#holy crap sir!

[russellius]

george x tommy hilfiger

[amxrany]

The way I stopped breathing for a moment when I opened twitter

HE'S SO *gets shot*

[link-sans-specs]

😵😵😵

Mythical IG Story

[rohirric-hunter]

Ruvaran, setting up to majorly tick off a group of people with next to no beef with Angmar for no reason, completely ignoring all the people who have huge amounts of beef with Angmar who aren't anywhere near this mountain: Yeah this is a good plan

[antvnger]

Word to the wise, never start with 3 of anything you've never had before... I'm about halfway through my shift and regretting ordering a mocha with 3 espresso shots this morning. I felt high for like an hour and now I feel sick and overheated and I'm gonna crash before work ends I just know it. I might need a nap... I definitely need water...

Sir Anon

3 espresso shots, huh? Holy crap…and you’ve never had one espresso shot before? Holy fricking crap, Sir Anon! No wonder you feel so out of it.

Yeah, definitely drink water, lots of water, to help flush it out of your system. Did you drive yourself to work? Do you think you’ll be able to drive yourself back safely?

Geez, Sir Anon, I’m betting this is one of the worst shifts ever, huh? I’m sorry. Drink lots of water when you can. And hopefully you can rest soon. Good luck.

[greenfiredragonfly]

every day I log onto tumblr.com and see some absolutely batshit takes about good omens

[thebestorworstofit]

[delusional-mushroom]

Platonic Hazbin Hotel x Autism creature reader ii

Apparently you all like this? Sorry about the long wait, school’s been kicking my ass lately.

Anyway, here’s part 2, Bon appétit

Part i | Part ii

You fell.

It hurt. It hurt a lot.

All you remember was waking up to Speckle slithering on your face and- HOLY CRAP YOUR WING SHOULD NOT BEND LIKE THAT

After about 10 minutes of wallowing in your pain, you slowly got up.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

You took a moment to take in the situation. Your clothes, as well as the ground beneath you, we’re stained in gold. It was hard to miss the golden blood trailing behind you too.

There was also a crater in the ground where you fell.

You see the Hazbin hotel in the distance and with the obvious attitude of “What could go wrong?” You sauntered towards the looming building

Speckle took over sight duty on the way tho. The Bright sign posts and the occasional dumpster fires rubbing salt on the metaphorical wound of your approaching melt down.

When you finally got there, you uncovered your eyes and stood outside for a few minutes before finally gathering up the courage to knock on the door.

Luckily for you, it’s Charlie who opens the door.

You exchange awkward greetings, Charlie beating around the bush of asking you the casual question of you know, why the fuck you’re in hell?

After a few seconds of staring at each other, you nervously fiddle with your thumbs

“So Uhm, I uh, fell, I guess.”

After the initial shock, concern, and confusion, Charlie welcomed you with open arms

At first, the hotel residents didn’t know what to make of you

Vaggie was pretty neutral with you, you seemed alright enough in heaven and if you weren’t gonna make a fuss neither would she.

That is, until she found you making yourself a cup of cocoa at two in the morning.

“Had a nightmare,” you mumbled when she questioned you, hand stretched towards you as if she held her spear to you throat. Did she sleep with the thing? Who knows.

She dropped her arm and took in your disheveled appearance. That seemed to check out. It seemed tonight wasn’t good for you either. “What about you?” She heard you ask drowsily.

“Nightmare.” She said. It was cold and blunt as she turned on the kettle and carelessly threw a teabag inside of a mug. ‘Best girlfriend ever’ it read in black. A gift from charlie, she smiled at the thought.

“Wanna talk about it?” You tested. This situation was more awkward than you wanted to deal with. At least the noise of the kettle in the background filled up the silence.

Vaggie turned to you, the ghost of a smile lingering on her face. Maybe tonight wasn’t so bad.

And since then you and her talked about what was bothering you. Or not. Sometimes you just sit next to each other, a cup of cocoa in both of your hands and enjoy each other’s company.

Angel found you funny

Fat nuggets 🤝 you.

Whenever Angel has to go to the studio, he leaves Fat Nuggets with you.

Whether its for you to watch the pig, or the pig to watch you, well… thats up to you.

He probably won’t open up to you about Valentino

But if he does, the stupid bald moth asshole can expect a lot of passive aggressive [special interest] themed notes that come seemingly nowhere.

Sir Pentious didn’t know what to make of you at first.

To him, you were some random child that showed up one day and could go from staring into someones soul for minutes on end without blinking, to looking like you were on the brink of tears if you hands brushed against a nope texture.

Eventually though, you ask about his inventions.

Bro had a whole “your asking about my theories? I’ve waited years for someone to ask me about my theories!” Moment.

(If you get that reference I love you)

You become hyper-fixation buddies.

You and Nifty don’t get along too well…

“YOU LEAVE THE ROACHES ALONE!” You shriek, holding two bugs high above you hear as the short little menace tries to get to them, knife brandished.

“NEVER!” She laughed back a crazed look in her eye.

…that wasn’t fun. Rest in piece Sir Bob and dame Jane.

Whenever you zone out in front of Husk, he pours a glass of apple juice and gently places it in front of you, eyeing you every now and then, a concerned look in his eyes.

Alastor finds you amusing.

He tried making a deal with you on your first day.

Now Vaggie won’t let him within a 3 meter radius of you.

When you meet Lucifer, he takes one look at you, Speckle coiled around your neck and a bottle of apple juice in your hands and just immediately goes “🫠”

He’s your father now. There’s no getting out of it. Why would even you want to tho?

Hyper-fixation buddy #2

You both rant about your special interests to each other

Be prepared to be bombarded with rubber ducks.

Meanwhile, in heaven…

Everyone: wHeRe iS tHe cHiLd?

[longhardtransitionreturns]

Mpreg birth where bunny omega’s are the lowest class in society and have high fertility rates and so are forced to be surrogates and so their only purpose is to be bred and give birth.

***

The fucking had been brutal. He remembered how he had been bred by over 100 different Alpha’s in the course of 4 weeks. The intended parents had decided to stay for each and every time he was bred.

The breeding had been successful. And now 9 months later he’s in a similar position to when he was bred. Legs strapped wide in stirrups, naked except from the green hospital sheets covering his legs. The doctor geared up in surgical gear and scrubs ignoring him whimper as he gazes intensely between his legs, stretching his red burning hole wider. 2 nurses also geared up gripping his restrained legs on either side as three sets of eyes observe his hole as it stretches wider and wider.

The room is silent besides the beep of the heart monitor and his little whimpers.

“Please sir please let me push?” the question is asked meekly, as he squirm's trying to fight the burning sensation. The nurses both look to him and he gasps as one abandons holding his legs to pin his head to table before clamping an O2 mask to his face. Virtually stopping him from making any noise at all.

Or any protest.

He feels the doctor place his large gloved palm over his crowning hole before gently slapping his cock which had been taped back, causing him to flinch.

“Don’t Push.”

The command is simple, his voice cruel and cold as it tended to be. The only thing he could do is obey him- too weak and naturally obedient to resist.

“Nurse, get me the scissors and forceps.”

He gasped as he heard those words, eyes feeling with tears as he felt the nurse holding his mask push it tighter to him, to avoid him making unnecessary noise.

The doctor had always liked the omega’s to be nice and quiet. Either being fucked or giving birth it didn't matter.

He gasped lightly as he felt the cool sharp edge of the scissors run down his hot burning hole, teasing it over his taught skin stretching with the weight of his baby’s head as it sat heavy just outside his passage.

And thenthe doctor cut.

He let out a strangled scream, obscured by his mask as he felt warm red liquid run between his legs and into his ass crack, the uncomfortable sensation barely surpassing the cut of his skin the scissor shad made.

He was ignored as the doctor immediately forced the forceps into him causing him to cry out and shudder. The nurse holding onto his leg looking interestingly between his spread legs. And the nurse holding his head and his mask looking interestingly at the scene.

He felt himself sobbing at the sensation of it all. He really just was a breeding slave. That was the purpose he served.

He barely registered the distant cries of the infant as it passed through his hole, only whimpering as his hole contracted and burned, now cold and left open as the doctors and nurses attended to the baby, scrubbing it down and wheeling it off to give to the intended parents.

The rest was silent as the doctor stitched him up- his actions callous with no affection or praise, both the nurses cleaning him up.

In the end he was still strapped wide in stirrups, completely naked, the green sheets removed from his legs as the doctor discared his gloves and made his way to wash his hands at the sink.

“Wheel him up to the breeding room again.”

The nurses obeyed as they pushed his gurney into the hallway. His broken hole on display for all to see as he was wheeled to the breeding room- listening to the sounds echo off from that room from the slap of skin to moans, whimpers and screams.

He had resigned himself to his fate.

Hope you enjoyed!!

Holy crap did I enjoy! 🤤 That was so unbelievably hot. What a gift! Thank you for writing and sharing!

[bluecollarmcandtf]

Good Boy, Mr. Officer

"What's...whaaat's happening?" the cop's previously measured words slurred as my hypnosis took effect. He had just been telling me off for tagging a government building, but I wasn't upset when he caught me with the spray paint. I was excited! "Good boy, Mr. Officer," I purr, changing the thoughts in his head, "We're becoming best friends..."

"...best...friends..." the cop repeats vacantly.

"Holy crap, dude! No way you hypnotized a cop!" one of my buddies yells as I walked down the alley.

I drag my policeman behind me like he's a little kid. "Told you I was a master hypnotist. This pig will do anything we tell him now!"

Each of my friends get closer to see the stunned officer. His eyes are kind of glazed, but otherwise he seems completely coherent and willing to be here. He's simply looking at each one of my friends with indifference, like he's cool with them if I am.

"Make him do something," one of them said, poking the stomach of my hypnotized subject.

"Do it yourself," I retort, and then turn to the cop "Mr. Officer you'll obey all these guys."

"Yes, sir," he gives me a comprehending nod.

They all gasp and excitedly chatter about what they want to make him do first. Meanwhile the policeman stands placidly in front of them, completely blank faced while they decide his fate.

"Oink!"

The cop of course begins oinking like a pig in the most lifeless of voices. Nevertheless, my friends find it absolutely hilarious. They're so entertained by the cop making a pig sound every few seconds, that it takea them awhile to stop cracking up about it.

"Let's make him rob someone for us!" my friend suddenly blurts out.

"Sounds cool," I say, playing with the pudgy rear of the cop out of my friends' view, "But first, he needs to lick my shoes clean. Go on!"

"Yes, sir."

"Damn! That idiot really will do anything we want!" they gasp as the cop dropped to his hands and knees.

He pulls off my shoes and starts meticulously cleaning them with his tongue like it's a completely normal thing to do. My friends all cringe, but I'll admit that I kind of like seeing the officer act stupid in front of us. I'm already getting more ideas for how I can make the man degrade himself in private.

"Alright, Mr. Officer," one of my buddies laughs, kicking the cop in the rear to get his attention, "Grab your gun and go steal someone's wallet. Make sure no one sees you!"

"Yes, sir," the cop pulls his tongue off my sneakers and climbs up. He calmly unholster his weapon. I watch him march out of the alleyway, intent on robbing some poor guy of his cash. All I can do was hope my hypnotized officer won't screw this up. I want to have some fun with him tonight after my friends have get bored with him.

Money is great, but entertainment is better...

[burrcapts]

Puffing Past Your Prime

Oh man, Zach just loved whenever this happened! Ever since their social media app took off and reached top 5 most downloaded in the whole country people started inviting him to spots like this all the time. Was this one some posh restaurant? Cafe? Gentleman's club? Honestly, he had no idea, he simply received an email the other day from one of their investors that the people here asked about him and would like him to become a regular member. 

Naturally Zach had zero real interest in bougie crap like that, but usually he actually found it kind of funny to see the reactions of all those stuck up old men in suits whenever they saw him strutting into their elite clubs wearing nothing other than a t-shirt and a pair of old jeans with holes in them. More than once some of those pricks even tried to have him kicked out. But the staff at establishments like this seemed to be quite good at keeping tabs on the guests’ net worth so often they ended up sucking up to him rather than the old farts.

The waiters here were giving off a somewhat different vibe though… If Zach hadn't noticed that those few men who were always on the move, carrying trays around were wearing bow ties rather than neckties, he definitely wouldn't have been able to tell them apart from the regular guests! Places like this often looked kind of samey with everyone being old and wearing boring suits, but this was like a whole next level!

Zach had only just realized, but holy crap, there hasn't been a single person in the entire room who didn't have a ridiculously huge beard! He hadn't shaved since last week so technically maybe he was included in this, but his definitely wasn't as grey or white as theirs! The shades of their beards, the levels of baldness and the colors of their suits was pretty much the only thing that differentiated each one of them!

But one other interesting thing was that they were all smoking pipes! Even the waiters were having a puff while moving around and chatting with the guests. Did Mike forget to mention that this was some super exclusive spot for pipe smokers? Whatever… honestly, the thing that Zach found the most annoying was how nobody seemed to be paying much attention to him here. He purposely tried to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, unmuting his phone and playing that dumb farming video game that was right ahead of them in most app stores. Yet even then, the best reaction he got was some of them briefly looking at him with amused faces for a moment before returning to their previous activities and conversations.

“Good day, I sincerely apologize for the delay in attending to you Mr Bennett. My name is Theodore and I am the director of hospitality at our establishment. We are so delighted that you could pay us a visit today. I assure you that our staff will do everything in our power to make your induction to the club a truly exceptional experience!”

Just when Zach was starting to consider bailing out of here those two guys appeared right in front of him seemingly out of nowhere! The one speaking in an eloquent and surprisingly resonant voice was ridiculously huge, tall as hell, with a colossal belly like pretty much all of them. While somewhat shorter yet definitely still quite decently overweight one, standing a few steps behind him must have been a subordinate of his. 

Zach began to explain that this was a misunderstanding because he had no interest whatsoever  in joining their club or anything, but despite the very hospitable and eloquent welcome neither of them seemed to be paying much attention to whatever he said as they talked between each other.

“Shall I fetch one of the pipes, Sir?”

“Oh, naturally Sebastian, forthwith!”

“What kind, Sir?”

“Mmm… I surmise that one of the sluttier variety might be the most suitable for Mr Bennett, then he will naturally feel inclined to introduce numerous new, virile members to our association so they could fuck his slutty hole on the regular. Oh… one moment… yes, while I would certainly prefer him on the heavyset side so that ass of his grows truly colossal, why don't we also make him into a bit of a cum guzzling cock whore while we’re at it? Let's ensure that he always has either the stem of a pipe or a huge, turgid fuckstick between his lips! Do you think you can find a suitable one Sebastian?”

“Certainly Sir, I will return with one promptly!”

Hearing this guy say all those perverted, ridiculous things in the exact, same cultivated and graceful Männer as if he was some kind of a sommelier talking about an expensive bottle of wine would have been quite hilarious if his body language didn't make it immediately obvious that he wasn't planning on letting Zach leave until the other waiter was back. It was only now that all those old farts who were sitting all around were finally turning their heads towards him, watching the scene with utmost fascination.

Zach shouted at them to get the security because this guy was totally crazy but nobody budged at all. Rather than being concerned they seemed to find him freaking out so much more endearing than anything. When it became clear that they were all in on it too, Zach pulled out his phone and warned that huge guy that if he didn't let him go, he would call the cops.

Only then, something that temporarily broke Zach's brain proceeded to take place. Theodore took a deep puff from his pipe and then exhaled a tiny cloud of smoke towards Zach's hand that was holding the phone. It was just small enough to completely obscure it and even though Zach knew it was merely just smoke he instinctively tried to clutch the phone tighter within his fingers, only to find them clenching into fist! What the hell?! He waved the smoke away but his hand was completely empty!!!

“What the fuck?! How did you do that?!”

“Please Mr Bennett, turning a cellphone into a puff of smoke is merely a small parlor trick. Very soon you will have a chance to witness a far more impressive metamorphosis… Oh, would you look at that, Sebastian is already approaching with your pipe right on time!”

At that moment Zach remembered thinking it was kind of strange how this guy phrased it as ‘his pipe’ but as he caught a glimpse of what the other waiter was carrying on a tray, he understood straight away. It stood there, right on top of a highly adorned, golden stand, his pipe! It was like love at first sight. He never even thought about smoking one before but now they were going to be, no, they already were, completely inseparable! Its stem was placed between his teeth first thing in the morning and only left its rightful spot when he was ready to fall asleep!

A jovial, cheerful laughter spread across the room at the immediate change in Zach's demeanor as though all those men were now recalling some very fond memory of their own. On some level he understood that what was going on right now was totally crazy, but as if under some kind of a magical spell, he couldn't help himself when Theodore offered the pipe to him. 

Even thanking the man when he offered him a lit match so he could puff the pipe to life. Which Zach proceeded to do without a slightest hitch like a seasoned smoker. That also surprised him, but there wasn't much of a chance to ask himself why he knew how to do it so expertly because as soon as it was lit, he found himself greedily sucking on the stem and moaning in blissful pleasure. 

Oh gosh, he knew that this was his first time ever, but he felt like a drug addict getting his fix. It was just delightful, such a rich flavor! Sebastian always picked out only the finest tobacco! Zach moaned again, he was in heaven, his head was swimming as he started feeling warm and so… profoundly turned on! If he hadn't been in public, he would have already been reaching for his cock, but then again, so many of the men sitting around them already had theirs out and were merrily stroking while laying back in their big, leather armchairs and puffing along.

Sebastian was pitching a huge tent in his slacks and even Theodore was fondling himself with a satisfied smile. Zach noticed that, the first thought that popped into his head was how much he hoped they would pull them out soon so he could suck them both dry the moment he was finished with this bowl. Mmm, he just loved sucking off the other sexy gents at the club, he was such a cum guzzling cock whore and absolutely proud of it! 

Zach was just about to ask them to stop teasing him and whip them out next when he suddenly realized that he'd heard those words before. ‘Cum guzzling cock whore', that's what Theodore had said when he was instructing Sebastian what pipe he should fetch! Holy shit!

Now that the shivers started running down his spine at the terrifying, unbelievable implications of all of this and the abrupt shock partially outweighed the still persisting horniness flooding his head. Zach had the chance to take notice of just how uncomfortably tight his clothes were feeling right now. He'd managed to peel his eyes away from the bearded waiters’ sizable bulges, only to immediately regret it as he discovered a massive  gut sticking out from underneath his shirt.

Not only was it extremely hirsute, but all of the body fur was completely white! It made him look like some ridiculously fat grandpa! His shirt was rolling up so much that it could be mistaken for the top half of a bikini, which seemed awfully suitable because Zach could see it stretching over a pair of absolutely enormous man boobs!

As his eyes grew wide in disbelief, he instinctively took a deep puff from the pipe to calm his nerves, only to find the belly instantaneously swelling even further in size. The shirt splitting at the front and letting his huge, chubby tits to flop down on it like on top of a wide, spacious shelf. God… he was so fucking hot! Those were the first words that appeared in Zach's head, and for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to deny them.

Somehow in mere moments since putting this pipe in his mouth, an old, fat, bearded man became his absolute ideal of beauty. Zach saw how wonderfully chubby his fingers were now and after admiring the soft, white hairs growing on each knuckle, brought them closer to his mouth. Much to his delight he discovered it surrounded by copious amounts of silky, delicate facial fur. He took a deep inhale and then began gently blowing the smoke into his palm, as if trying to catch it and massage it into his beard. Loving the feeling of it growing longer and more luxuriant between his fingers. Oh god… what was happening to him?! Why couldn't he stop?!

“What the fuck have you done to me?!”

Zach cried out before inevitably returning to exploring his growing and expanding body practically right away. One hand caressing his belly while the other reached for his swollen cock, completely overcome by pleasure.

“Nothing that any of us hadn't experienced when we were first initiated into the club, Mr Bennett. It is quite an honor, while our plans are to ideally connect all men worldwide to their destined pipes one day, understandably we first needed to prioritize those with the means to help us achieve that goal…”

He instantly understood why those bastards had invited him here. It was about his social media site! They wanted to use it to spread this shit… and make more sexy, pipe smoking gents… Zach felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when he realized that he was already thinking of all the different features they could implement in the future to spark an interest in their pipes in every single man who had ever registered. And he knew that once they had their first puff, it would then remain as their habit forever.

No… he couldn’t… and yet he was tugging on his cock even faster now, taking deeper and deeper puffs of smoke, finding it so marvelous how those big, hazy plumes were slowly escaping from between his lips whenever he parted them. He was sure that his users were going to find it just as enchanting too once he tweaks the algorithm a little and makes sure that their feeds are filled with nothing but videos and pictures of sexy, bearded gents having a puff as they play with their meat.

The temptation to join them soon becoming truly irresistible, but for that they will of course need a pipe of their own. Zachary moaned in profound arousal, knowing full well that even if a few were to, by some miracle manage to keep themselves from outright ordering one free of charge from their special internet store, they still had collected enough metadata on all of them to ensure that one would be waiting at their doorstep the following day anyway.

Mmm… Zachary couldn’t take this… he began picturing all those mesmerizing, big bellied, bearded gentlemen with their pipes! First filling the feeds of his website, then the streets of the cities all around the globe… introducing everyone they knew into this lovely habit… the biggest cloud of smoke yet had erupted from his mouth as he moaned deeply, his stubby cock twitching and spraying his massive, hairy thighs with creamy, white seed. And he simply could not wait to suck them all off one by one!

***

Zachary was quite amused to find himself back right in his personal office. Of course nobody from among his colleagues had recognized him, but when he suddenly stepped out of the elevator wearing this expensive looking, extravagant suit and holding a heavy suitcase, they must have assumed he was an important investor and asked him to wait for someone right here since, as he very well knew, that one room was still by far the most presentable part of the entire workplace that hadn’t changed much from the days when they were only a small start up.

Naturally nobody could get ahold of ‘Zach’ as his cell phone had vanished and all calls were going straight to voicemail, so the honor of entertaining him fell on Aaron, their CTO. Zachary was actually quite impressed by just how quickly his friend had managed to catch on to everything after he began recounting the events of the previous day. But fortunately Zachary had a chance to personally assist Sebastian and Theodore with picking out just the perfect pipe for him. Even though Aaron knew just what was coming, he couldn't possibly resist his invitation to have a small puff together. Or for that matter to later allow Zachary to wrap his lips around his engorged, stubby cock as they pondered about this exciting new direction for their company, and even more importantly, the best way to introduce their colleagues to all those pipes waiting for them in his suitcase.

If you liked the story and would like to read more bear themed transformation fiction, consider subscribing to my Patreon! I post captions like this and longer stories there regularly!

I have also set up two extra accounts on twitter and bluesky for caption purposes! https://x.com/burrcapts https://burrcapts.bsky.social/

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

I mentioned in the last part (the part before that?) how I was leaving on the 15th… I’m not. I’m leaving on the 13th. This fic will be on hiatus until at LEAST the 8th of January, but I WILL come back! This is my baby and I’m not going to abandon it.

Part 1 | . . . | Part 39 | Part 40 | Part 41

Okay,” Robin says, and somehow just that is enough to soothe Steve. “We know how to fix this, Steve, but you need to focus. Can you focus?”

He takes a breath, feels it shake on the way out. “Yeah. I can focus.” He squeezes his free hand, clenches then releases, clenches then releases, startling when he feels something against his hand.

Eddie offers him a half-smile and a shrug, and Steve manages the expression back, taking his proffered hand and squeezing gently. Thank you, he thinks, and somehow he knows Eddie understands.

He and Robin talk for a few minutes, about how to do this, and he ends the call feeling slightly more confident than before.

“Okay,” he says, as much for Eddie’s benefit as his own. “We need her favorite song.”

Eddie bites his lip. “I’m guessing you don’t know it?”

“No, but I know someone who should. Do you happen to know the Hayes’ number?”

Eddie laughs. “Yeah, their middle kid, Ronnie? She’s our drummer.” He recites the number, and Steve punches it in, waiting eagerly.

“Hayes residence.”

Steve doesn’t really recognize the voice, so he tentatively asks, “Ronnie?”

She hums. “To some people, sure. Not to you. It’s Veronica.”

Steve winces. “Sorry. Veronica.”

Eddie narrows his eyes, then grabs the phone before Steve can say anything else. “Ronnie, be nice,” he whines, then laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Hey, there is actually a reason we called, though. D’you think Cassie knows Alli’s favorite song?” He covers the receiver and whispers to Steve, “‘Should I Stay or Should I Go,’ The Clash.” Back to the phone he says, “Thanks, Ron. I gotta go but I’ll talk t’you later, ‘kay? Yeah, you too. Bye.”

Steve turns to Allison, who’s beginning to float. “Shit,” he whispers. “C’mon, you gotta- d’you know the song?” He asks, clambering onto the counter to get closer to her.

“I know a little bit of it,” Eddie admits.

Steve nods. “Just… please. Whatever you know, sing.”

Eddie nods, and then Steve starts. He sings the first verse, then Eddie joins in, and Steve starts whispering to her. “C’mon, Al. You gotta fight, please. I just got you back, c’mon, I can’t lose you again. Not this soon. I won’t let him have you, Al, but you’ve gotta fight too.”

Just after they start the second verse, Allison drops to the ground. Steve yelps and scrambles down. “Al!”

“Bubba,” she murmurs, and he collapses into her.

“Thank God,” he murmurs. “Holy shit, Al, you’re okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” she agrees, clutching onto him just as tightly. “‘M here, bubba. You got me.”

He finally lifts his head and sees Robin, El, and Wayne standing in the entryway of his kitchen.

Evidently, Eddie sees them at the same time, because he yelps, “Wayne!” As he scrambles across the kitchen to hug his uncle.

“Hey,” Steve manages from his position on the floor, halfway on top of Allison.

Robin smiles, steps forward, and offers him a hand, which he takes with a grateful smile. He helps Alli stand after.

“So best I figure,” Wayne says, “You’re in a war and the enemy just made his next move, so your timeline’s moved up now.”

Steve sets his jaw and nods. “Just about.”

Wayne nods. “Your friend here said somethin’ ‘bout shootin’?”

Steve studies him for a moment, then nods. “You a good shot?”

“I was in a war, son, I’m as good as anyone else here.”

Steve nods and offers him a hand to shake. Wayne does, then asks, “So why don’t you tell me why my nephew is suddenly singing your praises?”

Eddie flushes and buries his face in his hands. “Wayne!”

Steve chuckles. “That’s actually a pretty long conversation, sir. How about some coffee?”

“Coffee would be great,” he nods. “And it’s Wayne, none’a that sir crap.”

Allison grabs his wrist before he can move. “Steve,” she murmurs. “That’s what you’re fighting? And have been?”

Steve nods, and she pulls him into a hug, tears pricking at both their eyes. “I’m gonna tear him apart,” she grits out, squeezing Steve until his back cracks. He squeezes her back just as hard.

“Okay,” he whispers, pulling back. “Go get a Walkman. Play your song on repeat. We don’t know why, but it helps.”

Alli chuckles. “Of course it does, it’s music.” She ruffles his hair and steps back, and suddenly Steve misses her like a limb.

“Robs-”

“I’ll go with you,” Robin volunteers, linking her arm with Alli’s and giving Steve a significant look. “C’mon.”

“That works,” Alli says, “I’ve been wanting to get to know you.” They both grin, and suddenly Steve is terrified to see them together.

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[lxclerc]

Mick insta!au - engagement

pairing: mick schumacher x reader rated: fluff

lex's 2k party

Instagram AU

Liked by danielricciardo, gina_schumacher and others

mickschumacher a very special weekend with a very special girl

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gina_schumacher have a great weekend, you two!!

yourusername thank you, gina 🫶

user1 alexa, play that should be me

user2 you two are so cute omg 😭😭

danielricciardo keep your eyes on the road, mate

mickshumacher driving safely with precious cargo on board

lance_stroll you actually make me nauseous

yourusername 🙄🙄

estebanocon good luck, mate!!

mickschumacher ❤️

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yourusername ready to spend my life with you.

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mickschumacher love of my life ❤️❤️

yourusername i love you forever

user1 OH MY GOD THIS IS NOT A DRILL

sebastianvettel i cannot be happier for you two

yourusername thank you so much, seb 🥹 you're godfather of future little micks

user2 WHY IS SHE ALREADY TALKING ABOUT BABIES IS SHE PREGNANT

user3 bestie i have a minimum of three breakdowns today, dont do this to me

yourbestfriend i knew it!! congratulations, you two!!! you were always going to be the one for each other ❤️

yourusername danke, my love

user3 HOLY CRAP THIS WAS NOT IN MY BINGO CARD

itselenaberri i'm crying from happiness for you guys!!!

yourusername trust me, i have not stop crying since this ring touched my finger 😭

Liked by charles_leclerc, gina_schumacher and others

mickschumacher thank you for saying yes ❤️

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yourusername i will literally start crying again

mickschumacher ❤️

gina_schumacher Y/N! I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO BE MY SISTER!

yourusername i adore you so much, gina

charles_leclerc congratulations, mate! ❤️ Liked by mickschumacher

carlossainz55 drinks on me! congrats, cabron! ❤️ Liked by mickschumacher

user1 my literal parents oh my god

estabanocon i call best man!

lance_stroll no i am

mickschumacher actually sebastian already said yes to being best man

estabanocon of course. anything seb wants

lance_stroll what he said

user2 i love this trio so much

user3 why am i crying right now?

lewishamilton all the best wishes for the two of you!

yourusername hi lewis. i know it says there i'm engaged but i'm actually single and free this thursday

mickschumacher y/n!!!

yourusername don't ruin my game, mick. it's eight time world champion sir lewis hamilton

lewishamilton 🤣🤣

user4 honestly, can you blame her?

[drconstellation]

Once and Future Royalty

Just, stay with me on this one. I know its going to look crazy at the start, but trust me, I know where I'm going.

It all started with the 537AD scene in Wessex in the opening montage of "Hard Times," S1E3. Yeah, the one where Aziraphale is supposed to be a knight of the Round Table and Crowley is role-playing the Black Knight, and they are both so super-squeaky shiny clean - not a speck of dirt or mud on them. wtf! It looks out of place, unrealistic, and was bugging the crap out of me, like a stone in your shoe. It just didn't fit. I mean, why put a myth, a legend, into that sequence? Oh, OK, yeah, the preceding stories from the Bible, like the Garden of Eden and the Flood, aren't "myths" as well, you say? Hmm. In the context of the Good Omens AU, being a biblical based story, they belong there far more than the legend of King Arthur.

King Arthur, who supposedly united Britain under his rule during the late 5th century and early 6th century, was shown to have the divine right to rule by wielding the mighty sword Excalibur. Some stories tell of Arthur pulling Excalibur from a stone. Some tell of him receiving Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake. Either way, it was bestowed upon him by divine grace. Despite his triumph in battle, he left no heirs, as his queen, the fair Guinevere, was barren. She had a long-running love affair with the greatest knight of the court, Sir Lancelot, but despite this being an open secret in court Arthur would not put her aside. The knights of the Round Table in the court of Camelot were near-paragons of Christian virtue, and there are many tales of their search for the Holy Grail, the cup from the Last Supper of Jesus Christ.

In the end, mortally wounded in battle, Arthur was taken away for healing, and never seen again. It was said he would return when Britain was at it most direst hour to save the day once more. A "messianic" return.

The Once and Future King.

Now, I'm no Arthurian novice; I drank up all of T. H. White as a teenager, read the Dark is Rising multiple times, Marion Zimmer Bradley's interpretation and what ever else I could lay my hands on for a good couple of decades. And there is LOTS of King Arthur stuff around. You are not left wanting for anything new to read or consume. And I'll bet there are a fair few of you also out there who know a quite bit about the legend as well. Oh, and I can't tell you how many times I have watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I still walk around quoting it day-to-day, like the good little Gen-Xer I am, having grown up on that stuff. So I really should have listened to my intuition when bits of Monty Python kept popping up in my brain in response to other parts of GO I was thinking about. (Staaay, I said, stay with me here....)

I kept chewing away furiously on the Wessex problem, growling in feral frustration at it, but also kept reading and sorting out some other ideas and metas at the same time. Eventually I found the key in a tiny little post, about a small detail in the 1941 Blitz episode S2E4, of all places. I wanted to slap myself with how much was staring me in the face so obviously once the door opened. And the damn beauty of it is, that I already written about some it, out of context, without knowing the why.

OK. Where to start this journey...hmmm, back to Monty Python, because, guess what - the Wessex scene is actually riffing off one the more famous skits out the the Holy Grail. The scene is a masterpiece of political satire, from start to finish, but the relevant part here is this sequence:

In case you missed the salient points: Arthur claims he is king by divine providence, because he was given Excalibur by the Lady of the Lake. Dennis the peasant protests this waterlogged method of determination, mentioning ponds, watery tarts and a moistened... well, I hope you get the idea about where this is going.

Meanwhile, in 537AD, Wessex, as the mist swirls around them:

"It is a bit damp," complains a shiny silver Aziraphale.

Yes, Excalibur would be a bit damp after it emerged from the Lake. (vidavalor! Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm trying to have a serious discussion here! Please! And I wasn't even going to go anywhere near what the sword in the stone is really meant to be referring to...it's not even relevant to the discussion at hand, I swear! Well, there is going to be sexual relations mentioned but - oh, never mind...)

Right. Where were we. Lets leave those super-clean elite pretendy knights to swim off through the swirling mist back to their dry homes to write and file reports to head office, along with Patsy and the hired Igors, and Dennis can keep playing in his lovely muddy filth after he finishes protesting being repressed by the divinely-deluded Arthur. I've got a bit more to say about what Aziraphale and Crowley might represent here later but you need some more context first, so lets move on. I just needed to show you the first bit so you can see the Arthurian theme stretches across both S1 and S2, and will likely appear in S3 as well. More about that towards the end.

Ah, before I forget...another ref from the Holy Grail we need to cover:

This GIF, unfortunately, doesn't have the full exchange between the peasants, which is this:

P1: "Who's that then?" P2: "I don't know. Must be a king." P1: "How can you tell?" P2: "Because he doesn't have any shit on him."

Ah. Er. OH!

Have you made the connection?

Who have I been emphasizing as being unusually clean in their Arthurian setting? That's right, Aziraphale and Crowley.

What's this implying? That they are royalty. Celestial royalty. Maybe not kings, but how about princes? You know how we've been discussing whether Crowley was a once at least an Archangel, and there is even a hint that he was a fallen prince of Heaven given during the replay of Gabriel's trial? (Not the prince, but a prince - a seraphim) And that Aziraphale may have once been Raphael, and may be again in the future? Once and future royalty. To me it adds weight to the past discussion, and helps to explain the assumed authority expressed in these two scenes here: On the left, Aziraphale takes control inside the book shop as the angels and demons argue who is going to punish Gabriel and Beelzebub (finally found it after several months!) and on the right, Crowley is shouting at the assembling demons in the street that they are "out of order."

Onward, Patsy. (I hope you're still with me.)

1941, the Blitz part 2, minisode.

We've found Excalibur! On to Camelot!

[Edit note: I've added a few GIFs and screen shots into the sequence of parallels above because I was thinking over a few things since I posted and felt this actually sat better. To try and explain, as they don't exactly match as I would like, in the Holy Grail movie, King Arthur and the knights he has gathered rock up at the foot of Camelot and gaze up in awe at it. "Camelot!" Arthur declares to the party. "Camelot!" Galahad echoes in excitement. And a third "Camelot!" comes from Lancelot. What do we get in GO? Aziraphale leaps out of the Bentley (Crowley's black horse) and declares "The theater! Sophocles! Shakespeare!" I swear, if you put the two side by side, they would match. It's not just a reminder of how much time Aziraphale has seen pass by, or that we are seeing a tragedy play out. But damn it, I could so just see Aziraphale attending a Sophocles performance in Athens back in the day...]

Camelot was King Arthur's castle and home of his court. In S2 of GO the Windmill Theater is established as our court of Camelot where our 1941 Blitz-era Arthurian drama is to play out, involving Furfur and the zombies.

Yes, poor old Furfur. Two's company, three's a crowd, as they say. Now we know we're in Camelot, we need to be reminded of the central tragedy of the Arthurian story, that ultimately led to the golden kingdom's fall. Lady Guinevere, Arthur's queen, famously loved Sir Lancelot, and the two were passionate lovers. It was essentially a love-triangle at the top, with Arthur being jilted, but he wouldn't/couldn't discard his queen. Where do we see this playing out in 1941?

Furfur, pleased with himself for catching an angel and a demon in the act of consorting together (with the help of the zombies,) barges into the backstage dressing room, and confronts the lovers with their crime. But who is playing who in the Arthurian love triangle? I would say Furfur is clearly caught in the role of Arthur here. Consider the following exchange:

FURFUR: Hmm, well, well, well… What have we here? AZIRAPHALE: Sorry, have we met? FURFUR: Oh, no, you never had the pleasure, but… we have, haven't we? CROWLEY: Have we? FURFUR: What do you mean "have we?" You know we have. We were in the same legion. Just before the Fall. Doing dubious battle on the plains of Heaven. Remember? CROWLEY: I remember going into battle, I don't remember being there with you. Sorry. FURFUR: I was right next to you. We did loads together. You use to jump on me back, little monkey in the waistcoat. Anyway, whether you do or whether you don't, it doesn't matter. I'm here to inform you, as a representative of the Higher Powers of Hell, that you, Crowley, are in breach of the Infernal Code. Consulting and collaborating with an angel, Fell the Marvelous, aka… [opens book] Azirapalala. Azirapapap. Aziphapalala. AZIRAPHALE: [annoyed] Aziraphale

Furfur claims a past intimate relationship with Crowley, which Crowley spurns offhandedly. Crowley is playing Guinevere here, jilting Furfur/Arthur, which leaves the demon-smiting Aziraphale standing in for the handsome hero Lancelot (with his French connections, no less), and doesn't he make us weak at the knees when he drops his voice an octave in dominating disgust. (Is it suddenly getting hot in here...? Phew!)

Interestingly, looking back in S1 at 537AD Wessex, though, I would say that Crowley was Lancelot as the Black Knight, a role that Lancelot sometimes played in the legends, and Aziraphale would then be the fair maiden Guinevere. It certainly plays into Crowley's long term role of playing the knight who comes to the rescue of Aziraphale's princess in distress. Excalibur was no where in sight, perhaps still beneath the waters of the lake. Nor Arthur. Perhaps it was still too early in the story then...

I had originally suggested in my very first post that Furfur was given a stag as his demon avatar because he was wearing horns for being cuckolded by Crowley. But I wasn't quite thinking about it in context with the Arthurian legend! The stag is also often associated with royalty, plus while wandering around the medieval bestiary website that someone linked to, it interestingly notes that the enemy of the snake is the stag and the stork (Shax's avatar.) Ah ha!

So how can we extrapolate this knowledge into a possible appearance of the Arthurian theme in S3?

Will we see the love triangle of Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot come back into play and cause more chaos? I'm wondering if it might have something to do with the Fall.

Or will our lovers bring down a divinely-appointed ruler via their committed behind-the-back defiance of expected propriety?

Will Excalibur appear from beneath the waters, perhaps in another form, to declare a new king?

Could it even be a combination Jesus/Arthur, King of the World, returned? And they turn out to be a very naughty boy, disappearing into the night clubs of Times Square, New York, and that's how they lose him? (Social media viral sensation, anyone?)

I wouldn't be half-surprised if Greasy Johnson's name turns out to be Arthur, actually.

And no, I haven't forgotten that Adam's dad was named Arthur as well.

Bring on S3!

**Bonus**

If you've made it this far and you're thinking:

Let me leave you with this last connection.

In the back stage change room, remember Furfur delivers these lines:

FURFUR: What do you mean "have we?" You know we have. We were in the same legion. Just before the Fall. Doing dubious battle on the plains of Heaven. Remember?

On the first level, he is referring the Great War in the Good Omens AU.

On the second level, Furfur is paraphrasing Milton's Paradise Lost.

On a third level, I can (and will in a future meta) connect this back to the training initiative paintball fight at Tadfield Manor in S1.

And even deeper on a fourth level, if you do know the Holy Grail movie well, you'll remember there is an odd little subplot in it, that infers that the whole King Arthur and his knights thing is merely a full-on violent cosplay that is murderously rampaging across the countryside in the present day with the police in hot pursuit. It's a strange juxtaposition between reality and dream, and you aren't quite sure what it is real or not. The ending is bizarrely and abruptly surreal as the two story lines collide in the heat of battle, as the police turn up and arrest the combatants. A bit like this:

[princess-of-thebes-1995]

You licked your lips with nervousness as you sat on the helicopter with the new team you were assigned with.

They all had tattoos and weird haircuts. Looked as if they came out of prison. You didn't like their style.

You bowed your head and held on the box of science equipment.

The Colonel introduced you to his loyal team.

You felt puny around them.

Now here you were. You sat between Zdog and the Colonel.

You could smell his cologne sandalwood with shaving cream. You liked it.

You saw him staring at you. You gave him a smile smile then looked away

Quaritch inwardly smiled. You were so well mannered. He knew you were a good person.

He felt the butterflies in his stomach when you smiled at him. What a model you are.

His life improved a lot when you moved in with him and started "dating" or whatever.

You cooked food for him. The healthy quality of handmade food gave him better health.

Not the cafeteria crap

Not to mention the way you would clean his shared room with you. Less germs. No bugs.

With the clean laundry and all that. You were an asset.

He can imagine living with you.

And not to mention the sleeping patterns. He now sleeps easily. He cannot take medicine since he is a soldier. A rule. But now you are his pill. You relax him. Give him inner peace.

The helicopter landed and Quaritch held his hand out for you. He made you stand safely in the grass.

Off the helicopter. And that is where your beautiful eyes widened. It was a natural heaven. So healthy and fresh. No industrialization. Like a country life esthetic. You hate the city life

How cozy too

The colonel watched you amazed expression with love

You were indeed so cute

He let you wonder a little.

You gathered the plants Grace told you and the team would watch. Quaritch then heard something. He motioned his team to follow him.

He will not go too far or long away from you so he followed the noise. He refused to let you die. He knew he said he will not succeed in protecting all. But, you he will make a priority.

You were done with the gathering and that was when you noticed you were alone. You decided to roam around some more. The farther you went the more beautiful the forest was. Amazing.

You hated the over devolved earth with their technologies. The old days were better.

As you continued walking, you failed to realized your mistake

Quaritch came back and chased a mean looking jaguaruan (made up predator name. Haha.)

It got scared off. The team returned but found you gone.

Holy shit

Quaritch's heart beated like bat shit crazy

Did a monster take you?

"Scout ahead!"

"yes, sir!" His team shouted in unison.

Quaritch ran quickly. You poor thing. He left you alone. It was his fault. He overestimated you. You were not a soldier. He thought if he protected you from afar would be fair judgement but not close.

He scolded himself. He was a fool for putting you in danger. His sweet delicate Name.

You were to fragile to be left on your own

He then saw your sneaker prints and then there you were. Collecting weird goddamn flowers.

He realized that you walked away instead.

"brat!"

You jumped and saw your lover heaving. Uh oh.

He grabbed your hair. You hissed and clutched his hand to ease the pain.

"You almost gave me a fuckin heart attack. I told you not to go far. You deliberately disobeyed me."

"I'm sorry colonel I forgot."

The colonel dropped his gun and let go of you. He told the mic that his team should go next to the helicopter and wait for him and told them he found you.

Then sadly it rained. Pandora rain was always harsh. Muddy soup. Your clothes were already soak. The Colonel saw your wet clothes clinging to your curvy body and saw your nipples

Fuck. He couldn't take it

He pushed you to the grass ground and began to take off your clothes

"Colonel, what are you doing!?" You tried to stop his greedy hands from lifting your blouse.

"you need to be disciplined. Besides this place is the most romantic place for us to consume our relationship rather the fucking stuffy base "

That's right. The eclipsed moon. The rain. The fresh scenery and open air. Like Adam with his eve.

Fuck.

He first began to eat you out. Your pink and wet virgin pussy

Your eyes rolled back in pleasure.

This was really happening

The Colonel then began to suck your perky tits and then kiss your body and all that. He wanted you to feel cherished and he wanted to complete your fantasy like every romantic woman.

He never did this to any woman he slept with in the past. Just a way to get laid

You were nervous, he knew. He then kissed you as he Inserted himself in you. He hissed in pleasurable pain as he pumped in you.

You cried. He was too thick and too long. But he kissed your tears away and continued. The blood came out but was immediately washed away from rain

He spilled his seed in you and then he collapsed on the crook of your neck. He would get you pregnant but you waited a long time for this. So, he guesses he will have to let you have fun first before making you settle down with him.

He separated from you then watched you catch your breath

He felt remorse of him being harsh in yelling at you. But you almost killed yourself.

He sighed. He then made you sit up and he dressed you. Then himself. He held your hand and made you follow him.

The team was waiting and you arrived at the base.

When you two were finally alone in his room, Quaritch immediately stripped you out of your wet clothes. He then dried you. But instead of letting you sleep. He took you again . He was again rough. Like he was waiting for this his whole life. How long was he pining for you?

"look at me " he said sternly

You looked at him in surprise.

"don't disobey me again. It's for your own good."

"I'm sorry."

Again you were cute. So innocent and well mannered. He kissed you. What a princess.

He pumped hard into you. He wanted to fill you to the brim. Full of his seed. He licked your neck.

Finally after down, he made you sleep on his chest

The next morning. The Colonel was in a good mood. His soldiers noticed. Grace knew why. She was in a good mood too. She loved her plants.

Maybe Quaritch was not so bad after all. But boy you were wrong...

[totaldramafan-lauri]

EPISODE 4

Well.......I.....I got what I signed up for.

I got "Poison". That song I've been obsessively listening to since the day it was released. I finally got to see the visuals that went along with that song, and.....now, I don't think I can UNSEE them.

I hope that everyone who watched this episode is safe, and that...that the people who knew this would be too much for them took the warnings seriously, and....and looked away from the show....Hazbin is not a show that everyone can enjoy. It has a very specific audience in mind, and people who are outside of that audience...r-really should've gotten the point before this episode hit, hopefully....

This was a very....heavy episode. And it....did its job. I'm unnerved, disturbed, and holy crap....I just want Angel out of there as soon as possible. He's been through so, so much, and getting even a TASTE of that was absolutely soul-crushing......Valentino NEEDS to get his commupence ON SCREEN at this point. I regret calling him pathetic before, because seeing him through Angel's eyes....I don't wanna downplay how intimidating he can be. We need to see that guy get what's coming to him. I am waiting with baited breath for Angel to have his "2 Minutes Notice" moment now....

Also, anyone who says that Huskerdust will be a relationship built off of sexual harassment is WRONG. I always assumed there'd be more to it than that, so I'm super happy to comfortably ship it now. This relationship got off the ground not off the jokes, but because Husk is the one who sees right through Angel's persona from the word 'go'. He's exactly the type of person Angel needs. Angel is always hiding himself through his persona, and he needs someone to tell him to drop the act and admit that he needs help. And while Angel didn't ask for HELP in this episode, he DID let himself be vulnerable. Which is a big step for him. As well as that fight scene where the two bond, and he says that sex isn't all he's good at.

The thing about Husk being a former overload was something I did NOT see coming at all....I-I knew he made a deal with Alastor, but not that he was an overlord.....And that he still has some power left over from that....That's crazy....You'd think that people would recognize him, like.....Sir Pentious has been around longer than anyone, so why did he need to get introduced to Husk earlier, or did he not- I-I dunno, but...I like that.

The Huskerdust song was....OK. I liked the lyrics more than the music. I was SO worried that these two were gonna be like Stolitz where we're waiting forever for them to talk to each other while they're working on themselves. But in just one episode, they've opened up to each other a bit! No complaints!

N-not really much else to say....this episode was basically nothing but Angel's arc. Alastor is barely in this episode, which was a letdown for me of course....but.....no Alastor also meant I could focus on the other characters a bit better than usual, so it worked out.

What was that about Vaggie hating herself, tho....?

Great episode, hard to watch at times but that was the point, I still adore "Poison", and.....yeah....

I-I guess that's it for now....