#honestly i just hope theyd stop nothing they do will ever be better than the original series

[knightzp]

omg did you see there's gonna be a cgi winx reboot next year it looks so ugly and bad.. can't they just let my girls rest we need to stop these endless reboots and spinoffs

theyre doing WHAT

oh my god i just looked it up and

what did they do to our girls...... first that awful netflix series that was absolutely NOTHING like them and now this?????? can they just leave them alone fr

[hannieehaee]

18 + / mdi

content: boyfriend!mingyu & bf'sbestfriend!wonwoo, smut, afab reader, cucking (idk if this is the right term honestly), penetrative sex, mentions of oral, pov switches to wonwoo's pov like three paragraphs in, this is mostly wonwoo x reader ngl, etc.

part 2

wc: 3343

a/n: this is a continuation to mingyu's part of this reaction !!

masterlist

you'd known wonwoo for a good while now. being mingyu's girlfriend for over a year, you'd grown used to the company of his roommate, who was usually around whenever you'd go visit mingyu at their shared apartment.

it was easy to get along with wonwoo. he was an easy-going guy and also easy on the eyes, and just overall likable. you liked to think that the feeling was mutual, wanting to get along well with mingyu's best friend. you'd occasionally hang out one on one whenever you'd incidentally arrive to mingyu's apartment early, only to be let in by wonwoo. he was a gentleman, so he'd entertain you during mingyu's absence, telling you stories about the boy and at some points discussing shared interests with you.

what you didnt know was that wonwoo did like you. more than you wouldve hoped, actually.

wonwoo had known you for as long as mingyu, having been there when the two of you first met. the three of you had started off as simple acquaintances, up until mingyu decided he just had to have you, thus making you his. wonwoo had been happy for his friend, knowing mingyu to be a hopeless romantic at heart. yes, he admits, he mightve been attracted to you when you first met, but he quickly got over it upon finding out his best friend had a crush on you, even encouraging him to ask you out. having you in his immediate life proved to be interesting. it turned out that you two had a lot in common, with your personalities even aligning perfectly. that mightve explained why he was mingyu's best friend and you his best friend's girlfriend. mingyu clearly had a type.

over time, as wonwoo got to know you better, his long-gone crush seemed to want to make a comeback. what had previously been just physical attraction had turned into something more upon getting to know you. nothing ever happened to trigger his feelings, but there was only so much of your constant proximity that he could handle before his feelings resurfaced. which is where he now found himself. crushing on his best friend's pretty girlfriend, forced to occasionally join in on your dates as the perpetual third wheel.

despite any of his unreasonable emotions, he knew the feeling was not mutual, and more than that, he would never do that to his best friend. so, he did what any reasonable person would do and shoved his feelings deep within him, internally slapping himself any time his head went places it shouldn't. but that could only last so long.

it was a regular day. wonwoo had gone to the company, done his usual idol business and come back, now awaiting mingyu's arrival. except wonwoo was met with your presence instead. wonwoo had been expecting mingyu, remembering that he had told the boy about a movie they should watch together as soon as they had some extra down time. that day being today, now that they were finally back from promotions in japan and could go back to their regular schedules. he opened the door after hearing a few knocks, assuming mingyu mightve misplaced his keys again. except he was not met with his six foot tall friend upon opening the door, but instead you. it had been a while since he'd seen you. hell, it had probably been a while since mingyu had seen you. theyd just been so busy lately. he let you in, muttering a quick 'hello', avoiding eye contact a bit and stepping aside to allow you in. before he could close the door back up, you stopped him.

"oh, wait. gyu's coming up. he got us food for the movie!"

oh. had mingyu asked you to join?

his face mustve told on him, since you spoke up again almost immediately.

"is it okay im here? i can go, i know you guys are tired, i-"

the last thing he wanted you to feel was unwelcome. his stupid crush shouldnt get in the way of what was now a friendship between the two of you.

"no! stay, please. do you guys want privacy? we just came back, you must wa-"

this time you interrupted him. "no, not at all! stay, please. i love hanging out with you, nonu, you know that."

calling him by a cute nickname was not helping this for wonwoo, nor was the pretty smile you were throwing him. but he'd have to sit through an entire movie night like this, he realized.

the following thirty or so minutes went the way you'd imagine. mingyu had arrived soon after, with way too much food for three people and prepared the perfect setting for an enjoyable night between the three. wonwoo could tell his friend was beaming at the thought of finally spending a relaxing night with his two favorite people. this made him feel guilty, but he had to admit, he felt the same giddyness at the concept. in logical fashion, you and mingyu sat next to each other, slightly cuddled up while wonwoo sat on the smaller couch right next to the two of you. the three of you watched the movie for a little while, only ever speaking up every once in a while to comment on the movie. things went like this until mingyu suddenly spoke up, clapping his hands as if he suddenly remembered something.

"won! i almost forgot!", he paused the movie, sitting up from leaning against you, "i told y/n id show her the pictures we took in japan, come here!", his friend seemed so overly excited at the idea, almost vibrating as be waited for wonwoo to come sit next to him.

wonwoo made the mistake of moving his eyes a little to the left while looking at his friend, only to catch your expectant gaze as you also waited for him to close the distance. but it was enough to get him to get up and take a close seat next to mingyu, making the tall man the only separation between you and him.

mingyu had already pulled out his phone, scrolling through his gallery and stopping every few seconds to explain where the picture was, who took it and why they had edited it the way they did. he explained every minor detail while you looked at him, full attention on him. wonwoo liked that about you. it was something you did when speaking to him too. you'd always show full interest, even sharing a passion for photography and editing as he did. there had been occasions in which wonwoo himself had shown you his photography, only to be always met with praise and genuine curiosity at his skill.

they both explained the pictures, with mingyu holding the phone at an angle where both you and wonwoo could see the screen perfectly. mingyu had full control of the phone, not thinking much as he stopped by every single picture and made a few comments, allowing space each time for wonwoo's own commentary and your praise of their skills. it was a heartwarming moment for wonwoo, really. until it turned into a moment that warmed something else in him.

mingyu, in his overexcited state, was clearly not thinking much of it as he swiped picture after picture, not realizing that if he scrolled too far, he'd end up where he was now.

it was a picture of you. a very pretty picture, if wonwoo had anything to say about it. you were laying in what he could only assume to be mingyu's bed, shirt off and very very cute sheer panties covering your lower half. your face wasnt in it, only your lips. but your body was practically on full display. wonwoo had to commend you for your artistic eye. that picture could cause any man to swim across the pacific ocean just to see the contents of it in the flesh. or at least thats how wonwoo felt in that moment. time felt frozen as he stared at the image. silence had filled the room as none of you reacted. until mingyu finally unfroze, locking his phone and throwing it on the table, cursing loudly at his mistake. but the damage had been done.

wonwoo felt ashamed at his current state. he couldnt look up, only staring down at his lap as he thought of the image that was now imprinted in mind. why did he have to see that? his crush on you was already getting out of hand. there was no way be could ever look you in the eye again. but his brain, once more, betrayed him. he looked up slowly, instantly meeting your gaze. you looked as flustered as he felt, eyes widened and cheeks flushed. fuck. your face reminded him of one he had seem before. a few months back when he'd accidentally bumped into you after what he couldve only assumed to be a night well-spent with his best friend, same flushed cheeks and widened eyes, except this time you were missing the disheveled look you had carried that time.

you and wonwoo seemed unable to break eye contact, with both your gazes becoming heavier by the second. what had felt to wonwoo like minutes of agony staring into your eyes were only a few seconds to mingyu, who immediately spoke up after having thrown his phone on the table.

"baby, i'm so fucking sorry, i-" he had turned his body towards you, emphasizing how badly he felt at the position he put you under, but your eyes hadnt left wonwoo's, nor had his left yours.

you interrupted him, only breaking eye contact with wonwoo for a few seconds. "it's okay, gyu," your eyes now facing wonwoo again, "right, nonu?", your voice was sultry, only tightening up his pants even more than the initial shock of the image had.

"y-yeah."

mingyu seemed to catch on quickly after that, almost as if he'd been expecting this. he turned to his friend, still not 100% certain, "wonwoo. are you sure?"

there had been nothing wonwoo had ever been more sure about it. he broke eye contact with you for the first time in the past minute and responded, "yes."

~

"there's gonna be rules, okay?"

the three of you were now in mingyu's (and practically your) room, still fully clothed but all on the bed, already completely out of breath from the mere thought of what was about to happen. wonwoo felt like an animal. he felt himself have to put physical effort into holding back from jumping you. the way you'd been looking at him for the past while had him going insane, knowing now that the feeling was mutual.

"what are the rules?", wonwoo's eyes were still on you.

"any-" mingyu was about to speak when you interrupted him, still holding onto wonwoo's full attention.

"anything goes, except no marks and you have to be willing to share me. gyu's a bit possessive, right baby?", you stated matter-of-factly, almost in a rehearsed manner.

"wait. you've discussed this before?"

mingyu neared you, beginning to undress you from behind, giving wonwoo the perfect view of your clothing disappearing. 'we have. you're not exactly subtle, hyung.'

what? had you two known about his crush on you this whole time? he was so sure he'd kept it at bay almost expertly. had he just been embarrassing himself this whole time?

"its okay, nonu. we've discussed this. we're okay with it if you are. right, gyu?", you looked over your shoulder at the man who had now removed your shirt and shorts, leaving you in panties and a bra, much to wonwoo's dismay.

"i- are you sure? what does this mean? you-"

"hyung, dont over think it. you want her, dont you? you're my best friend, im willing to share."

well, what kind of fool would argue with that logic?

wonwoo decided to take advantage of the opportunity while it was there, approaching you as mingyu stepped aside, undressing his own self as he watched you and wonwoo.

wonwoo was entirely unsure of himself, not knowing how or where to begin. luckily for him, you seemed to take pity on him, grabbing his arms and placing them on your waist, pulling him closer to you.

"you dont have to be nervous. i want you too," you smiled sweetly at him, lifting his chin so he would look at you.

the proximity made him heat up, almost forgetting his friend, who had now sat down on the bed, perfect angle to watch him and you.

you leaned up slowly, lightly placing your lips on wonwoo's in a sweet peck. wonwoo sighed against your lips at this, letting his shoulders fall from their rigid posture and leaning against you, opening his lips a bit. you took advantage of this, meekly slipping your tongue inside his mouth as he tightened his hands around your waist, allowing his own tongue to play with yours.

kissing you was something he had imagined before; never too vividly out of respect for his best friend, but it was something he had wanted to do, never thinking he'd actually get to.

you and him kissed softly for a while, until you seemed to grow frustrated at the light kisses and began to incite him for more. your kissing became rougher, nibbling at his lower lip and sucking at his tongue, rendering him lightheaded. he moaned against your mouth, beginning to match your pase. he moaned even louder the moment he felt your hands guide his own to your breasts, which were now bare. when had you taken your bra off ..? it didn't matter, really. now he could feel the pebbles on your chest against his palms, pinching at them as you mewled softly into bis mouth. all that could be heard was the smacking of your mouths, along with the soft breaths you kept taking against each other, utterly pleased at the feeling of the softness of the other's lips.

until mingyu interrupted.

suddenly soft moaning could be heard from beside them. wonwoo reluctantly pulled away from you, looking to the side, only to find his best friend with his eyes closed, head thrown back as he had his hand under his boxers, clearly getting off at the sounds of the two of you. you didnt stop kissing wonwoo in the meantime, insistent on licking and biting softly against his neck. the softness of your touches was making wonwoo go insane. he was no longer himself, but more of a shell of what used to be, wanting to give you all control of his pleasure. which he did.

he allowed you to undress him slowly, running your hands slowly up and down his chest, kissing at him every time you uncovered a new bit of skin. you bit and licked at his nipples, making wonwoo discover a sensitive spot he didnt even know about.

he enjoyed your attentiveness, but felt a small tug in the back of his mind at the thought of your boyfriend sitting nearby, simply watching.

"gyu, baby," you finally said after having laid wonwoo down on the bed, sitting on top of him while looking to the side at your boyfriend, "how do you wanna do this?"

wonwoo simply sat there, afraid that if he said anything he'd break the spell. he was willing to take whatever you gave him. he was already addicted to the sight of your bare body on top of him, somehow beating the picture he had seen just twenty minutes ago.

"do whatever you want, baby. have your fun n then ill eat his cum out of you n fill you with mine, sound good?", he slurred, seemingly rubbing at himself at a snail pace in order to savor the sight in front of him.

in any other instance, wonwoo wouldnt have understood why mingyu was getting off at the sight of his best friend and his girlfriend fucking, but it was you. wonwoo would also give anything to see you in the throes of passion from a third person perspective, so he felt no judgement for his friend as he practically tuned him out.

"you heard him, nonu. how do you want me?", you asked sweetly, caressing his skin softly while stopping to rub at his nipples every once in a while.

wonwoo was fucked. he felt the ability to speak leave him completely. he was rendered completely useless, a doll for you to play with however you wanted. but his sight right now was one he wanted to commit to memory, so mustering all his willpower, he lifted his hands and placed them on your hips, pressing you closer against him.

"like this, baby. please," that earned a whine from gyu, who was still self-inflicting the most painful pleasure imaginable by edging himself at the sight of you.

he humphed at wonwoo, "no! get a different pet name. shes my baby."

wonwoo chuckled at this, but nodded over at his friend. "fine. like this, princess. yeah?"

you nodded at wonwoo, quickly adjusting yourself so you could easily slip him inside you, but only after being interrupted by mingyu again, reminding you to slip on a condom, "because you were only his to fuck raw."

"gyu, baby. like this? have a good angle? need me to move?"

"no, baby. you're perfect. now bounce on him for me, yeah? wanna see my pretty girl feel good," all his words were slurred, going on almost ten minutes of watching yours and wonwoo's foreplay.

"'kay baby. are you ready, nonu? wanna feel me?", you leaned down to kiss at him again, seemingly loving the feeling of your lips connecting as much as wonwoo did.

he nodded, felling you up as be awaited the upcoming feeling of your warmth wrapping around him.

your descent drove wonwoo insane. he doesnt think he's ever moaned that loudly before, nor does he think he's ever seen a prettier sight than your blissed out face as you felt him fill you up. the contrast of your movements right now compared to your soft touches earlier was laughable. it seemed like something had possessed you, making you bounce and grind on wonwoo at an animalistic pace, moaning incessantly at the feeling of his cock filling you up.

wonwoo was different from you, as his reaction was just pure bliss from the feeling of you, humping upwards with a lack of rhythm; just animalistic instinct to get himself as deep inside you as possible.

mingyu could be heard moaning from the background. you'd occasionally disconnect your eyes from wonwoo's form to make eyes at your boyfriend, giving him even more material for jacking off.

it went on like this until you began to near your end, which is when wonwoo believes he went truly insane. you began to grind at an angle that would bring gratification to your clit, practically crying on his cock. your hands went up to play with your nipples, stimulating yourself as much as possible. wonwoo wanted nothing more than to make you meet your end, grabbing harsher onto your hips and guiding your movements. he leaned up to kiss and suck at your tits, making you throw your head back and quicken your movements even more. you were in heaven and so was he. mingyu seemed to be too, as when wonwoo peeked a look at him he was practically crosseyed at the sight of you, arched back whining on his friend's cock.

your ends found you almost simultaneously. mingyu had been first, finally allowing himself to reach his high after edging himself for so long. soon followed wonwoo, spilling into the condom, causing you to cum at the sight of his pleasure. it took a bit for all of you to catch your breaths, staying silent for a bit until wonwoo broke the silence.

"shit. please tell me this isnt a one time thing."

you and gyu giggled at each other. wonwoo hoped that was a good sign.

a/n: lol lmk if u want a cont. with gyu's part

[system-of-a-feather]

Here's the thing I feel a lot of people have a lot of trouble wrapping their heads around regarding my trauma responses and mental health profile and all is just that some of my arguably most "symptomatic" moments tend to ALSO be my most productive - either on a personal or societal level. And I don't mean to say that in a good way either.

I can't really properly genuinely and full heartedly feel right complaining because in the end of the day, my life gets better and better at a rapid rate and most decisions while biting off a lot more immediate stress do make it so that I am doing way better than other people in my situation would

But at the same time, it never stops and even if everything I do makes my life better and better, I really really don't know how to stop and I struggle to stop and due to a combination of trauma-driven behavior and just shit that is so so so so deeply ingrained, every time I get a moment of extended peace, I end up creating a really good, really productive multi month plan and just consume my time that way.

And I know that I'm doing it - every time I know that I am doing it, but I can't really just say no when the alternative is that I have to sit with the extreme discomfort of stagnancy and sit in an experience I am not used to, be aware of and tolerate a state of stress and misery when I know how to fix it, and just generally knowingly doing what I am certain would be a positive in favor of a hypothetical, theoretically healthy "break"

As a result, I rarely really get the chance to stop and take a break. I rarely get the chance to stop and ENJOY the fruit of my labor. I always have a moment in the future to work for and it's exhausting.

Anyways, I just made a huge plan that is gonna take up a good chunk of time and I am super excited but I'm also, just for a minute looking at myself and sighing, cause its a huge hassle and I am once again filling my down time with manufactured challenges.

Yeah the challenges will greatly help my life so it isn't POINTLESS challenges, but again - I always have to ask myself - where is the end to this?

Every year, every month, every time, that's the question I always have to ask and I never really have a satisfactory answer - only loose theoreticals.

At what point, can I just enjoy existing?

At what point will I stop chasing an amorphous "when things are right" and "when nothing can disrupt our security" and "when I have [insert environmental change]".

Cause honestly, at this point, all I want is a place and sustainable life style to roost in. I wanna make a nest and just sleep in it. I'm probably not Riku, either Fei or some fragment part, because I know Riku TM has so many projects that theyd want to work on IN their roost, but I dunno. I personally just honestly want to stop having to have three bags packed and ready to fly the coop

I really really can't complain though. This flight, while absolutely driven by this extremely entrenched maladaptive coping mechanism and a total flight response to life challenges, is a very very very smart decision and direction to go and I think its a good idea and will help us in the long run and all that on a mental, financial, socio-emotional, and physical level, but I really can't say I'm not tired of Doing This.

For context, since I don't think we ever said it, Riku felt moderately anxious and mildly depressed (they have been this whole time because they can't sit and wait for other people to give information so they can plan things) and checked up on a thing and in less than 48 hours

>decided they were going to assume PhDs all were rejecting us (fair) rather than hoping cause our system really doesn't do "hope" we just Do Action >decided they were done living in California cause its stupid expensive >decided to check out jobs in Colorado (one of our ideal long term end goal states to live in) >decided to apply to three >got an interview back for 2 >got a job offer >began active coordination with our fiance to move to Colorado

And it's great, it honestly really is. (figured it out, mostly Chunn lol) On all levels its a good idea and it brings us closer to the "when we have [nonexhaustive list of things that need to be met in life] we can enjoy" which is honestly something we need + we've been needing to get out of this area that we grew up in mental health wise. The level of which we can confidentally make these decisions as a whole and our ability to plan and what not is great and amazing

It's just also like.... damn we really work fast and sometimes its hard to keep up with ourselves man.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to it. I am, there's like so many great places for me to walk and bike and sit and shit there compared to here. I just also am still the part that is a variation of Data who I know would be having an aneurysm and this is all a lot for my headass that just wants to sit and look at trees.

Sometimes I'm too autistic for this system and how fast they move and make changes. It's ableist, I struggle with transitions //joking//

[theholyyuunoaduck]

Reasons why i hate mikaela hyakuya

@gurensangel @chaoticgaymess sorry i know you wanted me to repost your post but its easier just starting my own and making my own hashtag so incase anyone else asks me about this i can just look for the hashtag and send them this

Mikaela is honestly one of those characters i desperately and i mean desperatly tried to love i mean his kid self was so so easy to love and want to protect and hell i cried a shit ton for him and his past his problems everything but the reality is mikaela is a toxic person and here im going to be explaining everything as clearly as i can though im sure that everyone has heard most of these arguments i also have some most people wouldnt even consider

Why is mikaela toxic? Well simply said when you have one person and only one then its obviously going to be an underlying mental health issue now you could say other characters are similar to mikaela within that regard like every other vampire but heres the thing we dont get to see much of the other vampires so im more or less apathetic to those vampires and their actions however in accordance to mikaela we have watched his actions since day one and his chemistry with the rest of the cast of owari no seraph what grinds my gears isnt the fact that mikaela acts with violence and distrust towards everyone but the actions that the rest of the cast have taken towards mikaela and his inability to react differently towards those same exact characters aka shinoa squad

Shinoa squad has never once treated mikaela with prejiduce with agendas or anything of ill will since day one the fact that shinoa basically is the cause of death of many of her comrads during the nagoya arc where mikaela attacks the jida troop (and yes it is a troop considering that after reading pannel after pannel theres upwards to 20 soldiers who the majority of which are equiped with standard blades unlike the protagonists you know basically cannon fodder) but my problem is the fact that in that chapter shinoa instigated their betrayal to save mikaela from the rest of the troops shinoa's life was threatned straight after acknowledging that this could be the last she ever layed eyes on yuichiro by letting mikaela escape with him first threatened by a random soldier and then right after rika inoue and by her superior narumi makoto and shinoa the fucking chad she is just took all the punishment because she knows damn well that it is her fault her comrads died because of her distraction to allow mikaela to escape eating away the precious time guren baught his soldiers to run away and escape and how does mikaela respond? He tells yuu to abandon them it doesnt take a genius to say that betrayal especially to the hiragi family is met with death even if mikaela doesnt understand the rules and regulations of human law i doubt vampire law is much different meaning he knows damn well shinoa could lose her life for betraying the army for his sake and not just shinoa but her entire squad

I already know what youll say "but but mikas a vampire he has no emotions" bullshit absolute pure fucking bullshit of an argument considering the fact yoichis mention of the word family/freinds was cause for pause for mikaela and not just mikaela look at ferid look at crowley theyre all so vibrant and brimming with personality and emotion and i am damn well sure no one disagrees this could just be kagami's writing and forgetting about this plotpoint

The fact that despite this mikaela is a manipulative fucker we all know yuu is a dumbass no one can deny this the fact that mikaela is willing to point his sword towards yuichiro and threaten him his so called beloved speaks volumes about mikaelas ego his straight up ego thinking that he's the only one that could be right after all mikaelas the wisest of the bunch right i mean after all everyone of his other decisions was followed through with outstanding results anyone? Anyone? Thats right not once has the squad or especially yuichiro listend to mikaela and do to that fact everyone is alive and kicking examples? (This is also an example of manipulative mika) Mika: Yuu abandon shinoa because if she's as great as you say us sticking around will only cause her trouble you cannot tell me that isnt mikaela trying to twist yuu's feelings for his family to abandon them because had they listened to mikaela shinoa would have been impaled by the chains kureto produced to awaken the seraph of the end

And almost right after that same situation upon mahiru injuring yuu awakening abadon mikaela high tails and runs away carrying yuu and we actually see a pannel of shinoa squad scrambling for saftey straight up abandoning them again and going so far as to yell that he is yuu's only family despite all the other shit

Alright so lets play into the whole mika doesnt have feelings dont you think that having no feelings would make your sense of judgement all the better? And if so with all the evidence and actions of shinoa squad why in Gods blue earth would he basically act like an actual dick towards shinoa who saved his life risked her life for him as if shinoa is the sole reason yuu is in the prediciment of being possessed by yuu?? Isnt that the least bit infuriating??

On next of we shouldnt listen to mikaela in the same arc again mikaela suggests lets leave shinoa squad to face off against crowley AND FERID with this bullshit of "theyre after us theyll just ignore them" i mean are you kidding me? Ferid the man youve been with for 5 years is going to not have the time of his life killing a bunch of teenagers for the simple fact that if yuu is running away and leaving them.they must not be important to him therefore easy pickings for him

Lets not trust guren after all he's just using you he doesnt care the man loves that boy like as if he was his son and you can argue against me with this some time later but alright lets give mika the benifit of the doubt so obviously in mikas infinit wisdom his set course of action is killing him infront of yuichiro??? Really??? In front of him?? Killing his father infront of yuu man that just speaks volumes about how mikaeala only cares about the feeling he gets with yuu rather than carring about yuu as a person

Imo mika cares about how yuu makes him feel rather than who yuichiro is what do i mean by this? Its simple mika doesnt give a damn what makes yuu happy hell mika would cage yuu up if it ment keeping him safe and alive but is that really living? Its cruelty if i adopt a dog feed it and give it water but never play with it and isolate it thats basically animal cruelty

Anyway back to mika trying to kill guren just right there yuu begs mika to stop and grabs his arm pulling him back and what does mika do? What does he do? He lops off yuu's arm the one that was holding mikaela back from attacking what makes this scene even worse is i had so much hope for mikaeala because the last battle they won mikaela said the thoight of losing his.comrads made him dizzy what happened to him not having feelings? I lived loved loved that statement i imagined uncle mika to yuus kids being the best man to yuus wedding begging to be the one to make the wedding cake so so so so so many au's based off those little words and right after removing yuu's limb from him kimizuki and yoichi step up for guren weapons drawn and mikaela threatens them?!?!?! I mean honestly how fucking hypocritical can you be how big is his fucking ego???

Ill end it with this point because i have work in the morning i Still have another 20 bullet points i want to add but im starting to think i have artheritistis in my hand because my fingers hurt so much but anyway my point being mikaelas character contradicts yui's in an unhealthy way while yuu's character trait is to run towards danger to be a hero mikas is to run from danger its basically a tug of war and the thing is the story so far has actually turned out well for the cast running into danger for yuu made the 6th angels trumpet to grow silent destroying all of the four horsemen monsters and letting humanity take a huge step towards rebuilding but had it been mika's way theyd have run right out of that building never to see it again my point is if someone pulls and runs towards something and another character ties a rope to them and runs the other direction that tension will cause nothing but problems instead of running forward with the protagonist in order to keep them safe and actually contribute into the success of the mission

Also like the hashtags say this is only part 1 because as i said i have to sleep and my hand is killing me i should have done this earlier when i had more energy in order to bring along all the sources like the chapter and page where you can find these exact moments along with photos of said arguments/bullet points

[spearxwind]

OOF... i dont even have a theme for the major extinction characters sjlklfdhk. i dont.. i dont have most minor characters planned out even 

I WILL GIVE YOU HOWEVER, a song that’s been inspiring me for certain worldbuilding things (though i cant say much bc idk if itll end up showing in the story at all but you can have it!) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XciV8HuNQLw  [it’s realm breaker, by mechina]

Oh man, im influenced by a bunch of art and comics but i couldnt pin down specific inspirations for those haha

as for the more broad sense, i also have a bunch of things! significantly, physics and space. it might not look like it but i think a lot about the logistics of things and whatever rules would exist in my universes etc. it does suck sometimes bc it prevents me from doing things just for the hell of it, but i love applying knowledge to things. and space has always been something really close to me, my dad’s an astrophysicist so ive been exposed to all sorts of cool knowledge about it since i was a wee bab 

i also really really love metaphors and symbolism, but rather than take inspiration from things i just use my own personal symbolism x) i put a lot of myself in what i do. which.. i guess could be said for many artists too so its not too special haha

and also as with many other artists, i AM fueled by spite significantly. specifically 1. for the people who once thought or who still think id never be good to do art, or that id never get better at what i do. 2. for people who draw wings wrong (especially professional people? what’s wrong with you. im begging you to look at a bird) 3. for people and companies that make terrible designs with terrible decisions (they fuel me to do better than them) 4. for people who believe that the only way to be good at art and design is to make overly complex and visually charged, detailed designs with many colors/hues (all my ocs are fairly simple and have the most limited colors kffhk) 

im sure there’s a lot more but ive spent a lot of time writing this out already and i cant really think of anything else so i hope this is a good enough answer!! 

god i do NOT have enough knowledge for this but what the fuck was up with the volturi lol. like fuckin, vampire goth club over there did nothing to change over hundreds of years, all of them still stuck in their medieval ways. i remember a plot point that was touched upon was that they had a specific person lure in a bunch of lost tourists through the sewer entrance so that the volturi could drink them and like ?? bro. how is this not investigated at any point, ever. like a shit ton of tourists just disappear ??? all the time?? and no one gives a fuck?? no investigation?? what do they do with the bodies?????

also, they were willing to blast the carlisle family into fucking orbit over Turning A Child (tm) into a vampire, but they had absolutely no qualms about vampire wars/soldiers where a lot of people were irresponsibly turned into neophytes for their strength (like jasper) or people who turned others just for the fuck of it or bc theyd have sickass powers (like benjamin. that was the sole reason for benjamin being turned. bc the dude could feel that benj would have cool powers and he absolutely did... he was a fucking avatar. controller of the elements. and he did absolutely jack shit in the books. im still so mad) 

but yeah anyway the volturi are big hypocrites. got nothing to say about their lifestyle and aesthetic tho bc italians just be like that

his horns and the spikes on his forearms and tail are rly solid and rly pointy so theyre about as dangerous as a solid, pointy big thing can be

the spikes on his neck and back are a lot softer though. theyre flat scales and are probably bendy, but still sturdy. they don’t have edges or anything so you wont be sliced up if you touch them but touching them is probably not too comfortable

alex would probably be a crocodile tbh! it’s one of the things i based his dragon form off of for the latest iteration, and i just think it fits him a lot (also its funny that crocodiles are water creatures but alex has a Big Dislike of water)

also i literally cannot see adri as anything other than a snake sklhfsdk. its what he is!! this is like asking someone’s favorite color but not letting them choose their actual favorite. do you want me to lie? do you want me to say something not true??

Honestly i always loved deer but refused to acknowledge it, especially to myself, and much less thought about having one as a sona bc “prey animals are lame” was rly prevalent in my circles for the longest time. everyone was a dragon or a wolf etc bc they wanted to be cool and so did i but i never vibed with it it took me a rly long time to just accept that i rly liked deer haha and i think what made me decide on it in the end was ‘well i can make a deer more monstery if i wanted to, i have that power’ and so i did  then later i tied the whole ‘wrong deer’ aesthetic to my own personal symbolism of always being picked on by many until i got sick of it and learned to stand up for myself. my sona is something that’s not for people to prey on anymore, and so am i c:

honestly? ive never thought about it. im not too knowledgeable about dnd still so i dont think id be able to do them justice

ive thought about making dnd encounters based off of my ocs thought (like, how their powers would work turn/mechanic wise) but if i ever did i dont think id use them or talk about them :’) 

jkdg gosh thats so sweet thank you sm!! im so happy you enjoy my stuff :’DDDD 

WELL, in no particular order: 

1. several glass bottles 2. bei’s pet golem sierra (they got her back though) 3. a knife or two probably 4. an air conditioning remote 5. do sewer rats count? sewer rats. besides all the other rats i mean 6. homeless man who tried to rob his store at gunpoint 7. the gun  8. drank a bottle of cyanide once 9. a motorcycle (as collateral damage) 10. tbh he will eat any creature he finds while walking around that’s small enough to fit in his mouth and no one can rly stop him

DISGOSTING!!! not even bc of the flavor i rly dont care abt that but bc like... warm pineapple... that’s the real crime 

oh my gosh that’d be an honor tbh!! I’m not sure if i’d be a big help since i might be tied with school stuff at the time, but id definitely love to try!! ty!! 

[deddie-eddie]

Hypocrisy in fandom.

TW // suicide, suicide baiting, harassment

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Yesterday, I nearly killed myself.

I was in the midst of a breakdown, I was shaking so hard I couldnt breathe, and if I wasn't I likely would have been able to open the pill bottle and I likely would have gone through with it.

I had to be talked down via phone call while I was on a camping trip with my family.

But why?

Two days ago, I did something awful. I found a "pedo struggling" account, run by an anti, who was posting screenshots of me and my friends, and called them out.

Little did I know, this would be the start of something horrible.

It started out fine. I made a couple jokes, laughed along at other proshippers in the comments, and it was all fine.

Then, the account posted a vague tweet. "They won't stop." I thought this was funny, so I poked more fun at them. Watched them squirm as they replied to my friends in shaky, broken English. I called it crytyping. I mocked them for it. I assumed I knew what I was talking about and instead of realizing that they were having a breakdown, I assumed that they were being performative and made some horrid accusations in a long callout thread about them. I posted screenshots of them as they replied with, what I thought was, performative nonsense. I privately mocked them. To summarize, I did something entirely, unarguably, factually awful. I made assumptions I had no right to make and acted on them in the worst way.

Then I went to bed.

When I woke up, I had hundreds of notifications. Spammed messages of "deactivate," "how could you do something like this," and a barrage of fancams.

It had come out that the person I was mocking was having a genuine panic attack, and that I had mocked them in a time of immense struggle and pain. I had no right to mock them in the first place, but now that it was genuine, my actions were amplified.

I finally took more than two seconds to think about what I'd done, and realized I was a huge, giant, absolutely massive asshole. I deleted the thread, released a long apology, and tried to take every comment and all my criticism in stride. I was still getting a lot of hate. That was understandable. I knew I didnt deserve to be forgiven yet. I let it be. I didnt tweet anything else for fear of it seeming like I wasnt taking this horrible situation seriously. I sincerely, honestly replied to people asking me why, how, and what I thought I was doing. They had every right to know. Still, the cries of "deactivate" rolled in. I knew I deserved them.

Then, it got worse.

I got a comment. I checked it.

"I dont usually say this but ummm... you should kys."

My heart raced. It had been a while since someone had told me to kill myself. I knew I had fucked up but I didnt realize just how hard, if people were really telling me to kill myself. But i brushed it off. It was one comment. I deserved it.

But it kept. Coming.

More people. "Deactivate," "kill yourself," "you're a freak." All day. Every minute I'd have a new notif, and every moment a new threat. "You'll be alone forever." "I hope you rot alone." I knew I had to take it because I had inadvertently sent people to harass that person. I didnt deserve to be forgiven. I still dont.

People watched my follower count drop. So did I. I lost mutuals I had interacted with for months. I lost people who said that they would always be there for me. I lost people who used to call me their best friend.

I had no one ask me for my side. No one that i was close to, anyway. None of the tens of people who told me that they cared about me, that they loved me, that theyd always be there for me. Not a single one of them was there to ask me. They all read the same callout post, and came to the same conclusion. That I was a horrible, unforgivable person. And I dont blame them for that. Sometimes I think I am too.

Then they kept going even more. More hate. More callout posts, except now people were making things up. They were lying and I couldnt do anything about it because I was in the wrong and not to be redeemed. Old friends took the sides of people who genuinely suggested that I die or kill myself, and people who said they loved me were handing over screenshots to these people in hopes that they wouldnt get thrown under the bus.

They took old things that I said and did and exaggerated them, posted old DMs out of context, and when they couldnt manipulate my words they just didnt provide evidence at all. They had that power. They had the power to lie about me and I had given it to them.

More people joined in. There was a hashtag spread of me. #staymadeddie on twitter. Look it up if you think I'm lying. People tried to get this trending.

After over a day and a half of NOTHING but constant harassment, I started to think I should take their advice. If I was dead, I'd finally be quiet, and theyd get what they wanted. If I was dead, they wouldnt yell at me anymore. They wouldnt harass me. I would be free.

They managed to make me feel like this in a day and a half.

I had a public breakdown. I screamed over the internet, phone held in shaking hands as I tried not to sob in earshot of my family. I frantically pleaded to what little I had left that they stop. I begged to know what they wanted from me. I asked if they really wanted me to die. I begged them to leave me alone. I threw my phone at my bed, ran to the med cabinet, and grabbed a bottle of pills. If I hadn't been shaking so hard, I'd have opened it. If I had opened it, I dont like to think about what I might have done. I was flooded with comments telling me to get help. Close friends begged me not to do what I wanted so badly to. They dmed me left and right, but i ignored it. I felt numb. Everything had been hurting so much that when presented with death felt almost better. Obviously that was a ludicrous thought. It was a day and a half. I was being rash. But I didnt care. I couldnt take it anymore. I'm 15, I have severe anxiety and depression. When overwhelmed, my impulsive thoughts and actions take over.

A friend called me and had to talk me down over phone call while I was camping with my family. It was successful, of course, but the rest of the day I was plagued with a deep depression that left me feeling hollow and worthless. I still cant keep my thoughts away from it. I think about all the people I've lost. All the people who, in their eyes, I'm dead to. All the people who swore they'd be with me, but when push came to shove they couldnt even spare me a glance.

My crime was harassing a minor. I made assumptions I had no right to make and publicly blasted someone for having a panic attack. In no way was that okay and in no way am I entitled to be forgiven. However, I deleted the post. I released an apology. I took criticism as best I could, without blaming my actions on anything or anyone but myself. I did what they always tell you to do when you fuck up.

But it didnt work.

I *was* genuinely sorry.

I *did* recognize my mistake

I *tried* to make amends.

I *didn't* pass blame.

I fucked up. Hard. But no matter what I did no one would stop. I lost close friends. I lost a best friend. It almost seemed like I'd made it worse.

There is no moral. Because real life isnt black and white. I did an awful thing. These people did awful things too. There is more than one victim here. In people's quest to gain justice for me harassing a minor, they harassed a minor into near suicide and laughed at it.

Dont forget that behind EVERY account there is a real person. Be they adult or child, everyone will fuck up and even though in general we need to think before we post, like I clearly didnt, it is possible to learn from our actions and one negative one doesn't define a person.

I'll say this again.

To some people, people I trusted, people who said they cared about me, i am dead. They hate my guts. I'll never be redeemed. But I'm expected to improve myself with this knowledge. I'm supposed to take all the hate and never speak about the hate coming my way for fear of trying to victimize myself.

No. Fuck you.

I AM a victim. I was harassed as much as they were, and even though I threw the first stone, I never told anyone to die. I never lied about anyone. I didnt cancel them. I learned my mistake and apologized, but I KNOW that NO ONE will EVER be expected to apologize for what they did to me.

What I did was horrible. I am not entitled to forgiveness. I will repeat that a hundred times. But to beat me down until I'm nearly dead, to call me a freak and a pedo and a disgusting person, to tell me to kill myself, then laugh when I call myself a victim, is disgusting.

I DON'T deserve this, and I'm tired of having to pretend like I do.

By all means. Criticize me. Make jokes. Be harsh. But do NOT tell me to kill myself over a lack of forethought, and then have the guts to call yourself a "protector of kids." You're not.

You're only out to protect your friends, and the people who agree with you, other people's lives be damned. I dont matter to you. And you'll never admit that you hurt me.

[ivory-haired-queens-blog]

Unpopular Opinions: Fandom Edition

Hey none of you asked but I’m here to deliver so here are some unpopular opinions for the fandoms I’m in. Spoilers, duh.

Marvel:

I don’t like Natasha. Or Steve.

Pepper Potts is a top.

As much as I love Loki, his death was nessicary in Infinity War.

Steve should have killed Bucky in Civil War. He was a threat, plain and simple.

I ship Ironstrange/Supremefamily.

Clint should have died in Infinity War.

I love Tony Stark with my whole heart. (Not an unpopular opinion but you needed to know that)

I’m not happy with the end of Endgame.

10 years in the making....for you to do Thor like that?

Not because he’s fat or because he’s dealing with trauma, that’s totally acceptable.

What’s not acceptable is them making Thor into the butt of the joke because he’s fat.

I love the Antman movies.

I’m totally not biased because I loved lost.

(I’m kinda biased)

Shuri is the best Marvel character and would beat Tony Stark in a battle of wits.

(I’m so gay I love her.)

With as many years as Marvel has had the MCU, I am disgusted at the lack of diversity within the movies.

Like it’s 2019 and we JUST got a female empowerment scene in Endgame.

Like I want a gay superhero.

(We have a disabled one thank god. Love you Stephen.)

And don’t give me that Valkyrie/Captain Marvel BS because they never blatantly stated or showed it in their movies.

I want an Asian superhero bitch.

A superhero who is Muslim/Islam/and religion besides Christian.

I think that, as much as I hate Natasha and Steve, they should have been the ones that Bruce first sees in Infinity War. I know it set up the whole “earth is closed today” sequence but it didn’t make sense and was OOC.

I love Stephen Strange and he’s never done a single thing wrong ever in his life I would die for this man.

I like MCU Peter Parker over the origional movie Spider-Man.

Fight me.

I also like the Tony Stark/Peter Parker better than the Uncle Ben/Peter Parker so @ me.

The 100

I don’t ship Bellarke that hard.

Like yes, I think they’re obviously being groomed to end up together. I know the show runners will make them official before the end of the series. I’m not mad about that, I just don’t really care to be honest. It’s like, too obvious.

But there are some cute bellarke scenes

What they did to Monty was bullshit but what they did to Jasper was worse.

I feel no guilt whatsoever in saying that I think that killing all of Mount Weather was what they should have done from the beginning.

Yes, even the kids. Because if you kill their leaders, the men and women will fight back. The colony would have been left with a handful of adults, and a bunch of kids if the origional plan had worked. This is doomed to fail and honestly just killing them all would be better than seeing them kill eachother for food, power, whatever. If that makes sense.

I think that Finn deserved to die.

I think that Murphey deserves the world.

Charlotte fucking killed Wells. Yes she’s young but she knows better than to kill someone. Maybe not kill her, but we all know that Clarke wouldn’t have banished her like she did Murphey. Clarke has a gender bias because Murphey didn’t do anything and she wouldn’t have punished Charlotte as hard because she’s a young girl. I rest my case

Even though what he did was bad and wrong, I don’t think Murphey should have been banished. He’s right. They were all compliant and even excited when he was being hung, but when it’s a little girl all bets are off.

Like Bellamy brought the whole hostage thing upon himself because he fucking tied a noose around Murphey’s throat.

Again, not that what Murphey did was right. He didn’t have to act like that. Jasper didn’t do anything to him.

Also this segment is getting long but the show writers and everyone else just casually forgot that Murphey was TORTURED? Hello? Are we not going to acknowledge that?

I shipped Clexa with my whole heart.

Another actually popular opinion: what they’ve done to Raven’s character this season is bullshit. Her only role is Abby’s moral compass. This is the same girl who shuttled to earth in a Tin Can. She’s better than this.

What the fuck??? Happened to??? Jordan???

Like Madi stabbed him

And then they proceeded to not talk about it for like four episodes and then casually mention it in passing like “oh he saved Pria that means he gets to live”

Like they set up his character to be really important this season.

But he’s not.

I think that Murphey/Emori is the best ship.

I also think that Either Murphey or Emori or Both are secretly double crossing the Primes. (This comes out before the finale of season six)

They didn’t have to do Onyia like that

The opening of season three is so weak that I actually stopped watching the show around that time (I’d been watching since the beginning of season two) because there’s just nothing there in the first like 10 minutes and I couldn’t do it.

Maybe I’m just impatient but it’s bad.

I think that Octavia did the best that she could with what she had available and I think that’s she’s not a bad person for what she did with the fighting pits/cannabalism. And I know that if Bellamy had been in her place, he would have eventually done the same.

Kane was a whiny bitch in season 5.

Why’d the kill Diyoza(I can’t spell) like that?

I liked Joesephine. It was really fun to see Eliza Taylor be able to get a new character in the show. Also props to her for that last episode with pretending to be Joesephine and being Clarke at the same time.

I called the dude being Gabriel from the first time I saw him you peasants.

Octavia’s redemption arc this season is beautiful.

They did....that.....to Kane. I’m angerey.

Lost In space

Not enough people watch this show. (The Netflix remake or the origional)

Seriously guys it’s a good show.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with it.

I love Don West with my whole heart.

I love Dr. Smith with my half heart.

I love the robot with my two hearts.

I love Penny Robinson with all the stars in the galaxy.

I love all of them okay.

There are no plot holes, no inconsistencies, no faulty science and anyone who says (or proves) otherwise is wrong.

It’s confirmed for a season two which should air in like the December-February time area.

It’s a Netflix show so you can binge the entire season in like a weekend.

Seriously watch it.

The Umbrella Academy

Five x Delores is weird.

Luther x Allison is illegal.

Klaus deserves all the push pops in the world.

The handler is hot.

The Comission killed Dave.

Luther is the most boring, Unorigional, straight white guy character I’ve seen in a long time. I hate him so much.

Allison is a queen but her character is brought down by her weird relationship with her brother.

Tbh if I was Allison you know I’d be telling my kids that I heard a rumor that theyd go the fuck to sleep. Like that’s a good thing. Idk maybe I’m just a sociopath.

Istanbul not Constantinople being played over a scene where five murders a squad of Commission people is the greatest cinematic masterpiece ever conceived by man.

“Where are you going” “to save the world” “oh is that all?” Iconic.

None of these are really unpopular but the show writers seem to think differently.

Diego has never done anything wrong in his life like yaaaasss bitch kill your brother at yo daddy’s funeral!!! Work!!!

PaTcH

AAaAHh

Big Theif - Mary is the perfect song to play over Klaus returning from Vietnam.

Will you love me, like you loved me in the January rain?

It’s up there with Goodbye July.

Speaking of Goodbye July....

Z Nation

Many people haven’t watched it

It’s like if The Walking Dead and Zombieland had a baby....and then the baby did a line of cocaine.

It’s wild.

Watching Garnet die ruined every sliver of hope I had in humanity.

I have a special place in my heart for this show because it’s the first show that me and my mom would stay up and watch the new episodes air every Friday. It brought us closer and I can’t thank the cast and show runners enough for this.

So maybe I’m biased, but you should watch it.

Having Murphey switch from being an anti-hero to a villain back to an anti-hero and then to a regular hero, amazing. Astonishing. The peak of human existence.

Even though he’s not entirely human.

What color is Murphey today? Is he pale, discolored, grey, blue, red? We don’t know!

Roberta Warren is the Black Goddess main protagonist that we deserve.

Addison Carver is a functional Bi.

10k is tragic backstory central but other than that, his character development is pretty lacking other than him persuing love interests.

None of these are really unpopular opinions but I doubt any of you have watched the show. It’s on Netflix. Watch it.

Oooooohhhhh George.

Georgia St. Clair could stomp me to death and my ghost would still want to fuck her.

Anyways I’m gay

God damn I have a lot of pent up Gay energy.

Murphey and Lucy have a realistic enstranged father/daughter relationship and it’s heartwarming.

And then they killed her off to save him.

Honestly if you name a character Murphey they can only be assholish bad boys with a good heart deep down sorry I don’t make the rules.

Also if you name a character Murphey I will love them with my whole soul.

I’m so mad they cancelled the show.

I’m infinitely more mad that they named that disgrace of a show Black Summer and claimed that it was a prequel....but it didn’t follow the same cast and had they not advertised it as a prequel I would never have guessed.

Black Summer gives totally opposite vibes than Z Nation does. I get that black summer is supposed to be the worst time that the zombie apocalypse ever had, with cannibals and no food, but it feels like s completely different show.

It’s like if The Walking Dead claimed that it is a prequel/occurs during Shaun of the Dead.

Like....no. They’re....no.

Anyway watch it it’s good.

Detroit: Become Human

Connor isn’t the best character.

This is an unpopular opinion post deal with it.

Markus has to be my favorite.

Honestly this game is so good and not even just graphics-wise.

It’s the same robotic sentience story we’ve been fed for years, but this time it’s from the Android’s perspective and this time all they want is to be free. That’s it.

I fucking hate North.

Hank is literally if Rick from Rick and Morty were serious.

The only correct way to play Connor is to walk the thin line between deviant and regular A.I. Without leaving out Hank. The correct thing to do is make Conner deviant at Jericho.

The only correct way to play Kara is to protect Alice with every fiber of your being. Meanwhile, get close to her. Do not get caught, even if that means dissappointing her.

The only correct way to play Markus is to lead a peaceful revolution. Also tell North to fuck off.

The border patrol guy who either gets Kara and Alice caught or knowingly lets Androids cross the border is the best character. Forget about Markus, this guy sees either “oh fuck androids are killing people, maybe we shouldn’t let this one cross the border” or “Androids just want to be free and are peacefully fighting for this. Let this one and her daughter through.” I love him.

LUTHER.

YES DADDY.

anyway.

Let Out The Bear He Just Wants To Say Hi :)

Even though I think Conner is overrated by the fandom, I do like him.

But he’s not a pure innocent cinnamon roll either.

It depends on how you play, but he has really violent options so stop the “He wouldn’t harm a fly” attitude.

But he is cute.

The home screen for the game is revolutionary (no pun intended) and I hope future game follow suit in making the first impression of the game something cool.

Stealing clothes/money/the fence cutters is literally okay.

Also if you put Kara in white hair you can die.

If in your first actual play through you got the Kara lives at the recycling plant ending but Alice dies, you can die too.

I’ve never actually seen the steal money and go to motel option play out because it’s stupid, especially if you don’t steal clothes. Like that’s begging to be caught.

Stranger things

Billy Hargrove is bad and just because he’s abused does not make what he does okay.

Harringrove is gross and I’m gay so my opinion counts as double.

That being said, there are some really cute fics about Harringrove and I can see the appeal of “good boy falls for mysterious bad boy with a dark past and trauma”

I’ve said I’m gay this whole post because I say it a lot, but I don’t like actually labeling myself but I like girls and boys and everything in between and I say I’m gay kinda as a joke when girls are hot.

That being said...

Steve Harrington calling himself Daddy made me feel things.

Strange things.

Haha get it I’m making a joke to distract you from the daddy part.

Steve Harrington is a good person now, but he was still an asshole before and he can still be criticized for his past.

I used to be hardcore Jancy but after season three I feel like Nancy needs and deserves a break from boys so she can figure out herself and who she is now and what she wants to do without the weight of boys and boyfriends constantly around her.

That being said i still don’t like Nancy because she was flirting/slept in the same bed with Jonathan whilst obviously having feelings for him while she and Steve were still a thing. It’s not cheating but to me it’s close enough to raise red flags.

Robin is perfect in every way.

I don’t like Jonathan. He’s creepy in s1, fine in s2, but then is s3 he doesn’t do anything to or about his male bosses when Nancy is being made fun of because she’s a woman.

Seeing Nancy’s class priveledge/Jonathan’s male priveledge clashing was so cool tbh

Elmax > Mileven > Lumax

Jim Hopper, with all his faults, is still a caring dad.

Plus him threatening Mike made me laugh so hard sksksksks

Steve Harrington deserves the world and then some.

Low key I really want s4 to give in insight on his family life.

I also want him to get an apartment with Robin.

Robins cute tbh but for half the season I though she was a Russian spy. I guess I was wrong.

Mrs. Wheeler shouldn’t sleep with billy (not that she can now) because it’s wrong, but the reason she wanted to is because her husband is so boring and she gave up on her dreams to be his perfect housewife. She wanted a challenge with Billy. Instead, she should leave her pushover of a husband and find someone better.

Anyway Steve Harrington deserves the world.

Yeah okay hate me whatever.

[lovesickjily]

After Moon

for the lovely beautiful amazing @beaubcxton​ @thelaziestgeek​ ahhhh happy day of your birth you wonderful human you. i love you so much. here, have a fic of just about ever trope that i hope you’ll love. ahhhh i hope this is one of the loveliest of days you’ll ever live out because every day of your life should be just about as beautiful as today <333333

leave some love on  ao3 or ffn

Summary: When the universe sent Lily back in time for some inexplicable reason, she didn’t realise that she’d fall for the charming, messy-haired Prince along the way, nor did she realise that she’d see him once again.

There was something oddly calming about the tenderness of the soft waves of the lake.

The water felt cool against her toes as she skimmed the edges, breaking the otherwise stillness of the gentle motions, and she moved her feet in small spirals, as if she was directing the choreography for the stream’s soft, graceful movements.

Her jeans— which she admitted were most definitely not the most appropriate wear for the outdoors in this scorching heat, what with the temperatures being much too hot for spring, a time for flowers to blossom and rejoice at the sun’s newly-made appearance after months of the cold fragility of winter— had been rolled up as much as they possibly could before ultimately being able to cut the circulation off from her thighs, and her long-sleeved shirt had been rolled up to her shoulders. Perhaps she should have let loose, should have worn an outfit that revealed more skin, because if the sun had finally shied away from hiding in the clouds, then her skin should have shied away from the constraints of clothing as much as possible as well.

Only, it was far too late for a change of wardrobe now.

She’d been dragged off with her family to spend time together, but between Vernon’s horrible attempts at making himself appear more virile and masculine through his arsed attempts at fishing in the lake— a terrible mistake as it was already, having gone on about knowing that he’ll most definitely catch the largest tarpon humanity will ever see, his first mistake, really, seeing as they were currently engaging in recreational activities at a freshwater lake— and Petunia’s insults towards Lily when she’d tried to correct Vernon, she’d found herself distancing herself from them slowly but surely. He hadn’t even been holding the rod correctly, for heaven’s sake.

If he’d at any point given her the rod, she was sure to catch at least something, but because of his notions that women were only good in the kitchen and at home sweeping the floors, he hadn’t even so much as let go of the rod, as if it was more dear to him than his fiance. Lily had a feeling that this had been the first time he’d ever even acquainted himself with the likes of fishing.

It’d been slightly amusing at first to watch Vernon fish and Petunia clapping him on, and in fact, the first time he’d thrown the rod, the hook had gotten caught in one of his belt loops, but soon, it just got annoying with his persistence to go on, still not yet having realised that there was no chance of him catching a tarpon, not even a chance of him catching anything, really. It didn’t stop Petunia from clapping for him.

She didn’t at all see what her sister saw in her oaf of a boyfriend, but then again, she didn’t really see much in the men that acquainted themselves with her, none of them catching her eye or making her heart flutter as it was described in the books that she entertained her eyes with in her free time. Perhaps she had been born in the wrong time period, or perhaps she was too picky when it came to finding the supposed one, but she couldn’t at all see herself settling for anyone less than what she looked for— whatever she was looking for. Why should she be unhappy with someone she didn’t love? As lonely as she was— relationship-wise— she’d much rather be alone than with anyone who wasn’t her emotional equal.

Respectful men? Sure, she supposed she met enough of them to crowd a room or two, but none had that sparkle in their eye, none had the passion that met one as fiery as her own. She wasn’t going to settle down with a man who should have been respectful from the start, because it was like asking for a meal at only a decent restaurant and be served with a meal that was equally decent, for it had been what she expected. She wanted unpredictability, in a good sense, not the one-day-I’ll-assault-you-after-coming-off-as-a-good-person unpredictability.

Perhaps her generation had spent so much time dwelling on finding love that it had become commonplace for people to rush into relationships, relationships that they should have known were destined to fall apart from the very beginning, and that the feeling had dwindled in the world because so many had begun falling out of it.

If she had been born earlier, maybe she’d been subjected to the love that she’d like to think she’d like. On the dates that she’d gone on in the past, she supposed they were decent enough dates, though nothing too far out of it, and a simple dinner was completely fine, but they didn’t seem as if much thought had been put into them. She’d like to think that she was worth at least some thought, but obviously, she wasn’t begging for thousands of dollars from her bridesmaids, wasn’t begging for anything but consideration from them. Honestly, she wouldn’t have even minded if someone took her on a date to the supermarket so long as they thought it out with the consideration that all good people deserved.

Or, as an idea that she liked to ball up and throw off into the corner, she wasn’t worthy of finding love, but if that was the case, then men— both of the respectful and the disrespectful sort— wouldn’t be queuing up to ask her out on a date, to which she almost always turned them down, not at all feeling the connection that she so desperately seeked.

But on another note, if someone with the likes of Vernon had been able to bag her sister, who could be quite the person when she treated Lily with the sisterly love that she wanted from her, then perhaps love wasn’t at all dead. Petunia surely wasn’t in it for the looks, and if she was, then she was in dire need of a visit to the optometrist.

If she had a boyfriend sitting beside her right at that very moment, a very attractive man with cleverness to boot— though not so much as he’d always beat her in banter, because she considered herself a goddess with words, almost always able to outstump others verbally— she’d like to imagine that they were coming up with the funniest ways to describe Vernon’s failed attempts to so much as reel in a weed of some sort, but, of course, there was no indisputably beautiful man sitting beside her. A shame, that.

And she didn’t want to measure her worth by her relationship status, quite loving the notion of being an independent woman, but she could still be an independent woman with a man beside her, holding her hand and doing whatever it was that a loving boyfriend did.

But, no boyfriend, no one to laugh at Vernon with, no one.

She sighed.

Her eyes travelled over to the other families, who had begun gathering for the solar eclipse that was supposed to happen today in a few moments, which had been another reason as to why her family had chosen this particular day to go out together. They’d said it killed two birds with one stone— a motto that Vernon probably most definitely lived by literally, having boasted about his ‘successful’ hunting expeditions, meaning that he’d succeeded in the bloodshed of poor, innocent animals that he’d later gone on to hang on his walls as trophies. Vernon and her father had begun to put away the fishing supplies, and she was sure that he would soon begin to bust into a boast about how expensive his solar eclipse-designed glasses were, as if the frames would let him view the phenomenon better as opposed to the glasses that Lily had picked up from the nearby convenience store. She was practically daring him to speak.

Surely enough, after her parents had beckoned her over to them, having chosen a spot where they could easily view the eclipse, the clouds had cleared away enough so that the sun was very much in sight, shining brightly down at the onlookers, as if to call them idiots for choosing this day to look up at it, as if on any other occasion they would have simply gone blind from just laying their eyes upon it.

The eclipse was scheduled to happen any second now, and she’d settled down beside her mum, her feet once again skimming the surface of the water. There were many groups of people relaxing on the lake now, engaged in conversations with one another, excitement written over their faces as they awaited the passage of the moon covering the sun with her own family talking.

“I heard that seeing an eclipse means that someone will die,” Vernon gruffed, and she wanted so badly to refute his statement, but anything that came out of her mouth would make Petunia shush her and say that Vernon knew what he was talking about because he had a fancy degree in philosophy, like having such a degree made him a philosopher, as if the minds of Socrates and Aristotle had nothing on him.

Instead, she chose to ignore him, because to say something, anything smart, in the presence of her parents would just make them disappointed in her, and so she held her tongue, if just for that moment. She found her eyes wondering, finding a boy who had gone astray from the rest of his family, who hadn’t seem to notice because they were too preoccupied with the patterns of the sun and the moon, and the next thing she knew, he had jumped into the lake.

He jumped into the lake.

Oh god.

What was she to do? Should she intervene in business that wasn’t her own? Surely the boy knew how to swim, otherwise he wouldn’t have willingly thrown himself into the perils of the water, but then again, he was a child who didn’t know any better, hadn’t gone through life to fully understand what was right and wrong just yet.

Her eyes darted towards the crowds, because surely someone would have noticed a small boy plunging into the water, mesmerised by the reflection of the sun on the surface of the water, but people only continued smiling and laughing, completely unaware of what was happening in the lake. She’d nearly turned back to the conversation herself, when the boy began flailing in the water, and nevermind the fact that she was wearing clothing completely unsuitable for swimming— she hadn’t even expected to go swimming at all— and she knew that there was really one option for her.

She stood from her spot, kicking off her shoes and running off of the pier, ignoring the protests from her parents and the shrieks coming from Petunia at her abruptness. The water completely overtook her nostrils, filling them, before she emerged, kicking against the forces of the water as quickly as she possibly could before the boy succumbed to the depths of the lake, and he was visibly drowning now, trying his hardest as to not drown.

She pushed against the water, and she’d nearly considered holding out her hand, but he was quite possibly too terrified to register her actions. She hadn’t even had to do anything, because she hadn’t noticed that her brash display of jumping into the lake from the pier had attracted the attention of loads of people, even more than the child had, because his father had launched into his boat— already revved up and ready to go— to save the child.

She had jumped into the water for nothing.

Or perhaps she had, if it helped to rescue the boy and if it meant that there’d be one less dead person in the world.

“Take my hand,” the man told her, and she’d tried really hard to reach up, but from the reflection on his sunglasses she could see the moon passing over the sun in that very instance, signaling the start of the eclipse. Why she took notice of that small detail, she did not know, though it seemed like a very ominous sign of impending doom, and she would have laughed if she could at Vernon’s beliefs, as if she was the one to die. “Miss?”

She snapped out of it, and she was finally able to move her hand, but she hadn’t even managed to so far as to even brush fingers with the man— one with slightly greying hair and a protruding belly, seeming to be the embodiment of a fisher dad— when she felt something pulling at her foot, some sort of invisible force keeping her in the water, and she felt her heart lurch.

Had she upset some water spirit in the past? Why was—

There was only one instance in which water could ever burn someone, that only instance being when one was being submerged in water, filling their lungs and throat and nose to the point that they couldn’t breathe, and water wasn’t at all supposed to do that, was supposed to put out things that burned, not have the property of burning, but that was the only sensation that she could properly understand now as the water pushed at her from every direction.

Get up, she told herself. She knew how to avoid drowning, had read up on it before, and she knew that she had to stop moving, had to keep thrashing and flailing about, but this force, gravity, whatever it was, was keeping her from emerging from the surface.

She was sure to hear screaming of some sort, or perhaps everyone had taken to observing the eclipse, forgetting about the redhead who was surely to succumb to her death, but fighting for her life was wearing thin as much as she wanted to stay alive, and she felt her eyes closing.

Now, there was nothing soothing about the water as it pulled her down to its murky depths.

Then she saw black.

*****

It felt like eternity since she’d woken up, and she was still completely aware of how much the water— although she was lying flat on the ground now— was burning her, having made its way in her now and had worked its way into her system.

She felt herself cough up a small burst of water, opening her eyes as she expected the concerned stares of her parents and exasperated stares of Petunia and Vernon, but instead, she found herself looking into the concerned eyes of two unknown girls around her age. Upon seeing that she wasn’t dead— or, maybe she was dead, and this was the first thing that she was supposed to see when entering the afterlife—, they breathed a sigh of relief, smiling warmly at her.

“Oh, Princess!” the blonde one exclaimed, “We nearly thought you were done for when we found you in the water.”

“Had us shocked there, you did,” the brunette agreed, “The Prince will be in for such news, especially on your first day here.”

“I— Princess?” she exclaimed, blinking at these strange women, “I’m not a princess?”

They looked at her as if she was the one uttering nonsensical words, and the brunette shook her head, muttering, “You must have hit your head harder than I thought.”

“Drowning does not affect the memory part of my brain,” she huffed, but when she’d finally come to her senses, she realised that she was not at the lake, was nowhere near the lake, the only body of water being a pond of some sort in an ornate garden, designed as if it was meant for royalty. Where was she?

Perhaps she had hit her head a bit too hard. Maybe she had hit a rock on the way down, but after feeling the top of her head for any gash of any sort, her hand came back with nothing except for the knowledge that her hair, which had been tied up in a ponytail before, was now up in a wet plait wrapped around her head, spurring on even more questions.

She attempted to stand up quickly from her spot, causing the two to rush at her side, and the blonde tugged at her arm, keeping her down. “Princess—”

“Again, you must be mistaken—”

“Please be careful,” she finished, securing a towel around Lily’s person, and she was completely aware of how her long sleeve and jeans had been traded for a flowy ivory dress that cascaded down her legs and reached the floor, though the sleeves themselves were still long. “The prince will be awfully upset if something treacherous occured to you.”

“The prince, right,” she said, “It’s almost like he’s asked my hand in marriage from the way you’ve bloody said it.”

Their eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, and if they were looking at her as if she was from another world, then now she was an alien to be astonished at. “Are you sure you’re all right, Princess?”

When you discount the fact that she almost bloody drowned, then she was completely fine, dandy even.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I—”

She stopped in the middle of her sentence, staring at them, unblinking, because if this was the first time that she’d come here to meet this so-called Prince, that if she died and he’d be devastated, then… “I’m engaged to him,” she said, more as a statement more than a question.

The truth seemed to settle on her, like a chill that had started down her spine but had stopped halfway, seeping into her bones, because she truly had no idea where she was, who these people were, why they were calling her a princess, and why she was engaged to a man she didn’t know. There were so many questions, and they seemed all the less wiser to her confusion because they seemed just as confused as she was.

Wasn’t she just saving a little boy just a few moments ago?

Then again, she was also drowning a moment ago.

Had she somehow, under the strange powers of the solar eclipse, been taken back to another time period?

She could feel the tightness of the corset restraining the sides of her body, squeezing from every possible direction, as well as the looseness and liberty that she felt near her lower regions in sharp contrast, suggesting that she was in a time nowhere near her present time. She wanted to rip off the corset, to return to her comfortable tees and shorts, to return to her rightful time and era, where technology existed, where her loving family lived, and where she was not being accosted by people who were insistent that she was of royalty.

“You were very much against marrying him,” the brunette said in concern, nodding slightly.

“I was?”

They didn’t delight her with an answer, only looking at her patronisingly, and the sudden sound of frantic horse steps against the hard ground, grabbing their attentions, including her own, her eyes making out the sight of a man nearing them. “Good afternoon, Dorcas, Alice,” he said, nodding at them when he neared them, and then he turned towards her, smiling at her with a crooked grin. “Princess.”

She’d nearly accused him of being just as out of his mind as the others were, would have too, if she didn’t take in the sight of him adorned in an expensive outfit of some sort, seeming to have been made from the finest materials of the time, an outfit almost equally— but not quite there— as attractive as he was, with golden honey-coloured eyes and beautiful unkempt hair that seemed that stick out in every direction, and his appearance itself already screamed out who he was, the so-called Prince as they’d described him. She merely stared at him, unsure of how exactly to respond, was at a complete loss for words because of how unfathomable beautiful he was, and it made so much sense as to why she’d never stumbled upon anyone with an appearance matching his own if men of his like only existed in the past.

His eyebrows drew together when she didn’t answer. “All right, Princess?”

She sighed, because no matter how attractive this man claiming to be a prince was, she was not going to be swayed by these people, who were clearly delusional in their notions of sovereignty. “Look, I don’t know what you lot are on, but I’m not this Princess you make me out to be—”

He looked over to the blonde and brunette, who immediately took this as a cue to slip away, and, so it seemed, it was his turn to sigh now. “I know you don’t want to marry me, but—” He stopped, squinting his eyes at her as he scrutinised the state that she was in. “Princess, are you wet?”

“No, actually, this water materialised out of thin air,” she deadpanned, and upon his confused look, she felt a little bad for him, because it wasn’t his fault she was in this predicament, wasn’t his fault that she was in the wrong time period, wasn’t his fault that she’d taken control of the life of a princess in a past life, even if she wouldn’t admit it herself.

She watched as his eyes flew from her wet hair, then towards the pond, and then back at her, to which his eyebrows flew into his hair, lying beneath the shadows of his dark curly locks as he blinked at her. “Out of morbid curiosity, you didn’t attempt to drown yourself, did you?”  

“I— what?”

“Princess—”

“I have a name, you know,” she interrupted, wanting to know what she was to be addressed as, and he nodded.

“Lily—”

“Lily?” she repeated, unable to conceive just how coincidental it was, that out of all the time periods she could have travelled back to, out of all the people who have lived and ever lived, with people of all names, she’d taken to taking over the life of a woman who shared her name, and she ignored the thud her heart made at how nicely the name had fallen out of his lips, the sound coming out smoother than glass.

“Yes,” he said slowly, as if she was going to interject once again, “Unless you’ve changed your name without my knowledge.”

“I haven’t, Louis,” she responded, knowing full well that that probably wasn’t at all his name, but when she thought back to any king of the past, her mind jumped back to King Louis IV, the Sun King, Bourbon King, that king.

He looked affronted. “My name is James.”

“Are you sure?” she replied, smiling coyly at the fact that he was so named after another famous ruler. Lovely. “I’d thought you’d changed your name without my knowledge.”

The ludicrosity that seemed to have formed on his face seemed to dissipate quickly at the realisation that she’d only been teasing him by using his own words, when really, she had wanted to slyly learn his name without seeming as if she was a case that needed to be taken to whatever this time’s equivalent of a mental institution was. He shook his head at her, that smile back on his face now.

“I’d almost forgotten how clever you are,” he said, a statement that did not require a response, and he instead reached his hand out to help her up, adding, “Only if you don’t mind taking my hand.”

She hesitantly put her hand in his, hoping that he didn’t pose a threat to her and felt warmth spread throughout her person, and at her full height, she could see just how much he towered over her, and he flashed her with that crooked grin of his, the top right corners of his lips gravitating upwards. “What?” she inquired when he did not say anything else.

He shook his head at her. “I can’t say. As much as I’m your betrothed, I feel that I don’t have the right to inform you of your apparent beauty.”

She couldn’t help the flush that had threatened to bloom over her cheeks, spreading like the pollen of a dandelion in the warm spring air, because this man, who she had only known for at most five minutes, was making her feel warmth in her heart that she didn’t know she could feel, for no one had ever made her feel this way before. “You just did.”

He cocked his head to the side, the edges of his lips quirking upwards. “It appears I have,” he agreed, “Your cheeks are redder than your hair.”

Her hand shot up to her hair, feeling the damp braids beneath her fingers, still very much secured around her hair, and she reached around to where the pins were holding them up, because surely she had to look completely different. She couldn’t look the same as she did from her time because how could people recognise her if she looked the same? Her hair came out loose, and she ignored the way in which his eyes widened at her actions, as if it was a bloody crime to walk around with loose hair.

She picked up a strand of her hair, and drawing it up close to her face, she nearly threw it down in frustration.

It was the same exact shade as the hair that she’d become familiar with seeing everyday when she looked into her mirror, and she rushed over to the water, staring at her reflection as her very own face looked back at her, looking terrified of this newfound discovery, causing at least a million more questions to form in her head about just what was happening.

This was all too strange to be reality, she thought, yet so fascinating. She pinched herself, testing to see if this truly was real or if she was dreaming and jumped when she felt pain shoot through herself, and she wondered if the universe had intended to send her back to this time for whatever reason, because this couldn’t at all be a random event, not when the weather was involved, not when she could make out the traces of emerald-coloured green in her reflection’s eyes.

His reflection appeared beside hers quickly, a ripple appearing in the water. “Er, Princess?” he asked her, frowning slightly, “All right there?”

No, she wasn’t all right.

She was in a time and place that she couldn’t even pinpoint, her only company being a man who she didn’t even know for sure that she could trust, and she was being mistaken for a bloody princess for goodness sake. The green of the grass wasn’t as green as how she was used to seeing it, a shade perhaps just a few tints off from the vivid green that frequented her vision, and the flowers that were growing in the hedge in the near distant were of a different species than she was used to smell, and undoubtedly if she were to go over to sniff their aromas right now, she’d smell something completely different than what she was used to.

Why would she be all right, when the only coherent emotions that she could truly understand were bewilderment and slight fear at the unfamiliarity of everything?

Obviously, she smiled like there wasn’t a torrential whirlwind that was her thoughts going on in her head. “Never been better.”

He smile widened attractively, and she wondered vaguely if the universe had sent her back solely because men of her own time were the lowest of the low, because she surely had never met anyone as attractive or irritatingly charming as he was, but no, that couldn’t be why. The universe surely would exist just to play matchmaker with her. If that had been the case— and it surely wasn’t— then they would have easily been born in the same time together.

There was no time for any more speculation, because she suddenly felt herself being placed atop the very same horse that he’d entered on and his presence right in front of her, the warmth emanating from his figure as if he was a fire. “What are you doing?”

He looked at her strangely, which, honestly, was a face that she was used to seeing. “Heading towards the castle? You nearly drowned right there.”

“I’m fine,” she assured him, “I inhaled water. I didn’t bloody get stabbed, Doctor James, M.D.”

He sighed. “Princess, I’ve much to believe that the reason as to why you had taken it upon yourself to drown is because you don’t want to marry me. Please, at least let me make sure that you are physically unharmed.”

She resigned, beginning to nod only to realise that he couldn’t see her, not when he was facing forward, and she sagged against his back, muttering, “All right.”

*****

Her irritation only seemed to grow more and more by the day.

She didn’t want to be here, and as horrible as Petunia was, she still longed to return home, to her parents, to Mary, and this castle just wasn’t for her, just didn’t give her the sense of homeliness that she longed for. It was much too overwhelming for her, Lily Evans, who had lived in a family where her parents made just enough for provide for her and her sister, and she couldn’t at all fathom how people could live in it without feeling overwhelmed by the grandeur of it all.

And the poor prince, who was obviously trying his absolute hardest to make sure that she didn’t accidentally purposely try to stab him to death, was terribly patient with her for a reason unbeknownst to her.

She’d forsaken her shoes— if one could even call them shoes— as well as her corset, James at least having the decency to turn around despite the dress being long enough to cover her as she threw the material somewhere in the dirt, and he had the audacity to look at her strangely, as if comfortableness was a construct that she be abolished. She was not about to let her poor organs shift under the weight and restrain of the bloody fabric, especially when she could give a rat’s arse about how small her waist was. Hello, she was a woman, not a mannequin to be ogled at. She was going to wear just whatever she fancied wearing.

The castle physician had told them that she was fine, to which she let out a sound of triumph towards James, and she all but marched out of the castle with him close on her tail, as if she was his responsibility. She might have been his betrothed, but she could manage everything on her own just well, thank you very much.

She sat down on a stone rather than on the bare grass, because she knew that the maids would wind up having to clean her clothes whether she liked it or not, and not getting any grass stains on the dress spared them at least some semblance of painstaking effort, though she did grant herself the liberty of burying her feet in the soft grass. He merely stared at her, as if the physician hadn’t taken into account that her state of mind would be out of whack from nearly drowning, but after a while, probably because he found it difficult to remain standing when she looked to be the epitome of comfort, he sat down on the stone beside her, being sure to leave a reasonable distance between them.

“You’re upset,” he observed, and her eye twitched slightly.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“As far as I’ve known, I’m fairly certain that I’m the person dictating what emotions I feel.”

“Lily, I— I know you don’t like me. Hell, you nearly drowned yourself because you hold ill-disguised feelings towards me—”

“I don’t not like you,” she interrupted him, “I don’t like this.”

“This?” he repeated, “What is ‘this’?”

“I’m a bloody princess,” she laughed in incredulity, and because he probably didn’t know what to else to do in this situation with her, he awkwardly laughed along, waiting for her to continue, “I just— You’re not going to believe me if I tell you the truth.”

“I reckon the fact that I’ve yet to throw you in the dungeons tells enough.”

“It’d look like treason if you were to throw me into the dungeons.”

“I— yes,” he agreed, “But what I am trying to saying is that I will believe you with whatever it is that you intend to tell me.”

She looked at him sceptically. “Promise you won’t throw me in the dungeons?”

He threw her a small, lopsided grin. “I’ll stay true to my word.”

She nodded, focusing her eyes on the ground, her foot playing with a tiny pebble nearby. “I’m not really the Princess.”

She felt his eyes on her. “Is that so?” he asked quietly. She nodded. “Sorry. I do believe you, only you’re exactly like the Princess. You have the exact same looks and personality, and—” His cheeks flushed red, and he cleared his throat, looking to say something completely differently from what he’d probably intended to say. “It’s hard to fathom, is all. I don’t believe you have bad intentions or that you’re an evil sorceress, but I’m glad that you trust me enough to tell me.”

Her shoulders drooped with relief because he didn’t think she was crazy, and if he did think she crazy, then he was at least kind enough to not say anything about her state of mind. “I— please don’t tell anyone.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I don’t even know how it happened myself.”

“I realised that.”

“Only that it happened during a solar eclipse, and I got pulled down water and ended up here instead.”

He blinked at her before nodding, taking her information in. She hoped that he wasn’t thinking about how completely insane she appeared to be. When he didn’t say anything else, apparently seeming to still process her words, he looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile. “I don’t think you’re mad, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s not too far off from what you’ve said about not being the Princess.”

“I— thank you.”

They drifted into a comfortable silence, or perhaps it was uncomfortable for him, but she distracted herself by watching as her toes sifted through the grass, the tingling sensation growing as she kept at it. Perhaps he couldn’t take the silence anymore, because then he opened his mouth once again, saying, “Do you know what you’re planning to do now? And, is your name Lily, or is it something else? I’d rather not call you by something that you don’t prefer being called.”

“Lily’s my name. I was being truthful about that, but I honestly have no idea what to do. I— When was the wedding supposed to be?”

He grimaced at her question. “You won’t like the answer.”

“You know that doesn’t at all convince me to give it. It makes me want to know the answer even more.”

His eyes flickered towards her, and he heaved a big sigh. “It’s tomorrow.”

Laughter bubbled from her chest. “Oh, you’re hilarious, you Prince, you. That’s— oh god. I nearly thought you said—” She stopped, blinking once, then twice, then another time, and her head swiveled over in his direction, her eyes widening to nearly the size of her head. “Tomorrow?”

“I said you wouldn’t like the answer, didn’t I?”

“I— is that why you thought that I’d drowned myself earlier today?”

He nodded grimly. “I’m sorry, Lily,” he told her earnestly, and the manner in which he said it, with apology written all over his face, made her believe him, that this wasn’t a half-hearted attempt to make her feel better. She couldn’t at all believe the circumstances in which she was pulled into, because to be brought back in time as a member of royalty was inconceivable enough, but to have that happen with the fact that she was to be wed to a man that she hardly knew the next day was absolutely surreal, strange, terrifying. “I don’t know how it happened, and I know you probably wanted to marry for love, that is, if you ever wanted to get married. I’m sorry you’ve no other choice, and if it was up to me, I’d make sure that we not get married if it made you happier—”

“I’ll do it,” she cut him off, and it was his turn to be taken by surprise.

“Sorry?”

Sorry was indeed the right reaction. When had she decided…?

Perhaps it was the fact that he looked so uncomfortable talking about a decision where they both had no say in and she’d taken pity upon the poor man, but perhaps there was also the fact that it might have possibly been fun to be married to— No, what was she saying?

“Like you said, we don’t really have much of a choice, do we? And I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, if I’m not stuck here forever, but I think I should help your kingdom somehow. This marriage will create an alliance, will it?”

Was that what she was saying? She honestly had no idea.

“Yes, but you are completely fine with it, are you?” he asked her in concern, “I don’t want you to drown yourself because you hate it. I want you to know that you have a choice. There’s also the possibility that you— I, well, I reckon it’s easier if I show you.”

“Show me… what?” His penis?

“I’ve got a book in my bedroom, and I swear I’ve no ulterior motives. It has stories of soulmates— don’t know if you believe in that sort of stuff, though. I— see, it explains that every person has an infinite amount of lifetimes that they will spend with the same person each life, and I think that might give you some solace in the fact that you’ll maybe go back to your own time and meet your soulmate. You’ll forget about good old me, your soon-to-be first husband, and move on to your real love in another life. But as for now, I hope to at least be a good husband to you.”

Her eyes softened at his admission. “Thank you.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything, and—”

“Thank you for not making fun of me.”

He smiled kindly at her, and she felt her heart skip a beat at the expression on his face. “‘Course. I don’t see why I would do that to you. You’re going through enough as it is.”

And for that, she appreciates his gestures.

*****

The marriage had been quite the formal event, given the giant crowd that had amassed to watch their wedding. A wedding. At nineteen years old. Well.

She’d never imagined marrying this young, but then again, she’d never expected for any of this to happen to her. She didn’t think that she’d be holding hands with someone so soon, especially not with someone who she’d walk down the aisle with. This wasn’t real, she reminded herself— well, it wasn’t genuinely real, their love was. They couldn’t have something that didn’t exist, and perhaps a marriage with a man, who hopefully wasn’t one of those horrendous unpredictable men, was better than a life in the dungeons.

She was sent here for a reason— whatever reason unbeknownst to her— and obviously if the universe had deliberately sent her here out of all places, perhaps marriage was the first task that she’d have to accomplish.

The mere fact that she looked and acted exactly like the princess whose life she’d taken over was quite terrifying, meaning that the universe either replicated people over time— a simple copy and paste over a few centuries should do the trick— or past lives were a real occurence, and she had happened to end up back in a time where her past life had existed. If the latter was true, then she quite fancied the notion that she used to be a princess, even if she didn’t have any memories of ever being royal until a mere few hours ago, when she’d been put in the position of one.

The two castle maids, who she didn’t at all like to refer to them as since Alice and Dorcas worked completely fine, had helped her into the wedding gown, which, she supposed truly was beautiful, with its ivory lace cascading like a waterfall over the bodice and down the actual gown, though it had taken much convincing for her to squeeze into another one of those cursed corsets. She genuinely hoped that her organs remained intact by the end of the day, if she could manage to keep it there for that long, but she’d like to think that she was strong enough to endure it. If she could bloody withstand nearly a week of pain for practically the entirety of her lifetime, she was sure she could endure voluntary pain.

And James— soon to be King James, this James who did not write any new additions to the Bible— looked quite handsome, more than handsome, in his wedding attire, and if looks were a major prerequisite in who she deemed the love of her life, then he was most definitely the love of her life, what with his tousled hair that had still somehow made him a million times more attractive and his suit, embellished with intricate designs that probably cost more than her modern lifetime was worth.

Unfortunately— or perhaps fortunately— she did not date based solely on looks, though she’d much prefer if a man was at least decent looking, not exactly wanting to kiss a pair of lips that belonged to any unattractive man, in both the figurative and literal sense, if she even got that far with someone.

When they’d said their wedding vows, which was quite the difference from what she was accustomed to back in her real time and had only really included them agreeing to everything that the minister was saying, they were told to seal their vows off with a kiss, which, honestly, she should have expected. It brought her back to her other point about kissing briefly, but he’d leaned forward not too soon after, his eyes asking for her consent before she nodded smally. He smiled softly at her, pressing his lips against hers, though not for too long.

The length of the kiss didn’t matter though. How could it matter, when he’d so obviously invested in this time’s equivalent to chapstick, his lips so soft and lush against hers, but more importantly, when his touch had sent warmth, fire, throughout her body, starting from her lips to every other part of her, and she nearly, almost, thought that she was getting married to a man that she loved, because no one had most definitely made her feel this way from just a kiss.

The cheers from the crowds pulled them apart, and she snapped out of it, pulling away, but not too harshly to the point that someone would notice her haste to get away from him. She’d nearly missed the manner in which his face had been contorted, twisted together as if he was confused by something, but it quickly shifted to content, almost as if he hadn’t been taken aback in the first place.

If he could be nonplussed about it, she could be as well.

It was easier said than done.

*****

“The roses are as red as your hair,” he pointed out one day as they walked through the gardens together, his hands in his pockets rather than intertwined with hers, despite the new title that they carried with one another. It was probably for the better, anyway, because it was a bit awkward already with her having no chance but to move into his bedroom, though he’d been insistent that she take the bed and he the small lounge chair. She argued back that he had loads of empty bedrooms in the castle, and it wouldn’t at all hurt for her to just move in across the room or stay in the room that she’d taken to staying in the night before their marriage.

Obviously, their argument led to both of them sharing the bed together, because the grand size of it was more than enough to bed an entire family of dwarfs without any discomfort on any of their ends.

“You’re going to be a bit more original if you want to flatter me.”

“Why? We’re already married.”

“Married, not in love,” she pointed out, and she felt a small burst of victory at the way his lip had twitched in response. He leaned down to the flowers, pinching the stem with his fingers, careful not to prick himself on one of the thorns, and he managed to procure a rose, still fully intact, holding it out to her.

“Is your heart fluttering, my love?” he asked her, and she didn’t want to satisfy him, didn’t want him to know that her heart wasn’t merely fluttering but was blowing at approximately 156 miles per hour, almost the exact speed of that of a category 5 hurricane. She told herself that he was only using the dear phrase ironically, but to see an attractive man holding an equally beautiful flower out to her was nearly enough to just send chillpricks down her spine.

“‘Is your garden all right?’ is the real question,” she retorted, though she still accepted the flower from his hand. She’d have put it in her hair if it didn’t blend in with the colour, and what honestly was the point if one couldn’t see the work of nature? “You’ve killed this flower, you have.”

“There’s loads of opportunities for it to get replaced. The way that I see it, nature still carries on, and the next bunch will be as equally nice.”

“You’re getting quite poetic, you know,” she chirped, “Is it a course you’re required to take as a prince?”

“Flattering beautiful women?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

She snorted. “If that’s a course, then I’d say you’ve failed.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh, big time.”

“I’m sorry. I’d thought I’d passed because I ended up marrying the prettiest woman in this kingdom. World, even,” he apologised, though he had absolutely no reason to be, and the amusement in his tone told her that he was well aware of that fact as well. He held his hand out to her, and she merely looked at it, confused as to what he was insinuating. “Shall we continue onwards?”

She continued staring at his hand, the offending hand that had plucked a rose just for her to scorn at, and when she didn’t reach out, he sighed, stuffing it back into his pocket before walking forward without waiting for her. “Oi!” she called out, and he stopped, turning around to look at her with a small pleased expression on his face, “You can’t just drop a compliment to me and then leave. That’s not very chivalrous of someone as noble as you are.”

With that, she pulled his hand out of his pocket, slapping her hand into his and squeezing it tightly, out of emphasis more than anything else. “Then, would you say that I have passed my class of courting women?”

“Oh, sure,” she replied nonchalantly as they resumed walking, “I’d even say you’re top of your class.”

“Is that the case?”

She made a sound of agreement. “Considering the fact that you’d essentially be the only pupil, yes.”

He sighed dramatically, unclasping their hands so that he could clutch his heart. “Oh, you wound me, my love.”

“I suppose that means that you’ve also failed your defense classes.”

“Oh, not I,” he refuted, having taken to holding her hand once again and consequently filling her heart with flowers nearly akin to the bright red roses decorating the walkways of the castle grounds, “I merely let you defeat me this round.”

“And if we were to battle without going easy on the other?”

“Your question implies that you truly don’t know the outcome of such an event.”

“I’d like to know your take on it.”

“The answer is quite obvious.”

“To an opinionated question?” she retorted, stifling a snort, “Oh, yes. Please, enlighten the slow thinkers.”

His lips quirked upwards, and he zeroed in on her face, close enough so that if he were to exhale an obnoxious breath right onto her, she’d feel every single particle of his breath on her face. “I’d win.”

This time, she did snort, and the atmosphere had been ruined so much by his response that she probably should have expected— she did expect it really, and if not, then he would have said something along the lines of how he’d never not give up the opportunity to let her win to gain her favour. It caused her to drop her hand from his, and it flew up to her mouth instead, hiding her smile as she laughed at his ridiculousness. “I don’t doubt that you’ve all the brawn and brute, but god, I just—”

She couldn’t finish her sentence, laughing even more at his response, not out of rudeness, but more out of the fact that it was just so him, this man that she’d only known for the most of a week, this man that she was bloody married to, whether she liked it or not, and the situation felt all the better when he joined in with her, with his eyes crinkling and shining and lips drawn upwards to reveal the dimple on his right cheek. He looked victorious in having been able to draw such a reaction from her, and with that, it only served to make him look so much more attractive than he already was, because there was something so beautiful about how a genuine smile could enhance a person’s features so much.

When their laughter died down, his smile remained, and his gaze upon her held curiosity as if it was difficult to pull away from her face, his honey-coloured eyes gleaming. Each time that he tried to pry his smile from his face, it only bounced back as if it were a magnet drawn towards her. “Princess.”

“Lily,” she corrected him, and he nodded easily.

“Lily,” he said, and the next words that fell out his lips came out rushed, as if they were kayaking in turbulent waters. “May I kiss you? Only there’s something so captivating about the way you smile, and I’d feel as if my heart might deflate if I couldn’t give you at least one genuine kiss.”

She felt herself swallowing at his admission, because there was something so sincere in his words, which were so swirling with apprehension that he’d be shot down, that she couldn’t even pull herself to turning him down even if she didn’t want to kiss him, and heaven knows that she would be an absolute idiot to tell him no.

Her mind flashed back to the fairytales that she’d read as a child, the magic ever so present in the air when she read the expected ‘happily ever after’ near the end of the story, where she was filled with content knowing that all of the actions of the princess had not been all for naught. It was strange now to be put in a similar situation, with the prince’s desires all balled up in the hopes that she told him the simple, three-lettered word that would change everything between them.

“What?” she said instead, blinking up at him.

No, no, no. This was not the word she was supposed to say. It was one letter too many, and right now, they could have been—

No.

She could still fix this, could still secure that momentary happily ever after, that momentary happy for now, because there was no denying the feelings that she held for him. She laughed at the movies where the two main characters had fallen all too easily for one another, had scorned them, having thought that this was far too unrealistic to ever happen to anyone, yet alone her, a romantic at heart and at soul, despite never having really found the one person to stand beside in times of comfort and need.

But it couldn’t be helped now, her feelings that was. Perhaps she’d been sent back to this time because she’d easily been born in the wrong time and place, or maybe this was all a fluke, that the universe hadn’t at all intended for her to be taken back by a few centuries.

Oh, what did it matter?

She wanted to kiss him. She’d be lying to herself and the universe if she said that she hadn’t thought about how soft his lips felt or how she most definitely had not dreamed about him, even though physically he was beside her when all of these unconscious experiences had manifested in her mind. He was sweet and charming and shared her sense of humour, not to mention just how undeniable beautiful he was.

She cleared her throat. “Yes. You can kiss me. Please,” she added, just as an afterthought, and his eyes, which had been widened at her abrupt response, seemed to shine even brighter, and the sensations which she’d been thinking of for nearly the past week had come to her once again as soon as his lips has fallen onto hers, his hands cupping her chin gently.

His lips tasted of sugar, were sweet as sugar, and the rose in her hand fell to the ground, though she did not pay it much heed, knowing that he’d continue to pluck more from the bushes surrounding them as he deemed fit. His hands flew up to her hair, pulled into a nice, neat plait, and she heard the sounds of an hour of work on her hair being thrown to the dust, the pins falling to the ground as he undid it, threading his fingers— rough yet gentle— through her loosened strands before his hands returned to her face, tracing her cheeks as if he were mesmerised by them, by her.

It was absolutely nothing compared to their wedding kids that they’d share, because now, they had no audience to watch, no one to see just how nearly passionate they were together. It was as if the moon collided with the sun, fell right against him, yet rather than darkness that would fall upon the world, their connection sent sunshine all around, as if this was all meant to be, as if he universe had made it so that they were supposed to meet, only except she’d been born in the wrong time and this was the only way for them to ever come across one another.

Perhaps, perhaps, they were soulmates, two parts that made up one, just as the sun and the moon came together in times of an eclipse, drawing astonishment from the collective world because of just how perfectly they seemed to fit with one another.

And maybe she was exaggerating it just a bit— after all, they’d only known each other for such a short time— but, of course, her feelings could really be summed up with the fact that she didn’t want this kiss to end, didn’t want him to pull away just yet, just ever.

Like all good things though, it had to come to an end, though she hoped there would be many more, and—

Wait.

No.

There couldn’t be more, and she couldn’t at all remember the last time a man had given her such irrational thoughts, because returning to her own real time was so much more important than how bloody sweet his lips tasted or just how soft his hair felt beneath her fingertips as they thrummed through the motions of such a moment. It didn’t— shouldn’t— matter just how warm he made her feel, sending a fiery sensation throughout her body, tiptoeing to every one of her vital organs and setting them aflame.

She had to go back, and he was well aware of the fact that she didn’t belong her just as much she understood that mere fact, meaning that this was quite possibly the worst decision she’d ever made in her life, but—

Oh, who was she kidding? This was most definitely not the worst of her many mistakes, wasn’t even a mistake, really, not when he was just so good at what he was doing, and when she felt him pulling away, she pulled him right back, her lips curving upwards when he didn’t protest her actions.

“Lily,” he murmured, and she hummed in response, feeling his lips leave hers, “Are we perhaps going a bit too far?”

“People kiss all the time,” she replied, and from the look on his face, she quickly added, “From what I’m used to seeing, I mean.”

“But, what about…?” he asked, trailing off, and he blinked at her, his eyebrows drawing together adorably in confusion as his eyes diverted up from her face up to her hair as he reached out for the strands. “Did I do this?”

“It’s more of what you undid, really,” she said, smiling lightly as she ran her fingers through the waves, feeling a few knots as she made her way downwards. He looked at her in disbelief, as if he wasn’t quite sure if she truly was fine with what he had done, but then he reflected her smile, an easy-going smile that went well with the roses surrounding his image as she saw him.

“It’s pretty. You’re pretty. No, beautiful. If you’ve any synonyms that bring your appearance more justice, do tell. ‘Beautiful’ doesn’t even fully describe how beautiful you are.”

She felt her cheeks redden at his admission. “I suppose your words do make my face turn as red as the roses.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, my love. You’re just as lovely as the roses.”

His words only served to brighten the red on her cheeks, and she pulled him down to her height once more.

*****

The week turned into weeks, and then months, and with each passing day, with each passing second, she felt her feelings turning into something real, yet almost so out of this world that she couldn’t possibly fathom just how strongly she felt towards James, this man, who was quite possibly so imperfectly perfect that he couldn’t truly be real.

And falling in love with him was just as easy as loving the roses created to fill the world with just a bit more beauty, with just the desire to send more happiness throughout the world, especially when the sight of such brought delight to the faces of those who were lovely enough to receive them in dozens. He filled her world with his beauty and his ability to easily bring a smile to her face, whether it was from his ostentatious declarations or his humorous words, it did not matter, because he was such a joy in her world that it was bleak to think of without him.

She didn’t want to think about returning home.

It was a topic that they both avoided, because she knew that he knew that she didn’t want to talk about it, and he respected her enough to not bring it up to her, not until she was ready to bring it up herself.

They had been walking over the bridge, the very same one that overlooked the pond that had brought her to this place— the kingdom of Gryffindor—, with her arms strung around his, a sure tell sign to the rest of the kingdom of just how very well they felt towards one another, if their other unsubtle displays of affection didn’t already show it.

“There is a solar eclipse tonight,” he told her, “Do you think it would bring you back?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, “I haven’t thought of it.”

“I know that this is completely wrong of me to say, but would it change anything to tell you that I don’t want you to go?”

She shook her head. “It’s completely understandable. I don’t want to leave you. I— I don’t even know what will happen. Will anything even happen? What if I leave you alone for the rest of your—“

He cut her off with a kiss, a slow, loving kiss that seemed to melt all her worries away, even if just for a small given moment. “Please don’t entertain that thought. Let’s cherish this time together. I know you can’t stay here forever.”

She took a deep breath, smiling softly at him, memorising every inch of his features, knowing that this might very well be the last time she’d ever make contact with the golden sequins that were his eyes or feel his warm embrace, so warm that he was practically the sun to her moon, shining so bright that all she could do is reflect his light to the best of her abilities in an attempt to pay tribute to his brilliance. “James—”

He cut her off by securing his arms around her, holding her in a tight embrace, and she didn’t want him to let go, not now, not ever. He rested his chin on her shoulder, telling her softly, “A lot of things are uncertain. We could have been in love 100 years ago. We could be in love 100 years from now. We don’t know that, but what I do know is that right now, I am so in love with you, Lily. I will always be in love with you.”

She froze in his arms, though inside of her, she felt just about every single inch of her bursting with movement, what with the manner in which her heart was racing and her lungs so in need of air, because his words echoed within her, a drum that proclaimed that he felt just as strongly as she felt towards him. And each heartbeat of hers measured the time that passed between his words and her silence, and she felt tears stinging her eyes, her arms gripping him tighter as she buried her face into his chest, a place that she’d found to be her comfort as of late.

She felt like such an idiot, because any rational person would know that it was absolutely idiotic to fall for someone who they couldn’t have, or at least for a person who was born centuries before, in a time that was completely far off from one’s own time, yet here she was, so in love that it was hard to breathe, hard to completely process every thought that struck her as she looked at him.

He felt her shaking slightly, she could tell, because he suddenly reached up to wipe at her eyes, “Don’t cry, my love,” he told her gently, and her heart nearly burst, because she would most likely never hear those endearing terms of affection from him, from anyone, ever again, and he had raised the bar so high that she’d never find anyone else, not that she wanted to find anyone else. “We’re soulmates, remember?”

“Are we?” she asked, sniffling lightly, “I don’t believe we’ve established that.”

He didn’t take her words seriously though, just as she knew that he wouldn’t, and he smiled at her, pulling away from her to press a kiss on her lips, one too was far too quick for her to respond to, but before she could deepen it, he retracted from her. “Say that we’re soulmates.”

“The universe’s decision to drop me off in front of your castle does not constitute us as soulmates.”

“It does.”

“It does not.”

“So you are saying we’re soulmates?” he asked her, and she looked at him with an eyebrow raised, her eyes narrowed slightly before softening quickly at the sight of him.

“Yes,” she answered, and he laughed, reaching forward to press another kiss on her lips. She was overcome with a feeling, a feeling of what felt like bliss mixed in with something else, as he deepened the kiss, her hands tracing his face and her eyes closed. It quite possibly looked to be the most perfect moment of her life, with them standing over the bridge overlooking the mysterious waters, a serene and tranquil scene, with both of them not knowing that at that very moment, the water was reflecting the passing of the moon over the sun, blocking nearly all light from reaching the surface of the earth.

She didn’t think that this would be the last second she’d ever spend with him.

It was the very last thought that raced through her mind as she felt all energy seep from her bones and dissipate into the air. She hadn’t gotten the opportunity to tell him that she loved him, no matter how much she knew that he knew the true extent of her feelings, because words gave power to meanings, and she had to say it, had to, but then her eyes flew shut, and—

She felt herself collapsing into his arms, a soft thud that was undoubtedly nothing compared to how heavy she felt their hearts sink.

*****

She felt herself coughing up water, and she knew that there was really only one logical explanation as to what had just happened to her, but she still didn’t want to open her eyes, because to open her eyes would mean that she wouldn’t see him anywhere in her sight.

Still, she braced herself, her eyes opening slowly, only to be greeted by the sun, glaring brightly at her, such a juxtaposition to the pain within her that only made her heart pang, a soft reminder of how much she’d compared him to the sun, and the moon, which was far from the sun now, was a sure-tell sign that the eclipse had come to an abrupt end.

He was gone.

He wasn’t anywhere in the crowds that had gathered around her, curious to see who had somehow managed to nearly drown during a time of a solar eclipse— a phenomenon that happened just as often as one met the love of their lives— and had also somehow managed to take their eyes off of said eclipse. She’d looked not once, not twice, but three times for him, and she’d strained her ears in hopes that he would call out to her using the cursed phrase that never failed to make her heart fly, that wonderfully wretched ‘My love,’ but he wasn’t there, wasn’t anywhere.

She wondered if he felt as lonely as she felt right now, even with all of these people surrounding her, but she pushed that thought to the side, if just temporarily, because she was greeted with the sight of her family, her family that she hadn’t seen in so long, and perhaps, she would be able to move on from him, her first love, with the passing of time.

Soulmates, he had said— they had said.

She remembered the book that he’d so brought up to her, one with a scarlet red spine with the title Eternally Bonded, but she’d never so once as picked it up, never having the need to because he’d described enough of it to her for her to completely visualize it. Now though, she needed to find this book to get closure from it more than anything else, because she couldn’t very well tell anyone about what she had gone through in those seeming ten minutes— ten minutes that had actually turned out to be four months— that she’d been away.

She didn’t want to entertain the fact that it could have been a dream. It couldn’t have been a dream, because it felt so vivid and real that she couldn’t have possibly conjured up such images, couldn’t have possibly fallen in love with a figment of her own imagination.

He was real, and that book would prove it to her. She had to find it, quickly, because each morning, she’d slowly but surely wake up with one less detail about him forgotten. She didn’t want to forget about him, and so she’d ventured to the library in search of answers.

She needed to know his fate, couldn’t even ring him up to ask because he wasn’t there to answer.

It led her to a visit to the only place in the world with the answers.

The library was quiet, a peaceful atmosphere that only served to increase the surge of thoughts about him flowing through her head, as she very well didn’t have a distraction to occupy her mind, and a quick search in showed that the library did indeed have a copy of the original book, directing her to the history section.

Luck, as she had it, would of course place the book at the very top shelf, the only shelf that she couldn’t reach because she had not been blessed with height, and she wouldn’t have been mad, knowing that practically nobody in search of a good read came to the library to read history, had it not been for the fact that the answer that she’d so desperately searched for was right there, out of her reach.

“Someone looks like they’re having some trouble there,” a voice said behind her, and she jumped about a foot or two off of the ground at the suddenness, though there was something so familiar about the voice that she couldn’t help but to turn around, the sight of such causing her heart to lurch, causing her to remember the exact shade of his eyes, lovely and golden and brown, a detail that she shamed herself in forgetting.

He was right there, not in his royal wear, but in a green hoodie and square glasses, staring at her with amusement written all over his face, and she wanted to cry, wanted to laugh because he was there. “James—”

He blinked at her, amusement turning into confusion. “I— yeah, that’d be my name. Dunno how you know it, but yeah. That’d be it.” He looked at her strangely, easily reaching up to take the book that she so seeked, but before she could take it from his hands and thank him, he read the description of it on the book aloud. “You actually buy this soulmate crap? Sounds like a load of rubbish, if you ask me.”

If she hadn’t physically fallen upon her knees, then her heart was kicked to the curb instead.

This wasn’t him, wasn’t her James, no matter how much he looked like him, how much he sounded like him, because her James was a strong believer in fate, and her heart hung heavier than it did the past week at the realisation that she would never see him again. She tried to snatch the book from his hands, but he was much taller than her, so much to the point that she didn’t stand a chance in retrieving it from him. “Right, I believe that it’s a load of rubbish to be insulting the interests of someone you don’t even know.”

“Is that how you feel?” he responded, his lips quirking upwards, and she merely raised an eyebrow at him. He stuck out the hand that wasn’t holding the book out to her, saying, “I’d tell you my name, but apparently you already know it.”

She scrutinised his hand, though she didn’t shake it, folding her arms instead. “Lily Evans.”

“Perfect,” he grinned, “We’re not so much as strangers now, are we?”

“Oh, sure,” she replied dryly, “I’d even consider us friends if you let me—” She made another attempt to take the book from his books but failed, his arm pulling upwards at the last second to keep her from taking it. “—Have the bloody book.”

It was quite terrifying at the fact that he looked so much like him, was a carbon copy of her James and shared his name, the only real difference being that he wasn’t as this cocky as she’d remembered him to be, but at her frustration, he smiled, a smile that was just so him, a smile that brought warmth to her heart, a wonder that she would later marvel at. Right now, though, she was irritated by him, and so she took it upon herself to shift all of her weight onto a foot, stepping on his shoe, to which he let out a small yelp, and when his grip on the book loosened, she pried it from his fingers, letting out a quick apology before leaving him.

It wasn’t long until she’d settled down at a table when he decided to occupy the next seat right beside her, similar to a persistent bug whose goal was to annoy her to no end.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

“Goes to say a lot if I’ve taken to hanging out in a bloody library, doesn’t it?”

“I’m sure when this library was built its creators had much better purposes in mind rather than to let people chat up strangers.”

“You’ve forgotten one small fact,” he brought up, the corner of his lip rising, “We’re not strangers.”

“Right, because knowing someone’s name makes you perfectly knowledgeable about them.”

“Precisely,” he grinned, and he picked up the book from her, not out of her reach, but just enough to examine it, “You think it’s weird that this was in the history section, though? I’d have expected it to be of the Lord of the Rings genre, fantasy and all of that.”

“I heard you the first time you called the concept of soulmates rubbish. Just because you don’t believe in love—”

“I said I didn’t believe in soulmates, not love.”

She scoffed at him, flipping open the book, and hypocrisy seemed to be looking at her directly in the eye when he leaned over to get a view of the pages. “You seem quite interested for someone who doesn’t believe in the contents of this book.”

“‘Course I’m interested,” he replied easily, shooting her a grin, and she tried her hardest to not grimace at him, because it shouldn’t— doesn’t— matter how much he looked and sounded like her love. Her heart should not flutter at his words; it’d been much too short for her to have such a reaction from someone else, no matter the technicalities that held that it had been centuries since she’d been with her love, no matter the fact that she had to move on.

She flipped open the page rather than saying a word to him. He at least had the mind to not say anything else, though he’d moved the book over so that he could get a good view of the pages, and she resigned, letting him read along with her so as to keep him quiet, but her hopes were thrown to the dust, because of course he was one of the types to always have something to say.

“As the world would have it, soulmates cannot live in a world without the other. In such cases, the universe may work to bring them together, just as the sun and the moon align in three dimensions,” he read, and he scoffed, opening his mouth to add a comment, but she quickly cut him off.

“Where do you see that?” she asked, because she’d only just finished reading the first page, and nowhere did it say anything about an eclipse.

“Right here,” he said, tapping the part that she’d yet to read, and she wondered how he was able to read so quickly, unless he’d taken to skimming, but from his manner, she had a feeling that he was reading it word-for-word, bit-by-bit in order to scour every piece of information he could get just to prove his argument. “Are you telling me that you really think this is legitimate? It’s about as believable as astrology.”

“That’s rich coming from you. I’m surprised you haven’t asked for my birthday to check our compatibility.”

He grinned at her. “If you wanted to know my birthday, you could have just asked, Evans.”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

Her eyes continued flying over the page, ignoring the rush that her heart got from their banter, and as he drummed his fingers against the table, she could tell that he was waiting for her to finish reading.

There has never been an instance where two souls have been separated from one another through life and death. They will always unite in their next life.

Those mere lines caused her to heart to thrum out with hope, that she hadn’t left him alone by himself, hadn’t merely brought feeling to his heart only for her to squash it down, because if these lines were true, then she hadn’t left him, not really, if the universe had a way of making two people eternally happy upon meeting one another. She’d probably left the boy sitting beside her terrified, because the change in her disposition was so sudden, so quick to change, that anyone would have been startled by her.

It had meant that she was to be united with him once again.

And as she turned around to face him, feeling stars in her eyes and in her heart, it was as if the revelation had impaired her vision, because the way he was looking at her made her heart fill with love, a look that was so strikingly identical to that of her love’s that it terrified her. His gaze seemed to be burning a hole into her, so intense that she couldn’t help but shiver, an action that snapped him out of it as he cocked an eyebrow at her.

That moment, seemingly, was short-lasting.

“You cold?” he asked her, and before she could answer, without any hesitation, he pulled his sweatshirt over his head, handing it out to her as the bulges in his arms were revealed, “Here.”

“I’m not cold,” she said stubbornly, but he didn’t appear to believe her, his arm still spread out towards her.

“Don’t make me force this onto you.”

“I hope you realise that even if I was cold, I wouldn’t accept it. We’re not close like that,” she replied, and, as an afterthought, she added, “And wouldn’t that just make you cold?”

“Nah. I don’t get cold.”

“The hairs standing up on your arms say otherwise.”

“You must be staring pretty hard to notice my arm hairs.”

“I’ve got to look somewhere if a certain someone is keeping me from staring at these pages.”

“I’m doing you a favour by keeping you from reading.”

“You’ve been reading with me,” she pointed out, “For whatever reason that’s beyond me.”

He flashed her a lopsided smile, placing his arm with his sweatshirt down on the table. “Right? I dunno. It’s just— you look so bloody familiar to me and I don’t even know why.”

“I’m sure it’s because you’ve seen loads of redheads with green eyes around.”

He shook his head. “Not any as pretty as you. Sorry. Is that too forward of me?”

“I kind of got that some forwardness when you told me you were interested in me,” she deadpanned, though it didn’t at all mean that his words didn’t send a torrent of feelings to her heart, because they most definitely had, and she wanted to think it was all because of how much he looked like her love, but the small part of her knew that that wasn’t the case, that there was some deeper meaning.

She knew that it couldn’t just be coincidence that she’d stumbled upon someone who looked exactly like her James, sounded exactly like her James, had the same name as her James, especially when it had so happened that the same exact event had occurred before, where the Prince had found her to be the exact copy of the Princess whose life she’d temporarily taken over.

And it made her brain hurt to think about, but when forced to ponder her situation, she had to endure the pain, had to unlock the mystery surrounding the concept of soulmates, because the contents of this book was true, had to be true if its words were specifically describing what she’d gone through. If such was the case— no, no ifs, because it most definitely was the case— then it’d meant that her soul had gone back to the time where her past self had nearly died to fix the gap in time in which a soul was nearly about to walk this earth without its other half.

It had so happened that her soulmate had exchanged his rich fabrics for a comfortable hoodie that he was now offering to her as well as, apparently, a look of concern when she didn’t respond to whatever it was that he had to say, something that was most likely intended to work her nerves— the kind of annoyance that made her want to both roll her eyes until they fell out of her head while also laughing at his antics.

“Lily?” he asked her, and she blinked at him, his eyes filled with concern.

“I— sorry. What was it?”

He smiled at her and, of course, as she should have expected, he said, “I’m still offering up my sweatshirt if you want to wear it.”

“Oh, unfortunately, I’ve yet to change my mind in these past five minutes concerning sweatshirt offers.”

“Sweatshirts are bloody great and all, but you know,” he started, sighing loudly as he leaned back in his chair, “Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong century.”

She stopped in her tracks, turning towards him, “Oh?”

“Yeah. I’d literally die to wear giant hoop skirts of the Elizabethan period,” he said seriously without any semblance of humour except for that small smile begging to grow on his face, and she scoffed at him.

She nearly reached over to take that hoodie from his hands, even if just to shut him up.

Nearly.

*****

The soft squeaks of her boots against the wet pavement filled the air as the sky, which had been giving way to the clouds swirling in the sky, was nowhere to be seen, and in its memory were the droplets of rain coming down upon the ground.

She hadn’t really made any plans to leave the house that day, knowing that the weather forecast warned her of the impending doom that was to be the rain, but it was the day that her book was to be due and she’d had no other choice but to renew it, not exactly wanting to let go of the entire concept of soulmates right away.

It was probably not one of the best outfits to parade out in public with— wellies and an oversized tee was an insinuation that she was making no effort to look presentable— but then again, it wasn’t as if anyone was to see her, wasn’t as if she was even trying to impress anyone. She’d have thrown on a rain jacket if it was the cold sort of rain, but, because of the lovely geographic location of London each day, it was not. A jacket and the hot weather were not to be mixed with, no matter the current fashions trends.

She made her way in and out of the library, the librarian in charge thankfully not judging her for her wear, or, perhaps a better way to put it was not visibly judging her, but it didn’t matter altogether because she’d come to the library too often to not know all of the workers by name, and this woman was a kind saint named Margaret, who did not comment on her attire. She was sure she’d come in this heavenly place in much worse wear, so it was nothing less than a surprise, really.

And it was easy enough, a simple few-step procedure that should have taken the most of thirty minutes that accounted for the time coming and going, but, because the universe tended to gravitate towards making the simplest matters into that of an incomprehension complexity, she’d been far too optimistic about the prospects of the very near future.

If she’d only continued to look straight ahead, no glances to the sides whatsoever, she wouldn’t have seen a head of black with water dripping down, making large splashes onto his sweatshirt and onto the ground, acting as if his mere appearance wasn’t sending chills to her heart. Idiot, she thought, because why was he wearing that when it was so clearly raining outside, when the rich material looked as if it was easy to ruin from exposure to rain, when he was so clearly wet from the weather, not even an umbrella in sight as he stood there commiserating with the depressing forces of nature.

“Ja— Potter,” she called out, and he looked up from his phone, his eyes snapping up towards her, looking so nearly akin to a lost puppy, though his expression quickly shifted as he caught sight of her, slipping his phone into his pocket as if it wouldn’t just make it wet as he was.

They’d made loads of encounters beforehand, seeing each other at least twice a week, and even though it took some time, he’d managed to chip away at her exterior, much to her chagrin. She couldn’t believe her resolves had been worn away just like that because he was so irritatingly himself, and she couldn’t at all bring herself to resist him.

“Lily,” he responded, an easygoing smile falling onto his face, and his hand flew up to pull his hair off of his face, walking towards her and stopping once he’d left a reasonable distance between them. He tapped at her book. “Not the best idea to get something so susceptible to the rain, is it?”

She shrugged lightly, tucking her loose hair behind her ears. “I’m sure if this book can withstand centuries of wear and tear, a little summer rain won’t do too much damage.”

“Is that what you call it?” he asked her, and he tugged at his sweatshirt to emphasize his words, “Don’t know what you’ve gone through, but I think this constitutes as more than just ‘summer rain’, as you so put it.”

“I think you’re a bit biased, considering the fact that you’ve no umbrella to shield you from the rain.”

“I think you’re a bit biased, considering the fact that you do have an umbrella to shield you from the rain.”

“Oh, but of course,” she replied, fighting a small smile, “How else can I protect myself from the rain?”

“Easy. Stay indoors,” he said, and she was nearly about to point out the hypocrisy in his statement, but the way he was smiling widely at her showed that he absolutely knew the implications of his words. She shoved the umbrella into his arms, and he was easily taken by surprise at her brash actions. “You don’t expect me to take this, do you?”

“I don’t expect you to act all high and noble, Prince James,” she shot back, “I don’t want you getting more wet than you already are. You’ll catch a cold.”

“This may be hard to realise, but I’m already wet. Very wet, actually, if you couldn’t discern from the fact that it looks like I’ve literally stepped out of the shower in my clothes.”

“I— why didn’t you bring an umbrella?” she asked him, ignoring his tongue-in-cheek response.

He shrugged. “You’d laugh.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You’re right,” he sighed dramatically, “You’ve so obviously been holding in laughter from the very start since we’ve met, and all I’ve wanted was to make you smile.” She nearly began to respond when he put his hand up. “You know that saying, ‘Time goes by when you’re having fun?’” She nodded. “I reckon I had a bit too much fun in the library. Went in there at opening hours to study because my mum sort of owns it on the side and it’d be a waste if it was forsaken. My arse didn’t pay attention to the weather forecast, and… yeah. I got wet because I thought I could make it home, but obviously that didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.”

“Your mum…” she started, trailing off as the words processed in her mind. “Sorry. I— no, that’s not a matter to laugh at. It’s— it’s cute, actually.”

“What, my mum owning a library?” he asked with amusement.

“No,” she huffed, not able to fully understand why she was so attracted to him. “The studying bit is cute.”

“Ah, that’s only because I go so early in hopes that you’ll come in.”

Oh, right.

That was why she was so attracted to him, what with his casual flirtations, as if he wasn’t sending her heart soaring through the sky, in the midst of all of the rain, the action for him seeming to be as easy it was to breathe. There was also the fact that he was naturally her soulmate, their electromagnetic forces so strong that it seemed that it was nearly impossible for them to be separated, and apparently, it was impossible if they couldn’t seem to escape from one another through another lifetime.

They’d found each other once again.

She poked him lightly with the umbrella. “You are not getting sick because of me, you big idiot.”

“Actually, I’ll be getting sick from devouring literature and history, thank you very much,” he said, throwing her a lopsided grin, “Also with the occasional science, and, even more on occasion, Lord of the Rings.”

She held her book, properly enclosed in a bag, to her chest, and was just a bit affronted at his joke. “And to think I was going to offer to share my umbrella with you.”

Time, it appeared, seemed to fly by quickly, just as quick as he was to pounce, and he eagerly took the umbrella from her hand, opening it up and pulling her close to her, positioning the umbrella so that it hung over both of them. His arm was snugly around her, sending rains of emotions that pounded onto her heart. “I’d be an absolute ponce to turn you down like that.”

“You’re an absolute ponce if you thought you could make it through all of this rain.”

“I’ve a hoodie. Do you really blame me? You could own the world with a hoodie if you really wanted to,” he replied, stopping momentarily, “Oi, where are we headed?”

“You’re the one with the umbrella, aren’t you? I think our main goal right now is getting you home.”

“It’s your umbrella, so it obviously means that we’re walking you home first.”

“That doesn’t—”

“It means I get to return your umbrella to you on another occasion,” he cut her off, smiling broadly, “Only if you’re fine with seeing me again, obviously.”

She blinked at him, once, then twice, then once more again, and then her shoulders sagged slightly. “I can’t even argue with you. You know I’d love to see you again.”

“I didn’t, actually, but validation still feels good anyway.”

She hummed in response, and with the rain pit-pattering down onto the umbrella and onto the ground, it made a relaxing scene for the two of them. Their feet were nearly in sync with the other— left then right then left again— when, of course, her umbrella decided to flip inside out at this very instant.

“Oh god. Why, why, why—”

James threw the umbrella to the side, not hesitating one second as he pulled his sweatshirt off over his head— a nice, maroon colour today—  and used it in place of the cursed umbrella, holding it over her head rather than over his own as he led them somewhere safe with a cover, but there was just something so kind about his gesture, something so familiar about it that she couldn’t help but lead her eyes towards his face, so intent on taking her to safety.

“James—” she started, not sure exactly how this turn of events had occurred, but he wasn’t stopping, not until there was no more rain pelting down onto them, onto her.

“Lily, come on. You don’t want to get wet. You’ll get sick, yeah?”

“Yes, but—”

“I sort of dragged you into this. Don’t get sick on my accord.”

“It’s really not your fault—”

“I don’t reckon it’s the best idea to argue in the rain. We really should—”

She cut him off with a kiss to the lips, standing up on the very tips of her toes and shutting him up effectively.

It was sweet and salty, just as popcorn was, with the rain intermixing with the taste of his lips, which hadn’t exactly parted open yet, because he was standing there with shock written all over his face, his lovely, gorgeous face that truly had been sculpted by the universe and defined by the stars and eyes as golden as the radiance that came from the sun. Gold met green, just as the sun’s rays shone down onto the loveliness of the Earth, and from their closeness she could make out the small freckle dotting his skin just below his left eye.

His fingers, poised over her head, had appeared to freeze, as if their touch stopped all of time, as if the universe decided to give her all the time in the world to study each and every one of his features.

And when he finally moved, a signal, his arms closed around her, one falling around her waist and the other, and the felt the weight of the world falling off of her shoulders, because the manner in which his lips moved against hers was so strikingly similar that she’d have to be absolute idiot to think that this wasn’t her James. She was suddenly taken back to the sweet smell of flowers in the air, a rose in his hand rather than his hoodie, and she was hit with how much these events were paralleled with one another, how a kiss can take her back by many centuries while her feet remained in the same place.

But rather than the lovely crimson roses, they were met with rain instead, and somehow, it made it all the more lovelier because it made it their moment in this present time, in this lifetime. What hadn’t changed, though, was the fact that he still glowed, still shined for her, and the way in which he was holding her, with him cupping her chin gently, that sweatshirt of his having been forsaken about fifty fallen raindrops ago, was so reminiscent of what she’d gone through with him in the past.

It was beautifully tragic and sweet.

She was most definitely getting sick, which had been further supported by the fact that she’d already gone mad from kissing someone in the rain, an idea that she’d thought to have become too overrated from how it was presented in the films, but now, she felt that she didn’t want to let go, didn’t want him to pull away.

But, of course, because the universe and time allowed them, they’d have all the time in the world to entertain to the other’s affections, all the lifetimes. It was the catalyst that made her pull away from him, if just for now.

When her eyes fluttered open, her eyelashes catching some of the rain that had fallen, rather than a grin, he stood there, astonishment written over his face as if she hadn’t really kissed him, as if he couldn’t comprehend this turn of events. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly, like he hadn’t kissed her back.

“For what? It’s kind of what I’ve wanted to do with you as soon as I laid my eyes on you. That among other things, like holding your hand and talking about our feelings.”

She didn’t even bother to hide the red growing on her cheeks, instead choosing to pick up his hoodie from the ground. “I’m sorry for ruining your sweatshirt, then.”

“I’ve got millions of them,” he said, waving it off, and his hands flew upwards to brush his hair off of his face, “I do reckon we’re going to catch a cold, though.”

“It’s fine,” she smiled, “It’s worth it, I’d say, if our first kiss in this lifetime was in the rain. That’s quite the romance I look for in life.”

“This lifetime?” he repeated with a cock of his head, “You saying we’re soulmates?”

She didn’t delight him with an answer, instead tugging at his hand, saying, “Let’s get out of the rain before it makes you madder than you’ve already been.”

“On one condition.”

She looked at him with an eyebrow drawn, as if to question just what this condition was. Instead of a verbal answer though, he merely grinned at her, reaching down to press a quick kiss to her lips before pulling her over to a nearby storefront with a proper outside cover, and the pelts of the rain stopped falling down onto them.

“You’ve got to set better conditions than that,” she said, not able to help the smile threatening to burst onto her face.

“Obviously that wasn’t the condition. Before you wildly proclaim that we’re soulmates,” he said with a sly grin, “We should go on a date first. Or loads of dates. Whichever suits your fancy.”

“You suit my fancy.”

“Yeah? Is that the soulmate-hoping side of you jumping out?”

“It’s the I-fancy-you side of me, actually,” she said, drawing a wide smile from him.

And though he didn’t believe in soulmates all too much yet, she knew that with all of the time that the universe was offering them, he’d eventually come to believing just as much as she did as well.

And with time, she’d come to realise that she had managed to fall in love with the same person once again.

Again and again and again and again.

[strawberryspeachy]

K. I know alt stands for ASSITANT language teacher

But 2 things. 1) assitants fucking DO THINGS

2) the way they sell this job is like youre a teacher.

Constantly in this job i am treated like a clown.

And im gonna tag this and im probably gonna receive the same comments i get irl from rose tinted glassed ‘japanese people can do no wrong’ people

Thus far ive worked in 4 junior highs and 3 elementarys

Most of the teachers no matter where they are just seem so incompetent

Its no big deal that the teachers arent fluent in english - isnt that literally why alts are here??? So why don’t they ever take advice?!???

Im so fucking sick of being told how to speak my fucking language.

And not the ‘speak slower’ ‘speak simpler’ thats fine and ill accept criticism on my ability to communicate to people learning english as a second language. Not that.

Grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure - and what sounds natural

I hate the videos that are made for classrooms. And the fucking books

“A native speaker wrote it” - k no. Having worked here i know exactly how that went down. A japanese person wrote it, then went to either a business kiss ass ‘japan can do no wrong’ person. Or. Bullied someone into saying it was good by doing that annoying ass thing japanese people do

Where they ask the question over and over with “ok?” At the end. Cause they dont want an answer - they just wanna be told that theyre right or to do whatever they want. And they do not plan on receiving any answer besides “youre correct”

Its awkward cause ive literally been annoyed at my friend in the past for complaining about having a job where she does nothing and gets paid. Now i feel bad because i HATE going to work to sit and do nothing. But honestly - it has more to do with the fact that of all of my schools - only 1 has given me a nice place to sit.

Not a table that they store junk on and pretend to be surprised by me everytime im there like “oops sorry theres all this stuff (but like youre not a real person and we hate that youre here so just be happy we tolerate your existance and tell is your happy to have giant things all over your desk literally sticking in your face)”

Not the extra desk behind the printer that blows dust in my face as it goes off every 20 seconds

Not the desk under the aircon blowing on me/ in the corner next to the coldest window/door

Not a literal broken chair

Not a desk in the path of the class files where teachers have to constantly get to the spot directly behind me

And i was also that person thatd say ‘well if you dont like it - quit - theres plenty of people who WANT that job’

But like it fucking sucks. Cause i have experienced REALLY good teachers who actually team teach with you. I have had one school where i worked full time and got to see my students more than once a month - hence being able to actually get to know them and want them get better. I have been at a school with wonderful staff who welcome me into the school like im an actual person - not like ‘oh is today already the day we let the rat in the school to make the children smile again. Ugh.’

It fucking sucks. I linger on the hope of being able to work at a good school with good teachers full time

I cant find a better job because im a ‘beginner’ and corona

And im stuck getting treated like shit

I AM NOT a kiss ass. Never have been. It kills me to have to work with people who dont want me around

Most of the teachers i work with ARE NEVER PREPARED like wtf why??? Why dont you EVER plan ahead??? When im not prepared its because i have to wait to get instruction from you - you get to chose what you do

And they do basically nothing (not all like ive said ive worked with good teachers)

But most just

Read the book OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The students memorize the book passages - they have no clue about the context and if you ask them the same exact question but with a different subject like “do you have any shoes” instead of “do you have any bags” theyre lost. The teacher can get them to answer by saying the exact phrase from the book - but they dont know what theyre saying or how theyre actually answering. They just have it memorized

Then some teachers will have “conversation practice” where they take those exact sentences out if the book - put them together to form an awkward ‘conversation’ and then the students just read it.

Ooohhh look at them. Having a conversation!

Play fucking bingo.... why? They dont even make the students repeat the words for pronunciation practice - why the fuck do you play bingo everyday

Sing songs. UGHHHHH yea that could be fun if these 60 year old teachers would stop forcing shit from the 1940s on the teenage students. I cant decide if music too old for 30 year olds is worse or teachers who take japanese songs that have been translated into english is - lol you fucking hate english so much you cant find ONE english song to sing??? WHY are you teaching english?! - god forbid you let the students choose

Teachers who just give the students the day date and weather....??????????? Cool. Youve managed to ensure they cant come up with the simplest of fucking English questions on their own. Do you carry around those cards to look like you do a lot at your job when you dont? Oh yea probably

Because being in a school watching teachers is the way i learned that japan values looking busy over being productive. If you look stressed and busy all day - you are better than a person who got shit done but looked relaxed.

Why do you use the recordings when i am in the class?????????????????????????????????? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU APPARENTLY HAVE ME THERE

K and like i said. I have worked with good teachers. In their classes the students are better at english (hur hur funny how that works) those teachers encourage the students to talk with me. Those teachers let the students try to come up with answers and questions on their own. Those students try and ask the teacher when they dont know how to say something to help with translation.

The shit teachers on the other hand - will jump in and stop a student who looks excited to try and trying to figure out how to say something. What does this teach them? Dont try. Just stay silent - the japanese teacher will just talk in japanese again soon - no need to try.

Jumping off that. Students who are good at english or go to juku - will dumb themselves down in classes with shitty teachers. Theyve learned its not good to know more or even nearly as much english as the teacher - pretend you dont understand. Pretends you don’t know how to say things - itll make my stupid teacher feel good. So. If i try to talk or do anything in those classes, even the students who understand will stop trying.

Speaking of just going back to japanese. WHY IS MOST OF ENGLISH CLASS IN JAPNESE???? Most of the teahers will jump at ANY chance to switch back over into japanese. English is just sprinkled into the class. Then they pretend to wonder why the students dont try and why theyre bad at english

And things ive been told in the last year

Dont ever be upset about anything ever

Lol yea just that for one

K but dont ever be upset about teachers doing ANYTHING because theyre just so GOSH DARN BUSYYYYYYYYY

Lol like intially i thought that was why ASSISTANT was in my title. I THOUGHT we were supposed to make them less busy by helping out with planning and grading and blah blah

Nope cause

‘Oh offer to help them! BUT dont be upset when they decline because theyd have to explain to you ANYTHING and.....’

So. Im a child?! I cant be trusted to do anything without proper instruction

Well yea exactly cause

“Oh! Hes probably your babysister haha! Japanese people are so nice! They usually have one teacher look out for you and help you with stuff - besides the head teacher- lol theyre kinda like your babysitter!<3”

K. So like. I need a bachelors degree for this job. Let me say again I NEEDED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR THIS JOB. i had to move ACCROSS THE WORLD by myself. I have to ge able to fill out federal documents and find a house and pay my bills and follow foregn laws and figure out my way in a foregn country - but i need a BABYSITTER at work?!?!?!?? If im a minute late ill be docked an hours pay. If i do ANYTHING that slightly upsets ANYONE and japanese ppl are offended by EVERYTHING - i am liable for all reprucussions. But. I need a BABYSITTER.

Cant be trusted to be in a class alone (dont be offended its because your not a certified teacher) that would make sense except that YALL THROW ALTS IN WITH THE SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS ALL THE TIME - thats supposed to be an EXTRA certification on top of teaching. but Im too fucking stupid and untrustable to do anything with regular students alone, but because you dont like dealing with spefial needs - i can teach them alone.

You dont actually read their hw or check for correctness and most of their tests are just for fun it seems - but i cant be trusted to grade those either

You do the exact same lesson everyday and i only see each class once a month - but dont let me create any activity or lesson for them. Also dont tell me your plans until class is starting and then change it throughout the class and act surprised when idk what the fuck youre doing because you changed your mind while talking at them in japanese

Speaking of changing. I hate teachers who constantly change how they do shit. And again. Get annoyed at me when i cant follow their flow. Do i say hello first or do you? Are we even saying hello today? Am i asking how they are or are you? Are we letting them answer? Are we answering? Whose asking the day date and weather? Are we asking them for the day date and weather?? Whose saying goodbye? Are we saying goodbye? Which bingo version have you chosen today? Are they repeating the words? Yes? No? Am i saying each one twice? Do i have to spell out the fucking word today? Fast? Slow? What hell are you putting me through today

And when they ask me to take charge of an activity. But then change their mind. But then no no you go ahead please take charge. K no just kidding ill tell you and them what to do. Actually no you can keep going please be in control. K no too much english i wanna hear more japanese ill be in control - hey everyone thank the alt for doing that activity with you (me and the students look at each other visibly confused)

These teachers will ask me a question and no matter how i answer its wrong. I always answer shortly initially because... of course. But theyll tell me to GO ON!!! theyll keep doing that. So ill start answering questions with substance - then theyll cut me off - so i go back to answering shortly but NO! CONTINUE!!! im constantly caught confused exactly what they want me to say and now i barely ever tell stories to the students. I stare at the jte the whole time trying to guage by their face if i should keep talking or make it short. Its also awkward cause sometimes they jump in to translate and other times they want me to just keep talking in english with no translation. Regardless whatever way i choose is never correct and they always look at me like im an idiot

Yesterday a teacher did one of the things inhate that prompted this I WANNA WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS JOB

Hes a sub. Hes supposed to do the same lessson as the other teachers. He is NEVER prepared. And he does everything bad. So when he didnt have the stuff for the activity he said he wants the students to have conversations with me. GREAT! thats what im here for! Lets do it. So then he shows them videos he has of other students talking with an alt at another school for 5 minutes. Um.... k. Then we open the book to a page of 3 example convo starters. Except. Japanese teachers dont seem to understand that the book is meant to be EXAMPLES. he says ah like this but maybe change. Good ok! I think were on the right track. Lets read these examples and get to it. Nope. He has them have the example sentences with their partner saying its good practice.

No. Its not. Theyre just reading the book and then when they finish saying

“Do you know any good restaurants around here?”

“Yes i do! Theres a curry place over there”

“oh i love curry!”

Theyre not gonna make up more at the ......

Theyre just gonna talk in japanese about other shit.

Then he says ok lets have conversations. Finally

Nope.

He has the class repeat after him together as a unit to me “do you know any good restaurants around here?”

GFFEIWBAKDHWNDGDIEBS RAGEEEE

I said ive had convos in class before may i try like before

He feigns confusion

I ask a student “what kind of food do you like?”

She says sushi

“What kind of sushi”

The students in this class were excitable and chimed in each time.

This time (as usual because they dont know the fish names in english) She begins talking with the kids around her trying to figure out what the english word is for the sushi she likes

But the teacher jumps in and shuts it all down

Because the students are just way too shy to talk in front of the class. Their english is too bad. They cant.

Its extra aggrivating because the teachers at this school range from good to decent - except him. That was a second year class. The last time i was at this school the first years had a introduction 1 on 1 test - with me. And i was to ask them a question at the end. With the other 3 teachers when i asked the question if they didnt understand. I would try saying it in another way. If they still didnt understand - i would answer my question as an example. If they still didnt understand i would give them answers like

“What tv do you like” “do you like anime?” Wait for yes or no “do you like youtube” wait for yes or no (and so on)

If they still didnt understand (very few got here) the japnese teacher would translate the question)

And. If they still didnt understand. We would give them an answer and coax them into repeating after us.

If they didnt. Then they didnt get the point for answering the question.

This teacher. Him being the 4th teacher to do this test with me. Would IMMEDIATELY translate the question if the student didnt answer quickly after me asking it once and then talk to them in japanese and tell me their answer or make one up to me with something like “oh ahah they dont know when yet. So he doesnt know. Maybe he ate breakfast before school!” And then would shoo the student away and call in the next.

^^^ and this is how most teachers are

They sit during class. They play unrelated videos. They spend half the class acting like theyre too confused about their plan to even teach the class (but if i try to do ANYTHING like talk to a student while they sit in front of the class rummaging through their folder going “うーん」 「じゃ」「じゃあー」「そして」「それから」「えーとー」 theyll instruct SOMETHING or play some recording over and over) have i mentioned how they never seem to want to talk in english or listen to students talk in english in english class?? Most of the time theyre just having aside conversations about nonsense in japanese. They read everything themselves despite me being there - in a way where they really just wannt hear themselves talk in english.

Just in general. I hate when teachers talk about me in front of me and dont tell me what the fuck theyre saying. And it’s annoying when students ask them stuff in japanese about me and then the students look at me waiting for me to respond/the teacher to translate their question- but the jte doesnt translate. Or they ask a question that im not in charge of the answer for so even though i understood the question they asked the jte i cant answer them because its not my decision and the jte doesnt wanna look like the asshole that gives them an answer they dont like so they just dont respond so that i look like the dick whose ignoring the students

They do this with regular questions too. Sometimes i hear the whole question and understand. So when the students look to me and the jte goes silent - i answer - then the jte gets all out of sorts because 1) they wanted me to look like an asshole who doesnt wanna talk to the students 2) they deemed the questions not important and didnt want it answered 3)ew! The alt knows more japanese than i thought and she knows what im doing and thats a little embarrassing also what else have i said in front of her today that she might have understand - awkward 4) oh no if students know she understands some japanese they might ask her stuff and i wont be the only means of the alt and students communicating 5) that awk silence just showed the students that i didnt plan to translate something to her and i wanted to blame her and say she doesnt wanna answer that but now i was made a liar of

These arent personal queations btw. For example a student asked why does the guy in one peice eat a lollypop in the america version instead of smoke a cigarette?

This is an incomplete liste. Just. Honestly being an ALT is draining.

I feel like im at a restaurant again just waisting my life away waiting tables.

I actually really like english so being forced to listen to people who are supposed to teach it - purposely teach it wrong and force me to use it incorrectly hurts

I hate watching people suck at their jobs....and be rewarded for sucking at their job

I hate feeling like an outsider in my workplace.

I wanna feel like a real teacher.... not a clown

I hate doing something where nothing i say, do, or feel matters.

That last one. I hate that i can be treated like shit in my workplace AND get in trouble for not thanking people FOR treating me like shit. Not just take it. Take it with a smile!!!

I try to focus on the good things... but its just so damn hard cause ther far and few between and honestly i just wanna feel like im actually an educator to my students and like i can actually be a teacher with the ones who like me and come talk to me and stuff. But its not like i have have a teacher student relationship with them - i cant be part of their school activities. I cant go to their school events. I wont be at the school with them for more than a year.

Even at good schools when the teachers like that you talk with the students - i always feel this vibe of ‘keep it superficial’ dont become an adult they would trust. Its like you can feel them watching - ready to jump in when they think the student should stop petting the stray before they get fleas

I have a lot of teachers i remember fondly. Who id talk to when i saw them even when i didnt have their class anymore. Id tell kids in grades below me that they were lucky if they got them. When i hear about things happening at the school after i leave im happy to hear they got something good. Teachers who helped me understand something better or were just nice to the obvious loser in the class or made me laugh

I wanna be one of them....

Not the police man that came into school a couple times. Or the guy with the birds. Or the nice lunch lady who let you take food when you didnt have money and pay it back the next day.

I wanna be a teacher with a name.

Or at least. Do one of the only things im actually good at

So this job is unfulfilling

[kyvir]

will you write something with smut since you're freaking great at it ♥ ily

Thanks for the request. I hope you like it! ^^

*Fate*

.

“People are staring.” Those whispered words came from a husky voice just after a broken kiss.

Sakura stared up at her ex-lover through hooded eyes, her arms wrapped snuggly around his neck while his were still secured around her waist.

It was at a mutual friend’s wedding that they’d happened to come across each other, and after being apart for four years. Their eyes had met and in that instant, they were both taken aback by nostalgia, by the feelings they’d thought they’d buried so long ago.

They had been high school sweethearts who’d been unconditionally in love with each other, but after graduation, they’d been sent to colleges by their parents that were purposefully worlds apart and because of it, in the end… their relationship fell apart.

That being said, the two of them had been crazy about each other, the breakup had taken a toll on both of them, and neither one of them was ever able to forget the other. So now, when they met again so unexpectedly like this, all those past feelings resurfaced.

They couldn’t stop watching each other, all throughout the ceremony and even when the reception started. After they’d both drank until halfway through the reception, the tension of it all got to be too much, and Sasuke went up to her.One look was all it took for them to know everything they were feeling was mutual.

That’s when Sakura wound her arms around his neck and hugged him meaningfully. His arms snaked around her waist and for so long, they just stood there, holding each other closely, savoring the feel of one another. They’d been missing each other for so long, been broken for so long, but here they were, and this was fate.

Not a word was spoken, for several minutes time seemed to sit completely still as they stared into each other’s eyes. Both of them could remember just how easily they’d fallen in love, how hard it had been to be pulled apart and how they were never able to move on. Sakura was never able to be with anyone else, and so her love life had become nonexistent, and while Sasuke had tried, at least physically to be with someone else, he was too emotionally detached. Whenever he saw someone, all he saw was Sakura and in the end, he’d done more harm than good in trying to move on.

“Been a long time.” Sakura finally whispered, the prettiest of smiles gracing her lips.

Sasuke didn’t respond immediately, for he was at a loss for words. He wondered many things, the main thing on his mind was this encounter. He wondered what it meant, what would happen, and why he couldn’t soothe his racing heart. He still loved her, he knew he did. And he could see in her eyes that she still loved him too. He’d finished college, but he had no idea what Sakura was up to these days, and he lived far from their current location.

This meeting could go one of two ways. Either they could rekindle what they’d once had and finally be happy together, or they’d once again be broken hearted by having to lose each other a second time. They were both hoping it wasn’t the latter.

“I’ve missed you.” Was his quiet reply.

Sakura’s smile broadened then and a gleam took to her emerald eyes. “Prove it.”

That was when he kissed her, deeply, passionately and oh so slowly. It was the first kiss they’d shared in years, but their lips moved together knowingly, as if they’d never been separated before. They held each other with a desperation they hadn’t felt since their last day together and by the time Sasuke pulled away, she was breathless and swooning even in his arms.

“People are staring.”

Sakura ignored him to start with, taking a few precious moments to just admire him. He was so close, after so long. He smelled so good, yet looked even better. He was her ex, he was no longer hers, but still… Sakura never wanted to let him go, and he wasn’t releasing her either.

However, after a moment she did glance around the reception room to take in the many onlookers they had. All their friends had witnessed the kiss apparently, they could be seen grinning and gossiping while watching the two of them. Even strangers were standing in place, all eyes on the couple. Sakura did not like an audience, and neither did Sasuke, but they’d just been unable to help themselves and now, neither one of them wanted to let go.

After taking a few seconds to think over her next move, Sakura released Sasuke to take his hand in hers and then she was pulling him along behind her.

“Where are you taking me?” He asked, amusement thick in his tone, but Sakura never bothered answering.

She led him just out of the reception hall and outside. Slowly, and while checking around them for any people, Sakura tugged him along until they were at the back of the building. People were still around, but not in sight and with alcohol fueling her movements, Sakura jumped him instantly when they were hidden, throwing herself against him and kissing him once more, this time though much more desperately. Kami only knew how much she’d missed him. There was no way Sasuke could ever understand.

Only, he did. More than she would ever know, for he’d missed her just as much and it showed in the way he met her kisses heatedly, how he held her against him so strongly, the way he gasped her name in between touches of their lips.

Sakura groaned, their lips separating with an audible smack as he forced her up against the back of the building, keeping her pinned there as his hands came to cup her face and finger her hair. Her legs wrapped around his waist and that was all it took to have him hard up and wanting her then and there, if he hadn’t already. Sakura was the same, already panting with desire, sex damp as too many memories flooded through her mind and clouded her vision.

“Fuck me.” She begged, head lolling back against the wall as his mouth trailed down her neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses.

Her words had him inhaling sharply. “Here, now?”

He was astounded, but thrilled. He would not turn her down, no matter the consequence. He’d been without her too long, he’d been dreaming about her and this moment for years. There was nothing that could stop him from taking her up on such an offer.

She nodded quickly, breathless and clinging to him as he nibbled her earlobe. “Here. Right now.”

He dropped a hand between them, fingers inching under her short dress. The second he came in contact with her damp panties he cursed under his breath and pulled his hand away. Sasuke honestly couldn’t believe this was actually happening. It had completely taken him by surprise to even see Sakura again, and to find that she still wanted him as much as she used to, as much as he wanted her. It was nothing but a dream come true.

Sakura pouted when he helped her to her feet gently, but he only smirked back at her. Obsidian eyes nearly melting her emeralds. “Turn around.” He whispered darkly, breath hot at her ear and with a shudder, she obliged.

After bracing herself against the stone wall, Sakura grinned to herself, rolling her eyes as she thought about the situation she was in just then. Sasuke had always worked her body like a god. He knew just what to say or do to get her falling to pieces and she was already halfway there unfortunately. They had barely touched and yet, she was trembling from her hands to her knees. She could already feel him inside her. Though the thought was fleeting, Sakura felt certain there was no way in hell she could ever let him walk away from her again.

Sasuke bunched her dress up around her waist after pulling her legs back to make her bend over move. It took all she had to prop herself up against that wall as he forced her panties down to her ankles. She only vaguely heard him hiss something unintelligible before his hands were roaming her ass and legs in a worshipping manor.

“Sasuke…” She moaned as he forced her legs wider apart, knowing it had been so long and yet he was seeing all of her so freely and she didn’t give a damn.

“You know… we could get arrested for this.” He murmured softly, and his voice alone was enough to have her soaked and begging to have him. Again, she didn’t give a damn.

“We just… have to be quiet.” She breathed, to which Sasuke chuckled.

“So then, jail it is.”

Sakura rolled her eyes and just as she was about to bark out a retort, his finger slipped between her folds, expertly finding and stimulating her clit before sliding back to her entrance and circling it teasingly. Quiet was out of the question. But jail was far from her mind as he continued his ministrations and it was only a matter of seconds before she was on the edge of bliss.

“Sasuke! Ah…”

His hand was gone then and she whimpered a protest before she heard him fumbling with his belt. She bit her lip, effectively silencing herself. He’d always given her a hard time about being patient, and she’d always tried to be, but right then, she had no patience at all. She had to have him immediately. When she finally felt him against her, prodding against her entrance, she cried out quietly, whispering pleas of need and lust and even love.

Fuck, she’d always loved him. Always would.

He entered her then, erasing all thoughts and reality. The feel of him entering her so slowly was so engrossing, so maddening, so fucking good that all she could do was wail out her approval. Sasuke was shaking his head at this. Sakura had never been on the quiet side when it came to sex, but right now, he needed her quiet. He wanted to enjoy this, getting busted would ruin things on so many different levels.

So, halfway in, he stopped completely and she glanced back at him with eyes that were sure to be his undoing. A wave of chills washed over him at the sensual and needy look in those gorgeous green pools he’d always been so fond of. She was biting her bottom lip hard as she gazed at him and after a moment she nodded, understanding the silent meaning in his actions. When her head turned back to face the wall ahead of her, Sasuke resumed his mission of burying himself inside her and he swore to Kami then and there that nothing had ever felt more right.

Being inside her had always been his favorite place in the world, his little piece of heaven, but his memory did nothing to prepare him for the feel of her just then. She was so tight it took his breath away and he didn’t dare move to start with. He held her hips tight, holding her against him and keeping himself completely sheathed inside her as his cock throbbed at the feel of her so secure around him. He could have come that instant. But he forced his body to calm, not to move, to refresh so he could move again and bring them both to the edge together, just as they’d always done before.

Sakura was in no better shape than he, a quivering mess who couldn’t even hold herself up right against the wall before her. Just as he slowly began to pull back, he wondered idly if she’d ever been with anyone else… or if he’d been her first, and her last. Either way, he knew it had been just as long for her as it had for him, probably longer and she was in need of release. Right now, she was lost in sensation, forcing herself to be as quiet as she could was the only thing she was managing but Sasuke liked it. No, he loved it- having this power over her.

She couldn’t take it. His painfully slow movements were sure to drive her insane. She needed him desperately, and so with the sad bit of strength she possessed at the moment, she forced herself back to meet his slow thrust making it much more stronger than it would have been had it been left up to Sasuke. It had been a long time, and he was hard as steel and even thicker than she remembered but Kami did it feel good. All she wanted was for him to fuck her as if he never had before.

But, Sasuke was serious about control.

Just thinking about it had her scoffing out a gasp as their union became deep enough for him to hit a spot inside her that had her seeing stars. “Oh, fuck!” She cried out, body rebelling against the overwhelming feeling, but Sasuke had no mercy and his slow strokes remained just that deep. With each thrust, his movements sped up a fraction.

Within seconds, Sakura was screaming his name, calling out to Kami and begging him to do things that were just too inappropriate for their friend’s wedding reception, as if they weren’t already past being inappropriate. With her being that loud, Sasuke knew there was no way they (or rather she) hadn’t been heard.

“Shit.” Sasuke cursed, fearful that someone would stumble upon them at any second. He had to end this, for the good of everyone.

So he picked up his pace until he was pounding into her, his right hand releasing her hip to swoop under her and find her clit. The second he touched her, she exploded around him, crying out though it was muffled as she now had a firm bite on her own arm. Sasuke lost it, moving inside her tight, wet heat so quickly, and the feel of her cunt fluttering against him with her climax, he could hold it out no longer. He filled her one last time, holding her tight against him as his seed spilled into her and he groaned out her name.

Surprisingly enough, neither of them were shy or standoffish after that heated moment. They both straightened themselves and returned into the reception hall with flushed cheeks, disheveled clothes and messy hair. And neither of them gave a damn even then.

It was as soon as they were finished that Sasuke had made a proposal, though he wasn’t sure if it was him or the alcohol talking. He assumed it was both. “Let’s get out of here. Come back to my hotel with me.”

Sakura was giddy with the suggestion and so they hurried back in to wish their friends happiness in their new life together. They had a couple more drinks while doing so and then they got in Sasuke’s car to leave, luckily without having been seen, or hopefully anyway.

“Can’t believe you made me do that.” Sasuke grumbled as he got on the road.

Sakura glared at him and shook her head when she noticed the smirk that seemed to be permanently on his lips. “Don’t be an ass. We both know I didn’t make you do anything.”

“Oh?” His brow went up in challenge. “Like I could refuse with you all ‘fuck me, fuck me’”

Sakura just gawked at him then, having no words to shoot back at him. For one, the way he tried to imitate her voice was annoying and funny as hell, and two she knew damn well he wanted it just as bad as she did.

“Bastard.” She muttered when she finally recovered herself, but she was grinning from ear to ear. She knew he was just teasing her, and she liked it. “You won’t catch me asking again!”

“I wouldn’t say that quite yet. We haven’t made it to the hotel, and who knows what you’ll be saying when we do.”

“You’ve pissed me off now, so I will not be saying shit. If anybody will be asking for it, it will be you!”

Sasuke’s eyes darkened as he glanced over at her and met her glare head on. “We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”

Sakura’s fist clenched in her lap as her glare deepened. She was beyond pissed because she knew, he was more than likely right on the money. Hell, a part of her wanted him to pull over and take her in his car. But, she could wait. She just didn’t know if she could wait as long as he could, because she’d never been able to do so before.

When it came to Sasuke… she just wanted him so badly, needed him more than anything else. She would have preferred him even over the air she breathed if anyone would have asked, and she’d even told her mom that long ago… It was one of the reasons their parents had forced them apart, they couldn’t separate the two of them, and they had cared about nothing else but each other. Even now though, the two of them didn’t understand what was so wrong about that.

That’s just how love was… when you found that person, and they both believed they were that person for each other.

They both had a lot on their minds and so, the remainder of the ride was silent aside from the radio. Sakura almost wished her mind was sober so that she would have really been able to wrap her head around everything, but at the same time, she felt like if she didn’t have a few drinks at least, she would be nothing but emotional, in all the wrong ways. Right now, she was just enjoying this day for what it was. A fateful reunion she’d been waiting what seemed like ages for.

When they made it to the hotel, Sakura was so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn’t noticed Sasuke even get out of the car until he was opening her door and offering her his hand. She unbuckled her seatbelt and took it without hesitation. Then they walked into the hotel together.

Once they were finally in Sasuke’s room, Sakura hurried to plop down onto the couch and remove her heels. She’d been in the annoying, but good looking shoes all day and she was beyond ready to let her feet breathe and relax. They were aching unlike any other time she could remember at the moment.

“You should have a bath, I’ll bring you a drink.”

Sakura looked up from the couch to look at Sasuke when he spoke. He looked far too good to be true, especially after all the time she’d had to go without him. After finally convincing herself she was over him and soon she could move on, he just had to come waltzing back into her life to remind her that she would never forget him, she would never get over him. Nobody else could ever have her. He’d already told her so before, and those words had haunted her since. How could she try and be with anyone else, when he’d been completely right.

She was his, he had her heart already and nobody else would be getting it.

“Would you like me to prepare it for you?” He asked in addition when she said nothing in return.

With a blush tinting her already flushed cheeks, Sakura stood, shaking her head. “No, I can do it myself.” She insisted before hurrying down the hall to find the room. It was a nice suite he had, but Sakura couldn’t think much of it, all she could think about was the fact that she was here, with Sasuke and he was offering to run her a bath and all.

He would have done it, without a second thought. Would have even carried her to the tub, stripped and washed her himself. He’d done so before, but Sakura just didn’t feel comfortable at the moment. She wasn’t sure what to think or do. She wanted Sasuke, Kami did she want him, in every way possible. But, with her intoxicated state waning, she was becoming more and more uncertain of what she was really doing, of what she was going to do if he left her again.

Sighing at her wayward thoughts, she got the water running and went about stripping out of her dress and underwear. She had just sunk into the water when Sasuke entered the bathroom without so much as a knock. He was carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses. He kicked the door shut behind him after he entered, and sat on the edge of the bathtub to pour them both a glass. Sakura sipped hers immediately, needing the effects of the alcohol to return to her system as quickly as possible.

“Tell me what you’re up to actively. Are you still in school? Are you working?”Sakura stared at her glass of wine, sipping it a few times before answering. “I’m working, but I’ve already finished school.”

Sasuke nodded. He had done the same and all he did these days was work. He’d even had put his vacation days in months in advance to be able to make it to his friend’s wedding and he was damn sure glad he’d decided to attend, even though at first, he just didn’t want to go.

“What about you?”

“Same.”

Sakura sipped her wine again, until it was gone and Sasuke had to give her a refill. “Where are you living now?”

“Still overseas, I ended up starting to work there and I liked it… and I didn’t think there would be any point in me coming back here. Though now I think I should have.”

She shook her head at that. “If you think that because of me, it wouldn’t have done any good. I’m still across seas too, in the whole other direction. I’m only back here for the wedding.”

Sasuke’s heart constricted at this newfound knowledge. He felt a lump form in his throat as he refilled his own glass then. “We really are worlds apart then, even now…”

“Yeah…”

Sasuke drained his fresh glass of wine before turning to look at her, her pretty green eyes were sad but beautiful as he met them. He watched her as she finished her second glass. “I’m still sorry. Do you know that?” He needed her to know. He needed to know she knew.

“Sasuke don’t. It’s not your fault, it never has been. I’ve never blamed you.”

“But… I blame myself.”

He has regretted things ending as they had for years. He loved her, she loved him. He’d been devastated but he hated the thought of knowing Sakura was feeling even a morsel of what he was. He blamed himself for not fighting his parents more, for not fighting harder for Sakura. More than anything, he just wanted to be with her, even now. Because he loved her, now just as much as he had so long ago. He knew it, there was no way he could let her go again. He could not lose her a second time.

“I love you.” She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

Sasuke met her gaze, his own eyes tired and so sad. “I love you…” He told her quietly before adding, “I’ve always loved you.”

Clumsily and hastily, Sakura discarded her glass onto the side of the bathtub then grabbed Sasuke’s hand and snatched him down towards her and she knelt up to meet him halfway. She kissed him hard, their teeth clashing together at the impact. Sasuke groaned, his own glass hitting the floor and shattering, but neither of them even flinched at the sound.

He was pulled forward, and straining to brace himself up on either side of the tub with the way she was forcing him to her, all the while her lips never leaving his. Soon he relented and just allowed her to pull him into the tub with her, clothes and all.

Her fingers slid down around his neck to his tie and quickly began to undo it. She slung it off to the side and proceeded to unbutton his soaked shirt with trembling fingers. It was extra hard with the way Sasuke so easily kissed her until she was good for nothing else. He let her do as she pleased, let her take her time to remove his shirt, because he was in no rush this time.

A low growl sounded deep in his throat when her lips fell from his, to his neck. His brows furrowed as his head tipped to the opposite side, giving her easier access. Sakura had never been this straightforward before, doing such things as kissing and nipping on his neck, he was always the one to do those things to her, but he quite liked it. Still, she was only halfway through the buttons on his shirt.

Sasuke reached up to slide his fingers across her erect nipples. She gasped against his neck which was wet from her tongue and the combination nearly set him on fire, but he controlled himself and continued to tease her nipples gently while she fumbled with his shirt.

It was only a second later that she got frustrated and ripped the rest of the shirt apart in her annoyance. Sasuke laughed at this but helped her shrug his shirt the rest of the way off of him and his arms until they finally just let it drift off in the water. When she reached for his belt though, he grabbed a hold of her hand to stop her, grinning against her lips that had since met with his again.

“Whoa now.”

“Stop it!” Sakura whined and used all her strength to force him to her side and then on his back in the water while she straddled him.

Her hands fisted into his hair and her lips came crashing down on his once again. When his tongue touched hers, she released him to reach down and start her struggle with his belt. It was even harder to get his belt and pants undone with them being wet and under water, but she managed after a few minutes. She couldn’t force them off of him from how he sat under the water though and so she just continued to kiss him and mold her naked body to his. His skin felt so good against hers, so nostalgic and yet so new.

Sakura’s kisses turned more heated, until she was suckling and nipping at his lips. The hotter she got, the more Sasuke wanted her, but he was a patient man. With his arms around her tiny waist, he held her down on him, making sure she could feel just what she was doing to him. She groaned every time she did feel him. Her lips parted from his and she opened her eyes for him to see. They were lidded and oh so sexy that all Sasuke could do was close his eyes to escape them before he lost all his restraint.

She enjoyed admiring him for the man he’d became. That perfect jawline, those sharp eyes, his still long hair that wasn’t as messy as it once was. He’d grown, but he still looked like her Sasuke, and she still loved him. He was stunning now, just as he always had been, maybe even more so. Her eyes trailed down his naked and wet torso, hands following. He felt so good, smelled intoxicating and looked good enough to taste.

Not even knowing what to do with herself in this position, she just took her time enjoying it for what it was. She couldn’t get him completely naked as she’d like and she wanted him so badly. Her hands took purchase on his shoulders and she grinded herself down against his erection. Just that was enough to have her insides coiling. Her lips formed a perfect O as she rocked her hips against him once more, needing whatever stimulation she could get.

Sasuke grunted at her actions and his hold on her tightened. He was feeling far too strained under his soaked slacks and waiting it out was turning out to be much harder than he’d anticipated. So, to speed things up, he dipped his hands down under her ass to find her sex, his finger slipping inside her with ease. He gasped right along with her.

Sakura’s whole body was trembling against him and by then she could do nothing other than cling to him and rock her hips back and forth to enjoy his ministrations even more. Sasuke needed to be inside her, he needed to feel her again, and again. His lips found her neck as he continued to work her with his fingers, bringing her close all too soon as he sucked on the skin at the base of her throat.

“Sasuke,” She whimpered his name, nails digging into his shoulders as her body clenched up, a telltale sign that she was about to come.

“No.” He croaked, removing his hand so fast she couldn’t comprehend it.

Slowly her high began to fade and she opened cloudy eyes to glare at him. “Bastard.”

Sasuke smirked. “Impatient ass.”

Her glare turned into a glower then and she rocked her body down hard on him until he inhaled sharply. He was too hard and strained for her to do that anymore. When he was the one to glare at her then, she was grinning, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

“Let’s not pretend here.”

Sasuke leaned back in against the porcelain tub, face lighting up with amusement. “Who’s pretending? I’m in no rush. I’d say I’m pretty good at waiting.”

“Hmph. Well, so am I!”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’d say I am, asshole. I’ve been waiting for you since you’ve been gone. But, I bet you haven’t.” She turned her nose up at him, not needing or wanting him to elaborate on that matter. She already knew. Sasuke was sexy as fuck, women had always thrown themselves at him. He may not have tried to settle down or anything, but she was no fool. Sasuke was going to fuck.

Her words made him feel like shit. She really hadn’t been with anyone else. That warmed him in the best of ways, but at the same time made him feel even guiltier than he’d already felt. “I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. It’s always been you and you know it.”

Bottom lip quivering, Sakura turned her head to meet his eyes again. She believed him. She’d known he loved her, and she knew he never wanted to lose her, just as she never wanted to lose him. But this was too much for her. To have him back, and knowing that he still felt that she was his one, it touched her deeply. Touched even her very soul. She needed him.

“Take your damn pants off.”

Sasuke’s left brow arched at her order. “Make me.”

Sakura’s brows narrowed in challenge. “You really want to play this game?”

He scratched his chin pensively, unable to conceal his smirk. After a moment, he finally shrugged indifferently. “Could be interesting.”

Sakura shook her head and chuckled, but was feeling nowhere near humorous. She backed off of him and positioned herself at the other end of the tub, pulling even her legs out of his reach. Sasuke’s eyes darkened noticeably as he watched her right hand trail down her body until it reached her sex and she began touching herself.

It was all he could do to remain in place as he watched her. The way her head fell back against the tub, the way her hand moved under the water with practiced precision. Her left hand teasing her own breasts mockingly. Her lips parting as she moaned while pleasuring herself. It was a sight so sinfully alluring, that he could not look away. His breathing became shallower the more he watched, rather enjoying the show even though he’d prefer it to be him pleasuring her.

She was beautiful, always had been but she’d turned out to be a gorgeous woman and he still adored her. Nobody would ever give him the satisfaction that she did and therefore, he’d already made it up in his mind that he would not, under any circumstance be letting her go again.

Purposefully, she called out his name and moaned with each touch she gave herself. Sasuke knew he was fighting a losing battle when she got louder. He’d fucked her enough times to know when she was close to orgasm, and he’d be damned if he was going to allow her to get herself off. Even if he would have liked to see it.

He stood up in the tub, water sloshing everywhere but the whole bathroom was already soaked, and neither one of them gave a damn. His quick move made Sakura stop, her impending orgasm fading quickly at the loss, but she was more than hot and bothered just watching him peel off his drenched pants and briefs in one go.

She had to pray to Kami when her eyes took in his length, long, thick and more than ready. The sight of it had her mouth watering, her eyes bulging, and her thighs pressing together. He came to tower over her sitting form, cock just above her head. He had a perfect body that was a sight for sore eyes.

“Suck me.”

Those two words were like fire to her body. She convulsed, taken aback by the wave of pleasure and desire she felt by his command. She scrambled to her knees, eyes locking on his when she wrapped her hand around his length and kissed the tip teasingly. He watched her with smoldering eyes as she did as he asked, first licking and kissing at the head of his cock before she finally started taking more of him in her mouth, sucking him just as she’d done so long ago.

Her hand worked with her, stroking him as she took him into her mouth, sheathing her teeth behind her lips and sucking hard every time she pulled back. It had been no time at all to her before he grabbed a handful of her hair at the back of her head and forced her off of him, her lips smacking when his cock left her mouth.

Sasuke got back down in the tub and pulled her over him, positioning his cock right where they both wanted it. Sakura moaned loudly as she forced herself down on him, not giving him the opportunity to stop her. She took him in completely and he filled her to the brim, leaving her a wailing mess.

“Fuck.” Sasuke hissed, hands gripping so hard at her hips she’d probably bruise because of it.

She squeezed him like a vice, and he was already worked up enough to hold her in place, to not let her move for several beats. Once his body calmed, and he was sure he wouldn’t come immediately, he let her go and she wasted no time in moving.

Her lips found his as she moved, hips rocking back and forth at first before she started bouncing on him, each movement she climbed until he was almost completely out of her and then she slammed herself down on him again, taking all that he had to offer.

Sasuke was cursing and panting and she was lost with bliss. She missed him, all of him, including the sex. Kami, did she love to have him inside her. Already close, her movements slowed, wanting- needing to savor every second of their union that she could. But he was close too and when she felt him throbbing inside of her, she bit down on his shoulder, sex tightening even more around him. Her cries were drawn out and loud then and she became weak, too weak to move any further but Sasuke knew what was happening and he couldn’t wait any longer.

He held her by her hips and forced her up and back down on him hard, and with only three more thrusts, he came, just as she did, her body convulsing continuously, bucking down on him and making his own release seem as endless as hers.

After that the water was cold so they both opted for a shower together.

Once they were both fresh and clean they lay in the bed together, neither of them bothered to put anything on and cover themselves. They’d opened another bottle of wine and were already half way through, as if either of them had needed any more alcohol for the night. Or morning. Hell, they didn’t even know what time it was.

“So, it’s been what… four years since we last saw each other?” Sakura mused, grinning to herself behind her glass of wine.

Sasuke nodded thoughtfully. “Almost five.”

“So long…” Sakura mumbled. Now that she thought about it, she had no idea how she’d ever survived so long without him. She loved him so much, when he was with her, when he was gone for so long, and even now. “Did you enjoy your free time?”

“Fuck no.” He scoffed, draining his glass before looking back to her. “It was like hell without you.”

Sakura blushed at that. “I honestly didn’t think you’d feel the same as me. I thought you’d gotten over me long ago.”

“I tried. Couldn’t. But I never really wanted to anyway.”

“Oh…”

“You never tried?” He asked then, head cocked to the side as he watched her from the head of the bed, whereas she was at the foot, laying on her front.

“You’re my soulmate. How could I ever move on from you?” To Sakura, there had been no point in trying.

“You would have been better off.” He sighed and went about refilling his glass, after that he leaned up to pour the remainder in her glass.

“So would you.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well neither do I.”

They both laughed then, eyes locked with mutual adoration. It was hard to forget someone you’d been madly in love with, when they’d only been taken from you. It was impossible for them to get over it, to move past it. They really never broke up because they never wanted to.

“I don’t think I can lose you again…” Sakura admitted quietly, eyes never wavering in the way she watched him.

Sasuke stretched out his hand towards her and she got up to crawl over to him and take it. “That’s a good thing, because I’ve already decided not to let that happen.”

Sakura reached over him to place her glass on the bedside table, Sasuke got rid of his as well and then she grabbed a hold of his face and touched her lips to his ever so softly. Sasuke’s hands embraced her naked body and held her loosely as each soft caress of a kiss melted him more and more. She was fire to his icy heart, bringing him back to what and who he once was when he had her all those years ago.

He could hardly kiss her back, for each peck was soft and quick and she was laying them on him more rapidly by the second. She smelled a citrusy mixture of oranges and lemons. It wasn’t overpowering, but sexy and arousing to him. He loved the way her slender fingers traced over his naked chest as she peppered kisses on his lips, chin, and cheeks. She tasted like the fruity wine they’d been drinking and pretty soon, Sasuke found himself taking control.

Her kisses were sweet, sexy and touching, but he needed more- so much more.

He would never get enough of her.

Sakura yelped in surprise when his hands suddenly scooped under her thighs and he hoisted her up at the same time he slid down on the bed. She had to think fast and catch herself against the wall before she went head first into it. Her heart pounded as she realized where he was going and before she could prepare herself, he was breathing hotly against her sex.

How just a breath could put her in a daze, she wasn’t sure. But, she shuddered at the feel of his long hair against her thighs, his breathing which seemed to pick up the instant he was in position and the way his fingers dug into her thighs.

“Oh my,” She squeaked, face turning beet red.

Sasuke turned his head to kiss her right thigh, and repeated the process with her left. Then he brushed his lips across her folds, followed by his tongue, touching all around where she really wanted him. Her arms wobbled as she fought to hold her weight which became just too much as yearning coursed through her, taking every ounce of strength she possessed.

“Sa… Ah!”

The second his tongue touched her wet sex, she gasped out a moan and greedily pushed herself down for more. It was intense, and Sasuke had always known just how to make her feel the most pleasure. He lapped at her sensitive and swollen bud with piercing attention.

All sound was stolen from her, Sakura couldn’t even breathe as the fire in her belly erupted and soon consumed her whole. With each lick she climbed higher, closer to orgasm and she prayed to Kami he wouldn’t deny her as she remembered him doing so many times in the past.

Sasuke thought about stopping. He thought about getting her to the brink and then pulling away to feel her come while he was inside her, but then he thought better of it. He didn’t want to disappoint her and he also had all intentions of making her come again anyway.

Soon as her body clenched up and finally found her voice, he pulled her down on his mouth, laving at her sweet cunt until it rippled and flittered against his tongue and lips. He held her firmly in place, suckling her clit until she was screaming and bucking viciously as he made damn certain her climax was all it could be and more.

It was almost too much. Sakura could only wail out incoherently as Sasuke forced her to endure the most excessive and extreme orgasm she’d ever experienced. By the time it was over and he’d finally removed his mouth for her body to relax and calm, tears were streaming down her face thanks to the harsh but exceptional experience.

“You okay?” Sasuke asked and Sakura glared at the wall as she panted, for she was able to feel and hear the smirk he had just then.

“Yeah, but you’re about not to be!” She declared just before his tongue slid across her still throbbing clit and she convulsed, unable to take any more at that moment, she was too tender and still recovering as it was.

Sasuke chuckled under her, but made no move as if he had no intentions of budging from his spot. “Calm down. You kill me being such a spitfire even in the most intimate of moments.”

“Well stop pissing me off.” She snapped, body still shaking in the aftermath of her climax. “Get up. That’s enough, don’t you think?”

“No… I don’t think so actually.”

“W-what?” She breathed, stiffening then. There was no way she could handle any more of that.

“Just relax, Sakura.”

“How can I, when you’re trying to kill me?”

“Hn. Ridiculous. Trust me, you’ll enjoy it.”

Sakura shook her head quickly. “I… I can’t. No more. Let me just… let me please you.”

Sasuke laughed. “If you want to please me then relax and let me play.”

Sakura took a deep breath and forced herself to calm. She would give him this, even if it did end up killing her. Once again Sasuke went about kissing and nibbling at her inner thighs, reawakening her hunger while still giving her body time to cool off and warm back up until she craved another orgasm.

By the time his tongue returned to her sex, she was ready for it, nearly ready to beg for it, but instead of going for her clit, his tongue circled her entrance slowly. She groaned at this and jumped up at the sensation, but Sasuke had a firm grip on her thighs and he wasn’t about to let her escape him.

Though it wasn’t easy for her to do so, Sakura relented and forced herself to give in to feeling, to enjoy the pleasure he was giving her. It would have been so much easier if she didn’t feel as if she would faint because of how overpowering it all was.

Sasuke knew she was struggling, that she wouldn’t be able to handle but one more orgasm before she’d more than likely pass out on the spot. It wouldn’t take him long to come and he’d already planned it all out anyway, it was just a matter of taking his time so she could enjoy it without it becoming too much for her.

One thing he was certain of was that she wanted him inside her, what with the way she cooed and rocked against him when he teased her entrance. Once he was certain she was relaxed and turned on enough for him to return to her clit, he did, while at the same time he brought his hand up to finger her opening, circling it with his index finger just as he had with his tongue. She cried out at the combination and only a few seconds later he had to stop to keep her from coming again.

He ducked out from under her, grabbed her around her waist and forced her on her back so quickly her head spun. She gazed up at him breathlessly as he loomed over her, wasting no time in getting to position. Her fingers twined in his hair when he rested his forehead against hers at the same time he entered her swiftly.

Finally, Sakura felt fulfilled, only noticing then that she’d needed to feel him inside her more than anything. Sasuke kissed her passionately, unable to keep still, for he needed to release after denying himself for too long.

Sakura wouldn’t dream of complaining. Everything felt so right. She moved with him, meeting him thrust for thrust until finally they both came together strongly. They were both passed out almost instantly afterward, a tangled mess of limbs and quivering bodies.

…

Sakura woke up groggily, struggling to fight her eyes open. She was disoriented and hung over but the second she turned her head to find obsidian eyes staring at her, she was sitting up with a start, everything else forgotten. The previous night came back to her in a flash and washed over her like a ton of bricks. Now sober, she blushed furiously as her mind replayed the events of the day and night before.

“Hey.” He whispered, voice husky and oh so sexy.

Sakura shuddered. “Um… Hey…”

Sasuke stretched onto his back and sighed. “We need to talk about what happened last night.”

Hesitantly, Sakura nodded, watching him from his side. “Yeah… I think we should.”

“We’ll talk over breakfast. It should be here in twenty minutes, we should shower first.”

“Um…” Sakura’s blush deepened as she gazed down and noted her weakened legs that felt no sturdier than pudding.

“What’s wrong?” She heard him ask before looking back at him and scowling when she saw the devious smirk on his lips. The bastard already knew and she half wanted to punch him right in his gorgeous face. “Don’t worry, I’ll carry you… and maybe a bath would be better suited.”

[3inghao]

crush anon here and AHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON bc i feel like out of all of us we have the weirdest (?) relationship bc we dont even have each other on social media or each others numbers and like again im still not in their group chat?? only me and my other suitemate (the other asian girl) arent in the group chat??? which is like,, really weird bc they mention it a lot but theyve never made any moves to add (1/15)

us to the group chat and like thats not really something you can just like,, ask to join,,, and so they all hang out and grab meals together or whatever and idk i guess its just bc they dont have as much schoolwork i guess?? and my roommate and him are both film majors so they have similar classes and i guess i just havent had that many opportunities to hang out otherwise?? but like ive only seen him once since drunk (2/15)

night and it was yesterday and it was because he was downstairs in the dance room of our hall taking pictures of three of the girls from our friend group for his hw and after theywere done they just came up toour room and hung out and like ,, i wanted to talk to him more but then my friend started swiping through her tinder and so he started to swipe through his and then my roommate and her started doing the matches (3/15)

on tinder for him and it was like,, they were judging the girls as they went by like ‘oh shes cute’ or ‘oh my god shes so weird’ and it was mostly them but i felt really uncomfortable bc they were all like attractive girls and i was like ahh,,, i guess theres me the potato ,, and like i dont want my friends to know i like him either bc 1. theyd all think its like the worst idea in the world bc everyone knows how much of a player he is (4/15)

2. i still dont know if my roommates into him and 3. i still dont really know him super well and it would just be so weird for the friend group?? dating within the friend group would be a terrrrrrible idea too,,, and like im so confused about what to do but one thing i do know is that i will never tell the friend group at least until i get closer to them and him.. and even so i dont think he likes me,, although i do think hes intrigued by me,, (5/15)

if that makes any kind of sense at all… i know hes actively trying to hook up/date other girls bc of the whole tinder incident and also the other guy friend in our friend group (went to hs with x) told us that he was trying to get with this british girl he met in an elevator bc she was super pretty (and again when i say super pretty i mean it bc the girls they were swiping left on tinder were all so pretty too ????) but yeah i just felt my (6/15)

stomach drop when i heard that bc i knew what kind of guy he was even before i had a crush on him but i cant help but feel so terrible whenever stuff like that happens.. and yet at the same time i feel like our dynamic is different anyways?? like idk if this makes sense but you know when you can just feel like theres something more to your relationship with a person?? like idk this might just be me projecting my delusional (7/15)

hopes and desires onto this interpretation but i can sense like we are both trying to feel each other out, and that we dont really know how to act around each other, and i feel like im so crazy and i must be imagining it but every time we make eye contact it always feels just a tiny bit longer than normal or with other people??? you know????? im honestly going insane thinking about this,, and every time we were together (8/15)

before drunk night i would shut myself down around him like i tried to avoid eye contact or engaging in conversation bc i was so scared of letting myself fall for him but it happened anyways and now im still scared but im trying to put myself out there and engage with him but then things happen like the tinder thing and i just shut right back down yesterday and pretended like i was really focused on my schoolwork or my (9/15)

readings and ahhh i really dont know whats going on anymore i still have so much hw to do on top of that and i dont see him often bc he doesnt live in the same hall as me, im not in the group chat, and im not the same major as him so essentially we only hang out on the weekends or occasionally on the weekdays if he comes over to our dorms bc my suitemates invite him or whatever ahhhhhh i cant stop thinking about it (10/15)

and i just keep oscillating back and forth from thinking that somethings finally gonna happen and that theres a crazy spark there to thinking that theres absolutely zero interest from his end and that he would never like me and that i would never want to be with a guy like that anyways and ahhhhh i know i just have to wait it out and continue to work on it (at least being his friend) but at the same time i feel like i should just drop the (11/15)

whole thing and pretend like that drunk night never happened and just treat him with polite distance and act like my opinion of him is 100% just neutral guy that im kinda friends with and has had some good times with but i also know nothing will ever happen unless im trying from my end and actively showing interest in him but again it would be so weird bc i cant flirt with him bc my friends would 1000000% be able to tell and i (12/15)

know its still too early ahhhh my head is spinning im literally going insane AHHHHHHHHHHH sorry and literally just as im writing this my roommate is facetiming her friend and was telling her a story and she referred to our group as ‘our friend group and also two other people who live with us’ MEANING she doesnt consider me and the other girl to be part of the friend group and i knew that deep down i really wasnt but i (13/15)

hang out with these guys a lot and i try my best to be supportive but not too clingy and idk what im doing wrong??? why do people not want to be my friend??? i?????????? im sorry for being so depressing but this is legit what i feel !!! and ahh i just kinda want to distance myself away from these people and get my own friend group but at the same time i dont bc i love these people but the thing is i dont know/i dont think (14/15)

they love me !!!!! wowie wow wow anyways that was my entire fucking rant about life in general and im sorry if im burdening you but i hope this message finds you well

AHHHHHHH CRUSH ANON IM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS I’m starting to feel better now I was at a real low place the past two weeks and just feeling bleh but i’m getting some help and i’ll be fine :))) but since it’s been so long WHAT ELSE HAS HAPPENED i don’t think you need to give up on your feelings for him and i don’t think you need to give up on the friend group, they’ve probs just been more tight-knit for longer so it’ll just take time before you’re fully part of the group, if that’s what u want. Don’t stress about the boy tho!!!! if it’s meant to happen it will ya know, you can’t force something. Maybe try just being friends with him first and maybe go from there?? ahhh i feel so bad at giving advice lolollll i hope i’m helpful or can just be some that can lend an ear to you to rant

[ghiblicottage]

see for me it's weird like, i like porn (i'm trying to stop for religious purposes), but i don't feel sexual attraction to people?? ever?? how do those two things integrate??? am i demi?? idk man idk it's confusing

dude same like ive been in this cycle of “wtf am i” for months/years now and i still have nothing figured out its exhausting

oh man this is gonna be long ill just go on a rant of all thats been going on on my mind for all this time lmao this is way too personal but whatever if not here where am i gonna share any of this … so all my rambling under the cut for anyone curious about my experience with being ace (probably, idek tbh)

i just? don’t feel things toward people ? but sex & love are okay/appealing to me? but also how the fuck should i know if i like it ive never tested it

and theres this constant pressure of telling wether you like males or females and u like? both? neither? idk ?? i just dont feel any different toward them? can’t tell wether its because im attracted to both or none? i can tell wether people are pretty, gorgeous, pleasing to look at even hot? but? boobs, penis, butts, pussy all that shit is just the same for me i can look at them i get this big nothing inside me … 

when i talk to my friends about it, okay im not blunt about it i try not to sound weird cause the real word is Judgy lmao but like id go “so like what’s sexual attraction for you?” and then theyd tell me “idk it feels kinda hot down there and shit when you look at someone hot” and yep none of that for me but then for the big Straights™ they are it’s obviously because im closeted gay or im just weird and prude you know, and on tumblr where the Gays are more vocal and share their experience i just cant relate either? so i just end up feeling like i fit in nowhere you know

kinda why itd be nice to have more asexual characters in popular media cause honestly im not here to explain over and over what it means to people who will only think that it makes you weird like yeah no thank you, so id like to be able to go like “you know that famous character ? yeah im like that too” and be done with it

ive come to define being ace as the opposite of bi, like we feel the same toward anyone as straight people feel toward the same gender and gay people feel toward the opposite one, if that makes any sense

but where do you go from there? sometimes ill get these fantasies about being in love and being in a relationship and being loved by someone and id be craving physical affection and hugs and just not feeling this void inside me but then i get confused as to wether or not i would be able to reciprocate any of that affection and if yes with who then? like what can i promise if i get in a relationship? are my feelings gonna be as deep as yours or is it just on the surface, if you wanna get physical how far am i gonna be able to go? i just got this endless list of questions going on and on and on its… exhausting

things like porn and smut, i think i like it but its more of a way to visualize things i dont know of i guess rather than something deeply exciting to me… im guessing people who really feel sexual attraction like it more, seeing all those naked people and stuff idk … like just when my brothers talk about “boobs” (okay theyre like 14 and 17 so not quite the reference but whatever) or when my friend talk about guys they find hot, i mean i can see that it’s sexual attraction they’re talking about and im just here yeah those are big stacks of meat but whatever you do you i guess

and when it comes to “love” i know that i want it you know i havent been fantasizing and getting all these butterflies over my ships since i was 10 for nothing, i crave this deep emotional connection, but also i cant seem to be able to feel it for anyone ? the closest ive gotten to a crush was when i was 14 and this guy said he genuinely liked me, as in liked my personality (because i got quite a few guys asking me out just for my looks who had never even talked to me and it always made me incredibly uncomfortable), and i got butterflies about it for like a day and a half lol but then it went away pretty quickly anyway and turned out he had a crush on my best friend which honestly didn’t even disappoint me… i think i just liked the idea of someone liking me for who i am you know. and i dont think ive ever felt anything like that for anyone since then so …  i also have never fell for my girl friends which i heard is a thing commonly experienced by lesbians

and here comes the confusing part, because if im gonna watch porn id rather watch lesbian porn, het porn makes me uncomfortable more than anything its like always about the male gaze, male pleasure idk, and i know lesbian porn is pretty much always about the male gaze too unfortunately but at least it shows female pleasure you know… and also i feel like girls smile more in lesbian porn which i like better but im not an expert lmao, and AT BEST id rather watch a good movie sex scene where ive been able to watch the people fall for each other first like in the handmaiden for exemple. But when it comes to fic/smut fic (and general shipping) i think i only ever read m/f ones, i think the idea of a guy falling in love with a girl is a thing i really love cause forgive me but irl guys dont seem capable of any emotions… SO what does that mean ?? wtf am i?? i dont fucking know smh

basically i guess all i can say is im on the ace spectrum and everything is confusing af, and im completely oversharing so feel free to ignore lmao but i thought maybe some confused ace over there might like to read about someone who has somewhat of a similar experience idk, id like that i guess, it’s kind of hard to find a place to fit in anywhere so its nice to feel a sense of belonging like we’re not alone or broken and all that

i hope i havent been too disrespectful or anything, also i kind of dont really like watching porn and, i mean its not like im a big consumer of it anyway, but im thinking of stopping too because this industry is incredibly hurtful to women and i think its good that you are trying to stop! 

anyhow im embarrassed now lmao i cant believe im sharing all that but whatever here we go

[wdfa]

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Case study: Starting with less than zero

I am not a trained financial expert. Im not an accountant, Im not a financial planner, and Im not a stock broker. Whats more, Ive made many many money mistakes on my own financial journey. As a result, Ive always been reluctant to sit down with people and go over their budgets. That seems to be changing. In March, I spent a couple of hours talking with a friend about her financial situation. A few days ago, another friend asked if Id be willing to meet with him in the near future to puzzle through his budget woes. And yesterday, I took three hours to chat about money with my friends Wally and Jodie. As always, Ive changed names and certain identifying features in the story that follows. Unless I have explicit permission to share details, I do my best to protect peoples privacy when I write about their intimate financial lives. Wally and Jodie have recently begun dating. Hes in his early forties (and recently divorced); shes in her late twenties. They both work in food service, and have done so all of their lives. Their trouble and the reason they asked me for help is that they cannot seem to make ends meet. They work hard but never have anything to show for it. In fact, they feel like theyre falling further and further behind. Can you help us? Wally and Jodie asked. I can try, I said. Lets look at your numbers. An Income Problem To start, I said, lets look at how much youre bringing in. Thats part of the problem, Jodie said. We dont have a fixed income. Because most of our money comes from tips, we cant predict how much were going to make from one month to the next. Right, said Wally. And it doesnt help that our hours are irregular. We both work at several different restaurants. Some pay better than others. Plus, there are days when you wont have any customers. When that happens, youre sent home early with nothing to show for it. Well, how much would you say you make on average? I asked. Wally and Jodie made some calculations. I make maybe $1400 per month, Wally said. On a good month, Ill make $1700. And Jodie makes another $1500. These numbers are after taxes. Jodie nodded. But we each just picked up a shift at a new restaurant. That should give us each maybe $500 extra each month. Thats great, I said, jotting down numbers in my notebook. But I dont like looking at potential numbers. I learned the hard way that when you budget based on future raises, bonuses, or other expected sources of income, you can get into real trouble. Obviously, you hope that extra money comes through, and when it does, you can apply it to your budget. Until then, though, its best to ignore it. I thought for a moment. My first impression before we even look at your spending is that youre not making enough money. Youre making less than $3000 per month combined. We should brainstorm some ways you can earn more. Starting with Less than Zero I turned a page in my notebook. Now, lets talk about how much youre spending. Thats the problem, Jodie said. We spend exactly what we bring in, no matter how much we bring in. That means theres never enough to catch up on our debts some of which were behind on. What are your biggest expenses? I asked. Well, our apartment costs $900 per month but itll go up to $950 pretty soon, Wally said. Not bad, I said. Thats actually a great price for Portland. And its a reasonable amount based on your income. I explained how the average American household spends one-third of its income on housing; I advocate aiming for 25% or less. Food costs money, Jodie said. We budget about $100 per week for groceries, but thats just bare bones stuff, you know? I have a car payment, Wally said. In fact, thats one of our biggest problems. I took out the loan when I was married. My ex-wife and I are both on the loan. It seemed reasonable at the time. Now, though, its a pain in the ass. I owe $12,500 on the car and payments are $300 per month. To make matters worse, Im already a couple of months late on my payments. This is causing me a ton of stress. It makes Jodie stressed, it makes my ex-wife stressed, and it makes me stressed. Hm, I said. I dont have any experience with getting behind on payments. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, for sure, but I was lucky. I never had an accident or got sick, so I was always able to make payments on time. I dont know that I have any good advice for you about this problem, but maybe some of my readers at Get Rich Slowly could help. Wally nodded. Honestly, thats one of our biggest frustrations with the money advice weve found, said Jodie. All of it assumes that youre starting from zero. Or more than zero. What if youre starting with less than zero? What if youre deep in debt we have $35,000 in debt, just like you used to and what if youre behind on your payments? What then? All of the advice we read seems to be written by rich people for rich people. Yeah, I can see how that would be frustrating, I said. Like I said, I dont have experience starting at less than zero. I started at zero. I was deep in debt, but once I stopped spending, I already had a gap between my income and spending, so I could immediately start paying down debt. You two have some catching up to do. We need to figure out how you can play catch-up. A Mountain of Debt As we worked through their budget, I was mostly impressed. While Wally and Jodie arent bringing in a lot of money, theyre not spending a lot of money either. As with most budgets, they did have some discretionary items that could be cut, but not a ton of them. (Their biggest discretionary expense seems to be local travel. Theyre spending a couple of hundred dollars each month to visit family and/or have fun with friends.) My biggest concern was their debt. Between the two of them, they have $35,000 in debt: $12,500 for Wallys car, on which hes upside-down. (I wish I could just sell it and wipe out the debt, Wally said. But Id still owe about $3000 if we sold it.)$12,500 for Jodies student loans.$10,000 of miscellaneous debts, such as $500 they just spent to buy new tires after getting stranded because of a flat. To complicate matters, Wally and Jodie are going through several large life transitions right now. Wally is fresh from his divorce, they just moved in together, theyre both trying to find permanent full-time jobs, and theyre thinking about moving to a cheaper place to live. So, thats our situation, Jodie said. For good or ill, thats what we have. Where do we start? How do we get out of this mess? Well, I said, the good news is that I think youre both capable of working together to build a brighter future. The bad news is that its going to take some time. Its also going to require some sacrifices or what seem like sacrifices. If you want to fix this, youll have to do some stuff that sucks in the short term. But I want you to remember: Most of these sacrifices are temporary. Theyre only until you manage to get rid of the debt. I read what you wrote about growing up poor and having a scarcity mindset, Wally said. I totally relate. My family was poor too. Any time my parents got money, they spent it. They felt like they deserved to treat themselves because theyd gone without for so long. And looking at my own life, I see that I do that too. Thats a tough trap, I said. I totally relate. And I know first-hand how when youre poor, you feel like any windfall should be spent on fun. But if you want long-term happiness and financial stability, you have to decide that for a year or two youre not going to give in to that temptation. When you get a bonus or a raise or a big tip from a table at work, youll put that money toward your financial goals, not toward a nice dinner out. Once you get rid of the debt, you can have all sorts of nice dinners out. But until then, you have to agree to make a game of living on less. Growing the Gap I want you to focus on two things, I said. The first thing is the gap between your earning and spending. Right now, you dont have a gap. Youre spending exactly what you earn. Its impossible to save for the future or to catch up on your debt if you dont make more than you earn. So, to start, you two need to do whatever you can to increase this gap. I turned back to my notes on their budget. You should trim your budget in whatever way you can. You dont have a lot to trim, but if theres anything you can cut, cut it. I know family is important to you, but maybe you can explain what that youre trying to get out of debt and need to take some time off from the visits. Or maybe make the visits shorter a weekend instead of a week. And remember: Youre not cutting these things forever. Youre only cutting them until you get rid of your debt. Wally and Jodie nodded. Because you dont have a lot to cut from your budget, I continued, I think the best way for you to increase your gap is to find ways to earn more money. Right now, youre both working at two or three or four different restaurants. You only have a few hours per week at each place. None of the restaurants are that nice, so you dont make great tips. Honestly, I think this is where you should focus most of your attention. Wally sighed. Weve talked about that, he said. Wed love to earn more, but nothing ever seems to work out. One place says its going to give us more hours, but it never does. Jodie will pick up a shift a nice restaurant across town, but then its a logistical problem to get there. I get frustrated by how much time is involved with all of this. Thats a good point, I said, and I dont have a good solution. Actually, you know what Id do if I were you? Youre both great servers. You do good work. Your bosses like you, and so do your customers. If I were you, I wouldnt be looking for work at diners and cafes. In your spare time which I know isnt much you should be applying for work at upscale places. When you work at a nicer place, you dont do any more work, but you make a lot more money. Plus, you have the advantage of interacting with a different sort of clientele. If you build relationships with some of them, who knows where that could lead? When I was in college, I made money by waiting tables. I received several job offers from regular customers who were impressed by my work ethic. I suspect that if Wally and Jodie were in the right environment, theyd experience the same kind of thing. Another option is to pick up a few hours work doing something completely different, I suggested. Maybe Jodie could work in a womens clothing store. Maybe Wally could do yardwork or handyman stuff. I think we get where youre going with this, Jodie said. We need to increase the gap between our earning and spending. Because we dont spend a lot, the best way to do this is to earn more moneysomehow. Yep, I said. Thats the gist of it. Thats the first thing I think you should focus on. Taking Baby Steps The second thing you should tackle is your debt. I know you both have things you want to save for long term, but I want you to put those dreams on hold for now. You cant save for your future until you pay off your past. My dad tells me I should save first before tackling the debt, Jodie said. He says I should build six months of savings before anything else. What do you think? I disagree, I said. I think saving six months worth of expenses is a fine goal, and thats absolutely what you should aim for. But thats not where you should start. As you increase your gap between earning and spending because remember everything depends on this gap I think you should apply your money according to the Dave Ramsey plan. Here, Ill explain. I made a modified list of Dave Ramseys baby steps: Build a basic emergency fund of roughly $1000 (while continuing to make minimum payments on debt). My advice is to keep this fund in a brand-new bank account that isnt connected in any way to your other accounts, I said. You want to make this easy enough to access when you need it, but not so easy that you can just access the money on a whim.Pay off all debt using some version of the debt snowball method. When I was struggling, I couldnt figure out how to get out of debt, I said. Dave Ramseys version of the debt snowball helped me. In your case, Id use a slightly different version. Wallys car seems to be a huge psychological weight. You two need to prioritize that. After youve saved your emergency fund, throw as much money as you can at debt with everything extra you can find going to that car.Save an enhanced emergency fund equal to six months of normal expenses. After youre out of debt, beef up your savings. I know youll want to start saving for other goals right away, but dont. Take time to add some margin to your life. Youll be glad you did.Pursue long-term financial goals, such as traveling, moving to Idaho, or buying a motorcycle. You know whats awesome? I said. After youve taken time to pay off what you owe using the debt snowball, then you can immediately start building a wealth snowball. If youre paying $500 toward debt each month, then once that debt is gone you can immediately start saving $500 per month! That all sounds great, said Wally, but to be honest, J.D., in some ways your advice is just like the other advice. What do you mean? I asked. Well, its assuming that were starting from zero. But were not. Were starting with less than zero. I have an idea, said Jodie. What if we added a step zero to the baby steps? We could call it putting out the fires. Before we save the basic emergency fund, we could throw every dollar toward catching up on the car payments. I think thats fantastic, I said. In fact, I think thats really smart. If you can take some quick steps toward increasing your gap between earning and spending, then you should be able to get caught up on the car within a few months if nothing goes awry. Then you can pursue the plan Ive laid out. Wally nodded. I think that makes sense, he said. Final Thoughts After three hours on the back deck, I sent Wally and Jodie home with a handful of money books. I could tell their minds were bubbling with new ideas. (Is gas for the car a Want or a Need? Wally texted me yesterday afternoon. I love it!) I know that Wally feels frustrated. He hates being over forty yet feeling like hes in the same place he was when he was twenty. I get it. But heres the thing: He has to adopt a beginners mind. Start where you are, I wrote in January. Dont fret about the past or how other people are doing. Wally needs to accept that his situation is what it is and work to improve from that point. Knowing what I know about these two, I really do believe theyre capable of starting where they are starting with less than zero and destroying their debt in a relatively short period of time. It took me 37 months to get out of debt. (I started on 21 October 2004 and finished on 03 December 2007. Thats a total of 1139 days to pay off $35,196 in debt.) Progress was slow at first, but accelerated rapidly toward the end of that period. Wally and Jodie have exactly the same amount of debt as I did when I decided to become CFO of my own life. My challenge for them is this: Get out of debt quicker than I did. Do it in less than 1139 days. If we count yesterday as Day One, then 29 September 2021 would be day 1138. Wally and Jodie, my hope for you is that together you can be debt free by that date or sooner. What advice do you have for Wally and Jodie? What can they do to improve their financial situation? Did you start your financial journey with less than zero? Have you ever fallen behind on payments? If so, how did you handle it? How did you caught up? https://www.getrichslowly.org/less-than-zero/

[bigbrotherorre]

episode one: “TODAY WE LEARNED UNLESS BRYCE FEELS LIKE THE PRETTIEST GIRL AT THE DANCE EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY, YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH” - AUTUMN hoh: BRYCE evicted: ROXY - 13 to 3

Okay WOOOO. So hey, I'm here doing a DR pre-season, because? I am cracked, a mess and SOOO EXCITED. Also, I looked up fun words, to find something to use as my confessional codeword, and "brouhaha" means "a noisy and overexcited reaction or response to something" WHICH IS SO APPROPRIATE. So woo, enjoy the brouhaha that is my excitement for this season. I just wanna say a couple of things: 1) Nicholas and Julia posting those clock gifs is gonna make my head fall off, thats so scary. If it means past season twists like someone said in the VL, I'm NERVY. RoseGold POVs are my biggest fear, and I know there was a season where prejury was all about them so YIKES. Calling it now, I'm gonna get sent home by a rosegold PoV. 2) Emily and Lukas was such an iconic F2, no matter whomst the F2 is in Orre, we will never match them 3) I wanna make some pre-season picks of who I expect to see cast, that way if they win, I can take total credit. I'm feeling like Raffy, Sammy and Aren might be in the cast, based on literally nothing khajsdfla. Raffy as a player terrifies me (I was also the person who brought him into this community so whew), but he gets CRACKED so whew! Aren is a scorpio so we stan. ANYWHO. I'm so excited for this season, its gonna be a HOOOOOT.

Wooh so ready for the season to start!!!

Hola, did you miss me? This is going to be me reflecting back on my Johto experience and trying to point out the mistakes I made, and how this game will be different. (this is before cast reveal) The first mistake I did in Johto was go against the premade. I was wary of Connor and Ari, and I thought painting the target on the returnee wouldnt only be easy but would be successful. And then I found out that I couldn't, and then Connor made friends with everybody on my team and fucked me over in the long run. The second mistake I did in Johto was being messy. A prime example was making pseudo "alliance" chats in order to sway the vote for people to keep me. This proved to be unsuccessful. I also had a mental breakdown like every night, so that just buried me more. The third mistake I did in Johto was throw the veto the week I was nominated. I felt like I couldve won it but I decided to study for my test. I didnt compete in the pov that i  shouldve won. SO now its time to do what I need to do for my redemption is quite simple. The last 3 ORGs ive played for BB i have made 2nd, 4th, and 3rd. And I learned quite a lot To negate my first mistake I'm not going to publicly target anbody. I will join the mob mentality to ensure my safety in early weeks. To negate my second mistake I am going to keep all my alliances as 1on1s. No alliances bigger than 3 people, and make sure to keep whatever information I have to myself. I will not snake out any information. To negate my third mistake is to try in all competitions. I will not throw anything I will not submit for anything unless I really cant. If I give it my all and still leave I can't beat myself up that bad. I'm nervous, but I'm ready. These freaks aren't gonna know what hit them.

Okay one hour to premiere! The fact that I've made two DRs pre-season? thats wild. I am gonna give a go at predicting the cast, based on... borderline nothing, beyond paranoia: Veronica Constance Raffy Autumn Olivia Eddie Elmo Hals Sammy Aren Those are guesses I'm confident in, so I'm gonna stick to that! Lets see if I get anyone right ajlkdsfas

Okay this isn't as bad as i thought except i'm a hot ass mess and messaged a picture into the house chat and i'm about to DIE

wut in the FUCK is happening who the hell are these people theyre mental all of them. nice to see sammy and ali though i fucking love them but i am terrified of playing with ali i literally said to my host chat 3 hrs before the game started "please say its all newbies so im not playing with zeezo" AND SHES HERE WTF

omg this FREAKING CAST IS WILD and i'm not gonna lie i'm a little worried that i might fight over half of them before the second week is finished...

not gonna lie seeing ashvika and roxy made me wanna kill myself but also i'm totally dying at the sight of ZEEZO AND BRYCE <3 also THIS COMP FREAKING SUCKS i need to find a group of friends asap so i don't flop. i'm gonna try to bring together bryce, zeezo, sammy, kat, and maybe ricky.... either gonna be lit or bite me in the ass

Hi!!! Y'all casted way too many people but it's ok cause I really like everyone so far whew. Also I really will do my intro video I swear... first thing tomorrow lmao 

THIS SHIT IS OVERWHELMING AF! SOOOO MANY FREAKIN PPL IM TALKIN TOO! I LIKE MOST OF THEM but som im like k. then like the call i do not want to join bc shit they cracked af! hopefully its not my undoing but i feel like my social is pretty strong atm.  #BBgameEVER

i'm just happy that ashvika is willing to put our unnecessarily tragic rivalry behind us and play this game right this time around. hopefully we'll be able to keep up the "we hate each other" look in the house chat and such so we can actually WORK TOGETHER this time. obvi i love her, and i just want the backstabbing madness to stop. hopefully she really has put out past behind her bc i'm ready to move on. like we're both pretty, we need to stick together. also shook that i talked to blake the longest today in pms???? like???? okay??? bryce and i look like we're in this for the long haul, hopefully we aren't first and second boot!! bc i have a weird feeling imma be pre-jury for some reason dsgdf

Night 1 Thots: Short term goal? to be as pathetic as possible. Probaly shouldn't have told alivia so soon that I was johnchen from bbtc world as after watching her intro vid. the could come back to bite me. Ryan seems like someone who I can ride on his coat tails for a while to get my foot in this game. So short term I need to be as pathetic as possible and hope this julia/bryce/sammy thing from house of shade starts to erupt.

me at alivia

Really regretting making my code word tractor.. Not a fan.  But um me and alivia talked for like 4 hours and we're both legends. We have a cute google sheet bet ur all jealous. Her and ashvika are gonna pretend that they hate each other but they dont actually!! How fun. Hope i dont slip and blow their covers JKDFHKSJD. Everyone seems to know everyone which is scary. When i first saw Jela and Julia were cast I was scared that theyd target me b/c we had a rough introduction, but honestly theyre legends. Idk why i told jela i was missing a left toe.. but i did and now idk what to do about that whole thing. Maybe ill say i got drunk and dont remember saying that but it isnt true.. IDK WHAT TO DO. But um yaa happy to see zeezo here too but scared ppl will think we're a duo but honestly I dont think ppl will. Um I should do a cast first impression thing wooh! Ricky: Played my first tumblr game with him but dont really know him. Seemed nice but not much there Randy: seems like a legend. Poc king. Um talked to him and he wanted to know more about me but wouldnt talk about himself so!! Idk hope we talk more seems fun. Julia: Um called me out. Called me fat. Fun tho!! Seems untrustworthy but no bad blood. Roxy: Talked a bit, um shes fun?? Dont think she likes me Ashvika: how can one girl be so pretty??? Shes smart too. Like i want to hate how perfect she is. The type of girl to throw my game away for tho so I need to make sure I dont!! Alivia: how can one girl be so pretty??? Shes smart too. Like i want to hate how perfect she is. The type of girl to throw my game away for tho so I need to make sure I dont!!  Honestly want to go to the end with her tho so I just am gonna have to make sure I outplay her so we can be f2. Bryce: ugly cast pic. Is he even a poc??? Zeezo: THE LOML I LOVE HER SO MUCH. we both seem to be working together so im happy. Hope to work with her and have her carry me in comps. She will beat lachies record. #menareover Kat: wish she was jade ;(. JK!! Love her so much already. She is so nice and fun and like just seems like a great person. Honestly shes gonna mist me too. Jose: Epicmafia king. We never work together and always betray each other so... first chance for everything??? He seems fun tho love him hope he slays (less than me tho) Sammy: I literally love him hes so nice but i never pm him so thats awk KDSJFHDKSj hope that this game changes that!! Lynn: Legend. Loves hufflepuff, hates middle school. Like I think we click but i know her and blake are like super close so idk if shed ever be closer with me but i hope so b/c shes just like.. amazing!! Saxon: Talks a lot. About himself. Maybe itll change when i talk to him more. Likes super hero movies so wooh i guess. Jela: Thought she hated me but maybe now she doesnt. Shes really funny actually so hopefully we can be allies. Blake: know that hes super smart and good at the game but like he got rekt by queen tara so maybe ill do that to him. We talked but it was bland but guess ill push through it Dennis: So his name is annoying to spell so had to change that quick. Kind of hate him??? But hes fun!!! Didnt know carly rae jepsen made music still so like the stan in me wanted to hang up the call on him. BUT then he msged me asking for carly songs to listen to so like.. love him now. Cant believe he knew all the social game hed need with me was just pretending to like my queen Autumn: We talked about her past games and it was basically me fangirlling about her ENDING eddie LOL. think we can work together because we both like intersectional feminism John: Tried talking to him but didnt go anywhere. But im gonna make it work!! Ive decided we'll be close so wooh Olivia: took 2 hours to respond to me. like musicals tho. kept ignoring me tho. Alivia outsold. Ali: PURE KING. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. NO ONE IS BETTER. I COULD NEVER TURN AGAINST HIM. SO IM GONNA NEED OTHERS TO DO IT FOR ME. Love his dog even tho i misgendered her but it wont happen again. Think we'll be close. reptiles stick together!!

WHEWIE. Okay I tried filming a video confessional, but my thoughts are such a mess, so I've decided writing it out will be considerably more coherent. YIKES SO. This season is already so wild, like this cast.... is gonna be a lot. I already can tell this season is going to have lots of fights and I don't know... how ready I am for that eeeek. But otherwise, my illiteracy means I don't understand the lottery twist so I love that. The returnee twist is fun though, like I feel like at the start of games, I go into panic mode, so having returnees I can go to about that, might make them feel like I'm an easy number and that they want to work with me? The people I knew before this season (like I'd actually spoken to): Bryce, Julia, Ashvika, Autumn & Olivia (I loosely knew Ricky, Blake & Sammy too) Within the game itself, the people I've had the best conversations with are Jose, Kat, Olivia, Ashvika & John. Olivia is like one of my favourite people in the community, and also a super good player so I'd love to work with her. I also think the fact that we are friends is something nobody in the cast should know (I think) so thats fun. Jose was such a big threat/player last season, and the vibe I get from him this time is he wants to tone that down? I'm not good at working with super cracked people, so him being slightly in the middle between UTR and cracked, will make him a super good person to work with I think. He is also the only person I've like...talked game with, even though its super limited, just that I wanna work with him. I'm a weirdo and watched all the Alola cast assessment stuff, and it sounds like Kat was playing really well, but got stuck in a funky position and couldn't recover, so I think she is gonna be a major threat this time and I'd love to work with her too woooo. Ashvika is a queen. Just plain and simple. She is so wholesome and nice, and already seems loosely on the same page as me, so thats iconic. John scares me ajkhsdfaslf. i think he is a total newbie, and I also think he is gonna get super cracked, and thats.... scary asdkjflas Dennis I just started talking to properly, he is in my timezone-ish, so that will be good for my sleeping pattern if he ever wins HoH or anything, but I worry he may struggle to make connections, so I'm not sure how much he can help me as an ally? The others I'm gonna try and do more rapid fire, since this confessional is already massive hjkasdflsaf: Alivia: Really really nice! We haven't spoken all that much, but she seems super friendly and she was really loyal in Unova, which makes me feel good about maybe working with her? Also Ali in the name? we love legends Ricky: Ricky is.... an interesting one ljaksdfla. He is a fun personality to have around, so I hope he sticks around. I'm not sure how invested he will be in any of these games, but I hope he gives it a good go woo Randy: Randy is gonna be such a threat already I can tell sahkjfdla Also he lowkey scares me, because whenever I would start pm'ing people on call yesterday, he would run to my pms asking why I wasnt pm'ing him which freaked me out sjkadflas. He seems fun though, and Dom stans him so we stan Julia (The Witch): An icon. A legend. An inspiration. Also terrifying skjahdfla. She mentioned all stars on call yesterday and my heart stopped, because I hated how I was in that game and dont want it talked about. I think she is gonna fight people and I don't especially want to get on her bad side! Roxy: Havent spoken to her much, it might be tricky talking to her, since we are both in weird timezones, we will see Bryce: A SWEETHEART. I love Bryce soo much. We worked together in a mini once, and it was super fun, so I'd love to work with him more. Zeezo: She seems super nice! I don't really know her, beyond that she is POVzo and probably a comp threat, but I think she will be fun. I know her and Bryce are friends so we will see where that goes jahdfka Sammy: Super nice! I loosely know him, but he seems like he will be good fun. I havent spoken to him much, so I hope he is gonna be active rip Lynn: I know of her from Moheli, and I know her and Blake were ride or dies which I am wary off.... Otherwise, she has been super quiet and I could see her.... potentially going early rip a queen Saxon: FUDGE. I havent spoken to him at all which is scary, since I feel like he probably already knows a lot of this cast, so if he wins RIP me I guess. Otherwise, he seems like a fun personality so wooo Jelaminah: Ummm. She is wild. Like really wild. I think I stan her, but I also am like.... concious that she is a lot, and its sometimes too much for me. I'm a bit annoyed by her tbh, but its just because she was like laughing at people's sexualities, as if she didnt believe them, and thats super ugly, but I couldn't exactly say anything to her. I think she is gonna be a super dominant personality, but whew we will see. Blake: I know he was a big player in Moheli, but I think he also rubbed people the wrong way.... We will see how he does, he seems iconic Autumn: A QUEEN. She is the most inactive so far which is worrying. I don't want her to go early. I could really see her going up this week, but maybe us two havent talked much, since she is just comfortable in our relationship? AND WHEW. Thats everything, if anyone read this, I love you for that. Otherwise, wooo I'm super nervous, I love my DR guests Owen and Emily and eek. We will see!

ahhh okay so, I’m super excited about meeting new people....BUT...this cast is so huge and I’m so nervous. I like everyone for the most part and I’ve been trying to like talk to some people I’ve played with in the past to maybe smoothe over some bad relationships? The only person I’m still like nervous about is Julia because she kills the straight men and she hates Gemini’s. AND WHAT AM I? A STRAIGHT MALE GEMINI. I don’t think she’s very good at comps tho and I know she would go for Bryce before me. Anyway I seriously love Kat because she is so genuine and I just want to work with her. Also I want to work with alivia, roxy, zeezo, Olivia, randy, Jela, ricky, and autumn! There’s a few others as well but I’ll prob do like a video DR and talk about how I feel about everyone...who knows.

Jose is officially my showmance and we stan asjdkfaslf. He is so nice and my favourite new person I've met in the cast anyway, and he won lots of comps last season so I'm ready for him to drag me to the end dlakjfasfa.

bryce better not fucking put me up or i'm gonna SHOOT 

wow so happy bryce is HoH!!!! perfect week one :$

I am actually really happy that bryce won this HOH bc that means my ass hole is safe! PRaise BE. MY showmance that was made by ALIVIA has saved my ass and partly to me sorta already knowing him through tara! BITHCH TARA LOLOVE UR ASSSS. ANd shoot idk what these gays are lookin at but ppl be sayin they think im cute. maybe its like when i look at a potato or like  a waffle fry??  who knows ahaha but like some of these boys be good lookin like damn. hit me and my crocs up boys ;P

I am not a bottom. ya dumb bitch

Bryce is nomming me for not playing in the hoh. Gurl gurl im not a newb who would buy up that excuse

Just say we arent alligned and im good with the other players and id belive you why would i buy that you, a player whose played a few games by now, would nom someone for abstainimg

Okay SO. I filmed a video confessional earlier, but its already super out of date so its time for an update! I have spoken to lots of people that I hadn't talked to since premiere night which is good, Alivia & Kat are so nice! Jose is, as always a king, and I think (other than Olivia) he is my closest ally rn, so woo we stan. Otherwise, I spoke to Bryce, and it seems like (praise be), I'm not getting nominated, WOO! He says he is nominating Roxy/Autumn, with Julia getting the future shock thingie. Like I told him, the future shock is kind of like a curse and we know Julia loves a good curse, so its a good matchup aljdfkas. Otherwise, these nominations make sense. I LOVE Autumn, but she has been the quietest person in the cast, so I assume she is gonna go first rip. Roxy I have spoken to a fair bit, but I know she is in a funky timezone, which probably throws off her ability to be active. Bryce seemed like he was being pretty open with me, so I hope I'm not the backup plan if somebody comes off. I feel like my social game is pretty strong so I wouldnt have thought people in the house would push for me as a renom and eI'd be suprised if I get nominated! Last but not least, the unfortunate thing is how MENINIST these nominations are akjsdfla, we are really putting the orre in discriminatorrey.

First DR of the game. I'm not going to do first impressions because I'm not that dry. The game started when I was put in this bitch, so I'm here to go at full force. I'm going to play a strong balance of a great 1 on 1 social game while still being a great personality people love. As of right now I'm being constantly dragged and roasted, and I wouldn't want it any other way. (But this is before HOH so the claws are bound to come over) So my game has been very social as of right now. Before HoH I focused on making genuine connections. I'm good with all the returnees at this point. None of them have beef with me, and I made it clear that I want to work with all of them (while this is farther from the truth). I'm just being diplomatic because there's some tension between the returnees that will have to be released soon. With the returnees I connected automatically with Zeezo. Me and her didnt even small talk its was just game talk from moment one. Thats a great relationship to have, and I'm definitely maintaining it. Jose and Alivia have been talking to me more. Jose has been more open with working with me than Alivia so : \\. All the returnees from Kanto-Sinnoh are here because theyre entertaining, the bitches from Unova-Alola would be casted for redemption but don't meet the criteria. I made an alliance with Jelaminah and Ricky. This is mostly because I need to be on Jelaminah's good side because I know the bitch knows how to play. So i would rather be scheming with her than against her. Ricky is just a number. On housecalls I saw that Jela was talking to Julia a lot. So I started talking to Julia a lot more. I surprisingly trust her a lot more than I thought I would. So me and her aren't beefing, but her and Bryce are. HOS20 affects this game because Julia and Saxon are aligned in this game and they're against Bryce and Sammy as of right now. I know Julia can drop a vendetta, but Saxon is just horrible about it. And I hate Saxon so much. He just gives me second hand embarassment and i dont know why. Like I'm so happy I've trained myself to hold my tongue because the shit he wears on housecalls actually make me laugh. He posted a picture of him shirtless and it was literally looking at rotten spam meat. Its not cute, and he is just so prude in pms because he obviously doesnt want to talk to me. I can make a separate DR about Saxon because he brings out all the hate and all the angst I had when I was in Johto. But going back to the topic Julia fought Sammy and Bryce ig and Saxon thinks Julia is right because he's a kissass and is a savvy feminist. I love Julia so her having beef isnt good. I talked to her and she said she didnt have good relations with Olivia, Bryce, Sammy, and Autumn. And i was shocked that this game is so against her, but this is great information because its something I can utilize. But those are her problems, and they dont affect me. If she wants to play with me she's gonna have to fix amends or take them out 1 by 1First DR of the game. I'm not going to do first impressions because I'm not that dry. The game started when I was put in this bitch, so I'm here to go at full force. I'm going to play a strong balance of a great 1 on 1 social game while still being a great personality people love. As of right now I'm being constantly dragged and roasted, and I wouldn't want it any other way. (But this is before HOH so the claws are bound to come over) So my game has been very social as of right now. Before HoH I focused on making genuine connections. I'm good with all the returnees at this point. None of them have beef with me, and I made it clear that I want to work with all of them (while this is farther from the truth). I'm just being diplomatic because there's some tension between the returnees that will have to be released soon. With the returnees I connected automatically with Zeezo. Me and her didnt even small talk its was just game talk from moment one. Thats a great relationship to have, and I'm definitely maintaining it. Jose and Alivia have been talking to me more. Jose has been more open with working with me than Alivia so : \\. All the returnees from Kanto-Sinnoh are here because theyre entertaining, the bitches from Unova-Alola would be casted for redemption but don't meet the criteria. I made an alliance with Jelaminah and Ricky. This is mostly because I need to be on Jelaminah's good side because I know the bitch knows how to play. So i would rather be scheming with her than against her. Ricky is just a number. On housecalls I saw that Jela was talking to Julia a lot. So I started talking to Julia a lot more. I surprisingly trust her a lot more than I thought I would. So me and her aren't beefing, but her and Bryce are. HOS20 affects this game because Julia and Saxon are aligned in this game and they're against Bryce and Sammy as of right now. I know Julia can drop a vendetta, but Saxon is just horrible about it. And I hate Saxon so much. He just gives me second hand embarassment and i dont know why. Like I'm so happy I've trained myself to hold my tongue because the shit he wears on housecalls actually make me laugh. He posted a picture of him shirtless and it was literally like  looking at rotten spam meat. Its not cute, and he is just so prude in pms because he obviously doesnt want to talk to me. I can make a separate DR about Saxon because he brings out all the hate and all the angst I had when I was in Johto. But going back to the topic Julia fought Sammy and Bryce ig and Saxon thinks Julia is right because he's a kissass and is a savvy feminist. I love Julia so her having beef isnt good. I talked to her and she said she didnt have good relations with Olivia, Bryce, Sammy, and Autumn. And i was shocked that this game is so against her, but this is great information because its something I can utilize. But those are her problems, and they dont affect me. If she wants to play with me she's gonna have to fix amends or take them out 1 by 1. Until then I'm going to spend my time with investments that are bound to pay off. Which are with the newbies. I've been spending a lot of time on Blake because Blake lives 20 minutes away from me. I'm trying to hold this down as secret as possible. He likes me, and I want to work with him so I'm just going to continue our friendship and ensure that we're a duo. He doesn't talk a lot in the housechat which is concerning to me, but he does hold very strong one on one relations with most of the house. Lynn is also a south carolina native, and she is just so infectious. She is very intimidated by the large cast meaning that she hasnt bonded that well with a lot of people. So i put two and two together and made a South Carolina alliance. I know Blake is genuine about it. But the main purpose of this alliance is to keep Lynn under my sphere of influence. I can't have no newbies on my side. No ma'am Another newbie who stands out for me is John. John is just really active, and such a social threat. Meaning that his word has saying. So far my relationship with him has been "hey let literally help you with anything and expect nothing in return". With him im trying to show myself as a puppet, or somebody who is very very useful with him. And I actually showed that this week when Bryce won HOH. Won't lie I didnt want but also wanted HOH at the same time. When Bryce won it I was very wary of what was going to happen. Then John comes up to me saying that Bryce is thinking of nominating him. And since I had a decent bond with Bryce I know that I had to save John. So when Bryce talked to me he was dead set as Roxy as the initial nom and target, and Julia for safety this week.  Then he mentioned that he was on the fence because he didnt know if he wanted Autumn or John nominated. So I told him the truth that it would be silly to nominate somebody as active as John. And so John wasn't nominated. I stuck my neck out for John and was one of the reasons he isn't nominated this week. And these game things build genuine trust since I'm not just talking to talk. I'm walking to walk and this game isn't ready for Randyy.

Hello ladies and gentlemen you're looking at the first nominee of the season waysup

Imma get to the bottom of this so ain't even worried. I just feel bad y'all didn't even get one happy confessional from me. We just jumped straight into poppin off. That's ok though! Nice for what am i rite

Bryce is full of shit and I'm embarrassed for him. Like who makes an enemy out of me on Day fucking 3? Really my guy? That's the first thing you thought of when you had 19 people to pick from? Apparently I'm getting nominated because the other 18 people in the cast talked to Bryce yesterday and I didn't. Not only do I not buy that, but we just not gonna acknowledge the fact that I talked to him on 2 of the 3 days the game has been going on so far? K cool. Today we learned unless Bryce feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you're not doing enough Also can we talk about how the "I'm so happy to play with you I always root for you" energy that Bryce was selling to me on day one didn't even last a round? Hiigghkey I feel like the people who know me in the cast are secretly happy cause they know I'm petty enough to take Bryce out and I'll have no problem taking the fall for it. Ali, Ashvika, Sammy, Julia, Olivia- they know I don't play that shit. Can you imagine being first HOH, using it on me, and then thinking I'm not mad at you because I "understand" that nominating me was "the easiest thing to do"?

SHIT YOUR BOI JUST DID THAT TONIGHT! IF U KNOW YOU KNOW. 😜😂

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

woo I'm on call with Autumn, Sammy, Jela & Dennis. THEY ARE SO FUN. I am back on the Jela stan train, she is actually super nice! I think I want Autumn to stay this week (and I think she could too)! Roxy is super sweet, but Autumn is a queen and the queen stays queen! Oh, I'm not using the veto too, its way too early to make a move and I don't know who would go up instead. I'm still SHRIEKING that I won that veto somehow kjlasdfa

CLICK HERE TO SEE RANDY’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

[5/9/18, 2:45:32 PM] Blake Sanders: do you want money?? [5/9/18, 2:45:41 PM] Blake Sanders: BC THE MONEY WANTS YOU! [5/9/18, 2:45:43 PM] alivia: do you wanna be rich??? [5/9/18, 2:45:53 PM] Blake Sanders: ^^^^^^ RICH [5/9/18, 2:45:58 PM] Blake Sanders: not just driving nice car rich [5/9/18, 2:46:07 PM] Blake Sanders: I mean using cheeta fur as toilet paper rich! [5/9/18, 2:46:15 PM] alivia: 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 [5/9/18, 2:48:20 PM] alivia: YOUVE BEEN HAND SELECTED [5/9/18, 2:48:31 PM] alivia: BECAUSE WE THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES [5/9/18, 3:07:19 PM] rixxy 🦄: Hi I just got off work [5/9/18, 3:07:23 PM] rixxy 🦄: what the FUCK is this? [5/9/18, 3:07:33 PM] alivia: DO YOU WANT MONEY??? [5/9/18, 3:07:52 PM] rixxy 🦄: i'm scared but absolutely [5/9/18, 3:07:58 PM] Blake Sanders: FUCK YA! [5/9/18, 3:07:58 PM] alivia: WE WANT YOUR HELP SCAMMING THIS HOUSE! [5/9/18, 3:08:09 PM] alivia: it’s good to be a little scared [5/9/18, 3:08:12 PM] rixxy 🦄: I definitely don't like where this is going. [5/9/18, 3:08:12 PM] Blake Sanders: MONEY WERE GOIN TO RULE THIS AND MAKE MONEY [5/9/18, 3:08:26 PM] Blake Sanders: BUT U WILL RIXXY [5/9/18, 3:08:31 PM] rixxy 🦄: god [5/9/18, 3:08:34 PM] Blake Sanders: <3 [5/9/18, 3:09:00 PM] lynnt: yes [5/9/18, 3:09:53 PM] alivia: you’re gonna be rich so you gotta live rich [5/9/18, 3:11:57 PM] Blake Sanders: There’s like a joining fee [5/9/18, 3:12:01 PM] alivia: yep [5/9/18, 3:12:09 PM] alivia: like scientology [5/9/18, 3:12:21 PM] alivia: but like this is real [5/9/18, 3:12:56 PM] rixxy 🦄: i'm not paying for this [5/9/18, 3:13:01 PM] rixxy 🦄: is this like a legit game thing? [5/9/18, 3:13:03 PM] rixxy 🦄: bc [5/9/18, 3:13:07 PM] lynnt: then imma opt out b/c this rich bitch is cheap and that’s why i’m rich [5/9/18, 3:13:55 PM] Blake Sanders: I mean we legit love u guys [5/9/18, 3:14:07 PM] rixxy 🦄: is this an alliance [5/9/18, 3:14:12 PM] rixxy 🦄: bc i'm uncomfortable and confused [5/9/18, 3:14:35 PM] alivia: woah woah woah [5/9/18, 3:14:41 PM] alivia: everyone calm down [5/9/18, 3:15:09 PM] alivia: don’t worry about the money. you can pay the joining fee AFTER we’re rich [5/9/18, 3:15:15 PM] alivia: don’t worry [5/9/18, 3:15:16 PM] rixxy 🦄: like i'm actually having an anxiety attack can you RATMEME.PNG literally..... WHAT???? blake and i were talking and started joking about being scammers bc sdfkal and then i was like "we should start a scammer alliance" and that's how it all started. we thought it would be SO funny if we just added them to a chat and started trolling them about scamming houseguests out of their money dljgdkfjg and i thought MAYBE lynn and ricky would be confused at first but ricky literally lost his mind like ooops my bad WE THOUGHT WE WERE FUNNY BUT I GAS NOT. [5/9/18, 3:16:08 PM] alivia: it’s a joke but kind of an alliance [5/9/18, 3:16:21 PM] alivia: but mostly a joke [5/9/18, 3:16:44 PM] rixxy 🦄: i literally thought i got dragged into some kind of game twist and i wouldn't play my own game god [5/9/18, 3:17:08 PM] alivia: omg WHAT [5/9/18, 3:17:19 PM] alivia: LITERALLY THE BIGGEST JOKE NOT SERIOUS [5/9/18, 3:17:25 PM] alivia: IMSORFY [5/9/18, 3:17:28 PM] rixxy 🦄: like i thought it was some saboteur/team america bullshit [5/9/18, 3:17:35 PM] alivia: omg noooo [5/9/18, 3:17:42 PM] rixxy 🦄: all i want to do is play the game and i literally thought that was snatched from me [5/9/18, 3:17:50 PM] alivia: HOW??? [5/9/18, 3:18:17 PM] rixxy 🦄: idk i thought y'all were a twist sdksksksksks sdfjsdl wow fuck me i gas??? my social game is really off to a great start!!! gotta get ricky outta here asap now

Right now i am on CAll with SAMMY SAM bc im bad at talking to multiple people at a time! SOOOOOO SAMMY is like wanting to be ym ally but like do i trust his ass??

CLICK HERE TO SEE JOSE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okayyyyy so this is definitely something different like bb is hard tbh. there's too many people to talk to and i just really don't care about continuing to keep up a convo with some of them but you have to or bye bye. i have definitely not been as social as most and that is def scary but the people that i have talked to and made connections are super nice. so that's why i was so glad when the people that won HOH and POV are people i talked to. uuhHHuh i have no fucking clue who i want to evict tonight so that's fun! ya know autumn is super nice and chill but she did go dark for a while and roxy is super fun and i still haven't heard ANY singing and i want to and she is campaigning really hard so she really wants to stay BUT since she's campaigning so hard to stay and kinda saying anything to EVERYONE who knows what she'll do to stay in the game later on. idk is it too early to be thinking about later in the game?? idkkk thanks for coming to my rambling ted talk. find out next time on if i've decided.

CLICK HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

OK SOOOO the eviction is coming up tonight and its either going to be Autumn or Roxy! NOw autumn is a super sweet queen but i feel like she will kill me if need be! but i still lvoe her! now roxy she is fighting for her life like she is making me promises i think she will not be able to keep. bc ive heard form other hosue guests she is making the same promises to them. NOW i love talkin to her about food and cooking but i feel awful that im most likely going to evict her! but o well it has to be done im glad its not me

i feel like i should give like a summary of like where i am with everyone and how i feel about them all before the first eviction! ALI: Well i first knew him because he reached out to me about a game he is gonna host. He like doesn't talk to me much which makes me nervous... I like him a lot but looks like we are just acquaintances atm. ALIVIA: OK I FREAKIN LOVE HER! SHE IS HILARIOUS! WE STARTED A ALLIANCE CHAT CALLED SCAMMERS R' US AND RICKY LEGIT FREAKED THE FUCK OUT AND WE WERE ALL LIKE WTF JUST HAPPENED HE IS INSANE! i hope i get to work with her a lot during this game and talk about ice cream! But i do see her stabbing me in the back later on so ill prob strike first. LOVE YA ASHVIKA: now this girl is a goddess she is beauty and she is grace! we talk like avg and stuff we have small chats nothing about gamewise. I see her as not being a threat as in targeting people or winning HOH i see her as a social threat. I think she will go far but not win she will def be jury. I think she is amazing tho and shes a model soo like i want to be her. AUTUMN: Now Autumn is a delight to be around so sweet and seems so pure but she will kill me i just know it. She's the beautiful flower in the garden that turns into a man eating plant <3 she is temptation and i may fall for it BLAKE: ive been told i was a certified good boy BRYCE: Now i knew him b4 this game bc of my friend TARA LOVE YOU BITCH <3 ! i think he will keep me around but idk if our bond is tight enough. i dont think he will choose to evict me yet. but other thsn that i want to work on having a closer bond with him for sure! DENNIS: I like dennis he just iidk theres not alot to say? me adn him talk about video games and stuff but whenever i talk to him i like forget like why im talkin to him lol! but he is super chill! JELAMINAH: THIS WOMAN <3 IS AMAZINGLY FUNNYY! SHE IS ONE PERSONALITY I WANT TO GET ON MY SIDE~! she is hilarious amd an amazing person i want to work with her sooo bad! i talk to her in oms sometimes but she is more of a on call person i believe or she just doesn't wanna talk to me ahah . O AND JELA I TAKE BACK TO WHO I THINK THE CUTEST BOY HERE IS ! JOHN : I love john! me and him talk trash about  random things and it is hilarious! i hope he feels as close to me as i am to him! i feel like we can work together in the long run. JOSE: Ive only talked to Jose just a little bit so im worried if he ever wins HOH bc i may be nominated! so i better get my ass into high gear and talk to him more. other than that i remebr him as the guy who someone hit his fence with a car. JULIA: NOW i have heard things about this girl! like that she is ana amzing player and i better watch out for her! IM SO SORRY JULIA BUT U R ON MY HITLIST! AND SADLY U NEVER U LEFT ME ON READ IN MY PMS RUDE~! KAT:I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT KAT BUT WE JUST STARTED TALKING TODAY AND WE HELPED names each others plants! she is a precious person and i love her! she is so funny! i want to work with her for this game! LYNN: YALL THIS IS MY BITCH ! I LOVE YOU LYNN WE PLAYED IN MOHELI TOGETHER AND AFTER THAT IT WAS HISTORY WE BECAME BEST FRIENDS VISITING EACH OTHER AND STUFF! SHE ONLY LIED 2 HOURS FROM ME WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL I SAW HER ALL THE TIME! I AM MOST DEF WORKING WITH HER! SHE IS MY BESTFRIEND! <3 LOVE U OLIVIA: OK WELL IDK MUCH bout her. ummmm i talked to her a little im ttrying to become her ally but its not really workign she wont talk to meee!! RANDY: omg i have not heard good things about him.... i shouldve been told these things sooner omg! i feel like he hates me he might! we live in the same city and live like 15 mins away! omg rip rip rip . he goes to my old highdchool! thats crazy af! im working wiht him rn but i i think im going to nom him in the middle of the game or try to get him out around then. sorry randy! also hes been giving me the cold shoulder and not talkin to me which is rude. adnwe r in an alliance chat bro. come on really... RICKY: TBh u annoy me. everything i like u say its dumb or u don't like it. i say goodmorning/afternoon to u adn u say its morning its not even close to afternoon whatre u doing. AND IM LIKE WTF HAV U NEVER HEARD OF TIMEZONES! LIKE HELLLLLO! damn just we are not compatible people and well if i ever win HOH ill prob nom him. ROXY: DAMN BITCH I CAUGHT U IN A LIE AND U DONT KNOW ABOUT IT! THIS IS THE REAOSN IM VOTIN TO EVICT U IM SORRY OMG IM GOIN TO MISS TALKIN TO U ABOUT FOOD! ur sooo sweet omg and u hav a lovely voice! SAMMY: I have been told not to trust him bc he is a snake. But shit he is one of my closest allies now! like we talked for hours on call and watched survivor it was such a cute little date! GOD i hope he doesnt betray me ill cry so much! i mean he might but like i dont wanna back stab him.... yet <3 SAXON: who r u?? talked like never. ur probably nice?? ZEEZO: Girl u be freakin lynn out with eveyrhting u saying to and about her! soo idk like aht to do wiht u ahahah prob get u nominated?? SORRY IM A LOSER AND DIDNT MAKE A VID I LOOK LIKE A THUMB ATM <3

what bitch Randy, 3:05 PM hola 3:05 PM you never sent me a pm Randy, 3:05 PM ur coll bc you aint never talk about interesting shit 3:05 PM uh huh Randy, 3:05 PM tf am i supposed to reply to "yea" 3:06 PM sorry I'm not your source of entertainment you twink I was busy with my life Randy, 3:06 PM wow this is something we can TALK ABOUT Randy, 3:06 PM what did you do I kinda snapped sorry Randy

Are u gonnaget ur tattoo coloured? :0 or will it be lines? Rn im hungry waiting for ma burger heh 9:21 PM It’s just lines henny 👑, 9:23 PM Sweet! What inspires the one u chose? 👑, 6:35 AM Hey saxon! I wanted to wait to speak to you in person but im tired and sorta not feeling well so i cant stay up. I wouls love it id you vote me to stay!! I really enjoy this game and im a p loyal ally! Im active and have jackbox too xd. Ill try be up at least 2 hours bfr eviction if you wanna chat about the vote! 👑, 3:03 PM Morning 3:03 PM Hiya 👑, 3:03 PM Hows it going? 3:04 PM fine busy 👑, 3:04 PM Ripp with what m? 3:05 PM a 5 page paper 👑, 3:06 PM Ew Wtf 3:06 PM ye 👑, 3:06 PM Just quit school. Death sound sbetter than that Hshsbs 3:10 PM i omg 👑, 3:11 PM Lmfao Man now my eviction worries seem meaningless 3:14 PM Why is that? 👑, 3:15 PM :o cause your   5 page thing is gross :o have you started on it or still got a ways to go? 3:20 PM I still got a ways to go 👑, 3:20 PM yikes 👑, 3:20 PM how are you feeling about this week? like hame wise Roxy I think you're a lovely person but holy fuck can you just please shut up sometimes when you know someone is busy

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

CLICK HERE TO SEE PT 1 OF BRYCE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

CLICK HERE TO SEE PT 2 OF BRYCE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

I'd say it was an effective campaign xoxo Summer Shrek

CAST ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE WEEK 1 CAST ASSESSMENT!

[themoneybuff-blog]

Case study: Starting with less than zero

I am not a trained financial expert. Im not an accountant, Im not a financial planner, and Im not a stock broker. Whats more, Ive made many many money mistakes on my own financial journey. As a result, Ive always been reluctant to sit down with people and go over their budgets. That seems to be changing. In March, I spent a couple of hours talking with a friend about her financial situation. A few days ago, another friend asked if Id be willing to meet with him in the near future to puzzle through his budget woes. And yesterday, I took three hours to chat about money with my friends Wally and Jodie. As always, Ive changed names and certain identifying features in the story that follows. Unless I have explicit permission to share details, I do my best to protect peoples privacy when I write about their intimate financial lives. Wally and Jodie have recently begun dating. Hes in his early forties (and recently divorced); shes in her late twenties. They both work in food service, and have done so all of their lives. Their trouble and the reason they asked me for help is that they cannot seem to make ends meet. They work hard but never have anything to show for it. In fact, they feel like theyre falling further and further behind. Can you help us? Wally and Jodie asked. I can try, I said. Lets look at your numbers. An Income Problem To start, I said, lets look at how much youre bringing in. Thats part of the problem, Jodie said. We dont have a fixed income. Because most of our money comes from tips, we cant predict how much were going to make from one month to the next. Right, said Wally. And it doesnt help that our hours are irregular. We both work at several different restaurants. Some pay better than others. Plus, there are days when you wont have any customers. When that happens, youre sent home early with nothing to show for it. Well, how much would you say you make on average? I asked. Wally and Jodie made some calculations. I make maybe $1400 per month, Wally said. On a good month, Ill make $1700. And Jodie makes another $1500. These numbers are after taxes. Jodie nodded. But we each just picked up a shift at a new restaurant. That should give us each maybe $500 extra each month. Thats great, I said, jotting down numbers in my notebook. But I dont like looking at potential numbers. I learned the hard way that when you budget based on future raises, bonuses, or other expected sources of income, you can get into real trouble. Obviously, you hope that extra money comes through, and when it does, you can apply it to your budget. Until then, though, its best to ignore it. I thought for a moment. My first impression before we even look at your spending is that youre not making enough money. Youre making less than $3000 per month combined. We should brainstorm some ways you can earn more. Starting with Less than Zero I turned a page in my notebook. Now, lets talk about how much youre spending. Thats the problem, Jodie said. We spend exactly what we bring in, no matter how much we bring in. That means theres never enough to catch up on our debts some of which were behind on. What are your biggest expenses? I asked. Well, our apartment costs $900 per month but itll go up to $950 pretty soon, Wally said. Not bad, I said. Thats actually a great price for Portland. And its a reasonable amount based on your income. I explained how the average American household spends one-third of its income on housing; I advocate aiming for 25% or less. Food costs money, Jodie said. We budget about $100 per week for groceries, but thats just bare bones stuff, you know? I have a car payment, Wally said. In fact, thats one of our biggest problems. I took out the loan when I was married. My ex-wife and I are both on the loan. It seemed reasonable at the time. Now, though, its a pain in the ass. I owe $12,500 on the car and payments are $300 per month. To make matters worse, Im already a couple of months late on my payments. This is causing me a ton of stress. It makes Jodie stressed, it makes my ex-wife stressed, and it makes me stressed. Hm, I said. I dont have any experience with getting behind on payments. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, for sure, but I was lucky. I never had an accident or got sick, so I was always able to make payments on time. I dont know that I have any good advice for you about this problem, but maybe some of my readers at Get Rich Slowly could help. Wally nodded. Honestly, thats one of our biggest frustrations with the money advice weve found, said Jodie. All of it assumes that youre starting from zero. Or more than zero. What if youre starting with less than zero? What if youre deep in debt we have $35,000 in debt, just like you used to and what if youre behind on your payments? What then? All of the advice we read seems to be written by rich people for rich people. Yeah, I can see how that would be frustrating, I said. Like I said, I dont have experience starting at less than zero. I started at zero. I was deep in debt, but once I stopped spending, I already had a gap between my income and spending, so I could immediately start paying down debt. You two have some catching up to do. We need to figure out how you can play catch-up. A Mountain of Debt As we worked through their budget, I was mostly impressed. While Wally and Jodie arent bringing in a lot of money, theyre not spending a lot of money either. As with most budgets, they did have some discretionary items that could be cut, but not a ton of them. (Their biggest discretionary expense seems to be local travel. Theyre spending a couple of hundred dollars each month to visit family and/or have fun with friends.) My biggest concern was their debt. Between the two of them, they have $35,000 in debt: $12,500 for Wallys car, on which hes upside-down. (I wish I could just sell it and wipe out the debt, Wally said. But Id still owe about $3000 if we sold it.)$12,500 for Jodies student loans.$10,000 of miscellaneous debts, such as $500 they just spent to buy new tires after getting stranded because of a flat. To complicate matters, Wally and Jodie are going through several large life transitions right now. Wally is fresh from his divorce, they just moved in together, theyre both trying to find permanent full-time jobs, and theyre thinking about moving to a cheaper place to live. So, thats our situation, Jodie said. For good or ill, thats what we have. Where do we start? How do we get out of this mess? Well, I said, the good news is that I think youre both capable of working together to build a brighter future. The bad news is that its going to take some time. Its also going to require some sacrifices or what seem like sacrifices. If you want to fix this, youll have to do some stuff that sucks in the short term. But I want you to remember: Most of these sacrifices are temporary. Theyre only until you manage to get rid of the debt. I read what you wrote about growing up poor and having a scarcity mindset, Wally said. I totally relate. My family was poor too. Any time my parents got money, they spent it. They felt like they deserved to treat themselves because theyd gone without for so long. And looking at my own life, I see that I do that too. Thats a tough trap, I said. I totally relate. And I know first-hand how when youre poor, you feel like any windfall should be spent on fun. But if you want long-term happiness and financial stability, you have to decide that for a year or two youre not going to give in to that temptation. When you get a bonus or a raise or a big tip from a table at work, youll put that money toward your financial goals, not toward a nice dinner out. Once you get rid of the debt, you can have all sorts of nice dinners out. But until then, you have to agree to make a game of living on less. Growing the Gap I want you to focus on two things, I said. The first thing is the gap between your earning and spending. Right now, you dont have a gap. Youre spending exactly what you earn. Its impossible to save for the future or to catch up on your debt if you dont make more than you earn. So, to start, you two need to do whatever you can to increase this gap. I turned back to my notes on their budget. You should trim your budget in whatever way you can. You dont have a lot to trim, but if theres anything you can cut, cut it. I know family is important to you, but maybe you can explain what that youre trying to get out of debt and need to take some time off from the visits. Or maybe make the visits shorter a weekend instead of a week. And remember: Youre not cutting these things forever. Youre only cutting them until you get rid of your debt. Wally and Jodie nodded. Because you dont have a lot to cut from your budget, I continued, I think the best way for you to increase your gap is to find ways to earn more money. Right now, youre both working at two or three or four different restaurants. You only have a few hours per week at each place. None of the restaurants are that nice, so you dont make great tips. Honestly, I think this is where you should focus most of your attention. Wally sighed. Weve talked about that, he said. Wed love to earn more, but nothing ever seems to work out. One place says its going to give us more hours, but it never does. Jodie will pick up a shift a nice restaurant across town, but then its a logistical problem to get there. I get frustrated by how much time is involved with all of this. Thats a good point, I said, and I dont have a good solution. Actually, you know what Id do if I were you? Youre both great servers. You do good work. Your bosses like you, and so do your customers. If I were you, I wouldnt be looking for work at diners and cafes. In your spare time which I know isnt much you should be applying for work at upscale places. When you work at a nicer place, you dont do any more work, but you make a lot more money. Plus, you have the advantage of interacting with a different sort of clientele. If you build relationships with some of them, who knows where that could lead? When I was in college, I made money by waiting tables. I received several job offers from regular customers who were impressed by my work ethic. I suspect that if Wally and Jodie were in the right environment, theyd experience the same kind of thing. Another option is to pick up a few hours work doing something completely different, I suggested. Maybe Jodie could work in a womens clothing store. Maybe Wally could do yardwork or handyman stuff. I think we get where youre going with this, Jodie said. We need to increase the gap between our earning and spending. Because we dont spend a lot, the best way to do this is to earn more moneysomehow. Yep, I said. Thats the gist of it. Thats the first thing I think you should focus on. Taking Baby Steps The second thing you should tackle is your debt. I know you both have things you want to save for long term, but I want you to put those dreams on hold for now. You cant save for your future until you pay off your past. My dad tells me I should save first before tackling the debt, Jodie said. He says I should build six months of savings before anything else. What do you think? I disagree, I said. I think saving six months worth of expenses is a fine goal, and thats absolutely what you should aim for. But thats not where you should start. As you increase your gap between earning and spending because remember everything depends on this gap I think you should apply your money according to the Dave Ramsey plan. Here, Ill explain. I made a modified list of Dave Ramseys baby steps: Build a basic emergency fund of roughly $1000 (while continuing to make minimum payments on debt). My advice is to keep this fund in a brand-new bank account that isnt connected in any way to your other accounts, I said. You want to make this easy enough to access when you need it, but not so easy that you can just access the money on a whim.Pay off all debt using some version of the debt snowball method. When I was struggling, I couldnt figure out how to get out of debt, I said. Dave Ramseys version of the debt snowball helped me. In your case, Id use a slightly different version. Wallys car seems to be a huge psychological weight. You two need to prioritize that. After youve saved your emergency fund, throw as much money as you can at debt with everything extra you can find going to that car.Save an enhanced emergency fund equal to six months of normal expenses. After youre out of debt, beef up your savings. I know youll want to start saving for other goals right away, but dont. Take time to add some margin to your life. Youll be glad you did.Pursue long-term financial goals, such as traveling, moving to Idaho, or buying a motorcycle. You know whats awesome? I said. After youve taken time to pay off what you owe using the debt snowball, then you can immediately start building a wealth snowball. If youre paying $500 toward debt each month, then once that debt is gone you can immediately start saving $500 per month! That all sounds great, said Wally, but to be honest, J.D., in some ways your advice is just like the other advice. What do you mean? I asked. Well, its assuming that were starting from zero. But were not. Were starting with less than zero. I have an idea, said Jodie. What if we added a step zero to the baby steps? We could call it putting out the fires. Before we save the basic emergency fund, we could throw every dollar toward catching up on the car payments. I think thats fantastic, I said. In fact, I think thats really smart. If you can take some quick steps toward increasing your gap between earning and spending, then you should be able to get caught up on the car within a few months if nothing goes awry. Then you can pursue the plan Ive laid out. Wally nodded. I think that makes sense, he said. Final Thoughts After three hours on the back deck, I sent Wally and Jodie home with a handful of money books. I could tell their minds were bubbling with new ideas. (Is gas for the car a Want or a Need? Wally texted me yesterday afternoon. I love it!) I know that Wally feels frustrated. He hates being over forty yet feeling like hes in the same place he was when he was twenty. I get it. But heres the thing: He has to adopt a beginners mind. Start where you are, I wrote in January. Dont fret about the past or how other people are doing. Wally needs to accept that his situation is what it is and work to improve from that point. Knowing what I know about these two, I really do believe theyre capable of starting where they are starting with less than zero and destroying their debt in a relatively short period of time. It took me 37 months to get out of debt. (I started on 21 October 2004 and finished on 03 December 2007. Thats a total of 1139 days to pay off $35,196 in debt.) Progress was slow at first, but accelerated rapidly toward the end of that period. Wally and Jodie have exactly the same amount of debt as I did when I decided to become CFO of my own life. My challenge for them is this: Get out of debt quicker than I did. Do it in less than 1139 days. If we count yesterday as Day One, then 29 September 2021 would be day 1138. Wally and Jodie, my hope for you is that together you can be debt free by that date or sooner. What advice do you have for Wally and Jodie? What can they do to improve their financial situation? Did you start your financial journey with less than zero? Have you ever fallen behind on payments? If so, how did you handle it? How did you caught up? https://www.getrichslowly.org/less-than-zero/