#i am dumb and queer and tired

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

[sideblogsoicanaskquestions]

Hello!

I feel like this may come off as a dumb question but what is Aplationic along side all the loveless/heartless identity in the Arospec

I feel like when I try to understand I am conflating Care with Love

Like I guess what is Love?

Like when I hear Romantic and Platonic from others it very much comes off as basically

You don't want to date

And then everything else falling under platonic

I don't want to date. People are exhausting

Like I just want to know more.

I tired looking in the tag but I just got all the "Your Valid " posts and nothing explaining

Which is just making me feel kind dumb

Like you are valid! I just don't understand and feel dumb

Like I could look it true but I want someone who is Aplationic and all that to explain ut

As it is your identity

At this point I am 100% sure I am ace and I am somewhat sure I am Aromantic but I am just having some trouble with some of the other Identities on the Arospec

This is a mess. I am so so sorry

Basically what does Aplationic mean?

[ineffable-gallimaufry]

i can't even complain about taylor swift around here without getting the whole "oh because you listen to such good music as i like little girls" LIKE YOU CAN'T GO AFTER DANNY ELFMAN YOU PIECE OF SHIT. HE WRITES BETTER MUSIC THEN YOU WILL EVER LISTEN TO APPARENTLY

[mikkaeus]

today i was talking to someone about why i dont want to do something and one of my given reasons was “im afraid of white conservatives” and he was like “what are you scared they’re going to make fun of your hair” like. as someone that expresses queerness through their hair. the oceans between us

[urfaveautisticlesbian]

I may lose followers for this but sometimes I wish I was back in 2014/2015 bc I think I’d rather the discourse from then than the weird lgbt discourse we have now. I feel like our unity in online communities is diminished or slowly fading into oblivion. What the fuck happened

[badolmen]

I’ve realized that my subliminal messaging (making queer npcs my brothers pcs have to interact with regularly) has begun to rub off on at least one of them (gay dragonborn npc during his campaigns last session)

[giuggiulu]

Anyway next time y'all want to make fun of lesbians for how fast they move in a relationship take a sec to think about former-lesbians-maybe-they-were-bi-all-along and their wet rat boyfriends

[versegm]

Reminders:

"Intersex" means "someone born with sexual characteristics that don't fit quite well in the male/female sex binary."

"Intersex" is not synonymous to "non-binary". In fact, being intersex has nothing to do with gender at all. Intersex and trans people have many struggles in common, but if you're talking about trans-specific issues you really don't need to say "intersex and trans people".

Intersex people can be trans. Intersex people can also be cis. Intersex people, in the majority of countries, are assigned a gender at birth just like everyone else.

"Intersex" doesn't necessarily relate to genitals. When I say "sexual characteristics" it can also mean secondary sexual characteristics, hormone levels, chromosomes, and probably a bunch of other shit I forgot about. Please stop reducing intersex people to their genitals.

(On that note, having both working sets of genitals is at best extremely rare and at worst physically impossible. Sorry, intersex people can't fulfill your futa fantasies. Please stop tagging futa shit as intersex. The two are unrelated.)

Please. This pride month remember that intersex people like. Exist. Intersex folks are not hypotheticals they're not "that one letter we gotta tack at the end of every queer post and never think about any further" they're. People. Remember that they exist. Every year I have to make a post like this one where I explain the very basic things you can learn by reading the intersex wikipedia page because people see "intersex" and make assumptions as to what the word means without actually reading the dictionary definition. Please remember that intersex people exist, I looked up "intersex pride" on tumblr and half the posts I saw were a variation of "happy pride to people of all genders and sexualities!" when being intersex has nothing to do with either gender or sexuality. Please. I understand that you guys don't mean any ill, but I am very tired of making basic posts over and over.

And inb4 someone tries to strike dumb discourse on this post: I live in a country where it is legal and encouraged to perform surgery on intersex infants. Looking up "intersex athlete controversy" returned to me like three different cases of athletes who were coerced into surgery without being informed of all the risks and having to lead with lifelong consequences for it. When I say "remember intersex people" I don't mean "uwu intersex people are valid" I mean they're a demographic whose literal human rights are constantly spit upon. I don't give a shit if you think intersex people belong or not under the queer umbrella or what you think are the proper qualifications to identify as intersex literally everytime I talk to an intersex person I hear a variation of "my doctor straight-up lied to me to get me to undergo medical procedures to make me normal without my consent or input" I think people should be aware of that actually I think it's more important than arguing over labels.

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[dustteller]

I am fully convinced that in a modern AU Esen and Ouyang would be absolutely insufferable. Esen refuses to shut up about how his boyfriend is the coolest, most capable, bestest man ever. Ouyang will get constantly distracted looking at Esen's biceps and will ditch on anything to go make out with him. They fuck like rabbits but it's exclusively really shitty 3 minute sex bc neither of them have heard of the concept of foreplay before. Esen thinks he's very good at sex and Ouyang knows he's not, but he's got a massive fetish for Esen's dumb bullshit which apparently also applies to the mediocre intercourse bc he's a freak.

Ma hates having to hear them and is desperately trying to evict them from her gf's apartment bc she never wants to see Ouyang's crappy face again. Baoxiang refuses to hang out with his brother bc he's so tired of every conversation turning into talking about Ouyang. Xu Da is grimacing bc he's pretty sure their whole deal probably isn't healthy, but like, at least they're happy? That's good, right? He's trying very hard to remain optimistic. And Zhu is incredibly disappointed bc THIS is the choice Ouyang makes once he gets past all his repressed bullshit? All that effort, and he decides to shack up with the most mediocre frat boy business major she has ever met? She should have let him remain homophobic. The two of them are known on campus for being that annoying couple that is way too extra and slobers all over each other in public, and everyone just averts their eyes in second-hand embarrassment. Esen doesn't even go here. When they graduate, the whole campus lets out a sigh of relief bc no one wants to deal with them. They're public menaces of the highest degree and no one can stand them and they literally Do Not Care bc they're just basking in the bliss of a relationship that's the queer equivalent of your straight friend and her awful tinder dates she's obsessed with.

[notdeezy]

Aw geez. Okay. Guess I'll talk about that too since I've seen it on my dash

I try to avoid queer discourse especially on pride month but I'll just give my two cents here so i guys know where I stand on this I guess. No I don't want further discussions, I'm tired.

I don't like the hostility towards afab people who identify as transfem. I understand where it comes from. I understand the resentment because afab transfems don't face a lot of the real life struggles and discrimination that amab transfems face. And at first the term "afab transfem" sounds like an oxymoron so it's easier to dismiss its validity.

But saying stuff like "AFAB TRANSFEM ISN'T REAL IT CAN'T EXIST!! YOU'RE INFILTRATING TRANS SPACES!!" is too broad of a statement to make to not hurt other marginalized groups and ironically enough only ends up being exclusionary.

The type of people I've seen claim the label afab transfems are usually systems, intersex people, multigender people, ftmtf... and they're not trying to erase what it means to be a Trans woman or invading Trans spaces. They're trying to find a label that fits their gender journey.

The argument especially starts becoming iffy when it basically reverts back to "Genital = Gender" which sounds like TERF rhetoric and I am NOT touching that with a 10ft pole.

IF there are cis women trying to infiltrate Trans spaces by pretending to be trans like yeah, fucking call them out. Get their asses. But they're not being afab transfems, they're being assholes.

Everyone's gender journey is different and weird and scary, especially if you end up identifying with a gender that doesn't fit the "norm" and in the end you don't know these people or what their gender journey is. There are a million reasons someone might not feel cis. These people should be welcomed, not harassed.

At the end of the day in the eyes of Transphobic legislators we all look the same to them and they all hate us equally. So infighting is just dumb and unnecessary. Especially when afab transfems are such a miniscule minority in the queer community they cannot feasibly pose any threat to other Trans people. It's their lives, not yours, if they're not harming anyone, let them be.

[xdead-dove-dinnerx]

Am I the only one who gets annoyed by posts like these?

"[character] is so complex but people only care about their sexuality/gender/shipping them with [other character] 🤮🥺!!!"

I can say "Character is clearly gay/trans because x y and z" and still know they have other traits??? Are you implying that if I say they're queer/ship them with someone else then by default they have no other personality?

Especially since so often it's about a clearly queer coded character and the people who "only care" about their sexuality/ship are just tired of queer erasure in media? Yet usually the posts are targeting only people who argue the character is queer, not those adamantly (and often homophobicly) denying all queer coding.

Or things like "If you call [character] a 'gay twink', I'll literally shoot you!"

Twink is literally just a slang term in gay culture for effeminate men, saying an effeminate gay person somehow can't have any personality and that it's 'dumbing them down' is sexist (implying femininity somehow equals less personality/complexity???), homophobic, or both???

Or am I just taking these too seriously?

[elodieunderglass]

Good day! 🙏 I know that this might come inappropriate to ask for a favor like this but I just wanted to ask if you could possibly share or boost the post I pinned for my cat. We're in desperate need of help right now. I hope youd consider, if not I understand dont worry. Be safe always! Btw, happy late valentines to you! Pls consider sending me a msg instead of replying the ask publicly, if its fine or maybe answer it privately 🙏

Scammer, sweetheart, I am fascinated by you. Are you one person making about $1000 a month preying on kind people who have very little money themselves? Is $1000 a lowball or do you actually make a wage? Is this your living? Are you a parasite for a living, or is it just a hobby? I mean, you raise enough to invest in checkmarks on your account, which is cute.

Or are you an exploited person who is being forced through circumstances to farm for gold, the profit of which is taken by the crime syndicate that is keeping you captive. Stealing cat photos and sob stories, making fake victim stories and researching which little fandoms will make you seem most real, when you are yourself the one who needs help (not the latest fake cat.) are there a group of you, with a target to meet, swapping tips to meet the quota? Is that why it’s always a cat, did you work out that people pay the most for cats or something?

I hope it’s the first situation: it means I can make fun of you as much as I like. But if it’s the second, that feels awful. And I do worry that it’s the second, because if it was the first, you’d have enough memory in your little noggin not to bother me. Because you blocked me, babes, when I pointed out there was no cat, and we all killed you. So I worry it’s the second scenario.

I suppose you could be a group of giggling unpleasant teens in a bedroom? Maybe Mean Girls who started off making tumblr accounts for a coordinated bullying attack, but ended up accidentally running a bot farm. Maybe young forum-dwellers who think it’s a particularly delicious twist to squeeze the silly tumblr queers too dumb to know better and use the cash to finance right-wing YouTubers. Maybe this is what the trained kids who are paid to run psy-ops during election years do in the off-cycle. But I do worry about a bleary room over-full of tired people, badly fed, badly housed, grimly slapping 🙏 emojis by hand on a thousand messages. I always feel bad hanging up on spam callers when you hear the great dreary hangar of phones and callers all around them. Nobody wants to be involved in the conversation but the scam callers have a quota to meet, a set amount of cash to extract from the faceless marks, and so they power bleakly through the latest script with a hundred other trapped people doing the same. What are your bosses like?

Are you doing this against your will, @the-nonbinary-witch? Next time, come to me right away put some emojis in indicating that you need help. A few skulls will tip me off.

[showtoonzfan]

I’m trying so hard not to rant about that dumb idiotic thread on criticism that Viv wrote the other day on how she thinks criticism is nothing but shitting on others work and how you can’t get a job in the professional industry if you do critique, and I just…..I’m tired. I did say I would stop ranting about her as a person and yeah I am done doing that but whoo boy….all I can say is that you can tell Viv has a gigantic ego problem and was pampered, being put on a pedestal the majority of her life and knows nothing about how the real world works because she’s always been given special treatment. Every time I hear she had another twitter meltdown, I just keep picturing the image of a baby kicking and screaming while a bunch of people surround it and offer millions of candy and toys to make it feel better, aka a spoiled princess. Like sis, everyone loves you and everyone supports your stuff at the end of the day, you literally have nothing to bitch about, a few negative criticism reviews on YouTube ain’t ganna hurt you. Get off the internet and grow thicker skin, because if you did have thick skin and can take criticism like you’ve so desperately been trying to prove to everyone, you wouldn’t be making these threads in the first place.

And please shut the fuck up about the “no one understands queer media”- bullshit, you literally have no right to pull that card when EVERY single gay character you write is a hyper sexual horny guy obsessed with cock. Maybe learn how to write gay characters better and understand LGBTQ+ media yourself Hm?

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

It's so annoying to see people in the tag comparing Byler to other queer ships that didn't happen like no Byler is unique and wasn't made by bad writers. Idk if you were in one of those fandoms but it would be amazing if you could explain to all those people why Byler was written differently because I am tired of the classic: "they are queerbaiting you,deal with it". I am like :" wow they queerbaited the Lgbt+ community and the heterosexuals too then because a huge majority of the GA audiences who see Byler aren't from the Lgbt+ community". They also made the "main" ship do unlikeable that it lost at least 40% of their supporters between season 3 and season 4.

Well, I can see where they're coming from, even if I don't agree.

I have never been involved in a fandom before, but I have been a fan of shows/movies where I thought "so and so would make a good couple" only for nothing to come of it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, though. This is the first time I've ever thought it was going to happen, and I've felt that way since season 2. Each season since has left me disappointed, as I don't want it to be a final episode "twist" in order to avoid losing fans, but it's still only become more and more obvious to me that it's inevitable.

I think a lot of fans get caught up in headcanons, particularly between seasons. As a result, they end up forgetting what is actually canon, and they create elaborate predictions that just don't fit the reality.

Yes, queerbaiting is a thing. I'm not familiar with many of the fandoms that this is used with, but I'll give the fans the benefit of the doubt on it. If a show hints at a queer couple, that's not enough for it to be queerbaiting. But if they continually build it up, only for it to go nowhere, then it might be. If they actively use it as a means to market the show, then it definitely is.

Without knowing more about specific fandoms, it's hard for me to make any direct comparisons. I suppose, should, somehow, Byler not be endgame, then I'll probably understand a lot better. However, I will also be extremely confused and will have lost considerable respect for the Duffers as writers.

However, Byler is a unique animals, as far as I can tell. It's something that has had seeds planted to it from the very beginning of the show. It's not some response to fans that the producers felt they could then exploit for marketing/merchandising purposes. It may not have been obvious back in season 1, but the clues were there. There was no retconning done to make Byler fit. There was no sly stoking of the flames in the fandom to get fans excited about it. That all happened organically as more and more people caught on.

I don't think the Duffers are dumb. They built a slowburn same-sex romance between main characters over the course of an entire top-tier series. As much as it annoyed me that it's taken this long, it does make the most sense, both in-universe and as a matter of mass appeal. Both the fans and the characters themselves had to come to terms with teen boys falling in love in the 80s. That's not something to be rushed if it's to be taken seriously.

Will, the one we've been told was gay, has come to terms with his feelings, only to come to the conclusion that it's not meant to be.

Mike, the one we've seen to have more-than-friendly feelings for Will, is still not ready, yet.

Season 5 will be the catalyst for Mike to realize what his deep feelings for Will really mean, so he can show Will that love is something for him to experience.

[birdsareblooming]

im so tired of having to defend myself on both sides

like. ok. i'm queer right. bi, demigender, aro, etc. also you know a girl, demi or not. all the time i have to defend myself from american christians who via mistranslations and misinterpretations spread by horrible leaders for generations have been led into a cult-like hierarchy that tells them to hate me when hate for us isn't in their book or supposed to be in their ways.

i'm also "christian". i hesitate to use the full term because of how bad american christianity has gotten. but i believe in the same god nontheless. every day i feel i have to defend myself from queer people as well

like. i so get it. as i have just established american and european christianity has gotten so fucked up and literally off-script that i'm shocked we haven't gotten another 95 thesis and a completely new branch. it's awful horrible and people who believe in such ideas should not be in power. to the point where calling myself a christian feels wrong. at least in america.

i need ya'll to have some nuance.

firstly the understanding that those who hate queer people, non-white people in any form, women, whatever else. isn't even in the text they follow. people have misused it since it was written. preaching just the verse saying wives should care for their husbands and not the one right after saying husbands should love their wives. taking out verses referring to god's "womb." about adam might not even being a man, as in, more likely nonbinary, the verse about david getting an errection when hugging johnathan. changing verses about cleanliness into women and men not wearing the same cloths. changing verses about cultural codes and allowing a world where people have to resort to prositution into verses condemning homosexuality. [X]

like. you know the matrix. was written as a trans metaphor. then a bunch of alpha sigma grindset rich white boys took it and appropriated it, misinterpreted it, used it to boost themselves and hurt women. it's like that. those people don't make the matrix a bad movie, they just don't know it's a trans metaphor. and trans people who enjoy the matrix are like. normal and cool.

as you can see i am passionate about this. i have all this stuff memorized not only to defend my queerness but my christianity as im doing now.

there are queer christians. there are certainly poc christians as right now, south america and south africa have the highest christian populations, to the point where they're sending missionaries to america.

again i'm asking for some nuance. when i see posts basically saying "the christian god is dumb" or "satan was right actually" and blantent misinformation about what the bible says. like those kind of posts hurt my heart. my god made me queer and loves me for it, i believe in a kind god, most good christians do. i feel like other religions don't get this treatment and it's just to spiritually piss off your catholic parents.

speaking of, in doing so you seem to forget about other abrahamic religions.

i once saw a post criticizing something directly from the old testament, out of context of course. saying god was cruel and the belives were flawed and all this due to one verse. people tend to forget, or not know, that the "old testament" is the tenoch. slightly different book order, same writings.

christians, muslims, jewish people, worship the same god. different names for god, some god, same base. if you make jokes about christianty willy-nilly, you're going to accidentally hit someone else. and even if you don't, you may hurt someone still.

it doesn't hurt because i think it's "sacrilegious" or i think you're going to hell. it hurts because my community doesn't care. my community doesn't see the nuance in people and decided a specific religion is the enemy. a specific group of people is the enemy. ive been marked as the enemy

it's casual jokes to you, to me it's making fun of my god

listen, by all means make fun of the assholes. i make fun of them every day. millionaires who use privet jets than preach and love to overlook the many verses condemning the rich and saying rich people don't go to heaven. people saying that as a woman of god you shouldn't enjoy sex. weirdos online and irl that seem to think patorizing random people will get them to church. dumb white people. it's great. fuckn. mormons and jehovah's witness leaders who are straight up running a cult based on a thread of the original intention. and it's funny because they're the assholes.

but don't attack the base religion itself. understand that the religion isn't inherently harmful, certain branches, beliefs, misinterpretations, and leaders certainly are. but please be kind to the people who are normal

before you make a post saying you're gonna. i dont know 'kill the uncaring god' that you're hurting people like me, any abrahamic religion, anyone who believes in a god possibly. also that's basically my parent, it's like you're insulting my awesome mom to my face bc my older sibling sucks. like thats just mean to her for no reason.

i'm just. tired. im stuck in the middle and i hate that i have to make this post because like. this is my home and my people and im tired of seeing this shit from my peers and family. just. have nuance. care about people. don't just say shit about a religion if you don't know its true.

im tired.