#i am a humble meta writer

[the-doctor-needs-a-river]

So, going into this tentatively because there are a lot of strong feelings going around.

People are so traumatised (and validly so) about queer/disabled character deaths from shows with horrible representation and queerbaiting that this has become almost the automatic response to the death of any queer/disabled character. In a lot of situations (cough cough spn etc.) this is absolutely the case.

HOWEVER.

What people are missing is that this doesn't apply to a show in the context where multiple characters are (respectfully) represented as disabled (Lucius, Ed, Jackie, Wee John, Prince Ricky) and nearly every single character is queer. The beauty of the intention here is that a queer/disabled character gets to just be a character. There's no tokenisation there. So when a character like this in this kind of context dies, it's just a character death.

Because of good representation, there is no malice in the death.

Add into this the fact that the death makes perfect narrative sense when viewed through the larger narrative lense of the main point of this season being Ed's emotional arc, it's actually very good story telling (can go deeper into this if requested). That's not saying that it doesn't hurt or that it doesn't feel unfair: that's what good story telling is supposed to do.

I think it's easy to, especially after the first 2 episodes of s2, try and villainise Ed, but I think that's a narrow understanding of what was going on. Yes, Ed was physically abusive to Izzy and the crew, but people overlook the fact that Izzy was emotionally abusive to Ed when he was in an incredibly vulnerable state, which was ultimately the catalyst for the events of S2ep1-2. They both did wrong and both deserved/needed to give apologies; there was no innocent party between them, a fact that Izzy acknowledges multiple times. That's why the parallel to S1ep10 ("there he is") was so beautiful and devastating because it was an understanding of wrongdoing on both parts and an acceptance that they no longer fit together.

Like Izzy said, THEY were Blackbeard, and Blackbeard needed to die for Ed to be able to move on and truly be himself - think the shift from ep 2 to 3 where Ed didn't want to die, he just didn't want to live being Blackbeard but had been convinced there wasn't any alternative. That was the overarching theme of Ed's arc and what Izzy was acknowledging in his final moments.

When you think about it this way, Izzy's death has been foreshadowed as a narrative necessity from the very beginning of the series. With this in mind, the journey that he goes on in the meantime goes above and beyond the acceptance of Ed's vulnerability that we needed to see for them to get to this point; we also see Izzy find his own vulnerability and strength within his found family and identity. THEY DIDN'T NEED TO DO THIS. They gave us this because they also love Izzy and wanted to give his character as much love as possible in the time up until his purpose as a device for Ed's character arc came.

And ultimately, this is what separates Izzy from Ed and Stede - his primary purpose has always been as a character based narrative device to challenge Ed. The fact that so many people love him in his own right is amazing but this has always been his main purpose. Of course he has intervals of brilliant character ingenuity and growth of his own, especially in this new series, but this is exactly what I'm talking about when I say we've been gifted this when we didn't need to be. Does that make the loss sting even more now that we've had it? Of course it does but that's the point. They went so above and beyond with him this series because they saw the potential in his character and Con's fantastic performances, and because they love him as much as we do. But the point still stands that he served the purpose of the character and device that he was always set out to be from the very beginning.

We know from dj that this was all very intentional and, although the analogy used can potentially be questioned, he stuck to his intended trope and executed it with dignity and beautiful parallels.

I guess I'm just saying that it makes me sad to see good writing be misinterpreted, but I completely get where the trauma response is coming from. I would hate to see us get into a situation where we lose this kind of amazing representation because writers are too scared of potential backlash to take the chance of including it when what has been interpreted wasn't narratively intended.

As always, this is written with respect, love and no ill intentions and everyone is entitled to their own thoughts ❤️

[overrgrown]

stray my stand in thoughts in no particular order (e1-7 spoilers) ~

sorry it's long lmao I have a lot of jumbled thoughts that I need to yell about so this is me screaming into the void

Joe being used as a stand in by ming and tong is very telling

ming honestly doesn't act like a spoiled rich brat. he's occasionally entitled, but he's very polite to staff and he genuinely cares for his sister.

I don't think that ming wants to hurt his sister. he wants tong to choose him instead of his sister so that he can break her heart instead and then ming isn't to blame

idk if ming was ever trying to be subtle to Joe about what he was to him. he flat out told him he was a stand in (just didn't mention for who)

Joe getting a second chance at a maternity figure only to have her immediately fall into major trouble and then health issues has got to be triggering the fuck out of Joe rn

do we find out where Joe 2.0's spirit is at all? and what happened to OG Joe's body??

jfc poom is so pretty I can't focus

ik sol and ming are more than likely gonna become friends at some point but my messy ass would LOVE to see them be bitter bitches to the end with each other

where did ming get the chain....?

it's making me so fucking sad that Joe is falling back into his previous direct footsteps bc of his situation and its literally all he knows to do. same people, same habits, same mannerisms, same career, everything

he has an opportunity to completely rebrand and live his life without being under ming's thumb but he is consciously choosing to stay around him. why? what is so alluring about the person who used and emotionally cheated on you for who knows how long and then drunkenly called you the target of his actual affections????

Joe is not only too humble. I think he genuinely doesn't think he deserves better. this life is all he's ever known and he's never had the stones to try and improve himself and get his own life

his job is literally to be a nameless, faceless body double who does the work for a person who gets to take all the credit

(not that I'm shit talking real stunt doubles. y'all are the core of my fave action movies and ily)

but it says a lot about Joe's character and how passive he is usually and it's so interesting to me that he's the big risk taker when it comes to his stunts but he's too scared to make a move to improve his life or branch out on his own

those inconsiderate little bitches. you can't just add a character willy nilly to an already finished script. it'll throw off the whole movie and that's way more work for the writers

yo that hesitation at Joe not being able to break those mugs???? I felt it physically that was GOOD FUCKING ACTING

sol has never done anything wrong in his life he could murder someone in front of me in cold blood and I would help him cover it up

I would come out to sol i trust him with my party drink I'll go to war for him

damn bro how the hell did Joe get roped into being a stand in for HIMSELF that's some meta shit right there. like how is this not just self harm bc that's what it seems like to me

tharn? that's a new name. will we meet him?

ming's condo being green and gold like Joe's old house I am chewing on fucking concrete

OH THE MIRROR SWIPE THE HARSH REMINDER THAT HE IS IN ANOTHER BODY AND THAT HE IS USING THAT BODY AS A STAND IN FOR HIMSELF AND THAT HE NOT ONLY SOLD HIMSELF TO MING BUT HE SOLD JOE 2.0'S BODY GOD THAT WAS *chefs kiss*

is the backception here that ming is kissing Joe 2.0's back bc it reminds him of OG Joe or because it reminds him of Joe reminding him of tong hmmmmmmmmm either way: seek help babe you have a problem

the juicy juicy parallel of ming waking up to an empty pillow I'm gulping this shit down like water this is my life blood rn thank you for the delicious meal

i am not immune to the mesh shirt

AHA I THINK I JUST MET THARN

Update: I am correct

JOE'S ACCIDENT WAS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT?!?!?!?!? holy fuck bro

I thought I was going to hate ming a lot more when I started this bc I have a lot of manipulation trauma but I kind of.... get him

how old is tharn supposed to be bc he looks 16 and it's unsettling

I knew we couldn't trust that twink

YAS BABE YOU LOSE YOUR SHIT YOU YELL YOU GET MAD YOU TELL PEOPLE TO FUCK OFF YOU KICK THARN OUT OF YOUR ROOM DESERVE TO UNHINGE YOURSELF A BIT

ming is about to step off the edge I can feel it this man is about to overflow and drown everyone around him in his search for Joe

"tOng PlaYed tHe scENe hImsELF" oh so tong has always been a piece of shit got it

shut the fuck up why am I actually getting emotional over ming realizing that his Joe is the one in front of him and that it's been him all along

but on another note I am going to pound him into the cement for interrupting that shoot I hope the footage wasn't ruined by ming's emo ass

the back hug with the clear JOE though and comparing it to their first meeting?? stupendous no notes

up is going in a bubble I am kissing his forehead he acted the fuck outta that last scene MWAH

[lucysarah-c]

What do you think about Levi not mentioning Farlan and Isabel throughout the anime? They were literally his first real friends and family. Even in their deaths he was frustrated. But strangely we don't see any flashback scenes about them or Levi talking about them. It's obviously disturbing to me.

I have an Oc an underground childhood friend that I ship with Levi in particular and I didn't write their story down, but it makes me think that if my character was in danger or if she died with Farlan and Isabel or if she ended up dying long after their deaths, Levi would never remember her or talk about her, just like Farlan and Isabel's deaths, and that bothers me.

I know it's a bit strange to get this kind of analysis-like question since you are a Levi writer's blog. But since I love your writings and I really liked and found comfort in your answer to anon's question about whether Levi likes weak people. Because I am also a person who gets caught up in rumors and doubts whether Levi will like us or not haha.

Anyway, I don't want to deviate too much from the subject and make it too weird. You can answer question if you want.

Hi, sweetie! Oh, I see. Yes, I understand where you're coming from. First of all, I'd like to thank you for saying that you love my writing, and I'm so happy you found comfort in my answer about Levi and a "weak person." It's alright that we get lost in what the fandom discusses too frequently; it has happened to me too. And do not worry, rest assured, I don't find these "analysis questions" weird at all. Though my analysis will never be as good as my close friends', like my friend Sushi who used to have a meta-analysis blog of SnK or Cosmic! They are beyond amazing.

But to answer your question, before I get lost in my thoughts, long story short, Isayama is extremely bad at writing emotional connections in my humble opinion. In my personal group chat with my SnK close friends, we discuss this in great detail at least twice per week haha. In my opinion, Isayama is a writer or a storyteller who struggles to find a balance between keeping the plot going and creating a cohesive society and interrelationships between characters. I personally think that the story was always advancing so fast, full gas, no stop, that we hardly got any real details about the characters that made them human beyond their mere roles in the story.

I always use as an example, if one chapter in the manga or anime started with different panels of the veterans getting ready and sitting down all together for a meeting, we could have seen how their personal chambers were, how their interactions were not only between them aside the presence of the cadets, but we could have also seen how they confront early mornings, if they had paintings of loved ones, flowers on their desks, etc. It would have taken ... 5-10 pages at most, and we could have learned so much. It's something I even keep in mind while planning my own stories; I have an entire notebook of "backstory" for all the characters of Holy Ground, canon or not. So when the time comes around, I can drop little details of their lives here and there because... Let's be honest, has someone ever sat down next to you and said "here, let me tell you my whole life"? No, usually, you get to know someone organically, and that's also what, in my opinion, should happen in stories.

Now, going back to why Levi doesn't talk about Farlan and Isabel. Well, my best answer to you is, sadly, another question. Tell me one scene in the whole anime or manga where Levi was having some quality time with someone he felt comfortable enough to open up and talk about fond memories, be vulnerable, or even crack a joke about some silly hormonal stuff he did as a young man with Farlan. Tell me, I will wait... Haha.

Levi doesn't talk about Farlan or Isabel because he doesn't have screen time to talk about almost anything besides the plot moving haha. I would put my hands on a burning fire and swear that Farlan and Isabel are still extremely important to Levi! And so would be your OC! Don't let Isayama's literary limitations fence your story. That's my best advice; explore feelings that he didn't have the production time for (perhaps he wasn't allowed to write about it because of financial stuff) or he simply wasn't good at it.

Hope that helps!

Love ya!

[sitp-recs]

Sitp Essentials - Fandomversary Edition: Writcraft

June marks the 12th (!!!) fandomversary of this incredibly talented and generous author, whose work has brought me so much joy and healing over the years. What an accomplishment, my friend! I know I’m not only speaking for myself when I say that we are so very grateful for your presence and immense contributions to the HP fandom. I’m a bit wary of taking on long-term projects these days but I really wanted to do something to celebrate this milestone so I’ve decided that, during the month of June (and there was no better month to celebrate in! 🏳️‍🌈) I’ll be posting single recs for 12 of my favourite fics by @writcraft. Some are older recs, written in the blog’s early days, some are brand new, highlighting rare pairs, hidden gems and recent works. I won’t have a rigid schedule because I don’t wanna set myself up for failure so the rec posts will be a surprise even for me 🤣 I hope you guys enjoy them just as much!

Anyone who knows me well is aware that I’m very shy around my fandom heroes and will rarely initiate any kind of conversation with them. I was so anxious about being perceived that I wouldn't even tag them when I created the blog. Writ holds even more power in my imaginary fandom altar because they’ve written one of my all-time favorite fics. I found Little Compton Street aka the “Life on Mars Love Story Told in 3 Acts” at a difficult time of my life when I was almost leaving fandom for good. But getting to read LCS and to fall in love with those magical London spots and captivating characters was a beautiful transformative experience that altered me completely. This fic not only had a profound impact on my ever changing self-awareness as a queer person, it checked my many fic reading boxes, and pulled at my heartstrings in all the right ways. I've learned so much from LCS; it is an ode to queer history, a love letter to all of those who came and fought before us, and to all of those who were killed, erased and forgotten in the process. It is is a story filled with hope and a compassionate reminder urging us to always resist, and never forget.

*at a loss of words*

(…)

As you can see, I always get immersed in my feels when I think about LCS and I know it will always have a special place in my heart. This feeling of profound gratitude and joy for Writ’s formative works is what inspired me to do this humble homage. Am I a bit nervous about not having enough fuel to see this through? Hell yes. But I’m opening myself to the possibility of failure because I know this is for someone who’s unfailingly kind and compassionate. Writ, I admire you deeply as a writer and even more so as a person. Your contributions to the HP fandom through fics, fests and meta over the years have been immense, and I know your RL contributions to the queer community and its memory have been just as impactful. Happy 12th Fandomversary, my friend! For someone who’s been reading your words since 2012, it feels incredibly special to finally get to share this space with you. 🏳️‍🌈💜

[betterbooktitles]

RIP Paul Auster. Here's a short piece about a time he came into my bookstore:

For a while, I've been hearing a lot of chatter about my first humor book How Not to Read: Harnessing the Power of a Literature-Free Life. No, I don't mean that I've been reading book reviews on Goodreads or the twisted rantings of my internet stalker. I've been hearing the hype (or underwhelmed sighs) about my book firsthand. I've been listening to customers from my semi-incognito perch behind the counter of an independent bookstore.

To all writers who want to know what people really think about their work, I can't recommend working as an incognito author-bookseller enough.

With a title like How Not to Read, I expected some vitriol from customers who misunderstood the concept. I thought 18 to 35-year-olds would especially love it but for a generation defined by its penchant for irony, we sure do know how to not take a joke. For the most part, people much younger than I am are the ones most offended. I hear little children with pained, screechy voices asking their mothers: "Why would someone write this?" to which the mothers reply "I don't know sweetie," as if informing the kids about death for the first time. Another favorite is hearing a sixteen-year-old say "who would do this?" over and over with the type of outrage reserved only for political candidates who claim Barack Obama wasn't born in the United States. The answer is "I would" but I keep it to myself. I want to see how far it goes. I keep waiting for someone to impulsively tear the book to shreds. That's how mad some people sound.

But most people who read a lot, get it. They come into the store, they laugh at the cover, the very concept of a guide to helping people read less is funny! It tickles them. They flip through the book and laugh and laugh and laugh, then put the book down and promptly leave the store without buying it.

"Wait!" I yell, "What didn't sell you on this book?" (I'm careful not to reveal who I am at these moments).

"Well," the person responds, "I'm just not in the mood to laugh right now." Not in the mood… to laugh? I wouldn't want to see this person at a restaurant: the waiter comes to the table and says "How were your appetizers?" and this person responds: "you know, food just isn't my thing…" I thought everyone was in the mood to laugh, but this was one of my many misconceptions about readers before working in a bookstore.

I've been working in this store for about a year, during which time I've spent countless hours talking about my own book, trying my hardest not to tell every person who enters the store that I wrote it lest I lose my ability to observe the impartial reaction of customers. Tip to published writers, though: if you can hand your own book to a customer and say "this is my book and you should buy it," people usually do. Most of the time they buy the book because they're excited to tell people they've met you, and sometimes they buy the book because you made it very awkward for them to leave the store without doing so. Keep eye-contact. Don't show fear. Always be closing.

Deciding when and when not to be the incognito author has many humbling benefits. Though the big lesson it teaches you most first-time authors are already know: the number one review of your book won't be a petulant rant. Your number one review will be silence. People will walk in, they'll read ten pages of your book, and without so much as an indecisive "hmm" they will disregard your book forever. As Oscar Wilde said: “There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” I'll take the petulant rant any day over nothing.

At the risk of this essay becoming like If on a winter’s night a traveler, the more I sell my book in secret, the more my real life mimics a Paul Auster-y meta-literary detective novel where I keep spying on people to figure out who will like the author (me) the most. It keeps getting weirder and weirder. People who have read the book now come in quoting a particular joke they didn’t like, then stand staring at me without laughing. I laugh uncomfortably to break the tension, but they refuse to crack a smile. Sometimes, I picture the future author version of me walking into the store while Current Dan is working as a bookseller. I see Future Me looking at the book nostalgically and saying “eh, this wasn’t my best!” then leaving me behind the counter alone to cope with what just happened.

The closest story I have to this Auster-esque fantasy is when the real-life Paul Auster came into the store the day of the book’s release. He leaned on the counter, aviators still on, and said: "How Not to Read, huh?" He was laughing! Laughing at the very idea of my book’s existence. Paul Auster gets it.

I took a sharp breath in. The owners of the store were so excited about my book that they gave me the entire front window for a day to promote the book. The same bright red cover in 8 by 8 rows and columns. I was suddenly embarrassed that I had published a book at all, and frightened that my literary hero might actually page through it in front of me. 

Then I remembered I had something to tell him.

“Paul!” I watched as he took off his sunglasses. I had his full attention. “I originally had a section in this book that parodied the New York Trilogy, and you yourself were in it," I said excitedly. Then, before I could stop myself, I saw the words pour out of my mouth while my brain screamed ‘DAN. Don’t!’ I let this out:

“The editor suggested we cut it because no one would get the reference."

I watched Paul grimace. He pushed himself off the counter and put his aviators back on. “And that's why you never listen to editors!" he announced before abruptly walking out the door.

If I have any advice for a writer, it is this: spend ten years as an editor for other people while you work on your own stuff. You’ll get used to looking at words on paper as malleable and in need of repair. Maybe after a decade of cold perusals through the work of a stranger, you'll be able to whittle down your own work into a readable form. After that, spend another decade selling your published books in person at an indie bookstore. Twenty years in, you won't take anything personally. You'll be so used to rejection and snide comments, you’ll be impervious to criticism.

My only other advice is if you meet your hero during any stage of your literary development, don’t tell him he was cut from your book because he isn’t famous enough.

Subscribe for more fun pieces about bookselling and the like!

[96percentdone]

When looking at games with obvious metafiction elements in their stories, you always see this "deny and condemn the meta" response crop up. In Undertale/DeltaRune I think it's a relatively small scale phenomenon; most people over there are obsessed with the meta, if maybe in a way that's divorced from the text of games, but you still see people determined to wish it away? And it just got me thinking about why that is. What is it about metafiction that makes people so angry they want it gone?

I'm saving my analysis of Nirvana Initiative for the essay, but the backlash there has a lot in common with the response to NDRv3. New Dangan Ronpa v3 is a Dangan Ronpa title about Dangan Ronpa. In typical DR fashion, the meta-commentary is in your face, and at least half the fanbase fucking hates it. There is a loud contingent of DR fans who constantly complain about chapter 6, and how it ruined the entire series by making everything that came before it including the HPA saga unimportant and not real, and they try super hard to negate it, and when they can't, they just criticize the game even harder. That used to be me too! I used to be unbearable back then, but you can find old posts on this blog of me poking holes in it as an in universe plot element/mystery solution, or criticizing its inclusion of a mean-spirited audience depiction that reads like a criticism of the actual DR fanbase, or for wasting my time and telling me I shouldn't care.

But that last one is what I think lies at the heart of it. A lot of the criticisms of the meta for all the titles I mentioned boils down to this: people, or at least gamers, really chafe against metafiction because to them being reminded it's fiction is the same as being told 'it's not real so you should not care. I am wasting your time.' They get really attached to the characters, and the story--they get immersed in the world like it is as real as the PC they play it on, and then they are reminded that it's just a video game, and that hurts. It feels like getting trampled on. I know when I first played v3 I felt the same way.

I understand where this response comes from, but I have since grown up a little. I still believe that the execution of v3's meta needed revision, but the way I used to talk about it, and the way many of its detractors still do, is unearned. Kodaka is not a subtle writer about communicating his thesis. "Even if something is a lie, even if it's fiction.... If it has the power to change the world, then it must contain some kind of truth." It was just a story, with characters in a scripted plot constructed by writers and developers, but you cared about the illusion as though it were real life, right? You got attached to characters, invested in the plot, you cried or laughed or screamed--it spoke to you. "Was this lie able to change something? Was this lie able to change someone? If it was able to change even the smallest thing......Then the story isn't over." Fiction will always matter because it did something, however small, for wonderfully real you. All it evoked, every thought and feeling and comment and criticism, everything that story meant to you lives within your visceral beating heart.

All narratives are a humble wish that you leave changed if only in a tiny way. Metafiction is just a tool. It calls to you, makes you think about the work as fiction, so creators can speak directly to you about art. How do you engage with it? What are you getting when you do so? What is it about art that draws us in time and time again? I love metafiction because I love art. I love all the ways it provokes something in people; I think it's magical beyond compare. That's why I write! Art is a gift from the artist/s to their audience. What does that gift mean to you?

[deathinfeathers]

Guidelines

Introduction

Hello and welcome to my humble RP blog! You can call me Cinna (they/them Pronouns please), your friendly neighborhood autism creature who exclusively writes fucked up pieces of flaming garbage! I am in my mid twenties with a solid fifteen-ish years of writing experience under my belt. If spending the brunt of my mortal existence on tumblr has taught me anything it is the importance of curating your online experience to the best of your ability so we are very much private and selective in this neck of the woods! Before you engage with the characters you will find lurking on this blog, please make sure that you are not a child! All children will be corralled into the pit and made to fight to the death for my own, personal amusement! Thank you!

I am exceptionally mentally ill and will run and hide for weeks on end for literally no reason whatsoever! I am sorry I am hard to get a hold of OOC! Being perceived terrifies me but I love you all the same!

Content warnings

On this blog you may find mentions/implications (but no graphic depictions) of the following:

Child exploitation and grooming, CSA, SA, r*pe, suicide

You may find graphic depictions of the following:

Religous themes, systematic religous brainwashing, child soldiers, internalized misogyny, blood, gore, violence, abuse, fetishization of death and murder, cannibalism, torture, toxic and abusive relationships (work/romantic/familial), substance abuse, sexual themes and settings, sex as a coping mechanism, mental illness, PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks, stockholm syndrome, (fictional) hate speech, death, kidnapping, stalking, body horror, religious abuse and torture, cult-ish themes and settings, hard drug use, suicidal ideation, self harm

This blog is, in a big way, dedicated to the in-depth exploration of many uncomfortable topics. Keep this in mind before you follow.

Roleplay etiquette

This should go without saying but please refrain from godmodding/taking control over my character in our interactions, this includes auto hitting in violent/confrontational situations. No info-modding or meta-gaming, your character should not be able to glean information out of any internal dialog unless they can straight up read minds (in which case I would like to be made aware of this power beforehand). Remember that the muse and her values and behaviors are not a reflection of the writer. I do not agree with or condone 90% of the things that she says and does--her actions are not to be glorified or romanticized, Lute is absolutely meant to be viewed as a villain.

Interactions

Friends/mains will always take priority when it comes to threads--some of you may find this unfair but RP is a hobby and I reserve the right to engage with it In whatever way is most fun and fulfilling for myself. Don't let this discourage you from approaching if you have a plot in mind or sending in memes/starters. I'm happy to run with all sorts of stories and scenarios granted I'm given an idea to work off of. That being said, I am incredibly disorganized so threads have a tendency to slip through the cracks, don't be afraid to (politely) remind me of our interaction when this happens. I will reblog memes somewhat regularly but OOC plotting is my personal preference. I tend to struggle scrounging up enough motivation for threads with no clear direction. Lute is a character who shines the most when she is acting as an obstacle or an uplifting force to the people around her. She thrives poorly in slice-of-life type of scenarios, please keep this in mind.

Fight scenes

As a general rule, I won't write figh scenes with sinner muses. Lute isn't somebody that mortal souls are meant to be able to fight off—as the first lieutenant of the heavenly host she wouldn't be much of a threat if she sat around their power level. This isn't something I see myself budging on unless you have very solid reasoning for why you think your sinner could take her on. Same goes for the hellborn, lower class angels and humans. That being said, if your muse (sinner/human/anyone weaker than Lute) goes out of their way to taunt or harass her she will respond with violence. Keep this in mind before you go pushing her buttons.

Shipping

Ah, shipping, the magical thing which makes the rpc go 'round! Lute is not easy to ship with, like, at all! I wouldn't call her unshippable necessarily but you must be aware that she is an incredibly twisted and broken individual, ergo, any relationship she finds herself being a part of is at major risk of becoming unbalanced and/or toxic. I am very, very, veryveryvery picky with her romantic candidates as a result. Do not try to force ship with her, that is a surefire to be irrevocably crossed off as a potential partner. Lute has a tendency to develop crushes on a very specific type of people--do not take this as a sign that I'm trying to push a ship on you--it's just a character quirk that she has. Shipping will never take priority over the overarching plot of this blog. Again, Lute isn't a character who does well in domestic situations, tension, action and conflict is where it's at for her.

Smut

I will write smut on rare occasions, mostly on sindays. I exclusively write this type of content with longtime mutuals. Feel free to ask me for a link to my NSFW blog.

Drama

As a rule of thumb: don't. If there's a problematic individual you feel I should be made aware of, address the issue with me OOC. That's all I have to say on the matter. I like to keep my space as drama/discourse free as possible.

Blocking

Please hardblock me when you unfollow! I have a very poor memory so it's not unlikely that I might refollow if you fail to do this. If you happen to find yourself blocked by me, rest assured that it is very rarely a personal matter. Chances are I just don't see us vibing or you're somebody that i decided to unfollow for one reason or another. All the same, block evading is not cool if there's a legit reason behind it (and you will be made aware if there is). Please don't do that!

Thank you for reading my guidelines. This list will be expanded upon as I see fit!

[mypralaya]

Hello you just get disjointed Haven thoughts today. It’s funny how so much of my analysis on Shaw is so structured whereas with Haven it gets more emotional, but I guess that fits? This rant is really like THREE rants, the first one is about how difficult it is the handle a character like Haven without being Problematic and how I do my best to steer through these while staying IC too, then to thoughts about her relationship to the Adversary and its memory, then her child, her real one that never was, and likening her to figures that admittedly don’t really work for her as a non-Christian but that personally do remind me of her because I was raised Catholic THERE’S A LOT HERE

Anyway, I used to think the worst thing about Haven being brought back in the modern era would be the inevitable sexualization and whitewashing and so on, and probably more racist writing. But I’ve now decided the worst thing about it would be that she’d probably be a Girlboss, because that seems to be the shortcut that so many writers now are taking for a Strong Female Character or to right wrongs that have been done to them. And I get this is coming from good desires but it’s so inevitably bad , almost always OOC, and usually does more harm than good to the character’s portrayal. And for Haven, the reason I get why you’d want to do it (not that anyone at Marvel does, I’d put down good money, and thank goodness, but IF SOMEONE DID) is the same reasons I just don’t think it would work for her. And no one suggested it would, I am just arguing against hypothetical situations in my head, because I am like that. Anyway, a big component of the Girlboss is she’s right about everything and knows it and she’s very determined in making sure other characters and the readers know it and she will call out and shoot down every real and imagined slight against her, often violently. But Haven, though WE know she was treated terribly by the narrative and frankly also by the heroes, died with the horrible knowledge that SHE WAS WRONG and that her mistake, whether her fault or not, doomed the world (as far as she knew) She died knowing all the horrible things she did and caused with the belief it was all for a greater end that would justify the means, was actually FOR NOTHING. That her greatest and most deeply held convictions were nothing but a joke by a demon to pass the time, and she had made so many others SUFFER for that. It had to be a hideous experience, one of incredibly crushing pain, but also a HUMBLING one. On a meta level we’re all in Haven’s corner (OR DAMN WELL SHOULD BE) but in-universe she has to face she was as wrong as anyone could be and it had massive consequences. So what sense would it make for her to swagger back into the story calling out all the “good guys” for being shitty to her when it turns out they were retroactively justified and it would have undeniably been BETTER if they’d stopped her? I guess you could justify it in that she’s angry at their treatment nonetheless because it was BEFORE they knew her Evil Plans, or being angry at Xavier because she canonically knows that he sensed another mind inside her, so why didn’t he do anything? But I don’t think that makes sense for her character either. We know she’s not the type to blame others even when they have done her LEGITIMATE WRONG. When she talks to Xavier about the man she loved and who abandoned her pregnant, she has no animosity in her phrasing towards him, just shame and reprimand at HERSELF for being “selfish” in that she abandoned her work and the children in order to have a love affair. She’s not mad at HIM even NOW. And she’s very obviously quick to forgive others; when she flees from Xavier because he kept essentially ASSAULTING her by going into her mind past what she was comfortable with and she KEPT ASKING HIM TO STOP, afterwards she doesn’t think of him with ANY animosity. Quite the reverse, actually. She thinks about how she still does love and respect him. She intends to kill him, because she now knows she has to as he stands in opposition to her, but she’s very sad about it, thinking how she will be sure to slay him with compassion and will weep for him after, and then prays with her “child”. So like, god, if she did come back? She’d probably be so painfully repentant and apologetic, especially to him and X-Factor, and god that is SO UNCOMFY given the racial dynamics here. Which…tracks, because Haven’s whole story is very uncomfy in terms of the intersections of racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. But I also don’t think making her an aggro unrepentant Girlboss would be the answer either. Myself, I DO make her very often unsure and demurring and Taking A Lot of Shit but I also try to be conscious in portraying this as an aspect of trauma, that we have SEEN in canon is HOW she reacts to trauma, and not Just How Brown Women Are since the passive submissive brown woman is SUCH a thing and like, I’m a white Western woman, it’s a dicey thing to handle and I’m not even gonna pretend I get it right all the time—-which is, thank god I’m not actually writing her for Marvel, even if I want to. If I ever was, I’d only take the offer if I could work with a South Asian co-author, I don’t wanna fuck this up in a PUBLISHED WORK. But rest assured I’m not fetishizing this, or holding it up as a Good Thing on her part to be this way, or doing it thoughtlessly, I think about this a lot. And of course her developing from this WOULD BE GREAT AND END GOAL but also real development cannot be rushed. I hate quick fixes in canon, I hate them so much. It’s so cheap and not reflective of reality OR satisfying as an escape. Coming back to stereotypes, there’s also the worry about casting a WOC as a helper and caregiver and like. . .she is, she absolutely is. But I also always have worry about that for obvious reasons. And like. . .so I think Haven is this way because she is a truly good person who canonically has despised the inequality and suffering in the world since childhood and been trying to stop it since she was a kid. As a little she’s said she was tormented by knowing that beyond her privileged world there was so much pain, and tormented by her inability to stop it, and she prayed to God every night to do something. And as an adult—a teen, actually–she went out and did it HER DAMN SELF. And that’s…GREAT. I would never take that away, it’s a key aspect of her character. And alas, as mentioned, she also thinks HAVING ANYTHING FOR HERSELF and taking a break to FALL IN LOVE is SELFISH OF HER and then canon validated that by PUNISHING HER IN THE WORST WAY FOR IT. Again, thorny as hell character here. But I also think, while this is natural for her, it’s also firstly more comforting for her to be the caregiver and in that role because it means the focus is off HER trauma, the acknowledgement is not on HER pain, so she can ignore it too. It gives her control, keeps her in a role that is comforting to HER too. And lbr, she’s societally rewarded by conforming to this role, and would probably face societal consequences if she deviated from it. It’s like how I’m a very naturally feminine person, I think that’s just how I am, but it’s also delusional to think that the fact I’m societally valued and benefitted for this as a cis woman isn’t a factor in this. It’s like that. Like how I’ve also noticed how SUPER FEMME she is and I think she IS JUST LIKE THAT but also she’s a dark-skinned WOC who is six feet tall, so like she probably does have to be Extra Gender Conforming just to get treated like a proper woman. Like Mommy Fortuna putting a false horn on a real unicorn to make people see a unicorn who didn’t believe in them. That’s the angle I try to approach things from, that it’s not simply that she isn’t anything more than a caretaker, but she IS sincerely one BUT also that she locks herself into that box due to societal pressure AND trauma, and all three things can be true at once. Speaking of The Last Unicorn, I couldn’t tell you WHY but I tend to associate it with Haven. In particular, the bit where the Unicorn says “I am no longer like the others. I have been mortal, and part of me is mortal yet” but in reverse. She held a cosmic entity within her body for twenty years and she is fundamentally separate from humanity for that, even though she’s functionally once more a normal human again as she always really was. She cannot go back from that. And in some sick way, she misses the Adversary. I’ve written about this before, but for 20 years she believed this was her divine unborn child talking to her, a constant companion she looked at with love and trust. It’s hard not to miss that lie, even knowing what it was now. I usually think of “Not once did the beast look back before leaving me behind” from Petshop of Horrors and “ I’ve never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. ❞ from Life of Pi with regards to this, but I also think “.and to this hour the image of Carmilla returns to mind with ambiguous alterations--sometimes the playful, languid, beautiful girl; sometimes the writhing fiend I saw in the ruined church; and often from a reverie I have started, fancying I heard the light step of Carmilla at the drawing room door.” from Carmilla is good too. Her relationship with the Adversary was not romantic but the sentiment is the same, of knowing what a monster this was now, of knowing how you were preyed on, yet unable to stop missing the good times too, even though you KNOW. It reminds me a lot of how many abuse survivors remember their abusers. I think she thinks of it a lot like that. And god it just always kills me how, on top of everything, she lost her child. It was a new meat suit for the Adversary before it was even through her first trimester. I think you can mourn something that never existed, something you only thought existed, something that could have existed but failed to. I think she does. And speaking of the Adversary taking twenty years of her life, ultimately her life itself, and everything she stood for, and then her baby too. . .that’s why I’m always reminded of the Biblical woman clothed with the sun, and the dragon lying in wait to devour her child. Haven wore shining armor, and her child WAS devoured by the great dragon (which obviously represents Satan, which is a word that LITERALLY translates to “Adversary”), and it didn’t even need to wait til birth. And I wouldn’t actually use this metaphor for her if I was writing for canon, because it’s very Christian and Haven is not, but it’s what comes to MY mind as someone raised Catholic and whom this image very much scared when I was little, and I always mentally conflated the woman with Mary whom I also tend to think of in conflation with Haven even if, again, not something I’d write. But like I said, raised Catholic, so that imagery is very much ingrained in my consciousness. And probably why I gravitate so hard towards mother goddess figures. Anyway I’ll stop with the stream of consciousness now and go draw dgjsj

[cheryls-blossomed]

Hi there, I know that you don’t engage with the flash fandom or watch the show anymore but I just wanted to bring up some observations that have been discussed on your blog in previous years which was right. The first is the chemistry between Grant and Candice I remember that it was frustrating for us when people would say they don’t have chemistry anymore simply because the writers didn’t give them scenes to show it off and blame it on the actors. I mean as per the usual pattern, season 9 has given them more opportunity to show it off and now the same people who said they didn’t have it anymore have changed their tune even though it’s simply just the writing being better.

Secondly, the issue of fandom never being satisfied don’t get me wrong it’s absolutely valid for people to have advocated more westallen especially with how the last 3 seasons went, but now we’re getting it *finally* it’s like some part of fandom are never satisfied. It reminds me of some of fandom’s reaction in season 3/4 when we had it good. if it’s a hug why wasn’t it longer if it’s a kiss why wasn’t it more intense…etc. now in season 9 it’s ‘oh they should’ve had a sex scene in episode 1’ which is just unrealistic. Valid criticisms are always allowed of course it’s just the nitpicking that annoys me, ha.

All that being said, it’s nice to see Barry & Iris working together and spending more time together it’s what we deserve for the last season of the show. You were one of the few level-headed fans in the fandom and I really do miss your well-rounded commentary on the show but I completely understand you stepping away as the show isn’t what it used to be. I hope you do one for the series finale. Take care ❤️

Aw, thank you for dropping by again, nonnie! I may have stepped away from the fandom/show in the last year, but I really loved the conversations and discourse about the show and Westallen. It's really what I miss most from fandom: all the amazing conversations. I'd like to do something more to celebrate Iris and Westallen: maybe a retrospective-type meta after the finale airs. I definitely plan to give my thoughts about the series finale and reflect about Barry and Iris's story, so there's definitely going to be more to come from me on this blog! I am really humbled by your kind words. 💛

Yeah, I like to think a lot of what was discussed previously on this blog is from experience of watching this show and having seen the high-points and low-points in material. I've never believed that Candice and Grant's chemistry just disappeared: the material just was not there for their chemistry to shine the way their chemistry did in seasons 1-4. Episodes like 5x05 and 6x11 and 6x17 and 7x18 really allowed us glimpses into how great their chemistry remained, but overall the writing did not invest in material that showed off that chemistry. I think in many ways having such a Westallen-centric episode right off the bat in season 9 showcased what could have been if the writing had invested in the right material for the last like four seasons. Because their chemistry was per usual fantastic in 9x01.

And for sure: some fans are never satisfied, and that's going to always be the case. But the things so many of us did hope for: more intimacy, WA outside of STAR Labs, more romance, more best friends in love-type content, more scenes in their bedroom... we got that in 9x01, which was really nice. There was really good Westallen content in the episode: a lot of which I know I had been hoping for for several seasons now.

Overall, I thought 9x01 was really promising and was a pleasant surprise. The Westallen content was great, and I would hope that this through-line of Westallen in story arcs together carries throughout the season.

[lurking-latinist]

Top 10s Meme

I was tagged by @thisbluespirit - thanks for the tag!

Rules: List your "top 10" (or up to 10 if you haven't written that many) fics ranked by kudos on AO3. Are you surprised by what's most popular to your readers? Then, under a cut, provide your ranking of your personal top 10 fics (with explanations if you want!), and then tag a few fellow writers! 

My top 10 fics by kudos:

1. Book Learning (Susan, Ian/Barbara) *

1. Doubt and Doubles (Five/Tegan) *

1. Ms Smith (Thirteen & Sarah Jane)

2. don’t worry, he’s with me (five ways Donna explained the Doctor to people, and one way he explained her) (Ten & Donna)

3. Anything Once (Inquisitor Darkel/Sabalom Glitz) *

3. Vicarious (Six & Martha)

4. Time Flies Like an Arrow (Witches Fly on a Broomstick) (Discworld - Nanny Ogg, Granny Weatherwax, & Magrat Garlick)

5. to all our nights and days to come (Seven/Romana)

6. Nociception (Seven & Ace)

7. Nitro-Nine (Thirteen & Ace)

8. Somewhere to Belong (One & Susan)

9. The Strands of Fate (Four &/ Romana - the confusing designation is because it’s sex pollen, but it’s subverted, but they still act pretty darn shippy)

10. XOXO (Six/River) **

* These got hit by kudos bots (personally, I blame Glitz) and I am not counting them.

** This might have been hit by a kudos bot? Maybe? I can’t remember. It seems implausible for it to be this high, but some of the ones that I know for sure weren’t hit by bots are also pretty surprising.

Well, yes; this is a pretty surprising list all over for me. I think the top... four... are all on there more because of the popularity of the characters than the quality of the fic. I mean, Ms Smith is definitely fun, but if I’d written the same concept with Peri I’d have gotten about ten kudos and been happy with it. Including the current Doctor is a good recipe for attention, as is including a super-popular companion who had her own spinoff. (*prays earnestly for an Ace spinoff*)

Further reflections on the top 10 below the cut, as well as my personal top 10; it got lengthy.

don’t worry, he’s with me also had the advantage of being for an exchange, which no doubt got it a few more reads than it would otherwise have had. But a lot of its kudos have been post-exchange: Ten & Donna are just very popular. I don’t like to run down things I’ve written for exchanges, because it was always my best at the time, but I was really stuck for this (one of the first exchanges I’d ever done, and before I learned to prune my offers) and felt like I just kind of squeezed something out that was honestly more like meta than fic, so I was really surprised by how many kudos it’s accumulated over time!

Vicarious is genuinely good, and it contains a New Who companion, and the audience for Martha being validated and appreciated is (it would seem) encouragingly broad, but it’s also got Six in it, which normally means I’m writing for the same ten people as always. (Love you all!) It’s been podficced and everything! And it was inspired by a mashup gif, so I think of it as a lovely example of the fannish ecosystem.

Time Flies Like an Arrow... is another early exchange fic--specifically, the exchange in which I learned I shouldn’t offer fic for books with strong authorial voices. Apparently I can do cod-Pratchett when pushed, but it’s difficult for me to enjoy looking back at it because I can see the seams. I’m glad people have enjoyed it, though! It’s got a baby in it. Nice to see I have been able to write babies at times.

to all our nights and days to come is indeed one of my best fics. But it initially made very little splash, understandably, being an angsty under-explained AU for a rarepair that about six people have ever shipped and not all of them at once. Then I mentioned it on a Tumblr post where people had been speculating about Seven in the Time War, and apparently it found its audience! XD

Nociception is very good, I’ll admit. But it’s not really me. It’s just Seven and Ace being themselves. I am but your humble chronicler. XD

Nitro-Nine is pretty much just excited flailing in fic form--it was written back when we were all excited that Thirteen was dropping Seven-era references--little did we know we were actually getting Ace back! It definitely benefited from the “posted like the day after the episode aired” boost. Not something I can normally do without access to actual time travel.

Somewhere to Belong definitely does belong in the top 10, although if I could go back and edit it, I’d file off some of the rough edges that make it obvious that it started as a meta post. I’d keep the metafictional elements, but I’d make them subtler. (I suppose technically I can go back and edit it. But I don’t like to make big changes so long after the fact. It feels weird.) It’s still my default headcanon--the one I use when I have no reason to use a different one--for Susan’s origins. (And I would take off the tag “NOT doctor/oc.” I have no idea why I was so worried about people thinking that.)

The Strands of Fate is very funny and charming, and a good transition out of the early phase in which I used to write almost exclusively gen trope-subversion ficlets. I still do all those things, separately and together, but it was almost the only thing I did for a while there. Also, it contains an undressing scene with my OTP, but not like you’d think, naturally. And (spoilers) it’s all just a leadup to a silly looms joke. And Heimeldat drew fanart of it. :D

XOXO, like I said, was probably a kudos bot but I can’t quite remember so I didn’t cross it off. I have written much better Six/River.

So now for my personal top 10. I couldn’t possibly do these sequentially, so I will just list 10 that I think represent my best and/or most fun work.

Of the popular top 10, I’d keep:

1. Somewhere to Belong

2. to all our nights and days to come

3. The Strands of Fate

and I would add:

4. and will not let me sleep (Six & Peri)

5. and opposition of the stars (Doctor/TARDIS)

6. Stand and Deliver (Six/River)

7. Paraclausithyron (Seven/Romana)

8. Like Sunshine Through Rain (Six/Charley)

9. Bestride the Narrow World (WtOVPIC - mainly Katrina and Lucy)

10. Blazon (Seven/Romana)

But, as everyone knows, the best fic is the one you’re just about to write. (So stay tuned...?)

If you have read this far... why? And thanks. I enjoyed rambling about my own fic.

I will now tag some people: @heimeldat @swinging-stars-from-satellites @strange-destinations @fortes-fortuna-iogurtum @dyonisia96 @ontologicalmoki and anyone else who wants to do it!

[aeronbracken]

ok, I am sorry but some of the meta writers have really have the confidence of a published writer and should be humbled...

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hey! It’s the one year anniversary of me discovering your blog! (Or thereabouts. My memory is shit but it definitely involved me thinking “it’s fucked up that I’m at dinner outside in shorts in the beginning of October; also I can’t wait to go home and read more of that cool CSI post.”)

At the time I couldn’t imagine finding more than one meta that good, but little did I know I had just stumbled onto a trove of hundreds!

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed your blog over the past year. The gif sets! The asks! But especially your CSI deep dives. They’re so compelling and the character analysis is just beautiful.

(And bonus points for getting me into The West Wing. I have since bought multiple books on the US presidency because *deranged writer noises* I NEED TO UNDERSTAND.)

Anyway, I hope things are going well for you! I’ve really enjoyed the effort you’ve put into this.

hi, @clintbeifong!

so, uh, this message straight-up made my day????

i am a) so impressed and humbled that you remember when you followed me because what is time? is it real?, b) overwhelmed by the kindness of your words, and c) glad you did follow me, because i've so enjoyed getting to know you a bit—howdy, friend!—over the last year, and especially being able to enjoy your work, from your gorgeous art to your thoughtful meta to your beautiful fic. it has genuinely been a treat being in the same little "internet neighborhood" as you.

i'm always down to talk about geeky scientists in love and—in a more rambling and incoherent way—presidential staffers on a mission to make the world better, and i appreciate you engaging with me and my content as i do so.

thank you so much for taking the time to share what you enjoy about my blog. i love being able to do what i do on the internet, and i'm so glad to know it's brought some happiness to you, as well.

certainly, you've brought me happiness today. 💖💖💖

hope you're well, friend!

[imbecamiel]

New Tag Game: Rec Your Own Fics

I was tagged by @chimaerakitten for this one - thanks! :D

Rules: If you’re tagged, make a rec list of your own fics that you’re most proud of. The ones you personally want people to read because you know they’re good. The ones you get extra excited when you get comments on them because people are responding to what you know is your best work. As part of the list, say why you’re proud of them! Participant’s choice on how many that is and where you draw the line on pride, but the more the better. Bonus points for fics that you like to reread yourself or fics that have low engagement because they’re in a small fandom or an unpopular ship/trope. Then tag however many people you feel like to continue the game. (If you want a guide number, try for seven or however many fics you listed)

Secondary rule: If you get tagged and you’re not a fic writer, consider doing the same for art you’ve done or meta you’ve written that you’re proud of.

Tertiary rule: This is the time to be the opposite of humble! Hype your own stuff! Share why you’re proud of something. Do some self love! And please give the game a chance even if you haven’t written much or are just starting out etc etc.

Down for the Count (DC, Batfam)

This one was inspired by some great fanart by @terracyte

I've loved Batfam for quite a while now, and I am absolutely delighted this was enough to break my writing brain loose from the stranglehold Life Stuff has had on it the last few years. I can still write! \o/

The Joke (Marvel, MCU)

I.e. "What if Steve Rogers, one, could wield Mjolnir from the start, and two, was under the mistaken impression that everyone else's talk about Thor being the only one capable of that was some kind of running joke."

By far the most popular thing I've ever written, a fic I still get kudos on very regularly 10 years later, and it's incredibly satisfying to see a fic I'm extremely fond of myself enjoyed by others so much.

Birthday (Marvel, MCU)

Tony's just created JARVIS and feels the need to tell Rhodey about it immediately.

This one's basically the polar opposite of "The Joke" in terms of popularity. It's never gotten much attention, but it's funny and I think it's well executed and I like it.

Strike (Marvel, MCU)

Like "The Joke" this kind of hits the sweet spot of one of my favorite things to write - things that could easily be cracky, but are written with a lighthearted but genuine tone. In this case, in the immediate wake of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, when everyone was delving into all the angst potential, my brain went "yeah, but... what if they also went bowling?"

Out Of The Cold (Lord of the Rings)

Pre-series sickfic/hypothermia fic where Aragorn falls into a frozen lake rescuing a child.

Much of my LOTR writing happened in the verrrrrrry earliest days of my discovery of fandom as a teenager. So many good memories. This one's not recent-recent, but much more representative of my current writing abilities and it still makes me very happy when I go back to reread it.

Tagging: @cairistiona7 @hollyhock13 - and anyone else who sees this and feels like participating, please do consider yourself tagged!

[alien-ally]

If my life was analysed like a piece of media by meta writers on tumblr (this post is specifically inspired by reading character analyses of the only friends characters) i honestly think it would make everything so much easier. I'm great at analysing too, very self aware and perceptive, shift essence all the time, strive to scrape out all the inconsistencies and establish control. But then i am still me, i live inside this. Maybe I'm not all that humble, maybe I'm a conceited bastard. Need a framework shift. And some guts while we're at it too, please.

[herglowinggirl]

I might have been the person who asked "what is go". I think the question system might be glitched since I technically can not see the messages as an anon without having an account. Anyways nice content on the nalysis of the kyoshi novels.

oh of course! and thank you so much, for coming to tell me that you liked it, it means a lot as a fandom creator! <3 (you can find all of my content here, I’ve moved blogs) I’ve said it before! I like the Kyoshi Novels because they’ve got things like themes and motifs but are written as YA, so I’d highly recommend anyone out there who needs practice in lit crit (it rhymes...) to practice with them.

[bitletsanddrabbles]

I’ve seen all sorts of posts about what people miss about fandom in ‘the old days’ and ‘old time fanfiction’, so I thought I’d do one myself. You know what I miss?

I miss the threat of cease and desist orders.

And before you go “Ah, yes, another post on how we were getting away with so much!” let me stop you right there by pointing out: we weren’t getting away with shit. Anne Rice made that very, very clear. Everything that we ‘got away with’ we ‘got away with’ because the creators themselves supported fan fiction or, at the very least, didn’t bother to come after us. Anyone who decided to shut us down had but to call their lawyers and we were toast.

So what was so good about that, you ask? What was good about the continual worry that it would all go south? If we weren’t part of the Glorious Rebellion Against The Creator?

One word: Manners.

The rest of the fandom could be as nasty a bunch of bullies as they liked. They could write essays on how their high school physics instructor told them it was impossible to fly on a magic broomstick and how that knowledge made them so superior. They could bully actors into giving up their careers or, better yet!, contemplate suicide. They could be as intolerant and unforgiving and demanding as they liked, but the writers?

We had to at least pretend to respect the creators and view them as actual people. We needed our disclaimers saying “I own nothing except my student debts and a pile of dirty laundry! Please, oh creator, do not break me open like a bag of groceries and dance on my sticky bones!” No, really, those were things people actually said in their disclaimers.  We needed those to keep ourselves safe.

Unlike the rest of the fandom, we could not take that safety for granted. We couldn’t afford it. Thought something should have been done differently? “I get where the author was going with this, but I’d have like to have seen it done this way instead”. Thought a scene would have been more interesting from the view of a side character rather than the main? “I thought I’d explore this through the eyes of John Doe over here.” We could still write everything we do now, and for all of the same reasons, but we could not get away from the fact that the creator was a human being who had reached into their skull and pulled out something that inspired us.

It protected us in other ways too. When people came at us complaining that fan fiction was disrespectful to the author, we had a thesis paper’s worth of disclaimers: disclaimers thanking the author for their work; disclaimers promising the reader that we were just having fun; disclaimers saying in plain words that this was not to be taken seriously, but was written as finals-week-therapy at three-bloody-am. Even the people who were lying in their disclaimers, who really did look on the creators as the lowest form of life, had to pretend to have respect and that, in turn, made sure they could never completely overlook the truth of the matter: without the creator, they wouldn’t have anything to write about.

We were Emperors and the threat of a law suit was the man following us in the parade, whispering in our ears: Remember, one day you will die.

It kept us humble.

It kept us respectful.

It kept us, to some degree, empathetic. After all, we were writers too, weren’t we? We were just having fun, mind, or practicing our writing, or whatever, but the important part was that we were all writers.

Maybe it’s a reflection of the people I spent time with, but it showed in our meta too. When talking about characters, the other fans might sprinkle their posts with snide comments about authorial intent, but we stuck to observations about the characters themselves. “But of course, the creator didn’t think about that” was again a non-writer line. If we wondered what the creator had been doing in a particular plot, it was because we were genuinely curious and wanted to know, not because we wanted to look clever. If the creator ended the series like a Shakespearean comedy rather than a John Webster piece, we didn’t sit around debating the likelihood that the whole cast would be eaten by a rabid rhino the second the credits stopped rolling, because really, let’s look at the creator’s history here. We celebrated our happy ending.

We had conversations because we wanted to enjoy things. We were in the fandom to have fun, period, end stop.

This was really important when I was in my twenties and working on getting a B.A. in Creative Writing. The idea of publishing, particularly in a pre-self-publishing craze, was daunting. Basically everything the big publishing houses put out were novels. That was a lot of work, a lot of revision, a lot of money for editors and agents and shipping things around. You were looking at a lot of rejection, so much so that writers like Steven King gave advice in interviews and autobiographies on how to deal with the sea of ‘sorry, not interested’. And it wasn’t much money, usually. The idea that, if you made it, you could wind up with millions of ‘fans’ bitching about how the book you got on eating disorders in 1893 had given you bad information and calling you a no talent, idiotic hack because you believed it was enough to make someone just give up and go into landscaping. However, the knowledge that people might be inspired to write their own things based off of your work, that they might recognize you as the source of their inspiration, and that there might wind up being a communal, living body of work based on something that you pried out of your brain….that was exciting. That was worth it. That made being part of a fandom and the thought of having one of your own encouraging and fun and supportive.

To twenty something me, that made being a published author seem like an infinitely better job than packing groceries.

Then we got lawyers. We got rights. That should have been a good thing, and in ways it is, but we now have the privilege of being entitled, spoiled bullies like the rest of the fans, and God forbid we not make the most of our privileges. ‘Having fun and enjoying the thing’ has given way to ‘find as many things to be dissatisfied about as possible’. Telling the nay-sayers ‘no, we’re all just having fun’ has turned into a battle to defend our hobby against someone armed with a list of fiction summaries along the lines of ‘fixing the plot because the author is a no talent hack who couldn’t write their way out of a wet paper bag!’

Forty something me packs groceries for a living and plans on doing it until I retire. Yeah, self-publishing is a thing now, and I’m financially stable enough to do it. I could finish a rough draft (Hell, I have one that’s probably good enough to pitch at an editor), hire someone to help me clean it up, and get it out into the world.

I just don’t want to. It might do well, and then what? I get to hear all about how I’m an idiot because side plot B didn’t make sense to five people? About how someone had a great revelation about character C and it’s a pity I couldn’t be clever enough to have actually thought about it myself? About how they know that my story is really super cringe, but they found a way to think about it that I never intended and actually makes it good? About how all of the problematic parts are clearly because I’m majority? (Well, you know, mixed status, but that just means ‘worst of both worlds’.)

Working retail I have to put up with a constant stream of superior people being nasty and critical, but I don’t have to spend more money than it takes to drive to work. I don’t have to let people see my thoughts and dreams. I don’t have to hand them characters that I’ve poured hours of thought and care into, developing them to be the best, most human people I can manage, only to have them run over with steamrollers and be criticized for making them so flat.

Not to mention it pays better.

No, really. People assume that once you’ve published a book or worked on a TV script, you’re set for life, but I’ve already made more money this year boxing groceries than a bottom tier novelist. And before you say ‘oh, but the bottom tier is practically unknown and doesn’t need to worry about fans’, that is not the point. The point is that a lot of well known creators have second jobs. They still get routinely attacked by people who claim to like their work.

It’s not encouraging anymore. It’s not supportive. And I’m sure there are people out there all ready to say ‘Oh, but with you it will be different because-” no it won’t. I’m not that special. I’m not special at all, except in that way that everyone is a unique and special individual, and that statement applies to every human being in history, including the genocidal maniacs.

There are days I’m not even sure why I bother with fan fiction anymore, except that I want to write and this is what’s inspired me. Half the time it feels like people just see my comments section and go ‘Ah yes!  A fresh forum to complain about the creator!’ or my meta and go ‘Oh yeah! I can add to this, and get in a few digs on the creator to boot! Gee, I can’t believe you forgot that part!’ And I want to get better at writing and that requires feed back and being able to ask people who have different specialties than I do how things work and…

I just want to be able to enjoy talking to people about things again. I want to be able to read a great observation on a character and not have it ruined by the obligatory “But of course, we have to take into account who’s writing it!” comment. I want to be able to see a story with an awesome looking summary that isn’t labeled “fixing what the creator ruined by being a no-talent hack”. I want to be able to see I have a comment and not have to hold my breath that it’s yet another person complaining about what a horrible, awful thing the creator did by writing a scene that makes me feel represented in a way nothing else ever has and how much they hate it and of course I hate it too, right? I want to not feel bad about supporting a fan author knowing full well that they’re writing because they think the original creator sucks and will interpret everything possible in a way that reflects badly on them.

I’m glad we have the right to create fan works without fear of repercussions, but I’m really not sure we deserve it.