#i am not as funny as alistair

[kit-o-nine-tales]

Alistair is smart; he just doesn’t want people to realize it. I want to call him king for that, but…. sgjdhdkekkd THAT’S HIS WHOLE PROBLEM.

[grandadtwelve]

“UNIT DATING” CONTROVERSY

UNIT “DATING” CONTROVERSY

[perilegs]

i think one of my favourite parts about da:o are how companions react to you switching to controlling them. it's so neat how at the beginning of your warden's relationship to each character, they respond with a fairly negative way to being told what to do by the warden, and it evolves to more neutral, and eventually positive responses. i just love hearing it!

[themournwatcher]

liveblogging my origins playthrough because why not. shoutout to naoise saying "see there? that's a trap" before promptly walking into it and triggering it. best rogue ever

[sleepys-sunny-garden]

haiiiiiiiii how's yousssssss :3333

oh god a tranny get it away! ahhh!

[shivunin]

Poor alistair running around Howe's dungeon in his tighty-whities bc the game unequipped his armor when he took off the guard outfit and now he can't put it back on 🙃

[mazojo]

Manifesting Briony and Alistair as besties in all of our demise

[littlerune]

seeing "i am so sad there isn't a princely romance option like alistair or cullen in veilguard" comments is so funny to me because, while alistair may literally be a prince, both of them have such big loser dork energy to me (spoken so lovingly) when you first meet them that i must assume we have very different ideas of "princely"

[banj0possum]

Alistair x (platonically) Teen Reader

In the fic he is like oh my god a bride, he walks in and instead of an adult..or a bride-

They find a teen, who literally threw a pebble at him, an angsty teen💀

I’m very happy to read ur fics and usually pair them with teen/child mc because I find it funny because they expect the love of their life

and teen mc standing there :🧍‍♂️

anyways sorry for the long request, luv ur writing, and ur art :D

Yandere! Evil King x Teen! GN! Reader

CW: platonic relationship, Alistair is a bit of a DILF so do with it as you will, Dads are hot you guys!! READER IS A MINOR.

👑 Who is this sassy lost child?

👑 His minions kidnapped you while you were on a carriage ride back to your kingdom.

👑 He was hoping for like a princess or something to marry and take over the kingdom with or whatever so like...what tf he gonna do with you???

👑 Clearly you were too young to be in a situation like this, but theres no way he's giving you back without a reward, so yes he still holds you for ransom.

👑 "Child, I am Alistair, King of-ACk!"

👑 Did...did you throw a pillow at him?!

👑 "How dare yo- AHK! Stop it!" another one..

👑 You refuse to listen to anything he says, you just wanted to go home

👑 You two had a bit of rivalry for a bit. He hated you and you hated him.

👑 He promised not to show any affection or care towards you since in his eyes, your actions didn't deserve it. How can someone be so rude to a king !?

👑 But he starts to notice you don't eat much. He never sees you in the dining hall and has only seen quick moments of you nibbling on some bread or pastries the servants gave you.

👑 He scoffed, so irresponsible! You must eat a proper meal right this second or you'll starve!

👑 You're surprised to see a meal prepared for you during your routine trip to get a snack from the pantry with a note on the plate.

👑 "Next time, ask for a proper meal. I don't want your parents to think I've been starving you. -Alistair P.S. go to bed early."

👑 Huh...

👑 Alistair smiled from the doorway of the dining hall, watching you eat up with a smile on your face. You might have been too scared of him to ask for food so you've been sneaking snacks while he wasn't looking.

👑 Of course he wasn't doing it because he cared about you, he just didn't want royalty like you to resort to such pathetic means to eat!

👑 Why are you still sad? Perhaps he should get you some things to keep your attention..

👑 He asks (threateningly may I add) about your hobbies or interests.

👑 The next morning your cell (which has been upgraded to a lovely room in the castle because he didn't want you to be filthy and gross in a dungeon) was filled with anything he could find that he thought you'd enjoy.

👑 Don't think he wants you to be happy! He's just tired of seeing you sulk everywhere!

👑 He denies everything, but you swear you could see a tiny smile on his face when you hugged him happily.

👑 You start being a little more open to him, showing him anything you've made or done with pride and he'd receive it gratefully, but he won't show it of course.

👑 "I made you this friendship bracelet!"

👑 "I've seen better jewelry."

👑 "Oh I'll take it back then I guess.."

👑 "No, it's mine now, back off."

👑 Drawings and the like that he said would be thrown out as soon as you left would be seen framed in his room

👑 It would be a..waste of good canvas..

👑 And of course he buys a few books of your choice for you to read, he'd be damned if your brain turns to mush.

👑 Bro bro he'd be the type to let you swing around while holding onto his bicep.

👑 If you ever have any problems, or come to him in a bad mood, he'd have no idea how to help other than to sit down and listen to your troubles.

👑 He's not the most physical when it comes to affection, but you bet your ass he's gonna do everything he can to cheer you up.

👑 At this point he's rewriting his demands for the ransom. Either your kingdom lets him sign some adoption papers or he's starting a war.

[vigilskeep]

I wonder if the implication is tainted blood can be passed down? like “hey you could possibly be damning your kid to an early and gruesome death on the off chance of them also being born with the blight”? And ergo is the implication that being a grey warden is also, therefore, hereditary, to try and stave off that death? Is there a chance that could’ve been Alistair’s fate, being Fiona’s son, if she hadn’t have been cured? Was he always gonna end up in the damn grey wardens???

including also this anon bc its a similar note:

anon: literally alistair's lines about wardens having kids single-handedly inspired an entire month or two where i was like can you IMAGINE alistair and romanced warden having a kid born with the taint . immediately doomed to a shorter lifespan immediately a little uncanny . able to sense darkspawn from childhood . having to hide them from scrutiny both by the nobles of ferelden and the wardens of weisshaupt . and also if anora can't have kids/alistair is solo king and old men are still scheming for the calenhad bloodline (sigh) their options for succession would be kieran (a mage born to a witch of the wilds who grew up in the ORLESIAN COURT) or a tainted potentially half-elf / half-dwarf / mage-blood . succession crisis TWO ! eamon is rolling in his grave . anyway . i am normal about dragon age lore . i hope you have a lovely day .

all CRAZY. incredible stuff.

i think alistair and/or king/queen cousland should have a weird little eldritch tainted heir, born with the song of the blight for a lullaby. i think it would be funny. i think anora should have a strange warden baby as enrichment for her enclosure

[speremint]

which da character would each of the bnr gang most project onto

JASDLKFJSLKEFJ STOP THAT'S SUCH A GOOD QUESTION LOL...

Let me think...

Bea:

Probably Hawke? literally just chilling, but constantly having an unending pile of shit falling into their lap as they're trying to fuckin pay a mortgage 😭😭 +bonus points for protagonist energy

Laz:

Zevran. Suave but traumatized❤️ Truly an absolute sweetheart, but just yk. Maybe did some questionable things perhaps a murder or two in the past, but he's just a funny lil guy and it's his birthday dw about it. Tbh Alistair might also fit, but given Zevran's part of a murder group, just a bit of a fuckup, I think it fit a little better.

Alex:

OK LET ME TELL Y'ALL, I am STRUGGLING with Alex. I am going to TENTATIVELY say Cullen. BUT. Well meaning person who's haunted by their past. I think Alex is also a classic romantic MINUS THE DEMON SUMMONMING OK, LET ME EXPLAIN- and he has yk. A bit of a history and struggle with demons.

Amira:

Varric, *BUT. I don't think she's as unconditional as Varric is. She's obviously a lot more willing to put her foot down, but she's the mature chill one who's good at sort of keeping a group together if needed. She's just a fun person to be around.

Ginger:

don't ask me to elaborate, I won't.

[malvolios-yellow-stockings]

I'm getting DA:O brainworms again, but there's something so delicious about unhardened Warden Alistair growing into an unrequited (but actually kind of requited) love for (Mage) Warden who romances Morrigan and leaves him behind. Like, there's this one person who's been trying to convince you of good in this world, telling you not to grow cold, this person who was your right hand man, or, moreso you were his. This boy basically, you stumbled upon, who experienced the real world for the first time with you by his side. A man you walked Ferelden up and down with. Someone you've entrusted your life to and spilt blood for and who has done the same for you. A friend who has indulged your fancies, who reluctantly did things for you, who helped you bury a king who hadn't treated him kindly. And you've never really had feelings for anyone before him, at least like this, and you don't know what they are. And then you see him mingle with the Witch of the Wilds. See how he looks at her, trying to be cocky to impress her. See her twist this man into making decisions you're sure he'd never agree to were she not there to whisper it to him. And when you turn to the rest of your companions, they mock you and warp your concern. You are ready to give your life for this man, if it means slaying the Archdemon and ending the Blight but he speaks of some Dark Ritual. And it makes your soul grow weary and scared. And then Morrigan disappears and you finally think to yourself - this was for the best. But your friend is inconsolable. He talks of her with a fog over his eyes and a wistfulness that tugs at your chest. You try to keep him close to you but can feel him slipping away as you lose most of your contact. Maybe it's for the best. You hear of his exploits while on your missions with the Wardens. You try to keep away from him because seeing him once again makes you remember how it once was. It makes you flinch to remember his attempt at making you a king to rule beside Anora. The cold calculation of it all, his action unrecognisable to you. How much even the thought of it hurt. Maybe he hadn't been your friend? Maybe he hadn't understood you after all. But you joke about it, try to make it funny in your head. He's surely like a brother to you. Who couldn't forgive their brethren? And then you hear of his disappearance. The worst thoughts present themselves to your Taint-bitten imagination. And then you realize what he was doing. Some or other mention it, a mirror of some kind, something elven, you think, (maybe he was finding his heritage?) And then you hear it whispered. Morrigan, Flemeth's daughter. Yes, that Flemeth, they say. And you've never felt more betrayed in your life. You never got to say goodbye to him. To throw a jab one last time. And you grow bitter, because isn't it grand to finally understand that everyone leaves you in the end. You were born a royal bastard but you were an expendable means to an end and you will always be. And you abort this love and twist yourself into a leader because you know how much Thedas needs you, people like you, even though the place itself and the people around you might not. You still think of him from time to time. What became of Morrigan and him, but you forget the sound of his voice and the way he brightened your days and made you believe in something better. What remains is a dull sense of betrayal and bitterness with the man who turned on his principles and left you behind. And, Maker, it makes you twist with guilt. Get over it, you think, he has chosen a dark path.

(Mind y'all -

- I refuse to believe that the whole of Ferelden doesn't know why the HoF disappeared (when he goes with Morrigan). I just refuse to buy into it.

- I'm writing this at 2 fucking am and so working at 5% brain battery and 2% coherence and I'm not caught up on DA lore - I'm currently playing Inquisition, about 50 hours in, and have just met with Alistair again, which is what pushed me to write this drabble anyways.

- His painful and palpably disappointed dialogue about the Warden walking a dark path and the way the party reacts to his concern over the Warden being with Morrigan in Origins always kind of make me feel a pinch of what if? Alistair repressed bisexual

- Surana is my fave Warden as is apparent

- I am fully aware I am UPPING THE ANGST and I say - I want more!)

[r4c3rr]

i am becoming an aouv shitposting blog

if i could i would post some funny haha art but i cant be fucked beating up artblock so im gonna just fester in my own frustration that i dont have the motivation to draw something funny

anyway some more, idk someone tell me if the fandom's grown or shrunk since june

gonna do some incorrect quotes after this digging for ultraspecific memes that remind me of aouv characters is fuckin hard

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reid:

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elionor:

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gavin @ alistair before they got together:

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hendry:

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

I have once again just made a new character entirely

Design notes under the cut

Alright so I broke some of my own rules but in my defense this was hard because of the choices I had made of my own free will

So, I wanted to have some bunny traits, and I wanted them to be really obvious. I took some inspiration from the rabbitfolk/harengon in 5e dnd, and I really wanted her to be able to leap like a rabbit while in her humanoid form, so I just said fuck it and gave her full rabbit legs. Where does the human end and the rabbit begin? Hell if I know, I just thought this looked cool. Gave her pale eyes, buck teeth, big ol' floppy ears, all the prime bunny traits.

Outfit wise, I had to get creative. Because of the weird rabbit anatomy I had to make sure that her outfit was very loose, so she's the least Victorian of the wonderlandians. She's got a cowl and a short cape, which I wanted to emulate the silhouette of some kind of royal messenger. This is a bit mean, but I also always was kinda under the impression that the White Rabbit was kind of there to be cowardly under the Queen of Hearts, and that she found it funny. The outfit still needed a complicating factor, so I put an extra layer on the cowl with some bells attached like a jesters outfit. I thought it would also be cute if she made jingle jangle sounds whenever she was running around, so you always knew where she was headed to next. If Maddie gets shoes that go *HONK* then Bunny gets bells that go *jingle jangle jingle jangle*

The goggles and gloves add some value contrast, but they're also practical! Since Alistair is so impulsively curious (both the love and bane of her existence) she's always ready for an impromptu chemical experiment. Eye protection is important, and you really don't want your hands in caustic materials! She loves his curiosity and excitement, but it can be stressful trying to make sure he doesn't die while blinded by the promise of science

They still have a semi-romantic relationship going on, but instead of the obnoxious "oh but they could NEVER like someone like me!" It's more just... Unaddressed? They've been so close for so long that everybody just assumes they're together, but they've never actually put any kind of label on it or talked about it with eachother. It's just kind of irrelevant to their dynamic

I am considering an alternative to that relationship because somehow simultaneously I think Bunny admires and loves Alistairs brilliant curiosity and that their relationship has "he once asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was and now I dream of kissing him in the moonlight" vibes

She, like most wonderland kids, doesn't really care about or consider the destiny conflict, but she doesn't have more friends on either side, so she's not aligned with either

[rockwgooglyeyes]

hey rock! would it be alright to know if your ocs got any opinions on azure? :D

*me searching for my own inbox* it's hiding from me . . . oh wait no I'm just stupid anwyays HIIII ALISTAIR!!! so lovely to have you in my homely little inbox 😌 it is always a joy to see you on my dash because you are just very funny and humorous. Anyways now onto the babies,

Nyx doesn't like Azure! I am sorry but it's unfortunately true. Azure reminds him too much of himself, the apathy, the blasé and fatalistic attitude towards death, the disconnection from others . . . Nyx sees too much of Azure in himself and due to the fact that he doesn't like himself very much, he doesn't like Azure much, either. He's actually a little afraid of Azure, especially the way that Azure was different from the Garden after graduation, flipping a switch and changing his personality/presentation completed. It made Nyx kind of sick to his stomach because he knows that was the biggest difference between them- Azure was willing to change while Nyx was not.

Dian liked Azure just fine but didn't have any super strong feelings about him. He mourned Azure's death, especially since it was the first in a long line of more deaths to come and because Dian skews empathetic/compassionate as well. He feels especially bad about how it effected Himei and by extension, Tov, even though he's not very close to Tov, because he's close to Himei he know how hard it hit.

Nausikaa thinks that Azure is kind of funny (actually in the "funny haha" way) because she finds him very peculiar. She interprets his emotionless demeanor as deadpan rather than true apathy (because she's not very people smart lmao) and laughs constantly at things that he says that are definitively not jokes.

Faisal, what little exposure he had to Azure, he liked just because Azure didn't try to talk to him. He's unobtrusive which is something Faisal appreciates in a person. Yumi liked him for similar reasons, he was quiet and not talkative, which means that he wasn't stressful to be around. She didn't know him well, though.

Asuka only knew Azure by name and his post-graduation persona. Surprised that he went out in his first round. Cynically views him as kind of forgettable.

(just gonna tag the two OCs who I mentioned, Himei belongs to @lookatmysillies and Tov belongs to @ivanttakethis)

[theenemyod]

Because I'm sick of negativity, here are some things Iike about the golden tower:

1. Implied backstory for Master Joseph, a few small things at least. It was mentioned that he was Maugris's apprentice, so that likely had some effect on him, but also with the wording it's also said that he was broken before Maugris chose him, so probably something that happened before he turned twelve if the entrance age stayed the same. It's not that much but at least I have a few clues now

2. Alex bringing up Drew. When he said "Drew was innocent", even though it was unprompted really, I think it was good because in book 3 he showed that he was angry at Call because of Drew's death as at least a part of it, so this makes sense. Also just Alex and Drew's friendship fhhfhdbnsjsksk

Also I think that makes a good parallel between Alex and Constantine, Alex hurting people over Drew, his brother/closest thing he had to a brother, and Constantine hurting people over Jericho, his brother. I really like parallels between Constantine and Alex I don't know why

3. The devoureds. Raven was already there but I also like the little bit of information I get on the first generation apprentices with Greta and Lucas, they had to at least know Alistair if Alistair knew they were devoured and knew where Lucas was.

4. "I am chaos! I have become the void!" "Oh shut up nobody cares." (Probably not exactly said like that). Funny.

5. Graves finally died. Very deserved.