#humans turn cybertronians

[gelu-the-babosa-multiversal]

I'm a bit mad that there's not much discussion about the idea of artificially/synthetic-made Cybertronians by humans or any alien species outside Cybertron or the Primes or the AllSpark...

I think that is more interesting that Humans turn Cybertronians or Cybertronians becoming humans.

Just imagine, a bot that was not born with a ¨real¨ spark meets a Bot or Con. How would Optimus and Megatron feel realizing that others like them exist but there not LIKE them?

They are not Decepticons, Autobots, Predacons, Constructicons, Seekers, or City Speakers... they're just not like them.

They can transform and do all the things that a Cybertronian can do, they can look like them, and depending on how the concept is handled they can feel like anyone else. But would that make them Cybertronians? Just like in the species they are based on?

Maybe Optimus could offer the hand-made Bots a spark with the Matrix and that could fix everything, but what if they decline the offer? Is a choice, right? To prefer to be what you are even if it means that they do not see you as real...

This could be darker if we remember that Cybertron is kind of racist towards organics...

Technically they could like the Terrans, but no. Though Mo and Robbie helped to make the Terrans, they're still Cybertronian-like made.

Or I don't know, what do you guys think? Or maybe you @agentsquirrelsgotrobots will understand me.

[transformers-synergize]

soundwave with his 2 lil minbots cassettes and 3 minicons cassettes

A high-ranking decepticon only outranked by Megatron himself, Soundwave is smart, logical, efficient , loyal, and one of the most dangerous decepticons out there, co-leading the decepticons stranded on earth with Starscream. though often he and Startscream are working against each other rather than with each other. Starscream wants to run things differently, while Soundwave wants to continue fallowing Megatron's old orders until they can get back in contact with Cybertron and get new orders from Megatron.

Though Soundwave's dry, monotone way of speaking and efficient way of carrying out tasks might make you think he is not the creative type, he is actually quite the artist, most often expressing himself through music ragging between several different cybertronian music genres.

just the lil guys

[witchofthesouls]

Okay I had an ask about a follow-up on the Truck dad and amnesiac bird son dimensional hoppers pair post, but I couldn't fit as more outright creepy/weird shit our boy do. A lot of hints, though.

Here's a piece on Jack's fondness for big animals and secrets.

Optimus should have known something was afoot with Jack, especially with his most recent line of questions and the new direction his drawings had taken on: a large, black canine in the desert, aerial views of the surrounding landscapes, anatomy of local creatures, and multi-eyed birds with strange trinkets in their beaks.

As much Jack was enamored with the animal companions in this universe’s version of the Ark and its Autobots, Sideswipe’s proletariat cat and Prowl’s turbohound were too busy to keep by the sparkling's side.

Despite the extreme species-swap and his regression to a child state, Jack had taken to his Cybertronian frame well. Enough that oddities could be rationally explained by the loss of creators.

(And if this version of the Autobots took it one way, then Optimus won't correct them, especially with Jack's mimicry with natural birdsong overlapping with newspark noises.)

Jack was generally obedient. He took heed of Optimus’ warnings to remain close to him and not to wander away in a certain distance.

However, Jack was good with words. Quick to find loopholes as well. He may not flick a wing-tip over the established boundaries to chase after whatever curious thing had caught his attention, but more than once Optimus found his charge scurrying out from potholes on the streets, broken entrances beneath buildings, and perched high up on the local greenery or infrastructure to peek at something, like a nest of local fauna.

Jack had said he didn’t leave the ship. And that was true. He hadn’t.

He simply coaxed the wildlife to him instead.

It was a hassle to smooth over the growing trend of murders and conspiracies of blackbirds hounding the nearby towns for cash for their “snackies” of seeds and McDonald's, then they uncovered his newest pet.

Not an abandoned dog, or a raccoon, or a house cat, or a hawk, or a toad, or anything Sparkplug reminiscenced over his son's mudpie days. Not something small, easily managed, and no threat to the human personnel.

Those strange grey-blue optics stared at Optimus so pleadily, arms wrapped carefully around the creature. The mountain lion, nearly full grown and quite docile in Jack’s arms, only grumbled, almost bored by the entire ordeal. It yawned wide, showing off teeth reminiscent of military-frame sets of sharp denta.

Animals, especially predatory and scavenger species, was something else Jack was good with, too. And Optimus had no idea what to make of that…

“Please, papa! I made her a bed and kept the wound clean!"

Oh, yes, Jack ran a neat, little clandestine operation in the back. Taking advantage that few mechs were willing to venture near the Dinobots’ living quarters and his own oddities whenever he sang to blackbirds outside the open entrance, he managed to squeeze himself into a nook between boulders that opened into a hidden cavern where he kept an injured mountain lion.

No one had any idea how Jack managed to keep the animal fed, let alone sneak it past the entrance. Too many eyes in the main halls to drag large carcasses, and living matter didn't do well with subspaces. Optimus could hear Red Alert's jaw cracking from pressure-related stress. No doubt combing through the security systems and finding nothing. Jazz and Prowl would be interested in the holes as well.

That was a large issue, and it needed to be addressed. Preferably away from the public.

“-and I'll love her and walk her and I change her water every day and I know how to feed her because Chickadee taught me how to how-"

"Jack,” Optimus interrupted the deluge of words, his tone gentle yet firm. He crouched down to meet those tearful optics, Jack's wingspan ticked up and down. The mountain lion's ears twitched but it remained at ease. “We can't keep her here. That's a wild animal. She's used to miles of free terrain to roam. Not being enclosed and hidden away on a ship.”

Jack inhaled sharply but said nothing in response. It wasn't childish defiance staring back at Optimus. More like guardian possessiveness: Mineminemine, Jack's entire frame projected, dropping away the usual behavior of staying hidden.

“You and I must return to our universe. We can't bring this one, especially into an environment she has no experience in. It would be cruel to do so. Even if we release her back at our base, everything she knew would be either too different or nonexistent. Remember your exploration of the places you once lived in?”

Jack hiccuped out a warbling noise at the reminder, and Optimus could feel a few mechs’ willpower crumbling away at that sound. He coiled his field around the boy, and Jack immediately latched onto him, anchoring deep as he leveled out the sharp notes and soothed away the hurts.

“We can find a suitable wildlife rehab or a sanctuary.”

"Can we visit her?”

“I’m sure we can find time.”

[i-mean-technically]

I like to imagine after the Earth is cyberformed and the war has ended, Optimus introducing humanity to the rest of the galactic counsel as Cybertronians' long lost sibling. Every other race is just stareing at an eldritch techno-organic species that is closely related to the immortal metal giants that have destroyed untold numbers of planets and races in a war that's lasted longer than most recorded history and getting really scared. Then they find out that Cybertronians came from the garden planet and humans come from the chaotic death world that drifts through space and consumes uninhabited planets (kinda like G1 unicron) and they want to cry. Imagine finding out that the worst person you know has an evil twin and the two of them get along great together. If its the kind of verse where Autobots and Decepticons made peace, then you better believe Megatron will be enjoying himself. The only things standing in the way of Cybertronian universal domination was their low numbers, lack of resources and division between their people, none of which can stop the joint Cybertron-Earth forces.

You. You get me.

It's years later and things are going great.

The Cybertronian Civil War is over, Cybertron is being slowly restored and the Cybertronian people have a place they can call home now. Optimus heads the cybertronian faction against his will (there was a vote and it was basically unanimous). Earth 2.0 is doing awesome, and the former squishy humans are now pretty robust techno organic horrors that now have access to SPACE and all the problems that come with it.

We're thrilled. Living the dream here.

Now, everyone is ready to rejoin the wider inter-galactic community bc the humans are getting twitchy and can only be gently directed for so long before Optimus has to take off the leash and let them go feral.

But Optimus is a Smart Cookie ok.

He's political about it. Especially bc he knows that us little assholes love a good fight, and some people literally live to argue.

So the joint forces of Cybertron and Earth present their case to the Intergalactic Congress of Species on why they should be a part of the wider community and get the benefits of that.

The Council takes one look at them and goes "FUCK no" and we all know that humans love being told that they can't do something. Such spiteful little creatures we are <3

So what do we do? We start our own intergalactic government. So far it has two species, maybe three.

But everyone is absolutely Terrified of these weird little monstrosities born from the Chaos Bringer and have the literal walking embodiment of their planet, another Chaos God but less "kill devour consume", walking around like a tourist.

Primus Lite enjoys caramel lattes with hot sauce and burnt marshmallows. He's an easy guy to get along with.

We're just Vibin' man

[phoenixcatch7]

Every so often I dip into transformers fanfic (specifically bayverse) just because the concept of giant shape-shifting mechanical immortal robots just slaps so hard. All of the fics get so close but never quite scratch the itch I want, so here.

Cybertronian Sam Witwicky, vessel of the Allspark

A seeker, naturally, but I haven't decided on alts yet. Or a name (I like Rubicon, because of the doorway/point of no return/on a knifes edge between two worlds meaning and.. Also because the Allspark kinda looks like a rubics cube lmao)(but it doesn't sound quite right and I'd like to lean more into the idea of sacrifice maybe?)(or maybe something celestial or mythical for the space/alien/spark=stars metaphor... Apollo?).

I haven't seen it done, but I really like the idea of the Allspark using its own material to create the cybertronian body, given the total lack of actual resources it has (and needs). This would give Sam a very unique bronze/gold protoform instead of the usual grey/black metal, and eyes/optics the colour of sparks. The feather horn things were meant to be a lot smaller, but that was the smallest they got! And idk, I've grown to like them. A little nod to his organic origins. And the circles are supposed to be extra eyes. The boots I was delighted to find, they blend so well with the body and make it look like he's not bare lol. Because hero forge isn't quite that free with design (yet), please imagine a couple wheels by his ankles he can drop down to rollerblade on.

I had a ton of fun with the colours, I think it's my best one from scratch yet! It was so hard to keep from adding too much detail or clothing, and I did struggle with the sheer bulk of a typical cybertronian build. The pauldrons and scarf help with that, but he's intended to be pretty slight compared to the average anyway. In every continuity they're so, so bulky ToT. I might tinker with the proportions now I've finished the model! The spear... Well I'm a sucker for staffs, but it's not a cybertronian weapon unless it can slice or shoot something, preferably while transforming into something else. This one is also a laser gun, very energy intensive if you're not hooked into an infinite power source lmao. He's got a few emergency cannons in his arms, because... Why not?

Man, now I've made him, I want to write something for him so much... Must resist, must resist...

[ao3wasntenough]

I think it would be funny if Sam turned into a cassette while the one bot the autobots have in their roaster who can utilize cassettes isn't on earth yet and the bots are like "we cant tell him he's a cassette cause he only knows soundwave uses cassettes" so they just tell him he's a mini con (which he still doesn't take well) and anytime soundwave or any decepticon gets close enough to catching Sam its like

[eliasofsunhillow]

so to cope with the pain of rereading Fortuna Primigenia again i have accidentally dug my own longstanding, fuck-all weird tf fic idea up from the shallow grave i buried it inwith the conviction that i will never be able to write it properly ever and its actually kind of cool

[primus-why]

Y'all! We can't switch to only clean green energy! What will the Cybertronian's have for fuel when they arrive if not oil?? What, we're gonna feed em a windmill and call it a day??

[autobotmedic]

    Ratchet, drinking his morning energon at 2 in the evening: squinting.

[cybertron-after-dark]

Things that canonically exist in the same world as transformers prime because they also exist in rescue bots:

-fairies

-ghosts

-time travel

-still-living dinosaurs

-optimus's third mode, the fucking t-rex

-a machine that cheats death and reverses the aging process

-skyrim, if blades making the arrow to the knee joke is to be taken at face value.

-mass displacement tech the way the fandom's been portraying it for ages

-the exact same altmode-locking paralytic virus from beast machines

-full-on mind control, effective on both humans and bots

-lycanthropy inducing fake meat

-a hal-9000-esque rogue AI intent on turning the world comatose to keep humanity maximally safe

-freaky Friday mind swapping

-time loops

-machine that forces you to sing in full musical numbers

-Allspark day, which is basically cybertronian new years day

We need to start subjecting the prime bots to the weirdass facets of their world.

[gelu-the-babosa-multiversal]

New ¨human turn into Cybertronian¨ and ¨Cybertronian to human¨ idea for TFP x TFRB x tfrid2015 and I don't know if you guys want to add other TF versions.

And is that, it just happens, like *poof* and nothing more! There are no experiments, (maybe) no magic, and no explanations as to why it happened.

Just screams and confusion with new Cybertronians trying not to step in the new humans...

... not big ideas actually.

The Decepticons in the Nemesis have it worse because they have become so small that no one can pilot the ship, and because they lost their technological abilities Soundwave is worthless here...

While the TFP kids, June, and Fowler can't see Team Prime under their feet. Miko is so excited though!

[witchofthesouls]

(Anyone remembers that scenario with Getaway and Rodimus siring upon a Fae-Touched!Liaison that got cyberformed? Here we go again.)

Something bothers Getaway, far more than usual.

You had to change your approach. Getaway believes the Nudge-gun had reshaped your memories and it had.

But you got them back.

(A magic mirror once gleamed and asked What do you wish? with your own inverted face. Upon your answer, your doppelganger grinned a million fractals of glorious and damning shards. Splintered infinities and Truth. It reached out and placed a shard into each eye and you both bleed like monsters and gods.)

You stare into the mirror of the captain's private shower rack, and blue lenses and white pupils stare back. 

If you stare long enough, you can divine the shards, each of them spinning and spinning, fracturing, repairing, growing, clawing out of the white-

The newspark cries and you snap back into the present.

The newspark cries and you nuzzle their soft body as they fret into your neck, tugging on the cables that mimic your hair, gumming on it. Milk-white optics blindly stare as they pur, slipping into your field, buzzing and yanking until you soothe it into a steady, easy pattern. They buzz, searching for a laughing sun that’s no longer with them.

Rodimus is gone. Getaway might as well be as he drowns in his captaincy.

The newspark purrs, no longer crying, and you plan.

_____

The thing is, Getaway lies.

It’s not condemnation. You know he lies. The problem lies where Getaway does it to himself as well. He believes in his own fabrications. A shallow mask that becomes his reality until something breaks it.

(Getaway could be the most marvelous actor if given the proper training and the chance, but it would eat him until he had nothing left to give, and you suppress the shiver that rolls down your spine at the ghostly, distant cheer of the starving, distorted voices.)

You can see it as he crushes you to the couch, when he watches you with hot-cold, hungry, optics across a room, when he pretends to sleep in the berth as you take care of the newspark, when he spins a dazzling tale to all the other mechs in the ship, when you cradle him in your lap…

This new vulnerability is strange from him. It began after Rodimus (and the others) had been left to fend for themselves.

Before Rodimus would sprawl across the couch, taking it over, and allowing you access, only to throw a leg across your lap with the newspark cradled on his chassis. Getaway would be either perched on the arm by your side or using your own legs as a cushion on the floor, viciously hogging the snack bowl and the remote until Rodimus finally relents to trade the bit.

You expected him to take Rodimus’ space on the couch on movie nights, but he doesn’t. He had taken the captaincy, the office, the berth, and even the snacks and personal products by Rodimus.

But strangely enough, he still perches on the couch’s arm by your side or sits by your feet, leaning on your legs. The newspark curls over the leftover space, seemingly so much smaller as they soak the faint remains of Rodimus’ biosignature.

Somewhere during the movie, Getaway will start drifting a hand up your leg, and will eventually find his way on your lap, pressing his face into you with a quiet almost-sigh. Field muddled in a not-quite agitated way until you ‘absentmindedly’ start to stroke across his back, careful not to go near his exposed neck.

The film keeps rolling into another and another without a word between you and him in this strange, truthful intimacy. It only breaks with the newspark fusses to be fed and then it’s time to move to the bedroom.

Some nights Getaway spawls across the berth, taking up the Rodimus-less space, turning into his pillow with little to say, besides a ‘good night’ and mimicking sleep as you settle in.

Some nights, he fucks you as he something to prove. Rutting you with a brutal force as he punches the air from your frame and drinks your expression with a burning focus, leaving both frames steaming and electrical burns on the sheets. In this mood, he doesn’t move from you. You learn to sleep under the weight of his frame and his spike still twitching inside you.

No matter what, he’s gone by the time you wake up.

_____

You don't like the look in Froid's optics. You barely like the mech at all. 

Under that veil of professionalism is the spark of madness that’s familiar to you, that raw, consuming, and greedy hunger as he looks at you and your sparkling.

(Did Getaway tell him anything? Or did Froid figure it out?)

You titter guilelessly at the psychologist, turning into Getaway’s shoulder, murmuring sweet nothings as newlyweds in love do. Getaway is too well-trained to freeze from the sudden behavior, but he acts the part of a loving partner, pressing his mask to your crest. You hold his gaze and over the private comm, you tell him to be careful.

Froid has that same look of greed when he looks at Getaway.

______

In the privacy of the shared quarters and in bed, you feed the newspark and clearly state, “Be careful when you make deals. You don’t play directly against the house. Toll is unforgivable.”

He doesn’t answer. Pretending to sleep.

(Getaway likes to manipulate and play but he has a visceral need to be slanted in a good light. The fact he doesn’t even tries to soothe that worry or deny the accusation that he can’t handle himself is damning in and of itself.)

______

You leave the newspark with First Aid, who’s lonely in an empty medbay, and press a chaste kiss to his cheek, “Take good care of my darling moonbeam.”

First Aid asks what's wrong as your child barely fusses in his arms. Those blind optics stare at you in a strangely knowing manner before tucking into the medic for a nap, frame curling into the mech and field disappearing like morning dew.

You tell him a truth:

You need to clean house.

[i-mean-technically]

Im happy someone else is acknowledging that Earth=Unicron and Megatron shot it with a magic regen beam. Like, canonically, the first thing the beam made was a giant citadel of evil with its own laser turrent, completely unprompted. I dont see how that would end anyway other than Unicron back and badder than ever with a brand new army billions strong.

Alternatively if all life gets assimilated into the planet and Unicron remians mostly dormant then Earth becomes a semi sentient chaos world. The decpticons try to set up in Dark mount but the defenses automatically start firing on them. Team Prime can walk right in though and they find the castle full of rooms and furniture fit for bots as big as Optimus to as small as Arcee, a med center with every tool Ratchet ever 'needed' on earth, a rec room with cybertronian sized tv and game console etc. Cybertronians start colonising earth where if you're nice to it energon flows free and hot oil pools appear on command but if you do something it doesnt like the earth quakes and acid rains from the sky.

Yes this!

Unicron is the planet, everything living thing has pieces of him in them, one reason for the diversity of life and the pure chaos that is literally Everything on Earth.

We are little chaos beings wrapped up in a squishy little package.

And I like the idea of a cyberformed Earth being semi-aware and refusing to be used for evil purposes.

Like it exorcised Unicron and now the planet is like. A secondary Primus?

Primus Lite.

I am having so many ideas now

[cybertronian-reader-imagines]

How about someone who was recently turned into a Cybertronian and Team Prime tended to and comforted them? They have a lot of adjusting to do! 👀

TW: A bit of implied disassociation because, holy shit, suddenly you're a giant metal robot and that's kinda hard to wrap your newly non-organic brain around.

((Knock Out is here because there is not enough Autobot!Knock Out and I love him.))

Team Prime comforting Reader, who just got turned into a Cybertronian, would include...

Optimus reassures you from the first moment that you have a safe home with Team Prime, should you choose to stay with them. Of course, you do. He makes sure you have the time and space to adjust and be comfortable with your new body before jumping into anything. He's just there if you need him, which some days is more helpful than everyone's else's efforts to offer unsolicited advice right off the bat.

Bumblebee helps you adjust to having wheels by challenging you to races that double as training whenever possible. He is almost certainly going easy on you, but nobody ever tells you as much.

Bulkhead is the first to realize that maybe you just really need a damn hug right now, if only because he's not very good with words. He hugs you and reassured you that it will be okay, and you're amazed how warm and fuzzy you feel afterwards, even though you're fairly sure your new body doesn't actually feel such minute temperature changes.

Ratchet tries to be "comforting" by explaining how your new body works... in detail that goes way, WAY over your head. But eventually, you get him talking about Cybertron's history and culture, and realize that your two species aren't all that different after all, which helps more than an anatomy lesson ever could.

Smokescreen is quick to remind you that you don't have to go back to your boring human school/job/house/whatever. Depending on how much you liked/disliked your old life, this is either incredibly helpful or incredibly irritating. If you get upset with him though, he's quick to apologize, and it's hard not to be comforted by that well-meaning smile and a servo patting your shoulder.

Arcee might somehow be even more protective of you than she is of the humans - she knows what happens when bots overestimate how much they can handle, and she figures that's really easy to do when you go from being a tiny, fragile human to a giant robot. Sometimes it's hard to hear her remind you that you're still mortal, but she means well. "Okay Mom, I get it."

Wheeljack, like Bulkhead, isn't very good with words, but he's also not very good with affection. What he can do, however, is listen. He's there the first time you get frustrated with the rest of the Team - not because they truly did anything wrong, but because being cramped into a tiny base with people you've just met will irritate anyone - and he never breathes a word of what you vented to the others. The Wreckers had their spats too - he knows you'll all be cool at the end of the day.

Oh Primus help Ultra Magnus he doesn't have a comforting servo in his body, but at least he's honest about that. In fact, he's the best bot to go to when you're ready to have things less sugarcoated.

Knock Out doesn't understand what the fuss is about - why would anyone ever want to be a squishy, gross organic when they could be Cybertronian? Humans couldn't turn into cars, for one, and couldn't be polished. He gives you a fresh coat of paint and polish and tells you how much better you look now - it does help, in a way. Being able to pick out new paint makes you feel a little more like your new body is really your body.

But honestly? Your biggest comfort might just be Jack, Miko, and Raf, if only because they will remind you any time you so much as frown just how cool being a giant robot is. And then you remember, yeah, it is pretty cool, actually.

[tinydefector]

Human's effects

More a silly little thing that I had to write out.

Warnings: talks about sex, xenophilia, kinks

Word count: 3k

Request are open

____

There were a lot of things that fascinated the cybertronians over humans. Their size, body types, skin tones and those soft they are. 

So many of them become so fascinated over the fact that such small and fragile creatures don't have plating to protect themselves but only wear soft fabrics. 

And it slowly leads a lot of Cybertronians to realising they were Xenophiles. 

A list of kinks and fetishes cybertronians discovered from it. 

-size kink 

-skin fetish 

- hair pulling 

- silk and ribbon play

- cum inflation 

-breeding

-pet play

- vore

-fluid play and consumption 

- spiking warming

- Heart and spark syncing 

- new spike and Valve modifications to test on their human lover

There's originally a lot of unknowns about humans, and cybertronians are rather intrigued, for one the first times the a lot of the crew of lost light had encountered them was on black market and high priced pets, and companions. 

There were exceptions such as Perceptor, Ratchet and Megatron who had been around humans before but for a lot of the bots this was their first time seeing them. that is until they are assigned a human communications, relations Ambassador/ liaison. 

But after the black market incident it had led a lot of bots into research over humans. And it just spirals more with them discovering some rather dark history with cybertronians keeping humans as playthings. And finding out their ‘interface equipment’ isn't that different from their own, just more organic and smaller.  

A late night of drinking at swerve slowly devolved into conversation over their local human. Brainstorm sits nursing his drink of engex while he and others of the ship chat away. "So does it fascinate anyone else over the fact that humans don't have natural plating or any kind of protection for their squishy form?" He brings up, he himself had fallen down the rabbit hole of human porn but didn't quite know how to breach the subject with anyone else. 

"Oh Primus, look who decided to join us, thought you were holding up with your Conjunx Chrome!" Swerve said with a chuckle, placing more drinks down. He hopped up onto one of the bar stools and leaned in eagerly, His attention flicks to Brainstorm. "You bring up a good point, Brainstorm," Swerve replied.

 "Those squishy humans are really something else, ain't they? No armour, no defences - I'd be scared outta my circuits if I was just soft protoform all the time!, like i’m so surprised squishy hasn't been stepped on yet" 

Rodimus nodded in agreement. "Yet they've managed to survive just fine so far. There's obviously more to them than meets the eye. Like i've seen some of the things our ambassador can do like the strange stretching"

"I dunno," Skids chimed in. "Seems pretty fraggin' reckless if you ask me. One good shot and it lights out!" 

Rewind shuddered. "Ugh, don't remind me. Just thinking about all those organics and tubes and who knows what else squishing around in there makes my fuel tank turn." He made a dramatic churning sound effect.

Riptide laughed. "I saw a nature documentary once about these hairless ape creatures the humans evolved from. Now THOSE guys were squishy."

“What in Primus have you been watching?!” 

“some old earth docs that Percy’s has, bots got a lot of info on Terra and the planet's history” The bots shared a collective laugh at the image. Swerve took a swig of his energon. "Frag, maybe there's something to be said about living on the edge like that! Sure keeps things interesting, its still strange that they are somehow one of the top predators of their planet yet are smaller than half the things they eat"

Brainstorm goes quiet for a moment. "Have you seen how flexible they are?"

Swerve nearly spit out his energon. "Whoa hey, I don't need those kinds of vivid imagery floatin' around my processor thank you very much!, keep the squishy interface vids to yourself" he said, waving his hands animatedly. 

"You have to admit, the way those fleshbags can contort themselves is pretty impressive," Skids added. "Must come in handy for.. maintenance." He waggled his optical ridges suggestively.

Brainstorm nodded pensively. "Indeed. Their non-metal structure allows for feats we could never replicate by ourselves." He took a sip of his energon. "Always makes me curious what other evolutionary adaptations they've developed to compensate for such vulnerability. The potential for scientific discovery is endlessly fascinating with their species and ancestors."

Riptide shrugged. "As long as they don't expect ME to try any of their bone-breaking yoga moves," he laughed. "This chassis is meant for tough stuff, not Twister!"

"You think they would be soft, you know if you interface with one?" Brainstorm asked while downing his drink, the engex was slowly going to his processor loosening his lips. 

"Oh don't give me that look I know for a fact you all have thought about doing with a human at least once! Rodimus I know for a fact you eye them up everytime our little liaison walks past you" He calls out Rodimus. 

Rodimus nearly choked on his energon in an attempt to look innocent. "Wh-what? That's not - I never -" he sputtered in protest, flustered optics darting around at the other bots.

Brainstorm smirked as Rodimus squirmed uncomfortably on the stool. "Oh please, don't try to deny it, Captain. You're about as subtle as a combiner in a supply closet." 

"Roddy's got the hots for squishy, who knew!" Swerve giggled uncontrollably. 

Skids nudged Riptide playfully. "Hey, maybe we got a xenophiliac on the ship!" 

"Alright alright, knock it off you glitches," Rodimus growled, though the blue flush across his face said otherwise. "I was just... curious, that's all. They ARE a strange species."

Swerve tried to contain his laughter. "Ohhh I bet you are more than curious, if you catch my drift!, wanna get up close and personal" More raucous peals of laughter from the group.

Brainstorm stroked his chin in thought. "They do feel intriguingly delicate. I wonder if their flexible frames would be more pleasurable to interface with than our own rigid forms..."

"Have you seen videos of them, they stretch a lot, like a lot, like I know human skin is resilient but i didn't think they were that resilient " Brainstorm states remembering some of the videos he had seen online. Other bots peak up intrigued. 

Swerve choked again as his fuel tank nearly turned inside out. "Brainstorm! That's... more than I needed to visualise, thank you very much." 

Skids seemed a bit less phased. "Fleshbags gettin' their twist on, huh? Can't say I'm not curious now." 

Even Rodimus seemed intrigued despite his earlier protests. "Resilient is an   understatement. I've seen some of the contortions that humans can do - it's astounding that their protoforms don't tear apart." 

Brainstorm nodded enthusiastically. "Precisely! With the right lubrication and technique, I hypothesise an interface with a limber human form would provide entirely novel sensory data."

Riptide shifted uncomfortably. "Not sure I'm ready to dive into the fleshy deep end just yet.”  

Swerve shot him a sly grin. "Aw c'mon Rip, live a little! Where's your sense of adventure?" 

Rodimus tried to steer the subject elsewhere. "Let's maybe change topics before someone needs a wipe down. Or Primus forbid, Magnus overhears you lot"

"I hope I did not hear what my processor just heard" Ultra Magnus states while staring down at the group of drinking mechs. A Lot of bots in the bar snicker at the group getting in trouble. 

"Come on Sir, get that wrench out of you aft, join us!" Skids called out.

Swerve let out an audible squeak at Ultra Magnus's stern tone, almost dropping his engex in panic. "U-Um, Magnus sir! Fancy seeing you here. We were just, uh, discussing..." 

He shot desperate optics at the others for help, but they all seemed to shrink down in their seats under Magnus's disapproving glare. 

Rodimus flashed an uneasy grin. "Just having a friendly debate about alien species, you know how it is. Brainstorm was bringing up some, er, interesting biological points..." 

Ultra Magnus sighed wearily. "I'd rather not know the details, thank you. Some topics are best left undiscussed in public."

The whole bar erupted into laughter at the group's misfortune. "Ah lay off em Magnus!" one patron called out. "They're just havin' fun!"

Another bot piped up. "Yeah, loosen up that rusty chassis and join us! One drink won't hurt." 

Magnus scowled, unamused. But as the encouragement grew louder, he glanced around hesitantly...

Swerve spotted an opening. "C'mon Magnus, live a little! I'll even give you a two-for-one special." He flashed a hopeful grin.

The enforcer grumbled but his resolve was cracking. Against his better judgement, he pulled up a stool. "One drink." Swerve whooped and poured him a double.

They cheer as Magnus sits down to drink with them. Skids speak up. "So brainstorm you saying you'd hook up with a fleshy, get nice and personal with a human" he calls out with a laugh.

Brainstorm leaned forward eagerly. "Why of course! The pursuit of scientific knowledge knows no boundaries. Though upon further review, direct interfacing with an organic might require certain, ah, safety protocols." 

Skids peered at him suspiciously. "Exactly what kind of 'research' are you plannin' on doing Brainy?"

Swerve nudged Riptide with a smirk. "I'll bet ya 20 shanix Brainstorm's just trying to find an excuse to get jiggy with the humies!"

Riptide snorted. "No way, I ain't takin' THAT bet!" 

Rodimus dropped his face in his palms with a groan. "can we PLEASE stop picturing Brainstorm fragging humans?" 

Ultra Magnus coughed on his engex, catching the comment he'd really rather not have heard. 

But Brainstorm paid them no mind, lost in scientific contemplation. "The human capacity for sensory input and feedback would provide a rich study on cross-species interface protocol adaptability..."

"INTERFACE PROTOCOLS?!" Swerve shrieked. The table erupted into howls of laughter at Magnus's deeply uncomfortable expression. It was going to be a LONG night indeed.

“Primus Brainstorm you kinky fragger” 

"Fine then everyone servo up if your not at least somewhat curious or thought about it at least once" Brainstorm calls out to all of Swerve's bars patrons

"Oooh, Brainstorm's putting us all on the spot!" Swerve giggled with gleeful mischief. He raised his servo without hesitation. 

Skids was quick to follow suit, slamming his half-empty glass down. "Frag it, I'll admit it! Those soft squishy bodies got me wonderin' what else they're good for." 

To everyone's surprise, Rodimus sheepishly lifted a servo as well, avoiding optic contact with Ultra Magnus. Riptide shrugged and joined in the show of servos, if only to blend in. 

The majority of bots in the bar started raising their hands amid roars of laughter and drunken encouragement. Only a select few hesitated, shooting nervous glances at Magnus. 

The enforcement officer's expression cycled through outrage, resignation and back to outrage as his gaze swept over the forest of raised servos. "I cannot condone such deviant interest in alien biologies," he protested, voice stiff. 

But as more servos stayed stubbornly aloft, Magnus sagged with a weary sigh. After a long moment, he slowly, begrudgingly raised one massive hand as well. 

The bar erupted into ear-splitting cheers. Swerve howled with glee, banging his fists on the counter. "Look's like we've all got a bit of xenophile in us after all! Even you, Magnus my mech!" 

Magnus buried his faceplate in his servos as Brainstorm cackled maniacally. Once the bar settles back down its Swerve who speaks up with a smirk on his faceplate. "So... which one of you charming mechs are gonna be the first to try and get our lovely Liaison?" He teases. 

Rodimus sputtered into his drink at Swerve's question, flushing brighter. "W-what? I never said anything about actually doing anything!, it's all just fantasies Swerve!" he protested in a hissed tone. 

Skids rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, well they do have a cute lil' figure. Bet they'd be a wild ride..." 

Swerve grinned slyly at Rodimus. "Aw c'mon Captain, don't tell me you ain't thought about it at least once! I bet they'd be real fun to break in, get all soft and pliable..." 

Rodimus smacked Swerve upside the helm. "Knock it off!" He shot a pleading glance at Ultra Magnus as if begging for rescue.

But unexpectedly, Brainstorm was the one who spoke up. "While the organic's flexibility is intriguing, directly interfacing could introduce unknown health risks or cultural taboos. Outside the fact our people have kept humans as pets and companions in the past. A more ethical approach would be gaining consent for strictly observational research."  

Riptide frowned. "Not sure the liaison would go for that either Storm" 

Swerve sighed dreamily. "Just imagine wrapping those soft squishy bits all around you though... bet they'd feel amazing..."  

"SWERVE." Magnus's warning tone silenced the cheeky bartender immediately. He turned back to Rodimus with a sigh. "Despite certain... Curiosities, directly engaging an organics  such a manner would be unwise, dangerous even, not to mention our form are much larger and could harm a human."

Rewind nodded gratefully at Magnus, relieved the subject was shifting. But the mischievous glint in Swerve's optic suggested his teasing wasn't over yet. It was going to be a long night indeed.

"Relax Mags I'm just riling these drunk mech up. Unless you're interested in our sweet little ambassador" he teases, making other bots choke on their drinks. 

Ultra Magnus's icy glare could have frozen Swerve's energon. "Need I remind you this conversation is highly inappropriate and unprofessional," he said sternly. 

But to everyone's surprise, Rodimus let out an undignified snort of laughter. "As if Magnus would ever break protocol like that! He'd probably recite the entire Autobot code of conduct while fragging."

The whole bar erupted in howls of mirth at the mental image. 

Swerve was nearly rolling on the floor. "Can you imagine?! 'Paragraph 3, subsection B clearly states interfacing with sentient aliens requires prior diplomatic clearance forms in triplicate!'" he cried in a mockingly stiff voice. 

Skids were wiping away fuel tears. "Primus if MR. RULES AND REGS ever broke the rules, it'd be one for the history archives!" 

Riptide jabbed Skids in the side. "Ten shanix says he'd have them memorising regulations the whole time!" 

"Twenty shanix says they'd run screaming first!" Swerve shot back. 

The bets and ribbing escalated as more mechs joined in. Across the table, Rodimus shoved Magnus playfully. "C'mon Magnus, live on the wild side for once!" 

Magnus's rumbling huff was the only response. Watching his rigid commander finally loosening up filled Swerve with delight. Somehow, some way, he'd find a way to get Magnus to break protocol yet! It was shaping up to be the best night ever.

"Ohhh let's make this fun. I list some bots and you say if you think they would hook up with a human" Riptide states. "Rung, Drift and Ratchet" he calls out the names.

Swerve let out a dramatic gasp. "Ooh spicy!"

"Rung is definitely curious but way too professional. Might let loose over a couple cubes of engex though!" 

Skids broke into hysterics at Riptide's suggestions. "Rung and a HUMAN?! Rung doesn't even touch his OWN interface panel!" 

Rodimus snorted. "Can you imagine? 'My dear, it seems you're experiencing some psychological interfacing blockers. Please, tell me how that makes you feel.'" 

"Drift guy's definitely intrigued by other species, if you know what I mean. Plus he's artsy so he'd probably appreciate the 'aesthetic'." Swerve responds

"Drift might go for it, he's open to new experiences," Rodimus mused with a grin. 

Brainstorm nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed, his spiritual philosophies suggest an openness to cultural exchange that others may lack. I think if he and ratchet weren't together its something he might try" 

"Ratchet. bah! As if that grumpy old rust-bucket would try anything so illogical. Unless she's a doctor too and starts quoting his favourite protocols... then all bets are off!" Skids laughed. 

"Ratchet? Nah, too much of a hard aft. He'd just bitch about human biohazards the whole time," Swerve giggled. 

"Well if Drift was interested I'm pretty sure that mecn could get ratchet to do anything with the bat of his optics" Rodimus remarks.

The table erupted in raucous laughter. Swerve took a playful bow. "Alright bring on the next victims!" 

Riptide rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, how about...Tailgate, Cyclonus, and Whirl?" 

Swerve cackled wickedly. "Tailgate would be way too nervous but he'd try for his Conjunx Cyclonus. Cyclonus would 100% use his broody vibes to charm her pants off but only for Tailgate. And Whirl? He doesn't interface, he destroys! So that liaison better watch her interfacing ports around that lunatic!" 

Chromedome interjects stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Tailgate would be way too nervous and shy, I think. He'd probably short-circuit just from holding hands!" 

Riptide nodded. "Cyclonus has always struck me as the kinky type. Wonder if he's into those squishy bits like Brainstorm thinks..."

"Whirl would frag anything that moves," Rodimus interjected with a grimace. "But I don't think an organic would survive the experience!"

Brainstorm stroked his chin. "Indeed, Whirl's interfacing protocol subroutines seem rather...enthusiastic. Consent might be a fleeting concept. Better to observe from a safe distance." 

Swerve shuddered. "Ugh, don't make me picture that psycho getting 'friendly' with a human! I'm tryna keep my fuel down y'know." 

The names continue being dropped. 

 " First Aid! I don't know if the medic-bot's got it in him to break the rules. But I betcha if he did, he'd be real gentle and caring-like. He'd have them feelin' better than new in no time!" 

Skids grinned devilishly. "Yeah but would they feel better? Aid's so straight and narrow I bet he'd put em in stasis lock from boredom!" 

"Now Perceptor on the other hand..." Swerve tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Bookish type, but you know there's a passionate scientist in there waiting to experiment. Think he'd go slow and methodical, really take his time 'exploring the specimen'." 

"his thirst for organic sciences might overpower his good sense," Rewind remarks. 

“optimus prime, Prowl and bumblebee ” Chromedome interjects with his own inquiries. 

Swerve pretended to wipe away exhaust fumes. "Primus help me, this is gonna be good... Optimus Prime is obviously Mister Morality himself, but you know he's got a secret wild side under all that virtue signalling. Just imagine how freaky he could get with some alien nookie!" 

The bar erupted in incredulous, drunken laughter and cheers. Swerve grinned impishly. 

"As for Prowl, I'm telling you that stick up his tailpipe is begging to come out and play. One roll in the berth with a naughty fleshy and he'd loosen up reeeal nice!" 

"And Bee? He's a sweet kid, but you know what they say, it's always the quiet ones! Between his cute lil' face and that tight chassis, he'd have the human lining up to frag that glitch right into stasis!" 

The bar absolutely lost it, bots falling over each other in drunken hysterics. Even Mirage was struggling not to fall off his chair. Swerve took an exaggerated bow as his audience howled. 

"Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all cycle! Now who's ready for the next round?" More shouts and clanking glasses answered his call. It was shaping up to be the wildest night at Swerve's yet!

 Magnus dropping Megatron's name that really sent them over the edge.

"Megatron?! With the liaison?!" Rodimus howled with laughter, nearly spitting out his drink. "That's the funniest thing I've heard all cycle!" 

But Swerve wasn't done. "Megatron? Now THAT'S an image! 'You pathetic fleshbag, you DARE try to mount the great Megatron?! Grovel before my interface array!'" 

Magnus adds more information which makes everyone surprised " He and the ambassador are rather close" He states

Rewind speaks up from Chromedome’s side. "Y'know... they do have a certain chemistry. I'll bet under all that scowling and chipped armour there's a softie just waitin' for the right tender touch to melt his spark. And they have got sass to spare  bet they could handle Megatron's brooding and snarl!" 

"Twenty shanix says he'd have them trembling and beggin' for mercy in no time flat!" Skids bet eagerly. 

"You're on!" crowed Riptide. "But I still think Perceptor's the real dark horse..."

[lets-try-some-writing]

Considering family for Cybertronians is important stuff like child support, daddy/mommy issues and whatnot would be confusing to them

Cons: We have your husband

June: You can keep him.

Bots: June??

June: And if you could would you please scare him into paying child support?

Bots,cons: ???

Oh yeah it would be confusing. Cybertronians have convoluted and complicated relationships, but let it not be said that they fail to be organized. A family on Cybertron can be anything from the Conjunxed couple and their wards to a collection of mecha related purely through paperwork, or perhaps not even through offical means. Whatever the case, Cybertronians make it a point to know their relatives when possible and to support one another if able. Regardless of the situation, if you are family, you are obliged to follow certain standards.

Any Cybertronian involved in the forging, raising, or mentoring of a newspark must be there in some capacity. Unlike humans, simple caste sharing and funding is more than enough in most circumstances. Strictly speaking, a Cybertronian doesn't even need parents, just a familial unit of some sort and a sponsor to ensure that newsparks are taken care of. Family units are loose, but the rules are not. Even Whirl would be morally obliged to at least turn up once and a while with either payment or wisdom to share with any newspark he helped create or got himself involved with as a mentor. It is not even a question on Cybertron. The scummiest mechs still know the rules, and generally speaking, it is in the best interest of all parties to follow the rules of sponsorship.

The larger the family, the more resources one theoretically has to call upon. Hence the interest in taking care of one's line. Humans though? Considering they are not functionally immortal and are not given the great equalizer that is in built weaponry, the rules are all but nonexistent. Children do not always have the power to get back at parents, and parents generally do not have as great an investment in their offspring since any offspring are not likely to bring back investment in a reasonable time frame, at least by Cybertronian standards.

The Cybertronians on Earth simply do not understand the plethora of broken homes amongst humanity. Even Megatron, while largely uncaring of the fleshies, is a tad confused when it comes to the lack of fathers or mothers in homes. Children murdering parents isn't anything new. Cybertron wasn't much better once one got into the higher castes. But parents abandoning their young? That's new. It was a code of honor on Cybertron for a mentor or caretaker to do everything their power to at least make an attempt to provide.

Jack's situation in particular gained the collective confusion of Bots and Cons alike. How could a Sire abandon his creation? Entirely too. It was strange. So strange in fact that Shockwave was momentarily interested in possibly testing the resiliance of the human family structure since, according to his assessment, some family units matched Cybertronian ones in strength where others were all but nonexistent.

It was nigh on culturally impossible to fully comprehend. The Cybertronian family is a messy thing, but even for the functionally immortal, there are rules.

Optimus: Your Sire left you? Without a word?

Jack: Yeah. Dad left when I was young and hasn't come home since.

Arcee: No financial aid? No instructional holovids? Nothing?

Jack: Nope. Haven't heard from him since I was little.

Ratchet: That's ridiculous! Your Sire should not have been given a warrant to engage in any mentorship, much less creation!

June: You can say that again.