#i also don’t really have that many compulsions

[fingertipsmp3]

About to bawl my fucking eyes out over this OCD blog I just found

[peapod20001]

I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3

[dirtbra1n]

nice

[saturnianautist]

Planets in the 8th house

Disclaimer: I am not a professional astrologer these are just my opinions based on my years of experience and research so take with a grain of salt. Also, any mention of some illness or mental illness that could possibly (emphasis on possibly) present in some individuals is one of many ways a placement could manifest but I am not a doctor and astrology should never be a replacement for the real thing. please keep this in mind and take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

Note: the 8th house deals with themes of death, loss, sex, other peoples money, inheritance, unspoken/hidden things/secrets, irrational fears, the past, obsessions/compulsions and addictions. This house can be intimidating because of the chaotic sides that it can bring, but really this house is like a mirror that shows you places where you can leave certain things behind and transform for the better if you let it. The 7th is about our relationships based on fairness and an equal standing whereas the 8th is where we can either fall or thrive from the opposite. Often with the 8th house we get shown situations where our desire, anger, greed, and insecurities come out, only if we’re not managing. It shows where we can over indulge and also owe things. On the flip side it can also be a house where we have big gains, lots of spiritual and creative gifts and are also owed things. These are my take on the energy of this house in combination with each of the planets and how that could possibly manifest in life. One more note for you all, as you’re reading this please take it with a grain of salt 8th house is not as scary as it seems and some of the things I say are in the most unfortunate and extreme manifestations possible and will probably only be some people so don’t shy away from this energy because when you know how to use it can be so focused and powerful.

Sun:

This person is most likely very familiar with significant loss of something or someone in their lifetime, especially early on or even multiple times throughout their life. The individual likely goes through transformations of their character frequently and throughout their whole lives. As soon as one ends one begins. This can feel tiring if they’re resistant to the changes, but if they embrace them they have the ability to learn many valuable lessons that help them get closer to achieving the life they want, and who they want to be. They might take an interest in, have an early memory of, or know someone close to them who has experienced being in a place that deals with darker themes like a cemetery, hospital, mental hospital, prison etc.. real life detectives who can find out anything and anything on anyone, they are great information gatherers but if not mindful this can be used poorly or for the wrong reasons. Someone prone to being easily addicted to things or obsessive/controlling over something or even someone (including themselves). Can be prone to reckless behavior or self destructive behavior. on a positive note they can very focused and achieve so much when they set their mind to something (sign will tell you more with what). Might be interested or good at careers dealing with things that involve the psyche, life and death situations, spiritual matters, intimacy, investigation, money etc.. For this placement a focus on moderation is so important in order to lead a balanced life free of addictions and free of trying to control to many things. This being a spiritual placement, looking for signs or listening to places your ancestors or passed loved ones try to send you messages to can be of benefit. Also, taking your time to get to know someone in any kind of relationship before getting attached or committed can bring you a lot of peace. Being mindful and thinking of moderation in any decision in general will be helpful to a healthy life.

Moon:

These are people who have very Intense emotions. They can be deeply empathetic and sensitive, and might even struggle to regulate their emotions in a healthy way. These people might not have gotten their needs met as a child, with an emphasis on a lack of emotional stability. Growing up, they might have often heard that they were too much or that they were dramatic when expressing themselves. This could have really impacted them in a way where they might now present as very secretive people, especially with emotions and thoughts out of fear that they will be “too much to handle” to others. They might really struggle to truly open up in their relationships with others and others could find them hard to read because of this. This placement could have a theme in their life on uncovering truths about their family or about the mother or mother figure, somewhere there is a clear theme of hidden things in the family. Something about the relationship with mom is complicated and intense here. An obsessive or intense mother, A mother with illness or mental health issues or even passing away in youth. You or your mom having a difficult pregnancy, or child born with mental health issues or mental disabilities, you or your mom having a child against some kind of odds. A child that challenges you in some way in which it forces you to heal or come to term with certain traumas. An individual deeply interested in spirituality and darker sides to life. Knowing things are going to happen before they do (good intuition), If you have periods it might be a painful or intense period as the moon deals with women’s cycles and 8th house can be destructive and intense. If they are not careful they might turn to substance abuse to cope emotionally as the 8th house can turn obsessive or overindulgent at times so moon in 8th really needs a good healthy emotional outlet in order to cope in the world, spiritual practices can help them regulate their emotions even, they also need to establish a really good support system of solid people in their lives who are supportive of them and in which are they can open up to comfortably. Tending to the home, themes of the home life, self discovery and finding out the truths you need, to reach some conclusions that give clarity about your childhood and family, will really help these people find more tranquility and calm in their lives.

Mercury:

These people are extremely intelligent and easily pick up hidden or unsaid things from conversations (ie they will know when you’re lying to them it’s not wise to try to). They have probably heard even since they were young that they were so smart for their age. They might be gifted in any kind of writing or using their words in some way, things that use transportation, and things that use their hands (for example jewelry making, playing an instrument or drawing, singing, computer programmer etc..). Because Mercury also rules over mental ability and learning skills, even if they don’t have a natural ability for something they can still do anything of their choosing. What they do have is the natural ability to learn new information and apply it, meaning they can master anything just based on their talent of that. They are prone to overthinking and getting obsessive in their own thought patterns which can turn toxic. They can also be obsessive about their work. They can easily get addicted to work and become workaholics which can have a strain on the other areas of their life, especially because they tend to be perfectionists and analyze until something’s just right. Mercury rules a lot of our mental areas and how they function, and the 8th house can get destructive at times, so this placement is prone to having mental illness, especially anxiety or even social anxiety. This could manifest and look different for different people, but often times they are more susceptible to this. At best, this person is just a little chaotic in their personality and it’s one of their many charms. Sometimes people won’t understand this but some will learn to love them more for it. This person is a really my way is the right way and don’t tell me different please. As someone with this placement there’s usually a reason we do things a certain way and it works best for us so it’s best to just go with it. It’s important for these individuals to maintain a good way of speaking to themselves to avoid falling into negative thought patterns. Things like affirmations, talk therapy or journaling etc.. could help them, also having good people around them. Being mindful about work life balance here is also essential to do well in their environment. Additionally, having a good outlet for anxiety will help them cope in a healthy way. Things like regular exercise, eating well, prioritizing good sleep, having a hobby you enjoy that grounds or relaxes, meditation. Eliminating things that escalate cortisol levels like coffee or atleast limiting your consumption, overindulging in junk food or alcohol, unnecessary stress etc.. will also help ease anxiety.

Venus:

If you’re not mindful in dating this placement can tend to have intense love lives and fall into cycles where they feel trapped (8th house can get very attached) this can look like manipulation into staying in a relationship, staying with someone who isn’t good to you or is destructive to the relationship in some way. Alternatively, the relationship is still intense but more expressed as deep love or passion. The individual could be with someone very loyal, committed, and someone that would do anything for them or make sacrifices, also someone who would bring positive transformations to their life. This also notes being in a relationship where there is very good intimacy and deep connection both physically and spiritually, basically just very very connected to eachother where you help eachother with stuff like trauma, trust, fears and money even. People might really want to spoil you with this placement (8th house other people money and Venus attraction), this could also play out in a romantic relationship where you attract people that want to provide for you. Venus dealing with romantic relationships and 8th house dealing with money especially other people’s money it would be wise to get secure or have your financial things in order before getting legally involved like marriage for example. If you separate with this person or have any legal mishaps this placement could point to either owing money or receiving money depending on if it’s aspected well or in an easy sign. This placement can also indicate marrying or being in a relationship with someone who was born into poverty or alternatively inheritance depending on the aspects. This placement can manifest in a lot of different ways but whatever it is usually shows a relationship where you and them are overcoming obstacles together and transforming together. Be careful with greediness and selfishness especially financially here or of other people with those traits. The more you do that the more likely you are to have to pay off debts. A main lesson here will be learning how to have a handle on your desires specifically material and to have self restraint or discipline in that area.

Mars:

In the worst manifestation (so this won’t be everyone and this is just a possibility not a given) this can point to the body or mind attacking itself in some way whether with sickness or even self harm and or a habit self destructing mentally. Alternatively this could also look like making really impulsive decision making which puts you in harms way (mars likes to move fast and can lack patience in its unfortunate expression). At its best this placement has an immense amount of drive and passion in the things they do as if it never runs out. They are great at reaching the goals they set for themselves. They are probably good at facing conflict headfirst and dealing with it quickly. When something comes up that does not serve them they are quick to nip it in the bud. In the fortunate expression this person takes really good care of their body and might have transformations physically. This could look like a significant weight loss or gain or building muscles or maybe even nursing their body back to health from sickness and looking bright and lively again. Most likely they have overcome something physically and have this discipline towards their body. They might be the type of person to have a health regimen they do daily. It’s important for this placement to find a way to healthily use their physical energy because they usually have needs here which can lead to overindulgence if using the energy improperly. Having a workout routine or a way to let off stress in a healthy way physically will be very helpful for them. This could also look like another outlet as long as they have some sort of thing they are passionate about to direct their energy to it will be useful for them since this placement has a great deal of energy. Whatever it is it could be almost anything but mars energy needs a goal and they need to be the one leading things and self motivating otherwise this individual can end up feeling very lost or fearful from lack of direction.

Jupiter:

Jupiter can be very overconfident at times. With that being said, its energy mixing with 8th house themes especially with getting addicted to things or attached, this can present in a lot of different ways besides just substance abuse. Finances especially other peoples finances, and Jupiter’s tendency to make things it touches bigger or expanded, as well Jupiter ruling over fortune and luck (when expressed improperly this can be unfortunate or unlucky) this individual could be prone to a gambling problem (8th house money we owe) at its worst expression. In its best, this could look like making profits in something especially through relationships and networking with other people. This could also be someone that has knowledge of how to handle their money wisely. This would be a good person to start their own business, very entrepreneurial energy with the risk factor but then it coming back ten fold with Jupiter’s blessings. This person is very lucky when it comes to business deals and investments when the energy is used productively. This individual might experience a streak of luck, fortune, or large sum/financial gain in their life, sometimes after a point of loss or tragedy. This individual might be very interested in religion, spirituality or higher education and knowledge of healing so if they don’t believe in religion maybe they still believe in god or something else or maybe they just like to study things in that field. This can also present as having knowledge for a career in being healing to others like a doctor, therapist or maybe someone who helps rehabilitate people physically or from addictions. Its important for this person to find a productive way to use their efforts and talents because they can be prone to doing to much or being extra in ways that causes trouble for them. Finding something that lets them express these talents and knowledge healthily can let them access their blessings fully and accomplish a lot.

Saturn:

Could point to a complicated relationship with the father, father figure or older male figures in the family. They could be absent in someway by choice or not where you have to grieve their presence in some way. This could also manifest as a father figure that’s emotionally unwell or has really intense emotions and controlling behaviors. This individual might need to be very careful of avoidant behaviors when it comes to their feelings and traumas because they can turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms or addictions when they don’t want feel or experience a certain emotion or memory. In a more fortunate manifestation these individuals could have really great discipline. Especially because with Saturn placements the individual can tend to be put through lots of trials and tribulations for the lessons the universe wants to give them. When they do something that isn’t good for them it comes back to them a lot quicker and they are aware of this, so once they learn to master discipline they learn to put a lot of focus towards the care of their body, their health, and especially their goals. They can be very hardworking, just be careful that you don’t use work as an another vice to escape hard situations or feelings. Now there is more that could go wrong with what you do but if you are on the right path doing what you need for yourself there is more benefits like tenfold that come back to you. Growing up Saturn can have a theme of having a lack of in terms of stability so it’s common here that if you’re doing what you need to do and you have achieved that discipline then these individuals can lead very stable lives full of abundance especially financially. Here again, the most important thing is taking your lessons and learning them hopefully the first time (because Saturn will show you something you don’t want), taking care of your health both mentally and physically, taking care of your responsibilities, and being disciplined where you need to be this individual will be granted abundance maybe even through marriage since this is the 8th house of shared money or inheritance.

Uranus:

So because Uranus rules over rapid changes as well as things that are unpredictable, and the 8th house rules over destruction and rebirth/transformational energy, this can create a lot of unpredictable events growing up. Now depending on other placements this could manifest in a number of different ways but this could point to possible unexpected injuries to yourself or others that are on accident, things that cause you to uproot your life like your house getting hit by a tornado or something and having to move etc.. now these are extreme examples and just a possible manifestation it doesn’t have to be that extreme. This could also manifest as finding out unexpected secrets or things that were hidden from you either in your family or friend circle (8th house rules over secrets). Because 8th house placements usually deal with loss or passing of their loved ones in some way, with Uranus being here this could mean a bizarre or weird circumstances to how it happened. Now in a fortunate expression this could also look like a positive rare outcome. These individuals could have near death experiences but they always make it through alive somehow, like a cancer patient who is cured gets it again and beats it again. Because 8th house rules finances, especially other people’s finances, this individual could also do something like accidentally win the lottery or something, or receiving money from the government or more easily receiving money on the internet like if you had a YouTube channel. Uranus is a rebel it is a disturber so this can point in terms of mental health to an anxiety based mental illness or something that targets your nervous system. Especially because this individual might have had these crazy unexpected life experiences at one point it’s also a basis for rare traumas that can be underlying cause for their anxiety or paranoia that something bad will happen (like schizophrenia for example). In a positive manifestation this individual is really gifted in technology, science, coming up with a vision or new ideas that have never been thought of before, creative energy. They have the ability to really master one of these lanes and take a new approach to them in a way that feels fresh and exciting to people, they can have many good collaborations with people as well in their passion. Another thing about Uranus, they don’t give f****. If something isn’t working for you or you want to change your life up for the good this placement really gives you free range to easily achieve it and let go and start anew. I will say though that one thing this placement should be careful of is making sure you have good people around you that you can trust because just as this energy can be collaborative and point to community you need the right people, in a less fortunate circumstance this can point to betrayal or friends that bring you into unexpected unfortunate situations.

Neptune:

Y’all can be very foggy headed and delulu. Neptunes specialty is making things confusing so sometimes you need to be able to take off the rose colored glasses and see clearly. Neptune can make it so that it’s very hard to differentiate between fantasy and reality so when that meets the 8th house it can have an tendency to make it so the individual has struggles being honest with themselves. Sometimes this can point to lying to others, not necessarily intentionally but just because you aren’t being honest to yourself. But more likely it can point to not being honest about what’s not good for you in your life. This can be an addiction or unhealthy outlet, it could be a person that maybe isn’t treating you right but you have a certain version of them in your head that you’re stuck to. This could also just be unhealthy habits you have in general. More specifically these individuals can struggle with a lot of escapist tendencies which can sometimes manifest as drug use and sometimes more heavy drug use in attempt to either not feel or feel something good (like Saturn the escapism is present but Saturn is much more aware of it whereas Neptune is in a fantasy in their head). Neptune rules over subtle things or invisibility so this can be either drugs or other things that make you feel either numb or just overly calm. Neptune can be very uncomfortable in the 8th house at times as Neptune is very spiritual and while the 8th house is also spiritual it’s still very involved with the material world. Neptune doesn’t wanna have a worry and the 8th house just keeps putting reality in their face. Finding their personal spiritual path is a big theme here as again Neptune is very spiritual and the 8th house brings a lot of transformational energy here. Especially because this can point to religious trauma sometimes in more extreme cases so usually there is some type of transformation with that. Being that Neptune also rules over dreams, their dreams can be symbolically important for showing them things regarding spiritual themes so pay attention to your dreams. Especially if it’s from a passed loved one (8th house ruling over death and loss) it could be part of your spirituality that you get sent message from them through your dreams. This person should watch out for the beginning thing I said but also they should watch out for being not only major people pleasers in their relationships but also major enablers to toxic or unhealthy behaviors. Also be careful of overspending or having unhealthy money habits without realizing it or trusting others to handle your money bc they might have alternative intentions you’re not able to see.

Pluto:

Pluto is very methodical here since both the 8th house and Pluto rule over secrecy. This individual probably takes a very quiet and private approach to things in their life and you won’t know until they actually do the thing. This can also be a result of the traumas and things they’ve went through in life. They are very resilient but they could have dealt with a lot of betrayal growing up so they know people like the back of their hand most of the time. Sometimes they can be a bit paranoid because of this though and they can have lots of trust issues towards others. Now they go about things privately because they know how people can switch up easily and don’t want their plans to be ruined again. Because Pluto rules over crime and also authority they might have had a lot of issues with authority growing up family and even possibly with the law. Both of these areas rule over destruction so it’s possible that they had self destructive behaviors and getting into bad situations or illegal situations as a way of acting out from things they’ve been through or just because they might not have had anyone to teach them how to use the toolbox they were given. This individual can be very gifted and very smart and meticulous in what they do. They can be interested in darker jobs or jobs in which what you do is very powerful or transformative/healing (like being a doctor). They have trouble being under authority because they are meant to be their own bosses and hold their own power in their hands. Pluto is very influential and you might have a reputation for disrupting societal normalities in good or bad ways it depends. Be careful with this energy though because it can be easily abused and you need to be careful to use it productively. If you use it unproductively you can come off as controlling and overbearing but if used right you can hold a high regard and be well respected in what you do. This placement can attract a lot of jealousy from others because they are envious of how powerful you can be or are intimidated by you so it’s important to have confidence and good self esteem. A key part of your journey will be healing. Self healing and discovery will be a big theme here. Learning to heal your traumas and trust issues in relationships will be good for creating the life you want and bringing you peace, as well as learning to accept your flaws and yourself. Strong self love is important here.

[neo-nomatrix]

Drunk words are sober thoughts

Hobie Brown x reader

Part three of the My Nuisance mini series. Find the other parts here

word count: 959

Synopsis: Hobie forgets everything he told you last night. Thank you @good-so for the inspo!!

When you woke up Hobie was gone. You were surprised you didn’t hear his obnoxious boot buckles clicking when he left. In fact you were surprised he left at all. He basically confessed his love and the fact he was Spiderman to you last night.

You needed time to process everything, make sure none of it was a fever dream. As soon as you woke up (and gathered your thoughts) you trudged over to Hobies flat. You knocked on the door similar to how Hobie always did, part of you was angry that he had left you but you would rather die than let him know he got to you.

“Hobie? You in there?!” You yell pressing your ear against the door.

As you lean into the door it opens up, he had left the door unlocked and didn’t even fully close it. You stepped into the rather dark flat and admired the decorations. He had a way of making everything look like a punk rock magazine, despite the chaos it was cleaner than you had anticipated. You searched throughout the flat trying to find him but it was clear he wasn’t there.

Eventually you came across a small box decorated with photos of the London bridge and bright colors. You didn’t mean to snoop around, really, but you just couldn’t help yourself. Inside were five things: three letters, a ring, and a necklace. You had recognized the ring and necklace, they were yours. You had lost both of them by mistake about a week ago but assumed they were long gone. As you thought about it more you realized something like that happened often, you would lose something of yours and a week later they would up outside of your door with a note attached to it.

Usually saying “You’re quite clumsy, love - Hobie”

It hadn’t occurred to you why he had found so many of your things until now.

You looked at one of the letters, and sure enough it said “You just keep losing stuff don’t you? Good thing i’m here to save the day -Hobie” You smile to yourself thinking about the fact that he would probably give you this tomorrow.

The second letter was from you. The first time you had ever told him to turn down his music. As you read it you realized how much you had changed from the first time you met him. You were so polite in the letter, the fact you had taped a letter to his door instead of screaming at him was polite in itself. After that first letter you don’t think you have ever said “please” and “thank you.” From then on it was mostly you stomping over to his flat and yelling while he stood there amused.

The last letter was addressed to you. And it was double sided, either this boy has a lot of baggage or he was really in love with you. You felt awful reading it though. You started at the first words for a while “For my Love,” until the lights switched on.

“You’re breaking into my house now? That’s cheeky init?” He smirked. God he is so stupid, and what British person actually says init?

“The door was open. I was… just checking to see no one like a robber had broken in,” you replied.

“Right, and you also wanted to make sure that box wasn’t broken into?” he replied.

You immediately set it down.

“I haven’t read any of it, promise,” you smiled

“Yet, you haven't read any of it yet,” he finished for you.

“So, about last night?” you bring up. Hoping he’ll want to talk about it.

“Right… uhm, i don’t really remember any of it? So whatever i said don’t pay any attention. I’m a compulsive liar when I get wasted,” he shrugs.

Oh. He didn’t remember anything he said. And he’s also a dunk liar. Cute. You were still slightly convinced he’s spiderman, though. He showed you the suit and the mask, which weren’t exactly replicas to your knowledge. And trust, you knew your spiderman suit replicas. But the other stuff?

The stuff about you hurting his feelings and him being in love with you? Yeah, you were almost one hundred percent sure those were lies. You don’t know why you were convinced with one but not the other. You just did.

“Yeah, of course,” you looked sad.

“But I should get going,” you said after a moment of silence.

“Right, we’ll uhm, see you,” he said.

You nodded before looking down at the ground, walking off without being able to look into his eyes.

You shut the door to your flat faster than you ever have before.

“Oh my lord,” you whispered to yourself.

Gods, if that wasn’t the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you. You didn’t even know what you were thinking, you had to be mental, right? Going into Hobies flat while he wasn’t around? And he caught you? You could never show your face again.

While you’re in your flat panicking your mind out, Hobie is filled with anxiety. He’s racking his brain trying to remember what happened last night and why he woke up in your bed. Did he say something horrible? Did he confess his deepest secrets to you? The answer was yes, but he didn’t know that yet. He only left early because Miguel had pinged his watch with some stupid mission.

“The fate of the multiverse is at stake,” or something like that.

He knew he had to talk to you again. Picking up the box he pulled out the ring. Admiring the way it glimmered in the fluorescent lights.

Throwing away the note that came with it, he knew exactly how to start a conversation.

Taglist!! @clown420cunt @good-so @anonima-2 @gh0stsp1d3r @miracleboylene @natthernandez @frenchbaddie @loislucky @juo6uvr @gaychaosgremlin @skiedrr @the-golden-goldie @hellok1ttycake @theleftkittycollection @xbl00dy-r0s3x @diamondroxypie

[seventhemaverick]

Astro Observations 🌱

Disclaimer: This is my first Astrology post! I tried to do this earlier this year but tumblr lagged and it deleted all of my hard work lol. But now I’ve gained the courage to give it another go! I’m not a professional astrologer. I just study it in depth when I have time. Still very much a beginner. Please be kind and if I’m misinformed let me know! If you want to repost my work please credit me. This also has personal opinions in here don’t take it too seriously babes!

🌾 I don’t typically think Leo’s and Scorpios go together romantically BUT any other relationship outside of that exudes power team. For ex: Kylie and Kris Jenner. Scorpios are known to love power and Leo’s love the spotlight! Kylie was bound to be a favorite after her « ugly duckling » phase. Kylie rolls in the dough and Kris keeps that empire going. I’ve seen many Scorpio parents with Leo kids and they really seem to love them the most lol

Let’s talk about underdeveloped placements real quick!

🌿 Having a parent that is toxic or underdeveloped and has placements that fall into your second house can obliterate your self worth. ESPECIALLY if you have planets in that house and their placements are exactly conjunct 0° or 1-3°.

🌾 If your mars sign is exactly square one of your parents mars or 1-5° orb… 🌚 take the steps to move out if you haven’t already it’s for the best.

🌿 Capricorn moons I wish I could hug all of you. You had to grow up so fast and got handed some of the worst cards. But nevertheless resilience is your middle name. As you age things will get easier if you stand on business! Integrity is key.

🌾 I know libras are known to be superficial or whatever and I’m kinda one of them lol. I literally live off of aesthetics and I typically have nice skin but when I have a massive break out? I literally want to hide until they’re gone. My stress is next level when I don’t look my best.. I’m also a Leo Venus 😅 in the tenth house at that and have cancelled plans when I look and feel shitty.

🌿 All of the air signs almost always value intellectual stimulation first from their partner. Someone they can have great rapport, banter with. Someone that’s witty and knows a wide variety of subjects or has many interests is very hot. Sagittarius is the air sign of the fire signs so I’ll loop them in on this too.

If we lost any zodiac element, it would bring chaos to the entire world.

🌾 Air brings logic and reasoning, water brings compassion and empathy, earth brings grounding and patience, fire brings passion and vitality. Life is about interconnectedness.

🌿 I remember reading a blog that the gods put the constellation of Libra in between Virgo and Scorpio because they were too much alike and it’s so true lol. Both signs can be so compulsive and it’s overwhelming from what I’ve heard from Virgo and Scorpio placements. I can also see this easy going equivalence being the case for Sagittarius being in between Scorpio and Capricorn. The benefics happy go luckies in between the malefics drained and over it.

🌾… moon 3rd house overlay is addictive especially combined with 7th/8th/12th overlays in that synastry. I don’t think I can ever do that again unless we both have it overlaying each others charts. Someone’s moon in your 3rd house, their mind fascinates you and it’s easy to communicate with them you feel seen and heard. You dream about them, you think about them all the freaking time. It is the most annoying thing because why are you taking up my brain space like that bro? I had this with someone and I still think about them it’s been over for quite some time now. Another person that’s in love with me, my moon falls into their 3rd house and they tell me how much they think about me and day dream about me. I had said issue of daydreaming with the other guy. 2/10 would not recommend unless moon person is developed.

🌿 When the moon transits your first house you’re more likely to be more emotional and make drastic changes to your physical features! When Doja Cat shaved her head the moon was transiting her first house and I literally did mine the next day when it was transiting my first house.

🌾 Opinion but I love Pisces placements they are so helpful and loving when developed. I think the underdeveloped ones are too but they expect something out of it where the developed ones are just really selfless. I’m a Pisces Stan! I have so many in my life lol I have no Pisces placements. My 5H is in Pisces lol

🌿 Degree theory is that gworl. It helps you relate to the planet and it’s placement more depending on what the degree rules. For example I was dating a Sagittarius Venus in the 9th house at the 9° and he embodied that free spirited nature of Sag Venus fr. Another example, you can be a Pisces Venus but it’s in your first house at the first degree and the way you love embodies a more aries way of loving. Fiery, passionate a bit aggressive but very deep and tender to the core.

🌾 I’ve also heard the theory of when you reach the age of certain degrees of the placements you have you unlock that placements characteristics. Something significant happens to you during that age or you might master that placement regarding the planet and house placement.

🌿 The degree of your rising sign is more than likely the age of something significant happen in your physical life/to you physically. This is tea y’all.

🌾 You most likely share placements or degrees in your chart with your siblings. My sister is a Scorpio sun, Aries rising, Virgo moon and I’m a Libra sun, Scorpio rising, Aries moon. If I was born two days earlier I would’ve been a Virgo sun and if she was born one or two days later she would’ve been a Libra moon. So I think thats pretty cool. We’re also both Venus dominant and she has a Libra stellium 💗. You really choose your family for your next life lol like that’s so crazy to me.

🌿 Ima say dis with my chest. STOP doing wrong by Saturn ruled placements!!! Saturn is ruled by Capricorn, Aquarius in traditional astrology and we cannot forget about its exalted sign in Libra. As a Libra, I receive karma with the quickness but also people that have done wrong by me their quality of life decreases and or whichever house Saturn is in their chart is deeply affected in the worst ways.. daddy Saturn don’t play bout his! Be fair and follow the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

🌾 Having heavy Sagittarius placements in your chart makes you open to learn different languages or different cultures.. just always wanting to learn. Whatever house it’s in you want to master in life.

🌿 The mutables Gemini Virgo Sagittarius Pisces love their niches, they are the teachers and preachers of the zodiac.

🌾 Geminis have the gift of gab more than any other zodiac. Sagittarius could possibly go toe to toe with them

🌿 If anyone ever tries to degrade you for studying astrology and eggs you on to prove this practice to be true, get their birth info and read them their Chiron sign and house placement. Hit ‘em where it hurts!

🌾 Scorpio and Libra placements are usually the generational trauma breakers of their family. Honorable mention- Saturns children, Capricorn and Aquarius

🌿 An undeveloped Capricorn placement that enters your life is literally satan reincarnated to torture you for whatever you did wrong in your past life. And I (if u were raised around Christianity) believe Jesus was a Pisces/Aries! I can argue about this all day! In tarot Capricorn rules the devil! Like hellooooo

🌾 Sixth house/Virgo placements are pretty good at taking care of pets and plants. They feel the most sane around nature and animals.

🌿 Personal planets harmoniously aspected to Neptune make the person seem very angelic like. Very soft souls, earth angels. Hard aspects have people having an even more distorted projection of you.

🌾 Personal planets harmoniously aspected or not to Uranus gives you that shock factor some people will be repelled and some people will be very intrigued.

🌿 Aries placements especially sun and moon are really loyal! I’m talking mostly platonically. Once they see you as their person they are truly ride or die.

🌾 Cancer placements can be one of the most loving and giving when developed. Some spiteful mfs when underdeveloped omg.

🌿 I realize cancer placement women get treated with the cutest romantic gestures. I think they lovers want to do these things for them because they give off ethereal or princess vibes but they’re also real nasty in the sheets lol

🌾 Cancers don’t really get a bad rep even when they do shady things. For example: Selena Gomez when she dated Abel even tho she was cool with Bella was super weird. And I think a lot of people forgot how Kevin hart cheated on his wife like it was nothing lol. Ariana grande with the donuts and now the Ethan thing chileee. It’s like they get a second of backlash and then everyone adores them again lol.

🌿 Having a grand trine in your chart can make you so damn lazy in the houses those planets/figures are in 🥹🥲. It’s crazy cuz that talent(s) will come natural to you and you’ll over look it! Please don’t.

🌾 Grand squares are TOUGH but it pushes you to break cycles and overcome so much in your life. Same with t-squares

🌱 Astrology is really a map. It shows you which path you can take and where you can end up when you include discernment and discipline into your daily life. It’s never an excuse to behave the way you do. Ultimately it helps us reach our most aligned and enlighten self! I hope you all enjoyed. 🌱

Idk why I can’t figure out how to delete this question thing so let’s do a cute lil questionnaire!

[bioethicists]

beer killed my father . he had a disease which destroyed his body and strained his relationships with his wife, his friends, and his children. Alcohol destroys everything it touches, theres a reason you see so many liquor stores in poor neighborhoods. don’t be fucking obtuse. Prohibition obviously doesn’t work, but I wish alcohol was taxed higher. And i want the CEO of Heineken on the guillotine right after Jeff Bezos.

before anything, i want to let you know that i am incredibly sorry about your father. alcohol has decimated entire generations of my family, played a crucial role in the neglectful family structure i spent the first 19 years of my life suffering under, + played a minor but not insignificant role in my brother's death. i would never undermine or dismiss that in anyone.

i used to feel very similarly to you, in large part because my mother is a recovering alcoholic who raised me to believe that alcohol is a magic poison which turns people into monsters + i, being her child, probably inherited a disease which would also turn me into a monster if i chose to drink. it's a deeply painful + understandable response to the pain that alcohol can cause.

my first question is, does alcohol really "destroy everything it touches"? are there not millions of people who engage with alcohol, in varying degrees of recreational use, who experience minimal or no negative impacts? or do you believe that everyone who drinks alcohol in any capacity is experiencing severe destruction in their lives as a result? does the existence of people for whom alcohol enriches their lives (or is a neutral presence) at all invalidate your experience, or your father's?

my second question is, you've identified that there are 'so many liquor stores in poor neighborhoods' (i would add there is a lot of alcohol in rich neighborhoods, just distributed in less stigmatized ways, like boutique wineries + fancy bars), do you think that companies are strategically attempting to create alcohol dependencies among poor people, or do you think that poverty creates the pain, hopelessness, + desperation which can fuel an alcohol habit (which is then exacerbated by intergenerational trauma + community alcohol culture).

i feel no allegiance to liquor companies- they absolutely do make the bulk of their profits off of people who are drinking in a way that is destroying their lives (unsure if i trust the exact scope of the research in that link but i trust the gist). however, liquor companies love the disease model, because it exempts them from responsibility. if alcoholism is truly a genetic disease, then liquor companies, bars, package stores hold no fault in the development of destructive drinking habits + community norms (natasha Schüll discusses this in her book about gambling addiction)- the people were already sick + would be getting it somewhere else, anyway, right? but as you have correctly identified, liquor companies help create the structures which turn alcohol use into an accessible + normalized mode of self-destruction.

my third question is, will taxing liquor help the real problem? yes, it reduces alcohol consumption, but does it reduce addiction? or does it make cheapskates like me say "i'm not fucking paying for that" while individuals who consume alcohol compulsively either eat the cost or turn to more illicit ways of obtaining alcohol. or, rephrased, is the problem that alcohol is too accessible? is alcohol a magical poison which turns 'normal' people into 'alcoholics'? alternatively, is alcoholism a genetic condition, unrelated to any outside circumstances, which is triggered by drinking?

or: is alcoholism one of many ways in which people who are experiencing hopelessness, pain, grief, poverty, trauma, etc use to numb themselves, harm themselves, + make life feel more bearable? at this point, i do believe there is at least a temperament factor which makes people more likely to use substances over other forms of escape (hence why my brother used substances while i turned to anorexia + do not struggle with substance use). are we actually addressing the problem if we make it more expensive (thus, mind you, further impoverishing people with alcohol addictions!)? or are we shifting the pain these people are experiencing to either other avenues (opioids, other drugs, totally different ways of coping which are often just as destructive) or an unregulated, underground alcohol market.

the way you are viewing alcohol, alcohol is a unique substance which is manufacturing or feeding illness in people in order to make them behave in ways which destroy their lives + the lives of others. the way i am viewing it, alcohol is a presence which can fill a void that is being created in people's lives as a response to structural, communal, or social suffering. when alcohol is painted as the cause of this pain, we are able to look the other way from a which world is structured to cause an immense amount of people to suffer needlessly. at the same time, the common sense observation that many of us engage with alcohol in ways which do not destroy our lives, as well as the knowledge that prohibition does not work, prevents the erasure of alcohol from public or private life.

who benefits from the belief that alcohol is a uniquely corrupting substance? what lessons did we actually learn from prohibition- is trying to do it to a lesser degree (make alcohol less accessible) actually going to do anything? when the price of opioids went up due to dea crackdowns, did people stop buying opioids or did the market flood with cheap + deadly fentanyl? is the problem that people are drinking or that they are suffering?

[vampiretendencies]

concept!! jj noticing you getting jealous over random girls talking to him and he reassures you and acts all lovey dovey 💭

noticeably, jj maybank is a sight for sore eyes. half the girls on kildare throw themselves at him, though he’s made it advantageously clear that he’s unavailable.

hell, the new intern at the local barber thought she had a chance merely because he left her a forsaken tip. since then she’s been giving him free haircuts in hopes that jj would at least acknowledge her existence.

naturally, jj doesn’t bat an eye at the poor girl. because his vision is set on his one and only.

his only message to those that made it their mission to wear at the seams of your relationship was, ‘look, i’ve finally fell in love and forgotten who you were.’

with that, you knew you truly didn’t have anything to worry about because the man is practically a lost dog on a leash, under your compulsion. that’s why you are nearly itching, trying to resist the temptation of jealously at its brink. it was supposed to be date night, with the location being the wreck for dinner, and as he’s at the bar trying to convince them he’s old enough for a glass of beer two girls swarm him like clockwork. it’s irritating the way one of their gently polished hands dust over his shoulder and the other is talking to him a little bit to close for your liking. chatting him up like he has no where to be.

it’s sickening that they’d take great lengths to earn nothing but an irresistible smile in the end. nothing more, nothing less.

“no luck on the beer baby, can you believe them— i mean i definitely look twenty one—“

“why were they talking to you?”

his pure features turn flat from that sudden interruption. even has his large hand letting go of your small one from across the table to adjust his hat as if he didn’t hear you correctly. you don’t mean for your face to turn downward, with an expression like you’d just smelled expired food— stomach churning and frown evident.

“them?!” he points their way, scoffing mixed with a chuckle in disbelief. the jealousy and envy are written on your forehead.

“yes them, who else?” you cross your arms, jj doesn’t appreciate the dismissal so he leaves from his side of the booth and squeezes into yours. a close as can be so you can’t avoid eye contact, whilst he’s trying to make things right.

“she’s heard that i work on cars here and there and asked if i could fix hers, her friend just happened to be there. nothing else, baby you know that.”

“has she also heard that you have girlfriend?

“mhm, she’s heard that m’fuckin crazy about my girl too.”

your irrationality is beneath you upon a grin trying to creep it’s way past, you really didn’t want to but it’s beckoned unfeasible around jj— he’s contagious.

“now go ahead bite my head off some more baby, i love it.”

he’d known true jealousy would be unavoidable, it took a lot for you to get here though— it’s always so painstakingly obvious how devout he is to you.

you shoved his chest a bit; playfully. whilst he pulled you into his lap with ease. peppering many kisses as he can between words. in public and all, whoever wants to stop and watch the show let them. up until your neck he feels the need to worsen the jealous trail by saying ‘get jealous more often, you looked so fucking hot pretty girl.’

[transmutationisms]

Hello so you said something about being pro-drug and I’m not 100% sure what you meant by it. I am absolutely for the decriminalization of all drugs ever. But like. Are you pro-using? Not that I’m anti users at all but i wouldn’t say I’m pro-using… just like based on my own experiences and my loved ones experiences and like what very hard drugs do to your body and mind and how they can like. Kill you. I 🩷 users and addicts and i don’t think criminalizing anything helps but… I’m prob misinterpreting your post so this may be a stupid question but I’ve seen all types of opinions on here so idk.

sarcastic answer, it's exactly this type of reaction that makes me think a truly pro-drugs stance is what communism needs today

less sarcastic answer, if drugs are the thing that makes someone's life tolerable and livable and even pleasurable then it would be uh, pretty fucking hypocritical of me to take issue with them using

even less sarcastic answer, you are overestimating the extent to which the danger of even "very hard drugs" (define that) comes from the drugs themselves rather than from the conditions of use: insecure supply driving desperation and making overdose more likely; black market making overdose more likely; intolerable conditions of living making using more necessary; &c. i can't speak to your life or loved ones but in my life i have observed and engaged in many different patterns of substance use, ranging from 'casually & occasionally using substances w high addiction potential' to 'intensely and compulsively using substances w much lower addiction potential' and everything in between. you are also jumping from "drugs" straight to "very hard drugs" (again, define that). drugs is an inclusive category: you need to be thinking here of substances ranging from heroin to caffeine to ibuprofen to xanax to ayahuasca to surgical anaesthetic cocktails.

really dead serious answer, yes, drugs can be dangerous. so can driving, working, and exercising. drugs can also be immensely beneficial, and that goes for drug use that's 'purely recreational' and pleasurable. as a matter of basic self-determination and autonomy, yes, i will defend people's right to get high for any reason they choose. as a matter of basic prison abolition politics i will defend that right twice over. i will also defend needle exchanges, social (not state) support systems, and the communist project of making the world a just and tolerable place to live in. but humans have enjoyed substance use for literally millennia, i personally enjoy substance use, and i don't think fearing it is politically useful or interpersonally helpful. at core, 'drug use' is simply the consumption of a substance that alters a person's psychological or physiological functioning in some way. it's not inherently 'good' or 'bad', morally or from a health perspective. what it is, though, is a common part of human existence, and not one i think can or should be eradicated.

[lilydalexf]

You are welcome for the lists! This one is fics recs for "Orison". They are all related to that episode, though they're not all angsty smut fics. So it's not quite the ask, but I hope you and others enjoy the stories! Another Dark Forest by @aloysiavirgata Post-Orison sex Anyone with a Gun by V. Salmone (Punk and Sab) Mulder, Scully, and a gun. Atomic Split by Pteropod The world is glued together by the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force, and gravity. Better Angels by wonderland (@amplifyme) “She’s okay, Maggie, I promise... No, no, just forget whatever you might hear. Don’t even watch the local news. She’s okay. She’s safe and resting. I got it.” Jesus, how many times had he had this conversation with her, or one very much like it? More than he’d ever wanted to. Black Hole Season by Penumbra (@mashnotesofthemythopoeic) Mulder muddles through the aftermath of Orison. Ceremony by @darwin-xf What’s left when words fail? Cold Comfort by Joann Humby When 3 men die, the killer seems to have a story to tell, but is it the same one that people are hearing? X-Files are dangerous, very dangerous if you're working alone. Exorcist Stairs by Elanor G Scully is adrift and on her own after the events of Orison. A chance encounter forces her to confront the banality of evil... fluorescence and night on all sides by audries (@audriesfic) He steps over a corpse to touch her. Ghast by @leiascully (No summary provided) Glub-Glub-Glub and Calming Spells by PostApocolypticAlien (@scullysexual) “you can stay here, tonight. for as long as you’d like.” / “Hey babe, babe, wake up.” The Devil's Instant by Maria Nicole Post-ep for Orison Incorruptible by Anjou A submission for an epistolary challenge on the Scullyfic/E-muse list in January of 2000. Set mid-season 7, immediately after the events of Orison, when Scully has been faced with an evil from her past. Mytharc heavy. i have your dreams and your teeth marks by audries (@audriesfic) Also in the trunk of the car: the latest edition of JAMA, The Amityville Horror on VHS from Blockbuster, Moby Dick, a Jewel CD, a bag of clementines. Her still-closed Bible. - post-orison. mulder takes scully on a witch hunt. there's nail polish involved. Imperfect Shadow by Nicknoc In a dark time, the eye begins to see, I meet my shadow in the deepening shade. Intuituve Reasoning, I Say Obsessive, You Say Compulsive, and I Can Eat Glass by Mish You can’t fool *all* of the people, *all* of the time. / Kosseff vs. Mulder - one analysis, seven minute time limit. / A late night distress call shatters the calm. The Nearness of You by a_steady_wish Her first night back in her own bed after the events of Orison, and Mulder is there to comfort and love her. Neptune's Ocean by M. Sebasky (No summary provided) Nothing Apart by Dyann Zimmerman What happened after the events in 'Orison'. Noyade by Rocketman Noyade--(french) whirlpool. Of Ladies Most Deject And Wretched by Circe Invidiosa and Helen Quilley (@invidiosa) It wasn't a question worth answering...post Orison. Orison by @scullywolf The aftermath of Pfaster's attack takes its toll in more ways than one. Possession by @mldrgrl Based on this prompt request: Mulder and Scully have both dealt with abductions and kidnappings where they were held against their will. I imagine that it took a while for them to feel comfortable with any type of bondage. I think it’d be interesting to explore how or when they became comfortable with that and if it felt really empowering the first time. I especially see Scully having reservations at first but maybe requesting it. the praxis of a water bed by skuls (@ghostbustermelanieking) Five of the first times Scully woke up in Mulder's bed. Right Here by @smalldisbeliever The soft thud of her duffle bag hitting the floor marks their arrival at her apartment. It’s been a little over a week since Donnie Pfaster tore through the space.

Sedimentation by Maria Nicole Musings on the edge of sleep Sins Remembered by rah What happens after they leave her apartment. soap bubble memories by @softnow five times mulder and scully showered together + one time they bathed. Some Nights by otto_tis_eratai Or "Six times Mulder and Scully slept together, and one time they did something more". A collection of seven one shots, all post/mid episode (although it can be also read as one story). Some fluff, some angst, some hurt/comfort elements, eventual smut, a lot of friendship. Submerged by hellsteeth (@wexleresque) Mulder helps Scully cope with her post-Orison anxiety Taller Than Other Waves by amyhit (mayhit) She read Salem’s Lot at ten years old, was brave enough to kiss her partner by thirty-five. That Was Then, This Is Now by @mldrgrl The difference between how Scully deals with the aftermath of Donnie Pfaster in Orison v. Irresistible.

Unintended Consequences by Sarah Segretti Just when you think you know how you’d react to a horrific event, life steps up to surprise you. Scully and Mulder deal with the aftermath of the Pfaster shooting. Untitled by @aloysiavirgata Prompt: alternate post-Orison where Scully doesn’t get to her gun and Mulder is the one that kills Pfaster. Untitled by @aloysiavirgata Prompt: Scully to Mulder: Make me feel alive again... Untitled by @o6666666 Prompt: can't wait to read their argument for anniversary date. who would win??? Walls by Ellie I can't hold out forever; even walls fall down. An Orison post-ep. The Weight of Water by @dashakay The aftereffects of trauma are sometimes unexpected.

[blegh-110]

Have I found you, flightless bird? (1/?)

Pairing: Soft!Dark!Tangerine x Fem!Reader

Summary: A compulsive psychopath takes an interest in you and will do anything to have you all to himself.

Chapter Warnings: Stalking, bullying, obsessive behavior, criminal activity, murder, violence, bad parents (let me know if I missed anything)

Word Count: 8.1k

A/N: Yeah so I thought I wasn’t going to be able to finish this until Wednesday, but I was surprisingly able to write. This is the very first time I am writing a fan fictions, so I’m begging on my knees for you to be nice and respectful. This first chapter is really going to be backstory and setting the scene. And please keep in mind Tangerine’s accent, it makes the reading fun. It’s also unedited. Happy reading! :)

There were no words to describe the ache and tiredness in your body as you slowly walked towards the train station. Your day at work was awful to say the least, with the amount of extremely rude customers and your masochist co-workers, you had broken down in the freezer of the fancy restaurant three times. Each silent cry had made you increasingly tired, both mind and body, so you wanted nothing more than to crawl into your bed and let it all out. 

Unfortunately, that would not happen for a while, as you lived a long distance away from your workplace. The reminder of this had almost made the tears in your eyes fall in frustration, but by some miracle, you took a deep breath and kept them at bay. 

You breathed a sigh of happiness as you spotted the Bullet Train and almost started crying again, but out of relief instead of tiredness. You were excited when the train was first built, it was marketed as the fastest train in the world, which meant you would get to your small apartment in about an hour instead of two. The train was also incredibly nicer than the one before it; the seats were more comfortable with the hard plastic traded in for fabric, there was a nice woman who served snacks and drinks every thirty minutes, it was cleaner, and just overall better. 

One perk about your job was that all workers received a Bullet Train card with unlimited rides, which you were thankful for. The regular cost of going back and forth between your work and home everyday was far too expensive. There was also a discount for the snacks and drinks the woman brings around, which you would often take advantage of to keep yourself awake for the ride home. 

You quickened your steps as you got closer to the train, wanting to sit down, eat a fish-shaped biscuit, and get out of the harsh, cold wind. Which reminded you of another thing; you needed to get another jacket, the one who had on was doing absolutely nothing to shield you from the weather. 

Although there were many negatives for you living on your own in Japan, the one positive was that you were away from your family, as harsh as that may sound. Your mother and father weren’t particularly happy to hear that you were studying abroad in Japan, then again, they were never happy nor satisfied with anything you did. No matter how hard you tried at anything, they never showed any interest or care, they were always too caught up in each other. 

They fought. A lot. And that messed you up badly. From the shouting and door slamming, to one of them being gone for days at a time because they couldn’t stand the other. It all took place at night, which made you nervous to fall asleep. You were awakened countless times in the middle of the night to your mother and father shouting at one another, it had made you anxious to fall asleep and frightened of loud noises. Then the morning would come, where they would act like nothing had happened and like they did not just traumatize their child. And it would start all over again the next week. 

The worst part was that you didn’t know how not normal all that was. After complaining to your mother that you don’t like them fighting and going away, she would respond with, “Couples fight, it’s normal.”

No comfort or solace to your distress and anxiety. And you went on with your day, shaken up from the events but it was ingrained into your head that there was nothing to be upset about because couples screaming and throwing things and leaving is normal. 

As you stepped onto the train, the warm air and clean smell made you feel better emotionally. Only an hour of waiting, and you would be in your apartment and mattress on the floor. You sat down and got comfortable, not noticing the blue eyes staring at the back of your head from the door. 

—

Two Months Prior

You sat motionless in your seat, getting lost in the blur of the world through the window. It was an easy way to turn off your brain for a small while and just stare at the many lights and people, it was nice. But you were pulled back to reality when you heard another voice with a thick accent. 

“Fuckin’ hell, stupid asshole. I can’t get a fuckin’ break with this prick, I swear.”

Your eyes widened at the man’s language as you heard his heavy footsteps come closer, only for him to stop abruptly when he noticed you.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I–” The man paused when he got a good look at you, and you didn’t notice it, but he was transfixed by you. And the feeling was mutual. You had never seen such a gorgeous and handsome man as the one standing in front of your seat. His frame was huge, covered by a pretty blue suit and eyes, his hair was medium length and slicked back. But what really got your attention, surprisingly, was his thick mustache. You were never really attracted to mustaches, much less the 90’s pornstache, but it was the cherry on top of all his good looks. While you were mesmerized by him, he had gotten a hold of his words and continued.

“I didn’t see there was a lady in here, my apologies for my language, love.” He said softly and walked away quickly, leaving you in a small daze. The combination of his looks and change from a harsh to a gentle tone gave you butterflies, the thought of someone changing their whole demeanor to make you comfortable was nice. 

And love. He had called you love. Love. Love. Love

Although the interaction lasted not even fifteen seconds, you were replaying it all in your head and analyzing every small detail, not wanting to forget the small amount of time that someone extremely attractive gave you the tiniest amount of attention, respectfully.

You had forgotten about him throughout the next few days as you had more important things to think about. The same could not be said for him. 

He had the tendency to be compulsive and take stuff, taking what he wanted as soon as he saw it without asking and no apologies. He liked the thrill of stealing, it gave him a sense of accomplishment for outsmarting the owner or the system, it was an addicting feeling for his ego. 

And other times, most times, it was for no reason and his body worked faster than his brain, going immediately for the item without thinking. Soon enough his brain turns on and he asks himself why he did it, which is then followed by a short scolding from his brother. Through it all, he never really regrets taking what he wants, it was just another thing for him to mess with and kill time, and maybe be of use.

But this was said for small, unimportant items; snacks, toys, pens. But never was he interested in taking a person. In fact, he was really never interested in people anyway, the only exception was his brother. And now, apparently you ever since that first interaction. 

It was very late in the night when that happened. Someone had taken the suitcase filled with money from him and his brother, and their stress would only increase when their employer would check up on them and make sure they had the money. So he was on the lookout for the one who had taken it. 

His focus should’ve solely been on the job, and murdering the thief with his bare hands, but his mind would wander to the pretty girl he saw earlier. He had seen many different people in his life, but something inside, the compulsive part, wanted you. And like the previous times he’d taken something, there really was no reason why he wanted you, he just did. 

As he walked away, his mind and body were screaming to go back, toss you over his shoulder and continue on. But he was on a very serious mission, and he didn’t want anything to happen to you. He eventually got the suitcase back, shooting the man who had taken it. Before going back to the carriage he was sitting in, he would have to pass you again. He quickly went to the small bathroom, wiped the blood off his face, fixed his hair, and smoothed out his suit. 

To say he was disappointed when you didn’t notice him the second time around would be an understatement. He was livid. How could your attention be through the window and not him? Especially when he went out of his way to look decent for you? That would need to change, he thought to himself as he slammed the briefcase on the table and sat down. The carriage he was in was next to yours, so he had the perfect view of the back of your head if he looked through the glass window of the door. As he was thinking of different ways to snatch you without anybody noticing, his brother came into view, sitting across from him. 

“Oh, good. You’ve got the case. I was getting worried there for a second. You really are a right Thomas, Tangerine. Hardworking and cheeky and all that, you know, you should try to watch it sometime. You barely sat through the fir–”

“Lemon, could you shut the fuck up right now? I can hardly hear myself think with that shit your talking about-”

“How could I forget your kindness and compassion? Jesus, I don’t remember Thomas being a massive dickhead-”

“And I don’t remember giving a fuck about Thomas the Tank Engine. Now, shut your mouth before I shoot m’own head off, fuckin’ twat.” Tangerine rolled his eyes and stared at you again like you would vanish into thin air if he took his eyes off you. 

Lemon smiled mischievously, he loved to push Tangerine’s buttons. It was a good way to pass time and amuse himself, and he knew Tangerine didn’t mean any of the harsh words he said. Not about killing himself at least. While thinking of his next choice of words to piss him off more, he noticed that look in his brother’s eyes. The one where he was ready to pounce, attack, then kill. 

He got nervous, wondering if Tangerine hadn’t finished the job and failed to kill whoever took the briefcase. Lemon followed his eyes and they landed on you in the next carriage. 

“That the one who took the briefcase?” Lemon asked, ready to put a bullet in your head, he was already standing up. “What, no-” 

“Don’t worry, you sit tight and I’ll get the fucker.” Lemon whipped out his gun and almost made it to the door when he was suddenly tugged back down so roughly that he almost fell to the ground.  “What the fuck are you doin’? Sit back down, you wanker. She didn’t take the case.” Tangerine hissed and released his deathly grip on Lemon’s jacket with a shove. 

“I said sit back down, asshole. God, do you ever think before pulling out a gun and shooting the first person you see?”

“I don’t know, do you ever stop and think before you take something and shove it up your ass? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were ready to kidnap that woman.” One thing Lemon was exceptional at was reading people like they were an open book, a skill taught to him by Thomas the Tank Engine. Which meant he could easily see that that was what Tangerine was currently planning on. 

“C’mon, mate. You can’t be seri– you better be pulling my dick.” Lemon whispered, taken aback by his brother’s actions. He knew very well of Tangerine’s compulsive stealing, and he knew he was good at it. It came in handy when they needed to steal something important for their missions. And despite slapping Tangerine’s wrist when he would commit petty theft or larceny, it was slightly entertaining. And the times he did kidnap someone, they would plan it together and execute it together, but only if they were relevant to their missions. And you were not relevant to them at all. 

“No, I know, I know.” Tangerine sat back down with surrending hands in the air, knowing what he was thinking was fucked up. That didn’t mean Lemon wasn’t going to put salt in the wound and rub it in. 

“That is a real fuckin’ person right there, not one of your stupid bubbly waters or Momomon stuffed animals.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” Tangerine defeatdly said and put his head in his hands, disappointed in his own thoughts and wants. Lemon sighed, he knew Tangerine didn’t want to feel this way, but he couldn’t help it. So he decided to save time and do what he always did, help his brother.

“Why do you want this girl?” Lemon knew he wouldn’t receive a proper and detailed answer. Therefore, the shrug he got was no surprise. But he wouldn’t let Tangerine go through with the kidnapping without properly processing his thoughts. 

“I don’t know, mate. You should’ve seen her. She looked so wretched and miserable and sad, I just want the poor little thing. It was like staring at a bunny that was run over and shot at.” 

“Well, this could just be a bad day for her. Maybe she isn’t so sad all the time.” 

“But what if she is?”

“Then she’ll get through it like all the adults in the world.”

“What if it’s too much for her?”

“What if what’s too much for her?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know!”

“And that’s the issue, Tangerine. You don’t know fuck about her and you want to save her or some shit. See if you really want her and you’re not going to toss her aside when the thrill is over, then you can be a fuckin’ hero or whatever.” Tangerine nodded his head as he watched you buy a fish shaped biscuit and a strawberry soda. 

Lemon made some good points. Tangerine would need to know if what he was feeling wasn’t temporary, so he waited a week to see if his feelings had changed for you. And they hadn’t, they had only gotten stronger. 

He woke up alone thinking of you wrapped up safely in his arms, to feeding you a healthy breakfast when he ate by himself, to jumping in his arms when he came back home from work, to fucking you when he was back in bed with his hand wrapped around his cock. And all these thoughts only increased when he saw the state of your life. 

After Tangerine realized he wanted to keep you, he shamelessly watched your every move for the next two months. He followed you to your apartment and to the exact number you were staying at. Because of your long hours at work and staying awake on the train, you were too sleepy to use all your senses to their full capacity. Tangerine shook his head at how you didn’t notice him following you, anyone could just come up to you and shove you into their room. Silly girl, he thought, you won’t have to feel this way anymore when I get my hands on you. 

Next, after Tangerine found out your living place, he actually broke his way in after you had left for work, this time with Lemon. Your apartment was easy to get into, all he had to do was jiggle the knob a few times and roughly kick it open. 

“What a fuckin’ shit hole, mate, she really lives here?” Lemon scrunched his nose at the stained brown walls and dirty carpet. He was also surprised at how small your place was and how little furniture you had. “Good god, her fuckin’ couch is missing a two of its feet and a cushion. This is no way to live, tsk, tsk.”

“Lemon, you’ve amputated limbs and killed people, and this has you shocked? I’d appreciate it if you’d shut the fuck up and help me out, yeah?” Tangerine said, making his way to your room.

“What exactly am I helping you out with?” He asked, turning around to the tiny kitchen and opening the fridge. 

“Anything about her really, I just want to get to know her.” Tangerine shouted while studying your bedroom, trying to get a feel for your personality and what you like. A butterfly comforter with matching pillows but the mattress was on the floor, I’ll buy a similar bed set and you’ll sleep in my arms in an actual bed. Lots of books piled in the corner, I’ll get you the biggest bookshelf I can and I’ll start reading as well. Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury. The Awakening, Kate Chopin. A Room of One’s Own, Virginia Woolf. Tangerine focused on memorizing each novel and its authors. 

Next to your books were your CD’s. Tangerine did the same thing, taking the time to memorize your favorite artists and their albums. Next, he opened your closet, not much was there except five plain t-shirts and two pairs of jeans. And that was it. There wasn’t much else to do in your room as there were literally only a few items. And it took everything in him to stop himself from taking anything.                                                 

“And you think breaking into her house and snooping around is the way to do that?” Lemon snorted, snapping Tangerine out of thoughts. “Shit, man, does she eat? There’s nothing in here but water, butter, and tangerines-... tangerines. It must be fate.” His brother ignored him, heading to the bathroom where he found a toothbrush, toothpaste, cleanser, deoderant, shampoo, conditioner, and bodywash. 

“Oh, I know why now. Her job doesn’t pay shit.” At this, Tangerine walked back to the living room to find Lemon holding what he assumed to be your paycheck. 

“Lemme set that,” And he snatched the paper from his hand, “Y/N L/N. She works at Kaiseki Ryori. That’s like two hours away from here, what is she doing there?” Tangerine asked himself. That’s why you looked so tired. After a whole day of work you had to wait another two hours before getting home, wait no, one hour because of the Bullet Train. 

After snooping around some more, Lemon reminded Tangerine that they had some business to attend to, some people to assassinate. On the way there, Tangerine was thinking of his next move, and he decided that going to your workplace would be good. 

But he would have to wait another week as him and Lemon were piled with work to do. But that didn’t stop Tangerine from making sure you got home safely. Only a few nights allowed him to get on the Bullet Train and sit a few seats behind you, where he noticed you really enjoyed eating fish shaped biscuits and some sort of fruity soda, the flavor always changed. 

Alternatively, if he didn’t have enough time to ride with you, he would break into your apartment in the middle of the night, to again, make sure you got back safely. But he could hardly do either because he had his own work to do and he couldn't afford to check in on you every night. So he installed a tiny camera in your living room, which was difficult to hide because you had barely anything in your apartment. He was about to put the second camera in your bedroom, but decided against it, he didn’t want to be too invasive. 

A month had passed and he was glad he installed the cameras, it really was much easier to see if you were in your apartment through his phone. He smiled at your sleepy state going to the kitchen and eating a tangerine, thinking you were the most adorable person he had ever seen. 

He was sitting outside across from your complex. He had finally had a day off and planned on watching you some more, this time at your workplace, Kaiseki Ryori. While waiting, he watched you get ready through the phone. 

Although Tangerine found your tiredness cute, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for you having to get up extremely early for work. And also the fact that you don’t eat much for breakfast because you couldn't afford anything else besides fruit and water. 

This will change soon when you have me, darling. I’ll have a nice, big breakfast ready for you when you wake up every morning. 

He had also made up his mind about you working in your soon to be relationship, you simply were not going to. You weren’t going to do anything but be his and only his. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t curious about your job.

He watched as you walked through your apartment door. Tangerine turned his phone off and waited for you to exit the complex. Just then, his phone had alerted him that he had gotten a message from Lemon. 

🍋: how’s it going? Did you get your ticket

🍊: pretty good, just waiting for her to come out of her building. Then I’m following her to Kaiseki Ryori. And yes I got my ticket

🍋: how romantic, just don't let her see you

🍊: no fucking shit, I’d be stupid to let that happen

He rolled his eyes and put his phone away when he heard the doors open, his heart stuttering at the sight of you as well as hurting when he saw that you were obviously freezing cold in your thin jacket. Tangerine didn’t want to get too close in fear of being seen by you, so he waited until you turned a corner to start trailing behind. 

Various bakeries and cafes were open, one of them he saw you going into for the first time, staring wide eyed at the fresh pastries. You were in there for only a few minutes, chatting with the male barista behind the counter. Whom, Tangerine will admit, was quite attractive and way too close to you and smiling way too much. He watched as you laughed at something the man said, Tangerine’s anger was increasing as the seconds went by. Shouldn’t your fucking drink be ready by now? How can you even afford that shit anyway with your pay?

Just as he was about to enter the cafe and shoot the barista between his eyes, Tangerine’s phone range. Fucking Lemon again.

“What the fuck do need that’s so fuckin’ important?” Tangerine hissed into the phone and placed his gun back into his pocket as he continued to stare at the two of you having a lovely time talking about whatever. He started to calm down as he saw the barista finally give you your food and drink. You walked out of the cafe with a small smile as the hot drink warmed up your hands. 

“Calm down, mate. I was calling to tell you about her boss, it’s not good.” At this, Tangerine‘s full attention was on his brother. But as soon as you were a good distance away, he walked into the cafe. “Hold on.”

“Good morning, what can I get for you?” The barista, Axel, his nametag wrote, said with a smile. Stupid fuckin’ name.

“I’ll just have whatever the last person had.” Tangerine said, rolling his eyes, his anger and annoyance rising again for having to talk to Axel. 

“Okay, that’s a chocolate croissant and a small caramel macchiato, is that goo-”

“Yes, that’s fuckin’ fine,” He couldn’t stand hearing him talk, he wished Lemon hadn’t called so he could’ve shot Axel and his stupid face. He spoke to Lemon “Alright, what did you find?”

“Who are you talking to? Do you need me to come down there?” 

“No, Lemon, I’m fine. I won’t fuckin’ ask again, what did you find on her boss?” Tangerine was full-on irritated. And swearing in every sentence he said showed that. He just wanted to get to you as quickly as possible, but what's-his-face and Lemon were in the way of that. Even though they really weren’t doing anything. When Tangerine was mad, he took it out on everything. 

“Shit, alright. I found that this man, Akihito, has a criminal record. Robbery, grand theft auto, harrassment, fucking manslaughter, and the list goes on, mate.” 

“Jesus fucking christ, alright. I’ll deal with the asshole later. Can you hurry the fuck up, please? I’ve got shit to do.” He yelled at the worker, who scrambled to pour milk in his caramel macchiato.

“It’s ironic since the guy’s name means brightness and compassion, I’ll tell you Tangerine, he’s no Thom-”

“Lemon, if you mention that shit show again, I swear the next time I see you, I’ll shove my gun up your ass and shoot. And I’ll do it with a fuckin’ smile on my face.” Then he hung up with an annoyed groan. 

“H-here you go, sir.” 

“Where the fuck is my croissant, I swear to god-” Tangerine wanted to smash this guy’s head onto the counter as he watched the man hurriedly grab his pastry and place it in a bag. Can he do anything right, what do you see in him? It better be nothing, love.                                                                        

“Thank you for takin’ your sweet fuckin’ time, mate, I really appreciate it, ya cunt.” Tangerine snatched the bag and drink, surely crushing his croissant, and quickly made his way out the door before he heard a quiet mutter. “Asshole.”

Tangerine froze with his hand on the door and snapped inside, he was filled with so much rage that he could feel his face flush and heart beat. He slowly took his hand off the bar of the door and turned around, seeking just a small bit of joy out of the pure terror on Axel’s face.

“I beg your pardon… what did you call me? Because if I heard your correct, you called me an asshole. And that’s a lot of nerve for someone who works minimum fuckin’ wage, how about you do your fuckin’ job right and I won’t shoot you, hm?” Tangerine pulled out his gun and held it to Axel’s forehead. 

At this point, Tangerine’s words were shot to kill. He didn’t care if Axel or another customer would call the cops. His patience had quickly worn thin and he wanted to make Axel pay for it.

Axel nodded his head with tears in eyes and violently shook from fear. Tangerine hummed, satisfied, but still held the gun up.

“What’s that right there?” Tangerine motioned his head to the glass cabinet. “T-that’s daifuku, sir.”

Tangerine shook his head, urging him to continue while he cocked his gun, “Yeah, and what the fuck is it, c’mon I already told you I don’t have all day.”  

Axel’s tears flowed down his face and his breathing stuttered as he tried to keep himself composed, “it’s m-mochi stuffed with anko and d-different fillings including, strawberries, jam, or coffee-flavored filling.” 

“Gimme the coffee-flavored one,” Tangerine said and kept his eyes on Axel the entire time, he wanted to pressure him more in case he messed up again. Then he’ll have more reason to keep on torturing him. When he got his treat, he put his gun back into his jacket pocket, but not before taking the stack of napkins on the counter.  

“I’m not paying for it, asshole,” And he walked out and looked at his surroundings, making sure no one saw the whole exchange, “miracle no one saw that.” And he finally made his way to the Bullet Train.

When he got there, he noticed you sitting through one of the windows, eating your croissant and sipping your drink, still with tired eyes. And once again, Tangerine was swooning. His bad mood slipped away with every step he took. 

Tangerine did what he always did when he got on the train with you, stay far away enough to keep an eye on you. And that was it. For the whole hour the train traveled, all he did was watch you. And while he felt happy to see you, you dreaded going to work.

For the whole time you worked there, the ride to Kaiseki Ryori filled your stomach with an anxious burn that stayed there until you clocked out. Then you would sit back on the train, exhausted but thankful that the day was over. But then reminded that you would have to go in the next day, and then the next, and then the next. And the anxiousness as well as the depression would return.

You often wondered when your life would change for the better. When would you finally save enough money to buy a new, bigger, cleaner place? When would you find a new job that didn’t make you cry everyday in the bathroom? When would you meet a group of people that could be your friends? 

You just wanted to feel content when you woke up. But you awake thinking God, I have to do this all again?

You thrived on praise, on people telling you that you were doing a great job. It gave you a small push of confidence that led to you feeling good about yourself and made you willingly work harder. But with no friends or decent people around you to give you support, it was impossible to feel positive and optimistic. 

Along with this, you were incredibly lonely in the love department. Not only did you want someone to love and appreciate you, you wanted to give love to someone else so desperately. Someone who would do anything and everything just to see you. This would also give you another reason to be happy. Since you came to Japan, there has been an empty hole in your chest waiting to be fulfilled with the love you felt for someone. 

This combination of low self-esteem and loneliness, as well as the lack of money, made it difficult for you to go out and enjoy yourself. There were a few times when you mustered up the courage to get out of the safety and familiarity of your apartment and go to one or two shops, but that was only two or three times a month. You would go straight back to your small apartment after seeing a group of friends that were your age eating and laughing together, happy together. The same thing was said when you saw a happy couple walking down the street, holding hands and staring at another with so much love that you felt a mixture of jealousy and nausea.

If these didn’t make you feel bad about yourself, then going to your favorite shops and seeing that you couldn’t afford anything made you go back. You would get overwhelmed seeing a beautiful dress or a cute t-shirt, and knowing you didn’t have enough money for it. Or a book you’ve been wanting to read or the newest phone or a better stereo for your cd’s or a flat screen tv. 

There were even times when you didn’t even make it to the next street because you felt as if everyone knew how pitiful your life was and they were laughing at your misery. Those days were especially bad. You would go back to your apartment, crawl into bed and cry for hours. Crying because you felt pathetic for not even being able to walk down the street, crying because you had no one to wrap their arms around you, crying because there was no one in your life to tell you that it will eventually get better and that you were a strong person to get out of bed everyday and face a mean world. 

Tangerine knew of your many crying sessions, it shattered his heart into a million pieces everytime he heard your choked sobs and stuttered breathing. It somehow hurt even more not being able to see you, as you were in your room, he couldn’t even see the state of your agony and pretend he was there. Lemon would have to hold him down and stop him from running to your complex, breaking in, and giving you the love you craved. 

You sighed heavily when you realized the train had slowed down at your stop. The mental preparation on the way there was never enough, you could already feel the headache on its way and the exhaustion deep in your bones.

The walk to Kaiseki Ryori was hard. You knew what was to come in about ten minutes, that’s why you took your time walking. But you always felt guilty for this. Although you weren’t treated nicely at work, something inside your head reprimanded you if you decided to give yourself a break. It was your brain telling you that you didn’t deserve to be selfish for even a few minutes, maybe it was the pressure you and others put upon yourself in highschool to always work to your fullest extent. And that no one got anywhere in life if they decided to take a minute for themselves.  

You arrived at the restaurant and you saw two of the cooks walking together. They saw you and you immediately wanted the ground to swallow you. 

“Hey, Y/N. Really cold out today, huh? I really like your jacket by the way.” One of them said with a smile on their face while the other one snickered. You gave them a tight lipped smile. You weren’t stupid, you knew they were actually making fun of you. And it sucked knowing you couldn’t call them out on it because they were being passive aggressive. If you dared talk back, they would make themselves a victim and say they were only giving you a compliment and that you should be thankful, and you would look like the asshole. 

Then they would run to the boss and say you were being rude to them, and you would get called into his office for a little chat about your future working at Kaiseki Ryori. This chat included Akihito telling you that you need to be nicer to your co-workers or you would be fired. He also told you the first time that you needed to be a better waitress, and he sent you on your way back with no advice on how to become better. 

“I’ll get the door for you, Y/N, there you go.” The other cook smiled and held it open for you and you knew what they were about to do. “No, thanks. I’ve got it.” 

“Y/N, you’ve had this talk before, don’t be ungrateful and I won’t tell Akihito.” God, they were like fourth graders that never grew up, you thought. How could they be so immature and nasty at their age, they were older than you and acted this way. 

You sighed in defeat and walked through the door. Even though they have done this countless times, your heart always stopped when one of them stepped on the back of your shoe roughly and made you fall on your hands and knees on the dirty floor of the kitchen. This time, your boss had walked by. You were hopeful he saw the whole situation and would finally believe your claims that your co-workers bullied and messed with you on the daily. But the two cooks squeezed the tops of your arms in tight grip that made you wince, and pulled you back up on your feet.

“Y/N, oh my, god! You need to be careful or you're really going to hurt yourself one of these days.” One of them said with a faux pout and a worried voice that was too realistic. You huffed with tears in your eyes from the pain of landing on the hard ground and because of the humiliation. Your knees still hadn’t healed from the last time they did this a few days ago, and because they do this so often, your knees were always a shade of dark blue and purple. 

Tangerine was fuming at his spot across the street. He had watched the whole thing unfold and wanted to go up to the two cooks and kill them. Drag a blade across their neck and watch as they bled to death and choked on their own blood. Maybe kidnap them and set them on fire, have them die slowly and painfully. Then he thought of a better idea, one that required a certain venomous snake. He decided he had seen enough and left to begin executing his plan. But it had killed him to walk away from you.

“You two are very kind to help her, now get to cleaning. The one who closed last night didn’t properly clean the place and I need you three to do it.” Akihito didn’t even bother to ask if you were alright, focusing his attention and gratitude to the two on either side of you. Sometimes you thought that he was in on the harassment, turning a blind eye at first, maybe giving the bare minimum of care, then laughing in private.

“But we need to prepare the food, Akihito! And you know how long that takes!” The one on your left whined in a way that hurt your ears. He nodded his head before he said, “Yes, I understand. Go on then.” 

The two released their bruising grip and walked away, leaving you alone with the boss. He looked at you in irritation, “Well get to work miss L/N! I’m not paying you to be absolutely useless.” And he walked away. Although he left, you nodded your head.

The next thirty minutes were spent with you, once again, trying to keep your hot tears from falling. Which made it even more difficult to wipe down the counters and sweep the floor because the tears blurred your vision. And you didn’t want to wipe them away because it would give it away that you were crying, even though a few people already knew. And some of them did feel bad for you, but they didn’t want to risk being another victim alongside you. 

You sighed heavily before putting on your apron with shaky arms. Kaiseki Ryori had opened barely ten minutes ago and tables were already filled with customers. You felt an extra long day hurdling at you and there was nothing you could do but get through it with as little damage as possible.

Surprisingly, it was not as bad as other days, it was pretty normal. Your co-workers, especially the cooks, liked to mess with you for entertainment; giving you the wrong meals and purposely messing up the food because they knew the customer always blamed the waitress and not the cooks. In the end, the customers always cursed you out for not doing your job correctly. 

As soon as your very long shift was over, you bolted through the kitchen, shoved the door open, and started your journey back to the bullet train. Before you left, you had wanted to steal a small bag of ice to put on your bruised knees, but the first time you tried that, you were stopped by one of the cooks because according to them, “We can’t waste any food.”

While you got comfortable on the train, Tangerine was in the middle of buying some Boomslang venom from The Hornet. Who was as annoying and difficult to negotiate with as others say. But he eventually got the venom and quickly made his way back to Kaiseki Ryori, where he saw the two cooks leaving. Perfect.

-

The next few days at work were great. The two cooks who participated the most in making your life miserable had not shown up, which made your days significantly easier to get through. But you couldn’t help but feel a little strange. As horrible as they were, they took their work seriously and would rather die than miss a day of work at Kaiseki Ryori. 

Your relief was soon taken away and replaced with terror when Akihito informed the staff why they had been missing. According to him, they were just found dead in their homes. You felt sick as he gave the gruesome details; blood had come out of their eyes, nose, and mouth. And their throats were swollen and closed up. Your mind had begged him to stop talking when he kept going, “Yeah, I guess one of them fell down and completely broke their neck and cracked their skull. It’s horrible.”

What happened next made you scared to even come out of your apartment. Akihito was murdered the same way as the cooks.

Your emotions were everywhere. How were you supposed to feel? You were ecstatic to never work with them ever again, but that was only because they were dead. You felt guilty and disgusting for even being just a little bit joyful to never see them again. 

Kaiseki Ryori got a new boss immediately and he gave everyone a day off. Which was not enough. How could anyone go back after they had just found out their co-workers died grotesquely? But they did, and it scared you how normal they seemed. You were still shaken up and had questions and concerns. 

Who did this to them? Why? Am I a target? I need to be more careful when going back home. And I really need to get a new lock for my door. But I don’t have the money for that. 

Also, when you say things went back to normal, that also meant they still continued tormenting you as well. You thought the murder of the two cooks would for some reason stop them. 

Through all of this, you just felt confused and lost. What made it worse was that you had no idea what to do and had no way to communicate your jumbled thoughts. On top of that, your parents kept trying to call you, but you would let the phone ring until they got the hint that you were “busy”, and they would stop calling. It was always hard to get through their calls, but at the moment, you were in no state of mind to deal with them. But with each call you chose to ignore, the more anxious you got because you knew their anger increased each time they couldn’t get a hold of  you. It had finally got to the point where you couldn’t let it go on anymore, so you picked up your phone and dialed your father’s number with shaky hands. 

“God, please don’t pick up, please don’t pick up, please.” You hoped and prayed they were actually busy, unlike you. 

“Wow, she finally has some goddamn time to talk to her parents.” Your father said with an annoyed tone. You wanted to throw yourself out of your window.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve just been a little busy with stuff. Sorry, dad.”

“Busy with what? Last time we talked, you were a waitress not someone of importance to the world.”

“I know, but I’ve just had stuff to do-”

“Stuff more important than your parents?”

“No, I-”

“Is that Y/N? Give me the phone” You heard your mother yell and you cringed. Not ready for her unwanted subtle views and judgements of your life. The conversation went smoothly at first, but you tensely waited for some sort of remark from her.  

“You know, I really don’t like the choices you’ve made, you’ve seriously messed everything up.” Your mother said bluntly. This surprised you, she usually only made a small comment that you could easily bounce off from. But she never downright told you how she felt, you only had a strong feeling. 

“I really don’t want to talk about it, please.”

“Well, I surely want to talk about it, right now.”

“Mom, please, I don’t feel comfortable-”

“No, this is where you zip it and listen, Y/N. Your father and I raised you to be outstanding and extraordinary. You had the perfect grades and the ambition and the attitude. What happened to my daughter?” You had no clue what to say. What would someone reply with if their mother just told them they were no good anymore?

“I don’t know, I just got a little tired I guess.” You uttered, feeling the formation of the ball in your throat and the stinging in your eyes. You took a deep breath as quietly as possible, you didn’t want your mother to hear you crying. 

“No, you got lazy and incompetent. And it was such a shame and an embarrassment to witness all your capability go down the drain. I had to- we had to watch as other parents celebrated their own children head off to college and get amazing opportunities. And what were you doing? Packing your stuff and running off without a second thought. You wasted all your potential to be a waitress? In Japan?”

“Mom, please-” Your voice wavered, the ball in your throat becoming bigger as well as the tightness in your chest. You felt yourself about to shatter with no one but you to pick up the pieces after.

“No, no, you don’t get to be upset and cry. I’m the one that should be upset! My only child left me for god knows what. Tell me.”

“What?” You whispered. You hoped you had heard wrong. This was a conversation you were not ready to have, ever. 

“I said tell me. What was so wrong with your life or what you lacked in your life that you had to move away from your father and I?”

It was silent for such a long time, or maybe that’s how long it felt and it had only been a few seconds. Memories you repressed deep into your mind had floated to the surface and swallowed you whole, adding more fuel to the anxious burn in your stomach.

“I don’t know, you and dad just fought a lot and it scared me. Dad would always leave, too. I-I just became anxious around the house, a-and the pressure I felt on me made it worse. I couldn’t handle it anymore, I just had to leave, mom. I’m so sorry.” You sniffled. It hurt to talk when you wanted to let it out and cry. 

“Honestly, Y/N, this is just ridiculous. I have had more than enough. Come back home right now, I mean it.” The tone in her voice was the same one she used when she wanted something done immediately. But you would rather work with the two cooks again than go back.

“Mom.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to.” You said quietly.

It was silent for a minute, then you heard some muffled noises, as well as your dad calling out for your mom. You assumed she had dropped the phone and walked away.

“Well, you’ve really hurt your mother and I, Y/N. I hope this little trip was worth the pain you have caused us.”

“Dad, please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” And he hung up. 

You sat frozen on the couch and tried to keep yourself together. But you didn’t go very long and you let out a pained wail that devastated Tangerine through the camera. He had seen enough of your life and was officially done waiting, he needed to get you out of there now.

Once he had you, he would be the one who treated you like you deserved to be treated. He would hold you in his arms as you cried and with the most gentle touch, wipe away your tears. He would whisper that everything is going to be okay, comfort you with so much love that you felt safe. 

He would take care of you, make you never have to worry about a single thing ever again. He also wanted to be the one who made you smile. He had only seen it a few times and your lit up face was ingrained into his brain. He wanted to read your books to you and listen to your music with you. Things Tangerine never thought he would do, he wanted to do with you. He would be that person who did anything for you, and all you had to do in return is love him. And if you didn’t, he’ll show you that he’s the one for you and vice versa. 

You unknowingly owned all of Tangerine’s heart. And he wanted to own yours.  

~~~

A/N: First chapter done! The next one we’ll actually see them interacting which I’m so excited to write. Comments/reblogs are greatly appreciated, they are what fuel me to keep doing this. I’ll also shave your eyebrows off if you don’t comment/reblog :)

[howtofightwrite]

Professional Monster Removal

So, you've been hired to clear out a monster (or monsters) infesting a building in (or around) a modern city. What do you do?

The first problem is that you can't trust what your client tells you. Not in the sense that you think they're intentionally lying to you, but rather, they don't know what they're talking about.

If they tell you it's a vampire, that's basically meaningless. As myths go, vampires are more of a catch all for a staggering number of monsters from folklore, and while you wouldn't want to deal with most of those critters, your options for disposing of them (or even identifying where they are in the building, and assessing how dangerous they are) are far more picky. It's a bit like working as a normal exterminator and when you ask what the client needs removed they only offer, “it's furry.” Yeah, that's not helping anyone, buddy.

Werewolves aren't much better. The modern bipedal wolf monster is basically a Hollywood invention, dating back to the mid-20th century. There's absolutely no folklore support for it. That doesn't mean that in your world that flavor of nine-foot tall snarling deathbeast isn't a reality, but it's going to be hard to research. More often, werewolves were humans who took the form of a wolf, usually through some form of magical ritual. Knowing what that ritual is would be critical to identifying and eliminating them. Of course, this does come with the problem of leaving behind a very human looking body (in some cases), and that could be an entirely different problem, depending on exactly how well job is.

If they tell you it's a demon, that's almost more worthless than telling you it's a vampire. First off, there is no way to know that they've actually got a demon, and not just some random spirit. If they do have a demon, I hope you've brushed up on your advanced theology, because this is going to get extraordinarily messy. And, there's a very real danger that whatever you've run into has the capacity for completely unmaking small parts of reality. Or it could just be an unusually malicious house cat. Really, demon is even more of a catch all term for, “something we don't understand, but we're pretty sure it scares us.”

If it's fairies? Run. Just run. You're not getting paid enough for this, they can have their deposit back. It'll be fine. They're smarter than they look, and way more malicious and vindictive than you realize.

Just walking away is also pretty good advice for any esoteric, “list of rules,” you may get handed. Sometimes, this is pretty obvious safety considerations, like don't wander around in darkened rooms while the critter is loose, but when you start seeing things like keeping to a schedule, that's a very good sign that, either, whatever you're dealing with is sophisticated enough that some simple rituals and a catch pole will not get the job done. Or, alternately, someone (probably your client) is using you as bait,  or planning to feed you to the critter. This overlaps pretty strongly with the warning about fairies above, the Venn diagram isn't a perfect circle, but there's a lot of overlap.

Now, this doesn't mean you should ignore your client, but it does mean, you're going to need to do a lot of footwork after they hire you. This is not the fun kind of research. If they say vampires, you're going to need to be conversant in the many, many, vampire myths throughout human history. Sometimes you can shoot them. Sometimes you need silver and garlic. Amusing, on the cliché of, “forget all you know about vampires...” there is one element of folklore that actually doesn't exist; vampires don't need your permission to enter a dwelling. Now, a lot of vampires are extremely obsessive compulsive (yeah, this is the hilarious moment where you realize Sesame Street's Count has a legitimate grounding in folklore), so, they may want that invitation for psychological reasons, but it's not a mystical barrier that will protect you. Get them angry enough and they will forget themselves, cross the threshold, and rip you to pieces. (Though, in some cases, churches and temples may repel them. It goes with the holy symbols thing in general.)

That said, the holy symbols isn't specifically a vampiric vulnerability, more just a general ward against monsters, when it pops up. So, this is one to be very cautious of, but it can be useful in a lot of situations if you're receptive to that.

When you're doing your initial walk through, of the residence, keep an eye out for certain tells. You'll pick this up with practice. The direct signs of the critter are always nice, but finding secondary evidence of regarding the site's residents shouldn't be ignored. Keep an eye out for large amounts of esoterica, evidence of objects having been recently removed from the site (or recently added to it), evidence of ritualistic practices (often these will originate from the human residents themselves, rather than the critter, but, obviously, that's not always the case), and other anomalies. You're not just looking for tufts of fur, or forensic evidence, you also need to know why the critter is there.

So, you've identified your pest, hopefully. Under the best possible circumstances, you should now have a roadmap for dealing with these things. Here's the bad news, in some cases, that won't actually give you any tools to deal with it. A distressing amount of folklore will tell you how to avoid dealing with the critter in the first place but then washes its hands of what to do after the critter has been provoked.

Worse, and more frustratingly, folklore will sometimes give you bad information. Yeah, the biggest problem with folklore is, the more dangerous the critter, the less reliable your information will be. If someone offers you to clear out a nest of crawlers, my advice would be to not do it alone, and don't get too attached to the people you work with. There is no reliable folklore on those things, and 99% of the, “lore,” that does exist is internet fiction, written by people trying to spook each other out. As for sifting out that last one-in-a-hundred? Good luck.

This brushes against a related topic, you cannot trust research you pull off the internet. Obviously, things are a little different when you're digging through well documented myths, but when you start getting into more esoteric topics, the signal to noise ratio hops off a cliff. This doesn't mean the internet is useless, it can be useful for a brief overview (if you have the time to sort things out), and of course it's amazing for communicating with your colleagues. However, expect that when you need to dig into local folklore, you're going to need to spend time in the city's libraries, digging through books no one cares enough to scan and post online. For the most part, newspapers have been saved and uploaded, though if you're in the middle of nowhere, you might run into a small town paper that hasn't kept up to date.

So, what do you need to do? Remember that your job is to remove the errant critter from the site, not necessarily kill it. (Try to avoid those stipulations when you can. It can result in really unfortunate situations when you're dealing with something that literally cannot die.) Prioritize elimination in cases where the creature cannot be moved, or will return to the site regardless what you do, but remember you're getting paid to remove it, not to play hero, and you're certainly not getting paid enough to die over a spelling error in someone's circle of protection.

This brushes against a (hopefully) rare problem; amateurs. Yeah, it doesn't matter how much research you do, if your perfectly baited trap gets trampled by some bumpkins who broke in with shotguns and flashlights because they heard some monster was on the loose. Mercifully, these guys are a self-solving problem more often than not. If the critter kills them, then they're not your problem. In some rare cases, amateurs can even be useful, either as bait, or as a new vessel to get the critter off the site and make it a problem for someone else. If that sounds callous, remember that between their poor trigger discipline, misplaced hero complex, and unpredictability, they're more dangerous to you than the monster you're trying to evict. Sure, a century old specter that preys on hope is going to be harder to kill, but these guys are just dumb enough to shoot you in the head if you startle them. Or if they get it in their heads, somehow, that you're the one responsible for the infestation in the first place.

If you're, “lucky,” enough to get repeat business, that's probably a bad thing and the client is not going to be happy about it. In these specific cases, (assuming it's actually a new critter, and not a case where the original one wandered home after being released somewhere distant), your priority changes to identifying what brought the creature back here. Some critters are extremely territorial, and will return home no matter what you do (these are times when you really do need to find a way to permanently eliminate it.) However, if various critters of the same variety found the place appealing, presumably independently of one another, then you need to identify why. Again, this going to take some research, and you might even need to bring in a specialist (if you have access to one.) These kinds of situations can be really frustrating because the client is likely to be pissed with you over the new infestation, and believe its due to your incompetence, not because they didn't disclose critical information the first time round.

Checking city records regarding the place, even land claims and the history of a place become significantly more important on a return visit. (Now, if you're being thorough, you should have checked this the first time, and sometimes you'll even have time to, but if we're being honest, that stuff is rarely relevant, and you won't often have the time to dig through city records.) On the bright side, in the 21st century, a lot of those kinds of records are now available online, and free, so the days of wandering around in some sub-basement of city hall are (mostly) a thing of the past.

This is just napkin math, but figure that about one in four infestations can be traced back to a human cause. Either someone moved into the critter's territory and it's trying to drive them out, someone did something “very bad” and now they have a critter focused on them, or (worst of all), someone deliberately brought the critter here, lost control of it, and now wants you to remove it. The first two can result in repeat business if you simply remove (or even eliminate) the infestation, first time around. The third can also result in repeat business as well, but with a critical tell, the client's going to be fine with bringing you back. This isn't necessarily a red flag, but it is something to be cautious of.

Note that, in cases where the critter is focused on hunting down a specific individual, it may be in your best interest to simply stay out of its way. Actively helping the creature is a major liability risk, as you'll now be implicated in their death, but again, your job was to remove the creature from the site, and if that's accomplished, you can point to your contract and move on with your day. Similarly, getting in the  critter's way can be a very bad idea. That said, there's no guarantee the critter will voluntarily leave after it's managed to satisfy whatever's driving it. So, this becomes just one more consideration you need to weigh.

So, what do you do? Pay attention to the details, identify the critter, use that information to formulate a plan, and never forget that you're not getting paid to die on the job.

-Starke

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[anarchistmemecollective]

hi!! over the past year or so, i’ve been radicalizing leftwards (does that make sense?), and while i do like to say that i have a pretty good understanding of things like socialism and communism and such, one thing i haven’t really been able to figure out is what anarchism is and how it works. like, i get the basic idea, but what with google being google and most people on breadtube not being anarchist, it’s definitely not as easy to research as socialism.

anyways, tl;dr: what defines anarchism and how does it work?

thanks in advance! have a cookie 🍪

"Anarchism asserts the possibility of an organization without discipline, fear, or punishment, and without the pressure of poverty: a new social organism which will make an end to the terrible struggle for the means of existence,—the savage struggle which undermines the finest qualities in man, and ever widens the social abyss. In short, Anarchism strives towards a social organization which will establish well-being for all."

leftward ho! thanks for writing. these questions are always difficult to answer because i don’t know where you’re coming from on your personal journey. but i’ll try to answer some of the basics and recommend some good resources to start with.

first of all, there are many anarchisms and if you ask three anarchists you’ll get five opinions. but probably the most prevalent form of anarchism is anarcho-communism, so while i’ll try to talk broadly from a general anarchist position, much of it be from an anarchocommunist perspective for simplicity’s sake.

at it’s most basic, anarchism is an opposition to hierarchy, to one person having control over another. it is a radical commitment to compassion and absolute freedom. like communists, anarchists want a moneyless, stateless, and classless society. unlike leninists, who falsely claim to be communists, we know that there has never been a good state, and never can be. they are by their very nature oppressive, and cannot be used as a means to an end to achieve communism. no group or individual can wield that much power over others and not become corrupted by it. absolute power corrupts absolutely, etc. so while we are committed to the fight against capitalism, we are also committed to the fight against the state. they are intertwined and must be defeated simultaneously. so we believe in the abolition of all government and the organization of society on a voluntary, cooperative basis without recourse to force or compulsion, and the abolition of money and private property, as the best way to ensure the basic and higher needs of everyone are met.

if you haven’t read it yet, the wikipedia article for anarchism is actually a pretty good place to start:

Anarchism is a political philosophy and movement that is skeptical of all justifications for authority and seeks to abolish the institutions they claim maintain unnecessary coercion and hierarchy, typically including, though not necessarily limited to, the state[1] and capitalism. Anarchism advocates for the replacement of the state with stateless societies or other forms of free associations. As a historically left-wing movement, usually placed on the farthest left of the political spectrum, it is usually described alongside communalism and libertarian Marxism as the libertarian wing (libertarian socialism) of the socialist movement.

Humans lived in societies without formal hierarchies long before the establishment of formal states, realms, or empires. With the rise of organised hierarchical bodies, scepticism toward authority also rose. Although traces of anarchist thought are found throughout history, modern anarchism emerged from the Enlightenment. During the latter half of the 19th and the first decades of the 20th century, the anarchist movement flourished in most parts of the world and had a significant role in workers' struggles for emancipation. Various anarchist schools of thought formed during this period. Anarchists have taken part in several revolutions, most notably in the Paris Commune, the Russian Civil War and the Spanish Civil War, whose end marked the end of the classical era of anarchism. In the last decades of the 20th and into the 21st century, the anarchist movement has been resurgent once more.

Anarchism employs a diversity of tactics in order to meet its ideal ends which can be broadly separated into revolutionary and evolutionary tactics; there is significant overlap between the two, which are merely descriptive. Revolutionary tactics aim to bring down authority and state, having taken a violent turn in the past, while evolutionary tactics aim to prefigure what an anarchist society would be like. Anarchist thought, criticism, and praxis have played a part in diverse areas of human society.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarchism

i don’t know how much original theory you’ve read before, but i’ll give some reading recs. personally i’m a big fan of peter kropotkin, and found the conquest of bread to be a breath of fresh air after studying marx for years. others have recommended starting with errico malatesta’s anarchy or peter gelderloos’ anarchy works. and zoe baker (anarchopac) is excellent if videos or tweets are more your speed.

https://enoughisenough14.org/2019/06/10/anarchism-a-very-short-introduction-by-colin-ward/

getting involved masterpost

hopefully that’s enough to get you started but please feel free to ask questions, and there are many more knowledgable people here who can help as well.

[the-west-meadow]

Normal People

Lukas Matsson x (fem)Reader, Roman Roy x (fem)Reader

word count: 3k - read on Ao3 here!

NFSW: 18+ ONLY

You first met him at Kendall’s birthday party.

Roman was being obnoxious. All he could talk about was finding Lukas Matsson. He and Shiv were relentless in their pursuit of the man. It was all business, no pleasure tonight. So while Roman and Shiv stood with their heads together, compulsively sipping vodka tonics, you slipped away unnoticed to try and have some fun before the night was over.

You found your way upstairs, where for some inexplicable reason Kendall had built a replica of his childhood treehouse. The inside was bustling with people yet the two buff men outside wouldn’t let you enter without an armband. Dejected, you started to turn away, when you heard Kendall’s voice from above.

“Hey! Let her through, she’s cool!”

He was pointing right at you with a grin. The guards moved aside, letting you in.

Upstairs, Kendall greeted you with a hug.

“Nice treehouse,” you said.

“Thanks. It’s pretty infantile, right? Sort of the vibe I was going for.”

“Definitely. You nailed it.”

“Hey, I need a favor while you’re here. See that guy over there?”

He nodded over his shoulder to a tall blonde Scandinavian-looking man slouching alone in a plush leather chair.

“Who is that?”

“That’s Lukas Matsson. He’s pretty disgruntled and I need someone to keep him from wandering. I can’t do it anymore, I need to mingle. Also, Roman cannot know he’s here.”

“Roman’s entire purpose in life tonight is to find that guy.”

“Please don’t tell him he’s here. I’ll owe you one. Seriously.

“Don’t worry. Roman’s driving me fucking crazy at the moment.”

“Amazing. You’re amazing. Let me get you a drink and I’ll introduce you.”

Kendall stepped away. You glanced curiously in Lukas’s direction. He glanced up from his phone, met your eyes, and did a double take. He stared at you for a long moment across the room.

Kendall returned with your drink, breaking your gaze.

“Let’s go. You’re about to meet one of the weirdest rich guys out there.”

Drinks in hand, you approached the man. He kept his eyes fixed on yours.

“Yo, Lukas. Meet my good friend Y/N. I promise she’s not going to network you to death.”

Kendall clapped him on the shoulder.

“You guys have fun.”

You thought you saw Kendall wink, but it was too quick, and then he was gone.

“Kendall thinks I need a babysitter tonight,” Lukas said. “Too many sharks in the water.”

“Thankfully I don’t have any interest in what Kendall and his family does. I’m just along for the ride.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a writer.”

“What do you write?”

“Words, mostly.”

Lukas cracked the smallest grin.

“Is that, like, meaningful for you?” he asked.

“I don’t really care if it has meaning or not. Mostly it keeps me entertained.”

“Cheers to that.”

He raised his beer bottle and clinked it against your glass of gin and tonic.

“So you know all of the Roy siblings?” Lukas said.

“Too well.”

“Which one’s your favorite?”

“Do I have to have a favorite?”

“It’ll say a lot about you. I’m still figuring out who I’m talking to here.”

You considered briefly.

“I think I relate to Kendall the most.”

“Daddy issues?”

You laughed. “I’m not going there. But if I had to pick a favorite… Roman is the most fun to be around.”

“So you like fun.”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t relate to what most people think of as fun.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Partying. Getting drunk. Rollercoasters.”

You burst out laughing.

“What?” he said.

“Rollercoasters?”

“People find them fun, right? You tell me. What’s fun to you?”

“Not rollercoasters.”

Lukas considered you with a curious, calculating look.

“I’m starting to think you’re not a normal person,” he said.

“I could tell you weren’t normal the second I looked over here.”

You gave him a sly smile. He set his beer down and folded his hands in his lap.

“I’ve got to get out of this treehouse,” he said.

“You don’t think the treehouse is fun?”

“I’d like to find out what your idea of fun is. You still haven’t told me.”

You gazed at him for a long moment. Then you heard an all-too-familiar voice over your shoulder.

“There you are. Both of you.”

Roman was leaning over you with his hands on the back of your chair.

“This is a weird pairing. What are you guys even talking about?”

“Rollercoasters,” Lukas said.

You smiled, catching his eye once more before you stood.

“I’ll let you guys talk.”

“I’ll see you later, though, yeah?” Roman called. You glanced at Lukas, who had put everything together in an instant.

“If you can find me,” you said as you left.

When you glanced back over your shoulder, Lukas was staring at his phone again and Roman was sitting cross-legged in your chair, trying unsuccessfully to get his attention.

Not long after, you found yourself in Italy, lying poolside beneath the mild northern sun. Eyes closed, you felt a shadow pass over your vision and cracked your eyes open. Roman sat in the neighboring beach chair, squinting in the light.

“I forgot how much I hated the sun.”

He leaned back uncomfortably in the chair.

“So, I have a mission for you. For both of us.”

“What?”

“Guess who lives right across the lake.”

“Who? Stop making me ask questions.”

“Our old buddy Lukas Matsson.”

Your heart skipped a beat.

“Who?”

Roman grinned.

“You know who. You’re literally blushing.”

“It’s the sun.”

“I know you’ve been wondering how big his dick is.”

“Roman, what the fuck?”

“Hey, it’s fine. I mean, you still haven’t seen mine. It’s only healthy to think about other men’s dicks every now and then.”

“Jesus…”

“Look, seriously. I need your help. I have to convince him to make this deal. But I don’t think he likes me all that much. If you’re there, maybe he’ll perk up enough to listen to me. I mean, the man’s practically comatose.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“I need you to get him a little hard, metaphorically speaking. He’ll want to show off his big dick in front of you by making this deal.”

“Stop saying ‘dick’. This is sounding really fucking weird.”

“Like I’m trying to whore you out to him?”

“Yeah. Exactly that.”

“Come on. You don’t have to do anything. Unless, you know, you want to.”

He wiggled his eyebrows. You gave a sigh.

“When are you leaving?”

“Soon. Now, actually. Can you put some clothes on? The bikini might be overkill.”

“God dammit, Roman.”

You stood up and grabbed the towel from the back of your chair. He grabbed your hand gently.

“Hey.”

You paused, gazing down at him, the quirky smile flashing, eyes obscured behind his dark sunglasses.

“You’re my secret weapon.”

You were on the boat less than half an hour later, speeding across Lake Como in the warm air.

“That’s his place,” Roman said, indicating the approaching villa. Tall cypress trees swayed in the lake breeze, revealing a stuccoed exterior and red tile roof. A hidden paradise nestled at the foot of the Alps.

“You’re shitting me.”

Roman grinned.

Lukas was waiting for you on the dock. He was barefoot, in a black t-shirt and white linen pants. His dark blue eyes glinted in the light reflecting off the lake.

Roman disembarked first, turning to lend you a hand. You felt Lukas watching the two of you.

"There you are, you tall motherfucker," Roman said, stepping forward to greet him. He shook Roman’s hand, then turned his gaze to you.

“You remember Y/N, right?” Roman said. “I think I interrupted your little party in the treehouse.”

“So you two are together?”

“Well, we haven’t fucked yet if that’s what you mean,” Roman said.

Lukas glanced at you. You rolled your eyes discreetly.

“I feel like I shouldn’t ask,” Lukas said.

“Oh, it’s all me. Not her fault.”

Lukas led the two of you to a patio shaded from the sun. His property was quiet, beautiful, secluded. It was strange to imagine him padding around the villa in his bare feet, alone. He reclined on a wicker sofa while you took a seat nearby.

Roman was looking at his phone, suddenly serious.

“What is it?” you said.

“I gotta take this. Sorry, guys.”

He stepped away, leaving you alone with Lukas. He reclined on a beige sofa, glancing at you with his hands folded in his lap.

“I was wondering if I’d see you again,” he said. “Where did we leave off?”

“I don’t remember. It was a long night.”

“When you said Roman was your favorite, I didn’t realize why.”

“It’s pretty complicated.”

“Sounds like it.” Lukas paused. “You guys really haven’t fucked?”

“It’s just… not like that. I know it sounds weird.”

“How long have you been together?”

“About a year.”

He let out a low whistle.

“So does that mean… I mean, are you guys exclusive?”

“So far. Yeah.”

You gazed at each other silently. Roman returned, phone in hand.

“Hey guys, I gotta run. But I’ll be back. Is it cool if she stays?”

“It’s fine,” Lukas said. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just family stuff. Kendall,” he added, glancing at you.

You nodded, unable to tell if he was bluffing or not.

“Try not to talk business without me,” Roman said. He turned and jogged back towards the dock. You heard the boat engine start as he sped off across the lake.

“Fun,” Lukas said.

You looked at him in confusion.

“We were talking about fun.”

He was gazing at you, broad shoulders in the dappled sunlight, his eyes calm.

“Do you want to see the rest of the house?”

You followed him inside, bare feet on the cool terracotta floor, a warm breeze moving through the open rooms. The villa was exquisitely decorated, a blend of modern art and traditional Italian motifs. Green and gold curtains, plush beige sofas, a gleaming oak dining table.

“You live alone?”

“Yeah. To be honest, I don’t like living with other people.”

“I know what you mean.”

“You and Roman don’t live together?

“Let’s stop talking about Roman.”

You paused in the doorway of a bedroom that opened onto a patio overlooking the lake. The sheer curtains lifted in the breeze. You felt Lukas glance at you.

“The downstairs is all for show. I live upstairs. Do you want to see?”

The upstairs was a loft with exposed beams and skylights. In contrast to the overblown downstairs decoration, everything here was black, white, grey. This was where Lukas’s preference for Scandinavian minimalism became apparent. He was so tall that he had to stoop in certain places. You peered into his office, sparsely decorated with a wooden desk, MacBook and high-end stereo system.

“This is where I get my thinking done. I really don’t like having visitors in general. Present company excepted.”

His bedroom was adjacent to the office. Again you lingered in the doorway, hesitant to enter his private quarters. He leaned on the doorframe across from you and folded his arms. He looked straight at you.

“So,” he said.

“So...?”

“Kendall’s birthday party. I had every intention of inviting you back to my room.”

“Roman ruined your plans, huh?”

“Pretty much. But then he brought you here.”

You went silent, gazing back at him. The blonde stubble, heavy brow, hard blue eyes. Something in him both frightening and compelling. Impenetrable but vulnerable. He was tan from the summer sun, calm and cool. He seemed curious to see what your next move would be. And he was willing to wait you out.

You meandered into the bedroom, glancing around at his possessions. A shelf full of books: classics, modern novels, books on tech. A stray pair of headphones. A solitary person’s existence.

He followed you in, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. You turned around to face him.

“Roman brought me here to help make the deal for his dad,” you said.

“I know that. I don’t care. I’ve already made my decision.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

You stepped up to him, feet nearly touching. He watched you with the faint smile of someone who has been alone for a long time observing a newcomer in their space.

“Let’s not fuck around any longer,” he whispered.

Almost before he had finished speaking, you leaned down to kiss him. He kissed you back, long, deep kisses, like he had missed you intensely in your brief, inexplicable absence from his life. His hands slid up your back. You sank onto his lap, straddling him as his hands moved lower, exploring your unfamiliar form.

You ran your hands through his hair, along the back of his neck, across his broad shoulders. You slid your hands beneath the sleeves of his t-shirt, feeling his toned arms. You kissed his neck, the sound of his rasping breath in your ear.

“Did you think of me at all?” he whispered.

“I couldn’t stop,” you breathed.

You felt a throb as he grew harder beneath you. You pushed him back onto the bed and ground against him as he swiftly unbuttoned your shirt then shed his own. He pulled you down against him, kissing your neck, your shoulders, his stubble brushing your skin.

“You really haven’t been fucked in a year?”

You shook your head, gasping at his touch, unable to speak.

“Time to change that.”

He deftly changed positions with you, so that you were lying half-dressed beneath him. Now you had a full view of him, his bare torso, ruffled blonde hair, the intensity in his eyes. He unzipped his pants and slid out of them.

“Oh my god,” you said, unable to stop yourself. Lukas grinned, breathless.

“What?”

“You’re fucking huge.”

He tugged your pants off, gripping his cock, and without any further delay, slid swiftly into you.

You let out a long, vocal moan. It had been too long. Everything in you had been aching for him. He watched your every reaction, the slight grin on his face, his eyes glittering. You bucked against him, running your hands over his lean body as he slowly, firmly pounded into you. You gripped his forearm for dear life.

“Fuck, Lukas”

“Yeah? Is that good?”

You groaned in response as he leaned into you, his hot, sticky skin against yours, running along the length of your body with his bulk. He gripped your wrists, pinning you lightly as he pulsed in and out of you. You sank your teeth into the muscle of his shoulder, and he held you down harder.

“You feel like you want to come,” he murmured.

“Mmhmm.”

“You’re so fucking wet.”

You dug your fingers into his back, feeling your entire body tense up.

“It’s been so long. You’re ready to fucking burst.”

He slid his thumb into your mouth and you bit down on it. There were starbursts behind your eyes. His voice in your ear.

“There you go. Let me hear you. I want to hear you.”

That was it. You let go, back arched, thighs tensed, warmth spreading across your body as you let out a half-moan, half-scream. You heard Lukas groan and stiffen, his hand twined in your hair.

You stayed like that for a long moment, breathing into each other’s mouths. Finally he rolled off of you, shining with a light cover of sweat. You lay side by side, recovering.

“Fuck,” you whimpered.

“Is that what you wanted?”

“Fuck yes.”

You felt his fingers brush along your forearm. He was gazing at you from his pillow.

“You can come closer. If you want.”

You gladly complied, feeling his arm encircle you as you found a place against his chest. Your eyes traced his unfamiliar body. A tuft of blonde chest hair, a scar below his ribcage, a small birthmark near the belly button. But you didn’t touch him further. This was still new, the boundaries not yet established. Perhaps Lukas didn’t want to be touched in a tender, loving way. Perhaps you didn’t either.

“I wish we had more time,” he murmured. “There’s a lot more I want to do with you.”

“I was very pent-up,” you said, half-apologizing.

“No, it’s fine. It’s good when it’s fast sometimes. Plus I’m not great at seductive gestures.”

“This is only the second time we've met and you made me come. That just doesn’t happen.”

He gave a slight laugh, a low sound deep in his chest. He stroked your shoulder with his thumb briefly.

“I mean I’m not a normal person. Some things people want from me, I just can’t give them.”

“You’re talking to someone who’s been dating Roman Roy for a year and a half. I go without a lot of things.”

You gazed down his body, his skin soft and tan in the natural light.

“Plus, there’s probably a lot I can’t give you,” you murmured. “Remember, I’m not normal either.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want normal. I get bored easily.”

From the open window, you could hear the sound of the lake lapping against the shore. Then, growing in the distance, the high whine of a motor.

“Well,” said Lukas with a note of finality.

“What do we do?”

He turned on his side, looking straight at you again with that penetrating gaze.

“I think we need to see each other again,” he said.

“Okay.”

Without another word, he sat up, sliding into his pants. You savored the sight of his torso as he pulled on his shirt. You dressed quickly then met him in the doorway, where you paused. He brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, then leaned down and kissed you once, warm and deep. He held your eyes for a long moment. He looked like he was about to say something, but instead he smiled slightly to himself and started down the stairs. You followed, eyes lingering on the back of his neck, his shoulders.

Roman met you on the green lawn. His hair and clothes were windblown and disheveled but he was grinning.

“Hey kids. Have fun without me?”

“Just showing her around the property.”

“I bet you did. Hey, I know it was shitty for me to run out like that, so if you want to talk about the deal another time, we’ll get out of your hair.”

“We don’t need to talk about it. I want to do it.”

Roman raised his eyebrows. “Well, shit. Are you sure, man?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m sure.”

Roman grabbed his hand and shook it with a grin. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.”

“I guess we will.”

Lukas’s eyes flashed in your direction. You smiled slightly and looked away.

On the boat ride back, Roman was strangely silent. He had a secretive grin on his face and his eyes were obscured behind his dark glasses. Then he unexpectedly turned to you, grabbed your face between his hands, and kissed you on the mouth.

“It worked. It fucking worked.”

He held your hand the rest of the way back to his mother’s villa. It was the first time in a year and a half of dating that he had done so.

[kinopio-writes]

Hello! I really like the way you write ;) can I see the OCD reader's girlfriend? (she is very paranoid, constantly checking everything, checking the house for hidden cameras, checking things and sometimes throwing tantrums because she thinks she is being watched) characters: Lucifer, Adam

A/N: Thank you. I did a bit of research about OCD, so hopefully I’m not appearing ignorant or anything. I know everyone’s experiences are different, but do tell me if I’m inaccurate.

Also, I know you only specified paranoia, but I added a couple of other things, too. I hope that’s okay. This somehow could all be read platonically.

Warnings: Adam being Adam (he’ll be quite insensitive here and possibly triggering)

———

Lucifer, and Adam w/ a Reader who has OCD

Lucifer

• I don’t think Lucifer would even know that the word mental health exists

• wait, no, scratch that—he explicitly said he has depression

• actually, y’know what, maybe he heard the term depression through Lilith or something

• because there is just no way he knows what mental health is

• he’s been a hermit ever since the beginning of humanity (after he got banished)—how would he know?

• but, uh, anyway, back to the headcanons—

• he doesn’t know you specifically have OCD

• he just thinks what you’re doing is pretty normal since he’s also neurodivergent himself, so he relates to some of the things you think or do

• he’s very supportive

• he healthily alleviates your worries

• he never pushes them away or make it seem like you’re overreacting

• but, uh, constantly reassuring you would very much drain him

• Lucifer is also a man who requires many reassurance

• one of many habits you picked up is constantly checking up on the guy since you know he also has issues himself

• it gets worse if Lucifer’s depression takes a massive decline

• you’re constantly knocking at his office door, calling out his name to make sure he didn’t…

• uh, Lucifer usually doesn’t have the energy to respond during those times, so your worry doubles further

• this is unfortunately not an uncommon occurrence

• moving on, you two often try to get the other to come back to bed (you both struggle with sleeping)

• be it because of your compulsive behaviors or him hyper-fixating on finishing his rubber duck projects that you both lose track of time

• so what happens if it happens to the both of you at the same time?

• uh, it’s just not good

• you two will regret it the next morning

• you two are basically barely functioning together, but are trying to be better for each other

• and for Charlie, too

———

Adam

• I don’t think Adam would notice anything at first

• but if you two see each other quite often (maybe living together), he would pick up on some of your quirks

• he would hate how particular you are about many things

• like, what do you mean it needs to be like this? What do you mean this needs to be exactly like that? And what do you mean that has to be like this? Why can’t it just be the way it already is?

• your anxiousness also irks him

• like, why are you like this? You live in Heaven, for fuck’s sake! Why are you so worried?

• he, uh, “reassures” your paranoia not very healthily

• “Oh, that? Pshh, you’re fineee.” “Don’t worry ’bout it.” “Stop being so paranoid.” “Jeez, you’re overreacting.”

• it’s even worse if you’re bothered with things such as messes since Adam definitely does not have cleanliness as a trait

• his home is usually cluttered unless he uses his powers or gets someone to do it for him

• if you have trouble with time management, don’t worry about accidentally waking Adam up late at night ’cause he has a shitty sleep schedule

• you also don’t have to worry about that since he’s probably a heavy sleeper

• actually, he probably either sleeps in until the afternoon or takes afternoon naps after a sleepless night

• those times when he’s awake at ungodly hours are when he notices your habits

• if you don’t want any of the behavior I’ve mentioned, please educate him because he will most definitely not do it himself

• don’t be afraid to speak your mind because he obviously can’t read it

• but he won’t exactly make things easier for you

• unless it’s convenient for him

• he’ll just tone himself down a bit (his words, I mean)

• but he’ll slip up from time to time because he’s just very used to not being mindful of the things he says

• overall, just know that he’ll get annoyed and frustrated with you at times

• ...uh, yeah

• maybe you just shouldn’t be around a guy like him

[tgmsunmontue]

Online & Anonymous 7/16

Hangster. Explicit. Years before they meet in person Bradley and Jake strike up a friends-with-benefits relationship online. And then something more like an actual relationship.

Odd year = Bradley's POV and Even year = Jake's POV

>>Bradley chatting (bold and italics)

>>Jake chatting (italics)

2005/2006 2007 2008 2009 2010 2011

2012 – Jake

              He’s been watching it, staring at it, and he knows Nick is older than him, but he wonders if it changes anything. Well, it definitely changes one thing, and that’s the fact he can say he’s gay and not immediately get dishonorably discharged. He didn’t expect for that to feel like such a weight lifted from him, but it is. However he doesn’t suddenly feel okay with saying or doing anything different. The law was changed quickly and it could change back just as quickly. The one person he can talk about it with is currently incommunicado, and he hates knowing exactly where in the world Nick is, and knowing that Nick has been in hospital for three weeks with a concussion, and is now somewhere doing something. Secret Squirrel. He knows better than to ask.

              Doesn’t mean he likes it.

              Too many weeks pass without hearing from him, and he doesn’t hear from Nick’s friend either, has to trust that he’s still alive and well. And if he isn’t, then his friend will let him know as soon as possible. He tries to ignore the thoughts that something could have happened to both of them. Just like something could happen to him and Javy. He lies in bed and wonders if he needs another backup plan, one that is more foolproof and doesn’t involve anyone that has a high-risk career in the military. He’s been opening and closing Grindr compulsively, has even turned the notifications back on, desperate to know as soon as Nick answers.

>>Do you kind of feel it could be snatched away as quickly as they gave it?

>>What?

>>The DADT repeal.

>>Oh.

>>Shit. Yeah. I kind of forgot about it with the whole hospital visit.

>>Well, don’t think it’ll be going backwards anytime soon. They won’t turn away able bodied people. Finally moving with the times.

>>I’m more curious about the people higher up who have been serving for decades and hiding.

>>Why would they care?

>>Hiding their entire lives? That’s rough.

>>Huh.

>>Yeah. I guess it would be.

>>You served under DADT. Surely you felt that pressure?

>>Yeah. You made it okay though. Made it bearable.

>>I’m glad I could do that for you.

>>So am I.

>>Do you think you’ll ever come out?

>>Like, just be out and gay and in the military?

>>Yeah. Eventually? I’m kind of focused on my career more than anything right now. It’s not like I’m going to run off and find a woman and get two and a half kids any time soon. When I have someone. When we meet. Then I’ll consider it.

>>Yeah. Same.

>>This way of life is hard. Even with the repeal it’s not like everyone’s attitudes are magically fixed. They’ll find something else to pin on people they don’t like, or people they feel don’t fit the type of Navy they envision.

>>Got to play it safe still.

              Jake stares at the words.

              Navy.

              Nick is in the Navy.

              It’s the first time he’s slipped up with some type of fact that significant, one that Jake could actually potentially use to try and find him. Apart from the fact that there are thousands of people in the Navy. Not that he needs to find him, not really. They’re already trying to meet up. It makes him feel even closer to him though, like when Nick had first admitted he was also military and Jake had felt the ties between them tighten a little, shared life experiences; although Nick’s always seemed more at ease with being gay than Jake has ever felt.

>>I refer to you as my boyfriend you know?

>>Only to two people.

>>But still.

>>You sure you don’t want my name?

>>I’m sure.

>>I don’t need to know your name to know how I feel about you.

>>I want you to tell me your name when we meet face to face the first time.

>>Sounds corny, but I just feel like that would be a cool moment to have.

>>Same with our faces.

>>Like a grand unveiling?

>>A bride walking down the aisle?

>>Fuck off. Stop being a dick.

>>I’m never telling you my name now.

>>You can call me Nick forever.

>>Dick even.

>>I’ll keep my face completely covered.

>>Would make sucking my dick kind of awkward.

>>I’d make you wear a blindfold.

>>Tie your hands so you couldn’t take it off.

>>Okay, the idea of that is totally turning me on. We have to try that some time.

>>Sooner rather than later.

>>What’s your schedule like?

>>I have the entire month of July to play with.

>>I can make that work.

>>Okay.

>>Let’s do this.

…           …           …

              “Are you fucking kidding me!”

              “What?” Javy asks.

              “I got new orders. I’m shipping out to Afghanistan in June. They’re cutting this deployment short, giving me my four weeks leave now, and then I’m in Afghanistan for five months. This is bullshit.”

              “Uh. Any particular reason why you’re this angry?”

              “That guy I told you about? Nick?”

              “Yeah, you ‘ve mentioned him once or twice, a day, for the past year…”

              “Fuck off. I have not. Anyway, we were going to meet up last year, in November. But then he got deployed to fucking Afghanistan. So we were like, okay, fine, reschedule, to July. And now I’m being deployed toAfghanistan.”

              “What did you do to piss off the universe?”

              “Ugh. Shut up. It does feel like the world is plotting against us.”

…           …           …

>>Okay. So you’re stateside again in October right?

>>Yeah.

>>Third time lucky?

…           …           …

              It is not third time lucky.

              But neither it is a deployment.

              Sandy hits with the force of a planet scorned and Jake is helpless to do anything but hold on. It’s chaos and he turns up to volunteer, needing to do something to help. All flights are cancelled, so it’s not like he can go anywhere. He’s put to work, and when it becomes apparent he’s trained military he’s put into a more formal role of helping coordinate other volunteers into working parties. Thousands of people need to be evacuated, then a hospital’s backup generator goes and he’s strong and able-bodied, put to work again with emergency services.

              Amongst it all internet service is spotty at best, and he tries to save the power on his phone but it goes dead, unable to be charged with the lack of electricity. He knows it’s only going to be a matter of days before everything returns to a different level of normality but he’s also aware that Nick will be wondering about him. He gets to charge his phone, hovering over it until it’s got enough charge so he can turn it on. He gets reception and then his phone is flooded with notifications and he’s glad no-one is around to hear the constant sounds.

>>Tell me you are safe.

>>Jesus Jas.

>>I know you’re meant to be in New York right now.

>>Please tell me you’re okay.

>>God.

>>You might not even have access to wifi or internet.

>>Fuck.

>>I hate this.

>>Please contact me as soon as you can.

>>I love you.

              There are dozens more, then there are rambling paragraphs of text detailing his thoughts on whatever he’s watching on television, followed by his thoughts on what the news is reporting about Sandy and then it circles back to hoping that Jake is okay.

>>I’m safe.

>>I’m sorry, my phone died and no electricity to charge it. There were emergency charge points set up, but I was kind of busy. I’ve been volunteering.

>>Of course you have. You’re wonderful.

>>Like you wouldn’t do the exact same thing in my place.

>>I go where I’m needed. I’d have been there in a heartbeat if I could.

>>New York is really not a great vacation destination right now.

>>Wouldn’t matter. I’d get to see you.

              Jake bites his bottom lip as he grins at his phone, happiness fluttering in his gut.

>>We knew this was only going to be a week, do kind of feel like I’m dealing with bad karma from a previous life or something though.

>>Fourth time lucky?

>>And I know this might be weird, but with DADT gone I was thinking we could switch to another messenger app. I don’t mind using Grindr for hooking up.

>>But I’m not hooking up with you.

>>You want to separate me from your bad-sex experiences and low quality encounters and put me in my own special folder huh?

>>You’re a secret romantic. Admit it.

>>God you’re a dick.

>>You’re the one who just said he’d be here with me in a heartbeat.

>>I could just delete the app and disappear forever.

>>We both know you wouldn’t do that.

>>You’d miss me too much.

>>I’d miss you.

>>And somehow I’m the romantic?

>>I’ll have a look and see if there’s something else that can be just for us okay?

>>Okay.

2013