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moonchu-art · 1 year

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happy lunar new year's eve 🌌 this rabbit brings bell flowers that spark light within the dark spaces ✨ i just kept hearing sparkles as i painted this piece. mixed media ~ 💜 prints available here.

insta / shop / twitter

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goldkirk · 2 months

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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.

That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.

I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.

I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!

#personal data hacking is my passion #someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now #including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and #trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later #I’m so proud of that #you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works #we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments #anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze #love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal #trauma evolution #my Waffle House index #this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too #more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance #are able to and going to yes keep getting better #long many-milestone path-journeys of potential #like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting #stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future #time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it #all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry

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doodleodds · 6 months

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Comm for @hirokiyuu of their OCs Yuujin & Leona!

I AM SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME A MONTH!!!!! CRIES THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE!! And I'm sorry the draft i tried to send didn't work- I hope this is something like what you had in mind regardless. ^^;

EDIT I JUST REALIZED I LEFT OUT YUUJINS PIERCINGS..... i'll add those & modify the post in a bit 😅 dang it. sorry bout that

#i am about to go on a brief rant i apologize #I had to redraw this. three separate times. because the first program I did it in wouldn't export it at all (thankfully it was only a draft #but like wft right?) and then i had to do another draft & do the lines for the new one #and my dumb idiot ass ended up doing it in PHOTOSHOP for some reason. NEVER ANIMATE IN PHOTOSHOP IF YOU CAN HELP IT #i hate it. SO much. When i was doing my senior project a few years ago I told my advisors i was going to do it in flash. and i did.#but one of my senior project advisors was like 'you should do it in photoshop! it's better quality!'#and i had to restrain myself from being like 'i would literally rather die. you could shoot me and it would be preferable'#and i am remembering why I felt that way!!!!!!!! grits teeth #psa to all artists out there. dont. animate in photoshop. or if you do please let me know how you deal with no onionskin. ugh #anyway im sorry about that rant lol. im happy with how this came out and i hope you are too! ^^;#thank you again for commissioning me :) hope you have a lovely rest of your evening!#i am slowly. slowly chugging along again. i apologize once again for the wait on the comms

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pinstripe-doodles · 4 months

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Using this as a pinned post for now (yeah should have done this earlier oops)

#pins talks #hope everyone has a happy holiday!#ill get comms back up sometime in the new year hopefully but yeah #if you wanna support me theres this ! also if you wanna see stuff as i finish it/stuff i start and then never finish #no pressure though ! (you can also just follow for free ! i upload all my finished stuff up there for free)#anyway have a good rest of the year !

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lobotomyladylives · 12 days

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people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots

#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him #the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship #so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he #would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of #''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids''#and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us #so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT #and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi #so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history #for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage #and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her #what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us #but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they #raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh #if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker.#and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us #while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol #theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling #but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong.#anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine

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isa-ah · 2 months

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been following you since PRE bubblegum karkat days and it’s been really nice watching you grow and heal and whenever i see you on my dash and think of your growth it reminds me of my own healing journey. i find that really nice

HAHA that was AGES ago dude. my god. i cant believe youre still around, that was like, the worst of it LOLOL weve both probably come a looong way since then, yeah. life used to be abysmal but now ive got my hubby and mother in law and were moving to nola next month so theres nothing to fear =')

#we found the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood in the perfect part of the city so #we are hoping and praying. our sickass real estate agent did a walkthru yesterday and said #'its been on the market for a while so if you put in for it youll probably get it'#very exciting news theres even a patio we can screen in EASILY for our cats #right outside our bedroom door! it would be perfect for entertaining!#were finally going to make irl friends!!!!! sdkjksdjfksd #i had a couple freak friends in phoenix and like 2 cool friends but like. mostly. freaks.#so im hoping to make real actual friends this go round cause we sure as hell didnt out here in the sticks of al #yippeeeeeeee #babe is also going to get a job so i can take a break bc ive been doing coms to support us for years now and its STRESSFUL #im gunna get to go on a small vacation and kick back like #life is so good #im so excited to rest and chill #im gunna sew!! so much stuff!!!!#maybe ill even list some on here for people to buy like i just want to make so many little dudes all the time #but i dont have the time or energy to devote to that bc making patterns takes time and materials #IDK IDK TOTALLY OFF TOPIC #i dont talk about my daily life much actually its usually just specific shit so im taking the opportunity to say.#i grew up in a VERY bleak way. brother were talking moldy food bank food house rotting both my guardians so so sick #dropped out of middle school to be a fulltime caregiver lost both of them anyway #then a bunch of falling out with my family etc etc i had NOTHING going into my twenties but a FUCKTON of trauma and mistrust #and now im heading for my thirties and i am the healthiest and happiest i have ever been in my entire life #i look great i feel great i do pretty good for myself and the people around me #i love love love my friends im t4t gay married i have a cat thats like a pokemon partner. to me. its perfect #yes weve made a lot of plans that have fallen thru and were not where we thought we would be by now #but honestly? honestly? my life is really great. were broke as fuck but we get by and we love each other and thats whats UUUUUUUP #youll get there! just keep going! you have no idea what kinds of opportunities youll be offered in your life that can change everything

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merrigel · 3 months

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Every day I reblog things to the wrong blog by accident

#merry gabs #SORRY LMAO #also hey how's it goin'!! happy new year!!#I have a small pile of WIPs that I'm excited to share once they're wrapped up #but also I've been having a rest in the past month or so #spent most of december with my family- they came all the way to see me and my fiancée for the holidays!! 🥹#also I've been getting deep back into crochet- nothing to share rn bc I just frogged all my progress on my project #ran outta yarn and couldn't get more of the same color (which wasn't the color I anticipated it being anyway$#so now I'm scrabbling at the tracking for my new bundle of yarn I'm SO EXCITED #Ooohhh wait I also did another cool thing recently BUT they were gifts so I can't show yet >:3c Also scrabbling at the tracking for those #I NEED THEM IN MY FRIENDS' HANDS NOOOWWWWW #hoo boy this is a ramble!! Anyway I hope you're all well #and thank you for your patience as I'm constantly accidentally putting goofy text posts here and then deleting them when I notice days later

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 7 days

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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work #blocked it all out #my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer #breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries #they just diagnosed her two weeks ago #so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends #because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well #but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work #on top of my fulltime #which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it #but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this #for the coming four months at least #so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes #then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week #which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc #i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer #came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry #but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat #bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually #but seeing her anger made me see my own anger #and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic #i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more #so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise #doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal #and i am not joking #so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back

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blujayonthewing · 4 months

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here's hoping I can continue to improve getting back in touch with reality and the flow of time in the coming year

#the thing is-- I know a big part of the problem is feeling isolated from others and from the flow of the rest of the world #because of. you know. covid. I'm not gonna list all the specific factors (again) but it Continues To Be A Problem For Me #but I hope to at least TRY to do whatever I actually can to pin myself back into the world instead of floating in a void at all times #this year was better than last year. I don't have huge swathes of time just 100% lost to dissociation this year!#it's hard when like-- I know the structure of Get A Job would help! I know Socialize In Person More would help!#but I have a car again now so maybe I can at least go Do Stuff more even if it's by myself instead of wasting away on computer aahah #me @ me touch more grass I'm begging you #anyway. happy new year y'all I hope it brings us all closer to whatever we need #about me

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everysongineverykey · 2 months

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shoutout to brian may for constantly coming through with all the Inexpressibly Fucking Melancholy songs we could ever need. long away '39 all dead all dead some day one day leaving home ain't easy... hell even his demos. listen to you know you belong to me and water and tell me you don't feel like ben affleck on bench with cigarette dot png. every band needs one member who is just so sad All the time and Will make it the entire discography's problem and i am so serious

#queen band #sure freddie roger and john have their share of dramatic sad songs too #but brian's oeuvres just really hit the existentially terrified child inside me #the one who's constantly sitting on a beach at night looking up at the stars. good shit #take heart my friend we love you though it seems like you're alone a million lights above you smile down upon your home.#in the year of 39 came a ship in from the blue the volunteers came home that day #and they bring good news of a world so newly born though their hearts so heavily weigh.#don't you hear my call though you're many years away don't you hear me calling you.#all dead all dead but i should not grieve in time it comes to everyone #all dead all dead but in hope i breathe of course i don't believe you're dead and gone all dead and gone.#i'm all through with ties i'm all tired of tears i'm a happy man don't it look that way?#when i was you and you were me and we were very young together took us nearly there the rest may not be sung #so still the cloud it hangs over us and we're alone but some day one day we'll come home.#leaving home ain't easy but may be the only way.#i have to stop and think sometimes let the water roll a while let the days go by under my feet....#you know. lyrics like that. i go fucking INSANE.

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caitas-cooing · 3 months

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I walk slowly when I'm on my own

(do you feel alive)

Yeah but frankly I still feel alone

(oh but you'll survive)

#owl city #if my heart was a house #the depression is depressing me #I have taken meds today but idk I'd they're helping right now #I hope this is just a rough patch because if they stopped working they'll probably have to put me on new meds #because my dosage is already really high so my psychiatrist will most likely not want to increase it more #and switching meds around like that is always hell #like it takes month to even know if it will work #and then you have to figure out if it's just because you need a higher dosage #or because this medication is ineffective and you need a different one #and it's all ugh I don't want to deal with it #I'm tired of this crap I wish the mental illness would just go away #it's been 10 years #I am going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life if mom is any indication #I mean I'll do it but ugh

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prescienceofdawn · 5 months

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#cant believe itll have been seven years tomorrow #youve been on my mind so much lately #last time i saw you was the protest after the election #i wish we’d gotten more time #i wish you were here fighting with us #i wish so many things #i wish youd had the chance to go to college to fall in love again to try out new recipes to complain about traffic to listen to new music #to see your sister grow up to see everything all of it #selfishly i wish you wouldve been down to spend more time with me if youd lived. wish i couldve explained why i got distant from the group #wish i couldve explained how badly i wanted to keep talking to you and why i couldnt #i wish you couldve gone to the equity meeting i wish we couldve cried together wish we couldve bitched together #i wish so many things were different #i wonder what youd think of me now. what youd think of all of us. i wonder if you’re watching #i wonder if ill get to see you again when i die #sometimes i think i see you at work at the grocery store on the sidewalk and for a second i think maybe somehow its you #i wonder if youd come back if you could or if youd still choose death #did your pain die with you or did it follow you? i hope youre happier wherever you are #i hope your rest is so profound it outshines everything that was killing you i hope you know no one ever forgot you #i hope you know how much they all still love you how much i still care for you even though we didnt get much time together

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esaari · 2 years

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happy pride my lovelies 🏳️‍🌈 might draw an oc for the occasion ... maybe

#ramblings #if you have a suggestion feel freeeee tooooo let me know #last year i drew gabe .. i could always do a redraw of sorts to see if i've improved hmmmmmmmmmmmmm #that sounds kinda nice tbh #also life update retail keeps killing me with these 8 hour days #my body is falling apart... pains everywhere. i had to go to bed super early because it was too much lol #but anyway well rested i even cleaned today depression WHO????#also im planning to make a new oc #a demon to be exact.....#because i talked about creeds bastards now i want to make one #and once again if anyone ever wants to create a character that is creeds bastard feel free #i think that would be hilarious #yehhhee well anyway hope everyone is having a pleasant weekend #im sorry i am so absent but yknow. work and exhaustion and all that

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morerawerbreath · 9 months

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i love your blog because it shows me im not alone in enjoying the tdf in a slightly deranged way. thinking about jonas and tadej holding hands and whatnot.

thank you anon i am deranged 😌✌️ what else is tumblr for, i ask you

#tdf #anon #i am glad i have some company here!!!!!!#to all my new tdf followers…..this is the only sport i follow for 3 insane weeks once a year #so i hope you’re buckled up for artsy lit content the rest of the year #likewise to my normal followers………i love you so much your patience and fortitude during this trying time is admirable

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lonestardust · 10 months

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#Can't believe I graduated last week and that I've quit my job. I'M FREE!!!! for a while at least but I AM FREE #there are so many things I wanna do so many things I wanna get back to. fics to read posts to reblog & to reply to. little fanarts to create #also fixing my sleep schedule is on top of this list!! because surprise you can't do life when you need to fucking rest all the time #my body has been in a state of hypervigilance for the past five years because of uni and intense work #and i'm aware that chronic dysregulation takes a lot of energy to sustain..#it takes time for the body to recover and recuperate and get used to the new feeling of normalcy and safety after #running on super high levels of cortisol and adrenaline which it is NOT meant to do chronically #I'm looking forward to rest and to eat well and connect more with nature and spend carefree time under the sun #without feeling like I'm running late or that there is a shift I need not to miss #I'm looking forward to be consumed by art freely without feeling STRESSED because time is limited and I need to be doing other things #i'm excited to rewatch ls (which you do regularly!! ofc) but it's exciting that we have four whole seasons now and there is a SHIT LOAD of #gifs posts and fics i want to read and interact with and comment on!!!!#ironically i'm not really feeling good today. and there's a lot of family drama going on but good days are coming and I'm optimistic #:') hope you all have a good day. love youuuuu #about me

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the-busy-ghost · 2 years

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Bonus of daydreaming about decorating the study when I‘m away from home- I tend to underestimate how much space there is up there, so I can daydream to my heart’s content and everything I want to put in should hopefully fit

Downside of daydreaming when nowhere near the room itself- the stairwell is TINY. A human being can turn round in there and that’s about it, so anything that goes into that upstairs room has to be small enough to fit up that stair or it has to be flatpacked. And the current range of (affordable) self-assembly armchairs on the market are not necessarily the most aesthetically pleasing beasts...

#Earth & Stone #I'd hoped to even manage to squeeze a fold-down armchair bed in there so I could use it as a spare bedroom if anyone came to stay #But those things are hefty beasts and the ikea flatpack ones are sadly extremely unattractive #The rest of the house is sparsely furnished and that actually suits me (though it must look weird to visitors)#Because I don't need a lot of Stuff and though maximalism is attractive it's also a lot of stress #But that little tower room was half the reason I bought the flat so you can bet I will be making it as aesthetically pleasing as possible #I'm talking secondhand bookshop crossed with Victorian gentleman-antiquarian's study vibes #It also means I can have people in for tea and coffee and still be cosy even though it will be years before the living room gets a sofa #But I don't have enough spare beds for my family at the moment so if they're all over I was hoping that one could have my room #And I could seal myself off in the study #Which is entered by a different door to the front of the house and very cold by nature so I wouldn't put a guest in there #Hence I'm dreaming of the impossible- a flatpack armchair bed that doesn't look extremely modern and basic #I also think if there's one room that will make me feel more at home in the new house it is that one #I can lock myself in and I will be able to wear my headphones to block out my neighbours' noise #Without getting paranoid that someone will be able to sneak up on me #I really am getting quite silly about my security though #I live in perfectly normal house with normal neighbours there is no reason for me to feel this paranoid about safety #I'm fine in my bed thank goodness

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