#honestly my true motivation to release this now is because i have to work on a written statement and my mind could not focus on that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

canariie · 2 years

Text

i just called to say

Rating: K+

Synopsis: “Momo-chan—what’s wrong? Should I come in?”

“I’m fine,” her voice cracked and Momo winced at how pitiful she sounded. The door tentatively opened as Orihime peeked her head in, her warm amber eyes immediately softening when she saw the lieutenant in the tub.

“I’m sorry to be crying like this,” Momo said as she wiped her tears. She had promised herself she wouldn’t cry in front of people after the Winter War, but some habits were harder to kick.

Orihime smiled understandingly as she knelt down and held out a small towel. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Momo-chan.”

…

Momo arrives in the World of the Living to start her personal kido training sessions and spends the night at Orihime’s apartment.

Word Count: 5460 words

Setting: during the time skip, before the epilogue of Bleach (probably 3 years after the last chapter)

Prompt: @hitsuhina-week‘s Hitsuhina Week 2022 - Day 4 - Things Left Unsaid

Authour’s Note: THIS IS SO LATE I KNOW ;-;

I honestly didn’t know that this would grow so much! This is my longest fic on tumblr to date!!!

I struggled a lot with figuring out what to write for the celebration week, I think this was my fourth attempt at something? But the more I reflected on writing Orihime in this, I found myself saying to myself, oh this needs to be fleshed out longer, i have to include this as well. Until it evolved into this long, short novella for you all.

For the most part this is Momo and Orihime, but there are conversations on Ichihime (and this is obviously, or maybe not so obvious, Hitsuhina) so proceed as you will haha.

This was inspired by many many things:

- @rays-of-fire-and-ice‘s fic In Time’s of Peace

- @whipplefilter ‘s fic Donki

Shout out to Harry Style’s Late Night Talking and Steve Wonder’s I Just Called to Say I Love You for being the inspiration around intimate phone calls.

Enjoy!

—

"lnoue-san, I'm so sorry I'm late! My meeting went over, and I had to wait to be approved for a new departure time, which took longer because the Senkaimon wasn’t prepared in time," Momo rambled, panting in between breaths.

It was late into the summer night and Momo had just arrived from Soul Society into the World of the Living. It was the first time on her own without a predetermined mission, and she wanted to make the most of it. Hirako-taicho had given her a week off to train with Haachi of the Vizards so she could develop her kido skills. It was something they both had wanted for a long time, and the fifth division was finally in a place where Momo could take the time off to work on her own personal goals.

However, her first steps weren’t as smooth as she couldn’t get her location to work on her denreishinki correctly— it would throw her two streets over and its north arrow wasn’t calibrated correctly (though the twelfth division had assured her it was the newest prototype with the latest updates) leaving her clueless in the dark of how to find Orihime Inoue’s apartment. By the time she had picked up her gigai, got lost around the neighborhood, circled around twice, and walked up the steps to the apartment, Momo was flustered and sweaty with her clothes sticking to herself.

"No worries, Hinamori-chan!" Inoue chirped, gently grabbing her bags from her hand and leading her into the kitchen. "I just got back from work and was setting up the extra futon!"

"Thank you, lnoue-san," Momo said with a defeated sigh. Just looking at the girl in her oversized shirt and baggy pants, instantly put her racing mind to ease. Though they hadn’t met before, Hirako-taicho had told her that the human girl was more than happy to host Momo since she herself was continuing her own healing training with the former Kido corps leader.

"Also!” The human girl beamed, “Please call me Orihime!"

Momo smiled. "Then, please call me Momo."

Though the apartment was small, there was a charm of youth that the lieutenant didn’t realize she missed from being in the barracks. Little stationary pens and washi tape (which Momo made a note to ask Orihime where she bought them for later) along with a pile of worn old schoolbooks stacked on the desk. A small bookshelf hosted stuffed animals and novels with an old pink CD player perched on top. Below the hanging fabric print, Momo noticed a small family altar with a picture of a handsome dark haired young man.

Though she could see Orihime all around her, there was also a sense of a new presence: a dark blue coffee mug next to a pale pink teacup; military green flip flops by the entrance next to soft white bunny slippers; a black hoodie with a ‘15’ emblem hanging by the closet door. Someone had squeezed themselves into the space and the apartment had accommodated itself for one more.

It was cozy and intimate, and filled Momo with a longing for peace. Things had been hectic in Soul Society, from her training new recruits to also part timing at the Academy—she was excited to be involved in so much and could feel herself growing. But after a long day of prepping her subordinates before she left and emergency meetings, she felt that she barely had the time to breathe, let alone sit down to herself.

"Would you like me to warm up the bath?"

At the thought of immersing herself in warm water, Momo could feel her shoulders instantly deflate.

"That sounds wonderful," Momo sighed.

“It’s a bit small,” the human girl warned with a sheepish smile, “but feel free to use as much bubble bath mixture as you would like!”

“I’m sure it’s alright, Orihime-chan! I really appreciate it,” Momo said with a smile, feeling a strong desire to comfort her.

As Orihime went to set up the bath, Momo opened her bags in the living room and finally got a chance to look at her denreishinki. There was a short message from Hirako-taicho asking her to message him when she reached and say hi to Hiyori (if she were in a good mood). Rangiku has also texted her asking her to give her love to Orihime and bring back some face masks from the Human World. Toushiro had texted her early in the morning before she had started that day to call him when she arrived, but in all her hurry she hadn’t paid it too much attention. She had sent him a quick text message when she stepped foot in the World of Living, to which he replied with a short “ok” – he was never the greatest at texting, but she had assumed he was busy.

Once Orihime led her to the bathroom, it didn’t take Momo long to shed off her sticky clothes and eagerly step into the steaming water. She sighed in content as she could feel her muscles loosening. It had been such a long time that she had taken a bath, she could hardly remember. There was something so feminine and relaxing about the concept that allowed herself to unwind. During the work week, she only had time for quick showers and washes— so sitting in a bathtub with bubbles felt like an unprecedented luxury. Momo settled herself in further, the water reaching the ends of her ears.

“Is the water alright?” Momo could hear Orihime say through the closed door.

“Yes, it is!” she affirmed as she blew a froth of bubbles away from her knees. Momo giggled to herself as some landed on her nose.

“I’m glad! You should try the apricot scrub! It’s the best exfoliator after a long day. By the time I come home from working in the bakery, I’m covered in flour and sugar and that’s the only thing that can take it all off.” Orihime laughed and Momo hummed in agreement, wondering absentmindedly if it was a human tradition to have a conversation through the bathroom door.

It was quiet for a moment and all Momo could hear was the sound of cicadas chirping outside. The slosh of water echoed across the bathroom walls. Everything was much quieter this time of night, like the whole world had paused to take a breath. As she leaned against the rim of the tub, Momo could almost feel herself drifting to sleep.

“You know Momo-chan,” Orihime called out. A long pause stretched out. “I saw Toushiro-kun after he spoke to you.”

Her eyes snapped open as the image of her childhood friend flashed before her eyes.

“When was that?” Momo asked tentatively.

“It was right after we left Soul Society—and Rangiku-san and Toushiro-kun came to stay with me during their mission. I didn’t know much at the time—especially when they set up the TV creature. I’m still not sure how they were able to set it up by themselves—and especially how they fed it,” Orihime rambled on, and Momo felt herself piecing the memories together. A plea to the general captain. The bubble of anticipation in her stomach and the bated breath as she waited to talk to the tenth captain.

“I wasn’t sure if I should have been listening in, but the head captain called me into their meeting. It was one of the first times that I felt included in such important matters,” Orihime laughed quietly, and Momo felt herself leaning forward to hear more. “I left the two of them to update Kurosaki-kun and the others, but when I returned home… I could sense there was something off.”

Momo could feel her heart still and her breath hitched. She remembered that conversation well. Feelings of being on a precipice, so scared to look down that she could fail to see the anguish in her friend’s eyes. Looking back, she could remember the agitation in the way his eyebrow furrowed and his grimace as he muttered her name. As a vice-captain she felt ashamed that the situation escalated to the point that the General Captain had to intervene.

“What did he say?” she asked softly, her voice wavering.

If Orihime heard her anxiety, she didn’t notice and continued on. “He was really quiet and didn’t say much—he just went to the roof. But there was something in his eyes that looked…sad.”

Momo shuddered. Her dear friend had grown so strong through the ranks, but due to her naiveté, she had knocked him down and hurt him—something she would never forgive herself for.

A stab of hurt went through Momo and suddenly the water felt too hot, the steam too overpowering and her vision blurred. She sniffled and tried to keep her voice steady. “Was he okay?” she asked.

“Momo-chan—what’s wrong? Should I come in?”

“I’m sorry to be crying like this,” Momo said as she wiped her tears. She had promised herself she wouldn’t cry in front of people after the Winter War, but some habits were harder to kick.

Orihime smiled understandingly as she knelt down and held out a small towel. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Momo-chan.”

And they were no longer a shinigami and human; just two individuals who had seen harsher things at too young of a time.

“It’s my fault that he was so upset,” Momo confessed. “I was foolish and…disillusioned.”

Flashes of broken eyes. Ice missing the heart by an inch. Cold searing pain as she fell from the sky. A lamenting howl piercing the heavens before she faded into black.

She looked down at the ghost spot of her scar.

“I thought I held him back,” she weeped. “And I still do.” Her shoulders wracked in sobs as she cradled her face in her hands, embarrassed to be wallowing in self-pity but also to be seen like this by someone she just met.

“I’m sorry I brought it up, Momo-chan,” Orihime gently said, and Momo could feel a warm hand touch her shoulder. “Rangiku-san briefly explained to me what happened and ever since then…I had always wondered if Toushiro-kun was feeling that way, then you must have been really hurt as well.”

Momo looked up as Orihime smiled softly, melancholia hiding behind her eyes. Momo knew that look—she had seen it in herself before.

“You know…I also felt a similar way when the Arrancars had first attacked Karakura. Kurosaki-kun got badly hurt because of me. Rukia-chan and Abarai-kun had to come and cheer him up—which was more than I ever could do at the moment…”

Momo watched as Orihime picked absently picked at the fleece of the floor mat.

“I felt like I was…useless. They were able to support him more than I could, then. And though I had started training to become stronger for myself, it didn’t feel enough.” Orihime looked up, her amber eyes firm and resolute. “So, I went to Hueco Mundo—because that’s what I could do to protect them.”

Momo had remembered the moment and panic. She was sent back to the Fourth for further recovery when she had heard the former Ryoka girl had defected and willingly entered enemy territory. Word had spread around Soul Society of traitorous slander. They were only slowly warming up to the intruders when the scandal happened. At the time, Momo had only felt confusion but also had wondered if people had expected her to do the same—especially when she had arrived in the Fake Karakura Town.

Now looking at her, Momo realized that Orihime was just a girl who loved her friends so much that she would do anything—and everything—to protect them.

Orihime smiled proudly. “Now, I feel like I can fight alongside Kurosaki-kun. Because we’re stronger—together.” She gently took Momo’s hands in her own and squeezed it tight. “You’re already taking the first step by training with Haachi-san!” Orihime beamed. “You’re on your way to be stronger.”

Momo blushed, feeling overwhelmed by not only the warmth of the water but Orihime’s gentle smile. Though she had entered the apartment feeling exhausted and was now spent from crying, but inside there was a sense of lightness that came with a deep revelation.

“Thank you, Orihime-chan,” Momo smiled whole heartedly. “And even though I don’t know Kurosaki-kun as much, from the few times I’ve seen him, he always seems happier when he’s with you.”

The human girl’s cheeks reddened, shaking her head side to side in denial that Momo couldn’t help but think was cute. Thinking that it was time to finish up, Momo reached for the soft pink towel, but stopped in realization.

"I'm so sorry Orihime-chan but I forgot my sleeping robes," Momo apologized, feeling bad for imposing.

"No worries at all!” Orihime chirped as she got up. “The amount of times I've forgotten things while traveling—I always end up borrowing from Tatsuki-chan. I actually have an extra shirt from when Rangiku-san and Toushiro-kun was here!" Momo could hear the rustling of robes and opening of drawers. The door suddenly opened big enough for an arm to stick themselves in, "This was Toushiro-kun’s! I think it might fit you more than Rangiku-san's!"

Momo gently got out of the bathtub, making sure not to put too much weight down and slip, as she took the shirt in her hand. She let the dark black fabric run through her fingers, the silver chains clinging as they fell. Toushiro's shirt was a bit…unusual. It wasn't something she would expect him to wear.

She unwrapped the towel from herself and pulled the shirt over. The hem lifted right above her navel and the sleeves landed by her wrists. Momo brought up the collar to her nose and inhaled softly. Even though it was washed, she could still get the hint of a fresh mint scent that she had come to associate with Toushiro. Breathing it in, she relished the feeling of being at home.

When Momo had stepped out of the bathroom, towel in hand as she dried her hair, an array of pastries on the table greeted her. Orihime was pouring some tea next to two steaming bowls of udon, that reminded Momo of how hungry she was

“This looks amazing, Orihime-chan!” Momo exclaimed as she sat down. “Really?” Orihime’s eyes widened, as if she wasn’t used to the compliment. “I’m glad! This is not usually the food that I cook so I was a little hesitant to try.”

Momo moved closer to smell the food. “It certainly smells delicious,” she affirmed.

“Since I started dating Kurosaki-kun, I’ve had to learn to follow recipes strictly...” Orihime laughed hesitantly. “I usually like to wing it and add extra garnishes, but after one of our first dates at home, he had to go to the hospital from food poisoning,” she admitted sheepishly as she poured a cup of hot tea for Momo. “Ishida-kun and he sat me down and told me that I couldn’t cook like that for others anymore.

“But I still cook for myself my own recipes,” she mused unabashed. “The only one who’s liked it so far has been Rangiku-san.”

“Well, I can take some for Rangiku-san since she loves it so much,” Momo supplied in confidence.

Orihime’s amber eyes lit up. “Yes, of course! I’ll send her some cream cake with pickles!”

Momo laughed weakly, quite unsure of what to make of that but was more than happy to dig into the bow of udon in front of her.

The two talked casually about everything and nothing. Momo asked Orihime how long she had been working at the bakery (three years), what was her favourite bread (the custard bread on Tuesdays because that’s when they make it fresh—otherwise its melon bread). The human girl had also been taking extra shifts so she could earn enough savings to get an apartment on her own. While she was in highschool a distant relative had helped her with rent, but now that she’s graduated, she’s been trying to save up so she could have her own place and hopefully go back to school.

Orihime tucked her bands behind her ears, as she bent down to slurp a noodle. “I’ve been thinking about studying nursing for a while. Ever since the war and seeing everyone hurt—it made me realize that I wanted to do something more.” Momo could agree with the sentiment herself; it was another reason why she had thrown herself so much into the academy and training. She wanted to be someone that didn’t hold others back while helping others out.

“I’ve spoken to Ishida-kun about applying to nursing school and he agrees that it’d be a good translation of my healing powers,” Orihime said. “Kurosaki-kun has also been really supportive by touring schools with me on his weekends off. Sado-kun has offered to drive me to take the exam when he’s in town as well.” Orihime smiled fondly as she talked about her friends and it reminded Momo of when Rukia would come back from the human world and tell stories to them about meeting her friends.

Orihime’s eyes widened in realization. “Haachi-san actually gave me the idea! During one of our training sessions, he had mentioned how it was one of his human part time jobs—though it took a while for people to get used to his size since they would get scared,” she laughed making Momo wonder how big the kido trainer was.

“I think you would be an amazing nurse, Orihime-chan! Rangiku-san said you’ve healed Hitsugaya-kun faster than anyone in the Fourth,” Momo recalled.

“Speaking of, how long have you two known each other?” Orihime smiled gleefully, as if she were in on a secret.

“It’s nothing like that,” Momo defended, her cheeks going red. “We’re just childhood friends.” She had experienced this kind of inquiry from Rangiku, so she knew what to expect, but it didn’t stop the blush from reaching her face.

“Hm, I was hoping my women’s intuition was right,” Orihime muttered defeatedly. “But I do remember Toushiro-kun was popular during school,” she tapped her chin, looking up in contemplation as she munched on her melon bread. “A lot of girls were excited when he joined the kendo team briefly.”

“Really?” Momo asked, trying to keep her voice steady but feeling a slight tightness in her chest as she set her empty bowl down. She pulled her sleeve down her arm, fingering the fabric. “Well, that’s Hitsugaya-kun for you—he picks up everything so quickly.”

“He’s really an incredible leader,” Orihime affirmed. “Everyone always listened to him diligently during battles.”

“He truly is,” Momo smiled wistfully. “And not only that, but he’s also incredibly kind. He may not look like it, but he’ll go out of his way to make sure people are supported or recognized for their work.” She remembered the days when they had group training sessions, and all the seated and unseated division officers would gaze at him in wonder as he led them. Momo knew that her friend had to fight to gain respect when he obtained the captain seat prematurely. But she always felt a swell of pride inside when she heard people praising him for his leadership. “I think he’ll do amazing things wherever he goes.”

She looked up and caught Orihime smiling at her endearingly, making Momo blush. “But enough about me,” she said. “When did you and Kurosaki-kun get together?”

Orihime smiled softly. “After Rukia-chan & Abarai-kun’s wedding, he asked me to make some time for him. I didn’t really know what to expect and was even more surprised when asked if he could see me more—just the two of us.” Orihime blushed furiously, pushing the tips of her fingers together. “And since then, we’ve been taking it slow…”

Momo remembered the wedding in bits and pieces. It was a joyful occasion since it had been a long time in Soul Society that there was a large celebration. She had cried seeing Renjii and Rukia look at each other as they exchanged their vows and was an emotional mess as she drank the celebratory shots. But the excitement and high emotions had gotten to her so all she could remember was a pounding headache, blurred conversations and a late night walk home on something warm and strong.

Even though they had just met, Momo could feel there was an ease of openness between her and Orihime. She was witness to all the stories that the human teenagers had gone through in helping fight wars that weren’t theirs, so it made Momo immensely happy to see them moving on and creating happiness in their own lives.

“I’m really happy for you Orihime-chan,” Momo said wholeheartedly. “You deserve it.” She stood up, grabbing the empty bowl from Orihime and stacking it with her own dishes to take to the sink.

“I’ll take care of these dishes Momo-chan! You must be tired!”

“No, no, I can help you with those!” Momo protested. “You’re also tired from a long day of work.”

Orihime shook her head softly and smiled as she stood by the sink. “It won’t be hard at all! Kurosaki-kun and I have been calling each other every night, so I can do the dishes while I talk to him.”

“That’s so sweet,” Momo said. “It’s nice that you can make time for each other even with your busy schedules.”

Orihime blushed. “Kurosaki-kun is taking some summer classes to get ahead before the first year but since the college is far, we’ve been trying to talk on the phone often.”

“That must be so hard to be apart from each other since you two just started dating,” Momo sympathized.

“It is a bit difficult but we’re managing. Our phone calls have been really nice…” Orihime said softly, as she played with the fabric of her shirt. “I know Kurosaki-kun gets embarrassed around his family, but when it’s just the two of us on the phone he’s more comfortable. We’ve been able to be more honest with each other. Even if it’s important or trivial…it’s nice to just let some else know how you’re doing.”

The brown-haired girl smiled. “I’m sure it is.”

Momo helped put the dishes in the sink before going to the main room and getting ready for bed. Though she had been upset earlier, after talking to the human girl, Momo felt lighter inside. She knew there would always be some part of her that would hold the wounds of the Winter War close to her heart. But she was slowly coming to terms that it was okay to keep those pieces as long as they motivated you to move on. Momo smiled remembering the human girl’s resolute eyes and her advice. Orihime could heal people not just through her powers, but her warm words and kind presence.

She stepped closer towards the kitchen to go use the bathroom but stopped when she heard Orihime on the phone.

“Yes, Momo-chan arrived safely! We stayed up talking and she’s going to bed now.” Momo could see Orihime slightly blush and tuck her chin in and play with her hair as the girl listened to the other side. She put the wash cloth down “Have a good night Kurosaki-kun! I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” There was a slight pause and the girl turned slightly more red. “I love you too.” Momo smiled as she watched Orihime hold the phone close to herself, spinning from side to side before throwing the washcloth aside and leaning against the fridge with a squeal.

Momo gently closed the door to the kitchen and moved towards the living room window, careful not to make a sound as to not alert the amber-haired girl she was listening. It was such an intimate moment and it made Momo happy to know a more personal side of the famous substitute soul reaper. Though she hadn’t met him formally, from seeing the two of them interact she could tell that the boy was a special person to Orihime. Rangiku had once told her that people in love look more beautiful and she could truly attest to that.

Her thoughts swayed back to her childhood friend. Though Momo hadn’t seen Toushiro that day, he had messaged her to give him a call when she arrived.

I texted him when I arrived…but I want to also talk to him.

Before she knew it, Momo found herself pressing the call button and listening to the ringing tone. They hadn’t spoken to each other before on the phone, so she felt a little nervous. But she couldn’t contain her excitement also at the prospect of hearing his voice, especially at the thought of them having a conversation alone.

“Hello?”

“Hitsugaya-kun!” Momo yelped. She didn’t expect him to pick up so quickly.

“Why are you surprised? You’re the one that called me.” Even though she couldn’t see him, she could hear the slight eye roll in his tone. His voice sounded gruff, like he just woken up.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t realize you would pick up right away. Were you sleeping?”

“Not yet,” he admitted, and Momo instantly felt guilty. “But I told you to call me when you reached. I know your departure was delayed so you were traveling at night.”

At the thought of him waiting for her call, Momo could feel her heart beat a little faster—though she’d blame it on the summer heat.

She cleared her throat. “It was a late arrival, so I felt bad to keep Orihime-chan up. But she was so sweet, she cooked dinner for me, started a bath for me and stayed up until I was settled in.” She twirled a finger through her damp hair as she looked out at the crescent moon. “It’s really peaceful here.”

“Were you able to eat the food alright?” She could hear a bit of worry in his tone.

Momo laughed. “Orihime-chan explained to me that ever since she started dating Kurosaki-kun she’s had to limit herself to strict following recipes since he had to go to the hospital once.”

There was a low laugh over the phone. “I could imagine that. It seems like Matsumoto is the only that can stomach Inoue-san’s cooking.”

“But yes, it was delicious! I hadn’t eaten someone else’s cooking in a while, so it made me feel really warm inside,” Momo confessed. “I’m really excited to get to know Orihime-chan more.”

“Are you excited to start your training tomorrow?”

Momo nodded her head vigorously. “Yes! Orihime told me she’s trained with Hachi-san before and that it was really helpful! Hirako-taicho already prepped me a bit about what to expect, but I still feel a little nervous because I’ll be focusing on high level kido—and I haven’t done that in a long time.”

She could hear some noise over the phone that sounded like Toushiro was moving to sit up. “You shouldn’t be nervous. You’re more than ready.”

And she understood that—in principle. While at the academy, she loved reading the incantations and discussing with her professors of possible combinations. But it had been so long since the Quincy War and there hadn’t been a moment for her to push herself yet. Will she remember the incantations correctly? Should she have brought her books with her—

“Stop that.”

Momo paused. “Stop what?”

He scoffed. “I can hear all your overthinking over the phone.”

She spluttered quick protests to which he replied, “You’ll be fine, Hinamori. There is no one more capable than you.”

Momo said nothing as she traced the frame of the window with her finger, taking in his words. “You really think so?” she asked softly.

“I know so,” he responded immediately.

She instantly felt a wave of relief wash over her. Whatever little anxiety that was in the pit of her stomach dissipated like a breath of fresh air from the cool night. She always felt so relieved when Toushiro comforted her.

“Oh! Also Hitsugaya-kun—”

“Hitsugaya-taicho.”

“Hitsugaya-taicho,” Momo amended with a roll of her eyes. “I actually forgot in all my haste to pack sleeping clothes.” She laughed sheepishly. “Orihime-chan is in the midst of packing her apartment to move somewhere else but she actually had some of your clothes from when you and Rangiku-san stayed over…”

“And? She gave you Matsumoto’s clothes?” She could hear the slight confusion in his tone.

“Um, no…she gave me your old shirt,” Momo admitted softly.

There was a pause on the line, and she wondered if he had fallen asleep.

“You’re wearing my shirt?” Maybe it was the sleep, but Momo thought she could hear a slight waver in his voice.

“Yeah…” Momo blushed and look down at it. “It’s a bit short for me—when I lift my arms my whole midrift is exposed,” she laughed. “And it ends above my elbows. Also, I wouldn’t expect you to own something so...”, she fingered the hanging chain at the base of her collarbone, “…edgy.”

“Matsumoto had ordered those clothes—I didn’t pick them out.”

Momo giggled. “That makes sense—it wouldn’t have been the first thing I expected you to wear.”

“If it doesn’t fit you should wear something else,” he retorted.

“No, no! I love wearing it!” she defended quickly. “It reminds me of you…” It even smells like you, she thought but that felt too honest even for this late night of a call.

“…if you wanted something of mine, I could have given you something that fits.” Even though she could hear the sleep in his voice, she couldn’t stop the furious blush that appeared on her face.

Momo could feel herself becoming nervous and the need to diffuse whatever sparks were happening in between. Maybe it was the feeling of stepping out from a hot bath on a cool summer night. Or the solace of the white moon hanging above. But it seemed that both of them were revealing things usually left unsaid.

“It reminds me of how much you’ve grown. I kind of miss my short Shiro-chan,” Momo said playfully.

“Well, I’m no longer that short,” he said dryly. “Almost taller than you, now. You’ll have to get used to it.”

“You’re right,” she said softly.

It was quiet except for the low murmur of breathing on either side. Though no words were said, it felt comfortable. She could hear him turn around on his futon.

Momo thought back to Orihime calling Ichigo and how her smile was so bright. And though she couldn’t see Ichigo on the other side, she could imagine that he was just as happy to talk to them. She wondered how Toushiro felt on the other side of the phone.

“Is that all? I have to be up in a couple hours for morning training.”

“I’m so sorry Hitsugaya-kun!” She looked at the clock and instantly felt remorsefully for not considering the time-difference.

“Don’t worry about it, Hinamori. I wanted you to call.”

“I just called to say…”—how much I want to see you, how much I care —“…I’m excited to come back and tell you everything.”

He scoffed. “Don’t be excited to leave yet, Hinamori. Enjoy your training.”

Momo felt like her heart was hanging on a precipice at the thought of her next question. “Then…can I call you again while I’m here?”

A pause so long she felt like her heartbeat could be heard over the phone. Momo worried if she had stepped too far. This summer night had made her much bolder than before. She half expected him to scoff at her and remind her to focus on her own work. But there was hope that she wanted to continue these calls and tell him more.

“Of course you can.”

Momo beamed. “Wonderful! I’ll call you soon again! And don’t worry, I’ll make sure to call you earlier, so I don’t disturb your sleep.”

She could hear him chuckle on the other side. “Go get some sleep now, Hinamori.”

Even after putting the phone down, Momo couldn’t stop the smile from breaking out. She fell back on the futon, clutching the phone to her fast-beating heart.

There was something new about the phone call. She felt it and she had a feeling that somehow, Toushiro felt it too. A kind of intensity she wasn’t used to but was looking forward to in future conversations.

Momo wondered; how many things were left unsaid between them?

—

Authour’s Note: I really hope you enjoyed this!

I have always always loved the conversation between Rangiku and Orihime during the Advance Team Arc. I think it can get dismissed as fanservice, which I won’t deny, but I really loved the keen perception of Rangiku to sense Orihime’s insecurities and then give her big sisterly advice! I’m also such a fan of writing Momo with other female characters so I really wanted that sort of moment with her and Orihime (who I also believe is highly emotionally intelligent when it comes to other people’s emotions).

This is my first time writing Orihime so I was really nervous! (and also why it took so long to write this). but after watching clips of her and reading other orihime fan interpretations of her, i really found myself falling for her and her beautiful emotional strength. I also really wanted to showcase her relationship with Ichigo as a young high school sweetheart way and hope that came across :) I think I still need to get a hang of her dialogue but I would love to write more of her in the future!

Also, I am such a sucker for phone conversations! I think they’re such a beautiful concept to focus so much on someone’s voice and hang onto everything the other person says without really knowing how their face looks as they talk. There’s really such an intimacy with it that’s hard to replicate. The phone call between Momo and Toushiro was actually the first part of the fic that was written because it came the easiest to me :)

I started writing this fic in the summer when I was physically and mentally in a different part of the world, so I have fond memories of listening to Late Night Talking during the short nights and writing this after the long summer days. I think this is my favourite fic of the year because it contains a lot of memories of changes to where I am currently and I put a lot of love in Momo and Orihime’s interactions:) I truly hope you enjoyed it :)

#ITS FINALLY DONE #momo hinamori #toushiro hitsugaya #orihime inoue #ichigo kurosaki #bleach fanfiction #canariie: my fics #ichihime #hitsuhina #does it count if the characters are only there in name hahahaha #yes yes yes it does #honestly my true motivation to release this now is because i have to work on a written statement and my mind could not focus on that #until i actually just finished this long piece

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whimsicalwritingsandmore · 5 months

Text

The Hybrid House | ateez x reader

Pairing: hybrid!ot8!ateez x rich!girl!reader

Genre: fluff, romance, slice of life

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1194 words

a/n: this chapter is a little bit shorter than I intended it to be...honestly, I've been trying to work through some burnout I've been experiencing. A while back I made a post indicating that updates will be every two weeks but sometimes, I might not have the chapter ready in time :( I'm still writing, and updates will be coming for this story and Aurorise but it might be slow updates for a little while. I've been trying to find motivation by working on other works when I have inspiration so if you'd like to check some other works you can check out my masterlist! I've currently released Chaotic Good, The Aurora Academy of the Arcane and a Seonghwa soft hours! Thank you for being patient! Can't wait to share more! Happy reading! <333

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Chapter 3

“I can’t believe I’m getting to see the great estate that has your family seething with jealousy!” Yeonjun expressed excitedly.

You roll your eyes playfully at Yeonjun’s antics. While he continues to animatedly express his thoughts about the situation, you sit quietly beside him in the passenger seat fiddling with your fingers and lost in thought. There’s a nervous feeling that’s beginning to slowly creep in, and you’re twisting your palms in anxiousness to help calm yourself but failing miserably.

Initially, you weren’t like this, but when it finally dawned on you that you would possibly be seeing your childhood friend again, time seemed to slow down and freeze. So many thoughts began to race into your mind and you found yourself slowly spiraling into panic. Truth be told, you weren’t prepared to face some of those thoughts if they happened to be true.

Your friends have probably settled with someone and moved on with their lives as they should, but for you, there was that slight twinge of disappointment and sadness lingering.

Especially when it came to Yunho.

As Yeonjun exits Seoul and you’re currently on the wide and empty stretch that leads to your Great Aunt’s mansion, you roll down the window for a breath of fresh air. But as you glance outside, the familiar stretch brings back memories. Your mind flashes back to you and Axel in the car on the way to the estate and the few times you and the boys accompanied your Great Aunt to Seoul.

Yeah, you were kind of a wreck right now in the emotions department.

“Are you okay?”

Yeonjun’s question snaps you out of your daze and you turn to him confused.

“Huh? What?”

I asked if you’re okay. You weren’t listening to me and it hurt my feelings.” he jokes.

You glare at him playfully before lightly smiling at his attempt to make you feel better.

“Just have a lot on my mind.” you hum.

“I know it must be tough,” he says, “I was just trying to lighten the mood before but I know it’s hard to go back after all these years. You didn’t get to see Great Aunt in so long and now, you’re seeing her but not the way you hoped it’d be.”

“It’s on me,” you answer, “After moving away from my family, I could’ve visited her but…I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to tell her about Axel and I didn’t know how to face my friends.”

“It’s not your fault your parents are dysfunctional when it comes to interacting with people. You’re not like them.”

“I didn’t know they said hurtful things to them and their parents behind my back that night. When I heard them gloating with their friends about it, I knew I could never face my friends again.”

“Your friends know you aren’t like them and your Great Aunt would’ve contended to that. Is it also because of your feelings?”

When you befriended Yeonjun at the banquet where you found out what your parents did, you ranted and broke down in front of him that night about everything that weighed on your chest from your brother Axel to your lingering feelings for the boys notably Yunho.

Yes you were young and you knew that, but you had never met genuine people like them before. So call it puppy love or infatuation but they were special to you in a special way.

“I don’t know.” you sighed.

Before the conversation could continue, you recognized the mansion up ahead. The huge gates slowly opened as you approached and as you entered the property, the full view of what you used to consider your second home was now right in front of you. It wasn’t the same the last time you were here. It was now painted in a white and gold combination with more large rose bushes of red and pink adorning the front and numerous new balconies overlooking the hills. There was also now an ostentatious golden-plated and neon-lit fountain in the middle with vines wrapped around the base and surrounded by freshly planted hydrangeas.

You were absolutely mesmerized.

As you step out of the car, you notice a ball of black fur has straightened himself upright as he notices your presence. The adorable black cat greets you by watching intently as you walk up the stairs. As he sees the smile gracing your face, he hops down from his position and meets you halfway down the large stairway. You bend down to his level to pet him and the cat basks gleefully in your embrace and snuggles up close to you in your lap.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it Youngie?”

The cat purrs lovingly at the mention of his name. Sadly, his moment is cut short by the shrill scream of Yeonjun.

“OMG you have a cat here too!?”

You turn to acknowledge Yeonjun’s question but little did you know, the cat is not amused. After being frightened and interrupted by Yeonjun, the cat judges your friend intensely. And when you get up from your spot much to the cat’s disappointment to talk to Yeonjun who swings an arm around you and begins chatting away with you, the cat decides there and then that he doesn’t like him.

“You can do this. Remember I’m here so you’re not alone.”

He nudges you towards the large front door and gives you a thumbs up. But before you can knock, the door opens and a tall man stands front and center, his long hair beautifully tousled and his glasses a little slanted on the bridge of his nose. When he sees you, he breaks out in a gleeful smile and adjusts his glasses. You’re taken aback and your heart begins to do somersaults as your register who it is.

“Y/N?” he asks sweetly.

“Hi Seonghwa.” you answer.

In the meanwhile, Yeonjun stands in the middle of the stairway and gazes at the vast estate. He was also mesmerized at the grand and expansive property and the intricate details that were taken into consideration. However, he hadn’t noticed the black cat judging him at the side with his tail swishing menacingly as if the wheels were turning inside his head.

When Yeonjun finally takes note of him, he smiles and skips over to pet him but instead of giving in…the cat lets out a menacing meow and begins to chase him.

And while you’re inside trying to find the right words to say as you wait for Seonghwa to return from the kitchen, you hear Yeonjun’s screams and him shouting your name.

“Y/NNNN, HEEEEEELP!”

Seonghwa quickly runs in hearing the commotion and when the two of you rush outside, you’re met with the sight of Yeonjun running and the cat chasing him.

“What-”

You turn to Seonghwa who watches on calmly as if this has happened before. But before you can ask, he calls out for someone inside the mansion you weren’t expecting to see.

“San! Go get him.”

And when San appears, in a white tank top that’s covered in a little dirt and black pants, you feel like you’re losing your mind.

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Taglist: @ateezennie23 @edenani @seonghwasslytherin @crazystarfishbear @n1k1mura @fr34k4c1dr41n @breadedloafs

a/n: hi there again!! if in case I've missed your request to be added to the taglist for the Hybrid House, I'm really sorry about that!! You can send a PM or ask so that way I'll be sure to see it! Thank you. <3

#ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez series #ateez fluff #poly ateez x reader #ot8 ateez x reader #poly!ateez

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ravenkinnie · 3 months

Note

i love love love the way you write jinx and the way you talk about her and her relationships!!! not to be annoying bc a lot of ppl in the fandom are like 16/17 but the general interpretation of jinx as little more than a victim of her circumstances and silco’s manipulation who should make up with her sister, be caitvi’s slightly annoying third wheel and ekko’s (or lux? lmao nothing against either ship but yk) quirked up gf is soooo boring (like god forbid a girl contains multitudes and is both a meow meow and an absolute cunt) and your take on her is such a breath of fresh air! not sure if you talked about this in a post already but what are your hopes in general for the new season and ofc for jinx in particular?

❤️❤️❤️ that's my pookie and even tho I'm hoeing across runeterra she will always be the one

no fr fr and listen I do feel like I'm fighting in a kindergarten when I hate because I realise it's cause everyone I'm beefing with is 18 and just likes the same YA archetypes as everyone else at that age but if 10k bitches can post it on ao3 I can hate on it. especially because it erases a supremely well done character that they made out of a lol champion I wouldn't even think twice about when she first released like that's a talent and that's work

and also if people want to complain about female characters in media it feels disingenuous to then remove agency from complicated female characters we do have to make them one dimensional - like one thing you cannot say about jinx is that she's flat - in personality I mean cause well. she is an active dynamic character with insane narrative potential and a lot of layers and being both a victim and a victimiser is an important part of that

my main hopes for season 2 are honestly

*I hope its consistent internally with its own ideology </3 I think s1 at the end starts unraveling a lil because it seems to despair for this both sides ass take but it just wouldn't make any sense with league lore or the show itself. here I mostly fear for ekko gkbknj

*everybody should become a somewhat worse person, like vi provably will because she will become an enforcer, caitlyn seems to also be heading for some corruption arc, obv viktor is there, so I think this will be fulfilled teehee

*I want jinx to have her own arc and I mean an arc where she develops her own goal and motivations outside other characters too and maybe this goal will be to love evil till the day she dies, ill take it!! I just think seeing jinx grow outside that child/flighty troublemaker into a full on villain/terrorist will be fantastic and will also give her actual league lore another layer that hopefullyyyy they can continue to build on (and they will never stop banking on jinx like that's basically leagues mascot)

*mel survives </3 like it would be way too much of a loss of a great character to give her so little storyline of her own, she needs to be in s2

*overall, sorry to be a freak but I'm a tragedy lover and enjoyer and I know they are tied to champion lore somewhat now but I still hope it ends sad or bittersweet for everyone. and when you say tragedy people often think of character death but that's probably the least tragic ending you can give a bitch, the true hollowness in losing everything you once were and could have been is what im talking about!!

*I did say this before but I hope jinx kills imagine dragons in arcane universe. first of all they are touring in israel so they deserve that but also it would be really funny to see them on her list of victims like just whole ass imagine dragons under silco or sth

#asks #arcane #jinx

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echonk3 · 1 year

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999 Week 2023 - Ace

WITH LESS THAN AN HOUR ITS DONE. this year im doing outsider looks on the characters and ace's is social media in the aftermath

Cradle Pharmaceutical CEO in Police Custody! | JNS

Gentarou Hongou, CEO of the famous Cradle Pharmaceutical most known for the drug Soporil commonly used in hospitals, is in police custody after being handed in by a group of people with evidence of his crimes, including kidnapping, bribery and multiple counts of murder. And according to some sources, his murders are of the other three executives of his company!

_____________________________________

coffee @kianuovals

@passingbyinthetrees i am so sorry about what just happened

Stuck on her report @passingbyinthetrees

????

Stuck on her report @passingbyinthetrees

Oh fuck me i choose to do a report on him and his contributions to the community but noooooooo the universe just decides to do this to me lets see if i can get an extension

coffee @kianuovals

hey at least you can add something pretty interesting to it

fml @passingbyinthetrees

You mean: the murder accusations that are likely true, the death game he was accused of setting up that are likely true no matter how fucking fake it may sound, the kidnappings of multiple children, bribery, and the fact that he was handed in by a random group found in the desert in NEVADA. NEVADA. FUCKING NEVADA.

_____________________________________

Trying to keep my cat from getting to my gecko @petparent8398389

Ngl that hongou dude always gave me the creeps

New art piece up! @artcoslianna

Same here. Everybody I’ve met who’s talked about him saw him as this good dude but his smile always unnerved me for some reason.

bend and snap! @sexymansplits

Opposite for me actually. I really looked up to him as somebody who helped the medicinal field, especially in a family full of doctors and nurses and anesthesiologists and just people who work with these types of medicines. Now I’m likely gonna be seeing this case analyzed for being something almost out of ace attorney :/

_____________________________________

:-) @elephantsandtrunks

Fffuck gentariiiiiiiiiiiii hongou iilllll probabbly not longer have a job after thisdd

:-) @elephantsandtrunks

Ii have cholod suporrttt to payyyyyy and because off this fuckkup ill wontt have a job

_____________________________________

Gentarou Hongou and Cradle Pharmaceutical - A History Up to Now

Posted by: Locomoco

997k likes

1:12:58: “In early November of the year of our Lord 2027, a group of people that while not identified currently, they have been overheard calling each other “Clover”, “Seven”, “Junpei”, “Lotus”, “Alice” and “Snake” a blurry photo of an oddly dressed group of people in front of a car and a gas station is shown with many references to an “Ace”, presumed to be Hongou though he wasn’t seen. The man had been put into custody soon after with some reports of the events that led to it, including multiple leaks. Cradle has recently come out with a statement defending Hongou, saying that they didn’t believe in these accusations. However, that was quickly recanted by them once the backlash started. Due to the fact that all the executives have been murdered, there’s been quick reports of people being promoted to these roles and calls for new applicants. Honestly, I’m getting reminded of Oceangate right now from a few years back.”

_____________________________________

Gentarou Hongou Trial Date to be Happening within the Next Few Months!

New Evidence Brought in Regards to the Cradle Pharmaceutical Death Game of 2018!

Potential Motives by Gentarou Hongou! Read Here!!!

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slumberingsage

THE MUGSHOT HAS BEEN RELEASED. I REPEAT. THE MUGSHOT HAS BEEN RELEASED.

#showed it to my grandma who doesnt know wtf is happening and she felt so much pity #her reaction to his crimes were priceless #cradle pharmaceutical #gentarou hongou

Whitehairedemo

The mugshot is pinned on my wall it’s amazing that bastard is gonna get all he deserves and more

_____________________________________

Gentarou Hongou Mugshot Shirt

*a photo of the man’s mugshot on a black shirt is being modeled with a man and a woman, heads cutoff from the photo, though the woman’s dark brown hair is in frame*

Cost: $20

Sold by: Crashkeys

_____________________________________

sincerely me! @keyboardsmasher69

Okay but is he actually guilty? Like so much of this shit sounds so weird. Like a death game? Is this a video game?

Tech support @EightPetals

www.archives.com/18102018-missing-children

www.abcnew.com/gentarou-hongou

www.youtube.com/expo14/video/cradle-pharmaceuticals

Check the many sources cited in the video also. This man is guilty.

_____________________________________

Gentarou Hongou Trial - June 6th, 2028

www.youtube.com/cradlepharmaceutical/livestream/gentarou-hongou-trial

_____________________________________

changeyourmindchangeyourfate

#FUCK YEAH #it’s insane #like it starts out slightly normal but then more and more of the case got revealed and it just got weirder and weirder #destiel #supernatural

#999 week #zero escape #gentarou hongou #ace 999 #nine hours nine persons nine doors

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dereliction-if · 9 months

Note

Dear Sai, I am a frequent visitor & big fan

honestly I am a bit afraid that we are hyping your ifs a lot because your ideas are fucking amazing, and all the characters, world building and lore just are so exciting. I love nsfw aspect and that you are not afraid to be bold and of stepping beyond safety lines!

I noticed I started to be fearful that when you release the demos there will be people that wont like it, or expected something different and that it will discourage you. Ive seen to many amazing authors give up, just throw everything in the trash when it gets hard. Writing 3 ifs at the same time....oooh boy!...Sai, just.... don't stretch yourself thin. Writing is an art, it flows from the soul, its affected by motivation and emotions. So I am worried about you, I truly hope you have good people around to keep you on your path, to lend you a hand or shoulder, whatever you might need.

Because we neeeeeed writers like you, stories like that! I want to see your ifs being finished, published and sold on steam or other platforms.

just...take care of yourself, ok?.......I do hate that Cedric is not a ro and will never forgive for that 💀 thats to keep you grounded so your ego wont explode from all the praise

Love u though ❤️

I consider this an evil attempt on my emotional stability! ;)

Seriously though, thank you very much for taking the time to write this. I understand what you think and the "fear" and doubts involved. I've seen many authors abandon their projects too. And this is more than sad. I think I started PiA parallel to Dereliction because I know I profit from the different settings and writing and when I feel stuck with one project I can distract myself with the other. I def need the variety to keep my spirits high for a long term motivation and not fall dead to boredom lol. Dereliction and PiA are two stories that wander my mind for a very very long time now, so I thought, why wait for one to be finished when I can work on the other meanwhile already...

// oh ok, well then I will def never ever re-introduce Cedric as a Ro cause yk ... gotta stay grounded. Everybody out there will know it's because of you now /jk - no, he won't be re-introduced as a RO...

But I want to add, that removing Cedric as a RO is exactly for that reason, to stay true to my initial idea and I know I can enjoy my writing much more again, even if some might not like it.

I know that my demo will disappoint some readers and it's ok. This is why I "warned" my readers about some content and I am fully embracing any critique and unfollows. As long as it is something I stand behind, I will not regret anything and not feeling the pressure for compromises is such a treat.

Thank you for your message Much love Sai ❤️❤️❤️

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mydarlinginej · 19 days

Text

read my full review of you belong with me by mhairi mcfarlane here.

International bestseller Mhairi McFarlane delivers a charming, hilarious, and heartfelt new novel about a woman adjusting to life in the spotlight when she begins a relationship with a famous actor, in this highly anticipated follow-up to Who’s That Girl.

She found The One. But when everyone wants him, can she keep him?

Edie found true love. And on Christmas day, he’s knocking at her door.

Elliot Owen is handsome, charming and basically Hollywood royalty. And, he insists, madly in love with Edie an ordinary citizen with tomato soup stains on her coat. It’s going to be complicated. Edie will have to learn how to live in the limelight, but they’re just too good together not to try.

Edie discovers it’s not easy when the press is the third person in your relationship, or when stories start leaking that force you to mistrust the motives of those around you. It’s tricky when you’re separated by an ocean and gorgeous co-stars and charismatic new colleagues are closer by. It’s harder still when your past is raked up by envious people determined to destroy your present.

Edie already knows how it feels to be infamous, now she’s going to find out what it’s like to be famous.

Are she and Elliot a fairytale, or a cautionary fable about getting what you wish for?

my review:

While Who’s That Girl? wasn’t my first Mhairi McFarlane book, it was the one that introduced me to her. By that I mean I read the summary before it was released and become obsessed, but since it wasn’t out yet, I turned to her backlist first. Anyways, Who’s That Girl? has always been one of my favorite of her works and I have been absolutely begging for a sequel since 2016 (see: my Goodreads review). When the announcement for You Belong With Me dropped, I was on my knees screaming. Unfortunately though, this ended up being a lesson in getting what you want and then realizing what you actually needed.

By no means do I mean that I didn’t like this book because I really, really did! You Belong With Me is honestly one of McFarlane’s funniest books yet; I laughed out loud at so many scenes, and her dialogue was at peak wittiness, which is saying something. Who’s That Girl? has been one of my comfort reads for so long, and I really loved returning to this cast of characters.

read the rest of my review here:

#you belong with me #mhairi mcfarlane #who's that girl?#reviews #book reviews #booklr #mine #link

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pmd-etu · 1 year

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Hey there ETU readers!

[TLDR If you don't want to read the giant blocks of text: ETU is coming back, but in written form, on my AO3 account, come October of this year!]

I know I’ve made posts here and there, between this blog and the main blog saying I’m working on the comic. And this was true! I love ETU, and I loved working on it at the time!

However!

It takes far too long to draw. I made a bunch of black and white pages- but they take just as long to draw as the colored ones in my style, plus [in my opinion] they don’t look as good.

My work schedule is also all over the place, and there's a lot going on in my life that won't be slowing down anytime soon. Finding time to draw a full comic is. Hard. To say the least.

All in all, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make this a full comic. I simply don’t have the time, energy, or motivation. If I spent every last drop of my free time I could make more pages- but I have other hobbies then art, and I like to draw other things too. Hell, the 80ish pages of ETU that exist barely covered the prologue of the game and they took me two years to draw. The story would have taken decades to finish at that rate.

HOWEVER (2) I love Pokémon mystery dungeon. (Excluding “The Cat Lady”) it is my favorite game of all time, certainly my favorite Pokémon game of all time. It was one of the reasons I got obsessed with OCs and story creation. My first ever written story as a kid was a PMD story! It means a lot to me.

So I’ll be writing (and FINISHING) the story as a written piece. I know that’s not as fun to most people as a comic, but I want to see this story finished one way or another, and this is the most feasible way of me doing so. I’ve been working on ETU since 2016(the comic started in 2019 but that’s when I made Amoris!)and I want it to be completed!

Honestly, my grammer isn't great. And I’m willing to admit that my writing isn’t perfect- I got too self conscious about writing stories for a good 5 years and am just now getting back into it. So what I’m saying is it won’t be perfect- but neither was the original comic, so I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway!

Anyway, it’s going to be up on AO3- I'll be starting it by posting the first 10 chapters weekly! [Will take a break after that for a little while to Ensure I have enough of a buffer between chapter releases to edit to my liking and work on other projects!]

I’ll be posting updates on here when I post new chapters too but I recommend following me on AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceSheepish [I also write other things there, of course!]

My goal to post the first chapter will be October 1, 2023! [So every Sunday!]

As a bonus though, because I am primarily an artist, I will be drawing scenes and character references for ETU, as I was doing before- those will also be posted here!

#ETU #ETU news

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fullmoonfireball · 2 years

Photo

Well it’s been. another year! No one can argue that. Because it’s objectively true and I’m right. Honestly I’m really not sure what to say this time, especially since I’m currently sick and tired and thus not at peak Ramblebrain, y’know? Heck, I don’t even know if people read these rambles. I could say whatever the hell I want. Rhubarb. Watermelon. Snildebbliogh. I guess I’ll mention that despite being pleased with most of my picks, I really wish that I’d been able to do more ‘big’ art this year... Art block and/or lack of motivation is a bitch.

Anyways! Same rules as always, I picked my favourite art pieces I made in each month, limited solely to those I posted on this blog... Not that I typically stow away pieces I’m proud of solely to Discord, but hey. Rules are rules, even if they don’t matter that much in the long run.

Jan | Feb | Mar | Apr | May | Jun | Jul* | Aug | Sep | Oct | Nov | Dec

Template can be found... nowhere this time! Because the artist who made the one I used last year, asterianmonarch, seems to have deactivated their DA, so I edited the 2021 one instead. I’ll find a new one next year, I promise.

2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

*An Agent’s Work is Never Done finished releasing in May, Rookie on the Rocks released in June, and now One Lump or Two has released in July. What a funny little pattern. While this one wasn’t a planned release, I’m still pleased with it, and well... Here’s hoping Suspect at Large will finally be done in 2023...

#Rambles Into The Void #parasites #parasitism #<- for blacklist thanks to the october pick

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dangerousperfectpill · 2 years

Text

12.31.22

Last day of 2022! It has been a good year. Lots of ups and downs, and many very big changes. I feel like this year I learned so, so much, and I am honestly so proud of myself. I feel like I learned so much and came such a long way. I do more things for me, that interest me, without caring about what other people think. I still struggle, but in 2023 I hope to adjust my vision so that I can better addresses the emotions and struggles I face.

So many of the things I used to only dream about are coming true in my every day. That is incredible! I am a 4.0 student. I am loved, I have an incredible group of friends. I have freedom. I do things for me. I am so grateful because watching myself blossom with my environment makes me so happy. I thank the Universe for everything it has given me. For the laughs, for the smiles, the triumphs, for every supercharged emotion that has made 2022 as memorable to me as it is. Everyday I grow to be more like Julie, like Ashley, like my mom. I have the most incredible women in my life to look up to. Everyday I grow closer to my dad, and I have been able to watch the disdain I have for him melt away and be replaced by a bond that only occurs when two souls are one in the same.

So thank you for everything.

Now, when I wake up in the morning, it will be the new year. 2023!

Things I will bring into 2023:

The friendships I hold closest.

My GPA.

My curiosity.

My drive.

My family.

My loyalty to myslef

Things I will leave in 2022:

My binge eating disorder.

Fear of the future.

Self sabotage.

Laziness.

Bitchiness.

Lack of motivation.

What I want more then anything else: to leave my binge eating disorder in the past.

From my core, for every time I have cried, dug into my self loathing with a fork. For every time I have felt alone, misunderstood and disgusting. I will with everything in me to leave this lack of control behind in 2022.

I visualize a life of true happiness. One where food isn't always in my minds eye. One where I don't restrict and one where I don't binge. One wear my diet is normal, satisfying. One that makes me happy.

Though I am scared that regardless of these words I will fall into old habits like I have, I release those fears. In the past I have been able to accomplish things I thought to be impossible. This is no different. I leave things that make me sad and disgusted in 2022. There is room for only beauty, happiness and blooming in 2023. If I want to, with all my heart - and I do, I can stop binging. And I will. Everything will work according to this. I will stop binging. I no longer will binge because it self sabotages and makes me feel more isolated and alone then I feel before I binge.

I have been able to manifest everything else I want. I am beloved, intelligent and happy.

If i can manifest everything that I have wanted in the past, I can manifest this. For truly, being able to be free of this four year nightmare and struggle would be the biggest blessing 2023 can offer.

Dear 2023,

I cannot wait to see the magic you have in store.

I have a feeling that the happiness you are about to provide will be something beautiful and unmatched. A product of all my hard work and life experience up until this point. I embrace every challenge you give me with open arms, lovingly I enfold every day in my embrace, for every single day is a gift.

Thank you.

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treadmilltreats · 2 months

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Anniversary of My Freedom

Ha! I know that sometimes God got jokes. As I am on this treadmill writing my blog about the anniversary of my freedom, as it was 11 years today that I've been divorced. I honestly didn't even remember that until my Facebook remember when, reminded me of it.

As I am working out, this song came on my iPod (Yes, I still have one of those) Which, by the way, has over a thousand songs on it, and it was on shuffle. It was a song I listened to over and over before I left him. It was a song that gave me the strength to leave. And from all the songs I have, this one is playing now. Yes, I believe in signs!

It was Christina Aguilera "Stronger than ever"

It goes, "I'm tired of walking on eggshells, terrified to fail, and in order to please you, I've abandoned myself.

And though it used to hurt me when you pushed me away, I'm stronger than ever. You made me this way.

It's not pretty the way you criticize me and how it breaks my heart, and when you tell me you love me, I can't feel it. "

It reminded me of all the times I felt like I was walking on eggshells. All the times I cried myself to sleep, praying that I would find the strength to leave. But it also reminded me of how far I've come in the last eleven years. It has reminded me of how I manifested my life now. It showed me how much I have grown and changed. Was it scary? Oh, hell yeah, but I was sick of letting fear rule my life. I knew I needed to change, and I did, and I have to tell you it was the best decision of my life.

So today, my friends, my anniversary message to everyone is to live your life large. Don't stay when you're miserable and when you're not treated the way you should be. You need to be true to who you are, because you only get one life, it's yours...so go big or go home! Never have any regrets. Don't let fear keep you stuck. Do you, be you, and live your best life now!

And never forgot that only you can…"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreats

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dfroza · 3 months

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A personal “knowing”

Whenever you cross my mind, I thank my God for you and for the gift of knowing you.

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 1st chapter of the letter of Philippians:

Paul and Timothy, slaves of Jesus the Anointed One, greet you, our friends in Philippi—those set apart by Jesus the Anointed—and we greet the elders and deacons who serve with you. Grace and peace be with you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus the Anointed.

Whenever you cross my mind, I thank my God for you and for the gift of knowing you. My spirit is lightened with joy whenever I pray for you (and I do constantly) because you have partnered with me to spread the gospel since the first day I preached to you.

I am confident that the Creator, who has begun such a great work among you, will not stop in mid-design but will keep perfecting you until the day Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King, returns to redeem the world. It is only right that I should feel such admiration for you all—you hold me close to your hearts. And, since we are partners in this great work of grace, you have never failed to stand with me as I have defended and stood firm for the gospel—even from this prison cell. Before God I want you to know how much I long to see you and love you with the affection of the Anointed One, Jesus.

Here’s what I pray for you:

Father, may their love grow more and more in wisdom and insight— so they will be able to examine and determine the best from everything else. And on the day of the Anointed One, the day of His judgment, let them stand pure and blameless, filled with the fruit of righteousness that ripens through Jesus the Anointed.

All this I pray, with a view to God’s ultimate praise and glory.

I have good news, brothers and sisters; and I want to share it. Believe it or not, my imprisonment has actually helped spread the good news to new places and populations. Word has spread through the ranks of the imperial guard and to everyone else around me that I am in prison because of my faith in the Anointed One. My imprisonment has instilled courage in most of our brothers and sisters, so they are trusting God more and have been even more daring as they speak the good news without fear.

I am well aware that some people out there are preaching the message of the Anointed One because of jealousies and rivalries. Their motives aren’t pure. They’re driven by selfish ambitions and personal agendas, hoping somehow to add to my pain here in prison. And I also know there are others who are preaching the Anointed from true goodness, motivated by love. They wish me the best because they know I’m here in prison in defense of the gospel.

So what do we do then? Listen. What matters is that in every way, regardless of the motives—whether pure or shady—the great story of the Anointed is a cause for joy. I will continue to rejoice because I know that through your encouragement and prayers and through the help of the Spirit of Jesus the Anointed, I will soon be released from this dark place. I don’t expect that dishonor and shame will plague me in any way, but I do hope that I will continue to be able to speak freely and courageously about Jesus, and that now and forever the Anointed One will be glorified and placed above all else through this body of mine—whether I live or die. For my life is about the Anointed and Him alone. And my death, when that comes, will mean great gain for me. So, if it’s His will that I go on serving here, my work will be fruitful for the message. I honestly wouldn’t know how or what to choose; I would be hard-pressed to decide. I lean toward leaving this world to be with the Anointed One because I can only think that would be much better. To stay in this body of flesh—even with all its pains and weaknesses—would best serve your needs. Now that I think of it, I am sure of this: I would prefer to remain to share in the progress and joy of your growing belief. When I return to you, we will celebrate Jesus the Anointed even more.

So here is what I want you to do: conduct yourselves as true and worthy citizens of the Anointed’s gospel, so that whether I make it or don’t make it to see you, I will at least hear that you continue to stand, united in one spirit, single-minded in purpose as you struggle together for the faith in the gospel. Don’t be paralyzed in any way by what your opponents are doing. Your steadfast faith in the face of opposition is a sign that they are doomed and that you have been graced with God’s salvation. And now, you have been given the privilege of not only believing in Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King, but being chosen to suffer for Him as well. You have seen me suffer for Him. Since I’ve been away, you’ve heard of the other agonizing conflicts I’ve had to face. Now you know firsthand the pains of this battle.

The Letter of Philippians, Chapter 1 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

Even in difficult times, Paul remains faithful because he realizes that the kingdom and the message of the Anointed One are more important than any one messenger. Paul uses his own willingness to sacrifice himself as a model for believers to follow. He directs them to be good and faithful citizens of the heavenly kingdom, no matter what opposition they receive.

Today’s paired reading from the First Testament is the 2nd chapter of the book of Numbers:

Eternal One spoke to Moses and Aaron.

Eternal One: Here’s how the Israelite camp should be arranged, each man with his own banner under his extended family’s ensign, all around the congregation tent, but facing the tent at a distance. Group the twelve families according to the following four divisions: The Judah division shall camp under their banner nearest sunrise, on the east. It will comprise the 74,600 troops of the Judah extended family with its head, Nahshon (Amminidab’s son); next to them, the 54,400 troops from the Issachar tribe, headed by Nethanel (Zuar’s son); and the 57,400 from the Zebulun tribe, headed by Eliab (Helon’s son). These three extended families constitute the Judah division (186,400 total troops). They shall march first.

On the south side, the Reuben division shall camp under their banner. It will comprise the 46,500 troops from the Reuben extended family with its head Elizur (Shedeur’s son); and next to them the 59,300 troops from the Simeon tribe headed by Shelumiel (Zurishaddai’s son); and 45,650 from the Gad tribe, with its head Eliasaph (Deuel’s son). Total troop numbers for the Reuben division are 151,450. They shall march second.

The congregation tent, with its attendant Levites, shall always camp and move at the center of these divisions. Their camping order shall be the same as their order when they travel—well organized, each identified by its own banner.

The Ephraim division will camp under their banner on the west. It includes the 40,500 troops from the Ephraim extended family, whose head is Elishama (Ammihud’s son); and next to them, the 32,200 troops of the Manasseh tribe, headed by Gamaliel (Pedahzur’s son); and finally 35,400 troops from the Benjamin tribe, headed by Abidan (Gideoni’s son). The Ephraim division’s total numbers are 108,100. They shall march third.

Finally, the Dan division shall camp under their banner on the north side. It is composed of the 62,700 troops from the Dan extended family headed by Ahiezer (Ammishaddai’s son); camping next to them, the Asher tribe, headed by Pagiel (Ochran’s son) with its 41,500 troops; and the Naphtali tribe’s 53,400 troops, headed by Ahira (Enan’s son). The total numbers for the Dan division are 157,600, and they shall march out last under their banners.

This is the organization of Israelites according to the twelve extended families—603,550 total arms-bearing troops. Of course, this does not include the Levite organization because the Eternal commanded Moses not to count them.

And things went according to plan. Just as the Eternal had commanded Moses, the Israelites organized and camped and traveled by the twelve clans and their extended families, each with its own banner. Then they left.

The Book of Numbers, Chapter 2 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Saturday, june 29 of 2024 with a paired chapter from each Testament (the First & the New Covenant) of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons:

“Grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever” (Isa. 40:8). This is a great word of hope. Despite experiencing exile and living in oppression, the Lord speaks words of everlasting consolation: Nachamu, nachamu ammi: “Comfort, comfort my people...” (Isa. 40:1). These were God’s words of encouragement to the Jewish exiles that were carried away into Babylonian captivity. Despite the appearance of ruin, God promised to establish Zion as the praise of the earth. There is a glorious future ahead, even if present circumstances seem overwhelming and your heart’s cry is stifled.

The LORD God is the only enduring Reality in a constantly changing world, and He has designed it this way to cause our hearts to search for him. “All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field” -- such is the condition of this ephemeral world with its flux and fortunes. The flesh fades because the breath of the LORD blows upon it (Isa. 40:7). God Himself has ordained human life to be a vapor...

Nonetheless we are told not to fear, because there is good news for Zion: the LORD is coming with might to reward those who are waiting for him. “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather his lambs and carry them close to his heart” (Isa. 40:11). As the apostle Peter said, this good news is the eternal life given through the imperishable “Seed” - the Word of God that rises forever in Yeshua (1 Pet. 1:23-25).

The nations of this world are reckoned as less than nothing; their glory is “tohu” (תהוּ) - confusion and unreality - and their princes are regarded as utter vanity (Isa. 40:23). “Scarcely are they planted and have taken root when He blows upon them and they wither to become dust carried off by the storming winds” (Isa. 40:24). The nations of the earth are dried grasses; the kings of the earth are withered flowers.

But the LORD God is incomparably great and will faithfully fulfill his promises to Israel: “The word of our God will stand forever.” He created the heavens and calls each star by name. He is invincible in power and no one can overrule His will.

This world is not our home; we are “strangers” here. It is an affliction to wait for the LORD, a “homesickness” of heart... The apostle Paul says our loneliness and alienation prepare for us an “eternal weight of glory” beyond all comparison, because we are not looking at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen. “For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:17-18). Just as the “two-souled” man is unstable in all his ways, so the process of being “educated for eternity” means learning to focus our heart’s passion and hope on the glory of heaven. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Those who wait for the LORD inwardly groan to be clothed with immortality and eternal life, and their consolation is great indeed. Yeshua is “preparing a place for you,” an everlasting place of refuge whose builder and maker is God (Heb. 11:10). Faith sees beyond the shadows of this world to behold your true home with your Heavenly Father. Amen. Believing is seeing, not the other way around. "Keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Yeshua the Messiah that leads to eternal life." (Jude 1:21)

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Isaiah 40:8 reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/isa40-8-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/isa40-8-lesson.pdf

6.28.24 • Facebook

from yesterday’s email by Israel365

And Today’s

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

from an email by Glenn Jackson

June 29th

* The heart is a thousand stringed instrument that can only be "tuned" [brought into harmony] with Love.

...."the love [Wisdom, Truth, Grace, Light] of God [the Father] has been poured out within our hearts [spirit, inner man] through the Holy Spirit [the Spirit of Love] who was given

to us".... Romans 5:5 NASB

...."Watch over your heart [spirit] with ALL diligence, for from it flow the springs of life [the forces of the Kingdom {Grace, Faith, Love, Truth, Righteousness and Wisdom}]".... Proverbs 4:23-24 NASB

"diligence" - constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken;

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pricklenettle · 5 months

Note

Talk Shop Tuesday: What's one goal that you're working towards and what steps are you taking to try to achieve that goal? Why is this goal something you want to achieve? <3 -@fieldsofview

I know I’m answering this on Wednesday, forgive me

And wow, this is a hard one. Art for me is honestly mostly a pressure release valve. I enjoy doing it and if I don’t produce something creative I will go crazy. That said, word is getting around my local community that I can produce decent art that is nice to look at. This is very wonderful and nice for me because I apreciate these people wanting my work and being willing to pay me for it.

a difficulty that arrises that I am facing right now is motivating myself to actually work on fulfilling their requests. In the back of my mind art is something fun to do when you don’t need to do anything else, not actually useful for anyone. And that isn’t quite true. I really want to attend to those pieces with the care and attention they deserve. But it’s difficult when I’m frozen by indecission and mortally terrified of messing it up. so a major goal of mine would be to wittle down that nervousness and manage the procrastination when it crops up.

this is easier said than done, as many folks have found out for themselves, I’m sure. If I ever figure it out I’ll keep you posted

In the meantime I try to set a schedule for when I work on stuff, I try to use materials and techniques I am already comfortable with, and I rely on the people in my life to poke and prod me when those due dates start looming

#nettle speaks

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mystique-6 · 10 months

Text

Fic Name: This is Me Trying

Summary: Ailis just wanted to start a new life and be a person again. Instead she was kidnapped by mindflayers and winds up in the position of leader of a very rag tag group adventurers who all want the same thing...to get rid of their tadpoles before they all become mindflayers. As the group journeys to Baldur's Gate friendships develop and Ailis finds herself drawn to a certain vampire spawn. While the relationship starts out of simple convenience it quickly blossoms into something more...but are either ready for that?

Author's Note: I have been invested in BG3 since YouTube first recommended a video for me to watch back in 2020. I quickly became obsessed with a certain vampire rogue. I was lucky to have a very kind and generous friend gift me the game in EA when I mentioned I planned to purchase the game when I was able to save up for it. And shortly after creating my tav, Ailis, I began plotting this fanfic. I decided to wait for the whole game to be released so I wouldn't have to have a long delay if I managed to finish Act I before the game came out and in case there were changes made to the characters and story. I am glad I made this decision.

A lot of this fic will follow the game exactly, but there will be slight differences to fit this fic, particularly with Astarion's story. I want to make one thing very clear, I love Astarion and his story. I think he is a very compelling character and I think he and his story are very well written. I know a lot of people really connect with both this character and his story and I think that is a great thing. However, I really liked his original corrupt magistrate story that was presented in EA that seemed to be dropped in the official game(or at least watered down). I thought that would make a compelling story and I also prefer more morally dark characters. All this is to say, some of Astarion's characterizations will be different than they are in game as well as some of his story.

For his character, I do intend to write him as a slightly darker than he is in game. Nothing crazy. He really won't be any worse than he is Act I but I don't intend to have him stray too far from how he is in Act I. He will have moments of softness, especially towards my tav, but he won't get as soft as he is in game. At least that's not my intent. This is mostly because I prefer vampiric characters to be a little darker. In D&D, Vampire Spawn have the same shift in personality as True Vampires based on what I have read so I am leaning into that a little more.

For his story, how he views and feels about sex is going to be different. SA is still going to be a part of his backstory but I am adjusting bits of that to fit this story. Honestly, though I think his story is great and well written some of it just doesn't make since with me on a narrative level.

I just wanted to mention this because I know people feel very strongly about his character and story and just want to give warning that both will be a little different in this fic and that might mean it won't be for every Astarion fan. That's okay. There a plenty of great fics out there. However, if you are still intrigued by this fic I really hope you enjoy it. I'm only one chapter in but I had a lot of fun writing it.

The tags will be updated as the story progresses so make sure you always check them before starting a new chapter. I normally include all tags that will be used when I begin a fic but this fic keeps changing directions a bit on me so I'm doing it this way for now.

I hope you enjoy and if you have time please review. I love getting feedback and they really motivate me to keep going.

#bg3 #astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 tav #shadowheart #gale of waterdeep #bg3 wyll #lae'zel #karlach

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zombieweek-g · 2 years

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On The Don TL

my brain is soup rn from this cold ive been nursing so forgive me if this stops making sense at any point

I started subbing donbros at episode 8 because a friend I’d talk about it with didn’t speak japanese, and thus couldnt talk about the eps with me until the subs were eventually released, usually at least 20 hours after the initial airing. As a result, my entire motivation for starting thius sub was just to be able to chat about the episodes with my friend faster, so posting them anywhere at all was never really on my mind, and I didn’t think I’d actually sub the next episode, much less the rest of the show.

Don was the first time I’ve ever subbed a show, so the first 5 weeks were sort of like being chucked into a fire after having only done manga translation up til now, and the process was both easier, harder, and completely different in so many ways (honestly i worry about how easily itll be to switch right back to scantalation lol)

working with such a small window in between the ep airing and actually releasing the sub definitely made for some occasionally sloppy mistakes, and more often than not I’d just get completely off track for one reason or another. If you ever noticed my sub released like 12 full hours after airing rather than the normal 5 its because i was either caught up in a game or a show (there was a solid 2 weeks where the sub was delayed because i was binging doctor who (sorry)).

There’s so much I feel like I could talk about in regards to the personal journey I went on subbing this show and its hard to even think of how to put it into words, I graduated from university and started working in the span of subbing this show, if feels like a joke. I figured out that I was trans because of this show (not totally true but it did happen in the timeframe).

That’s also not even to talk about the people I’ve gotten to meet while subbing this show, like, people I’d always held in high respect for their work that I’ve gotten to work with because I started doing this. It feels insane how much of my online presence has changed because of this show, like a year and some change ago this was a dead blog, I didn’t post or RB anything and if you look at my posts prior to january 2022 im pretty sure you could count most of my posts on your fingers. There’s such an insane amount of stuff I owe to the work ive done on my sub and even still i cant put it into words.

I was actually really worried I wasn’t gonna be able to get this sub out because I’ve been sick as a dog for about 3 days now, yesterday I was literally bedridden for half the day worrying that I might not be able to even sit at my computer because of what turned out to jsut be a really bad cold. The effort I’ve been able to put into other stuff too thanks to this is crazy to me, like I fully didn’t expect it to turn out so well for me. (like the blog that posted last weeks tl for me is actually just my alt I use for streaming, another thing i only really started doing because of the motivation I got from going this!)

Whether or not I keep subbing sentai, I’ll be having my manga projects taking focus more going forward, especially with how many I abandoned mid tl last year (nexus and kaixa manga both coming soon hopefully.

It’s hard to put into words just how much this show and the support I’ve gotten with my janky speed tl means to me, and for anyone who read this thank you so much for the support and encouragement over the last 10 months, because it really has meant the world to me.

#donweek_g #Zombieweek translations

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twenytwenytwo · 2 years

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Nov 27 2022

Last night, after work, went to Beefeaters from Grammas 85th birthday. Holy moly. She’s been alive over 3 times as long as I have.

Today, I started in a rather motivated mood. I knew that if started doing easy, somewhat productive things, I’d have a more productive day overall. Did the dishes, laundry. Then basically extermination any semblance of disorder in the bedroom.

I lifted all furni and swiffered. All junk from under bed. All useless clothes cluttering my dresser. Closet clutter. Drawer clutter. Wiped baseboard. I wiped my door that has never ever ever been wiped; there was ten years worth of me grabbing the door.

Made the extension cord under my bed better, longer. Organized and archived. So so so so much, I got lost.

I started a general plan for video last night. Was going to start one tonight for video.

My energy today is pretty jet-fuel-y. It reminds me of myself 2-3 years ago when I was a fuckin machine, just getting shit done. It’s an anxious energy though, and you’ve gotta be careful with it.

Death is hanging over us all our life, looming, forever creating potential for anxiety. The medicine for that, of course, is meaning. Order. So, it makes sense that productivity is a sort of anxious energy. It’s swimming away from the angst that impending doom encourages. The consuming forces of mortality.

Anyway, I’ve been very hyper-focused today, perhaps somewhat excessively. Cleaning really swallowed me but, it’s probably because I had been thinking about it for so long. It was one of those should do things.

It really takes balance and care to stay on top of household maintenance. Everything being in good order is a product of good time management and self mgmt. I looked at my room just now and noticed the lack on shelves or considerable storage. I’ve got one shelf, a few drawers (besides dresser), that’s it.

My room is a far cry from what it looked like years ago. It used to look like an opium den at one point, good times. I was really exploring then, having fun.

Moving on. I made some decent ground on my plan for booking more wedding videos this coming year yesterday. Now, to devise a plan for music. I obviously need releases. I also need photos. I also need to figure out what my conclusion is on the drummer situation. I keep flip-flopping between totally letting go of Ethan and just paying him a good fee to have him gig with me.

1. Develop an ideal that requires only myself and also one that does not require external validation. If I can succeed in this, I will be working from my true self, and not any buggy part of my ego.

I also want to work on concluding (what I can) with Izabel and I’s break-up. Reviewing the relationship, so to speak, and really giving my self an inspection. I feel like this has really confused my sex-relationship connection, similar to how I imagine people who only hook-up may find themselves feeling, except inverted, of course. I feel like me taking care of my sexual needs betrays Izzy and I’s friendship somehow. I mean, that’s not surprising considering I basically felt coerced into fantasizing about cheating on her. I still feel that way obviously.

That is one knot I need to untie. I believe the other is created by the pressure put on me to develop in ways that I did not necessarily want to yet. I felt like if I had any self-criticisms about my financial independence and related self-worth feelings, the relationship with Izzy really encouraged them. Of course, I chose to stay in that environment, likely because unconsciously I agreed that it was important, but I did not want to move into the next phase of my development. I had unfinished business, simply.

I could have handled things on my end better though. I could have been more patient, or at least not procrastinate and ignore my instincts. Honestly, I feel like that was the real problem; I ignored my own feelings for so very very long. I wanted to be with Izzy because she was cozy and obviously spoke to a deep part of me. I also didn’t though. There was a more instinctual dissonance that existed between her and I. It made me feel embarrassed of myself, something very uncommon for me. It made me feel young and dumb. It didn’t empower me, excite me, and call forth the things that Izabel ultimately wanted.

1. Working on myself to sooth the aches caused by feeling inadequate, but also rise to the challenge and fulfill that inevitable need for independence.

2. Exploring and clean up my sexuality.

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makeste · 3 years

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“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua and @class1akids’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

#bnha 322 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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