#how many people have you heard saying they don't want children because it seems cruel or irresponsible

[mayasaura]

I just want to talk about the nursery being painted and the purpose of the Tomb to be without a door. Anastasia had a family - and putting to the side the pact with Alecto there's some implicit symbolism to John asking for the workers of the Ninth to die constructing the Tomb with that image of new life. (Still can't articulate my disbelief that he went and didn't think that asking Anastasia of all people, The one who lost her cavalier to him, would have problems)

Yeah. Especially finding this out about the Ninth, where nurseries becoming tombs is a thing we're sensitive about.

On one level we've always known Anastasia had a family. Like, we know she's Harrow's direct ancestor. You can't be heir to the line of someone who never had children. But the nursery.... Yeah. It really hammers it in. Her friends painted a nursery mint green for her children.

And now it's a tomb.

[fanttasttica]

Male in the fox's mask

Eris x reader

You are betrothed to Eris, who was crowned as the High lord of the Autumn court recently. You don't know why he had chosen you and you are also mad at him. He made you feel like you were a cow for sale, so the night before your wedding, you decide to find someone, with whom you can lose your innocence. Will you get away with it? 

warnings: smut

words: 3731

“This is a very bad idea and you know that.. I know that” You said to your friend probably for the tenth time this night, as she dragged you to one bar, where you definitely shouldn't be going. “Oh come on, Y/N.. For the last few weeks we were talking about this, planning this and now you want to run? If you truly wish to return to your home, we can, but this is your last chance to do this. Decide carefully.” She put her hands on her hips, waiting impatiently for your answer. You thought about it once more. Maybe you really should return, this was too risky and the consequences could be deadly for you. There is a possibility that your family could somehow find out what you did and they could disown you. Well.. that was a better scenario. You heard a story about Morrigan, who did something similar like you were planning and you also knew what her family did to her. Your family was similar to them, so you wouldn't end up better, probably. And Eris would be also mad, it would be humiliating for him, to have not one, but two fiances, who decided to lose their virginities before the wedding, with some other male, but on the other hand.. You wanted this, maybe it was some sort of rebellion, since you had no say in this matter. Eris asked your father for your hand, the very next day he was crowned as High lord of the Autumn court and your father happily agreed. You still didnt know why Eris asked for you in the first place, you spoke to him a few times and you didn't have a nice time with him. He seemed cruel, like his father. He obviously liked mocking you and his eyes were watching you like prey, like a fox watching helpless rabbit before catching and eating him. You could forgive him all that, well after some time. Right now, you were mad too much. He made you feel like a cow for sale, like your only purpose was to be an obedient wife and birth as many children as possible. You clenched your fists. “No.. Let's go inside.” You were determined to go through with it to the end. Your friend smiled at you “As I thought.. Now, come, we shouldn't waste any more time.”

This bar was overcrowded, music was playing out loud, and you were sure that waking up tomorrow will be very challenging, since your head was already throbbing. “Now, what should I do?” you raised your voice, because there was no way that your friend would hear you if you continued whispering like outside. “We should go dancing. There are a lot of single males, who will surely come to you and try to seduce you. Don't worry, we will find someone you can fuck tonight.” She laughed happily and you followed her into the middle of the dancing floor. Of course you were teached how to dance, but this was something new to you. At first, you weren't sure how to move, but after a while, music got into you and you started to enjoy this. “Okay, I am really glad we are here, it's way more fun than in the court..” You admitted. “Yeah, it is. But don't forget the real reason why we came here and try to concentrate for a while. Is there someone who caught your eyes?” You looked around yourself, lights were not very bright, so you couldn't see the faces of people next to you so clearly, but you tried. You wanted to find someone tonight. You wanted to sleep with some male, so you could lose your innocence tonight. Your wedding was tomorrow and with it also your wedding night. You were supposed to save yourself for Eris, but you didn't want to give him the pleasure of taking your virginity, that's the reason why you were so determined to have sex with almost anyone tonight. As you were observing the room, you catched some male, who was looking at you from the other side of the room. He was tall, leaning to the bar as he watched you with a drink in his hand. What was weird is that his face was covered by a mask, representing a fox. You couldn't see the color of his eyes, but you felt them on your body. You were wearing a red dress, which were very tight on your body and were complimenting your curves. You bit your lips and turned to your friends. “Do you see that male in the fox's mask? He is standing next to a bar.” She looked over your shoulder, grinning at you. “I see a male in the fox's mask currently walking towards you.” Your eyes widened as you suddenly felt the male's chest pressed lightly to your back. Warm, that almost made you moan, was coming from him. He hadn't said anything to you, but you still felt the urge to please him and do everything for him. “I will not disturb you..” Your friends winked at you and she danced away. “You dont look like someone who normally comes to these types of parties, little mouse.” That stranger whispered to your ear, his breath made you shiver. He seemed familiar, but you couldn't remember where you heard him. “It is my first time here..” You admitted, suddenly feeling his hands on your lower abdomen. He pulled you closer to him, brushing his lips against your ears. You started breathing faster. "I see that.." Your cheeks are red, he obviously knows that being in the bar for the first time isn't the only thing that is new for you. "And why is that? What are you here for?" You closed your eyes and smiled, feeling pleasure only by his voice. "I.. I.." You exhaled shakily. "I just want to have some fun tonight." You replied a little bit hesitant. You possibly couldn't tell him the real reason why you were there. He would see only as an insane woman and probably would leave you right here on the spot. And you didn't want that. "Hmm.. That's something I can help you with, little mouse." You could see him smiling. "Really?" You asked maybe too happily. He chuckled darkly. "It will be my pleasure.." One of his hands remained on your lower abdomen and was pressing you to him and the other traveled to your neck. His fingers brushed against your neck and squeezed it tightly. Moan escaped your lips, he seemed pleased by that. "You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into." 

Suddenly your surroundings changed and you were no longer standing on the dancing floor. You were in the quiet room, it was dark here, the only source of light was fire in the fireplace. The walls in the room were painted red, the furniture was made of dark brown wood, but what dragged your attention the most was the big bed that was in front of you. "It's better here. We will have more privacy." Maybe you should be frightened, you didn't know this man and it was also so easy.. Maybe this was normal? In the end you never did this before. "Yeah.. It's better like this." You agreed with him. What should you do? What should you say? As if he was reading your thoughts, he kissed the back of your neck and continued to do so, while he started unbuttoning your dress. This was it. "You know you can move? You can touch me as you please. I will not protest." You listened to him, you turned so now you were facing him and put your hands on his chest, it felt so strong. You looked him in the eyes, as you slowly took off his shirt, so now, he was naked before you. Well.. the upper part of his body was naked and to the Cauldron. This man was perfect. You stroked him gently for a while, trying to remember this sight, because only Cauldron knows, if you will ever see this perfection again. He was standing still, allowing you to explore his body. You dared to do the next move, you kissed his neck and heard a groan which escaped his lips. You were doubting your skills, but it was nice hearing him, it gave you more courage to continue with this. “Jump” he gave you command and you obeyed him. Now, your faces were next to each other, he kissed you passionately, dominantly as he laid you on his big soft bed. His mouth traveled to your neck, leaving marks everywhere, it felt like he was marking his property. His hands moved curiously, at first they were holding your hips, squeezing them but now, you felt them on your thighs. He used them to open your legs for him, which resulted in you moaning. You felt so vulnerable, spread like this for the first time. Devilish smirk was playing on his lips, as if he knew what were you thinking now. One of his hands started to go up by your thighs, pulling up your dress at the same time. With his other hand, he decided to pay attention to your sweet core and you were really happy with that decision. You felt throbbing the whole time and release was coming. Firstly, he decided to use fingers, which were magical. After a while, you became a moaning mess, breathing faster than usual. “Please.. I want more..” You whispered, your voice filled with need. “What do you need? You have to tell my little mouse..” of course he wasn't going to give it to you so easily. “Anything you will give me, please!” You were already desperate. His fingers were awesome, but you needed more. He laughed “It's your first time and you are already so spoiled..” You weren't sure how he noticed that, but since yo couldnt think clearly, you let it go. In the end, it wasn't you who had some experience, unlike him. With the way he knew how exactly to touch you, it was obvious that he sure had many women in his bed. “But I will grant you your wish.. Now lay still.” 

You were watching him as he knelt down before you and started devouring you with his mouth. You were crushing sheets in your first, as you felt your orgasm tonight building in you. It was amazing, how could you miss out on something like this for so many years? At the same time, you were also wondering. You talked with some married friends about this topic and none of them said, this is also possible and is so pleasurable. As you reached your peak, you moaned loudly, if you knew his name, you would be repeating it like a prayer. “I was imagining how you taste for so many months now.. But in reality, you are much sweeter..” Another word you didn't understand, but now, you were concentrating on your lingering pleasure, instead of this, thinking he was just weird. Maybe he saw you at the court? That could also be the reason why he felt so familiar. This would be really bad, since he could use what had happened against you, but again, this isn't something you could concentrate on at the moment. And it was late anyway. Maybe you hadn't had sex yet, but this was basically the same. He moved, now his body was covering yours, his eyes found yours as he kissed you again, but now it was slower, as if he tried to enjoy every moment of this, trying to remember how you taste. In the next second, he found a zipper on your back and unzipped your dress. He gladly helped you take off your dress and throw it on the floor. Now you were entirely naked, exposed to him and he sure was enjoying this. His eyes were eating you alive, you could swear that you saw fire flame dancing in them. He wasn't wasting any more time, only now you saw that he is naked too. You couldn't help yourself, you looked at his member, finding it… well big. It was bigger than you expected it to be. You knew, this can be painful for the woman, especially if it's her first time and if every man had something like this, it wasn't surprising at all. You inhaled sharply, your eyes filled with worries but with need at the same time. Maybe you were scared a little bit, but you still wanted to continue. “We can stop, if you want.” He offered you, his voice was soft and filled with understandment. You shake your head. “No. I want this. “You assured him, he studied your face for a while, but he wasn't trying to talk you out of it again. You both wanted this, wanted and needed more. He took you gently, trying to distract you with his mouth, which he used to kiss you, but also to bite your neck and nipples, which were hard due to his attacks. It was unpleasant at first, but after you got used to him and he started to move faster, with more confidence, you rolled your eyes with pleasure. “You are amazing, my mouse, taking me so well..” He was whispering to your ear, taking everything you offered him and you were doing the same. Enjoying the pleasure he was giving you, not holding back anything, not your moans, not your hands and mouth, which you were using to please him. His groans were like music to your ears, louder as he was closer and closer to his release. “Come with me.. now.” You were really close and his words set you from the edge, another wave of pleasure overwhelmed you and made you see the stars.

You were tired, so much tired and also terrified a little bit, not that you would admit it out loud. Today was your wedding day. It was supposed to be a happy occasion, well maybe in another court, in Autumn weddings being a happy day for the bride was rare. In this court, people were marrying off their daughters for political benefits, not because they were in love. This was your situation. You were hoping that after what you did yesterday, you will feel better, but you weren't sure anymore. You weren't much more confident at all. The thought of this act of rebellion still gave you some satisfaction, but at the same time, you were sad. Yesterday's night was magical, it felt so good and that man was so nice to you and you were sure that Eris will be different. And now, you were supposed to know, what are you missing out, again? That cursed male. It wasn't his fault, it was your. You shouldn't be thinking about him, but you were and not only because of the pleasure he gave you. You were also thinking about his eyes, about his voice, about the pet name he gave you.. About everything he did and said that night. You were missing him. This was crazy, you were crazy. You will probably not see him ever again, you had to stop thinking about him, but you just couldn't. Not when your maids were helping dress you into your wedding gown, not when they were doing your makeup and hair. You were even thinking about him even now, as you walked down the aisle to the priestess and your soon to be husband. You woke up from your trance, after your father pulled your hand. He gave you a warning look, before turning to the High lord and giving him your hand. Right at this moment did you dare to look at him and after you did that, the whole word stopped. There he was, High lord, your fiance.. and the male you lost your innocence with in the same person. He was glaring at your father angrily, but as he turned his gaze at you, his look became softer and there was a little smirk on his lips. He gently helped you to step closer to him and the priestess, if he hadn't done that, you'd probably be standing there for the rest of your life. You were lost in thoughts during the entire ceremony. You felt so many emotions and thought about so many things that you got lost in them. You didn't even know what to feel. Relief? Joy? Anger perhaps? Before you could figure it out, you were already Eris' wife and Lady of the Autumn with many people who wanted to meet and congratulate you and also with a big celebration ahead.

During the day, you hadn't had time to talk with Eris that much. Actually, he didn't say a word to you and you weren't sure if you wanted to talk to him at all. You were mad at him, but at the same time, you were glad that it was him yesterday. These feelings were complicated, the only fact that was worse is that you had only a little time to think about everything in peace. Currently, you were walking accompanied by your mother to your husband's chambers. It was your wedding night, the first night you were supposed to spend together and consummate your marriage. “Y/N! Are you listening to me? This is very important for us!” She barked at you. You frowned at her. “I know, mother. And I also know about everything that is expected from me tonight. You already told me everything. Don't worry, I will play my part well, like always.” Her expression saddened suddenly, only for a brief moment, before it was gone again. “Good.. I know you are ready. So.. go.” She nodded towards big mahagon doors which were guarded by a few guards and a few courtiers. Suddenly, you were nervous again. Knowing that they will be here, listening to you all night.. But there was nothing you could do. It was another tradition in the Autumn court. You walked to the doors, which were opened by guards, right on time. You inhaled deeply before stepping to the room.

Eris was already here, looking into the fireplace, holding some drink in his hands. Unlike you, he was still wearing the suit he was wearing during the wedding and later during the celebration. Feeling too exposed, you pulled your robe closer to your body, hugging yourself. “Do you realize, there is nothing I haven't seen before?” You bit your lip. “I am really sorry. I know what I did was.. irresponsible. It was a mistake that will never happen again, I assure you and ask for your forgiveness.” You felt his gaze on you, but you avoided his eyes. You were almost sure that he was going to punish you and you were too scared to look him in the eyes, when he says how is he going to punish you. Instead, he sighed and drank from his glass. “I knew what you were planning for a while. One of my men was watching you for a long time, since the first day we met. His job was to make sure my father didn't hurt you while he was still alive. When he died, I originally wanted to recall him, but.. I couldn't. Until you were mine, I wanted to know what you were doing and if you were okay. I wanted to know who you are talking to and if there is another man in your life.. And when I found out what you were planning.. I was considering letting you do it. You obviously really wanted it, but in the end I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to leave you for another man. I'm selfish, but I've wanted you for myself since the first time I saw you. Even before we first spoke.” This was too much, shaking your head, you looked at him and saw nothing but honesty written on his face. “I don't understand you. Everytime we spoke you were.. almost rude.” This wasn't making any sense for you, be he was willing to explain it to you. “I know, it was again, because of my father. I couldn't possibly tell him about.. my feelings. About our bond.” Your expression widened and suddenly, you felt it, the mating bond, forming between you two. “You are my mate, Y/N. That's why I couldn't let you leave that bar with another male. That's why I wanted to marry you in the first place. I will gladly admit it, I am a very selfish male.” He shrugged, turning back at you, again drinking from his glass. He was giving you an opportunity to think about what you are going to say next, but you didn't need that. Finally, you knew very well what you were thinking and what you wanted. Step after step, you walked towards him, placing your hand on his cheeks in a loving gesture. “Eris.. I think.. I love you. I think I always loved you, but my anger at many other things overshadow it. I'm ashamed to admit it. This doesn't mean that I am fully forgiving you. I am still a little bit mad at you, because you didn't tell me this sooner and let me wonder what my future is going to look like.. But I am not afraid any longer. And I am glad that last night.. it was you, who took me for the first time. I admit it, I was thinking about you all morning today.” You said shyly and he smiled at you, pleased at your confession. “You have been driving me crazy for a months now, my mouse..” He wrapped his hands around your waist. “I am happy that you are finally mine, even if you are still a little angry.. But luckily I know very well how to make you forgive me.” He said as he catched your lips to his. That night, he showed you, how he is going to make it up to you many times.

[religion-in-humanity]

I am from a very odd religious background. I was raised culturally Christian, in the sense that my family celebrated Christmas and Easter, but my family wasn't religiously Christian in any way.

My mom was neo-pagan (until she became baptist well into my late teens) and my dad is a die-hard atheist; I can count all the times I went to a church on one hand and that was always with extended family (and they were all deeply unpleasant experiences), I never prayed or said grace (I held my cousins' hands awkwardly and stared ahead in silence), and my only religious education was Veggie Tales but I was so disconnected from Christianity that I didn't even realize it was a religious show.

(My great-grandma was sent to a Catholic boarding school as a little NDN girl. I grew up seeing her little figurines of the Virgin Mary and the crucifix hanging above her bedroom door, but she never told me about religion. She didn't raise me, or my brother or cousins or her own children, with the fear of hell that was beaten into her.)

I don't know the things that even other culturally Christian people seem to know about Christianity. I don't know Jesus's apostles, I don't know the story of the last supper, I don't know anything about his crucification or whatever it's called. My knowledge of the Christmas story is based on that one vine ("I brought you myrrh." "Thank you." "Myrrh-der!" "Judas, no!" Idk who Judas is either). I can't tell you what that thing priests stand at is called. I don't know the difference between a priest, a chaplain, and all those other people. I can't recognize biblical references.

Which is a very long way of saying that I don't have the same background that a lot of other converts and potential converts are coming into Judaism with. I don't have the deeply ingrained antisemitism that Christians are raised with; I'm sure I heard some iteration of "Jews killed Jesus" as a child but it never registered to me until I started hanging out with Jewish people. I definitely still hold antisemitic beliefs, because I was raised in a society, but I don't have the black and white thinking that ex-Christians bring to the table, where you're either perfect or damned and there is no in-between.

So it's been odd to me, realizing how many other potential converts don't see Judaism as its own religion and culture but as a saving grace, a way of being redeemed from the sins of Christianity and colonialism and whatever else. And then they're forced to realize that Jews, like everyone else in this world, are human beings who are complicated and messy and often selfish and cruel and all their faith in the ways that Judaism can "save" them is shattered by reality.

I have been over here furiously studying, highlighting half of my books and listening to audiobooks while I do dishes and waiting on a holding list for weeks to check out this one book that several Jewish friends recommended and signing up for all of MJL's email lists and even reading the weekly Torah and Midrash portions and their commentaries even though I have no biblical experience, along with talking to people and asking questions and researching synagogues and making a list of questions for a rabbi. And it is so so clear that these people treating Judaism like their spiritual saviors, literally replacing Jesus in their lives with Jewishness, have no actual attachment to Judaism itself and no interest in it beyond the benefits they think it will give to them. They aren't interested in the religion or the meaning or the history, because if they were, then they'd already know how important Israel is to Jewish communities and how prominent Zionism is in all its forms.

They want the culture and the holidays and the bragging rights without any of the weight and history that makes Judaism what it is. As a Native person, I see that so much in people who are trying to connect to distant Native ancestry or pluck at our cultures for themselves; they want all the fun parts without the work and pain and misery and trauma.

Idk. It's just such a depressing realization. I'm not longer part of any actual convert groups and I'm glad for that because I don't know how I'd react to people just. Discarding all this work and passion and love as if it's nothing.

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

Gilded Age, 02x06, Warning Shots. My thoughts...

Turner can go fuck herself! Seriously her revenge doesn't go the way she wants it to, so her next is to steal Bertha box at Met. By getting some getting some old money people to go to new opera house she has some cojones. Hoe I don't think so! I love that George set everything right again, don't mess with his wife! Good man! Can someone, but Bertha please expose Turner for who she really is, a two bit hoe lady's maid that tryed pathetically to get her bosses husband to sleep with her. She'll be dropped out of high society on her ear!

The word frenemies should of been invented to describe Bertha and Mrs. Astor's "friendship". I swear the moment Gladys said 'I thought you were friends' to Bertha, frenemies started flashing in my head in neon red lol.

Omg Marian, I felt so horrible for her put on spot like that in front of everyone. He didn't even court her or anything! Oscar at least kissed the girl he's trying to convince. He's gay for crying out loud, can't imagine kissing a woman high on list of things to do but he did damn it! Marian and Dashiell haven't even done that, let alone gone a true date or anything. I do like him, it just feels like he's jump the gun alot. It seems like he's looking more for a mother for his daughter than an actual wife. Which isn't cool dude! I do like how Marian got around saying yes, that was creative.

How cruel to do that to Aunt Ada and Luke. It's just evil! I just bust into tears. She finally finds her person only to have this happen. Aunt Ada has the purest of hearts she and Luke don't deserve this!! All I know is there better be a goddamn miracle happen and he lives!!! When Aunt Ada comes down stairs and Aunt Agnes is waiting for her just being her big sister. I couldn't take it, I started sobbing right along with Aunt Ada. Because not matter what Aunt Agnes said or does she loves her little sister.

I really don't like what their doing with Peggy and her boss! This week I'm liking she's all get away you're married. Just hope it stays that way. Because other wise it's just going to come off as badly for both characters. I really don't like her boss! Beyond he's already married! All I know is if I heard the line my wife doesn't understand me like you do. I might scream!

Ok I'm so confused what Oscar is up with the investment. I am glad he moved in direction that might lead to something more then friendship. I do like them together.

Can George please be a good man to his workers. He's such a good man in so many other respects. When he was in the head of labor union house it was easy to see he cared. Especially the fact that son worked at the plant or that the children didn't go school or have one to go to. He's not like the guy that works for him. George isn't a heartless, unfeeling, subhuman who would of gladly killed all those men and not even blinked an eye. So I'm hoping we'll see George do the right by working with the labor union to come with deal that works with for both sides. Also see build a school, George Russell is a fictional character after all why not make him like say Milton Hershey who really champion for his workers, build them homes, schools, a hospital and everything else in Hershey, Pennsylvania so they could work more easily at his plant. Because it's like we can him wanting do that. He stop those soldiers from shooting on the striking workers, where the other dude would of been happy with countless die and wouldn't of cared, he'd all been price of doing business he's just subhuman!

I think it so amazing what Jack did with clock! I definitely don't think he shouldn't give up. Love how everyone in the house expects one believe in him and gave him the money to go to patton office.

Can we take a minute to talk about Armstrong. They show us how horrible her mother is ok I can get that, but there are people with horrible parents that don't become that. I'm living proof of that! So what else is her deal!?! Because she's one dimensional at this point, even after them showing us her mother it's still impossible to have any empathy or simple care for her. She's just the most bitter, jaded, miserable character of the whole series. If anyone would be entitled to feel that way it would be Peggy's, her baby son died but she's nothing like that. So I hope they give us more on Armstrong character. Because I'm so tried of her being a buzz kill, shit Aunt Agnes isn't that bad!! When she said that stuff when Jack's patton get approved, truthfully I just really wanted to slap her. Because being cruel and horrible is a choice, it's abusive. It's not because of how she was raised with her mother if that was case she's be like to everyone. She's not, if she was like that with say Aunt Agnes her ass would of been fired by now. She's selective on who she's abusive too.

I'm over Mr. McAllister playing both side! I feel he needs to be loyal to one side now. I of course I want it to Bertha's. personally find Mrs. Astor too arrogant, overblown, way too many people been kissing her ass for so long that thinks she just be a bitch to everyone. Or that her personality because outside her daughter we haven't seen her be truly nice to anyway not ever Mr. McAllister. It's she walks in a room she just expects them all just to kiss her ass. Where Bertha generally nice to people, especially her staff. Which is one of things I do really love about her. I do wish be less shape with Gladys. She keep Gladys in a golden box than snap at her when she doesn't understand something. It's like Bertha you only have yourself to blame if Gladys doesn't understand these things. Chill woman! Gladys looked so hurt by Bertha words and tone. I understand that feeling very well. I would really love to see a scene where Gladys stands up to Bertha when she snaps at her and Bertha realize what she's doing. And they have a moment where Bertha said she's going to stop doing that. Because we have seen it in her Bertha way she does truly love both her children deeply.

I do have to say I want more Bertha in last two episodes she's been seriously lacking. Or at least it felt lacking to me. I know there are bunch of other story lines going on and need they need equal attention but I still want more Bertha!!

[memendam-rindu]

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who wanted to become an adult, she thought being adult were fun because they were free to choose anything in their life. Then, as time goes by, she is now a girl who is growing up. However, what she thought as a child was the opposite of what she went through as an adult. Turns out, being an adult is not as exciting as she thought when she was a child. The freedom of choice that she had always dreamed of turned out to be more complicated than she thought. As she gets older, the more burdens she has to carry, and the more decisions she has to make on her own. Then, she slowly realized that she wasn't really ready to grow up, but she had no choice except accept it.

One night, she sat alone in the silence of the late night. The night was so quiet, she could not sleep because the sound of her heavy breath sounded so loud. Then she decided to open one of her favorite social media. Instagram. On instagram, she saw stories and posts shared by many people, both the people she knew and those she didn't know. They all seemed so happy enjoying their life. There are some girls who has the same age as her are busy sharing moments of happiness with their husbands and children, there are also those who are younger than her, but they are already able to get their dream jobs, they even buy houses and travel the world with the hard work of their dream jobs. Without realizing it, she began to compare herself with those people. Her mind wandered again, this month she will be 25 years old. But, she doesn't have all of that. She is still single and even still dependent on her parents. Then, she put down her phone as tears started to fall. She sobbed in the middle of the silent night, alone. She covered her mouth so that the sound of her crying was not heard by the people in her house. Especially her parents. Her mind replayed the moments she had gone through. Has she not tried hard enough so that her life seems to be running in its place? No job and no husband. There was only her and her own burden. But, at least she has a family who is always there for her. However, it actually made her more disappointed with herself. She still couldn't fulfill her parents' wish. She knew exactly what her parents expected to her. Having children who have stable jobs is something that her parents always want. She knew that it was simply not because her parents wanted to tell the world that they has a great children, it is more than that. Her parents wanted her children to be independent before they were separated by death. They do not want their children to live in poverty after they are gone. Then, it became a burden on the girl's back. She really wanted to fulfill her parents' wish, but God didn't seem to approve of her yet. However, she will not give up until God believes in her.

While on the other hand, the people around her seem interested in her love life. In fact, they sometimes make comments that the girl thinks are crossing the line. The people around her seemed to really enjoy when they urged her to get married soon. They say 25 years old is old enough to get married. They even judged that the girl was too picky because she missed too many men who intended to marry her. And the girl could only accept their comments silently. She didn't try to explain, she just kept it to herself. And luckily again, her parents never urged her to get married, only by the people around her who didn't even know her that well. But even so, their talk remains a burden on the girl's mind. Especially when someone once gave her such an insulting comment, it sounded something like, "You should get married. You know, girls are different from boys. Girls go through menopause, if you don't get married soon you'll have a hard time getting pregnant later unless you decide to become a spinster." Painful and cruel, that's how the girl felt when she heard that comment. But she still tries not to respond, she wants to keep the person's feeling even when that person has hurt her feeling. She was so sad but didn't want to show it to anyone. She still smiled even though she was really hurt inside. How could those people judge her so easily when they didn't even know what the girl was going through? Actually, she also wanted to get married. Really want to. However, she doesn't have enough confidence to love someone again after she has been hurt by a man she once fell in love with. The man left her without saying goodbye. In fact, she and the man had planned a future together, but in the end it was not the girl he chose to be part of his future. Three years. She had spent three years loving this man. But in the end, he just hurt this girl. If only they had known what had happened, would they still have made hurtful comments to the girl? We'll never know.

The next thing that became a reason for the girl besides her past with the man was the future of her children when she finally decided to get married. She didn't want her children to feel what she was feeling right now. She wants to provide a better life for her children in the future. For that, she intends before marriage she must be able to be financially independent because many couples divorce because of money problems. She didn't want to experience anything like that. For that, she wanted to work harder. Moreover, if she has a good job, she can also help her husband later when bad things happen, for example, her husband loses his job. But, if a man comes with very good intentions and promises, maybe she won't miss it even though she still can't be financially independent, as long as the man keeps trying well and allows the girl to keep fighting on her path. The girl will consider it.

Actually, it was as simple as the girl's thought, but it's made difficult by her worries and the comment of the people around her.

Oh yes, the girl is me. 😊

Dulu, ada seorang gadis kecil yang ingin sekali menjadi dewasa, ia mengira menjadi orang dewasa itu menyenangkan karena mereka bebas memilih apapun dalam kehidupannya. Lalu, seiring berjalannya waktu, ia pun kini menjadi seorang gadis yang sedang tumbuh dewasa. Namun, apa yang dipikirakannya sewaktu kecil berbanding terbalik dengan apa yang ia lalui saat menjadi dewasa. Ternyata, menjadi dewasa tak semenarik yang ia pikirkan sewaktu kecil. Kebebasan memilih yang selalu ia impikan sewaktu kecil ternyata lebih rumit dari yang ia sangka. Seiring bertambah usianya, semakin banyak beban yang harus ia pikul, dan semakin banyak keputusan yang harus ia ambil sendiri. Lalu ia menyadari perlahan bahwa sebenarnya ia tidak siap menjadi dewasa, tapi ia tidak punya pilihan selain menerimanya.

Suatu malam, ia duduk sendiri di tengah keheningan malam yang semakin larut. Malam itu begitu tenang, ia tidak bisa tidur karena suara nafasnya yang berat terdengar begitu berisik. Lalu ia memutuskan untuk membuka salah satu media sosial favoritnya. Instagram. Di sana ia melihat cerita dan postingan yang dibagikan orang-orang, baik orang yang ia kenal maupun yang tidak. Mereka semua tampak begitu bahagia menikmati kehidupannya. Ada yang seusia dirinya sedang sibuk membagikan momen kebahagiaan bersama suami dan anaknya, ada juga yang lebih muda darinya namun sudah mampu mendapatkan pekerjaan impian, ia bahkan membeli rumah dan berkeliling dunia dengan hasil jerih payah dari pekerjaan impiannya. Tanpa ia sadari, ia mulai membandingkan dirinya dengan orang-orang itu. Pikirannya kembali berkelana, bulan ini ia akan berusia 25 tahun. Namun, ia tidak memiliki semua itu. Ia masih sendiri dan bahkan masih bergantung pada orang tuanya. Ia kemudian meletakkan ponselnya tatkala air matanya mulai berjatuhan. Ia terisak ditengah malam yang hening itu, sendiri. Ia membungkam mulutnya agar suara tangisannya tidak terdengar oleh orang-orang dirumahnya. Terutama orang tuanya. Pikirannya kembali memutar momen-momen yang ia lalui. Apa ia kurang berusaha selama ini sehingga kehidupannya tampak tetap berjalan ditempat? Tidak punya pekerjaan dan tidak punya suami. Hanya ada dirinya dan bebannya sendiri. Tapi, setidaknya ia punya keluarga yang selalu ada untuknya. Namun, itu justru membuatnya kecewa dengan dirinya. Ia masih tidak bisa mewujudkan keinginan orang tuanya. Ia tahu persis apa yang orang tuanya harapkan dari dirinya. Memiliki anak yang memiliki pekerjaan tetap adalah hal yang selalu diinginkan orang tuanya. Ia tahu bahwa hal itu semata-mata bukan karena orang tuanya ingin membanggakan anaknya, lebih dari itu. Orang tuanya ingin agar anaknya bisa mandiri sebelum mereka dipisahkan oleh kematian. Mereka tidak ingin anaknya hidup dalam kemiskinan setelah mereka tiada. Lalu, hal itu menjadi beban dipunggung gadis itu. Ia ingin sekali mewujudkan keinginan orang tuanya, namun Tuhan tampaknya belum merestuinya. Namun, ia tidak akan menyerah sampai Tuhan percaya padanya.

Sementara dilain sisi, orang-orang disekitarnya tampak tertarik dengan kehidupan asmaranya. Bahkan, mereka kadang-kadang memberikan komentar yang menurut gadis itu melewati batas. Orang-orang disekitarnya tampak begitu menikmati saat mereka mendesaknya untuk segera menikah. Kata mereka, usia 25 tahun sudah cukup tua untuk menikah. Mereka bahkan menilai bahwa gadis itu terlalu pemilih karena terlalu sering melewatkan pria yang berniat menikahinya. Dan gadis itu hanya bisa diam menerima komentar-komentar mereka. Ia tidak berusaha menjelaskan, ia hanya menyimpannya sendiri. Dan beruntungnya lagi, orang tuanya tidak pernah mendesaknya untuk segera menikah. Hanya orang-orang disekitarnya yang bahkan tidak mengenal dirinya dengan baik. Namun meski begitu, omongan mereka tetap menjadi beban pikiran bagi gadis itu. Apalagi ketika pernah sekali ada yang memberinya komentar yang begitu menyudutkan, kira-kira terdengar seperti ini "kau seharunya sudah menikah. Apa kau tahu, gadis itu berbeda dengan laki-laki. Gadis memiliki masa menopause, kalau kau tidak segera menikah kau akan sulit hamil nantinya kecuali kalau kau memutuskan untuk menjadi perawan tua". Perih dan kejam, itulah yang dirasakan gadis itu saat mendengar komentar itu. Namun ia tetap berusaha untuk tidak menanggapinya, ia ingin menjaga perasaan orang itu bahkan ketika orang itu telah melukai perasaannya. Ia begitu sedih namun tidak ingin menunjukkan pada siapapun. Ia tetap tersenyum walau sebenarnya ia sangat terluka. Bagaimana bisa orang-orang itu mudah sekali menghakimi dirinya saat mereka bahkan tidak tahu hal-hal yang dilalui gadis itu? Sungguh, ia juga ingin menikah. Bahkan ingin sekali. Namun, ia tidak memiliki kepercayaan diri yang cukup untuk kembali mencintai seseorang setelah ia pernah mendapatkan luka dari seorang pria yang pernah membuatnya jatuh hati. Pria itu meninggalkannya tanpa mengucapkan kata perpisahan. Padahal, ia dan pria itu pernah merencanakan masa depan bersama, namun pada akhirnya bukan gadis itu yang ia pilih menjadi bagian dari masa depannya. Tiga tahun. Tiga tahun lamanya ia menghabiskan waktunya mencintai pria itu. Namun pada akhirnya, hanya luka batin yang ia dapatkan. Jika saja mereka tahu kejadian itu, apa mereka akan tetap memberi komentar menyakitkan pada gadis itu? Entahlah, kita tidak akan pernah tahu.

Hal berikutnya yang menjadi alasan dari gadis itu selain masa lalunya dengan pria itu adalah masa depan anaknya kelak ketika ia akhirnya memutuskan untuk menikah. Ia tidak ingin anaknya merasakan hal yang ia rasakan saat ini. Ia ingin memberikan kehidupan yang lebih baik untuk anak-anaknya kelak. Untuk itu, ia berniat sebelum menikah ia harus mampu mandiri secara finansial sebab banyak pasangan yang bercerai karena permasalahan uang. Ia tidak ingin mengalami hal seperti itu. Untuk itu, ia ingin lebih bekerja keras. Apalagi, jika ia memiliki pekerjaan bagus, kelak ia bisa juga membantu suaminya ketika hal buruk terjadi, misalnya suaminya kehilangan pekerjaan. Namun, jika seorang pria datang dengan niat yang sangat baik dan menjanjikan, mungkin ia tidak akan melewatkannya meski ia masih belum bisa mandiri secara finansial, yah selama pria itu tetap berusaha dan mengizinkan gadis itu untuk tetap berjuang dijalannya. Gadis itu akan mempertimbangkannya.

Sebenarnya, sesederhana itu pikiran gadis itu, namun terlalu dibuat rumit oleh kekhawatirannya dan omongan orang-orang disekitarnya.

Oh iya, gadis itu aku. 😊

[alastorseye]

About Remadora

When I say I really hate the HP fandom, I'm talking about the "fans" that hate everything about the saga, but still having Harry Potter accounts. They change the original story, claim that fanonical facts are canon, and launch hatred and death threats at those who simply like HARRY POTTER JUST THE WAY IT IS. Yes, I'm mostly talking about Marauders fans, which I joined after reading the books because I thought it would be interesting and funny. I suddenly realized how toxic and hateful that fandom was, it's like a cult dedicated to deifying Remus, Sirius, James and Regulus, and it seems that hating Snape, Dumbledore, and Remadora is a requirement to be a part of it.

At the beginning I used to consider Wolfstar as something funny, a bromance, it never bothered me, I mean... every fandom has fanon ships and I respect that, but the way they always hate Remadora and their shippers is something that MUST stop.

"You see!" said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely -"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front ofLupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times. . . ." And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes,staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor . . . too dangerous. . ."

When I read this part of the HBP I realized that Remadora was my favorite Harry Potter ship. Of course I wasn't aware of the death threats I'd receive later. I've read some "reasons" why some fans hate Remadora.

"Tonks forced him!"

We all know how insecure Remus was. I don't have to explain what's written in Wizarding World (Pottermore). This is the Remus bio:

Well, we can read that Remus was really attracted to Dora.

"Remus, so often melancholy and lonely, was first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten by the young witch. He had never fallen in love before. If it had happened in peacetime, Remus would have simply taken himself off to a new place and a new job, so that he did not have to endure the pain of watching Tonks fall in love with a handsome, young wizard in the Auror office, which was what he expected to happen. However, this was war; they were both needed in the Order of the Phoenix, and nobody knew what the next day would bring. Remus felt justified in remaining exactly where he was, keeping his feelings to himself but secretly rejoicing every time somebody paired him with Tonks on some overnight mission".

This is so sad and cute, and that's undeniable. I cried when I read it. If someone still thinking that Dora forced Remus to marry her after reading this paragraph... I mean... they're probably talking about another book series.

"The age gap!"

I'm so satisfied to know that some Remadora shippers have explained this. When it's about a kid and an adult... OF COURSE IS HORRENDOUS! Because children are not physically and mentally prepared to have romantic relationships. Wizards are legally adults at 17, REMUS MET TONKS WHEN SHE WAS 21!

I mean, many old people abuses of young people innocence, or something. But we all know that Remus wasn't one of those! He really loved Tonks, and that's canon. I don't know what's doing in the fandom people who denies canon facts.

Remus and Tonks were two physically, mentally, and legally adults loving each other.

"Remus didn't love her!"

He was an introvert, Tonks was an extrovert, she made his life better. And of course, I loved the way he introduced himself when he was trying to prove he wasn't a Death Eater:

"I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes known as Moony, one of the four creators of the Marauder's Map, married to Nymphadora, usually known as Tonks, and I taught you how to produce a Patronus, Harry, which takes the form of a stag." (Remus Lupin, DH)

Maybe I'm not the only one who perceive he was proud to be Nymphadora Tonks husband.

"I.. I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgment and have regretted it very much every since". (Remus Lupin, DH)

This phrase makes more sense after reading Remus bio. He used to think that he was "too poor, too dangerous" for her. He thought he wasn't enough for her. He never imagined that she would love him back. He was a werewolf, and of course he knew he was dangerous, you only need to be emphatic to realize he tried to get away from Tonks because he loved her, he didn't want to hurt his beloved woman!

If you don't believe me, read this again. It's in the chapter 11 of Deathly Hallows:

"Don't you understand what I've done to my wife and my unborn child? I should never have married her, I've made her an outcast!"

So, if Remus was trying to escape it's because he loved them, he thought he spoiled their lives. And of course, no one likes to feel that their influence is bad for someone they love!

"Their relationship came from nowhere! They don't have a development"

Well, the saga's name is HARRY POTTER, not The Love Life of Remus Lupin. The story is about the tragic life of this kid and everything he went through to save the world of a cruel and dark villain. I know many readers are young people in love, and they only want to ship everything, but that's not the main topic here, maybe mother's love would be the topic. Of course Ron and Hermione had a development because they were HARRY'S BEST FRIENDS, and they were always with him, from Philosopher's Stone to Cursed Child. Remus and Tonks are minor characters, and it's funny the fact that this usually comes from Wolfstar shippers, so... is Wolfstar more developed than Remadora?! I mean... they can ship whatever they want, Snape and the Sorting Hat, Dobby and Voldemort, anything, but that does not give them the right to disrespect such a cute, tragic and beautiful canon ship as Remadora.

"They are queercoded! Their relationship is homophobic!"

It's surprising to hear this. It's like... people gets angry just because the author doesn't make queer their favourite characters? I will explain why I don't think Remus and Tonks are "queercoded":

Whether through their dress, their behavior, their language, or other subtle forms of implication, queer characters were written or designed to communicate their unstated queerness to those who were searching for representation.

And this is the definition on the website Pride.com:

"Using LGBTQIA tropes and stereotypes to allude to a character's sexuality without explicitly confirming it in the text."

We all know that Disney used queercoding on characters like Ursula, Scar, Jaffar. And why do we know that? Because DISNEY WANTED TO PORTRAY THEM LIKE THAT, get it? Disney, THE CREATORS MADE THESE CHARACTERS INTENTIONALLY QUEER. How? BASED ON STEREOTYPES.

And going back to Remadora, I was really happy to see by first time a bada*ass woman, with short hair who wasn't portrayed as a lesbian just because the way she looks. This character didn't follow the: "Straight women have long hair and are girly", and "short dyied hair is for lesbians". I'm very very very surprised the fandom follows these stereotypes.

About Remus: I don't know how the phrase "being a werewolf is a metaphor about people with HIV AIDS" means "he's gay". Fenrir Greyback bit him when he was a kid. Many people interpret this as "r4pe". Okay, even thinking that it is the meaning of the "bite", I still cannot understand how being "r4ped" and "infected" makes him queer. Is this (again) a stereotype about people with AIDS and gay?

"JK Rowling created Remadora because she didn't like people shipping Wolfstar!"

It is true that fans love shipping everything, they queerbait and queercode everything. That's great, that's not the problem. The problem is when people starts bashing fans who ship canon straight couples. A very good example is the polemic on Falcon and Bucky relationship, some fans wanted them to be a gay couple, Anthony Mackie said that two men can only be friends, and there is no need to always give them a romantic connotation. People cancelled him, they called him homophobic. Yes, just because a person with authority (on the story they're following") didn't like the fact of queercoding their favourite characters. It's the same about Remadora.

Grindeldore is a very interesting and underrated couple by the way. You can love or hate JK Rowling, but the truth is that Harry Potter story is hers, and even if Remadora was "because she didn't like Wolfstar", she is the author, it was her mind where these characters first appeared, as a big Harry Potter fan I respect and like the original story, that's not a sin. An author has the right to make some changes if some characters were misunderstood by the readers.

(Yes, I wrote this a bit angrily since I've seen too much hate towards Remadora shippers)

[a-master-procrastinator]

Long ass post about the Eternal family not being a copy-paste from ATLA (aka I like the memes but my god can you please stop)

Because some people truly think that Vaylin is off-brand Azula, Arcann is Zuko and so on.

It's. Called. A. Trope. (I mean how often do we come across abusive manipulative fathers in media? Mothers who couldn't much to change anything? Children, desperately looking for their parent's approval no matter what?)

Of course, you have to consider the fact that the writing of ATLA is simply better than of KotFE/ET, so this might have been one of the reasons why people say that.

Spoilers for Avatar: The Last Airbender, Knights of the Fallen Empire and Knights of the Eternal Throne expansions!

Okay, so here's my unprofessional, maybe biased, not super deep take.

(not going to mention that all of them are members of royal, ruling family, kinda obvious)

What roles do they play in their stories? Well, both Valkorion and Ozai are main antagonists, but their presence throughout the story is very different. Ozai is rarely shown in first two seasons, we don't even see his face until season 3. He doesn't have a direct connection to the protagonist, they only meet at the very end of the show, and Ozai's role is to pose a threat to the world, while Aang's is to save it. Valkorion, on the other hand, is constantly on the screen, interacting with the main character, challenging their viewpoint and influencing them directly. His end goal is similar to Ozai's (destroy everything and be the only ruler of the his nation), but with one major difference - he's trapped in Outlander's mind, so to achieve his goal Valkorion attempts to take control of the main character. Their interactions play important role in the story, and we spend a lot of time with Valkorion.

In addition to that, their relationship with children are also not exactly the same. It seems like Azula is Ozai's favorite and Zuko is a failure in his eyes until he meets his expectations, and the same goes with Vaylin, Arcann and Valkorion, right? Well, partially. Indeed, Valkorion and Ozai's treat their sons in similar ways (are disappointed in them until they meet their expectation by doing something that goes against their morals), but when it comes to Vaylin and Azula, it's not that easy. See, Valkorion claims that Vaylin was always his favorite creation (even though we know it's actually his empire), and he certainly seems to take pride in her potential in the Force. But her power is the very reason he's afraid of his own daughter, and in this fear Valkorion literally locks Vaylin away and allows to put her through physical and mental torture just to make sure she won't become a threat, won't overpower him. Maybe he thought of her better than of Arcann, but she wasn't his favored child for sure. I don't want to say that Azula hasn't experienced abuse from Ozai, but for the most part he clearly favored her over Zuko. He has never shown fear of Azula's power and abilities (or at least I haven't noticed), quite the opposite - allowed her to do a lot, as long as she brings results.

I could also mention their slightly different characterization (mostly that we get more characterization of Valkorion, get to learn his motivations, views, philosophy and all that, also he's portrayed as more nuanced, even if he not really is) and role in their respective governments (ozai is one of many Fire Lords and arguably not the greatest, while Valkorion is a god to citizens of Zakuul, their only Immortal Emperor), but those are details, and I think you get the point.

What's similar: role of the main antagonist, manipulative and abusive father, goal of destruction of everything that isn't their nation/empire, relationship with disgraced son.

What's different: presence in the overall narrative, relationship with the main character, relationship with daughter, role in their societies.

Senya and Ursa are even less similar. Yes, they both are mothers who love their children, but have to leave them, but these are probably the only things they have in common. Just as with Ozai and Valkorion's presence throughout the story, Ursa is only shown in flashbacks (for obvious reasons), and Senya is one of major characters in KotFE and (a bit less major) in KotET. Ursa leaves because she has to kill Azulon in order to save Zuko, and later isn't present in the story (I'm aware that her fate is told in comics, but we aren't talking about it). Senya leaves because when she tries to take children with her, they refuse, and she understands that she can't force them to, nor she can help them to break free from Valkorion's manipulations. For a long time she's absent from Arcann ad Vaylin's lives, but at the time of game events she attempts to save her children and stop the madness and destruction they've caused, and it isn't a small part of the story.

I also want to add that their relationship with Ozai and Valkorion are also different, but can't say much about Ursa. I heard that she didn't choose this marriage and suffered emotional (and maybe physical???) abuse from Ozai. I can say with confidence, though, that Senya genuinely loved Valkorion, and strangely enough, he seems to at very least respect her. But, of course, this wasn't the best marriage either.

Plus, we see more of Senya's relationship with Vaylin than Arcann or Thexan, but with Ursa we see her more with Zuko than Azula. Just a detail to remember.

(also Senya is simply a better character but that besides the point, moving on. in this house we stand Senya)

What's similar: role of loving and caring mother, abandoning their family at some point.

What's different: presence in the overall narrative, relationship with husband, characterization in general.

Boy, where do I even begin. Vaylin and Azula are similar in that they are both extremely powerful (one is firebending prodigy, the other is potentially stronger than Valkorion), both are cruel "craaaaazy" (i hate that cliché), both are younger sisters, have serious mother issues (seemingly more so than father issues), both go through betrayal of people they could always rely on, which eventually leads to their downfall. But when I took a look at their personal arcs, it became clear that they aren't the same (unfortunately, Vaylin's arc is very rushed and underdeveloped, but we'll have to go with what we have and my personal view, sorry).

There's a really good video about writing corruption and madness, and I'm going to base my thoughts on it. To summarise it: a good corruption arc should have 4 components:

- the character has a specific goal (or a goal and subgoals);

- in pursuit of said goal they become the cause of a significant event that brings serious consequences;

- as the result of these consequences, character abandons their morals, ideals or a code in pursuit of goal;

- character either will not achieve their goal or will succeed, but it won't be enough to satisfy them.

And then the author brings Azula's arc as one of the best examples of compelling story of corruption (so basically, she represents it perfectly). In short, Azula's main goals are perfection and control, and subgoals help achieve the main ones. In pursuit of these goals, Azula causes Mai and Ty Lee to betray her (by pushing them too far to do something they wouldn't do), which then causes her to become paranoid, which makes her to attempt controlling everything and everyone around her, *breathes* which makes her lose control over herself and ....

Now, I thought if Vaylin's arc could fit into a corruption one, and next part will be based a lot on my assumptions and personal view of her character (plus rushed writing doesn't help), but I think yes (or at least mostly). The difference is in goals, ideals and details.

While the story strongly makes us think that Vaylin's goal is freedom (or control over her life and everything around her) or power and destruction, I think it's actually self-determination (which was said by Tenebrae in 6.2) and feeling safe. Let me explain (and here I thought this would be a short comparison). Sure, when Valkorion caged Vaylin on Nathema, he took choices and control over her life from his daughter. But let's not forget whom Vaylin blames for this (even more than Valkorion): her own mother, and I think this details tell us that the most important thing that Vaylin lost on Nathema is feeling safe. Then, after Arcann brought her home, I assume Vaylin still didn't feel safe enough under Valkorion's rule, still too afraid that he'd simply send her back to that hellish place.

It's when Valkorion is struck down Vaylin finally has a feeling of personal safety, even if she isn't the one on the throne. Why? Because back on Nathema there were two people who haven't turned on her - Arcann and Thexan (yes, this is also a huge assumption, bc the game states that only Thexan visited her, but it doesn't make much sense).

I've always noticed (and I'm not alone in this) that her behavior in Fallen Empire is different from the way she acted in Eternal Throne. Most likely bc of rushed writing, but I see a character driven reason here. In first of these expansions, Vaylin is the second person in power on Zakuul, and with Arcann being in charge, person she can trust more than any other living being, she feels safe - she can test her power, and now Valkorion won't prevent it, she can do pretty much everything she wishes, and the most Arcann will do about this is mildly complain (without blaming her). Really would be nice if we got to see any normal hobbies of Vaylin (like wasn't there something about books or art?), but I digress. She might have some questions about Arcann's tactics, but they get along just fine. The important thing to note is Vaylin not seeking to hunt the Outlander personally, to rule or conquer the rest of the galaxy, or trying to achieve absolute freedom or power. She's kinda there.

This, however, changes when Arcann doesn't allow Vaylin to kill Senya. Their relationship was getting somewhat worse towards the end of KotFE, but this is a turning event Vaylin caused by attempting to strike her mother. By saving the person Vaylin blames for all the trauma from sending her to Nathema, Arcann threatened her feeling of safety. And now Vaylin starts to believing that to achieve safety she now needs to kill people who hurt her (that's why she's so determined to find Senya and Arcann), take the throne and hunt down Outlander (she was manipulated by SCORPIO to these subgoals).

(The following is the weakest, I'll admit, but I hope I can at least express what I see). So, in trying to achieve goals she didn't want before Vaylin loses in self-determination, being either driven by overwhelming anger or manipulated by others (SCORPIO or Commander on Odessen), desperately trying to accomplish anything, or even goes against her morals (like by erasing GEMINI's free will protocols, when earlier she agreed that freedom to choose is important; or breaking the deal on Odessen). All of these result in her downfall.

But even this isn't the end. The key difference between arcs of Azula Vaylin lies in it's resolution, or that Vaylin have a chance to overcome corruption in the main narrative (and Azula doesn't. again, not including comics here, sorry). After death, Vaylin is again controlled by Valkorion in Outlander's mind. First time physically (she can't resist it), second time mentally. This is where Vaylin has to choose - kill brother who betrayed her and Commander who killed her, or go against Valkorion, person responsible for almost all of her pain and trauma. She has t choose by herself, and I think it's a good start.

Now, before 6.2 we all thought Vaylin was dead for good, but that story update hinted at possibility of her coming back to life. What I like to think is that now that she dealt with people responsible for her trauma (helped defeat Valkorion and actually for once listened to Senya), Vaylin can now have a different life, finding herself with support of someone she doesn't hold a grudge against and who treats her well (Satele, I mean).

I'm so sorry for going into details, but I needed this long explanation to present the point (and I suck at explanations). As said before, this is my version of her arc, and most likely wrong interpretation, but even with personal freedom of choice, Vaylin character differs from Azula a lot.

Need I mention that Vaylin relationship with Arcann and Valkorion are drastically different from those between Azula, Zuko and Ozai?

(Also a little detail - with royal family of Fire Nation, Azula is the golden child, while with Tiralls it's actually Thexan, not Vaylin).

What's similar: role of extremely powerful, emotionally damaged daughter with little to no regard towards others, close people betraying them, resulting in their downfall.

What's different: characterization, role in the narrative, relationship with father and brother.

Arcann and Zuko is the most difficult part, but I still believe that calling Arcann just a cheap copy of Zuko is incorrect.

So, they fall into role of less successful son, always getting disapproval from father, being in shadow of more talented sibling, both obsessed with capturing the main character but ending up helping them end the war after going through a redemption arc with help of caring family member. Even both have scars on left side of face. Yeah, seems similar. I still think they are different characters.

Let's start with their relationships with family. In Valkorion section I said that his attitude towards Arcann is similar to that of Ozai towards Zuko, so not going to spend too much time here. However, there's slight difference - Zuko didn't kill his father even he had a perfect opportunity (bc it wasn't his goal), Arcann did (bc it was one of his goals), which says something about their characterizations.

Zuko and Ursa were shown to have a good mother-son relationship, and it played a role in Zuko's character. With Arcann and Senya, we don't really know (not much was shown in expansions). We know Arcann didn't hate his mother, but possibly didn't have warm memories of her either. The reason is most likely, like Senya said, her children wanted nothing to do with her (which is a bit untrue about Vaylin, but okay) and leaned more towards Valkorion. We need to remember that on Zakuul Valkorion isn't just one of many great leaders, he's the greatest, and seen as a god by most citizens, so safe to assume the same would apply to his children as well.

Zuko and Azula's siblingship (i'm out of words) is a bit similar to Arcann and Vaylin's in way of brother knowing that his sister isn't good, but still caring about them (even if not showing). At least it's what I saw. What's different is how Azula treats Zuko, compared to how Vaylin treats Arcann. I think Azula showed compassion or concern for Zuko maybe twice, but I'm not entirely convinced that it was 100% sincere. Vaylin, on the other hand, seems to trust and care about Arcann (with bits of sass and questioning his life choices), and switching to complete opposite after him saving Senya. Also, I don't she ever called Arcann a failure in their father's eyes.

Now I want to say that their roles in stories aren't the same either. Sure, both are introduced to us as antagonists, but in reality, Zuko was never a true antagonist (we get to learn this somewhere mid-season 1), when Arcann remains the main antagonist for whole of KotFE. Zuko didn't start a war and didn't participate in conquest of other nations too much, his main goal was to capture the Avatar so to restore his honor (and deserve his father's forgiveness). Honestly, I think it's safe to say the Zuko is one of two main protagonists of ATLA. Why does Arcann want to capture the Outlander? Solely because his father's spirit still lives inside this person's mind, and the best solution to keep Valkorion away from the galaxy is not letting the Outlander free (hence the carbonite freezing). And Arcann doesn't want or need Valkorion's forgiveness when he attempts to kill him (or kills him, depending on your choice. anyway, his action directly leads to Valkorion's "death"). And right after that he becomes a ruler of Zakuul and begins the conquest of Republic, Sith Empire and everything he can reach (the reasoning behind this is still unclear to me though; maybe because he was raised with ruling Zakuul in mind and he didn't anything else, idk). Point is, he's responsible for war and main's character imprisonment, which makes him the main antagonist of KotFE. They have it the opposite ways - Zuko starts as disgraced prince, supported by a little group of people, and in the end he's recognized and appreciated by his nation, and Arcann starts as respected by his empire, later becoming less and less loved, until some groups start rebelling his rule, and in the end he doesn't get to rule Zakuul again.

This leads me to their morals. See, Zuko didn't have the worst morals in Fire Nation, even more, he expressed care for loyals soldiers of his nation before getting punished by Ozai. During first season (and about a half of second one) his views on other nations are what he was taught before. However, these views are challenged by travelling in Earth Kingdom, witnessing people suffering from war Fire Nation started and hating its people (you already know all of this), and with this he comes through final stage of redemption when he's back home. Unfortunately, Arcann doesn't go through this, and he's shown to be more ruthless.

Alright, when it comes to their redemption arcs, well let's say they are different (both in quality and the way they go through it), I'm just a bit tired of long explanations at this point. Zuko's arc is one of the best ever put on television, and Arcann's... well, it definitely has potential, but is criminally underdeveloped (there are other people who will explain it better than I ever could).

What's similar: role of disgraced son, living in shadow of their sibling, serious injuries on the left side of face (though with different meanings), obsession with capturing the main character, having a redemption arc.

What's different: role in the narrative, role in their society, characterization, relationship with sister and mother, different end goals (before redemption), paths to redemption.

[zaprlcorn]

Venus Rx and Fated Relationships

Is it possible you could meet your future spouse during a retrograde? 

A retrograde is when a planet reverses its motion—it moves backwards. Depending on the planet, retrogrades can last anywhere from 30 days to ~6 months. Venus goes retrograde approx every 18 months. Venus is the closest planet to Earth. In a world filled with hopeless romantics and love being the goal of life, when Venus goes retrograde, the effects are felt heavily.

Venus retrograde is a time when we are called to reassess ourselves in terms of “Venusian” things. These “things” revolve around love (internal or external), relationships, values, finances, pleasures, etc.

Because Venus is widely known as the planet of “love” it is no surprise that many people get into relationships when the planet goes retrograde. We’ve heard of exes coming back during Mercury retrograde to get closure (revising communication), but what about going back to people from past lives? Because retrogrades revisit the path a planet was once on, we do the same here on Earth. During this time, many people find themselves in relationships—specifically, “fated” relationships.

At the most basic level, our goal on this Earth is to procreate, carry on our lineage, and achieve happiness in some shape or form. The primary way of life goes: fall in love, have kids, and strengthen our family line. You hear songs about love on the radio, you see it in movies, shows, books, poetry; Love has been an emotion untouched since the beginning of time, so much that the idea of a “soulmate” is popular in pop culture and worldwide. Since astrology has gained popularity over the years, so has the term “twin flame”. A twin flame is essentially the idea that you are the half of somebody else’s soul, resulting in a star crossed lovers tale like Romeo and Juliet (with or without the suicide). In astrology, it has been proven that you can see karmic connections via synastry between two individuals—whether that’s two friends, an employee and boss, or a mother and child. However, in this post, I want to focus on the karmic connection between two people in the romantic aspect.

NOTE: I do NOT condone or support concept of twin flames for many reasons. This post is in no way shape or form about twin flames, saying the persons in this post are twin flames, or saying that you will meet your twin flame during Venus Rx.

Over the years, I have noticed that many people find a long-term partner, or even their spouse during Venus retrograde, in this thread I want to focus on one couple, in particular, that seems to prove the theory to be true:

Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid.

August 9th, 2015

Venus, Uranus, and Jupiter were all trine each other at this time. Indicating an abundance of out of the blue fated connections and relationships.

There’s no denying that Zayn and Gigi are pretty much in “soulmate” territory. Despite breaks and breakups, they’ve amounted a total of 5 years together. Five years ago, when Zayn and Gigi first met, the planet Venus was in retrograde, which Zayn actually mentions in his song cruel:

Venus in converse, you put a spell on me

Converse: a situation, object, or statement that is the reverse of another or corresponds to it but with certain terms transposed.

Zayn and Gigi met at Kylie Jenner’s birthday party, on August 9th, 2015. The song Cruel is about meeting somebody at a party and feeling a spark. Put two and two together.

When looking at Gigi’s chart, Jupiter was transiting her 5th house with a pretty tight conjunction to Venus (3 degrees separation) in the sign of Leo meaning that Venus and Jupiter were in an exact conjunction that Summer.

Leo is ruled by the Sun, the center of our universe, the Sun shines down on humanity and makes everything beautiful. Leo is home to the 5th house.

The 5th house is the house of relationships, sex, children, parties, creativity, and joys. Speaking of Joys—Venus’ joy is in the 5th house, meaning that this is an extremely favourable place for Venus to be (side note, Zayn had a planetary joy transit himself during this time. His moon was transiting his 3rd house and 3H Moon represents the Goddess.) She enjoys being in the 5th house, as she can utilize everything on the table in that room of the house.

Moreover, Jupiter, at the utmost basic level, has to deal with abundance. Jupiter being in the 5th house is favorable because the sign Jupiter rules (Pisces) is the sign Venus is exalted in. That said, Venus conjunct Jupiter in the sign of Leo equals an overflowing abundance of Venusian energy. It should also be noted that Jupiter rules a woman's husband in the birth chart. At this time, Gigi was in a VERY FAVORABLE position to meet her potential spouse. Moreover, when Jupiter crosses one’s 5th house, this indicates that a woman could meet her husband.

“Whenever Jupiter and the lord of 7th house transits the first or ninth house this is more indicative of things like Marriage commitment, deeper and strong relationships. And if Venus or Jupiter itself rule these houses then it is a double significant of relationships.“

Lord of Gigi’s 7H: Mars & Pluto

Mars was transiting her 4H, ready to cross over to her 5th

Pluto was transiting her 9H

“The seventh house represents connecting with others in a physical bonding and 9th house represents long term relationship.”

Now, remember when I said the Moon was transiting Zayn’s third house? The Moon changes signs every 2-2.5 days, so this transit came and went, but it was extremely fitting for the moment. The Moon was in Gemini, the sign of communication.

The 5th house is the house of relationships, sex, children, parties, creativity, and joys.

Where did Zayn and Gigi meet? What happens at parties? 

Venus, Jupiter, and Mercury (Gemini’s planetary ruler) were in a nice conjunction during this time. The Moon was also making a few aspects to Zayn’s natal Moon that day.

Moon in aspect with his Venus in the 1st house (opposite of the seventh house, house of long term relationships) within 1 degree of each other. Venus signifies ones girlfriend or wife in the natal chart.

Moon in aspect with his Jupiter in the 7th house (opposite of first house, house of self and the physical body)

“The ascendant represents the body in the individual of the person who wants the relationship.”

Another thing to note is the planet Uranus. Uranus is an outer planet known for causing upheaval and out-of-the-blue events. During this time, Uranus was transiting Zayn’s 1st house of self. Another thing to consider is his natal 7H Jupiter sextiling Uranus transiting his 1H, which means positive, but abrupt change in relationships. 

“This is a good time to tackle difficult tasks that have caused frustration or limitations in the past.” Venus Rx tends to bring people into your life who you’ve had a “past life” connection with.

Because of Uranus’ influence, Zayn’s life was a bit all over the place, so he found himself in a more adventurous state. Because his 11H (the 11H is responsible for social circles) Sun and transiting 1H Uranus were in a square aspect within 2 degrees, That said, Zayn was meeting new people and doing new things with said new people.

We got such a spiritual connection...

Zayn and Gigi are a great example of proving Venus Rx to be a time for cuffing szn. Despite having breaks and breakups, they’ve always found their way back to each other.

I’ve spoken to many other people to have met their partners during Venus retrograde, and almost all of them say it’s like a spark. They feel an automatic deep sense of familiarity with their partner, saying it’s like a spiritual connection.

Zayn is always singing about Gigi and him having this spiritual, fated, and past life connection:

     I been feeling high when I touch your body     That's how I feel the soul inside her body

       — Flight of the Stars (2018)

  Think I'm from space, my soul fell down   I found the Earth, not leaving now   I know your face, think you fell too   And ain't no place now, if I got you

      — If I Got You (2018)

We got such a spiritual connection, Don't you know you're fuckin' beautiful?

     — Common (2018)

I found my life in between shots and getting high The cage I was in fell away when she asked me to dance again I found my life in between a first kiss and a last goodbye

    — BRIGHT (2016)

Girl we'd still make it If the planets all faded away 

    — Imprint (2018)

I know I seen your face In different times and places

....

We can be Something divine, planets align where we should be

   — Talk to Me (2018)

With all being said, I think it’s safe to say if you’re looking for love, lookout for the next Venus retrograde (or look for 5th, 7th, or 9th house transits). Sometimes the universe throws somebody in your path and it’s fated. While Zayn and Gigi are an example in the media, I’ve seen it happen numerous times with everyday people. While some find their exes coming back around for a second try, or end up in murky karmic relationships, for the most part: Venus Rx seems to be a good place to start if you’re looking. 

Venus retrograde does not always mean things will work out because retrogrades are here to reassess things we did not master in the past. But love is all about taking chances. So take your chance, and have fun. Soul mates do exist, and you may end up finding the one.

[fireemblems24]

25, 26, 27 and let's just throw in 30 as well for the heck of it!

25. Character(s) you think is underated, and why?

Gilbert. From what people have said, everyone hates this guy because he's a "dead-beat dad." I personally think it's a good thing our culture really looks down on family abandonment, but that's such an over simplified look at his character. He's so well written and complicated and messy but not evil. I'm a sucker for parent character who are human rather than just support or sad-backstory fodder. I'm betting other characters get a lot more sympathy than he does too.

26. Character(s) you started out disliking but ended up really liking, and why?

Felix. I liked him because he was a hot sword boy, but then saw his supports and he was so mean to literally EVERYONE and at times really cruel. But haha, now he's in my top 5 favorites. My favorite thing about him is how he changes per route when no one else does. It really helped me understand his actions and learn he's just absolutely clueless about social and emotional intelligence and the more he barks, the more he's actually just really stressed and worried about that person. Seeing him devolve outside of AM is really heartbreaking too, and I've heard even his supports are super different pending the route.

27. Character(s) you started out liking but ended up disliking, and why?

This really hurts to say but, Ferdinand. He's just so disappointing. His one-sided rivalry with Edelgard makes him look really pathetic, especially since the end of that "arc" is him just accepting she's better than him (per his Byleth support). It seemed like he got set up to be more important - like Lorenz or Felix - but ends up adding nothing of value to any scene he's in. He got two chances to shine and just blathers away in both with empty lines. That's a problem in general (most of the times student lines are pretty throw-away), but he's so judgemental about other people's values and leadership skills without having any strong convictions he actually sticks to.

30. Are there any things you dislike about your favourite character(s)? If so what are they?

Oh, definitely.

Dimitri is way to dependent on Byleth. I enjoy their relationship and like the idea of it being romantic and more guide-like, but it annoys me that I'm really supposed to believe all that change in behavior is dependent on Byleth being there or not.

Dedue. No, Dedue's perfect. In all seriousness, I think he enables Dimitri too much. Dedue has his own issues, and it's not everyone's job to play Dimitri's babysitter, but telling Felix "I'd kill kids if he asked!" attitude is . . . not good and I kind of wish we saw him wrestle with this a bit more.

I dislike how Felix isn't called out more for his abusive behavior. I wish he'd apologize a bit more rather than putting the onus on the other character all the time to play nice with him.

A lot of Marianne's supports are repetitive. It holds back her characterization. She's a really heart-warming character and she deserves the world and it sucks so many of her supports just show the same side of her character over and over.

Ingrid's Duscur issue really needed more to work it all out. I don't have a problem with characters who have pretty serious flaws, but if they wanted to make Ingrid racist, I wish that got a bit more attention. She has her Dedue support, but that's really it.

Seteth sucks as a leading man in SS. I love him - a lot - but Claude, Edelgard, and Dimitri carry that role so much better than he does. I think it's because he literally never breaks out of his straight-man/mission report mode and we don't see how sweet he is in supports or him get flustered or anything.

Dorothea really looks hypocritical in CF. Oh, war sucks, oh all the poor children dying, oh, Edie, you and Byleth are soooo cute lolol. Come on, Dorothea, you can't have it both ways.

Manuela is so petty sometimes. Sometimes it's hilarious, but other times it seems downright mean like when she hoped F!Byleth will stay single forever just because she's having issues.

Mercedes is so passive at times. She's got this secret savage side, but I wish she let a few more people hear it. I've also seen her Jeritza support by now and it's awful. How much she puts herself down and it's never really rectified.

Sylvain and his women issues are written weirdly. The game wants us to feel oh so sorry for him that his rich, handsome, noble self gets attention from shallow women - but like everyone has that issue in his position. It's played up too much, and we never actually see any women in the entire game treat him badly. The "resolution" is also a little messy.

Ok. I have more favorites, but I need to stop lol. 10 is enough.

[liibrii]

Chapter 1 of Stillness || yokai hunter!Suna x fem!kitsune!reader || wc: 3.3k || 🦊

Synopsis: Arrival of an unexpected visitor promises your coming days to be interesting...

Genre: supernatural!au, enemies to lovers, angst & fluff, eventual smut

Warnings: reader is a nuisance, fire, mentions of blood

a/n: I'm no expert on Japanese mythology. I did my research but also took creative liberties so please keep in mind the information on yokai in this fic is lacking. Here are some links with basic info on yokai appearing in this series. 

as always feedback is greatly appreciated and if you want to be tagged let me know!

A streak of the new highway is planned to cut through your favourite part of the forest, the one you walk through when heading east to the river kappas inhabit. First trees have already fallen. You caress the bark of the mighty maple that once touched the sky and now lays at your feet, cut and bleeding from the wounds humans inflicted. You still remember when it was a sprout pushing roots into earth and hungrily reaching for the sun rays. Half a century later you fell asleep under its shade and hid in his branches from those chasing you. Why is this how you say goodbye?

Forest spirits peek out of their hiding places, their terrified chimes fill the air. They cling to you, your clothes, your tails. Some you have to convince to leave the branches of the fallen trees, the hollows in their barks that have offered them sanctuary for so many long years. They cry in pain.

And pain has a way of turning into anger.

It's searing and all consuming, spreading through your body as bright blue flames shoot from your hands. They burn all standing in their path. Equipment of workers, their machines and their boxes of metal go up in flames. Truck standing by the fence catches on fire. You transform back into your fox form, running away as it explodes with a bang echoing through the night.

It's a lonely existence, being a kitsune. With years most of your kind have hidden in the forest, many have moved to cities living together with humans, pretending to be them. As if they could ever be. You hold a bit of pity for them but mostly you just don't understand. Why do they go where humans live? Why do they want to live as humans live? Humans are interesting and fun to observe, that much you never denied, but they are also cruel and blind and they drove so many of your kind away. Empty lairs is all they leave behind.

You water the flowers around the temple as you do every morning before heading to bed. From your pocket a forest spirit you've rescued from one of the fallen trees peeks out. Morning sun makes it blink and rattle in confusion. None of your words reassure it so you leave the matter be. It needs time. Time to breathe and time to heal. As you pull out some weeds from between the cobble stones it watches and chimes, sorrowfully.

“I can't say.“ Weeds in your hands catch aflame and whither. You lay them down on the black soil. “We will find you a nicer home. There is a beautiful cherry blossom tree growing by the entrance. Would you like that?“ It gives a soft chime. “We can have a look at it later, alright? Careful!“ you catch it on your outstretched palm. “Stay with me, I'm almost finished with my duties. Do you have a name? Ah I see,“ you nod when it chimes. “How about I call you Koda? Would you like that? Now make sure not to fall off again, alright?“ You help it climb on your shoulder.

Koda turns it's head in all directions taking in the sight. It's probably its first time seeing anything but endless sky and branches. Not that the temple is anything special. It's small, with only two wooden buildings in need of repair and pond you hold particularly dear. No ducks live near it. You brought a pair once in hopes they'd have ducklings to keep you company but sadly before a month passed they became dinner to passing yokai. Ever since the only ducks at the temple are the ones on the edges of the roof.

Surrounding trees grow closely together, casting long shadows over the roofs and the small yard. In their shade a steep staircase leads towards the entrance of the temple. Every morning and every evening you sweep the leaves from the stairs, picking up and keeping the ones you find particularly beautiful. The golden, the deep crimson, and bright green, ones sprouting first when spring arrives, are your favourite. Moss has overgrown most of the steps. Koda chimes for you to put it on it and it sits on the soft green blanket seeming calm for the first time. Its home was taken but what said it couldn't make a new one here, with you? The temple has been your home for as long as you can remember and you doubt you'll ever know any other.

Your new friend still watches in amazement (At least you think it's amazement. Even you find spirits' expressions hard to read) and when you return to check on offerings you consider waking Chochin to help you reassure it. After a short consideration you decide against the idea. The stillness of the early morning is your favourite part of the day after all and you'll hear from your possessed lantern before noon rolls around anyway. Besides Chochin would only scare already rattled Koda. You'd like to spare the spirit further shocks, at least for a while. Luckily most days the temple grounds stand deserted. With each passing year less and less humans come to pay their respect to Inari. Less and less fields are to be found in the area so it's no wonder they forget how much depends on good harvest. They take it for granted and they forget. If centuries have thought you anything is that humans are incredibly good at forgetting.

You're just about to sweep the two fox statues by the entrance when you catch the sound of approaching steps. One person. Must be an early riser. You make your tails disappear and straighten the sleeves of your hoodie before instructing Koda to hide.

A young man steps through the tori gate. He's tall and lanky, a beanpole with dark hair. Most people pant and heave for air when reaching the top. He looks like he just took a pleasant stroll in the park. He takes in his surroundings then walks over to you. “Good morning,“ he greets with a polite smile that doesn't quite reach his slanted eyes.

There's an aura surrounding him. You can tell he's the kind of man people take a second glance at when passing him by. If you asked them why they'd give you a confused look. “I, I have no idea,“ they'd answer, “There was... something.“ If you asked them an hour later they'd be even more confused because they have already forgotten about him. But he is the kind of a man who wants to be forgotten. How else would he hunt yokai in peace?

“Morning,“ you return the pleasantries. Koda in your pockets shivers.

“I'd like to pay my respects. Can I offer alone or-?“ If he's embarrassed by being unsure of how to proceed you can't tell it from his face. You show him to the temple and excuse yourself, aware of how his eyes follow you as you walk across the small courtyard. You don't want him here. But you can't deny him entry.

He doesn't scare you. He's as green as sprouting grass, too young to have any real experience. He probably only recently accepted yokai are real and not just a folktale used to scare children. You might be the first he'd ever meet. At least one that isn't harmless. Still there is something about his calm voice and bored expression that keeps you alerted.

Koda peeks out of your pocket and chimes, worriedly. “We'll see,“ you murmur in response and head over to the pond. It's so empty. Should you get some koi fish? Or would they all too soon become dinner too? Many of those yokai who remain are growing hungrier. Wilder. Hearing approaching footsteps you wonder if that is what brought Mr Witch to your humble abode.

“I've heard there's a kitsune living around here.“

You straighten and turn to face the unwelcome visitor. Was someone else in your shoes they'd act smart and deny their nature. But you can tell he isn't asking. He's just confirming what he already knows. “There is.“

Visibly taken aback he hesitates. “Is it you?“

“I am.“ You don't like his eyes. They are too fox-like.

He bows politely. “I'm Suna Rintarou.“

“Good for you.“

He ignores the poison in your voice. “News of someone destroying the construction site has reached Inarizaki Clan.“ Ah, that explains the lack of fear. If he's here with the backing of a clan naturally he'd feel secure enough to directly challenge you. “I was sent to let the ones responsible know their efforts are meaningless. The road will be built no matter what you- What they do.“

“Ask? Your kind doesn't ask.“

“This might be the one for history books then.“ His face irks you. There's no fear, no nerves showing, no twitch of his mouth or fingers to betray what he's thinking. Humans are as easy to read as open books but the young man in front of you is a blank sheet of paper.

“Leave,“ is all you answer.

To your surprise he bows and obeys. Watching him leave you think he should straighten up.

As the sun rises higher you head to bed, newcomer so heavy on your mind he haunts your dreams. The sole presence of a yokai hunter is something to be worried about. First one comes, then a second, next your kind is being chased away. The only reason you're still here is because the humans can't seem to figure out a way to chase you away for good. Not that they haven't tried. If only they knew worst things live deep in the woods.

When evening falls you sweep the stairs and leave still rattled Koda besides Chochin who disapprovingly rolls it's one eye at you.

The town is only a short run away. It's small, at least you think so since there aren't many you've visited in your relatively short life. You know every nook and cranny, you know which tombstones are nekomata's favourite, you know which of the old street cats will soon join them. They can be a handful but they're the closest thing to friends you have. You pass the old house where teenagers like to gather. Its cellar has been home to keukegen for years now. You catch a glimpse of a few leaving. No doubt the fault of that damn visitor.

The place he's staying at is easy to find. How careless of him. All you have to do is follow the magic of protective charms scattered across the town back to its source. They're sloppy. Almost as if a child made them. But some of them are particularly well made. Work of another clan member perhaps?

You hide in the bushes of the garden surrounding a small house. Mr Witch left the sliding door open. Even in the garden you smell herbs meant to ward away evil spirits. He's sitting on the floor and watching a curious looking thin screen similar to ones you've seen down at the train station. He seems disinterested. When he stands up and leaves the room you silently creep closer to peek inside. The smell of herbs is stronger here. You don't find it unpleasant though many of your yokai friends would disagree.

On the screen you see a map of the town. More maps lay on the low table. Some have scribbles you can't quite read, arrows, and question marks. You hear him returning and scurry back in the safe embrace of darkness and bushes. He sits back down to continue his work, not noticing you were in his home. You lean your head on your paws and watch.

Following Suna around becomes a daily routine. You sweep the stairs in the morning and water the flowers then run the fastest your legs can carry you to the town. Luckily for you he likes sleeping in. His days are uneventful. Boring to be honest. He eats breakfast. Goes to town. Looks at historical monuments downtown. Sits on the only bench in the park and eats ice cream. Heads to library. From time to time he visits the construction site to inquire if there have been any more incidents. There were a few but none of them were your doing. Mr Witch doesn't actually think you're the only one enraged by the new road, does he? Honestly as much as you detest it you're also a little relieved humans haven't decided to build over the northern part of the forest. That would be a lot more troublesome.

You follow on a safe distance as he inspects the surrounding trees, no doubt to chase away the remaining forest spirits. For a very long time he inspects some footprints. You carefully step closer trying to see what caught his attention. Suddenly he stands up and continues on his way. As you follow you glance at the ground. Ah, of course.

He heads back to town after that, returns home and you return to your spot in the bushes. Sun hasn't set yet,  the day is still warm so he brings a low table out on the porch and pours two glasses of dark bubbly liquid.

“Are you going to keep hiding or will you join me for a drink? I have some tofu I can fry if you want. Kitsune like it, right?“ he asks without looking in your direction.

Crap. Well, no point in trying to be sneaky anymore. You step out, head raised high and your tails gracefully swaying with each step. A silver gem radiating light balances on the middle one. Once you reach porch you shapeshift to a human and hide the gem from Suna's eyes. You don't bother hiding the tails though and you take a sit across from him, carefully eyeing and sniffing the contents of the glass.

“Only three tails?“

“Are you judging my age?“

“Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude.“ That's not what his face says. “Thank you for leaving the construction site be,“ he chats on seemingly unbothered by your icy glare. “You must've noticed those footprints too, right? Have any idea where I might find the owner?“

“That sounds like your job Mr Witch.“

“It's Suna actually.“ He keeps talking like you're old acquaintances and it's making your blood boil. “Can I ask for your name? Don't want to call you Miss Kitsune.“

“Why are you here?“

Suna gulps down half of his drink before answering. “To make sure construction continues without any accidents. You seem to think yourself some kind of a yokai protector. Then I'm a protector of humans.“

You bark a laugh. “As if your kind needs protecting.“

“All the people getting sick from those keukegen would disagree.“

“Sounds like it's their fault for not staying away from infested places,“ you retort.

“Then one easy fix would be getting rid of those infested places.“

“An undertaking you have no doubt already started.“

“I'm just doing my job.“

“You can't chase them away for long you know. Your kind has tried before. They always come back.“

You've hoped your words would elicit a response from him. Anything. A trace of frustration, an arrogant grin. Suna pours himself another glass. “Do you want some ice?“

“What I would very much like is for you to leave.“

A grin flashes over his face. “Get used to my presence because I won't go away for a very long time.“

So this is how he wants to play. He isn't the tiniest bit alerted when you abruptly stand up. “We'll see.“

Your daily routine continues. The only difference is you no longer care to hide. Wherever Suna goes you're not far behind. He wants to stay, play the protector of humans, does he? Pathetic. He doesn't seem to be bothered by you following him around. Just slightly unimpressed. It makes you want to set his pants on fire. Just to get a reaction. Just to see his expression change.

“How long do you plan on following me?“

“Who says I'm following you? World doesn't revolve around you Mr Witch. Maybe I just wanted to buy myself some mochi. Have you considered that?“ You pretend to be interested in melons on the shelf. “Aren't these kind of expensive?“

Suna ignores your question. “I'm grocery shopping. There are no yokai here. And I haven't even harmed anyone.“

“Yet. Such a short word. Yet. Somebody has to keep an eye on your nasty tricks.“ You peek into his shopping cart. “Instant ramen and crab chips? Even I know humans need some you know,“ you wave your hand trying to remember what it's called but the word is buried too deep in your memory, “healthy food!“ you say instead and place the most expensive melon in the cart. “Like fruit for example.“

“Put it back.“

“It's healthy.“

“It's expensive.“

“I got money.“ You pull a bundle of bank notes from your pocket.

He puts the melon back on the shelf and grabs the cart with more force than necessary. You hum contently before putting the money in your pocket where it changes back to leaves you picked up last autumn.

The sheer number of different products on the shelves amazes you. And also makes you a little sad. All the offering humans bring to the temple are just rice and tofu and sometimes curry. Not that you don't like rice and tofu but why can't they bring one of all these colourful sweets? Or the chips Suna just put in the cart. Would he notice if one of the bags disappeared?

Walking past the vegetable stand you grab three cucumber packages and plop them down in his cart. You notice he added a bag of brown rice to it.

“Really? Three packages?“ he asks.

“They're a gift for kappas up the stream,“ you smile, innocently.

“Buy them yourself. You got money, don't you?”

“Why, would you like some? What's the matter Mr Witch, job doesn't pay well? Maybe you should consider a career that doesn't rely on destroying our lives.“

“Maybe you should live a life that doesn't harm others.“

You grin, satisfied. And so facade begins to crumble. A loud cough distracts you from throwing back another insult. An older man gives the two of you a disapproving look before returning to reading labels.

Suna grabs the cart and continues his way to the next item on the crumpled shopping list. You trail behind looking like a lost puppy peeking from behind him to see what the next item on the list is, adding new items to the cart Suna immediately puts back in their place. Even by the register you add one more package of chewing gum to the pile.

“At least take one with a fruity flavour,“ says Suna so you grab two more packages with watermelon on them. You think you see his eye twitch though it might be just your imagination. While he puts the groceries in a bag you snatch a chocolate bar from the nearest shelf, then follow him outside to take the cucumbers from the bag he's holding.

“You've been quite busy yesterday,“ you remark as you walk down the street.

“Since you followed me around the entire time I take it you weren't.“ He outstretches his hand. “Your stuff was 700 yen. Pay up.“

You give him a crumbled wrapper.

“Any particular reason you're interested in the old Nishikawa house?“ you ask, continuing to smile innocently when Suna glares at you and puts the wrapper in his pocket.

“I thought you were the local expert on all things paranormal in this town. I'll let you guess twice.“ He peels the sticker off the bananas and sticks it on your forehead. “See you around Miss Kitsune.“

Ch. 2: Red beneath the moon

tag list: @blurring-stars

[barnzbucky]

reach for the moon - chapter 3 (Ivar x Reader)

Pairing: Ivar x reader; Hvitserk x reader (but not really)

Summary: Hvitserk makes two invitations you can't say no.

Warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions of arranged marriage; mentions of unrequited love; dialogue heavily inspired from the movie sabrina (I don't really remember how it went, but I think the talk with her father about the moon is pretty similar); please, ket me know if I forgot something.

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: I am pretty sure I had a feverish dream of me posting this on Sunday... I guess I forgot. But I am doing it now, and I haven't slept the whole night, so forgive me for any mistakes in the post. Hope you enjoy reading! ❤

masterlist | series masterlist

The market was already full by the time Hvitserk got there. He took his usual spot near the butcher, leaning in a wooden pillar to watch the people come and go, desperate to set their stand ready for when customers arrived. Soon enough, in the middle of the loud fishermen and running children, he spotted you, smiling and talking to a few merchants while buying your own food, carrying a heavy basket on your arm.

Before making his way to you, Hvitserk felt a hand on his shoulder and immediately turned to see who was keeping him, not being surprised when it turned out to be Ivar.

“Can you at least behave, Hvitserk? Your bride and her father arrive today, and it would be better for everyone if you kept yourself from courting other women while they’re here.” His brother’s voice was low and calm, a huge difference from when they left off the day before.

“I’m behaving, Ivar, but I can’t promise you anything. If Y/N wants me to touch her, how cruel would I be to deny her?” Hvitserk laughed and gestured his head in your direction, making the king turn to you.

When Ivar finally set eyes on  the woman Hvitserk was referring to, his breath got caught on his throat. You looked different from the last time he saw you. Your hair was now shorter, your posture straighter, and your smile certainly wider. The way you carried yourself didn’t remind him anything of the girl he met on the beach so long ago, but Ivar wouldn’t forget about you so easily.  He almost wondered how a person could change so much in 5 years before he remembered himself. You looked breathtaking. But, of course, interested in his brother, and to make things worse, he had to make a plan to send you back to where you were.

He swallowed and turned back to Hvitserk, trying not to sneer at the look in his face. Worse than you liking his brother was both of you liking each other.

“Hvitserk, the king will stay here for a week after the engagement feast, tonight, and then he will only come back for the wedding. Control yourself.”

Hvitserk laughed and removed Ivar’s hand from his shoulder, “We’ll see, Ivar.”

Ivar turned back and headed back to the Great Hall before Hvitserk reached you, refusing to watch someone who helped him so much when he needed, even if he knew nothing about you, fall for his brother’s charms and stupid courting ways.

“Do you need help?” You nearly jumped when you heard a voice whispering in your ear, turning around abruptly to see the smile that haunted all your dreams and thoughts over the last eight years or so.

“Ha! Prince Hvitserk, you almost scared me to death!” You laid a hand over your heart, breathing heavily. Despite your tone, the wide smile on your face told him your were anything but displeased to see him.

“I’m sorry, I promise it wasn’t my intention,” he chuckled and reached a hand to cup your face, his thumb briefly caressing your cheek. “How did you sleep in your first night back in Kattegat?”

You cleared your throat before answering, trying to disguise the way he made you flustered after the unexpected touch. “I slept very well, thank you. No nightmares”

The honest smile on his face quickly turned into a teasing one. “Any dreams, then? About a handsome prince who rescued you from walking home alone, maybe?”

Your fake gasp only made his smile wider, and he took the basket from your arm, quickly following after you, walking further into the market to continue shopping.

“There’s a feast tonight.” He stated, and you hummed, distracted with the fruit stands, and he continued. “Do you want to come?”

Your head quickly turned back to him, immediately forgetting about the apple you were examining, with eyes sparkling and a blinding smile on your lips. “Yes, of course! I’d love to.”

So far, in the few hours you were back in Kattegat, Hvitserk had already made impossible your goal of forgetting about him. Between walking you home and inviting you personally for a party in the Great Hall, he had your heart hammering in your chest from the excitement of spending time with him.

“Great!” His hand returned to your face and you held your breath when he placed his lips on your cheek, before leaning further and whispering in your ear, “I’ll see you there, then.”

You made the utmost effort to stay and continue your tasks in the market, but the giddiness and excitement had you rushing back home to start planning your clothes for the feast.

After taking what it seemed like forever to arrive home, you decided that your house was too far away from the city. You exasperatedly opened the door, startling both of your parents, and cheerfully greeted them both, before setting the basket in the table and heading to your own room.

The exchanged glances  by your parents went past you, but your father quickly followed suit behind you.

“What happened?” He asked, not entering your room, standing at the door and watching you go through your dresses with a frown etched on your face.

You turned your head to look at him, and the frown disappeared, making way for the smile you had when you got home. “Oh, prince Hvitserk invited me to the feast tonight, and I wanted to decide what to wear as soon as possible.”

Your father sighed and walked further  into the room, sitting on your bed. He had a feeling this would happen the moment you arrived with Hvitserk, and it was what he feared the most. You were barely back from Gleðiborg, after five years, and had already went back to your old habits of living and breathing for Hvitserk. It almost destroyed you the first time, and he feared it would happen again. Arne figured you still didn’t know the latest news about your beloved. Not many people did, but you certainly deserved to.

“Y/N…” He started, hesitating to tell you. You had such a beautiful smile on your face, and he hated that he had to be the one to wipe it out. “You need to know, prince Hvitserk is marrying a princess soon.”

You immediately froze when  he said those words, your mind having difficulty to process the information.

“What?” You turned back to your father and went to sit beside him. His arms immediately wrapped around you, much too used to comfort you after you ended up sad because of something the prince had said or done. “But… he doesn’t seem in love.”

Still wary of the subject, Arne shook his head and continued, “He is not. It’s a marriage arranged by King Ivar to set an alliance that will benefit Kattegat greatly.”

You let out a relieved sigh and laughed, quickly getting up and going back to your task of finding the perfect dress.

“So he’s not in love, nor is he married yet.”

“Y/N,” your father said with an unmistakable warning tone, but you paid no mind, “stop trying to reach for the moon, child, I told you that.”

Setting one of the options on your bed, you giggled and went to hug your father, receiving a kiss to your forehead.

“There’s nothing wrong with reaching for the moon, father. Especially if the moon is reaching for me, too.”

Your hands smoothed the dress for the uptenth time that night, nervous about the way you looked. You knew you had heads turning to look at you. Your dress, colored in a rich deep red, contrasting the dull colors of the street, was perfectly adjusted on your waist and breasts, enhancing all of your best features.

With a confident smile on your face, you entered the Great Hall, immediately being welcomed by the loud song and the talking, the strong smell of roasted meat and leather quickly overwhelming you, not much different than you remembered.

Occasionally stopping to make conversation, you walked around the room, making sure to avoid the shadowy corners and standing in the center of the party. It didn’t take long for Hvitserk to find you.

“Y/N!” The crooked smile and twinkling eyes had you grinning back, and you almost laughed when you felt the strong smell of mead coming from him. You maintained your confident smile and tried not to blush when his eyes roamed over your body before setting back on your face. “You’re here, and you look beautiful.”

“Thank you, Hvitserk.” You giggled, any thoughts of insecurity quickly leaving your mind. He handed you a horn filled with the drink before taking your free hand, walking you to a quieter and less crowded side of the room.

With more moving space now, Hvitserk started to sway, trying to find the rhythm of the music. He sneakily rested his hands on your waist and brought you closer, making you move to the song with him.

"Dance?" he asked, though you were past the point already, after dancing together for almost one entire song.

You barely smiled and quickly took control of your own body, dancing and moving, until you could barely breathe with laughter and bliss. Under the influence of the alcohol and the adrenaline, you couldn't stop smiling and giggling.

After a while, Hvitserk leaned in to whisper in your ear, moving slowly, giving you time to regain your breath. "We can go to somewhere quieter, if you want."

Immediately, the scenes you used to watch played in your head. He would take a woman to either the corner of the room with the dimmest light, or to the beach, bring food and drinks to court them, and trying to impress them, most if not all times successfully. To you, he looked at them like they were the most beautiful woman in the world, and you always dreamed of having him look at you that way. 

You weren't stupid, and knew they weren't actually important to him, everyone knew Hvitserk was hard to stick with only one woman. You knew why he was coming at you, asking you to get out of there. But you also knew yourself, and knew enough to entice him and to make him continue to chase you and to want you.

Despite that, you couldn't contain the smitten smile on your face. "Oh? We go to the beach, you bring mead and fruit, and tell me about your adventures overseas?"

As you predicted, Hvitserk leaned back again and laughed at your teasinging tone. "Aren't you so intelligent, Y/N?"

You grinned. "I'll meet you at the beach, then."

He returned the smile, and headed to the main table to grab the things you mentioned. 

You watched him go, momentarily caught in your thoughts, and had to shake your head and take a deep breath to snap out of them. Before turning around to walk to the beach, you caught king Ivar's piercing gaze directed at you, him apparently lost in thoughts as well. You smiled tentatively at him and he quickly turned his glance away from you, as if he was caught doing something wrong or embarrassing.

You kept looking at him for a minute, wondering if he remembered you from that night. You didn't cross paths as children, with him not getting involved in playing with his brothers like you did, and spending a lot of his time with Floki, the boatbuilder. And as you grew up, even less so.

You liked to think he remembered you. Except, you didn't know if he paid any attention to your face that night, or even if he would recognize you after 5 years. Hvitserk didn't.

You tore your eyes from him and headed outside, starting to walk the familiar path to the beach.

Carefully moving between the people, Hvitserk was being as discrete as he could, trying to avoid being spotted by any of the kings present. He knew, if one of them noticed him, it would be nearly impossible for him to go out and meet you.

Unknown to him, his younger brother kept track of him for most of the night.

Ivar noticed you as soon as you entered the Great Hall, wearing a dress colored especially to call attention to you, red as blood. You outshone every woman in the room.

He caught himself watching you more times than he cared to admit, and had to force himself to pay attention to king Fredrik's never-ending monologue, often wondering when he went from ruthless to diplomatic.

Cursing himself, Ivar suddenly wished he could be more like his brothers, because he didn't understand how a woman whom he had heard speak only 2 or 3 sentences, was so interesting to him. 

But when you locked eyes with him and smiled, he remembered the last time he allowed himself to be completely vulnerable, and it brought an uncomfortable feeling he hadn't felt in a long time.

Knowing all too well of his brothers intentions, collecting food and mead, he knew he had to act quickly and come up with a plan good enough to keep things under control, at least for the night. Fredrik was starting to get inpatient because of his brother's absence.

Ivar shouted his name and Hvitserk had to bite his tongue to avoid cursing his mother for making him so unable to avoid her youngest son and his plans. 

Despite the annoyance, Hvitserk walked towards Ivar, keeping his gaze away from king Fredrik and his daughter, princess Tove, his bride, someone he was fairly acquainted with. She smirked when she saw him.

"What, Ivar? Hvitserk asked, not bothering to hide his annoyed tone, knowing it would irritate both his brother and his bride's father.

Ivar signalled for him to get closer, enough so they could talk without being heard by their company.

"You need to stay here and talk to them." Commanding and resolute, Ivar's tone left little for questioning.

"I can't, I have someone waiting for me," Hvitserk responded through gritted teeth.

"Yes, Y/N." He cleared his throat before continuing, "I'll make sure she knows you're sorry you couldn't meet with her tonight." Hvitserk clenched his jaw and Ivar knew it would take more than that to convince his brother to give up on spending the night with a beautiful woman and instead amuse a very boring old king. "Please, Hvitserk."

That did it. He nodded and Ivar let out a breath before getting up and excusing himself.

The cold wind and the strong smell of the sea forced you to reminisce something you wanted to keep hidden for good, and you had to take a deep breath to calm down and remember you weren't there for a bad reason.

That thought made you smile. Knowing you caught the attention of the man you wanted for so long, and for so long you thought you couldn't have, was of great pleasure to you. Being the center of Hvitserk's attention was everything you dreamed and more, if you could say so based on the time you spent together at the feast.

When you opened your eyes, the sight of the waves and the moon brought another memory. The very last time you were there, crying for yourself and for prince Ivar, listening to him do the same. That was a hard night for both of you.

Almost recreating that night, though you were sure it would be the complete opposite, you heard someone coming behind you. An immediate smile took over your face at the thought of Hvitserk.

But when you turned around, it wasn't Hvitserk there with you.

King Ivar stood before you, forming a sight you weren't expecting to see.

Seeing him up close was unlike merely exchanging a glance across the room, from afar. You could see all of him now.

You couldn't help but compare him to Hvitserk.

They were almost opposites. Hvitserk owned the sunlight when he stood in it, reflecting his clear eyes and warm, flushed skin, making his smile brighter than usual. It was a sight.

But Ivar, between the dark background and dim illumination, his bright blue eyes were alluring, and the shadow on part of his face, not covering but enhancing all the best, almost made you lose your breath. It was like he belonged in moonlight.

He looked just like you remembered, but oh so different. 

Despite the obvious changes, like the longer hair and matured face, what caught your attention was the tired look on his face; the angry frown you remembered was no longer angry, but still a frown.

And he looked as pretty as you recalled then, and earlier, from afar in the Great Hall.

"King Ivar," you said softly after a minute or so, not knowing if a bow was necessary, "where's Hvitserk?"

tags: @luvjiminssi  ; @ryukjin  ; @hecohansen31  ; @heavenly1927  ; @youbloodymadgenius  ; @ace-fiction  ; @poisonous00  ; @jzr201  ; @rose1729 ; @shestrying2write ​ ; @zuxiezendler  ; @learninglemni-blog ; @didiintheblog  ; @the-jess-life  ; @blonddnamedhandz  (if you’d like to be tagged or to be removed from the tag list, just send me a message/ask, no problem ☺️ if I wasn’t able to tag, please check if your blog is available to show on search) 

[fluffychubbyrose]

Monkey King Wukong Sun x Confident Reader.

Requested.

One Shot.

Warnings- Wukong may be O.C., Language, Slight violence, Reader gets jump scared, and mostly SFW hints at NSFW.

I'm so sorry it took so long but I hope you like it.

I've been apart of Wukongs group for awhile now. I joined him and the others Liuer, An An, and Bajue on his journey after trolls attacked my village and took what little I had away from me when they destroyed my house. He won't admit it, but he was shocked and admired my bravery and selflessness when he found me barely out running the trolls on one of the paths leading them away from the village that fateful day. He attacked and was able to defeat all three of them single handedly without any help. That day my house was simply collateral damage from the trolls tearing up the village in search of more children to take.

(Flashback to first meeting Wukong.)

I knew the only children left where hiding but with the speed of which the trolls where tearing down the houses they would find them in no time. So instead of running and hiding like the rest of the village people were, I decided the only chance for the village surviving this attack was to distract the trolls and lead them away.

The only way I was able to convince the horrendous trolls to take chase was by wrapping up bundles of the children's clothing in blankets and running with one in each arm past the trolls like I was desperately trying escape from them with my two children. Luckily with a little acting on my part faking to cry and scream in terror before running away was enough for the trolls to take chase after me and my "children".

Though I cannot lie because not all of my terror was false especially when the trolls where catching up after me when they saw me and scented the children's clothes in my arms. I ran for what felt like forever but couldn't have been more than a few minutes and even with the sharp and sudden turns I was making down different paths they were quickly gaining on me. That's when I noticed somone else up the path and I fear I may have just cost this unsuspecting man his life.

That fear I had for his life didn't last for long though when he saw the trolls behind me and watched with wide eyes as one lashed out snagging and tearing the back of my shirt I yelp and try to run faster when the man started running not away from them like anyone else would have, no he ran right past me and at the trolls. I stopped running shortly after and whipped around in shock. I was only able to watch what I was certain to be this delusional and crazy mans death. But then I saw the struggle going on and soon realized it was this man that I should have been running from along with the trolls after watching first hand how he skillfully attacked and defeated the beasts with strength and ease.

Soon after the shock of the situation started to wear off and I dropped my dummy "children" placing my hands on my knees gasping for air from my run and struggling not to pass out from a lack of oxygen. All while still gaping in shock at this mysterious man. It wasn't until he approached me that I realized that this was no man, monster, or beast, but instead was Dasheng.

I stared in bewilderment wondering if the trolls had indeed caught up and left me fatality wounded on the path and that's why I'm hallucinating so vividly. I heard a child gasp before I saw them. I look to my right glancing away from Dasheng to see a young boy with a baby strapped to his little back crouched down by the dummies unwrapping and checking to see if I hurt what he thought to be children when I carelessly dropped them moments before.

"What the? Their fake?" The young boy asks looking up at me with confusion. "Yeah their fake. It was the only way to lure the trolls out of my village and away from the real children. I was trying to keep them safe and keep anymore of them from being taken by the trolls." I managed to gasp out still breathless and light headed, my heart refusing to calm even though the danger has past.

"They would have killed you when they realized they were fake and went back and taken those children anyways your more foolish than clever." Dasheng snaps out giving me an angered but surprised look that I wasn't able to completely decipher. "Wukong! I don't think she was foolish she was sacrificing herself for her village she was being very brave and honorable." A pig looking man huffed out at Dasheng. 'Huh I guess that's Dashengs name. I wonder where that pig man was this whole time? Was he hiding from the trolls or did he just get left behind when Dasheng ran away from them to attack the trolls?'

"Bajie is right she's very brave and I think she's clever! She outsmarted the trolls didn't she?" The little boy says pouting and looking up at Wukong. My heads still spinning from everything that's happened but I stand up and I'm about to give Wukong a snide remark for calling me foolish when I feel a cool breeze on my back.

I frown in confusion until I remember the troll slashing my shirt with his claws. My face burns and I cross my arms over my chest to prevent my shirt from falling forward anymore than it already has and revealing more than I'd like too in front of strangers and a child no less. "I'm Liuer and this is- Oh that's pretty how did you get that flower to stay on your back like that?" The little boy says quickly bouncing around me in excitement trying to get a better view of the lotus flower tattooed on my back that is now exposed for all to see.

"Hey knock it off!" Wukong snapped Liuer giving him an embarrassed and annoyed glare before quickly looking away. Liuer just ignored him and continued to circle around me excitedly trying to get a better look at the tattoo on my back. I just smiled at him weakly feeling faint. "I need to go back to my village and let everyone know that the trolls are gone. At least for now." I managed to mumble out with my vision getting blurry. "Fine hurry up we were heading there for the night anyways." Grumps out in a hiss. "And for more food!" Bajie says excitedly.

I start walking back to the village with Wukong and his two followers in tow. I glance at him a few times during our journey back to the village and he won't meet my eyes now that he's noticed my ripped shirt. He has his arms raised with his hands intertwined behind his head walking on my right side with Liuer inbetween us and Bajie in front of us rambling on about different foods he hopes my village has for him to eat. I smirk softly smug that I made the great Dasheng embarrassed by showing only a little skin and a bit of cleavage. Though I'd rather it be on my own terms to show off this much of my body at once, I'm not displeased by his reaction.

(End of flashback.)

I'm smiling from the memory of our first meeting while laying my bedroll down near the fire at our camp for the night. We found an abandoned kingdom one of many since the troll and monster attacks started years ago, to set up camp in for the night.

We have been traveling for days on end only stopping to refill our water gourds, relieve ourselves, and to set up camp for the night. Then we eat, sleep, and repeat. So everyone is thoroughly exhausted besides Wukong of course. The mischievous monkey king seems to have a never endless supply of energy, along with an almost always present sour attitude.

He gets frustrated easily and likes to push people away rather than let them get close to him. He's tried to get rid of me countless times when I decided I was going to join him in his journey by constantly saying rude and snide remarks about me and quite literally ditching me in the forest several times but non of it phased me and I always found them again.

Recently I've been the only one able to get past the cold exterior of his, because if anyone ignores it and the rude comments he says they can see just how soft and caring he can be. Granted those moments are rare and far between it's still there, just masked so well most people can't see it and they'll choose to believe it never existed in the first place because of it.

"Oi what are you doing?" Wukong hisses baring his fangs a little and yanks my bedroll away from the fire and places it a good 6ft away from where it had been. "Hey what the hell!? I'm trying to set everything up so I can get some sleep soon I'm exhausted!" I snapped with a glare mad that he just messed up all my stuff. My blankets are all strewn about and my makeshift pillow fell off the roll when he dragged it away, so now it's laying in the dirt and dust that has accumulated on the abandoned kingdoms floor.

I stand up and snatch my pillow off the ground dusting it off and placing it back on my bed roll and then I make a move to, move it closer to the fire again because the stone floor is cold and there's a cold bite to the air tonight. But near the fire its warm and so are the stones which would make sleep tonight come much quicker and be much more pleasant. But before I can move it back Wukongs foot slams down onto the middle of my bedroll and refuses to budge despite my tugging.

I sigh heavily not in the mood to fight with him. This is one of those moments where outsiders would see Wukong as only a rude and crass man. But I know he's doing this for a reason, he isn't one to just be cruel to someone for the fun of it despite how he acts. I'm about to ask what that reason is when he sighs out while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You move that back and I wont help you when your bed catches fire tonight from being so close!" When he finished speaking he pulled his foot off my bed and walked away. My eyes widen in suprise at what he says and I huff knowing he's right I was too close and with stone floors any embers will just blow across the floor right at my very flammable bedding rather than landing on the ground and staying there until they burn out like they normally would. Instead of moving it back like I want to I decide to leave it where its at.

I can still feel the heat of the fire after all so it isn't that big of a deal it'll just take a little while to heat up my bedroll to a comfortable temperature with the cold stones below me. I'm about to get under my blankets and get some rest before it's my turn to keep watch after Bajie in a few hours when a blanket is thrown and hits me in the back of the head.

I gasp and whip around angrily seeing Wukong quickly slipping under his own blankets on his bedroll acting like he didn't just throw one of his blankets at me and hit me in the head with it while doing so. "What the fuck was that for!?" I snarled lowly trying not wake Liuer and An An who have been asleep since we started to set up camp. "So you won't catch your ass on fire! Now go to sleep!" He hisses his voice a pitch or two higher than normal as if he's embarrassed. I look at his back that's turned towards me with surprise that he would give me one of his blankets so I wouldn't be cold.

I hold up the tan colored blanket in my hands, it's the thickest blanket he has. He was even bragging about it when he got it just a few weeks ago, very much so full of himself and smug that he got such a deal for it that it was basically free. I hug it close to my chest for a moment feeling a warmth spread throughout me with a small smile on my face because even though his aim wasn't the best and his remark on it wasn't the nicest he just gave me his favorite blanket. Actions speak louder than words after all.

I lay down with the thick heavy blanket on top of me smelling faintly like Wukong. I snuggle further into my bedroll curling the blankets around myself tighter yawning before finally feeling safe and warm enough to fall asleep. My rest was dreamless, but deep and undisturbed until I woke up in what felt like only minutes of being asleep but must have been hours because Bajie was lightly shaking my shoulder to wake me and let me know it's now my turn to get up and keep watch for the rest of the night.

I didn't know just how exhausted I really was until I was woken up looking at Bajie with blurry eyes and confusion written all over my face. My body felt hot and heavy and I had to struggle to sit up out of my makeshift bed grumpy because I was sleeping so hard and well. Since the trolls first attacked my village I haven't been able to slip into that deep of a sleep because every little thing or noise would wake me up.

I was so scared something would happen while I was asleep thinking I wouldn't be able to protect myself if I allowed myself to sleep soundly. So sleep was light and restless because of my stress and paranoia of sudden attacks from the trolls. So the fact that a deep sleep came so easily to me tonight is a pleasant surprise and I'm non to happy with having it interrupted. My body is screaming at me to lay back down and escape back into the peaceful bliss of sleep once more.

I watch with a confused pout as Bajie slumps down onto his pile of blankets he calls a bed. I sigh heavily and stretch knowing I have to get up and keep watch just in case something happens, knowing seeing the threat first and being able to prepare for it is much better than being taken by surprise. I stand up still feeling confused, wondering about what was different about tonight and how I slept so soundly that I didn't even here Bajie approach which would have been easy for even a deep sleeper to hear, because while Bajie has good intentions most of the time, being quite is not one of his strong suits or something he tries to be for that matter.

The only difference I can think of would be Wukongs blanket. I flush at the thought feeling like my skin is burning. There's no way I took that much comfort from such a simple thing as having someone else's blanket and scent wrapped around me while I slept. I shake my head at the thought and glance over at Wukongs bedroll to see that he's not there.

I whip around looking for him around the room were in to see if maybe Bajie woke him and he was getting more fire wood for the dwindling fire but he's still no where to be seen. I walk over and reach into my pack retrieving my coat to wear since its colder than it was earlier that evening. After I slip it and my shoes on I walk over grabbing some firewood and tossing it onto the fire before leaving to take over watch for the evening, and if I'm lucky find where Wukong escaped too in the middle of the night again this time.

I search the perimeter around the part of the kingdom that we're camping out in to make sure nothing is lurking about just beyond the shadows, and when I'm satisfied with my search I start walking down one of the overgrown pathes in the middle of kingdom. I look around in awe because everything looks so fairytale like in the moon light tonight. Anyone else would probably think it's creepy or fear what they can't see in the dark and the stillness of it all would send chills up most spines but not me, I know what lurks in the dark and I'm not afraid anymore.

If those monster where to snatch me up and eat me or just plain out kill me they would have done so long ago. So the quite, moon lit, tranquil setting of this abonded kingdom is calming to me. I smile softly sitting down on a large boulder in the middle of what used to be the plaza of the kingdom.

My quite and tranquil atmosphere didn't last long when the momentarily forgotten Monkey King decided to make his presence known when I'm suddenly grabbed from behind with a hand clasped over my mouth to keep me from screaming. I squirm and thrash around trying escape my captures hold. One arm of mine is free and swing it back to elbow my attacker right in the stomach there's a loud grunt and I'm released. I jump up and whip around seeing Wukong hunched over holding his stomach with an equally playful and angered look in his eyes. "What the hell was that for!?" I yell at him more than pissed about the little stunt he just pulled on me. I walk up and hit him in the chest repeatedly both wanting and not wanting to hurt him.

He just huffed out a laugh and caught my hands in his loosely, leaning in close to my face I pull my head back but his hold on me stays. "One that didn't really hurt, and two you need to pay more attention when your on watch! You we're so zoned out, that you didn't even hear or notice me sneak up on you until I grabbed you. You could have been killed and you need to fight harder than an elbow blow to the stomach because that won't phase a troll or any other monster that attacks you and I can't let anything happen to you! Do you understand that! If you died I might as well have never left that fucking cave and this whole thing would be pointless without you here by my side!"

He's in my face as he says all this with a slight growl rumbling his chest with his fangs poking out more than usual from his snarled look. I'm shocked from what he says, angry at him for scaring me, embarrassed that I was so easily taken off guard, frustrated with him for doing this now when I've been throwing hints his way for months, and touched all at once for how much he just admitted that he cares for me even though he has a magnificent way of showing it.

My eyes widen at his confession my face feels like it's on fire and my heart is hammering inside of my chest and my frustration wins over my other emotions and I look up at him staring him right in the eye with frustration and lust. He realizes what he said and how close he is to me and his eyes widen, his ears pin to the sides of his head, and he lets go of my hands and he's about to pull away when I snatch the collar of his shirt and yank his face back down towards mine and kiss him roughly.

I move closer to him pressing my soft body against his hard one. I'm about to pull away because his lips stayed still when he growls loudly while winding his arms around me tightly, pressing close, and kissing me back just as rough. His fangs digging into the sides of my mouth sharply but not painfully. I moan and he pulls back chuckling breathlessly while I gasp trying to catch my breath. We stay holding each other tightly with our foreheads pressed together when I feel bumps under his shirt and they move. I jump slightly in shock and before Wukong figures out what I'm doing I pull back and slip my hands under his shirt, lifting it up as fast as possible before he can react or protest. What I find is his tail wrapped tightly around his torso.

I look up at him with surprise I never saw his tail before so I just assumed he didn't have one or something happened to it. I reach my hand out to touch his tail when he grabs my hands softly. "Its really sensitive, thats why I hide it, it's a weak point for me in fights. Someone can grab my tail and yank it and I would be crippled by the pain." He mumbles softly not looking me in the eye obviously embarrassed. He lets go of my hands and lets his shirt drop back down to cover his torso but he unravels his tail from around himself and it sways softly behind him. I cup his soft furry cheek in my hand and he leans into my touch with a huff. I lean forward and peck him on the lips again.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about Wukong. I honestly thought you didn't have a tail you do very well at hiding it and for good reason I don't think any less of you for it." I sigh out smiling softly up at him. He pouts and turns his head to the side but I notice his lips twitch up into a half smile and his shoulders slump down releasing the tension I didn't know he had, meaning he was worried about what I thought of him, because he was hiding his tail. "Didn't care if you did." He grumps out which obviously isn't true he secretly cares about my opinion more than he wants to admit and it makes me happy that my validation means so much to him. His arms wrap around my soft frame once more with a small tsk escaping him.

He kisses me softly almost unsurely until I bite his lip making him growl and press himself tighter to me while kissing me roughly. It didn't take long another nip or two at his bottom lip with his fangs pressed against the corners of my mouth and our tongues were battling for dominance. I was losing but not giving up easily. I move my left arm up and around his neck fisting the hair on the nape of his neck into my hand making him groan and in turn making me smirk and I'm letting him win for the moment his tongue exploring my mouth with vigor.

All while my right hand has been slowly snaking around his back and down his waist towards his tail. 'Sometimes in order to win the battle you have to play dirty.' I think when my hand finally wraps around his tail. He stops kissing me and jumps back with gasp looking at me with bewilderment. He's about to rip himself away from me when I start to softly rub his tail.

He lets out a shuttering moan that turns into a soft whimper and clasps his hand tightly around his mouth with wide eyes. I glance up at him with a surprised and sultry look and then glance back down at his tail in my hand. His hand drops from his mouth and joins his other in embracing me fully once more.

'Huh so it's "that" kind of sensitive as well.' I continue to rub softly as his hold on me tightens and his claw like nails start digging into the soft and supple flesh of my back. His fangs worrying his bottom lip and his face is contorted into pleasured frown. Despit his efforts to not make anymore noise he's rumbling softly from his chest like a deep purr. I grasp his tail a little more firmly and wrap my other hand around his hip grabbing his tail with both hands and giving it gentle squeezes and rubbing a bigger portion of it now.

He gasps and moans his hips snapping forwards towards mine impulsively and I didn't have time react I only got to hear his snarl before suddenly the wind was knocked out of me and I'm on my back on the cold stone floor of the kingdoms plaza with Wukong above me holding my hands above my head. I catch my breath and I'm about to question him when I look up into his eyes and his pupils are blown so wide I can hardly see his iris's in the moonlight and his breathing is ragged with his fangs bared in a snarl as he continues to growl lowly, he looks absolutely feral.

My breath comes out in soft desperate pants when he kisses me suddenly. Forcefully shoving his tongue inside my mouth. I moan and feel him shift just now realizing he was between my legs and decided since I already poked the bear I might as well push him over the edge completely. All it took was a raise of my hips allowing him to grind against me for him to loose control.

@rubysdeathspeak

[orcinus-ocean]

Zoos are frequently demonized in modern media and pop culture.

At worst, they are seen as cruel and degrading prisons for wildlife, where animals are abused and tormented for the sake of 'entertainment'.

At best, they are viewed as a necessary evil to keep endangered animals from going extinct, both as an "Ark" directly breeding animals, and as a fundraiser giving money to conservation work in the natural habitats of those animals, as well as giving the public direct contact with animals they would most likely never see alive.

But more and more, we hear phrases from zoo workers themselves, like;

"In a perfect world, zoos would not exist"

"It's not enough to keep animals in exhibits just for people to look at. There has to be a higher purpose." (Actual quote)

My question is: Why?

No one is demanding a higher purpose for us to keep dogs, cats, horses, cattle, pigs, rats, rabbits, even 'exotic' and non-domestic animals like snakes, parrots and aquarium fish.

As long as it's a 'typical' species owned as a pet, it seems it needs no justification (excluding livestock for food and clothing as that is an obvious 'higher purpose', even though not everyone likes it).

If someone wants to own any of those animals 'ust to look at it', almost no one will argue that there needs to be a 'higher purpose'.

"You can't just own a pet snake. You need to donate money to snake conservation, or you're a terrible human being!"

"You can't just walk your dog and rub its belly for your own enjoyment. You have to give to dog shelters, educate people on dogs and raise awareness of the hardships dogs face, or you're a hypocrite."

I have never heard anyone say anything even remotely like this.

Turn of the 20th century, polar bears at Belle Island Zoo.

There seems to be a common conception among the general public that zoos are still the bare 'prison cells' of the late 19th century to early 20th century, like the polar bear cage above.

Back then, the zoo owners and keepers were not trying to be cruel, they simply needed the enclosures to be practical and easy to clean, for the sake of the animals' hygiene and health.

No doubt they were ignorant about their animals' needs, compared to today, but they were not purposely cruel.

Bars look very bad to us, simply for being bars, bringing the mind to prisons. Bars were for keeping both animals and people safe, but they have in later decades been replaced by things like moats and glass, to make the zoo guests feel more comfortable looking at the animals (sometimes actually endangering animals and guests, when it makes it easier for guests to get inside the enclosure).

Still, no doubt, zoos have vastly improved in the past century, as much as (if not more than) our fields of modern healthcare and technology. Today's world is nothing like 1910, and the same is true for zoos.

The animal experts that work for zoos today, know so much more about diets, healthcare, enrichment, adequate enclosure size, material, and simply put, each species' needs to live a healthy and fulfilled life in an artificial environment.

Photos like these give the public the impression that these animals spend their entire lives in small, bare, prison-like enclosures.

...while in fact, they spend most of their time in large habitats like these, and the small enclosures are just night quarters for care and safety, just like a dog crate, a horse stall, or a child's bedroom.

"We don't lock people in unless they're criminals", some say.

First, I don't know any modern zoo that resembles any prison I've ever seen.

Second, we lock our pets in. We lock children in. Many animals can be roughly compared to a two year old child, in awareness and understanding of our world. Would you let a two year-old roam the streets at night, free to come and go as he wished? Of course not. He would get himself badly hurt or killed. Add to that a two year old that is potentially very dangerous to the public, like a lion or elephant.

This is something not many seem to consider, but pet owners have absolutely no business criticizing zoos. Or people who eat meat, or consume products that exploit or harm animals in any way (this includes vegans, as it is simply impossible to live in modern society and avoid engaging in industries that exploit or harm animals).

As a pet owner, whether your pet is a dog, cat, rabbit, budgie, goldfish, ferret, snake, or anything else, you are confining that animal. You are giving it an 'unnatural' existence. Exotic species like budgies and snakes recently came from the wild, and have barely changed - if at all - from their wild ancestors. It is impossible to replicate their natural habitat in a home.

If it is a domestic animal, like a dog or a rabbit, the only way it has changed from its wild ancestors, is being less afraid, more amenable to handling, making it easier to have loose in the house (dogs and cats), and their appearance being changed slightly.

It is still the same animal, with the same needs as its wild ancestors.

If you own pets like this rabbit, you have no ground whatsoever on which to criticize modern zoos.

And even if you live in a mansion where your little toy poodle has the run of the house - that is a confined animal in an unnatural existence.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this, at all.

I'm sure that little toy poodle gets plenty of exercise, company, great food and fresh water, and its mind is properly stimulated. I'm sure that little dog would rather live there, warm and comfortable with a roof over its head, than out in the forest, at the mercy of the elements and its own hunting skills.

I'm sure a snake has an easier life in a terrarium, its environment always controlled to the perfect temperature and humidity, and never having to go hungry or thirsty, let alone worry about being eaten itself.

Pets, when cared for by good owners who truly take the time to find out how to best care for their animals, have in general very good lives. Better than they would in the wild, or a 'natural' existence.

The same is true for zoos.

The animals don't have an endless wilderness to roam - because they don't need to.

Animals only need enough space to stimulate them physically and mentally, and get 'personal space' from other animals, if there are many of them, to avoid conflict.

They only roam vast areas in the wild to find enough food, and for some, to avoid predators.

In the wild, they have to struggle to find food, starve if they can't, fight for mates, fight with or live under constant stress from fleeing from predators or rivals, be exposed to nature and its elements, have to fight off disease and parasites, and almost always die young.

In modern zoos, they always have the perfect diet prescribed by experts of the species, readily available. They never have to risk bodily injury just to find food or mate. They never have to worry about being hunted. They never have to worry about finding a safe place to rest, or dying from exposure. They never have to worry about parasites.

If they get sick, a team of top veterinarians and animal care staff who have trained all their adult lives for this exact purpose, are right there to help comfort and heal the animal.

And when some zoo animals die young, it is either due to congenital conditions that no one could help, wherever the animal lived, or it was euthanized. Killed quickly and painlessly.

Killer whale at SeaWorld San Diego

Why would someone need to justify that?

Keeping animals in the equivalent of 5-star hotels, free for a lifetime, is not something you should lower yourself to have to 'justify'.

The claim is that "zoos need to exist only to save animals from extinction. If wildlife was completely safe, zoos would be pointless".

It is true that zoos play an important role in conservation. It is true that if you have the power, like the money zoos are making, and the outreach they have through their guests, it is moral and right of you to do something to help.

A zoo that did nothing but exist, would not necessarily be very 'noble'.

But the point of this article is that they don't have to. It is not an automatic obligation, anymore than you as a dog owner are obliged to give to dog shelters, just because you have extra money, or educate people on the street petting your dog, about dogs. And that if you didn't do this, you would have no right to keep a dog 'imprisoned'.

Maybe you just want to have a dog?

And maybe someone just wants to have their animal collection, and let paying visitors come and look at it?

That is how zoos started. Wealthy and powerful people have kept exotic animal menageries for thousands of years. It was only in the middle of the 19th century that the public zoo was created, where the public was allowed to view these menageries, of course for a fee which helps pay for the upkeep of the animals.

What zoos are doing, when they try to justify themselves, is telling the public "our critics are completely right. Everything they say about zoos being 'horrible animal prisons', is right. We wish zoos didn't exist, but we are a necessary evil. Please just let us exist a little while longer, then we will go away, when we no longer need to abuse animals for conservation."

That is what one hears, when these zoo workers are essentially apologizing for their work existing.

As long as zoos aren't doing anything to harm wildlife, by removing animals from the wild without giving anything back to the wild populations, or by mistreating the animals in their care, they don't have to justify a thing.

[d-noona]

MAKE OVER

Chapter 16: New Year’s Eve | FINAL

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

The party was in full swing, a large motley collection of people having gathered in the Jung's house to celebrate New Year's Eve, plus the engagement of Hoseok to his long-time girlfriend slash next door neighbor, Kang Hyeonji.

As the glamorous guest of honor, the happy couple were dressed for the part. The proud groom-to-be was resplendent in stylish Balenciaga navy trousers, an open neck Gucci blue shirt and a suave cream silk sports jacket by Supreme. is bride-to-be was stunning in a strapless party dress of emerald satin by Chanel, with an even more stunning emerald and gold choker gracing her elegant neck. It had been a Christmas present from her adorning fiance, one of many he'd lavished on her during the past year.

Hoseok had, in fact spoiled Hyeonji rotten with gifts of expensive clothes and jewelry, not to mention his myriad smaller purchases of chocolates, flowers and perfume. He'd taught her to drive in his precious car, and would've bought him a new car if she'd let him. Then there were the fantasy getaways he'd taken her on, weekends here and there at romantic places designed to seduce and soften even the hardest of hearts. Not that Hyeonji was a hard girl. Hoseok knew she wasn't.

But she'd been surprisingly difficult to win, he'd found to his consternation. He'd never been quite sure of her feelings. She'd keep him dangling, had often been late for dates, and had sometimes even dared to cancel them. He'd never quite known where he stood with her, which had been both irritating and intriguing. Only in the love making department had he been sure of his domination over her. There, she was a putty in his hands, melting at his touch, quick to be aroused and always willing, no matter how often he wanted her, or where.

She'd never said no, even when there;d been some danger of being discovered. His choosing precarious places, such as behind rocks at the beach or in a sparsely filled movie theater - had sometimes soothed the sense of emotional insecurity she instilled in him, he'd almost felt loved. There'd been no doubt she craved him sexually; could not deny him. But was that love?

Till Christmas Day, when he'd produced an engagement ring for her which would have done Elizabeth Taylor proud. It was huge brilliant-cut yellow Argyle diamond, set in white gold. But it had been his words as he'd given it to her that had seemed to do the trick. "This cost me a fortune, Hyeonji," he said. "But a fortune means nothing to me without you. Marry me, my darling. I love you so much and I think you love me. You don't have to say you do if you don't want to but it would be nice, just once, to hear it from your lips."

Hyeonji had stared at him and then burst into tears. He gathered her to him and heard the words he'd been dying to hear all year. "Of course I love you. Don't you know that yet? I love you, Hoseok. With all of my heart, I love you. I love you..."

He looked over at her now across the crowded living room and caught her eye. She smiled at him, brown eyes sparkling. It wasn't so much different from the smiles she'd given him before, but tonight he saw the love in them. Why hadn't he seen it before? Hoseok was about to walk across the room to join her when someone tapped him on the elbow.

"Hello, you gorgeous hunk, you. If I wasn't married, you know, I'd given Hyeonji a run for her money." It was Choon Hee, from the library. One of Hyeonji's best friends.

Hoseok smiled "You would have to be good."

Choon Hee nodded up and down. "You're right. Hyeonji's a grand girl and I'm very happy for her. You don't know how lucky you are."

"Oh, I think I do..."

"She's loved you for so long, you know." says Choon Hee

Hoseok was about to say he didn't know at all when he stopped himself. It was then he realized Choon Hee was off in another world, smiling at something in her head.

"I can still remember the day she came into the library and told me about Mr X. You must remember Mr X, Hoseok," she added, glancing up at him.

"Only too well," Hoseok said dryly, and he lifted the glass he was holding to his lips.

Choon Hee chuckled. "I nearly cracked up when she told me about him, especially when she said you hadn't twigged. I mean...you have to admit it's very funny, but rather typical of men, not seeing beyond their nose. But I dare say you've laughed together about it since."

"Laughed about what?"

"About you being Mr X, of course."

Hoseok's drink froze midway to his mouth. He stared at Choon Hee over the glass. She grimaced, then groaned. "Oh, dear heaven, you didn't know. I always assumed she'd told you. Oh Lord!"

Hoseok could hardly think. He was Mr X. His head spun with the news, and all it implied. Hyeonji had loved him all along. But she'd also lied to him, laughed at him, manipulated him. She'd been a schemer, as Tinashe had warned she was. He recoiled at his thought, and his feelings showed on his face.

"Don't you dare take that attitude," Choon Hee warned.

"Dont you DARE! That girl loves you. No, she adores and worships you. Always has done. But did you ever see it? Not on your nelly! You sailed on through your glamorous privileged life, tossing her a few crumbs from your table when it suited you. You didn't give a fig for her feelings. You took her for granted and you broke her heart."

"But that's not..."

"Oh, shut up and listen!" Choon Hee snapped. "So what if she protected her self-esteem by inventing Mr X? So what if she had some fun with it? She'd had little enough fun in her life at that point in time. Give credit where credit is due, Hoseok. When she saw her chance she went after what she wanted. She changed for you, lied for you, fought for you. And she won you, by God - won your love and your respect. Look at her, Hoseok. She's beautiful and very brave woman; a woman in a million. Don't you dare tell her I told you about Mr X. Don't take her pride. Go on letting her think you believe she once had a Mr X in her life, because maybe she needs that Maybe she...Oh my God, she's coming over. Promise me, Hoseok. Promise me, you won't tell her I told you."

"I promise Choon," he said faithfully. "And thank you...for making me finally see the light."

Hoseok watched the girl he loved walk towards them, a lovely smile on her lovely face. He felt humbled and incredibly moved as the full import of Choon Hee's words sank in. Hyeonji had always loved him. Oh, how cruel life could be sometimes. And how wonderful. He saw now why he loved her so much. Because she loved him so much. He must have sensed in it at some subconscious level, had known that to let her go would be the worst, most stupid thing he could ever do. He vowed now he'd never let her go. Never.

"What are you two sneaky devils talking about over here?" she asked, glancing from one to another. "You two were looking rather very serious, Choon Hee. You too love."

Hoseok's heart kicked over. Never had the word "love" on her lips sounded so sweet, or so touching. He wound his arm around her slender waist and pulled her against him. "We were having a very serious discussion on having children in this day and age, weren't we Choon?"

Choon Hee laughed. He could see the flicker of surprised pleasure in her eyes "I've been wanting to discuss children with you. I would like to have a baby quite soon, but I wasn't sure about you..."

No, he thought, understanding dawning. She still wasn't sure of him. It was a cruel legacy of all those years when he hadn't noticed her, hadn't wanted her. That's why she kept him unsure. She'd been protecting herself, had made him keep proving his love over and over. There was still a lot of work to be done, he realized, before she would feel totally secure in his love. But having children together would be a good start. He gave her a reassuring smile, and a loving squeeze.

Hyeonji gave a self-conscious laugh. "How about nine months after the wedding day?"

"How about six?" he returned, squeezing her again. The wedding date has been set in March.

"I think this conversation is getting too private for me," Choon Hee exited.

"Hoseok laughed "I like your Choon Hee. I think we'll ask her to be Godmother to our first child."

"Our...first child?"

"You don't honestly think we're going to have only one child, do you? Only children are notoriously spoiled."

"Yes, well..."

He kissed her. Then kissed her again. "Wanna get out of here?" he murmured

"Where?"

"Your room" Hoseok smirked.

Hyeonji sucked in a startled breath. "Mine? But it...it only has a single bed in it."

Hoseok took her hand and began drawing her from her room. "Single beds were just made for lovers." Hoseok loved her, Hyeonji, the simple, solid girl who'd always loved him. He would make sure she would never doubt it again, and he would never cause her to.

Midnight came with cheers and shouts, whistles and car horns. People spilled out of houses into the streets below. Everyone was kissing.

No one missed the guests of honor.

Back to Masterlist

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: I'm so sorry James: I was supposed to be working Ava: Everyone's here, it'd be stupid to say I was surprised and yet Ava: it's fine though, right, because everyone is here James: If I did get caught up in regrets, this would be a good time James: because everyone may well be here but since you are, they may as well not be as far as every part of me is concerned Ava: You can't just say things like that Ava: and NOT expect me to blush Ava: at least it's hot out James: you know I don't expect anything James: least of all at this precise moment Ava: Sadly Ava: Aside from work, where have you been? Ava: No, the question is how, how have you been? James: other than the fact I can't help but notice you now or think about you since the 'then' of last seeing you in an entirely preferably context, I'm fine James: you look more tan, which means I don't need to ask how you are Ava: You are hard to miss Ava: but still undeniably gorgeous, which is really rather rude, actually Ava: I've not been kidnapped by anyone else Ava: lots of time to sunbathe and 'work', if that's what you're into James: if I blush it'll be a green screen effect of sorts, except very red, so don't try & make me, please James: you are incomparable as having the title of the only beautiful 🍅 James: which is, of course, what I'm into, along with what you just listed, as well as many things about you I easily could list Ava: As you asked SO nicely Ava: I too will be very, very good Ava: you are always unmatched with compliments and words too but beautiful 🍅 is up there as the top 😂 Ava: How easily are we talking? James: You must because this outfit has an unmistakable 😈 countenance to it & despite the fact that's less in the sense of roguishness I would like & more in the guise of a child's cartoon creation, it nevertheless still casts you as an 😇 James: thank you James: oh, the ease is almost indescribable itself, ironically Ava: I can't decide if it'd be cruel or a kindness to say you are not the only, nor indeed the most, cartoonishly dressed man here Ava: It's a shame not everything is that easy Ava: or you could regale me over a drink James: perhaps it exists to be both, or to allow you the chance of being cruel to be kind James: in the way that the best offer I can make is, that I order you a drink that we then consume at the same time James: safer but no kinder for being that Ava: Dichotomies are just where things get really interesting Ava: I can handle that James: in the world of rewrites there's one where we're here together & another where we're somewhere else entirely, where we would rather while away these warm hours James: those possibilities are interesting to me Ava: Those are more than interesting Ava: especially the way you tell them James: tell me where you wish you were Ava: Okay, though it feels dangerous to let my imagination wander, it won't want to come back Ava: not in such an uninspiring reality, and especially not if I let it go to you Ava: if we could be anywhere Ava: it probably sounds seriously unimaginative, given the open-ended possibility of the scenario, but my favourite place is my rooftop garden, off from my bedroom, it's so peaceful and hidden and mine Ava: I'd like to take you there James: It doesn't sound in the least un-anything & I can definitely work with that James: [casually but not at all casually just writes them an au life, all the while Chlo is probably like get off your phone] Ava: James Ava: that is Ava: very close to perfect James: I'll willingly accept constructive criticism until it's perfect for you Ava: I don't know how capable I am after that Ava: and it's only not perfect because it's not happening James: but we'll meet in the rooftop garden one day James: dream it if you have to Ava: I've done nothing but dream of you since Ava: but will I have to Ava: can't we carve out even five minutes of time for us to just James: I want to say yes Ava: I know James: Ava Ava: and I know that sentence ended with a but, it's okay James: I heard you say earlier that it's fine because everyone is here, maybe it could be Ava: My friends are easily distracted, definitely Ava: your wife, though? James: it's unlikely she'll miss me for five minutes Ava: yeah? James: where? Ava: Okay, I've got it Ava: we drove here, Jacob just got his license and wanted to go somewhere Ava: I'll go to get something I forgot, follow me when it's safe James: okay Ava: Sadly, he doesn't have the Twilight soundtrack Ava: but we can make do James: I don't have the voice to do such classics justice but that's not to say I won't try my best to give you something you'll enjoy listening to Ava: I've missed your voice James: I won't stop talking until you don't James: a lack of words simply isn't an option around you Ava: might prove problematic when I tell you what else I've missed Ava: but we've got five minutes Ava: we'll make the most of it James: yes, we will James: until the next five Ava: How do you do it? James: how do I do what? Ava: have so much self-control James: is that how it appears? Ava: I know, me asking you Ava: I can see the irony but, yes Ava: it is how it appears James: I've never had less control over myself or the things I would like to do James: all traces there were seem to have ebbed away when we kissed in that club Ava: I'll apologize Ava: if that's what you want James: it's not James: because I've never been more grateful to lose something either Ava: Good Ava: because I don't want to be sorry Ava: it was so Ava: and you are James: I don't want to be in control, you can have it James: or not James: whatever you like Ava: I just want you Ava: Exactly as you are, exactly as you want to be wanted James: okay, I was possibly hasty when I said that there would always be words Ava: aren't you aware of how entirely wantable you are? James: no Ava: I've got the keys Ava: come find out James: [obviously does as soon as he can] Ava: [lowkey pulling him into this car] James: [thank god there actually would be so many people there, Chloe's squad included cos we busy for a while here] Ava: [everyone's busy getting wasted you can have this, not for as long as you want but still] James: [yes because contrary to his wife's post he is not & will not be getting wasted] Ava: [you rude hoe] James: [if you only knew what he is doing bitch] Ava: [ha, just you wait sweetie, also glad you don't know rn, 'cos enjoy it lads] James: [always hooking up in cars, love that for you] Ava: [forever a sneaking mood] James: [JJ would approve] Ava: [#bonding] James: [it's gonna break their hearts when they have to go back] Ava: [I know, like how do you even just like well bye] James: [I literally always think that] Ava: [and someone always has to be the first to walk away] James: [in this instance it should be her because we all know she's the stronger one here] Ava: [yeah, you gotta girl] James: [bad bitch global like it's not killing you too] Ava: [this is all so fine, we just need to keep far, far away from wherever Chlo is and definitely give Teddy a wide berth too] James: [literally your mother's daughter rn as the world burns around you, nah it's fine] Ava: [tah for that skill mother] James: [god knows one of your children should inherit it] Ava: Can I have that drink you offered now James: yes Ava: thanks Ava: [just milling at the sidelines of the bar, so casually] James: [cannot and must not look at her which only makes it look more suspect tbh sir] Ava: [awkward, we know it's packed and this will take ages] James: [regrets that you say you don't have or do ever James but here we are, boy] James: [at least you can grab drinks for everyone you're with and pretend that's where you were some of the time] Ava: [we know no one is checking that hard, even Chlo, part-timer that she is, and that makes me sad tbh] James: [hard same] James: how many has Teddy bought for you since you've been here? Ava: just the two Ava: no Ava: three James: you better take mine as well then Ava: why? James: sibling rivalry or the fact you'll be trying to avoid him for a while, depending on from whose perspective Ava: Fair enough James: nothing feels very fair right now Ava: No Ava: also true James: would you like me to leave? Ava: No Ava: Do you want me to? James: of course not Ava: I'm not going to do anything to make this hard for you, James Ava: you know that, right? James: my life is already difficult, Ava, I should be saying that to you, making sure yours doesn't have to be Ava: You won't make my life difficult James: that isn't true Ava: How do you know? James: because Ava: Have your word not come back fully yet? James: because I've done this before Ava: not with me James: I'm involved, that's enough Ava: What do you want to say right now? James: I don't know Ava: Well, you can say it if you need to Ava: or you can not Ava: I'm fine James: how do you do it? Ava: how do I do what? James: be fine with this Ava: I like you Ava: I knew you were married Ava: what's the alternative for me James: I'm not going to point any out to you James: I don't want you to take them Ava: You know I don't want to either Ava: you haven't forgotten everything that just happened James: no, & that's why James: I like you but this is always going to be hard Ava: What's always? Ava: you haven't promised me anything but another five minutes James: Ava Ava: James Ava: You don't have to worry about me James: nevertheless, I do James: I will, because we don't get to decide how we care Ava: I know you're right Ava: and I know I care about you too and I feel the same James: I know I'd give you those five minutes now if I could James: so I want you to know it Ava: You've already answered the question you didn't pose Ava: I don't get to decide how I care any more than you do James: but you get to decide other things Ava: such as James: such as how far you're willing to take something James: or not James: if you think someone is deserving of how you care about them, or not Ava: that'd be a mutual decision, even if we got off at different points Ava: and yeah, though the jury is out on how much that helps you to stop if they aren't James: it has yet to be a mutual decision in any other aspect of my life Ava: Try it with me Ava: it's been mutual so far Ava: we want each other Ava: we have each other Ava: we both like and care about each other Ava: it's equal not the same James: okay, I'll try Ava: do you want to? James: yes Ava: Alright Ava: that's settled James: [finally does look at her like that's not risky as hell behaviour okay then] Ava: [smiling like that didn't kill you but it very clearly did like hi] James: [when you can't help smiling back cos she's such a cute babe and you have feelings] Ava: [just another filmic moment across this bar] James: [so casual so fine] Ava: [when you can't just run off again like you wanna] James: [nobody wants a drink this bad, the torture] Ava: [seriously] James: [we should say Teddy appears cos not gonna inflict Chloe on y'all ever and then he can grab him to talk before he sees her so Ava doesn't have to like the gentleman he is] Ava: [God bless you boy, soz Teddy it's not personal] James: [I would love to know why he thinks the vibe has changed between him and Ava recently/if he has even noticed lol] Ava: [at least he is a teen boy so he probably has no idea in general, like thinks she just doesn't fancy you back which is true but you know] James: [#confirmed when she throws her cousin at you at her party] Ava: [lil awks but we're fine] James: [they gonna fall in love it'll be cute] Ava: [it all works out in the end] James: [you're welcome for us not being as evil as we could be for once] Ava: [just on this one thing] James: [when you have to make awks smalltalk with your brother now who's probably wasted and you're not] Ava: [that'll be fun, just catching his eye well stealth like soz 😬] James: [the things you do for love] Ava: [gonna make one of your mates text Teddy to 'see where he is' so he'll leave James alone lol] James: thank you Ava: Bit rude he's got himself well more than three drinks 😏 James: however, potentially not the time for me to give him any kind of lecture, all things considered Ava: Perhaps not Ava: Sorry, I know it's weird James: it is, but you know I'm not feeling apologetic about it Ava: That would fall under a regret, so of course not James: I'm going to miss you though Ava: When? James: now Ava: Me too Ava: stand near me, in the next race? James: I may be good with words, but you're unbeatable in terms of ideas Ava: 😊 Ava: I try Ava: anyway, missing me is for when we can't be anywhere near each other, most of the time James: of course you do, hence Kings remains in continued mourning that they aren't your first choice James: arguably that could just be the standard atmosphere at The Vault these days, who can say? Ava: 😂 Ava: well I miss it too Ava: though probably not enough to bump it up the list James: I'll make sure to include missing things for the right reasons as one of the key messages in my book, don't worry Ava: Really, using you as a ploy when you won't even be there next year is well sneaky Ava: should've put that on my exit review James: at least they wouldn't ask me to do any further tours in the future if you had Ava: didn't you enjoy it James: the reason I did & the reason you miss The Vault's glorious atmosphere are one & the same Ava: if you put that on yours they'd definitely not ask you back James: I already have my wife's assurances that I won't be Ava: 😕 soz to next year's intake but I'm not that sorry really James: It's unlikely they'd be that unhappy, even if they knew what they were missing Ava: They would be if they really knew James: once the book comes out, I'll send them my condolences Ava: as long as you keep it out of my dedication, I'd be alright with that James: some flowers, wine or fruit, nothing too indelicate Ava: very thoughtful 😏 James: the budget can't stretch to bracelets for everyone, for which I am the least sorry I have ever been Ava: I'd like to be somewhat special Ava: and if anyone else tries it, it's definitely a scam, I'm sure of it James: I'll refuse to watch the Twilight saga with anyone else, darling Ava: Good Ava: Who else will explain all the nuances to you Ava: can't risk it James: I will not, some risks are beyond unnecessary Ava: never the novel, babe James: or the film adaptation, irrespective of any reservations the fans and critics alike may share Ava: 🤞 they don't think I'm nothing like your description of the girl James: if they do it's a slight upon my writing, heartbreaking perhaps but they are entitled to their opinion Ava: can't account for taste but lackthereof is always unfortunate James: it very much is, as this outfit I'm wearing attests James: the opposite is very much true for yours though Ava: I'm never looking to break your heart James: but? Ava: I might have tried a bit harder if I knew I was going to see you James: you look divine, radiant as ever Ava: You're so lovely James: as are you Ava: you Ava: when are you next free Ava: or how busy are you, probably a better question James: I'll get back to you, given that I'm here now when I was not supposed to be, clearly my schedule is more up in the air than I previously realised Ava: you think with it being such a calendar staple, you'd have had more notice on that James: that would involve talking to me, or wanting me have notice Ava: of course 🙄 Ava: if you were my husband Ava: or lived with me Ava: well, you understand Ava: I want to talk to you so bad James: if you were my wife you wouldn't have to drag me anywhere against my will James: because I want to spend time with you Ava: I won't make you commit bigamy to spend time with me, rest assured James: eloping would take longer than 5 minutes Ava: I know Ava: my family has a history James: yes, your brother's particular history still gets spoken about Ava: Unfortunately James: sorry Ava: His sorry to give, not yours Ava: and I'm not out here holding my breath over it James: of course, but I didn't intend to bring him up James: this situation is tense enough Ava: Yours is literally here Ava: like we said, weird, but not sorry James: okay Ava: Thank God, when you move away, one of the perks is you don't have to come to this kind of nonsense James: you're not having fun? James: I'm stunned Ava: animal abuse for gambling is what I live for James: I'm well aware of why I'm here, why are you? Ava: My friends are James: what are they? James: actual fans of animal abuse for gambling? Ava: I think they just like getting drunk Ava: and putting on nice outfits James: you can do that anywhere Ava: you don't get to wear a big hat Ava: I don't know James: perhaps they should all get married to each other, that's a basic requirement Ava: Give them a few years Ava: sure they will James: I'll be sure to check back in Ava: What's wrong? James: nothing James: I just don't like to think about you somewhere you wish you weren't James: with people who aren't the right people Ava: It's alright, we go places I like too Ava: and they aren't all bad James: happy to hear it Ava: even if they're all slightly too drunk right now Ava: so's most the crowd so Ava: fit right in James: I can get you a car, one that you won't have to wait for your friend to drive, whenever you like James: we aren't both stuck Ava: that's kind Ava: but then I would be at home Ava: no one's about so James: how tempting Ava: If only Ava: you are stuck though James: Technically, I can't leave until she tells me I can but what if I didn't? So far as she's concerned, I could still be James: fitting into that crowd of mostly too drunk people Ava: Is she that oblivious? James: she's had that much champagne Ava: Tempting is right James: if she realises, she'll call me & I'll come back Ava: Okay Ava: it isn't that far Ava: and it is hard being around you and not James: so take me to your rooftop garden James: I wanna go Ava: I don't take just anyone there, you know Ava: you're very lucky James: well I'm just happy to be on the list, however long it is James: & intend to show my appreciation accordingly Ava: it'd be ungrateful if you just stayed five minutes Ava: at least ten, okay? James: oh, I don't want that to be your lasting impression of me James: how long into Twilight does your favourite scene occur? Ava: I wouldn't wanna ruin your rep as a perfect gentleman, either Ava: although the best scene is at the end, I'll be pondering one that comes a little sooner Ava: not trying to take liberties here James: you don't want an ending yet, I understand James: me either Ava: exactly Ava: maybe we can get to the scene where Bella gets forced to go shopping with her friends and Edward comes to rescue her Ava: fitting James: another good idea Ava: we'll have to have a picnic instead of going out after though James: that sounds nice Ava: God knows what we have in Ava: could be interesting Ava: I'll feed it to you whilst you recline nonetheless James: thank you James: in that case, I'll barely taste it Ava: you will be very busy writing me poetry, yeah James: writing you as poetry, so nobody can make unfavourable comparisons when you make your acting debut, yes Ava: my drama teacher will be thrilled Ava: not that she'll be there, obviously James: I'd rather she wasn't Ava: 😂 Ava: Promise James: thank you James: she wasn't a member of my fan club Ava: What did you do? Ava: or not do James: I'm not sure I should tell you, it's not as if you need any help coming up with ideas Ava: Well now you have to tell me James: let's just say my time was not well spent, either back stage or on it, in her opinion James: at the time however, I had a great time James: as did my co-stars & most of the crew James: I'm surprised you haven't heard about it Ava: 😏 Ava: It's nothing personal, I'm sure your exploits are legendary Ava: I just don't go in for all that stuff Ava: who's who, who's dad is who, you know James: They were more fabled, as in, in need of a strong moral James: hence the cautionary tale I expected you to be well versed in James: but perhaps she's learned those are rarely effective Ava: After-school specials certainly aren't the height of theatre Ava: even if she's become more willing to branch into 21st century plays and productions Ava: I could ask around, if you like Ava: or you can tell me more in less vague terms when we're alone James: what would you like? James: to know who I was, to know who I am or both? Ava: If we only have time for the one today, I'll go with the latter Ava: but both would be nice Ava: if and when James: okay, I'll see what I can do Ava: I remember you, a bit James: oh Ava: You were friends Ava: for quite a while James: I suppose so James: hypothetically Ava: What do you mean? James: I mean, we weren't, really James: but as far as he was friends with any of us, or any of us were friends with each other, I fall into the category Ava: I suppose so James: should I ask what you remember about me? Ava: Nothing incriminating Ava: you were all the same, in that I was the kid sister who he definitely did not want around so James: I think I remember you ignoring that at least once Ava: Well, can't do what he says, obviously James: you're smarter than that Ava: even as a kid Ava: much to his annoyance 💔 James: he was easy to annoy, that I do recall Ava: Still is James: thank goodness he won't be there either then Ava: on many levels, yes, thank God James: the car has arrived though James: [deets so she doesn't get in the wrong one] Ava: 🙏 all the thanks Ava: coming James: I'm beyond happy to hear it Ava: [show up girl] James: [the 😍 are real af] Ava: [too real] James: [lowkey dragging her into this car but at least she isn't at the school gates in her uniform this time] Ava: [you know what would be evil-er than not letting them get there alone?] James: [tell me gal] Ava: [if one of her friends sees them leaving 'cos nosy hoes but they're too far away/she doesn't know who Ava is somehow so it's just like he was leaving with some bitch thought you should know, 'cos Chlo will be fuming to be so publically shamed] James: [yasss we have to] Ava: [I thought it'd be a good idea 'cos everyone knows her life a mess and her friends' clearly love it so they'd be 👀 him anyway] James: [like I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he fucked some of her friends when they were younger and he was a mess cos I feel like he didn't go to rehab and sort his shit until well after Jay was born] Ava: [we all know this group been messy, even if they're not as bad as her by now, like] James: [oh god she gonna be so raging I love it] James: [enjoy your car makeout while you can you two] James: [maybe she's a newer friend and that's why she doesn't know who Ava is] Ava: [that'd make sense, like either way, we don't need to drop that bombshell right now, but we can do the Chlo telling him to come back convo 'cos she's drunk so it'd be delightful] James: [yeah it'd make sense as well that if she's a newer friend she wouldn't know it's better not to get involved with their cheating and that whole mess, and yeah we simply must do that convo] Ava: [exactly, hence Chlo is probs crying on her rn for the scene of it all] James: [of course, nevermind the fact that you're probably fucking god knows who yourself] Ava: [honestly, what a fun time] James: [okay so he turns the car around and goes back leaving it up to her if she wants to get out and go back to her friends or go home still #awkward] Ava: [imma say she goes home 'cos Chlo probably spilled what's up before he can get back and clearly this friend is too involved and we don't need y'all being outed and them tryna fight you rn] James: [good call, what a downer though, poor Ava at least you can call Grace if you need to talk cos she knows] Ava: [no one needs that level of public shaming lmao] James: [except Chlo but not like this thank you] Ava: [hence even as wasted as she is, they'll be leaving too to have this argument a little more privately, joy of joys] James: [thank god the kids are already with her mum or wherever] Ava: [gonna be sleeping over tonight gals] James: [do you wanna pick this convo up later or like say they don't talk for a bit cos it's awkward lol] Ava: [up to you chicken, 'cos he'd probably have to start in considering how obviously shook/angered etc he would've been in the car so] James: [let;s say he leaves it til way later to the point she probably thinks he isn't gonna but I shall] James: she still doesn't know anything, you don't need to be concerned Ava: She must know something Ava: unless you made her believe her friend was lying, for some reason James: I should have said she doesn't know anything about you, who you are James: that's what I meant Ava: Okay Ava: that's for the best, no doubt Ava: are you okay? James: not really but I don't have anyone else to blame Ava: I'm sorry Ava: I assume there's nothing I can do? James: unfortunately not Ava: Yeah Ava: I shouldn't have said we could James: it isn't your fault James: I should've known better, I typically do, it's just that you aren't typical, at all James: I feel differently & I wanted things to be different so badly that I forgot they can't be Ava: How do you typically do it then? Ava: We could do that James: more carefully James: with less emotion Ava: I can do careful Ava: contrary to what today would suggest Ava: and before, probably James: like I said, it isn't your fault James: you're 17, why should you be careful, why would you want to? Ava: because I knew you were married Ava: and I want to see you James: I'll let you sleep, it's very late James: I just wanted to let you know that your identity is unknown Ava: If you need to say we can't then just say it Ava: because I don't care about either of those things James: whether I need to say it or not, I'm not sure I can & extremely sure I don't want to Ava: You can say anything to me Ava: just don't lie James: if I could see you now, right this second, I would, I haven't learned anything from this James: don't you see how dangerous that is? Ava: I see how dangerous it is Ava: if you want to stay with her Ava: why do you? James: there are two reasons & I have to go collect them both in a few hours Ava: Then I'll let you sleep James: nothing's that simple, Ava James: if only Ava: you don't want me to say anything in response to that Ava: or you wouldn't have brought them up James: you asked me why right after you asked me not to lie to you Ava: Yeah, I'm hardly meant to argue a point against it Ava: if that's how it is then that's how it is James: I don't have a choice, I've never had a choice, that's how it is Ava: Why? James: because I made mistakes that took them all away James: I'm a father now Ava: No, it's not that simple Ava: people separate, with kids as well James: it is that simple, if I want to keep seeing them, I have to be here Ava: You're their dad, that isn't as simple as that Ava: infidelity isn't a valid reason to not allow access James: if I were dealing with a rational person, perhaps Ava: You don't want to go through the courts Ava: so you're just going to stay with her and be unhappy forever James: I've got my reasons Ava: you said James: you don't understand & with respect I don't want you to have to James: my life is messy & complicated, we can't make it simple by wishing that it were Ava: Likewise, you don't have to tell me anything Ava: that's fine James: there's things that she & I have both done that mean I have to stay Ava: Why would she want you to Ava: if you cheat on her and clearly don't love her, and want to leave Ava: that doesn't make any sense James: appearances, finances, an inability to face the ordeal of starting her life over James: I don't know James: maybe she would like me to remain locked in misery with her forever Ava: Jesus James: I've not loved her for a single day, perhaps it's spite for never having done so James: or not about me at all Ava: does she love you? James: no Ava: that's horrible, James James: yes, it is Ava: how sustainable is it Ava: how long can you both live like this James: I try not to think about it, in case the answer for her is indefinitely James: but I'm sorry I dragged you into it, Ava Ava: You haven't Ava: don't apologize James: I didn't mean for this to happen Ava: I know you didn't Ava: but James: but I know, you're not sorry James: not yet anyway Ava: No, I am Ava: but I'm glad too James: I'd rather you were the latter but I can hardly expect it Ava: I am Ava: I can make you happy, even for five minutes Ava: I'll take it James: you do Ava: Good Ava: let me James: I'm trying to Ava: Just don't push me away Ava: if we have to be careful and not see each other for time because of the things in your life you can't control, that's fine Ava: just don't be the one to do it when you don't need to, okay James: it's really difficult not to when so often it feels like doing so would be better for you than anything I can actually offer & every instinct tells me that if I don't hurt you, she will Ava: Don't bother trying to tell me what would be better for me Ava: I want what you can offer, I don't care James: Ava Ava: You can think I'm stupid and 17 if you want but it won't change how I feel James: you're not stupid, that isn't what I think Ava: I care about you, James Ava: more than I care about the possibility of being hurt James: I care about you, more than I was ready for, but I'm trying James: I meant it, I do want to try & I don't want to hurt you Ava: I meant it when I said sorry Ava: I'm not trying to be more stress in your life Ava: just good Ava: but I know it's a lot, not that I planned it any more than you did James: I can handle stress, it's having something good which I'm not used to anymore Ava: Baby Ava: how can I make you feel better, like right in this moment James: if we can't see each other then I'd like to at least be able to hear your voice Ava: Okay, hold on Ava: let me get set up outside James: get a blanket, it was really warm earlier, you'll need it Ava: I've got a big sofa out here, I'll be cosy James: I don't mind if you fall asleep Ava: I don't want to, I want to talk to you 'til YOU fall asleep James: we can fall asleep together, the way we would if any of this was normal Ava: I want that Ava: too good of an idea, meant to be my thing James: it's about time I had one, don't you think? Ava: I'll allow it Ava: as I like it that much James: thank you Ava: Oh, James James: yes? Ava: just wanted to say it Ava: I'm ready now James: okay Ava: how quiet do I need to be? James: you don't Ava: noted Ava: [the call] James: [oh sweet babies, never gonna let Chlo ruin it, not soz] Ava: [deal with it, your reign of terror coming to an end hun] James: [the idea of them falling asleep together on the phone has made me die because it's so soft, goodbye cruel world] Ava: [not to make it weird or anything guys but Buster and Rio used to do that all the time so love that for you too] James: [literally had that thought] Ava: [when you're lowkey forced ldr by circumstances] James: [mhmm how annoying that'd be, like you're living so close to each other but you can't just see each other whenever you want] Ava: [literally the most frustrating] James: [at least if you're miles away or whatever you know you can't] Ava: [tea, 'cos like you could in many ways but you also can't] James: [^^^ that] Ava: [oh the willpower you'll need] James: [hence they don't last long before outting themselves because it's too hard] Ava: [^^yup and fuck you Chlo James: [you've stolen enough of his life] Ava: [time to do that convo moment though]

[tikien]

#OpenLetter

An Open Letter to one of the Immeasurable Secret Mistresses of my begone Big Love:

Feel like Spread the word? Please do.

Share your thoughts? Oh yeah.

But above all, do what you, Yourself want to do with it.

Nothing is as it seems...

Xx Caroline

Hello Milly,

I am a woman of truth, I always favour truth, purity, however cold or cruel or hard the truth will be for me. It means I can then move on without wasting my time of being fooled by lies intended to preserve my feelings.

I do not have any control over your behaviour and I absolutely have no desire to carry that burden.

But I refuse, I will not tolerate, not indulge your disrespect for my children and me, ánd indirectly for all of my dearest ones who I love. (Not to mention your children, your parents, your 'loved' ones, the world where we live in.)

Your rudeness Milly, your dishonour, your inpurity, indelicacy. Your betrayal for all those years, it is dísgusting to me Caroline, a woman you don't know 'Kak' about. But what you dó know, is that you were cocksucking my husband and screwing around with him for years!

You were my backyard neighbour. You lived and sneaked around behind my back, literally backbiting. Twisted story this, but don't worry bearded darnel, to me, you, is only a small piece of my total reality.

The day my husband started cheating on me, by having disgraceful frustrated sex with a forever unenlightened number of women and with you, he started to take home theirs and your sick negative energy. Into my life! Into my home! Affecting my everyone! And affecting my everything.

At first you two met at your secret meeting point, the fishing spot. And while others around you were having real fish pleasure (and getting free performance) you were fishing rotten fish, in my pole.

Not to speak of your pathetic text messages when approaching my husband. Like the code-sign which you two agreed.

Luckily you do not have a partner to hide for.

The secret-code-sign was to use the . (the point), when the initiative was yours. My husband then would always have an excuse like: "Oh that's someone workrelated, it was probably unintentionally."

(Note: I've read my husband named you 'Trackreceipt'-and then mentioned-'the name of a big workrelated company' in his phonecontacts. He also identified you as 'AaaaaFucker', 'Overaged cocksucking whore', 'Assfucker', 'Suckwhore' and so on. Most recent your label was only 'Whore'. Sorry for the awful accurate words, I just read history.)

Well, the pointless points . .

You texted a lot of unintentional ones . .

.

.

.

.

Childish cleverness.

But it must feel exciting right? To have that bond? Oeehhh a little secret-code-sign between just the two of you, between you and my husband?

Later on you got more confident (misplaced). Texted him things like "Fishing game?" and "You have my heart". Or did you mean "My hell is yours"?

You felt secure enough then to get your knees dirty and fooling around with him at your own place.

Just a couple of meters distanced from you, literally behind your back, I was there, at home, waiting my husband to come home late from work. Oftentimes proudly yearning for my 'hardworking dedicated' husband.

If I had only watched my back I could have smelled, heard and seen you two fuck buddies. A perfect Satire!

Eventually you had no dignity at all anymore. You felt entitled to enter and to fuck up My Home!

Do wrong to no one Milly!

And let me be very clear again: Never Ever enter my property, or even put one foot in my garden and in my house ever again!

You watched and spied on my husband our kids and me. For so many times.

I saw you once, watching us getting into our car. Openly spying at us. (secretly eyeballing). Hanging on your balcony while smoking a cigarette and patting your cat. With that smile on your face full of misplaced courage and selfishness and your imprudent bodylanguage. Now it all makes sense to me. It was too risky for him to look back, hein? Ánd you knew, it made you feel excited, powerful, what a sick mind games.

Did it make you feel great to 'have' that power?Did it make you feel happy? Didn't you think of our emotional wellbeing at all? That was totally not in your interest, right?

What do you feel every morning when you wake up? Are you capable of taking a real look into your own eyes in the mirror? To look at your soul, who you are for real? That includes your darkside.

Well, do you love yourself? As a human being? As a mother? Maybe a grandmother? As a daughter? Do you love yourself as a friend? As a secret mistress? Do you?

And do your loved ones know about the pure Milly? How you live your life for real? Or is it all fake what's in your life?

Do they know that your ego, your self-interest is your foundation of morality?

If they don't, they cannot help you and you will always continue to live your life feeling empty and lonely. Loveless loneliness causes addiction and if you can't bond with other people you'll bond with the source of your addiction.

As you know already I unexpectedly caught you in flagrante delicto recently.

Seeing you skilled sneakin' through the bushes, entering my house by the backyard. And flee out of my frontdoor, like a trapped thieve, after I entered my own house by the back, out of the blue.

What the Heck you think you were doing?!

The minute I left my Home with my children, out of necessity, you thought you had a Chinese bucket to enter my property more freely? And enjoy my house more and more?Which still should be the save and peacefull home of my child!

You really thought you had a free ticket to infect the love in my house which was put in by my loved ones and by me?

Enjoying your stolen time and drinking the liquors which I brought into my home? Malibu mixed with orangejuice is what you drink, isn't it.

The sexual slackness you had with my husband has little to do with being conscious, and no love at all.

Sexual intercourse, being intimate with someone should balance each other, sharing tenderness, gentleness, sensitivity, pure vulnerability, trust, acceptance, respect. Grounding an inner connection, strengthening a boundless soul bond, and creating more unrestrained pure extased love energy.

Sex divorced from love is the thief of personal dignity.

Did you really think you had my permission to befilth and pollute my house with your unhealthy body and your unhealthy soul?

You knew better all along, referring to your way of entering my house, pourly dressed and experienced-bush-worming.

Respect other people's feelings Milly, even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean the world to them.

And maybe, maybe you have to speak it out loud. Look at yourself in front of the mirror and say it:

"I am Milly, I am 50+ and I sneak through bushes. I am a practicing christian and I secretly enter and pollute a place where I do not belong at all. I know I hurt others because of my desire for sins, but I do it anyway just to meet up my fuckboy. I am proud to be a secret mistress!"

How does that feel? To be honest with yourself? That's what it is.

You two had real great times hanky-panky in my house, hein! Suck facing, roughhousing, having tear-jerking-fairy-tale-junkfood-dinners-for-2, under my cosy sheltered porch.Drinking some vanish-all-boundaries-booze by heavenly candlelight. Did you take a good look at the light? Did you stare into the flame? And at the picture? The picture shining next to this always burning candle?

The picture of my deceased father, me and your secret fuckboy? How shameless romantic, getting off by that. Disgraceful sickening.

You have serious problems Milly. You're not healthy, and by saying that I mean you have mental issues (and therefore also physical inconveniences). You have no self-respect, no self-esteem, no self-love and no dignity at all.

What about your infantile loveletter you put so brutally in the car of my husband?

Your words, and a red heart with a stethoscope on it, printed on paper.

That's a good advice for you Milly: To listen closely to your heart and maybe you should use the stethoscope. It is often used to listen to heart sounds.

Within the letter you put a golden key with a red ribbon on it.

And your words to him:

"The key is to use to the entrance of my heart, might you ever need it don't hasitate. For a fishing-game on the familiar place. You will always be here, if you'll ever come or not. Think of you. Your secret mistress."

So, it's necessary to use a golden key with a red ribbon, to open your heart? Wow! Amazing!!! My heart Milly, is freely accessible for love, no key needed.

The familiar place? The fishing-you-and-cocksucking-my-husband-in-a car-spot is a well known (read: save and happy) place for you? For a woman of your age, are you happy by that circumstances? Seriously?

Your secret mistress? Uou must be very proud of yourself, hein? Nicknaming yourself his secret mistress to him. Is that what you admire? Or desire? Betrayal and secrecy. Superb Milly, really magnificent. Noteworthy!

You sneaked around my home, putting your hopeless non-attractive-begging-for-the-wrong-attention-love-letter into his car, while we probably were asleep next to each other, only a couple of meters distanced from you. Inglorious humiliating.

How does it feel to walk willingly into a dark path? It seems so unsophisticated to me and without any shame. Rotten and greedy.

What did you feel when you heard of our divorce? You felt delighted? Finally, after all those years? Whoohooeewww. The party is on. And when you noticed our home went for sale? Ohhh yeah!

Does it make you feel blessed?

Knowing that you are partly responsable too, by inflicting your pain on others? Are you happy with the havoc you created? And don't you care about the people whose lives you have shattered?

No guilt? And now? While you read this, does is still make you feel delighted? Satisfied by your desires?

Always be honest with yourself Milly, so you can learn to respect yourself, to love yourself and to have some self-worth, Amour Propre.

For real, you must feel miserable being a fossil fuckgirl. It makes you lose your values, your character, reality and it isn't love at all. You gained lies, deceit and stolen affections which didn't ever belong to you.

Right after the moment I caught you red-handed, skulduggery in my house, I waylaid you at the back. Waiting for you to pass by on your pussyfooting way back home.

And there, after a couple of minutes, I saw you in distance. Walking towards me like a waddling duck and shiffling forward slowly. An insecure piece of human full of guilt, head pointed down and slumbed hunched shoulders of poor confidence, untruthfullness and pain.

'Flawless Miss Piggy on her too highly raised heels off the ground' and ‘Nellie hippo squeezed in 2 floating rings to keep her from drowning', were crossing my mind for a moment. Poor you. I felt your sadness and shame so deeply it overwhelmed me. The extreme sad anger, the negative energy you exposed almost made me puke.

When I stared into your eyes I saw they're coloured rarely and extremely beautiful, but not like a turquoise sea, which could be. There is no peace in your eyes Milly, your eyes didn't look pretty at all. What your eyes exposed to me made me feel godforsaken miserable.

I told you that very moment never to put one step, one foot, ever again in my garden or in my house again. Ever again!

I was very clear to you Milly: I forbid you to ever enter my property again.

You said you understood. Yeah, sure you understood. Shameless you. Leave your own shit in your own shithole and don't drop it in my place.

You do not have any respect for me or others. You dishonour my being because of your own selfish desires. It's embarrassing you're that desperate.

Let me stir up this textmessage, a message from you to my then husband: "Ready soon to fish I hope, I'm waiting my parents to leave".

This is the respect you have for your parents?Being busy with your fuckboy while they're in your presence? And hoping them to leave soon because of your desire for fish? Unbelievable. You actually should have to enjoy the precious moments of reality and be thankfull they're still in your life, for such a long time.

Did they harm you in anyway? Didn't they show you good moral behaviour? That, if you're about to do something and you want to know if it's a bad idea, you should project it on yourself first?

Do the right thing Milly, even when no one is watching, it is called integrity.

The relationship you set with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life, you have with anyone. So, see every problem in your life as a lesson for you to make yourself stronger, more loveable, happier. Thén you'll never have to play the roll of the victim.

That's where you good at right, playing the victim? Hoping that it's giving you the attention you desire for? It's not ever gonna make you happy.

Desire, Lies and Secrets are like a cancer to the soul. It eats away what's good and leaves only destruction behind.

Have you ever really questioned yourself? What you were doing? And what the concequences could be? Also for other people, who don't want to be involved? Which you knew all along, but you left them no choice. My children? Your children? My parents? Your parents? My siblings and their families? Yours? My sincere friends? Your friends? All of my dear ones who are in my heart? Me myself?!

You inflamed love, kindness, temperance, humility, wisdom, respect, diligence, patience, justice, trust, self-temperance, innocence, acceptence, courage, believes, hopes, grace, caritas and so on an on.

People like you Milly are a pain in the arse, a plague, by protecting the purity of children. Children must not be cursed by emotional immature harmful and abusive 'adults' like you. By you poisonned beings. You bedevilled their purity. You sparked off a piece of their childhood. Giving them the inescapable burden of seeing their parents' grieve which they cannot understand at all.

Do you think children have the ability to see the light in the fact that there are people in this world who harm innocent people who they don't know because of their own ego? That these people can even be your own neighbours or your loved ones? Do you think they can cope shit like this?

Sounds really logical hein? Who wouldn't understand?

Lots of 'grown-ups' do not even have the awareness of understanding the poisoning conduct of people like you, people who suffer from mental disorder.

How did you guide your children good moral in life without them seeing any?

Do you realize how much strength it costs? Strugling every day to stay pure, strong, loveable and unconditional? As a mama? As a sister? As a friend? As a daughter? As a human being? To be a happy person? Who loves life? Pulling yourself out of a poisonous situation with someone you loved so deeply? Do you have any idea?

I think you do know the feeling, the feeling of being deeply betrayed yourself. That has happened to you in the past right?

But you never were strong enough to face yourself and no courage to search in your own past, finding out what causes your pain.

Instead of getting better you got bitter. You started to inflict your pain on others, in your selfish pursuit of your own satisfaction of ignorance.

It is a working-your-ass-off-duty, an almost-unbearable-mind-growing-battle, a very-lonely-bewildered-struggle-not-being-able-to-verbalize-properly.

I can tell you that for sure Milly, as an 'experience-expert'.

So, don't ruin other people's happiness just because you can't find your own. And before hurting others, ask yourself what is really hurting you.

I have viewed your social media to see if I could learn. You remember this post you shared with the whole world?

"You can't change the world but you can make a difference."

Is this the difference you want make Milly Making this world a little more rotten?

Practice what you preach or change your speech.

This world would be a better place to live in, if we learn not to play with heads and hearts of others. If we stop hurting peoples' feelings. If we all make ourselfs strong enough never to lie, no matter what the situation is. If only we all would learn to be true.

I read you are a daughter of god, a practicing christian, a pearl in God's hand? “You know that the Father knows you? You know that you are of value? You know that you're a pearl? A pearl in God's hand!"

Do you know the deeper meaning behind this Milly? Read about it. Is that the base of your morality?

Your profilepic and some other recognizable selfies made me wonder.

Why do you share your selfies on social media after sending this exact selfies first to my then husband? With your sweet tooth texts. I mean the ones you made with my husband in your thoughts or in your presence, you know? To show the world how happy you 'seem' just seconds after you went down on him? And to receive compliments (read: get false validation) of how beautiful you 'look' in that state.

Nothing is as it seems right?

Black can appear white when the light is blinding but white loses all luster at the faintest sign of darkness....I know.

And what about all the other things you carry, which cannot bear the daylight and are still hidden in the dark? Waiting to be found by you or to be taken into your grave someday? Your secrets, that are no big deal to anyone but to yourself.

You as a christian should benefit the precious advantage you have versus heathen. The ten commandments: very simple but very valuable fundamental guidelines, to live your life meaningful based on ethics and worship. And the seven Holy virtues, they cure the seven Capital sins, didn't you know?

You should take benefit from it and use this to leg-up properly. Mortal sin, I guess, is a refusal of God's offer to live and love. It's a sign of emotional immaturity, abusive and it should never be excused or tolerated. You are a pathatic lost woman who really needs help.

Everybody makes mistakes, through all of our lifes. And we all do some things sometimes we are ashamed of and regretting afterwards. But mistakes Milly, mistakes are meant for learning not for repeating.

There are going to be very painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change you. Let these moments change you a stronger, smarter, kinder woman. Not a selfdestructing one who tears herself and others down.

Feel offended Milly? Insulted? Ashamed? Hurt? Humiliated? If so, realize it's your warning indicator showing you where to look within yourself for unresolved issues.

All of this is my perception, my opinion, the truth is whatever you think is true, I can only make you think.

But for you Milly I hope, just for your own sake, that you'll once be brave enough, strong enough and pure enough to change your heart of stone for a heart of flesh.

Love comes in miracles every day, like weakening the strong, challenging the weak, making fools of the wise, and wise ones of fools, favouring passions and obsessions, destroying reason, and in other words Love is turning tables every day.....

My sarcastic mirror of your own rudeness. Provoked to go love yourself. It is my gift to you Milly. A taste of your own medicine.

Wholeheartedly,

Caroline

What’s The point⚫️

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