#hopefully I don’t miss anything important

[victory-cookies]

was literally about to cry thinking about school today so I’ve decided to take a mental health day. what sucks is I feel bad doing that

[partoftheairforce]

i’m gonna sleep through the show cuz i’m too tired to stay up

[thepradapariah]

Mars ☄️ and Your Sexxx Language 🐱💋✨

QUICK MESSAGE TO THE BADDIES

HELLO!!!! To all of my sweet, sweet Kosmic Baddies, Oh!! How I’ve missed you!

I cannot believe it’s been over a FRIGGIN year, but GOODNESS….believe me, when I say this past year has been a roller coaster for me, I truly mean it. I can only imagine what’s been going on in your lives as well. Just TOO MUCH!!!1111!!!!!111!!!!!1 But welcome to 2024! A universal 8 year and the year of the Dragon!!! WE IN THIS THANNNNGGG!!!! Hard work, discipline and accountability is the theme, and we can’t lose!!!!!

Believe it or not, I actually STARTED writing this to have to you for Halloween, but ummmm….this is looking like a Valentine’s Day post instead! HA!!!! Blame it on my Saturn in Pisces– my relationship to time is….non existent. But, I think this timing is better anyways. The theme is very fitting so we are going to turn apples into oranges.

***Even funnier update, now it’s past Valentine’s Day….GOODNESS!!! This has been the longest it’s taken me to write anything. Like…INSANE. Almost 6 months I’ve been steadily working on this!

Thank you to those who have continued to support me! Thank you to those who have continued to share and interact with my post through my…let’s say, hiatus! I am planning to put more energy and effort into this blog post. I LOVE writing for y’all, it is really one of my favorite things in the world.

I am going to take a moment to apologize in advance and say, the typos are probably going to be real with this one. Because I’ve been working on it for so long, I’m just ready to get it out, so it won’t be my cleanest work. I will probably be updating and editing, so bare with me!

🕯 INTRODUCTION 🕯

Sooooo….where to start? I wanted to do something fun and interesting this go round because I missed y’all so much, but I also wanted to do something light so I could get back into the rhythm of writing again….aaaaaaaaaand I thought you would enjoy something a little smexiiiii as we move into cuddle buddy season. So, in this post, we are going to talk about Mars and Your Sexxx language.

One day, as I was driving around town, it dawned on me that we always talk about Love Languages (check out my Mercury post if you haven’t already) and we never talk about sex languages. And y’all know me, and if you don’t know, you’ll soon find out, I am a Bharani moon (atmakaraka at that); and the blending between Mars and Venus is my soul’s most valuable asset to share with the world…(Did I mention my moon is the 11th House?) Sex is one of the most taboo topics (in Western puritan culture, at least), yet such a powerful resource in our human tool box and it’s ridiculously important in our relationships. The 7th House is followed by the 8th House for a reason. Intimacy, of course not always sexual, is what leads to self-discovery, the 9th House. So we cannot overlook the important step that is sexual relations. Even the word “orgasm” means “little death” and death baby, is as close as you get to God. (See how those houses flow together so well?) Hence why things such as Tantra are a sexual AND religious experience all in one. Don’t be fooled by western/christian ideals into thinking that sex is unholy or ungodly. If you think Jesus was a virgin, think again. I mean, what’s the point of turning water into wine if you’re just going to roll over and go to sleep? Y’know what I mean?

Don’t worry! If you’re a less experienced reader, and haven’t engaged in aaaaallll thhhaattt… this post is still for you! In fact, this is one of the reasons I love astrology so much, because hopefully this post will give you some context about yourself and what your SOUL craves, not just your body, so when you do start “doing the do” you can be spiritually comfortable with your wants and desires instead of ashamed or even afraid of them.

Not to put all my business on the street…but, hey, I love y’all, so I won’t keep too many secrets from you (mercury in the 8th, HA)…but, I had to do quite a bit of bumping and grinding to discover what my soul needs in an intimate relationship and I wish there was more of “guide” for me on that journey! So HERE…I’m giving it to you!

WHAT IS A SEX LANGUAGE? 😈

To be completely honest, a “sex language” isn’t something as defined as a love language, so please, bear with me as we discover this together. Please feel free to share any experiences or insight with me. Although I may not always respond, I TRULY appreciate you taking the time to share with me. I try to read everything that I can!

I’m defining sex language as how one creates and shares intimacy in their close relationships. This is particularly expressed through physical interactions and outward expressions. Mars is a planet that governs our passions, drives and desires, meaning our sex language is guided by what we deeply want and crave from our partners on a spiritual level. Venus represents more of the external notions that we have for love and relationships, while Mars represents our internal needs from love and relationships. Mars is inherently a more personal and “self-centered” planet, so interestingly enough, your sex language is all about you! I go as far to say, when you find a partner, don’t forget to check your Mars compatibility as well. If you have extremely incompatible Mars signs, you will have to do a lot more work in the relationship to overcome the constant friction. Moreover, if you have more compatible Mars signs, then WOOOO BABY, the sexual tension could be off the charts!

✨ ABOUT MARS ✨

Mars placements won’t make or break a relationship, per say, but it is a very important layer to help maintain a relationship. How many of you have heard of sexless marriages and people being unsatisfied in their relationships in a sexual way? Does that mean the couples always break-up because of the lack of sex or chemistry? No…..But does it help a HECK OF A LOT when you are wildly attracted to your partner? YES! (Of course this isn’t always a good thing…but for the sake of this post, we are only talking about rainbows and sunshine.) Just keep this in mind as you start to use this knowledge in your journey. Mars is a really important planet that is easy to overlook because it’s not in the Big Three! (Yet, it iiissss the natural ruler of the 1st House).

WHY IT ALL MATTERS 🌚

I truly believe there is a shift in the collective and many couples are going to be coming into union over the course of the next year or so. Why? Because Ketu is FINALLY transitioning out of Libra and entering Virgo. If you’ve noticed, we’ve seen quite a bit of celebrity break-ups and covid relationships coming to a screeching halt. Hence why I say, if you’ve been single, or haven’t been in a serious connection in the last few years or even ever, now is the time that your next partner might be going through some significant ending with an ex. Union is on the horizon for a lot of souls who have been doing theeee spiritual work. That’s why I couldn’t think of a better topic to get started to set the mooooooooood. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

So without further ado, let’s get into the nitty gritty. I’m going to do something different and start with Mars in Pisces/12th House and work backwards to Mars in Aries/1st House! I thought “Hey! Why not switch it up a bit? Pisces shouldn’t be forced to scroll ALL the time!”

***Note: If you’re feeling extra spicy, you can read for whatever sign is in your 1st House and 8th House as well because those are traditionally Mars ruled Houses. And you can read for your 12H, because the 12H is also the house of bedroom pleasures! Always keep in mind that we are complex creatures and astrology is like a puzzle, so it’s okay for some things to resonate and other things to not. Learn as many perspectives as possible so you can define yourself!

With Love & Lust,

Enjoy!

A-D 💋

Mars in Pisces/Mars in the 12th House

“Cut me like a rose, turn me like a beast” Only- Ry X

If your natal Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, you may actually have a hard time knowing what your desires are. Why? Because Mars can feel as if it’s drowning in the deep spiritual waters of Pisces. Your wants can be quite dreamy. You crave a sexual experience that transcends space and time, forcing you to leave your body and touch God himself in ecstasy. (I’m a western Mars in Pisces, so…I get it). When it comes to your sex language, you want your partner to just get “you”. You don’t want to have to explain or talk or direct, you’d rather just receive and give a special type of unconditional love that knows no bounds. Because of this “boundless love”, you may actually, literally, lack boundaries. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, so we are going to focus on the positive. You are truly accepting of those who are accepting of you. Because Pisces is a mutable sign, you are willing to fit into whatever box your partner wants to put you in…and you receive great pleasure from making a deep seeded fantasy of your partner come true. You could be just as playful and imaginative when it comes to role-playing as a Gemini.

Because Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, you’ll find that a lot of partners will project their wishes and dreams onto you. Hence why you want a love that is really deep, because people can get washed away in the shallow end of your energy without ever fully realizing how deep your waters flow. This can be frustrating. And because Mars isn’t the most comfortable here, you can have some unhealthy ways of expressing your sexual frustration. Particularly if your Mars is in the 12H, you can be attracted to self-gratification through self-pleasure and also self-harm. You may even conflate the two, harm & pleasure, and have a dark side to your sexual fantasies. Your passions and desires can end up being repressed because people may not understand them, or be able to meet your high expectations. Amd babes, I love you, but just know, your expectations out of partnership are OTHERWORLDLY. But no worries!! You are SUPER DUPER freaky and almost a guaranteed partner that will go down in history books, particularly after you get comfortable in your own sensuality.

One of the things to watch out for with this Mars, is you can be passive-aggressive in the bedroom. You can take a more passive role, expecting and energetically demanding that your partner take the lead. You may not realize you even give off this energy, but the internal need that you have to dissolve into your partner, like sugar into water, can be very intense. And the gag is, sugar doesn’t really fully dissolve, so what you’re seeking can be impossible to satisfy on the earthly plane. Because of this, it is IMPERATIVE for you to have spiritual outlets within your sexual connections. It may be that you and your partner practice Tantra, or you simply pray together. With this Mars, you can absolutely use sex as a tool for manifestation. Watch your thoughts during sex, because you truly can create MAGIK!

Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th House

“I believe in aliens, I don’t believe in love” Familiarity by Teezo Touchdown

If your natal Mars is in Aquarius or the 11th House, you are something special. Why? Because out of all the signs, you are the most unique lover. I KNOW!!! How friggin’ cliche, Aquarius=Unique, blah blah blah…boring. YES! It’s said all the time, but it’s the truth. In Vedic Astrology, it is important to note that Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Rahu. This is hugely impactful as to why you are unlike anyone else. Even as you read this, you won’t be exactly like the next person reading this, because the Saturn Rahu combination can be influenced by so many different factors. Aquarians are the hardest sign to write for in general, simply because you are going to be very individualist when it comes to how you express yourself. Now, all that being said, you still crave, very deeply, a sense of belonging. So please, don’t ever take for granted how special you are. If someone is lucky enough to break through your hard exterior, they really are in for an extraterrestrial experience!

Because Mars is in an air sign here, you may or may not be the most sensual and/or sexual person on the planet. You could be. But you could not be. And that is the gift…or curse…of this Mars placement. I have Mars in Aquarius myself, and I remember reading an article that said “this placement can be infuriating to your partner because you are so nonchalant.” And I can definitely say I’ve lost relationships because the other party assumed I was disinterested because I wasn’t the most expressive when it came to my emotions. It’s important to remember that Mars in Aquarius/11H is actually a neutral placement. It isn’t a death sentence or the worst thing on the planet, but it’s not necessarily the best. So don’t be too hard on yourself if your partners don’t understand you very easily. You will just have to do more work to learn how to communicate and accommodate in your relationships. This may be something that follows you throughout life…and forget your partner….it could be infuriating to you! BUT NO WORRIES! Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th house is usually more concerned with developing and nurturing friendships, which seems to contradict the more lustful side of Mars. Longing for friendship and connection versus longing for sensual pleasure and connection can be seen as two different things.

What Mars in Aquarius/11H wants more than anything is L. O. Y. A. L. T. Y. Because this Mars placement can grant so much freedom, it is imperative for the person with this placement to feel safe and secure in the sexual relationship they are building. This is NOT to be confused with possession. Expecting loyalty from a partner isn’t the same as feeling as if you own your partner. You believe that your partner should have freedom to express and live their life the way they want to, and you expect the same in return. However, you do expect your partner to consider you when they make their decisions in life. It is very much “give a dog a bone, leave a dog alone, let a dog roam and he’ll find his way home” (S/o DMX, may he rest in peace). Meaning, in your sexual language, you want your space and privacy, but you want to feel a belonging no matter how far away you are from your partners.

NOW, for the fun stuff. You are one of the most explorative lovers on the planet. You may have a “the more the merrier” type attitude and be interested in group smexii time or oragies. You may have a dream to experience Amsterdam and the Red Light District. The beauty in having your Mars in an air sign/house is that you can remain detached from the sexual experience and partner– therefore, you may not experience jealousy because you aren’t super possessive. Again, you’re all about freedom baby!!! You may also have some pretty “far-out” kinks. You may be interested in different genders, or same gender, or mix gender or no gender or latex or pantyhoes or dress up or furries or hentai or tentacle porn….and if you’re not into it, chances are you will at least click a questionable link or two. You don’t carry the same shame as others do when it comes to what turns you on sexually. You don’t like anything boring or too routine, so your search history could be a bit…odd….BUT HEY!!! As long as it’s not hurting anyone or anything and pleasure is being derived from all parties involved, then let adults do what adults do is kind of your attitude.

Friendship is the key to your heart…and to your…uh…biological box….lol. When it comes to long-term relationships, I can bet my bottom dollar that you’re far more interested in the friendship aspects than the inherent relationship drama. When your friends ask “why are you still dealing with them”, you will follow up with “well, we are friends before anything else.” And you mean that deeply. The really funny thing is…on the other hand, you are also very likely to get down with complete strangers and never think about it again. You can hook-up and detach with the best of them, or your loyalty to a confidant can keep you in a relationship for a very long time…it. Just. depends.

The one thing that is true about your sex language, is that you speak ALL different kinds. When you look back at your life and your experiences, if you are more of an adventurous Aquarian, lets say you have a lot of air and fire in your chart, you will most likely have all kinds of stories from all different people and places. You will be one of the most interesting partners and friends to talk to about all the mixed bags of experiences that you’ve had..which is awesome. If your Mars in Aquarius/11H is paired with a more “earthy” sign or even water, you will most likely have a rom-com type love thing happening…that tugging “will they/won’t they” energy at the beginning of relationships, only to fall head over heals with the “guy/gal next door”. You may also find your sexual partners online, in a group setting or be hooked up by natural friends. “How’d you meet?” “Oh, I heard from a friend of a friend that that d*ck is a ten out of ten!”

Mars in Capricorn or Mars in the 10th House

“My vicious love, My lethal heart, I wanna screw you up into me” - Bad Bad Bad by Ramsey

If your natal Mars is in Capricorn or in the 10th House, then your sexual language is money, money…and….uh….more money. I kid, I kid…but not really. It would be easy and predictable for me to say you just lust after money, but it goes much deeper than that. Believe it or not, Mars is actually exalt in Capricorn, so, you couldn’t have a better Mars placement. Your natural ruler Saturn and Mars truly are the best of friends. And if you’re familiar with Tarot, then you know The Devil represents Capricorn energy and The Devil is all about seduction and temptation. Unlike some of the more dreamy Mars placements like Pisces/12H or Cancer 4H that use their sexual language as an escape from reality, or the detached air placements like Gemini/3H or Aquarius/11H, who are too aloof to harness Mars’ energy, YOU my Capricorn/10H individuals are acutely aware of how powerful the nature of sex can be…and most importantly, how it can be used to your advantage.

To the average person on the street, you may not seem like the super sexual type. You prefer a sophisticated lover to a “cute” one, so people can assume that your standards are too high. And perhaps, your standards are high, because you understand the value of your presence and your time. In fact, you HATE wasting time, so why would you waste time on lovers who don’t bring anything to the table? Sadly, for most of the public, they won’t ever have the experience to be with a Capricorn/10H Mars because quite frankly, they can’t afford it.

Funnily enough, I’m sure as you’ve been reading this, you’re like “dang…am I that shallow?” And the answer is yes and no. You’re shallow because we live in a shallow world– and you know in order to survive it, you have to use what you got to get what you want. The other side of this is, you’re not shallow at all because you are willing to work and discipline yourself and sacrifice for those that you truly care about. There is such a depth to you in the long run, that it makes sense that you make it really difficult for people to get to you. Because you know and I know, once you’ve committed to someone, you’ve committed for as long as you possibly can. Your sexual language is all about stamina and endurance. This is true in and and out of the bedroom. As an earth sign/house, you are a sensual being. You enjoy each and every bit of romance that you can get. A nice meal, some good perfume, dressed to the nines is all considered foreplay to you. You entice your partners with a certain dignified class and only the brave will approach. In your younger years, you could find this extremely frustrating at times because men will really have to get their sh*t together before they can even THINK to approach you on that level. But the more that you use your Mars to get you where you want to be in life, partners will follow behind you and constantly buzz around as if you are the Queen Bee and they are mere workers for your attention.

Funnily enough, you are quite the heart-breaker with this Mars placement. Because you are so focused on your goals outside of love, and yet, you can crave sensual pleasures, you will be very direct with a partner, but they may not be aware of how serious you take yourself. How can this manifest? Let’s say you meet a partner and everything is groovy, but you are working on a big project for work, you’re working on a degree of some kind, or you’ve said you won’t rest until you make partner at the big company…unlike other Mars placements, you won’t let romance sway you or take you off track. You are probably the best example of “right person, wrong time”. You don’t have as much of an issue as other signs walking away from a situation that is distracting you from your more worldly desires. This can leave people utterly confused, because you seem like a perfect partner, but honestly, you’re just not focused on aaaalll the drama that can come with fully committed relationships. People may actually take this energy and say that you’re a player…or worse…a floozy (one of my favorite words lol, definitely needs to make a comeback). You actually aren’t. You will be one of the most committed partners they could find, but if it’s not the right time…it just ain’t happening. So your partners will have to maintain some level of patience or they will miss out. On the other hand, because Mars is a planet of extremes, you may go through periods in life where you are celebate. It may take you awhile to stop channeling that Martian ambitious energy into your career and put it towards your sexuality. That being said, you will enjoy the more sensual side of sex. You could have great stamina and endurance. Because sex may not come around as often as you’d like, you will learn to savor every drop of your partners and please them in a calculated, thoughtful and masterful way! How smeeexxxiiiiiii!!!!!

Mars in Sagittarius or Mars in the 9th House

“I’ve been everywhere, man, looking for someone. Someone who can please me, love me all night long” Where Have You Been by Rihanna

If your natal Mars is in Sagittarius or the 9th House, your sexual language is that of many languages. You fall in love with the exotic, unknown and unexplored. You like your partners like James Bond likes his cars– foreign. You appreciate partners who expand your understanding of reality. Your partners have to expand your mind…and body…into positions that you never thought were possible. If you don’t attract partners who are of a different race, culture or class from you, then you will be attracted to partners who are otherworldly and spiritual or are just as serious about their religious beliefs as you are. Like Mars in Pisces/12H, your planet is ruled by the planet Jupiter, aka Guru. You NEED to learn from your partner. You NEED to explore with your partner. And you NEED to be able to teach your partners something as well. “I wanna know…can you show me…I wanna know about the strangers like me”...It’s giving…Tarzan and Jane. I have Mars in the 9th House, and it has manifested in a very fun way! So with my bias, I believe that this can be one of the more fun placements if you just go with the flow. Unlike other Mars placements, you don’t necessarily feel the need to control your partners. You’d much rather experience them, learn the lesson and move on to the next new shiny thing. Much like your brother, Gemini, you are equally as invested in getting the knowledge and seeking more knowledge. You of all signs are unlikely to overstay your welcome in a relationship. You can come off quite restless and unsatisfied…UNLESS you are just fascinated and enamored with an individual.

You can find yourself attracted to people who have accents, or speak a different language than you. But you will be even more turned on by someone who shares the same religious beliefs as you. You may actually be willing to convert religions for your partner OR, and this is more likely, you have a partner who is a different religion than you are, and instead of being ashamed by it, or making it an obstacle, you embrace it– ultimately respecting their religion, while maintaining the traditions of your own.

You will naturally desire to travel with your partner. Making some of your favorite memories in life when you made-love in some far off land. If the sentence, “I made love to a Frenchman I met while eating a baguette at the local cafe under the Eiffel tower and I’ll never see him again, but he’s the love of my life” turns you on…congratulations, you’re in the right spot.

This Mars placement is fueled by your deepest desire to see the world and its deepest truth, and then just imagine how much you can learn about the world through the lens of an intimate partner. Your sexual language, like I said earlier, involves language in and of itself. You want to hear the stories of distants lands, fascinated by the foreign nature of your divine counterpart. You will want to be intimate with partners who can speak for hours and hours about their adventures and endeavors. You need to be intrigued at the very least.

I also find that with this placement, there may be an age difference in your relationships. You either will be attracted to someone who is much older and wiser, OR, interesting enough, you could find yourself with someone younger. Why is this? You will appreciate a person who still has zest for life. You will be equally attracted to partners who are bright eyed and bushy tailed! Plus, I know I’ve talked a lot about your partner entertaining and teaching you, but the truth of the matter is, you will want to be as much of a sage to your partner as well. You will enjoy teaching them the ways of life and the pursuit of happiness. They will look to you with eyes of wonder as you paint beautifully vivid pictures of your life experiences that have shaped your view of the world.

Another element to this Mars placement, is you are one to challenge authority. This may manifest in your sex language by liking to explore BDSM culture in some way. Because this Mars is all about freedom, you may be turned on by the thought of your partner controlling you…just so you can say no. You can come off as a “well, make me”...kind of lover when it comes to foreplay. You love a challenge and you like partners who challenge you in some way when it comes to living out your sexual fantasies. Another way this may come out is you AND your partner may have a knack for getting into trouble or enjoying sex with some kind of risk involved. You get off being able to sneak away for a quickie. You’ll have sex in the backseat of a car. Joining the mile club is definitely on your bucket list…all the things! Because you are such a rebel, you tell stories that have “normies” clutching their pearls and leave their mouths open. You want to have memorable sex that is worth writing a book about!!!

I can not drive home enough how spiritual your sexual relationships have the potential to be. You are not a shallow lover. You are a lover full of wonder and full of lust…wanderlust…if you will. Sagittarius/9H is a very serious zodiac/house. You're destined to seek truth– so your sexual partners HAVE to enlighten you in some way. You don’t want to get stuck in the mundane, boring stuff of a relationship, (and please, don’t get too carried away, because we do live on planet earth!) you want to experience shrooms, talk about God and make love in the forest! Smexxiiii!!!!

Mars in Scorpio or Mars in the 8th House

“Every breath you take, every move you make, every smile you fake, every single day, I’ll be watching you” Every Breath You Take by Sting

Okay, okay, it would be all too easy to say your love language is stalking, and more stalking and even more stalking, but…that’s only a small fraction of what this Mars placement has to offer. If your natal Mars is placed in Scorpio or in your 8th House, your sexual language is that of raw passion and intensity. That being said, it is also about restraint and self-restriction, and sometimes self destruction. I tend to find Scorpionic energy and 8H energy to be radically internal. You, actually, may not be the most expressive lover. You are more comfortable waiting, studying and planning to pursue a lover, rather than going in full force. Because Mars is your natural ruler, Mars is more than comfortable here, but unlike your brother sign, Aries, you are more of the “planning” part of war, rather than action. This is the strategy of self-defense more than anything. You don’t want to walk into an intimate situation to be intimate yourself, you want to extract vulnerability from your partner like a detective solving a murder crime. Your sex language is more of a riddle than a question. And you would like a partner who intrigues you and leaves a lot of mystery. In my many many years of dating, and many many encounters with Scorpionic energy (I attract them like flies…it’s crazy) I always find that Scorpios are nowhere near as mysterious or hard to figure out as they perceive. Behind all that black and dark stares and gazed is usually a pretty pretty boring, but shy person. There is such a caution with this sign when it comes to acting on those very deep and sometimes all consuming desires, so you are very careful to not put yourself in harm's way. Another hot take that I have on this placement that may seem a bit contradictory to the Scorpionic stereotype is YES YES YES, you are smexxxxiiii and all of the things, but that doesn’t necessarily make you the most sexual person. You take intimacy and sexy very seriously, more seriously than most, because for you intimacy and vulnerability can be used against you and be seen as a weakness, so you are hard pressed to just be going around willy-nilly swinging from partner to partner. You also view sex/intimacy as more of a “power” thing than a “love” thing. And what do I mean by that? You know that deep intimacy and truly being intertwined with another individual gives you an unreal amount of access to that person on a personal and spiritual level. It is always important to remember where Scorpio/8H lines up in the grand scheme of things. It follows the Libra/7H of partnership. The 8H is actually the house that dictates how a relationship will play out. This. Is. Imperative. To understand this placement. You are far more focused on how the partnership plays out, rather than the partnership itself. Again, unlike your predecessor, Libra, who is ruled by Venus and may be more interested in the looks of a relationship and romantic partner. Your sexual language is more interested in the psychology of your partner. You don’t care nearly as much about the outside as you do the inside. What draws you to your partner is a need to access the ultimate truths through your partners. Hence why, you are followed by Sagittarius/9H of Truth and Liberation. Your sex language involves restraint, power and hidden truths.

As I said before, it may be really difficult for you at times to truly connect with your partners because your energy can demand sooooo much from them. You will require partners to go through such depths in their relationship with you, that they may not be able to handle it. And on the other side of that, you may stay away from relationships because you may mistakenly feel like it brings out some of your “worst” qualities. With this Mars, you may go through a very intense relationship when you’re young, one where you give your all, I mean…you would kill or be killed for those you love, and because that relationship fails, you may never want to experience those types of lows again and stay away. You are one of the most loyal of the Mars placements, so you are very careful to study who exactly you are giving your loyalty to. I recommend with this placement, you may find yourself oddly attracted to Aquarian/11H energy. It sounds weird, water and air, but in this case, Aquarian energy is endlessly fascinating because they are so unorthodox, you will never truly figure them out, so you’re constantly intrigued by them. Aquarians also value loyalty the same way you do. They will allow you the freedom that you need to sit in your own emotions, but value the friendship in such a way, you won’t feel abandoned by them. Even if the people you are attracted to don’t have Aquarius in their chart, I think that quality is something you should consider when looking into intimate partners. It is probably the partner who gives you the most space and it is the hardest to figure out, that will give you the most in life. If you have a partner that is easy to conquer, not only will you be bored, but you can easily slip into those darker energies of control and manipulation to get you way…even when it’s unnecessary.

AAALLLL that said, you are still a hell of a lover! I mean…wow. You intricately know how to please and conquer. You use sex as a language itself when you’re ready and willing. And man, do you have a way with words. You can easily hypnotize a lover to fall under your command, so be careful with this gift. You are more than comfortable in this arena once you move past your fears in the subconscious. You can channel this energy, much like the exalt Mars in Capricorn to succeed with some of your greatest ambitions. You will put your sexual energy into your work and projects in a way like no other! Just don’t take everything so seriously! It’s okay to have a good time. Be intimate and open up some! You’ll enjoy getting your head out of the sand!

Mars in Libra or Mars in the 7th House

“What a rush & what a high, cause when your love don’t fight, smoke gets in your eyes” Smoke In Your Eyes by Skepta, Ossie, Harry Stone

If you came to this section thinking that I was going to talk about how sweet and balanced you are when it comes to your sexual language…THINK. AGAIN. BABE. You are nothing of the sort. Seems contradictory, huh? Because Libra/7H is all about balance, right? Well…not when it comes to this Mars placement.

If you have your natal Mars in Libra or the 7th House, you are quite the spicy lover. To be completely honest, Mars is VERY uncomfortable here. Why? Because Libra is naturally ruled by the planet Venus, which is essentially the opposite frequency of Mars. I like to think of Mars and Venus as the brother and sister planets of the Milky way. Traditionally ruled by Ares and Aphrodite in Greek mythology respectively, they are technically half-siblings. So when you think of this Mars placement, this of how a girlie-girl would feel surrounded by all boys at a football camp. Sure, she may attract a lot of attention and she may have plenty of options…but she will CERTAINLY have to set clear boundaries to command the respect she deserves, as well as deal with the fact that no one around her may have the same interest. See how this can be uncomfortable? It’s not the worst thing to happen, but it can cause you to feel like you have to play the field a little bit differently because of Mars being in the House of Libra.

Okay, so now that we covered why this placement might be different than what you were imagining, let’s get into what this post is actually about!

If you have this natal placement, your sex language is all about breaking up to make-up. Because you’re on this constant quest of seeking balance, YOU will subconsciously or consciously seek chaos in order to regain balance. Your indecisive and somewhat aloof nature in relationships can be a source of frustration when it comes to your sexual expression with your lovers. If you have Mars in your 7H, you genuinely LOVE conflicts and attract conflicts to your relationships. You can be quite passive aggressive, honestly, and stir the pot to get attention. AAALLLL this being said, you still enjoy the finer things and love the idea of love, even though you may not have the most direct way of going about it. Your partners may even find you hard to read, and this can frustrate you, because your wishy-washy-ness is so innate to you, you may have a tendency to think that everyone is as back and forth with decision making as you are.

Ironically, more so than any of the previous placements I have discussed before, I will focus more on what sexual language you like from your partner rather than yourself. Of course, you like good food, good wine, good clothes, good banter, good company…you have Libra, like DUH, but I want to offer a different perspective on this placement.

So when it comes to your partners, you truly like a partner who takes charge, regardless of sex. You crave a level of masculinity and directness in your love language because as I stated earlier, it can be difficult for you to make decisions for yourself. You overemphasize how people will perceive you, and this can cause you to stunt your decision making, so you’ll find yourself craving a partner who can be unabashedly unapologetic in their approach to life. You seek partners who are brave and courageous and you will find yourself testing anyone you fall in love with to see if they have that spark of passion in them. You may find yourself seeking different things from different people, so you may have multiple lovers– and just like how it may take you forever to pick out your outfit in the morning, it may take you forever to figure out what you value in a partner. It is important to note that Libra/7H energy is indeed a masculine energy. I’m sure most would assume it’s feminine because of the “sophisticated” and charismatically social nature usually associated with Libras, but when it comes to sexual relationships, Taurus/2H energy is the feminine side of Venus. Libra energy in this way is more detached than people would think. As stated earlier, because you enjoy dates, chatting, getting to know people, you may be a really good casual dater! This could send mixed messages to potential lovers because you may have never really had any intention of dating them long-term– or, you really just haven’t decided yet. Now are we starting to see how this Mars placement can attract certain conflict? You will desire and crave a partner that can make decisions for you. This may lead to some kinkiness in the bedroom because you’re open to compromise and you can be bossed around in this regard.

Overall your sexual language is complex because of the inherent contradiction of this natal placement. You can make this work in your favor as long as you keep open communication with your partner, even if it’s to tell them that you need some more time before you’re comfortable making any lasting decisions. When you date, you will have to allow your partners to understand your up & down nature. Most people will probably take your pragmatic nature personally, so if you can find a way to channel this into being sexually playful with your lovers, it can be a great way to keep romance fun and interesting. As stated in the beginning, you are most likely to end up in an on-again-off-again kind of relationship because you like for the scales to be tipped, so you can rebalance them. You are far more detached in commitments than most people would assume, so it is essential for you to date like-minded people who understand that your coldness is not a reflection on your feelings. You choose to remain objective in your judgements and seek fairness in your relationships—even if you are the one who was unfair to begin with! Kiss it kiss it better baby!!!!

Mars in Virgo or Mars in the 6th House

“I got commitment issues, but I’m tryna fix that for you…I don’t believe in love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t take you serious” Commitment Issues by Central Cee

With Mars in Virgo or the 6th House, you may be surprised to find how non-committal you are when it comes to relationships. Why? Because you find relationships to be impractical. So when it comes to your sexual language, you are quite all over the place. Lovers can find you hard to catch, almost like trying to keep a fairy in a jar. You prefer to flutter around and keep things light in the sexual department. To you, sex can scream responsibility. After all, sex can be a pretty risky and dirty affair. All the fluid exchange and, ultimately, the required vulnerability, can make you quite uneasy. With this Mars placement, you can go between the two extremes of putting too much emphasis on sex or not enough emphasis at all. This is due to the natural ruler of Virgo/6H being Mercury, which, I find to be, an asexual planet. You are more interested in the intellectual connection than the physical connection.

BUT PLEASE, don’t get me wrong! You know you’re way around the bedroom. Your sexual language is constantly evolving. You do well with long-term partners that you can trust, study and get to know. You prefer a lover that is loyal, so you don’t have to worry about where they’ve been, or better yet, who they’ve been with. You find joy in repetition with one partner. OR, you are really open to “protected” one-night stands. You are either all in or all out. You don’t like to waste time on sexual relationships that you don’t see a return for a long-term investment. That being said, if you are unable to invest in the long-term, you can find yourself in a position of sexual frustration. You may really desire a person, but because of your deep need for perfection first, you may stall connections & find a lot of pleasure in masturbation for the time being. You, like your opposite sign, Pisces, can really get into your fantasies. You may find that erotica and romance novels can be great resources to pass the time while you likely toil between celibacy and being a whore (this is particularly funny to me because Virgos are known for being the Virgins of the zodiac– hence the contradiction in Mars in Virgo. The planet of sex and desire ruled by a “Virgin” is, uh….a difficult juxtaposition to say the least.) – again, it’s all about mental stimulation with you.

When you do meet a partner that you can FINALLY settle down and feel comfortable with, you will be a very giving lover. Because Virgo energy is usually associated with servitude, you better believe that you will make it your duty to service the object of your affection. You care very deeply about the satisfaction of your partner— far more than you care about your own. As stated earlier, you don’t mind finishing up solo as long as your partner is satisfied. You will find every nook and cranny, every deep desire, every love spot that your partner has, because you will analyze their body with astute detail. You will break your partner’s sexual language down and adapt it to be your own, because after all, you are a mutable sign. As well as being an earth sign, you do have a very deep sensual nature to you. Although you can come across as quite guarded with new partners, once you blossom, you really enjoy heavy petting and physical touch. You can spend so much time in your head and alone with your thoughts in other aspects of your life, you may find it very powerful to have a partner that literally grounds you and brings you back to planet Earth by holding you in their arms. Again, after you’ve bent over backwards (pun intended) to please your partner, you, more than any other sign, except maybe Leo, really needs to be acknowledged and celebrated for your hard work. You don’t take kindly to being undervalued or under appreciated when it comes to your romantic relationships in this context.

Believe it or not, this placement can actually be quite kinky! Why? Because of the influence of Mercury again. As stated before, you want to learn your partner’s as well as you possibly can to make sure you are seen as perfect in their eyes– sooooo, that means you’ll have some exploring to do. Mercury is such a curious planet, that it may not be kinky for the sensual pleasures of it all, but it will be interested in testing out sex & kinks for “research purposes”. This can give you a sort of detached feeling when it comes to sex, which may or may not work in your favor– you’re able to disassociate in a way that makes sex almost an out of body experience…it may take you some time to actually feel pleasure from sex. You are so focused on the other and pleasing your partner, you can forget that sex is supposed to be a two way street! I just want to reiterate, that this placement is so mutable, that you may find yourself pretty ambivalent towards sex at different times in your life. You’re kind of like “eh”. But there is hope, when you find a partner that lights your fire– you will find yourself wanting sex like a child wants candy! There is plenty of potential here for a beautifully active and engaging sex life– it just may take more time to develop than others.

Learn your own kinks! Have fun! Explore the more sensual side of life for yourself!

Anyone who is able to win you over (which is NOT an easy feat by any means) will be able to revel in the fact that you are such a wonderful lover! But don’t forget, sex is not a test that you can get an A + in, it’s supposed to be the culmination and celebration of it all!

Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House

“She may be the queen of hearts, but I’m the queen of your body parts” - Cockiness, Rihanna

If you have Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House, you are Britney Spears, all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus, bay-bee. You LOVE to put on a show. Your sexual language can make love-making a spectacle! You’re over the top, you’re loud, you roar. You LOVE LOVE LOVE the attention. So much so, you may not even need sex to fulfill that internal desire for you. Huh? What do I mean? I mean, you may be satisfied using your creative gifts for sexual gratification. Chances are with this placement, you are highly creative and charismatic. You find sensual pleasure in being able to share your creative gifts with other people. Haven’t you heard of entertainers saying they had so much fun on stage, it was orgasmic? That’s where you come in.

Ironically, I don’t naturally find this placement to be the most sexual. Don’t get me wrong, you are DOWN DIGGITY for a good time, but you really use sex as an ego booster. You may even be quite lazy in the bedroom. You could easily live by the code “my present is my presence” and be a dazzling pillow princess. This isn’t a bad thing, and it definitely doesn’t have to be the case all the time! When you’re turned on, you’re turned on, but when you’re just casually engaging in sex, or are in a long-term commitment, you may feel like sex is something that is owed to you. Not in a weird entitled way, but more like a Queen sitting on a chaise lounge being fed grapes– like, “duh, you should have sex with me, I’m beautiful”, type energy. This, if you haven’t been able to guess already, can lead to a selfish attitude in the love-making department. You must remember that sometimes, your partner wants to be catered to as well. That being said, you won’t shy away from Valentine’s Day. You are the type to go all out! You’ll put on the lingerie. You’ll lay out the rose petals on the bed. You’ll pay extra for that honeymoon suite. OR, you will expect your partner to do all of this without you asking. You treat holidays and sex as if it’s a royal affair.

Due to your standards being so high, I cannot express to you enough that you may really put all your sexual energy into your creative pursuits until you find a lover of high-value and high sex drive. You love and somewhat need to feel desired in order to break down your walls. You don’t play hard to get– you ARE hard to get, so this may leave you with extended periods of non-sexual activities. You are more than willing to give up sexual pleasure for your own personal pursuits– in fact, you are more likely to do that if you have specific career goals.

You may be a tad bit surprised at my interpretation of Mars in Leo, perhaps you were assuming it would be a bit spicier, but I challenge you to look at your ruler, the Sun (yes, the actual burning ball of fire in the sky) . Not literally…well, you can, but make sure you wear sun-glasses. But in all seriousness, the Sun shines alone. The Sun is too hot to let anything near it, and it carries such a gravitational pull, that things simply orbit around it, but can never get too close. With Mars in Leo/5th House, you may find yourself in this position when it comes to your sexual nature. You attract a lot of people towards you, but they are unable to get too close, for fear they will burn up in your presence. Or, you shine so bright, you are forced to do it alone. Being the Sun and the center of the Universe is a hard job, but ultimately an isolating job. Your being, your creative gifts, your star power and the way you shine can cast such a shadow on those who dare come near you. It really can be one of the most challenging placements because you probably won’t understand why people can’t/don’t come near you. Again, you’re just soooo great, people can have an overwhelming and unrealistic ideal of what it will take to make you happy. It’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s flattering, but on the other hand, you can suffer from being put so high up on a pedal stool that you never asked for!

One tip for you, is to keep your hair beautiful and lushes! People will be attracted to your wild side and want to bring that out of you. You can either really love having your hair pulled or be turned off by it because you spend so much time making it look perfect. Either way, your hair may be an essential part of foreplay for you and something that suitors may find undeniably sexy.

As long as you are mindful to share the spotlight from time to time and not always prioritizing your needs & your desires, you can be a remarkably loyal partner. Fierce is the word that comes to mind and you can be very fierce in the bedroom. (When you want to be.) You can outshine any of the competition. Most people truly can’t hold a candle to you when it comes to how committed you are in an intimate relationship. You are proud and you protect those that are around you and that you deem worthy. You have a royal air that surrounds you and it loudly and proudly screams `bow down bitches' when it's time to get down and dirty!

Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th House

“Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, you like your girls insane” Born to Die- Lana Del Rey

If you have Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th house, ironically, your sex language involves a knack of overwhelming emotional destruction. Dramatic, yes, yes, I know, but very true. Mars is VERY uncomfortable in the deep waters of Cancer/4H. Mars in the 4th House, in particular, is a naturally difficult placement because it sits in the House of happiness, as well as aspects the 7th House of partnership and the 11th House of friendship– making that native, uh, a little difficult to deal with. Why? Because your emotions can be so erratic and illogical, it can be difficult for people to understand what you want. Heck, you probably don’t understand what you want most of the time. I promise I’ll get to the good stuff, but keep in mind that this Mars placement is in detriment! (It’s exalted in Capricorn, the opposite sign.) So when it comes to your sexual language, you value such a deeply emotional commitment from your partner, you could constantly try to test them by pushing their emotional boundaries.

There is a mixture of pleasure and pain. You love an emotional outburst– this can be good and sexy, or bad and scary. Emotionally bonding make-up sex, is your cup of tea…ESPECIALLY if you are the one who caused the “break-up” in the first place. You truly enjoy engaging with your partner in a loving way, when you can, but because Mars is so unstable here, it can be hard for you to maintain emotional consistency within long-term relationships. You can find that your passions wax and wane for your partner. Sometimes, you just want to run into their arms and kiss them in the pouring rain, other times, you want them to LEAVE YOU DAFUQ ALONE. This can be quite jarring to your intimate partners, but also to yourself. I recommend embracing this quality and being as honest as possible! Instead of literally creating a sh*t storm in order to be left alone, just communicate to your partner that you need a little space from time to time. But also be willing to give your partner that same courtesy and grace if they ask for the same.

You can feel a need to wrap yourself up in your partner's desires. It may come from a genuine place, but because Mars is an aggressive planet, you may be quite aggressive in how you demonstrate your love to your partner because your deepest desire is to be able to emotionally control them. This can manifest in an extremely emotionally manipulative way through passive aggressiveness and just causing overall uneasiness within your dynamics and partnerships. One of the lovely sides about this particular placement, is when you mature, you can have an extremely high emotional I.Q. Because you are naturally very sensitive to your surroundings, you can literally sense the emotional and physical needs of your partner without them having to say a word. You can be so emotionally intune with your lovers, it can feel like telepathy if they need anything from you. You just know, y’know?

In the bedroom, you can go from one extreme to another. Sometimes you want to be dominant, and sometimes you want to be dominated. It is important for your lovers to be able to ride your waves and learn what is needed from them at any given moment. Again, Mars is all about conquest. So when Mars is in the 4H in particular, you want to be able to be the leader in your home, but you also want someone who can take the reins when necessary. Again, this can be a difficult balance to strike within your sexual relationships because people may not understand the method behind the madness, typically because there really isn’t a method…it’s just kind of madness AND THAT’S OKAY!

Because Mars is so uncomfortable here, it is imperative for you to be able to channel your energy in creative ways or you can fall victim to your own emotional tirades. You want a clear line of communication with anyone you are interested with and they absolutely need to have some emotional intelligence or else they will drown in your water. You don’t want to suffocate your lovers with so much emotional intensity, that you both are unable to remain somewhat grounded in the chaos. You of all people understand just how powerful emotions and sex can be together, so be careful to use it wisely!!! When done right, you can have anyone wrapped around your finger.

Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House

“Talk is cheap my darling, when you’re feeling right at home. I wanna make you move with confidence. I want to be with you alone” Talk is Cheap by Chet Faker

If you have Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House, then you are all about an intellectual connection when it comes to your sexual language. You want to catch viiibbbeezzz. You want to be razzle-dazzled with the lingo. You want someone hip, cool, in the know…because, well, you’re hip, cool & in the know, y’know? It’s only fitting that your partner be the same. You, of all placements, may truly crave “your other half”. And I know, I know, we live in a world now, where people are saying “you are a whole person and you’re looking for another whole person yadayadayada…”, but you’re a TWIN. You want to be able to connect with someone as if you share the same brain, the same thoughts, the same…everything. This isn’t to say that you’re not sexual…you just enjoy mental jousting for foreplay. Think of how beautiful the dance between two evenly matched fencing partners is– the ebb and flow of tension – playing both parts of the aggressor and the defender– gliding almost effortlessly with a weapon in hand. It’s like the tango…but with swords. That’s how you envision your love. Beautiful art, yet dangerous. You may not be the most sensual lover at first, but in time you will certainly warm up. Why? Because at the very least, you are a curious partner! You. Want. To. Explore. You may be the type of lover to want to try almost anything once. You want to be surprised. You don’t want your bedroom to be boring. You resent repetitiveness and you welcome new experiences. You may even fall into the “switch my wig, make ‘em feel like he cheating” category. You like to switch up your look, your style…sexual positions (lol). This can even translate into role play! (Especially teacher/student).

I cannot express to you enough how much learning from your partner turns you on. You love asking questions & consider getting to know someone a conquest. The more difficult the puzzle, the more you yearn to solve it and this type of stimulation oozes over into your sexual pleasure. You’re curious to know what your lover’s love. You can have an objective perception of sex, because you aren’t the most naturally emotional person, so you can look at the love making process as getting to know every nook and cranny of a partner’s body– learning what makes them tick & “ick”. You become more emotionally open with a partner, the more confident that you are that you know them. You like learning, but you don’t like unpleasant surprises. This may be counter intuitive, but I find that after you go through your “lemme try any & everything era”, you will genuinely enjoy one partner. It will make you feel secure and like you have that missing piece in life. You don’t come across as the most committal type, but when you do commit, you commit fr fr, you just need a certain level of freedom in life to continue to expand your horizons far past the mundane in life.

Another element you may add to your sexual reservoir is……drugs. “DON’T DO DRUGS, KIDS & STAY IN SCHOOL”...alright, there is my disclaimer. Now back to what I was saying, you may be curious to try mind-expanding drugs & smex. Because you can be so cerebral, drugs like ecstacy can help you actually feel your body. The tingle will start from your subconscious mind, and venture into your conscious body, possibly making love-making a more pleasurable experience. If this doesn’t interest you, don’t worry, no pressure! Just making a note that this placement is more likely to think outside of the box when it comes to making their sex lives thrilling and exciting! Not saying that vanilla sex is boring…just saying in general. You do you!

Overall, this is a curious placement. It’s a fun placement, but it can be an extremely flighty placement in the beginning. Don’t let your fear of getting stuck, stop you from finding a true partner that you can really see the world with. You can find that “other half”, that “twin soul” that really knows how to light a fire in you and warm your cold cold cold gemini heart. In your moments of passion, you will prefer to keep things fun and light. Only when someone truly captures your mind, can they capture your body and soul! SEXYYYYYY!!!!

Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House

“People stop to ask me, how do you please your man? Take it from the black sheep baby, any way I can. Sometimes it’s with fire and sometimes, with ice…Just don’t get it twisted, his body’s gunna pay the price.”

- Rock My Boy’s Body by Joseph Stephens

If you have Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House your sexual language is about sensuality, sexuality, & seduction. You believe in making love an all encompassing experience and you will stop at nothing to make sure your partners have an all exclusive pass to your BO-DAY. IF it is earned. Because Taurus is naturally slow moving energy, you may be slow to open up. As I’ve studied astrology for years now…I’ve come to realize that Taurus energy is just as private and cautious and it’s opposite sign, Scorpio. If you have this placement, you feel the need to study your lovers and you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait before you make your move. But if you are able to wrap them in your warm embrace…you won’t want to let go and they won’t want you to either.

Like Leo, when it comes to your sexual language, you believe in putting on a show. But your show is subtle, quaint and slow burning. You will have the candles burning, the scented lotion and fresh out the shower smell, you will have the most luxurious sheets on the most comfortable mattress. You don’t believe in cutting corners when it comes to your comfort and whoever is lucky enough to wind up in your bed, simply gets to enjoy how you live your life. I could bet you have an impeccable taste in music and truly know how to set the tone when it comes to seduction. As stated before, you are able to create a world of pure pleasure for those you love and make them spell-bound to you, because chances are, they haven’t been able to match with a sexual partner who cares so much about the details of ALL 6 senses. (I’m including intuition because, y’know, I’m a tarot and an astrology girlie.) For example, I dated this guy with heavy taurus placements a few years ago. I very much remember and very much miss this awesome TV room that he made for himself. Instead of having a regular degular couch, he had a couch that was also a bed. It wasn’t a couch that converted into a bed….it was just a couch that had a bed in it…and massive 70 inch television mounted on the wall. When I TELL you, I wanted to marry that man because….UGH!!! I was so comfortable! I could melt into the floor when I was with him. And I have YET to be with anyone who has a room set up quite like that. The feeling has stayed with me long after we have been together. THAT is what I mean by the power of Mars in Taurus. It lingers when you’re done!

On the other side, you of all signs, can be extremely jealous and possessive over your sexual partners. You DO NOT LIKE TO SHARE. AT. ALL. The 2nd House is all about owning and possessions and you may take this mindset with you into your romantic relationships. To the right person and in a healthy way, this can be enduring and make your partner feel safe and secure in your presence. In turn, you also want to know that your partner is crazy about you and cares deeply about your well-being. Again, in a healthy dynamic, a little jealousy and possessivness isn’t bad. It can show that someone does have an interest in you and takes pride in the fact that they are able to claim you as their own. This is just something to be mindful of in this placement, because if underdeveloped, it can lead to issues of selfishness & strong resistance to allow your partner’s freedom. Of course this can bleed over into the bedroom as well. You don’t want to get so focused on your own comfort that you end up putting your partner into a routine that they no longer enjoy. Your favorite position may not be their favorite positive. It can feel like eating lobster every single day. Like, yeah, Lobster is great day 1, maybe even day 2, but by day 5….yuck. Depending on other placements in your chart, you may attract partners who are very much like you, in the sense they prefer routine, OR you may attract partners who are so wild and out of the box, it forces you out of your comfort zone. All I can do is say embrace whatever floats your boat.

There is no doubt that you are one of the most sexual, sensual and passionate lovers of the zodiac. Your innate knowledge of pleasure makes you an expert in the bedroom and you can be hard to beat. Although it may take you a while to warm up, either physically or emotionally, you eventually show your partners that it is absolutely worth the wait! Because you tend to be safe and secure in yourself (the 2nd house rules self esteem) you share that safety and extend your protection to those you love the most. Your sexual language is unforgettable. You know how to love someone head to toe! WOOOOO!!!

Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House

“Dollhouse, dressed up, perfect messed up, Torture me to sleep, paint the air I breathe. Fishbowl, chokehold, dirty water, I’m cold. Dirty as can be, have your way with me.” Dollhouse (with Lily Rose Depp) by The Weeknd

If you have Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House, your sexual language is intense & powerful. You have a way of pulling people into your orbit just by being your unapologetic self! The force is with you! Best believe! And people feel it. You get what you want and you want what you get and you have a way of luring in your prospective sexual partner by projecting your lust onto them– so much so they feel it when they walk by you. Much like your sister, the Mars ruled Scorpio, there is a carnal desire that surrounds you. It’s magnetic. It’s magnificent. And it’s very fleeting.

When it comes to your bedroom pleasures, you can be a pioneer of the “Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am or…sir” (not as cute of a rhyme) mindset. You may have a habit of treating your lovers like conquest– wanting to overpower them and wrap them up in your passionate fantasies. You deeply enjoy power play in your sex life. Yes, you could easily be the dominant one in your relationships, BUT you could also seek refuge in being submissive to your partner. How? I know it seems contradictory. But chances are, with this placement (unless it’s in a water sign in your first house) you are more than likely the boss and the leader in your everyday life…so when it comes to sex, you may want to just “relax” and let your partner do all the hard work for once. If that’s the case, you may be a bit of a brat in the bedroom because you still like to challenge your partner for shizz & giggles, but you are certainly fun and definitely unforgettable.

Your sex language is raw and real. You don’t like to hold back your passion and you appreciate a partner who can match your enthusiasm in the bedroom. You love the runner chaser dynamic, and again, you can easily play both parts. You are strong and competitive and don’t like to lose the interest of your lovers, even though you can get bored pretty easily. You may prefer quickies over long drawn up love sessions, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to indulge your sinuses from time to time– you’re just not one of the most lovey dovey of the zodiac and prefer loud, wild, hot, steamy sex opposed to soft caresses and whispers of sweet nothings. You may also be a person who uses sexy time to advance a certain agenda. You could use sex as a tool of manipulation to get what you want. That may seem extreme, but think about a stripper using her sensuality as a means to make money so she can pay her way through law school. THAT’S what I mean. Because you may not be so shy about your sex appeal, if used correctly, it can be your weapon of choice when it comes to getting what you want from someone.

Passion matters to you more than most. You would prefer a risky lover than a predictable one. You also may be a fan of the ole’ break up to make-up trope. Make-up sex is always better. And you don’t mind starting a fight in the streets, simply to uh…you know…end it….in the sheets…..if you catch my drift. You aren’t one for subtleties. You are probably one of the most straightforward and upfront people in the world and you may play shy, but once you allow a person to get to know you, you don’t hold anything back. Because you are a cardinal energy, you always have a childlike flair to you! You keep things interesting and youthful. You’re not afraid to cross boundaries and push the limits of yourself & your partner in the midst of a sexual act. You really may think that sex is something that can be “won”. You want to be the best. You want to be the one that lovers can’t get enough of. You don’t appreciate being compared to others and honestly hear partners talking about their past as if it was some sort of challenge. You definitely have a jealous and possessive streak, but like I always say, when this is a healed energy it can be enduring to the right partner. As long as it’s not obsessive and unhealthy, you can provide comfort to your lovers that you are there for them and only them. You expect loyalty in return, of course, but you don’t mind protecting and defending what you see as your own. Your love is real. Your love is honest. Your love is young and wild and free!

[backwardsbread]

Hazbin Hotel Characters:

Forgetting an anniversary

A/N: This is my first time doing anything like this, so if anybody wants to see more, feel free to ask! The Hazbin brain rot is real—

Warnings‼️: Established relationship, character x reader, fluff, but also some angst?, swearing, gender neutral!reader, mentions of alcohol.

Not really proofread

I didn’t mean to write that much for Alastor but here we are—

Lucifer:

To be fair this guy is the literal KING of hell, (the devil from, THE BIBLE) so to say he’s a busy man is an understatement.

This dude is also MAD depressed making him constantly disassociate, so he’s prone for losing track of what day it is.

You kind of figure he’s forgotten the day is coming up when he’s not hyperfixated on it.

For birthdays, planned dates, special occasions, this man usually goes ALL out.

He tries to keep what he has planned secret, but he’s usually bouncing off the walls the days before, and ends up letting his plans slip.

So when he’s not talking your ear off the day before your anniversary, you suspect the date might’ve slipped his mind.

When the day of your anniversary comes along and you’re not woken up with kisses and cuddles, possibly breakfast in bed, you KNOW your partner has forgotten.

However, you don’t tell him or remind him of the date. Since your partner had a busy day ahead, you didn’t want to force him to focus on you when there much more important things to be settled.

You kind of wallow in your own self pity, while you wait for Lucifer to return to the castle.

Lucifer had plenty of things scheduled for the day, but he can’t shake the feeling that he IS forgetting something.

(And he is)

He checks his schedule, triple checks he didn’t miss any meetings, makes sure he has his lucky duck in his suit pocket.

All seems well. But he still can’t shake the feeling that he’s forgetting something.

It’s not until he gets home later in the evening and SEES you, that he remembers the date.

This man is ON HIS KNEES, profusely apologizing to you. The king of hell is practically begging for your forgiveness.

“Why didn’t you tell me?? You’re more important than some stupid meetings! I’m so sorry, I won’t let this happen again.”

Despite if you say it’s alright, he calls off anything he has scheduled for the next week. Treating you to the prettiest and fanciest places every inch of the pride ring has to offer.

This man usually goes all out for your guys’ dates and such, but this is extravagant. He’s treating you like the royalty you are to hopefully become. (If he ever gets the gall to ask you-)

Vox:

Similar to Lucifer, but even worse in the sense of his schedule is ALWAYS booked. It’s not easy being the face of all tech in the Pride Ring.

This man gets ZERO days off, working 8-12 hour days depending on what’s going on.

He’s got meetings, interviews, paperwork, you name it. This man might as well be the living embodiment of stress.

The thing he usually looks forward to is going home to you. Finally being able to relax and rant about his day.

(Finally able to stop his fake ass smile that’s usually imprinted on his face)

So when he gets home to find you already in bed, fast asleep when you usually would stay up and wait for him, he’s a little peeved.

He tries to be understanding, not really knowing what you might’ve done in the day. Perhaps it could’ve exhausted you. Or maybe you were feeling under the weather.

He then almost throws a full blown hissy fit when he sees blanket and pillow on the couch

A silent demand from you that he is to sleep there for the night.

His screen glitches in silent rage, as he grumbles to himself about how childish you were being for no apparent reason.

The two of you had obviously gotten into fights/arguments, mostly about his work schedule.

But it was rare that those arguments wouldn’t end in the two of you talking it out and ending the night in a cuddle session to make it up to each other.

(Vox refuses to really apologize for his work, his pride won’t let him apologize for something he doesn’t think he did wrong.)

Vox kind of accepts your demand, not wanting to piss you off more. You could talk about it with him tomorrow.

Vox wakes up early the day after your anniversary, going to work as usual. Velvette is getting him in ready in a new suit she designed. While she’s getting him ready she asks;

“So how was your night? Did you have anything planned?”

“Uhh.. what? Planned for what?”

“Wasn’t yesterday your anniversary?”

“….Fuuu-huh-huuuck”

He ditches his morning broadcast, instead heading towards his monitor room. When he sees you’re awake, and on your phone, he makes his face appear on the small screen.

Which scares the shit out of you— he usually gave some sort of warning when he was going to just appear on your device.

By the look on his face, you can tell he now knows the reason you made him sleep on the couch. You give him a look in return, waiting for his excuse.

And just by the look on your face, he can tell you’re not willing to hear any bullshit he has to spit about his work being a priority.

His screen glitches in a slight panic, as he’s sort of loss for words at first. He could tell you were angry, and he knew only he was responsible for causing that.

To your surprise, he actually apologizes, saying how there was no excuse for his absence and your guys’ special day.

He reassures you it won’t happen again, telling you how he still loves you. He has you pick any place of your choice for the two of you to go to dinner tonight.

(He hacks into the system to be put on the reservation list)

Anything to somewhat make it up to one of the only souls that truly understands him in this miserable afterlife.

Alastor:

He’s not as busy of a man as Vox or Lucifer, but he’s not very big on celebrations like birthdays or anniversaries.

You’re his and he is yours, you both don’t need to prove that to anyone.

But…..it would feel nice to at least acknowledge the stepping stones in your guys’ relationship.

Alastor doesn’t really understand the hints you drop when mentioning your guys’ anniversary.

He definitely knows the date is coming, but once the day arrives, he treats it like it’s just any other day.

He notices your mood is less cheery than any normal day, but doesn’t connect the dots that it’s because of HIS behavior.

(What could he have POSSIBLY done wrong??)

He instead tries to cheer you up by poking fun at you the entire day. Calling you little names like “grouch, stick in the mud, drag”.

Insisting that you wipe that frown off your face and replace it with a similar smile to his own permanent one.

He unknowingly rocks the boat with his behavior, only making your mood turn more sour.

Before he can even continue his banter for the last half of the day, you’re ignoring him. Not giving any excuse to him either, you’re just walking away from him.

He makes fun of your bitter mood? You didn’t hear it.

He asks you a question? Your conversation with Charlie is more important.

He tries to hold your hand or embrace you? You suddenly have something totally necessary to get done on the opposite side of the hotel.

You are determined to push all of his buttons just as he had unknowingly done to you.

And this absolutely gets under his skin.

Alastor is one for control, he needs to know everything, he needs to be in charge of situations. Why you were being so stubborn, this man is CLUELESS. And that irritates him to no end.

Tensions are high in the hotel, with a very grumpy radio demon and his other half who refuses to sooth his anger.

Night falls on Hell painfully slow, as you just want this whole day to disappear and never return. You sit at the bar, swirling around the liquid in your glass.

Husk knew better than to pry at you and your annoyance towards your significant other. He instead kept your glass filled, and offered you a soft smile.

You’re slightly buzzed when your source of annoyance sits in the bar stool right next to you. You feel Alastor’s gaze on you, but you keep your eyes on your drink.

You feel static prick at your skin, making the hair on your arms rise from the chill. You hear the crackle of a very peeved radio demon sitting beside you.

Who did you think you were?? Ignoring someone like him! You were his lover and you were treating him like he meant nothing to you.

(At least that’s what it felt like)

The overlord beside you finally snaps, his voice toned heavily with radio static, his eyes darkening with dial pupils.

“What is with this behavior, 𝙈̳̎𝙮̳̎ 𝙙̳̎𝙚̳̎𝙖̳̎𝙧̳̎? What could possibly be your excuse for such immature actions towards me?”

Maybe it’s because you’re slightly buzzed from one too many drinks, maybe your emotions had been building up way too quickly from your irritation, maybe you felt guilty for treating your S/O like spoiled leftovers all day.

But as you look towards Alastor, observing his anger, your eyes suddenly well up with big crocodile tears, threatening to spill if you even dare to blink.

Alastor notices your expression soften and watches some unwanted tears slip down your face. There’s literally a record scratch as he just watches you desperately try and hide your face from him.

His eyes soften back to their normal red hue and he feels his harsh smile crack at the edges.

(If he could frown, he absolutely would seeing as you were so hurt by his actions.)

He’s quick to comfort you, pulling you in and whispering comforting words. Shooting a glare at Husk to leave the two of you alone and to not speak a word of this to anybody.

The two of you talk out your feelings about the day. You admit how you felt a bit abandoned by his lack of acknowledgement for the date.

He promises to you that for your next anniversary, because he knows you will always be his, he will make sure to make you feel as special as you truly are to him.

[lemonlover1110]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬

Satoru Gojo

[Chapter 18] Preparing for Vacation

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Pairing: Satoru Gojo x f!Reader

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You’re packing Ren’s bag, a bit in disbelief that you’re going on vacation with your ex-boyfriend. You feel nervous about it, wondering how it’ll play out since your relationship with Satoru isn’t the best– Maybe you shouldn’t really worry about it, he’s doing it all for his son. Perhaps he’ll pay you no mind. Hopefully he won’t pay you no mind.

He has a vacation home in the perfect tropical place, which you aren’t surprised about. You’ve heard of all the houses that the family has around the world, and you forgot about half of them. It was rare staying at a hotel when you traveled with Satoru.

“I’ll come pick you up tomorrow morning. At around five.” Satoru enters Ren’s room to help you pack. Ren is too focused on his cars to pay attention to Satoru, and Satoru eventually got bored of just being another track for his son’s toy cars. You hum in response before you go to a cabinet to pack pajamas for Ren. “Is your suitcase ready?”

“It’s almost ready.” You lie because it’s far from ready. You’ve been simply too busy and tired to come around to it. You’re still working as Satoru’s assistant since for some reason, you suddenly don’t have the heart to quit. Of course, since the truth came out, Satoru has lightened your workload. He doesn’t care if he has to do it all himself, he wants you to come home early to spend time with Ren. You almost hate yourself for not telling him the moment you saw him again… Almost. 

“I can finish Ren’s suitcase while you finish packing for yourself.” Satoru says, and you suck your bottom lip between your teeth. Would that be a smart idea? Satoru is Ren’s father… But he doesn’t know everything that Ren needs for a vacation. Worst comes to worst, Satoru can buy what Ren is missing since he can certainly afford it.

“Fine.” You end up agreeing, neatly folding the pajamas you hold and putting them in the suitcase. You leave it to Satoru to pack everything else up. 

You get to your room and check what you need to pack up, which is almost everything necessary. You hear your name being called, which causes you to come to a stop, “Mommy!”

“Ren!” You yell back, and you turn around to find your son at your door. He walks over to your bed and lays down, grabbing one of your fluffy blankets and throwing it over himself.

“I’m bored.” He announces. Ren can entertain himself playing with anything for hours, but the moment you’re doing something important, he’s the most bored kid in the world. It doesn’t help that you haven’t been allowing him to watch TV since he’s been misbehaving lately, which means he’s more bored than usual.

“Your dad has gotten you so many toys. Go play with them.” You tell him, but that’s not the answer Ren wants to hear. Ren wants to hear you say that he can watch TV, but you’re not saying it which makes him pout.

“Want to watch TV.” He responds which makes you sigh. It’s easier to let Satoru handle it, since he’s been telling you that he has no idea how to properly parent. The only way for him to learn is to practice.

“Satoru! Come here! Ren has a question!” You yell, and Satoru is in your room within seconds. Maybe he should’ve stood in the doorway, but since it’s his son that has a question, he doesn’t really think twice before entering your bedroom.

“What is it, honey?” Satoru looks at his son, patiently waiting for Ren to ask.

“Can I watch TV?” Ren asks, and Satoru is about to nod, but he has to look at you first.

“Since when do you ask that question? I thought your mom–” Satoru begins but you cut him off to explain why Ren is asking the question. The correct answer is no, but you know that’s how you think. Satoru is also Ren’s parent and deserves to have some authority over how Ren is raised and punished.

“Ren has been misbehaving lately. He’s been writing on walls even though he’s been scolded for it many times, and he’s been throwing tantrums to get what he wants.” You explain, and Satoru doesn’t immediately see a problem with it. Why? Because he was raised in a house where the rules were that he did whatever he wanted. No one really dared to deny him anything but he can’t do that with Ren. 

“You’ve been misbehaving lately, Ren. Your mother gave you an appropriate punishment, and I’m not going to ignore it.” Satoru responds, and Ren crosses his arms as he gets up from your bed and walks back to his own bedroom. Satoru awkwardly stares before following behind, because Satoru still has to finish packing. 

When Satoru walks into the room, he finds Ren sniffling in his pillow, and he swears his heart cracks at the scene. He shouldn’t walk over to Ren to comfort him… He’s surely doing it because he’s not getting his way. But he’s not strong enough to ignore his baby boy, not yet at least.

Satoru sits down on the edge of the bed, his hand running up and down his son’s back to soothe him. Satoru sighs before asking his son, “What’s wrong, Ren? You know that your actions can have consequences… And while I love you a lot, I can’t just let you do whatever you want to do.”

“Mommy doesn’t love me.” Ren claims, and Satoru is shocked to hear Ren say that. He had no idea how dramatic kids were. But maybe Satoru shouldn’t judge since he would’ve reacted the same way– Thing is, Satoru isn’t sure if his mother does love him. 

“Your mommy does love you, that’s why you’re grounded. If she didn’t love you, she would just allow you to do all you wanted.” Satoru hopes he’s saying the right words to comfort his son. He isn’t the best at comforting people though, so he’s not sure if that’s going to work. Ren sits up from his bed, crossing his arms.

“It’s not because of that.” Ren will shift the attention. It’s mainly because you’re not allowing him to do whatever he wants. But of course he does feel a bit neglected lately because for the past year you’ve been so busy.

“Then why is it, buddy? So I can talk to your mommy about it.” Satoru says, and Ren debates if he wants to speak about it. Should he voice his thoughts? Is that smart?

“Mommy is never home, and when she is, she’s too tired to do anything.” Ren shares, making Satoru purse his lips together. He knows it’s not something that you can control, but maybe that’ll change in the near future. 

“She’s never home because she’s making sure that you have everything you need and could possibly want. It’s not because she doesn’t love you, it’s because she loves you so much.” Satoru defends you. It’s obviously something that’s difficult for Ren to understand, after all, he’s only four (though he keeps reminding everyone that his fifth birthday is coming up). “Don’t ever say that your mommy doesn’t love you, Ren. She would do just about anything for you.”

“Okay…” Ren answers, hesitantly nodding in agreement.

“Now go give your mommy a big hug, okay? And an apology too. She just wants the best for you.” Satoru tells his son, and Ren gets up from the bed, walking out and running to your room.

It’s fair to say that you’re shocked when you see Ren running your way with his arms wide open. You crouch down to receive his hug. Ren kisses your cheek before he mutters out an apology, “I’m sorry, mommy.”

“Have you learned your lesson, Ren?” You ask and he hums in response, which makes you continue, “What is the lesson?”

“Um…” He begins, unsure as to what the lesson is. You try not to laugh.

“I have rules for a reason, Ren. When I tell you something, it’s for your own good.” You tell him, and he nods. “Now what’s the lesson?”

“To listen to you and follow the rules.” Ren responds, and you smile at him before kissing his cheek.

“Promise you won’t ever misbehave like that again.” You put out your pinky, and he intertwines his own with yours. Ren takes pinky promises very seriously, so you doubt he’ll break it. “Alright, you can watch thirty minutes of TV, but you’re still punished tomorrow and the day after that.”

“Okay. Thank you, mommy.” Ren says before running out of your room, and you stand up. You catch a glimpse of Satoru near the doorway and you signal him to come inside. When Satoru is inside, you smile at him.

“Thank you.” You tell him, going back to packing up your suitcase. Satoru decides that he’s going to try and help you when he doesn’t know what you need.

“It’s my job. We can’t have a disrespectful and entitled child.” Satoru replies, and you’re about to make a joke about it, but you bite your tongue knowing that it isn’t wise. You end up patting his back. 

You don’t really pay attention to Satoru, not until your peripheral vision catches his sudden change in color. His face is burning red when he opens a drawer that he isn’t supposed to open.

“Oh that’s– Not mine.” You’re completely embarrassed. You shouldn’t be, it’s just Satoru. You have a literal child together, and that didn’t magically happen. But your relationship with him has clearly changed. “The toys are… My friend’s.”

“Yeah… They’re your friend’s.” Satoru ends up chuckling, closing the top drawer. “You don’t have to lie to me. I know better than anyone that you have certain needs.”

“Satoru, shut up. You’re making it worse.” Your face is hot. “Matter of fact, go watch TV with Ren.”

“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t try to help you!” Satoru walks out of the room, and you lay down on your bed, grabbing your pillow and screaming into it.

It’s hard for you to wake up the next morning, but luckily your child doesn’t have an issue waking up. He knows that you’re going on a trip with his father, and he’s beyond excited. He’s finally getting on a plane though, and not just any plane but a private one (although he doesn’t know that detail). It’s nice to have someone that’s so energetic when all you want to do is sleep.

Satoru waits in his car for the two of you, sending the chauffeur up to help with your luggage. Throughout the whole car ride, Ren enthusiastically talks, knowing that he’ll be going to the beach soon. It’s a fifty minute drive to the airport, and he nearly drives you insane, but you have to remind yourself that he’s simply excited. 

“I call dibs for Ren as my seat buddy.” Satoru says when the chauffeur opens the door for him. Satoru gets Ren out of his booster seat, and practically runs to the entrance of the plane. You slowly follow behind them. You can’t really complain about Satoru stealing Ren for the plane ride because while you love your son, this morning he’s too energetic for you to handle.

You take a seat far away from them, deciding that you’ll take a nap during the plane ride. You barely slept last night so you certainly need the energy for when you land. But Ren doesn’t see that logic, he just wants his mother close to him, so when you take a seat far away from the pair, Ren leaves his seat and goes to you. He grabs your hand and tries to pull you up, “There’s a better seat.”

You almost groan before standing up, but you follow him. You take a seat across from the pair, putting in headphones. Before you can put on some music, Satoru says, “Do you really want to try to fall asleep now? Before takeoff?”

“Fine, I’ll stay awake for now.” You answer. You begin to listen to Ren talk, simply staring at him as your eyes grow heavy. You’re not sure how much time passes but Satoru certainly does, a frown overtaking his face.

“Why is it taking so fucking long?” Satoru asks, and you glare at him for his language. He realizes and quickly says, “Sorry, Ren.”

Satoru stands up with the intent of asking a staff member but just as he begins to walk, he realizes the reason why it’s taking so long. He crosses his arms, a sigh escaping his lips. “What do you need, Sayo?”

“Just wanted to accompany my dear husband on his business trip. I need a vacation too, you know?” Sayo responds, already fully in vacation mode. She pokes her head to the side, since Satoru blocks her view. She calls out your name and waves at you, and panic begins to settle in your body. She moves Satoru to the side to take a seat next to you, and that’s when she sees Ren.

“Satoru!” Sayo looks at her husband, although she raises her voice but not of anger… But of excitement? “You didn’t tell me you were bringing your son along!”

[wosoamazing]

A Painful First

Part 1 | Beneath the Surface

Warnings: First Period, Endometriosis, Bleeding Through, Mentions of Nausea, Pain

Notes: This is Part 1 to my new mini series Beneath the Surface, honestly kind of nervous about posting this but anyway here it is. I don't know how good this part is but it is more for setting the scene etc. I am currently in the process of writing the next parts, but I feel like they are much better. Hopefully I got everything pretty accurate, let me know what you think x

You were a Foord, your Mum was Maddie Foord, one of the physios for the Matildas and Arsenal. She was engaged to Leah, who you now lived with, and Leah was almost like your second Mum, you just hadn’t spent much time with her, between her busy schedule and your school and swimming there wasn’t much time spare for you two to spend bonding, meaning when you found out that Leah wasn’t going on international break because of her hamstring and that you could decide between staying or going to Australia, you decided to stay in London so you could get to know her better, Caitlin was sad that you weren't coming on camp and she told you she would miss you so much, but she understood your choice.

Staying in London also meant you could continue your rigorous swim training schedule which with the Aquatics GB Champs coming up in a few months was important to you.

You had a cramping pain before you fell asleep that night however you didn't think much of it, you had been having these random cramping pains often for the past few months, so you just ignored it as usual and fell asleep after messaging your Mum good night.

A few hours later you awoke to a stabbing pain in your abdomen, you brought your knees to your chest in hopes of easing the pain, the action causing you to notice a weird stickiness between your legs, you quickly stood up and noticed a patch of blood on your sheets, and a wave of panic ran through you, this wasn’t meant to happen this way, and your Mum wasn’t here, you didn’t want Leah to find out, you quickly made your way into the bathroom and called your Mum.

-

“Mum,” you said nervously through the phone as she picked up.

“What’s wrong bubs?”

“I um, it-” you puffed out.

“Bubs, take a breath for me and then try again,”

“I um, I think I started my period and I bleed on the sheets and I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to wake Leah up and I don’t want her to see the blood on the sheets and-”

“Bubs, it’s okay Leah isn’t going to judge you, she loves you just as much as I do, I’m sorry I’m not there right now but I promise you Leah will take very good care of you,” Your Mum told you, as she sent Leah a message.

“How am I meant to tell her though? I-, It’s gross and embarrassing,” unbeknownst to you Leah was currently in your room stripping your sheets and putting fresh ones on your bed, she was not disgusted at all and if anything felt slightly bad for you knowing how you would prefer your Mum to be there over her.

“Bubs, it happens to everyone, it’s okay, it's not your fault, how do you feel though? Like physically?”

“Okay, it doesn’t hurt that much,” that was a complete lie, your back ached, your stomach felt like someone was sitting on it whilst you were being stabbed and you felt sick, but she was all the way in Australia, you didn’t want to worry her, and every girl got periods, you were probably just over reacting. You heard a soft knock at your bathroom door and knew exactly who it was.

“Bubs, that will be Leah and I’m sorry but I really have to go now, let Leah in, she will help you, and I promise I’ll call you later,”

“Okay, love you,” you said before hanging up and opening the door to Leah, immediately looking down at your feet.

“Hey, there is no need to be embarrassed, it’s okay, it happens to everyone, it happens to me more than I’d like to admit,” Leah tried reassuring you, you just nodded nervously.

“I got you this, it’s going to be bigger than most, but it’s all we have, and none of the shops are open currently so I can’t go out and get some for you. But it’s okay, because tomorrow morning the first thing I’ll do is go to the shops and buy you some supplies, and then if you like we could spend the day watching movies together and just relaxing,” you nodded shyly at Leah before she continued, “Have a shower, get cleaned up, and call out for me if you need anything, I’ve changed the sheets on your bed but if you would prefer you are more than welcome to come into our bed and sleep in there with me if you want,” you nodded again before Leah left the bathroom giving you the privacy to do what you needed to do.

“Le, is it meant to hurt this bad?” You asked the blonde as you walked towards where she sat on the couch, having returned from the bathroom, tears pricking in your eyes, this was your second day of having your period and you hated how you couldn’t do anything because of the pain. Just as you took another step towards the couch a sharp pain shot down your back and you grabbed onto the back of the couch for support, before a few tears rolled down your cheeks. Leah was quickly up and on her feet, wrapping her arms around you to support you before gently and slowly guiding you to the spot on the couch where the both of you were sitting just before, she sat down before allowing you to make yourself comfortable.

“You good?” Leah asked as you finally settled, hoping you found a comfortable position, which you had sort of done so. You were curled up into a ball as you rested against Leah’s side, your head on her shoulder as her arm now wrapped around your back. She used her other hand to wipe away your tears that had fallen before she let out a slight sigh.

“To answer your question, no, it shouldn’t hurt this bad. There is actually something your Mum and I think we should talk about, and we thought having the conversation with just me might make you more comfortable, but I want you to know before I start that if you feel uncomfortable or want me to stop at any time just say so and I will, and if you have a question at any stage just interrupted me okay. What you’re experiencing currently isn’t normal and you shouldn’t be in this much pain, it could just be a bad period however it may also be something else, your Mum and I were talking and we think you could possibly have endometriosis, it’s what I have and a lot of your symptoms are similar to mine,”

“But you’re not couch ridden on your period,” you commented, causing Leah to have to stifle a laugh.

“I’m not normally no, but there are sometimes when I can’t do anything and I’ve known about it now for a little while so I know what helps me and I’ve got medication to help too. But do you know what endometriosis is?”

“Not really,” you said embarrassed.

“That’s okay, it's nothing to be ashamed about, not many people do, but it’s when the lining of your uterus grows outside of your uterus too, like on your ovaries and your fallopian tubes and if it’s really bad it can grow on some of your other organs and your pelvis too. I don’t want you to worry too much though because it could just be a bad period but at the same time I do want you to know that you shouldn’t have this much pain with a normal period, but we will keep an eye on your symptoms for the next few months and decided where we go from there, okay?” you nodded in agreement, the pain slowly over taking you yet again this side nausea came alongside it. 

“Can you come to the bathroom with me? I feel sick, and I don’t want to be alone and-” “Of course, do you want to go into mine and your Mum’s? It’s a bit bigger and then whenever you want we can get into our bed, might be more comfortable,” Leah offered reassuringly before you let out a small ‘okay’.

____

“Why can’t it just be normal? I just want to be able to swim, and do the things I normally do, like even just getting a cup of water would be nice” you cried, you had moved from the bathroom to your Mum’s and Leah’s bed a while ago, having curled into Leah’s side, resting your head on her chest.

“I know bubs, it’s no fun at all, but I promise you that I will get you help if it continues like this. The heat pad should help soon and then you might be able to get some sleep.” Leah tried reassuring you as she ran her fingers through your hair.

“Don’t go,” you mumbled quietly as sleep finally began to take over, your body absolutely exhausted from the pain.

“I’m not going to go anywhere bubs, I’m staying right here with you,”

[ch-4-eri]

LOVE POTIONS — Jill Valentine.

best friend’s mom! jill X female reader.

warnings: 18+ mdni!! age gap (don’t say i didn’t warn you) oral, dirty talk, hints at the reader being a virgin if you squint. i don’t know if i’m missing anything let me know.

word count: 1.4k

i’m so sick for this, i’ll go to hell on my own, don’t fuck your friend’s mothers guys. but do enjoy this.

you couldn’t explain it, even if you wanted, the whole thing was messy from the beginning.

it was supposed to be something innocent, completely harmless and has no threat to anyone in your life or yourself.

or your best friend.

if only you never met his mother, Jill Valentine, government agent, and a former RPD S.T.A.R.S member.

but god, you didn’t think it through.

didn’t think your attitude and the way you looked at the woman were entirely calculated, jill knew.

this woman has a love for details and reading you, every time you came over; what you’d say and what’d you do, what you’re wearing.

she’d show you she’s busy, working documents and important things for the BSAA, jill to you was just a best friend’s mother.

but you both had one hell of an unspoken sexual tension.

which you tried to hide, tried to shove in the back of your mind as your age gap is fucking nuts and you always worry someone would read your mind which isn’t even a realistic idea, but still, you were too anxious to act on it, even alone, self awareness preventing you from being able to stay in your head for long.

but jill on the other hand… when every time she analysed you, how you talk, how you act, your ass in your tiny skirts drives her fucking crazy enough she finds herself unable to sleep, her hand inside her shorts as she’s pumping herself up at the thought of you with her hand covering her mouth.

surely she felt ashamed, a woman her age acting and thinking like this, she felt so much guilt and shame for operating like a damn teenage boy riling with hormones over a girls ass in a skirt.

a girl her son’s age.

she knew if he ever found her out, he’d hate her forever and she can’t afford losing him, not after fighting for his custody for many years with her ex husband.

but that’s not what she had in mind that day, when she had you splayed down her bed so late at night, her fingers in your mouth as she ate you out like no tomorrow, your legs on her shoulders, your moans muffled by her thick fingers pressing down your tongue, drooling all over them.

“taste’s so good..” jill groaned against your clit, her mouth engulfing you, sending your back arching, she pulls away and sits up, making you ache at the loss of contact and the warmth you felt between your legs.

jill removed her fingers from your mouth, wiping your saliva off them down her bedsheets, going on her knees to meet your eyes as you were so lost in the feeling of pleasure you never got from anyone else other than this woman, a woman you shouldn’t even be doing this with.

but neither of you were even thinking of that right now.

jill had your chin in her palm as you opened your eyes, your breathing shaky and heavy, drool covering your chin as you smelled like sex and vanilla to the older woman’s nostrils.

“i want you to sit on my face, yeah? can you do that for me?” jill smirked, licking her lips with the tongue you want to be inside you again so badly.

you nodded eagerly, the thought of having her mouth against your pussy again was driving you mad with chills coursing through your body. “mhm.. yes please.” you begged, your eyes staring into hers pleadingly, like a lost puppy. fucked up enough.

jill patted your legs, lying down on the mattress of her huge bed, she wasn’t wearing anything other than her lacey bra and underwear, she was a fucking sight, you’d drool on her looks alone. even for a woman her age, she was damn delicious and you couldn’t get your eyes off her as you went on your knees and crawled to her.

she prepared the seat that was her face you were going to be sitting on for the next many minutes, hopefully hours if it were up to the older woman. moving her short brown hair away from her blue eyes you’d drown in.

as you made it closer to her, you were a bit nervous, a question rolling around your head you had to make sure of, you had to ask, as silly as it made you sound to a woman with so much experience.

“do i sit or hover?” you asked, your voice betraying you, your cheeks rosy and lips red and swollen.

jill chuckled, like she was making fun of you. “sit.” she demands. “i want you to suffocate me.” jill added, taking a hold of your thigh as she brought you closer with her strong grip.

“i want you to cum in my mouth.. am i clear, sweet girl?” she demanded as soon as you gasped, raising an eyebrow at your hesitation.

“y-yes..” you nodded like the puppy you are, you weren’t going to upset her, you hated to refuse jill.

and jill hated it when you refused her.

you finally scooted up to jill’s head, placing a knee next to her head, the other doing the same as you lowered your body so your wet pussy made contact with her nose, both of you let out a sigh while jill’s hands positioned you properly on her face, and as soon as you felt her tongue lick a long stripe up your sopping wet hole you let out a sickeningly pornographic moan, your hands grabbing at the headboard of her bed.

“ah.. jill..” you breathed, your thighs squeezing the older woman’s head, her tongue sucking and licking at your hole as she made it her sole purpose for you to cum in her mouth and if she keeps this up you’re gonna do it more than once, not that jill would complain.

her strong hands gripped your ass so tight, her tongue brutally slamming inside of you, as was her nose, sliding it up and down which drew pathetic moans out of you.

jill was humming, groaning into you, making your legs shake and your thighs closing in on her, and you were worried you were hurting her even though jill was having a fucking blast, she adored those damn thighs, if she suffocateds and dies like this it’ll all be worth it.

“please.. can’t take this anymore.” you cried out, making jill just suck at your clit like a starved woman, her body humming and shivering as she was desperate to get touched as well, rubbing her thighs together while her hands reached your hips in a bruising grip.

you were shuddering and whimpering, your legs so weak as you didn’t want to put your full weight on the woman’s face. “jill..” you moaned as she flicked her tongue against your sopping walls, your thighs filled with goosebumps.

“i’m..” you start, your lower belly so tight with a burning sensation that you were so close to your release, jill positioned you right into her mouth as she knew you were close, drinking you up as you finally gushed your orgasm down her mouth like she wanted.

“mmm..” jill mumbled, swallowing every last bit of what you can give her, you tasted like heaven, fucking delicious.

you were trying to catch your breath, your heart hammering against your rib cage as jill patted your thigh.

you weakly pulled your knee away from her head, your legs were shaking like crazy, your center so sensitive and puffy.

“i bet you can’t walk now, huh?” jill joked, sitting up on her elbows, her cheeks red from the heat of being between your thighs for as long as she just was, her nose and her lips shiny and sticky from your release and you were so sick for thinking she looked so darn good with your cum on her face.

you gulped, heat rushing into your cheeks at her words. “just a little sore.” you mumbled shyly, like you weren’t just seated on her face.

“a little sore hm? come here for me..” jill gestured for you to come closer to her. “you think you can just rest without returning the favour?”

jill smirked and brushed your hair away from your face, brushing two fingers against your hardened nipples.

“i know you can’t handle me sitting on your face… i’m afraid i’d break you entirely… but you have fingers don’t you?”

she says in a suggestive tone, grabbing your nipple into her mouth, your eyes closing at the sensation, your hands going into her hair as a moan escaped you.

jill took your hand and brought it near her panties.

then she pulled away with a pop, her blue eyes staring into yours so intensely. “now be a good girl and touch me.”

oh boy you’re screwed.

[jinkiezzsstuff]

Met the Devil 2

lucifer x human!reader

sorry this took forever it’s been hectic i guess im in my fanfic writer era of madness happening and mentioning it in the a/n (im joking… unless) anyways lads hopefully this is okay womp womp

Part [1]

Based on devilish folklore and wives tales so lucifer may be ooc!

Warnings: BODYHORROR; DESCRIPTIONS OF TEETH FALLING OUT. Mentions of blood, reader dies a goofy ahh death, lucifer being an unsure wreck, and he’s got no game, reader is perpetually confused, inaccurate descriptions of religion, swearing, not proof read and i don’t entirely know where i’m going with this teehee lmk whatcha think xxx

word count: 3.1K

Three months, it had been three exhausting months since the incident with Lucifer. As if there was some devine intervention, everything seemed to fall at your feet working out for you, while also simultaneously sucking. Career wise, you were doing much better, after working for Marie and watching her house keeping it exactly how she wished, excluding the devil you had intercourse with, she put in a word for you at her and her husbands church, which you ended up getting.

Although not a very important role, it paid well. You were mostly in charge of cleanliness, cleaning the areas in the front where children played, keeping the holy fountain fresh, sweeping the pews and repairing any unbinded bibles. However the staff weren’t particularly fond of you, the nuns avoided you like the plague, and the priest gave you glares. Thankfully you rarely interacted with them if at all.

However, while your career was better than before, your physical health wasn’t. Things tanked once you slept with the devil. It started slow, noticing hues appear in your skin that you hadn’t before. Despite the various skin, and blood tests, and the general run down of different illnesses that cause changing pigmentation, there was no evidence to prove anything was truly wrong, just random hues of pinks, purples and blues showing up like you were some corpse.

The second minuet thing to change was your nails, at first you foolishly wondered if your calcium intake increased causing the thickness in your nails to double, but you quickly scrapped that al when your nails grew more rapidly. You really hadn’t changed much diet wise for that to be true, odd as it was it wasn’t something you hated.

The worst of it was teeth. One night you woke to a horrific splitting headache, it wasn’t just one part of your head either. The pain seared through your jaw, down your neck, up your face through your cheeks and in the back of your eyes all the way to the tip top of your head. You walked half asleep half dazed from pain to the bathroom, once the light blinded you and you got woken up a bit was when your brain registered the feeling.

Your mouth filled with the metallic taste of blood as you tuned into the sound of tapping in your mouth as the loose teeth collided. When you threw yourself over your sink spitting continuously, you immediately began to cry feeling your empty gums with your tongue, and the worst part was it seemed you had swallowed some too as the amount in the sink didn’t amount to how much was missing.

That night you must’ve passed out because you were woken up by your angry family member shouting at you to hurry. The strangest thing was, however you awoke with teeth, sharp as razors, and the porcelain sink that was never cleared of blood or teeth was now cleaned.

Since your teeth, you managed to not lose nor gain any other strange things, and the only people who didn’t seem to look past these oddities were the people who attended the church or worked at it. It was like they could tell you slept with Lucifer, something in their eyes always felt so intense and aware even if they’d never spoken to you before. The strangeness didn’t end with your appearance or career.

You had weird dreams you couldn’t explain, it felt so real but once awake you could only remember how you felt about the dream. You had close interactions with certain animals, like ducks, goats, crows, and insects as well. It was like they sought you out no matter where you were, people would give you looks when you started greeting the goat like an old friend.

So,now three months after Lucifer, you changed a lot. You know it’s because of him, you just can’t figure out why, but soon you’ll know. Walking into your work place on your day off, everybody’s least favourite thing to do, but it had to be done. You saw the father reading a bible off to the side of the room, and so you approached. He gave you a stern look, and you could tell by his stiff and shifty body language he wasn’t too happy with your presence, antsy to see what it is you wanted.

“Good afternoon father, how’re you?” You start, standing in a way you perfected prior to attempt to seem unthreatening. The priest hummed closing his bible to pay attention to you. “Good child, good. How’re you, is there something i could aid you in?” Straight to the point, mentally you cheered happy you didn’t have to waltz around small talk for fifteen minutes.

“Well i’m alright father, thank you. I was actually wondering about, um, the devil?” The priest's head lulls back slightly eyebrows raised as his mouth opens with a silent o. “Is there temptation in your life?” You shifted on your feet at the question. You hadn’t really thought of it before but you suppose you felt more inclined to act without thinking,and indulge especially after Lucifer claimed you.

“Well yes, but i was more so wondering on what the devil is capable of? Like making deals, and stuff…” You trail eyes casted away to the large sculpture of jesus on the wall. “Nothing, the devil isn’t as strong as gods love. And never in the bible does it state the devil makes deals, that is but a wives tale.” The priest spoke sternly, punctuating his words to get his point across.

This was news to you however, you always thought the devil was more of a a character in the bible. “Father one more question?” You say head snapping back to look at him. “If the devil were to have intercourse with a person, what’s said to be the outcome? Will god punish?” The poor priest looked like he’d seen a ghost, yet you couldn’t comprehend why. Although slightly morbid you didn’t think the question was that out there, perhaps it was the monotonous way you’d said it.

“I’m afraid i don’t have the answer to that,” And with that the priest stood, excusing himself from your conversation walking off down the isle. “I heard the devil picks somebody to carry the antichrist.” Turning to the voice, there sat a woman, old looking wearing a light blue dress. “The anti christ?” You repeat mostly to yourself, but the elderly woman hummed. “Yep. Woo’s the target, sleeps with them, and they give birth to the antichrist. Bad things happen once the child’s born.” The woman explained turning to look back at you.

“And, what if there’s no anti christ, what if the devil just like…” The old lady cackled looking at your puzzled face. She tsked and ushered you near. When in front of her she met your eyes, again with that weirdly all knowing look on them everyone in the church seemed to give you. Holding out her hand to you, you opened yours holding it out to her.

She placed something in your hand but you weren’t able to know what it was before you dropped it shrieking. It was like gripping a hot coal, you gripped your wrist keeled over trying to breath out the pain. Your eyes briefly glanced over to the floor where the object dropped and sitting there was a gold rosary covered in what was more than likely your blood. Peaking up from your bent over position the old woman had took several steps back from you, hand up to her mouth.

Not knowing what to do, you perked up, thanked her for her input, and sped out to the street. Just like the night you met him, the sky darkened and clashed with lightning, then came the rain. The devil himself must’ve worked through water with the way it was a constant anytime something happened.

Walking down the street at leisure, you inspected the wound the rosary left as rain pelted you like no tomorrow. You sighed brushing your thumb over the large cross shaped gash. Suddenly a crack of lightning came down brightly, it was harsh and so very bright. Then another crack, this time however you felt the harshest pain describable. It was like being lit on fire inside your body, or like your blood was suddenly filled with glass shards and you could feel them coursing through.

You couldn’t scream too in pain, you simply slumped to the floor, the searing pain engulfing your body. As your eyes closed, it felt like the floor was sucking you down, but you couldn’t move. You couldn’t even will your eyes to open as you felt the concrete below you begin to engulf you fully. Your lungs burnt as you couldn’t breathe, but like any other regular circumstance where you’d gasp for breath, you were physically unable to. Like you’re body didn’t know how to breath, so you sat there chest feeling tight, burning and your stomach feeling like it was forcing itself inward but nothing changed.

As torturous as it was, it was short lived and finally you felt freed. The concrete beneath you morphed into something softer cozier, the breathlessness left finally you were able to fill your lungs with air almost as refreshing as a glass of water would’ve been, and when you opened your eyes you were greeted by the sight of a bedroom. It was decorated with whites, reds and golds, around you could see engraved apples and ducks in not only the door frames and baseboards but some of the furniture as well.

You couldn’t will yourself to sit up, you still felt the fire on the inside of your body albeit gentler than before. “Hey cookie.” Cooed a smooth voice, you didn’t have to look to know who it was, but thankfully he stepped in front of you, kneeling down to your laying figure. “How you feeling?” You stared at his face, scanning it over and over, his eyes were hauntingly beautiful. The red irises danced around nervously, you watched intently as his forked tongue brushed against the dryness of his lips.

“You’re beautiful.” You mutter half muffled by the fact you sunk comfortably into the mattress that you lay on. Chuckling quietly the king of hell turned and sat on the side of the bed, petting your head very gently like you were made of glass. “Where am i?” His hand stuttered on your head, and finally you rolled over onto you back to gain the view of him. His hat discarded, his suit jacket gone, he sat only in a vest, dress shirt, and his white suit pants.

“Hell, sweetheart.” It was interesting how warmly he had said that to you, looking down at you with almost a pitying expression. “I’m dead?” You jerked up, immediately regretting it as the pain shot through your body from the top of your head down. Sucking in air through your teeth, clenching your eyes shut Lucifer cooed at you reprimanding you for being too quick. “God must’ve struck you down.” His voice lifted as he let out his attempt at a joke, but you weren’t really in the mood to laugh.

“What happened, with me when i was alive.” You ask looking over to him, the expression he had looked slightly guilty, his eyes casted downward, a frown that tried to be a poker face- but failed. “I, well y’see, heh,” Lucifer fumbled picking at his nails and looking around the room. He bounced himself against the mattress almost like he was amping himself up. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay! So y’know you got some human repellant, claws, sharp teeth, that dead look. Sent some little guardians after you! Too bad you couldn’t meet the snake.” Lucifer tisked mournfully shaking his head.

You smiled at him, oddly enough, it was quite endearing that he set out to do these things to keep you safe. “Oh!” He sprung up meeting your eyes properly. “I also made Marie get you that job, and I forced a good pay, always here to help y’know.” The king briefly pinched your cheek before retracting and standing. He looked frazzled, uncertain, he pulled at his clothes like he was trying to fix them. “Sorry it’s been awhile. Y’know i gave up going to earth in like 1850.” The devil laughed out, scratching the back of his neck.

You scooted yourself to the edge of the bed, Lucifer watching intently. “So, what, well I mean, why…?” You were confused head bobbing as you tried to make sense of everything. Things didn’t entirely add up this you were certain of, and you could tell the king was keeping something hidden from you. “As you know hell is well, it’s hell, and you were so…” He trailed off hands circling eachother as he gazed off into space, attempting to find the right words.

Deflating his body slumped over, in one foul swoop it looked as though he’d lost all the will to keep up his charade. “Look I didn’t think you were gonna shake my hand, but in the moment I was hooked on you. The night you took the apple reminded me of days of my life i can’t go back to. So i may have indulged, but i didn’t expect you to be soooo,”

Your eyebrows pinched together as you watched him with judgement, giving him a look that egged him on, yet warned him. “Captivating?” You ‘hmphed’ at his term, as weak and guilty grin overtaking his face. “Okay okay. I enjoyed our night, you gave me advice and helpful conversation I haven’t gotten in, pfft,” He was now pacing, eyes wide as his arms wrapped around himself as a way to secure him.

“Ever, you were a breath of fresh air! I didn’t expect the deal to go through! I didn’t expect you to grab my hand, so when you sold your soul you started to gain those devilish features. I wanted to make sure you were still safe so I manipulated Marie, got you the job, but nothing else was planned!” He exclaimed hands coming up in defence, although it wasn’t like you were angry, you sat there patiently watching him and waiting for him to finish his explanation at his own pace. Understanding this was probably just as stressful for him, if what he says is true.

Blowing out air the king pulled gently at his hair. “I don’t know what to do from here, I sent animals to protect you, I knew something would happen, damnit!” The short man raged eyes blowing up red, that snapped you up, gently you grabbed his shoulders. “I believe you, I have no idea what’s going on either so it’s okay! I’m terrified, but you don’t look any better. Maybe we can figure it out together?” You suggest attempting to be a voice of reason, watching his eyes hue from bright red to the yellow and red irises you’re more familiar with.

He sighed and nodded looking slightly embarrassed. “Do you think we could set some ground rules?” You quirked a brow at that, watching as he once again began to pace. “My daughter, Charlie, we spoke about her, she can’t know I made a deal with you! And for now, she can’t know i did anything sexual. Oh no no no. NO!” Lucifer panicked, switching between gripping his hair and swinging his arms around. It felt like a stab in the gut, it wasn’t your first time being a secret, but you wish you could’ve kept the promise you made to yourself about getting into another situation where you were just a secret fling.

“I’m not gonna pretend that doesn’t get under my skin slightly, I’d prefer not to be the devil's dirty secret, but I understand what Charlie means to you so I’ll do whatcha need.” Lucifer looked at you sheepishly, it seemed like he slightly regretted the choice of delivery as you crossed your arms across your chest, looking at him with a tinge of disgust in your eye. “Okay next, uh let's see, okay you’ll pose as my assistant and you’ll spend the days with me so I can keep an eye on ya….”

You quirk your head, pondering if you should say what you want to say. Which was questioning him and the motive here, it’s normal to say things you don’t always mean in such an intense moment of sex fueled emotion, but now there’s a big consequence and you’re not sure if he really knows what he wants to do. “Hey,” You say quietly grabbing him from his frantic mumbling that he was doing to himself. He hummed at you, his attention refocused on you as he did. “Do you at all regret the deal.”

Lucifers eyes blew wide, his lips puckering as his fingers fiddled with each other. “Regret is a very loaded work y’know- uh, I think- eh, maybe if- okay so,” He fumbled his wings popping out feathers flying around as they did, they puffed out with stress making you gawk. “Uhm, I wouldn't do it again if I had the choice! But still I would've wanted the sex!” Finally he pumped his chest proudly, meanwhile you rolled your eyes. “That’s what most men would do, yeah.” Your tone was bitter, catching him off guard a bit, to be fair he didn’t know what you wanted from him. Normally deals were two sided, but this one you benefited nothing from, except trauma and an early grave.

“I didn’t mean that,” Damn he really lost his way after Lilith huh, every flirtation came out so naturally but now it seemed it was so unsure, no king of a whole mini word of demons should be unsure, he mentally scolded himself for being so unfit.

“Listen can we figure this out later, I still feel the pain from when I died, so I would love to sleep that off.” You say plopping yourself back on the comfy mattress. “Yes, yes of course go ahead! We’ll figure this out together hm, shedevil? Won’t leave you in the dark!” This time his exclamation sounded certain as he jumped into the bed with you, snapping his fingers so the lights blinked out. You hummed too lazy to respond and crawled underneath the covers, it was nice, warm and smelt like him, underneath the covers you felt him slip in with you, his body heat emitting off of him in waves.

You hoped your mind was less clouded tomorrow, hopefully you could have a better conversation with the king about this deal, get things sorted out.

[moonpascal]

IN THE SHADOW OF MEMORY

CHAPTER THREE I series masterlist WC: 5.6k

WARNINGS:

angst, language, nose bleed, headaches, asshole parents, pov switch, smoking, ron’s mean, roommate oc, flashback is italicized, let me know if i missed any

AUTHORS NOTE:

big thanks to the amazing @amiableness and @mischievousmoony for reading and helping me with this chapter! i love you both so much! couldn’t do it without you both!

hopefully this answers some questions you guys had! i had fun writing this!

After a restless night, you wake up feeling somewhat refreshed, though a faint unease still lingers, like a shadow just out of sight. You push the feeling aside, blaming it on the inevitable tension of the upcoming war. No one could expect to feel fully relaxed until it’s all over.

Determined to shake off the dread, you pull on your house uniform and head out to meet the trio in your usual spot, hoping the familiar routine will help steady your nerves.

As you fumble with your crooked tie, cursing under your breath at its refusal to cooperate, you’re so absorbed in the task that you don’t notice someone approaching until it’s almost too late. You barely manage to stop yourself from crashing into them. When you look up, it’s Luna, her eyes twinkling with amusement as she watches you wrestle with the stubborn knot.

“Morning,” she says softly, her voice like a gentle breeze. “Your tie seems to be having a bit of a rebellion.”

You let out a frustrated sigh, “It’s not the only thing,” you mutter, but you can’t help the small smile that tugs at your lips.

Luna steps closer, her fingers brushing against yours as she takes over the task of fixing your tie. “There,” she says, her touch light but sure. “Sometimes, things just need a little extra patience.”

You’re about to thank her when she suddenly tilts her head, looking at you with that faraway gaze she’s known for.

“I think today will be important,” she muses, as if she’s sharing a secret with the universe.

You blink, caught off guard. “What makes you say that?”

Luna smiles, a soft, knowing smile. “Just a feeling,” she replies, before turning and drifting away as if pulled by some unseen force, leaving you standing there, tie now perfectly straight, and the uneasy feeling from before somehow softened by her presence.

Reeling from your conversation with Luna, you continue walking through the castle until you spot Hermione and Ron waiting at your usual spot. But there’s no sign of Harry, which is strange—he’s always the first to arrive.

“Where’s Harry?” you ask, looking around.

“Forgot something in the library,” Ron replies, rolling his eyes. “Said he’d meet us there.”

You nod, though Ron’s irritation catches you off guard. He must’ve had a rough morning already.

The three of you head to the Great Hall and find your seats. As soon as you sit down, you start piling food onto your plate. After missing lunch and dinner yesterday, you’re starving.

The chatter of the hall is a welcome distraction, and as you bite into a piece of bacon, the savory flavor makes you sigh in contentment.

As you chew, you turn to Hermione, eager to share something that’s been on your mind. “Guess what weird piece of clothing I found in my dorm last night?” you ask, a mischievous grin spreading across your face.

Hermione raises an eyebrow, already playing along. “Don’t tell me it was Grace again?”

“It was Grace!” you laugh, enjoying how well she knows your roommate’s antics. “I found a Slytherin tie and a couple of jumpers by my bed. Honestly, I hope they didn’t do anything on my bed,” you add, making a face.

Hermione’s eyes widen, but before she can respond, you remember something else. “Oh, and I’ve been meaning to ask you guys,” you say, pulling a small locket from under your shirt.

You fumble with the chain a bit, trying to unsnag it from the loose thread on your tie. “Do you remember where I got this locket?”

You hold it up, letting the gold catch the light as you rotate it in your fingers. Ron opens his mouth to say something, but before he can get a word out, Harry suddenly appears at your side, his expression tense.

“Ron, Hermione, I need to talk to you—now,” Harry says, his voice urgent. He grabs both of them by the shoulders, startling all three of you.

“What’s going on?” you ask, but Harry’s already pulling them to their feet.

“Sorry, Trouble. We’ll be right back,” he says quickly before dragging them out of the hall, leaving you behind.

You watch them go, feeling a pang of exclusion. They’ve always had their secrets, but it still stings to be left out. You poke at your food, appetite waning, and glance around the Great Hall at the other students, all absorbed in their own lives. The noise that was comforting a moment ago now feels distant and hollow.

As you finish what you can manage, the morning owl post arrives, letters and packages dropping onto the tables. You’re surprised when two letters land in front of you instead of the usual one. You pick up the one from your parents first, already bracing yourself for the sharp words you know are coming. Carefully, you break the seal and unfold the letter.

“We heard you had an accident and fell. That is no excuse to fall behind in your studies. Make sure you catch up on any missed work immediately and seek extra credit if possible. You need to follow in your sister’s footsteps or you’ll never amount to anything—”

The words blur as a sharp pain stabs through your head. Your vision swims, and the hall around you seems to tilt.

You blink, trying to clear your head, when you see Theodore standing a few feet away, his gaze fixed on you.

“What are you doing out here?” you mutter, your voice thick with the remnants of the pain.

“I could ask you the same, Tesoro,” he replies, stepping closer. His voice is calm, but there’s an edge of concern in it. The moonlight filters through the trees, casting long shadows across the courtyard.

You turn away, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hand. “I’m not in the mood, Nott.”

He doesn’t back off. Instead, he reaches out, gently catching your arm as you start to move away. “Hey, I’m not here to cause trouble,” he says softly. “Just wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

For a moment, you consider brushing him off, but something in his voice makes you pause. You sigh, the fight draining out of you as you sink back down onto the bench.

He sits beside you, keeping a respectful distance. The silence stretches between you, but it doesn’t feel as awkward as you expected. After a while, you pull the crumpled letter from your pocket and hand it to him without a word.

He takes it, glancing at you before he starts reading. You watch his expression harden as he scans the lines, his jaw tightening with each word. When he’s finished, he folds the letter neatly and hands it back to you.

“They’re wrong, you know,” he says quietly. “You’re worth more than that.”

You look at him, surprised by the sincerity in his voice. “Thanks,” you whisper, though the words feel inadequate.

Theodore leans back, looking up at the sky. “You know, sometimes burning things like that helps,” he says casually, as if suggesting the most normal thing in the world. “It’s like telling them to go to hell.”

You blink, caught off guard by the suggestion. “Burn it?”

He nods. “Yeah. Why keep something that only hurts you?”

You consider his words for a moment, then slowly nod. “Yeah, okay. Let’s burn it.”

A small smile tugs at his lips as you take your wand out, feeling a little lighter. “Incendio,” you whisper, and the letter catches fire, the flames consuming the harsh words. You watch as the paper crumples and turns to ash, a strange sense of relief washing over you.

“Thanks, Theodore,” you say, glancing at him with a genuine smile. Somehow, he’s made the weight on your chest feel a little lighter.

“Trouble! Trouble!” Harry’s urgent voice pulls you back to reality. You’re still in the Great Hall, with Harry gripping your shoulders, his face etched with concern.

“What… what happened?” you ask, feeling disoriented. Your hand instinctively moves to your face, where you feel the warm, sticky sensation of blood trickling from your nose.

“You’re bleeding,” Harry says, his eyes wide. “We need to get you to Madam Pomfrey, now.”

“No, it’s fine,” you say, pulling away slightly. “I can go on my own. You should get to class.”

Harry hesitates, worry etched on his face, but Hermione steps in, gently pushing him aside. “I’ll stay with her,” she says, giving Harry a reassuring nod.

As you wipe the blood from your nose, Hermione takes you by the arm and guides you out of the Great Hall. You can feel the weight of curious stares from your classmates, but you focus on Hermione’s calm presence beside you.

“I don’t want to see Madam Pomfrey,” you start to protest, a hint of anxiety creeping into your voice. You know you should go, but something inside you resists. That vivid memory from earlier—it felt so real. But why was Theodore Nott, of all people, in it?

“I know,” Hermione replies softly, her voice soothing. “We’ll go to your dorm instead. You can rest there.”

Her understanding surprises you, as if she knows exactly what’s weighing on your mind. You try to piece together the memory. It lingers, just out of reach, teasing you with its importance.

You’re lost in thought, your surroundings blurring into insignificance until Hermione pulls you into your dorm room. She sits you down on your rumpled bed, her face etched with concern.

“Hermione, what’s going on?” you ask, trying to steady your racing thoughts as you notice the tension in her posture.

Hermione takes a deep breath, clearly struggling with how to begin.

“Something happened… something we didn’t want you to find out like this.”

A cold knot forms in your stomach. “What do you mean?”

She hesitates, then says carefully, “The fall you think you had… it wasn’t a fall. You were hit by a spell—by accident.”

Your mind races, trying to make sense of her words. “A spell? What kind of spell?”

“A memory charm,” Hermione says quietly, her eyes locking onto yours. “It was meant to erase specific memories. But it didn’t go as planned, and you were caught in the crossfire.”

You feel the blood drain from your face. “A memory charm… but I remember everything, don’t I?”

Hermione shakes her head slightly. “Not everything. We think it’s caused gaps, places where something important used to be but isn’t anymore.”

Your heart pounds as you try to wrap your mind around what she’s saying. “What did I forget? How much have I lost?”

“That’s the problem,” Hermione says, her voice gentle. “We can’t exactly tell you what’s missing. We’re trying to figure it out, but it’s tricky. We didn’t want to tell you until we had more answers.”

You feel a mix of fear and anger rising. “So, you were just going to let me walk around not knowing?”

“No!” Hermione says quickly. “We were going to tell you, we just needed time to understand it ourselves. But we found you unresponsive and bleeding…”

You sit in stunned silence, the weight of her words pressing down on you. “What now?” you finally ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

“We’ll work through this together,” Hermione promises. “We’ll do everything we can to help you recover what you’ve lost, or at least figure out what happened.”

Her words are meant to comfort you, but the reality of missing pieces of your life—of not knowing what’s been taken—leaves you feeling detached. Hermione remains by your side, her presence a steady source of reassurance as you struggle to process this overwhelming revelation.

Theos pov: prior day

Theo hadn’t had much time to process the chaos Potter had unleashed. The shock of learning that you no longer remembered him, followed by the sting of your angry outburst, had left him feeling numb, as if he were moving through the day in a fog. He wasn’t even sure how he had made it back to the dorm. Everything felt surreal, as if he were watching someone else’s life unravel before his eyes.

He barely registered walking into the common room. Even Mattheo’s attempts to get his attention seemed distant and muted, like he was hearing them through water. It wasn��t until Mattheo physically grabbed him by the shoulder and gave him a shake that Theo snapped back to reality.

“Salazar, Theo, you really zoned out there,” Mattheo said with a hint of concern, though he tried to keep it light. His eyes scanned the room. “Where’s Trouble?”

The question hit Theo like a punch to the gut. His body tensed, and the words he needed to say seemed to lodge in his throat. How could he possibly explain what had happened? How could he tell his best mate that he’d been secretly fighting against everything their house stood for, and that you—his girlfriend—had been caught in the crossfire?

Mattheo would probably tell him that he deserved it, that this was the price of betraying his house. Or worse, he might report it to his father, who would ensure that Voldemort dealt with Theo personally.

“She… she had a nasty fall yesterday,” Theo forced the words out, his voice strained. He hoped it would be enough to satisfy Mattheo, but his friend wasn’t so easily convinced.

“That why you disappeared last night? Is she okay?” Mattheo asked, his tone more serious now, his earlier humor fading.

“She doesn’t remember me,” Theo muttered, the words barely audible. It was the first time he’d spoken them aloud, and doing so made it all feel too real, too painful.

“What do you mean?” Mattheo asked, his expression hardening as the gravity of the situation began to dawn on him. Trouble who had been a pain in his ass and was finally tolerating you. Theo didn’t want to say it again, didn’t want to feel that same stabbing pain in his chest. But Mattheo wasn’t letting it go.

“Theo, what do you mean?” he pressed, his voice sharp and demanding.

“She remembers everything but me! Our entire relationship—gone!” Theo snapped, the frustration and despair that had been building up since the incident finally boiling over. He shoved Mattheo back, his fists clenched tightly as if ready for a fight.

The anger, the helplessness, the grief—they all mingled together, pushing him to the brink. Tears threatened to spill, but he refused to break down, not in front of Mattheo, not in front of anyone but you.

“Hey, don’t take it out on me! I’m trying to help,” Mattheo shot back, stepping closer as if to challenge him, his tone now serious and firm. Theo scoffed in response, rolling his eyes as he pushed past him, desperate to reach the solitude of his room.

Theo slammed the door behind him with a force that reverberated through the room, but he barely noticed the sound. He couldn’t breathe; it felt like the walls were closing in on him, suffocating him.

Everything he cared about—everything that mattered—had been ripped away, and he had no idea how to get it back.

His gaze swept across the room, taking in the chaotic disarray of his belongings, though none of it seemed to register fully. His bed, unmade from where you had slept just the night before, looked like a mocking reminder of what he had lost.

Your tie, casually draped over his desk, next to the book you two had been reading together every night, felt like a relic of a time that had suddenly been erased. Little parchment notes, filled with love and encouragement, were scattered across the surfaces, each one a painful echo of a relationship that now existed only in his memory.

It was unbearable.

Desperate for an outlet, Theo grabbed the nearest object—a chair—and hurled it at the floor with all his strength. The wood splintered and cracked, pieces flying in every direction. A sharp shard sliced across his cheek, but the pain was a mere blip against the emotions raging inside him. It wasn’t enough; the destruction did nothing to quell the storm.

His eyes locked onto the fire poker resting by the fireplace, an innocent object that suddenly felt like the perfect instrument for his fury. He seized it, gripping it with both hands, and began to swing wildly at his bed.

The metal struck the wooden pillars with a resounding crash, splintering the supports, shattering the structure into ruins. His yells filled the room, raw and primal, as he tore through the space, obliterating everything within reach.

When there was nothing left to destroy, when the room was nothing but a mess of shattered wood, glass shards, and torn fabric, Theo collapsed against what remained of his bed. His back slid down the broken frame until he was sitting on the floor, surrounded by the debris of his breakdown.

The numbness crept in, dulling the edges of his anger and grief, leaving him feeling hollow and lost. He stared blankly at the wall, his mind on the brink of spiraling again, unable to grasp what he was supposed to do next. How could he fix something so deeply broken?

His gaze shifted, and something caught his eye—a flash of color peeking out from under the bed. It was your jumper, partially hidden but unmistakable. He reached for it quickly, almost desperately, and when his fingers closed around the familiar fabric, he pulled it close. Dusting it off, he clutched it to his chest, his breath hitching as he buried his face in the soft material. Your scent lingered faintly, a comforting trace of you that seemed to cut through the haze of despair.

As he inhaled deeply, the tears finally came, silent and unchecked, sliding down his face as he held your jumper tighter. It was the first real release he’d allowed himself, the first moment he’d let the weight of everything truly hit him.

He had to find a way to fix this, to make things right. After his first class, he’d start working on a plan. He had to see you, make sure you were okay—and selfishly, because he couldn’t stand being apart from you any longer.

Theo rushed to class, almost knocking over several students in his haste. He didn’t bother apologizing; his mind was fixated solely on seeing you.

As he burst through the door, earning a few glances from his peers, his eyes immediately sought you out. There you were, sitting in your usual spot, and for a brief moment, Theo allowed himself to hope that maybe everything would be normal again. But as he approached and took the seat beside you, the tension in your posture made it clear he had been too optimistic.

He tensed in response, trying to keep himself together, even as the nausea of your apparent discomfort around him threatened to overwhelm him. Maybe it was a mistake to come to class instead of diving straight into research. He wasn’t sure he could handle seeing you like this, not in his current fragile state. But what about you? Were you alright?

Lavender’s voice suddenly cut through his thoughts as she asked how you were doing. Theo’s heart raced, dreading what you might say, what Lavender might tell you.

This wasn’t how you should find out—not after everything that happened this morning. So he quickly cleared his throat, giving Lavender a sharp look that silently begged her to drop the subject.

Luckily, the professor began the lesson before anyone could say more. But Theo wasn’t paying attention; his focus was entirely on you. He watched as you suddenly winced, shutting your eyes tightly and massaging your temples. His heart clenched in his chest. He knew you suffered from migraines, but this one seemed different, more intense.

Normally, Theo would offer comfort, holding your hand or rubbing your back—anything to help ease the pain. You had always said his touch brought you relief, that his warmth helped you get through the worst of it.

But now, how could he offer that comfort when you seemed so distant? The image you had of him now wasn’t the same as it was yesterday. Still, he couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.

He leaned over, pretending to need more ink, subtly brushing against you. To his relief, he noticed your body relax slightly, and he felt a small surge of pride. It seemed your body still recognized him, even if your mind was struggling.

He stayed close for the rest of the class, finding some solace in being near you, even if it wasn’t the same. When the lesson finally ended, you remained seated, your breathing shaky. Theo wrestled with himself before finally finding the courage to speak.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

His voice seemed to pull you from whatever trance you were in, and you answered him hesitantly, clearly torn between confiding in him and holding back. Theo could see the conflict in your eyes, mirroring the turmoil in his own heart. To be so close to you yet feel so distant was a cruel irony.

Tentatively, he reached out, resting his hand on yours. The familiar softness of your skin was almost too much for him to bear. The urge to pull you into his arms was overwhelming, but he resisted. And then, to his dismay, you apologized.

Of course, you would apologize. Theo deflated, disappointment crashing over him. For a fleeting moment, it had felt like everything was normal again, like this was just the aftermath of a minor argument. But reality was far harsher.

This wasn’t a simple fix, and Theo wasn’t going to get an easy resolution.

Accepting your apology was a small hurdle, but saying your name instead of the endearing terms he used to call you—amore, tesoro—hurt the most. It felt foreign, like a painful reminder of how deeply the spell had affected you.

He could see that you wanted to say more, but then you recoiled, almost tipping backward in your chair. Instinctively, Theo reached out and caught you before you could hurt yourself further.

“Whoa, easy there. What’s happening?” he nearly let amore slip out, but caught himself just in time. Before he could say anything else, you excused yourself and hurried out of the classroom. Theo watched you go, his eyes never leaving your retreating figure, wishing he could take away whatever pain you were feeling.

Determined, Theo hastily grabbed his bag and decided to skip the rest of his classes. He needed to get to the library. Madam Pince could take all the points from Slytherin for all he cared. He was going to get to the bottom of this.

Theo stood frozen in the library, staring at the seemingly endless shelves of books. He didn’t know where to start, and the thought of asking Madam Pince for help made him grimace. He didn’t have the time or patience to search the entire library by himself. With a frustrated huff, he yanked off his robe, tossed his bag onto a nearby table, and ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm his nerves before reluctantly seeking out Pince.

“Mr. Nott, shouldn’t you be in class?” Irma Pince’s voice cut through his thoughts, her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised in disapproval.

“What are the call numbers for any information on the Obliviate spell?” Theo snapped, too agitated to explain himself.

Her eyes widened slightly at his sharp tone, clearly displeased with his lack of manners. “Ten points from Slytherin, Nott,” she replied icily, before guiding him to the section he needed.

After a short walk, she pointed to the relevant shelves. “This better be for research only and not some mischief you boys are planning,” she warned, her gaze stern and unyielding.

Theo barely concealed his irritation, rolling his eyes in blatant annoyance. “Yeah, whatever,” he muttered, brushing past her to scan the shelves for useful books.

Pince stalked off, leaving him to his task. He gathered a few books and an old Daily Prophet article, his arms heavy with the weight of them. He dropped the books onto the table, pulled out some parchment, and prepared to take notes—anything that might help fix the mess he was in.

Starting with The Standard Book of Spells, Theo flipped through the pages until he found the section on the Memory Charm.

“The Memory Charm (Obliviate), also known as the Forgetfulness Charm, was a charm that could be used to erase specific memories from an individual’s mind. It was different from the spell that created false memories.”

Theo sighed, rubbing his eyes in frustration. This wasn’t new information—it was basic knowledge. Moving on, he opened the Daily Prophet article, hoping for something more useful.

“Obliviate is the incantation for a Memory Charm, a spell that erases specific memories from an individual’s mind. It is one of the most potent and potentially dangerous spells, as it can lead to severe and permanent memory loss if used incorrectly.”

His stomach churned as he read on, the words making his anxiety worse.

“The strength of the Obliviate spell depends on the caster, and in some cases, it can destroy memory so thoroughly that a witch or wizard may lose their sense of identity.”

Theo’s heart pounded in his chest. The thought of you losing yourself completely was unbearable. He couldn’t let that happen. For both your sakes—and Harry’s—this had to be fixable.

After jotting down some notes, Theo grabbed the next book, A History of Magic, and started skimming through it. Most of the information was redundant, but then his eyes caught something that made his blood run cold.

“Reversing the effects of Obliviate is extremely difficult, if not impossible in some cases. Restoration of memories may require highly specialized magical treatment and is not always successful. Memory Charms could be broken through torture.”

Theo nearly gagged. The mere thought of you being hurt, let alone tortured, was more than he could bear. He forced himself to push those dark thoughts aside, continuing to scan the text. His eyes widened as he came across a bold warning.

“Caution: If the spell is carelessly cast, the brain will be in a delicate state. If you stress this person too much or aren’t careful when trying to restore their mind/memories, the results could be unpredictable, even leading to a complete breakdown of the mind.”

“Side effects may include headaches, fainting, vomiting, bloody noses, and/or completely losing themselves. Keep the person calm, distract them, or give them a Sleeping Draught.”

Theo’s heart seemed to stop. He’d seen you suffer from a headache earlier, and now he was certain that the spell had left you in this delicate state. Despair gnawed at him as he realized how little progress he was making. The hope of finding a safe way to restore your memories was slipping through his fingers.

Reluctantly, Theo acknowledged that he needed to tell Harry what he’d found. Your friends might make things worse if they tried to help without knowing the risks. Gathering his things, Theo abruptly stood up, leaving the mess on the table behind as he hurried out of the library. He needed to find those blithering idiots—your friends—before they unintentionally made things worse.

But as Theo stepped into the hallway, he was surprised to find the castle cloaked in darkness. Hours had slipped away unnoticed, swallowed by his mounting anxiety and frantic search for answers. The realization hit him hard—he’d spent the entire day buried in books with nothing to show for it but a sense of helplessness.

He leaned against the cold stone wall, closing his eyes for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. The weight of his failure pressed down on him, but he knew he couldn’t afford to crumble now. Tomorrow, he’d have to face them—your friends. They’d have to work together, whether he liked it or not.

Theo took a deep breath, the resolve hardening within him. First thing tomorrow, Theo vowed, he’d get them involved. No matter what it took, he wouldn’t stop until everything was set right.

Morning couldn’t come soon enough. Theo barely slept, his mind too consumed with worry about you. The absence of your familiar presence beside him made the night feel endless—he longed to wake up and see your peaceful face, to trace the contours of your features like he used to. What he wouldn’t give to have that back.

He needed to reach Harry quickly; there was no time to waste. Theo jumped out of bed and dressed hurriedly, ignoring the curious glances from his dorm mates—he was never up this early. 

Bounding up the stairs to the Gryffindor entrance, he didn’t care that he irritated the portrait lady as she reluctantly let him in. Thankfully, he found Harry’s dorm room without much trouble, and quietly crept inside. Theo moved to Harry’s bed, clamping a hand over his mouth, startling him awake.

Harry jolted, wide-eyed and reaching for his wand before realizing it was Theo, which did little to ease his nerves. Theo, unbothered by Harry’s panic, rolled his eyes and pressed a finger to his lips, signaling for silence. He motioned for Harry to follow, stepping back toward the door and waiting for him to get dressed.

Once Harry left a note for Ron, the two headed out, Harry nervously trailing behind Theo. They made their way to a secluded corner of the library, where Theo suddenly stopped, causing Harry to nearly bump into him. Theo turned to face him, arms crossed, expression unreadable.

“Things are worse than I thought, Potter,” Theo began, his tone cold. “Her condition is more fragile than we realized.”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked, trying to keep his voice steady, though the guilt of what he had done was eating away at him. You had always been there for him, and now, because of him, you were suffering.

“Because you didn’t mean to cast the spell on her, it left her mind in a delicate state,” Theo explained, barely containing his frustration. “We can’t let anything stress her out. The side effects could be devastating, and we could lose her completely if we don’t handle this right.”

Harry nodded, already sensing where this conversation was headed. Despite the tension between them, he knew they had no choice but to work together. “What do we do?”

Theo sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know yet, but what I do know is that I’m the only thing missing from her memories. We need to keep researching.”

“We should tell the others too,” Harry suggested, realizing the importance of getting everyone on the same page.

Theo agreed, though with a note of urgency. “You go get them. I needed to talk to you first before they start interrupting.”

As Harry left to gather Ron and Hermione, Theo stepped out into the corridor, his nerves on edge. It had been two days since he last had a cigarette, and the stress was getting to him. He pulled one out, lit it, and inhaled deeply, letting the familiar sensation calm him as the cool morning air brushed against his face.

His thoughts drifted to you—how you’d always hold your breath when he smoked, jokingly scolding him but never actually asking him to quit. You hated the smell, but you’d still kiss him if he asked. The memory brought a small, bittersweet smile to his face.

As he spotted the trio approaching out of the corner of his eye, Theo sighed and flicked the cigarette out the window.

“So, what does this tosser want?” Ron muttered as they neared. Ron had never liked Theo, always suspecting he had ulterior motives with you.

Theo rolled his eyes. “I’m here to make sure you lot don’t make things worse,” he retorted.

Ron glared at him, ready to snap back, but Hermione quickly intervened. “You mean Trouble?” she asked, concern clear in her voice.

Theo bristled at the nickname—he always found it annoying and unoriginal. “Who else?” he replied, irritation seeping into his tone. “You have to keep her calm. There are too many risks involved, and we can’t afford to make her condition worse.”

“How do we fix it?” Hermione asked, her worry for you evident.

“We don’t know yet,” Harry admitted, “but we can’t stress Trouble out, while we figure it out.”

Theo added, his voice firm, “If she starts to realize she’s lost memories, don’t tell her what they are—especially not about me. She doesn’t remember anything about us, only what came before. If you spring it on her, it could be catastrophic.”

“Why should she remember you anyway? I’d say that’s a win, don’t you think?” Ron sneered, a smirk playing on his lips.

Harry’s eyes widened in alarm, and he quickly stepped in front of Ron, blocking Theo from moving closer. “He’s joking! We’re going to fix this,” Harry assured, trying to defuse the situation.

Theo’s jaw clenched as he struggled to keep his temper in check. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm, and rolled his head to the side before continuing.

He explained the potential side effects, what to watch out for, and how to keep you calm if a situation arose. They agreed to meet regularly throughout the week to share their findings and come up with a plan.

With everything said, the trio left Theo standing in the hallway as they headed back to the Great Hall—and to you.

Theo watched them go, the weight of the situation pressing down on him like a stone. As much as he disliked relying on Harry and his friends, he knew they were all you had now. And if they didn’t handle this right, it could ruin everything.

He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly as he tried to clear his thoughts. He needed to stay focused, to keep his head straight if they were going to find a solution. There was no room for mistakes, no second chances. They had to get this right or lose you forever.

If you enjoyed, please reblog or comment! Your words keep me motivated to write.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[vigilskeep]

back and even bulkier with another powerpoint! i opted for spreading the information out in a hopefully engaging way over limiting the number of slides. the circle is a BIG, big topic, with such focus over the course of the games, so if i didn't cover anything useful, you want to know anything more specific, or equally if i made a mistake and missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know ily!!

transcript below the cut! my eternal thanks to @bisexualcommandershepard for providing one for the previous powerpoint and in doing so reminding me to get my act together, you have my sword

zevsurana’s guide to the circle of magi

can’t tell your circles from your chantries from your colleges from your conclaves? boy, do i have the powerpoint for you!

hit me with the basics

under the law of the orlesian chantry, every mage is required to join the circle

a mage who does not join the circle, or escapes one, is labelled an apostate, a crime punishable by death or tranquillity

tranquillity is the process by which mages are branded on the forehead, robbing them of their emotions and magic

at the end of their apprenticeship, each mage is taken without warning to their harrowing. they must choose between being sent into the fade for a dangerous test against possession, or tranquillity.

it is illegal to make harrowed mages tranquil, but they are still required to live under the circle’s supervision

depending on which text you believe, there are 14 or 15 circles under orlais’ chantry.

[this slide is accompanied by an image of a map of thedas. there are small markers spread across the map on 12 locations, mostly in orlais and the free marches, but included everywhere except tevinter and seheron.]

these are the known locations!

i didn’t include starkhaven’s, which was destroyed in a fire at the start of da2, or jainen’s, which is mentioned in an online game but as another circle in ferelden makes the dao plot make no sense. i suppose that would have gotten us up to 14 but i’m not doing it. cope

hierarchy of the circle

there are six ranks:

the grand enchanter is the mages’ direct representative to the divine. in our time, this is grand enchanter fiona, who famously stated “fuck the divine”

the first enchanter leads each circle. theoretically, their permission is needed for a mage to leave the tower, for a harrowing, and for a mage to be made tranquil. in practice, their actual power depends hugely on their political skill and their corresponding knight-commander

the senior enchanters are the most experienced mages in a circle, and advise the first enchanter, who will select one of them as their successor

those who have gained the rank of enchanter (also known as junior enchanters) are now expected to mentor apprentices

the simple rank of mage designates those who have passed their harrowing. an inhabitant of the circle fully capable of magic might say “i’m not a mage, just an apprentice”

the apprentices are children and young adults who have not yet completed their harrowing

outside of this hierarchy are the tranquil. they instead belong to the ‘formari’, who perform enchantment and sell enchanted items to produce the circle’s wealth

(it’s really important to me that you know the different ranks usually have different coloured robes to mark them out. i can’t explain that all here because it varies from circle to circle and we don’t have all the data but i think that’s so fun that i have to point it out even though it makes this slide super crowded i hate it i’m sorry)

politics of the circle: what are those first enchanters even doing?

an ideal first enchanter should govern their circle as a quasi-parental figure who can protect their mages while maintaining an uneasy balance and accord with the templars

they are also an administrator managing their circle’s finances

a weak or unskilled first enchanter can spell doom for their circle just as much as one at odds with their knight-commander

the college of magi is a council of all first enchanters

the college regularly meets in cumberland, nevarra, to discuss circle policy and elect the grand enchanter from among them

politics of the circle: what’s this about frat boys?

once a mage achieves the rank of enchanter, they may join a political fraternity

choose your fighter:

the largest fraternity, the aequitarians, are centrists

the loyalists are chantry bootlickers

the libertarians seek greater power and independence for the circle. the resolutionists are an even more radical group that emerged from them

the isolationists wish mages to withdraw from society completely

the lucrosians prioritise the accumulation of wealth and influence

the aequitarians maintained an alliance with the loyalists until the final vote to rebel, when wynne’s son rhys, asked to represent the aequitarians by first enchanter irving, voted with the libertarians

that was a lot of politics.

let’s take a breather because we haven’t even gotten to history yet oh boy

[this slide is accompanied by two pieces of dragon age concept art of white-haired mage women casting spells. one is an older human white woman who may be wynne, dressed in ornate robes and casting purple magic with a casually imperious gesture. the other is the concept art for warden surana, an angry-looking young elven white woman with a palm full of icy magic.]

hot circle mage concept art break. of course you have white hair and [caps lock begins] one thousand points lightning damage-- [caps lock ends]

but where do circles come from, i hear you cry

well, when two semi-circles love each other very much,

the year is 1:20 divine, and our questionable hero is kordillus drakon…

the circles had existed long before this, of course, in a very different form: elite tevinter academic societies

but right now, the south is in chaos. the first inquisition’s reign is coming to a close. the second blight is fifteen years underway with no sign of stopping any time soon, and will rage until 1:95 divine

kordillus drakon, the very first emperor of orlais, has a budding empire and a budding chantry that look like they might die in the cradle… unless he can continue enlisting mages against the darkspawn

we may wish to take a moment to register that kordillus drakon apparently looked like this. Sure.

[this slide is accompanied by concept art of kordillus drakon. he is blond white man in vaguely iron age dress, with an interesting hair cut including bangs, a high half ponytail and a very large moustache. he wears a swamp-green cloak and a black fur pelt over a green and white striped tunic, with a hand-axe slung through his belt, and crossed garters over whatever combination boots and pants he's wearing, which seems to be one singular garment.]

the solution to drakon's problem?

the nevarran accord

“what do video game enjoyers love? fantasy historical treaties? yeah, probably” – bioware, constantly

and they’re right unless you’re a joyless hater

the nevarran accord was agreed between the newly formed chantry and the original inquisition in 1:20 divine

the people of the south feared magic, but they also wanted to be able to use its power against great threats like the darkspawn

in one move, the circle of magi, the seekers of truth, and the templar order were created

some mages considered the circle a refuge in a world full of terror. to others, it was a prison

but this is dragon age, so maker forbid we would only be told one version of events

there is also a codex entry called ‘history of the circle’

it describes the mages of the divine age as chafing under being allowed to do little more than light candles and lamps for the chantry… as if there wasn’t a fucking blight going on

in protest, mages snuffed out the eternal flame in the grand cathedral at val royeaux, and barricaded themselves in the choir loft. divine ambrosia ii attempted to call an exalted march on her own cathedral, but even her templars discouraged her

shouted negotiations were conducted for 21 days before the mages “went cheerily into exile” in a remote fortress, separated from society into the circle for “the first time”

nerd's note:

personally, i would understand this as the circle as an organisation being created with the accord in 1:20 divine, and the mages being relegated to this lesser role after the greatest battles against the darkspawn, with the establishment of circle of magi towers after the protest. there’s no date of events on this codex, but since it mentions templars, it has to have been post-accord.

i would also take this account with a grain of salt in-world, as it was written by sister petrine, a controversial writer to the chantry, but nonetheless a chantry scholar.

this has been a lot of chatter about mages. but there’s an elephant in the room, and it’s looking at us suspiciously…

the circle and the templar order

the circle does supposedly have nominal independence from the chantry…

Knight-Commander Greagoir: I promised you aid, but with the Circle restored, my duty is to watch the mages. They are free to help you, however. Warden: I thought the templars were in charge of the Circle. Knight-Commander Greagoir: The templars guard and advise, but the first enchanter has the last word in what happens in the Circle.

...

Warden: Won’t the Circle of Magi do what the Chantry says? Alistair: Technically the Circle of Magi is independent. We don’t know that the Chantry won’t support us, of course. Morrigan: You truly believe that? Alistair: If we speak to the First Enchanter, he should see that his responsibility to the Grey Wardens supersedes anything the Chantry or even Teyrn Loghain might have to say about it.

… but since when has power ever gone where it’s supposed to?

as world of thedas volume 1 explains, “Although the Circle is supposed to be autonomous, a heavy Templar presence in all Circle towers has effectively made the organisation an arm of the Chantry for ages.”

a first enchanter can quickly lose all the power they allegedly hold

even in the best of times with a skilful, well-intentioned first enchanter, templars reserve the right to send mages to the dungeons, to take away their children, to kill any who leave the circle, etc. as a matter of course

grand clerics reserve the right to grant the right of annulment

generally, the system is maintained by a mutual interest in avoiding open conflict

the templars are the ones in power with the chantry’s full support. if they drive the mages to open conflict, their comfortable routine is uprooted

templars are equipped to hunt down individual mages, even blood mages and abominations

templars are not equipped to be outnumbered or face even numbers. mages are simply far more powerful in a fair fight than they are. lyrium can only do so much

...

mages, meanwhile, operate under the not entirely unfounded belief that the outside world is entirely hostile to them

at least if they remain, they can keep an uneasy balance in which most mages survive, their existence tolerated by the chantry. they can continue studying among their own kind in the only home they know

if they openly rebel, they may throw aside what limited protections and goodwill they have. mages like wynne outright state certainty that if they rebel, “genocide” will follow

furthermore, those mages with more status have more access to privilege. they’re also the ones who have best passed the chantry’s tests. thus, those in a position to lead are least inclined to rebel

you only rebel against the circle because you think less of your children are going to die starting a war than they are in here.

and, uh, on that cheery note… any questions from the class?

[drdemonprince]

Hi Dr. Price,

I’m a huge fan of your work and I’ve found it immensely helpful in figuring out who I am.

In recent years I’ve discovered I am both AuDHD and Bi. My partner is also Bi and very supportive. However we have been together for over a decade and I’m struggling a lot lately with the fact that I’ve never actually been with anyone else. I’ve been spending a lot of time in queer spaces online and finding myself wishing I could at least experience some of what they do.

I love her more than anything and would never do anything to hurt her. She’s not interested in opening things up in any way, which I completely respect and to be fair I’m not even sure that’s truly something I would want either.

I guess I’m just asking if you have any advice on these overwhelming feelings of missing out on aspects of life I never knew I even missed? Other than using porn to get it out of my mind as I’m worried that’s affecting our relationship sexually, which is another issue. Should I find a dating sim game or something to push all of these thoughts on to? It’s kind of messed up but I feel like if I was allowed to flirt online and not actually act on it that might satisfy me? I don’t know.

If nothing else thank you so much for your work and giving me a space to get this off my chest. ❤️

Because I am of the mind that most longings for queer expression/recognition/community cannot and should not be met with media consumption, I'm not going to tell you that there is any kind of game that can simulate queer erotic contact in a way that will be remotely satisfying for you.

You and your partner's desires for your relationship and its boundaries are important and matter, but alongside that, I would also encourage you to listen to that urge that tells you that you'd love to flirt online with a sexy queer stranger as a way to let a little of the steam off.

The wants you are feeling are real, and when disregarded or left unattended they can spiral out in all kinds of unpleasant ways, from just regular garden variety frustration, to resentment, to conducting years long emotional affairs with agoraphobic instagram thot boys you met online (not that I know anything about that).

You want to be recognized by another queer person as a sexually desirable, available person, you want to feel the rush of a developing romance, you want the future to be filled with possibility and excitement, you want to know that your life is not over and that there's still more to learn about yourself and more experiences to enjoy -- these are all good things. These are important things, and I promise you that it is very unlikely that you won't get to experience more desire, attraction, sexual contact, romance, and heartbreak in the years to come.

Most relationships end. Those that last more than a couple of years undergo dramatic shifts over the course of their tenure. And so, it is very likely that you and your partner will either eventually split, or your various desires and capacities will become incompatible in certain ways, and you will contemplate some kind of change to the relationship dynamic (or someone will fail to communicate this and cheat. hopefully not that one. But if it does happen, well. It's very common and not the end of the world or even necessarily the end of the bond).

How does it feel to confront this information? That in all likelihood, this relationship will either end, open up in some way, change dramatically in its dynamic, or be marked by one or both parties stepping out in some way, however small, be it an online flirtation or a kiss at a party or a sexual affair? I think your feelings in response to that information is important too. And that regardless of what you and your partner decide for the time being, it is an important series of potentialities to reflect on and emotionally prepare oneself for. Also worth asking: are these potential futures ones that you can speak to your partner about? One of them will likely be headed for you in time, not through any fault of your own or due to lack of love, but simply because people change and relationships develop, just like a person develops. Whether or not these are subjects that can be broached is itself valuable information, too.

Now personally, I am very biased, but I think there is very little harm in having some virtual sex with a consenting stranger, roleplaying sexy interactions online, even getting on a dating or cruising app and posting a few anonymized photos and seeing what kind of attention you get and enjoying the rush. I think that kind of thing is all within the realm of the harmless and forgivable, but hey, my sister just ended an engagement over her fiance doing that kind of thing, so not everyone agrees with me clearly.

But I think it is worth at least contemplating the full, long continuum of infidelity that exists, from having a whole secret other marriage and family and keeping a partner in the dark about it on one end, say, and making bedroom eyes with a cute person at the bar and fantasizing about what if what if what if, on the other. If your partner did anything along that whole continuum, you might be hurt, and likewise they might be if you do.

You say you love your partner more than anything and would never do anything to hurt her. But you can't really promise yourself that. Every partner hurts one another in some way or another, sometimes even intentionally, over the course of a long relationship. But hurting one another in a relationship is, also, not the end of the world. We all make mistakes, say things we regret, lose control of our faculties at times, or are simply forced to reconcile that what we need conflicts with what another person does. And sometimes we put our needs first, even though it's uncomfortable.

I don't regret the times I cheated. I regret the lack of communication and cowardice that brought me to that half-formed, unarticulated decision. But I don't regret ever having chosen to listen to needs that had been powerfully screaming inside of me, typically for years before I attended to them.

I think you and your partner should continue having very frank conversations about these topics, and do your best to regulate your own anxieties and feelings of relationship threat when the other party brings up an activity or an idea that makes the other feel scared. The choice isn't to remain monogamous or to become fully polyamorous with no hierarchy. There are a lot of activities you can both decide are either okay or not okay, and conditions under which you will engage in them.

Even what counts as "monogamy" is subject to fierce debate, that's part of why so many jealous straight people destroy one another so easily. Is texting someone you think is cute in a flirtatious but ultimately just friendly way cheating? Is dancing with someone else cheating? What kind of dancing is okay and is not? Is cuddling on the couch? Working on erotica together? Kissing? Is watching porn with someone else cheating? Is masturbating to a video they sent you?

You might have a very visceral response to these questions, but those are just like, your opinions. They are not set in stone and you can easily find another monogamous person who is just as adamant about completely opposing rules and definitions of what monogamy means to them. And so, it's worth talking with your partner and really being honest with yourself about what it is you want to do, what is decidedly off the table, and what the hell it even is that you two are talking about when you discuss your relationship and its limits.

If it were me, and if I could wave a wand and make you and your partner feel okay about and agree to a set of relationship limits, I think you should consider flirting with actual queer people online. But I can't control other people's behavior or emotions, as much as I have tried. But you can at least contemplate (and then discuss) alternate ways of getting the kind of attention that you desire.

There are lots of things you can do to scratch your itch that are not having sex or dating someone else: LARPing (there is larping that has a sexual or romantic component!). Tabletop games. Acting or improv that incorporates romantic or sexual elements. Going to a sex party and just WATCHING people do stuff. Going to a gay bar and just hanging out and socializing. Going to a cruising bar and watching people fuck. Going to a dungeon for a class or a demo. Going on gay speed dating but secretly agreeing that you're not actually going to take anybody home, you're just gonna see how it feels. Wearing a slutty outfit to pride and waving and winking at people. Exchanging heartfelt letters with a queer friend who you have chemistry with but who respects your relationship.

These are just some ideas, but the possibilities are limitless. One day, you and your partner might agree that you are open to having sex with other people, or flirting, but not to them having other lasting relationships. maybe you'll have threesomes together or one partner will watch the other fuck casual hook-ups. Or maybe you'll just break up. Who knows what the future holds! No matter what it is, you can figure it out with both love and commitment to your partner, but also the courage to name what you are feeling and to honor your desires. None of those things have to be incompatible, and monogamy doesn't have to be incompatible with getting a little thrill here and there either.

Good luck!

[ozzgin]

So @moonthundersoldier requested a Predator x Reader headcanon and I have to say, I took my time with it as an excuse to watch Prey and whip out my dusty old comics. I‘m a big fan of Alien and Predator and this was my chance to finally try my hand at it! Hopefully it turns out alright.

Various Predators x Predator! Reader Headcanons

Featuring various Yautja types that independently find and court a mysterious reader raised by humans.

Part 1: Meeting

Part 2: Courting

Part 3: Mating

Backstory

The earliest memory you have of your parents consists only of their wide backs as they hastily controlled the ship, looking for a new hunting ground. You were born to a pair of bad bloods that have been exiled by their clan. They were loudly typing in the parameters for the landing, which so far wasn’t looking gracious. Just as the ship brushed against Earth‘s atmosphere, a foreign vessel appeared behind. Judging by the angry growls of your parents, it wasn’t a good thing.

You of course don’t recall any of it, but what followed was a swift battle once the landing jets touched the ground. The second ship opened up without delay and several Predators in stark white armor marched their way out. They were enforcers, dispatched to hunt down criminals such as your parents. As they finished their gruesome task, they noticed the remaining heat radiating from the cockpit. Had they missed a member? Then again, the overall shape was too small for a regular man. One of the officers climbed into the collapsed remains of the ship and spotted you. Troublesome. He nonchalantly grabbed your carrier and walked out, showing the cause of mild concern to the others. The important things such as weapons were to be returned to Yautja Prime, anything else destroyed. So, what were they supposed to do with you?

The answer was found rather quickly, as their helmets notified them of approaching life forms. Most likely wild animals, in which case you would also be taken care of. The suckling of fugitives could hardly integrate back in the clan. This was for the best. So they quickly discarded the remaining wreckage and boarded their vessel once again.

“Oh God, what is that?” a tall man shouts as he approaches your abandoned carrier, holding tight onto the shotgun. “Some sort of creature…Be careful!”

The plump woman with a sunburned face that had followed behind was now just a few inches from you, bending over with genuine curiosity. “Are you serious right now? Put that shotgun down, it’s a baby!” Seemingly unperturbed by your unusual appearance, she picked you up and briefly analyzed your features before lifting your carrier and turning around. “Let’s go, I’m not leaving a child behind. We’ll figure it out.”

Reader’s countryside life

And so you were raised by honest, loving and - most importantly - human farmers. Since you’ve been equipped with proper, superior intelligence, it has been easy for you to acquire the human language. The clicks and growls were slowly replaced with fully articulated words. Save for your reptilian appearance, you are otherwise an authentic member of the family.

You might have the docile, caring behavior of a human, but your predator instincts have not been discarded. You’re taller and stronger than your “relatives”, and the more dangerous labor of guarding or hunting has been in your hands for many years now. The old shotgun now serves as a dusty wall decoration, it could never compete with your claws, speed and ferocity. Your heart remains that of a hunter.

Eventually it becomes a vague gossip within the cities of Yautja Prime that one of their own might be roaming Earth, completely unaware of their roots. A Predator woman, trained by humans. What would the outcome be? Curiosity peaks for certain Predators and they can’t help but wish to see you with their own eyes. Maybe the different backgrounds would provide future younglings with unknown exotic advantages.

Your peaceful life comes to an end when the first of many suitors descends onto the bizarre planet and manages to track you down. The first encounter leaves you speechless: are there more individuals like you out there? You feel relief flushing over you as the knowledge of similar creatures settles in. You weren’t alone, after all. And soon enough you even learn to describe what you’ve always questioned about yourself. You’re a Yautja, a Predator.

Predators meeting the reader

You’ve really caught the feral Predator’s eyes. He has parted ways with modern technology a long time ago and prefers to hunt with minimal tools. He finds your way of surviving very similar to his tribal lifestyle, relying more on strength and agility that have been polished in raw nature. He’s the one that teaches you the native language and tells you about the Homeworld, though he suspects you come from a different hemisphere. He likes to observe the tactics you’ve developed to hunt the animals of this world and shares his own experience and tips with you. He has grown fond of the wilderness on this planet and plans to propose that the two of you build a family away from the needless hassle of cities. If there’s such a thing as a soul mate, then Black Warrior has entrusted him to be yours.

The visit you receive from an elite Predator is not as cozy. He watches you from afar and notices your interactions with the humans. His guide marks them as targets, so why are you acting all chummy with boring prey? They don’t seem to have combat skills and yet you bring them game and offer protection. He refuses to believe that you’ve been in some way enslaved, bringing shame to your kind. He decides to confront you and demand answers. Having learned the language, you explain that this is your clan, the family that raised you. You’re a bit annoyed that this complete stranger is bringing in his hierarchies and social constructs as some sort of universal law. You do not care for his philosophy of power and warn him to be respectful of the customs here. Aha, there it is. Your imposing figure and assertive threats confirm to him you’re a proper Yautja despite the circumstances. His initial frown is replaced by a satisfied expression. Don’t worry, your potential won’t go to waste in this dump of weaklings. He’ll take you home with him and show you the true meaning of a Predator family. Even if he has to fight you a little for it.

This fugitive bad blood has finally found you. He’d known your parents for a long time and heard about their demise, but he never expected they’d leave an offspring behind. He scans your figure with a certain impertinence, pleased by what he sees. Should he kill the humans and capture you as his mate? It’s certainly the most entertaining option. He smugly shows you his trophy belt, bearing the skulls of defeated prey, and asks you if your little creatures deserve a spot. You assume a fighting stance and erratic clicking sounds erupt from his chest, most likely a laugh. You have no tools and you’ve only ever fought…what…little Earth piglets half the size of a Predator Hound? But it’s alright, he wants a feisty mother for his children. Give your best shot.

By far the most challenging admirer has been the Berserker. You can see the similarity between the two of you, but the blood red eyes are unlike all the other Predators you’ve encountered before. Merely seconds after discovering your presence, the creature attempted to dominate you and you had to trash your way out of its grasp. You try to assess the situation but have little time to contemplate before the next attack occurs. He’s heavier and larger than you or the other Predators and as much as you hate to admit, taking him down could prove difficult. What does he want? He thankfully hasn’t redirected his aim towards your family, and if he so desired he may have killed you by now. He retracts his claws and turns to face you once again. He’s mocking you, not even keeping his guard up. But there’s something else in his eyes, a primal urge that sends cold shivers down your spine. He’s going to make you his.

[sinnersweets]

DogDay x Reader part 15

<-----part 14

I slept for about four hours before DogDay woke me up saying he needed to head out and that I should go home and rest up. I didn’t want to leave but I needed to run errands and make some calls. DogDay then carried me to the cable car and continued to hold onto me while we waited. “So, what are you going to do about CatNap?” “I can’t talk to him now but later tonight I’ll have a word with him. I’ll also talk to Sarah; see if she knows why he’s acting like that.” I nodded and leaned into his chest. I started thinking about some stuff; that is until I remembered something very important. 

Its Damians birthday today. 

“Oh my gosh! It’s Damians birthday today!” I looked up at DogDay and said, “I can’t leave, it’s his birthday and I wanted to spend it with him.” “Oh man, I had nearly forgotten about his birthday; but Angel you’re not looking the best right now. I think you should just go home and rest up there.” I shook my head no and said, “I can rest up in the infirmary. I need to tell Damian happy birthday and tell him the good news.” With a heavy sigh DogDay nodded and carried me inside Home Sweet Home and had one of the doctors look at me. 

--------------- 

Surprisingly I didn’t break anything, just had bruises. The doctor gave me Tylenol and was about to leave when he suddenly said, “I hear you’re taking Damian.” I swallowed the pills and replied, “Yes, I take him home tomorrow.” The doctor smiled and nodded while saying, “He’s a good kid, always past the tests with flying colors. We were this close to having him-” The doctor suddenly stopped talking and laughed nervously. “Having him what?” I asked. “Nothing, I misspoke. Get some rest Ms. Y/N.” The doctor quickly exited the room before I could say anything else.  

--------------- 

It had been two hours and already I was feeling much better. Laying down was starting to bore me so I decided that I would go out and try to find Damian. 

When I exited Home Sweet Home, I spotted Hoppy playing hopscotch with her group and KickenChicken playing duck duck goose with his group. I couldn’t help but smile. Seeing them interact with the kids made me feel happy. I would miss them both, even if KickenChicken did hit on me from time to time. Hopefully DogDay will convince them to leave here and come with me. 

Hoppy spotted me and called me over to her group. “Hey Y/N! Wanna play some hopscotch with us?” I politely declined and asked her if she had seen Damian. “Oh yeah little dude! I think he and DogDay are in the Playhouse.” I could feel my palms getting sweaty just thinking about going back into the Playhouse. Three hours of hiding and not getting caught. “Y/N? You okay?” I shook my head and focused back on Hoppy. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. On second thought, I think I will join you for a game.” Hoppy smiled and said, “Atta girl!” She then took my hand and led me over to her group. 

--------------- 

Once I played a few games of hopscotch KickenChicken then called me over to play a new game with his group. I really wanted to go see Damian, but he hasn’t come out of the Playhouse yet. With a heavy sigh I agreed and KickenChicken held onto my hand and led me to his group. 

“Ms. DogDay!” is what KickenChicken’s group yelled out when they saw me. Even though I wasn’t in uniform they still called me that; it was cute. “Hello.” I waved at them with my free hand. “Looks like I don’t need to introduce you Ang- I mean Y/N.” I gave a small smile to KickenChicken. “Thank you for using my name, now can you please let go of my hand? Your feathers are making my hand itch.” “Oh sure, sorry.” KickenChicken then let go of my hand and I softly scratched my hand that he was holding. 

I looked around and didn’t see Emily around. Thinking back to when I was with Hoppy I didn’t notice Edward around either. “Hey Kicken, where’s Emily today?” “She hasn’t been scheduled in a couple of days, not sure why though... In fact I think most of the helpers haven't been put on the schedule; you and Sarah seem to be the only ones here.” “Huh, I wonder why.” KickenChicken shrugged his shoulders and said, “Makes no difference to me. I can handle these kids all on my own. Now to our game.”  

KickenChicken decided to play red light, green light which I was all for it. I was chosen to be the one who says the words while he and his group tried to get to me. I headed up to the duck pond and turned around before saying, “Red light green light one two three!” I quickly turned around and everyone froze in place. I then turned back around, repeated the words, and turned around even faster next time. Some kids moved up a little bit while others moved and got out.  

“Red light green light one two three!” When I turned around, I was surprised to see both DogDay and Damian playing along. DogDay was the closest one to me while Damian was a few feet behind him. I swallowed hard as I knew that DogDay would get me. I slowly turned back around and said, “Red light- AHH!” “I gotcha Angel!” DogDay picked me up and gave me a gentle squeeze. “Haha, seems like you did.” DogDay then put me down and I smiled over to Damian and walked towards him. “Happy birthday kiddo!” I held out my arms towards him and he happily ran up to me and hugged me. “Thank you, Ms. Y/N. Mr. DogDay said you needed to speak with me?” I looked over to DogDay and he gave me a thumbs up. “Uh yes, I have a present for you.” Damians eyes gleamed with joy. “We’ll be down the hill when you’re done Angel.” Before he walked away DogDay kissed the top of my head and ruffled up Damians hair a little bit. “Talk to ya later Y/N.” I heard KickenChicken call out to me while he and DogDay walked down the hill together. 

I took Damians hand in mine and I led him over to the duck pond. “Go ahead and have a seat.” I said gently to him. Damian sat down and looked at me with patience but also curiosity. I took a seat next to him and suddenly felt nervous telling him that I was now his mom. “So um, how is your birthday going so far?” “It’s alright. Mr. DogDay gave me another card.” “Ah yes, he told me that’s what he normally gets you. Not to sound rude to DogDay, but I think my gift is much better than that.” Damian smiled at me. “Okay let me not stall anymore.... tomorrow will be our last day here because I have officially adopted you and I am taking you to your new home tomorrow.”  

Damian just stared at me for a couple of seconds before he said, “You mean you adopted me? And I get to go with you?” Suddenly Damian started crying. “Damian are you-” I was cut off when Damian jumped on me and gave me a very tight hug. “I can’t believe I finally got adopted! You're my mom now! Does that mean Mr. DogDay is now my legal dad?” I cleared my throat and chuckled nervously while saying, “No, me and DogDay are not married.” Damian looked at me and said, “But is he coming with us?” My heart sank when he asked that. “Not right now. I am trying to make it possible so that he can come with us; and everyone else too.” I then explained what my plan was to Damian and I’m not sure if he fully understood it, but he smiled and seemed excited about it. 

--------------- 

Once I finished talking with Damian, I led us both down over to DogDay. When we reached the bottom, my phone started ringing and I handed Damian over to DogDay while I checked to see who was calling me. “Hello? Yes, this is her. Uh huh. Really? That’s wonderful! Yes yes I’ll be there in an hour! Thank you!” “You seem excited Angel.” I squealed in excitement as I said, “I just got a call from the city and my request for a plot of land has been accepted! I need to head over there and start planning everything!” “Really? That’s amazing Angel!” “I don’t know what that means but yay Ms. Y/N! I mean mom!” 

I hugged Damian goodbye and stood on my tippy toes and gave DogDay a kiss on his nose. “I’ll call you after I finish, okay?” DogDay smiled lovingly at me while saying, “I already miss you Angel, but I look forward to your call.” “Bye mom! See you tomorrow!” “Bye, I love you both!” “We love you too!” I waved goodbye and headed over to the cable car, excited to get started on my project. It’s all coming together.  

A/N: THANK YOU FOR 500+ FOLLOWERS!! TRULY NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER GET THERE! I LOVE ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS <3

(If you wanna be tagged in the next part lemme know in the comments!)

@my-anime-garden

[shadesslut]

loving her was red, pt 3

MINORS DNI

Pairing: Dark!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

Content Includes: Smut, drinking

Summary: As Ethan gets her back, he realizes how harder it's going to be to keep her safe.

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7

✮

✮

✮

Ethan had a plan. He was going to one, get Y/N back, and two, kill that motherfucker Chad. That night after Y/N ended things with Ethan, he started planning out strategies. He had multiple ways to try to get her back, but he was full of anxiety, afraid it wouldn’t work. He texted Anika and asked if everyone was still going to the party the next day, and to her knowledge she said yes. Now, at this point, he wanted to try and patch things up with Chad, regain his trust and friendship. 

Chad was sat on the edge of his bed, slipping his old cowboy boots on. He sighed as he glanced at himself in his mirror. He was clad in a tan cowboy hat, an old faded red bandana that sat around his neck, and blue jeans. Normally, he would be confident in himself being shirtless, but after the event that happened the previous night, he wasn’t feeling so confident. 

He sent a text to Mindy telling her he was on his way to pick her and Anika up. He huffed as he heard a knock on his door, standing up and swiftly opening the door. He was met with Ethan who had a nervous expression shown on his face. 

“Hey, can we talk?” 

Chad looked at him with a blank state. “I don’t want to talk to you.” 

Chad walked around him and headed into the kitchen, Ethan following behind. “Look, I get that you hate me and rightfully so,” Ethan started as Chad reached into the fridge for a beer. “I’m really sorry, and if it makes it any better I stopped seeing her.” Chad slammed the fridge door shut and twisted the lid off the bottle. He looked at Ethan as he took a swig. 

“I care more about our friendship, Chad. I was an idiot.” 

Chad nodded as he took another sip, which led to Ethan trying to hold back a smile. 

“You’re my best friend. No girl is more important.” It was all lies, she was more important than Chad. She was more important than everything. 

Chad leaned his back against the counter as he thought about what Ethan said. “You’re my best friend too,” Chad said. Ethan looked at him and smiled cheerfully. 

“But, what you did was fucked up. You said you wouldn’t do anything, and literally right after, I walk in on your tongue shoved down her throat.”  

Ethan looked down as he nodded. “You’re right, but when you told me about your crush, we were already seeing each other. I should’ve told you, I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” 

Chad sighed at Ethan’s words. He blinked rapidly trying to make the tears go away. “You’re done with her? Even as friends?” He asked hopefully. 

“I’m done with her. I won’t talk to her again.”

Chad solemnly smiled as he held his hand out to Ethan. Ethan took his hand and pulled him into a hug. “I missed you.” He said, patting Chad’s back. 

Chad chuckled at him as he pulled away. “It’s been one day dude.”

Ethan laughed along with him, putting his hands in his pockets. “I know, but I had to play Valorant last night without you.” 

The two laughed at Ethan’s words, like nothing even happened. Chad told him to go put his costume on so they could leave for the party, and as Ethan changed he thought of how dumb Chad was for forgiving him. 

—

On the way to the party, Ethan noticed Mindy glancing at him the entire time. He brushed it off as Chad wrapped his arm around his shoulder. 

“Hey, Y/N said she and Tara just got there.” Anika said looking up from her phone. At the sound of her name, the two boys looked at each other awkwardly. Chad nodded at Anika. 

As the group approached the frat house, Ethan felt giddy at the thought of seeing Y/N again. He could barely hear anything as the music grew louder further into the party. He stepped around intoxicated people as he followed Anika into the kitchen, hoping to lose Chad in the process. Anika poured two shots for the both of them, handing one to Ethan. “You know I don’t drink, Anika.” he said looking into the shot.

“Just loosen up, maybe it’ll get rid of your nerves. Then you can find a girlfriend.” she squealed, drawing out the ‘d’ in ‘girlfriend’. 

He smiled embarrassedly and scrunched his nose. “I don’t need a girlfriend.” he stated as he forced himself to down the shot. Anika cheered at him and followed with downing her shot. “Where’s Y/N?” 

Anika shrugged and looked around. “Somewhere,” 

Ethan heard someone shout his name, and he whipped his head towards the sound. His face fell once he saw it was Tara. “Hey, Ethan,” she yelled once again. He nodded at her, stepping closer to her. She was wearing a cheap pirate costume, with a silky bandana on her head.

“Hi Tara, what’s up?” He answered. 

She waved at someone briefly. who passed by before turning back to Ethan. “Y/N was talking about you earlier.” 

Ethan’s eyes lit up at Tara. Of course she was talking about him; he knew that she cared about him more than just a casual hookup. This proved his theories, about her, she loved him, in the way he loved her. “I wouldn’t be smiling like that if I were you.” 

Oh.

“W-Why?” Ethan stammered, now worried. 

Tara rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. “She said she wished you didn’t come, something about a fight with Chad.” Chad. He was the bane of Ethan’s existence. Oh, how he would love to plunge a knife deep in his chest. 

“Oh, well, Chad and I are good now.” 

“What happened?” she asked, smiling mischievously, leaning forward on her elbows that were resting on the counter. Ethan knew this look, Y/N did it all the time. Tara was trying to get him to fess up using her looks to her advantage; it almost worked on Ethan if he wasn’t so in love with Y/N. 

He couldn’t even answer before Y/N came rushing in after Tara. She stumbled next to her tugging on her arm. “Tara! Jesus Christ, did you tell him?” she yelled drunkenly at her. Ethan’s eyes traced over her body as the two girls argued. She was wearing her Tiffany Valentine costume like she had said, but she didn’t go into detail about how much her dress hugged her curves. Her breasts looked like they were spilling out at the top, and her ass was basically out for everyone to see. His eyes trailed down her legs, where she wore black lace stockings. God, if he could, he would absolutely ravish her on the kitchen counter.

“You literally said you didn’t care if he knew.” Tara argued with her. Y/N rolled her eyes as she groaned at her friend. She hadn’t looked at Ethan once. 

“Whatever,” Y/N said, reaching over for a bottle of liquor. Tara smiled playfully before walking away from the two, swinging her hips as she walked out. He looked back at Y/N, who was pouring the liquor in a shot glass, to the brim. 

Ethan rushed to put his hands on hers. “Woah, woah, you should pace yourself.” He warned her. She jerked her hand away from him, and glared as she downed the whole shot. She winced slightly. “Can we talk?” 

She shook her head as she began to pour another shot. He sighed as he watched her fill up the glass again. “Stop.” He said, grabbing at her hands again. She cursed at him as she tried to yank her hands away. His grip stayed strong on the glass, before she pulled really harshly on the glass. His fingers slipped on the glass causing her to pull it back towards her, spilling it on her dress. Her eyes watered as she looked up at him, then looked at her dress. 

“Y/N…I’m, I’m so sorry,” 

“You’re such a dick.” she yelled. She stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Ethan. He immediately chased after her, following her to a bathroom. She was wringing out her dress in her fists over the sink, softly crying. His eyes threatened to water as he stepped in and closed the door, locking it. 

“Get out,” she whispered. 

“No,” he argued. “I’m going to stay with you.” 

She held her head down as she cried more. “Don’t cry, it’s just a dress. I can get you a thousand dresses.” Ethan comforted her. 

“I don’t care about the stupid fucking dress.” she whined softly as he rubbed her back. “I care about you, and I don’t want to.” 

Ethan looked in the mirror at her reflection with confusion. “W-What?”

She groaned as she stepped to the side and sat on the edge of the tub. She laid her head on her knees. Ethan stood still for a moment, thinking about what to do. He hesitantly sat down next to her as his head dropped looking at his shoes. “I never meant for myself to get to this point.” 

“What point?” he asked softly. He turned his head towards her and leaned his knee over to touch hers. 

“I want you. More than friends. More than…fuck-buddies or whatever we were.” she said, raising her head up from her knees. A few tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared at him sadly. He slowly reached to take his cardboard helmet off. He held his hand up to her face to wipe away her tears. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that. I feel the same way.” Ethan said, gently stroking strands of her hair out of her face. 

She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I can’t be with you…Chad.” She admitted.

Ethan had heard enough about Chad. Chad was the reason Ethan couldn’t be happy, and now he was the reason Y/N couldn’t be happy. 

“What about Chad?” He asked.

“You know.” 

He rolled his eyes away from her. He was tired of her worrying about Chad more than him, he was the one she should have been worried about. “I don’t care about Chad.” She looked away momentarily, like she was disappointed in him. Maybe he should have said something else

“I-I mean… He told me he was over you today.” Ethan spoke in a softer tone. “Maybe we can keep it a secret? Just in case?”

She inhaled deeply at the thought. “Maybe,” she thought out loud. 

He looked at her with hope in his eyes. “Yeah?” He asked, hoping she would say yes. She looked at him, a small smile beginning to form. He scooched closer to her, hips and arms touching. He leaned his head down a bit and allowed his lips to hover slightly above hers. She looked down at his lips, and she leaned forward pressing her lips to his. 

Ethan sighed with pleasure, his hands immediately finding their way to her body. He missed this, this felt good, it felt right. She was the one for him, and he was the one for her. Their lips moved against each other in a perfect synchronized motion. He pulled away from her to catch his breath, and he looked at her disheveled state. Her lips were plump and a redder color from moments ago.

He slid off the tub onto his knees, never breaking eye contact with her. She gasped as he put his hands on her knees, slowly widening her legs. 

“Let me taste you, sweetheart,”

She nodded and allowed him to take off her stockings and panties. Ethan’s mouth opened when he saw her panties. They were a red lacy thong; he pocketed it for later. 

He slid the bottom of her dress up to her hips. She hummed softly as he stuck his face in between her thighs. He looked up at her before looking back to her pussy. He licked a stripe along her, causing her to moan. 

For a few minutes he licked and sucked, as if he was a starving man and she was a never-ending buffet. Her moans and the way she smelled started to make his pants feel tighter. He started focusing on her clit, harshly licking circles around it. She whined and grinded into his face, approaching her climax. 

He stuck two fingers inside of her, instantly curling deep in her walls as he sucked her clit. He felt herself tighten around him, and he hastily reached down to undo his pants to jerk off. 

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck,” she moaned loudly, throwing her head back. Ethan groaned into her pussy as he rubbed his tip. His fingers and mouth kept doing their work as he came in his hand; he never lasted long while he was thinking about her. She whined and gasped as she came around him. A yell of his name caused him to moan with her.

–

As the two got dressed, Ethan watched her bending over to tie her shoes. He walked up behind her as she stood back up. He wrapped his arms around her stomach and kissed her neck. 

“You’re beautiful,” he said, kissing her neck up to her jawline. 

She smiled at him and turned around to kiss him softly. “So are you,” 

They smiled at each other as they held each other in their arms. Ethan was finally happy. His plan worked. As long as he was careful around Chad, things would be okay. Maybe he didn’t have to kill Chad, maybe Chad would actually move on and find a sweet girl. Maybe everything would work out in the end. He got a text message, and he stepped away from her to look at his phone. 

Fuck, he forgot about his sister. 

He had been so preoccupied with her that he forgot his sister and father. 

Quinn

Dad just finished, you have an alibi ?

9:30 pm

Ethan didn’t want to involve Y/N in his family’s fucked up plan. He wanted to take her away from everything and everyone, keep her safe. He knew tonight was the first step of his father’s plan, and he knew he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He looked over at her, who was fixing her hair in the mirror. He softly smiled at her and came up with a response. He couldn’t stop the chaos that was about to happen, but he knew he could keep her safe. 

Ethan

You could say that.

9:32 pm

[separatist-apologist]

Lying In Between The Memories

You could call it paradise but it looks just like hell to me

Summary: Following the blood rite, Gwyneth Berdara can't shake the memories of a life long-gone.

The shadowsinger can't seem to move on after five centuries of loving the same woman.

Together, they'll have to carve a new path forward.

Read on AO3 | Previous Chapter

[ongoing TW for Sexual Assault]

Hopefully the long wait is made up for this beefy chapter

“What do you mean, go back?” Nesta demanded. Gwyn wanted to ask Nesta who had taught her to winnow, or why they were currently standing in the swampy underbrush of the Middle, but some questions were for later. “We need to go home.”

Home. Gwyn wanted that more than anything—to retreat back into her little room in the library where she was no one important at all. Some small part of her wanted to go back to the time before this had all happened—before she knew Azriel was her mate or what it was like to touch him, know him—love him. 

And because Gwyn loved him, she couldn’t go back to Night Court and pretend everything was fine. Nor could she go back to the way things had been, because Gwyn knew she’s spend the rest of her life regretting him. Missing him. Wanting him. And she knew if she told him she wanted him to leave, he would without question or complaint.

Would he miss her, too?

She thought so.

“We have to see this through,” Gwyn told Nesta, squaring her shoulders. “You don’t have to come with me—”

Both Nesta and Emerie spluttered, talking over the other as they declared of course they were going with her. Gwyn felt the knots in her stomach loosen. 

“We should get Cassian—”

“No,” Gwyn breathed. “Cassian will tell the High Lord, and the High Lord might stop us.”

“He’d definitely stop us,” Nesta grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. “But he’ll also kill us for going around him.”

“All we’re doing is getting my books,” Gwyn told Nesta, hands clammy. “We’ll be in and out before they even know we’re there.”

Emerie narrowed her eyes. “How do you figure that?”

It was a good question. Truthfully, Gwyn hadn’t thought that far ahead, though she figured it would come to her when they arrived. She shrugged, offering Nesta what she hoped was her most charming smile. “The same way we survived The Blood Rite.”

They both rolled their eyes in unison. 

“Stealth,” Gwyn supplied. “We’ll sneak in, get my books, and sneak back out. No one will notice us because we’re supposed to be gone.”

“And when Eris realizes you’re missing?”

“That’s Eris’s problem,” Gwyn said flippantly, stomach knotting all over again. She hadn’t told her friends what Eris had shared with her—that she was related to his family through his mothers side of the family. That was another problem she’d deal with another day. Absently, Gwyn wondered if the High Lord would even let her stay now that she knew. Maybe he’d demand she go to Autumn.

Gwyn shook her head of the thought. 

“Let’s get this over with,” Emerie murmured, looking to Nesta. “I don’t want to face Cassian’s wrath when he realizes what we’ve done.”

“Let me worry about Cassian,” Nesta said with a sly smile. “Once we get there, I won’t be able to help with my magic—winnowing takes a lot out of me.”

“Who taught you?” Gwyn heard herself asking.

Nesta’s cheeks darkened, as if she were embarrassed to admit it. It wasn’t Cassian, though, because Cassian could fly and didn’t need to. Gwyn also doubted it had been the High Lord, who had a strained relationship with Nesta for reasons Gwyn stayed out of.

“Feyre,” she said, casting her eyes downward. “She ah…she’s been helping with a lot of my magic recently.”

Both Gwyn and Emerie offered Nesta soft smiles, knowing better than to say anything that wasn’t encouraging. That must have been nice, if not a little awkward. Gwyn looked forward to hearing more about it when they were all safe and tucked into their beds. She was looking forward to a lot of things.

Like seeing Azriel.

She hadn’t been gone very long—Gwyn assumed he was still in the palace, still looking for her. He’d be able to come back with them, using that strange shadowy magic that let him winnow when the other Illyrians could no. He wouldn’t have left without her. She knew that. Gwyn knew it in her bones that Azriel was looking for her and that if he’d known she was in Autumn, he’d have come sailing in, knives gleaming, without giving a damn about his High Lords politics.

“We should go before Autumn comes looking,” Emerie said, turning her head as the wind picked up. In the distance, Gwyn swore she heard the sound of braying dogs. Maybe that was just her imagination, but…she wouldn’t put it past the Vanserras. It was said their ability to track went beyond the magic they commanded.

Emerie carried them out, one after another, to an area Nesta could use to winnow. Gwyn was in awe of her friend, who’d once refused to touch the magic she commanded, now gather it around her like a frigid kiss, and wrap both she and Emerie in it. Gwyn would never be used to the way the magic caved around her, pushing against her ribs to expel the air in her lungs.

It was over in a moment, depositing her on familiar, black sand shores. Nesta wouldn’t bring them closer to the palace for fear of setting off the wards, which meant they’d have to hike to get closer. Gwyn looked up at the basalt column and the castle looming overhead as Nesta’s head turned almost violently, those gray eyes narrowing at something only she perceived. 

“I’ll fly you up,” Emerie offered, craning her neck from one side to the other. 

“I’ll stay,” Nesta murmured, taking a step in the soft sand away from them. “Ten minutes.”

Ten minutes was all Gwyn needed, truly. Wrapping her arms around Emeries neck, heart thudding as she remembered how she’d just nearly escaped before, Gwyn let Emerie fly her up. It was nearly dark, the sky bleeding violet against an inky black. It wasn’t the balcony she and Azriel had when they’d been given a room to share, but it was close enough. Emerie didn’t dare speak when they landed, folding her wings tight against her body and too late, Gwyn realized her friend could fly.

She wanted to ask how, noting the scars still present on her wings. Emeries eyes gleamed, as if she, too, had been waiting for Gwyn to notice. There was pride there, beaming back, and a promise to tell Gwyn everything she’d missed once they were able to. So much had happened while she was gone, and Gwyn felt so disconnected from all of it.

A pang of longing shot through her as she slipped through the window, not bothering to open the door. There was no need. She wasn’t alone, either—Gwyn was well aware one of his shadows still trailed after her, likely at his direction. She felt it wrap itself around her throat, a reminder she wasn’t alone and hadn’t been since Eris had taken her.

He never should have. 

The memory of the encroaching dark, of that voice, crept back into her memory. In the confusion of Autumn, Gwyn had nearly forgotten about it, but when she slipped from the dusty, empty room, she found herself terrified it still lurked. Gwyn felt the cold leech into her bones, moving through the shadows so silently it made her ears ring.

But she didn’t hear the voice, didn’t see the darkness. It was a relief, truly, given how badly she wanted to get home. All she wanted was to find Az, her books, and get back onto solid, familiar ground. Gwyn wanted to wrap her arms around him, bury her face in his neck, and breathe in deep. 

Soon, she told herself, opening the door to what had once been her bedroom. The smell of stale blood slammed into her before she saw the utter destruction. Tables splintered, book pages scattered, her cipher still gone. She knew that was likely buried in the archives of Day, though it didn’t matter. The scholar hadn’t taken her book, though pages had been torn out. 

Gwyn reached for the leather bound book, tucking it beneath her arm before looking toward the bedroom. Azriel wasn’t here, and if she had to guess, it was his blood she was smelling. His scent was still all over the bedroom, but the male himself nowhere to be found. 

“He’s not dead, is he?” she whispered, pulling on that bond in her chest. Surely she would feel it if he was. She would know if he was suffering and in pain…wouldn’t she? Or would she only know if she accepted the bond? 

His shadow slithered around her, reassuring her he was still alive somewhere. Gwyn imagined his shadows would cease to exist if he did, too. 

“Come on,” she whispered, slipping back into the darkness. It seemed almost too easy, which set her on edge. Something had to happen—Gwyn simply didn’t believe coming back and escaping Autumn could be so easy.

But maybe it was. Emerie was still where Gwyn had left her, wings tucked tight against her body. They said nothing as Gwyn slipped back onto the balcony ledge, heart pounding so roughly it made her bones ache. They descended back to the beach where Nesta was waiting like an attack animal. Her whole body was taut, coiled like a spring and her eyes were more silver flames than blue.

“This way,” she murmured. Gwyn wanted to tell them no—that it was a mistake to follow this line of thinking, but curiosity won out. Whatever Nesta sensed was worth investigating, as Nesta wasn’t typically the aggressor in any situation. If Nesta felt like they ought to see what was happening, Gwyn was happy to follow after. 

She wished, like her friends, she was wearing something more than the same blood-stained dress from that morning. As they walked, Emerie pulled out one of the twin blades strapped to her back and handed it to Gwyn without a word, the three forever, wordlessly in sync. They climbed the half sand, half spiky grass incline, unable to see their footing in the dark. Gwyn wondered what Nesta knew.

What had the wind whispered to her? 

“There,” Nesta murmured when they were halfway up, nodding her head toward violent, orange flames. Gwyn’s heart sank when she saw what Nesta had already found—Beron Vanserra, flanked by his horrible sons, speaking to Gunnar the Horrible himself. They were too far away to be anything more than pricks in the distance, illuminated by the flames wreathed around Beron’s head.

Gwyn knew this was about her. Choking on the salt air, she wanted to run. Her joints felt rusty, stiff as Nesta crept closer, ignoring that once they got off the incline, there was nowhere left to hide.

“Can you hear them?” Emerie asked, but Nesta shook her head. Wisps of golden brown hair blew from the braid crowned around her face, brushed impatiently from her illuminated eyes. Nesta looked like an animal, some terrible predator right then, crouching low to try and see what they were doing. 

They’d need to get closer.

It was suicide. They knew it. Nesta didn’t have the powers of a Death God anymore, though Gwyn had no idea what had been left behind. Enough to get them to the continent, and clearly more still given the way her eyes reflected the moonlight overhead. Emeries green siphons gleamed when she flexed her fingers, channeling whatever magic was inherent to Illyrians and set into the gloves on her hands. Unlike Azriel and Cassian, who bore seven, Emerie only had two.

Still, no other female in Illyrian history had ever worn one. 

And then there was Gwyn, with her flame and her sword, both no match for a High Lord. Were they going to confront him? It was a deciding moment—the wind swirled around them, dragging their scent toward the Vanserra’s and betraying them before they ever made a conscious choice. She saw Eris’s head whip to the side, though his expression was impossible to read from a distance. 

“If we’re clever,” Emerie whispered, rising to her feet with Gwyn and Nesta, “we’ll kill him before he has a chance to kill us.”

“How?” Nesta asked, taking another step closer, her mouth pressed into a thin line. 

“A distraction,” Gwyn replied, eyes darting between their friends. “Don’t ask questions—there isn’t time, but I’m a Vanserra.”

Both her friends turned to look at her, mouths half open. “Surprise,” Gwyn added with a weak smile she wasn’t convinced they could see. “I’ll be the distraction.”

“Gwyn—”

“No time,” Gwyn replied, wishing the shadow could speak with her. It braceleted around her wrist for a moment before darting into the dark, a silent witness to either her triumph or her death. It was lunacy, truly, to hope this worked—in reality, she was more likely to see her friends casually killed before she was dragged back to Autumn.

Gwyn knew she’d never be able to show her face back in Night if they died. How could she look Cassian in the eye and tell him it was her fault his mate was dead? How could she ever face Azriel? She took a breath, hands clammy and cold as they finished their ascent toward the top of the cliff face. Gunnar was gone, at least—that left the High Lord, his sons, and the Heir apparent to contend with. Hardly good odds, but better than if they also had a king and the consolidated power of seven High Lords bearing down on her, too.

They moved toward the Vanserra’s, ignoring the way none of them had pulled out a weapon. They didn’t need to, truly—Beron could set them all ablaze from the inside out before they had time to take three steps. Distraction, she reminded herself, though Gwyn had no clue how to go about it.

It would come to her, she decided. As long as she could keep his eyes on her and not her friends. 

Beron Vanserra stood on the edge of the cliff where sand no longer met the sea. Instead, the violent waves crashed viciously against the basalt, dragging little bits of rock back out each time. How long before the sea chipped away at the wall, taking the horrible palace with it? 

“Didn’t make it far, did you?” Beron sneered, igniting the darkness around them with a casual flick of his fingers. “I would have thought you’d have crawled beneath the skirts of your stupid High Lady rather than risk returning.”

Gwyn shrugged casually. “I don’t think intelligence runs in the family.”

One of the Vanserra brothers turned their head, as if to conceal their amusement. Gwyn didn’t know what to make of that. Beron ignored her little jab, perhaps satisfied that she was only related to him by marriage and not blood. Did he think his wife was stupid, then? 

“I told you to stay,” Eris interrupted, smoother than he’d been when he’d been whispering orders to her in the Forest House. “We would have made a clean exchange.”

“You still could,” Gwyn commented, bracketed by her friends. Nesta and Emerie were silent, inconsequential to the males that surrounded them. She knew they saw three females playing dress-up with swords, but they’d taken down Illyrian warriors better trained than the likes of which Autumn could provide. 

“I could also kill you,” Beron said, eyes flickering between the three of them. “Your High Lord won’t notice the difference…if he’s noticed your absence at all.”

Nesta straightened her spine, causing the High Lord himself to take a half-step backward without thinking. She frightened him. Nesta knew it, baring her teeth in a feral smile that made all the males before them flinch. 

“Come with me,” Beron began, ignoring the way the wind had picked up around them, half drowning his words in the water below. “I’ll…”

Nesta had inclined her head, a wide, terrifying smile spreading over her beautiful face. It wasn’t the wind, she realized, that was whipping around, but air from large, powerful wings.

Illyrian wings.

A moment later the ground shook as Cassian descended, terrifying in his power. Red siphons gleamed in the dark, flaring when he saw Nesta standing so casually a few feet away. He wasn’t alone. Gwyn wouldn’t have recognized that male with her eyes closed, hands tied behind her back. She knew the cold scent of him, the way his hair fell after he’d been airborne, how his left foot touched the grass mere moments before his left.

Azriel had come, the living embodiment of one of the death gods of old. In the dark, all she saw were blue siphons and hazel eyes even as the sound of Illyrian steel sang loudly. 

“Beron,” Cassian said, strolling forward casually, as if this were little more than a social visit. Azriel, though, only looked at her, those cat-like eyes raking over her with lethal concern. She wanted to tell him she was fine. 

She wanted to tell him a lot of things. 

Instead, Gwyn ripped on the mating bond, deciding that there was no better time than when they were facing down a treasonous High Lord to force this knowledge on him. His eyes widened, nostrils flaring and oh. There it was. Recognition of what she was, which, in retrospect, was maybe not her best move.

Cassian was happy to play distraction, though as he came closer and closer. It occurred to Gwyn only then that Cassian and Azriel shouldn’t know they were here. How? She looked from her mate to Eris, who was studiously staring at his father with a deceptively blank face. Traitor, she almost said—but why betray him when this only helped her? 

“The brutes have arrived,” Beron sneered, clearly unconcerned. “Where is the half-breed you call a High Lord?”

“Busy,” Cassian replied with a shrug of his powerful shoulders. No one would call Beron Vanserra small. He was nearly as tall as Eris, and about as muscular, too. But neither male had anything on Cassian, who towered over them easily and packed more muscle on his frame than both males combined. In a hand to hand fight, Gwyn imagined Cassian could crush them both with relative ease.

Eris’s gaze cut to Azriel, who slithered through the dark silently, wings pulled tight against his back. Beron hadn’t noticed the shadowsinger positioning himself defensively, a mistake he was likely to regret. They had a better plan, one that could be ruined and wrecked if Beron made a move toward Nesta.

If Beron made a move toward her. She saw the hunger on Azriels face, cold as a knifes edge as he prowled silently. His shadows trailed like smoke from his shoulders, occasionally obscuring half his face. What did they whisper? 

What did he whisper in return? 

“I don’t have time for this,” Beron said, turning those brown eyes back to Gwyn. “Walk away or I’ll kill all of you.”

Except the girl, those eyes said. Why was she so important to him? Kill me too, she wanted to scream! She didn’t dare, still standing before Beron. 

Cassian pretended to think about it, his hazel eyes cutting toward Nesta only once, just to be sure she was fine. Satisfied by whatever words were silently shared between them, Cassian’s full, deadly attention. No one dared to move, terrified of the showdown. Could Cassian take on a High Lord?

Nesta shifted on her feet. 

No. 

“Why don’t you go home, and I’ll consider not telling the other six High Lords that you’re here,” Cassian replied, his voice taking on lethal quality. “This is treason.”

“It’s like they say,” Beron replied, nodding toward his terrible sons, “about dead males telling tales.”

He struck with brutal ferocity—it should have ended Cassian right then and there. He’d forgotten Azriel, who struck out with his elbow against Beron’s unguarded spine. The flames meant for Cassian arced, slamming into Nesta’s chest roughly. Cassian roared furiously, sword swinging through the air. It was treason itself to execute a foreign High Lord—the other six could demand Rhys hand Cassian over and face justice.

Cassian clearly didn’t care, his eyes wild with rage. Azriel has his swords out as well, taking on the three Vanserras while Beron turned to Cassian and Nesta. Gwyn and Emerie turned to help Azriel, but Eris had grabbed her, one arm rough around her throat.

“Help me and I’ll owe you,” Eris snarled in her ear, pressing his blade to her throat. “Help me and I’ll do anything you ask.”

Gwyn went still, the only thing she could do to communicate that she would help him. She still held Emerie’s sword in one hand, limp at her side as Eris turned her toward Cassian and Azriel. Everyone went still—quiet. 

“I’ll kill her,” Eris swore, a laugh in his voice. “I don’t think anyone wants that. Right, Azriel?”

Azriel bared his teeth in response, blood dripping from a thin, already healing cut against his jaw.

“This is how things are going to go,” Eris said, taking a step toward the grassy ledge. “We’re going to leave and you’re going to let us or I’ll…” Eris mimed cutting Gwyn’s throat as Azriel threw out a scarred hand half hidden beneath his fingerless gloves.

Their eyes met and she saw the plain, unguarded fear of a male who knew he was about to lose something. And right then, Gwyn knew that Azriel had known they were mates far longer than she had. Her stomach churned at the realization, but she wanted Eris to owe her.

When it came time to deal with Monteserre, she needed Eris and there was no guarantee he’d help without calling in their bargain. 

“Who knew Illyrians were so soft,” Beron taunted, clearly amused. Eris’s free hand slid down Gwyns arm, squeezing the wrist still holding the sword. She couldn’t see his face, though she could guess it was his usual smug, sneering expression meant to piss Azriel off. 

“Is the threat against a female enough to stay your blade?” Beron questioned, turning his back to Eris and Gwyn so he could laugh at Cassian and Azriel. Cassian was on one knee, hand on Nesta’s back as she tried to catch her breath after the blow from Beron’s magic. 

They would never have a better moment.

“Now,” Eris breathed. Was he aware of how Azriel’s eyes tracked her every movement? Was he aware of what she was doing? 

I’m sorry, she tried to tell him silently, though the only thing Gwyn was truly sorry for was the grief her actions might cause him later on. Eris pushed her forward as her blade came up. Gwyn didn’t let herself think about what she was doing—she simply drove that sword directly into Beron Vanserra’s unprotected back. 

The High Lord, still taunting Cassian with the flames licking his fingers, gasped. Eris stepped forward as his brother tightened their ranks. Gwyn saw one had a rather brutal cut running up his face, courtesy of Azriel.

Just for good measure, Gwyn twisted the blade before ripping it back out. In that moment, he wasn’t just Beron. He was the male who’d ripped her clothing to ribbon, the males who’d held her down, who’d laughed as they took something that did not belong to them. 

Eris finished the job, grabbing a fistful of his fathers hair to crane his neck back so far Gwyn heard the bones groan. Eris murmured something in his father’s ear before removing his head from his shoulders in one clean motion.

No one moved save for Eris, who wiped the blood from his face with his otherwise immaculate jacket sleeve.

“Well,” Eris said, licking his lips. “This was fun. Remember what I told you, Gwyneth. We’ll be seeing each other soon.”

And then he was gone, vanishing in a pop alongside his battered brothers.

Nesta looked up, strands of long hair hanging from her braid as Emerie went to Gwyn, pulling her in a hug. Gwyn let her, heart racing.

“What was that?” Nesta panted.

“Doesn’t matter,” Cassian replied, hauling Nesta into his arms. “We need to leave. Now.”

Azriel ground his jaw together, eyes still pinning her in place. Gwyn felt herself shaking and right then, she didn’t think she wanted him to touch her. Maybe she didn’t deserve it. 

Cassian murmured something to Nesta, cradled against his chest. 

“I’ll take you home,” Azriel murmured to both Gwyn and Emerie. Nesta wouldn’t have the strength to take them all back—it would be a miracle if she didn’t drop Cassian over the ocean. Azriel hesitated, as if he wanted to put his hand on her before settling it on Emerie’s shoulder. Gwyn closed her eyes while his shadows swarmed, whispering in her ear that language she didn’t understand.

And when she opened them, she was home.

AZRIEL:

“Are you stupid?” Rhys thundered, eyes darting between Cassian and Az. Azriel winced, still miserable from his near escape. The bruised hadn’t healed, his wounds barking at him. Feyre offered him a pained smile, which wounded Azriel far more than Rhys’s rage. Rhys, at least, understood Azriel—this was just how he was, how he’d always been.

But Feyre had been tending to him when he’d felt Gwyn rip on the bond and Azriel had lied to her to get to Cassian, and then back to Montessere. The worst part was, Azriel wasn’t even sorry. Their eyes met for just a moment before Feyre looked away, unwilling to go against Rhys.

“A High Lord is dead—”

“Eris killed him,” Azriel said flatly. He’d go to his grave saying so, and if Eris tried to say differently, there’d be a third High Lord crowned in Autumn by the end of the week. Cassian didn’t react to Azriel’s words as Rhys’s face darkened.

“Don’t lie to me,” he hissed. “Don’t treat me as if you don’t trust me.”

“Why are you mad, brother?” Cassian asked, adopting a lopsided smile they all knew was covering his exhaustion. Like Azriel, all Cassian wanted to do was get up to the House of Wind and see his mate.

If Gwyn even wanted to see him. He recognized that look on her face—the place she went to when she couldn’t stop her own thoughts. She’d killed Beron and then he’d lost her, and Azriel wasn’t sure how to pull her back. For all he knew, she’d retreated back into the library where he’d never reach her.

The thought made his chest ache.

“I’m mad that you went behind my back to another continent and helped one of my priestesses slaughter another High Lord!”

“Eris killed him,” Azriel repeated.

Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose. “As you’ve continued to say since you stepped foot in my home and yet I can read your fucking mind, Azriel.”

Eat shit, he thought loudly, holding Rhys’s gaze. Rhys took one step toward Azriel before Feyre sprang up from her place on the leather sofa, hand pressed to his chest.

“This isn’t helping,” she snapped at her mate. “If Azriel says Eris killed Beron, then Eris killed Beron. I doubt Eris is going to contradict that story.”

“Because I have his mate—” Rhys snapped his mouth shut when Feyre threw him a look that silenced him. Before Feyre, Rhys would have lectured them all night and into the next afternoon, never tiring of the sound of his own voice. That thought drew Rhys’s eyes to Azriel’s face again, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to care. He needed to sleep.

He needed to see Gwyn.

“Let's regroup in the morning,” Feyre murmured, rubbing her fingers over her lips. “Shouting isn’t accomplishing anything.”

“I disagree. It’s making me feel better,” Rhys grumbled, but Azriel was already on his feet and halfway to the door. Cassian said nothing, though Azriel could feel his eyes on his back, the question half formed on his lips. He didn’t know what to say, in part because he still didn’t know why Gwyn had left him the morning before, and he didn’t know why she didn’t want to see him now.

Please be here, he begged before leaping into the air to take flight. The wind against his wings used to settle him—but now it felt like nothing at all, like going through the motions. Wracked with anxiety, Azriel let his thoughts run away. Was she angry she’d had to kill Beron to save them all? Did she regret the knowledge that they were mates? Did she wish for someone better, someone less broken, someone who could keep her safe? 

Azriel was forever showing up after the worst had happened, useless to her and with nothing to offer. He’d imagined swooping in and saving her, protecting her from whatever frightened her. Instead he’d stood helplessly while Eris held a dagger to her throat, well aware that if he lunged, Eris would kill her before Azriel could stop him. 

His feet slammed against the training pad hard enough to make his teeth rattle. Azriel shook out his hands to try and get them to stop trembling, but it was no use. If he waited too long, Cassian would arrive and he’d want to talk. Azriel had all but begged Cassian, using Nesta’s absence to get Cassian to help him without involving Rhys.

He’d sworn to explain it all when they arrived.

It was a few steps into the house, where oppressive, near angry silence greeted him. Azriel made his way through familiar rooms, ducking head inside each one to find only darkness instead. No Gwyn. She was nowhere to be found. He had no right to go into the library to look for her, and with a dejected sigh, knew he’d have to beg a favor off Nesta if he was going to talk to her.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. Deep down, he’d always known a mate would go this way, hadn’t he? It was what made wanting Mor, and then Elain, so easy—there was no danger in rejection. They’d already made it clear he’d never have them outside of his fantasies.

But Gwyn had been real, and for a moment she’d also been his. 

Telling himself his memories were enough, Azriel made his way to his bedroom, pulling his shirt over his wings to throw it angrily at the wall when he stepped into the room.

“Smells like blood,” a soft voice murmured. Azriel snapped his fingers, igniting the faelights overhead, to find Gwyn half asleep in the chair by the window as she pulled his shirt off her face.

“And sweat. Have you stopped bathing, shadowsinger?”

She stood as he froze in the doorway, drinking her in. The freckles on her face seemed starker, her skin just a little too pale for his liking. But other than the exhausting shadowing her pretty eyes, she was otherwise unharmed.

Gwyn cocked her head, that cinnamon colored hair spilling over slim shoulders. Oh right—he was supposed to speak. Azriel took a half-drunk step, and then another and another, until he’d crossed the room. It had been his intention to hold her face in his hands, but his legs were shaking so badly he slammed to the ground, knees hitting the wood with brutal force. Azriel looked up, fisting the edges of her dress in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped, trying so hard to swallow the emotions rising through him. “Fuck, I’m so—”

Gwyn’s fingers were in his hair, nails dragging along his scalp. She was far more careful as she lowered herself to the ground—and it was her who took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her.

“For what?” she whispered, teal eyes bouncing between his own. “You came exactly when I needed you.”

He shook his head. It wasn’t right to let her absolve him so easily. He didn’t deserve it. “I let them take you—”

“Stop it,” she whispered, mashing her thumb against his lips. “Eris Vanserra is a prick well outside your control.”

“Ask me to kill him,” Azriel mumbled, his words slurred beneath her touch. He didn’t want her to take her fingers from his mouth. 

“It’s tempting,” she admitted as she ran her knuckles over his cheek. “I do love seeing you covered in blood.”

He laughed weakly, though he hardly felt better. “Are you hurt?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” she replied, frowning as she took one of his gloved hands in hers to examine his trembling fingers. How did he explain the source of his fear was her? That his every waking thought was plagued by her, that Azriel hadn’t had a restful night since he’d met her? “What happened?”

Azriel told her, watching her face grow paler and paler until he stopped himself entirely to try and soften her disappointment. He could have done better—he’d been sloppy, and he’d gotten caught. 

“Can I…” she cocked her head to the side, looking him up and down. “Will you sleep with me tonight?” 

He knew she was asking in an attempt to get him in bed, but Azriel was willing if she was coming with him. He nodded, afraid if he said anything he might give too much away. Was he a coward for not telling her everything? For not asking her about the one thing that mattered above all else? 

He didn’t want to face her rejection. Not when she was taking his hand in hers and leading him to the bed. There was no grace to his actions as he tripped out of his boots, and then his pants. She’d seen him naked more than once, and yet this felt impossibly intimate, stripping to nothing before pulling a pair of sleep shorts up over his waist. Gwyn merely sat on the bed cross-legged, her eyes never leaving him. 

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel real,” she murmured when he stood at the foot of his overly large bed.

“What doesn’t?” he questioned, realizing he’d never had a female in this bed before. It wasn’t technically his—it was merely the room he’d been utilizing since Nesta had been brought up, though he was terribly fond of it. When was the last time he’d had a female in his personal space at all?

Typically, Azriel preferred to go back with them.

“You,” she said, pulling him from his thoughts. “I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and it’ll all have been a really nice dream.”

Azriel had to grip the bed post to keep from falling on his face. “You think that?” he asked, certain he’d misheard her. 

Gwyn nodded, biting her lower lip. “It doesn’t seem possible that I…that you…”

He was crawling up the bed, pulling her into his lap before she could finish that absurd sentence. Azriel pressed his mouth to her hair, breathing in the soft, sweet scent of her. “You could do better.”

Gwyn laughed loudly, twisting in his lap to look at him. “Oh, you’re serious. That’s embarrassing, Az, even for you.”

Azriel couldn’t look away—and he didn’t feel embarrassed, either. Didn’t she think that? She ought to. 

“Gwyn,” he murmured, because he needed her to know, “you can walk away. You…maybe you  should—”

Her fingers were mashed against his lips again, effectively silencing him all over again. “How long did you know? About us, I mean? About this?” She ripped on the bond, causing him to gasp slightly.

Was it better to tell her the truth or lie? He couldn’t tell what she wanted, her face unreadable save for the amusement in her eyes.

“A while,” he admitted. 

She nodded her head. “And you didn’t think to mention this?”

He offered her a dry laugh. “I’m not a saint, Gwyn. I wanted to be around you.”

“I thought you didn’t know,” she told him with a pretty smile. “When I realized, I just assumed you were oblivious, but this whole time…weren’t you suffering?

Yes.

He shrugged, feeling defensive. “I would have waited longer. Five hundred years were nothing…I would have waited five hundred more.”

“What if I don’t want you to?” she asked, cheeks warming. Azriel’s heart raced at the implication. She wanted to accept? He’d been so focused on simply keeping her around, of making her love him, that he’d never allowed himself to get this far in his fantasies. Maybe he hadn’t dared, for fear of wanting it and then realizing he’d never get it. 

Finally, Azriel took her face in his, lifting it as he swept his thumbs across soft cheeks. Real, this is real— “I love you.”

He’d never said those words out loud to anyone. He’d thought them in his head, had let his actions betray him, but he’d never once, in all the years he’d been alive, ever told anyone. He’d tried, once—and had been thwarted before he’d been able to finish.

Gwyn didn’t interrupt him, though. Didn’t bolt out of his lap or turn from him. She smiled, brilliant as the first rays of a golden dawn illuminating a violet sky. “Well, that’s lucky, because I love you, too.”

Fuck.

Nothing had ever felt better than hearing her reciprocate his feelings. Azriel exhaled the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, unaware that he was smiling too. Not, at least, until his cheeks ached from the prolonged effort, of the foreignness of smiling so freely, so easily. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t know,” she whispered, the word trailing off in a soft giggle. “I thought I was so obvious.”

Embarrassed, Azriel only shrugged. He’d never been that good at reading people's emotions—at least, when it came to himself. “I thought you wanted to sleep,” he murmured, lips pressed to her head. “You should sleep.”

“I want to talk,” she admitted as he dragged them both down to the bed, tucking her against his chest so he could blanket her with a wing. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in years.”

“When I get my hands on Vanserra…”

Eris was going to finish what he started years ago during the High Lord’s meeting. He was going to destroy Eris’s pretty face before sheathing his dagger in the ventricles of the spoiled Autumn prince's heart. He’d take his time—make it painful, make it hurt. 

“Don’t,” Gwyn said, tempering his desire for violence. “He was only acting on his father’s wishes.”

“He's always acting on Beron’s wishes,” Azriel snarled, not half as forgiving. “He could act against them, but he’s a coward.”

She sighed. “He owes me a favor of my choosing for helping him.”

“Tell him to kill himself,” Azriel said without an ounce of remorse. Gwyn twisted in his arms so he could see her roll her eyes.

“We’ll need him. Kai is dead.”

“I know,” Azriel whispered. “They think you killed him.”

Her eyes went wide, and whispering, Gwyn told him everything that had transpired. The whispering darkness, the flames, Eris coming to the rescue before betraying her. Azriel didn’t say a word as cold dread spread through him.

Whispering darkness…

“What did the voice sound like? Male? Female—”

“Male,” she said as he tried not to react at all. “And cold. Cruel.”

Kissing her temple, Azriel kept his thoughts far from her watchful gaze. He didn’t want to think about it, not right then. Not when she leaned forward, pressing her own lips to the hollow of his throat. 

“I still want you.”

Fuck. All the air escaped him in one long, low breath. He wanted her too—so badly it made his teeth ache.

“If we start, I don’t think I could stop,” he admitted, ignoring the way his cock was responding in his shorts. It took almost nothing—a blink of teal eyes, a flash of a smile, a touch of her hand and Azriel wanted her pinned beneath him. 

“What if I don’t want you to stop?”

Azriel exhaled another shaky breath. “Gwyn…”

“Are you going to make me beg, shadowsinger—”

Azriel couldn’t abide by it. Couldn’t listen to her ask him to give her the one thing he was constantly thinking about. Why was he denying himself when he knew both Cassian and Rhys would have never? He knew from experience, having lived with both and forced to witness not just the ungodly noises, but the smells that lingered for days. 

And here he was, trying to be honorable. He kissed her, fingers sliding to her hair to grip tightly, to keep her from darting away. It wasn’t particularly gentle, though he hadn’t intended to be rough, either. He simply kissed her with the pent up emotion he’d kept leashed for so long. 

Gwyn didn’t hesitate, one hand sliding around the back of his neck to hold him against her. Laying back, Azriel rolled over her as he half devoured his mate. It felt good, he realized, to think the words aloud. To know she knew, to be desired by her. All the years of waiting, of wondering—of assuming he hadn’t been granted one and never would be—evaporated beneath the soft pads of her fingers. 

For the first time, Azriel wished he was eloquent like Rhys. He wished words came easy—the right ones, especially—and he could simply tell her what she meant to him. The depth of his devotion, the intensity of his feelings. Azriel had never been that kind of male and he didn’t think he was capable of change.

He’d never use poetry—he didn’t know how, to be fair. But he could show her. Somehow, given this didn’t seem the appropriate place to try and convey the depths of his feeling. Not when he was pressing his erect cock between her parted legs. Was it a bad time to tell her he loved her, too? It felt easier to say it when his tongue was in her mouth. Impatient, Azriel ripped at the neckline of her dress, causing Gwyn to gasp.

“That was nice,” she whispered.

“I hate it,” he replied, though in truth he had no strong feelings surrounding it. It was simply in his way. He wanted to see her all splayed out again. 

Scratch that.

“I need to taste you,” he breathed, shoving at the ruined material until she managed to shimmy her way out of it. “I need you on my face.”

“On?” she squeaked, but he’d rolled them around, laying flat on his back with his wings splayed beneath him. Illyrians were wary of such a position and the danger it posed. If your wings were pinned, you couldn’t escape, couldn’t fight. 

But this was his mate, and Azriel would submit to her. Only her.

Even if this was the kind of submission he daydreamed about day and night. Gwyn didn’t protest, utterly naked as he slid his body down the bed until his feet dangled off the edge so he could get his mouth beneath her cunt. 

“Az—”

He wasn’t listening, though. This was all he needed—this would fix him. All his aches and pains could be soothed by the taste of her body. She fell forward, causing him to curl his arms around her thighs to keep her from squirming away. He realized, only in retrospect, that she was holding the edge of the headboard, head between her shoulders so she could watch. 

Their eyes met for only a moment before hers fluttered shut, lips parted as she moaned softly. Pretty thing, he thought privately. 

With her legs spread wide, Azriel didn’t need to use his fingers to make it easier to taste her. She helped, rolling her hips against his face as he licked the length of her over and over. He felt captive, held beneath her as she took what she wanted. It was too ambitious to hope she’d tie him up and continue to have her way with him, but maybe in the morning he’d convince her to use the rope he had coiled up in his dresser. 

He’d teach her to use the right kind of knot, first, or he’d cheat and untie himself so he could touch her. He simply couldn’t help himself—she was so beautiful, so soft and he was so, so weak when it came to her. Azriel had promised himself to take care of her, and he wasn’t sure sitting her on his face so he could lick her cunt counted. 

Still, she wasn’t complaining. In fact, she was moaning in that soft, sweet way of hers, unaware that his own cock was throbbing painfully, a bead of moisture rolling down his shaft. He wished he’d positioned her the other way so she could at least touch him.

Though, he wasn’t opposed to a little torture. Not if it came from her. What was a little more waiting, in the scheme of things? 

“Az,” she whispered, threading her fingers through his hair. Her nails scraped along his scalp, drawing a breathless groan from his lips. Gwyn’s hips jerked and oh. Did she like that? Azriel did it again, delighted when she rolled rougher, pressed herself fully against him. She’d been holding herself up on her knees before but now she was all but seated. It took little effort from him to pull her the rest of the way down so his senses were engulfed.

This was how he wanted to die, he decided. When it was his time, he’d order the healer to press her naked body against his face so the last things he knew were of her. Her taste, her smell, her body—Gwyn, Gwyn, Gwyn.

Azriel let her chase her pleasure, turning himself into little more than a tool for her to use. If he’d reached down to stroke himself, he’d have finished before she did, a fact that would have once embarrassed him. Now he didn’t care—maybe it had taken so long with all those other females because he was simply waiting on her.

He half wished he’d waited, that they could have experienced this for the first time together. And the other part—the part that was more animal, more male, less rational—was grateful to have enough experience to know how to please her, to take care of her, to give her what she needed. 

Azriel slid his tongue into her body, holding her tight while he mimicked what he was about to do with his cock. 

Gwyn’s fingers tightened in his hair, tugging at his scalp. Her hips canted frantically and when he moved back to her clit, she cried out, thighs clenching so tight around his face that he could scarcely breathe. 

He’d never been more aroused in his life.

As she rode out her orgasm, Azriel released his grip on her to pull his shorts to his knees, kicking them off gracelessly before sliding her down his torso. Her slick cunt left a trail against his skin, dampening the hair just beneath his navel. 

“Fuck,” he panted when her fingers dug into his chest, hair curtained around her flushed face. “Kiss me.”

She leaned down, rubbing that pretty cunt against the shaft of his cock as she kissed him. Gwyn moaned when he fisted his fingers in her hair, claiming her with searing heat. Did she taste herself on his tongue? Did she like it the way he did? Azriel hoped so. He barely noticed the way she’d rearranged herself, too focused on the heat of her body touching his desperate cock, until he felt her line herself up with him. 

Oh, gods. Azriel pulled away to watch her sink slowly down his shaft. It was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen in his entire life, causing vivid, white stars to explode behind his eyes. This was heaven and hell and wrapped up together. He felt brand new and ancient and old all at once. 

Gwyn moaned once he was fully seated inside her.

“What have you done to me?” she whispered, brushing a kiss beneath his jaw.

“Nothing you didn’t ask for,” he replied, though he wasn’t certain that was true. Gwyn still laughed, pushing herself up until her nails were embedded in his pectorals. The little prick of pain was heaven, especially when she rolled her hips, dragging his cock along the tight, wet heat of her body. It was Azriel’s turn to jerk as though he were a puppet and she controlled the string.

“Is that what you like?” she whispered, eyes darker than he’d ever seen them. 

“I like you,” he replied, reaching for her pretty, bouncing breasts. 

“Yeah?” she replied, tossing her head back.

“And I love you,” he added, just in case she’d forgotten. Her skin was shimmering with soft, sweet light and he wondered if he was, too. He’d spent so long bathed in shadow that it was strange to have that moonlit glow fall over him, to feel seen even in the dark. 

He was never going to be over her. How did Rhys and Cassian do it, he wondered? How did they go about their lives? Did the wanting fade? Or did they simply grit their teeth and leave anyway, mind always half occupied with their mate?

Azriel ran his hands down the soft curve of her body, cupping her ass cheeks, which nestled perfectly in the palm of his hand. Lifting her, Azriel decided he could do the majority of the work and still enjoy the view if he liked—and he did. 

“Look at my pretty mate,” he whispered, trying the word out loud for the first time. “Look at how well she takes my cock.”

Gwyn let out a breathy moan.

“Is this what you like?” he asked, thrusting himself into her body. He was testing the limits of what she could take—how much, how fast, how rough. He wanted to build her into it, to hear her beg for more. They had time—more time than he dared to contemplate. There was no use in rushing her, making her feel unsafe or scared.

She’d felt that way for too long, besides. Azriel wanted to be her home. And if the world continued to try and harm her, they’d have to contend with him, first. And second. And third. 

“Az,” she whispered, not answering the question. Moving one hand between her legs, Azriel began to tease her clit as he stroked, keeping himself steady even when his muscles began to groan in protest. He kept forgetting he’d been injured, that technically he had no business doing this.

Oh, well.

It was worth it, he decided. His body would heal, besides, and if nothing else, Azriel assumed he’d sleep like a baby when they finished. If they ever finished. He never wanted to remove himself from her body, wanted to live this way, her always flush against him, chest to chest, skin to skin.

“Are you going to come for me, pretty thing?” She only moaned in response. He could feel her body tightening around him, could feel the rush of heat that made his own sac tighten against his body. Azriel had to clench his ass to keep from coming first, his own arousal overwhelming. Pleasure was a beast, clawing at his throat as it demanded release.

“Please,” she whispered mere seconds before she came on his cock. Azriel lost it, his rhythm slipping to frantic, near animalistic jerking. He came a second later, blacking out his vision and eroding the remainder of his good sense. Nesta and Cassian almost certainly heard him, though Azriel didn’t care. After what they’d subjected him to, this was the least they deserved. 

Azriel pulled her against him. “Again,” he murmured against her neck. She felt it, too—felt what he had the first time they’d been together. 

Gwyn only smiled.

It was nearly dawn before Gwyn fell asleep, exhausted and worn out from his endless attention. She’d wake, and he’d have her again—and he rather liked the sight of her hair splayed over his chest as she slept on his shoulder. He wanted to stay where he was, but he couldn’t. 

Careful not to wake her, Azriel rose from the bed they currently shared, slipped a pair of shorts over his hips, and made his way to the window at the far end of the room. His shadows, once scattered, began to slip in and swarm. Azriel took a breath, inhaling the crisp, mountain air.

“She heard the voice,” he whispered in that secret language, turning his eyes toward the rising dawn. “He spoke to her.”His shadows stilled for a moment before circling around him, silent for once. Azriel had never questioned where they’d come from—who might have bestowed the gift of the shadowsinger on him. It was so rare it was nearly undocumented—so few had ever had the power to call upon darkness the way he did. The magic was poorly understood, though Rhys had tried. They didn’t understand—was it the Illyrian in Azriel that made it possible, or some hidden Night Court lineage? 

Azriel had never questioned it. Not until right then. “Do you know?”

His shadows tightened around him as darkness blurred at his vision. They were loyal to him—only him—but they knew. 

“You know me,” that cold voice whispered. “I’ve been waiting a long time for you.”

Azriel slammed his mind shut, inhaling sharply through his nose. Turning his head, he found Gwyn still asleep in bed. He needed to talk to Rhys. 

And he would. 

Another day.

[lucky-draws]

(transcript + some notes/explanation under the cut:)

i feel like the context of this is maybe only apparent in my own head LOL so basically ive kind of imagined an au where, based on the rebirth ending, james has succeeded in bringing mary back to life, but also maria, and also james gets killed in the process. so it's basically just maria and mary alone in the townTM trying to figure each other out. and this is a letter maria sends mary at some point basically. transcript in case the font is annoying to read:

Mary, You’ll have to forgive me if any of this sounds a little weird. I haven’t written anybody a letter in years, and I’m not sure if I have much of a way with words. Though I’ve been spending a lot of time in Ernest’s library lately, so hopefully some of his great literature has rubbed off on me. Somehow, I had this idea that I never liked reading much - that it wasn’t really my style - but I ended up getting kind of hooked. His dusty old books sure aren’t the worst company in this town, at any rate. I wonder what we really are, you and I. I used to think of us as two music box dolls: dancing side by side, spinning in perfect unison to somebody else’s tune. Like a pair of clocks keeping the same time. Two parallel lines, and an impossibility for us to ever intersect, to face each other head-on without some kind of disaster.

We’re not completely identical, though. If you looked closely at me - if you could bear to do that - you’d see all my imperfections. I lack your fine details. The paint on my lips is messier, my joins are showing, and there are bits of sprew left between my fingers. Pick me up, and you’ll feel how much lighter I am - I’m missing a lot of internal parts, you see. I’m a knock-off - we were cast from different molds. You were born of nature, while I was born from your very own killer. But I suppose I don’t need to tell you that. Do you hate me? I understand if you do. Or maybe I’m not so important - maybe you can only think of him. Or perhaps you’re trying not to think of anything at all when you sit by that lake for hours on end. I don’t know how you can stand it - going to the lake every day. It's so quiet. No ducks, not even a single bird. I’d go crazy, I think. That’s why I like to stay at the bar: there’s no one here either, of course, but it feels easier to imagine there might be. To pretend that we’ve only just closed, that those drinks on the table belonged to the last customers, and not to me. I’ve been so restless lately, sitting in the bar all night. I wonder if - no, I guess I’m hoping that - something’s going to give, soon. I think I’m losing the beat  - I’m spinning slower than you are. I think it’s because I keep getting distracted, always thinking of you. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it’s simply because you’re the only thing in this dreadful town that’s not a monster. But I think you must be as lonely as I am. Much more so, probably. And I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if you’d only reach through the mirror and touch me. I’m full of missing pieces, I know - but I have this notion that between us, we might just be able to come together into something like a real person. You know, some days I feel I hardly know who I am; but other times I feel so sure that I’m beginning to dance to my own beat. It’s no fun dancing alone, though. Well, I guess you know where to find me. I’ll be waiting at the bar tonight. I always am. I’ve waited there every night - for something, someone, anything, anyone - for what feels like forever. But these days, I’m just waiting for you. See you around, Maria