#i am almost always exhausted
Note
hellooo what's one thing you always do after getting back home for the day?
Immediately guzzle down at least 16oz of water and then pass out usually
#ghost answers#thank you!#404 user not found#i am almost always exhausted#between lack of sleep and pain tends to do me in#when I come back from being out#i also change into looser clothes and usually wipe down the counters#and load the dishwasher#bc if I’m gone it usually means they aren’t cleaned
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
pisces/virgo placements... it's about time you took care of yourself, too, ok?
you burn yourselves out allowing yourself to be pulled by so many people in all different directions. you exhaust all your resources and empty your cup - no, your entire well - to help those around you, even people you don't know. it's such a beautiful thing, and i know you genuinely love helping others, supporting people, seeing them thrive. it's such a beautiful trait! but you constantly end up neglecting yourself, right? you don't realize that you have permission to set aside time to care for you, to cater to your needs for once. you often feel like no one puts a drop in your cup, the favor is never returned - it's exhausting; you might think if you just keep giving your all it will come back; i understand. you will find the people that give the same energy back to you one day, but regardless of whether you've found those people yet, you need to learn to step aside and fill your own cup!
setting boundaries and saying no is the most important thing you will learn to do in this lifetime. it will not be easy for you, sometimes it will feel painful. but you cannot help the world if you're constantly drained and tired! you deserve to take care of yourself in the same way you do for others. be gentle to your kind soul, nourish yourself; do the things you love to do. learn to worry about others less, as hard as it is, and focus on yourself more.
#astrology#luna.txt#pisces#virgo#mutable#ok i love making posts in this style and like the last post i made#i almost didnt make my last post bc i was worried no one would like it#but u all were so nice and received it so well#so i hope this one can resonate too!!!#i luv u <3#i really really wanna carve out time to post here more!!#im currently working three jobs tho so a little exhausted flkdjfjdlf#also i cannot stop watching anime lately#if any of u have suggestions for stuff that has the vibe of my happy marriage and lvl 999 yamada... pls tell me#i love that cheesy non-stressful romance especially like the yamada 999 anime 😭💖#genshin. anime. work. thats my life lately. and thats ok#omg ive also been watching hidden love and its so cute#i was worried it'd be creepy w/ the age gaps but so far seems ok??#sorry i always end my posts with unrelated rants but anyway<3#if anyone ever needs to talk abt anime/astro/genshin/cdramas.. i am here#mine
199 notes
·
View notes
Text
today was a good day! *collapses into bed and sobs uncontrollably*
#had a dentist appointment this morning#then had to go to work#bought myself a few things#got home around 8:20#had dinner#watched a bit of gilmore girls and supernatural#then had to unpack groceries#and almost had a meltdown#i feel like i’m doing so much around the house#and nobody else is doing anything#and like i was at work all day after my appointment#and it just feels like so much of the organization/cleaning of the house is on me#i’m so fucking exhausted#and i have to work an 8 hour shift tomorrow!#and i couldn’t even actually cry because i always shove it down! so.#anyway#just showered and now am gonna go to bed#it’s almost 11 so not bad i might read a bit of fanfic if i have the brain power#vent post ig lmao
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#vent#sorry god not to use this as a space for that since i almost never do but i am. so frustrated.#so context is that over this year i have lost. like. A Concerning Amount Of Weight. without changing anything about my lifestyle.#hell if anything i’m doing worse on that front because i have no fucking energy now. i am constantly exhausted and dizzy. i can’t eat as#well as i used to and i can’t exercise. i do not feel good!!!#but i can’t say a goddamn thing to my family because the minute they hear ‘lost weight’ it’s like their brains turn off and they don’t hear#the rest of what’s going on. it’s purely positive for them.#EVEN IF I DID NOT FEEL LIKE SHIT. AND I VERY MUCH DO. I STILL WOULD NOT LIKE MY BODY SUDDENLY CHANGING ON ME LIKE THAT.#i liked how i looked and i liked how i felt.#i felt so much fucking stronger and more alert like 30 pounds ago. now im always tired and none of my clothes fit and im cold because all my#fucking padding got taken away from me!!!! i needed that!!!!!!!!#im just hoping Something shows up in my bloodwork this month to clue me in to what’s going on because this can’t continue. i hate this.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
dennis... he is so interesting... silly, even...
to be worshipped is one thing. to be worshipped is a given. who wouldn't worship him? he leaves and the gang changes because who are they without him? he comes back and the gang chooses him because why wouldn't they? and the d.e.n.n.i.s system and being a golden god and demonstrate value, so they only see what you present and not what you are. sex is what you are. you are a god. see past the golden god and there's nothing there. engage physically. that's it, that's you. engage physically and they won't ask too many questions. nurture dependence, they want you. they worship you. they need you. neglect emotionally, once they start to get too close and worship and obsession tips into what you think is love. inspire hope, so they'll leave and come back again, because you decide what goes and what doesn't. and nothing goes. you are golden and perfect. they will never leave.
then. separate entirely. you leave first. they will cling onto you and kneel at your altar and miss the perfect version of you, and you will only be known as the golden god and you will only be remembered for sex because that is what you are.
and that's all you need. you need worship, you need obsession. you don't need to be loved, or known, because what does that bring you? to be known is to see past the facade. to be known means presenting every bit of yourself, every flaw and imperfection that you try to scrub and dye and push away before it becomes too obvious. and what do you do, when someone knows you, and they don't like what they see?
what then?
#wow i was about to go to bed then i started thinking too hard about dennis now i am here#i should sleep i need sleep#instead i am here!#im sorry for this#i dont think it makes any sense bc its almost 2am im delirious and exhausted#anyway! goodnight!#dennis reynolds#iasip#iasip analysis#macdennis#dennis system#glenn howerton#its always sunny in philadelphia#insane ramblings
67 notes
·
View notes
Text
it really is going to be like this forever isn’t it. i’m just going to be exhausted for the rest of my life
#im so tired#and im always tired#its almost lost meaning now#people ask how i am and i tell them im tired and it sounds so little#oh your main thing is that youre tired well thats not too bad#at least its not pain#at least people understand pain#they dont understand fatigue#dont understand that its a battle every time i have to make myself get out of bed#that im so exhausted it hurts#that my limbs are weak and my ribs ache and there is no end because i fall asleep just to wake up again#and i wake up tired#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#pots#cfs#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#chronic illness#chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Soon im rly gonna do it
#🕸️#sui mention#< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are#like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however#every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day#it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a#wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach#into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i#cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening#almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not#only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is#to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being#or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in#coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe#its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont#hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am#im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf#its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will#i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to#do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks#thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i've been really struggling the last few days with just... doing shit. getting up to go to the toilet. reaching beside me to take a drink of water. eating when i'm hungry. figuring out if i'm hungry/thirsty/in need of anything else particular. i want to tidy the house because it really fucking needs it. i want to fold clothes because i need to find them. i want to be in a space that's pleasant to be in. i want to eat. i want to go out in the fresh air. i want to read any one of my unfinished or unstarted books. i want to play a videogame. i want to reply to rp. i don't. i sit. i stare at the screen. i feel my brain oozing sluggishly. i might be getting a headache. i don't move. i don't look away from the screen except to stare at the wall. i think about all the things i want to do. i think about all the things i should be doing. i don't feel any particular emotion. my stomach growls. i think about getting a snack. i scroll another six posts on tumblr. i stare at the wall. i haven't opened my mouth or made a sound in an hour, two hours, more. i want to play my ukulele. i want to listen to music. i want to watch a movie. i stare. i sit. i lose thoughts halfway through having them. i forget birthdays. i forget plans made two days ago. i forget to make myself a snack. i forget to talk to my friends. i forget promises i've made. i forget who i owe rp replies to. i forget due dates. i sit i sit i sit i sit i sit.
sometimes i get really sick of me.
#AND I'M NOT EVEN LIKE. DOING BAD AT THE MOMENT#work is fucking exhausting#but i've basically finished uni#i have a holiday coming up#i'm on top of things for the most part!!!!#i got decent sleep last night. i've been doing stuff with my friends. i've been getting exercise.#and yet and still and unfortunately. i sit#like i say a lot of stuff off handedly about almost definitely having undx adhd#and looking through old school reports recently. yeah. lmao.#lizzy is poorly organised lizzy doesn't hand things in lizzy always seems distracted#lizzy took a textbook home and forgot to bring it back for weeks#lizzy is a pleasure to have in class for like four specific classes and lizzy is not living up to her potential in all the others#i can't move i can't relax i waste so much TIME#and yes. i am making this post instead of doing literally anything useful. thank you#raargh
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
God I wish tumblr had a better blocking system
#ash.txt#did you know I'd almost clawed myself up out of the hole#but guess what#guess fucking what!#I have poor impulse control and if you show me something I know will actively harm me#I'll still click on it anyway!!!#I hate it here#I HATE it here.#I was almost doing well enough to trick myself into thinking I was doing well#lol#here we are again ig!#I am nothing but a crab and my brain is made up of bigger and stronger crabs and trying again is SO fucking exhausting like what's the point#what is EVEN the point#if it's always gonna end the same way what's the point in even starting. you know.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking abt the blorbos but they aren’t even rotating. they’re just sitting there and it’s very intense
#mark is just. ''so uh.''#he kinda. fidgets with the hem of his jacket. brings his fingers up to his mouth to chew his nails but catches himself and fiddles with his#crucifix instead. his heart's still hammering in his chest and there's some exhaustion coming on now#cesar uh. cesar's sitting unnaturally still (naturally) and watching mark's mannerisms. neither of them uh. they don't know what to say#I mean. what CAN you say#when faced with the perfect image of your dead best friend. exactly as you remember him all those years ago.#when faced with the one who accidentally made you human. and then killed you. and now you're back.#oh god. he's back.#and Adam. oh don't#don't get me started on Adam#he's been staring at the mirror since three thirty am and it's SIX now#his knuckles are bloody but he. doesn't remember punching it#the shadows behind him are almost swimming. they're calling him and he swallows his nausea#the mirror is cracked and it drips but not with blood#''morning sleepy h- what the fuck.'' that's Jonah. of course it's Jonah. it's always fucking Jonah.#Adam blinks and the mirror's fine and Jonah's fine and no one's eyes are glazed over in death. it’s fine really lol#and they're still just. sitting there#y'know how it is. the blorbos. lol#htb AU#hail true body au
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
what is my family going to do about the dishes when i move out. like this is insane.
#purrs#i understand that because im not contributing as much financially to the house + am not home most of the day doing dishes every night is a#fair reasonable way to expect me to contribute. but also i come home every day fucking exhausted and basically have to clean an entire day’s#worth of dishes (not allowed to leave them out to dry either i have to both wash and dry) for 5 people + put away all the food and#appliances + wipe down all the counters. like i clean up 5 peoples mess completely by myself. and it’s a lot and i constantly go to bed at#lkke 1:30-2am or later because im stuck doing dishes. my mom and siblings cook but they almost always do it together so it’s 3 ppl and then#i do this by myself and sometimes my dad helps me but he’s working all the time and all of his money is going to all of us so it’s fair that#he doesn’t have to help but. god. i have to be at work at 9 every day it’s not enough sleep and i am constantly late and so so so tired.#its 1:19am and i still have 2 sink fuls of dishes to do at least + have to put away all the food etc and it’s 1:19am. my body is screaming#at me to sleep but i am not allowed to leave it less than spotless. awesome#delete later#anyways yeah what i was saying initially is like.. what are they going to do when i move out and they can’t just leave the mess to me at the#end of the night. someone’s gonna have to stay up just as late to clean it all. lol#it takes me at least an hour every night to do all of this
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have been having a hard time falling asleep lately like not as bad as pre-taking sleeping meds ... it only takes an hour to be snorking and mimiming but my body hurts all over and I toss and turn and I can't get my brain to Shut UP no matter how exhausted I am it's the worst like I just have to wait for the sleeping pills to take over bc otherwise I could probably stay up for 3 hours trying to sleep without them
#-_-#also today i was thinking in circles in the shower. i was in there for FORTY MINUTES i exited feeling dehydrated as fuck lol#it's all just 'im so tired. why am I trying so hard. this is trying? all i do is try to be normal and i call this trying hard? but it is'#'it is hard. for me right now it's hard. and im trying. but it sucks because it all feels so wishy washy lackluster slowed down bleak dull'#'like. it's like I'm going through the motions except im very aware of the motions so im forcing myself to go through them but then that#wouldnt be going through the motions would it? because doesn't that expression imply a sort of mindlessness and robotic behaviour lacking#awareness? except i am aware. i am acutely aware that im simply doing for the sake of doing and passing time slowly and not in a soothing#way but rather in a way that feels draining and exhausting#and im almost always dreading the next task and almost always unsatisfied at the end of each day'#good grief.#z.post
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)
#xelle.txt#i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl#i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group#i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite#and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends#my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with-#-them either#i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too#that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because-#-of my inability to stay consistent#also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway#honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless#to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before#the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol#there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!!#and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader#which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present#anyway#hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working#lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out.#this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS#imma sleep now 😭#idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do#goodnight everypony 🫶#vent tw#rant tw
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Aw bleep aw shoot I just took a nap and now I realize it’s “leave a comment fest” aw bleep what
#I AM SO CONFUSED#NAPS ALWAYS LEAVE ME CONFUSED#mostly because I neveh evah take naps#BUT FOR SOME REASON I WAS FREAKING *EXHAUSTED TODAY*#I almost fell asleep while watching an old DSMP stream centered around NUKES THAT OUGHT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING#AAAAAAAAAAH COMMENTINGGGG#okayokay I have…#*quickly calculates*#four? fics I’ve been meaning to comment on?#AT LEAST#don’t get me wrong I’m excited to comment it’s super fun for me heck yes#BUT ALSO#I JUST WOKE UP#I AM BLEARY AND CONFUSED#ALRIGHT THEN#my post
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
watching mash s11ep4 the joker is wild for the first time and...boy howdy do i have thoughts on bj's trapper complex
#mostly i think its absolutely fascinating for the writers to make trap's absence such a big part of bj's character and character development#and i dont mean character development in a good way i mean it in an actively bad way actually#but like how many shows do you watch where a character is “replaced” because an actor leaves that show#and we actually see the negative implications to that character replacing them#like it would be so easy for the writers to kind of hand wave over bj replacing trapper - just another cog in the army machine etc etc#but to make the choice that being a “replacement” to trapper would impact bj's state of mind so greatly#so LATE in the show too??#is fucking incredible storytelling actually#like bj had spent so long actually *trying* to be the replacement trapper#working on the still riffing off of hawk's jokes causing shenanigans#until he hits this spiral and breaking point in seasons 10/11 and seeing him almost...lash out? chafe? against that comparison#that building tension and exhaustion to always being in someones shadow#the writers sat on that for like SEVEN YEARS#and i just think thats fucking insane and amazing actually#its also hard as a viewer because like#i love bj#but he *is* trapper's replacement#and that makes this all the harder to watch because on the one hand im like “bj's right to feel this way”#but im also like “...trap would never”#so i am in fact falling into the conceit that everyone in the 4077 is#which makes the writing and storytelling#all the better#sorry not sorry for the insane tags on this whoops#em starts mashposting#m*a*s*h#mashposting#bj's trapper complex#bj hunnicutt#trapper john mcintyre#im also v new to the mash fandom and mash discourse so i have no idea if this is interesting or obvious oh well
3 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
kairikin
Home of the Feels Empress
jennyshow-art
Jenny Show
xyzkab-blog-blog
enjoy this broken thing
mademoiselle-beth
Something wicked this way comes..~
artamashni
Artamashni