#honestly could do a whole commentary on this performance | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cephalog0d · 5 months

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"He could smell something warm and full of aromatic spices, which was a good sign nothing had gone disastrously wrong. The door was mostly closed and Damian had music playing, so Bruce couldn’t make out any individual words, but he could faintly hear Damian speaking in Arabic. He caught an exasperated exclamation of “Mother”, followed by slightly tinny laughter from Talia over the phone, but it was much more performative than genuinely distressed, so he decided to leave them to it."

I was finally reading Comfort Food and this paragraph grabbed me by the throat!!! Like adult Damian calling him mom just to cook for his baby brother and they're having a fun/pleasant time?? I NEED the DVD commentary

Biggest Brother Damian does all sorts of little nice and helpful things for his siblings but if you make a big deal about it and call it out he gets real awkward. XD He's like a brownie, he can only do nice things if no one's calling attention to it. (That's mostly a joke, but a little bit true that he's a lot better at actions than words. He is, in some ways, his father's son and not so great at the whole "using your words to express affection" thing, so he just does stuff for them instead. Like making soup! Because feeding people is a great way to show you care without actually having to talk about it much! See also: Damian throwing a granola bar directly at Tim's face when he's been on the computer too long without a break, because they get along better now but they don't get along that well.)

I was thinking about the fact that Dick's life has been totally upended, and how beyond losing his parents he's also lost a whole slew of other things that were familiar and comforting, and then thinking about parallels there with Damian having to adjust to living in Gotham/with Bruce (compared to Tim and Jason who were at least from Gotham already; Cass has her own complicated relationship with her childhood vs her time with Bruce that's kind of a different thing than just a change in culture). And that led to thinking about food, specifically, in that context and here we are!

And the great thing about doing an AU is that you get to choose if/how you want to incorporate canon and in my case I am BLATANTLY IGNORING all of the "Talia is a horrible, abusive parent" canon and letting her actually be a good mom, dammit. (At least within the bounds of her being a somewhat morally ambiguous comic book character. Good parenting is kind of a sliding scale in the DC verse, and particularly in the Bat verse.) She's not a perfect parent, but neither is Bruce (and they share some of the same parenting flaws! Like extremely high expectations for themselves and everyone around them, or weird ideas about what knowledge and training is and isn't appropriate for a child to take part in, or having very strong opinions on What's Best For Damian that don't necessarily align with each other OR with Damian himself and have definitely never been a three-way point of contention at any point during his childhood).

There's been some rough patches over the years, but by this point Damian is on mostly good terms with both of his parents, and while he mostly lived in Gotham growing up (after the point where he actually met Bruce, obviously) he did also split his time visiting Talia in various parts of the world for various lengths of time, depending on what exactly she was up to. (Yes, as he has acquired more and more younger siblings he has started bringing gifts back for them. He says it's because they won't shut up and leave him alone if he doesn't, but you know. Literally no one believes that.)

His phone call to Talia here definitely consisted of equal parts helpful instruction in what to do and deeply unhelpful commentary on the state of Bruce's pantry and what he does and doesn't keep stocked. Or honestly probably a lot more of her dragging Bruce and less actual help. Damian definitely just asked her to text him a recipe and instead she was like "Nope, phone call" and he only complained like twice about how a text would've been easier when she spent like five minutes explaining what not to use instead of actually offering a suitable substitution.

(This story also sent me down a rabbit hole trying to research what type of food different parts of the world consider "sick people food", a la chicken noodle soup in the US, and mostly consisted of me being frustrated that the first page of results was almost entirely the same list of a dozen things repackaged by different sites, and then it devolved into articles with titles about "what country's food will make you sick?" Super helpful, internet, thanks. I did find a big reddit thread that was somewhat helpful, once I skimmed past all the answers that weren't really an answer or didn't bother to say where they were talking about. And it's funny because it was a very minor detail that got glossed over anyway due to the POV involved. Whoops. But I have several recipes I want to make now?)

#fic commentary #ceph writes things #reverse robins #damian wayne

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 2 years

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

I've been really into Stray Kids (the band) lately. I am listening to their songs a lot and have watched many of their music videos, performances etc. - so many that my Youtube recommendations are 100% Stray Kids-related now. If you wonder why I am telling you this, it's because I decided to turn this blog into a K-Pop Stan account.

Gender stuff is important but I'm just much more passionate about Lee Felix's deep voice right now and I hope we can embark on this new journey together... and yes, I am obviously kidding about this.

The real reason is that he got me thinking about gender stuff.

More specifically, my Youtube recommendations did. They show me a lot of fan-made videos - and a surprising amount of them center around physical touch. "10 minutes of Stray Kids being cuddlebugs", "7 minutes of Stray Kids kissing each other", things like that.

You may think "Oh, cute" or "Yikes, problematic" right now. When I look into the comments of such videos, the latter one seems to be the reaction of many people - and they have good points. It's easy to forget that band members are actual people who are co-workers in real life and that a high "fan demand" of physical contact between them may put real pressure with real consequences on them. There is also the obvious issue of ignoring cultural differences and pushing American standards on them (regarding how much and which kinds of touch are "normal" etc.).

With all that said: those videos are evidently very popular - and I don't think it's fair to dismiss it as nothing but voyeuristic stalker behavior. Their popularity is a sign that it fulfills some kind of need. Next to the comments calling these videos out, there are also plenty of people talking about how warm and happy and calm these videos make them feel. And honestly, after watching a few myself, I do see the appeal. Watching them be openly affectionate with each other is a feel-good thing - and a big part of that is probably that they are all men.

The cultural differences come in play there. The unspoken rule in my country seems to be that men do not touch each other unless it's in either a violent or an explicitly sexual context. Male friends don't hold hands or kiss or cuddle or play with each other's hair. Platonic touch between men just isn't a thing. And I am not even American - I believe it's even worse over there.

It's easy to shrug your shoulder now and think "Nobody is stopping men but their own homophobia." and yes, there are obviously the Aggressively Heterosexual Dudes™ who would rather die than have their male friend perform CPR on them because that's too gay for them - but it's oversimplifying it to say that this is the only issue. Deeply ingrained cultural structures just aren't that easy to break on an individual level, not even for men who are far from aggressively heterosexual (or far from heterosexual at all), even though society as a whole would benefit from it.

We were made for a gentle touch. That sounds unnecessarily poetic but it's true. It's one of the main ways human beings communicate. Just think about babies. You could provide them with plenty of the most nourishing food and buy them the most expensive stuff - if nobody ever touches them gently, they are not gonna grow up healthy. It may be a myth that everyone needs 8 hugs a day, individual people have individual needs, but touch is a basic human need.

And yet, society tells us to rely on one person alone to fulfill that need: a romantic partner. Being in a relationship is one of the only "acceptable" ways to fulfill it, especially for men. The possibility of a hug leading to sex somehow makes it a masculine thing. According to the unspoken cultural rules, men can even touch each other... as long as they touch to f*ck.

And that brings us back to the duality of those Stray Kids videos: If you watch a video like that and it has no commentary within itself, no fixed message on how you are supposed to interpret it, if it's genuinely just a compilation of men kissing and hugging and holding hands - how do you interpret it? Which cultural rules influence your interpretation? And if people can interpret it in ways that play directly into toxic cultural structures, does that mean these videos are merely an extension of those toxic rules - or could they be a welcome antidote? A safe space for people to experience and explore platonic male intimacy in ways that they may rarely get to in their own country?

Could they be a mixture of both?

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#I feel like the intro to this letter falls firmly in the things that are a lot funnier in my head than they are out loud category #But isn't a bad sense of humor a dad privilege? I earned this #On a more serious note: this is more of a thinking-out-loud letter - the questions are genuine questions I am wondering about

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msmargaretmurry · 1 year

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Hey if you're still doing the ask meme- would love either BTS for a scene from head above water or between our bodies OR if you have any, BTS/deleted scene vibes for HAW of what was going on off screen since we don't get Leon's POV - like did you have an idea of what was going on from his side and then filter that through Matthew's unreliable narration? Or was it vague/just hints in your head just like the reader has to kind of infer things

(see, i AM still working my way through these! i WILL finish them!) hi friend thank you for asking! to answer the question, yes i did have an idea of what was going on in leon's head in HAW — not always word-for-word his thoughts, but always at least his general feelings and motivations. i think that was necessary for me to know for him to make any sense at all, because matthew sure as shit didn't know what was going on over there, lmao. i like to know what all my characters are thinking/feeling, because otherwise how am i supposed to know what they should do or say?

under the cut, some extremely long-winded commentary on the first kiss scene from head above water 😂

Gingerly, when every movement isn’t sending uncomfortable threads of electricity up his spine anymore, Matthew relaxes the grip of his thighs. Leon rolls his hips like he can’t help himself, even though the movement makes Matthew clench around him. Matthew can feel how he’s mostly gone soft, but he can’t help thinking that if it weren’t for the condom, he would be fucking his own come even deeper into Matthew, and that sends a different kind of feeling up his spine. [first of all: matthew, buddy, relax. brady says in chapter one that matthew hasn’t relaxed in years or something like that, and he’s right. second of all, this is a more mild example, but throughout the fic matthew has these thoughts about sex with leon that are like… horny, yeah, but also kind of about leon claiming him, part of the fantasy being this idea of just giving himself over to being given what he wants.]

“Okay,” Matthew says. Leon eases out, using Matthew’s knees as leverage to sit up. Matthew hisses through his teeth at the loss, and Leon rubs an apologetic hand up and down his thigh.

“Do you want the shower first?” he asks.

“Honestly, I don’t think I can move yet,” Matthew says, then, “Don’t start,” when a hint of smugness tugs at Leon’s mouth. Leon, unfazed, props his chin on Matthew’s knee. [leon’s spent most of their hookups so far keeping himself from being as tactile as he’s inclined to be, but he’s basically given that up at this point. from a writing perspective, not just here but throughout the fic, matthew’s point of view is deliberately obtuse about leon’s potential feelings and intentions, so we get a lot of matthew registering the physical actions leon performs and refusing to analyze them.]

“So are you still mad at me?” he asks.

“I wasn’t mad at you to begin with,” Matthew groans, dragging a hand over his face. “You were mad at me. I was mad at myself.”

“Both of us mad at the same person, wow. I think that’s the first time that ever happened.”

Matthew laughs hoarsely. “Fuck off and go shower.” [just like in the previous scene i did this for, my favorite parts are often these little moments where things are easy between them — a little flirting, a little honesty, it’s nice!]

Leon rubs Matthew’s thigh one more time, then pulls himself away to do just that. Once he’s gone, Matthew lets himself splay out with a sigh, stretching his legs the length of the bed, testing his sore hips.

It would be great if he could be fucking normal about this. [matthew’s whole character arc is embedded in this idea of having to be normal and tick off certain boxes to be valued and loved the way he wants to be valued and loved, which i tried to thread through the story in a way that when you get to the last chapter and leon says “i don’t give a fuck about normal” you really get hit with the realization of how differently they were each seeing/approaching this whole situationship] He decided weeks ago that sleeping with Leon was okay as long as he kept it to the important things — getting off, a little eye candy — and yet it feels so much more complicated. He lays his forearm over his eyes and tries to will it all away: Leon being here, him wanting Leon to be here, every missed scoring chance, every turnover. He is better than he played tonight. He’s no McDavid, no Johnny Hockey, but he is better than that. He knows it. [in my humble opinion matthew is a better overall hockey player than johnny, no offense johnny, but, to matthew, johnny is perfect obviously]

Matthew is still taking stock of what a fucking mess he is when Leon reappears in the doorway. [literally and metaphorically! :)]

“Here,” he says, tossing something. The wet washcloth lands next to Matthew with a soft thump. By the time Matthew has processed this, Leon has disappeared again and the shower is running.

Matthew looks from the washcloth in his hand to the bathroom door and contemplates hauling himself up on his wobbly legs to join Leon in there. Pros: Leon; cons: moving. Pros: maybe round two?; cons: that might be — too much. And not just physically. [i liked having matthew make these little pro/con lists in his head because to me they felt like a kind of internal scoreboard — if he goes with the side that wins then obviously he’s making the correct choice. of course, this list gets him nowhere because he’s too aware that he would have to acknowledge his feelings to make an accurate list.]

At least cleaning himself up is enough of a chore that it’s distracting. The washcloth is not enough; he will still need a shower, but he’s slightly less disgusting by the time Leon emerges, patting himself dry with a stolen towel. Matthew’s chest feels tight again, and he focuses his gaze on the ceiling instead of watching him get dressed.

Except instead of getting dressed, Leon climbs back onto the bed, flopping on his stomach next to Matthew. He crosses his arms on the pillow and rests his head on them, closing his eyes.

“Wake me up when you’re done showering,” he says.

“Sure,” Matthew says, but he still can’t get up. Or he could, like, his legs are working, but nothing in his brain wants to. He twists the corner of the washcloth, which is now cold and damp instead of warm and damp, and looks at Leon. At the smooth curve of his shoulder, half-hiding his face. His slightly parted lips, his soft eyelashes. The way the tension that seems to always be tugging between his eyebrows has melted away for once. Matthew has a fleeting fantasy of smoothing his thumb across Leon’s brow, of stroking his knuckles down the scruffy beard on his cheek.

Get it together, he thinks, as panic rises in him like floodwater. Get it together, Tkachuk. Come on. [i was really proud of “as panic rises in him like floodwater” as a thematic simile here, lol]

Leon opens his eyes. Matthew is convinced for a second that he could feel him staring. Maybe he could. Maybe he can read every thought on Matthew’s face. His brows twitch together, the corners of his mouth turning down. Matthew feels like he is fully underwater.

Leon shifts closer, moving like if he does it quietly enough, no one will notice, even though Matthew is still looking right at him. He closes the gap between them so he’s almost on top of Matthew again. Touches the bony edge of Matthew’s eye socket, where the skin is still the ugly yellow of an old bruise. Matthew should school his face into something neutral, but he can’t remember how.

“What,” he croaks. It’s supposed to be something like What are you looking at or What’s your deal right now, but that first word is as far as he gets. Leon’s gaze drops to his mouth. Maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise when he leans down, but the brush of his lips over Matthew’s is such a shock that Matthew forgets to breathe.

And that’s all it is. A brush of lips. The barest hint of Leon’s beard against Matthew’s skin. It might not even technically count as a kiss. Leon tilts his head, a tiny movement, and their noses nudge against each other. Matthew’s heart is pounding so loud that he’s sure Leon can hear it, and yeah, that’s embarrassing, but he cannot exist in this limbo. He can’t.

Matthew takes one deep breath, then another, and says, “If you’re gonna kiss me, can you at least do it right?”

“This is so stupid,” Leon mumbles, but the next one definitely counts as a kiss. [there are several scenes from this fic that i wrote at like 1am in my notes app in the dark squinting at my phone with one eye before i really had a story to put them in, and this first kiss sequence was one of those (as was the sex scene where matthew first gets leon to choke him). i rarely write scenes out of order, but i had a few scenes come to me SO clearly that i wanted to get them down as soon as i thought of them, and then i became determined to develop a story they would fit into.

that being said, a brief detour into leon’s head here: leading up to the nye facetime call, leon had been very tentatively feeling his little feelings, but after the nye call, he was maybe for the first time actually optimistic about matthew being on the same page as him, feelings-wise. the evening got off to a kind of rocky start, but they got back on track, and he thinks things are going well, so he finally, finally goes for this kiss he’s been thinking about for months. he’s felt so weird about doing the things he’s been doing to matthew but not kissing him, but up until now he hasn’t felt like he was allowed, and he’s still not sure, but he’s being a brave little toaster and going for it anyway.]

It’s almost tentative, just for a second, but the moment Matthew kisses back, Leon cups his face in both hands and it turns messy and demanding faster than Matthew’s brain can follow. It’s been months and months since Matthew kissed anyone, and longer since he kissed anyone like this, all teeth and reckless urgency. Way longer since he’s been kissed the way Leon is kissing him, like it’s a competition to see who can climb inside the other person first. [i love when characters kiss but i think writing good kissing is so hard and i was really pleased with how this kissing sequence turned out :)]

It really is stupid — the way his toes curl, the way the sting of Leon’s beard against his chapped lips just makes him want more. The way it feels like that first gasp of air after kicking frantically for the surface. [there is so much water motif in this scene but i think it works tbh! i love my water motif!] Matthew pulls Leon closer, bites his lip, digs his fingers into the flesh of his ass, licks the moan from his mouth. He wraps a leg around Leon’s waist, trying to get friction against his stomach. He’s hard again, Leon is more than halfway there, and Matthew can’t help arching up so Leon’s cock slides against the cleft of his ass.

“I’m getting another condom,” Leon says, barely intelligible, and Matthew says, “Yeah, yeah, yes, fuck.”

The ten seconds it takes him to pull away and glove up are torture, but then he’s on Matthew again, and they’re kissing as he pushes into him. Matthew is slick enough from before that the stretch is the good kind of rough. A punched-out sound escapes him as Leon fucks him open again, their open mouths sliding together as they pant for breath.

It doesn’t take long, for either of them. Afterward, Matthew feels shaky with overstimulation and a little hazy from coming so hard. His legs have stopped trembling, but he still wouldn’t trust them to hold him up.

“That was good,” Leon mumbles, very close to Matthew’s mouth. Matthew’s lips are buzzing, half-numb. The only upside to how chapped they get is no one will know that half the redness is from beard burn. He bites Leon’s lower lip in agreement, and relishes the snap of teeth that gets him in return.

He is pointedly not thinking about how normal [oooh we’re thinkin about normal again, but this is a different kind of normal — a normal he could create instead of the normal that’s expected of him] this could be: lying with Leon after sex, coming down together. Maybe even basking a little bit. Already, as the high wears off, dread is creeping back into his bones. He doesn’t want to think about that, either. He doesn’t want to drag himself into the shower and then lie here alone all night, drowning in his own thoughts, his whole body raw and tender to the touch.

He wants — who fucking knows. He wants to not feel guilty for feeling this good. He wants to have won the stupid game tonight.

Leon is clearly not plagued by such things. He trails his fingers through the mess on Matthew’s stomach, lightly over his spent cock, between his legs, and dips one fingertip inside him, meeting no resistance. Matthew jerks, swearing.

“You have practice tomorrow?” Leon asks, far too self-satisfied.

“I hate you so much right now,” Matthew says.

“Good,” Leon says, but his eyes are on Matthew’s mouth.

“Leon,” Matthew starts, but he has no idea which question to ask. What are we doing? What does this mean? They all feel like something out of a teen drama. Do you think doing this makes me a bad teammate? A bad captain? Leon wouldn’t care. Do you know I think about you every day? That I count down the days until we get to do this again? He can’t say that out loud. It’s all so stupid. This whole thing is ridiculous. Matthew pushes forward to press his lips to Leon’s again, and is wholly unprepared for the lazy, contented way Leon kisses him back. For how gently his hand comes to rest on Matthew’s waist. He smiles against Matthew’s mouth, and maybe it’s just one of his stupid smug smirks, but feels like one of those rare, real smiles. The kind he always tries to hide when it’s Matthew who’s causing it. [this is the most tragic moment of the story to me, because leon is SO happy. he’s so pleased. he really thinks they’ve finally figured this thing out and they’re really on the same page now and he cannot imagine that matthew’s about to kick him out again.]

Matthew’s lungs fill with panic again, and he jerks away, making himself sit up. He takes several breaths before looking back at Leon, who is still lying there, watching Matthew with a furrow between his brows. So much for his shower — he’s a mess from round two. His mouth is swollen. He’s not smiling now.

“I,” Matthew starts, but has to steel himself to get the whole sentence out. “I think you should go.”

Because he has hit Leon in the face before, Matthew knows exactly what he looks like when he’s been hit in the face. Which is way too close to what he looks like now.

“Are you kidding me?” Leon asks, pushing himself up, too. Matthew looks away. “No, fucking look at me.”

Matthew does not. He stares forward, at his dresser, where Leon’s blue Puma t-shirt is folded neatly. [~the t-shirt is a metaphor for leon’s presence in his life~] He has to swallow before his voice will work again.

“I mean, I don’t think I have another round in me,” he says. “So if we’re done here. You should probably go.”

There is an excruciating silence before the mattress shifts. Matthew flinches when he feels Leon’s body heat at his back, but the fight he’s braced for never comes. Instead, what he gets is Leon’s chest against his shoulder blades, Leon’s hand sliding around to span his throat. Lips soft behind his ear, then, with a sigh, pressed to the crook where neck meets shoulder.

Matthew closes his eyes. He wants the hand on his throat to tighten until he sees stars. Until all he can think about is the lack of oxygen.

Finally, Leon says, “Okay.” [as much as leon loves to squabble about petty things, he doesn’t like to fight about the big things. he thinks he’s made his feelings clear, and if matthew doesn’t want them or can’t handle them, he’s not going to embarrass himself by begging for more.]

He pulls away, and Matthew sits there, slumped in defeat, as he pulls on his clothing without bothering to clean himself up. Leon doesn’t look at Matthew, but Matthew can’t not look at the crescent-shaped fingernail marks in his back, or how the tips of his ears have turned redder than his well-kissed mouth. That awful, uncontrollable need-want that always comes with being near him surges up in Matthew’s chest again, except this time it has nothing to do with sex, and this time, for once in Matthew’s goddamn life, he pushes it down instead of letting it win. [there is a version of this story that i might have written as a younger writer where matthew lets it win, or leon is a little more stubborn about staying, or in some other way they get through this moment without the breakup, and the story more or less culminates here, but — obviously not, lmao. matthew has spent a lot of time wallowing but he has not his rock bottom yet, and for a satisfying character arc he needs to let fear win here so he can confront his issues without leon, have his dark night of the soul, and then make the decision to choose leon instead of just letting leon happen. so instead we got that one perfect high moment to give him something to fight his way back to once he gets to that point.]

Leon shrugs his coat on and stands there in the middle of Matthew’s bedroom, fully dressed except his shoes.

Matthew says, “Don’t forget your shirt.”

“Fuck the shirt,” Leon says, and leaves without it. [~the t-shirt is a metaphor part two~: leon never wanted it back in the first place, he wanted matthew to keep both it and him. he can’t force matthew to do the latter, but he sure as shit can leave the shirt and hope matthew feels like an ass whenever he sees it :)]

#ask #my fic #ratnovel #hockey for ts

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stormblessed95 · 2 years

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Memories 2021 Discs 1 - 3

So I asked again when I said I was going to watch memories in full if you would be interested in commentary from me as I did so. There were a lot of people who said yes, so here we are! I have officially watched BTS Memories of 2021. Here are my thoughts as I went. There were 7 DVDs in this one. Reminder that these aren't going to be smoothly written out thoughts. You get these like I'm live reacting, texting my bestie or live tweeting. Lol it'll be in like bullet point format sort of, just... a commentary post as I go. Lol Hope you enjoy anyway! Let's go!

Disc 1

BTS PTD On Stage in Seoul:

Track List:

1. On

2. Fire

3. Dope

4. DNA

5. Blue & Grey

6. Black Swan

7. BST

8. Fake Love

9. Life Goes On

10. Boy with Luv

11. Dynamite

12. Butter

13. Airplane Pt. 2

14. Baepsae

15. Disease

16. Telepathy

17. Stay

18. So What

19. I Need U

20. Save Me

21. Idol

22. Epilogue Young Forever

23. Spring Day

24. Permission to Dance

The whole first Disc and half of Disc 2 was just the concert. Which was their online concert in Seoul before they were able to go do their PTD Concerts in the US later that year. This concert was held on 211024. I'm honestly not going to talk about this too much as for memories I'd rather get to focus on all the making films and behinds, which is what yall are really wanting my thoughts over I'm sure. Lol but I love watching them perform. I remember watching this concert for the first time and all the timeline meltdowns over the stages. I love JK giggling so hard and something 2seok said to him that he could barely sing during life goes on too, as well as telling all his haters to f**k off this concert too! Love it 🤣 and I adored how Tae kept encouraging everyone saying they were doing a good job and the other 6 members kept checking on him and otherwise including him, even from afar at times in the parts they would normally do together that they couldn't since Tae was chair bound due to his knee injury. How they all gathered around Tae while singing Airplane pt 2 😭 I missed seeing him front and center with everyone else for sure. And their voices are so crystal clear and beautiful and lovely 😍

Disc 2

Seoul D-Day Making Film:

Everyone arrives to the venue VISIBLY NERVOUS. Ugh my babies. They are so cute. Everyone eating before the concert, staff providing some really yummy food. JK and Jin both sharing and joking a bit over not being able to sleep from nerves. JK ticking Jimin to get his attention and telling him that he the food looks delicious. Lol Post over that Here. And the shared smiles between everyone as they start shaking off nerves and sleepiness. Everyone's concern for Tae and wanting him to not push it and rest and get better during that first meeting. They love him. Jimin hugging on Hobi for warmth during the start of rehearsals. Cuties. Not even 5 minutes in and I'm going to start to cry!! Tae staring at the floor all sad during B&G rehearsals as he had to sit away from the group. Jimin singing for rehearsals while staring at Tae who is staring sadly at the floor and the captions telling us they were planning to sing this part while looking at each other and being next to each other originally 😭 my heart! Tae dancing lightly during sound heck regardless of his injury and afterwards when leaving the stage, JK running up to check on him and ask how he is feeling after all that. God, my heart can't handle all the affection and care they give each other. Jinkook randomly bickering over the Fire Performance lol and then Jimin showing up to sit with JK and review the songs/set. And boy do they sit close and practically on top of each other. And their super soft tones 🥺 Post Here. They are so cute for real. Hopekook joining the pre-show ARMY chat and talking with ARMY. Their giggles 😍 I love seeing it from their side too.

Everyone getting ready to go up on stage and Jimin lightly tapping Tae on the cheek in encouragement and everyone telling him to get better soon. Ugh. All this babying and loving on Tae makes me so happy. Cant forget about Jin choking Tae on stage during DNA lmao The editors making fun of us during a few clips of the Black Swan saying ARMY couldn't make up their minds about both wanting BTS to cover up but also unbutton more 🤣 Jimin walking off stage to get ready for the encore with Tae. I don't think they left this man alone once! And then Jimin again walking with Tae after the concert. Jimin offering to carry Tae since he is limping a bit and holding his hand and cheering him up and sticking by his side 😭 it really is so touching seeing how much they love and take care of each other. Jimin is such a good friend. Jin looked so cute walking out of the stadium in his little hair bow. And yoongi looked like a whole dream in his sweater!

Seoul Self Cam Interview:

This was cute little self cams where they each walked around the stadium and talked pre concert about how they are feeling, their worries and hopes for this concert and future concerts. As well as mostly just talking about how much they miss army and performing for army in person.

They also did a small interview based on the PTD lyrics that was really cute. Hobi said he avoids overeating, drinking and working out to prep for concert day. Tae answered that his favorite part would be the new intro for Butter and how much he liked it and how he thinks ARMY will love it (we did)! Yoongi saying they were hit with the wall of reality when it was realized for sure they couldn't have army at the concert and that it was hard. 🥺 JK saying that youth is a feeling and it's about the present moment. Jimin was called BTS's mood maker and said that On, Save Me and Idol reflected BTS's energy on stage together really well. Namjoon was the best leader and said that even though they've known each other forever and don't need to talk to know things about each other, it's always still important to keep talking and keeping telling each other I love you so that they make sure they always know it. Jin saying that Idol is his comfort song from the set list because it's upbeat and fun but also has meaningful lyrics.

Disc 3

PTD Merch and Poster Making Film:

They look so cute and stunning during their solo shoots! Hobi pretending to flatline during JKs photoshoot is so funny 🤣 he gets it. Lol the funniest quartet for a unit, taekooknamseok! JK couldn't play the prop drums on set so he and Tae instead obnoxiously drum on the table while waiting for photos 🤣 and Jimin with yoonjin who all randomly start reminiscing about BV1! They are so cute. Jimin, our little fairy, with the cutest poses on his solo shoot too. Lol the first shoot of the group photos we see and JK is smiling so big while everyone else is serious and his "oops" face as he notices and gives a more serious expression too is so cute! And not JK unbuttoned his shirt further for the next set of ot7 photos! 🤣

During the poster shooting when they are on a break and getting retouched up, Tae keeps reaching up past JK and Hobi to mess with Jimins hair or ear. Lmfao and the first time Jimin thought it was JK and the second time he turned around, realized it was Tae and tried to get around Hobi to go get him back 🤣 their giggles!! And Tae doesn't stop! Lol even DURING the photos he reached over to try and ruffle Jimins hair again 🤣🤣 Jinkook immediately play boxing and fighting as soon as they *think* the shoot is over lol just to have to get back into photo mode again. Staff asking Jin to please fold his arms for the photo. Jimin instead taking Jins hand to hold it in his own and Jin holding onto Hobis arm. All of them cracking themselves up 🤣 2seok giving ending comments of the video at the exact same time and being asked if they planned it. "No, we are just naturally in sync" 🥺😍 JK leaning over Yoonjins shoulders and Jin just holding onto JKs hand over his shoulder with both of his hands so cutely 😭🥰

PTD VCR Making Film:

Everyone shooting their individual mug shoot scenes and the editors just going "they aren't troublemakers. They are so cute." Relatable content 🤣 and then we of course just have Jimin handcuffing himself to Jungkook for fun. Post over the Handcuffs Here Lol and Hobi dying laughing when Jimin wiggles himself out of the handcuffs without even needing to open them! And when staff was telling Tae about the paperclip scene he looked so baby and innocent and then he actually did the scene and the vibe change 😳

We then moved on to the next VCR set with the Vmonkook unit! Lol Tae valiantly trying to teach Namjoon how to hold the pool stick so sweetly. And eventually the staff just taking the stick away from Joon and giving it to JK and saying that Joon can just drink something instead and taekook will play pool for the shoot 😅🤣 JK sliding across the pool table "like a seal" to get into position for all 3 of them to look over their "suspicious plans" and making Vmon laugh so hard when it's supposed to be a serious scene. Lmao they are so funny.

And we get the next subunit! Which is SopeJinMin and I love them. 2seok are the cutest with the tiny dancing together on the bench. I love them. The absolute chaotic dance party that they had. Lol and when reviewing the footage Jhopes absolute excitement and hype over Jimins shirt riding up when he was jumping around dancing. Telling him he should raise his arms up more so that his abs flash more often 🤣 Jimin saying that he untucked his shirt before the shoot so that we would get "accidental" ab flashes. I need him to chill!! Lol

Ot7 shooting at the PTD general store. Lol Jimin taking the paper towels from set to give to his mom 😭🤣 they are so sweet. Jhope and Jimin acting out a skit where Jhope buys Jin in a shopping cart 🤣🤣 lol and then JK coming out and seeing what's going on and taking over to violently spin the cart around like crazy with Jin in it. They are insane 🤣 and the little kids on set laughing so hard and thinking it's so fun so JK picks her up and spins her around in his arms a bunch too 😭😭 MY HEART to which Jimin comes to return the favor and scoops JK up and spins him too. Lol JK smiling so big 😍 He also then has JK get on his back and when Hobi asks JK how much he weighs lately, JK answers and says he has lost some weight recently, to which Jimin confirms saying that yes, he has been lighter lately. And JK then picks Jimin up too. Man, they HAVE to just be constantly picking each other up everywhere they go lol. Taekook and their new shoulder bump handshake they do before filming kicks off again is so cute. Jimin giving the little girl a balloon and touching her chin so cutely before giving a mischievous smirk over his shoulder at JK who tried really hard not to smile at how cute Jimin was being. God, they are all so cute and sweet and silly. Vmin hanging out and giving cute dancing tips to the little girl and then she dances with all 7 of them. She must've had the best day!! And I'm adding my post over some more of the jikookery moments in the VCR Making Film Here too.

PTD Practice Making Film:

I can't believe we are kicking this making film off with my yoonmin loves playing basketball together. What a good way to start practice!! My yoonmin basketball post. This was day 1 of ptd practice and it took place on 211012. We of course have dance leader Hope! And Hobi just trying to get everyone going and into position for the end of On, and we have taekook alternatively smacking/hanging off each other and off Hobi himself with Joon also trying to get them to chill. Only for Jin to grab JKs butt as they get into their line up 🤣🤣 the beautiful chaos. Hobi giving Yoongi instruction. Jimin in the background feeling up JKs abs just because he can lol JK started to yank Jin back and forth by the neck of his hoodie and Jimin retaliating for Jin by flicking JKs nipple 😂 JK wrestling Jin down and laying on the back of his head (like a tortured verison of their butter A lol) and everyone just ignoring their antics as per usual. IM NOT EVEN 2 MINUTES IN THIS VIDEO IS SO CHAOTIC! Everyone gets more serious for Black Swan though as it has a new intro. Hobi counting out the beat for them and then turning and clarifying the count with Jimin as for which one they move on. I love when we see our main dancers take charge and lean on each other like that. Vmin just giving each other a big hug during their fake love practice 🥺 JinKook fighting over who can make their hand go up higher during the ending pose lol. And then we have 3J discussing practice and concert logistics during the break and deciding what to do before they end practice for the day 🥺 Hobi leading practice for the new Butter intro and helping everyone make sure they nail the moves. When Jimin accidentally messes up his arm placements after they review the film of the practice, Jimin goes and curls up in JKs neck. Lol his safe place for sure 😍 My Post for that moment here. They work so hard. TaeJin dancing together so cutely!! Jimin getting caught by JK about to pour water over him when Jimin thought his eyes were closed 😂 JK then wearing and ending up napping on Jimins beanie and Tae waking him up in the cutest and most softest way. My Nap post here. Tae giving suggestions for a better stage and everyone praising him for his good ideas 🥺

The next day of practice is once again kicking off with yoonmin playing basketball together. I wonder if most of their practice sessions start off that way while they wait for everyone to either get there or be ready to get started. That would be really cute. Day 2 was the very next day and actually also Jimins BIRTHDAY! We know because his outfit (minus the hoodie he wore in the live) and accessories and hairstyle match up perfectly with when he went live for his birthday. So did JKs outfit match up. Suga always noticing Hobis cute acorn bags. 🥺 which led to trainee day memories of Suga having a similar bag and Tae kept taking it, which Jin then mentioned that Tae kept stealing his jacket back then too. Lol Poor Tae 😂 Jimin saving his soulmate by starting practice back up again for Black Swan 🤣 Chaos reigns during Stay Practice. Lol Yoongi dipped to just go shoot more hoops. Tae randomly finds and starts playing a trombone and Jin and JK take turns holding a mic up to make his playing louder in turn with their singing. Lol Jimin just dying laughing through it all. Jimin being shy about Save Me and starting it off solo and holding onto JK to try and make him stay with him. Lol which he ends up coming back to stay with Jimin! And teases him with the save me choreo, with Tae also joining them. The Save Me jokes will never die! Jimin also being the biggest Young Forever fanboy and looking like the happiest person ever cheering on Hobi during his verse 😍 JK lifting Jimin in the air and Jimin holding a pose while he sings and JK slowly spins him in the air like an angel. Lol please they are so cute 😭😍 It fit so well!!! Jimin being the angel he is on his birthday! Vhopemin jumping in a little mini dance circle is so cute. I love these practice films! My Post that covers more of the Jikookery from this Film.

PTD Rehearsal Making Film:

The video basically opens up with them all filming their solo shoots that will be their mirrors for Blue & Grey. And just unnecessarily showing us namkook working out in Black Swan outfits while waiting their turn 😅🤣 they get all wrapped up for rehearsals in the cold. Jimin decided he wanted to film Tae and chases him around the entire stadium filming him as Tae runs away 🤣 Hopekook loving the cold and dancing to stay warm. Yoongi once again pointing out Jhopes cute acorn bag 🥺 Tae comes and whispers something to JK with his mischievous smile and JK clearly didn't feel quite up to making trouble and Tae was all why notttt before checking something under his shirt and then moving on to go dance for Jin and Jimin. What was he wanting?! 🤣🤣 random cuts of Jikook dancing and goofing off together through the whole soundcheck are so cute. And of course, Jinkook boxing. Yoongi climbing up on the couch for BWL and the editors adding cat ears too him and captioning it like he climbing a cat tree 😭🤣 Jikook talking about Blue and Grey with the director and Jimin borrowing JKs mic to do so. And JK just sticking around, waiting for Jimin so they can leave together 🥺🥺 My Post over that Here. And Jin being so sad about something making his white jacket stained 😭 Jimin talking to cameras in the corner, with JK just chilling right there with them. Those two are stuck like glue always. Well, JK is there until he thinks Namjoon stole his shoes, then he is chasing Joon down yelling for his shoes back. They weren't his shoes though lmfao! Poor Joon. Wrongfully accused 😂 Jhope coordinating where they will pick up with rehearsals tomorrow with staff. He really does such a great job helping everyone stay focused and works so hard! It's amazing to see.

Day 2, dress rehearsal time! Jimin in his sleeveless tank for the first set, the staff were worried about him so he said one of the staff gave him his jacket to wear so he wouldn't catch a cold 🥺 and they show us Tae starting to limp and getting hurt. Nooooo 😭 god. Watching him hurt is so upsetting. The members go through more of the Rehersal while Tae leaves to go sit with the med team and get checked out. Everyone taking a break as soon as possible and immediately hustling over to go check on Tae. 😭 Jimin literally sticking to him and keeping a hand out for him when they are walking back to the stage to finish rehearsing even if Tae sits through the choreo. He is so upset and everyone is clearly worried for him too. Tae leaves to go to the ER and Jimin shouting to call them as soon as he is done 🥺 but they all continue through for the rest of the Rehersals. Jikook jumping off the couch at the end of BWL and going for a hug or light touch or something but we get cut straight into Dynamite without seeing their cuteness! Jimin was cutely snuggled up to Jin though for a bit on the couch! Joonie getting so distracted by dancing with Jimin to the Dynamite live band that he forgot his cue to go high five/trade center stage places with Jungkook and JK turns and was confused to not find RM 🤣 oops! Jimin does a weird pose on stage. Jin, no questions asked, just poses with him. The way these guys match each other's energy is my favorite thing. Lol jikook randomly rock paper scissorsing on the carts. And Hobi being the cutest cart driver. My favorite being their adorable weird came out of no where, matching each other's energy jumping conga line during Idol. Lmfao JK imitating Jimins spring day dance over and over and looking at Jimin every time to make him and everyone else laugh is so precious. Yoongi singing Tae's spring day parts since he isn't there 🥺😭 And then JK joining yoonmin for their back to back part, leaning on them both and then just hanging out tucked onto Jimins shoulder for a bit. He is so cute 🥺 the way Yoongi was making Jimin laugh by covering all of Vs parts! Jikook walking off stage together, arms around each other, loudly thanking everyone and everything for their hard work. Each other. The staff. The chairs. Even the moon! Lol and they also mentioned Tae who they were missing! They are so cute. Jimin giving his ending thoughts to the camera while holding his phone and texting Tae the whole time who was telling Jimin he had watched the rest of the rehearsals too. I love that they were in contact as soon as they could be. You know Jimin was worried as was everyone else! And adding my post at the end here about extra Jikookery during these Rehearsals. I love seeing how hard they all work for real!

And this brings me to the end of the first 3 discs of memories 2021 and the end to part 1 of my thoughts over memories 2021. Which is mostly about how much I love all 7 of these guys and how much I admire their passion for performance and how hard they all work. I'll be back soon with more of the discs in part 2! Thanks for letting me share!

#my thoughts over memories dvds #my thoughts over memories 2021 #jikook #kookmin

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littlekingbergara · 6 days

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Anyway no more about the situation what are your favorite albums of all time

super appreciate the plural bc i could nottt choose one. how about like ten. these are NOT in any order i just love them so much. also limiting myself to one per artist for your sake.

britney spears's ...baby one more time goddamn i LOVE this album. her voice is soo beautiful and the sound is the perfect late 90s/early 2000s bubblegum pop vibe mixed with some of the most heartfelt songs youve ever heard. gorgeous gorgeous record.

chappell roan's the rise and fall of a midwest princess... obviously. i really truly feel like this album will go down as one of the Greatest pop records in history and it's so deserved ALONG WITH chappell as one of the most iconic performers. like she Literally has everything. party bops and crazy heartbreaking ballads and it translates SO well to a live show. my next record purchase as soon as i can decide between the deluxe or regular and im leaning heavyyyy toward the deluxe.

the regrettes' further joy. i had this on repeat when it came out!!! no skips it's so boppy and fun and thoughtful dreamy... i love it. would give anything to hear it live again but my signed vinyl will have to do. this album is like the music version of this emoji 💖 im so serious.

the cab's symphony soldier. have you ever... listened to this album. for one it's beautiful and two it's SUCH a fun vibe you can't not sing and dance and have so much fun. also yes i'm a spn fan ok move on.

waterparks' fandom. uhh relevant djfhdjdh. but for real it's such a stark and strong commentary on what fandom Is and parasocial relationships and how it feels to be trapped in a box because your fanbase won't let you grow as an artist and what it is to be so accessible to the public to the point where you have no control over yourself or your image. i love her deeply she tickles my brain so nicely and makes me think.

fletcher's you ruined new york city for me. it's an ep ok maybe i'm cheating but she tells the story of a whole album. i listened to this when i got dumped in nyc 🤪 so dramatic lmao. but really it's such a vulnerable breakup album that does so much in five songs. mostly make me sad.

5sos's youngblood. yeah i'm here have you LISTENED to this album??? the SOUNDS on that thing!!! it's like just the right amount of poppy and grungy and mature like... they really did something there.

harry styles debut ... controversial? honestly my favorite harry album changes prob every other week but something about his self titled is really doing it for me right now. it's an incredible body of work that introduces us to Harry Styles himself outside of one direction. i'm begging for a rockier album in the future from him bc the tastes of it we get on this record show he would just nail it.

paramore's after laughter. i swear this album made me feel alive in a way i didn't know i could feel. it's such a departure from their past work but it's still so genuine and true and you can't tell whether you're happy or sad or both or neither it's just everything to a bitch like me who can't confront her emotions dead on. and so so pretty.

carly rae jepsen's emotion.. right? how could it not be. pop perfection and that's all there is to it. the first record i bought before i even had a turntable.

extremely honorable mention to 5sos's the feeling of falling upwards. i didnt officially include it bc it's a live album but i love it so much it's so beautiful.

#idk about No More lmao but i'll talk music!!#anon #music #💌

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alovelyburn · 1 year

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It’s an old ask and can’t find it rn but just imo grifflotte is miserable. Griffith, even with all of his power, is again in a way “forced” to use his body and charms to achieve his goal, something we see quite a lot happening in his youth and being his big issue. He has everything that should allow him to actually make his dream come true, but he still needs to pay a prize for it. I’m not saying it’s the same as Gennon, but the theme is always there. Charlotte being happy is also not the best? Like, I think it’s mostly narrative fault and the way women are presented in the story, but it is so sad. She is happy because she is manipulated into that happiness and lives through fantasy of some kind. And I hate how it can be interpreted as positive. And I do think theres a big chance we gonna see a child too, but I hate the idea of that kid inheriting Griffith kingdom and being destined to rule it, without the baggage (quite popular theory in normal side of the fandom) instead of an actual princess with good ideas who should already have much more growth tbh. It’s like her character ultimately gets turned into just incubator for the next cycle. Not the worst fate in berserk but I hate it so much. Women in berserk are better-ish than most characters we used to but that don’t make them good. But hey, that’s just me wanting more

All right, I think I get where you're coming from now. It's just not how my head works, so I had to kind of adjust my perspective a little. When someone says a relationship is miserable my assumption is that they mean the characters are miserable, but it seems more like commentary on the type of relationship it is. Sort of similar to the child/heir thing - less about the story supporting it than that you perhaps find the turn unsatisfying or undesirable from the perspective of what you'd rather see. I might still be off base, feel free to correct me. But yeah, I mean I'm not here to argue with people's preferences, it is what it is.

From my own perspective...

I do think Griffith pre-eclipse seemed to perceive his relationship with Charlotte as being in the same vein (not to the same degree) as his encounter with Gennon in the sense that he was once again "paying" for something he needed by trading his... body (and the performance of affection in Charlotte's case) for that thing. I think this is part of the reason for his post-coital breakdown with her - this sense that he had lost someone he loved and wanted and is now left with this person that he will always feel he is "selling" himself to on some level.

Honestly, even allowing the Godhand to destroy the remnants of his human flesh and carve his heart out in exchange for his ascension is in some ways just the extreme end of what he's always done: giving away pieces of himself in exchange for things he needs in order to accomplish his goals. Even the external sacrifice is described as needing to be something that is essentially so loved as to become a part of the person making the sacrifice.

"Take hold of the world in exchange for their own flesh and blood," as they say.

And I do think that is incredibly tragic - he's a tragic character. Absolutely. I'm just not sure whether that's something Griffith cares about at all post-eclipse due to the destruction and reconstruction of his emotional world.

Anyway, I'm of two minds about the whole thing because... I've written at some length about my frustration with Casca, the way her character is constructed and the motivations she's given. Yet, at the same time, if I think about what could/should happen with her character, I can only do that from the reality of what she is in the story rather than a hypothetical about what I would have made her or would have preferred her to be.

Plus my writer brain is stronger than my fan brain, so when I think about things like this I always think about them as being one of many moving parts within a narrative. So I think things like, if Charlotte were the sort of character to take over like a boss after her father passed away then the whole story about Griffith courting her so he can run a country makes no sense. That being the case, she's designed to be a person who doesn't do that because... that's just the role she has in the story.

All that said, and now I'm just continuing to talk about this grifflote child concept as though I'm invested in it and I just akjnakjnsd like I'm REALLY NOT I'm just thinking from a narrative perspective since it keeps coming up...

Let's say she has a kid, and then Griffith dies.

The kid would be like... an infant. So wouldn't she need to step up anyway?

ETA: And I have no idea what the mainstream western fandom is doing aside from performatively spitting fire every time Griffith's name is mentioned. Still, they can't be wrong all the time. Stopped clocks and all that.

#ask #anonymous #ariel talks about berserk #fandom has taught me that my approach to fiction is strange #but eh

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unloneliest · 1 year

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jam i have a question. who is eliot spencer... where is he from. what makes him ur number one blorbo and what do u understand abt him that no one else does <3

partridge thank you so much for this ask i need you to know you made my entire morning. eliot spencer is. my specialest guy my blorbo of all time i love him so so so so much. he's from the tv show leverage, which aired from 2008-2012* and isn't immune to the downfalls of that era of tv in general but that. honestly does a comparatively outstanding job to ME. it holds up and also the premise is "what if these extremely competent hot thieves ruined shitty rich people's lives and helped the people who'd been victimized by the rich people and created a found family together after all having various levels of sad backstory? and there was an ot3 made as canon as the showrunners could possibly make it in 2012?" i'm getting ahead of myself though.

*there's a sequel currently airing but i have yet to watch it & there's certain aspects about it that i refuse to accept as canon (this is a part of me being the most right about eliot)

i am putting this under the cut because. well. this got long

to start with context. having my brain rewired by supernatural and captain america: the winter soldier when i was a teenager is a huge factor in like. *waves hands vaguely* everything. when it comes to how i came to love leverage and eliot specifically. i got driven away from spn because (to simplify things) the showrunners hated the fans so bad and the characters were fighting the narrative but unable to escape it, and i loved the version of the characters that was actively being opposed by the show. and that was just plain not enjoyable for me. and marvel is marvel and continuity of emotional and interpersonal arcs doesn't matter at all to them.

and the thing is i took a sociology class in 2017 and it was making me so upset learning about white collar crime. and @canis-la-trans was like. we are watching leverage now. to remedy this. and i'd tried watching it with him before but this time around it just clicked. and the biggest part of what clicked is eliot. because listen. eliot is in somewhat of the same category as my earlier favorite characters but the thing about eliot spencer is that all of his best qualities are canon, not fanon. he redefines the category. he's incomprable. to me.

the thing about eliot spencer is he's the punchboy. he's the hitter. it's his job to get in the fights and protect the team. and he does his best to come across as grumpy, as not caring about people, does his best to fly under the radar as just another unintelligent lackey with a short temper who's particularly talented at violence.

but that's a performance. canonically that's a performance. and he has the best work/life separation of the whole team. he's not his job - he's very good at his job, and it's what he does and that is a part of him, but where some of the other characters view their job as an extension of their selfhood, eliot doesn't.

he cooks. he cooks so well that he could do that professionally. he grows all his own produce (allegedly). he's one of if not the best person on the team with kids. he loves so wholly so fast. he's the first person to call the team a we. within team dynamics he & sophie, the grifter, protect the other 2 from the worst of the team leader's dysfunction.

eliot's done bad things in the past. and he views himself completely past saving. like. from commentary on the show: he knows he's going to hell. like. his self worth is completely abysmal. i know he would die for the team. in s2e2 there's an episode where the team isn't succeeding at the con, and he takes the fall on purpose. and in a conversation about that he says "i'm not diving on a grenade. i'll be all right" but he says that so readily that i Know he's thought about it. and he would. for the team he would. for parker and hardison he would. he's in love with them. and they're in love with him too and i have to cut myself off or i'll go an entire separate rant about them!!!!

he has long hair. which he straightens. and he looks great with blood on his face. he doesn't use guns. he never throws the con for personal reasons - only ever does to protect kids. he grew up in rural oklahoma and he enlisted to get the hell out of dodge and he got in such a bad argument with his dad the night before he shipped out that he got disowned. and he can't even talk about it until nearly the end of the final season of the show. he never once mentions his mom. and i just know he got disowned for coming out, intentionally or not. he's never had an environment he could be his full self in without fear until the team.

parker, the thief of the team, is intentionally written as autistic; the hacker, hardison, is so likely written to have adhd. and eliot is autistic too, to me. it makes the level of performing masculinity to closet himself so much more insane to me. bc it's also masking. and adding that context to eliot and parker's relationship makes me unWELL.

the thing is is that eliot is a character who's hiding, who's actively doing his best to be unnoticed. and so many people who watch the show fall for the act, even if they don't fall for the whole act they fall for parts of it, and like. They Are Wrong About Him. i have an entire complex backstory thought up for eliot, because i think the only thing sadder than him missing out on the kind of connection he finds with the team is him knowing what he's missing because he had a queer best friend as a kid, & the two of them were closeted together, but he lost contact with her over the years.

the thing is that eliot spencer has SO MUCH GENDER and i know if he and parker and hardison adopted a kid eliot would be ma. never dad. and i don't think he'd even be able to start exploring that for himself until the end of the series.

the thing is eliot spencer would listen to the mountain goats. and there's a couple other people out there who are right about that and it makes me so insane 100% of the time.

and i love him and this is just a list of facts about him and the most important thing about eliot spencer to me is that. he exists in motion. trying to capture a still image or static description in words never works. but he's my wife and i love him so much. and i always will. and i'm writing a fic where i'm going to blow him up. just a little bit. for his own good. this is my "eliot made himself a mountain goats mix tape about knowing he's willing to jump on a bomb for parker and hardison & never telling them that in advance" playlist from that universe.

all of leverage is availible for free streaming on imdb tv & here are thee best leverage fanvids of all time:

youtube

& this last vid is abt the show in general, not just the ot3:

youtube

i would add all my fave eliot pics i have screenshotted but this is already so long . i still might rb and do that anyways he is Everything to me

#jam replies #boyjoan #this is 800 years long. i love eliot spencer so bad #the thing about leverage is that without even touching on eliot. this show went 'this autistic girl's special interest is stealing #& crime. why would you ever stop her from doing the stealing and crime' and they're so right for that.#parker isn't the pov character but she's the main character to me. nate is the narrator not the hero #literally though leverage has it all. fake dating. characters handcuffed together for an episode. episodes about historical crimes where #the actors play younger versions of characters from the past. murder mystery costume party where an actual murder happens that they have to #solve. baseball episode. 2 hockey episodes. eliot spencer sings and plays guitar with jo from supernatural. hardison makes their undercover #names dr. who references. there's a reference to the mcelroys. there's two episodes that tell the story of the same night 'off' from 2 #different points of view.#eliot is a horsegirl.#i cannot put into words how amazing this show is it loves the fans so much & it's so clever and so good at like. being a story. and #character & emotional continuity is one of the things they value so much. i love this show so bad #my leverage special interest and mountain goats special interest are kissing with tongue #OH and the show also did. an 'i need you' moment. leverage grave danger job handclasp ca:tws handclasp spn goodbye stranger #not mind control though. but like.#okay i'm posting this now #leverage posting

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johannestevans · 1 year

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A bunch of movies and some new fiction!

Good evening!

You can get these updates directly in your email inbox here.

So firstly, I dug into some self-examination the past few days and made a list of regular themes and character archetypes I play with across my body of work. It's not a complete list of everything I could possibly think of, but it's a lot to be getting on with.

So Predictable: A Big List includes examples of a whole lot of different themes and story tones and regularly recurring archetypes I use, and I'd really love to hear people's responses and takes! Any archetypes you think I've missed, or more you think I should add to certain lists? Any themes you think I regularly do that I haven't mentioned here?

This was a really fun exercise to do, especially because I've got such a large body of work and so many different characters, and while I realised I regularly do certain ones again and again, it was still different to see them all written down together.

A bunch of media recs this week, so let's go through them:

The History of Africa Podcast - I don't normally listen to podcasts as I struggle to concentrate on them, but I've been enjoying listening to some episodes of this! Obviously Africa is a massive continent with hundreds upon hundreds of disparate cultures and histories, but this cast is very upfront about that reality whilst also covering as much ground as possible in deep detail, and it's really fun.

The Kominsky Method (2018-2021) - These three series are Netflix originals, starring Alan Arkin and Michael Douglas, and are written and produced by Chuck Lorre, who was responsible for the likes of Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory, Mike and Molly, etc. For how mean-spirited a lot of these shows tend to be, I was really surprised by how deeply human this show is - there's a lot of self-examination and self-reflection going on where Lorre is explicitly exploring his own body of comedic work, and that makes a lot of sense given that this is largely a series about the grief and the difficulties that come with growing older and looking back on the legacies one leaves. A lot of this series has genuinely made me laugh, especially Alan Arkin's role as a crotchety old bastard to whom I unfortunately relate - it also feels like a very honest look at an older cishet white dude who is kind of doing his best to not be a piece of shit re: marginalised communities, but isn't very good at it, whether he's trying or not? It attempts at times to be "tongue-in-cheek" while making commentary about racism, antisemitism, homophobia, and other bigotries within the show - one thing that really stood out to me is that in the absolute first episode Michael Douglas is talking about whether an actor is a he, a she, and then looks at a white person with a short haircut and is like "they?" and they nod, and he's like, "a they" or something... And that person never has any dialogue for the rest of the show. Which is hilarious. In general, I would say that where most of the show is not hugely dickish (esp not in comparison to other Chuck Lorre shows), there's an ongoing theme of it attempting to grapple with nonbinary ideas, genderfluidity, neopronouns, and so on, including Morgan Freeman playing a nonbinary reboot of Doctor Quincy, and while it's not as bad as many shows and honestly doesn't come off as mean-spirited as most nonbinary references in a show, it's not great. Despite those aspects, I do still recommend it, and I actually really love his cast of acting students, those scenes are probably my favourites.

Red Eye (2005, dir. Wes Craven) - You know, I really fucking loved this movie, it's such a fun little flick - I love Rachel McAdams, I don't always like his roles but Cillian Murphy always gives an interesting performance, and like... So much works in such a tight and constrained space in this movie, the script is so fucking clean with such sharp performances, there's a bazooka... It's class. It's great.

The Founder (2016, dir. John Lee Hancock) - This movie was interesting, definitely took some turns I wouldn't ordinarily expect. It's really fucked up, honestly, and it takes how fucked up its story is and runs with it, paints everything in feel-good colours whilst being clear that it's not remotely feel-good in concept, and I really loved that juxtaposition. Michael Keaton often feels kind of false and oily in his roles anyway, and that comes off perfectly in this when he's meant to come off that way.

Also, I don't recommend Hope Springs (2012, dir. David Frankel) with Tommy Lee Jones, Steve Carrell, and Meryl Streep, and I don't recommend it, but I did review it here.

New Works Published

Fiction Short: The Ring

A young man misses his departed boyfriend.

Rated T, 5k, M/M. Tragedy and horror and ghosts in this one - note CWs for different kinds of domestic violence implied throughout, infidelity, death and references to suicide and self harm.

Read on Patreon / / Read on Medium

Erotic Short: Ridden Hard

A trans man is trapped between his boyfriend’s strap and a powerful vibrator.

1k, T4T M/M, rated E! Featuring a vibrating wand, rope bondage with the arms pinned behind the back, vaginal and anal, objectification, a smattering of dirty talk, multiple orgasms, and overstim.

Read on Patreon / / Read on Medium

Erotic Short: The Mermaid and the Fisherman

A wanderer meets a mermaid, and the two of them work to understand each other.

7.3k, rated E, M/M. A young man fleeing home has taken up residence in an old fishing cabin on the west coast of Scotland. He is observed, very closely, by a mermaid from beyond the maerl beds nearby.

Featuring cultural differences, humour, oviposition, cervix penetration, mild chem sex from the mermaid’s aphrodisiac, some rough sex, some mildly dubious consent, stuffing, belly bulge.

Read on Patreon / / Read on Medium

#musings #original fiction #the kominsky method #fantasy fiction

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snowlessknitter · 4 months

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The Masked Singer: S10 E12 — Finale Predictions

So, instead of doing a running commentary for tonight’s episode (which I’ll likely watch back on the TiVo at some point tonight as the Survivor 45 finale is also tonight), I’m going to recap who I think the Final 4 are and how I think they’ll finish.

Without further ado, here are my predictions and who I think they are.

Fourth Place: Donut 🍩

So, we saw a lot of clues like a bow and arrow, that he sang with Ray Charles, and we know that he is an older celebrity and a widower. This celebrity has been married three times, and although his most recent marriage lasted only around 4 years, his wife did pass away this year. This celebrity is also an accomplished country singer, having released nine studio albums, and was a co-founder of the Children’s Miracle Network (an organization that raises money for children’s hospitals across the United States and Canada).

Who is Donut 🍩?: John Schneider

Third Place 🥉: Sea Queen 🌊 👸

I honestly didn’t need clues to figure out who the Sea Queen is. I could tell just by the sound of her voice. The clues referenced her many acting projects in addition to her music career. Most notably, clues referred to Denzel Washington (whom she co-starred with in Training Day) and two clues referring to Tyler Perry (who adapted, produced, and directed the film For Colored Girls, which was adapted from a 1975 theatrical work by Ntozake Shange). I was a little surprised to see her reach the finale. Unfortunately, I don’t think her voice will quite stand up against Cow and Gazelle, but she should be proud of herself for getting to the Finale.

Who is Sea Queen 🌊 👸?: Macy Gray

Runner-Up 🥈: Gazelle 🦌

Like Donut 🍩, this celebrity is primarily known for her acting work more than for singing. The clues seem to suggest connections to Pretty Little Liars and the fact that her home state was Hawaii. I think I may have guessed Lucy Hale at one point, but later ruled her out because she’s not from Hawaii and also Gazelle mentioned that she was married. (Lucy Hale, as far as I know, is not married.) She’s got a pretty good voice, but I think the next celebrity has more overall stage presence and will probably be crowned the season 10 winner.

Who is Gazelle 🦌?: Janel Parrish

Winner 🏆: Cow 🐮

No surprise, I think Cow’s going to take the title. It took me a little time to match the clues to his voice, but ultimately I think I have an idea of who this celebrity is. Millennials like myself had this celebrity’s music as part of their teenage soundtrack, both from songs he performed himself and those he wrote for others (including, but not limited to, Beyoncé). Some of the clues referenced his upbringing in Las Vegas. This celebrity is known for his incredible stage presence and I wouldn’t be surprised if Cow won the whole thing.

Who is Cow 🐮?: Ne-Yo

#the masked singer #the masked singer season 10

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lansplaining · 1 year

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Why didn't the murder of Chang Ping cause more shockwaves? Someone murdered in the most cruel way possible the last surviving member of a dreadful case concerning Xue Yang (which JGY believes to be dead), a demonic cultivator (which might get Jiang Cheng's attention), who was presumably executed by the Chief Cultivator precisely for the crime of murdering said Chang clan (so Nie Huaisang may want to snuff out a bit to get dirt on him). Lan "goes where chaos is" Wangji is presumably out of the ice by then, so he might want to take a look as well.

And even after the "investigation" concluded the sword used for the crime was Shuanghua, wouldn't that still cause a lot of talking? The last male disciple of Baoshan Sanren became a dark evil overlord, and if Xiao Xingchen really is the man responsible for this snafu, they might as well start looking for him to make sure he won't cause trouble in the future!

It does seem to have been a pretty massive deal! But I guess there are a few factors here.

Chang Ping had already been pressured into recanting, which I think can't be overlooked as a factor that would have taken the pressure off, first because some people would probably just accept the recantation, and those who were suspicious of it would probably recognize that it happened because somebody pressured him in a very compelling way, and what if they decided to turn that pressure on anyone else who spoke out about the matter? There's also Chang Ping himself turning down the pressure (quote from the wiki, I think from the official translation): "What can I do aside from this? If I don't tolerate it, the rest of our clan's people wouldn't be safe for long. I'm really grateful, Daozhang, but… please don't help me anymore. Now, helping me would be harming me. I don't want the Yueyang Chang Clan to end yet."

So Chang Ping has deliberately turned attention away from the case by the time he's murdered, and presumably brushed off anyone who tried to raise it or help in the interim. Suspicious, obviously, and he doesn't even try to hide it! But see above-- what would happen to anyone else who tried to push?

The fact that it's supposedly Xiao Xingchen does seem like it should be compelling, and I actually do kind of like how the donghua frames the whole thing as this "what the hell, why did Xiao Xingchen murder somebody?" mystery at first. But the fact that he's this wandering rogue cultivator seems really key-- nobody knows where to find him, nobody is responsible for him, and now there's nobody alive to pressure anyone to do anything about it. And then he doesn't seem to cause any further problems, so it's easy to forget.

It's intended in large part, I'd argue, as commentary on the society at large: without someone as blunt and righteous as Nie Mingjue applying pressure, cases like this just... disappear. Xiao Xingchen took revenge on the guy who recanted his accusation on a murder XXC really stuck his neck out to uncover, seems a bit out of character, but oh well, people change. Seems like he got it out of his system, not our problem.

I do think documented Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze stan Lan Wangji of CQL could easily have gone to investigate, but it does seem like this may have been relatively recently after he left seclusion. And honestly one of my favorite performance moments in CQL is how even just talking about this whole situation clearly just makes Lan Wangji so, so sad. At the end of the day, maybe he was showing a bit of side of him that's more like Lan Xichen: he couldn't change it, so he just didn't want to know.

#ask answered

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orange-chair-of-doom · 1 year

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I watched all Velma (2023) HBO and it's bad.

Be careful (don't watch it, it's bad, but if you want to try (remember 🏴‍☠️ is the best option) SPOILERS AHEAD [tw images with gore, blood and vomit]:

I watched (with my personal streaming company called Arrr! Yo-oh-oh!) Velma hbo and I found it so unsatisfying.

tldr; show is garbage. Unfunny. Boring. Crass and Gross. The pacing is all over the place, they can't decide what they are (comedy, thriller, satire or sitcom) and it's bad. Dialogues are cringe and are AI generated from tweets around the internet. Characters have no grown, no evolution. They end as they started, also many more miserable than before, because of Velma. The show should be called "Performative Activism: Velma the Series".

This is the summary of the fucking show:

My first problem: Velma character

Like it ends how it started. The protagonist Velma is annoying, infuriating, piece of garbage, the most unsympathetic character I ever saw and I mean I grew up with my big brothers watching Simpons, Futurama and Family Guy, I know that there are character who are born to be hated...

But she is absolutely the worst, no redeeming quality. Even when the fucking show tried to make you feel sympathy for her (they try so damn hard) you just end up hating her even more. Seriously I have no idea how the manage to do that.

My biggest problem: The Pacing

The pacing is all over the place. They try to be funny and they fail, they try to be self aware and it's hideous (and if you don't die of cringe, you want to close the internet tab and never watch it again), I sincerely hope they weren't try to be a commentary of real life, because it's even worse than when they make meta joke.

One moment they are cracking an unfunny and raunchy joke, the other they try to be serious and make you care about the absolute shit show this characters are, the next they are back making a sexual joke or making fun of a cultural stereotype. It doesn't work.

I ended watching the last episodes wishing the killer succeeded and murdered every characters. The killer was right. Kill off every one, go ape shit, please, please, please kill Velma first and then the rest.

And, spoiler, they manage to make me hate even the killer and their fucking motives, because honestly? It was so in character for the show, but so damn boring and frankly unnecessary mean. The whole show is mean and I'm a fool, because I had hope that they could be more deep than just plain hate and mean spirit.

They say hate is the real thing that unify humans and, unfortunately, they are right, this is the case, they proved this with the Velma show, with the response of the public. People bond easily when they hate the same thing. Probably this the reason I wanted to be proven wrong, why I search so desperately a bit of people bonding on friendship, in a show born from hate and generally hated. What a fucking fool I am.

But alas my foolish dreams, the show is a mess. There is no evolution, things happen, people exist and never grow up. Everything happen and then it's forgotten, it would be cool in a sit-com, but here it's a serial, you need to make me feel a story. They tried to be too many genres at once and nothing works out.

They try to be a thriller and almost succeeded. The mistery at one point was the only thing I cared for. The characters could die and burn all, honestly. I just wanted to see what the hell was happening with the killer and their motives. But it all crush and burn, because the killer is just the same as all the other characters unfunny, uncanny, mean spirit.

And so I ask if the only thing that differentiate between the big bad of the season and Velma is that one (intentionally) killed more people than the other, what the actual fuck was the message? For who am I supposed to root for? The garbage or the stinker garbage?

They try to be a sitcom and it's fucking awful because the characters are so damn unlikable you don't want to watch what they are doing, you don't care about them, and if you are a little bitch like me, you just wish they fail and never show up on the screen. Also it doesn't work, because again they frame the story as a serial, so you don't have a real end at the end of the episode and the classic sitcom reset of the next episode (so that the characters un-progress and static personality make sense), you frame Velma as a long sitcom season, but it doesn't work. A single episode sitcom is not supposed to go on for ten episodes like Velma did. Also it's not funny, like at all. I can think of three (3!) funny jokes in ten episode of twenty minutes each and one of them was physical comedy in which (thank god!) they didn't talk.

They try parody (?) or satirical parody (?) I don't even know what they were supposedly trying to do. It was satirical? It was actual comedy? It was so unclear I didn't understand. I watched ten episodes and I still don't know if the "jokes" were actual satire of how people on twitter talk or if it were actual joke and the direct meaning was that. Frankly I'm too scared of knowing the answer now.

The whole thing was a mess.

The commedy (?)

Somebody tell the writers that when you write a character being mean to another and try to make it funny, the audience need to hate the character who is the bottom of the joke for some reasons.

Like Sophie. If you present a woman and her only fault is existing, marrying the protagonist's father (which he's also an asshole), having a baby and not being the perfect wife/girlfriend/nurturing woman, it's not a right reason to hate her and her baby and using them as punch ball for half season. It's not funny, you just watch in horror thinking you wish every one in the show die and burn.

Or having a character, Gigi, and her only reason of existing is being the alternative love interest of Norville, is not good. Just to be discarded as an used toy in the last two episodes with no explanation and no characterization (and I mean it, I didn't even recognized her because the only time she talks in the last two episodes is repeating somebody else) after you make me see her as a strong, independent, likable (and for this show is huge, I'm not exaggerating when saying nobody is likable) character. Are you fucking kidding me? Like that she never was a protagonist. For fuck sake, this show is not even coherent with itself. This is the last time we see her:

Edit: My bad writers made Gigi so fucking unnecessary I forgot there was another one appearance in the last episode. She is just a plot device, she has no soul. She defend Norville and say that Velma is a terrible friend and person. She is right, but how she said it was not really a character speaking, but a writer desperately trying to move the plot forward since we have 15 minutes left and multiple loose plot string and still no mystery solution in hand. This actually another way they try to mix teen drama and thriller and doesn't work at all.

(This is were my confusion as if this is satire or actual comedy exacerbate to stellar levels, because performative activism is such a twitter thing, but at the same time the whole show is performative activism with witty lines, it's like an AI writer modelled the whole reading only tweets. So I have no idea, was it to make you see the hypocrisy of the whole performative activism or am I using to much brain power and it's just a stupid and empty show? Logically I would say it's the second one, but I have this stupid hope to wish the best from people.)

The dialogue

Don't make me start with the dialogue. They don't seems real, they are just people on the internet with a maximum character for posts. Unfunny, mean spirit, no deep at all.

I am so fucking tired man.

The show ended as it started. Full circle.

Velma

Velma didn't change. She is a piece of garbage. She succeeded to have back is mum at the expenses of the happiness of ALL the people around her. She made so much apologizes and yet she never changed, never learn, they were all fake apology so the could get over it and help her to move the plot forward. I'm not exaggerating. Everyone is sad and miserable except her. Was it supposed to be a happy or satisfying ending? Because I have bad news for the fucking writers. She has her mum, she fucking lock her father, the woman he love and a new born baby half sister outside the house, framing it as a joke and not a fucking abusive action.

The summary of Velma's character:

She prefer being happy at the expensis of everyone else's and the weird thing is that the show doesn't frame it as negative, toxic and abusive, but as joke???

Norville

He is miserable, he lost his girlfriend (the only healthy relationship she could dream to have), his house is half demolished because of Velma, he cannot sleep because he feels guilty after killing a person because she was about to kill Velma and his dad just says: "Have you tried marjuana?" Cementing the sensation the fucking writers do not know how to write emotional scenes, healthy relationship and about mental health in general without ridicoulzing every subject to an unfunny level.

Daphne

Daphne is back as she was fighting to auto-regulate but this time a little bit healthier exercising fight with her mums. She has a toxic relationship with Velma (I have no fucking clue if they are still together romantically or not, I'm inclined to think they have broke up, because fucking Velma says the wrong name when confessing to her after the mystery is solved. I hope Daphne run the far away from any kind of relationship with Velma, bc she is a toxic, manipulative, piece of trash. Daphne deserves way better), still has no real friends because the popular girls are awful, Gigi has lost her characterization along the way of becoming not an accessory for Norville to have. So yes, that's the end of her character. Isn't been a strong and female character not enough to be a good written character?

Fred

Fred lost his mum, he's stupid and the punch ball. He had a evolution (with feminism and social activism) and than an involution in the last two episodes (he forgot everything, why? I have no idea, I think the writers just are bad at keeping tab of they own characters characterization, also this is part of the sitcom quirk tabula rasa after the episode ends, here does not work at all). His father is a moron and hates him, like a lot, like abusively lot (but here in this world it's just funny). He gets a van with should be the mistery machine, but it's just another nostalgic trope to be ridiculed and mistreated, because it funny? You get it? You get it? It's funny making fun of memorabilia from the original show. And even after all this somehow he is the one who is most grew??? How the fuck is possible? How? You understand my frustration?

Gigi is just a background character. Just like that. She has no more lines in the last episode. She just quietly disappear. I'm angry and relived because that was awful, but at least now the writers cannot make me hate her or ruin her beautiful character arc.

Velma's mum (Diya) should run while she can, because her daughter is awful human being. But in the ends she just laugh with her daughter at his ex-husband, his pattern and their new born baby lock outside the house. I'm not

Velma's dad with all his faults, because he's the same as Velma, like she has all his bad habits and jerkness, should also run and start a new family away from Velma.

That's it this is how it ends. She's screaming: "Happy Dance!"

I hoped they could get better, become similar to the franchise we all love, being a mystery gang with a very rocky start, but now I just hope they never ever get together and that next season will flop even harder than this one, burn and crash.

The fucking end.

Don't watch it. It's not worth it.

If you want to see the show with a commenter who makes everything more bearable I have to suggest this amazing youtuber:

Brittney Reacts

P.S. Don't harass anyone who likes it, do not harass the writer, do not harass Mindy Kaling. Just because this show is garbage you do not have to be the same

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canmom · 1 year

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NieR Automata Anime ep 4-5

Continuing commentary from [part 1] and [part 2-3].

The NieR Automata anime continues to be... really good actually! A really good companion piece to the game, and even if you encountered it in isolation you’d probably get quite a bit out of it. I am increasingly relieved I didn’t judge it solely on the first episode.

As before the focus on this commentary will be looking at how they adapted the game, how it relates to the broader NieR context, references (e.g. books being read by the characters), and also the cool stuff the anime does to take advantage of the new medium.

Episode 4

Episode 4 covers the Amusement Park area and the machine lifeform Simone, aka ボーヴォワール (Beauvoir) in Japanese.

This episode was delayed, with the rushed production of the anime as a whole unable to cope with a COVID outbreak. Given that it’s kind of crazy what an impressive action sequence they deliver.

The episode opens with Machine Lifeforms watching a play. In the game, if you return to the Amusement Park some time after defeating Simone, you can watch a group of machine lifeforms perform a play called ‘Romeos and Juliets’ which has to be seen, seriously...

youtube

In the anime, we open with a less absolutely destructive play, although a machine lifeform still gets stabbed. We see a machine couple with painted-on eyelashes holding each other... and behind them we see a crucified android.

...followed by a rapid montage of her and other androids decaying.

The setup is pretty clear: this is a horror one!

At the Resistance Camp, 2B and 9S are receiving their orders from Lily and Jackass. This serves as exposition that normal androids only drink water...

...and YoRHa androids don’t. (Because their Black Boxes come from Machine Lifeforms, but we don’t know that yet!)

They do a great job of distinguishing the body language of Lily (cool, reserved) and Jackass (excitable, broad motions) which wasn’t really possible in the game. Poking and prodding 9S, wiggling like a worm...

The YoRHa recap the previous episode, and Jackass speculates that with the machine lifeforms evolving this way, peace might yet be possible. As we’ll see, 9S’s genocidal streak is really emphasised in the anime; here, he refuses to accept anything other than total annihilation of the machines and foreshadows his ‘I’m going to kill every last one of them’ break from route C...

The Japanese is actually quite plain: すべてを、破壊するまだです。It is perfectly valid to translate to “every last one of them” and it fits the dramatic finality of 9S’s line, but you could also just put “all of them”.

Next up we have a scene of the Commander in the bunker. This calls back to the YoRHa stage play, where the Commander pleads to send reinforcement to the YoRHa test squad, and is flatly denied.

Visually, the “Council of Humanity” is here represented by a moon with a segment taken out, resembling an eyeball. It’s a cool visual!

And in closeups, we see a circuit board pattern, which kind of foreshadows that the Council of Humanity is not human at all...

The Council declares that Adam, Eve and other unique machine lifeforms are all part of the plan, and to continue to use the Resistance as decoys.

YoRHa’s plan is completely nuts honestly. Not surprisingly since it was concocted by a traumatised android shortly before he blew up, but seriously. The primary aim of YoRHa is propaganda, to motivate the resistance to fight harder to overcome the machines on behalf of a phantom humanity - but they treat that same resistance as worthless and disposable constantly so who’s even supposed to spread the legend of YoRHa? They sacrifice endless units to goofy experiments to try to find the most efficient personality types, even though they’re planning to sacrifice the whole army in the end. They spend a huge amount of resources on attempting to squash security leaks among the androids, such as the Executioner type units, but their base security is completely useless against the machines.

But that’s the point, right? YoRHa is irrational bc the huge forces that we are caught up in are just as irrational. And thinking of this as a purely rational military operation, rather than something happening for religious reasons, is a mistake.

After this, we lead into the main plot of the episode, with 2B and 9S on their way to investigate the Amusement Park region. Before that, however, they see a supply launch to the moon; further foreshadowing.

Later, 9S will discover that the shipments to the moon contain only water, indicating that the moon is only populated by androids and there are no real humans. So the beginning of this episode has all been setup.

We get a message from from the crucified android. “Ah, what a beautiful stage...” - setup to the dichotomy of beauty and death that is going to be the theme explored in the rest of this episode.

Like in the game, the route to the Amusement Park from the City Ruins passes through a sewer. We get a brief montage of painted scenes from the game, including the rabbit boss...

...and the rollercoaster...

But we’re not going to dwell very long in the Amusement Park before going straight to the stage.

A Beautiful Song begins in a music box version, and we see the machine lifeforms from the play earlier professing love. Pod 153 explains the concept of the theatre to a dismissive 9S; then the players explode and Simone enters.

The outset of the fight is fairly close to the game, although there’s some small differences.

Like with the Engels fight, Simone is a 3D model, while 2B and 9S are 2D animated into a 3D scene with 2D effects animation. The CGI still doesn’t look great, but broadly it’s executed much better here. There’s some seriously impressive mobile camerawork.

In the game, you don’t get much of a sense of what Simone’s deal is in your first playthrough as 2B, but then as 9S you get visions of her motivation. She wants another machine, named after Jean-Paul Sartre and goes to increasing lengths to ‘become beautiful’ - returning to a constant refrain of ‘he won’t look my way’. (In real life, Sartre and de Beauvoir had a polyamorous relationship; Sartre was the one jealous. I gotta actually read de Beauvoir to get a better sense of what NieR is riffing on, if it is).

In the anime, the emphasis is less on Sartre, although we do see him...

The flayed, still-living androids on posts come in to open what will be a parade of ero-guro imagery...

Things really get going with dat psychosexual imagery, though, once 9S hacks into de Beauvoir. As we’ve seen, the anime presents hacking as a kind of full-immersion VR where 9S dives into the memories of the hacking target. Inside de Beauvoir, he first finds a huge space full of images of feminised machine lifeforms, the plates shattering as he walks past...

The hacking space is indicated by letterboxing a cinematic 2.39:1 aspect ratio.

He finds a mirror and then is confronted by an array of photos of the same machine in a red dress and various kinds of makeup. The floor transforms into a huge made up face.

9S shatters it with his sword. Outside the hacking dimension, 2B is holding him in a pietà pose. Simone explodes her dress and goes into bitey girldick mode.

Back in hacking space, 9S finds himself in a misty swamp containing a giant statue of an indifferent Sartre. With a Dutch angle to make it look extra big.

A representation of Simone with smudged makeup shows up in a wedding dress.

9S stabs her, she turns to sludge, arms drag him underwater, and he finds himself arm-bondaged to a wall in a bedroom full of discarded dummy/doll parts.

Simone, here a generic Small Stubby, discards parts until giving up in frustration, with scribbles all over her face, and comes to 9S where she starts trying to rip off his arm.

Abruptly she is pulled into a giant metal mouth. (Check out those bendy smears!) A match cut identifies this mouth with the big girldick dentata menacing 2B.

In the hacking world, a huge grinding wheel appears inside the mouth, reminiscent of Marx. Simone now stumbles blindly around the fight arena, bouncing off the walls. 2B orders Pod 042 to let her hack, despite the risk of a B unit attempting hacking.

Given how coldly she has treated (this incarnation of!) 9S until now, this might underline that there’s more going on with her feelings about him. If the first episode didn’t massively tip its hand there lol. Anyway, she arrives just in the nick of time to save 9S from getting ground up.

...kinda Utena-like framing there maybe?

This prompts Simone to charge atop the spinning wheel, giving 9S an opening to throw his sword into her face. The effect of this is to explode the metal covering.

The inner structure of her head suggests that 9S has actually smashed the teeth as well and gone straight into her throat with his sword. Hmm. HMMMMMMMMM. Yeah ok.

This gives 2B and 9S an opening to destroy Simone’s core with the pod laser. We get a final shot of her catching the attention of Sartre at last...

We see Simone’s core disintegrate - further setup for the eventual reveal that YoRHa Black Boxes are built from Machine Cores.

After the battle, the two machines from the opening come in to see the play and give flowers to Simone, one of them referring to her as ‘mum’! Suggesting that maybe Simone and Sartre went further in their relationship and adopted some Stubbies as kids in this version? 9S tramples the roses to mercilessly cut them down.

The puppet show this time is pretty brief and the ‘ending’ is basically that the commander pushes the bunker crew too hard.

So, to comment on this episode: in the game, the Simone fight is extremely cool - bringing to mind the Intoner fights in Drakengard 3, but considerably better executed! - but ultimately you just defeat Simone the same way you would defeat any normal enemy. If you hack her as 9S, I don’t believe you get any special hacking zones.

Here, they’re going all Silent Hill with the sexual imagery. I’m still not entirely sure what I make of the whole Simone episode of NieR Automata. There’s definitely something of the transfeminine monster angle in the whole ‘massive bitey schlong’ thing, the “Buffalo Bill” pursuit of feminine beauty by destroying someone else’s body (in this case, the androids that Simone uses as adornment). They’re mixing together a whole lot of images here: we already had the stage itself, gibbeted corpses, Wagnerian opera, the usual YoRHa doll imagery; now we can add the big juicy mouth stuff and a bit of bondage too. The Machine Lifeforms are generally trying to explore different ways of being human, and Simone represents insecure vanity leading to an obsession with aesthetics that can never really be satisfied. But there’s a reason ‘unrequited feelings’ is such an enduring subject for stories.

In the game, when you defeat Simone, there isn’t much of an immediate followup. The final scene with 9S killing the two childlike machines is a good one for setting up the later developments, and also for creating more of a contrast between the affects of the two MCs. 9S is interesting because he has much more access than nearly anyone to the inner lives of the machines, but also he is one of the most insistent that the machines don’t have real subjectivity, and they’re playing that up here in the anime.

Episode 5

Now we get Adam and Eve for real! In this episode we get a couple of their rooftop scenes from the game. The anime has more room for character animation, to express Eve’s fidgety boredom.

We see a lot of books in this episode. In the first scene, Adam is reading Being and Nothingness, by Sartre. Later, in Pascal’s village, we see his bookshelf contains Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice and five volumes of Republic, presumably Plato’s.

In the final scene of Adam and Eve, Eve is grumbling about having to read a book titled Natural History, possibly the one by Pliny the Elder. Adam is reading a book titled Vice Amply Rewarded, which is the subtitle of the novel Juliette by the Marquis de Sade.

OK, the plot of the episode proper! This one’s kinda great! We finally get the introduction of Pascal and the pacifist village, but rather than simply reprise the game, we add some cool new elements...

We open with 2B and 9S making their way across the ravine to the department store.

They changed the geography a bit here. In the game, you meet the pacifist machines right after defeating Simone, and their area can be accessed by a series of bridges from the Amusement Park; later it connects to the City Ruins and the Forest zones. The department store is very small, and it’s a route to the forest zone, but it is notably where you first meet Emil, who bursts out of the inside of a Machine Lifeform’s head which really underlines the similarity. It’s also where Emil made his underground monument to Kainé, full of Lunar Tears, where 2B will eventually be buried. But the above ground part of it is pretty barebones, just a large room.

9S excitedly picks over toothbrushes, plates, pans and even a PS4 - the first platform that NieR Automata was released on.

He asks 2B to call him ‘Nines’, but she refuses. (She knows she’ll have to kill this 9S eventually, and she’s trying not to get attached.)

The department store is much larger in the anime...

9S explains how he wants to go shopping with 2B and buy her a T-shirt after the war. His body language is really cute. 2B shuts him down with the usual ‘emotions are prohibited’.

They meet the Machine Lifeform village, where they’re all waving white flags. The Machine Lifeforms in the village are a mix of 2D animation and cel-shaded CG, and the first half of the episode is 9S getting over his skepticism that there could be peaceful machine lifeforms disconnected from the network, and deciding to try to learn more about them.

One interesting difference from the game is that here, the Stubbies actually come in a variety of sizes...

...cementing the roleplaying of ‘parents’ and ‘children’ in the village. We see various machines in outfits either painted on or made out of scraps of cloth; there’s a couple of cameos of sidequest characters from the games, notably the pair of sisters with pink and blue bows:

Sadly the part of the dynamic where the Medium Stubby was the big sister and the Large Stubby was the younger sister seems to have been dropped.

After this montage, things diverge from the game in a really interesting way. 2B and 9S see a ravine by the edge of the village, and descend, where they find...

...a tree with an Emil in it! 9S determines he can hack this Emil because something something radio waves, and dives in to find memories of NieR Replicant while Emil (Sacrifice) plays:

The desert outside Facade.

The garden in the Shadowlord’s ‘castle’, the last thing the gang saw before Devola and Popola’s betrayal.

Devola and Popola’s library, with the roof broken open by the Shadowlord’s attack; a highly traumatic location for Emil since this is where he was forced to use his power to turn Kainé to stone to protect the village.

Kainé and Grimoire Weiss; likely the scene where Kainé was revived after the time skip. Kainé acknowledged Emil immediately despite his changed form.

Devola and Popola in the library, their faces obscured, representing their deceit. The one time Emil entered this office, they told him and Kainé to sleep outside the village.

Nier himself, taking care of Yonah. Not entirely clear when Emil would have seen this!

Emil forcibly discconects 9S, but 9S pulls up some data about him.

This is very different to what happens in the game, where 2B and 9S don’t have the first clue what Emil is and almost attack him on their first meeting! The pane on the left shows Emil’s mansion and the fountain which conceals the entrance to the hidden lab; the pane in the middle shows the multiple-Emil head form he adopts during the optional battle in the desert before changing to Halua chained up underground; the pane on the right shows Emil and Halua in their human forms before the evil child experiments. 9S refers to Emil as a weapon, an ‘it’.

At that point Pascal arrives and explains the pacifist village worship Emil(!) and that’s why Pascal stopped fighting. We get a flashback which uses a high contrast saturated colour scheme reminiscent of Takashi Koike, one of the coolest sequences in the whole anime.

Just like P-chan/Beepy did when rising from the mountain, Emil says one word: 生きて (live!) The magical force of this command causes Pascal to awaken. We get to see an older version of the Machine Lifeform army, where the fundamental modular unit is a Pascal-like chassis:

Pascal is given the ability to fear death. And he’s terrified by his indifference to the lives of his comrades. だから。。。

...he becomes a pacifist, and founds the village.

As Pascal is pulled back to the other machines, one of whom has found a music box (from an earlier sidequest at the resistance camp... I have so much useful knowledge in my brain lmao), 9S retreats to a nearby rooftop and derides them as selfish as it starts raining in a big old pathetic fallacy moment.

He says separating from the network and yet forming a village is a contradiction. 2B and pod 153 reply that it is impossible to live alone. 9S’s vision flickers with a glitch, showing the department store briefly...

He awkwardly tries to cover for it by making a kinda childishly flirty comment towards 2B - one that underlines the distance that still exists between them and 9S’s sense of loneliness. 2B gets it and instructs Pod 042 to mark the department store so that one day in the future, they really might go shopping there...

But we end the scene in an indirect mirror shot of 2B looking after him with a grim expression.

She knows that isn’t happening. (Don’t think too hard about the perspective of this shot lmao.)

As 2B and 9S return to the village, they see one of the machine children trying to keep the music box to itself...

Pascal is hopelessly ill-equipped to stop the conflict and the children fight; inevitably the music-box is broken.

The androids observe that, even in the pacifist village where there is no war against the androids, conflicts still break out just due to conflicting interests. 9S almost intervenes, but is interrupted by a message from Operator 21O.

Finally we have the last scene with Adam and Eve.

The post-credits puppet show omake scene depicts the effect of the self-destruct input, which causes 9S’s shorts and 2B’s skirt to get blown up ingame. This leads to sexy illustrations of both androids...

Unfortunately Emil gets the same idea.

We get ending Y from the game, where Emil kills everyone on Earth. I think this would be incomprehensible if you haven’t done Emil’s mission in the game.

All in all, a really cool episode. I loved the style of Pascal’s flashback and it’s cool to flesh out his character a bit more. Creating a connection between Emil and the pacifist machines is fascinating. The game definitely intimates towards a connection between Emil and the Machine Lifeforms from the moment Emil is introduced, and given that Emil was fighting the aliens, it seems very likely that they built the Machine Lifeforms in his image. But I don’t know of anywhere this is actually spelled out explicitly (and it’s kind of contradicted if the old model of Machine Lifeform looked like Pascal). Still, if that was true... in a sense you could even say the Machine Lifeforms give Emil - the last surviving human, permanently kept in this child state by his magical immortality - a way of growing up!

Also it’s nice to see anime Kainé lol.

I had a lot of doubts about this adaptation at first, and the conditions it’s being made in are pretty dire honestly, but despite all that, they are genuinely managing to add something that makes the adaptation a worthwhile addition. They’re being reasonably judicious with the action, which lets it be really flashy when they do show it; I’m really looking forward to seeing what they do with characters like Gruen and the Forest Kingdom later. Most importantly, they seem to be getting the tone right.

If we’re up to episode 5 and we’ve only just met Pascal, I can only assume they won’t cover the entire game in this one anime. I suspect they’ll probably just take it up to the end of Route A/B - at least, I hope they don’t try to cram the whole of Route C into a couple of episodes.

Anyway, really glad this is turning out to be good after all. I still need to write up NieR Automata on my NieR guide pages and I’ll definitely be including this anime when I do.

#nier automata #nier automata ver 1.1a #anime #nier #nier automata anime #nier automata spoilers #computer games

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