#i am left yearning

[elixyzlio]

Me when Spiderdads and I have the ability to write (coming soon ??? Maybe??)

[comfort-character-central]

I want to hold my f/o, I want to hug my f/o, I want to scream into the void about how much I adore my f/o, and I want to show my f/o how much they mean to me, I want to protect my f/o at all costs, I want to giggle because of my f/o, and I want to show my f/o the love they deserve.

[cranity]

tell us about Santos :3c...

My tav Santos!! He's a fighting x rogue class tiefling who's a bit worn out in life, but doesn't stop him from being the rock of the party. He's 143 years old and a seasoned weapons maker, tho it's been a few years since he's kept up with the craft. He dabbled a bit as a mercenary in his 90's, but ultimately ended up as a bartender in Baldur's Gate yearning to go back to guildwork. [Which is when he got abducted, after a shift]

Personality wise he's not the loudest nor quietest of the group (choosing to be the listener a bit more than be the talker). He can seem quite serious, but is relatively easy-going and is known to give some of his own snark back when need be. He's a realist with a good heart, but won't hesitate to lie himself (and party) out of situations and attempt questionable persuasive maneuvers to at least avoid some unnecessary bloodshed. (Tho sometimes he goes a little too far with the snappy remarks at enemies that leads to greater bloodshed)

He has a well of unwavering patience for his party members in the emotional sense, but gets incredibly exasperated by their antics and rivalry (looks at Shadowheart & Lae'zel, Gale & Astarion). He doesn't know what he's gonna do after they defeat the Absolute, but for now he'll just try and make sure that everyone in his party makes it out of this in one piece.

[Santos' tent, he collects enchanted weapons and borrows Lae'zel's grinder often]

Character Relationships:

He gets along very well with Jaheira since they have a very similar sense of humor, their friendly jabs turn into some very confusing flirting for the rest of the party. Likes to poke fun at Gale, who has a bit of a crush on him. Santos has some propensity for magic and spellcasting, but it's unrefined and he never bothered to do much with it, tho he does like to ask Gale to teach him a thing or two when they have the downtime and he has access to a wizard with knowledge that loves to talk. He rebuffed Astarion's advances quite quickly, especially since he realized why he was doing it, but they remained good friends regardless, which it seems Astarion really needed. He lets Astarion feed off of enemies since they're gonna kill them anyways, but offers himself in case if emergencies. He's really good friends with Wyll and Karlach and can be found sharing a drink often in their downtime, both of them having Santos barking with laughter. He's not much of a meddler, but he'll leave their hang outs to leave both of them alone in hopes it'll inspire something.

He and Lae'zel have an unspoken camaraderie as fighters and weapon masters, and she likes that he'll give her bullshit right back. He likes sparring with her bcs she has him eating shit and landing on his ass, but he learns a lot. He butts heads a bit with Shadowheart and Halsin, but they eventually remain on friendly terms and respect each other. Santos killed Minthara and has yet to meet Minsc.

[min-xie]

help i cant stop drawing fem neuvillette

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

[ante--meridiem]

To socialise or not to socialise, that is the question.

[piratekane]

28!

twenty-eight: how long has it been since you've slept?

trigger warning: character death

Beatrice is tired.

She carries a weariness that settles in her body, a bone-deep ache that wakes her most mornings. There are days where it hurts to open her eyes, stings when she breaths. Her hands, once her greatest weapon, seem to be her greatest weakness now. She drops things, can’t quite grasp them between her fingers. Her body tightens as she bends to pick them up, just to lose them again.

She is getting old. And she is tired.

She spends her days in the east wing and her nights in the west. She likes to track the path of the sun, seeing each day pass in a slow progression as it climbs higher and higher in the sky until finally, like her, it sinks back down into the horizon to fight for another day. She hurts more on the sun-less days when the clouds push at the windows, threatening to break them. But then the sun comes up again, she walks from the east to the west, and she says a prayer for another day.

At night, she dreams. Always the same one, always the same place. She’s back in that small apartment, stretched out on a lumpy mattress with her toes nearly hanging off the end. A blanket is pulled over her head and the air is hot and there’s hair sticking to her cheeks, but she is smiling and Ava-

Ava is always there. Ava is always smiling back at her.

Beatrice is old. And she is yearning.

“Bea,” a voice whispers.

Ava is here. Ava is smiling at her.

A hand curls around hers, strong fingers dancing over the peaks and valleys. Beatrice follows it for a moment, lost in the feeling, before she remembers Ava is the one the fingers lead to. She inhales, lungs aching at the pressure.

“Ava.”

Ava’s smile widens. “I always liked the way you said my name. Have I ever told you that?”

No, but she knew.

Ava walks her fingers over the thin skin of Beatrice’s wrist. “You grew up,” she says casually. “But I always thought older women were hot, you know?” She grins, all teeth. “Not that you were ever not hot. With and without the whole nun get-up. You were a… wait, I remember hearing this once…” Her forehead wrinkles as she thinks. “A smoke show?”

Beatrice laughs. “I don’t know.”

Ava shrugs, uncaring, but her voice quiets. “It’s been a while.”

“I grew up.”

Then Ava’s smile is just as quiet. “I tried, you know. I- I fought, every day. To come back to you. You know that, right?”

Beatrice drops her weathered hand over Ava’s. “I know you did.” She shifts in her seat, the soft back of the armchair she’s picked today easing the ache. “I know you would have if you could have.”

“I guess it’s the next for us, yeah?” Ava let’s go of her hand, settles for leaving her fingers curled in the soft sweater Beatrice chose today. “I just kind of hoped it was this one.”

There’s a million things she wants to say. It was this one for her. And it’ll be the next for both of them. But her thoughts get tangled, the words knot in her mouth, and a yawn escapes, unbidden.

Beatrice is old. And she is tired.

Ava’s eyes watch her curiously. “How long has it been since you’ve slept?” She strokes a hand down over the curve of Beatrice’s cheek. “You’re never good at taking care of yourself.”

Beatrice tries to remember, but she can’t. Maybe the last time she rested was years ago, tucked into the Swiss Alps and Ava’s side. Maybe it’s been that long, the peace in those moments never following her through the days and months and years since Ava. But Ava looks at her as if she knows.

“Come on.” Ava’s eyes, honeyed in sunlight, sparkle. “For old times sake?”

Ava doesn’t have to ask; Beatrice will say yes to anything, if it means Ava will stay close. It takes effort, bones creaking, but she manages to shuffle to the side, create a bit of space for Ava to slide in next to her, fitting their bodies together as if they were never apart.

She sighs, the tiredness ebbing away as a contentedness takes its place.

“Sleep, Bea.” A hand strokes into her hair, scratches lightly at her scalp. “And in the morning, we’ll be in the next.”

Beatrice, alone in her chair, closes her eyes for the last time.

[theworldisabrokenbonebutitishome]

They say don't open old wounds, but this is still brand new.

And I've got nothing left to lose, besides you.

I've already lost you once, what more could you do?

Old Wounds - Pvris

yearning fill for guardian bingo fest

[lesbianfakir]

Not saying anything I haven’t already said but it’s 2 in the morning and I have feelings about this!! I want more queerplatonic art and interpretations in the tutu fandom sooooo bad. I keep coming back to how it’s so rare to have a show of this genre where the boy and the girl stay friends without any pressure to make their relationship “something more,” and that really resonates.

It’s not a bad thing but it’s a little sad to me that the tag is so focused on romantic shipping when there are so many other ways to explore the relationships in the show. I would love to see more people engaging with the text in ways that don’t fit in with the conventional relationship script.

Duck feels she is lacking in some fundamental human quality, a narrative that is so very often, an aspec one. For a show that’s so entrenched in amatonormativity I connected with the narrative of tutu in a way that I do with so few shows because it feels so fundamentally aspec. And I want to explore the shit out of that!!

The way the show develops it’s central relationships really resonates with me—rather being built upon some nebulous attraction the foundation of many central relationships come from a place of deep admiration. There is no expectation that that admiration must blossom into romance. At the end of the day, the world is saved through a friendship. There’s no NEED for it to be anything else because that love is complete just as it is. There’s no lack felt—only the strength of what’s already there.

And that said, I feel like when engaging with fanwork that quality is often missing. The idea that these relationships hold the same strength and validity whether they’re platonic or romantic doesn’t always carry through. And don’t get me wrong, I love to see a cute couple. But I wish there was more exploration of the weird nebulous up to interpretation not-quite-romantic, not-quite-platonic relationships the show gives us. It can go either way so it’s so strange to me that fandom tends to gravitate towards only one outcome to these options

Anyways, this is my rallying cry, JOIN ME IN QUEERING PRINCESS TUTU

[miodiodavinci]

googles how to experience the utter cessation of all desire and ultimate submission to the cruel mechanics of document writing and being hazed

[visdiefje]

It's so wild and refreshing to me to want to be HERE. In my country. In my general area. Where I am

[rubarb69]

I need to stop ignoring my nature, i need to get weirder and be more of an asshole

[backroadboy]

the thing is, I know it wouldn't change anything, but damn I really want to leave everything behind

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN

anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today

NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE

that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.

my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!

[babydollbluexoxo]

As I grow older and realize what it means to be a woman, I've begun to mourn the possibility of a "traditional" life. I mourn the fact that I will never be able to create a child with someone Im in love with, because, no matter how hard I've tried, I cannot love a man. I mourn the fact that I cannot give a woman a child, not in the way I want. And I've grown and accepted this fact and for the most part I've loved being a lesbian. But as I grow older and realize how important family is, how sacred and beautiful childbirth is, and what it truly means to *create* a child with someone you love, I want to scream at the universe at how unfair it is that I'll never be able to experience that. And logically I know that families can be created in many different and beautiful ways. I'm old enough to begin to understand the beauty of a family, but too young to truly understand the multiple ways one can be created. Perhaps I can't understand simply because I've never seen any other way in my immediate life. I hate how so many women feel their worth is equated to their ability to give birth, and I hate how I've fallen victim to it - is this just universal womanhood?

[eirvosol]

im sorry guys i really don't fucking care if a ship is morally dubious if it is so heart wrenchingly constructed and built upon a questionably unhealthy sense of devotion to each other. morally dubious ships that would end the whole world if it meant they could stay in each others arms, ships that do not cower from the violence of each other but seek it and willingly drown it, where "sometimes i imagine what blood looks like on your hands". the "a hero would let their love die to save the world, a villain would let the whole world die to save their love" trope. committing heinous acts while the other watches with dilated eyes, that erase their pupils so deeply that only darkness is left. rough kisses and promises of always. blind devotion and reverence in the sight of the other. displaying coldness and violence to others, but kneeling to each other in such softness, in such adoration, leaving light kisses upon the other's fingertips. equally intelligent and powerful and deriving mutual obsession from it. ships that are traced in blood and violence. ships that eat you up from the inside and leave nothing but devastation in it's path. the enemies to lovers, but we find each other within our evil. the absence of slowburn as the understanding of each other says "this is what i've been chasing for, this is what i would die and kill for". that pining, that yearning that digs into your very soul, ripping your organs out so they can find a home near your heart. leaving bites and bruises in the evening, only to caress them with such soft fondness and affection in the morning. the "let them see what they have decided to love" and the other responding, not with fear but, with hunger. tracing each other's scars. understanding each other in ways that no one else can. stomach dropping at the other almost being killed and leaving endless destruction at the possibility. finding each other, not in light, but in darkness. give me that and i do not care what the ship is, i will blindly revere it in a way they would each other.