#holiday nonsense

[bihansthot]

My father and my mother in law’s partner built a fire in the fireplace today and burned the homeowner’s flooring samples as kindling 😭😭😭 is Christmas over yet?! 🤣 I need some icy cock stat.

*thinks sexy Bi-Han thoughts, thinks sexy Bi-Han thoughts*

For real though that’s what getting me through this holiday extravaganza. Thoughts of my adorable polycule, my Mother hasn’t said a word to me about being fat like she promised she wouldn’t but has literally commented about every single celebrity that is or isn’t overweight. She must have brought up keto gummies 50 times because Kelly Clarkson supposedly took them and slimmed down a ton. Like I get it, I get the hint but fuck you I’m happy with my huge tids and ass. I’m fucking gorgeous. None of my partners tell me to slim down, Bi-Han loves my huge tids, Syzoth my ass and Sareena every bit of me. That’s the important thing and even in the real world my partner and the guy I’m dating love it! So I’m not a skeleton like my Mother is, I’m a G cup she’s an A like we’re built totally differently!

Can I get some love from my thicc lovelies? BODY POSITIVITY

[cosmicgesture]

I have never spent a Christmas away from my relatives even tho I moved out some 5 years ago. Due to budget issues, though, I can't afford to pay for both the trip down and to pay rent, not to mention my other bills. Dont think I'm too happy bout that, regardless of how the guardian figures are

[krsyue]

big day for annoying people

[heartorbit]

i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you

[chekensheppppp]

It's September 9 here but whatever, happy anniversary to the sans-reigen tumblr sexyman showdown that led to the death of the queen of England. Truly one of the incidents of all time.

[napping-sapphic]

It’s a simple transaction: you hold my hand and I repay you by blushing a lot and hiding idk what else there is to explain

[rooksunday]

thire gets the idea after watching a group on the senate rotunda during another long shift. he brings it to fox when fox is too tired to find a reason to say no. uggggh leave me to perish is basically an enthusiastic yes, in fox speak.

thire’s next stop is thorn.

“‘guided tours’?” thorn repeats, like the words are the name of a virulent strain of space flu. “tours of what? you know commander fox won’t have natborns in the barracks. he barely lets vode in.”

thire waved his hands dismissively. “not here. the city. the upper levels. the mids and the quarters.”

“but we don’t know anything about those places. what are you going to tell them? ‘here is where a senator threw their coffee on me.’ ‘one time i petted a tooka down this street.’”

that thorn was simply refusing to see the genius of thire’s plan was an affront. thire perched on the edge of thorn’s desk and folded his arms across his chest. he kicked thorn gently on his shin guard.

“the natties are visiting for the day, thorn. maybe a few days. but that’s all. they don’t know anything about coruscant! they’re kriffin’ coruscant shinies.” thire tilted his bucket in a grin. “you know shinies pretty much believe anything we tell ‘em. just gotta say it right.”

thire had been promoted to commander because he had the commander voice locked cold.

thorn spun his seat from one side to the other slightly as he thought. he hummed under his breath.

“we could offer one tour a day, in shiny armour. meet a group, walk them around for an hour taking osik, what are they gonna know different?” thire added, not quite wheedling.

“and you’ll be charging for this?” thorn asked.

“of course.”

thorn stopped spinning. he nodded once and held out his hand. “let me look at the rates.”

thire gestured broadly to the statue of the torgruta behind him. “and this is the original founded of bolo-ball. she was banned from playing on three worlds after dirty tackles—very gory, don’t let your kids see—and that’s why all torgruta have to wear padding on their montrals. now if you’ll follow me to—“

“excuse me—“

“—just this way, mind the speeder—“

“excuse me that’s not right—“

thire glanced at the droid following him, who had been earwigging during his tour. he gestured for his group to go ahead and waited for the droid to catch up.

“you don’t pay, you don’t get to comment,” thire said flatly.

“but your facts are incorrect!” the droid protested.

thire sighed. “they’re the facts as i know ‘em., pal. got a problem, take it up with the guild.”

coruscant had a guild of tour guides. couldn’t exhale on the blasted planet without someone charging.

“i am with the guild!” the droid said. “i’m observing your tour as part of the registration confirmation.”

kriff.

thire shifted in place. “i—“

“and for a reasonable fee of 5% net, i will gladly endorse your tour, trooper,” the droid said, proffering the pad it was holding. “coruscant rewards initiative and entrepreneurship! if you’ll sign here?”

thire grinned behind the protection of his shiny bucket. he took the pad and signed with a flourish—thank you, commander grizzer—then returned it to the droid.

“i think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship,” thire said.

[arthistoryanimalia]

For #InternationalTigerDay 🐅 on #Caturday:

“Tigerlillia Terribilis” from Edward Lear’s Nonsense Botany (1871–77)

[a-deep-ocean-of-secrets]

It's feeling like there's a lot of drama and upheaval in the bucktommy tag today, but I can't see much of it, so... I guess I must be blocking the right kind of people...? 😅

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

for anyone else out there who struggles with “mother’s day,” i’ve fixed it. it’s now “other’s day,” where we celebrate other people who are cool. for instance, today i’m celebrating the ups guy, bc his head is very square, he’s nice, & he brought my cats their treats. also thought of calling it “otters’ day,” bc otters rule. so celebrate other’s day however u want, those tone-deaf “mother’s day” commercials will be gone in about a week (thankfully🤢🤮)

[y-rhywbeth2]

I love looking between the lines of Gortash and Durge's shenanigans and it's like "trip to the eighth layer of hell - a frozen wasteland of pure evil- to rob Mephistopheles - one of the most dangerous beings in existence", and also "trip to the inhospitable, aberration filled nightmare world 10+ miles beneath the earth that often drives people insane with horror, where the air is toxic, and the place is half-way into the Shadowfell, to play diplomat with a city of squid people who want to eat our internal organs/enslave us, ruled by an omnipotent being that can crush our brains into goo without effort any second now".

These two had some ridiculous adventures. At least Ketheric doesn't need to breathe, so that might've made the Lowerdark trip easier.

[ellies-enrichment]

goodnight

[leonsliga]

Leon getting the f*** away from this country before the euros start 🫶🏻 love that for him

We fleeing the country with this one 💯😤😎

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Ah, Major Winchester, the party of one! Dinner is served.

[friendrat]

Welcome to the season of Christians affirming their Christianity by refusing to celebrate Christian holidays.

[good-beanswrites]

haii bean !!! I wanted to bully kotoko request some funnies and sillies :) could you please write a drabble with amane and yuno (and anyone else) annoying kotoko . i feel like amane and yuno would go :3 and kotoko would go >:T… ofc feel free to ignore/dlt this :3

LOL of course! I'm sad I've become the Milgram Bully but I'm glad to give the boys a little break 😂 Thank you so much for the request, it was really fun getting back into the swing of writing with this! (also wooooo it's getting me so hyped for Deep Cover!!) Out of everyone, those two could definitely get away with :3-ing Kotoko to no end...

“Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-sev--”

“Hey, Kotoko?”

“Thirty-se, er, thirty-eight...”

“Kotoko?”

“Thirty- uh…”

“Hey, hey, Kotoko?”

She rolled onto her back, having lost count of her pushups. “Yuno.” Her voice was even between heavy breaths. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Actually, I can see you need a break, and I’m happy to provide one!”

With a grunt, Kotoko sat up to face her. Yuno smiled down, her eyes sparkling with... something. Amane stood nearby, looking just as suspiciously sweet.

“What do you two need…?”

“We’re here to join you,” Amane said. “We wish to work out.”

“Oh? You’ve never been interested in exercise before.”

“Well, you yourself have motivated us to get stronger.”

“I’m pretty sure you just got bored…”

“Of course not! We’re committed!”

Kotoko studied them with a harsh look. They smiled innocently back. She narrowed her eyes. They widened theirs in anticipation. She leaned back. They leaned forward.

Yuno clasped her hands together. “Come ooon~ It’ll be fun having workout buddies! I’m a very hard worker, and you’ve seen how well-behaved Amane is. How bad could it be?”

Very, apparently.

She started with some stretches to get them warmed up. It was impossible to get them to focus, or hit the right positions, or stop giggling. Kotoko tried to tell them about breath control, but they seemed more excited to chatter on about everything under the sun. 

“I’ve always thought of stretching like this and being a famous dancer,” Yuno said. “Like a ballerina…” She did a little set of twirls. Kotoko tried to tell her not to do anything to crazy before they’d warmed up, but she just kept on spinning.

Amane’s eyes lit up. “I’ve always wanted to be in a marching band. They’re like dancers, a little bit!”

“Ooh, you’re right! I could never be so uniform, though, I want to do my own thing… like an idol or something!” Yuno did another set of moves. No one was following Kotoko’s perfectly timed toe touches anymore. 

“I guess we can get started…”

There was just as much dancing when they began jumping jacks, despite the fact that there were only two very clear positions to hit. Yuno wanted to do sets that traveled around the room, then ones that turned rapidly around in a circle, then ones that turned really rapidly in a circle. She and Amane made themselves dizzy with it. 

Kotoko decided a good, grounded activity would serve them better. They took turns holding each others’ feet and counting situps. Yuno got distracted easily, delving into nonstop conversation whether she should have been counting, watching, or doing the situps herself. She’d use her hands to talk, letting go of whoever she was meant to stabilize. Amane, on the other hand was practically a drill sergeant the way she tried to keep the others on pace. 

“Eight! Nine! Ten!”

“Amane, I think you’re supposed to count when I sit up, not force me to keep up with you…”

“Well don’t be so slow about it, and you’ll stay in time. Let’s go! Eleven! Twelve!”

“Ack!”

Kotoko rubbed her temples. Maybe adding some equipment could keep them busy? 

Jumping rope brought new struggles. Yuno spend ten minutes trying to recall a schoolyard rhyme to jump rope to, and teach it to Amane. They both encouraged Kotoko to join in, but she was jumping at a faster rhythm. That became impossible as their chanting filled the room. Moreover, none of them could stay in their own space. There were about five rope tangles before Kotoko decided to call a break.

(She didn’t exactly know what they needed a break from, they’d hardly done anything.) The girls seemed happy to sit down and chat, though. Kotoko reluctantly passed her protein shake over as they asked to try it. “One sip…”

She covered her mouth, deep in contemplation. Maybe these exercises were too easy. It was too easy to get distracted out here in the common area. They’d be forced to buckle down and focus on something more taxing, right?

She jabbed a thumb over her shoulder. “After this we’ll head over to my cell, okay? I have a bar installed for pull-ups. It’s tricky, but you have to start somewhere.”

“Hmmmm…” Yuno tapped a finger to her chin. “I’m not sure about that. You know… I think you were right. I think we were just bored. Well!” She clapped her hands together. “I guess we’ll stop bothering you now. Bye!” 

Amane joined her for a curt bow. “Thank you for your time.” 

Kotoko blinked after them. “Er, but…!”

Just like that, they were gone.

She released a long breath. She picked up her shake. It was empty.