#his heart's desire

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[my-fool]

I dont get people who write a Wyll that gets nervous and an Astarion who doesn't. Wyll gets tortured in front of the group and still doesn't miss a beat, aside from if you let his father die, I think there's only one or two lines where his dialogue strays from "affable/charming". Good luck trying to get through that shell, lol. Meanwhile Astarion has dozens of shrill, nervous, panicked dialogue lines. Astarion is a character who is influenced strongly by player choice and never goes it alone whereas Wyll leaves the camp if you fuck him around too much.

I feel like if you make Astarion cool and suave you are falling for the façade that is supposed to be deconstructed by the viewer and if you make Wyll fumbling, naïve and nervous you are forgetting that this man has been locked in a 24/7 one-on-one psycho-sexual mental battle with a billion-year-old demon from the 9th circle of Hell for the entirety of his adult life at this point, so. Jot that down.

[bungobble-my-balls]

OK correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the main 'yin/yang' parallel with Atsushi and Akutagawa is not something like 'this one is bad but secretly has a good side and this one is good but secretly has a bad side'.

I feel like it's more about 'who they are at their core vs who they choose to be'.

At his core Akutagawa is kind and at his core Atsushi is not. But despite this Atsushi tries every day to make the kinder choices and I love him so much for it. He has to work so hard to be good.

He wants to be a bitch SO bad I know he does but he tries his best to help people and be nice (sometimes he fails but that's OK <3)

Atsushi doesn't always WANT to help people, a lot of the time he's selfish and scared, but he does help people anyway. He keeps helping people over and over again. There's still some selfish motivation to it, and his initial motivation for helping people was because the headmaster told him that's all he was worth, but overall he does care about the people he helps and it weighs on him if he fails to save them. And of course, as the series goes on he starts helping people more because he can rather than because he feels like he needs to.

In Akutagawa's case, he's still capable of being kind but his environment led him into being someone who chooses to hurt people. But he's always been a protector at heart. In the start he was bad compared to Atsushi because he was choosing to hurt people and keep the cycle of abuse going. Just like how Atsushi developed in why he saved people, Akutagawa starts to get redeemed when he chooses to not just act on his rage. Not only does he start to spare people, but he speaks more kindly to them (apologising to Higuchi and telling Kyouka he's proud of her). It all culminates into the moment he chooses to help Atsushi and sacrifice himself for him, going back to his core value of being a protector. Even when he's finally revived, he keeps this role in his new position as Aya's Knight.

I kind of see the streaks of white in Akutagawa and the streaks of black in Atsushi not as their 'hidden sides' but as their fundamental selfs. That's who they are at their core, and their main colours (black for Akutagawa and white for Atsushi) are how they're presented to everyone else and how they try to have people see them as.

[epiphainie]

when you're in a biggest bucktommyist competition but your opponent is kenneth choi

[its-ate-oclock-somewhere]

Futamono Flower Meaning

So you're telling me that the very night after Will whore Graham sent someone to murder Hannibal simp Lecter, the man created this?!

[rosalinesurvived]

Yeah girl you are so *Dazai isn’t unemotional he’s never been unemotional he latches onto everyone and everything and clings so fucking hard he leaves claw marks on everything he lets go of; he leaves Chuuya and the Mafia for Oda and then gets thoroughly addicted to Kunikida who resembles them both so much, he ‘trains’ and ‘raises’ Akutagawa for survival in the Port Mafia and screws up so badly he obsesses over Atsushi to try and make up for it, Ango was his best friend and Dazai fucks him over just so he can hold onto him yet still leaves claw marks in Ango’s side, he is every age he has ever been and ever will be and what’s awful is that sometimes his love is too similar to his hate* haha lmao wanna fuck nasty?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Flagrant Favourism.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[wasyago]

quick "chip" sketch from ep 109

[cephalopodish]

it takes some uncles

[vampykween]

i would be such a good little housewife to price doing all the little chores, baking lots of yummy treats, and letting him fuck whenever, wherever - letting him fill me up and give him lots of chubby babies

[gojoest]

satoru’s level of cruelty towards curses he gets to exorcise during the day, i think, depends on whether he got to fuck you that morning or not

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bernard is the one who handles the spiders. Tim can handle many things, but spiders is not one of them

He can’t handle them *well.*

He, of course, protests this statement. C4 and swords stolen from his brother are perfectly acceptable solutions, Bernard

[columboscreens]

I dont know how to explain this but columbo seems like he eats a lot of those root beer hard candies

i know exactly how to explain it. columbo loves his sodie pop

[andromeda-vita]

okaayyyy first on the list of designnsssss,,, rayman !! yeah incredible , ik ik just. stay with me here

a brief rundown of it is taking that whole "guardian of this world" concept, and being an embodiment of dreams, bravery and light.. then making it into a silly forest spirit,,

some inspos are sky children of the light, over the garden wall, adventure time, and zelda . again , weird mix , i knowwww . but!!!

i would need an entire doc to list all the things i've written on him thus far but i'd love asks/questions (and perhaps suggestions!)

im gonna be real here... most of the changes have to be the fact he has a cape and, messy hair, with flowers/leaves caught in it (ever heard of a brush???)

[quakiebaka]

I love that no matter if you ship dragonfruit, spicynoodles or chimera, we can all agree

red son is the one to get overly flustered and fall the hardest for the other(s)

[power-and-glory]