#how nokia failed

[xovera-toz]

That's it.

I'm moving into the middle of the woods far, far away from the electric devil.

...The walkman's coming with.

[monamipencil]

— right here | j.ww

⋆ pairings; wonwoo x fem! reader ⋆ genre; smut, stalker themes, angst, fluff, 90s! au ⋆ w.c; 2.9k+ ⋆ warnings; stalking, a brief non-con talk (doesn't actually happen), masturbating (m.&f.), almost phone sex, stealing of panties, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, he's a bit toxic and an idiot, he's a law student, reader's parents are mentioned as strict and conservative ⋆ a/n; yeah... tried to make it dark and failed miserably. and yes wonwoo reads kafka and you can't change my mind.

stalker! wonwoo who also loves horror movies and hence loves to pull little pranks on you.

“so, gotta boyfriend?” his voice is distorted by the voice changer before it reaches you on the other side. he sighs dreamily, eyes focused on your figure as you cook dinner.

you're not wearing any pants, just an oversized shirt. even though he knows your answer, he waits for you to reply. you blow the soup before tasting it, your landline phone pinched between your shoulder and ear.

“why do you ask?”

wonwoo smiles, leaning against the tree in your backyard. it's almost the same age as you. he knows that. he also knows you live with your parents 'cause they want to protect their little girl from the world. and that you're all alone for tonight, and you share his taste for horror movies.

you move around the kitchen, occupied with the dish. “'could take you out on a date,” he suggests.

you roll your eyes with a scoff, but a small part of you wants to entertain the idea. the idea of going on a date with your digital fling for 3 months does sound enticing. you let the idea sink in as you stir the contents of the pot.

wonwoo groans when you lean your elbows on the counter, giving him a perfect view of your ass. the navy blue underwear, or is it black? he squints his eyes and looks closer. whatever it is, it has him rock-hard beneath his pants.

“did you stub a toe?” you ask with amusement to which he laughs. your visage changes when you realise what he could be doing on the other end. “wait, what are you doing?”

“what do you think i'm doing?” he smirks, watching you move off the counter and closer to the phone body. you twirl the coil cord with your fingers and bite your lip.

“I don't,” you take a deep breath, “know.”

he pulls a cotton underwear from his blazer pocket and presses it to his nose, inhaling your scent. his cock twitches with need, and he suppresses a groan. holding his wireless Nokia 6110 between his shoulder and ear, he undoes his jeans.

it's freezing cold outside, and the risk of mosquitoes is high, but he simply doesn't care. wonwoo pulls his cock out, hissing at the cold air biting his tip. he wraps his fingers around the base, lazily stroking it before wrapping his cock with your underwear that went missing a couple of days ago.

you're at a crossroad in the kitchen. a part of you basks in this debauchery, and the other knows that this very well could be some middle-aged pervert or some 12-year-old messing with you.

“you're so pretty, princess.” he grunts into the phone, hips bucking into his hand.

“you don't even know how I look like..” you trail off, lowkey turned on. wait no! he could be an old man, ew.

he chuckles, eyes darting towards your figure leaning back on the counter with your pouted lips and knitted eyebrows. “maybe..”

wonwoo presses your panties on his tip with his thumb, teasing his slit. his breath quickens and worry looms over your features at his silence.

“you don't know the things I want to do to you.”

you roll your eyes again with a sigh. “really? i wonder what it could be.” the boredom in your tone amuses him.

“I want you to sit on my face,”

a scandalised gasp erupts from your throat before acting nonchalant again. “oh yeah? what else, ghostface?” your breath falters, and your stomach flips. you don't even want to think about what's happening between your legs.

“I'd slowly kiss down your body and make you come undone in all ways.”

well, shit. your legs snap close and bite your lips to stop any embarrassing noises from spilling out. the logical part of you drowns in the wave of horniness that hits you. wonwoo doesn't wait for you to speak and continues.

“I want to strip you bare and make love to you.” his hand movements quicken when he sees you slip a hand down your panties. he sucks in oxygen like he's deprived of it. the cold bites at his skin and his breaths turn foggy, but the thought of you warms him from inside.

your thoughts muddle, and any common sense is thrown out the window when you feel your arousal sticking to your panties. you can't offer him many words, and it brings you embarrassment at how easily you fold. to keep up your facade, you scoff into the speaker but wait for him to speak up.

but the line disconnects, filling you with disappointment and wanting. you place the phone on the cradle and sit down on the floor. the disappointment doesn't deter you from touching yourself to the thoughts of him. you wonder how he sounds in real life and imagine him doing the things he spoke of.

your toes curl as you apply pressure to your clit, rubbing it incessantly. your other hand plays with your nipples, pinching and rolling them over your t-shirt. you try and try but can't climax. you pull out your hands with anger and annoyance.

burying your head in your knees, you think of blocking him but realise he's probably using *67. the hiss of the boiling snaps you back to reality, and you stand up in a hurry to look at the food. you groan, looking at the sad-looking dish staring back at you.

the telephone rings, piling up on your irritated state. “what?” you bark, teeth grinding and knuckles turning white.

“come outside,” a low voice tells you.

“what?” you repeat, softer this time. before the gears in your brain could turn, you find yourself at the front door, turning the knob. it feels like whiplash when your eyes land on the person outside.

“wonwoo? what are you doing here?”

now, why the hell was your ex-boyfriend at your door? and wait.. is he your ghostface?

the possibility—possibility? it's the fucking truth. he's the one who's been calling you anonymously for 3 months and filling the hole in your romantic life. the very hole that he left.

he looks the same—almost the same—but then you notice the faint ring of dark circles, the tiredness in his eyes, and, is that your panties hanging from his blazer pocket?

it doesn't take long for your pent-up emotions to flood your senses and suddenly, you're pulling him in, and locking your hands around his neck. you press your lips to his and let his hands wander your body.

 “wonwoo, fuck!”

you throw your head back on the handrest and tug at his hair roots. his tongue laps at your cunt, and his nose brushes your clit as you lay fully bare on your couch. wonwoo’s grip on your hips holds you down while he slurps and sucks on your hole, tongue prodding inside every now and then.

his soft lips mold with your pussy lips, and his over-grown hair tickles your inner thigh. his hungry eyes meet yours before he pulls away with your fluids glistening on his skin. he ascends on you like a predator sizing up its prey. your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him down.

the soft material of his t-shirt presses against your burning skin, and you feel cold without his warmth. “off,” you huff, tugging at the cloth. he obliges with a smile. soon he joins you on the couch, and feeling his bare skin on yours elicits a variety of emotions from you.

you’re ready to break down and cry but also have the urge to slap him along with the cauterizing need to have him inside you. he stills for a moment, silently looking for reassurance to go ahead. you tilt up your head, kissing him softly and breathing him in. you forgot how intimate it felt to share your breath with another.

wonwoo kisses your forehead and moves back, positioning himself between your legs. “condom?” you croak.

“I don’t have one.”

eyeing the hesitant look on your face, he continues. “I haven’t slept with anyone … after you.”

you crash your lips against his, tongue pushing past his lips. you moan wantonly, and the noises of wet kissing reverberate through your eardrums. you card your fingers through his lush black locks and tilt your head, kissing him deeper and slower.

your core pulsates as his hands rediscover your body. goosebumps rise on your skin when his thumb brushes against your hard nipple, and you shiver, feeling his cock on your thigh. you gasp for air, pulling away. his hands brush down your back to your ass, kneading the flesh beneath his fingers.

wonwoo leans back on the handrest, helping you to position on his cock. you sink down on his cock with his help. you moan in unison when you bottom out. his raw cock kissing your insides sends a flurry of tingles through your body.

you grind down to stimulate your clit. shameless moans escape your lips when he thrusts up, balls slapping against your ass. his hands make a home on your hips as he continues drilling his cock inside you. you throw your hands around his neck, pressing yourself against him. you don’t kiss him but place your lips close to his, and with every moan and whimper, your lips brush against his.

you lose yourself in pleasure, in the way his cock splits you open and in the way he sucks on your nipples. one of his hands moves down to rub your clit as he keeps sucking on your nipple. he moves to the other one, swirling his tongue around the bud.

your body trembles with stimulation, and you bounce on his cock harder, desperately chasing your high. wonwoo detaches from your tits to press a hot kiss against your lips. you moan against his lips, feeling the coil in your stomach tighten with each thrust.

his tip kisses your insides, and your arousal forms a creamy ring around the base of his cock. you're way too gone, lost in the warmth of his hands and the depth of his onyx eyes.

a certain thrust and the rubbing of his hand has you trembling above him. your legs give out, and you rest your head on his shoulder, trying to catch your breath.

“I can't—I,” wonwoo shushes you and repositions his hands on your ass, gripping it as he thrusts upwards into your cunt. the sheer force of his thrusts makes you whimper and dig your fingernails into his broad shoulders.

“wonu,” you draw out his name as your face contorts in pleasure.

“yes, princess?” the nickname never fails to fluster you, and the rich timbre of his voice sends a shiver down your spine. he leaves hot, open-mouthed kisses on your neck and chest.

“please, I want to—want to cum.”

he nibbles on your earlobe, wetting the skin with his tongue. “mhm. but bad girls don't get to cum.”

“bad girl?” you whimper, “but I didn't do anything!”

“y'sure, princess?”

“yes!”

“you started talking to a stranger on the phone. yes, it was me. but you weren't aware.” you whine when he slows his pace to a stop. you clench around his length, chasing for some friction.

“you started locking your windows. I thought you liked it when I used to climb into your room through your window—”

you cut him off, “you broke up with me for your stupid friends!”

“and.. I left it open for the first few days after you left...” your voice reduces to a whisper.

“I'm sorry, princess.” he starts. “but it seemed like you moved on with your little church boy,” he hisses through his teeth, voice lacing with venom.

“joshua is my friend.” you hiss back.

wonwoo clicks his tongue, hating the taste of his name on your tongue. the chances of you kicking him out if this keeps up are high. so he changes the topic.

“y'k how badly I wanted to climb into your room? to take off your blankets, and push aside your panty. you would like that wouldn't you?”

“for me to have my way with you while you're asleep? even if you wake up, you'll let me hit it like a slut, right?”

your pussy flutters around his cock and you whine, hitting his chest. wonwoo smirks and leans into your ear, “dirty, dirty princess.” his voice drops an octave.

“I was peeping on you all this time. you wore my shirts, princess? love me that much? hmm?”

you hide your face in his shoulders but feel his smile radiating through his voice. “fuck you.”

“you are,” he grips your hips, pulling out halfway before slamming his cock back in. your slick arousal drips down your thighs, uncomfortably. his cock stretches your gummy walls and the coil in your stomach tightens.

it's hard to adjust to his animalistic pace and you're overwhelmed. lust and passion clouds your senses and the coil snaps. the orgasm crashes over you and your lewd moans fill the room. your body trembles above his and you grip onto him for dear life.

your first orgasm in three months is mind-numbing. wonwoo continues to thrust, chasing his orgasm. he grunts when you violently clench around his length, forcing him to cum.

warm ropes of cum decorate your walls and the wet sounds of sex halts as he pulls you closer. he rests his forehead on yours, sharing his breath with you.

by the time you calm down, you're flooded with shame and the reality of what just happened. his arms and the sound of his heartbeat is no longer comforting. removing his arms around you, you stand up.

you hiss and clench your thighs at the ache between them. his essence drips out of your hole down your thighs, a reminder of what you just did.

wonwoo sits up, worry filling his system as he watches slip on your t-shirt and move away from the couch. he wants to say something, but what can he say? hey, sorry for leaving you and stalking you. 'think we can get back together?

he cringes at himself and watches helplessly as you move towards the vinyl record holder. you pull out a vinyl he recognises and place it on the player.

‘The Chain’ by Fleetwood Mac fills the room, and you walk back to the couch, sitting with space between you two. the soft strum of guitar and drums calms his nerves.

“why?” you fiddle with your fingers, refusing to look at him as you ask. he sighs and shifts a little closer, t-shirt covering his body and glasses back on. “I,” he sucks in a sharp breath.

“I had doubts about … us.”

“I didn't think we'd work out and my friends seemed to agree. I—I'm sorry.” he holds his gaze down with shame.

“it was stupid, i know. but I thought our differences won't work out.”

“how can you decide it before anything actually happens?” you bark at him, your heart clenches with frustration.

“I—”

‘and if you don't love me now, you will never love me again’

wonwoo cringes inwardly. who would have thought that the song he used to dance with you to would represent his life now? he cannot find words to express what he wants to say. two years of majoring in law and literature down the drain.

he simply moves closer till his thighs press against yours and leans his head on your shoulders. “did you only miss me for my body?”

“no!” his defense comes a bit stronger, and he hugs you closer. “no. it's not like that. I missed you.”

‘I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain’

you take his face in your hands, kissing his lips softly. but you break it as soon as your lips meet and drag him upstairs to your room. your grip on his tighter, harsher, like you're trying to prove a point.

wonwoo doesn't protest that he's naked and lets you drag him away. reaching your room, you pull him inside and show him the stacks of books lining your nightstand.

he adjusts his glasses and squints at the books. he saw you buying books and reading them almost every night. he wondered how your conservative parents suddenly allowed you to read books, let alone ... law books?

“law books. I fought with my parents and bought them, just so that we could talk about it because I don't know shit about law!”

you're sobbing, tears cascading down your cheeks, and he feels his heart skip a beat or two. his eyes dart towards the other books on your shelf, Sherlock Holmes and Kafka, his favorites too.

he pulls you into his arms, hugging you tightly. he smiles at your faux protests and holds you softly.

wonwoo doesn't tell you but he has his own collection of Fleetwood Mac vinyl records lining up in his shelf. he bought Delta of Venus and A Spy in the House of Love, even though he doesn't like the vulgarity of the books you secretly read.

he holds you closer, and for anyone who looks into your windows, they'd only see the silhouette of a single person. your sobs quiet down, and he whispers soft apologies into your skin.

and wonwoo discovers that love is simple after all. love is reading Law and Kafka in your moonlit room filled with '60s rock music.

tags; @seungkwanschicken @aaa-sia @dokyeomkyeom @bangantokchy @jespecially

@asyre @armycarat2612 @bewoyewo @gyuguys @embrace-themagic

@aaniag (send an ask to be added on the taglist!)

[nortsauce]

Phoenix Wright Learns How to Drive

The fic idea i had that I will never write

Had like the stupidest Au in the world. i’ll already tell you “I am not phoenix wright” is so WACK but atleast it has like a cohesive story.

my other au was “Phoenix Learns to Drive” and it goes like this:

It was gonna be a fic of everyone constantly berrating phoenix for never getting a drivers liscense in the city of LA / sanfransokyo / japanifornia

(Which, if you ever lived in a big city, you know is asenine bc most of driving consists of sitting in traffic while two yahoo’s argue about the round of bumpercars they played on the freeway.)

So he finally gives in and takes the permit test and then the drivers test.

and shit goes OFF THE RAILS.

His first lesson behind the wheel started normal, until it turned into that episode of teen titans go where Robin tries to learn to drive only to find out he’s been the getaway driver for a bank robber instead (Got the robber arrested! Failed the test.)

the next lesson has him driving away from an accidental flood of (???) from an exploded factory that gets him and the test car and the teacher into the ocean (They got out alive! Failed the test.)

another test has him in a whole ass other state helping people escape from a group of killers/the mafia/the cartel you name it he’s accidentally helping them. (Got them to safety! Failed the test.)

In another test it has him driving into traffic only for the bridge to explode and he quickly opens the test car to house all of Trucy’s school bus friends and clown car their way out of there carnage (Saved the kiddos! Failed the test.)

Another time he crashes the car into a getaway driver that edgeworth and interpol were trying to arrest leading him to save the day but STILL fail his drivers test. (Got the bad guy, tho! still failed the test.)

Yes all of these are failed attempts at him passing the drivers test but inadvertently helping his friends and family out

• Like, accidentally transferring all of the Gavinners’ band setup to the show when they forgot it and he mixed up the cargo truck for his test car

• crashing into the courthouse and knocking out a witness who was about to harm Apollo/Athena

• Getting lost and finding his way to Kurain Village just as a fire is raging and getting the people to safety while he calls the fire department from his crappy Nokia

• Reluctantly driving Larry away from a bad date

etc. All of these failed attempts at passing the drivers test had him accidentally helping his friends and family out as he’s actively having the most embarrassing worst days of his life

It all comes to a head when all of phoenix’s friends/family get kidnapped by some bad guy in a fortified truck while Phoenix is about to finally pass the behind the wheel test. He has to make a quick decision to make a U-turn and pursue the trucker himself at an epic high speed chase in his shitty test car. All the lawyers inside manage to lockpick their way out of there truck’s back end and jump onto and into phoenix’s shitty car. As they are driving away from the assailant, phoenix utilizes all of the lessons he learned in driving school (the most unrealistic part about this i know bare with me) to get everyone back to safety, leading the trucker to the cops just in time. And ofc the car just gives out lol.

At the end, phoenix gets his license, and then Trucy asks “So what car are you gonna buy? :3”

And phoenix decides to put his license in a frame and continue to never drive again.

The End!

🚗💨

[yourfavanxioussunshine]

“i should be studying” BUT THE INDIAN ARMY SAID BOOM 💥 SO NOW I’M HAVING A NATIONALISTIC MELTDOWN INSTEAD

I know I’m supposed to be studying right now. My end-semester exams are breathing down my neck, and my notes are lying open in front of me, untouched for the past two hours. But how am I expected to focus—how is anyone expected to focus—when the Indian Army just conducted Operation Sindoor?

bro. BRO. THE NAME. “Sindoor.” Not just a military op, but an emotional uppercut to avenge the widows of the Pahalgam attack?? That’s not warfare, that’s poetic justice with a side of ballistic missiles and I’m LIVING FOR IT!!!!!!!

Indian Army: conducts precision strikes on nine terrorist-linked targets in PoK Me: sobbing, saluting, punching the air, knocking over my coffee mug, failing my exams but winning at patriotism.

Pakistan: threatens retaliation Global community: nervous peace noises Me: holding my tricolor and vibrating like a Nokia in 2003

and now I have 3 tabs open:

notes I’m not reading

wikipedia page on Operation Sindoor

my rapidly deteriorating sanity

I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling. A kind of sharp, defiant pride. It’s not bloodlust. It’s not warmongering. It’s the feeling that someone finally said: enough. That justice, or at least something close to it, wasn’t just spoken about in parliamentary debates or editorials—but enacted, precisely, purposefully.

I should be memorising case laws right now. But my thoughts are with a widow somewhere in Pahalgam, who might have woken up today to the name ��Operation Sindoor” echoing through the news. I hope it brought her something—solace, recognition, maybe even a sliver of closure. I hope it meant something.

So yes, I will get back to studying. Eventually. But tonight, I needed to feel this. To witness this. To let it shake me a little. To cry a little, maybe. And to remember that sometimes, history happens right outside the margins of your syllabus—and you’re allowed to look up and watch.

I may flunk this semester but at least I’ll flunk it knowing India clapped back with strategic, emotionally devastating precision.

[strangelittlestories]

“So how did you capture the demon?”

The wizard unholstered her tablet, a battered android covered in cheap stickers of arcane sigils.

“I drew a binding circle on Canva, popped the grimoire on kindle, then had it read the incantation via text-to-speech.” She flicked on the lock screen and a furious demon face appeared, screaming silently. “It's stuck here for now. I just have to remember to keep the WiFi off so it can't get out.”

“Clever.” The librarian flicked a switch and a bookcase swung open to reveal the torch-lit cavern of the restricted section. “But we'll need to find a more permanent prison.”

“We could stick it on a SIM and transfer it to another device.”

“It’d need to be something reliable.”

“Yeah, something that'll run forever. If the power dies or the software borks, the wards will fail.”

“And it'd need to be durable.”

“Damn near indestructible.”

“I’ve got an old Nokia 3310 in the archives, I think.”

“Perfect.” The wizard grinned. “Plus, it'll be able to play Snake.”

“Should keep it occupied for a century or two, yeah.”

---

Enjoy my stories? Consider supporting my live show! https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/poor-life-choices-at-the-edinburgh-fringe

[bengiyo]

Ben's Big BL Blurb 4: I Hope I See Jay Sorathon Again

New year, new blurb. Time to reflect on a few shows finishing, talk about some new shows, and see where we're at in January.

Haunted Hearts Sucked

Final Verdict: 5.5, Not Recommended. Y'all don't need to watch this weird mess of a show. Despite joking about "devirginizing" its lead multiple times, it was so chaste in the end. It also did some weird world shenanigans I was not feeling. The leads are supposed to be in another Oxin Films project soon, so we'll see if they're better there.

Caged Again Flopped

Final Verdict: 6, Recommended Only For Jay Sorathon. This one really hurts me, because I genuinely loved the first half of this show. Jay Sorathon as Junior was one of the most refreshing experiences I've had in a while. This young actor is charming in a way that felt different, and I found myself enjoying every scene he was in because he could deliver what he was asked to do. However, the show generally failed to do much with most of its themes, and I think it was a real waste of Nokia and Jaonine as a pair. There were interesting themes about how Junior and Sun wanted different things out of their relationship that didn't get resolved, so all of their skinship felt disconnected from the big themes they were teasing out.

I am sad that I cannot really recommend this as a complete viewing experience, but I do not want that to detract from how much I enjoyed the entire cast's chemistry. I just cannot pretend that this show didn't peak at the gif used above before floundering completely.

An Apology to City of Stars

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended. I skipped this show originally because I was overloaded and unmoved by the first episode. However, this show was actually one of the most consistent narratives we've had about the consequences of fan culture, sponsorship, and commercialization of queer actors we've had this year. Unlike Only Boo!, this show inflicted real consequences on Feuang for coming out to the point that he essentially had to change careers (which happens to real actors all the time, going back as far or further than William Haines).

The leads also kept having sex after getting together! A novel experience! I loved that Krom had almost no swag, and Feuang fell for him entire on family photos and his mom gushing over him. He really won as a tech worker. Watch this if you're interested in seeing a show with clear ideas about the entertainment industry and are willing to deal with some weak acting.

Our Youth Left Me A Bit Wanting

Final Verdict 8: Recommended With Reservations. I wrote my write up for this already, and will say here that I like parts of this show a lot even though I wasn't fully satisfied by the viewing experience.

See Your Love Got All The Important Things Right

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended for the Mains. I will admit that I didn't much care for the side couple, but I loved Shaopeng and Sean's relationship. I loved that this wasn't a story about fixing someone's hearing so they could be in a romance. I also love that one of our final scenes in Shaopeng's dad telling Sean's dad to go fuck himself. The leads reminded me of Jimmy and Tommy from Why R U and I loved their work together.

Love in the Air Koi Was a Genuine Delight

Final Verdict: 9, Highly Recommended. I liked it a lot. I think new and old fans will be able to enjoy it. I have high hopes about cross-cultural adaptations as a result.

Love is Like a Poison Was Spectacular

Final Verdict: 9.5, Highly Recommended. I had so much fun with this show. I love that this show blended multiple genres together, and I loved that Shiba was always in a legal drama. By blending this together this way, the show supports the idea that the different ways we love and see the world are not incompatible in relationships. Shiba and Haruto are one of the best couples we had this past year, because they each made the other better, and they each add something to their relationship. Also, this show was actively horny the entire time. Run, do not walk, to support this show (if you can) on Netflix.

Fragrance You Inherit Was The One of the Kindest Shows I've Ever Seen

Final Verdict: 9.5, Highly Recommended. Thanks to the constant efforts of @isaksbestpillow we were able to enjoy this incredible show. @twig-tea already wrote a great review. I will be thinking about Sakura and Touki for years. I will just add that I really loved that Hoshii was just a goofy dude that loved the women in his home. He respected both of them, and was just so happy to be included in their shenanigans. I cannot overstate how much the episode where we met him properly kicked this show into overdrive for me. I loved that he was a good dad and husband and that it was clear his wife and daughter felt safe and happy around him. I loved that this show was about kind people doing their best.

Okay, on to the currently airing stuff.

Your Sky is Faltering, but I Still Like It (8/12)

Look, I am just not keen on the Oh redemption arc. I'm also feeling the show dragging its feet at this point. I also am not sure what the relationship between the various sides are contributing to this story. That being said, I continue to enjoy the chemistry between the leads, and I am looking forward to seeing their dating era. This show has been riding the line on the bubble, and I am curious to see where it lands.

Ossan's Love Thailand (1/12)

I've grown to love Ossan's Love over the last year, and so I was cautiously optimistic about this adaptation. I don't think the humor is as tight or zippy as I would expect, and I think the branded pair component is hurting some of the initial setup. I also feel like the shower scene shifted in a way that doesn't entirely work. In addition, making Kongdetch a widower slows down his dramatic development. I'll check in again next month.

Call Me By No Name Started Weird (1/8)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

This show got off to a moody and somewhat intriguing start. I am looking forward to our little gamer's interactions with this possibly-fey creature for the coming weeks. It's difficult when the show starts coy.

When It Rains It Pours Has an Uphill Battle (1/7)

I am personally interested in the journey this show wants to go on as what will more than likely be a double cheating narrative. I like that the show started with boy guys in relationships they feel a bit frustrated with due to a lack of intimacy that is being actively ignored by their respective partners. I'm also intrigued because both partners seem like they're overall committed to our leads. This one started off in a mild note, so I'm curious how it holds audience attention. Still, both leads had sad masturbation scenes, one explicitly remembering when his partner used to fuck him, so it has my attention.

That's all for now! I'll check back in with one of these in a few weeks and we'll see where we're at.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's Wild Out There but the Kisses are Good

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

NOV 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - I’m really enjoying this show. But I will be glad when it ends next week. I’m ready. The motorcycle rescue in the middle of the kidnapping sequence was so absurdly bad I actually laughed. Meanwhile, in the hospital room did you notice Q’s dad used chan/nai with Min? I actually gasped out “oh, mad respect “ when he did. Papang it’s so damn hot, could he PLEASE get the lead in a BL? Please GMMTV.  

Love Sick 2024 (Sun iQIYI) ep 9 of 15 - I like Earn’s sincerity and open admission in the new version, and I like how genuine and delicate Noh is coping with someone crushing on him. Probably because he knows how painful it is from the other side. The conversation between Phun and Aim was much better and more kind in the new version, too. I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here. 

Every You Every Me (Mon Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - I like this couple a lot, and not just because of all the sex positivity. I just enjoy their dynamic of artist and musician, introvert extrovert. Anybody wondering about that “up against the window blurring thing” with the shirt off the shoulder? That’s a very very old yaoi trope (mostly office yaoi from the early 2000s) that I haven’t seen in a long time. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it in Thai BL…… wild. 

Meanwhile, let the weird interweaving of the filming crew begin. The show within a show that we all suspected was due is now happening. I’m not sure about that. (I worry it will be some clumsy commentary on pair branding.) But how hot does Fiat look these days? 

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 7 of 16 - I really don’t like the second storyline. It find it unpleasant. I also don’t think the chemistry between Maxky and Bas is good. In fact I begin to suspect Star Hunter should cut Bas lose. Yes I said it.

Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 1-2 of 10 - Penguin escapes zoo by turning into a human. Gets trapped in a boys school and a panther falls in love with him. How does a penguin know how to read? OK I’m not gonna try to figure out the logic of this show. There is none. Do I like it? Not sure. I’m not mad about the dynamic or the setting but the main foundational conceit is…… odd. It’s not uncommon in BL, the “my cat boyfriend” thing has been done for many years now. So I know what to expect. It’s not that. Or is it? I do like how the actor playing Junior looks a bit like a bird. I also like how the actor playing Sun really does behave like a cat in his social interactions, it’s funny. I think…… I’m not wild about this so far, but I like it better than I thought I would. Love seeing Jaonine & Nokia in any form. 

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT?) ep 3 of 24 - I just don’t like Arc and Arm. Sorry not sorry. However, I do like the sides and future couples. So I’m sticking with this one. 

Jack & Joker (Mon IQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - Because I heard this episode was really rough and the world is a mess I gave this one a miss this week. We’ll see if I’m up for it next week.

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) 12 eps - (starts tomorrow) A naive freshman and the campus’s popular senior agree to pretend to be a couple - but their fake deal begins to generate real feelings.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Damn Business (Korea Sat YT) ep 7 end - Ooooo counter lift!!! And caught in the act. Very nice. It was a really good final episode and an absolutely fantastic kiss.

In summation: 

Two men work their last few days together at a failing company. I like this but I’m not sure I should like it. This is a classic office romance, short even for Korea, with more than usual workplace harassment (even for BL) in the guise of aggressive pursuit from older boss to younger employee. (The optics are NOT good.) It reminded me of Jun and Jun only shorter, colder, and with more dub con. Now, I happen to be one of the few who truly loved Jun and Jun, it’s very much my style of KBL. I think that’s part of why I liked this one so much. But I suspect that might have given this show too much shine by association. Still, eminently rewatchable and it’s nice to have Korean IP drop on YouTube. 8/10 

Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 2 of 11 - Another one that is about abuse, but for some reason I don’t mind it as much as I did Let Free the Curse. Maybe it’s Japan? Maybe it’s the disinterested nature of the director’s lens? This show is examining the inclination of teenagers towards spectatorhood out of fear, while simultaneously giving us a contrived spectator’s perspective with its style of the filming. For example: there is a lot of shots in alleyways and looking in and out of apertures (like doorways and windows) at Hirukawa. He’s often seen from a distance, because Minase thinks of him as distant and somewhat like a specimen. It’s very clever and what I expect from Japan. But it also makes me feel distanced from the characters and their story (intentionally, I believe) which means it’s less raw than Curse, and a lot easier for me to watch. In other words, I am observing this BL, not living it. But that’s the point. And because of that, I’m also liking it. But I’m extremely wary. Japan never drops a kiss early on in a series without some serious trauma to follow.

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 13 - I love them all very much. Carry on.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 12 - So far as I can gather it was episode five that got this one censored and kicked off the air in China. So now we are in unchartered (and presumably only lightly censored) territory. Honestly? I have no idea how they get away with what they get away with these days. Onto the actual meet of the show. I don’t think the teacher should be flirting with the kid if he’s gonna blow hot and cold like that. He is ostensibly the mature one in the relationship. Although if he’s flirting with a child, that is clearly not the case. I get the conflict of the main characters a bit more. Because it’s all about class and the risks that you can take with your identity depending on how much autonomy you have in society. 

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 8 of ? - Basically this is just a narrative about bullying. And I’d like to get onto the revenge portion of the program, and that doesn’t seem to be happening anytime soon. I do love that Dat asked for permission to kiss. Consent is very sexy. Also it was a good tentative careful cautious timid first kiss. The actors are older but it felt high school. (Although apparently Bach entirely kissed away Dat’s injury.) 

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 9 of 12 eps - Gosh I really do like this couple. And I like the legal proceedings. But I’m worried about whether this show is going to end well. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Frankly I didn’t want LITA the original, so I’m pretty sure I don’t want the Japanese cliffs notes version of LITA. It’s somehow softer, which I wasn’t expecting from Japan. But I don’t mind. The brevity and softness are improving matters, IMHO. I continue to unequivocally loathe the wardrobe department. I’m offended on the actors’ behalf. 

Eccentric Romance (Korea Weds Viki) eps 11-12 end - An odd and somewhat lackluster piece about two college friends, one Thai and one Korean, who get together and become boyfriends while investigating murderer - each speaking in their own language. Neither the BL component nor the murder component was well executed or engaging. It’s not terrible, but that’s no ringing endorsement. "Odd yet still somehow forgettable" is probably how I would put it. 6/10

It's airing but......

Love for Loves Sake got some kind of special supposed to air 11/9. Not sure what, why, or where. Only the rumor that it...... is. I'll believe it when I see it...... literally.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - I DNF'd at ep 7, I couldn't make it. I am weak. Life is hard enough right now, this show is making it harder. It’s not what I want from my entertainment.

Secret Love (Sat YT) 10 eps - Another take on my beloved stepbrothers trope. Adopted into a rich family, boy falls in love. But when he is made the heir instead, everything goes wrong and he leaves. Now enemies the two boys reunite in uni.

DAMN IT! This is airing but in two minute increments on a proprietary app that’s mostly for Android, and it’s already up to episode 11. I’m not wild about this style of distribution, so I’m not gonna bother unless somebody cuts it together as a full piece. Although I do adore the premise.

Bad to Bed (Taiwan Sat YouTube) 10 eps - This is a little too low production value even for me. And just very very odd. DNF

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

November BL still to come:

11/20 Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai Weds YT) ?? eps - Criminals who meet in prison fall in love

11/20 The Heart Killers (Thai Weds Gaga) 12 eps - Jojo directs FirstKhao & JoongDunk in an action romcom about assassin brothers (Khao & Joong) who meet a tattoo artist ex-booster (First) and a mechanic (Dunk). I'm highly amused that Joong plays the older brother to Khao and that we have a take on the Taming of the ShrewBL. I like that everyone is morally gray. This has all GMMTV's best chemistry in one BL and some fresh concepts that I've only seen tackled in m/m romance novels (check out Amy Lane's Racing for the Sun, thank me later). I'm excited. My only quibble is Jojo, I like his style but his characters can get unreliably messy so…... this gonna be interesting.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

Apparently I have feels about wardrobe departments this week, because, to use an old fashioned term, this look on him absolutely slaps. (Love Sick)

It's rare for Thai BL to beat out JBL in the fashion department.

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[lillaydee]

Uncoupled - July

Roommate! Joel Miller / Reader

Two people leaving their marriages ended up going through the mandatory one year separation together before filing for divorce.

Nothing could possibly happen in a year, right?

WARNINGS: Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), No age gap, Roommate Joel, Teacher Joel, Handyman Joel, Insecure Joel, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning.

SERIES MASTER LIST

The Uncoupling

---

You switched your phone off after calling Eddie, telling him you were out. Throughout that five minutes call, notifications and incoming calls kept appearing on your screen, driving you nuts. Eddie and his wife Annie were elated, telling you to not bother unpacking, their scheduled move was looking to be right on schedule, and you were moving in with them. No questions asked, not taking ‘no’ for an answer. Your niece was extremely excited; she had been given a basic modern Nokia since she was starting pre-school in autumn, the phone only had three numbers in it – Mommy, Daddy, and Beans. She had been calling you non-stop, asking you what you were doing and how many days were left until you move in with them. Annie had already threatened to confiscate the phone – the bill was shocking for a five-year-old with three contact numbers in her basic ass phone with no Wi-Fi or internet connection.  

Tess and Frank had run out when they saw you park, eyes scanning the surroundings in case Max decided to follow you. You didn’t know why they thought that; the man was no James Bond. He was never going to come after you like that. Inundate you with phone calls? Maybe. But follow you? Nah… You’d need balls to do that, and you doubt he had any, despite being a man. You were greeted by Bill, Frank’s husband, as soon as you walked in, the stoic man hugging you tight, telling you he was proud of you for leaving that wimpy ass man. Frank shushed him before he could get too worked up. True, he had called Bill over to be a guard dog, just in case, but now that there was no threat to be seen, he didn’t want the man raising his blood pressure for no reason.

The three of them helped you set up your office, rearranging some things around so that you could be more comfortable. They had all offered their places for you to stay at while Eddie was still not here, but they lived with their partners in two-bedroomed houses, one of the rooms an art studio for Frank and an office for Andy, Tess’s girlfriend, who worked from home, so if you were going to end up on a couch anyway, might as well be in the privacy of your office. At least you could cry about your failed marriage alone. The bakery had a security system, and the PD was just around the corner, so you did feel safe being here, not to mention having a bakery meant waking up at ungodly hours to prep, so now, at least for two weeks, your commute was much shorter.

Actually, even after Eddie had moved in, your commute would still be short. Eddie bought one of the old houses from one of the first residence area when the town opened, which was just behind the school field a couple of blocks away. Somehow, he managed to find one that hadn’t been renovated at all, the couple who lived there a bit nostalgic about the place, having lived there all their married lives until the husband passed last year. The wife sold it at a steal, being sick and childless, having decided to move to a retirement home now that she was all alone. Andy was a real estate agent, and managed to tip Eddie about the sale, and he got it at first offer. He had all sorts of plans for it down the road, when he and Annie could build up their savings again.

According to Andy, the house was in great condition, clean and ready to move into. It’s just dated. You hadn’t seen it, too busy distracting yourself from thinking about your husband’s dalliances back then. Oh well, you’re sure Eddie made the right choice, the dependable, responsible man that he was.

The three insisted they stayed with you until dinner time, Andy arriving a little after closing with some Chinese. As depressing as the whole situation was, you were glad you had these people with you in your corners. You would have been in theirs too, if you’re honest. Frank and Tess had been your friends since college, taking the part time classes together. They had been working in the corporate world all their adult lives, making good money, but could feel their sanity waning. So when you told them your plan to open a bakery, they jumped at the opportunity to invest. Frank soon quit his job and took cake decorating classes, his first love being art all along, now designing gorgeous cakes for special occasions all over town instead of buildings, and Tess quit her job as a lawyer soon after, realizing that letting her frustrations out on dough had better repercussions than doing so on her bigoted and misogynistic colleagues.

So now, all three of you spent your days baking, decorating, chilling together in the bakery, the two of them making significantly less than they did before, but with much lower blood pressures.

Naturally, the subject of what happened at Jen’s house came up. You told them about your talk with Joel and the lovers’ reactions when they realized you were there, all of them looking scandalized by the happy couple’s pleading and begging. Really? Beg for what? Hmph!

They had all known Max for years, saw his change from the start. They saw first hand what he had put you through, and there was no doubt in your mind that they hated him for it.

“Oh! Joel said he liked our rice pudding! He said he bought them a lot. Joel is the mistress’s husband, by the way, if I wasn’t clear before.”

Tess, Andy and Frank sat up straight.

The teacher from the school? Tall? Broad as heck? Beard? Moustache? Curls for days?

Honestly, you had no idea who was asking the questions. You didn’t even know if he’s the same person they were talking about. You didn’t even know what he did for a living. Bill was the only one who seemed as in the dark as you were.

“Er… I don’t know for sure… but… yeah, I guess?”

Oh. My. God.

It was all three of them this time. Frank, Tess and Andy.

“What?”

“Max cheated on you with RPH’s wife?” Frank looked as if he wasn’t breathing.

“RPH?”

The three nodded enthusiastically.

“Rice Pudding Hunk. He comes in every day. Only buys rice pudding. Best 10 minutes of the day.”

Tess and Andy nodded again.

Bill’s head snapped towards his husband. “Rice Pudding what, now?”

“Oh, Bill, the guy is totally hot.”

“Super-hot,” Andy chimed in.

“Ridiculously hot,” Tess finished.

All three of them took a long, deep sigh, staring dreamily out of the bakery window.

Okay… you rolled your eyes and began fishing for broccoli in your Chow Mein. You were trying hard to get one particularly juicy, sauce-covered looking one with your chopsticks, your tongue out in concentration.

“So, did you get his number?”

Huh?

“Why would I get his number?”

“You know, share sob stories, vent, maybe… release a certain… need together.”

“What?”

“Hey, he’s really, really hot!”

“I have eyes, thank you.”

“So?”

“So, men looking like that do not go for women like me. You should’ve seen his wife. She looks like a Victoria’s Secret model, if they were only slightly taller than me. If plain old Max who had known me most of my life could find reason not to be attracted to me anymore, why the heck would someone looking like Joel want someone like me?”

“Hey, you’re totally cute.”

“Super cute.”

“Ridiculously cute.”

You rolled your eyes. So sweet of these people. But everyone knew what ‘cute’ meant. It meant ‘not hot’, that’s what it meant. You seemed to recall people questioning if Max, who by any measure was average looking, was really with you. To the general public, you were not even attractive enough to be with someone average looking.

That night, after they all left, you found yourself lying in the dark unable to sleep. For the first time since the age of 15, since you and Max became an official couple, you were alone. Did you even know how to be alone? Sure, you’d technically been alone since Max stopped paying any attention on you, but now, you’re really, truly, alone. You looked at your ring finger, the ring tan line still visible despite taking the ring off weeks ago, which Max hadn’t even bothered to notice.

Even having dinner with those four, tonight, it felt different. All this while, when you would be the fifth wheel to the two couples, you had never felt like the odd one out. You were in a couple too, but your supposed other half stopped hanging out with your friends once he found his new, fancy, hoity-toity ones. But you knew you had a partner, as absent as he was. It made you feel better, somehow, knowing you had him somewhere. But now…

You reached out for your phone and finally switched it back on.

As soon as the coverage was up, oodles of notifications came swarming in, about 100 from Max, and another 50 or so from a number you didn’t recognize, which, judging by the initial text, was Jen’s.

Max’s messages began with question marks, and then actual questions asking you what the fuck were you thinking? And then full-on raging at you for daring to leave him. Who were you to leave him? Who would take you now? Did you know how lucky you were that he even deigned to look at you? What man would take you? You were nothing without him. He’s leaving you, how about that? How did it feel to be dumped? Huh? The rage turned to bragging about what he and Jen were going to do now that you were out of his life. He could not wait until the year was up, so he could marry her.

And then, within the space of seconds, according to the time stamp, the bragging turned into pleading. Please reconsider. Please come home. The house felt empty without you. Please baby. Come back. Please.

By the time you finished reading his slew of texts, which ended with a big fat fuck you, you were exhausted. How you wished you could just block him, change your number, but Tess advised you not to do that, even her former colleague who you went to for advice told you not to. Keep the texts. The voicemails. For the divorce. So you settled with muting him for now. Maybe one day you’ll just get another number and keep this one just for him to call you every name under the sun at. But until then, muting would have to do. You switched the phone back off and went to sleep.

Huh. Who would’ve thought reading texts from your soon to be ex husband would make you feel better about being single again. He had been a huge presence in your life for half your life. You were fucking terrified, yes, but oh so glad that you left.

You wondered what Joel was feeling at that very moment. Was he sleeping soundly? Or was he just as terrified as you were to start fresh?

**********

Joel sat in his truck for what felt like hours when he got to Tommy and Maria’s. They were both not home yet, and even though he had the keys, he just felt like an intruder, going into their marital home without them being there. He rubbed his face, trying to calm himself. He had made the mistake of opening the first slew of texts Jen sent him when he got there. The texts, which started with her pleading for him to pick up her calls soon became nasty. One in particular stuck with him.

‘Where would you be without me, Joel? Huh? Who’s gonna take you in? What woman in their right mind would take a cuck like you in their lives? Women need strong men, Joel. Providers. Leaders. Not you. You couldn’t even feed me if you tried, Joel. You didn’t even leave when I told you I wanted to fuck other men. You are weak. Pathetic. Whoever you were running off to, Joel, would be a downgrade compared to me. So go, you pathetic, limp dick of a cuck!’

A cuck. That’s what she called him. A cuck. Because he didn’t run amok when he found out about her infidelities. Because he wasn’t making enough money. Because he didn’t assert dominance in their marriage.

It was as if he would lose either way. If he had been controlling of her since the beginning, he could just imagine the shit she would’ve called him. An abuser, a manipulator. When he didn’t, he’s a cuck. There was no winning with her. Did she even love him?

And yet, when she started begging, hugging his leg, he could feel his heart soften for her. This was the woman who used to tell him she couldn’t live without him. Even after everything she had done to him, hurled at him, he found himself unable to be rough with her. She was still his wife. The woman he tried his mightiest to make happy. As miserable as she had made his life these few years, there was a time he went hungry just so he could buy her an engagement ring worthy of his love for her. At that moment, when she tearfully clawed at the door handle of his truck, begging him to stay, he really thought he might cave. Until you drove by, beeping at him, snapping him out of the reminiscing his traitorous heart was making him do.

His phone had been vibrating non-stop since then. Calls, texts, voicemails, the likes. He couldn’t bring himself to look again. If they’re just more of her calling him whatever colourful names she could think of, he didn’t want to know. If they’re just more of her begging and pleas, he didn’t want to cave. He knew he needed to let this go.

Maria knocked on his window, asking him what he was doing outside. It’s boiling out here. Come on inside.

She helped him carry his stuff inside, despite his protests. They had turned her office into a room for him, an old futon from her old apartment all made up for him to sleep on. She asked him if he needed anything else and he shook his head, thanking her for letting him stay. She squeezed his hand in response, her heart broken for this gentle bear of a man. She’s making dinner, she told him. Take your time and come out when you’re ready, okay?

Joel sat on the futon, seriously wondering how life was going to be for him now. His phone was still vibrating incessantly, a number he didn’t recognize now joined in on the texts. He got up and asked Maria if she knew how he could mute someone. She had advised him not to block Jen, all the texts and voicemails could be evidence for the divorce. He was so thankful for her for her advice during all this. She had recommended a colleague of hers to represent him, pro bono. He owed her a favour, she had told him. He had asked her not to do that, but Tommy told him there was no use arguing with a lawyer.

It took her seconds to mute Jen for him, and that other number too, as she suspected that it was the guy she was with, going by the texts. He thanked her, rolling his sleeves to help her with dinner, despite her protests. Please, he said, let me at least do this for you, taking the knife from her hand and began chopping the onions she had started chopping.

He told Maria and Tommy what happened when he went to pick up his stuff during dinner, both of them scoffing at her dramatic clinging to his leg, begging him to stay. Hmph. Stay for what? Joel swore Maria’s eyes rolled up so high he couldn’t even see her irises at one point.

They had known Jen for a long time and saw how much she’d changed. They saw first hand what she had put him through, and he was quite certain that they hated her for it.

Thank God he had them in his life.

“So, the wife, what’s her name?” Tommy asked.

“Why?”

“She hot?”

“Tommy!” Maria smacked him on the shoulder.

“What? They’re kindred spirits. Their partners are already going at it, why not them? Doesn’t have to be anything serious, just… you know, for… stress relief.”

Maria closed her eyes, opening them again to give Joel an ‘I’m sorry’ look. Joel laughed, shaking his head.

“I just moved out, Tommy. I have no time, nor the mind or will to think about stuff like that. And she’s exactly in the same boat as I am, so, no.”

“But she is, hot?”

“She’s cute. She owns that bakery that sells those rice puddings near the school. Lil Beans?”

“Lily? Lily Williams? Jen is cheating on you with Lily William’s husband?” Maria shrieked, getting Tommy all excited that she had known you.

“What? You know her babe?”

“She’s my client. I’m handling her pending divorce. She’s Tess’s best friend, you remember Tess? I don’t think you’ve met but I’m sure I’ve told you about her. She used to work with me. Oh, she’s totally cute. Adorable as a bunny rabbit.”

“Tess?”

“No, you muppet, Lily! And she’s so nice, too. And a great baker. You should try something else at that bakery apart from the rice pudding. Everything she makes is delicious.”

“Yeah, Joel, you know there are other desserts other than rice pudding? You can’t keep having rice pudding you know. Explore a bit.”

Joel and Maria were quiet for a bit.

“Are you still talking about rice puddings? Or something else?” Joel asked Tommy.

“Look, brother, you are a loyal man, and that’s a good thing. But being loyal to Jen got you here. Maybe, now that you’ve left, you need to explore a bit. You’re a single good-looking man, there are others for you out there. Maybe Jen doing this with that guy is kismet. Maybe you and Lily should… you know, talk. Share experiences. Be ‘friends’,” Tommy did the air quotes, winking at his brother.

Joel scoffed and continued eating. Max made more than double what Jen did. Jen made sure to tell him that. If Jen could make him feel like a useless wimp for not being able to afford fancy holidays to take her on, what would you think of him? You must have been accustomed to a certain lifestyle being married to a man like Max, why would you lower your standards for some primary school teacher making pennies such as himself?

Joel went back to his room once he cleared the kitchen with Tommy, wanting to give his brother and his wife some alone time. He’s used to being the third wheel with them, but now, somehow, it just felt… off. For whatever reason, being the third wheel when he himself was in a couple felt different to now. Now he just felt like he was intruding.

Fuck. He’s single again. This was alien to him. He’d been with Jen for half his life, literally. Fifteen years. It’s all he knew. Even during those times she treated him the way she did, there was an ease in his mind knowing that he was not alone. But now, he just felt… lost. He looked at his ring finger, the tan line still there despite taking his ring off months ago, not that Jen noticed.  He was a married man. He liked being married. Even now, knowing how miserable he was, he missed it. He missed having the routine of going home to someone.

Oh well, maybe it’s not meant to be.

He laid on his futon, taking the book he had started the day before to read. He could hear Tommy and Maria laughing at something they were watching on TV. He remembered the times he and Jen used to do that. God, what an idiot he was. He tried so hard, so many times to take her back to those times, remind her what they had together. It took him so long to accept that she was no longer interested in that life. She was no longer interested in him.

As relieved as he was that he left, he was terrified by what he was about to walk into. Could he be single again after all this time?

Sigh.

He wondered what you feeling at that very moment. Were you sleeping soundly? Or were you just as terrified as he was to start fresh?

**********

“Oh God, Eddie, was that door a time machine?”

You couldn’t believe your eyes. The house looked like it was stuck in the past. The wallpapers, the cabinetry, the bathrooms, the carpeting, all of it, it was basically the 70s.

“Shut up. It was cheap, it has room, and we could change things over the years,” Eddie was defensive, although you could see the glint of excitement in his eyes, his arm snaking around Annie’s waist from behind, hugging her so tight the woman squealed.

“Eww… Beans, make them stop. They’re always doing that!” Ellie shouted from the piggyback you had her on. You could just see her face then. So dramatic when it came to PDAs from her parents.

“Hey, you came from one of these, so you’re not one to complain, missy,” Eddie told her, making Annie slap his arms.

“Beans, what’s he talking about?”

“Nothing. Forget you heard that,” you told her, taking her to your room to unpack whatever small amount of belonging you had.

Annie had gone all girly auntie lady on your room, ordering the most princessy bed she could find at Ikea for you. The white metal kind with swirls and florets all over the curved and stylized headboard. She had been disappointed Ellie didn’t want one for herself, opting for the simpler black metal day bed, so she took her frustrations out on you instead. She was so happy to know she was having a girl, dragging you around the mall to buy every pink stuff she could find every time she and Eddie was in town to visit you. She was so deflated when Ellie grew up to not like pink at all, but being the awesome mother that she was, she let Ellie choose anything she liked.

And you? Despite your personal feelings about that bed, you were just thankful you had one at all. So you were not going to complain.

It took the three of you a whole week to unpack. As soon as the last box was flattened and placed with the recycling, you treated them all to a wonderful dinner at the fancy steak place in town, splurging as a thank you to your brother, his wife and their kind consideration for you.

You sat in the backyard with him as Annie tucked a sleepy Ellie in bed.

“Thanks Ed, for taking me in, I don’t know how to thank you,” you told him.

“What? Of course you do. I expect good dessert every day, thank you very much.”

You laughed out loud, feeling ever so grateful you had him in your life.

“You bought a nice place, Ed, it’ll be an awesome forever home someday. Once we fix it a bit. I promise I’m not gonna take too long to find another place, okay?”

“The fuck are you talking about? You’re staying. End of. Until you find yourself a man, one who can actually take good care of you this time, and I’m not talking about money, you are staying here with us. Annie agrees. We’re not taking no for answer. Plus, you want to tell Ellie her only aunt would rather live somewhere other than across the hall from her? I don’t want to do that. She’ll hate me for life.”

“Come on Ed, I can’t impose on you forever.”

“Nuh uh, nope. Listen to me, Beans, you’re family. We’re all each other has. Mom and dad would rise from the grave if they knew we live in the same town and not live together. You want to risk that?”

You laughed, laying your head on his shoulder.

“Plus, the house was gonna be yours anyway, if something happened to me and Annie.”

You lifted your head off.

“What are you talking about?”

“We finalized our will. If something were to happen to both Annie and I, you get the house, and custody of Ellie.”

“What the fuck, Ed? Why would you talk about something like that? It’s not funny!”

He gave you a very serious look.

“I’m being serious. We have a child, we have to think about these things. And we don’t trust anyone but you to take care of Ellie. You would take care of her, wouldn’t you? Like she was your own?”

“Of course I would, but I don’t like you talking about shit like this Ed. It’s not funny. If you die before me, I will kill you. You understand?”

Your eyes were filled with tears, the prospect and thought of him leaving you was just too much. He pulled you into a side hug, kissing your temple.

“Promise me you’ll stay alive Ed. What would I do without you? Don’t even talk about shit like that to me. Promise me, Ed. Promise me,” you sobbed.

He pulled you into a full hug, letting you sob into his shoulder.

“I promise Beans, I promise.”

**********

The bell to the front door of your bakery jingled. Tess yelled out that she would be right out, and for whoever it was to browse first. She was washing flour off her hands when you told her you’d take this one. Ellie’s voice was already piping up behind the counter. Who are you? What’s your name? What are you doing here? Why are you so old? Why is your face like that? The male voice that was trying to answer didn’t stand a chance – her questions were incessant, one after the other, like bullets.

“Ellie, what are you doing? Are you trying to scare my customers away now?”

“Hi, it’s you. Lily, right?”

Oh… it’s him. He’s here. You were always in the back when he dropped by apparently, you had no knowledge of the RPH until they told you.

“No, It’s not Lily. It’s Beans,” Ellie answered for you, standing on a chair so she could see over the counter, arms crossed on her little chest, her face a bit sceptical of Joel.

“Ellie, stop it. He’s a customer. Be nice.”

“It’s okay, really. I don’t mind. Hi, I’m Joel.”

“You are a man, right?”

Er… where were you going with this, Ellie?

“Last I checked, I am.”

“You have balls?”

“ELLIE!!!”

“What? Daddy said all men have balls. Except Max,” she looked at Joel and told him outright, “Daddy calls him No Balls Max.”

Oh dear God.

“Good to know,” Joel laughed, giving Ellie a fist bump, and then pretending to hurt his hand when she bumped it with her tiny fist.

Tess came out and gave Ellie a high-five. Good girl, she said, come on, let’s leave your auntie Beans alone with RPH. Bye old man, Ellie yelled as she followed Tess to the back.

“RPH?”

“Feel free to ignore them. Hi, what can I get you?”

“I’ll have the rice pudding and the egg tarts please.”

You got what he asked for, apologizing profusely for Ellie’s potty mouth. He laughed it off.

“That’s a smart kid. She’s gonna be a ballbuster one day. I take it that’s your niece?”

“Yeah… she starts pre-school in September, so until then she’s here with me while her parents work. It’s part of my lease agreement with my brother. And I cannot wait until she’s in school lest she runs all my customers off with her mouth!”

He laughed again, taking the paper bag, digging in his pocket for his card. You waved your hand at him. They’re on the house.

“You don’t have to do that,” he said, offering you his card anyway. You waved it off, telling him it’s a thank you for being there for you that day the two of you moved out. You were sure things wouldn’t have gone as well if he hadn’t been there.

“I’ll pay you back somehow,” he promised you, putting the card back in his pocket. “Thanks for these Lily, or Beans, apparently?” he looked at you questioningly, a curious smile on his face.

Your phone rang in your office. A story for another day, you told him. He nodded and tipped his proverbial hat at you, thanking you once more before leaving the store. You rushed to answer your phone.

“Hello, this is Officer Matthews calling from the County Medical Center, may I speak to Ms Lily Williams please?”

“Yes, this is she.”

“Are you related to a Mr Edward Williams and Mrs Anne Williams?”

Oh God.

“Yes, they’re my brother and sister-in-law.”

“Ms Williams, I’m sorry to inform you…”

The rest of Officer Matthew’s speech was garbled. You were under water. You couldn’t breathe. You dropped to the floor, Frank rushing in, his face panicked, asking you what was going on. Ellie came in after him, her face was the only thing you saw, despite Tess and Frank being right there next to her.

Frank took your phone off your hands, as you pulled Ellie in for a tight hug, hoping that you would soon wake up from this nightmare you were sure you were in.

---

August

[cupcakewebkinz]

i beg of thee feed us more shellevision headcanons they are so silly- 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😔🙏

YOU WANT MORE KAI SILLIES??? REALLY???

I'm more than happy to oblige.

I have thee silliest headcannon that Shelly thinks Nokia phones buried in concrete are "technology fossils" and she shows them off to Vee thinking she found really good things when she didn't. Vee just accepts it, she knows she'd hurt Shelly's feelings if she doesn't, though she finds it VERY funny that Shelly thinks technology is that old XD

Vee has done research on ammonites just because Shelly is one and they're her favorite fossils... Just because Shelly is one. When asked about her favorite dinosaur, she'd probably blurt out "Shelly" sometimes as well, Shelly is absolutely her favorite dinosaur but that's NOT what she's being asked. She has no true favorite, but she'd probably say something really basic like "stegosaurus" just to get people off her ass for being way too gay for her fossil wife

Shelly learned everything she knows about technology from Vee, including hacking. That dinosaur will hack the systems if she is provoked enough, just because Vee taught her how to do so. She probably hacked into the official Gardenview email address after it's closure just to try to email Shanon... Poor girl goes crazy without her hander there to bounce the Dinosaur Autism around with. :(

Shelly would absolutely wear neutral colors most of the time, mostly because they hide the dirt from fossil hunting the best. She also constantly smells like dirt. Vee doesn't give a shit, she loves her dirt smelling dinosaur wife. That and Vee probably just smells like metal if we're going to be honest, she only wears a bowtie cannonly... She has nothing to hide her metal smell with. That's okay though! Nobody minds!

Vee plays with her antennae when she has strong emotions, often like how humans play with their hair. She will yank them when she's stressed though, Shelly is trying to get her to stop that one. She's failing.

Vee sometimes, very rarely, acts like a curious little kid around Shelly. My god does Shelly EAT IT UP; answering every single question Vee asks her without a doubt. Vee has no experience with the outside life so it mostly happens when they come across something new that's not in Gardenview and wasn't introduced to her there either. She's secretly a really curious robot, and Shelly is one to love answering questions and talking about things, so her questions always get answered.

Shelly and Vee would have pillow fights. No additions. They absolutely would go to Shelly's room just to have a pillow fight. Shelly let's Vee win all of them because she just wants to hear Vee laugh, and she laughs the most when she wins.

Do you want more than these, non? I have plenty more I just have to eat dinner giggle

[vylad243]

Any headcannons for your Radiostatic? :3

Always!

Alastor has anxiety, and sometimes it gets so bad he hallucinates

Vox managed to make Alastor listen to new music. He lost cuddle privileges after he played some really questionable ones

Vox tried and failed to teach Alastor slang

Vox did indeed get Alastor a Nokia

Alastor is scared of it before it threw it at someone once and knocked them out while the phone was fine

For their wedding, Vox leaves open a chair for Alastor's mom. It was a surprise and Alastor was really touched

Alastor didn't realize how much red he was wearing. He though he was wearing brown because he's colour blind

Vox refuses to let him change the colour of his clothes because 'you're committed now'

Vox is a bottom

Alastor doesn't need to sleep except for on his rut. He sleeps every other time because it makes Vox uncomfortable to have Alastor awake all night, staring at him

For Halloween Vox managed to get Alastor to do one couples costume and never again

Alastor can pull off multiple different accents but almost never talks in his real one

Vox still have nightmares years later

Alastor and Vox have accepted that the nightmares would be a permanent thing going forward

Alastor only calls Vox by his Royal titles to piss him off

Vox only calls Alastor by his Royal title to piss him off

Vox's screen brightness is incredibly low so he won't blind Alastor anymore

Vox can and will mute himself

Alastor has given up on trying to whiten his teeth. He feels a bit self-conscious about his teeth, but he did literally everything he could

Rosie had a bet going on in Cannibal Town that Alastor and Vox would end up together that went on for years. Rosie was super smug when she won

Vox is accepted in Cannibal Town and treated very well by everyone there

Except by Susan

Fuck Susan

Alastor bakes a lot more now because of Vox's sweet tooth

Vox is more self-conscious about his heterochromia than the literal TV for a head

Alastor doesn't get it either don't worry

Angel and Vox once tested expired pregnancy tests with different types of alcohol such to Husk's and Alastor's confusion

Vox is an emotional drunk and one time cried for a solid two hours about how Alastor was going to leave him one day... to Alastor

Alastor started taking extra care to make sure Vox knew he genuinely care for him and would not be using him

Vox has only convinced Alastor to watch horror movies, Spirit, and Balto

Alastor laughs at the scene where Art the Clown eats that girl's face while Vox hides because he's disgusted

[gyokutoll]

Synnie is enabling me so here are some ace attorney au hotaru thoughts

Since ace attorney is a comedy a lot of his darker themes aren’t going to be present which I do like more. He has phoenix syndrome where he’s a human Nokia. Hotaru got hit by a car on his way to court and also stabbed but he’s fine and ready to present evidence.

His lawyer gag is that he’s a former host. Sometimes the prosecution is like do we REALLY think he can argue law? He used to be… salacious. And hotaru is like your honor I fail to see how this is relevant to literally anything. I got my JD. I have the badge. Your honor, respectfully requesting you to tell the state to get off my dick.

Got into law maybe because a host coworker he liked had something unfair brought against him???? Ace attorney always has the inciting incident of a law career being homosexuality so maybe we start there. Or maybe Sadao was like ummm you’re too stupid to be a lawyer. Bye. And years later hotaru is like you know what? Fuck you. Goes to law school. Elle woods but meaner and driven by spite towards a boy rather than love.

Went to a very good law school. He locked in.

Wonders why the judge lets the prosecution fling things at him and kick him down the stairs but it’s whatever. He won the case.

Defense attorney, obviously, because I want him to continuously draw the short end of the stick.

Idealistic despite his sardonic demeanor. Being a lawyer and having so many innocent clients has kind of reignited his hope for humanity even if you can’t really tell due to his dry delivery most days.

“STOP TALKING TO THE STATE WITHOUT ME PRESENT ARE YOU STUPID?? ahem, hello prosecutor.”

[doctordeathawaits]

hii,,pokes u,,u r cool,,ermm,,would u have any tips with like...transcreepypasta transition? ty in advance,, :333

Hello - I , Jeffrey , the host , am a Jeff the Killer fictive - so here is everything you should know , some tips and some from my source memories < 3

TRANS - CREEPY PASTA ...

Go out into the forest , all the time , hang out there , work there , do everything there . Over the years I personally cannot work / focus unless I'm not in the forest . All of our blogs have been written while being in the forest < 3

Start running track or do simple cardio . I'm reaching my years in my source ( almost 30... ) , and I regret not taking up running when I was younger - so that's the biggest advice ever .

Learn how to handle weapons , things like simple knives , all the way to how to properly handle a gun . I recommend having a pocket knife that's easy to take out of its holder , have it around your neck or tagged to your pants .

Parkour - start by simply climbing trees , as time goes on and you get used to it , try to pick up pace or do a running start . You can then move on to other terrain .

Know how to handle blood - its only some red liquid , personally never understood the freak out , yet building up an immunity to the sight of small blood can help a lot .

Know how to keep quiet - cannot stress enough how many times I almost failed shit because someone breathed too loud , so learn how to regulate yourself in stressful situations .

Always be alert , never trust cops - I always say to ' be your own cop ' , because in these times you really cannot trust those bastards .

I always keep some things in my bag because of alertness , yet this is optional ; a working lighter or matches , bandages and rubbing alcohol , simple pain relief medication in the form of pills , a piece of breathable fabric , a old button phone ( trust me , get a Nokia or old Samsung , they are durable with long battery during emergencies ) .

Clothing is up to you , but make sure you can run in whatever you're wearing . I've seen some whores run in heels before , yet they have experience , so my biggest advice is to not be too flashy . Although shoes - get boots , may be hard at first but they are probably the best with defence and running . I am a faithful man to the Garmont T8 Bifida , almost 8 years and no sign of bad wear .

Lastly - recognition , I personally ripped mine out years ago , yet if you're a proxy fuck , having that xoxo cutesy shit ( ⦻ ) is up to you .

Hope this helped , good luck out there BabyCreep < 3

[northwest-cryptid]

You know a very real part of me wonders how many of us have depression and see life as less of a fun and vibrant place as we get older if not just because it literally is.

I'm not even talking about how your body adjusts and how colors lose their vibrancy and all that. I'm talking about how when I was young, we sure as hell had Nokia bricks that were just black or grey or whatever. However we also had colored pencil boxes, and Macintosh computers for kids in school, cars came in brighter more varied colors, and most the tech was either given a colored shell like old Gameboy devices, or had some kind of colored accessories. A lot of the latest stuff coming out was stylized almost to a fault of form over function. Everything from phones and computers to art supplies and backpacks had some kind of vibrant color and whimsical design to it. Not just because most of that shit was for kids; but because it was just what we did back in the day.

Your computer mouse would have a unique shape or your jacket would have interesting little design tweaks from others. Maybe your shoes lit up or had some kind of weird gimmick to them. Now it's like, my monitors are black thin squares, my computer is a minimalist white box with a clear side panel and some RGB lights. That's all the color I get, a black keyboard with RGBs, a black thin tablet; a black generic mouse with RGBs, black headphones; black controllers, a black thin phone, a black mic sitting on a black mic arm on my black thin desk.

Listen I get it, I'm goth and all that, I understand that a lot of this is a matter of choice, but a lot of it also isn't. This is just how tech looks now, this is just how things are designed. To be thinner, to be sleeker, to be ignored. Sure blobjects and the like were horrible wastes of plastic, but I cannot tell you just how much personality everything had. The world used to embrace vibrancy and whimsy, now it is seen as childish. Now we seek the "modern" mundane look of monotone grays, black and white tech. It's all so boring, and the stuff that is slightly unique is expensive as hell. You can't afford to have personality in your tech anymore, literally. If something does have an ounce of interesting design it's typically pretty cheaply made and will fail within a year.

I don't latch onto Y2K aesthetics and the like because of some weird nostalgia for a promised future torn away from me by capitalism. I genuinely enjoy the vibrant colors, interesting fun designs, and just general love for life that it had. Y2K to me is a celebration of technology, it's why nearly everything came with the option to be transparent so you could see all the inner workings. Now even that has been dumbed down to a generic black cube graphics card and some generic minimalist black fans in my PC. That's all I get now, I don't get these colorful transparent interesting shells that let me peer into the inner workings of the tech I use. It's either unavailable, or too expensive; and even when it is available and affordable; it's typically poorly made or fails to understand the true aesthetic and interest of the reason for it in the first place. I don't care if I can see into my PC if all that's in there is a generic sleek black box. Show me the circuit boards, the wires and connections. Show me the lights that flash to indicate signals firing and being received.

Show me the soul of the machine I operate, let me watch as it dances to carry out my will. We used to be in love with our technology, we used to appreciate it's inner workings, what made it tick. It was like seeing the innards of a loved one but rather than feeling repulsed; it was like seeing their very soul, understanding that you love not only the exterior; but that you find beauty in what makes them function on the inside too.

Now all I'm left with is a simple thin black box, to be tucked away; hidden out of sight; ignored. Tech is something to be used, upgraded, replaced; and discarded. We do not love our tech, we do not love anything we create now. We create to consume, to sell; to profit.

[bloobluebloo]

do you ever have any thoughts about Gan's bio mom? what was she like? did he know her at all? how would she feel about having birthed him? like we know that the Twinrova raised him, but I've always wondered how and why he came in their care

Honestly, I do think about her a lot. I never quite settle with one definitive idea of what she would be like (apart from one AU where she is a defining character in Gan's life) because there are so many unknowns to consider when it comes to how the Gerudo handle this rare occurrence. I think that would heavily tie into Ganondorf's relationship with his biological mother. So, in terms of the Gerudo, I imagine that they must have some meticulous system for tracking the birth of a boy so that they can be ready for him when the time rolls around for him to arrive. Given that no one can *actually* control who will give birth to this boy, I imagine they also have certain laws and practices around how the boy will be brought up, that the most respected and skilled of the Gerudo will educate him. Given that the Twinrova are elderly witches who have lived to see at least 4 kings in their lifetime, I can imagine that the Gerudo may have felt that they were the most qualified to handle Ganondorf's upbringing, for example. Maybe the title of "surrogate mother" is given to the Twinrova because they bear the great responsibility of rearing the future king. Now, for his mother. I find myself turning to Ganondorf himself and trying to pick at the attributes he has. Sure, hatred is an emotion that is often tied to villainy because that cascades well into attributes like cold-heartedness, selfishness, and greed to name a few. However, I stand by my theory that Ganondorf's hatred is in an entire category of its own. Ganondorf has survived executions, long imprisonments, and battles against divine weapons sustained on willpower fuelled by this hatred. To me, that sort of hatred cannot be *that* selfish, that it would make a man tear his own flesh and soul apart and bring it back together just to see his will carried out. Looking at TotK, while of course to the player it was rather obvious that puppet Zelda was Ganondorf's doing, it was not the case with Hyrule's people. One argument that is valid is that people were so blindly loyal to Zelda that they followed her word even if it sounded suspicious or ridiculous, but on the other hand there is also the consideration to be made that Ganondorf had to take some time to understand how people felt about her well enough to manipulate them, to appeal to their emotions about her enough that even if they had some reservations they would obey. After all, to be very good at manipulation a person has to understand people and tug at their emotions, like an empath one would say. All's this to say is that I don't think Ganondorf is an unfeeling monster; I think he is quite the opposite. I think he feels things deeply, and I think people underestimate his emotional intelligence. He is cold-hearted and ruthless to those he hates, but I think if there is someone he cares about he will care about them with just as much devotion.

So, how does that link to his mother? I think that behind every villain that has the resilience of a Nokia phone is someone who loved them deeply. Love can be a double-edged sword after all. I mean in the Oracle games the Twinrova, when all else failed, sacrificed their own body so long as it meant that they could resurrect Ganon. Even the Gerudo don't seem to have true visceral hate for him. The sage of lightning says he was their chief until "he changed". To me it just points to the fact that Ganondorf was well loved by the people close to him, and I think that must have been the case when it came to his biological mother. From what we see in TotK, the Gerudo are mindful and loving towards their children, and even if a Gerudo lives outside of Gerudo territory, her child remains with her until she is old enough to return to Gerudo town to begin her education. I can see the same being the case with Ganondorf; even if he is their one male born every 100 years I can't imagine that they would rip him away from his mother so quickly. I can see her being proud that she was the one who birthed the long awaited son, but I think she would just simply be proud of being a mother to a healthy baby. I can see him still seeing her even after being taken in by the Twinrova, or whoever is educating him for that matter.

This is around where I stand with his biological mother. It could be interesting if she could see that her son was starting down a dark path (mother's intuition and whatnot) and be the voice of reason. Maybe her love for him was so intense that she would do whatever she could for him and try to shield him from harm, even if it was to his detriment at the end. Maybe his biological mother enjoys an elevated status amongst the Gerudo for carrying their future king and birthing him. To me thinking about her just puts so many ???? around how the Gerudo just handle Ganondorf to begin with.

[fairy-goth-mommy]

12: what celebrity would you have sex with? Are there multiple?

-puppy would pick Rhea Ripley, from WWE.

20: have you ever been skinny dipping? Would you?

28: would you ever have sex in the ocean?

-it’s too damn cold for that right now.

-puppy

12 - Rhea Ripley is a good choice, I'd pick her too, also Iyo sky, Penta, Liv Morgan and Piper Niven

For non wrestlers it'd probably be a much bigger list but I'll try to keep it short. Anthony Hopkins, Lawrence Fishburne, Shirley Manson, Miriam Margoyles, Lucy Lu, Tom Hardy, Jennifer Tilly, Kristen Stewart, John Boyega, Johnny lee miller, Laurence Mason, Renoly Santiago (especially in con air), Mathew Lillard, Chappel Roan, Tobre, Maezi666, Kim Petras, Sam Quealy, Dorian Electra, Laura Les, Ashnikko, Princess Nokia and Leikeli47

Well I failed to keep it short 😅

20 - we haven't no, but I probably would on lower anxiety days. Having someone with me would probably give me the confidence too. I find it pretty odd how much anxiety I have around potential dangers in water these days after what we were like as a teenager, where we did things like walking through a waist deep runoff channel next to a British steel plant, drinking from a random stream in the local iron rich hills of my hometown and swimming in any river or stream shallow enough that I could see the bottom.

28 - not these days no, I know too much about those salty soups and their chunky ingredients to risk anything penetrative. I might be convinced to have non penetrative sex though. But the idea of having the glass shells of diatoms cut me internally, worms and algae of many varieties interacting with my insides or zooplankton dying and decaying in my urethra make it much too scary a concept. Plus yea I don't do well with the cold.

☺️ thanks for all the asks puppy, I'm enjoying answering them xx