#i already had red hair a couple years ago when my hair was as long as that picture of Crowley there

[k1ranishf4]

Can’t believe two fictional genderfluid entities are my only motivation to let my hair grow even though it’s so thick that I end up suffering

Like, my hair is already long enough to cosplay Loki and Crowley’s looks throughout the centuries just make me want to let it grow further

[ceoofglytchell]

Safe Haven

Summary: While Aemond searches for comfort with Madame Sylvi, the older brother has long chosen you, one of the Madame’s more expensive girls, to be the shoulder he cries on.

Pairing: Aegon II Targaryen x Brothel worker!Reader

Word count: 3127 words

Warnings: hurt/comfort, making out, brief nudity, brief smut, allusions to past smut, mention of sex work, mention of the death of a child, he’s kinda dependent on you, no mention of Y/N

Notes: I just wanted to thank you all for the positive reactions to my first fanfic! I could never have imagined people would actually read and like the stuff I write and I am very grateful for that. Also I would like to thank @danytar for supporting me ever since I started this blog, love ya! Anyways, here’s another one for you! 💛

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“Look, it's the king!”

You looked up from the cup of wine that you had been holding for some time, staring into the dark red liquid, hoping that tonight you would just have to sit there and look pretty for the men coming by to get rid of their loneliness for an hour or so. While you were grateful for your job, as it meant you wouldn’t have to live a miserable life on the dirty streets of King’s Landing, there were times when you wished you were someone else.

A lady from a rich house, a princess, a queen...

However, those were nothing more but daydreams and besides, you didn't really want to carry the burdens of royal life on your shoulders. Not when you had heard for many years how much they plagued a certain silver haired prince who came to you ever since he saw you dancing for some men once in Sylvi's fine establishment. It had been several years ago and at first he had actually only come to you to have someone to drink with. A little later, he had begun to open up to you and then you often dried his tears and held him in your arms whenever his grandfather and mother once again frightened him with the thought that he would have to wear the crown one day.

It had been two weeks since he had last been with you. The poor boy had stumbled into the brothel in the middle of the night, completely drunk, bumped into people and started a fight because he had thought you were taking care of another client, the thought of which he could not stand, which had not been true, as you had simply taken a small break. You had barely run into the room after you had been told he had come when he had already thrown himself directly into your arms and buried his face in your hair while sobbing bitterly.

The very next day, you and many other people had been dragged into the dragon pit to watch Aegon being crowned King of the Seven Kingdoms in front of everyone, and that moment your heart had broken for him, knowing how much he had never wanted that title.

Now, some time later, he was standing in the doorway again, his two friends Martyn and Leon were standing not far behind him and a young man with raven-black hair was also there, but you didn't recognize him and he seemed to be a little unwell. Aegon also seemed drunk, very drunk actually, as he was slurring his words and could hardly walk in a straight line, but when he spotted you on the opposite side of the room, a broad grin formed on his handsome face.

"My love!" he called loudly and stumbled past a couple, who seemed lost in a passionate dance, and ran up a small staircase to where you and some other girls were sitting on the sofas and talking to pass the time. His friends followed him cautiously, knowing how infatuated he was with you.

You quickly placed your golden cup of wine on the side table, stood up and approached him just to make sure he wouldn't trip and embarrass himself in front of all these people. He was the king after all and you knew some who already saw him as weak and incapable of ruling, which you wanted to shield him from. You knew what he had been through recently and it had only been a matter of time before he came back to you.

There was just one small problem... his brother had also come through the doors not too long ago and he had not left yet.

So you had two things to worry about that night: Aegon and not accidentally stumbling over Aemond.

As soon as you got close enough, Aegon wrapped his arms around your smaller frame and held you tightly against him, as if to make sure you wouldn't vanish into thin air. You have been his safe haven for quite some time now, and your mere presence did wonders for his troubled soul, your smile a balm for his heavy heart. Your long, wavy hair smelled of roses, and your body, wrapped in green satin robes, clung to his so perfectly that for a moment he thought you had melted into one. Aegon wanted nothing more than you and your closeness, which was why he had come here that evening. He had wanted to see you.

"I missed you," Aegon murmured into your hair, his fingers digging into the fabric of your robes over your hips to feel your warmth. But he would prefer it if you weren't wearing any clothes at all so he could feel your soft skin under his fingers instead. You didn't even have to do anything together, he just wanted to be close to you.

"I missed you too, Your Grace."

"Don't call me that," he grumbled into your shoulder and instinctively hugged you tighter. He came to you to feel free and forget some of the burdens that weighed on his shoulders, not for you to remind him who he was and that he wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be in the council chambers, talking to his council about the next steps of the war or just doing something, but instead he sought comfort from you - a whore.

"My Darling? Sweetling? Precious?" you joked playfully instead, while stroking his back with your gentle hands. You had used all of these names with him before, but he had never admitted which one was his favorite or whether he found them all to be terrible. However, you always thought he liked them better than some respectful noble title that he didn't want to wear anyway.

One of his friends, Martyn, cleared his throat and patted the young black-haired man on the shoulders, as if to tell his king that there was still something to do before he could devote himself to his own satisfaction.

His head shot up again immediately, which messed up his silver hair a little, which was not a very unusual sight for him, and he put an arm protectively around your waist, while he looked right back at his drinking companions. "Right, right. Dove, we are looking for the madam. This young lad here needs bedding in, gently. I thought she was the perfect choice, don’t you agree?”

Your lover wanted to go with you in the direction of the private rooms, but you managed to hold him back by the arm, whereupon he clumsily bumped back into you in his drunken state, but you were already used to that.

"Madame Sylvi is busy right now."

Aegon opened his mouth to reply, but thank the gods he was a little slower in his movements and reactions at the moment due to the influence of wine.

"However, I know someone else who would treat the boy well." You only had to snap your fingers once and one of the girls you had been sitting with on the sofas earlier came running over and quickly grabbed the boy's hand. She was a little younger than you, pretty, and talented. In your eyes, that was certainly better than interrupting the madam right now, especially considering who she was with in this very moment.

"You heard the woman. Go on, get going. And have fun!" Aegon called after the squire as he was being dragged into one of the back rooms by the whore you had called to help, whereupon he burst into loud, drunken laughter. You just rolled your eyes and shook your head, but a small glint within your gaze revealed how much you truly cared for the king no how much he meant to you.

It wasn't just the sack of gold he gave you after every night, or the sex that was important to you, but rather everything about him. You loved his loud laugh, the way he constantly sought your closeness, his urge to always touch you, you loved his jests just as much as the moments when he showed you how vulnerable and broken he truly was, when he just leaned on your shoulder and cried and you stroked his back and told him how good he was being and that he would always be enough for you. That was what you loved. You loved him.

"And what are we two going to do now?" you asked him, amused, to which he simply grabbed your hand in response and started to pull you along, while he didn't even look back at his friends, since you were everything that mattered to him. You were the only one who could ease his hidden pain.

Since he came here again and again especially for you, he knew his way around here like few other and knew exactly where the little alcoves were where two people could make themselves comfortable, be alone and spend time together. Luckily for the both of you, one at the beginning of the corridor had just become free, so you wouldn't run into a certain other Targaryen. You did not want an argument, not now.

As soon as Aegon had shut the curtain behind you both, he sighed and fell onto the soft mattress while you moved to lit the candles to make the atmosphere a little more pleasant. It smelled of candle wax and fire, but also of various perfumes and other fragrant oils that the previous guests had probably used before they had left again. You already knew that the hour he would spend with you would be either very nice or very heartbreaking. After all, you hadn't seen each other for two weeks and he certainly had much to talk about. You, on the other hand, could mostly only tell him the same stories about overzealous customers and strange preferences that the other women had told you about. Those talks didn't bore him, because he was sure that he would always be happy as long as you were with him.

For a moment you considered taking off your clothes and pulling him into your lap, but you decided against it when you saw that he was just staring into one direction, his good mood evaporating like a pile of ashes in the wind. You knew that look and it was usually never a good sign. He needed you. Now perhaps more than ever.

"Aegon?" you asked carefully and sat down next to him on the white sheets, which were a bit out of order and had stains in some places that you didn't want to think about too long.

"Come here, I need you," the king murmured and tugged at the ends of your robe, whereupon you chuckled and dropped down next to him on the round bed and immediately wrapped your arms around him and buried your head in the crook of his neck.

"I wish I could have been there for you. That night."

You knew the night he lost his son was a difficult subject and probably not what he wanted to talk about, or what he had come to you for, but you couldn't hold that thought back any longer. The other girls had told you how he had all the rat catchers hanged the next day and how hard it had been to watch the little prince's funeral march. You hadn't been there because you had things to do, but you weren't sure you would have watched it voluntarily either, because the regret would probably have eaten you alive.

All the time he spent with you, he could have spent with his children, but he was probably aware of that as well. But the regret didn't change his feelings for you, and you both knew that he would come back again and again and again. Sometimes you really believed he was as dependent on you as he was on dornish wine.

"They wanted Aemond, did you know that? It was supposed to be revenge for Rhaenyra's dead son, but because he wasn't there... because he wasn't there, they murdered my little son in his bed."

His grip on your waist tightened and you knew from his voice alone that he was close to tears, if they weren't already shining in his eyes. You would weep too if your child had been murdered, but you did not have one. A bastard would only hinder you from your work and you didn't want to lose your only source of livelihood, even if the thought of being a mother was one that often crossed your mind.

Especially if he would be the father...

"It's my brother's fault. It's all, all his fault. If it had not been for him, I would be far away from all this in the free cities or gods know where! I would not be king and my boy would still be alive!"

Aegon was sobbing now and you couldn't do anything but wrap your arms around him even more and listen to him speak, because if he didn't tell you, who else would listen to his thoughts? Certainly not his mother, not his brother anymore either, he rarely spoke to his sister-wife anyway and thus he only had you. You were the only one who always listened to him and who was always honest.

He wished he could have married you... You two could have lived a simple, beautiful life far away from King’s Landing, outside of Westeros. But neither of you were granted such a life. He was the king and you were just the whore he loved.

"Don't you have anything to say, love?"

You looked up from his shoulder and leaned over him so you could see his sad amethyst colored eyes and the tear that slowly made its way down his cheek, leaving a trail of wetness behind on his pale skin. You felt a brief urge to brush it away, but instead you let it fall and watched as the tear fell onto the velvet pillow that lay beneath his head, leaving a tiny black stain that would disappear in a matter of minutes. No one would ever know what you and the king did behind the curtain, but you knew that if you happened to be mentioned later on, history would describe you as nothing more than his mere mistress. Perhaps in this case you wanted to be forgotten entirely, for no writing would ever do justice to what you two had together.

The bond that bound you to each other was strong, but no one would ever know about it.

"What can I say, darling? There is nothing I can say except that I am deeply sorry, and I already did."

"Then don't say anything. Show me." As much as he tried to make it sound like a suggestion, it was a command. But you loved him too much to tell him that this was not the right way and that you were not exactly good for him. He wouldn't listen to you anyway. Two days later and he would be at your doorstep again. That's how it had always been and that's how it always would be. You would get gold for your efforts and he would kiss you goodbye and leave.

As always, you obeyed him and connected your lips with his. Two weeks without you had been too much for him. Aegon moaned into the kiss and pulled you closer to him, as close as humanly possible so that he could feel every feminine curve of your body pressed against his even though you were both still wearing your clothes.

Normally this would be the moment when he would turn you onto your back and rip those sheer robes from your body, but this time he did nothing of the sort and gave you full control.

Your tongue found its way into his mouth and you could still taste the heavy wine that was clouding his senses on his own tongue and it was clear that he had probably drunk a lot of before he had set foot in this establishment again, which you couldn't blame him for. If you had been in his place, you would probably have thrown yourself off one of the balconies of the Red Keep long ago, but he was stronger than that.

You kissed him desperately, pouring every emotion you had ever felt for him into that one kiss and he let it happen and he lost himself in it, he lost himself in you.

You managed to numb his senses better than anyone in the known world and perhaps that was another reason why he always found his way back to you in the end. But you let him in every time, which told him that you must feel for him too.

There were moments when he couldn't help but wonder if you were real. Not whether you existed, because he knew very well that you did, no, whether your affection for him was really genuine. Your smile, your laughter, the way you always sought his closeness whenever he was with you, and how gently you treated him all gave him the hope that you actually felt the same as he did, but he would probably never be sure. After all, you never refused his gold. Probably only then would he be sure that it was real.

Your gentle hands slowly brushed his coat from his shoulders and worked on the clasps of his tunic, believing that this was exactly what he wanted, because after all, he hadn't told you anything except that you should show him what you couldn't with words.

A short time later, you were both completely undressed and you moved your hips against his in a way that made his eyes flutter shut and left him gasping for air and groaning your name in pure bliss.

Fucking, alcohol and you were the only things that could distract him from being king or from wondering when the next time would be the stranger's shadow would fall upon his family and who it would be. It just couldn’t be you. If he lost you... he wouldn't know what to do.

Aegon was aware that none of this was good for him and that he should have stopped coming back to you years ago, but when you lay in his arms again a little later, breathing heavily, a light layer of sweat on your body and a happy, radiant smile on your face, he knew that no matter what happened, he would never let you go. You would always be with him, although unfortunately not as his wife, but he couldn't help his feelings and he wouldn't hide them from you.

"I love you," he whispered to you, his hand stroking your side soothingly and his head resting against yours.

"I love you too, Aegon."

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[baptismbaby]

✿ SMITTEN

soft!ellie x reader

summary: you and ellie have been together for three months. you felt it was finally time to take the relationship a step further.

warnings: fingering (r!receiving). that's it rlly. super sweet and has some fluff.

a/n: super short, I'm sorry!! it's hard writing fluff for some reason lol. sorry this isn't my best work:( brain was refusing to work with me on this one. rewrote it three times.

wc: 1.7k<3

Ellie Williams was in love.

Her heart was so full and she always wore a smile no matter where she went. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world. You met Ellie a couple years ago when you moved into Jackson. The two of you quickly hit it off and became close friends. Wherever Ellie was, you were there too. It became a thing in your friend group. If Ellie was nowhere to be seen, you were bombarded with questions asking if she was okay. The two of you always went on patrol together and very rarely went with anyone else. Ellie knew she had feelings for you for a long time but hid it from you. It wasn’t until a couple months ago when you finally admitted your own. You two were at your place watching a movie on the couch but not really paying attention. Instead, you were talking about old relationships and flings. When Cat was brought up, you let it slip that you were jealous of their relationship. Ellie kept prodding you to tell her what you meant by that but you refused until she finally kissed you. The next day, she was already bragging to Jesse and Dina about how you were finally her girlfriend.

Although the two of you have only been dating a few months, it felt like it was longer. The only change since entering a relationship with Ellie was that the two of you would kiss, hold hands, and cuddle. You were happy and comfortable in your relationship with Ellie but wanted to take it a step further. You were at your house with Ellie, who sat on the bed watching you pack your bag for the week. You practically lived with her at this point, only going to your place to exchange clothes.

“You wanna watch a movie when we get to mine?” asked Ellie, her head tilted and wearing a smile. You grinned back at her and nodded in agreement. “Good. I already have something picked out. I think you’ll like it.”

“And if I don’t?” you teased, sending Ellie a playful smirk. Ellie got up, pressing her chest against your back and wrapping her arms around you. You giggled as she picked you up and fell back onto the bed, your body now next to hers on the mattress. She crawled on top of you and gave you a quick, sweet kiss.

“I actually don’t know,” Ellie finally said. “I just wanted to kiss you.”

You smacked Ellie’s arm gently, shoving her off and getting back up. “You’re such a sap!”

“Mmm, not really.”

“Then what was that?”

“What was what?” questioned Ellie, trying hard to hide the smile growing on her lips. You rolled your eyes and decided not to answer, continuing to throw clothes in your bag. Ellie got up again and grabbed you. “Oh, you mean this?” Once again you were thrown on the bed, Ellie hovering over you and planting kisses on your neck as you laughed. You got quiet when she nibbled on your neck.

“E-Ellie?”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?”

Ellie pulled away, her face red from embarrassment. “Oh, sorry. I thought you’d like that,” she mumbled. The truth was that you did like it but was unsure what to say.

“Don’t be sorry, baby. It was nice. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Ellie grinned, leaning back down to kiss you. You kissed back, wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her to deepen the kiss. A groan came from Ellie’s throat when you gently tugged her short hair. You pulled away and stared up at her in awe. “What are you doing?” she asked this time.

“I thought you’d like that,” you replied.

“I do-I did, I mean. Yeah, it was nice.”

Ellie was suddenly aware of the wetness in her boxers. You looked so beautiful underneath her, your hair sprawled out around your head. Ellie wanted nothing more than to undress you and fuck you right here but that was something neither of you have even brought up yet. Ellie refused to ask because she didn’t want you to feel like she was pressuring you, meanwhile you were afraid to ask because it made you nervous. You were planning on mentioning it today and thought now would be the perfect time.

“Do you think we could… um… try something new?”

Ellie’s heart skipped a beat. “What do you wanna try, babe?”

“I was thinking that… um,” you trailed off, suddenly realizing how embarrassing it would be to ask. Even though you trust Ellie and you’re comfortable with her, you felt shy.

“C’mon, tell me,” Ellie urged. “You know you can tell me anything.”

You pouted and hid your face behind your hands. “God, this is embarrassing!”

“Sex?” Ellie suddenly asked. You peeked through your fingers and shrugged.

“Kinda? I’m not sure if I’m ready for sex sex but other things, yes.”

Ellie grinned and rolled off to the side of you, holding herself up with her arm and using her tatted one to pull you closer to her. “You want me to start?”

You nodded. “Yes, please.”

Ellie leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, then your cheek, nose, other cheek until she made it to your lips. The kiss was slow at first, her tongue brushing against your bottom lip so she could put it in your mouth. It became passionate, almost sloppy and desperate as her hands traveled down your body and stopped just above the waistband of your sweatpants. “Take this off,” she whispered against your lips. You lifted your hips off the bed and shoved them down quickly, revealing a black lacy thong. You usually wore boy shorts. Ellie glanced down at your panties and took a double take, her mouth slightly open in shock. “Fuck, babe. You put this on just for me?”

“Mhm,” you replied.

“Such a sweet girl. You should wear these more often.” Ellie stuck her hand down the front of the lacy thong and rested it against your heat. She could feel your slick gathering all over her fingers before she even had a chance to dip them between your slit. She moaned softly, feeling her own cunt grow wetter. She placed her middle finger on your clit, eliciting a gasp from you. She chuckled at your reaction and started to move her finger in a circle, paying close attention to your facial expressions. You hid your face in her shoulder as soft whimpers escaped your lips.

“Hey, don’t hide from me,” Ellie cooed. “I wanna see my pretty girl.”

You rolled your head back and made eye contact with Ellie, her face slightly red and her lips upturned in a smirk. “Is this what you wanted, honey?”

“Mhm!” you whined, bucking your hips forward as she picked up the pace.

“Does that make you feel good?”

“Y-Yes, Ellie.”

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

Ellie’s lips collided with yours once again, another sloppy make out session as she teased your hole with her finger. She finally slipped one in, causing you to moan loudly in her mouth. She pulled away to listen to your sounds of pleasure. It was almost pornographic how filthy you were being, moaning out a string of cuss words and repeating Ellie’s name over and over again. The sound of your wet pussy combined with your obscene noises made Ellie want to ruin you. But she knew better than that, it was the first time the two of you ever did something like this. She didn't want to rush anything. She was fine with moving slow. She loved you so much.

Ellie stuck another finger in, your tight cunt squeezing around her digits as a knot built in your stomach. You could tell you were close but wanted to hold on for as long as you could.

“E-Ellie,” you moaned.

“Yes, baby?”

“I-I’m about to-”

"Let go, baby," Ellie interrupted. "Cum for me."

As the feeling in your stomach grew stronger, your climax getting closer and closer, you couldn’t help but to say the three words you haven't said to Ellie yet. “I-I love you!”

Your orgasm finally hit, your legs trembling and your back arching. Ellie talked you through your orgasm, mumbling praises and saying how much she loved you. She took her hand out of your panties and laid down beside you.

“You don't know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that,” whispered Ellie. You looked over at her, a smile growing on your face as you tried to catch your breath. Ellie wrapped an arm around you and pulled you closer. “You did so good, baby. Do you feel okay?”

You nodded, still unsure if you could even speak. Your throat felt sore. You tried to raise up to get water but quickly laid back down again, your body too weak to move. Ellie chuckled. “You need something, honey?”

“W-Water," you responded, your voice slightly raspy. Ellie looked around until her eyes landed on the water bottle sitting on your dresser. She reached over and grabbed it, opening it up for you and raising your head up so you could get a drink. She set it back down once you finished.

“M-Much better,” you said after clearing your throat. “That was really good, Ellie. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

The two of you laid there silently, holding each other close and thinking about what just occurred.

“Ellie, I meant what I said,” you vocalized. “I really love you.”

Ellie smiled, her tummy fluttering at your words. “I love you too, dork.”

You huffed. “Hey, don’t call me dork!”

“You're my dork,” Ellie continued, ignoring the soft blows to her shoulder. “You wouldn't be so mad if it wasn't true.”

“Oh shut it, Els,” you laughed. You rested your head on her shoulder and held her tighter. You wanted to ask if you could return the favor. You wanted to make Ellie feel good too but you were getting drowsy, your eyelids growing heavy. You gave in and shut them, falling asleep a couple minutes later. Ellie’s smile never went away. She couldn't stop thinking about you admitting you loved her too. She was one lucky girl.

[imaginesmai]

Right around the corner - Azriel (5)

AHHHHH this is the final part and let me tell you I'm SAD. It was so hard to write the ending you all deserve after all this love, so I tried my best. Let me know what you think! Also, you deserve A LOT, so I made it long hehehe. Don't worry, a request about the RATH universe is coming soon! If you want one too, drop it in my inbox!

(1), (2), (3), (4)

Plot: The story of how Azriel fixed what was broken, and how you forgave him.

Warnings: this is sad, but has a happy ending! Also, mental health issues.

No one expected the sidra to froze that year, and against everyone expectation, one day Velaris had woken up to see the riven covered by a silver layer. Children had missed school to skate in the solid surface, parents watching carefully from the edge. Some couples were skating too, holding hands and giggling endlessly.

You had been watching the new scene unfold all morning. And while you usually loved snow and ice as much as any child in town, you were starting to get a little sick of all the noise.

It wasn’t your new employee situation, who had been staring at the river all morning. She had already finished her duties, but always the polite and nice girl, Elain Archeron was keeping you company.

When you spotted for the third time the familiar red-head through the glass and she didn’t say anything, just sighed, you decided you had enough.

“You should tell him to get in before he freezes to death” you commented, still busy with measuring the ingredients.

“Oh, no” Elain blushed and looked away from the window. “No. He’s just… He can wait”

“He can, but doesn’t have to. You and Lucien should head out, rent ice skates and have a fun day. You already finished here” you smiled kindly at her, and before she could reply, you added. “I’m fine, I don’t even like cold weather. And I still need to finish this, which you can’t help me with. So, go”

Elain stared at you with uncertainty, and you tried to look as convinced as possible. Would you have liked her to stay? After all, she was one of the few people you socialized with these days. She had turned in when you opened the bakery again, right after you posted the sign about looking for a new partner.

And even if you had had your doubts when you discovered she was Feyre’s sister and Azriel’s friend, you considered her your own friend.

So, yeah, you would have liked her to stay. Because you were still awfully sad all the time, and her company was one of the few things that made your day better. But you being sad didn’t excuse her missing a wonderful day with her mate.

“It’s not closing time yet” her eyes danced between the glass and you. “He was supposed to wait for me at the house”

“Guess he’s too eager to see you. He’s been dancing around the bakery for a good hour” you chuckled. “Elain, I mean it. Go. Have fun. I’ll see you on Monday”

“Y/N, I promise I don’t mind waiting. It’s not like it will unfreeze”

“And I promise I don’t mind at all. So, go, have fun and tell me about it on Monday” you gripped her hand softly over the counter, nodding to the waiting mal outside. “Come on, go”

Lucien was once more outside the bakery, the only visible part of him his red hair. He was covered in thick layers, but still managed to smile when Elain kissed your cheek and took her coat on the way out.

You didn’t have it in you to watch them be affectionate with each other, so you looked down at your task and decided it would be the last of the day.

It was hard watching all those couples walking hand in hand and remembering the feel of his warm, scarred hand in yours. To hear a man laughing and remember the unexpected laughs you dragged out of him sometimes. Even looking at the river was painful, because you could almost see the ghost of Azriel and you learning how to skate in a frozen lake in the Illyrian mountains a few years ago.

You had seen Azriel around a few times now, walking through your bakery and waving at you through the glass. Two times he had been waiting at the door when it was late at night, silently walking you home from afar without talking. Almost two months had passed by and your feelings were still as messed up as before.

Though you didn’t cry as much as before, and you were starting to get better, you still wondered.

If Azriel getting help would mean your relationship would be fixed, or if it was broken permanently. Deep in your thoughts, and used as you were to Azriel’s shadows, you didn’t notice how they tugged on your apron until the door sounded again.

Elain’s name didn’t leave your lips, because as soon as the door opened, you lost your breath.  As if you had summoned him, Azriel walked through the door, beautiful as ever. He wasn’t in his usual training leather, but winter clothes that fit him as a glove. Instantly, you noticed he had lost weight. His shoulders were slumped and his body didn’t carry the usual grace of an Illyrian warrior.

“Hi”

His scarred hands, that had held you so many times and slaughtered so many enemies, were tucked in his coat’s pockets. You could feel the nervousness through the bond, the hesitance. Too stunned to answer, you only stared at him.

You had known that, eventually, he would talk to you. That you would have to do more than just wave at each other through the glass and stay silent when he sent you details through Elain. But still, you hadn’t expected it.

Unable to move, you only blinked.

“I saw Elain and Lucien heading out” he added, not looking away from you. “It’s a nice day outside”

Azriel hadn’t finished before one of his new shadows scaped his control, sneaking around the counter. The familiar ones, that had been by your side since he left, danced around the new intrusion. It lifted your apron, and crawled up your neck.

The cool feeling was the last of your worries, because no matter how much you willed yourself to say something, you couldn’t even tear your eyes from him.

The bond flickered between the two of you, once more. Knowing that it was one-sided, that he didn’t wear it like you did, made break your trance.

“She’s finished for the day” you explained, sounding way more confident that what you felt.

“It’s a nice day, yeah” he repeated, not giving you time to feel awkward before he continued “I thought that maybe you wanted to take a walk with me. It’s cold, but we could… get coffee. Or chocolate, if you want”

Azriel gave you a half, broken smile. Hearing his voice again made you take ten steps backward.

“I have things to do”

You looked down to your current task, which could be easily discarded. You had left much important things half-done because of him, and you would have done it normally without a second thoughts. But no matter how heartful the conversation at your door had been, you just knew you weren’t ready to have a conversation without getting angry.

You knew you weren’t ready to forgive him.

His new shadow gripped your wrist tightly before disappearing, and you heard Azriel’s doubt. He wanted to say something else, and you wanted too. Still, you fell back to your measuring and ignored the way your vision blurred, how your knees became weak again.

Maybe going back to your duties was the only way not to break down again.

The silence continued for a long minute. You couldn’t not feel his presence, the way his scent filled the bakery and made your stomach turn. Your heart recognized what you needed, what you wanted, and threatened to jump out of your chest.

Before you could regret your words, Azriel opened the door again.

“You’re forgetting the yeast” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

When you looked up again, he only smiled. You opened your mouth to tell him to wait, maybe to fuck off and never come again. You didn’t have time, because Azriel closed the door behind him and he was gone.

The first tear fell against the unformed dough, followed by many more. You wouldn’t be finishing the blueberry cake that afternoon, you realized, as you crunched behind the counter and cried.

-

There was a storm coming, and everyone in Velaris had had the same idea – run to the market, buy everything they needed for a few days, and crowd themselves at home with their loved ones. You were trying to follow the first part of the plan, not having anyone to go home anymore. And if that wasn’t enough reason to drag you down, the crowd was getting intense.

Velaris’ market was a beautiful place, full of shops and nice vendors. But that day, the space felt too small.

You already had a few bags with you, yet there were a few more to go. Wanting to finish as soon as possible, you had ignored the rational part of your brain and had gotten in the middle of the crowd. You had only managed to buy milk and pasta, and still had a long way to go.

After Azriel’s brief appearance, your life had been messier than before. He had come by the bakery at least five times more, always offering you some kind of plan you rejected. Going to the park, for a flight or to a coffee shop. Taking walks, watching the sunset or training together.

You lived now half-prepared to see him walking through your door again, and not having the heart to tell him no. You weren’t sure if that thought frightened or comforted you.

In your haste, you had almost forgotten to buy provisions for the storm, and had found yourself on the worst day to do them. Crowded, loud and suffocating, that was how you would describe the market at that moment.

The fact that most people ran with their children and family wasn’t helpful at all.

Most of the times, it was Azriel who did the last-minute shopping for you. He knew you didn’t like crowds, loud places, that you did best in your bakery where only five people were allowed at a time.

Another shove broke you down from your daydreaming, and you looked back to see a pregnant woman staring with her eyebrows furrowed.

“The line is moving” she spatted, pointing to the small space ahead of you. “If you don’t move with it, you should step out”

“Oh, no” you chuckled softly. You picked up the bags on the ground and took the two small steps that you were supposed to. “Sorry, I just thought I could take a little bit more space. It’s crowded here”

“I don’t mind crowds, so if you want to step back, let me get first. I’m in a hurry”

“Me too” you gave her a polite smile, mindful of her state.

The short distance that separated you from the customer on the front was certainly not enough, and she knew it. Still, she looked at you with disapproval. There were only five more people to go until it was your turn, you could buy your snacks and run to the next stall.

You thought you could ignore the glare at the back of your neck, and you did for a few minutes. Without meaning to, you thought how everything with Azriel was easier. Not only people wouldn’t dare to talk to him like that, but also, he assured you a good meter of distance between you two and the rest of the world with his wings.

The snacks on your hands almost fell when, not even two seconds after the man took three steps forward, you were shoved again.

That time, when you looked back, the woman was accompanied by her mate. His wings covered her from the people behind them.

“You should really step out of the line” she repeated. “You might have all the time in the word, but we are in a hurry”

“Me too. You can’t expect me to be glued to that man” you tried to explain, anxiety coiling in your stomach. “He just moved”

“And you didn’t, which proves my point. Besides, it’s obvious you only have a few things. We have more”

“Which should be enough reason to let me go first, not only because I was here before you” you shrugged, feeling even more uncomfortable when the male huffed a laugh. “Maybe it’s you who shouldn’t have come here today if you can’t wait in a line”

You weren’t a threat for the woman, and you were trying really hard to be polite and prove your point. Besides, being pregnant wasn’t an easy task, and you could tell she was far along. Maybe you should have let her pass, or maybe told her to fuck off.

But before you could argue further, something clicked in the male’s eyes, wide with recognition.

And you would have preferred for him to go full berserk mode on you. Because you recognized that look, you had been receiving them for a while now.

The male elbowed the woman’s side softly, pointing with his chin towards you. You didn’t have time to turn back and avoid the conversation, because he spoke.

“You’re the shadowsinger’s mate” he announced, loud enough to make a few heads turn.

“Oh” the woman finally connected the dots and lunged forward to grab your arm so tight you couldn’t shake her off. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry” you pushed your arm back, trying to let go.

While the woman apologized, you couldn’t help but listen to the whispers. The same ones you had heard in your bakery and through the streets. Some of them thrown in your face by rude or nosy customers that didn’t understand the concept of privacy, others by bystanders.

At the end, it was the woman who said it out loud, confirming what everyone in the small circle that had formed at the cue was wondering about. She finally let go of your arm and crossed hers in front of her body.

The look of pity wasn’t as bad as the confirmation.

“He rejected you, right?” it wasn’t a question, not when you didn’t answer and she continued. “We heard you’ve been mated for almost a century and he doesn’t want the bond. Is that true?”

It wasn’t true, but you didn’t have the heart to correct her. Instead, you turned around and used your wing-less privileges to sneak through the crowd. You kept your head down, as if that could stop you from hearing the comments or feeling the stares.

People had come up with an alternative version where Azriel and you had been mated for decades, for centuries. Where you had cheated on him or he had changed you for someone else. You had even heard that he had bonded with another person and had kicked you out of the house, and that you had been the one rejecting the bond.

Each version was farthest from the truth than the last one, but they all hurt the same. The crowd didn’t seem to get thinner no matter how deep you got in the market. Once the people who had heard the conversation were left behind, new people crowded you, worried about the girl panicking and running through the middle of the market.

There were a few occasions where you thought you would fall, where you tripped and almost embarrassed yourself farther. You had almost made it to the back entrance of the market when you finally realized you were tripping no more. There was no longer a crowd around you, nor whispers or hands reaching your way.

It took you another few steps to fully stop and assess the situation. When you looked back to see where the crowd was, you were met with a broad chest inches away from you. Through tearful eyes, you recognized Azriel’s wings tucking you away from people, his mere presence pushing them away.

You met his hazel eyes, full of worry and regret. His hair was longer, covering his brow, but you found comfort in his crooked nose, in his freckles, that you knew so well.

You noticed in his hands your bags that had been left in the stall, a new one with the snacks you were about to buy.

“What – what are you doing here?” you choked out, too grateful for the sudden moment of peace to wonder about anything else.

“I felt you through the bond, a few hours ago. Anxious and…” he stopped himself, his eyes scanning every tear that marked your cheeks. “I was just getting here when it got worse. I heard most of it. I’m –”

“Don’t say you’re sorry” you interrupted him. “It’s not your fault”

Out of the many things that were indeed his fault, people not minding their own business wasn’t his. You were used to him blaming himself for everything, from wars in other courts to people fighting in the street. The response came naturally.

Your nose was cold and runny, your hands frozen in your pockets, and your feet hurt. Besides all of that, you felt all wrong. Because you enjoyed his presence, because what they said, and because you couldn’t help but calm down when he was close.

Azriel didn’t say anything when you took the bags from his hands, thanking him quietly. He didn’t say anything as more people walked away from him, either because of his wings or because they recognized him.

“You don’t like last minute shopping”

It was a pointless observation, but it was better than to comment on how afraid he had been when, just outside the market, he felt the bond snap with urgence. His shadows knew where you were, and that you needed him, but even he had trouble running through crowds. Azriel also couldn’t talk about how mad he had been at everyone in that stall, how his new shadows had turned off every light and almost chocked them to death.

Azriel wanted to say that you were probably cold because you didn’t like your own coats, and most of the times wore one of his. He wanted to hug you, too, to feel you between his arms after what felt like an eternity and promise you that it would end well.

But he couldn’t say anything more than the obvious.

“I had to” you answered.

With a furious fist, frustrated at life, at him and at you, you brushed the tears off your cheeks. You could tell that he wanted to keep talking, and you did too. Since your last encounter, you had come up with more conversations you should have.

You stared at each other for what seemed forever. There were details that you had almost forgotten in your sorrow – like his long lashes, that you teased him about. Or the freckle that snuck up to the corner of his left eye. The way his mouth rose higher from the right, and the small scar on his ear from where Cassian dared him to wear an earring.

Only his face was enchanting enough to help you forget about the day, about the weight of your chest. It was the first closing call from the market, that sounded through the public speakers, that broke you away.

“I should go”

“I should go”

You talked at the same time, and you smiled softly when you pointed to different directions. You didn’t miss how his eyes fell to your mouth, how his own lifted up too.

“I could walk you back” he offered, not tearing his eyes away from your mouth. “If you let me”

You didn’t answer immediately. Those last words, that he had repeated so often lately, almost had you saying yes. You could almost imagine how it would go – him walking by your side, one of his wings behind your back. His elbow brushing yours, and his gaze fixed on you.

Your smile dropped when you remembered the times you had walked just like that, tucked together. The times you had waked by yourself through Velaris with his imprint on you, and the times he had left without a trace of your presence.

Azriel knew the answer before you said it, and his shoulders dropped slightly.

“Sorry”

That time, you decided to turn away before he could. Taking the back exit was a poor choice, knowing it was farther from your house than the main one, but you couldn’t picture yourself walking through the market without Azriel keeping the crowds a step away.

So you turned around, gripped your bags tight and didn’t tear your eyes from the ground during the whole way back.

-

It wasn’t Azriel who found you the time everything changed, but you.

The cold and winter were over, the streets were clean and the sun was out. It was a perfect day to spend outside, and Elain seemed fixed in throwing you out of your own shop. She claimed that the bags under your eyes were as dark as the night, and that your skin was so pale that she couldn’t tell the flour stains apart from it.

“Just for the record, you’re kicking the owner of the bakery out of the bakery” you stated, looking at her once more from the door. “You do realize that shouldn’t happen, right?”

“I’m helping a friend come out of her ghost-like season” she replied, still decorating muffins. “And you do realize that most shops close on Sunday’s, right?”

“Certainly not a bakery” you looked to the empty fountain at her right. “If we do it together, we will – “

“If you touch one single item of this bakery, I’m banning you from the kitchen for a month”

You doubted she meant it, she could. But still, you sighed and turned around to open the door. You weren’t an extrovert, certainly not an outsider. Since you were a child, you liked your kitchen, your house, and your space. And none of those things were outside the door.

But you actually feared what the fae you left behind would do if you turned back. Elain had already hidden your apron so you couldn’t put it on, and had threatened to mismatch the soy milk with normal one.

Giving her a last, tight smile through the glass, you walked towards the center of Velaris.

Not many people were outside that soon on a Sunday morning, but you were glad for her insistence the moment the sun kissed your face. The cold weather was disappearing and you could feel warmth across your cheeks. It was still cold, and it would be for at least another week, but the change in the weather promised a happy spring.

You walked aimlessly around Velaris, stopping to watch the Sidra move every now and then. Your feet carried you through unfamiliar streets, all of them filled with colors and smells. The longer you walked, the healthier you felt. Each step felt like a weight lifted from your chest, and you even smiled to a few usuals you found in the streets.

The main square peeked through the streets. It wasn’t your usual destination, too crowded and not as pretty as other parts of the town. But you still walked through it, feeling at ease and happy.

It had happened before, usually the days before you started your cycle, and you should have known the feeling of ease had nothing to do with the weather or the walk. It had happened and it happened again, just as you rounded a corner to walk in the square.

If, by any chance, Azriel hadn’t noticed you coming, the shadows that tugged him away from where he was standing would have made it obvious.

His eyes widened when he saw you, and you felt that peaceful feeling making its home for the day. There was no sorrow, no sadness, and none of the usual feelings that lately you felt when it came to him.

You cursed yourself stupid when you realized that you cycle was coming, and that every year you were in a mood until Azriel showed up, your hormones demanding your mate.

“Y/N”

Your name fell from your mouth and just by hearing it you noticed something different. It was new, and at the same time, you thought you recognized it somehow. You looked to his empty hands, to the syphons on his shoulders and chest and truth-teller on his side.

It looked like you had interrupted something important to him. But instead of running away from him like the last two times, you took a step closer.

“Are you going on a mission?” you pointed with your chin to his leather, eyes stopping at his chest. There was that thing, that you couldn’t name.

“Just came back. I was…”

Azriel looked to the building he just exited and for a moment, in silence. You had met a bunch of times since the incident in the market, and you had started having longer conversations. About the weather, about your bakery, and even about his family, who you finally knew officially.

Certainly, your relationship had improved, although it wasn’t just fixed yet. When he didn’t answer, you were reminded of all the times he had kept things to himself, either out of fear or doubt.

He seemed to doubt between telling you and keeping it to himself. Any other time, you knew, he would have kept it to himself. He had done it, in the past – when you asked him about his job, or tried to understand his past. Many times where he had evaded the truth or his emotions.

Your mood, that had been in a rush since you left the bakery, fell a little at his silence. He looked torn and you were ready to leave, before he answered.

“This is Madja’s house. I meet her here so we can talk, usually during the week” he looked back at you, watching the surprise of his statement. “But something happened and I needed to talk to her”

“What happened?”

Azriel’s lips were pressed tight, debating on whether he should tell you or not. He wouldn’t have doubted about it a year ago – he wouldn’t tell you, because in his eyes, it would only hurt you more than he already had. But he had learnt new things, and had realized that a relationship was built on trust. And that his fears, his perception of the reality, had broken yours.

He had cut the mission short when he had noticed, though he wasn’t sure he had ever done something like that. Azriel didn’t know what had triggered it, why it happened in the Winter court and not anytime sooner.

Madja, of course, had had an answer ready – an answer that had left him staring at her door for long twenty minutes before you appeared.

“Kallias should have sent something to Rhysand, but he didn’t” he started, not sure why he was traveling so far from the event. “So I went to check. Turns out someone must have taken it and, well, I tried to…”

He trailed off before he could finish, aware of your confusion. You never talked about what he did for Rhysand, in any court. No matter how big or small was the assignment, he didn’t tell you about it.

But that wasn’t what your confusion was about, at least not all of it. You couldn’t possibly notice because you had given it for granted since the beginning, but Azriel did notice. He noticed the change as soon as it happened, and babbled when he explained to Rhysand what he should have been feeling for years.

Had explained to Madja moments ago, who had given him a knowing smile and a proud nod.

“I accepted the bond” he confessed, continuing before you could say anything else. “I don’t know how, or why, but I was there and suddenly I was hit with – with this in my chest, and I don’t know why it wouldn’t happen sooner”

“You accepted the bond” you repeated, looking between his chest and face.

“I don’t know how, or why now. I was, thinking… And it hit me” Azriel smiled sadly, not saying what his thoughts were about – what they had been about since that night. “I didn’t want to tell you, because, this is, you don’t have to do anything now. Me accepting the bond doesn’t change what I did”

Azriel hadn’t meant to tell you, neither to be so vague and ridiculously nervous about it.

It had been a surprise when, in the middle of a conversation, he felt it. He had been thinking about you, because there were flowers and they were pretty against the cold weather, and to him, you were the prettiest thing the Cauldron had made. One moment Kallias had been going through the last movements of the package and the next the high lord was looking at him with raised brows.

Congratulating him for something that should have happened six years ago.

“It’s not that I didn’t want the bond before, Y/N” he continued when you didn’t say anything. “I promise you, I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t know that I deserved it”

Azriel had thought, and he still wanted to, that you so pretty that you were meant for someone else. That it was borrowed time, that he didn’t deserve the bond just as he didn’t deserve you. With Madja and Rhys, they had had deep conversations about his mental health, about his version of life where he lived through a glass of pain and rejection.

As he stared at your surprised form, he tried not to let hope leak into his heart. He knew it didn’t fix what was broken, but he hoped it was the first step of a long recovery to win you back.

Only if you could confirm or deny, instead of stare at him.

“Say something” Azriel finally broke, almost begged. “Whatever you want. Just say something”

And you wanted to, because wasn’t that what you had wanted? You had fooled yourself lately thinking about may what ifs. What if he had accepted the bond in the bagging, what if he had told you that he wasn’t fine, that he was broken and needed help.

What if you had helped him and not rushed things when he wasn’t ready. Now, it felt like the Cauldron was giving you that opportunity, only that you didn’t know how to react.

You finally looked away from him and decided to give an experimental tug on the bond, to see if anything had changed.

It had.

“Az”

It was a chuckle, maybe the beginning of a cry. It was anger but also relief because what came back from that tug wasn’t what you usually felt. It was stronger, solid, as if there was a physical string between your bodies that kept you linked.

Usually, it was just an intense feeling that was enough for you. But now that you felt him tugging back, felt him loving you, you couldn’t hold back another laugh. He shoved down through it everything he felt – adoration, love, joy. Many fears that had you stumbling towards him, and pain.

So much pain that your smile dropped. His dropped too, and you felt the bond getting fainter.

“That’s another reason. I didn’t want you to feel… that” Azriel retreated the bond farther. “I have so many fears and pains here that I couldn’t even imagine sharing them with you. And that – “

“You don’t have to feel ashamed” you cut him off, your voice hoarse. “I love you the same”

Words were unnecessary when you hugged his middle and buried yourself in his chest. He curled around you, like he had done so many times.

The channel snapped open again, and you just closed your eyes tightly. It was an endless source of emotions, and it broke you that most of them were bad. There was rejection, from so many people that it felt like an angry, black bull coming your way. Sadness that felt overwhelming and never ending, always coming in waves when Azriel didn’t expect it.

You also felt disgust, and you only held him tighter when you discovered it was self-disgust. Not only at the things that he had done, but also at what had been done to him. The scars on his hands, the shadows around him. He had hated himself for so long he had forgotten how to love.

But then, at the bottom, there was something bright, and that part you realized it was only dedicated to you. There was his family too, but it wasn’t as intense as his love for you. Everything that he lacked during his life, that he yearned for, was tucked where it mattered the most.

“I love you” he whispered against your head, softly. “I love you”

You didn’t answer, just raised your head until you could brush your lips against him. Later, you would have time to blame the cycle, which you wouldn’t get for another two months, or the emotions of the moment. But you knew it was just what you needed, what you both deserved, when you felt him kissing back.

At the beginning, it was just his lips against yours, and it was enough. Your noses brushed each other, you got on your tiptoes and his wing cocooned both of you. His hands only pressed you tighter against his body when you moved your lips against his, brushing the edge of your tongue against his bottom one.

Azriel could barely keep himself straight when you silently asked for permission to open his mouth, which he happily obliged.  

From that moment, it was crashing. The kiss was only a physical proof of your feelings traveling through the mated bond, so wild and intense you couldn’t tell which one was his or yours.

“I’m sorry, darling” he whispered against your lips, giving you no time to reply. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for being a coward. I’m sorry”

“I forgive you. We don’t keep secrets anymore” you managed to say between kisses.

“Never” Azriel answered while leaving kisses on your cheeks and nose.”

“And we’ll talk about our emotions, and feelings. You’ll tell me about your life when I ask”

“Always”

“You won’t close off to me” you pulled his head away and made him look at you.

While you held his face between your hands, Azriel smiled. It was a different smile from the previous ones, from the ones you had seen so far. It was carefree, loving, and yours.

Your thumb brushed the corner of his eye, his upper cheek, the border of his nose.

“I’m here, Azriel. Always. So you don’t have to hide anything from me, or to be ashamed or afraid. I’m here” you closed the distance once more, controlling the kiss by holding onto his face. “Right around the corner”

“Right around the corner” he repeated, dipping his head and sealing all his promises with another kiss.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

Right around the corner taglist:

@lesliemurillo @impossibelle @polli05927 @florencemtrash @going-through-shit @minakay @setayeshmohseni @torchbearerkyle @esposadomd @amysangel @kennedy-brooke @originalcrusadetrash @luvmoo @historygeekqueen @marriedtolike18fictionalmen @wallacewillow0773638 @tothestarsandwhateverend @kristalhi @knmendiola @nikt-wazny-y @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @wallacewillow0773638 @clara-geekhime @kalulakunundrum @saltedcoffeescotch @originalcrusadetrash @mel-wcst @ailyr92 @bubybubsters @chickensrock3 @tothestarsandwhateverend @topaz125 @wallacewillow0773638 @just-m-2 @theravenphoenix26 @glitterypirateduck @a-frog-with-a-laptop @justdreamstars

[lupinqs]

CHAPTER ONE ━━ Fractured Bonds

☆ ━ pairing: hopkins!paige x oc (dani callan)

☆ ━ word count: 4.2K

☆ ━ warnings: lots of angst (sorry), pretty dialogue heavy

☆ ━ links: my masterlist, take me to church masterlist

☆ ━ author’s note: okay i know dani may look like a bad person, but ntm on her yet!!! there is a reason i swear

THE LATE AUGUST sun hangs high in the sky, bathing the Minneapolis airport in a warm, golden light as Paige steps out of the terminal. When her eyes set on her dad and Drew, her face breaks out into a large grin. She hugs them, lets her little brother grip onto her leg, ruffling the boy’s hair. She’s home—and thank God for it. The summer was fun, of course, filled with basketball camps, tournaments, endless travel, and a nice week spent with her friend Azzi Fudd’s family. But it was a little bit exhausting, and, by the end of it, all Paige had longed for was to be home, with her family, with her friends, with Dani. Her heart races with the thought of finally being back in the presence of her best friend—well, she supposes they’re more than that now.

As soon as Paige drops her bags into her dad’s SUV and slides into the passenger seat, she pulls out her phone and eagerly clicks on Dani’s contact, calling her. She can already imagine the smile on Dani’s face when she hears Paige’s voice. The way her eyes would light up and that infectious laugh that Paige adores.

The phone rings once. Twice. Then a third time. And then…

“Hey, this is Dani. Sorry I can’t get to the phone right now. Leave a message, and I’ll get back to you!”

The voicemail beeps and Paige frowns, the joy and pure excitement she felt moments ago faltering just a bit. She didn’t expect Dani to answer on the first ring—the brunette isn’t one to be glued to her phone—but the voicemail still surprises her. Paige stares at the screen, before pressing the red “End Call” button.

Instead of leaving a message, Paige opts to text her best friend, assuming she’ll probably get a quicker response that way anyways.

Paige ❤️‍🔥

Hey I just got back home do you wanna do something later?

I really wanna see you I’ve missed you sm

Paige sends it, sighing as she drops her phone into her lap. She feels her dad’s gaze on her from the driver’s seat and she turns, seeing his arched brows. He begins to pull out of the parking lot as he asks, “Everything okay, P?”

“Yeah,” Paige replies, sulking a little bit. She knows she’s being a tad dramatic, but she can’t help it—this is the longest she’s ever been away from Dani and all she wants is to see the girl again, talk to her, hug her, kiss her… “Was just tryna get ahold of Dani, is all. I haven’t talked to her since, like, June. Do y’know if she’s back from camp yet?”

Paige remembers when Dani sent her that text about a week after Paige left, telling her that she was going to some summer camp for the next couple months or so and she wouldn’t be able to talk to Paige since they were taking her phone. The blonde had thought it was weird that Dani was even going to a summer camp at all—she’s always hated those things. But Paige had merely accepted it and told her to have a good time, all the while her chest aching at the thought of complete radio silence between her and the Callan girl for the next couple months.

“I’m not sure,” Bob says, rubbing his chin a little as he drives, keeping his eyes on the road. “Haven’t seen her around at all, so I doubt it. You seen her any, Drew?”

In the back seat, Drew perks up at the sound of his name, saying, “No… I wish I have, though. I miss her almost as much as I missed you, Paigey.”

Paige glance to the back, grinning at her younger brother. “Missed you, too, Drewski.” But then the blonde’s mind trails back her best friend, shaking her head as she says, “I thought she’d be back by now, though. School starts in, like, three days.”

“Well, if she is back, I’m sure she’s just getting ready for the school year again. You know, Paige, even though you don’t, she still has to do all of her college applications. That takes up time; she’s probably just focused on that,” Paige’s dad reasons, giving his daughter a reassuring smile. He’s probably not wrong; Dani’s always been the type of person that’s practically manic about her grades and anything that has to do with college, even though Paige knows she’s certainly smart enough to get into most schools that aren’t, like, Ivy’s, of course.

So, Paige nods absently to her father’s words, gazing out the window as the familiar streets pass her by. She knows she shouldn’t be so paranoid and weird about this, but something about Dani not contacting her or answering her call just rubs Paige in the wrong way a little bit. They’ve barely talked since that night back in May—before Paige had left for the summer—and, almost as soon as Paige did leave, things began to seem a bit… weird. Off. But Paige tries to shrug that feeling off, convincing herself that everything is gonna go back to normal once they’re together again.

Eventually, the car pulls into the driveway and the three Bueckers get out, hauling Paige’s bags inside the house. As they’re heading in, Paige sneaks a glance at Dani’s house. The lights are off, there’s no car in the driveway—it looks as if nobody’s home. In a way, that actually relieves Paige a little bit; it probably just means that Dani really is busy and has a valid reason for not answering Paige’s call or text.

When Paige finally has all of her things thrown across her bedroom floor, she collapses onto her bed, glad to finally be home, in her own space. She lays there for a long moment, before her phone pings. Almost immediately—and a little bit pathetically, Paige thinks—Paige jumps up, grabbing her phone, hoping and praying it’s from the girl she’s so longing to talk to.

But, when she sees the contact name, Paige’s face drops in disappointment.

Jalen Suggs

Yo, u were supposed to get back today right?

Thaliah and I are at the park rn getting some shots in if ur around u should come by

And then, another text from a different contact:

Thaliah Sommers ❌❌

p if you are back in town you better come hang with us!!!

we miss youuuuu!!!!!!

Paige smiles a little bit at the idea of seeing her friends after three long months without them. Still, she can’t shake the disappointment that the one person who still hasn’t bothered to contact her is the one person that she really, truly wants to see. Even so, Paige sends Thaliah and Jalen a response each, telling them she’s about to leave and she’ll be there soon.

She makes her way downstairs, calling to her dad in the kitchen, “I’m going to the park to hang out with Jalen and Thaliah!”

Bob just calls back, “Okay, be careful—oh, and be back for dinner! I’m making alfredo!”

“Will do!”

Paige opens the door and leaves her house, her long legs carrying her quickly to the nearby park where she and her friends have spent countless hours together over the years, playing pick-up games until the sun dipped below the trees. As she approaches, she spots Jalen mindlessly dribbling a basketball as he talks with Thaliah, who’s sprawled across a picnic table, legs stretched out.

“P!” Jalen calls as soon as he notices her. He pauses mid-dribble, face breaking out into a wide grin. Thaliah turns, too, standing from the picnic table, eyes alight as she waves to the blonde enthusiastically.

Paige grins back, the familiar sight of her best friends warming some of the ache in her chest. She jogs over, giving Jalen a bro-hug before wrapping her arms around Thaliah in a quick embrace. “Missed you guys,” she says, happy to be home.

“Missed you, too,” Thaliah replies, squeezing her back. “Summer’s treating you well, I see; cause, girl, you are tan! How’s it all been?”

“Exhausting,” Paige admits with a chuckle, pulling away. “But good.”

“Bet you’re glad to be home,” Jalen says, tossing his basketball from hand to hand.

“Yeah,” Paige nods, smile faltering just a little. “It’s good to be back.”

“Wanna shoot around?” Thaliah asks, already bouncing the ball off the backboard and catching it. She doesn’t actually play basketball—volleyball is more her scene, actually. Nevertheless, she’s always enjoyed playing with Jalen and Paige.

“Sure,” the blonde agrees, though her mind still seems to be elsewhere. She steps off the court, trying to push the growing anxiety and utter longing that’s been gnawing at her since she landed.

As they play, Paige finds herself half-listening to Jalen and Thaliah’s banter. Normally, she would have jumped right in, teasing and talking trash. But today, it seems like her brain has the capacity to truly only think about one thing: Dani. She wants to know why she hasn’t called her back yet, why she hasn’t even bothered to reply to Paige’s text. The silence eats at the point guard, tearing its nails into her resolve. Finally, she decides she can’t take it anymore.

“So, hey,” Paige starts, her tone casual, but the slight edge in her voice betrays her. “Do you guys know if Dani’s back from camp yet?”

Almost immediately, Jalen and Thaliah share a surprised glance full of raised brows and slacked jaws. That’s all it takes for Paige’s stomach to drop. Clearly, there’s something they both know.

“P,” Jalen begins, his voice uncharacteristically gentle, almost like he’s about to break bad news. “Dani’s been back for almost a month now.”

Paige’s whole body goes frigid, the basketball slipping through her fingers and bouncing away. She swallows thickly before asking, “What?”

Thaliah nods, expression sympathetic and a little reserved as she adds, “Yeah, she got back a while ago.” She glances at Jalen again before returning her eyes to Paige. “We thought you knew.”

“I—” Paige starts, but her throat seems to dry out. She gulps again, feeling as though there are claws tearing at her vocal chords, her chest, her insides, her everything, because—why hasn’t Dani told Paige? “No, I didn’t,” the blonde finally gets out, voice small, almost lost amidst the sounds of the park. “She didn’t tell me.”

Jalen scratches the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “She’s been kinda… different, since she got back,” he mumbles, shrugging. “Really distant.”

Paige’s heart pounds in her chest almost as if it’s trying to crawl its way out of her rib cage. The shock of her friends’ words slowly begins to melt into confusion and hurt. “Distant?” she asks. “What do you mean?”

Thaliah shrugs, sighing. “Just like, she never asks to hang with us anymore, and if we try to initiate it, she always gives us some shitty excuse why she can’t go. Like, a couple weeks ago, we asked her to hang out and she said she was sick. And then we went to the mall and literally saw her there hanging out with other people.” Thaliah shakes her head in clear irritation, rolling her eyes a little.

“Who’s she been hanging around with if not you guys?” Paige asks, still trying to make sense of the situation.

“Well, I know she’s been with Serena Corren a lot,” Thaliah replies. Paige furrows her brows at the answer. Serena’s a cheerleader and not a very kind person—certainly not the type of person that Dani would willingly want to hang out with. “I mean, I guess it’s not that weird since Serena’s on yearbook, too, but like she’s such a bitch—so, it kinda is.”

Thaliah pauses, her and Jalen sharing another look that makes Paige’s insides squeeze together.

“Is that it?” Paige asks, eyes narrowing as they dart between her two friends.

Thaliah sighs heavily then, running a hand through her hair, not making eye contact with Paige. “Well,” she says slowly, and then she meets the blonde’s gaze. Thaliah’s eyes turn apologetic. “She’s dating Beau Hudson now.”

Suddenly, it feels like the ground beneath Paige has been ripped out from under her. Paige stares at Thaliah, open-mouthed, hoping she’s heard wrong. “What?”

“Beau Hudson,” Jalen repeats, grimacing as he says the name. “P, you know him—Hopkins’ quarterback, a certified dick.”

Of course, Paige knows him. She’s known him since elementary school. She and Dani—and eventually Thaliah and Jalen—have been mocking Beau for years. He’s the type of jock that’s got more muscles than brains, the type of guy that throws himself at girls just because he can. And, the thought of Dani—Paige’s Dani—dating someone like him is completely unfathomable to the blonde.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Paige mumbles, shaking her head. Dani told Paige that she loved her just a couple months ago. She’d told Paige that even with the distance between them, they’d be okay. “Why would she—?”

“We don’t know,” Thaliah says quietly. “She’s just changed, Paige. I mean, the last time I talked to her it felt like she was a completely different girl.”

Paige’s mind spins, trying to piece together the fragments of information. Dani’s back. Dani’s dating Beau Hudson. Dani didn’t even bother telling Paige that she was home. Anger flares up, sharp and hot, but underneath it is something deeper, more painful. Paige feels hurt, deep and bone-crushing.

“She didn’t even tell me,” Paige whispers, more to herself than them.

Jalen takes a hesitant step closer, resting a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “Maybe you should talk to her. Find out what’s going on.”

Paige nods numbly, but inside, she’s a storm of raging emotions. She can’t seem to understand how things changed so drastically, so quickly. The Dani Paige knows—her best friend, the girl she’s loved for as long as she can remember—would never have done any of this. There has to be some kind of explanation, some sort of reason behind it all.

The rest of their time at the park is a blur for Paige. She plays, but neither her heart or head are in it, all too preoccupied with thoughts of Dani. As soon as she can, she makes an excuse to leave. It might make her a little bit of a shitty friend because she hasn’t seen Jalen and Thaliah in months, but she simply can’t help it. The pair offer her sympathetic smiles as she goes, but she doesn’t notice. All she really knows is that she has to talk to Dani.

She has to know why.

The late afternoon sun beats down on Paige as she walks along the sidewalk, staring at the cracks in the cement as she goes. They’re like her emotions right now—all cracked and crooked, a chaotic mess of confusion, hurt, and anger. A desperate need for answers.

She has no idea what she’s gonna say, and her brain doesn’t even bother trying to articulate something. Instead, it runs haywire, bouncing around in her skull as it attempts to make sense of all the information that is so clearly wrong. She’s half in denial, thinking that maybe Thaliah and Jalen merely read into things wrong, that perhaps Dani’s just going through a bit of a rough patch. Maybe Paige can talk some sense into her and maybe, just maybe, everything can go back to normal for their senior year. God, Paige fucking hopes so.

When she finally reaches the end of the street, standing in front of Dani’s house, Paige goes frigid. She stares, gaze flickering between the house before her and her own house right next door. Right here, in the small circumference that surrounds these two homes, holds so many important memories to Paige. She can picture her and Dani as kids, running between the two front yards, laughing and playing without a care in the world. She remembers the slip in slide their parents set up right here, the way she and Dani wore it out until there were holes in the plastic and wet grass sticking to their skin. She remembers playing fetch with Dani’s dog, Maverick, until all three of them had tired out, Dani and Paige laying on the ground with the golden retriever in between them. She remembers sitting on Dani’s front porch, holding her best friend and letting her cry into her shoulder after they found out Dani’s mother died. She remembers kissing Dani by the door in the dark until both of them could barely breathe, swallowing each other’s giggles.

But now, everything feels different. Darker. Dimmer. The house before Paige feels almost foreboding, like it’s guarding the secrets Dani’s been keeping from her.

Paige takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She isn’t sure what to expect, but she knows she has to face whatever’s waiting on the other side of that door, whatever hard truth she’s about to be exposed to.

Her hand trembles as she reaches out to knock. She has so many questions, so much to say, but, now, as she stands here, all of it begins to choke her. She swallows thickly, clearing her throat, before knocking twice.

A few moments later, the door opens. And there she is—Dani Callan, standing in the doorway, looking different yet heartbreakingly familiar. At the sight of her, Paige’s breath catches in her throat. Dani’s hair is pulled back in a messy bun, and she’s dressed in a simple tank top and shorts, but it’s her expression that strikes Paige the most. There’s a hardness in Dani’s eyes, one that the blonde has never been subjected to, a coldness that she’s never seen before.

“Paige,” Dani acknowledges, her voice flat, almost emotionless. She doesn’t step aside to let her in.

Paige swallows, her mouth dry. “Hey, Dan. Can we talk?”

Dani hesitates, glancing over her shoulder as if she’s considering closing the door. Then, she sighs, stepping back to let Paige in. Even so, her demeanor doesn’t hold an invitation—just an odd vexation. “Sure. Come in.”

The house is eerily quiet as Paige follows her best friend inside. It feels all wrong, like the silence is pressing down on her, suffocating. Dani leads her to the living room, before sitting down on the couch, posture stiff. Paige stays standing a few feet away, her arms crossed protectively over her chest.

“What’s going on?” Paige asks, trying to keep her voice firm yet she hears a crack in it. A tremble. “Why didn’t you tell me you were back? Why didn’t you—”

“Paige,” Dani interrupts, her tone sharp and cutting. It makes the words die on the blonde’s lips. “I don’t want to do this.”

Paige blinks, taken aback by the harshness in the brunette’s voice. “Do what? Talk?” she scoffs, shaking her head, anger creeping up. “You haven’t talked to me in months, Dani! I’ve been worried about you, I’ve been missing you nonstop—and then I find out you’ve been back for weeks and didn’t even bother to let me know?”

Dani looks away, jaw clenching. “I’ve been busy.”

“Busy?” Paige repeats indignantly. If anything, Paige has been busy, traveling from place to place, balancing basketball and everything else. And yet, she’d always, always make time for her best friend. “Really? You’ve been too busy to call me? Too busy to even text?” The blonde’s voice begins to rise steadily, the hurt and confusion she’s been holding back beginning to spill out. “I mean, fuck, Dani! We kissed! And you told me that you loved me. And—and then, what? You just disappear! I mean, what the hell is going on?”

Dani flinches at Paige’s words, but she doesn’t respond right away. She stares at the ground for a long moment, the room going completely silent. And then she finally glances up, eyes meeting Paige’s. There’s a flicker of something there—guilt, maybe?—but it’s gone as quickly as it comes. “That night,” she starts slowly, taking a long breath out, “it was a mistake.”

Paige’s heart stutters in her chest, almost like it’s about to fail. A mistake. For the first time today, the blonde feels her eyes begin to burn. She furiously fights the tears, refusing to cry here. Clearly, she’d only be embarrassing herself. “A mistake?” Paige whispers, shaking her head. “Dani, you’re not serious.”

“I am,” the Callan girl responds, voice flat. “It never should’ve happened. I don’t want that. I don’t want… you.”

The words hit Paige like a punch to the gut, and she steps back, heart thudding in her chest. “You can’t mean that.” She can’t. Dani told Paige that she loved her, that she was in love with her.

“I do,” Dani insists, her tone growing more resolute with each word. “Paige, I can’t be what you want me to be. I don’t want to be. I have a boyfriend now, and—”

“Beau Hudson? You hate Beau Hudson!” Paige shouts, her anger boiling over. She feels like every inch of her body is being scorned, flames burning through her skin and into her very being. “I mean, we both do! We always have. We’ve made fun of him for years—and for good reason! He’s a dick, Dani! And now, you’re just— you’re dating him? After everything we—”

“Just stop, Paige!” Dani cuts her off, voice louder than Paige has ever heard it. It’s full of emotion—though Paige can’t seem to decipher what emotion exactly—the most feeling the brunette has put into her words the entire conversation. “You need to stop. Whatever you think we had, it’s over. It’s done.”

Paige stares at her. She can feel it—over a decade of friendship, over a decade of Paige and Dani fading away. It’s been them; it’s always been them since they were five years old. And now, Paige feels that being ripped away from her, stolen. She fights for it. She wants it back. “But… why? Why’re you doing this?”

Dani looks away again, her eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. “Because we can’t be friends anymore, Paige. I don’t want to be friends with you. I just want you to leave me alone.”

Paige’s eyes sting again, but she blinks the tears back, letting the salt simmer in her eyes. “Is this because of what happened? Because of the kiss? Because of the I love you’s? Because if it is—”

“It’s not about the kiss,” Dani says, voice cold and final. “Or about the I love you’s. It’s about everything. I grew up—and I think you should, too.”

Paige gapes, and a roar of confusion tears through her again. “What does that even mean?”

“It means you’re clinging to something that’s never going to happen,” Dani replies, lips turning down into something between a frown and a scowl. “I’m with Beau now. I’m moving on. So. Should. You.” She says the words slowly and firmly as if she’s really trying to cement them in Paige’s brain. Paige blanches at them.

“Moving on?” the blonde repeats, the words shredding through her vocal chords. “You don’t have to move on! I’m right here! I want you!”

“But I don’t!” Dani shouts back. “Can’t you get that? I don’t want you, Paige.”

The point guard opens her mouth to argue, to beg, but the words won’t come. She feels like she’s drowning, like everything she’s ever known is slipping away from her, and there’s not a single thing she can do to stop it.

Dani stands up, crossing her arms over her chest as she stares at Paige with a look that’s almost pitying. “Please, Paige. Just go.”

Paige stands there for a long moment, feet planted, staring at the girl she thought she knew, the girl she thought loved her. But this isn’t Dani—not the Dani she remembers, not the one she’s spent her whole life with. This is someone else, someone who’s built walls so high and so thick that Paige can’t even begin to break through.

She turns away slowly, legs feeling like lead. She wants to say more, to continue demanding, to go up to Dani and shake her shoulders until the sense has been come back to her. But Paige doesn’t. Instead, she walks to the door, heart cracking with every step.

When she gets to the doorway, she pauses, turning back to look at her childhood best friend one last time.

“If you ever change your mind…” she mumbles, eyes traveling across Dani before landing on the other side of the room, unable to really look at her. “If you ever want to talk…”

But Dani just shakes her head. “Goodbye, Paige.”

Paige nods, stepping outside, the door closing behind her with a finality that feels like what might as well be the end of everything. She stands on the porch for a long moment, trying to process what just happened, but all she can seem to feel is a crushing sense of loss. Finally, the tears begin to spill over and a harsh sob rips through Paige’s chest. She doesn’t bother wiping the tears away, instead just lets them fall. Lets them carry the pain, the confusion, the heartbreak.

But even as she walks away, over to her own house right next door, there’s one thing Paige can’t let go of—the feeling that the Dani she knows, the Dani she loves, is still in there somewhere. And no matter what Dani says, no matter how much she pushes Paige away, the blonde refuses to give up on her. Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

[shdysders]

letters with grief

pairing: jenna ortega & female!reader

summary: in which jenna visits you, with a letter.

word count: 2k

warnings: mentions of verbal fights & car accident

author’s note: i actually really like this one, lmk if something doesn’t make sense.

The air was all crisp and cool, the trees were wearing their fiery coats of orange, red, and yellow, and the breeze danced through the leaves.

The gentle wind tousling Jenna's hair, making it fall in front of her face, obstructing her view of the gravel path she walked on were a few orange leafs had made its appearance.

"Hello gorgeous.." Jenna said, receiving no answer except for the autumn breeze that blew heavier onto her figure.

She carefully lowered herself onto the velvety carpet of autumn's golden blades, crossing her legs. Hands digging in the pockets of her jacket. Your jacket.

"I..uhm.. I wrote a letter..for you" She sniffled, her nose growing red and runny from the cold weather and the inappropriate garments for the fall.

Jenna carefully unfolded the letter, and as the paper unfurled, a gentle symphony of whispers filled the air, captivating her senses.

The piece of paper revealed the long text, the letters were messy and all over the place, looking like a jumbled puzzle, with words scattered and tangled like a messy room.

A chuckle erupted from Jenna's mouth as she could hear you giggle and make fun of her gibberish handwriting, like you always did. Every single time she wrote the grocery list or anything at all, you would joke and make small comments about her sloppy writing.

"I know.." Jenna smiled softly, tucking her brown hair behind her ears. "Who even writes letters anymore?.." She scrunched her nose, your laughter basically echoing in her eardrums.

She fiddled with the letter, almost considering the option of just not reading it at all, however she knew she had to. Otherwise she would never get this out, which meant she would have to feel this closed feeling within her at all times, and Jenna knew she couldn't live with that.

"But.. I didn't know how else I'd get this out of my head.." She continued.

A year ago, Jenna would be laughing at what she was doing in this moment, she would've felt ridiculous. Talking about a handwritten letter when she knew she wouldn't get any answers.

However she pushed those thoughts away, exhaling deeply before her shaky voice began appearing.

"I'm so sorry that the fame affected you and your family as well.." Jenna could already feel tears burning in her eyes, just the thought of you made her nose start to run uncontrollably, how could she ever tell you all of the things the letter contained?

Jenna knew very well that the fame would have a big influence on you, she had told you that multiple times before you became an official couple. But when she had explained it; she meant that the paparazzi and the headlines could be the influence, not that she would be it herself.

Everybody knew relationships in the spotlight were complicated, it was common knowledge. Even Jenna knew that. But she had never thought about what the complications might've been based on. In fact, she couldn't even tell when the conflicts actually happened.

Jenna never knew where all of the rage came from. It might've been stress, anxiety or something completely unrelated to any of those, regardless of the underlying reasons, she was aware that her actions towards you were inexcusable.

She would never be able to forgive herself for having those outbursts at you. You were never doing anything wrong. Never.

You would wait up for her whenever she was having late night shootings. You would prepare nice meals for her whenever she arrived home, so she wouldn't go to sleep with an empty stomach. You would hold her tight and brush your fingers through her hair until she fell asleep, knowing she always had a hard time sleeping alone.

You did everything she could've possibly asked for, but Jenna never gave anything back.

She hadn't realized it at first. Not until she had scared you so badly that you had stormed out of your shared apartment.

Jenna would arrive home, scream at you for things you couldn't control, start unnecessary arguments that were either non-existent or non-current or sometimes ignore you fully.

She would call you repulsive things just because you didn't talk back, sometimes even blaming you for the stress situations she met at her job.

You didn't know what was happening to her, watching her turn from this sweet loving girlfriend, to a ticking bomb who would explode any moment without any reason.

She would burst at you for being quiet, but she would also rage if you were too talkative. You had no idea how to act around her, she was never going to be pleased.

Jenna did know that she was being unusually unpleasant to be around. Although she had thought that it was only temporarily, that it would disappear when she finished wrapping the stress filled projects she was working on.

She wanted to be better. She wanted to be better for you. She knew you deserved way more than what she was giving you. Despite she never made an effort to get better. Even though she wanted to.

Yet that night. Everything had flipped.

"You were right.." Jenna mustered a laugh, but vulnerability seeped through, turning it into an awkward melody, while her tears danced, trying to wipe them away.

"I needed real help." She continued, swallowing the lump in her throat. Fiddling with the edge of the paper. "Like you told me."

The pit in Jenna's stomach got deeper when she realized that you had been right the whole time.

When Jenna had arrived home that night, you had been situated in the couch, waiting for her, like you always did. However, something had been different. The way you tensed when Jenna came home, the way your hands were almost shaking.

Jenna was trying to keep her outburst within her this time. She noticed you were scared, so she knew that was for the best.

But something inside of her switched when you had opened your mouth.

You had told her that you thought it would be suitable for Jenna to seek help for her recent outbursts and raging personality. You thought that if she would be able to talk about her feelings, maybe she wouldn't take them out on you.

Obviously, you were wrong. It had been the complete opposite.

The rage and stress had taken over Jenna's body, making her scream and ramble stuff she didn't know existed in her.

She couldn't remember everything she had said. But the things she could reminisce were things that almost made her feel the need to throw up.

You had watched Jenna with eyes wide open from fear, backing away from her, afraid that she would eventually get the idea to hit you.

You had apologized repeatedly while she was screaming at you, telling you everything she thought you 'had done wrong' and why you should've been the one seeking help instead.

Eventually, she had screamed for you to get out of the apartment, that she couldn't stand the look of you and didn't want to see you again. You couldn't do anything else but follow her screaming instructions, too afraid to revolt and see what she would do next.

When you had left, Jenna had tried to calm herself down. She had planned on apologizing to you when she got back, because she knew you would. Sure, she had been a bitch, but she was sure you would still come back. Right?

"I just.." Jenna exhaled and closed her eyes, trying to imagine your face in front of her, like that would make the letter easier to read out.

"I wanted you to know that what happened afterwards had nothing to do with you.."

The tears began rolling faster down her cheeks as Jenna recalled the thousands of text messages she had sent you that night. When she didn't receive an answer to any of them, she just thought that you were probably still upset.

But when evening time arrived and you had yet to arrive home, she began to feel worried; you had never been gone for the night whenever she raged at you. Maybe she pushed you too far? She couldn't tell, since she couldn't remember half the things she had said.

She didn't remember anything that had exploded out of her mouth. She didn't remember telling you that she couldn't stand the sight of you, when she was the one in the wrong.

The things she did remember was how the local police departments number had popped up on her phone, and how she had answered the call with a shaky voice and hands.

She remembered dropping the phone on the floor, the screen almost breaking due the hard tiles.

She remembered rushing to the hospital the second she heard you were there. She remembered running into the building, hearing the nurses explain that your survivor chances were low due the extreme crash.

You had been hit. By a drunk truck driver. He had survived. Almost leaving the scene with no injuries.

You weren't that lucky.

You didn't make it.

It had been revealed later that you had zero chances of living. The staff had just told her that you did because they wanted her to think that. But in reality, you were already unconscious when they arrived at the scene.

Jenna never got the chance to see you again. Just like her raging wishes had said.

That's why everything that happened wasn't your fault. It was all hers.

Jenna couldn't live with herself knowing you passed thinking she hated you. Nothing felt right when you weren't around.

When she now arrives home at night, the apartment is empty. There's no warmth when she walks into the hall, no embrace or cooked dinner, no lit candles except for the ones that remained lit next to the photo of you.

She hated thinking of it. The fact that you were gone. You weren't with her anymore, and you never would be.

Yet, at the same time she felt like that was what she deserved. She treated you like a burden, she told you that you were a burden. So why would she have the rights to feel sorrowful?

Jenna didn't deserve you. She knew that. That's why she liked to think that your soul went somewhere better than here.

You were too nice for this world. You had to be somewhere else.

You used write letters to Jenna every month, telling her your favorite things about her and how much you loved her. The letters lessened when she got so mad every night.

And now she'd never get them anymore.

Jenna let out a sob as she thought of you. The tears staining the letter. "I'm so sorry you can't be here..here where you wanted to be." Her voice was quivering, shaky breaths coming out.

Your zest for life was something Jenna always admired in you. Always seeing the positive side and wanting the best for everyone. Even if they did something horrible to you.

And it was for that reason Jenna knew that you probably would've forgiven her for this too. Even though it got you killed.

"I can feel you everywhere I go." Jenna wiped her streaming tears with the sleeve of her shirt, trying to prevent the salty water on the paper to smudge out the letters.

Your laugh, your smile, your love and touch. It was everywhere with her. Every single thing about you that she loved so dearly, the things that she didn't appreciate in the last months she had with you.

She had taken everything with you for granted.

If she closed her eyes hard enough at night, she could see you, hear you, and feel you, the way you were, the way you were always meant to be.

Jenna knew she couldn't get by without you. But she knew she deserved to live in pain for the rest of her life, for what she did to you.

No matter how much work and interviews she buried herself in, no matter how much she cried and begged for you to come back, no matter how many times she'd visit your grave and beg for forgiveness, you'd always be gone.

"I love you. And I'm sorry.."

[cherriemi]

Trivia Night

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

in: reid has always noticed every tiny detail about you, the slight change in your hair or attitude. so when you throw a birthday party and include a trivia game for your unit to learn more about you, spencer gets every question right.

tw: improper capitalization, fluff, non-consensual kiss (let me know if there is anything else!)

a/n: this is my FIRST ff writing in years, so yes it’s bad and yes i’m rusty. please be nice to me :,(

wc: 2.3k

you walked into the office… and he could instantly tell something was off. it didn’t take long until he remembered that your hair was now shorter. you had gotten a haircut and he would be first to comment.

“did you get a haircut y/n?” he asked as you placed your bag on your desk. you nodded, “is it that short??” messing with your hair and seeing if the ends are shorter than you had remembered. “no, i like it.” a smile formed on his face. “thank you.” you looked away, flustered. 

he always noticed changes first. they were compliments, questions of concern. it never weirded you out as he admitted to having an eidetic memory. it just frustrated you that he always knew what was different. 

“i haven’t seen you in red… it compliments your undertones a lot.” 

“your makeup looks different, did you put on eyeliner? i quite like it.” 

“what happened to your finger? be careful next time okay?” 

“let’s get started for our case review.” hotchner poked his head out from the conference room. you grabbed what you needed and head up the steps with reid just behind you.

it was your birthday! you had invited your co-workers as they were the only people you really knew. joining the team only half a year ago, you moved away from your dream location but moved into a better job. 

you anxiously waited for someone to show up. your apartment was decorated, food cooked and the vinyl record playing smooth jazz. one of your favorite records, it was a compilation of a few popular artists and songs. you had found it selling for $2.99 at an estate sale back from your old job. 

you heard a couple voices from outside the door and then a knock. you rushed to the door, checking the peephole. it was hotchner and prentiss. 

the door door swung open, “happy birthday!!” emily prentiss cheerily pulled you in for a hug. hotchner smiled, repeating back what emily said with a back pat. “gifts can go over there.” your hand gestured towards the kitchen island. 

soon enough derek morgan and penelope garcia showed up, then jennifer and rossi. the party already seemed to be starting but you knew someone was missing. spencer reid appeared, exactly 25 minutes later than you had told the group chat. 

“come on reid!” derek and jennifer teased the boy. he was red on the face, a card in one hand and the other holding onto the strap of his messenger bag. he was dressed as he usually was: dress shoes, trousers, and a button up with a vest over. “sorry, i had to take the subway.” he responded. 

you grabbed the card from his hands, “it’s okay reid, go ahead and help yourself.” you set the card on the island as he walked over towards the pots and pans. he helped himself to some chicken and pasta. 

after the eating and cake cutting, it was gift giving time. you opened all the gifts in the kitchen while everyone watched. most of your co-workers gifted you a card with money but penelope had gifted wrapped a gift for you. you torn it open and found a bow ribbon set. you smiled and hugged her. 

you called everyone to the living room. emily, jennifer, penelope and derek had crushed themselves on the loveseat while rossi claimed the single seater you had. you grabbed your two only other chairs and placed them next to where rossi was. hotchner and reid sat in the new present chairs. 

you grabbed your phone which was connected to the tv and opened a slideshow, “y/n’s trivia night.” read rossi.

penelope sat up, “oh i am so good at these!” 

you reached behind the tv and checked for the gift card. “i thought that since i was the newest addition to the team… i would have a trivia game so you could learn more about me!” you pulled out a $50 visa gift card, “i prepared a prize for the 1st place winner… a $50 visa gift card!” everyone cooed at the possibility for a prize. “free money? now i’m in!” rossi joked. 

the first round was a multiple choice section, and each correct answer was worth 1 point. you explained the rules to your co-workers. the first question appeared on the slide. what is y/n’s favorite color? 

C. B. A. A. D. E. B. “the correct answer is B, one point to penelope and reid!” penelope nudged derek as he groaned. you assumed they had argued about your favorite color. 

another question, when is y/n’s birthday?

A. A. A. A. B. D. C. “the correct answer is… C! point to reid!” everyone groaned, especially those at the loveseat. they all answered your trick question, which had the incorrect year. 

you finished out the round 1 questions until everyone noticed a pattern. reid had gotten every single question correct. penelope would be a close second if 6 and 4 were neighbors. then emily and jennifer were tied, hotchner at 5th, rossi at 6th and derek dead last. penelope teased derek after the rankings were called out. 

you introduced round two, a free response round where each question was worth two. you admitted this round had more leeway as you could get 1 point for getting part of the answer but it had to be specific enough to warrant the 2 points. 

this round went by slower. without the help of given answers they had to use their brain power to create an answer. the first question was rough for many. hotchner got the single point for guessing your favorite childhood tv show but reid ultimately got the 2 points for getting the entire title. 

round two was so horrible, you ended up having to provide one hint per person to get points. you would have regretted making it a free response section if reid hadn’t gotten all the questions right again. 

you read the rankings, reid, penelope, hotchner, jennifer, emily, rossi and derek. 

you announced the third and final round. “it’s a single question.” everyone relaxed. “this question is worth double all your points.” everyone sat up. everyone but derek, rossi and emily had a chance to overcome reid, but it all came down to if reid missed the question. 

you read the question. gave them a few minutes as you served more champagne. after the minutes were up you counted down from 3 and had everyone revealed their answers. to everyone’s surprise reid had gotten the answer correct. almost exact to how you worded it on the tv. 

you read the final results. “last place is tied with derek and rossi at 5 points… emily with 8, hotchner with 10, jennifer with 11, penelope with 14 and reid with… 36.” 

derek stood up, “cheaters don’t win!” reid was red at the attention. you pulled the visa gift card and handed it to reid with a smile. penelope clapped for reid and joined jennifer, hotchner and rossi. derek was pouting. “excuse derek, he’s being a jerk.” peneople elbowed derek. 

the party went on for another hour until derek and peneople noted the time. “we have to go y/n, sorryyy.” peneople apologized. you bid them farewell. soon enough emily and jennifer wanted to leave as well. with emily and jennifer leaving, rossi and hotchner left after wishing you happy birthday for the third time. 

you were wrapping the food when reid entered after his bathroom break. “did everyone leave?” he asked. 

“yup, you can leave too… it won’t bug me.” you reassured reid in case he was waiting to leave. 

he approached you in the kitchen. “do you need help?” you looked at him, “if you could wrap the left over pasta, i would appreciate that.” 

he grabbed a sheet a tinfoil and sealed the ends. “could i actually take some of the pasta home?” he asked. you nodded, “of course! take however much you’d like.” you handed him a container. 

he spooned the pasta into the container. “you’re a wonderful cook y/n.” another compliment. 

“thank you,” escaped a smile while you felt your cheeks get warm. you pushed your lower back against the island. reid was taking more pasta. “are you a cheater?” you asked. 

he shut the container before turning around. “i’ve never dated so-“ 

“no i mean the game.” you cut through. he turned red. “how would i cheat?” it was a question of interest. he didn’t know the answer which was out of the norm for him. “i’m just surprised you got a perfect 100 on my trivia game.” 

reid’s mouth turned upwards, “eidetic memory y/n.” the eye contact was too much. “you say that, but can’t tell hotchner when his birthday is.” you rebutted. it was a question that hotchner blurted out during the game. emily prentiss, rossi and even derek knew his birthday but spencer had failed to come up with the correct answer. 

reid was chewing the inside of his mouth. “hotchner is old and uninteresting.” he jabbed at his boss. “and i am?” he nodded. “new people are always more interesting.” 

you had looked away. reid’s eye contact was too much for you. it was odd, he almost never could hold eye contact with anyone on the team but you? come to think of it, this was the first time since being transferred to the BAU that you and reid were alone. whenever the team split, reid was somehow in your group by chance but when it was one on one, you were paired with jennifer or hotchner.

in the beginning hotchner just wanted to get to see your working style and see how you handled people. after the first months, you had built a relationship with jennifer and she always pulled you away. she loved to hear what you thought about the other members, but you never told her the truth about reid. as a new member, it would leave a sour taste in their mouths if you immediately had issues with one member.

it wasn’t an issue though, it was more of an observation. 

he knew when you were born, he knew where you had transferred from, he knew your favorite genre of music and books, and now he knew where you lived. “is everything okay y/n?” reid cut through the silence. 

you realized it had been a couple minutes of silence. you avoided his eye contact and were zoning out. “yes…” you replied. reid stepped closer. “are you sure?” here he was asking you questions. he can sense the change in you. “yes, reid.” you replied. 

reid paused. “i got you a gift,” he dug into his bag, “but i was worried you wouldn’t like it.” he pulled out a small box. one that looked like it would house a necklace. he moved closer to you and reached his arm out. 

you took the box and opened it. inside was a necklace. gold, heart shaped with a beautiful gem in the middle that shined with the kitchen lights. “oh, it’s so pretty reid.” you lifted the necklace out of the box, unclasped it and slipped it on. 

reid analyzed. you could hear his breathing. in and out. in and out. once the necklace was on, reid asked, “does it fit well?” you knew it took a lot of effort, “perfectly.” you mumbled in response. 

reid hadn’t stepped back. you two were closer than ever. his hand brushed against clothing and reached for your chin. he lifted your face to look him in the eye. your cheeks were warming up faster than ever.

you both stayed silent. his hand wrapped around, sitting politely on your cheek. then before you could react, he leaned forward, his lips touching yours. 

at first, you were surprised at the sudden gestures of reid. he was quite germaphobic, refusing to even shake hands. that was your first lesson in the fbi, reid didn’t like being touched. he took the largest step back when you went in for a hand shake and hotchner behind you, “he doesn’t like hand shakes, i should’ve told you that.”

you could not resist. his lips were soft, his hand warmed your cheek and his free arm found it’s way around your waist. your body spoke that he wasn’t being rejected, and he pulled you in closer. 

it felt like the kiss had lasted minutes when he finally pulled back. “sorry,” he apologized, stepping back.

before he could go any further, you grabbed his collar and pulled him into another kiss. now he was surprised but that didn’t last longer than a split second. he cupped your face and kissed you. you opened your mouth slightly and he slipped his tongue inside, feeling around you. he pulled back taking the messenger bag he had donned all night off. returning, he held onto your waist while you reached for the back of his neck. 

everything clicked for you. he remembered all the small and obscure details about you because he was interested in you. when you told reid your favorite color because he noticed the different tops you had of that one color, when you told reid that your birthday was the reason for your favorite season. everytime reid asked you if you had changed your hair or makeup, it was because he had remembered that you keep your hair down and your makeup minimal. 

you pulled back, “you remembered everything about me because you were interested didn’t you.” reid was blushed, you weren’t sure if it was due to the kissing or the comment or maybe he was just hot. “i’m guilty…” he nodded, avoiding eye contact.

you begged reid to tell you the when and why. he was so embarrassed. admitting that he had never had a crush, and he asked hotchner what it meant to have an anxious feeling around a woman. “hotchner laughed at me and said that i was too smart to not know what attraction was.” reid told you. it was safe to say, that reid did not leave your apartment that night– in fact… he stayed the night at your apartment quite often. 

[holylulusworld]

Flowers (1) - Sunflower

Summary: A sunflower brings the end. (The sunflower is seen as a sign of hope and warmth, positivity and strength, strong bonds and lasting happiness.)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of FWB arrangement

A/N: A short drabble.

Flowers masterlist

A simple flower shouldn’t make you sad or break your heart.

The sunflower in his hand wasn’t for you, as you thought. He gave it to someone else.

Her name is Dolores, or Dot for her friends. A new agent, and red-haired devil. Everyone believes she’s nice and tough. You know she’s the devil in disguise.

You never liked her but tried to pretend you didn’t see the looks she gave you whenever you got too close to James.

One day she just stumbled into your life, to mess things up between you and him. Who would’ve thought that a pretty face could ruin the arrangement you and Bucky had?

It was sex only. A simple arrangement to find solace in times of need.

For almost three years you and Bucky were inseparable. You were devoted to him, and he would never leave your side for too long.

It was your fault that you believed there was more between you and the brunette super-soldier than physical attraction.

He never brought you flowers or laughed about your non-funny jokes. All he ever did was take you apart in the best way possible.

Bucky is smitten with that pretty agent, and you cannot do shit to stop him from giving her flowers. You never put a label on what you had with him. Now your decision bites you in the ass.

“They are a cute couple, don’t you think?” Another agent said. You didn’t remember her name, and honestly, you didn’t want to. “I wonder if he’s finally going to ask her out.”

You hummed and held back a snarky comment. “Why do you think he will?” You said instead. “He barely knows her.”

“Yeah, but he’s always so happy when she’s around. Usually, Sergeant Barnes is grumpy and broody. But when Dottie is around, he’s a ray of sunshine.”

“A ray of sunshine, sure,” you gritted your teeth when Bucky offered the sunflower to Dot. It hurt too damn much. “How about you mind your business?”

“No need to get bitchy,” she snapped at you. “If you don’t find it romantic when a man gives a woman flowers, it’s not my fault.”

“Well, a few hours ago he gave something better to me,” you gave her a bitchface. “He shouldn’t dance on too many parties, don’t you think?”

She gaped at you, but you didn’t give a shit. It was not the time for pleasantries. Not while you had to watch Dot squeal and hug your man.

You should’ve cried or already missed his warmth. Oddly, all you could think about at that very moment was that no man would ever feel so good inside of you as he did.

You forced yourself to turn around and walk away. If Bucky wanted the sweet agent with a heart of gold, so be it. Crying over spilled milk never was your style.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea…

Part 2

Tags in reblog.

[torakowalski]

I'm trying not to say "sorry for the delay!" every time I post because there's only so many times you can say that before a delay becomes... Just the speed at which I post.

Anyway, I started a fancy new job last week and I'm knackered, but luckily so is Steve. So here he is! Finally at his first games!

(part one | part eight)

Seoul is... Wow, Seoul is like nothing Eddie has ever experienced. After roaming the US for two years, he thought he was pretty well travelled, but it turns out that he was a super embarrassingly wrong.

Jonathan Byers loaned Eddie his camera (with strict instructions on how to take care of it) and Eddie has already sent a roll of film home to be developed, despite having only been here three days. He's also sent about a dozen postcards and had one thirty-second phone call with Wayne where he just had time to promise he wasn't dead and wouldn't become dead, before his money ran out.

Now, it's sometime in the evening and he's lying on his bed, pretending that he isn't fully fucked up by the thirteen hour time difference between here and home. He keeps thinking about how it'll be early morning in Hawkins, that he's basically in the future right now. He rolls over, grabs another postcard and addresses it to Dustin.

Greetings from the future. Today's lottery numbers are...

Then he flicks a drop of ink and deliberately smudges it across the paper.

He's busy laughing at his own cleverness, when there's a knock on the door. Expecting the incredibly helpful woman who runs this hotel, Eddie rolls off the bed, and pads barefoot over to the door, opening it with an, "Annyeonghaseyo."

Steve, standing on the other side of the door, smiles at him and says, "Have you learned the whole language yet?"

"I'm not Robin," Eddie tells him, before grabbing his arm and pulling him inside. "What are you doing here?"

Steve shrugs, running a hand through his hair to push it back off his face. It doesn't look like there's any product in it, and he looks tired, standing there in a plain white t-shirt and his red and white Team USA tracksuit pants.

"My roommate brought one of the athletics girls back to our room, so I said I'd give them some space."

It's been two days since they last saw each other and Eddie wants to hug him, or kiss him, or maybe climb him like a tree, but he's not sure what the rules are.

They've barely had a chance to talk about anything since that first kiss three weeks ago. Dustin insisted on coming back to their hotel room with them for a sleepover that night, and then Steve has been training with the Olympic coaches every hour since.

They've kissed four times in total. The last one was four days ago in Toronto Airport before they boarded the longhaul flight to Seoul. Then Steve headed to first class with the rest of the swim team and Eddie to cattle, clutching his brand new passport.

He'd spent eleven hours wedged between an international student and a very chatty Korean grandma. Every time he went to pee, he spied on Steve through the little curtain but only managed to catch his eye a couple times. Steve looked happy, making friends in the team, and being brought complimentary bags of peanuts. He'd looked like he belonged.

"Well, welcome." Eddie gives Steve a bow then wishes he hadn't. That's what he'd do for anyone, and Steve isn't just anyone.

Steve rolls his eyes at him, but hopefully at least kind of fondly.

"Thanks. I'll make myself at home."

He throws himself down onto the bed, stretching out his arms and groaning. Eddie's mouth goes dry watching him, wondering if it'd be okay to follow him down.

Steve closes his eyes for long enough that Eddie thinks maybe he's just come here to nap. Then he blinks up at Eddie, and holds out his hand.

"Lonely?" Eddie asks, stepping close enough that Steve can push his fingers between Eddie's.

"I mean, I wouldn't say no to some company." Steve pulls on Eddie's hand, pulls again. Eddie thinks for a second then rolls up onto the balls of his feet, so the next time Steve tugs, Eddie spills forward and right down on top of him.

Steve wheezes on impact, laughing out, " You shit," when he gets his breath back.

Eddie looks down from about two inches above him. They're almost nose to nose, so close that Steve's eyes are a blur of green and brown. "Sorry, is this not where you wanted me?"

Steve wraps his arms around Eddie's middle, rubs his fingers along the hem of Eddie's shirt. "I guess there are worse places for you to be."

He smiles and Eddie smiles, then Steve lifts his head and Eddie lowers his and they're kissing. Again. Some more. First kiss in Korea, fifth kiss overall. Eddie wonders if they'll ever do enough kisses that he stops counting.

Then he tells himself to stop hoping for a future and focus on right now.

Steve's kisses are slick and measured, so Eddie tries to slow down to match. He shifts a little to the side so he isn't totally squashing Steve but Steve makes a protesting noise and hoicks him back on top.

"I'm too heavy," Eddie protests. He's never laid on top of someone before, but he's gotta be, right? He's a full grown adult man.

"I like it," Steve says, like that's the end of the argument. Then he pulls Eddie back on top of him and kisses him and, well, that is the end of the argument.

"How long can you stay?" Eddie asks once he's kissed every part of Steve's face that looked kissable (all of it) and is thinking of moving on to his neck.

"Curfew's ten and it's -" Steve lifts his arm to check his watch over Eddie's shoulder. " - ten past ten, so I guess... forever?"

"That is the best logic I ever heard, but I don't think time works like that, sweetheart."

Steve's eyes flare, which is kinda interesting. Eddie calls everyone sweetheart, same as his mama called everyone sugar, but if Steve likes it, it's his.

"My roommate will cover for me," Steve says, easily. Of course he's immediately fallen into the whole team aspect of the games. He's a jock all the way down to his DNA and they bond like pack animals. "He thinks he's sent me roaming the streets of Seoul alone, after all."

"Rude," Eddie says. "Banished you out into the night, just so he can get laid."

"Super rude," Steve agrees. He hesitates then adds, "Or like, not actually laid. The guys who were on the team for the LA games think it's bad luck to have sex before a race."

"Like...immediately before or at all?" Eddie asks. Steve's races don't start for another four days and Eddie isn't, okay Eddie isn't expecting anything, but Steve is in his bed right now.

"From the opening ceremony until their races are done," Steve says. He makes a face. "It's just total superstition, obviously."

"Obviously," Eddie agrees.

Steve bites his lip.

"And you're scared to go against it just in case," Eddie fills in for him.

Steve puts a hand over his face and squints at Eddie from between his fingers. God, he's cute. A cute, cute dork. "Sorry."

Stupidly, Eddie feels himself blush. "Sweetheart, I'm not, I wasn't, I'm not... I, uh, I. Shut up."

Steve frowns. "I didn't say anything?"

"I was telling myself to shut up." Eddie groans.

"Ohhh, I can help with that," Steve says. Then he kisses Eddie again, like he thinks he's smooth.

It's actually kind of easier to relax into just kissing now that he knows they're not gonna be doing anything else. He can focus on the warmth of Steve's lips and the spit taste of his mouth. Or, it turns out, on the weird feeling of Steve yawning directly into their next kiss.

"Excuse you," says Eddie.

"Excuse me," Steve agrees, and tries to go back to kissing. But Eddie caught a look at him when they broke apart and he's heavy eyed and very, very sleepy-looking.

This time when Eddie moves to the side, Steve's protest is quieter.

"Tired?" Eddie asks.

"Nah, I'm good." Steve yawns again then looks betrayed by himself.

Eddie strokes his hair back behind his ears for him then runs his finger over Steve's flushes cheekbones. "Wanna have a nap?"

"I should get back," says Steve, while simultaneously snuggling down deeper into Eddie's pillow.

"A short nap, then I'll wake you up," Eddie promises, secure in the knowledge that he hasn't fallen asleep before four any night they've been here yet.

"Just a short one," Steve says, tugging Eddie back so he's hooked under Steve's arm.

Entirely unsure of the protocol, Eddie lays his head on Steve's chest. It's all hard and muscly, not actually all that comfortable to lie on, but it's also Steve's chest so Eddie's gonna give it a whirl, anyway.

"You're coming to watch me, right? Every heat?" Steve asks, fingers twirling in Eddie's hair.

"I mean, there's a lot of other stuff happening. You know they've let tennis back in, this year?" Eddie says, drawing it out. When Steve tugs a little on his hair, he laughs. "Yeah, I'll be there. I haven't watched every other time you swam in the last two years just to miss out on any of this."

Steve hums like he's smiling. They've shared so many hotel rooms by now, spent so many nights talking in the dark, that Eddie can read him without having to see his face.

"Good," Steve says. He plays with Eddie's hair a little longer, before his fingers go slack and his breathing deepens.

Eddie smiles to himself, trapped under Steve's arm and not minding one bit. He might still be second guessing all the new rules of their relationship, but this part is familiar. He absolutely knows how to take care of Steve before a competition.

If there's such a thing as a tour manager for a swimmer, then he has all the experience in the world. He's still pondering whether or not that's a real career when, inevitably, he too falls asleep.

(continued here)

[cottonlemonade]

Happy Valentines

word count: 860 || avg. reading time: 4 mins.

pairing: post-timeskip Bokuto x chubby!Reader

genre: smut, established relationship

warning: mdni, nsfw

Bokuto was standing at the stove, stirring the sauce he had been diligently working on when you came home.

“What are you doing here?”, you squeaked, dropping your bag and jacket on the floor and ran over for an ecstatic hug and a kiss.

“Came home early this morning. I figured I’d treat my love to a nice early dinner, so we have enough energy for what I plan on doing with you later.” He gave you a playful wink.

You only smiled widely and took a breath of the bubbling goodness he was simmering down, your heart melting as you spotted the huge bouquet of your favorite flowers already sitting in a vase on the counter.

When you started dating two years ago, Bokuto had made it his mission to at least learn (and perfect) your most favorite dishes.

“It smells amazing, babe.”

“Why thank you.”

For a moment you just watched him grate some cheese and had to swallow at the sight of him, the veins and muscles in his arms and the concentrated look in his eyes. Three weeks he had been away for a training camp in America with the team. Three long weeks in which you had both been growing steadily more needy for the other’s touch.

When he added a splash of red wine to a pan with onions you had enough.

Snaking your arms around his waist from behind you said quietly between his shoulders, “You’re so hot when you cook.”

You could feel the grin on his face as he turned around, “Oh yeah?”

He leaned down to catch your lips.

The kiss was supposed to be quick and loving, but you pulled him closer by the collar of his shirt and he automatically opened his mouth a little wider to deepen the kiss.

Catching his bottom lip softly between your teeth, you ran your hands through his hair.

He felt you groping around for something beside his hip and broke away.

“What are you doing?”, he asked, breathing heavily.

“Turning off the stove.”

“Why?”

“So you can fuck me. Please…”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He pressed you against the kitchen counter and groaned when you pushed your body against him.

For a couple of long desperate moments you stood in the kitchen, trying to touch as much of the other as possible. His hands wandered from your full hips to grab handfuls of your ass, then your breasts. When he pushed his thigh between your legs and you gasped he almost lost his mind. God, how much he had missed you.

“Baby, I’m so hard, please let’s go.”

Almost running to your room, he already took off his shirt and started to work on the zipper of his jeans.

In his haste he threw you on the bed, causing your dress to ride up and expose the cute cotton panties underneath. His eyes darkened when he saw how drenched the fabric was already and crawled on top, ready to devour you.

This was not a time for teasing, he just needed to be inside you. Impatient fingers unbuttoning the top of your dress, he yanked at the cups of your bra to put his lips around your nipples. He’d always wanted to ravage you in this dress. With your soaked panties simply pulled to the side he quickly pushed a finger into you, swearing softly against your skin when he felt no resistance at all.

You were so very wet just for him.

After a few pumps he added a second and finally a third finger, loving your soft cries and how you pulled his hair. His hand trapped between your plush thighs he sucked a hickey between your breasts.

“I need you, Kou. Enough… please… I need to feel you...”

You fumbled for a condom in the bedside table and helped him put it on before he finally sank into you.

All the pent up lust you two had felt while you were apart fueled your movements. The room was filled with panting and moans.

Urging him to go faster, you clenched deliciously around his length.

He filled you up so completely…

You threw her head back, covering your mouth with your hand.

“No, baby, moan for me. Come on, let me hear you.”

“Make me.”, you gasped and his thrusts became a little slower but much much deeper, his hand sneaking between your legs.

Bokuto’s eyes glazed over when you called his name.

“Baby, I’m gonna cum!”

“Yes… nnngh… cum with me, Kou.”, you sounded so sweet, so… deprived. As if you would die if he didn’t give you what you wanted. He increased the pressure between your legs and the speed of his movements.

You clung to him, legs around his waist, fingers digging into his shoulder, teeth grazing his skin trying to muffle your climax.

With a final long grunt he relished in his release, collapsing on top of you - blindly, weakly kissing the crook of your neck.

“Happy Valentine’s Day…”, he muttered, then joined in your giggling.

art: from the manhwa the villainess reverses the hourglass

[mandaloriandragontrainer]

So I wrote this in October 2022, before season 4, but never finished it. It doesn’t really align with canon anymore, and it’s just been sitting in my drafts unfinished. I didn’t want to delete, and I don’t want to finish it, so here it is.

TW: Childbirth

“Please sit down, Your Highness. Your worrying is not helping the princess.”

Callum wiped the sweat from his brow, barely acknowledging Opeli’s suggestion as she brushed by him into the bedroom. He attempted to follow her, only to have the door promptly shut in his face.

“She’s in the best possible hands, Callum,” Ezran assured. He moved the aging glowtoad asleep on the red velvet couch beside him onto his lap, gesturing for Callum to sit. “Everything is going to be all right.”

Callum glanced at his king, who offered him a sympathetic smile. Ezran had excused himself from the court hours ago, ready to stand vigil at his brother’s side. At sixteen, he was already taller than Callum, and far more composed and mature than the brooding mess his elder brother had been at that age.

“I know, I know, it’s just…. stuff can happen, stuff they can’t do anything about, and…” Callum bit his lip and resumed pacing, as he’d been since the moment Rayla was whisked from his sight, wearing a path into the plush carpet of the suite’s sitting room. It was impossible not to worry. His wife, his princess, was the love of his life, his everything, and even with the most skilled of assistance, women still died in childbirth. He remembered a classmate whose mother had died delivering his baby sister. Though the memories were vague (he only went to school for one year after all, educated only by private tutors once his mother wed the king), he would always remember the empty, reddened eyes of his playmate’s father each day when he came to collect his son from the schoolhouse. It was if he would never stop crying. Callum then became convinced the same would happen to Sarai, and howled for hours into Harrow’s tunic when the time came for Ezran to arrive.

He fancied himself more rational now, of course, but the fear remained. Ezran had summoned the most skilled midwives from throughout the Pentarchy to attend his sister-in-law’s labor, joined by several women from the Silvergrove, including Rayla’s own mother. Callum knew a more capable team couldn’t possibly exist than the one aiding his wife. But none of them had ever delivered a halfling child.

Rayla’s pregnancy had been smooth, for the most part. They’d scarcely been married three months when Rayla began to awake sick to her stomach, rousing Callum as she hurried to the bathroom despite her best efforts to remain discrete. He would kneel beside her, gently holding back her silver hair as she hunched over the chamber pot. He insisted his Rayla see the palace physician, and after several miserable mornings spent on the cold marble floor, she relented. Callum shared with the doctor his theory that some elf-hating kitchen worker was poisoning his new bride’s food, and nearly collapsed when the woman instead laughed warmly and informed the couple that the princess was not only perfectly well, she was with child. It was the happiest and most terrifying moment of their lives. They were both so young, still learning to live as husband and wife, and now they were about to be parents. They cried together, both in fear and utter joy, and immediately began squabbling over names.

As far as the doctors and midwives could tell, the baby was growing healthy and strong, and Rayla seemed her usual vibrant self. But no one really knew what to expect. Neglecting his high mage duties, Callum spent many long hours in the royal library, scouring for information on halflings. Surely such children existed, but records were few and far between, and those that did exist spoke either of wretched abominations forsaken by humanity and the arcanums alike or of pitiful little waifs born too soon and dead before their first sunrise. He sought out information from many in the humans kingdoms and Xadia alike, to little success. A Skywing mercenary told him that he once traveled alongside an Earthblood companion with rounded ears and small horns, clumsily attributed to a poor diet as a youngster. An elderly shopkeeper from the Del Bar capital city recalled an infant born in her girlhood village, with four fingers and pale blue skin. The townsfolk shunned mother and baby, and both passed away during the winter. The story made Callum sick, and he felt useless to his wife and unborn child.

He’d scarely left Rayla’s side for the past week, except for when she ordered him out of the room because couldn’t he hear how annoying his breathing was? But elf pregnancies last eight months, humans nine, and she was right in between the two. There was no way he was leaving her when she could labor at any moment.

She’d woken him early that morning, just after the sun rose, grabbing his arm and whispering that something felt different.

“Different like… you want the moon berries inside the jelly tart this time?” he mumbled sleepily. Barius may well bludgeon him to death with his rolling pin if he bothered him again about the consistency of his crusts making Rayla nauseous.

“No, ye’ big dummy,” her violet eyes were big and excited and a touch frightened. “Different like… I think I’m havin’ the baby today.”

Callum shot up right, flinging the duvet onto the floor. “Wait, really? Right now? You’re sure? Okay, don’t panic, you stay right here, I—I’ll go get the doctor! It’s gonna be okay!”

He sprinted out the door, before scrambling back in and planting an enormous kiss on his wife’s forehead. “I love you!” Rayla could only shake her head as he charged back into the hallway, screaming for a maid.

That had been hours ago.

The couple spent the morning in the kitchen with Ezran, munching on pastries and fresh moonberries, before roaming the long palace corridors, Rayla holding Callum’s arm as she walked through the cramps. After her waters came away, her midwifes settled her in her bedchamber, and the pains began in earnest.

At first, the midwives allowed Callum to stay with her. He rubbed Rayla’s back, wiped her forehead with a cool cloth, lifted a glass of water to her lips—before spilling it all over her thanks to his shaking hands. She was in good spirits, all things considered. Certainly handling the whole ordeal better than he was.

“Would ya quit your frettin,’ ya big oaf,” she’d scolded fondly after he apologized for the tenth time over spilling the drink. “Ya’d think you were the one laborin’ with how badly you’re sweatin.’”

The pangs intensified in the afternoon, and Callum found himself wanting to cry at the sight of Rayla’s face, pinched and contorted with pain as she bravely breathed through it. Once the pains came consistently every few minutes, the head midwife checked her and, with a stern expression, ordered Callum from the chamber.

“It isn’t personal, Prince Callum,” Opeli assured with a kind smile as she guided him into the sitting room. “It’s simply the way things are done. King Harrow was not with your mother when Ezran was born either.”

“I know,” Callum stole one last look at his princess, recalling how he clung to his stepfather with all the strength in his little hands as he listened to his mother’s howls echo through the palace halls. “But… but he wanted to, didn’t he?”

Opeli smiled again. “You are like him in many ways.”

It seemed like an eternity had passed since Callum was shut outside the door. Except for Opeli checking in, and the occasional maid fetching fresh supplies, no one had left the room.

A pained grunt from within the bedchamber sent Callum to the door yet again. “Is everything all right?? Rayla, are you okay!?”

A young Moonshadow woman answered a few moments later, shooting the prince a dirty look. “You’re disturbin’ your wife.”

“She—she’s in pain. I just need to know she’s okay. Just—just let me check on her.”

“Childbirth is painful, Highness. She’s doin’ fine. Now sit back down, we’ll let ya know when your bairn arrives.”

Ezran stood up to put an arm around his brother’s shoulder. “She’s okay, Callum. You know how strong she is. And if something goes wrong, they’ll know what to do.”

Another cry tore through the room, and Callum felt the young king’s grip tighten, a flash of fear in his wide blue eyes. A stab of guilt prodded at his heart. Sometimes it was easy to forget that the kid was only sixteen. His little brother. It was Callum’s job to be strong for him.

“Hey… you’re right…” he smiled weakly, returning Ezran’s embrace and internally scolding himself for acting like a fool in front of his brother. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ezran dropped his head down to Callum’s shoulder. “You love her so much. I know it’s awful to hear her in pain and not be able to do anything about it.”

Callum straightened the boy’s crown and repeated the mantra he’d be telling himself all day. “It’ll be over soon.”

Staying strong for Ezran lasted all of ten minutes. Rayla’s moans grew to agonized wails, so long and miserable that Callum feared she wasn’t even able to get in a breath.

“Callum… are you okay?” Ezran asked softly, lightly touching his brother’s hand. Even Bait appeared concerned, his skin a purplish green. It was then Callum realized he had tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’ve—I’ve never heard her… scream like that before…” the mage’s voice wobbled, his throat thick. “It sounds like… like she’s—”

“Oh, Callum! Help me!”

Before Ezran could react, Callum was on his feet, nearly throwing the door off its hinges. “Rayla!” Two maids and the stern-faced Moonshadow woman hurried to stop him, almost knocked to the floor by the frantic young man.

“Callum, please, where are you!?” Rayla sobbed. “It hurts… Callum, it hurts!”

“Your Highness, you cannot be in here!” Opeli rushed to help the other women evict Callum from chambers.

“What’s wrong with her?” he demanded, fighting to reach his wife’s side.

“Callum!” Rayla gasped, her eyes finally locking with his. Her face was flushed and streaked with tears, eyes wild with pain. The thin white nightgown that usually hung so loosely around her nimble frame now clung to her skin, soaked through with sweat. But what scared Callum the most was the blood that stained the sheets around her legs. “Callum, help me!”

“Rayla!”

“Out. Now!”

“Callum, no! Come back, please!”

“No, wait—!” Callum grasped at his hair as the door was once again slammed in his face while his princess continued to scream his name.

“I’m coming, Rayla!” Pausing for a moment, Callum suddenly threw off his outer cloak and charged for the stairwell.

“Callum—”

“Stay there, Ez!”

The high mage barreled down the stairs and into the hallway, narrowly avoiding several collisions with mystified staff members, before sprinting across the inner courtyard to the base of the wide tower holding his study and personal chambers. Even so far below, he could hear his wife's cries, but now her ragged voice offered a glimmer of hope. The sight of the drapes flicking out above him in the evening breeze confirmed his suspicion.

The window was open.

"Manus. Pluma. Volantis."

It took only two powerful strokes to launch Callum up the full height of the tower. Tucking his wings to his side, the prince skillfully swooped into the bedchamber, striking them out again to balance himself as he landed on one knee, his sudden entrance prompting startled shrieks from at least half of Rayla's attendants.

"What is the meaning of this!?" the lead midwife gasped indignantly.

"Callum!" Rayla screamed, reaching out toward her husband. "Callum, ya came!"

In an instant, Callum was at his wife's side, clutching her hand and pressing kisses to her temple. "I'm here, love, I'm here... it's okay, I've got you..."

The midwife attempted to speak. "Prince Callum—"

"Ach, just let him stay, for pity's sake!" Tiadrin barked from her vigil at the opposite side of Rayla's bed, venom in her glare. "Muh poor lass is sufferin' enough without ya draggin' her husband away like a criminal!"

The woman swallowed and glanced back at Opeli, who only shook her head permissively. "Very well. His Highness may stay with the princess so long as he does not interfere with our work."

"I won’t, I swear. I just need to be here with her."

"Oh Callum," Rayla whimpered, a sob escaping her as she gripped his hand with all her strength. "I can't do it, Callum, I—I'm so tired, I think—I think I'm goin' tae die..."

"Shhhh... you're not gonna die, love, you're doing such a good job," Callum assured, tucking a loose strand of her shimmering silver hair behind her ear. "Just hang on a bit longer. It's almost done."

"Baby's head is nearly born, my lady," the midwife announced. "I need you to push with this next pang."

"Callum, I can't!" Rayla bawled, collapsing back against her pillow. "I can't!"

"Yes, yes you can, Rayla! I know you can!" Callum wrapped an arm around her shoulders and helped her upright, squeezing her hand as if he could share his strength with her. "You're so close, Rayla!"

The princess screamed as the pain ripped through her body, bracing down and grasping her husband's hand.

"The head is born, my lady! One more push with the next pain, and your baby will be here."

"You hear that, my love?" Callum kissed Rayla's hand. "Just one more. You're so close." She could only sob in response, turning her head against him and gasping for breath.

"Push, princess!"

[tojisrealwifey]

Just One Chance

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Synopsis: Senju makes a promise to wait for [name] before [name] moves. She's back after 10 years but loving Senju seemed to have backfired on her. Now, as she wallows in self-pity she is reunited with her ex, Mikey.

note: this is an alternate ending for my senju fic. you don't need to know the story but if you're interested you can find it here.

・❥・requests : rules

WARNINGS: MDNI, 18+, Smut, Oral Sex (f.receiving), Fingering, Squirting, Masturbation, Slight Somnophillia, Dacryphilia, Slightly OOC Mikey, Cringe Arguments, Manipulative Reader [she is very selfish], Non-Canon Couples, Drinking, Mentions Of A Foursome.

・❥・wc: 7.8k

・❥・masterlist

"Hey, [name]!" Hearing a faint shout from behind her, she turns around whilst taking off her earphones. She is met by Takeomi and a woman who were making their way through the airport crowd.

She also starts to walk towards them, her black suitcase dragging behind her. 

As soon as she was an arm's distance from them, Takeomi pulled her into a hug. Despite cringing slightly, [name] couldn't stop her lips from perking up into a soft smile. 

"How are ya, [name]?" Takeomi asks her, pulling away. She replies with a faint 'good' before Takeomi is pushed away by the woman who was beside him.

"Hello [name]-chan, it's so nice to meet you." The red-head woman offers a handshake which [name] accepts. 

"Hello, Rika-san, and likewise. Again, I'm really sorry for not attending the wedding, I had crucial exams that week." [name] replies, maintaining her professional tone.

"Awhh, that's no problem honey, also relax, you sound so stiff!" Rika chuckles. 

"I don't- this is how I talk." [name] says, tilting her head slightly. 

"Damn, I'm still not used to you talking so politely, architecture uni really killed your attitude, didn't it?" Takeomi laughs out.

"Or maybe it's cause I'm no longer 17." [name] rolls her eyes. 

"I definitely spoke too soon, the attitude is still there! Anyways, give me your luggage so we can leave already, I hate airports." Takeomi shudders and takes the suitcase from her.

"Honestly, you and your dislike for airports." Rika scolds jokingly but nonetheless follows her husband.

The ride home was quite enjoyable in [name]'s opinion. Rika and she kept chatting away, especially the former, but she did get questions about her job thrown at her which she answered happily. 

[name] had worked extremely hard to get into this profession so, of course, she'll speak proudly of it.

After some time, they finally reached home. When Takeomi was pulling up the car, she noticed her brother, Wakasa, walking out the front door. 

As the car halts, she immediately jumps out and goes to hug her brother, and he does so without any complaints. 

"I missed you..." He smiles into the embrace. 

"Obviously not enough to come pick me up." [name] rolls her eyes playfully. He grunts at her comment but smiles when he notices that she has started to become comfortable showing more emotions.

"Okay, come on, let's go inside. Freshen up, I'll prepare some food."

It had been a day since she arrived back in Japan, 24 hours yet she still hadn't seen the person she longed for the most. 

Right now she sat at the dining table across from Takeomi and his wife, as Wakasa cooked dinner.

She was wearing a pair of comfortable shorts but was wearing a white formal dress shirt since she had just gotten off an online meeting a few minutes ago.

Not being able to contain her thoughts of the pink-haired girl, she confronts Takeomi about it.

"Takeomi-nii, where's Senju?" [name] finally let the question spill. Takeomi freezes. She also didn't miss how Wakasa momentarily paused his cooking. 

"What..?" she asks hesitantly, her mind filled with awful thoughts.

"[name], Senju...she uh.." Takeomi lets out some incoherent babble not knowing what to say. 

"Nii-san?" she turns to her brother this time who also froze up, not giving a proper explanation.

[name] immediately stands up and runs out ignoring her brother's calls from behind her. The cold air hit bare legs. 

She doesn't pay mind to her shorts that keep riding up with every speeding step. She took in heavy breaths but didn't stop till she reached Senju's apartment building. 

Finally halting, takes a moment to recover her breath. Entering the building she first checks the nameplates. 

If [name] remembered correctly, the Akashis' flat was 703. And she was correct, except that instead of Takeomi's name, the apartment seemed to be owned by Akashi Senju.

PING!

She heard the elevator open from behind her. She turns to see a few people emptying out of the elevator, when it is finally clear of people she enters the elevator. 

Pressing the 7th floor she secretly admires the interior of the elevator. She couldn't believe how much this building had changed over 10 years.

The elevator door opens up as it reaches the 7th floor and instantly walks out of it. Walking along the corridors she searched for the door with the number '703'.

Her eyes finally catch the said number and her feet move her towards it. Her vision slightly darkened due to her nervousness but still found the strength to ring the doorbell.

Immediately, she hears a few shuffles as a few footsteps grew closer to the door.

The door swung open as [name]'s face brightened at the thought of finally seeing Senju again.

Except, it wasn't.

Instead of seeing Senju's light pink hair, she was greeted by light brown hair. 

"Yes..?" The shorter woman in front of her spoke. 

"Oh-um...is Senju here?" [name] asks in a faint whisper, suddenly losing her voice, her head instinctively lowers to face her feet.

"[name]?" The other questions in a shocked tone. [name] snaps her head back up, taking a moment to realize who she is speaking to.

"Yuzuha?" She questions, her heart beginning to pound. 

"Ugh, who is it love?" [name] hears a familiar voice, noticing how it had grown slightly mature. 

The girl that she loved walked into the frame, her eyes widening at the sight of [name]. 

Senju sucked in a breath, shock embedded on her face as she stared at [name] with guilt in her eyes.

"Um, [name] please come in..." Yuzuha moves out of the way. [name] mindlessly agrees, taking off her shoes and walking in. 

She was so stunned she failed to notice her actions.

"You both should talk, I'll be inside if you need me." Yuzaha gives a sad smile and walks further into the apartment.

Their lips were sealed shut, both were unable to start the conversation, that was until [name] noticed a shiny rock on Senju's ring finger.

"You're married?" [name] asks. Following her gaze, Senju lifts her hand and fidgets with the ring.

"No, just engaged." Senju replies with a quiet voice.

"Since when?"

"Just now actually..." Senju answers.

[name] closes her eyes, her head tilting back slightly as she accepts the reality of the situation. Her roughed-up appearance made sense now.

They were going to have sex.

[name] felt her throat close up, her heart frantically beating in an unpleasant way. 

Oh, it hurts...

It hurts so much. 

She only now realized how much pain Senju had been put through during their teenage years.

"[name]...I-" 

"Don't." [name] interrupts her.

"It doesn't matter." She continues, releasing a heavy breath. 

"[name] please-"

"Stop Sen-"

"NO, LET ME SPEAK!" The shorter female says raising her voice. [name] stills.

"I- I'm sorry, [name]." Senju's voice wavers as she apologizes.

"Sorry about what?" [name] snaps, her question coming out more stern than she intended.

"I- I-" Senju starts but is cut off when [name] sighs sadly.

"You're sorry that you moved on from me? You're sorry that you broke your promise that you'd wait for me? You're sorry that you're engaged?" [name] asks her.

Senju says nothing except look at the floor guiltily. [name] lets out another sigh.

"You found someone you love and makes you happy. You have nothing to be sorry about Senju." [name] says. 

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Senju asks, finally meeting eyes with [name]. Her vision blurred with tears noticing the [name]'s countenance.

"Like what?" 

"Like you're disappointed in me..." Senju replies in a whisper.

"I am disappointed, but not at you. I am disappointed in myself because I let you down for so long. So if it's anyone that should be sorry, it's me." [name] says but Senju denies shaking her head, tears rolling down her face.

"Please Senju, you just got engaged. Please don't ruin such a happy occasion crying over someone like me..." [name] turns and walks closer to the door.

When she finished wearing shoes, a broken sob reached her ears. 

[name] refused to turn around, because she was aware that if she did, she would break completely.

As much as she wanted to comfort her, [name] knew...

Senju was no longer hers to comfort.

"Goodbye, Senju." [name] says and walks out, pulling the door shut behind her.

[name] walked into the convince store hoping to buy some ice cream. As much as she hated sweets, she wanted something extremely cold.

She hoped to get a brain freeze while eating it, that might help to cool her raging thoughts. 

Once reaching the ice cream section, she gets distracted by the alcohol refrigerator right next to it. Against her better judgment, her hand reaches for the sake bottle.

Five minutes later she was sitting on the pavement with two beers and a pack of cigarettes. 

After realizing she didn't have enough money on her to pay for sake she decided to settle for a can of beer and a cigarette pack. The second beer came with the buy one got one free offer, a total steal honestly.

Although she was never a fan of drinking or smoking, the night called for it. She stands up and decides to savor the commodities in her hands at her favorite spot. 

Reaching the rooftop of the abandoned building, she reminisces about the moments spent at the bowling area that was just a floor beneath her. 

It was her and Mikey's favorite spot.

Oh my god, Mikey...

She hadn't seen him since that day, and honestly, she was glad. She certainly didn't have the courage to face him.

She sat down near the door, knowing she'll be drunk off her ass in the next few minutes, and wanted to avoid any accidents just because she couldn't cope with a stupid heartbreak. 

She took out a single cigarette and placed it between her lips going to light it a bit then realized, she didn't have a lighter...

Letting out a grunt of frustration at her foolishness she places the stick back into the box. She clenched her teeth in anger knowing she just spent 500 yen on cigarettes that couldn't even use.

Despite wanting to chuck the pack away, she didn't. Instead, she held it close.

They were of Benson & Hedges, Shinichiro's favorite brand. 

[name] sighs. This is why she left, just a day back in Japan and she's already depressed. She wished she had never come back, she was happy in the Philippines, but again, she couldn't just leave her brother behind.

She opens one of the beer cans and starts sipping from it. 

Knowing that her alcohol tolerance was non-existent she only decided to drink just a bit, making sure to stay coherent enough to walk down multiple stairs and go back home.

But of course, God has never been on her side, has he?

Sips turned into gulps and within the next minute, she had already started sipping on the second can. 

She didn't know if it was the slight anger towards Senju, or because she was here on the rooftop, but she found her thoughts slipping from Senju to Mikey.

She smiles fondly remembering how much this place meant to her, to them.

They had shared many firsts here. Actually, except for their first kiss, every other first happened here.

The first time they drank, the first time they tried to smoke, first proper confessions, first date, first 'I love you's, the first time they--

[name] cringed at the memory, she couldn't believe how reckless they both were at the time, but what did two 14-year-olds know at that time?

That's what love did, it made them feel like they were the only ones here, and it truly made them feel invincible.

Love is such a dangerous emotion for someone so young, but they both fell into its captivity without realizing it.

They say that an average person falls in love three times.

The first love. The type of love that happens at a young age which is frequently referred to as puppy love. 

It feels euphoric at that time and being young and inexperienced doesn't make you understand what you truly feel.

As you get older, you think back to it and try to figure out if it was really love.

Mikey was her first love.

Then comes the second love.

It is said to be the painful one, it's the one that helps you grow. 

It's said to come with a lot of pain, lies, betrayal, drama, and so on...

And although she was grateful Senju never put her through all this, she wouldn't deny that Senju was her second love.

Lastly, it's the third love.

It's usually the one.

[name] could only wonder when she'll find her third love. 

It's said to come blindly; when your soulmate just walks into your life unexpectedly--

"[name]...?" A soft yet stern speaks from behind her.

[name] felt her heart drop and her breath got stuck in her throat. 

Just when she was having an inner monologue about love he just had to walk into her life again, didn't he?!

"M-Mikeyy...~" [name] slurs turning to face him. 

"What are you doing?!" Mikey raises his voice in shock seeing how drunk she is. 

"Oh just thinking about all the times we fucked here, why else would I be here?" [name] smiles although in her mind she cringes, not believing she some something like that.

'I am never drinking again.' [name] promises herself.

"Come on, I'll take you home..." Mikey walks towards her and takes hold of her wrist. 

"No! Come sit and d-drink with m-*hic* me~" She tugs him closer but he doesn't budge.

"[name], lets go." He says sternly once again, but she only shakes her head.

"No- come on just a drink, just like old times~" [name] pushes her half-empty can of beer into his face. 

He sighs in defeat and takes it from her.

"If you insist." but instead of drinking, he chucks the can over his shoulder obviously not realizing how much force he used because it ended up falling over the roof and landing on the road with a soft clatter.

[name] gaped at him in shock.

"No! Why did you do that?!" She stands up immediately and goes to push him, only to miss and trip over her own feet.

Luckily, he stopped her fall. [name] looks back at him, only to realize she was seeing two of him, her vision suddenly blurred as she felt herself sobering up at the sight of him.

She finally got a good look at his face, and for a second the same feeling of love filled her stomach. 

"Manjiro..." Her vision clears up and her eyes fall on the dragon tattoo on his neck. 

Lifting her hand she traces the ink on his neck, slowly striding closer, and instinctively places her lips on his. 

But to her disappointment, he doesn't respond and pulls away within the very second. 

They both stand in silence trying to understand the situation. She was surprised by her own actions, the shock sobering her up completely.

She takes a few steps back and starts apologizing.

"I'm sorry, that was very out of line...that was definitely not fair to your girlfriend." [name] says, the words spilling out before she can stop them.

"Oh? So it's fair to me?" Mikey replies haughtily. [name] shakes her head.

"It's unfair to you too..." She looks away, unable to muster up to courage to look at him.

"Hmm, don't worry about it. Plus, I don't have a girlfriend." He replies.

"Oh, boyfriend...?" She asks.

"No boyfriend either, [name]." Mikey says.

"Then...why did you pull away?" She asks nervously looking down at her feet.

"Maybe because we're not together? Also, the fact that you're drunk?" He replies with a soft voice.

"R-right...also, I'm not drunk. I just got a bit tipsy and wasn't thinking straight, so sorry for that..." 

[name] felt emotionally distraught, and Mikey didn't fail to notice that.

"Come on, I'll take you home." Mikey says but [name] just shakes her head.

"No, I don't want to go there right now..." She wraps her hands around herself to provide some sort of warmth.

"Then where do you wanna go?" Mikey asks; taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her figure. 

Such gestures, it all felt so natural.

"You place...?" [name] asks hesitantly. Mikey sighs in disapproval.

"[name]..." Although he couldn't imagine leaving her so he agreed silently.

He took her to the Sano Residence on his CB250T. She was impressed to see how well he managed to maintain the bike even after so many years.

"I see you still live here." [name] smiles softly.

"This place has too many memories, I couldn't leave." Mikey smiles back.

"Is Grandpa in? I figure he's sleeping right now?" [name] asks.

"[name], he passed away years ago..." Mikey replies, his voice wavering. She looked at him in shock as this was the first she ever heard of it.

"What? When?!"

"A year after you left..."

"So, you've been living here all by yourself...?" She questions with a small frown.

"Pretty much." He replies and starts to guide her into the house.

It wasn't fair. He had been through so much, he had lost so many people.

His Mother, Father, Shinichiro, Baji, Draken, Emma, Izana, and His Grandfather.

And [name] left him as well...

"Why the long face?" Mikey brings his index fingers to the side of her lips and slightly pulls them up into a smile.

[name] giggles like every other time he did this gesture when they were young.

"Nothing..."

"Come on, tell me." he insists.

"I just- I'm not saying this is an insensitive way but, I feel like this house holds so many sad memories. I couldn't imagine being strong enough to put up with everything...does that make sense?" [name] rambles on.

"It's true, this place has seen such sad moments but at the end of the day, this house is a part of me. I couldn't imagine leaving this place. Hopefully, I'll find someone to make new memories here with..." Mikey trails off.

"O-oh...do you have someone in mind already?" [name] tries to keep her voice strong but a stutter manages to slip in.

"Honestly, I always thought of it being you..." he says with a sad smile. 

"Do you still love me, Manjiro?" She brings up the courage to ask the question.

"Yeah...I do." 

"Then why did you pull away?!" 

"Because you don't love me back, [name]! You know what?! I am so sick of this! Even when we were broken up 10 years ago, every time you found yourself frustrated with Senju, you came to me. Ever since then you always kept me as your second option, and I hate that!" Mikey snaps at her.

[name] goes to defend herself but gets interrupted.

"Don't think I'm stupid [name]! I know exactly why you were drunk and crying just now, it's because you found out about Senju and Yuzuha didn't you? I was just trying to be a decent person and comfort you but then you went and kissed me, trying to distract yourself like you always do!

You did that before you left too! And I was so blinded by what I felt for you that I agreed with everything you did, not even considering the fact you were just using me as a goddamn stress reliever! Can't you see that what you did hurt me as well!" 

Mikey's eyes filled with regret, he hadn't meant to snap at her but he had a limit as well.

"Manjiro I- I'm sorry that I made you feel that way...I didn't realize it I swear! At that time, running away always seemed to be the best option, but I never realized how many people I ended up hurting in the process..." [name] trailed off, her eyes welled up tears that she instantly blinked away. 

After all, she had no right to cry.

"It's alright...I'm also at fault for leaving you like that." Mikey reasons.

"But you did that to protect me, to protect everyone. It's not the same. Fuck, I am the worst, aren't I?" [name] covers her face, tears burning her eyes.

"To be honest, yeah." Mikey's lips form a thin line. [name] scoffs at his reply but agrees cause it's the truth.

"But that's the past. Now that you're back, you can start over." [name] uncovers her face and gives Mikey a grateful smile. She appreciated his attempt to reassure her.

"Do you still sleep in your garage room?" 

"No, I shifted to aneki's room, although it's still there. Here, the guest room is right here, you can stay here for the night." Mikey leads to the second-last room.

"Thanks..." 

"No problem, you can take a shower if you'd like, although I don't think you need one. You smell quite nice." Mikey says before his lips seal shut. 

[name] stares at him blankly trying to process what he said.

"Fuck, that was weird. I'm sorry, I just didn't think I'll ever see you again so my mind isn't working properly..." he explains trying to subdue his embarrassment. [name] stifles her giggles.

"It's alright, Manjiro. Good night." She smiles softly.

"Yeah, night. I'm just in the next room so shout if you need help." 

[name] just nods and closes the door behind her.

It was around 2 AM when [name] found herself awake on the bed. Her mind was plagued by the thoughts of Senju.

Despite what her selfish heart asked for she knew Senju was just a star that she could never reach. A love that will never be hers.

She is distracted by the sound of glass clinking coming from elsewhere, so she gets out of bed and ventures out of the room. 

Letting the sound of running water be her guide she traverses through the house and comes face to face with Mikey who had just finished rinsing a glass.

"Sorry, did that wake you?" Mikey gives her an apologetic look under the moonlight that seeps through the windows.

"Ah no, I was awake." Was all she said.

"Thirsty?"

"No...Manjiro?" [name] calls out to him.

"Hm?" 

"Was it real for you...?" [name]'s voice comes out weak but her gaze does not falter.

"I don't understand." Mikey replies, confused by her question.

"Everything that happens between us. Was it real for you as it was for me?" [name] asks with a sad gaze, slowly coaxing him to answer.

"I think I made my feelings clear every single time, [name]." Mikey sighs, but then flinches at the sight in front of him.

[name]'s cheeks slowly got covered in tears as she finally succumbed to the events of today. Unable to stop herself she strides closer to Mikey and hugs him, words of gratitude falling from her lips.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for loving me back then. For loving me now. Thank you."

Mikey holds her close while responding to her words with comforting pats on the back. Minutes go by and they remain the same. The flow of her tears were far from slowing down and so were her words of gratitude.

She very slowly pulls her head away from the side of his neck and moves her face close to his.

"Thank you." As the gratitude is whispered into the night, [name] connects her lips to her first love's.

This time Mikey does not withdraw, and only pushes closer, indulging in her taste.

Slowly, they guide their bodies to Mikey's room. Once the back of [name]'s legs hit the bed, she gently falls back before letting her back rest on the bed.

Her legs were spread apart for Mikey to move with ease as his lips continued their ministrations on her collarbone. 

Pulling back to start undressing her, he halts to admire the love of his life.

Her lips were wet, small trails of moisture on her cheeks and neck glistened under the moonlight, the sight itself made him weak.

His hands work to get rid of her shorts so she's bare from the waist down spare for her underwear.

He doesn't remove the white dress shirt she adorned, instead, he unbuttons the first few buttons just enough to reveal the simple black bra that held her weight.

His right hand smoothly slid her bra up enough to expose her chest and the way he did so made it seem as though her breasts were trapped.

[name] lets a weak whimper escape her lips as Mikey's tongue slithered on the valley between her breasts. 

His thumbs teased her nipples as his mouth trailed her collarbone. Slowly moving his mouth to one of her breasts he wrapped his lips around her nipple, using his tongue to add to the pleasure.

His tongue kept rolling around her nipple, saliva leaked from his mouth to the sides of her breast leaving prominent trails. 

He couldn't get enough, feeling how her nipple slowly but surely turned hard. He continues to do the same to her other breast before placing his hands around her waist to flip her over.

[name] balanced herself on her hands and knees, letting out faux moans as Mikey's thumb rubbed her clit through the fabric.

Slowly pulling her underwear down yet not completely off, his fingers brush through her folds smoothly.

Mikey stares at her cunt with a blank stare. Somehow he wasn't surprised at the the lack of arousal. 

His eyes grew pained yet a sad smile took over his lips.

He had yet again fallen prey to [name]'s false words.

Gathering some saliva on his tongue he slides it over her clit and her folds finally plunging into her waiting hole.

[name] lets out a loud hoarse moan, not trying to muffle her sounds like she usually does. 

"Ahhh- There!" 

[name] occasionally lets out words of affirmation as Mikey's tongue fucks her now-sopping cunt. 

His teeth would sometimes nip at her clit painfully as a form of revenge yet [name] only found pleasure in it.

[name] continuously lets out moans unable to stop her approaching orgasm.

She couldn't deny that this was the best tongue to have touched her. The title would change every now and then while she was a student at uni.

Her best experience was during a foursome with fellow female students.

Her cunt clenches around Mikey's tongue at the thought, mind becoming hazy as she feels her clit throb.

She remembers how amazing it was. She was in the same position as she is now but her mouth was on an older's classmate's cunt, licking away at her folds.

She herself was getting her pussy kitten licked by two other classmates. One had her tongue constantly sucking on her clit to the point it was red and puffy. 

The other would use her tongue to assault her insides, switching between her fingers as her tongue would kitten-lick her asshole despite [name]'s protests or she would engage in a sloppy kiss with the other girl, their tongues still coated in [name]'s arousal.

That was the last time she had a shaking orgasm, that was until tonight.

[name] had unconsciously started to push against Mikey's tongue, his wet muscle was long enough to somehow brush against her g-spot. His nose rested dangerously close to her other entrance, and she would moan every time it lightly touched her.

She pushes back harder as she slowly feels her orgasm fade, so she thinks of the only thing that could release all the tension.

[name] plants her face against the mattress and moans into it as she thinks of Senju in every position imaginable.

She did the same in all her years at uni as she would fuck anyone who remotely resembled Senju or sometimes Mikey.

She thought of how Senju's tongue would feel on her cunt. She imagined her cunt against hers, hands tied as [name] would ride her face.

Tears prick her eyes as the thoughts overwhelm her.

"SE—AGH AHH! THERE! PLEASE! PLEA- AHH! MIKEY!" 

[name] squirts for the first time in 4 months. Her arousal coated her thighs, tainting the bedsheet below her.

Trying to ride out her high, she grinds her soaked cunt across his face in hopes of more stimulation, making sure to rub her clit on his nose and completely drench his face.

Mikey lets her move as she pleases, aiding her by softly licking up all her arousal. 

As he finished, he places a small kiss on her clit before standing up to walk away.

Before he could get too far, [name] shifts to sit on her knees and stops him by holding his hand. 

"Where are you going...?" [name] asks in a slight panic. Mikey only smiled down at her.

"Get some sleep, [name]." He replies trying to free his hand from her grasp.

"What...do you- why did you stop? What about you-?"

"This is enough [name]." Mikey loses smile.

"No, it's not- I need more! More than her- Mikey, please! Please..." [name] sobs guiding Mikey's hand between her thighs, coaxing two of his fingers to slide inside her.

Once they were settled in she moved her hips to mimic riding his fingers as she once did him, trying to lure him in. Her back was arched, pushing out her chest so they would move along with her hips. Her head tilted back to expose her neck, making it look so kissable.

Mikey was slightly caught off guard by her actions, never having seen her so desperate and submissive. He clenches his teeth in anger but keeps his mouth shut, only replying by driving his fingers deeper.

"Ahh! Just like that!" 

[name]'s moans were music to his ears yet it made them bleed, knowing nothing was directed towards him.

"You're so fucking selfish." 

Those were Mikey's last words before he rips his hand away from [name], completely distributing her orgasm.

"Manjiro what are you-?!" [name] exclaims but gets interrupted by the shutting of the door.

As a few minutes go by she hears rustling around the house she can see from the window how Mikey leaves the house looking fresh as if she hadn't just drenched his face.

He soon leaves on his bike, driving into the lonely night.

Tears now stained her face. 

How could he just leave her? Who should she go to next? How else could she stop the throbbing between her legs that had yet to subside?

[name] falls back on her back, her head on the pillows. 

She spreads her legs and immediately plunges two of her fingers into her weeping cunt. As she did so she was brought some relief, but her clit still pulsated against her palm. 

She sits up slightly, her right hand still in her cunt and she leans against the head of the bed using her left hand to support herself. 

Her left hand then moved to her breasts which were still trapped between her bra and her shirt. Her fingers stimulate her nipple as she continued to finger fuck herself, her mind filled with images of an engaged woman. 

She imagined fucking Senju in her favorite position. 

When she was at uni and became intimate with anyone who was similarly submissive to Senju she would fuck them in this position, hoping to do the same to her love one day.

Her room had a thin and long mirror on the side of her bed and there was enough distance between them to fit two people.

So as she would get eaten out by her partner for the night, she would make sure the girl would have her bare cunt pressed against the mirror.

She wouldn't stop the girl's actions until she was sure that the part of the mirror and everything below was covered in her arousal. 

When it was, she would shift the both of them so that [name] was sitting on her knees and the girl was lying flat on the floor, her legs over [name]'s shoulder would rest on her bed and the girl would have a complete view of her arousal and her dripping cunt as it got fucked by [name].

[name] would then tease the girl with her tongue all night and she forced her to lick up her own arousal on the mirror.

The girls who had experienced this would cry and cry, the filthy actions would embarrass them but they would only grow closer to their release.

Sadly for them, even during these intimate moments, [name]'s mind would only replace them with a certain pink-haired girl.

[name] felt herself growing close to her orgasm when thinking of Senju in the same position.

But suddenly her mind replaces herself with the image and Yuzuha and it breaks [name]. Shaking her head in defiance she continues her actions nonetheless.

Her fingers started to numb and her arm started to hurt, but she didn't stop until she had released all over her fingers.

Letting her breathing slow down she brings up her hand close to her face to look at her arousal.

After she cooled down she let her forearm rest over her eyes, letting her tears flow.

Mikey hadn't felt such disappointed in years. As ashamed as he was to admit it, he was disappointed in [name] more so than he was in himself. 

He had noticed how she had called him 'Mikey' as opposed to 'Manjiro' like she usually does.

It's something that she had started doing somewhere in between his Kantou Manji days. It had started when Senju had officially entered the picture.

Without even realizing it, he had played right into her hands. She would lure him with her sweet 'Manjiro's and her lips would only spill 'Mikey's as she would fuck him.

It was already too late when he came to the realization.

Everything was different when she loved him, and only him. It was sweet. And a part of him believes it all went to shit when he left, yet he atoned for his actions. 

He was truly happy when [name] found love but when years later he heard of Senju and Yuzuha a part of him felt guilty, even though he hadn't done anything wrong.

Everyone else who was aware of [name] and Senju was also a bit distraught, but they were happy for Senju and Yuzuha nonetheless.

Mikey himself was happy for Senju for finding her happiness and hoped that [name] would be too but, by last night's events it was pretty clear how she had taken the news.

Because if she was happy, she wouldn't have kissed him. It had become second nature for her, if Senju does something wrong, go to Mikey. It had been drilled into her bones. 

Mikey walks into his house at around 9 AM. He looked to see if [name] was still here and sure enough, her shoes were right there.

He goes to check his room and finds [name] fast asleep on his bed. Her back was on the mattress, her head leaned up due to it resting on multiple pillows. Her hands were on each side of her head, and her legs were slightly pressed together and folded up.  

When he saw her face, he noticed how her lips were parted with small gasps escaping them, her face contorting as if there was some sort of tension building.

"Senju...Senju...~" 

Hearing this Mikey's eyes unconsciously drift to [name]'s slightly exposed cunt, there was a prominent trail of her arousal leaking from her hole.

Against his better judgment, he finds himself yet again at the mercy of [name], hands on her knees to spread them apart.

He uses his finger to see how wet she is and is utterly surprised to see her completely soaked as he spreads her folds. 

[name] lets out a pitiful whimper at his action.

Without another second being wasted, he sticks out his tongue and licks up from her asshole to her hole, gathering all of her arousal and pushing it back inside her.

[name] moans but doesn't wake, her lips forming the phonetics of Senju's name.

Removing his tongue from inside her, Mikey just licks her all over her cunt, trying to build her orgasm.

[name]'s eyes open but her vision is blurry, she just feels extremely wet all over and can only make out how her thighs felt to be trembling.

When she leans up and looks down to see Mikey eating her out, her head falls back and her cunt pushes forward on his tongue. Noticing her to be awake now Mikey goes back to driving his tongue inside her.

The loud squelching sounds slowly brought her out of her sleepy state, her hips starting to push against him making a few squirts spurt out of her cunt and onto Mikey's tongue.

"Ah~ Ah~ Mikey...what are you-?"

"Shhhhh..."

Feeling him speak against her clit just brings her orgasm closer. This all felt like a fever dream to her. 

Mikey pulls away from making her whine but her mouth is agape when Mikey moves to her side and up to suck on her nipple, his fingers stimulating her soaking folds.

His tongue moved around her nipple along with his fingers and these actions were too blinding for her, falling into complete submission for the first time.

Two of his fingers suddenly plunge into her just as he softly bites her nipple, her head is thrown back as she moans out.

"Ahh! Senju!"

[name]'s eyes widened in horror, instantly looking at Mikey's face but his eyes remained closed, but she noticed how thin tears spilled from the corners of his eyes and fell onto her body, getting camouflaged within her sweat.

His mouth was still sucking on her mounds and the movement of his fingers hadn't faltered for a second. 

In fact, his thrusting had sped up, hitting her g-spot repeatedly, she was sure her cunt would be puffed up due to the sheer force of his fingers. 

"Mikey I—" 

"Just finish, [name]." 

And she does.

Her release coats his hand up to his wrists as his fingers reach knuckles deep in her cunt to coax out every drop.

This continued for a few minutes till their breathing was no longer erratic. 

Mikey shifts once again to place himself between her legs to lick up all of her arousal, [name] remains silent ignoring how her cunt clenches around nothing as Mikey smoothes his tongue all over her folds licking her clean.

Once he is done, he places a kiss on her clit like he always does before getting out of the bed.

"Manjiro-"

"Take a bath. I have some clothes for you, freshen up." Mikey interrupts her before walking away from her for the second time.

"Where did you get my clothes from? Did you visit Waka-nii when you left?" [name] questions as she stands at the door wearing her shoes.

"Yes, I didn't think you had informed them so I knew they would be worried. I told them I found you drunk so you're sleeping at my house."

—————————

09:34 AM

"She's at your house?" Wakasa asks in a worried tone.

"Yes, I found her drunk and felt uncomfortable leaving her alone. I tried to bring her here but she kept fighting so I just brought her back to my house." 

"Drunk?...*sigh* I see, thanks for informing me. You said you needed some clothes? Wait I'll get some for you." Wakasa replies massaging his head.

He returns a few minutes later, a paper bag in hand.

"I'm sorry about [name], Mikey. I wasn't too worried knowing she wouldn't do anything reckless, but just before you came here Takeomi called me and said that Senju and Yuzuha had gotten engaged last night." 

Wakasa sighs out as Mikey's eyes widen in surprise as he thinks back to a few hours ago.

"This is enough [name]." Mikey loses smile.

"No, it's not- I need more! More than her- Mikey please! Please..." [name] sobs guiding Mikey's hand between her thighs, coaxing two of his fingers to slide inside her.

Once they were settled in she moved her hips to mimic riding his fingers as she once did him, trying to lure him in. Her back was arched, pushing out her chest so they would move along with her hips. Her head tilted back to expose her neck, making it look so kissable.

Mikey was slightly caught off guard by her actions, never having seen her so desperate and submissive. He clenches his teeth in anger but keeps his mouth shut, only replying by driving his fingers deeper.

He thinks back to how desperate and broken her mind seemed to work, and suddenly everything made sense.

He realized she had probably met them right after the proposal. He felt pity for [name] yet it was still not an excuse for her behavior.

"She didn't do anything drastic right?" Wakasa asks Mikey to make sure [name] wasn't too disruptive.

"Don't worry Wakasa-san, she fell asleep as soon as she hit the bed." Mikey replies with an uncertain smile.

"I see...Please ask her to come home soon. Thanks for doing this Mikey." Wakasa pats him on the shoulder walking back into his house.

—————————

"You told him I was drunk?" [name] asked shocked by the revelation. Mikey gives her a nod.

"He's going to murder me... You- ...You didn't say anything else right?"

[name] averts her gaze as she questions him.

"No, I just said you fell asleep as soon as you got to the bed." He explains.

"But..." He continues making [name] look at him in a slight panic.

"I don't take your brother for an idiot." 

That was all he said.

[name] nods at him before finally saying everything she had decided to say while taking a shower.

"Manjiro, I'm sorry. I truly am. I was sorry all those years ago, I was sorry last night, and I will continue to remain sorry for what I have done. I have no excuse for—"

"[name] you don't need to do this-" Mikey's words interrupt her but it only makes [name] lash out.

"No! I have to. You deserve an apology, okay?!" His lips seal shut and [name] takes it as a sign to continue.

"I was really sad when I found out that Senju and Yuzuha had gotten engaged. Over the years Senju had started growing distant towards me to the point that we had completely stopped talking. 

A part of me knew that she slowly realized that it wasn't worth loving someone like me, she didn't need to stay with someone who tormented her at every turn. 

I was so depressed by the silent rejection that I would sleep with anyone who slightly resembled her in looks, personality, submission, or anything that reminded me of her. I would project her onto my partners and I unconsciously did the same to you.

I would try to stop myself by telling myself that Senju and I just got too busy, friends drift apart but when they meet it's left they never left. I would tell myself that it would be the same with us. That Senju would love me again when she saw me, yet it didn't go as planned.

Manjiro, It wasn't a lie when I said I loved you. I love you! I really really love you! But when Senju came into the picture I started loving her even though I never forgot you. I...

Manjiro, I'll be better! I'll go to therapy, anything! Anything to better myself. Just give me a chance... I'll be better so you won't ever regret having loved me. I'll make myself better so you don't have to be ashamed of me. Just give me a chance..." 

[name]'s heart felt light as soon as all the words spilled out of her, but immediately a brick was stacked on her heart once again and she dreaded his response.

She told herself that no matter his response, no matter what he said she would accept. 

"Okay."

[name] looks at him in disbelief. Did he just agree?

"Okay?" 

"Okay. I'll give you a chance. But only when you can accept the true relationship between Senju and Yuzuha. Can you do that?" Mikey asks her.

[name] nods trying to compose herself.

"Yes, I can do that!" [name] assures.

"Are you sure, [name]? Are you ready to accept the fact that Senju no longer loves you? Are you ready to accept the fact that as we speak Senju is probably getting filled and fucked by someone who will never be you?" 

By the end of the sentence, Mikey had pulled [name] close to him by her shoulders, making sure that her eyes stared back at his. 

He knew his words were brutally honest, the last part might have been unnecessary but he could no longer ignore just how hurt he was by her.

[name]'s heart ached at his words but she kept staring back, not moving her gaze for even a second.

"Yes. For you, I will accept it." Was [name]'s response. Hearing this Mikey lets go of [name] and steps back. A few seconds go by as neither of them says anything, yet they don't break their stare.

"Very well. I will wait for you." Mikey finally lets out a smile, his heart grows heavy when [name] smiles back and bows as a thank you.

He watches as she turns around and leaves the house, closing the door behind her.

He already knew how fate works, and what it will do to him since god was never on his side.

He always wondered if he was being watched by the devil, and he wondered if he would keep looking upon him till he had taken everyone from his life.

[name] too wondered if she had a devil in her.

Being loved by [name] was truly a beautiful thing. But it would become dangerous if it isn't reciprocated. She would never directly hurt anyone, but everyone around her would end up in the crossfire and would get used by her to ease her.

Then she would think of ways revenge, payback in ways that would have her love come crawling back.

Even now, as she makes her way home the devil persuades her to forget about Mikey. He tells [name] to go find Senju and make her forget all about her fiance.

He coaxes [name] to find her and fuck her into oblivion. Make sure that [name] will always be the best tongue to fuck her, the best fingers to stuff her full, the best pussy she'll ever taste, the best sex she'll ever experience. The most loved she'll ever feel.

This was tempting for [name], but for now, she'll ignore the devil and only listen to Mikey. She will make him take the place of an angel or rather...

Make him a devil to kill her own.

[dragonlover123a]

Hooves

Lucifer sighed as he took off his socks and boots, staring at his feet in disdain.

Being a goat based angel, Lucifer had hooves. And they used to be such a beautiful golden color, shimmering in the light of the Garden of Eden.

But that was such a long time ago. Eons in fact. Since then, Lucifer had fallen into a deep depression and had been unable to care for them properly. So now they were an ugly, dirty yellow in color.

Suddenly, a hand was lifting the fallen angel's face upwards, making him jump slightly in surprise. But Lucifer quickly relaxed when he saw it was just his husband.

Alastor, the Radio Demon might've been a terrifying apex predator in the eyes of many sinners and lower Hellborns alike, but to Lucifer, he was merely a nuisance. Or at least at first. Despite his height, Lucifer could be the bigger man and admit that he did sorta start it when he insulted Alastor's bar. But Alastor telling him he was a terrible father was, while correct, a low blow. Lucifer couldn't help falling head over hooves for the deer though. His tendencies to creep around in the shadows or how he would snap and crack his neck at odd angles was oddly endearing to Lucifer. Alastor was courageously himself, no matter if he was in a room of Sinners or demonic royalty. And Lucifer loved him for it.

"My darling Little Apple~" Alastor crooned, rubbing his thumb over his husband's rose colored cheek, "What's ever the matter, my dear?"

Gold dusted Lucifer's cheeks, blushing heavily at the pet names. "Oh! Nothing really... I... Um..." he stammered, trying to hide his hooves.

Of course, Alastor noticed. Kneeling before the king, the demon gently wrapped his much larger hand around the angel's ankle, tugging it forward to inspect the dirty yellow hoof.

"My," Alastor tsked disapprovingly, "When was the last time you cleaned and polished your hooves?" He asked, looking up at Lucifer with a raised brow.

"Oh! Um...." Lucifer fidgeted under his husband's gaze. Could he reduce the deer demon to atoms with a snap of his fingers? Sure he could. But he couldn't help but feel nervous as Alastor scolded him for not taking care of himself. "Couple... Thousand... years... Maybe?" Lucifer admitted, giving Alastor a sheepish smile.

Alastor chuckled fondly, shaking his head as he stood to sit next to Lucifer. The angel was suddenly pulled into the deer's lap, making him let out an undignified squeak.

"Hey! What are you....?!"

"Hush, darling," Alastor interrupted. With a wave of his hand, one of his shadows presented him with a case of supplies. "Proper hoof care is vital for those with them, whether they be a demon like myself, or an angel, my Little Apple." Alastor lectured as he picked out a tool and got to work cleaning and polishing the shorter blond's hooves.

Lucifer couldn't help but relax into his husband's lap. Between the surprisingly pleasant feeling of his husband's red claws gently scratching off some especially stubborn gunk, the natural static that emitted from his large form and the gentle humming as he worked, Lucifer found himself dozing off.

He was awoken a little while later to Alastor running his fingers through his blond locks, blinking and looking up at him. "Done already?"

Alastor hummed in confirmation, shifting Lucifer in his lap so he could inspect his work for himself. What Lucifer saw, made him want to start crying. His hooves, once a dirty yellow for eons, had been restored to their original gleaming gold.

"What do you think?"

"I..." Lucifer choked out, "I don't know what to say... Thank you Alastor. Thank you so much!" He couldn't help but cry out, throwing his arms around the deer's middle.

Alastor landed on his back on the mattress of the bed with an "OOMF!" but couldn't help but chuckle at his husband's enthusiastic thanks, running his claws through his blond hair.

"You are very welcome, my dear sweet, Little Apple" he cooed.

[coffeeghoulie]

I'd love if you wrote more hockey dewther. You mentioned they shared an apartment when starting out so there had to be moments where those oblivious idiots acted like a couple or others thought they were already one. Any backstory insight would be lovely though.

so I knew exactly what to write for this one, the only person who knew this scene existed before you sent this ask was @askingforthesun, but you're right, there were so many moments that those fools acted like a couple long before they knew they had feelings.

featuring the beginning of Aether's journey into being a cat dad, Dew growing out his hair, and Swiss lovingly starting trouble.

also tagging @forlorn-crows and @nocturnalghoul for hockey shenanigans (though there's no real hockey in this lmao)

divider by @ghuleh-recs <3

"You looking forward to playing in the big leagues, Dew?" Aether asks, folding the last of Dew's many, many band shirts into a cardboard box, folding the flaps shut.

"Moving cross country again for hockey?" Dew takes a deep breath, slumping back against the back of the couch. "No's not the right answer, huh?" He says, packing his own box full of stick wax and tape and skate laces. "It's the majors. Of course I'm looking forward to it. I've been working for this for my entire life. I'm excited. Just. Um. I don't want to leave you all by your lonesome. You're codependent."

He snarks, but Aether's been in close quarters with Dew for two years, has lived with him for a season and a half. There's the bite of worry there.

Aether hums, eyes darting over as he hears the skittering of tiny claws on vinyl. A kitten scrambles into the living room, big amber eyes and red fluffy tail, as she chases a toy she's been playing with on legs too long for her body. Aether sets the box down, scooping up the kitten he'd gotten a few weeks ago. She's tiny, or Aether's hands are just huge, because she fits perfectly in his palms.

"Hello, little Lady," he coos, grinning as she purrs, rubbing her little cheek against him. He turns back to Dew. "Don't worry about leaving me, Dewey, I've got your replacement right here."

Dew's expression softens as he looks up at the tiny cat in his hands. "Gimme," he says, reaching out to Aether. "Gimme the baby."

Aether's never been able to deny Dew anything. He sets Lady down into Dew's waiting hands, her paws splayed out as she settles in his lap. Dew scratches under her chin and smiles at her, warm and toothy. The way he smiles when he thinks Aether can't see.

Lady's delighted by the change in location, meowing loudly and little ears flicking as Dew pets her. "Gonna miss you, little girl," he whispers, and Aether looks over at the boxes in their living room, pretending he can't hear. Most of them will go in storage, but the rest will get shipped to Dew's new apartment several states away.

"Yeah, probably shouldn't have gotten a kitten right before the season starts," Aether says. He sits down on the couch next to Dew. Not touching, but still close.

"She'll be good for you," Dew says, not looking up at him. His hair's just beginning to brush the tops of his shoulders. "I know you'll make a great cat dad."

His lips quirk up. "Aw, so sweet of you."

"Yeah, you know me, bruiser Dewdrop, so sweet," Dew says absentmindedly, reaching for one of the bundles of skate laces he'd thrown into the box. It unravels as he grabs it, and they both laugh as Lady's eyes lock onto the aglet. Her pupils blow from slits, fascinated.

She bats at the lace, little, white needlesharp claws extended. Dew smiles warmly, not looking up as Aether pulls his phone out. He makes sure that his phone is silenced before snapping the picture of two of the most important things in his life right now.

Eventually, Lady rips the lace from Dew's loose grip, rolling onto her back to bat at it with her hindpaws, ever the little hunter. Dew lets her play, turning to face Aether as he slips his phone back into his pocket.

"For real though, are you going to be good out here?" He asks, real, genuine concern slipping into his voice. "I mean, I'm sure I'm going to be seeing Kärnan on the back of a Ghouls jersey before long, but you good?"

Aether shrugs. "I mean, I got by just fine before I met you." He chuckles, and Dew turns back to the kitten. Soon, they will finish packing up Dew's things, and the apartment will be half as loud.

And because Dew's halfway across the country, there's no way that he will know when Aether gets that picture printed in a little glossy 3 by 4 and tucks it into his wallet. And it stays there.

It stays when Aether gets the call not even six months later, the Ghouls' first line defenseman having suffered a severe knee injury and needing a replacement while on injured reserve. Dew's right about his name on the back of a Ghouls' jersey. They're both surprised about how quickly he was right, though.

The picture stays for the four seasons he plays with the Ghouls, stays when he's voted captain twice in a row. It stays when he falls in love with his best friends, is accepted into their arms as one of their own.

It stays completely a secret until one winter night, warm lights on in their apartment. Snow's piling in the corners of the window panes, and Lady, full grown now and elegant, curls up on the couch next to Aether. He's got his laptop on his lap, one hand idly petting through her russet fur, the other typing as best he can. There's music coming from the kitchen, Swiss playing something from his phone as he finishes up making a bagel, late night snack. Water runs in the other side of the apartment, Dew taking a long shower.

Aether pats at his pocket, cursing softly under his breath when he remembers where he put his wallet when he got home that afternoon. "Swiss," he calls. There's the clatter of silverware in the sink, and he sticks his head into the living room, licking cream cheese from his fingertip.

"Yeah, Aeth?"

"Would you be a dear and grab my wallet?" he asks, smiling warmly. Swiss matches his grin.

"Sure thing. You getting the tickets?"

"Mhm," Aether hums as Swiss steps back into the kitchen. "It's not going to be that good a view to be watching hockey from, but it'll be nice to surprise them regardless."

"Very much so," he calls. It only takes a moment before Swiss is back, paper plate with his bagel in one hand and wallet in the other. He doesn't have a good grip on it, and it falls open, revealing that secret picture of Dew. "Oh, what's this?" he teases, jovial. "Who's that handsome young man?"

Aether snorts, even as color comes to his cheeks. "He doesn't know about that one, I'd like to keep it that way."

"Well," Swiss chortles, plopping down onto the couch on the other side of Lady. She mrrps, disturbed from her sleep, but she happily presses her face into Swiss's hand as he pets her. "I believe I recognize my step-daughter. This must be from before the big leagues, huh?"

Aether sighs, ignoring Swiss's favorite joke. "Dew'd just been called up. Half a season before me."

"God, how did you not know you were in love with him then," he teases, taking a big bite of his bagel.

Aether snorts and rolls his eyes, pulling a card from his wallet and typing in his information. "I don't know," he admits. "But I know now."

Swiss wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulls him in close over Lady's curled up form. "Yeah. We know now."

[jennifercheckapologist]

Bandit Like Me - 00

Synopsis: You meet Ellie at her album release and she offers you her jacket.

Pairing: Rockstar!Ellie x Musician!Reader (Side Abby x Reader)

Warnings: None, really; Ellie's a slut (and southern); Reader's a slut (and southern); Reader isn't explicitly femme or masc, but I'm femme and everything I do is for myself; Eventual Smut; Joel is Super Alive

A/N: I haven't written something with a real plot that wasn't about Jennifer's Body in 5ever ! Also a transphobic radfem reblogged my last fic... terrifying. I would rather not interact with TERFs ever <3

Word Count: 1,252

On TLOU2 and Palestine

Resources

You need air- or at least, that’s what you told Abby before you rushed out onto the back patio, away from all the warm bodies, glitter, and the sounds of the world ending. It’s overwhelming being surrounded by celebrities now after all the years of shitty apartments and college parties. Now, they’re supposed to be your peers… or something like that.

You probably weren’t supposed to be here, on the guest list for one of the biggest parties of the year at Ellie’s absurd mansion- all dressed up to celebrate her. You definitely weren’t supposed to be outside, on her back patio in the cold New York air, watching her strum her guitar to herself.

You know you’re intruding, but you just can’t turn around. Not when Ellie looks so… like that with her signature guitar in her lap and her hair messily piled up on her head. She’s under-dressed in her blue jeans and wife beater. The only sign that she isn’t in the same tax bracket as you is the bright red racer jacket covering her arms. You’d seen that jacket a million times in photos. On-stage, in paparazzi photos, in music videos.

You hadn’t expected her here, outside all alone. Not when all the people worth name-dropping were inside, celebrating the release of her newest album. It seemed she was already working on the next thing. You hadn’t expected to get to speak to her either. She’d been famous since you’d been in high school- you still had her old country songs from long before she was a rockstar saved to your phone.

She must know you’re here- you didn’t make much effort to hide your arrival- but she stays focused. Her eyes are trained on her hand at the neck of the guitar, and she’s got that wrinkle between her brows like she’s doing surgery. The longer you wait, the more awkward you feel.

“Now, what would your daddy say if he saw you right now?” You manage a bit of confidence as you take a few steps toward where she’s seated, legs crossed on the concrete. It feels like a safe enough topic; something you could talk about for a while.

She chuckles, already back to being the impossibly charming star she was back inside. She flirts the same way that she breathes- instinctually, “What if I told you that he taught me everything I know?”

The answer? You wouldn’t be surprised. You’d grown up listening to Joel’s music with your parents, and you could hear bits and pieces of him all over her music. There were touches of him in your own work too. You still idolized him- had nearly choked on your drink when you saw him inside.

“About guitar,” you murmur, already melting into her, “or women?”

“Both, but there was only so much he could tell me about guitar,” she jokes. She finally looks up from her guitar, green eyes intense as she watches you squirm in front of her, “Did he see me leave?”

You shrug in response, your arms wrapped around you as you realize how cold it is. You can feel the goosebumps along your arms, and you’re starting to really regret your outfit choice, “I couldn’t say. He looked pretty relaxed the last time I saw him.”

She starts strumming again, something familiar- you recognize it from one of her first albums. It felt like those albums were a lifetime ago, but you remember listening to her debut when you were still in high school. She was only a couple of years older than you, but it seemed she was speaking right to you. You’d recognize those first tracks any day. Her strumming stopped again when you shivered and breathed into the cold air.

“Take my jacket,” she placed her guitar aside gently and began to remove the expensive leather for you, “Joel’d be pissed if I let you freeze out here, sugar.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t,” you protest, finally sitting next to her but certainly keeping your distance. You weren’t here to get starstruck and fall hopelessly in love with your seventeen-year-old self’s crush. You were supposed to be getting fresh air. You’d already promised Abby that you wouldn’t get into trouble tonight.

“You could,” she shoved the jacket toward you, “And you should.”

You push her hand back toward her, “Ellie, I know better.”

The smirk on her face doesn’t let up as she drawls, “You’re really hurting my ego here.”

“One second I’m in your jacket, the next I’m in your bed. I know how you are.”

“I’ve heard similar stories about you,” Ellie placed her jacket in front of you and crossed her arms, celebrating her minor victory as you picked it up and used it to cover your legs, “You don’t have to hop in my bed for it, I promise. I’m still a gentleman. Just don’t tell your girlfriend.”

“I’m sure she won’t mind. She’s a big fan,” You wink. ‘Fan’ might be a strong word here, but so was ‘girlfriend.’ What you and Abby had was something in between that. You looked good together, and you had fun. You tried not to think too much about Ellie knowing anything about your love life.

She reached for her guitar again with a laugh, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

You watched as she stood to leave, seemingly pleased with that being the end of your interaction. You stood awkwardly and called her name, folding her jacket over your arm. She only turned back around to you when she reached the door back into her house, “Your jacket?”

And god, you want to push her for how cocky she looks as she turns on her heel to grin at you, “Don’t worry, I’ll take it back once I’ve seen you in it.”

The moment she’s inside, the whole interaction feels fake. The only evidence you have of the moment is the red leather covering your arm, and you feel like a ridiculous teenager as you bring it to your nose to take in her scent. It smells earthy and expensive and now you’re certain you were smart not to put it on. If you had kept bantering with her, surrounded by her scent like this, you would be in trouble.

You stay outside, thinking about the feeling of being with Ellie for a little longer before heading back in to find Abby. She lights up when she sees you, her large arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you in like you really do belong to her. She’s warm against you, and when she gives you your personal space back, she has confusion contorting her face as she stares at the leather folded over your arm, “That’s new.”

“Yeah,” you attempt to shrug off the edge in her voice, “I ran into Ellie Williams outside and it was cold so she-”

“She left her own party to sit outside and wait for a pretty girl to need a jacket?” She murmurs into your ear, pulling you back into her. You can already tell she’s preparing to make this a thing.

You frown up at her, “She was working on a song or something. I interrupted her and she was really nice about it.”

“I’m sure she was.”

“Oh, stop it,” you hook your free arm around her neck, “She knew I came with you.”

That makes the corners of her mouth perk up. She presses a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth before responding, “Good.”

Housekeeping: Dividers again by @saradika ; pinterest board that got me here ; As always, I'm a black femme lesbian and that's my truth

[emilystheories]

Breaking SJM news: a completely new series is (likely) on the way !!

Last night, I came across a veryyyy interesting YouTube video posted by Bloomsbury 4 weeks ago. Although the video was mostly super boring (talking numbers and finances), towards the end, we get this little nugget of information...

[Bloomsbury staff member]: "Regarding the timeline and future Sarah J Maas book releases, which are obviously very important to us... so her next title, which is the third in her Crescent City series, comes out on the 30th of January, 2024. So, that will fall into this financial year."

[Bloomsbury staff member]: "And thereafter, we have SIX further contracted titles -- so continuing this series, and STARTING A NEW SERIES AS WELL."

A new series! This likely goes hand-in-hand with the announcement made by Bloomsbury a couple of months prior, in which they stated that 4 additional SJM books were on the way (but curiously, no further details about these books were given...)

Although we don't know for sure, this is my guess as to what these 6 future SJM books are:

2 x ACOTAR books.

Then the 4 remaining, newly contracted books; the first being the final Crescent City book, House of Many Waters.

Leaving 3 x books for the new series (which makes perfect sense, as when starting a new series, SJM is always contracted for 3 books initially).

The question remains as to what exactly this new series may be. Which leads me to... Twilight of the Gods.

[SJM universe spoilers ahead!]

Back in 2015, SJM started a Pinterest board for 2 new book series that were connected in some way; one was Crescent City, and the other was called Twilight of the Gods. 

On her Twitter, SJM also mentioned that she had been working on both for quite a while, and that it was soon time to release them into the world.

Around the same time, a series called 'Twilight of the Gods' was mysteriously added to SJM's official Goodreads catalogue.

'Twilight of the Gods' is another term for Ragnarok; a famed tale of Norse mythology where the Gods and giants/demons across all worlds joined together to fight a giant battle that signified the end of the world.

Thus, I believe that 'Twilight of the Gods' is SJM's next series; it will be a Ragnarok retelling, and all of the characters from TOG, ACOTAR and CC will join together for a cataclysmic battle against the Asteri, the Daglan, and the Valg (because lets not forget that Orcus and Mantyx are still unaccounted for...).

With this in mind, consider the numerous references to Norse mythology that SJM has already scattered throughout her books:

Feyre as Freya: Freya was perhaps one of the most renowned Norse goddesses, and was Queen.

Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn as the Valkyries: An obvious one, but the Valkyries originated from, and had a huge part to play in Norse Mythology (Ragnarok especially).

Lucien as Loki: According to Norse mythology, Loki is often depicted with long, red hair. He is also seen as a God of fire, and is commonly associated with foxes.

Danika (Fendyr) and Fenrys as Fenrir: Fenrir was a renowned monstrous wolf of Norse mythology. Fenrir being 'unleashed' is one of the key events of Ragnarok.

Hunt as Thor ('Thurr'): During Ragnarok, Thor has a famous battle against the 'Midgard Serpent.' Consider the snake that Hunt is holding on the cover of HOSAB. 

Midgard: is the 'Earth' world in Norse mythology.

Hel (spelt the same way): Is the 'underworld' of Norse mythology.

Further, if you looked at SJM's "Twilight of the Gods" Pinterest board - before it was deleted - you'd see countless images of (Lady?) Thor, the Valkyries, Sailor Moon, and even the coffin that Maeve locked Aelin in... (that can't be a coincidence, right..?!) Some examples below:

'Twilight' is also another word for 'Dusk'; considering the lost Dusk Court, and 'Dusk's Truth' (both of which are the centre of the upcoming crossover and broader multiversal narrative...) it matches up perfectly.

Thus, I believe that the remaining ACOTAR and CC books will continue to add to the multiverse, bit by bit. And whilst they can still be read in a standalone fashion, my guess is that they will build up to a grand finale (perhaps the very last ACOTAR book will end with Aelin walking through a portal...?) and then Twilight of the Gods will begin.

If you thought Kingdom of Ash was epic... then Twilight of the Gods -- if correct -- is bound to blow us away (and, it might even put SJM's name in the history books).