#hints of depression!

[rosemary-morgan]

Javier Escuella X F.Reader - It's never to late to repent (Part 2)

(Pictures found on pinterest/google. That one with Javier is mine. Collage made by me 🌺)

Many thanks to @fangirl-ramblings 🖤 she has been beta reading for me 🌹

The second chapter is online 🥰 thanks to all who read and like my story 🐝🌺 I hope you will enjoy the second chapter too!

@rose-of-black-blood @livingdeadgirly

If anyone of you want to be tagged to not miss the newest chapter, please let me know 🙏

👉Read Part 1 /Part 3 / Part 4

Warning: a little angsty, broken hearts and their effects, hints of depression!

Summary: Javier is trying to escape his past, while you still have the hope of seeing him again one day. But the loneliness and pain of a broken heart keeps pulling you back to reality. This never-ending pain just doesn't seem to go away, and you try to suppress it as much as you can…

Javier Escuella X F.Reader - It's never to late to repent (Part 2)

Javier sighed softly while sitting by the fire and sharpening the blade of his knife. The pleasant tranquility of nature surrounded him. The soft croaking of the crickets was like a chorus in unison.

Many things were going through Javier's mind, he thought about the turn his life had taken since Dutch's downfall, the downfall of his family. After Javier lost all his trust in Dutch, he lost himself. He had traveled a lot, trying to cope with the pain and the loss of his family, but he had fallen into one shit situation into another. But at some point Javier had realized that real life was different. He had realized that it had been time to come to rest, to earn his money with decent work. It was not a life of luxury that Javier lived. He lived in a small hut, a bit away from the city center. This was the best he could get in the area, yet it was possible for him to sleep in a bed, something that had been impossible for him for decades. His job was making furniture, engraving it. He had a talent for that kind of thing and his boss liked what he saw. In the last few months, Javier had made great progress. There was a customer in Saint Denis who wanted to see his skills and so Javier was asked to visit that customer. Well… then you came into the picture. Suddenly you were there, in Saint Denis. Javier had avoided this cursed city for years, for he had not come to terms with the bank robbery that had gone wrong in 1899. It had been the beginning of the end.

Javier would never be able to forget how young Lenny had been lying in his own blood. Shot by Pinkertons. Or Hosea who had been a father figure to all of them. A man who had taught him so many things. Guarma was also a dark chapter in his life. He had been tortured there and that had left its mark on his psyche.

Seeing you was the happiest moment for him in years. Knowing that you were alive was an incredible relief for Javier. Yet you seem so far away from him. How could he ever come face to face with you? After he had sent you to hell because, unlike him, you had realized the truth. God, he wanted you so much. Javier suffered like a dog without you. All these years he had been as miserable as you. Living apart from you was a torture for him!

Javier put his knife aside to pull out a piece of jewelry from his vest pocket. It was a necklace, with a medallion. He opened it and looked at your photograph. After all these years, he still had it with him. It was the only thing he had left of you. How many sleepless nights had he had? He couldn't even count them. Nights in which he had looked at your beautiful picture and guilt had eaten him up.

"Y/N… Mi rosa…"

He clasped the medallion with his hand, closing his eyes as he did so, trying to suppress the pain in his heart, but he had never been able to do that before either.

“Mi amor… nunca he dejado de amarte” (I’ve never stopped loving you)

Maybe you were married? Had children? Javier didn't know. Did he even want to know? See you with another man by your side? Probably not!

But this uncertainty would kill him! Making him extremely restless with these thoughts! He sighed in annoyance, started to wriggle his leg, his whole body moving as he did so. He hated the thought of seeing you with another man! At some point it became so unbearable for him that he got on his horse and went for a night ride. He needed a clear head now, he needed to sort out his thoughts…

♦♦♦♦

You looked at yourself in the mirror, really liking how the new dress looked on you. It's been a long time since you last treated yourself. You were actually only working to earn your salary, and had often forgotten to do something good for you. Therefore, it came in handy that the train connection had broken down and had forced you to stay in Saint Denis yesterday. With a smile you pulled the fabric over your shoulders, looking at your skin and how the dress flatters your figure. It was a dark green dress, or emerald green as the seller had called it. Actually, you had no idea what occasion you would wear this dress to, but you had liked it so much that you wanted it. Of course, you could have sewn one for yourself, but you still had orders waiting and you couldn't just let them wait.

"I could wear it… wear it tonight?"

You looked thoughtfully in the mirror as you adjusted your dress. You knew about a performance at the theater. It would be the perfect opportunity to wear this dress. So why not? What was wrong with a young woman going to the theater alone? You had done everything alone for the last five years, so you were used to it, along with the stares from the people, since it was rather unusual for a young woman to sit down alone in a restaurant, or to go into a theater. You still had to admit that it often hurt to see couples. Couples walking through the park holding hands. People looking at each other in love while sitting in a restaurant and letting their food get cold because they didn't care about what was going on around them. You had once felt that feeling too. That feeling of love and happiness. Oh, how you wanted to experience that again…

Your gaze wandered to the ground as your thoughts searched for Javier. You couldn't help it, but sometimes this man just crept into your mind. There was nothing you could do about those memories, even though it hurt so much that very moment. Loneliness has become a bitter companion in your life. And the more you thought about it, the more you fell into sadness. Now, in those moments when you were not among people, those were the most difficult moments for you because you had the feeling that no one would see your tears. You sighed heavily as the first tears shimmered in your eyes. Until a few seconds ago, you had been happy about your dress, until Javier had come back to your mind. You had asked yourself the absurd question of whether he would like you in this dress. But it didn't matter at all, because there would be no answer.

Why had Javier hurt you so much ? You couldn't forget his words until today. And yet you had forgiven him. But you didn't know if he was still alive. There was not even an address where you could send him a letter. There were hundreds of letters in your home. Letters that you had written, but never sent. Some you had burned in the fire, others you had torn up. And that's what you did in the beginning to banish Javier. But it was of no use…

You shook your head, undid the bows on your dress to loosen the corset and finally pulled it off your body. What was that all about? Why this torture? You decide to go back home right away. Work was calling and that had always been the best distraction for you. When you had taken off your dress, you put back on the one you had come here in. Your mood had dropped rapidly and that you were sad could be seen clearly in your face, but you didn't care. A bit gruffly, you packed the new dress into the box, which you had received with the purchase, in order to be able to transport the dress safely home. Within a few minutes you were out of the hotel and headed straight for the train station. You hoped very much that you would be able to travel home.

With a quiet sigh, you headed to the cashier's desk to buy a ticket. While waiting, you let your eyes wander around the area. And suddenly, there it was again. The scent of spicy lavender. Just like the day before. Instantly you were reminded of Javier, because he had smelled the same! But you shook your head, about to banish that man from your mind again, when something caught your attention. When you looked out onto the platform, there was a young man… a cigarette in his hand. His raven black hair tied back in a pigtail. A red scarf he wore over a blue jacket. You frowned and stopped in place, watching the man and wondering if you had now completely lost your mind. You thought you saw Javier, but you couldn't swear to it, as he had his back to you. The supposed stranger threw his cigarette to the ground, blew out the smoke, and in the next moment looked slowly in your direction.

As if in a trance, you looked at him, not even hearing what the train conductor said to you, as he handed you the ticket. Javier really was standing in front of you. Only a few meters away, but he hadn't noticed you yet. But he felt all the more that he was being watched. This feeling grew stronger until Javier looked directly in your direction and when he saw you, his heart almost stopped. He stared at you, his throat went dry. How many times had he wished to see you again? How often had he imagined scenarios in which you would find each other again? Saying everything that had remained unspoken? And now that time had come. But for what he had done to you, he could not be ashamed enough. Not just what he had done to you. But John and Arthur as well. You'd probably send him to hell anyway.

"Miss? Miss, the train leaves in five minutes! Miss?"

But you didn't listen at all to the friendly man behind the counter and he gave up, served the other passengers. You were busy processing in your mind what just happened.

Only a few moments passed, but time seemed to stop. And that magic, that moment, dissolved when Javier shamefully averted his gaze from you and walked in the other direction.

"No…"

You wouldn't let him go! Not this time. It hurt you immensely to see him running from you after all these years. Did he have any idea how miserable you'd been without him? You immediately ran after Javier, calling his name.

"Javier!"

Instantly he stopped, looked down at the ground, and swallowed nervously. His Adam's apple trembled, he tried to suppress his tears that were just rising inside him. His heart was pounding up to his throat! His stomach contracted painfully. He heard your footsteps, but he still had his back turned to you. He perceived your scent and for a moment he closed his eyes to recall what you once were. A couple that had loved each other dearly. A young couple who believed that nothing could tear them apart. How wrong he had been. The most painful thing was that he had allowed you to be torn apart.

You stopped at his side, looked at his back, wondered if he still loathed you, because he didn't even look at you. But at least he had stopped.

"Javier?"

Carefully you put your hand on his shoulder, making him turn towards you, but still his eyes were not on you. You could make out a guilty look on his face, which gave you a glimmer of hope that he might feel something positive for you.

"What's wrong with you, Javier? Can't you look me in the eye?"

And after you said this, his gaze slowly moved up to your pretty face. Yet he remained silent, for his words stuck firmly in his throat. You looked at him closely. He had not aged in the last five years. You were still young, just in your early thirties, and yet it seems as if decades had passed.

"Do you think you broke my heart?"

It needed to be said. You've been carrying this with you all these years now. Javier had hurt you deeply, but you had forgiven him. You were ready to make peace, and now that he was standing in front of you, all you wanted to do was lie in his arms. But at the moment it felt like you two were complete strangers.

"Yes, Javier… You did. You hurt me a lot when you stood by Dutch and Micah…"

"It's better if I go, Y/N. I'm sorry…"

Javier had only wanted the best for his family at the time, but had been taken advantage of like a puppet. Dutch had blinded him and that he had listened to it, well, he just had to live with the consequences now.

But you didn't even think about letting him go! What was that about? He was just going to leave? Just like that?! Didn't he have anything else to say? Immediately you grabbed his arm, whereupon Javier also stopped. It didn't look like you had to make an effort to keep him with you. A good sign. At least, that's what you hoped.

"It won't help you if you run away, Javier. You won't undo anything by doing that!"

Besides, you had just found him again.

Javier saw your tears and at that moment his eyes softened. It hurt so much to see you. He had no words to say! It seemed easier for him to leave and go on living his life as he was used to.

"Y/N, I've made a terrible mistake…"

That was what you were hoping to hear. Not because you wanted to claim your right, but because you had hoped he had made his peace with you.

"There is no hope for me. No forgiveness, Y/N."

"Oh, Javier… don't say that. We all made mistakes…"

His skin tingled pleasantly as you placed your delicate hand against his cheek. Lovingly, you stroked your thumb over his skin as you sought the look in his eyes. The scent of spicy lavender rose to your nose, mixed with tobacco and you had to smile, because you associate this scent with many, beautiful memories; but also bittersweet moments…

"Please… Javier, look at me…"

And he looked at you, his eyes reflecting the restlessness and guilt in his soul.

"I don't know where your paths have led you, Javier. But I can see that you have regretted the decision you made back then."

Javier sighed softly, unable to answer anything, but his eyes held your gaze and by God he was glad you didn't loathe him.

"I live in Strawberry, Javier. When…when you're ready for it one day, come and see me. I'll be waiting for you there."

His eyes immediately moved to your hand to see if you were wearing a wedding ring. His relief was great, because he couldn't see anything.

You tell him exactly where you live and to what address he should send letters to contact you. Hoping that he would do so.

When the signal sounded for the train's departure, you were jolted out of your trance.

"This is my train, Javier. I have to go now…"

"Okay…"

That was all he said in response. He held back a lot, because he would have loved to pull you tightly into his arms, not to let you go again. But he didn't. And part of you hoped he wouldn't let you go. Still, maybe that was too much to ask of you.

"Will you walk me to the train, Javi?"

Javi… that's what you had always called him, and this was the first time in years that you saw him smile. It was a small, dainty smile, but it was there. Javier led you to the platform, his hand was on your lower back and your body was tingling like crazy. This little touch, this little gesture, excited you deeply. It was still the man you desired, the man you loved.

"You should… get in. It's about to leave…"

"I know, Javi…"

But you would have preferred to stay with him. Your hope now was that he would seek you out…

[teatitty]

You know if you only look at the manga canon Iruka doesn't actually have like. Any friends at all, outside of our own headcanons about Kakashi. He has Naruto, but that's more older brother-younger brother, Mizuki betrayed him and then there's Hiruzen who is.... not so much a friend as he is a pseudo-mentor figure. And then there's Kakashi, who goes out of his way to make friends all over, and is completely open to making new connections

Basically what I'm saying is: Kakashi finding out from Naruto that Iruka doesn't actually hang out with anyone and he's worried about his Not-Brother being alone and working all the time so Kakashi is like "bet I got this" and shows up at Iruka's place to bodily drag him out somewhere ignoring all his questions and protests and that's how Iruka ends up shoved into the jounin friendship circle with no idea why

[The "why" is because Kakashi knows how it feels to self-isolate and ignore your own needs and he likes Iruka and wants to help him somehow and so he casually mentions to Gai that he thinks Iruka might be lonely without Mizuki around anymore and oh nooooo would you look at that, Gai's all teary-eyed and determined to make him feel better now so of course he's gonna end up babbling to Kurenai and Asuma and anyone else in their circle and now Iruka has become the hissing stray that all the elites are trying to coax into their homes with scraps of food and really good books]

[sadvid]

being attached to camp camp is like keeping a slightly underdone cake in your room and constantly sniffing it and crying and imagining it as a beautiful wedding cake. and you draw and write better versions of it and daydream about its potential and someone comes in and says "why the fuck are you inhaling an old cake" and you cry and say IT COULD'VE BEEN SO GOOD... IT HAD THE POTENTIAL TO BE SO MUCH MORE DELICIOUS!!!!!!

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Do you think JJ (criminal Minds) would make annoyed remarks like "suck it up" to a Male Reader?

Description: JJ's mean, Hotch is protective of his youngest agent.

Warnings: JJ is a bit mean and a bit ooc, feeling low, depression hints

A/N: I wasn't sure where to take this, so I hope this is okay!

You were going through a rough patch. You were struggling with eating, sleeping, focusing. You felt like everything was just going to shit, like the world around you was burning and you were forced to just watch it burn. It started after a particularly bad case, in which young boys were being murdered. You had arrived at the scene as the victim had been killed, you had tried your best to save him, but he didn’t make it. 

Relatively new to the team and now the youngest member, you weren’t sure exactly who to talk to. You didn’t want to approach Hotch or Rossi and make it seem like you couldn’t do the job, and (if you were being honest) the idea of opening up to the other members of the team was absolutely terrifying.

The team had definitely caught on that something was bothering you, the majority of the team were looking at you concerned every five minutes. There was one, however, that was beginning to get slightly… frustrated with you (to say the least).

Naturally though, she said nothing. And when each member of the team slowly left one-by-one to get ready for ‘wheels up’ (a saying you still didn’t quite grasp), she decided to make her move.

“Just suck it up.”

You pause for a second, looking at her. “Sorry?”

“Whatever’s bothering you, just suck it up and deal with it.”

You turn your attention back down at the file in front of you, “Right.”

JJ rolls her eyes when you look back down, “You don’t need to act like a child about it. This is the real world, you need to deal with it like an adult if you’re going to be on this team.” She scoffs, “God, you actually act like a child. You’re 23, not 12. Get over it.”

And with that, she grabs her folder and leaves.

You sigh, fiddling with the corner of the file for a moment before you stand, making your way to the jet. When you get there, you just sit in your usual seat, pull out your phone and headphones (for after the extra run through of the case).

You hated this, feeling like this. Like the world was diluted, like perhaps you were just floating about, trying to stay afloat. With the additional comments from JJ, the remaining semi-decent feelings you had had before were now sucked out of you and replaced with the familiar dull feelings. Which, naturally, were followed with the thoughts that the team didn't really want you there, that they didn't think you were good enough.

You didn’t really catch the discussion, you were just happy when it was over so you could put your headphones in - you’d ask Reid for a rundown when you landed. It didn’t take long for Hotch to stand and make his way over to you.

“What’s going on?” He asks gently.

You pause your music, looking up at your boss. “Hm?”

“What’s going on?” He repeats himself, “You’ve been acting off. I just wanted to check in, see how you were doing.”

“Um… I’m fine.” You give him a small smile - that you hope is convincing.

He raises an eyebrow ever so slightly, studying you for a moment. “Want to try that again?”

“That wasn’t that convincing, huh?” You asked dryly.

“Not really.” Hotch gives a small smile.

You give a quiet sigh, “I don’t know. I just feel off.” You fiddle with your sleeve for a second, trying to figure out how to continue. “You know the, er, you know the Daniels case?”

“Yeah.”

“It, er, it’s just stuck with me.” You said, “I just… yeah.”

Hotch watches you carefully. “You need to talk to someone about it, it doesn’t matter who, it can be me, Rossi, anyone on the team, family, or a friend. But you need to speak about it, to let yourself process it.” He pauses for a second, “And I know it’s hard, but you need to try and let it go, you need to try and move on.”

“I can still do the job.”

“I know. We all have cases that stick with us.”

“Even you and Rossi?” 

Hotch can’t help but smile slightly, “Yes, even me and Rossi.” He studies you once again to see if that was everything that was bothering you. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

You swallow slightly, “It doesn’t matter, really.”

“No, it clearly does if it’s bothering you.” 

“I don’t, I don’t want to sound petty.” 

“(Y/N), if something is bothering you, no matter what it is, you can tell me.”

“I just… before we boarded, in the briefing room, JJ…”

Hotch frowns, studying you for a moment, “JJ…?”

“Told me to suck it up.” You say gently, “She doesn’t know why I’m feeling crap- sorry, er, iffy- but it just made me feel more… iffy.” 

Hotch held back an amused smile when you corrected the cursing, “She told you to suck it up?”

“Yes sir.”

He sighs, “You don’t ever have to hide how you’re feeling, not on this team.” He says, adding gently, “You may be the youngest member, but that doesn’t mean any of us don’t think you can’t do the job. And it certainly doesn’t mean that we find you annoying, or think you don’t belong on this team.”

You give a slight nod, your chest feeling slightly lighter. “Thank you, sir.”

“And, if you’re okay with it, I’d like to have a discussion with JJ about this later.” 

You feel your eyes widen, “Sir, that’s really not necessary-”

“Yes, it is. If she said those things to you.” A beat of silence passes, “And my guess is she said something else as well.”

“Hotch-”

“(Y/N).”

“It’s fine.”

He sighs, “Fine. But if anything else is said, I want to know, okay?”

“Okay.” He nods, seemingly pleased with that outcome.

"And I'll be keeping an eye on you, alright? And not because I don't think your capable - but because of the round table discussion and how you're feeling."

You rolled your eyes with the tiniest smile. Maybe your brain was wrong, maybe the team did think you were good enough, that they did want you there.

[floorpancakes]

[nathaniel-underwood-is-an-intj]

Post Ptolemy's Gate ramble

So I just finished Ptolemy's Gate, thoughts are a bit all over the place and aside from mentioning the obvious I thought I'd dump some thoughts here.

Piper's apathy certainly shocked me. I know she's stressed running the council and she's got loads of organisation to do but oof she sure did come across as cold in her conversation with Kitty. Kitty has that kind of apathetic resignation of grief but it really felt like Piper had already put it behind her despite it only being two days before. Her boss that she worked for died horribly to save them all and she didn't even seem to share a quiet moment of grief with Kitty idk it just felt a little brutal 😅 I had an impression of her being really sweet so I was a bit taken aback.

One thing that really stood out to me was Nathaniel's apathy to the situation, I found it really interesting. I guess something could be said about it being the magician in him.

Nathaniel really has this duality to him, the obvious being Nat vs John Mandrake and of course Nat + Bartimaeus but in chapter 36 part ii something that caught my attention

'it was the feeling of consummate superiority, the delight of power weilded without peril. He danced beneath the night sky, smiting down his enemies.'

It already seems as if he's being elevated to something other- a martyr perhaps, except martyrs have causes and ideals, they do something because they have a strong belief in their justness. And Nathaniel:

'He felt aloof disconnected and alone. If his hatred for demons he had killed was dull and almost matter-of-fact, so was his sympathy for the people whose lives he saved.'

So he seems almost like an avenging angel, I love the religious imagery, especially because it seems to call back to Bartimaeus comparing his body to a holy mosque. But also divine rage is the driving force for an avenging angel and he's no longer even angry at the destruction caused.

'Pride spurred him on.' this almost makes him seem God-like?? His sole motivator is the pride of a deity, and I love that. But it's also just very true to him as a boy, pride spurred him on against Lovelace and against Duval and Whitwell.

When he's alone with Bartimaeus he's taken on this air of not being entirely human. He feels alone and solitary from everything including humaity. But when he rejoins Kitty, Piper and the rest of the magicians waiting for him he's reinvigorated - 'he felt a surge of joyful impatience - 'he would detroy Nouda, rescue the commoners and return to Kitty.' it seems as though he has to be surrounded by people to remind himself he's one of them. It could be seen as an effect of sharing a mind with Bartimaeus, but of course it could be Nathaniel's own human pride and his memories of being othered even as a child. Just gives the impression of this human / higher entity duality.

But also I partly got the impression that this hints to depression- I'm sure it's hardly out of the realm of possibility for Nat to have it. Though it's never stated I think several moments in the books make a good argument for it, including the above- just the numbness to everything. And I guess the sudden change in demeanor at 'surge of joyful impatience' can be read as hopefulness, but it reminded me of the saying that when people have decided to follow through on their s*icidal ideation they come across as happy and like a weight has been lifted from them. Nathaniel is impressively calm for someone who realises he's gravely injured. And while he can be seen as a martyr or hero for his final actions, the hollowness he felt at that moment gives it a more bitter edge.

I think it's made even more sad when compared to Anthony Lockwood, who has that same sense of pride - because he's trying to make his dead parents proud and because he's trying to hide the fact that he doesn't like himself very much. Nathaniel gives this same impression. And Lockwood at the end had reason to be proud, he uncovered a huge conspiracy, his agency became the most famous in London. And Nathaniel had reason to be proud; he's managing to wield the staff of his childhood hero, something he had dreamed of doing, he's had the bravery to unite with a spirit and he's going to take down the biggest threat to London.

But Lockwood gets something Nathaniel doesn't-

There's this subtle idea seen through Lucy's eyes that Lockwood's biggest achievement was fighting through his s*icidal ideation and discovering he has something to live for, even just seeing his friends again.

And Nathaniel just doesn't get that moment.

He sort of acknowledges that he doesn't have to be a powerful leader, that he doesn't need his colleagues approval, that he doesn't need to erase the fear the commoners have of him and other magicians, but without these things he doesn't know what to do with himself. He has no plan for the future, because even before he's injured the idea of a future doesn't seem to have much appeal to him. He already appears to have given up on trying to uncover who Nathaniel is, depite finally having the opportunity to. Like after everything- being beaten, the fear of his colleagues trying to harm him and burying himself in the John Mandrake persona to protect his sensitive side- he doesn't want to uncover the remnants of that boy because he's worried it'll be too difficult to put himself back together.

Or maybe he feels that he already has discovered who Nathaniel is, a deeply unhappy, hollow shell of a person, whose personality has been pulled in so many directions he no longer has a sense of self. He's been stripped back to the barest version of himself and found he doesn't even have the foundations upon which to rebuild himsef. Like discovering dry rot in your walls and you keep pulling and pulling bits of rotting wood away from the home until you've finally got it all, only to realise the house has come down around you- there's nothing left.

He doesn't get this moment where he works through his trauma, where he realises he has a support system, where he realises he's loved. I don't know if Nathaniel ever really knew what it felt like to be loved. I don't think he did. Ptolemy's death was awful and heartbreaking but his short life was filled with affection. And Lockwood realises people do care about him, depite being told that no one does. It hurts so much that Nat felt isolated and alone his whole life, right up to the last minute. Potential love confessions aside, Nathaniel never got a chance to sit and bathe in the warmness of affection. Like Bartimaeus tells him, it's about 'being not doing.' Nathaniel never got to understand the importance of just being, of simply existing as himself or of being happy. He constantly had to be working on the next goal, the next plan, because if he stops working he'll be forced to sit with his thoughts and realise how unhappy he is. And the thought of that is just too much to bear, it's so much easier to give in.

The ending gave the impression of being very romantic, while sad. Nathaniel gets to be remembered as a hero and never has to confront the consequences of his actions with wars in Europe and America that he had a direct role in. Acknowledging his role and dealing with fallout are two very different mountains to climb. And I think that idea of dying like a hero perfectly appeals to Nathaniel's prideful tendencies, and maybe he views it that way to hide the fact it's a convenient way out of his unhappiness and confronting what he's done. It's quite interesting to see that after he's been stripped back to nothing and can't figure out who or what he wants to be if he gets the chance, he still has that vanity and arrogance to him- despite not really being good character traits, they're so authentically Nathaniel, he's been that way right from the start and it's nice little peak of the real him at the end, being so humanly flawed.

[chickenkurage]

Kyu-Kurarin (Creator Stickman AU)

"I keep staring at that, annoying ticking clock face"

"I can't find myself a reason to get out of bed"

We just can't help but find how this song perfectly fits CSAlanBecker so much.....

Here is the song that we took inspiration from!!

And here is the meaning of the song:

And here is Spongey realizing the meaning of the song and JMLilac having fun with it.....

Translation:

Sponge: The meaning of the song, i remember! ("UNG MEANING NG SONG, ALAM KO NA I REMEMBER")

JMLilac: Like broo, it just appeared earlier! ("LIKE BROO DUMAAN LANG SIYA KANINA")

[averysmolbear]

CW: The reader isn’t explicitly said to be female but it’s implied. While it’s going to be a general ship fic, it’s still heavily selfship coded. Also be warned that it isn’t explicitly stated that the reader is dealing with the aftermath of a depressive episode but it’s heavily implied. This hasn’t been proofread and it’s completely self indulgent. There are a couple of pet names in this as well. It’s all fluffy-ish comfort here though!

Divider by @/saradika

You squint against the light that suddenly floods your bedroom and mentally curse yourself for giving your boyfriend a key to your apartment. He doesn’t say anything at first but he does sit on the edge of your bed and gently pulls back the comforter that you have pulled up to your chin.

His smile is like warmth and sunshine. You can’t help but feel the corners of your mouth tug upward in the faintest hint of a smile in return. He doesn’t comment on the dirty dishes on your floor and nightstand or the dirty laundry on your floor by your closet. Instead he gently brushes some hair out of your face before softly speaking to you.

“Hey, baby. Think you can get out of bed for me today?”

You know your voice will crack if you try to speak so you just nod, your eyes finally adjusted to the light in the room. You don’t know what time it is but you assume it’s sometime in the morning.

He stands up and offers you his hand as you carefully climb out of bed. “How about a shower? I know I always feel a little better after a long, hot shower.”

After you nod again, your boyfriend smiles and leads you to the bedroom. When you make it clear that you can do this on your own, he leans against the counter and waits as you undress and turn on the water to get it to your preferred temperature. He has your phone in hand and you realize that you never saw him grab it from your nightstand. He smiles and shrugs, finding a playlist of soft and soothing music.

“Yell if you need me, okay?” He walks over and presses a kiss on the top of your head as you nod.

He closes the door behind himself, doing his best to listen for you in case you need him. He strips your bed, taking the dirty sheets and comforter to the small laundry room in your apartment. He starts the washer and finds the extra set of sheets and the extra blanket in your linen closet.

In no time at all, he has your bed dressed again. He picks up your laundry, tossing it in the basket that sits by your closet door. Then he gathers up the dirty dishes to place them in the sink. He can still hear the water running in the bathroom as you shower so he finishes picking up your bedroom as he waits for you.

When you walk in, a towel wrapped around yourself, he turns around and smiles softly. “Feeling any better?”

You nod and you’re surprised when he leaves your room to let you get dressed. You find your boyfriend in the kitchen after you dress in your comfiest pajamas. He’s already digging out everything he’ll need to make you your favorite comfort meal. Quietly, you slip next to him and start to help prepare the ingredients in comfortable silence.

Once the food is done, he grabs your plate and his, carrying them into the living room. You follow with two cups in hand as well. Without having to say a word, you settle in next to each other on the couch. He hands you the remote, letting you pick out what to watch.

“If you’re feeling up to it, I want to take you out tomorrow.” He smiles when he sees your face light up. He knows that you get like this sometimes but that doesn’t change how happy it makes him to see you happy again. “Maybe we can go see that movie you’ve been wanting to see. It’s out now, right?”

“Are you sure?” You know that he was less than enthusiastic about the movie when you saw the first trailer and you don’t want to force him to see it with you but when you see him smile and nod, you know he’s not just doing this for you. “Okay.”

The two of you settle in to watch your favorite movie. You’re grateful that he always seems to know what to say and do when you’re not at your best. That quiet comfort of just being near him making it seem like everything will be alright.

[coffinsister]

Man it's so sad whenever people say things like "I wanna play TCOAAL but I don't want anybody to know I bought it" like really? You are gonna deprive yourself of joy just because somebody else could be judgy? That's terrible

[saphushia]

DEUCE TRIED TO BEAT ACE WITH A LARGE STICK WHEN THEY MET????????????????

oh my god i get to tell you this i'm so happy. this is going to get long because i just. adore how fucking cringefail deuce is at the start of the novel. the manga is great but it's so important to me how badly this man can fuck up within 10 minutes of meeting a stranger. his ass does NOT know how to keep his foot out of his mouth

going behind a read more bc long and spoiler filled (specifically heavy spoilers (essentially an abridged play-by-play of the first chapter) for Ace's Story book 1 and a little bit of the first chapter of the Episode A manga adaption)

if you don't want spoilers but are curious uhhhh basically deuce got a lil hangry ^-^ thats all ^-^

so, in the manga adaption, deuce pretty immediately warms up to ace, yeah?

yeah. deuce is pretty fuckin easy in the manga. meanwhile, in the novel, when ace immediately asks for help...

(if it's unclear, all first person is referring to deuce, the book is written from his POV)

in fact, deuce manages to fail basically every speech check in the first conversation they have together. i'm not kidding look at how fucking bad he is at this.

my man falls ass first into a rant to a guy he just met and manages to find himself saying 'wow why don't you go cry to your mom and leave me alone to be depressed' to a man who's mom literally died in childbirth. less than 5 minutes after meeting the guy. and the best part? HE KEEPS GOING.

he's gotta stop there, right? surely? surely even a man who's been stranded on an island alone for 3 days can tell when he's got his foot so wedged in his mouth he's practically deepthroating it? NOPE!

at this point, you'd think there's literally nothing worse that he can say. you would be so, so wrong.

MY MAN. MY GUY. i want to hammer in the fact that deuce managed to fuck up a conversation this badly with a man he's literally never met within like, 15 minutes at most. deuce then proceeds to recover from this utter failure at conversation by just. walking away into the woods and proceeding to continue slowly starving to death for several days whilst avoiding ace. he also eats ants on at least one occasion. this isn't really relevant to the hitting ace with a stick thing but it's important to me that you know that. he also despite all of this has this gayass moment

again, not relevant, but important to me that you know he saw ace failing to sail on the worst raft you've ever seen and still called him 'dashing'. now, at this point, deuce has been without food and with only minimal water for days- probably close to a week, though it's a bit ambiguous. and my guy, brilliantly, thinks to himself 'well. ace doesn't look like he's starving to death. what if he has food?' and sneaks behind ace, following him until he sees ace with a huge fruit (the mera mera no mi).

all of this... deuce sneaking up on ace planning to fight him for the fruit, kill him if he needs to, because he's the son of roger... and you know what ace fucking does??? you wanna know what this giant depressed puppy of a man fucking says to a guy who was abt to bash his brains out??

"nice stick!" and deuce just fucking. starts sobbing on the spot out of guilt while they argue both trying to get the other to eat the fruit. they are. so stupid and i love them so much.

so yeah. deuce's first ever interaction with ace is loudly announcing that he'd want to kill himself if he was the son of roger, and his SECOND interaction is him attempting to kill ace with a stick because he's hangry. i love him so much he's so fucking shit.

tldr you're not you when you're hungry and also you should all read the ace novels. because of this and also because ace and deuce get cockblocked on a gay ferris wheel ride by a marine just deciding to jump in the gondola with them and sit there menacingly until ace breaks the door and just jumps out to escape her monologuing abt her traumatic backstory

[hella1975]

chapter 7: it’s a long way to ba sing se (part 2) is up now!

[the-spooky-children]

Can't stop thinking about unhealthy co-dependent teen!fireskulls..

[mystmesstolemysoul]

Tell me why I'm supposed to be doing Zens route (and kinda succeeding?) but when he calls or texts me I'm like 'meh' but when I get even a snippet of attention from 707 I literally look like this

[ardenrosegarden]

[saltytearsofjoy]

feeling like tomura in MVA. on the verge of mis interpreting my own identity to a dangerous extent. silly

[ikamigami]

I have such a bad feeling that Sun's going to die on July 16th, it just has that vibe, and/or he learns Dazzle's secret and then dies

Yeah.. I think the same, dear anon..

I have a feeling that Sun will willingly die.. idk what will happen though..