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thisisawonderfulusername · 3 years

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almost normal - the apocalypse

five hargreeves x reader

summary: being pregnant in the apocalypse probably isn’t the greatest thing.

warnings: cursing, pregnancy, no baby yet, that will come in part two ;)

word count: 2.1k

a/n: yall asked for it, and i felt like i could do better, so here is your time in the apocalypse after finding out that you’re pregnant and following this we will have a commission chapter and when they get to twenty nineteen. reading the old a/n that i put here is making me realize how long this took me to actually write 🤡 anyways, this is basically what the original was but focused on the apocalypse and much, much more detailed. i’ll stop now, please enjoy!

being the daughter of two people spontaneously born on the first of october in nineteen eighty-nine, you had been gifted with special abilities, just like them. over the years of your life, they were able to teach you how to control these abilities.

by the time you were thirteen, you were able to create an invisible barrier around yourself. of course, it happened unintentionally at times.

one of those times, it protected you at the end of the world. how you wished it hadn’t for the first few years. but you surprisingly weren’t the last person on the face of the earth.

you stood on the doorstep of your home- or what used to be your home. it had crumbled to the ground when the explosion wiped out the entire city, leaving a pile of rubble. it was surrounded by the other houses in the neighborhood, some of which still stood as the flames continued to burn.

this isn’t real.

you pinch your arm so hard that it stings for a few moments afterward, and you start shaking your head. “this isn’t real.” you tell yourself, voice shaking with the fear that this might not be a nightmare.

stepping back from your home, you turned on your heel to run to the closest house that hadn’t collapsed yet. mr and mrs peoples. you didn’t knock, bursting through the front door and rushing through each room that fire was beginning to engulf, searching for any sign of the old couple.

when you got up the stairs and to their room, you stopped dead in your tracks. on the bed, their charred bodies lay next to each other, and you feel your eyes beginning to sting- from the smoke and from what was happening.

the city.

there must be people in the city.

you dash down the stairs as they threaten to collapse, sprinting out of the house and down the road as fast as you can. the route you’ve remembered from walking to school, the one that brought you through the crowded sidewalks.

by the time you get to the most populated part of the whole town you lived in, you’re out of breath, chest rising and falling quickly.

“help!” you shout as loud as you can, starting to walk through the streets, trying not to focus on the buildings that hadn’t made it, the burned bodies on the ground. “please! there has to be someone.” the tears that had threatened you begin to fall, running down your cheeks.

when you get farther down, you see what you think is a real, live person, searching the rubble surrounding him. but you can’t be sure. there’s smoke and your vision is blurry from your tears. “hey!” you shout, beginning to run towards the figure as fast as you can with your labored breathing.

he turns in your direction when he hears your voice, eyebrows raising in surprise. when you stop just before what used to be a building. “please-” you suck in a breath, “please tell me you’re real.”

he was the only reason you managed to survive. you knew now that you never would have made it this far without him.

ten years.

you’ve made it ten years so far, and the only reason the both of you keep going is each other- as well as his hope to find the right equation to get you back to your normal lives in twenty nineteen (and saving the world but that could be discussed later.)

until then, you could try your very best to make an almost normal life for yourselves.

after the first few years of moving across the city- and probably into other states as well, you couldn’t tell for sure- you had grown to have feelings for him. you didn’t know if it was because you two were the only ones left on earth, but you didn’t care. you wouldn’t want to choose anyone else to survive with.

eventually, after a few drinks to celebrate the finding of some wine, when your face was flushed with the alcohol in your system and your brain slightly fuzzy, you ended up kissing him.

the next morning, you woke up cuddled next to him, the empty bottle to your side. it brought butterflies to your stomach, and when he woke up after you, you had summoned the courage to tell him how you felt. you were lucky enough to know that he returned the affection.

you were nineteen then, only six years after the end of the world. and for another four years, you had been together.

on the third year of being together, pushing for survival, you found an old jewelry store.

“do you want to get married?” you call out, eyes squinted slightly from the sunlight and the strain to see him properly.

he turned at your voice, brushing his hands off on his pants. “what?”

grinning, you step over the wall. “i said,” you stop in front of him and reveal the bands, “do you want to get married?”

his eyes fall on the rings and he stays quiet for a moment, before he looks back to you, and your smile grows at the sight of his own.

“in the apocalypse?“ he chuckles softly.

you shrug your shoulders. "we can’t make it, like, official, but if we ever get back…” you press your lips together for a moment, “i think it’ll have more meaning, since we found them here.”

he seems to think about it for a moment, before he holds his hand out to you, and you clap your hands together from the joy you felt.

when you got stuck here at thirteen years old, you didn’t think you’d have anything close to a normal life. but after a few years, you realized that you could try to make it as normal as possible for yourself.

you slide one of the rings onto his finger, the sun’s light reflecting off of the gold. it’s a silent moment, and you could feel your heart beating faster than usual.

once it is snug on his finger, he takes the other from you, taking your hand. “i never thought i’d be getting married in a wasteland.”

chuckling, you watch as he gently puts the ring in it’s rightful place. “i don’t care where we get married. it would be perfect no matter what.”

five looks into your eyes, and you know that you wouldn’t have this any other way. as long as he was with you, you don’t care where you are or what the situation is.

“i love you.” you mumble quietly, bringing your hand to his cheek as you stare into his eyes.

“i guess i love you too.”

you roll your eyes, moving the hand behind his neck to pull him into a loving kiss.

now, it’s been about four months since you’ve ‘married’ five. it didn’t change much about your life, but you could feel that you had a newfound hope. even though you were stuck in an unforgiving world, foraging for food and clinging onto survival, you had five with you.

and now it felt like no matter what happened, he would stay with you. maybe, if you ever did get out of this hell, it could happen for real. that kept you going.

there have been changes, though. for the past three months or so, your ‘time of the month’ never came. at first, you brushed it off. this had happened before- stress could delay it, so you figured that was what it was.

but then it didn’t come the next month, either.

this month, you were beginning to notice a small bump in your belly. you told yourself it could just be you gaining weight from the food you ate, but you couldn’t fool yourself. you can’t eat enough in this world, especially not enough to gain significant weight.

and so the worrying began.

you didn’t tell five at first, keeping the anxiety to yourself as you continued on your treks through the barren land. you would chew on your lip as you walked, and it got to the point where you broke through the skin and it had bled for a bit.

he noticed, but you didn’t know that.

on your next stop for shelter that you would stay in for a few weeks to search for supplies, he brought it up.

“are you okay?” he questions, and it catches you off guard for a moment.

you look up from the book that you had found in the wreckage of an old library. “uh,” you hesitate for a moment, “yeah. yeah, i’m fine.”

trying to get away from his questions, you look back down to the pages of the book as if it would stop him from continuing. from the corner of your eye, you can see how his brows furrowed together.

he was quiet, but only for a moment. “i’ve noticed, you know.” the statement causes your heart to pick up it’s pace a bit, and you hope he can’t see the fear and nervousness that has overcome you.

“noticed what?” you gulp, not daring to look up from the page. you don’t know if it’s the cold air around you, but your eyes are stinging.

five stands from the makeshift seat he had taken on a fallen pillar, moving to your side and sitting in the dirt that was protected from the snow. “you know, you can tell me anything. whatever is wrong, you can say it.”

the book closes as you release it, falling to the ground at your side. “i-” you notice the shakiness in your voice, and you pause for a moment to take a deep breath, “i don’t know how to tell you.”

his arm falls around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. it’s something that has always comforted you, even in the worse days, and he knows that. he knows everything. “just say it.” he tells you softly.

you close your eyes for a few moments, pulling your knees to your chest as you gulp down your fear. “i- i think i’m pregnant.”

a tear that had escaped your stinging eyes rolled down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away on the sleeve of your sweater. it was in vain, as shortly after there were more drops falling down your face.

his momentary silence worries you, and you think if there was a way to screw up everything you've built here, it was this.

“how would you know?” he questions quietly, and of all the questions he could have asked, you think that might be one of the best ones.

sniffling and abandoning the attempt at getting rid of your tears, you take a quick breath. “it’s been a few months since my last... you know,” you begin to explain, avoiding looking at him, “and i’m pretty sure my belly is... getting bigger. and it can’t just be me gaining weight because we don’t eat much.”

you hear him let out a slow breath, and when you look at him in fear for his reaction, he seems to be staring off in thought. you bite on your lip as you try to keep yourself from crying anymore. “five?”

“we’ll figure it out.” he tells you after a moment, and you take in a shaky breath from the statement. “we’ll find a way to make it work.” he runs his fingers through your hair, “we always do.”

his sweet reassurances make your heart skip a beat. it’s unbelievable to you, even after all of the years you’ve been with him.

“god, i love you.” a small sob escapes with the words, but the tears don’t truly show how you feel. you’ve never been so happy.

you’ll get part of the normal life you always wanted as a child. a family.

you were only able to relish in the moment for a few seconds, because five suddenly jolted forward, scaring the life out of you as he grabbed onto the shotgun leaning against one of the walls.

your head turns to where he is pointing it, you saw a woman. but it wasn’t just any woman, no. she wasn’t dressed for the apocalypse like you. she had a clean, properly fitted dress and high heels, her makeup perfectly done.

who the hell is this?

taglists

main: @horrorklaus @megasimpleplan4ever

tua: @rasberrymay @noodlextrash @atomicpillar @malfovs @andreasworlsboring101

five taglist: @anapocalypseinmymind @five-hargreeves-official @insatiable-ivy @coffee-e-addict @xplrreylo @fandomfreakff @colie-babi @flowertoty @avovada @badwolf00593

#the umbrella academy x reader #umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves #five #number five #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy x reader #tua x reader #five hargreeves x reader #five x reader #number five x reader

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dadsbongos · 3 years

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You'll Dig a Grave with Me

Movie/Game/Show: My Hero Academia Dynamic: Dabi/Reader Warnings: cemetery/grave desecration (like digging-up-a-coffin-and-opening-it bad), violence/murder/gore, corpses/corpse-handling, smoking(?) idk it’s kinda small potatoes compared to what i just mentioned Summary: Maybe you need a new boyfriend. One who doesn't make you help him bury dead bodies. Word Count: 1.2K ~~~

“Get in the fucking car.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Look at this face,” Dabi only stops to turn and briefly gesture to his scarred features, “Do these look like smilin’ muscles?”

you relent, as you usually do, and grumble all the way to your shoes and throughout the process of pulling on said shoes, “Get me up at two in the morning and doesn’t even tell me where we’re going - sounds like Touya.”

“Dabi.”

“Dickhead. They’re all the same.”

“You’re funny,” Dabi rolls his eyes as he holds the door open for you, “you ever think about becoming a comedian?”

“Yeah, actually,” shaking your head, you climb into the driver’s seat, “When I’m not being a chauffeur, I’ll totally go out and tell a shitload of jokes about how my boyfriend’s a nationally wanted villain. It’ll be great.”

“I get it, you’re sarcastic. Go to the cemetery down the road from here.”

“Jesus, man, who’d you kill?”

Silence settled in the car, neither party caring enough to clarify whether that was a joke or not. Because with Dabi - it didn’t matter. If he wasn’t joking, it wasn’t anyone's business. Unless anyone was you. Then you were part of the clean up crew.

“That lot?”

Dabi nods and goes to the back of the car to pull out a duffel bag and the shovels buried at the bottom. He follows after you as you approach the body he’d haphazardly left at the end of a row of graves. He should know better than to get sloppy, but knowing Dabi was knowing that he enjoyed the thought of police already swarming the lot when they arrived. He liked the thrill. He liked the opportunity to serve his flames a kindling.

Handing over a shovel, Dabi nods at the lot, “When we hit the coffin, we pry it open and toss this fucker in.”

“It’s new, will anyone visit?”

“Past visiting hours.”

“You, of all people, should know that some people don’t listen to laws.”

“If anyone comes, I’ll kill them, there? Happy?” Dabi shakes his head, lodging the edge of his shovel into the dirt and pulling up the fresh earth.

Another quiet settles over the couple as they pull up the soil covering the rotting dead. You wipe at sweat forming over your brow and jam your shovel into a spot near your foot, walking towards the other corpse as Dabi maneuvers his own shovel to pop open the baby blue coffin of a person who didn’t deserve this perversion of their memory.

Upon closer inspection, you notice how the man’s head and hands are charred beyond recognition of flesh, and his mouth has fallen open into a horrified, toothless scream. Usually, just torching the people he murdered would do all that his manual labor had. This man was different. This man must’ve wronged Dabi closely.

Grabbing underneath the dead man’s armpits, you begin dragging him towards the grave as the telltale creak of a coffin opening rings through the cemetery. Dabi puts a hand up and the man is dropped carelessly outside the rectangular pit - bending down, Dabi pats down the man’s blazer and tugs out a wallet and keys before pocketing both.

“What’d he do to avoid being completely scorched?”

“Just wanted this one to be more personal; some low-level at the old man’s agency,” Dabi picks himself back up to a full stand and kicks the man into the open coffin and nudges his body just enough to ensure no limbs are poking out before going to shut the coffin.

“Maybe you should’ve picked an older spot, huh?” you mumble, crossing towards your boyfriend and plucking a pack of cigarettes from his pants’ pocket and picking one out, “Two bodies don’t fit in one coffin comfortably. And I don’t think either of us is going down there to fish him out.”

“Fuck,” the villain hisses, picking up his shovel only to stab it back down in anger, piercing mother nature in retaliation for an event which she had no control over, “Whatever. Just put the dirt back over them. If they find him, who cares?”

“Probably us when they find him and start asking questions,” placing the cigarette between your lips, you lean over towards Dabi, “Light?”

He ignites a single finger and watches the cigarettes' illumination of cherry and ash before turning back to the grave and murmuring, “Slacker.”

“When I start killing people and making you bury the bodies, then you can call me a slacker,” you sit down on a patch of grass where the dead man once laid, cold and clammy and soulless, “Until then, I’m taking a smoke break.”

You never saw yourself helping the little red-turned-white haired boy you grew up with bury a body he’d murdered in cold blood. You saw yourself having a future with him, in the way children typically grow attached to friends quickly - but actively helping him get away with and hiding evidence of his crimes?

It was wrong. You weren’t an idiot. What you - both of you - were doing was horrid and it would catch up to them eventually.

But Dabi would burn down the world for you and you’d be lying if you said watching it go down in flames after all the pain and misery and hatred it’s churned out wouldn’t be satisfying. All the monsters like Enji could burn and you’d both dance in the flickering light of the flames. All the elitism and fakeness of heroes would crumble and you’d toss the ashes around like rice at a wedding. You’d kiss on the grave of society and giggle over the wreckage you caused together. Because loving Dabi was accepting the chaos he chased. It was changing the ending of the monster and helping him kill Frankenstein.

It was helping him get away with his crimes and cleaning up his corroding body in the wee hours of nightfall.

Dabi huffs in exertion while burying the sins he’d committed only hours prior, he knows he isn’t built for heavy physical labor and he knows that’s exactly why he brought you. He also knows how easy it would be to scare you into crushing that cigarette out right now and coming to his side - but he can’t bring himself to.

The only home he’s ever known and the only person he’s never had to prove himself to, he can’t lose. So he continues to pile dirt atop the bodies while you finish your smoke without whining.

“Got schmutz on your forehead there, darling,” you mumble upon your return, bringing up a thumb to wipe at the dirt staining your lover’s skin.

“You’re not much better,” Dabi nods at your forehead, “Gotta take a bath when we get home.”

“Then will you chill the fuck out and come sleep?”

He merely nods again as you pick up your shovel and catch dirt onto the blade before tossing it down into the filling pit.

No, you never imagined yourself up at three in the morning helping Touya Todoroki hide a body he’d murdered - but there you were. Rewriting the end of a monster and helping him kill Frankenstein, slowly - but surely. Frankenstein and the society that enabled him would die by Dabi’s hand, and you were going to be holding the other hand the entire time.

Because loving Touya was loving Dabi.

#dabi x y/n #dabi x reader #dabi x you #touya todoroki x reader #touya x y/n #touya x reader #bnha x reader

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rngknsk · 3 years

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The Aftermath

Chapter 1: Consciousness

Sanemi Shinazugawa/Reader (F)

You find yourself alive at the Butterfly Estate beside your closest friend after the final battle against Muzan Kibutsuji. You both are hurting over the loss of your comrades, so you must find a way to comfort each other.

**THIS SHORT STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE DEMON SLAYER MANGA. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED THE MANGA.**

Tags/warnings: Shared trauma, angst, survivors guilt, slight tw, comfort, slight fluff, reader is a Hashira

You can also read here on Ao3. Enjoy!

It’s not your time yet, young one, you still have a long journey ahead of you.

Be sure to live a life that will inspire others every day, please know that I will always love you.

We will always be here, watching you, waiting for you. We know you will do great, we are so proud of you, Y/N. Live on.

✾✾

Rain pattering gently against the window stirred you from your dreams. You blinked a few times as you peeled your eyelids apart, feeling the discomfort of the built-up eye-crusts that had grown as you slept for the past few days, to which you didn’t realize just yet. Your mouth felt dry as you slowly smacked your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Your tongue felt swollen. Staring up at the dimly lit, wooden ceiling of the building that protected you from the rain outside, you took a few moments to try to recall where exactly you were. You remained in a numb physical state, or so it felt; you just needed to fully wake up. When you did, all of the memories came flooding back.

You tried to pull yourself upright in the bed you found yourself on, but immediately froze as the pain shocked and ran through every nerve in your body. You shut your eye and let out a sharp inhale through your gritted teeth that interrupted the silence of the room, trying to ease the pain. It was then that you realized your left eye was covered. Slowly, you brought your bandaged hand up to your face, pressing your scarred fingertips to your cheek. Your head had been wrapped several times with a bandage that ran at a slight angle across your face and over your eye.

It was a long, final battle between the demon slayer corps and the demons. The war that was fought for centuries, even millennia, had finally been won, and because you remembered your victory, you were able to slump peacefully back into the bed you laid upon. You laid for a few long moments, the ringing in your ears starting to fade away, allowing you to finally relish in the serene sounds of the rain against the roof.

“You’re finally awake,” came a familiar voice to your left. You hesitated for a moment, tears welling up in your uncovered eye, realizing who the voice belonged to.

You slowly turned your head towards the voice before gasping out his name, “Shinazugawa-san?”

He met your alarmed gaze with a kind smile that made your heart feel warm and fuzzy, and it just might have been enough to cure the aches among the rest of your worn-out body. You wanted to tear the blanket right off of your figure and throw yourself upon him in a triumphant embrace, you wanted to bury your face into his neck and cry, but neither of you were in any physical condition for that.

Your fellow Hashira lay sitting up in his bed, covered in bandages from head to torso, arms to shoulders. He was certainly in a rougher state than you, but for good reason. Sanemi Shinazugawa risked his life for the sake of humanity against the demons, and the most feared of all, Muzan Kibutsuji. He was ruthless in every battle he’s fought, but until he butted heads with Kibutsuji, you’d never seen him so merciless. At the end of the fight, you were sure he’d never pull through. Before you passed out from exhaustion and blood loss, you caught a glimpse of his bloodied figure sprawled across the ground. The last thing you saw was Kibutsuji crumbling away, and with that sight you allowed yourself to finally drift off, to that you imagined would be death.

But it wasn't.

Instead, you woke up next to the man whom you’ve come a long way to care so much about. He was such a tough nut to crack, but you and Sanemi had become so close, and you were sure that you’d meet him in the afterlife along with many others, but rather, you woke up just a few feet away from him at the Butterfly Estate. With that you were beyond thankful at another chance. This time you were sure that you’d tell him how you’d truly feel. Now, finally, you’ll be able to express to Sanemi how important he is to you without any worry of an unexpected end, unlike the last time you opened your heart to someone.

“I’m surprised, you slept longer than I,” he continued. “I was thinking for sure that I’d never wake up, and instead I woke up to you still napping.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his comment. You figured he was trying to make a lighthearted joke, so you thought you’d at least react somehow. “I’m sorry, I thought I wouldn’t make it either.”

“You’re a tough girl, I knew you’d be just fine, unlike the others,” he slightly turned his gaze to the floor, a solemn expression curtaining his face.

Before you could ask, three Kakushi rushed into the room that you and Sanemi were resting in, audible gasps coming from behind their masks.

“S-She’s awake!” one cried as he ran out of the room. The other two hurried to your side to take your vitals.

“Please sit back L/N-sama, don’t strain yourself!”

“Yes, your wounds are still fresh and healing, don’t try to move until the nurses arrive!”

✾✾

Hours later, your bandages were rewrapped after you enjoyed a nice bath with the help of the Kakushi. They had given you an extraordinary painkilling formula that had been invented by Shinobu Kocho, the Insect Hashira and outstanding pharmaceutical expert, prior to her death. It was almost as if she created the formula in preparation of Kibutsuji’s attack. You had learned of the deaths of many, including the other remaining Hashira, with the exception of Sanemi and Giyuu Tomioka. You prayed to them as you sat in the bath after the Kakushi gave you some time to soak alone. You cried, for they weren’t as lucky as you to be able to know a world without demons, to know a world in which you could live free. However, each and every life that was lost during the battle against Muzan Kibutsuji belonged to those who fought valiantly and believed in the freedom that you were so fortunate to experience.

It was evening now, and the rain had finally stopped. The colorful pastel clouds were moving out of sight, and the falling sun gleamed brilliantly between the damp leaves of the trees it tried to hide behind. The dew drops sparkled against the rays before they each slid off of the leaves at their own individual pace. You slowly walked yourself outdoors to the engawa, which is where you found Sanemi. He was sitting by himself, a single leg hanging off of the engawa edge while his other was propped up in front of him. You’d never seen him so quiet and peaceful looking, even with his back towards you. You didn’t want to startle him or disrupt his alone time, but you wanted to talk to him. You wanted to know what he was thinking; what was going through that mind of his?

“Shinazugawa-san,” your voice gently hit the breeze, carrying your greeting to his ears. His head slightly perked up, but his gaze remained forward. He didn’t respond, but rather patted the wood floor beside him. After a moment of noticing his gesture, you stepped forward to slowly lower yourself next to him, gritting your teeth to suppress any signs of pain from your injuries. Once seated beside your friend, you glanced out of the side of your eye to see a single tear rolling down his cheek. The sight punctured your very soul. After all these years, training and fighting beside this battle-hardened man, you never thought you’d see him cry. Of course, he lost his younger brother during the battle, so it seemed he was taking this time to grieve; you were just surprised that he allowed you so close to be able to see him in such a state.

“Genya would have liked this view, don’t you think?” Sanemi broke the silence, fighting away the cracking of his voice. “When we were kids, we would always watch the sun set in the evening. It was one of the things that really helped us forget how shitty the world was for us back in those days. Seeing his bright, wide eyes and that happy expression was what pushed me to continue forward every time. But now…” he finally turned away, wiping his remaining tears with his sleeves. “I just wish he could be here to see it, to see the sun set in a world where we don’t have to fight for our lives anymore.”

You didn’t know how to respond. It seemed as if the best option would be to let him talk and express how he was feeling. It was, after all, better than him bottling things up, similar to what he’s done for his entire life. Genya wasn’t the only person that Sanemi has lost. You couldn’t forget what he had told you about, what had happened to his family, what he had to do to protect Genya way back then. He’s lost family, friends, others… And you did too, but this wasn’t about you. Right now, you had to comfort someone who was very dear to you.

“I wish he was here too,” you spoke, leaning yourself towards him to rest a hand upon his shoulder. You hoped your gesture would help ease him. “I wish… everyone was here. Our families, our friends,” you lowered your head for a moment in respect, saying a silent prayer for those who had been lost. When you looked back up you found that he had turned to your direction, and you locked eyes with him. His expression was absolutely pitiful. You could feel him tense up when you began to involuntarily squeeze his shoulder faintly. “But we must live on. Live on for them, or else their sacrifices would not be worth anything. Please, Shinazugawa-san, know this,” you rested your other hand upon his, which was laying atop his lap. “Every person that you have ever loved is always watching over you, and they are so proud of you, including myself,” you smiled warmly as you concluded your words of reassurance.

Trapped in each other’s watery eyes, there was a sure understanding between you both. You knew how he felt, and he knew that of you. Ever so gently, Sanemi leaned forward to rest his forehead upon yours. His hand reached up and rested behind your head, pressing you even closer to him. As you both sat there beneath the dimming purple skies, you quietly thanked whatever higher beings allowed you both to survive hell and finally find paradise. Stars began peeking through the pastel-colored atmosphere, and the air felt fresher than it ever had before. You both shared a smile.

“Thank you for everything, L/N-san.”

✾✾

#shinaguzawa sanemi #sanemi shinaguzawa #sanemi #shinazugawa #sanemi shinazugawa x reader #kny x reader #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #fanfic #angst #comfort #fluff

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chooseyouovereveryone · 3 years

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10 Years Of Songbird: Brittana Fan Project

Hello my fellow Brittana lovers!

First of all, happy 10 years to the iconic Glee episode that is Rumours and the beautifully moving performance that is Songbird. Such a pivotal part in Brittana's story, and one that will forever be ingrained in my mind. Naya's voice still gives me goosebumps and reduces me to tears on that performance, paired with Heather's genuine tearful reaction.

Second of all, this is up slightly later than planned so apologies for that, but Tumblr glitched on me big time and I had to repost this all again which considering I had a draft built up for days, was rather inconvenient, but we’re here now and hopefully it was worth the wait!

Putting this project together has brought me so much joy in revisiting my favourite ship. I don't think I will ever tire of reading about them, and hearing from others why they love them so much and how this ship resonated with them.

For me, Brittany and Santana were the first positive representation I saw of a WLW relationship. I was shook to the core watching their story unfold, in how much it mirrored what was going on in my own life with my own denial and with my own relationship. I found myself clinging to that storyline like an anchor, as if it was going to give me the answers to my own story. Throughout all the confusion I had in my own coming out and realisation that I was a lesbian, the storyline gave me hope that one day, everything would be okay. Watching them go from confused and conflicted best friends to wives gave me so much hope for the future, and now as a 27 year old out and proud gay woman, I still look at this storyline with the same love-filled eyes.

Even as Glee ended and I stepped away from the fandom, Brittana have always been a huge part of my life, always there in the background, always my comfort storyline to turn to and rewatch a bunch of times. But losing Naya last year really brought me back to the fandom and the community and reminded me why I loved them so much.

I think what I love most of all about this ship is how organic it was. It came from the fans, and from Naya and Heather encouraging the writers to take it seriously. Because of this, I also wanted to add in some little touches of Heya, and include quotes from Naya and Heather talking about their fave scenes.

I'll forever be indebted to this storyline in what felt like a really hard and confusing time in my teenage years.

So thank you Naya

Thank you Heather.

& thank you so much to all of you for taking part.

Also a huge shoutout once again to @hopefulobjectmiracle for letting me use her idea and for providing help along the way. She came up with the concept for this project with Klaine, and I wanted to create a Brittana version, but I'd strongly recommend checking out her Klaine one if you haven't already.

I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed putting it together :)

Brittany & Santana Talk To Holly Holliday About Their Feelings- 2x15, “Sexy”

Choosing a favorite scene is hard so I'll choose one of my favorite lines: in the episode Sexy when Santana and Brittany first talk to Holly about their sexuality, Britt says "I don't know how I feel because Santana refuses to talk about it".

I love this line because most people would play it off as Brittany being a simpleton, but that's not the case. Brittany is saying she doesn't know if she's allowed to like Santana as more than her best friend. She doesn't know if it's right. Because if Santana isn't in to girls then Brittany could be crossing a line, a line where she could possibly be making Santana uncomfortable. Brittany obviously knows how she feels about Santana but she wants to make sure Santana feels for her in the same way before admitting to it, as not to ruin what they already have.

-@neversatisfiedwithlife

Landslide- 2x15, “Sexy”

It was incredibly difficult for me to choose my favorite Brittana scene. There are so many that I love and find important to me...some of these moments were even literally life-altering. Before Brittana, for example, I didn't know that girls could be gay, and I had no idea that what I felt for some of my female friends was anything other than platonic. I'm sure I would have realized I was queer eventually, but this ship and the fandom that I found myself in made the process so much easier for me. But I digress :)

I eventually narrowed it down to four choices—Landslide, Songbird, the Heart Locker Scene in New York, and Cherish/Cherish in Heart, and out of these I've decided to single out Landslide as my numero uno, as it was this very scene that started my decade-long love affair with this ship :)

There are so many things that I love about this scene. Earlier in the show we see Brittany attempt to talk about their relationship knowing that they were more than just best-friends-with-benefits, but Santana would instantly close herself off. Still, Brittany pressed on, determined to understand what they had become, while Santana began to realize that what they had—what they could become—was worth letting herself be vulnerable, worth the risk of getting herself hurt. The fact that Landslide was the product of this early struggle gives it so much meaning ;u;

The scene itself has all these details that make my heart ache in the best way possible...the way they look at each other throughout the song, Santana's eyes a myriad of emotions, full of sadness, confusion, conflict, longing, Britt's eyes filled with concern knowing how much it's taking her best friend to be so vulnerable, then the pride that shines through when she looks at Santana after the performance; the way that Santana's voice breaks singing "and I'm getting older, too"; when she stands afterwards and goes over to Brittany, and Britt opens her arms to hold Santana instantly like it's a reflex; the way that they fit against each other so perfectly, like they were made to be in each other's arms...even the visual composition of the scene was perfect ToT That instant of them hugging each other is a study in contrasts with the way Britt's flaxen hair shines against Santana's night-dark head, and with the way Santana's soft white blouse contrasts against Brittany's deep blue denim top ;u; It's gorgeous.

-@randomcanbian

My fav Brittana scene is when they sing landslide together, because it was one of the first times we got to Santana be so vulnerable

-@snowpickles

What is a landslide? Simply put, it’s defined as a collapse of a mass of earth or rock from a mountain or cliff. That’s the perfect way to describe the rocky relationship between Santana and Brittany in S2, and it‘s exactly why their performance of the infamous Fleetwood Mac song of the same name (Sexy; 2x15) is such a pivotal moment in time in for them.

Santana showed a side of herself to her friends, but most importantly to Brittany, that many would deem her incapable of ever doing. For that moment she allowed that brick wall she always had built up around her for protection to come slowly crumbling down. And the best part? She allowed that — wanted that — to happen. She needed to bare her soul to the person she loved most, but she wasn‘t sure how or when, or if she ever could.

Seeing Santana put her heart on her sleeve and confess her feelings of love and admiration for Brittany through song — finally — is one of the highlights of the entire series for me. We see her trap herself within a new world for a few minutes, one that contains only the two of them through her eyes, and let her emotions do the talking. Brittany understood everything without a single word being spoken to her. Santana hadn’t opened up to anyone at this point about how she felt, not even to herself, but so much was understood between them without saying nothing at all. My favorite spoken line is Brittany‘s, „Is that really how you feel?“

As a viewer, it was such an infamous moment because we now get to cheer for them. We see that they are on the same page with one another, that through it all, their attraction and desire for one another never wavered. They wouldn’t be a a couple for quite a bit more time, but they both now understood what we as viewers saw all along. Santana stopped denying her sexuality; she stopped denying what Brittany meant to herself. She still had a lot to sort out and wasn’t ready to free herself from the constraints of her sexuality, but she made the biggest move: allowing Brittany on the other side of that wall with her.

This performance let to the scene we grew to love known as the Hurt Locker, which is the scene that made the Brittana fandom sing praise to the high heavens. Santana felt like she could finally confess her feelings to Brittany. She was terrified, but she somehow found the courage within herself to stop closing the door on opportunities. So, I‘m thankful for Holly Holiday for being the person that Santana and Brittany felt comfortable enough to go to, and I‘m thankful for her willingness to perform with them, because it gave us much more than a song — it gave us hope. It gave us validation. It gave us Brittana.

-@TheWednesdayProject on Reddit

Hurt Locker-2x15, “Sexy”

"A lot of people have said that scene gave them courage to come out to their parents and their friends and their loved ones, so I think that it's something that's very important, and I hope that we handled it responsibly which I think that we did"- Naya (PaleyFest 2012)

Hurt Locker is my fave scene - just Santana finally coming to feel and admit the truth within. I've probably watched it a thousand times and I'll never get sick of it. The expressions and unspoken acting Naya and Heather put into it give me all the feels!

-@chasingseals

Okay so my favorite Brittana scene is probably the scene where Santana express her feelings for Brittany during “sexy” and says she’s afraid to be with Brittany because of the talks and the way people are gonna stare and that she wasn’t even afraid to what people would say to her face but to what people would say behind her back.

And that’s because I feel the same way. I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual, but at the moment I have a girlfriend and I am so afraid to come out to even the rest of my family (apart from my parents and sister) because I always hear them talking about these girls with names such as “dyke” or something, and it was good to see on tv someone with the same fears and it is so good to see that they had a happy ending and got married and that all this started when they decided “not to care” about everybody else’s opinions and be themselves and be happy.

-@wankybjtch

It’s so, so strange to do this without Naya, but here we are, and she and Heather made this all so beautiful. When I tried to answer this question about my favorite scene, I went first to Songbird - Naya has one of my favorite voices in this whole world - and then to Landslide, and then to Me Against the Music, and all those answers seemed really good. Brittany and Santana spoke to each other so much through music - voices and words and touch - and Heather and Naya gave themselves to their characters so much - and Naya to song so much, and Heather to dance - that they would disappear into Brittana, and would just seem like they were love, made visible. Brittana is love always seems like such a true thing to say, to me. But while what occurred to me first were three songs, I realized that my favorite scene - the one that hit me the hardest - will probably always be the Hurt Locker.

Naya was just so shining there, Santana so full of love and this terrible ache and this more terrible hope, all for Brittany, that you could see Heather glowing back, though so much more quietly. It was an absolutely tremendous thing to see a full-on love scene playing out in the middle of a crowded hallway. Naya and Heather were so beautiful together, as friends and as actresses and as onscreen lovers, and after seeing that scene for the first time, I cried every day for a week, always at these quiet, unexpected times. The love and the hurt and the fear and the hope were so raw in Santana - both in Naya’s performance and in the beautiful script - that it brought everything back about the confusion of starting out with that Oh, god. I am never, never going to be like everyone else. I love her way, way too much. But somehow, the scene made my whole world feel safer. I could see myself, and others could see me. There we were on the screen, worthy and beautiful. <3 Tess

-@venuscomb

Songbird- 2x19, “Rumours”

"I really enjoyed watching Naya sing Songbird. That's ingrained in my head, that time where I sat in the choir room and listened to her sing Songbird, because her voice is just of another world. It's always been my favorite. I will never forget that."- Heather (Entertainment Weekly 2021)

My favorite moment is Santana singing Songbird to Brittany because that is an all time classic romantic song, and Santana (Naya) sings it beautifully, and Brittany just sits there mesmerized. Plus I love what they are wearing, and how they look. i think it's signifcant that Santana sang her love for her here in the choir room, and it's where they had many of their big moments - first together, the break-up song, the flowers in 5, the proposal.

-@1908jmd

My fav scene is 100% Songbird. It’s always been my favourite song and to see it applied to a wlw relationship changed my life a lot because it made me realise that it could be me one day. Santana was always my favourite character too, so to see someone that i appreciated a lot come to terms with their sexuality made me really happy

-@illegally-luthor

My first fav scene out of two is Songbird of course because seeing Santana pouring her heart out to Britt is just the most beautiful thing ever. She was scared to accept who she really was and when it comes to her love for Brittany she’s not scared anymore because loving her is the easiest thing to do. Plus, seeing how Britt reacted was so beautiful. She knew Santana was scared and she was proud of how she confessed her love, through a song, because she knew Santana wasn’t good with words.

-@chloesnix2b

Heart Locker- 2x22, “New York”

My favorite Brittana scene is after Nationals in 2x22 by the lockers.

What I love most about this scene is Brittanys tell it how it is attitude. When Santana said that it clearly wasn’t about winning for her, Brittany looked right through her bullshit, knowing that Santana was getting defensive, because Santana knew what this year was really about for Brittany (and herself too of course), she just didn’t want to admit to it.

You can clearly see that Santana is still scared and hiding and that she still feels like she’s is going to lose Brittany any moment. But Brittany reassures her, tells her how much she loves Santana and makes her feel safe.

My favorite Brittany is always when she’s finally allowed to have feelings and say something. Often the writers didn’t give her anything to do or just made her a caricature of a person. But when she was allowed to express herself, it was in her truest, most vulnerable form. Due to writing, Brittana often seemed one sided, but it’s moments like these that show us how much Brittany loves Santana and how much she wants only the best for her.

For me, the scene felt like the real beginning. They have been taking baby steps before, treading the water. But now Brittany dove right in and her boldness made Santana follow her :)

"What about you and I?", "I love you Santana, I love you more than I‘ve ever loved anyone else in this world. All I know about you and I is that, because of that, I think anything is possible."

-@bolintheturtleduck

I absolutely love every scene that they’re in together, but my favorite is the one where Brittany and Santana are standing outside of the lockers, talking about the glee club. i feel like it showed a lot about Santana’s character at the time and it really inspired me.

-@hoodiestring

Officially Dating - 3x04, “Pot O' Gold”

Their first official date at Breadstix!

Santana and Brittany sitting in the warm lighting of their favourite restaurant in the almost comfortable awkwardness of their tender baby relationship melted something in my baby lesbian heart.

They're teenaged best friends who fell in love and this scene is just so fluffy and cozy and perfectly reflects their dynamic - they're so obviously head over heels for each other and everything about their relationship feels new and electric and full of possibility, but they've also been love each other forever. Santana's eyes lighting up at Britt holding her hand and Britt being so purely herself and everything about the scene just screams home to me and is the moment the show really became about them to me.

-@grassberry639

One of my favorite scenes is the Breadstix scene with the holding hand under a napkin because I could completely relate to it when I was dating girls that was still not yet 100% ready to come out.

-@charisadrastea

Rumour Has It/Someone Like You- 3x06, “Mash Off”

My other favorite is the Rumour Has It/Someone Like You scene because the performance was so beautiful and haunting.

-@charisadrastea

For me, it was the Adele Mashup (specifically the longing looks exchanged during it). I watched that scene over and over again when I was a kid because I felt like it did a great job of truly encapsulating what it's like to have feelings that you desperately want to pursue but can't do to your surroundings. The whole thing really stuck with me.

Naya's performance felt so genuine and, throughout that entire song, you could really feel what Santana was going through as a closeted lesbian who was terrified of losing everything. And the fact that Brittany was so close during the whole performance and, yet, instead of her singing one of the lead parts with her, they just exchange looks. I just thought it did a great job of expressing a trapped feeling.

-@aaverageperson

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face- 3x10, “Yes/No”

My favourite Brittana scene would be the small flashback when the girls are singing The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.

Santana sees Brittany’s face for the first time and she melts.

Their smiles are so soft and I love the instant connection they both have.

-@mostlygleethoughts

My favourite Brittana moment happens when Santana is singing, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. She sings the line, “I felt your heart so close to mine,” while a flashback of her and Brittany in the locker room plays. I get teary-eyed whenever I watch this scene. The love between them is so beautiful, and it’s so refreshing to see genuine sapphic love portrayed on screen.

-@sapphicbrittana

Cherish/Cherish- 3x13, “Heart”

It took me so long to decide on what my favorite Brittana scene is but i ultimately decided on the scene at the end of Heart. It’s just such a sweet moment for them. They are openly going on a date and even kiss in front of other people without caring about what anyone might say. They have come so far from the beginning of their relationship and it is just lovely to see them be so happy with each other.

-@sugarcarnation

Ok so my second favorite scene is in 3x13 when Santana asked the god squad to sing a song for Britt. So the scene at Breadstick at the end and the kiss they shared after Cherish/Cherish is just beautiful. Seeing Santana being so proud to call Brittany her girlfriend and singing her song for her is everything to me. Also Britt’s reaction was too cute. The love in her eyes when Joe told them the god squad was going to perform for her is the cutest thing ever. The kiss they shared at the end of the song was so passionate and it gives me butterflies every time I see the scene. It was also the first Brittana kiss we saw onscreen.

-@chloesnix2b

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)- 3x17, “Dance With Somebody”

"Watching Heather dance is fun in this number, I never get tired of watching her dance."- Naya (BTS Dance With Somebody)

"They put us in twinzies outfits. We've been singing to each other like crazies"- Heather (BTS Dance With Somebody)

My favourite Brittana scene would have to be dance with somebody (the song). I love how happy they both are and how much fun they’re having together!!! The context is romantic, but they’re also having fun as best friends, which is the root of their relationship. I just think it’s really sweet and I’m a sucker for happy pretty ladies dancing around and making each other ridiculously happy. That’s all!!!

-@kurtanaaa

Tongue Tied- 3x21, “Nationals”

Q: What’s your favourite Brittana moment? A: The slow motion celebration smooch when we won Nationals

-Naya (Twitter Q&A 2012)

Mine- 4x04, “The Break Up”

It might seem strange, to choose a breakup scene for a couple's best. It's a scene that broke thousands of hearts and continues to make us cry, even after having seen the whole journey unfold and even after knowing that Brittana will, in the end, be okay. But to me, it's a scene that encapsulates much of what I love about these two and what they mean to each other. "Sophomore year, I used to sit in this back row and secretly watch you. I counted the number of times you'd smile at me, and I'd die on days that you didn't." Half the reason why I chose this scene is this quote. The sheer power of it still shakes me whenever I hear Santana utter these words. The sincerity behind them makes me stop and truly consider what it is she’s saying. It’s a summary of their journey so far. It’s a moment of incredible vulnerability, the confession of a girl who fell in love with her best friend and was terrified of the consequences of that love. Not as much as she was terrified of what it would mean to not be loved back, though.

But Brittany loves Santana with the same passion, even if it manifests differently. It’s why she holds on as long as she can and why it’s even harder for Santana to face their issues. Because you see, I understand that many dislike the reasoning behind their breakup and that it only happened here because everyone else was doing it. But there’s something so deeply caring about the way they consciously make the decision not to hurt each other by leaving themselves in this in-between state of long-distance relationships. Something so genuine about the way they say they would never cheat on each other but also something so mature in realizing that they can’t be what the other needs right now. That, to me, displays such a pure form of love. As pure as catching glances and counting smiles in the back row. As pure as words of encouragement and saying to someone: I'm yours.

Even though they were already inseparable in sophomore year, Brittany smiling at Santana during Glee practice is an intimate moment that meant everything to her. And even though it hurts, Santana letting go of Brittany before they can even think of hurting each other is such a deep declaration of love. What makes it bittersweet yet hopeful instead of just being heart-shattering is the way Santana turns the otherwise optimistic and romantic song “Mine” into a sad one, creating one of the show’s most gorgeous solo performances in the process. Because when she sings Brittany is the best thing that’s ever been hers, we all know it was true in sophomore year, it is true now and it will be on the day they exchange vows. Because Santana’s right when she sings they’re gonna make it, even if it takes a while. Even if they are (and we are) crying right now, even if it takes a few more days of dying in the absence of Brittany’s smile lighting up her world. Because even when they’re breaking up, Brittana reaffirm that they’ll always love each other the most.

-@tuiyla

Santana Walks Brittany Out Of The Auditorium One Last Time- 4x22, “All Or Nothing”

“I really liked the moment in the last episode, when we knew that Brittany was going away and it was a really sad vibe and Santana showed up and just took her hand and walked her off, I thought that was sweet.”- Naya (Perez Hilton 2013)

Valerie- 5x12, “100”

My favorite scene by a pretty wide margin is “Valerie” from “100”. It’s got that palpable backstage chemistry that Naya and Heather had that shone through so clearly in season 1, it’s poetically choreographed, and the songs even more lyrically significant than before.

I believe that Santana and Brittany are at their best and most smitten when they’re doing what Naya and Heather love the most: singing and dancing, respectively. This is no exception. Just look at Brittany trying not to smile at the beginning. When the shot is on her after Santana starts to sing, you can see her face change from smiles to grimace as if she had forgotten herself. You can’t tell me Heather didn’t break there for a second.

Every little mannerism throughout the whole sequence is laced with that fun, alarmingly pure energy. It could’ve been just excellent acting, but it felt so real. And why wouldn’t it? Naya had to learn Heather’s dance from “Sectionals”. Watching your best friend pull off some of your most iconic moves and then joining in, that’s gotta be fun.

Yeah, Santana’s dancing the choreography from their sectionals with Mike. Within the capacity of an untrained dancer, of course. She’s trying to get Brittany back into the groove by dancing probably the most involved number that the New Directions have ever done. And one that Brittany probably had the most fun with because she choreographed it with Mike. That’s some good writing. And it works, and it’s cute, but once Brittany joins in, the sequence deviates from the original.

We get this just wonderful moment of Brittany dancing solo centerstage fully embracing her passion. After she gets her moment, she and Santana dance either with each other swing-style or towards each other. You can’t forget about that embrace at the end when Santana sort of dips her. They’re not even back together at this point. Santana doesn’t want to get back together at this point. But I feel like I’m watching them dancing at their wedding 3 hours into the reception.

And I mean what an appropriate song to use given the circumstance. “Valerie” is about missing an ex after coming back to your hometown. When we heard Santana solo it at sectionals, it wasn’t super meaningful. It was an excellent way to show off Santana’s vocals and Brittany and Mike’s choreography somewhat independently. But here? Let’s talk about line distribution.

First verse, Santana sings solo. Notably, Brittany is harmonizing behind her piecemeal. By the chorus, she’s joined with Santana fully. Second verse, she’s soloing, joining the dance and by the end they’re dancing together. They’re singing and dancing about missing each other together.

But the song’s not my favorite part. Not even the dance. Not really. My favorite part is the culmination. Santana and Brittany are participating in each other’s disciplines and passions.

That’s an awesome couple right there. They went from singing and dancing somewhat removed from each other to singing and dancing with each other, and even when they were broken up, they still shared their respective passions with each other effortlessly.

-@leatherzaddy on Reddit

My favorite Brittana scene is Valerie S5. It just feels so significant to me that Santana chose this particular song to get Britt out of her funk. Valerie is special to both of them, it’s the first competition solo Santana ever got and it was the first time we ever got to witness the dance skills of one Brittany S. Pierce.

It was the first time Brittany got to show off how talented she was and how she was so much more than the dumb blonde everyone thought she was. Now, however, no one thinks she’s dumb. Now everyone sees her as just another statistic for MIT.

Santana, however, sees right through that and sees her for who she really is - not dumb, not just a genius, but Brittany, the girl who loves to dance. So Santana picks the same song from the first time Brittany got to show off her dancing to prove to her once again that dancing is what she’s meant to do.

-@hopefulobjectmiracle

Churros Kiss- 5x12, “100”

The infamous churros scene lives in my head rent free. Why? Because we saw a level of confidence in Brittany that we had never seen before and, in that moment, we were all rooting for her for giving us what we knew was right and what we knew we needed. The fans knew Brittana was endgame, Brittany knew, and we just sat back and waited for Santana to realize it as well. (Let’s give her credit: she knew.) We had waited 1.5 seasons for more and we finally got it, mouthful of churros and all.

I love this scene because we see Santana and Brittany a bit older and a lot wiser; Brittany knows that after all the time they had spent apart, Santana is the only one she really wants and she felt like she needed to tell her, to show her, before it was too late. I feel like everything Brittany did in this scene was very spontaneous and on a whim, and it makes it that much hotter.

The kiss. It’s my favorite kiss between the couple by a mile. Brittany put her heart on her sleeve and risked everything and just went in for the kill. You can see the twinkle in her eye right before she leaned in and she didn’t hesitate to show Santana what she wanted. I do appreciate Santana’s hesitancy because of their storyline at the time, but I don’t doubt for a second that she didn’t want Brittany back, too. She was just incredibly cautious, and no doubt, caught by surprise. They had been through so much and had finally found a place in their friendship/relationship where scars were healing and hearts weren’t as broken as before.

You can see in the way Santana looks at her after being kissed, the way in which she listens to her, that the wheels in her head are already turning. We know she knows what Brittany is saying is true. She just has to process what this means for her, for them, for her life back in New York. She’s just putting the scattered puzzle pieces back together, but she knows what the picture already looks like.

The kiss on the cheek? The delicious cherry on top. Brittany, having already been pushed away, one again doubled down on how she felt and so quickly, and respectfully, reminded Santana of that. You can see Santana’s breath hitch during this moment when their faces are so close together, and it’s obvious that her love for Brittany never wavered. As she always was, smitten is her middle name.

Brittana’s entire relationship from S1-S6 can be summed up, for me, with one infamous line spoken by Brittany during the churros scene, “You can’t recreate what you and I have.”

-@TheWednesdayProject on Reddit

The Lilies Scene- 5x13, “New Directions”

I will always remember being a curious and scared teenager. I was almost in high school when Brittana became official and it suckerpunched me. The fear, the anxiety, the angst, the love, all of it was so relatable. Brittana had so many trials and tribulations and they always came out better and stronger both as individuals as a couple. My favorite Brittana scene is the lily scene because it was the beginning of them consciously choosing each other. The growth <3

-@yesandmusicals

My favorite Brittana scene is when Brittany fills the room with lilies for Santana. It really proves that the connection between them is incredibly strong and they understand each other better than anyone else. Their chemistry is off the charts and you can really feel their love for each other through the screen. The way Santana sinks into Brittany like she’s coming home and the way Britt runs her fingers up and down Santana’s arm <3 Everything about it is perfect.

-@santinacedes

I think my favorite Brittana scene is the one in 5x13, where Brittany fills the choir room with lilies for Santana, because that was the biggest time when I could truly feel their love for one another and their support of each other.

-@allweseeisskyforever

The Bedroom Scene- 6x03, “Jagged Little Tapestry”

It's hard to pick one favorite scene because I just love them all. But I'm gonna go with the scene that made me the happiest and that's the bedroom scene before the proposal because it's such an intimate moment between the two of them. They talk about their future together, about how happy they are and of course "I will love you until infinity". I've wanted a scene like that since I started shipping them in season 2. And watching that scene for the first time was one of the happiest moments in my life. And when I'm feeling down I just watch this scene again and everything gets better.

-@brittanaaresoulmates13

Santana proposes to Brittany- 6x03, “Jagged Little Tapestry

My fav Brittana scene is the proposal bc it means so much to both of them. It takes place where they fell in love and there’s so many parts in the song that remind me so much of their past

-@arf128

My favourite Brittana scene is probably Santana proposing to Brittany because the number they do before is fire🔥 and BRITTANA GETS ENGAGED!!

-@pennywarbler

Hallway Scene- 6x06, “What The World Needs Now”

I LOVE THE ‘did I ever tell you that I love you’ MOMENT. The little kiss and the way Santana nudges her head in Brittany’s neck. I love the whole episode, it’s so powerful and as a lesbian I really felt seen and represented.

I love that Santana reminds Brittany of heaven. I love that Brittany loves Santana so unconditionally, that she would do anything to see her happy. Brittany knows that Santana is super happy right now, but she also knows that she really misses her abuela and that she’s sad she’s not coming to the wedding. Britt’s really doing her best for Santana, and that really shows how much she loves her.

I love that we see Santana’s vulnerable side in this episode and I love to see Brittany’s protective side (especially during and after Alfie). Although abuela said she wasn’t coming, I love how the episode ended because it really shows how much Santana has grown and how much love she has in her life right now.

-@sapphosongbird

Brittany Confronts Santana’s Abuela- 6x06, “What The World Needs Now”

After Santana sings “Alfie” to Abuela López as if her life depended on it in hopes that her Abuela would be a part of her life again, we have my favorite Brittana moment. At first, Abuela is confused and shocked to find out that she’s been tricked into seeing Santana sing. Brittany quickly confessed that she did trick her and informed Abuela, but also informed Abuela not only that she is Santana’s fiancée but that she loves her so much that she would do anything for her. Santana is quick to look at Abuela to gauge her reaction. Santana is hoping she has an opportunity to explain and to try to make her see how much she loves and needs Abuela in her life. Santana brings up how much Abuela means to her and how much being raised by this woman has made her a strong woman.

It’s likely that Abulea immigrated from another country. Like many children from immigrant families, they know the sacrifices their family took to her there. Santana likely heard from father (as i think Alma is her paternal grandmother) about the importance of doing good in school (and her education as she values it) and likely heard stories about the many jobs her grandma took. Likely those that are stereotypical like agricultural work, working in restaurants, or working as a cleaning lady. Jobs that were all she could get because of the limits society places on her (Abuela). ( Santana really admires this woman. She lets her know how much in the coming out scene. )

Santana embraces being Latina and holds no apology for being so, and admits that she is bigger and better than the limits society places on her. Santana wants to continue to be bigger and better. She admits that she can’t (or doesn’t want to) do that without Brittany and Abuela. Santana feels she simply exists without them. Perhaps also saying that they give her the strength she needs to be bigger and better. She is oh so hopeful that reminding her of all that will make her Abuela come along.

Unfortunately, it is not enough for Abuela. She reminds Santana that she loves her, but not enough to attend the stop following her beliefs. She adamantly says that girls marry boys and not other girls. It’s a sin in Abuela’s eyes, and she refuses to attend the wedding. What happens next in this scene makes me so proud of Santana. Before this moment, Santana was this scared little girl who hid behind this HBIC persona. In short, Santana struggled to love and accept herself. She dated guys for status. She rejected Brittany for so long and told her she was using her and didn’t love her. She had beards and even wrote a song about a boy. She had confessed to Brittany that she was scared about all the talks and looks she would get from others. She hid her feelings and love for Brittany and pushed her away into another person's arms. While doing so, she was more angry and miserable than she had ever been. She had to witness the girl she loved more than anything be with someone else because she was too scared, and it hurt her. It would take some more time for her to embrace herself fully. Even then, she didn’t have much choice. She was forced into accepting herself because she was outed to everyone in her school, in Lima, and in Ohio (and anyone who stumbled across that campaign ad online). Still, she did eventually get there. It was not easy for her at all, but she got there. She was happy. She surrounded herself with the love of her friends. She grew as a person. She became friendlier, was happier, and she allowed herself to love others (Brittany, Dani). Moving to New York was scary for her, but she did it anyway (with a little shove from Brittany (again, she thinks they helped to make her bigger and better). She helped her friends get a job, auditioned for Broadway, went to auditions, held various jobs, and attended school.

Santana remembered how Abuela taught her to be bigger and better than her school, her city, and her state would ever allow her to be when she was in New York. She was even bigger and better than the limits she had placed on herself, especially when she was in high school. She was determined to make something of herself. Sometimes even doing things that weren’t even her dream.

No matter the years that had passed, Brittany knew that despite Santana saying she was okay and choosing Brittany over everyone, including the woman that meant so much to her, Santana still missed her Abuela. In this scene, unlike the last time when Santana bravely confessed to Abuela about her feelings and was gay by herself, Brittany was there alongside Santana. Brittany quickly stepped in to protect the woman she loved. Despite being upset that things aren’t going as they had hoped, she puts on a brave face and tells Abuela that it is okay if she doesn’t go. With a smile and some spunk, Brittany tells Abuela they don’t want her there. Santana is surprised that Brittany spoke up at first, too.

Brittany, who usually is kind and sweet, had her claws out. She used her genius mind to give statistical facts she’d read about to tell Abuela off. Usually, Santana would know not to speak to Abuela in such a manner. This is likely because Santana knows better. Her Abuela likely taught her to respect her elders or at least always to respect her. When Brittany finishes talking, Abuela expects Santana to apologize and stick up for her, but to Alma’s surprise, Santana doesn’t. Instead, Santana, the girl who was scared to tell her Abuela she was gay because she feared losing her, stood by Brittany, the woman she loved and who had told her Abuela to go on and love herself in a way Santana likely never has and would never dare to.

Santana doesn’t just defend Brittany or stands by her. Santana refers to her relationship with Brittany as love. She uses their love as an example of what love is. Santana, the girl who told Brittany she didn’t love her and that she was nothing more than just sex because Puck was in the slammer, the girl who refused to talk about feelings, and the girl who panicked when Rachel referred to their duet as sapphic romance, told her Abuela that what she and Brittany share is love. She uses the words “real love” to describe their relationship and what they had.

The choice of Santana words is significant. Likely, Abuela empathized the importance of love when it came to family (even if Santana experienced a lot of tough love from Abuela, her dad, and likely other family members like her mom.) all her life. Santana likely had seen a lot of it.

The choice of the word “real” may indicate just how deeply Santana was hurt when Abuela disowned her. We did see her cry in season 3 when Santana came out to her. Still, the choice of words makes me think that Santana felt deceived about family sticking together and loving each other no matter what (something Abuela mentions in this very same episode in the Queso Por Dos segment) because of how quickly things changed when she came out. All it took was a confession and a few seconds for that love to disappear.

It’s possible she viewed what she knew as love before, as fake love, or love that was not unconditional. Santana choosing to use “real love” to describe her relationship with Brittany is Santana saying, “We stick together and love each other unconditionally, unlike you and I or my own blood.”

Santana then says that Brittany is her family. Again, Santana reminds us that she chooses Brittany over anyone. Again, she’s touching on her previous statement that she and Brittany are an example of “real love” or (as Santana believes with all her heart) a family that sticks together and loves each other no matter what. This is a big deal for Santana.

She is coming full circle because, in the early seasons, Brittany didn’t always come first. She often came second or last to status, beards, prom queen, people’s opinions, etc.

Santana, a girl that misses Abuela, the person she wishes would love her again, has reached a point in her life where she loves herself and Brittany so much that she no longer needs her Abuela or her support, love, and approval. Santana knows she has a lot of that already. A lot, a lot.

The next part in this scene is parallel to Abuela and Santana’s previous scene some years prior from season 3 when Santana comes out to her. In season 3, Abuela told Santana to leave her house with no other word after Santana came out. Despite Santana’s pleas, Abuela had had the final say. In this scene, things are different. Instead of faltering and hiding, Santana puts her foot down and stands her ground. She keeps her head high and has the final say (something that I believe Abuela taught her when teaching her how to be bigger and better than what the world was going to give her permission to be), and Abuela had no choice but to walk away without another word.

To finish this scene, Santana leans into Brittany. Brittany comforts her (like I’m sure Brittany did the first time Santana came into Abuela the moment she could (which I believe was as soon as Santana got into her car where Britt was waiting (just in case Abuela wanted to meet her))). Santana knows she can count on Brittany. She is her family now. They stick together and love each other no matter what, even if it means being disappointed when things don’t go as planned.

Had Abuela and Santana never made up, I would have been completely okay with it because this scene shows a lot of growth in Santana.

It makes me feel so proud of Santana. She cared so much about others' approval. She had been so scared of her feelings for Brittany that she let herself be miserable and made others feel that way, too. Santana ended up being bigger and better than the limits she and society places on her. In doing so, she learned to accept and love herself, Brittany, and their family. Proudly so. While she wanted Abuela in her life, she decided to let Abuela go and instead surround herself with her new family, one that had plenty of “true love.” A lot, a lot.

That is freaking beautiful, and I absolutely love it.

(Also, protective Britt is 😍🥰).

-@lylyluvda916

Pre-Wedding Scene- 6x08

Q: Favourite Glee scene ever? A: My wedding! -Naya (Twitter Q&A 2015)

“My favourite scene to film was the wedding with me and Naya. It’s just a beautiful memory that I am so thankful I have during this time. It happened at the same time as I was getting married, and it just felt like a double wedding, if you will, because that was the title of the episode. It just kind of summed up our entire relationship on the show and it felt so real, and so magical, to do that with one of my best friends.”- Heather (Cameo 2015)

After too much thinking, I’ve decided that my favorite Brittana scene is the pre wedding when they’re getting ready and Britt freaks out because Santana sees her before the wedding, thinking it’s a bad luck thing. And then Santana says to her that rules don’t apply to them and that they make their own luck. After that they kiss in the most perfect way. It’s my favorite because by saying that to Brittany, Santana made it clear that no matter what traditions say or people believe, everyone can choose how to be happy.

-@awesome-shipper

My favourite Brittana scene would have to be just the whole wedding episode if i’m being honest aha (i love all the Brittana scenes lol its soo hard to choose haha) because it shows that love is love and that anyone can get married if you love one another doesn’t have to be man and women, it can be women and women or even man and man! Love is love! I love the episode also because they are just soo cute in it lol, like Brittany having all the pre wedding worries and then Santana calming her down, ahhh its just soo cute aha.

-@elmamacca

It’s so ridiculously hard to pick my favourite Brittana scene, when they all mean so much. Each one means something different for them in terms of their story. Though they may lack screen time compared to other couples on the show, their scenes are filled with so many firsts. First time Santana admits her feelings, first time they mention their officially dating, first kiss, first I love you in a relationship when they're both happy...so they’re each special for different reasons. Even the break up has Santana admit for the first time that she had feelings for Brittany way back in Sophomore year (S1). Something that was implied but never verbalised before that point.

It's hard to pin it down to just one. I love 2x15 for the obvious reasons of getting to see Santana admit what was already clear to see. That she loved Brittany. Seeing her finally admit that was just really poignant for me.

Landslide and Songbird hold such special places in my heart. The bravery. The love. Everything. I felt it all.

Heart was the fluff we so sorely craved for 3 seasons, and they finally we got it in the best way, and we got our first on screen kiss (3 times over).

5x12/5x13 had me feeling euphoric because finally after a season of absolute crap they finally got back together. The kiss was amazing, and we got to see Brittany lay it all on the line for Santana and make it clear who her top choice always was deep down.

6x03 was like a treasure trove of pure joy. The softest bed scene ever which I love for, my fav duet from them and ofc the proposal. Seeing Santana so boldly (I felt so proud of her in this moment) declare her love for Brittany in front of everyone (something she once thought she'd never be able to do), and for Brittany to be able to see that after their rocky start of "I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you and want to sing about making lady babies", was everything! The call backs to Landslide were just ugh, and it really showed how far they had come. Santana’s speech and how nervous she is, plus Britt’s tears and the way she snatches the ring, lives in my head rent free.

6x06 is also like, incredible, and one of my fav ever Brittana episodes. Just the whole damn episode and how domesticated they are, Santana’s bravery, Brittany’s protectiveness, all the soft af dialogue that looks like it’s been plucked straight from a fanfic. The “did I ever tell you that I love you?” “tell me again” scene is one of my all time favourite scenes from them ever, and I can’t with how utterly adorable and playful and in love they are. Essentially, my love for the ship holds no bounds so there are too many “fave scenes” to count. Truthfully, I could write an in-depth analysis about every single one one of their scenes and how it touched me in some way, but I think if I had to pick just one I'd go with 6x08 the pre-wedding scene.

It's their last major "two-shot" scene and I honestly think it captures everything. Not only is it just contextually sweet the way Santana can't wait any longer to see Brittany and the words that she says, and the way Brittany is nervously freaking out, it ties up a lot of their story. Santana says with confidence "you love me, and I love you" after what seems like a lifetime of self-doubt, finally she knows Brittany loves her and no longer has to question that. This is the same girl who begged Brittany to say she loved her back as a scared closeted teenager, and now she's standing in front of her on their wedding day knowing that Brittany loves her without even needing to hear it. But regardless we do get an "I love you so much" from Brittany, unprovoked by Santana, which again is a callback to that heartbreaking 2x15 scene. It was all Santana ever wanted to hear back then, now she gets to hear it so freely on their wedding day. Their wedding day guys!? Nothing can ever top that for me, for them to have that ending to such a imperfectly perfect story, after all the erasure, the angst, the break-up, seeing them with other people, watching Brittany go off to MIT and thinking yep...this ship is done because Heather's never coming back now.

The way Santana manages to calm Brittany and make her see clearly, is everything, and it really shows that yin/yang dynamic that I love so much about them.

Being someone who felt like I was living vicariously through them and seeing them get the ending of all endings and get married which is such a rarity (or certainly was at the time) for WLW ships was EVERYTHING. There's also the kiss (my fav kiss of there's) and the fact that moments later Abuela comes in and finally makes amends with Santana. It was the perfect, happy, full circle ending to a rollercoaster of a story, and nothing will ever get more satisfying than that.

-@chooseyouovereveryone

Full List Of Scenes & YouTube Links

Brittany & Santana Talk To Holly Holliday About Their Feelings

Landslide

Hurt Locker

Songbird

Heart Locker

Officially Dating

Rumour Has It/Someone Like You

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Cherish/Cherish

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

Tongue Tied

Mine

Santana Walks Brittany Out Of The Auditorium One Last Time

Valerie

Churros Kiss

The Lilies Scene

The Bedroom Scene

The Proposal

The Hallway Scene

Brittany Confronts Santana’s Abuela

Pre-Wedding Scene

Top 5 Scenes

Each of them had 3 responses each.

Landslide

Hurt Locker

Songbird

Lilies Scene

Pre-Wedding Scene

Season Breakdown

Season 2, Season 3, Season 6 (5 scenes each)

Season 5 (3 scenes)

Season 4 (1 scene)

Season Popularity By Number Of Responses

Season 2 (12 responses)

Season 3 (9 responses)

Season 6 (8 responses)

Season 5 (6 responses)

Season 4 (1 response)

Thank you all so much for reading, participating, sharing etc. I really hope you’ve enjoyed it!

#brittana #brittany and santana #glee #gleeks #glee brittana #glee brittany #glee santana #santana lopez #brittany s.pierce #brittany pierce #rumours #10yearsofbrittana #10yearsofrumours #brittana fan project #brittany x santana

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life-rewritten · 3 years

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Fish Upon the Sky Episode 1-7 (The Problems with Walls; An analysis on Duen and Pi)

I swear, if I could just settle down, stop running away and actually analyse FUTS the way I usually do. I would have so many essays by now on how authentic and deep this show can get with some of its characterisations. As I write this FUTS essay that has constantly been plaguing me and making me frustrated that no one else is seeing these themes, I realise again sadly how this director has sadly failed to show the vision of what he wanted for the series. An essay on how DuenMeen and MorkPi mirror each other so much with their themes, it sounds crazy to think that they do because their storylines on the surface seem different at times. Still, also their love interests act differently towards them, and they have different dynamics with them. But that's what's so great about meta and mirroring in TV, especially in shows that aren't meant to be seen as deep or purposely filled with hints and clues to break down. Fish upon the Sky is one of those shows. It struggles to find a balance between wanting to be more profound and showing exciting themes vs pleasing and appealing to the audience, using humour and other exaggerated performances/narratives to do so. However, the writer of Fish upon the sky novel has always had her works struggle with these issues and themes. Jittirain always writes emotional stories about unrequited love, with different lessons, ideas, or characterisations that people fail to understand or truly value because the meta/depth of their personalities is hidden or misunderstood by their own directors. This is what happened in 2gether; this is what also happened in Theory of Love.

A Misunderstood Duo

In order to really understand how grand the narrative the show is failing to truly flesh out is, you need to understand that Pi and Duen (the two main characters of the show) are the narrators of both their own stories. Pi's is Fish upon the sky whilst Duen is Leech upon the sky (😂😂) but what's great is that you can already see the mirroring/similarities just by their titles. Even though their insecurities and worries seem different, it's the same theme for them; both struggle with love because they secretly have a lot of self-deprecation and hesitancy from how people have treated them. It's not as noticeable when you see Duen's characterisation/storyline, but if you truly focus on the themes of his narrative without being distracted by the loud comedic routine he has, you'd see that his biggest insecurity, that he tries to be defensive and act like he doesn't care about is his dumbness. He genuinely feels weaker/inferior because he's known as being dumb to everyone around him. He struggles to process anything that is complex and requires more depth or thought. It's played for laughs because he relishes in the idea that people feel exasperated by his actions. He acts like he doesn't get bothered by how people perceive him because he's still seen as socially acceptable, unlike Pi, who's actually bullied and alienated from society because of his own 'flaws'.

But you can see that it's all a façade when it comes to Duen, just like with how Pi handles his own insecurities and trauma to do with his perceived flaws. It's why Duen chooses to lie to Meen that he's a dentist. He didn't want him to see him the same way others do. This already should show that he doesn't actually enjoy being seen as dumb, but he has walls up to make it seem like he doesn't care. He knows he's constantly being compared to others, but he can't change who he is (just like Pi didn't also want to change how he looked or acted to please people at first). So he jokes and tries to see a positive in being that way; he starts to want to slack off and cheat off others when it comes to work. He stops taking University seriously and repeats classes constantly because he always fails. That is until Meen shows up, and then he starts to want Meen to believe he's something more. Why?

But in case I haven't repeated it enough, Duen is like Pi, whose insecurity is easier to see since we watched him get attacked and bullied for it immediately in the first episode. It's Pi's true thoughts and opinions we see in the show as the audience, whilst Duen's story is hidden with comic relief and unseriousness. They both try to act like they're okay with what they are being judged by in society. Thus, they act confident, they're both loud, they're selfish, acting like they don't care how people see them. Preventing others from getting to hurt them by making it look like they are in control of what they have and use that to their own advantage with others.

They both stay heavily in denial about their true feelings in general, but primarily with the critical focus; the people who make them question everything about their flaws that come into their life and frighten them the most. The ones that break down those facades; make them automatically want to run away whilst being unable to stop showing and escaping their true feelings whenever they're in their presence.

The Use of Humour and Sarcasm

So what we end up with is a narrative with two incredibly annoying and flawed characters who are seen in the audience as exaggerated caricatures for comic relief and shallow storytelling. And it's brilliant because both their unlikable/loud, selfish personalities are just fake walls built, so they don't crumble and get affected by how society views them or wants them to act. So you see, there's the issue that people keep misunderstanding about these two stories, especially about these two brothers. They're realistic; they're flawed because they've been affected by society and the environment around them. They're acting like how anyone who's been hurt before would act, they have built up walls, and they've decided to just stay by themselves and let that guide them in everything. They deal with their issues with sarcasm and humour to reduce the seriousness of the situation, so they don't appear weak or let anything hurt them.

That's why I love this narrative of FUTS, it's meta and more profound than people think, but because the director doesn't do the best to show it, it can get lost in all the exaggerated humour. For example, with Pi, because he's socially anxious and always overthinks how people think of him (due to his past experiences of being abused and hurt by being ignorant of how people thought of him), his world is wildly exaggerated in his head. The way he narrates the story is played for laughs and is a very telling and realistic representation of how overthinking is expressed in his mind; it's overdone, loud and nonsensical at times. That's what social anxiety does; it makes you cry about one stare, one laugh, one action someone does, it makes you panic over the most minor things, and Pi does that with panic and boisterous, sarcastic humour from the start of the show.

Hence his story also has exaggerated humour because he deals with his issues with that fake jokes and sarcasm. So the show also exaggerated humour too when we are in his perspective. This is actually similar to Duen's breaking the 4th wall narrative style of his storyline. As with Duen, whose narrator of his story mocks and laughs at his actions ironically. When really that is just literally himself fighting with his inner voice about his true feelings about Meen. He breaks the 4th wall because he's internalising his own emotions and dealing with them as a skit; the narrator is his true self ridiculing him for not accepting that he has feelings for Meen and that he's not as bright/cool as he thinks he is. So if we understand this and notice that the narrator makes fun of him constantly and jokes about his actions, you'll realise that Duen sees himself that way too; he sees himself as a joke. He doesn't see himself as suave and carefree; he actually mocks himself internally for being dumb and being gross.

Pi: The Need for Protection and Avoidance

So already, just from breaking it down with this point of view, Duen and Pi mirror each other so well, and their narratives because of this focus on the same themes and ideas of self-discovery. Both are flawed characters with a lot of vulnerabilities and pain that they refuse to deal with properly. An id ego defence mechanism catalysed because of their past experiences and protection of their mental space. They both stay in denial, hurting who they love by refusing to let them get to see them without the walls down and more. Pi hates that he loses control with Mork and refuses to let Mork have his heart because he believes Mork is too good for someone like him secretly. He knows he'll be the one damaged. Hence the choice to intentionally misinterpret his brother's metaphor on the vaccine analogy and view it as the complication with getting with Mork. Let me try and use this to break down his mindset with why he chose to still choose Nan even though he knows (he does know) that he wants to be with Mork romantically. Listen to the analogy his brother uses. He mentions the iatrogenic vaccine, a vaccine intended for a patient that starts helping the patient be well but actually causes more harm than good. The end result is because of the incompatibility of the vaccine and the time it takes for those results to show up in the patient and make their lives affected in a negative conclusion.

A vaccine ironically is meant to be an antidote, something that saves people, that helps and makes them feel better. And that's what Mork says he wants to be for Pi, it's romantic, but once his brother announces a different version of a vaccine, Pi jumps with that analogy and believes that's the truth about Mork and him that makes sense to him, than seeing it positively. So with this analogy, we can break it down this way:

The Iatrogenic vaccine was too different and incompatible with the patient. Which is what Pi believes about Mork. Remember, Pi doesn't think (because of what people have told him) that he deserves loyalty and love from people better looking/capable than him. He sees Mork in this light from the start; he views Mork as a rival because Mork is good looking, popular, strong and cool, basically things that are not associated with Pi to others. So Mork and him are incompatible in Pi's mind. This is why Pi constantly asks Mork why he wants to be close to him. He just doesn't understand it.

Second, the Iatrogenic vaccine starts off good but causes damages in an irreparable way to the patient. It's the patient that ends up being affected by this vaccine interaction, not the vaccine that caused it. Before Wan starts this vaccine conversation, he discusses how people around his hospital are patients primarily because of heartbreak; they come in with damaged mindsets, broken hearts and self-harming injuries because of being hurt by love and letting themselves be vulnerable to that. All Pi hears is people hurt themselves over the pain of heartbreak and being abandoned. That's the complication if he does finally trust Mork. Especially after Mork and him get to be close, it'd be just like with everyone who has gotten to know him in the past, who stayed by his side as 'friends', once they learnt about him, what they said is that he wasn't worth being loyal to. So many people used and deserted him, and it almost broke him. This is why Pi grow the walls he has now. Even though Pi is chasing after Nan, he's not expecting an answer from Nan that's positive; Nan is a fantasy, something he can use as a goal to want to keep chasing and distracting himself from that singleness and loneliness he felt at the start of the show. This is why he's doing all of this; he just wants a distraction from the mess of his life. But to Pi, Mork? Mork is real. He's serious; he's someone who Pi actually truly will be damaged by if he's hurt and left by him; he's someone who Pi truly loves and is real to Pi, it's terrifying, and so he rather just avoid that because of the risk of a complication. To be that patient tricked by the vaccine and left to deal with those consequences all alone? Yeh, no, he can't do that. Pi sees him as a friend and doesn’t want to end that because that's the first thing in a while that has made him feel actually happy being himself and accepted. Being friends with Mork makes him feel safe. So again, it's selfish, but it’s all about him preserving what he already has with Mork rather than damaging it.

Those complications are exactly that result if he lets Mork in romantically and Mork sees his true self and leaves like everyone; it’s not Mork who’d be hurt. It’s Pi who’d have nothing more to believe in if he lets himself be that vulnerable. Again Pi is thinking with his head when it comes to Mork; there’s a massive risk if someone takes the wrong vaccine, that person is damaged because of it. Pis journey with Mork is the same thought process that friends to lovers have. The fear of losing each other if they cross that line, of taking things too far and ruining the foundation they had that made them safe. The fear of the love being false as it always has been from others. Pi thinks he likes Mork because how can he not? However, Mork is always there, making it hard for him to think. He associates Mork with niceness and protectiveness, but that doesn’t mean he has to accept him romantically, and Mork sees right through him and is fond of breaking down those walls he put so high up to ensure he doesn't get hurt again. Mork is the one pushing Pi further away from him the more he clings because Pi doesn’t like losing control. Same as Duen. And Mork doesn’t let him just figure it out without manipulating everything; the more he does that, the more Pi feels manipulated and tricked into wanting Mork as a partner, and that's too scary for Pi. This is why it’ll be massive when he finds out who Mork truly is on his phone as the guy from nearby faculty.

Duen: The Need for Nonchalance and Ignorance

Duen is the inversion with his storyline; he tries to look cool and better to Meen, refusing Meen to see him when he's worried, anxious or insecure because he himself shuts off those emotions whenever Meen triggers them. He doesn't want to face the truth, that he hates being seen as dumb and not being seen as a hero to Meen. He lies to Meen because he's trying to keep him by his side without actually letting him see his true self. After all, if he does, he also may judge or leave him too (guess what same as Pi's worries with Mork. Mirroring!). Duen tries to act unaffected just like Pi does with Mork because again, they both know once they break down and give in, there's no turning back, they will be exposed, and the' truth' about them (which they believe and see about themselves) will push the people they truly want by their sides away.

So instead, they grapple for control by faking lack of care and feelings for their partner; they refuse to apologise quickly and refuse to give in easily to them to further their relationships, increase their trust and let them in. They refuse to let go of their fake personas and fake masks and walls they've built and try hard to hold onto the facade, which hurts Meen and Mork in the end. They both push and pull and show signs of vulnerability and romance only when they're alone with no one else around (like the tent scene with MeenDuen and the after school night scene with MorkPi outside). They show worry, devotion, and they show that they want them by their side. And these are the moments when we actually get to truly see who they are without their walls, their fake personas unshed, and their niceness, their care and protectiveness over them exposed.

Wan: The Comparison and Norm

When we're first introduced to the show, Wan is mentioned almost immediately as we see Pi's struggles. Because of Wan's reputation, people choose to crowd around Pi, and it's sad, but I also think Duen also had this same issue, just a bit different. With Pi, it's about his outer appearance, his beauty standards vs society's. It's exposed to him he lacks those, but it's his intelligence similar to Wan that makes people stay by his side at first. He also studies dentistry as Wan studied Medicine, viewed by societal standards as impressive and praiseworthy. Pi is used by people who want to both get to Wan and want to profit from his brain and abilities. Duen is the inverted version of this; he is seen as handsome and cool and aloof, a bit messy, but the reason why Meen first leaches onto him is his street smarts and survival skills with social interactions, he knows the right people, he is seen as cool by others including Pi, but he's also seen as dumb. He's failed repeatedly, unlike his brothers at trying to obtain a degree. So he has the outer appearance but lacks the next valuable thing in society's opinion; brains and the ability to increase your status by your talents and skills. Duen lacks that; he doesn't have any specific things about himself that he can fully be proud of. He's not highly talented, he's not intelligent, and he's also not viewed by women as extremely attractive or awe-worthy. He nonchalantly takes on this persona; he chooses to block any worries about things being serious because he lacks the smarts to think of things deeply or ponder about life's questions.

He's insecure, however, about this, and you see it when he tries to join in with Wan and Pi when they discuss vaccines and love. As Pi transforms for Nan, his lie is that he's well of without other people in his life like Mork; he pretends he's okay being seen as loud, not friendly, selfish etc. Duen's own lie to Meen is that he is a version of Wan, of what people think Wan is; intelligent, put together and reliable. Because what Duen wants from Meen all the time (he doesn't realise he already has this devotion from Meen for just being himself when he's not trying) is for Meen to want to rely on him since that's precisely what Meen keeps telling him he likes about him, or wants to learn from him; street smarts etc. Duen likes being seen as a protector, a hero, a helper etc., to Meen. And that's why he stays adamant with his lie and refuses to let Meen truly see him below the surface.

Like Pi, he also doesn't want to admit what he knows and has fought to accept, which is, he loves Meen and wants him by his side. It's the fear of losing what he has with Meen that makes him do what he does, which is the same reason Pi also keeps rejecting Mork; it's the fear of losing him. And that's the ironic thing about Pi and Duen, they're ironically trying to preserve what they love, but because of scars, insecurities and walls, they're hurting the ones they love by just refusing to be their authentic selves. It's ironic because they think being themselves is the worst option. Yet, on the surface, they act like they're fine with who they are, they're loud about being carefree of what others think of them, they're okay if these two leave them, but in reality, their worst fears are admitting that they agree with what people see in them as flaws, that they also hate themselves for that. That's heartbreaking because they fought so hard to keep loving themselves, to keep believing in their worth, but society made them genuinely think that they're wrong. And it's painful but realistic.

Again they're all similar and mirror each other. I just want people to understand that FUTS is a deep show; I know the director doesn't do the best job with what he's been trying to show, but it is deep; there is thought at times put to it in the profound moments. In the moments where both Pi and Duen aren't being fake and are their true selves, you'll notice that the jokes and humour slowly reduce whenever they are true; the narrator also reduces for Duen because he doesn't struggle as much with his feelings for Meen like he did at the first time. All the stuff that happens in the show is on purpose, even if done messily and poorly. People love to hate on the show. It has a lot of flaws, I know, but it's not the worst thing; it has deep characters that are incredibly flawed and hurt (even Mork, who we still hope will get to understand his story) it has people that act one way on the surface but hold deep scars and pains below whilst wearing a mask. The characters are unlikable because they are realistic to how people with self-sabotaging habits and deprecation act. That's why I like this show. And I'm sad I wasn't writing out more all about the meta and moments I've enjoyed so far. Anyway, I'm grateful this show has been shown this year; it definitely made me ponder my own ideas about how I view myself and if I have walls up around the people I love. I think many people do relate to Pi or Duen somehow, and it's unfortunate that the director doesn't help us feel the same way about the narrative when it's actually a great BL story to unravel and watch.

#fish upon the sky #futs #morkpi #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #cwg #fvete

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scorlettimagines · 3 years

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Indestructible: A Caliban Imagine

Request from Anon: Hi, I love your writing!❤️ I was wondering if you could do a Caliban x reader? Maybe the reader is being bullied and Caliban comforts them when he finds out?

Hope this is okay for you lovely, and enjoy x

It was hard to feel invincible when it felt like the world was falling apart around you. It was hard to feel like the strong woman everyone seemed to think you were when people you had barely even spoken to told you otherwise. It was hard to be happy when you didn’t think you had a reason to be.

No. Scratch that.

It was hard to be happy when you weren’t with him, instead being shot with words rather than bullets, insults stabbing at your skin rather than knives.

You were happy when you got home, when you were away from them and with him instead. Not that he knew. He didn’t know you looked forward to the day ending, to the moment when you could leave the Academy and hold his hand rather than textbooks. He didn’t know about the witches who had decided you weren’t good enough when they didn’t even know you, not really.

You were just an easy target. The quiet, academic one at the back of the room, who everyone knew was dating a Prince of Hell.

“Bit out of your league, isn’t he, Y/N?”

That had been the first insult, the first jab, the first confirmation of things that you already knew but didn’t want to admit. And it had only progressed from there, each letter of each word sliding down your throat as it hit you, choking you on its way down to your gut where it settled and stayed, making you scared and sick.

At first, that fear had disintegrated the moment you laid eyes on him, the moment he kissed you in greeting and made you forget. But that had been months ago, and just the sight of him, the feel of him, the knowing he loved you, wasn’t enough anymore.

But he didn’t know. If he did, he’d just cause a scene and make things worse.

So you pretended you were indestructible, because that’s what he thought you were. Until.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

You looked at Caliban. He was across the room, a book in his hand. It was one of yours, one of your favourites in fact, and it made you smile that he had taken the time to read it. You attempted to force that smile into a larger grin, one that you hoped would fool him.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Your heart stopped. He had never spoken to you like that before, never accused you something that he probably should have. He had always trusted you, always loved you, and now, here he was, seemingly stern. The walls you had built around yourself started to crumble; first witches hating you, now Caliban, now the man you loved who was supposed to be your saviour.

You couldn’t do it anymore. You couldn’t be strong anymore. And so, when you felt your legs begin to tremble, you let them give way, and you let yourself fall to the floor and cry.

It seemed an age before you heard the book drop to the floor, before you felt his arms wrap around you, his lips in your hair.

“Hey, hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“It’s not you. It’s-”

“It’s what?”

And so you told him. You told him about the months of bullying that had been going on, the way you didn’t eat most days out of fear of being bombarded by hatred, how you didn’t answer questions in class anymore because you would only be mocked later. You told him about how you had gone from indestructible to almost invisible; no-one else being able to see you but them, and they hated you for it.

You felt Caliban’s arms tense around you, a sign of anger that would need to be relieved.

“I’ll kill them.”

“No, you won’t. Just, be here for me, okay?” You looked up at him, at those green eyes gazing back down at you, ones that were contemplating what to do. The darkness in them softened, his lips forming a small smile as opposed to the thin line that they had been. He stroked your back, kissing your forehead, and in that moment, everything started to feel a little bit better.

“Okay.”

“They’re wrong, you know.”

“What?”

“They’re wrong. I’m not out of your league, if anything, you’re out of mine. You, Y/N Y/L/N, are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I don’t deserve you at all. You’re kind, you’re smart. You make me laugh and you make me feel things I’ve never felt before. Things that I want to feel for the rest of my life. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you are strong. You are invincible. You are indestructible and no-one can take that away from you. You are everything a person should be, and I love you so much.”

And as Caliban kissed you with all the love that weighed in his words, you felt like you could conquer the world.

CALIBAN MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

#caos #caos imagine #caos imagines #Chilling Adventures of Sabrina #chilling adventures of sabrina imagine #chilling adventures of sabrina imagines #Caliban #caliban imagine #caliban imagines #caliban x reader #sam corlett

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itsmoonphobic · 3 years

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Phil's character and his life system on the DreamSMP won't leave me alone....Here is some interestin' facts I can't stop thinkin' about :)

We all know that the butcher army's number one target is Techno right? And they are planin' to get rid of him the fastest way possible by gatherin' information from people who interacted with him in order to find out where his current location is becouse nobody knows.Tubbo said that he expects posters to be hung up everywhere through L'manberg for propaganda,they want to gather as many people as they possibly can to be on their side against Technoblade,becouse together they are more affective.

So what would happen if the BA somehow reveals that Phil is in the possession of Techno's compass? That thing leads them straight towards his hideout in the north,without a doubt I think that the BA would immediately hurt/kill or hold Phil hostage in order to get the compass.Now if they actually decide to murder Phil,he would lose his only life becouse unlike the rest of the SMP Phil is stuck in the gamemode hardcore and he needs to play with a single canon life- while the other two lives he was meant to own were gifted to his eldest son Techno.

The thought of Phil dyin' to such a harsh reason like the government's revenge on his son is terrifyin' and truly heartbreakin'- I'm already scared for Phil and now long he will last before he loses his life,I don't want him to pass away this early into the new Arc.On one side,Ghostbur would finally have some spirit company from his father but both Tommy and most importantly Techno would be absolutely devastated and furious.I don't think that most of the players on the SMP are aware of the fact that Phil's life consists of only one chance at said life,they most likely believe he will just respawn and continue on with the rest of his lives- But that's not the case.

If he dies once it's all over- so to imagine that Phil gets killed becouse the BA requires the compass to track Techno down makes me really sad and also excited??We all know how much Techno cares for Phil,we know he would kill in order for his father,his only friend,to be safe.He has shown the overprotective nature he has around Phil's presence and we have also noticed how much of Techno's trust and loyalty rests on Phil's shoulders.Not only did his son give him a compass to always run to him in the need of help or anythin' really- but he practically opened his heart for him.Afterall,Techno did mention that he would give Phil the world if he desired so.

Now I already know the reaction we would get out of Techno if the BA or anyone really was dumb enough to try and go agaisnt Phil- It would end in mass genocide and complete destruction over the whole server.Techno might be in retirement right now,takin' a small break from his violent and bloodthirsty nature,but I wholeheartedly know that the moment somebody even lays a single finger on Phil it's already too late and pretty much over for them. Techno would,without hesitation,ruin them and make their life a livin' definition of a nightmare you can't wake up from. He would go so far as to destroy everyone and everythin' in his path to avenge Phil and his life,becouse in Techno's eyes his father was the last person who deserved to die.

Now that Phil's gone Techno is all alone,by himself in a world that's controlled by a government he so desperately tried to tear apart and let it crumble to pieces- He would be confused,scared and thirsty for revenge.Phil's death is a major problem in the whole plotline,especially the one Techno is writin' for his character! I really hope that nobody attempts to try to get to Techno by usin' Phil,it wouldn't end well in any way whatsoever and would only make things worse.I don't really know how Tommy would react but I know that his relationship towards his father in the SMP isn't the best,we all know that he's careful aswell as skeptical around Phil becouse he sticks close to Techno, Tommy's eldest brother and the person he hates the most. [for now atleast,i just have a feelin' that both Tommy and Ghostbur will join Techno's side soon and that the right time hasn't come yet for them to realize this-]

What I'm tryin' to say here is that if Phil dies,he's gone forever.There are no second opportunities,once those ten hearts are all drained from their red color it's over.I would be so dejected and sorrowful if the BA actually considers the idea to take that one,precious life away from Phil.And now that I think about it- Phil is conflicted.

On one side,the first thing he did when he arrived in L'manberg was murder his own son in cold blood,and the worst part was that Phil didn't even want to do it- He was handed over the blade by Wilbur himself.And by rebuildin, the city,Phil is workin' on finishin' his son's unfinished symphony for him since he isn't here to do it himself.And not only that but he also has to take care of the ghost of said dead son which is extremely tragic to think about.He wants to gain the citizens trust and wants to keep all of them under control by keepin' the atmosphere light.Phil's grandson,Fundy,is now also under his care which is a extra task on his part,add the fact that Wilbur forgot most of the things he committed and Phil tries his best to make him remember and recollect his lost memories.

Then there's Tommy,the most complicated son he has to deal with throughout all of this.Not only did Tommy get exiled- but he lost his best friend,his brothers and their beloved city they created together.His discs are the only thing dancing around in his head and keepin' him sane,due to the neglect and loss of major importance he became suicidal,thinkin' about losin' his last life to himself.He's all alone and is blamin' everyone else as the bad guy,he doesn't understand that half of the reason this happend to him was his own fault,his own selfishness and greed.Phil knows Tommy's stubbornness and temper,his hot headedness and that all he wants is everythin' to be the way it was at the beginnin' when it all started-

How Techno is,no doubt,Phil's favorite son.Their relationship is strong and built up on solid ground due to the past they spent together by eachother's side.Their bond and healthy correspondence makes them an unstoppable duo and Phil would do anythin' to keep it that way and enjoy his son's company as long as he can.He helps Techno with both small tasks and difficult quests,if he invites him of course,Phil would never tag along if Techno doesn't want company.He understands Techno,he understands the way he thinks and acts,the reasons behind his decisions and all of his activities.Phil was the first person to show Techno what it felt like to be loved and cared about,to be accepted into a world full of misery.And in return Techno granted him his respect,kindness and loyalty to keep up their parallel.Phil knows if he would join Techno that the way others view him would instantly change and shift towards bein' negative.

The fact that he has a Antartic Empire shield proves how much he wants to be on Techno's side and bring back the vibes of the empire they lead in the south,it's pretty much obvious that he's virtually already on Techno's side but he doesn't make a final statement on it whatsoever.He never spoke up about it genuinely,he never confirmed the suspicions of him joinin' Techno but I think it's self explanatory who's side he will be on.

And now comes the prison- Probably the most fucked thing that has ever been created.The idea was requested by Dream and Sam is the one deconstructin' it righ now.As for now we don't know much information or details about this jail but we for sure know who it's meant for- Techno.Like Dream stated when asked about it "Somebody who is very capable" and "Somebody I can't kill" which clearly describes Techno- He may never die,but it can be attempted to contain him in a cell.Now my prediction is that the BA and maybe even more people [Dream,Sam,the Badlands,etc.] will capture Phil and hold him imprisoned there until Techno willingly comes along to save Phil's life,they will certainly lure Techno in there by usin' his father as bait.

I have no idea if ANY of this stuff wiln actually happen' in the SMP,but even if they don't- Phil's character and story progress is one of the most underrated and interestin' ones.

#mcyt #minecraft youtubers #minecraft #dreamsmp #philza #technoblade #tommyinnit #ghostbur #wilbursoot #tubbo #fundy #dream #dreamwastaken #quackity #awesamdude

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krreader · 3 years

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waste it on me.

pairing: kim namjoon x reader fandom: bts warnings: sex ; language ; mentions of cheating genre: smut ; angst ; fluff word count: 1.5k+

summary: namjoon was willing to do everything in order to prove to you that yes, true love did exist.

a/n: it’s time for some namjoon stuff because our president deserves the attention and love. please enjoy this hun!!!

This.

This is what you two were good at.

Meaningless, yet glorious and satisfying sex for days with no strings attached that filled both of your needs until the next time you’d see each other again.

You didn’t really remember all the details on how it all started, that night was still blurry from all the alcohol that you’ve consumed because of what had previously happened. One second, you were staring at Namjoon and the next thing you remembered was being under him, moaning your lungs out while he made you forget.

You had been convinced from the start that it’d be nothing more than a one-night-stand, but even in your drunken state, you must have given him your number with a: “If you want to do this again, call me”.

And… he did.

And once you two were both sober and realised that the sex was still mind-blowing, you kept doing it.

Again and again and again.

So here you were, sleeping with him yet another time, digging your nails in his back as he was pushing into you so deeply, filling you out to the brim. He moaned directly into your ear, telling you how good you felt and how beautiful you looked, before he settled for sucking on that very sensitive spot on your neck that always gave you goosebumps.

You didn’t know how many times you’ve done this now, probably over a hundred if not more. But Namjoon was good at making you forget and so were you.

When you entered that motel room, all that mattered was you two. Your bodies, your feelings and your desires. Past memories and future anxiety were left at the door.

And so were feelings.

Or so you had thought.

For the last couple of months, Namjoon had been acting weird. He had been making comments that made you snort, chuckle and often times, raise your eyebrows suspiciously.

Complimenting you during sex vs. complimenting you out of the blue, like how gorgeous you looked, telling you that you were really kind and smart.. these weren’t the kind of things you wanted to hear from him, because they gave off the impression that he was developing what you told him you never wanted.

Feelings.

“I just don’t get it,” he had said one night after yet another tumble, with you already getting dressed again after having washed up, “What are you so afraid of?”

“It’s not what I’m afraid of,” you said as you were buttoning up your jeans, “I just don’t think that feelings, let alone love, are worth my time.”

“How can you say that?” he sat up in bed, the blanket slipping down and revealing his naked chest, “Love is.. beautiful. It’s the best feeling in the world, it’s what makes us feel alive.”

“No, Namjoon,” you walked up to the bed just to put your hands on his cheek and suddenly it felt like you were lecturing a young child, “This, sex like we have it, is what makes me feel alive. So let’s keep it at that, okay?”

You thought that with that statement, you would erase any thoughts of him having feelings for you. That you had made it clear enough.

But you either needed it to be more direct or he just didn’t think what you were saying was the truth.

One day, he showed up with flowers and said it was simply because he thought you might need something to cheer you up. The next time, he played a song on his phone that he said he had written thinking about you and, no, it wasn’t about sex, it was about more than that. Another time he left earlier than you, but when you wanted to leave, you noticed a bag and inside the bag, was a box with a bracelet inside.

You didn’t want a sugar daddy, you didn’t want a boyfriend, you didn’t even want Namjoon to be a friend.

You didn’t need that.

You just needed to forget with him.

But now, with all that he was doing, he made you… question.

And that wasn’t good.

You arched your back when Namjoon hit your G-spot over and over again, riding on that wave of pleasure as he was picking up the speed, chasing his own orgasm.

And like so many times before, the two of you reached it in unison; you perfected that skill by now.

His body became limp as he laid on top of you, breathing heavily and his dick softening inside of you. Only that this time, unlike so many times before, you didn’t push him away.

You let him stay there, actually even tightened your arms around his body a little like you were a little scared he’d get up.

And of course he noticed. He knew you too well by now.

“You’ve changed,” he whispered, pushing himself up on his elbows as he looked directly into your eyes. He had thought about enjoying this moment and simply keep quiet, but he wanted to get through to you and find the root of the problem.

For a moment you wanted to be honest with him and finally lay out all the cards on the table, but then you snapped back out of it and finally pushed him off of you, the walls that you built coming back up.

But unlike before, instead of letting you go into the bathroom and letting you wash up, Namjoon grabbed your wrist and kept you in the bedroom.

“Whoever broke your heart before, I’m not them, you know?”

“What makes you think someone broke my heart?”

“Your opinion on love makes that rather obvious, sweetheart,” he sighed and slid to the edge of the bed, pulling you between his legs, “I’m not asking you to marry me, (Y/N). But you and me.. we’re good together. And I think we could be even better if we’d just.. let it happen.”

“No,” you tried to sound strong when saying it, but your resolve crumbled and has been for the past month, so it sounded extremely weak.

Because as much as you liked to tell yourself that Namjoon was just a sex partner, the compliments and support that he’s given you these last months opened something inside of you that you had thought you had locked forever after the last break-up.

Still, you tried to lie to yourself in order to protect yourself from further trauma.

You walked into the bathroom and washed up, then walked back into the bedroom and got dressed.

So Namjoon, thinking that he once again couldn’t do anything else but let you go, did the same. He went into the bathroom to shower, fully believing you’d be gone just like all the other times that he went into the shower and walked back out to an empty bedroom.

But when he walked back out in a bathrobe, you were still there. Sitting on the bed with your hands folded in your lap.

He didn’t say anything.

But you did.

“He had cheated on me a week before I met you at that party. We had dated for three years and he had told me every day that he loved me and wanted to marry me eventually. I had planned out my entire future with this person and he threw it all away in one night. He had said that it was a drunken mistake, cried and begged me to forgive him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t forgive and I couldn’t forget. Every time I looked at him, I wanted to throw up, cry and run away to wallow in self-pity. The only time that I didn’t think about it was when I was with you that night. You made me forget and were my escape for the first couple of months, until it slowly got easier to get by. Still, I had promised myself to never love again, because no matter what a person says or does.. they will always let you down.”

Namjoon had listened and kept his distance, but now he sat down next to you, not touching you, because he wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do in that moment.

“Even if I wanted to give in, I can’t put that faith into someone again, Namjoon. I can’t waste my precious time on something like love… when love doesn’t even exist.”

“Then why are you looking at me like you’re trying to convince yourself when you say all that?”

Your eyes began to tear up, slowly shaking your head as your throat began to hurt from trying to keep the emotions in.

“I don’t know how..-“

Only now did he reach up to gently cup your face with his hand and catch a single tear falling out of your eye with his thumb.

“I don’t expect anything from you, I never have and I never will. No matter what you want, I will give it to you. I care about you, one way or the other. If you need time, I will give you that. If you need space, I will give you that too. And if you need me to prove that love does exist..-“ now he started to smile, “then I can do that.”

You tried to smile too and it worked surprisingly well when looking into the eyes of the man that had made you feel so good and safe these last couple of months.

“Well, there are certainly worse people to waste my time on.”

Neither of you knew if this would go any further than now at that moment, but when you fell forward in his arms and he caught you, holding you so close to him and so tightly, showing you that he was here for you and he was supporting you no matter what... it made you feel happy.

He made you feel cherished..

#kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon imagine #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #rm x reader #rm imagine #bts imagine #bts scenario #bts x reader #kim namjoon #namjoon #rm #bts #bangtan boys #bangtan sonyeondan #reader #requests

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queerderpyturtle · 3 years

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some old rambles about discord and starswirl that I dug up

I been thinkin. Bout Discord and Starswirl. And how they probably knew each other. And what their relationship could've been. And what that means for the rest of their arcs in the show.

From what we know (and what I remember) Discord came into power after Starswirl and the pillars were sent to Limbo, but Celestia and Luna started ruling Equestria sometime between those two events, because they were too young to remember or care about the other pillars, but they banished Discord.

We don't know a lot about Discord's past, but I imagine that when he first came to Equestria (at which point I assume he was fairly young by draconequus standards), he wasn't exactly given a warm welcome. Ponies were probably absolutely terrified of this horse-headed, bat-winged, lion-pawed, snake-tailed freak of nature, and there's a good chance they would've driven him out of town full force. His first taste of ponykind was rejection.

So, later, he tries again. He makes himself a pony disguise-- a handsome unicorn stallion named Atlas-- and sets off to learn more about Equestria. And it works! He's able to make friends, live amongst ponies, and study Equestria magic. He actually gets pretty good at doing through his unicorn horn, so much so that he manages to get into a prestigious magic school for gifted unicorns. "Atlas" is of course still a troublemaker, though. He pulls pranks, annoys his teachers, breaks the rules, and just generally has no respect for authority. And why should he? The entire society that Equestria is built on is corrupt beyond all belief, stuck in its ways, and downright hostile towards any creature outside of it. They didn't deserve his damn respect. Equestria itself was fairly new as well, and the ponies themselves were still getting used to each other. It was all one giant powderkeg, and Atlas was honestly excited to see what would happen when it went off. So he stuck around, if only to cause more chaos in this personal playpen country of his. If he wasn't the best student in all of his classes, his teachers probably would've strangled him after a day.

And then one day, he found himself in a class with the famous Odin Starswirl, a magically gifted unicorn with a penchant for proving others wrong and keeping a clear head while doing it. He was proper, eloquent, studious, respectable-- a perfect pony for Atlas to torment. Except it turns out that Odin is ridiculously, insufferably hard to annoy. When Atlas knocked over his books, or spilled water on his cloak, or made fun of his sloppy hornwriting, Odin simply responded with a sigh and a quick cantrip to fix whatever the stallion had ruined with his antics. This did not please Atlas at all. He spent more time hanging around Odin than he did hanging out with his more troublesome buddies, just to try and get a rise out of him. But he never could. If anything, they were becoming... friends. Atlas's biting remarks turned into light-hearted jabs and playful scoldings.

"Odin, for heaven's sake, if you don't take a break from studying to shave for once in your damn life, I'm going to have to start calling you Starswirl the Bearded!"

His destruction of property turned into casual acts of kindness.

"Yes, I brought your saddlebag. I knew you'd forget it, you scatterbrain. We're lucky you even remember to eat."

His contempt for Odin's huffy nature turned into giving the unicorn an easy out for boring social events hosted by his equally uppity parents.

"C'mon, Stars, let's get out of here. I know a place nearby that sells elderberry tea."

"You know I can't leave. This is an important party."

"Important to whom, exactly, my dear?"

"To my parents!"

"Your parents. Well, last time I checked, they weren't you."

"...Fine. Thirty minutes, and then you're bringing me back."

Before long, Odin was regularly sneaking off to join Atlas and his friends on their escapades. He found himself strangely drawn to the unicorn, in spite of-- or maybe because of his rebellious and carefree nature. He was so different from the ponies Odin was used to, so sure of himself, so headstrong. Odin would be a fool to say he wasn't slowly getting attached to the scoundrel.

Atlas noticed this, of course. He was honestly surprised! Who knew a straight-edged young scholar like Odin would be so willing to stray from the path of monotony? And that was all Atlas wanted. To cause a little chaos in Odin's life. It wasn't as if there were moments in which he looked at the unicorn and considered giving up his whole scheme to enjoy a happy life alongside his... friend? Companion? Fellow associate? Lord, what even where they? Atlas had never really had a friend that was interested in any part of him other than the chaotic part, and Discord hadn't had any friends at all. He took a leap of faith one day to ask Odin if they were, in fact, friends, and Odin responded with an aloof "Yes, I do believe so." And that was that, wasn't it? He had a friend. A real friend.

Over the next few years, Odin and Atlas became inseparable. It was a thing to see, the two of them trotting down the streets of Canterlot together. They couldn't have been more different, from the way they walked to the way they spoke, but they were as close as ponies could get. Odin gave Atlas a safe place to practice magic, study Equestrian history, and discuss the library's old scrolls and texts from ancient unicorns. Atlas gave Odin an out from his mundane life as a trophy child of the wealthy Starswirl family. When Odin started tutoring two unicorn fillies with promising skills in arcane magics, Atlas was the first of Odin's friends he introduced them to (the fillies lovingly started referring to the stallions as their honorary uncles). When Atlas accidentally used too much sticking potion in a prank and stuck one of his teachers to the side of the school for three days, Odin helped him sneak into the Starswirl mansion to hide, scolding him between laughs the whole way. They each saw more in each other than the average pony could ever see; Odin was more than a prodigy, and Atlas was more than an annoyance.

And if there were, perhaps, by some miracle, some hint of... romance beneath their friendship that neither side would admit to, well. That was their own business. If they enjoyed cuddling up on the couch to read from the same book, nopony needed to know. If they relished each "accidental" brush of hooves or tails when they walked together, nopony would be any the wiser. If Odin longed for the day when Atlas would use those strong forearms of his to pin the stallion against the nearest wall and just kiss him already, and felt more alive than he'd ever felt in his life when Atlas finally did...

Then maybe that was just fine. And for a while, it was. But there was always that itch at the back of Atlas's mind, that knowledge that their relationship was fleeting, because it was all, in truth, based on a lie. If Odin found out who Atlas really was, what Atlas really was, it would all crumble to pieces like a biscuit that had been left out in the sun. Atlas... no, Discord hated that the thought of losing Odin-- a simple pony whose life was a speck of dust in his immortal existence, who would be a pile of ashes in the ground before Discord had even had his second molt-- made him so unreasonably upset. He'd known going into this that becoming invested in the lives of the ponies in Equestria was foolish. He'd never meant for it to get this far. He'd come here to futz with the government a bit, maybe start a few riots or terrorize a few queens. He never wanted to find Odin. So why wasn't he willing to let him go?

Shit, he really was in too deep.

And yet, Atlas and Odin found themselves ever-so-slowly, but ever-so-surely falling in love.

But nothing gold can stay.

Odin had always known Atlas was a bit of an anarchist. It was one of the things he admired about the stallion-- his ability to let go of the norms that Equestria had built for itself and be his own pony. The problem was that Atlas seemed to have a problem with how Equestria treated creatures who weren't ponies. Griffons, yaks, kirin, and the like. Equestria had never been a big trading country, or a big socializing-with-other-nations country. They kept to themselves. Of course, this meant that xenophobia was rampant, and that the fear of the outside world was instilled into the hearts of almost every pony there. But why should Atlas care so much?

Odin asked him as much when the two stallions were studying together in Odin's room, and Atlas became noticeably more tense. He gave Odin a simple "I just think it's wrong," hoping to avoid the subject, but Odin pressed him for more details. Sure, Equestria was problematic, but all in all, it was a good country. Was there really anything so bad about wanting to keep it the way it was? Atlas tried to keep himself from snapping, tried to keep himself from saying something he'd regret, but hearing these things from a pony he loved hurt him deeply.

"It's not about tradition or preservation, Odin. It's about the fact that Equstria has never been willing to change. Before the unifications of the species, it was conflict between the pony species. After, it was conflict between the classes. Now, it's conflict between countries. Just because the problems are external doesn't mean they aren't there," Atlas told him.

"But it isn't exactly a pressing matter. It hardly effects us at all. I guess I just don't understand," Odin replied.

"Of course you don't."

It was said so quietly that Odin couldn't quite tell if he'd been meant to hear it, yet with such venom that he couldn't ignore it. He chanced a confused look and a "What?"

Atlas stood. "Of course you don't," he repeated. "You're the perfect example of a high-class, magically advanced, want-for-nothing unicorn pony. You're perfectly content to live in your little bubble of mediocrity, never trying to do anything to change the world around you. You think there's nothing you can do to help others, so you don't even try. You think they'll sort themselves out. You're complacent, Odin. You've always been."

"Complacent! And just what is wrong with that? I'm doing my best in my own life and I have no responsibility to try and fix the lives of others! Is it so wrong to focus on myself?"

"Of course not! But you can't just pretend that you're the only one with problems! I see it every day, Odin. You act like you're on top of the world, like you're above feeling sorry for others. You don't even care about them. About me!"

Odin looked hurt. "Atlas, I-- of course I care about you! You mean everything to me!"

"And just how much would it take to change that? Telling you my real name isn't Atlas? Telling you I'm not from Equestria? Telling you I look like this?!"

In a flash, Atlas removed all the disguise spells he had on himself, leaving him-- Discord-- in his true form. A long, sleek body covered in brown fur. The misshapen head of a goat, framed by a shaggy black mane and two short horns. Wings, legs, and a tail that had all been taken from different animals, stuck together like a gruesome collage. Odin's eyes trailed up the creature's body slowly, trying and failing to comprehend what he was seeing. He began to back up.

Discord could feel each step he took like knives driving into his heart. Odin was afraid.

The draconequus scoffed. "You're all the same."

"A-Atlas, I..."

"Discord. My name is Discord. I am a draconequus from the tribe of the western Badlands, sent to Equestria to study its magic. When I first came here, I was avoided like the plague. Ponies wanted nothing to do with me. They saw what they were told to see in me-- a monster. A hideous, murderous, blood-thirsty monster. They threw me out because I was different."

Odin was silent for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice trembled. "I think I n-need some time to... to process all of this. Alone."

Discord couldn't have stopped the pain he felt from showing on his face if he'd somehow managed to summon all the magic on the planet. He gritted his teeth, blinked back tears, and disappeared in a shower of sparks.

It was the last conversation he would have with Odin for a millennium.

That night, Odin lay in bed, his mind racing, working overtime to try and figure out what in Tartarus had just happened. Firstly, he and Atlas had just had their first real lovers' spat. Except that those typically didn't lead to one of the ponies involved revealing that he was a creature from a faraway land, but whatever. Secondly, "Atlas" was a draconequus named Discord. That would take some getting used to, of course, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Thirdly, Atlas-- who was actually Discord-- had stormed out in a huff without saying goodbye. Well, that's just how things were sometimes. Nothing to lose sleep over.

When he awoke the next morning, the first though this mind supplied him with was, "Oh sweet merciful heavens I've ruined everything." He rushed to school early, hoping to find his friend (Boyfriend? Lover? Shit, I love him and I just cast him out like an old dish towel), but the stallion was nowhere in sight. Odin asked around, tried everything to get into contact with Atlas/Discord, but nothing came up. He had disappeared off the face of the planet.

Instead of dealing with all the emotional turmoil that came with that situation, Odin threw himself into his studies. His magic grew stronger and stronger, fueled by rage and pain and sadness. He pushed Celestia and Luna to become powerful sorcerers like himself, pouring every hour that he didn't spend practicing magic himself into teaching them. He tried to forget about Discord entirely, and move on. He didn't need some handsome bad-boy keeping him sane to be successful. He only needed himself. That was all he would ever need. Odin was gone. There was only the great and honorable Starswirl the Bearded.

When the sirens invaded Equestria, he agreed to help defeat them. When Stygian came to him looking for friendship that Starswirl hadn't even offered to the other "pillars," he turned him away coldly. When he realized the only way to defeat the Pony of Shadows was by sending the seven of them into limbo, he refused, at least at first. But the citizens of Equestria persisted. He was the great Starswirl, he had a duty to protect them and keep Equestria safe. He tried to tell them that the consequences of the spell were too drastic, but they would not listen. Starswirl had no choice but to go through with it.

Discord, meanwhile, had been staying on the outskirts of Equestria, brooding and cursing Odin's name. When he found out that Odin had vanished, however, and the circumstances of his disappearance... well, he wasn't happy. Despite everything, he still loved the idiot, and he had never wanted something so terrible to happen to him. Odin would have never agreed to something like that without being pushed by the Equestrian citizens. What right did they have to decide who lived and who died? Why did they get to sacrifice their most beloved sorcerer for their own safety when there were other options? Was this the price they paid for harmony?

That wouldn't do. That simply wouldn't do at all. If these pitiful excuses for equines thought the pony of shadows was a threat to their delicate balance, he would show them true chaos. He dethroned the country's leader, took over, and made the ponies of Equestria suffer like he did.

And then Celestia and Luna came along. When had they gotten so big? So powerful? How had they grown wings? Were they seriously going to try and take him down? Lulu and Celly, the sweet little fillies who had once made him flower crowns and taught him songs and invited him to tea parties. They were going to try and make him surrender. How adorable. He wasn't going to fight them, of course-- he still held a great affection for them, no matter how long he'd been gone. He would let them do their little song and dance, and them send them on their way.

Of course it was hard for the sisters, too. They had looked up to Discord back in the day, he and Starswirl both. Now they were using the magic that Starswirl had taught them to defeat someone he had once loved. Someone he probably still loved. But freedom is never free, and the sisters were resigned to their fate. They harnessed the power of the elements of harmony, turned Discord to stone, and hoped silently that someday, somehow, he would return to them, and he and Starswirl would find each other again.

#Mlp #mlp discord #mlp starswirl #Starswirl the bearded #mlp Fanfic #fanfic #felt like throwing this in here too

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chrispaulcolfer · 3 years

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hi! i know you’re a chris/kurt stan, but i was wondering if you have any favorite blaine moments or blaine episodes? (also, i just wanted to say thank you for defending blaine/klaine so hard. so many kurt stans are so anti blaine and it really bothers me, so thank you for understanding where blaine is coming from too)

Hello there! General Kenobi.

Listen, I will defend Blaine Anderson on my death bed. The amount of shit people choose to hate him for is ridiculous and is more telling of them. Because there's enjoyment of enemies to lovers and then there's just extreme out of character "development" to make your enemies to lover ship seem like the better choice to canon because "omg abuse". Not here for it. Just enjoy your ship but keep the slander and hatred for Blaine Anderson out of it, wow so simple. Amazing.

Okay anyway. Favorite moments and episodes of one Blaine Anderson.

10. Never Been Kissed. I love his introduction. He grabs a strange dudes hand to take a shortcut, then pulls a fast one by being all "oh and by the way I'm a warbler so lemme serenade you real quick strange dude". WHO DOES THAT? It's ridiculous, it's perfect, and it's nice that he's introduced as someone who has also been through the hell of being bullied for something that defines him as a person, but still being the bigger person in the end and coming out stronger. He's there at the right time, the right place, and it's because of him that Kurt remembers he has a voice.

9. In season 6, watching him regain that confidence and stride that he had in season 2? Love it. It's nice to see that he went to therapy, stepped outside his box, and took a chance on something unexpected for himself (even if who he dates is stupid, and it makes me nauseous - I blame the writers for this stupidity and not the character. The character is just their pawn to get the viewers reaction). I like that he fights for Jane, I like how he confronts Rachel and Kurt and doesn't go easy on them in regards to the competition, and I like that even through the bullshit HE is put through he still doesn't let it consume him and make him into a bitter person. Plus, again, HE WENT TO THERAPY! I love that!

8. Dynamic Duets. Seeing Blaine take control of the school without anyone questioning him?! Amazing leadership. We see him being a great leader in other episodes, before and after this one, but this one really hits it on the head. He gets everyone to dress up as superheroes to help boost everyone's confidence, express themselves, and just get out of their box in such a creative and fun way. We see him struggling still with feeling like he fits at McKinley because the reason he transferred is gone and no longer his boyfriend. I like that we can see the struggle! He's lonely. He's depressed. He's trying so hard to be better at getting by, but we see the struggle emotionally and mentally. He almost transfers to Dalton again because he thinks it would be better for everyone. He has Sam now, and that's it (which, bleck blam, but it's still important this episode so whatever). We see how self-destructive he is but still comes out on top by doing something great for the community. I like seeing character development. I like seeing the tidbits of character thought process, because like Blaine I've been there. Wanting to feel apart of something where you feel WANTED not just accepted. — also this episode he shames Mr.Schue for not even noticing the trophy is gone which DRAG HIM ANDERSON!!! That hint of sass! LOVE IT. Also Nightbird as a whole? Yes. Good.

7. Puppet Master. I like seeing what would go on in Blaine's brain on drugs - is that weird? It's an interesting view into his subconscious. He doesn't handle things like everyone else with their fantasy world them being hot and desirable. Nope! Blaine wants to feel validated, appreciated, and interact with felt-people because real people have hurt him - but felt-people can't. Felt-people can be tossed aside without causing them harm. Felt-friends compliment his body. Felt-fiancé's do whatever you want (kinky - what were you going to do with Kurt puppet that night you tried to take him back from Sylvester, Blaine? Cheeky). I like this quirk. I just don't like the ending song, that's it.

6. I love his moments where he performs by himself or for Kurt specifically. There's something different about how he performs if Kurt is watching (Cough Syrup, Teenage Dream (acoustic & original), All of Me, Beauty School Dropout, Barely Breathing (though that's just a figment), It's Not Right) vs. when he's in a group number. He's good in every song he does, and maybe I just think he performs differently because I'm a sucker for the angst majority of those songs being but whatever. I like it.

5. Love the Blaine being dramatic as a whole. Remember his reaction to seeing Tina and Sam making out and then running down the hall? And how MUCH HE LOVES BUMPER BOWLING?! I do. It's amazing.

4. THE WHOLE THING WITH ELLIOTT!!! Why did they only have one scene together?! Elliott being so understanding, and supportive, and not at all thinking Blaine is this weirdo for just BARGING into his apartment the way he does. He just HANDS HIM A GUITAR and Blaine takes it and it WORKS. He lets Blaine vent, he doesn't take it personal, and then Blaine calms down and apologizes. AND THEN THEY JAM. The best thing. That friendship would've been god tier.

3. Also that sass. "Huh, that's so unlike you." "I would say bye, but I wouldn't want to make you angry." "Well, he's not coming out anytime soon." "Why dont YOU put it back because it's YOUR apartment?"

2. I also LOVE that he isn't perfect. I love that we see him struggle. It makes him more realistic. Seeing his body issues in season 5, the depression, the self-destruction, the people pleasing perfectionist, the meltdowns, the struggle - because we see him struggle and overcome it in the end. Despite everything he struggled with, he got his happy ending with his soulmate AND A CHILD. He's succeeding in life with a family!

1. Tested. The whole episode. His traumatic response to Kurt's traumatic response. His body and self-confidence struggles. His defensive attitude and self-destructing basically, before snapping that built-up wall and finally communicating with Kurt about what the underlying problem actually is. IT IS MY FAVORITE EPISODE FOR A REASON! For Blaine, for Kurt, for both of them. Because not everyone reacts to trauma the same! It isn't going to be pretty! It isn't rainbows and puppy dogs dancing on clouds. It's crumbling in silence, and trying to be stronger than you are, and shutting down, and not having processed something completely because life still goes on like the trauma never happened all around you. It doesn't stop. So you find ways to cope. Like eating too many cronuts that you gain more weight and start to slip down a self-loathing hill to the point where you make things up in your head because you're overthinking and not wanting to burden anyone, especially the person you admire and care for the most because then they'll be disappointed in you and that has to be one of the worst feelings. BUT IT ALL COMES TO A HEAD, and ugh. Love it. Dont care. I like the realism about it, angst and all.

#Blaine Anderson #long post #answered #sorry this took a while a dude got busy

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thejollyroger-writer · 3 years

Text

THE WASTELAND - DEAD MAN’S PEAK (14/15)

Some triggers: this story is rated TEEN, mostly for violence. It takes place during wartime, and some of the characters go through some violence and torture. If you need more information about this, please just message me!

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Almost there!! Thanks for sticking around with me for so long -- I promise it’s all worth it.

SUMMARY: In a world that has been saturated in war for as long as anyone can remember, Emma Swan has rebuilt her life as far away from the chaos as possible, opening her own maternity hospital after spending too many years in makeshift battlefield aid stations. But one night, a bloodied and battered soldier finds her hospital trying to get away from an enemy with a penchant for torture and a personal vendetta against him. With the help of Emma’s childhood friend Prince David and a motley collection of humans and magic-wielders, the quest to save Killian Jones’ life from the poison used by the enemy takes them to places even beyond the known world.

Specialist thanks to @spartanguard for her lovely art and @cssns for making it happen, and especially to all you guys who have stuck around for all of this – we’re almost done, I promise! Special shout-out to @thisonesatellite for her incredible fight scene beta work, bc I’m terrible at them and she is not and she helped wrangle my thoughts like Merlin had to wrangle -- well, you’ll see. Her help created one kick-ass kicking ass scene, and I hope you all enjoy it.

Also on AO3

“The last climb to the peak is just ahead,” Wendy huffs, out of breath from the last big hill as she points ahead of them. Though they have kept the thought to themselves, there is a collective fear that the large wall of rock ahead of them was the last step of their journey, a silent prayer said to whatever higher power they believe in to spare them from what looms ahead.

But even with that, not a single one of them is surprised to learn that their worst fears are true.

Their adventure across the island has taken only a few hours since Wendy finished her story, a breath of fresh air to the hardships they’ve encountered over the last few days. It’s like the island has run out of obstacles for them, is ready for them to take the last leg of their journey and finally reach where they came here to go in the first place: Dead Man’s Peak, home of the healing waters which will hopefully save not not only Killian’s life, but David’s, as well.

Now that they’re so close, can see the crags and footholds on the formation instead of simply a looming presence, a thought forms in the back of Emma’s mind, the reality of things she hasn’t allowed herself to think about. Though most of her fears come from travelling all the way to this island and failing to save Killian’s life, she finds herself thinking about what would happen if they failed to save David, about what it would mean for them to return to the Gale with news of the Prince’s death. What would they tell his father? How would they announce the news to the kingdom, when David’s rejection of his father’s views brought so much hope to so many people? The riots, the bloodshed, the anger that would come from that could be worse than the toll the War has taken on the people of the Gale.

She looks up from the path in front of her to where David and Mary Margaret are walking side by side and watches as he releases her hand to offer her the canteen from his hip. What would Mary Margaret do? Heartbreak would only be the beginning of her grief, raising a baby without the love of her life, without the man she has planned everything with for most of her life. In a world without him, without the hope he brought her, not to mention the rest of the world. Not a day would go by that she wasn’t reminded of her loss.

“Emma, love, you okay?” She almost doesn’t hear him, drowning in her own fears, but Killian’s words pull her back to reality as he takes a few larger steps to catch up to her.

“Hm?” She turns to him with as much of a smile as she can muster at the moment, though thankful that he acted when he did, before he could find herself more lost in the fears in the back of her mind.

“You just looked like you were worried.”

“Well,” she replies before gesturing generally around them, pulling a soft chuckle from Killian.

“More worried than usual, then.”

She wants to just shrug it off and say the island is getting the best of her, but she makes the mistake of turning towards him, seeing just how much he cares obvious in his pure blue eyes that have had her attention from the first moment he opened them the first morning she found him in her office. She sees the worry painted on his face, some of it from their circumstances; but knowing that some of that worry comes from the way he cares for her, she feels the walls she has built around herself crumble just a bit. “Something about almost being there is making me start to face the things I’ve been avoiding since this all started.”

“It’s going to be okay, love,” he whispers, reaching out to squeeze her hand, and though she can tell he doesn’t want to let go, he still does.

“How do you know?” She has no idea where the question comes from, and the last thing she wants to do is put more stress on him, but once it’s out, there’s no taking it back.

He just shrugs. “I don’t know for sure, really, but I have faith in you and in David and the rest of our crew.”

“Aren’t you scared?” She feels the same way about this question as the previous one, and he stops, watching as David and Mary Margaret move down the path in front of them. This time, she’s the one who reaches out for his hand; he’s thankful for it and turns his attention towards how she threads her fingers through his instead of looking at her for his confession.

“Of course I’m scared. I’ve never been so bloody terrified in my life. But if we’re destined to beat this, to get past this and leave Neverland behind, then whatever we find at the top of this mountain should be a piece of cake, as long as we do it together.”

The urge to kiss him is too strong, the second time today she’s dealt with it, but there’s nothing to stop her now. They’re at the end of the group, no one to come through the brush behind them. “Killian,” she whispers, moving to close the space between them as she rests her other hand on his chest, careful to avoid the area where she knows his injury to be. She can feel the pounding of both of their hearts, his under her fingertips while hers is strong enough to be felt through her whole body — but just like every other time they’ve touched, it comes with the same wave of calming peace rushing over them.

But Killian shakes his head, releasing her hand to rest his on her shoulder. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he mumbles with a chuckle. “I don’t — I want our first kiss to be without this cloud of death and destruction hanging over us, not until we know we’re both making it off this damned island.”

She laughs softly, resting her head against his shoulder, “That might be the most sensible thing you’ve ever said to me, even if going home means going back to the Wasteland.”

“After this, anything seems possible.” She moves to step away from him, but instead he places his hand on her hip, keeping her close to him. “Just… promise me something, Emma?” She looks back up at him and she doesn’t mean to pull her bottom lip between her teeth, but doesn’t regret the way his eyes grow wide at the sight of it, focused on her mouth until he blinks it away. “Don’t — don’t go back on this, yeah? On us?”

Nodding, she swallows the lump in her throat. “Okay,” she says, her voice much more hoarse than she expected it to be. For a moment, neither of them dare to move, Killian’s thumb moving slowly against the soft skin above the waist of her pants as her fingers toy with the material of his tee shirt. If they could stay here, time unmoving around them, able to ignore everything but each other, no threat of poison, death, war, looming over them — they would take that without a second thought.

But that’s not their current reality. “We should catch up with the others,” he whispers, though he already regrets that it would mean moving away from her, out of their shared moment, and she nods, stepping away from him, but reaching down to thread their fingers back together. A shadow of a smile crosses his face and he lifts her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss against the back of it, against the sensitive spot at the base of her wrist, as they begin to move back towards the rest of their friends.

The climb to the peak proves less futile than it looked, and between the magic of the Magistra, an Elder, and Merlin, they quickly build a quick magic-driven pulley system after Emma and Merlin climbed together.

Everything moves smoothly, every climb taking only a few minutes, until only David, Robin, and Belle remain at the bottom. David takes the rope in his hands, wraps it around his left wrist — and falls to the ground, his knees hitting the worn dirt with a thump.

“Dave!” Robin cries, rushing to his side, and Emma has to wrap her arm around Mary Margaret’s torso to keep her away from the ledge, soothing her as she screams out in fear. “Dave, what’s wrong?” Robin asks, kneeling next to where the Prince has fallen in the dirt.

“Dreamshade.” He can barely get the word out, his shoulders rising and falling with quick, labored breaths. “Spreading.”

Robin moves to lift his shirt, pausing to allow David to nod his permission.

It’s bad. Very bad. Robin has watched as Emma checked on this wound over the few days since he obtained it, and has seen how it failed to spread from the man’s rib cage to the opposite side, staying away from his heart. Now, all of that has changed. Robin watches, eyes wide, as the poison continues to spread, inching closer to where David’s heart is pounding in his chest.

“Bloody hell,” he mutters, and David turns his attention down to his wound, which he has been avoiding. When he sees what Robin sees, what causes Belle to gasp and cover her mouth as she looks over Robin’s shoulder, every drop of hope drains from his face, taking the color with it.

It’s just as bad as he expected, the absolute worst case scenario, and he squeezes his eyes shut as his nightmares come true, trying to keep himself from spiraling. He’s not making it off this island. He’s never going to see the Gale again, never going to watch the sunset over the mountains from his balcony. He’s not going to meet his heir, the child that has made it through the same Neverland hardships that he has — save the poison.

“I can’t climb,” he whispers, wrapping his fingers around Robin’s forearm.

Robin nods. “Yeah, okay, then you — you and I will stay down here.”

But David shakes his head. “No, they... need you. To fight.”

“I’m not leaving you down here alone.”

“What’s going on?” Mary Margaret calls from the top of the cliff, still held back by Emma’s arm, though they have moved closer to the edge.

“He can’t climb!” Belle calls back.

“Let me go back down,” Mary Margaret says to no one in particular, and Emma releases her with a nod.

“I'll go, too,” Regina says.

No one argues with either of them, even through Regina’s uncharacteristic offer of assistance.

“Can you poof us down there?” Mary Margaret asks, taking Regina’s hand when she offers it to her, confused but relieved by the soft smiles they share.

Regina squeezes her hand with a nod. “I hope so.” One hand wrapped around Mary Margaret’s, she swirls the other in the air in front of them, leaving only a cloud of dark purple smoke.

For a moment, then another, nothing happens. The whole island seems to hold its breath. And then they appear at the bottom of the cliff, just feet from where David and Robin are still kneeling in the dirt.

“David,” Mary Margaret breathes, crossing the space between them with quick steps, Regina following close behind. Together, Robin and Regina help the prince to his feet, moving him away from the base of the cliff and helping him find a seat on a nearby rock. Mary Margaret sits beside him, threading her arm under his and weaving their fingers together.

Once they’re set, Robin and Belle share a glance. “You ready to climb, ma’am?”

Belle nods, but gestures for Robin to climb first. Though he hates to leave his friend behind, he has faith that Regina will be able to offer David the same protection that he would, perhaps more with her powers as an Elder. But David is right, and Robin belongs where the fight will be, his rifle more useful to Emma and Killian.

Hopefully.

As he makes the ascent, Robin fears that they may have played right into Pan’s trap, leaving David and Mary Margaret behind at the bottom of the cliff, far from the waters that should heal him once and for all.

“You just need to make it to the water.” Wendy points through the brush towards the sound of rushing waters. “One sip, and you and your friend will be healed.”

Killian nods, his chest suddenly heavy with a weight that has been strangely absent, a fear that he has successfully avoided thinking about since he first learned that David had also been poisoned, that their fates were now entwined. The chance of them all getting off the island is slim — impossible, with the knowledge shared by Wendy just that morning. He moves towards the brush, knows that he must be the one to cut down the brambles — but he also knows, somehow, that if they were to look at his wounds, they would find the black spreading under his skin as well, further than it has before, getting closer to taking his life, to the end that he always knew was coming, somewhere in the back of his mind.

“Who gets to do the honors?” Merlin asks, and though many of them are holding knives, no one moves any closer to the wall of plants.

“It has to be me.”

“Why?” Killian turns his attention from the brush to an overly-worried Robin for a moment before returning his gaze to the thorns that he recognizes from twelve years ago, from the day his brother died and every nightmare he’s had since then, and he points to the brush with his knife before taking the last step towards it.

“Because it’s—” he begins, but Emma reaches out and places her hand on his arm, suddenly overcome with the overwhelming feeling that something is about to go terribly wrong.

"Pan," she whispers. "I can feel him."

“Careful, Captain,” a voice calls from behind them, and they all turn to see Pan. “Though I’m sure you recognize—”

“Dreamshade,” Robin says, still trying to put the pieces of it together.

The demon and Killian nod simultaneously. “Did you tell them that you’re not feeling too well, that you can feel the poison reaching your heart?” He doesn’t want to look at her, but he can’t keep his gaze from finding hers. He should have told her. He shouldn’t have hidden it from them — from her. “What if I get your heart rate up? What if I tell you that the plant has gotten more potent since the last time you stood on this peak? It took minutes to kill your brother, but it will take mere moments for you now.”

He can’t let his terror show on his face, he knows that, but still takes a small step away from the brush.

Pan smiles. “You can’t hide your fear from me, Jones.” He turns away from Killian towards the rest of the group around him. “None of you can. Neverland thrives on fear. I know what all of you fear the most. The island can sense it. It tells me your deepest fears, though most of you are mortal and fear petty things like death and isolation.”

He turns on his heel and points directly at Emma. “Except you. The island senses nothing about you. I’ve given you the hardest tasks, the Echo Caves and bringing back his past love, but you, Miss Swan, are still unreadable.”

Killian wishes he were surprised. Ever since he first crawled through the doors to her hospital, he knew she was something special, something unlike anything he’s ever experienced. Fate or not, he was never surprised that he fell in love with her. He’s only surprised that he’s gotten this far without acting on it, save his words in the Caves and his confession earlier that day. Every moment since then, he has regretted what he said to her earlier, not letting her kiss him, with the doom of their current adventure hanging over them like a bad omen. Everything about her has surprised him from the very beginning, from her beauty to her powers, from their connection to the fact that she is seemingly unaffected by this bloody island. If he can make it out of this alive, he wants a future with her, with the most amazing, brilliant, and beautiful woman he has ever met. He wants a future, he allows himself to think for the first time. He wants to make it off this island, back to his ship and his home and a place where he can live a happy life with her beside him, even if it’s a life filled with war and violence. With her, anything is possible.

And that includes beating Pan. Once and for all, he senses. Somehow he knows that their battle against him will bring the end to the island, an end to the life of a timeless demon. If they can get there.

“So, what, Pan?” Emma asks, and when Killian turns to her again, she has pulled the pistol from her waist holster. “Is this where we battle you? Where we fight for a winner once and for all?”

He steps forward, right into the middle of their half-circle. “Is that what you want, Miss Swan? Or — what if I offer you a compromise?”

“No,” Emma replies, without even a moment’s hesitation.

But Killian surprises himself when he says, “Hear him out, Swan.”

“No!” She wishes she could know how David felt about all of this. Since their first meeting, she has needed his guidance, and has barely made a decision, let alone something as important as this, without talking to him about it. But when she looks at Killian, who simply shrugs, her face softens — her whole frame softens, her pistol drops.

“That’s more like it,” Pan says with a smile. “Here’s what I offer you: I’ll clear the thorns and heal the pirate and the prince, let you leave with who you’ve picked up along the way, but you must choose the two of you that stay.”

Emma’s eyes go wide, and she lifts her pistol again. “No. No way.” Away from the rest of the group, Milah and Wendy also shake their heads, not willing to make their new friends make that decision.

“Fine” Pan says, turning away from them to look at the brambles of Dreamshade sitting behind him.

Whether Pan expects it or not, this is the opening they are waiting for, and everything happens in the same moment: Emma fires a shot, just as Will throws one of the knives on his hip and Merlin raises his hands to bring smoke up around him.

Emma's bullet grazes his arm as he flicks his other hand, sending Will's knife back towards him. It lodges in Will’s shoulder, and Belle is the fastest to act, reaches out to take Will’s hand and disappears in a cloud of golden smoke. Pan turns his attention towards Emma, glares at her as he raises his hand to stem the bleeding.

Robin and Emma share a glance and fire simultaneously, serving as a distraction from Merlin, who is trying to wrangle a path through the brush. The brush reacts like a living entity, fighting against each one of the Merlin’s movements as it bends and waves towards him.

Pan poofs to another location as Killian sheathes his knife and brings his rifle to his shoulder just as Graham quickly aims his rifle and fires. He senses the demon's movements and puts himself between Pan and Killian just as Emma raises her pistol, also moving towards Killian as he fires again and Pan deflects — but it finds another target when it hits Graham in the chest and knocks him to the ground.

Merlin, successful with his tussle with the Dreamshade, rushes to Graham’s side, magic already shooting from his palms as he presses them against the injured chest, and Robin moves towards them.

Milah rushes towards the action and pulls her knife from its sheath before turning towards Pan, who is pushing Emma and Killian towards the Dreamshade with his magic. When Milah is inches from Pan he turns towards her, waves his hand in the air, and the knife disappears from her hand and reappears in Pan’s just in time for him to plunge it into her chest. “Oh, Milah,” he says, mock sadness in his voice, as she falls to the ground. Killian screams, trying to rush Pan, but he pushes back with his magic, powerful enough to knock both Killian and Emma off their feet and through the hole Merlin wrangled in the brush, right into the water beyond it.

Killian feels it acting right away, as soon as it soaks through this clothing and reaches his skin. All of the legends and the research, and even Wendy just a few minutes before, said that the healing power of the water would come from drinking it, but something else is happening here.

Something magical.

It rejuvenates him, all of the energy of a perfectly warm shower on a cold day, lighting up the dark crevices inside of him that have been broken and hidden for so long. His skin tingles with a power unlike anything he has ever experienced, and he watches, eyes wide, as the scratches, scars, and bruises that cover his arms disappear. When he feels it reach his heart, it almost knocks the wind out of him, and he lifts his shirt just in time to watch the healing powers of the water reach the gash in his side, and the magical iridescence of the poison slowly disappears before the wound closes, leaves only a scar behind. He is aware of every movement within his body: the beating of his heart, yes, but the way his blood flows through his veins and the movement of his skin as it heals around the wound on his arm and the gash in his side.

He turns his attention towards Emma, who has been watching him intently since they landed beside each other in the water. He's not ready for the tears in her eyes, her relieved, elated smile, the brightness of her eyes that has been muted since they first met, brought back to its full brilliance by watching him heal from wounds that, only hours before, had been deadly.

"Enough!" Pan yells, raising his hands in front of him, and everything around them stops — the rushing of the water, the wind through the trees, and the movement of their friends on the other side of the bushes — but Pan's magic has no effect on Emma and Killian, hands joined as they stand in the waist-deep water.

“You can do this, Swan,” he whispers, watching Pan's eyes widen in fear as he realizes that they are not affected by his magic. Something more than ever before flows through her with his touch. She wonders if it is from the water, or Killians newfound hope — or something more, something deeper than what she can imagine, older than the War and the Gale and older than the earth itself — and with the energy from Killian’s touch flowing through her she focuses all of her power into her hands, creating a bright ball of light that even Pan cannot deflect.

It hits him square in the chest and he falls to the ground, releases the rest of their friends from his power, and, mouths agape, they watch as Pan changes before their eyes, aging from the young teenage body he was in, through young adult and adult and middle-aged into a wrinkled, withered old man, who takes his last gasping breath with Wendy standing above him.

"The island dies with me," he chokes, and they barely have time to celebrate their victory before Pan's words become a reality. Everything around them starts to crumble, and Killian quickly fills his canteen with the healing waters before they begin to disappear.

"Let's get out of here," Merlin says, reaching out to take the hands of his companions. "I've never moved this many people at the same time. Emma, maybe you can help?"

"Just tell me what to do."

"Close your eyes. Picture as much about where we left the Jolly as you can, not only the ship, but the beach and the water. Do you think you can do that?"

They take their place beside Merlin, hands still clenched together, and she smiles at Killian as they join the circle. "Yeah, I can do that."

Robin lifts Graham’s corpse over his shoulder, the last to join them as the earth under their feet begins to shake, threatening an earthquake.

"Let's get out of here," Killian says, hoping that the faith he has in Emma is enough to get them back to the ship.

But after what they just experienced, anything seems possible.

TAGS: @shireness-says @cssns @kmomof4 @thisonesatellite @teamhook @darkcolinodonorgasm @cocohook38 @ultraluckycatnd @facesiousbutton82 @hollyethecurious @stahlop @tiganasummertree @angellifedeath @pepperpottss @mariakov81 @scientificapricot @kday426 @xarandomdreamx @ohmightydevviepuu @xhookswenchx @nikkiemms @carpedzem @superchocovian @resident-of-storybrooke @snowbellewells @courtorderedcake @captain-emmajones @killian-whump @officerrogers @killianjonesownsmyheart1 @captainkillianswanjones – want to be added or removed? let me know!

#the wasteland #my writing #wordsbymeganmichael #cssns #cssns 2020 #captain swan #cs au #fantasy au #cs ff

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nekokoaa · 4 years

Text

Phantom Pain- Overhaul (Chisaki Kai) x Reader (NSFW)

Summary: “Do as you wish,” he whispered and closed his eyes. You smiled slightly, not saying a word as you caressed the scar on his forehead with your thumb. You then pressed your lips on it, hands holding the sides of his face, and you pulled away to find his golden irises looking up at you in a trance. The faint light spilling through the cracked window behind you haloed around your figure, giving you the appearance of divinity that he found himself wanting to worship you. The urge to grab you soon consumed him, yet the action fell dead as there was nothing he could do except to express it by the twitch of his mutilated limbs.

In other words, thank God Shigaraki didn’t cut off his dick.

Warnings: angst, birds and the bees, dry humping, blowjobs, boobjobs, amputated Overhaul

Part of the NSFW series Euphoria

Also on AO3

AC: Always wanted to write Overhaul, this was so fun! Enjoy, loves!

Phantom Pain – sensations or pain that feels like it's coming from a body part that's no longer there.

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Phantom Pain – Chisaki Kai (Overhaul) x Reader

For how long you knew Chisaki, you have never seen such despair in his eyes—such lost. A dull shade of gold that was usually shimmering with determination and authority was now without light and harbored a sort of emptiness that looked foreign. It was like he no longer existed, but he was in fact there, no matter how much he felt like he wasn’t.

It’s been days since you heard his voice, the last of it was that strangled scream that echoed into the skies. A scream that exhibited regret, pain, and the shuddering factor that his initial plan to revive the power of the yakuza was taken away from him permanently. A scream that shook your very soul and froze you—refusing to believe that it belonged to the prideful young head you’ve known since childhood.

You wrung the wet rag above a bucket and squeezed the water held within the fabrics. The splashes resonated through the abandoned building along with the squeaky floorboards that would sound every time your feet would press into it. You sucked in your dry lips, briefly lathering it with your tongue before you let out a soft sigh and pressed the rag to Chisaki’s shoulder, watching it collect the dirt that has been accumulating. You soon dipped the rag back in the bucket and repeated your actions.

Chisaki sat still in his chair, shirtless with his golden eyes as far away as his expression. They were lowered and away from you, not on purpose but because he had no energy to lift them. Those golden irises were surrounded by bloodshot red pigments from his lack of sleep and under and around the skin was dark, nearly reaching a purplish tint to his normally cream hue. His head was also low, a striking difference from the Chisaki you knew who never lowered his head for anyone. You shivered to the fact that the Chisaki in front of you may very well be different—not humbled or submissive—but broken, perhaps, beyond repair.

You dragged the rag across his skin, cleaning his shoulders and chest. You noticed his skin was developing hives under the rag once it left. It wasn’t by your touch since Chisaki deemed long ago that only you were fit to touch him, it was instead the lingering phantom pain of losing his limbs. It still plagued his thoughts and he relived that moment ever since he had gone through it. Shigaraki hacking away at his arm, his blood splattering every time the knife came hurling down, and that taunting smile so large that it took up his face all because the fall of Overhaul was caused by his own hands. Chisaki flinched, more hives appearing around his shoulders when the rag followed down his arm until it stopped, nowhere to go as his forearm and hand were gone—nothing but a stump of his upper arm left.

Chisaki’s subtle movement made you glance at him and grimace. Hatred boiling within you as you remembered how you found Chisaki, bleeding from both his decapitated arms after you had followed the gut-wrenching scream. He already passed out from the blood loss and you broke him out of his bindings and carried him to safety before the heroes could arrive to arrest him. You had then found an abandoned building near the outskirts of the city and that’s where you and Chisaki had been staying for the past couple of days. The media had already been alerted about the young head’s escape and his face has been plastered on every screen around the city—labeling him as extremely violent and dangerous. Some part of you couldn’t help but snort at it, seeing Chisaki right now—violent and dangerous just wasn’t the words to describe him anymore. Though the police had no idea what had become of him, so you understood the panic.

“Kai,” you called his name for his attention, more to warn him about your hand that went to hold his cheek and the wet rag that pressed against his other. You wiped his cheek and the side of his face slowly. You wiped through his forehead, treading over the faint scar near his hairline. You then lined the rag with his jawline, making his head rise. It’s been so long since his eyes fell upon your face. You couldn’t help but briefly meet his gaze while you cleaned him.

Faintly, there was light in his eyes as if he had just noticed you were in front of him. You had missed the subtle change in his blank expression as you were more focused on getting him cleaned. Though Chisaki was looking at you like it was the first time he saw you in a while. Ever since he lost his limbs, he’s been dissociating, living in his head. A tactic to escape reality because his once strong mind couldn’t handle the trauma he had experience. His naturally stubborn personality couldn’t admit that he had lost—that everything he built for years was all in vain. Where had he gone wrong? He wasn’t sure because that was how confident he was in his plan. It was foolproof, so why did it turn out with these odds?

He closed his eyes. And then there was you, a woman who’s been by his side since he was a child, who had followed him to the hells of this earth and yet was still the only thing pure in this diseased filled world. You scoured the streets with him until you were both picked up by boss and together, you rose from street rats to yakuza members and earned the trust of the Shie Hassaikai. Even when Chisaki proposed his plan to restore the yakuza and eliminate quirks to you, you accepted it with a smile, agreeing that it was something that must be done to save the world. Every time he remembered your smile on that day, it urged him to work harder into making his vision a reality. That smile was hopeful, loving, and there was nothing in this world as pure as it. It wasn’t long before he asked you to rule by his side when this was over and word to word, he would always recite what had you said. I was always by your side. Such a simple response yet at the time it sent his heart racing and the sides of his mask stretched from his smile that grew behind it, golden pools that you thought weren’t capable of such softness proved you wrong. Only you were allowed to see such a look from him.

Through thick and thin, you stayed with him.

So, he knew it would take some convincing, but he didn’t want to see you fall to the same fate as him. With all he could muster, he spoke, voice heavy with rasp in every syllable sounded, pain stinging his strained throat, regardless he spoke.

“You should leave…”

“No,” immediately, you responded and even though you were surprised that Chisaki spoke, you didn’t show it in your face. Your ‘no’ felt like a reflex, like you were trying to convince yourself first before Chisaki. He began coughing right after, the sudden intake of air through his dry mouth made his throat squeeze in pain. You quickly dropped the rag in the bucket and reached for the water bottle on the floor. Chisaki took a few slow gulps, a bit of water spilling down his chin. You took a clean cloth and wiped him dry, but it did nothing to the filth that Chisaki felt under his skin.

He pulled in his cracked lips, trying to lather them with his remoistened tongue as he continued speaking. “…before the heroes come. Don’t let them take us both…”

“I’m not going anywhere. Remember,” you smiled lightly and caressed his cheek. “We’re supposed to rebuild the yakuza together.”

“It’s… it’s futile,” he cleared his throat. It did nothing to the rasp. “it’s no longer possible. The heroes… they have her—our pawn… the villains… with my drugs and I can’t do anything without… my… my…” he gritted his teeth, wanting to close his hands into fists. He felt the ghost of the action, and the stumps of his arms just shook in response. “This world can’t be cured. Everything we worked for—what I worked for…”

“is not in vain, Kai. It’s only a setback. The Shie Hassaikai will rise as it always does with you as their leader and me by your side.” It was a dream. A dream that both of you sought after for years to restore the yakuza and cure the world of the wretched quirk disease. As long as Chisaki was still alive, you believed that dream was too. But Chisaki thought differently, his face contorted into a grimace at your words like he was insulted that you still held such values after everything that had happened. You were well aware of how lost Chisaki was. The ego-filled yakuza boss you admired was crushed, shattered into pieces that if you were to pick them up would crumble into dust in your fingers. You have never seen him so fragile, so hopeless, but without his arms, his quirk—his purpose, without the very thing that was key to saving this world, how ever could he go on? You had to save him.

“Please,” Chisaki had never begged before in his life and he didn’t think he would ever start but his pride was lost along with his arms and his words flowed out of him like a water jutting out of the small crack of a dam, spurting and pausing, spurting and pausing. He was tired. “It’s… over. The Shie Hassaikai… is gone and there’s nothing left… for you to do but leave.”

“I’m not leaving.”

He growled your name, but you weren’t sure if it was because of the rasp in his voice or if he was truly losing his patience with you. His golden eyes were dull, but you could’ve sworn they hardened. And it excited you.

“I’m not leaving, and this isn’t over, Kai.”

“You’re acting like… there’s some hope.”

“I’m not acting. There is.”

“Are you blind, woman…?” His voice cracked when he raised it and he cleared the lingering gunk from his throat immediately after. He glared at you through his red-shot eyes. His hives becoming increasingly present as they appeared one after the other on his face and body. He had the urge to scratch himself, but he couldn’t, so he started visibly shaking to deal with it. It was unsightly but nevertheless, it was your Chisaki. “Do you not see what I have become? My arms! My quirk! It’s gone! The very thing I needed to save this world—to cleanse it from its filth! So, don’t you dare look at me as if there’s some hope!”

“You’re still here so of course I’ll believe there’s hope!”

“The only thing you should hope for is to leave me. There’s nothing I can offer you but a prison sentence in Tartarus.”

A brief kiss on his neck was all it took to stun him out of his rage. “What are you talking about…? You can offer me plenty, Kai. You could scream at me, insult me, hurt me, do anything to push me away but you must know that I will never leave your side. We’ve been together forever, through all the hardships… and pleasure,” your hand squeezed his thigh. “So why on earth would I choose to leave you because of this? You’re a smart man. I know that better than anyone.”

“I just don’t… want you to get hurt,” he spoke quietly, eyes lowering.

“I am already hurt. As long as you feel pain, I do too,” he gritted teeth to your words. A small grunt leaving him when you slid off your chair and onto his lap. You swiftly unbuttoned your collared shirt, leaving it open and revealing your black bra underneath it. “Let’s make each other feel better… like what we always do when we’re having a rough day,” you whispered before you pressed your lips to his ear lobe and felt the cold metal of his earrings. Your arms were perched on his shoulders and he already gasped to the small roll of your hips creating friction for the growing swell in his pants. “That’s something you can offer me… Hm, Kai…?” You wanted an answer, pulling back to gaze into his face. With his tired eyes, he searched within yours, not even sure what he was searching for but all he knew was that he was tired and maybe if there was a chance to forget about what had happened—even for a couple of minutes, he would take it.

“Do as you wish,” he whispered and closed his eyes. You smiled slightly, not saying a word as you caressed the scar on his forehead with your thumb. You then pressed your lips on it, hands holding the sides of his face, and you pulled away to find his golden irises looking up at you in a trance. The faint light spilling through the cracked window behind you haloed around your figure, giving you the appearance of divinity that he found himself wanting to worship you. The urge to grab you soon consumed him, yet the action fell dead as there was nothing he could do except to express it by the twitch of his mutilated limbs.

You pressed your lips to his cheek, a feathery touch that still had his heart fluttering ever since you first did it as children. Your lips traced his cheek, kissing through some disappearing hives, until you found the corner of his lips and he pursed them as soon as you touched it, longing to feel your soft lips against his own. But you pulled away slightly after and he sighed irritably. You brushed your fingers through his short hair to calm him, but it didn’t stop his tired glare from being directed at you.

“Patience.” You told him.

But he wasn’t having it. “Darling,” he husked, leaning forward just as you were leaning back. “Kiss me already.”

Chisaki’s patience was always thin. As a child, he had zero patience. If he didn’t get what he wanted right away, he would forcibly take it by murder. It wasn’t until after he was taken in by boss where he developed a thin layer of patience masked behind a calm, gentle persona, luring those in with kindness to get what he wanted and if he didn’t, his mask would slip, and he would become increasing irritable and dangerous with a killer’s intent. He wasn’t anywhere near that irritated right now but you saw a trace of old Chisaki that riled you up so much that you had to suppress your smirk with the bite of your lips. He wasn’t completely gone, and that relieved you.

Still, for the first time ever, Chisaki was at your mercy and if you wanted to, you could disobey him without having to worry about any precautions. But you knew what it would’ve done to a once prideful man so broken like him. This was about building Overhaul back up, not breaking him down.

You smiled at his glare, one hand caressing the side of his face while the other drew circles on his shoulder around his hives. “It’s the first time I’ll be on top. I’m a little nervous,” you told him.

“That’s not true. You did it before.”

“Kai, you know very well that you didn’t let me do anything last time I was on top,” you thought you saw a suppression of a smirk. “So, I don’t count that time. Just relax and let me love you…” you whispered your last words before sealing them with a kiss to his lips that had the both of you humming softly. He closed his eyes, angling his head slightly while you moved to slip your arms out of your shirt and it dropped to floor with a gentle thud. You were kissing Chisaki so softly, so different than your usual sexual endeavors that are fueled with pent-up stress and anger from work but it’s also because you didn’t want to hurt him as his arms were partially wrapped up and still healing.

But as the kisses grew longer, Chisaki grew hungrier. He nibbled and sucked on your bottom lip, at times his tongue would brush against it, urging you to open up for him. And when you didn’t in time, your lips were forcibly split by his intruding tongue and you succumbed to the feeling of it exploring your insides, treading over your teeth and inside cheeks and wrestling your own wet muscle. You pressed yourself closer to his body, your bra scratching his chest and your arms anchored around his neck as your nails lightly scratched his skin.

He separated from you with saliva connecting your lips together and you felt that wetness when his kisses went to your jaw and traveled to your neck. You sighed softly, and he felt you shivering against him. He wished that he could’ve held you, wrap his arms around your body, feel your delicious curves under his fingertips as you would melt against his touch. He was amazed how you weren’t turned off by him, that you still looked at him like he was the greatest man you ever saw.

“Still… even when I’m like this…?” He was uncertain, so he whispered that against your neck while he nuzzled his head into yours and you leaned your head on his, bringing a hand to stroke the side of his face.

“Yes…” you moaned at the ticklish feeling of his kisses. “You’re still my handsome man, my Overhaul.”

Even though he hated everything this universe had to offer, you were the one thing he loved. You didn’t weaken him. No. You empowered him unlike no other.

You soon found yourself gazing into gold when Chisaki lifted his head, passion oozing from his eyes that it nearly took your breath away. He couldn’t stand to be apart from you any longer. He pressed his lips against yours, resuming the aggression he had before but without his tongue.

You reached behind your back for your bra and unhooked it with a single tug and slipped the straps off your arms. Your bra fell between your bodies until you yanked it out and it fell on the ground. Chisaki was so excited to see your breasts, the perfect size and shape to his liking. He wished he could squeeze them in his hands like always, but he would have to make do with what he could do. He didn’t hesitate to abandon your lips to have your nipples between his.

“Hmn… Kai…” you arched your back and moaned against your pulled-in lips. You cupped your breast under your hand, lifting it up for Chisaki to have better access to them while he engulfed your entire nipple into his mouth, circling his tongue around it, sucking and pulling like he’s been reduced to a child wanting his mother’s milk. A growl rumbled within his chest when he swapped to your other tit and you started grinding on his lap to ease the warmth pooling at your lower belly. You felt the bulge of his pants pressing against your crotch, directly where your clit was, and you whined as you felt the sensitive nub rubbing on the cloth of your underwear.

Chisaki dragged his tongue all over your breasts and kissed your upper chest and collarbones when he left them. He glanced into your eyes and you caught sight of the darkness hiding behind those rich irises. A single look was all it took to know how much he wanted you.

You quickly hopped off of him, tugging at the button of your pants until it unleashed, and you threw your pants to the side. Chisaki eyed your body, subconsciously licking his lips as you saw them travel south from your face to your boobs, then your waist and legs. He had never felt the urge to grab you more than he did now. He wanted to destroy your underwear, carry you in the air, and fuck you gloriously under the shimmering sun rays from the window. How painful it was for it to only be a mere daydream.

“Like what you see…?” You smiled cloyingly as you stood between his legs, your fingers tugging at the stings of your underwear to tease.

“Yes, darling, you know I love it when you strip for me,” he loved the purr you gave after his words.

“You’re going to love what I do next,” you discarded your underwear shortly before dropping to your knees in front of him—in front of his bulge. You unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his black pants before you slid it off of him. His underwear was next, and his dick nearly hit your face when it bounced out and stood with all of its glory, reddened, veiny, and glistening with precum leaking from its head, and his pubic hairs were neatly trimmed as always.

He had to stop himself from cumming right on the spot from watching your voluptuous lips bounce back into shape after you had licked them. He couldn’t wait to see them wrap around his cock.

And he didn’t have to wait long. He groaned when you submerged his entire dick in your mouth, feeling the hot walls surround his girth as your lips nearly met with his pubic hairs and the head of his dick touched the back of your throat.

Your name was a breathless whisper from Chisaki, cheeks flushed, eyebrows furrowed as you began to bob your head. You loved how sonorous his moans sounded. It rattled something within, adding to the heat pool bubbling between your legs. You brought your fingers to your clit, rubbing in the same speed as you moved your head while your other hand was squeezing his inner thigh. There was something about seeing your mouth stretch to his length that had him jerking his hips into your bobs and although he couldn’t exactly move as fast as he wanted to, he marveled at the fact that he still had a bit of control.

He was writhing in his chair now, legs shaking, stumps of his arms trembling, heavy breathing with an occasional crack moan. You were driving him nuts. And just when he thought you would let up on his cock as you finally released it from the fleshy walls of your inner cheeks, you replaced it by surrounding him with your voluptuous breasts. You frantically stroke his length as it was being swallowed by the tits he wished could squeeze in his palms.

You gazed up at him with blushing cheeks and eyes so dazed that Chisaki’s heart nearly stopped at the sight of them. Your mouth returned to licking and sucking on the head of his dick, leaving him shuddering in his seat. You worked tremendously hard to pleasure him, to make him feel like he was still worth it despite what he went through, despite that he was reduced to mutilated monster. How you looked at him with eyes of pure adoration when your sight was filled with nothing but a powerless, armless man was still beyond him. Any woman would have left, but you stayed faithful to him. Truly, what did he do to deserve such a woman like you?

A shudder of your name was enough for you to give him a break, so you slowly slide your mouth and breasts off his cock, enjoying the sight of your saliva coating his length. It left a shiny hue like if the sun rays were to hit it, it would shimmer, while your breasts were wet with your own saliva and his precum.

“A little pent up, are we…?” You began to stroke his inner thigh, smiling slightly at his disheveled form. He responded with a breathless whisper.

“It’s… been a while.”

“I know,” you gave his thigh a small lick before you stood up and slid yourself onto his lap. His penis was pushed against your stomach. “Same,” and then you kissed him feverishly, arms around his neck, fingers digging into his scalp. He moaned into your mouth and thrust his tongue inside and explored around like he was on uncharted lands. And you fought diligently against his strong tongue, the faint, stale flavor of iron upon your taste buds.

“Kai,” you whined, breaking the kiss sooner than expected while grinding your needy hips on his lap. You couldn’t wait any longer. “Can I…? I need this… I need you inside…” He knew very well that you didn’t need his permission to do so, so the fact that he still had that over you renewed some of his vigor. Something shined in his golden eyes, something deadly that if you were to disobey him, you would surely regret it.

“Sit on my cock.”

You shivered, his eyes, they reminded you of the very man you fell in love with. “Yes, Overhaul…”

You hovered over him. Your hands rested on his shoulders and you aligned your sopping entrance with his dick and slowly sank down. Your mouth went wide for a silent gasp to escape as you felt his length stretched your walls. You could feel it pulsing, twitching within you and your legs began to quiver the moment he was all the way in. A shaky sigh sounded from Chisaki as he felt himself nuzzled deep within you. He wanted nothing more than to grab your hips and guide you but unfortunately, he was at your mercy.

“God…” you moaned, fingers curled into his shoulders. Still, he was delighted that he could still make you feel this way—that he could still make you tremble with his cock. You then started to move, rolling and lifting your hips to no rhythm, squeaking and moaning every time you would slam yourself down on him while you balanced on the balls of your feet to keep you steady. Your breasts would shake to your movement when you slammed down while your nipples would lightly tap his chest when you lifted slightly.

You watched as Chisaki’s face contorted into what anyone would believe was anger and they would be too distracted by that assumption to notice the softness in his rich eyes as they stared into yours, mouth open for his frantic breaths to puff out just centimeters of your own. Sweat had gathered at his forehead giving it a light sheen whenever the sunlight would peek through from behind you.

“How are you this wet… when I haven’t even touched you…?” He breathed, and puffs of his breath hit your lips just as he heard your juices swirl to his cock.

You whimpered to answer him, your eyes teared in response to the overwhelming pleasure knocking at your core.

“Come on,” he grunted and pressed his lips to your neck. He bit and sucked on your skin until it blossomed in color. “Use your words…”

“B-Because it’s you, Kai… Ahn—just your presence is enough to get me wet… it’s just enough…”

He let out a shaky sigh and briefly closed his eyes. “Naughty girl…” you didn’t have any idea how happy that made him. He leaned forward because of the sudden desire to hold you close to his body. Your arms went around his shoulders sharing that same feeling of his. Your breasts were squeezed to his pecs as you continued to roll your hips, mouth full of nothing but his name and former alias, like you were somehow hoping there was magic in his name and all would be revived by just a simple hymn from you, and you would once again feel his hands on you. You were careful not to touch what was left of his arms because he was still healing and also a gentle brush was enough to have his hives break out, a subconscious reaction to the trauma he suffered.

Thankfully, Chisaki was too focus on how your vagina swallowed his dick like you trying to milk him for all he had. He was thrusting upwards, sloppy, he was trying not to give you full control but having him use most of his ab muscles to move was exerting a lot of energy. He couldn’t go as fast as he wanted to.

“Kai… I…!” He could feel it without you telling him. The end was near. You were already holding on to him with all of your strength while your instincts kept your hips moving against his. You were slamming your body so hard on him that it had your ass jiggling, skin slapping and your nails clawing his back because somehow his dick manage to hit the right spot every fucking time. Oh, you could barely keep up your rhythm as pleasure struck like lightning and rolled through your pelvis like thunder. You rested your head on his shoulder and mapped it out with open mouthed kisses, tasting the salt of his sweat on your tongue.

Chisaki’s breathing was loud in your ear and his groans were heavy, almost angry sounding when he pressed the side of his face against your head. He felt himself reaching his peak. He shut his eyes and focused solely on the pressure building until it finally released. A strangled moan sounded from Chisaki and he jerked his hips as hard as he could as spurts of his cum spilled into your womb and you felt so full of not only his cock but his warm seed as well. And shortly after a few more thrusts, you had reached orgasm, legs quivering, and moans so loud you swore anyone from the outside would’ve heard you.

You slumped against his body as your chin rested on the crook of his neck. Your arms were still firmly holding on to him and the room was silent except for the breathing of you and Chisaki filling your lungs with much needed air. You were exhausted. You spent most of your energy taking care of Chisaki and the rest of it fucking him. Your eyelids felt heavy and you surely would’ve fell asleep if you weren’t missing that one thing. The warmth of Chisaki’s arms.

There was no doubt in your mind that you had missed the feeling. Chisaki would always surround you in his warmth by pulling you into his chest with his arms around you after sex. He couldn’t bear to separate from you after. He would pull the covers over your sweaty bodies and hold you until you fell asleep. Then he would get up and shower because going to sleep in his own filth bothered him.

But now, all he could do was just lean against you as you hugged him. You hated this. You hated everything that made Chisaki this way. You hated Shigaraki. You hated the heroes. You hated that green haired kid for fighting him. You hated everyone that harmed him when all he tried to do was save this pathetic world.

You didn’t notice at first, but you were shaking. Suddenly, the memories that were masked by desire revealed itself and you were left to think about what had happened. And really, all you felt was rage, so much rage that you wanted to either hurt yourself or any innocent victim. You wanted to ruin someone’s life just so they could feel as horrible about this world as you.

But that anger soon dissipated as you felt something poking your sides. You gasped when you noticed Chisaki desperately trying to hold you by lifting his stumps and pressing them into your sides, fighting the feeling of his hives appearing one after the other across his limbs and shoulders. In his mind, he was holding you tightly. He felt you in his arms, a faint feeling like a ghost of his movement, a phantom born from the pain of his lost limbs. But to you, all you felt was reality. And your body continued to shake but this time with sorrow. Fat tears fell down your cheeks and the first sob that came from you was the ugliest thing you’ve ever heard. You were supposed to be strong for him, but you were just as broken as him.

You couldn’t remember the last time you cried but you knew Chisaki must’ve been there as he’s been there all of your life. The kisses on your shoulder was there to soothed you yet it did nothing to the fuming rage still sitting within your heart. You pulled away from him slightly and held his head in your hands, bloodshot eyes drenched in shiny tears laced with nothing but pure wrath was staring straight into his own eyes. Your voice was shaky, yet determination shown itself proudly.

“I swear... I’ll get your arms back...”

Chisaki’s eyes widened slightly. He didn’t take the tone of your voice lightly nor your eyes that looked as if he was staring into the fiery depths of hell. “How...?”

Your mouth twisted into a shaky smile. The look in your eyes changed to something psychotic yet a glimmer of hope, relief, and the gold reflection of his eyes shined through. A simple name was all that passed through your lips like the solution was there all along. “Eri.”

#bnha #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #overhaul #overhaul x reader #chisaki kai #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai fanfiction #overhaul fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #angst #angst fanfic

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ellewords · 3 years

Note

Atsumu at parties is a sight to behold, but it’s in a sad way? He is the life of the party and can keep it going for hours, but anyone with a trained eye can see that it’s all artificial. Sometimes, while he’s egging everyone on to dance or take shots or something else kind of wild, you can see him crack just a tiny bit. Whenever it starts to become a little more obvious, he turns it up a notch and tries to pull off stupid shit that will make him the talk of the town for being such a good host/party-goer so that people are too distracted to notice that he’s slipping. But as exhausting and fake-feeling as it is for him to keep up his facade of being on top of the world on for such a long time, he doesn’t let up until he is able to leave or the very last person does. Then, he almost becomes a shell of himself—grumpier than normal, quieter, slower to respond.

If the party isn’t at his place, he always drives separately from the people he goes with because he knows he’ll spend hours after either driving around in a state of half-awareness or he’ll find a desolate area where he can just blast a playlist full of songs that help him feel emotions again. By the next day, he’s back to his normal self, and it’s like anyone that noticed was imagining it when it happened. If the party is at his place, though, he’s even worse. On top of all of the other things, he slowly becomes more (passive) aggressive as his patience wears thin, and he doesn’t even try to hide it. Because of how badly it weighs on him, Osamu and some of his close friends have made a system of keeping people away from him at all costs as he starts cleaning up the mess because the last time they didn’t, the student population (whether in hs or college) had a lot to say about him the next day and none of it was very nice. He nearly had a panic attack when he realized what had happened, and it took almost a whole week to smooth it over, but Astumu stressed about it for weeks after, making him more insecure and tense until he was finally convinced that everything was back to normal.

I don’t think he starts to actually enjoy parties and be himself at them until well after he’s out of school.

— from elle ! anon i—- the way this kind of broke my heart... i blame it on my soft spot for atsumu :<< ngl i stared at a wall for a good five minutes after reading this because despite how painful it is, i can also just imagine it. which ig makes it hurt more?? aaah idk but thank you so much for sending this in, i felt so much in the best possible way ;-; my little scenario feat. yn based on your hc will be under the cut (as usual) and i hope you are having a wonderful day <3

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you were a somewhat constant in miya atsumu’s life, having gone to the same high school as him and now managing the team he’s playing for professionally. you like to think that you’d been with him through all the highs, no matter how big or small, — through every single test that he passed, every single match that he had won, every joke he made that landed, whenever he calls you in the middle of the night just to say that he had cooked without burning down his entire apartment. but all of that just meant that you had been with him through the lows too — when a play doesn’t go as he had planned, when his sets just weren’t getting hit by his spikers, when he had accidentally broken the vase you had gotten him as a housewarming gift, when he’s at a party that his teammate had thrown.

he’s dancing on a table, drunk off the attention, people cheering him on as he moved to the beat of whatever pop song bokuto had chosen to play. but you knew better than to play into the act he was putting up. you saw the falter in his smile, the way his knees quivered, the brief moments wherein the mask falls.

you shake your head. he hasn’t changed at all, has he? you’d think after graduating high school, after a couple of years of playing volleyball professionally that he’d finally let the walls he had built up to crumble just a little.

“what’re ya doin’ ‘ere all alone?” atsumu was now by your side, nudging his shoulder with yours.

you sighed, it seems like he had chosen you to be the object of his attention for the next few minutes, “having fun.”

“standin’ in a corner? not even a drink in hand?” atsumu questioned, smirk plastered on his face.

“what?” you asked, trying to keep your tone calm and even, “doesn’t seem like you are having fun either.”

miya atsumu had long decided that he hated you. well, he didn’t hate you. he hated the way that you could read him. it shouldn’t have been a surprise, you’d known him for years now.

there’s a flash of emotion in his eyes, so quick that you couldn’t even recognize what it was. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“it means what it means, atsumu.” with a shrug of your shoulders, you turn to leave.

—

the party was winding down and atsumu was getting antsier by the minute. his stunts had been getting more and more out of control, the last one being an attempt at a backflip over the sofa. you had never been more thankful for meian’s presence until that very moment. it was then that everybody had decided to call it a night, it was half past two in the morning anyways.

atsumu spots you by the kitchen counter, attempting to help bokuto clean up the mess the party had left in his home. his steps are slower, more tentative than anything else. he’s always known you saw right through him, atsumu now wonders what made you actually speak up on it. why now of all times? in his head, you had come to a silent agreement.

“mind if i help ya with that?”

“go ahead.” you spoke, handing him a spare trash bag. for a while, the two of you work in silence, navigating around each other to pick up the various read solo cups, alcohol bottles, and bags of snacks that littered the floor and counter. it’s quiet, with most of the guests gone and bokuto cleaning up the backyard with hinata and sakusa.

“what did ya mean?” the silence is broken by atsumu, tone devoid of any kind of emotion. he sounded hollow, voice low and quiet. “earlier. i still don’t understand.”

you bit your lip, not exactly sure how to proceed. it had been something that you always wanted to confront him on. now, when the opportunity presented itself, your throat had gone dry — every single word getting stuck in the back of it.

and he’s just waiting for you to respond, matching your gaze with his own. atsumu thinks he’s being intimidating, but in reality, there’s a subtle kind of desperation to them. he holds his breath, hoping you don’t notice the quiver in his bottom lip.

but you do, just like you noticed the way his fingertips trembled. “i'm just saying, ‘tsumu, it wouldn’t hurt to be yourself. nobody’s gonna fault you for doing so.”

atsumu takes a step back, mouth parting at your words. truthfully, he didn’t know what to expect. this was the way he had been for years, he can’t go changing now, can he? atsumu’s unsure if he even knows how to. but here you were in front of him, probably just as tired as he was, finally calling him out instead of doing damage control — apologizing to people on his behalf, like you did when he had gone too far during high school. the facade had faded almost entirely.

“slowly but surely, atsumu.” you smiled, a genuine one. a smile unlike the one he forced himself to keep for the past couple of hours. “do it for yourself, you’ll breathe easier that way.”

and he just wants to ask you more, have you tell him exactly what it is he needs to do. but hinata was calling you, he was your ride home after all. but atsumu wanted more from your conversation, almost offering to be the one to drive you back to your apartment. unfortunately, you were already stepping around him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder before exiting the door with hinata.

and just like that a crack started to appear on his walls, not large enough to make them fall, but it was a start. slowly, but surely.

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a question: what are the hq characters like at a party? | written on the margins masterlist

taglist : @haikyuutothetop @crystal-lilac @tobioespresso @sushijimawakatoshi @itsmeaudrieee @pantherhappy @jesssobs @mysticstrawberryballoon @cloudedsky_29 @sakusasimpbot

join my hq taglist here. <3

#it’s the pain for me tonight 😔#gosh anon i loved this #thank you truly #written on the margins 🔖#atsumu scenarios #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #🎐 — anon! <3

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css1992 · 3 years

Note

I absolutely love all of your stories and was hoping to give you a prompt! I haven’t seen you write Tony or Peter as superheroes, but I would love a story where the team goes on a mission that goes wrong and they think Peter is dead. A few months pass, and Spider-Man pops up in a different color costume next to a big baddie (Quentin? Rumlow? Whoever it is def has a crush or Peter lmao). If you can’t write the prompt, no worries.❤️

(...)

“Thank you so much for taking my prompt omgggg! To answer your question, Spider-Man pops up as a baddie, and he works with/for another baddie”

You’re too sweet and kind, my dear, thank you so much! I’m so sorry this took so long, something happened in my personal life and I was too heartbroken for love stories for a while there hahaha Everything’s fine now. I hope you’re still out there to read this and I really hope you enjoy it! <3

[*]

This takes place a few years after Civil War. A few details were changed – Peter was recruited at 18, while attending MIT; Endgame never happened, they defeated Thanos in Titan; Tony and Pepper never got back together after their break-up somewhere between IM3 and CACW.

TW: Mentions of blood, alcoholism, grief and death. I guess that’s it, let me know if you find anything else triggering!

[*]

“It’s him.” Tony stood there paralyzed, staring at the hologram projected from Nat’s phone, heart pounding, ears ringing. “It’s him,” he repeated, running his hands through his hair, trying to get a hold of himself, trying to make sense of what was happening, of what he was seeing. It was too surreal – impossible! – he had to be hallucinating. Right? Maybe dreaming? Had he drunk himself into a stupor again? Had he finally gone mad?

It was a regular day, Tony had been down in the lab for an unknown number of hours when Friday announced Steve, Nat and Bruce were at the door, which was unusual. Usually, they’d visit one at a time, an unspoken agreement not to overwhelm the engineer, but that particular day they all marched into his house saying that he needed to see something. He was too exhausted to tell them to fuck off, so he just poured himself a drink and shrugged, gesturing towards the living room.

Nat proceeded to project a video from her StarkPhone and what he saw took away the ground from beneath his feet. He tried to sit down, but he didn’t make it to the couch, his legs were not responding, he fell on his butt in the middle of the living room. The blood felt like ice in his veins, his throat was closing up, his eyes were burning and his hands were shaking so fucking badly. He was boneless and petrified all of a sudden, as he watched him swing from building to building on his webs, a black and white blur.

Peter.

He felt Steve and Bruce on either side of him, trying to help him up, but he didn’t take his eyes off of the projection. It was him. My Peter, you’re back, you came back to me, you’re okay, you’re alive–

“Tony, it’s not him.” Steve’s voice brought him back to the real world, and he looked around. Natasha and Bruce both stared at him with worry in their eyes, like they agreed with Steve.

“What, are you fucking insane? Of course it’s him!” His voice was firm, angry, even though his hand was shaking when he pointed at the hologram, to the short video that kept replaying on a loop.

“Tony, he robbed a bank. He put civilians at risk. How could you think this is Peter? Are you insane? Don’t you know him? Look, we had to show you this because it’s going to be all over the news soon and whoever this is, they’re trying to tarnish Peter’s memory and we can’t allow it, but this – this isn’t him, Tony. I’m sorry.”

The older man stopped for a second, taking a deep breath. Was he going insane? Was he seeing things, was his mind playing tricks on him again? It wouldn’t be the first time in the last few months. He focused on the images. The bank’s alarm was sounding loudly, as people started running wildly out the front door. Seconds later, someone wearing a cape and a – helmet? Fish bowl? – on their head walked out, then finally him.

Not him, Steve said, but how could it be anyone else, when Tony could clearly see it was Peter gracefully swinging around on the webs. Not him, Steve said, but how could it not be him when Tony recognized every inch of his body? The long neck, the narrow, yet strong shoulders, thin waist, round ass, strong thighs, small feet, long hands and thin, wiry arms. How could it not be him when Tony could recognize the way he moved, the way he leaped and landed effortlessly, the grace with which he swung back and forth?

“It’s him, Steve.” Even as the words left his mouth, his eyes were fixed on the boy in the video. The suit looked a lot like the one Tony made for him, but it was slightly different. Black, instead of blue. White, instead of red. But it was him. Alive and breathing. “It’s Peter, I know it is.”

***

It was supposed to be an easy mission. Even though it called for every Avenger in town, it was just a security measure, Steve told them. They intercepted a terrorist group communicating online, planning a coordinated attack on Stark Tower, the Avengers Compound and Times Square. They were professionals, but only human. They thought they’d be enough: Captain America, Black Widow, Iron Man, Spiderman, Winter Soldier and even the Hulk as a safety net.

In a way, they were sufficient. They were able to avoid the attack and arrest almost every single one of the terrorists that weren’t killed during the mission. But the cost was high – way too fucking high.

Peter.

Tony knew what happened the exact moment when it did. He knew there was no saving him when he opened his lips and tried to call out his name and instead of words, blood came out. Thick, dark blood. He saw the life leaving his eyes when he looked at him one last time, eyelids drooping and then closing. There was no saving him, Tony knew that, and yet he tried. He flew as fast as the suit would allow him, even though he had no idea what he would have done if he had reached him in time. Which he didn’t.

Peter disappeared before his eyes, along with the man who had put a knife through his heart. And not just any knife, not any metal would have been able to pierce the suit. It had to be vibranium. Whoever that man was, he knew that, maybe he had Peter in mind all along. The only thing Tony remembered about him were his wide, blue eyes. Cold and wild. The sadistic smile when he heard Tony’s wail of despair. Tony thought he knew him somehow, but couldn’t be sure.

They just disappeared. One second, they were there, right within his reach, the next, they were gone. He’d lost him. The person he’d sworn to protect at all costs, at the cost of his own damned life, but he was useless the moment Peter needed him the most. Gone. Disappeared before his eyes, Tony couldn’t even bring his body home.

He remembered crumbling to the ground, broken and unbelieving, staring at the empty space where Peter once stood.

“Tony...” Steve crouched down next to him, looking pained and devastated, and the older man broke down.

“I lost the kid, Steve. I lost him.”

He didn’t remember a lot of that day, he’d passed out drunk in his room for the first time in ten years, woke up hours later in the med bay with Steve, Rhodey and Pepper speaking in hushed voices. He didn’t care what they were saying, because the first thought he had when he opened his eyes was that he’d lost the love of his life. His Peter.

***

“Boss, I was able to acquire the footage from the bank’s security cameras.” Friday’s voice brought him back to the present and they all jumped up, all eyes turning to the huge screen facing the couch.

“Good girl, play it,” he answered quickly, taking a seat because he knew he would need it.

It started with a normal day in a bank, people walking around, standing in line, talking to each other, nothing out of the ordinary. Then the guy they’d seen leaving the bank in the other video – Fish-bowl-guy – appeared out of nowhere, levitating above the patrons, slowly floating down.

“My fellow citizens, do not fret, I mean you no harm.” Of course, New Yorkers wouldn’t take his word for it, not after everything they had gone through over the course of the last decade. People started screaming and running, trying to get to the exit, but Peter stood there by the door. When they tried to push through him, he webbed some of them to the walls and the others froze, slowly stepping away from him. “This will all be over soon, I promise.”

Fish-bowl-guy demanded the tellers filled bags with money from their drawers as Peter guarded the exit. He didn’t say anything and it was driving Tony crazy, because he was dying to hear him. Both because he wanted Friday to run the audio through a voice recognition software to prove once and for all that it was him, but also because for six months he hadn’t been able to even look at pictures of Peter, let alone hear his voicemails or watch his silly videos. And he had several of them, the younger man sent him at least a video a day – his daily vlogs, he called them – even if they were just in different rooms.

But Peter didn’t say anything, he just stood by the door as Fish-bowl-guy talked to the patrons.

“I know we seem like the bad guys right now, but I promise you, we’re not. We’re the heroes here, really,” He started, overlooking the tellers as they filled the bags with cash. “We’re here to take the city back from those who took it from us. You know what I’m talking about, right?” The man looked at the patrons as if he was expecting an answer, but no one said a word. “Tony Stark and his little army. He took over his daddy’s empire, now he thinks he can just take anything and claim as his own. He’s done it to this city, even if some people haven’t realized it yet. We’re his hostages. He built himself an army and they control this city, the country, even! They fake threats and then come to ‘save us’, they destroy our homes, they kill our loved ones, they don’t care about collateral damage! Some of us have lost everything, because of Tony fucking Stark and his minions. But it will all be over soon, I promise you. I will set you free.”

He took the twelve bags full of money that the tellers placed on the counter and gestured for Peter to come closer and the young man webbed his way to him, until he was standing by his side. That was the moment people started running out of the bank, the moment they saw from another point of view in the other video. As they watched people leaving, Fish-bowl-guy placed an arm around Peter’s shoulders, pulling him close in a very friendly way, it made Tony’s blood boil and his heart sink.

“You’re doing great, honey. You’re doing the right thing. Come on, now.” He stroked his shoulder softly then walked outside, followed closely by Peter and then the video was over.

The room was silent for a few seconds after that as they tried to understand what they’d just seen. Tony didn’t want to read too much into it, Peter was clearly not in his right mind if he was robbing a bank, but still – the guy called him honey. He was… comforting him. And Peter let him.

“We have to find him.” Tony quickly ordered Friday to do a thorough search on the web, check surveillance cameras all over New York, police database, anything that could give them a clue on where they might have escaped to – or where they had come from. The news said they were followed by the police for a few blocks, then they simply disappeared before their eyes. It brought back terrible memories.

“Yes, we do, but not for the reasons you want, Tony.” Bruce frowned, coming to stand next to his friend. “You have to agree this – it’s just not possible. Peter is dead, he would never –“

“Then where’s his body, Bruce? Huh? Can any of you answer me that?” He looked around the room and they all avoided his gaze, as if worried they’d break him if they dared to say what they thought. “He disappeared. Right before my eyes, Bruce. Friday couldn’t connect to Karen, we have no idea what could have happened after that.”

“Tony, his heart was pierced.” It was Natasha’s turn to try. Tony could see it was hard for her too, she had a soft spot for Peter, from the very first time Tony recruited him, when he was still an eighteen year-old kid. “He couldn’t possibly –“

“He was enhanced!” He yelled, annoyed they were all so ready to discard the possibility that the person in the video could be Peter when it very clearly was. “Is! He is enhanced! I was never able to measure just how far his healing factor went, Friday could only estimate with the amount of information we had at the time, but clearly–“

“Tony, listen–“

“No, you listen! You listen to me, okay? That’s my fiance! I’m telling you this, that is the man I love, the man I sworn to protect and then abandoned for six fucking months assuming he was dead, when I didn’t even try to look for him! I just fucking drank my days away when I could be looking for him and now he needs my fucking help! So you can either help me find him, or you can fuck the fuck off, ok?” He was breathless by the time he was done, and they all looked at him like he’d gone insane for good.

“What do you suppose happened?” Steve asked quietly, and Tony frowned. “What do you think could have happened in these past few months that would turn Peter into that?” He pointed at the screen. “If he was alive this whole time, why not look for you?”

“I don’t know, Steve, we’ll have to ask him.” Truth was, Tony was terrified of the answers to those questions. He couldn’t think about it at that moment, he had to find him first. “What happened to Barnes? You of all people –“ He didn’t need to finish the sentence, couldn’t. He sighed and Steve flinched, eyes growing wide as the familiarity of the situation seemed to dawn on him. “Do you think you could’ve mistaken him for someone else? Ever?” Tony’s eyes were burning, but he didn’t shed a tear, he didn’t have time for tears. He needed to find him.

Steve was stunned silent after that, watching Tony with huge, watery eyes.

“Tony, we just don’t want you to get hurt,” Bruce intervened again, approaching him carefully. “We don’t want you to go through the pain of losing him again in case...”

“It’s doesn’t get any worse than this, Bruce,” Tony sighed, because he knew that nothing could hurt more than the thought that he’d failed Peter. That he didn’t try to look for him. That Peter had been held captive by a fucking terrorist organization for six months because he was too drunk to get out of bed and fucking try to look for him. Because he just lost hope and never thought Peter might be out there, waiting for him to come, to save him. “There’s nowhere else to go but up, from where I’m standing.”

Nobody said anything else after that, but later that day he got a message from Steve saying they would find Peter.

***

He was in the hospital for three days after Peter’s death. He was a fifty-year-old man with a shitty heart, after all. He was sedated for most of it, whenever he woke up he was so out of his mind with grief that they put him right back to sleep. When he was finally able to go home, he insisted he was left alone, but to calm Pepper and Rhodey down, he activated Friday’s babysitter protocol. It was Peter’s creation. It would let them know if Tony wasn’t eating well, or if he harmed himself in any way. If he tried to deactivate it, it would notify them immediately.

So he was left alone, at least most of the time. He spent his days in the lab, drinking, working, crying, thinking. The memories came and went unsolicited, specially when Tony was too out of it to control them. Suddenly, he’d be back in the boy’s dorm room in Boston, looking at that ridiculous onesie that he hid in a box of books under his bed, watching him stutter as he tried to explain it was just a cosplay.

“A cosplay of some dude who does stunts on Youtube?” Tony raised a brow, amused, and Peter’s face grew red as he scrunched up his nose and frowned in annoyance.

“He’s not some dude doing stunts, he – he’s helping people!” He argued, taking the “suit” back from Tony’s hands and stuffing it under his tiny bed, before sitting on top of it.

“Sure, if you consider doing back flips for the camera helping people, then Spider-boy is doing great,” Tony shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets nonchalantly, only to watch him grow even more irritated.

“Man! Spider-man! And I don’t just do back flips, I– He...” He stuttered and Tony took pity on him. His expression softened and he sat next to him on the bed, feeling the tension coming in waves from him as he muttered a quiet “fuck” under his breath.

“Peter, I know. I know. Okay?” He clasped a hand on his shoulder and the young man looked at him with huge, round eyes. Scared. Unsure. “I’ve been watching you for years. Your secret is safe with me. I’m not here to expose you.”

“Then why are you here?” He raised a brow and Tony took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts.

“I kinda picked up a fight with Captain America about signing some papers and then he met this friend who was supposed to be dead, like, eighty years ago, but is somehow alive and possibly a mass murderer? Now I need all the help I can get to fix it.” He winced and watched the boy’s face for his reaction, but he just raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

There was silence for a few seconds as Peter looked around the room, then back at Tony.

“So when do we leave?”

That was the thing about Peter. He trusted Tony blindingly, he never asked too many questions before jumping headfirst into whatever the older man proposed him. No matter how crazy, how inconsequential, how inappropriate. So he wasn’t too surprised when the boy said yes when he asked him out.

They had just arrived at the compound after Strange teleported them back from Titan, they hadn’t even showered yet, they were both covered in bruises and blood, but he looked at Peter and couldn’t help but think he could have lost him. They could have died, and he would have died without knowing the answer to the question that had been sitting at the back of his throat for months by then, which was–

“Yes,” Peter nodded, a faint blush taking over his dirty and bruised cheeks, and Tony blinked a few times.

“Don’t you want to think about that for a minute?” He asked, tilting his head to the side, and Peter frowned.

“Um, no? Why?”

“Because you’re twenty and I’m twenty-seven years your senior, kid.” It was terrifying to say that out loud. Peter was twenty. Tony was forty-seven. Twenty-seven years separated them. Tony was full grown man when Peter was swimming around in his father’s testicles.

“You just asked me out, you can’t call me kid anymore, I’m sure that’s written in some rulebook somewhere.” Even though he was still blushing, he found it in himself to be sassy and annoying. Tony rolled his eyes playfully.

“Fair enough. So, should I call you later?” He pointed over his shoulder, signaling that he was going to his quarters to shower and rest for a few hours. Peter frowned.

“For what?”

“For your answer? About that date?” Peter just looked at him like he’d asked the most stupid question ever.

“I just said yes.” He said, raising an eyebrow, and Tony sighed.

“I thought we agreed you’d think harder about it.”

“Uh, no, you just chickened out for a second there, but my answer is still yes.” He shrugged with a playful smile on his lips and Tony gawked at him.

“I didn’t chic – ugh, you’re such a brat.”

“I’m sure brat is off-limits, too.” He winked, walking away towards his quarters.

Tony worried about their relationship – as did everyone else, specially their close friends and May. Peter was so young and, to make matters worse, he sort of worked for Tony. Ever since Germany, the older man paid him a hefty salary for being a part of the team – he was always on call, after all, and always trained at the compound whenever he was in New York.

But as it turned out, his worry was unnecessary. Although young, Peter was mature beyond his years and acted more like an adult than Tony did most of the time – they sort of met in the middle. As for the power imbalance, it actually felt like Peter was in control more often than not. It was subtle, though, Tony only noticed because Rhodey pointed it out once.

“That kid’s got you wrapped around his little finger.” He laughed into his beer bottle as he watched Peter walking away. Tony blinked, having a sip of the tea the younger man had just brought him. Peter was dead set on getting him on a healthier diet and tea was somehow involved. The young man insisted it would help with his sleeping schedule, so Tony just agreed, even though he thought most teas tasted like dirty water. “If he says jump, you ask how high.” Tony was going to argue, but then stopped himself. He tried to think of the last time he’d said no to Peter, the last time he’d denied him anything, but not a single memory came to mind. “I’m not judging, it’s a good look on you. Whipped boyfriend.”

Tony noticed, then, that he was. Whipped, that is. Peter was always telling him what to do – gently, of course, and always with his best interests at heart. And he listened, because, as it soon became apparent, Peter was usually right about most things. Tony was more practical, he was in charge in the lab, what with decades of experience over him, as well as in the battlefield, for the same reason. But when it came to their personal lives, Peter called the shots. And it was fine. It was good. He felt loved and cared for like never before and he loved it. He loved Peter.

But he’d lost him.

And he couldn’t help but feeling guilty. It was his fault, had to be. He was in charge out there. He was supposed to look out for him in the field, he was supposed to keep him safe, bring him home alive and well, but he couldn’t even bring his fucking body back. He had nothing left of him but terrifying memories of cold, dead eyes and bloody lips trying to call out his name.

Days and weeks and months went by, but he barely noticed, barely left the tower anymore. He was vaguely aware of people coming and going – Pepper, to check on him from time to time; Rhodey, trying to get him out of the lab; Steve, with constant reports on what the Avengers were doing, as if he cared; Bruce, with excuses about projects he was working on; and Nat, for unclear reasons. They never asked him to suit up, though, not for anything. Not in a Tom Ford three-piece, not in Mark L. They just let him be. Which was good, it felt good to be forgotten up there in the workshop, which used to be their favorite place in the world.

Over those three years they’d been together, Tony had taken Peter everywhere – and he meant everywhere. A boy who had barely left Queens before he met Tony got to see so may different cities, so many different countries, even if just for one night sometimes, just for dinner, before they had to get back to their hectic lives.

But they always went back to their favorite place, Tony’s workshop, filled with so many memories it sometimes felt like it was haunted by their ghosts. Both of them. Because some part of Tony must have died with him and sometimes, when he got distracted, he saw them. Specially on the floor by the couch, that was too tiny for the two of them and Tony kept saying he was going to buy a bigger one, but for some reason he never did and they always ended up on the fluffy rug on the floor.

“You feel amazing,” Tony whispered as his fingers enveloped Peter’s hips, pulling him down lower, and the younger man moaned quietly and smiled as the words left Tony’s lips. He leaned forwards to kiss him as rocked his hips in a slow, lazy pace. “You are perfect, my love.”

“If you keep feeding my praise kink like that, I’m not gonna last two minutes here.” He laughed quietly against the older man’s lips, who sighed when he felt the boy’s muscles tightening around him.

“I won’t complain too much about it.” He tightened his grip on Peter’s hips when he sat back up and started moving up and down in a way he knew would drive the engineer insane. “You’re gonna kill this old man someday, I swear.”

“I really hope not, I kinda like him a little.”

And their ghosts giggled together and disappeared into thin air, like dust in the wind, and only a half-dead Tony remained with a glass of whiskey in hand, staring at the rug on the floor.

***

Friday was monitoring the press and the internet for any sign of Peter, but there was none to be found. For the first couple of days, Tony was restless, but hopeful. Peter had been missing for six months, there hadn’t been any sign of him for all of that time, so the fact that he appeared out of the blue that day meant that something had changed. He was sure he would show up again at any second.

As days went by, though, his hope started to dwindle. He grew desperate by the hour thinking that he would have to go another six months without seeing Peter, perhaps even longer – perhaps he’d never see him again. Sometimes he wondered if he was wrong, if that wasn’t even Peter in the video, if maybe he was really dead after all, but whenever he watched the video again he was sure of it. It was him.

So he couldn’t help but think that he had to be locked up somewhere. It brought back terrifying memories of those three months he spent in that cave in Afghanistan and how he never really recovered from that – he still had nightmares about it, twelve years later. Peter had been gone for six months, seventeen days, four hours and thirty-three minutes. And counting.

He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, the only thing he could think about was Peter, and the cave, and Barnes’s sessions with BARF, and Hydra’s brainwashing methods. He drove himself mad with all the possibilities of what could have happened to Peter – what might be happening right at that second as he waited for answers.

He’d been awake for almost sixty-two hours straight when it happened.

“I think you should see this, boss.” Friday’s voice interrupted the loud music and Tony frowned as he raised his eyes from his latest project – a new suit for Peter, one so sophisticated and impenetrable, not even vibranium could pierce through it. Friday wasn’t supposed to interrupt him unless the world was ending or she had news about Peter, Tony was very specific about that, so, yeah, he was a little freaked out when he heard her voice.

She showed him footage of Stark Tower’s security cameras, Tony’s heart almost stopped when he saw the boy sneaking in through a window, along with Fish-bowl-guy.

“He’s here.” He whispered to himself, unable to move for a second. His first instinct was to run to him, but he couldn’t be irresponsible, there were lots of people in the building, he couldn’t predict what could happen, so he had to take a few precautions. “Friday, where’s Pepper?”

“Miss Potts is not in the building, she’s caught in traffic a few miles away, boss.” Tony nodded to himself, taking a deep breath, then he started moving.

“Evacuate the building immediately, but don’t cause a panic, I don’t want them to know I know they’re here. Call Pepper, tell her to stay away. Where are they headed?” As he barked out orders, he watched Peter climb into the vents.

“They seem to be heading to the mainframe, boss.”

“Revoke Peter’s access to the systems,” Tony rushed to the elevator, the mainframe was situated right below his penthouse, it took up the whole floor and there was no way in or out other than the elevators and the air vents.

“Done, boss.”

Tony’s heart was beating wildly in his chest, filled with mixed feelings. He was going to see Peter for the first time in six months, after he literally rose from the dead – he’d gone to his funeral, for Christ’s sake – but it wouldn’t be a heartwarming reunion. He knew Peter wasn’t himself. Something had happened to him and he wasn’t okay, he was worried about what might happen, but the anxiety to see him again in person after so long was stronger than anything else.

He activated Mark L and when the door to the elevator opened, the room was quiet. It was huge, the light was low and blueish, there were at list seventeen rows of processors from one end of the room to the other, and Tony knew that at the very back, in a corner, there was a computer. He walked down the aisles quietly until he saw them. Peter had his back to him, but there was no mistaking the line of his shoulders, his neck, the way he stood, his quick fingers flying over the keyboard.

“Peter...” It came out as a sigh, but it was loud enough for both of them to hear and turn to him. For the first time, Fish-bowl-guy had his helmet off and Tony could see his face – the same face that took Peter away from him months earlier. “You!” He stalked towards them, but Peter webbed his feet together. Tony could easily break it, but stopped in his tracks, he didn’t want it to escalate to a fight. “What are you doing, Pete?”

“How dare you talk to him, Stark! After everything you’ve done?” Those eyes were so familiar, but he couldn’t place them. Tony frowned, taking a step closer, breaking the webs around his ankles.

“What– Pete –”

“You revoked my access?” Peter asked, exasperated and nervous when the computer announced his access was denied. That voice. That sweet, honey-like voice...

“So it is you.” Tony took yet another step closer, reaching out to him, but Peter got into a fighting stance.

“Why did you have to do that?” To Tony’s surprise, his voice trembled, like he was actually hurt by that. His heart broke in a million pieces. “You used to love me, you said–“ He shook his head, taking a deep breath. “You leave me no choice.”

“Peter, please–“ Before he could say anything else, the younger man leaped at him and almost managed to rip the faceplate off his face as he sat on his shoulders and started pulling it, but Tony was able to grab him and throw him away, but not far enough to hurt him. He stumbled a few feet and got right back up. “Pete, what are you doing, just stop!”

“No! You stop, Tony, please! How could you–“ He came at him again, and Tony flew out of the his way, but was caught by his web around his ankle. Peter swung him and threw him to the floor, but Tony quickly got up. “Please, Tony, you –“

“Don’t talk to him, Pete, he’s gonna try to manipulate you! We have to kill him, there’s no other choice!” Fish-bowl-guy was typing furiously at the keyboard, but Friday was keeping Tony updated. He was good, definitely above average, but he probably wouldn’t be able to hack into his systems. “Once we’re done, we can’t let him live, Peter.”

“What the fuck is he talking about! Kid, it’s me, it’s me, what are you doing?” Tony tried to reach Peter again, but he shot webs at him, trying to tie his arms to his torso, which was useless. The engineer knew Peter was going easy on him, he was almost as strong as Mark L and if the suit he was wearing was anything like the one Tony made for him, it had an instant kill mode. Still, he kept trying to bind him, not hurt him.

“I can’t let you release Extremis to the public! Please, I’m begging you, let me help you, we can–“ Fish-bowl-guy grabbed Peter’s arm, pulling him away and shaking him.

“Peter, stop fucking around! He’s dangerous!”

“Don’t fucking touch him!“ Tony had had it with him, he charged his repulsors and was going to aim right at his head, but for a short while, the room went dark, then when the lights came back up, only Peter was there. He had his mask off and, for a moment, Tony was free to breath. For the first time in months, he could fill his lungs up with air because his beautiful face was right there in front of him, within reach. Alive, healthy.

And staring at him with hatred.

“You’re disgusting, Tony. How could you do that to me? You groomed me, you sick fuck, I was just a boy, you molested me!” He started walking towards him and Tony blinked in shock.

“What?”

“You’re a good for nothing piece of shit, you left me for dead months ago, didn’t even come looking for me, I bet you found some younger ass to fuck, didn’t you? You old perv.” Tony took a few steps back, heart beating loudly in his ears. He’d never seen such hate in his eyes in all those years they were together.

“Pete...”

“You came after me because you couldn’t find someone your own age who would put up with your crap, right? The drinking, the nightmares, the fucking panic attacks, I was so fucking done with it! All of it!” He couldn’t believe his ears, Peter – he would never talk to him like that. Right? Or was that how he felt the whole time? “Give me access to EDITH, Tony.” He demanded and Tony frowned. EDITH was an AI that gave its users access to Stark Industries's global satellite network along with an arsenal of missiles and drones. It was only supposed to be used in case of Tony’s death, Peter knew that. “If you want to redeem yourself, you’ll do it, and I might forgive you.”

“Boss, I think you should see something,” Before Tony could answer, Friday activated the suit’s thermal imaging and Tony frowned. Peter was not standing in front of him. In fact, he was nowhere to be found and there was nobody where he stood just seconds ago. First, he panicked, thinking he had disappeared again, but it just took him five seconds to realize what was going on.

“Where is this hologram coming from, Fri?” Friday deactivated the thermal imaging and Tony was shocked by how realistic the Peter staring back at him was. So realistic that only one person in the whole world could have made it: himself.

“There are five drones projecting images in the room, sir.”

“Take them out.”

In seconds, five tiny missiles were launched from his suit and the drones fell to the floor, lifeless, and suddenly the whole room changed. It was still the same setting, but it somehow looked more real then, and of course, Peter had disappeared.

“Tony? Tony, where did you go?! What – what happened?” He heard Peter’s voice on the other end of the room and he rushed to get there.

Peter was curled up in a corner, looking scared and desperate as he looked around him in confusion. The other guy was kneeling next to him, trying to comfort him again.

“Pete, whatever he showed you, whatever you saw, it wasn’t real. He’s using BARF!” He tried to approach the young man, but his eyes were wild as he shook his head. He pushed the other guy away but kept crawling backwards, away from Tony as well.

“Stay away from me, please, don’t come any closer. I-I don’t wanna hurt you, please, Tony, please...” He was still looking around like he didn’t expect to still be there.

“Why do you always have to ruin every-fucking-thing, Stark? Why do you have to stand in the fucking way of every single thing that I do?” Fish-bowl-guy got up and started marching towards him, furious.

“I have no fucking idea who you are, you fucking weirdo.” Tony aimed his repulsors at him and the guy stopped, laughing incredulously.

“You hav – you motherfucker! You think you’re a God, don’t you? Above everything and everyone, literally wrapped in wealth and technology you’re unfit to wield. Like the holographic system I designed. A revolutionary breakthrough with limitless applications, that you turned into a self therapy machine and renamed it BARF! My life’s work, Stark, and you renamed it BARF! I told you it was a mistake, that my technology could change the world and then you fired me. You said I was… unstable. Ring any bells?”

It clicked, then. The crazy, wild eyes, the hand gestures, the insane world domination plans.

“Beck.” No wonder Tony had forgot about him, the guy was brilliant, but completely insane. He helped develop the technology behind BARF, but once he started talking about weaponizing it, Tony decided to let him go. “I didn’t steal it, it belonged to me, it was my idea, I made you head of the project because I thought you could see it through, but your ideas for what it could be used for were clearly unhealthy and a fucking threat to the world. So, yeah, not sorry for firing your ass, I was clearly right. What even is your endgame here, Beck? What do you want?”

“These days, you can be the smartest guy in the room, the most qualified, and no one cares. Unless you’re flying around with a cape or shooting lasers from your hands, no one will even listen. Well, now I’ve got a cape. And lasers. With my technology and with EDITH, I will be the greatest hero on Earth!” He spread his arms and laughed like the madman he was, and Tony frowned.

“Yeah? Where are your lasers now?” The guy looked at him like he had just realized he had nothing. Peter was curled in a corner, too confused to act, his drones lay limp on the floor, and he had no way out of the room. “Better luck next time, asshole.” Tony wanted to kill him, he did, but he controlled himself and just knocked him over the head. He fell heavily to the floor and Tony turned to Peter, who was still looking at him like the whole world had been turned upside down. “Peter, baby, c’mon, it’s me, it’s Tony,” He tried to approach him, but he shook his head violently.

“S-stand back!” He panted, eyes flicking between Tony and the guy on the floor. “What’s happening, I don’t understand, I don’t… We were… Outside and you…You killed people, how…”

“It’s fine, it’s gonna be fine, I promise, just trust me, I will take care of you, I’ll take care of everything, I –“

“Stay away from me!” Peter got up and run towards the elevator, Tony had no choice other than shoot him with the tranquilizer he used on Bruce when he hulked out at the wrong time. He rushed to catch him before he hit the ground and carefully cradled him in his arms.

Finally, in his arms. Warm and alive, solid and breathing.

“I’m so sorry, Peter. For everything. I’ll make it up to you.”

***

Tony startled awake when he heard screaming. His heart almost jumped out of his chest and he was on his feet in a matter of seconds the minute he registered it was Peter’s voice. He was distressed, possibly hurt, so he flew to his side, but was quickly pushed away by nurses and doctors that rushed into the room and Tony remembered the last 24 hours, where they were and why.

“Tony! Tony!” Peter called as he gasped for air, and that was more than enough for the older man to force his away back to him, grabbing his shaking hand.

“I’m here, baby, I’m here, are you okay?” He asked in a rush looking into his wild, scared eyes, and the kid just looked back at him for a few minutes, blinking several times, before he nodded slowly.

“Are you – are you real?” He rubbed his forehead, panting, and Dr. Cho approached him to run a few tests. Peter had been out for a whole day after the Hulk-sized dose of tranquilizer Tony shot him with, even with his fast metabolism.

“I am. Do you feel that?” He brushed his thumbs across his cheeks and Peter closed his eyes, sighing and nodding slowly. Tony took his hands and pressed them to his own face, down his scratchy cheeks that hadn’t seen a razor in weeks, and Peter smiled. “It’s me, I’m here now, it’s over.” Tony explained to him as doctor Cho checked his blood pressure and his pulse, asked him a few questions, then once she was satisfied, she nodded.

“You’re okay, Peter. You just need a lot of rest, ok? Most of your wounds from the fight have already healed, but I’m going to keep you here overnight just to be sure, then you can go right home, ok?” He nodded and she smiled. “Welcome back.”

She left the room and silence took over for a second, but they still looked at each other, as if afraid that if the looked away the other would disappear. Nat had interrogated Beck and figured out his plan. The terrorist attack was an ambush, it was his goal to kidnap Peter all along, he knew he was the only person, besides Tony, who had access to EDITH.

He made them see Peter’s death as he kidnapped him with an illusion of Tony. He was holding Peter in a warehouse in Queens and the sad thing was, he didn’t even need anything to contain him. He kept him there with illusions. Peter thought he was at Stark Tower the whole tome, living with Tony as if nothing had changed.

Well, with a few changes. Beck’s Tony was slowly going mad, called himself Superior Iron man and planned to take over humanity by spreading a virus called Extremis 3.0. When Peter refused to help him, he was turned into a hostage. Peter was “Tony’s hostage” for months before Beck “rescued him” – by keeping him in the same warehouse, with different illusions. He managed to make him believe the Avengers were in on Tony’s plan and they had to stop them. The bank robbery was necessary to weaponize the few drones he was able to build after he left Stark Industries.

“How… How are you feeling, Pete?” He braced himself for the answer, because he knew it would be nothing short of horrible and he knew that whatever happened to him was his fault. The younger man bit his lower lip, frowned, and shook his head slightly.

“Confused. Scared.” He confessed, tearing up, but he kept holding Tony’s hand tightly. “Not sure if any of this is even real. If you are real.”

Tony could see that he meant it when he looked into his eyes. He was terrified. The older man took a deep breath and sat beside him on the bed.

“Do you remember our trip to Brazil?” He placed Peter’s hand on his own face again, kissing its palm. Peter nodded with a small smile. “Remember our last night there, on the hotel suite’s balcony? We had been together for, what, two, three months at the time? Remember what I said to you?” A tear ran down his cheek when he whispered yes. “I’m gonna marry you someday, kid.” Tony whispered back, joining their foreheads.

“And I said you couldn’t call me kid when you were making marriage plans.” Peter laughed wetly between tears, leaning up to place a gentle kiss on Tony’s lips, sighing in relief. “I should have known that could have never been you…” Peter’s hand slid from Tony’s cheek, to his shoulder, down his arm, until it reached the little cuts on his hands, the rough pads of his fingers. Peter took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “How long?”

Peter didn’t have to ask the whole question, Tony heard it, and he squeezed his hand.

“Six months.” He winced when Peter’s eyes grew large as saucers.

“Fuck... Fuck! Tony – I feel so stupid… I should have known, I should have fucking –“

“Hey, hey, don’t, don’t you dare blame yourself, you hear me? He fooled us all, Pete. The reason why I didn’t come looking for you before was because... For six months, I thought you dead.” He cradled his face in his hands and Peter gasped.

“Oh, God, Tony.”

“I saw you die, Pete,” He whispered, lowering his head so Peter didn’t have to see his tears. “I saw you die before my eyes. And I – I believed it, too. I never went after you, kid. I’m so sorry, I could have saved you, but I–“ before he could finish, he felt the boy’s fingers under his chin, lifting his head, and he was met with an equally wet face staring back at him.

“I’m here, now. And so are you. We’ll get through this together, okay?”

“Pete...”

There were no more comforting words to say other than his name. The name he hadn’t dared to say for so many months. He knew they had a long way to go, he could predict the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the anxiety attacks, the absolute terror of thinking of ever losing him again. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but they were going to do it together, they would heal together and relearn how to recognize each other blindly once again. One step at a time.

#starker #canon-compliant #sorta #cssprompts

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