#how to make a safe space

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

How to Create? Sensory Study Space

Lil Penguin Studios/Autism Happy Place

[speench]

nsbu fans listen to me, listen, most of the cast hasn't had an Ify moment yet where they talk directly to their ?? alter egos?? and before we see dynamics unfold with other characters I need everyone to consider: Liv and Kingskin as unwilling father and his newfound ride or die child trope that is all

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.

like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.

And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).

And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.

And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.

And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.

Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.

I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.

anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.

[lilybug-02]

Some Symptoms of ADHD from Someone who is diagnosed:

Forgetfulness that impacts daily life

Difficulty remembering others names and even faces

Hard to stop fidgeting or moving when bored. Difficult to stop even when aware

Hyperfocus

Lack of motivation in tasks, even more so when external motivations are not given

Difficulty in being organized for extended periods of time

[[Symptoms of Adult ADHD]]

[rororowyourboat18]

My headcanon (heart-canon) that Mickey is Ian’s peace goes hand and hand with my headcanon that he is also Ian’s safe space. 

Mickey is the safe space Ian needs when dealing with bipolar episodes.

As soon as Mickey found out that Ian was bipolar, he immediately took it as just another one of his responsibilities.  It was a given to him that they would deal with it together.  Fiona suggested having Ian committed, but Mickey was not having it. Yes, it would be tough to deal with, but Ian is not a burden to him, and they would work through the episodes together.

When Ian was manic, Mickey provided a safe environment for him have his episode.  When Ian wanted to kill the homophobes, he helped rein in the “crazy” and provided an alternative.  Instead of murder, just your regular old run of the mill blackmail would do.  He didn’t try to stop Ian because he knew that wouldn’t be possible, but instead helped him through his episode in a manner that was less risky.

I just know that if he would have been around during Ian’s Gay Jesus era, Ian wouldn’t have ended up in prison.  Mickey would have helped him accomplish his goals in a less destructive manner while he found a way to express his concerns over it being a manic episode.

Because, unlike others, Mickey’s first reaction is NOT to ask about meds, but instead to observe and see how he can help Ian through whatever he is going through.  We see this when he observes that Ian is feeling down about losing his shitty warehouse job.  He does ask about meds but only after spending the entire day together and giving Ian something else to focus on.  Mickey knows that sometimes Ian needs him to be chaotic so Ian can get out of his own head and focus on whatever nonsense Mickey is doing.

However, Mickey knew when it was time to get outside help. The summer that they were living together he researched, and he was willing to ask Lip more about looking for outside help.  When Ian did the porno Mickey was mad because of the cheating, but I also think he realized that he could no longer provide the safe space Ian needed.  Ian went and did this extremely unsafe thing in a place where he, Mickey, couldn’t protect him.   

Mickey allows Ian to have feelings and emotions.  He doesn’t immediately label Ian’s joy and energy as mania or label his sadness and anger as a depressive episode. Mickey observers and tries to understand Ian.  Just because Ian is bipolar doesn’t mean that he can’t have extreme emotions like any other person.  It doesn’t mean that he can’t have an off days.

So Mickey Safe Space Milkovich, knows his husband and understand that sometimes he has to be a concerned husband and sometimes he has to be the shit-talking, bitch-slapping piece of south side trash Ian fell for.

Okay time to get off my soapbox 🤗

[cherrycolalime06]

am i the first based radfem on pinterest

[a-shade-of-green]

do you think it was weird for mike to go to california and experience his first byers family dinner in months just for it to be far too similar to wheeler family dinners

[whateverisbeautiful]

The

Only

Time

I

Feel

Safe

Is

When

I’m

With

You

[myfandomrealitea]

Me: Hey, so, actually, for the sake of me not killing myself I would actually love spaces where I can play Animal Crossing or share baking recipes or talk about Captain America showing hole for Iron Man without people sending videos of dead children and police brutality and trauma-dumping their personal issues on me. I also think its important over-all for these spaces to exist and be accessible and protected. Random Idiots Online: So you're a white-privileged racist? You know everything is political, right? You want us to just co-exist with bigots? What about my uncle's daughter's best friend's queer goldish?? What about people being blatantly transphobic in the chat? You're just going to say you hate all black people like that? White pig.

[wistfulwatcher]

HACKS | 4.10 Heaven

[druidshollow]

Space is suddenly thrown into a panic, so Phrases helps them ground themself.

hellooooooooooo this wasnt an excuse to draw phrases and space cuddling. no of course not. i think the flickering blue light flung them into a flashback regarding dunes attack since the flashing is similar to the power given off by her spear. flashbacks can be caused by even very small triggers which is something i think space unfortunately struggles with pretty often. theyve got a good support system now though <3 phrases speaks pretty repetitively at points here- they're aware that space isnt mentally in the present and they're asserting what they know to help. sometimes you have to repeat yourself many times for someone in a panic to hear you or really process what youre telling them

[redbean-nom]

din djarin, age 10: clone wars refugee child

boba fett, age 11: in federal prison for destroying an entire venator while trying to kill mace windu

[rat-rosemary]

Dream is the god of false luck. Of shifting change. Of shoving everything in your pockets so you have a way out hours later. Of jumping from cliffs with half of a plan. Of Deus Ex Machinas made days earlier one the few seconds you had to breathe in the middle of a chase.

Of making it all look magic, like you can twist reality while hiding your bloody knuckles behind your back

No matter what happens the dsmp still prays to him.

In lmanburg Wilbur would leave a small offering to Dream before going to fight them same man. Karl would mutter a small prayer before making a particularly stupid prank to get the attention of a married man. Tommy screamed a plea as he stumbled and fell from the obsidian grid, managing to snatch a water bucket from his inventory just in time.

All but two of them keep their bonds to the god they lock away under obsidian and lava.

Sam breaks his the day he becomes the Warden, locking the rosary he has carried for years in a box in his base and never touching again

(The way his body becomes stiff and cold does not bother him. It doesn't. His duty comes first, even if he doesn't know what to do now that his body doesn't seem to move like it used to)

Quackity breaks his the day before his first visit to the prison, easily throwing his rosary into the flames of the fireplace in the office of his new empire

(His wings ache where they're bound to his back, his skin tingles, so cold and hard compared to the fluid metarmothis he got used to for years. He imagines being able to absorb the divinity that pours out of Dream through his skin, holds back the urge to eat his heart)

Quackity wanted endless luck. He wanted everything to always go exactly as planned, for all the pieces to fall into place

But the only luck that is certain is a gun with six bullets pressed against your temple.

[iristial]

rider system album misora isurugi (build) | episode 4

[just-null]

AS CULT LEADER, I CAN'T STAND IDLY AS A STUPID LITTLE PISS BABY.. SO IM POINTING ONCE AGAIN TO MY BIO. THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE SUGGESTIVE SHIT. LMAO LMAO WARNING.

tumblr will shoot me down if this gets too raunchy, so i'll keep the tamer ones here.. maybe i'll post the others on Twitter.....

AH SO YEAH, IF YOURE YOUNG or dont want to see suggestive stuff in general, THIS POST ISNT FOR YOU.

[under the cut, my suggestive doodles of Noritoshi]

JGKHKFK HES SO CUTE BRO

[ingravinoveritas]

For those who haven't heard this, this is a clip from the episode of David Tennant Does A Podcast With... featuring Olivia Colman, from 2019. In this clip, Olivia and David talk about people filming them without permission, the ubiquity of camera phones, and the idea of "home" as a sanctuary from loss of privacy. I thought it was something interesting to think about and consider, especially in the wake of recent events.

Transcript of notable bits below:

(Talking about a woman filming David on the set of Broadchurch) Olivia: "[...]And I was very defensive on your behalf, too." David: "I remem--Yes, there was that wonderful day on the pier at West Bay. Where I was having some microphone wire put down my trouser leg. It was very undignified." Olivia: "I think she was videoing you. From a table's distance away." David: "Yeah. I was very touched that you were furious, and you leapt at this woman. Although she sort of still didn't notice, did she? She sort of grinned and kept filming." --- Olivia: "I have friends that I adore and I like going to safe places with them--my home or their home or something." --- Olivia: "Now I noticed the world's changed. Everyone's got a fucking camera. And people are desensitized to fellow humans." David: "When you first lose that anonymity, it's quite threatening. It's much more threatening than you imagine it's going to be objectively. Cause you imagine that sort of--for want of a better word, celebrity--it somehow empowers you, but actually I think it's the opposite."