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taexual · 4 years

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i’d love you to stay but that’s simply insane // JJK (21)

jungkook is an uncontrollable lead vocalist of the campus band, and you’re a goal-oriented top student that’s known his rich and complicated family since childhood. you don’t want anything to do with each other, until each other is exactly what you want to do.

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: college au

warnings: angst but it’s for a good cause

words: 7.7k

chapter twenty-one

The next week was, as expected, full of frustrating epiphanies each time you checked your phone and realized you had no business waiting for anyone’s call or text. Not to mention, Inna’s hopeful eyes followed you whenever you were in the same room as her; she was eagerly awaiting the moment you and Jungkook would make up.

You hadn’t heard a word from him since the last party and his family hadn’t reached out to you, either. You couldn’t help but wonder how the dinner on Sunday had gone, and what excuse Jungkook used to explain your absence – he’d have to come up with a good one because you didn’t think the chances of you two talking again were very high.

In fact, you thought they were non-existent. He’d walked away from you for the second time in just one lifetime – you didn’t think it was supposed to be you who had to take the initiative and get to the bottom of things. And Jungkook would, most likely, have too much pride to offer an explanation.

So, no, you didn’t think you’d hear from him again soon. Not in the next seven years, at least.

However, life had a funny way of throwing your expectations out of the window – as you came to learn as soon as you left your final class the next Wednesday afternoon, five days after you’d last seen Jungkook, and spotted his mother looking at you expectantly from the end of the hall.

She waved at you as soon as you caught her eye and, walking over to her, you weren’t sure what to expect – her face was the perfect mask of polite indifference, so you couldn’t guess if she was here because something terrible had happened to Jungkook, or because she was getting remarried and wanted you to be her bridesmaid.

“You look lovely, dear,” was the first thing she told you when you approached her. That was enough for you to understand that she wasn’t going to be entirely honest today – she never was – because she was here in a designer two-piece, while you were wearing a—stained from an unsuccessful attempt at lunch—gray hoodie and your favorite sweatpants. “Do you have a moment to spare?”

“Sure,” you nodded after giving her a mandatory hug hello. “Would you like to get coffee? There’s a café across the quad.”

“Oh, of course,” she nodded, allowing you to exit the building first. “I’d love that.”

The two of you crossed the campus quadrangle towards the café next to the library and neither of you said a word. You’d hoped Jungkook’s mother would offer an explanation why she was here instead of making you ask her outright – that felt impolite – but that seemed less and less likely with each silent step that you took.

“You can choose a table, I’ll go place the order,” you said once you’d reached the café, “what would you like?”

“Just black coffee, no sugar, please,” she replied and then looked around the place, smiling pleasantly at every weary-eyed student that turned to look when they saw this lady with a very expensive aura come inside. “I think it’d be nice to sit by the window, hmm?”

You gave her a nod of approval and went over to order, choosing to wait by the coffee machine so you could brace yourself for what was coming when you’d join her at your table later.

Once you finally sat down opposite Jungkook’s mother, your caramel macchiato had turned from pale orange to plain white from how much your hands were shaking. His mother thanked you and, leaning forward to purposelessly stir her coffee with a spoon, she cleared her throat.

“Something happened,” she said simply. “Am I wrong?”

You didn’t want to misunderstand her. “What do you mean?”

“Between you and Jungkook,” she clarified. “He said you were busy when he was over for dinner but I could tell that wasn’t it. He looked different.”

You looked away from her to think. You were glad that Jungkook hadn’t missed the dinner even despite you not being there with him. That was a mature decision, you were almost proud of him for it.

“I… I don’t really know what to tell you, to be honest,” you said, watching your coffee and wondering why you even bought it. You didn’t feel like drinking anything. “We got into an argument after his concert last weekend, and we hadn’t talked since.”

She nodded knowingly, without the slightest change in her expression. As if this was a normal thing that she’d expected to happen sooner or later anyway. And, because she was prepared for it, she also knew just how to proceed.

“I’m not supposed to pick sides because, I suppose, I would be biased,” she started to say, giving you a warm smile as she clutched her cup in both hands, “but I have a feeling that you weren’t the one that started the argument. Am I right?”

Inhaling deeply as you shrugged your shoulders, you replied with, “actually, that’s hard to say,” and then you took a long gulp of your coffee, ignoring the burning of your throat as the hot – and unwanted – liquid struggled to make its way down.

Jungkook’s mother watched you drink in silence. She knew you were doing it only because you weren’t comfortable admitting to her that her son had never learned how to handle conflict – and who else was there to blame for that, if not his parents?

Sighing, she finally confessed, “I told myself I wouldn’t mention this to either of you because, well, it’s really none of my business, but I was backstage before Jungkook’s last concert.”

You turned to her. Noticing the confusion in your eyes, she explained, “his father and I came back to the venue early and I had to use the restroom. One of his bandmates showed me where to find the nearest one and, as I was on my way, I saw the two of you.”

Thinking what moment in particular she could have seen, you unconsciously squeezed the porcelain cup in your hands so tightly, the china almost started to crack under your fingertips. Even worse, as soon as you realized what she was getting at, you let go of the cup so quickly, it nearly tumbled off the table, splashing the contents around.

“Oh,” you said, more alarmed by the fact that his mother had seen you force him into a cold shower, than by the fact that your sweatpants were now stained with the caramel from your drink. “I was just—”

“You kicked some sense into him,” she finished for you, nonchalantly handing you a napkin, “in a way that I’d never seen anyone do before. And,” she chuckled in a good-natured way that did not conceal the admiration in her voice, “I’m his mother.”

“That’s…” you stopped yourself, choosing to wait until the warmth on your face receded and you felt less flustered. “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” you said, still not looking at her as you wiped the table, “kids aren’t easy to raise and Jungkook was a-a... a different sort of challenge. You did your best and he loves you for it.”

She was the one who was forced to look away from you this time.

“I thought I was doing my best,” she said. “I… I know it can be hard to understand, but I’d always had his best interest at heart. His and yours. You two were like two pieces of the same set when you were young.”

She smiled despite herself, but when you dared to lift your eyes to meet hers, there was a tear glistening on her face, slowly descending down her cheek. You didn’t know if it was caused by the memory or by something else that she hadn’t said yet.

“It’s…” she tried but couldn’t find the words, “I feel—ah. I don’t know how to tell you this without making you hate me. It’s my fault that you and Jungkook were apart from each other for so long.”

She struggled to keep talking and you struggled to find a way to tell her that you already knew that.

Admittedly, it wouldn’t have been hard to reach out a hand and touch her shoulder, tell her that Jungkook had already told you about this. But, by doing so, you’d have to admit that everything was fine. That you didn’t hold a grudge. That you’d moved on.

And part of it was true – you didn’t hold a grudge. But it wasn’t fine. And you hadn’t moved on.

So, you stayed quiet, letting her continue.

“I thought it was for the best,” she said, “you two, being apart, I mean. I thought it could save you both from the damage your close relationship could do to your futures. But,” shaking her head to herself, she scoffed, “that wasn’t what happened at all, was it?”

“Hmm,” you shook your head slightly, “no, it wasn’t. There was always this gap—t-this empty space in my life. It was kind of like losing a tooth. You can get it replaced, get an implant, but it’s not the same. Even if the hole isn’t there anymore, you’re still missing a tooth.”

Another tear cascaded down her face as she listened to you, only daring to nod her head when you glanced at her – which was once, right before you finished speaking.

She noticed how you didn’t question her or asked her to elaborate; you understood what she was saying.

And she understood that you had already known about this.

“You blossomed,” she said, smiling even though there were tears in her eyes, “but Jungkook never recovered. He needed you. Probably more than you needed him.”

“No. That can’t be,” you disagreed instantly. “I—I need him, too.”

Noticing the present tense, Jungkook’s mother smiled. “Then don’t be apart from each other anymore. You’re not meant to be.”

That was simple. So simple, that it got you to smile in this ironically sad way. But because this could have been one of the last times you’d ever see her – since your future with Jungkook, despite how much you said you needed him, was very unclear – you chose not to mention it.

Instead, you figured now was as good of a time as any to come clean about the real status of your relationship with her son.

“You know…” you started, “when we first came to your house, we weren’t—we weren’t really together. We were just—”

“I know,” she said and, just when you were about to continue, she finished, “that you think so.”

“I—sorry?”

“You think you came for dinner, pretending to be dating so it would leave a good impression on his father,” she explained.

It felt ridiculous to hear her say it when she wasn’t supposed to know about it. Apparently, both of you knew a lot more than you let on.

“T-that’s… yeah. That’s what we did.”

She shook her head. “No, it isn’t. Not really. You came for dinner together.”

“Well, yes, but—”

“Sweetheart, no,” she took your hand into hers. “You’d been together from the moment you first talked to each other after all those years. And, every day following that, you were more and more together.”

Feeling the warmth from her hands wash off to yours, you asked in a hushed tone, “why do you say that?”

“Because I’d watched you grow up,” she said, a smile on her otherwise clouded face. “I know you love each other in a different way than most people. You don’t have to go on dates and get to know each other before you get attached and form a connection. You don’t have to spend months with each other to fall in love. It’s already happened. Maybe it happened even before you were born. Maybe it was written in the stars, so to speak.”

She laughed as she said that last part and—because you’d been watching her with such intensity, you didn’t blink once—you felt yourself smile in response.

Then, you asked, “do you really believe that?”

“Ah,” she leaned back in her chair, exhaling. She did seem like the sort of person who believed in the happily-ever-after and she didn’t mind this image. But, because this was nor the place, nor the time for acting, she chose to be honest with you and admitted, “normally, no. But with you two? Yes. Absolutely.”

And that meant a lot more than anything else she’d ever told you when she was busy trying to maintain the look of an untroubled, completely satisfied member of a rich family.

She was human now. And she was rooting for you – she’d always been, even if she didn’t always choose the best ways to express that.

“Do you know what he did during our last dinner?” his mother asked after a moment.

Thinking she was about to tell you that Jungkook knocked his father out, you were afraid for her to continue.

“He renounced his position as the heir to the company,” she said and you saw her tears stop, a smile spreading on her lips instead – like she was proud of him. “I’ve never seen him so determined before. I don’t think his father has, either. I… I think he’s been expecting it, though. Jungkook never expressed much interest in the family business, not unless it meant pleasing his father.”

You were shocked she’d noticed Jungkook’s eagerness to be a good son to his father, but perhaps you shouldn’t have been – she was his mother. She knew him best.

Funnily enough, she thought the exact same thing about you.

“He wants to talk to you,” she said after a while, her hand still holding yours as steam ceased to rise from your cups, the drinks inside of them gradually growing colder.

“Did he tell you that?” you asked, surprised.

“No, but that’s obvious. He’s been antsy throughout our dinner on Sunday,” she spoke, “almost like that gap you’d mentioned before was especially prominent when he was supposed to be with his family, but one member just wasn’t there.”

You felt a quick spark of honor in your chest – they still considered you to be a part of their family – but you lowered your eyes, hoping to hide it.

“What bothers me the most,” you admitted slowly, “is that his method of solving arguments is so unconventional, I can never guess what he’s going to do.”

“What do you want him to do?”

“I want him to—I…” you couldn’t finish.

You didn’t want much, you just wanted to be able to admit to yourself that every time you’d been angry at him since last Friday night, was all pretend. All because you were supposed to be angry. But, the truth was, you weren’t; you were just hurt. And what you wanted most of all was to see him.

“I want to talk to him,” you said. “Because if he’s thinking of spending another seven years not talking to me, then he better give me a direct warning, so that I can tell him I won’t do this again. I won’t go through—if he doesn’t want to be with me, I’m not going to wait for almost a decade for him to change his mind.”

“That was never the case,” his mother said. “He always wanted to be with you even when he wasn’t supposed to.”

“See, but he keeps making these decisions,” you said, “these wrong decisions. He seems like he’s learned to tell right from wrong in all of these years, and yet he still—”

“He’s trying, though, isn’t he?” she interrupted you. “He fails a lot, but he always gets back up and tries again. I love him with all of my heart, but I hated to see some of the situations he’s gotten himself into over the years. He’d had to make a lot of choices for his future and he made a lot of wrong ones. I used to think that, maybe, the only right decision he’d made, was choosing to give you some space to grow seven years ago—”

“No,” you stated immediately, your voice firm and unwavering for the first time today. “The only right decision he made was talking to me again after seven years.”

His mother’s eyes watched the expression on your face change from hopeless defeat to assured confidence, and she finally let go of your hand, but not before you saw the hairs on her skin stand up as she shivered.

“You’re right,” she spoke, her voice in awe over how quickly you defended Jungkook even though, at the end of the day, you and her both knew you needed that space. You needed some time away from him.

She had come here with the intention of getting you to give her son another chance – because, God knew, Jungkook was taking his sweet time asking for it himself – but she could see now that her visit was largely pointless.

She didn’t need to ask you to fight for your relationship with Jungkook – you’d been fighting for it from day one.

“Talk to him, okay?” she asked, even though she knew this wasn’t going to be the end of your story. It couldn’t be. “As his mother, I even give you the permission to kick his ass if he won’t reach out to you first.”

You snickered at this and then looked at her as you spoke, “I’ve really missed having conversations like these with you. Not about Jungkook—I meant, over coffee, when it’s just us two.”

“I’ve missed that, too,” she replied, responding to your warm words by allowing an uncharacteristically big smile to appear on her face, “but we’ll have plenty of those in the future,” she added, “because we just got you back and we’re not letting you go.”

The next day, you were almost afraid to run into Jungkook because a conversation with him seemed inevitable, and you didn’t think you were ready for it.

The universe – that is, your class schedule – cared little whether you were prepared or not, however.

As soon as you were done with your last class of the day, you cautiously turned your head to Jungkook’s usual spot—across the auditorium from you—and found him already watching you.

The two of you eyed each other in an almost formal way – the way you would look at your professor as you approached her to inquire about a paper that was due – and then you both got up, packed your things, and, exchanging a yet another meaningful look, you both headed for the exit of the building, every single movement of your bodies completely in sync even though you hadn’t spoken a word to each other.

There was a mute agreement between you and him: you haven’t seen each other since the party last week, but now that you have, you simply had to talk again. Those were the rules for people like you – people who’d spent nearly a decade avoiding all conversation with each other, and had promised they would never go through that again.

You figured the first thing you’d say to each other after last week would be “sorry” but, as it turned out, your first words were your coffee orders as the two of you had automatically left the building to head to the campus café.

“I know my mom came to see you,” Jungkook broke the uncomfortable silence when you found an empty table at the back of the café. “Sorry if… she made you uncomfortable. I didn’t ask her to come, I swear.”

He didn’t start to speak because he had a lot to say. He started because, even though you came here with him naturally, without a single word, he knew you hadn’t come here just for a cup of coffee. You’d come to hear his explanation, his excuse, and, eventually and most importantly, his apology.

“I know,” you said even though you didn’t. It made sense for Jungkook not to ask for anyone’s help, though. “It’s okay.”

“But I’m glad she came,” he revealed, “because now I have an excuse to tell you that I, uh… I fucked up.”

Resisting a relieved sigh – because you’d been worried that resolving this argument would require the sort of maturity that neither of you had, but Jungkook was surprisingly determined to solve it the same way you solved all of your fights: by turning half of it into a joke – you sat opposite him and shrugged.

“Not the first time,” you said.

Scoffing, Jungkook agreed, “yeah. Definitely not. But I, uh… you haven’t done anything wrong. I was pissed at—I was pissed off and I let my frustrations out on you. And that’s not fair.”

You nodded, agreeing with the way he’d interpreted your last conversation.

“Well,” you said then, “that’s probably not the first time, either.”

He raised an eyebrow at your comment, a flash of concern appearing in his eyes before he clicked his tongue and said under his breath, “alright, open and honest. That’s good. I deserve that.”

You didn’t reply this time. You didn’t encourage him to keep going, either, but he took your silence as a sign that he’d obviously not said enough to make up for his words that night.

“I was wrong,” Jungkook said and paused. He couldn’t believe he’d spent every night the past week, trying to think of a way to say this to you, when it was literally all so simple. “I asked you to leave because I genuinely believed you’d be better without me, but I—I’ve never felt more afraid than when I saw you turn around and walk away. I thought it’d be for the best, but the thought of never seeing you again was terrifying. That sounds selfish now that I’ve said it, but I’m not saying it because I’m scared to lose you, even though I am. I’m saying this because I’m sorry.”

You’d forgotten how to blink as you watched him, and you thought you’d misheard him when he apologized. That was something that was understandable – a person did something they regretted, and they apologized for it – but Jungkook was never one who behaved in conventional ways.

And yet, he continued, “I’ve been caged my whole life, always blamed for the things I did that did not fit the person that I was supposed to be.”

Contrary to the conversation with Jungkook’s mother that you’ve had in this exact same spot, now you couldn’t seem to tear your eyes off of him as he spoke. Jungkook, meanwhile, scratched his temple with a nervous finger and proceeded to count the wooden tiles on the floor.

“But you’re not like them,” he was saying, not specifying who ‘they’ were because he didn’t have to, “no one’s ever given me the sort of freedom that you did. You’re the only one that allowed me to think about what I wanted. You’re the one who told me to act on it. As long as I didn’t self-destruct along the way, of course.”

He tried to lighten the mood, smiling as he said that last part, but your face remained stoic and, for a moment, Jungkook worried you hadn’t heard him. Or, worse – you had heard him, but he wasn’t saying the right things.

In all truth, that was precisely the case – you thought he was giving you too much credit. He’d blamed you for taking control of his life that night at the bar, and now he was thanking you for it.

You didn’t think you deserved the blame or the gratitude: you never wanted him to do whatever you commanded him to do. You just wanted him to stop making decisions that would lead him to an early grave.

“You…” he continued, more tentative now, “you’ve put up with me for so long and I was overwhelmed by the fact that there’s no one like you in my life. So, I guess, for a moment, you didn’t feel real to me, either, because how could you be? A-and so, I ended up blaming you for the things that I should have never blamed you for.”

You nodded, acknowledging it all, even the sleepless nights that he hadn’t told you about – he didn’t have to; the dark circles under his eyes said more than enough. You’d recognized them with ease because you’d seen them in your own mirror every morning this week.

And then you spoke, returning to the one point of your last argument that he hadn’t brought up.

The one point that may have angered you more than anything else he’d said that night.

“I didn’t agree to help you with your parents because of the company,” you said.

“I know,” he said.

Jungkook seemed to remember almost every part of that night – although, blissfully, he’d forgotten what he’d done after you’d left; there were bruises on his knuckles and his face to show for it, though – and you couldn’t decide if that was better or worse.

If he didn’t remember what happened, that could have been a sign that he was wasted out of his mind and that was why he’d said what he’d said. But that was a very poor excuse, considering that a drunken tongue often voiced out sober thoughts.

At least now you didn’t have to remind him of his own words – that would have made this conversation far less calm. But, at the same time, the fact that he could remember arguing with you, meant that he was sober enough to get himself in control back there. But he hadn’t. Instead, he’d allowed his instincts to take the wheel: he’d won against the alcohol, but lost against his own impulses.

Taking a deep breath, you thought now was your only chance to explain your reasons for being with him because you weren’t sure how this coffee date was going to play out just yet. And if this was the last time you’d see him, he deserved to know the whole truth.

“I agreed to help you,” you said, “because you asked me to.”

Nodding before you properly finished, he said, “I know—”

“But also,” you cut him off, your voice growing louder and then falling into an almost hushed tone as you said, “because I couldn’t say no to you. Not when you were desperate to get me to say yes. I—I had been in love with you for a lot longer than—than either of us realized, probably. And, maybe, I’d also wanted to know what it’d be like to be with you.”

Admitting that you wanted to play a relationship with him felt childish, and you couldn’t lift your eyes to meet his. But, even so, it also felt relieving.

You’d said it.

You’d admitted it to yourself and to him. You’d chosen to strip down to your vulnerability, and that was difficult and bold, but it also freed you from being the only person in the world who knew this.

“And,” Jungkook exhaled shakily, “what was it like?”

You felt your lips curl into a hesitant half-smile. “Not too terrible, surprisingly.”

He laughed with his whole chest and you found yourself leaning back a little, so you could take in the sight in front of you.

A beat passed as Jungkook recovered, a small smile still on his face. Then, you dared to speak again.

“I’m sorry I always tried to take care of you,” you spoke, each word calculated. You had already thought about telling him this, so you knew you chose your words right; you just weren’t sure what sort of reception awaited you.

Jungkook gave you a long look, his eyes accepting your apology while, simultaneously, trying to tell you that it wasn’t necessary.

“I’m sorry I always asked you to,” he countered, “and then demanded that you don’t.”

You smiled. “I’m sorry I’m starting to think you need to see a therapist.”

“Yeah,” he snickered, nodding, “don’t be sorry about that one. I…” he lowered his eyes before saying, “I’m sorry I accused you of controlling me when I’m the one who never lets you make your own decisions.”

Your eyebrows did a little dance, rising in surprise at first – because he’d said something you weren’t expecting – and then lowering into a frown – after you’d digested his words and came to the conclusion that you didn’t like the way they tasted.

“No, that’s—I can stand up for myself if I have to,” you said, defending both, yourself, and him, too.

“You can,” he didn’t disagree, sighing, “really well, too. No matter how much I try to stand in your way,” he paused for a minute. Then, he said, “I can’t. Stand up for myself, I mean. I think I can, but unless I’m hitting someone in the face, I—but I’m trying. Only, I’m not doing a very good job at it, clearly.”

He stopped talking even though he’d inhaled as if he had something else left to say. You watched him, waiting and slowly realizing that he had either forgotten what he was about to say, or he thought there was no point to say it.

Neither was the case. He just needed some time to gather the words.

When he spoke again, his voice was quieter, “I need you. A lot. And I’m sorry about that, too. I’m sorry I rely on you so much.”

You looked away, shaking your head, “you don’t.”

“No, I do,” he disagreed. “I always go back to you. I need you in my life and then I push you away, I’m—”

“That’s what I mean,” you cut him off, your voice more frantic than before. “You don’t rely on me. You want to, but you’re holding yourself back. I’m here for you. I was always here for you.”

The sound of his rapid heartbeat deafened him for a moment and he wasn’t sure if he really spoke, or if he just thought about it, as he tried to ask, “even though I don’t deserve it?”

“You—well, sometimes, you really don’t,” you admitted, not sugarcoating it because the expression on his face needed you to be truthful. “But, at the same time, I couldn’t think of any other person who would need someone to rely on more than you do.”

Now the beating of his heart wasn’t just deafening – it was painful, too, each beat like a sharp stab that did not merely scratch the surface of every organ inside of him, but seemed to suck all oxygen out of his lungs, too.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, “and I know it would be better for me to leave. But I—well, I can’t. I… I think that maybe—uh, maybe I picked that fight with you at the bar just so you’d walk away from me.”

His hypothetical reasoning hurt almost as much as actually walking away from him did.

“What makes you think I can walk away from you?” you asked, sounding brave but only because you hid your face behind your coffee cup as you took a sip.

“You know you can,” he replied.

Lowering the cup, you phrased yourself differently, “what makes you think I would want to?”

His blood pulsed with a desperate need to hear you say that again – a dozen more times, at least – but Jungkook tried, for once, to remain rational.

He’d gone too far that night at the bar, but it gave him the opportunity to get the closure you didn’t get when you talked to him that night in your bedroom, moving past the Seven Year Silence as if it didn’t matter anymore. As if you didn’t need to talk about that ever again, even though the lost years lingered behind you like a forgotten tail that you kept tripping over each time you took your relationship a step further.

“I’m bad,” Jungkook spoke. “I’m bad for you.”

He’d said it – and that was it. He’d stepped on the tail. Purposefully this time, with scissors in hand. Only he didn’t yet know what he’d end up cutting – the past that he couldn’t seem to move on from, or himself, out of your life.

“You’re—you’re annoying as shit. Impossible sometimes, even,” you said, remembering how irritated he’d made you feel at times. And how little it mattered, at the end of the day. “But you’re not bad for me. You’re not bad, period.”

Jungkook exhaled and opened his mouth as if he wanted to argue with you further, but didn’t know how.

In the end, he didn’t think he deserved you because he thought he was too far gone, but, as you watched him, you knew that that was exactly the reason why he did deserve you. Because he only saw his flaws – always only flaws – and he refused to consider how much more of him there was.

“I never meant to hurt you. Ever,” he said, “not even when I said those stupid things—it’s all because I’m—fuck, it all just sounds like an excuse, doesn’t it? An excuse to make me feel better about staying with you despite being bad for—”

“It might sound like an excuse,” you interrupted gently, “but it’s the one part that isn’t. You’re not bad if you didn’t mean to be. You’re not bad if you’re trying to be better.”

He thought it over for a minute and then, looking up from his abandoned cup of coffee, he gave you one final excuse, “I love you. Too much, probably.”

Inhaling sharply because the confession took you off-guard, you replied with a slight tremble in your voice, “I—I love you, too. You know I do. But I don’t want that to be something that… something that you take for granted.”

That had never been his intention – which was why his stomach clenched uncomfortably after you said this – but he knew he’d been doing exactly that: treating you like you were a constant in his life. As if he’d never lost you before. As if he couldn’t lose you again.

“I know,” he said, “I didn’t mean to. We’ve already been—”

Reading his mind, you cut in, “thank you for not waiting for seven years to apologize this time.”

Jungkook had to give you a good look before he allowed himself to react. When he saw the small grin on your lips right before you took another sip of your coffee, he laughed.

“No, I’ve learnt that lesson,” he said, “I promise.”

“Just that one, then?” you bit, not cruelly.

Jungkook lowered his eyes, taking the blow in silence.

Putting your cup of coffee down, you exhaled and kindly reminded him, “you know, you, uh—you’d promised me you would think before you acted.”

“I promised to try,” he corrected, careful. “And I’m trying, really. I’ve kept my other promises to you, haven’t I? I never lied to you.”

You nodded, “sure.”

“I’m getting myself together like my father wanted,” he stated and, looking out the window of the café, he added, “but I’m not doing it for the company.”

Surprised and, consequently, alarmed, you almost didn’t want to ask him what he meant. You were afraid there was a reason – a person – that he was trying to grow up for. You were afraid he might say he was doing this for you.

Because that would mean that his determination was temporary. He’d try to behave, try to mature, try to grow but only as long as he got a reward for it. Never because that was his own goal.

“No?” you questioned lamely, your voice almost a squeal.

“No,” Jungkook confirmed, “I’m doing it so I wouldn’t lose my teeth before I’m fifty.”

Startled at first when you recognized your own words, you felt your face break into a surprised smile. Jungkook was glad you remembered.

“I’m doing it for myself,” he said then, “so I could be with you.”

You did not say anything else – but not because you had nothing left to say. In fact, it was the opposite – you had too much to say and you couldn’t choose where to start.

“I want to…” Jungkook broke the momentary silence between you but he too struggled to find the right way to begin his next sentence. Clearing his throat and straightening his posture, he tried differently, “I want you with me through everything, but only if that’s what you want, too. If it’s not, then—”

Cutting him off with an aggressive clear of your throat – you didn’t mean to, but he was spitting out his words so quickly, you couldn’t find the right moment to interrupt him – you slid to the edge of your seat and shook your head.

“I want to be with you,” you said and then added in a matter-of-fact way, “I’ve always wanted that. But I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what you need—do you need me to be with you quietly, or do you need me to say something? Do you need me to stay or do you need me to leave you alone? Do you—”

“Stay,” he said without hesitation. “I always need you to stay.”

Leave, his voice echoed in your mind, the night at the bar still painfully fresh in your memory.

“I need you to tell me that,” you said, feeling a lump in your throat, “when you feel like you’re not thinking clearly. When you want to do something so you’d get rid of all that you’ve bottled up inside. I need you to talk to me.”

“I—”

“Don’t say you will if you don’t mean it,” you warned, noticing the determined look on his face. “I don’t want for us to keep going back and forth, because I don’t like it when you tell me to leave, only to say the exact opposite later.”

Wincing, Jungkook was forced to remember how the night ended yet again. Not wanting it to turn into another tail that you never addressed, even though it obviously strained your relationship, he cleared his throat before explaining.

“I… I just don’t want you to feel like you’re wasting your time on me,” he said, “I—I know I keep saying I’ll try to get myself together and learn how to—well, be an adult, but no one knows how long that’ll take me to learn, least of all me.”

Jungkook expected you to hesitate but your response was immediate.

“I never asked you to promise me something that you didn’t believe in. And I know that our future isn’t clear,” you said with a sympathetic nod because he didn’t give you an excuse right now. He gave you an explanation. “I’ve always known that. And I’ve stayed so far, haven’t I? So… how about you don’t worry about how long it’ll take for you to grow up? Worry about the end result instead. Worry about making sure that, at the end of the day, neither of us is wasting our time, pretending to be bigger and better than we actually are. Worry about us becoming as big and as good as we’re pretending to be. However long that takes.”

“I feel like the only way to really make sure we’re not wasting our time,” he confessed, “would be for me to leave.”

Groaning in defeat, you said, “you’re an idiot.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook needed a moment to understand why, but he got distracted by your exaggerated groan, so he just went with it, “yeah, I probably am.”

“You tell me that walking away is the right choice one more time,” you threatened, “I swear, I will punch you. And then you’ll really need stitches.”

He’d forgotten about his wounded eyebrow and the band-aid that he’d clumsily glued on it yesterday – after he accidentally ripped the wound open and didn’t want the blood to get in his eye.

Smiling now, he asked, “I thought violence wasn’t the answer?”

“You’re too thick to hear me otherwise.”

Jungkook laughed. You realized that, despite knowing him for twenty-three years now, you haven’t seen him laugh nearly enough times to get used to the sight.

“I need you, too. Okay?” you found yourself saying, hopeful that he’d really hear you this time. “A lot. And, believe me, I make it complicated for myself enough without your help—I overthink, I get scared, I hesitate, I waste my own time. But, see, I think it’s worth it. I think we’re worth it.”

He nodded, taking mental notes to ease his uncertainty about this. He had to know that being with you really wasn’t selfish on his part.

But even with your glittering eyes on him, he still needed more reassurance.

“What do you need me to do?” he asked. “I know you said I need to talk to you, I-I get that. Okay. But what do you need me to do so you wouldn’t look back at this, and think of every minute you’ve spent with me as a minute wasted?”

You didn’t have to think long about your answer.

“I need you to give yourself a break,” you told him. “You’re not something I have to “put up with”. You’re not bad for me. I need you to understand that I genuinely love you and it hurts me when you refuse to see it.”

Ready to apologize again, Jungkook suddenly stopped himself. An apology would have only been genuine if he knew what he was apologizing for – and he wasn’t sure that he did.

“I’ve never… no one’s loved me like that before,” he admitted, his eyes low.

You shook your head because that wasn’t true at all, and it was painful to know that he’d spent his whole life thinking so. He’d gotten so used to believing that he was only loved as much as he was useful, he couldn’t even see how some love was completely unconditional.

“Yes, they have,” you said, speaking slowly because you waited for him to look at you again, “your mom—she loves you much more than you see. Let her. Let me. Learn how to stop thinking of yourself as someone not worthy of love.”

“It’s—but I wasn’t always this way,” he said, not just stepping on the tail, but gripping it tightly, too. “Seven years ago. I’d been putting myself first every day before that. But that day—that last day—t-that was probably the day when I’d made the only smart decision in my life – I did the right thing by not putting myself first. I thought of you, and I walked away.”

You and him kept going in circles -- with Jungkook beating himself up for not being good enough, and then finally giving himself a moment to breathe only to return, yet again, to the loudest voice in his head: he thought he was selfish for being with you. He thought it’d be better to leave.

His mother had thought so, too, and she’d said the exact same thing to you. You’d disagreed then and you disagreed now.

“And how’d that “smart decision” work out in the end?”

“Well—”

“It obviously didn’t,” you answered for him, “or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But, you know what, you’re right about one thing – maybe the moment you overheard your mom say that she was worried about your influence on me, was exactly the moment you convinced yourself that you weren’t worth it. That you didn’t deserve to be loved unless you became exactly what you thought people wanted you to be,” you finished and Jungkook looked frozen, not daring—and not being able—to move a muscle. You felt the need to add, “so, you’re, uh—you’re right. You weren’t always this way. But this change—that wasn’t a good change. You hadn’t made a good decision. It was stupid. Walking away was stupid.”

It took him a minute to regain control of himself and when he did, he wasn’t sure what to say because, mentally, he was across the table, standing right behind you and holding you so tightly, neither of you was able to breathe.

“I was—” he said and almost choked, his mouth dry. Swallowing, he tried again, “I-I was trying to look out for you.”

“I understand your reasons,” you said, not needing him to explain it again. “Let’s say you were. But I’m not in the ninth grade anymore. You said so yourself, I can walk away. I know my limits.”

Jungkook nodded, keeping his respectful silence as he listened.

“You push them every day,” you added.

Blinking, he scrambled for a way to reply, “I—”

“And,” you weren’t done yet, “I let you know when you do. I tell you. And if you told me about what you were thinking, too, then we could work on it,” you paused, wondering if you’d said everything. Then, deciding that you hadn’t, you added, just to strengthen your point, “walking away is not the best solution. Not when it hurts more than staying.”

Jungkook feared what you would answer, but he still had to ask, “does staying with me hurt?”

Your skin prickled at the sound of his small voice.

“No,” you admitted.

“Does leaving?”

“Yes,” you said. “Always.”

Inhaling sharply, he longed to reach over the table and touch your hand, but he felt himself freeze again – as if this whole afternoon had been one dream, and he was now paralyzed: his mind awake, but his body still asleep.

“Come to my show this Friday night,” he finally asked, his breathing shallow while his words poured out of his mouth in an uncontrollable stream, “fight me and punch me if I’m wrong. Argue with me and completely shatter whatever was left of my ego after I fell in love with you. Leave me by myself if you’ve had too much. Walk away if you need some time to breathe while I learn how to be better. But always come back to me,” pausing because he needed one more moment to brace himself before saying this again, he asked, “stay with me, please.”

keep reading | masterlist

#bts reactions #bts college au #bts fanfiction #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts angst #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fanfic #college au #angst #fanfiction #fanfic #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jungkook angst #bts fanfic #bts au #jungkook au #jungkook college au

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messiisgodibeliveinhim · 3 years

Text

Taeyong

I just wanted to rant about everything that happened. So here I am.

So initially I didn't want to watch the concert because of the obvious lack of Taeyong. But i did watch it (ill*gally) on Twitter Live Stream, to see who would cover for Taeyong and how.

Okay, first of all, is it just me or was there an actual lack of preparation and production for the concert??? Like, compare it to SuperM's Beyond Live. The VCRs, the camera direction, the stage, the AR effects... Everything looked so good and exciting. But for this one, they didn't even try. The production was lacking severely and the AR effects were barely used. Everything looked rushed as if they didnt actually plan it set by set. The VCRs were just all the footages from other videos clamped together. There was nothing new or cool about this Beyond Live, even with the increased price. Overall, it looked cheap. I think, the only saving grace of this online concert were the boys themselves.

Secondly, the boys who covered for Taeyong did a good job. Obviously, no one can come close to even performing and delivering like Taeyong but the boys did fine, considering that they had to practice his parts for only 2-3 weeks. And it's a daunting task to fill such huge shoes. The pressure that the boys felt, especially the newbies Shotaro and Sungchan, to try to fill that gap, must have been immense.

But of course, NShittyzens took this as an opportunity to sh*t on Taeyong, saying stupid things like 'XYZ ate Taeyong up', 'ABC made Taeyong's song his own', 'MNO killed Taeyong's part and I think he should've been part of the original line-up instead of Taeyong', 'I hope my bias gets to shine now', 'My faves really took this "opportunity" and showed the world' etc.... Like??? Are you really that dense or just spewing bs like this cuz y'all want attention??? The same thing happened when Taeyong missed the KBS mid-year festival and the other boys covered for him for Kick It.

If y'all truly believe that you're bias only shines when Taeyong is absent, then it shows how insecure you are about you're faves talents and abilities. If you truly think Taeyong's injury is an "opportunity" for your fave, then there is clearly something wrong with you. If you think you're fave ate Taeyong up in any manner, then it shows that you just hate Taeyong. If you think Taeyong is replaceable, then you're doing piss poor job of convincing yourself. Taeyong doesn't need NCT, but NCT needs Taeyong.

He is not just the leader, but also the main dancer, main rapper, sub vocalist, the center of the group and the face of the group. He has also contributed to the group with over 30 songs and has choreographed for some of NCT songs. He is NCT's idea bank, with the numerous times he has come up with something new and interesting for their concepts or choreography (For Example: The Jungle Gym for Neo City tour, the epic finger move and Mark stepping on Taeyong for the Kick It choreography, the chandelier scene in MAW, etc) . Many professionals have constantly praised Taeyong for his creativity and excellent inputs.

Taeyong was there from the very beginning of NCT and has carried the group on his back for 4 years now. And he has always remained kind and humble, even with all the misdirected hate that he faced for years. He always puts himself down and praises all the members, no matter what. He has juggled between groups, 5 comebacks and numerous concerts, this year alone. His schedule list looks like the Bank Statement of one whole year. The way the man has worked for the past 2 years is insane. And upon that, the burden of being the leader of a group with 23 members??? Can y'all even imagine the amount of weight on Taeyong's shoulders???

And yes, the injuries he has constantly sustained for over 4 years now. We have seen various footages of him having neck braces, holding his waist and limping. He has also talked about the continuous back pain or how he was sick for 3 days after shooting a MV. SM had known exactly the extent of his injuries and still overworked him to the bone. Now his waist disc injury has relapsed and we still dont have a statement on his health or time of recovery on ANY of the SM Official Accounts. Not one word. We had to find out through a platform that's barely used and most non-twitteratti NCTzens didn't know about this whole ordeal until after the concert began.

What boils my blood is that SM knew about the relapsed injury way before, gave the boys enough time to practice Taeyong's part, but announced the concert by advertising Taeyong all over it, last Monday. And they literally only made the announcement after the concert ticket cancelation period was over. F*cking money whores! F*ck SM!!!!

The worst part of it all are the NShittyzens. Most of you didn't care about the fact that SM not only neglected the leader's health but also scammed Taeyong's fans. When TyongFs began to get refunds for the concert, some of you accused them and started dictating what they should do with their own money, pulling sh*t like- 'Taeyong as a leader, wants his group to do well. Now he would be sad knowing that fans dont care about the group cuz y'all are getting your refunds'. Really? Cuz most y'all who said this watched the concert illegally, makes it even more funny to me. And its none of you're business, how anyone else spends their money. And if you think Taeyong cares about SM losing money, then you're just stupid. If it's anyone in the whole group who'd say 'F*ck Capitalism!', it's Taeyong. So STFU!

Also, when TyongFs started demanding an official statement from SM about Taeyong, some of y'all went- "You're just a fan. Y'all dont have any right to cross the boundaries of Idol-Fan relationship and ask for personal stuff. Other artist fans didn't get any official statement, so why should you?'. We didnt ask for his f*cking medical records. We just want a statement from SM's official accounts about his health and his time of recovery. That's it. SM has refused to acknowledge the injuries of other artists before, doesn't mean that this pattern has to continue. And as fans, we are entitled to know about the artist, cuz WE CARE...! Cuz a waist disc injury relapsing aint a small thing. The amount of pain that Taeyong is probably enduring right now.... We dont even know the extent of it. We dont know how long he needs to recover or even how long SM will give him to rest. We don't know anything and we are scared. So just wanting a statement about it, isnt 'crossing the boundaries' as you put it. So again, STFU!

Y'all don't care about Taeyong, fine. The least you can do is respect him and not discredit his hardwork. After everything he has done and continues to do for NCT, y'all keep going with the 'Taeyong is the villain' narrative. He isn't stealing your faves lines or screentime. He isn't pushing them back to 'shine more'. He isnt the bad person you think he is. Y'all rejoicing now that he is injured, happy that your faves got to take up Taeyong's part or just hateful saying your fave was better than Taeyong.... It just ain't it.

No other group leader gets the kinda hate Taeyong does, even though he does 5 times the work for the group than any other leader. Yes, Taeyong has multiple positions the group, all deserved. Yes, he is a very charismatic and an amazing performer on the stage, that lures new fans in. Not his fault that he grabs everyone's attention. Yes, he is very talented in so many aspects. But that doesn't mean you get tobblame you're faves mistreatment on him, cuz he himself is being mistreated by SM. So don't come at me with you're 'SM's golden boy' bs! I will taze your ass and watch supernanny as you crawl under the carpet!

Maybe you're right about how you're faves dont get to shine enough when they're on the same stage as Taeyong, cuz his charisma and aura is very magnetic, you can't help but watch him and him only. I thought only TyongFs have this kinda tunnel vision but apparently, all of you have it as well....

Here's the thing. You don't like it when Taeyong gets praised all the time, whether its his dance or rap or anything at all. Cuz you don't like Taeyong. So why are you even focused on him and TyongFs. If I don't like anything, i simply ignore it. So instead of focusing on Taeyong, focus on hyping up your fave (again, by not dragging Taeyong, not even subtly). It ain't hard, trust me.

At least have the human decency to not rejoice over the fact that he is injured. The sh*t i see online everyday, some of y'all have totally lost it.

And lastly, no one can eat up Taeyong. No one can do his part better than him. Hell, no one can even come close to doing what he does. So get that delusion outta your heads. Its embarrassing.

#Taeyong #Lee Taeyong #Bubu #NCT #NCT 127 #NCT 2020 #Beyond Live #RESONANCE #Kick It #Respect Taeyong #Get Well Soon Yongie #We Miss You🌹#Take As Long You Want #We'll Wait #Thank You Taeyong #F*CK SM #F*CK NshittyZens #F*CK Taeyong Antis

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

[yourheaventonight]

Where have you been all my life? I’ve always been right here.

Can you recite the Greek alphabet backwards? Nope. Or at all.

What social networks are you a part of? Like every main one.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? I’m not a total expert on anything.

What is one thing you will never understand? Why I’m like this.

Do you blog? This is it.

What was the last movie you watched? Godzilla vs Kong.

^Would you recommend it? Yeah, I enjoyed it. Admittedly, I was mainly interesting for Alexander Skarsgard, but I did think the movie was good.

With whom did you share your last awkward moment? My life is an awkward moment.

When was the last time you got all dolled up? It’s been yearsss.

Gimme yer best shot and insult me. Go ahead. Uh, no.

What do you think makes a person attractive? Physical attributes, certainly, but personality traits and who they are as a person makes a person attractive to me as well. Even more so.

Out of everyone you know, who has the worst taste in music? I don’t think anyone I know has bad taste in music, I share a lot of the same music taste.

^How about the best? ^^^

Can guys REALLY pull off skinny jeans? They can wear whatever they want.

What is one thing you missed out on that you wish you hadn't? I missed out on a lot of my 20s I feel like, it feels like a complete blur. I don’t know what happened to them. And now I’m in my 30s and I feel like I’m missing out on those, too. Just life, in general for the past several years. Everyone around is me is doing things and living life and I’m just wasting away.

What was the last thing/place you decorated? My room for Christmas.

Have you just recently started listening to any new bands? No. It’s been a long time since I’ve discovered any new bands.

How many windows/tabs are open on your computer right now? Two windows, 7 tabs.

Would you rather date someone really skinny or really overweight? I want to date someone based on other things.

Let me in on a little secret of yours. Nah.

What is one habit you had as a child? Nail biting/picking.

^Do you still have that habit today? Sigh, yes.

Is there someone you wish you were closer with? Yes.

^What's stopping you from being closer with them? I’ve been so distant and withdrawn from everyone.

Besides air, what was the last thing you inhaled? The scent of my ramen earlier.

Which point in life do you think is hardest? (i.e. childhood, adulthood...) For me it’s been the past few years.

How was life going for you, say, six months ago? Not well.

^Is that the same as today, or have things changed? Things have changed, but not in a good way.

Who was the last person to make you frown? It’s been things I’m struggling with doing that, not a person.

^Was anyone able to turn that frown upside-down? No.

What was the last non-papery substance you drew on? I have no idea.

What is one thing you wish you had the courage to do? Get certain things checked out and taken care of that I’ve put off for too long.

Which is bigger: Your iTunes library or your CD collection? My iTunes collection was definitely better. I haven’t used iTunes since like 2012, though, and I don’t have any CDs anymore.

What is your one true weakness? I’m just weak.

When is the last time you had hot chocolate? It’s been a couple years.

Composition notebooks or spiral notebooks? Why? Spiral. I just like them better.

What is the most bizarre compliment you've ever received? That I looked pretty for someone with polio. I don’t have polio, but they assumed I did just because I’m in a wheelchair. Also, what does that even mean? “For someone with polio.” Wtf?

Do you identify more with guys or girls? I think I relate more to girls.

When someone you know is sad, how do you go about cheering them up? I kinda suck at that and don’t know what to do or say.

Has someone ever accused you of not being creative enough? I say that about myself. I lack creativity or any artistic ability.

Starbucks coffee or Dunkin Donuts coffee? I’ve only had Dunkin’s coffee a few times, but I’ve had Starbucks countless times and I do like it, so I’ll go with that. I do wish I had a Dunkin where I live cause apart from the donuts, I’ve heard they do have good brewed coffee.

Do you crack under peer pressure? Yepppp. And it doesn’t take much.

What do you think deserves more attention than it already gets? Hmm.

What song never fails to get stuck in your head? Songs I hear in commercials.

Who is your favorite vocalist? Why? Chester Bennington is one. His voice was incredible.

What is your most overused emoticon? This one: 😬 Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) Nah.

When was the last time you had a bagel? Hm. It’s been awhile, actually. I don’t even remember. Can you lick your own elbow? No.

What time during the day/night is your mind most active? At night when I’m up alone.

What color ink does your favorite pen have? I have a nice set of colorful pens that I really like.

What was the last thing you licked? My lips.

Who was the last person in your bed besides yourself? Just me. Can you touch your tongue to your nose? No.

What flavor mouthwash do you use? I don’t. Mouthwash irritates my mouth.

What tends to distract you most? I just find myself zoning out a lot. Like, someone will be talking to me and I feel myself getting overwhelmed quite easily and drift out and it doesn’t mean they’re boring or talking about heavy things (sometimes they are). I get like sensory overload. Or I’ll just be sitting in bed and zone out.

Is the perfect man or woman a myth? Yes. No one is perfect.

How do you feel about Bob Marley? I like a couple songs.

What's your favorite fairy tale? I liked reading or listening to all of them when I was growing up. <<<

Do you know who Tom Jones is? Yes.

Tell me one fact you know about horses (without using Google). They have manes.

When was the last time you had to walk up or down stairs? Well, never since I’m in a wheelchair.

Tell me one unique quality about your own handwriting. My handwriting is shit.

What daily chore do you secretly enjoy? I don’t enjoy any type of cleaning.

Has a child ever asked you a question you found difficult to answer? Definitely. Kids ask a lot of questions about everything and anything.

Name five books you've read in the past year. I’ve read a ton more than that, but I’ll give you the latest 5: Cold Highway, Cold Threat, Cold Hunt, Cold Truth, and To Die For. You can probably tell the first 4 are by the same author, Mary Stone. The last one is by Willow Rose.

^Are any of those books your favorite? I’ve enjoyed ‘em all. I’ve read a lot of books from both authors.

Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? I don’t re-read books, actually.

Which hobby is the lamest: stamp collecting or spoon collecting? I wouldn’t call either of them lame just cause it might not be something I’m personally interested in. Those bring some people joy.

What do you daydream about most often? My mind wanders off to random stuff, stuff I’m dealing with, stuff I’m anxious and stressed out about, etc.

Why is your favorite band your favorite band? I’ve listened to them since middle school, so we have a lot of history. I really just connect and relate to their lyrics and I love their music.

Do you have a favorite talk show host? Nah.

What do you wish you could afford at the moment? A beach home with my own private beach area.

What is the most unusual color you've ever painted your nails? I can’t think of any “unusual” colors that I’ve painted them.

Which sounds the most refreshing: a hot shower or a cold one? I always take hot showers.

Have you ever made your own soap? No.

What's your favorite popsicle flavor? Not a popsicle fan.

Can you sleep with socks on? Yeah, I always have socks on.

When was the last time you were pissed beyond belief and why? I’ve been frustrated and pissed with some things I’ve been dealing with lately.

Name a band with the word 'red' in their title. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Do you have a favorite candle brand? I’m not a candle person. I just go for the room sprays.

How many years until you turn 38? 6. D:

What is your opinion on taxidermy? I find it super creepy and weird.

Would you ever want to own a body part in a jar? Uh, no.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to your own hair? Let it get really knotted up. :/

What do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? Nothing.

What qualities of yours do you think could potentially harm a relationship? I’m a total mess, I wouldn’t make a good girlfriend.

How often do you indulge in a favorite food from your childhood? I eat ramen regularly.

Have any of your childhood habits carried over into adolescence/adulthood? My damn nail picking habit.

What is the nicest thing you've done for someone else in the past 24 hours? Nothing.

What sort of conditions do you require in order for you to fall asleep? It needs to be cool and I have to have the TV on.

What is the first band that comes to mind when I say 'dark'? Uhhh.

Do you have a favorite punk band? Green Day.

As far as relationships go, what are your biggest deal-breakers? Abuse and cheating. <<<

Be honest: do looks really matter to you? They’re like a bonus to me. <<<

Congratulations! Someone sent you flowers! What kind do you hope they are? I’m not picky, just a pretty assortment perhaps would be nice.

What type of underwear do you personally prefer to wear? Hipsters.

What is the grossest chore you've ever been assigned? Nothing gross.

What band (BESIDES IRON MAIDEN) comes to mind when I say 'iron'? I got nothin.

Have you ever done something simply because you were of age? I had to go out and buy alcohol the day I turned 21.

Do you think it's worth it to tell someone you had feelings for them when you don't have them anymore? Wait, tell them I used to have feelings for them but don’t anymore? If I don’t anymore then why tell them about when I used to? Unless of course we were in a relationship and I no longer felt that way.

What color shirts do you tend to buy most often? Black.

Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Yeah.

Where would you rather go: Portland, Oregon or Portland, Maine? Portland, Oregon.

Name a band that begins with the letter Y. Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Tell me about someone who has made a huge impact in your life. My mom most definitely has.

What can I usually find you doing at 4pm on a weekday? At that time any day I’m likely still sleeping.

What's a food you love but don't get to eat very often? I only eat the same few foods, so I eat them quite often. Like, I eat Wingstop 3-4 times a week...

Do you dot your lowercase i's? Yes.

What's the first song on your iPod/mp3 player that comes up under P? I use Spotify on my phone for music, but anyway nah I don’t feel like doing that.

Do the words 'Amon' and 'Amarth' mean anything to you? No.

What's your favorite mythical being? I don’t really have a favorite.

Don't you hate surveys that end abruptly? As long as the question itself isn’t cut off, which I’ve seen, or it’s a numbered one and a question is completely missing then I don’t care.

Let's end this survey with a smile; tell me something funny. I’m not in a good mood to think of something funny right now.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #344

“my whole existence is flawed”

Have you ever thought about becoming a crime scene investigator? No. Do you think you could win on Jeopardy? Not at all. What do you normally call your mother? (mommy, mom, mother, mum, etc.) Usually "Mom" or "Ma," sometimes "Mama." Does your significant other complain about the way you dress? I'm single, but I would never tolerate an s/o who complained about/told me how to dress. Like bye, fuck you. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Are you right now? No, thankfully. What would you do if a stranger smacked your ass and whistled? They're getting fucking punched. In the face. Do you know anyone who has died from cancer? Multiple people. Ever have to call the cops on someone? Not me personally, but my sister did while I was in the car with her due to a clearly drunk as fuck driver. Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? Hell no, I avoid changing even in front of my mother. Have you ever dated someone in secret? Dated, no. But Joel and I were a secret. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? What I really want right now is a job. What are you listening to right now? A slowed-down with reverb version of "Closer" by In This Moment. It's p hot. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes. What confuses you most? Why terrible things can happen to the most undeserving of people. Have you ever been called a bad influence? Yes. Not like she was a good one whatsoever. What's the weirdest compliment you've ever received? I don't know, really. Have you ever thought you could 'save' someone? No. It's funny, apparently Jason thought I could "save" him, and would'ja look at that, he scarred me for life. Do you prefer weed or cigs? I've never smoked either, but at least weed has benefits, so. What do your parents say about smoking? Well, my dad smokes like a chimney, but he does tell my sisters and me to absolutely never start it. Mom is very firm about us not smoking. She'd probably be heartbroken if any of us started. Do like kissing with tongue or without? I mean, that depends on the mood as well as how serious we are. What show is hilarious to you? That '70s Show absolutely cracks me up. Who last made you upset? My Dad and stepmom, ranting about how the Covid vaccine is being forced on us and is dangerous. I'm very much for it and am getting it myself soon, so I was just like... shut the fuck up. I just kept my lips zipped, but by god did I want to say something. Does he/she usually upset you? I sometimes regret having my stepmom on Facebook because of her shitty political views, but she in general doesn't upset me. I love her, really. Dad doesn't upset me, really. What would your parents do if you got a tattoo? They don't care, especially knowing how much I love them. What is your favorite musical? None. Do you have any interest in visiting Japan? Yeah, though I don't think it's something I'd go out of my way to do. If I had the opportunity though, I'd surely go. I would love to take photos there, and it's this odd desire of mine to visit Aokigahara Forest and just walk along the "safe" paths and just... feel it. I don't want to find any bodies because I think that would shatter me, I just want to allow myself to like, drown in empathy for all those that left their lives in those trees. I feel like I'd cry a LOT, because I'd prefer to do it alone and just talk to whoever may be able to hear from wherever they are now, and just let them know they're not forgotten or abandoned and that they were never alone. This is honestly getting me really emotional so I'm moving onto the next question. But in summary, I feel like it could honestly be a life-changing experience. What is your favorite Japanese name? I like A LOT of Japanese names I've heard, but they're all evading me now. Do you ever listen to Jpop? No. Who do you go to for advice? Mom or Sara. Have you ever ran a cash register? Yeah, when I worked at the dollar store. Have you ever worked as a server? No. Did you collect Bratz dolls when you were younger? I didn't collect them, no, but I shared a few with my sister. Do you think your mom is attractive? I think my mom's beautiful. Her smile especially puts gold to shame. She actually kinda broke down the other day because she thought she was ugly, and it just broke my damn heart. Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster? I've never been on a roller coaster and don't plan to try one, but I reeeaaally don't like that feeling in any situation. What is your most severe allergy? Pollen. How and when were you baptized, if applicable? I was baptized as a baby the traditional Catholic way. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? I think carving is more fun. Have you ever walked through a haunted house? One that was part of a Halloween attraction, yeah. What computer game did you used to play all the time? I played lots as a kid, but my favorite had to be I Spy: Spooky Mansion. My lil sis and I were obsessed. How do you feel about Motorhead? I don't love them, but I do enjoy some of their songs. I never thought Lemmy was that great of a vocalist, but I respect him as an artist and hope he rests in peace. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever pulled a muscle? *shrugs* What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) If we're talking only real-world symbols and not ones that only exist in fantasy media, I actually think the Satanic (no, not inverted) cross is a cool design. It has nothing to do with my stance on Satanism, I just think it's an appealing look. What methods are most effective for you when you’re trying to relax? If I REALLY need relaxation, just leave me alone and let my put on earplugs and just like, disappear from the real world for a bit. Would you rather date your opposite, your ‘twin’, or someone in between? Someone in-between, I think. More similar to me though would be preferred versus someone that's my opposite. How many videos do you have favorited on your YouTube account? I think I'm actually at the max? I think they just get replaced with newer ones by now. Do you know anyone who has carpal tunnel syndrome? Me, actually. My older sister does, too, and actually had surgery for it. Which do you prefer: M&M’s, Skittles, or Reese’s Pieces? Reese's Pieces, but I love all three. If you could be the sidekick of a superhero which superhero would you pick? If I was Spiderman's sidekick, could I throw webs and zing around like a monkey too? ;_; I think being Batman's sidekick would be pretty cool too, seeing as to my knowledge he's more about stealth, which would be fun to go along with. Do you think that you could ever win a food eating contest? No fucking way. They gross me the hell out. What is your favorite thing about the country you live in? How much freedom we have here. Although, it can definitely be abused, and some people do abuse it... Have you ever snuck somebody into your house? No. Have you ever snuck into somebody else’s house? No. Honestly, have you ever thrown garbage out of the window of a car? No, and you fucking repulse me if you do. It is not that challenging to hold onto your shit until you get out of the car and find a trashcan. Honestly, have you ever stuck gum under a table or desk? No, that shit is disgusting. Just get your lazy ass up and spit it out. Which would you find more menacing: dinosaurs or dragons? Well, considering dragons can, you know, breathe fire... Can you name three different kinds of dinosaurs? Spinosaurus, allosaurus, stegosaurus. What’s the name of the last person you kissed? Sara. Is your heart broken at the moment? Nah. Who’s the last guy you argued with? I don't know. I avoid arguing with guys to the absolute best of my ability because I'm terrified of making them mad. What about the last girl? My mom. Would you marry the last person you kissed? Not at this current time, but later down the road of us both building ourselves up, I possibly would. Who’s the last person that asked you out? Girt. Out of all of your exes, who treated you the best? Sara. Who is the person you have hurt the most? My damn self. Who is the person that has hurt you the most? Jason. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? It feels like it sometimes, but when it really comes down to it, no, I don't. Who was the last baby you held? My niece Emerson. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? My dad did quite a lot before us kids were born, apparently. I can guess pretty damn easily that Mom made him cut that shit out before having my sisters and me. Mom, to my knowledge, has never tried anything at all. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? No. Did you cry at your high school graduation? I remember I teared up slightly. What was the last non-papery substance you drew on? I have no idea. Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) No. What do you beat yourself up about the most? I'm 25 fucking years old and have never had a stable job or just felt "adult" in general. Which has hurt you more: friendship break-ups or bf/gf break-ups? The breakup with Jason, who was my boyfriend, so. What’s the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done? Gone to a mental hospital. The first time was so, so scary. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I don't know. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Have you ever been mistreated by a cop? No. Have you ever experimented with any sort of witchcraft? No. Which animals are you afraid of? Some bugs and spiders, and whale sharks are a phobia of mine. I also find giant squid to be terrifying, but also very intriguing. Oh yeah, then there's my extreme aversion to maggots and similar larvae. Did you pray to God when you were a child? Usually. Mom raised us to, but some nights I slacked with it and just wanted to sleep. What is your favorite flavor of frosting? Maaan, don't make me choose. What color is your skin naturally? Very pale. Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? No. What was the last thing you took a video of? I have no idea. I have no recordings on my phone, so. Have you ever been somewhere where you didn’t fluently speak the local language? No. Have you ever had famous neighbors? No. Do you have any medication that you keep with you at all times? Yeah, one of my anxiety meds. What are some things a house would need to have for you to purchase it? Besides the very obvious, mine has to have a dishwasher. I. HATE. Washing dishes by hand. Do you own a pet spider? No, but I DESPERATELY want some tarantulas. :( I've tried convincing her, but Mom's very adamant about the fact I will NOT own one so long as I live with her. I also love jumping spiders and attempted to convince her about one of those versus a tarantula, but still, answer's a firm no, haha. Do you call your animals “baby names”? Well duh. Have you ever been stood up? No. Do you own a fishtank? No. Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? God no. I'll sing it jokingly, though, because y'know, childhood and all. Do you own a feather boa? No. We did at one point, though. A hot pink one. Are you allergic to peanuts? No. Do you wear ribbons in your hair? No, my hair's too short for that. I never did, though. Do you use cheat codes on video games? I generally only use codes that you can actually earn in the game for like, new outfits or weapons in subsequent playthroughs. I won't use the kinds of codes that make you invulnerable and stuff, but rather just fun little cosmetics and such. Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? Ugh, no. I don't like getting dirty, so that is NOT my kind of fun. What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? Watermelon. Have you ever played Dance Dance Revolution? Of course! We had the dance mat as kids and loved to play the games. What is the last thing you dropped? I don't really remember. Have you ever done the “Cupid Shuffle?” Yeah, at school dances and such. Do you know how to do the Soulja Boy dance? Haha omg, I did as a kid. My friend, sister, and I all learned it. How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? My mom actually got me a Reese's egg for Easter, so not long ago at all.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''closer'' by in this moment

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 4 years

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ZP character stuff for other people, Damian part 2

So... what is tired, gay, has 4 wheels and realized that I forgot to do some stuff in my last post. Me! (I lied about the wheels)

For anyone just showing up, this is a "pilot " I suppose you could say for a new series of mine. It's made for the ZP fanfic writers out there. I talk about some misconceptions about a character from ZP and mention some stuff that other people who have not obsessively combed through the internet for info may not know. I did a post on Damian, but I actually forgot a few things, so...

Also, while I appreciate the positive feedback, please tell me what character you people would like to see next! That way I don't have to guess (which is something that I'm bad at). I hope you enjoy this continuation, and if you haven't seen the first part, go read that first.

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#Damian did nothing wrong

In my last post, I mentioned how people tend to write Damian differently depending on how they feel about him. While I talked about how some write him as 100% awful, the opposite extreme is also present. I've seen some writers make Damian out to be (ironically enough) an angel who isn't THAT bad, he's just misunderstood. Or at least I see people take some of the bad things that he has done and lessen them.

Look, I get that people may want to make this character easier to relate to, but I'd like to argue that he can still be written as a Sinnamon roll while still addressing the fact that he can be a little shit. I mean, why do so many people like Dame despite his more shitty actions in the comic? Because there's enough good in the character to work with to keep him likeable. At the very least, we can hold him accountable for shit he's done and admit, yeah, this ain't no perfect angel.

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Lol, what is that voice?

This actually comes from a casting call thing done by Vivz herself where she gave descriptions of characters' voices. Something that I thought was interesting was the way Dame's voice was described. "High pitched " and "giggly". Now, as I have looked at voices Vivz has said fit Dame, by high pitched we're not talking Alvin and the Chipmunks. Going off the Headcanon voices of Mclovin from Superbad and Kenny Loggins, I assume she means that his voice would be in the upper register. For any vocalists out there, think tenor or soprano. For any non music people, think Mitch from Pentatonix.

As for "giggly" I assume you either is meant to suggest that he laughs a lot in general or that he has a tendency to giggle while talking, perhaps specifically when he's excited about something.

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Let's sing songs about rainbows!...oh, and Nicki Minaj

Vivz has said that one of Dame's favorite songs is Rainbow Connection. Yes, Damian is a fan of the Muppets and Kermit is his idol. (He must have one wierd playlist. Just imagine a playlist that has something from one of the Muppets movies followed by Anaconda) Oh yeah, and he's a Nicki Minaj fan. He even knows the dance for Super Bass. Vivz has drawn Damian singing Rainbow Connection a few times, and there are some drawings here and there with Damian jamming to some NM. He also apparently hates the Beatles and loves Lady Gaga. I know this all seems strange to mention, but I know that some fanfic writers like to incorporate songs into their works so... there you go guys. Have fun.

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Is this guy ok?

In a comic that can be found on Vivz's art portfolio, she mentions something interesting about Dame. She mentions that Damian "used" to be a "nutter" before he came to Safe Haven. By "nutter " this apparently involves him believing that he can talk to inanimate objects and him freaking out about constantly being surrounded by death all the time. The comic is done in the style of the Invader Zim cartoon, so it may look a little different than Vivz's usual stuff (incase you want to find it).

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He can't handle chick flicks

Finally, in a comic starring him and Ink, Vivz mentions that Damian is a fan of comedy movies. It's unknown his opinion of other genres, but it seems that he has a problem with tragic romance movies. At least with Titanic anyways. He not only screams in frustration when the Male love interest dies, but he bursts into tears and collapses into Ink's lap at the end of the movie.

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And that's all!.... I think.

I apologize for wasting your time

- ATOUN

#zoophobia #zoophobia damian

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mithrilwren · 4 years

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Movie breakdown number 2 of the day! I just saw Cats! I really enjoyed it! Let’s go!

Ok, so like, I don’t really know how to structure this, so I’m just going to go song by song and bookend it by general thoughts!

Overall, the uncanny valley I was expecting got pretty bearable within the first few minutes. The tail twitches got me at first, but I ended up really liking what they did with the CGI portions of the costumes, particularly the emotive ears (especially on Victoria, who just wins for emotiveness overall). I think the reason it feels strange in the first scene in particular is that we’re still in a relatively... tame setting? Like, we see Victoria flung from a bag into a regular old street, and so we haven’t got that heightened sense of reality yet, the kind that really kicks off as soon as we jump into The Old Gumbie Cat and things get real wack-a-doodle. The film’s commitment to outrageous sets and acting and choreography and ridiculousness really works with the CGI - I don’t think you could do one without the other. Like @paladinical said, you’ve just got to buy in.

Alright, to the songs!

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats - I did not expect to get drawn in so quickly, but as soon as the first strains of this song hit, I was flung backwards in time to being seven and watching the Cats stage movie for the first time. I must confess, I got chills at the line “Do you know how to get to the Heavyside Layer?” It was also pretty clear to me from this song that they actually hired very talented singers, whose vocal quality doesn’t feel out of place in this sort of broadway production (more on that later). Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Tom Hooper’s Les Mis with all my heart, but if I could name one weakness about that film, it was a lack of vocal cohesion. The actors might have been alright singers in their own right, but they certainly didn’t have tone qualities that blended together nicely (with the exception of Les Amis, who not coincidentally, I think, were primarly made up of theatre actors). I was really impressed with how well everyone matched here. This is also the first time we get to see ‘main cat dude’ (apparently his name is... Munkustrap????? idk man I don’t remember them mentioning his name). That character has to be able to carry the entire structure of the musical on charisma alone, and man does this actor deliver. Instantly engaging, might be my favourite voice of the whole cast. Definitely a good choice for the part.

Naming of the Cats - creepy, just as it should be. I was already really happy here with what they chose to do re. Victoria as POV character. Getting to see her reactions - fear morphing into delight - really helps bring the audience along on the journey.

The Old Gumbie Cat - I always find it unfortunate that this is the first big cat song of the musical, because I (personally) find it the least interesting of the whole bunch - I never cared for it in the movie version either. And this is where I come back to vocal cohesion from above - I like Rebel Wilson well enough as an actor, but I found her the weakest vocalist of the movie. Comparatively, her singing sounded thin, and surprisingly pitchy in parts, and I was a little worried going out of this song that that’s what I’d have to expect from the rest of the famous contingent of the cast. Luckily, that turned out not to be true, but it couldn’t rescue this song for me.

The Rum Tum Tugger - Fun fact, the first time I was ever called a bitch in my memory, it was for telling a girl in high school that Jason DeRulo just Wasn’t That Good. (In hindsight, I deserved it - I was kind of being a dick about it.) Anyways, I actually loved him here! I found his Rum Tum Tugger a little more endearing than the stage film - I got the sense that the other cats weren’t so much swooning/orgasming over him, as just humouring his antics, like any good friends would. He had a really pleasant sound, and his dance movies were great. I also just really enjoyed seeing him in the background of other scenes. That’s another overall comment, I liked how the cast so much felt like a CAST, rather than a bunch of individual actors here to sing their big parts and be done. You got to see these big names playing background in other peoples’ scenes! That was cool!

Gonna skip over Memory for now

Grizabella the Glamour Cat - Not too much to say on this one, other than it was interesting that this film actually gave the rest of the cats a reason to hate her, other than her being ugly and old. She joined with Macavity! Though they must have had a falling out. I do love Victoria as the newcomer, and the bridge who is able to see Grizabella with fresh eyes.

Bustapher Jones - I actually quite like this song, and thought it started strong. Maybe this is just my prior expectations creeping in, but I always liked the idea of Bustapher Jones as this legitimately dignified, if a little stuffy, cat, that the others respect and only affectionately rib at. I’m not sure how I feel about his transformation to absolute buffoonery here - no, that’s a lie. I didn’t like it. I wish they hadn’t gone for the cheap ‘oh he’s fat’ laughs. I think they could have done something more clever with it. _shruggie_

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer - I confess, the first part of this song threw me, because it sounded so different to what I remembered. I actually listened to the original soundtrack version on the bus ride home, and was doubly confused to find the two matched pretty well. Finally, I watched the stage movie version, and I saw what the disconnect was. The stage movie had, at least from what I could tell, a fair bit more syncopation, and both the OST and this movie kept the meter straight, which made the two sound slightly less off-kilter than I was expecting. That being said, once I got past the difference, this might be my favourite scene-by-scene shot of all the cat songs. It was just so much fun. I adore the idea of sweet Victoria having genuine fun making trouble with these two screwballs, who as much as they’re working with Macavity at times, don’t seem to have bad hearts past wanting to make mischief. I was smiling the whole way through.

Old Deuteronomy - Aka the song where I fell asleep the first time I watched this movie. I had forgotten Judi Dench was playing the character! She definitely elevated the part for me - solemn but playful, and affectionate in a way that makes me understand why the other cats respect her.

The Jellicle Ball - Man, this choreography was real good. Victoria, again, stands out - her movement quality is just beautiful, so strong and fluid, and charismatic cat dude is back at it again!

Beautiful Ghosts - If we’re going to go back to comparisons between this and Les Mis, I do think this new song fits better into the makeup of the play than Suddenly did there. Victoria has a very sweet voice, and her continually reaching out to Grizabella has to be one of the most emotionally affecting parts of the whole movie. She just wants her to come inside, like she was welcomed inside! It’s so sweet and good!

Gus the Theatre Cat - Speaking of emotionally affecting, Ian McKellan went for it, eh? I didn’t even remember this song existed, but McKellan’s earnestness really shone through and made it something special.

Skimbleshanks - Another song I didn’t remember existing! And will probably forget again come nightfall, but I thought the sound design in the railway tapping sequence was super cool.

Macavity - I didn’t even realize that was Taylor Swift until halfway through the song, so kudos to her! (Another fun fact: I once sang this song for an audition and got totally lambasted by the directors because it apparently shows off nothing about your vocal range or ability. Which, again, fair.) This song is delighfully campy, and it was so fun to finally get to see Macavity out of the shadows. Idris Elba was clearly having fun for this whole film, and I loved watching him be deliciously evil.

Mr. Mistofelees - This is definitely a departure from what I remember from the stage show, which is... nothing. I vaguely remember Mr. Mistofeless sort of being a non-entity in the actual story, as much as I liked his song. They did a better job in this movie of setting him up with an actual presence in other parts of the film, so when we get to this elevated, suddenly-plot-relevant rendition, we actually care about him and want him to succeed.

Memory - I straight up didn’t like this song going in. I’ve never liked it. I found it trite, and boring, and could not comprehend why it was so popular. Congratulations, Jennifer Hudson, for making me start to get it. Mostly, though, the biggest thing that I think made a huge difference in how much more I liked this song here than I have before, is that they made the line “Touch me!” mean something. There’s so much in the language of touch in this film, that’s been firmly established before we get to this song. The cats nuzzle, they dance together, they lie together, they mimic each other. And their refusal to get near Grizabella says so much without needing words. I didn’t shed a tear, but I certainly got emotional when Deuteronomy and Grizabella finally touched foreheads. Acceptance, without words. Really beautiful.

Ok, I think that’s it! Overall, I thought this movie was pretty dang good. I’d put it on again just to watch the choreography. With some minor exceptions, I’d probably listen to the sountrack again too! I think the strongest points for me were definitely the way that the cast of characters felt like an affectionate, cohesive family, and the commitment to the sentimentality of it all. If there’s one thing I can call this film, it’s earnest, and it was so nice to go into something that didn’t reek of cynicism, but of hope, and found family, and second chances.

@paladinical that got a little longer than I anticipated! Hopefully you enjoy my rambling thoughts, haha.

#cats 2019 #yes I unironically enjoyed this more than star wars don't @ me

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flwrcrwnbncr · 5 years

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Best Non-Studio Hanson Tracks

(In no particular order)

Troublemaker - Billboard’s Mashup Mondays Sessions // This is definitely a favorite. It sounds nothing like the original and I think that’s a good thing? I like the original, don’t get me wrong, but this is like a whole different song and I love that fact so much. Go in with an open mind, there are some... interesting, I think is a good word. Interesting lyric changes, but it’s not enough to ruin the song.

Kiss Me When You Come Home - Tay’s Music Exchange // This song was one of my favorites already, but this version is so much closer to the way I remember hearing the song at the Stand Up, Stand Up EP recording. It’s a little bit more calming than the studio version, but doesn’t sacrifice the wonderful piano solo in the process of stripping it down.

Hey - Underneath Acoustic // Why is this not on YouTube????? This is far superior to the album version, even if you only base it off that bit with the jump to a higher note near the end that ISN’T INCLUDED IN THE STUDIO VERSION, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING HANSON?????

Strong Enough To Break - Strong Enough To Break // This one took some thought, I almost equally love the Underneath Acoustic version. The deciding factor was that this version showcases their voices just that much more. There’s something about the more stripped down sound it has, as well as the abrupt ending, that resonates with me in a way other versions of this song don’t.

Runaway Run - Chicago, IL 10-13-2013 // I’m so bummed that I didn’t have the chance to experience this one in person, but thanks to some amazing fans, it’s available to listen to on YouTube. This is the best version of this song, in my opinion. It’s got all the beauty of the Underneath Acoustic Live version, but somehow it’s better? I’m a sucker for songs that showcase Tay’s piano playing and this is an amazing example of why.

Gimme Some Lovin’/Shake A Tail Feather - Live From Albertane // Hanson are the kings of good opening songs, and this is a top tier example. The way they manage to amp up the crowd, the adlibs, and the way they manage to make the two songs work so well together, get me every time. Also, I challenge any fan to listen and not say the “It is great to be here in Seattle” bit along with Taylor.

Rock ‘n’ Roll Razorblade - The Best Of Hanson: Live & Electric // I’m still bummed this song never made it onto one of their main studio albums but this version makes up for a lot. The piano breakdown is something I didn’t know I needed until I heard it, and Taylor whining his way through the adlibs gives me a very specific brand of life.

Something Going Round - Anthem: Live In New York // Okay I love every single live version of this song I’ve ever heard but this is a standout. Not only are the boys completely on point (Zac’s drumming makes me so hyped up I want to take on world hunger by myself), the audience gives 110% when it’s their turn to sing. I blast this song in the car and hope people hear it and wonder “Who is this band that has such a cool fanbase?”

Thinking Of You - 5 Of 5 // This song has stood the test of time, and this version just shows how their voices dropping was the exact opposite of the problem critics were predicting way back when. This one shows that you don’t need to change a song to make it just as good 13 years after release.

Me Myself And I - String Theory // This song was amazing to begin with (if you don’t believe me, @changecanbebittersweet has talked about it already), but this version is even better. First of all, the fact that they re-recorded the vocals so it’s split between all three brothers, adds depth I wasn’t expecting. Additionally, the song’s pacing is better. While I loved it originally, having the same vocalist sing so many verses made it feel longer; this version just *feels* like a perfect length. Secondly, this song feels like it was written to have the orchestra and somehow it was released as a demo by mistake on Shout It Out. The strings are just so flawlessly integrated it makes you wonder why you didn’t realize it needed strings in the first place.

On The Rocks - The Walk Acoustic Live // I had a discussion once about this song, and without my prompting, the other person made the comment of this being the superior version. I had been nagging people about that opinion for a long time prior to that conversation and I’m still thrilled someone else gets the perfection of this track. There’s just something about how Zac sings “We’re gonna fight” that gives me chills every single time I hear it.

Use Me Up - Stand Up, Stand Up EP // I’ve had so many conversations about why I only listen to this version and they all boil down to two things: 1) the simplicity makes the song and 2) there’s one tiny little lyric change that ended up happening in the Shout It Out version that changed how the song hits and I refuse to give up this version.

Dirrty - Underneath Acoustic 2003 Tour // I don’t have anything to say about this except that it’s fucking hot and I would pay so much money to hear a full version of it.

Thinking ‘bout Somethin’ - ABC Greatest Hits // This one is perfect ‘cause Echosmith brought something to the table that I didn’t even realize was needed until I heard it. Also the video is adorable, Sydney of Echosmith just seems so happy to be playing with Hanson and I love it.

Hold On I’m Coming - National Post Music // While I’m sad that Zac wasn’t able to sing as much for this performance, the other boys doing his parts ended up sounding amazing. Also, I’m a sucker for the little interaction between Zac and Tay when Tay hits that high note.

Summertime Blues - Japan // This is amazing but I think I’d rather use this space to talk about how funny I find it that they sang this (very American, omg the lyrics are about the struggle of American teenagers) song for something recorded in Japan????? Why, Hanson?????

Lost Without You - Anthem: Live In New York // This song puts me in a very indescribable mindset, and I think part of what I love about this version is that the ending pulls me back to reality in the best way possible. The “I could be the one that you’re holding on to” outro just makes this version for me.

Where’s The Love - String Theory // Holy harmonies, Batman. As @tragic---love said, this song got the best glow up of all the songs from this album. I also think this falls into the same category as Thinking Of You for “songs that have stood the test of time”; this version takes a song that’s still amazing, and somehow makes it BETTER.

Waiting For This - Stand Up, Stand Up EP // I’m not sure why I prefer this version to the Shout It Out version, but I do. Maybe it’s the energy? I think this one feels more positive than the studio version? I’m not sure but I listen to this one almost exclusively. I also say the “You can’t deny it until you try it” bit every time I hear any version of it, you can pry those lyrics from my cold, dead hands.

Cecilia - Albany, NY 10-16-2009 // Even with almost the entire tour being sick with the flu, this performance was amazing. I had the good fortune of being at this show (the linked video is my footage), and I still listen to this one a lot. I’m realizing as I read this back to edit it, I’m Team Hanson Singing Older Folk Songs.

Teach Your Children - Underneath Acoustic Live // There’s something about the harmonies in the second verse that gives me chills every single time I hear this song. There’s also the added personal bit where this is the song that turned my mother into a fan.

Underneath - Underneath Acoustic // WHY DID THEY DITCH THE HARMONICA ON THE STUDIO VERSION?????????????? I literally can’t stand the studio version, but this version is one of my favorite Hanson songs of all time. I also need to draw attention to how amazing they sound when they sing “something missing”, it’s like I’m in the horrible relationship, they sing it with so much emotion.

Rip It Up - Underneath Acoustic Live // I need more Ike singing old school rock ‘n’ roll more often, this song is a blessing and I’m grateful for it on the daily.

Breaktown - Leaked Demo // I have talked about this before, but I’ll forever be bitter that this wasn’t released with Underneath, Taylor’s voice was absolutely perfect for it at that point and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to this one over the years.

Madeline - Middle Of Nowhere Acoustic // There’s a place in my heart reserved only for the ending “woah”s of this song, and getting to hear them in the stripped down, more mature, version made me so happy. This song was so well written to begin with, and they make it even better when they play it acoustically, and this performance is the best example of that fact.

Save Me - Anthem: Live In New York // I love the piano driven sound of this track, and this performance just emphasized that part of it. I also love the “yeah” that Tay adds after the second “yes I’m wrong” for some reason, catch me singing it passionately alone in my room at 3 am.

Crazy Beautiful - Underneath Acoustic Live // #BringBackThisVersionOfCrazyBeautifulNextTour

Good Lovin’ - Jack Frost Soundtrack // I have heard other bands cover this song and every time it pales in comparison to this performance. It’s short but it never feels short? And I end up in such a good mood after listening to it.

Magic Carpet Ride - At The Fillmore // I remember coming across more recent performances of them doing this song and I’m forever disappointed ‘cause this recording just had something about it that they haven’t recaptured on recent tours. If you watch the video, there’s a girl in a white tank top, going balls-to-the-wall throughout the whole song, and I just relate so much.

With You In Your Dreams - 5 Of 5 // When Taylor talked about how they pictured this song with a choir, I was skeptical at first but holy crap the audience vocals just make it that much better. I also get chills when Zac yells “Like you mean it!” every damn time.

#hanson #isaac hanson #taylor hanson #zac hanson

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t-urbulence · 4 years

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Best Artists of 2019

Hello and welcome to me forgetting how I do these things.

So as you may have noticed I got into kpop last year and then I continued getting into kpop this year. This year I got to know a lot of other artists in kpop and mostly spent my time listening to one specific artist (you will never guess whom) so this list is... just that ok. Also this category used to be called best newbies and only included artists I got to know in a specific year then I changed it to include any artist I listened to a lot but with a few exceptions all the music I listened to this year were new discoveries for me so...

Idk why I always overexplain these, huh.

Honourable mentions go to Monsta X, Nu’est, Chungha, Sunmi, Stray Kids, Bolbbalgan4, The Boyz, and returning artists Mamamoo ♥♥

7 - NCT (the whole of it but mostly 127)

As a baby kpoppie NCT always seemed so intimidating to me with its many many members but the few songs I liked from them upon first listen eventually lured me into getting to know them. Now I’m no expert but to me NCT is a little frustrating because I feel like the label could do so much more with them (and by more I don’t mean to make certain members work even more). I have to admit I often don’t feel like a proper fan because I don’t follow them very closely but to me their music is always the best part of the package and I care very little for their vlogs and... whatever else they’re doing, honestly.

But as a group I feel like they really could do anything as they’ve already explored so many styles and concepts there really isn’t anything that doesn’t sound like them. My personal favourites are Superhuman, Touch, and Boss but this year NCT Dream made a really good comeback I was 100% on board with with Boom, and Wayv’s debut Take Off was also 👌👌👌👌👌👌

6 - Oneus

I didn’t know a whole lot about anything when these guys debuted and I didn’t even know Valkyrie was their debut song for a long time. It was nice and I didn’t really keep them in mind any longer until they were on Weekly Idol with the other group I’ll talk about in a bit and then I mean, I just had to adopt them, I think we all did at that point. It was also around the time they had their first comeback and it was 👌👌👌👌👌👌 but they still only lived in my tiny brain as a group I’ll eventually get into. And then they released 가자 and I did!

They have two amazing rappers and a fairly versatile vocal line and a style that allows for both dynamic bangers and less radio friendly albeit still addictive tunes that defines their sound even further. I don’t know a lot about how they well-promoted they are, I know they have a shitton of schedules so I hope RWB calms the fuck down eventually and paces themselves because these boys are really promising.

I guess checking their title tracks, Valkyrie, Twilight, and *cringe* Lit should have to suffice but also Bingbing and Blue Sky.

5 - Tomorrow x Together

I never said I didn’t like them so stop staring at me.

Obviously their debut was exciting and interesting and I was really looking forward to seeing what they would be like. It wasn’t 100% my cuppa though Crown was an amazing song, I was still happy for them and excited to see how they would evolve overtime. I kinda fell off the bandwagon around May and June cause they weren’t really putting out content based around music and I’m not super interested in variety shows and reality shows unless I’m really invested in the members, but their first comeback was also 👌👌👌👌👌👌👌 The songs are really poppy and catchy and cover a variety of themes I think most people interested in getting emotional value out of music can relate to and Yeonjun and Soobin are just, simply put, my boys.

If I could have one comment on what I’d like to see change in the future it’d be the endless masking and layering of the vocals. I can just about tell their voices apart in certain songs but then they pump ‘em full of effects in other songs and I’m jus like whomstdve the fuck am I listening to?

Check out Crown and Run Away, their two title tracks so far and also my personal favourite, Magic Island and maybe Can't We Just Leave the Monster Alive? too and this one as well whatever.

4 - Taemin / Shinee

I’ll put these two together because yOU CAN’T SEPARATE THEM OKAY I mean it is true that Taemin’s solo material is vastly, vastly different from Shinee’s music but uh this is how I decided.

Shinee is very fun, very diverse, they have the most heart-wrenching songs and then the most upbeat melodies that kickstart the serotonin-production in my brain just like that. I mean they are just vocal powerhouses and they’re using it, but in the same time they have like, these low(er)-energy bops that are just so pleasant to listen to.

Shinee’s weird cause I have a Shinee playlist where I put all the songs I liked from them and I think I don’t know the title of a good half of them but I don’t think I’ve ever pressed the skip button while playing that playlist.

And then Taemin is just very different on his own. Vocally he’s way more strong than Shinee’s music would have you believe, and though he has a sexy concept going on most of the time he’s also not way over the top with it which is... weird to say because he’s very theatrical sometimes. But especially if you compare his most recent material to his solo debut stuff he just looks and sounds way more relaxed in what he’s doing (it’s almost as though he’s matured a little over the years. but only a little). Things you love to see: that.

From Shinee: Symptoms, Countless, The Reason, Drive, Don’t Let Me Go, 1 of 1 From Taemin: Stone Heart, Want, Move, Under My Skin

3 - Day6

I want you to picture this: me, crying.

I had heard about Day6 from one of my two kpop mutuals on twitter lmao but I always heard Days Gone By mentioned as the best song ever and when I checked it out I didn’t think it to be very special at the time. It was only because I thought Time of Our Life was ok and cute and Shoot Me was very catchy that I made a playlist with all their songs on it and listened to it one time when I had to walk a mile to the train station at five in the morning. And then I heard 121U and Headache and that was it.

I don’t think I say anything outlandish if I say Day6 could be from any other part of the world if you take a look at their sound. They’re very easy-listening pop rock, they’re the kind of melodic rock music I loved when I was in high school. So what makes them special?

That I love them, that’s what >[ I don’t think they have anything more than any other group in their genre but I think they just have everything to steal my friKKEN HEART. First of all I don’t know what kind of demon deal JYP made to get a hold of four vocalists like this, I mean they’re all different but instantly recognisable and their range is just ????????? I think Jae is considered the weakest vocalist (outside of Dowoon but I mean he’s drums) and even the notes that boy belts out are blowing my mind. He has a very natural, almost untrained-sounding tone, Sungjin’s very raspy and emotional, Young K’s voice is very open and full (I think he actually has the biggest range? I could be wrong), and Wonpil has that boyish, charming, kinda slippery but still stable voice that first grabs your attention.

And of course a lot of the writing credit goes to the group’s very own Young K which makes me feel a lot closer to them when I’m listening to their songs. So good job, guys, on everything.

Truly, though, getting to know Day6 has just been so special this year and it just goes to show how even mainstream pop music in korea can be so diverse and anyone could find something they like at any corner.

Holy fuckbucket, what should I even recommend? I guess listen to Shoot Me, 121U, Headache, then also my first favourite song, Somehow, my current favourite song Beautiful Feeling and my current second favourite song I Need Somebody and also their most recent comeback Sweet Chaos and my recent new discoveries Lean On Me, Goodbye Winter, I Would and but also just check out my Spotify playlist for them I literally love every single song on there. Fuck, Like That Sun, Letting Go, Sing Me, Rescue Me, 365247 i’M DYING HERE, SUNGJIN

BITCH, LIKE A FLOWING WIND

2 - Seventeen

hOkkkaAyy

For the longest time, well, for about five months I guess, I thought these guys would be first place on this list forever. They were the ones who broke the big BTS spell I was under for the second half of 2018 and I really just, fell facefirst into the diamond life. Getting Closer didn’t quite get me in the first round and even Home was a bit like, okay, cute, best of luck for them. Then something happened and both Getting Closer and Home just hit me like a fucking truck even though they’re on two opposite sides of the scale. You know. The song scale. The famous one? That one.

I made a tweet once that I still agree with, that loving Seventeen really is just cutting your own heart up into thirteen even-sized bits and every single bit is filled with so, so much love.

Like many/some(?) of the groups I love, Seventeen is self-composed and for that I am so grateful because their label Pledis is a shithole so thank fuck to Mr. Lee Jihoon for carrying the industry on his back.

The group consists of three units, all of which have their distinct strengths (except for the performance unit, those theatre nerds just had to be good at everything, didn’t they) and Seventeen makes time to explore all of those units, sometimes even making other subunits from different boy configurations (or boyfigurations for short) and somehow it manages to feel balanced and patient and not rushed.

And I especially love how admittedly they started to stop caring about what the public expects from them and they’re exploring concepts that excites them personally. They caught a lot of flak for releasing songs like Hit and Fear after the astounding success Home had back in January and a lot of fans and non-fans alike quoted the groups unwillingness to keep doing what has been proven to work as the reason of their diminishing sales and public interest.

And even though I personally enjoy their brighter concepts also, I just, I can respect that attitude, you know? At the end of the day Seventeen has an obvious and visible love for their own craft and there’s nothing more enjoyable than that.

Now I’m really in trouble as to what to recommend, they have so many different types of songs x”) Okay, Our Dawn is Hotter Than Day, Clap, Adore U, Home, Getting Closer. Also Hit. And like, a billion of their b-sides, just check my spotify playlist for them ok.

1 - Ateez

*feeling of fear*

Do I even have to go into why I love Ateez? Every time I think about them and just how big a part they played in my life this year I get this overwhelming urge to express just why and just how much I love them.

This year I really just... lost the ability to be happy about things that used to give so much happiness. It’s been a sad and scary downward spiral that I just don’t have enough strength to stop so I guess it’s no wonder that I’d latch onto the first thing that becomes an everyday positive presence in my life. Ateez and the memories connected to them this year have been the reason for the few and far between moments of happiness in my life in 2019 and for that I’ll forever be grateful.

It’s like. When it hits, it just hits, you know?

And I just can’t, can’t wait to scream my little heart out to their songs in March with Linn okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

I guess if I could just have one wish it’d be for them to play Twilight, and Treasure, Illusion, Say My Name, Utopia, Hala Hala, Win, Mist, Wave, my whole Spotify playlist.

#best of 2019 #tia's best of 2019

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piedpiperenthusiast · 5 years

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Review of the Love Yourself Series

Disclaimer: These are my personal opinions and you’re allowed to disagree with them. I base my opinions off of my own personal taste and my experience with all of BTS’ discography. I don’t claim to be an expert in music, but I do love music and BTS is the first group whose music I really truly grew to love in a long time. A lot of these were my opinions before I saw them live on tour, and my feelings towards some of the songs have definitely changed, so I made a second part with my review of the concert set list.

I understand that a group’s sound can change over time and I encourage and appreciate growth and experimentation from artists, and there are particular songs in the LY Series that I think BTS did extremely well considering it was their first time trying some of these genres.

LY: Her

Her has a really solid set for a mini-album. MIC Drop Remix was the first BTS song I ever heard and it was completely different from anything I’d ever heard and enough to draw my interest.

I know some people gripe about DNA, and while I will admit it’s more “pop” than I’d expect from BTS, it’s still a really, really good pop song. Same thing for Best of Me, they took a beat that was pretty common in my opinion and made an awesome song.

Dimple is actually one of my favorites from Her, it was the first BTS song (aside from MIC Drop) to get stuck in my head, and I was glad to see it have a place on Answer. I always enjoy vocal-line songs, and this is no exception.

I personally think Pied Piper is a masterpiece and it’s one of my all-time favorite songs (hence the blog title). I love when BTS does more experimental, funky sounds, and I think Pied Piper was done so, so well. There’s also a lot of subtext in this song, and when you consider the elements used in the song coupled with the lyrics, I think it brings across the meaning of the song really well. It’s a bit of a sinister song (“I’m taking over”) disguised by how upbeat it is, and of course, the choreo (body rolls, anyone?).

Sea is the only hidden track in the series and it’s a hidden gem. Sound aside (and it’s a beautiful song), I think the lyrics are very important and we should pay attention to it’s meaning. Sea is an example of what I think BTS does best – a song with deep, melancholy lyrics that is still really nice in sound and catchy.

BTS’ hype songs are always fun and I really like Go Go, even the choreo is one of my favorites, and it is another example of a type of song that BTS consistently does really well.

Finally, Outro: Her. It’s very different from what we’ve heard from rap-line before, but their experimentation paid off and it’s a really good song. It’s a huge contrast from the Cyphers, but it’s still just as good in quality even if it’s not as hype. I’m particularly fond of the beat and I really like how it has a 90s hip-hop feel.

(I’m saving Serendipity for Answer btw so I can talk about the full length version.)

LY: Tear

Singularity I felt was a great intro for Tear and is just a really awesome song for Taehyung. It’s actually my favorite of his performances thus far and he was really able to show off his strengths as a vocalist. I really like the contrast between the sexy sound of the song and the sad lyrics. The MV is prob my favorite of all the “intros,” the production and aesthetics were so good, and Tae did so well with the acting and choreography.

FAKE LOVE is actually really good. I overplayed it a bit when Tear came out (streaming will do that to a person) but after a while I grew to love it, and I think it’s a really great song, perfect for a title track. It’s different from anything they’ve done before, and the sound is very unique. I particularly like the lyrics a lot (and believe that it’s a not-so subtle message to fans). I’m a huge fan of Jimin’s performance in this song in particular, and my only complaint is that I would have liked to hear a bit more desperation from Jungkook and Tae in their vocals during the chorus (hehe).

The Truth Untold… The first BTS song that has ever made me cry, and on the first listen too. Jin is always really good at conveying emotion in his singing and it was when he came in that the first tear fell. I was also really impressed with Jungkook’s performance as well. Jimin and Tae also did really well, it’s an all-around solid song and one of the best on Tear. The lyrics are seriously so sad and beautiful, but you don’t even need to know what they are saying to get the feeling of the song.

134340. I cannot put into words how much I love this song, it actually competes with Pied Piper for my favorite BTS song. It’s sooo different but sooo good. Everyone did amazing, I love the rap verses and the vocals. Just a really amazing song, it doesn’t sound like typical BTS, but again, that’s not a problem since the song is just that amazing. It’s probably the most experimental song in the series and it paid off so well, and this is example of a strength for BTS, that they are able to try out different genres and still pull it off near flawlessly. This is also an example of the quality of music I expect from BTS.

Paradise is the silent killer of Tear and of the series in general. On first listen it’s okay, but the more time you spend with it, the more you appreciate it. I think the rap verses and Jimin really make the song (my ears are Jimin-biased, what can I say?). Definitely one of the most underrated song on Tear.

Love Maze is good, another song that Jimin really stands out in. I actually like Love Maze more than Airplane Pt. 2 and would have preferred to see this in the promotions for Tear instead. Which brings me to…

Airplane Pt. 2. I like that they wanted to build off of J-Hope’s Airplane, a song that I really, really like, but I think it fell short of the original. At first it’s really catchy and they still did a good job with it, going for a more latin feel, but it became kinda old really quick for me and I still prefer original Airplane over it. It is a song that I thought had potential for Western GP, but it wasn’t really promoted over here…

Magic Shop is a nice song, very Jungkook, and that made me want to love it more than I actually do. It’s still nice to listen to but the production isn’t my favorite. Compared to Love is Not Over, the last song JK did production on, I feel like I’m left wanting with Magic Shop. I do love the lines “You show me the best of me, so you’ll show you the best of you” and it’s very cute as a fan song.

Anpanman is another great hype song, loved it almost immediately and it’s super catchy. When I played it for non-BTS fans it was the song they liked the best, and again, it’s something BTS does really well.

So What kind of feels like the obligatory EDM song on the album lol. I see its appeal more for the concerts than as a contribution to the album, it kinda sticks out too much. I’m very fond of the bridge and the end though, and Jimin’s vocals make the song for me.

And finally Outro: Tear. It’s probably the best song on Tear the album, maybe even the series as a whole. Rap line did phenomenal. The intro sampling the highlight reel contrasts the rest of the song in the best way. Each member’s verses are just really, really good. Yoongi tried something different with the vocals and he did it really well, and the other two had really solid delivery. Another song I couldn’t wait to see live.

LY: Answer

I had somewhat unfavorable opinions on Answer. I didn’t want Answer to be a repackage; I would have preferred another mini-album, but I was pleasantly surprised by the way the songs were set up on disc A and how there are clear divisions between each part of the series. I didn’t expect so much vocal line and rap line division, but it all still works really well.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I actually like when each member gets to do solo stuff, it’s such a better way to gauge their individual talents and skills, and you can appreciate them all the more, so I was really happy to see that rap line got to do solos even if I didn’t expect it. And the collection of vocal line “intros” is also really good.

Euphoria took me some getting used to, I actually didn’t listen to any of the “bootleg” versions made after the Wonder video came out, but I was happy to find that I liked the official version a lot, particularly the bridge. Jungkook did really well with this song, and I think it had everything that Begin lacked.

Trivia: Just Dance is immediately catchy and soooo Hobi, it’s really, really good and he did a great job. He really captured his love of dance in the song and I’m happy he got to do a song like this.

Serendipity… I can go on and on about Serendipity. When I started introducing myself to BTS I started with Her and moved backwards with the discography, and I thought the intro version was so beautiful (albeit a little too short). It was the first BTS song I truly loved, and at that point in time I didn’t realize it was only sung by Jimin, nor did I know any of the members’ names. It’s a song that reminds me of what falling in love with BTS felt like, but aside from my personal attachment to it, Serendipity is just a really pretty song. Jimin is perfect for it, his soft and sweet voice really complements the message, and I felt like he really captured the feeling of what it’s like to be in love, to be happy in love. I was really hoping they would release a full version of Serendipity and I was thrilled when it was announced on the track list, and the added bridge is so beautiful. It’s a huge contrast to Lie, but I like it almost as much as I love Lie, because what really sells me is the emotion Jimin puts into his singing.

Trivia: Love is different from what I expected from Namjoon but it’s done so well and it’s also really catchy. The lyrics are genius of course, as I expected from him. I’m very pleased with this song and couldn’t wait to sing along to it at the concert.

Trivia: Seesaw gets my vote for best song on Answer. Again, it’s something very different from what I expected from Yoongi, but the production quality is so, so good. We get to hear his vocals and the song is refreshing. It’s kind of chill, but you still get this sense of regret and acceptance. It’s almost like an “answer” to Tear. He got the emotions so right, this song is just beautiful, and he continued with the surprises by including a choreo in the performance, so hats off to you, Yoongi.

I was really, really, really excited for Epiphany. I’m a huge fan of Jin’s vocals, to me he is the best at conveying emotion through his singing and I live for his song covers and Awake, so I was really looking forward to his solo, and I was not at all disappointed. Epiphany is a perfect song for Jin, and I was so pleased to hear that he had a hand in its creation. Like The Truth Untold, you don’t need to understand the lyrics to get the feeling of the song.

I can’t rank any of the solos in terms of favorites, because each solo is so essentially the member that performed it, it would be like ranking the members and I refuse to do that, but I do think that the Trivias stand out the most in terms of production quality.

In general, I think BTS’ rap-line is very special and they have real gems with each of the three rappers. I know rap line is already involved in all their music, but I’d actually like to see more involvement in the future. Yoongi once mentioned how he would like to do a whole album with just the seven of them, and I do believe they could make a really, really good album. I was impressed with all of the rap line solos but I can’t say that I was surprised, as I’ve come to expect high quality music from them, and they did not disappoint at all.

As for the group songs, IDOL is actually my favorite of the Answer group songs. I know the boys said it was something different for them, but all I heard was BTS. It’s like their hype songs and is like essential BTS, it played upon their strengths and I was happy to see more rap line parts in a title track. If I had to compare FAKE LOVE and IDOL, I’d say that FL is more vocal-heavy and is a great song for the vocalists to shine, but IDOL was a bit more equal (save for Jin’s parts…). It’s probably one of my favorite title tracks, it’s my favorite MV second to Blood Sweat & Tears, I love the energy and the camp, and the lyrics are so clever. IDOL has everything that I love about BTS and I love that they respectfully borrowed from other cultures and still made the song their own. I also think it had Western GP appeal, but alas...

I will admit though, I was disappointed with the other group songs on Answer. It’s not that the songs were bad, they are catchy enough and are nice to listen to, but I wasn’t really impressed, not the way I was when I first started listening to all of BTS’ pre-Tear discography.

I’m Fine... For a song that (I assume) was supposed to serve as counterpart to Save Me, I was pretty disappointed. Save Me is one of my favorite songs by BTS, I really like the contrast between the upbeat tempo and the melancholy lyrics, and I don’t mind the EDM elements when it’s mixed with the boys’ voices. The vocals and the rap verses stand out a lot to me in Save Me, but not so much in I’m Fine. I do like the pre-chorus and the bridge, Jimin’s parts are my favorite parts of the song (surprise!), but I would have liked more from rap line. Namjoon did mention they struggled to write for this song and I can see why. I do appreciate that the lyrics mirror Save Me’s lyrics, but I personally think they could have done better. I will say that opinion could be skewed since I was betting so much on it being like Save Me, and after listening to it on repeat I do like it, it’s pretty, the choreo is interesting, but it’s not my favorite.

Answer: Love Myself sounds like an end credits song (lol), but I don’t mind that so much because it’s the song that ends the series. But it does seem a little anticlimactic for the final song of the series. The way the series had been going, with Her and Tear ending each album respectively, I knew that Answer was going to be the last song and that it would have all the boys, but I would have liked it to match Her and Tear a bit more, and it seems out of place with the other two. That being said, I do like the lyrics. “You show me I have reasons I should love myself” almost made me cry when I heard the song for the first time, and I think it’s a really great song to end their concerts with. I would have liked something a little more iconic, something more like Spring Day, and it’s missing BTS’ edge, what sets them apart from others, but it still does the job.

All in all, the Love Yourself series was quite an accomplishment for BTS, not just with the music they created but also with the sales and awards they won for it. The theme of “love yourself” is a very beautiful and important message, and their exploration of the concept through the series was very enjoyable. Her was a fabulous introduction to BTS’ discography for me (and I’m sure many other people) and Tear and the new songs from Answer were good enough to keep me sold on BTS. I am truly excited to see what the future holds for them music-wise, and I have a lot of faith that whatever they do will be brilliant.

[I’ll link to the second part, my review of the concert, here and at the beginning of the post.]

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tonguetiedmag · 6 years

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interview: Milkk

After making their way through a blizzard to play a house show with a last minute venue change, indie 3-piece Milkk sat down to chat with me about upcoming music, celebrity crushes, and the time lead vocalist Pat Kiloran was convinced to dye his hair yellow after a show. From the non-stop teasing between the trio to their effortless ability to finish each other’s sentences, the men of Milkk clearly share a light-hearted and special bond that only adds to their likeability.

Let’s kick things off with some fun. If you could have any celebrity star in your next music video, who would you choose?

Kiloran: “I love Ellie Goulding, she’s my secret crush. But.. on the other spectrum, I have my man crush on Jake Gyllenhaal, naturally. So let’s bring Jake in...and I don’t know what he’s doing in the video, but just looking great, being Jake. “

I love that! Strawberry milk, chocolate milk, or white milk?

John Ogelby(Percussion): “Chocolate.”

Kiloran: “Chocolate’s like a treat, I guess on a day to day [basis] I’m more almond milk. In my coffee I like to put oat milk or coconut milk.”

Jack Vondrachek (Guitar): “Strawberry.”

Kiloran: “Why?!”

Ogelby: “Comes out of nowhere, I love it! Right when you think you know him...”

What’s your favorite place to eat, on the road specifically? A roadside restaurant, if you will.

Ogelby: “Consistent, Chick-Fil-A.”

Kiloran: “Chick-Fil-A and Chipotle, probably.”And on Sundays its Chipotle, right?

Ogelby: “On Sundays we break into Chick-Fil-A. I love.. I think it’s called ‘Pok Pok’ in Portland?”

What kind of food?

Ogelby: “It’s like vietnamese fusion, but they have these wings that are just.. I don’t know what the secret is, but its amazing. The spices and seasoning, it’s like nothing I’ve ever had -- I don’t even like wings, but I love these.”

Kiloran: “There’s this tamale place in Indianapolis that I’ve been several times that I love.. There’s this deli in New York called ‘Katz deli’ that’s famous, but it lives up to the hype. It’s like twenty dollars for a sandwich, but it’s so worth it. There’s a place in Ft.Worth, Texas called ‘Joe T. Garcia’s’, it's this big patio mexican place and there’s like two things on the menu. You can just pay and they bring it to you, and it’s just a good vibe.”

Ogelby: “I feel like there’s a lot of places we’ve all hit up separately, but because this is only our second tour, we’re figuring it out. We’re pretty much on the same page though as far as food goes..”

Kiloran: “I don’t think anyone’s too picky. Obviously sometimes if we’re driving quick we have to get fast food, but we try to keep it relatively healthy-ish.”

2018’s almost over-- what have been your favorite album releases this year?

Kiloran: “I liked Lany’s new album, its good.”

Vondrachek: “I liked new Kanye. It was weird but, I liked that.”

Kiloran: “I love the Fickle Friends album. I know they’re a little smaller but it’s super good.”

What have you guys been listening to on drives lately?

Kiloran: “Senses Fail, Underoath, all the old crap that we grew up on. Hawthorne Heights, Silverstein, Chapel. We listened to One Direction today. We did a couple, mostly off of “Four”. We did ‘Steal My Girl’, ‘Where Do Broken Hearts Go’, ‘Stockholm Syndrome’, we did ‘Drag Me Down’.”

If you could set up your ideal tour, what bands would you want to tour with?

Kiloran: “That's a hard question because I think there are a few different ways to answer that. I think there’s ‘What would the DREAM tour be?’, and I think at the end of the day for me, the dream tour is, getting to the point where we’re the headliner and just doing headline tours. Obviously, I think a lot of people want that. But, if we were opening for someone, on the dream tour level... the last several years I got into bands in the more indie pop world -- some of the staples, like The 1975 or Lany, I just genuinely like those bands. Even though they’re so popular, I like them. Those are some I would enjoy as far as that, but then there’s the other level of next year, just on a realistic rise, ‘Who would we tour with?’ ...It would be really cool to do some co-headliner smaller support stuff with.. we’ve been talking to Chapel a lot and I’m hoping we can work something out with them, because I know we’re both interested in that. It’s kind of a hard question -- I think as long as..it’s artists that are similar in vibe to what we’re doing, and that make sense as a tour, and that are just doing something that’s cool...I think that’s what matters as far as touring with someone. We’re just kinda trying to do our own thing, and so if someone else is doing their own thing and it’s cool, and it fits together, then I feel like its a good tour.”

Ogelby: “It’s always awesome, too, when personalities just work out, ‘cause it just sucks touring with people that you don’t get along with.”

Kiloran: “We’re doing some on the west coast coming up, but we’ve done a handful of dates this year with that band The Stolen, its co-headline stuff, and they’re really nice guys. Musically they’re a little more rock than us, but it’s similar enough that it works and the hangs are good. So really, those are the things you look for.”

I know you guys haven’t toured much, but have you had anything particularly odd or funny happen to you while traveling?

Kiloran: “We did a show in upstate New York.. out in the mountains, and me and Jack ended up staying up til like 2am, and that’s when the yellow hair happened. Someone dyed my hair yellow and we just hung out by a fire pit and chilled. It was super cold, I was half asleep and had zero brain cells left -- it wasn’t odd or weird, it was just a non-traditional tour experience, because I feel like house shows, in general, are not as common in our genre. We just got to hang out with the people who came there to see us which was really fun and cool, and then it ended up..dying my hair outside and getting sprayed with a hose trying to wash it off, and getting bleach all over my pants and shoes...it was just a funny experience.”

Ogelby: “I thought of something. We played in Philly at this arts center, and it was a good point in the tour where we were hanging out with The Stolen a lot and it was good, it was friends. So we’re loading in and setting up, and the sound guy introduces himself..he’s pretty nice, but all of a sudden --

Kiloran: “--you could tell he was a little bit of an anarchist punk type.”

Ogelby: “--and I’m like ‘I don’t care, that’s awesome!’, but then he starts playing this music....I listen to a lot of music, but this was creepy, gutter-like--”

Kiloran:”--it was just like... weird groaning.”

Ogelby: “And it’s LOUD. It’s not ‘Oh, I’ll just play this in the background’. We were setting up and there were people there to help with merch and take photos, and other people outside of our band, and we’re looking at each other like, ‘How do we ask him if we can somehow play our own stuff?’ We literally had to do it right before doors opened because we were afraid people were going to get freaked out and leave.”

Kiloran:”It was in a mausoleum, so it was even weirder. That was pretty bizarre.”

On to more music related things, the phrase “welcome to my headrush” has been pretty prominent on your socials, and it flashed at the end of the “Thinkin’ Bout U” music video. Can you tell me more about the significance of that, or what it means?

Kiloran: “I guess all I can say for now is that you’ll ..see. Because it’s all part of the plan, it’s just a piece of the puzzle...We’re working on leading up to our first album so everything’s kind of coming to a head with that stuff.”

Should people be expecting another EP next or a full-length album?

Kiloran: “Full length.”

Very exciting!

Kiloran: “They can probably be expecting a couple songs from that album first.”

Do we know when we might be expecting new music?

Kiloran: “Some very soon, and some soon enough. The album won’t be till next year, that’s all I can say.”

Right --I’d be impressed if it was this year, considering it’s almost over.

Kiloran: “Plus music dies after Thanksgiving. No one in the industry answers their phones, it’s just done.”

Vondrachek: “Unless we do a holiday record..”

Kiloran: “Yeah, let’s do a Christmas album!”

Ogelby: “Cookies and Milkk.”

What would you say is different about playing house shows? (vs clubs)

Kiloran: ”I enjoy it, it’s a totally different thing. It’s not really the way you would necessarily expect to hear our music. I think what’s cool about it is it allows the songs to be played in their raw form because a lot of our songs have a lot of production, and stuff going on. I don’t think we’ll do much more of that [house shows], it’s just for this first year to get us from point A to point B. The thing I do like about it is that it does allow us the opportunity to connect with people on a little more laid back level -- there’s no venue, no other bands playing, no security, it’s just really laid back. We’ve had some that are small like this one where there are 10 people, and we’ve had somewhere 30 people show up to it, and it’s just fun in that way; it allows a more personal connection. If it’s just us, it’s most often people who came specifically because they like our songs. When you go play a club.. on a tour with someone else, some people are there for you, some people are there for them, and you never know what’s going to happen — if they’re going to dig what you’re doing or not --, but doing a show where it’s just a couple dozen people and they’re there for you, then we know they’re gonna be stoked on it, and it gets you into it, and then you can spend time with them after and hang out. It’s a good connecting point on both ends, I think.”

What’s it been like playing new markets?

Kiloran: ”It’s always nerve-wracking because you literally never know. We had played Chicago before and we did one of these house shows there, and we saw people come back, so that’s always cool. Sometimes you go in thinking, ‘This is gonna suck, I don’t know who’s gonna show up’. Then there’s a full room and you’re like ‘Oh, sweet!’. Other times you literally have no idea, and there are 10 people.. and you’re like, ‘Cool!’-- It’s just part of it. It’s definitely a little scary, but it seems like there’s been at least a handful of people everywhere, so as long as there’s that it’s like, ‘Ok cool. We’re here.’”

You guys aren’t all from the same place--what’s it been like for you guys’ creative-process wise, being separate but together?

Ogelby: “The internet. Lots of emails back and forth.”

Has it created any difficult obstacles for you?

Kiloran: “Jack and I are producers by trade, so we do what we need to do and send the files back and forth.”

Vondrachek: “It is definitely ideal to be together, though”.

How do you guys all know each other?

Kiloran: “Me and Jack grew up together..we’ve known each other since junior high in Minnesota. Then I moved around a bunch and met John just playing gigs in Nashville the past couple years. When I asked Jack to start this project with me, it was just going to be a duo thing-- but then John and I were on a gig together one time, back when I was doing solo stuff before Milkk ....and it just kind of organically fell together.”

What do you want fans to know about your music?

Kiloran:“I would say I’m probably the principle writer, especially as far as lyrics go...It started as a fun project, just writing songs that sounded cool, and as we’ve went it’s gotten more personal, and the stuff on the album is definitely very much more just straight from my own perspective.”

Ogelby:”Except for the one you wrote about the girl I dated but named it after—“

Kiloran:”-after a different girl?” *laughter* “Yeah okay, so there’s some mutual perspective, that’s fair. I think at the end of the day, as long as someone can connect with it and relate with it and it gives them some sort of feeling, I don’t really care what feeling that is, cause I think that’s the point. I think good music or art just evokes something. So when people are like ‘I HATE this band’, or ‘I hate that band!’, I’m like, ‘Well, sounds like they’re doing something right, they made you feel something.’ When people have told us that we suck, I’m like, ‘Cool1 It evoked something that stirred up a reaction in you.’ It’s better than hearing ‘Yeah, it’s fine.’ I love hearing ‘You suck’, or ‘You’re awesome’.

How has future music evolved from previous releases? What can people look forward to?

Kiloran: “I think it’s getting more and more unique; more personality, more personal. I think it’s steering away from the typical indie pop and some stuff is veering a little more pop. A lot of the stuff that’s coming together, I haven’t heard stuff like it that’s out there right now. I’m not saying it’s drastically crazy or different -- it’s not this weird avant garde thing --, it’s still pop music, but I think there is some sort of unique quality to it. It’s very song focused; song writing. We’ve been trying to write really good songs, and then take the production around that to fit the song.”

Where have you pulled inspiration from for unreleased music?

Kiloran: “Sonically and sound wise, we’re just trying to do what we like and not worrying necessarily about ‘this person’s doing this’, or ‘this person’s doing that’..It’s more of a.. ‘this sounds good to me. ’ ..I’d say the whole point of this album from a lyrical perspective is to open up the mind of an artist to a listener, in the sense that I feel like a lot of times bands or artists sometimes put up a persona, or have a wall there. What I wanted to do is..have this concept of peeling away those layers of the social media, and the photography, and the production and just let it be. ‘This is what it’s like to be a fellow human person who’s doing this weird career., the emotions that go along with that because of it, and also from other life things.’ It’s supposed to open up a little more of the humanity of the ‘glorified artist’ mentality, because I think ‘celebrityism ’ is so common and I think that’s really dangerous. ..What I’m trying to do is connect with people -- like ‘Hey, I know you like what I’m doing, but that doesn’t have to be blown up’. I hope a bunch of people like it, and I hope we can sell out a bunch of stuff, I wanna do all that , but I just like the aspect of that personal connection, and letting people see inside.”

And to close with Tongue Tied’s signature question, How would you describe your music to someone who’s never heard music before?

Ogelby: “It’s like you’re tapping your foot, but you’re wondering why you’re crying. A sad bop.”

Check out Milkk online:

https://wearemilkk.com

https://twitter.com/wearemilkk?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

https://soundcloud.com/wearemilkk

https://www.facebook.com/wearemilkk/

Article by: Liz Holland

#music #live music #milkk #concert #interview #milk interview #music interview #liz holland

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theseventhhex · 6 years

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Illuminati Hotties Interview

Sarah Tudzin

Despite the pluralized nom de guerre, Illuminati Hotties is the creative outlet of Sarah Tudzin - a producer, engineer, and burrito aficionado hailing from the sprawl of Los Angeles. Armed with bright white shortveralls and a rotating line-up of Sarah’s bffs, Iilluminati Hotties has been lighting up stages across SoCal since Fall 2016 with playfully interweaving guitar lines, relentless rhythmic momentum, and strikingly self-aware vocals. Lauded as local “tenderpunk pioneers,” Illuminati Hotties has perfected the blend of sweetness and ferocity, of celebration and despondency, on their fantastic debut album, ‘Kiss Yr Frenemies’. At first listen, Illuminati Hotties is a sun-drenched, irreverent volley with the onset of adulthood, but as the listener dives deeper, they will find an earnest consideration of musical phrasing and deliberately crafted wordplay regarding the complexity of love, loss, and skateboarding… We talk to the delightful Sarah Tudzin about vocal takes, vegan pizza and Cardi B…

TSH: How would you sum-up your approach for new music with Illuminati Hotties?

Sarah: The creative process with Illuminati Hotties is very much like a job where you have to show up every day and be available. I’ll write songs even though I feel they suck at times - it’s important to always keep at it. Also, being observational about the world and the people that I know helps with my songwriting too. I feel like I’m always aware of what’s happening around me and writing it down.

TSH: Did you feel at all compelled to delve into current events not related to your personal viewpoints with ‘Kiss Yr Frenemies’?

Sarah: I guess there’s not so much current events covered on this album. I think you have to be pretty brave to write about that stuff. Sometimes when I’ve tried to write about bigger picture kind of things it gets a little contrived sounding. I definitely have a lot of thoughts about serious world issues but this record is a lot more personal and more detail oriented.

TSH: Throughout this excellent record you touch on being a young adult as well as financial struggles - you’re very much pulling from real scenarios and what you know...

Sarah: Totally. In one sense it’s the easiest subject matter to write about because it’s what you know, but there are songs that are sort of written from another person’s perspectives on this album too. But yeah, this record is consisting of stuff I’m familiar with and nothing on the album is sort of from a wildly different mindset at all.

TSH: This record involved you having to really take on so many creative roles too...

Sarah: Yeah, this whole record is really a product of myself. I wrote all of the parts and did a lot of studio legwork as well as producing. Other than some guitar parts, most of the bass and some background vocals, I played everything. It was really more of a product of the studio than the band in a room figuring things out.

TSH: Was it quite a challenge to form the track ‘Patience’?

Sarah: Oh my, that was one of the hardest songs to make. Writing the song actually felt natural but making the music for it was really challenging. I was working on this track until the very end and it just wasn’t feeling good for a long time. I remember just banging my head against the speakers for a long time and looking at my computer blankly, but I was eventually able to pull it together in a way that made sense at the last minute.

TSH: Was ‘Declutter’ the natural choice as the album closer?

Sarah: I think so. That’s one of the older songs on the album which I recorded live with Mike who plays piano. We played in the same room and it just seemed to make sense as the closer. It just sort of bookended the album in this sort of melancholic way and it felt like a different lens to look back on all the previous songs.

TSH: When it came to tracking your final vocals was there much tweaking done?

Sarah: I definitely did a lot of production on my vocals except for ‘Declutter’ being an exception. I could have done it for days and days, Colin my producer was hitting record for me whilst I was doing the vocals and he was good at telling me when I should stop, otherwise I would be chopping vocals takes for weeks on end. There is definitely a natural and fun aspect to my vocal performance and I’m not a trained vocalist by any means, it’s definitely just a form of delivery for me.

TSH: What are the main incentives that you bear in mind when Illuminati Hotties perform live?

Sarah: There are a lot of challenges that I personally come into contact with when I’m performing live just because I come more from a more studio background kind of place. For me, it’s been a sort of revelation that I could even perform my songs live because I much preferred for the longest time to be in the background. My main concern when we perform live is the band feeling good and us having fun and hoping that the audience feels really comfortable too. I actually do this thing where I close my eyes and imagine a single spotlight and that I’m totally alone onstage, which weirdly enough helps me to feel concentrated and it helps the softer moments of my performance too.

TSH: Are non-musical factors often seeping into your songwriting?

Sarah: Oh yeah, definitely. Most of what consumes my music is other things that I’m into and things that I observe with my friends or my family. Reading is definitely a big influence for me and I’m sure some movie references make their way into my work too. I guess everybody does the Netflix thing a lot as well. I’m not ashamed to admit that I really do like watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, they are my guilty pleasures, ha!

TSH: You’re also a big animal lover judging by your tour diaries...

Sarah: I love animals! They are so sweet and sometimes I feel we are undeserving of their sort of love. We happen to see a lot of great animals that are a welcome break from reality when we are touring.

TSH: Pizza is also a must for you?

Sarah: Hell yeah! I love pizza! You know, I’ve actually been allergic to dairy my whole life so I am on the hunt for the best for best vegan pizza everywhere I go.

TSH: On the road, the band has also been unwinding via drone flying activities...

Sarah: Oh, that was so cool. Nathaniel our guitar player got a drone when he moved to Los Angeles, he purchased it on a whim just to get himself outside to explore new places and he brought it with him on tour. Anyhow, whenever we saw a real cool stop-off and we had time, we would pull out the drone and let it rip. It’s really cool because we’ve ended up seeing stuff that we wouldn’t have seen just from the highway.

TSH: Since illuminati is in the band name, I have to ask your views on any recent conspiracy theories that you may have come across...

Sarah: Ah, that’s a good question! I think that there is always this weird undercurrent with the most famous people at the highest echelons of fame and how they are secret illuminati members. You often hear that all these huge music stars are so high up because of their allegiance to the illuminati. However, I don’t know if any of that is true. Nonetheless, it kind of sounds cool and it could be interesting to be a part of it.

TSH: Also, as far you’re concerned the worst part of the new Cardi B album is when any of the men are singing or rapping...

Sarah: Yeah! The new Cardi B record is shockingly amazing. I don’t mean to sound like a hater, but I just wasn’t expecting to be as blown away after all the hype. But yeah, I just feel that she gives up two minutes of songs to others dudes and they can’t deliver like she does.

TSH: What are your main ambitions for the band as you look ahead?

Sarah: I just want to keep writing and get back to the output process of things and see what comes out next. I feel a lot relief having finally completed this album since it’s been on my hard drive for so long! There’s a lot of touring to look forward to in the near future and I just hope that listeners can connect with the record. My next step is to try to figure out how to get the next album rolling and I can feel that it’s sort of simmering in me. I’m look forward to embracing the whole album making process once more.

Illuminati Hotties - “(You're Better) Than Ever ”

Kiss Yr Frenemies

#Interview #illuminati hotties #sarah Tudzin

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theplaguezine · 5 years

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IRON SAVIOR

Interview Piet Sielck by Daniel Hinds

(conducted May 1999)

Piet Sielck may not be a household name quite yet, but he has been involved in the metal scene since the late 70s. Joining Kai Hansen in an early version of Helloween, he dropped out of the music scene for a while, recently resurfacing with the stunning Iron Savior not long ago. Quickly following up that success with the equally impressive Unification album, Iron Savior are quickly establishing themselves as one of the world's leaders of top-notch melodic speed metal.

Taking a break from his work on the next album, Piet was kind enough to answer a few questions for me...

Could you give me a run-down on what you did between the time you worked with Kai before Helloween and when you put together Iron Savior? Since 1987 I worked as a sound engineer and producer. I worked with bands like Blind Guardian, Grave Digger, Saxon, Uriah Heep, Domain, lots of not so well known acts and of course Gamma Ray.

What was the genesis of the name Iron Savior in the first place? In our teenager days we had a song with that title. I always liked the name, so 15 years later I made a new song being inspired by those old times of my life. Since it was the first song I really finished up for the IS#1 album and I wanted people to understand instantly what this band is about I choose the name Iron Savior.

What has inspired the sci-fi themes of the two Iron Savior albums? All the Star Wars movies, all the Star Trek movies and TV shows and a probably in the US unknown German sci-fi story called Perry Rhodan. It appears weekly and gives you 64 pages. The series is on since the early sixties and by now they must have reached their two thousands edition.

The story-line on both Iron Savior albums is pretty elaborate. Have you done any or thought about doing any serious fiction writing (short stories or a novel maybe?) The whole story started as a novel I wanted to write. When I was working with Blind Guardian in Denmark on their Imaginations...album I usually worked at night with quite decent spare time in the afternoons. To fill this time I started writing this IS story, but I never finished more then 50 pages…But this was or still is the basis of all what is happening on the two albums storywise.

Who are some of your favorite authors? Frank Herbert's Dune is simply the best!

The production on Unification is excellent. Could you tell me a bit about how the whole recording process went? Somehow we never had any major problems. All of the material was recorded and mixed on Pro Tools, a Mac based harddisc recording platform. I just love this system. Except for the drums and the bass guitar (which were recorded in a different studio) all the stuff was put down in my little place. We choose a different recording situation for the drums and the bass because we needed a studio with a big and nice sounding recording room. But after that no super big recording facilities are needed anymore so we moved back to my place. This is the real cool side about this computer systems. Wherever you put them up you can do state of the art recordings then load everything in your car and go some place else. But also performing the song as a band who has been on tour together made the production really tight and punchy. I gave the musicians a lot of freedom how to perform their instrument for the simple reason that it is THEIR and not my instrument. This was a great way to work.

What is the typical creative process behind an Iron Savior song? Usually everything starts with a guitar riff. This decides about the general attitude of the song. Weather it's gonna be aggressive or more melodic. After that I try to think of a good chorus, because this is the most important part of a song. After that I come up with verse and a bridge. If the song is still working and I am getting gooseskin it can stay. If not…do it again, Sam.

Do you ever come up with material that you like but doesn't quite fit the Iron Savior sound? Yes and no. Somehow if I like something I was always able to make it fit to IS. I really hate to be restricted in that matter. If I like it, it stays. It then will automatically become IS like.

I like the fact that Iron Savior's music is very melodic yet retains plenty of speed and heaviness, too. Is it important to you to have that balance? Yes, indeed. I hate to be to linear. In my music I always want to create a good balance of everything I like. Even with ten "killer songs" it would get quite boring if they were all in the same speed for my taste. I definitely try to avoid this.

Glad to see the cover of "Neon Knights" - so many people overlook the Dio-era of Sabbath and it is my favorite. What inspired you to cover that particular track? I have to admit, that I never was a big Sabbath fan. I always had problems with Ozzy's voice. But when I heard that Dio joined the band I went to the record shop and bought the album right away. When I later on at home listened to the first track, I knew instantly, that I' just bought myself a killer album. Together with "Heaven and Hell" "Neon Knights" always was my favorite track of the Sabbath/Dio era.

How did you come up with the idea for the band competition to have a track included on Unification? At first we just had the idea to work with local bands to open the show, then we thought about turning it into a band-battle and give this price of releasing one track on our next CD. The general idea behind it was, to give young and unsigned bands a chance to promote themselves in a way, which usually would not be possible for them. In our early days we would have loved a thing like this…

How did your last tour go? Very well, even though Kai couldn't come with us. We got lots of positive reactions and the people really liked our show. I was very surprised about the fact, that people accepted IS without Kai just as well as with Kai. But for our next tour in August or September Kai will be with us again since he then has finished up all his G-Ray work.

What kind of a set-list do you play live? A good mixture of the first and the second album. Atlantis Falling, Iron Savior, Brave new World, Riding on Fire, Watcher in the Sky, For the World, Coming Home, Brothers, Starborn, Eye to Eye, Mind over Matter, Deadly Sleep, Prisoner of the Void, The Battle, Unchained and some surprise tracks…

In almost every photo I've seen of Iron Savior, the band is smiling and seems to be enjoying themselves - not the usual overly serious or pissed-off metal look. Is that intentional or just coincidence? Well, that's just the way we are. Music is fun and we enjoy ourselves very much when we perform music, so it's quite natural to see us most of the time with a big grin in our faces. We do take our performance very serious but the fun factor for IS is very important. Posing and looking mean is also OK but we just prefer a natural presentation since we don't have to act.

Since you seem to be skilled at a number of instruments, I am curious which one is your favorite to play? Why? Guitar and Vocals. I always saw myself as a guitarist and vocalist. I just learned to do some keyboards because it's quite useful for the composing process. As a guitarist I am able to play a bass guitar, but a real bass player still is a different thing. He really has a different attitude in playing HIS instrument. So I am quite happy, that I not longer have to do it by myself.

How did you first hook up with Blind Guardian? When I was working on the first G-ray CD Kai told me about a studio guy who wanted to move his studio to Hamburg, my home town. So I visited him and we agreed that I will assist him with his upcoming production. The guy was Kalle Trapp and the production was BG Tales from the Twilightworld. So I recorded all of the guitars for this thing, all the keyboards and also did all the backing choirs (together with Rolf Köhler and Hacky Hackmann). During the production we really started liking each other and somehow I became the guitar/keyboard/choir man for BG.

Is the climate for metal in Germany better these days than in the past or not? Do you guys get much radio or video airplay? The climate is a lot better than it used to be three years ago, but still HM is a very specific music with a very specific market. It is quite popular but not in terms like Phil Collins or Michael Jackson. Also the radio situation in Germany is quite different from the US. Somehow ALL stations broadcast the same, boring mainstream stuff. Top 40 and that's it. They're all afraid to loose their listeners and the advertising money when the play non-mainstream stuff. That also goes for TV . There's only ONE show, that plays HM stuff. So we are still hoping that the maker of all these programs will understand, that HM has come back to the peoples mind…

What are some of your interests/hobbies outside of music? Surfing, frensh billiards, books, movies, traveling, having a private live with my family and meet friends.

www.iron-savior.com

#Iron Savior #interview #may1999

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starryrein143 · 7 years

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Fall In Love With Music

[NaLu Oneshot]

By: StarryRein143

Description:

In a cafe, listening to music when a random hot pink haired stranger sat with you. Not really unusual. That was until you realized that the guy infront of you is actually a famous vocalist of a very well-known band. Modern AU.. One Shot. NaLu..

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StarryRein143 is back! Witwit!! As i always say, forgive me for all grammatical errors and mispelled words. I'm a Filipino which only means that English isn't my main language. I don't own Fairy Tail! Hiro Mashima does!!

…

Lucy's POV

"Hmm, they're actually good." I mumbled, humming the tone of the song i was currently listening to. It was a busy Sunday morning. Being a 17 year old senior student, i have time to spare since it's a weekend. Not wanting to spend it completely alone, drowning in self-pity, i decided to go out of my apartment to at least get a cup of coffee. Sitting at my favorite spot in the crowded Heaven's Sweet Cafe with my laptop up front, earphones plugged and a song by the famous band, Fairy Tail, playing is how i like to spend this Sunday morning.

I'm not really a music type of person. Although, i can sing quite well (according to my friends). I inherited my voice from mama, who died 7 years ago along with my love for music. It's just too painful, remembering the memories from which she was teaching me to the times we were singing together while playing the piano or guitar. If you were to ask me, i'm more of the creative or artistic type now. Drawing and writing is my stuffs lately. If you're wondering why i'm listening to music even though i claimed to be a non-music person, it's Levy's fault. She's my bestfriend since 7th grade. We have many common interests; love for books, sweets, romance and etc. We just hit off after a few days of hanging out. She's currently stalking the group just because her boyfriend is part of it. Some guy named Gajeel who also happens to be Fairy Tail's drummer. I met him twice and to be honest, i was shocked. Beyond shocked even. To think my sweet and nerdy bestfriend is dating a big, moody and pierced badboy. I wanted to bring her to a psychologist just to make sure she's alright and mentally stable but the blue haired girl just laughed at me! I kind of felt bad after meeting him the second time. He's a good guy. I can tell he really cares for my bestfriend. After confessing my doubts to Levy, she made me promise to listen to their songs! She knew i don't listen to music much but she still forced me! What kind of bestfriend does that?!

"Umm, miss?" My head snapped up hearing a voice call out to me. At least i thought it was me. Standing infront of me, with a cup of coffee in hand, is a hot and good looking pink haired guy. He's kind of weird, though. Wearing a black hoodie over his pink locks and sunglasses. He seems to be my age. If not, a year older.

"Uhh? W-What was that?" Blushing in embarrassment, i removed my left earphone and asked him to repeat what he said. I was so engrossed on my thoughts earlier that i failed to notice that this guy approached me and tried to catch my attention.

"I was asking you if i could sit with you? The other tables are already taken so i was hoping if i could just share with you?" He gestured to the rest of the cafe. Looking around, i found him telling the truth. I didn't even realized that the place was packed. Well, it is sunday..

"Oh.. umm, s-sure?" I agreed, slightly hesitant and uncertain. He may be cute but he's still a stranger. He may be a pervert or kidnapper for all i know.

"Thanks. Uhh, did i bothered you?" He pointed at my laptop that was still sitting on the table as if gesturing to it. Thanks to his actions, i remembered the other reason i'm here. To connect to the cafe's public wifi so i could finish up my papers that was due this friday. Great..

"N-No, you didn't. I was just surfing the net." I reasoned out, not wanting to share my forgotten homework.

"Is that so? Hey, what song are you listening to?" looking up from my laptop screen, i arched an eyebrow at his random question. What song?

"Huh?" He chuckled and pointed to his ear. By his actions, i realized that he was talking about my earphones. I was still wearing the right ear piece.

"Oh, i don't really know. My bestfriend suggested it to me." I didn't know how to react when he leaned forward, halfway through the table. My eyes widened when he took the other half of my earphones and plugged it on his left ear. What?!

"Hmm. This is our—i mean Fairy Tail's newest song, A Dragon's Love (A/N: i made it up!)." Narrowing my eyes at him, i tried to not show that i noticed his slip. Just who is this guy?

"Is that so. You know them?"

"Quite well. Are you a fan of Fairy Tail?"

"No, not really. They're really good, though." Was it just me or did i saw his shoulders slumped? Was he disappointed?

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow at his tone of voice. It was low and somewhat sad.

"Don't mind me. I'm not really into music so knowing a band is actually a good thing. Complimenting them means i appreciate their talent." I explained. A grin slowly grazed his lips as he leaned forward even more. I wanted to move back but his left hand was on my nape, holding me in place. At first, i thought he was going to kiss me but he didn't. Instead, he tilted his head to whisper in my left ear.

"Can you keep a secret?" His voice was husky, sending shivers down my spine. I swear, i can hear him smirk when he saw how i reacted.

"I g-guess?" I stuttered, flushing red in embarrassment. The guy chuckled and leaned back, allowing me to breathe.

"Truth is, I'm Natsu. Natsu Dragneel." He removed his shades, revealing the most mesmerizing pair of onxy eyes. He held out a hand which i was debating on accepting. Natsu Dragneel? That name sounds really familiar. But where have i heard of it? Wait..

"Natsu? As in Natsu of Fai-" i didn't have the chance to finish my sentence since he covered my mouth.

"Shhh. It's a secret, remember?" Once he retrieved his hand, i flashed him a guilty smile. I almost revealed his identity in public. Curse my loud mouth!

"S-Sorry.."

"It's alright. And your name is? Or do you want me to call you weirdo?" He smirked, bringing his cup of coffee near his lips to drink. My eyes twitched at that. Me? A weirdo? Says the guys who's wearing a hoodie and shades.

"Lucy. I'm Lucy Heartfilia." He almost choked hearing my last name.

"Heartfilia? You're Layla's daughter?" He hissed, coughing almost violently. I rolled my eyes at the pitiful sight, handing him a box of tissue that was present in the table we were sitting at.

"Yeah. You know my mom?" I asked awkwardly. I don't really want to talk about her. Especially in public. I still haven't gotten over her death yet.

"She's a music legend, right? A famous singer and pianist."

"It's a 'was' and 'once'. She died 7 years ago." Looking away, i corrected him. I knew Mama was famous, not just here in Japan but all over Asia.

"Oh, ummm. Sorry."

"It's alright." There was an awkward silence for almost a minute. That's what normally happens when you hit a sensitive topic.

"So, you know how to play a keyboard?" I raised my head to look at him. We was staring expectantly on me.

"My mom taught me before. Why?" I almost regretted my answer when a large grin spread on his lips. Just what is this guy planning?

"Great! You see, Erza, our band's keyboardist, is getting married in 4 months. She wanted someone to replace her." I gulped, knowing full well where this is heading.

"And?"

"And i was hoping if you want to take her place?" I knew it. A look of horror was evident on my facial expression but he still kept on smiling.

"W-What?"

"Luce, i want you to join my band." My eyes widened at his declaration and straight forward request. Did he just?

"But i haven't played for 7 years! I stopped loving music after my mom died." He chuckled, taking something out of his hoodie's pocket and placing them on the table. It was two tickets and a piece of paper with a cellphone number?

"I have here two VIP tickets with exclusive backstage passes. Also, here's my number. Text or call me when you decided to come." I looked at him questioningly.

"I told you. I don't like music anymore."

"I know. That's why i'm giving you these, weirdo."

"But-"

"I'm gonna make you fall in love with it again." My heart skipped a beat hearing his words.

"W-What?"

"I'm gonna make you fall in love with Music again, Luce. Mark my words." My first reaction was shock but it slowly softened. I'm honestly touched.

"God, you're persistent." I giggled, taking the tickets and piece of paper. His face instantly lightened at my actions.

"You can take a friend with you. I know you won't go alone that's why i gave you two." Rolling my eyes, i snorted. He's right. I wouldn't have come if i was going alone.

"I have a person in mind. When is this concert anyways?"

"Next Saturday. Text me what time you're going. And i mean it. I don't care if it's 11 pm or 3 am. I'll text back or answer your call. Got that, woman?" Mastering a giggle, i nodded.

"Yes, sir. Whatever you say." He leaned back on his seat and grinned at me. Wow, he's cute when he does that—urgh. Stop those thoughts, Lucy!

"I better go. I'll see you on Saturday?"

"Yeah. See you."

…

On the day of the concert, me and Levy were seated on the second row near the stage. I swear. I turned deaf since Levy kept on squealing beside me. When i invited her to come to the concert with me, she literally squeezed the air out of me. She was beyond excited. Ecstatic when she learned about Natsu's proposal.

Listening to Fairy Tail was great. They're really good. After the concert, me and Levy used our backstage passes and met up with Natsu. He led us to their lounge and met the whole gang. Gajeel Redfox, drummer. Erza Scarlet, keyboardist. Gray Fullbuster, bassist. Their manager was Makarov Dreyar. I also met the other crews back stage. Mira and Lisanna Strauss were the make-up artists, their brother Elfman, along with Jet, and Droy were the bodyguards. Laki, Evergreen, Juvia and Cana were incharge of the music. Freed and Bixclow on lights. Laxus on managing. Their were others but i forgot their names.

Chatting and laughing with Fairy Tail was fun. Watching them perform made me want to learn. After telling Natsu, he immediately spread the news to his friends and had Erza teach me. After 2 months, i was finally introduced in public. As the newest addition to Fairy Tail Family.. i felt warm and at home. At last. A family i can call my own..

…

A year had passed since my fateful encounter with a hot pink haired guy in Heaven's Sweet. He changed my life. Now, exactly 365 days after, me and Natsu decided to reminisce. I'm currently sitting on the same table, with a laptop up front and earphones plugged. Only this time, the other ear piece was on Natsu's. We listened to music and laughed all day long.

He kept his promise. With an added bonus. He didn't just made me fall in love with music, he even made me fall for him..

Now it's my turn..

I'll make him fall for me as well..

…

This was posted on another website a while back. Hoped you enjoyed! 😘💪💋💗

#fairy tail #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #natsu x lucy #nalu fanfictions #nalu #fairy tail nalu #nalu otp #fairy tail family #fairy tail fanfiction #otaku #anime #otp #one shot #fairy tail dragon cry #ft anime

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djrelentless · 7 years

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“The 57th Grammy Awards...Hit Or Miss?”

February 10, 2015 at 7:33pm

The music industry is all a buzz because of last Sunday's Grammys ceremony. From performances that reminded us why we love Annie Lennox to history repeating itself withKanye West storming the stage to disagree with an outcome at the awards…..people are definitely talking. There were a few surprises. Katy Perry really impressed me with her song "By The Grace Of God" and Rihanna was in great voice for her performance of her new single "FourFiveSeconds" with Kanye and Paul McCarthy. And of course everyone was waiting with baited breath to see Madonna's performance of "Living For Love".

I was not surprised by all the trophies handed to Sam Smith. "Stay With Me" was probably the most unescapable song of 2014. It was disappointing to hear that the song has elements of Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down". But as I have said many times….there are only so many notes and keys. Without even thinking about it there are plenty of songs that are simple rewrites of other songs. A perfect example was when another Blue-Eyed Soul singer, Michael Bolton claimed he had never heard the 1966 version of "Love Is A Wonderful Thing". The court immediately awarded the Isley Brothers 5.4 million dollars (the largest plagiarism case settlement in music history). Sam Smith a been crowned the new face of Soul Music. I'm not sure about that in my opinion. I actually believe Boy George did it better in the 80s, but didn't get the same proclamation because of the dress. With all this talk of appropriation that might upset some folks, I still applaud Sam for being so young and his last acceptance speech where he thanked the guy who broke his heart. He got four Grammys for that break up.

There has been a controversy over Beyonce at the Grammys (and no I am not talking about Kanye's wish that she had gotten "Album Of The Year"). R&B singer. Ledisi had requested to sing Mahalia Jackson's "Take My Hand, Precious Lord" but was denied and Beyonce was asked to do it. Many are saying that Ledisi was robbed of her Grammy moment and are upset that Beyonce accepted the invitation. Ledisi later was quoted as saying she understood why they chose Beyonce, but was very disappointed. The classy thing for Beyonce to do would be to invite Ledisi to perform with her on stage at a big event. I watched her performance and was not impressed. It was a Beyonce performance instead of a down home girl praising the Lord (and I know Ledisi would have brought it). Between Beyonce's see-through choir robe and stiff movements to capture her back lighting, I didn't feel the song like I should have. But Beyonce has bored me in the past with other performances like when she did "Ave Maria".

And speaking of Kanye West's words after the Grammys about Beck winning over Beyonce for "Album Of The Year"……I am afraid that he like Azealia Banks keep sabotaging their image and careers by opening their mouths. Has he not learned from the Taylor Swiftincident at the MTV Awards? Does he not realize that with all the racial tensions in the US right now, that his outbursts are not helping the situation. And Miss Banks needs to be banned from twitter with all her bullshit over being angry that her career has not gone as planned. Stop blaming Iggy Azalea for your shortcomings. Think before you react and you might appear more sane and level headed. As a Club DJ who watched the charts and singles, Beyonce had that award hands down out of the other nominees. But the Grammys are their own community and judge on musical merit. Beck is one of those artists who plays multiple instruments and writes his own songs. Beyonce is an entertainer who travels the world and excites audiences with her stage show but apparently needs four people to write one song. Yes….she is an amazing performer and I would prefer watching her anyway over Beck in concert. He lost me shortly after "Loser" back in the 90s. But a good example was back in 1981 when Christopher Cross' "Sailing" won "Song Of The Year" and "Record Of The Year" for a song that came out in 1979 I couldn't understand. And being a teenager I really couldn't comprehend why this song won anything. I was loving all the Pop dance songs on the radio back then. "Sailing" seemed boring. But after becoming a recording artist myself and working as a DJ in radio, bars and clubs I have learned to listen and appreciate music differently. I actually appreciate the simplicity of "Sailing" now. In a time period when New Wave Pop was coming in and Disco was dying, Christopher Cross sounded like a breath of fresh air.

And as I watch the twittersphere rumble over with the young ones calling acts likeMadonna, ELO, AC/DC and Annie Lennox old and tired, it amazes me to think that there was a time when Madonna and AC/DC would not have even been invited to the Grammys. These are the artists who have paid their dues and paved the way for all the ones who you adore and worship for a month and then move on to the next new thing. Many of her "Little Monsters" probably fell over when Lady GaGa announced that she was recording an an album with Tony Bennett. I understood it perfectly. In the old days, the new artists had to work with the legends in order to be taken seriously. It showed that you learned from the best. That the torch was being past. And even though GaGa has been accused of stealing from the greats like Bette Midler and Grace Jones, I believe she is a really talented artist and without all the gimmicks she can sing. Her voice is unique and distinctive. That's what you need to be a legend. Interesting enough…..Madonna doesn't have that range, but her talent is being an entertainer. I don't think anyone has macked the game like she has. I don't even think that anyone could ever do what she did again. Mainly because that time period has passed. Great voices like Annie Lennox will always rattle our souls. I was looking at her on the red carpet and I thought to myself…."she's cool because she's is her age". And when she hit the stage and went into "I Put A Spell On You" the fire and passion was still there because that's who she is. She has never been any of the gimmicks or costumes she wore in the 80s. I loved it! All of these acts were amazing on the Grammys because they have earned their place there.

I think all the young ones out there would be surprised to learn that the woman who is behind "Chandelier" and the hook for Flo-Rida's "Wild One" is not in her 20s. Besides Beyonce's non-church performance Sia's performance at the Grammys really made me upset. In my opinion….probably the worst performance of the evening. When you are on the Grammys it is the opportunity to show you can sing. Sia, darling….turning your back to the audience and facing a wall of a set while two dancers pranced around like in your music video did not prove you were a great vocalist. Her range is amazing but this hiding your face behind big wigs and production just does not do it for me. At least Katy Perry's performance had a cool effect with the shadow dancers.

Question: When did Country Music start using Hip Hop lingo? Miranda Lambert's performance of "Little Red Wagon" was more of a Rock song and the lyrics included the word "swagger" several times. I actually thought I had slipped back in time and was watching some late 70s special with Tanya Tucker. Back when Tammy Wynette recorded with The KLF I said that one day we would here some Country Rap Music. But I guess we had already heard that when The Charlie Daniels Band did "The Devil Went Down To Georgia".

Pharrell's Goth-like version of "Happy" was interesting. I saw some article discussing the deeper meaning of this performance. It was cool to hear the lyrics spoken in other languages but other than that it was just okay for me. Considering the song is almost two years old and was overplayed and even parodied by Weird "Al" Yankovich, I was kinda over it and the bell-hop outfit was cute but went no where.

Stevie Wonder's quick harmonica solo at the end of Usher's performance shows the genius and artistry of his musical legend. Can't wait to see his upcoming TV special for his album "Songs In The Key Of Life". And I was happy that John Legend and Common closed the ceremony. I looked at it as a nod to the "Black Lives Matters" movement. It seems funny to me that the industry will take stands on some issues and show support for some and then quietly back out on others. I noticed that Iggy Azalea didn't win any awards. I figured she would have been the new female Elvis at the end of the show. But the Grammys backed away from the new "Great White Hope". Why? I think to send a message that the drama surrounding appropriation is something that the Grammys doesn't want any part of. And after the nastiness of the Macklemore win last year in the rap category I think the Grammys decided to not get involved. And even though Eminem won "Best Rap Album", I am sure he got it because he is considered industry. He has earned his place with more than a decade of work. Iggy…..you are a clever girl and have a distinctive voice. That's what legends are made of, but I hope you can stay out of the online crap and just concentrate on your craft. Be The Teena Marie of rap and earn your place. And as Macklemore advised….."remember your place."

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