#“I AM SO SORRY FOR SUBJECTING YOU PEOPLE TO THIS”

[k9emote]

Hello everyone , this is Jake/Caede ! You know me as K9emotes :)

I need to address something that has been detrimental to my mental health as of these past few months; the rumors surrounding my community and me.

I often hear from outside sources that people are telling other creators or members that I am a bad, toxic, or a drama causing person. I genuinely do not understand where this came from.

I started posting my art online and making a community to recover from a recent abusive relationship that crushed my state of self. I needed a healthy distraction and socialization so that I wouldn’t recluse and bedrot, as that was my usual response to things going wrong. I posted my art for others to cope and gently recover my mind, and it has been so wonderful meeting people and getting to show others my adoration for art.

but as my community has grown, I have made mistakes. With how unstable I have been lately, I have hurt people. I have assumed things and acted out because of it. I have done things I shouldn’t have, and I take responsibility for that.

The only issues in my community from the top of my mind, I will explain in full for all to see.

1. There was an issue where a user in my server was trying to claim that the term “FP” was BPD exclusive. I do not believe in this for lots of reasons I won’t go too far into, but to make it short; excluding other clusterB disorders from incredibly few medically and socially recognized symptoms hurts the entirety of clusterB and isn’t right. It’s internally ableist and I don’t stand for that. If you disagree, cool!!!! but leave my blog alone please

I grew frustrated as I felt ignored and demonized by this person, and spoke passive aggressively. I was triggered heavily and made bad choices with how I spoke. I was passive aggressive. That is it. I did not threaten, curse, wish harm on, or purposefully upset this person.

I struggled with tone through the conversation, and then banned the member and tried to move on. That is all that happened. I apologized to said person publicly about my behavior, and they were unbanned once educated on the subject. However, a person that this user knew acted out and said extremely hateful things about me and my staff team even after the situation had calmed down and was made up. They commented on me sexually, saying my ADULT STAFF MEMBER was “Jacking me off” by being my friend. I am sixteen years old. I am a child. The person who made that comment is 19, and never apologized. They then went to a friends server and tried to defend themselves and further attack me and my staff. They have done nothing but harass and throw fits, even after the entire situation was resolved and agreed upon.

2. There was a huge outburst of people using number names in my server without being RAMCOA survivors. Number names are closed for people who have gone through number programming. I explain it like a closed culture because for my own safety I’d rather not go into the torture aspects of it !!!! I sent out lots of educational announcements for my server, posted resources, helped correct people politely ect. I tried my very best to remain calm and helpful even while being triggered on the daily around my past childhood torture for almost a week straight. Some members were banned from my community for refusing to be educated or making up excuses on why they should be allowed to use number names while not being a RAMCOA survivor. I am not sorry for banning those people. I am not sorry for being passionate about the voices of survivors. I will not entertain people who refuse to change, and I have left this discussion behind with the strict rule that I will warn and then ban anyone who refuses to be educated.

3. At one point, I posted publicly claiming that the creator @lemondrops-emotes as heavily referencing my art. I fully believed that they were copying me on purpose, as the emojis looked extremely similar in my eyes. I have had my art stolen and posted in horrible corners of the internet. I was terrified and I acted out and accused them of copying me. This was wrong, I apologized, Lemon explained to me that it wasn’t intentional and me and Lemon are now on good terms. That entire situation has been dropped and I know not to call out things publicly when I’m scared now. I have grown in that area and promise to be better.

An entire hate blog was created about me and posted on that incident AFTER Lemon specifically stated that we had made up and it wasn’t anything to throw a fuss over.

I have received threats in my inbox.

I have had random members on discord dm me fake IP addresses to scare me. I have paranoid personality disorder and I am schizo. Both these incidents have made me spiral in terror. My mental health has been torn down from the amount of hate, threats, and rumors I have received for the crime of making mistakes as a teenager.

I am by no means excusing my actions, but my actions have been forgiven by the people I hurt. I owe no apology to anyone else.

Harassing me for mistakes that have been resolved does nothing but harm me. It does not help me grow. It does not help the emoji art community. Please, for the love of god, leave me alone. Stop attacking my close ones. Stop throwing dirt on my name. I am trying my best, and I will continue to grow and become a better person as much as I fucking can.

I want to keep making art, I wanna be a part of this community.

For those of you who have supported me from the beginning and actually taken the time to educate yourself on who I really am instead of taking a random person's word for it; thank you. I love you. I love my community, I love my supporters, and you have no idea how much you have all helped me out of the hell I was in. Thank you so so so so much. I create for you, and you help me get up in the morning. Please spread positivity through the art community and be nice to each other !!!!!! hate doesn’t get anyone anywhere and I do not and never have condoned drama spreading or harassment. I love you all, be safe <3

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

A Personal Post

Hi guys, I'm finally making the post I kept telling myself and my best friends I'd make but wanted to put it off until I felt better. That hasn't happened and with how things are going I thought it was best to just post it now.

So for a while, since probably late 2023, I've felt less like my blog is for me, and more like it's some kind of fandom archive. Which, if you use it this way as-is, great! I'm glad my blog could make you happy like that! But that's not what I set out for it to be.

I'm the sort of neurodivergent person who likes to categorize things, including my interests. All my tumblr blogs are specific to one thing, and this one was no exception.

I began tagging things soon after I made the blog because I saw a lot of people were sad about the twins, and I thought "well since I love both sad and happy stuff, and I'm really good about categorizing things, maybe I can try and help!" And according to many, it did help!

But I think that also gave off the impression that I was making this blog for other folks, and that isn't the case. I'm sorry I never clarified. It's not an archive; I do not reblog shipping posts, posts from people I've blocked, AUs I don't click with, and sometimes just not everything I see.

I've gotten popular in the fandom, and for the most part I do, from the bottom of my heart, enjoy it. I have people who care about my hyperfixation! That's amazing! I have people who love my cosplay and want to meet up with me. I've made so many friends of all shapes and sizes and it's probably the most incredible thing I've ever experienced, truth be told.

But yeah my blog being mine has gotten away from me a bit, I think.

I want to keep tagging my submas tags, that isn't going to change. I will tag triggers when asked, unless it's kind of impossible due to the blog's subject (trains, for instance) or a name or really common word (like the word 'head' or something). Other than that please reach out and I'll do my best to remember. But other tags? Those will be up to me. I don't want to tag when OCs show up. I love OCs and like seeing them, and don't want to have to remember that one person who visits my blog doesn't.

I had anon off for a while because honestly ever since making this blog, there have been anons who really made me unhappy. (Also yes, non-anons but that's been fewer and far between). I've gotten misinformation, accusations, horrible and disgusting explicit asks, and criticisms and complaints, and I'm just... Not here for that. Keep the explicit things and misinfo out of my inbox, I am no arbiter of morality or personal decisions, and I am not here for you to share your negative opinions of submas or the fandom.

Anon is on for people who are too self conscious to chat face to face, for people to send fun headcanon ideas (remember when people did that back in 2022 when this blog started? I miss that, it was sweet and wholesome), to share song recommendations... That kind of stuff. If you have an actual problem, please, PLEASE talk to me off anon, whether that be DMs or a non-anon ask that I can answer privately. Especially if we're friends; please, please just talk to me about stuff. I don't bite! I swear!

But yeah the bottom line is I'm here to participate in fun (and sometimes heartbreaking!) fandom stuff. I'm here for FUN, not as my job. I know that we're all a bunch of neurodivergent folks and sometimes interactions can be a swing and a miss, but please try to be mindful. Please treat me like a person and not just like a museum curator for this blog.

Truth is, I haven't been okay for a while now. It's gotten worse this year for sure, and due to life stuff I cannot see things feeling better for me for some time. I need to go day by day for a lot of things, and I am trying to get better about needing to set boundaries and all that sort of thing. I suffer from intense paranoia too, and having so many eyes on me is genuinely terrifying at times. I'm trying to manage that as best I can, but I do ask that folks be kind.

NO I am not going anywhere, my blog is staying and will continue on as normal, but I really, really needed to get this posted.

Please continue to interact with me and chat and everything like that! But also please remember to treat this space, my blog, as my space. Thanks for reading!

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 52)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

Despite Mark's persistence however, Sean declined his offer for now, wanting to win you over fair and square, but when Mara's birthday came finally around, he was in two minds about it.

It was a Saturday morning and you were up early, preparing everything for the party. Mara was in her playpen, occupied with her toys, while you were rushing around the house, making sure everything was in order for your guests.

You were dressed in a casual summer dress and your hair was tied up in a messy bun, but you still felt self-conscious when the doorbell rang, and Sean stood there with a big smile on his face. 

He had not been around Mara before but arrived early to help you with hanging  decorations and preparing the food. "Hey, you look great," he said, handing you a bunch of sunflowers making you smile softly.

"Thanks, so do you," you replied, admiring his button-down shirt and jeans even though the moment was short-lived.

You led the way into the living room where you had a designated area for the kids' party. "I thought it would be best to keep it separate from the rest of the house so we don't end up with sticky fingers all over," you chuckled to yourself.

"A room full of toddlers, huh? Sounds fabulous," Sean  joked, looking slightly nervous at the sight of the colorful balloons and animal balloon sculptures scattered around the room.

"Oh, don't worry. They're all really well-behaved, trust me. Mara is actually the most boisterous one of them all," you laughed, feeling yourself relax a little more in Sean's presence.

"That's good to know," he said, taking a deep breath with a nervous smile on his face. "So, uhm, just checking, what did you tell people about us? Because, I know that your ex's family is coming and all, so  I just don't want to cause any awkwardness or something," Sean inquired, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"I told them that you are a friend of mine, who has been helpful lately, and that you are coming over to help me set up and all. I didn't mention anything about us being together, you know?" you told him, feeling the need to reassure him once again.

"Yeah, I figured as much. I just wanted to make sure," he said, nodding his head in response.

"I am sorry Sean, it's just, Cillian wouldn't even agree to you being here, around Mara, unless I kept this platonic and I can understand him too," you told him sympathetically, understanding the frustration he was feeling.

"Why do you care so much about what he wants

, though? Surely he should be happy for you, if you have found someone else that you like?" he asked, a slight note of confusion in his voice.

"Sometimes, it's complicated Sean. Cillian and I are working through things and, to tell you the truth, since you and me aren't in a relationship, I too want to keep this platonic for Mara's sake. It would just confuse her, you know," you  tried to explain, being as honest as you could.

Sean didn't seem totally satisfied with your answer, but he understood where you were coming from and decided to drop the subject for now. You both worked in silence for a while, hanging decorations and setting up tables, but there was an underlying tension between you.

As you were arranging the food on the table, the doorbell rang and you felt your heart skip a beat at the thought of Cillian's mother arriving. However, it was just your best friend Emma. 

"Where is my favorite Babygirl?" she  grinned, taking Mara from her playpen and blowing raspberries on her chubby cheeks.

You couldn't help but laugh at the sight of your best friend, who had known you since you were in high school, playing with Mara. You two had been through so much together and you were grateful to have her in your life.

"I have a super cool present for you,"  she winked, pulling a wrapped gift from her bag.

"Oh my god, Emma, you didn't have to. But I am so excited to see what it is," you grinned, helping Mara opening her first present for the day, inside of which was a beautiful stuffed giraffe  , complete with a pair of pink and white crocheted booties.

"Gigi," Mara smiled, which was what she had called the giraffes at the zoo , her favorite animal.

"I know. Isn't she beautiful?" she said, pointing at the stuffed animal in Mara's arms, already covered with enthusiastic kisses from your daughter.

"Best friend ever," you smiled, hugging Emma tightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Emma said warmly before turning to Sean, introducing herself for the second time around, the first time having been at the nightclub where you had met him.

"Is Cillian okay with this?"  Emma asked, eyeing Sean up and down.

"Yes, I cleared it with him," you told her which is when, again, the doorbell rang and more guests  began to arrive one by one.

Sean remained helpful and kind, keeping his distance from your friends but assisting where needed. You watched him from across the room as he chatted with some people, sipping on his beer, wearing a polite smile on his face. He looked so at ease that you almost forgot about your complicated arrangement until, an hour into the party, the door went off once more.

"I will get it," Sean offered, seeing how busy you were with Mara and her toddler friends.  You nodded appreciatively, relieved to have some extra help at the party. As he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Cillian who was meant to be in the UK, filming. 

Surprised, Sean took a step back while Cillian stood in the doorway, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Sean.

"Sean," Cillian said with restrained hostility as he walked inside. 

Sean tried to keep his cool but couldn't help feeling nervous at Cillian's presence.

"Cillian, what are you doing here?" you asked, surprised, as you made your way over to him.

"Well, I decided to surprise Mara for her birthday. I'm only here for the day though. I got to go back tonight," Cillian explained, unable to take his eyes off Sean and you could sense the tension in the air growing with every passing second.

"Well, I am glad you could make it," you said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Mara is over there if you want to say hi to her," you gestured towards the living room where the children's party was happening.

Cillian hesitated for a moment before nodding and making his way towards the noise and laughter emanating from the other room. 

"There she is," he smiled, picking up Mara and kissing her chubby cheeks. "My little princess," he said as Mara beamed at her father and hugged him tightly. "Happy birthday Sweetie," he told Mara who went straight for Cillian's hair.

"Dada," she grinned, running her tiny hands over the shaved sides on his head, which was clearly a haircut she wasn't too fond about.  "I've missed you Babygirl," Cillian told her affectionately, noticing how Mara's eyes brightened at the sight of him. "Missed me too, huh?" he teased, receiving an adorable giggle in response and, just as you watched this tender moment unfold, you felt a swirl of emotions in the pit of your stomach. You were glad that Mara had her father there for her birthday while Sean, on the other hand, seemed displeased. 

It was clear that he felt uncomfortable around Cillian, and you couldn't blame him. After all, you were still unsure about where you stood with both men, and you knew that keeping a clear mind would be crucial to avoid making any unnecessary mistakes.

As the party progressed, you found yourself caught in a never-ending cycle of keeping a close eye on Mara and making sure that Sean was relaxed and enjoying himself while Cillian socialised with his family and the people around him. 

Mara clung to her father, clearly pleased to see him  and looking adorable in her brand new party dress, complete with a matching headband and shoes. Her laughter filled the air as she played with the other children, who seemed equally delighted to have Cillian there as he was fabulous with young kids, engaging with them in their games and being purposely silly and entertaining. 

Sean, on the other hand, remained somewhat reserved, occasionally joining in conversations but mostly standing off to the side, observing everything. You caught his gaze several times throughout the party, noticing the steady glance he gave you, the subtle twitching of his lips, and the raised eyebrow.

It was as if he could see the turmoil brewing within you, sensing the conflict that raged on inside. You wondered if he knew that you were struggling with your feelings. To what extent and in what ways was he aware of your internal struggle? His knowledge about you had been growing with each passing day, and that realization terrified you. He had been observant and intuitive, but was stopped short of fully understanding what was going on within you. You felt safe, yet vulnerable, anticipating the reckoning that was surely coming.

Cillian's attention seemed focused solely on Mara as she was having the time of her life, laughing joyously and blissfully oblivious to the drama unfolding between her parents. The laughter and chatter of the other children echoed throughout the room, punctuated by sporadic fits of giggles that seemed amplified because of the sheer innocence of their pleasures.

"She is growing up so fast," Cillian murmured, standing up from the floor and watching as Mara sat amongst the other kids her age, playing with blocks. "And yet, I feel like I haven't been here for any part of it lately," he added softly, the regret in his voice unmistakable as he turned his gaze toward you.

"I should have declined that role, Y/N. I've missed so much," he sighed, his eyes searching your face for any hint of understanding. "Only being here every fortnight isn't good enough," he told you, not knowing that Sean was listening in, and you said nothing for a moment, merely holding his gaze as you reflected on his words.

"Life happens, Cillian," you said finally, opting to keep your tone light and neutral to avoid causing any unnecessary drama. "This is your career and we knew this before we brought Mara into this world. In fact, we talked about the logistics of it many times," you  explained gently, trying to make him understand, knowing that this was an important point for him.

"I know, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss seeing her every second day or so," Cillian sighed, his eyes softening, "It's just, I don't. It's hard I suppose," he  admitted, looking away briefly before turning back to meet your gaze.

"You know, after my final exams next week and the wedding the week after, Mara and I could stay in Liverpool for a bit," you proposed, thinking that it would be good for Mara to have more time with her father. "After filming, you could spend some time with her, just for an hour or so, and I could take her to the zoo over there and all the other cool places during the day while you are on set,"  you added enthused, wanting Mara to have a good relationship with her father.

Cillian looked surprised but also pleased at the idea. "Really? That would be great, Y/N. Not just for Mara, but for me too," he admitted, smiling at you fondly. "I could rent you a unit and car and you could cruise around with Mara during the day. Maybe the two of you could even visit me on set, unless you think that's weird,"  Cillian offered, taking another sip of his beer.

You shook your head and smiled at him. "No, not weird at all. Unless it's weird for you," you said, seeing how you were no longer together and Mara's visit could even affect his performance on set.

"I think it would be fine. I would love to see her, even if it's just for a little while," he replied with a smile, touching your arm affectionately. You noticed the way Sean was watching you, the subtle tightening of his jaw and the narrowing of his eyes. You pulled your arm away, feeling suddenly uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Alright, let's plan it out then," you  said, changing the subject before Cillian could say anything else. "I'll call you next week and we can arrange everything."

Cillian nodded, seemingly satisfied with your response. "Sounds good," he said before making his way back to Mara while you went and stood next to Sean who was nursing a beer. 

"I should go," Sean said after a little while, breaking the silence and you were too busy to notice that he was struggling internally.

"Of course, you don't have to stay," you said, offering him an easy exit.

Sean hesitated for a moment before nodding and making his way towards the door.

You followed him, feeling a sense of guilt wash over you. You had known that inviting Sean to the party would make things complicated, but you hadn't expected it to be this difficult.

"I am sorry Sean. I didn't mean for things to get so awkward," you said softly, as you stood by the entrance.

"It's fine. I knew what I was getting myself into, although I didn't expect HIM to come," Sean replied,  his voice low and gruff as he looked at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger, sadness, and something else that you couldn't quite put your finger on.

"I know, but he is Mara's father and I am glad he came, for her," you  said, your voice barely audible as you stood just a few feet away from him, feeling the tension between you grow thicker.

Sean sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair, looking you in the eye for a long moment, before replying, "I know, you're right, and I should just leave. But, I hate to admit it, his presence makes me feel like you still belong to him and it bothers me," he admitted and, with that,  the tension between the two of you grew palpable like a storm on the horizon.

Feeling the weight of the situation bearing down upon you, you glanced back into the room, wishing that Cillian could somehow disappear, like a mirage in the desert heat, leaving both you and Sean alone, untouched by the web of complications that had ensnared you both. But, you knew better.

"I belong to no one Sean," you  spoke softly, feeling a sickness rise in your throat at the thought. "Not to Cillian, or you either. I have a life of my own to live."

Your words hung heavy in the humid air, letting the weight of their meaning sink in. Sean looked at you with a troubled gaze, unsure of how to respond.

"I will call you tomorrow?" he then simply asked, causing a flash of confusion in your mind.

"Sure, I would appreciate that," you managed to say before Sean disappeared and drove off  in his car. You returned to the party, feeling lost and confused, trying to shake off the awkward energy that lingered between you and Sean.

Sean, on the other hand, made a call to his friend Mark. "Fuck morals. I am done playing nice. Give me all the dirt you can find on him," he demanded, wasting no time to beat around the bush.

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

[ms-moonlight-inn]

💥💥It’s the Wednesday Tag Game💥💥

Today’s tag game is about our wonderful fandom! Tagged by my lovelies @jrooc & @vintagelacerosette & @guinguin1984 & @blue-disco-lights & @mybrainismelted & @energievie & @doshiart

How did you get into the fandom? 

I started watching the show 'cause I was raised in the inner-city & heard that there was this new show that was doing this really good, honest depiction of inner-city life. Tell me the 'hood is being accurately depicted & neither romanticized, nor made into a caricature & I show up. Those first few seasons were so familiar to me in both comforting & repulsive ways.

And THEN there also happens to be a gay 'ship in this show?! 😱 I mean, there was no way I could escape the pull of Shameless.

So, it started with me binging back episodes, and it escalated to fanart. Then I tripped across some fanfic... I was a creepy creeper lurking in the background for a long time. Eventually, I struck up a conversation with @dancermk in her comment section. And it all snowballed from there. (Sorry, I just said snowballed –it's not meant to be used as a euphemism.)

What’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?)

Strangely enough, it was Pinterest, I think. It was some fanart or fanfic that was pinned & I followed the thread to AO3.

what’s your favourite now? 

Tumblr, but I find myself on Discord a lot lately. I used to spend my time on Twitter until musk took over.

Which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom?

The longest who is still in the fandom is @notherenewjersey. The longest who aren't in the fandom @dancermk & @stillbeatingheart

Which tumblerino’s did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and want to get to know?

😆 Anyone I've wanted to get to know has, unfortunately, been subjected to my extrovertedness. I don't think you can stop me from talking to people. 🫠 If I'm intrigued by someone's approach to Gallavich, I will interact & it's normally the response to my interaction that dictates how much I'll "harass" you.

First Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember)

The first one that really drew me into the fandom & made me want to find other things to read was "As Long As The World Keeps Spinning," by @doodlevich. The whole Husbands and Shit series is so good.

First Fan art that blew your mind? 

So many, but the first one that really made my eyes pop out & my heart beat thump loudly in my chest was this one by @darthvaders-wife . It's so very representative of Mickey.

Fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love?

🤫🤫🤫 (but also any shade of monster fucking? though I always liked that. so, maybe praise kink, though I've always liked that, as well.)

ACTUALLY, now that I think about it, a lot of the fluff tags I thought would not be for me. And I wouldn't say that they are a high-key love of mind, because I do absolutely adore angst. But, I am much more tolerant of semi plotless domestic fluff than I ever thought I would be.

What surprised you most about this fandom?

The amount of good writing & art'ing we're privileged to have. There's just SO MUCH good here. 🥺🥰

Moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich?

The scene at the docks. All of it. Before the kiss, during the kiss, after the kiss. 🫠

Ian or Mickey?

(I don't play this reindeer game)

Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you? 

Ugh. I wanna say Sandy, but I'm probably more of a Lip 😭

***

Tagging @notherenewjersey

[rubberduckyrye]

I'd like to point to interpretation that Angie isn't portrayal of a native Polynesian islander because almost all the evidence around her character and what she says suggests she's not living in a village that has cult-like practices, but that she is in a straight up cult and is unaware of it. It explains a lot of stuff from the odd monotheism, why her "village" seems to only employ seemingly dark web shipping company, the police apparently bothering her "village" or her having an English name.

Referencing this Ask

I mean. That is one interpretation, sure, but to deny the fact that Angie is heavily coded to be Polynesian/Native Hawaiian is unfortunately ignoring the problem. Which is the problem I am trying to address itself.

Right in her promotional art, you can see that Angie is carving a statue--and it heavily resembles a tiki statue. Specifically this kind of Tiki Statue. Though since it is unfinished, it could be a full body version, but I digress.

She also mentions living on an island.

And the "natural disaster" that made the island smaller--that is probably heavily inspired by how Hawaii was used by US military and bombed frequently--which, naturally, made the islands smaller.

She also greets people in Salmon mode with "Alola," which is a reference to Pokemon Sun and Moon, which has it's main location heavily based off of Hawaii. Alola is a butchered way of saying "Aloha", which is a Hawaiian greeting.

Also, Angie having an English name matches with historical oppression in Hawaii. Where Hawaiians were forced to name their children with Christian White names and their Hawaiian names be their middle names. It was literally a law, at least, according to Wikipedia, for quite some time. (The fact that this is not easily verifiable is the very reason why having this discussion is so important--and why people need to stop trying to avoid the conversation.)

I understand the desire to want to dismiss the fact that she is a racist caricature because it sucks to enjoy a character who is one. I get it. However--trying to deny the fact that she is heavily coded to be Native Hawaiian/Polynesian is just sweeping the racism under the rug, and is a major problem when you have people like me who want to discuss the topic and how one should handle rectifying the canon narrative's bigotry.

The mere fact that she is so heavily coded to be Native Hawaiian/Polynesian makes the whole cult thing part of the racist caricature. Indigenous people (especially Indigenous Polynesian cultures) are subject to extreme racist stereotypes that include human sacrifices and savagery--and while Angie's culture isn't developed in canon enough to know for sure if it was truly as savage as, say, the King Kong Indigenous folk, the cult behaviors are a sort of "cousin" to that savagery. We as a society see human sacrifices as barbaric, as savage, and even when in a cult setting, we still present these topics in that fashion.

I'm sorry, anon--but I'm going to ask you only this one time to not derail the conversation I'm trying to start. I understand that there are interpretations that help explain away the bigotry--and this is one legitimate way to deal with bigotry in canon media, or so I've been told--but what I want is a full blown discussion on the subject. I don't want people trying to tell me "Oh b-b-but she can't be a racist Caricature, because (X)!" Because that is dismissing the problem to begin with.

This is a problem. This is a discussion about racism in V3's narrative. There is no getting around it--no matter how much you explain away the writing with headcanons and theories, these problems are still here.

So please stop trying to sabotage my desire for a discussion.

I'm going to note that I LOVE Angie as a character. I think that, when you remove the racism in her character stories, you have a very interesting and compelling female character of color who's intelligence rivals that of the smartest V3 characters. These aspects of her character I adore--but to ignore the racism, for me, is to just turn away from the problem and, in turn, contribute to the racist way fandom treats these kinds of characters.

So let me speak. Let me find people who will talk to me about it. Let me grow and learn. Please, for the love of god, let me learn.

[malvolios-yellow-stockings]

I'm getting DA:O brainworms again, but there's something so delicious about unhardened Warden Alistair growing into an unrequited (but actually kind of requited) love for (Mage) Warden who romances Morrigan and leaves him behind. Like, there's this one person who's been trying to convince you of good in this world, telling you not to grow cold, this person who was your right hand man, or, moreso you were his. This boy basically, you stumbled upon, who experienced the real world for the first time with you by his side. A man you walked Ferelden up and down with. Someone you've entrusted your life to and spilt blood for and who has done the same for you. A friend who has indulged your fancies, who reluctantly did things for you, who helped you bury a king who hadn't treated him kindly. And you've never really had feelings for anyone before him, at least like this, and you don't know what they are. And then you see him mingle with the Witch of the Wilds. See how he looks at her, trying to be cocky to impress her. See her twist this man into making decisions you're sure he'd never agree to were she not there to whisper it to him. And when you turn to the rest of your companions, they mock you and warp your concern. You are ready to give your life for this man, if it means slaying the Archdemon and ending the Blight but he speaks of some Dark Ritual. And it makes your soul grow weary and scared. And then Morrigan disappears and you finally think to yourself - this was for the best. But your friend is inconsolable. He talks of her with a fog over his eyes and a wistfulness that tugs at your chest. You try to keep him close to you but can feel him slipping away as you lose most of your contact. Maybe it's for the best. You hear of his exploits while on your missions with the Wardens. You try to keep away from him because seeing him once again makes you remember how it once was. It makes you flinch to remember his attempt at making you a king to rule beside Anora. The cold calculation of it all, his action unrecognisable to you. How much even the thought of it hurt. Maybe he hadn't been your friend? Maybe he hadn't understood you after all. But you joke about it, try to make it funny in your head. He's surely like a brother to you. Who couldn't forgive their brethren? And then you hear of his disappearance. The worst thoughts present themselves to your Taint-bitten imagination. And then you realize what he was doing. Some or other mention it, a mirror of some kind, something elven, you think, (maybe he was finding his heritage?) And then you hear it whispered. Morrigan, Flemeth's daughter. Yes, that Flemeth, they say. And you've never felt more betrayed in your life. You never got to say goodbye to him. To throw a jab one last time. And you grow bitter, because isn't it grand to finally understand that everyone leaves you in the end. You were born a royal bastard but you were an expendable means to an end and you will always be. And you abort this love and twist yourself into a leader because you know how much Thedas needs you, people like you, even though the place itself and the people around you might not. You still think of him from time to time. What became of Morrigan and him, but you forget the sound of his voice and the way he brightened your days and made you believe in something better. What remains is a dull sense of betrayal and bitterness with the man who turned on his principles and left you behind. And, Maker, it makes you twist with guilt. Get over it, you think, he has chosen a dark path.

(Mind y'all -

- I refuse to believe that the whole of Ferelden doesn't know why the HoF disappeared (when he goes with Morrigan). I just refuse to buy into it.

- I'm writing this at 2 fucking am and so working at 5% brain battery and 2% coherence and I'm not caught up on DA lore - I'm currently playing Inquisition, about 50 hours in, and have just met with Alistair again, which is what pushed me to write this drabble anyways.

- His painful and palpably disappointed dialogue about the Warden walking a dark path and the way the party reacts to his concern over the Warden being with Morrigan in Origins always kind of make me feel a pinch of what if? Alistair repressed bisexual

- Surana is my fave Warden as is apparent

- I am fully aware I am UPPING THE ANGST and I say - I want more!)

[spearxwind]

It's those gay eels I keep talking about

[goldensunset]

i don't really know how to word this but like i feel like i'm gonna forever have to deal with the pain and heartache of one of my very first pokémon games- the first 'normal' pokémon game i've ever played, that i will have lasting nostalgia and love for as a result of it being formative to my introduction into the series- being the one that will forever be looked down upon for bad graphics and technical issues as a result of the game having been rushed

like i honest to goodness want to scream and yell and cry into the void about how this means everything to me and will always be one of my fave games just in general. but how am i gonna do that without someone being like 'the broken overpriced mess? the one that's missing all this stuff from the older games that was great? the thing with all the cringe? that one?' or whatever. and the thing is they aren't wrong for their criticisms either like i know the fact that they rushed this wonderful game hardcore is a massive stain on its reputation and it hurts me too but like i cannot turn off the brain full of love in me and be a mean critic. or even an impartial one. i mean i criticize everything i love don't get me wrong i am constantly running my mouth about what i like and don't like. but at the end of the day i approach all media with an unusually optimistic mindset. if you see me talk a ton about something no matter what i'm saying you can bet it means i love it.

just. aaagh. it's always tough being a new fan of an old series. i'm like too embarrassed to express my opinions bc i feel like they're invalid y'know? i feel so exhausted every time i see something to the effect of like 'oh those poor kids these days having to deal with such bad quality everything what a bad time to be a fan of pokémon wow y'all make me feel so old' well see the thing is i actually am thriving and i love it here. and i'm also an adult myself so i have more critical thinking skills than people who played red when they were like five years old did. and even with the power of critical thinking i manage to be in love with this. join me in marvelling at the beauty of life

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"

[transenbyconfessions]

Alright. So, I'm trans. Obviously.

And, as is the case for many people, my birth mother happens to be a piece of shit.

As in, you would not believe the kinds of things this woman has put me through while wearing a smile on her face. In hindsight, it is kind of a miracle I have yet to cut contact with her completely, which to be honest I probably should.

With the necessary context in mind, I assume it also wouldn't surprise you to hear my coming out did not went well. But it was either this or dying before I ever reached twenty, so here we are. Literal years down the line. Surviving each day here by virtue of being myself, my eroding force of will serving as a shield against all efforts made to the contrary by somebody who was supposedly meant to guard and protect me. Who has failed spectacularly at both to the point I am long used to doing that by myself.

The point being that — the above being the case — I have numerous times now been dragged into debating the merits pertaining to the right I hold to my own existence with somebody who, against all odds and my own better judgement, I do still care about kind of a lot. Or at least enough to be able to ignore the fact that it is definitely in my best interest to just never talk to her again. Cut my loses and run and simply pray I make it.

It is, understandably, really fucking awful to have to say to somebody — anybody — again and again why you are the gender that you say you are. To be made to prove, constantly without fail, that you deserve to be alive and defy what a stupid symbol in a stupid paper says that you are. To be made aware that certain people expect this of you, again and again, will never stop expecting that of you. To put it mildly: it's stressful like you wouldn't believe.

And yesterday, in the midst of a terrifying debate that I neither initiated nor wanted to have, while standing in the wrong kind of neighborhood to be overheard — well I believe I may have hit upon the way to explain exactly how that feels. Just about.

It starts a little like this:

Imagine you're trapped on a podium, always behind the red curtain. Waiting for the thin fabric to leave the stage open and let in the blinding light of the reflectors you can instinctively tell are on. And there is a kitten (a baby, a puppy…) sitting right there beside you in a bloody metal cage.

And if you stutter or hesitate, or the person on the other side arbitrarily gets to decide that you're wrong — then the cage will collapse in on itself, and the kitten will die.

No do-overs. No retry. You're just thrust out into the light, behind this mangled frail piece of wood with a too small cage that won't open why won't it open, and told you have to defend your side.

Or the kitten will die.

Can't anybody see it from this angle? Don't they hear it meowing? Do they just not care?!

And here you stand, spiraling, when you notice something strange. Not about the multitude, but about the fancy podium on the other side of the stage.

(Something other than the fact whoever's behind it has already started talking. Given the same person who threw you to the sharks up here has already handed them a script.)

There's a cage there too, shiny and clean and brand new. Visibly resting well above it instead of behind. Except this one is made of cardboard, its surface all covered in aluminum, and you can clearly see from here that the insides are empty.

They preach to the people in the multitude about the sanctity of this cardboard cage. Attack and accuse you of wanting to kill the kitten, placing it within its own prison in the first place, whenever you try to point out that it exists and it is there. Whenever they acknowledge it and deign to pretend to believe you. Even though they're standing up here too. They should have a clear view.

Thus comes your turn to talk. Except it has actually been your turn, from the moment this whole mess started. But now the other party seems to have run out of words to monopolize it with, and only you are left to fill the silence.

You glace down at the kitten. Tiny family member, fondly remembered, beloved pet that it is. And you care.

The crowd grows impatient. Your opponent's throat clears. This is important to you.

You breathe. And you open your mouth. And every sentence you say only adds fuel to the fire consuming the curtain.

Every sincere confession of confusion or pain mere evidence used against you. Any small hint of righteous fury that you can't disguise taken as an offense. Every impassioned defense taken as an attack.

They won't hear you. Won't accept anything that you say. No one will let you leave.

And even if you could, you would still leave alone.

(There are some, you are certain, who attended only to see the kitten crushed.)

In the midst of this immovable crowd are people you care about too. People you know. Calling you a liar and a killer and a fraud. Calling you worse, for every minute more you risk to stay.

But you cannot step down, because you care.

(Even if you were to win, there's still no guarantee they won't just collapse the cage in front of you anyway. Whether out of hatred and pettiness, mere cruelty, or something else. But if you do nothing the kitten will die, and you have to try, you have to try…!)

So you take a deep breath, and go on, and hope this once someone will listen.

…And that's how I felt.

Basically.

Anyway, I almost never post or submit anything. But I am making an exception for this one because I think it's something that needs to be said. It isn't mine anymore, make of it what you will.

Submitted May 30, 2023

[srldesigns6277]

.

[abyssalzones]

please can i ask for ur AM analysis/takes. i only kno abt him thru cultural osmosis and i will at some point play/read i have no mouth but until then im. very curious 👀

hm... to be frank I don't have much in the way of analysis, especially beyond what others have already said? he's a very interesting and nuanced character, who technically isn't much of a "character" at all in the original short story (or, well, no I suppose that isn't fair, he is a character, it's just that he's also an amalgam of thoughts and narrative analogue and, yes, Hate) and then was further developed by the consequent video game and radio play adaptations. Ellison himself has spoken about the story being about the dangers of military technology, and to Me that feels agonizingly obvious if you have even the most basic understanding of the premise... but hey, maybe that's flown over people's heads. regardless, even if I don't see that inherently as a reason people can't enjoy the character (I think the idea of "not letting people enjoy a character" is bullshit anyway. who the hell is stopping you?), in regards to that post I absolutely see what OP means in regards to the weird flanderization/flattening of AM's personality and role in the story.

I recommend reading/listening to/playing any of the IHNMAIMS adaptations for yourself, it will become apparent very quickly that he's a little above and beyond the pay-grade of "evil robot".

[a-motherfucking-beast]

coach ur so cool but i hate exercising :(

SON. LET ME TELL YOU. THERE IS A CERTAIN THING ALL THE LANKY BINOS IN THEIR HAUGHTY-TAUGHTY UNIVERSITIES AGREE ON. AND THAT'S THAT THERE ARE *SOME* THINGS THAT ARE ESSENTIAL TO BEING A HUMAN. ART -- MUSIC, DANCE, VISUAL MEDIUMS. FRIENDSHIP, BROTHERHOOD. JOY AND SORROW. SHARING OF KNOWLEDGE. FAITH. LOVE. FOR SOMEONE ELSE, FOR THIS WORLD, FOR YOURSELF.

AND, LAST BUT NOT LEAST -- PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. FUCK YEAH

BE IT PLAYING TIGGY IN THE SCHOOLYARD OR BEING A PROFESSIONAL LINEBACKER PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE PLAYS A SPORT OR EVEN JUST WALKS SOMEWHERE AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIFE. FOR GOOD REASON -- EXERCISE RELEASES ENDORPHINS AND DOPAMINE AND OTHER FEEL-GOOD SHIT IN YOUR BRAIN, BALLFACE, AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ALL THE OTHER BENEFITS OF STAYING HEALTHY AND BEING ABSOLUTELY YOKED AND TAKING CARE OF YOUR BODY THAT SHOULD PROBABLY CONVINCE YOU TO TRY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

SON, I'M NOT GOING TO CONVINCE YOU TO TAKE UP BODYBUILDING OR ANY OTHER HEFTY COMMITMENT LIKE THAT. THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC BUT EVEN I CAN RECOGNISE THAT IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE. I CAN ONLY OFFER THIS ADVICE.

IF YOU HATE EXERCISING THEN THERE ARE ONLY SEVERAL (AT LEAST ONE) POSSIBILITIES WHY YOU DO.

A) YOU HAVEN'T FOUND THE RIGHT OUTLET. TRY OUT A NEW SPORT YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED BEFORE THAT YOU CAN PLAY AT YOUR LOCAL GYM. HARRY WAS THE FUCKING GOAT AT BEING A GYM TEACHER BUT NOT EVERY GYM TEACHER IS AS FANTASTIC AS HE WAS AND MAY NOT FACILITATE THE FULL EXPERIENCE OF PLAYING A SPORT SO MAYBE EVEN TRY PLAYING SOMETHING YOU THINK YOU DON'T LIKE. HELL, MAYBE TRY SOMETHING LIKE ACROBATIC ARTS, THAT SHIT NEEDS STRENGTH AS WELL. FUCKING BREAKDANCING. BECOME AN ANAL ACROBAT LMFAO. HELL, YOU DON'T NEED SOMETHING STRENUOUS -- EVEN IF YOU GO FOR A WALK IN YOUR LOCAL PARK EVERY MORNING WHEN THE SUN'S JUST RISING (THE VIEW AROUND THE LAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF JAMROCK IS BEAUTIFUL) OR DO SOME STRETCHES WHEN YOU WAKE UP THAT COUNTS FOR SOMETHING. DON'T LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN FOR DOING LESS THAN THEM.

B) YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE RIGHT PEOPLE SUPPORTING YOU. AGAIN, YOU ONLY WISH YOU COULD'VE HAD OUR HARRY AS YOUR TEACHER AND REFEREE, BUT IT ALSO COMES DOWN TO YOUR TEAMMATES, WHETHER THEY FACILITATE YOUR PRESENCE AND BUILD A SENSE OF CAMARADERIE WITH YOU. YOUR SPOTTER, WHO YOU PLACE ULTIMATE TRUST IN. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, THE PEOPLE YOU HOLD CLOSEST WHO YOU CAN SHARE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS WITH. OR EVEN JUST THE PERSON DOING THEIR OWN THING NEXT TO YOU WHO MIGHT GIVE YOU A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT OR CONGRATULATE YOU WHEN YOU HIT A NEW PERSONAL RECORD. GOING TO A GYM CAN HELP WITH THIS WHEN YOU ALL HAVE A SHARED GOAL, BUT THERE'S PLENTY OF ELITISTS THERE WHO MIGHT SHIT ON YOU FOR BEING A NEWBIE OR NOT HAVING THE SAME CAPABILITIES AS THEM OR EVEN HARASSING YOU FOR YOUR IDENTITY. TUNE THEM OUT. THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE ARE PRESENT EVERYWHERE YOU GO AND YOU SHOULDN'T ALLOW THEM TO SULLY YOUR EXPERIENCES. OR ALSO YOU CAN DECK THEM IN THE FACE. PERSONALLY I'M LEANING TOWARDS THE SECOND ONE BUT IT'S YOUR CHOICE (DO THE SECOND ONE)

NOW THAT WE'VE GOT THAT STRAIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW -- ONLY DO SOMETHING YOU KNOW YOU'RE CAPABLE OF, AND SOMETHING YOU KNOW YOU CAN ENJOY. DON'T TURN THIS SHIT INTO A GODDAMN CHORE THAT LEAVES YOU SUFFERING EVERY TIME YOU DO IT, THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT OF ANY OF IT. I DON'T KNOW YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION, NOT EVERYONE'S GOT THE MEANS OR THE TIME OR THE PHYSICAL CAPABILITIES. BUT CALISTHENICS DOESN'T TAKE ANY SPECIAL EQUIPMENT AND EVEN JUST SOME STRETCHES WHEN YOU GET UP WILL DO. GODDAMMIT, COACH *WILL* FIND SOMETHING THAT WORKS FOR YOU, BOY

ANYWAYS DAMN RIGHT I'M FUCKING COOL DON'T YOU FORGET THAT

[skibasyndrome]

I'm about to throw all my academic values overboard to get this fucking article done

[poelya]

you are braver than any us marine for these takes... anyway, i'm sure you've talked about this before but how do you feel about sequels era Leia/Holdo?

😌 thanks casey, it's from years of practice of having combatting star wars opinions with a us marine (my father) asfjoasfjosa.

Aha! Leia/Holdo. Man now there's a dynamic i'm constantly just. sticking under a microscope and studying. It's funny because although I'm in a place where I'm like "oh they're so canon", I've only ever thought about them being together pre-canon. Like to me they're very amicable exes, and Leia still has such a huge soft spot for Amilyn and vice versa (sometimes I think about how it feels like for, the majority of the movie, Amilyn is trying to act the way she thinks Leia would, and it. gives me emotions).

So it's not a hop and a skip for me to be intrigued by the thought of them together during the sequels era. It opens the door to a lot of interesting stories imo and a lot of sweet character development and my personal favorite - angst. So I could definitely be convinced by the thought of them rekindling something.

send me a ship and i'll tell you my opinion!

[kyouka-supremacy]

WAIT YOU AREN'T AMERICAN???