#i also remember the posse leader aiming first

[gloves94]

To Be So Lonely [Draco Malfoy] 6

Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Draco Malfoy/OC Chapter warnings: Bullying!

Raised as an orphan, Nel Saintday, endured years of torture from the Slytherin House. The Dark Lord only allowed her existence for her to serve a very specific vile purpose for him. Her birthright dictates for her to choose a side in the Wizarding War… But what would happen if she dares defy the Dark Lord and his wishes? And what happens when she falls for her tormentor? Will Nel fulfill her life’s purpose? And what side will her tormentor, Draco Malfoy, choose? The light that calls to him or the darkness…

CHAPTER MASTERLIST MY MASTERLIST

It didn't take Nel long to realize that her peers would not warm up to her anytime soon. Her lack of a blood status and the fact that she was a graceless orphan made her untouchable in their eyes. She could still remember the look on Crabbe and Goyle's faces when she was sorted into Slytherin. The two looked as if they were ready to warmly welcome her to the House with a nice shiner.

Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, also known to Nel as Malfoy's personal bodyguards were rather dull. They never said or did much besides eat and tail after their leader. Honestly, she wasn't sure if either of them actually knew how to read. Both of course, blue blooded lads just like the rest of the lot.

The other girls in her year seemed to go way back to kindergarten. It even sounded like all of their parents seemed to be friends. The girls shunned her out of gossip, gift exchanges and other private gatherings that they had. The fact that she was a Slytherin, and the house tended to have a reputation, made it hard to make friends from other houses. There was also the issue that Nel and Pansy seemed to be constantly butting heads, competing or bickering with each other since day one.

Daphne Greengrass was Pansy's right hand. However, their relationship seemed to be unstable with Pansy consistently wanting to one up the witch with backhanded passive aggressive envious jabs at her. Greengrass didn't seem to notice or care, Nel hadn't decided which one. She spent most of her day narcissistically combing and brushing her enviable blonde hair.

The only person in the girl's dormitory that seemed to be decent to her was Tracey Davis. Tracey's father was a Quidditch commentator because of that the girl was obsessed with the Pudlemere United and was often wearing their jerseys. Her mother was a Muggle which made her a Half-Blood and because of that some of the other girls looked down on her too. She talked about Quidditch constantly and even boasted how she would be trying out for it next year.

The first year Slytherin boys were not much different.

Despite the constant company of Crabbe and Goyle it seemed like Malfoy's best friend was a tall boy with dark features named Blaise Zabini. Blaise was charming and had no issue talking himself in or out of any issue. Even when persuading others do to his bidding. Nel could tell he was smart. It was no wonder that Malfoy kept him close to him. He was also terribly proud of his status as a Pureblood. He laughed at most of his best friend's cruel jokes, but tended to be more serious, opting out to simply look down in disgust at others he deemed to be inferior.

The last boy, Theodore Nott, was the quietest of the lot. He seemed to be constantly withdrawn in his own little world and disregarded most around him. No surprise, he was another Pureblood. The curly haired boy usually had his nose buried in a book. Out of the lot he seemed to be the one most indifference to Nel.

And then there was Malfoy…

The thought of him made her blood boil.

Specially after she had learned what the word Mudblood meant. She had asked Tracey one day during breakfast. "Who called you that?" She gasped a little with both of her dark eyes shot wide open in shock. "To your face?" She looked horrified.

As if it was that so hard to believe. The word was casually thrown around the common room with enough frequency that its ominous meaning lingered on the girl's mind.

Nel was presently on her way to Charms, a class that had so far become a favorite of hers. She clumsily walked with several books in her hands staggering on their weight as she pondered on the questions, she would be asking Professor Flitwick.

For somebody who despised reading she had been doing more than enough of it since arriving to Hogwarts. Not only did she have to keep her grades up, she had also learned she had to educate herself and be stronger and smarter than her peers. Specially if she wanted a fair shot at surviving the rest of the school year. It was even harder for her to keep up considering most of the lot came from wizarding families and had been exposed to spell works and magic since a young age.

Malfoy who was walking with his posse of boys watched her from a far. He had been extra bitter as of the late over the fact that Harry Potter had made Gryffindor's Quidditch team and had become the youngest Seeker in a Century. He of course had to take out his anger and frustrations on something - in this case on someone.

His eyes were glued to her back. Fixed on her horrible haircut.

"Watch this," he smirked at Crabbe and Goyle.

He flicked his wand in her direction. Nel didn't even see it coming. It was almost as if she had tripped on an invisible rope. She let out a loud gasp before taking a nasty spill, the handful of books she had been carrying spilling around her.

She looked at her scraped hands and lightly winced at them. Laughter approached her and then passed her as Malfoy and his friends walked by her the three of them laughing. She felt her head grow hot. Impulsively she reached for a large book and with perfect aim tossed it at the back of his head, hitting his gel helmet making him tilt forward.

"Next time you have the urge to hex me! Do it to my face!" She shouted at him.

"Oh, yeah?" He challenged stepping forward. "What are you going to do about it?" He whipped his wand out advancing towards her.

"Make you regret it, you fathead" Nel rose to her feet, books gathered in her arms. She pulled out her wand and without saying a word hexed  him.

Malfoy's head began to grow and inflate like a balloon. He touched it and looked horrified when he realized what was happening. His head swelled up so much his face looked small compared to it. Nel let out a triumphant laugh and turned her wand to Crabbe and Goyle threatening them. The three boys scattered away in panic.

She heard laughter and turned to see Ron bent over with laughter a couple of steps behind her. Harry was next to him sniggering at what he had just seen.

"That's an illegal spell!" Granger stepped forward both her eyebrows turned up in concern. "You could get in serious trouble for that, or worse, expelled!"

Nel huffed humorously and lightly blew on her wand pretending it was a hot gun in one of those Western films she'd watch back at Wool's.

However, Ron shot Granger an irritated look. "Don't listen to her," he stepped forward. "Again, that was bloody brilliant!" He said in awe.

"Thanks," the girl responded as the four of them walked together to Charms class. "Your brothers actually taught it to me." She then turned to Potter, "Also, congrats on making the Quidditch team Harry. Youngest Seeker in the Century? That's pretty wicked," she smiled at him.

"Thanks," Harry flashed her an odd look. "Shouldn't you be upset? Slytherin is our rival team."

She shrugged casually. "I don't see any Slytherins around," she smiled charmingly before walking into potions. It was true. Ever since she found out what the word Mudblood meant - not wanting to be associated with such a disgusting ideology Nel had decided to shed her uniform. Opting out from wearing her emerald and silver tie and her green robes.

It seemed like her classmates had just realized that she wasn't in uniform because the Slytherin girls kept making comments about it or asking her why she wasn't wearing her robes which irritated her to no end.

“You’re going to make us lose House Points!” Bullstrode hissed at her, which made Nel roll her eyes.

Today they would be learning a new spell. One that was known to be most effective during dueling.

"Now, can anybody tell me what kind of spell Expelliarmus is?" Flitwick leaned over his podium eyeing the class.

Granger's hand instantly shot up in the air. Several students rolled their eyes at her. She could really be such an insufferable know-it-all sometimes. She was the kind of student that would remind the teacher to grade homework when it seemed like he or she had forgotten to collect it.

Elowen raised her hand for a change. Surprised Flitwick turned to attend the participation from the usually quiet student.

"Expelliarmus is a disarming charm. It's commonly used during duels to make an opponent lose their wand," she explained.

Flitwick seemed pleased. "Think you can demonstrate Ms. Saintday?"

"Uh…" She shifted nervously ready to cast the spell for the first time when Malfoy walked back into the class with a scowl on his normal sized face. She shook her head and returned her attention to the professor. Nodding, she flicked her wand and Flitwick's own wand flew out of his hand.

"Well done Ms. Saintday, 10 points Slytherin."

There were some low cheers on her side of the room. Nel was about to take her seat when the professor realized she wasn't wearing her uniform.

"Something wrong with your uniform Ms. Saintday?" He asked curiously. "Nope," The girl responded with an innocent smile.

"Then, may I ask why you chose not to wear it?"

The room grew silent expecting her answer. Tracy braced herself already wincing at the anticipated answer. Daphne looked at her oddly.

"Because I will not be associated with a House that prides itself and values bigotry and racism."

Xxxxx

Again, Nel had gotten herself landed in trouble. This time however, she had been sent to the person above Snape. The Headmaster himself.

She was sitting on a sofa chair before the Headmaster's cluttered desk. Her eyes wondered around the cluttered room looking at the many moving portraits on the walls. The mountains of books and artifacts and specially at the phoenix that seemed to be combing its crimson feathers perched on his post. She didn't know it was possible for such a beautiful creature to exist.

She was expecting Dumbledore to come from behind her but the man instead apparated on his desk before her. She flinched at the sudden movement lightly jerking back.

"Ah, Ms. Saintday," he greeted casually. "We haven't chatted since we were at the Three Broomsticks. Have you been adapting well to Hogwarts?" Funny how he used the word adapting. Instead of enjoying. She snorted at his words.

"I've had detention more times I can count and got sent to your office today. How do you think?" She answered rudely with complete lack of regard or respect that came from a lifetime of living under Wool’s thumb.

Dumbledore ignored her crass tone. "I also see you're not wearing your uniform. Any particular reason why?"

He already knew why. Why was he taunting her like this? Trying to tiptoe around her to try and get her to admit it? Suddenly the orphan felt like she was back at Wool's sitting in front of the Matron instead of the Headmaster.

Despite the dancing around the taboo subject he was looking at her with an odd expression on his face. Fascination perhaps? She couldn't quite put her finger on it. It was almost as if he knew something she didn't. As if this was some kind of personal test she had to pass. "You know why," She crossed her arms over her chest. "You'd be surprised to know most of Slytherin's students don't share the believes you are so concerned about. Even then, those same believes can stretch beyond house or even status," he explained in a dismissive tone.

'And what about those who do?' She wanted to ask. How could he take this so lightly?

"I can assure you that this institution does not tolerate or support any beliefs relating or pertaining to the discrimination of others," He reassured her. "I do understand that the Slytherin House gets a particular reputation due to the beliefs of the founder of your house, Salazar Slytherin, a name I'm sure you're more than familiar with."

She starred at him blankly. So? Snape had made her do several parchments on him and the history of Slytherin. Big deal. "However, since you've brought it to my attention," he stroked his beard sagely.  "Something will be done," he winked at her with what she felt was the charisma that could move others to do his bidding to him.

She knew what Dumbledore was going to do. Absolutely nothing about it. She knew what those words meant. She had heard Wool say it plenty of times back at the orphanage.

He smiled at her and pointed his want in her direction. She flinched bracing herself to be jinxed or injured, but instead her green tie appeared and tied itself into a knot on her uniform and her green robe appeared from thin air growing on her arms.

"Sherbet Lemon?" He casually raised a glass bowl that contained a handful of lemon drop candies. Her mouth watered at the sight. Manipulative old man, lemon candies were her favorite…

She avoided his gaze before sinking her sticky hand into the bowl and taking a greedy fistful of them. Tongue half sticking out from her lips. She was about to leave when something stopped her before she reached the exit.

"I almost forgot," She returned to the desk. "Sir, I know that communication between Muggles and Wizards, is well, strained for less of a better word… Is there any chance that I can write to my friend Lucy? She's more family, really." She looked at him with hopeful eyes. "I'm afraid I can't make that exception Elowen. If Ms. Bonilla writes to you, what will stop the other children in Wool’s Orphanage from writing to you as well? The less people that know the better."

She slumped her shoulders in defeat. "However," he continued. "I would recommend you write to Ms. Wool to give your letter to Ms. Bonilla," he said kindly. "Is that all?" He crossed his arms behind his back.

Xxxxx

Nel was taken back when she found Tracey waiting for her outside of Dumbledore's office. "What happened?" She instantly asked. She looked more concerned than irritated which the orphan thought was odd.

"Nothing," Nel shrugged carelessly swinging her book bag over her shoulder. "Just talked," she said in a dull tone wanting to finish this conversation and just head directly to the owlery to write to Lucy.

"He wasn't angry?" She piped following the girl to the Great Hall. "No," Nel responded. She had a feeling that Tracey was only going to keep bugging her until she got her answers. "Like I said, we just talked. He offered me some candy," she said before popping one of the sherbet lemons into her mouth. "And made me wear my uniform."

They arrived to the Great Hall and sat at the end of the Slytherin table and helped themselves to today’s lunch rotisserie chicken, with rosemary potatoes, green beans and a split pea-soup.

"I thought what you did was brilliant," Tracey said taking a seat next to her classmate. "I wish I was that brave," she confessed.

Nel's eyebrows arched almost to her hair line in surprise.

"Or stupid," She heard a voice call from the other side.

Both girls turned to face Pansy who was sitting with Greengrass and Bullstrode. "You think just because you mastered one spell, you're better than all of us? That you can go cry to the Headmaster?" Pansy laughed.

Nel really wasn't having it today. She didn't even bother hearing whatever it was Parkinson had left to say.

"Sodd off fathead," She said casting Engorgio Skullus. It didn't take long for her head to begin to swell like a balloon just like Malfoy's had earlier. Students from other houses laughed at the girl's balloon head. Daphne and Millicent looked horrified as they escorted her friend to Madame Pomfrey. "Make that two spells!"

"Saintday," A familiar nasal voice spoke. Grimacing she turned back to see Snape standing behind her. "Detention…" He grumbled glaring down at her before stalking off.

Great.

"I thought it was pretty cool."

Neither one of the girls had even noticed that Nott had been sitting in front of them quietly reading a book. He looked up with the smallest of smiles.

The orphan didn't smile back. She gave him an odd look. "Aren't you… Like a fanatic too?"

Nott closed his book lightly and put it down. He did a light shrugging motion with his shoulders. "Sort of ridiculous, isn't it?"

Both girls returned his smile. Happy to have found some common ground and a new friend. Perhaps Dumbledore had been right. Maybe not everyone in Slytherin was terrible.

After lunch, for the first time since she arrived to Hogwarts Nel was happy. She was excited to write home and share the good news with her favorite person. She immediately wrote to Wool (Lucy) telling her everything and anything that she could tell her about Hogwarts and apologized for the lack of communication explaining that the school had no phones and was very particular about communications. Which was not a complete lie.  

With that she sent Barberry off with it to London.

Xxxxx

The rest of the school year went as well as it could've gone, especially considering there was a dark wizard out and about seeking to obtain a weapon that was hidden in the school and that their stuttering professor or the Dark Arts turned out to be that dark wizard in disguise.

Nel never received a response a response from Lucy. Not that she was expecting one as her friend didn’t have an owl to respond to her. Who knows maybe Wool was keeping her letters from her. That was precisely the type of emotional torture that the evil woman would play out. The thought made her skin crawl. She prayed that Lucy would forgive her, that she'd understand.

Being a Slytherin wasn’t as unbearable as it had initially been now that Nel had two friends in Slytherin house and even some outside of it.

Much to her surprise she received a letter when the owls were delivering mail the day after swelling up Parkinson's head.

She couldn’t help but smile at the letter.

“Who’d be writing to you?” Parkinson asked while trying time catch a glimpse of the contents of the letter.

“Look,” Nel said leaning over, lowering her shoulder so that she could show the contents of the letter to Pansy. The girl peered over her noisily and let out a shout when she saw Nel’s wand poking out of her sleeve.

A spark went off and Pansy’s head once again began to swell up like a large balloon.

‘Glad to see you’re keeping the fatheads at bay. - F & G’

She couldn’t help but laugh a little and look up to meet the twin’s eyes from across the table. Some students were laughing at the balloon head in the table. Fred and George smiled proudly at the monster they had created.

"Detention Saintday." Snape muttered as he passed by the table. Whatever, it had totally been worth it. So, what if she had to spend a couple of hours polishing ancient trophies at night.

As previously mentioned, Slytherin was at least bearable now. Of course, it wasn't all daisies and roses but in the least bit it was tolerable.

Now she found the most unbearable part to be just how petty and horrible girls could be for each other. Especially when the other girls would comment on Nel's clothes. Since most of her pajamas consisted on oversized t-shirts and mismatching sweatpants that looked worn.

The majority of her clothing was very Swiss looking considering they all had as many holes as the cheese. She didn't even know how many kids had worn them before her.

The orphan built a thicker skin. She tried to push these insecure thoughts to the back of her head. As much as Nel tried not to be materialistic and let it get to her head, it was hard not to. The girl didn't have a single galleon to her name. She looked at all the beautiful things the other Slytherin girls had with green envy. Their pajamas all made out of silk with lovely buttons. Their clothes didn't have holes, lose threads, and weren't washed out, colorless or two sizes bigger than them.

However, the hardest part was watching how blinded they were to their privilege. How they took what they had for granted. She'd watch how they would all mishandle and treat their clothes like rags. Daphne even complained she was sick of having to wear the same thing more than once. Nel’s sticky fingers itched at the thought of taking something from them,  it wasn’t like they would miss it. She also considered asking for it when they declared it so "last season" or something amongst those lines, but her pride was too great.

Nel would always be in need of money. Both in this world and the human one. This need awoke a new sense of entrepreneurship in her.

"Oi," She said tossing a crumbled-up paper to the back of Crabbe's head during History of Magic, also known as the most boring Wizarding class. Both him and Goyle turned back to look at her. Professor Binns was a ghost who had died during teaching, the man had not even realized he had died and simply stood up and continued teaching. Nel wondered how can one know they are not dead?

"Have you two done your transfiguration parchment on the difference between switching, vanishing and conjuring spells?" She asked Tweddle-Dee and Tweddle-Dum.

They shook their dumb heads no in unison.

Of course, they hadn't.

"I could help you with it," She implied. Then realized she'd have to be more concise considering how daft the boys were. "I'll do it for you," she clarified. "A Galleon for every 5 inches."

For somebody that despised reading so much Nel couldn't help but be locked up in the library most days doing Crabbe and Goyle's homework. The two didn't seem to care what grade she landed them as long as they were graded with Acceptable. And both were more than willing to pay.

Eventually she started getting other clients with strange request. One afternoon two male Ravenclaws approached her.

"You're Saintday.” One stated. "You're the girl that writes parchments, right?" The other said both seemed nervous as they fidgeted.

"Perhaps," she drawled out eyeing them curiously. They were Ravenclaws, weren't they supposed to be super smart? What did they need her for? "For the right price…"

"You also know how to turn people's heads into balloons, right?"

She arched her eyebrow at this.

And that's how Nel Saintday became the person you went to whenever you needed a favor done. All transactions were done carefully under the table in the musky corridors of the library to keep everything as anonymous and safe as possible. Parchment writing, hexing, you name it. Nel would make it happen. However, if you wanted something from Hogsmeade or Zonko's she'd refer her few clients to her associates in mischief the Weasley twins.

It was greatly frustrating seeing Slytherin lose the House Cup at the end of the year. Especially considering they had lost because of Dumbledore's favoritism to Gryffindor and the special attentions he put on Harry Potter. Nel scoffed bitterly. She liked Harry fine, but his special treatment really wasn't fair to others. Maybe she envied him. Like her he was an orphan, but unlike her, he had fame, he had a fortune, he even still had a family. Whereas she had nothing.

Finally returning to London at the end of the term. Nel wasted no time pounding on the orphanage’s door.

"Dear God, have mercy on me," Cordelia said aghast at the return of the girl he saw as the evil incarnate. Nel didn't bother in greeting the Matron. Wasting no time, she pushed past her, leaving her trunk and owl by the entrance as she rushed to the girls’ dormitory.

"Lucy!" She shouted excitedly her voice carrying over the corridors as she ran with a broad wide smile.

Some kids eyed her curiously, others cheered to see she had returned. Nel continued shouting her best friend's name as she poked her head into every room she could find. Her heart was pounding from the excitement.

"Lucy!" She shouted again entering the dormitory. She rushed over to Lucy’s bed and her heart dropped at the sight. She felt a painful jab on her chest. All of Lucy's belongings were missing, there were no photos on the wall, books on the nightstand or shoes underneath the bed.

She was gone.

End of Year 1

[tsarisfanfiction]

Whirlwind

Fandom: Bleach Rating: Teen Genre: Friendship/Romance Characters: Apacci, Yylfordt

The first time Emilou Apacci met Yylfordt Granz, she hated him.

Apacci was walking along the corridors of Las Noches with Harribel and the girls, minding her own business (well, not really – Las Noches was huge and of course she wanted to know everything about her new home), when the corridor in front of her exploded, debris flying as something was apparently thrown through it. High levels of reiatsu supported this theory when she and the girls were forced to stagger backwards slightly, although Harribel was unaffected, as a monster of an arrancar forced his way through the remains of the wall.

Clearly this beast was hunting something – well, someone. It was probably a poor unfortunate arrancar that happened to get in its way at the wrong moment. She was proved right when the initial debris settled enough for long blond hair to be visible as its owner stood up, evading a punch from the giant as they did so.

Apacci's first thought was to go to their aid, believing them to be female – what male had hair like that – but as the rest of the dust settled she could make out more details and realised that, astonishingly, they were male. A male with a very cocky grin, who was calling out various jeers and clearly didn't consider himself to be a victim even though it was clear who the stronger arrancar was.

Any desire to help fled. Males could fend for themselves, for starters, and this one's attitude just screamed that the whole situation was probably his own fault. Still, it was an interesting show and she was clearly not the only one to think that way, judging by the small crowd of arrancar coming to spectate.

One of the giant's lunges appeared to make contact, as the blond male was thrown back into the wall, not far from where she was standing, and she turned to look at the new mess, surprised that he hadn't been sent through the wall, considering how much of a hit that had been.

For a moment, everything was still, and she wondered if he was dead. Served him right.

But then there was movement as he pulled himself to his feet, not as shakily as she'd been expecting, either. Drawing himself up to his full height – he was a fair bit taller than her, it seemed – he spat out a mouthful of blood onto the floor before wiping his mouth with his sleeve and facing his opponent.

"You hit like a girl," he drawled, extending an arm in an obvious 'come' gesture. "Is this the extent of the diez's powers?" His jeers were interrupted by a roar from the giant, who was apparently an Espada, and a punch, which he just barely evaded. The monster pulled back his arm for another hit and the blond's body tensed slightly, preparing to spring out of the way again, Apacci assumed.

"Yammy." The monotonous voice cut through the atmosphere like a knife and the diez's arm lowered to his side, the giant looking over his shoulder at the tiny white-skinned arrancar that had just appeared. "We have a mission. Come."

"Once I've killed this one, Ulquiorra," Yammy retorted, his arm once again rising. He was interrupted by the white arrancar.

"There is no need to waste your strength on trash of that calibre," he droned, turning and walking away. "Come."

Apacci was surprised when Yammy obeyed, shuffling away without a backwards glance at the blond, who still had that cocky grin etched firmly on his face as he watched the retreating back.

"Dammit," an arrancar near her muttered quietly. "It was good watching that bastard getting beat up for a change." Other quiet voices agreed, never above a murmur. Apacci wasn't sure which of the battling arrancar they were talking about, until she noticed that the blond was suddenly standing behind the first one to speak, a cero charging in the hand pressed to the arrancar's back.

"If you wanted to see me getting beat up, you should have trained until you could do it yourself, bro," he taunted, although the look in his eyes was slightly more serious than the tone. "Too late now, though." The cero released, obliterating the arrancar with minimal effort, but maximum mess.

Apacci had seen enough, and was beginning to walk away, accompanied by the other females, when the blond appeared in front of them.

"You lot are new, sisters," he said with a grin. "Haven't seen you before. I'd remember such pretty faces." Apacci didn't know if she was imagining that he looked at her a bit more than the others, but that didn't matter. This guy was getting on her nerves, and her leg struck out, determined to kick that smug smile straight off his face.

He caught her ankle without any visible effort at all and she felt like screaming in frustration, before one hand tried to punch him. He caught that too. Now she knew she had his undivided attention. His crimson eyes were fixed on her. Not liking it, she sent her other fist flying towards his face, just as a bellow made itself known.

"Yylfordt!"

The blond dropped her ankle and caught her fist instead as she staggered slightly.

"I guess that's my cue to go," he said nonchalantly, that smirk still on his face. "You'll have to beat me up some other time, sis." He leaned in slightly and winked, his face almost split in half by his grin, before disappearing.

She was frozen for just a moment before her face flushed in anger and she began to yell profanities in the vague direction he'd disappeared. She hadn't even been an arrancar a day and already she'd found someone she wanted very, very dead.

The next time she saw him was several days later. She was still wandering the vastness that was Las Noches, learning her way around, when she saw him leaning nonchalantly against the wall. From the way he was looking at her, it was almost as if he had been waiting for her.

Well, fine. If he wanted to die so much, she'd oblige. There was no waiting around to greet him – she stormed straight up to him, her fist headed for his face while her leg came up to kick his chest in.

Just like last time, he caught both attacks, seemingly unaffected in the slightest, which irritated her. He wasn't an Espada, she knew that much about him, so he couldn't be much different in power to her.

"Slow down, sis," he laughed, letting her leg go but not her wrist. "I don't even know your name yet!" She scowled, debating whether this low-life really deserved to know her name. While she pondered she watched him closely. He wasn't covered in blood this time, and his uniform was spotless. Clearly he was recovered from whatever damage he'd taken from the diez's attacks.

"Apacci," she finally conceded, although accompanied the answer with a knee towards his groin. His hand once again got in the way, to her extreme frustration.

"Yylfordt," he replied. She'd guessed that already. "Nice to meet you, sis." She tugged her wrist back before aiming another punch at his nose. He knew her name now – he could bloody well use it!

He caught her fist again, before glancing to one side. She wasn't falling for that trick, even if he even schooled his face into a different expression – a mixture of exasperation and sulkiness – and kicked him.

Her foot met air as he suddenly appeared behind her.

"Gotta go, sis," he said, almost sounding apologetic. "Later, Apacci."

By the time she realised he'd actually used her name, he was gone. With a huff, she stalked off back to Harribel-sama's palace.

"If you walk around with that scowl on your face all the time, you'll get stuck that way," Sung-sun murmured airily as she returned, and her frown deepened.

"Shut up, snake-bitch!" she snapped.

"She's not like that all the time," Mila Rose piped up, her arms crossed under her breasts. "I bet a certain blond arrancar's got under her skin again."

"He has not!" Apacci barked, fuming. Yylfordt had not got under her skin. Not at all. He was just an arrogant, smirking good for nothing with an aptitude for running away when it suited him. "Bloody coward," she grumbled under her breath.

Chuckles told her that both her companions had heard her, and she stomped back to her room. She'd beat him. That would show them all.

The next time she saw him, it was somewhere she had never expected to, although in hindsight it was probably obvious.

Aizen-sama had called a meeting. That was not unusual – Harribel-sama appeared to spend much of her time secluded away with the rest of the Espada in conference with their shinigami leaders. What was unusual was that this time, the gathering was also extended to fracciónes. She and the girls proudly followed their leader into the large room, standing behind her as she perched on an outcrop that served the female as a seat.

Looking around, she took in her fellow arrancar. There was Yammy, and Ulquiorra, and the other arrancar she had come to know as the Espada – Starrk, asleep in the corner, Barragan on his throne of bones and surrounded by his personal miniature army, Nnoitra with his silent fracción standing to attention behind him, Zommari and Aaroniero both silent and alone, and the pink-haired freak known as Szayelaporro she had heard very quickly to stay away from. They were waiting for one last Espada, it appeared.

The door slammed open with far more force than necessary, and the violent, destructive and abrupt Espada she disliked almost as much as Yylfordt stormed in, hands shoved deep in his pockets and a scowl on his face. She didn't like him; even when he scowled, his eyes still held a predatory gleam that sent a shiver down her spine.

What she liked even less was his posse behind him. She hadn't known he had fracciónes – the way he acted, she didn't think any would survive – but he was trailed by five arrancar, making his fracción army the second largest present. Her eyes followed one of the five, narrowed in distaste as Grimmjow sat on his perch, most of his fracciónes gathering behind him, either standing or in a crouch. All except one, as Yylfordt nonchalantly joined his master on the perch, the only non-Espada to dare to sit.

No-one commented on it, although out of the corner of her eye she saw Szayelaporro's eyes change as they met with the crimson ones belonging to her nemesis. Something like annoyance, she thought, while Yylfordt's eyes held clear amusement, and even a challenge. Interesting.

She hated him even more.

Aizen-sama arrived, his timing so perfectly after Grimmjow's arrival that she knew it was no coincidence. His eyes passed over them all, not even giving Yylfordt's blasé position a second glance before he began to talk.

The meeting passed without much incident, if she ignored Grimmjow's interruptions at everything he didn't agree with, which was a lot. She was amazed that Aizen-sama let him get away with so much, when no-one else dared even breathe loudly during the meeting. Even Yylfordt wasn't that stupid, although now she saw where his suicidal attitude came from. Like master, like fracción. If she ever resembled Harribel-sama so much, she'd be honoured. Then again, her mistress was a far better role model than Grimmjow.

Leaving the meeting room, she found him blocking her way in the corridor. Well, he was slouching against the wall, with his master and other fracciónes a short way away, but she had to walk past him. So he was blocking her way. Especially when he greeted her with a smirk, and called her 'sis' again.

He was just begging to be kicked, so she obliged, only to snarl in frustration as he caught her attack. There was no way he was stronger than her. He had to have some trick up his sleeve. She reclaimed her leg as she punched his face, only for that to be caught as well.

"Move out of the way," a smooth, yet irritated voice, ordered, and she looked over her shoulder to see Szayelaporro there, who brushed past the two of them and continued on his way. "As entertaining as this must be, I have no wish to watch a bull-headed idiot get beaten by a woman."

"Love you, too, lil bro," Yylfordt retorted at the retreating back. A gloved hand waved disdainfully at him as Szayelaporro turned a corner.

"Don't come crying to me when you lose, aniki," floated back at them, and Yylfordt chuckled.

Apacci was confused, but filed that away later to think about when there wasn't an annoying blond in her face. Only one thing was important from the octava's little interjection, and that was that she was going to win. An Espada knew she could beat the hell out of this blond jerk, and she was going to prove him right.

She ignored the part of her brain, which sounded suspiciously like the observing Sung-sun, that said he had not been serious and was just using her as a verbal barb against the blond. She was not another arrancar's weapon!

He still had hold of her fist, so she threw the other one, accompanied by a kick. He only had two hands, and if he let go of her fist that would hit him, too. She had him cornered.

His head tilted to the side and her fist buried itself in the wall where it had been, catching some of his hair in the process, as he caught her leg. He smirked at her triumphantly.

"What now, sis?" he gloated. "Szayelaporro always talks nonsense, by the way." She glowered at him. She was going to wipe that smug look right off his face!

The question was, how? Whatever trick it was he used. It blocked everything she threw at him.

She took another look at his smirking face, as he opened his mouth to no doubt say some other degenerate thing she didn't want to hear. She really didn't want to hear it, and had a flash of inspiration.

She crashed her lips against his, and it was her turn to smirk as she felt him gasp, his hold on her wrist slackening. He hadn't anticipated that.

Tempting as it was to use the distraction to beat him to a pulp, it was more satisfying to just back up and walk away, not looking at him. Well, she snuck a glance out of the corner of her eye and saw his cheeks were more flushed than usual, but that was it and she was careful not to let anyone notice as she strode off, head high and satisfied smirk on her face.

As she and the girls left, turning the same corner Szayelaporro had earlier, she heard raucous laughter.

"She got you there, Yylfordt!"

She didn't see him again for a week, but when she finally found him in the corridor, the confidence he exuded didn't seem quite so sure of itself.

Apacci, on the other hand, was very sure of herself. With the help of a few quiet words from Harribel-sama – not the girls, who thought she was being stupid in what she believed was their first ever agreement – she had thought very carefully about her relationship with the blond. Harribel-sama was of the opinion that the blond had been flirting the whole time, and backed up her point with his lack of complaint about the kiss.

For her part, Apacci was forced to accept that she had been obsessing about him a lot, even if it was all negative. Again, Harribel-sama had had an opinion, which was that she was protesting too much.

Well, either way, the kiss had been a good one, so she strode over to him, watching him tense as his eyes flicked over her body in an attempt to work out what she was about to do.

Despite his preparations, he still clearly hadn't considered a second kiss possible as she caught his collar with both hands and slammed him against the wall for a repeat. He didn't respond this time, either, although he was watching her curiously as she pulled away, not letting go of his collar this time.

"What are you trying to start, Apacci?" he asked her, his tone as serious as she'd ever heard it. "If you're not, walk away now."

Apacci didn't know what she was trying to start, except it seemed like it would involve seeing the blond a lot more often. His head was getting closer to hers again and she made a snap decision, pulling him across the small gap and kissing him again.

This time he responded, and she decided that this was the right decision. Harribel-sama had been right. Then again, she usually was.

From then on, she saw a lot more of Yylfordt Granz – she finally found out his last name, and it confirmed what his interaction with Szayelaporro had hinted although she had been surprised to discover he was the oldest – and didn't regret it at all. His attitude had a certain charm to it, when viewed correctly, and his grin was actually quite alluring.

And, of course, his kisses were fantastic.

Some months later, she wandered over to their usual meeting place, wanting to know what was going on. He had disappeared not long after Ulquiorra and Yammy's report on the substitute shinigami, and she wasn't happy. Still, he would reappear soon. He always did. He'd probably just been sent out recruiting, or his brother had demanded his presence in his lab, as had been becoming rather frequent ("It's fine, he just wants to check some things"). He'd be back soon.

She waited for hours, tapping her foot to measure the time. Sometimes he took a while. Sometimes.

"All arrancar are to report to the meeting hall." Aaroniero's annoying broadcast cut through her musings and she scowled, but moved. At least Yylfordt would be there.

It was a short meeting, and Yylfordt wasn't there.

He'd never be there again.

[thedcdunce]

Blue Beetle

“I got magic armor, dunno how it works. Got a magic rock inside my body, can't get it out, Went into outer space n' helped them, but now the superheroes hate me, gonna kill me, I'm the Blue Beetle.” - Blue Beetle

Real Name: Jaime Reyes

Gender: Male

Height: 5′ 8″

Weight: 145 lbs (66 kg)

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Black

Equipment:

Blue Beetle Scarab

Universe: New Earth

Base of Operations: El Paso, Texas

Citizenship: American

Parents: 

Alberto Reyes; father

Bianca Reyes; mother

Marital Status: Single

Occupation: 

Adventurer

Student

First Appearance: Infinite Crisis #3 (February, 2006)

Last Appearance: Teen Titans Vol 3 #100 (October, 2011)

Equipment

Blue Beetle Scarab: Presently bonded to Jaime's spine, this symbiosis gives Jaime access to the Scarab's powers whenever he chooses. The Scarab can, and will, use its powers of its own accord; Jaime, however, can override the Scarab if need be. Should Jaime fall prey to a mind-altering power, the Scarab will take control of the armor.

History

Jaime Reyes was the third Blue Beetle, a member of the Teen Titans.

Origin

Jaime Reyes was a relatively normal high school student from El Paso, Texas. His father ran a garage, his mother was a paramedic, and his little sister was a brat. Jaime hung out with his two best friends Brenda and Paco, the mediator between the hard-working Brenda and the laid-back Paco. By both Brenda and Paco's accounts, he was a good friend, the kind of person who could let them be themselves, and who could always make things better. Jaime aimed to help his father out at the garage, but Alberto turned him down, not wanting to see his son grow up too fast.

Everything fell apart with the onset of the Infinite Crisis.

The Blue Beetle Scarab

Some while before, Ted Kord, the second Blue Beetle, had come into possession of the Blue Beetle Scarab, the artifact which had given Dan Garrett, the first Blue Beetle, his powers. The Scarab had been presumed destroyed early in Ted's superhero career, but it was discovered intact in a pyramid in the Middle East. Ted lost the Scarab on a visit to the Rock of Eternity, home of the wizard Shazam. Shortly afterwards, he met his death at the hands of Maxwell Lord, Black King of Checkmate.

The Rock of Eternity was later destroyed in mystical battle between Shazam and the Spectre, its contents blasted across the world. The Blue Beetle Scarab came down in El Paso, fire and portent in its wake.

Jaime discovered the Scarab on the way home from school with Paco and Brenda, half-buried in a disused lot. He took it home, curious as to what it might be. That night, the Scarab came alive, and grafted itself to the base of Jaime's spine, inducing strange dreams in Jaime.

He also got into trouble with a local gang of magic meta humans called the Posse. Mistaking him for a magic meta human, they attempted to magically scan him and invite him to join. Jaime declined the offer, while the Scarab had no intention of being scanned, and it almost killed Probe. It easily bested the rest of the Posse.

The next night Booster Gold sought Jaime out, and took him to meet Batman. Booster had been to the future, where he had learned that Batman would seek out Brother Eye and fail - but he had also learned the Blue Beetle Scarab was the one thing capable of seeing Brother Eye.

Jaime went into space with Batman and his team. The Scarab saw where Brother Eye was hidden, and pulled the rogue satellite back into reality. Jaime, together with Black Canary and Green Arrow, destroyed Brother Eye's dimensional stabilizer, preventing it from escaping outside reality again. Once Batman's team had sent Eye plummeting Earthwards, the Scarab shunted Jaime outside dimensions itself, seeking to escape the Green Lanterns on the spaceship.

Unfortunately, the chaos of the dimensional stabilizer's destruction dilated time for Jaime. As far as he knew, he had only been outside dimensions a couple of minutes; on Earth, however, a whole year had passed.

One Year Later

The next thing Jaime remembered, he had come down in the desert outside El Paso, and Guy Gardner was trying to kill him. Once Guy realized he was fighting a kid, he broke off the fight, but not without promising Jaime he would be back.

Jaime eventually managed to find his way back home, only to discover his year-long absence. In that time, his father had been crippled, forcing him to walk with a cane, Paco had teamed up with the Posse, and Brenda had been taken in by her aunt after her abusive father died in a DUI. He revealed his identity as the Blue Beetle to both his his family and his two friends; while his father and friends were understanding, his mother became suspicious and disbelieving that he was really Jaime, and his sister Milagro became terrified of him. It wasn't until Jaime returned to the scene of his rearrival and recalled the memories of what had happened that the two finally reconnected with and accepted him.

Jaime's attempts to learn more about the Scarab led him to the Posse - and involved him in their conflict with El Paso's resident crimelord, La Dama, as she sought to bring the magical metas of El Paso under her control.

Her henchman Diviner even got so far in manipulating The Bottom Feeder to abduct the baby daughter of the Posse leader Damper, Alina Jaime fought to save the baby, discovering he could permanently slay the Bottom Feeder but despite of the Bottom Feeders own wishes he refused as Jaime was not a murderer.

After that, Jaime and the Posse launched a raid on Warehouse 13 where La Dama was holding her collection of magic-metas, only to find most of them were happy where they were. However, the Posse managed to convince a good half of them that they could return to their ordinary lives, promising the Blue Beetle would defend them. La Dama had no choice but to accept this, or risk facing her guests' "objections." Jaime and La Dama made a reluctant truce - both knew the other's secret identity, and could make it public whenever they chose.

Jaime initially believed the Scarab was a mystical artifact, up until Peacemaker arrived, revealing that it was a piece of extraterrestrial technology. Jaime's search for more information took him back to where he had crash landed in the desert, in an attempt to find out about his missing year. He then headed out on Dan Garrett's trail, looking to find out what the first Blue Beetle had known about the Scarab.

The Reach

The current Dan Garret was the original Blue Beetles granddaughter and claimed she had the right of the scarab, but since it was stuck to Jaime's spine she let it go.

However, it was Jaime's investigation into a cattle mutilation outside El Paso that would provide his biggest lead on the Scarab. His confrontation with the monstrous creation responsible led him to the Reach, the alien civilization who had created the Scarab and left it on Earth.

Jaime discovered that the Reach were galactic conquerors, who planned to add Earth to their list of conquests. Initially, the Scarab had been programmed to be obedient to the Reach, and to subordinate its host's will to them as well. The Reach had intended to present the Scarab's host as Earth's protector, before moving to establish their influence over the planet.

However, during the centuries the Scarab had spent on Earth, it had been infused with magic, the magical "corruption" preventing the Reach from controlling it. With Jaime's assistance, it had started to develop free will and independence, overriding the Reach's deepest programming.

Nevertheless, the Reach still intended to take over the planet, even without the Scarab to help them. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, the Reach were peaceful "galactic traders." Their secret bases and technology were hidden away, out of phase with the rest of the world, and Jaime was the only one who could see them.

Seeing Jaime and the Scarab as the biggest threat to their plans, the Reach attempted to eliminate them through the use of deniable agents, including Earth's supervillains. Jaime, meanwhile, tried to find out what the Reach were up to, and how he could stop them.

Worried that the Scarab might still be a threat, Jaime sought help from the local branch of S.T.A.R. Labs. An encounter with Livewire, who was being assessed there at the time, triggered a strange reaction in both Livewire and the Scarab, resulting in a fight. Superman put a halt to the battle, and helped to reassure Jaime about himself and the Scarab.

Jaime also assisted Traci Thirteen in foiling Eclipso's attempt to kidnap a baby with great magical potential and use it as a new, uncorrupted host. During the course of the adventure, Jaime and Traci developed a romantic interest in each other, and remained in long-distance contact after Eclipso' defeat.

When the Reach recruited Lobo to prevent the launch of a rocket containing anti-Reach technology, Jaime teamed up with the Teen Titans to make sure the rocket lifted off safely. Afterwards, the Titans invited Jaime to Titans Tower, so he could hang out with them, get training, and learn how to fight. Jaime took them up on the invitation - and found himself helping the Titans fight off their future incarnations, the Titans of Tomorrow.

Finally, Jaime and the Scarab managed to uncover the Reach's scheme and destroy it, but also ended up destroying any evidence of the scheme,

By this point, the Scarab had become an independent, free-willed entity in its own right, naming itself Khaji Da. Together, Jaime and the Scarab devised a plan to bring the Reach down before they tried conquering Earth again.

Jaime allowed himself to be captured by the Reach, giving the Scarab the chance to hack into the Reach's computers and broadcast their invasion plans worldwide. The Reach's Negotiator, driven to breaking point, ordered Earth's destruction - but again, Jaime and the Scarab intervened, stopping the world-rippers before they could be activated.

The Reach were forced to withdraw, claiming that the Negotiator had "gone rogue." The Scarab, however, had had a conversation with the other Scarabs onboard the Reach ship - a little surprise for the Reach.

Battle For The Border

Jaime is next seen with a man dog creature who was battling another man for the name Hell Hound. He tried to convince both of them to take other names and quit there fighting. The two did not and attacked Jaime. He quickly dispatched them both. Flying away he came to the border where Peacemaker was fighting a group of super powered criminals. When he arrived they took a hostage. Jaime had to call of Peacemaker to save her but the kidnapper threw her off the side of the cliff. Jaime saved her but the group had run away when he tried to use the Beetle to track them he found out there was to much interference. The girl he saved ended up needing a place to stay and ended up staying with Paco and his family.

Fun Facts

Jaime is Mexican-American; one of his grandmothers lives in Mexico City.

Jaime, or at least his family, is Christian; there is a picture of Jesus in the Reyes house, and Alberto makes mention of attending church.

One disturbing event in the Scarab's history suggests how alien the Scarab may be. During Ted Kord's time as Blue Beetle, the Scarab - or something using it - resurrected Dan Garrett, and the half-crazed Dan went on a rampage, searching for Ted. When Ted finally confronted Dan, the Scarab offered him its powers, claiming it needed a new host; Ted refused, and convinced Dan to break the Scarab's control over him, shattering the Scarab's physical form and sending Dan to his final rest.

Jaime's deepest desire is to be a dentist as revealed by Eclipso when she attempted to turn Jaime against Paco by using her powers to transform Jaime into his deepest darkest desires, expecting him to become a killing machine. This ends up working against her as Paco slaps Jaime down with a large stick and defeats him with ease.

[ryouverua]

Trial 6 - Flashfiction (4)

FLIP THAT CHESSBOARD, SWEETCHEEKS!

Trial: 1 / 2 / 3

it’s what kokichi would have wanted

DRV3 HOW DARE YOU HOLD OUT ON THE CUTEST DAMN TSUMUGI SPRITE OF THE ENTIRE GAME

how can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real

And we found it in Kokichi’s lab of all places. Why? Had he been able to get access to it ater all? Why was it just lying there so awkwardly - not hidden or neatly put away at all, but just tossed on the floor like an afterthought?

...... thinks about the state of Kokichi’s dorm room

yeah the chance that he left it on the floor like a bored 12 year old or me is not 0%

Wait.... is there??? The only one that stands out to me is the method of applying vs being scouted...

So we go over the events again, or as the game would probably put it, comb over The Longest, Most Ridiculous, Most Despairing Backstory to look for discrepancies.

Don’t look so pleased with yourself!

YES THANK YOU SHUICHI THANK YOU FOR STOPPING HER BEFORE SHE GOT STARTED AGAIN

It.... it doesn’t???

as;dflksdjf

U-Uuuuh Monokuma??? Are you just allowed to namedrop the title like that???

A-Anyway, this one was sort of vague - not sure if the game did too good a job of hiding it or not, but I certainly didn’t clue into this immediately because, well, I’d argue that Junko was ultimately the cause of this? And she was the original Ultimate Despair, even if Mukuro got roped into it with her? This felt a bit like being at a multiple choice exam where there are a few answers that are sort of right but not exactly right and then I cry

AND MUKURO!!! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS MUKURO ERASURE, DAMN IT!!! can you tell she was one of my favourites in the first game if not my favourite

“And that’s why, even though you are technically right, you are also wrong, and therefore will not get any points for your answer to this question.” sweetcheeks you sonuvab -

despite the mukuro erasure, consider me team maki

“Can it, nerd.”

It would have been really nice to have Maki in the first game.

We really are going over this piece by piece.

Okay, so now we’re reviewing the first game. They were forced to kill each other, then Junko was found out and killed herself in the end, which led to the eventual end of the Despair side....

Shuichi is clearly onto something that I haven’t quite latched onto yet. 8′D

This makes me think of how cool it would have been to have this text style in the previous games. Have I mentioned enough about how much I like the typography in drv3? Because I don’t know if that’s possible.

OOOH that’s right - I forgot! Or, well, I didn’t forget, but it didn’t really occur to me that we were remembering that they were literally trapped in the school by Ultimate Despair, I guess.

I guess the gist of it is that they’re remembering - well, not witnessing the events, but being told things were one way vs another. They would have been too young to have been alive at the time though, right? It seems to me that, though the game clearly wants us to take it a different way, we can also interpret this as them just being told the wrong thing within the memories themselves as opposed to the actual memories being entirely falsified. What if the reports at the time or the commonly-known story was that they had been locked in by Ultimate Despair, and it’s only the properly researched books like this that have the correct accounts? It’s not exactly an uncommon phenomenon for there to be widely-held mistaken knowledge/generalizations of famous events, unfortunately... 8′D

Anyway, I’m getting distracted because like I said, this is really not the angle the game is going with at all.

BULLSHIT

AND ALSO

WHY WOULD A BOOK EXIST THAT DIRECTLY CONTRADICTS THE MEMORIES YOU GAVE THEM

LIKE

WHY DOES IT EVEN EXIST IN THIS PLACE AT ALL

I’m seriously fixated on this book!

also

I love Shuichi just casually ignoring Junko!Tsumugi lmao

I’m calling her Junko!Tsumugi I refuse to call her Tsumugi!Junko I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON TSUMUGI’S AUTONOMY

This.... this one has to be it, right? This was the one thing I remember getting really confused by when they talked about applying! In fact, I had thought the whole reason Shuichi was considered the Ultimate Detective was because of the homicide case and if that resulted in him being at Hope’s Peak, it was because word of that had traveled - but then if it was an application, that means either his parents or his uncle would have applied on his behalf, right?

this was a detail I remember remarking on and loving btw I got really sad when in Chapter 5 it started looking like they were all in the same class

I think more than the others, this is the big one. All that other stuff can be attributed to mistaken hearsay - but this? This is something they would have ‘directly experienced’.

Oh apparently he chose to come... despite feeling awkward about his title.

I wonder if he was pressured into it by his family....?

Or, uh. Let me correct myself. I wonder if, in this mistaken memory, he remembers being pressured into it by his family?

I-I feel like I would trust the book over you guys especially considering the whole ‘we remembered Kokichi Ouma as a Remnant of Despair and got him killed as the fake mastermind’ situation tbh.

well technically ultra despair girls is

That is a good point. I mean, it could quite possibly happen underground, but I suppose the same could be said of the Jabberwock Island one - there’s no reason that should be public knowledge.

“I mean, I know it’s nothing new, but bear with me here.”

H A L L E L U J A H

REALLY

REALLY

MAKI, REALLY

YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW BETTER

FUFCKFUCKING HELL GUYS YOU’RE KILLING ME HERE

sdfkdslfj fukging

noOOONONO

aND YOU! YOU SHUT UP TOO!!!!

“Also have you seen their outfits? Do you realize how terribly they would clash? ‘Oh Saihara, why would that matter what do uniforms have to do with anything surely Kokichi and his uniformed clown posse could just be a branch under the Remnants’ NO THAT WILL NOT FLY WHEN THE HEAD OF THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION LITERALLY DOUBLES AS THE ULTIMATE FASHIONISTA!!!”

this level of reasoning is possible for saihara shuichi

.... what do you think, everyone?

And he still has the Supreme Leader title, even if these aren’t really their talents... there has to be something to that, right?

Shu -

Shuichi

The words DICE were written in big words over his giant hella awesome throne

He has a checkered scarf which brings about a certain ‘game’ feeling

he literally challenged you to card games

I’m.... I’m just gonna throw it out there, but there’s a pretty good chance the group he led was called ‘DICE’.

YOU SAW THE VIDEO YOU SAW IT DAMN YOU MAKI I KNOW YOU’RE BETTER THAN THIS YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THIS!!!!

“Maki also said he literally said he didn’t know what she was talking about when she interrogated him with a crossbow literally aimed directly at him but surely that’s unrelated -”

s o b s

I 100% bet Tsumugi was not counting on them finding this room. So.... beginning the trial, she tried to do a Kaede/Kaede’s twin mastermind thing. Then she switched tactics to being solely ‘Junko’ and her lackey Kokichi setting up the game with the last survivors of humanity as... revenge for Hope’s Peak, I guess? Or something.

So where are we going from here? Are we about to discover this was all a simulated scenario then?

Sort of like they’re trying to test different outcomes and scenarios - with different talents, maybe? Is there the selected 16 (15? 14?) talents that can be switched around at will, or is there a larger database of students’ talents? That’s what I really want to know.

But “there are an endless possibilities for lies,” a certain person may say.

why are you all ganging up on me also how when two of you are literally the same person and the other one is an AI acting as an extension of you -

It sort of hit me but this is a weird echo of Korekiyo’s trial, with Junko and Tsumugi switching back and forth with each other the way Korekiyo and his sister did. I wonder if there’s something to that, or if it says something about Tsumugi in general...

(one hangman’s gambit later...)

TALENTS ARE NOT THEIRS AND POSSIBLY ARBITRARY CONFIRMED

I WOULD KILL FOR KOKICHI TO POP OUT OF THE GRAVE TO SHOUT IT’S A LIE RIGHT NOW

FUCK YOU BEAR

ghggkhgkh

that is a dangerous precedent to set

But you weren’t planning on revealing this, right??? Right???? Your hand was totally forced! Don’t play this off like it wasn’t!

I swear I had a similar idea when I was coming up with how they could see themselves in photos/pictures if the students weren’t actually who they thought they were - about how their brain filled in the gaps and placed their own faces where they’d expect to see them (like in the funeral scene with the portraits, etc). Glad to know I was kinda right on that regard!

I really like it when they combine Junko and Tsumugi here. There’s probably something to that - when it’s Tsumugi herself acting as the mastermind, as opposed to just being ‘Junko’.

T-Those are some pretty big inconsistencies though? Why would there be incorrect options in those flashback lights in the first place? What was there to gain for their being options where ‘Ultimate Despair trapped the first class in’ and ‘Junko is the end-all of Ultimate Despair’? At least Kokichi’s made sense to have on standby, but the other stuff? Isn’t their existence a bit weird?

It’s... nice to see Shuichi focusing on Kokichi. Being posthumous and all it’s a bit late, but it’s still nice - especially after all that talk of ‘not understanding him’ and ‘the embodiment of a lie’, having him finally clue in to Kokichi’s real place in all of this - a victim of the mastermind - is good. It’s the perfect example of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ and Kaito figured that out last chapter, so it’s long past due for Shuichi to drag himself and everyone else to that conclusion, kicking and screaming if he must.

(he was jealous of Angie)

because he was trying to stop the game!!!!!

Which, honestly, was pretty clever on her part. I think overall Kokichi will come out of this looking the best - he had so little going for him and almost succeeded in his coup - but the fact that Tsumugi was able to counter his surprise attack still says a lot about her own intelligence and her ability to adapt, because in that moment she also had limited options.

THANK

YOU

LORD

WE HAVE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO SAY FAREWELL TO REMNANT!OUMA THEORY

REST IN PIECES AND NEVER COME BACK

Pretty damn successfully, too.

While the fact that her first inclination was to straight-up murder Kokichi was very Not Good, it’s at least good to know that it took the extra nudge of the flashback lights to push her over the precipice. Basically, it took turning Kokichi into a complete monster in her eyes - Despair with a capital D - to strip away his humanity entirely. I do wonder if she still would’ve staged a rescue mission of sorts to rescue Kaito? For that matter, I wonder if Kaito had been on the outside (with the Flashback Light used on him and everything) and it was someone else being held hostage like Shuichi, would he have been able to talk Maki down?

It’s interesting how they’re turning hope itself into a weapon here. I think Junko talked about this in the first game, the idea of giving hope out to maximize despair, so it’s not the first time the mastermind has actively used hope as a weapon - but it’s never felt quite as dirty as it does here.

!!! We’re seeing her as herself in the room!!! I guess it’s the flashback light classroom, but still!

That is so unfair considering they were all being threatened with death, you were straight up messing with their brains and also that airlock exists??? And they straight-up collapsed after being exposed to the outside??? I’m 

I think Shuichi managed to break away from that a bit at the end... maybe. He seems more motivated by righting the wrong in Kaede’s case at this point, and of avenging everyone who died - but the same can’t be said of the others.

Man I even wondered what it would be like without Kaito and Kokichi there considering they’ve been the strongest ‘movers’ on both sides - and the answer ended up being ‘I’ll give you artificial motivation to act’.

SHE’S.... REALLY A KILLING GAME FAN GIRL AFTER ALL..........

Oh, this does feel dirty. She’s lusting after them in an abstract way - like pieces on a chessboard. Kokichi was able to compartmentalize and make people take certain actions to an extent, but even he had attachments that he wasn’t able to shake. I knew it felt like she had managed to keep herself from getting too close to them, with the sole exception of the protectiveness she felt for Gonta (which?? I want to know if we’ll hear anything about that specifically???) but this is... wow.

Actually, this is very Komaeda-esque isn’t it? She wants to see them succeed in their battles against each other in a similar way...

Junko only gets that look when she’s actually mad. So if Tsumugi is sporting that... well, she must be smarting a bit underneath all the gloating she’s doing. She was happily spouting off ‘hints’ before, right?

Oh??

me too tbh

OH THE TURNABOUT MUSIC IS HERE

THAT TRANSITION WAS SO GOOD AND SMART WHAT A GREAT WAY TO USE THE PORTRAIT STAND

oooh! OOOOH! OH WHAT A FANTASTIC POINT!

SHUICHI MY BOY YOU’RE ON A ROLL NOW! GET HYPED GET HYPED GET HYP -

AAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hajimemed

[sebeth]

Injustice #4

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

 Injustice: Gods Among Us # 4 by Tom Taylor.

 Dick and Damian spar in the Batcave. Dick critiques Damian: “You keep aiming for that killing blow, you’re trying to hurt me, which I’m trying not to take personally by the way, but it’s not all about the body and head. Your opponent has sticky -outy bits that are easier to reach. Not only does your opponent have sticky-outy bits, they may also have had some bad circumstances that led them to a point where you’re fighting them. Some criminals deserve a second chance. Second chances are harder with a severe brain injury.”

An angered Damian hurls an escrima stick at Dick’s head, which is caught by the newly-arrived Superman.

“That’s not very sporting, Damian.”

Dick assures Clark: “It’s okay, Superman. I knew it was coming. He tries it all the time.”

The opening scene is foreshadowing for later events in the series. Damion’s routine hissy fit with the escrima sticks will end up having severe consequences.

Events before the beginning of the series in this universe are rather vague. We don’t know the circumstances of Damian’s introduction to the Bat Family. I would assume it’s similar to the mainstream universe. Damian appears older than 10, possibly in the 13-14 years old range.

Tim became Red Robin in this universe but we aren’t given details. Did Final Crisis happen? Was Bruce lost in time and presumed dead? Or is Dick’s mentorship of Damian similar to the animated movies?

Superman is at the cave to speak to Bruce. Damian says Bruce is “broodier than usual.”

Damian thanks Clark for killing the Joker: “Not that the Joker’s gone, everything just feels safer, you know?

Dick asks Clark if he’s okay. Clark says he’ll manage.

Clark demands to know where Bruce was when Ma & Pa Kent were kidnapped.

Bruce tells Clark that he has to “stop what you’re doing”.

“I have to stop what? Stop saving lives? Stop bringing dictators to justice?”

“You’re scaring them.”

“They should be scared. They should be too scared to press the button. They should be too scared to pull the trigger. They should be too scared to hurt each other. You taught me that. You’d do exactly what I’m doing if you were me, if you could do what I can.”

“You killed a man, Clark.”

“I did. And every time you let that madman live, how many more did you condemn? Did you even feel responsible? Did you even feel guilty?”

“Every time. But we don’t get to choose who dies.”

“One death. To save millions.”

“One. Death.”

“It always starts with one. That’s how justification works. But once you justify something once, you can do it again and again. It becomes easier. Right and wrong blur.”

I find myself on both sides of their argument. Bruce is absolutely correct on the slippery side nature of taking the law in your own hands. Superman and company have no right to run the world. On the other hand, killing the Joker is something that should have been done years ago. The Joker’s body count is in the hundreds if not more. There is no hope of redemption for him – and even if he suddenly regretted all of his previous actions, there is no way to atone for his scale of murder. And this is before the Metropolis massacre. The Joker – and Harley’s – death toll is now in the millions!

A Japanese fleet harpoons whales in the ocean only to encounter a very angry Aquaman.

Aquaman sinks the ship causing the Justice League to respond.

Diana urges Arthur to withdraw. Arthur refuses – the ocean is his kingdom and he will protect it as he sees fit.

A worried Atlantean soldier blasts Diana, starting an Altantean-Justice League brawl.

We return to the Batcave where Clark accuses Bruce of loving the Joker: “You’re not sitting in the dark mourning Metropolis, are you? You’re mourning him. You’re angry at me for taking the Joker away from you. You loved having him around. Your constant nemesis. The two of you played your stupid game and people died. Why did you let him do this to me, Bruce?”

While the suggestion of a Bruce/Joker love match is disgusting, Bruce should have ended the Joker years ago. Honestly, the Joker should have been killed – and left dead – in the Death of the Family storyline.  After the paralyzing Babs/murdering Jason combo act, the only thing the writers seem to do with the Joker is have him commit yet another atrocity. Boring and redundant.

Clark continues his rant, bemoaning the loss of his wife an unborn child. Clark specifically mentions the loss of his unborn child denying the world of another Kryptonian, “someone who would have made me feel less alone.”

Maybe Clark should try being nicer to Conner!

Clark criticizes Bruce’s parenting skills: “You’re sitting in the dark, ignoring Dick and Damian. How many friends did they have in Metropolis? Have you consoled them? Have you held them? Your parents died and left you, Bruce. What’s your excuse for not being a father?”

I don’t know if the events of a future Injustice annual were planned out at this point but if they were, Clark’s speech is rather ballsy and hypocritical considering his treatment of the Titans in the aftermath of the destruction of Metropolis.

Did Clark ever consider Bruce is “sitting in the dark” at the Batcomputer because he’s searching for his missing son? The one Clark banished to the Phantom Zone?

Dick and Damian wouldn’t normally have “friends in Metropolis”. Jon was never born and Dick doesn’t hang around in Metropolis. Is Clark’s “friends in Metropolis” rant the first clue Bruce has regarding the whereabouts of the missing Tim and the Titans? Is that the reason Bruce punches Clark at the end of his speech?

Clark switches from angry to concerned in a second, examining Bruce’s hand. Normally, I’d say it’s a typical Clark move, but in the Injustice-verse it’s a sign of Clark’s growing instability.

The Batcomputer alerts the duo to the brawl in the Atlantic Ocean. Clark decides to head over there.

Bruce warns Clark: “You can’t yourself above us, Clark. You’re right. I’m not saying I’d act differently if I had your abilities. I’m not saying I wouldn’t try to impose peace but you…you’re a better man than I am.”

Not anymore, Bruce.

Alfred asks “Master Kent” if he’s staying for tea.

“I’m afraid not, Alfred. And you don’t have to call me ‘Master’”.

“Good. Let’s remember that.”

Alfred is not fond of Clark’s shenanigans.

Aquaman has summoned a creature so huge that its arrival causes a tsunami. That’s right, the Kraken has been unleashed.

Batman warns Aquaman via a communicator: “Listen to me. He’s coming. He’s in angry. He’s in pain. You’re hurting his friends. You need to stop or there’s no telling what he may do. Do as he says.”

Superman wants Arthur to withdraw the Kraken.

Arthur does after reminding Clark the League started the brawl. Which they did. Arthur attempted to calm the situation down after his soldier blasted Diana. Diana decided she was “tired of words” and started the rumble.

Arthur and Clark argue.

“I called for a worldwide ceasefire.”

“Even your voice does not reach down into the deep, Superman. If you wish to rule the surface world…”

“I do not seek to rule, only to protect.”

“I understand, with the destruction of Metropolis, you lost your kingdom. But you can’t have mine.”

“I do not want…”

“Superman, whether you see it or not, your reign is beginning. But the sea is mine alone to command.

The League realizes “Atlantean armies are rising in countries across the world.”

Superman: “Arthur, what is this?”

“A reminder. I am not some self-appointed leader of an insignificant country who can be bullied into submission. Every port. Every ship. Everything that flies over the oceans does so with my blessing. Your world would halt grind to a halt if I willed it. Every land mass borders the sea. Your entire world is inside mine. Consider this a show of strength. Now get the hell out of my ocean.”

Bruce fumes: “You idiot. He’s not going to respond to an ultimatum!”

Clark orders Diana, Hal, and Billy to accompany him: “Aquaman is using his strength. It’s time we showed him our strength. It’s time we showed everyone who would threaten the world just how much power they’re dealing with. No more holding back.”

The foursome then lift Atlantis out of the ocean and re-locate it into the middle of the Sahara desert.

That’s the show of strength? Lifting a city containing thousands of civilians, women and children, and putting it in the middle of an environment where they are unable to breathe or tolerate the extreme heat. Sounds more like a murder plan.

It should be noted the panels containing the “rising Atlantean armies” only showed the Atlanteans standing in formation on the coasts – not actually attacking.

I’m not defending Arthur – he, along with Clark and Diana, all acted like immature toddlers having a fit.

The forcible removal of Atlantis is where any remaining sympathy for Clark went out the window. He acted like a terrorist. A “proper show of strength” would have been engaging the Atlantean armies not threatening unarmed civilians. It boggles my mind that the rest of the Justice League has been fine with Clark’s actions.

Diana is clearly a more sinister version of herself in this universe. She’s been egging Clark on the entire team and she is the cause of the Atlantean confrontation.

Hal should know better – Sinestro was removed from the Green Lantern Corps because of Superman-like actions – but he’s shown bad judgement in the past so I could maybe see him siding with Clark. It’s still iffy as Hal hasn’t been traumatized by the destruction of Coast City in this universe.

Hawkgirl – well, if she’s “Hawkworld” version of Shayera then she would be comfortable in a military-run world

Raven – will be shown to have fallen under Trigon’s influence so she’s clearly fallen to the “dark side”

Cyborg, Captain Marvel, and Flash are simply too good/sweet to fall in line with the dictator posse. Boggles my mind to see the trio blindly following Clark and Diana’s orders.

Diana informs Clark that Arthur is ready to speak to him. Clark demurs, stating “I’ve achieved nothing by talking today.”

More like cowardly refusing to own up to his actions.

Arthur urges Diana to steer Clark “away from this course of action”, warning her that “you will have scared a lot of people today. Ordinary people who will not want gods and aliens telling them what they can and can’t do.”

Diana refuses as she believes “this course of action is what’s best for the world.”

Diana returns to Clark and informs him that Arthur “will pull his armies back into the ocean”.

Clark has Billy and Hal return Atlantis to the ocean, nothing “this action didn’t sit well with either of them.”

Diana tells Clark “Don’t worry about what they think. You did the right thing. You did what needed to be done.”

“So you’ve said.”

“I won’t let you doubt yourself.”

“What else?”

“What?”

“Surely Arthur had more to say.”

“No. Nothing.”

Diana omits Arthur’s concers and his expressed sympathies for the loss of Lois.

Diana is quite the sinister manipulator in this universe. She’s all but hurling Clark down the “slippery slope” of his actions.

It’s easy to see the reasons of Clark’s descent. He’s lost his wife, unborn child, and his entire city. He’s isolated his parents in a fortress instead of mourning with them. He has a fierce anger towards his best friend because of the Joker and is unwilling to listen to Bruce. Diana, his other best friend, is urging him to indulge in his worst impulses. And the rest of the Justice League – minus Arthur – is too cowardly to call him out.

Next issue: It gets worse. Of course, that could be the summary for every issue.

[lizwyn]

--Compañero--

A spanish word means comrade or associate

As we grow up and develop as an individual, we encounter not just a different obstacle, but we also meet people who will make a change and help you grow as an individual. Those people who we treasure and some of those are just temporary, and an open obstacle for us. They are not deserve to be with us in our long journey, for they are only mistake that we chose to love in the past. By those people, we learn a lesson and we also learn to forgive. But do not be discourage to open the door for others, who wants to be with you. For there is always a place for growth. Those poeple who have pure and lovely intentions, are like angel sent from above. And those people are our significant others.

One of our significant other is our parents, they are the one who mold and develop us as a person. They contribute a big part of our development and they guide us to the right path. They let us realize our own mistake for us to grow as an individual. They only want the best for us. My father died at my early age, growing without father is surely hard. But my mother never fails us to amaze. She may always at work but, she never forgets her responsibility as a mother, she always checks upon us, teach us for the things that we need to learn and give some advices in what we are experiencing as a growing teen. We never experience hunger and difficulties in our home. My mother is really special person whom I can always rely into. She helps me to become who I am today and she never fails to encourage us to explore new things, because those experiences can also mold us to be a better person. I cannot imagine myself on what I have become today if I don't have the guidance of my mother.

And also, one of relevant other is our siblings, who are the first people who we can rely on. They are our first friends and rivals for we live in the same roof. As for my stage, I am the only girl in the siblings. I have an older brother and a younger brother whom I can rely whenever I am in trouble. When i reach in my teen stage, my oldest brother help me more to understand the run of our society. He never fails to advise me in terms of a growing student, that i must not be discouraged by just failing some event in my life. He also helps me to gain the confidence that I loss when I fail my entrace exam in a certain university, he did not fail to always remember me that I shine differently and I can do all my dreams for i have the potentials in me. Those advices that help me to stand and continue my journey. Then my younger brother who always supports me to have the confident to show the beauty in me, that I must not be scared to face those circumstance for i can surpass because i have my own empowerment. Sometimes, we may argue for some problems but at the end of the day we know that we got the back of each other.

The teachers are our second mother, whom we live at school. I cannot forget my grade 10 adviser who encourage me to be a better me. Because of my grade 10 adviser, I develop some talents that i never expect that i possess. She let me trust her in developing those talents, for she knows that i have the potential to do those kind of things. Also, she always gives me advices on how to cope up those obtacles that i may face in my senior high school journey. She help me molds myself as a better individual. She never fails to advise that i can surpass those problems by having wise solutions. And whenever i have personal problem, she also encourages me to talk it over and i must not be wavered by those circumstance for I am a strong person. Ma'am Ailyn, help me explore the world of a student, she develops me to be this kind of student-leader.

I have bunch of friends who help me in different kind of problems that I face in my journey. I have this friend that I cannot forget in my whole life, because legitimately I am not productive and active student as I am today because of her. Gwen will be forever part of my student journey, she is the one who encourage me that I can be a honor student through hard work and full of diligence. She helps me through my difficulties in school and helps me to adjust by guiding me to a right path. She has given a big impact in my life, if not for her, I must say I am still one of those student who does not care to work harder for better future. Gwen let me see the true meaning of world if I will not take seriously my studies. And also Enrico, whom I can rely on not just in school works but also in my personal problems. Rico let me feel that I deserve to be love and care. He keeps me safe in my long journey; he is always there to check upon me. He molds me to think positively and never give up easily. My friends never fail to amaze and lecture me some lesson that I can face in the future.

The journey with my friends does not end there. I have three different squads whom change me as a person differently. I am super happy for I choose those kind of friends whom I can rely on my personal problems, school works, my safety and especially we have bunch of happy memories. They help me to show the real me and help me let out the talents that I posses. They never fail to encourage me to continue and never face the past mistakes but instead make those mistakes as an inspiration to work harder on my future. I cannot see myself without these people; i cannot imagine if i can pass through those obstacles without their guidance.

We may run to some people who are only temporary in our life, but at least, they bring a lesson that we cannot forget. With those, we learn, and we learn to forgive, enable to continue with a peaceful journey. And to our significant other who will never get tired to help us develop as an individual until we can fly high with our own wings. And also, be open minded for our mistake for we also make wrong decision that we cannot avoid in our life. Always have a place for growth and development and never forget those people who help you achieve for the growth that you aim. We are all friends, but we still not met some of them.

[makingoutinyour30s]

one part of me sighs, “boys are dumb.” another says, “this is really all about the bison.”

Oh hi, S!

I just want to take a moment to voice my anxiety now that I have finally made an appearance. I realize my first blog post better be really damn good.

S, I am not annoyed with you for how you are feeling. I feel a mess of emotions, most fueled by the love I feel for you and how much I want this to be easy, joyous, enriching, and simply happy for you. When things are harder than they should be my sister-feathers get ruffled. You are not wrong to sense that I am annoyed, though. My annoyances circle around me a bit like a swarm. Hard, at first, to find the center. But, as I’ve reflected on it the center isn’t you. It is, as you might expect, DD4. Perhaps even more accurately, my struggles in coming to a stable understanding of what is going on here.

I know that through this experience you have sometimes been less than vulnerable. Felt that you have been choosing to stay guarded when maybe, you know that you are more interested in engaging with life bravely and without walls up. However, like I said to you this morning, I have felt like you told him much more clearly than he has communicated to you that you like him. You have physically initiated. You have been cute and charming. You have been thoughtful about the experiences you’ve crafted to share with him. You have carved out space for him physically, emotionally, cognitively, and socially. You have explicitly said that YOU like HIM. While you have used strategies to avoid opening up in many ways, you have not filled your answers with vagaries when it comes to how you like him. My greatest unease comes from his employment of ambiguity in answers to questions that specifically place YOU as the subject. He is a smooth and thoughtful talker when it comes to topics where HE is the subject. I think I just want to see you at the center of his thinking. My own stuff with J made me realize that I am someone who can be spun around by smart people who know how to talk about feelings and desires but then exhibit behavior that feels incongruent. Some of what you’ve shared gives me that familiar feeling of being spun.

One can be spun by accident and one can be spun on purpose. We both tend towards giving people generous reads. Giving people the benefit of the doubt. Giving people space enough to fuck up with us without losing us. A new edge for me, a new skill I am learning now is to simply notice and then pay attention to an underdeveloped intuition. The feeling that something here is off. By no means do I think that things are over here. By no means do I think DD4 is a Bad Dude. I want you to engage hopefully. I want you to manifest exactly what you want and we have talked about how it is important to engage in interactions with the energy you wish to infuse them with and not out of places marked by fear and hesitation. During this time of confusion, I think my expressions of annoyance are my way of holding some of that for you. Holding some hesitation. My left eyebrow raised, firm gaze, eyes slightly narrowed, arms crossed, standing in front of my sister feeling a bit unimpressed by what sometimes looks like a very handsome but “dumb boy.” You just deserve more. That is all my annoyance is trying to communicate to me and to you.

Last night I had some friends over for dinner, drinks, games, and hangs. Near the end of the night, after you and me texted a bit, I filled them in on some of the latest happenings with DD4. They know a bit about what happened with OH and have asked about you from time to time. (You’ve got a little network of concerned strangers out here.) As I relayed the specifics and described the state of things (as of last night), they all effectively responded with “boy bye.” As you and I both tend to be more generous, I felt surprised by the firmness in their response. “Not worth it and this feels like game playing,” one said. “Boys are stupid but they are usually clearer than this,” another chimed in. Some unimpressed grimaces went around the room. But, I felt uneasy about this too. We are researchers right? I kept thinking, especially early on in getting to know someone, how on earth do you tell the difference between someone retreating and needing time to think and someone who is playing games? How can you differentiate between someone who is self-reflective and trying new and unfamiliar ways of being in the world (which would explain being clumsy in their execution) and someone who is manipulating things to keep them unclear? What is the right balance between being firm about what is right for you and being generous with others and allowing people to learn and grow and fumble things? How can we be advocates for ourselves while embracing that people are imperfect? I just do not have a good answer to this. And perhaps it is unknowable early on. I do feel like a detective, though, trying to suss that out.

My verdict is still out as to whether DD4 will or will not be capable of giving you that which you deserve. I have been playing a ton of basketball again, and I feel a bit like a coach, giving one last start to a player who has a ton of inherent potential but who has not been applying himself enough. A player who is not showing up for the team enough to go to the next level or in ways that I believe he is capable of showing up. I am waiting to see if DD4 can be a leader, a co-captain, and deserves to start more games—or if he’ll be moved to the second string (a friend), or ultimately benched (not even a friend). Right now, depending on his next moves, the generous part of me that feels right about accurately seeing his potential is willing to give him another start.  

As I was beginning to outline my thoughts, L was in the kitchen making us breakfast when she suddenly came into the living room. In her blue patterned robe, she walked in with conviction, and stopped just a few feet into the room. “It feels to me like S thinks she has something to prove and she doesn’t. Not to him.” I agreed. Then, “I had something else, but I forgot.” (She never remembered, by the way.) I jotted down the comment about proving something and smiled at how endearing I found her second comment. She turned and left, returned to making poached eggs. S, you don’t have anything to prove. Not to him. I think you had something to prove to yourself about vulnerability. About bravery. About not letting yourself down. Something about how you would push yourself to remain vulnerable and to engage with the world wholeheartedly despite the hurts you have suffered. Despite having spent time in Azkaban. Despite sometimes still shaving off old layers left behind by the time spent with OH.  

I have been talking a lot about feelings and vulnerability with a new important friend I met on that retreat I went to, which we all affectionately call “therapy camp.” (An experience I should tell you more about in its own post perhaps.) I shared with her, and I want to share with you this amazing supernatural “advice column.” It’s poetry, really. A poet channels Baba Yaga (my girl!) and offers profoundly beautiful perspective to people’s questions. All our talking about the feelings that have come up for you, about vulnerability, and about how you have handled everything life has thrown at you reminded me of this post:

When I stop investing time in thinking about DD4 and just think about you, my feelings change dramatically. And I want to tell you that I am so proud of you. Your friend joked, accurately, about how the Really Hard Time was akin to serving a sentence in Azkaban. But I don’t believe you were locked up in misery. Instead, I saw you walking, every day, towards the bison herd. OH’s actions affected you, but they did not imprison you. You never let them imprison you the way I let things with J imprison me for some time. Those experiences have not changed you and they have not damaged you into becoming some other person, some version of yourself that is forever changed or forever different. You never aimed to approach the bison as something to be killed and butchered. You also never tried to wall them in leaving them to fester and sicken. You are one of the bravest people I know.

I’ve been enjoying “bison” a lot. (Bison as emotions and bison as a visual to engaged with.) In a previous post you talked about the sensation of growing wings. Sometimes when I am feeling elated, so connected to the world or to people, or joyful about newly imagined futures in which I thrive, I imagine a posse of bison walking behind me. We stroll down the campus mall in harmony, enjoying the sun and the breezes. We listen to a new playlist I just started filled with music that make bison sway, and we radiate smiles and good vibes to those around us. You have been gentle and generous with your reads of DD4, I hope you give yourself the same courtesy when reflecting on any mistakes you may have made this round. May your bison give you a nod for the bravery you showed this weekend. May your bison give you a nod for the follow up text you sent to DD4. I’m proud of you for proving to yourself that you are capable of new ways of being vulnerable and ever more authentic ways of being in the world.

I read through a bunch of old posts before writing this one. Since the Really Hard Time, man has the sun ever come out. Some mornings maybe you still wake up to a cloudy day. Some experiences, like this confusion with DD4, bring some mist and fog rolling back in… but oh how the sun is shining on you dear sister, and it makes my heart happy.

Girl, when I see you in December, I am pretty sure it is going to feel like our bison are frolicking through downtown Chicago together. Not long now.

xo,

a.    

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Marlene

Ali: Hey babe, sorry I missed rehearsal, know you rocked it regardless  💋 Marlene: Kind of need our lead singer to do that. Instrumental wasn't the vision for the track, babygirl Marlene: Where did you have to be? We could've rescheduled Ali: I know, I know, my bad! Make it up to you Ali: Ugh, got detention, didn't I Ali: don't even get me started on that Marlene: Make it up to me alone or me and the band? Marlene: Little rebel Marlene: Can't have you getting in more trouble by ditching, can we? Marlene: I'll add in another rehearsal, the girls won't mind Ali: Why not both? Ali: Come over and I'll record the vocals for you Ali: You know it boo 👩🏼‍🎤 Ali: Exactly, even though I'm fully staging a protest tomorrow Marlene: That's my girl Marlene: I'll be there front and centre, lending my voice to the movement Ali: Aww, so supportive Ali: cute 😉 Ali: I've rallied all the usual suspects so it shouldn't be a flop Ali: we have the allotted hours, like, if they fail to control us in 'em, why add more, yeah? pointless, where's the logic Marlene: Making me so proud to have you on my arm Ali: As you should be Ali: Though that arms not bad 💪 Marlene: I wouldn't be the best bassist in this shithole if it was Ali: One track mind 😏 SUCH a bassist Ali: don't you ever break that focus? Marlene: It has been known Marlene: For the right girl Ali: Introduce me to her some time, yeah? Ali: Get some tips Marlene: You know her pretty well Marlene: The name's Alison, like the song Ali: So soft Ali: Still say we do a Elvis Costello and Dolly mashup Ali: idc what you say, Jolene is a bop and you need to own it Marlene: If I can hear you do an original Elvis cover, I'll think about it Ali: Fine, I'll happily sing about myself all day Ali: can even get the accent down, thanks Ma Marlene: I'll be waiting for that Marlene: The girls are asking if you need posters or anything else for the protest? Anything to stick around and drink more Ali: Patience, babe Ali: Gotta save these pipes for the protest Ali: Feel free to go for their lives, like Ali: Bear in mind if they use too many expletives, the School ain't gonna listen tho Ali: creative language, not colourful, ladies Marlene: No promises on getting them to dial back the reclaimed slurs Marlene: But we'll leave off calling the teachers the cunts they are Marlene: For you, our glorious leader Ali: 🙇 down Ali: I'll take it, they're not going to go anywhere near hate speech vibes, too risky Marlene: Tempting offer Marlene: I'll take you up on it when we're alone Ali: Yeah? Gonna skip rehearsal more often then Marlene: For revolution and no less, babe Marlene: But I have missed you Ali: The revolution's always rolling, babe Ali: I can't stop the wheels of change, you know Marlene: I know you want me to make a rock and roll pun Marlene: But I refuse Ali: Boooooo 👎 Ali: too punk for me now? Marlene: Not gonna quote a dead white man either, not even Lennon Marlene: You're still my little punk princess, you know Ali: Throw some Yoko craziness at me Ali: 👑 Marlene: Keeping it back so the protest won't flop. Can't let it Ali: Sure, you just don't wanna get on the rooftop with your mates Ali: someone'd fall, or get pushed 😂 Marlene: Not me or you Marlene: With these arms we're safe Ali: 🔫 pew pew Ali: they wanna try me, bitch Marlene: We should fill up supersoakers for those who are anti our message Marlene: Piss on their negativity in a literal sense Ali: not with actual piss, right? Marlene: You have to start thinking punk rock, babe Ali: I am not pissing into a supersoaker Ali: not dying to prove my aim is as good as a man's like Ali: you do you, babe but I'll leave it at good old fashioned water Marlene: Now who's deserving the boos and jeers Marlene: So regal of you Ali: what can i say? my idea of a good time isn't pissing on my own hands Ali: crazy, i know 😉 Marlene: How true my love is Marlene: Any time's a good time with my baby Ali: 💙 Ali: forreal tho, what are we doing this weekend Marlene: There are a few parties Ali: where Ali: i wanna go as far away as poss Marlene: They're local, usual suspects Marlene: We can do something else Ali: Think of something better, yeah Ali: I'm sick of the locals at the mo Marlene: I'll come back to you with a plan Ali: 💋 Ali: that's my girl Marlene: What am I good for if I can't take you away from this shithole? Marlene: Not like it's that hard Ali: You got your license, 'til I got mine I'm at your beck and call, like Ali: Your Ma will be cool, yeah? Doesn't need to be long, just long enough to breathe Marlene: I'll make a deal with her Marlene: Name drop you since she's a fan Ali: Such a parent pleaser 😇 Marlene: If you sang it she'd do anything you say Marlene: Thinks you've got the voice of an angel for sure Ali: Aww, what a babe Ali: like mother like daughter 😏 Marlene: She had her moments of hell raising Marlene: Would to this day if it was possible Ali: Imma ask her all about it when I see her Ali: fo'sho Marlene: That'd make her happy Ali: Who doesn't love being scandalous? Marlene: Whoever gave you detention Ali: Give you three guesses 😑 Marlene: I don't need them Marlene: Most are in your fan club too Ali: Exactly Ali: Don't teach R.S. if you can't handle healthy debate Marlene: Yeah. We live in Dublin not a dictatorship Ali: Honestly Ali: Some people really wanna take it back to the troubles Ali: Shouldn't have said as much but chill, dude Marlene: Freedom of speech, babe Marlene: I've lost count of how many teachers I've called homophobes Marlene: Gotta speak up Ali: True Ali: you are a bit quick on the draw sometimes, like Marlene: I'm not letting them get away with it Ali: Just sayin', plenty of reasons to give you dirty looks, babe, not all of 'em that you're gay 😜 Marlene: I'm a perfect gentleman and you know it Ali: True Ali: You don't look it tho Marlene: You don't look like a rebel queen Marlene: And yet Ali: I know looks are deceiving, tell it to the homophobes, babe 😏 Ali: also you gotta stop with the compliments 😾 Marlene: But everyone's clearing out. It's the perfect time to shower you with them Marlene: Where do you wanna be? Here or there Ali: When bae only sweet talks you when their mates aren't about Ali: SUCH a fuckboy, darling 💋 Marlene: You know what I was getting at, darling Marlene: We can be alone finally Marlene: But only if you're in the mood Ali: I'll come over Ali: as much as my Ma is also a fan, just yours like, not so much mine Marlene: Let me pick you up Marlene: It's too dark for that shit Ali: Nah, I wanna walk Ali: gotta burn off the energy I didn't get to rock out Marlene: Hold your keys since you won't take my knife off me Ali: Don't worry Ali: My Da beat you to the self-defense lesson, like Ali: I'm sweet Marlene: If I'm not there to protect you, I'm bound to worry Ali: You worry too much, baby Ali: Good thing I'm coming to take all your cares away Ali: and I've got bud, naturally 🚬 Marlene: And I hid some drinks from the vultures Ali: Party of two 😘 Marlene: When you get here. Until you do I'm sitting on the floor alone writing shitty songs about you Ali: Try and write a good one, will ya? Not having it bandied about that I'm a shit muse 😉 Ali: you could never Ali: gonna play for me when I get there? Marlene: Been trying since I met you, babygirl Marlene: It's not you, it's me Ali: Nah Ali: there's a hit in there, I just gotta try harder Ali: as you're so anti-establishment, your brain is noping on writing a bop that everyone will love Marlene: I want you to love it Marlene: You're the one it's for Ali: I'm excited to hear Ali: assuming I don't get shanked on the way by the big bad wolf Marlene: Your tragic early death isn't the inspiration I want or need Ali: Tell it to the TV writers, hun Ali: angry protest song #765 Marlene: I'll sing you my shitty song and you can die laughing Ali: Never Ali: cross my heart Marlene: And fingers that I can patch together a chorus that doesn't make me wanna die before you get here Ali: 🤞 Ali: I have faith enough for two Marlene: As an angel, you kind of have to bring it Ali: No pressure 😓 Marlene: I'm more than okay with you lacking it, stick it to your detention giver over again Marlene: And I love you, so forgiven most sins Ali: A benevolent Goddess you are Marlene: Modeled on the original lesbian in the sky Ali: Debated theology enough today to live and let live on that one babe Marlene: Promise I'll save the angry lesbian god essay recital for another night Ali: You're a doll 💋 Ali: Oh, hold up, I see my ex Ali: ready for this awkward convo in 3 2 Ali: brb Marlene: Bet you want me to pick you up now, don't you? Ali: [15 mins later] Ali: That was wild Marlene: What the fuck, Ali Marlene: I was about to start searching for you Ali: Soz, more chatty than I remember Ali: only gone at got someone pregnant hasn't he Marlene: Dodged a bullet Ali: Tell me about it Ali: Still out on the town tryna get some though Ali: is that the new come on? I'm fertile! Marlene: In this town, likely Marlene: Which ex is it? Ali: #4 good drugs, bad teeth Ali: the one who lowkey stalked me after and my brother had to smack him one Ali: good times, unexpected detour down memory lane there but got us some freebies so Marlene: It took 15 mins to get what you're owed, how long does he take over customers who aren't his stalked exes Marlene: bad business is what you should've called him Marlene: Or manners Ali: names are definitely open to workshopping Ali: he had to show me the scan pics, duh Marlene: Had to do the whole come on Marlene: fucking pig Ali: Bless Ali: have your fun whilst you still can, kid Marlene: not with my girlfriend Ali: don't worry babe, got the drugs for free free Ali: not suck my dick free Marlene: Are you gonna be here soon Marlene: I can still bring the car Ali: Yeah, I'll get a wriggle on Ali: 5 minutes if I run Marlene: If you don't run into any more exes first Ali: cities littered with 'em Marlene: If you didn't date men you could stay friends with them Ali: why would I wanna do that? Ali: I've seen your dyke drama, a no thank you Marlene: I don't have dyke drama Marlene: You're the one trying to avoid the awkward Ali: 😏 Ali: I don't care, its funny Ali: he wasn't that bad, really Ali: don't need to add every ex to my inner circle though, that's a madness Marlene: He stalked you Marlene: He's an asshole Ali: Not properly Ali: Just had issue letting go as fast as I did, who can blame him 😘 Marlene: It's not funny, Ali, it's fucked Ali: So serious 😾 Ali: It ain't like he locked me in his basement, I get to decide how fucked it was or wasn't Marlene: You get to brush it under the carpet too, doesn't make it right Ali: 🙄 you're as bad as my mother Marlene: maybe she's got a point Ali: Ugh, don't need to point score, she already likes ya, babe Ali: he's just a stupid kid, not fucking Bundy, yeah, let's chill Marlene: He doesn't have to be Bundy to be held accountable, babe Marlene: He's gonna be someone's dad Marlene: What the fuck Ali: for what? being a bit of a prick at 16 Ali: s'not a crime, last time I checked Marlene: it doesn't have to be Marlene: Lads think they can do whatever they want Marlene: They can't and shouldn't Ali: Nah, this isn't a soap box moment, babe Ali: we all do things we know are wrong, and ain't proud of Ali: 'cos of how we're feeling Ali: Honestly, not a big deal Ali: and not an exclusively male thing, that's a crock of shit Marlene: If I was heavy handed with one of my exes I'd get so much shit Marlene: He gets boys will be boys Marlene: It's not a big deal because you're making excuses for him Ali: From who? The lesbian mafia? Ali: Straight girls are INSANE Ali: way worse than #4 was ever Ali: I'm not gonna burn him at the stake for something I don't believe in Marlene: Straight girls are a whole other subject Marlene: Last I checked you didn't have any of them as exes so no really the point Ali: That you know of Marlene: I know about every one of your exes Ali: Okay, Liam Neeson Ali: can't be calling out stalkers when you're breathing down the phone like that 😂 Marlene: You're not funny Ali: I am though Ali: but I ain't coming over if you're gonna be such a downer Marlene: Are you serious? Marlene: Your jokes are so bad I can't tell Ali: Duh Ali: Killing my vibe, babe Marlene: You're basically here Ali: So? Ali: I can keep walking into this dark night Marlene: So come in Marlene: I'm sorry, baby Ali: You promise you're gonna stop being lame? Marlene: Cross my heart Ali: Okay, lemme in then

[cookinguptales]

You know, I rarely have nightmares, but when I do they are usually doozies. I had two last night. I woke up, was too freaked out to go back to sleep for a bit, then went back to sleep -- and had a literal sequel dream, I’m so mad???

So the first dream was...now that I think about it, the first dream was definitely something I was being forced to watch. Like I remember hearing a “warning” that I was about to see very graphic deaths and they were real people. Like I’d found the uncensored version of tapes that were usually censored. When I get into the plot, that’ll make more sense. Anyway, I wasn’t actually a character in these dreams (I rarely am), but I guess that I was consciously being placed in the position of viewer.

Anyway, at its most basic, it was kind of a survivor-sque reality tv show, except it was really more Hunger Games than anything because all the people really did have to kill each other. There really was a giant cash reward, but also people just weren’t allowed to leave. For a while, they all thought they could. Like they didn’t really know what kind of reality tv show it was, and they were led around this creepy mood setting cavern, and they saw this giant treasure that was going to be theirs. And they were told that they were straight up going to need to kill people, and were given the option to leave then. Some people did, but most didn’t. (More on that detail in the sequel, apparently.) Anyway, most of the rest of the dream was people dying in really horrible ways, sometimes killed by other contestants, sometimes dying because of the people in charge. Like there wasn’t a “week  1, X died!” kind of vibe. They just knew the “game” would keep going on until they were all dead, and it just happened to go on for weeks and weeks. And some people decided they wanted out, that they couldn’t do this anymore and it wasn’t worth the constant fear. So they had the leader of this little posse go talk to the head guy and ask to be let out (like they’d been told they could) and he was like oh sure, you can definitely leave! (Definitely resembled Michael from The Good Place.) And then the guy trying to leave was snatched up by goons, had metal poles strapped to his body horizontally (on both sides of the body, but not parallel to each other on each side), then they grabbed the poles and pushed them apart and together and up and down and such to break like EVERY bone in this guy’s body and reduce him to pulp, then they just kind of let him slowly die in agony and that was basically...the general tone of the dream... Well, that really freaked them all out, and it was when they all realized that they were all going to die, no matter what, except the winner. Uh. And then I woke up shortly after that?? But right before I woke up, it was like -- the feeling was like zooming backward through all the places they’d lived and camped and shit, almost rewinding but no time was passing, the “camera” was physically going through those places backward, and it zoomed backward through all the caverns and instead of going out again, the “camera” paused and went into a side cavern they hadn’t been in and I hadn’t seen yet, and there was just a woman sitting at the table there (who was one of the contestants but I didn’t remember which one, like she’d died early or wasn’t a very memorable living-when-I-woke-up one idk) and she looked at me, the viewer, and said “I hear they’re making a season 2 soon” and then I actually woke up.

And I was like shit tho. It’s not actually the first time a dream character had a parting shot for me when I was just about to wake up because my brain is a fucking asshole but ugh. It’s not as bad as the time I had a dream where I kept waking up in the dream into increasingly bizarre lives -- like, I’d be in a girl scout camp, then I’d wake up and realize that was just a dream and go back to my life in an office building, then I’d wake up and realize that was just a dream and go back to --- etc. etc. until I was in some kind of nightmare Seussian dreamland and I was literally crawling out a hole to “waking life” and a character turned to me RIGHT BEFORE I GOT OUT like “you’ll never know whether you’re really awake again” and that is officially the shittiest thing my brain has ever done to me.

BUT BACK TO THIS DREAM. So I was freaked out because I’d just watched a lot of really fucked up deaths and people slowly realizing they had no way out of their situation, so I didn’t go back to sleep for a bit. But then I did. AND HAD A SEQUEL??? (slash prequel??? idk.)

So this was an even weirder dream. Like the first one was relatively straightforward. I was watching the unedited tapes from a (n implied to be popular) reality show where people died. Maybe the implication was that IRL people thought it was fictional, like a fictional horror tv show where the plot was that it was a reality show? But I was being unequivocally told that it was real, these were real people, and I was about to see their vivid and gory deaths. (Or maybe that was a dig about me dreaming, I never know with my subconscious.) The second dream was about the girl I’d seen at the end, in the room. She was one of the contestants, like I’d known the first time -- and I still don’t know how far she got in the first dream, the second dream completely fucked the plot so -- and she somehow woke up again. Like she died in the game but woke up back in her regular life right after she got the letter asking her to come to these caverns to be on a reality show. But she had all her memories of this! So she was freaked out. And the dream was about her repeated attempts to get out of her grisly fate, and every time she failed and died anyway, she’d wake up again before she died but usually too late to really get out of it. And one of the times, things had gone wrong enough that her very pretty girlfriend (who she’d told all this) had gone with her to try and help her get out of it. At the very beginning, when contestants were given the chance to leave, she took her girlfriend and firmly said they were leaving. (They were not the only ones who did this over the course of all the “lives”, but they were the only ones this time.) And they tried to argue her out of it, tried to block her way, but they got out! Out into real sunshine! Or so they thought. This is when shit got really weird. They thought they’d just be able to leave, but there were guards everywhere on this big, sort of manor home-esque estate. Think creepy hedge mazes in the gardens and fountains and shit. So they eventually realize they’re still meant to die here, they were dead the second they walked on property, they were probably dead the second the protag girl had been chosen. (It was never said how or why they were chosen, but I suppose they were aiming for physically strong people who were the kind of greedy narcissists who’d drop everything to be on a deadly reality tv show.) So they both just start RUNNING, the protag has seen and experienced unspeakable things, so she’s just DRAGGING her girlfriend. All the while, there are all these kind of intercom announcements trying to get them to come back that just get increasingly nasty and mocking when they realize there’s no reasoning with them. They eventually end up in these underground waterways that they’d crawled into through like a drain pipe or something. They were kind of like sewers without the sewage, and they eventually opened up to like large cavern-esque rooms underground that had all these little maze-like man-made tributaries they had to swim through. Lots of right angles. And the protag got separated from her girlfriend at once point, but what could she do? She kept swimming. And she hated water, was terrified of swimming (which the intercom voice repeatedly reminded her about; they’d apparently done their research before inviting her) but she kept going until she finally came to this room, and it was so weird. The tributaries opened up into this shallow pool that she could climb out of, and there were all of these like shallow, square wells in the room that contained these brightly colored crystals. And she was like??? And her GIRLFRIEND walked in, which was even more ??? And her girlfriend who’d been in on it the whole time was like “wow congratulations, you got really far! much farther than we thought! won’t help you but wow, congrats.” and proceeded to tell her that all of the people here were young and beautiful because they were bodysnatchers. And they could technically just take anyone, but they’d lived a really long time. They were rich and young and healthy and beautiful but they were bored. So they came up with this reality tv show idea so they could pick new hosts (who were basically the strongest of the lot, and would be so emotionally broken that it would be easy to overtake their minds) and that was literally the whole point of this. Finding the best bodies to be hosts to these magical bodysnatchers. (More secret society than alien.) And the protag was like fuck!? and her gf was just like “I hoped you’d win!! I do like you” and she showed the protag this body that was like. In stasis. And it turns out they don’t like LITERALLY take over the body. They keep the body and once they have this like psychic connection to it, they can put the snatched body in stasis and it works sort of like that portrait in Dorian Grey’s attic. The body they have in stasis gets old and damaged and rots while their normal body is okay. And the body that’s in stasis, the body her gf is connected to, is almost completely rotted away. It’s time for a new one. AND THEN FADE TO BLACK, AS THE PROTAGONIST GETS CONSUMED BY HER GIRLFRIEND VIA MAGICAL BODYSNATCHING CRYSTALS.

But then it did the zooming thing and showed me the exact same clip of the girl talking about season two, like, to tie it all together I guess, and I was like. Okay, see here, that doesn’t make sense. She’s dead now, how is she being cryptic here?

Every so often in repeats of dreams I will have the capability to critique them. I remember there was this one dream I had more than once about a girl who thought her giant creepy house in the woods was haunted but her parents wouldn’t listen and this little girl kept leading her to a wall and pointing and the girl eventually found a HIDDEN ROOM and it turned out it was the ghost of her dead twiin sister, her sister had died when they were tiny and her parents were so griefstricken that they’d like walled up the room and pretended like her sister never existed, and the ghost just wanted to be acknowledged again and for her sister to know that she’d existed -- pretty interesting dream, actually, but the SECOND time I’ve had it, my brain was like I’ve seen this one and proceeded to admire the cinematography like my dreams are just a wasteland of weird. But this one did have an old man harrumphing at the tv feel and that at least made me laugh. Even if I’d just had to suffer through another nightmare.

LONG STORY SHORT, I DIDN’T SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT. :(

[thefallenkingfic]

Chapter 7

The name took him aback. That anyone now knew it was a shock and really drove home the fact this woman must know him, and they must have been close.  Looking at the hand Abraxas reached out taking it after a moment’s hesitation letting her draw him out onto the grass as he looked around.  Had he seen this before?  He was sure he’d never been here but there was a sense of comfort he hadn’t felt in years Before even his studies had drawn him to black crystal magic.

“This place is Aquaria, How… how is this possible?” he asked gesturing, Lumina smiled Pointing “Magic created the pocket of air.  It grew, and to maintain its stability we grew the supports, the trees.  They help support the environment down here.  Because of the unique eco system caused by drying the sea bed.  Animals unknown to the surface have evolved.” She said as another bird it’s feather a brilliant mix of jewel colors burst from the bushes and flew singing into the ‘sky’

“At the Ephidian Palace I told you often of Aquaria and showed you the Globe that allowed me to look at it.” She said chuckling “I remember one of the first times we looked at it together a Thunder bird suddenly came into view and you where so shocked.  I don’t think you have ever seen a bird so big before.” She said warmly walking along she grinned waving “Come this way.” she said hurrying across the grass to the edge of the rise.  He was surprised by the sudden drop off, he expected her to slow down but she didn’t.  What was she doing? Her hand held his firmly as she looked back as her pace quickened to a run.

“Trust me.” She said, he barely had time to process the words before she jumped and he was dragged over the edge with her This insane suicidal woman! a whoosh of air enveloped them and he felt a firm grip around his arms then shift wrapping around his torso.  Looking p he was stunned to find himself in the clutches of a giant bird! It plumage a rich red, orange and yellow.

“What do you think?” Lumina called, she had to release his hand now to the bird could fly without colliding, he had a better view of the bird that held her the wing span was impressive and the way the feet turned allowed the finger like feet to wrap around and grip the torso.  Long feathers trailed curling up from a slender head tipped by a long golden beak with the slightest downward curve at the end.  T long body was compact and graceful a streaming tail seeming to flash in the sun, Gold not yellow?  It was stunning, No, he did know this

“These, they are thunder Birds.” he said amazed  looking up, how could,  part of him still questioned it all, how could any of this be real? An underwater kingdom?  Giant birds holding people as they flew. Maybe he had died?  This couldn’t be possible.

Lumina laughed waving a hand “Look!” she exclaimed drawing his attention from the birds and down below. The buildings where beautiful nestled between trees and even on them, the plants worked effortlessly into the architecture.  The canals where rich blue veins among the green while the paths and bridges where shimmering white stone.

“Where are we going?” he asked noticing as the bird banked in unison seeming to aim for something eyes fixed on, some point he was sure.  “The Water gardens.  Mephisto is there.  I had servant take him by boat earlier today. I thought being out of bed would do him some good, even though he’s still so badly injured being trapped in bed is not the only way to heal.” She said  she had reached up and had a light grip on the ankles of the bird.

“I’m hoping perhaps seeing you might jog some of his memories. “ she explained, he noticed they were drawing to a clearing, here was a mound of grass, Large ornate flowers beds and trees with weeping branches that dipped into the canal water and spilled with creamy blossoms.

The bird set then down gently  wings pumping as they lifted of soaring into the air together with twin calls as they joined a mixed flock of birds.  Lumina stood by waiting as he watched them. Only when he looked to her did she offer her hand again, this time however he refused to take it, gesturing for her to lead o.  She let her hand fall and walked along her robs trailing behind her, they seemed to cumbersome to him but despite the thickness of his own robes they were surprisingly light. Perhaps it was the same for her?  He hoped so as the elaborate styling of her hair made his wonder how her neck hadn’t snapped under the weight.  That was one thing that had always boggled him mind, and seemed a Habit of the elite of Ephidia.  Stupidly long hair.  Not just long, He had Long hair, these where such impractical masses of hair that it was unreasonable.

The path she led him along was lined with bright flowers of every color imaginable, there was an organized chaos to the way the where planted and among them small channel ran separating the bed flowing with clear water that flowed out from elegant fountains crafted to make it seem as if water flowed from flowers themselves.  The fountains hung heavy with flowering vines, the stone green with moss.

“Why do you let it grow so wild, why not control it, this is a garden yes?” Abraxas asked looking at her, Lumina turned her head nodding “It is, But I told you, we work with the earth, We generally allow things t grow as their will dictates.  We give thanks to the flowers we pick for their beauty and fragrance, we honor the plants that allow us to consume them.” She explained as they walked

“In coming here we grew to realize just how deeply we and in truth everything, is so deeply tied.  Not just Ephidians and Ephidia… But the Earthlings, and earth,  every realm that posses life,  even if it not the life of a human like us or them, that life is tied deeply to the world. To desecrate that bond is to kill one’s self.” She said calmly “The black crystal magic you used is the same in way… You told me, back then, about how your research followed along those same lines.  How crystal magic we use is also tied in with us, our inner self, ad our ties to our world.” She said pausing to stroke a slender blue flower that had bright violet stamens poking from the wrap of the Electric blue petal.

“Like how poison is not evil but can do harm to those it is not meant for, Black crystal magic is not ‘evil’ it is an existence we are not meant for, it is a power we are not supposed to tap.” She said gesturing “This was your theory anyway… You told me, the last time we spoke, that your research was opening new ground, you where positive you had found a way to tap into the potential of black crystal magic’s.  You where so enthusiastic.  You had made a major breakthrough… but you didn’t explain, you said you would when we spoke next after you ran some tests.. but that was the last time I heard from you.” She said honestly pulling her hand back from the flower.

“The next time I heard of you, you where calling yourself Lord Gramorr, you had created a swath of destruction, so to defend my people… and myself, I sealed Aquaria from the upper world.  None could come, none could leave.  And to prevent those who might lead you to us from doing so,  worked with our strongest mages to erase their memories of our location, Aquarians who had chosen to live above the water had once been able and welcome to return to their homeland… but I took that from them.” She said softly .

“Leaders must make difficult decisions.  You made your choice to protect your people. Though I don’t believe I’d have troubled with such a small nation.” He said Lumina glanced over arching a brow not sure if he was trying to comfort or if he was mocking, and judging by the look on his face, he wasn’t fully certain either.

“Yes well… Ah here we are.” She said leading him through taller hedges to what amounted to a private garden.  He stalled at the opening in the flowered hedge seeing the young man laying in the char which had been adjusted to allow him to sit mostly up right.  

He looked awful.

That was Gramorr’s first thought as he looked over the young man. his face was drawn and pale.  Lumina said he was better, It made him wonder how bad the boy had been.  He was suddenly struck by how young he was.  Without his uniform he looked vulnerable, he also wore robes of the nation though they where lighter and possessed only two layers. He noted however the over coat was tossed across the back of a chair.  His hair hung limply out of his face and he could see the shocking stark white of Bandages, some stained faintly red where wounds still healed.

“What… Happened?” he asked stepping forward slowly Lumina had moved to the boys side a crystal bowel filled with water rested on a table  follower petals floated with in and she dipped a cloth into it before wringing it out and gently draping it across his forehead.

“During your battle with the princess’ The sacred alter was damaged the great stone fell and almost crushed the sister.  He pushed her out of the way but took the hit.  The feedback of energy from the attack over loaded the stone causing a reaction. It exploded.” She explained  settling in a char after she adjusted an umbrella to shield his face from the light as he slept.

“It was a mere instant but that was long enough for him to be gravely injured.  For many days I feared he would die.” She said looking over him. “I nor my healers can be certain if his memory loss is a result of temporary amnesia while his mind copes with the trauma, or an effect of the magical blast…” she explained falling silent as the young man stirred eyes opening slowly Gramorr could see how they seemed unfocused, confused at first before he came fully to himself.

Why had he never noticed before how young Mephisto was… Praxina his twin she’d be young to, but he’d never seen them that way, only as underlings, and incompetent ones at that…

“More flowers?” he mumbled his voice was so quiet.  Gramorr reached up slowly looking at his arm, thinking about his chest, He had recovered so much already.  Yet here lay a boy barely a man still so weak.  Lumina smiled and nodded adjusting the cloth “The scent will help ease your mind and sooth your aches.” She reassured gently then gestured

“See who has come to visit you.” She said warmly.  Her manner towards the youth was different, while he couldn’t put his finger on it, he knew there was something about the way she spoke with the boy that wasn’t there when she addressed him.  The boys head turned to look at him green eyes narrowing slightly as if he had trouble seeing him clearly.  After a moment he sighed relaxing back and shaking his head

“I’m sorry, I, don’t know you.” He said weakly defeated, Lumina smiled stroking his hair gently “It’s alright, You may not remember now but Maybe speaking with him will help.  I brought him here to visit you regardless. I thought you might like a man to talk to.  I imagine a girls chatter is only so enjoyable when your trapped in bed.” She said laughing lightly her manner kind and easy. Mephisto smiled weakly and nodded looking over to a chair that sat to his left.

“That would be nice.” He admitted,  as Gramorr stepped forward Lumina stood and smiled “I’ll leave you boys to talk, and enjoy the gardens, I have work to tend to.  Remember Mephisto if you have need just ring the bell someone will be along quickly.” She assured as she walked to the open portion of the garden leaving the two to sit in a momentary awkward silence.

“You’re… the man she helped as well aren’t you?” Mephisto asked curiously and smiled weakly “She said you could tell me a bit more about myself.  You know me right?” he asked hopefully.  And Gramorr realized no… He didn’t really know the boy laying there at all…

[askthewitchlady]

The Fallen King

Chapter 7

The name took him aback. That anyone now knew it was a shock and really drove home the fact this woman must know him, and they must have been close.  Looking at the hand Abraxas reached out taking it after a moment’s hesitation letting her draw him out onto the grass as he looked around.  Had he seen this before?  He was sure he’d never been here but there was a sense of comfort he hadn’t felt in years Before even his studies had drawn him to black crystal magic.

“This place is Aquaria, How… how is this possible?” he asked gesturing, Lumina smiled Pointing “Magic created the pocket of air.  It grew, and to maintain its stability we grew the supports, the trees.  They help support the environment down here.  Because of the unique eco system caused by drying the sea bed.  Animals unknown to the surface have evolved.” She said as another bird it’s feather a brilliant mix of jewel colors burst from the bushes and flew singing into the ‘sky’

“At the Ephidian Palace I told you often of Aquaria and showed you the Globe that allowed me to look at it.” She said chuckling “I remember one of the first times we looked at it together a Thunder bird suddenly came into view and you where so shocked.  I don’t think you have ever seen a bird so big before.” She said warmly walking along she grinned waving “Come this way.” she said hurrying across the grass to the edge of the rise.  He was surprised by the sudden drop off, he expected her to slow down but she didn’t.  What was she doing? Her hand held his firmly as she looked back as her pace quickened to a run.

“Trust me.” She said, he barely had time to process the words before she jumped and he was dragged over the edge with her This insane suicidal woman! a whoosh of air enveloped them and he felt a firm grip around his arms then shift wrapping around his torso.  Looking p he was stunned to find himself in the clutches of a giant bird! It plumage a rich red, orange and yellow.

“What do you think?” Lumina called, she had to release his hand now to the bird could fly without colliding, he had a better view of the bird that held her the wing span was impressive and the way the feet turned allowed the finger like feet to wrap around and grip the torso.  Long feathers trailed curling up from a slender head tipped by a long golden beak with the slightest downward curve at the end.  T long body was compact and graceful a streaming tail seeming to flash in the sun, Gold not yellow?  It was stunning, No, he did know this

“These, they are thunder Birds.” he said amazed  looking up, how could,  part of him still questioned it all, how could any of this be real? An underwater kingdom?  Giant birds holding people as they flew. Maybe he had died?  This couldn’t be possible.

Lumina laughed waving a hand “Look!” she exclaimed drawing his attention from the birds and down below. The buildings where beautiful nestled between trees and even on them, the plants worked effortlessly into the architecture.  The canals where rich blue veins among the green while the paths and bridges where shimmering white stone.

“Where are we going?” he asked noticing as the bird banked in unison seeming to aim for something eyes fixed on, some point he was sure.  “The Water gardens.  Mephisto is there.  I had servant take him by boat earlier today. I thought being out of bed would do him some good, even though he’s still so badly injured being trapped in bed is not the only way to heal.” She said  she had reached up and had a light grip on the ankles of the bird.

“I’m hoping perhaps seeing you might jog some of his memories. “ she explained, he noticed they were drawing to a clearing, here was a mound of grass, Large ornate flowers beds and trees with weeping branches that dipped into the canal water and spilled with creamy blossoms.

The bird set then down gently  wings pumping as they lifted of soaring into the air together with twin calls as they joined a mixed flock of birds.  Lumina stood by waiting as he watched them. Only when he looked to her did she offer her hand again, this time however he refused to take it, gesturing for her to lead o.  She let her hand fall and walked along her robs trailing behind her, they seemed to cumbersome to him but despite the thickness of his own robes they were surprisingly light. Perhaps it was the same for her?  He hoped so as the elaborate styling of her hair made his wonder how her neck hadn’t snapped under the weight.  That was one thing that had always boggled him mind, and seemed a Habit of the elite of Ephidia.  Stupidly long hair.  Not just long, He had Long hair, these where such impractical masses of hair that it was unreasonable.

The path she led him along was lined with bright flowers of every color imaginable, there was an organized chaos to the way the where planted and among them small channel ran separating the bed flowing with clear water that flowed out from elegant fountains crafted to make it seem as if water flowed from flowers themselves.  The fountains hung heavy with flowering vines, the stone green with moss.

“Why do you let it grow so wild, why not control it, this is a garden yes?” Abraxas asked looking at her, Lumina turned her head nodding “It is, But I told you, we work with the earth, We generally allow things t grow as their will dictates.  We give thanks to the flowers we pick for their beauty and fragrance, we honor the plants that allow us to consume them.” She explained as they walked

“In coming here we grew to realize just how deeply we and in truth everything, is so deeply tied.  Not just Ephidians and Ephidia… But the Earthlings, and earth,  every realm that posses life,  even if it not the life of a human like us or them, that life is tied deeply to the world. To desecrate that bond is to kill one’s self.” She said calmly “The black crystal magic you used is the same in way… You told me, back then, about how your research followed along those same lines.  How crystal magic we use is also tied in with us, our inner self, ad our ties to our world.” She said pausing to stroke a slender blue flower that had bright violet stamens poking from the wrap of the Electric blue petal.

“Like how poison is not evil but can do harm to those it is not meant for, Black crystal magic is not ‘evil’ it is an existence we are not meant for, it is a power we are not supposed to tap.” She said gesturing “This was your theory anyway… You told me, the last time we spoke, that your research was opening new ground, you where positive you had found a way to tap into the potential of black crystal magic’s.  You where so enthusiastic.  You had made a major breakthrough… but you didn’t explain, you said you would when we spoke next after you ran some tests.. but that was the last time I heard from you.” She said honestly pulling her hand back from the flower.

“The next time I heard of you, you where calling yourself Lord Gramorr, you had created a swath of destruction, so to defend my people… and myself, I sealed Aquaria from the upper world.  None could come, none could leave.  And to prevent those who might lead you to us from doing so,  worked with our strongest mages to erase their memories of our location, Aquarians who had chosen to live above the water had once been able and welcome to return to their homeland… but I took that from them.” She said softly .

“Leaders must make difficult decisions.  You made your choice to protect your people. Though I don’t believe I’d have troubled with such a small nation.” He said Lumina glanced over arching a brow not sure if he was trying to comfort or if he was mocking, and judging by the look on his face, he wasn’t fully certain either.

“Yes well… Ah here we are.” She said leading him through taller hedges to what amounted to a private garden.  He stalled at the opening in the flowered hedge seeing the young man laying in the char which had been adjusted to allow him to sit mostly up right.  

He looked awful.

That was Gramorr’s first thought as he looked over the young man. his face was drawn and pale.  Lumina said he was better, It made him wonder how bad the boy had been.  He was suddenly struck by how young he was.  Without his uniform he looked vulnerable, he also wore robes of the nation though they where lighter and possessed only two layers. He noted however the over coat was tossed across the back of a chair.  His hair hung limply out of his face and he could see the shocking stark white of Bandages, some stained faintly red where wounds still healed.

“What… Happened?” he asked stepping forward slowly Lumina had moved to the boys side a crystal bowel filled with water rested on a table  follower petals floated with in and she dipped a cloth into it before wringing it out and gently draping it across his forehead.

“During your battle with the princess’ The sacred alter was damaged the great stone fell and almost crushed the sister.  He pushed her out of the way but took the hit.  The feedback of energy from the attack over loaded the stone causing a reaction. It exploded.” She explained  settling in a char after she adjusted an umbrella to shield his face from the light as he slept.

“It was a mere instant but that was long enough for him to be gravely injured.  For many days I feared he would die.” She said looking over him. “I nor my healers can be certain if his memory loss is a result of temporary amnesia while his mind copes with the trauma, or an effect of the magical blast…” she explained falling silent as the young man stirred eyes opening slowly Gramorr could see how they seemed unfocused, confused at first before he came fully to himself.

Why had he never noticed before how young Mephisto was… Praxina his twin she’d be young to, but he’d never seen them that way, only as underlings, and incompetent ones at that…

“More flowers?” he mumbled his voice was so quiet.  Gramorr reached up slowly looking at his arm, thinking about his chest, He had recovered so much already.  Yet here lay a boy barely a man still so weak.  Lumina smiled and nodded adjusting the cloth “The scent will help ease your mind and sooth your aches.” She reassured gently then gestured

“See who has come to visit you.” She said warmly.  Her manner towards the youth was different, while he couldn’t put his finger on it, he knew there was something about the way she spoke with the boy that wasn’t there when she addressed him.  The boys head turned to look at him green eyes narrowing slightly as if he had trouble seeing him clearly.  After a moment he sighed relaxing back and shaking his head

“I’m sorry, I, don’t know you.” He said weakly defeated, Lumina smiled stroking his hair gently “It’s alright, You may not remember now but Maybe speaking with him will help.  I brought him here to visit you regardless. I thought you might like a man to talk to.  I imagine a girls chatter is only so enjoyable when your trapped in bed.” She said laughing lightly her manner kind and easy. Mephisto smiled weakly and nodded looking over to a chair that sat to his left.

“That would be nice.” He admitted,  as Gramorr stepped forward Lumina stood and smiled “I’ll leave you boys to talk, and enjoy the gardens, I have work to tend to.  Remember Mephisto if you have need just ring the bell someone will be along quickly.” She assured as she walked to the open portion of the garden leaving the two to sit in a momentary awkward silence.

“You’re… the man she helped as well aren’t you?” Mephisto asked curiously and smiled weakly “She said you could tell me a bit more about myself.  You know me right?” he asked hopefully as Gramorr realized no… He didn’t really know the boy laying there at all…

[wolfinlionskingdom]

Operation Zeitgeist: Before

Juliana Crain was raised by the Resistance with one aim only—to infiltrate the structures of GNR and kill its leader. 

But when the time comes, she hesitates. 

Before.

There is something about her that astounds him from the start.

He does not notice her at once, of course. Not when he comes in and not when he sits down. It is only after the lengthy standing ovation, after everyone else leaves that his eyes find her—a slim figure in a neatly pressed black uniform, decorated by a striped armband. It is, perhaps, the rarity that intrigues him or maybe it is his intuition, a herald to what is to come. Women were not officially allowed to join the ranks of the Schutzstaffel, but for those who desired to do so, there were always ways—options one could take. In the Greater Nazi Reich, it could be done through the Schutzstaffel itself. In the Third Reich women needed to join a related institution focusing specifically on female engagement in the war effort. The most famous of them, Heinrich Himmler’s lover and current wife, Hedwig Potthast was of the first generation in the context of the Reich. The brunette in front of him will be one of the first generation raised by Greater Reich.

Ideologically, no woman was seen as suitable for such position. Nevertheless, when being in possession of the right credentials and fueled by a pure motivation, even this regime was willing to make exceptions and accept the fairer sex as something else than mothers of the Volk’s future.  

Waiting for the last men to exit the room, he watches her with curiosity. He could have left by now, normally he would have had, but he is in no hurry and he cannot help but be intrigued. Not by her personally, but the idea of her—of what the beginning of such equality might mean in the face of the law. There was an equality like this in the U.S. Army, he remembers, or at least the beginning of one. But that state has fallen and its values and ideals have fallen with it.

He watches her as she rises to her feet and gracefully exists her row only to come to something he would describe as a sudden halt. Glancing at the still projected picture on the screen, her posture seems to relax. Her eyes see what he does—one of the most stunning pieces of Albert Speer’s architectonic magic. The Zeppelinfield set alight by hundreds of light beams creating the so-called Cathedral of Light.

“It has no Zeitgeist,” he hears her whisper to herself, absently. It is the acoustics of the room that betrays her, not him. A bold statement; criticism is not something the regime tolerates, but they are alone, the room is not plugged and he does not care for one girl’s opinions on architecture. Besides looking at the rectangular structure on the screen, he cannot but agree with her. He has always found the classical splendor of Speer’s work rather beautiful, but he cannot deny the absence of present in its curt shapes.

“Interesting observation,” he states, knowing all too well he has to make his presence known to her. Rising from his seat, he sees her turn rapidly, her azure eyes wide in shock.

“I thought I was alone,” she breathes; the words steady but somehow hesitant. He has managed to unsettle her. He smiles then, watching her watching him. Her intelligent face is relaxed, fixed with an easy and attractive smile, but beneath the mask, he sees her thinking. “If you want to know the truth, you have to look into their eyes,” Reinhard Heydrich once told him and he was right. It is the eyes that betray you. She is not a prisoner though and he is not here to ask her about her treacherous or inappropriate thoughts, far from it. He is fascinated. Now, not only by her persona as a social oddity, but also by her somewhat ill fitted comment.

Ascending couple of stairs he comes to stand beside her. The gesture is well meant—kitchen psychology. If you want them to feel at ease, do not hover about them.

“I never thought about Speer’s work in such a way,” he tells her and tilts his head as his eyes scan the black and white projection in front of them. “He is undoubtedly the most accomplished architect of our times and yet, the space he creates does not seem to posses a soul.”

The young woman beside him turns to face him. Her blue eyes regain their clarity and suddenly, he feels observed and measured. The power in the room has surprisingly shifted.

“There is no soul in eternity,” she says, her face lit by the soft electronic light generated by the projector. “It transcends it.”

Pursing his lips, he nods. Spoken like a true Gefolge—perhaps there was another reason for her confusion than her slip; perhaps it was simply his presence that has panicked her. Slowly he moves towards the exit of the now storeyed lecture hall. Few minutes ago, the place was still lit by bright white lights and swarming with people. All and every one of them pleased to have witnessed a lecture by Albert Speer himself. He, for one, has escorted the man from the Party Headquarters to the New York University and was pleasantly surprise at the man’s natural ease.

He hears her fall in step behind him; the sharp sound of her heels echoing in the empty space.  

“Are you a student?” he asks then with genuine interest, knowing all too well the lecture was primarily meant for students of architecture, but she surprises him. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her shake her head.

“No, Sir. I am only someone who has always been fascinated by urban spaces and other human-made environments.”

They walk though the two-wing door and he stops. He thinks about her answer briefly, but decides to leave their topical conversation at that. There is nothing wrong in being interested in space, after all—as unorthodox as it might seem for woman of her upbringing. Their paths will part now, he knows as much and he is not regretful they do. There is something about her that does not add up, something odd. He is attracted to her, he is aware of that, but that is not what makes him uneasy. There is something else; something in the way she looks at him—as if she knew. Knew what? He could not say.

“John Smith,” he tells her then, extending his hand to her. He leaves his rank unsaid, knowing she must know how to read the insignia.

Taking his hand, she gives it a brief, light squeeze.

“Juliana Crain.”

“It was a pleasure.”

“The pleasure was all mine,” she echoes as the custom dictates and raises her right arm in the traditional salute.

“Heil Hitler.”

“Heil Hitler,” he nods, and briefly mirroring her gesture, he turns away and walks down the sterile corridor; away from her scrutinizing gaze.

[nizhoniaway-blog]

Last night's dream

It's a three day race for all the advanced people in the world that don't have a warrant out for their arrest. I'm not sure why I'm here but I'm here with my friend, who is a mechanical genius and built his own super car in his garage to use in the race, and his girlfriend, who I can't figure out but she is by far the most beautiful person I've ever seen. The race starts at night and I can't fine them in the crowd, there must be hundreds of participants. I give up and make my way to the front of the crowd. The announcer starts the race when I wasn't paying attention. I've decided to run the first part of the race on foot seeing as how it is though dense jungle. Others can fly or have super speed but I am just running at a leisurely pace. Somehow I mange to meet up with my friend and his girlfriend. The first two days go like any other race but I used a bike on the second day because it was though the countryside. On the third day though we emerge out of a pine forest to a desert. It is the last stretch before the finish so my friend floors it in his car and is out of sight in only a couple seconds. I'm figuring we're in last place so I ask my friends girlfriend if she wants to stick together across the desert seeing as she had a tiny car and my friend kinda just abandoned us. I've got a jet pack on for this part of the race and I'm flying right next to her car for a considerable amount of time when her car breaks down. It was a catastrophic breakdown the car's engine compartment burst into flames and the cab instantly filled with smoke. I rushed to help her but she stopped and got out before I got there. after doing a quick look around she asked me if I could carry her with my jet pack I asked her how much she weighed she got offended and I grabbed her and started to fly onward. I kept looking down at her and thinking that she was so beautiful and where in the world did my friend find you. My mind, and eyes, would start to wander and I would have to remind myself that she is my friends girlfriend and I shouldn't be thinking like that. After flying for hours and as I was about to run out of fuel we saw the finish line in sight. Unfortunately the added weight made me have to land early about three hundred feet from the finish line, which was actually a line in the sand with a teleporter on the other side. After only a couple of feet walking she runs off to the side and picks something up off the ground. She asks me what it is. It looks like a piece of clear red plastic. I notice another piece and pick it up. Then it hits me it looks exactly like one of those 3d puzzles I like to build. I tell her and say we should look for the rest of the pieces. We end up picking up dozens of pieces and I had forgotten about the race when I notice that there are green pieces a little farther away and blue pieces and yellow ones. After closer inspection of the pieces I had in my hands they didn't look like puzzle pieces they wouldn't even fit together so I get her attention and tell her it looks like there was some sort of party or something here and that they aren't puzzle pieces. We drop the pieces in a pile and look at the finish line there is a bunch of people in the teleporter waiting for it to activate. I grab her hand and start running. We made it just in time. There was a flash and suddenly we were standing on the grass of some immense buildings front lawn and there was three times as many people as were at the start of the race. There were covered walkways between a couple buildings and an outdoor auditorium with a giant shade maker over it. Everyone was making their way over there so we followed. As we were walking I got stopped by a guy with spiky black hair who said he passed me on the vertigo curve on the second day and that I was one tough bastard for riding my bike on that cliff. I didn't recognize him but I took the complement anyway. I had lost sight of my friends girlfriend and didn't see anyone else I recognized so I took a seat in the grass nearby because all the seats were filled. My rifle kept getting in the way so I walked over to place it on the ground by the building and a group of adults saw me do it one guy, a very large and muscular man, nodded in approval but there was a tall skinny and downright creepy looking guy who started chastising me for leaving my gun laying around and that if I brought it I am responsible for it the whole time I am here and therefor must keep it with me. I knew he was right so I walked over and sat back down with the rifle pointing up in my lap. The announcer got up on the stage and started talking about all the people who put this together and stuff I wasn't really listening I was watching a group of people putting on backpacks with 4 bee looking wings on them. The announcer said something and there was roaring applause. The group then took flight with their packs and started some sort of dance routine with them in the air. It was rather boring they were just trying to show off the maneuverability of the new compact flight pack. After they left the stage area they put their packs into a box sitting next to the large building. That's when some guy I've never seen before took the stage and started talking about the flight packs. The only thing it could do that my jet pack couldn't was fly indefinitely. They are solar powered and charge during flight. They can hold enough charge to fly for 10 hours in the dark. I thought he was rather arrogant to think that flying for ten hours in the dark meant you could fly indefinitely. There are places in the world where they get more than ten hours of darkness at night. It was about this point in time when the tall skinny guy walked on stage and whispered something to the man talking about the new packs. He handed him the mic and immediately ushered the flight group inside the big building. The tall skinny guy proceeded to tell everyone that we needed to return home and that even though security was tight two very high priority enemies on the warrant list got into the race and were somewhere on the premises. There were some who panicked and started to fret but for some reason I wasn't worried at all. The tall man went on saying that there is a teleporter in the out building with the covered walkway running to it that will take everyone back to where the race started so that they can then make their way back home. The panicked people all ran to the building. Most everyone else got up and started walking to the building. I started to walk with them when I noticed some people were not moving and saying they wanted to help find the enemies. The tall man said that if they weren't afraid then he would accept their help. I considered staying but thought better of it because I couldn't even remember what I could do that qualified me to be in the race to begin with. By the time I got in the building there were only a few of us left and it dawned on me that if they knew there were enemies in the race they would have ended it long before it got to the finishing ceremonies. Which meant that they must have done something to the facility to get discovered after making it this far. The man said there were two so they must have found two individual attacks which means it's possible that there were more than two here and there could be more sabotages. I stopped just before getting to the teleporter. This one was different than the one in the desert it was built into the wall and you had to walk into the wall to be teleported to the destination. I put out my arm to stop anyone else from going into the teleporter. They all complained and told them what I was thinking they all went quiet. While I was busy thinking I saw one my buddies from school that was a technological genius and was always connected to every network he could wiggle his way into. I called out for him to come to the front and told him to hack the teleporter to see where its destination is. He said that would be child's play and pulled a pane off the wall. He said something was funny and then asked if we started the race in Norway. We didn't. I asked if he could set the correct destination and he did. Most of the rest of the people went through the teleporter. I asked why the rest weren't going though and they all agreed that they want to figure out why the destination was changed. I also wanted to know. We walked out of the tunnel that led to the teleporter and outside the building. Everything was silent. Not a single chirp. I didn't like it. Somehow I became the leader of our little posse and we walked towards the enormous building. Just before we got to the doors the large muscular man stepped out and asked us why we hadn't left yet. I told him about the teleporter and he looked noticeably worried when I told him where the teleporter was really sending people. He looked me dead in the eyes and said that I was the only one he was willing to tell what he was about to say. It confused me, why me? He said that in Norway there is a group, no cult, of non advanced humans that wanted to create equality amongst the advanced and non advanced humans which he is all for but they go about it by making advanced humans weak and sometimes outright enslaving them to do their work. They look down on advanced humans and they had been attacking events aimed at us for years. They must have intended for the our leaders to find the other sabotage incidents and send everyone through the teleporter, so they made the teleporter send everyone where they can capture them off guard. My posse and I said we wanted to do something about it. But that's when the tall skinny guy came out and said that we are only children and that there is nothing mere children can do. They can't even get close to Norway and teleporting in is obviously out of the question. He said we should just go home. I disagreed but I didn't say anything to him. We were escorted back to the teleporter building where I said we could handle it from there. They stood outside the doors any way. I told the people once inside that I plan on going to Norway and rescuing my friends and anyone else who needs rescuing. When asked how I said that the new compact flight packs should be able to get me there relatively soon and they wouldn't be expecting me to arrive that way. My techy friend said he would come with and a girl I didn't recognize volunteered also. We were about to make a run for it when an older man that had been with us spoke up and said that he knew how to get there and that he had a score to settle with someone who was a member of this cult. I accepted his help. The rest of my posse left through the teleporter and my new team and I turned to see that there were now the two guards by the door as well as the tall man and the muscular man by the door. I didn't know if we were going to make it out of there. That's when the girl pointed at my jet pack and asked if it could carry all of us. It definitely couldn't but I could use it like a battering ram as well as get us a small head start to the new flight packs. I had everyone grab onto me and we started running at the doors. Just as we opened them I ignited my pack knocking over the guards and startling the tall man. The muscular man stepped out of the way and looked at me as we blasted through to the box where the new packs were being kept, Tecky opened it and we all grabbed one. As we took flight I could see the muscular man nodding his head in approval as the skinny man was beet red with anger. The skinny man looked like he was about to hit the muscular man but stopped halfway and stormed inside the enormous building. We were on our way to save everyone. After flying for days, stopping only get supplies and to steal the uniform of the cult from a group of cultists we saw harassing a couple of kids, we were in some crazy huge mountain range. While we were flying through the air my techy friend came along side of me and said he wanted to show me something. He pulled out three hexagon shaped cards one with my picture at the top one with my friend who was in the race with me and one with his girlfriend. He said how he's been making stat cards for everyone at the race and that I should really take a look at the cards. I couldn't find anything significant about them other than my card having diamond defense stats instead of defense stats. I handed them back and told him I don't understand. He said that my stats would pair perfectly with my friends girlfriend and that my friends kind of overshadow hers. I told him it was interesting but it isn't important right now. He flew back to the girl that came along, I'm starting to think they are a couple or at least will be. At the peak of one of the mountains I saw a giant door made of dark wood like what you'd imagine in an old castle. We didn't stop to check it out the older guy said that it was a decoy and most likely booby trapped. It was after that that I started noticing them everywhere. It started getting warmer even though we were getting higher up in the mountains and we saw an unusually green forest in a valley below I said we should check it out. We were only there for a few moments before we noticed that nearly every branch of every tree had honey bee hives on them and they did not like the sound of our flight packs, a sizable swarm of bees followed us clear to the edge of the valley. We were so distracted with escaping the bees we didn't notice the giant cannons that were littering the area ahead of us. They were clearly automated and didn't lock onto us due to our size, but it still made me nervous. The mountains started leveling out but still at a high altitude. It was clearly a man made plateau. The cannons here were different they started firing on us. It seemed like there were seven times more bullets than there were cannons capable of firing them and the munition was huge there wouldn't be anything left if any of us got hit. We were dodging boulder sized chunks of metal for ten minutes when we saw a large white door with gold filigree on it set into a crescent shaped mountain. That was the door we needed to get too. I was almost there when a munition hit one of the wings on my flight pack and I started to fall. Next thing I know I'm inside a great big room everything is white, there is a door behind me that resembles the one we saw outside. My techy friend and the older guy are dragging me to a wall opposite the door. They already have the uniforms on and the girl is holding my set. They tell me I need to hurry and put these on. I stand up and start undressing when we hear a bunch of voices coming from around the corner. My team says they will come get me later and run off in the other direction. I get my shirt on just as someone walks around the corner he doesn't look at me but I freeze. Then a whole crowd of people come into the room and I am stuck somewhere in the back no one notices me except for one. He is a kid from my school and I actually remembered him. He runs over to me and excitedly asks me how long I've been a member of their group then interrupts himself by asking if I was planing on changing in the middle of the crowd. I nodded my head and he said that I must've just joined and I should wait until everyone went through the portal because getting caught naked was a much bigger punishment then getting caught out of uniform. That's when a childhood friend of mine comes up to the other kid and looks surprised to see me but doesn't say anything about me.

[ricardosousalemos]

DMX: It's Dark and Hell is Hot

Earl Simmons suffered a lonely and abusive childhood where as a troubled kid he would sometimes wander the streets and befriend stray dogs. Uprooted from his native Baltimore at a young age, the Yonkers transplant did several stints in New York’s Children’s Village group home, where he first started fiddling with drum machines and beatboxing as a means of escape. He segued from DJing to rapping as a young adult, taking the name DMX from the drum machine he used. The young rapper made a name for himself on New York’s battle circuit with a commanding voice and overwhelming tenacity. Aggressiveness would become his calling card as an MC, a defense mechanism held over from when the days when armed robbery helped him survive on the streets. His battles to live and cope both in and outside of rap would lead to 1998’s It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot, his haunting debut, a tragically clear-eyed criminal manifesto that dared to greet damnation with defiance and a psalm.

Rocking a skull-embroidered hat, DMX the Great appeared in The Source’s Unsigned Hype column in January 1991, garnering comparisons to LL Cool J, PMD, and Hit Squad’s K-Solo (whom DMX had met in prison). The earliest DMX demos were tedious, without the defining presence he’d grow into. But it was in the ring that he truly built his rep, making an indelible mark on the underground scene with heavily rhythmic flows and a battler’s bluntness. When he traded bars with Jay Z in a cramped Bronx pool hall in the late ’90s, head bobbing violently, cigarette in hand, he proved himself to be a raw, almost boorish alternative to Hov’s shifty slick talk. The energy in the room clearly favored X’s style. Jay would later ask industry maneuverer mutual friend Irv Gotti, “You think he’s better than me?” to which Gotti replied, ‘If you look in the hood, there’s less niggas like you and more niggas like him.”

The Unsigned Hype column was known for producing deals. True to form, DMX signed to Columbia Records imprint Ruffhouse in 1992 and immediately cut a promotional single called “The Born Loser.” The track introduced his depressive tone, an ominous and confessional space that would later bring life to his most discomforting scenes. But true to its title, it failed to generate any buzz or airplay, and his overbooked label let him off the hook. (DMX claimed he was under-promoted because of groups like Kris Kross and Cypress Hill.) A few years later, Puff Daddy, head of the burgeoning Bad Boy Records, took interest in X and fellow Yonkers corner boys the LOX, but in the end chose to sign the latter over the former, deciding that X had no commercial prospects. “One thing I respect about Puff, at least he told me to my face what he felt,” DMX told “Drink Champs.” “‘His voice is too rough, he’s not marketable.’” DMX returned to the underground scene, emerging on LL Cool J’s 1997 album Phenomenon with a verse on the now infamous posse cut “4, 3, 2, 1.” Buzzing once more, he followed Gotti to Def Jam.

When Gotti pushed for Def Jam to sign DMX in his first meeting, he got laughed out of the room. “I remember when I left the office, [A&R executive] Tina Davis said, ‘if DMX don’t sell, your ass is fired,” Gotti remembered in an interview with Complex. He didn’t seem to fit with the rap moment. This was a year dominated by Puff Daddy and Bad Boy, who landed six of the seven highest-charting rap songs, delivered a huge critical and commercial success in Harlem World, and won Best Rap Album at the Grammys for the 7x-Platinum album No Way Out (famously and controversially defeating Wu-Tang Clan’s Wu-Tang Forever). Putting money behind DMX would run counter to Bad Boy’s “shiny suit” era of glam rap.

But X brought Def Jam executive Lyor Cohen up to Yonkers for an early Ruff Ryder session and convinced him to sign the MC. At the time, DMX’s mouth was wired shut because of an altercation he’d had with some guys he was accused of stealing from. In an interview with DJ Vlad, Ja Rule remembered the ferocity through which he ripped through the wiring: “He had got into a fight or somebody got jumped... and he was rhyming with the fuckin’ wires in his mouth. Crazy shit. Like the shit about to pop. I was like ‘Okay, I like this dude.’” When they left, Cohen turned to Gotti and proclaimed, “We got the pick of the litter.”

Through his connections at Bad Boy (namely, his friends the LOX and Ma$e), DMX began working on his debut album with a producer from Harlem named Dame Grease, a fellow Yonkers product named P.K. (or P. Killer Trackz), and Grease’s unknown protege from the Bronx, Swizz Beatz. Under direction from Irv and Lyor, Grease, P.K., and X worked up a single called “Get at Me Dog” in ’97, and released it in February of ’98. It functioned as an abrasive prelude, but was at least partially aimed at X’s longtime rival K-Solo. They brought the song to Hot 97 DJ Funkmaster Flex, who aired it and added it to the first volume of his Big Dawgs mixtape. It soon took off, peaking at No. 39 on the Billboard Hot 100 that May. Gotti remembers the video as the turning point: “We back to the hood, and X is the leader of this revolution.” Filmed at New York’s Tunnel nightclub, packed, sweaty, and shot in black and white, X’s crusade is articulated in its opening seconds: “Let’s take it back to the streets, motherfuckers!”

“Get at Me Dog” set the stage for It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot, which explores the furthest depths of the human experience. But there is no more fitting introduction to the album than the Swizz Beatz-produced “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem,” a confrontational, fang-bearing mark of ferocity. The song functions much like a warning shot: Cross this threshold at your own peril. “It’s about to get ugly/Fuck it dog, I’m hungry,” he snaps. The song was a defining moment for both DMX and Swizz Beatz, but it almost didn’t happen. Swizz made the song in Atlanta when he was just a DJ and then moved back to New York to join the Ruff Ryders. DMX didn’t like the song initially, claiming it was some “rock’n’roll track” and he needed some hip-hop shit: “I’m not doing that. It’s not hood enough,” he told the producer. But Swizz and other members of the Ruff Ryders team pushed him to make the record, and it became the theme song of a movement.

It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot was not only the springboard for the Ruff Ryders campaign—launching the careers of Swizz Beatz, Eve, Cassidy, and Jin—it was the catalyst for a greater shift on the New York rap scene and beyond. It was a reset button for street rap, setting the stage for runs from 50 Cent and G-Unit and Cam’ron’s Diplomats crew. “Hittin’ niggas with gashes to the head/Straight to the white meat but the street stays red/Girls gave me head for free cause they see/Who I’ma be, by like 2003,” X rapped on the intro. It didn’t even take that long.

Like Dante’s Inferno, DMX’s It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot is a fiendish epic that explores the nature of sin, highlighting acts of violence, wrath, greed, treachery, and lust. The album exposes an internal struggle waged between a man and his demons—a man searching for one light in an all-consuming darkness. He has a talk with god (“The Convo”), but the devil is constantly whispering in his ear and wearing him down. He’s unsure whether his rhyme skills are the product of a contract with the devil (“I sold my soul to the devil, and the price was cheap”) or the generosity of a loving creator. It’s this duality that makes up one of the most gripping psychological studies in all of rap lore: What happens when a God-fearing man makes the devil his ally?

The centerpiece is “Damien,” a winding back-and-forth saga between X and his Hadean accomplice. The album builds to this moment, where X is seduced by his greatest admirer. In the throes of his own greed and pain, DMX embraces wickedness as a fair price for freedom from destitution. By the end, the song becomes a parable about the dangers of giving into desire when Damien coerces X into crimes he doesn’t want to commit: “Either do it or give me your right hand, that’s what you said,” he threatens. “I see now, ain’t nothing but trouble ahead.” Traces of “Damien” can be heard throughout the “Lucy” thread on Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly, which also examines the points where fame and sin meet. (Kendrick has cited It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot as a major influence.) But “Damien” is even more tightly wound, the relationship more clearly articulated and its energy more affecting. The dynamic “Damien” is a microcosm of It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot, which is either in constant motion or disclosing ongoing conversations—whether internal, interpersonal (“How’s It Goin’ Down”), or divine (“Prayer”).

It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot debuted atop the Billboard 200 in May and was certified platinum by June. DMX quickly released his sophomore album, Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood, in December of ’98, and it was double platinum by January. In between the two, he starred in Hype Williams’ directorial debut, Belly, alongside Nas, and the film almost immediately became a cult hit among rap fans. So in a grand total of eight months, DMX became the biggest rapper on the planet. His moment was so colossal that in 1999 Jay Z boycotted the Grammy ceremony (the year he won Best Rap Album for Vol. 2… Hard Knock Life) because DMX was not nominated.

“That was the year DMX took over the world,” Nas remembered in a 2013 interview with Pitchfork. Already a star on New York’s rap scene, the Queens rapper was standing in close proximity when the DMX atom bomb dropped. “There was a guy who worked on Belly with me and DMX who’d heard the record, and every day he would try to tell me how incredible this music that was about to come out was,” Nas recalled. “I tried to get a description, like, ‘What do you mean?’ And he just couldn’t say anything. He just kept saying, ‘It moves your soul.’ He did not lie.”

Nearly 20 years later, there is still no album like it. So many of the songs on It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot document violent crimes and the flood of emotions they induce. They move swiftly, jerking around corners and through alleyways, simulating a rising heart rate and a racing mind. His peers were shooting stills, but X was dealing in savage action sequences (“ATF”) and the shadows they cast (“Let Me Fly,” “X-Is Coming”). Everything about the music—from the harshness of his voice, to the murkiness of his beats, to the bruising nature of his flows—was in service of a supreme hardness. In ‘98, the biggest MCs on the New York scene were narrators using radically different sounds to tell their stories. Busta erupted with pure energy. Big Pun enchanted with an effortless fluidity. As Wu-Tang swarmed, Tribe was in the midst of their love movement. Black Star were a conscious voice for hood theorists. Jay Z brought business acumen to the drug trade. All were reporting live, sharing their powerful perspectives from different city blocks.

But DMX wasn’t a rapper in the trenches; he was a messiah in the gutter, painting a portrait of a community laid desolate by corruption, and the sociopaths its conditions were breeding. He was the voice of the street corners and the graveyards, telling stories of the lost and the damned. From on high, he demanded empathy for man, who were cold to murder and unapologetic for their crimes because he knew it’s hard to be good in a world this broken. “There’s a difference between doing wrong and being wrong, and that ain’t right,” he says on “Let Me Fly.” He breaks the moral compass, then drags you into the abyss.