#how happy she was to see miles even though she knew she shouldn't go see him

[princekirijo]

Watching Spiderverse again and god Gwen's whole character arc fucks me UP someone give that girl a hug PLEASE

[theinheriteddutchess]

Song Of Betrayal

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Underneath the water lurks a creature that's deceivingly dangerous. It's not much safer for you on land. Still, you never expected to die.

Word count: just over 4000

Warnings: death, murder, deceit, killing and eating humans, dark romance, miscarriage, domestic violence, manipulation, pregnancy, minors dni

Notes: here it is. My dark siren skinny!Steve story. Let me know what you think, I thrive on comments and reblogs 💕

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“What are you doing here?” you turned your head, smiling at the sight of the man walking towards you. He grinned at you, and your heart fluttered. Something wasn't right. He shouldn't be here. He didn't know where you went hiking, he told you he was going to go over to a friend. You went here to clear your head. You're favorite spot. Secluded. Things had been rough lately. You'd lost the baby. The stress had been too much for your body. He hadn't wanted it. But he still blamed you for losing it. 

Yelled at you, then ignored you for days. Refused to bring you to your check ups. You started worrying he got sick of you. You actually suspected he was playing around on you. You always watched him like a hawk. Trying to prevent a fight, trying to make him happy. So when he acted different, you knew. The way he left you alone, the way he touched you less. Of course he became meaner, but at least you got a break once in a while, when he was gone. 

And now he was here. But the look on his face was off. He was smiling, and his eyes looked pleased, but something looked wrong. Abnormal. It was like the bigger his smile became, the more inhuman he looked. 

“Came to see you, of course.”

“How did you know I was here?” your heart was beating a mile a minute. You kept telling yourself you shouldn't have to worry. This was your boyfriend. He loved you, right? He had talked about marrying you in the past. He was safe. Wasn't he?

“I followed you.” He simply said. “Need to know where my girl is at all times, remember?”

You did. 

He always wanted you to let him know if you went out. Even if it was to the grocery store. Or a walk. But you had never shared this specific place. This place was between you and your mother. The place where you scattered her ashes after she died, like she requested. 

And now he was here. And it felt wrong. 

“Thought you kept it from me? I saw you here all those times. Crying, like the weak bitch you are. Missing your mommy. Blaming me for your failures. But we both know it's you, isn't it? You're so…disappointing. A weight around my neck.”

“I-” but you didn't know what you were going to say. 

“Shh, I need you to be quiet. The last thing you can do for me.” He walked towards you, while you took a few steps. He suddenly looked taller than he was, towering over you, and you felt like you were going to have a panic attack because it seemed you couldn't breath properly. You couldn't forget the time he had grabbed your throat, and though he hadn't squeezed you couldn't forget what it felt like, knowing he could tighten it if he had wanted to. You froze. Hoping to calm him down. Running made him angry. But then, lately, what didn't? 

“It's a good thing you love this place so much. It's so…deserted.” He murmured. As his hands grabbed your arms and he pulled you towards him, his cheeks pressed against yours. “And you get to be with your mommy forever.”

And then you were falling.

Everything was cold. And dark. You were dead. You thought so for a long minute. The quiet, the peace, what else could it be?

But there was movement. And the thought slithered inside of you that you were not. You had to move. You have to move!

As you opened your eyes, you saw white at first. And then, more colors rushed forward and combined, and you could make out a light beam and shapes and shadows and you noticed you were under water. 

You were floating, no drifting, no, moving…you couldn't yet make sense of it, but your body wasn't still. Though how could you be alive? How could you breath? You swallowed water but it didn't burn, it didn't suffocate. 

There was a boy, no, a man. There was a man! Your eyes turned to slits and you flinched. But he didn't move. He was staring at you. 

He was.. Unappealing. You couldn't help thinking it. Ugly maybe, was the first word you thought. He was so odd looking. Silver or grey covered his body, webbed hands, his eyes were not normal, like cats or a reptile. The irisses so different than a human. And he had fins around his arms and back. Weird ridges on his back.

He scared you. He looked terrifying. 

He opened his mouth to speak, and the sharp shape of his teeth were making him look even more sinister. This was a danger. 

“Are you hungry?”

What? 

“You must be. I was. When I woke. I have food.” He was offering it to you with his webbed hands and it had a few fishes in it that you were apparently to take. Raw, dead fish. Their open mouths in terror, bug eyes staring at you with empty looks.

“It's fresh,” he said, like it mattered. 

Your eyes darted around. “Where am I?” Your voice, you had a voice, sounded so different under water. Was this a dream? Would you wake up?

“You're in the sea. He killed you, you drowned, you're…one of us.”

“Us?”

“Mermaids, Siren, the lot.”

“I'm going to wake up soon, aren't I?” You murmured, it sounded like a plea. 

He grinned again. Those horribly sharp teeth too near you for your liking. “No, you already did. I know it's a lot, but you won't have to be alone. Like I was. I will help you. No one did for me, but I won't let you go through that. I can explain, but you must be calm. You can't turn back, it's done.”

Turn back? You didn't understand. You tried to swim, but you're legs didn't work, it seemed to move both of them, and it was when you looked down, you noticed that your body was attached to a tail. Like someone had cut them off and attached a random long tail instead. It looked hideous. You grabbed it. Scaly. Hard. You panicked, but the lack of heart pumping in your chest only added to it. You started grabbing your tail firmly, trying to get it off,  when cold, harsh hands gripped yours and took them away, and held them tight so you couldn't hurt yourself.

“Stop! You can't hurt yourself. We don't die. Not easily, you will just harm yourself but you won't escape it. It's a curse.”

“A curse?” You cried out, confused. 

“When you die in the water, you turn into this, a siren. He murdered you, I saw it, who was he?”

You blinked, and it felt like you had to twice before your eyesight was sharp again. “My boyfriend.”

He tipped his head to the side. “He killed you, without remorse, he gave you a water’s death. You will live here forever. Dead but not dead. You will hunt and eat and you will be alone, if you choose. Unless…”

“Unless what?” You said shakily. The thought of being alone in this cold dark place frightened you. To be left all alone, with nothing, no one, seemed impossible to bear.

“Unless you come with me. I will take care of you. I will teach you. The sea is cruel, but I can help you.”

You eyed him. He was skinny, he wasn't bigger than you, he looked frail, but what choice did you have? He might not be able to physically protect you, but he knew more than you, he said he could help. What else was left for you? 

“Can I turn back?”

“Never.”

And your new life began. Steve was there. All the time. He taught you to hunt, everything that came nearby was food. You had to get used to a tail, the way your eyes had a nictitating membrane to protect your eyes, the way your teeth could easily cut through flesh and bone. 

Steve was a very serious guy. He seemed to always be in thought, and for someone small, he had a fierce personality. 

He didn't allow any of the others to be near you.

“Nasty creatures,” he hissed. “They look pretty, but they are cold. They will not hesitate to rip you to shreds.”

You feared them. At first you were taken with their beauty, their colors. Steve's were so dull, you were too. At least his scales were shiny, while yours seemed to repel any color or shine. 

“It's because you haven't completed the curse,” he'd explained. “You have purpose now.”

“What is it?”

“You were placed here to right wrongs.”

“And what does that mean?”

“You are to punish those who harm others. Like the one who put your here.”

You thought of your boyfriend, who had turned you to your death. The pleasure you’d seen in his eyes before you fell. The cold of the water as it swallowed you, how it sucked you in its current and took you. 

“You punish them?”

Steve nodded. “I do.”

“Has someone harmed you?” you asked him. 

His face tightened, the thin skin looking skeletal on his bones. “They did, and I made them pay.”

“How?”

He grinned, and it caused a shiver going through you even if the cold wasn't supposed to touch you. 

“I will tell you one day.”

You weren't sure if you wanted to know.

But until you did your purpose, you were stuck looking like this. Plainer than Steve even. 

You had watched the mermaids, in all their beauty and grace. All smiles and playfulness. Unless they ate. Blood still poured from the carcasses they killed, pieces of flesh ripped and devoured. And they hated people. Played with the ones dying. But their beauty still enthralled you. A sense of envy when you saw them, then looked at your own colors. 

But Steve, he was excluded. They whispered about him, and turned their backs. It was clear they disliked him.

But they didn't attack him. 

“They tried,” he says, puffing up. “But I'm stronger than them.”

That was strange, you hadn't expected him to. But it turned out Steve was a lot stronger than he seemed. 

He was determined and waited for the right moment, but once he made a decision he was precise and his prey never stood a chance.

Time passed different underwater. You started forgetting things about your life soon. It didn't matter. But certain things were never forgotten. A person wronged you. It needed to be righted. Steve told you, it would bring peace. The man who had murdered you needed to be punished. Were you going to let him live a happy life? No. He was right. That man was dangerous. Had wronged you. How many more lives did he hurt? 

“He deserves it,” Steve insisted, circling around you. “How can he live while you have died? Is that fair?”

“No,” you agreed. You turned with him as he kept circling. Things were easier now, swimming went without thinking, hunting became easier. The more you learned, the calmer you felt. The first time you watched Steve drown a person, you were frozen. In the back of your mind you knew this should be wrong. That you would not have liked it if you had been human. But you weren't. That was taken from you. And this new life had been given to you. A purpose. You watched him drag the man deeper into the water. Watched the fanatic look of devotion on the man's face as he kept staring at Steve until his last heartbeat, until the water took him. Like Steve was the only thing that mattered. Like Steve was the most beautiful thing in this world. And Steve was beautiful. The more time you had spent with him, the more you noticed things you hadn't before.

The blue of his eyes, so bright and clear, the pupils only accentuating the color of them. The way his grey scales sparkled like silver in the sunlight. His sharp teeth not bothering you anymore, or his webbed hands, not when it showed his strength and hunting precision. The way his hands grabbed your arms when he needed your full attention. He never hesitated to touch you. Where to stir you into the right direction, point your attention somewhere, or grooming. It was something you did often. You never thought yourself overly vain in your human life, even if those memories faded more and more, but you knew you enjoyed it now. 

Breaking the surface to sit on a rock overseeing the beauty of the ocean, bathing in the sunlight and letting Steve braid your hair, putting little things in the braids like shells or sparkly things that made you feel pretty. 

You returned the favor, his hair soft under your fingers. He always looked happy after. He enjoyed your attentions. You knew he hadn't had it for a long time. You had not seen sirens around, no matter where you went, and the mermaids were repulsed by him. And he had told you, when he was human he was teased and beaten. And one day the beatings weren't enough. That they had lured him to the cliffs and they had beaten him for the last time, threw his body off the edge and watched him disappear. 

But he had taken revenge. 

He had lured them into the water and killed them. Made sure they recognized him before he ripped them apart. He didn't even eat them. He was repulsed by the thought of consuming anything of them, he pulled them deep inside the ocean and tied up their dead bodies and watched them slowly rot and be eaten by other life. 

Until there was nothing left but their bones. Still safely tied in the deep. He had shown you. And a rage welled up in you at the sight. These men had hurt him. But this strong man, who was so very part of you, had taken revenge. Had made sure they didn't exist anymore. 

“This is your purpose.” He had told you, as he watched the rage on your face.

“To kill the men who do this.”

And you knew he was right. 

People like these men, people like your former lover, didn't deserve to live. Didn't deserve any happiness. 

And there was a power you hadn't had before. A strength no one could resist. 

Steve showed you. When he sang it was beautiful. Clear and powerful, and your dead heart almost felt alive. But it was just a song. Until he showed you how the humans reacted to it. 

As soon as they heard his song, they stopped with whatever they were doing to listen. And then he could make them do whatever he wanted. He could lure them into the water, he could make them want him so much they fought each other over it. He could deny them, so they kept where they were, staring into the water in hope of a glance at him, until they withered and died.

They went mad with desire for him.

The look on their faces as he killed them. Nothing but devotion and exhilaration to have his attention on them. Their lives meant nothing to them anymore. 

It was beautiful. 

He told you that was your power.

Mermaids were beautiful, and they could lure people in with their looks, but they often didn't dare to come closer and be captured, humans desired them, but they kept their wits.

“But Sirens,” Steve told you. “They can't be resisted. When we sing, they will do anything to be near us. You can eat them alive and they will not fight you. They want you so much, they will offer themselves and anything they have to have even a glance at you.” the glint in his eyes would be chilling, but you listened with rapt attention. 

You wondered if it was his voice or his face that lured people in. 

It was beautiful to you now. His face. Alluring, with his blue eyes and full lips, the skinniness of him giving him an otherworldly beauty.

He had told you how lonely he had been. Had. He never used present tense anymore. It made you feel fiercely for him. Emotions had changed to you, where there was warmth there was fire, where there used to be anger there was cold, everything was different. But your feelings for Steve were inexplicably devoted, you didn't imagine your life without him. 

Two sirens, alone, but together. 

You watched the mermaids have babies, they sometimes mated with humans. You watched with confused intrigue. They were so tiny and helpless, but they learned quickly. There were no siren babies. 

“Mermaids are born or turned,” Steve explained. “I don't know if we can have children.”

No one told Steve anything when he turned. He had been shunned for being a siren. For being ugly, for being powerful. They feared him and envied him for his power. 

They didn't like you either. And the more you witnessed them, the more you disliked them. Their vanity, their cruelty, their colors now looked too bright and showy. Everything was too much. They just had beauty. Not brains like Steve. Not his sturdiness and devotion. 

His touch sometimes felt like it warmed you up. His kisses cut your mouth, but you both didn't mind it. 

His hands explored every part of you. He used to paint, he told you, the one thing he wished he could still do. If he couldn't paint you on canvas, he would paint you with touch. 

You couldn't remember sex as a human anymore. There had been no one. Just Steve. Your past didn't feel like yours anymore. Only your hatred. Only your urge for revenge. 

Nothing mattered but hurting those who hurt others. Humans always hurt someone. 

You realized that as you watched Steve lure more people into the sea for you to eat.

They always turned out to be flawed, every single one of them. 

No one wanted you but Steve, and you wanted him. It wasn't even a thought anymore, just reality. You spend your life with him, forever. 

And then one day, everything fell into place. The last piece.

The sun was shining bright, you had been sitting here for a while, your hair had dried completely. Steve’s was shining in the light, his scales shimmering brightly. He was looking at you with such happiness. Your hand touched his face gently, like you couldn't stop touching him. 

“It will be so easy. You will sing, and you will know what to do.” He told you. 

He showed up. Skinny, sunken eyes, he looked like death alive. How much time had passed? You did not know. Nor cared.

The hatred flared up inside of you. 

This was the man. The man who had harmed you. The man who had taken your life. He was so ugly. He was repulsive. You watched him move, slowly, like he was in pain, and he was monstrous. He was no threat to you, however. You began to sing, just like Steve had told you. And it was easy. The notes coming out, so beautiful. 

The man shivered, looked pained. But he obeyed.

He stumbled forward, into the water. Ankles deep. Clothes getting wet the more he waded through the water. Chin almost under, and down he went. 

As soon as the last of his hair disappeared you jumped into the water. Graceful. The water was guiding you, your speed unchallenged as you caught up with him. 

You thought about Steve's humans, untouched, undevoured, tied down for eternity. But your baby had to eat. 

You bit into his neck and ignored the blood that flowed down the water as you bit into him over and over again. Every bite nurturing you, nurturing your growing child.

When you were done, you turned and Steve was right behind you. 

His eyes shining brightly, he was pleased.

“Look.” He said. 

You followed his stare. Your tail shining grey, almost silver in the sunbeams shining through the water. Like Steve. You watched your webbed hands as they glided through the water. Felt the sharp teeth, not realizing how easy it had been to rip through the man until now. How you turned once you lured him into the sea.

“You're like me,” Steve chuckled. “ With me. All together.”

He was happy, and you grinned, your pointy teeth on display. 

A family, tied together. You would never be alone, and neither would Steve be ever again. 

He watched her round with his child. Stroking her belly tenderly, humming at it. Their song didn't harm their own, only other creatures. Their child would be safe. Strong. What could harm a siren? Steve hadn't found out yet. All his life he had been weak, but not anymore.

It had been amazing to find out how fast he was, how despite his stature he was strong, and how his song would drive others crazy. 

He lived a long time alone, after he turned. Full of hatred and bitterness. All he thought about was the faces of those that hurt him. How he wanted to hurt them back. And then he could. It had turned him into this. But he didn't mind it, he was satisfied. But the loneliness was eating at him. He watched them together, a happy pod, in all their shallowness and cruelty, covered in a sheer sheet of beauty. He had never been beautiful. Not even now. But he was sick of being alone. 

And then he saw her. He was drawn to her sadness. Her pain. She first was with another woman, but then she showed up alone. Like him. She was lost. 

And he watched her look worse and weaker with every visit she made. 

He knew he couldn't touch her. If he lured her, she'd be nothing but a shell. Meat and bones. Turned insane. If he killed her she would have only death. 

But he wanted her.

Steve wasn't stupid. He was probably the smartest creature in the sea, and he could be patient. And he found out what to do when he saw that creature following her, watching her like Steve did.

So he lured him. He was so weak. It was easy. And he told Steve everything he needed to know. Begged him to stay with him. Like Steve would want to be near him any longer than he needed to. 

He told him what to do. Go home. Spy on her, tell Steve everything, make sure she knows nothing. 

And then the day came when everything changed. It went so perfectly, just like he had planned.

He watched her fall and made sure he was by her side as soon as she split the surface. When she woke up. When she was learning. He was there. The man who was with her before had his orders, he still had purpose. He didn't want to, but Steve ordered him and, anything, anything, to make Steve happy. He went home, he was to wait. It didn't matter to Steve how he would wither and suffer. He was only a means to an end.

And Steve had her. He wasn't going to let them near her. To poison her, take her. She didn't need know there was a choice.  He was going to be the only one. And she listened so well. He knew she started to care for him. Look for him. Let him take care of her. Let him touch her. When she touched him, he knew he belonged. He didn't feel lonely anymore. 

He never expected to have children, wasn't sure if he was able to. So when she started swelling, when they sensed what was going on, it felt like his heart was finally beating again. It couldn't. But it was close. She looked serene. When he led the man back and she killed him without hesitation, devoured him, giving their child the nutrition it needed, he couldn't be more proud. 

He watched her change into who she was always supposed to be. Beautiful. His.

[rosescries]

What if MC didn't survive that fall ? What would happen if she came back as a ghost ? I'm talking about the "There's still magic" fic .

Well, Lydia would be very traumatized for one thing. Seeing her best Human friend dead and all. The main group (Frisk, Undyne, and all them) would be a bit upset as well, since Mc was so nice and it seemed like Papyrus really liked her. Mc's family would be furious, and grieving. Caterine would be going the whole mile to reign unending fury onto Taylor and her boyfriend.

Though they wouldn't get to Taylor honestly, since Guns and Ace would be even more pissed about it. Since Mc was under their protection and they failed her. Taylor's being let off easy in the actual fic compared to what they'd do to her in this scenario. Mutt would be furious too, wishing he went with them to look at the apartment. He'd be in grieving and honestly, so would a lot of the other skeletons too. They'd be a bit pissed as well.

But otherwise, the skeletons would be a bit freaked by her coming back as a ghost. They're not sure why she's back, or if this is like Napstablook? They're happy to see her again though! Even like this!

Mutt is nearly crying, and he likely will start once they're alone. Apologizing to her over and over again for not being there to help her, even as she tells him it's not his fault and he couldn't have known. Though Mc will end up crying as well in the end.

Guns and Ace apologize to her as well, but she has to point out that they had no idea what apartment they were looking at. So even if they knew where Taylor was, there's no way they would have known to warn her. They still feel terrible about it though, and they don't tell her what happened to Taylor.

Sans and Stretch are in shock. She was gone so suddenly and then she's just.. here? Again? How.. Oh stars.. The first thing they'd ask is if she's okay, then call themselves stupid for it because she just died and now she's a ghost. They.. don't know what to think or feel. They're getting whiplash from the sadness of hearing about her death and then the relief of seeing her again as a ghost. They need some time to process this....

Papyrus and Blue are actually crying, so are Lilac and Charmed honestly. They just feel so bad that Mc died! It's not fair, she shouldn't have! She's so nice and kind and- and.... It's not fair. She has to spend a few minutes consoling them while they apologize to her for all this.

Black, Red, and Edge are.. upset to put it lightly. Pissed about how things turned out. If Taylor hadn't disappeared, they would be helping Caterine put her through every damn ring and hoop they could. But they are relieved to see Mc, even as she is now. They aren't going to show their anger or upset to Mc, considering she's already trying to calm quite a few of them down, even if they can see she's... still in shock about what happened. They are going to go looking for Taylor though.

G and Aster are relieved to see Mc! Stars they are.. She was gone so suddenly and... Well she's here! But there's still the question as to.. how? They'll look up some stuff on Human ghosts and then maybe do some experiments to see if she's anything like a Monster ghost. They're curious and a breath of relief for Mc seeing as she doesn't have to console them, or at least they don't show those emotions to her.

Even with Mc trying to console everyone, she's pretty traumatized herself. She just died after all. She doesn't know why she's still around, she doesn't know how long this will last or if it even will. She has no idea what's going on and everyone's so upset.. She's going to end up having a panic attack and breaking down as soon as she's alone.

[hacked-by-jake]

These butterflies, you know?

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Wake up in the middle of the night. Just a short moment.

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: JakexFem!MC

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Fluff

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: None.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 1286

𝐀/𝐧: Pinterest said: Look, you might like the picture. My head said: Wake up in the middle of the night on Jake’s chest and see that. 🤔 This came out very spontaneously. It shouldn't be that long, but that’s how it is now. I hope you will enjoy it and have fun. Sorry about any mistakes. Much love and hugs! ❤️🌹🎭

Sleepy, the young woman slowly opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was the soothing smell of the young hacker on whose chest she had peacefully fallen asleep a few hours ago.

Surely he had his arm wrapped around her to hold her close to his body and to feel every breath of hers and know her safe.

Even though it was already the middle of the night, Jake still couldn’t afford to sleep. The work and its importance took precedence over his own well-being. He had always cared about little sleep, his body was used to it after all these years, but what he cared about was her sleep. So it happened that every night he lay with her on his chest in bed to work from there on the things that were crucial to her and his safety.

At first he noticed, as highly concentrated as he was, hardly that she had awakened and now with tired but curious eyes, interested looked at the screen of the laptop and independently tried to understand what was going on there. As always, he held his cell phone in the other hand which just got his complete attention.

It wasn’t until she pulled her hand out from under her cheek, on which she had been lying, that his gaze hit immediately hers, and all his attention was exclusively on her.

Instant he felt as if fireworks were exploding in his belly and his blood was being stirred up by an army of butterflies. His heart stopped for a few seconds as a flood of boundless affection for her rolled through his body, accelerating the heartbeat as if he had just run hundreds of miles.

A tired glow gleamed in her eyes but her lips were twisted into a light and loving smile. Her hair was a little confused, her lips slightly swollen and her cheeks reddened. All in one she was, as always, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and only her sight brought him all the happiness of the world.

Still, his voice sounded a little bit surprised and hoarse when he greeted her with a slightly reserved, "Hi."

Still, his voice quickly took on a slightly worried tone, "Why did you wake up? Are you awake because of me? Did I wake you up? Was I too loud? Are the screens too bright?"

He spoke much too quickly as that her half-asleep brain was able to process so quickly what he had asked in his hectic.

Nevertheless, she knew exactly what the questions were, because she had heard them so often from his mouth that she did not even need to look to know what was going on in his head and what emotions reflected his beautiful blue eyes.

A low chuckle broke out between her lips as she straightened her upper body a little to be able to look at him better. On top of that, the longing for a sugar-sweet kiss of his lips awakened deep within her and demanded to be satisfied as soon as possible.

"Don’t worry," she muttered sweetly, but was interrupted by the urge to yawn. She quickly held her hand in front of her mouth and turned her head away before she twinkled on the young hacker a little irritated. "What I wanted to say, don’t worry. I woke up for no reason. It’s not your fault and it didn’t bother me," she assured him as she leaned closer to him to fulfill her desire for a kiss.

But just before her lips meet his, she stopped. Excitement ran through her veins, causing her heart to accelerate. Even before they finally kissed, her lips committed to tingling just by being close to him. She closed her eyes as she leaned her forehead against his and trembling through her lips exhaled.

She felt how nervous she became and how much everything in her wanted this kiss, one she had experienced so often with him. But one that kept making her feel like it was her first.

Her hand shook slightly as she laid it on his left chest and could feel his equally fast heartbeat.

Of course, the trembling did not remain hidden from him, which he took as an occasion to close his much larger hand around your little one. "These butterflies, you know?" he whispered, alluding to the moment when the two actually kissed each other for the first time.

There he had been so terribly upset that he did not dare to kiss her. But at that moment, she didn’t feel any different, which made her whisper, "These butterflies, you know?" to show him that she was as excited as he was. And that moment gave them their own expression, their very own meaning of the love they shared. For what could be more beautiful than the excited tingling that one felt when one had found the love of your life.

His words gave her the impetus she had sought to press her lips on his, and he was all too happy to meet her. Wrapped her cheek with his hand, and fell completely into the feelings. He sighed contentedly in the kiss, felt as if all the burden was falling from him as he perceived the softness of her skin and the sweet taste of her lips.

The emotions that flooded him led him to increase the pressure on her lips as he leaned his forehead against hers tightly and his nose pressed against her cheeks bones.

It wasn’t a demanding kiss, on the contrary, except for his other hand, which gently settled on her neck, they didn’t even move. It was not a hectic kiss, not a wild and particularly passionate one.

It was a necessary kiss, a necessary kiss that gave both new joy. A kiss that gave both hold, before they could lose each other. A kiss that strengthens the emotional bond and gives both new courage and strength. New will to survive and another reason why it was worth fighting. To fight against all the problems that the two had and against those who would still come to them. To fight against all the old memories and all the new ones. A kiss from the two showed how much they needed each other and that they were everything they wanted.

The lack of air was what made the two fell in love to have to separate again, even if none of them wanted to. Their faces, however, remained close to each other, her foreheads leaning against his as both came to breath again. He looked deeply into her beautiful eyes that reflected his own little dream. Her lips were even more swollen and reddened and made her look even more perfect. He couldn’t help but drive his thumb over her lower lip before stealing another short kiss.

Slightly giggling, she distanced herself from him, feeling overjoyed and at the same time completely exhausted, which her body immediately divulged with another yawn.

"You should go on sleeping!" the black-haired one whispered, his voice was too weak to speak even louder because he too was slowly overwhelmed by the need for sleep.

Without protest, she nodded to him in agreement, "You also should sleep soon," she teased him as she slid her head back onto his chest. He immediately closed his arm around her body again to pull her closer, "I promise I will sleep soon."

This time it was him who was overtaken by a yawn. She looked for a comfortable position and looked up to him again, "Tell me what you’re doing there," she asked him why he sighed, "I don’t understand how you can fall asleep from all this. It’s really not interesting for you," he noted, helping her to smile one last. "These butterflies, you know? The butterflies triggered by your voice!"

Masterlist

[tryingmybestpls]

Not A Team: Part 2- New World Order

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: The Reader gives a speech at the opening of Steve’s exhibit and has a talk with Sam following his speech.

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER, talks of death, talks of mental illness, feelings of isolation

Read Part One here

Listen to the playlist inspired by the series here

Y/N felt like coming here today was a mistake.

Her stomach tossed and turned like a stormy sea, threatening to send her breakfast all over Rhodey's shiny shoes. She was second guessing everything. Was her dress nice enough? Rhodey had told her she looked great, but she hadn't worn a dress since Steve's funeral-Oh God, what if he was lying to her? No, he wouldn't lie to her-but what if he felt bad? Jesus, dd her shoes look stupid? Maybe she shouldn't have worn heels-but then she always wore heels with dresses and if she wore flats that would look childish. Did her speech sound coherent? Fuck, what if she messes up. Would they think she was doing it on purpose out of retribution for what Steve did? No, they didn't know what Steve did, what he had done to her. What if-

"Hey, hey. What's wrong? You look like you're going to blow chunks." Rhodey cuts through her thoughts like a hot knife through butter. He puts his hand on her back, "Breathe, Y/N."

"Maybe this a bad idea, Rhodey. I mean they have Sam. I think Sam can handle this." She stumbles over her words, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was racing a hundred miles a minute and she swore her hands were shaking,

"You're going to be okay, but you need to relax. I've read and reread your speech a dozen times. It's perfect." Rhodey tries to soothe her, his hand rubbing her back. Y/N squeezes her eyes shut, working on slowing her breathing. In through her nose and out through her mouth.

"Hey pretty lady, I was wondering where the exhibit is. I'm supposed to be giving a speech there today." A voice calls out, sending Y/N's eyes flying open. She turns on her heels, being greeted by the sight of Sam walking towards them, holding the leather case that carries the shield. Y/N can feel the tension melting out of her shoulders as a smile spreads across her nervous face.

"Rhodey, I think they might be letting anyone speak here today." Y/N teases, the anxiousness slipping away, releasing its hold on her. Rhodey chuckles, shaking his head at his friend's antics. She hadn't seen Sam since the days following Steve's funeral and right now, he's a welcome sight. Sam rests his hand over his heart, feigning hurt as he gets closer.

"You wound me, woman." Sam jokes, smiling right back at her. They embrace, her arms wrapping around his neck as his go around her waist, "I missed you, kid."

"I've missed you too, Sammy." She murmurs back, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. They pull away and Sam smiles at her, the skin around his eyes wrinkling. Rhodey clears his throat, gently touching Y/N's upper arm.

"Hey I need to go talk to some people, alright?" Rhodey announces, almost as if he is asking permission. Y/N just smiles and nods, the smile staying on her face until he walks away from the two.

"How are you feeling, Y/N?" Sam questions, to which Y/N sighs, looking down at her shoes.  She stays quiet for a moment, feeling his eyes on her.

"You want the truth or you want me to tell you what I tell Rhodey?" She replies, looking back at him. Y/N shifts from one foot to another, glad they were far from the crowd that was gathering. He gives her a look, giving her an answer without opening his mouth. She sighs again, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"I don't sleep, not really. I get maybe an hour a night if I am lucky. I-The house is filled with boxes that I can't unpack because-" Her voice cracks, her chest rising and falling quickly. She bites the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to not cry, "I thought that leaving the apartment would make him go away, but it didn't."

"Well Steve was always stubborn." Sam responds, making a laugh bubble out of her throat before she could stop it. There was an "I'm sorry" buried in the joke and Y/N knew it, but decided to only focus on the joke.

-

The stage looked daunting.

She forced herself up those steps, the person who had introduced her still had his hand outstretched towards her. Y/N wondered if she could make a run for it. Sure people will be mad at her, but she won't be forcing herself through this. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, the clapping nothing but a ringing in her ears. For a moment, her eyes landed on the giant banner of her husband, a lump forming in her throat. He was watching over her, his face emotionless as his eyes seemingly followed her every step. Cameras flashed as she stood on the stage, striding over to the podium. Once she stood in front of it, a hush fell over the crowd.

Y/N Rogers had saved thousands of lives. She was an Avenger and had faced countless foes. Hell, her wedding had more people in attendance than this event, but she still felt sick to her stomach. Y/N gave them all a smile as she forced herself to calm down, swallowing hard before speaking.

"To say that Steve Rogers was a special man is putting lightly. He was a hero that many of us, myself included, aspired to be one day. And while many of you only knew him as Captain America, I was among the lucky few that got to know him just as Steve Rogers. Now I could stand up here and tell you about every battle he won, how valiantly he fought-but everyone else is going to do that. Hell, you can read about it in the exhibit." Y/N chuckles, blinking away the tears in her eyes as the crowd laughs.

Y/N finds Rhodey and Sam in the crowd, both of them giving her smiles of encouragement. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the diamond on her wedding ring sparkling in the light. It's the first time she's worn it in a while, but it felt almost right to wear it. Once again, she's pretending like Steve didn't leave her. No, Y/N is ignoring that completely, almost blissfully. These people only know Steve as Captain America, as a god-damned American hero. She isn't going to tarnish that, won't ruin his legacy. And regardless of what Steve did to her, she is still in love with him and she wants to talk about the man she fell in love with, not the one that hurt her. Y/N inhales and exhales shakily before continuing.

"Steve was so much more than just Captain America. He was my best friend and my husband. He was the type of man to pick up flowers for you just because. The type of man to tell you that you looked really pretty even though you were covered in dirt and ash. He would let me go on and on about things that didn't even matter, but with the way he paid attention you would think that I was telling him the secrets of the world. Steve loved staying in and having movie marathons-he-he had a list he'd carry with him to write down things he needed to learn about. Before we dated, he would text me randomly, asking me why Jar Jar Binks is hated so much or asking me to explain what emojis are. He never quite got the hang gof the latter." A laugh comes out of Y/N's mouth, the crowd following suit. There was a smile on her face, a warmth spreading in her chest.

"He's the man I'll be in love with until the day I die, but then I'll fall in love all over again because I'll be able to see him again. Steve was the sweetest, kindest man I've ever met and while I will always wish we had more time together, I was lucky to have him as long as I did. We were all lucky to have him." Y/N pauses again, her throat constricting with emotion, "Even though he's gone, Steve lived a long life-a life longer than some of us get and I am happy that so many different facets of his life is going to be explored and shared with so many people. I hope you all enjoy the exhibit. Thank you."

The applause that followed was almost thunderous. Y/N smiled as her heart slammed against her ribcage, cameras flashing as she made her way off the stage. She was glad it was finally over as she moved to stand next to Rhodey and Sam. Sam kissed her cheek before he climbed up the stairs to the stage. Rhodey rubbed her back, telling her quietly that she did great. She just nodded in response, her eyes on her friend, watching as Sam leaned the shield against the plexiglass podium.

"Thank you Y/N for making my job a lot harder." Sam teases, causing everyone to chuckle. Y/N smiles right back at him, shaking her head as her friend carries on, "Steve represented the best in all of us. Courageous, righteous, hopeful. And he mastered poising stoically. "

Sam's a natural at this, standing up there like its nothing. And while Y/N should be focused on the speech, her eyes keep drifting down to the shield at his feet.

"The world has been forever changed. A few months ago, billions of people reappeared after five years away, sending the world into turmoil. We need new heroes. Ones suited for the times we're in. Symbols...are nothing without the women and men that give them meaning. And this thing," Sam chuckles, picking up the shield, "I don't know if there's ever been a greater symbol. But it's more about the man who propped it up and he's gone. So, today we honor Steve's legacy, but also, we look to the future. So thank you, Captain America. But this belongs to you."

Y/N feels sick to her stomach as she watches Sam hand the shield off. Her chest feels tight and she-she can't be here. There's a ringing on her ears and she can't breathe. Y/N pushes through the crowd, not bothering with pleasantries as she does it. A dozen emotions rack her body, causing her hands to start to heat up. She forces it down, deep down as she walks into an empty bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Sam gave away the shield.

He gave it away.

Like it was nothing.

And she wants to scream, wants to cry, but it won't come out. Y/N won't let it, not now when she is still in public. She walks over to the sinks, her hands gripping the counter. Her eyes are rimmed with red, eyes all watery. Her red painted lips press into a thin line as she forces herself to not cry, practically glaring at her reflection. What did her therapist tell her to do? Ah yes, breath in and out. In and out.

This was all too much way too soon. She couldn't handle this. She was being bombarded with memories and emotions already and now Sam giving the shield away? She felt like she was going to lose it. A part of her felt like she was overreacting. overthinking this whole situation. And maybe she was. Y/N did that from time to time. Tony had told her she was an expert of making mountains out of molehills. Maybe Sam just didn't want to be Captain America, didn't want to shoulder that burden. That was understandable. It was a shitty, shitty job-one that Sam didn't ask for. He shouldn't be forced to take on the mantle of Captain America, not when the previous owner had tossed it away so carelessly.

Yet, the bigger part of her was incredibly upset. Angry at the fact that Sam handed off the shield to be shelved in a museum. Overwhelmed by the amount of Steve that was everywhere. Confused over the multitudes of feeling that were swarming her body.

And there was nothing she could do about any of them. She just had to grin and bear it, just like she's been doing since Steve decided he much rather spend an entire lifetime with a woman he knew for a few months. So Y/N collected herself, blinked away her tears, and left the bathroom. Her feet had a mind of their own, carrying her towards the one place she didn't want to be.

The exhibit.

Steve's image is plastered on every single surface, telling the details of every part of his life. Scrawny Steve, bootcamp Steve, darling icon of patriotism during the war Steve, frozen Steve, Battle of Manhattan Steve, cartoon Steve punching Hitler, Steve during Sokovia, Steve on the run. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. He covers every single square inch, which makes sense because this is his exhibit. And while Y/N knows she should just turn on her heel and not put herself through it, she throws caution to the wall. She's already incredibly upset, so she might as well pour gallons and gallons of salt and lemon juice into that open wound.  So she forces herself deeper into the exhibit, running straight into the very last man she wants to see at this moment.

"You know I wasn't expecting to find you here." Sam tells her as soon as her foot enters the next room. She keeps her mouth shut, so he adds "Rhodey is looking for you."

"You know on his right sleeve of his suits, right near his wrist, he had my initials stitched. He told me he wanted to carry a piece of me into every mission, into every fight." Y/N announces as she looks at a picture of Steve on a mission, most likely taken by Natasha. Sam sighs, walking over to her, wanting her to see his point of view.

"Look I know you're upset-" He starts, but is immediately cut off by a dry chuckle slipping out of Y/N's mouth as she walks around the room. She wants to lay in to him, wants to give him a piece of her mind.

"Oh I am far past the point of being "just upset", Wilson. It wasn't yours to give away. I-I don't care if you didn't want the mantle, but..." Her angry words trail off once she realizes what part of the exhibit she has reached, her face dropping.

Y/N stops in front of a part of the exhibit labeled 'Two Heroes United'. Her eyes roam over the pictures of her and Steve's wedding and the pictures taken throughout the duration of their relationship, so much more than what the file Rhodey had left detailed. So many smiles, so much happiness filling each and every picture. Her facade is cracking, chipping away as she forces herself to study every picture, studying their faces over and over, trying to see if there was something she had missed, if-if there was something she could have said or done to hold onto him a little longer. If there was something hidden behind his smile, behind his touches, they don't reveal themselves in the photographs.

She's just a footnote in his life, a blurb at the end of a long story. A tool to make him look like an all-American family man. Bucky and Sam had much larger parts of the exhibit dedicated to their roles in Steve's life and who they are outside of being Steve's friends. Y/N-well Y/N gets this, a paragraph saying that she was on the team and then married Steve. She is just haphazardly tacked onto the story of his life, a cute story to make people feel all warm inside. He got his happily ever after, they'll say-or they'll whisper to one another God she was so lucky to have him. They won't ask if she got her happily ever after or if she feels lucky now.

Sam got to hand off the shield, got to throw away the title of Captain America. He gets to keep on living his life after this, but Y/N-Y/N will always be Steve's wife. And it doesn't matter how many people she saved or what she did with her time on earth, she will only be know for being the wife of the man who abandoned her. Y/N's tied to him for eternity, stuck loving a man who decided to love someone else.

And then, just like that, something inside of her just snaps. Her facade fully crumbles, leaving her unable to mask what she's going through.  Y/N's eyes fill up with tears and she's unable to blink them away before they spill over the edge, sending tears rolling down her cheeks. And as she stood there, crying in the middle of the exhibit dedicated to Steven Grant Rogers, a depressing epiphany popped into her mind.

The shield was the last part of Steve that she had that wasn't tainted in some way, a piece of him that she could still bear to see. And Sam had just given it away, leaving her with nothing but memories that would haunt her.

-

"I watched your speech. You did really good, Y/N." Her therapist praises, giving her a soft smile. Y/N nods, twisting her wedding ring on her finger. She had decided to start wearing it again, even though her feelings about Steve were still conflicted. While a part of her thought that this meant she was healing, Y/N knew it was more likely tied to the fact that Sam had given up the shield.

"It-It felt good." Y/N replies, shifting in her seat. She had thought it was a subtle movement, but Dr. Raynor gave her a look. After a few months of court-ordered appointments, the therapist knew Y/N all too well and she sure as hell knew when Y/N wasn't telling the truth.

"Something is upsetting you. What happened?" The doctor questions, clicking her pen. Y/N dreaded the noise. It meant a longer session, more bandaids being ripped off in order to force the wounds into the light. It would mean she would return to her home a little colder, a little emptier.

"Nothing happened. It-I had a good day. A good week." Y/N tries to reassure her, even going as far as to give her what she thought was a honest smile. Dr. Raynor held up her pad of paper, making a show of slowly bring the pen down to the paper. Y/N's smile falls and she looks down at her hands, letting out a small sigh.

"He-Sam gave away the shield. He gave it away like it was nothing." The ex-hero announces, feeling like a scolded child. Raynor lowers her pen and paper, settling back into her seat.

"And you feel like he shouldn't have?"

"No. No, Steve-Steve chose him. Steve gave him the shield because he knew that Sam was good, that Sam could handle it. And-And Sam just gave it away." Y/N stammers, picking at a thread that was hanging off her shirt.

"You know, I think that is the first time you have said his name aloud." Raynor mentions, causing Y/N to stop her movements. The thread is caught between her fingers, pulled taut. The doctor continues, "You always refer to Steve as 'he' or 'him' or 'my husband'. You never say his name."

"I don't think I was ready to be around...Steve. Not that much." Y/N tries to shift the focus, shame filling her, her face feeling hot. She knows she has her reasons not to say his name, but she still felt terrible about not being able to say his name.

"But you still spoke at the opening of his exhibit. I'm sure everyone would more than understand why you couldn't. So why did you decide on speaking?" The therapist asks, taking down a couple notes of her pad of paper. Y/N stays silent for a moment, letting go of the thread to start twisting her ring again.

"I-I don't know. Rhodey asked me and I-I guess I thought I could do it. And the speech wasn't bad I just-I wasn't expecting Sam to give away the shield." Y/N responds, her voice soft. She feels so small, sitting here on this charcoal grey couch. Y/N almost felt...stupid for being so angry at Sam. It wasn't his fault at all and as Y/N said everything out loud, she felt like such an asshole.

"If you would've known that Sam wanted to give the shield away, would you have stopped him?" Dr. Raynor replies, leaning forward slightly as she takes a few notes. Y/N feels herself sinking into the couch.

"I don't know. I-I wish he would have just told me so that we could've talked about it." She answers, looking out of the window. Dark grey clouds filled the sky, blocking out a lot of the sunlight that wanted to shine down on the city. Y/N didn't know if she would have actually forced him to keep the shield. That wasn't on him to have hold on to hat chunk of vibranium. It was wrong for Steve to have thrown that all on Sam. What would be the alternative? For her to keep the shield? Y/N highly doubted that the United States government would allow that.

-

Y/N was watering her garden when her phone started to ring in her back pocket. She quickly moves to shut off the water hose before she slips the phone about her pocket. Sam's name and picture appears on her screen, making uneasiness fill her stomach. Y/N exhales through her noise loudly before answering it, holding the phone against her ears.

"Have you seen the news?" Sam asks, not even letting her get a single syllable out.

"No, I've been outside-What's going on, Sam?" Y/N questions, making her way to the house. Something was definitely wrong. Sam never called her unless it was for emergencies. if they did communicate, it was mainly through texting. Her heartbeat started to race, as did her thoughts. A million different scenarios filled her head, each one worse than the last.

"You need to turn on the news right now." Sam replies as she opens the back door, quickly crossing the kitchen and walking into the living room. Her hands are almost shaking as she picks up the remote, turning the television on. Luckily for her, the last thing she had been watching was the news. Unluckily for her, she was greeted with a man holding the shield-Steve's shield, dressed in what looked like an off-brand, shitty version of the Captain America suit.

Anger filled her body. It had been four days tops since Sam handled off the shield and already, they had found their 'new Captain America'. The man in question was smiling smugly in the ill-fitting suit, waving at the camera, holding onto his shield tightly. God, Y/N wanted to beat the shit of the man and every single person who had okayed this. She could only hear bits and pieces of the speech as the news replayed it, but even that bullshit was too much for her to handle. She muted the television, tossing the remote on the couch.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?" Y/N exclaims, her hands getting warm. The Avenger was unable to get to anything articulate as rage filled her. She quickly put the phone on speaker, setting the device down just in case her hands caught flame.

"I know. I know. It's fucking bullshit." Sam replies, sighing. Y/N paced in front of the television, trying to calm herself down before she burned a hole through her rug. On the screen, the fake Cap was talking about something, a saccharine smile spread across his face. Y/N wanted to take that God damn shield and smash his teeth in.

"That asshole has my husband's fucking shield. They-He isn't supposed to be Captain America, okay? It's just not-It's not theirs to give away." Y/N's voice cracks towards the end, tears filling her eyes. While she wasn't Steve's number one fan, she hated that they had already chose someone to take up his title. If Sam wasn't going to be Captain America, then no one should be Captain America.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I wouldn't have given away the shield if I would've known...I'm sorry." Sam murmurs over the phone. Y/N covers her face with her almost glowing hands as she tries to control her breathing, not able to respond to Sam’s apologies. Her sadness and anger quickly shifted into something else. 

Something inside of her switched on, something that she hadn't felt in a long time, not since she was a hero, back when she was an Avenger.

Y/N wanted to go to work.

------

Not A Team taglist (if you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know!)

@lady-elena-adeline​ @simonedk​ @hersilencedscreams​ @rqmanoff​

[zafirosreverie]

Go on without me (Agatha x reader)

a/n: i took this idea and some dialogues from a song in spanish named "Sigue sin mi" by Marco Antonio Solis, in case you want to listen it.

Warnings: angst.

"Forgive me"

You blinked and slowly opened your eyes, frowning at the darkness around you. Your room was never dark and you remembered perfectly well leaving the hall light on. Now that you thought about it, you went to sleep a few hours ago. Why weren't you in bed? Or better yet, where were you?

"Forgive me"

The voice sounded a little louder this time, though it was still a whisper. You turned around, following it in the dark. You knew who it was, but the pain you heard didn’t match the image you had of her.

"Aggie?" you whispered when you saw a figure in front of you.

The witch turned to look at you and you gasped, taking a step back. She was crying, and her eyes were filled with pain and remorse. This was not your Agatha, this was a broken woman.

"I'm sorry" she whispered. "Forgive my big mistake"

You tried to get closer to her, but it seemed like there was an invisible barrier between you two.

"Aggie" you said "what's going on?"

The witch just looked at you sadly as she moved her hands and various images began to appear around you. You saw everything, from the night she left, promising to return, to her arrival in a small town, the way she pretended to be Wanda's friend, how she sabotaged various things to further destabilize her, how she killed a dog, kidnapped some children and fought the Scarlet Witch. You saw how she tried to steal the chaos magic. You saw her losing.

You gasped when the scene of her punishment played out in front of you. Wanda had condemned her to the same torture that the town's residents had suffered, she had trapped her in the role she had chosen. Agnes.

"Aggs-"

"I don't have much time" she interrupted. "I managed to break one of the seals, just so I could see you, even if it's this way"

Then you got it. You were on a different plane. Your mind connected to hers, but your bodies thousands of miles apart. That is why there was a barrier between you.

"Tell me what to do" you said "W-where are you?! I'll get you out of there" you promised.

Agatha smiled sadly at you and shook her head. You felt your stomach churn as more tears fell down her cheeks.

"Forget me" she told you.

You froze.

"wh-what?" you whispered, fear spreading through your chest.

"Forget me" she repeated "you have to move on"

"What are you talking about?" you said, getting as close to the wall as you could.

"You were right. I shouldn't have come, I shouldn't have wanted more power ... I shouldn't have left you" she cried

"Don’t worry. We can fix this" you smiled at her, even though you could already feel your tears as well.

"I'm afraid there's no way to fix it" she said "I won't be coming home this time, love" her eyes were full of guilt

"No, don't say that" you begged, as tears began to spill onto your cheeks.

"Go on without me" she whispered.

"No" you said firmly "I won't leave you"

"You have to" she pleaded "Forget me. I wish the best for you, find someone who loves you as much as I do, I hope that love and luck will follow you wherever you are"

“NO” you yelled “Tell me where you are, Agatha, tell me what to do! Tell me how to help you! And stop this nonsense!” you demanded

"Go on without me" she said again.

"I can't" you said "Y-you, you promised that you would come back. You said that when you came back you would teach me magic. You said that you would make me part of your world. You promised Harkness, you fucking promised!"

"My world is not that beautiful, and you already see it, Y/N" she said, pointing to the frozen images around you "You have to run away from it before you get hurt"

"I don't care! You promised we would be together!"

You were hurt and angry. But more than anything, scared. Scared because she wasn't fighting, because she wasn't trying to break Wanda's spell, not beyond what she had already done to contact you.

"This is my fault, right?" you fell to your knees "I wasn't enough for you ..." Out of the corner of your eye you saw Agatha kneel in front of you on the other side of the barrier.

"No honey" she said she "you were more than I deserved"

"Then why do you want this?" you asked

"Because it's not your fault that everything turns out the other way around for me, Y/N" she sobbed "I know you are not happy. It is not fair that you pay for my mistakes, love"

You looked at her through your tears and wished you could hug her, kiss her. Feel her.

"I was happy Agatha" you said

"And you'll be again once you forget me" she said, but you weren't having it.

"I was happy before you left" you almost screamed "I was happy when I woke up with you, when you kissed me, when you took me by the hand, when you patiently explained your magic to me. You make me happy"

The witch just looked at you and sobbed even louder. This was too hard for her, she hated seeing you like this and she hated that it was her fault, that she was hurting you. For a moment, she was tempted to change her mind, but she had made up her mind. You deserved better.

"Fight" you said "fight. You can stop this, you already broke one of the seals, you can break the rest. I know you can Aggie, please" you begged.

Agatha knew you were right. She was powerful enough to break the seals that held her prisoner in her own mind. It would take her time, months, maybe even years, but she could do it. But she was sure that you would wait for her as long as it took. And that was exactly what she didn't want. She didn't want to stop you, she didn't want to steal more time from you. She wanted you to move on, to live, to be happy even if she was not by your side.

And she was tired. Very tired.

"From fighting without succeeding now my feet have gotten tired, love" she told you, asking for your forgiveness with her eyes.

"Please" you whispered, but she shook her head.

"Go on without me" she said for the third time "from here I will ask that your life go better"

"No" you sobbed "I don't know how to live without you, Aggie" you confessed

"You will learn" she assured you "you will find someone else who will teach you to do it"

"I don't want someone else!" you screamed

"Love, please. I don't want you to get hurt" she sniffed, resting a hand on the barrier that separated you.

"And what do you think you're doing right now, Harkness?!" you growled "You say you don't want to hurt me, but you're sticking daggers in my chest! You say it wasn't your intention, that you want me to move on, well you would have thought about it when you looked at me with that damn smile that made me tremble, or before you stole the kiss that made me feel like I was something special "You hit the wall hard, scaring her" You didn't want to hurt me, you wanted to kill me! "

Agatha felt her heart break even more with every word that came out of your mouth. She wanted to hug you, kiss you, tell you that you were special, that she loved you. But someday you would thank her for this, even if you couldn't remember her.

"You have to understand" she whispered "You already suffered with me, you only deserve love from now on"

"Tell me who gave you the right to want to save me" You screamed, looking into her eyes "You couldn't hurt me more than this" you whispered, feeling the anger move away and transform into pure sadness "if I'm with you it's because I want to be, Agatha"

The witch couldn't hold your gaze and with a wave of her hand, the barrier disappeared. You gasped when you almost fell on your face, but she managed to catch you. No, no, no ... she could control it?! She could let you kiss her, hug her, and she hadn't done it before?!

But she was doing it now.

Agatha lifted your chin and kissed you firmly, erasing the anger you had and, for a moment, the sadness as well. That kiss gave you hope, that she had reconsidered, that she was going to keep her promise and come back to you.

The witch tried to put all of her emotions into the kiss. She wanted you to know that she loved you, that you had always been the best thing life gave her and that she would do anything for you. Anything.

Even let you go.

You gasped as you felt her vanish in your arms. You were waking up.

"No, no, Agatha, no, don't do this to me" you begged her, scared. You tried to hold on to her, but you were losing her.

"You have to live" she whispered, giving you one last kiss

"No! Agatha, please!" you screamed, everything around you was fading fast. You looked at her while she smiled sadly at you "... I love you" you whispered

"I love you too" she said before disappearing.

_________

You gasped when you woke up. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks and you quickly wiped them away with your hand. You looked at it, confused.

"How weird" you said "I must have had a bad dream"

Although you weren't really sure what you had dreamed of, you couldn't remember it. But it wasn't strange, was it? People often forget their dreams.

You shrugged as you fell asleep again. You didn't feel the engagement ring disappear from your finger.

____________

Meanwhile, somewhere in an abandoned town, a woman smiled as she removed a ring from her finger. She wasn't sure where it was from, but she did know that she didn't need it anymore. She kept it in a box that she left to the bottom of a forgotten drawer.

She paid no attention to the tear that rolled down her cheek. She had been crying a lot, she realized. It must be the allergies.

____________

Agatha sighed and whispered, knowing that no one would listen to her. Not Agnes, not you.

"Meanwhile, here I will cry with my mistake"

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [two] // daisy johnson

summary: same as the first chapter – it was too long to post in one so this is the remainder of it!

part one | part three | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad

"What do you think?"

I raised an eyebrow as I poked my head inside the van, glancing around at the cramped space that had stupidly been turned into a living space. There was also, weirdly enough, a computer in the corner which made absolutely no sense.

"I think I have no idea what I'm looking at," I admitted, before looking to an excited Skye beside me. "What is this?"

She bit her lip to contain her grin as she patted the van's door proudly. "This is my new rig."

I almost laughed. "You're kidding."

Her smile lessened. "I'm not."

Now I definitely laughed. "Skye, c'mon, be serious. Whose van is this?"

Her smile disappeared as she clenched her jaw with annoyance. "It's mine. Sorry it isn't fancy enough for you, your majesty."

When I realised she was serious, I lost my smile and looked between the van and her. "Skye, where the hell did you get a van? You can't even drive!"

Clearly holding in her anger, she began to push past me and slide the doors shut. "He said you wouldn't get it," she mumbled to herself, but I heard.

"He?" I questioned with raised eyebrows. "Who the hell is he?"

"Miles," she snapped, stopping moving and looking to me. "Miles is the one who got me the van. He said it was a bad idea to show you and clearly he was right, Y/N. You took one look at it and laughed. He was right."

I smiled tightly, trying not to get worked up at the mention of Skye's new friend. She'd befriended this 'Miles' guy within the past few months and wouldn't stop meeting with him and his friends. He was in the grade above us, but just like her, he'd skip class and do God knows what.

Ever since she'd been hanging around them, she'd been standoffish and distant. She wouldn't contact me as much when she ran away, and she'd been skipping school more often than usual. They were clearly a bad influence on her, but she reassured me she was in control of her own life and knew what she was doing. Being the idiot I am, I fell for her pretty smile and convincing eyes, but this was getting too far now.

"No offence, Skye, but I wouldn't start listening to a guy who can't even make it to class on time," I said to her with a hint of annoyance. "Why do you need a van anyway?"

"Why not?" she countered with her arms crossed. "I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally taking responsibility. Growing up."

My expression softened. "I've never once said that you had to do either of those things."

"You don't need to say it," she mumbled, looking down at her shoes with a frown. "I know you think it. Everyone does."

I stepped forward, resting a hand on her shoulder and finding her eyes with mine. "Where is this coming from? Skye, I have never thought that. All I've ever wanted for you is to be safe and happy. I'm just worried."

She shrugged me off. "Well, now you don't need to be. I've got this."

"You're seventeen, you should be in school studying, not staying in a van," I said tiredly. "You've been missing so much. How are you gonna graduate?"

She avoided my eyes. "That's another thing... I've been thinking and, well, I don't think I want that."

I widened my eyes with disbelief. "What?"

Still avoiding my eyes, she continued, "I don't think I want to graduate."

I was too surprised to find words so quickly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How can you not want to graduate?!" I asked suddenly, finding my words. "It's what you do! It's what we all do!"

She met my eyes with apologetic ones. "It's what you do, Y/N. I don't want to be at a place that makes me feel like shit. I can't keep pretending I fit in when I don't."

"This isn't you," I told her sternly. "We were supposed to graduate together. You're not stupid, Skye. I can help you study. You can't just give up."

"I'm not," she said with certainty. "I finally know what I'm doing. That's all."

I squeezed my fists together to contain my frustration. "And what's that?"

"The Rising Tide–"

"For fuck's sake!" I cut her off, before hitting the van door with frustration.

"Miles has taught me a lot!" she defended. "They do a lot of good, Y/N! I just want to be apart of something bigger. Something that can help me help others. And something that can help me find my family. My real family."

I clenched my jaw, knowing I was too late in convincing her otherwise. Whatever Miles and the others had told her about their stupid hacking group had worked – she was dropping out of high school and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"You're gonna be going to university and we both know I can't afford it," she said gently. "We couldn't stay together forever, Y/N. And my foster family definitely don't care what happens to me. I don't fit in anywhere."

I looked to her with glassy eyes. "You fit in with me. You always have."

She pursed her lips as she stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough," I added bitterly.

"That's not it and you know it," she muttered, shaking her head. "I have to do this. I have to figure myself out. Alone."

I felt stupid for letting her do everything she did leading up to this point. If I had just tried a little harder, maybe things could have been different.

"You're not alone though, are you?" I asked rhetorically. "You've got your new pals at the Rising Tide. It's their damn fault you're doing all this."

"They're not as bad as you think!"

"You've changed because of them!" I argued back. "They created a barrier between you and I. It's because of them that you've... that you've..."

"What?" she snapped, glaring at me. "That I'm finally thinking for myself?!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and straightened up. "Forget it, just– forget it. I've got a midterm to study for."

She snickered harshly. "Of course. Don't want me slowing you down."

I stayed quiet and turned around to leave. I couldn't see past my anger as I left her with her stupid van. 

Of course, the two of us had been friends for a lot longer than that silly argument, so I was quick to realise how much I actually cared about her and her life, and wanted to apologise for how harsh and unsupportive I sounded.

The next day after school, I decided to head over to her foster family's place to hopefully talk to her. I'd had enough time to think about it and knew I was a lot more levelheaded now that I'd had some space.

I knocked on the front door and waited before an older blonde woman answered. I recognised her as Skye's foster mum, Sally.

"Hi, Mrs Collins," I greeted with a smile. "I'm looking for–”

"Mary doesn't live here anymore," Sally cut me off instantly, surprising me.

I had almost forgotten that Skye's foster family knew her as the name she was given by her orphanage – Mary Sue Poots.

"She doesn't?" I asked with confusion. "But I thought–"

"Goodbye, Miss Y/L/N," Sally interrupted, before slamming the door in my face.

I blinked with confusion before turning around and walking down the steps. It had been a while since I last visited Skye at home. In fact, she made sure I never visited her at home. I guess now I knew why. But then where the hell was she living?

As I walked around the neighbourhood trying to think about where Skye could be, I saw a familiar van parked up on the side of the street and put the pieces together.

Guiltily, I approached the van and sucked up a deep breath before knocking on the side. It didn't take long for the door to slide open and reveal Skye herself.

"Hey," I said quietly, noticing her surprised expression. "Can we talk?"

She licked her lips nervously and nodded, before moving to the side to let me in. I climbed inside and watched as she shut the door before settling on the seat in front of me. I looked around and realised the little details I hadn't noticed yesterday. The little things that made this place Skye's and nobody else's.

"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any," she joked to lighten the mood, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile.

I breathed out before meeting her eyes. "Skye, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have reacted like that. If I had known that this was your home, I–"

"You didn't know," she said, shaking her head with embarrassment. "I didn't want you to know. It's my fault."

I pursed my lips, watching as she looked away with pink cheeks. It hurt me to know that she was embarrassed when I didn't care about any of this, I just cared about her.

"I want you to know that I respect your decision to join the Rising Tide," I said gently, making her look up. "If it's what you want, you should go for it."

"It is," she said with certainty.

I chewed on the inside of my mouth before asking, "Is there no way you can finish high school though? Graduate with me?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to, Y/N."

"But that's the bare minimum," I pleaded. "Hacking isn't a lifestyle. You need to work, too, and I can promise you that most places won't look to hire a high school dropout."

She leaned back in her seat and shrugged nervously. "Miles isn't graduating either. And he's got some friends who haven't graduated. They're all doing fine."

I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose to contain my frustration. I promised myself I wouldn't argue with her, but the mention of her other friends was like a trigger.

"What now?" she asked with annoyance, realising I was annoyed. "You clearly have something to say about them."

"It doesn't matter," I said, biting my tongue.

"Sure it doesn't," she played along.

"It doesn't," I agreed.

"Yeah, and the Hulk isn't bright green," she said sarcastically.

I looked up and glared at her. She stared back challengingly, practically daring me to speak. So, I did.

"Your new hacker friends are the reason you're making these choices," I told her straight. "They're the reason you're making a huge mistake. The reason you're dropping out. And for what? So you can hack like them?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know you look down on us, but we're more than that."

"Skye, I don't give a shit about them!" I shouted without meaning to. "I only care about you!"

"Then stop talking crap about my friends!" she returned angrily.

"Why do you care about them so much?!"

"They gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere! They made me feel like I belonged!"

I frowned, anger replacing with hurt. "I always offered you a place to stay. I only ever wanted you to be safe. You never needed to be different with me. You belonged. Always."

She swallowed hard and looked away from me ashamedly. "Well it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving."

I breathed out deeply. "School? Our town? Leaving what?"

"All of it," she said quietly. "I don't expect you to understand."

I looked down to my fumbling hands, a tear slipping from my eye. I had never felt so angry at someone before in my life. She was treating me like I was a stranger, as if I wasn't somebody who knew her inside out. She was treating me like she treated everyone else except her new friends. And I couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Fine," I said, before moving to open the door. I jumped out her van and didn't spare her a glance as I said, "Have fun with the rest of your life. Sorry I didn't care enough."

She didn't say anything and I didn't expect her to. With a broken heart and headache, I left and didn't bother turning back.

—

"What do you mean she's run away?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Mr Lock said apologetically. "Her foster family got the note this morning. They're doing what they can to find her. She always turns up, you know that."

I knew her family didn't care if she was gone or not, so I knew Skye definitely wouldn't be found. Unlike usual, Skye hadn't contacted me before leaving, so something told me she wouldn't be turning up.

Our argument was over a week ago and I hadn't seen her since. It had been eating away at me the way we'd left things, but I couldn't find it in myself to face her. I had no idea what to say anyway. And I wasn't sure when she was planning on leaving, so I didn't think it was important right now. Clearly, I was wrong.

"I just thought you should know," Mr Lock said with a nod. "The police will come by soon to get a statement from you."

As usual. Except this time, I actually had no idea where she was.

I nodded, my mouth going dry. "Thank you... can I go now?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Of course."

I left his office and headed straight outside behind the bleachers where nobody could hear or see me. The first thing I did was try to ring Skye, but there was no answer and no way to leave a voicemail. I tried several times, hoping she'd pick up, but she didn't. And that's when I remembered the burner phone.

Immediately pulling it out, I turned it on and saw the message from her appear on my screen. I was quick to open it, my heart racing like it did every time she ran away. I knew she wasn't coming back this time though.

Hey, Y/N. I know you probably hate me, but I felt like I owed you this. I said I was leaving and I have. I can't tell you where. And I'm not good at goodbyes. I've had too many of them and I couldn't bring myself to say it to you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I never wanted to, but I guess some things are inevitable, huh? I've managed to do it all my life, this isn't any different. I'm just sorry if I hurt you in the process. Anyway, this is pretty long and I don't even know if you read it, but yeah. I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different.

The text ended there and I found myself rereading it to myself over and over, her words imprinted in my mind. I knew we'd argued and exchanged hurtful words, but I never in a million years thought she'd leave without saying goodbye. I thought I meant more to her than this. But no. I was just another foster family she ran away from. And I wasn't so sure I'd see her again.

[mmilkbreadd]

Chapter twenty three: “Bokuto Hates Goodbyes”

Masterpost - Prev - Next.

Warning(s): post-timeskip manga spoilers!!

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“Tendou is going to quit volleyball after graduating. He wants to go to Paris to work as a chocolatier” you said, never taking your eyes off him. You sighed again, trying to find the words to tell him. Bokuto noticed your pause and smiled at you waiting for you to reply. “And I... I'm going with him.”

Koutarou's smile faded, along with the hope in his heart. 

Silence took over the atmosphere. You were trying to look at Bokuto, but he kept his gaze on the snowy ground. Neither of you had opened your mouths to say anything. Maybe because the correct words did not exist to express what you were feeling at that moment; you, remorse, and Bokuto didn't even know what to feel. Sadness, melancholy, happiness because you are going to fulfill your dream... fear of being forgotten. 

So many things to say, feel, live. 

“Why?” he asked, still with his gaze on the floor.

“Why…?”  you lashed several times. “Because I want to be a baker, fulfill my dream and my grandmother's... It's what I want, Kou.”

Koutarou started to shake his head from side to side, his hands over his hair. 

“Yes I know, but Paris?”  Bokuto looked at you for the first time, his eyes filling with tears. “That's like a million miles away!”

The snow kept falling on you two and the cold seemed to increase, but neither appeared to notice. The moment seemed eternal: Bokuto's tears that still did not come out, the imminent farewell, the silence that still continued ...

“We can continue to be friends, Koutarou, you shouldn't worry” the Owl turned to the opposite side of the school, and started walking away quickly. “Bokuto! Bokuto!” there was still no response on his part. “Koutarou, wait!”

Even though in his mind Bokuto had planned not to return, hearing his name come out of your mouth once more, he stopped short. He quickly turned to see you, your nose was red from the cold, and smoke came out every time you spoke when you apologized to him.”

“I don't want to be friends” shouted Bokuto looking straight into your eyes, with a tear rolling on his cheek. “I do not want you to go! W-we're just getting to know each other! It's not fair.”

Bokuto pouted while still staring at you. 

“We still have time, I won't be leaving for another month,” you said, but you knew it wasn't enough time. Not even a thousand years would be. “We'll talk on the phone!”

Promises that were very difficult to keep. Even if you wanted to, with the exams that would be shortly, and then in the cooking academy, it would be impossible to maintain much contact. You didn't know if you could even keep it with Emiko and Wakatoshi.

“Don't say things that later won't be true,” Bokuto said for the last time, wiping the tears that fell from his eyes. “Bye, y/n.”

And in a last act of desperation, you grabbed Koutarou by the wrist and then grabbed his coat tightly, then brought your lips together with his. 

After a few seconds, the light of a flash interrupted you.

“I'm sorry?” Emiko said with a nervous little smile. She had taken a picture of you kissing, and now she was slowly walking away so she could escape your creepy gaze. “I better go, haha. Byeee.”

Again the silence had taken over the environment. But this time, Bokuto's face was completely changed. His cheeks were flushed and he had a big smile on his lips.

“You like me too?” he asked suddenly. 

And even though you were speechless, you were able to whisper a little “yes”. Bokuto without warning held you with his arms, hugging you, and then started jumping up and down several times.

“Wait, we were fighting two minutes ago,” he said, making an angry face, but then his true colors showed and he started laughing. “Hey Hey hey! It no longer matters, we must take advantage of every second. Get ready, y/n, I'll come tomorrow at nine in the morning! Well maybe not that early, but I'll come before lunch!”

And here was another example where you could see the captain of Fukurodani change his mood quickly.

You said goodbye and you entered the academy again, thinking about how to assassinate Emiko. 

Tomorrow would be the last day you would see Bokuto in a long time.

And maybe forever. 

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Just as Koutarou had said the night before, at eleven in the morning he was at Shiratorizawa's gate, waiting for you to come out. It was not as early as he would have liked, but he had also arrived very late at the hotel, so he needed to sleep as well. Even though you were already walking towards the exit, two people arrived before you.

“Hello, Bokuto-san,” Tendou greeted. “Let's get straight to the point, what are your intentions with the little y/n? Ushijima and I are not very convinced that you go out with her so often. You were too late last night, and now it's too early. I hope you are not doing strange things out there. This is not Tokyo, my friend.”

“He is not your friend, Tendou” Ushijima said in a whisper, with his deep voice.

“I know, best friend, but I want to intimidate him” Satori whispered back, but he didn't realize that Bokuto had heard everything. 

In the distance, you came walking next to Emiko. You had already forgiven her for last night's photo, although she still hadn't deleted it from Twitter, and had even put it as your profile picture for a few hours until you noticed and took it out. You can tell that Tsukasa almost ran out of roommates. 

“Hey, aren't those Satori and Wakatoshi talking to your boyfriend?” She asked you, pointing to your friends and the one who wasn't your boyfriend really.

“I'm going to kill them.”

You sped up your pace to get there as quickly as possible and avoid disaster before it happens. But to your surprise, when you got to where the three of them were, all you could hear was laughter. Yes, even Ushijima.

“What is happening here?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at Satori, who you thought was responsible for this situation. And as always, you were right.

“Oh, nothing, y/n. Just old friends remembering old times” said Tendou with a rather forced laugh. Then, Ushijima and Bokuto also began to laugh out loud, while Koutarou made a danger signal with his eyes, and Emiko watched the situation in disbelief.

“I think Koutarou and I should go now” and before any of your friends could say anything, you grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket and trotted off to Miyagi's main park.

Behind you, you could hear Tendou's screams calling for you to come back, but you ignored them and kept walking quickly in front of Bokuto.

Arriving at the park you could see several children with their parents playing in the snow, despite not having snowed today, there was still a little snow on the trees and grass.

“Thanks for saving me, things were getting ugly there,” he said as he took your hand that was on his sleeve, to be holding hands normally. “I have bad news.”

More bad news? You didn't think you were going to be able to endure another misfortune this weekend. It seems that Bokuto noticed your desperate face and squeezed your hand tightly to encourage you.

“They have suspended my bus for tomorrow, they say there will be a snowstorm in the afternoon so they have changed the schedule.” Nothing went right for tragic volleyball lovers. “I'm leaving tonight, so we can't see each other tomorrow.”

The world fell at your feet. How could everything go wrong for you? A lot of drama has existed lately.

“And now what?” you asked him.

“We live in the moment!” and without saying anything else, Bokuto started to run towards the ice skating rink, never letting go of your hand. 

The ice was full of small children, who watched Koutarou every time he made a few meters and fell letting out a scream. The kids laughed at the Owl's exaggeration, causing him to make it even more dramatic to obtain more laughter. Every time you fell, Bokuto would rush to get up and ask you if you were okay, even if you were laughing at yourself and had not suffered any injuries.

After skating for half an hour or so, you decided to go for lunch because it was already quite late. You went to the same cafeteria that you had gone to the day before, and you ordered something warm since today's temperature was even colder than yesterday’s. 

At the end of lunch, Bokuto asked you to show him around the city, although there was not much to show as it was quite small compared to Tokyo. You showed him where Karasuno High was, but you didn't go there since it was relatively far from where you were. He took several photos and sent them to Akaashi, and then to his mother. 

The hours passed quickly, reaching the time of curfew, which meant that you had to go back to school, and Bokuto to his hotel to find his bags and go to the station. Unfortunately, you could not accompany him before his bus leaves. 

“It's time to say goodbye,” you told him once at the entrance of the academy. "Thanks for coming to visit me, Kou.”

Before saying something to you, Bokuto put his arms around you. This time neither of you were crying, nor were sad. You were happy for the time you spent together.

“Goodbye, y/n, I'm going to miss you” and with a lot of bravery in his heart, Koutarou brought his lips to yours one last time. 

“I promise to call you.”

And so, Bokuto Koutarou said goodbye with a sad smile, knowing that that promise was nothing more than an empty promise.

And that at the end of all, it would not be kept. 

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A/N: I know Bokuto’s hair isn’t exactly accurate in the photo but it was the best image I could find😩😩 sorryy

Btw who wouldn’t leave everything behind to go to Paris with Tendou Satori? I wouldn’t even think about it, my bags are ready!

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Tags in reblog!

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If you want to be tagged in these posts please send an ask.

You can also complete the form that is linked in the Masterpost.

Thanks for reading🥰

[thesoggy-1]

breakfast lovers

"what the hell is your deal?"

eggshells drop to the ground

you were cooking me breakfast rather bitterly

i can only remember you being bitter

you buttered me up when you wanted to fuck me

that's the only time you were kind

"are you gonna answer?"

why were you asking me this?

why do you always ask for more?

you had whipped back looking me in the eyes this time

your hair tied back in its normal bun, shaved to the sides

i missed your long hair.

"honey, breakfast is almost ready."

you said with a smile

danish accent for this land was not yours

miles to kilometers

inches to centimeters

fahrenheit to celsius

"how'd you sleep last night? i know you said something about your dreams bothering you again"

no i hadn't

but you knew

frost blue eyes

soft pale skin

and oh yes the dreams. they were bad, too vivid

i was losing you and id never even met you

"how do you like your eggs?"

you had your back turned

you thought i was strong

dark skin, beautiful teeth and eyes

id thought about stealing them.

"i'll put some sugar in your coffee, babe. just let me take care of you"

you were different. i liked it.

you didn't hide you told me things

we were both fucked and we knew that.

god, if only you knew how bad it was

"i saw my dad"

you filled me with dread

i can't remember you anymore

you moved away as i tried to move closer

gore and such. made me want-

maybe i shouldn't write that, not yet.

"and you still don't talk. what's wrong with me"

nothing, it's my fault

but no its not. it yours

your blood, made me this way

your last name

it's not your fault. why can't you be less like him?

you even cook like him. though you are your mothers child

"emily and cameron wanted to see if we wanted to go."

it was never just us, you were scared of me

filipino, gorgeous

shaggy black hair

lips, god your lips

"my mom said she likes you"

this is the last time i'll be here, you're too scared

i can tell

you're nervous, your hands shaking as you flip the pan

no matter how gentle i am

i suppose i'm too loud, too many 'fuck you''s

"i need a ride home"

of course you do, maybe give me my shit back.

you knew it was important

i'm glad it's giving you nightmares

you gave me nightmares

i hate you

"as long as you're happy, baby"

you'd stop cooking, black coffee

please, i'm asking for help.

please please please

don't promote it; i just wanna see myself

do you think i need too?

does it make you hard?

do you get off on suffering? of course you do

“too bad you don't realize"

flipped the toast with a sigh

i'll leave you to think that.

play the fool, i had a feeling you knew

no we laugh about how it happened

maybe I had convinced both of us

"i suppose if you wouldn't have texted--"

yeah yeah you've said it before.

you're such a bitch sometimes

you and your mom probably hate me

i'll see you tomorrow, though

i still love you, friend

"i'm sorry, you're not leaving, right?"

god shut up. you're getting tears in my tea

i'm often bitter but not at people other than myself

but you were an exception.

all you did was not hurt me back.

why aren't you angry

"i still love you"

of course you do.

anxious attachment style was your personality

i hated it, it terrified me.

you were too close yet so fucking far

maybe i'm the crazy one, for helping you

maybe your theories were right, music and pot

maybe you're my soulmate, love and distance

maybe you're the realistic one, near and truthful

maybe you're just like him, awful and tormentous

maybe it was me, loud and secret

maybe it's good i don't have you to take care of, needy and childlike

maybe will be best friends for life, fire and air

maybe i was the crazy one.

"nothing, i just want you to stop"

"thank you, love. and they're getting better now that you're real"

"well done. thank you so much, you know sleeps hard. I love you"

"you're too much like him. you scare me"

"yeah that's fine with me. your mom seems sweet, i'm glad"

"no, you have no regard for me. why would i give you a ride?"

"yeah, haha i guess you're right. i'm glad i did"

"i can't do this. please let me go."

"Breakfast is ready"

-C. Lee

[viscountessevie]

To Lady Paige, With Love [Part 2]

Main Pairing: Eloise Bridgerton x FemOC! Paige Crane [Reference to Past! Marina Thompson x Paige Crane]

Series Summary: A WLW Rewrite of To Sir Phillip, With Love - featuring my OC Paige Crane, Phillip's twin sister. What happens when Eloise Bridgerton writes to Phillip after the death of his wife but her letter gets intercepted by his twin sister who loved more Marina than he ever did?

Chapter Summary: After corresponding with Eloise for over a year using her brother's name, Paige is mourning Marina's first death anniversary. All Paige wanted was some peace and quiet but little does she know, she's in for a rude awakening

Trigger Warnings: Grief, Brief Mentions of Previous Death/Suicide Attempt, Depression & Anxiety

Part 1 - Prologue: Take Me To The Lakes

Chapter 1: Right Where You Left Me [February 1823]

5:48pm. That time would haunt Paige for the rest of her life.

'Time of death: 5:48pm.' the doctor had said. The moment Marina was officially pronounced dead, Paige screamed. She could still hear the echoes of her own scream every night she spent in Marina's room, sobbing herself to sleep. It had been a month since she died. Paige truly understood what Marina felt and went through.

The grief, pain and sadness was all consuming. She was drowning in her own emotions. It made her want to throw herself into the lake and join Marina. At least drowning in the lake was tangible. It was a tangible way to match the melancholy she was feeling. Through the pain, Paige had learnt that when people take their lives, they don't get rid of the melancholy, they simply pass it on. Paige had become a victim of Marina's pain being passed onto her.

She knew that everyone was dealing with the loss on their own but she was just so angry with Phillip and the children and even the staff. Pretending like Marina was never there. The worst part is, she couldn't fault them for it. Marina wasn't there, at least not mentally present. The last month has eased off her anger. She nearly bit Phillip's head off when he came back from his business trip the day before she passed.

"You should have been here! I may love her but she's still your wife!"

"I had a very important specimen to pick up, you know that, Paige." He said gruffly. She was so sick and tired of him using his experiments as an excuse to neglect his family.

"I know that!" She snapped at him, "These trips are getting ridiculous. You can't keep using them to run away from your responsibilities. You made a commitment to her and your children. You completely abandoned them!" Her voice cracked with anger. Now Phillip was getting frustrated with her and snapped back at his twin.

"Do you think I wanted to carry those burdens? I had no choice in the matter! I had to be the one to clean up the mess George left behind!"

She stepped back at her brother's outburst. He never yelled. He refused to be their father. She knew she had crossed the line. She softened her expression.

"I shouldn't have yelled, I apologise. But so help me God, you will not repeat that to her or the children. They are our family, Phillip, 'not a mess George left behind." Her voice was low, laced with a cold fury.

"She's resting now but you should go see her. I'll give you two some privacy." Paige made her suggestion sound like a demand. There was absolutely no reason why he should neglect his duties as a husband now. She wasn't going to let him off the hook for it. She quickly slipped into the room to kiss Marina's forehead. She allowed Philip in and headed off to tend to the children.

Then there was that dreadful conversation where Amanda openly admitted that she was glad her mother was gone. Paige knew on an intellectual level that's not what Amanda had meant. She meant she was happy her mother was happy even if it meant she was gone. But emotionally, it destroyed Paige to hear that.

It was exhausting to feel like the only one who truly cared for Marina. She had all these emotions welled up inside her, screaming to be let out. Yet she felt like she couldn't talk to anyone. The children played and carried on as per normal. While Phillip had stopped taking his trips to avoid the children, he has hidden away in the Greenhouse more often. He refuses to talk about her. What else could she expect from her twin who represses the slightest hint of human emotion. God forbid he let himself feel sad.

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that everyone processed grief in different ways. She needed something to get her mind off things. On cue, Miles came in to deliver the mail. She gestured for him to hand them over and he took his leave.

She flipped through the envelopes, none addressed to her. Of course no one would write to her and the only person who would, died. She was about to put down the pile when a name jumped out at her.

From: Eloise Bridgerton No. 5, Bruton Street London

She remembered Eloise like it was yesterday. They spent some time together during their first season. She came as a package deal with Penelope Featherington. So when Marina had struck up a friendship with Penelope, Paige found herself spending a lot of time with the two of them. The four of them were quite the formidable group during that first season. Paige remembered how many suitors Marina had received. Unable to deal with her jealousy in a healthy manner, she did what she did best, ran away from her emotions. She poured herself into a friendship with Eloise. Somewhere along the way, she had developed feelings for the clever Bridgerton. She recalled how she did her best to repress those feelings. Even though at the time, Marina and her were nowhere close to courtship, Paige still felt like she was being unfaithful to her.

There was just something about Eloise that had drawn Paige to her.

She shook her head rather violently, as if trying to shake those memories away. How could she be thinking of that when she's supposed to be grieving Marina? She set down the letter, leaving it for Phillip to read it later when he finally comes out of hiding.

She stood up to head to Marina's room to mope. It almost seemed like she had taken Marina's place as the Romney Hall's living ghost. What was the point in living your life when the person you wanted to spend it with was gone?

But rising questions about Eloise's letter stopped her. For one, why was it addressed to Phillip rather than her? She knew it had been well over a decade, but had Eloise forgotten her already?

Her plan to mope for the day had been abandoned and she picked up Eloise's letter once again. She picked up the letter opener and impulsively ripped it open.

Sir Phillip Crane —

I am writing to express my condolences on the loss of your wife, my dear friend Marina, I remember her fondly and was deeply saddened to hear of her passing .

Please do not hesitate to write if there is anything I can do to ease your pain at this difficult time .

Yrs,

Miss Eloise Bridgerton

***

Oh. She was just as lovely as Paige remembered her. This was too kind of a letter to delay it's response. Paige went to her room and sat at her desk. She pulled out her stationary kit and fetched herself some parchment and a quill. She quickly penned down a response.

Dear Eloise —

I hope you remember me from your first season. Marina was a dear friend to me as well and I thank you for your kind note on behalf of Marina. It was thoughtful of you to write asking after us.

I offer you this flower attached as thanks. It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet.

Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.

It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.

Sincerely -

*

She stopped short before she signed it off with her name. She had finally stepped out of her moment of impulsivity. Insanity more like, she thought to herself. She felt awful for invading Eloise and - by extension - Phillip's privacy.

She couldn't send this! How was she going to explain it?

*

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

I am absolutely mad and stole my brother's mail because I used to fancy you when we first debuted together in our first season.

Yours Sincerely, Paige Crane

That would certainly go over well. She would be lucky not to be locked up. She stared at her original letter and ripped it up. She detested the thought of Phillip striking up a friendship with Eloise. Deep down she knew if he became as enamoured with her as she once was, he'd make her his wife. It might have only been a month but she knew her brother. He needed a mother and wife for the children. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he was already planning to look for one.

He had already taken Marina from her. As twins, they grew up sharing everything, starting from the womb. Everywhere Paige went, Phillip was there. They even had parallel careers. She just wanted this one person to herself. It was selfish she knew but she wanted to keep her London past for herself. Even if it meant never letting Phillip see the letter and responding on her own.

She rewrote another note without a second thought:

Dear Miss Bridgerton,

Thank you for your kind note on behalf of my wife. It was thoughtful of you to take the time to write to a gentleman you have never met. I offer you this full bloom flower as thanks.

It is called an Eden rose also known as the Pierre de Ronsard, named after the great French poet. Did you know that it reaches an average diameter of 10 centimetres. The large flowers are very full with 55 to 60 petals. Due to their weight the cupped, globular flowers tend to bow their heads.

It was Marina's favourite flower. She loved the carmine-pink on the inside and ivory on the outside. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did.

When it came to signing off, she hesitated for a moment at her dishonesty. Then the anger of having lost most of her life and identity to Phillip came up. That was motivation enough for her to scribble the last line of the letter:

Sincerely, Sir Phillip Crane.

***

Letter Correspondence From March 1823 to March 1824 Between Paige Crane & Eloise Bridgerton

Dear Sir Phillip -

Thank you so very much for the charming flower. It was such a lovely surprise when it came attached to the envelope. And such a precious memento of dear Marina, as well .

I could not help but notice your facility with the flower's scientific name and seemed to be knowledgeable about its properties. Are you a botanist?

Yours, Miss Eloise Bridgerton

*

Eloise’s response had come quite quickly in a week. It was no easy feat hiding the letters from Phillip. He was the Lord of the house after all. Paige was lucky enough to have a friend in Miles. She had been the one to stop Phillip from being let go. She had named him her personal assistant instead. She coyly asked Miles for a favour and requested that all of Eloise’s letters be directed to her. He looked at her with utter confusion when she asked.

“Whatever are you up to, Miss Crane?”

“Miles, you know you can call me Paige. We are friends, aren’t we?” She had a mischievous shine in her eye that told him she was up to something.

“I suppose… that doesn’t answer my question, Paige.” He said her name pointedly. She chuckled at him, he was hilarious. She knew she made the right choice keeping him employed.

“Friends trust each other. I promise I will tell you everything down the line.” She shot him a look of promise. That fixed the issue of being found out was solved easily. All she had to do now was enjoy the correspondence.

She still had not been able to break her habit of crying herself to sleep in Marina’s room every night, but these letters took her mind off the grief momentarily. She couldn’t thank Eloise Bridgerton enough for that. She read back Eloise’s response and grinned. Eloise was as charming and eloquent as always. She was clever enough to pick out Paige's interest in plants just by her rambles. Paige also noticed how Eloise was clever enough to end her letter with a question. What a sneaky lady, now Paige had to reply. Not that she was complaining. She was rather happy to have revived this old connection.

She pulled out her stationary and penned her reply. She stuck close to the truth while using Phillip's qualifications. Just because she wasn't allowed a formal education at Cambridge didn't make her any less knowledgeable than her twin. She devoured his textbooks during his University days. She most likely would have beat him to an honours degree in Botany had the fairer sex been allowed to study in Universities.

She followed Eloise's lead and ended her letter with a question as well. She vaguely remembered Eloise’s interest in humanities but she wanted it confirmed from the lady herself.

*

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

Indeed I am a botanist, trained at Cambridge, although I am not currently connected with any university or scientific board. I maintain my own garden at Romney Hall, in my greenhouse. Are you of a scientific bent as well?

Yours , Sir Phillip Crane

The reply came another week later. She smiled at being correct in her assumption. They started going back and forth every week, until a year had passed.

*

Dear Sir Phillip —

Heavens, no, I have not the scientific mind, I'm afraid, although I do have a fair head for sums. My interests lie more in the humanities; you may have noticed that I enjoy penning letters .

Yours in friendship,

Eloise Bridgerton

*

My dear Miss Bridgerton —

Ah, but it is a sort of friendship, isn't it? I confess to a certain measure of isolation here in the country, and if one cannot have a smiling face across one's breakfast table, then one might at least have an amiable letter, don't you agree?

I have enclosed another flower and a book for you. This flower is Centaurea cyanus, more commonly known as the cornflower. They are a personal favourite of mine, especially for its vibrance in colour. They are actually grown as a weed in cornfields, hence where it derives its common name from. Quite beautiful for a weed, wouldn’t you agree?

As for the book, I would like to share a piece of my literary heart with you. You will find a copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in the package. I regard it as a brilliantly complex novel that tackles the existential questions of creating life in such an nuanced manner. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

With great regard, Phillip Crane

*

Even though it was a friendly exchange of letters, Paige considered sharing her favourite flower and novel a way of elevating the friendship. They were a part of her identity. A part that she was willingly giving away to another to cherish and hold. It was a big step for her and that terrified her. She was scared of developing feelings for someone else. She could not bear to go through it again.

She knew no sane woman - despite being a child of Sappho - would give up the security of a husband and run off with another woman. Most of the sapphic women Paige knew were far too caught up in the social norms to ever step out of their comfort zone into a realm of possibilities of a free life with her. She knew she got lucky with Marina and that Phillip didn’t care enough for Marina to be bothered with their love affair. He also loved his sister enough to be happy with his wife, even if he didn’t understand how she could love a person who seemed to be made of sadness. Paige knew he never understood, but he didn’t have to. Marina and her understood each other and that’s all that truly mattered until the end.

While Eloise has never stated whether she felt that way about women, she did seem like a child of Sappho. The way she had interacted with potential suitors during that first season, or rather the way she didn’t. She hid away from every suitor that came her way. At times, she would pull Paige away to the lemonade table to avoid them, whenever Penelope was too busy dancing with Colin. The way she scoffed at marriage. She just seemed content in her independence. Paige had admired that about her.

*

As always her next letter did not disappoint:

Dear Sir Phillip —

Thank you for the book and flower, I truly appreciated them. I have always found sharing books recommendations with companions is like giving them a piece of yourself. So I thank you again, for gifting me a piece of yourself. I promise to cherish it.

And I have read Frankenstein before! It truly is one of its kind. I could go on for hours on end about how much I love this book and how brilliantly crafted it is. Perhaps, should we ever meet, we could discuss it over tea one day.

The cornflower was wonderful, thank you. I do love how it seems to shine a brighter blue in the sunlight. I think it might be my favourite flower as well.

Yours, Eloise Bridgerton.

A dreamy sigh escaped Paige’s lips as she drank in Eloise’s latest words. Paige had never felt more seen and understood. Eloise expressed the sentiment of Paige’s intent with the book and flower exactly. Paige might have used her brother’s name, but she knew in her heart Eloise knew her - even if it was not by her given name. She found the line about meeting and discussing the novel over tea, a rather bold choice. Was Eloise inviting her to tea?

She sighed when the sobering truth hit her. Eloise wasn’t inviting her. She was inviting her brother. She knew what she had to do - politely shut her down.

Dearest Miss Bridgerton —

You took the words right out of my quill. Those were my exact intentions when I thought of sending my favourite flower and book over to you. I am very much honoured that you cherish an important part of myself. I truly appreciate it. Truth be told, I appreciate you and our friendship.

Perhaps, one day. Tea does sound lovely.

What mischief have you been causing as of late? I am always excited to read your recounts of your daily adventures.

Yours as always, Phillip Crane. * Over the next few months simply flew by for Paige, the letters giving her a reprieve from her grief. They talked about anything and everything under the sun. She learned everything there is to know about Eloise Bridgerton. They exchanged childhood stories, more books between the two of them - Paige found out that Eloise’s guilty pleasure was Jane Austen’s romance novels - and held full conversations of various academic subjects. Her most prized possession was Eloise’s old copy of Persuasion filled with Eloise’s notes and thoughts on the book. Paige’s heart soared the moment she received it. It was Eloise’s version of giving Paige a piece of herself. She hadn’t read Persuasion before so she was glad for the recommendation. The botanist couldn’t help but laugh as she read the novel. Anne and Captain Wentworth’s story seemed to mirror hers. Their 7 year separation felt rather familiar to having not seen Eloise since their first season.

Before she knew it, a year had passed. She was startled when she saw the calendar on her desk when penning her latest letter to Eloise. 14th February 1824. It was the day Marina attempted to kill herself a year ago. Tomorrow would be a year since Marina’s last good day. And two days from now, on 17th February 1824, Paige would have to be met with the sobering reality of Marina’s death anniversary.

The holidays had been hard as it could be. The empty chair Marina had previously occupied was staring at Paige while her family carried on with their jovial Christmas dinner. She couldn’t understand how they could simply get on with their lives while she felt like a piece of her was missing. Yes, Marina was not much for festivities but sitting beside her and enjoying the food they cooked together was the highlight of Christmas. It was the only time Marina felt well enough to help Paige prepare the feast.

Marina’s birthday had been the hardest to deal with of course. She would have been twenty and eight then. Paige visits Marina's grave at least once a week. It calms and soothes her intense moments of grief. Sitting by the grave on Marina's birthday was a new kind of pain. Knowing that she was taken from the world far too early. Knowing that she should have been there right beside Paige. It was the hardest Paige had cried since Marina had died.

She had no idea how she was going to deal with her death anniversary.

She just knew she needed time to herself. She looked down at the letter she was going to write and found big splashes of tears all over the parchment.

"Blast it!" She cursed and crushed the paper, tossing it into a nearby bin. She was furious with herself for forgetting. For allowing herself to be happy when she didn’t deserve it. She wiped her tears angrily and quickly scribbled one last letter to Eloise.

Dear Miss Bridgerton —

These letters have brought me such comfort over a very difficult year. I cannot thank you enough for it, Eloise Bridgerton.

I do regret to inform you, I would like to pause these letters for the month. I require some time to process and mourn Marina's first death anniversary. I'm sure you can understand it will be a rather difficult time.

Thank you for understanding and do take care, Miss Bridgerton.

Yours, Phillip Crane

Paige could barely get through the letter without feeling guilty. Feeling guilty for abandoning Eloise so abruptly. Feeling guilty for using her as a distraction from her grief over Marina. Most of all, she hated how she can't seem to remember the smallest things about Marina. She was forgetting her love's memory and it was driving her mad. She tried her best to conjure up how she smelled, the sound of her voice, how she was. Paige found the little details escaping her. Memories slipping through her fingers. She detested this. She didn't know how she had gotten to this point.

She had allowed her corresponding flirtation with Eloise to soothe her pain. But her pain was the one thing she had left of Marina. Letting it go meant letting go of Marina. Paige absolutely refused to do that. If she forgot Marina, there was no one else to keep her memory alive. Phillip and the children certainly didn't care for it. Marina would be lost to history.

*

After delivering the letter to Miles to be mailed out, Paige found herself in Marina's room. She laid on her bed, aimlessly and feeling vacant. She was sure if someone walked in they might mistake her for Marina herself. Paige felt her melancholy creeping up her throat. It threatened to choke her, snuffing all the light out. She sat up and tried to breathe. She was feeling an unusual amount of panic rising within her.

She got out of bed and looked out the window. The lake was in perfect view. Of course, that’s where Marina had gotten the idea, She thought to herself bitterly. She looked up at the sky, imagining her lover was up there somewhere happier. Somewhere calmer, where she had found peace.

“I’m right where you left me, Rina.” She whispered softly. It had been a while since she spoke out loud to Marina but it had brought her so much comfort in the early days of dealing with the grief. For a moment, she could pretend Marina was still there. Then she didn’t have to deal with the all consuming guilt and loneliness that came with losing the love of her life.

Marina might have been the one who died but Paige felt like the ghost. Spending most of her days in Marina's room, sitting still in a corner, almost like she was the one haunting it. She heard what the staff said. Something along the lines of, "What a pitiful sight." And "She deserves better than to replace Lady Marina's disposition." They were valid in their concerns but Paige couldn't care less. This was the way she knew how to grieve and mourn and she'll be damned before she lets anyone dictate the way she feels.

Looking into the reflection of the lake from the window, she could still remember the day Marina walked into the lake. It was terrifying how crystal clear the memory was. It felt like she was frozen in time - forever cursed to be twenty and seven - forced to relive the last few days of Marina's days. The memory of her walking into the lake, Paige having to rescue her, staying by her side the next three days and the moment she died. They swirled around Paige's mind constantly. It was particularly worse since it had been a year.

She was paralysed, unable to find the will to do anything else. So she went back to bed. She sat there, silent and frozen in time. The servants walked past all day to ask her if she was alright. She barely managed a nod.

She swore she could hear a hair pin drop at how silent everything was. Deep down she knew her life stopped the moment Marina had died. Eloise's letters may have made her feel like she could move forward. However, the gaping hole in her heart today proved otherwise.

Everybody moved on. She couldn't. So she settled and stayed there, dust collecting on her pinned-up hair. She knew everyone expected her to find a new purpose or a fresh start. She could have tended to her own garden like Phillip was doing in his Greenhouse on this day.

Yet all she found the energy to do was sit and stare out at the lake. She stayed right there for the next two days. She just wanted the next worst few days of her life to pass her by so she would not have to deal with them. Just until the 17th had passed.

*

Of course as the saying goes, there is no rest for the wicked. All Paige wanted on the 17th of February was some peace but little did she know, a certain Bridgerton would be making their way to Romney Hall.

It started out like any other day. Except for the Crane household, there was a somber remembrance of Marina’s first death anniversary. Paige was relieved that she didn’t have to share the burden alone and that her brother had the decency to acknowledge it. He didn’t bother reminding the children but they were young so she let it slide.

Since the staff had honoured her request of being left alone, around noon Paige dragged herself out of bed to get herself some lunch. Marina would have wanted her to mourn respectfully, not join her up wherever she may be. Paige was on her way back to her room after picking up her meal of roasted mutton with rice and gravy - Marina’s favourite dish - when she overheard a curious conversation between Gunning and her brother.

"Sir Phillip," Gunning said, clearing his throat. "We have a caller." "A caller?" Phillip echoed. "Was that the source of the, ah..." "Noise?" Gunning supplied helpfully. "Yes." "No." The butler cleared his throat. "That would have been your children." "I see," Phillip murmured. "How silly of me to have hoped otherwise." "I don't believe they broke anything, sir." "That's a relief and a change." "Indeed, sir, but there is the caller to consider."

Phillip groaned and Paige immediately knew what he was thinking. Romney Hall hadn’t received callers in years. He was probably wondering who on earth would be calling on this day of all days. Paige didn’t think much of it until she passed the front door on her way up to her room when she spotted a familiar face on the other side of the door.

Eloise Bridgerton.

What in the devil was she doing here?! Paige mentally screamed to herself. Gunning and Phillip’s conversation had faded to the background, drowned out by the mental grind of Paige’s mind. She snapped out of her melancholy and had to come up with a way to cover up the consequences of her actions. Just when she needed it, Miles walked past her. She immediately grabbed him. He looked surprised and a little violated if you asked him.

“Miss Crane! What on earth?” “Miles, how many times must I repeat myself? Paige is perfectly fine. I apologise for grabbing you, I am in need of your service.” She said guiltily, looking over at the front door.

He gave her a curious look, “What did you do now, Paige?” He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

She shot him a glare, “I would snap at you for that but you are quite right to ask. I think one of my letters to Miss Bridgerton might have been misinterpreted as an invitation to come over to Romney Hall.” She gave him such a pitiful pleading look, he had to help her.

“How can I be of service, Miss - Paige?” He corrected himself the moment Paige shot him a murderous look. “I need a plan. If the truth comes out, neither of them will forgive me.”

Miles had never seen her so panicked and scared before. For someone who detests her brother, she really did love him. Her blooming feelings for Miss Bridgerton had become apparent over the last few months. He gave himself a moment to think of a plan.

"Yes, sir. She's here to see you, after all." They both heard Gunning say to Phillip.

Paige looked at Miles with wide eyes. They had officially run out of time. This was sealed by the sounds of Phillip’s footsteps making their way to the corridor Paige and Miles were hatching a plan in. Before Paige could push Miles to distract him, her dear brother had brushed past them and opened the door. She cursed to herself and watched helplessly as the two strangers who had technically never met interacted. She made her way to stand quietly behind her brother, listening to every word. Paige's heart nearly stopped when she heard Eloise's voice after all these years.

"Sir Phillip?"

[gardenerian]

I'm ready to talk, I hope you're too. Brace yourself, ramblings are incoming.

Carl: honey, I thinks it's the right time to call it quits.

Liam: where to start?! He really is the only grown up in this family (he isn't, but you get my point). He's eleven (excuse me "I'm eleven" - I gasped). He shouldn't have to think about stuff like his demented father and how to take care of him. I'm not here to call the others out. Liam just has the best relationship with Frank and they spend more time together as everyone else. Liam has such a big heart, I can't believe it. Frank broke up the deal with the other kid but I don't think Liam is angry. He just knows that this is the illness speaking.

Lip and Ian: I don't know where to start. This scene, I've waited 9 episodes for something like that. So much to unpack. First of all, I think lip is apologising firstly to himself, because he thinks he's a failure and a fuck up. But I also think he's apologising to Ian. Because of the fight, but also because of the whole house situation. And if you think about his face after he sold the indian, my heart broke a bit. AND I loved that Ian just knew that lip needed him in that moment. Brothers 🥺

Debbie: I think she accepted the fact that the selling of the house is really happening. I feel for her, it must been difficult. And I still think she, Franny and Carl should move in together.

Kev and Vee: I saw this coming from a mile away, but I really like it. Of course it's sad, them leaving Chicago behind. I think them and the gallaghers are still kind of a family, even if there's been fewer and fewer scenes this season. But I thinks it's the best possible decision for them.

Frank: still no real discussion how they should deal with his illness. (Oh, I'm remembering just now that Liam defended Frank in the first scene. Ouch. 🤕 See my points above, Liam is the most precious human being)

Last but not least: Franny is maybe even more precious than Liam. I love her with all my heart.

(and yes, I'm not going into all things I x M right now. I wanted to talk about the others first.)

ANNA YES. so much happened, i can’t get over it. i enjoyed this episode so much. this got away from me, so thoughts in response to your thoughts under the cut! 

carl........ every single episode, i keep thinking this will be the day that he goes ‘you know what? this sucks’ and FIND SOMETHING ELSE. i had to skim his scenes again, the imagery is just too tough. there are so many community outreach jobs he could do. work with kids.... work with formerly incarcerated people.... do something with public art. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT. i’m still rooting for carl, despite the whole acab of the situation. if he ends the season still a cop i will lose my mind and he might have to be slightly dead to me. 

LIAM MY SWEET ANGEL BOY. i hate how these heavy things keep falling on his shoulders. and i am so upset about frank actually. that scene with them trying to decide what to do with him wrecked my soul. and he seemed so scared in that porch scene with liam. i cannot fathom that kind of fear. and liam... he’s a BOY. i am dying to know how they find a solution for frank in TWO EPISODES, or if frank just does his own thing till the end? i’d like to see this pressure off liam, anyways. 

i really did feel for debbie in this episode, though i got kind of annoyed that there was this nice moment between her and lip at the end of 11x09 and then they just forgot that? but i guess these things aren’t easily solved. i’m kinda surprised carl wasn’t even part of her plan, i hope they live together too. i can’t see carl living on his own and they’ve always been so close. 

also figured this was coming for kev and vee! i desperately need them to interact with all the gallaghers before they go. i’ll be happy if they’re happy in louisville! my only issue with their storyline (and really with the episode) is how media writers cannot contain their contempt and poor understanding of the south. but that’s my burden to bear. 

lip and ian........... i thought before the episode ‘OH GOD we are running out of time for a brother moment’ and we GOT IT. that was everything i needed. lip leaning on his brother a little, finally sharing some of his troubles. and ian proving how far he’s come, how easily he sees these things now. i really hope lip seeks out a meeting. that was my favorite scene of the whole season! 

FRANNY LOVES HER UNCLES SHE LOVES THEM SO MUCH. that made me smile so big. 

[getitinbusan]

My top OT7 Smut Recs!

Fic Recs in a Fic

Much love to @noona-la-la-la @tayegi @softyoongiionly @fortunexkookie @gukslut @honeymoonjin @yminie for being amazing writers!

Jungkook arrived at his wardrobe appointment just past two o'clock. He never minded coming in, truth be told he had developed a bit of a crush on his Clothing Stylist.

Her pretty smile and contagious laugh frequently caught his eye as the fashion team stood together chatting and laughing. He wondered what they were constantly amused by, happy giggles surrounded them even after long days. They were totally off limits but that didn't stop all the boys from thinking about them now and again. 

"Hey JK," she smiled sweetly, "I know we were just going to do casual wear today but your new suits just arrived. Do you want to get them all done now or do you have to be somewhere?"

Suit fitting day meant extra touching, she'd be running her hands over his chest and up his inseam. "Yeah we can get it done today, I don't mind spending some extra time with you." 

"Great! I'm just going to run downstairs and grab them from receiving, I'll be back up in a few minutes." Grabbing the rolling rack she pushed her way out the door. 

Casually looking around as he waited, he picked up the steamer and playfully shot it a few times. 

Just about to see how hot it would be on his face, he heard the distinct sound of Jimin's "Excuse me!" Puzzled, he looked around, he was still alone. Convinced he was hearing things he went back to the steamer, "Excuse me!" It was coming from a phone...her phone...sitting there unlocked. 

He knew he shouldn't look, he knew it was wrong, but when he heard "Excuse me!" again he had to look. 

✂️ Noona: I just finished with Yoongi.

✂️ Noona: Made him a blonde and fuck he looks good.

✂️ Noona: I wore a low cut blouse, caught the dirty boy looking 🤭

Jungkook's eyes got bigger in disbelief, the Noonas talked like this...about them? He couldn't resist, he figured he had about 5 mins before she'd be back. Quickly choosing select all text, he copied, plugged in his own number, pasted, sent and deleted his message once he'd heard his own notification go off. Setting her phone back down, the anticipation of reading the messages had him both nervous and excited. 

The door pushed open as she walked through it backwards tugging the rack inside of the room. "Your phone went off a few times while you were gone Noona," he said with big eyes. "Your notification threw me off a little, is Jimin your Bias?"

Her face went pale, that was the notification sound for her smutty Noona Group Chat, come to think of it he never really used the term Noona with her, what had he seen? 

"No Kookie, I'm definitely 0T7," she dismissively laughed.

He held his phone in his hand looking at the text that was begging to be read. "I uh, just got a message from Joon, emergency group meeting, I'm afraid we'll have to reschedule."

Taking his leave he headed straight back to his apartment, he couldn't wait to read these messages. 

___________________________________

Laying back on his couch he opened the message. The group chat was called BTS Noonas and it seemed it was between the 3 stylists heading each department.

👔 Clothes Noona ✂️ Hair Noona and 💄Makeup Noona

Licking his lips he was eager to read on. 

___________________________________

💄Noona: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I just found this online, I told you that outfit was an abomination! Even the fans are writing about it. 

J Hope Flight 18 @noona-la-la-la

✂️ Noona: Just happened to find that online huh? You were looking up Hobi smut, admit it. 

👔 Noona: Yes, I told him to wear it. No, I didn't tell him to wear it 2 days in a row without a shirt. 

👔 Noona: This story fits...I asked him why he wore it again and he couldn't give me an answer. He's such a player.

💄Noona: I'd join the mile high club with him. I've had way too many dirty thoughts on those long flights. 

✂️ Noona:  So since we're sitting here waiting for them to finish shooting what else can we find….?

💄 Noona: Alright, I'll admit it...I've got a few saved. You know what Jimin does to me…

Jimin Fuck, Marry or Kill @tayegi

👔  Noona: Ahhh, poor little Jimin ssi, always so insecure 💔

✂️ Noona: No way, he is always the one who hits on me the most. I bet he fucks like there's no tomorrow. 

💄Noona: Agree, when he wants something he gets super aggressive. But really FMK..answers please!

👔 Noona: Fuck Kookie, Marry Jin, Kill Jhope

✂️ Noona: Fuck Taehyung, Marry Yoongi, Kill Jin

💄Noona: Fuck Jimin, Marry Joon, Kill Jungkook

👔 Noona: So if Jimin is a switch let's talk about our little subs! I think we all agree on Yoongi and Jin?

Yoongi Sugar Plum Fairy Lights  @softyoongiionly

Jin A Bonding Experience @fortunexkookie

✂️ Noona: And Dom's, we don't all share the same preferences. What I wouldn't let Taehyung do to me….💦 That boy is a freak in the sheets GUARANTEED

Tae Fun And Games @gukslut

💄Noona: But we all know Joon would be a first class lover. 

RM Sexual Healing @honeymoonjin

👔 Noona: Is he though? He probably gets lucky by tripping and falling into some vagina. Not exactly as smooth in real life as in fiction.

✂️ Noona: OR are you just completely Jungkook biased? We all know what you're thinking when you're on your knees tailoring his pants. 

👔 Noona: I'm not going to deny it! I may have gasped out loud the first time I "accidently" grazed it. This one seems accurate...

Kookie Vaunt @yminie

👔 Noona: Jungkook keeps watching us, maybe we're having too much fun.

💄 Noona: How exactly are we supposed to keep working now? 

✂️ Noona: Break time is over ☹️ back to business. If you find any other good ones post later!

___________________________________

👔 Noona: Fitting with my baby 🐰 today!

✂️ Noona: I've got Yoongles for hair and my best lacy bra on. 

💄Noona: Fuck I've got nothing, have fun and report back. 

___________________________________

✂️ Noona: I just finished with Yoongi.

✂️ Noona: Made him a blonde and fuck he looks good.

✂️ Noona: I wore a low cut blouse, caught the dirty boy looking 🤭

___________________________________

Jungkook couldn't believe what he'd just read. It was hard to imagine that these dirty things were running through her head. He thought only guys said, and fantasized about things like this but he couldn't deny he was turned on. 

Clicking her contact name he sent a message.

JK:  I'm sorry for having to leave earlier, can we try again tomorrow?

👔 Noona: Absolutely, I hope everything is ok?

JK: Never better, see you soon.

Jungkook came in smiling, knowing how she felt, he could flirt without repercussions. Passing him his first outfit he let his hand intentionally linger against her arm while taking the hanger. 

"I'm worried they may be too tight," he let his hand fall over his crotch and he adjusted himself, 'Yeah, it might not fit."

He could see the thoughts running through her head as he used the same words from the story she had shared. A small grin formed on her lips and a blush creeped over her cheeks. 

Getting on her knees to check the hem she worked her hand up his thigh, "Do you have enough room?" She looked up at him directly from her spot between his legs. 

He grabbed her hand, "Don't you want to feel how big it is Noona?" 

As she nodded he placed her hand over his bulge, "All you had to do was ask."

Virgin Jungkook Recs - My Laptop Died So I Used Yours

Taehyung Smut Recs - I Found Your Tumblr

[catrasredemption-moved]

That whole "an abusive mother shouldn't be seen as a mother figure" sitting not well with me.

So can you elaborate on that and not make it super invalidating to people abused by foster/adoptive/psuedo paternql figures?

This feels like a trap, but sure. Buckle up, we’re going back to my childhood.

(this is long, contains emotional/mental abuse, alcohol and drug references, and is just plain unpleasant)

I was emotionally/mentally abused by my mother and stepfather for pretty much my entire life. I was an oops baby, and my bio dad at least had the self awareness to check out my life early because he knew he’d never be a good father (yes, I give him some twisted credit for that, because at least he was honest). My mom was kind of... I don’t want to say forced to keep me, but her family was very insistent. I don’t think she would have gotten an abortion anyway (put aside that this was 1991), but things might have been different if she’d just been allowed to go the same route as my father. Her parents pretty much raised me for six years, partially because she had a full-time job, and partially because she just had no clue what she was doing. And I think having her parents as a crutch for so long definitely limited her.

And then she met Paul. Twenty years older than her, didn’t even have a toaster to his name, alcoholic, drug addict. I was six, so obviously this all went over my head, but my mother’s parents did not like him (something I didn’t find out until years after they both died). My mom was 27 at the time, and I don’t know if she just thought no one else would want her because she was a single mother, if she was just desperate, or maybe she really was attracted to him, but she started dating him. I don’t remember everything that led up to the Breaking Point, because this was 23 years ago, but I remember the specific night - she was on the phone with Paul, and I kept saying I was hungry. I forget what she made, but it was something I’d eaten before and suddenly decided I didn’t like (as children do sometimes), so I was upset.

At this point my grandmother or grandfather would usually step in and just make me something else. Instead my grandfather went upstairs and told her to get off the phone and deal with it. Was I being a little bratty? Yeah, probably. Should my grandparents have just dealt with it? No, that was my mother’s job. Even if it just meant coming downstairs and making me eat the Thing. But she didn’t want to get off the phone (this was 1997, people still talked on phones. Weird, right?)

One huge fight later, my mother put me in her car and drove me 20 minutes to another city to stay with Paul and his roommate. I didn’t see my grandparents for three days. That’s when they learned they had to play nice with Paul or my mother would actually take me away.

We moved in with Paul, after they’d been dating for three whole months. My mother upended both of our lives, including making me transfer to another school after first grade, for a guy she’d been dating for three months. A guy she knew had substance abuse problems. A guy who, when home alone during the day, would sit out in the living room and watch porn (and one time watched it in my room, which? I was eight, I very vaguely remember walking into the apartment, my mother immediately grabbing me and pushing me back into the hall while saying “get that shit off her TV.”)

Some very fucked up things happened over the next twelve years, some I still haven’t told anyone about (including my wife), and some that were just wrong in retrospect. Common occurrences included (some of this might be considered lowkey sexual abuse? I’ve never thought about it that way, but my perspective is skewered af):

Telling me to turn sideways so he could see how I was “developing” (this started at 10)

Inappropriate comments about my weight and how I eat too much (starting around 8 or 9)

Wildly gross and sexual comments about my body (starting around 13)

Coming into my room while drunk and asking for a hug, then holding me for too long and lowkey groping (starting around 13 or 14)

Calling me a whiny bitch (starting around 8)

Yelling at me for eating food, especially if I finished something, because I didn’t pay for the food so why should I get to eat it all (starting around 15)

Yelling at me for daring to go out into the living room and talk to my mother while they were watching TV (pretty much the entire time I lived with them)

Telling me my mother used to have “a great body” before she got sick and lost a ton of weight (I don’t remember when exactly that started, but the sickness in question happened when I was 7)

Trying to tell me about how he and mother were getting hot and heavy while I was at school (high school; one of the only times my mother actually told him to shut the fuck up)

Enjoyed calling me stupid and calling me an idiot and other things that were entirely damaging to my self esteem

Straight up saying, after seven years of my mother insisting we were family, that I wasn’t his daughter and I never would be (13)

Inappropriate comments while drunk, to the point where I knew when he’d be drunk (because it was always pay day), and me arranging to be out of the house for a couple of days just so I wouldn’t have to be there (high school; I went to my aunt’s, and eventually she started figuring out a pattern and asking me what was going on. I was 16 when she finally realized I hate Paul as much as she does)

...to name a few things. And my mother? Knew about all of this. And sure, she tried to stick up for me once or twice, like about the food thing, but even that came with the caveat of “maybe you should stop eating so much.” (before anyone asks, yes, I’m slightly overweight, and this was some grade A body shaming). But for the most part, she enabled him. And when he told me to stop being sensitive and it was “just a joke”? She sided with him and told me to stop “whining” (whining being “trying to defend myself”). She took his side about 95% of the time, while still insisting that he was my father, because he was there and he was helping “raise” me. They’ve been together for 23 years, and she’s basically chosen him over me at this point (because I chose to get the fuck out of the house and take a job in a state 300 miles away just to escape that hell). We actually got into a huge fight about him back in June because I didn’t call to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. He has never met my wife (whom he referred to as my “friend”, and my mother saw nothing wrong with that, then got mad when I tried to say “what if I called him your roommate”), he was not invited to our wedding, and we had a fight last Christmas when I went back to visit and straight up said he wasn’t allowed to visit our hotel (because I never want him to meet my wife).

Do I consider her my mother? ...sure, in the absolute vaguest sense of the word. She made sure I made it from birth to 18, kept me clothed and fed and a roof over my head (while constantly reminding me about how much it cost to raise a kid.)

Do I consider him my father? Fuck. No. I left the house for college when I was 18, moved out when I was 22, have had three therapists, been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and probable PTSD, have gathered a small group of my own found family, and I still carry a lot of shit from that time in my life. I hate showing my body in any way, and tend to wear shirts that are, oh, 2-3 sizes too big. I hate eating “too much”, despite the fact that a) my wife doesn’t care if I finish something and b) I help pay for the fucking food. I get extremely anxious when I try to correct someone about something (like my pronouns), because I’m afraid they’re going to yell at me and tell me to stop being sensitive. My self esteem is still basically at rock bottom, to the point where I don’t believe people sometimes when they say they like my writing. I flinch when people try to touch me (that’s getting better, though).

I can’t even give him the bare minimum credit I give my mother, because he actively hindered my attempts to grow up and move on from the shit he put me through. He was, and still is, a terrible person, and the idea of him being my father makes me sick. I give more credit to by bio father (you know, the one who walked out because he knew he wouldn’t be a good father), because he’s at least made a few half-ass attempts throughout my life to show he cares (and in a way, I think he does, he just knew he wouldn’t be a good father). Paul, though? Paul could die tomorrow and I... I can’t say I wouldn’t care at all, just because he has had such a presence in my life, but I wouldn’t miss him.

If you have an abusive parental figure (be it bio/step/foster/adoptive/etc.), and you consider them your parent, then that’s you, and I don’t judge. But Paul, no matter what my mother says, will never be my father in any way. He actively made me afraid to exist or be in my own home. He left scars so deep that I don’t think I’ll ever totally move on from some of it. I need people to remind me that nothing he did was okay or normal, and that my mother wasn’t right for allowing it.

So basically, I have a lot of experience to back up why I don’t think abusive parents should be considered parental figures. Parents are supposed to help you grow and care about you and want you to succeed. Paul did none of those things. He continues to be an active roadblock in my life, as a matter of fact. And I refuse to feel bad about not considering him a parental figure.

[darkhymns-fic]

On a Night of Snow and Wine

On New Year's Eve, Lloyd and Colette stop at Flanoir, having no time to visit anywhere else and just quietly usher in the year that would come… Until wine is involved.

When it comes to alcohol, Lloyd was a lightweight. And sometimes, feelings can just slip out.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel Rating: G Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: Technically my last fic for 2020! Thanks for sticking with me this year.

--

The last time Lloyd had been tipsy was when he had been 12 years old, unsupervised, and much too full of confidence for his own good. His father’s ale cabinet had been thoroughly locked up, hidden away in a storage room full of spices and herbs. Sometimes he'd see Dirk get a small mug, bringing with it full of something frothy and dirt-colored. 

So of course, he had been instantly curious.

Lloyd had already been practicing his lockpicking, and it was only a matter of hours before he finally got to the contents. He didn't exactly understand why it said ‘spirits’ on the bottle in Dwarven script, but he wanted to try it anyway. After all, he was supposed to learn all the Dwarven things from his dad, so why not this?

Dirk came home from log-cutting to find his son passed out on the wooden floors, the one bottle he had taken barely half-drunk. The Dwarven Vows he had to learn that night had been particularly ancient, with their meanings convoluted and making his head hurt. He of course forget them the very next day. Re-learning them wasn't any easier.

So, it just seemed only a bit similar, when the inn sent him and Colette some wine to their room for the night, a complimentary gift in celebration of the new year. Flanoir was once again blanketed in snow, the lampposts softly lighting up the steeple of the cathedral nearby, making the white seem so much brighter than before. 

"Oh, for us?" Lloyd asked, as Colette handed over the bottle to him that the innkeeper had personally given. "It looks so fancy! And...we're actually not paying for it?" Lloyd would never say no to some free stuff!

The wine bottle had a name printed on it that Lloyd only vaguely recognized. (Did it say 'Altamira' on it?) The liquid in it was a deep red, one that caught the light of the magi-technology lamps nearby. The iron heater that stood in the corner of their room gave off enough warmth to stave off the cold, even if it made him somewhat sleepy.

"They were so nice to give it to us!" Colette occasionally blew into her hands, barely seen mist appearing in the air as she did so. Next to her, their cloaks lay on the backs of chairs, placed as close to the heater as possible. Her cheeks were a flushed red, the cold getting to her - but her smile was so wide, he didn't think he'd seen her this happy recently. 

"Yeah. I guess we have some cups around here…" Lloyd was hesitant though, worried the last time he had drank anything. This was alcohol, wasn't it? Maybe I shouldn't…

"Oh, that's okay, Lloyd. I know I shouldn't drink."

The sureness in her voice was surprising. Too sure. The kind of sureness that Lloyd knew she was covering something else up. "Huh? Why shouldn't you? We're old enough now! Or uh, close enough!" They missed the mark by a few years, but at 18, he felt Colette was allowed at least a sip of wine!

Colette's once bright smile dimmed a bit, clasping those chilly hands of her together. "I was just taught that I shouldn't, you know? It might make me too silly… A Chosen can't-" she stopped, pausing on the word and sighing. "Sorry."

Lloyd instantly saw the problem.

With a flourish, Lloyd went to the glass cups that were set for them on a nearby table, quickly handing one to Colette. "Well now you definitely are!"

"Oh? It's okay, really! I shouldn't have to-"

"Colette, you're not a Chosen, remember? We've been over this." He said so as he struggled to pull out the cork in the wine bottle, even going so far as to plant his foot on a chair to give him more force (and height?) "No matter what people still call you, no matter what anyone says. You're Colette! And you're allowed to do what you want- Ah!" Lloyd finally freed the cork which flew through the air, hitting him square in the forehead. "Ow…"

Colette gasped, but also let slip out a small giggle, the sound soft and airy within the warm inn room. The fire in the heater next to them crackled, warm light illuminating the floors beneath them. "Lloyd…"

"Come on, gimme your cup! We're drinking!" He couldn't help but notice how Zelos-like he sounded, but he hoped it wasn't too weird. "We've worked hard all year for the Exspheres, so it's fine!"

"Mm...okay!" Colette eagerly held out her cup, watching as Lloyd carefully poured the wine into it. The drink sloshed dangerously to the rim, but she adjusted her hold to not spill a drop. She had gotten less clumsy over the years. 

Lloyd remembered when he had simply drunk straight out of the bottle from Dirk's brewery cabinet, and the gruff voice that had pierced his foggy dreams in his hangover. Not this time though! Lloyd figured it was because he didn't drink it out of a cup like he was supposed to. 

Once done, the wine bottle was half-empty, set back down on the table. The glass reflected the falling snow outside, as well as the lights of others that walked past, celebrating the evening with a soft stillness that could only be found here in this snowy place. 

Lloyd grinned, held his cup up and encouraged Colette to do the same. "It does smell kind of weird but it probably tastes okay!"

Colette mimicked him, standing tall, and holding her cup to his, their glass surfaces clinking against the other. "Hehe. Should we share ours? I heard that's what you're supposed to do."

"Oh really? Let's do that!" Lloyd barely questioned it, bringing his own glass to her mouth, watching the way her breath misted in the air. But less now, since it was getting warmer in this room, and so comfortable too. "This works?"

"Yeah! I'll try not to spill!" Even as her very own laughter threatened that, even as her very own feet was close to tripping over his. Their boots were still wet from walking in the knee-deep snow outside, noses numb from the chilly breeze, from the white flakes in the air. But again, he had never seen her happier.

Besides, just one drink shouldn't mess him up too much, should it?

Even as Colette nearly misjudged the angle of her cup against his lips, Lloyd adapted. The wine was warm, a little tingly, and it didn't taste as yummy as he had hoped. But it was so warm, and he could only imagine how Colette must have felt that warmth, contrasting the chill against her cheeks.

He should have been more worried about him messing up, angling the cup too far to let some wine slip down her chin. "Uh oh! Sorry!"

"Ah! L-Lloyd!" Her laughter was light, and she used her free hand to grip his shoulder, fingers creasing the rough fabric of his jacket. 

"Don't worry though, it's free anyway!" And he started to laugh too, just a small chuckle, one that morphed like the slow build of a thunderstorm. But the drink made his chest feel light, and that same warmth traveled all the way down his arms and legs, even to the very tips of his ears. "This stuff … it's pretty good!"

Oh, maybe just even one sip for him was already too much…

"It is good! But, are you okay, Lloyd?" Colette tilted her head, so full of curiosity, as she always was with everything. "You're moving your feet a lot."

"I am?" Lloyd looked down, and what do you know? His feet kept shuffling around a bit, as if he was trying to dance! That was pretty weird. 

"Haha, weird!" And as he looked down, he nearly upended his drink, and doing so as if he was stuck in water, his movements stretched out. 

"Oh, careful!" Colette had to gently take Lloyd's cup from his hand, while also pulling her own back. "Heh, now you're being a bit silly…"

"That bad?" he asked, half-serious. "I wanna be cool, not silly!" But he could hear it in his voice. He was definitely being silly, maybe more than silly. The same familiar fog, pleasant and nice, so nice that he could almost fall asleep to it…

But he didn't sleep. He only kept looking at Colette, who seemed a little giddy herself, though just by a little bit. "You're still really cool, Lloyd."

"I am?" And again, another chuckle left him, tickling his sides. It felt different when she called him cool, even now. It made his heart leap across miles and miles. "I guess I'm also silly too…"

"That's right," Colette said. She took his hands in her own, swaying along with him, as if what he was doing was the most amazing thing and she also wanted to try. "You can be both!"

She still laughed so freely, like she always had. Except...more now. Years before, he'd felt that she would hold back, keeping her voice from being too loud, or holding her hands so close to herself, as if trying to be as small as possible. Sometimes, he'd see her go back to that, to old habits and routines, to all those proper ways of being a Chosen - to be more Chosen-like, like he once said to her.

The room was a bit spinny, and the warmth in his limbs, in his chest, now made it to his head, as if he was being wrapped in a fluffy blanket. It shouldn't be normal to get drunk this fast, should it…?

Oh. That's what Dirk had said to him all those years ago. "Lad, how'd you go and get yourself drunk?" Dirk had been so peeved that his thick accent had slipped, making his words nigh-unintelligible to Lloyd's ears then. 

He was drunk now, and he was falling, almost. Colette still held onto his hands, keeping him steady. He heard the concern there, just as her words trailed through the air. "Lloyd..?"

Even three years later, Colette was still Colette.

Lloyd reached out, arms encircling her close. "Hm...maybe tired. Maybe…" And her arms wrapped around his shoulders, the way she would on those cold nights outside, when their campfire would slowly dim, and they had to find the warmth wherever they could.

"Aw, but it's not even midnight yet." Her sadness was mostly feigned, but there was a hint of it there, just enough. "If you really wanted to sleep, we can."

It was getting too easy to fall asleep, to want that soft fuzziness in his head to surround him completely. But could he resist it? "Hmm...but… it's not midnight yet, you're right! Gotta wake up.. and not have the room spin.."

"Oh, Lloyd." Colette placed a hand over his head, fingers threading through his hair, tangles unfurling at her very touch. Too relaxing, but he didn't want to mention that. "Maybe we should have water to balance out the wine?"

"Mmhmm.." he nodded, but his gaze was caught by the way Colette's hair was framed by the window. Snowflakes continued to drizzle outside, on Flanoir where it was eternally winter. Even in Iselia, snow was so rare, he had mainly just heard of it in class when he could care to pay attention.

Outside it looked so cold still, not unlike the warmth inside, with the heater next to them, and Colette's arms around him like the softest scarf...

Lloyd picked his head up immediately, standing straight. Wait, he knew how to solve this! "We should go outside. Yeah! And…wait… we should go flying! Right now!"

Colette's hand paused in the middle of her hair-stroking, making part of Lloyd a little sad at it's absence. "Are you sure? We just got inside!" Another small space between breaths, spoken carefully. "And your wings…" 

He knew what she meant, deep in the back of his head, in the part where it wasn't drowned out by wine and the dizzying heat he felt when Colette looked at him just so. What he felt for her was solid and real - and so unlike his wings at all. He had rarely used them since the first time, unsure about their reliability. A Rheiard was solid, and his very own feet were more dependable. Heck, even Noishe he could trust to get to where he needed to be.

But sometimes you needed to take a risk, didn't you?

With a grin, he leaned in to kiss Colette, fast and full of rushing feelings that threatened to completely overwhelm him. But in a good way, where his heart was beating so hard and flushing warmth and energy all throughout his body. Colette only made a small little sound of surprise, one felt against his lips before she kissed him back.

It wasn't the first time they had ever kissed, and Lloyd couldn't imagine a time there could be a last. It felt like everything, wrapped into one, his heart so full he was sure it would overflow.

He had felt like this before; something so close to desperation that he would do anything at all to keep it near him. All of it had built, and he had to do something with that intense feeling, to keep it as steady as Colette would do for him.

He leaned back, even as he was reluctant to leave her mouth. Her lips were half-parted, and the mist of her breath was still there, ephemeral like the steam of a hot drink. It made him want to lean again and swallow it up, to take that heat within him.

But he also saw the reflection of a bright blue in her eyes. "Lloyd!"

With that, he knew. Grinning wide, Lloyd reached to open up the window of their inn room. Cold wind rushed forth, instantly waking him up and be grateful for the pricks of ice he felt at his cheeks. "Let's go!"

Behind him, his wings stretched, floating motes of sapphire sprinkling out into the air, dancing with the snowflakes that drifted inside. Colette's hair whipped around her, but she was laughing and smiling too. "Now you really are being silly!"

"I know!" Lloyd grabbed Colette by the hand, one foot already on the windowsill and leading her out. "Let's keep flying until it's the new year!"

"But how will we know?" Yet that didn't stop Colette from following him, already leaning out the window with Lloyd, thin spans of pink leaving her back. 

"Uh...we can guess!" And he didn't want to wait, he didn't want this feeling to end, so he took both her hands, stretched forth his wings, and soared out into the sky with her.

Flanoir was always so deeply covered in snow, and only a few times had he seen it from above in a Rheiard. The city looked like an array of little dollhouses, like the kind his dad would sometimes make for certain commissions. But that was always way high up, not like now, where their wingtips brushed across rooftops, and where they could hear the crunch of snow from people down below.

The air was so cold, and without their cloaks, they were exposed even more to the elements, the snow already damping his hair and jacket. His smile must have been frozen on his face. Maybe even their locked hands were frozen too! 

Colette only held on tighter, not seeming to mind at all. "It's still so cold!" 

"But it's good, isn't it?" Lloyd could only remember that one moment from her, on the way the snow had fallen on her hair, on how she reached out to catch them until they melted against her palm. Though maybe it felt different to having the snow fly against your face instead. 

If other people had noticed them- and how could they not, with the way they laughed and shouted while flying high like excitable birds - he didn't mind. He couldn't, because even as they flew, he could only grasp the joy on her face, on how tightly she gripped his fingers, and how her wings made a pink pattern against the night sky.

...They didn't fly long before Colette pointed out to him. "Look out, Lloyd!"

"Uh!" His wings beat again, making small blizzards around themselves. He swerved around the steeple he had nearly crashed into, feet stumbling onto a snow-and-ice covered roof. 

Then promptly, he fell right on his butt. And then just as promptly, Colette fell right on him, a mass of limbs and wings.

The snow continued to fall, and the air was still so very cold. Lloyd looked up into the night sky, right through the top foremost shape of Colette's right wing. "...Is it midnight yet?" Oh, he was going back to feeling tired.

"Ehe…" Colette giggled softly, sitting up, her cheeks so red, her hair a little ruffled. "There's a clock on one of these buildings. I don't think we're on it though."

Too hard to read clocks...too hard to move. The snow made a nice pillow, in a way.

"Should be able to tell by the stars up there…" he muttered, head laying back on the roof, unmindful to how much snow was sneaking into his jacket collar. "I bet it's already really close."

"Yeah," Colette agreed, her hands reaching out to his face, cold palms pressed against his equally cold cheeks. She was quick to connect with him this way, the natural motion never questioned, never unwanted. "And when it's passed, it means I got to spend a whole year with you."

Lloyd knew then why he felt this way, the sudden rush, the sudden desperation that made him kiss her so deeply and take her flying up into the sky, on wings that he only relied on when he had no choice left.

There was a time when Colette was not supposed to live this long. Still the years kept on growing, and still she was here.

"You always will, Colette," he told her, leaning into her touch. "For a lot more years. A lot more." It was the one real fear he had, but her cold palms that turned warm at the touch of his skin, and the wings that kept her slightly afloat, were all things that were a part of her, all still here. 

Maybe, she remembered too, because her eyes brightened then, catching both violet and azure. Or maybe, it was the wine finally catching up to her, finally unlocking all the little things inside that filled her chest, close to overflowing.

"You promise I will?" she asked him, voice soft. That I can stay by your side?

Lloyd reached out to her, pulled her down, both of them so, so warm against the cold. "I promise."

So strange, to feel so light yet so heavy, to feel the heat in one's skin and yet also a deep chill. But his shiver as he kissed her again, on a slope of a snowy rooftop, was one of warmth instead. The steeple of the church was engraved against the sky, but the stars outnumbered it by so much. 

Their clothes were soaked, and even his wings ached a little. But Colette was all around him and that was enough. I promise you'll stay with me, for every year.

[lamburrito]

Made up fic: Miles Away

Thank you for the ask!

I can give you two ideas for that!

1) Star Trek AOS: Leonard & Joanna (maybe also involving or ending with McKirk but not necessarily)

Jo missed her father. She was young but she still understood that the divorce was probably for the best, her parents had only argued all the time

Still, she wanted to spend time with her father. But her mother told her that after the divorce he was in a "bad and dark place" and it was better for her to "not see him like this." "He isn't the father you used to know."

Even though Jo still wanted to reach out, hoping maybe she could help her dad she didn't have a way to do so without her mother's allowance.

Then one day her mom told her that her dad joined Starfleet

It made Jo excited on one hand because space was so interesting and cool but sad on the other hand because it meant her dad was now even father away. Would she even ever see her again?

Meanwhile Leonard slowly gets better, drinking himself less in a comatose state, learning something new (but also still acing most of his tests) and being friends with Jim Kirk of all people also helps.

However he would never forget his beloved daughter. It frustrates him that Jocelyn barley let's him talk to her. He isn't even sure if the presents he sends reach Jo

The few times he manages to have a video call with Jo, they are short and his daughter always looks kind of...sad.

It only depressed Leonard even more.

He know having stayed close and not being so far away wouldn't change Jocelyn's behaviour much and he certainly just couldn't go there and visit Jo, that would only upset Jocelyn and who knows, maybe then she wouldn't let him see Jo at all.

Jim is a silent observer of the situation. Sometimes comforting Leonard as good as he can. Still, he thinks a father and a daughter that love each other so much shouldn't be constantly so many miles away from each other.

That's why he begins to plan how to arrange a meeting.

2) The Witcher: Geraskier

Like every year Geralt and Jaskier part for the Winter.

Jaskier goes to a court for most of the time, shares the bed with a few people. But most importantly, unbeknownst to him, with a girlfriend of a sorceress

Said Sorceress of course curses Jaskier. The curse: He will never (again) be able to get close to his true love/his soulmate, he has to stay a few miles away.

Spring comes and the Witchers go on the path again. Geralt already wondering how many weeks it will take until he meets Jaskier again.

However, several weeks pass and no sign of Jaskier. Well, that was wrong, Geralt came into villages were people talked about the bard but it seemed like Jaskier always left the village only one or two hours before Geralt reached it.

Of course, Geralt knew, Jaskier couldn't possibly know he was coming, still it felt as if the bard was avoiding him and that...hurt.

Yes, Geralt had grown fond of the bard and even though he wasn't yet ready to admit it out loud he was already missing him.

Still, he had known this day would come. That Jaskier would grow bored of him. That Jaskier would find a better companion to travel with, a better muse. A better friend.

Meanwhile, Jaskier was very sure who he was unwillingly avoiding because of the curse. He actually had feared it when the Sorceress spoke the words. But he hadn't dared to think about it too much. Because Geralt his true love? That would mean the Witcher also had feelings for him, right?

While that normally would make him very happy, Jaskier hated that he had to find out like this.

Still, he had to find a solution for this. As quickly as possible.

But he obviously couldn't ask Geralt for help and the only other option he saw was... Yennefer.

While Jaskier was sure he would never hear the end of it from her he saw no better way.

(Send me a made up fic title and I'll tell you what I would write for it)

@bunnygeneral @weresilver-in-space (Because I always share my ideas with you)

[sigyn-loves-loki]

SACRIFICE

This is a story of the Vanir witches who lived in the northern lands of Midguard. It has been hundreds of years since the nine realms was created. Their lord, as like the other Midguardians, was the Supreme Protector Odin, whom they all worshiped and offered their wealth, sacrifices and food to. King Odin, who was the King of all Gods, blessed them in return of their offerings.

It was a rule among the Vanir people, that their leader will always be a witch who has sacrificed years and years on gaining immense knowledge of witchcraft and the working of the universe where they existed. And so after her mother, Freya was choosen the Queen of the Vanir. Hence it was a sure thing that all the Vanir people knows that after Queen Freya, her only daughter Sigyn will become the Queen of the Vanir.

But there was only one problem and that problem was bigger than anything else in whole of Midguard. When all her people and her mother went to Odin's temple to worship him and offer him food and wealth, she choose to worship the other son of Odin, the one imfamous son, known for his mischiefs among the nine realms and his frost giant blood. The little princess Sigyn, choose to worship Loki, the God Of Mischief.

Her prayers and hyms soon turned into her deeper knowledge of the dark arts and of magic beyond the capibilty of regular Vanir witches. She slowly transformed into a more stronger and a more cleverer witch that went beyond her control. Her mother when came to know of her daughter's such ill behaviour, she locked her in dungeons and kept the word from spreading in the nine realms. No one can worship Loki, no one can take his name. He, as told by the myths, was the evil brother of Thor, the other son of Odin who had Frost Giant blood in his veins and blue skin with horns as big as tree branches. Anyone who would come under the sight of Loki, will inherit bad luck and extreme suffering.

"The people of Vanir shouldn't know that my daughter, my very own daughter is worshiping the wrong God.", thought Queen Freya as she locked Sigyn in the dark dungeons.

But that didn't stop the little witch from continuing on her worshipings. In that dark, dark dungeons, that was kept miles under the crust of Earth, she offered her soul to Lord Loki, and in return, she asked only one thing, "I want you to accept my love for you, my lord. I am offering you my heart and soul. Take me as I am and I shall do whatever you ask me to do. I shall be your slave, I shall serve you and your order shall be the only words I will hear, your feet will be the only place I shall stay. And in return of all these, I want you to give me your love."

A month passed inside that dungeon, but Loki never came to Midguard, neither did he make her his wife. But after that last chanting of the mantra, tremendous light came in that dungeon from nowhere and Sigyn's heart started burning. She was finally blessed by the Gods and she became the strongest Witch to ever exist. She broke out of the dark dungeons and came brusting through the cores of the Earth to reveal her true self as the Golden Witch to all the Vanir people.

All the people now came to know the secret of the Vanir Princess. They all got scared and Sigyn was verdicted to be burned in the rituals of Witch Burning. Her mother, even though her heart burned as she accepted the verdict, she procecuted the law and tied her daughter in the oldest tree of their land with a rope blessed by King Odin that was made in old tes to tie up the Frost Giants. All the other high powerful witches surrounded Sigyn and chanted verses in old norns.

Sigyn cried loudly, she shouted, begged forgiveness to her mother, but no one listened. Their verses burned like acid on the golden skin of the young witch. And she cried with all her breath left inside of her. After some time, the chanting stopped and everything became quiet. Sigyn opened her eyes and looked at her surroundings and saw that the witches has now started to circle around her with woods and planks. The last fire was lighted by the Queen. She took the plank and walked the couple of steps towards her daughter.

"Please mother, forgive me. I will not do it again. I promise I will be good. I will listen to you." Sigyn cried.

"No you won't. You have given your soul to him and this is what happens when you make a pact with the devil." Queen Freya replied and lighted the woods at the feet of her only daughter. She walked back and tried to look at the face of crying Sigyn whose skin burned with every flake of fire that touched her.

Right at that moment something huge fell from the sky. Everyone looked at the object with wonder and more fear. No one noticed that the fire from Sigyn's woods had ceased. Slowly, the object took shape as it stood up. He had large wings, red eyes and dark, blue skin, along with large horns on his head. He was taller than Gods but smaller than Giants. As he kept his steps on the ground, he turned his gaze back towards the little witch tied by the tree. Their eyes locked and a secret pact was shared between them. No one said, but everyone knew who he was.

He looked around him with a playful gaze and took small steps along the line of the witches. With each step, the grass grew black and ground transformed into frost. With a chaste smile on his face, he turned towards the Queen and said, "I am Loki, God of Mischief, Prince of Asgard, King of Johtunhiem, Odinson. And I restrict you from burning this witch."

The Queen looked up from her bowed head and said "Please, Lord Loki. Leave my daughter. Your curse is the reason why she has been executed to be killed. We worship King Odin and not you."

"My curse?" he scoffed, "Your daughter offered me her soul, and her heart," he looked at Sigyn as he said this, "and that makes me her protector. Now you all shall leave before I actually curse you all."

"We are not afraid of you, trickster." She said and pulled her shaft out from under her cloack. All the other witches follwed.

Loki's smile grew on his blue face. The trickster God extended both his long hands infront of him as green magic started forming in it. As the witches casted spells against him, he remained quiet and brought his septer in his left hand. His magic took form and created a hemispheric dome just before bursting and killing all the witches, except Sigyn's mother.

Queen Freya fell on the ground as her thoart hurt because of Loki's curse. She took all her strength to say "Odin will not be happy for what you did today. You are killing his worshipers."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT ODIN THINKS." Loki shouted. He was out of his patience and his playful behaviour. The mention of Odin always did this to him. "Queen Freya, I shall leave you alive, for the sake of your daughter and your people. Go and tell Odin what I have done. I comand you to do your best and I shall see how far you Vanir can go."

With this, Freya left the forest, leaving behind Loki and her tied daughter.

Sigyn hasn't talked all this time. She didn't know what to say. Her prayers, her wishes has finally come true, or maybe partially true. Because Loki has come to Midguard, yes, but will he love her the way she does. She knows she has fallen in love with the devil, but will the devil accept her with all his heart?

Loki now turned to Sigyn. This is the first time that a God has visited Midguard to save their disciple. Loki, in his Johtun form, stood infront of his only follower and disciple, who is immensely in love with him.

He slowly took his step towards her, the ground turning into frost with all his steps. As he came close, he lifted his long fingers and with a green light the ropes that tied Sigyn tore off her body and Sigyn fell on the ground, standing on her feet. At first she hesitated, not knowing how to react. But then she took steps towards her lover as she came down the dice and fell to his feet, with her head bowed.

Loki's long fingers found Sigyn's chin and lifted her face upwards so that he shall face him completely.

"Get up, my little witch. Your place is not at my feet, but beside me. I have seen your devotion towards me, I have felt your love. I have touched your heart when you chanted your prayers in the dark dungeons. I know you. I know your love. Sigyn Iwaldidottir, I Loki Odinson, shall take you as my lover and my wife, if you shall come with me to Asgard and Johtunhiem to take your rightful place beside me, your husband, King Loki."

With this, Sigyn stood up and said "My lord, my only wish is to gain your love. I don't want to be a Queen. I just want to be your wife."

"I love you with all my heart, my darling little princess." Loki smiled at her. He held her face with his hands and brought her lips towards his and kissed her. And then Loki took Sigyn to the land of Asgard.