#how much he's valued and needed and LOVED as loki tries to hold him close only to lose him again and again

[mobius-m-mobius]

It's a pretty cool name.

Loki + the progression of saying Mobius' name for @percheduphere

[fluffyfantasticducky]

Fixing and Yearning what I Broke

☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader

☆ Synopsis: Loki made a mistake, and he knew that. And it costed him the best thing in his life. The question was, could he fix it? And... could he stop thinking about you? ...At least he knew the answer to the second question, he just hoped the first question wasn't a negative as well.

☆ Word Count: 6,321

☆ Notes: The plot as a whole doesn't revolve as much around tickles, it's mostly on flashbacks. Part 5th and probably final of this mini saga of Loki swooning over tickles and his mortal partner: here are parts one, two, three and four.

☆ Warnings: Brooding Loki, he misses his little mortal. The story as a progressive thing is quite simple with this one since I wanted to go deeper on the relationship but for that it's mostly flashbacks.

“You already did.”

You left the room, slamming the door behind you… sort of, God bless the day they made those doors with shock absorbers. And Loki just collapsed against the desk in front of him, resting his head on his crossed forearms.

“Brother, she’s right” Thor sighed and walked to Loki, placing a hand on his back, tapping it with an uncharacteristic gentleness, “I think you know that.”

“I’m not letting her expose to that life” Loki huffed, “You don’t let something so dear to you endanger itself like that.”

“Then you should tell her that” Thor suggested kindly, “But there’s a Midgardian saying that goes «You can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him» Maybe you should think about it, brother.”

With that, Thor just rubbed Loki’s back for a moment and stood up to leave.

Loki just sat there and, even though he would never admit it, he listened to his brother.

He thought and he thought about you.

He thought about the things he loved about you: your smile, the way you laughed, that adorable way your cheeks rose to your eyes, making it delightfully evident in your expressions were when you were happy. He relished the way your leg got twitchy, or your hands got fidgety when you were nervous, and how easily he could ease those nerves with just a reassuring touch. He loved your stories even when you got off trail and rambled because it just made the conversations last longer. He thanked your support and trust on him, always believing he wasn’t who the world said he was, and being there for him to prove so, no matter how hard things got, you were always there to encourage him.

And he repaid by limiting your dream, even if it was to protect you, he had been unfair to you.

In fact, that he went to talk to you that very same night. But he took almost as much time to think as he used to think what to tell you to take enough courage simply standing by your room’s door.

“Love…?”

“What do you want, Loki?” you asked dryly, glaring him through the little opening on the door.

“We need to talk, darling.”

“About what? You were very clear” you hissed.

“I… I wanted to apologize to you” he mumbled softly.

You eyed him suspiciously, but the way he looked, so honest and vulnerable melted you, you opened the door completely, allowing him to walk in. He saw you go sit in your bed as he closed the door and go sit in your desk’s chair.

“Look, darling… I… uh…” he sighed, “I didn’t vote against you going on missions because I had any desire to hold you back as a hero, or because I think you are not capable of doing great things…”

He felt a lump in his throat as he tried to find the right words to say or even manage to hold your gaze. You just had that effect on him, he never really found the right thing to say when he was around you, and he always feared that if he stared into your eyes for too long… he’d get lost in them.

“Then… why did you do that?” you asked him, “Why would you be so against me going to help, to make a difference?”

“Because the way you want to help is dangerous, even with someone designed for battle like my brother and I… Although the bigger difference between you and I is not fragility, dear. It’s our value, if anything happened to me, that would be just the course of life getting rid of another pest. But you… you’re too precious and I don’t want anything to happen to you… if you went on a mission and something happen to you… if you happened to… I would just…”

Your expression softened at his honesty, clearly, it wasn’t easy for him, but he was doing the best he could when it came to opening up to someone. And that effort deserved not only respect but to be treated with gentleness and acceptance.

“Loki… Why…?”

He walked to you so weakly that he practically stumbled his way before you and placed his hands on your waist to pull you close enough to rest his head on your shoulder.

“I don’t… wish… I couldn’t see harm come your way…” he breathed out, “I couldn’t take it. Not again… not now that you’re finally… that we…”

“Loki…”

“Darling… did I ever tell you when it all started?” Loki said, “When I realized that I was… infatuated with you?”

The second you looked at him, his body gave up, making him fall on his knees before you. Not for lust, not for submission or forgiveness, just that pure and overwhelming love. And judged by the way he was clinging to your (his former) hoodie, there must have been a lot of guilt on him.

And you followed him to the floor, resting on your knees to meet him in the eye and gently cup his face.

“You weren’t living here yet, but we got along decently well for a planet that despises m—

“Past tense” you reminded him.

“Despised me. You seemed to tolerate me above Midgard’s average, and you often chatted with me I would even dare say we were… um…”

Talking had never been so difficult, even in Asgard, where he felt the pressure to be Odin’s hopefully perfect younger son, Thor’s invisible brother who was trying to get the spotlight for a change… or even in the Sanctuary II where he literally had to talk his way out of execution he had not once felt this lump on the throat or pain in his chest.

“Friends?” you asked, gently caressing his cheek with your thumb.

“Yes.. friends… if that’s not bold enough of me to assume.”

“Not at all. Yeah, we were… we are.”

He smiled weakly, “You had been staying over for a few days to help Tony fix his armors… You… you had been overworking yourself, barely sleeping, eating even less, resting only when your project was done and you decided to finally go home… you were exhausted… and it was dark outside and raining…”

“The car crash…” you softened, “Is that what worries you so much?”

“We had been conversation less than an hour earlier, and then Stark walks in the room and tell us he’s going to see you at the hospital… It destroyed me. The idea that it could’ve been the last time I ever saw you… It stirred something within me I hadn’t felt in a while… if ever at all.”

“Loki… I was fine” you assured him. “Sure, I was sore and had to wear a collar for a few days, but that was the end of it. I was alright, Tony gave me a few days off because he’s a kind boss, but I could’ve returned on that very next morning and it would’ve been cool.”

“No, it was not, I didn’t dare to go see you…” he confessed. “I feared what I would find. I feared that the lively human that made me laugh all the time could be gone. And the mere thought was… it tore my life apart… I didn’t know it back then, but that’s when I devoted my life to you… when I realized I couldn’t live without you…”

Your eyes were as crystalized due to tears just as Loki’s, but he had opened up and was completely drained, so you guided him to sit on your bed, he felt small, weak, alone, scared and he was shivering. Probably the same way Odin found him so many years ago… Funny how things come full circle.

At least things were like that time too, despite the imperfections he was found and taken by people who loved him. This time, rather than being picked by a wounded warrior king, you cupped his face with a tenderness that he couldn’t find elsewhere.

“Loki…” you said softly, caressing his cheek, “I understand why you did what you did, it came from a loving place, and I love you for it…”

He melted against your hand, letting your thumb stroke his cheek.

“… But that doesn’t make it okay.”

“What… What do you mean?” he gasped out.

“Loki, you lied to me, you acted behind my back against something I wanted to do with my life, and you didn’t trust me enough to talk this clearly on the first place…”  you said as tears streamed down your face, “that’s not something I can forgive so easily.”

Loki’s heart tore into a million pieces, not like this. You couldn’t do this, and yet… here you were.

“Darling, please… Darling, I beg you…” he pleaded. “Please d-don’t…”

“I’m sorry” you cut him off, “I need some time to think.”

A bitter mix of overwhelming pain, fear and guilt took over him. He couldn’t be losing you, not to his own stupidity. And things only went downhill from there. From then on, you avoided talking to him or spending time with him at all. He could be thankful you didn’t flee a room upon his arrival but not even looking in his direction, let alone talking to him was just too much.

You shut yourself away in the lab a lot to avoid him. He had done his best to respect your wishes to give you space but staying away from you and that stinky lab was killing him more than he ever imagined or cared to admit. He still did his best to look after you, he bought a water bottle identical to yours and casted his magic to switch bottles to make your you were always hydrated. And he sent you snacks with his brother or whoever was gonna make a stop to the lab.

Speaking of which, the others clearly noticed that something big had happened, when things went from being sunshine and flowers to not talking to each other. But his brother aside, no one asked it him about it, which rather than making him good it just made it painfully clear how they avoided the subject.

All he heard from the others that your suit was finally complete, and it was a few final touches in the interface for your suit’s AI from being fully operational, it was even capable of passing the flight and shooting tests with flying colors. One would think you’d spend more time loafing around and relaxing, but that didn’t happen. You sulked in the lab, polishing the metal armor or fixing stuff being broken. It wounded Loki’s heart seeing how much pain he had caused you.

You had been so excited about your armor.

“You’re a jerk” you giggled.

“What? For being honest? It’s such a silly name” he grinned.

“That’s what you call it, but it’s such a great joke.”

“Now that’s something we agree on” he teased you, earning an unfairly cute pout from you.

You stomped towards your phone and looked for a video, and soon a song was blasting through the speakers. He chuckled as you began banging your head along the beat.

“Six six six, the number of the beast!” you chanted, “Damn, Loki why don’t you see how much of a banger this is?”

“I don’t know darling, I like it when my music is not just loud noise.”

“Just loud noise?!? That’s it, this means war!” you claimed as you tackled him to the ground digging your fingers against his sides.

He barked out a laugh before snatching your hands by the wrists and pulling them above your hand. You knew right then and there you were screwed, and it showed on your red face.

“War, huh?” Loki smirked, “I believe this music makes you unjustifiably violent.”

“Oh my god, you sound like such an old geezeEEEER!”

“Such insolent little dove” Loki smiled as he scribbled his fingers along your stomach, “maybe this will teach you manners.”

You just squealed and squirmed at his hands, he growled in your ear as he released your hands so he could knead both sides of your ribs.

“Lohohohoki! Plehehehease! Thahahahat’s not fair!”

“I think it’s more than fair, little love” he smiled, “you started a tickle war, and as I recall, you midgardians say «it’s all fair in love and war» don’t you?”

“Shu-ahahah- shut up!” you giggled, “Nohohot thehe po- NOT THEHEHERE! BAHAHABY PLEHEHEASE!”

Smug little god had sneaked his hands on your front pockets and began squeezing your hips.

“Oh but I really like this spot” he chuckled. “It’s like those human infant toys that you just squeeze and they make cute little noises.”

After the first snort you had covered your mouth and nose, reduced to muffled silent laughter. Adorable for sure, but that meant you’d had reached a limit. So like the gentleman he was, he stopped and allowed you to catch your breath.

You collapsed against his chest huffing and gasping your air as he caressed your forearm.

“Jerk.”

“You love me like that” he smiled.

“Yeah I do” you agreed as you reached to give him a kiss on the chin, too exhausted to reach further. “Gosh, I can’t wait to go on missions with you.”

What had he done…?

He wanted to fix his mistake, but given there had not been another reunion your suit was still bound to the installations until you got S.H.I.E.L.D.’s permission approved, which… Loki’s idea of a reunion had delayed severely… A fact that seemed to exist solely to rub salt in the wound, and making you not want to even look at him.

It wasn’t all bad if he tried to be optimistic. Now he had a lot of time to catch up with books, songs, movies and all those pieces of human media everyone insisted he had to consume if he wanted to call Midg- Earth his home.

Everyone had their own lists, Stark was obsessed with science fiction stories and bands from the 70’s, Rogers and Barnes liked media from their time but both had completely different interests, Bucky enjoyed comedies and shared Tony’s interest for science and technology so movies that circled those topics were on his lists, while the Captain liked horror movies and more artistical films, making everyone in the tower call him a movie snob, much to Loki’s amusement. Romanoff and both Maximoff twins had a thing for situational- ah, sit-coms as they called it, he could only guess liking lighthearted productions comes with the rough childhood, then again… the Vision enjoyed them too… or so he let on for the witch’s contentment. And like his brother, many of the men of the tower enjoyed mindless action movies, those one-man army plotlines that Loki described as boring and unrealistic.

Much to his dismay, he found a liking in strong stories, the instant classics you called them, those stories that could just shake him to the core, whether it was a war drama or a bunch of students reading poetry in a cave, those stories that shook even the mischievous god to his core in a way he thought no human would do ever again.

But he missed watching them with you. He yearned those movie nights on the couch, with a blanket big enough for both of you, tons of pillows, drinks and all that tasty junk food, with you and ignoring the movies because…

“Loki, you’re crushing me!” you whined as the god laid all his weight on top of you after stretching.

“I’m not crushing you, love. I’m merely letting laying all my love on you with my body” he yawned.

“You’re heavy!”

He chuckled as he clasped his hands behind his head as he let out a breath through his nose. Oh, that was the final insult. He asked for it.

“You’re too whiny, da— Ack! Dahaharling!”

The taunting stopped the second he felt your fingers scribbling over his ribs and your thumbs pressing on the back of his ribs. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the initial contact before collapsing into laughter and squirming on top of you. Although he jumped off of you to prevent actually injuring you.

And if you laughed like that at him falling off the couch. Well… his ego could take that little blow. Anything for that smile.

“Very funny” he rolled his eyes, poorly suppressing the smile on his face.

“Sohohorry, Ihihi’m sorry!”

You leaned to offer him an apologetic peck as a truce offering. He relished these kisses where he felt your laugh humming against his lips when you kissed him in the middle of a giggle fit, it felt innocent and purely joyous.

But he couldn’t let you know you had the upper hand.

You barely felt the tug on your wrist and in the blink of an eye Loki had pulled you down with him, trapping you on his lap, his legs wrapped around your waist, effectively trapping you in a bear hug as he growled in your ear.

“A-Ah… Loki… I know that sound… D-Don’t you dAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA LOHOHOHOKI!!”

“Oh darling, you should know that being my little princess doesn’t not spare your from punishment of messing with the god of mischief.” He wasn’t sure if you could hear him over your screechy laughter as he drilled his fingers on your hipbones.

“SOHOHOHORRY!”

“Oh pet, you’re only making me want to tickle you more.”

“PEHEHET?!? THAHAT’S IT!”

In a clumsy attempt to fight back you grabbed on his legs, squeezing and pinching from above his knees to all over his thighs.

Clumsy, yet very effective. Ohoho… this meant war. The movie wasn’t that good anyways.

Now sitting alone on the lounge room, he could watch the movies or read books on his own, in peace.

Despite no longer being public enemy no. 1, he was still considerably quite asocial and besides you and maybe Banner, or an occasional visit from Valkyrie, he didn’t have many other people he could in fact, call a friend.

Movie nights were the only times of day when he got to spend time with you. But you’d sit with the Wanda and Natasha braiding each other’s hair and tickle you awake whenever you dozed off during a movie they chose. If you sat with Barnes, you usually massaged his shoulders or scratch his hair. And heaven forbid sitting next to Thor because the way he’d wrap his arm around you to nap would make Loki’s blood boil.

But he got to see you, hear you, and at best touch you if you accidentally touched each other hands when reaching for popcorn.

“Are you sure you’re gonna take the project?” Wanda asked when the movie was over.

“Tony gave me greenlights already, the workload is challenging, and since the Maku 1 is done, I could use some time away from the tower.”

“But the other side of the city?” Scott asked, “I mean, I could tag along since it’s nearby Maggie’s place, I could go see Cassie, it’s a good excuse to spend all day there.”

“Yeah, we could coordinate schedules.”

Loki didn’t like where this was heading, but it was better to be sure.

“What are they all talking about?” the younger god whispered.

“Oh, the little one had been on a job hunt for a while, but Stark said it was better to finally give New York an update.”

“An update?”

“Yes, I believe they said to start a technological revolution” Thor said proudly, “the little one offered to help out. It’s a shame how heavy that is on anyone’s schedule.”

“Maybe it’d be convenient to get an apartment in the city so you don’t have to come all the way here every day” Vision commented.

“Oh but I’d miss you so much!” Wanda said hugging you tight.

“That’s not a bad idea” Tony agreed, “I’ll start looking into it right away, FRIDAY?”

“𝔸𝕝𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕪 𝕠𝕟 𝕚𝕥, 𝕤𝕚𝕣."

A wave of panic washed over the god of mischief. You couldn’t be leaving, could you? How could anyone be so eager to let you go like this? And did you actually want to leave? Had they asked you? No one had thought about what you want— oh.

Loki had to do something. It was his mistake to begin with. You couldn’t leave. So he got to work that very night. He had a very tight schedule given taking back your word in S.H.I.E.L.D. was borderline heresy, which meant the paperwork for it was seemingly endless. And that was a lot to say given how tedious the usual paperwork and reports already were, even spelling mistakes were not tolerated. Taking back on a decision meant not only convincing the council but justify why you had told them otherwise at some point.

Luckily Loki was a charmer.

The main problem was cramming the proposal on his already overflown of reports schedule with a fatal due line. Of course he had his priorities straight and the proposal had been ready in a couple of days, but that meant he had to rush everything else as well. Now he knew how you felt and why humans valued coffee so much.

He would never admit it, but he missed when you came to interrupt his reading or work, especially his work. Not the interruption on its own, but he always preferred paying attention to you, he had had an eternity without you, he wanted to relish every minute with you. Pros of dating an immortal, you’d say.

He would just be working on his reports of the latest mission on his room since he still felt more comfortable writing with quills than with pens, and he just wanted to avoid the mockery of being called old-fashioned (rightfully so, but he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction).

“Hi baby” he heard you from the door after a knock, “can I come in?”

He sighed before letting you in, barely taking his eyes from the paper as he heard you walking your way to the bed, concluding with a pfff sound as you dropped your weight on the mattress.

“I’ve told you you don’t have to knock on my door to walk in, darling” Loki reminded you, “You should feel welcome enough to  make your way around my chambers if we’re together.”

“I know but it still feels invasive just walking in uninvite— what’s that?”

He chuckled for himself, you had the attention span of a goldfish and he loved teasing you for it. He wondered how you got this far as an inventor being as scatterbrained as you were… then again, maybe that was exactly the reason.

“It’s a mission report, love” he said mockingly. “I’d figure you would be used to seeing me fill these given Fury seems to think it’s worth wasting my time on such useless paperwork after every mission.”

“Well, it’s important to leave evidence of what happened…” you said, Loki still wasn’t looking up from the document, but he could hear your legs tapping against the bed the way it did whenever you were swinging them. “It’s a paper witness.”

“I thought the point of SHIELD being a secret organization was to have no witnesses” Loki said sarcastically.

“That’s true…” you admitted, “but think about it as an insurance, in case of defamation—”

“Then we’re doing a terrible job, aren’t we, love?”

“Why do I like you again?” Loki could practically hear your eyes rolling.

“Simple science, darling.”

“What do you know about science, Mr. Sorcerer?"

“That I’m irresistible, you simply couldn’t help but falling for me.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Not that I have to, your actions speak volumes.”

He just chuckled as his quill kept running throw the paper. Loki wasn’t one to be easily teased but somehow despite always always had the last word in your flirty little banter he couldn’t help but feel flustered, most people didn’t dare to tease a God… or a prince.

But here in modern Midgard both his divinity nor his royal status meant something to humans unless he made a display of power. And even that had very little meaning for anyone living among Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

Conflicting for sure, but… how could he resist such delicious display of mischief from a beautiful mortal?

Speaking of mischief, had he not been so immerse in his thoughts he would’ve heard you when you approached his desk, resting your bum against the edge of his desk, twirling a certain object on your fingers.

“Do you collect these?” you asked.

Loki looked up to see you admiring the big blue and white, twirling it around admiring the way the blue face sparkled like a starry night. The pure fascination of your eyes captivated Loki, the way your eyes glowed reflecting the starry pattern of the feather was entrancing to the young God.

“That quill…” Loki spoke up, surprised he had to clear his throat to speak up, “it’s… uh, it’s… from Hræsvelgr.”

“That rings a bell… the Jotun that created the wind…”

“That would be correct, yes.” For a second time, he looked up to find your intense stare, looking at him with a curiosity that made him chuckle nervously. “What?”

“Is that why you keep it? Because Hra… Hres…”

“Hræsvelgr” Loki smiled.

“Because he’s like you?”

“…Yeah. When I took Odin’s place as king, I got to explore his chambers… And I found it inside a box with my name on it and a letter. Which broadly confessed that I was adopted, but that I would always be his son and how I would be a great king alongside Thor one day…”

Almost as if on cue from the heavy feeling on his chest, you straightened your posture and pointed to the quill he was holding.

“That one, it’s black” you pointed out the obvious, “it’s a raven’s feather, no?”

“From my father’s ravens in fact, it was a gift for my 924th’s birthday.” Loki nodded, as he was filled with nostalgia “Father had one a feather of each Huggin and Munnin sewed together so I could enlighten the world the way his ravens enlightened Odin. This one is my favoritEEEEEEE! LOVE!"

His face had turned beet red at the sight of your smug grin and the spinning squill on your hand. You little—

Before he could even finish the thought, you had sat on his lap with a seductive grin, not even giving him time to feel any embarrassment when you had returned to stroking the white and blue feather against his neck.

He bit his lip, fighiting the laughs that were bubbling in his chest. But he didn’t dare try snatching the quill from your hands or scrunch his shoulders to protect himself in fear of damaging his quill.

“C’mon bunny, you know you want to laugh,” you teased him, “it tickles so bad, doesn’t it?”

You devious cheeky minx. If there was one thing he adored about you was how quickly you learned practically anything, unfortunately it also meant you had learned to tease from the God of Mischief himself. Given how fond of human culture his brother was, he’d say Loki found his karma

“Dahaharling, cuhuhut it out!” Loki cackled.

“I don’t know baby, my duty as your girlfriend is to make you happy.”

“Ihihis thahahat why you’re tohohorturing mehehehEEE?!”

“So rude to say, honey, when I’m making you smile too” you said innocently.

But Loki was not listening anymore, you had run the feather behind his ear and he just lost it. It tickled too much to even make a sound. He just let out a screech and succumbed to silent shaky wheezing laughter with his head against your chest and clutching the cloth of your shirt at your sides. He couldn’t even tickle you back.

That didn’t stop the book flying across the room from its shelf to the bed, in exchange the decorative cushions of his bed flew up to the ceiling and land bouncing on the floor.

“OhoKAY!” you laughed audibly startled, “That may be a good cue to stop.”

You left the quill at the table as Loki recovered slowly, at least his laugh was audible again, tired mumbly deep chuckles still escaping his lips until he had enough energy to sit up straight, giving you the most dashing view. A God with hot pink cheeks, tearful eyes and the prettiest smile across the whole universe.

“Ihi… I dihihidn’t think there’d be someone more heartless than me… ahah… buhut congratulations love. You truly don’t know the word mercy.”

“That’s too rude for a ticklish little baby” you teased him as you cleaned another tear from his face, making Loki jump. “You’re awfully cute.”

“Ohoho! That’s it!”

“EEEEEEEEEEHEHEHAHAHAHAH! LOHOHOKI!”

The report may had been delayed, and Fury may have gone on a berating rant about punctuality and Loki not being capable of following orders (a speech he had heard countless times from instructors and captains), but the precious time he had with you made him smile through the whole tirade, almost as if a ghostly feeling was teasing behind his ear.

Now by the 5th uninterrupted hour of paperwork, all Loki could do was let his face slam on his hands. Gods, he was bound to insanity without you. He even started working on the dinning room so he could maybe be interrupted by another inhabitant of the tower… If that wasn’t being desperate he didn’t know what would.

“There you are” a familiar voice said. “I’ve looking for you.”

It’s funny, even after all these years he still couldn’t fully grow fond of the man out of time. Still too stiff. Their exchanges weren’t really hostile anymore, but always too frigidly formal.

“What did you require me for, Rogers?”

“Fury asked for a last minute reunion tonight” Steve explained simply, “There’s a situation in Stuttgart.”

The way he said it made Loki grow uncomfortable, of course it would, the setting of their first meeting hadn’t been friendly. Instinctively he was ready to make up an excuse but he remembered something you had told him.

“They’re doing in on purpose” Loki whined.

“It is an unfortunate coincidence” you had agreed, “but Steve doesn’t choose where they need us.”

“I’m gonna cause chaos the second I set foot there.”

“I thought you liked chaos” your little joke wasn’t well received, so you just sighed. “Steve is not as bad as you think, just…”

…Make a stupid joke to break the ice. He took a breath and opened his mouth.

“I swear it wasn’t me,” Loki said awkwardly, “I’ve been here the whole time.”

Steve looked at him puzzled for a second, wondering if that exchanged had actually happened. Loki wished the earth would swallow him whole.

Until he saw the smile pulling corner of the soldier’s lips.

“I would hope not” Steve responded, the amusement on his tone being unmistakable “That would mean we did a very poor job keeping an eye on you.”

The man out of time took a step forward to give Loki a gentle pat on the shoulder before continuing his walk.

“Oh, before I forget.” Rogers stopped, “Fury mentioned he had looked through your reports and he said they had been approved.

Approved? Since when did his reports needed a— oh.

“I’m glad to hear that” Loki responded, “I suppose we’re gonna have a meeting soon?”

“It’ll have to move until next week, considering the update project starts tomorrow and we’ll run some pointers.”

And with that mission reunion today… there was not gonna be any more time to… He was too late.

He just nodded and followed Cap through the halls to the meeting room, where everyone else was already arriving. Once inside his eyes briefly met yours when he walked in, before you returned to your conversation with Bucky and Vision.

How long would it be until he saw you again?

Fury arrived and the reunion started, during the whole thing he kept sneaking glances towards you, but you didn’t seem to even notice he was there. Your eyes were glued between the screen and the notepad on your lap. Loki felt a bittersweet feeling pumping through his chest, he adored see you so dedicated, but he missed you terribly, he longed to wrap his arms around you, or at least gently squeeze your knee to assure you and lighten the tension that just like now he was forming on your shoulders.

“And finally to conclude the meeting” Fury said, shifting through his files, and Loki couldn’t ignore the tingle on the back of his head, “there was a proposal approved to officially the…” Fury seemed to almost bite back a smile “Iron Maiden into the Avengers initiative. Stark if your pupil would be so kind to give us a report of the armor in question.”

All eyes were suddenly on you, whose face was bright red and eyes open like plates. The tension exuding from you was almost palpable, but thankfully Stark intervened, stretching his hand with a folder over to you. Even Loki recognized those files, it  contrasted greatly with black covered with band’s stickers notebook you always carried around, but the handwriting on the file and the notebook’s inside matched undeniably.

“Of course the report is here” Tony intervened, “No protegee of mine would be that irresponsible. Go ahead kid, take the floor.”

The meeting changed the entire vibe from then on, you spoke about the main functions LIKE HOW IT FOCUSED ON RESCUE RATHER THAN FIGHTING OR THE improved Wakandian energy shields.

“The Maku 1…”

“Weeb” Wilson teased you, making your cheeks turn red.

Loki knew you too well to know what would follow, the stuttering, the teary eyes, and difficult breathing.

“Wilson, we all appreciate your sense of humor, but we’d appreciate more a better timing” Loki said sternly. “I am deeply interested on this report.”

Tony placed a hand on your shoulder to encourage you to continue.

“The Maku 1 is also made to neutralize the enemy without any harm, the magnetic cuffs are already automatic and with nanotech I’m adapted them into more glove-like restrains so the enemy can’t free themselves as easily, and the magic proof installments are fully operational.”

For a second your eyes landed on Loki, and he could’ve sworn your respiration eased up a bit. Now the tingling feeling traveled down to his stomach, like butterflies fluttering on his stomach.

“The model is made focused on security and rescue, prioritizing the power on the boot thrusters and with some of the original inspirations compartments focused with nets and equipment for the transportation of those injured.”

“And I gave a small helping hand, enabling it to full control of the iron legion” Tony added proudly. “Those nuts and bolts could use a leader.”

Your eyes sparkled at the announcement.

“The model is finally done,” you said clearing your throat “and it has passed all security tests, so it is free to fly as soon as the order is approved.”

“When are you ready to fly?” Fury asked.

“I… what—”

“It was requested specifically that you were the exclusive pilot.” Fury clarified, “S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t want to risk any agents with a Stark-like ship.”

There was the tingle again, the director was lying.

“I— I have a project tomorrow I don’t… and I wasn’t authorized to”

“You better cancel your plans because” Tony intervened, “we’re leaving to Germany first thing in the morning.”

“Just sign the proposal and you can go pack your stuff” Fury said, surprisingly gentle for the old spy. “Congratulations, agent.”

You looked through the document and briefly looked at Loki before signing. As soon as you placed the pen on the desk everyone went to you to congratulate you, hug you or pat your back.

“We should celebrate this!” Sam cheered. “It’s a huge milestone for you, nerd.”

“As much as we’d all like that, we have to get up early tomorrow” Steve stated in a way that peaked Loki’s curiosity, was everyone lying tonight? “We can celebrate when we return from another successful mission.”

Soon everyone had left their meeting room, and Loki was ready to do the same when…

“Loki, hold on” you commanded, “we need to talk.”

The god’s body responded automatically, obedient to your voice. He turned around to face you, but you stayed on an awkward silence for a couple of minutes.

“The handwriting on the report…” you spoke up “why did you change your mind?”

“I realized my mistake, it was not my place to make such a big decision for you. Keeping you away from your dream was foolish and unfair on my behalf. I should’ve talked to you…”

“Yeah, you should’ve…”

“That’s why I went through all that paperwork to fix it.”

“You sure hate paperwork…” you smiled awkwardly.

“Anything for my love” Loki smiled as he gently reached to hold your hand.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” you interrupted, pushing him by the chest, “I’m still mad at you.”

Ohohoho, now he didn’t need to even listen to the little tingle on his mind to.

“I understand” he sighed, “What can I do for you, love?”

“Let me prove you that I can fend for myself” you demanded firmly. “I worked very hard on a detail archive of my patrolling. I’d like you to see it. See how capable I can be. Put me to a test, if you will.”

“If it makes you happy, dear,” he smirked seductively “I suppose we can arrange a last minute sparring session.”

“I like the sound of that.” You smiled back.

It had been like magic, back on his arms and with a new life of adventures ahead of you on the morning. And tonight this little sparring could be an excuse to do something that he had been yearning to do for weeks… make you squeal.

Masterpost

[themculibrary]

Hurt!Stephen Masterlist

A Perfect Body to the Grave (ao3) - HithertoUndreamtOf G, 465

Summary: Stephen gets kidnapped and buried alive by a group of other-dimensional beings.

A Strange Christmas Carol (ao3) - HithertoUndreamtOf T, 11k

Summary: A retelling of the classic A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

Stephen Strange is visited by three ghosts that teach him the value of teamwork and self-preservation, all while finding the joy in Christmas again.

each night like a white noise frequency (ao3) - Phierie tony/stephen M, 8k

Summary: Stephen is no stranger to making hard choices. He doesn’t regret his actions on Titan, but months later they weigh on his mind heavier than ever; the cracks begin to show.

Even Abraxas got Cornered (ao3) - HithertoUndreamtOf G, 3k

Summary: On a hunt to find the Talisman of Abraxas, Stephen quickly learns that he shouldn't have underestimated his enemies.

Every Scar Tells a Story (ao3) - HithertoUndreamtOf G, 699

Summary: Stephen's collection of scars over the years, some of which may not be physical.

Hold Me Still (ao3) - lantia4ever tony/stephen T, 10k

Summary: Just days away from Christmas Eve, duty calls for the newly allied Sorcerers and Avengers. As Stephen departs with Tony to tackle the threat, one wrong step later he realizes the alliance might be quite short-lived.

But one should never underestimate the force that is Tony Stark.

I missed you (ao3) - DarkKitty1208 tony/stephen G, 4k

Summary: What he pulled out was nothing close to his expectations. A single piece of cloth, likely ripped off of Stephen’s ridiculous wizard get-up, but it wasn’t just that. Blood splattered and seeped into it, a unique blend of the blue in his robes with a heavy tint of red, the smell coming out of it leaving him sick to the stomach.

i’ve always known in the end, i’d be sorry (ao3) - rainbowsponge mj/peter 14k

Summary: After the world forgot Peter Parker, one man remembered. Peter is in desperate need of anyone and Stephen Strange has no idea how to be a dad.

Light is Dark and Dark is Light (ao3) - HithertoUndreamtOf T, 3k

Summary: Stephen gets mistaken as the Sorcerer Supreme in battle and used as a lab rat.

Love Never Dies (ao3) - Blondie2000 wanda/stephen M, 4k

Summary: She places her hand on his chest. Her touch causes him to shiver. He knows he should pull away but as each second passed he found himself being drawn to her. Her words had a affect on him, made him see everything from a new perspective. He has been alone for so long the need for company suddenly consumed him.

Strange smiles and draws Wanda in for a kiss

Only When I Sleep (ao3) - Laily loki/tony/stephen G, 1k

Summary: Stephen is at the end of his wits trying to convince Loki to love him. Tony tries to help.

Puppet of Agony (ao3) - Kenobi1 T, 10k

Summary: How much does it take to break the unbreakable? Stephen Strange thought he knew pain until he met Ebony Maw. He was wrong, and suddenly death seems more forgiving than life. He knows he can’t survive the unimaginable horrors on his own, so he’s lucky he has some friends to help him out. Based off the Infinity War trailer. Warning: torture.

Siblings (ao3) - KuroPlayer tony/stephen G, 1k

Summary: Stephen was reminded of his siblings and Tony comforted him.

Survivors of the Wreck of Time (ao3) - amethyst-noir (Arbonne) tony/stephen T, 16k

Summary: Stephen had been in love with Tony Stark for so long, and through so many different timelines, that the feeling had become a fixed part of his being, something that was just there, fully intertwined with his very soul. Something that was treasured, something that gave him strength and comfort when he needed it, something he held close to his heart without even consciously being aware of it.

(Sometimes a timeline has to bend and twist to make things that are supposed to be happen.)

Unceasing (ao3) - Mcufaninmydreams tony/stephen M, 668

Summary: Stephen Strange has been held captive by Thanos for as far back as he can remember. He cannot think back very far, not when metal scrapes the insides of his bones and his arms are forever bound in mystical chains.

When The Maw finds out Dr. Strange was once a neurosurgeon, he comes up with an enjoyable new way to hurt the man.

under dust and rubble (ao3) - DarkKitty1208 tony/stephen G, 2k

Summary: It happened so quickly. One slip and they're suddenly trapped under fallen rubble, unable to escape, so close to each other that their knees are touching and their breaths are mingling with the other's; Tony's surprised they aren't dead or crushed under already. Stephen doesn't currently have his sling ring in hand, and neither of them could blast their way out as doing so will only cause the debris to fall and crush them. They are painfully aware of the fact that the only way for them to even survive this is to wait until help arrives.

Basically, they're stuck.

when we have each other, we have everything (ao3) - IronMum tony/stephen G, 61k

Summary: “Take it from the top. Tell me everything,” Stephen inquired as he took the seat opposite, hands steepled together and lightly pressed against his chin.

“Got a distress call from Peter’s suit. Tracked him down but couldn’t connect to his AI. Arrived on the scene to find exhibit A: tiny child, tangled up in the Stark Suit. Kid says he’s Peter Parker and the scans confirm it. Short Stuff just got shorter.” Or… Tony and Stephen go from snarky acquaintances to friends to idiot dads who clearly love each other whilst solving the mystery of a de-aged Peter.

[iamanartichoke]

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

[avengers-age-of-fanfics]

a second chance

pairing: thor odinson x reader

word count: 1,757

request: @clownerlyluv asked - if you write for thor, could do you a fluffy fic about the reader's and his arranged marriage? :))

warnings: thor basically ignoring reader and her feelings at first, choosing jane over reader, asgardian mead, getting drunk

summary: you and thor's arranged marriage does not work out until it does. :)

author's note: I honestly loved this idea and had a lot of fun writing it, so thank you for requesting!

You had known early on that your father and Allfather Odin did much business together, attending many of his parties and becoming well-versed in the royal life. You were not royal yourself, no, but your family was on the wealthier side of Asgard, and was well-respected. The people of Asgard knew your family name and in turn, you made it a task of yours to at least know everyone in Asgard; they were all so kind and welcoming that you could not help but be respectful in return.

Because of your time spent around the royal family, you had grown to know Allfather Odin and Allmother Frigga sons, Thor and Loki. When you three were kids, you would always cause havoc within the palace, forcing the guards to have an eye on all of you at all times. However, over time, your closeness slowly dissipated and it seemed as though you three were strangers. Oddly so, you and Loki conversed much more when you were older, compared to you and Thor.

Thor had always been arrogant and loud, while Loki was reserved and quiet – which was probably why you two talked more than the other brother. You never disliked Thor, no! If anything, you’d say you have been chasing after him since you were kids, your childhood crush developing into one that caused you to admire Thor every second of every day.

So, when word was passed onto you and Loki about Jane of Midgard, well…your heart broke. You knew Thor never belonged to you, and he most likely never saw you as a potential wife in the future, but knowing that there was another woman, a mortal at that, you knew you had a reason to cry. You had tried to fall in love, to convince your heart to fall for someone else besides the god of Thunder, but it would not budge; you loved Thor, but he did not love you.

And that was the hardest pill you had to swallow when looking at him in front of you, seeming so disinterested, disengaged, that he had an arranged marriage with you.

Did you ever see this coming? No, absolutely not. Marriage to Thor was something you wanted, or at least dreamt of, but not like this – not forced. He clearly was unhappy about his father’s decision to marry you both, and you hated seeing him like this.

You wanted nothing but the best for Thor, but this was not the way to go about it. The vows seemed fake, written by someone else for you both, and the whole occasion within itself was just…awkward. After sealing your marriage, becoming Princess of Asgard, line to the throne after Odin handed over his kingship to Thor, the party began.

Asgardian Mead was tossed around, getting almost everyone drunk except you and Loki – Thor had immediately begun drinking once formalities were over.

Sitting on some stairs before they sunk into the dining hall of the palace, Loki shifted his gaze toward you, “feeling a bit melancholy, are we, Lady Y/N?”

You huffed towards the younger brother, “I am in no mood for your riddles, Loki.”

Loki went quiet for a few seconds before he continued, “would you prefer to talk about it? About all of this?”

You picked at your beautiful dress, skin softly grazing over the design pattern as you seemed more interested in that than anything else, “he doesn’t – nor will he ever – want me as his wife. I am not enough for him.”

Loki grasped your hand from picking at your dress, “my brother is an idiot, and it may take him a while to realize what a beautiful woman he has in front of him. He just needs time to move on from Jane; be patient, Y/N.”

You wished you could smile at Loki, but it was more of a grimace as you squeezed his hand, “I just wish there was something I could do for him, for him to – to love me as a wife, like a queen.”

The younger one nodded, agreeing with you, “and in due time, he will. He just has to use that embarrassingly small brain of his.” At that, the two of you giggled like Asgardian school girls.

Throughout the night, more and more party-goers seemed to feel the effects of the mead and headed home, saying goodbye to their future King and Queen. Your friends had already left, but not without telling you that they were going to spoil their future ruler the next day – that put a smile on your face.

Thor had been loud and boisterous all night, cheering to things that made no sense and yelling gibberish. As the night settled down, you took it upon yourself to bring Thor to your now shared chambers, telling him that there would be more mead tomorrow. With that, he wasted no time slipping your arm into his and making his way down the hall with clumsy footing.

Along the way, Thor and you sort of conversed – his words were so mixed together that you could barely understand what he was saying, but from what you gathered, he was happy. He was happy to see his friends and have a great time, and he was happy to see you dressed up so beautifully, just for him.

That had made a blush form upon your cheeks.

Entering your chambers, you helped Thor undress until he was left in undergarments, comfortable enough for sleep, as you took off the many necklaces his friends had put upon his neck. Once you were finished, he grasped your hand, rubbing it gently.

Your cheeks heated up, “are you alright, Thor?” His eyes grew glossy as he nodded, “I-I am, you looked so, so beautiful tonight, Lady Y/N… the beautifullest Asgardian there, I swear – I swear to you.”

You chuckled, “well, I sure hope so; I am your wife, after all.”

Thor gasped and a shocked expression appeared, “you’re my wife? My queen? Is that why you’re dressed so pretty?”

You ran a hand over his hair as he almost purred at the feeling, “tonight was our wedding, dear. Now get some sleep, it will do you good.”

And sleep did do Thor good as the next day, he remembered nothing of what he said and continued on as if your marriage hadn’t happened.

You knew he was still angry, furious, about the fact that he could not see Jane anymore, yet you knew he asked Heimdall almost every day to see through her, if she was alright. You did not hate her, no, but you hated how much power she had over Thor. You, along with Asgard, needed the future king – but here he was, obsessed with a Midgardian.

This habit of his had continued for weeks and during that time, your therapeutic sessions spent with Loki did you good. At first, much of it was crying and being so heartbroken that Thor just could not stand the fact of being married to you. However, Loki had persuaded you to stand your ground to him, to tell Thor how much this was hurting you, how much he was hurting you.

One night, Thor had come back from his nightly visits to Heimdall to see you standing in the middle of your chambers, arms crossed and an absolute furious – yet hurt – look on your face.

The god of Thunder was speechless, “Lady Y/N, I thought…you were asleep?”

You gritted your teeth before you answered, “I haven’t been sleeping since the first night you visited Heimdall to see Jane, Thor.”

Thor tensed, “how did you-“

You dropped your hands, “I am no idiot, Thor! I am not blind to your utter distaste for this arranged marriage, nor am I blind for your disinterest in me. I know I am not who you want, Thor, I know – but I am trying to make this work! I want this to work, but you are making this so unbelievably hard with your daftness, and of course, being in love with someone else. So please, I am begging you, just please treat me like I mean something to you, like I have at least some value in your life.”

Thor stood silent, eyes dropping to the ground as took in your words. He had been, what his friends say, an absolute asshole, to you; it was unfair and he deserved everything that you said to his face and most likely, behind his back. He lifted his head, “I am…so sorry, Lady Y/N. I have been unfair to you and for that, I apologize.” You sighed in relief, “thank you. And I have to apologize, too – I cannot imagine the heartache you are experiencing with your Midgardian.”

Thor let out a breath, “Heimdall has not allowed me to see her anymore. He believes I am – was – being unfaithful to you.”

Another point to Heimdall for being the best Asgardian ever.

You nodded, “while I wish I could say otherwise, I am somewhat glad of that decision.”

Thor walked towards you, hands reaching out to hold your hands, “I know I have been unfair, and in a way, unfaithful to you, my wife, but allow me to redeem myself?” Tears welled in your eyes but you pushed them away, trying to focus on the moment taking place, “of course, Thor – and I will do better to care for my husband, Asgard’s future king.”

Thor’s hands then moved to your cheeks, thumbs softly grazing your skin before he smiled, leaning down and catching the corner of your lips. You smiled softly, feeling his lips just barely meeting yours before he pulled away, “I do not mind proving myself worthy over time of being able to taste your lips, Lady Y/N.”

You smiled at him before grasping his cheeks in your own hands, brining his lips to yours as you both sighed in happiness and relief. Thor leaned back slightly before kissing you once more, laying kiss after kiss upon your lips as you giggled against his own, “I will never grow tired of that sound, nor the taste of your lips, my queen.”

You kissed Thor before you leaned back on your own, “and I will never grow tired of your compliments, nor your show of affection, my king.”

Thor’s heart raced in excitement and joyfulness as you, a woman that he initially had treated poorly, had given him a second chance; your own smile grew as you gave Thor, a man who had initially treated you poorly, a second chance.

[thisisarcanereverie]

What it Means to be Worthy (Thor x Reader)

ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

THERE IS SMUT IN HERE 18+ YOU THIRSTY SONS OF BITCHES.

WARNINGS: unprotected sex (wrap it up pals) Do NOT read unless you are 18+. 

Also I have never written smut before so I hope it’s ok. I honestly couldn’t have written it if I hadn’t been listening to Deity by Valeree (highly recommend listening while reading the smut. It will probably make it better.) 

“Thor,” you called the God of Thunder, “Thor it’s (Y/n).”

You heard a small grunt coming from the living room as you entered through the front door. You immediately went to cover your nose from the stench that invaded your senses upon entering. 

It seemed as though the whole house smelled of rotten food, sweat, and something akin to a pigs feces. It was a smell that you never quite got used to, even after 2 years of smelling it every day. 

You quietly made your way through the house until you saw a sight you were quite used to seeing now. 

Thor on the ground, shirtless, covered in sweat and grime. His beard was filthy from vomit and dandruff and his hair greasy and matted to his head. 

There had been a time where he cared so much about his hair that he got triggered if you had tried to trim it. 

After 2 years of seeing this scene before you, it failed to surprise you. 

Now it just angered you. 

You knew you couldn’t understand the pain he was in, he lost his entire family, half his people, and Asgard. 

Sure, the people of Midgard were generous and gave your people sanctuary, a place for your people to call home once again. 

But that didn’t stop you from missing Asgard’s golden palace and it’s mountains of lush green forests. How you missed running with Thor and Loki through those forests after dark to get to the highest peak you could to watch the glittering of the gold during sunrise. 

You had been playmates with the Princes since infancy. You had trained and fought alongside them in battle, joined them in celebrations after each conquest, mourned the loss of Frigga with them. 

You went with Thor all those years ago to retrieve Loki and joined the Avengers with him. 

But now the Avengers were gone, long since disbanded before the battle of Wakanda. 

You weren’t angry at him, your anger was towards the cruel fate that had befallen your precious friends. You had cared for Loki, almost as much as Thor if not equal to. 

If you were honest, you weren’t in better shape. Your grief had taken hold of you as well. Your kind smile had turned cynical. Anyone who tried to get close to you often was met with your icy glare and scoff. 

Thor was the only one who brought out the caring person you once were. 

With a deep sigh you expertly walked around the empty booze bottles and to the grieving man before you. Thor may have gotten soft around the middle but he weighed about the same as you slumped his arms around your shoulders. Thor groaned and went pale, his eyes barely opening. 

“C’mon blondie,” you softly spoke, “let’s get you washed up.”

You half dragged the god to the bathroom, he threw up halfway there but you paid no mind. You would clean that after getting him in the shower. 

You didn’t bother stripping him before setting him in the tub. Without warning or mercy you pointed the shower hose directly at his face and turned the water to icy cold. 

Thor yelled at the icy feeling, borderline pleading, for you to turn off the water. However, over the course of 2 years the patience you had for him had worn thin and so you continued to spray until the stench subsided a little. 

Thor was fully awake and sober now, seeing your figure as clear as day tower over him in the tub with a look on your face akin to a mother scolding a misbehaving child. 

Thor felt so small and powerless under your gaze and he loathed it. 

“You could have stopped a while ago.”

“This needs to stop Thor.” 

Your hands motioned to him, Thor once admired those hands and the strength that they had. Now he just found them annoying. 

He found you annoying. 

You came by everyday and pulled him out of his stupor, clean up after him a little, and try to clean him up. You treated him like a child who couldn’t take care of himself and he loathed it so. 

“I am King of Asgard you do not get to tell me what to do.”

“What King would wallow himself in such a way.”

He bolted upright and stood in the tub, successfully towering over your frame, you had gone too far. You didn’t get to say such things to him. 

What Thor didn’t count on was the world getting fuzzy and a little dark when he stood up, so although he towered over you he was as stable as a wind chime. 

You held onto his frame to prevent him from falling flat onto his face. You felt Thor stiffen under your touch. 

You knew Thor was now sensitive and insecure in areas he never was before. 

It seemed like yesterday that he was admiring himself in one of Asgard’s golden mirrors, his long hair had looked like spun gold in Asgard’s sunlight and his figure was that befitting of a god. 

But none of that had ever mattered to you, even when Thor became full of himself to the point of him being ill tempered and arrogant, you couldn’t find it in yourself to ever give up on him. 

Not that you tried to give up on him anyways.

Loki had asked you one day why you didn’t. Why didn’t you give up on the golden prince when he clearly would never feel the same way. 

“I love him too much to be without him. Even if that means watching him parade himself around as a peacock and watch women fly to him like bees to honey.” 

Then Thor was banished and the only reason why you didn’t follow was due to Loki’s intervening. 

Then Thor met Jane Foster. 

The memory of the beautiful scientist brought back bittersweet memories. You had never seen Thor so deep in love, and that made you both sad and happy. 

Happy that he finally found someone who could keep him humble and who he loved just as much as you loved him. 

Sad that when you often caught Thor daydreaming, that it wasn’t you he was daydreaming about. 

You shook yourself out of your thoughts and sat the giant on the edge of the tub while you went to gather fresh clothes for him. 

You gathered a simple sweatshirt and pants for him to pull on once he was finished with his shower. 

As you set the clothes beside the sink you couldn’t help but feel the gnawing feeling in the deepest parts of your heart and the nagging thoughts in your head. 

You knew that Thor was hellbent on this self destructive path and you knew that there was nothing you could possibly do to prevent it. 

It was either you let Thor drown himself in his despair or you let him drown you with it as well. 

You had accepted long ago that Thor would never see you as anything more than what you had always been. 

His playmate since infancy. 

The girl who got a starry look every time he entered a room. 

You had saved up money from the jobs you had worked over the past 2 years, you finally saved up enough to get away from New Asgard. Leave its people to the hands of their self pitying King and Val. 

It wasn’t like they needed you or the other way around. 

No one would notice your absence. 

You began to pick up around Thor’s home, recycling empty liquor bottles and trashing pizza boxes and rotted food. Vacuuming the carpets and dusting here and there. 

This will be the last time you do as such. 

You needed to leave, staying here and wallowing in Thor’s despair and depression as much as your own wasn’t good for you. And you knew deep down you had been enabling him, every time you cleaned his house and washed and fed him you knew that he only got worse and that you were supporting him when you did this. 

You needed to leave for Thor’s sake as much as your own. 

You wondered how long it would take him to notice. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to tell Thor, you doubt he would even care at this point. 

The walk back to your house was only a few minutes, having moved into the house closest to his in case of emergency. 

Most of your things were packed and already in your apartment in New York waiting for you. Well things of value, the rest you had sold online, it was amazing what the internet could do. By far one of the greatest inventions on Midgard in your opinion. 

All that was left to do was, pack a few pieces of clothing and toiletries. 

And write a goodbye letter to Thor explaining where you went and why. 

You had avoided writing it, not wanting to say goodbye. Not wanting Thor to not care. 

It wasn’t like you were completely leaving Thor, Valkyrie (Val as you called her) assured you that she would make sure he didn’t starve or drink himself to an early grave. 

You trusted her to make good on her promise. 

You leaving wasn’t even your idea in the first place, Val had tried to get you to leave a year earlier, but you were too stubborn to leave then. 

You grabbed the piece of stationary and began to write. 

‘Thor, 

By the time you're sober enough to read this I’ll already be gone. I don’t predict that I’ll be back. 

Val will be making sure you don’t starve or drink yourself into an early grave in my place. 

I just can’t do this anymore Thor. 

I had loved you since we were but children running around the palace gardens, I still do. However I accepted the fact that you could never see me as anything more than your old playmate and dear friend so long ago. 

I had tried to be by your side in a supporting role no matter how much it had hurt me. 

When you became an arrogant ass I tried my hardest to explain away your tantrums. 

When you came back from banishment I listened to you swoon over Lady Jane Foster with a smile on my face even though it tore me apart. 

I had stayed with you, took care of you. It took me so long to realize that I had just been enabling you this entire time. 

I had been supporting your self destructive behavior and I refuse to play that part any longer. I need to leave, not just for me but for you. 

You need to sort through your emotions, you need to learn how to handle yourself by yourself. You need me not holding your hand when you do that. 

I need to discover for myself what it means to be worthy-’

A loud pounding at your door disrupted your train of thought as you wrote. Normally no one would bother you, not unless it had to deal with Thor. 

The floorboards creaked as you made your way to your door. The pounding had not ceased until you flew the door open to reveal Thor. 

His hair was still damp from his shower and the sweats you had picked out were already stained from the beer he held in one hand. His sky blue eye was hidden behind dark shades. 

“(Y/n),” Thor said, “I need a thing.”

“Thor right now isn’t a good time.” 

“Don’t worry Lady (Y/n) it won’t take even a second I’ll be in and out.” Thor assured, flashing you a smile that could make your legs go weak. Despite how much hurt you were in you were still no match for Thor’s charms. 

“What thing do you need?”

“Just a thing I’ll know the name of it when I see it.” 

You stepped aside as you let Thor in, hoping that he won’t notice the lack of furniture or the note left on the table. You decided to let him be while you went and finished packing whatever was in the bathroom. After that you went back to the living area where you had left the note only to see Thor sitting on the couch, his fingers clenching the paper tightly. He had taken his shades off, the deep dark circles stood out against his skin a tribute to how tired he truly was. 

He looked up and you were taken aback by the sorrow that filled his eyes. red rimmed the blue eye as fresh tears began to fall. 

“You weren’t supposed to read that yet.” 

“And when was I supposed to read it then?! When you were god knows where you will be!” His voice bellowed as tears continued to fall down his cheek. 

“Thor please don’t yell.” 

“No (Y/n)!” he cut you off, “you,” his finger pointed at you, his gaze as intense as lightning, “you don’t get to leave like this. You don’t get to leave me too.”

“Thor I don’t have a choice,” you argue, “I need to let you go. I need to find who I am without you and you need-”

“DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I NEED!” 

You could hear thunder roaring in the distance outside, lightning danced around his fingers faintly. Thor had never scared you, but right now you were close to it. 

“Thor,” you say calmly hoping somehow your calm tone will calm the God of Thunder, “I’m sorry for choosing the cowards way, I wanted to avoid this.”

“Did you truly think you would be able to avoid me for long.” The lightning had yet to cease but his eyes seemed to stop glowing ever so slightly. 

“I didn’t think you would have noticed for at least a few days.” 

“Why would you think I wouldn’t notice immediately?” He asked like it was the most incredulous question. He took a step closer to you while you took a step back. Thunder still roared outside and lightning still curled around his fingers. Thor furrowed his eyes in confusion until he finally seemed to hear the thunder storm outside and realize he had scared you. 

Thor had scared you. 

Immediately the pain in his chest worsened with the guilt that he had scared you. That he had so little control over his powers when he was so emotional. Slowly he closed his eyes and he took a deep breath in and out. He then felt his powers subside and the thunder had stopped. 

You could see his shoulders hunch forward with shame and you instictivly placed a hand over his shoulder to comfort him. Thor was quick to envelop your hand with his. Holding onto your hand for dear life. 

Your eyes then met, closer than you had ever been before. 

“What thing were you looking for?” you asked softly, “you said you came over for a thing.”

“I lied,” Thor admitted softly, “I just didn’t want to be alone.” 

The next thing you knew was the faint taste of beer and blueberries on your lips and strong, calloused hands making their way to your shoulders. 

Thor was just as good a kisser as you imagined. Lips moving expertly over your own, moving against yours so desperately. Like a man dying of thirst. 

You knew you should push him off of you, but for one second you wanted to enjoy his lips on yours. Kissing you like you had always wanted to kiss him. 

You moved your lips against his, relishing every moment. Because you knew you wouldn’t be able to kiss him again. 

Only when Thor's hands traveled to your waist did you break away. Albeit, you couldn’t push him further than just enough to give you some breathing space. 

“Thor,’ you said, “you’re drunk you don’t want this.” 

‘When will you stop telling me what I want and don’t want.” His lips moved from your lips to the corner of your mouth and slowly made their way to your neck. 

“Thor I do not want this if your reasoning is impaired.”

“I appreciate the thought dear one, but I only had half a beer tonight.” 

Asgardians could handle their booze well, especially Thor. For Thor to be the least bit intoxicated he would have had to drink 3 large bottles of Asgardian booze. However, when it came to Midgard it took 4 large barrows of Midgardian beer for it to have the same effect on him. Thor mostly drank it for the taste.

“Unless you would rather I stop.” Thor said, before his hands had removed themselves from your waist you stopped them. 

With every ounce of passion in you, you grabbed a handful of his long hair and pressed your lips to his. 

It was a mess of passionate and needy kisses and moans. Thor’s battle-worn hands had roamed over your body in a desperate need to feel you. 

He was quick to rid you of your shirt, hands feeling every inch of naked skin as he could. Holding you like you were the only thing keeping him grounded to the earth. 

You moaned as his hands found your breasts, his large hands covering them over your bra. Your hands made quick work with your bra, removing the suffocating fabric before lifting Thor’s shirt. 

you felt him stiffen as you rid him of his shirt. 

He wasn’t as muscular as he had been 2 years ago, however it took more than 2 years to completely diminish what his body had been. Although his stomach had softened as well as his arms. You didn’t care in the slightest, loving Thor in every shape he came in. 

Your hands lovingly brushed over his torso as you began to leave open mouthed kisses down his neck, over his chest, it wasn’t until you were at the waistband on his sweatpants did he bring you back up and kissed you with fiery passion. 

Thor laid you in front of the fireplace that you forgot you lit a while ago. Honestly a little surprised that the fire was still going. 

You didn’t have much time to think about that as you felt Thor’s lips travel  from your neck and over your breasts. Your nails scratched the floor beneath you as you felt him at the waistband of your jeans. 

You felt Thor pause and you looked at him. 

“Are you sure dear one?” 

Your heart melted at the new nickname, as you nodded to him. However that wasn’t enough for the blonde adonis as he traveled up your body and littered your neck in open mouth kisses. 

“I need to hear you say you want this dear one.” 

“Please Thor,” you pleaded as he ground his hips into yours slowly, your hips meeting his as his pace slows even more successfully driving you insane. 

“I need you Thor.”

“What do you need dear one?”

“I need you to finish what we started.” 

With that Thor slammed his lips on yours as he rid you of your pants, underwear included. He leaned back and his eyes drank in your figure illuminated by the fire light. You were breathtaking, any one would buckle at the sight of you. 

Pride swelled in Thor’s heart as this view was reserved for him only. 

Just as you were about to say something you felt Thor’s beard tickle the inside of your thigh and without warning Thor dived in. 

Your hands immediately flew to his hair and grabbed fists full of it, anything to tether you to reality. 

As Thor worked his magic on your bundle of nerves your moans filled the empty house. Thor moaned as your grip on his hair tightened which sent waves of pleasure throughout your body. Thor lifted your legs over his shoulders and gripped your thighs firmly as his tongue worked faster. 

Just as you were about to reach your blissful release you felt him pull away. Your arousal practically dripped from his lips onto his beard. 

He rid himself of the last piece of clothing before capturing your lips once again. Unlike the kisses from before, this was gentle and sweet. You could taste yourself on his lips as he tenderly kissed you. 

You slowly ran your hands over his chest, committing him to memory. 

Thor pulled away from your lips as he entered you. 

Your mouth let out a silent scream of pleasure as Thor let out a shaky breath of pleasure. Thor waited for a few seconds, relishing in the feeling of you around him before finally moving his hips against yours. 

Thor was soft and slow in his thrusts, making sure to worship every part of you. His lips were everywhere, from your face to your breasts. 

You met in time with his thrusts. The only sound in the room being your shaky breaths, moans of pleasure, and skin on skin. And it sounded like a chorus to you. 

Thor’s thrusts became erratic and unyielding, the knot in your stomach was on the verge of bursting when Thor whispered in your ear. 

“Let go dear one, I’ll catch you.”

With that the knot had become undone, leaving your body shaking from the overwhelming pleasure. 

Thor had not been too far behind you before he too reached his climax. 

Thor laid down beside you, still coming down from his high. You laid your head on his chest and he instinctively wrapped his arms around you. 

This was everything you had ever wanted, to lay beside Thor with his arm beside you. Well almost everything. 

As Thor began to play with the ends of your head as you replayed the past two years in your head. 

“I think you may have been right.” Thor broke the silence, you lifted your head off his chest to see his gaze distant as he stared at the ceiling. 

“When have I ever been anything otherwise.”

Thor’s chest rumbled in laughter as unshed tears began to fill his eyes. He refused to cry, not now. 

“I agree that you need to leave dear one.” Thor’s voice cracked, “I have become a pitiful king to my people, but I have been an even worse friend to you.” his eyes left their place on the ceiling and rested on your face. “You have been faithfully by my side ever since either of us could remember. You had defended me when I didn’t deserve it and loved me when no one did. Not even myself.” His calloused hand caressed your cheek, thumb brushing the tears that had escaped your eyes away. “you don’t deserve to drown in my despair with me. You deserve a life of adventure and you deserve the time to figure out who you are.” You pressed your forehead to his as tears leaked out. “I need to let you go.”

---

Thor had spent the night committing every touch and every scent to memory. He had no idea when his feelings for you grew to such lengths but he knew now that he had figured it out much too late. 

He wasn’t the man you deserved by your side. 

Thor waved you off at the airport and watched as the metal contraption took you away from his side for the first time since his banishment all those years ago. 

He hoped that if you returned he would be a man worthy of you again. 

Thor only wished he knew where to start.

[smallestchances]

The Fourth Horseman (Thor x Reader)

synopsis:  thor has done everything in his power to be seen as an actual powerhouse and threat to the mobs of new york, but the council of the horsemen are in the way. knowing they could lose everything they’ve built, mor goes to the people she knows can make things happen, and strikes a deal with the apocalypse wives.

word count: 4.9k

a/n: Welcome to the first installment of the Apocalypse wives!! Buckle up for a ride and send in asks when you’re ready for more :)

warnings: cursing, slight smut, mentions of abuse & murder

MASTERLIST /// WIVES!MASTERLIST

--------------------------

 You were a lot of things to a lot of people. Some people knew you as a determined spitfire who was fierce, protective, and not afraid to get her hands dirty for the people she loved. They knew you were an amazing friend.

Others knew you were an even worse enemy.

They knew you as an unforgiving bitch who painted her nails with the blood of those who wronged her. You were an unbothered, spoiled witch who wouldn't know humility if it was beneath your red-bottomed heel.

Thor knew that you were all of those things on a good day.

You sat with him now, in the middle of SHIELD. It served as the hottest and the most dangerous club in the state, and therefore your meeting place. Thor's hand is fit snugly around your waist, the sheer panel of your body suit allowing you to feel a semblance of his touch.

He's happy at the moment--genuinely happy and it's something you haven't seen in a long time. You can only look at him fondly, the low light of the club highlighting his jaw and the laugh lines that appear. His eyes twinkle as he talks with Loki, their relationship finally repaired after the trickster was fatally wounded trying to save your husband’s life.

Though you're still skeptical of the mischief maker, you have yet  to remember the last time you saw Thor this happy. Knowing this is the only reason you've allowed Loki to build his way back into your lives, you let him know that you have a dagger with his name on it should his loyalties change again.

As they talk, your eyes can’t help but linger to the exclusive third floor of the club — the circular balconies that complement the hollow interior of the building. The people up there sneer at those below, and you feel your jaw tick. Escorts, wannabes, and the closest inner circles of the underground world are found up there, and you knew that's where Thor belonged.

Three years. Three years, you and Thor had to fight and claw your way to get anywhere in the mafia world, and still you weren't at the top. Thor has already gained throes of power, influence, and support. 

You just had to take him further. 

"He won't be a problem."

Thor's words snap you back to the brothers' conversation, realizing the tone has taken a turn.

"You've only experienced Odin's grace," Loki replies. "He knows how to keep the appearance of kindness. Don't forget that I know his wrath more than anyone else.”

Thor swallows heavily at the reminder of his father's sins. "Loki—“

"No need for pity brother,” Loki interrupts, a genuine smile creeping on his face. "Despite my past, I've finally found a way to win against certain demons. I've gained you, a home, a psychotic sister-in-law—”

You wink at him.

"I'm in a better place than before," Loki concludes. "However, Father sees you taking me in as a personal slight. That, coupled with your growing success—“

"We've become his targets,” Thor finishes.

Those simple words cause the bass of the club music to become white noise. Blinking rapidly, you sit up quickly, leaning forward into Thor's space. "Your father now has you both on a hit list?” The disgust can’t help but drip from your voice. Loki only nods. Your eyes fall to the floor, tracing the patterned tiles as you process the information. "What does Frigga know about this?”

Thor makes a noise at the back of his throat. "Mother was the one who warned us."

You nod, chewing on your lip. "So we take him down first.”

Both men clear their throat sharply, Loki looking around cautiously. “Odin is the oldest living patriarch of the New York’s...companies. He has the support of the Horsemen— taking him down will not be simple."

"Nor should we announce it so blatantly my love," Thor shifts, pulling you onto his lap effortlessly, and his arms never leaving your sides.

"Your coward of a father wants to assassinate his sons because of the power they've gained,” is all you can grit out. “Something has to be done—”

“If we move too quickly, then we risk losing everything,” Loki interrupts. “Odin will declare us as enemies, and per his requests, he'll have the arsenal of Conquest, the men of Famine, and the tactics of Pestilence at his fingertips. Right now, we don't stand a chance.”

You bite the inside of your cheek harder, going through what you know of the Horsemen and their capabilities. You yourself have had little interaction with the infamous mobster, once before you married Thor and once to get Loki out of his clutches of abuse. He’s well known for being the first Horseman to retire instead of die, but his seat of War hasn’t been empty for long.

Frigga, his wife, was the one you knew well and respected. You knew her as a woman who did the best in every circumstance she found herself in, and fell in love with a man who changed too much before she realized what happened. Frigga had one of the largest hearts you knew, and you were certain she was the only reason the Asgardians were still standing as a viable threat.

"Without the council, we can defeat him," Thor mumbles.

Loki answers with a sarcastic laugh, downing the last shot on the table. "Turning the Council on a veteran member is impossible; especially since we don't have an insight into their ranks.” He gestures to the third floor of SHIELD. "We either lay low and build an army...or surrender while we still can."

You scoff at the two suggestions, rolling your eyes only to balk at the fact that Thor has yet to answer. "You can't seriously be considering this,"  you spit at him. At the answering silence, you slide off his lap to the far end of the couch. If we build an army, we’ll be  forced to outsource outside of New York— and that means making the horseman an even bigger enemy for after the war. Don't even get me started on what these potential ‘allies’ will want.”

"And surrendering is not an option,” is all Thor mumbles, his jaw ticking as he rubs his palms together nervously. "Do we strike a deal?”

You stand abruptly, avoiding Thor’s sorrowful stare as you barely announce that  you’re going to grab more drinks. You don’t want to hear another word of their conversation, but their words echo through your head as you descend the stairs to the first floor. Pushing past bodies, your mind barely registers that you pick up the pace when the bar is within eye-distance.

After ordering your drink of choice, you scrub a hand over your face in an attempt to clear all the thoughts in your head. You have half a mind to try to take out Odin yourself and with your bare hands, but you know everything Loki said was right.

Thor was so close to the finish line. He’d tried so hard to establish his reign separate from his father’s, trying to do better for the people and the misfits that found their way to him. Odin had started to spit on the values of being a Horseman, even towards the end of his reign. He allowed his community to fall and even hung Frigga out to deal with his coming consequences, and Thor got tired of it when it got too close to the people he loved.

Just thinking about the night everything came to a head, and how far you all have come, your eyes unconsciously float to the third floor.

There.

There, you find a glimpse of the very men Thor & Loki spoke about. Tony Stark, Conquest; Steve Rogers, Famine; & Bucky Barnes, Pestilence.To the left of them, you find another group that everyone else in the club seems to have looked over.

Stunning under the multicolored lights, their skin tones are radiant as their tailor made attire fit their body types marvelously. They seem to be keeping to themselves, talking to each other in low tones, while holding themselves differently than the escorts around them.

The Wives.

You take a thoughtful sip of your drink as a glimpse of a thought passes through your brain...and you lie in wait to prove your theory. You don’t have to wait long as a commotion brings your attention back to the Horsemen, and you find Conquest and Pestilence unusually close to each other, tempers flaring.

Pestilence gets shoved back by Famine, and just as things comes to a head, faster than lightning, the Wives are there. Sekhmet Stark’s arms have wrapped around Conquest, Hecate Barnes has the attention of Pestilence solely on her, and Kali Rogers has found Famine’s lips on hers.

And that’s the moment that you knew the solution to your problem--well Thor’s problem. You’re almost vibrating in joy as you down the rest of your drink before going back up to the stairs.

Its surprisingly easy to get up to the third floor--just until you make it to the glass doors that separate the landing from the exclusive section.

Straight ahead, on a raised dias, you see that the Wives have returned to their place, with Sekhmet in the center, Kali to her left, and Cate to her right.

Taking a deep breath, you hold your head high and push the glass doors aside--just to be stopped by a bouncer.

“No walk-ins. Exclusive VIP only.”

You simply raise an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Exclusive Personnel only,” he repeats.

You flash him a wicked smile and tilt your head to the side, trying to give him as much of a condescending look as you can muster. Satisfaction fills you as the bouncer deflates just slightly. You try your luck as you step forward again, but stopped again. 

“Who are you,” he asks, but the waver in his voice gives him away.

You see your window, and cross your arms while pursing your lips. “I’m going to pretend you didn't ask that and let you go this time around.”

He doesn’t move. “I cant let you in.”

“Really? Fine,” you shrug. “Explain to the Wives why you’re keeping them waiting.”

When the bouncer looks back at the women you mentioned, you know he’s exactly where you want him. “I’m going to have to loop back to you--”

You snap your name impatiently, and he mumbles it back with a nod before walking away. You wait with baited breath, knowing that with this stunt you could either end up with a bullet in your skull or the world at your feet.

Your throat tightens when you catch Sekhmet’s gaze.

When the bouncer makes his way back to you, he looks pale and motions with his head for you to follow him. “I’m so sorry (Y/N),” he says. “Right this way.”

You don’t allow yourself to breathe, even as you walk the short path to where you want to be. You feel curious eyes on you, but you don’t shy away from either of them, and instead hold your head higher as if you’re meant to be there--because you were.

Sekhmet stands when you both reach the Wives, a sharp, gleeful smile on her face as she opens her arms up in expectation. “Darling! Hello, so nice to see you again!” 

The pleasantries continue with all the wives until you’ve sat in the middle of them,  and you know it’s the most dangerous place to be.

When the bouncer walks away, the smiles drop. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Is what Sekhmet demands, her eyes focused solely on you. 

You don’t put down your guard, but you cooly reach for one of the full glasses of drinks on the table before all of you. You take your time taking a sip. “I’m someone who knows who you all are,” you say when you’re ready. 

Hecate simply hums in unamusement. “Are we supposed to be impressed?”

“As if the wives of the most powerful men in new york are a secret,” Kali giggles.

You don’t let their words phase you. You hum back in response. “See I know that you’re the very people who keep New York from burning to the ground.”

A surprised silence follow your statement, before Sekhmet picks up the next words quickly and carefully. “I don’t think I know what you mean,” she smiles. 

You roll your eyes. “Mind you, this is coming from someone who understands just what you hold within your palms.”

The next silence stands longer. Hecate leans in, her hands gripping the couch beneath, her eyes intense as they pour into you. “How do you know you’re right?”

You let a small smile slip, and take another sip before gesturing down to where you can see your husband and Loki still speaking intensely. “Thor. I love him to death,  I really do, and there’s not a heart out there that I wouldn’t rip out for him. He has power, a lot of it, and he's starting to develop quite a hold on New York.”

Kali nods. “Thor Odinson. I’ve heard of him.” She tilts her head to the side, looking out into space. “That New Jersey border deal was ingenious, I’m disappointed a Horseman didn’t execute it.”

Her words get grunts of agreement, and pride swells in your chest, 

“You & I both know that Thor didn’t have a hand in that deal until he showed up the day he needed to,” you giggled, and they stare at you openly. 

“Well shit,” Sekhmet laughs out loud, picking up her own glass.

Before you know it, you’re toasting with the most powerful women in New York, laughing with them and even exchanging high fives.

“I told  y’all a man couldn’t pull that off!” Sekhmet cackles. 

Hecate nods. “It was too good to be true.” 

“We didn’t know he had a wife,” Kali winks. 

Smiling with them, the anxiety in your chest lessens. 

“So what do you need?”

Sekhmet’s words bring back the somber mood, and you laugh nervously.  “What do you mean?

Kali speaks up seamlessly. “Thor is the eldest son of Odin. Odin, the retired horseman of War, who controls the upper parts of New York as the Asgardians. If Thor’s wife has enough pussy to show up uninvited to confront us, you can’t expect us to believe you don't want anything.”

Looking at them all, you decide to lay all your cards out on the table. “Odin is going after Thor.”

No one replies, so you continue.

“Loki & Thor have made amends and their father now sees them as a threat to his empire. He’s going to call on the Horsemen to wage War…” you trail off, cursing internally as they exchange looks. “But by the look on your faces I’m guessing he already has.”

Kali only nods.  “He approached them with a meeting this morning. The old dick had the audacity to pull rank and get me thrown out of the room when I spoke against him.” She takes a deep gulp of her drink, her jaw clenching at the memory.

The hope that allowed you to strut your way into the third floor comes back tenfold. “So you aren’t on his side?”  

“Fuck no,`” Hecate snorts.  “I’ve unfortunately seen every side of that man when he and Brock were on the council together and…” she trails off, her eyes distant. “New York has never seen a darker time. How Frigga stays with him, I’ll never understand.” 

“Even with all the power as she has, he won’t let her leave,” you mumble. The conversation comes at a standstill, but a tense once that allows all of you to look in upon your own relationships--and just how bad it could get. Clearing your throat, you go in. “Don’t support him.”

No one answers you, but you see curiosity glint within the eyes of the Wives.

“Talk to the Horsemen,” you continue, sliding to the edge of your seat. “I know you have more sway than I ever could if I talked to them. Don’t allow them to back Odin, let him hang to dry and I’ll take care of the rest with Thor & Loki.”

Kali is the one who answers you. “Unfortunately, they’re not allowed to just sit this one out. If The Horsemen stand aside when something as big as this happens we’ll look like we’re going soft.”

 “And I swear to you,” you promise lowly. “That any retaliation you face will be borne by Thor & I. On the blood of my heart, I will do anything for you if you step back for this and let us take him down.”

Your heart has crawled into your throat, pulsing so strongly you don’t know if you can breathe. They haven’t said no outright, and you could practically taste the possibilities, taste exactly what you & your husband can achieve--

“On your heart?” Hecate repeats.

You nod sternly. “On my heart.”

Hecate and Kali merely look at Sekhmet. She gives you a thoughtful look, and blinks slowly, tipping her head down slightly. “Seems we have a lot to talk about. Will you give us some space?”

The last question is directed at you, and you can’t help but nod vehemently and stand up. “Of course,” you breathe, walking away.

You bite your lip hard enough to force yourself not to look back.

------------------------------

Sekhi’s eyes roll into the back of her head as she leans back heavily onto the bathroom mirror. Gripping the edge of the counter tightly, a strangled moan rips out of her throat as her husband’s lips wrapped around her clit, sucking at just the right pressure.  Wetness drips down the junction of her thighs, and still Tony takes it all in stride, moaning vulgarly at her sounds. He lets up only slightly to grab Sekhi’s hand to shove it into his hair, and it gives her enough space to remember that she had another objective when she got him alone.

“We--” She moans when his lips reattach and tug his face away from her core. He lets her breath, only to lap at her cum on her inner thighs. “We have to drop Odin,” She finally breathes out.

He only sighs, pausing to give her a quick peck on the skin he was worshipping. “That is not the name I want on your lips right now.” 

“We cant—Tony!--we can’t endorse him for his war.”

With a heavy sigh, he reluctantly gets up and places both his hands on either side of his wife. He leans in and she automatically reciprocates, lips meeting to exchange tastes. When they finally pull away, Tony speaks. “Since you won’t let it go...why the sudden interest in Odin, and betraying him.”

His words unconsciously allow a memory to flash behind Sekhi’s eyes, and she shakes it away just as quickly as it’s come. “You don't…” She tries to find the words before restarting. “I know he welcomed you into the Horsemen and helped you build your empire...but that man who sat in as War is not the same man today. He’s  an ass, too much of a risk, volatile—”

Tony shrugs. “People say the same about me.”

“Tony, you can’t imagine the things he’s done,” is all she snaps back.  “Since he’s retired he’s—”

Her lips run dry as the memory scratches again. Warm palms cup her chin and bring her gaze to meet warm brown eyes flooded with concern. “He’s what? Baby, has he done something?”

Even though his words are soft, you hear the threat behind it. The underlying danger that follows Conquest. Sekhi reaches up and holds his hands in hers, kissing his palm softly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Tell me—”

“Tony.”

After a moment he backs down and nods solemnly. He drops his hands back to their previous position on the counter. “Okay. Say we don’t back him. You know we have to choose a side in this or we’ll look vulnerable.”

“So choose Thor’s.”

Tony stills in thought before stepping closer to his wife. “I’m listening.”

——-

“If we back Thor, Odin doesn’t stand a chance.”

Steve turns over Kali’s words in his head, rubbing her calf that’s been thrown over his lap. He ignores the bustle of the club around him, the quiet corner they’ve found the perfect setting for their conversation.

“He’d be decimated without too much of a fight,” he mumbles.

“Exactly.” Kali leans closer into him, lacing his fingers with hers at her ankles. “We support Thor, and gain his loyalty now...I’ve heard things. Things stirring in the air about him and how powerful he’s becoming. We show that he’s not a threat, that he's on our side—”

“And he immediately isn’t a threat any more. He becomes an ally.”

“Bingo,” Kali smiles brightly. “And, he’s just reconciled with Loki, meaning he’s got one of the biggest minds in the game on his team.”

Steve nods, turning his head to look her in the eyes. “So what you’re saying is we take him into one of our sectors.”

Kali shakes her head. “I’m saying more than that my love.”

——-

Bucky downs his shot before scrubbing a rough hand down his face. “You’re suggesting he becomes a Horseman.”

Hecate nods. 

Bucky can only sigh while pointing his eyes to heaven. “Doll—”

His wife only groans, wrapping her arms around his waist so that he can’t help but absorb him into her. “You’ve never said no to me before, don’t you dare start now.”

Bucky laughs nervously. “I’m not. But think about it, if we turn against Odin, we’re deliberately breaking the laws that say he’s under our constant protection after he’s left the table. If we break them now, there’s no turning back.”

“You won’t be breaking it! You’ll be bending it.” Hecate shines an innocent smile at him, trying to press her nose into his as their foreheads lie together. “The title is merely passing down onto his son--as it should have, had Odin kept his actions honourable. Thor’ll have the loyalty of  Asgard, Frigga, and the men he has now. No one will fault you.”

Bucky doesn’t answer.

 “Bucky!”

He groans. “I get it doll, I do. I’m as fond of that man as you are, but we’d have to have hard evidence that he’s broken our bylaws before we do. And even if we did, swearing in a new horseman is not a decision only I get to make…” Bucky trails off, sighing with a short laugh. “By the look on your face I’m guessing the girls are already on it.”

“Maybe.” Hecate gives her husband a quick peck on his lips, once, twice, until he melts into her. “Just tell me you’re on my side. You’re with me, aren’t you Buck?”

“Yea doll...I’m with you.”

---------------------

When the bouncer comes down to meet you on the second floor, it takes everything in you to prevent yourself from smiling. You just know. 

As he escorts the three of you onto the third floor of SHIELD, you feel the men beside you tense even as you relax. When the bouncer called you by name, Thor’s eyes haven’t left you. 

“My love,” his deep timber resonates deep within you, caution in his voice. “What’ve you done.”

You meet his gaze levelly. “What needed to be done.”

Your husband doesn’t answer you before staring straight ahead again, the hallways you all turn becoming less and less populated until you find yourself within black marble halls.

“You work quickly,” Loki chuckles lowly in your ear.

“Enough to keep the title of psychotic sister in law?”

He smirks at you. “Seems so.”

The bouncer stops abruptly in front of a heavily bolted door, and after typing in a code it swings open. You lead the way in, but then hang back to grasp onto Thor’s forearm. He allows you to, but he’s tense and you bristle at the fact that he doesn’t respond immediately to your touch.

But the way he angles himself between you and the most powerful mobsters in the room, with the way his fingers flex towards his gun--you know he’s not directly angry at you. 

Sekhmet, Kali and Hecate sit on the opposite side of the room, in a similar set up to the one you infiltrated merely half an hour before. Their faces are nonchalant, but when Sekhemet winks at you, no words can describe the relief and the pure joy that passes through you.

Tony, Steve, & Bucky stand between you and the Wives, and you know you all will fit perfectly.

“Make yourselves comfortable,” Tony says cordially, gesturing towards the couches in front of them. Bucky goes off to the side to pour a drink, and Thor’s eyes trail him carefully. “How do you feel about hypotheticals?” 

Loki takes it upon himself to sit first, and you follow, tugging your husband along. Only when you’re both sitting does he reply. 

“I find them fun to indulge in…” He trails off, grasping the glass that Bucky hands him, not even bothering to take a sip before he sets it down.

“Then indulge with us.” Bucky smiles, and within a blink of an eye everyone has guns pulled out on you. 

The tension in the room is palpable, and Thor stands defensively in front of both you and Loki. The latter presses a small knife into your hand, before standing beside his brother. 

“Let’s say you come in here,” Steve smiles, shrugging casually, his grip on his weapon firm. “As an invited guest of the Horsemen. You have the audacity to not drink the wonderful poison Pestilence has poured for you, so things have to get a little messier than intended.”

Tony is the one who continues. “We’re feeling creative, so we shoot you in the kneecaps, to make you helpless. We shoot your wife between the eyes to make it quick. Your brother, however, we make it slow. “ Thor’s whole body clenches tightly. “We get all the information out of him, about your home base, your arsenal, your men--”

“And then we kill him,” Bucky takes it up. “We let you go. You’re no threat, your empire belongs to us, and the most important people in your life are dead.”

“What would you do about it?” Steve finishes.

Thor stays quiet for a really long time. No one takes their eyes off of him, and he takes his time to look Tony, Steve, and Bucky straight in the eye. You wait with baited breath on just exactly he might do, ready to  fight your way out if needed--if he wanted you to.

It’s when he presses his chest directly against the barrel of Tony’s gun that your breath hitches, and you scoot slightly towards him. 

“I’d leave, and thank you for sparing my life,” Thor answers. “A year down the road, I’d have enough physical therapy to start walking again, with a cane most likely. I’d make it a nice one, lightweight but made of vibranium to give it leverage, with the names of who I lost engraved on the stem. Two years down the road, I have all of your whereabouts, your routines, your dealings, your accounts, all under the sole of my shoe.

“Year three, I let you know I’m co ming. But I make it slow. I take out the men around you, so you know I’m on my way, and when I finally get to you?” Thor steps closer, but Tony keeps his gun steady. “I incapacitate you with the head of my cane, just in the right spots of your kneecaps to make it irreversible. I shoot your girls in between the eyes to make it quick, and I kill Rhodey, Sam & Natasha slowly. For them to give me information I already know. When I’m done with them, I kill you all myself, but make sure to watch the life leave your eyes as your blood pools around my feet. The last bullet I’ll leave for myself.”

The standstill is unbearable. Thor’s confessions hang heavily within the air, and it doesn’t dissipate when Tony puts his gun away, the others following suit. 

“Gosh, you’re morbid,” he chuckles. “And three years? Seems a little tedious.”

Everyone goes back to casual stances around the room, but Thor stays clenched in the same spot. Loki looks at him warily, and you notice the way the others see that he hasn’t calmed down.

You get up from your spot on the couch, dragging your hand across the back of his waist leisurely. That simply action causes him to deflate, and he watches you walk over to the Wives, who have a drink ready for you. 

“Personally, I think their smartest plan was getting rid of me,” you declare, and laughs that resonate through the room.

“Getting rid of you? I was the one that they kept around for information,” Loki challenges.

“Mmm, maybe. But obviously they killed the biggest threat first.”

Thor looks at you fondly as everyone laughs again, watching you toast with Sekhmet, Kali & Hecate. 

“As pleasant as this exchange has been,” he says, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Is there a reason you brought me here besides to threaten my wife and my brother?”

Kali nudges you on the shoulder, and you take the sign to walk up to him slowly. He presses you into him immediately, and watches as Tony approaches him with a glass of gin. 

When Thor gives it a side glance, he merely rolls his eyes and takes a sip before handing it over. Your husband takes it gladly, but just before he’s about to take a sip, Tony’s words stop him. 

“How do you feel about becoming a Horseman?”

 -----------------

Tags: @angelmashelle​ @fuckinglittlekitten​ @youngdreamer3214​ @rose-bliss​ @amethyst09​ 

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[wrenhyperfixates]

A Kiss at Midnight

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: At Tony’s New Year’s Party, you notice Loki is upset. He’s hesitant to tell you what’s wrong, but when he finally confesses, the coming year suddenly seems so much brighter. Warnings: mainly fluff with just a tiny bit of angst A/N: Happy New Year everyone! May it be filled with nothing but love and joy. Thank you all for supporting me. I’m looking forward to producing even more content in the coming year! Enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs @gaitwae​ @whatafuckingdumbass​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Yet another party was raging on around you. There had been far too many this past year, in your opinion. At least this one wasn’t just because Tony was throwing it on a whim. No, tonight was New Year’s Eve. Even so, you would argue that the music was blasting just a little too loud, and everyone was shouting just a little too much. Maybe those were directly affecting each other, you thought with a small laugh.

You glanced over to where the God of Mischief, your best friend, was standing, looking rather glum. After having made the rounds, you were on your way to the corner he had sequestered himself in. If there was anyone who disliked these parties more than you, it was Loki. Too many people, too many glares, he would tell you. It made your heart break a little more every time. Despite your best efforts, you’d only found one reporter willing to write an article on Loki in a positive light, and they only ran a small, though considerably popular, blog. Everyone else just seemed to think it too much of a risk. All these depressing thoughts brought a frown to your face as you approached the god.

“Darling, is everything alright?” he questioned once you reached him. “Are you feeling ill? Or perhaps it is just this blasted party?”

“The second one, I suppose,” you chuckled. “I’m more worried about you, though. How are you doing?”

It still always took Loki aback for a second when you asked him something like that. He smiled at you and took your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. It made your heart skip a few beats. Yes, he was your best friend, but you wished he was even more than that. But he needed this friendship, you knew, and you wouldn’t take that from him if the feelings weren’t reciprocated. And let’s face it, it was unfathomable that he did return them. After all, you were just you, and he was a literal god. You pushed the thought out of your mind as he replied.

“Oh, same issue as you, really. You know these parties are not really my speed,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “I must say, however, that they are far more bearable when you are by my side. Dare I say, even enjoyable.”

You giggled a little as that beautiful glint you loved returned to his eyes. “Then perhaps you’ll indulge me and join me for a dance?”

“I suppose I will,” he sighed in mock exasperation. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

Still holding your hand, he led you to the dance floor. Of course, as soon as you made it there, a slow song began to play. Just your luck, you thought, though you weren’t sure if it was good or bad. On the one hand, you were getting to dance with your crush. On the other, it was a painful reminder that was all this was; you weren’t actually dating the beautiful god.

You shyly smiled up at Loki, afraid you were about to make a fool of yourself. Knowing he was far more graceful than you, you let him take the lead. Your right hand stayed clasped in his left, as his other hand guided your left one to his shoulder before settling on your waist. He gently tugged you closer so that your chests were pressed together, your head naturally dropping to rest on his shoulder. It seemed to surprise him that you didn’t mind being so close, but once he got accustomed to the idea, he placed his head atop yours. It was a perfect moment, and you pushed all your anxious thoughts out of the way so you could just enjoy it.

“Thank you, Loki. For dancing with me, I mean,” you said as the music stopped, lifting your head but standing just as close. “That was amazing.”

“Thank you, too, darling. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I do not suppose you would want to stay and dance again?” he asked, uncertainty obvious in his voice.

Before you could answer, Peter came pushing through the crowd, calling your name over the constant noise. You gave Loki an apologetic look and pulled away to greet the boy as he reached you.

“The foosball table is finally open!” Peter exclaimed. “Mr. Bucky is just finishing his game with Mr. Rogers, and then it’s all ours. Oh, and hi Mr. Loki. Do you want to come too? You can play the winner.”

“That is alright, spiderling. I will skip, but thank you for the generous offer. You two have fun.”

“Ok. If you’re sure,” you said. You squeezed Loki’s hand one more time before leaving. “I’ll see you later, ok?”

He nodded his head and walked in the opposite direction Peter led you. You sighed, assuming that he went back to his corner. Was it bad you already missed being held against him? Probably, but you couldn’t help it. Maybe if you were lucky, he’d still be in the mood to dance again later. Even if it wasn’t another slow dance, maybe he would hold your hand as he spun you round the floor.

After three games of foosball with Peter, two of which you lost, you got a couple Shirley Temples: one for you and one for Loki. Unfortunately, he wasn’t where you expected him to be, and your eyes scoured the room to find him. It was like he had disappeared. Then you spotted the door to the roof and were struck with the gut feeling that you’d find him out there. Still holding the drinks, you pushed the door open with your back. Your eyes immediately landed on Loki, his arms leaning on the railing as he stared off to some unknown point in the distance.

“Hey,” you said, offering him a glass, which he accepted with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. You leaned back against the railing, too. “I was looking for you. What are you doing our here?”

“Just taking a break from the crowd, I guess,” he replied with an unconvincing shrug. “How did your game go?”

“I lost, but it was fun.”

“That is good.”

“Yeah.”

You lapsed into silence, some unspoken issue in the air between you. The last thing you wanted to do was pressure Loki into telling you what was going on, but you could see something was wrong. It upset you that he didn’t trust you enough to let you in, but even more than that, you were upset that he was going through anything in the first place. Instead, you decided to focus on something positive.

“Here’s to another year of friendship,” you said, raising your glass in a toast. “I look forward to it, Loki.”

“Yes. Another year of...friendship,” he echoed, halfheartedly lifting his drink, too, though you could tell he was doing his best to be more enthusiastic.

“Ok, that’s it. Tell me what’s up. You know you can trust me with anything, right?” you asked, laying a hand on his arm.

“Yes. After all, it is like you said; we are friends.” He practically spat the last word, and you involuntarily flinched away from him a little, feeling bad when a look of hurt danced across his features. “I am sorry, darling. I should not have lost my temper. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Maybe so, but something’s wrong. I know you didn’t mean it, but I also know that something is bothering you.”

“Oh, darling.” He set your drinks down on a nearby table and cupped your cheeks. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“You were just yourself, Loki,” you replied, putting your hands on top of his. “That’s what you did.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he reopened them, his blue-green irises bore deep into your soul. “If I confess something to you now, do you promise to tell no one else?”

“Loki, of course. Your secret’s safe with me.”

His eyes searched yours for another minute before he backed away from you. Your hands dropped to your side as he paced a little. You already missed the contact. He was still obviously on the fence of whether or not he should tell you whatever was on his mind. You nervously rocked back and forth on your heels as you felt his own palpable anxiety in the click click click of his shoes on the floor. Suddenly, he stopped in front of you and stared at you for another moment more.

“I am in love with you,” he blurted out, visibly cringing at his lack of eloquence. He took a deep breath and tried again. “What I mean to say is, well, what I said. I am in love with you. And while I value your friendship more than anything else in this world, I have come to desire more.”

“What?” you gasped in utter disbelief. “Loki. I don’t believe this.”

“It is ok if you do not feel the same,” he said, taking a step back. “Nothing has to change if you do not want it to. But, please, I do not want to lose you completely.”

“No, Loki,” you hurried to fix the misunderstanding. You took a step forward so that the distance he’d put between you was gone. “I don’t believe it because I do feel the same. I just never imagined that you did.”

“You truly do?”

“With all my heart.”

At the same time, you both moved to close the gap between you, kissing each other with a passion too long hidden. As you stood there, two hearts becoming one, you could hear the people inside begin the countdown. You pulled away, eyes shining and lips red.

“I propose a new toast,” you began. “To our new relationship in a new year. To our love.”

“To our love,” he echoed again, much happier this time. “Forever and always.”

“Forever and always.”

As the countdown reached its end, you and Loki kissed again, sealing the promise you’d made. Here with Loki, you knew one thing for sure: This was going to be a good year.

[plainlo-inthemorning]

A Loki TVA/Lokane fic. Rating T.

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 (of 6)

Shine a Light, part 5

He is aware that the love of his life is digging her fingers into his arm and saying his name.

He is aware of Stark standing to his other side, visor off, speaking to someone on the phone. His voice is hard.

But most of all, Loki is aware that all their lives were just changed by a great big terrifying rip in the seam of reality.

Neither Jane nor the Avenger could possibly be completely sure of what they saw. Loki, as much as he desperately wants to, harbors little doubt.

The man he held in a death-grip only minutes ago and who just now disappeared through a doorway conjured out of thin air was somehow … himself.

Another him. Just as the man had said.

After witnessing from afar the double kiss Jane, Loki, who was coming back from a swim, had been more than ready to skip past introductions and just sever the intruder’s head from his body.

But as soon as he had laid hands on him, a torrent of images had flooded his mind – chaotic, confused images that seemed to span past, present, future and beyond.

The shock had made him lessen his grip and the double had used his (his!) magic to throw him off.

With some distance between them and Stark suddenly there as well, Loki had tried to let his rage quell the dizzying realization. Unsuccessfully.

He is still shaking, clutching a dagger in each hand. He drew them instinctively as the other made for the door.

He should have caught him!

“Loki! What did he say?!”

“What?” His thoughts are racing in too many directions to hear her.

“The … man, what was he saying to you?!”

Jane is looking up at him with those beautiful brown eyes, worry and urgency all over her delicate features. Though not fear, Loki notes. His ever-brave wife. Both her hands are now clamped around his wrist.

That thing kissed her.

The daggers disappear and Loki wraps both arms around the mother of his unborn child, almost crushing her to his chest while still staring at the spot where the double vanished.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, love”, he murmurs. He suspects things are very much not okay.

So does Jane, of course.

“Loki, was it … oof, not so tight … “

She wriggles against him, and he remembers his amor. And her condition. He immediately relaxes his arms a bit while letting the leather and metal melt back into the clothes he wore before: Black jeans and a fitted, dusty green t-shirt (his “rockstar outfit”, Jane had called it, when Loki first started switching up his human wardrobe some years ago now). Drops of saltwater still cling to the ends of his slightly curly raven locks.

“Tony! Jane, Loki! What on Earth was that?”

Pepper jumps out of the car parked in front of the house and runs towards them. She must have seen everything as she drove down the road following her flying husband.

“The verdict’s still out, Peps”. Tony nods at Loki. “You wanna chip in here? I just called the boy-scout at headquarters and told him to be on guard for one of the magician’s interns playing a prank”.

Loki shakes his head slowly.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think Stephen had anything to do with this”.

“You’re right, I didn’t”.

All four of them turn around to see the sorcerer step out of a swirling ring of light, his cape billowing around him. The mahogany floor and paneled walls of his Manhattan mansion are briefly visible behind him before the portal closes with a hiss of little sparks.

Strange is wearing an even sterner expression than usual which only adds to Loki’s growing sense of dread.

Tony, however, groans loudly.

“Dude, really? Couldn’t you at least have let us have dinner before party crashing? Not shaming your bachelor lifestyle or anything, but this was couples’ night!”

“Tony!” Pepper hits her husband on the arm.

Strange ignores him.

“I’m afraid the arrival of your surprise visitor indicates that a set of … unfortunate events have been set in motion”.

As always, his voice is as even as if he was reading the weather forecast, but by now Loki has learned to differentiate the (very) subtle nuances between scorn and sincerity. Strange places his hands behind his back and regards them coolly. “I’ve had Wong reach out to Doctor Banner and director Fury. They should be here shortly. Stark, you may want to-”.

Tony narrows his eyes, lip twitching.

“Hey, Bleeker Street, you know I have low tolerance for you showing up and barking orders without giving two f**** for context. How did you even know that something was going down here? By all means, don’t keep us in suspense until the cavalry gets here”.

Strange doesn’t answer, but the way his eyes dart to Jane sends needles through Loki’s heart.

“Let’s go sit down, shall we?” With one eyebrow raised, Strange puts on a suave smile and gestures towards the house. The effect is a little startling.

Jane ducks out from under Loki’s arms. “Jane, don’t you want to-“. She brushes him off.

“Yes, good idea, Stephen. Let’s go sit down”. She motions for Strange to follow. “Welcome to our home. I was actually making drinks before, but I think I need to add a bit more kick to them…”

Her voice is oddly calm, and Loki fights the urge to grab her and magic them both far, far away, not caring that she would be furious with him for making decisions on her behalf.

He’s brought back to the present by an even odder sound as Strange actually chuckles.

Loki is not sure he’s ever heard it before. Then again, it’s not that he really knows Strange when it comes down to it. Like Tony, Loki finds the wizard exceedingly arrogant.

Pepper is the first to follow Jane and Strange across the lawn while Loki and Tony hang back.

“Real ladies’ man when he wants to. Who would have thought”. The billionaire superhero scoffs. His suit has folded itself off and into a briefcase next to his feet.

“Tony-“

“Uh oh. First name basis. So this really is an emergency”.

Loki faces his friend. Often in the past years, as they’ve grown steadily closer outside of “work”, he has secretly marveled at how long they’ve come since someone threw someone else off a building after being called a diva.

And attacking a city with an alien army.

Jane always insisted the two “hotheads” (her word) had a lot in common when not trying to murder one another (be it with weapons or sarcastic commentary), and Loki has to admit she was right. The metal man is fiercely intelligent, and Loki has been enjoying the quick-witted snark between them infinitely more than he ever valued the company of Thor’s band of gullible warrior groupies on Asgard.

“Well?”. Tony is regarding him with eyebrows raised, expectant. “Give me your take on this cause I’m starting to put together some rather outlandish theories myself here that I’m kinda hoping you’ll thwart ASAP”.

Loki draws in a deep breath.

“That thing with Banner at the tower two years ago-“

“Fuck!” Tony exhales, exasperated. “I knew you were gonna say that”. He squints into the distance towards the ocean, his mouth a tight line. It’s a rare day that Tony Stark is caught under a clear blue sky without sunglasses but for once he doesn’t seem to notice.

Loki takes a step closer to him and lowers his voice so they won’t alert the others just yet.

“I told you then and you didn’t want to listen! Everything about Bruce’s story was off. I know he didn’t remember much after Steve took him down, but you all pretty much accused me of trying to get back at him for, well, you know what, and I kept telling you I thought someone had gotten to him! Now-“

Loki searches for the words. It’s beyond absurd.

“That man was a version of me, Tony. I have no idea how, but I felt it. I saw into his mind. It was filled with images from my past and then … other, recent memories. Dark ones. He came from nowhere. Literally. It didn’t feel like a place. I tried to discard it as a trick, you saw that, but…” Loki runs his hand through his moist hair. “Stephen obviously felt something tear open too. And that is not a good sign”.

He has Tony’s full attention.

“Tear open? Could this other you be associated with your old boss? With Thanos?”

Loki winces.

“No, I don’t think he’s involved”, he says sharply. “But I can’t be sure …”

Tony catches his tone pats his shoulder. “Okay, okay. Shake it off. Didn’t mean to suggest anything. Let’s say he’s not. I’d much prefer that, at least until the wizard presents us with an even uglier imminent threat to the universe. Which, judging by the fact that he’s even here, willingly sipping cocktails in your kitchen as we speak, he probably will”.

Tony throws his hands up with a dramatic air.

“And here I thought the most challenging part of this weekend would be to convince you two to come see Hamilton with us in the city next week!”

“Who’s-“

“Never mind. Did you get a look at that gadget your guy was holding? Boy, he looked like an office slave who’d slept under his desk for a month before getting fired, didn’t he? Were you ever into accounting yourself by any chance?”

Loki shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Immediately he sees the image of the double kissing Jane, his arms wrapped firmly around her supple body. Rage rushes right back through him and his eyes snap open.

“Stark - I can’t. But yes, I did notice the device. It looked like a phone”.

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think it was the new iPhone”.

Tony shakes his head.

“The two of us and we didn’t take him down. Fury’s gonna have our badges”.

//

The director of SHIELD and Bruce Banner arrive barely 15 minutes later through a portal in the middle of the meadow-like lawn, following Wong and both looking grim and out of place as they weave around patches of wildflowers to reach the porch.

“Gentlemen, I trust you’re well”. Loki greets the trio with an only vaguely sarcastic nod as he holds open the screen doors to them, like a good host. Despite what some may still think, he can behave.

He could have just used magic of course, but he figures Banner is freaked enough as it is just by being here. The scientist hasn’t spoken more than five words to him since 2014 and at least three of them were expletives.

Once inside the small living room, Bruce goes to stand by the window and busies himself polishing his glasses with a little too much vigor than seems warranted.

He avoids Loki’s eyes but looks up and smiles wearily as Jane comes over to say hello.

Fury leans against the doorframe to the hallway and crosses his arms, face a closed book, and, by the sound of it, Tony is going through the cabinets in the kitchen trying to find something to spice up Jane’s pre-dinner cocktails.

Pepper is talking to Strange and Wong on the blue IKEA couch (assembled by magic after the attempt to go at it “as a team” turned into a shouting match), and Loki is about to politely ask Strange to please spit it out right this minute, when Jane is next to him, taking his hand.

“We need to talk. Now”.

Her voice is low and steady but her eyes insisting. She squeezes his fingers.

He squeezes back. “Come”.

Loki looks to Fury but he’s focused on Strange who’s listening very closely to something Wong’s saying.

Not letting go of Jane’s hand, he turns towards the kitchen. In the doorway they pass Tony who’s now holding what appears to be a glass of scotch. He must have given up on the gin and tonics.

“Hey, where are you two going? Forget about playing hosts okay, let’s just get started with part two of the evening’s entertainment”.

“In a minute”.

Jane pushes past him, ignoring Tony’s look and dragging Loki with her.

She closes the door behind them.

“Okay, so…” Jane looks around nervously in the small kitchen with the rustic white fronts and old brass handles. She loves that kitchen. They haven’t changed a thing since moving in. Loki reaches for her, but she takes a step back. “Jane, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have gotten there faster. Did he …“

“I need you tell me exactly what he said to you”.

She is absentmindedly opening and closing her fists in the way she does when that brilliant astrophysicist mind of hers is working out an intricate problem in the lab.

Or, Loki knows, when she’s about to deliver him bad news.

He clears his throat. “He said he was me. And that something big was happening”. There. “And then he said he was sorry”.

Jane studies his face.

“That he was sorry? For what?”

“He didn’t say. He stepped through the door”.

Jane is quiet and now it’s Loki’s turn to try and read her expression.

“What did he say to you? I assume he pretended to be me …?”

Jane holds up a hand and bites her lip. Loki swallows.

“Loki, when we were staying at the flat in London, after we defeated Malekith…”

“What?” Loki furrows his brow in confusion. “Why are we-“

“The poison from the monster’s blade, it had you slipping in and out of consciousness for days. You were so feverish…”

“Yes, I know. I was there”. Loki’s blood is slowly turning very cold, but he musters a smile. “And you were amazing, love. Although some might say you took adv-“

Jane interrupts him in the middle of his blossoming smirk. A slight blush appears on her own cheeks.

“Yes, um, it’s not about that day”. She gives him a stern look. “The other day, later, when Thor left after you two went and had your, um, talk … there’s something I need to tell you …”

The door to the living room opens behind them.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, Doctor Foster, I would very much like to hear this too”.

Stephen Strange steps into the kitchen. The door closes behind him.

Part 6

[iamnmbr3]

I've never really thought of Loki in a critical sense but after seeing your posts about him it hasn't left my brain. I do have a question tho, we know Loki doesn't want the throne but *why* doesn't he want it?

Yayyy! Join me in the pit of Loki brain rot. xD Seriously tho I'm so glad you've been enjoying the analysis posts about him. Loki has definitely taken over my meta tag lately.

Now, as to your question. Utimately I think the simple answer is that what Loki really wants is acceptance. He doesn’t have a grand agenda that he wants power to achieve. And he’s not selfish so he also doesn’t want power in order to gain access to perks. He just wants to be seen. And he wants to be loved and valued in the way Thor always has been. And I think he especially wants Thor’s regard and respect. If he could have all that, what would the throne matter to him? 

But yeah. To answer a bit more in-depth. I think there are a couple things going on. (As is usual with Loki!) Partly, Loki doesn’t want the throne because he has been raised as a second son knowing that it isn’t his to inherit and for all that Loki acknowledges Thor’s many flaws in ways others cannot or will not, he also sees his strengths. In Thor 2011 he believes in Thor enough to think he can do better, and to think that he can be a good king one day. Despite all the resentments and difficulties and bad blood between them, Loki does love his brother and he does admire him and I think he believes in Thor’s ability to be a good king and he’s not willing to take away Thor’s rightful position either by displacing or killing him. 

Even in the beginning of Thor 2011, although Thor is very aggressive and warlike, those traits are accepted and encouraged in his society; compared to others Thor has many positive traits - for example he doesn’t seem to have the bigoted attitudes towards humans that are apparently common in Asgard given that Odin likens Thor’s relationship with Jane to romancing a goat. So I think Loki saw in Thor the potential for kindness and growth. I think Loki felt that Thor could be better than he was, and better than the friends who just encouraged his worst traits. He knew Thor would be a dangerous king in that moment and tried to delay his coronation, but he saw his potential. 

Although Loki resents Thor and doesn’t blindly view him as without flaw I think he too is to some extent dazzled by him. So much of his identity is tied up in the idea of needing to measure up to Thor and in viewing worthiness only in terms of how close he is to being Thor that I think to some extent he couldn’t imagine anyone else actually being on the throne. Of course, at the same time he feels a contradictory sense of resentment because he is never seriously considered despite having many skills that Thor lacks (especially in the beginning of Thor 2011) and he is also keenly aware of this fact.

I also think he doesn’t want the throne because it’s not how he likes to operate. I think he simply doesn’t have that particular ambition. Not everyone wants to hold that kind of power. He wants respect and love and in that sense he wants the throne for what it symbolizes, but he doesn’t want the throne itself. If he could have all the approval and adoration that he craves and be viewed as Thor’s equal, just an equal skilled in different ways, I think he’d be happier acting as an advisor and a diplomat rather than the actual ultimate authority and head of state. If Thor valued him and encouraged the rest of the Asgardians to also treat him with respect, I think Loki would be perfectly content. 

On a more practical and sadder note, I think Loki knows that he would have a hard time being accepted on the throne. Loki’s strengths are not appreciated in Asgardian society and he doesn’t appear to be well liked. He’s not the kind of person the Asgardians want as their king so it’s not something he ever really planned to seek out. And btw that’s why I think he makes it a priority to rehabilitate his image with that play in Ragnarok. I know it’s intended as a joke, but it actually makes a lot of strategic sense. He knows if he is ever going to be able to drop the illusion and rule as himself he’s going to need to change societal attitudes about him. (And to his credit he doesn’t try to make up a false narrative. Instead he presents the truth, including his heritage, but tries to change how people perceive it.)

[alorenawrites]

On Words and Meaning

So I've been thinking a lot about how Loki is being discussed and the words used, particularly by Hiddleston, given his bent for using literary language in his descriptions. There are three words I want to touch on in this little post, one of them definitely rooted in his usage.

So the first I want to touch on is the term "romance." We've heard (often from Hiddleston), that Loki is, at heart, a romance. I think there's a dimension of the discussion missing in these conversations in that is important to consider.

To the layman, a romance is simply a love story, sometimes with a sexual undertone. But in the literary sense, a romance is a much deeper genre. I want to consider that this layer may also be present in Hiddleston's intent on using the term in describing the story arc. It certainly is in mine, as someone with a fascination with literary form and also with an English degree who has spent way too much time exploring genre.

So firstly, we need to define "romance." From literaryterms.net:

I. What is Romance?

In the strictest academic terms, a romance is a narrative genre in literature that involves a mysterious, adventurous, or spiritual story line where the focus is on a quest that involves bravery and strong values, not always a love interest. However, modern definitions of romance also include stories that have a relationship issue as the main focus.

II. Examples of Romance

In the academic sense, an example of a romance is a story in which the main character is a hero who must conquer various challenges as part of a quest. Each challenge could be its own story and can be taken out of the overall story without harming the plot.

Example 1

A knight who wishes to prove himself by recovering a stolen heirloom from an enemy may find himself attempting to make his way through a dangerous wood filled with thieves.

Once he has accomplished this challenge, he may find himself climbing a tall mountain on which a group of people are in trouble. He would save the group somehow, and then move on.

Then the final stage: the enemy’s kingdom. There may be a fair maiden whom he meets and somehow helps or rescues, or perhaps she helps him.

But the fair maiden is not the focus of the story – his quest is the focus. Each story can be taken out, yet each builds the hero’s strength to face his final quest. These stories tend to be serious rather than humorous and touch on strong values.

In considering this, I've thought about Loki's arc as a quest that does, indeed, involve the discovery and exploration of strong values with a three part quest, though I don't think the quests entirely stand on their own. The overarching theme is about Loki discovering his sense of self- his quest to become a full person, not just a trope for the universe to exploit so others can reach their better selves. I divide the show up in to three quests. The first, in episodes 1 and 2, is Loki finding a sense of purpose in the new world- his quest is to discover who this new variant is and where they are hiding. This is resolved by the end of that second episode. The second arc takes place in the next two episodes- Loki discovering his empathy for others is the continuation of the overarching personal development plot, while his quest is to discover Sylvie's goals and to uncover/share the truth behind the TVA. And in our third section, episodes 5 and 6, we get the culmination of the personal growth arc in his ultimate discovery of different facets of himself (illuminated by the different elements of self shown in the multitude of variant Lokis) while the quest is to uncover who is in control of the Sacred Timeline and why. The differences in colour palettes, settings, tones, etc. between the three episode pairings is a part of how I started to distinguish my thoughts on each. And regardless of the visual distinctions, I most definitely see the entire arc as exploring strong values and bravery, though the bravery is multi-layered, showing not only the visible bravery of facing down an apocalypse, Alioth, etc., but the internal bravery of challenging one's self and digging deep into discovering who one really is. This is a theme of queerness that I see lingering in this series- discovering who we are is a process, not an outcome.

I think that this definition of a romance, in the classical sense, is a little oversimplified, as there is often a theme of discovery of self or improvement of self along the way. In a Gothic romance, themes of "the people are the real monsters" come into play (Crimson Peak is an excellent example of this)- there may be elements of the supernatural, but the real thing of which the viewer/reader should be afraid is the person behind the curtain. Gothic romances also often do include a love story arc, but it is often deeply flawed on some level and often also includes some sort of sexual or romantic awakening, often by a female lead, that leads to the discovery of whatever darker is taking place (Crimson Peak turns this on its head in that it is Thomas' awakening with Edith that leads to his turning point and Edith's realization that the Sharpe siblings are the monsters, not the ghosts in the hall). The themes of discovery of self, or of the fortitude of moral values, or of the journey of a person's development, play into both a Gothic romance and its foundations in a classical romance.

So. There's part 1 of this ramble.

On to part 2!

The next word I want to examine is the term "relationship" and its companion, "love." Now, mind you, I come at this from a queer perspective as a demisexual, demiromantic individual, so these two words are ones I've spent a LOT of time pondering, in the quest to define my own identity.

We've heard the term "relationship" tossed around so often with only a romantic implication attached, but in truth, this word is so much more broad than this. You are in a relationship with your barber. You are in a relationship with your cat. You are in a relationship with a spiritual advisor, a professor, your best friend, your partner. Just because it is so heavily used in this way doesn't mean the relationship is only an intimate one (though intimate relationships are also not inherently sexual or romantic in nature, either, so let's remember this as well). Now if we break down what a relationship is, it's just a consistent interaction with someone based on some common interest or goal. It's a remarkably benign word. Its connotations, however, take it in a multitude of directions.

So let's look at it through the lens of an intimate relationship and add in the component of love. We'll start with just a blanket statement that love is not only one single thing. It isn't just romantic. It is our family, our friends, our pets, pie, the colour blue, that feeling of perfection when the waves of a warm lake brush over your calves...love is embedded in the experiences of these things. We love them. Love it as vast and broad as relationships. We love places, people, things, and experiences. We love ourselves (or we try to learn to).

In my world, through my particular brand of queerness, love changes in intimate relationships on a regular basis. I love my partner dearly. But on some days, that love is to my best friend, while other days, it is a romantic love and on others, sexual expression may be involved, but they may overlap in different ways. Sexual expression is independent of romantic attraction and the degree of each isn't tied together in any way. If we can separate these things, I think we can see the relationships in our everyday lives in different lights and with greater complexity.

I also think that looking at these things through the lens of diverse sexual and romantic experiences can inform how we interpret the Loki x Sylvie pairing and why some of us just aren't bothered by it (though certainly not the only reason people aren't).

We've been told Loki loves Sylvie. That much is beautifully clear. But love (and being in a relationship) doesn't automatically mean that 1) both parties are experiencing it in the same way, 2) both parties have the same approach or priorities, 3) the level of romance is necessarily the same between the people involved, 4) that sexual attraction exists at all.

Sometimes a kiss is a form of communication and not tied to the want to shag someone.

So this is where my interpretation of this particular pairing comes into play. I do see the story as a romance, in the classical sense, but also with a slight streak of the more modern sense involved. The focus is still on the quest, even when the love story emerges. And that is where I see the priorities of these characters and their definitions of the relationship differing and I analyze it through these different dimensions of love and relationship orientations.

Loki actually embodies one of the traits I've seen listed for demisexuals- we hold our friendships extremely close and because we hold our friendships the way we do, it isn't uncommon for us to end up with crushes on our best friends (and no, they don't generally develop into other forms of relationships, but they could). This is the phase in which I see Loki by episode 6. He has formed this intense bond, unlike any other it seems he's had, and his heart is breaking over the thought of losing her to her own rage. All he wants is for her to be OK, remember? This isn't a selfish action. But I think it is significant that while he tries to stop her, he's not the one who initiates the kiss. All his actions here are ones that a close friend would also do for their best friend. Like, I'd try to stop my besties from inadvertently destroying the universe. I'd even throw down over it. And for the exact same reasons- the risks are too great, we need to think, and I want them to be OK. Almost everything Loki does throughout his growing closeness to Sylvie is something I'd do for one of the people I've told I'd defend- as in, I literally told some of these people, "anybody messes with you, I'll cut a bitch- just tell me who and I'm there."

So because of all this, I don't see this relationship as sexual in any way. Romantic? Possibly. But not necessarily. Even being in love with one another doesn't mean a relationship has to have a sexual component.

Looking at Sylvie, I see her also as having found companionship with Loki, but her overriding goal is, ultimately, not to bond with someone- it's her mission. And she has sacrificed her entire life because of the TVA to this mission. She tells him repeatedly, in one way or another, that the mission comes first. Yes, she does care about him, but I don't think the way she cares about him is the same as the way he cares about her because they have differing priorities and needs (and hence why she feels betrayed by him when he tries to stop her). Or at least she hasn't allowed herself to express that. When she falls to the ground after she's killed He Who Remains, I think we get a glimpse of what Loki meant to her- she is alone, she grieves, and there is no meaning left to her story. She's done what she dedicated her entire life to and the person who could have given it other meaning is no longer beside her.

I still don't think that the first thing they would do upon seeing each other is suck face and have wild sex. Would that bother me? No, not really. I can headcanon something different than what actually happens, I'm fine with that (just look at all this glorious headcanoning happening right here!) I'd like it to stay a romantic friendship (queer platonic relationships for the win- they're squishes!) because I don't think we hardly ever see those types of relationships and queer platonic relationships are incredibly beautiful and powerful and yes, based on love and maybe even romance, in their own way. They are defined by the people in them, as are all relationships.

And now to address "but she kissed him!"

Yes, she did. And I've kissed my partner when there wasn't romance involved because I wanted to share a moment, to express something deeper than I had words for (yes, even on one of my aromantic leaning days), or just because it's fun. And it doesn't have to "match" up with how the other partner feels it, either, so long as the message itself is what comes across. This is how I read the Sylvie x Loki kiss. It was a message of worthiness. Loki's entire arc, including in that scene, is in discovering if he's anyone different than the monster he's made himself out to be (and encouraged others to see him as). He tells Sylvie that he can't be trusted, falling back on the habit of characterizing himself as the professional liar, the one who can't form those attachments which are built on trust. He also identifies her as someone incapable of trust in that moment, which I think is also a projection of how he sees himself. He tells Mobius he can only trust himself and the show slowly shows Loki coming to trust others, but in this moment in the Citadel, he's falling back on a different perception of himself.

This is where the kiss comes in, for me. Sylvie isn't trying to tell him she'd jump him right then and there, if things were different. Sylvie is trying to tell him that she does trust him, that he can be trusted, and that he is worthy of the affection of a friend, even if she can't have him in her way. She is prioritizing her mission, yes, but not without giving him some sort of reassurance, in her own way, that this rejection isn't personal. That he isn't too broken to be loved. It doesn't have to go into romance (not saying it couldn't, just saying it isn't a requirement). It doesn't have to go into sexual relationship territory.

Maybe I see this so vastly differently because of my experiences exploring gender, sexuality, and romantic orientation. Maybe I see this so differently because at this stage in my life, I would absolutely kiss a friend if I felt something so heavy was going to break them. I have a friend I say "I love you" to every time we talk on the phone or video chat- we've been together for 20 years. I've got photo proof of a snuggle pile of friends when I was a young adult. I've shared a bed with a friend with no reason other than that we didn't want to sleep on the floor and why not. I've had friendships that were awkward to start and intense once they got going that are absolutely still important in my life. I've had crushes on friends that have faded and just shown me another dimension of what it is to love someone. I've watched adults who struggle to make connections to other people discover those moments of awkward "how do I do friend mode?" and come out stronger for them, with that huge sense of victory hidden behind a small smile they don't want to share with anyone else quite yet.

I see so much possibility in how we interpret a television show reduced to "it's a romance and that's sick and incest and he wants to fuck himself!" and it just saddens me that so many people have such a limited understanding and experience of the depth and breadth of human relationships and of how people love one another.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Eye of the Storm 16

Warnings: nonconsensual sex

This is dark!Thor and dark!Loki and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are a new servant at the palace of Asgard but the job isn’t so easy as you thought.

Note: Stuff is happening! Are you ready?

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Within the next week, your life fell into the same pattern of dread and desperation as it had with Thor. Loki, in his way, was not so brutish as his brother but he had his own manner of cruelty. His words were just as painful as any strike. His eyes as sinister as any threat. 

He didn’t need to use his physical strength as the king did because his leverage was all the same Thor’s wrath. If he returned and discovered his concubine in the grasp of his reviled brother, it would be worse for you than the prince. Loki was protected by his title, his relation, as tenuous as it was. You were only protected by Thor’s tempestuous favour. Even if you despised it, cursed it, you trembled at the thought of his distaste.

That morning rose like any that had in Thor’s absence. You woke, from a shallow sleep at best, to Loki’s touch. You closed your eyes and bared it as you had come to do. Swallowed back the reluctant pleasure he filled you with. The guilt would come after. Choke you until you couldn’t breathe and not long after, he’d return to do it all again. 

As different as Odin’s sons were, they played at the same vile games.

You sat up as Loki rolled off of you. He sighed and you stood with a groan. Your thighs ached, your core thrummed, and you felt as if you had been drained of all you had. You rinsed yourself from the basin, flinching at how tender you were. You leaned on the counter and let out a long breath. 

You rubbed your eyes and pushed yourself straight. You splashed your face with water and walked on shaking legs back to the doorway. The last time you’d tarried, even as Loki had been on his way out, he’d grown agitated. In an instant he had you bent over the large tub, victim to his impatience and wiles.

You stumbled to the doorway and looked through. The bed was empty, the blankets still tangled in each other. Your heart raced. There was not a trace of the prince as you looked around. No, not the prince but the king stood in the open door of the receiving chamber, arms crossed as he glared at you. You felt as if you would crumple as you clung to the door frame.

“Your majesty,” You uttered. His eyes sparked as they roved your naked body then flicked back to the bed. “Your back--”

“Early.” He finished for you as he stepped inside the chamber. “Don’t worry. I sent my brother on his way.” He neared the bed and tugged on the messy blankets. “I shall deal with him later. After you… sweet maid.”

You felt as if you’d been punched in the stomach. Your mouth fell open as you couldn’t think of any word to appease him.

“Don’t stand there looking dumb,” He snarled. “You’ve dirtied my bed. Clean it up.”

You blinked and shoved yourself away from the wall. You went to your gown, strewn across the floor, and bent to grab it.

“I didn’t say dress,” He warned. “I told you to clean up your mess.”

You stood and your lip quivered. You were terrified. You crossed to the bed and grabbed the blankets, pulling them from the bed. You gathered the sheets next as the king remained where he was, watching with heavy, angry breaths. You glanced over at him as you dropped the sheets with the rest and took all of them in your arms. 

You rose and walked with your armful toward the door. Thor stopped you as you passed him, his thick arm wrapped around your waist as he tore the linen from your grasp. He tossed them to the floor and spun your back to land on the mattress, catching yourself on your stomach, your knees on the floor.

“Stay like that, sweet maid,” He growled. “On your knees as you belong.” He shoved your head down gruffly. “You ungrateful whore.”

His large hands stretched around your hips and he lifted you until your ass was propped up over the edge of the bed. He let go and you listened fearfully to the brush of fabric beneath his fingertips. You shrieked as he struck your ass suddenly. He did again, harder, and your entire body quaked. He slapped you a third time and left the flesh raw.

He lowered himself over you. He bent his arm over your neck as he pinned you down, holding his weight up as he pulled his cock from his breeches. He dragged his tip along your tender ass and poked around blindly.

“A good thing you washed my brother off of you,” He sneered as he found your entrance. 

His hot breath clouded around you as he pushed inside. You gasped as he stretched your already sore cunt. You moaned and tensed beneath him. You quivered as he began to rut into you relentlessly. He jolted the entire bed as with each thrust, sending a bolt of agony through your body. 

Your eyes pricked with tears as you let him crush you beneath him. As you sank into the mattress, hoping to dissolve into it. To become anything but what you were. His animalistic grunts made your skin crawl as he got louder and louder, his motion harder and deeper, his fervour fed by his anger. 

He lifted himself, his hands on your shoulders as he snapped his hips against your ass harshly. You whimpered, your tears tasted like salt as they pooled on the bed beneath your head. He impaled you completely and let out a roar. His entire body shook and he gave a few, final, uneven thrusts as he emptied himself into you.

He pushed himself off of you so that you bounced atop the feather mattress. He snarled as he stood and you stayed as you were, prone, afraid, stunned. He slapped your ass again and you winced as you sniffed back your tears.

“Turn over,” He ordered.

You shakily pushed yourself onto your back, too frightened to sit up as you fell flat on the mattress. He smiled down at you as he gazed down at his slick member. 

“You’ve made another mess,” He stroked himself and beckoned you with his other hand. “Clean it up.”

You sat up, dizzy. He stepped closer as his lip curled and grabbed your head. He pressed the tip of his cock to your lips and you opened around him. You closed your eyes and he forced himself down your throat. You gagged and let him guide your mouth. Better it be done with; better the king punish you and be done with you sooner. Better to have this all over, even if it meant your end.

He began to fuck your face. He was hard again in an instant. Your spit dripped down your chin as he did not waver. You choked and garbled around him, your eyes wet and streaming once more. There was nothing to be done. You were hopeless, helpless.

“Open your eyes, darling,” The voice startled you and your eyes fluttered open. Loki smirked down at you as he continued to delve into your mouth. “Mmm, you are delicious as ever.”

He inhaled sharply and his fingers curled around your head. He let out a stuttered groan and threw his head back. He came as he kept his hips moving, forcing his seed down your throat. You blinked away your tears in confusion and choked down his cum as he released you and pulled out of your mouth. You cough and wiped your lips as you stared up at him.

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” Loki smirked as he strode away and grabbed a cloth to wipe himself. 

“What--” You gasped as you stood nervously. “Why did you do that?”

“To show you the value of discretion,” He purred as he tucked his cock away and tossed the cloth on the side table. “That was only a simple imagining of what should happen if my brother should return and discover what you’ve been up to.” He snickered. “But I would dare to say it would be much worse for you, darling.”

“You’re-- you’re horrid,” You spat. “You-- you--”

“I’m trying to keep you safe, my dear,” He slithered. “I wouldn’t want him to hurt you thus so I would forewarn of what should happen if you were so careless to betray our… little delights.”

“You think I am so stupid as too--”

“Perhaps not but I am clever enough to make certain you know,” He said staunchly. “And besides, it was a lovely treat before another day of courtly toil. As ever, you have proven delectable.” 

You pressed your lips together. You felt hollow. Your stomach turned and you stooped to take your dress from the floor. He watched you all the while and as you stood he licked his lips.

“Not to fear, I expect my brother will not return for some time,” He preened as he neared the door. “I did ensure that he should be kept away for at least another week. Perhaps more.” Loki paused in the doorway and looked back at you. “I might have left out a few essential details about the uprising and my brother is so quick to underestimate his foes.”

He winked and left you. You looked down at the red fabric and frowned. Were you so concerned for Thor’s return? So eager for another tormentor? It made little difference if it was the king or the prince; you would suffer either way.

🌩️

Around noon, a maid arrived to change the bed and tidy the chambers where you hadn’t. You ignored her side glances and whispered snips. You didn’t care. She thought you the lucky one, she didn’t realise her own fortune at being unnoticed. She left and you remained as you had been for most of the day, by the window, gazing out, dreaming of freedom. What a silly idea.

Several hours passed, maybe more. You were surprised by a knock. The maid only knocked when the king had been in residence and Loki never bothered with such formality. You rose and went to the door. The king would not knock upon his own door and by Loki’s word, he would not return for some time yet.

The queen greeted you on the other side. She stood with her shoulders back and head high; her usual and natural grace. Her round eyes were sharp and discerning as she looked you over.

“Your majesty,” You bowed and tried to shake away your disorientation. “I…”

“Do not trouble yourself, I’ve only come to converse,” Calla declared and you stepped aside swiftly as she whisked past you.

You closed the door as she swept into the chamber and looked around before lowering herself upon the sofa. She sat straight and her eyes strayed to the portrait of the king. Her revulsion was apparent as she quickly averted her gaze and cleared her throat.

“Please, sit with me,” She gestured to the chair. 

You obeyed and sat lightly on the cushion. You folded your hands in your lap and hooked your feet together under the chair. You watched her, anxiously.

“That night,” She began in a stony tone. “When my husband… sent me away.” She took a breath and her jaw tensed as she struggled to keep her calm. “I was humiliated. I returned to my chambers and I wept then I swore I would not do so again. I realised then the kind of man I had married. Early too but not soon enough.”

You fidgeted as you listened, uncertain what to say.

“I knew what he would do with you. And you saw that for a moment I did sympathize but the moment I stepped out into the corridor, I couldn’t help but pleasure in your suffering. Better it not me, better that the woman he chooses over me should know agony at his hand.”

The venom in her voice filled you with bile. You could not blame her for her hatred, you expected.

“I was selfish. It wasn’t your choice. It never is. Thor is not the kind to be controlled or influenced by another. We both have learned that. And yet he passed that ridiculous act and assured my humiliation. A concubine… bastards to be legitimized upon my failure. I’d not been given a chance to succeed.” She shook her head. “And it stung more.”

“I’m sorry--”

“I am not here for an apology. I am here to be heard.” She interjected. “I admit I did not give you that powder for your own good, but for mine. To ensure you did not beget a child that should displace my own. So that you could not threaten me further. Any benefit to you was an afterthought.

“And I thought I could bear it. That I could find a way to tolerate a lifetime in hopes that I might find someone else to love me. That I might have a child who would one day take the throne from this monster I was wed to.” She sniffed. “But in my husband’s absence I have determined that it cannot be done. I will not sacrifice my pride for his.”

You frowned. Why was she telling you all this?

“I cannot imagine you feel for me any different than what I do for you. This tumultuous storm of pity and loathing. Confounding and entirely tortuous. Yet, my conscience would not have me begrudge you entirely for Thor’s arrogance and to suffer by it.” She gulped and peeked over at the portrait again. “I am leaving. I will return to my home. If Thor does insist upon this union, he will have another battle and one I refuse to lose.”

Your eyebrows flew up in shock and you gaped at her. Her guile, her courage was astounding.

“At your risk, you are welcome to accompany me. Upon arrival, you might return to your formal duties in my kingdom.” She said. “You understand, that is the extent of my generosity. From there, I will have nothing else to do with you.”

You nodded and it was your turn to look at the oil likeness of Thor. It felt as if he was watching you, as if he could hear every word of his wife’s plot. But it was a way out and to think you might be beyond his grasp, beyond Loki’s… you didn’t need to fear him.

“Yes,” You uttered. “Yes. I’ll go. Thank you, your majesty. Thank you.”

“Do not fall to your knees yet,” She stood and looked down her nose. “My plan might be foiled yet. I leave tonight. I’ve secured transport. I expect you at the docks by midnight, just alongside the rainbow road.”

“The man, the watcher, Heimdall…”

“He will have sufficient distraction,” She asserted as she strode across the room. “If you are late, I will not wait.”

🌩️

Your only obstacle was Loki. He arrived that night as every night. You tried very hard to withhold your anxiety and chagrin. That morning loomed over you. His cruel trick lingered in the back of your mind and despite his assurances, you could help but think the king might return at any moment. 

Loki let you fall forward and you collapsed on the bed. He smacked your ass, a habit which was as irritating as it was painful. You held back a grumble and sat up as his seed leaked from you. He crawled up onto the bed and fell onto the pillows with a sigh. He was as pleased with himself as ever.

You stood and looked out the window. It was late. You needed to find a way out before it was too late. Before the queen left with the last of your hope. You went to the bath chamber and washed yourself as you always did. You might pretend to doze until Loki did and you could sneak out then. Or perhaps you would have to make a run for it. Yet, that might inhibit the queen’s plan entirely.

There was a tunic and a pair of breeches hidden beneath the cushions of the sofa in the receiving chamber, waiting for you. There were Thor’s and much too big for you, you’d looped a length of rope through the breeches to belt them around you and would tuck in the tunic. Your sandals would have to do as you had not figured out how to fit Thor’s over sized boots to your feet.

You returned to the bed chamber. Loki’s eyes were closed as he lazed across the mattress. You climbed up beside him and he did not rouse. He merely slipped further down and hummed. He reached out to rest his hand on your thigh. He drew circles with his fingertip and you eased back against the pillows.

His finger slowed until it was entirely still. You sat, holding your breath, and listened to his. It was slow, even.  You waited until you were certain. You lifted his hand carefully. You waited for him to wake. He did not.

You slipped from the bed. Your heart was pounding. It was too easy. You waited again. You couldn’t wait much longer. He rolled over so that his back was to you but still he did not sense your presence or wake. You had to go now. 

You crept through to the receiving chamber and pulled the clothes out from the sofa. You dressed, listening to every night wind and bird outside the windows. You went to the door, sandals in hand, and inched it open. You didn’t close it all away, afraid it would assure your failure, and slipped on your sandals.

You rushed down the corridor, slowing at the corner and calmed yourself. Your disguise was poor and you didn’t need to betray yourself by running. Yet the corridors were eerily empty and the palace unsettlingly quiet. You reached the stairs and descended quickly.

Outside, you were disoriented. As if you were floating in a dream. You’d gotten this far, you could make it. 

The sky flashed, a streak of colours all the way across the city. A crash and several bangs. The rainbow bridge was alight. You ran over to the wall and hid from the blooming lights. Voices hollered back and forth and the clatter of armor preceded a group of guards scrambling to open the gates before pushing out into the city streets.

You waited for the noise of their boots to fade and the gate closed. You went to the east wall where the vines grew and began to climb. Still, you were fine. The lights, the noise, continued. It must’ve been the distraction the queen spoke of. 

On the other side of the wall, all patience, all caution slipped away. You clamoured down the streets and rushed towards the spark of activity. You just needed to reach the docks. It would be easy enough to go unseen in the chaos.

You passed by the cobblers which marked the border of the fishing district. You were so close you could taste the salt. You had to make it. You had to. You could see the queen’s dark figure at the shore and another, taller, with her.

A curtain of green light painted your vision and you stumbled back. Loki caught you before you could fall on your rear and grasped both your arms tightly as he drew you near. He leaned down, his voice low, unheard amidst the cacophony sounding over the rainbow bridge.

“I wake, you’re gone, and there is battle above,” He hissed. “Did you truly think you could trick a trickster?”

“I didn’t-- I-- your highness.”

He kept hold of one arm as he turned. The queen was gone along with her escort. You tried to pull away from the prince, tried to run forward, to call after her. He clung to you and spun you back.

“Let Calla go home. I made certain she’d make it myself.” He said. “Heimdall can handle what oafs were sent to draw his attention.”

You froze and squinted up at him. “You?”

“Darling, you think I don’t know everything that happens in the palace?” He leaned in until his lips were by your ear. “You think I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours?”

[silence-burns]

Please Hate Me //part 41

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Based on: “Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki.” by @thefandomimagine​ Who would have thought that babysitting a god could be so much fun?

Genre: slow-burn, enemies to lovers, banter

The air was crisp and buzzing with tension as you walked through the forest that was a part of the endless gardens surrounding the palace. No matter how far you ventured, the palace still rose behind your back, melted into the very core of the mountain piercing the clouds. 

The river shimmered somewhere to your right as you followed Loki through the thicket.

"You okay?" he asked again, casting you a glance over his shoulder. 

You just nodded, a little breathless after circling around the fallen trees and muddy holes. 

The reason behind Loki's concern was getting nearer with each step. Magic was sizzling in the air, filled with energy not unlike one of a storm front's lightning about to strike. You'd passed a few bird-like creatures on your way there, but they didn't dare come close to the Rift. Double sets of wigs took them away and into safer spots. A three-eyed doe disappeared among gnarled trees, shedding starlight as it skittled off. Even the plants, usually a feral mass of color, seemed all to have withered the closer you got to the Rift. The only things left were dried, greyish branches and rotten greens of mud slipping upwards over them. 

Loki stopped at the edge of a clearing and took your hand. Your breath came out in clouds against the icy cold that shouldn't have been possible on the Edge.

In the center of the clearing hovered a rip. It was a long, sharp wound that filled you with a sense of wrongness. The mud in the direct closeness to it rose as if sucked by phantom winds and entered the dark, narrow space where it sizzled and disappeared. There was nothing natural in the way it made your skin crawl, even despite the safe distance between you. 

You couldn't blame anyone in the palace for wanting to stop it from spreading. Even if it meant complicating your life. 

Loki must've sensed your tension. He ran a hand over your back in a soothing manner, as he often did to calm you down. 

"We're far enough from it to be safe from its influence," he said. 

"Are you sure it'll be enough to hide your magic?" 

"I think so. Opening a portal requires a lot of energy from Bifrost, but the Rift should help us hide the evidence." 

"If it opens at all," you reminded him.

"Indeed," Loki sighed, getting ready for the inevitable. 

Having been almost murdered by a huge spider put both of you in an uneasy situation. No matter how you looked at it, it became obvious that your little investigation was definitely going against someone's plans. 

It would be dangerous to try and point a finger at anyone without evidence. Everyone you'd met so far had a motive. Your only wonder was the ambassador's role in this tangled mess - was he working with someone, or trying to correct the balance on his own? The notes found in his study were quite clear about his interest in the value of life on the Edge. The bloodiest conflicts in its history led to centuries of peace and freedom from Rifts forming, but was such bloodshed even possible anymore, let alone worth it? Was the ambassador's death just a door to achieving it through a new war against Asgard? Or was it simply a suicide? 

Loki and you spent a large part of the morning looking over the few facts in your possession, feeling like you were piecing a puzzle together without ever seeing the original picture. They had to connect somehow, and make sense through the details, but no matter how you looked at them, you still missed something vital. 

Those were frustrating hours that only resulted in making your heads hurt from coming up with increasingly bizarre theories. It was a good thing then, that you never left the bed and could relax for a while. There were marks on your bodies left from the night, and it took you both a while to retrace them. It took you longer to add some new ones, in ways that still made your toes curl thinking about it. Unfortunately, as pleasant as it was, it couldn't last forever. 

Which was what led you to decide to change the course of action a little bit, and play by a different set of rules. Neither Loki nor you were allowed to leave the Edge, but who would be there to blame you for it if no one ever found out? There were interesting places in the universe to pay a little visit to. 

One of those places was Asgard, where Loki claimed to have hidden a handy little device he had frequently used to trace even the thinnest whispers of magic back to its original caster. It was a long shot, considering how long ago he set foot in his chambers, but unless they'd been completely trashed, his secret stash should still hold. 

There were a few ways of sneaking into Asgard without notice, but Loki had to admit none of them led from the Edge. 

That left you with only one choice. A choice that made Loki's skin crawl. 

"Stay here," he braced through his discomfort and offered you a tight-lipped smile. "I'll see what I can do."

You watched him walk a few steps away. Loki held his chin high and shoulders square as he faced the dome of the neverending night overhead. 

"Listen, Heimdall, I know it's been a while, but don't you dare pretend you haven't been lurking-..." 

You leaned on a nearby boulder, carved with some intricate, needle-thin patterns. There was no reason you could come up with carving some huge boulder and then leaving it in the middle of a forest, but it was a good place to let your legs rest for a moment anyway. 

Loki left his bottomless bag with you as he continued his one-sided conversation, working himself up the more words poured out of him. He wasn't the most detailed about his relation with the being operating Biforst and guarding Asgard's borders, but from the way Loki talked about him, it was clear they weren't friends. What Loki had to ask of him now was a risky favor he had little hope would succeed. 

He tried it anyway, humiliating as it might make him feel. 

You watched him. His conversation turned into a rather heated argument, as one sided as it was. 

You looked up at the clusters of stars and galaxies passing the immeasurable expanse of the universe. Rarely had you felt so small and irrelevant. 

"You know," you said quietly, "Loki's really trying. He's doing his best, despite how shitty it is here. It's unfair how everybody expects so much out of him, but don’t consider how overwhelmed he is with all that's expected of him. No wonder he tries to hide it. It's hard to live knowing you'll never be what people want you to become, and how they are willing to force and shape you into what they'd rather have. But he's trying. He really is, and even now, he just needs this thing from Asgard to let us have some evidence and finish this investigation before we get killed for trying. Loki's amazing and capable, but even he needs some help sometimes, and I think now is one of those times. I try to help him as much as I can, but it's not me he needs right now. Just… be kinder on him, okay? If you're truly listening, I mean."

You sighed, biting your lip. The wind picked up some rogue leaves and dust, and took them away from the unnatural blemish looming to your right. The Rift was suspended mid-air, as if air itself had been torn and whatever lurked underneath the surface of reality, waited for the moment when it got wide enough to pass through. 

The weather on the Edge was mild usually, but you couldn't help a shudder from running down your back. 

Loki cursed in a language you didn't know. 

"At least we tried," he shrugged. 

There was a tight smile on his face, but it couldn't hide his disappointment completely. He would think of another way out, though, he just needed some time. 

Just as you were taking his bag and began to walk toward him, light enveloped both of you, and a familiar, gut-wrenching feeling threatened to bring the contents of your stomach to daylight. 

There was surprise in Loki's eyes, and a thread of hope as he reached out to you and gathered you in his arms. Clinging to him would be much more pleasant if the atoms weren't ripped out of your bodies, but before you blinked, the Bifrost plucked you out. Where you'd been standing, only faintest scorch marks remained. The Rift buzzed, but there was nothing for it to feed on. 

Pressing your face into Loki's chest didn't look dignified, but it helped you get through the blinding rush of universe passing you by. Your heart hammered against your chest, but Loki's arms held steady around you until all finally stopped. 

Peeling yourself from him took a considerable amount of effort, but once you did, both your fear and nausea dissipated. As it had happened with the Edge, the first thing that hit you was the smell you could only describe as otherworldly. It wasn't strong, but it filled you with the certainty that you were the stranger in this place of blinding gold. 

Loki and you arrived in a circular room at the end of a bridge casting rainbow reflexes under the setting sun. It was a beautiful thing, but you could only spare it a single look before a figure stepped down from the dais in the center. 

The man clad in armor of gold didn't budge at your gawking. Loki might be tall, but even in his own armor, he didn't look so menacing. 

"Hello, Heimdall," Loki nodded calmly, even though his arm was still on your back. "Long time no see, or at least on my side." 

"Coming here was an unwise choice," the warrior's voice boomed in the small space. He sheathed the impossibly long sword with ease. 

Loki put an unnerving smirk on his face. "And yet you got me through." 

You could've sworn Heimdall's eyes rested on you for the briefest moment. 

"So I did," was all he said, though. 

That was not an answer Loki had expected. He was tense, as if readying himself to argue or fight, but there was nothing about Heimdall that would suggest the need for that. The great Gatekeeper just stood, and waited. 

"We won't stay long," you promised carefully, breaking the silence. 

Loki loved you for it. 

"I have to retrieve something for the mission so thoughtfully commissioned to me. " He kept his chin high, not yielding a step. 

Staying composed and calm was an uneasy task in front of Asgard's most vigilant guardian. Loki had changed since he was a mere child, but something from those days stayed with him in the way he had to crane his neck to look into Heimdall's face. The Asgardian didn't change at all, or so it seemed. He was still an unbreakable mountain, with golden eyes capable of seeing all and knowing all. 

"I won't linger any longer than necessary," Loki added into the silence. "I know I'm not welcome." 

Heimdall took in the young Prince, who had grown strong, despite how cruel life had been to him. Then he turned his all-seeing eyes to you, noting the defiance in your pose, and the tension on your face, as if you were ready to throw fists with him, had the bargaining not worked. And based on the firm grip Loki now had over your shoulder, the Prince was aware of that. 

There was a hint of a smile on Heimdall's face, but it was obscured by the golden helmet and the shadows lurking beneath it. 

"Then go, and be quick about it." 

You cheered and quickly moved to the bridge, but Loki lingered, just a while longer. 

"Why?" he asked, the frown not fully gone from his brows. 

The Gatekeeper moved back to the dais, rising in the center. 

"I serve Asgard, and Asgard I protect," he said. "If war is imminent, I shall spill my share of blood, but if there's a chance to stop it from ever happening, I shall take that chance." 

The Guardian stood tall on the dais, as he did for as long as Loki's memory went, overlooking the portal and all the worlds it opened to. Loki bowed curtly, even though Heimdall's back was to him. The golden armor flared in the rays of the setting sun, but never before had it looked so heavy. 

You waited for him at the bridge, and despite the towers of gold and glass piercing the clouds ahead, they were secondary in your eyes, following Loki's steps instead. 

There was something unwinding in him, as if only then it truly occurred to him where he came back to. He knew that bridge, and the palace shining brightly in the sun heading to rest beyond the shore, and the salty waves that would swallow it in a few hours. Until the very moment his feet hit the bridge, Loki wasn't even aware of the ache deep in his bones that had finally eased. 

He kissed your brow and cast a glamor over both of you. Heimdall might've been forgiving, but the guards stationed at the gates far up ahead likely weren't. 

"Let's go, love," he said, leading you by the hand. 

"Are you sure we won't be noticed? There's nowhere for us to hide on the bridge." 

The waves crashed underneath it, and seagulls screamed overhead as you walked. The glamour made both of you look almost translucent, or at least it did in your eyes. You had no idea if it would work against others, in a world where magic was a common thing. 

Loki pointed ahead, where the guards were stationed at the far end of the bridge. "They have sensors sensitive enough to mark any ounce of magic on travelers."

"Makes sense. What do we do?"

"We shed the glamour." 

You blinked. The seagulls overhead shared your confusion. "Wouldn't that make us visible, though?" 

Mischievous light filled his eyes. "Not if we slip on a secret little passage beneath the bridge beforehand, and only there recall all the magic around us. We wouldn't want to alert anyone, would we?" 

"Oh dear, sounds like someone was a naughty little kid," you laughed. 

"And look at what's become of me. It's a wonder I hadn’t been banished centuries ago." 

"They are idiots for doing that now." 

The sheer conviction in your voice made Loki imagine Odin hearing that from you. You wouldn't balk or juggle around, that he was sure of. And would pay to see that, even if it earned him a few more centuries of banishment. 

The guards were closer now. Loki looked around for the tiny mark on the carved railing he made long ago. 

"Do you trust me?" he whispered in your ear, approaching the railing. The shore was close enough to see the waves crashing down on the blackened rocks, but still not close enough to jump to it. 

You looked down at the foaming chaos of the sea crashing against the pillars and stone. "I mean, I wouldn't trust you with a car, but I literally traveled worlds with you, so I guess I do?" 

"That's fair," he said and jumped over the railing. 

Despite yourself, you rushed to it, half expecting to see his bloodied corpse sprawled over the jagged rocks. The wicked grin on his face told you enough. 

"You're an ass," you growled, quietly enough not to alert the guards posted nearby. 

"You love my ass, don't lie to yourself," Loki reached out to you, urging you down. 

Crawling over the railing wet from the sea mist was not the way you imagined this day to go, but the steady form of Loki waiting below made you a little less nervous as you let go of the cold metal and fell into his arms. 

"Welcome back," the smug bastard dared to smirk at you as he navigated the barely noticeable path over the rocks. 

You noticed the glamour disperse as you neared what would be the gates overhead. The width of the bridge hid you from the guards' eyes though. Loki skittered over the rocks, somehow finding just the right place to step on. 

Despite his grip on you, you couldn't help but wince every time the cold waves crashed beneath you, the mist spraying high. The path was winding and barely noticeable. Every leap between the rocks made you tighten your arms around Loki's shoulders. 

"I know you like to joke around," you managed to say with the heart in your throat, "but please don't fake-fall or something." 

"As you wish." 

The shore neared soon. Sand never felt so much like a blessing than when Loki finally put you down on the steady ground. The cliffs to your left hid you from the guards' outpost, but Loki didn't want to linger there any longer than necessary. The patrols rarely visited the narrow stretch of a beach, but it was not impossible. 

Loki knew every stone and thorny bush on this side of Asgard. He led you up the cliffs hanging high, through a path concealed so much it looked as only the wild prey might've ever used it. You stopped only for a moment, to look over to the sea and the evening reflexes in deep shades of orange and red playing over its surface. 

Loki waited for you a few feet ahead, with an expression you’d rarely seen on him. 

"We'll get in through the stables," he said when you almost reached the top. 

The glamour was back on you as you sprinted through the lush, green fields surrounding the plain in front of long barracks. People were rushing in and out, and no one noticed two additional sets of steps in the loose hay and sand as you snuck inside. 

Most of the boxes were closed already, horses and hunting dogs readied for the night. In one or two you passed by, you could've sworn you'd seen winged creatures, but there was no way of getting close enough to them with so many people around. 

Loki led you out of the stables through a courtyard, to a narrow pathway and up the steps carved in stone to a more pronounced building. The doors were open, but no guards stood the watch there. Coming closer, the smells betrayed the reason. Kitchens, even in another world, always seemed to be a place steaming with sweat, spilled food, and not enough hands to control every pot around. 

Bent low, you followed Loki below the long tables, yielding under the weight of all the dishes prepared. Feet stumped around in a rush, plates landed heavily on the counters, and the absolutely divine smells made your stomach grumble. Loki must've felt the same because his hand reached out for a few freshly baked pastries at the same time as yours, pocketing them with a knowing wink. 

You slipped out into a dim corridor, for the interior use of the kitchens and took the doors to a pantry full of meats and sacks of something stored by the walls. 

In the far corner, Loki moved old, rotting boards to the side and revealed a small, dusty corridor hidden behind them. 

"After you.” He bowed. 

You looked at the webs and thought of their owners. "I'd prefer to stay in the back, if you don't mind." 

He only laughed and broke the thick webs before crawling inside. 

It wasn't long, and soon opened to a winding staircase full of dust and only a few slits instead of windows somewhere ahead allowing the faintest shreds of light inside. 

"A long time ago, part of the kitchens was located upstairs," Loki explained when he sat down on one of the steps. "This was a shortcut used mostly by the kitchen boys who had to run around all day, but it hasn't been used for centuries. I used to hide here with whatever I managed to sneak out of the kitchens." 

"And it looks like you haven't changed much since then," you observed, as you both pulled the pastries from your pockets. Even in the narrow space with little to no fresh air, they still smelled absolutely delicious. 

There were crunching noises as you both devoured them in record time. You hadn’t even noticed how hungry you were until you took that first damned bite. Minutes later, only a few crumbs were left, scattered on the narrow steps below. 

You caught Loki looking at a few stains of old ink that surely none of the kitchen boys had left. 

"So many hours I had spent here, feeling like an outcast among my own family," he said, tracing them with fingers. "And here I am again, as mere outlaw, no closer to them than I ever was. Do you think I'm even capable of changing?" 

There was no sorrow in his voice, not really. Loki had enough time to dwell over the same question over and over again that it no longer bore its initial weight. He was no closer to finding the answer, but at least it no longer hurt. 

Loki didn't budge as you slipped into his lap. He only turned to look at you when your hands cupped his face. 

"You are here, because you made a conscious decision to do everything in your might to prevent that pointless bloodshed and war from happening. You could have ran - look how easy it would be to just sneak out and hide in some remote location far from responsibility. Still, you chose to stay and do your best, and even if that doesn't answer your question directly, I think it's something worth keeping in mind."

Loki didn't answer. The dust in the air turned into gold as it hit the narrow rays of the setting sun. His eyes were closed as he pulled you into a slow, contemplative kiss. 

He had countless memories of the hours spent on that staircase. There were books he had all but devoured, and pages he had reread until he'd had them memorized. There were tiny spells he practiced where nothing would burn or get destroyed by untrained fingers. There were cookies and cakes and sometimes even some wine hidden from all eyes. 

And there was you, in this place of cold stone and times long since gone. Tasting you, Loki was reminded that no matter what the past had brought, the future was still a mystery worthy of waiting for. 

"Thank you," he muttered breathlessly into your lips. 

[sserpente]

A/N: Requests from @bi-readytobakepie-cry-and-die, @walkinoxymoron,  @mysticalflowerroadprune, @thenocturnalsyren  and two anons. I have an order here, chips with extra fluff? Anyone? You asked for fluff, you’re getting fluff—and the chips, too. 🍟

Words: 2975 Warnings: pure fluff, sleep paralysis

You spun around when your attacker lunged, acting surprised. He had you cornered, with no way to run—or so he thought. It was a devilish smirk that curled your lips upwards when he aimed to stab the thin air surrounding your illusion as it disappeared right before his eyes. He screamed, anger and frustration getting the better of him. It was his last mistake before you pierced his head with an arrow. You used a small crossbow attached to your right wrist to shoot your enemies, usually refrained from fighting up close. You were simply not the type. Besides, you hated the feeling of blood that was not your own on your skin.

You had been hunting these people all the way to New York now. Cleopatra would be truly proud of you. But those artefacts were not only of personal value for you and your heritage but also extremely dangerous which in the wrong hands could cause a lot of damage—and the most selfish part of you, so you knew, wanted to keep them all to yourself.

There was only one of them left now and quite apparently, you had received some unknown help. You were not the only one hunting the man who was quite likely aiming to have Assassin’s Creed come to life as he climbed over every rock and piece of debris he could find to get away. Although you were grateful for their aid, you couldn’t help but wonder what it was they wanted from him.

Stopping dead in your tracks when he came to a sudden halt, you moved behind a metal barrel and observed how a woman with ginger hair and a black suit fired three shots. Not a single one missed its target. Dead. The spook was finally over. Now all you still needed was that contract hidden in one of his pockets.

“Hey, there’s another one!” The mechanical voice was coming from above you when you emerged from your hiding spot and attempted to approach the corpse. Looking up to find a man wearing a red and gold suit, you barely had the time to spin back around when another man on their team—short hair, with a bow and arrow as his weapon of choice—unceremoniously aimed at you.

“No, stop!” Your eyes widened, reflexes kicking in. You felt the familiar tingling in your body whenever you teleported, leaving an illusion behind and letting the archer’s arrow hurtling through the empty spot you had stood in less than a second ago. Rude… “I believe we are on the same side.” They jumped when you reappeared behind them.

-

You struggled to remember their names, purpose and story. The woman with the red hair was called Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow for short. Former assassin, she now worked with this secret organisation called SHIELD. There was Tony Stark—billionaire and Iron Man and Steve Rogers aka Captain America who spent seventy years frozen in the sea. The man who had almost killed you had you not been supernaturally gifted was called Clint Barton and sometimes Hawkeye. You were familiar with Thor of course. How could you not be? You had grown up reading about gods and goddesses… being one yourself.

“The question is… who are you?” Tony Stark had removed his suit by now and revealed an average-sized man.

“My name is (Y/N)—not a fancy superhero name, I know.”

“And you practice magic,” Thor tossed in with crossed arms.

“Magic? No. I cast illusions. My father was human, like most of you. My mother on the other end… are you familiar with the tale of Persephone and Hades?”

Tony Stark raised an eyebrow. “You’re telling me you’re a Greek goddess?”

“Half-goddess. I prefer the term hybrid.” You usually wore contacts to hide your true eye colour. It was much more saturated than others.

Alarmed, you turned when someone else entered the room. They had taken your crossbow from you just to be sure but to be fair, you could bring it back into your possession in the twinkling of an eye.

“Where have you been, Reindeer Games? We could have needed you out there.”

“Urgent matters.” A smooth, mysterious and dark voice stated simply—mockingly almost. While you sincerely doubted that his name really was Reindeer Games, for some peculiar reason you were dying to learn who he was. Raven hair, blue eyes and those sharp cheekbones… his clothing looked Asgardian, too. He was definitely not human. Neither were you, depending on how you looked at it.

Electricity rippled through you when your eyes met. The strange Asgardian made no move, whatsoever though, to introduce himself.

“You will be…?” You asked with a polite smile.

Natasha frowned suspiciously. “He is…”

“Loki,” he interrupted her hurriedly, dashing you a smile as he did. “Thor’s brother, I am afraid to say.” You laughed when the God of Thunder shot him a playfully hurt glance.

“Well, it is a pleasure to meet you, Loki.”

“She lived on the moon, didn’t she?” Clint murmured.

Tony pursed his lips. “Where did you come from?”

“Egypt. I spent the last six years in Egypt.”

“Right… and what is a Greek goddess doing in Egypt?”

“Half-goddess—and I told I don’t like being called that. I was working with archaeologists and securing sacred artefacts. You know… objects like the box of Pandora.” You winked at him.

The Avengers, so they called themselves, exchanged puzzled looks—almost as if they were in on a secret you were yet to learn about.

“I see. You best stay away from… well. (Y/N), Loki is…” Clint started.

“…determined to show you around.” The God of Mischief interrupted him sharply, directing all of his attention to you. “What is it you can do then?”

“I cast illusions.”

You smirked when his eyebrows rose in an impressed manner and he offered you his arm to make you decide in that moment that you liked him.

-

By now, around three months had passed since you more or less joined the Avengers. They had helped you return the artefacts to Egypt and Loki… Loki and you had found yourselves spending a lot of time together and getting to know one another. He was wonderful. Intelligent, witty, mischievous and thoughtful and even quite introverted when it came to talking about his inner thoughts and feelings. There was something he was not telling you though—something that Thor too was making the Avengers keep silent about.

Whatever it was… perhaps one day, he would be ready to tell you. You were not going to pressure him into anything. You had your own skeletons in your closet—which was why you were beginning to fall in love with him—and the reason your heart almost leaped out of your chest when Steve and Thor returned without him from one of their latest missions which had entailed the words venom, dwarves and drinking water.

You had been against them wandering off on their own and without any backup, especially if something otherworldly was involved. Thor was quite megalomaniac, so you had figured. His ‘that’s what heroes do’ attitude made you want to slap him every now and then. Loki never considered himself as a hero and for some peculiar reason the Avengers never bothered to treat him as such either.

“Where is Loki?!”

They were bruised, injured and covered in blood. You did not even want to imagine what they must have dealt with. The book you had been reading flew over the sofa as you hurried to confront them.

Thor shook his head. He was still out of breath.

“We don’t know,” Steve answered you instead. “He disappeared shortly before the explosion. He might still have been in the building.”

“The explosion?!” You shrieked. “Well, why didn’t you look for him?”

“The dwarves were still there.” Dwarves. If only they were harmless. They certainly looked the part—right until they tried to scratch your eyes out with their tiny and venomous claws.

“Okay, you two, into my lab. Bruce just got back from England concerning the venom, (Y/N), you calm down. Loki goes to ground all the time.”

“Why are you all acting like he does not matter? What is wrong with you, Stark?”

“What’s wrong? He is a fucking crim—“

“Stark!” Thor roared. Indignantly, you shook your head as they hurried out of the room. “Don’t worry too much about him, (Y/N)!” You heard him yell to you. “You don’t know Loki like I do!”

This was starting to get ridiculous. But you had no time to ponder over this—you were way too worried for him, right until something crashed into the living room and broke the glass table in front of the sofa. No, not something. Someone.

“Loki!” Thank the stars. He must have teleported himself out of there. He was covered in dirt and dust, a laceration on his forehead. His blue eyes met yours for only a brief second before the adrenaline in his body died down and he fell unconscious.

The venom. Loki was an Asgardian god. If the dwarves’ venom affected him so strongly… he was sweating, too. With all your strength, you heaved him on the sofa and slid a cushion under his head. None of the other Avengers would be back anytime soon anyway.

You left for only a brief moment, returning with a wet cloth to cool his skin and clean his wound. There was nothing else you could do for him except for watching over him to make sure he healed.

“Loki… get well soon, my king.” He had told you about his desire to claim the throne, to be the first choice for once. He certainly was your king. “Get well soon so I can kiss you.”

Smiling, you gripped his hand tighter, leaning against the sofa. You had always slept like this back in Egypt. You had worked with a young archaeologist only a few years younger than yourself. Your sleep paralysis—something you had not even told Loki about just yet made it hard to restfully slumber at night. She on the other hand had had nyctophobia—fear of the dark. It had been hard to leave her behind, knowing she had become something like a sister. Since then, sleep had rarely come to you… until you had met Loki and now knew you could always spend the entire night talking to him instead.

Holding his hand now and feeling his warmth and his presence filled you with joy. Before you even knew it, you had fallen asleep next to him, kneeling on the ground. Unbeknownst to you, however, the God of Mischief had still been awake the entire time and heard every single word you had said. Kiss me? He thought—the last one before he slid back into unconsciousness.

When he woke again, you were still there, holding his hand. He smiled. It was nice, knowing that somebody cared for him. It made the pain the venom caused as it cursed through his veins a lot more bearable. Tomorrow, he figured, he would be over the worst. And then his smile suddenly disappeared. She only cares for you because she doesn’t know what you’ve done, a scornful voice in his mind whispered.

Loki clenched his fists. He rolled his eyes when he discovered Thor sneakily peeking into the room.

“What happened?” He croaked. It was an unnecessary question, really. He knew what had happened. He was just too weak to nag ‘What do you want’.

“She fell asleep over three hours ago, Loki. I tried to wake her but she refuses to leave your side.”

Loki looked him directly in the eye, his heart skipping a beat. She refuses to leave your side. “Why have you been so keen on keeping a secret from her what I did in New York?” He asked, taking his chance now that they were alone. For once, there was honest curiosity in his voice.

Thor hesitated. Then, he shrugged. “Because you were.” It was all he replied. He understood then. Just this one time, his brainless brother understood why it was so important to him to keep from you what had made him, in the Avengers’ eyes, a villain. He just wondered for how much longer he could keep up the act.

With a gentle smile, Thor turned to leave the room. “I knew you would make it out.” He added before he disappeared. Loki rolled his eyes yet again, albeit amused.

Perhaps it was wrong. He would never find peace living in constant fear that you would find out on your own and hate him like all the other Avengers did. He took a deep breath when you opened your eyes—and for the first time in a long while, he was at loss for words. What should he first say to you? Should he thank you? Ask if you had had pleasant dreams?

“Good morning, my dear.” He eventually opted; to his utter shock, however, your eyes widened. You did not move, not a single inch and yet, your eyes proved you were awake. Did you already know? Had he scared you somehow, or done something in his half-unconscious state?

-

Anytime now they would appear—those pitch black monsters with the long claws and the terrifying red glowing eyes. You had seen them in a film as a child and ever since then, they had become the personification of your fear. Rejection, repulsion, hatred, loneliness… they all meant to grab you. Falling asleep, you had been holding Loki’s hand, so why had your sleep paralysis returned?

The sorrow, you answered yourself. You were worrying for Loki when you fell asleep. Was he still here with you, on the sofa? You could not see him. Instead, over the backrest, crawled the first monster. It stared at you darkly, making your eyes widen in fear and then, out of the blue, another one reached for you from behind, beginning to shake you. Shake you? That was new. They usually never managed to actually touch you, you always brought yourself to wake up in time.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N), are you alright?” Loki. Blinking frantically, you fought hard to move your limbs, to tense and relax your muscles repeatedly to fully wake up. When you finally did, you were met with a very concerned Loki. “What is happening to you? You started screaming at me.”

“I did? I’m sorry…” One deep breath, then two, then three. “I was… nightmare. Never mind. Are you feeling better?”

“A nightmare? That did not look like a simple nightmare.” Loki knew what nightmares looked like. He had them all the time, after all.

“Maybe not. But I don’t want to burden you with that. You seem to be having your own problems.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He spat, sitting up and putting his feet on the ground fast.

“Loki, there is obviously something you are trying to keep a secret from me.”

“So you mistrust me?” He responded with a quiet voice.

“I don’t mistrust you,” you insisted, cupping his cheek. “I just feel like there is something you are not ready to tell me about yet and until then… it would be unfair to rant about my problems instead.”

Loki looked up. Regret was sparkling in his blue eyes—regret along with remorse. You do not even deserve her, the voice whispered.

“I am a criminal.” He suddenly said, the word murderer not quite leaving his lips.

“What? What are you saying?”

“A little over five years ago, I invaded this planet in an attempt to rule it. I was blinded by a promise which could never be held and betrayed not only Thor but also myself.”

“You did… what?” Your lips parted. I invaded this planet.

“It matters not. Thanos is dead now.”

“Thanos? Thanos made you do this?”

“No,” he snapped. “The sceptre, it… I killed many innocent people, (Y/N). It was only a small price to pay for the recognition I sought.” He looked you dead in the eye. “I regret making these sacrifices but at the same time… I do not.” He was torn. You could feel it burning in his stunning eyes.

“Why did you never tell me that?”

Loki scoffed scornfully. “I assumed you would despise me like everyone else if you knew. I took lives, (Y/N). I took lives for my own gain. I am not a hero, I never will be.” And he did not want to be, so you figured. You did not despise him. Quite on the contrary… you were only falling for him more and more. The pain that Thanos had inflicted on him still sat deep. He blamed himself, assuming it was no one else but him who deserved to be called evil and a villain.

Actions might comfort him more than your words could now. So you leaned in, placing your palms on his thighs for balance and tenderly pressed your lips against his. If anything, the God of Mischief was taken aback, still, the moment you joined for a hesitant kiss, his eyes fell shut. With a sigh, he cupped your face and pulled you closer, his tongue asking for entrance almost timidly. For now, explaining to him what sleep paralysis was and how it tormented you at night could wait.

“I don’t hate you,” you breathed out once you parted again, desperate for oxygen. Your lips were swollen—his were too, a little. “I think I am falling for you, Loki Odinson.”

His expression was hopeful, vulnerable even—so unlike his usual cool and confident demeanour. His smile, honest and raw, was contagious.

“I heard you,” he admitted. “I heard you promising to kiss me once I woke up.”

Biting back a joyful laugh, you kissed him once more.

-

A/N: If you enjoyed this story I would appreciate it so much if you supported me on Kofi! ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥

[valkyriesryde]

Release the Hounds {11/?}

Chapter 11: Wine Plays Tricks on the Tongue

Pairing: Persephone!Steve Rogers x Hades!Reader

Chapter Summary: Steve goes looking for Hades as he thinks about all he’s been told and realises that things still aren’t right...

Word Count: 3,532

A/N: WARNING: There is some talk about Cassandra and trigger warning themes in her myth like rape and death though the former is not explicitly said and just a passing piece of fact Well this is long overdue, I really struggled with this chapter, I spent weeks just looking at the document but I’m really happy with how it turned out, we’re getting near the end and these arcs are finally coming to their point, I’m really happy with Steve’s character and how far along he’s come and I hope you guys can forgive me for the long gap in updates and enjoy it to!

Steve spent days wandering the halls of Hades’ home. He explored her library and read about the history of the mortal world through both fiction and non-fiction works. He spent three days going into the fields with the judges and observing and questioning them as they worked. He helped Harley and Charon move souls through the gates in the morning and in the afternoon he would do as he pleased.

Today it was brisk but warm if that were such a thing. The sun kissed his face as it streamed through the open windows but the air bit at his skin when he stepped out of the light. He wasn’t quite sure what to do today. He wanted to see Hades, but that was a constant thought in his head, wondering what she was doing, why he hadn’t see her much since he’d taken residence in the Underworld. 

“She’s just busy, don’t take it personally. There’s a lot she has to do at the moment,” Wanda had said to him when he asked why he’d barely seen her.

“Or do take it personally,” Harley had muttered under his breath with a mouth full of food, the good stuff too, from Olympus that Wanda had made Peter bring just for Steve. 

“You’re not a fan of me,” Steve noted snatching the bread before Harley could get to it, if the only food he was allowed to eat was that from Olympus he wasn’t going to give it up without a fight.

“I’m not a fan of your kind, I’m on the fence about you.” Harley snarked back.

 Steve did take it personally. This entire time, the entire time he’d been curious and asking and learning about the Underworld he’d always been told Hades took a hands on approach. But now she’s hiding in her office and it’s all because he’s here.

The door creaked open and Steve couldn’t hear a sound or see anything out of the ordinary when he stepped into her office.

“Hello? I knocked but there was no-are you here?” He asked the empty room. No one sat at her desk, there wasn’t a paper askew. Yet Steve could have sworn he watched her walk in here a couple hours ago and he hadn’t seen or heard her leave since. “I know you’re in here.”

He stepped further into the office, it was much tidier than it had been the last time he was here, apart from the desk where piles of paper threatened to fall. Behind her desk were floor to ceiling windows of the gates, to its side were towering bookshelves that held all the greats and some not so much. She had paintings and statues, she had her armour sitting by the door on display. It was so different from the rest of her home, it didn’t feel like a home in here, it was a place of power and work. 

Or maybe that’s just what Steve felt. He had the same feeling in his gut as he did all those weeks ago on stage, that same feeling he got when she was near him. Power, calmness, stability. It enveloped him like a hug but it wasn’t as close as it was on stage it was creeping away from him. 

“I can feel you,” he whispered to the empty room, trying to find any clue as to where she was. “I don’t know why but I can feel when you’re near me,” it got stronger until it was all around him and he thought he could feel the air shift by his cheek until it was snatched away. “I can’t explain it, I don’t know what’s happening and I feel like people are keeping things from me.” 

Steve didn’t know why he was spilling this information to an empty room, though he wasn’t completely convinced it was empty. He needed to get it out. He’d bottled up these feelings for years, the feeling that he never knew the whole story, that people were always telling him half truths or that there was always something more to it. 

“It’s like I’m being told bits of the story and just expected to figure out the rest for myself but I can’t!” He was desperate, he just wanted to know why this was all happening. Why was it such a big deal? 

He knew about World War II, he knew about Demeter and Hades’ fight, about how they always went head to head but he just couldn’t shake the feeling in his gut that that wasn’t all it was. Gods hold grudges, that much is true, and it’s perfectly reasonable to expect them to continue hating each other over one event for all this time. But they hated each other before that, from what Bucky had told him that was the last straw, there had to be something before that.

“You know what else I can’t get my head around?” His voice was strangled in his throat, his brows furrowed down as he started to pace the silent office. “Why I’m in the middle of it? I know I’m Demeter’s son, I know that I stood up for you. That doesn’t explain her outburst, she could have just refused, she could have locked me in the garden or on earth. She didn’t have to fight because she has the power, she has always had the power over me.” Slowly, the clues started clicking in his head, events started to make sense. “I know you’re the one person she hates most, I know that she fears you to an extent but none of her reactions or actions are what I expected from her. So I can’t help but thinking, I just- what if- what if it’s me? What if this isn’t about her hatred for you, what if this isn’t about Ares or World War II, it’s not about you sitting on the council. It’s about me, it’s about my interest in you, it’s about how I feel about you.”

A book fell from its shelf suddenly, it lay open on the floor and Steve jumped at the sudden crash before bending down and picking up the book. The page it had opened to talked about Oedipus, a man who unknowingly killed his father and married his mother. Steve knew the story, most did, there was an entire psychological theory based on his misfortune. Although the page the book had opened on didn’t focus on his relationship with his mother. Instead, it talked about the continuing efforts in the myth of preventing prophecy. About how Oedipus was destined to kill his father so was given away as a baby. When Oedipus found out he was destined to kill his father he assumed it was the father he had grown up with, the man who had helped raise him because that’s who he believed his father to be. He attempted to avoid this by leaving home and never returning. But in the end, as the book told Steve, prophecies have a way of coming to be no matter how much we try and stop it, and Oedipus killed his birth father and married his mother just like the oracle in Delphi had told him he would. 

Steve turned the book over and read the title ‘Lessons Learned in Myth’ then the chapter title ‘Why one shouldn’t work against fate’. He stood there looking at the book, mulling over the words, over what it meant. He thought about what he’d been told, the facts that he knew. None directly related to the fates or any sort of oracle or prophecy that he could think of. Except what Bucky had said about Cassandra going to Hades and then him, but that was so long ago surely it was just Bucky reminiscing. 

“…you should know not to take things you’re told at face value” Sam had told him. Was that Bucky trying to tell him something? Was there a prophecy that he didn’t know about? 

“That’s why she kept me in the dark about everything,” he whispered to himself, it made sense, why she wouldn’t let him near the council, why Demeter tried to make him hate Hades so much. “Its her and I, there’s a prophecy with Hades and I and Demeter doesn’t want it to happen-“

A crash came from behind him and Steve jumped and dropped the book. He spun on his feet and was met with Hades’ helmet clattering and spinning on the floor, the door wide open. She was here! Though Steve had no time to register that has he ran after her.

“Wait!” He called and caught her in the foyer. He grabbed her wrist and she turned to face him, panic in her eyes but anger behind them. “I’m right aren’t I?! There’s a prophecy with you and I and that’s why everything has blown up because it’s happening! Isn’t it?!” He was angry and he didn’t want to yell at her but by all the gods he was fuming at how he’d been kept in the dark by everyone he loved, he was betrayed. 

“She shouldn’t know of its existence, this doesn’t make sense!” Hades pulled her wrist out of his grip and ran her fingers through her hair, she paced in front of him mumbling, “theres now way - only Loki and Bucky and - Thor must have - but he swore -“

“HADES!” He yelled and her mumbling and movement stopped as she looked at him. 

That’s when it clicked for her, she’d memorised the prophecy years ago, she’d spent centuries thinking of the possibilities, of what each line and each word could mean. She had a strong feeling Harley was right about the first line. 

When the wind is still and the air is cold, the sun will shine in Hades.

It was still spring in the Underworld and with every day it got warmer and the northern hemisphere of the mortal world got colder. It made perfect sense though that the words Cassandra had repeated wouldn’t be in order of events. She broke it down in her head, each line until she found what she was looking for and she whispered it into the air between her and Steve.

“But the daffodil will grow through the cracks of the grave.” 

He looked at her like she was the Hydra and had grown two more heads.

“Tell me the truth, the whole truth…Now.” He said through gritted teeth and she nodded her head and pulled him out the door. 

“I will, now, on the way.”

“Where are we going?” Her fingers laced with his and he couldn’t help the floating feeling in his stomach when she tightened her grip for a second with no sign of letting go. Was this real? Was what he feeling real? Was it a romantic attraction towards her? Or was it just this prophecy? 

“To see a girl.” 

Cassandra. A priestess, a daughter to a king, a victim of Troy, and a victim of Apollo. She comes from a famous family, her brother, Hector, was a Trojan hero during the Trojan War. Her father was King Priam of Troy. She herself is also famous in antiquity, believe it or not but it isn’t often that gods fall head over heels for humans (attraction is different from affection). So the girl who Apollo fell for is always a tale to remember. She was, and still is, clever and sarcastic beyond her looks though still beautiful as ever. Bucky tried during the years of the war to catch her eye, he would send her gifts, he would find her watching the carnage and try and talk to her. She never relented, Cassandra had no eyes for the god, at least not in the way he wanted. With one final attempt he offered her his greatest gift, the ability to see the future as it was to be. 

Yet she still refused his hand, her loyalty was to her family and Troy, they couldn’t be together since he was a god and she was just human. So Bucky got angry and instead of taking her gift away he let her keep it, but no prophecy she told would be believed. He said she pulled him along, that he tempted her and lied to her, entertained his feelings towards her without ever having the intention of actually being with him. She told him he deserved it, she took a vow of chastity and even as a priestess of Apollo, she would not be his. He told her she deserved what she got and hoped this would be a lesson to never toy with one’s heart again. 

It wasn’t Bucky’s proudest moment…

She was seen as mad by her family, every time she warned them of the war, of Paris and what he and Helen would bring to troy she was pushed aside and ignored. Eventually, it did drive her mad, she was angry and violent towards Helen as she knew that she was to blame for the destruction of her home. 

When she warned the Trojans about the wooden horse and the fate of herself and others they ignored her. Every single one, Odysseus’ journey home, Aeneas’s escape, Agamemnon’s death, all of them were disregarded. When Hector died she became more frantic and frustrated, she cursed the name Apollo. She became suicidal, attempting to burn the Trojan Horse herself since no one believed her. When Troy fell she sought help from Athena, and hid in Natasha’s temple and Natasha had to witness the brutality and wrath that the Greek hero Ajax thrust upon her, even the goddess who was an ally to the Greeks wept for Cassandra. Until she died violently with Agamemnon. 

Upon her judgment at the gates of the Underworld she was deemed worthy of Elysian fields and followed Pietro to her new home as a hero and devote prophet. Her dedication to what is right and to the gods proved her worth. Her curse did not carry over to the Underworld, Hecate made sure that curses made on the living did not affect the dead. However, her gift of fortune wasn’t a curse, and so it slipped through the cracks and she now found that she was able to see the future and those around her that would listen believed her. 

It took some time, for a long time she hated her gift, it had brought her nothing but bad luck and she ignored every prophecy, she ignored the visions of Caesar and the Roman Empire, the crusades, she ignored it all. Until she saw Hades. 

Cassandra didn’t know the man with her, she didn’t recognise the location they were, she felt the cold of the snow on her fingertips and she saw the droplets of gold on the ground. The words played in her head and she knew she had to tell someone. So she ran to Pietro who ran to Hades who ran to Bucky who claimed she was wrong. Until he remembered the curse and until she showed him the vision. That’s when Thor and Loki were brought in, that’s when Sam and Wanda were told about the prophecy that Cassandra had seen. 

Hades told Steve all of this on their way to Cassandra in the Elysian field. She told him that those that knew made a vow not to tell anyone else, that no one needed to know unless absolutely necessary. 

“How long has Demeter tried to convince you to hate me?” Her pace slowed as they neared the lush grass and could see Pietro in the distance already with Cassandra. 

“For as long as I can remember, it definitely became more apparent after World War II but I figured that was just because of-“

“That’s possible, but I think she knew before that. She was angry at me before I even appeared at the council, before that day. He must have told her before that. Cassandra, meet Steve, god of Spring,” Hades let Steve’s hand fall from her own as she introduced him to the prophet that started this all. 

“The daffodil,” she smiled and Steve was confused for a second until he remembered what Hades had said and realised that he was the daffodil, in the prophecy and on the gates, it was a symbol for him. 

“Why did you call us here Hades?” Pietro asked as Sam and Wanda joined them. Cassandra sunk into Pietro’s side in the presence of the gods around her, Steve noticed how frightened and small she was even though she tried to appear as anything but. 

“Demeter knows about the prophecy.”

“What?!” the judges exclaimed but Hades attention was on Cassandra.

“This is very bad my queen,” she whispered, she was pressed against Pietro’s side now but he wasn’t fazed by how her body tried to slip through his. 

“Is there anything else you can tell us Cassandra? Anything at all?” She bit her lip, she hadn’t told her about the snow or the dripping gold, she’d only told Bucky as she feared what it meant. She couldn’t fathom the idea of her queen dying at the hands of another god, or even him, Steve, god of spring who was destined to be with Hades. Cassandra refused to think of the possibilities.

“No, I’ve told you everything I know. If he is here,” she nodded towards Steve, “then the prophecy has already begun, if his mother knows this too… all we can do is let it happen.” 

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Sam said warily and Pietro and Wanda both nodded in agreement. 

“We just let it happen?” Steve asked out loud, he remembered the book, the lesson it was open to, ‘Why one shouldn’t work against fate’ but he didn’t care right now. He was sick of his mother getting in the way, he was sick of her controlling him, maybe Harley was right not to like Olympians, they’d been nothing but cruel to Steve too. “I won’t stand by and let her wage war, we have to make a move!”

“No,” Hades held his hand as she spoke softly, “that’s not how we do things here, we don’t fight unless we have to-“

“and we have -“

“No.” Her voice was stronger now as she turned to him and held his eye, “we are not her, we are not Olympians here, I’ll go to Thor, I’ll tell him what we know and he can choose how to punish her. If you want, you can stay here, live here, you can still do your duties from the Underworld. But we don’t fight.”

“You’re wrong,” he told her and the judges and Cassandra who were watching the interaction gasped, no one spoke back to the Queen of the Underworld. “I’m an Olympian…” Steve thought for a second, he looked back at Hades’ home that stood tall above the fields only a two minute walk away and he thought about the pile of food from Olympus that Peter brought for him because he couldn’t eat- “but not for long.” 

He stormed towards the house with determination, it took a minute for them to figure out what he meant but when they did they were running after him shouting for him to stop what he was doing.

“What are you thinking?!” Sam yelled.

“Steve no!” Wanda called as he entered the house.

“Steve stop and think about this, you can’t go back on this decision!” Hades told him as he stood under the window in the throne room in front of the bowl of fruit, his hand grasped the pomegranate. 

Peter had been bringing food from Olympus for Steve because if anyone who isn’t from the Underworld eats food from this daft place they’re stuck. They become locals with the souls, gods of Olympus become gods of the Underworld and heroes become soldiers of Hades. That’s what all the books said, that’s what Steve knew to be true. He knew his place, he felt strong here when Bucky felt weak, he is not the same. He is not just an Olympian, that may be where he is from but that does not mean it is who he is.

“None of you were worried I’d become weak here,” he pulled open the fruit in his hands and the juices slid down his palm, “because you knew that I was meant to be here.”

“Steve,” Hades took a step towards him, she feared what he was doing, this was rash, especially after the information he’d been told today. 

“I’m not an Olympian.” He bit into the fruit, it was sour on his tongue but it was perfectly ripe and almost addictive. One bite though, that’s all he needed. When he swallowed, at first he didn’t feel anything. They watched carefully, Hades ran up to him, her hand gripped his back and she tore the fruit from his hands. Steve coughed once, twice, but that was it. He felt fine, different but only slightly and still very much the same. 

But the daffodil will grow through the cracks of the grave.

Chapter Twelve: Let it Come to Fruition

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[agent-of-sam]

Favorite Thor Ships: Part 1

Out of all the MCU, the Thor movies are my favorites.

It helps that I'm a multi shipper and all the women in Thor's life are awesome. So I want to do some posts about my favorite Thor ships. And I’m starting with my personal favorite: Thor/Sif.

                                                      Totally biased, I've been quietly rooting for Thor and Sif to hook up since 2011 and no matter what direction the story takes Thor x Sif will always be my favorite potential relationship.

Obviously, part of this is just because I have a massive crush on Sif, the character, and Jaimie Alexander, the actress. I love her...why?

Lady Sif is sort of the MCU equivalent of Wonder Woman, an immortal who combines strength and nobility with a sense of warmth, compassion, and emotional openness. 

She doesn't get a huge amount of screen time but comes off as an incredibly well-rounded character, especially in a genre where many female character are assigned valued based on how well they can mimic the traditional cliches of male Action Heroes.  

Sif is able to switch from playful and cocky, to stoic and serious, to gentle and supportive, depending on the situation (as benefiting a literal goddess).

In other word's, she's Girlfriend Material of the absolute highest quality! 

Beyond that, I love that she's so high-key Romantic in her feelings for Thor. Having your Badass Warrior Princess character mournfully pining as she gazes across a crowded room at her lifelong friend, her eyes brimming with unspoken feeling... it's exactly the kind of over the top, melodramatic bullshit that I love about the Asgardians and their weird alien/pseudo-Shakespearian/mythic warrior culture. 

At the same time, she's never fawning in her interactions with Thor. They banter like old friends and flirt in mid-combat. 

Sif tries to counsel him when she thinks he needs perspective or patience. 

She advocates for him when he's not around.

To me it's a very romantic set-up, a long-term friendship based on loyalty and mutual trust with the potential to develop into a very deep relationship. (Though, flipping it around, I can definitely see how female viewers might not appreciate their Super-Hero/Immortal Warrior Woman power fantasy character being portrayed, pining from the sidelines for several centuries).

Plus, their dynamic has this tropey, genderswap thing going on. A Fantasy Prince and his Loyal Female Knight. Except the Fantasy Prince is a giant Viking Immortal with a magic hammer and he and his girlfriend ride into battle side by side which is both hot and romantic to me.

Of course the downside  to Thor x Sif as a relationship (also maybe what makes it appealing)... is that it's all potential. As far as we know, Thor is either unaware of Sif's feelings or does not reciprocate. Which is weird because Thor generally comes off as a very socially/emotionally aware guy... at least in the context of Asgardian society. 

One of my favorite things about Thor is that he's confident but honest and genuine as well. He never comes off as a "ladies man" i.e someone who puts on a smooth, crafted persona specifically to interact with women. 

However, he clearly seems to be aware when women are attracted to him (Jane Foster, the woman in the subway)...so how come he doesn't seem to notice the very obvious torch Sif is carrying?

My personal headcannon for this is that they either casually dated as adolescent (whatever age that is for Asgardians) or came very close to it. But then Frigga and/or Odin stepped in, took Sif aside and basically told her to hold off because they thought she had the potential to be a good queen.

Before his time on Earth, Thor was reckless, arrogant, impulsive, and quick to violence. He wasn't ready to be a king or a committed lover. And so Sif was encouraged to do the responsible thing and wait. 

The irony being that by the time he had matured into the person he was supposed to be, he had met somebody else.

To me, there's something there that mirrors the fall of Asgard. Why not wait? They're gods after all, there's always going to be more time.

Then Thor gets banished and comes back different. He's met a mortal woman and doesn't want to be king anymore. Frigga, who Sif always thought would be her mother-in-law one day, is dead. 

Thor goes searching across the universe and then Odin sends her away from Asgard. And when she finds her way back even her home is gone. Her people live on Earth now, or at least the fraction of them that still survive after Hela, Surtur, and Thanos. 

Thor is gone again, traveling through space with a bunch of mercenaries she’s never heard of.

Maybe I'm just projecting because I want someone in-universe to mourn Asgard and everything those people must have lost in what must seem like a very short amount of time to them.

I always thought Thor x Sif had the potential to be a very stable, well-rounded couple. However, given Thor's general arc in the first two movies  it would have seemed a little off, thematically speaking, if he ended up with the immortal warrior princess/long-time friend that his parents wanted him to get with all along.

However, post-Ragnarok/Endgame I think there is a lot of dramatic/narrative potential to a romantic reunion between Thor and Sif, someone who knew him before everything started and can see how much he has changed. Maybe someone he didn't realize how much he cared for until she was gone. 

For her it's a second chance at something she thought was lost, a piece of her past that's come back damaged and different but still worth fighting for.  

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Obviously, this is all conjecture. There's no guarantee that Sif will return in Thor 4. As a shipper part of me is hoping for it, however as a fan of her character I'm also worried about her being crammed in and either sidelined or mischaracterized by the those behind the scenes.

If she shows up in the Loki show, that's more screen time and room for character development. 

However, I'm not hugely interested in Loki's show and depending on the direction it takes I'm not sure that it will play to her strengths as a character. My dream scenario was for Sif to have her own Xena-style high fantasy adventure (with Thor showing up in a supporting role) but that’s seem very unlikely.

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Anyway, I'm a multi shipper and I'm planning to do more of these for Thor x Valkyrie and Thor x Jane. I just wanted to get my fave out of the way first.