#i always feel like i'm talking to myself (which isn't very far off tbh)

[penrose-quinn]

I hope my three day trip with my friends will finally put my mind at peace. I just feel so lonely...

[freckliedan]

Hi!!! I just wanted to talk about how Dan and Phil as a brand is so relatable to neurodivergents in the way that they've been treated recently. So DnP built their careers off of being "weird" and "quirky" and socially awkward. That was Their Thing. Dan spoke for years about being violently bullied (quotes such as "being punched in the head by dickheads" stand out as a pre-BIG example of just how violent it got at times), Phil had the Why I Was a Weird Kid series, they both were frequently talked about as being "weird" and "awkward" by other YouTubers - they WERE the "weird" ones of the vlog group. The ones that awkward teens could relate to. Unfortunately, this got the attention of the #imsoquirky crowd who talks like they're experiencing all of these things while also being the same people who would mock me for my autism.

And that's the crowd now saying Dan is too old to be posting catboy photos or saying that the two of them "give the ick now, idk why." And I just can't help but notice how much I relate to that as an autistic and ADHD person. So many times over the years, I've made "friends" who were slightly into my interests, but then got weirded out by how hard I went into them. I think what we're seeing is the same thing happening to Dan and Phil. Drawing cat whiskers on your face to answer questions? Well that's "so cute and quirky"!! (/s). But actually playing as Catboys in JRPGs, dressing up in cat ears, making animal noises (which the two of them always did but ig this group overlooked), etc? Well that's "too far" and "so weird."

I think Dan especially got hit with this because he has more subscribers. When he talks about being bullied, most people can relate to that. But then when he goes and honks a horn in a game repeatedly (which tbh I've done before myself, very ADHD coded of him) or talks about hiding behind vending machines to avoid talking to people, that is suddenly "too annoying/weird" for some of the audience that got into him for his "relatably weird" content.

Sorry this is such a long ramble, but basically Dan and Phil have accidentally become the perfect examples of how kids with autism/ADHD/social pragmatic disorder/nvld/dyspraxia *insert other neurodivergencies that can cause atypical socialization* are treated. People might find your initial "quirkiness" relatable because everyone feels awkward or socially anxious at times, but it's when they see that you are Actually Just Like That and it's not to be #relatable that they turn on you and start saying that you're "too much" and "too weird."

Dan and Phil were the "weird" ones of the British vlog scene, and those of us who tuned into the younows or watched their older videos knew this, but someone who only subbed after watching a meme review or the two of them playing undertale might have assumed that they were the "right" kind of quirky/weird.

This is probably incoherent, but I hope you get what I mean.

this isn't incoherent! just such a well thought out ask i don't have anything to add. there's really specific ways i'm comfortable talking abour dnp + neurodivergence & neurodivergence in general so it's not something i've ever done super in depth posts abt!

i've actually gotten a few really lengthy asks like this over the last few weeks, so this is to you and to my other askers: i really appreciate that folks want to share their ideas with me but sometimes i genuinely don't have enough to contribute in response to add on to what's being said! and that makes it pretty impossible to answer asks like this.

so this is to everyone: feel free to @ me in the replies on your posts! (doing that leaves things cleaner than @ ing in the body of a post, which in my experience means folks are more likely to engage, if that's what you're looking for). especially loop me in about dnp + neurodivergene or dnp + gender!

this isn't a promise i'll rb or even see things, this website's functionality is shit, but like. it's actually way easier for me to see and support than if yall are sending me essay length anons, and this way i + others can find more people who share the same opinions as us! make ur own posts & ppl will follow u i prommy

[starlightshore]

Thanks for the Measured Response™. Unfortunately the character limit doesn't allow for much nuance in asks. My issue isn't so much with the character's actions as the way their conflict is framed. It always feels like we're supposed to judge Asriel way harsher - for ghosting the person responsible for their trauma - than Chara, who is actively trying to hurt them. I know you don't want to trivialize abuse, but the story still botches the subject pretty badly. Still, good luck with the rewrite.

(sighs) please anon, while I do appreciate the effort to acknowledge the lack of nuance in the previous ask, I would much rather you approach me more reasonably. I don't appreciate you coming to me, a complete stranger to both of us, with this attitude of already guilty. can you please learn to talk to people more reasonably? like, I'm living my life out here and you come and accuse me in a really rude way of promoting abuse or whatever the far-fetched conclusion that ask could come across as.

I am more than happy to accept fault over my writing and do my best to improve, but I want to do so on friendly, acceptable terms. please withhold condemnation and explain how and why you feel the story was mishandled. You do so really nicely in the second ask and I appreciate that.

Ultimately, regardless of my intent, my story didn't convey the message and that's, at the very least, mostly my fault. I can try to explain why I'd argue I didn't fuck up as badly as you paint me as, but I will accept that the story I wrote was not emotionally paced well made it weigh more towards cruelty without the hope and understanding I wanted the story to be read as.

I want to stress that I take abuse deadly seriously. I'm a victim of emotional abuse myself and this is something I am desperate to portray in all of its ugly, dirty detail and I want to do it without hurting people. I obviously failed when I first wrote this and I want to say thank you for coming to me about it, even if I feel there is still some friction here I want to express that gratitude. But also please be aware of how you approach people. (referring to the OG ask here).

Anyway

i wanna defend myself here a little and say I think you're missing the bigger picture of the framing of that scene. I feel you forgot the context of that scene and where it's placed in the story. It's this post.

Previously, that entire chapter had Chara idolizing the Asriel they knew as a child. Their timetravel ability being removed meant they longed for that power to control the narrative and live in the past. its like, metaphorical shit for how when growing up its hard to move on from the past and accept that you're aging.

That scene was the point where Chara realized that Asriel wasn't perfect -and has never been. The story is framed by Chara's POV exclusively and navigates Chara's feelings about their separation from Asriel. The "abuse" of that scene is the feeling of an older sibling telling them to "fuck off" and "stop acting like a victim" which are like... like devoid of the context of Asriel's perspective (which we didn't have at this point in the story) is a very hurtful and emotionally damaging thing to say to someone. I can see how someone reading that, who could have been through a similar situation, would react very badly to seeing that in the comic. Thus the content warning. I honestly don't know if "abuse" is the right word here, but what is someone going to have blacklisted for this? Like I said, my goal is to avoid hurting so I'm not going to not tag it. It's an issue of vocabulary vs. accessibility. I still wouldn't know what to tag this tbh.

the overall narrative of the comic is that Chara's perspective of Asriel was holding themself back. they were wallowing over a perfect picture that never existed -which reflected how they hate themselves for not living up to the perfect angelic ideal that they obviously could never have lived up to.

Chara condemning Asriel for being Flowey and being a jerk is the first step towards chara acknowledging their own blame in the equation. pretending the problem doesn't exist and that you're inherently awful doesn't fix things. Immediately after tossing out Flowey, they realize they are a flower as well. (literally becoming the thing they just condemned Asriel)

Once The two reconcile with the help of Actual Adults in the situation, the story changes POV to Asriel. It's then we're given context to Asriel's perspective and to show, that yeah, both of them Suck as people. That both are capable of majorly fucking up. And that's because the tools they're given a life of trauma and being reborn into a world that doesn't understand your damage is in itself traumatizing.

so idk man. the framework here serves a purpose and while I plan on showing a more nuanced and balanced pace -I really need to show the characters having more things going on than their larger conflict + be happier with each other. (the problem with writing for an askblog is that its very reactive and its easier to lean into tension and relationship drama than focus on the lighter but necessary moments. I know for sure the redraw will be better at this)

But yeah the framework, as it stands, feels good to me. Maybe in the details of how it's shown I'll be able to handle the nuances more gracefully but with the larger goal in mind, I'm not sure how I can change that? I would really love to hear your thoughts on that.

[inkfamy]

Issue 1 of Void Rivals was super fun, and in the time honoured tradition of following a comic as it releases I'm going to make some wild extrapolation predictions and hopes for the upcoming new Transformers continuity (focussing mostly on the Transformers, because of course, but also I really enjoyed this issue and I'm excited for the continuing non-Transformers story)

spoilers for Void Rivals #1 below the cut

First up wow, the art style and design in this issue is so pretty, I love how soft the colours are (I'll talk about the Rivals later)

I love that so far we have a nice reworking of the Fire In The Sky story: Jetfire is a scientist, and he managed to (presumably) crash and get stranded and stasis locked for millions of years. I like that he's very much in his G1 characterisation too, he's immediately very gentle and reassuring to Darak and Solila.

(also, moment of appreciation for this nice characterisation; science mind comes to the fore as he studies his own wear and tear and guesses that he's been down for millennia)

(additional moment to hoot in amusement as he immediately forgets about the little people and dashes off)

So making some extrapolations and guesses based on the tiny bit of info we glean here:

Jetfire is a scientist, and he crashed millennia ago, so

if we're borrowing the Fire In The Sky premise, is Starscream going to be an ex scientist again? Please let Starscream be a scientist again

The war between the Autobots and Decepticons has presumably been waging for millions of years, as per most other continuities

It would be neat to get an introduction to Cybertron as it is now and its state of affairs through Jetfire's frantic return (or attempt to return)

Darak and Solila are able to jump start(??) Jetfire with their tech which is fun and interesting (I am always a fan of "non-TF squishies can use their automobile/mechanical/science knowhow to do stuff to Cybertronians) BUT

(extreme leap) Darak specifically is inspired by Jetfire's abilitiy to transform and starts working on a way to use his and Solila's flight suits to repair their ships. Given how advanced their tech seems to be (and Handroid apparently being some kind of robo AI), does this mean we might be looking at a headmasters plot in the future?

We also got a nice author's note at the end of the issue from Robert Kirkman, which was an interesting peek at his own thoughts on the series. It was particularly interesting that he specifically mentions the 86 movie and Optimus Prime's death as both a key point in his experience as a Transformers fan, and as a lesson he took forward as a storyteller. (extremely tenuous extrapolation) While Kirkman isn't the main writer in the upcoming Transformers run, I wonder if this means we can possibly look forward to (dread?) some big character deaths and plot twists (not unusual for a comic series of course but also I am vibrating at high frequency). He also says that the Agorrians and Zertonians will be part of the EU, so super interesting to see how this is woven in with the TF story.

Moment after all this leaping to wild conclusions to appreciate Jetfire's design and his little kitty ears

So, Jetfire was there for all of 3 pages and then promptly dipped. I was expecting them to find him wrecked, but tbh I thought it would be at the end of the issue as a cliffhanger. It does sort of feel like he was just shoved in there (maybe to make TF fans buy into Void Rivals if I'm being affectionately cynical) very briefly, but I don't find myself minding too much since we're getting a new Transformers ongoing later this year (I don't mind when comics have a little thing that doesn't get explained until another series), but since the poster for Void Rivals shows Jetfire a) with an Autobot insignia [he doesn't have one in the issue #1 panels] and b) holding Darak and Solila, I am curious (but not holding my breath) that he might turn up again somewhere between now and October.

I feel like this post is getting overly long so I'm just going to bullet point some thoughts about Darak and Solila, their deal, and the things this issue seems to be setting up for the Void Rivals story:

I love Handroid so much, I don't care if it's the active tool of a Nefarious Regime

Neat parallel between the Agorrians and Zertonians and their apparently generational war, and the Cybertronians and their *waves hand*

Obviously someone(s) for some reason(s) have a vested interest in keeping the Agorrians and Zertonians at war, not learning about one another, and not getting a moment to even think about not killing each other

(another extreme leap) please give me Quintessons mixed up in the wars of multiple species across the universe

Mild disappointment that both aliens are just "slightly different coloured humans" in design but the moment they took off their helmets and looked at each other and saw they were the same was so lovely that I forgive it

I was expecting to be fairly disinterested in the non-Transformers plot, especially because GI Joe has really never called to me, but this issue really felt like a nice introduction, I'm definitely curious about what's going on between the Agorrians and Zertonians, what's going to happen when Darak and Solila inevitably manage to escape and are now known by both their factions to have worked with The Enemy, and also dying for more Handroid. Also I am shoving Jetfire content into my mouth and chewing frantically before anyone can take it away.

[imogenleewriter]

✨ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨

THANK YOU @nouies FOR THE TAG!! I'd missed the notif and was reading yours and thinking it looked fun to do and then when I got to the bottom I saw you'd tagged me.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

5 but one is a WIP

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

581,554 - which is pretty decent for less than a year, I think lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

one direction 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

You Can Hear It In The Silence

You, Me (and everyone we know) - Which is crazy because it's the WIP!

Save Me (from myself)

You're Not My Type (still I fall)

I Hope You Choke (on those words) - which is like my neglected child. I always forget it exists and literally never mention it.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? WELL, I used to and it was something I prided myself on. But, well, I am so extremely lucky to have such a loud, and talkative readership who are insanely loud and talkative... I've been trying to catch up, but I'm still about 2 months behind and that's after me giving up on like 7 chapters of ymaewk. It was just getting too hard to try and catch up so I cut my losses and am just going from the chapter I'm up to. I will one day. But also, some of those comments are like 4 months old now, so people might not want answers to those? It must be annoying to get emails for those, right? RIGHT?

But in general YES! And it's something I feel really passionately about. If someone goes to the effort to write a comment, I really think they deserve a reply - and a decent one. All that being said, I think everyone kind of thinks that way? Like I've never commented on a fic and not gotten a reply?? So I'm pretty sure everyone replies.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? None? Angsty endings aren't really my thing, and I don't think they ever will be. I want everything wrapped up as neatly as possible. I guess maybe I hope you choke, because it's only 3k words, so it's not like... fully resolved? But there isn't much to resolve.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Hopefully all of them?? I think maybe ychiits because it was really, really well resolved? Like... every single thread was tied. You're Not My Type also had a really happy one but it's such a soft fic that I don't think it would ever not.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

A little. A lot less than I deserve, tbh lol. The main place I've seen it is in bookmarks, so now I just don't check the bookmarks. (if you're going to bookmark a fic with criticism, make it private).

I do get a few... odd comments. Like they're not hate, but they're just... idk how to explain it without signalling comments out. In a fic discord group, I'm in with like 70 members. There is literally a sticker that says 'Imogen's comment complaint time,' for me to use when I... complain about those comments, lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah. Very consensual, often awkward smut lol. Like to keep it real.

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No. At least not as far as I'm aware and I'm sure someone would tell me if I had.

I've been accused of 'stealing' fics... twice. But both times were by anons who hadn't actually read the fics, and had just read the summaries/tags... and both times were low-key ridiculous (again, I say this as if I didn't cry both times... and have to turn anon comments off).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah... actually... I think one has been done and I haven't linked it yet. Shit. So I'm pretty sure that ychiits has two (one that I haven't linked) and someone is doing SMFM now. I currently have a rule that it can only go on ao3, and not Wattpad but I'm low-key thinking about changing it. In fact, I'm kind of thinking about uploading them to Wattpad... it's just no one ever does it and I don't know if there is a reason for not doing it??? Is there are reason? Why don't people upload to Wattpad??

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but @hereforh and I are in the process of writing one!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Larry. The only time I've read other ships is when I've been reading smut lol. And that's more about the smut than the ship.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I always think of WIPs as in ones I've started uploading lol. And I always intend to finish those. But WIP as in started but not uploaded? Yeah, heaps!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, relatively authentic characters, and complex plots.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else. I feel like my writing technique is ... shit, tbh. I'm really surprised no one ever says it. I do feel like it's improved a bit, but yeah, still shit.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think if I was going to write much of it, I'd find someone who spoke it well. I'm not really sure when I'd need to do it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I always say I never wrote fanfic until One Direction but I'm not ENTIRELY sure that's true. When I was a young teenager, I used to read All Time Low fanfiction on Quizilla and I did upload some stuff there. As far as I can remember, they were all original fiction but it's possible I wrote an ATL one. I know I wrote a tiny one based on the song Self-Conclusion by The Spill Canvas. I think it was literally using the dialogue from the song and then writing around it.

20. Favorite fic you've written? 

Oooooh, so tricky. I love them all for different reasons. Ychiits will always be my baby forever and ever.

Probably YMAEWK, and the only thing that stops me from being sure it's that one is just that it's less relatable. Like I know with ychiits and even SMFM, people saw themselves in the characters and story. Whereas I feel like it's harder to relate to ymaewk and long term, it might not have as big of an impact. BUT, I do love those boys soooo much and love the story. So, yeah, probably ymaewk.

Anddddddd (sorry if you've already been tagged and obviously no pressure) I tag @hereforh @nooradeservedbetter @lunarheslwt @enchantedlandcoffee @thelavendrhaze and anyone else who wants to do it!

[rachaeljurassic]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about Phryne's dad today. And about how much he can fuck up 🙁

So, some speculation...

There's the very obvious fact that Phryne wants him nowhere near her. He's a piece of shit dad who locked her in a cupboard (and I don't know whether or not I want Jack to remember his rather flippant reply to that becasue yikes. I get that Phryne throws these things around like she's not serious about them but she wouldn't lie about that, argh many feels about that exchange).

So what age-old crap is going to be dragged up by him or just by him being near by. Am I ready for that (spoiler, I am not!) And is that going to actually be the catalyst for something. But I'm getting ahead of myself 😉

The things is, I don't see him being at all pleased when he realises quite who Jack is to Phryne. Aunt P isn't exactly keen on the idea but her untimely interuptions do at least seem to be accidental. I'm not sure that would be the case for Phryne's dad.

You see, thinking about it from a writing perspective it seems clear that these bastards in the writers' room want to keep Phryne and Jack away from each other until the final second of the final fecking episode (to torture ME, obviously 😡). So how do they do that? Aunt P can only do so much. She's been a trooper so far. Every time the writers accidentally got the two of them a bit too close they could always count on dear old Aunt P to come in and fuck it up for them. But they can't KEEP doing that! They needed to bring in a wingman for her tbh So, enter Phryne's dad. Except I don't think he's going to he half as benign as Aunt P (as much as I want to string her up I still love her 😊).

And sure, he could tell Jack he's not good enough for Phryne, which given their respective places in society is likely what he thinks no matter where they started out. But that would probably just make Jack angry and more likely to stick around to be contrary. And if Phryne ever found out she'd kick dad to the curb. No, I can see her dad being a lot cleverer than that. And I think the one thing he could use was that Jack can't provide for her. Not, at least, in the way that she's used to.

And no, I don't think Jack would think that Phryne would care about that, but I think HE would care. Even today there are plenty of men who are not comfortable with earning less than their gf's/wives. How much more so would it be in the 1920's. As much as Jack has come to accept/love that Phryne is daring and brave and won't ever be told what to do, I'm not sure he'd want to be seen as a kept man. The sort of men who hook up with wealthy women who pay all the bills are shiftless loosers. What would Phryne's friends think of him? What would he think of himself. He is something of a liberal man but he is also a product of his time and him upbringing. Jack has a lot of pride. How would he deal with sly and subtle comments from Phryne's dad about men who live off their wives money? Eventually I could see a crisis. But how angry Phryne would be when she finds out what it was all about. At her dad AND Jack I would imagine. How dare her dad, obviously. But how dare Jack think that she cared a jot about what anybody thought. Phryne is a thoroughly modern woman who enjoys flipping societies expectations and damn the consequences. I can see Jack saying something along the lines of 'but what do I bring to this?' And in the end, after some heartbreaking scenes where they're not talking to each other probably 🙄 I would just love Phryne to explain. She would say how Jack is the first man she has loved who loves her for who she is, the first man she has ever trusted, the first who did not want to control her/change her/use her for their ends. That he taught her what love was, and that it was OK to admit that you need help. Which brings me back to the comment at the beginning. Phryne NEVER needs help, or at least never admits it, but perhaps everything that her dad will drag up will mean that for once in her life she NEEDS somebody. And that somebody is Jack.

We'll see I guess 😁

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi momdad! I hope you’re having a wonderful day so far.

So I kind of needed your advice on something. I’ve been attending university for a few years now and I’ve been friends with this girl for most of that time. And well, recently she kind of ditched me for this clique I suppose, that’s like a bunch of really cool and well known people and well, I’m really shocked. She’d been dropping hints for like 2 days I guess but still, I didn’t think she’d just ditch me for a shiny new friend group like that. The thing is, our friendship was very much due to circumstances, like when you befriend someone because you see them every day and tbh I don’t think we’d be friends if we weren’t classmates. But it was mostly a good friendship you know? We were respectful and we had our fun. So I’ve been feeling awful but on the other hand I know this is a good thing, she wasn’t the greatest friend, it felt like I was her therapist while I could barely talk about my problems with her. And I always spent so much time on getting her really well thought out gifts and the things she got me were so impersonal, like she didn’t know me at all. She would spill other people’s secrets to me even when I told her not to. And she would talk behind other people’s back in a really mean spirited way and I was just scared of standing up to her. She was also like really homophobic (very fun for a closeted bisexual like myself btw) and I don’t know, she had such a hot and cold personality, it always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her and like I could never really be myself around her and I know I’m not perfect obviously, I can be a bit blunt and blurt out things that are hurtful even though I don’t mean to upset people and I know I’m not the most affectionate person, even though I try. And I know the fact that I was willing to stick it out with her just so I wouldn’t be alone doesn’t reflect well on me at all and basically makes me look like a doormat. But I was so afraid of being lonely and not having friends. Which is what happened anyway I guess. But again, I’m so so scared of being alone. And the fact that I’m more upset about being alone than the fact that she won’t really be in my life anymore tells me all I need to know. I’ve been trying to have a positive outlook on this whole thing and I’m trying to be excited about having the chance to go out there and make new friends that match my personality better but the thing is I’m not the best at making friends, I’m really shy and introverted and it feels like everyone’s already made their friends and won’t be in need of more of them. I am friendly with a lot of people just no one that’s like a close friend like her. So I don’t know, I’ve been having a really bad time, I’ve lost my appetite and I can’t really concentrate while studying. I just feel so unlovable, like there’s something inherently wrong with me. So I’ll appreciate any words of advice that you might have for me💗 I’m really sorry this got so long.

hey there, sweetheart, i'm so sorry you're going through this hard time. i spent a long time struggling to make friends and feeling lonely, so i can definitely relate.

first off, i think you kinda dodged a bullet with losing this 'friend', and it sounds to me like deep down you know that too. i don't want to judge a young person too harshly, but at the very least, it sounds like she has a LOT of growing up she needs to do and right now she just isn't a very pleasant person to be around.

i understand being lonely and not having friends, i promise, but i've also learned that alone, as much as it sucks, is a lot better than being with the wrong people. and that ultimately, no matter how many friends you do gain, part of growing up is learning how to make peace with being alone. some people never learn how to just sit with themselves, and it causes them a lot of problems. if you can start facing that challenge early in life, you'll be ahead.

second of all, i'm just going to be blunt with this: i think there's a good chance you're autistic. don't just take my word for it, but my autism radar started beeping like crazy while i read your message, and i think it would explain a whole lot about what you're dealing with.

now, please understand that "autistic" isn't an insult or some kind of prison sentence. autism is just being a bit different, like having a brain that runs on a different operating system. sometimes that's cool, sometimes it causes problems when interacting with the world, but it's neither inherently good or bad, it just is.

i didn't realize i was autistic until i was in my 20s, and while kind of a shock, it actually turned out to be a huge relief, because it allowed me the chance to say "there's not something wrong with me, i'm just autistic. i'm not weird or crazy, other people like me feel the same way."

since i could go on for ages on this topic, i'd suggest you check out my autism traits tag and see what you think. if i'm wrong, no big deal, forget about it, but if you relate really hard to what you find there, then it might go a really long way to helping you understand yourself.

but, all that said, i'm not trying to pathologize you or 'explain away' your feelings. believe me, i totally get how you feel. i didn't have any real friends until i met my qpp when i was 17 (and we've been best friends for 17 years, go us), and high school was a humiliatingly lonely experience for me. i was always trying to be friends with other kids, and they'd say vaguely nice things about me, but never actually try to spend time with or talk to me. it made me feel just awful.

looking back, i have a lot of compassion for myself, because making friends IS hard when you're shy and introverted (and especially when you're autistic too), when people are generally nice to you but don't make any offers to become better friends. if i could give you a little advice, it'd be to speed up the process and go ahead and have some compassion for yourself now, because you're young and still figuring life out and this isn't easy and it's making you feel awful about yourself. that's a situation that deserves some compassion, don't you think?

remember that compassion isn't the same as pity. you're not "feeling sorry for yourself" if you just look at your situation and say, yeah, this is hard and i'm struggling. it makes sense for me to feel bad when i'm struggling with something hard.

but another piece of advice that i'd give is for you to always, always remember that no matter how they present themselves outwardly, everyone around you is wrestling with their own insecurities. the 'friend' who abandoned you? she really wants those cool people in the clique to like her. even those cool people in the clique are insecure.

everyone is insecure, especially the people who are trying the hardest to seem like they aren't. that's just how humans work. we're all scared deep down inside.

so while it's hard, and anxiety-inducing, i promise that there are tons of people around you who also want more friends, but are posturing and trying to seem cool, because who wants to LOOK like they need friends, right? the truth is, most people (who aren't jerks) are really happy to receive attention and to be asked to do something like go to lunch or go see a movie.

even more than that, people LOVE talking about themselves, so if you have an acquaintance that you'd like to get to know better, try asking a few friendly questions about their hobbies or style or pets or what they're studying. if you don't know what to ask about, you could say, "hey have you seen any good shows lately? i'm looking for something new to watch." that can easily start a fun chat, and once you've had a fun chat it's easier to have another one.

now, i don't want you to end up in another friendship where you're the one doing all the work all the time, so try to direct these efforts to someone who will ask you questions in return and seem interested in what you have to say. i'm not judging you for how you let your friend treat you, not at all, i just don't want you to let everyone treat you like that.

i know it's frightening and difficult, but socializing takes practice, like everything in life. it's okay to make flubs and embarrass yourself, i promise it's not the end of the world. just try talking to people, okay? especially if you relate to them and share similar interests. i have a social skills tag that might be helpful too.

if i could manage to find my best friend by commenting on her phantom of the opera fanfic on fanficion.net in 2005, you can find one too. <3

[tvrningout-archived]

Give me anything with Kaigaku and Nicolette!! His thoughts on her in general. His possible fear of her death. The evolution of their relationship through affectionate touch. Him feeding on her. ANYTHING

@violetueur | ask me about my muses!

while i prepare to go off about these two, pls look at kai's lil fangs! they're very cute and he's very cute and i think we all need to acknowledge this for a sec

i'm so sure that at the beginning of their friendship, kaigaku thought nicolette was annoying bc he's him and unfortunately can't stand very many people asdfg but now traits he found annoying he admires -- like her persistence ( which translates into her refusal to give up on someone even if they've given her plenty reason to drop them like a sack of potatoes ) and how hard it is to properly deter her.

now kaigaku thinks she's annoying but in an endearing way <3 does he get all embarrassed and prickly when she wants to be verbally/physically affectionate to push his buttons? yup, but he can't say he 100% hates it! does he get mad when she endangers herself for his sake? yep, but just bc he doesn't want her to get hurt vs. feeling like she thinks he can't take care of himself!

listen i just love thinking about how far they must've come since day one of knowing each other :' )))

btw if nicolette dies, kaigaku will 100% blame himself for not being there, not being strong enough, etc. he won't care what the circumstances are -- in some way, it's gonna be his fault in his head. i don't think it's something he allows himself to think of while idle ( or at least tries not to ), but it's definitely something he worries about every time they get into a serious fight. he's always got half a mind to tell her to run away.

ALSO the infinity castle arc...... they better go into that fortress together and nicolette better be prepared to have kaigaku be on edge bc he's so so scared what might happen to her ;;;; like for the first time in a long while, whatever fear he might feel for his own life is just! not even there bc he's too busy worrying over her!

as for the affectionate touch AHHH alright i'm just soft thinking about it bc kai isn't very physically affectionate, but the fact that nico is changes that a lil! kai can't bring himself to be casually affectionate even as time goes on bc he feels so awkward, unnatural compared to nicolette; he always initiates touch bc of some larger reason, such as grounding nico after an intense fight or seeking comfort when his mistakes start to plague his mind. in those moments, he doesn't second guess it. he lays his head on her shoulder, grabs her hand, etc. and it just feels right :' )

that's another thing to note -- he always goes for small touches vs. going for a hug, and i think that's just bc he's not naturally affectionate physically, so he goes for more subtle gestures.

you know i always let myself forget that nicolette lets kaigaku feed on her to control his hunger and every time i remember i scream bc kai must feel so icky and guilty about it for the longest time : ((( especially bc at the beginning, he surely loses himself at least once, probably when he's pushed himself for too long without eating, and he gets furious with himself for hurting/almost hurting her.

i imagine that at some point, kaigaku requests that they get bottles or flasks or something bc he doesn't want to feed from nico directly if there's even a chance he could lose control. he just wants her to be safe ;;;;;

tbh i think about how nicolette is kind of the one person keeping kaigaku going and helping him grow in our lil au and how i dunno how he'd handle her death. like he came back to the corps bc she fought for him. she's the one who accepts him despite everything, who cares for him when he feels so alone, so what happens if he loses her?

on a lighter note, pls imagine kai growling inside his box bc nicolette said something he dislikes and the person she's talking to goes " what's that?? " and she says " oh it's just my cat! he gets grumpy if i don't give him attention <3 " and kai is just very silently fuming asdfgh

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

I AM HERE FOR THE SECOND TIME TODAY AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY!!! FIRST OFF I LOVED EVERYTHING ABT THIS STORY!!!!

the actual enemies (or at least very bitter rivals) to lovers, the drama, the chois showing up all of a sudden like what???? it was better than i could have expected

i think this yn is my fave yn so far. which is saying a lot but she felt so real!! her struggles with her self-esteem and learning that she's nore than what her family told her to be and that she deserves to be loved and cherishes both platonically and romantically <333

AND I HAD SMTH ELSE TO SAY ABT ONE CHAPTER IN PARTICULAR BUT I! CAN'T! REMEMBER!!!

anyways i think i said pretty much all i needed to say in the tags but i loved this smau sm <3 fave character obviously our dear ynwon shipper. or beomgyu. actually it's probs beomgyu i love him <33

a final question: why did you decide to add beomgyu, yeonjun and soobin? did you have it planned from the start, like them specifically? and who was YOUR favorite character??

i'll be reading your new(ish) ynwon au probably not tomorrow but the day after bc i'm gonna have a busy day (9h & a half of classes and then i'm going to a 2010 pop themed party! fun!!)

as always, have a good night and i hope you're doing ok <3 if you're ever not, you can always talk to me <33

ITS ME, HI IM THE PROBLEM ITS ME!! *ANTI HERO BEING MY ANTHEM SAYS A LOT ABOUT ME*

Moving on from that, I'm glad you loved the story so much. It's always wonderful to know that readers love what I write. Like yeah I mainly wrote for myself but the praise tho I feel it's unneeded (I'm always gonna be finding things I couldve done better 😂).

Honestly this story really took a life of its own. I say that with every smau tbh, I start with one idea and then by the end it's a different but still somehow similar idea that I started it 😂.

I'm so glad this YN is ur fave. She's struggling so much even if everything was okay cause her inner demons were always there, they didn't disappear and her learning to lean on those around her, accept that she is loved and cared for was very important to me.

I also was very cautious in that I didn't villainize YN for these very real feelings that everyone feels.

God knows I've been through moments of self hatred and I wanted to show that it's never as bad as you think. You might think your all alone but there is always someone there for you to talk to. I know that YN frustrated readers when she let her insecurities get in the way of her happiness but that is a reality that sometimes you get so in your head that you think what your doing is best when it isn't.

Sorry went on a whole tangent abt this YN 😂😅.

I loved your reactions in the tags, pls don't stop them, they were the best and I need them for every story now 😂😂.

Beomgyu was his chaotic self and I loved him for it 😂. @nyxtwixx being your fave character cracks me up honestly.

Oooh good question. I don't necessarily plan my smaus tbh. I just have the rough idea then it's chapter by chapter. Which if you've noticed is why chapter titles tend to change quite a bit cause I change my mind or this one idea doesn't work but this other idea for the next chapter works better.

I love txt and Soobin is my bias so I was always going to include him. Yeonjun and Beomgyu kinda just came along too. The idea to have them be triplets came and I ran with it. All three of them were gonna cause more chaos and strife with there being actual feelings still there with Sooyn but I decided against that after considering how much YN is dealing with low self esteem and self hatred. In the end I love the bond they have 🫶🏼🫶🏼.

If I can give another rec, I suggest reading Peace that's my other HP au but it's Jay this time and it's Gossip Girl meets Harry Potter. (I just wanna know your views on that 😂).

Take your time, the new Jungwon fic will be there just a word of warning, I'm sorry if Hyunjin is your bias... That's about all the spoiler I'll give you in regards to that smau.

Don't get burned out with so much school!! And have fun at that party sounds like it'll be a great time!!.

Same goes to you, if you ever want to vent or just chat, I'm here 🫶🏼🫰🏼.

[dilfdoctordoom]

I'm sorry about everything that's been happening, you don't deserve it. I have no idea where they're even getting you supposedly being a terf from tho, because as a trans person that's been following you for probably a year now (?? I think) I've always gotten the opposite vibes, but then again we've already seen reading really isn't their strongsuit lmao

I do have a question/situation that I wanted to get your opinion on. About two years I wrote a couple fics in which I wrote Tim as aro. I was genuinely thrilled when they made him bi but as a result I feel kind of weird about those works now tbh. I mostly wrote them because I myself am aro and wanted to like, idk create more aro stories out there I guess and also project some feelings lmao and as there aren't... well, any canon aros within dc (as far as I'm aware), I just picked someone. However, I'm worried that if I wanted to write something again now it'd appear biphobic, when the last thing I want to do is erase the representation DC is slowly starting to give us. I know you are not like, the authority on sexuality or whatever, but as you are bi I would like to hear your opinion regardless (if you're feeling up to it rn).

Either way, sending hugs and support for you <3

(Also sorry if my tone is off I'm not a native speaker + I'm tired, I hope it's clear that I genuinely mean no harm)

Thank you for your support <3 gonna go under the cut so I can cover everything but

IMO, there isn't anything wrong with having written fics of Tim being ace a couple of years ago? A load of people read him as ace for decades, just like how people read him as bi! He's always felt very LGBTQ.

It would be a different thing writing it now, though? If that makes sense? Like he is bisexual (hasn't explicitly said it in comics but has been confirmed by creators) now, rather than before, where he never had an explicitly stated sexuality.

There are a few canon asexuals in DC though! Connor Hawke is the most recent example (he had a story in this year's Pride anthology).

The Pride special also confirmed that Querl Dox of the Legion of Superheroes is asexual! It was a very underrated thing that people didn't talk about enough but also of course I would say that the Legion are my angels who can do no wrong and deserve literally everything good in this world.

Roshanna Chatterji, from the N52 book "The Movement" might be one of the only other comic characters at DC to explicitly say they're asexual?

Legends of Tomorrow also added an original character, Spooner, to the team who is asexual, but I haven't watched that so I don't want to speak on its quality in portraying an asexual character.

Those are the only explicitly stated to be asexual DC characters that I can remember right now but there some indie comics that have ace characters, like Archie, Sleepless and Lumberjanes

[noxiatoxia]

heyy yyits been a while

ngl i ran out of hikakao hcs/scenarios. i cant think of anything,, so if u have any please share i want to talk about them but i have nothing in my brain. brain empty

ALSO i want to play sonic now i keep seeing post about it and im like Damn i want to play a sonic game. never been able to play one because ive never been fortunate enough to own a nintendo device, like a ds or a switch. def would've LOVED sonic if i did have one when i was younger, considering how much i love the guy now. unfortunately i have No Money. Sad

also this is unrelated but i really like tetris i like tetris a lot. i play tetris for hours on end recently,, i even started playing it in my head any second my mind wanders. every time i close my eyes, my brain is fitting together those colored blocks. its a lifestyle now, one ill never escape. but thats ok im a little autistic and i like tetris. life is good

HEY it's ok dude i get it!! sincerely just Thankful somebody has as much brain rot as me abt them

I guess I'll take this moment to ramble a teeny bit about them. So the other day I was on a JP doujin site reading this hikakao doujin and I was like "Oh I've seen this one before but in English. Where's the english one" and i almost went searching for it till i realized that. there is no english translation I just can read/understand Japanese so I've read it before and understood it and that translated into my head as "it must have been in english" which is so wild to me. gaslit myself into believing there was an eng version of this doujin bc i can read japanese.

The other thing I've been thinking about is the ship itself and how I like to perceive it.... believe it or not I have rather complicated feeling on it. As in, there's a LOT of thoughts I have about hikakao as a ship. Obv there's the straight forward romantic "they're in love your honor" way WHICH I don't mind not at all, I like it. But I think my favorite dynamic is?? hard to pin point. So ok, in my head, I don't think they see each other (or would ever really see each other) as "boyfriends" or even romantically? But their relationship is def more than platonic. Basically some weird queer shit is happening idk. They're each other's closest and most important person, they are closer than most COUPLES are with each other but they don't see each other as lovers. But they do all those gay things, depending on how I feel I want to portray them sometimes it's just they kiss sometimes bc they're that close with each other and other times it's like. yeah they fuck. But either way it's like. They always see each other as brothers and nothing "more", but "brothers" to them is this very very weird thing. It's what most people would consider "dating" and "lovers" but that's not how they see it. Is this making sense.

I think this fanfic is the closest adaptation to what I'm trying to describe here, it's short but rlly fucking good. But it's a really interesting take on their relationship and tbh? I think I vibe with this the most. They're not "in love" but they love each other, and people on the outside might not see a difference. I guess it comes down to the fact romantic/platonic attraction is a spectrum, and Hikakao lies in some weird gray era.

Of course tho I love the ship in all forms, even strictly only platonic/familial, cuz I guess my interpretation isn't too far off, just a little more "questionable" (lol).

And idk your thoughts on tamahikakao, or haruhikakao, but I love both those ships, too. I have VERY complicated feelings on both much like hikakao itself so if you wanna know more I'll let you know >u< but ANYWAYS yeah, I'm obsessed with these co-dependent weirdos, love 'em (and for anybody new here reading this I think it should be common fucking sense but I do not support incest in real life bc what the fuck)

About SONIC!!! I could talk literal hours. I have before to my friends. Sonic was my first and oldest special interest, the series is so dear to my heart. I don't know EVERYTHING of course, I think that's impossible, but I'm close. I know so much useless facts/watched all the shows + movies/played the games (not all of them, also broke + i suck at sonic games hilariously)/read the comics/etc etc. My favorite sonic games growing up, hilariously, we're not any of the main line games. I always loved the spin-offs. My absolute favorite was Dr. Robotnik's mean bean machine. I played that sooo much, beat it multiple times. It's literally just puyopuyo reskinned. Otherwise, I LOVED Sonic Fighters, Sonic 3D Blast, Sonic R, Sonic Riders and Shadow the Hedgehog. Some may say I have bad taste but I say everyone just doesn't fucking know how good these games were /lh (altho I will defend Shadow the hedgehog to the grave I LOVED that game)

Of course I played all the other major titles, the genesis games, Colors, generations, black night/secret rings, unleashed, etc etc even 06, which back then as a little kid even I knew it wasn't very good... it just wasn't that fun to play.

OH I almost forgot the handheld games. I sadly didn't get to experience the ones outside of the Gems Collection for gamecube, so the GBA/DS ones I never really got a chance to play except Sonic Battle (LOVED THIS ONE TOO), Sonic Rush, and Sonic Chronicles which... was a VERY interesting game that confused me a lot as a kid but I still liked it (basically Sonic JRPG)

someday here, I plan to buy the Sonic Advanced titles, since outside of Sonic Ultimate Flash (that fanmade game) I never got to really play them. I like playing on actual hardware, and I have a DS Flashcart, so I can play any DS game, but GBA games I cannot.... maybe I'll get a GBA flashcart if they exist and aren't too pricey.

If you're like me and don't like playing on PC emus bc it's just better to play on actual hardware, all I can really suggest is save up for a ds + a ds flashcart. Otherwise, if you have an Xbox system or Play Station, I know quite a few sonic games are on those! Sonic Heroes (forgot to mention, love this one too) is on the OG Xbox, and Shadow the Hedgehog + Unleashed are on PS2. And of course there's many on Xbox360/PS3, and so forth. So if you have those systems look into what Sonic games there are!!

And of course you can always just read the new IDW comics (much better than the Archive comics IMO, up to issue 52 rn. It's SO good, the story and the new characters are just amazing.

Also, I love tetris, too :) It's a fun calming game for me. Also it's got that sick music, obviously. I have Tetris Plus for the gameboy and play it when I get bored, but I wish I had the OG tetris bc I don't think Plus has the music... it's been a long time, tho. Dr. Mario is another game I have and am kinda obsessed with tbh. Ah good memories man

[raazberry]

lemnis really went after he got attached to the original individuals and sought to set things right skjfcndskj

but yeah, it's pretty eerie when you think about it because he just plopped into [godtongue]'s universe and stayed there for who knows how long, definitely witnessed the celestial war from down below, and then suddenly everything goes quiet. there's no communication, there's no check-ins, it's just him. he may as well assume all of the other archons & denizens abandoned him 💔 (or dead but yk)

and he was seeking them out! i didn't include this bit, but the second he felt that they were (about to be) born, he'd go and visit them. a lot of the times, he'd visit as they were growing up until they couldn't stay in their respective homes any longer, taking them in with him to keep them safe & "hidden". in [godtongue]'s case, he knew both of her parents beforehand, particularly her mother. after she took her leap of faith, he made sure to notify her father when he could!

"yo i saved ur daughter ur freaking welcommee 🙄🙄" and then her dad went "pls. pls just keep her safe" "thats the plan son" /j

and like. you'd imagine that [godtongue] would be traumatized after losing so much.. and she was! her teenage years consisted of her learning patience & how to forgive herself. before, she would impulsively confront 'in the name of justice', but she hadn't stopped before to think what that was. she didn't realize it, but she'd grown snarky & bitter in the face of everyone who was against her family.

tbh she was pretty much a well-meaning shithead during those next couple of years (mostly towards lemnis) lmao, all the while she grew into a very admirable and compassionate person, and especially a warm-hearted older sister you could depend on. she'd sneak into lemnis' secret studies and work twice as hard just to be able to read through his archives & books and once her younger siblings came more into the picture, she'd often aid them in their own interests & inspire them (both in a bad and good way) <3

as an adult she's respectful & fairly curious, going as far as managing to eavesdrop on RAD's student council in season 1 only to quickly be caught by barbatos, who would invite her to tea during every meeting to keep her occupied. unfortunately (or fortunately? hue hue) for barbatos, she'd ask questions that were both clever & thoughtful in nature--she isn't so easily quieted down lolol, but barbatos is probably the ONLY demon thar rivals her wit in his manner, and in a teasing sort of way, too. no matter! because she also successfully teases him back (•́⌄•́๑)૭✧ they are good friends, your honor

..save for the times she'd always look a little too deep into his eyes thanks to her curiosity, which would always be responded with “you see too much, my friend.” ..which has proven to be true all her life tbh so it's a haunting line for her

ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR THINKING THIS IS INTERESTING!! yes casteus was the chosen descendant for the great old god, tian! and nazeli falling to her death was meant to parallel aurelia (hehe) leaping off the cliff. in a way, the fact that the original godtongue chose her makes you wonder if she was meant to live out the life she would've wanted for nazeli. she outlived her daughter, and now the new godtongue would outlive her own mother.

i definitely have more info on her siblings but i'll leave it at that for now 👌👌 honestly it's so funny when i talk about [godtongue]'s lore to friends because when i mention any of the obm cast they're like "i forgot this is your mc's backstory" and honestly love myself for that jdnfvks i really love writing it out, too!! i hope you're feeling okay btw <3

in all honesty i keep forgetting that this is your MC's lore as well because in my head i'm just like. this is a whole other world!!! which is technically true, but y'know

lemnis is just like me fr & im saying this for the tenth time atp but he is the belovedest ever i love him so much!!!!!!!!!!!! and the pics u linked about lia's dad :( i wish they could've all lived and been happy together somehow in another life

ALSO HELP TEENAGE GODTONGUE AS ANYA i haven't watched anastasia but you've definitely convinced me to now

also im just imagining barbatos and godtongue having tiny tea parties :DDDD they're besties (real) who else does she get along with in the obm cast?

i love, love, love how curious she is because it just makes for so much hilarity and learning also the ehe te nandayo bit made me cry with laughter bc i can Hear it

also im curious - do you usually write about her in like a Book Format (like. the previous ask abt this) or is it just a bunch of drabbles you kinda ended up stitching together? bc it's really cool to me how much depth there is to her and the people who have affected her life :0

[creepypocky]

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. May I please have a romantic matchup for creepypasta? Maybe a little nsfw if that’s chill. My pronouns are They/Them and I’m pansexual with a preference to masculinity. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini. Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers and murder documentaries. I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. A friend of mine even likes to call me "discount vomitboyx". I’ve also been called "doomer boy kinnie", and "Remake of Daria" before. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people. When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person. I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above. I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( My Chemical Romance, Arch Enemy, MurderDolls, Slipknot, Get Scared, sometimes Will Wood, Jazmin Bean or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally gaming on my switch or reading and talk about Greek mythology. I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive, and I suffer from asperger syndrome, depression and anxiety. I have small tics, but they only flare when I’m stressed or mad. Along with stims where I bite the inside of my cheek, pull my hair, fidget with my fingers and tap my foot. I even hiss or squeal when I’m upset. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. Now uh- kinks. I’ve always had a fantasy about rough love. I love when someone put a collar on me and ties me up. I really like being dominated over basically. Overstimulation is probably my biggest kink though. I’m really nervous about actually indulging. If you do get to this, thanks for your time. - coii

You don't bother me at all! I took a big break from writing and Tumblr but I am back now and I will get to this matchup! Thanks for requesting. :) I hope you're doing well.

|| I match you with: Jeff The Killer! ||

I feel like it's pretty obvious why I matched you with him, but I couldn't help myself, because it seems like the two of you would have so much chemistry it's crazy.

Now, Jeff CAN be pretty annoying, but if he sees that it's really bothering you he will stop. He would tease you about your height though, but he'd secretly think you're super cute and he just wants to protect you tbh. Would love to see you kick someones ass, though.

You like morbid? I'm surprised Jeff isn't the dictionary definition of morbid. He's basically your personal slasher documentary, except you're experiencing it with him in real life. You won't even need to watch any slasher movies with this man around, he gives you the experience up-front.

He would definitely take you with him to visit abandoned places, he knows a lot of places plus he uses those locations to kill dumb teenagers that wander over there to be cool. He doesn't think that of you though, he understands just finding those places cool and wanting to hang out there.

He understands feeling like you intimidate everyone, especially since he like, DOES intimidate almost everyone. Depending on his mood he can also have a hard time having conversations, but most of the time he doesn't have much of a problem with conversing, and as long as you're comfortable with it or you ask him to, he will help you have conversations too and help you get out of your shell.

If people intimidate you he will reassure you that he'll protect you from them because he doesn't want you to feel unsafe. He will also tell you who's more dangerous than others and who is more friendly than not so that you aren't completely oblivious. Despite his attitude he really cares about you. He doesn't find you rude, especially since he himself is pretty rude to people both on purpose and not on purpose. But he is very honest so if he thought you were being rude to him he would tell you.

Bruh don't worry, he also has humor that comes off as insulting and he's very sarcastic, so he wouldn't mind your sense of humor at all. He loves joking around and laughing with you more than almost anything. If he sees someone that has a problem with you he'd just tell them to fuck off because he just wants you to be yourself and if they don't like it then they can just leave. You shouldn't have to change for other people, especially if they don't want to just mind their business instead of having a problem with who you really are.

He loves animals too! In fact, he has a dog, the infamous smile dog. Will love to introduce you to him and he is completely open minded to letting you get other animals if you want to, because he shares your love for animals all the way. Jeff likes it when you're feisty, he thinks its very fun, but he doesn't mind when you're quiet because he also has quiet days and he enjoys moments where he can silently just, be with you. He would encourage you to express your opinions to him more often because he loves getting to know you. He also really likes the music you're into and will recommend other bands and songs for you to listen to. He'd steal all the plushies in the world for you to see you cuddling them at night. But he would of course cuddle you at night too, he's also very touch starved since he doesn't let just anyone touch him or get near him very much if at all, but he trusts you and will let you hold onto him at night. He himself also has several mental illnesses, and he really isn't the best at giving advice or calming people down verbally, but he's still there for you physically and will let you cling onto him as much as you want if it makes you feel any better at all.

NSFW:

Jeff is a biiig dommy boy. Loveeessssss dominating. He'd definitely tie you up and just, go down on you, in away way you'd like him to. Into overstimulation? Say no more, he can do this all night, as long as it's with you. If you're nervous, he'll reassure you when he can and make sure you're comfortable before doing anything to you. He never wants to make you feel like you HAVE to do this with him if you don't want to.

I hope this was good and I hope you liked it! I enjoyed writing this a lot, and I hope you're doing well, and having a good day/night.

[cherrycheolliesc]

Let Me Hear You Say

part 46: Joshua’s Weeb Closet. (46/50)

red below 👇 (1.5k words)

“You know I can break out of this, right?” you say to Mingyu who is currently holding you down. He just scoffs knowing you can't move anywhere, but entertains you, “I know, it just makes me feel strong”

“You already strong, Gyu. Anyways where is everyone?” Seokmin asks. You look around the room only seeing half of your friends in Seungcheol’s small living room. Seungkwan and Wonwoo are sitting on the couch quietly talking. You wonder how they became friends because you've never seen them talk to each other. You assume Jeonghan and Joshua are probably somewhere making out so they don't have to deal with actually setting up the party. Seungcheol and Jihoon seem to be lecturing Chan about who knows what. Things are finally quieting down when everyone decides to watch the movie that's playing until someone bursts through the doors, “I'm here motherfuckers. The party is finally getting started”

“She drunk, isn't she,” Cheol asks as he points towards the small blonde girl in Mina’s arms. Seoyeon nods as she brings Chaeyoung to one of the rooms in the apartment. When she comes back, everyone turns towards the commotion at the front door. “You can't make me go inside. I'll bite you, you know I will” 

“Soonyoung, if you just go inside, it'll make everything so much easier,” Jun says as he continues to try and push the smaller boy in. Everyone just watches him, Minghao, and Vernon struggle to bring Soonyoung in until Cheol eventually just picks him up and holds him down, “You two are gonna talk like two grown adults or I’m firing Jihoon”

“Woah why am I getting involved in this?” Jihoon asks walking over to the rest of the group. Everyone looks confused before Chan talks, “How can you even fire him?” 

“Yea and with what job exactly,” Soonyoung says causing Cheol to roll his eyes, “Look if guys talk to each other, I'll tell you where I work” 

“One, no one cares. Two, stop lying to yourself, it's okay if you're unemployed. We won't stop loving you just because you don't have a job, Cheollie” you say which only annoys him more. Jihoon confused asks, “Why do you guys really believe he's unemployed? The dude is literally our boss.”

“ ‘Our’ boss?” Seungkwan says, “yes our boss. He's at the building all the time. How did you not know that?”

“To be honest I thought he was just going there to hook up with you, Ji,” Jeonghan says before getting a drink. “Ew, why would I hook up with Cheol? He's like my brother. That would just ruin your friendship.”

“And that is exactly why I’m not admitting my feelings for Y/n!” Soonyoung screams before trying to run away but failing as Cheol is still holding him down. You decide yelling back is the best option, “like I would ever admit my feelings for you.” 

“That’s it! Time out for you two until you can figure out your issues. Bring them to Shua’s weeb closet and don’t let them out until they're cool with each other.” Cheol says before lifting Soonyoung. Mingyu sees the message Cheol sends and brings you to Joshua’s room as well. “Hey hey, why are you taking them to my closet? What if they fuck in there?”

“Then they'll be happy again,” Vernon says with a smile on his face. Shua rolls his eyes before giving in. Eventually, you and Soonyoung are both shoved into the small closet. You try to stay as far as you can from him, putting a blowup titan in between the two of you. To ease the awkwardness after a few minutes of silence, Soonyoung asks, “You think Shua uses this thing as a sex doll?”

“If he does, I regret touching it,” you reply. The boy beside you laughs and says, “If I remember correctly, you and Joshua sleeping together for a whole two years after college, right?” 

“Yeah well, it was kinda weird. Let's just say, you aren't the only furry in our friend group.” This makes him laugh again before finding a place to sit down. You take a seat beside him as he leans his head on your shoulder, “I’m sorry, Y/n.”

“For what exactly, Soonie?” You ask back wanting a better explanation than just a small sorry. He rolls his eyes before saying, “You already know why. For being immature and not dealing with things like an adult.”

“To be honest, none of us deal with things like adults. We're just the worst. I guess I’m sorry too.” you say back to him. The two sit comfortably in silence just relaxing in each other’s company. Why did we make things so hard for no reason? you wonder. That thought quickly goes away when you remember that the two of you are friends and you never want to ruin that, but your thoughts are interrupted, “I love you, Y/n. But I mean even if it's pretty obvious, I know I'm not very good at showing it.” 

“But we're friends, Soon,” you say back before walking to the other side of the closet. You glance at his face for a second and see a bit of hurt in his eyes. Why am I still hiding how I feel? What’s the point of lying to myself and everyone else? You ask yourself before he breaks your thoughts once again, “Y/n, you say that, but then you're willing to fight with me for months because of the whole situation. Why are we just continuing to do this to each other?” 

“I don't know, Soon. I really don't know,” you reply, overwhelmed, burying your face into your hands. He walks behind you and gives one of his famous, familiar back hugs to comfort you. You relax into the hug as he softly kisses your shoulder, “it's okay, Y/n. You don't need to have an answer right now. It's not wrong to want to take everything at your own pace. I just don't want to feel like I have to constantly avoid you because like you said, you are my best friend.“

“Are you trying to say ‘the power of friendship is so strong’ that we can get through things like this?” you sarcastically say as you laugh and lean into his arms. He giggles and replies, “That's exactly what I’m saying.” The two of you once again sit in silence. You take in everything from the moment you first saw Soonyoung as a small boy eating dirt in the playground to this exact moment You wonder when everything changed, “When did you realize you loved me, Soon?” 

“There isn't an exact moment. I think just over time my love constantly grew for you. I didn't realize it at first and never really wanted to accept it because, well I'm pretty sure it's obvious why,” he responds. You feel the same way. You've always just told yourself it was because of that dance, but you know those feelings have always been there. More importantly, you know you've acted on those feelings before. “Why did you leave me after graduation? After I told you I love you?” 

“Because I was stupid and a coward. I got jealous of Joshua, but then I started to think I wasn't as good as him. I wouldn't be good enough like him. I thought I wouldn't be able to make you happy like he would, ” he says honestly. You don't understand how he could ever think he wasn't good enough. You loved everything about the kid, from his weird tiger obsession to his incredible dance skills. “Soonie, you know I never believed you weren't good enough. And to be honest, Shua wasn't the greatest boyfriend. He was an amazing friend, but there's something off about knowing your boyfriend is denying his feelings for someone else”

“I guess that's how Seoyeon felt. It was just seeing you in the arms of a model like him brought up my insecurities I guess. I thought it would be too hard to compete. So I ran away because I didn't want to deal with the feelings, ” he explains still holding you in his arms. You feel how much bigger his arms got over the years and decide to ask him another question, “When did you start working out? Not that I'm complaining, but the last time Cheol asked you to work out with him you called him a loser and told him there's no reason to work out when you have a cute face.”

“Yes, my face is adorable, but I figured I'd just work out because why not. Also, Ji paid for a year's gym membership in China by accident,” he answers while softly laughing. The two of you continue to talk about random things for the next few hours without anyone interrupting you. You hear soft snoring on the other side of the door. Soonyoung quietly opens the door to not wake the sleeping person on the other side. You walk out to see Seungcheol and Wonwoo fast asleep on each other and quickly take a photo before sneaking away. You and Soonyoung decide to leave through the window to avoid questions or stares from anyone else. For the rest of the night, the two of you wonder who knows where and finally you feel happy to be with your best friend for once.

previous / masterlist / next

↣ summary: after not seeing each other for years, Yn is ecstatic when she finds out all of her friends will finally be in the same place at one time. but unfortunately an unwanted dream turns a 12 year friendship into hateful relationship between yn and soonyoung.

↣ pairing: reader x soonyoung.

↣ genre: angst, comedy, youtube au, sm au. friends to enemies to lovers.

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a/n- tbh i don’t really know how i feel abt this chapter. but also i don’t really see myself as a good writer when it comes to like written things like this but i really want to get better because i want to open requests soon when i get the time.

[phantaloon-books]

(some) Riordanverse characters (bc I never read TKC) and which Hogwarts House I think they would be in

Warning: this is a long one

Nico: the dude is definitely Gryffindor without a doubt. Like Sorting isn't about some traits and some characteristics, it's about core personality. He may have gone through some of the roughest stuff when he was 10-12, and he was resentful and bitter, but he was brave and bold af throughout everything he did. From learning about his powers, to using them relentlessly despite knowing how exhausted he is afterwards, to his willingness to do whatever is necessary to do what has to be done, because it has to be done. You can't change my mind that he's Gryffindor lol.

Grover: Do I even need to explain why he's Gryffindor? He's a satyr, and even if we're shown strong satyrs, they're not really supposed to be brave fighters. Yet he is one of the strongest, bravest nature spirits we've ever encountered in the Riordanverse, and one of the bravest in general. Like he's so passionate about doing what is good, he's a hero, and the only thing he doesn't match with common Gryffindors is that he's humble and as far from arrogant as could be possible, but it doesn't take his courage away.

Hazel: She's Gryffindor, and core personality-wise, she and Nico are very much alike. They don't ever think about themselves, like Hazel really always does what has to be done, no matter the cost, I mean she literally died preventing Gaea to rise the first time, and she freed Thanatos while believing he would take her back to the Underworld. She's brave af, and she has one of the most strong willpower we've seen in the Riordanverse. She's a passionate hero, and she's the closest thing to a real knight in shining armor.

Lester: I'm gonna place him in Gryffindor because I don't think he fits in in the other houses lmao. That said, as Apollo he's very shitty, but as Lester, he's one of the most courageous people. He's grown so much, he's so willing to actually do stuff now, and sacrifice everything to do what's right, including his life, even if he doesn't know he's gonna survive. Hell, he really went most of TTT with an incredibly painful wound that nearly turned him undead, and he cared more for the future of Camp Jupiter than his own life. Additionally, he's a bit arrogant and cocky, but he truly means well, I love Lester so much.

Clarisse: Look look, all I have to say is that no one could have pulled off less than half the stuff Clarisse has done, she's so Gryffindor it hurts. She's reckless and impulsive, but she's driven by her passion to do good, even if she's the daughter of war, and was bullied by her own father. She's daring, she's bold and she is the hero. She's also arrogant and thinks she can solve everything by herself, something characteristic more of the canon Gryffindors in the books, rather than what the fans have shaped. In fact, she's very much like Gryffindors in the books, who are actually very rude to other houses and think they're the best. Still, at heart, she's in this house.

Alex: I'm in a huge dilemma about where to put them, but I reckon they'd fit pretty fine in Gryffindor. Not only are they daring and courageous, they're proud of who they are, but not in a too full of themselves kind of way, rather in a 'I am who I am, and if you can't accept me, fuck off' kind of way. They can get carried away rather easily though, and very arrogant, thinking they don't need anyone else, when they do in fact need some company. They are one of the kindest and at the same time most ambitious characters we've met, but they are brave beyond understanding in a very personal way, thus, Gryffindor.

Percy: I think it's fair to say he'd be Hufflepuff, because loyalty is literally his fucking fatal flaw, and he is the kindest sweetheart to all those who deserve it, he goes out of his way to help those who need help, whether that be mortals, halfbloods, gods, magical creatures or even his own enemies. He's too good for this world, and even if he's grown a bit bitter, he always looks to fight justly for what is right, and never loses faith in others. That, and the fact that he turned down immortality so that the olympians were more inclusive of minor gods, and their children were treated better. He's just a lovely soul, he's like 80% Hufflepuff so that's enough for me. All that and he's stubborn as hell.

Jason: Hufflepuff. Just, undoubtedly Hufflepuff. Like he seems to be this cold and self centered hero with a superiority complex (bc of all the son of Jupiter stuff) but he's the softest guy there is. Not only is he hardworking, open minded and kind, he appreciates justice but he doesn't seek for revenge or anything, he makes sure people are treated fairly and wants everyone to be accepted. Proof of that is how he continued Percy's job of including more gods, and made sure Nico felt comfortable with who he was. He truly has a heart of gold. (He deserved better btw)

Meg: God I can't decide between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor, but I think I'll go with the former. She's so strong, my baby, she's faced so much wrong, but she's still so kind and understanding of others, especially those who deserve kindness. She puts up such a hard facade, but she's so patient and warm and inclusive. She's brave and strong (as strong as the big three kids, if not stronger), but she's also so loyal to her beliefs despite how she was forced someone else's beliefs for years, so I'll keep her in Hufflepuff. Also, she's stubborn af, and she can be lazy, so that settles it.

Will: I KNOW some people will say Will could be in other houses that are not Hufflepuff, BUT I won't have it any other way. Will is literally the warmest person ever. He is kind and sympathetic and enthusiastic and patient and inclusive. Like Helga Hufflepuff would take one look at him and lose her shit screaming "mine". He's the guy who saw the son of Hades so many people were scared of and immediately grabbed his hand and transfered him some warmth and didn't let him go ahead and get himself killed. He's also the one who everyone loves and likes, so much that Clarisse gets along with him and he can calm her down. He's the ideal Hufflepuff, you can't change my mind.

Magnus: I mean, what else can you expect from the son of the god of summer? He's literally a guy who heals others with warmth. He's also the guy who spent years on the street with the most difficult situations, and accepts every single person the way they are. He's inclusive af, and tolerant of everything. He's the guy who's closest include a deaf elf, a Muslim valkyrie, and a black dwarf, and he's dating a genderfluid person. Yes he's brave, and he's kinda smart, and he's ambitious, BUT none of those qualities overpower his Hufflepuff nature.

Piper: Kinda debated whether Gryffindor or Ravenclaw fits more, but in the end I went with Ravenclaw. Even though she isn't a fighter, she's very very brave, yet her bravery isn't compared to her wits. Like others in the PJOverse, she wins her fights by outsmarting her opponents, but unlike others that's one of her strongest traits. She's witty and creative and a little on the negative side, she really struggled to work in a group rather than by herself. On another note, she's able to keep calm in crazy situations and come up with the craziest most unthinkable solutions (I'm talking borderline ridiculous) that always somehow work. She's not booksmart, but she knows so much about everything, and she's lifesmart you know?

Reyna: Why are some of these so hard? Deeply debating whether she'd be Ravenclaw or Slytherin. In the end I'd go more for Ravenclaw though. Reyna's smart as hell, she's strong and sharp, and she always sees the best way out of a situation. She's witty and observant, being able to keep her cool in battle and lead others in the best direction. She's always looking to grow, and she prefers to do things on her own, but she's a great leader. She has some Slytherin qualities, and she's not learning as learning oriented as others, but she's definitely Ravenclaw.

Sam: Let's face it, Sam has the only active neurons in all of MCGA, she's definitely Ravenclaw. I'm gonna be honest though, I've only read MCGA once, so I can't remember much of their personalities, but Sam is witty and clever, pretty much the only one who can come up with competent plans, while the others rely mostly on luck and whatever plan they can cook up in 5 seconds. She's loyal and true to who she is, and she's extremely courageous and proud of who she is, but her sharpness is what she stands out for me, which is why I put her in Ravenclaw.

Annabeth: I know the obvious option is Ravenclaw, but I genuinely think she's also Slytherin. Yes she is booksmart and wise like Ravenclaw, but her personality matches Slytherins' ambitious, cunning and resourceful nature. She's smart as fuck, but she's calculative, she always finds a way to end up winning, and while she does so by outsmarting her opponents, she wouldn't need to outsmart them if she weren't so competitive. I feel like there's this 40/60 odds on Slytherin rather than Ravenclaw, but it's that small difference that counts. Plus her leadership skills are so powerful that people don't ask, they just know she's the boss.

(Also just picture the sweet and loyal Hufflepuff boy with the strong and cunning Slytherin girl, like it should be as opposite as it is with Poseidon and Athena, but they're so cute)

Leo: Idk what you can expect that's not Slytherin. This boy is the embodiment of ambition and determination. Reminder that not all Slytherins are bad btw (I'm slytherin myself), but like he's life smart and cunning, and he can analyze situations faster than anyone else. He's charismatic and talented, and there's no one to stop him from triumphing. I don't have much to say, I just know he'd be in Slytherin.

Rachel: She's kinda a difficult one, and I struggle between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and tbh I'm still not sure. But I think I'd place her in Slytherin, because even if she's brave af (especially since she was a mortal fighting in a war out of her power), her main trait is her determination. When she's set on something, she gets it done. You can't tell her she can't do something, because she will find a way to do it. She's kind, and she's only a mortal, but she still has incredible power unlike any other. I don't think I can really name it, but I think she'd be put on Slytherin with much difficulty from the Sorting Hat.

Luke: Where else could Luke possibly go? On the meaner side Slytherins have created themselves, Luke would be part of those misled by who preceded them, by those who want to take advantage of their mistreatment (bc let's face it, Slytherins are mistreated by both students and Hogwarts staff), and turn them cold and bitter. Luke is ambitious and manipulative, being manipulated himself, and it comes easily because of his natural charisma and talent. He's very freaking determined and cunning too. He'd fit right into Slytherin, but he'd be viewed as one of the rotten lot.

Thalia: I don't have much to say about this, but Thalia is the girl whose fatal flaw is their desire for power (or smth along those lines), just like most Slytherins. She's ambitious, she's smart, she's truly talented, she stands out between the rest, and she knows it, and she actually kinda likes it.

(Also I put Annabeth, Thalia and Luke in the same house because they're all kinda similar, even if their beliefs and postures are different.

Frank: Ngl I'm having more difficulty with Frank than anyone else. I'm kinda torn between Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I literally can't choose. He'd fit perfectly in any of them lmao, I just can't decide where he'd go. You decide this one yourself.

Please keep in mind, this is my personal opinion and my take on the characters, and not all of you will agree, and that's fine! You can let me know what you think (kindly please, don't come at me), and if you want to, send me an ask on a character you want me to do the same as these (as long as it's not TKC, I'M SORRY I haven't read those) go ahead, don't be shy!

[belphegorbillickin]

Honestly, I love Mammon but I'm sick of his sweetness. I see him EVERYWHERE, and it's like the others don't exist. I like it when characters lose their calm you know? Esp that time when we reject Satan's pact, I really liked how he got worked up over such a thing lmao. And of course, most of the ones who tried killing mc had stupid reasons, except for Lucifer imo, but since when did demons make sense?

Alright, sure, they can still be sweet, but imagine if they ACTUALLY were dark characters. Corrupting human souls, selfish desires, blah blah. I'm not saying they can't love mc, ofc they can be sweet and lovable, but that doesn't mean they'd lose their normal habits and quirks. You cannot differentiate between them and normal humans now. The traits that would portray them as demons isn't there.

And perhaps yes, routes would've been fun. Right/wrong answers? Seems legit lmao. But like you said, the characters could've been done so much better.

I liked them at the start, now that I think of it asmo was never really what he seemed to be at the start, but in the recent events to me, at least, he's all but that. Diavolo, Barbatos, they have potential to be dark characters lmao. Asmo too, esp abt Helene, he sure was manipulative. Seeing Satan just be about cats/books upsets me bcuz he's one of my favs, and like you said, I feel he could've been a MUCH better character, plus idk he seems like he could be dark too. Other than beel & mammon, and I really don't know about belphie since he's become pretty sweet now, I feel everyone else could be written as characters with darker, more fitting demon personalities.

Though I love how we can go on about one topic for ages lmao. Lmk if my rambles become too annoying lol – 🍹

Don't worry about it, I really enjoy talking about it and I'm the queen of rambling lol. It's actually kinda hard for me to be concise when it comes to things like this.

And yes! Satan's reaction to rejection was exactly what I was thinking about when I mentioned that. I don't doubt most of the others would've reacted the same either tbh, but the difference between his reason for wanting to kill MC and his brothers' felt very different imo.

I'm kinda repeating myself, but I think people really overlook how cold Asmo was regarding getting MC killed. In that sense I can see how they get along with each other so well. I think I huge part of that is people coming in knowing that they're all gonna love MC and MC can't die so they don't even think about threats or subtle manipulation, but he's one of the most malicious imo since it was so cool-headed and planned.

Kind of like the theories about Barbatos and/or Diavolo purposefully sending you to a traumatic death because executing Belphie would cause the brothers to revolt. (Which I believe to extent btw.) Those four stand out as a lot more demonic imo because they can't be called crimes of passion. I miss the days where they both just casually admitted to taking part in a torture dungeon.

Personally I love the idea of unavoidable demonic corruption. Like the "tragic lovers suffering from fate" trope but where the demon isn't just an innocent victim that can't control it at all and MC doesn't just take it happily without consequences.

I'm not against MC suffering the consequences of a demon boyfriend, far from it, but even if you don't go the direct route there's so many ways to do it.

Even just slowly losing your morals because all the demons (and old-ass human with some most likely odd moral quirks, if only from being alive so long in horrible times) around you treat horrible things as something as mundane as breathing. Even if they snap back at least acknowledging it is a huge step up.

I'd be terrified and paranoid 24/7 knowing everyone around me wants to literally eat me and has eaten humans before. Even if they hated the taste or something knowing they're capable of it is scary af.

Like a Beelzebub who truly doesn't mean to hurt MC but doesn't think twice about breaking their beloved pet's bones right in front of them. A Beelzebub that finds it just as hard to avoid eating humans as he did in the intro even when he knows he shouldn't harm MC's family.

Or even just a Beelzebub so wracked by guilt and light on morals that can't bring himself to not always enthusiastically take Belphie's side even when he knows it's hurting MC. A kind of parasitic relationship where Beel guilts MC into staying and helps Belphie trap & manipulate them in ways Belphie could never do by himself.

A Leviathan that finds it increasingly hard to keep his jealously inwards now that he has someone to fight for and can't feel secure unless he can feel their envy. A Belphegor that slowly manipulates MC into abandoning all of their responsibilities and friends until their life is ruined and they have to depend on him.

I get that some of them are a bit harder to do without reminding people of irl abuse they may have faced, namely Satan, Levi, Lucifer, and ofc Asmo, but there are ways to make it more supernatural and less mundane. Besides there are way, way worse otomes out there that don't even market themselves as dark like Obey Me did.

I find it interesting that so much of the fanbase absolutely hates those kind of themes when they're so hard to avoid in otome and it was kind marketed towards people who like it. Like I genuinely wonder how they heard about it and got through demons insulting & trying to kill them in the early days of Obey Me before you knew they got better.

In the end though none of that can really happen without routes imo. Those kind of storylines can't be done well in the 10 seconds of individual interaction we get, even a whole lesson is too little time. And again even people who like darker things might freak out when Asmo's the one doing it or get turned off by Levi so they won't risk their money. It's so frustrating seeing the lost potential and knowing it's probably never gonna happen.

Speaking of I always thought Mammon was pretty robbed too. Not only did he never have the same freedom to harm MC as the others, but he was also directly responsible for their safety. Like sure they'd all be punished, but you have a different mindset when an authority figure constantly makes you aware and you have more chances to bond.

I think even cannon Mammon would've been more dangerous and a lot more rude if he wasn't their babysitter. The others, except Satan & Belphie ofc, probably would've been "nicer" and more controlled knowing Lucifer was breathing down their neck too imo.

Like he does seem less violent and hot-headed than the others, but they're not the same circumstances. Even a while after the pact he'd probably sell MC in an instant if he knew he wasn't going to be severely punished.

A lot of his possessiveness feels like a dog guarding a bone rather than true jealously imo, even when they're doing it as endearing thing. People automatically assuming he was lying when he said he'd rather MC die than be saved by someone else, but was he really at that point? Just because someone is tsundere at times doesn't mean they're incapable of being honest or not that into someone.

That's also kinda what I meant by infatuation too. Like sure they could like a human, but that doesn't mean they'll be that upset when they die or will never get bored. It's kind of like those people that immediately get a new pet after theirs dies, or even before so they don't have to be without a dog for a single second. Or the kind of demon that wants to "ruin" you with their sin until you can't go on as the ultimate act of love, even though they know it'll kill you.