#i also think it would be funny to write because producer george is always george's POV so imagine him just Witnessing snippy ta matty

[lookedlikethebins]

Fuckkkk I hadn’t thought about producer George talking about/with matty in interviews!! I’m so excited

Truthfully, I hadn't either until today!! I was originally thinking it would maybe at George's house (interviewing in his home studio/a magazine focused on his set-up and gear more than any Personal Profile) and the interviewer bumps into Matty just putting away laundry or doing dishes on their way back from the bathroom. Or someone writing a different piece is sitting in while George and another artist are working together and Matty comes in and gives the artist and George coffees—and the interviewer assumes Matty is the Coffee Boy for the studio and tells him their coffee order...

Either approach I think it would be fun to try and figure out TA Matty's blend of playing it cool for George's sake (while waiting for his cue) but also very much wanting it to be known he's not just Anybody.

[bettsfic]

craft essay a day #7

i was just talking with @volturialice about comedy writing, so it's something that's been on my mind, and i've never really written about it. so consider this an early draft of a future essay that's far more coherent.

"Funny Is the New Deep: An Exploration of the Comic Impulse" by Steve Almond, The Writer's Notebook II: Craft Essays from Tin House

beginner | intermediate | advanced | masterclass 

filed under: comedy, meaning making

key terms: comic impulse (his), comic intention (mine)

summary

i was hesitant to read this essay because comedy is very important to me. i can handle bad craft essays but i'm not sure i can handle bad craft essays on comedy. but, i thought, if you're writing a craft essay on comedy, you're probably pretty funny. that's the thing about comedy: it's not usually inspected by the unfunny.

Almond opens with Aristotle's four modes of literature: the tragic, the epic, the lyric, and the comic. he disagrees with the common belief that tragedy and comedy are working in opposition to one another.

"In fact, the comic impulse almost always arises directly from our efforts to contend with tragedy. It is the safest and most reliable way to acknowledge our circumstances without being crushed by them."

he talks about how Aristophanes is the father of comedy, and goes on to discuss the history of comedy in literature, focusing mainly on Vonnegut who tried to write about the bombing of Dresden seriously before eventually, twenty years later, succumbing to his comic instinct and writing the very darkly comedic Slaughterhouse Five.

"...comedy is produced by determined confrontation with a set of feeling states that are essentially tragic in nature: grief, shame, disappointment, physical discomfort, anxiety, moral outrage. It is not about pleasing the reader. It's about purging the writer...Another way of saying this would be that the best comedy is rooted in the capacity to face unbearable emotions and to offer, by means of laughter, a dividend of forgiveness."

Almond asserts that humor is the result of being able to look at understand the wider picture, and that's why comedy can be so rooted in politics and current events. he acknowledges that what's funny is not objective, and concludes by saying,

"The real question isn't whether you can or should try to be funny in your work, but whether you're going to get yourself and your characters into enough danger to invoke the comic impulse. Literary artists don't write funny to produce laughter...but to apprehend and endure the astonishing sorrow of the examined life."

my thoughts are centered around the practicality of comedy writing, by which i mean to answer the question, but how do you be funny? and talk about what i'm calling "comic intention." (note, i came up with it just now and so i'm still Thinking on it, and my thoughts may be half-baked.)

my thoughts

this essay put me through all five stages of grief. i feel very personally called out in a paragraph about how, in a story when the stakes get too high, or as Almond says, "reaches a point of unbearable heaviness" the comic impulse is to make it funny. and i do that. and i'm so delighted by how clever and hilarious i am (sarcasm. see? he's right), and i value comedy so highly, that i'm always hesitant (or i even straight-out refuse) to change it. and he's right also, ultimately, that the impulse comes from a place of trauma, of habitually defusing. once, i was dating a guy who pulled a knife on me, and i said, "if you get my blood everywhere you're not going to get our security deposit back."

i read a certain sentiment by comedic literary authors over and over again: early in their careers, they stifled their own comic impulse in an effort to be taken seriously. they were inspired by hemingway and wanted to write dry prose of the very sober, somber variety. Almond admits this in the essay, and says the same of Vonnegut, and once i went to a lecture by George Saunders who said literally the same thing. and i'm like, what is wrong with you people? why in god's name would you ever take yourselves seriously enough to want to be taken seriously?

for me it was the inverse. it took me years to even want to take my work seriously, to think of it as anything other than fucking around and finding out. and i also take umbrage a little at the idea that comedy writing is fundamentally unserious. but then again, i revere comedy. to me being funny is the highest ideal. i believe if you can do comedy and do it well, you can do anything. comedic actors can almost always do drama, but not all dramatic actors can do comedy. one of the reasons breaking bad and better call saul are so successful is that they play on the charisma, wit, and insanely funny talent of two comic actors (Cranston and Odenkirk). they're the most serious shows you could ever watch, but they're still funny.

there's a difference i think between being serious and taking yourself seriously. the gravest creative sin, to me, is taking a story too seriously. if it's apparent the writer can't see the inherent potential humor of all things, even if that humor isn't played upon, even if no one's laughing, i am immediately ejected from a story. comedy is a wider breadth of understanding than the material offers. Almond makes this point too, and uses conservatives as an example, saying that Republicans aren't funny and that's a sign that they don't understand jackshit about anything.

i don't believe everything should be funny. but everything should acknowledge its own potential for humor.

okay so here's my big thought:

my reaction to this essay is a huge "yes, but..." i agree with Almond on nearly everything he says, except there are the nuts and bolts of joke-making to consider. and that happens in only two possible places: on the line level, the setup and the punchline; or the situational level, the concept of a story. a sitcom is a situational comedy, which means that the premise of the story itself must in some way be comedic. when writing comedy, these are the only two tools you've got. sentence and concept. that's it.

the show Barry (HBO) is, to me, the greatest example of comedy writing i've ever seen. situationally, it's hilarious: a hitman wants to be a famous actor. and on a smaller level, what it does exceptionally well is acknowledge that every character no matter how frightening or serious or tragic can be the comedic relief. this blew my mind and changed my entire understanding of character. and with that understanding, my work has become a lot funnier. my characters (i like to think) are more interesting and complicated, because any of them at any point can do either the setup or the punchline. when you have serious characters and a comedic relief, the serious characters can only do the setup, and the comedic relief does the punchline. and i believed that for a long time. i would look at the cast of characters in a given story and think, who's the funny one? and now, they're all given the power of comedic relief.

i guess if i had to define my "yes, but" response to this essay, i would say that yes, there's comic instinct, but there's also comic intention. it's having the guts to be outside the joke looking in, to consciously and at the risk of ruining the joke for yourself, engineer the funny thing. i would say comic intention begins with instinct. you have to understand the rhythm and cadence of a setup, the right timing and pacing of the punchline. in your first draft you have to see where your setups have naturally been built and in your second draft you nail the punchline.

when i edit comedic stories, that's all i do. i pay attention to the rhythm of the piece and i find where the setups are or could be, and i make a little margin note that says "punchline here."

comedy writing, to me, is basically math. and that's the least funny thing there is. but if i don't acknowledge it, if i don't approach it with intention, i never get to the punchline. and intention itself is delicate--people expect comedy to seem effortless, so if you look like you're trying to be funny, you're not funny.

all comedy is about expectation. the basic setup of a joke is setting an expectation, and the punchline is doing something with that expectation. if you want to get funnier, start thinking about the unexpected. start thinking of details in pairs. your character is standing in an elderly woman's kitchen. situationally, this might be funny. maybe your character is a deadly assassin, and the elderly woman has invited him in for a coffee. or, at the line level, what's the most unexpected thing to be in that kitchen, based on the collective knowledge of what an elderly woman's kitchen looks like? your character opens the cutlery drawer and finds a glock. or a dildo. or a human molar. what's important is acknowledging that the elderly woman's kitchen is the setup of a potential punchline. the task is pivoting the punchline against the expectations of her kitchen.

even if you don't do this comedically, the practice of finding these pockets of potential will improve your writing, because what's in that woman's cutlery drawer can help us understand who she is as a character. what does it say about her if her junk drawer is a mess versus if it's meticulously organized? if she has thirteen owl-themed clocks? a wall of harley-davidson paraphernalia? what will your evil assassin character do if her dentures are in a cup and the cat is about to paw the cup off the table?

for those who also want to become better editors, one of the greatest skills you can learn is to read something and see what's not there, instead of just what is.

overall, i really admire Almond for writing earnestly on this topic, when sincerity can often threaten comedy. he acknowledges that insecurity is at the heart of every joke (the drive and the need to make someone laugh) and so the greatest fear of a funny person is to ruin the joke.

craft essay a day tag | cross-posted on AO3 | ask me something

[bubba4576]

The recap of several years in a row 🫣

June 2023

Right now I’m sitting in the backseat of a different car (I drove a minivan for 20 years and now have a smaller car a rav4, which is cute and fun to drive but I admit I miss a big car! Maybe this one will become a car for one of the kids one day…) listening to my grown daughters chatter about life and Taylor swift and in the heights and…life. It’s otherworldly and beautiful to be one adult among many instead of the adult (well one of two:). I realized that I haven’t written in so long not because I haven’t had things to write but because the speed of life has had me running and barely a chance to catch my breath.

I’m not going to do a good job recapping three years but I’ll try my best

2020 fall: Lindley went back to Purdue -thankfully to an apt- the dorms were not fun during covid. we went back to school at BCS with plexiglass, masks shield and terribly smelly hand sanitizer. I had to teach in the classrooms all year since they were tying to minimize the kids leaving their safe spaces and infecting others. There were too many cases and quarantined to count.

Mal had covid in late oct but didn’t suffer too much. Mostly a really bad headache. So james and I had to stay out of school for two weeks. I started getting really good at recording myself teaching and making viable music lessons from afar. James and I painted the big room in the basement (oh we also changed out the flooring in the sunroom during the spring 2020 lockdown).

At thanksgiving we didn’t know how to plan with the cleveland family and in the end it just felt too risky esp with the grandparents, so we rented a little cabin in southern Indiana and hike and explored caves- it was pretty fun. Sadly lindleys found out after she was already with us that she had covid. So she masked most of the weekend. Funny moment: when you open up what you think is a turkey and it’s HAM! Ham for thanksgiving….. no bueno!

Christmas was strange also - we did a drive thru in the 24th in Cleveland. JT had his party outside in the garage with heaters. We stopped by Grammy’s and nana and grandpa’s houses and unfortunately unknowingly infected them:( when we got home lindley started not feeling great and we found out she had covid again. We were so worried that the grandparents would freak out but no one had symptoms so they were fine. We loved it when lindley would come home for break and even though it was hard to see her go she loved Purdue and her friends. That year she lived in an apt with Cori, Lydia, and Alexis. Next door was Libby, Hailey, Mackenzie and….?? Those girls also went to Guatemala together the next summer and had a fabulous time!

I hardly remember the second semester in 21- things were still online-like ISSMA- Mal recorded her solo at Sweetwater, james was in 7th grade, playing soccer for United and playing the saxophone at school. Things eased up as the year went on at BCS thankfully. Public schools were a mess all year- they had students come every other day so that there weren’t as many ppl in the building at the same time and the students could stay 6 ft apart. It was a mess for families whose parents needed to work out of the home. As the students were virtual in their off days. Many people say that not much learning and much stress happened that year. The seniors who graduated and began college are who I feel the worst for. So challenging.

By the summer, things were beginning to feel more normal. We could always notice a difference between Ohio and Indians tho- Ohio was much stricter. More masks for longer- more stores closed down etc.

Black Lives Matter and the me too movement were huge at this time. The George Floyd murder at the hands of cops set into motion a wave of protest and outrage in the nation. It hope it all produced some change.

Mallory worked at Old Navy that summer (masked the whole time) and enjoyed it although never really wanted to go back. She was good friends with Maddie Lehman during this time.

Lindley went to Guatemala after meeting a boy at a wedding in May ❤️ that boy ended up being the one 💕and they are getting married in three weeks! We love Josh and are excited to welcome him into our family. She is home for several days and now and we are working on wedding details. I love having her home and am feeling nostalgic that the 5 of us won’t be a unit any more. There is nothing bad about it, it’s just change…. 😢

Both girls had their senior years at the same time - Lindley dating Josh and trying to figure out her life :) she lived with Tori and Olivia Coats in an apartment off campus and second semester went back and forth between Indy and Purdue as she had an internship at Riley hospital there. She really loved the hospital setting and hopes to be able to return after getting her masters one day. Josh came to Cleveland with us that Thanksgiving and got to meet the extended family.

Mallory had a rough beginning to her senior year as he friendship with Maddie broke up and she never really knew why or had an closure from that. So hard. She began a close friendship with Will Guthrie after getting close to him at Youth group and began dating him in November. The group went in a backpacking trip to northern Michigan (north manitou island) and she sadly got Lyme disease from a tick bite and it resulted in Bell’s palsy for about 6 weeks- one half of her face was paralyzed!! It was pretty crazy- she had to tape her eye shut at night because she couldn’t blink it and put eye drops in frequently to keep it moist. She was on medication and things did clear up although it is something she’ll need to mention to every doctor for the rest of her life probably. :( even with that she had a great soccer season, chapel leadership went great, and she thrives through it. Her college auditions were delayed bc of her Bell’s palsy, but by January she was ready. She applied to many schools but zeroed in in Wheaton and Belmont and decided to audition there. After receiving a very personal acceptance letter from Hope College she also decided to add that to her list, and that was the place she loved the most. We were all surprised but it has been a great place for her!

James just loved life as the little brother of a cool senior - playing soccer and getting taller by the day. He is still easy going and kind of quiet. Once Mal left for school we realized exactly HOW quiet and introverted he really is. I wonder if we have talked over him all of these years? Has he had something to say that we’ve ignored? Maybe we’re making up for lost time now. He doesn’t complain and also doesn’t like extra attention which might make him think deeply about emotions etc 😂 or maybe he’s just easy. Is that a thing? I think for james there is a part of him that is. He goes with the flow, doesn’t make waves, is mostly happy to do whatever is going on and can be convinced by his sisters esp to do just about anything:) it’s pretty great!

As a family we got into watching some shows together which have been fun- amazing race, Lego masters, survivor, marvel movies and series.

We went camping several times at pokagon, Mal and Kevin hiked the red river gorge, and youth group took Mal and separately james (and Kevin as a chaperone) up to manitou island to backpack. They all really loved it.

[ljblueteak]

Remembering George Martin, Jan. 3 1926-March 8, 2016. 

The first photo is the one Paul used on his website in 2016, and the second is from Stella McCartney’s “Stella Loves Liverpool” show at LIPA in 2008. Yoko Ono, Olivia Harrison, George Martin, Giles Martin, and Judy Martin attended, though Judy isn’t pictured here. 

I recently re-read Paul’s tribute to George Martin from March 2016, but hadn’t been aware until this year that he’d also said this in December 2016:

Paul: The George Martin tribute, that was very moving. It was at St. Martin-in-the-Fields and was sort of funny, and it was sad. So you know, it’s the old one, "We laughed, we cried". But it was a great chance to just remember things about George.

Obviously, you can’t get all the memories in one tribute like that, but there were a lot of great things. There were a lot of great speakers. There was an old Australian pal of George’s, who was very emotional and very moving and he was clever – because everyone was sort of eulogising – and he said: “But George wasn’t all good! You know, he could get pretty nasty if he was losing at cricket!" Which was funny, you know. But then he got really emotional, you could see he was a real buddy of George’s. I didn’t know him, but that was nice just seeing all the sides of George’s life. It was very moving. And it just gave you a chance to say, "Oh my gosh, I knew this guy".  I worked with him so much. He was like a father figure to me, really.

And he was such a self-made man. He was brought up working class and then sort of scrabbled his way to the top. He was brought up in Hoxton. So I think he was a bit “Landon!” at first, like. And then he went to the Guildhall School of Music, so, very much improved. But he was a joy to work with. A really nice man.

And it’s funny because I always used to treasure his thank you letters. Each year, I would send him a bottle of wine: "Birthday greetings, bottle of wine!", from the lyrics of 'When I’m Sixty-Four'. He loved his wine so I would always send him a great red wine. And he would send me the most lovely handwritten thank you letter. And it was always kind of funny, appreciative. I loved his writing. You know how you get to sort of love someone’s writing? I came across one recently actually, in a drawer. And it was like, I love that about him. That he took the bother. He was old school. He took the bother to write a nice, little handwritten thing.

So yeah, all these kind of things were at the tribute. And it was well done musically. Giles, his son, oversaw the music and there were things like Bernard Cribbins, who is a comedy actor that George produced. And he sang one of the comedy songs George produced that was a hit for him. He sang it very well. And like I say loads of great speakers. It was a lovely afternoon. Very emotional. I looked over and there’s Stella and Mary in tears, because they knew him very well. That’s the nice thing, our families have grown up together. It was a lovely, lovely ceremony.

In the Lyrics, Paul also remembers George Martin as “one of the best at making the complex seem simple. That’s why he was always my arranger of choice. I’d known him a long time--most of my professional life, in fact--since The Beatles did our artist test with him for EMI when I was a few days shy of my twentieth birthday. I’d worked with him so much that I knew if I wanted a nice arrangement on something, it would be a delight to ring him up and say, ‘Hey, George, are you interested in doing a thing together?’ He was a true gentleman, and like a second father to me, and always the grown-up in the room, with that delightfully plummy English accent of his. If I had the opportunity to work with him rather than anyone else, I always would--until it came to classical stuff like the Liverpool Oratorio, when I worked with people who had a bit more knowledge in that field. But from that June day in 1962 when he gave us our first recording contract, right up to the last time we saw each other, George was just the most generous, intelligent, and musical person I’ve had the pleasure to know.” 681-82

Paul also talks about how he still has “most of” George’s letters to him and says that Judy Martin still is a letter writer (854). He talks about him plenty of other places in the book too, but those stood out!

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳april’s fool ♡

in which fred weasley is in love with y/n l/n, the girl he happens to tease and insult profusely for her attention. 

fred weasley x gryffindor!fem!reader 

word count: ±4.3k 

tw: food, fireworks, pranking, fred being a bully, tad bits of swearing

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

ft. minnie, dumbledore and severus

yeah, your grandmama probably know me 

get more bottles, these bottles are lonely

it's a moment when I show up, got 'em sayin', "wow"

april’s fool 

“tomorrow is april fools,” dumbledore sighs. 

“you know what that means...?” mcgonagall asks, her voice on edge.

“the twins,” snape replies quickly, not even bothered one bit as he sips his dark coffee.

“and their pranks,” dumbledore dramatically rolls over in his armchair.

“okay and?” 

“they’re a hazard, severus!” mcgonagall replies.

“that doesn’t stop them.”

“what will stop them?” dumbledore ponders, eyes faint with interest. 

“you still have those weird buzzy fireworks right?” snape asks. 

“of course.”

“and minnie, you have the cake mix your grandmother gave you?”

“still in my cupboard next to the biscuits.”

“excellent.”

y/n l/n listens from the other side of the door, grinning. she’s been called to mcgonagall’s lavish office for some business she hopes isn’t trouble, but the conversation the three are deeply invested in piques her interest. 

she likes fun. the type of continuous laughter and uncontrollable fits of giggles at noon. that’s why she enjoys the pranks the twins play. they’re bold, sharp and reckless and have the undoubtable trademark of fred and george on them.

one too a many times she’s been on the receiving end of them. one time the twins had charmed the library so that she and other studious students could not find any books that they wanted or needed for a whole week. 

another time, her hair had been dyed bright pink. she wasn’t a fan of it, but tried her best to rock it. it worked. y/n had received many compliments on her bubblegum pink locks. 

she laughed it off a lot. whenever something quite embarrassing happened, it was usually funny. 

even the snide remarks the older twin always cast her way.

including the time he called her a blackhead. well, multiple times. 

“oi, l/n, looking like a blackhead.”

george had rolled his eyes at his brother before adding kindly, “at least you have nice hair. your tie’s always shiny too.”

she had just laughed, “at least i’ve got the blackhead looks to pull pink hair off, weasley, you can’t even pull off ginger hair, and thanks, georgie. love ya.”

fred had looked taken aback, but y/n still scowls at the memory. she gets she isn’t pretty, but there is a line you don’t cross when trying to insult someone.

he always calls her the most awful nicknames too; body parts that align with her name and random pieces of rubbish she isn’t bothered to remember.

she shakes herself of her thoughts and draws herself up, knocking thrice on the door lightly.

“come in,” mcgonagall’s calm tone beckons.

“good afternoon professors!” she chirps, smiling at all three.

they smile back. even snape. they’re big fans of the girl, who’s studious but mischievous. albus dumbledore has always thought that y/n’s eyes always look like all she’s seen is a beautiful sunset. 

“now you must wonder why i called you here,” mcgonagall starts.

“you see, how have you punished the weasley twins when they play all those pranks on you?” dumbledore eagerly asks. 

y/n gives a light laugh, “i just prank them back. i won’t get detention for this, right?” she jokes.

they laugh, “of course you will,” snape jokes back and for a second y/n is surprised that severus snape, the ever so cold potions professor, is cracking jokes. especially to her. 

“well then, i guess i can’t tell you how i prank them back then,” she drawls dramatically.

“no, no, do tell, we’re, what do you young people say?” mcgonagall pauses, “ahh yes! we’re all ears!”

y/n bursts out laughing, “okay, i usually do something that’s subtle enough but still very noticeable. they need to be anonymous too, or that’ll start prank wars and i’m only looking for short term pleasure really. one time, i dumped a whole bunch of polyjuice potion in both their little goblets. fred became george and george became fred. they were so confused.”

mcgonagall is impressed. 

“can you bake?” dumbledore asks and y/n shakes her head for a long time. 

“can’t bake for my sanity.”

“awesome. that is what i thought too,” dumbledore answers and y/n smiles. 

a single knock sounds. it’s proper and formal. 

“come in!” mcgonagall yells.

draco malfoy in all his glory steps into the room, eyes alight with concern, ever so indifferent. 

y/n knows him from quidditch. they’ve become relatively good friends, though she thinks he is very busy with his home life. she also knows that there’s more to him than the facade he has.

“afternoon,” he nods and gives a charming smile. 

“now, draco, i understand your mother had enrolled you in baking classes,” snape says. 

draco nods. 

“you must bake a cake,” mcgonagall hands him the cake mix.

she hands y/n the box of fireworks and winks. 

“good day professors! make sure to be at breakfast tomorrow!” y/n shouts, dragging draco with her to the kitchens. 

soon draco is laughing with y/n, at her atrocious puns and lightly placed jokes, finding himself very much happy. he’s not interested in her romantically, he simply enjoys her company. he’s even sharing some funny stories of his own too.

“...and i told him, to precisely fuck off.”

“so that’s how you deal with him!”

“oh no, he didn’t stop. he kept bugging me.”

“what did you do then?”

“i cast a muffliato charm on him.”

y/n bursts into laughter as they pass the gryffindor common room, quickly hiding the box of fireworks in her cloak as she spots two red heads quietly snickering by the fat lady. 

they notice the unlikely pair scurrying down the stairs. 

“hey, google eyes!” fred shouts. 

y/n doesn’t know fred well enough to decide if that greeting is dedicated to herself, so she continues upon her way. 

“weasley,” draco states. 

“huh?” y/n fakes oblivion. 

draco jerks his head in the way of the twins, where fred is smirking handsomely, leaning against the wall in a model-like fashion. 

george is shaking his head in dismay. 

“i said googly eyes!” fred shouts again.

y/n won’t lie, she thinks fred has undoubtedly good looks and his ginger hair is cute. he’s just a terrible person. to her, at least. she knows she’s biased, she’s often seen fred comforting ginny after a bad fight with a boyfriend, and from what she’s heard from alicia and angelina and katie, he’s funny too. 

she whips out her glasses and stares deadpan at him, before rolling her eyes and running with draco down the stairs, laughing like madmen.

they finish baking late at night, and waving her wand smartly over the cake, y/n produces a charm that will make the fireworks activate as soon as the cake is cut open. 

draco smiles as he pipes purple and orange roses, writing a ‘happy bday fred and george’ in chocolate letters. 

they add lots of sprinkles, hoping to seem like avid admirers of the twins. 

“does miss l/n and misters malfoy need any assistance?” a house elf asks.

draco just about opens his mouth to snap a ‘no’ when y/n gives him a silencing look.

“thank you rosemarie, but that is not needed, you are welcome to watch and talk with us though,” y/n politely answers, giving her a grin. 

the house elf sniffles, “miss l/n is too nice! rosemarie will make some hot chocolate for her! pretty hair!”

y/n laughs, “thank you very much, rosemarie. i think mister malfoy would also like some hot chocolate, with a tiny bit of firewhiskey, if that’s alright with you,” she winks at draco who just scoffs in reply. 

when they’re finished with the cake and the hot chocolate, y/n enters the gryffindor common room. angelina takes the cake and wraps it up in a box and nice wrapping paper. she sends it flying to the twins’ usual spot on the gryffindor table. 

“thanks angie!” y/n smiles, getting up from the cozy spot near the fire in the common room. 

“why are you going? we’re staying up till midnight for the twins’ birthday; wanna join?” angelina asks. 

y/n shakes her head, “i’m not too close with them, it seems like a rather intimate ceremony,” she keeps her words fluffy and light. really, she would join any birthday celebration, but she didn’t think she could handle the constant insults and annoying comments fred always made about her. and this would have been completely acceptable if she had done something to any one of the weasleys, but she hadn’t. she even regards ginny weasley as a little sister and was invited to one of ginny’s infamous slumber parties. okay, she might have a little crush on him for his joke-ish nature, but it’s nothing she can’t get over. he’s out of her league, for sure, she thinks. and terribly rude. she doesn’t understand why she still harbours those feelings for him. maybe because that time adrian pucey was mocking her for her ‘blood purity’ he stood up for her. or that time she hurt herself at quidditch and fred stayed up with her bandaging her wound. he cared when it mattered, she guesses. 

“i’m sure they would love you there.”

“fat chance,” she scoffs, “have a good night!”

she goes to her own dormitory up the stairs. she’s well known in gryffindor house, but for different reasons than the twins may be. although she’s close with angie and alicia, she’s not close with the twins. mainly because she’s always studying, playing quidditch, and doing prefect things. 

being on a quidditch team with fred weasley is bearable. mainly because she’s the captain. 

she’s stopped by a large hand on her shoulder. the owner of the hand swivels and suddenly a grinning fred is revealed. 

“where’re you going?” fred weasley’s annoying voice pronounces. 

“the sahara desert,” she snaps back dryly, “you’re in the way of my world exploration.”

“am i, really?”

“‘course,” she reigns her attitude in, “nice night, isn’t it?”

“for you? never.”

she scowls. fred watches in utter amusement as she takes a deep breath and charmingly smiles. 

“dearest freddie, will you please allow me to get to my dorm so i can have some sleep?”

fred’s heart skips a little at the nickname but shakes his head. 

“what’s the password?”

y/n sighs. “i don’t know. y/n is a blackhead. googly eyes. whatevers.”

fred lets out a loud laugh. y/n finds herself trying hard not to laugh with him. 

she turns around, ready to find her hufflepuff friend that has a spare bed in their dormitory, knowing fred is really stubborn.

“that’s not the password.”

“well, good night.” she walks off, before intensely diving in a style harry potter himself would be proud of, onto the stairs and running up the dorms laughing. 

fred stands at the bottom of the stairs, dumbfounded, his jaw hanging open. 

“close your mouth, flies will be caught,” he heard the giggling voice of y/n.

“close yours and you’ll look better,” he insults back. 

“oh shut up. we know i’m the prettier one. and that’s saying something.”

the next morning, fred and george wake up to presents, a rowdy common room, and a nice cake sitting waiting for them on the gryffindor table. 

for the first time, y/n takes a seat opposite them, her eyes alight with the familiar mischief they always held. she steals glances at the professors, who were beaming down with interest, as if they shared an inside joke. draco malfoy has an odd smirk on his pale face. 

all eyes are on them as they cut open the cake. with a bang, fireworks come flying out of the cake in all directions, sending crumbs and icing flying in the air and leaving soot on the twin’s faces. their ginger hair is covered neatly with white icing and the fireworks continue for a calamitous five minutes. everyone’s too busy laughing and trying to dodge the flying cake to see that y/n l/n and draco malfoy are laughing quietly in a corner together, both with spells like umbrellas. 

fred’s eyes, however, are trained on y/n, who’s rolling over in laughter. he quickly casts a scourgify on himself and george, and strides casually over to her and malfoy, the usual lazy smirk on his face as he hears ‘draco ohmygosh that was the best. your cake decos are on point! d’ya think he’ll ever bully me again?’. that confirms his suspicions. she did play this prank on him. and it makes him feel fuzzy inside.

his face then contorts into a frown. she thinks he bullies her? 

“i wouldn’t say he bullies you, y/n.”

he smiles. never mind.

“but it isss! i can assure you, there is absolutely nothing nice ‘bout being called a frame!”

fred snorts at the time y/n had been gushing adorably over a picture frame that was embellished with gold and bronze flowers to angelina. he had went over and in an attempt to catch her attention, said ‘you’re a frame’.

sure, he was good at flirting, but not to the girls he really really liked. 

“that’s fucking funny,” malfoy laughs. 

“oh shut it draco, your face is funny. but yeah, i should probably ask him to start fresh.”

he decides to interrupt their conversation. 

“ask who to start fresh?” he butts in. 

y/n doesn’t even look surprised, “in fact, you, fred, because i’m not really sure if i’ve done anything wrong to you or anything, and by my memory i don’t think i have and you keep being rude and stuff. if i have, i’m really sorry for it and i’m sorry that i hurt you and all. if we can y’know, start over, and maybe be friends?” she catches the unreadable look in fred’s eyes and hesitates, “or maybe not, that’s okay, we don’t need to!” she gives a small laugh, “er, sorry for ever bringing it up?”

the earnestness of her tone and the wistful look in her eyes makes fred fall a little harder. ever since he saw her nervously fiddling with her robes in first year, he’s been smitten. 

there’s a silence. malfoy has slipped off, the sneaky bastard. 

fred simply takes y/n’s hand, giving her a look as if to ask for permission. 

she swallows and nods. 

they’re in the courtyard, which is sunny and light. flowers are blooming everywhere. 

“can i kiss you?” fred asks.

y/n’s eyebrows go up. “what?”

“can i kiss you?” fred repeats patiently. 

“as in kiss? k-i-s-s?” y/n asks, eyes wide with suspicion and curiosity.

“yep,” he chuckles, “crazy, aren’t i?”

“yeah, you’re crazy.”

“really? can i kiss you?”

“i’ve never really kissed anyone.”

“i guessed that.”

her eyebrows furrowed in hurt, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i’ll tell you if you let me kiss you.”

“there better be a good reason because i was saving it for someone special.”

“i need a yes, love.”

she huffs, “yes.” she won’t tell him that she has a crush on him, because to be honest, she still isn’t sure if this is a prank or not.

she surprised when fred tilts her head up ever so gently, a smile on his face.

this kiss is short and sweet. he tastes like cinnamon.

when they’ve let go, fred notices the light pink dusted over her cheeks. he smirks. 

“you have to tell me why you thought i’ve never kissed anyone,” she said, eyes flashing in deep thought.

“such a beautiful person as you does not deserve kisses from anyone.”

“...” 

fred took this as a sign to go on. “the reason i’ve always teased you endlessly is because i want your attention. i didn’t think you’d give it to me any other way. if you haven’t noticed, i’m in love with you. i think you’re absolutely beautiful, both ways. i love it when you frown and get annoyed, even if you rarely do, i love it when you study so hard your face makes this really concentrated look. i love it especially when you laugh and smile and joke and play pranks. even if they’re on me.”

“...” she was studying his movements. inside her brain, a frenzy was going on. part of her brain- the ever so optimistic part, was screaming happily, and the logical part was using body language to analyse whether he was lying or not.

eyes? their honey brown colour was glistening with affection and truth, an expression so dainty on his face. 

a quaint little smile was on his lips, a small one, a genuine one. it was different to all the other smiles she’d seen him smile. 

he wasn’t acting, she decided. if he was, he should take up a job in broadway. 

“y/n?”

her brows were furrowed. she’d never been confessed to as genuinely as this before. 

if they started this type of relationship would he still be mean and insult her all the time?

“i-i need time. to figure this out.”

he doesn’t look disappointed, she thinks. instead he looks down at her with... adoration?

“of course, sweetness, anything, i’ll wait for you.”

she smiles, “thank you, freddie.” 

☆

it’s been a few days since fred’s confessed to her. she’s still unsure if he was joking or not. why?

at this moment, she’s watching him giggle with angelina johnson. it seems like he’s forgotten everything and anything. he’s gotten closer to her. maybe he’s lost feelings for y/n? she can’t blame angie, she’s a wonderful girl. if he likes her, that’s fine too. suddenly her feelings for him become very clear. she like-likes him. and it’s a bit too late.

but maybe he doesn’t like angie in that way? maybe he’s still into her? 

y/n knows molly weasley raises her children with patience. she should trust that fred’s waiting for her. 

but then again, she’s never gonna be as special as angie johnson. she’s just a ever so polite and outgoing nerd. someone who’s foolish enough to prank. angie’s smart, confident and funny and terribly patient. and effortlessly beautiful. she’s got the true gryffindor touch. and angie’s been one of fred’s best friends since day one. she’s always gonna be number 1. 

that’s ok. she’ll accept it. she likes angie anyway. it was probably a joke anyway. 

she couldn’t be jealous, just a bit dismayed that it wasn’t genuine. whatever, she thinks. we can just go back to how we were before. or not. 

and it’s relatively easy. they never really saw much of each other anyway. she’ll get over this tiny little liking. 

it’ll just be like normal. none of this happened. none of it. she grimaces bitterly, damning fred for his stupid games. should’ve known this was another of his pranks. but his acting though, certainly very good. 

she smiles to herself.

“knock it off, y/n, you’re here to learn, not to love.”

and that answer, is satisfactory. 

she gets up from her spot on the gryffindor table rather abruptly, saying goodbye to her friends, and makes her way to the kitchens. she knows she won’t be alone, she’ll talk to hansel and gretel, the twins that cook with the house elves every dinner.

they’re cleaning up as she walks in, book in hand. 

“hi hans, g!” she calls, as she rolls up the sleeves of her sweater to help them with the dishes. 

“y/n!” gretel gives her a hug with soapy arms and y/n giggles.

“how are both of you?” y/n asks. 

“good, good, potions though...” hansel trails off and they all laugh.

“potions is always like that,” y/n agrees, “it’s supposed to be really hard for newts, so you can’t really blame the subject.”

“i’m thinking of dropping divination,” gretel says.

“yeah, that’s wise, gretel buns,” hansel teases and gretel scowls. 

“divination is an easy subject, gretel, you just need to make random stuff up. i saw this weird bear thing in polly’s tea leaves, it wasn’t in the textbook. i told trelawney it was a symbol that a stranger would come and whip polly off her feet, with a whip the colour of the rarest german emeralds, leaving her absolutely smitten. i got full marks,” y/n laughs. 

they laugh too, and soon a light flowing conversation is shared over cups of hot chocolate. 

this is repeated for quite a few days and y/n even invites polly, marla and lenox, her best friends, to join. it’s a delicate, nice kind of week, one that suits her current struggles. 

when the weekends roll around, hansel and gretel suggest that they all sit at the hufflepuff table. they share jokes and quips over the food, y/n reading a book as she bites happily into apple pie.

“pfft,” her lips upturn ever so slightly at the quote that the character makes. 

fred watches her from the gryffindor table, utterly confused. y/n’s been avoiding him. he sees the flashes of hurt that run through her eyes whenever she sees him, and the quick grin that’s far too fake that follows. she’s been reading a lot more and he never sees her anymore. 

he wonders what he’s doing wrong. so as he sees her walking with her friends to hogsmeade, he calls for her. 

“y/n!”

her friends giggle as they see him, but she gives him a fleeting glance and raises her eyebrows at them, shaking her head, before profusely apologising to each one of them.

she approaches him warily, with all practicality in mind. she leads with her heart, but her head protects her. 

fool me once, shame on you.

fool me twice, shame on me.

“you’ve been avoiding me,” he states.

“what would you expect?” she snaps, “isn’t this all a good laugh for you anyway?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“you know what i mean, this was all a joke, wasn’t it? fooling my poor little heart which you know has a crush on you. my head simply won’t allow it. admit it, and we can both move on with our lives,” her tone is sharp and cold, her eyes burning with fury and hurt, “i may seem gullible, and i am,” she gave a short laugh, “but when i notice, don’t even try to lie.”

“this wasn’t a joke, love.”

“don’t call me that, and you and i both know it is. your acting though, absolutely superb!” 

“what makes you think this was a prank, y/n? you were the one who asked for time.”

“yes, and the time made me realise that i had feelings for you despite all the teasing AND the fact you couldn’t possibly be genuine!” y/n says exasperatedly, her fury dissolving quickly, “you looked so in place with angie and everyone that it’s so obviously some sort of fun thing you did to try to get back at me!”

“angie?”

“a-and everyone else.”

“angie?” fred’s eyes were amused.

“you know, angelina, as in johnson.”

“angie?”

y/n shrugs, “you did bring her to the yule ball last year.”

“angie??!!!” fred was full on smirking now, as if trying to receive a real response. 

“i think you like her, okay?! are we done here? i’d very much like a good book from f&b,” y/n sighs. 

“i’ll accompany you to flourish and botts. why would you think i like her? didn’t i just confess to you?”

“yeah but it seemed kinda...” y/n trails off, not wanting her insecurities to come off as compliment fishing, “kinda far-fetched.”

“meaning?” fred knows exactly what she means.

“you know!” 

“oh but i don’t,” he smiles innocently.

“well, you’re you!” 

“is that supposed to be an insult?” he asks, faking a look of hurt rather well as y/n looks alarmed. 

“no, no, as in, you’re nice to look at, and you’ve always insulted me and been so nice and cool to everyone. are you for real?”

“nice to look at?” a cocky grin is on his face now, much more noticeable than the slight blush that was creeping up his face.

“is that the only thing you could pick up?” 

“nice to look at? what’s up with me repeating myself today?”

y/n lets out an agitated sigh. he doesn’t know, he’s blunt and straightforward. she likes cushioning her words.

“y’know, handsome? good looking?”

“my middle names.” another smirk to conceal the blushing. 

y/n smiles. “of course, everyone knows it.”

it makes fred uncomfortable. her light tone is a bit menacing too. 

“only joking.”

“i’m sure everyone does know it, darling.”

y/n is too busy looking at the dog that passes by to hear him, rambling quietly to herself over the cute scottish terrier.

“sorry, what was that?”

“aren’t i cuter than the dog?”

“nup.”

“really?” fred casually slings an arm over y/n’s shoulders, having to stoop a little lower to reach her.

“i think so.”

“well i’ll tell you something love, i think you’re absolutely stunning.”

“some love potion you’re on.”

“uh huh, the love potion is called love, sweetness.”

“so you’re for real?”

“as real as you and me.”

“you’re cheesy. this isn’t a prank right?”

“not at all, i love you.”

“i-i don’t think i love you just yet, but i think it’s possible,” y/n bites her lip, anxiously awaiting his response.

she tilts her head to look at him. 

he’s beaming. he looks more handsome than ever, a sweet smile etched on his face as he looks down at her in utter adoration.

“you have a crush on me!” he pulls her into a hug and giggles like a little girl, kissing the top of her head.

she’s engulfed by the smell of burning wood and cinnamon and immediately feels safe in his strong arms. 

“how’d you say we go on a date? so i can show how sorry i am for all the times i called you googly eyes and played pranks on you.”

“i’ll check to see if the girls are okay with it,” y/n replies, turning her head to see her friends. they’re gone. 

“they are. i asked them to shoo off before i approached you. is that a yes?”

y/n nods, “of course, freddie.”

“i love you.”

she laughs, “you really are april’s fool.”

“i’m your april’s fool.” 

he buries his nose in the crook of her neck to stop her from seeing his blushing red face. 

[weasleyswizardpleases]

Funny Girl (Fred x reader, George x reader)

Summary: Being serious has never been your thing, but when you find yourself at the center of a conflict that tears Fred and George apart in the midst of the second wizarding war, it’s hard to find something to laugh about.

Warnings/Notes: Language, kissing, violence mentions, love triangle?, angst, arguing. Vaguely conceptually inspired by the musical of the same name. Written for @acosmis-t​ ‘s 2.2k writing challenge! 

You’re sitting with George outside of Lee Jordan’s flat, waiting for Fred to finish recording Potterwatch so you can all three grab dinner. You listen absentmindedly on a small radio George produces from his coat pocket, fiddling with your wand. 

“Rapier,” you laugh, “I know it’s called ‘pirate’ radio but it is a bit swashbuckling, don’t you think?” you say, poking fun at the moniker Fred’s chosen for the program.

“I suppose Lee thinks so too, this makes it the third program in a row where he’s called Freddie ‘Rodent’ instead. I’d laugh if we didn’t have the same last name!”

“Well, it suits you both. You’re devious as a couple of weasels and fuzzy, too,” you say, prodding at George’s springy ginger hair playfully. He grins and brushes you off, but your touch seems to stir something in him.

“What is it, did I hit your factory reset button or something?” George smiles halfheartedly, but his brooding becomes more apparent as he tries to cover it up. “C’mon, what’re you pouting about Georgie?”

“Y/n, I have to tell you something,” he says. Your heart sinks at the words. It sounds oddly serious.

“Oh, this can’t be good news,” you mutter, looking at him expectantly. He takes a deep breath.

“Well, I suppose it’s up to you whether it’s good or bad. But hey, look, you have to promise not to tell Fred if it winds up being bad.”

“Deal.”

“Y/N,” he says, turning down the radio, “I like you,”

“Well gee, I like you too. We’ve been friends for about nine years and you’re just now figuring out that you like my company? Some people, I swear.”

“No, I like you. I mean, I, uh, I have feelings for you! But it’s complicated.” Your jaw drops and your hand flies to your mouth.

“Oh! What? You mean-”

As you’re searching for the right words, the door swings open and Fred spills out into the hallway, tugging his long winter coat over his slim shoulders. You try to cover your blush, glancing between them. Fred and George. George and Fred. Your two best friends since first year, your greatest confidants, and now, the two people you trust most amidst the terror of the war. You know instinctively that to be with George would be to close a door to Fred, not just in terms of romance but also friendship. 

“Later,” you hiss excitedly in George’s ear. Fred eyes the two of you suspiciously, but before he can say anything, you’re mocking him boisterously. 

“Good show, Rodent!” you say, clapping him roughly on the back. George composes himself nervously and follows as you and Fred turn to leave. “How about a hunk of cheese? I’ll take you out for something real nice, maybe a wheel of gruyere,” you add. Fred chuckles and throws his arm around you. You’ve always had a more physical friendship with Fred, whether it’s snuggling on the couch or shoving each other about over who gets the better seat on the train. You hope that he can’t feel how tense George’s proposition has made you, and you wriggle out of his arms and jog ahead playfully. 

Because of the affectionate nature of your relationship, you’ve always suspected that Fred may have feelings for you, but never George. You’re blindsided by his confession, and you know it’ll only come between you. Your train of thought is interrupted when the boys ask if you want to come back to theirs for dinner instead of going out. You agree absentmindedly, and Fred steps away to call for takeaway. You willfully ignore George’s pointed glances and look around airily. 

“Y/N,” George says quietly, but forcefully. You sigh.

“Is there something wrong, George?” you say at a normal volume.

“Hush, would you? Well, have I made you uncomfortable or something? You’re being odd, Fred will wonder what’s the matter.”

“You haven’t told Fred?” you sing loudly, hoping to pull the other twin into the conversation. George smacks his forehead and groans, but Fred isn’t paying any attention.

“Y/N, can’t you be serious for one second?”

“Bloody hell, can’t you let me alone for one second?” you snap, surprised at the bite in your voice. George cowers and frowns, but Fred returns before the conversation can continue.

The next few weeks are relatively normal, and you begin to think that your strategy of avoiding any acknowledgement whatever of George’s advances is working. You avoid spending any time alone with George. Most people wouldn’t think it, but you know the twins keep secrets from each other sometimes, like any siblings do, and he obviously hasn’t told Fred about his feelings.

While you’re evading intimate moments with George, you take time to think: do you have feelings for him? The answer is, of course, yes. You’ve always thought he was more classically handsome than his brother, even though a lot of your classmates still couldn’t tell one from the other after years living with them. George’s face is slightly longer and more defined, and the severity of his features can be quite striking, in the right lighting. He’s also always struck you as more outwardly sensitive and caring, in that he notices your feelings more readily. If you’re having a bad day, George is the one to lend a listening ear. He’s seen you at your worst and apparently likes you quite a lot in spite of it.

Fred, on the other hand, is more like you in every way: he’s the louder one of the twins, more boisterous, a bit rougher looking. Like you, it takes a lot to ruffle his feathers, but once something gets to him, he’s quick to anger. Your tempers have rarely led you to fight, but when it’s happened George has always been there to smooth things out between the two of you. You’d even say that you’re slightly closer to Fred, although your relationship with him is more intuitive than your friendship with George- with George, you explain yourself, but with Fred, there’s no need. 

You’re pondering the situation on the boys’ sofa when Fred bursts through the door, looking quite cheeky. His shifty eyes belie some sort of mischief.

“Alright! Out with it, or I’m leaving before you get me with the bucket over the door trick again! I haven’t got any dry clothes,” you pout.

“Who’s to say there’s anything to tell?”

“I’ll believe that when you wipe the smirk off your face,” you counter. 

“What smirk?” he says, blushing. You raise your wand defensively. 

“Hey! I pinky promise, I’m not planning on pranking you,” he says. You wiggle your wand, raising an eyebrow.

“What are you planning, then? Tell me or I’m tying your shoelaces together with this thing.” 

“Fine, but would you put the wand down? It’s not a prank, I promise.” he moves to sit on the couch and you cower, giggling, sure that he’s at least going to go in for a tickle. 

“I’m not gonna tickle you!” he exclaims, but wiggles his fingers in your direction. The mere idea of it makes you shake desperately with laughter. 

“Stop! Ah! Liar!! Oh! Fred!!!” He lowers his hand. You eye him suspiciously. He sighs. You nod at his hands, as if telling him to put them away. He sighs again and sits on them. You regain your composure cautiously, but as soon as you look away he’s tickling your relentlessly, his hands at your ribcage. You howl with laughter, kicking and rolling away from him, but it’s no use. He pins you under his body on the couch and shoves one hand in your armpit. You’re nearly crying with laughter now.

“Mercy! Uncle! Ah!” you cry, and he pauses. His hips are situated between your thighs, which you’ve been trying to use to push him away, and his face is close to yours. 

“You want me to stop?” he asks teasingly, ghosting a hand over your ribcage, causing you to burst with laughter again. 

“Please! Fred!” He looks around, as if to an imaginary audience.

“What can I say, I know how to make a girl beg,” he says smugly. You swat him, bringing on another round of tickles, this time one hand at the nape of your neck and the other on your waist. You feel a bulge in Fred’s pants that makes you feel warm inside. The excitement of your scuffle has made you feel a bit happy go lucky. In another pause, you look up at Fred invitingly, even tilting your body into his just slightly. It’s not something you think about- you just do it.

He takes your invitation and suddenly his lips are on yours and it’s not a joke anymore, it’s just a really great kiss, rough and wet and full. His hips press into yours and you can feel his cock hardening. You keep going for a long time, too long, before you pull away. 

“Fred,” you say, panting with shock and excitement.

“Y/n,” he says, the same emotions playing across his face.

“We can’t.”

“Why not?” he says, running a hand over your thigh.

“George…”

“No love, I’m Fred, good guess though!” he kisses your neck softly and you push him away.

“Freddie! I’m serious, I don’t want to.” He looks at you, confused and resigned, and pulls away. You stand up and straighten your clothes.

“Well, I’ll be off then. Say, be a doll and don’t mention this to anyone?” You say in a droll transatlantic accent. You groan internally. Why are you being so weird right now? You slip into your shoes and shut the door behind you, your heart pounding.

You’ve never been much on dating. 18, still a virgin, only kissed one boy, your date to the Yule Ball. Most men view you as a friend, nothing more. You’re a bit funny looking, and you’ve never gotten anything on looks alone; it’s your personality that wins you friends. That’s how you became friends with Fred and George- you were a class clown, just like them, and the three of you have always been well liked for it. Fred and George, though, were tall and handsome, and unlike you, had a lot of luck where romance was concerned. Their girlfriends were always jealous of you, but you thought nothing of it, since you were practically one of the boys. You see now that they were right. How odd.

You’re so wrapped up in your thoughts that you don’t hear George coming up the stairwell as you’re descending, and nearly bump into him on the landing. 

“Oopsie!” you squeal. Oof, you think. I sound like a babbling idiot. “Oopsie poopsie!” you add, thinking that if you make it clear that it’s a little joke it’ll be less of a weird thing to say. George completely ignores your muttering and advances toward you, backing you into the corner.

“Y/n,” he says softly.

“George.”

“You’re blushing.”

“You’re standing on my foot.” He jumps back and looks down. He is not standing on your foot. “Gotcha!” you say, flicking him on the nose.

“You smell like cologne,” he says, inhaling.

“So do you.” He laughs softly and you scoot backwards, hoping to resist a second romantic encounter. He looks very handsome in the dim lighting of the stairwell, his eyes glimmering. You’re so close now that you’re nearly touching. You draw a deep breath, and before you can speak his lips are on yours. He’s softer and slower than Fred, but his kiss is deep and erotic. His hands move to the small of your back and caress you gently. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up as his lips move from your lips to your chin to your neck to your breast. You sigh with delight, but you hear the door at the top of the stairs open and push him away. You look up to see Fred, his face dark and crestfallen. You could crack the tension in the air with a spoon. You wrack your brain for a way to diffuse the tension, landing on jazz hands and a wry smile.

The boys frown, ignoring you, seemingly beginning to realize the situation. They look at each other in silence for a moment. “Tough crowd,” you mutter. 

“Oh, I see,” Fred says stormily. “Fine, you’re all his then.”

“What?” George asks, confused.

“You see the way I look at her. You had to know how I feel.”

“How could I know if you didn’t tell me? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I thought if I told you, you might tell her! With your little late night conversations and all,” Fred says accusingly.

“How can you be jealous of me talking to our friend when you’re practically feeling her up at every opportunity?”

“It was never like that!” you protest.

“Not until today,” Fred counters. “Or did you forget about that when you ran into my brother?”

“Wait a second, did you two…?” George glances between the two of you suspiciously. 

“No!” you and Fred say in unison.

“We just kissed,” Fred says sheepishly. “Don’t worry though, I only beat you to her by a few seconds! You know what, come on up to the flat, we can take turns if that’s how it’s going to be!” He’s drunk with anger, his jaw clenched tightly.

“Oh my god! I just realized something!” you exclaim loudly, silencing both of them. You pause and drink in the quiet. “You two blokes look just alike!” you say in a thick cockney accent. George shrugs at you tiredly as if to say what the fuck. Fred spits as he turns to retreat to the flat.

“Go home, Y/n,” he says, shutting the door loudly. George just sighs as he stalks back downstairs, and you hear the bell ring as he exits through the front door of the shop. You slump to the ground, embarrassed and somehow feeling guilty in spite of the fact that you aren’t sure what you could have done to fix things between the three of you.

“I wonder if they’re related,” you mumble innocently, looking around at your audience of none. Why is it, you wonder, that you’re always funniest when nobody is around to hear it?

[omgbubbletea]

Dating George Weasley Would Include

Let’s get one thing straight, it doesn't matter what house you're in

Sure, it would be a bonus if you were in Gryffindor because that would mean he wouldn't have to sneak into your common room to be with you 

Blood status also doesn't matter to him

If he loves you, he loves all of you

The reason you and George are together is all thanks to Fred 

He had grown sick and tired of George constantly talking about you 

How pretty you were 

How nice you smelled 

How he felt butterflies every time you smiled at him 

The boy must have been in-love or something

On the other hand, Fred had found out you had feelings for George by constantly bugging you on the subject till you cracked and told him

Being the oblivious pair George and you were, neither of you had realised the others feelings 

This is when Fred decided to take matters into his own hands 

His plan consisted of locking both you and George in a janitors closet until you both confessed your feelings 

He had told you guys to meet him in this particular closet for an emergency meeting

With the two of you being so ignorant, you walked into this closet, wondering where Fred was and why he had chosen such a weird place to meet 

As soon as you guys crossed the line, that’s when Fred had locked the door 

“Fred! what are you doing? Let us out!” (you and George started to yell)

“If you guys want out, then there’s something you should get off your chest first”

You both knew instantly what he was talking about 

Fred’s plan was almost fool-proof except for the fact that both you and George had your wands and could just alohomora your way out 

Oh, wait...

Fred had known you too well and knew you both always left your wands in the dorm during free time before dinner 

“Fred this isn't funny”(George was starting to get on edge)

“Do you hear me laughing?”

The closet was small(but who said you found it a problem(; )

A couple of minutes passed 

“Look (y/n)...”(George began to say slowly)

“I- I like you”

“I like you a lot, more than a friend probably should”(was that his heart pounding in his chest George could hear?)

At that moment your head shot up to meet his gaze 

Did he just confess his feeling to you?

Did he feel the same?

Hope began to form in your heart 

“George...”(he was ready for his heart to be broken)

“I’ve felt that way since I first met you”(a smile began to break on your face)

When I tell you that that boys smile lit up the room 

Nothing more was shared at that moment except for a hungry kiss 

He had been craving your lips for awhile now 

Of-course the moment only lasted so long before Fred swung the door open

“Ew, gross guys!”

The two of you just grinned 

If you are not in Gryffindor, then your days usually consisted of sneaking into the others common room

It’s a usual thing

Cuddling on the couch 

Playing board games 

Your friends(and others in your house) are used to seeing George around 

Surprisingly, you guys have never been caught(thanks to the marauders' map)

He’s always waiting outside of the common room so you guys can walk to breakfast together

You guys always sit next to each other in the great hall

If you are in a different house, he will walk you to your common room at the end of the day and give you a kiss goodnight(which usually gets a bit heated)

Pet names

Darling and gorgeous are his most used

You can’t help but get butterflies every-time those words roll of his tongue

“Well hello gorgeous” 

Small forms of PDA

Hand holding 

Arm around your shoulder 

Arm around your waist 

Temple kisses 

Cheek kisses 

Knuckle kisses 

He LOVES it when you play with his hair and just melts into your touch 

I have a theory that the twins give the BEST hugs

Bear hugs that engulf you

Hugs from behind where he pulls you closer to him

(and he’s always so warm...like what?)

You love wearing his jumpers

Yes, they are always baggy on you

You love the smell of them though(strawberries, vanilla and a bit of a smoky hint)because it’s just like having George there

He gives you one of his jumpers to keep so you would stop stealing all his other ones

It’s your favourite item of clothing and you always wear it to bed

Your first “I love you” came out of nowhere

The two of you were in the common room studying for an upcoming test

You should have been in your bed by now but of-course this test was more important than your exhaustion

With papers strewn across the table and your hand cramping from writing, you continued with your work, although George had stopped

Suddenly, you had become aware of him gazing at you

“Can I help you?”

“It’s nothing, you’re just...so beautiful”

You couldn’t help the blush that bloomed on your cheeks

“I love you”

The phrase was just audible

You had looked up in shock unsure if you had heard right

George was yet to comprehend what he had said when it all hit him

“Oh (y/n), I’m sorry! It just sort of slipt out- I didn’t mean to say it- I mean I want to say it because I love you but not that-”

You just chuckled at his constant rambling

“George, calm down, I love you too”

“I don’t want to make you se- wait, what did you just say?”

“I love you too”(you said it gently)

“Really..?”(he didn't sound too convinced)

In gesture, you gave him a sweet kiss, melting into the moment

It seemed to calm his mind

Spending summer and Christmas at the burrow

Molly loves you 

She knits one of her famous sweaters for you for Christmas  

If you are muggle-born(or even half-blood), Arthur loves when you tell stories about muggle life 

When Ron was younger, he had a BIG crush on you 

Now when he thinks about it, he just gets embarrassed

Ginny looks up to you(and thinks you're a bad bish)

You and Ginny love to have sleepovers together and gossip about all the people in Hogwarts

You also get filled in on all her latest “love life” with Harry  

Fred is one of your best and closest friends 

He is happy that George found someone to make him happy 

You’re Fred’s wing-women(although he doesn't agree because you haven’t done the best of jobs)

You guys love to tease George together 

Although it’s mainly just Fred teasing you and George 

“Can you guys get a room?!”

It was in those moments that Fred may have regretted locking you guys in that closet 

As much as he loves you, he does get a bit tired of hearing George talk about you all-day(nothing changed since he confessed his feelings for you)  

Lee is also a close friend to you 

It was only inevitable for you guys to bond with the twins being best friends with him

Many times have the two of you tried to get back at Fred and George with a prank 

Sadly, the twins somehow always manage to know what you guys are planning 

Let’s just say they prank you guys twice as hard for trying to outdo the masters 

The twins are always playing “light” pranks on you 

From dying your hair bright pink

To slipping a small amount of love potion into your drink 

It’s always a risk being around the two of them 

They love to get you involved in their pranks 

This usually means standing guard though):

You remember this one time in potions when you were first learning about amortentia

There was a fresh batch of it at the front of the class and everyone around the room was trying to get a whiff 

“Do I even have to ask what it smells like to you darling?” 

You closed your eyes and gave a sharp inhale 

“Vanilla, candy apples and amber” (you had said it so innocently)

George’s face was painted in horror 

“What?!” 

He was in disbelief because he KNEW he didn’t smell of amber or vanilla 

“CEDRIC?!” (the twins spoke rather loudly in unison)

“But- I- wha-”(George began to stutter on)

At that point, you couldn’t hold in your laughter any longer 

“I’m only joking!”

When I tell you how quick that boy calmed down 

“Oh thank Merlin”

That was revenge for staining your teeth blue for a whole week!

In all honesty, the pained look on George’s face when he realised you may not love him pained your heart 

On the other hand, Fred thought it was hilarious 

(If) you play quidditch for Gryffindor, then you are a chaser, otherwise, you are whatever position you got placed into 

If you are not in Gryffindor, then you are always watching the quidditch game and supporting the twins(unless it’s your house playing)

He loves to find you in the crowd 

You’re his #1 fan 

Steamy kisses after the game

If they win the game then it’s going to be a lot more than kissing(;

He has ended up in the hospital wing a couple of times because of the game

It has never been too serious but you still can’t help but worry for him 

“You know, even with a black eye and bloody face, I’m still the better-looking twin”

Fred just cracked up 

“He must still be a bit loopy from all that pain killer”

If you don’t play quidditch, then George has defiantly tried to teach you

It didn’t go too well

You ended up falling off the broom at only 1 meter off the ground

Face-planted into the grass

Ended with you having a dislocated jaw

George felt guilty for the rest of the month and wouldn't stop apologising

Meanwhile, Fred had fallen on his ass from laughing too hard

Trips to Hogsmeade

Raiding Honeydukes

Dates at the Three Broomsticks

Drinking enough butterbeer to get tipsy 

Lots of puns and dad jokes 

You were once learning how to produce a Patronus in DA when someone had just spelled a deer

You looked over at George to see him struggling a bit with the spell

And that’s when the awful pun left his mouth

“Oh deer, I just can’t seem to produce a Patronus” 

You tried to hold in your laugh 

“Shove off Weasley”

He takes you to the Yule Ball

It’s a magical night 

Full of dancing 

Screaming the lyrics to the songs playing 

Drinking fire whisky that Fred had smuggled in

Drunk snogging to the point where Snape found you guys and took 5 points off each of you 

Dancing around the common room 

Sneaking into the kitchens to steal food 

Tickle fights(I feel like George is very ticklish)

Swimming in the Black Lake on a dare 

Snowball fights in the winter 

He never fails to make you laugh

He is more of the shy, reserved twin 

Sometimes you just have to remind him that he is loved and noticed 

He will compare himself to Fred and it will never be positive 

You will reassure him and hold him for however long he needs

If what he needs is a good vent then you are ready to listen no matter what you are doing 

He is more important 

He is also more of the jealous twin 

Don’t get me wrong, he won't go all psycho boyfriend when he sees another guy talking to you 

He respects you and knows you would never leave him for someone else 

But if there is flirting going on or the guy is trying to make a move 

Let’s just say his temper won't last long 

“Hello darling”

Que passionate kiss between George and you 

“Sorry mate, she’s already taken”

You had never seen a guys face go paler 

Or seen George go so smug 

He always knows what to do when you're sad

He will listen to your every last word if you have to vent 

Or he will hold you in his arms for hours while whispering sweet nothings into your ear if all you want to do is cry it out 

By the end of it, you can't help but feel just a little bit better because of him 

He loves to hear about your day and you can’t deny that he is the best listener

He low key has separation anxiety  

He LOVES to spoon

Definitely the big spoon

Although he can’t help but love to be the little spoon sometimes 

“Hey um...Do you mind if we?...”

“You wanna be the little spoon?”

“Yes please...”

He’s smiling on the inside 

He may be a little shy in public but he’s a freak in the sheets if you know what I mean(;

He’s usually top but it drives him crazy if you switch rolls 

I feel like he’s a hair puller?

Will always make sure you’re comfortable with everything 

Super gentle at times 

But also can be rough... 

Would never do anything that would hurt you 

Lots of cuddling after 

He loves to give you flowers just to see you get all flustered

One time he stole flowers from the school grounds

Little did he know, Mcgonagall had seen the whole thing

“Mr Weasley, are those flowers from Professor Sprout’s greenhouse?”

The look on his face was a dead give away

“Funny story actually Professor...”

Let’s just say it wasn’t the funniest of stories

Braiding his longer hair 

Showers together 

Piggyback rides to class

Studying in the library with Fred(but he usually just gets bored and leaves)

He reads to you 

Basically he is perfect in every way and will love you till the end 

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

4th of July: John Laurens and Slavery, and why we shouldn’t idolize him

I’ve written several drafts of posts trying to explain John Laurens’s complicated relationship with slavery and, in a broader sense, how the hypocrisy of freedom for our country--while denying the freedom of enslaved people--has led directly to the situation we find ourselves in now, in terms of race in America.

I’ve struggled with even going there, because I’m trying to focus on the present now, not the past. But I firmly believe that America can only fix its present once we’ve faced our past. And I want this information on my blog. John Laurens was not a perfect man, not even close. He was an abolitionist, yes. But how he came to these views is complicated and his personal conduct towards African-Americans is often troubling. Too often, in fact, the racist ideas of his era are visible in his writings.

There’s lots out there about not glorifying or idolizing historical figures, such as Thomas Jefferson, Washington, and other slave-owners.

This is becoming particularly clear today, with the truth of violent systemic racism in America finally becoming more fully recognized. When people watch videos of a black man begging for his life under the knee of a policeman, that brutality becomes undeniable.

But John Laurens is often exempt from this “historical disclaimer” of sorts. In the world of the Hamilton fandom and even more broadly in history, he becomes The Abolitionist, a White Savior figure who abhorred slavery and fought for racial justice, no exceptions, no fine print.

But there is a fine print for John Laurens. And it is a vital one to examine, because it shows us the importance of carrying our beliefs into our personal lives, not just our political ones.

First, let’s acknowledge the circumstances John was born into.

South Carolina, where he was born in 1754, was a southern colony, and as such relied mainly on agriculture in its economy. The rich plantation owners were the pinnacle of society. Washington’s family is an example of one such rich and powerful plantation owning family. The wealth and standing in society of these men led to positions in the government. And a man who illustrates this perfectly is none other than Henry Laurens.

Henry Laurens, John Laurens’s father, was, despite his pleading to the contrary, a significant slave owner and slave trader. Though in his private life he claimed to dislike slavery, he co-owned the largest slave-trading house in North America, Austin & Laurens. It doesn’t matter what he thought, or claimed to think. What matters is what he did.

Henry Laurens owned between close to three hundred slaves. His attitude toward the treatment of his own slaves was dehumanizing, self-righteous, and willfully ignorant. He chose to look upon himself as a “good” slave owner, rather than actually face the horrors he was perpetrating. He wrote in a letter that he’d rather treat his slaves “with Humanity” and make “less Rice” than “submit to the Charge of one who should make twice as much rice & exercise any degree of Cruelty towards those poor Creatures who look up to their Master as their Father, their Guardian, & Protector.” What Henry is trying to say here (to my reading) is that he’d rather his plantation produce less of a crop and not work his slaves too hard than treat his slaves cruelly to produce more profit.

Henry Laurens, in an attitude that is all too familiar today,  consistently chose to think of himself as an exception to the problem rather than as part of the problem. He was quick to talk up abolition and condemn cruel treatment of enslaved people. But when it came to his own slaves, he insisted that “my Servants are as happy as Slavery will admit of, none run away, the greatest punishment to a defaulter is to sell him.”

I don’t know how John’s mother, Eleanor Ball Laurens, viewed slavery, but she also came from a large slave-owning family. Even if she personally didn’t approve of the practice wholeheartedly, she benefitted directly from slavery and married someone in the slave trade.

So this is the life John Laurens was born into. A life of incredible privilege, sourced directly from the the slave trade and the labor of kidnapped and enslaved Africans. This is the first thing that needs acknowledging in terms of John’s relationship with slavery. He was able to accomplish much of what he did because of his social standing and wealth as the son of a very powerful South Carolinian, powerful mostly because of his standing in Southern society.

John was able to get his education in Europe because of slavery. He was able to use his father’s influence to become an aide-de-camp to George Washington. His social standing and quality of life all stood upon the backs of slaves.

Because of this background, John was exposed to the brutal truths of slavery since he could understand the world around him. Is this how he came into his abolitionist views? It absolutely could be. But it is more likely that John first became serious about abolition when he was taken to Europe for his education. He attended a school in Geneva, a cosmopolitan place that was very open to new ideas. Being an abolitionist was not considered as radical there as it was in the Southern Colonies, and there was more writing on the subject of abolition, including a poem by Thomas Day, an abolitionist patriot, whom John was friends with.

So John’s serious thoughts on abolition may have partly been a product of being away from a place where slavery seen as a part of life and being in a place which was more open to abolition. John may have thought slavery wrong for a long time, but lacked adequate support to be vocal about it.

Significantly though, John did not abandon his beliefs when he returned to America. He continued to be a vocal abolitionist, and unlike his father Henry, confronted actual slave owners and tried to convince them to free their slaves… including his boss, General George Washington.

He also converted Lafayette into an ardent abolitionist, and Lafayette, even after Laurens’s death, stuck to these beliefs. He later in life even bought a plantation and ran it with the labor of paid black people, to prove it could be done.

But once we get to the war, we must also talk about Shrewsberry.

John didn’t own slaves, technically. But his father dispatched two of his slaves to serve as John’s valets during the war, one of whom was named Shrewsberry. (Something to note: I am not sure if these slaves were paid or not. I would assume not, and I have yet to find a record of payment, if it did exist. But if anyone knows more about this, I would love to know the answer, as it’s an important question to think about.)

This alone would mar John’s “perfect abolitionist” image, but it gets more disturbing when you consider how John viewed and treated his valets. I should mention we don’t have a ton of evidence of their living conditions, but what we do have is distressing.

On to the primary evidence: if you read the correspondence between John and his father, a funny/not funny pattern is that John is always requesting clothes, fabric, hair powder, etc., from his father. He usually thanked his father for these items. But here is a quote from a letter John wrote to his father on December 15th, 1777: “Berry received a hunting shirt and a check shirt. If there be any difficulty in getting him winter clothes I believe he can do without.” So while John advocated for black Americans in his public life, his private conduct tells differently.

And this is further evidenced when, after Laurens’ death in 1782, Thadeus Kosciuszco wrote to Nathaniel Greene that John’s slaves (his father's technically, as explained above) were “nacked” and that they were in need of “shirts jackets Breeches.” (“nacked” meaning “naked.”)

While John Laurens was certainly more enlightened than the average man of his time on the subject of slavery, he still had trouble connecting his broader ideas of freedom and emancipation to his personal life. He also wrongly blamed Shrewsberry for the loss of a hat, writing to his father, “Shrewsberry says his hat was violently taken from him by some soldiers as he was carrying his horses to water. If James will be so good as to send him his old laced hat by the bearer I hope he will take better care of it.” The blame for this incident obviously lies upon the soldiers who stole Shrewsberry’s hat, but John acts like Shrewsberry was in the wrong, or somehow that having the hat “violently taken” indicated that Shrewsberry was not taking care of the hat. The automatic and unjust condemnation of Shrewsberry again speaks to how John did have the prejudices of his time period in his head, even as he fought against them in a broader sense.

Later in the war, John left Washington in favor of his home state, South Carolina. He wanted to raise a regiment of slaves to fight for the patriot cause, who would then be emancipated for their service. John had written his father about the idea earlier, saying,

“I would bring about a twofold good, first I would advance those who are unjustly deprived of the Rights of Mankind to a State which would be a proper Gradation between abject Slavery and perfect Liberty—and besides I would reinforce the Defenders of Liberty with a number of gallant Soldiers—Men who have the habit of Subordination almost indelibly impress’d on them, would have one very essential qualification of Soldiers—I am persuaded that if I could obtain authority for the purpose I would have a Corps of such men trained, uniformly clad, equip’d and ready in every respect to act at the opening of the next Campaign…”

Reading through this carefully, we can see some ideas expressed here that are important to note. Firstly, “proper Gradation between abject Slavery and perfect Liberty.” This means that though John did want to free the slaves, he did not think that black people should have the “perfect Liberty” that whites enjoyed. Additionally, when John writes, “Men who have the habit of Subordination indelibly impress’d on them” he is suggesting (to my reading) that because slaves were constantly treated as inferior, they would be good soldiers (I assume because soldiers have to obey their commanding officers.) Honestly, this reads to me like John wanting to take advantage of the cruelty slaves endured because “They’re used to it.”

Henry wrote back that what John was offering was hardly better than slavery, again assuming his attittude of “my slaves are happy.”

John wrote a long letter in return, explaining his reasoning and also basically being like, “dad please support me, dad, please.” But there are also some phrases here, in his letter defending his abolitionist views, that are revealing about the prejudices John harbored. 

He writes, “I confess, indeed, that the minds of this unhappy species must be debased by a servitude, from which they can hope for no relief but death, and that every motive to action but fear, must be nearly extinguished in them.”

Note John’s reference to slaves as a “species” rather than a race. (And, by the way, race is a social construct, not an actual biological thing.) The belief that blacks and whites were separate species was common at the time, and often used by slave traders to justify their actions. And this bit of writing shows that even if John didn’t really believe this wholeheartedly, he at least had the idea in his head. However, later in the letter John does use “race” so it’s a little unclear what he actually believed.

And we can see the belief that black people were not as intellectually capable as white people, owing to their enslavement.

Gregory Massey puts it this way: “Young Laurens reasoned that blacks were not innately inferior to whites; rather, their apparent mental deficiencies resulted from generations of enslavement.”

John goes on, “I have had the pleasure of conversing with you, sometimes, upon the means of restoring [the slaves] to their rights. When can it be better done, than when their enfranchisement may be made conducive to the public good, and be modified, as not to overpower their weak minds?”

What sticks out here is, of course, the assertion that the slaves had “weak minds.”

Essentially, John thought that once black people were allowed to live free, “rescued from a state of perpetual humiliation” as he put it in the same letter, their nature would change to more like whites. Black Patriots and Loyalists: Fighting for Emancipation in the War for Independence by Alan Gilbert states, 

“Nonetheless, John Laurens retained a slave-owner’s perspective about the psychology of blacks at the time. In a 1776 letter to his father, he ignored manifold black acts of resistance and their hunger to be free: ‘There may be some inconvenience and even Danger in advancing Men suddenly from a State of Slavery while possessed of the manners and Principals incident to such a State... too suddenly to the Rights of freedman. [T]he example of Rome suffering from Swarms of bad citizens who were freedmen is a warning to us to proceed with caution.’ [...] The son insisted, however, on the principal that slavery is simply wrong, the immoral shackling of another: ‘The necessity for it is an Argument of the complete Mischief occasioned by our continued Usurpation.’”

But the same book also says, “John Laurens was a practical abolitionist. Favored by nature and fortune, he chose no easy path. He could, for instance, have worked for Washington, recruited a company of white soldiers as his father urged, and still have advocated for the “public good.” Instead, he committed himself to the nobler course of fighting determinedly for abolition.”

However, “18th century abolitionist” usually did not mean someone who believed black and white people were equal and should have the same rights. It meant that you wanted to end slavery. The difference between these views often gets blurred for John Laurens. Saying that John Laurens was an abolitionist is accurate, but he probably did not believe that black and white people should have the exact same rights, at least not at first. That needs to be acknowledged. John was an abolitionist, but it is unclear how much equality he really wanted. 

Only paying attention to his anti-slavery professional life also leads to the idea that it is safe to idolize Laurens, rather than critically examine his complex views on race. The idea forms that he is the one white man from the 18th century we can be fully proud of. The one we can say is our beautiful cinnamon roll without having to confront his relationship with slavery. The fact that John Laurens wanted to help enslaved people gain their freedom doesn’t change the ways in which he benefited from white supremacy, nor how he treated his personal servants, nor the racist ideas he expressed in some of his writings.

This does not mean Laurens was evil, or that you can’t like and admire parts of him. By the standards of other revolutionary figures, like the aforementioned Jefferson and Washington (and Madison and Hamilton to an extent*) Laurens was remarkably enlightened. But also, that in itself is terrible. Like, the idea of a “good guy” from the 18th century is still one that believed that black people had “weak minds” owing to their enslavement. 

If we truly want to reckon with the racial sins of America, and how they originated, we need to see figures like Laurens for all they were. Not just the noble abolitionist, but also the inherently privileged white man whose righteous public crusade was enabled by the very system it sought to end, slavery. We also need to see him as the extremely wealthy young man who regarded the command of his servants as part of the natural order of his life.

I didn’t write this solely for history. John’s story is a reminder to all allies that actions based on our beliefs are important to make in our private lives, as well as public. Yes, it’s important to advocate for racial justice in our public and professional lives. But it’s also important to examine and be honest about our own forms of privilege and the ways in which we have internalized the racism of the world around us. All white people in America benefit from slavery and the systems it was built upon, even those whose forebears came to America long after slavery was abolished. I firmly believe that a step forward for racial justice in the US is simply to acknowledge privilege, because we cannot fix a broken system until we realize all the ways in which it is broken. 

[jackoshadows]

To the anon who send me the messages, thanks for the heads up regarding the podcast. Slightly busy with work, but I did have a listen.

https://www.crowdcast.io/e/james-hibberd-fire

Listened to parts of it. A lot of it amounted to D&D writing for a TV show and adjustments having to be made for a TV show. Pretty much all their decisions were based on making it easier for a TV production rather than based on characters and plot.

Interviewer asks how HBO trusted Benioff and Weiss so much with the show. And Hibberd talks about how HBO liked D and D’s ideas and take on how to do things compared to the department head experts in production and cinematography with their conventional approaches. And hence trusted that the Ds knew creatively what to do.

So basically a lot of the fault lies with HBO heads who placed more importance on production and cinematography than the Ds story telling abilities despite there being no other writers.

Q: How did the Ds convince GRRM that they knew what they were doing?

A: I think George had been pitched by a lot of people who were familiar with his books but did not really know them front to back like he would want somebody to. They talked a lot about the books themselves and showed in that lunch meeting that they had a deep knowledge about what’s going on.

Considering that I can see none of this deep knowledge of the books on the show, I really don’t know how George did during their lunch meeting.

Q: One of the chapters that is interesting in the book is the sort of split that happens on the show from season 5 – the divorce chapter – if you could talk about that?

A: It served as an amicable divorce – the forks in the road. It’s based off quote from David Benioff who basically said that whenever there is a fork in the road between the books and the show and we have to chose between sticking with what’s in the books vs what’s better for the show and we are always going to chose what’s better for the show.

It’s interesting because a lot of it’s based on an assumption. George assumed that the producers would spend just as long adapting AFfC and ADwF as they had on the previous books. Because the fourth and fifth books are huge books. But in those books, he introduced all these new characters and storylines that he finds very integral to the story. But for David and Dan they had already reached a point in season 5 where they had 8 major storylines, thirty series regulars, and were having to bench characters like Bran and the Hound for seasons and even their major actors being paid quite a bit of money had only a few minutes of screentime. So basically they sort of reached the limit for a tv production in terms of what you can do. And so they really had to figure out how to keep the show going and how to end mainly using the pieces they had on the board. So even if the books were out the show would have taken a different path, but also the books were not out. George gave them the rough draft idea of what he was planning but ultimately they had to figure what makes sense best for the show.

The funny thing in this part is the showrunners thinking that Bran and the Hound have the same level of character importance. The guy who ends up on the Iron Throne and the Hound have the same importance. That’s how low down the scale of importance Bran Stark was to Benioff and Weiss - and he’s probably GRRM’s central character.

Q: To touch on the ending though, are you able to share with us how much of the show’s ending rang true with what GRRM had planned. At least in terms of character endings, like Sansa?

A: I mean, not really. There are 3 major things, the fabled 3 things that George told them that ended up on the show – that is Stannis burning his daughter, the fate of Hodor and the origin of his name, and also as George put it – who ends up on the Iron throne which the showrunner put it as – something that happens at the very end. So presumably that means that Bran stark also ends up on the Iron throne. But I am only kind of phrasing it weird because I am being very exact just in case everyone’s being very tricky. So as a reporter we are always looking for weasel words that could mean two different things. But presumably that’s what he meant.

But George has said that there will be major differences between the books and the show. And then of course people will have the reactions to that and the debate will start all over again.

Q: I am sure every single thing is fixated on what will happen to Daenerys at the end of the books.

A: Like yeah, that’s a big question though isn’t it, yeah.

So basically this confirms that the 3 things that will happen on both the show and the books are Stannis and Shireen, Hodor and Bran on the Iron Throne. Every thing else is most probably different in the books.

Q: What did you think of the liberties taken with the plot in the show when compared to the book source material?

A: You know, it’s like when I hear reasons for doing it I always understood the reasons. D and D are hyper-logical people and they are always looking it from a production stand point and I have a chapter in there that is devoted to Sansa Stark’s wedding night and the fallout from that. Which is obviously a short moment but I thought it important to spend an entire chapter on that – it’s the most controversial scene in the show and it lead to a broader discussion about sexual assault on TV shows that I thought was very important.

And so it’s interesting because George very firmly states – My Littlefinger would have never done that, he would have never turned over Sansa Stark to Ramsay and he makes a good case for why LF wouldn’t have done that, but the showrunners go look, look in the books, the person who marries Ramsay is this very little known character and we wanted to give that role to one of our major actors and our LF is not the same and he does things differently.

Once again it’s confirmed that the only reason Sansa went North in the books is because the showrunners wanted one of their major actors to have that role.

Q: Which cut book character do you miss regardless of how small and insignificant they would be?

A: Even ones like Arianne Martell – they kind of made Ellaria Sand into that character. A lot of the characters they cut ended up kind of becoming other characters. So it’s interesting to try to think of it in your head well it’s this one but they kind of used that for this other character. The obvious answer is Lady Stoneheart – because that’s the big thing they left off. We don’t know the rest of that story yet. We have had only two chapters. There is going to be a lot of things when the books end where when you finally see the full picture that you can judge whether the character should have been in there or not been in there.

Q: And we hopefully don’t have to wait too long to read that.

A: Yeah, no, he’s making – from what he told me – great progress during the pandemic on the books. I would not be at all surprised if the book came out next year. I would never make a prediction but it would not surprise me at all if it came out next year.

So yeah. Nothing really new here that’s not been discussed before. We can only wait on the books to find out where these characters end up and how they end up there. It’s all up to George now. If TWoW does come out next year, we may at least get a hint of where the characters and their journeys are going.

[letterboxd]

How I Letterboxd #12: Joe Lynch.

Self-described cinedork and Mayhem filmmaker Joe Lynch tells Horrorville’s Brett Petersel about cinematic sausage, getting to direct Creepshow episodes and being a three-star starter on Letterboxd.

“Even when I watch what I would think is a real stinker, I also consider that there were many people involved in that film who didn’t walk on set going ‘okay people, let’s screw this up today!’” —Joe Lynch

It is always a pleasure to find film directors lurking on Letterboxd. Joe Lynch is a bona fide, OG member, having racked up more than 1,500 diary entries, giving half-star reviews to his own work, and creating lists of the movies that have influenced the making of his films.

There are the films that were in Lynch’s subconscious when he made Mayhem, a workplace splatter led by Steven Yeun and Samara Weaving. There are the movies he watched while researching the Salma Hayek-starring Everly. And this just in: films that influenced The Right Snuff, one of Lynch’s two episodes for the new Creepshow series—based on the 1982 horror-comedy classic and its sequels—which premieres on Shudder April 15.

Like so many of us, Lynch took time during the pandemic to catch up on films he had neglected to watch in spite of a previous career as a video-store clerk (a Criterion Channel subscription helped him get on top of the backlog). In this edition of ‘How I Letterboxd’, Lynch discusses how those classics have informed his craft, who his Letterboxd faves are, and why the horror genre is the future of the industry.

Steven Yeun and Samara Weaving in Joe Lynch’s ‘Mayhem’ (2017).

How long have you been on Letterboxd? Joe Lynch: I remember when Letterboxd was in its beta phase way back in good ol’ 2012 and I couldn’t wait to sign up, breathlessly waiting for an invite to the party. At the time, I had a digital database where I would log movies I’ve seen, but it was always subject to whatever laptop or device I had handy and would just be a mess of titles with no rhyme or reason.

When a member follows you, what should they expect? I put it right up top in my description: “I am not a critic”, just a lover of cinema. At first I didn’t want to write “reviews” in the description, especially since I first started using the service whilst in the throes of a horrible experience making a film that I thought would bury me and I’d never work again. I was like, and I still feel this way, “who am I to rip on a movie when someone can throw it right back at me? Like ‘dude, you directed Knights of Badassdom, sit down’.”

I’ve always had the highest regard for filmmakers who can get anything made. So even when I watch what I would think is a real stinker, I also consider that there were many people involved in that film who didn’t walk on set going “okay people, let’s screw this up today!” but instead were trying their best and circumstances just got in the way, which always happens. Having made a few films and TV now, I’m fully aware of the trials and tribulations that go into making a movie and have all the respect in the world for anyone who can steer that ship to completion. It’s hard making movies and even harder making one that is your original vision [and] that is widely embraced by an audience.

I have very weird tastes so don’t be shocked if you glance at my recent activity and you see Casablanca, The Silence of the Lambs or Bigger Than Life right next to The Legend of Billie Jean, Con Air or Candyman 3. I’m usually bouncing all over the place in terms of what kinds of movies I’m screening. From films recommended to me, to films that I may be watching for research, or even just how I’m feeling that day and maybe need a good laugh or a good cry or to be scared stiff. I like that kind of variety. There’s something out there for everyone and every emotion. If anything, I’d say expect the unexpected when it comes to my viewing habits.

What’s your favorite feature to use and why? One of the residual effects of working at video stores as a kid was my desire to siphon people’s tastes in movies and possibly recommend films to others as well, so my favorite feature is the ease of use in logging films and being able to quickly recall those films as well in the event someone asks me “what’s something I should watch?”. Getting older, the “employee’s picks” in my head is getting a little harder to cross-reference than usual so to have the ability to whip out my phone and say “oh man, I just watched Possession and it was awesome!” is exponentially helpful to a cinedork like myself.

‘Big Trouble in Little China’ (1986)—a five-star film says Joe Lynch.

How do you rate the films you watch? For example, what type of film is worthy of a five-star review? Funny, I always start out on three-stars mainly because I’m so proud of the filmmakers actually getting it completed! I’ve been there! I’m somewhat biased in my reflections because I’m always rooting for the artists and from there, it’s usually gauged on both an emotional level and a technical level. I always get made fun of while watching movies because I can point out hidden cuts or when a shot is reversed but [I’m] not trying to point out flaws, it's just how my brain is wired at this point. When you pull the curtain back enough to see how the cinematic sausage is made, it's harder and harder to objectively watch a movie without trying to dissect how it was done. I try so hard to shut that part of my brain off to just passively enjoy a movie but it’s tough. I usually skew towards the positive.

The films I’ve given five-stars are movies that have continually affected me over the years and have inspired me as a person and a filmmaker, which is everything from The Empire Strikes Back, Dawn of the Dead and When Harry Met Sally... to Big Trouble in Little China, The Blob, The Last of the Mohicans. I looked back at my five-stars and it’s mostly movies that made a significant impression on me from an early age and continue to do so, maybe even more so as I get older and I view these movies in a different light.

The anthology show Creepshow returns to Shudder this month. Tell us about the two episodes you directed for the series, ‘Pipe Screams’ and ‘The Right Snuff’. Both Creepshow and Creepshow 2 were important films in my youth and even today, they were some of the first movies I remember where I wasn’t quite sure if I was supposed to be scared or laugh. These films proclaimed we could do both! As a disciple of George A. Romero, Stephen King and Tom Savini, Creepshow really shaped how I watched movies and how I made them—consider the anthology I did a few years back, Chillerama, as a prime example. So when Shudder announced the show, I had to do everything on my part to convince them I could take the baton from these masters of the macabre and do them and the many fans proud.

To come to the table and say “I want ‘The Right Snuff’ to feel like 2001: A Space Odyssey crashed into The Andromeda Strain, and ‘Pipe Screams’ is my homage to The Blob and Delicatessen”—and then everyone just immediately getting it—was a dream. Between the casts I was lucky enough to work with and the amazing crew, especially the FX geniuses at KNB, it really was one of those dream jobs I’ll never forget. I hope audiences dig the madness we conjured up on those!

Season 2 of the Shudder series ‘Creepshow’ returns to the horror streamer this month. A third season has been ordered.

If you were to expand the Mayhem universe, what would it look like? We tried! I pitched the producers the idea of the ID-7 virus in other locations and situations because in essence the idea of being uninhibited by mental and emotional constraints is so ripe. My favorite was the idea that it would get loose in a Wal-Mart or a mall on Black Friday when consumers swarm to these department stores for the best deals. You’ve seen the videos, it’s just mass hysteria. The footage already out there would have been perfect to use already and those people aren’t even infected!

Sadly it didn’t come to pass, mainly because they asked “how do we get Steven and Samara back?” and I didn’t want to force those characters into that scenario, Die Hard 2 style. Plus they’re both huge stars now and likely unavailable for the next twelve years. But the ideas people have thrown out to me show that it was impactful enough to warrant variant scenarios in a “what if?” way that’s really exciting. Who knows, maybe the ID-7 virus could find its way onto the set of a movie production…

What excites you about the future of filmmaking, especially in horror films? The world is embracing new faces and voices more than ever and it means we’re getting stories that may not have ever had the chance to flourish and be seen and heard before. For the longest time the system was much more rigid because executives and producers thought that the audience was much less accepting of a wider world view in cinema and I think the last ten years has proven them wrong. There shouldn’t be any more “token” character or “strong [insert non-white-male] character” descriptions in development meetings. I hear it less and less, which is great because that’s not our world and since cinema—especially horror—is and always should be a reflection of our culture and times, it should reflect these evolutions as well.

When I made Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, the discussions over how one of the characters—a Black character played by Texas Battle—survived at the end was not in the original script but I pushed for it mainly because it was rare for the Black character to do so in a horror film. That shouldn’t be an anomaly! Why can’t there be a ‘final guy’ or have the survivors be LGBT+ or a POC and not the usual stereotypes?

I think now it’s more commonplace to see this and it excites me for the future of the genre that artists are being more welcome to express themselves without it feeling like it’s a gimmick or a twist on the norm.

I think generations of kids growing up with horror now are gonna see these strides in the storytelling—and who’s telling the stories—and push it even further. Places like Netflix and Shudder are willing to take chances with new voices more than the studio system, now more than ever, and that’s only going to produce some great stories now and in the future.

Erica Leehrsen and Texas Battle in a scene from ‘Wrong Turn 2: Dead End’ (2007).

How has the pandemic affected your creativity and influenced your work moving forward? Aside from losing a bunch of gigs due to the shutdown and being delayed on shooting Creepshow—which was a blessing in disguise considering the time we took to further develop the scripts and design of each episode—one of the main effects of the pandemic was how it gave many of us the time to catch up on a lot of films, mainly older ones. As you’d see from my diary entries on this very site, my viewing habits changed from a lot of modern films in that rat-race of catching up with the latest release, to mainly watching films I loved in the past and a lot of ’40s to ’70s films that I never got around to.

We have the tendency as film lovers to keep a mental list of films we’ll eventually get around to as if we have all the time in the world, but with the threat of the apocalypse and no real new content coming our way at the usual rapid clip, it was so gratifying to buy an annual subscription to Criterion Channel and start watching films like The Old Dark House, The Crimson Kimono, Contempt and many others.

All of these films impacted how I view film now and have bled into future projects I’m working on—especially on the technical side, when the world wasn’t influenced vicariously through MTV coverage and letting scenes play out in masters or longer takes, relishing in the performance or the mise-en-scéne. So, silver linings!

Before we go, who are some of your favorite follows on Letterboxd? I’m a big fan of Sean Baker, who I’ve known for almost 20 years now! We worked together in NYC and I was already a big Greg the Bunny fan but our mutual appreciation for fringe and exploitation films, especially international horror and genre films, seems to have bonded us for life. I love when he posts what he’s watching. Even if he’s just saying he screened something on Blu or streaming, his thoughts on cinema are always enjoyable and engaging.

In the same breath, filmmaker Jim Cummings has the best perspective on modern filmmaking and he’s clearly a big fan of using Letterboxd, so whenever I see peers like them using the app it makes me feel less like an obsessive movie dork myself, who should be getting back to work.

Some of the other follows I really enjoy are cineastes like Elric Kane and Brian Saur, who are the hosts of the New Beverly podcast Pure Cinema. Writers Anya Stanley, David Chen, Walter Chaw and Lindsay Blair Goeldner, musician and filmmaker Brendon Small, writer and critic Brian Tallerico, author Glenn Kenny, filmmaker Rodman Flender—just to name a few people who clearly love film and love sharing their thoughts on films in a very thoughtful way.

More times than not, I’m getting some great advice for what to watch next in my “new from friends” section! Because, like being at the video store, it’s casual conversations like the ones on Letterboxd that I love and always steering me to new films or revisiting old ones with a new perspective.

Related content

Joe’s film influences for ‘The Right Snuff’ Creepshow episode

The Video Store: Hollie Horror’s list of horror films with memorable scenes in video stores

Office Workplace Horror: J Cara’s list of office horror and workplace thrillers

Follow Brett on Letterboxd

Follow Horrorville—the home for horror on Letterboxd

[365days365movies]

April 11, 2021: Tootsie (1982) (Recap)

To be clear, I like Dustin Hoffman.

I can’t exactly claim that I’ve seen him in a lot of his most iconic roles, but I’m planning on fixing that this year for sure! On my to-watch list this year and beyond is Midnight Cowboy, Kramer vs. Kramer, Stranger Than Fiction, and Marathon Man at the very least.

But that’s not to say I haven’t seen him in other iconic roles of his, of course. Fun fact: I actually tried to do this project in 2019, and it...didn’t work. But, one of the films I watched that year was one of Hoffman’s most iconic dramatic films: Rain Man.

Oh, and by the way, that movie is not about an autistic man. Or, rather, it’s not based on a man diagnosed with one of the autism spectrum disorders. Instead, he actually most likely had a genetic disorder called FG syndrome, unrelated to the spectrum disorders. Ironic, since Hoffman’s character was the pop-cultural depiction of autism that people STILL refer to quite often, and quite inaccurately. But, obviously, that’s not Hoffman’s fault, and he was good in the movie, to be fair.

I grew up with him in Hook, as the pirate captain himself (I still do his laugh sometimes, it’s weird, I know). He had an underappreciated starring role in one of my favorite guilty-pleasure films, Outbreak (I fucking love that movie, and I’m not ashamed to admit that). He was in Finding Neverland, but I just forgot about that until I looked up his filmography to write this intro. And, of course...Master Shifu.

So, yeah, I actually DO like Dustin Hoffman, despite the fact that his role in The Graduate wasn’t stellar for me. Just seemed kinda miscast, and a little too awkward to be even slightly sympathetic. Then again, he wasn’t really meant to be, so maybe Hoffman was the perfect choice. Even then, he still acted well in it.

And anyway, I watched that movie for two major reasons. One, it was on my list of films to see, and TWO: it was a lead-up to the ACTUAL Hoffman film I wanted to watch this month: Tootsie. After all, I just watched rom-com Some Like It Hot, and if you’ve looked at me schedule, you know what film is coming next. So, this one fits in my planned schedule. Why? Well...there’s a theme.

Yup. I actually picked these movies for a reason. See, here’s the thing: this is a repeated trope in comedies, and I’ve always wondered whether or not it’s...problematic. But, much to my surprise with Some Like It Hot, they actually used the situation to comment on the female experience. I mean, not necessarily really well, but they tried at the very least. And for a film from 1959, that ain’t bad!

Which isn’t to say that it’s entirely clean, of course, but it was far better than I’d expected. So, if 1959 did that OK, how did 1982 do? Let’s find out, shall we?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman) is an acting coach, as well as being an actor himself. However, he’s not the most successful actor, as he keeps attempting to audition for pieces, only to get refused for nebulous reasons, or refuses them when he disagrees with the director. He might want to take his own advice, for the record.

In the meantime, he works in a restaurant with Jeff Slater (Bill Murray), a playwright and roommate. That night, the night of his birthday, he spends time with an actress friend, Sandy Lester (Teri Garr), and also hits on the majority of women there that night.

As the party concludes, and various people go home, Sandy is abandoned by her date, and Michael offers to take her home. She breaks down crying, and Michael guesses that she’s upset about an upcoming audition. He gives her some coaching advice, and manages to get her to produce the correct emotion for the role. Afraid that she’ll lose it without him, he agrees to accompany her to the audition and enrage her. It’s very funny.

That morning, however, she IMMEDIATELY gets kicked out of the audition, as she wasn’t right for the part. However, when he goes to help her by speaking with an actor on the show, he finds out that the actor is off the show, and is instead getting a part that MICHAEL was supposed to get. Now enraged himself, he goes to speak with his agent, George Fields (Sydney Pollack), and the two have a tense conversation. It’s revealed that because of his difficult nature, he has a terrible reputation in acting circles, and literally nobody will hire him.

Challenge accepted.

Now dressed up as a woman named “Dorothy Michaels”, he goes back to the audition that passed on Sandy. Like her, he’s also immediately rejected by the director, Ron Carlisle (Dabney Coleman), who insists that she’s too “gentile” for the part of a hospital administrator. This causes “Dorothy” to go off, in a righteous monologue that accuses Ron for conflating power with masculinity. Which...yeah, he totally is, and DAMN, it’s a good tell-off!

Producer Rita Marshall (Doris Belack) agrees, and invites “Dorothy” to read for the part. He comes in to read, and in the process meets Julie Nichols (Jessica Lange), to whom he’s IMMEDIATELY attracted. He brushes that off, and the audition commences. From there, he gets the part, which is a regular part on a soap opera called Southwest General.

Now fully invested in the dumbest idea anybody’s ever had, “Dorothy” goes to her agent and tells him the ridiculous news, and asks for $1000 to go shopping for more clothing. Back at their apartment, Michael speaks to Jeff about the whole situation. He notes that he’s doing this to get the money for his play in Syracuse, which requires $8000 to produce.

Sandy is to be cast in this play, which is an issue, as they now need to explain where the money came from, as it’s technically from the part that SHE was refused for, which would hurt her feelings. He lies and says that the money’s from a deceased relative. While in her place, and while she’s in the shower, he decides to try on some of her clothes to get ideas for Dorothy. But when she walks in on him, he lies AGAIN and says that he’s sexually attracted to her. And she reciprocates IMMEDIATELY, which leads to an unintended relationship.

On the set, “Dorothy” finds out that he’ll be kissing John Van Horn (George Gaynes), an older actor who’s clearly a bit past his prime, and makes it a point to kiss every actress on the set when they start on the show. Gross. Michael agrees, and when the scene comes, he improvises and has his character (Emily) hit the doctor instead.

While the director (who’s a DICK, by the way) notes the improvisation, he approves of it, while also discouraging any similar actions in the future, and calling her “toots”. “Dorothy” takes it, rather than talks back. John compliments her on the improvisation, and then kisses “Dorothy” anyway, much to Michael’s shock!

We also find out that Julie, who plays a nurse on the show, is dating director Ron. Later on, though, Michael observes him making out with another actress on stage. Shortly after this, Julie invites “Dorothy” to dinner at her place, which is eagerly accepted. At dinner, we find out that Julie has a young daughter and that her relationship with Ron is...not stellar.

They have a discussion about being a woman in the ‘80s, and the complexities inherent in that concept, which is an interesting theme of this movie! Gotta say, this is a more socially-conscious version of Some Like It Hot, and I really like that! But the conversation is cut short when Michael realizes that he’d promised dinner with Sandy that night, and leaves in a hurry.

Dinner with Sandy is awkward, as Sandy is...Sandy is a lot, to be honest. But, she tells Michael that the woman hired in her stead on the soap opera (who is, of course, Michael himself), is written as a wimp, rather than tough as intended, and that she should change that. Michael agrees, and actively goes against the script to make the character of Emily far tougher. and essentially a feminist.

While this causes some grief to Ron and Rita at first, Dorothy Michaels soon becomes a massively successful and popular actress on the show, and her popularity absolutely explodes. Michael’s wrapped up in the success of Dorothy Michaels, and thinks that she might be able to branch outside of the role of the soap opera. Which is difficult, as his agent points out, because of the simple fact that Michael is...well, Michael.

At a party that his agent invites him to, Michael meets Julie AS MICHAEL. He uses a line on her that she’d mentioned before to Dorothy, only to be met with a drink to the face. Which is fair, as the line was about being honest about wanting to have sex with her, so I get it.

On the set soon afterwards, we see that the show is becoming more progressive, allowing Julie’s nurse character to stand up to John’s chief doctor character. After the scene is done, the director once again calls Dorothy “toots” instead of her real name, and Dorothy absolutely snaps back at him, and rightfully so! In response, Julie goes and invites Dorothy to a weekend in the country, on her father’s farm. Despite some rebuke from Jeff for lying to Sandy AND Julie, Michael as “Dorothy” goes on the trip.

This, by the way, is an excellent time to mention that this film is exuding some real strong, uh, vibes. You know...alphabet mafia vibes. Like, it’s definitely there, heavily leaning towards Julie. Obviously, “Dorothy” is actually the heterosexual Michael, but that’s not helping, just saying. And there’s literally (and absolutely obviously) nothing wrong with that, but it’s so strong at this point that it’s hard to ignore.

On the farm, “Dorothy” meets Les Nichols (Charles Durning), Julie’s lonely and genuinely nice father, if a bit old-fashioned in his views on gender politics. He’s also got the hots for “Dorothy”, which is funny-but-awkward as shit. That night, Julie tells “Dorothy” some very personal things about her dreams as a child, which is a genuinely very sweet scene. And can I just say, that this movie is both funny and quite heartfelt? I love it! Also, again, the vibes...THE VIBES.

Meanwhile, the popularity of “Dorothy” continues to skyrocket, to the frustration of director Ron, but to the delight of producer Rita, who decides to extend her contract with the soap opera by a full year! Oh FUCK! Realizing what the hell he’s gotten himself into, Michael calls his agent, who tells him that it was in his contract, meaning he’s basically fucked.

Jeff also tries to help hi, out of it, to no avail. Just then, though, they get a call from Julie, looking for “Dorothy”. She’s been having her doubts about her relationship with Ron, and she realizes that she’s been settling for Ron and other men like him. And Dorothy’s inspired her to be a better person, and to be honest with others and with herself. Fuckin’ OOF.

Just then, Ron arrives, allowing them some alone time, as Julie is getting ready for their night out. In the process, “Dorothy” reveals that she knows about his indiscretions with other women. Ron proceeds to use the EXACT SAME EXCUSE that Michael used to excuse his lies to Sandy, and it’s well-executed! Good job, writers, that’s pretty awesome.

“Dorothy” promises to watch Julie’s daughter for the night, which proves a bit of an issue, but he works it out. Julie returns later on, having broken up with Ron. Another heart-to-heart ensues, but this one is concluded with a revelation that Julie is lonely, despite the fact that she appreciates Dorothy’s influence and friendship. And then, "Dorothy” tries to kiss Julie. OH

Yeah, Julie’s not exactly chuffed about this as, despite a LOT of “Sappho and her friends” vibes, she doesn’t actually swing that way. “Dorothy” tries to explain, but this is interrupted by a call from Julie’s dad! He asks her out on a date that night, and “Dorothy” accepts. On said date, he FUCKIN’ PROPOSES TO HER! She promises to think about it, and takes the fuck OFF.

And to continue the parade of “Fuck me, I guess” that marching down Michael Street, who should show up at the apartment but John, from the show! Having followed her home the previous night (YIKES BUDDY), he literally serenades her outside of the apartment window, before “Dorothy” lets him in. It’s there that he reveals he’s MADLY in lust with her, and it’s HILARIOUSLY awkward. Thankfully, just as John is forcing himself on her, Jeff walks in on them, interrupting John’s actions, and causing him to leave in shame.

AND FUCKING THEN, after all of that, Sandy arrives at the apartment to find out why Michael’s not returned her phone calls. And Sandy’s a lot, sure, but all of her concerns are completely valid and legitimate. And despite Michael’s impressive ability to lie, he tells her the truth: he’s in love with another woman. Which she absolutely freaks the fuck out about, but whatever, not like Michael doesn’t deserve that.

Having had it with all the drama around Dorothy’s life, he goes to his agent and hilariously recounts to him the whole series of events that’s taken place. Still struggling to find a way to get out of the situation, he goes to work the next day, for an awkward conversation with Julie. She thanks Dorothy for inspiring her to be true to herself, which cuts DEEP, but still says that they shouldn’t spend time together anymore.

Producer Rita arrives with news: the erasure of a reel of footage has forced them to shoot a scene live. Said scene involves a party being thrown for Dorothy’s characters, putting her in the starring role. And THAT is when Michael takes his chance. Dorothy improvises a monologue about Emily’s REAL past, as a twin who tragically died before realizing her dream to become a hospital administrator. Ripping off his disguise, Michael reveals himself as Emily’s twin brother, Edward!

Everyone on stage and at home is SHOCKED, especially Les, John, Sandy, and of course, Julie. And once the cameras stop rolling, Julie now understands everything. She walks right up to Michael...AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE DICK

John asks if Jeff knows, and I break in half laughing.

Months pass. Michael was able to fund Jeff’s play in Syracuse, and goes to meet Les, who lives in the area. The two make amends after an understandably awkward reunion, and they begin the journey to become friends after everything. This prompts Michael to return to the city and speak with Julie, who is...less than happy to see him. Which, yeah, entirely fair.

But, again overcoming the initial awkwardness, Julie is able to admit that she misses her friend Dorothy. And Michael reciprocates, speaking for Dorothy, who is...well, him. He says the following great line: 

I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man.

And from there...the two decide to rekindle a friendship, with Julie asking to borrow one of Michael’s dresses. And y’know...I’m rooting for those crazy kids.

That’s Tootsie! And, uh...I love it! I LOVE it. I actually think this is a great film, and one of the best I’ve seen this month. But I’ll elaborate...in the Review! See you there!

[myhauntedsalem]

Ghosts of Hollywood

Marilyn Monroe The Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Boulevard is said to be the current residence of several ghosts of popular film stars. Marilyn Monroe, the glamorous and funny star of such pictures as Some Like It Hot and Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, was a frequent guest of the Roosevelt at the height of her popularity. And although she died in her Brentwood home, her image has been seen on several occasions in a full-length mirror that once hung in her poolside suite. The mirror has been relocated to the hotel's lower level by the elevators.

Montgomery Clift Another respected star who died before his time, Montgomery Clift, was a four-time Oscar nominated actor who is best known for his roles in A Place in the Sun, From Here to Eternity and Judgment at Nuremberg. His ghost has also been seen at the Roosevelt. According to some of the hotel's staff, Clift's spirit haunts room number 928. Clift stayed in that suite in 1953, pacing back and forth, memorizing his lines for From Here to Eternity. Loud, unexplained noises have been heard coming from the empty suite, and its phone is occasionally found mysteriously off the hook.

Perhaps it's fitting that the Hollywood Roosevelt should be the stirring place of celebrity ghosts since it was the site of the very first Academy Awards ceremony in 1929. In fact, the Blossom Ballroom, where the ceremony was held, has an unexplained cold spot - a circular area measuring 30 inches in diameter that remains about 10 degrees colder than the rest of the room.

Harry Houdini Houdini is best known as a magician and escape artist, of course, but at the height of his fame he was also drawn to Hollywood, where he made a handful of silent films from 1919 to 1923. With such titles as The Man from Beyond and Haldane of the Secret Service (which he also directed), the films were not regarded well enough to give him much of a Hollywood career. Houdini's interest in the occult was well known, and although he earned a reputation as a masterful debunker of séances, he earnestly sought contact with those who have passed on to the other side. Shortly before his death, Houdini made a pact with his wife Bess that if he could, he would return and make contact with her from the other side. Perhaps he truly has attempted to return. Some claim to have seen the ghost of the great Houdini walking around in the home he owned on Laurel Canyon Blvd. in the Hollywood Hills. Film historians Laurie Jacobson and Marc Wanamaker, in their book Hollywood Haunted, dispute this story, saying that "Houdini most likely never even set foot in the Laurel Canyon mansion he is said to haunt."

Clifton Webb Clifton Webb was a very popular star of the 1940s and '50s, earning two Oscar nominations for his roles in Laura and The Razor's Edge. He may be best known for his portrayal of Mr. Belvedere in a series of films. It's not too often that a ghost haunts the place in which the person is buried, but this seems to be the case for Webb. His ghost has been seen at the Abbey of the Psalms, Hollywood Memorial Cemetery, where his body is interred. But it seems to be a restless spirit, as his ghost has also been encountered at his old home on Rexford Drive in Beverly Hills.

Thelma Todd Thelma Todd was a hot young star in the 1930s. She was featured in a number of hit comedies with the likes of The Marx Brothers, Laurel and Hardy, and Buster Keaton. But that all ended in 1935 when Todd was found dead in her car, which was parked above the café she owned on the Pacific Coast Highway. Strangely, her death was ruled an accidental suicide, but many suspected murder and a coverup by powerful Hollywood figures. The building that once housed the café is now owed by Paulist Productions, and employees have reportedly witnessed the starlet's ghost descending the stairs.

Thomas Ince Ince is considered one of the visionary pioneers of American movies. He was one of the most respected directors of the silent era, best known, perhaps, for his westerns starring William S. Hart. He partnered with other early Hollywood giants such as D.W. Griffith and Mack Sennett, and founded Culver Studios, which later became MGM. Ironically, Ince's death overshadowed his film legacy. He died aboard William Randolph Hearst's yacht in 1924, and although the official record shows the cause of death as heart failure, the hot rumor is that he was shot by Hearst in a fit a jealousy over Hearst's wife, Marion Davies. Ince's ghost - as well as several other ghostly figures - have been seen in the lot that was once Culver Studios. Film crew members have seen the specter of a man matching Ince's description on several occasions; in one instance, when the workers tried to speak to the spirit, it turned and disappeared through a wall.

Ozzie Nelson Ghosts and hauntings are the last thing that come to mind when you think of the perpetually cheerful Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. The couple, with their real-life sons Ricky and David, were stars of the long-running sitcom "Ozzie and Harriet," noted for its good-natured, gentle humor. Yet poor Ozzie doesn't seem to be as contented in the afterlife. Family members, it is said, have seen Ozzie's ghost in the family's old Hollywood home, and it always appears to be in a somber mood. Perhaps he's unhappy about how another Ozzy and his family have gained notoriety on TV.

George Reeves From 1953 to 1957, George Reeves was TV's Superman. Reeves had been around Hollywood for a while, playing bit parts in such films as Gone with the Wind and dozens of B-movies, but it was "The Adventures of Superman" on TV that brought him fame. Reeves died of a gunshot at his home in 1959. The official cause of death was suicide, but that conclusion has been hotly disputed, with some believing that Reeves was murdered. Whether it was suicide or murder, Reeves ghost has been seen in his Beverly Hills home. A couple claims to have seen the ghost of Reeves - decked out in his Superman costume - materialize in the bedroom where he died, after which it slowly faded away. Others believe that Reeves succumbed to the "Superman curse," in which those associated with the fictional character over the years allegedly have met with disaster or death. But is there really a curse? 

More Celebrity Ghosts

Rudolph Valentino - This silent film heartthrob has been seen in the bedroom and stables of his old Hollywood home. Jean Harlow - The spirit of this blonde bombshell is said to haunt the bedroom of her home on North Palm Drive, where her husband allegedly used to beat her. Mary Pickford - This legend of the silent era - actress, writer and producer - was co-founder of United Artists with her husband Douglas Fairbanks and Charlie Chaplin. Comic Buddy Rogers, who lived in the house Pickford once owned, saw her ghost appear in a white ruffled dress. Grace Kelly - Princess Stephanie of Monaco believes that the ghost of her mother, Grace Kelly, helped her write a song from the spirit world.

Celebrities Who Have Seen Ghosts

Nicholas Cage - This Oscar-winning actor (Leaving Las Vegas) refused to stay in uncle Francis Ford Coppola's home after seeing a ghost in the attic. (Cage was also cast as Superman in director Tim Burton's film project, which was never made.) Keanu Reeves - The star of The Matrix films and Devil's Advocate was just a kid in New Jersey when he saw a ghost that took the form of a white double-breasted suit come into his room one night. He wasn't imagining it; his nanny saw the phantom, too. Neve Campbell - She's been in more than her share of paranormal-themed movies (The Craft, Scream), but she's had real-life encounters as well. A woman was murdered in the house she now lives in, and friends have seen her ghost walking around. Matthew McConaughey - This popular actor (Contact) says he freaked out the first time he saw the ghost of an old woman, whom he calls "Madame Blue," floating around his house. Tim Robbins - Robbins, who was nominated for an Oscar in Mystic River, didn't see ghosts, but strongly felt their presence when he moved into an apartment in 1984. Following his instinct, he moved out the next day. Hugh Grant - British romantic comedy lead Hugh Grant (Love Actually) says he and friends have heard the wailing and screaming of some tormented spirit in his Los Angeles home. He even speculates it might be the ghost of a former resident - Bette Davis. Dan Aykroyd - The Ghostbusters star (and Oscar-nominated for Driving Miss Daisy) has long had a fascination with the paranormal. He believes his home, once owned by Cass Elliot of The Mamas and The Papas, is haunted. "A ghost certainly haunts my house," he said. "It once even crawled into bed with me. The ghost also turns on the Stairmaster and moves jewelry across the dresser. I'm sure it's Mama Cass because you get the feeling it's a big ghost." Sting - Rock star Sting (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) and his wife Trudie have seen ghosts in their home. "I was absolutely terrified," he said. "I now believe those things are out there, but I have no explanation for them." Jean Claude Van Damme - The Belgian action star (Timecop), also known as "Muscles from Brussels," swears he saw a ghost in his bathroom mirror while he was brushing his teeth. Richard Dreyfuss - He won an Oscar for The Goodbye Girl, but at one time had a cocaine problem. Visions of a ghost, he said, helped him kick the habit. "I had a car crash in the late 1970s," Dreyfuss said, "when I was really screwed up, and I started seeing these ghostly visions of a little girl every night. I couldn't shake this image. Every day it became clearer and I didn't know who the hell she was. Then I realized that kid was either the child I didn't kill the night I smashed up my car, or it was the daughter that I didn't have yet. I immediately sobered up." Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman - This Hollywood couple was forced to flee their "dream home" in Sneden's Landing, N.Y. when it became all too apparent that it was haunted. They still are reluctant to talk about their frightening encounters. Belinda Carlisle - This pop singer and founding member of The Go-Gos, who appeared in Swing Shift and She's Having a Baby, says she saw a "misty shape" hovering over her as she lay in bed one night. She also says that when she was 17, while nodding off to sleep in a chair in her parents' home, she levitated and had an out-of-body experience. Elke Sommers - This German-born actress, who appeared in the 1966 film The Oscar, claims to have seen the ghost of a middle-aged man in a white shirt in her home in North Beverly Hills. Guests in her home have also seen the specter. So much paranormal activity was reported in the house that the American Society for Psychical Research was brought in, and which verified the unexplained events. The severely haunted house was bought and sold more than 17 times since Sommers vacated it, and many have reported ghostly phenomena. Paul McCartney - Ex-Beatle and Oscar-nominated songwriter ("Live and Let Die") says that he, George Harrison and Ringo Starr sensed the playful spirit of John Lennon when they were recording Lennon's song, "Free As A Bird" in 1995. "There were a lot of strange goings-on in the studio - noises that shouldn't have been there and equipment doing all manner of weird things. There was just an overall feeling that John was around."

[cxhnow]

THE KIDS ARE MORE THAN ALRIGHT: CHLOE AND HALLE ARE KILLING IT

At only 21 and 20 years old respectively, Chloe and Halle, the sister singing duo signed to Beyoncé’s Parkwood Entertainment, have an almost preternatural poise and polish. You see it in on-camera interviews, their big smiles never breaking, or when they’re singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl, their harmonies as sweeping and pristine as harmonies can be. Even in the homemade YouTube covers which made them Internet-famous as adolescents — a cover of Beyoncé’s “Pretty Hurts” (a song, interestingly enough, about the demands on young women to be flawless) caught the attention of Queen B and got them signed in 2015 in the first place — they have a peaceful and almost uncannily seasoned presence.

This seeming perfection has made them into major role models to young fans, and one of them into a future megastar fronting the massive Disney machine, as the younger Halle takes the lead role of Ariel in the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid expected out in 2021. They’ve had real world ambitions for the entirety of their teen years, starting their YouTube channel when Chloe was 13 and Halle 11, criss-crossing the country multiple times as the opening act for their mentor Bey, and dabbling in acting, with roles on Kenya Barris’ sitcom Grown-ish.

But beyond the sheen they’ve developed, it’s nice to hear, on a quarantine Zoom call one Friday morning, that they are more steadfastly committed — even dogged — about their craft than they are the presentation. They write, arrange, and produce much of their own music in their home studio in Los Angeles. While their sophomore album, Ungodly Hour, features guestwork by super-producers Scott Storch and Mike WiLL Made-It, the sisters executive produced the whole thing, and still brought unfinished collaborative tracks home from sessions to tighten them up in their own way, on their own computer software.

Though their debut, The Kids Are Alright — an unlikely but satisfying cross between SZA and Björk — hinted at this artistry, Ungodly Hour is the true breakthrough. It’s a grown-up album in a number of ways, with lyrics about hook-ups, break-ups, and mess-ups. But it’s also just undeniably and straightforwardly cool. In the choreography-heavy video for the excellent “Do It,” their astonishing maturity begins to look more like bravado. They mine sounds from late-’90s R&B, recalling forebears like Aaliyah, Destiny’s Child, TLC, and Blaque, but have come up with something refreshing and personal. There are no lags on Ungodly Hour, no saccharine ballads or misplaced attempts at massive over-the-top pop — just easily enjoyable bops with silky harmonies and relatable themes. That’s an achievement for an artist of any age.

In conversation, they are, yes, incredibly composed, but also engaged and interested in talking about a range of subjects, from 808s and Atlanta to politics and pain. Here, the two sisters offer a little glimpse into their lives — and how they got to be so on top of everything to begin with.

Note: This interview occurred after the death of George Floyd but before demonstrations surrounding the killing fully heated up across the country, and the sisters have since delayed the release of the album from the original June 5 to this Friday, June 12. At the bottom of this Q&A, we’ve included some questions and answers the two responded to by email this week concerning moving the release date and their solidarity with the protestors.

Have you been quarantining together?

Halle: We are quarantining together in Los Angeles. We’re in our family home, so it’s really nice to all be together.

Chloe: I think, you know, with any family being in close spaces, you all have to relearn each other. You can’t, like, escape and go to your own corner.

H: We’re learning more every single day in quarantine what not to do [laughs]. We know the trigger points for both of us. We both love to get our feelings out, so once we do that, I think it’s good.

Let’s get into the album: In the past, your music has had an innocence about it, but this album is pretty grown.

C: You know, with anything in life, we never like to force it. Halle just turned 20. I’ll be 22 in July. Naturally, the music will just grow with that. We’re sharing our experiences, sharing what we’re going through, whether it’s heartbreak or falling in love or our insecurities — what makes us tick. People only really know us as, like, little sweet angels and all of that. And everyone is multi-layered.

“Busy Boy” is about a guy who sleeps around and sends you unsolicited late night photos of, well, a very particular body part of his. Are lines like this born from real life?

H: Absolutely. All the songs on the album are pulled from real-life experiences, real-life relationships. And for “Busy Boy,” everyone can relate to knowing this guy who is just so hot, he is just A+ everywhere. But everyone knows him as a player. They know he jumps around from girl to girl. It was funny to talk about that because in our little girl group [of friends], sometimes we do find that one dude who has tried to talk to all of us. And we laugh about it and we kiki about it.

Are you able to find time to date and have fun, and do what young people do?

H: Of course!

C: You know, we explore. We date around. We’re learning as we experience life. And it helps stimulate the lyrics.

There’s a lot of tense back and forth between the sexes on the album, and I wonder if you thought of it as a kind of break-up album.

C: It’s that back and forth because that’s how it was in our lives at the time when we were creating this album. You know, my sister and I, we’re at that age where you’re learning yourself through relationships, learning how people work. Even though Halle and I are a year and a half apart, we were going through the same thing at the same time when we were writing. We were heartbroken and putting that into the music. But we also wanted to come from a point where we don’t have to be these weak girls crying over it, but instead take our power back.

H: Love is a huge theme of the album. But also feeling alone, and the rawness. These were all themes that we hadn’t really talked about before in music. Our deepest, deepest feelings. The title, Ungodly Hour, stemmed from everything that happens during those hours, you know, in the middle of the night when you’re about to go to sleep. You’re thinking of all your insecurities — your mind is swimming. You’re thinking of lustful things, you’re thinking of heartbreak.

C: It feels conversational because when we were writing it, we were simply having a conversation. My sister and I tell each other everything when it comes to these things. And as we’re sitting down, explaining, “I’m pissed because of this,” or, “I’m happy because of this,” we would just write it into the music.

You worked with the 2000s producer Scott Storch on “Do It,” and there’s almost a nostalgic feel for that time in R&B and pop.

C: He’s really a legend, and just seeing him on the keys when we had multiple sessions together, we were always left in awe. Production-wise, I’ve always been inspired by experimental sounds and the weirder side of music. But while we were making this album, I really started falling more and more in love with ’90s music and early 2000s production; listening to a lot of Kelis. We wanted this album to feel fun and flirty, but also grunge, in a way, and a little dark and mysterious and sexy. And I really feel like ’90s production with beautiful melodies on top truly embodied that. [‘90s producers] weren’t afraid to experiment.

How do you balance creative freedom and experimentation with what I imagine to be a lot of pressure to make a hit?

H: We were feeling a little bit, like, “So where do we go from here? What do we do now?” We were a little bit stuck at the beginning, because we were hearing from the label about doing songs a bit more commercial. Whenever we are given direction, it always throws us off. Whenever somebody tells us what to do, we don’t like it. At the beginning, we were making songs that didn’t really sound like us. And we realized we were trying to please everyone else.

So then we were like, You know what? Scratch that. Let’s go back to the beginning. Let’s remember why we’re doing this. Let’s make the sounds that make us happy. Let’s go back to doing those experimental things that have made us so happy all the time. With these sessions with [Ariana Grande songwriter] Victoria [Monet] and Scott [Scorch], we can also add a bop or two in there and find a beautiful way to do it without sacrificing our musical integrity. We never want to feel like we’re selling out.

You taught yourselves how to produce, arrange, write, and record your music at a very young age, but now that there is this bigger spotlight, is it important to still create in that more organic way?

C: Absolutely. Yeah. If we didn’t keep that, I don’t think we would even have finished this album. We love creating at home so much. You know, [our first album] The Kids Are Alright, we created the whole thing in our living room. [For this album], we converted the garage and carpeted it up and made it into our little studio here. We always prefer home and working on our laptop and arranging all the weird harmonies together and recording each other.

We worked with so many amazing producers and songwriters on this album, but at the end of every session, we would take the stems, and we would revamp them up and really add, like, our sauce to the songs afterward so it really felt like us. But also, half the album is strictly just us and our production and writing as well. We executive produced it. That’s the only way to do it. If it starts to feel forced or bad, we walk away.

What programs do you use to produce on your laptop?

C: I’m a huge Logic Pro girl. When we do live shows, I use Ableton, but when we’re recording each other and I’m making the tracks, it’s all on Logic.

You’re known for your harmonies, and you also produce all your own vocals. How do you think about the resonance and affect and power of your voices? What are you aiming for with a vocal?

H: There’s something really special about singing with your sibling, or singing with somebody who has the same blood as you. The Clark Sisters are one of our favorites, and every time we listen to their harmonies, it just takes us to another world. And I don’t know what it is, but every time I sing with my sister, I do feel like it’s a power, like it’s something special that’s happening when the two of us are singing together. It’s different than when I’m just singing alone.

C: We know how to fit and blend with each other. Usually I’ll take like more of the lower notes, and Halle will take a lot more of the higher ones. For me, ever since I was a little girl, I loved Destiny’s Child and Toni Braxton and Nina Simone. Our family would always play Erykah Badu and Jill Scott around the house. So I have grown up loving soulful tones. As I got older, being a female producer, I was really inspired by other female producers, like Grimes and Imogen Heap and Merrill Garbus of Tune-Yards, and I really started appreciating and loving alternative music, where they use different experimental sounds. More recently, I was listening to a lot of Kelis and Missy [Elliott] and Timbaland production, and Aaliyah and all of that. All of my inspirations… I love how it’s in contrast with my sister. Because, you know — and she’ll tell you this — she is a huge jazzhead. She loves jazz melodies. And when the two worlds come together, it kind of creates us.

You mentioned Erykah Badu and Jill Scott as influences, so I gotta ask — what’d you think of the Erykah and Jill Verzuz on Instagram?

H: We loved it so much. We put it on our TV and watched the whole thing.

Who do you think won?

H: They both won. You know, you could sing those songs every single day and never get tired of them. We want our music to live on like those songs live on.

You both have childhood roots in Atlanta, which has become essentially the musical epicenter of America in the last 20 years. Does that influence your sound?

C: Oh my gosh, yeah. Atlanta music is so incredible. We’ve always been so inspired by OutKast. Ciara. Donald Glover.

H: Janelle Monáe.

C: It’s so much soul and rhythm and bounce. And I think that’s why I love big drums and 808 so much. We are true Atlanta girls at heart. And I think that also comes into why we’re really kind. It’s just southern hospitality.

You’re signed to Beyoncé’s management company, Parkwood, and I’m curious what kind of creative notes or advice she gives you when you’re working on an album.

C: She allows us to grow and flourish on our own. And, you know, as we’ve been finding our sound through the past five years, she’s just kind of sat back in the wings and let us do what we want to do. When we feel like we got the music to a special place, we always want her input. It’s Beyoncé! She has the experience, she’s incredibly talented, and she has such good instincts.

With her notes, a lot of the time, we’re on the same page. Whether it’s about what she hears in the layers of the production, if she thinks the production should change on one part, or how we sang a certain word or something, she’ll always recommend, but it’s up to us whether we want to do it or not. She allows us to do what we want to do, musically.

When we sent this album to her, she didn’t have any notes. Halle and I were like, whoa. She must really, really like it. And she could give us as many notes as she wants! She’s Queen Bey.

Halle, you’re about to be Ariel in the live-action version of ‘The Little Mermaid’ for Disney. What is it like wearing the mermaid tail?

H: [Laughs] Well, I can’t really .. [laughs] … that was a good try [laughs]. I can’t really tell you about that [ed. note: Disney is notorious for strictly enforcing a code of silence about a future production]. But it’s really cool being able to play one of my favorite characters from my favorite Disney movie. And show other little black girls that, yes, you can be Ariel too. That the part is not just for anyone who does not look like us. We can do it too.

There was a really dumb conservative backlash when Disney announced it was casting a black woman in the role.

H: Yeah, well, I don’t really pay attention to that stuff. People are hurting right now, so a lot of the times people take their hurt out on you. And you can’t do anything about that. We just gotta move forward in love and light and say a prayer for them, you know?

On one very serious note, you posted a cover on Instagram that blended the hymnals “We Shall Overcome” and “Lift Every Voice and Sing” as a tribute to George Floyd. I’m wondering how you’re viewing what’s happening in America right now?

H: [That] week was very difficult for us. Just that video of George — I couldn’t watch it. This keeps happening to our people. When I see George, I think of my father, and I think of my little brother, and I think of them just wanting to live and to not be killed just for living their lives. I don’t think we will ever understand why it keeps happening. I don’t think we could ever wrap our heads around it.

So we just thought, What can we do? What can we do to make ourselves feel better? What can we do to make everyone feel better? And we decided to sing those two songs that have been sung for many, many years. It made us feel a little better, but it didn’t take it all away. It’s crazy that this keeps repeating itself. [That] whole week was kind of wonky for us.

When I see you two on camera and in interviews, I’m struck by how poised you both are, from such a young age. You present yourself almost perfectly. But I wonder if that ever feels like pressure? You’ve had to be really mature since before most kids ever really do.

H: It’s not a persona. It’s not something that we turn on and we turn off. It’s just the way that our parents raised us. Sometimes, we do get compliments, like, “Oh my gosh. You guys are always so happy and positive. You guys are angels!” And, you know, that’s one side of it, of course. I know some people put us on a pedestal. And I think that what hones us in on continuing to just be positive beings and lights is the way we grew up, our parents constantly reminding us that all of these things don’t matter. All of these grand things don’t matter.

But there’s also the other layers of us that people don’t see when we’re not in the spotlight. We do overthink. We do have insecurities just like everybody else. And that’s what with this album in particular we wanted people to get through their heads. Like, hello, we are just like you. At times, yes, it does get overwhelming. But that’s just a part of life. And that’s more fuel for inspiration for us to write.

As previously noted, the original interview occurred before demonstrations surrounding the killing of George Floyd reached full steam. Here, the two sisters followed up by email more recently in a joint statement to address changing the release date of the album in light of the uprising and how they are participating in protest.

Originally you were meant to release the album on June 5, but now it is coming out this Friday, June 12. How’d you come to that decision?

These past two weeks have definitely felt like an emergency call to justice that is much needed. It was important for us to push our album and bring awareness to everything else that’s been going on. We didn’t want this moment to be about us, but rather about getting justice for our brothers and sisters and making a change.

What are you feeling in heart and mind about what we’re witnessing?

Honestly, it has been very, very difficult for us this past week. Having to witness someone’s life being taken away just because of the color of their skin is just traumatic. Even though these days have been hard, we are thankful that people are now seeing what has been happening for a while. And we are grateful that the world is finally doing something about it! Seeing these protests happening all around the country and world truly makes us hopeful that a change is coming. We are so much stronger than we think and so powerful when we come together.

It’s your generation that’s in no small part fueling this movement — how does it make you feel to see people in your age group activated in this way?

It makes us so proud to see our peers standing up for what’s right. We are the future and deserve to be in a world that protects us, rather than harm us. We deserve to live a life not in fear.

How are you two approaching contributing to the protests — what do you find effective?

We are doing everything we can to speak up for what’s right: signing and posting petitions online, donating, etc. We will not let anyone silence us. We have also been singing a lot more, trying to use our voices as healing for the world right now. Music always tends to be the best therapy.

Where are you turning for information, solace, discussion, leadership, and creativity in a moment like this?

Social media has definitely been one of our main sources. We’ve been seeing and sharing content from our peers who are actually out there protesting on the frontlines and experiencing firsthand. We can now view videos and photos and form our own opinions, instead of being swayed by mainstream media. There’s a lot of stuff that’s not being shown on the news, that we may find on Twitter or Instagram. Because of social media and technology, more light is finally being shed on the injustices being done to our people. It’s helping change our world for the better!

Though it’s an invigorating moment in a lot of ways, it’s also a difficult one, and I’ve been hearing from people that they’re excited to be protesting but also feeling anxious and not sleeping well. How do you keep your mental and physical health up while staying activated around the movement?

As much as it’s our main source of information, we also take frequent breaks from social media. We will delete the various apps from our phones and almost block out the world, in a way. And when we really begin to feel hopeless, prayer and mediation has been so beneficial during these times. As well as working out, to clear our heads and let out any built-up frustration.

Do you have recommendations for your young fans of readings, songs, or movies that they can watch to further educate themselves on racial justice?

The movie American Son shows firsthand what it feels like for a mother to lose her son to police brutality. The book The Water Dancer reminds us of how our ancestors overcame slavery and found freedom through the pain. And even though Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On album was released in the 1970s, it’s still so relevant to what’s going on now in the year 2020.

[Photos were retouched by High Snobiety to make the girls appear lighter. I have included two of the original versions where they are unretouched.]

[mathgeek101]

tag gameeeeeee

tagged by @strohller27 !!!!!!!! Thanks George~

this is a somewhat long tag game, and I have no self control about how much I talk about myself so I'm gonna put it under the cut :)

1. why did you choose your url?

I’m a mathgeek! that's it! Starting in elementary school I went to the junior high school for math classes in the morning, and then at the end of junior high I went to the high school for my math classes again, and was always in math with the grade older than me. I took AP Calc as a junior and got a 5 on the AP test, so it kinda fits I guess. I actually made the moniker for my first email account when I was 13 so I could make a facebook account.

2. any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

LMAO I LITERALLY HAVE 4. Anyway first I have two writing blogs: @i-am-rmt for poetry, and @iamrmt for prose. They act as catalogues of my writing! The prose one is basically inactive, but seeing as it’s simply a catalogue I’m not gonna delete it. Then there is @yiling-who my side blog for The Untamed - yeah that Chinese drama that took tumblr by storm. Big thanks to @hoebutnotreally for convincing me to watch it! Lastly is my side blog for DKB @dkbtho . DKB is a rookie kpop group that I’m currently obsessed with! They’re so cute and they self produce and also do all their own choreography and are such skilled individuals and also are so funny 

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

This year on November 23rd will be the 10 year birthday of mathgeek101!

4. do you have a queue tag?

“qute” it’s on sooo many of my posts because I almost exclusively post from my queue..

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

both my sisters had tumblrs, and I guess I just thought “neat, I’ll make one too.” I remember sitting on the couch during thanksgiving break while my family was watching Harry Potter (the seventh movie maybe?) and designing my blog

6. why did you choose your icon?

oh it’s me! My icon has always been me, because this blog is just a messy collection of my interests. My friend (@hoebutnotreally) did my makeup and hair and we took pictures (I posted some here too!)

7. why did you choose your header?

oh it’s me again! I took that picture on a whim with a silly snapchat filter and I thought it turned out neat, so I hid my icon on mobile and I think my blog looks pretty neat that way.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I think it’s my Mushu Zuko post still... I know there’s a way to check, but I’ll just go with that post for now.

OKAY so I’m back after checking and actually it’s my post about reading Call Me, Beep Me - THE klance voltron fic

idk man is there a way to check that, too? I don’t really interact with my mutuals, and I don’t really get the huge hype around them? like, yeah, I appreciate my mutuals, and I love seeing your posts (oh my friend made a post!). I wouldn’t mind interacting with them more, I’m just awkward and suck at talking to people - even people I know in real life and have to make plans with. But all in all, if a mutual unfollows me, I’m not gonna have a meltdown or anything

10. how many followers do you have?

429! I love you guys! When I post about my followers I always tag it with “i love you guys”

11. how many people do you follow?

I’m following 147 blogs.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

does the Mushu and Zuko post count? Does “hockey is one letter away from hickey” count? I also made a post about Poe Dameron vs Edgar Allan Poe and Po from Kung Fu Panda... you decide. I tag all my original posts with “mine”

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

too much! jk I’m on it very frequently, but lately I’ve been watching youtube videos over scrolling on tumblr

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

nah. Once I did have someone reply to a post I made somewhat rudely, and I replied to them and they didn’t say anything, so if that counts, then I WON.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

eh, they’re pretty dumb, and I’m pretty neutral about them, but I also understand that it’s problematic.

16. do you like tag games?

yes! I really enjoy talking about myself I guess! Wow! Most people honestly do love talking about themselves, and it’s even easier when it’s online and I don’t have to deal with people’s real time reactions :)

17. do you like ask games?

LOVE them. sometimes I wish I was a famous blogger so people would ask me stuff from ask games, but I also don’t reblog them that often.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

ohhhh uhhhhhhh,,,,,,,, idk man

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah, I don’t interact with them enough for that

20. tagging

uhhh if you’ve made it this far and you want to do it consider yourself tagged :)

[amandajoyce118]

Agents Of SHIELD S7E01 “The New Deal” Easter Eggs And References

In the season seven premiere, most of the team ends up in 1931 New York thanks to some time travel shenanigans. We love shenanigans, right? The is the last season premiere ever, and it’s bittersweet, but I’m diving right in.

As always, if you don’t remember this from the last few seasons of me writing up Easter eggs (posts are tagged aos easter eggs if you want to read old ones), this list assumes you have seen the episode. There will be spoilers.

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Again, spoilers. Turn back now if you don’t want them. Okay? Good.

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The Episode Title.

It’s a reference to FDR’s political work. I mean, Coulson even references it and says the episode title in the show. I kind of love when show’s do that? This show didn’t used to, but they did it a lot more the last two seasons, so maybe it’s a thing now.

The Title Card.

I feel like it’s unfair to call this an Easter egg, but if they didn’t put a 1931 timestamp on the top of the episode, the title card could have told you what era the team was in. Whoever was in charge of designing it did a great job making it look like a classic film title card.

Faceless People.

Okay, so the chronocoms erase the faces of the people they wish to resemble. This isn’t really a thing in the comics, but there is a character called “Faceless One.” He happens to be an alien who wants to conquer Earth as well, but is basically a big yellow ball with legs, so I doubt there’s any connection other than the cool effect.

Coulson’s Data Flood.

Okay, we get that literally everything Coulson says when he’s not talking to Daisy, Mack, and Jemma are quotes from previous seasons, right? Good. He even downloads the information on Ghost Rider, his own death, last season, etc.

Deke Has A Workstation.

Okay, not an Easter egg, but I think we need to take a moment and appreciate that Jemma built Deke a workstation and Fitz left him the tool we saw way back in season five. Why? Because Deke never feels like he belongs and he wants so badly to be close to his family, and now, we see that they thought of him while upgrading their ship. He has a place. And it’s right next to Jemma.

Elena Is Quarantined.

That’s because she was infected by the shrike in season six, not because the writers are psychic and knew there would be a massive epidemic going on when the show premiered. (Sorry, typed that before I realized Jemma was going to actually say it in show, so it’s staying in.)

Gemini And Koenig.

Gemini is actually a pretty popular name/codename in Marvel Comics, so it being used as, supposedly, the code name for the person in charge of the speakeasy made me laugh. It’s much more likely here that the bartender didn’t react wrong to the use of the word, that it’s used to weed out pretenders, hence the double barrel shotgun he affectionately calls the twins. I also like that it’s a tease for a Koenig appearing since we initially thought the Koenig siblings were twins and it turns out there are too many for us to count at this point (not really, I’m exaggerating, but great that grandpa or great-grandpa Koenig looks exactly like the modern day Koenigs. I mean, come on, they’re clones or something, right?).

“It’s not exactly your first time being separated by space and time.”

Okay, look, if you have to keep inserting meta humor into a show about how often you separate your main couple, maybe you should stop separating your main couple. (Yes, I know, Iain de Caestecker had another job he was working on in seasons six and seven, but seriously, it’s not funny. Your audience is tired of it.) I mean, to be frank, Fitz is one of my favorite characters in the show, but I didn’t really miss him in this episode? That might sound bad, but I don’t think they needed to comment on him being gone so much considering Jemma told them at the end of season six she didn’t  - and couldn’t - know where he was.

Wilfred “Freddie” Malick.

Daisy explains who he is, but look, it’s the father of Gideon Malick, the same Gideon who became the leader of Hydra after a broken SHIELD (and the Avengers) decided to squash all of its heads, the same guy who got Ward interested in visiting an alien planet where he ended up as Hive. He’s, like, ancient school Hydra, not just old school Hydra. What doesn’t make sense here is that they’re saying the SSR forms in response to Hydra. Technically, the SSR forms, and then they learn about Hydra, unless I’m misremembering, which is totally possible.

The Substance.

So, I gotta wonder… what’s in the test tubes? The earliest we go in the MCU is Captain America, which is still a whole decade after the events of this episode. Prior to that, Hydra experimentation did create the Red Skull, but… still not sure what’s in the tubes. I don’t really have a frame of reference from the comics to speculate either since Hydra was into literally anything and everything. 

New York.

Okay, so I’m curious if anyone knows where they filmed their 1931 New York scenes. I have questions. Because they use the same couple of blocks for all their outside scenes, which makes me think it’s a studio backlot (which would definitely help keep the script quiet) and they’re going to use a different part of the lot next week. A friend asked me if I thought it was the same as the one used for Captain America when he’s in Brooklyn in his first movie. Cap’s first movie’s Brooklyn scenes were filmed on a Universal Studios lot where they had New York building facades and street signs. If you’ve been to the theme park, you basically know what it looks like without the 30s/40s dressing. I think it’s the same lot, and I say this because I actually kept thinking that they used the set pieces Disney used for The Newsies movie in 1992 while watching the episode. Do you know where that was filmed? On the Universal Studios backlot’s New York street set up right after it was renovated in 1991. Huh.

So, Mark Kolpack basically answered this on twitter when discussing VFX. They filmed their New York street scenes on the Warner Bros. backlot, not the Universal one, so I guess the people in charge of designing the set pieces did a great job because they look pretty much the same.

This Picture.

This boxing poster was shared by Jed Whedon on instagram. Honestly, I didn’t spot it in the episode, but that could just be because I have a small television screen and I can’t read the signs unless I pause on a computer and zoom. I have bad eyes, guys. Sorry. Usually signage is something I spot on a second or third watch, but according to Whedon, this is set dressing in the episode somewhere. Probably on the street the characters walk down multiple times. 

Let’s break down the names. Kitson is George Kitson, a story editor, writer, and production assistant on the show. He wrote this episode, and, actually, next week’s episode. The planet Kitson was also named for him. Titley is Craig Titley. He’s a producer and writer for the show, probably best known for writing “4,722 Hours” at this point. Brown is such a common name, but I’m going to guess it’s for Garry Brown who has directed a handful of episodes and is also a producer on the show. Bell is, I’m thinking, Jeffrey Bell, one of the producers and writers on the show. Tancharoen is for Maurissa Tancharoen, one of the showrunners, or you know, maybe her brother, who has directed several episodes (including this one!), or her father, who is in charge of transportation to sets. Gierhart is, I’m assuming, Billy Gierhart, who has directed a lot of episodes of the show, though I don’t think he’s directed any since 2017. (If you look at the matchups, it ends up being writer vs writer, producer vs producer, director vs director when you assume the Tancharoen is Kevin.) It says there are four main events though, and only three are listed?

Not sure if the October 15 date is intentional, but if it is, that’s the day “Eye Spy” aired in season one? Steve Roger’s mother dies on October 15, but in 1936. Not sure if that’s even canon since it’s in a promotional comic, not in anything on screen.

I’m sure there are more, and if you guys spot them and tell me, I’ll add them in. If I notice any on a rewatch, I’ll add them in as well. Who’s looking forward to the time traveling this season?

[tcm]

Rediscovering Bob Hope by Susan King

I once turned down Bob Hope’s offer to take a piece of his pumpkin pie. It was a week after Thanksgiving in 1991. I had been dispatched by my editor at the Los Angeles Times to interview the comic legend, then 88, for his upcoming Christmas special on NBC, Bob Hope’s Cross-Country Christmas, which featured Macaulay Culkin, Reba McEntire, Miss America and the Associated Press All-America Team (football).

Hope had been with the Peacock network for 54 years at that time and he had been doing holiday specials for them since 1953.

All press interviews took place at his famed mansion in Toluca Lake in a Vermont Country Store-decorated family room that overlooked his expansive backyard which was spread over several acres. Lunch was served during the 30-minute interview. Though he was extremely hard of hearing, Hope refused to wear his hearing aids. So, interviewers were placed on his left side at the table because his hearing was better in that ear.

We were served a delicious warm chicken salad with bacon. But the highlight of the meal was a pumpkin pie with warm homemade whipped cream. All conversation stopped while we ate the heavenly dessert. Hope still had once piece left when he forked it and proffered it to me.

“I’ll give it to you for 25 cents,” he said laughing. I didn’t have any change, so I politely turned down the offer. He smiled as he popped the piece into his mouth.

Most baby boomers like myself grew up with Hope. I remember my mother taking me at the age of five to see his last good movie, 1960’s THE FACTS OF LIFE, which also starred Lucille Ball. And on early Sunday evenings, one of the TV stations had a Bob Hope/Bing Crosby Theater, which featured their slaphappy Road comedies (1942’s THE ROAD TO MOROCCO is my fav), as well as such solo Hope hits as 1940’s THE GHOST BREAKERS and 1949’s SORROWFUL JONES, with Ball. And in the 1960s, Hope’s NBC specials, especially the ones where he entertained the troops, were must-see viewing. 

When I was old enough to finally see the Academy Awards, I found him the perfect Oscar host. In fact, he would host the ceremony 19 times either solo or as part of a team. Though he always joked that he was never nominated for an Oscar, he actually received four honorary Oscars as well as the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

But the quality of his movies dropped drastically in the 1960s. I remember sitting in horror in the theater during 1966’s BOY, DID I GET A WRONG NUMBER! and 1967’s EIGHT ON A LAM. And I rarely watched his specials from the 1970s on. He seemed out of touch and too conservative. Hope’s once fun shows seemed wheezy.

When I talked to Richard Zoglin for the L.A. Times in 2014 about his biography, Hope: Entertainer of the Century, he noted that the comic alienated viewers during the Vietnam War.

“He was so sure that we were doing a good thing over there in Vietnam,” he said. “He had been convinced by the generals he met over there that the military was being hamstrung by politicians and if we went all out, we would win this war in a couple of months. He hated that there were protesters out there picketing. He was from the World War II generation. He started speaking out. He would bad-mouth picketers.”

Hope died July 27, 2003, just two months after his 100th birthday. There haven’t been any major retrospectives of his classic films. In fact, the Bob Hope Airport has been renamed the Hollywood Burbank Airport. (Its legal name is still Bob Hope Airport). In a 2016 interview with the L.A. Times, Burbank commissioner Don Brown said that “Bob Hope isn’t doing it. We’ve been told by our travel agencies here and been told by the airlines that we’ve got to do something, and the name Bob Hope just doesn’t identify with this airport.”

I think it would be great if the new decade started with a rediscovery of Hope, who not only conquered film, but vaudeville, Broadway, radio and television. And he was the complete package. Not only was he funny, but he could sing and dance.

Even before he made his feature film debut in 1938’s THE BIG BROADCAST OF 1938, he had starred on Broadway in 1933’s Roberta. Hope and Eve Arden introduced the standard “I Can’t Get Started (with You)” in Ziegfeld Follies of 1936, and he and Ethel Merman turned Cole Porter’s “It’s De-Lovely” into a major hit in 1936’s RED, HOT AND BLUE. “Thanks for the Memory,” the Oscar-winning song from his first film, became Hope’s signature song and a decade later he introduced the Oscar-winner “Buttons and Bows” from his hysterically funny 1948 farce, THE PALEFACE.

Hope really came into his own with the 1939 mystery-comedy THE CAT AN THE CANARY with Paulette Goddard. It was the first time he played what would become his on-screen persona of the brash, wisecracking coward who loved women. Woody Allen later admitted his reel-life character was inspired by Hope.

Hope told me in 1991 that he had been offered a return to Broadway after he came to Hollywood, but “I got lucky after my third picture, THE CAT AND THE CANARY. I turned into box office. When Cat and the Canary came out (people) started running to the theaters. Then Paramount ran over to my dressing room with a contract for seven years. So, I signed up for seven years.” He made one hit after another in the 1940s and 1950s.

“They were not great films, but Hope is great in them,” Zoglin told me. “You can see how focused he is as a performer, how in character he is all the time. He’s good physically, and verbally he’s absolute perfection.

Film and TV historian Stan Taffel also explained to me in 2014 that Hope was as “perfect as Chaplin was. He knew where the camera was, and he knew how to pose for the camera. He didn't take his character so seriously, so we could have fun with it. I think his movies in that era are the best things he ever did.”

Save for the wan 1962 THE ROAD TO HONG KONG, the Road comedies with Crosby and Dorothy Lamour are perhaps his finest achievements. The comedic chemistry between the three is hard to match. Hope noted in my interview that he and Crosby had no idea that 1940’s THE ROAD TO SINGAPORE would kick off a successful franchise. “We didn’t care,” he said. “We used to do anything for a laugh. After about a week [into production], the director, Victor Schertzinger, went into the commissary and sat down at the table and said, ‘I got the easiest job, all I have to do with these guys is say ‘Start.’ But I don’t want to say ‘Stop.’ It was fun.”

The last time I saw Hope in person was at the taping of the special Bob Hope: The First 90 Years in early May, 1993, executive produced by his daughter Linda Hope. The special would go on to win the Emmy for Outstanding Variety, Musical or Comedy Special.

It was an extraordinary evening. I was at the front table with Karl Malden ad his wife and Telly Savalas and his wife. Les Brown and His Band of Renown was to my left. Michael Feinstein and George Burns were sitting behind me. Lamour was at a nearby table and so was Ginger Rogers. I looked to my right and saw President Gerald Ford sitting with Walter Cronkite.

Johnny Carson, who had retired from The Tonight Show opened the special in what would be his last monologue. He told the crowd that it was “astonishing” how much Hope had accomplished over his near seven-decade career, adding that the world is a “better and happier” place with Hope in our lives.

There wasn’t a dry eye int the house when veterans of several wars talked about what it meant to them when Hope came during the conflicts to entertain them.

Back in 1991, I asked if he would ever retire.

He smiled: “Not as long as I feel good. It is too much fun. God, you just have fun just doing things with people. You have fun writing. …It keeps your mind alert and keeps you thinking.”