#i am ofc like all of us to some extent projecting

[chiisana-sukima]

Oh when you used to sing it to sleep

@jinkieswouldyoulookatthis and @blue-chimera - thank you both for your kind and thoughtful replies to my reblog of this post. The og post is getting quite long and also I don't want to put too much writing effort into a reblog that's susceptible to disappearance, so I'm continuing here instead.

I agree with you both that Dean's parentification and Sam's continued acceptance of vs rebellion against it as an adult are an important part of their dynamic. Dean's dying words in the finale attest to this beautifully (as well as many other things throughout the course of the show); I love you so much, my baby brother. To a certain extent Sam is Dean's baby and always will be.

I think though to a large extent, the framing by both Sam and Dean of Dean as Sam's parentified elder sibling is a mutually employed, mostly cooperative sanitization of the central and most damaging aspect of the roles they internalized through their upbringing: Sam is a monster and Dean is the tool to "take care of" it (double reading of "take care of" 100% intentional on my part). Because of this, while readings of spn through the lens of Dean's parentification are definitely valid, I do think they sometimes risk distorting or leaving out important aspects of the characters' personalities, motivations, and relationship.

Jinkies, in my fruitless quest to process without reblogging a take I knew the OP wouldn't appreciate, I had listened to the interview before posting, and I think while Jensen is being flip, he's also getting at what he sees as a truth in the brothers' relationship. I think he's right from a Doylist/co-creator/actor's perspective--Sam is the protagonist who we see through Dean, the deuteragonist's, eyes. Dean, as a piece of the narrative artifact, Supernatural, is there to save Sammy in a way that Sam (up to that point anyway) is not a piece of the narrative artifact whose purpose is to save Dean. From a Watsonian/in-universe perspective though, I think he's mistaken, and that his mistake is the reason his take sounds uncharitable, even aside from the flippant part.

It's just not a very convincing analysis imo to frame a character who spends the first few seasons rejecting immoral power, the next few in an arc that ends with him willingly subjected himself to eternal torture for the good of the world, and the one after that intending to sacrifice himself dramatically to rid the world of one particular species of monster but doesn't because Dean asks him not to, as self-absorbed or not particularly concerned with his effect on others, including on his brother. Likewise, Dean holds up well as a parentified older sibling with no sense of internal self and abysmal self-esteem in some ways, but in others not so much. He does have interests and priorities and a sense of purpose outside Sam. They're all over spn every day, much more so in fact than Sam's are. They're just not enough to override his Sam prioritization.

The main place I think this analysis fails on Dean's side though is that he, as an adult, is just not a very good parent. Obviously as a child he couldn't be expected to be a good parent (or a parent at all) and as an adult he's already damaged and so it's understandable that if big brother-ing Sam is how he chooses to spend the rest of his life, he may still not be equipped to do it. But he fails on such a fundamental, obvious level at the the most basic aspects of parenting--providing safety, unconditional love, and preparing your child to go out into the world as an independent adult--in ways that once he's a grown up are absolutely within his power to at least attempt (for example: if he wants Sam to be safer, it would ultimately have failed because of Fate, but the logical thing to do first would be not hunt. Dean could've followed Sam to Palo Alto. He could've told him to go to Harvard Law if he can't tolerate Stanford after Jess dies. Could've refused to support him throwing his life away of a mission of revenge. Bought him his own car, encouraged him to have his own tastes. Told him convincingly that trusting Ruby was a bad decision but Lucifer is still not his fault).

None of that is meant to be insulting to Dean though, because I don't think that parenting Sam is Dean's real job--even from Dean's perspective--and I don't think his real job is palatable enough that it would be better for either of them if he admitted what it is head on. What his and Sam's real jobs both are imo is being a container for Sam. On Dean's side, this means holding Sam in his arms with love or if that's not enough, holding him in the panic room, which, from this perspective, is also an act of love. Substituting his judgement for Sam's is an act of love. Not encouraging Sam to hold his own interests first or to grow towards independence are acts of love. Given the nature of (what I believe to be) Dean's actual job, they are effective and competent acts of love undertaken under impossible circumstances, even if the results are sometimes pretty horrific. Because they're still better than the alternative.

Likewise on Sam's side, doing his job well means being a model monster--go to an Ivy, exercise, eat healthy, cultivate empathy, don't have desires of your own, hold yourself to an impossible standard, suppress your anger, kill other monsters when they get out of line. And in the moments he can't manage all that--because who can?-- submit to Dean. When he does those things, he's succeeding at his job, and while it would be nice if "let your brother hit you" or "jump in the Cage with Lucifer" wasn't his job, in the world of spn, it is. He is right to be contained by Dean and wrong to have opinions or priorities of his own unless Dean approves them first.

I do think this sometimes ends up looking like Sam has better self-regard, because Dean's job is to "take care of" Sam, and Sam's job is also to "take care of" Sam. But actually they both have absolutely abysmal shit self-esteem. "I should submit to eternal torture because it's my fault someone else is going to do terrible things he could choose not to do if he wanted" is not the thinking of a person with healthy self-regard. The reason neither of them could fill a thimble with their self-esteem or healthy boundaries imo is because neither "monster" nor "blunt instrument" is a person. Neither of these roles is better or more healthy than the other. Fundamentally, if you don't see yourself first and foremost as a human person, then your life is going to suck horribly. And neither of them see themselves that way.

[dollesquee]

⋮ ⌗ ┆ JUST LET US ME ADORE YOU PT. 1

various genshin characters (Arlecchino, Ningguang and Thoma x gn!reader

A/N: So I've listened to 'Just Let Us Adore You' from Steven Universe on loop and immediately thought of writing smth like this. Needless to say, it took me 30 minutes to think of ideas nd I'm v grateful for everyone's support. Btw English isn't my first language so I extend my most profound apologies for any errors present in this work.

dividers belong to: @cursed-carmine

Summary : Love- a sensation-no a creed that millions would lay their lives for. This is simply a collection of snippets which highlight how different people would express their boundless affections for you.

CW: N/A

Arlecchino

Believe it or not, Arlecchino's actually quite inexperienced in the art of romance. While this could be attributed to the fact that she spent most of her life trying to survive amongst the evils perpetuated by the former knave, she simply didn't have the time-nor energy to foster a healthy relationship. Inside the cold, obdurate walls of the orphanage, love was but a fleeting luxury and she witnessed firsthand how such fickle emotions led to one tragedy after another, thus explaining why she never got into any relationships till now.

Yet, she'd still try her best to show up if you gave her the opportunity to. While she isn't the type to whisper words laced with honey into your ear nor will she be the type to spontaneously burst into an opera highlighting every single muse you're the embodiment of, a soft smile from her says more than than a mere sentence ever would.

Arlecchino's is very fond of styling your hair. Oftentimes, she'd find an excuse to touch your hair or rake her blackened fingers across a mass of strands, hands often lingering on your neck for a few more seconds before drawing away with great reluctance.

Expect countless drawings from the children of you two in various situations that reflect an idyllic life that many covet. Do note that they've gotten all their ideas from Arle's various musing's when she's zoned out-which used to be rare but has all but increased in it's frequency with your arrival.

All of her moves were executed with calculated tenderness. Yet, the fondness she holds for you is genuine and the imperceptible yet tangible flicker of tenderness that dances across her eyes when you rest against her shoulder reveals the depths she'd go for the sake of your happiness

Ningguang

Calling Ningguang a doting partner is a sore understatement. With the abundance of resources she possesses and the amount of influence she has on the entirety of Liyue, there's no doubt that she'd spoil you to Celestia and back.

Should you desire an item or an experience of sorts that could be acquired through monetary gains? It's yours now. The finest, most verdant tea leaves harvested directly from Chenyu Vale's best farms? Here. A pendant crafted from the rarest jewels in Teyvat? Expect it to be delivered at 11:30 am sharp.

Better yet, you could make a slight remark about wanting to attend a performance opened by the Hydro Archon herself. Ningguang already booked a carriage to Fontaine equipped with top-tier guards and the best of services there is to offer.

Mora isn't an issue for Ningguang as she's currently the richest, most affluent person in Teyvat. However, it is admittedly unusual for some of her subordinates to see her spoiling someone to this extent since their boss is usually quite frugal with savings unless if it's for a project or plan related to the Jade Chamber, the palace being her second source of Joy (Her first being you ofc).

In Addition to spoiling you with material possessions, Ningguang is also fond of styling you in various different garments and accessories. Your days in the Jade Chamber often consist of twirling in front of the mirror as endearments and praises flit across the room like silken petals, gloved hands adjusting the seams of your embroidered corset that costs more than your monthly salary at your old job.

Thoma

#1 househusband material. Rest assured that you'll be Teyvat's equivalent of a passenger princess. All your needs would be met with the efficiency expected from Inazuma most renowned fixer.

He's a gentleman. Always waiting at your hand and foot to walk you around the bustling streets of Inazuma, a hand wrapped around your waist while the aroma of freshly baked Taiyaki and chicken skewers waft across the cool air.

If you want a dish made. He'll definitely make it for you provided that he has the time-and ingredients. In the situation where he has neither, he'll probably bribe Ayato with boba to run an errand or two and travel off to Ritou to "negotiate" with some merchants-aka flatter them until he gets those ingredients for free. Once he gets them, a freshly prepared dish of whatever you desire would appear magically on your desk along with an embroidered napkin with both of your initials.

Speaking of embroidered napkins. He'd absolutely love to sew, crochet or participate in any sort of craft with you. At the end of every session, you'll be carrying a large knitted plushie of Taroumaru as Thoma stows the needles and yarn away for next time.

Mornings are always spent cuddling or doing each other's hair. Older couples see themselves in you both while the youth squeal and gush. Occasionally, the residential poltergeists would make a few kissy sounds behind your back in an attempt to embarrass you or make you the subject of mockery for the day but it always backfires on them.

.ᐟ up next : Just Let Us Me Adore You Pt. 2 (Wanderer, Kaveh and Al-haitham x gn! reader)

World Burn ( Arlecchino x ex fatui! fem reader)

Fingertip ( The fruits shall be unraveled in due time...)

@ Do not steal, repost or translate this work without @dollesquee's express permission xoxo. All rights for the characters are reserved to Hoyoverse

[princess-of-the-corner]

Just had a thought about the Winx reboot project you have concerning earth and the Black circle; mainly concerning the various mythologies of Earth( I am running with the assumption that it is pretty much unchanged from our Earth) with the glut of various beings found there which are very dangerous to various degrees it would be amusing that Earth before magic subsiding was the universe’s version of Australia and Earthlings acting like Florida Men, wonder if they start coming back with the return of magic.

Now concerning the Black circle you could draw a connection with the Fae, to explain it is commonly known that Fae are amoral at worst and have Blue and Orange morality at best, so the Circle could have formed as a protective group against their predations(could have them formed as a response to any number of jerkass “gods” but I connected them to the Fae because their name Black circle evokes the image of iron and we know how the Fae are about iron) they could start with the best of intentions but over time became more dogmatic until they cause the sealing of magic on earth. 

Hope this was coherent and cant wait to hear what you think

-

Earth being Space Australia/Florida is always my jam!!!

As for the Magic stuff, I’m having some odd lore changes if that makes sense?

So like. Earth in the reboot is kinda like the Earth in Steven Universe. It’s ‘Earth’, but very altered due to the influence of Magic.

Now, with that: Magic was everywhere. Just like all the other planets: Every person can use Magic to an extent, but only a small percentage are able to be Faeries and Witches(the audience’s perspective is skewed on this, due to the main cast being filled with these people and going to schools specifically for these people. But in the grand scheme of things there aren’t a lot of them).

So there’s not really like. People who would be dedicated to hunting Faeries/Witches or even thinking that they’re some sort of extra powerful that could have Magic stolen to use to take over the world or whatever.

In the Lore, what happened was a few hundred years ago some shit happened(said shit is yet to be hammered out on exactly what), where Earth was essentially hit with a Magic EMP and cut off from the rest of the Realms. By the time anyone re-established contact with the planet, its people had adapted to living without Magic and believed that all old stories of Magic were just legend and fake and made up stories to explain things before science existed. Though others still visited Earth for tourist-y reasons, any Magic was met with at best suspicion, but also some panic. So they’ve mostly stayed quiet.

Ofc, several years of the Dragon Flame being on Earth has kickstarted the planet’s Magic.

[alligaytorswamp]

(disclaimer before I start that I'm not trying to argue with or discount what you said) Sorry for the long ask. On the "character's no. 1 fan" without joking thing, I don't exactly know how to phrase this without sounding weird but here goes:

I'm of the unfortunate demeanor that I fall into that category of people to an extent. I've tried thinking differently about it but I just can't bring myself to accept that there's no "wrong" way to enjoy a character.

BIG however, I keep that to myself. I would never try to gatekeep characters I like because I understand that other people are going to enjoy them whether I like it or not! And I can never control how they're going to like the same characters I do! And I'll let people go on about the character even if I don't exactly agree with what they're saying and I'm not going to correct them on headcanons or their own feelings ffs!

I know it's a frivolous thing to be upset about, but I can't control how I feel about someone liking something the "wrong" way. But what I can control is how I openly react. It's so easy to choose not to piss in someone else's cheerios.

This is so hard to phrase without sounding pretentious, so I'll use an example:

I really like Scaramouche. I've been playing Genshin since 1.0 and I was there in 1.1 when he was introduced. Long story short, I despise what they did to him and you'll never ever see me calling him "Wanderer" in most contexts. But guess what? A lot of people like the change! Am I going to tell them they're wrong for enjoying him that way just because it hurts my feelings? No! Those people aren't responsible for my feelings and trying to hold them responsible is asinine!

It all boils down to personal feelings. I know this kind of gatekeeping comes from a place of deep discomfort paired with an inability to understand that others are not responsible for personal feelings (especially not strangers on the internet). I'm not trying to excuse the actions of character gatekeepers, nor am I trying to garner any kind of sympathy. It's just frustrating that people behave like this. Like, oh no, someone likes The Character wrong. That sounds like a you problem. Get over it.

Putting my reply under the cut because i know it will get lengthy

at first i wondered if you were one of the people i talked about in that post, trying to defend your honor or whatnot but, dear anon, you are not part of the freaks i talked about!

first of all, i do agree actually. i am also a strong believer that some people like characters in a wrong way. some people can be extremely weird about them, rude, etc

like the whole ordeal of fan-favorite characters having their tags flooded with complete OOC content, that makes you question if the fandom ever considered reading a single bit of canon-

i, for one, hate like 80% of things people say about baizhu, given the chance i'd probably find an issue with majority of his fans (somehow) kaveh- i literally prefer to pretend fandom perception of him does not exist. if i see a kaveh fav in the wild i do believe they have a great taste but my god i do not trust them right away

i absolutely agree that one can have an understanding of a character that separates them from most of the fanbase, making enjoying this character a little painful, as you kinda end up being the only one with this huge brain, knowing that few of your fellow character-enjoyers will even Understand

(and this is ofc a dramatic way to describe it. we all have our own preferences and opinions. they may never match. however being a grown person you likely are aware of it and you won't be having an actual war against the fandom... you just gonna rant to your besties, or make a cute tumblr post without putting into the tag of the character- and that is it)

this all however is about like deeper comprehension of the character in question, or perhaps just personal opinion/projection/etc. which is completely fine and dandy, i do that, you do that, everyone does that

but like you yourself mention - there is common sense

sure within my heart i am 'gatekeeping' baizhu, because i can't trust an average person to truly Get Him. however in the end of the day it is mostly a joke. i still adore talking about him with other people, and hearing others gush about him. it's great! would i ever go to a person and be like 'u like baizhu incorrectly' or after hearing my friend speak of him go 'um actually!!! this isn't how you should feel!!!!' ??? absolutely not. again if hanging out with someone who likes my fav, no matter how much they like them, even if they only like their vibe or whatever, i would be happy. LMAO. it's as simple as that - enjoying a fav character with someone else is fun even if your opinions don't completely match. and if they don't match too much, or the topic of the conversation revolves around smth you don't agree with - a normal person will just politely express how they can't share this sentiment OR perhaps you won't even say a word. you will just nod along because there is no point of arguing over that

my post was not about any of this tho

my post was about those who manage to speak about their fav in a way that is so suffocating, it makes you feel weird about liking the same dude. it's all completely surface level, too, they are just so very obnoxious about. any mention of this character is For Them, they won't even consider your interests, never, not once. they are not here to share the joy of liking a character, they are here to flex how much they like them. and how powerful their feeling is. you, by their design, will never be considered on their level. they are the no.1 xyz fan, the ceo of xyz, etc. you are here to witness how much they thirst for this character and cheer i guess? idk

it's actually kind of hard to describe as it's just so unimaginable to me, i am yet to find a 'formula' for this type of behavior. however it is mostly a vibe and lack of consideration. they don't talk WITH other people about their favs, they talk AT them.

it's such an odd thing - i am repeating myself - but they just manage to make the topic revolve around their grand feelings so hard, that if you do not match this type of freak you end up feeling like your own care for this character is somehow lesser than theirs. that perhaps you didn't "earn" to truly call yourself a fan

and i guess the most important aspect of this all, it's not about strangers on the internet.... it's about friends/fellows

the real freakiness comes not from the fact that they are not 'maybe a little too passionate while talking to a random person', no they are this way around friends lol. you talk to them thinking you gonna have this cute thing in common, share a favorite character. but that does not happen.

they are unable to share. the character belongs to them 100%. and they will act judgy about the way you speak of them, god forbid you talk about their fav too much, they will definitely get cranky. all of this is just a competition to them which they have to win. and the toxicity of it all may cause you to put your own feelings aside and start acting as obnoxious just to feel like you are allowed to like this character too.

and it's fucking crazy!!! this is why i made this post! because it's so gross and weird! it's like we are kindergarten and these losers are yet to learn how to share toys! these characters are also - FICTIONAL - they don't even exist. how hard it is to be happy to be around a fellow fan? i have no idea. but for some people it's borderline impossible, and they have an amazing skill in making you regret getting into media/liking a character

tldr; i agree with you, gatekeeping (light-hearted) of a character is a normal thing, we all have our of opinions and fanbases are weird as hell. but it's a whole different topic! to be downright rude to people you know, to act like you are the only one to ever like this fictional character is weird. people who make you feel like you have to prove yourself in order to be a fan of smth are like children who can't share toys, being friends with them is tiring, and sharing your passions with them is like a gamble. they either wont care about your interest OR they gonna metaphorically steal a fav from you and act like you do not belong

[from-izzy]

you do know that ff is supposed to be around love right cause whatever it is that your doing with your healing project thingy def isnt that

read your intro and it says its personal things but like ok then keep it to yourself i guess

just go back to the the love topic stories and tbh its not getting a lot of notes and attention anyways so why bother lol

finally found the strength to reply to this! 🫂

hi anon 👋 first of all, i wasn't sure what kind of tone i should respond this with. but, i would like to thank you for sending this in. you gave me the push to finally post my 'especially to you...' series that has been on my masterlist for so long.

next, you're not wrong. compared to my other stories, this series is not getting as many notes. i am not scared to admit that it did discourage me a little bit but it all changed when i re-read my stories (yes, i'm one of those authors who re-reads their works many times, over and over again).

yes, ofc i could keep all the burden and weight of my personal life to myself. we have a choice to do that or share it with the people around us. for me, i chose the latter. why?

because i believe that feeling like you're alone, especially when you're too scared to speak up, is one of the darkest, loneliest, hardest and most excruciating moments that a person can ever have. i hope that my stories could accompany those who may feel alone and bring some sort of comfort.

i choose to be open. i choose to speak up first after the other person is ready to listen to me (for my stories, this comes in the form of warnings). i choose to tell the experiences that i've gone through. after that, it's up to the other person if they want to spread it around, keep it to themselves and/or maybe even judge me.

it was my choice to open up. the ball is in your court after and the information that i've told them will be up to them and their conscience.

i'm open with talking about life experiences and most especially, mental health. as a person who has multiple diagnosis and waiting to be assessed for more as well as waiting for re-asssessments, to a certain extent, through my stories, i want to tell it out to the world.

comfort, sadness, pain, discovery—those are the words that i would describe my journey so far.

so yes, while it isn't getting as much attention, the way i smile, cry and feel my chest lighten after reading my published stories, makes me keep going.

also, in terms of your definition for fanfiction, i guess our definition of the word differs greatly and i can respect that. but for me, my stories will not only be about romance.

because that's not the kind of author that i want to be. also, i will not be influenced by others to be the author that they want me to be.

i write for others to read but most of all, i write for myself.

i refuse to publish stories that i'm unsatisfied with even if people tell me that they love it. i refuse to publish stories that i will not re-read. i refuse to have no personal connection to the stories i publish.

so that's my answer! sorry that it's long 😅 and sorry that i kept you waiting as well 😭 i hope this answers your thoughts and asks!

[vinbee631]

12 - Looking for Something Worth It (The Algorithm is Perfect) 

Prodigal Sons and Daughters Alike

It took some discussion, but the five of them came up with ways to use this action-based approach to befriend Virgil. It ended up being Logan that was the first to use it.

Chapter title from Algorhythm by Childish Gambino because I had to implement their playlists somehow! Also, Logan is my fave to write, and now I FINALLY FIT HIM IN AS A MAIN CHARACTER i can be at peace now (after posting the rest, ofc)

It took some discussion, but the five of them came up with ways to use this action-based approach to befriend Virgil. It ended up being Logan that was the first to use it.

Despite what that may look like, Logan was the most apprehensive about the plan from the start. It seemed- morally questionable to make a plan directly involving Virgil without telling him, even if it wasn’t supposed to be to his detriment.

Ganging up on someone they were supposed to be befriending seemed counterintuitive. However, it barely took two days for Logan to prove himself wrong.

The day it happened, Logan settled down promptly after classes ended to start a very important music theory project, one that was likely going to take him weeks, and also one he was conflicted on the beginning of.

Wasn’t that supposed to be the easiest part, the beginning? Yet, as he started at a blank computer screen, the cursor in his empty Google Document flashing mockingly at him, he found that had to be a complete falsehood.

He didn’t believe in fate, but Virgil’s timing in this particular matter was nothing short of perfect.

It appeared he was in the process of sneaking into his room, likely to work on schoolwork or whatever it was he did in his reclusion. Just as he carefully closed the dorm’s door behind him, Logan let out a frustrated groan, making Virgil jump at the sudden noise.

“Ah, apologies for startling you, Virgil. And, good afternoon, as well,” Logan said, the conversation from days previous suddenly popping into his mind. “Although, I suppose your timing is quite excellent. I had something I wished to ask you, if you have a moment.”

Virgil frowned, twisting his backpack straps tightly in his fists. “Uh, fine. I’m not… I only have a minute, but go ahead, I guess.”

“The question will only take a moment, I assure you. I am currently attempting to start my school work, but I have hit a bit of a proverbial ‘roadblock.’ However, I have found that my productivity tends to increase when working in the presence of others. Not collaboration, but body doubling, if you are aware of the concept.

“If you would be amenable, I would like to invite you to spend some time, either here or in one of our rooms, working on our own separate projects,” Logan finished, not quite smiling but extending a friendly gaze in Virgil’s direction.

“Uhm… I don’t mean this in a rude way, but- why?” Virgil stuttered, cheeks slightly flushed. “I’m not… I’ve never heard of, uh- body doubling, and also… me? Why?”

Logan nodded in understanding. “I have found that, from minimal experience interacting with you, that you seem to be the most productive of all of our roommates. No offense to any of them, but they can be easily distractible, and are often not able to continue to be productive in larger increments of time. Except, perhaps, for Roman, but he has stated he is quite busy today.

“Also, as far as body doubling goes, I have found it is an opportunity to increase productivity by working in the presence of others while completing differing tasks. There is quite a bit of fascinating human behavioral science behind it, but I do not know the full extent of such. I do know that I have found success in it, but I will admit, I have not found any fellow classmates I know well enough to extend an offer to. Except for you.”

Virgil furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure out a response to- all of that. His first instinct was to retreat, and ignore how horrendously awkward he was being, but instead he blurted the first response that came to mind, making himself cringe.

“Jeez, Logan, you talk like a British person.”

Logan blinked, and whether that was in offense or astonishment, Virgil couldn’t initially tell. “That is a new one, I will admit. I have heard criticism of my mannerisms and way of speaking, but most of those simply consist of petty insults and repetitive comparisons. That- I suppose I appreciate the creativity.”

“You… huh. Sorry, that- really sucks.”

Logan shrugged. “I suppose, in some ways, it does. I cannot say that all of those that have offended me in the past had bad intentions… nor can I say that they can even be considered quote unquote ‘bad people’ because of such actions. However, that is simply an experience of mine that I am pleasantly surprised you are not repeating. Regardless, would you care to join me? No is an acceptable answer, I would simply like to know in order to determine my next course of action.”

“I- fair enough, I… I guess it wouldn’t be terrible, to try. As long as we don’t have to, like talk to each other… and as long as it’s not out here- like, in public.”

Logan nodded. “No, we would not have to interact. In fact, that would be the opposite of my intended purpose. I can gather my things now. Would you prefer to work in my living space or yours?”

“I… your room is fine, thanks.” Virgil stood awkwardly for a moment as Logan stacked papers and stuck them in their designated folders. Once his backpack was organized, he gestured for Virgil to join him.

Virgil realized as he shut the door behind him that he had never been in one of his classmate’s rooms before. Or, anyone else’s room before, other than the bedrooms in his own house. And yet, he found he was not as nervous about this fact as he felt he should be. 

Logan was… a special case… or something. He just had schoolwork to do, and liked working with other people around for that. A little odd, but Virgil respected the fact he found a study system that worked for him. 

After about twenty minutes of the two doing their own thing, Virgil began to realize why Logan liked it so much. 

The concept was not- entirely comfortable for Virgil, even as he had sat down and begun to work on his own schoolwork. But, the more time they spent in opposing corners of Logan’s room, the more Virgil and Logan matched each other’s typing pace, and the more he avoided staring at his computer in unproductive silence, Virgil realized he was working twice as fast as he normally did.

This body-doubling business, despite its oddity to Virgil initially, really did work. The two spent over an hour together before Virgil finished his written work for the day, two hours ahead of schedule. 

Eventually, Logan’s typing settled into silence as well, and he began to put away his notebooks and organized his scattered papers. “I hope you found this session enjoyable,” Logan interjected as the two gathered their finished study materials. 

“I- wasn’t expecting to, but it was… good. I got a lot done,” Virgil responded, not quite managing to make eye contact but glancing in Logan’s direction to read his body language. Logan smiled. “That is good, I am happy to hear it. If you are ever interested in working together again, feel free to reach out. I am always amenable to more productivity.” 

“I’ll… I’ll think about it, thanks.” Virgil attempted a smirk that didn’t resemble an uncomfortable grimace and quickly slipped out of Logan’s room.

And then, he felt four more pairs of eyes on him. 

With an actual grimace this time, and a bit more embarrassment than was strictly necessary, he hurried past the living room and out the door, subconsciously making his way to a practice room.

He had no clue how he was going to muster up the courage to actually go back to the dorms later that night, but he was trying not to worry about that just yet.

That was a problem for nighttime Virgil.

With a small sigh, he headed up the steps to the music halls, ignoring the looming feeling of disappointment that he now had to complete his practicing by himself.

Well, shit. That was new.

…

“Logan?! Did you… was that- huh?!” Roman stared at said roommate with an astonished look that Remus quickly matched. 

“All I will say is that I have revised my opinion on your idea, Remus. I will advise you to be careful, but I have found success in my venture. Now, if you will excuse me, I plan to head to the library.”

“Ah!” Remus protested, nearly jumping over the couch, despite his brother’s protests, to drag Logan back to the living room. “Not so fast, Professor Despair-ald Hill! You are legally required to spill all the details… er, the ones you’re comfy sharing, that is!” he clarified with a mischievous but curious smirk.

“Fine,” Logan conceded, “although not much happened. Virgil happened to arrive back from class just as I was debating the start of a half-semester project, and I invited him to study with me. We body doubled for approximately an hour.” 

“Oh, are you in the same class? I didn’t realize any of us shared class periods, why didn’t you say anything? Also, what is body doubling?” Patton questioned.

“No, we weren’t studying together. Body doubling is the act of completing differing tasks in the presence of others, and it typically acts as a way to increase productivity. I had already been considering contacting one of you to extend an offer, as I was already experience motivational troubles. Then, Virgil happened to arrive back from class.”

“Is that like… parallel play, but with studying? Only you, Logan,” Roman teased, but Logan appreciated his familiarity with the concept regardless.

“Well, it was obviously not just me, Virgil was there as well. But yes, they are quite similar,” he stated seriously, making Roman roll his eyes (although he did eventually elaborate that it was just an expression, for Logan’s sake).

Janus smirked. “You’re meaning to tell me that in order to bond with friends, you study with them? Now that is definitely so Logan, but at least it worked. As long as I don’t have to study with him as well.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Of course, you don’t. That would, in fact, likely eliminate the purpose of attempting to bond with Virgil using activities we all actively enjoy. Although, I would not be opposed to assisting you in your own idea, if you’d like.”

Remus grinned as the others chimed in, brainstorming their own, unique ways of bonding with their potential new friend. As Logan settled in to discuss with them, he laughed to himself about the music student’s forgotten library trip. 

He had to admit, things were definitely looking up from a week ago. Now, all Remus needed was the patience to spend time with Virgil last. 

[horsedenial]

i do like what doja cat is doing trying to rip apart stanning culture cuz ofc She Doesnt Know U so Dont Apply Ur Expectations to a Stranger and thats well and good i think that its great she finally said smt cuz it is fucked up parasocialism. then theres the bigger thing shes going for where its like, her past 2 albums were “cash grabs”, and i do think they were on some level but not to the extent that she described. i think she does like rapping ab sex and her personal problems But shes using this as a means to get to the top, fitting perfectly within the box then making it and breaking it apart. shes not even rly breaking it apart lmao. her new music is good and im really excited to c where she goes with it bcuz most pop does have a distinct hollowness to it, playing to marketability, and obviously shes proven she’s incredibly talented so take away that hollow part andddd?!?! cover it in blood ig mommy. lmao. but there is something that i feel like is missing all the while, esp w her racist and previous pedo bf. and her ignoring ppl who came to her saying he groomed them??? like yes u shouldnt care what ppl esp total strangers think of ur personal life as a global popstar BUT when the fucking flags r red the flags r FUCKIN RED. esp gurls who he fucked with in the past like theyre tryint to Help her.. idk. a broken heart is blind 😫 but obviously idk her idk her life she might b just as bad as she says she is but i dont think so. i hope she really does have magical foresight and can learn 2 love herself and her own judgment. but hey. maybe i am projecting (i am)

[vermillionbones]

I'd love to hear more of your Phobditor HCs!!

ohoho thank you for enabling me anon i am going to kiss you directly on the mouth /pl

also slight warning for spoilers to the new(??) ending of project nexus!! i don't talk explicitly about what happens in general, but the stuff involving phobos is mentioned in the very first hc so for those of you who don't wanna be spoiled you can just skip that one lol. grab sum popcorn lads this one's a long one snbcnkcnvmv

Phobditor HCs!!

rbs very much appreciated 👉👈

---------------

so i hc that phobos didn't actually get banished at the end of MPN, but he did get his ass handed to him to the point where he was so injured and drained of energy that he couldn't use most of his abilities. he went into hiding for a while and eventually found the AAHW, which he proceeded to join since he didn't really have anywhere else to go. after he'd healed and returned to his full strengh the auditor recognised how potentially useful he could be as a second in command, but ofc he'd have to earn her trust first. normally i don't try to make things make sense like this but since the auditor isn't actually in MPN i thought i'd at least try lmao

the auditor: ruthless girlboss by day, feral spouse-adjacent shithead by night

phobos is basically the same but instead he's manipulate mansplain by day and malewife manwhore by night /hj

before they got closer they'd never really physically interacted w/ each other, so phobos kind of assumed the auditor would be at least slightly painful to touch [cuz yknow. she's made of fire lmao]. plus he'd witnessed her setting things and people on fire with her bare hands before and he'd rather not get turned into a walking bonfire, thanks. the closest she'd ever been to touching him previously was like flicking the antenna on his helmet to piss him off

but like way, WAY later he finds out that audi can actually manipulate the temperature of their flames to an extent, so when they touch his hand for the first time he's really surprised when they're just like. pleasantly warm. kinda like the fuzziness you feel after you drink something hot but on the outside of your body

however this has also resulted in phobos using her as a mobile safety blanket lmao. sometimes if it gets too cold in the office he'll wander up to her and bug her until she folds a wing around him and tucks his head under her chin

when he's being a shithead sometimes she'll just pick him up by the back of his jacket and drag him off like a disobedient kitten lmao

They don't really have a super crazy height difference normally [i hc that audi is around 6'3 and phobos is 5'10 if he's not slouching] but sometimes she just morphs herself to have a several-foot height advantage just to fuck with him. like she'll appear in his office as this 9-foot-tall behemoth and he'll just be like "?? excuse me?? ma'am?? you can't do this to me???"

before he got to know her better, phobos had no idea the auditor preferred she/they pronouns over they/it like the agents around him seemed to think. he never made a big deal out of it and never explicitly brought it up, but he remembers to switch it up for her every now and then. plus whenever audi overhears him doing that she gets all fuzzy inside sfbfnckvj

phobos really likes her wings. he actually might be a little jealous of them, but he'd never tell her that sfvngk

ever since audi found out about this, they tend to subtly unfurl them and use them to gesticulate more when he's around. occasionally she'll use the claws at the peaks of her wings on touchscreens in place of a finger n stuff. she's also [gently] swatted him upside the head with a wing a few times when he was being a dickhead, but it doesn't really hurt him lol

she also lets him pet them when they're not busy. contrary to what he'd assumed, it doesn't actually feel like a whole lot to her - she's described the feeling as something similar to how it feels to have someone tracing their fingers along the back of your hand

phobos stims sometimes!! he has a bad habit of masking while he's working since a few of them are vocal and he doesn't want to distract anyone, but if he's just hanging out with audi he's totally chill. one of his more common ones is when he thinks out loud, either quietly narrating his current train of thought or saying unrelated words - usually confirmations like 'yeah' or 'mhm' - out loud cuz he thinks they're fun to say. occasionally he'll start humming low in his throat kinda like a microwave cuz he likes how his voice feels in his chest

also when he's standing idle sometimes he holds his arms closer to his chest and fidget with them

the auditor doesn't stim, but to people who know them well their wings are like big signs that can wordlessly describe how they're feeling [which is like my favourite thing to write cos wing emoting is really fun skdjbknk]. occasionally they might subtly flutter their wings when they're very pleased or receive good news, or flare them out when they're irritated/stressed

i always forget that phobos is actually like super powerful in canon so i hc that audi does too lmao. like it always slips her mind that he can teleport too so she'll dramatically disappear after telling him off for doing some dumb shit and fuckin scream when he somehow appears in the same room as her less than a second later

phobos has a red and black lava lamp in his office!! he'd never admit it but he got it cuz it reminds him of audi :]

phobos loves watching audi in combat for some reason. i mean he already likes watching them do stuff so he can backseat drive, but he's also quietly admitted that her fighting style is interesting to watch

he can't really put it into words, but it's because the way they fight looks incredibly effortless and fluid, mainly due to them having so much time to adapt to and understand their powers [both their original powers and the ones granted by the halo]. when phobos' own abilities started to surface he was incredibly unstable and struggled to properly harness them for months, so he thinks it's nice to watch someone who actually knows what they're doing for once.

much to the auditor's surprise, phobos is actually a bit insecure behind all that confudence, particularly about scars. after being close to her for a while, phobos came out of his shell a bit and explained how he managed to grant himself his powers/abilities, which is something i'll absolutely go further in depth with later [via a longer hc that i'm gonna post eventually lol] but to summarise he basically infused himself with raw madness in what he's eloquently dubbed 'the incident'. Of course, doing that to himself didn't come without consequence, and he's permanently scored with a variation of lightning & burn scars on his forearms, thighs, and most of his torso.

for the longest time, the most casual thing he'd wear even around just her was the long-sleeved sweater he wore underneath his trench coat, and he refused to change even if he was literally overheating. though eventually after he told her about what happened he felt way more comfortable and now whenever they're in their shared room audi practically has to throw a shirt at him to get him to wear one sbkcjcnk

the auditor has a sort of subspace/pocket dimension where they can store different items and recall them at will. normally it's pretty empty, but ever since she grew to like phobos she's started keeping miscellaneous things in there for him. sometimes she pulls out a drink or snack that he likes, sometimes she pulls out a little water gun with phobos' name scrawled on it and shoots him with it when he's being a shithead

they are both,, SO fucking touch-starved. like they will not let go of each other [at least if they're not currently in the middle of something or around agency employees] cuz internally they're both just going "wow!!! that's a hand i'm holding!!!!! there's a hand holding my hand!!!! wow!!!!!! i love this!!!!!"

having one eye isn't exactly the best thing for depth perception, especially when you're really tired, so sometimes audi has to hold phobos' hand and guide him around in the mornings because he can [and has] walked into walls and counters

even since before they became a thing, phobos had been a little envious of the auditor's halo and the powers it granted her. he used to subtly try to yoink it from her, maliciously at first but far more playfully later, where he'd like lightly grab it and give it a gentle spin above her head like a mobile. but his infatuation with the halo kinda died after she decided to let him borrow/try it out once by allowing him to link with it

by linking i essentially mean like wearing it, but the halo is so powerful that you can't just 'wear' it without letting it bond with a part of you

long story short, he went into it with far too much overconfidence & cockiness and the halo violently rejected him, kind of like how it rejected the auditor once. he wasn't at all prepared for the sheer amount of power that surged through him the moment it started to link with him, so it essentially short-circuited his brain and knocked him unconscious for the better part of a week. when he woke again, the auditor told him he was lucky his head didn't explode and calmly suggested they never tried that again, and he felt inclined to agree.

of course, he still toys with the halo while the auditor's properly linked with it since he knows it can't link to more than one host at a time. and despite his seeming ease and "it's in the past" sort of mentality about the whole event, if someone mentions the concept of him actually taking the halo and linking with it again, he'll shudder and shake his head, saying it's not his place to do so.

the auditor has no doubt it delivered a pretty harsh blow to his ego [being rejected by the thing that would make him a god would prolly do that], but knows he's too prideful to admit that.

audi likes listening to phobos when he goes off on super long monologues, especially if they're like those super cheesy villain monologues. like he could literally be talking about anything and she'll sit there to hear him out, especially if it's less related to work and more about himself

the auditor is super deliberate in the way they pronounce things and they tend to casually drawl their words out to further cement their cool, unbothered boss persona. however the way she talks doesn't really intimidate phobos anymore since he's also been next to her right after she's been woken up, when she's mumbling quietly & slurring some of her words together. he knows the big scary boss side of the auditor is just a persona used for everyone but him, so he feels a lot more at ease with them even when they're trying to be scary

even after being together for a while, phobos still has no fucking idea what the auditor is made of. like he's admitted to her that he's genuinely clueless, and if she lets him he'll spend like 99% of their downtime quietly interacting with her flames [read: curling his fingers through them and petting them] while he muses about his hypotheses for how stuff like her liquidy-shadow form works. they were a little suspicious of his motives at first, but after they relaxed they realised he was just genuinely curious and willing to share his concepts to see if he was right

they have like. the smoothest banter anyone at the agency has seen. like it's super cheesy back-and-forth stuff that wouldn't sound out of place in an 80s sitcom, but it just kinda flows out when they're both comfortable. and ofc they'd deny it if anyone mentioned it but they literally banter like an old married couple lmAO

-----------------

[bisluthq]

Anon, yes sometimes us cis girls who are gay project onto men but it doesn't come from wanting to switch genders –which ofc would be super valid and super okay but in this case I'm speaking from my experience and I'm very cis– it comes from a place of wanting to be able to love girls and thirst over them as openly and as freely as men get to do it. Without any shame, without feeling like there's something wrong with you yk? And in some cases, without feeling like that girl would defs prefer a man over you, bc if you were a man that wouldn't be an issue. It's not about wanting to have pecs and a beard, I very much like having boobs and a vagina lol. It's about what you'd be able to do and express if you looked like that, which tbh includes to an extent being able to get a girl pregnant bc that's such a strong statement of like ~love and ~connection, it's literally making a human life half and half with your person, and putting it inside of her. So there's a type of idk jealousy, jealousy that arises from not being able to do all of that and men getting to do it. But it doesn't mean that I actually want to be a man. Idk if I explained it properly and I guess it's very confusing if you haven't experienced it yourself but to quote Klossy "I've tried" my best lol. If the straight ppl in my real life heard me saying shit like this they would probably be very concerned and think I'm mentally ill (which I am but for different reasons) and that's why I come here to say it 🥂

100% that’s why I made this space 😘😘

[juliettecai]

((this turned out longer than i intended and mostly focuses on honesty that tackles people’s flaws. if you have honesty to give that makes people feel good about themselves, you should always share it with them!)) i think this is such an interesting question bc it is so incredibly complex. honesty, especially how it relates to other people, is such a grey area that is hard to even define. i mean, my honest opinion of someone can never be equated to objective truth. my honesty can’t even begin to cover the full scope of subjective honesties that might exist about one person. it will always be tainted with personal/cultural/social bias. i might like or dislike certain traits, so whenever a person displays one or the other they will stick out to me and influence my perception of the person as a whole. i might not even see some flaws or strength in a person bc i might be somehow blind to them or not perceive them as such. so to come back to the question of whether or not i would tell someone honestly what i think about them, my answer pretty much depends on the extent to which a person might benefit from my honesty. someone i know intimate might gain something from it bc my assessment of their personality is going to be more complex and nuanced, while an acquaintance might only end up hurt bc i developed my honesty on scarce knowledge. which also brings me to another point that should be consider—how cruel is my honesty and is the level of cruelness justified. if i know i am going to destroy someone’s self-esteem/wishes/hopes/self-worth with my harsh critic of their flaws, i am just masking cruelness as honesty. so it’s important to ask yourself where your honesty and question your own motivations. ofc there are ways to tell people uncomfortable things about themselves, but sometimes it‘s worth it to deliver that honesty in crumbs or just make them see certain things for themselves without outright telling them everything that’s bad (or good) about them. people generally have a hard time digesting opinions that threatens their idea of themselves and they might reject it and project these negative feelings back onto the person who confronted them. i think when you decide to be complete honest with someone, it‘s important that you‘re communicate the fact that your honest opinion is not a universal truth, but your interpretation of a person. you honesty is going to be incomplete and probably slightly distorted from the truth. it’s who you think this other person is and not necessarily who they really are. bc you can never truly go without interpreting a person‘s actions/habits/statements and assigning them your own value and meaning and drawing your own conclusion. so yes, be honest, absolutely, but just always keep in mind the implications and consequences that come with this honesty. ((and a good rule of thumb is probably that if you‘re going give someone an honest opinion in a really direct way, make sure they can use it right away/implement it immediately to e.g. adjust their behavior. if it’s a delicate matter that needs more work you should probably addresse it in a quiet moment and save environment where reflection is possible.))

i hereby declare this my favourite ask i’ve ever gotten this was lovely to read / ramble about (albeit parts of my response were a little off-topic) ! thank you <33 aforementioned rambling under the cut.

how likely are you to give someone your full, honest opinion of them if they asked?

i mean, my honest opinion of someone can never be equated to objective truth. my honesty can’t even begin to cover the full scope of subjective honesties that might exist about one person. when you decide to be complete honest with someone, it‘s important that you‘re communicate the fact that your honest opinion is not a universal truth, but your interpretation of a person. you honesty is going to be incomplete and probably slightly distorted from the truth. it’s who you think this other person is and not necessarily who they really are.

these parts struck me so vividly because they touch upon two things: 1) that there may not be any true objectivity in our reality and 2) it may not be possible to ever truly, fully know a person. we show so many different sides of ourselves to different people, and so the feedback and critiques we may receive from those people can vary extensively depending on how versatile your personality / behaviour patterns are. it’s also incredibly intriguing to study others and see how people act around you vs. other people.

my answer pretty much depends on the extent to which a person might benefit from my honesty. someone i know intimate might gain something from it bc my assessment of their personality is going to be more complex and nuanced, while an acquaintance might only end up hurt bc i developed my honesty on scarce knowledge.

a very well-written point! it’s also quite interesting to note that while this answer addresses that the honest opinion should benefit who you’re critiquing in order for it to be necessary, i have also gotten some responses to this question claiming that your honest opinion should only be given if it benefits you in some sort of way, perhaps as a way of getting to know the person better or manipulating them. which side of the spectrum people lay on depends on their morals and their priorities in life; some are more selfless than others.

also the part about giving an assessment to someone you know well vs. an acquaintance is exactly why i’m so curious about people’s behavior because how do they change when they go from stranger to friend? sometimes our first judgements are correct, but more often than not our opinions are tweaked. then how do you know if someone’s honest opinion in one moment has been altered in the next? you don’t, so i suppose that’s the flaw of honest opinions.

so yes, be honest, absolutely, but just always keep in mind the implications and consequences that come with this honesty. ((and a good rule of thumb is probably that if you‘re going give someone an honest opinion in a really direct way, make sure they can use it right away/implement it immediately to e.g. adjust their behavior. if it’s a delicate matter that needs more work you should probably addresse it in a quiet moment and save environment where reflection is possible.))

this this this this this ! the consequences are always so important because if nothing changes because you gave someone their honest opinion, it may as well be that you never stated your opinion at all. there needs to be some progress made because of it for it to be valuable.

[justasparkwritings]

Codename Cupid: Chapter 5

Previous: Codename First Heartbreak 

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook X OFC/PI, Mentions of Kim Seokjin X OFC

Genre: Secret AgentAU, AgentAU, Light Strangers to Lovers AU

Rating: PG13

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Swearing, Legal Alcohol Consumption

Summary: The search for Kim Seokjin begins, and our PI makes an unexpected acquaintance. 

Searching for Seokjin 

Present Day

         I’ll admit, the heartbreak Euna endured at the hands of Kim Seokjin felt a little too real, a little too personal, a little too familiar. Reading the chapters in her manifesto that detailed the love she had for him, reminded me of listening to Kacey Musgrave’s first album and asking, to no one in particular, who hurt you?

        Whether or not he realized it, their five-month triste had set in motion the ways in which Euna moved through her relationships with men. It was clear that their college love story created deep seated insecurity, one that caused her to shy away from dating. Shy away, and then lean in fully and totally in a manner that would make Charles Manson go “whoa step back”. But that’s a story for later, because Seokjin never felt the extend of Euna’s love. No, that was reserved for Min Yoongi. But again, a story for another time.  

        Kim Seokjin, being first on the list, was the first man I wanted to track down. He had practically no social media presence, no LinkedIn or job profiles, no known address. All Euna had to go off of was he worked at some bank in New York, but that was after graduation. Five years later, she didn’t know if he’d still be there.

        “Hi, I am calling for a Mr. Kim,” I say into my phone.

        “Which Mr. Kim would you be referencing?” The receptionist asks.

        “Kim Seokjin,” I respond.

        “Hmm, I do not have a Kim Seokjin in the directory,” She says.

        “Do you happen to have a forwarding number or address?” I ask.

        “No, unfortunately not. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

        “No, thank you,” I hang up and gently set my phone on my desk. Of course, he didn’t still work there, what promising young man would stay at a mid-tier firm when he had the potential for such greatness, as Euna described?

        I pick up my phone and dial my favorite number.

        “If this is to ask me to search something for you illegally, the answer is no,” My sister says, not bothering to begin our chat with any formality.

        “C, you know I have full access to the state database,” I remind her, twirling in my chair.

        “Then what’s your question?” She demands.

        “I need a national search,” I inform her.

        “No,” C says.

        “Come on, please?” I ask.

        “No,” She says again.

        “You know you’re the golden child, mom and dad already love you more, so can you help me out?” I plead.

        “You get one chance a year to use the ‘mom and dad’ card,” She reminds me.

        “Sis, this is an extenuating circumstance,” I tell her.

        “Lies,” She responds.

        “I’ll pay you,” I offer.

        “You do know the NSA taps these phones?” She whispers, knowing full well I do.

        I laugh a little too hard, “Then why are you absolutely dragging me?”

        “I can’t,” She tells me, voice returning to normal volume.

        “Fine.” I say, fingers moving swiftly over the keypad of my phone.

        “Why do you insist on putting me on speaker?” She groans.

        “It’s easier, I have many things to do,” I remind her.

        “Sure, you do, like find the pennies you lost in the couch. Still enough for rent, right?”

        “You can be such a bitch, you know that?” I snap.

        “You still coming out with us on Friday?” She changes subjects fluidly.

        “Well, I wasn’t-

        “You are coming, when’s the last time you, you know, hooked up?” She asks delicately.

        “I thought we were being tapped?” I laugh callously.

        “No no, that’s what you’re not doing,” She reciprocates.

        “You’re the worst, and I hate you,” I tell her.

        “Wear something revealing,” She suggests.

        “Don’t slut shame me,” I say.

        “You’re insufferable,” She responds.

        “Love you, mean it,” I tell her.

        “Love you, mean it,” She replies.

        If I know my sister, and I do, better than she realizes, tonight at the club she’ll have the information I need, the information to help me find not only Kim Seokjin, but the lot of them.

~~~~~

        Dressing in what my sister would ultimately call a boring, going to work outfit, I hopped into the Uber. I knew better than to drive, the full extent of the evening outlined in detail in a message from C. She always planned elaborate nights out, which resulted in black outs, drunk hook ups and dirty dancing. C wanted the nights to remain perfect blurred memories, fuzzy in our minds, growing more and more hazy as the years progressed. She knows well enough to schedule them quarterly, if not twice a year max, maintaining their elusiveness. She invites only the best of the best, her favorite people, and being the single younger sister, I am the pet project of all her married friends. It’s fucking excruciating. I would rather be shaving my legs dry than spend a drunken night with her friends who all remember me as the braces wearing tween they met me as.

        Tonight, will be no different.

        I enter the club, no cover, and slip my bomber jacket off as I walk towards the bar. My sister sits on a stool, laughing uproariously at her girlfriends, shoulders exposed as she downs what I’m assuming is a Lemon Drop. Spotting me, she waves.

        “You’re here!” She yells and eyes me up and down. “So glad you tried.”

        “I put make up on,” I tell her, blinking my eyes slowly enough that she can see the shadow and attempt at eyeliner. “I’m even wearing foundation.”

        “Wow, and what tween did you learn that from?” She asks, flagging down the bartender.

        I don’t dignify her question with a response, in turn favoring the bartender. He stares at me expectantly, “Tequila, shaken,” I turn to count the party, “Ten shots.”

        He nods before grabbing what I assume is the cheapest tequila from the shelf.

        “For you?” Elise asks.

        “For all of us,” I say winking. The bartender sets the shots down before asking if I want to close my tab. I nod, handing him my card without thinking.

        “Really? Two shots and you’re done for the night?” C asks me.

        “No, I just won’t be paying for them,” I reply laughing. Together we down our shots before turning to the dance floor. It’s a mess of sweating bodies, the neon lights illuminating fractions of everyone’s face, a nose here, an ear there, lips entangled over the beat of a Dua Lipa song. Clothing, soaked to the bone, clinging relentlessly onto everyone’s skin as they sweat through the music, liquor moving their limbs in wild gestures, inhibitions down, booties dropping. It’s euphoria and chaos, pleasure and sin.

        I fucking love it.

        My sister and I, though very different, have always had a shared love of dancing. Music bumping through speakers, full volume never being enough, in our blood. A part of us from our father, uniting our waring personas across decades, across the globe, and tonight, across the floor. Is there anything as blissful as dancing, hips swaying, arms overhead, lungs burning as we shout the lyrics. Heavenly.

        I retreat from the dance floor to the bar, waiting patiently for the bartender to notice my presence.

        “You look so happy out there,” A man says from behind me. I turn, surprised to see someone seated on the stool behind me. I truly almost sat on him.

        “Oh, hi, yeah, thanks,” I reply, smiling softly.

        “Do you think you could spare me a dance?” He asks, blush coating his cheeks.

        “Tell me this,” I say, eyes absorbing his Bambi like orbs, “How many fingers does Yoda have?”

        “Depends, which movie you’re talking about,” He smiles, and I swear I’ve been shot in the heart. No one should be this stunning in a dimly lit club, which means he’s going to be breathtaking in the light of day.

        “So how many?” I repeat.

        “Three in one film, two in another,” His nose scrunches.

        “Are you a nerd or just really into bar trivia?” I ask.

        “A bit of both,” He’s still smiling, and I’m wounded again.

        “Good to know,” I laugh lightly.

        “Can I buy you a drink?” He offers.

        “I thought you wanted a dance,” I remind him, winking.

        “Can I have both?” He asks, left eyebrow raising.

        “Depends,” I say smirking.

        “On?”

        “What are you drinking?” I ask.

        “Is this your game? Ask me questions to extrapolate information so you can decide if you’re interested?” He doesn’t mean to blast me, but he does.

        “Oo, you do read me so well,” I wink, a poor attempt at keeping any pretense or posture intact. “Tequila shot, shaken, lemon wedge, no salt.”

        He orders two shots and looks me over.

        “You’re gorgeous,” He says, sincerity in his eyes.

        “You are too,” I reply, eliciting a laugh from him.

        “Are you usually this forthcoming?”

        “Absolutely not, when you get to know me, you’ll see how closed off I truly am,” I thank the bartender before grabbing my shot. “To strangers in bars,”

        “And lovers amongst the stars,” He replies.

        “Shakespeare?” I smile again before tossing my shot back. “How’s about that dance?”

        “On one condition,” He stands, towering over me, his black hair moving like a curtain in front of his eyes.

        “What could that possibly be?” I ask, hand already reaching for his.

        “Tell me your name,” He uses his new hold on my hand to pull me close to him, chests pressing against one another’s.

        I stand on my tiptoes, pressing my already flushed cheek against his. “Y/N,” I say, lips grazing his decorated ear.

        He turns slightly, ensuring my cheek remains against his. “Jungkook,” His voice is husky, deep and resonating. It shivers through my body, the heat from him mixing with the anticipation building. Pulling away, he smiles again, “Let’s dance.”

Next: Codename Another Shot at Love Pt. 1

[cornflowercanine]

my opinion on all main homestuck characters now that ive actually reread it cw for 8rief discussion of a8leism for tavros', terezi's, mituna's, and wv's parts, racism for damara and m33nah's parts, and cw for a8usive rel8ionships for gamz33's part. also i dont like/care a8t a lot of hs chars so if you a8solutely cannot handle s33ing any dislike towards chars you kin/like/are ur comfort chars read smth else

june; the things she Does Can 8e interesting 8ut she in herself is not a character i (keyword i) find interesting like at fucking all. if she wasnt the main char id forget a8t her daily jade; waaa waaaaaa. she is so sw33t and dear 8ut holy fuck i have no idea whats wrong with her. i do still H8 the specific fanon of her that jade harley just H8s Her Friends Oh So Much and she is in Constant Immeasura8le Misery Always No Matter What and is just Really Good At Masking It and [insert pages more of collective projecting] 8ut honestly whatever the fuck is 8ehind 'dead grandpa tulpa that was 'way nicer when he was alive'' is anyones guess dave; neat. fun to read when he isnt at mercy of hussie 8eing a shitty person (making gross jokes). way more fun than fanon makes him out to 8e yes ofc hes traumatized 8ut are you just like, una8le to write funny characters? rose; ultim8ly i think she is Interesting, ALSO way more interesting than fanon has EVER made her out to 8e, i like her perspective on things (even if they are sometimes really defeatist(?) its certainly not SHALLOW or a COMMON frame of reference ppl usually use when writing a female char that goes off a8t stuff she knows, shes not stupid, and its interesting to s33) and i also lovelove when shes snappy and cracks jokes ('ive spent too much time around dave i also think ive spent too much time sharing his genes') and she is just a really really fascin8ing? character!! 8ut i. im not proud of it. 8ut i did admittedly skip some of her lines 8ecause she is very very wordy and this reread was meant to 8e leisurely pass through the 8its i like. so sorry maam.

karkat; imagine 8eing the most 8oring char ever. ive said it 8efore ill say it again i think the reason karkat is/was so popular is 8ecause he is so fucking intensely a tw33n/early t33n that is just learning to 8e a person and think for himself etc and one of the tr8s he has decided to take up is saying 'fuck' a lot. like, a lot. which is a thing other 12-14 year olds do and enjoy doing regularly. or well its not that i think he is o8jectively 8oring its just that i myself am so espescially unimpressed 8y Him and 8y extent everything he does and says fucking drags to me and the only time i have f33lings regarding him is when he has interesting commentary on chars i DO like or when he makes the rare actually funny joke. aradia; maam you are so fucking cool. i admittedly can forget her a little as does the rest of the fandom 8ut i DO find it strange the extent to which the fandom neglects her when every single fucking thing she did and does is cool as all hell. i LOVE her and i think the only reason megalovania is handed over to vriska is cause shes a light player, not cause she earned it tavros; oh my god i knew your character 8efore this was a8leism 8ut i didnt know just how 8ad it was. literally the only argua8le character he has outside of hussie 8eing grossly unwaveringly unendingly a8leist is him making the friend army at Literally The Very End Of The Story (which u could go 'oh its cause hes a page' yes 8ut hussie did NOT have to make EVERYTHING prior to that pure undiluted a8leism) and its just so... sad and disappointing and frustr8ing. i have s33n one or two tavros fans whos interpret8ion of him is NOT how hussie wrote him (o8vs), or 'aww purest 8a88y 8oy i just wanna hold him in my arms and kiss him on the head and-' OR 'ACTUALLY tavros is super fucking mean and cruel so he a8used vriska actually and-', and i leave this char to those fans. tl dr is that i WANT to like him 8ut hussie h8s him so much it just makes me sad sollux; i only like him for his rel8ionships to others, i like when he's friends (derogatory) with karkat cause i rel8 and think it's funny, and all arasol interactions hurt me d33ply, 8ut sollux, on his own, just for what he himself solely says? dont care, if he wasnt having an interesting interaction with another id eyeroll and skip whatever he was saying, pro8a8ly influenced 8y the fact i a8solutely cannot STAND people who wrap every single convo and interaction they have 8ack around to how much they h8 themselves/'h8 everyone'/that 'everythings gonna end up terri8le anyway' in real life, which i find kinda interesting nepeta; wwwaaa waaaaa. once again unsurprisingly her personality and interactions with others etc has way more going on than fanon makes her out to 8e ('shes really cute! end sentence.') even when she IS 8eing cute like in her rps with terezi or uhhh. her interactions with equius 8efore they die, its not like, just her going 't33h33 nya nya im so cutesy and stupid and childlike arent i' her f33lings towards and how she makes sense of her friends and ppl around her isnt stupid or wrong or whatever she ..... TL DR FANON 8LOWS ASS NEPETA IS A GOOD CHAR yes she also kills things 8ut if youre gonna make nepeta content reread at least a Smidgen of her canon stuff instead of leaping str8 to 'cute idiot/powerful preymurderer' kanaya; SMORCH. I REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS CHARACTER. LIKE ROSE I ALSO DID ADMITTEDLY SKIP SOME OF HER LINES 8UT IM NOT PROUD OF IT. cant really word Why i like her i just do. also re: her chalking every confusing/hard to grasp interaction up to 'human sarcasm', karkat and vriska (off the top of my head, mightve 833n more) Repeatedly say stupid shit and then when one replies with Some level of sincerity the other goes 'IT WAS SARCASM SHIT8RAIN' so i dont think sarcasm is smth that only humans invented or did i think kanaya is autistic which makes my heart 8ig thank you for everything kanaya maryam terezi; i think ive already stressed just how much i like her in a previous post 8ut hooooooly fuck is this character a8solutely fucking outstanding, i wouldnt say

'ground8reaking' 8c ppl STILL find or found a way to dilute her down to make her more pal8a8le or graspa8le, 8ut honestly i dont really think thats her fault i think that ppl interpreting Literally Terezi Fucking Pyrope as 'oh she just does everything she does out of 8eing horny for men lol!!111!!1' is the fault of misogynists lol. one of the chars that while i do wish hussie had Guidance/advice on writing (ex. 'this char is 8lind 8UT W8 they have a SUPER COOL ADVANCED OTHER SENSE/A8ILITY that Makes Up For It1!1!!!11' trope is a 8ad One), 8ut holy shit i wouldnt have had her any other way aside from that. how the fuck did hussie manage to pull her off. holy shit. vriska; i think ive talked a8out vriska serket more than is reasona8le or healthy in the history of my 8log so to sum it up as 8est i can; i think she's a 8ad, extremely sad to s33 Person, 8ut an outstanding ground8reaking character. almost all of my negative f33lings towards the retcon 8oil down to how much i h8 how vriska was handled post-retcon. 8ut everything 8efore that, she is one hell of a character. i never wanna say she's my Favor8 cause i Do Not like her as a Person 8ut i dont know how else i would explain or summarize it so equius; LOL!!!!!!! i am actually more disappointed in his existing since my reread 8c holy cow his interactions with aradia n33d like, a cw theyre so 8ad, and his Insistence over nepeta is kinda hard to read, 8ut also fucking wowie kazowie you sure are a joke character arentcha??? so fucking easy to make fun of and ill do it for forever gamz33; i literally dont care what he used to 8e like i h8 him so fucking much and almost all his fans are so fucking unnerving i just dont fucking care. if i didnt h8 him 8efore s33ing terezi go "WHY WONT YOU FIGHT 8ACK?!" when she's fighting him around s game over and her repeatedly apologizing when he goes 'youre hurting me' when aranea cant mind control him anymore IMMEDI8LY FOLLOWED 8Y HIM UNRELENTINGLY 8EATING THE SHIT OUT OF HER AND ALMOST KILLING HER MORE THAN ONCE IS SO. INHALES THROUGH NOSE AUDI8LY. oh also him smooching tavros' disem8odied head was weird as fuck eridan; also a joke char in my 8rain. i do not respect this character i do not respect fans of this character i do not respect anything a8out this character i do not respect pesterquest writers going 'hmmm lets make the char noted and characterized to 8e a cr33py forceful incel And Also Had March Eridan Happen transfem 8c thats good right' i could go on a8out how much i h8 eridan stans' arguments for his Anything 8ut TL DR I DO NOT LIKE CARE A8T OR RESPECT ERIDAN AMPORA feferi; god i wish she had more to her than she does. or well, she does have a lot to her kkkkkkinda in the way that rose and kanaya and nepeta do (where they have a lot going on and adding to their character, 8ut fans just Forget it???), 8ut i think it's that everything a8t her was so short-lived it made her espescially..... non-poignant. at least to fans. she's naive as 8alls 8ut i kinda love it (her going 'aww i put in a good word with the horrorterrors now everyone gets to 8e ghosts in dream 8u88les instead of permanant total demise :D [doesnt know how much 8eing a ghost or dream 8u88les kinda fucking suck]') and she used to 8e a comfort char for me 8ut just... wistful sigh. i think a8t her sometimes. i also think it's weird when ppl get really mad that she's said the r slur and then their fave char is Karkat Fucking Vantas like.

ADMITTEDLY THOUGH NOT AS REGRETFULLY I WILL SAY I SKIPPED ALMOST EVERY SINGLE LINE AND PART FROM AND A8OUT THE ALPHA KIDS IM SORRY I MIGHT GO 8ACK AND REREAD ONLY THOSE IN THE FUTURE 8UT GOD THEY ARE ALL SO. NOT 8ORING. 8UT STRAINING AND REPETITIVE AND REWARDLESS TO READ AND GET THROUGH. ROXY IS COOL 8UT THAT'S NOT REALLY UP FOR DE88 IF YOU DO NOT LIKE ROXY LALONDE WTF ARE YOU DOING

damara; MAKES ME REALLY SAD this is another char that, like tavros, i wish was written 8y literally any8ody other than hussie. her 8eing 'horny japanese schoolgirl' makes me want to scream and even aside from that (re; her rel8ionship issues, her destroying the session, etc) makes me really fucking sad. i want to 8e her moirail sm and i h8 hussie rufioh; I......I REALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO F33L A8T THIS CHAR HONESTLY??? in 2018 i proudly remem8ered him as The Most Forgetta8le Char In Hs, after that up until this reread i just h8ed him, 8UT NOW I... DONT... KNOW????? his convo where he attempts to 8reak up with horuss makes me f33l weird, his 'says '8a8ydoll'' demeanor makes me f33l weird, his 8eing heavily 8ased on a real ass person (well, rufio the char, 8ut hussie put more emphasis on Rufio As Played 8y Dante 8asco imo) alongside the fact dante 8asco has actually read and s33n the 'hussies self insert kisses the Rufio As Played 8y Dante 8asco' part of hs MAKES ME F33L SUPER FUCKING WEIRD, i just dont know how to f33l a8out him at all. 8ut the fact he's always had wings is pretty cool! cause i like wings mituna; in the same catagory as tavros, not to the same Extent id say (whether or not thats due to mituna having way less scr33ntime/shown interactions than tavros idk), 8ut the 'personality is a8leism, is awkward To women which is prolly also part of 'hussie thinks disa8led ppl are gross and 8ad', fans either interpret him as 'aww poor 8a88y' or 'ew weak loser' which are 8oth also really 8ad' is still There. kankri; lol. the only thing to say a8t him other than 'lol' is that i skipped every single thing he read 8ut the only thing my eyes unfortun8ly glanced over was him saying 'also try not to flaunt the usage of your legs' toooooo, i Think m33nah in reference to tavros? which is so. every time you think hussie is unfunny and exhausting they manage to get even unfunnier and more exhausting. meulin; WWWAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAA im a kinnie i dont have anything un8iased to say 8ut i love her and wanna wipe kurloz off the plane of existence (or well, not literally, cause even if it is a terri8le place he does still serve a place in the story and add depth to it, its just 'kurloz my head f33ls foggy what happened' ':o)' 'hehe ur right its pro8a8ly nothing!!!' hurts me to read) porrim; REALLY REALLY GOOD CROWD CH33RING I LOVE HER SM i'd assume for a set of chars intended to 8e stereotypes and one of them's themes (idk how to word it :( ) is feminism and Hussie Wrote It that she'd 8e kankri-level 'mocking oppressed ppl not wanting to 8e oppressed' 8ut no from what i read (i dont think i read all her lines cause that flash is particularly confusing to finish As A Game) she's really good and i love her sm. her rel8ionship with kanaya is really sw33t too and i love her 'i h8ed everything to do with this thing meant to k33p me in line 8ut as i got older i started to realize that some things rel8ed to it werent Just For k33ping me in line and genuinely had purpose outside of it' 8UT THAT THAT DIDNT END AS 'and thats why im 8orn to make 8a8ies for the rest of my life haha love and light women are weak and stupid :)' IT ENDED UP AS '8ut even still i dont really Want To and thats not really what im drawn to, or even if i could i cant really, do this thing so im asking my little sister who actually does want to and care a8t this thing to pick up where i left off and to do what i couldnt/cant/just dont have to 8c i dont want to, 8ut that she should still question stuff a8t and rel8ing to it so that even if she really honest to god does she understands it more and theres more 8ehind her motiv8ion for it' ITS JUST SO. SORRY THIS 8IT IS SO LONG IM JUST REALLY GLAD SHE HAS THE DEPTH SHE DOES AND ALSO I THINK SHES HOT XOXO LOVE AND LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also her actually trustworthy (in contrast to kankri) commentary on 8eforan society adds story that desper8ly n33ded to 8e there and i thank her for that OK IM DONE NOW latula; also hot. weirdly enough initially i H8ED her just cause her theme jumpscared me XD???? 8ut god i love her. i also

love her mentioning that she has to take meds shes just.... siiiigh. thank you women. aranea; ok i dont like H8 h8 her 8ut also i cant think of any wording to encapsul8 just how much i h8 her??? really im a (vris)kinnie i think you can get why i dont like her (in that i think shes (weirdly enough for a 8illions of ghostsw33ps old person) immature and doesnt think shit through and is a tryhard and mnghgmnhghgf) 8UT GOD I DONT LIKE HER AND I ALSO SKIPPED LOTS OF SHIT SHES SAID WITH NO REGRET WHATSOEVER XOXO 8ut i think her talksprite is pretty!! and her final death scene is cool as shit. s33 you in hell you stupid fruit horuss; um. ಠ_ಠ and also i dont think his kin/dildo/8eing o8livious jokes are that funny kurloz; if you think you h8 kurloz makara more than me you're fucking wrong cronus; weirdly enough i kinda didnt realize just how much he sucked during my first read? i read 'no8ody realizes just how sensitive i am' and me gulli8le as 8ricks was like hm? and then he was like 'i h8 women' and i was liek LOL [close convo] 8ut now that ive reread WOW this guy really does fucking SUCK huh. like hes 8AD 8ad hes a SHITTY shitty person like for real holy fuck m33nah; YET ANOTHER CHAR I WISH WAS WRITTEN 8Y LITERALLY ANYONE OTHER THAN (or well, 8etter than) ANDREW MIDDLENAME HUSSIE! 8oth on the 8eing racist and on the 'everything else she does' front she makes me sad in a 'god i wish you were 8etter' way. actually a lot like damara now that i think a8t it its just my 'even aside from that this char makes me sad' f33lings for damara are cause im a meulkinnie and for m33nah its cause im a (vris)kinnie

I SKIPPED THE INTERMISSION AND DIDNT READ A LOT OF CARAPACIAN DIALOGUE IN GENERAL 8ut i love the qu33ns, I LOVE PM SM I THINK SHES HOT ALSO, i think sn0wman is o8noxiously hot and i love her, and; wv; a really good character imo, it's odd to me that hs took the fan interpret8ion (8UT ALSO IM NOT SURE IF THIS WAS THE INTERPRET8ION OF HIM AT THE TIME CAUSE I WAS NOT THERE IM JUST GUESSING) of him 8eing 'awww cute sw33t dear mayor' when he. ['you dont like to look at the 8arcode on ur wrist it gives you 8ad memories', he is old as fuck, and also did a LOT past just Stand There and Look Cute'], which if it's just cause he's short i find really funny, 8ut if it's cause he's nonver8al i find... less funny. i mean he Is kinda cute in general 8ut thats just cause carapacians at large are cute little dudes wv is not an exception 8ut also you think he got the uramium pulled out of his gut 8arehanded for this?????

i dont really care a8t the ancestors cause most of them are from a storytelling perspective with not much depth so im just like 'haha whoa adult troll cool' and thats it, idc a8t the human guardians 8ut i h8 8ro strider cause im normal, 8ye

[loverontheleft]

Long anon has thoughts and I’m here to reply but also I’m fucking wasted

Okay, different anon, but I love giving unsolicited advice (joking, joking... kind of), so I had to chime in. Plus I think I’ve read RtL like 2 or 3 times in full now (way more if you count all the times I’ve read a chapter because of the sex scene and then just kept reading after that), so I’m very invested. God you’re better than me. I didn’t mind chapter 30. It wasn’t my personal favorite scene (that’s just really not my jam, if I wanna revel in the angst, I prefer the later chapters), but with some tweaks I do think it was a good addition. Like, it did give the relationship a little more, I’m not sure if this is the right word, respectability? Realism? Weight? It showed that they’re not just clouded by lust or the honeymoon phase. Which is where I get into the conflict of fanfic imagine writing vs fiction writing. Most fanfic readers seem like they don’t want the plot and the character growth and the realism. The point is fantasy. I can do that short-term, but in a long-haul series like this…angst is necessary. Tension is necessary. Their relationship doesn’t exist in this perfect little bubble, it’s “perfect” because they’re really compatible, and that’s even more important than love in a longterm relationship. It showcased how much Brendon is devoted to his work, which is one of the reasons the reader loves him, but it has the real possibility of causing real issues that they need to address and work through. Now, again, it needs a little work. I don’t love that B basically accused the reader of being intentionally malicious, and I also don’t love that she was more of the victim rather than it being a two-way conflict. I think it could’ve had more of a build-up (I know you said you sort of wrote this without a plan so it makes sense that the build-up wasn’t as much as I think it needed to be, but, hey, that’s the beauty of rewriting it.) and oh rewriting it will be a thing eventually. Like she doesn’t love that he’s overworking and she brings it up a few times throughout like 3 to 5 chapters before nationals, and it sort of gradually goes from the reader going, “hey I think your hyperfocus on your job is starting to affect both your quality of life and our relationship” (obviously in a way that’s more writer-y and less information dump-y lol) to “I’m starting to feel like a toy you play with when you’re interested and completely ignore when you have homework.” And then Brendon’s responses starting at, “oh I’m sorry, babe, I’ll manage my time a bit better,” all the way to, “why don’t can’t you respect my career?” Then in chapter 30, it all comes to a head and they full on fight instead of the previous semi-passive-aggressive communication they had before. I like you; you understand what my brain is trying to do with this rewrite.

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, as much I think fighting and arguing can be healthy and necessary, I HATED the fight in chapter 19 (at least I think it’s 19. The one where he’s like, “just talk to him, you’re being crazy”). No it’s totally bullshit I hate it too; even writing it I was like ughhhh. I love your work and I don’t want to be rude, but this is just how I feel about one chapter in an otherwise beloved series. It’s not rude; that was jammed in there for the plot and god I hated it then and I hate it now it’s just bad writing. It’s that I just think it was so out of character, for both of them to some extent, but especially Brendon it was. Maybe it’s just the reader projecting her ex onto Brendon when she’s feeling distressed, so that’s why he seems SO different from the way he was in previous chapters (hell, even earlier in that chapter no it took a sharp left turn it’s a bad chapter) and than every other chapter afterward which okay can we agree Chapters 18-26 are whaaaat is happening and 27-31 are ?? and 32 is steamy forgiveness and then 33-36 are smut but so little plot and…oh god I have so much to rewrite I’m gonna cry but he’s so fiercely passionate and protective over, not just the reader, but sort of everything that he cares enough to invest time into (teaching, music, the reader, lovemaking 😏😂, etc.) that don’t think he would’ve proposed talking to the ex at all, much less become all cold and calculating and downright rude when talking to her. I almost think it would be more realistic if she said, offhandedly, “maybe I’ll just talk to him, try to get rid of him, give him some money, I just want this over with,” and Brendon AT THAT POINT would be like, “no absolutely not, you’re being crazy/irrational .” And then it would turn into a big fight because the reader not only feels condescended and invalidated, she’s starting to feel controlled and smothered, which in conjunction with all the feelings that have been brought up with the ex in town, makes her feel like she just needs to get away from B. I guess that wouldn’t have the same effect later on at the end with the lockdown drill which I really want to cut, good lord Cece it was so extra wtf (full disclosure: at the time of writing, the school where I was a teacher had an active shooter in the area but not on campus, so I was probably processing that?? See my note below about writing as therapy), but it would still kind of work. Instead of B realizing that the reader was right about the ex, it would be the reader realizing that B really just cares for her wants what’s best for her, and ofc B would have to apologize for saying that the reader’s crazy because that’s sooo shitty. Actually, now that I think about it, that might be more effective. Other than that one argument, there wasn’t a big question of whether or not B respected the reader and her judgment, but with the ex showing up, the reader was getting scared about being in another serious relationship and being so dependent on someone else oh definitely. Doesn’t help I was using writing as my therapy since I was very out of a mentally abusive six-year relationship. I just peppered in my own trauma left and right (drunk Cece put left and write at first lmao) and left the characters to figure it out and that’s not fair to y’all so it would be much better narratively to confirm to the reader that she can trust Brendon and that he cares for her even if he messes up rather than to just have an argument that gets resolved. Which would work too if it weren’t for the fact that the characters and dialogue were so off, just maybe not quite as well. Lots of changes to be made; you’re not wrong.

Okay, I’m sorry for talking your figurative ears off omg no I love it this is a craft revision and I’m so here for it. Feel free to say I’m way overstepping because, well, I am, but I’m a fan okay!!! Idk if you’re overstepping I’m too drunk but I don’t deserve fans I’m crying yall are so wonderful And I overthink EVERYTHING, so there’s that too haha same though. These are just things to consider and jumping off points, so don’t let it change whatever you have planned. I’m sure it’ll be great, and frankly, I mostly read for the smut anyway so I don’t know why I’m so invested in the plot LMAO this is why I’m worried about Dulce being a slow burn y’all just want the smuuuut and @beautiful-tragic-fallout can tell you there’s a huge difference between my fanfic writing and my fiction writing though you’d think they’d be similar. Maybe I’ll just write it as a novel, never post it here, hope it sells, and one day y’all can be like “this book plot sounds familiar… I remember this slut who wrote a bunch on tumbl—wait, is this author actually Cece?!?” Because, reminder, Cece is an abbreviation of my second middle name and very few people actually know it at all and my published fiction writing isn’t under Cece (I’m mostly joking, but really, as long as the porn’s good, you could write anything well, thank you.) I’m sure this whole ask is riddled with typos and forgotten words and bad grammar (brevity has never been my strength), so I’d also like to apologize for all that. Listen I’m so drunk right now…I didn’t even notice. And my responses probably are too.

[avengerscompound]

The Tower: The Queen of Asgard, 7

The Tower: The Queen of Asgard An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 1717

Warnings: none

Synopsis: The twins are now three and while the Avengers know that Clint and Thor are the biological father’s none of them know or care which blond, blue-eyed baby is related to which man.  When Riley gets the power to control wind and it becomes evident that she is the heir to the Asgardian throne, Elly, Steve, Thor, and Tony take the twins to Asgard to train her.

Not every Asgardian is happy with their king’s choice of consort, nor the impurity of the heir’s blood.  While others expect Thor to make things more official.  What’s clear is, the role of Queen of Asgard is not easily filled.

Author’s Note: Written with @fanficwriter013​ who is practically dead.

Chapter 7 - The Palace

Thor led us through into the grand entrance of the palace.  It was a massive hall almost a football field wide with large doors coming off it and staggered stairs up, so it gradually rose up.  Everything was ornately decorated in gold.  From the gilding on the marble floors to the intricate artwork on the ceiling.  There were pillars at even intervals on the way down and in the distance ahead was a large doorway and light spilled from it.  Guards, dressed in gold, were stationed at the pillars on either side of the hall.  It was clear that the hall was built to hold the city if need be and was used for official events.

“Ahead is the throne room, but we are heading to the royal wing,”  Thor said taking a right turn before we reached the throne room

This hall was much smaller but still bigger than any in our house, which was bigger than the average house.  The light coming through the large arched windows and skylights seemed golden too.  It was as if the whole of Asgard was just dipped in gold.

“This palace is vast,”  Loki said.  She was carrying Pietro still who was now looking around a little.  “You could be easily lost.”

“And no FRIDAY to help,”  I joked.

“Was that a challenge?”  Tony asked.

“No.  She’s just not here so I don’t get lost.”  I said giving him a look.

“Sounded like a challenge to me.”  Tony insisted.

“It wasn’t, Tony!”

“Steve, tell her,”  Tony said.  “No, wait.  Bug, didn’t mommy just challenge me?”

Riley nodded her head sagely.  “Is a chawenge.”

“Thanks, Bug.  And what do we say to those?”

“Chawange assepted!”  She roared.

I started laughing and shook my head.  “Oh, god.  What have you been teaching her?”

“Nothing, she’s just my little girl.”  He said.

“So what does that actually mean?”  I asked.  Are you installing AI into the palace?”  I asked.

“No, not the palace.”  He said.  “Maybe you can have a personalized AI butler,”  Tony said.

I looked at him quizzically.  “For me specifically?”

“Well, duh.  You get lost in your own room.”

Steve snorted as he tried to stifle a laugh and I smacked his arm.  “Well, thank you, Tony,”  I said.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a squeeze.  “Oh, good.  I thought I was going to get in trouble for that one.”

“For making me something because you’re worried about me?  Never.”  I said.

“So, my little bug.  Should I make mommy a bracelet or a robot?”  He asked.

“Robod,”  Riley said without even pausing to think about it.

Tony ruffled her hair.  “You got it, kiddo.”

Thor smiled and turned, opening a door.  “I thought you might like to invent while you were here, so I had this made for you and Banner.”

Tony looked at the lab and then at Thor in shock.  “You made a lab for me?”  He said coming in and slowly walking around the room.

“Yes, of course.  I want you to feel at home.”  He said.

There was the briefest of moments where Tony looked at Thor with the softest and most loving expression.  I think he was starting to see what I had been seeing this week and missed.  Thor was in love with us.  Completely.  We weren’t a side project for him.  He wanted us to be with him here.  Being king was his side project keeping him from us.  Not the other way around.

“Alright, kiddos.  Who wants to look at the space lab?”  Tony said, clapping Thor on the shoulder.

“Yeah!”  Riley said, bouncing a little.

Pietro picked his head up from Loki’s shoulder.  “I wanna.”

Loki put him down and they both toddled off after Tony as he moved around the lab looking at things.  Pietro grabbed Tony’s hand and tugged on it.  “Wanna see, pwease.”

Tony picked him up and Pietro started clambering up onto his shoulders.   “Oh, you want to be up, up, huh?”  He said helping him to get all the way up.

“So how’s it look?  You got everything you need?” I asked.

“I mean, I don’t know what half this stuff is, but finding out is gonna be fun,”  Tony said, a huge smile plastered on his face.

Riley tried to climb up onto a chair to reach one of the workbenches and Loki swooped in and scooped her up and put her on her hip.  “How about we don’t do that?”  She said.

“Look at you being the responsible one.”  I teased.

“Don’t get used to it.”  She snarked.

Riley started to stroke Loki’s hair.  “Little one, did you not learn to leave people’s hair alone?”  Thor asked.

“Is that what happened to the almighty royal hair?”  Loki teased.

“I dot stuck,”  Riley said poking out her bottom lip.

Loki chuckled and kissed Riley’s brow.  “Very good.  Well, it has been 800 years since your last haircut, brother.  You were well overdue.”

Thor rolled his eyes and looked over at Tony.  “Have you seen enough?  Shall we continue to our living quarters?”

Tony agreed and we all headed back out and down a hall.  Thor led our little group to a door at the end of the hall and opened it up.  Inside was what looked like a large living area.  It had a circular couch in the middle of the room around an ottoman and there was a large dining table that would easily fit the entire family.  Around the room were 12 doors.  All closed.  The room still contained a lot of gold, but here they were more highlights to the reds and whites that were decorating the room.

“Oh wow,”  I said coming in.

“This is not my primary dwellings,”  Thor explained coming in.  “I had them built for you when the twins were born.  I hoped that Riley’s lineage might convince you to come to spend time here eventually.  Each door leads to a bedroom for each of us.  And one for the twins.  But you will find the beds are large enough in the adult's rooms to accommodate all of us.  The door directly opposite leads to the main bath.  There are smaller ones attached to each room.”

I looked around the room with my mouth open before turning to Thor.  “How long have you been hoping we will visit, Thor?”

Thor shrugged a little but didn’t answer.  I shook my head a little to clear it.   “This room is for you, my queen,”  Thor said, showing me to one of the rooms.  “It’s second only to mine.”

I looked at him and blinked.  “Why?”

“Asgardian tradition,”  Thor said, not really addressing the question at all.

“What?  What tradition?”  I asked.

Loki rolled her eyes.  “The one where the mother of the heir gets special treatment.”  She explained.  I scrunched up my face and Loki laughed.  “He has really left you in the dark, hasn’t he?”

“Yes.  What is going on with you and not telling us stuff?”  I asked.

He shook his head again.  “I apologize.”  He said and let out a breath.  “As the king’s consorts, you are all considered royalty.  I have chosen you.  As the mother of the heir that puts you in the position of Queen of Asgard and will be treated as thus.”

I am not sure I could have dropped my jaw any lower.  Here I was, still having trouble accepting gifts from Tony after so long together and now I was the Queen of Asgard all of a sudden?  “Right,”  I said and shook my head.  “So, are we expected to act a certain way?”

“No,”  Thor said.  “But you will be treated as Royalty.”

“Should I change?”  I asked looking down at the t-shirt I’d stolen from Sam I was wearing over yoga pants.

“You are not obliged to,”  Thor said.  “At the feast tonight, you will be required to dress up.  Here you can be comfortable.”

“Right,”  I said.  “The feast.”  I looked over at Loki who still had Riley in her arms.  “Loki, would you like to have some alone time with the children?  I know Pietro has a lot of books to show you.”

“You brought me lots of books?”  Loki asked.

Pietro wriggled and Tony put him back on the ground.  He ran over to Steve, getting his bag and then dragged it on the floor over to Loki, sitting down on the floor and immediately starting to pull out books.

“Wouldn’t you like to go to the library, little prince?”  Loki asked.

Pietro looked up at Loki and then down at the books he had just pulled out like he’d just made a huge mistake.  Loki chuckled and crouched down helping to pack them back up.  She swung the bag over her shoulder and scooped Pietro up too so she was holding both of them.  “Say goodbye to your parents.”

“Bye, daddies.  Bye, mommy.”  They said waving as Loki carried them from the room.

I took Thor’s hand and led him to the couch, sitting down with him.  I entwined my fingers with his and looked into his eyes.  “Alright, spill.  What’s going on with you?  Why aren’t you telling us things?”

He let out a breath and lowered his head.  “I didn’t think you would come if you knew the extent to which you would be revered.”

“Of course we would, Thor.  You are part of our family and this is your world.  I would have come much sooner if I’d ever even suspected it was possible or something you wanted.  But even if I didn’t feel that way, Riley is your daughter.  She needs to be prepared for what that means.  I’d be here for her.”  I said.

“Oh,”  Thor said looking down at my hand.

I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled into his neck.  “Is there anything else we need to be prepared for?”

He shook his head.  “That should be it.  The feast will be grand.  It is in yours and the children's honor.  But you aren’t expected to do anything special.”

“Okay,”  I said and pulled back, looking into his eyes.  “How long have you wanted us to come?” 

He frowned and leaned his head against mine.  “Since the day we met.”

// NEXT

[dogcopter]

Rose is Lion Liveblog episode 45: Rose’s Scabbard Part One (long)

Rose is Liveblog 2020 Masterlist

(recap/summary: I’m liveblogging every Lion appearance in SU in order to emphasize that he is obviously the heinous, beautiful Rose Quartz in disguise. This episode in particular is a smoking gun like Escapism)

Lion takes center stage opposite Pearl in Rose’s Scabbard. Steven learns a bit about him, and about Rose. This episode, Lion’s revelatory behavior towards Pearl stands out.

Lion looks unhappy to be here. He is unhappy because he is Rose Quartz, and has thousands of years of regrets.

Pearl suggests Steven rob a grave and also that he get Lion obedience training. Lion appears to follow a magic butterfly through the strawberry patch. 

Steven says “We’re making progress. Now he looks at me when I say his name!” and calls to Lion, who ignores him.

Lion digs up Rose’s Scabbard.

Pearl’s jaw drops.

“That’s the scabbard to Rose’s sword!”

She tries to yank it from Lion’s mouth. He’s annoyed, because it was for Steven, not her.

Lore concept: In this episode, it’s made clear that Lion knows Pearl, likes her, and cares about her to some extent. These things are true of Rose Quartz, but new to Lion’s characterization.

Lion resists at first, but is defeated. Pearl shoos him away. 

One of Lion’s most consistent traits thus far is not giving a shit about what anyone around him is doing, but this episode, he’s attentive to Pearl. Why’s he making eye contact with Pearl and reacting personally? IMO that is super obviously Rose Quartz.

Look at this exchange. Lion often has ambiguous expressions, but that looks like a smile. Lol.

Although he “spoke” to Steven in Lion and Lion 2, at this point in the series he has only recently shown real affection toward Steven, in Lion 3. There’s also a whole running gag in almost all of his appearances that he doesn’t care what Steven wants or cares about because he’s a cat. He’s hardly ever attentive to Steven’s requests, with the exception of Rose lore. 

Amethyst hugged him once onscreen, in Ocean Gem, and he and Pearl watched Steven sleep and she spoke at him once. The only other character he’s interacted with at any length onscreen is Connie, and they will become close later in the series because Rose Quartz loves Imagination and Connie is an MG fantasy protagonist. At this point, Connie and Lion had a couple of moments: his interest in her in Lion 2 and cooperating to rescue Steven in Ocean Gem. But aside from how he acted in Lion 2 he really hasn’t been social like this.

Lion snorts in Pearl’s face when she shoos him, annoying her. 

“Mom fought here?” “That’s right! And I fought alongside her.” (said while alongside Lion)

A teary-eyed Pearl recounts the glory of Rose Quartz. 

Garnet tries to keep it real, but Pearl at this point in the series is still coping via Rose Quartz fanfiction, which has been her coping mechanism ever since a clown dressed up as her hot OC 6,000 years ago, so naturally, she associates telling epic RQ stories with inspiring her charge (Steven) in an effort to fill the void...

Anyway she says “Here we made our stand against our Homeworld!” and a half-truth, “We won!” Winning meaning the Earth not being colonized I suppose. 

We don’t get to see Lion’s reaction to this. Probably as he is Rose Quartz he is thinking things like, “At one point listening to a Rose Quartz story GMH but now the lies are too bitter” or “this is almost definitely where I betrayed my best friend and biggest fan, the #1 Crystal Gem, Bismuth. I am a bad person” or maybe “It sucks that approx. 5,300 years ago all these people believed in the cause and now they’re digimons in bubbles in the basement and I feel personally responsible” or maybe just “It’s sad to see Pearl like this.” there are layers. Or maybe he feels nothing at all because Rose is still working on empathy! It’s probably a mix of different things.

Steven is dazzled, ofc, which is what matters.

Next part of the ep lacks Lion but recap: Pearl wants to show Steven a SECRET SECRET Rose place, secret even to Amethyst and Garnet! They travel on foot and she carries him up a cliff without a belay. Steven has already been there via Lion, which breaks Pearl’s fragile hard-light projection heart in two. Then he smashes it to bits under his heel by knowing where Rose’s long-lost sword is.

Reiterating: Lion knew about the cave because he is Rose Quartz. This was a very secret home base for Pearl and Rose’s eyes only. 

Arguably, sure, Rose could have traveled around the world with Lion showing him places, especially places she’d rather forget, but Lion being Rose just fits better when you consider both information (lore) and behavior (personality). 

Steven Universe Future relevant characterization meta sidenote: This LB is about Lion, but by extension it’s also about Rose and Steven. Here’s another formative moment: Steven is really excited to show Pearl he knows where Rose’s sword is. This is an occasion where Steven is trying to be helpful, but everything goes poorly and he thinks it’s his fault. Pearl was overjoyed to bring him to a dangerous place full of secrets, both canonically core elements of Steven’s desire for bonding activities with the gems (For example, Secret Team, Serious Steven). He also loves learning more about his mom and yearns for lore on her (Story for Steven, Lion 3).

Steven’s dream came true today, he got a dangerous adventure and a bonding moment where he also learns about his mom. He doesn’t realize the glorious war stories are lies/coping mechanisms, he’s still a hundred episodes away from learning the terrible truth about Pink Diamond, and he has not a single clue this will upset Pearl or how badly. He’s just trying to show her something cool like she did for him. She falls apart and then he spends the rest of the episode “picking up the pieces”. 

Pearl: “Rose’s sword. How did it get in there?” 

(Lion: Oh boy.) Steven: “I don’t know! But there’s a ton of stuff in there!”

Steven:  “I keep stuff in him, too.” (Lion: STEVEN DON’T TELL HER THAT)

Lion’s face is doing this as Steven says this because he’s Rose Quartz. He just realized Steven might tell the Crystal Gems that Bismuth has unjustly imprisoned for over five millennia, or bring out that chest, and is bracing for impact. The childhood traumatized Rose Quartz has never been ready to face people.

Luckily Steven is an adorable fool.

Pearl: “But how?” 

Lion, who was downright chummy with Pearl earlier, doesn’t want her messing with the mane.

After all, Lion isn’t just a secret Rose kept from Pearl. He’s like a series of secrets within secrets Rose kept from Pearl. And he’s Rose, actively keeping herself secret from Pearl. And that is kind of a bummer.

See, he makes so much eye contact with her this ep. He’s not acting like he did in others; he’s probably spent more time onscreen caring about Pearl than about Steven at the moment. 

I’m so proud of Pearl for her growth and that she was able to talk secrets eventually, this was a rough period for her.

This is Pearl’s face as she realizes that Rose had secrets even from her, even though she is also a container of Rose’s secrets. (Episode title drop)  “But Rose didn’t have a lion.” “It seems like her stuff in there.”

Note that we don’t see Lion’s face again for this part. I wonder if when we get the reveal, we’ll see a new side of some of these past scenes where Lion’s back is to us.

 “Rose didn’t have a lion! Because if Rose had a lion, I would have known about it.”

“Rose kept many things secret. Even from us.”

Pearl is teary-eyed again, this time actually in tears. “But not from me! I was the one she told everything!”

This is untrue. Bismuth is right there, and as recently as Volleyball, Pearl was learning new things Rose never told her. But the secret Pearl had to keep for Rose, the secret of her identity and Pink Diamond’s shattering, is so significant that the alternative is unthinkable because it changes Pearl’s self-image as much as her image of Rose. Even though at the time (and probably still, certainly at the time of this episode) doing that was her proudest moment and with the intent to break free of the system once and for all, both the trauma of what followed and of Rose’s decision to refuse Pearl the ability to speak of it had completely shaped her life from that point forward.

Not to belabor the point but Rose as Lion in this scene is witnessing the effects of what she did and of losing her on Pearl, like how he was present for the gems responding to Steven’s “death” in So Many Birthdays, or the events of “Cry For Help”.

“Yo, you’re not the only one who misses her!” We glimpse some of what Amethyst is struggling with - and details on Amethyst and Rose’s relationship are few and far between. Garnet showing genuine surprise, too. Possibly she is future visioning that Pearl is about to knock down Rose’s portrait.

Remember Lion is sitting there seeing all this. So is Steven, who just wanted to surprise and delight Pearl with the sword.

“You can’t understand how I feel! None of you had what we had!”

This one really is true, but Steven won’t learn how true until the events of Now We’re Only Falling Apart. Still no visible reaction from Lion, but he does appear to be listening attentively.

Steven echoes Pearl’s own line from earlier in an attempt to reassure her like she reassured him. Great leaders have to keep secrets to protect people! “She probably just wanted to protect you, like everybody else.”

“What do you know?” Pearl’s hurtful words cut Steven, who is only trying to help. 

”You’ve never even met her!”

Now we see Lion looking at Pearl with everyone else. Steven has taken a step back in fear.

The portrait begins to fall from the wall,

Garnet activates Sapphire speed and catches it. Lion’s back is to us once again, as is the portrait’s.

Pearl glances at Steven’s face again, looking strung out on grief and presumably fresh guilt for what she just said,

And takes off. Amethyst says, “Fine! Go cry about it!” Steven says, “Where did she go?” and Amethyst replies, “Who cares? I hate it when she gets like this.” This isn’t the first time Pearl has been upset like this since losing Rose. These are their reactions to that. 

Amethyst frustrated, maybe because Rose was the most important relationship in her life too, and Pearl’s words about being the most important devalue that. Garnet is carrying on putting the portrait away.

“Garnet?”

Garnet doesn’t answer him. She probably doesn’t know what to say. This has been the family dynamic since at least losing Rose.

Steven pushes down his own hurt feelings. Asks about Pearl instead. “Is she okay?” Garnet still doesn’t respond. This kid needs a parent to rely on!

“Well, I’m gonna go find her.”

“Do you know where she went?”

The heartbreaker Rose Quartz growls an affirmative. Unlike Garnet and Amethyst, who are exhausted by the cycle of grief they’ve been trapped in since Rose gave up her physical form & who’ve probably given up trying to talk to Pearl when she won’t (or can’t) talk to them if they tried in the first place, Lion and Steven want to chase after Pearl and do something.

Lore: Lion knows where Pearl is (The battlefield) because he is Rose Quartz.

Rose knows where Pearl would go to be upset about this (Rose, the sword, lies). Just like the armory was a place known only to Pearl and Rose, the floating island Pearl is about to leave Steven to is an unmarked location with special significance to Pearl and Rose.

Sure, we were just there and they found the sword, as the audience we need a setting established before we can return to it and it bookends the episode – but Pearl’s first line introducing the setting in the episode is:

“This was a site of a historic battle. Every weapon here was left by a gem over 5,000 years ago. I don’t like to disturb it, but Garnet said we can’t just leave these lying around.”

She describes that it was an important place because of the battle that happened there, but a place that lay mostly undisturbed for over 5,000 years, and Pearl makes it sound like she’s rarely visited since. No personal connection or feelings, really, aside from respect for the dead. It paints a very different picture from the one she projects for Steven in just a few minutes.

“Let’s go find Pearl!” Pearl left via warp pad, but Lion and Steven take a lion warp. Lion was present to hear the war stories at the beginning. 

Pearl was excited by the scabbard, but Lion would only have reason to assume she’d return there and agree to follow her with Steven if a) he actually cares about her and b) he knows something about her we don’t. Another Lion behavior detail that is odd if just Lion, makes perfect sense if Rose. 

Rose’s Scabbard Part 2

[angcliics]

(    cherry  chapstick  coated  lips  inhaling  from  a  dab  pen  ,  oversized  flannels  hanging  off  of  bare  shoulders  ,  an  easy  laugh  over  a  constant  hum  of  music    )     *    ╱    hey  ,  was  that    andrea “andi” cahill    i  just  saw    ?    yeah  ,  i  heard  they’re  a    twenty - two    year  old  and  studying     political  science    and  that  they  live  in    hermes   . you  might  be  able  to  recognise  them  by  their   cartier  love  necklace   ,  but  people  around  campus  describe  them  as    generous    but  also    impatient    ,  which  i  guess  makes  sense  since  their  mbti  test  showed  up  as    infj   .  their  reputation  would  be  completely  ruined  if  people  found  out  that    she’s  struggled  with  drug  addiction    ,  but  let’s  keep  that  between  you  and  me  …  for  now  .   +  zendaya  ,  cisfemale  ,  she/her  ,  junior  .  

hi, hello, ur trash ari checking in with my trash baby, andi. let’s get right into the viDeO !!

i tend to ramble so i’m gonna try to keep it short...ish.. and sweet...ish. hehe 

the WINDHAM-CAHILL family

andi was born to a bit of a tumultuous household. her mother is a renowned actress from the windham family-- think a dash of kennedy and a hint of the roberts, with old money going back generations on the east coast and a few well-known hollywood elites with accolades out west. 

her mother had developed a bit of a substance abuse problem, and was inconsistently present in her daugher’s life, always choosing to travel or hand andi off to the nanny or her father instead. when she was around, she was often interested in material things and shallow aspects of her daughter’s life– her clothes, her looks, her popularity– and was hardly satisfied with andi, always reminding her of where she came from and what she needed to be. 

her father, a wealthy self-made financier, is kind and well meaning, but unequipped to handle his wife’s issues oftentimes. the pair got into shouting matches and fights over her substance abuse issues and  and frequent absences often enough. regardless, andi is very devoted to her father, fiercely defensive of him in any family argument, and close with him, seeing him as a rock amidst the instability of her mother. 

she’s the eldest of three, with two younger brothers. she’s very protective of them as well, but as the only daughter, andi usually took the brunt of her mother’s nitpicking, perfectionistic projections and arguments. although easygoing, when continually faced with conflict, andi would at times fight back with her mother. part of her despises her mother, part of her still desperately wants to be good enough to finally get that mark of approval and hear “i’m proud of you.”

on the surface of course everything looked lovely: the beautiful, shining oscar-winning elizabeth windham, the american dream success story andrew cahill, and three children with talent and poise. andrew himself attended bellecotte for undergrad, and andi is proud to follow in his footsteps, although her father was a member of the house of zeus. 

personal HISTORY

feeling the pressure from her mother and the increased attention due to her family name and fame, andi always felt like she was the kind of student that had to “do it all” in high school. so she tried. she took the AP classes, sat on student council, went to football games and every party and was even prom queen. 

she has ADHD, so using adderall was first nature to her and doesn’t affect her the way it affects others, but after long days of going, going, going and feeling stress and pressure and having to do it all on all sides, she started using xanax and smoking weed often to chill out and deal with it all, and on the weekends you could find her drinking straight liquor straight-faced in between puffs off her pipe at house parties. 

still, she managed to keep it together enough to get into bellecotte, where she’s kept up much the same-- her struggles with xanax and other benzos in particular ebbing and flowing with how stressed and anxious and burnt out she is, and whatever she’s going through. she doesn’t hide her frequent marijuana use really-- always taking hits off of her dab pen, she’s quite a functional high after so many years.

studying political science because it interests her, and because she knows she’s ultimately lucky enough to have opportunities presented to her because of her parents’ careers, and wants to learn how to create and advocate for a more equitable system for those less fortunate. her father, as he’s self made, often took her back to his hometown and showed her how he grew up, so she knows it doesn’t all just come for free. unsure what exactly she wants to do post grad, whether that’s politics, film, writing, business-- but she’s interested in a lot of things. 

PERSONALITY

the GOOD: creative, determined, altruistic, passionate, insightful, protective 

the BAD: reticent, moody/sensitive at heart, prone to burn-out, possessive

has a tendency to hold grudges when hurt, desperately wants to be enough for someone to stay, really wants to be needed and loved for who she is instead of what she does or her name or anything else. 

an introvert that’s very good at extroverting, although it can exhaust her and by the end of the party she’s always found somewhere quiet to smoke and sneak off to. 

is the kind to be casually smoking a joint and then make a point about how the misconceptions of the aztec empire upon the arrival of white settlers were overblown and eventually grew into contributing to the general ethnocentric/westernized perspective of native american peoples being savages and uncivilized, right? god. and then laugh and go back to watching whatever’s on tv

a Flirt. u know it now. has always had lots of Boy things happening and tends to get herself into lots of messy shit in that arena. hookups, exes, boyfriends, fwbs, etc– handles it and talks about it with self depricating humor. part of it goes back to that kind of low self value she has deep down since she’s afraid she’s not enough for who she is, just good for the relationships she has and what she can give other people and such. 

tends to keep her sensitivity/insecurities to herself. copes with them by forcing herself to extrovert  harder and going out more and keeping herself busy. like i mentioned, she’s struggled with substance abuse to some extent since high school– drinking, smoking, dipping into some prescription pills to help with her grades, or her anxiety, or any number of things. you might suspect it if you’re very observant, but probably not- it’s usually hidden by a shimmering smile, the glint of a cartier love necklace, and a tight outfit with a warm “CHEEERS.” 

this is one thing she’ll get defensive about and deflect from, btw. she doesn’t want to acknowledge it because acknowledging it means she has another problem to deal with and it feels like she’s been dealing with this shit forever.

sarcastic, but not mean unless she’s comfortable with someone, in which case it’s a teasing-kind of sarcasm-mean. laid back– just as comfortable wandering around target for two hours, kind of high, as she is at a night club with a crowd of friends and expensive bottle service. definitely more adventurous when she’s a little drunk or high. very typical to find her on the roof watching the sunset and smoking a joint while writing or listening to music or just being there with someone. 

can be self-sacrificing, self-deprecating, will martyr herself, burn herself out, and become possessive and demanding at times in stress. she’s an enneagram type 2 if that helps u understand hehe. 

wanted CONNECTIONS

i have a tag, but generically, i’d love and am always down for ride or die, best friends, skinny love??, longtime friends, childhood friends, housemates, sibling like relationship, exes, ex one night stand/fwb, current fwb, enemies-ish, crushes (unrequited either way or mutual), maybe a roommate??, neighbors??  all of it ok *sharpay vc* i want it all !!

and this got long ofc even though i tried JESUS i hate me ok anyways hmu here or on discord for plots?? i love u all?? i’m so sorry??