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ssentimentals · 7 months

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next to you {jeon wonwoo}

pairing: wonwoo x gn!reader

prompt: 'i won't give up on you' (this work is part of my 1k event, go check out other works of mine here)

warnings: none, this is pure fluff!

steady. this is what wonwoo appreciates the most about you. waves can come crushing, thunder can roll over with a shout, but your resilience doesn't waver even for a second. wonwoo appreciates consistency (something that not a lot of people can manage) in your actions and behaviours; you amaze him in that way. when you two were introduced to each other, from the very day one you appeared to be kind and respectful and after two years nothing changed. you were constantly good and it took him embarrassing amount of time to realize that his awe with you has a romantic undertone. that your constant occupation of his thoughts was not due to you two being good friends. that his desire for your steady presence went beyond what one feels for another in platonic relationships. you were good and you were steady and jeon wonwoo selfishly wanted it all for himself.

he often wondered if you ever felt heavy. caring so much for people around you, having to be the rock for them to lean on, always being responsible for everything and everyone. he often wondered if you find all these things to be burdensome, if you ever just want to let go and give away those responsibilities. do you really want it? he wants to ask when you volunteer to be a leader. do you need help? he wants to ask when you brush off someone else's worries about you. do you feel lonely? he wants to ask when you stay up late all on your own. wonwoo goes tongue-tied and instead of asking those questions, he settles for quietly being next to you. he may not offer the right words, but he can take care of you in his own ways; little ways, yes, but no less meaningful.

'woo?' you look up in surprise, when his figure casts a shadow on your table. 'what are you doing here?' taking a look over your shoulder at the clock on the wall, you glance back at him with a frown. 'it's one am.'

'i can ask you the same thing. it is one am, what are you doing in the library?'

he smiles at the way you stare at him indignantly. 'i need to finish our group project, deadline for submission is tomorrow morning.'

of course you are the one finishing this project. of course you are the one who's sitting in the library at one am, fixing presentation, going over slides, checking everything. wonwoo is part of your group and he takes small relief in the fact that his part is polished and you won't spend much time on it. 'and i brought sandwiches,' wonwoo puts his backpack on the chair and pulls out few wrapped chicken sandwiches from there. they're still warm and he smiles happily, putting two right in front of you. 'fuel for brains, so you'd finish this up faster.'

smile that you send his way leaves him in ruins. 'thank you, woo.'

wonwoo nods. he gives you an excuse that he'll go and bring you two tea but in reality he needs a breather, because you don't control the force of your smiles and you have no idea what they do to him. he massages lightly left side of his chest where heart is supposed to be and sighs, settling for two cups of green tea in cafeteria. he wishes... for a lot, actually, but at most he just wants to be next to you. he assigned to himself this role of your friend, because even the rock on who everybody leans on will someday need to lean on someone else. wonwoo lives in futile hopes that maybe he'll be there at that moment. maybe you'll see something else in him, something apart from just a fellow classmate or a good friend. maybe you'll look at him in that moment and will see all of his devotion and his readiness to just..stay here and not leave. stay right next to you.

'your tea is ready.'

he takes steaming cups and carefully makes his way back to the library. wonwoo sometimes thinks that you know. that you are aware of his feelings towards you and just pretend not to notice so it won't complicate your friendship. sometimes he thinks that maybe you don't know for sure but that you have an inkling, a guess. option in which you have no idea about his feelings is not on the table, because you are very attentive and his special treatment for you could not have escaped your gaze. he doesn't really know nor understand reasons for your silence regarding his feelings, but he doesn't question them. what you two have now is good and steady and it's almost enough. something tells him that this situation will resolve itself without his direct involvement and he follows his inner voice, not confessing.

wonwoo looks up from the stairs and notices you standing at the entrance to the library, waving to him with a smile on your face. you look tired and bags under your eyes grow more and more prominent with each passing day, but he still finds it hard to look away from you, still can stare at you all day and night and find it incredibly entertaining. 'figured you'd need help with the door,' you say lightly, gesturing to his occupied hands. holding door open for him, you take a peak at the cups, smiling: 'green tea? you're saviour, woo.'

your words settle against him like a warm blanket, like a much needed hug. there's no one in the library apart from you two but you both still keep quiet, voices hushed and low by a habit. 'is there a lot left? in presentation, i mean.'

'not much, around 5-6 slides,' you help him by taking one cup from his hands. 'why are you here, woo? i don't think you came at this hour to the library to give me sandwiches.'

but i did though. wonwoo first thinks he'll judge dodge the question but his sleep deprived mind refuses to come up with anything, so instead he lets out a rather provocative: 'is it really that hard to believe that i came exactly for that?'

he knows it's a wrong thing to say the second words leave his mouth. you don't meet his eyes and everything in your posture screams tension. it's too late to take the words back, so wonwoo lives few horrible seconds with knowledge of his own fuck up. you're not helping the situation by staying silent, so he blurts out the truth: 'i just want to help.'

at this you look up, raising your right eyebrow. 'help with presentation?'

'no,' he answers honestly because apparently his brain has a trouble with letting him say anything but the truth. 'although if you need help with that then of course i'll help.'

you lean back, staring at him with a quiet challenge in your eyes. there's determination set deep in your features and he loves you for it, for your ability to push forward even when you're uncomfortable, for your constant need to get to the bottom of something. 'if you're here to not help with presentation then with what?'

you know the answer just like he knows the answer. you're almost daring him to say it, challenging him and wonwoo usually never raises to the bait, but this doesn't feel like one, not really. he mostly feels like this is some kind of test only you know the meaning of and he has to pass it. 'to help you,' he says, looking straight into your eyes. 'someone has to.'

words hit too close to home, it's obvious by the way your jaw locks and how you bite your bottom lip. your eyes water and your voice cracks in the end as you ask: 'and you think i need help? do i look like someone who needs help?'

venom in your voice doesn't deter him. wonwoo knows you too well, he learned to circle those high walls you built, he managed to climb on top of them all during these two years and he knows your defensive mechanisms as back of his hand. 'everyone needs help,' he says, staying elusive but answering your question at the same time. 'and everyone needs someone to take care of them. including you.'

you're barely holding your tears back, he can tell. he wishes you wouldn't. he wishes you'd cry freely in front of him, wishes you'd find his presence comforting enough to let go. 'asking for help and leaning on someone does not make you weak,' he continues in a hushed whisper that pierces your heart like an arrow. 'knowing your limits is a sign of maturity. you can't do everything on your own, that's stupid and reckless. and you're neither of these things.'

this gains him a small smile from you and a watery laugh. few tears escape your eyes and you quickly wipe them off without turning away. small victories, he guesses. 'that was a nice ted talk,' you mumble, taking a deep breath to calm down. your eyes are full with unshed tears when you look back at him again. 'and? is that you saying that you are the one who will help me and take care of me?'

wonwoo licks his lips. 'i like to think that this is what i've been doing for the past year at least.'

you lock your arms over your chest, shutting off from him. 'as a friend. with no ulterior motives, i hope.'

'you know that there were none.' wonwoo holds his voice steady even if he is offended by your words. he knows you don't mean them that way, knows it's just another test. 'don't insult me like that.'

your expression crumbles and you hide your face behind your hands in a loose attempt of not showing him your tears. your shoulders shake a little but you quickly regain control of yourself back, sniffling. 'i'm sorry,' you say and then repeat again, clearing your voice: 'i'm sorry, you are right, i know that there were none. i don't know why i said that, i'm sorry. it's just-' you take a deep breath, curling into a little ball on the chair. '-i think you don't..know me? like you know one version of me and you think so highly of me and in truth i..' you look over your laptop and then back at wonwoo. 'i hate it all. i hate being a leader, and i hate having to finish all these stupid presentations and-'

you fall silent and wonwoo lets silence linger in the air between you two, not saying anything too. he's not surprised at all, because he knew all of it. he just hopes you feel better saying it all out loud. 'tea is getting cold,' he says quietly after a while.

you blink out of your thoughts at his worsd and huff, remembering about your cup. maybe it's the wrong move to say something right now, but wonwoo fears there might never been another night like this, so he goes for it: 'i don't think anything less of you. you can say a lot of things like that and they don't make you a monster that you're really trying to make me see in you. i won't give up on you. even if you decide to tell everyone to fuck off and ask someone else to lead, even if you decide it's time for you to turn into a hermit. i'll stay right next to you anyway. because you are a good person. core of you, base of you is good. your heart is pure gold and i'll stand by it no matter what.'

that's my confession, he thinks, staring at your wide eyes. my love confession to you. and he knows you understand. he knows from your wide opened eyes that you know it was a love confession. all you can do is accept or reject it and he is fine with both options, truly. as long as he can stand next to you, like a friend or like a lover, he is fine with it all.

'i never- i had a feeling, but i never entertained the thought that it actually might be true...' you whisper, cicling edge of the cup with your finger. 'you always took care of me.'

'i did.' wonwoo agrees, because it is true.

'and you will take care of me in the future even if i decide to just stay friends.'

it was not a question but wonwoo still answers: 'i will.'

your smile is an eighth wonder of this world. it can stop the rain and can make flowers bloom in wonwoo's heart. you lean in with a decision taken: 'then please, stand next to me, just like you said. not as a friend, but...' you reach out with an open palm towards him. 'as a lover.'

wonwoo has never made a decision faster in his life. your hand feels soft and nice and right in his. he doesn't have to say anything, everything can be understood from the way he looks at you. by your reddening cheeks he can tell that you also got everything. 'let's eat those sandwiches and i'll need fifteen minutes more for this presentation. then we'll go back to the dorms, okay?'

wonwoo simply nods, interlacing your fingers together. as you squeeze his fingers back with an reassuring smile, he thinks that he'll be okay with anything you ask. 'okay,' he still voices out, smiling. okay.

a/n: i'm unexplainably in love with this work. is it weird to say stuff like that about something you wrote? anyways, this is very self indulgent but i hope you liked it too. <3 - nini

tagging @prpldahy and @wonvsmile as it was your request <3