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pandenewie · 1 year

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GAMEBOY

SYNOPSIS:

Heeseung visits the same Gamestop every Tuesday and Thursday after his afternoon lecture. Not only because of the hidden gems he finds in the two for one sales bin, but also because of the insanely cute worker who just picked up that shift…

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!oc

GENRE: nonidol!au, college!au, slow burn, strangers to ???, fluff, angst (light)

WORD COUNT: 6.9k

AN: This is a special chapter for my Sunghoon smau “Diary of a Homewrecker” which you can read here :) You don’t need to read the smau to understand this fic. Can be read as x reader if you want, just change the name to y/n :)

Read part 2 here :))

Everyone who knows Lee Heeseung knows that he’s not the most… romantic of people. Not to say he doesn’t try - the amount of rom coms in his Netflix “Watch again” section could put your average 15 year old girl to shame. But despite the amount of “research” he’s done, all Heeseung’s relationships tend to end before they even begin. Maybe some people just aren’t cut out for romance. And some people just don’t know when to quit…

“I know you think I’m crazy but I promise you, we were flirting.” Heeseung repeats, for probably the 5th time since he got in the car. After years of friendship with the older boy, Jay knows it’s best to just hum and nod in agreement whenever Heeseung get’s like this. Heeseung is a handsome dude. So honestly, the chance of some random girl at their college campus flirting with him is quite large. But is it worth making this much of a fuss about it? Absolutely not.

This is how it always goes with Heeseung. He’ll show interest in someone, talk about them non-stop for a few days, go on a date or two if he’s lucky, before the whole thing ends within about a week. It’s a pattern the boys have become very familiar with - so much that there’s a shared schedule between the other 6 friends for who’s on “Heartbroken Heeseung Duty”.

Jay knows this won’t end any differently from the other times Heeseung has found “the one”. Hell, the whole world probably knows at this point. But with Heeseung being such a hopeless romantic and the glimmer of hope in his eyes as he recounts the story once again, Jay doesn’t have the heart to tell him.

It’s not creepy. At least that’s what Heeseung tries to tell himself, as he walks through the sliding doors of the all-too-familiar Gamestop. He’s certainly no stranger to this place - the cream coloured brick and vibrant “For Sale” signs giving a sense of familiarity. Hell, this place is like a second home at this point. So why does Heeseung feel so anxious today?

Well for starters, it’s Friday. Which marks this momentous occasion as his third Gamestop trip this week. Although many would argue that Heeseung has a gaming addiction, three trips in one week is definitely a first.

Despite Heeseung’s life being what many would call a mess, he has very few routines that he absolutely swears by. Visit Gamestop on Tuesday after his lecture, pick out the games he wants to buy, and hide them at the very bottom of the sales bin. Then, once he gets paid Wednesday night, he’ll come back on Thursday to buy the games. That’s the way it’s been since he started university and it’s something he never planned on changing. That was until he saw her.

Now Heeseung never really paid much attention to the workers at Gamestop. They were usually socially awkward teens just trying to make a few bucks and therefore never stood out to him. Until this week…

As soon as the familiar beep of the sliding doors rings through the air, Heeseung makes a b-line for the sales bin at the back of the store. The shop is as quiet as it normally is at 2pm on a Tuesday, leaving Heeseung to comfortably browse before having to pick Ni-ki up from school at 3.

Just as he is deciding between two games, he feels a presence come up behind him - making him internally groan at the thought of communication with another person. But a sudden cherry voice breaks through his sour mood, causing his ears to prick up at the melodic sound.

“Hi! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Heeseung turns around to find himself face to face with one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen. With big sparkling eyes and a grin that seems to light up the room - honest to god, if she weren’t standing right before his very eyes, he’d assume she wasn’t real. But as her head tilts in slight confusion - the bright smile not leaving her face, he releases that she is in fact real and he is in fact staring.

Clearing his throat nervously, Heeseung looks away from the girl - suddenly finding some co-op game on the shelf incredibly interesting. “J-just looking, thanks.” He manages to let out, mentally cursing himself for the stutter and waver in his voice.

The girl's smile seems to grow even more, if that’s even possible. Her eyes crinkle as she gently bows to Heeseung. “Ok, if you need anything don’t be afraid to ask. I’ll just be at the front desk.” She says before retreating to her former position.

Heeseung lets out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding as he watches her walk away. That had to be one of the most awkward interactions he’d had in a while. And yet, he’d do almost anything to experience it again. Because no amount of awkwardness could override the pure warmth he felt in the presence of the strange girl.

So here he stands on a Friday afternoon, mindlessly flicking through the games he has no intention of buying as his gaze focuses once again on the girl at the counter. Part of him is just happy to see her face. The way her eyes light up when a customer purchases a game she’s particularly interested in. The way she laughs and jokes around with her coworkers when the store’s a little quiet. But another part of him wishes it was him. That he’s the one she enthuses over games with. He’s the one making her laugh as if he’s just told the best joke of the decade. For now though, he’s more than happy just to watch.

It’s not creepy.

“It is kinda creepy hyung.” Ni-ki mumbles from his position on the couch. Although his focus appears to be on the game he is currently playing, he couldn’t help but listen intently as Heeseung retold the events of his Gamestop trip.

“Hey! I’m not creepy!” Heeseung exclaims in offence, causing his younger friend to roll his eyes. “I never said you were creepy, just that your actions are.” Ni-ki states matter-of-factly. “Because you’d be so much better.” Heeseung bites back, ripping the controller out of his friend’s hand when the flashing “You Died” comes across the screen. Ni-ki scowls at his hyung as he lays back into the couch. “At least I can talk to girls.” He mumbles, thankful that his friend doesn’t hear the words.

A few weeks pass until Heeseung see’s who his friends have affectionately dubbed “Gamestop Girl” again. Not once in those weeks did she leave his mind; a pang of disappointment hitting his chest each time he entered the store, only to find some pimply high schooler instead. But boy, were those weeks of disappointment worth it for the image in front of him.

Heeseung didn’t think that she could get any brighter - any more perfect. Her warm and cheerful smile was now matched with the golden glow of her skin, indicating a possible vacation (which would explain her weeks of absence). Her hair, slightly longer than before though not enough for the regular person to notice. Heeseung noticed. To put it simply, she was absolutely breathtaking.

“Sale bin guy!”

The sudden exclamation breaks Heeseung out of his thoughts as he looks around the room for the origin of the sound. As his eyes land back on the girl, he sees her already looking at him with her familiar smile. That’s when it dawns on him that he is in fact “Sale Bin Guy”.

“Uh.. what?” Heeseung stutters out as she makes her way towards him. “You always come for the sale bin, right? There’s some nice hidden gems in there - I was actually just on my way to restock it.” She rambles on, walking to the back of the store where the bin is located. Heeseung’s feet seem to move on their own as he follows her to the back of the store.

“So, are you looking for anything particular today?” She asks as she begins filling the sale bin with all sorts of games. “I was kinda hoping you’d have Halo - one of my friend’s has been begging me to play.” He says, taking note of each game as she puts them in the bin. “We have Halo, not on sale though. It’s super popular so it’s usually full price unfortunately.” She says, sending him a quick sympathetic smile. Heeseung immediately decides he doesn’t like this smile as much.

“That’s why I haven’t got it yet, it doesn't really fit my broke college student aesthetic.” He jokes, feeling a sense of pride when she giggles a little. “Maybe if you weren’t buying the sale games every week you could save up for Halo.” She says, causing Heeseung to laugh sheepishly. “I’ve got a feral teenager at home who goes through games like he’s getting paid so… I’ll stick to the sale bin for now.” Heeseung says. Although it isn’t a joke, the girl laughs anyway and that sense of pride shoots through Heeseung once again.

The pair continue to make small talk as Heeseung looks through the games and he only suddenly realises that she’s wearing a nametag. Whilst trying to be as subtle as possible, he glances down at the tag and smiles as he reads the name - Ari.

“Ari, huh?” Jay asks, not even remotely enthusiastic to be talking about his friend’s love life. This one has lasted much longer than the others, he’ll give him that. But it’s not like this has actually gone anyway either.

“Isn’t it just perfect?” Heeseung sighs, his lovestruck tone making Jay want to vomit. “And how many times have you spoken to her?” He asks, causing Heeseung to blush with embarrassment. “Well… technically twice. If you count the first one.” He mumbles, making Jay snicker. “And you’re already head over heels for her? That’s weird, even for you.” Jay says, making Heeseung roll his eyes.

“Didn’t you tell your ex that you loved them after like, 2 days?” Heeseung asks. Now it’s Jay’s turn to roll his eyes - his past relationship often being brought up in an attempt to prove a point. “At least I was dating them! What do you even know about this girl aside from where she works?” Jay asks, going back on topic.

Heeseung stays silent as the realisation hits that he, in fact, knows nothing about Ari. Well that certainly needs to change.

“Can you request some games?” Heeseung asks, practically interrupting Ari as she went to greet him. She looks at him a little in shock before breaking out into her all familiar smile. “Well nice to see you too, what sort of thing are you after?” She asks. “Anything? I just got a Nintendo Switch and all I have is Super Smash Bros and this one about a cup.” Heeseung says, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “Cuphead? Yeah that one can be kinda weird for new players.” Ari giggles slightly before taking Heeseung towards the switch games.

“Well, I’m certainly the girl you’re looking for; me and my switch are basically attached at the hip.” Ari jokes as she looks at the games they have lining the shelves. “You said you already have Smash Bros which would be one of my go-tos. Another would probably be Animal Crossing which you’ve no doubt heard of?” Ari asks, turning back to see Heeseung nod enthusiastically. “Yeah, so that’s super fun if you’re into more chill games. I personally find it very therapeutic but I can also spend all day playing it so you’ve gotta be careful.”

“Then there’s super well known games like Legends of Zelda, Sonic, and other Mario games. They’re the typical ones that you would get in a beginner switch pack. Zelda’s probably my favourite out of those ones but the others are good too.”

“There’s also a whole punch of Pokemon games. I’m probably not the best to recommend those since I know nothing about Pokemon aside from the fact that they’re cute. But I’ve heard they’re good so if you’re into that it’s worth a try.”

Heeseung honestly feels like he should be taking notes with the amount of information Ari is spitting at him. It’s very clear that she rambles when she gets excited, which Heeseung can’t help but smile at.

“So… see any you like?” Ari asks, beaming up at him as her rant comes to an end. “Uh… I’ll be honest I kinda blanked out. You’re just like… really cute.” Heeseung admits, mumbling the last part. If Ari heard it, she certainly acts like she didn’t as she playfully rolls her eyes at him. “How about you start with Animal Crossing and Zelda? Those are my favourites.” She suggests. “Plus, they’re on sale right now, so perfect for a broke college student.” She adds, a slight teasing tone in her voice. Heeseung just nods in agreement as he follows her up to the counter.

“I’m Heeseung by the way.” Heeseung suddenly says as she’s checking out his items. He’s not sure why he tells her his name - maybe it’s just an excuse to keep talking? “Nice to meet you Heeseung, I’m Ari but you probably already know that.” She says smiling. “Yeah… it’s a really beautiful name.” He says without thinking, causing her smile to widen as she thanks him.

“I’ll tell you what, Heeseung.” Ari says, grabbing a pen as his receipt starts to print out. Once printed, she flips over to the blank side and starts writing something down. “That’s my Nintendo ID and Discord. Animal Crossing can be multiplayer, so once you’ve established your island a little… I’d love to have a look.” She says.

“I can’t believe you’re ditching us to play Animal Crossing with some chick.” Jake grumbles as he pushes his way into Heeseung’s apartment. Sunghoon quickly follows suit, sending Heeseung a disapproving look before sitting on the couch. “I literally see you guys all the time and I don’t know when I’ll get to play with her again. Don’t act like you guys wouldn’t do the exact same thing.” Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Jake wouldn’t know, he’s never had a girlfriend.” Sunghoon teases, causing Jake to shove his shoulder. “Says the guy who can’t even talk to his crush!” A mini fight breaks out between the boys, causing Heeseung to rub his temples in frustration.

“What are you guys even doing here? I text the groupchat this morning that I couldn’t come.” Heeseung says. “They’re here for me. Not everything’s about you, hyung.” Niki pokes his tongue at the oldest friend, causing Heeseung to roll his eyes yet again. “You’re right. How silly of me to think people came to my house to see me.” Heeseung says sarcastically. “Feel free to leave him wherever you’re going. It’d be nice to have my couch back.” Heeseung continues, picking up the pillow Niki sleeps with and throwing it at his youngest friend.

Once the guys have left the house, Heeseung lets out a sigh of relief at the sudden silence. The short amount of chaos from his friends managed to distract him from how nervous he is. He quickly glances at the clock on the wall - 5:50. 10 minutes until Ari’s shift finishes. 10 minutes until he’ll be showing her his progress in Animal Crossing.

Realistically, there’s nothing to be nervous about. He won’t be able to see her face so he can’t get distracted by her beautiful features. Plus he has the game to focus on and hopefully stop him from saying anything stupid. Everything will be fine.

“Heeseung! Can you hear me?” Ari’s cheery voice blasts through his headphones, sending a spark of energy right to Heeseung’s heart. Ok, maybe everything won’t be fine. “I uh… yeah.” Heeseung manages, clearing his throat. “Ok cool. I’m just loading into your island. Where do you want to meet me?” She asks. “Um… I have a cherry blossom tree at the front of my island. I’ll wait there.” Heeseung says, smiling to himself as Ari goes on a mini rant about how cute the cherry blossoms are in the game.

As the two of them continue to explore Heeseung’s island, Ari seems to carry the conversation. She’s letting out praises for how well he’s done despite not playing that long, talking about her favourite parts of the island, and cracking jokes about certain villagers. Heeseung finds himself happily content with just listening to her, responding with hums of agreement and the occasional sentence when asked a question.

“Sorry, I know I talk a lot. You can tell me to shut up if I’m too annoying.” Ari jokes, causing Heeseung’s face to fall. Although she played it off as a joke, part of him thinks that she’s being serious. “Don’t apologize. I like listening to you talk. Especially since I suck at it.” Heeseung reassures. He hopes she knows he means it. The thought of someone like her thinking she’s annoying is just wrong.

“Ok. But I want you to talk too.” Ari says. “What should I talk about?” Heeseung asks, his nerves coming back now that he’s been put on the spot. “I just rambled about my childhood dog for 5 minutes cause a villager reminded me of him. You can talk about anything.” Ari assures.

So Heeseung rambles on about anything that comes to mind. University, work, his friends being stupid, even that one time he had to break into his own house because he accidentally threw his keys in the trash. The game became long forgotten as the two get caught up in learning more about each other.

Heeseung doesn’t even notice the time, until he hears the front door of his apartment open. Ni-ki soon walks into Heeseung’s room, eyes widening when he sees that he’s still talking to that girl.

“Oh? It’s my roommate.” Heeseung says into his mic, attempting to shoo Ni-ki out of his room. Dodging Heeseung’s waving arm, Ni-ki pulls the headphones off his head, yelling a quick hello into the mic before Heeseung fights him off. “Get out you rat.” Heeseung whisper-yells, adjusting the headphones so they’re back in their original position. The sound of Ari’s laughter quickly fills his eardrums, causing a dopey smile to spread across his face. “Simp.” Ni-ki scoffs before leaving to find something to eat.

“I’m guessing that’s the feral teenager?” Ari asks, causing Heeseung to sigh. “Yeah… he can be a lot. I guess I love him though.” Heeseung says, checking the time to see that it is in fact quite late. “I should probably go eat something. And make sure he doesn’t burn down my apartment.” Heeseung sighs, not wanting to stop talking but equally not wanting to starve. Or find himself homeless. “I should probably go too. I’ve got an early class tomorrow.” Ari agrees. “I had a lot of fun tonight. We should do this again.” She continues, causing Heeseung to agree a little too quickly. “Ok well, go feed your feral teenager. I’ll talk to you later Heeseung.” Ari says, disconnecting the call after Heeseung lets out a small “goodbye”

Playing together soon becomes a natural thing for Heeseung and Ari. It started with her visiting his Animal Crossing island without him knowing - leaving small presents for him to find later. That led to a game of hide and seek on each other’s islands, where they would call and time each other to see how quickly they could find each other’s presents. Now, fast forward a few weeks and the two have just started a minecraft server - which Ari affectionately named “Gamestop Besties”.

Besties. Heeseung hates that word. He’d call Jay and Ni-ki his besties. He’d call Sunghoon and Jake his besties. Heck, he’d even call his mum his bestie if she didn’t smack him for it. But the thought of him and Ari being besties honestly terrifies him. Because part of him thinks that’s all they’ll ever be. Besties.

“What the fuck?” Heeseung exclaims, his eyes furrowing in confusion as his character walks back to what once was his and Ari’s beautifully built Minecraft house. He says was because half the house is now missing, with a large hole in the wall. “Creeper.” Ari admits. “I forgot they existed.” She continues. “How do you forget about Creepers?” Heeseung laughs. “Well I didn’t have to deal with them until someone killed my cat.” Ari states.

A moment of silence falls between the two before Heeseung sighs. “I’ll get you a new cat.” He says, walking off to try and find a village. “I’ll start rebuilding the house… and make you a new bed.” Ari mumbles the last part, causing Heeseung to gasp. “You blew up my bed?!?”

It’s been almost a week since Ari and Heeseung last played Minecraft together. Now, for most people that’s not considered a long amount of time. But for people who have been playing together nearly everyday, it’s a big deal. She hasn’t been responding to messages either, which has Heeseung especially worried.

Heeseung gets woken from his sleep by a discord notification. For a second, he considers ignoring it and going back to sleep. That’s until he remembers that he only has notifications on for Ari’s messages.

Heeseung practically jumps out of bed, quickly shoving on the glasses he hates wearing before sitting down at his computer. His eyes take a bit of time to adjust to the bright light before he is able to read the messages:

Aristocat: Hey sorry for not replying. Just had some personal stuff going on ://

Heebeejeebee: u okay?

Aristocat: Uh?? I think?? Idk my boyfriend and I broke up lol

Aristocat: But I’m allgoods now

Heeseung’s eyes widen at the message. She had a boyfriend this whole time? Why didn’t she think to tell him? He can’t help but feel like an idiot for not knowing.

Heebeejeebee: Oh. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend?

Aristocat: Yeah haha I didn’t talk about him

Aristocat: Was gonna wait until we weren’t having problems

Aristocat: But it doesn’t matter now ig

Heebeejeebee: How are you feeling?

Aristocat: Sad lol

Aristocat: I can’t sleep

Aristocat: Can we play minecraft?

Heebeejeebee: Yeah just one sec

Ari fell asleep at her computer not long after loading into their shared world. Partially due to the fact that it was well past midnight. But Heeseung likes to think that it’s because the sound of his voice - spoken in soft whispers as to not wake up Ni-ki, was able to lull her to sleep. The quiet “thank you” she let out before drifting off to dream land certainly made it seem like it.

Nothing gets one's mind off falling in love with a friend quite like alcohol does. As Heeseung downs his sixth shot of night and asks Ni-ki to grab him yet another beer, his friends start to think that something’s up.

“I’m a pussy.” Heeseung groans, setting his empty shot glass down on the table. “No arguments there.” Sunghoon chimes in, earning him a few glares from their other friends. “What? He’s getting all mopey over something that hasn’t even happened. Sounds like bitchless behaviour to me.” Sunghoon argues, the pink flush to his cheeks showing he’s not far off from Heeseung’s drunkenness.

“Maybe you should have some water hyung.” Jungwon suggests, attempting to get Heeseung out of his chair. “You don’t think I’m bitchless, do you Wonie?” Heeseung asks, grabbing the younger boy’s hand and looking deeply into his eyes. Almost pleading with him. “Uh.. well you are single so… technically?” Jungwon grimaces at the sound of Heeseung’s head banging against the table, a loud whine escaping his lips. He soon goes on a rant about how much of a loser he is, Jungwon rubbing his back sympathetically as he looks to his older friends for help.

None of them knows what to do. Heeseung’s dramatic sometimes, sure. And he’s certainly known to get a bit over the top when he’s drinking, but he’s never been like this. Sure, they know he’s crushing on Gamestop Girl. But this is the first time he’s gotten so worked up over someone. It leaves them thinking that his feelings for Ari are a lot stronger than he’s letting on.

Fun fact, Heeseung is a sloppy drunk. This is evident in the way that he can barely stand up by himself, needing both Ni-ki and Ari to carry him out of Jay’s apartment. “My car’s just across the street.” Ari says, pointing at one of the few cars parked at this time of night.

When she first got the call from Heeseung that night, she was excited. But as he started to mumble incoherent words through the line, she quickly realised that he was drunk. The phone was soon taken over by his roommate Ni-ki - who quickly explained the situation. So here she is, driving home her drunk friend and his teenage roommate at 2 in the morning.

“Sorry again Noona. Jay was gonna give us a ride but he got tricked into doing shots with Jake.” Ni-ki apologises, causing Ari to wave him off nonchalantly, smiling gently at the younger boy. “It’s fine. I wasn’t doing anything important. Besides, at least this way I know he’s getting home safe.” Ari states, readjusting her grip around Heeseung’s torso to stop him from falling.

Once Heeseung is safely in the backseat, Ni-ki gives directions to their apartment. Ari finds herself looking through the rearview mirror at Heeseung’s sleeping figure throughout the drive. He was still awake and functioning when he called her, so the fact that he managed to drink enough to pass out since then is worrying.

By the time they’ve made it to the apartment, Heeseung has woken up a little. Although his eyes are still closed - he is at least responding to his name now, humming lowly and nodding his head whenever the word falls from someone’s lips.

The two carefully carry Heeseung up the stairs to his apartment, laying him down in his room. Ni-ki leaves to get his hyung some water, leaving Ari sitting at the foot of Heeseung’s bed. She gently wipes away the hair that has stuck to his forehead and tugs his shirt down that had ridden up, revealing some of his stomach.

“Heeseung?” Ari asks, causing the boy to hum at the sound of her voice - a dopey smile adorning his lips. “Ni-ki’s getting you some water. Can you sit up?” She asks, lacing her fingers through his and attempting to pull him into a sitting position. Heeseung allows her to move him around, dropping his head onto her shoulder with a thud.

“Be careful.” Ari softly scolds, bringing her hand to gently rub the part of his head he hit on her shoulder. The two find themselves in comfortable silence as they wait for Ni-ki to return.

“Ari?” Heeseung asks quietly, his words muffled slightly as he presses his face further into her neck. “Did you do this kinda stuff with your boyfriend?” He continues. Her fingers halt their movement at the sudden question, causing Heeseung to whine and press his head further into her hand.

Ari’s not sure what to answer. Does he mean look after him when he’s drunk? Is it the fact that she’s caressing his head? Heeseung sighs at her silence, mumbling a quiet nevermind before completely pulling away to lay down on the bed. Ari watches him for a moment, confusion written all over her features as she processes what just happened. Part of her knows exactly what he meant, after all, Heeseung isn’t the most subtle person in the world. She immediately shoves that thought down though, not emotionally ready to unpack it just yet.

Finally, Ni-ki returns with the water and gives Ari the greenlight to go home. Part of her wants to stay and make sure Heeseung’s okay, but she finds herself walking out of the apartment before she can even think of an excuse not to.

“Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed.” Heeseung exclaims, resting his head on the table in the kitchen. He can remember everything from the night before, and he’s not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse. Ni-ki pats his friend’s back sympathetically but offers no further help to the situation.

“Do I text her and apologise? Or do I wait for her to bring it up? What if she doesn’t remember and bringing it up only makes things worse? Wait, she was sober so of course she remembers!” Heeseung throws his head back in frustration, letting out a loud groan. “I am never getting out of the friendzone.” He whines, causing Ni-ki to roll his eyes. “You’re hopeless, hyung.” Ni-ki sighs before returning to the game he’s playing on his phone.

Trying to pretend everything is normal proves to be a difficult task. Heeseung remembers very clearly what he said to Ari the night he got drunk. He knows the implications behind his words and part of him wonders if Ari knows too.

She’s been normal, for the most part. Her voice, just as cheery when the two play games. Her smile, just as bright when they facetime late into the night. Everything seems fine on her end, and Heeseung can’t help but feel that maybe he’s the problem.

“Are you still awake?” Ari’s voice sounds through his phone speakers, snapping Heeseung out of his thoughts. “Yeah… I didn’t think you were.” Heeseung admits, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He grabs his phone from where it’s resting on his nightstand, holding it so she can see his face more clearly. “Can’t sleep.” Ari admits; a small smile on her lips when Heeseung’s face comes into focus. “I feel restless.” She adds, slightly laughing in disbelief.

You’d think after a day of uni, a five hour shift and multiple hours spent gaming, she’d have run out of energy by now. But here she lays at an unspeakable hour in the morning, not an ounce of tiredness in her body.

“Restless?” Heeseung asks, intrigued. “Yeah… like I need to get out of the house or something.” Ari sighs, running her hands through her hair. A moment of silence passes between them before Ari sighs once more.

“I think I’m gonna go for a drive. Clear my mind.” She says, picking up her phone as she goes on a hunt for her car keys. “Okay.” Heeseung says, his heart falling a bit at the thought of her hanging up.

Another moment of silence…

“Do you want to come?”

Sat in the passenger seat of Ari’s car, Heeseung feels his heart being pulled in two different directions. On one hand, he gets to spend more time with the woman he’s grown to love. He gets to bask in her presence, her scent sending his heart into a peaceful bliss. On the other hand, she isn’t as warm as normal. Her voice, not as cherry; her smile, not as bright. It’s as if someone has taken all the light from her heart. And thus, breaking Heeseung’s at the same time.

The car is fairly silent, some random radio station playing softly in the background. Neither Heeseung nor Ari make any move to start conversation - finding solace in the comfortable silence.

As the two pull into a nearly abandoned car park, Ari sits back in her chair - running her hands through her hair once more. Something she does when she’s stressed, Heeseung’s noticed.

“Is everything okay?” Heeseung asks, watching her from the passenger seat. He’s been watching her since she picked him up, her movements, mannerisms, the way she gently hums along to the radio when she knows a certain song. All things that would usually bring a smile to Heeseung’s face. But not tonight - not when there’s clearly something wrong.

Ari hums gently in response, turning in her seat to face Heeseung. Her eyes are tired, though still shimmering in a way that would put the entire galaxy to shame. “Have you ever given so much of yourself to someone, only for it to not be enough?” She asks softly. Heeseung can’t help the way he softly bites his lip, nodding gently to her question. “I think I know what you mean.” He says.

It’s one of Heeseung’s greatest fears, not being enough. Giving your everything to someone, to live, think and breathe all for them, only to have it all to be gone in the blink of an eye. It’s the reason Heeseung has never been in a serious relationship - as much as he is obsessed with the idea of falling in love, he’s scared. Because Heeseung falls hard and fast, and he wonders if there’s anyone in the world willing to fall with him.

Ari is everything Heeseung has ever wished for in human form. She feels and expresses her emotions more than anyone he has ever met. It’s what made her so different from everyone else he’s been interested in. Because some childish part of him believes in fate. And god, does this seem like it.

“You spaced out again.” Ari comments, causing Heeseung to sheepishly rub the back of his neck, mumbling a small apology. “I don’t suppose you have a remedy for a broken heart in that interesting head of yours?” Ari asks. She brings her finger up to gently poke between Heeseung’s brows, the furrow he didn’t even know about immediately fading.

“Me”

Heeseung is an idiot. The mix of shock and confusion on Ari’s face confirms that he did, in fact, say that out loud. His expression can’t help but mirror hers as he racks his brain for something… anything to say that can fix this. Is it even worth attempting to play it off? Or should he just man up and confess? He’s basically already started… so might as well give her an explanation.

“Fuck Ari… I just can’t stand to see you like this. Knowing that I could love you more than he ever did. Treat you better than he ever did. It pains me to think that he would just throw you away like you’re nothing, when there are people like me… people who would do anything to just hold you and feel you and love you.”

“You are so bright and warm and radiant and just so pretty. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on. And I know you don’t believe me, which makes you even more beautiful in my eyes.”

“I know, this is the worst time to tell you but I can’t just keep acting like it’s nothing. Like I feel nothing… It’s killing me, Ari.” Heeseung finishes, the hint of desperation in his voice causing Ari’s eyes to soften.

“Heeseung…” Ari lets out, not too sure how to respond. “I’m sorry. I know you’re upset and I just sprung all my feelings onto you, I should never have-”

“Heeseung.” Ari cuts him off, her tone a little sterner at the sound of his rambling. Heeseung bites his lips nervously as he awaits his fatal rejection. “Listen… you’re amazing, Heeseung…”

And there it goes. The infamous line is one he’s heard many times in his life. It starts off as a sweet compliment, almost tricking him into thinking there’s a possibility that just maybe they return his feelings. But all the hope of reciprocation goes out the window as soon as the word but is mumbled. You’re amazing Heeseung but just as a friend. You’re amazing Heeseung but you’re too much for me.

“Heeseung.” Ari repeats for a third time, once again breaking him out of his thoughts. He lets out a hum to let her know he’s listening, his eyes zoning in on a particularly interesting thread on his shirt. “Can you look at me, please?” Ari asks softly, reaching out to gently pull his hand away from the thread - hoping her touch will help to ease his mind in some way.

Heeseung reluctantly brings his eyes up to meet hers, trying to ignore the way his hand practically goes numb from the warmth of her own. Like it’s ascended to heaven from her touch alone. Ari sends him a small smile before continuing what she’s saying:

“Heeseung, I want you to believe me 100% when I say that you are one of the nicest, most considerate guys I’ve ever met. And I am so lucky to have someone like you in my life, who sees me and cares for me the way that you do.”

But… There’s always a but…

“But… it’s just not gonna work. Not right now, at least.”

Heeseung’s eyebrows furrow at her words. Usually rejections are so blatant and obvious, you’d be a fool to go away with any questions. So why is Ari rejecting him in a way that still leaves him with hope?

“You have been nothing but sweet and patient and attentive towards me and my feelings. You deserve to be with someone who will give you the same back, if not more. I’m sorry but… I don’t think I can do that for you right now… and I don’t know how long it’ll be until I can.”

Ari finishes her sentence with a gentle squeeze to Heeseung’s hand. He slowly lets go of the breath he was holding, being sure to squeeze back. “I understand.” He says quietly, a small smile on his face.

If there’s one thing Heeseung doesn’t know how to do, it’s give up. What sounded like a perfectly normal rejection to most people sounded completely different to Heeseung’s head. Because to him, the difference between no and not now is ginormous. And Ari didn’t tell him no.

The drive back to Heeseung’s apartment is equally as silent as the one before. Despite the relationship between the two not changing the way Heeseung would have liked, he can’t help the small smile on his face and the sudden feeling of freedom in his heart.

They mumble soft goodbyes as Heeseung gets out of the car, Ari winding down her window to watch him walk to his door. Before he can think, Heeseung turns back around to face her - causing Ari’s eyebrows to furrow with confusion.

“I’ll wait for you. As long as you’ll let me.” Heeseung says, holding out his pinkie as a promise. They both know what he means, and the thought alone brings a smile to Ari’s face.

Jay is a good friend. He reads people easily, noticing the small signs of what someone might be thinking. It’s definitely not psychic, but if there’s anyone in the world who’s close - it would be him.

Which is why he’s mentally beating himself up. Heeseung sits across from him at the campus cafeteria, happily eating his sandwich. And for the first time in their years of friendship, Jay can’t tell what he’s thinking.

It’s no secret that Heeseung has been oddly private recently… especially since he’s someone who’s known to share his life events with anyone willing to listen. Ever since the whole thing with Ari fell through (Jay assumes, since Heeseung hasn’t mentioned her in months) Heeseung hasn’t shared the story around his love life with any of the guys.

Speaking of the devil, Heeseung’s eyes light up as he sends a cheerful wave towards someone behind Jay - that someone turning out to be none other than Ari.

She politely bows to Jay before turning to face her friend. “I thought you had a lecture?” She asks. “Yeah but the cafeteria was gonna close and I really wanted a sandwich.” Heeseung says, motioning to the snack he’s currently holding. “You’re such a dork.” Ari giggles, glancing at the clock before her eyes widen. “Oh shit, I’ve got work.” She exclaims, pulling her phone out of her pocket to text someone. “I’ll call you later.” She continues, affectionately squeezing Heeseung’s shoulder before leaving.

Jay’s eyes stay furrowed with confusion, even as Heeseung turns back to face him. “What’s wrong?” Heeseung asks, taking another bite of his sandwich. Jay shakes his head slightly, looking down at his own food. “Nothing I just… I didn’t know you two were still talking.” Jay shrugs.

Now it’s Heeseung’s turn to be confused. He and Ari talk everyday? She even comes around every Thursday night and makes Tacos with him and Ni-ki. Why would Jay think they stopped talking?

The realisation suddenly hits him. Ever since he confessed, he hasn’t felt the need to mention Ari or his feelings towards her to the other guys. Since nothing will be coming from it anytime soon, he figured it’d be best to stop annoying them about it.

“Oh, yeah she rejected me a couple months back.” Heeseung says nonchalantly, causing Jay to look at him in shock. “It’s all good though. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and everything stayed basically the same. I just don’t talk about her cause… y’know, not like anything’s happening.” He continues. “Oh, well that’s good to know.” Jay nods, causing Heeseung to smirk at his friend.

“Why… do you miss gossiping about my love life?” He asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “I’m not Sunoo.” Jay groans, rolling his eyes but smiling at his friend nonetheless. “Don’t worry, you’ll be the first to know if anything changes.” Heeseung says, happily taking a bite of his sandwich.

Heeseung still isn’t the best when it comes to love. But he’s certainly learning. This time last year, he would’ve had his week of crying and moved onto someone new. It’s honestly refreshing for Jay to see such a change in his friend. And if he knows anything about Heeseung, it’s that he doesn’t change for just anyone. Which means that this Ari girl must be pretty darn special.

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mynameischalie · 1 year

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Tidbits...

I had a good Saturday night out but you know you’re an adult when you get excited that you’re planning on heading home. I’m going to sit on my couch and continue watching “I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson” on Netflix.

Now that I actually have more time I’ve been getting in a good groove with working out at the gym. I’ve always been a cardio guy but I feel motivated to hit the weights and try to work on my upper body more.

Wildwood, NJ lost all their power over this weekend and I’m heading to South Jersey Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for a mini vacation. I’m hoping the electric company is able to get things back to normal soon.

I noticed I have been getting a handful of new followers which is weird that they are not bots. This website in particular has been an adventure to me I’ll leave it at that. If you like what I’m posting awesome, welcome!! If you’re trying to get attention from me please kindly fuck off. I don’t have time for that.

I’ve been talking to my friend Milessa and she’s out there dating again after a divorce. Milessa and I have been friends for 20 years. I’m stoked for her but she’s seeing a guy that she’s unsure about. She was telling me that he won’t make a move the two times they hung out. I can’t mustard the courage to tell her that something seems off. He’s a dude that is super into horoscopes ,says things like “literally me and I can’t even right now (women lingo!)”, and frequently visits Starbucks for his iced coffees. He also uses the sparkle emoji in conversation a lot. Maybe I’m wrong but Milessa I think that dude might be gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that I’m just saying he might just be a pal.

Other than that I’m just trying to keep moving forward. If you’re reading this I hope your summer is treating you well! I feel like I only follow about 50 people here but it’s a good small circle that I enjoy keeping up with.

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medea10 · 10 months

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My Review of Carole and Tuesday

How did I get into this anime? I’ve been wanting to watch this anime for the longest time. It’s just that when it first came out it was in ‘Netflix jail’. And not just regular Netflix jail, “Japanese Netflix jail”. After it was finally released, I found myself caught up in other ventures like Komi-san, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, and Violet Evergarden. I know, I sicken myself for that.

It’s important to note that in this story, people have the capability to live on Mars and the planet is now a terraformed, human-thriving place to live. We have AI technology to thank for that. Okay, now I see the connection to Shinichiro Watanabe directing this anime. I’ve been wondering for years why the genius behind Space Dandy and Cowboy Bebop would do this.

We start the anime with a young girl named Tuesday running away from home with nothing but her guitar and the clothes on her back. She leaves her affluent family behind and ends up in the metropolis Alba City. There she meets a keyboard player named Carole. Carole has been on her own her whole life. During the day she’s at part-time jobs (that she usually gets fired from) and at night, she plays the keyboard. Carole and Tuesday’s meeting was fate. They both connected when they jammed together. After playing on a stage for a few minutes, someone recorded their surprise performance and uploaded it online. The video became a viral sensation and caught the attention a man named Gus who wants to be the girl’s manager.

Aside from seeing the misadventures of Carole and Tuesday, we occasionally see things about a famous model named Angela. She has aspirations of hitting it big in the music industry as well and goes through all kinds of trials to be on par with all the AI generated music these days. But of course, Angela isn’t the main focus of the story, Carole and Tuesday are. They don’t even meet for real until the 8th episode. But Angela who already has name-recognition feels a little threatened by the mellow melodies of Carole and Tuesday. Let’s watch these talented ladies make some music!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As I said before, this was indeed nabbed by Netflix back in 2019. Sure, it’s no problem now. But count back four years and you’ve got months of pirating or waiting depending on your patience. It eventually aired and as a collective everyone moved on to the next big thing. In later years, it looked as though Sentai Filmworks licensed it as well. Is that what Sentai is going to continue doing? Are they going to take every single Netflix anime series, license it, and redub it? Legitimately asking here! They just did that to Kakegurui. If they do, for the love of God, please don’t let them redub over the songs. And thank you Netflix for not trying to butcher the songs. I always get worried when watching a musical anime that it’s going to happen. Long story short, I loved both the sub and the dub. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Tuesday is played by Kana Ichinose (known for Maki on Kaguya-sama, Maaa on Made in Abyss, and Yuzuriha on Dr. Stone)

*Carole is played by Miyuri Shimabukuro (known for Inca on Fire Force and Yuuna on Tsurune)

*Angela is played by Sumire Uesaka (known for Nagatoro on Miss Nagatoro, Shalltear on Overlord, Chloe on Miss Kobayashi, Dekomori on Chunibyo, Aya on Tonikawa, and Mitsuki on Yuri is my Job)

*Gus is played by Akio Ootsuka (known for InuYasha’s father on InuYasha, All For One on My Hero Academia, Rider on Fate/Zero, Gouhin on Beastars, Kyouraku on Bleach, Blackbeard on One Piece, and Skull Knight on Berserk 2016)

ENGLISH CAST: *Tuesday is played by Brianna Knickerbocker (known for Rem on Re:Zero, Kanao on Demon Slayer, Filo on Shield Hero, Akane on Durarara, Wiz on Konosuba, and Misha on Misfit of Demon Academy)

*Carole is played by Jeannie Tirado (known for Lutz on Ascendance of a Bookworm, Norman on The Promised Neverland, Fana on Black Clover, Kanae on Tokyo Ghoul :re, Riko on Love Live Sunshine, Zera on Fairy Tail)

*Angela is played by Ryan Bartley (known for Allister on Pokemon Journeys, Ram on Re:Zero, Takechiyo on Yashahime, Yuna on SAO, Yusa on Charlotte, Futaba on Magia Record, and Gilda on The Promised Neverland)

*Gus is played by Jason Marnocha (known for Samurai Sword on Chainsaw Man)

DISLIKED CHARACTER: Mamoru Miyano or not, I don’t like Ertegun. To be fair though, there are a lot of Mamoru Miyano characters I hate. Look, the point is I don’t like this guy.

Yeah. His first couple of appearances left a nasty taste in my mouth. Even when it seems like he’s a better man with Carole and Tuesday after losing all his money, I would always be suspicious of the guy. At least with Cybelle, we never see her again after the shady shit she did. This guy, we see up until the end of the series.

SHIPPING: Tuesday sure has had her fair-share of love interests. Well, she had one. But Cybelle was too much of a stalker fan. We actually see another stalker who loved a singer too much here too. But because it’s Angela, they took care of things before she was shot on stage. The Cybelle thing kinda got crazy when she gave Tuesday a hickey and set off a booby-trap that injured her. Yeesh, this woman!

But then we see Tuesday seem a little interested in an investigative reporter named Kyle. She doesn’t have to say anything, her facial expressions and the redness of her face says it all. But one night, she was planning to give him a gift and sees him kissing another girl kinda shattered her.

Now if there’s anyone with an interesting love life that we only see a little bit of is Gus’s. Probably because of his prior marriage to Marie…who is now marrying another woman. This show is totally rep’in the LGBT+ community and I’m lovin’ it.

GUILTY PLEASURE: Yeah, I really like that Mermaid Sisters song.

Admit it to yourselves. The second you heard that song, you found yourself humming it the rest of the day.

HALFWAY POINT: Before the midway point, Carole and Tuesday made it onto the hit reality-competition show Mars Brightest. If I were to explain it, it looked like an American Idol, The Voice, America’s Got Talent mish-mash. The girls made it through to the top 8 out of over 200 contestants. But they were up against some really talented singers including several influencers plus Angela who is doing her singing debut. Their non-use of A.I.’s with their music might seem like it would cripple their chances of winning the competition, but the judges and the audience have fallen in love with the duo. It wasn’t an easy ride here. Before their semi-finals match, a disgruntled Tuesday fan set up a booby-trap that burned her arm. Cybelle was all kinds of red-flags and I pray that’s the last I see of her.

After the semis, Tuesday is kidnapped. Tuesday’s mother (Valerie Simmons) orchestrated this to bring her back home. Tuesday’s mother is a politician and in the middle of an election to become the leader of Mars and doesn’t need her “disobedient” child causing mayhem in the middle of a crucial campaign. Thankfully, Carole, Gus, and Roddy were able to break in and bust Tuesday out (with some help from Tuesday’s brother). Unfortunately for Carole and Tuesday, this bust-out happened on the day of the Mars Brightest finale and they had to hurry up to the studio to perform live. The good news was they made it in time. The bad news, they were disqualified for not being present during the broadcast. But they were allowed to perform despite being disqualified. Their performance was so moving that they were actually given a record contract.

Gus however put an end to them getting a contract from that Mars Brightest judge Catherine. Gus has been in the business a long time and would feel it would be better for the girls if they had a little more freedom when it comes to their music. And so, they all go on a journey for an elusive producer named Tobe. They lured this secret guy out and after scaring the shit out of everyone with an axe, he agreed to help the girls produce.

I know I should have put this in the sub/dub section, but I fucking love John Snyder’s voice. No one ever says anything about this guy and he plays a grizzled, old fuck better than most voice actors. But aside from that, we’ve also got Tuesday’s mother waging a war on illegal aliens in her presidential campaign, a stalker getting a little too crazy for Angela, and Ertegun being financially bankrupt.

ENDING: It’s been well established at the beginning of every episode that Carole and Tuesday were going to cause a monumental moment that will cause a seven-minute “miracle”. So, it should go without saying that the girls hit it big by the end of this series. But what do we have to look forward to before then? Angela’s agent Mr. Tao being arrested. Angela’s mother having a heart attack. Carole and Tuesday working on an album. An Angela A.I. clone. Carole’s friend detained for being an illegal alien. The Mars election. The Grammy’s. All of that happening within the final couple of episodes may seem too much, but I think it all ended quite nicely.

First, let’s get to the Angela stuff. Everyone still sees Angela as the golden child in the music industry and nearly everywhere else. Mr. Tao expanded that by creating an A.I. of Angela. His experiments do go really in depth and can get unethical. Added pressure from her mother Dahlia hasn’t helped her one bit as it just gave her severe stress. Angela ends up getting hooked on pain killers and other medications. But a sudden collapse from Dahlia changed everything. Angela learns from Dahlia that she isn’t really her mother but loves her regardless and then she dies. Angela was a wreck at this moment and still attends the Grammy’s to perform. She gets the Best New Artist award and performs…I think.

I’m not sure if she actually performed or if it was all in her head. Angela’s psychosis almost went to Perfect Blue levels. What we are sure of is that she collapsed on stage as she overdosed on painkillers. Angela’s mental state was out of control that we don’t know if she’ll ever sing again.

The Mars election has been a big thing since the halfway point. Tuesday’s mother Valerie has been climbing up in the polls with her controversial illegal immigration stances. Truth be told is that, she doesn’t really support zero tolerance deportation, that’s her campaign manager pulling those strings. Her manager is not only behind the support for deportation, but also devised a terrorist attack and blamed it on illegal immigrants. Tuesday’s brother Spenser has been trying to save his mother from making a big mistake by continuing with this election any further. Spenser thankfully wasn’t alone as he was with that journalist that Tuesday took a liking to, Kyle.

As for Carole and Tuesday, these two ladies have really been riding their luck and it’s been going pretty well for them. They were able to write the last few songs for their upcoming album, they were nominated for a Grammy, and a notable singer wants to sing with them at the award show. Crystal was a singer the girls have met once before and now she wants to perform with the duo at the Grammy’s. And it was a success!

The girls are happy here, but they can’t help but notice the state of Mars and what could become of it. Tuesday’s mother could become the leader and put in a military state. Carole may never see her friend Ezekial again. Not to mention Angela’s slight fall from grace. The duo wants to do something. They plan with their closest allies to come up with a one-night performance. Gus, Ertegun, and the rest will get in contact with people they can trust. All Carole and Tuesday have to do is write the perfect song to unite everyone who will listen. Easier said than done! Although, this series has shown that these girls were able to make lyrics and music and having it turn out successful. Will it work? We get a conclusion in the final episode for most issues surrounding this series. Valerie listens to her son and drops out of the election, but not before telling off her campaign manager. Mr. Tao got his revenge on some enemies. Tao also paid Angela a visit and gave her a little bit of closure. Both he and Angela are genetically engineered children.

And as for this special moment, many special singers came for this occasion. There were big superstars like Crystal. Past acquaintances from the Mars Brightest competition like Pytor and GGK (not Cybelle thankfully). A singer from back in the day, Flora. And even…Desmond?! I thought Desmond died! And best of all, Angela came too. It seems she’ll go back to singing for fun, like when she was a child. Carole and Tuesday brought those feelings back to Angela with their songs.

All of these artists together on one stage. This was the seven-minute miracle. This song united all who listened. And at the end, we get the message that this’ll be continued…

gasp

In your memories.

D’oh! Cock-tease! I came in thinking I was going to love this anime. I was not disappointed in that department. Netflix has a reputation for putting out hit-or-miss animes. This is definitely one of the best…after Violet Evergarden.

First, I want to talk about the music. Nowadays if the anime is a musical, the character’s seiyuu will do the singing. And that should be an expectation when I see big names like Maaya Sakamoto, Mamoru Miyano, Megumi Hayashibara, and Sumire Uesaka. But there were different singers for nearly every song. I don’t think I’ve heard this since watching NANA and I love it. Another unique thing I saw with Carole and Tuesday was that the girls did not have a spat that almost breaks up the group. We did not see that at all. These girls got along and did their music.

Next…this anime got really current with a lot of things. Yes, I know this anime is set a possible century from now…and for some reason Instagram still exists, but it can still feel relevant. Music is mostly done through A.I. influence and nowadays, it’s starting to look a lot like that. Everything is now thanks to things like A.I. generated art and Chat GPT. And of course, the big thing that stuck out at me was politics. I am in no way an expert in the subject. That wasn’t even my major in school (although coming really close to minoring in poli-sci). I’m just a regular U.S. citizen that keeps up with the news. Seeing the portion of the anime where Tuesday’s mother is talking about cracking down on illegal immigration on Mars really strikes a chord. Yeah, pretty much every administration has their way of dealing with that issue and all of them really did a really lousy job.

I’m pretty sure this anime was making a point with what the Trump administration was doing with the MICE officers. Pfft. I know this really stands for Mars Immigration and Customs Enforcement, but seeing officers wearing uniforms that say MICE on it, I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Another bit that was struck during Carole and Tuesday was when it came to artistic freedom. Yeah, this is another thing that I’m noticing a lot of recently. Political figures cracking down on what artists can and can’t do or make an example of. Nowadays, I’m seeing certain states ban books, songs, and other such things. Seriously, just because Miley Cyrus and Dolly Parton sing about rainbows, that needs to be banned? Tennessee, do better! And Florida, you’ve never been good. Just do the whole world a favor and drop in the ocean.

Yeah, I’m gonna stop my rambling here. This anime has been a treat and I encourage anyone who loves music to definitely check this out. Netflix has the whole series available for streaming. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to crack down on some Bungo Stray Dogs.

#anime review #carole and tuesday #carole #tuesday #angela #ertegun #mermaid sisters #gus #valerie simmons #tobe

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talia-rumlow · 2 years

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My Works (Will be updated as I go)

First of all. Thank you so much for your likes, your comments and your support. I really appreciate it.

My writing is 18+, smut, and all that follows with it. Some stories are worse than others. Read on own risk. Warnings will be posted.

I usually write Marvel related stuff. But I can take requests for other things as well. Favorites are: The Night Manager, Supernatural, Criminal Minds, Bones, Buffy/Angel, 911, Chigaco Fire/PD/Med, Kingdom (I am currently in the process of watching the entire show), Wheelman.

Although I decided to take a step back from RPF, I could maybe take request for that too. But probably only One Shots. Send me a PM if you want me to write something for you.

I also post my stuff on Wattpad, AO3, My personal blog, TikTok and My Saviour is also ongoing on Instagram as a video story. (If you want to keep the thrill, and read the stories as I post them on here. I would recommend, NOT to visit my Blog, AO3 or Wattpad)

ON HOLD! (Given the recent news about Chris Hemsworth!)

Yes! You are seeing correctly. I´m actually writing a Loki fic. And this is an epic one!

Given your place in Asgard, a secret relationship with the God of Mischief isn't exactly a good Idea. But you can't stop. It's an obsession, a sickness. You can't get enough of him! And Loki can't get enough of you!

This story will go back and forth in time.

Chapter One - Twisted Reality

Chapter Two - Queen Of Asgard

Chapter Three - Loki & Thor

COMPLETED STORIES

Private Workout (Alvey Kulina One-Shot)

Another story based on one of Frank Grillos roles. The 2017 NETFLIX movie Wheelman. I love that movie.

After a real heavy night out with the girls, you decide to sleep it off in your car. But when a bankrobbery goes South, and the Getaway driver "borrows" your car, the night takes a whole new turn. While you´re being chased around the city by his enemies, you start to see the thrill of the criminal side of things. But things aren´t always as black and white as you or he thinks.

Chapter One - Wheelman

Chapter Two - Heating Things Up

Chapter Three - This Is Going To Hurt

Chapter Four - Do You Always Fuck The Girls You Kidnap?

Chapter Five - I Told You To Run, YN!

After tips from @nekoannie-chan I have decided to start to post my other stories on here as well.

My schedule:

MONDAY: My Saviour

TUESDAY: My Brother´s Best Friend

WEDNEDSDAY: Bound & Brockened

THURSDAY: Best Friends Forever

FRIDAY: Escort To The Multiverse

SATURDAY: Forbidden Fruit

SUNDAY: Strangers With Memories (Original Story)

You can read about the stories further down in this post!

My Saviour is a Rumlow X Reader story. This story will contain Graphic Sexual Description, Graphic Description of Violence, Death, Murder, angst, trauma, Domestic Abuse and Past Abuse. Read on own risk. This is a story where I portray Brock Rumlow as a decent human being. He also has a backstory. If you don´t like Brock Rumlow yet. You will, after reading this story.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Marvel characters, only my original ones.

Chapter One - We Don´t Treat Women Like That!

Chapter Two - Can I Tell You A Little Secret?

Chapter Three - What Someone Like Me, Does To Little Brats Like You

Chapter Four - Who Is In Charge?

Chapter Five - Good Girls Gets Rewarded

Chapter Six - The Morning After

Chapter Seven - First Day At Work

Chapter Eight - I Want To Protect You

Chapter Nine - That´s Right, You Disobeyed Me!

Chapter Ten - Pick One!

Chapter Eleven - Mine! Say It!

Chapter Twelve - I´ll Find Him!

Chapter Thirteen - Want To Play A Game?

Chapter Fourteen - Pull Over!

Chapter Fifteen - What Do You Want Me To Do?

Chapter Sixteen - Want Me To Look For It?

Chapter Seventeen - Did You Lock The Door?

Chapter Eighteen - That Girl You Like So Much!

Chapter Nineteen - It´s A Date!

Chapter Twenty - When You Call Me Brock

Chapter Twentyone - See What You Get When You Ask Nicely

Chapter Twentytwo - Come For Me, Brock!

Chapter Twentythree - Please Don´t Leave Me!

Chapter Twentyfour - I Fucking Love You!

Chapter Twentyfive - Are You Alright?

Chapter Twentysix - You Disobeyed Me, Brock!

Chapter Twentyseven - Will It Be Dangerous, This Mission?

Chapter Twentyeight - Have You Ever Used A Gun Before, YN?

Chapter Twentynine - SHIELD Is The Safest Place To Be!

Chapter Thirty - Alexander Pierce

Chapter Thirtyone - Why Is This Happening To You?

Chapter Thirtytwo - How Did You End Up Here?

Chapter Thirtythree - This One Is Not!

Chapter Thirtyfour - Please Don´t Be Mad At Me!

Chapter Thirtyfive - Who Said Anything About Winning?

Chapter Thirtysix - I Love You, YN!

Chapter Thirtyseven - Good Agents Don´t Disobey Orders, YN!

Chapter Thirtyeight - You Are Fired Though!

Chapter Thirtynine - What´s Wrong With You, Brock?

Chapter Fourty - Well Played, YN! You´re Still Dead Though!

Chapter Fourtyone - What Did You Do To deserve This Treatment?

Chapter Fourtytwo - She´s Messing With Your Mind, Brock! Be Careful!

Yet another Rumlow as a decent human being story. Yes! I LOVE doing these. Give Rumlow some love.

After years not speaking to your brother, Jack Rollins. He invites you to spend the summer with him, in New York. When your flight gets cancelled, Jack tells you, that you can hitch a ride, with his best friend, driving home from a mission. Great, you've met Brock Rumlow one time before, and you hate his face. Cocky, self-righteous, arrogant bastard. Not your type at all. You're not looking forward to drive across the country with him. Will you survive this trip with him, or will past experiences make it impossible to get to your destination? Secrets will come out, the past will catch up with both you and Rumlow. This story will be kinda a slow burn, with sexual content, and a lot of humor.

Chapter One - What, Brock? He´s A Good Guy!

Chapter Two - The Stupid Obnoxious One!

Chapter Three - You´re Reading Porn!

Chapter Four - You´ll Never Understand Him!

Chapter Five - What Did You Dream About?

Chapter Six - Like What You See?

Chapter Seven - Arrg.. Piss off, Brock!!

Chapter Eight - What do you want me to say, Brock?

Chapter Nine - Get your fucking hands off!

Chapter Ten - Truth Or Dare

Chapter Eleven - His Best Friend´s Little Sister!

This story is the fastest growing story I´ve EVER posted. I absolutely LOVE to write this story. And I hope you´ll enjoy reading it as well. Just remember the warnings. Read with care!

Brock Rumlow, a ruthless badass, with a fucked up dominant side! After a mission goes terribly wrong, he gets fired from his job. After picking up girls in bars for a while, he gets that he needs more. No more of these fucked up, girls that leaves the next morning. He needs something stable. Someone he can use, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. Someone he can get out his frustration on.

So he decides to buy you, at an auction!

You had no money, no place to live, nothing left. That's the only reason you decided to give yourself away. To use the only thing you had, to maybe get some food and a roof over your head. You had no idea what you were walking into!

DARK STORY!! ⚠️⚠️

Containing graphic descriptions of non-con elements, bdsm, different forms of torture, graphic sexual descriptions.

⚠️READ ON OWN RISK⚠️

🔞🔞🔞

Chapter One - Hades

Chapter Two - Owned!

Chapter Three - Choices!

Chapter Four - Play!

Chapter Five - Rules!

Steve and Bucky have been best friends since the 30's. Steve married you and Bucky married Nat weeks apart, and you've been best friends and double dated for years. What will happen when Nat leaves Bucky, and Bucky moves in with you and Steve? Will the friendship between the four of you last. And more importantly, will your marriage to Steve last when his amazingly handsome best friend moves in.

Chapter One - Divorce?!

Chapter Two - Nightmares!

Chapter Three - Breakfast!

Chapter Four - James.

One of my absolute favorite stories to write. This one made me tap into the darkest places of my mind. This will be a dark story. Containing graphic sexual description, Non-Con, BDSM, rough treatment, strong language, and everything else in that area. Rating X 18+! Read on own risk!

You were new to the city of New York. Your job didn't pay enough money to make rent, so you decided to start to work at a gentlemans club. Then a friend offers you a job at an escort service. To make ends meet, you says yes! One day you are sent on a mission to the SHIELD building, to take care of two agents, returning from a mission. Will it be too much for you to handle? Or will this be just what you need to get the new start you so desperately needs?

Characters includes: Tony Stark, Captain America & The Winter Soldier!

Chapter One - Jack Rollins & Brock Rumlow

Chapter Two - Can You Fuck Her Or Not?!

Chapter Three - I Think She Likes It!

Chapter Four - Shut Her Up!

Chapter Five - She´ll Fucking Listen Now!

Chapter Six - Listen Don´t Fucking Talk

Chapter Seven - She Enjoys The Fucking Pain

Chapter Eight - How Does She Taste?

Chapter Nine - Some Sort Of Super Human!

I´ve always been a fan of the Night Manager, so of course I had to make a fic about Jonathan Pine. This will contain a lot of feelings, past trauma, abuse, murder, Non-Con elements and sexual description.

You met Jonathan Pine 5 years ago in Cairo. One steamy night was all you had time for, before Richard Roper got hold of you. Now you've been his prisoner for 5 years. When some unforeseen events led to you and Jonathan Pine to meet again. Only this time Mr. Roper calls the shot. Your job is to Seduce Jonathan Pine, and make him talk. Make him reveal his secrets before he can put a stop to Ropers plan. Your only way out of Ropers control is to finish the job. Will you reveal his secrets? Or will he reveal yours first?

Chapter One - Cairo 5 Years Ago

Chapter Two - No Way Out!

Chapter Three - A Part Of Life

Chapter Four - Daniel!

This story means the world to me. And it´s heartbreaking, sweet and though. It´s about events from my own life, so I´m really putting myself out there with this one. It was the events in this story that got me into writing in the first place. If it wasn´t for what happened, I wouldn´t have been where I am today. So although I got my heart ripped out of my chest and stamped on. It was worth it.

What if you find love, with the most unexpected person? What if he gave you everything you missed? Only to leave you confused! What if that heartbreak gave you the chance to do everything you ever wanted. Would you risk it all? One more time...

Chapter One - Christopher He´s Good!

Chapter Two - Redecorate The Bathroom

Chapter Three - The First Date

Comment or send me a PM if you want to be on my taglist <3

And if you got as far as to this part.. THANK YOU for reading. And I hope you´ll read my stories, once I post them.

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the-fiction-witch · 2 years

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Lil Angel

Media Godless (Netflix)

Character Whitey Winn

Couple Whitey X Reader

Rating Flirting

Concept Bugger Off Whitey

Smut Flirting Discussions

I stood as I often did behind the small wooden counter making notes in my little stock book watching the ladies of labelle pass about their various business. And as I focused on my stock book I heard a sound. Such a sound in fact I didn't need to look up to discover its source as I already knew it.

Labelle was quite always nowadays as a town of mostly ladies. It had a sweet peacefulness. Often I left the ship door open as the bell seemed far too loud and I could tell a customer was coming simply by the steps and creaks of the porch. Those creaks started up a bit differently when most ladies of town stepped on the porch or were low slow cracks but these were heavy fast cracks with a loud sound of boots on wood.

The second indication of whom this was, happened to be the scent that followed them along. Like a rat had gorged itself on rotten eggs and killed over under your floorboards on a hot summer's day, a scent deep within his skin as I fail to recall his last bath.

I thought to myself how little I was surprised by his arrival as it was a Tuesday morning and he almost always had a night shift in the office Monday nights and piped on once finished on a Tuesday morning.

I glanced up begrudgingly, seeing him sauntering in like prince of new England, his boots against the wooden floor caked on three months worth of dust and dirt, his trousers hugged every inch of him so much the seams blended into the texture of the fabric, his two leather gun belts sat across his hips a gun in each with the bullets crossing over each other, the once white button down hidden away by his half button shirt so dirty it was impossible to tell it's origin colour the glint of silver from his deputy badge hanging from his pocket, his skin covered in mud and dirt it all patchy where his sweat had moved it and let it settled in other spots proving again his lack of a recent bath. The poor excuse for facial hair above his top lip on his jealousy of the sheriff and the marshal and his lack of ability to actually grow one like theirs. His hair so matted and dirty it was looming in locks and strands clumped together by dirt, grease and… god only knows what else, I was almost convinced of I took a hoe to his head I'd likely be able to plant a track of potatoes that too could be said for under his nails too. His cream coloured hat in his hat having slipped it off upon entering the shop. He saw me looking a sly smirk crawled across his lips giving me a suggestive wink.

I rolled my eyes and went back to my business.

"'ello my lil Angel" he Cooes leaning his elbow on the counter his chin in his hand

"What do you want?" I sighed moving my book away

"I just wanted to pop by, see my lil Angel" he Cooes I glancing at him seeing his smirking face the moment our eyes met he smiled wider and made kissy faces at me

"Bugger off Whitey Winn" I glared "last thing I want is your skinny ass around bothering" I sighed grabbing my rag to clean around the store

"Awww haven't ya missed me?" He Cooes following me like a lost puppy

"No. It was lovely and quiet"

"I'm sure my lil Angel missed me. Even if she doesn't want admit it" he smirked coming up behind me and pinching my butt thought my dress making me jump up which he immediately used to his advantage wrapping his arms around me pulling me into his chest "ummm thats better y/n" he smirked giving my body a squeeze

"Whitey Winn! You unhand me this minute!" I demanded forcing his hands away putting space between us "you dirty. Underhanded. Little greenhorn. Explain yourself"

"I saw your ass. And I grabbed it. Can't blame me for takin' my opportunities darlin'" he smirked

So I slapped him "go bother someone else" I told him heading back to my counter

"Why would I go see anyone else? I've been locked up in the office away from my lil Angel all night ya can't blame me for gettin' a little handsy"

"If you don't want anything whitey go home"

"Fine. I would like somethin'"

"Yes?"

"Box of shells"

"Alright" I grabbed the shells he always has sitting them on the counter "anything else?"

"Well, if your offerin'? I'll take a BJ in the stables"

"No whitey."

"Awww come on. Ya don't usually get so grumpy with me"

"Perhaps your simply being more annoying" I sighed holding out my hand waiting for my payment which he handed over so I began counting it up

"I might end up being a couple of coins short. If I am… I'm happy to pay ya the rest tonight" he winked

"go on, Get" I told him putting the money away

"Fine. Grumpy Lil angel" He smirked giving my hand a kiss "I'll see ya later" he winked taking shells and heading out back into Labelle.

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hollyjollybaby · 2 years

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October 3, 2022

Phew, I always say this at the start of my posts, but I seriously don’t have time to write down everything I want to write down. I think I need to get more comfortable just jotting down little bits here and there instead of trying to write down every detail of everything that I want to say 😂

Last Monday was my mom’s birthday and she took the day off work. She picked up donuts, orange juice and champagne in the morning and came over to my house. We hung out and played with Holly until the afternoon, when Jake came home a few hours early so we could go out to the winery. We had a really nice afternoon, wine tasting and then getting a couple bottles and some goat cheese and bread and having a little picnic by the pretty pond. Our winery is on the absolutely most gorgeous property. Jake left his engineering job for one year from 2018-2019 and worked there, but when I got pregnant at the end of 2019 he went back to his old job. Not that the pregnancy forced his hand- there were lots of reasons the job wasn’t a good fit. aaaanyways lol.

Tuesday was my first day being the parent participator in Holly’s preschool class. It was fun. It was awkward at first to be on a playground with my child and a bunch of other kids and be expected to like walk around and interact with the other kids, and not just play with her, but I fell into the groove of it pretty quickly. And it reminded me of when I worked in daycare except for less stressful. Holly did a really good job at sharing her mommy all day and didn’t get jealous or upset like I thought she would when other little kids wanted to sit near me if I was reading a book or something. It was interesting to see more of the personalities of the other kids in her class. They’re mostly sweet little kids, but there is one with an attitude that I am not a big fan of and some behaviors that I hope she doesn’t teach my kid haha.

Wednesday wasn’t a school day for us, but preschool had their first field trip out to an apple orchard about 45 minutes away. “Field trip” in quotation marks because parents were responsible for driving their own kids there, which was a little annoying since it was a 90 minute total drive. It was cool as far as apple orchards go, they had a playground and a little store where I bought the absolute best pumpkin roll I’ve ever had in my life (it was the first pumpkin roll I’ve ever had in my life) but I wouldn’t necessarily drive 45 minutes for it again. My child is so flipping cute though and once I showed her how, she had a fun time picking apples off the trees and riding in the wagon.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to watch the new Dahmer show but after a few days of friends talking about it, I decided to give it a try last week and I binged all of it in like three days. I definitely could’ve watched it all in one day if I didn’t have a husband and a child lol.

One of my best friends who moved to Louisville a few years ago, came to visit over the weekend, and even though it was only a 24 hour trip we squeezed a lot of fun into it. We colored with chalk outside with Holly and Jake grilled us some delicious chicken. Saturday evening, we got reservations at a cool new bar in town. It’s styled like a speakeasy and it’s literally hidden inside the walls of another bar. There’s a light outside the door and it turns red when they’re at capacity and turns green if you can come in. It’s kept kinda dark and lit with warm vintage lights, the music is quiet and everyone talks at like a regular speaking level. They encourage you to dress nice and they have rules including no hitting on strangers! They have classic cocktails and then they also do the fancy smoked drinks and whatnot. It was a really fun experience and I want to go back with Jake. We barhopped a little the rest of the night, but got home around 10 (👵🏼) and drank wine and watched Netflix. Holly kept calling her “natty” (her name is Maddie) which was really cute.

Just gonna bury this at the bottom here but I have officially lost 45 pounds and gone from size 17 jeans down to a 12 and I’ve actually ordered some 10s because the couple pairs of 12s I just got last week are feeling loose already.

#proof of mom

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sixthemusicalextras · 2 years

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Chloe Hart Q&A

@/chloesjhart on Instagram, 10 December 2022

Some of the questions asked (Chloe confirms that “a few”, implying at least three, are sick as of the moment):

Q: Fav music genre? A: Apart from musical theatre, of course, it would be Country music. Specifically, the band Rascal Flats — they're, like, my favourite band ever. Um, but in terms of like, modern music [chuckle] sometimes somebody would play something at warm-up and I'll be like, [excited tut] what musical is this from? As like, a joke — um, 'cause I just- I don't really listen to contemporary music.

Q: Favourite Christmas film? A: You can't just pick one! So - I have a few. Um, obviously Home Alone 2 is one of them. Um, After(?) Christmas is one. Um... and one of my new favourite ones is The Christmas Chronicles, which is a Netflix film, um, which is good — and I love Jingle Jangle and, um, I love Miracle On 34th Street — like, the one with Mara Wilson. Um, yeah! And I also really like The Princess Switch [chuckle] with Vanessa Hudgens! So silly!

Q: What's your favourite thing about touring? A: I think it's probably that we essentially have a sleepover every night with my friends, 'cause we share digs most of the time. Um, its basically like having constant sleepovers, like we're all - all of the queens are sharing with one other queen over Christmas, so I'm sharing with Leesa (Tulley), Jen(nifer Caldwell) is sharing with Nat(alie Pilkington), Casey (Al-Shaqsy)'s sharing with Harriet (Caplan-Dean), Jess(ica Niles) is sharing with Grace (Melville), and Becca (Wickes)'s sharing with Alana (Robinson), and so we're all sharing with another person. It just feels like constant sleepovers!

Q: Do you have an updated Aragon costume? A: My costume is being altered, not updated! I have the most up-to-date Aragon costume, um, and it's just being slightly altered size-wise, um, because my body has changed slightly due to lots of gym and stuff, so!

Q: Worst show you've ever had? A: [chuckling] On Six? Um, I don't know if it's the worst show, but when I was in Coventry, um - I haven't been ill very much actually on the show— this is only the second time I've been off ill. Um, but when I was in Coventry, it was the first time, and, um, I had a sickness bug on the Tuesday. And I went back to work on the Wednesday, and... I don't remember the show! I honestly — I came off stage and I was like, "I don't remember doing any of that, it just happened," and I was completely out of it. And then I was off again the next day because I was just — I just came back too soon. So I think that was probably the worst because I don't know what I did! [chuckles] Everyone said I did alright but I- [sighs] God know what happened.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? A: Hopefully with a child or two and working as a casting director!

Q: How did you and Ellie (Haffenden, the dep stage manager of Six West End) meet? A: We initially met on the first day on rehearsals, and then, um, we met again after that — we didn't talk that day — and then we met again a few weeks later when I went to the Vaudeville to watch the show. Um, and, then she slid into my DMs! [laughing] She's gonna hate me for saying that!

Q: Did you always want to be in Six? A: Well, there is a fun fact actually that um, I was actually... meant to go to an audition for the original-original cast (presumably referring to the Original Arts Theatre/Albumcast), or like the original... yeah, the original cast. And, um, I didn't go because I went on a holiday to New York instead! [laughter] I also read the breakdown and thought it was totally not something I could do. Um, which is crazy thinking back on, you know... well, thinking back, that some of the girls that were here were still in like, secondary school when that happened.

Q: How do you cope with comments people make about your size during the show? A: Okay, this is gonna be my last question, but thank you so much for keeping me company! [...] So, firstly I just wanna say that um, thank you so much to those who send, sort of, messages of support and love when I've mentioned this happening in the past. And I think it's important to say as well this isn't something that happens every day, not that I know of — it could happen every day, but I only really see it when it's in the first three or four rows and it really isn't nice when I see it. Um, I cope with it differently every time. Sometimes I'm feeling really good and I don't really care and I just, like, let it wash off my back and I just don't say anything. Some days I get a bit upset, some days I get a bit angry. And some days I just get sorry for those people that have that and I'm reminded sort of — um, I also think it's really sad that those people have obviously missed the entire point of the show, which is about building up people and empowering them, and celebrating, and not judging. Um, and... these people obviously don't really compute that because they sit there commenting and judging upon my body and literally going "oh my gosh, she's in a leotard and she's wearing a tights and a leotard and she's big!" like it's a crazy, crazy notion, but um, you know, I guess- I guess that's their opinion and that's fine, it's just- it's a shame that they can make me feel really vulnerable and self-conscious, um, on-stage, which it does sometimes. Um... but, I'm just glad that I'm old enough for that to not really affect me outside of it; it worries me other people who might be more impressionable. Um... but yeah.

#six the musical #six 2022-23 uk tour #chlöe hart #q&a

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projectarkquel · 2 months

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For my Tumbler Tuesday

Some things I learned from all the mistakes and bad decisions I made in my life.

1. You can’t change what you tolerate. If you let people disrespect you then they don’t have any reason to respect you at all and it applies to ALL.

2. Love yourself always. Unahin lagi ang sarili even if you tend to give 100% to everyone, always make sure to leave something for yourself so if ever the time comes that no one is willing to stay on your side you still have yourself.

3. Even superheroes has their own weaknesses. Hindi laging strong tayo. Its okay to be weak at times. Its not every time you can bear the pain, rejection and disappointment. If you can no longer carry the cross rest for a while, cry if you must-life must go on.

4. Let go of toxic people. Unfriend, block ang delete. It will bring you peace of mind.

5. Move forward and never look back. One of hardest lesson actually that even today I am having a hard time to do. Often times, its one step forward and two steps backward. Whenever I fail, I start all over again.

6. Do things that make you happy. No one can buy you happiness. Take the risk so you wont regret the things that you didn’t do. Ang hirap nung laging may “kasi ikaw eh!”, “sana talaga”, “dapat kasi” etc. Masakit to sa heart kapag laging may ganitong eksena.

7. Cherish every moment. Treat each moment as if this is your last. Do not be afraid to let your emotions be felt. Be honest with your feelings.

8. Avoid “okay lang ako” moment. Nope! Hindi ka okay and its okay to tell that. Be open about it and discuss it. Mental health is important. Don’t let sadness rule your emotions. Don’t let someone invalidate your feelings. We have our own capacity to carry our own cross, no one should ever question that.

9. Its not about the length of relationship. If someone doesn’t see you as someone they will spend their life with, they will drop you anytime- without explanation, without any guilt on their part. Yung mga gagong paasa naman utang na loob have some decency to let the other person know. Don’t keep them wondering what went wrong. They deserve to know, they deserve to sleep peacefully at night without questioning God’s intention. The pain is unbearable (maniwala kayo putang ina sa sakit ‘to).

10. Silent Time/Reflection Time. Hindi laging masaya guys! May mga pag kakataon na you will question your worth (based on personal experience ‘to), you will doubt your capacity as a person, praning moments, over thinking and having doubts. I would always tell these words “whenever I am in doubt, I just need to trust you a lil bit more”. Always remember that things may not go as what we have planned but God will never give us what we can’t bear. Iyak mo lang tapos inom ka ng vodka. Pray and ask guidance. I have survived so many heartaches sana wala na ngayon.

11. Kahit na gaano ka unfair ang mundo sayo, don’t make that as an excuse to be a bad person. Continue to live a good life, let’s believe that God will reward all our pain and sacrifices.

12. Do not assume, do not conclude. I am still on the process of mastering this. I know I will get through with this with flying colors.

13. Viu and Netflix were created for person like me. Laking tulong nito during my dark times. Binge watch if you must. One way or another it will teach you that no matter how hard life can be, there still a reason to enjoy movie and tv shows. Okay na yung ma fall in love ka sa mga characters wag lang sa maling tao.

14. Forgive yourself always. Because you are not perfect. You make bad decision, you choose the wrong people and that’s okay. Sabi nga nila charge to experience na lang. Forgive and move forward because time will come that everything will fall into place.

15. Live the life is you always wanted. During my dark times, when everything seems so wrong with myself, I realized how important my decisions are. So, after being betrayed for a couple of times, got disappointed with a lot of people, hurt by a lot of friends- I decided to cut out those people in life. Just recently, I took the courage to delete all the remaining photos and messages which bring me back to those hurtful moments. Signed up for a new social media account and added those people who just really matters. Those i miss you’s and i love you’s s does not matter anymore , those “tara labas tayo”, “tawag ako”, “punta ko dyan”, “wait mo ko” will be a just a part of the person who no longer exist. It was a good fight. With all that has been said and done, I am taking the risk to give myself the freedom to live the life I always wanted, to focus on myself and to someone I know who will bring peace and sanity to my life. ILYSB.

16. Things happen for a reason. A lot of us experience failures in life. Madalas, I always ask God bakit ako? Ang dami namang masamang tao dyan pero bakit ako. Why do I have to go through a lot of hard times na feeling ko I don’t want to live na sana isang araw matapos na kasi sobrang painful na. And then, maiisip ko na lang if those things didn’t happen, ano na kaya ako, ano na kaya tayo. Ganito pa rin ba ko ka strong, ganito pa rin ba ang personlaity. So, I have accepted that it was all in God’s plan. Those heartaches kept me from being humble and strong despite struggling emotionally, mentally and physically. I choose to live on the present. Kung may mga pag kakataon man na maiisip ko na sana ganito, sana ganyan- yun yung regrets na sana noon pa lang nag risk na ko.

17. Be careful with the people you trust because chances are they will hurt you more than anyone else.

That being said, I would still keep on praying for the things I wanted to happen and one day I will be able to say “this is what I prayed for”

Project Arkquel

#nothingbeats #self preservation #personal #1sangbagsakan #thatbeingsaid #prodigy #rockstarGF #1forthebooks

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alliah899 · 1 year

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Getting to know me

Hi there! I guess you already know my name so might as well I will only share to you about some things in me that you didn't know about. I'm 23 years old living in the Philippines. I am an ambivert type of person which means that I can get along either ways of being an introvert and being an extrovert depending on my mood. There are some days that I enjoy solitude, it may be in my room watching netflix or eating alone in a cute cafe or just simply walking by at the park. During my mood of being an extrovert, I also enjoy being with my friends having brunch on Tuesdays or having a party on a Friday night, getting along with a lot of common friends on a special occasions. I can easily switch up personalities depending on my mood. When it comes to my lifestyle, I am the type of person whose very fond of being physically active. I love going at the gym, running on the roads and making adventures through hiking, mountaineering and traveling anywhere. More often times I can see myself climbing at the mountains or some days I'm at the beach just giving myself a pleasure time. And if you would ask about my music taste I can also get along with mix genres you name it rock, pop, rnb or hip-hop and if you wanna know how much I love music, I couldn't live without it it's my main partner in life whatever I do and wherever I go music is always with me even tho I'm not good at singing but that doesn't count as a music lover right? Oh well, talking a lot really makes me hungry. You agree with that? what's your favourite food? mine is burger with cheese and lettuce but no tomatoes and I also love pizza with lots of pineapples and mozzarella cheese. That's it I guess you know much about me now. Ciao!

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stonewallsposts · 1 year

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Grateful

Our friends are leaving today. They arrived in the states back on June 6th, but didn't start staying with us until June 14. They are going to stay with another family in Ontario, since their flight back to the midwest starts from Ontario airport.

While they are here, "they" being mom, dad and a 14 yo son, we give up our bedroom and let them stay in it, while we sleep on air mattresses in the second bedroom/studio. But whatever inconvenience it might be, I consider the trade-off worth it because of the time I get to spend with them. I took off 5 of the 9 working days they stayed here so I could just hang out and talk.

The mom is from Japan, so we tried our best to get her some Japanese food before they go back to Missouri, where apparently it's more difficult to find.

The son, who was small last time they were here four years ago, is now taller than I am. They also mentioned that it's tough to keep him fed with his growth and wanting to work out. So we made it our mission to make sure he didn't go to bed hungry.

I made some big filet mignon's the first Thursday night they were here. Then we went to my favorite pizza napoletana place, Fuoco, on Saturday with some mutual friends.

Made my tacos for them on Sunday night- which consists of homemade corn tortillas, grilled chimichurri marinated flank steak, green onion, cilantro, avocado, and some salsa. In my personal opinion, the best taco's I've ever had, but that's according to my particular tastes, so I won't guarantee everyone else thinks the same thing.

We went to a Japanese restaurant on Monday night, a Japanese Ramen restaurant on Tuesday night and the other nights they had other engagements with different people they knew.

But it was good to have them here. They will be back for two weeks after returning from the Midwest, but they have an Airbnb they're staying at for that time. Though I believe they'll be here for the last day before they head back to Cambodia, so we'll see them one more time.

We also watched 5 episodes of a Japanese comedy on Netflix. Like I said, we were trying to get mom as much Japanese as we could before she left for the midwest.

But overall, the conversations are what I'm most thankful for. I won't get that for another 2 years at least, since they alternate their yearly visits between Japan and the US. But I'm always grateful for their friendship and how much I learn from them when they're here.

0 notes

slythe-rei · 1 year

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Journal Entry #8 (I think)

I'm just gonna admit that I almost forgot to update cause I have so many things to do.

Anyways!

Tuesday-Wednesday, wild.

I get home from class and one of my mother's friends (and colleague) is there, not too weird but whatever, I'm going to go upstairs.

(I don't manage to get that far)

Apparently I'm being prepositioned into going to a hotel (Le Meridien) to stay with her daughter.

They were fighting and well the family is...wealthy...so the daughter ran away and the dad paid for her stay for however long at a hotel.

Weird.

These people are family friends, I see 'daughter' once or twice a year for raya where we give annual updates.

And now I'm staying over at a hotel with her, huh.

Go to hotel, ROOM IS A SUITE.

(I've stayed there before too but in normal rooms?)

Daughter seems fine, doesn't want to talk about it, fair, I don't wanna either. We go downstairs to IOI to eat, she wanted kopitiam so we go (cause her dad was paying for literally everything so I'm not going to say no) to OldTown, that's fine, that's comfortavble.

Then we get gyoza (fine), then we get ice cream (fine-ish), and Yole (I'm getting full, mate).

She gets more snacks while I'm slack jawed.

The night was pretty uneventful, snacked or her snacks at her behest. Watched Netflix, it was fine.

The next day...

Well in the morning we have their buffet breakfast, tasty, as always, food all around, ate myself stupid.

Then it gets less fine.

I'm supposed to leave today, why aren't you taking me home? Or letting me call my parents to get picked up if you don't want to?

We go everywhere in Putrajaya-Cyberjaya-Kajang instead.

I want to go home.

We end up in this aesthetic, industrial square. It's a place where people take pictures and there are a bunch of cafes.

So I'm sitting in this cafe, sipping on my drink and sharing a cake. Not torture but I really want to home, I have class the next day.

This is where the next character comes in, the elder sister, she's gotten married, has a baby, moved out and has even more beef with their mother than 'daughter'.

'Daughter' doesn't like 'sister' anymore. Probably feels abandoned or something, I don't know, I'm not her shrink.

They argue, it's awkward, they take it outside.

(I'm finishing the cake, btw)

'Sister' comes after their row and tells me she'll go to the hotel with me to grab my stuff and take me home.

I'm not arguing with her.

I say bye to 'daughter'. Her goodbye smile is stony. Help me.

Anyways...

That was that.

With confusion,

Rei~

0 notes

miaslame · 1 year

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Journal Entry #1

Dear Journal,

I am going to start to keep a diary of my life from this day forward. Even, if it’s nothing more than a few short sentences a day. I think it’s always better to write things down than to keep it in my scrambled brain.

Yesterday was the first official day I have off from work until March 5th. I asked to take time off initially because I wanted to take a trip to Japan but I never got the flight/accommodation stuff in order. I’ve just been so busy and my *** took most of my money anyway. Anywho, today is Tuesday and my now boyfriend spent the night with me last night (after a rough start to the night but I won’t go into detail regarding that - it wasn’t anything bad and also didn’t have anything to do with me) but, nonetheless he ended up coming back to my house late last night and we went to bed right away. He had work this morning so we had to get up at 5:30 AM, brush our teeth, and he had to head out the door. I ordered him coffee and breakfast from Starbucks to pick-up on the way (because that’s how much I like him) and he darted out the door and I went back to my very warm and (now) lonely bed. I thought I would be able to go back to sleep for a little while but I was up and so we just texted throughout the morning while I laid in bed and watched tiktoks and some netflix.

Later, around 9:30 AM I decided that I wanted to go to the library and see if any books I put on hold might be available for me to find today instead of waiting on them to be found by the librarian. I, have 4 in total that I would like to read and so far none of them are available. I did, however, check out a book by a writed I have read in the past. The book is titled, “Fangirl” by Rainbow Rowell. So far, I have only read about 6 pages but I am not sure how interested I actually am in the story. I just picked something to get me along until the books I actually want come in. Lastly, I just needed something to do today since it’s a weekday, everyone’s working, and I now have so much free time on my hands I think I am going to drive myself insane. I wanted this time to decompress and take a breather but I also forgot how much it sucks when you have nothing to do all day without any since of a plan. I guess I will see how I hold up for these next few weeks on my own. I really just want to talk to E all day but he’s working and he can’t text me back every second. I wanted to distract myself and get outside so I am just proud that I pulled myself out of bed, went somewhere, and even checked out a book. I think I am going to head home around 4-4:30 PM since it will be the end of the day, the sun will set soon, and it will get cold. I also still need to cook some chicken katsu that I didn’t make yesterday that I need to cook today otherwise it will go bad and then I wasted 2 perfectly goof pieces of chicken cutlet. Also, pre-cut some potatoes and carrots already. So, that is my dinner. I will also be patiently waiting until Friday since my grandmother is sending me some money for my birthday(the 27th) but it’s via (western union) shes very old. I am grateful for her and the fact that she is sending me anything at all since I never get anything from my friends (except my sister) but I doubt I will be getting anything from her this year as she is not doing so well financially. (but that’s not my story to tell) Anyway, back to me. I hav a boyfriend, my birthday is next week, I currently have my period (and cramps) and I decided to get outside and go to the library just to feel something. Overall, my mood is a 7/10 today. I don’t feel bad but I don’t feel great.

Here’s to hoping one day, someday, I will feel at a 10.

#journal #thoughts #relationships #boyfriend #library #losangeles #vacation #dear journal #dear diary

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harrysmaison · 2 years

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hello!!!!! im so sorry this is so tremendously late 😭 ive literally had to submit an assignment everyday it's terirbel sjfndk HOW ARE YOU DOINGGG VI !?

ooh other fandoms, i watch some anime so some of those(sk8, yoi, bsd)! mcyt, skam, i recently watched it and they have my heart lol. have you watched it!? also would love to know about yours as well <33

good news!!!! i finally got rid of my cold :))) AND i go back home on 22 !!!! i cant wait to meet friends , are you visiting home these holidays?

and good news ALWAYS comes with bad news doesnt it : i have four separate quizzes in the coming week + more inevitable assignments theyll dump on us (there's already 3) dndjmd

i remeber you said something about having tests right now maybe? wishing you luck!!!! sending love and hugs -v(i) (hehe)

Heyyyyy vi I'm good omw to uni rn how are you?

Yup it's been a busy month I've got exams next Monday 😭 i watch anime too! but none of the ones you mentioned fjfjfj I'm more into shounen if you know what it is and Marvel and some Netflix series. Just the typical popular fandoms.

Yayyy I'm glad your cold is gone! My cough is gone tooo. We can lead normal lives again. Also omg that's amazing!!! I'm happy for you.

Yes I'm also going home! Probably on the 24th. Just gonna visit the family, be with them, have my old life back for a week. Can't wait.

Ughhh. Quizzes suck. Why can't we have only good things in life? I hope it goes well for you 🤞

And yes as i mentioned i have exams on Monday and Tuesday. Thank youu i hope i do well 🫣

Hope your day/night is going good ❤️

#holiday pal #sandesh

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gxtzeizm · 2 years

Note

Ciao

Sorry about not having a good night, it’s probably because your feeling the stress of your test, but everything will be okay

Haha I can relate to you about watering the plants, sadly for me in one years it only rain 10 or less times in the whole year…

Yea BVB vs Chelsea and I love both teams… it’s always like this, usually BVB it’s always against the teams I like the most, but I’m always rooting for them

I’m pretty sure everything went well with your test!! ✨

Sorry for the late message I’m so tired it’s been a long week (and for me it’s still Tuesday, just imagine)

Hey are you going to watch the new avatar movie? Or maybe The Pinocchio that it’s on Netflix???

Hope your having a good day and that you’re feeling better!

-Your secret Santa

hello there <33

well thanks a lot bestie!! good that last night i was able to sleep well....even it costs me to miss the yesterday match accidently 😭😭 (literally me once again against the timezone). but yeah, also about yesterday's test, idk if i say that i was doing well or not, maybe on the middle i guess lmaooo....i guess the past is past, i'm just moving on from it right now.

my goddd, i can feel you tho about the climate at your place. it must be a full bless and joyful if it's raining there am i right?

well it same goes to me tho when bayern against some teams that i'm also like as well. idk but somehow i'm always imagine if this season's ucl final would be bayern vs eintracht frankfurt....well i'm not prepared for this if that happens lmaoooo

and dw about you sending message to me a bit late etc etc. well i'm believe here we are always against the timezones i said what i said 😂😂.

omg thanks for reminding me about avatar movie. i just found out that tonight is the premiere watch for some of the cinemas here in my country (literally every movies will released in my country during thursday). i'm planning to watch it but idk if can watch during this and next week (yeah right assignments, test, etc), but i hope that i'm able to watch it in the cinemas.

for the pinocchio, maybe i'll watch it later as well. thanks a lot for the suggestions ☺️☺️.

i hope you're having a great day <33

#ask #secret santa

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hiddlesgirl · 5 years

Text

SH 317: Heavenly Fire

This was another absolutely fantastic episode! Apart from a couple of episodes 3B has been incredible. Some very emotional moments, a few action scenes with a new team up and we finally find out what is happening at the Clave. We meet Helen Blackthorn in this episode and also witness her meeting Aline; I’m excited to see their future interactions. Alec is nervously excited about his proposal, Clary discovers a truth about her childhood and Izzy takes down an old foe.

From the first moment we see Alec in this episode it is abundantly clear his is very nervous about proposing to Magnus, he is buttoning and unbuttoning his shirt because he wants to look perfect. Magnus is looking for apartments but he is sat on what has been established as Alec’s side of the bed, I love this because it implies (again) that they sleep cuddled together and that after Alec gets up Magnus moves into Alec’s space for warmth. I absolutely love seeing domestic moments like this.

Magnus notices how distracted Alec is, but Alec deflects and instead talks about being happy that Magnus is back to his old self or at least healthy. Alec is just so happy that Magnus’ life is no longer in danger that he has put the emotional side of Magnus’ suffering to the back of his mind for now, which is understandable given his mind being on proposing. He is not dismissing that there will be lasting effects of what Magnus has been through or thinking that he is fixed now, I think that he is just concentrating on Magnus’ physical health and he is excited about proposing.

Magnus is definitely not of the same mind set because he tells Alec to not get carried away and subtly raises his eyes brows doubtfully. Magnus knows that he isn’t feeling like himself and that this way of life is going to take a lot of getting used to, if ever. For Magnus nothing has really changed, he still feels depressed and he doesn’t know how to deal with everything that has happened; but he can see how happy Alec is right now after his near death experience so is putting up a brave face for him.

I love how Alec stalls when Magnus asks what the occasion for a special dinner is, and their exchange of how lucky they are to have each other. Magnus loves Alec and he appreciates Alec’s support, he views himself as lucky to have Alec love him. Alec is so in love with Magnus, he never thought he would have this and to have a man as wonderful as Magnus, he knows that he couldn’t be luckier.

Alec is looking at the family ring in the next scene, you can see how much sentimentality this ring has and how important it is to the Lightwood family; I think that Magnus would not only love the ring but would wholly appreciate the meaning behind it. I did tear up a bit when I realised that the two runes on the ring are strength and trust; not only to symbolise the people in the relationship but also the relationship itself.

Jonathan will only talk to Clary but even then he is being very evasive about his intentions with the Morningstar sword and instead is using this opportunity to try to invoke emotions in Clary in order to strengthen their bond and endear her to him.

In a flash back we find out that Jonathan didn’t know of Clary’s existence until 205 when she banished the demon from Iris’ house; it explains how obsessed with her he is because he has only known about her for a couple of months. So he is consumed with wanting to know her and he is desperate for love so he’s clinging to her with everything he has, the fact that it’s so fresh just strengthens that.

We also see just how emotionally manipulative Lilith was towards him, constantly reminding him that his father abandoned him and that his sibling would do the same. Lilith and Jonathan are very similar in this regard; they both want the person they love to love them the most, to have them to themselves.

Alec arrives in the weapons room saying that he is very busy and I want to squeal because we know that he is planning his proposal dinner, to see just how much effort he is putting into it is wonderful.

I am always in awe of Simon, he is so self sacrificing and is willing to put himself in unknown danger for the people he loves. I also love seeing Izzy and Simon teaming up, I really enjoy their friendship and I am excited to see it develop into a romantic relationship.

When Simon realises that Raphael is in the cell with him you can see his concern raise because now it’s not just himself but there is Raphael to worry about. Although Raphael has done some horrible things he is still important to both Magnus and Izzy, plus he was the one who returned Simon to Clary after Camille killed him and even though he was a pain about Simon dealing with Camille he did help Simon adjust to his new life.

Despite everything that has happened they both still care what happens to each other, Simon is clearly worried to see Raphael there and Raphael pulls Simon away from the door because he knows what is happening, trying to protect him.

I smiled so much when we hear Alec on the phone ordering roses for his dinner with Magnus, every time we see him you can see how much thought he is putting into the proposal and that it is pretty much all he can think about. Compared to him proposing to Lidia out of duty it is so heart warming to see him planning a proposal to someone he is in love with.

I like the little moment between Alec and Jace, I think that Alec needed to hear those reassurances to help settle his nerves a little and to know that his Parabatai is supporting him in this too. Plus Jace isn’t questioning his decision he just accepts it and is happy for him, he knows how much Alec loves Magnus and trusts Alec to know what is right for their relationship. Jace is just so happy that Alec has found this happiness and will support him completely.

In another flashback we see an even younger Jonathan being afraid of Lilith and begging her not to burn him, you can see how terrifying his time in Edom must have been; especially as a child. When she tells him about the sword you can see how desperate he is for someone to save him, although we know about what he did as a child (killing a werewolf and another child, Valentine wrote it in his journals) he is still a child who has been abandoned.

Again we see Lilith emotionally and physically abusing him, reinforcing that she is the only person who loves him while inflicting pain; this is probably to make him remember her words even more by associating it with physical pain. It is horrifying to see the reality of what he lived through, for what 10 years? Anyone would have lasting trauma and issues.

I think that we all collectively thought ‘not this bitch again’ when we found out that it was Aldertree who transferred Raphael; we presume this is because of Raphael’s relationship with Izzy and Aldertree being spiteful.

My heart hurts a little when Simon is trying to protect Raphael from being taken but Raphael easily accepts his fate, you can see how much he has turned back to his faith to find redemption for what he has done. He is ready to accept any and all consequences for his actions.

Izzy looking absolutely gorgeous turns up for dinner with Aldertree, she is using his affection for her in order to gain any information she can and we learn that since leaving their Institute Aldertree has only gained more power within the Clave.

He says he regrets enabling her addiction and I really want to hurl something at the screen in an attempt to hurt the piece of trash. He didn’t just enable her, he was the one who introduced her to Yin Fen in the first place, he is the reason she developed an addiction and he knows that perfectly well. He is seriously so despicable; he definitely comes a very close second to Lorenzo in ‘character I hate the most’.

I am in awe of Izzy for holding her composure and not calling him out, she holds off her anger because she needs to keep him distracted; I would not have blamed her at all for punching him right there in the middle of the dining hall.

My heart is breaking when we learn that Clary used to have nightmares about a Prince in a burning tower, she has multiple drawings of this nightmare in various skill levels so it is clear that she was having this dreams from a young age and for a long time. To find out that these were visions of her brother, that they were happening and that she was seeing his reality is devastating.

She feels guilty for not being able to save him, she feels that she was supposed to have saved him and that it is her fault that he lived there for so long. She believes that if she had saved him he might be a different person, he could have been her brother and he might not have done all these terrible things. You can see the internal conflict she is having with her hate of what he has done and her reluctant care for her brother; also realising that the suffering boy she dreamt about is the man she helped imprison.

You can really see the beginning of her becoming more compassionate towards Jonathan, she has always been conflicted because they are siblings but to be faced with the reality of what he lived through she can see why he has become so twisted. She wants to believe that there is more in him than darkness.

Jace says that she couldn’t have changed him because it was too late but I don’t know if that is true. We know that he has had very skewed morals form the beginning, partly Valentine, partly his mixed blood and later partly because of Lilith; we cannot blame how he is on the demon blood because there is a whole community of people with demon blood and the majority of them are good. So to say that it would have been impossible to help and change him seems too black and white; if Jonathan had spent less time with Lilith and had experienced healthy love from Clary (and possibly Jocelyn) he may not have become so violent and they could have helped him be better.

I’m not saying that he could have become perfect if he hadn’t of lived with Lilith, but I think it is narrow sighted to believe that he is completely evil and that some love and understanding couldn’t have changed him for the better.

We can see three examples of the difference that nurture has; Clary who is a Morgenstern but was raise by Jocelyn and Luke, she has a good moral compass and is well adjusted; Jace who was raised partially by Valentine and the Lightwoods, he is a good person but you can see the pieces of darkness in the ideals of Valentine’s that he hung onto (answering yes and no when asked if he believed in Valentine’s quest to destroy the Downworld); and Jonathan who was raised by Valentine and then Lilith, he has a skewed moral compass and no comprehension of the line between platonic and romantic love.

To say that Jonathan is who he is purely because of how he was born is completely ignorant to the environments that he grew up in; if Clary or Jace had experienced what Jonathan had then they would be different people too.

Also, Jace holds nothing but contempt for Jonathan and although I completely understand why I think that it is a mistake for him to not try to understand Clary’s feelings and see where she is coming from. You can see that she is starting to question how she sees Jonathan and how she feels about him, and having Jace constantly adamant about how evil he is, is only going to drive her towards him faster. Clary is more likely to go to Jonathan’s side more quickly if she believes that no one is even trying to understand her view, at the end of the day he is her brother and it is completely understandable that she is conflicted about her feelings towards him.

I love Magnus’ outfit; that gorgeous red shirt and the collar pin are beautiful, plus he’s wearing that awesome belt again (from 2x18 and 3x14). It breaks my heart when he finds the grey hair because it’s physical proof that he can and is ageing now, it is a physical manifestation of his mortality. You can see the full realisation wash over him and you know that it is going to cause him to spiral which is completely understandable; he hasn’t been able to process losing his magic yet so to be faced with proof of his mortality is a huge blow.

I am so happy for Raphael because he seems absolutely ecstatic that he is human again, however Iris feels very differently saying they stole her ‘very soul’. I like that we got both ends of the spectrum here; for some, most likely vampires and warlocks who are infected, becoming human again could be a gift and something they want; but for others, most likely warlocks and seelies who were born with demon blood, it is taking away a huge part of who they are and their identity.

We learn that Aldertree plans to release the serum into the New York water supply to ‘cure’ all Downworlders without their consent; this is absolutely shocking because while I am glad that my theory about them turning Downworlders into mundanes was true I did not imagine that they would be willing to use it on civilians against their will.

Iris remarks that she would rather have a quick death then live 50 years without magic, I like this because we are getting perspective from another warlock of just how important magic is and how big a part of them it is; they feel completely lost without. It helps us understand Magnus a bit more and shows that it isn’t just his reaction to the situation but magic really is that pivotal to all warlocks.

I also like that Raphael understands her view point, even though he is happy and it is a good thing for him he understands that for her it is a gross violation. I like this because if Raphael and Magnus interact while Magnus is still mundane then it shows that Raphael is going to be compassionate and is not going to try to convince Magnus that it is a good thing. I really hope we get some Magnus and Raphael scenes soon because they are family and it is a little ridiculous that with all they have been through that we haven’t seen them support each other.

Helen has learned about Aldertree’s plans from Izzy and is completely distraught that she has been helping him; she thought she was doing a good thing by rehabilitating prisoners but now she knows she was furthering an agenda that would have wiped out one side of her heritage. She asks them to help her stop him, she cannot allow him to turn Downworlders against their will; and I love the team up that happens. I love Helen, Simon and Raphael being complete badasses taking down the guards.

I absolutely love Raphael’s line ‘I may have lost my strength but I’ll never lose my will to fight’; I think that it is quite empowering because I know that a lot of people, including myself sometimes, don’t feel like they have the strength to deal with things but that doesn’t mean they lose the will to fight.

Helen gives Simon the vials of the serum that are in the lab, the only vials left after the explosion, she wants him to use them to really help someone; she doesn’t want what she has done to all be for bad. She wants something positive to come out of the horror Aldertree created.

It is clear that Aldertree is completely blinded by his own personal experiences; he believes that not only would Shadowhunters thank him for eradicating the Downworld but that the Downworlders would thank him too. He is so immersed in his opinion that demon blood is a poison that he doesn’t see how wrong it is to change someone without their consent; he doesn’t see that what he is planning to do is the same as deruning a Shadowhunter.

I was cheering when Izzy punched and took him down; I think I can say that we have all been waiting for someone to take him down pretty much since we met him and I am glad that it was Izzy.

I really liked Helen and Aline’s first meeting, it was tentative curiosity and maybe a bit of mutual attraction. You can see that they both admire the other and I am very excited to see how they will continue to interact and begin to develop a relationship.

Simon took 6 vials of serum back to the Institute; now, Izzy has to use at least one to test it, then one or two to break the twinning rune, that leaves at least three other vials. I think that Luke may willingly take the serum to become mundane. We saw in one of the trailers that his eyes and veins were glowing like those who have had the serum; maybe he takes it so to escape from the Praetor because he is part of their organisation out of necessity not choice.

Maybe Simon uses one? Although he is a Daylighter now he never wanted to be a vampire and this is his chance to reverse that (plus I know that in the books he does become a Shadowhunter right?). I’m not sure but there are three more vials up for grabs.

Izzy says that Aldertree will be prosecuted and I hope that we get confirmation of that and how severe it was. Plus, Raphael and the other new mundanes may have their sentences changed as compensation for what was done to them; so hopefully we will be seeing Raphael sooner rather than later (crossing my fingers for a Magnus and Raphael scene, maybe Magnus will be the one to greet him coming back from the Gard?).

Alec leaves to prepare for his dinner with Magnus and I love the little knowing look he shares with Jace who is sending him silent support and encouragement. I really like Izzy’s confused look because she knows that something is going on and doesn’t like being left out of the loop (I wonder if she will find out what Alec was planning to do considering it actually didn’t happen).

I love that Jace pats Simon on the shoulder as he and Clary leave to see Jonathan; with the antagonistic relationship they have it is great to see Jace actually give some positive gesture to Simon in appreciation for what he did. I really wanted to see a friendship grow between them but the bickering is fun too.

I really like the Sizzy scene because you can see that they are starting to see each other in a different light; the most important thing to both of them is the welfare of those they care about. To see Simon risk everything has really opened Izzy’s eyes, not that she didn’t appreciate him before but this has started to change how she views him. I think that they would have a great romantic relationship because they have a wonderful friendship as a foundation, they have very similar values and they have a strong bond of trust. I am excited.

Jonathan is devastated to learn that they may have found a way to break the twinning rune; he holds so much reverence for it because it connects him to Clary in such a deep way that he cannot fathom losing that. You can see Clary struggling with his show of emotion and her own conflict too.

Jace talks about everything Jonathan has done which hardens Clary’s resolve to disconnect them, it’s almost like Jonathan exists as two people inside her head; the one who killed many Shadowhunters, hurt Max and kidnapped her; and the one who she saw burning in her dreams and yearns for her love. She keeps swinging between the two and is finding it difficult to gel those views into one person.

Luke’s acting in this scene is amazing, to see Jonathan completely lose hope and break down; my heart hurt at his words of Lilith being right and begging Clary not to leave him. In that moment you could really see the boy who was abandoned by his parents and was reaching out for the love of his sister.

Oh my god. Okay. The end scene. It absolutely destroyed me.

I started tearing up seeing how much effort Alec has put into this dinner; the fairy lights, the roses, he dressed up and my heart swells to see that he has the ring sat on a plate full of rose petals. It is amazing to see how much thought he has put into this for someone he loves with his entire heart compared to Season 1 when he proposed out of duty.

Not only is Magnus late but he is drunk too, I knew this wasn’t going to go well but my heart starts hurting immediately. I hurt for Magnus who is clearly not coping with losing his magic and for Alec who has put all this effort into a perfect proposal.

Magnus once again expresses how useless he feels without his magic, all his life he has been able to help people but now he is struggling to find a purpose and feels unable to be helpful because he cannot do all the things he used to be able to, especially when it comes to those he cares about. When he talks about Alec’s position it isn’t because he is jealous, he is lashing out because he is drunk and upset; plus he is pointing out why Alec cannot understand what he feels right now because of the differences in their positions of power.

My heart breaks when Magnus says ‘I’m mundane now like you always wanted’, he knows that Alec would never force him to become mortal just because he wants them to grow old together but he is hurting and when you’re hurting you tend to hurt those you love so that they can understand a fraction of what you are feeling. I’m not saying it is right but it is understandable.

Alec is definitely taken aback by Magnus’ behaviour, he has never seen Magnus like this before; drunk, angry and lashing out. It is a shock to him to see Magnus this way and to be on the receiving end of it. Also he has gone a complete turnaround emotionally which isn’t helping, he went from happy, nervous and excited to concerned and upset.

It also shocks him to hear Magnus say that he isn’t happy; he knew that magic was important but to so blatantly hear that Magnus isn’t happy is a blow because Alec himself was feeling so happy. As I said earlier, Alec’s relief over Magnus’ physically health and excitement about proposing kinda eclipsed everything else including thinking about Magnus’ mental state. I am not trying to criticise him, I completely understand why he got so swept up in his elation; it was a failing in both of them, Alec for not asking about how Magnus’ is coping, and Magnus for not telling Alec that he is struggling. But neither of them are to blame or are in the wrong here.

Magnus continues to break my heart when he pleads with Alec, he knows that how he feels could last a lifetime and he cannot bear to be made to feel like it will pass; he cannot bear to have it dismissed as a phase. He needs Alec to understand and acknowledge the severity and possible longevity of his depression. I think this was an incredibly important moment as a viewer because it really shows how people who suffer with depression feel, they don’t know how long this feeling will last and people telling them it’s a phase makes them feel worse.

I cannot express how much the last moments hurt, Magnus doesn’t want to break down in front of Alec because even now he struggles being vulnerable in front of him, especially now when he feels so completely estranged from himself and so low. He doesn’t want Alec to see the worst of him.

Alec begs Magnus to let him be there for him, he wants to help him but he knows that he can’t and failing that he wants Magnus to be able to be vulnerable with him, to be able to break down and show him all these emotions that he is feeling. He doesn’t want Magnus to hide how much he is suffering and is determined to show Magnus that he is there for him no matter what and there is no part of him that Alec doesn’t love.

The way Magnus’ voice breaks absolutely shatters my heart, I am sobbing as he clings to Alec and starts crying. You can see how much he needs to let these feelings out and he needs Alec’s support he just didn’t want to ask for it because he is so used to being independent and being the one to help others, he still finds it incredibly difficult to ask for help even from Alec.

I think this is the moment that Alec truly understands the severity and magnitude of Magnus’ suffering, to have such a strong person completely break down is a shock and you see him reeling from it. This is going to be a turning point for Alec because he now knows how deep Magnus’ depression is and he’s going to do anything he can to help him.

Are you ok after that? Nope, me neither. *sobs*

Okay, so, this was an amazing episode; I know that I didn’t talk about some scenes but sometimes they are so self explanatory that there really is nothing for me to say, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t like and enjoy them (as you know I am not afraid of saying when I don’t like something).

I really liked seeing a deeper insight into Jonathan’s past; I loved the Helen, Simon and Raphael team up; I am excited to see more of Helen; Sizzy is beginning; Clary is really starting to show conflict about Jonathan; and Malec absolutely shattered my heart, again.

Next episode Asmodeus is up to something, Halloween is afoot and Clary looks to be joining her brother.

Now, as for what we saw in the promo for 318 I am very scared about the Asmodeus and Alec interaction because there are so many ways it could go and the Edom angst could come about;

1. Alec accepts the deal and breaks up with Magnus.

2. He asks for a different deal, and who knows what he would offer or Asmodeus would ask for because we know that Alec would sacrifice anything for Magnus.

3. He could refuse and walk away.

Plus there’s Lilith to think about, she said she was returning to Edom with Cain but we don’t know for sure that, that is what she did. I think that she may be on Earth somewhere because why would she willingly return to Edom where Asmodeus has her under his thumb and Jonathan can easily find her? I think that she may be involved in the Edom angst because of her situation with Asmodeus and she knows it was caused by him taking Magnus’ powers.

1. She could take Magnus to use as a bargaining chip.

2. She could offer Magnus a deal, help her and he gets his magic back.

3. She could offer Alec a deal.

I just have a gut feeling that Lilith will be involved. The whole situation is made more terrifying because there are multiple possible ways it could happen.

#Shadowhunters Review #Heavenly Fire #Shadowhunters #SH 317 Review #SH3x17 #Shadowhunters 317 #SH 3x17 Review #SH317 #SH 316 #SH 3x17 #Shadowhunters 3x17 #I know #the next episode has alread aired #again #I haven't watched it #i always watch it on netflix tuesday nights

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