#hhhhh i hope you enjoy this chapter

[neteyamsilly]

i will soften every edge, hold the world to its best | 4

summary ;; A father protects, that's what gives him meaning. Jake Sully has failed. PART 3 | PART 5 pairings ;; dad!jake sully x reader, mom!neytiri x reader, sully family x reader genre ;; pure angst and family feels notes / explanations ;; PLEASE READ AUTHOR NOTES. I explicitly said in the previous chapter I would NO LONGER BE TAKING TAG REQUESTS. You're just going to have to check my profile every now and then. I also will not be re-tagging the peeps I did in the last chapter’s replies, it’s just a lot 😭 I'm sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your understanding! Now I present you, the long awaited angst and groveling of Jake. Enjoy! Please excuse my mistakes if you see any. Thank you so much for the lovely comments and support, I hope the angst hits the way you wanted it / was expecting HHHHH

It’ll shine better, Jake mused to himself, rotating the lumpy amber around in his fingers to better reflect the sunlight streaming in thin rays from the hands of the dense flora above, once I dip this in that polish oil. It’s not entirely unsalvageable. 

At least he hadn’t scraped too much in attempts to give it a rounder shape, the bug at its core you were gushing about to the point of waking him up at zero dark thirty was still intact. He had been summoned from his dreams to look at a cool rock. 

Jake couldn’t not gift it to you as something to be permanently worn after that.

The problem? He was ass at this. Always had been. No drop of craftsmanship in his bloodstream at all when the Na’vi were particularly fond of their ornaments and accessories, making it themselves, in fact. 

Songcords were put together from beads, bones and stones, virtuosity was a must intrinsically woven into everyday life, methodized and irreplaceable since it wasn’t as if mass production could ever be a thing in Pandora. Everything was handmade. 

Jake’s worst enemy beadwork was in their clothing, for example, even in braids — his maladroit at it may or may not be why he wore his hair in plain dreads now. 

He wasn’t an artist or a creator, his hands were more comfortable being fit around a gun or a knife than slipping effortlessly in the rhythm of weaving or the act of making. All his end results were dreadful enough to be bullied relentlessly by his kids — except for you, that is. You absolutely loved them for reasons your mother or none of your siblings could understand. 

Jake’s blundering conscience would melt at the sight of your eyes shining and the biggest smile almost splitting your head in half as if he had just handed you the world every single time he gifted you the newest of his clunky handiwork. He didn’t know why that made you the happiest. You’d been that way ever since you saw him carving and personally adding a bead to his songcord about how he got his firstborn daughter to utter her first word: dada. 

It was important to him, so, down it had gone into Jake’s life story; putting official significance to the moment he never wanted to forget in the same thread that carried the story of him becoming Toruk Makto, just beside Neteyam’s first word, which was also dadada. (Neytiri had Lo’ak’s mam, and Kiri’s perfectly articulated mommy.)

Ever since that day, you had made grabby hands at the bead all the time when he picked you up, teethed at it like a puppy trying to grab a toy, tried to rip it off to make it yours — anything, until Neytiri made you one, but no, you wanted it from dada. 

So dada started making you little trinkets. 

He didn’t know if it was a good or a bad thing you never grew out of receiving gifts from your dad he himself cringed at. Jake wasn’t one to complain, not when someone in this life would feel such enough joy to purify thousands of blighted souls upon receiving his ugly personal work. It made him happy, stroked his ego to high heavens that his sweetheart was doting on dada to see the imperfect as the most fascinating. 

That’s why he had taken on the daunting task of making a bead for you out of the amber you’d fixated on, rasp in one hand, sitting on a thick log that cut into the little stream he and his family were spending leisurely time that day, one leg pulled to himself and one feet in the water up to his ankle. Even though he had half an ear on his four children playing around in the shallow water of the creek, all the screams and squeals of joy felt weak compared to the contained huff of amusement that escaped from his mate who had come up to Jake while he was way too engrossed in his task. 

His eyes shifted to Neytiri, watching her hop on to the log in one agile move. “Don’t laugh.”

“I am not laughing,” Neytiri said, crouching to sit, her mouth twitched upwards as she looked at the amber in his hand.

“I have eyes, Neytiri, I literally see you laughing.” His face used to burn at her openly teasing about beadmaking, but his oldest daughter’s attentions had restored his bruised confidence over the years. The slander wasn’t taken lightly these days as Jake had proudly relabeled the odd shapes of his work as a creative choice. “Right to my face.”

“You’re mistaken.” 

Jake made his jaw drop, overacting his bafflement. “Wow, gaslighting? Really?”

Neytiri hit his arm lightly. In her terms, it was light, at least. “I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s something you shouldn’t do to your mate.” He turned his back to her, giving a look over his shoulder. “You’re abusing me. I’m being abused.”

“Baby.”

“No amount of pet names are gonna fix my broken heart.”

“No. You are a baby. I’m insulting you.” Neytiri hadn’t even laughed, but the uplifted timbre of that sentence sure did make Jake snicker in disbelief. “If you can’t take it, maybe you should leave beading to me.”

“I would say they are fashionably off,” he defended. You carried them with delight, so why shouldn’t Jake take more pride in his work? “And you said practice makes perfect years ago, I remember the exact words—”

“Years ago. You still haven’t gotten any better at it.” Neytiri was his biggest supporter and criticizer at the same time. “And you became a part of the clan back in the day in three months Jake. Never a more unbelievable thing to me than this.” 

“I’m trying alright?” He turned back to the bead, or, vaguely bead-shaped amber, if technical terms were involved. It still had a whole adventure to embark on until it could receive the noble title of a bead. “She likes what I make, at least.”

“It’s because she’s your daughter and anything you do is out of this world. Beauty in the most unlikely places. A child’s love is pure that way.” The unexpected hypnotism of poetry in that sentence alone pulled Jake’s gaze to Neytiri’s, and for a moment, he could physically feel his heart within his ribcage being squeezed, tethering on painful, but with a joyful tinge. “She doesn’t have standards yet.”

Well, that hurt. “Damn.”

“Damm!” A pair of small and branch-thin arms wrapped around his neck from behind, and something, or rather, someone, latched onto his back. “Rahh!” 

Jake should have been suspicious of how silent it had gotten halfway into his talk with Neytiri. Turns out, you had swam underneath the log to get out of his line of sight, climbing with the stealth of a bug to come up undetected. 

Well, mark Jake down as impressed, you weren’t able to do that without being spotted until today, this was another wonderful milestone for you — you had learned impressively, taking advantage of his distraction, avoiding making noise and using water to your advantage. Neytiri must have given you some pointers. 

And now he was wondering if his mate was in on this all along, purposefully disturbing his peace so their kids could see an opening to pounce on him.  

“Oof!” Your hold on him was something he could break out of any minute with how adorably strong you were exerting yourself to make it, but he wanted to play along more than anything. Jake was acting panicked, swinging his body left and right from the waist, but really, it was just a light warm-up exercise with the easiest deadlift possible. “I’m being ambushed!”

“I got you now, Toruk Makto!” You wrapped your legs around his torso, and he felt like this was just a piggyback ride with extra steps. “Watch this, mom!”

Oh, it’s on. 

Discreetly handing Neytiri the amber, Jake stood up, bringing you up with him and fighting a smile at your clipped squeak as the height became too much too quick, causing you to cling onto him stronger. He reached behind, and within seconds, he had you in his hands, holding you from the armpits and dangling you above the stream, your kicking legs beating the air, and he cackled like a villain threatening to fling the hero from atop of a skyscraper. 

“You got me? Please.” He loosened his grip the slightest amount to give you the illusion he would let go, and you stopped struggling to scream, catching his forearms. “A measly thing like you? Conquering me? I’ll show you why I’m the king of the skies! Here I come!”

Making sure you wouldn’t get hurt, Jake threw you into the water as gently as possible, but made the angle entertaining enough so you would go flying. He wasn’t sure who’d screeched the highest, your three siblings who had you spearheading this little operation with full trust in your capabilities, or you reacting like you were falling down from an ikran midair. Either way, he was enjoying bullying his kid a bit too much. 

Emerging from the stream and shaking the water off too akin to a wet dog, your first action was to shield your siblings, open arms and whole body and all. “Nete, run! Protect Lovak and Kiri, I’ll save you!”

Jake’s evil smile looming on his kids wavered at that. 

You had problems with some letters even at the big age of eight, two vowels next to each other in one word was one of them, along with the confusion of “f” and “b”, and sometimes “p” — it made for hilarious misunderstandings Jake had to fight to be a parent about instead of busting a lung from laughing. 

One of the many unforgettable events was deemed “The Fish Incident” between Jake, Max and Norm. He had been recording Neteyam’s first catch on his own to add it to the cute memory pile he and his mate would watch in the future after all their children eventually moved out to pursue their paths. You happened to be present that time, watching intently as your big brother shot a particularly giant yellow fish, eagerly jumping down to the pond to get it and showing it to the camera with a shy, yet proud grin on his face. 

“Good job, boy!” Jake had cheered. “Say I got that fish!”

Out of the camera’s frame and making little jumps on your toes, you’d blithely yelled. “Yeah, you got that bish!” 

The rest of the footage was shaky and out of focus, the microphone hadn’t picked up any sound but Jake’s uncontrollable laughter, kicked off by an exploding snort of shock. 

You and Neteyam had no idea why, but after he’d stopped recording with tears streaming down his face, wheezing because he couldn’t stop laughing, you’d joined to laugh and play with him regardless, mirroring his excitement. 

Later though, Jake had to actively make it so you wouldn’t have to say the words kitchen and pitch (and obviously, fish) out loud, at least, in front of Neytiri. He didn’t want to abstain from having a little fun himself, so under no circumstance was she allowed to find out and correct you. And he had it going strong for a while until it slipped when he was talking about a scientist friend over at Hell’s Gate called Richard and you repeated it as “Bitchard”. The word had somehow weaseled into your English lexicon as well, and Neytiri wasn’t illiterate enough to be oblivious to what you’d merrily blurted. 

Good old days. Jake sometimes missed hearing you curse innocently. Neytiri had to take that source of joy away from him. Discouragement and warnings would be given to his kids if they knowingly cussed, of course, Kiri calling Lo’ak penis face was something he’d immediately shot down, but this was harmless, he thought. He could have let you be blissfully unaware until the day you learned the meaning of the words, or gain consciousness of the articulation errors as you grew up and naturally fix it yourself. It was only a natural part of a child’s growth.  

But he had other entertainment. The obligatory consonant you had to sometimes add to two different neighboring vowels if it was too difficult for you to pronounce, for example. Your little brother was a victim to this. Thankfully, Lo’ak wasn’t bothered to be called Lovak by his older sister, somehow thinking of it as a nickname, but Jake could bet his ass the boy would use this as infinite ammo against you once both of you were older. He would of course forget how you always protected him in play fighting like right now, of course, maybe you would remember enough to accuse him of ungratefulness, and perhaps Lo’ak would declare he didn’t recall anything such as that. 

How bittersweet of a thing it was to drift into imaginations of how his kids would be like when they grew up. Like the stinging ache Jake always got when he was confronted with the sadness of losing his children forever one day — the need to put every minute with them in a bottle, and the feeling of time slipping through his fingers, the same old melancholy each time: when it first dawned on Jake that you’d successfully sneaked up on him just now, when Neteyam had captured his first fish all on his own without assistance, when Lo’ak showed him the knife he had successfully carved by himself to get his approval, and when Kiri had tended to a scratch wound of his better than her grandmother did with precocious wisdom on her face. 

Jake was making every moment count. Just like this one. 

“Nobody is safe from me, I’ll huff and I’ll puff and blow your house in!” He jumped down from the log with the grace and intimidation of a leopard who had been disturbed while eating up the tree he’d dragged his meal on, splashing water everywhere. “What will you do, o’ mighty hunter?”

You loved being called mighty hunter by him, he saw the sparkle in your eyes. 

“Noooo!” Kiri cried, pulling on both Lo’ak and Neteyam’s arms huddled behind you. “He’ll get us!”

Your thought process, completely spooked by Jake, was painfully visible. But surprisingly, you yelled, “Scatter!” with the experience of a rave addict who would take a forty and smash it on the ground as the police closed in on the party grounds. And his kids ran in different directions, like a group of cockroaches when someone approached them, they all ran in different directions. 

Sloshing water all around to make it more terrifying, he got Kiri first, hauled her right over his shoulder when she made for Neytiri, thinking her mother could protect her, but no. Jake was inevitable. Lo’ak gave him a weak challenge trying to step around him, getting Jake to confuse his steps as if they were playing basketball, but this was his dad he was facing and not Spider, these tricks didn’t work on veterans, so now he was flush to Jake’s side, tail facing forward, carried like some strapless bag, it didn’t even put any strain on the man’s bicep. Neteyam was the last, hiding beneath the water level and holding his breath, but the little nose peeking out for air gave him away, and Jake had him up the other shoulder in seconds, the boy didn’t have enough time to run away even though he’d spied from underwater that Jake was coming for him. 

Three out of four. That left only his eldest daughter. 

You were nowhere to be seen. The delighted and struggling giggle-cries of the three kids in his arms and shoulders didn’t help at all to Jake taking his surroundings in with a keen ear, all senses attuned to spotting the stray. 

A rustle from above. 

“Attack him!” 

He didn’t have enough time to see just which branch of the trees cocooning the creek you had climbed on before all three in his arms turned on him, flailing around together in unison to get Jake to fall down and kneel, and it surprisingly worked, he couldn’t even recover between the blink of a time between them getting off the way and you jumping down on him. The height at which you did that knocked all air off his ribcage for a second as he tried to retain balance, and you took that chance to sit on his shoulders, your legs dangling from each one, grabbing onto two dreads on his head as if they were the tails of Toruk he once had held onto like leashes. 

Jake had to give this one to you, damn. When had you become a student of the art of strategizing? 

But, defeat was defeat. He had to play his part. “This can’t be!” He opened his arms, making it seem cartoonishly like he had been incapacitated. “I’ve been… bested?”

“That’s right!” The cockiness was dripping from you as you pulled on his dreads. “I’m Toruk Makto Makto now. The first of my name!”

Your siblings started cheering battle cries, repeating the word. 

Don’t laugh, he ordered himself. Toruk Makto Makto, what a title, oh Jesus Christ. 

“Alright, alright, you got me, mighty hunter.” 

“So I win?”

“Yes, you win.”

He was going to have two less dreads on his head if you kept pulling on them like this. “Hell yeah!” 

After hearing the declaration, his other children also joined in on the ‘Hell yeah!’ train. Jake supposed he could let this slide for now, you guys were too happy, he wouldn’t sully it. 

“You’re gonna rip my hair off, get down now.” You understood play time was over from his tone, and obeyed, hopping down his shoulders when he lowered you into the water, immediately attempting to rush to your siblings’ side to be celebrated, but Jake had something else in mind. “C’mere for a sec.”

He pulled you to the edge of the stream where water met grassy land, dipping his hand into the wet soil under your confused gaze and bringing his fingers up to trace a pattern on your face.

The reaction was instantaneous. You pulled back. “Ew, mud!”

“Hold on,” he gently warned, or rather, encouraged.

You let him continue whatever he was doing then, albeit not losing the laughable concern along the way. “What’s this?”

“Well, you’ve tamed Toruk Makto before an ikran. My mighty hunter should be painted accordingly, no?”

He pointed down and you followed it with your eyes. Seeing your reflection and the ‘V’ shape with a dot on your face in the water, you stopped yourself from touching it with the impulse control that kicked in at the last second, looking up at Jake, jumping up and down, unable to contain the energy, knowing exactly what he did just now. He’d recognized you as a prospective hunter candidate. “Thank you, dad!”

Jake could swear his insides liquidized at that. “Always, sweetheart.”

“Will you paint me like this when I finally get an ikran, too?”

“Of course I will.” He actually wanted to cup your cheeks and plant a little kiss at the adorable flat of your nose but the mud would be ruined, so he pet your braids instead. “As will your mother. It’s what family does.”

At the time, Jake didn’t have the slightest inkling that the paint would end up being your own blood. 

Neytiri’s bloody hands — your blood, his child, his child, his baby Jake’s entire day would stop at seeing one tear on her face — had been stroking your face, trying to hold on to you anywhere she could to soothe your flaming pain as you were squirming like a dying animal fighting for the next breath. His heart beating right behind his eyes in a massive pulsating headache, Jake was too desperate fighting his swelling panic with each noise that ripped from you to notice they had left the vague pattern of Iknimaya paint pattern in their wake. 

She did. 

And her following anguished, gasping shudder as her shaking hands hovered above your contorted face, tracing the air along the lines the blood had left on your face ended up hitting him right in the gut. He couldn’t dwell on it. He couldn’t let this random twisted sign sweep him into the roaring waterfall of torment, your life was on the line.  

Jake didn’t have any coherent memory of running back to the mouth of the cave from the family tent. One moment, he was back with his brain fried from thinking about Quaritch in the aftermath of an hour that had just taken twenty years from his lifespan, avoiding the inquisitive silence of his kids who hadn’t gone back to bed yet; and the other, Neytiri was screaming in the distance with terror worse than the anguish he’d heard her go through upon losing her father and her home. Jake had all but flown there, mind blank in swirling, spasming panic. 

Neytiri had told him he had a strong heart the first time they’d met. No fear. Even though Jake was aware he was being disliked strongly, this quality of his she had remarked on, honest to her soul. 

But she was wrong. 

That fearless fortress heart of his had begun to crumble the moment he learned of Neteyam’s existence. And with each and every new addition to their family, Jake had been rehabilitated on what fear truly was, like a baby learning a language. 

Losing. It was all about losing. 

He would wake up from terrorizing, choking nightmares with the sensation of his family being violently taken away from him when his children were in his arms, sleeping peacefully all along. He couldn’t stop it. It had spiraled out of control after the sky people came back, turning him into a paranoid, angry man who was ruled by fear. He worried for the safety of his family every day, obsessed over it — beneath the impenetrable iron mask of a leader his whole clan was leaning on, Jake was nothing more than a weak, emotionally crippled father who would lose it the more his children grew up to take reckless actions he made worse by the inability to govern his fear-curbed anger. He called it tough love. 

That tough love had resulted in this. Loss. Loss. Loss he had tried his damnedest to prevent. It was blood slipping through his fingers from a wound he had no way of stitching back together. 

The more he pushed to block the bullet entrance point, the more you fought Jake, making feral yowls that weakened into animalistic whimpers and throaty whines that all but ripped his heart off muscle by muscle, your hits and scratches didn’t faze him, but the noises. Eywa, the noises. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know you’re in pain, I know, I know, I’ll make it go away, please hold on, c’mon.” The droplets of sweat that had formed in the matter of seconds rolled down his face. You had begun to hyperventilate from the accelerating pain because of his efforts. “C’mon sweetheart. Breathe for me, breathe for dad, okay? You gotta breathe. Breathe!”

You were unhearing, lost in the overwhelming, blinding, deafening agony he couldn’t anchor or shield you from. The grunt of desperation that escaped his sore throat rattled his carbon fiber infused bones.  

Jake didn’t have time to think. His reason had flown out the mountains to be able to force one single word to form in his mindscape. He just knew he had to stop the bleeding, propelled by concentrated instinct. You were struggling too much for him to have a solid hold on you. Everything, too slippery. Too much blood. Too fucking much. The sickening smell of iron bit at his senses. 

(Was it the liver? The spleen? Pancreas? One of the major arteries? But Na’vi biology wasn’t the same as humans. Fuck.) 

Then, you were being restrained by a third party, Neytiri was too devastated to make that reasonable decision, and in his peripheral vision, he saw it was Neteyam who had sat down on your legs, restricting your movements with incredible strength. Jake couldn’t even bark at him to go away with how much Neteyam looked in control, a rock he and Neytiri both could draw strength from. Behind him, Lo’ak was a stone statue just standing there, frozen, his eyes not leaving your bloody abdomen. 

When you let out a yelp his heart could no longer stand, he yelled, “Bring a stretcher!” to nobody in particular, out of his goddamn mind. Lo’ak jumped at it, coming back to his senses, hesitating what to do for a second before he was off to god knows where. He had to take you to Norm’s, and then a doctor—

A tiny, trembling voice he couldn’t recognize as Neteyam’s reached his ears. “Dad…” 

The boy was looking at you, blown eyes shining with unshed tears, upper set of teeth sinking in his shaky bottom lip. 

You had gone slack in his arms. 

He hadn’t even seen the moment, didn’t stop putting pressure on the wound as the dread assaulted his body. And a biting shiver went down his spine before Jake also looked down on his eldest daughter. Your eyes weren’t closed all the way, halted gaze focused on something to the side, one tear rolling down your temple. 

“Don’t do this to me.” Jake couldn’t breathe as he shook his head, he was about to lose it, about to tumble down the edge he could never climb his way up from. In denial, he didn’t lift his hands, losing all strength in his upper body and gradually collapsing forward as his forehead found yours. “Don’t do this to me, sweetheart, not like this. Please, not like this.”

The last thing you were looking at was the ikran you’d gotten.

Jake didn’t feel that very ikran making its way to their side, flapping its wings, didn’t feel anything to react when a snoot reached down and ever-so-gently nudged you, like you were asleep and it was given the duty to wake you up in the morning that day. 

Your ikran nudged you once. Twice. Thrice. Each push was harsher than the other. 

You didn’t wake up. Your eyes didn’t get their light back. 

A paralyzing numbness took over Jake’s body, all his neuron ends stunted. The moon stopped spinning, time stopped moving, he ceased existing, all at the same time. 

A piercing ringing stabbed his ears, took away his hearing. He didn’t hear Neytiri scream louder than the ikran, you were ripped from his arms, and he couldn’t move to do anything about it, just staring into the distance, at nothing, bloodied palms facing upwards in his lap. 

It was Neteyam who tried to stop his wailing mother from going mad with grief, trying to get her to set down your body from her crushing embrace even though he couldn’t take his misty eyes off your body. It was Lo’ak, frantic in his run even though his panic-frozen face gave away nothing, who had rushed back with Mo’at and Kiri. It was Tuk who had thrown herself into his arms for a hug Jake wasn’t in his body to reciprocate, his seven year old child, in tears, comforting him when Jake, as the adult and the father, should have had his shit together and be the provider of comfort. 

Instead, all he could feel was the blood on his hands, one small part in his mind making him focus on that one amber with a bug inside he’d carved for you, years ago, now in your hair.

The tears didn’t come. His world was shattering all around him, but not one tear made it to the surface. 

Someone was talking to him, but Jake wasn’t there, experiencing the moment behind a thick veil of silencing glass. 

“Open her mouth, Jakesuli.”

He looked at the source of the muffled sound breaching the ringing in his ears, painfully empty and unfeeling. It was Mo’at. In her hand, a woodsprite gently floated in the air and landed before it repeated the motion again. It was as if his brains had been emptied from his skull. He didn’t understand. He didn’t see. Tuk was clinging to him, Neytiri doubled down in waves of cries in Neteyam’s arms. Jake wasn’t there. 

“Open her mouth so I can keep her spirit here longer,” Mo’at said. “Do it now. We do not have much time.”

And Jake could breathe again, his soul slinged back into his body, feeling returning to the tips of his fingers, kicking into action. 

He cradled your body from the cold ground you were lying on, bringing his shaky hand to your tightly shut jaw. Your body couldn’t have been experiencing rigor mortis, so you must have been clenching your teeth to the point of your jaw locking to fight the pain, and he was nearly blinded from the sheer strength with which he had to hold back from hugging you. But he eventually opened your jaw with a sickening pop that made him visibly grimace, and Mo’at guided the woodsprite to slip inside the cavity of your mouth.

The bioluminescent dots on your body began to flicker the moment your mouth was closed again. Jake gave a shuddering breath at the sign of life, hands unsure if he should continue to cover the wound again. 

“Eywa has allowed her to remain. For a while.”

“Oh Great Mother, thank you!” Neytiri took one of your hands, pressing it against her cheek and kissing it over and over again. “Thank you, thank you.”

“Bring her to my tent,” the Tsahik simply stated, and Jake didn’t even stop to consider how he should be taking you to the science guys, how they were probably going to say you needed a blood transfusion and surgery right after they got the necessary tests such as MRI and blood analysis out of the way. Kiri, sniffling weakly, took the crying Tuk away so Jake could carry you. He couldn’t comfort his girls the way he wanted to, couldn’t attend to Neytiri as their sons consoled her and got consoled in return in a tight hug together; he was on the move, heart about to beat out of his chest.  

He took you in his arms and clutched your unconscious and ashen blue body tightly to his chest, your head lolling in the crook of his arm, arriving to Mo’at’s tent faster than she did — and oh, how small you were compared to him, how fragile and vulnerable. The attitude made you appear bigger than you actually were, and Jake was reminded how you were still a child from how light his daughter was, like a fleeting bird. He’d forgotten. It had been forever since he last held you like this that he couldn’t bear to lay you down on the mat. If only he could hide you away within his ribcage, away from the pain and the suffering, forever.

“Everything in this world is borrowed,” she told him, an incense was burned, salves were prepared, tools he had no idea on what they were used were brought out. Plants, herbs. Jake stood there, helpless. “Even this child, Eywa has lent to you. She is borrowed from the bosom of our Great Mother, entrusted to you. Entrusted.” Your freckles were still flickering, and Tsahik’s tone, clipped. “I will converse with her. Ask if she plans to call her daughter back home today.”

Ice washed over Jake. “No, you gotta heal her, Mo’at, I can't lose m—”

“Everything in this world is borrowed. Each breath. Each heartbeat. All children. All gifts from Eywa.” Her eyes bore into him. “I can only ask.”

Neytiri pounced on him as soon as he stumbled out of the tent, beaten and spent despite not having one scratch on his body, upon Kiri’s entrance to assist her grandmother in tending to you. 

“Your fault!” He was violently pushed back, only able to take in the woman’s bloodied, wrathful face, tear tracks freshened with saltwater she couldn’t stop shedding. “This is your fault! I told you! I told you to fix this!”

Jake was aware other clan members were watching even if they weren’t out of their homes, he was Olo’eyktan, their leader, his pride would have taken this to their own tent had this been any other debate, but now, he couldn’t give a flying fuck. Bruising his back was the weight of a failed father instead of the ornamental piece of the clan leader, it was unbearable enough. She was right. There was nothing else to be said. His mate was right. 

“Mother, please,” Neteyam was right beside them in a flash, holding Neytiri back and shielding his father from her. His sunken eyes found Lo’ak and Tuk crouching at the edge of the tent, huddled together, the youngest having the crying hiccups as her older brother had an arm around her, himself looking traumatized enough. 

“Don’t, boy.” Jake put a hand on his stone-hard shoulder, moving him aside. Neteyam took one hard look at Neytiri half-circling his father in long strides, and decided it was best if he took care of his siblings instead even if he wasn’t told outright. He ushered Tuk and Lo’ak up and away, to the other side of the tent where they wouldn’t disturb their parents by staying in the field of vision. 

Jake should have been the one to take control, but Neteyam had stepped up for it — he was a kid, too, eldest child or not. What the fuck am I doing? 

In his tumultuous sorrow, every piece of the fortress Jake had put together was coming down, every decision re-evaluated, emotion overtaking what he once thought as logic. His fault. His fault. He had ruined his children, all of them. He had thought embracing the iron will of a war chief would allow him to be a strong father figure, but it had only alienated his family. 

You had died in his arms. 

Jake contained every storm in a box inside his body, Neytiri lived those storms, she was strong that way. He would take it. Her eyes were only seeing red at the moment, the grief and wrath of a wronged mother. “Yeah, it’s my fault,” he told her, something between a whisper and a sigh. His kids deserved to hear it. “I know.”

“She is dying because of you!” Jake couldn’t escape the truth by closing his eyes, but he did anyway, like an automatic body reflex against detecting something would be hitting him. He swallowed, his mouth was drier than a desert, no relief was found in the action. “My daughter! My child! Your child!” She pushed him again, hissing. Jake didn’t do anything to stop it. “All because you told her to go today—everything, everything… All because you didn’t reach out to her. She hid that.” A shiver shook her voice. “That… because of you. You! She thought you would be angry!”

Violent horror seized his heart, ears pinning back on his head, knuckles clenching so light blue they were almost white. “I would… I would never—how could I ever—?”

But it was in character, wasn’t it? Jake always getting angry over worry for his children. Going crazy because they could have gotten hurt. Fear grows into anger, worm eating away the bark of a tree into poisonous snake. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks, chest rising and falling in big breaths, there was no air.  

“She said you hated her. Over and over again, she said you hated her. Not to call you because you would hate her for it, Jake!”

Bitter guilt and glacial shock rose from his stomach, choking him, his eyes looking at anywhere but Neytiri’s blazing golden eyes, to his children who sat together seemingly away from them but blatantly listening, to the tent flames were barely illuminating the shadows inside. His legs were weak. All that he had been breaching behind a wall to prioritize your safety flooded rancid to his mind. 

Jake got angry at you all the time that you’d expected it at your most vulnerable. That he would blame you, reprimand you for his enemy’s actions.

His memories were attacked by all sides. That you had gone off on your own for the Iknimaya everybody should have been there for, he should have painted your face personally for. That you have been hiding the bleeding out from the moment Jake had found you pinned down by the dead body of an avatar, from the moment you’d answered positively to the question of if you were hurt or not, with that rifle he’d thought you didn’t let go because of how the events had shaken you. He opened his mouth, a gaping fish, but no words came out, mute and voiceless. 

Hate you? Hate you? Hate his own child he would burn the whole world for?

His child. Suffering in silence when her nature was anything but silent. Afraid of her father when she was the most fearless of his kids when facing him.

You thought you weren’t loved.

“What have you done to our children? What has this family become? What are we if our children are too afraid to come to us in their darkest hours?” Neytiri was snarling, both fury and grief battling inside her, teeth gnashing so hard they could sharpen a knife. “What child does not seek her parents when she is hurt?” 

Unseeing, Jake couldn’t stand anymore, staggering towards a particularly large rock and sitting on it, he raised his hands to rub his face but stopped when he saw the blood. 

All yours. All his daughter’s who he had failed. Who had died in his arms thinking she was hated because Jake was a shit excuse of a father you couldn’t trust to say you were hurt that you would take the risk of dying so he wouldn’t find out. 

His daughter’s blood, on his hands. 

He put his elbows to his legs, crossing his wrists to lean his forehead on, yet unable to hide his shaking hands even if he managed to hide his face. Jake couldn’t comprehend any of this, crushed beneath the skyful of burning hot shame and the guilt dwarfing him — tears he couldn’t seem to shed found life in his eyes at him trying to blink away the memory of you clinging to your ikran at the flight home. You had been suffering the whole time and all he could think about was Quaritch when he should have been thinking of you.

“What child would rather hide her injury than let her father know?” It shocked his spine like lightning, and Jake visibly flinched, fists clenching and unclenching. “Explain this to me!” 

Shame. Shame. Shame. Jake was about to throw up, rocking back and forth.

He had nothing to say. Nothing could ever excuse this. He couldn’t wash away all your moments from this night, all a cursed film strip haunting his every breath accompanied by thorns that ripped apart his insides. 

“If she lives,” Neytiri said, pointing a curled hand at him, slowly, scarily calm, but shaking with mastered rage. If she lives destroyed Jake.  “We would be lucky if my mother doesn’t decide to perform Stxel’eveng as Tsahik!” 

Jake’s head shot up at the word, his arms dropping altogether and meeting his mate’s tortured stare. As Olo’eyktan, he had to be taught the traditions and ceremonies to the point of talking in his sleep from overlearning — this one was a long lost one the clan hadn’t performed for a long time, as the Omatikayan were faithful and loyal to Eywa and her teachings. 

Stxel’eveng was the shortened word for ‘Gifting of a Child’ — an adoption ceremony within Na’vi that didn’t even have the word ‘adopt’ in their vocabulary, simply because it was almost non-existent, most Na’vi didn’t even know the existence of such a tradition. If the parents were unable to care and provide for their child, mistreated on purpose or neglected them to the point of no return, they were to be publicly dishonored by the gifting of said child to another willing family. A knot would be formed between the three, one thread bound around the waist of the mother signifying the womb, one thread fastened to the queue of the father, and the final thread to the wrists of the child as if they were captive. The knot, then, would be severed by Tsahik to symbolize the dissolvement of the familial relations in Eywa’s eyes.

The biggest shame a Na’vi could bring upon their name. 

“No,” Jake muttered, his mind going blank yet again. Fuck the shame. Damn his name. He couldn’t lose you. It’s a stone in his throat he can’t swallow, whales on his tongue he can’t speak to save himself.

“Pray to Eywa it doesn’t happen. Because if I was Tsahik, I would do it.” Neytiri turned away from him, pushing the heel of her hands on her damp eyes. “I cannot bear this shame, Jake. I can barely breathe.”

He quivered like a baby leaf caught in a storm, a couple more tears rolling down his cheeks. “Neytiri…” 

“I lost my daughter today. She slipped from my fingers. I watched her die.” He lowered his head at her grief, vision swimming. “How am I a mother when I can't feel her pain? How am I worthy of being her mother when I saw my child’s pain and just sat there helpless? Why would the Great Mother ever want to send her back?” She just kept going, not having any mercy on Jake’s soul. “Where was I when she won against her ikran? Where was I when she had her first flight? Where was I to protect her from those demons?”

A father protects, that’s what gives him meaning.

Who was Jake Sully?

“Lo’ak, come back here!” 

Both of them turned just in time to see their youngest son running away from the back of the tent they’d been hiding, Neteyam following a couple steps before he stopped to look back, probably at his sister. 

“I’ll get him,” Jake said, soulless and absentminded. Neytiri didn’t respond, stalking back to Mo’at’s tent, just kneeling in front of the entrance, wrapping her hands and tail around her knees. Tuk turned the corner, scampering towards her and finding refuge in Neytiri immediately wrapping around her protectively. 

Jake wasn’t allowed to comfort his mate. 

But he could get to his children who needed it. Trust, Neytiri had said. Honesty. 

Walking up to Neteyam, he put a warm hand behind his rigid back, and felt the taut muscles relax underneath his touch, another wave of shame hitting at the inability to recall just when he had last comforted his boy. 

“Get Tuk. Go home. Rest.”

Neteyam turned to him, scandalized. “We will stay.”

“Neteyam—”

“Dad—sir, please. I can’t leave my sister.”

That sir was a splash of acid on his already weeping heart. 

It dawned on Jake that Neteyam was the one witnessing your moment of death. Death. A surge of nausea shot up from his esophagus, and he didn’t stop himself from hooking an arm around the boy, careful of using his hands not to get blood on the eldest, pulling him into a much awaited embrace. He hadn’t allowed him to be a kid.

“It’s okay, Neteyam,” he croaked. “She’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

Neteyam’s arms didn’t wrap around him, unfamiliar to the gesture — crumbling Jake’s already broken heart into dust, but he did shiver, fighting the tremble. He simply said, “I pray so.”

He was still trying to hold it together — for everybody’s sake. 

Jake felt the boy’s tears on his skin, and didn’t let him go when he tried to step back to wipe them, letting Neteyam cry silently as much as he wanted. He owed the boy that much, as his father. It was the least he could do. 

Jake would stitch this family back together. He had to.

Washing the blood off his hands had taken a while. Jake wasn’t let off easy, cursed by the remaining line of bloodied dirt in his nails. 

He found Lo’ak at where it all began. The mouth of the cave where your ikran was disturbing the other ones with restless chittering, reminding Jake of a wolf howling all night at the full moon. 

His youngest son was transfixed by the blood staining the ground. Just standing there, looking at it. Jake couldn’t protect him from the sight. Not anymore. He himself could barely stomach it.

“Is sister going to be taken away?” was the first thing he asked Jake, not looking at him still. 

Jake didn’t know if he meant death, or Stxel’eveng. 

“I pray not,” he told Lo’ak, honest for once. 

And like him, the boy wasn’t sentimental or emotional enough to bear his wounds to another, even to a family member, and fell silent. “It has Toruk’s colors,” he said instead, referring to your ikran’s red, orange, yellow and black patterns. Looking at the creature, Jake tried his hardest to stand up straight when he discerned all the blood coating its neck and back from the natural red color disguising it. “I wanted to fly with her.”

Pulling him into a side-hug, “I’m sorry, Lo’ak,” Jake admitted, causing him to finally break the trance he had on the blood. Speechless at his father, proud and strong, admitting he was wrong out loud and that he was being hugged when it wasn’t like his father at all to show them casual physical affection. Jake knew what must be going through his head, he would be thinking the same if his own father had ever taken responsibility for wrongdoings, as well.  “It’s my fault you didn’t get to.”

Lo’ak’s mouth was hanging low. “Dad…”

“But you will,” he said, determined and full of hope. He had to be. For his children. 

“You think so?”

“I pray so,” he quoted Neteyam. “Your sister is stubborn. She will pull through. Don’t lose faith in her.”

Lo’ak’s grip on his forearm was painful. 

“That ikran’s lost the half of its tail fins,” the boy sniffled, thickening his voice to hide the tears. “How did it get all the way here?”

It stung in Jake’s chest. The same way you’d hidden that injury. Your ikran was fueled only by the desire to get its rider to safety, it seemed. 

It would never fly again. 

Jake looked down at Lo’ak, only to be met with him avoiding his look, still concerned with hiding the tears. “Loyalty,” he said. “Devotion. Sometimes you don’t want to lose the things you love no matter what, that desperation gives you enough strength to push through any trial by fire. You would do anything. Anything.” 

And sometimes it was fear that did it, but he didn’t mention that to Lo’ak to not put salt on their family’s injury. Jake didn’t want to think about how terrified you must have been, or he would actually go insane. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of you not making it in the end. He had to keep going. He had to push forward. Be the father this family needed him to be. 

“Come on, boy,” he pulled Lo’ak gently. “Let’s go back.”

Your ikran whined at this pitifully. Jake tried not to think. He tried not to imagine what your reaction would be upon learning you would never fly together again, and had to put down this ikran that had been devoted endlessly to you if you wanted to get a new one. 

Jake didn’t think. Because if he did, he would actually go insane from the pain. 

Mo’at and Kiri emerged from the tent only in the morning, by which the whole family was cocooned in Jake’s embrace for the first time in years before the sky people had come back. They all had scrambled to get up, waiting with bated breath for one syllable of good news as Kiri slipped into Jake’s arms, one wink from falling asleep while standing. He kissed the girl’s head, soothing her, hoping this could be you eventually. He had been praying for it like a madman. 

“Eywa has accepted to bestow your daughter back to you, Jakesuli,” was the only answer Mo’at had for them, no word about your physical wellbeing. “But only if she accepts as well.” 

“I don’t understand.”

“You must go speak with her. At the Tree of Souls.”

taglist: @ihonestlydontknowwhattonamethis@alohastitch0626 @jackiehollanderr @lucciera @qvrcll @iloveavatar @velvtcherie @ssc7514 @goldenmoonbeam @neteyamforlife @itsluludoll @jakesullys-bitch @blubrryy @sully-stick-together @arminsgfloll @alice121804 @noname2246 @justthingzsblog @eywamygoddess @m-1234 @ellabellabus07 @hellok1ttycake @dakotali @bluefire12348 @abbersreads @yellooaaa @aimsro @octavias-next-meat-bite @nikqdn @nao-cchi @spicycloudsalad @yeosxxx @heybiatchz @winxschester @elegantkidfansoul @eichenhouseproperty @kakimakiloh @dueiosy @liyahsocorro @dimplesxx @tigresslily@n8ivatar @strnqer @lillybbyy @jakesullyssluttt @r3dc4ndy @myheartfollower @gcldtom @bunnyrose01 @aceofheartzzz @ghoulbli @slasherfcker505 @ducks118 @megsthings @graykageyama @gwolf92

@thotd-f1 @httpjiikook @nipoxe @fussel9913 @gloryekaterina @nxptury @thesheelfsworld @heyyitsmaiaa @anyasullyyy @rey26 @in-luvais @em-100 @n7cje @kpopslur @holysaladapricothero @dedicateeverythingtomilkshake @maviee @grxcisxhy-wp @me-marilm @n39ro-chann

[shokujin-art]

Hi there!

I'm just dropping by to say that, I love your artstyle and your MC!Allen and Satan's Dynamic. (They way you draw their expression is the highlight!)

Keep up the good drawing, and hopefully you don't get stuck in some of the stages.

Also, wishing you luck in getting a different king.

Hhhhh— thank you so much, I'm really happy that you enjoy what I'm drawing 🥹💖 As for the stages, for the moment I keep surviving. I'm around 20~ish in the 3rd chapter. I have everyone lvl 20 except Satan who's soon going to be 70 and Mammon 40 😂 (Guess who's my favorite haha) For the different king... I'm actually holding hostage all my red keys. I'm so going for Asmodeus once he'll be released. I love his version in Dokidoki unholyc class and hope to see him in the game 💖

[sensitiveheartless]

genuinely i genuinely love ur howls moving castle au chuuya like i cannot even pin down why because i just have him like. rotating in the brain. i think it's cause you nailed down the vibes with sophie, how she doesnt have huge goals, she just wants to be rid of her (and later, howls) curse. aside from that, living a peaceful life is alright, but she also this quiet wonder with magic.

AND YOUR CHUUYA IS THE SAME. like yeah they grow to be somewhat heroic with the whole "stop fyodors magic destroying ritual" but the agency is just so.. domestic? i honestly cant come up with anything but peaceful. each of them has this feeling of...being content. belonging. and it feels like, even with the whole heroic adventure going on, chuuya (and dazai) are like. also beginning to feel this belonging with the ADA.

i think im saying this now cause of chapter 17 hhhhh (with the castle being destroyed but the agency going "everyone important is safe after all" and kouyou knowing that chuuya will probably want to travel with them sometimes) i have,, so many feelings.

it just feels fulfilling. peaceful. the action is so so good, and the way you describe whimsical magical things is SO vivid i LOVE IT. but i'm always so touched by the found family that is the ADA. something about home and comfort and protecting their own.

hhhhh now im shyyy. this was a really long ask and i couldve just commented on the fic but i was looking at ur art and i got excited,,, chuuya is so pretty too, i think its his braid. its very pretty, your art style reflects that quiet comfort. domesticity.

i have. so much to say abt chuuya but it would just be incoherent so ill end the ask now,, just know he is like. this is like, genuinely, one of the ebst fics and i will literally never forget this, i think ur writing is so fucking amazing hhh- thank u for all the effort and time u put into this masterpiece

!!! Aaaaa thank you!! I’m really glad—cause yeah!!! All of this!

I love Chuuya’s character, and have spent so much time rotating in my head—just in general, but also specifically because of this AU, because it was a more serious attempt to write from his perspective. For some reason I feel like Dazai’s character clicked easier for me when I first started writing these two, so Chuuya took more actual work —so this makes me so happy! I want it to be a good vibe for his character :0 I wish canon Chuuya could just have an arc of getting to belong somewhere safe and just breathe a bit ;; so yeah!! I wanted the ADA to be a part of him learning to rely on other people and really accept comfort and support

And I love the magic vibes in Howl’s Moving Castle, so hearing that those parts are coming across well is great as well!!

Anyway!! Thank you for this anon, I’m glad you’ve been enjoying it, and I hope you enjoy the rest as well once it’s done! :’D

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Hhhhh dude just your lil excerpt from your herpetology fic had me just about in tears. TEARS. LIKE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY HOW DARE YOU <3 I know already that I’m not going to be able to put it down, so I’m saving it to binge as a treat when the week is over. Thank you in advance for breaking my heart and putting it back together 🖤🖤🖤

Ahhh thank you so much!! This legit made my day. This was my first time posting a multi-chapter fic and I'd been so nervous about posting it but I'm so grateful for comments like this! Thank you again and I hope you enjoy it when you get a chance to read it! <3

[death-by-sc0tland]

okay mixed feelings, a lot of the episode was fucking excellent but a lot could have been handled better.

i’m just gonna vomit my first thoughts here so it might be a mess but here we go

ok first of all sorry but what was that yaz exit???? she had no real reason to leave like. what?????? also i’m not even the biggest thasmin shipper but i absolutely expected a kiss, this was kinda disappointing, i feel bad for the thassies 😭

dan’s exit also left me kinda disappointed like what. he had like 10 minutes of screentime poor lad

also i was hoping for more emotional confrontation between the doctor and the master if you know what i mean??? cause like it had a great premise of like the master obviously being so jealous of the doctor and lowkey hating himself that he wanted to literally be the doctor??? like i would FUCKING LOVE if they explored that more and if there was a straight up confrontation on that with him and the doctor. he was telling yaz that “i’m fun too” and you could see he was in pain and jealous of the doctor’s life and just ARGHH IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD BUT THEY DIDNT GO DEEPER

also obviously kinda bummed out she regenerated into 10 but i had to laugh how rtd was immediately playing into nostalgia akjfjdkdj like ok i admit i’m a sucker for the tenth doctor

ok on the positive stuff, the regeneration scene looked so beautiful holy fuck i love that we have an outside tardis regeneration

also ace, teagan and kate FUCKING EXCELLENT AMAZING TALENTED SHOW-STOPPING LOVE THEM SM

YAZ TOO SHE WAS SO AMAZING AND DESERVED A BETTER ENDING

the classic doctors made my jaw drop i wasn’t expecting them to actually be in this episode but it was wholesome

also vinder my beloved i’m glad we got to see him

THE COMPANION SUPPORT GROUP I HAD TO LAUGH I LOVE THE IDEA

jodie’s performance was also obviously great and i’m gonna miss her so fucking much hhhhh, i liked that the final monologue was kinda tied in with what the companions were saying like it was something new compared to what we got in the past and it was nice to see

also i need to mention that scene with the rasputin song like excuse me this amount of camp hasn’t been reached since toxic by britney spears was played in season 1 😭😭😭 i nearly fell off my chair laughing like bye

well anyway, my conclusion would be that given that they had 90 minutes they definitely could have wrapped up some stuff better, but overall i just enjoyed the episode so much and i think it was a good wrap up for the chibnall era

can’t fucking wait for the next chapter, now i’m gonna cry some more

[aussied]

So I started reading the Percy Jackson series...

*creeps on up in here*

Hi yes hello

So I have been reading through the Percy Jackson series for the first time because the Pinterest algorithm kept saying that the characters in my original story were similar to characters from Percy Jackson, and I had apparently unknowingly been pinning fanart as inspiration for years. So finally I was like "Yeah okay, I should read the books since apparently I already love the characters." and yanno what! I DO love the characters! I blew through The Lightning Thief book and enjoyed it. Then I made the mistake of watching the 2010 the movie and had an unhinged meltdown livetweeting about it on Twitter. I can post that on here if you guys want because I think I traveled to another plane of existence [negative] while watching it and received psychic damage. At one point I was in so much disbelief about the quality of the movie and the changes that they made that I fell into a bout of distressed laughter that I couldn't stop until I started coughing, so that's great. I just finished The Sea of Monsters book last night, but I'm gonna give myself a few days before I watch that movie because HHHHH I am not ready. I watched the trailer right after I finished the book and already had my head in my hands going "Why did they make those unnecessary changes??!" It's gonna be a ROUGH ONE FELLAS. I am already suffering. I am sosososososososososoSO thrilled about the D+ series coming this winter. Oh my GOSH. I'm incredibly sorry to the fandom who only had those Fox movies as their only adaptations for so long. That SUCKS. I'm hoping and praying that the series is as good as the trailers look. I think it'll do very well as a series rather than a movie, since the chapters are so episodic in the first book especially. I just hope that The Mouse™ doesn't cancel it prematurely. ANYWAY. I'm in that fun (horrible) state of jumping into the fandom pool where I am stoked to look at tags and search up fanart of characters, but having only read 2/7 books, I absolutely can't do that yet, because I don't want to get spoiled. I already am foaming at the mouth ready to meet a specific character that I see everywhere, but I don't think they show up until like two more books. Ahh! I hope they are as baby as the fanart I've seen has been. Luckily I've only been spoiled on two things so far... I'm kinda plugging my ears and going "lalalala!!" for how until I can blast through more of the books. Uhhhhh that's it! Not really a point to this post. It's just me waving hello to the Percy Jackson fandom I guess. Hello there! I hope to browse your tags and have A Very Normal Time about this series when I'm safely through it all!

[valleynix]

OMG OMG OMG, DUDE YOURE STORY IS LITERALLY SO GOod like the way you write each character has me swooning and exactly how I picture them. Bela’s HBIC attitude but secretly sweet, Cassandra’s reluctance to show she cares, but you know she does from the little things, Daniela is so f*cking perfect ahhhh. I’m not lying when I say I kick my feet in the air with the little fluff sprinkled in. I don’t even care if there is plot anymore I JUST WANT MORE CUTE SHIT PLEASE.

AND you brought me to TEARS with that reveal. Ain’t no way reader is gonna come in and slaughter my babies. Like I was genuinely upset (not surprising tho I tear up killing them in the game. Like I’m at the 4 hour mark and still avoiding the Library and Armory LMAO) but no please don’t make this a angsty ending I’m begging let my babies be happy pleassseeeee.

I actually am not able to read a triple Dimitrescu gang bang (LMAO WhAT???) with out the proper characterization, or at least how I picture them. AND YOUVE NAILED IT SHEEEEESSSHHHH. Cassandra has me squealing the most tho, she’s so precious even tho she’s trying to be a mean >:( ( I’m on chapter 10 so I’m not caught up but this ^^^^^^ is what I think so far lolz.

Sorry this is all over the place but I’m an absolute slut for Bela, Cass, and Dani, like I know Dommy Mommy is there too but like I’m here for the fruit flies. They’re my favorite and it’s hard to find good fics with them and I love yours sm.

SIDE NOTE HAVE YOU LISTENED TO “Don’t Save Me” by Chxrlotte. Bestie when I say this is readers song, I mean PLEASE LISTEN TO IT AND READ THE LYRICS WHILE YOU DO. TELL ME ITS NOT THEIR SONG. EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO IT I THINK OF YOUR FIC PLEASE LISTEN.

Anyways love ya, you’re awesome 🫡🫡🫡

THE WAY THIS JUST MADE MY ENTIRE NIGHT PLEASE SDKJFHSDKJFHSD HOLY SHIT <3333333

i definitely do not recommend reading very far on this blog until you get caught up 😭 there are a lot of spoilers from other chapters that i'm sure you'd want to read firsthand <3

BUT HHHHH THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY, i see the Dimitrescus getting mischaracterized SO often and it upsets me so much :( like they're so much more and so much DEEPER than what a lot of people assume, and i've tried my best to portray that in this story to the best of my ability. it makes me so glad to see it's being received well 😭😭😭

i don't plan on a completely angsty ending!! i couldn't bear to leave them with unhappy thoughts or anything, even if i might joke about it 😭 i can guarantee things might get more convoluted from here on out (especially with Lunatic's (the copy's) attitude and all), but i am here if you have any questions!!! i love helping y'all understand as well as i can :D

Alcina is definitely still there, and she has her moments, but i've been a bit... biased?? with the fruit flies??? i adore them to pieces and they've been getting WAY better treatment 😭 i've also been trying really hard not to make anything between them gross or even with their bits of jealousy, trying not to make it weird?? despite all of them sharing someone??? which really isn't hard to do and i wonder why some people cough struggle with that 😭😭

ANYWAYS I HAVE NOT LISTENED TO THAT BUT I 100% WILL!!!! i'm about to go lay down (sleepy after work) and i will absolutely analyze this song while i rest. i love when y'all recommend songs RRRRR IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY

okay anyway enough rambling KSJDFHS my eyes hurt. i'm so glad you're enjoying the fic so far and i hope it'll only get better (though perhaps more confusing) as you read further <333333 HAVE A LOVELY EVENING OR DAY OR WHICHEVER IT IS FOR YOU!!! <333333

[today-only-happens-once]

With Great Power - Chapter 4

Title: With Great Power – Chapter 4

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | AO3

Fic summary: Thomas Sanders is just a regular social media personality. But when he gets bit by a spider during filming one of his YouTube videos, his whole life is about to turn upside down—whether he (or the aspects of his personality) want it to or not. Platonic LAMP/CALM + Character!Thomas. Spider-Man AU.

Chapter Word Count: 3377

Chapter warnings: mention of death, panic attack, lying, cursing, nausea, dizziness, risky and unsafe behavior (and encouragement of it)

A/N: Hi hello it’s been too long. But the Big Deal Real Life Time Sucking Thing has been turned in and hopefully I will have some more free time on my hands. ^u^ This chapter had some surprises for me as a writer, so I hope you find it enjoyable! Edited by yours truly, so all mistakes are mine.

Tags: @captain-loki-xavier, @human-dictionary @the-peculiar-bi-tch @mining-pup @band-be-boss-blog @asexual-trashbag @samathekittycat @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @theobsessor1 @always3charcoaltea @changeling-ash @logical-princey @crimsonshadow323 @flickering-raven @smokeyrutilequartz @dontbugmeimantisocial @soijusthavetoask @marvelfangeek09 @princelogical @creativenostalgiastuff @vigilantvirgil

…

Later that night, Thomas lays on his bed in the dark and stares up at the flat ceiling of his bedroom. Dodie’s newest EP floats through the air softly—he’d turned it on with the perhaps hypocritical hope that listening to his friend’s music would help him feel better about avoiding, well… his friends.

Once the news started showing stills of him in his scarf and sweatshirt—most of them mercifully blurry—with the anchors musing about who the stranger may be, Thomas had switched off the TV. He really wished they’d focus more on the kid, or even the guys that tried to take him. Anything but their apparent crusade to identify “Spider-Man”.

Turning off the TV, unfortunately, did very little to assuage the churning in his stomach. The events of the day flashed through his mind in broken fragments. The woman crying out for her kid, the wide and fearful eyes magnified by the glasses on the kid’s nose looking at him through the rear windshield, the snarl of contempt from the driver of the vehicle…

Thomas sighs and scrubs a hand across his eyes. The alarm clock on the nightstand politely informs him that it’s nearly 2 in the morning. He wonders bitterly if there is anything more frustrating than being utterly exhausted and still unable to sleep. His body feels like lead but his mind is still running through the events of the day like a highlight reel.

“This isn’t working,” he mutters aloud to himself. He takes a breath as if it will ease the churning in his stomach. Closing his eyes, he reaches through his mind with the probing thought.

Virge?

A sigh that isn’t exactly Thomas’s own echoes in his head. Yeah, Thomas, comes Virgil’s voice, sounding unsurprised. One sec.

The host opens his eyes again and blinks at the ceiling that he’d been stuck to just earlier this morning. Was that really just this morning? It felt like a lifetime ago. Dodie’s “Monster” gives way to “Arms Unfolding” but it’s little comfort alone in the dark. A moment later, Thomas hears the familiar whoosh and glances over to see Virgil standing beside his bed. His hood is pulled up over his purple hair and his hands are shoved deep into the pockets of his patched hoodie.

It’s hard to see his eyes in the dark under the hood and shaggy bangs, but from the slight duck to his head, Thomas knows he’s avoiding his gaze.

The internet personality sits up and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m getting the feeling that you need to talk.”

Virgil lifts a noncommittal shoulder. “Logan already tried.” He nudges sock-clad feet against the Virgil 2.0 sweatshirt in a heap on the floor. Tension is etched carefully into every crevice of Virgil; evident, even in the dark.

Thomas looks at him patiently, shifting over slightly to make room. “Today was a lot.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Virgil snaps. His gaze flickers up to the vacated space on the bed. He sits gingerly on the very edge of it, as if he’s ready to bolt at a moment’s notice.

“So talk to me.”

Another long pause. It’s filled only with the soft, melodic sound of Dodie’s voice and the background whir of the apartment’s AC unit. The glow of the alarm clock’s red numbers does little in the way of light, and the darkness of the room so late at night seems to only amplify the silence between them. It stretches. For a moment, Thomas thinks Virgil isn’t going to say anything.

Then: “We could have actually, really died today.” Virgil’s words ring crystal clear and heavy in the dark. With it comes a tightening in Thomas’s chest. Virgil continues, the double vocalization leaking into his words. Amplifying them. “And don’t come at me with that ‘cognitive distortions’ crap. Not this time, Thomas. You know I’m right.”

Thomas can feel his heartbeat picking up in his chest and he takes in a deep breath through his nose. He holds it for a second, then releases it slowly through his mouth. He sees Virgil close his eyes as Thomas does it again. Virgil nods a silent thanks.

“But we didn’t,” Thomas replies softly as he feels the wave of panic brought on by that initial realization abates a little.

Virgil scoffs. “That’s kind of beside the point. We were in way over our heads.”

“But it turned out okay in the end.”

“Because we got lucky!” Virgil meets Thomas’s gaze for the first time tonight, his dark eyes cutting sharply through the space between them. “In fact, we got lucky a lot today. Lucky that we stuck to the car. Lucky that we caught the kid when he was about to faceplant into pavement going 45 miles per hour. Lucky that we got off the car when we needed to, that the driver didn’t have a gun or something, that nobody got a decent picture of you. The list goes on!”

Thomas is quiet for a moment, looking at Virgil carefully. At the tight clench to his jaw, the harsh glower from under his bangs, the aggression sketched into the edge of his stare. Thomas softens a little. “You’re right,” he says, and Virgil blinks at him, disarmed at the agreement. “We dove headfirst into a fight that wasn’t really ours in the first place.”

Virgil nods slowly. “Yeah…”

“So…Why?” Thomas tilts his head curiously as he asks.

Virgil arches an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”

The host sits up a little more, speaking as his thoughts come to him in a slow progression of understanding. “I mean… you’re my fight or flight, right? You said so yourself.”

Virgil rubs the back of his neck and averts his gaze again, favoring instead to focus on a picture of some of Thomas’s friends he’d had framed on his nightstand. “Right. I… I guess.”

Thomas is watching him closely as the thoughts begin to click into place. “If the fight wasn’t ours in the first place, if we were in way over our head, if the odds were most likely against us… why did you choose fight, Virgil?”

Virgil looks startled for a moment. “I…” the thought is left unfinished.

He huffs a breath and shoves a hand back through his hair. It knocks the hood off his head. Virgil doesn’t seem to notice or has decided he doesn’t care. Thomas doesn’t press him any further. Even in the dark, he can see the flicker of his eyes as he thinks back to that split-second decision.

“Because they were in danger,” Virgil says quietly. Simply. His eyes are abruptly wide. Afraid. “I didn’t think. They were danger, and I just… threw us headfirst into a fight we could have lost.” Thomas feels his chest seize suddenly, alarm surging up his throat as Virgil’s voice takes on a sudden and intense distortion. “You must hate me.”

“Whoa, whoa. No.” His breathing is getting faster. Thomas’s hands fist around the blanket across his lap as if it will ground him. “Virgil, you gotta—” His throat closes up with panic.

“I know! I know. I’m sorry, I—in for four seconds, Thomas.”

Thomas screws his eyes shut and focuses on his breathing. In through the nose for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, out through the mouth for eight. Repeat. Repeat again. Repeat a fourth time. He can hear Virgil breathing slowly with him.

“I don’t hate you,” Thomas says after a few minutes, when he’s felt his heart slowing back down and his throat doesn’t feel as tight. “I’m… actually really proud of you.”

Virgil’s eyes flit back up to Thomas’s. “Yeah?” The distortion is gone, but Virgil sounds smaller somehow.

Thomas smiles faintly. “Yeah. I mean… us running towards danger to help someone else instead of away from it? I’ve always wanted to think that I’d be that kind of person.” He nudges Virgil’s shoulder with his foot. “Now I know I am.”

The corner of Virgil’s mouth quirks for the briefest moment, then it disappears. He looks away. “I’m supposed to protect you, Thomas,” he says. “Running you straight into a fight isn’t exactly keeping you from harm. It’s pretty much exactly the opposite of that.”

“I don’t know about that,” Thomas says gently, thinking back through moments of the fight in the parking lot. His muscles ache slightly from the memory, but something more important sticks out. “I seem to remember a voice sounding an awful lot like yours telling me to duck before I would’ve taken a fist to the face.”

Virgil snorts. “Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck and glances at Thomas. He makes a face. “Honestly that was a little weird, right?”

“Weird?”

“Yeah. I mean… I don’t even know what made me yell that at you. I just had this sudden, intense feeling that you needed to duck. I didn’t know why.” He shakes his head and shrugs. “It was weird. But I’m kinda glad for it. A bloody nose isn’t exactly a becoming look on you.”

“Huh.” Thomas turns Virgil’s words over in his head for a moment. “Do you think it’s related to all the other, um… weird stuff?”

Virgil looks at him. “I don’t know. It might be?” He sighs. “Though ‘all the other weird stuff’ also hasn’t been helping with the whole…” He waves a hand vaguely.

Thomas huffs a suddenly exhausted laugh, not needing any further explanation from his Anxious Side. “Yeah,” he agrees. “I get what you mean. We don’t know what’s happened to me, or… even what I’m able to do. And that’s…”

“Unsettling,” Virgil finishes for him. Thomas nods.

Distantly, the internet personality hears a car roll by on wet pavement down the street outside of his apartment. His eyes drift around the room, lingering on the corner of his room by the closet. The same place he’d managed to get himself stuck to the ceiling. Maybe figuring some way to have better control—to not stick to walls and ceilings unless he wanted to, like when he stuck to the car—and exploring these new… abilities (powers? Thomas doesn’t know what to call them) would help.  

“Maybe tomorrow,” Thomas says carefully, “we can go… experiment a little. In a controlled environment.”

Virgil’s lips quirk up into a smile. “You sound like Logan.”

Thomas laughs and runs a hand down his face. “Yeah. It’s probably his idea. But what do you think?”

Virgil nods once. “I think it’s a good one.”

“Good.” He pauses as Virgil pushes up from his position on the bed. “Good night, Virgil.”

The Anxious Side gives him a small two-fingered salute as he sinks out. “G’night, Thomas.”

…

Thomas hits the cement floor hard and grimaces at the jarring impact, his shoulder taking the brunt of it. He groans and coughs a little before rolling to his feet. He pushes sweaty bangs out of his eyes and squints up at the window at the very top of the warehouse wall. Dusty, late afternoon sunlight filters through the small window and the piles of shipping containers cast long, dark shadows in the dimly lit building.

Thomas had found the warehouse on the outskirts of Gainesville the morning after his talk with Virgil, and he’d been coming here every day for almost a week. Two days ago, he’d tweeted out that he was feeling under the weather—and texted Joan and Camden about it—and tried to ignore just how much his stomach twisted uncomfortably with the knowledge that he was now lying to his fanbase as much as he was lying to his friends.

He’d been trying not to think about it.

“On a scale from 1 to 10,” Logan’s measured voice cuts into his thoughts, “how would you rate the effect of that impact on your body’s physical capabilities?”

“All right, Baymax,” Roman quips from where he’s leaned against a shipping container. “You could just ask him if he’s hurt, like a normal person.”

Thomas rolls his shoulder a couple of times, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “About the same as every other time I’ve crash-landed this week,” he says lightly. “So a little winded, but nothing that bad.”

Logan quirks an eyebrow from where he stands a few feet away, then jots something down on a clipboard. “Fascinating.”

Virgil sits perched on the top of an unmarked container, chewing on his thumbnail. “We definitely should have broken something that time.”

Patton—who is sitting beside him, his feet kicking back and forth slightly against the container—looks at Thomas worriedly. “You okay, kiddo? That one looked like it hurt.”

Thomas frowns, then rolls his shoulder slowly one more time. Just to be sure. “Yeah, actually.”

“Well,” Logan says, studying the clipboard in his hands. “That just about confirms it. We can include a notable increase in your physical durability on our list of physiological changes your body has undergone as a result of recent catalytic events.”

“Thomas, you’re virtually indestructible.”

“No,” Logan corrects Roman hastily, waving a pen in the Creative Side’s direction. “That would be hyperbole. However, you have certainly demonstrated an unnatural ability to withstand impact that would, under normal circumstances, severely injure any other human.”

Thomas grabs his water bottle from where he’d set it down by Roman’s feet. He nods his understanding, glancing around the warehouse. Truthfully, it was pretty much the perfect place for what he was doing. As far as Thomas could tell, the warehouse was mostly abandoned. Shipping containers were empty, but they provided a number of walls of various heights for Thomas to use for practice. And, perhaps most importantly, there wasn’t a soul around except for himself.

“It’s probably a good thing,” Virgil quips in reference to Logan’s comment, “given how many times you’ve faceplanted into concrete this week.” He holds his hands up in mock surrender at the disapproving look Patton throws at him.

Thomas acknowledges the comment with a brief glance before he surveys the warehouse again. They’d realized his strength level had markedly increased on day 1. Before things had started to change, Thomas couldn’t even do a pull up. Now? Now he could pull himself up onto a ledge with one arm. In fact, he lifted one of the warehouse boxes—weighing several tons, by Logan’s best estimate—like it was a slightly awkward desk.

“Thomas,” Logan interrupts, “what would you say is your fatigue level?”

Stamina was another thing that Logan had been keeping a close eye on. Usually, Thomas could manage a 2 mile run before he’d start to feel the fatigue. But he’d been working out—experimenting? Training? Honestly he didn’t know what to call it—for nearly eight hours each day. And sure, he’d be tired at the end, but there was still a marked difference in Thomas’s stamina level.

“I’m good,” Thomas tells him honestly. “Starting to feel it a bit, but I want to keep going.”

The one thing that continued to be a problem for him, really, was this whole “sticking/not sticking” thing. He was getting better as the days passed—practice makes perfect, as Patton kept telling him—but it wasn’t coming as naturally as the stamina or the strength. He kept falling or slipping. Again and again and again.

Logan hums in thought and writes down something else. “As you wish.”

Thomas’s gaze zeroes in on a stack of shipping containers a few yards away. He bounces on his feet a few times, stretching his neck. He flexes his fingers. His shoulders tense. He breathes in. Out.

He takes off sprinting.

Thomas kicks off the ground as he rushes up to the tower of containers, his hands finding unnatural purchase against their smooth walls. He kicks his feet up against it, grinning a bit to himself as they stick. He huffs a breath.

He climbs quickly as if it’s a ladder—hand, foot, hand, foot—and reaches up for the edge of the top container. He glances down and immediately wishes he hadn’t. At the same time that he realizes just how high up he really is, Thomas feels his feet slip. His hands let go. The ground rushes up to meet him very suddenly.

The wind leaves Thomas’s lungs. He wheezes, coughing in a desperate attempt to get air back. He lays there for a moment, waiting for the world around him to stop spinning. The lighting fixtures set up into the scaffolding of the warehouse ceiling turn briefly into double and triple images. Thomas squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for the high-pitched ringing in his ears to abate.

When he opens his eyes again after a long moment, he sees Roman standing above him. The Creative Side offers a hand, and Thomas accepts it as Roman helps him up to his feet.

“What happened?” Roman asks, walking back with him. “You were almost there.”

Thomas shakes his head without answering. He doesn’t know.

Wordlessly, Thomas turns on his heels once they get back to the starting point and faces the tower of shipping containers again. He breathes. He tenses. His weight shifts forward to the balls of his feet. He takes off running again.

Thomas scales the side of it just like he had before, getting about three quarters of the way up before his hands slip, his feet suddenly letting go. He plummets to the floor again.

“Thomas,” Logan says quietly when the host manages to push back up to his feet and stalk back towards the starting point again.

“He has to do this, Logan,” Roman says with a certain edge to his voice. “It’s not like it’s that hard!”

“Maybe he can’t,” Virgil quips.

“He has to.” Roman’s voice is a little higher than Thomas is used to hearing it. Something about it only spurs him on.

“Roman—” Patton tries, but Thomas doesn’t hear what his Morality is saying as he takes off at a dead run for the stack of shipping containers again.

This time, he feels his fingertips brush the very edge of the top container. Then he slips.

Thomas yelps in surprise, reaching blindly. One hand makes contact with the side of the containers as he slides down, and he feels a sharp pull in his shoulder as the hand sticks, abruptly stopping his fall. He grits his teeth, reaching his other hand up. The first hand lets go before he’s ready, and Thomas falls clumsily the rest of the way.

He lands awkwardly on his feet, the harsh impact bringing him to his knees. It sends a jolt of pain shooting up his body. Thomas falls forward onto his hands and knees, his eyes stinging. He takes a second to catch his breath.

“I think that’s enough for now,” Patton says from a distance, uncharacteristically firm. Thomas can hear a set of footsteps behind him, getting closer.

“Y-Yeah,” comes Roman’s voice, distant. It sounds tight and pained. “Yeah, okay. I’m gonna—” A grunt. “I’m gonna go lay down.”

The footsteps are right behind him now. Thomas hears Logan’s voice speak up from behind him, unusually gentle for the Logical Side. “Breathe, Thomas.”

Perhaps ironically, Thomas doesn’t have the breath to respond. He nods, hating the way his arms feel suddenly like jelly. His exhale is shaky. He bows his head and tries to focus on catching his breath. The concrete is cold and grounding, and Thomas leans so that his forearms and forehead are against the floor. It helps with the lingering dizziness.

After a moment, Thomas pushes himself up so that he’s just kneeling on the floor. Logan is standing in front of him now. The clipboard is gone. The internet personality glances around the warehouse and notices that Roman is nowhere to be seen. Patton stands a few steps behind Thomas, his eyes bright and worried. Virgil stands a few feet back. There’s something unreadable about his expression.

“Are you… all right?” Logan asks.

Thomas takes a deep, slow breath. It doesn’t shake as much. “Yeah,” he says unconvincingly. He pushes himself to his feet.

“It’ll come, kiddo,” Patton says as Thomas brushes past him.

Thomas doesn’t answer as he walks out of the warehouse.

[schism-au-blog]

Chapter 6

Rose stood on the cliff where she gave her speeches. She took a deep breath and walked to the edge so everyone could see her.

“Gems, tonight I have heard disturbing news. Gems have been shattered by Crystal Gems, gems I trust. Gems I care about. I beg of you all to cease this horrendous behavior. I do not want anything to do with a gem that is so easily capable of harming their fellow gem, even for a cause such as ours. Please. I’m begging you. I will not harm any gem who participated in today’s shattering, but in the future, any gem who attempts to do such a thing will be poofed and bubbled. It pains me to do so, but I cannot allow this to be tolerated.”

Rose hoped that would be enough. She hoped that that would be enough to quell the gems who so badly wanted metaphorical blood. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t. She knew it never would. She should’ve never done this. She should’ve kept it a secret from everyone.

“I welcome any gem who disagrees with me to come up here and make their own speech. I want to understand you. I want to hear what you have to say,” Rose said.

Slowly, deliberately, Snowflake Obsidian stood up and walked forward. She walked to the base of the cliff, then walked up. Garnet and Pearl, who were standing behind Rose, stood aside for her. Rose herself stepped back and allowed Snowflake to step forward. 

“Gems. We cannot allow the diamonds and other elites to continue their reign of terror any longer. We cannot allow them to have control over us. And if that means shattering a few gems, sobeit!” Snowflake exclaimed. “If you won’t allow us, then maybe you shouldn’t be our leader anymore!” she shouted at Rose. “This war needs to be won!”

Snowflake Obsidian looked around at the gems below. It was clear she couldn’t convince a majority, but she could probably make a faction out of the ones who agreed with her. “That’s why I’m starting the metallic gems. To show Homeworld who’s really boss! That we can stand up to them! That we will NOT let them push us around any longer!”

She turned to Rose. “Thank you, but I will take my leave now.”

Rose stood tall. “I pray that you will see the error of what you have done. I will let you go. But the Crystal Gems will fight against your Metallic Gems. I hope you can be happy with the divide you caused.”

Snowflake walked down and off the cliff, standing a ways away from the crystal gems. Peridot moved forwards to her, as did Aschamalmite, Emerald and Howlite. “Metallic Gems, let’s find somewhere else. We’re not wanted here,” Snowflake said.

Snowflake and the rest left. They walked until they were out of sight. Rose once again stood on the edge of the cliff and spoke. “I am very disappointed to see our friends go. They were wonderful to have here with us, and they will be dearly missed. Those of you who have decided to stay, thank you. This will be immensely difficult. We will be forced to fight a war against two enemies who will be willing to use extreme measures to defeat us. We cannot give in to them. We must fight. We must continue on. We can still make the earth a place for all gems and humans to thrive. Let us remember what we’re fighting for. For the good of all gemkind, of all humankind, for every plant and animal on this planet. Remember, we are fighting a war for the earth, not against the diamonds. We cannot allow anything to stand in the way of that.”

Pearl stood next to Rose. She cleared her throat and spoke. “When I first joined the Crystal Gems, I did so to follow Rose. Since then, I’ve learned about freedom and choice. About choosing your role for yourself, about being more than what you were made to do. I think all gems should have that opportunity. A shattered gem will never get that chance.”

Garnet now stood between them. “When I first formed, Blue Diamond was going to shatter me, or at least half of me. If I had heard that the Crystal Gems also shattered, I may have never joined. But we don’t. That’s what separates us from the diamonds. No matter what someone does, we’re willing to listen to them. To hear their point of view. Our main obstacle to claiming this planet as a haven for gems and humans that don’t fit into what the diamonds want to be will always be the diamonds. However, if gems are being shattered, some gems will live in fear.”

“No one should feel alone,” said Rose. “No one should feel like there’s no one to help them. We need to step up as a helping hand even more now. We need to stop the metallic gems, and the homeworld gems. This makes our fight harder, but it is still possible. We can do this. I believe in all of you.” Rose smiled. She did truly believe in the gems in front of her, just as she believed in Peridot, and Snowflake Obsidian, and- she frowned.  The weight of what had just happened hit her, and she gave a final wave to the crowd before walking down the cliff.

“Thank you, for doing that with me,” she told Garnet and Pearl.

“Thank you for teaching me so much,” Pearl responded. “I wouldn’t know anything about the feeling of freedom without you.”

Rose smiled. “Thanks. The two of you truly mean the world to me.”

“Now, we need to figure out what to do from here,” Garnet said.

Rose nodded. “Right. Strategizing will be a lot more difficult now that we have two opponents to worry about.”

“Homeworld will still be far more important,” Pearl reminded her.

“Of course,” said Garnet. “And the metallic gems probably won’t attack us. They’ll focus on Homeworld. If we’re lucky, Homeworld will focus on them too.”

“They’ll shatter each other,” Rose said glumly. “I wish they wouldn’t shatter anyone.”

“Me roo,” Pearl said. “But we can’t change reality just by wishing.”

“No,” said Rose. “We have to fight for it.”

Garnet, Pearl, and Rose headed back to the base and discussed strategies.

Meanwhile, the metallic gems were establishing a base of their own.

“So, what do we do now?” Aschamalmite asked. “We can’t use the Crystal Gem bases, and certainly not the Homeworld bases, so where do we go now?”

“Let’s start at Bismuth’s forge,” Snowflake responded. “She’s our leader, even if she’s trapped in a bubble. She stood up for what she believed in and what did she get for it?”

“We know,” said Peridot. “That’s why we’re with you.”

“Right,” said Snowflake. “Only Bismuth could activate the forge, but the rest of us can build around it.”

“But won’t the Crystal Gems be able to guess where we are?” asked Howlite. “It’s a pretty easy spot to guess.”

“What are they gonna do, shatter us?” Snowflake asked. “Besides, we know where all of their bases are. We know where Homeworld is.”

“But we’re smaller than even the Crystal Gems!” Howlite said. “We’re only five gems!”

“The Crystal Gems started out as just Rose and Pearl. We can grow. But we can’t if no one can find us. If you can think of a better place, we can settle there.”

“No,” said Howlite, “Outside of Bismuth’s forge is a good spot.”

“And imagine when we unbubble her. The forge can be the heart of the base. It’ll be like us, forged in fire and ready to fight,” said Snowflake.

Peridot grinned. “I like it. Think about what we’ve managed to do already. All we’ll be able to continue to do.”

“We can fight Homeworld like never before,” announced Howlite.

“I’m afraid I won’t be as capable at building things as all of you,” said Emerald. “I don’t even know why I joined. It’s just, the fire in all of your eyes. It’s something I want to get behind.”

“Welcome aboard,” said Snowflake. “Don’t worry about what you can do, we’ll be just as accepting as the Crystal Gems, we’re just going to be willing to do what we need to do to make that change everywhere.”

Emerald smiled. “I wasn’t close with Bismuth, so I don’t know if we have as good of a leader as the Crystal Gems do, but I do know we have a valiant cause.”

“You can stand watch while the rest of us start building,” Aschamalmite said. “We’ll need to make sure no other gems go unnoticed.”

“We should also plan to raid a Homeworld lab soon,” Peridot said. “I’ll need some tech if I want to make anything truly impressive.”

“Luckily, we should have enough material in the mountain to make a functional base,” said Howlite, inspecting it. “I think we should make the majority of it underground, like the forge.”

“Yes! That will probably make it as easy as possible, and also conceal our location to Homeworld and the Crystal Gems,” said Aschamalmite.

“Actually, Emerald, how’d you like to raid a lab with me right now?” Peridot asked. “I think we could probably grab a drill or injector head or something to speed this along.”

Emerald nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Does anyone have any information on where anything is?”

“Shoot, we need spies,” said Snowflake. “We won’t be of much use without them.”

Aschamalmite raised her hand. “I don’t mind my homeworld role, if I’m doing it for a good cause. Plus, basically nobody’s going to ask about where an Aschamalmite came from. We’re just not worth considering for most gems.”

“Perfect. So, for now, I'm the leader, Howlite’s our builder, Emerald’s our raider, Peridot’s our tech whiz, and Aschamalmite’s our spy,” Snowflake said.

“Do we need a recruiter?” Emerald asked. “We can’t do much with such a small team.”

“Right now, I’m planning on helping Howlite with building, but after we have the basics down, we’ll probably switch off on recruitment duty,” said Snowflake.

Howlite nodded. “I’m not as charismatic as you or Rose, but I can certainly try.”

“You’ll be great!” Snowflake asserted. “And if any of you want to switch roles, you can just ask.”

“I think I’m good for now,” Aschamalmite said, and everyone else nodded in agreement.

“Well, if anyone changes their minds, or if we need anything else, we’ll all be in constant communication, right?”

“Of course!” said Emerald. “That’s one advantage we have because of our size. We can meet all together more often, not just for emergencies.”

“And of course, we have to put together a plan to unbubble Bismuth,” Snowflake said. “We’ll need her help.”

“We can work on that later,” Howlite said. “Let’s get the basics together first.”

“Right. Honestly I hope no humans join at this stage. We’re not adequately prepared to provide food, water, or shelter,” Peridot pointed out.

“Plus, with where we’re building, sections of the base will probably be far too hot for humans to withstand,” Howlite added.

“Yet another reason not to focus on recruitment yet,” Snowflake said. “We can do this. We have will and strength that the Crystal Gems, nevermind Homeworld could never dream of. We will be able to accomplish more in fifty years than they have in their whole rebellion. We won’t be afraid to hold back.”

“Let’s fight against the odds, the diamonds and the elites, together!” Emerald exclaimed. 

“Together!” the other metallic gems echoed.

While night fell, the diamonds were plotting, the metallic gems were celebrating, and the crystal gems were fretting (especially Pearl). The crystal gem rebellion was unprecedented by itself, but a rebellion against the first rebellion in gem history? That was truly unheard of. New territory was something every crystal gem was familiar with, but this felt out of reach even for them. There was endless work cut out for all three groups. This would not be a simple war, if any war could be said to be simple.

Taglist: @suartz

[saintobio]

aaa saint !! u don't know how happy i was when i saw "sincerely not - fifteen" on your blog 😭💖 it feels like receiving a text from your crush xD and the amount of fluff ✨✨ househusband gojo made me cry a little bit 😿💖 i am, once again and as always, in awe with your writing <3 it's so beautiful i can't help but reread some of the lines 🥺 i'm glad to hear you enjoyed writing chapter 15 and that you feel more motivated to write sn (from the one you woke up and fell in love w him all over again xD) after the amount of burnout u got from it :( well i hope the series will not stress you out too much and please just continue to write for you and you only, we are just simply here to admire your works and accompany your journey as readers <3 take a break if you need to n take care of yourself, saint (*ﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ

i find meditating quite helpful when i'm stressed, especially if it's from overthinking! or i'd journal or rant with a close friend, sleeping helps too :) if you ever feel stressed, i hope you'd consider trying these if you haven't before and i hope it helps 💖 have a lovely day/night saint 🥰 you're doing great 🤩💞

thats so cutefjdj 😭😭😭 i still have the motivation to write sn and i do love writing it despite the burnout it gives me hhhhh but all in all, my life has been busy lately so even if i wanna sit down and write, i only have very little time to do so throughout the day 🥺 i rly am sorry for making u guys wait !!

and thank u for the advice, anon <3 i’ll try that too. honestly watching space vids is very therapeutic to me esp when i’m stressed bc i always remember that none of my problems now will matter much in the future. i’m just a grain of sand compared to what’s out there :))) it’s amazing and strangely comforting

[icicleteeth]

Hi, Teeth :)

Just wanna say I love Mage's Servant.

I was reading chapter 10, and I really like the part when they hanging around in Foreign Quarter, buying and eating and be happy.

I draw you a fanart. Hope you like it. Have a nice day.

Loveyoubye

AAAAAA???? OMG IM SO SORRY I DONT KNOW HOW LATE I AM TO THIS BUT THIS IS SO SWEET AAAA ;___;

Hhhhh goodness, it means so much to me that you enjoy Mage's Servant, much less enough to draw fanart of it!! *And* of the chapter that was my favorite to write??? Thank you so so much, I love it!! :'O <3

[shinayashipper]

Puzzleshipping Comic: Ambitions

I’m big dumb and there’s timezones so you’re probably resting right now but @xauroraxborealisx​ !!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! It’s 31/10 here so- HHHHH Hope you see this once you wake up and be brightened! Please enjoy!

-

This is the little thing I can offer you... a short fan-comic for your fic Elemental - Chapter 2: Ambition !!!

Elemental is the first fic I read from you, and it’s really special to me, because I got to know you and many other lovely people since then. This chapter in particular is what hooked me into your writings, I really love Ambition-Drowning-Transcend HHHH THAT TRIO... yes... I chose to do Ambition because it’s the first one of those particular chapters. Anyway, I hope I can convey it through this little thing! Hope you like it!

You can also read it on my Pixiv HERE for a more comfortable reading experience (you can just scroll down)

6 pages in total! Please enjoy!

THERE!! THAT’S IT!

HHHHHH

HOPE YOU ENJOYED AAAHHHH

[traumxrei-archive]

The Jamil ficlet was really cute! jelly snake go brrrrrrrrrrr

im not the biggest fan of jamil (that’s probably/definitely gonna change when more of chapter four comes out on en hhhhh) but i really liked it! i swear by the end of this event im gonna have brainrot of all the boys /lh

(Also gonna be doing around 4-5 ten pulls on beans floyd banner tonight so 🫠 /lh )

Anyway hope your having fun with the writing prompts, your writing is always stellar!

-🍓

(jamil ficlet go brr)

AYYYY !! i'm glad ppl seem to be enjoying jelly snake !! idk what possessed me to write it but i just did so hehe

and trust me !! i feel like you'll have a place for him in your heart after the end of book 4 ! book 4 made me turn from a jamil appreciator to a full blown jamil brainrotter (also partially bc of all the asks i got of him-) but yes ! and that's so trueee beansfest tryna make us fall in love with literally EVERYONE !

(good luck on your floyd pulls !! hope he comes home without any struggle <333 you reminded me i wanted to try doing a ten pull bc i was close to pity so i might do that...)

and thank you ! i'm currently writing a leona one and the tension is so thicc you can cut it with a knife and serve it on a plate at mostro lounge- as always thanks for the feedback strawberry anon <3

[enbeemagical]

*singsong* aaaand the moment you've all been waiting for *drumroll* The Snake and the Star chapter 14 teasers!!

Aaravos is pretttttyyyyy ticked at Viren actually

...aaaand at Kasef, because Kasef is something of an idiot

Awww Loki 🥺

yeah you know what, that was smart

oh c'mon, Sparkles, did you have to use Ventus Spiralis on Violin /hj

Aaravos...does not like Viren much SORRY VIRAVOS SHIPPERS

Ooo but Loki found a thing

and magic is PRETTY

Well somebody’s having a hard time being patient

Oh, good Sparkles! Very good promise-keeping

small ow

Unfortunately they’re not

Aaravos, you are entirely too clever sometimes, you know that?

that is another small ow

CLEVER Loki!

sidenote: I am lowkey scared of what Hope would do with Loki’s magic

no but look Sparkles, no one thought anyone’d be attacking her! sheesh

Wonderful /extreme sarcasm

Because we all enjoy rogue volkswagens /s

Viren. Darling. Please listen to the sparkly murder elf. If you do not, you will soon have a stabby shapeshifter explaining why you should have. With a small side of death.

yeah, food helps

Betcha you never thought you’d see a fic with Aary on this side of that scene

be nicer to smol stab elf >:(

Aww, Loki do be concerned for Sparkles 🥺

he’s right tho

ohhhhhkay here we go

Introspective Aaravos, very cool beans

turns out he lowkey ships Rayllum. Who knew?

‘m sad now

gah, FEELINGS

hhhhh MORE FEELINGS

iconic scene, but

Did anyone anticipate a 5,000 year old master of seven kinds of magic to be at all envious of an almost-15-year-old who knows like three spells? anyone???

FEELINGS

ohhhh I want to hug Loki so much ohhhhhhhhh

is so SWEET

Enter: angry Claudia

HHHHH LOKIIIIIIIII 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Sparkles: head empty only Loki

aaaaaw Claudia need help tho

yes do what Loki said

hug ^_^

this hurt to write

yes but HUG LOKI MORE

--so yeah this is one of my ideas for how the caterpillar spell works, because Aaravos leaving his body behind is like....kinda creepy??

Loki is so SWEET heart go 💔 so much with him

plans already?

YES REALIZE THAT

huh, how about that, writers fate is evil

We do love us some impossible choices ^_^ ^_^

nO LOKI DONT--

aaand my brain is now going “You try my patience. Make. Your. Choice.” why must it do this to me

GOOD CHOICE

Lokiiiiiiiii

very good, keeping your intention firmly in mind, turns out magic responds well to that

“uniquely Loki” Hope have I mentioned how much I love that? It just. It feels very nice 

NO--

smart elf

(for once)

New name!

IT TALK HALP

IT SMART TOO O.O

Have I mentioned that I am lowkey scared of Hope’s brain + Loki’s magic??? please never turn your mind against me 

aw :)

Loki: coming off of weird magic high. Aaravos: confuse but very very happy.

Your Honor, I LOVE THEM

Aaravos: no freedom only Loki. Loki: *yeets freedom* Aaravos: 🥺🥺🥺

If anyone was wondering why I firmly believe Aaravos talks in my brain, it’s because I can’t do ideas like this on my own.

hhhhhh I choke up reading this bit

where did all the serotonin come from i’ma be grinning like an idiot for a couple days hhhh

@alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice @siriuslyremus @plumblueflower @mossypebbles @shiniestcrow @friedrich-the-gay @olivenight17 @they-say-im-trouble @mxmonster @arcadialedger @perlelas @iabandonedmybois @disasterinpink @13-secret-poems @bifrostedgalaxy @worstloki @goddess-of-fandoms97 @dupstep-branch @queerblackcloud  THEY BE CUTE

[drabblily]

pairing: akaashi keiji x female reader

genre: fluff, TLFY!au

warnings: a little nsfw

word count: 1280

synopsis: on a trip to your parents’ house for akaashi to meet them, you also take a trip down memory lane as well

author’s note: chapter fourteen of ellie and i’s “the last five years” au collab. HHHHH i love this chapter, hope you enjoy it too <3

my best friend had a little situation at the end of our senior year

and like a shot, she and mitchell got married that summer

you sat in the passenger seat of akaashi’s black convertible, the wind ruining your perfectly done hair; even though your parents would probably scold you on looking so improper you couldn't seem to care about that at all in the moment. you had your senior yearbook out, telling your boyfriend about your old friend who got knocked up in high school. 

“carolann was getting bigger literally every minute, you wouldn’t believe how huge she got, ‘kaashi! and mitchell was going out ev’ry night being a heavy-metal drummer...i mean i guess it worked out for them though, they got a little cute house on a little cute street with a crucifix on the door. oh! but mitchell got a job at a record store in the mall, so maybe not so much?” you giggled, closing the book.

just the typical facts of a typical life in a town on the eastern shore

“oh really? did you want something like that, hmm?” he asked teasingly, coming to a stop at a red light, looking at you with an eyebrow raised. 

you thought about his question, thought about what you wanted...and it wasn’t like that at all. you looked towards akaashi, shaking your head quickly, “i made carolann a cute baby sweater, thinking ‘i can do better than that!’” leaning over the center console, you grabbed your boyfriend’s pretty face in your hands and pressed a quick kiss to his soft lips. the traffic lights turned to green but he didn’t start driving again; instead, he went to go in for another kiss--well tried to before you ended up smacking him away with a laugh, telling him to start driving again.

in a year or so, i moved to the city, thinking “what have i got to lose?” 

got a room, got a cat, and got twenty pounds thinner

you sighed, looking up to the blue sky in wonder and disbelief, a wild memory of your past relationship coming to your head. “i remember, i met a guy in a class i was taking with some very well placed tattoos,” you started, rolling your eyes at the thought of him, “he wouldn’t leave me alone ‘less i went with him to dinner.”

“tell me about him, love.” the nickname akaashi had grown to give you made your stomach twist and explode with butterflies, embarrassing warmth flooding your cheeks.

“well, i guess he was cute, and i guess he was sweet, and i guess he was good in bed. i gave up my life for the better part of a year. so i’m starting to think that this maybe might work and the second it entered my head…” your head rolled to look at your lover, deadpanning, “he needed to take some time off, focus on his ‘career.’ he blew me off with a heartfelt letter! the audacity, really...but i couldn’t help but think ‘i can do better than that!’”

you don’t have to get a haircut, you dont’t have to change your shoes, you don’t have to like duran duran...just love me…

you reached your hand over to him, running your fingers through his black locks, tugging it ever so slightly. he eyed you from the corner of his eyes, looking at you curiously with a pleasured groan, “what?”

“just thinking. listen, you don’t have to put the seat down--” he snorted at your words, interrupting your intimate speech that you just came up with two seconds ago, “listen! you don’t have to watch the news, you don’t have to learn to tango. you don’t have to eat prosciutto, you don’t have to change a thing for me ‘kaashi.”

just stay with me

he drove to a private corner that wasn’t on your way to your parent’s house, pulling over and parking the car. he took off his seatbelt, looking at you with need, “get in the back, love.” a shiver ran down your spine and straight to your core at his dominant tone, immediately climbing over the chair and taking off your cardigan, watching as he got out of the car and took off his own dress shirt, jumping over the door to get to you quicker (the way his toned muscles in his arm tensed as he did so was so very intoxicating.)

his hands slid under back, fitting himself between your legs like a puzzle, leaning down to place kisses all over your jaw and neck, nipping at your skin here and there. you arched into him, a small moan escaping your lips, your nails dragging down his back. “i want you and you and nothing but you,” you breathed out, grabbing his face to look at you, “miles and piles of you. finally, i’ll have something worthwhile to think of each morning…”

you kissed him deeply, your mouth automatically opening for his access. your hands reached down to unbuckle his pants, making quick work with unbuttoning them next. he got up off of you, kicking his pants off quickly. “what else do you want, darling? i’ll give it to you, anything.” 

“you, ‘kaashi, and nothing but you.” you sat up, pushing him back down and straddling his hips as best as you could in the small car. you tugged your shirt off--luckily you did wear a skirt today so...that was easy to work with. he dove into your chest, your hands flying back up to his hair and pulling at it. you dragged your teeth along his earlobe, panting into his ear, “you’re mine. totally mine.”

i don’t need any lifetime commitments

i don’t need to get hitched tonight

you were back on the road, fixing your smudged lipstick with a smile. you stole a look at akaashi, admiring his disheveled hair and marks that you left on his neck. “like what you see?” he teased, his electrifying blue eyes narrowed at you.

“hell yeah i do.” you pinched his cheek playfully, sticking your tongue out before becoming somewhat serious again, “i don’t mean to put on any pressure, ‘kaashi, but i know when a thing is right, and i spend everyday re-configuring my senses! so when when we get to my house, take a look at that town, at how far i’ve gone. i will never go back, never look back anymore because it feels like my life led right to your side and will keep me there from now on!” 

he softly smiled at you, caressing your cheek, “i love you, y/n.”

think about what you wanted

think about what could be

think about how i love you

he pulled into your childhood neighborhood, parking his car at the curb in front of your parents’ house. before he could open his door, you grabbed onto his wrist, “say you’ll move in with me. think about it, at least. think of what’s great about me and you. think of the bullshit we’ve both been through. think of what’s past. because…we can do better than that, keiji.”

you saw him gulp when you said his actual name for the first time before breaking out into a wide grin, “love...i don’t have to think about it. let’s do it, okay? anywhere you want, as long as we are together.” 

you smiled brightly, tears springing to your eyes at his sudden acceptance, “i love you, so much. oh! there’s my parents, ah--wait you have a little bit of my lipstick on your lip, lemme help you so my mom doesn’t think bad of you…”

we can do better than that!

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[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.