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revisionaryhistory · 4 years

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Three Days ~ 66

~*~Emma~*~

I had taken quite a bit of shit when we were warming up. Good natured teasing. There was no more telling them not to refer to him as my boyfriend, no more asking them to not embarrass me, and definitely no more concerns if he liked me. Those were never real anyway.

I was a little surprised by how much I enjoyed him with these friends, especially Mallory. These may not be my best friends, but they are my everyday friends. Mal is by far my best friend here. I can call Angie and Eli anytime, but Mal is just here. It's been fun to see these friends interact with Sebastian. Until Toni talked about him like he wasn't there.

That's the difference between my best friends and my everyday friends. My best friends don't go starry eyed and look at him like he's larger than life. Mallory didn't as much. She was the only one who knew who he was. She’d had time to make him real and not just a movie star. Oh shit, I screwed this up.

When we got in the car Mallory put her hand on my arm, "I love him. He’s down to earth, funny, and over the moon in love with you. He can't keep his hands off you. I love him."

I was feeling like a giddy teenager, "He's pretty fantastic."

After Mallory and Sebastian told me about the "work" questions, I felt worse about how I'd handled this. I'd apologize later and figure out how to do better. Her ideas on fan behavior had been interesting. It was a different perspective from either of ours. I was watching his face while she talked. I could tell when he agreed, disagreed, and when something made him think. Watching his eyes focus on the road while his eyebrows and mouth showed how he was processing. Doing that thing with his tongue. This conversation should not be turning me on. Fuck that. Everything about him, having to do with him, turns me on. I like that too much to fight it.

Sebastian jumped out of the CRV when we got to Mallory’s. I could read his lips, “Thank you for everything.” Mallory’s eyes were wide with surprise when he hugged her.

At my place, I stopped outside my front door, took off my shoes, and dumped out the sand. "I thought that was going on."

Sebastian laughed, "That's why you wear sandals on a beach."

That reminded me, "Do you talk to Will? Any decision on the group getaway?"

He was toeing off his shoes, "Nope. Do you want to see if Angie and Eli want to go?"

"No." I held onto his arm, stretching up to kiss him. "This is us going away with your friends. I want it to just be us."

He put his arms around me, "Angie and Eli are us too."

This man. I laid a hand on his chest, "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled and kissed me.

"I appreciate you including them, but I want to be with you and just your friends. We're always with my friends, even when we were with your friends. I don't want to introduce new people into your friends and change the dynamic."

"You're incredible." I scrunched up my face and shook my head. Sebastian wasn't having any of it. He put his hands on my face, "You are. Incredible. Every hour since I told you I love you something happens and I realize I love you more than I did an hour ago. We're discussing a vacation and you want it to be just my friends so I'm comfortable and I want to invite your friends so you'll be comfortable. This is the best disagreement ever."

Instead of letting me respond, he kissed my words away. The warmth of his mouth and the softness of his tongue against mine wiped away everything else. We held each other and kept the kiss soft and slow. I wanted to stay like this. Right now felt quiet and innocent. There was just us. These moments are precious. The kiss ended with us hold on a little tighter. I felt like he was with me realizing the moment was ours and wanting to stay in it.

Several minutes later we had lessened our hold on each other and eased apart. I kissed his pink lips, "I need to shower."

Sebastian's thumb moved over my cheek, "You look tired. Want anything from down here?"

"There's some juice in the fridge. That would be great. Thanks." I kissed him again and head upstairs.

In the shower, I felt my energy going down the drain with the sand and sweat. I put on the cami and shorts I’d brought in with me and walked back into my bedroom.

The only light was from the bedside table. Sebastian was covered to his waist by the sheets and was reading something on his phone. He looked over with a smile and laid his phone on the bed, "Feel better?"

"Cleaner." I climbed under the covers he held up, sliding my hand from the band of his boxer briefs to the center of his chest.

"I don't think I handled you meeting my friends well. I feel bad and I'm sorry you were uncomfortable." His eyebrows were weighted down with questions. I kept talking, "Mal is the only one who didn't gawk at you. She’s also the only one who knew who you were. I mean they all knew I had a boyfriend named Sebastian and assorted good things, but I hadn't shown them pictures, told them what you do, or your last name. Mal knew, so she wasn't surprised. I think I should have prepared them so they weren't all "oh fuck Sebastian Stan”. Would have been better."

Sebastian shrugged and made a face, "Maybe, maybe not. Might have given them time to get worked up. Not that your friends are fans, but the reaction of fans who've paid money to meet me varies from struck mute to panic attack. They were fine." He kissed me, "Curious why you didn't tell them. Am I your dirty little secret?"

I laughed, "Not hardly. The important people knew before you were back in the city the first weekend. The ones who would think nothing of who you are outside of a guy with an interesting job. Telling work friends is complicated. I didn't know how to tell who you were without it being awkward, so I let it happen organically, which made it awkward for you. I think after talking about you a few times, where they knew about you, I should have shown them you. Introduced you as this great guy, then added a picture. That’s what happened with Mal. She knew a lot about you so when she saw the picture it was putting a face with the person she already knew. Plus she had time to ask me about us. I was protecting us, me, from questions and gossip. Had the kids found out they would have been all over me and posting things online. We were new and I wanted to keep it private. Then it was too late." Sebastian was smiling. "What?"

"I get it. If I figure out how to do it right, I'll let you know. Until then we'll muddle through." He stroked the back of my head and kissed me.

I rambled on, "I feel like there's a public and private me. Work friends are public. I don’t hide Ed, I just don’t advertise. It’s private. I may get a question if I’ve posted something, but mostly the novelty has worn off. The kids don’t know. You’re like Ed, you're private. Had I just kept using Vedder as my last name there wouldn’t be this divide."

"You used Vedder?"

I nodded, " It made sense in Seattle and since he was doing all the college stuff with me. When we moved to New York, Jimmy asked me to use Marcum. We were going to a lot of law firm functions and he wanted to build his own name. I was young and an idiot. "

"Did you legally change it?"

More nodding, "Marcum-Vedder. Hyphenated." I cocked my head, "Is Stan your real name?"

His turn to nod.

I growled, "Not like I feel particularly connected to my biological family right now. Tomorrow my room will be crowded with teachers coming to say hello. If I'd left it Vedder..."

Suddenly I was on my back, Sebastian's weight holding me down, and his mouth covering mine. He tasted like clarity and calm. I didn't know I needed either. He moved away slowly, "I think you might be too tired."

"I ramble when I’m tired."

"I noticed." He kissed me before his lips could fully turn into a smirk. Rolling back and taking me with him, Sebastian held my head to his chest. "I want you to close your eyes."

I watched him pick up his phone, "What are you doing?"

"I told you to close your eyes"

I did and he kissed my forehead.

"So Winnie-the-Pooh went round to his friend Christopher Robin, who lived behind a green door in another part of the forest.

“Good morning, Christopher Robin,” he said.

“Good morning, Winnie-ther-Pooh,” said you.

“I wonder if you’ve got such a thing as a balloon about you?”

I didn't open my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you," was whispered against my forehead. Then he went back to reading.

I woke up in the morning to find our positions reversed. Sebastian's arm and leg were thrown over me and his head was on my chest. His face was turned down where all I saw was hair. I couldn't resist. At first, I barely touched the strands. With each stroke my fingers went deeper until I reached his scalp. His hair was thick, soft but a little coarse with his waves. I loved the way tendrils wrap around and let go of my fingers.

Eventually, there was a sound telling me someone else was enjoying my play. Sebastian let out a contented moan, "All day. You have all day to stop doing what you're doing."

"This should be a secret sign. We can be anywhere and I can run my fingers through your hair. No one but you and I would know what it means."

Sebastian looked up with his sleepy eyes and soft smile. "What does it mean?"

I hadn't gotten that far. I crinkled my nose. There were lots of things it could mean. "I think... When I run my fingers here it's a reminder of the first morning we woke up together and I said, "Îmi place să mă trezesc lângă tine. Te ador. Mă faci fericit Sebasti-an." < I love waking up beside you. I adore you. You make me happy.>

"Those are a lot of words."

I put my fingers under his chin to tilt his face up to me. I kissed him very softly with just the briefest touch of tongue. "You don’t have to remember all the words. You just have to feel them.” My fingers trailed through his hair and along his scalp with each sentence. "Îmi place să mă trezesc lângă tine. Te ador. Mă faci fericit, Sebasti-an. Te iubesc." One more stroke as I kissed him, "Think you can remember this feeling."

"Tu ești cel pe care l-am așteptat. Te iubesc ca un nebun." His hand moved up my side, fingers barely trailing over the side of my breast. The contact was as soft as his voice. "You’re the one I’ve been waiting for. I love you like crazy." He licked his lips before pressing them to mine. "Now you have a memory too."

Quite some time later we rolled out of bed and into the shower. I came downstairs, the smell hitting me first, to see Sebastian making breakfast. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, "I thought you said you couldn't cook."

He slid the contents of the pan onto a plate, "Omelets are about it. Scramble some eggs and throw in whatever’s in the fridge." He turned his head and kissed me. "Much more selection in yours than mine."

"You can buy more food."

"Na, just throw it away a month later."

"A month?"

He looked like a naughty child when he shrugged, "It's not pretty."

I took the plates to the other side of the counter, "Dine out at your place. Cooking at mine. Mostly."

He slid onto the stool next to me, "I'll be your sous chef."

I took a bite, "Very fluffy. Good. You can make breakfast."

Sebastian put his arm around my shoulder, pulled me close enough to kiss, and stopped an inch before. "I'll make love to you and bring you breakfast in bed."

I closed the distance by half, "You'll ruin me for other men." I hoped the tone of my voice conveyed I was teasing

"All part of my plan."

We parked in the back lot of the school close to my new room and walked across the lawn to the door close to my current room. I stood in the middle of the room with my hands on my hips looking around. There was so much to pack up. Most things in the cabinets were already in tote boxes and bins. I'd brought in several big plastic bins to load up with anything else and the contents of bookshelves, desk caddies, and the seeming one hundred little areas I had stuff in. Not to mention taking everything off the walls, hanging from the ceiling, area rugs, pillows, and my reading chair.

I looked over my shoulder at Sebastian, "I'm overwhelmed. Don’t even know where to start." Yesterday I didn’t have a deadline. Today I did.

Sebastian smiled and looked around, "When I got here you were taking down the word wall. What about the other walls?"

"Umm, the posters and educational things go to the other room. All the decorations go in the trash. All the name tags and number lines and stuff on the desks are trash too. I'm going to do a new theme. Not sure what."

"Ok. You go back to the words. I'll start ripping down everything that’s trash. We'll go from there." I nodded. "Where's the speaker?" I pointed. "I'll get music going."

Direction helped. I would have gotten there, but after spinning in circles, literally, several times. “I stall out when there’s too much.”

He snickered, “I got your back.”

We got to work. Taking my room apart was faster and much more fun with Sebastian’s help. A kiss here. A hug there. A quick dance around the room. Lot’s of incredibly off-key singing. By the time I started getting hungry the walls were cleared, desks cleaned off, and we had piles in different areas of the room. There were several places that delivered and I tried to think which would have food that Sebastian was supposed to be eating. Boring food and lots of gym time. He hasn’t really had much time to do either. I pulled up a delivery menu on my desktop, “Hey, Bastian, I’m hungry. Come see what you want.”

He came over, sitting on my lap to scroll through the choices. I wrapped my arms around his stomach, linking my hands and laying my cheek against his back. He laid his non-scrolling hand over mine, “Everything looks good.”

“Want to hit the gym once we’re done here?”

I felt him react. He slid off my lap, kneeling on the floor between my legs, with his hands on my hips. “Healthy lunch. Gym. Are you taking care of me?”

I draped my arms over his shoulders, “Guilty.”

As he kissed me I folded my arms around his neck. “I appreciate that, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Another kiss before I grabbed my phone to call Mallory’s room, “Hey, we’re ordering from Bliss. Want?”

Five minutes later I placed the online order for Dawn, Mallory, Nia, and us. Sebastian had laid down on the floor while I arranged lunch. I looked down at him, “No idea when that floor was mopped.”

“Help me up.” He held his hands toward me.

Mallory called when lunch was delivered and we headed over to her. It would be our last lunch in Mallory's room. Yes, we'd be eating in the same place next year, but it would be my room. Dawn was pulling food out, setting it around the table, and Nia had the drinks in the center.

The talking started as soon as we all sat down. Dawn had drifted into the world of online dating and was meeting a new guy on Saturday for coffee. Nia had a long-distance relationship and Mallory had broken up with her long-term boyfriend almost a year ago. She still wanted nothing more than casual dates.

Sebastian smirked, "Just live your life and when you least expect it you'll meet someone."

"Exactly." Mallory stopped to take a drink. "Until then I will try to figure out what I want."

Dawn leaned in Sebastian’s direction, "You're a man."

I saw Sebastian cringe dramatically and his voice as skeptical. "Yes. I checked last time I went to the bathroom."

Dawn laughed, "What do men want?"

Sebastian sat back laughing, "I am a horrible person to ask this." He pulled out his phone and typed a message. I’m guessing to his friends’ chat. “Will’s going to love this.” He took a deep breath. "For it not to be so hard to figure out what women want."

All of us laughed.

"I did this radio interview and asked the female host what women wanted. In a split second she said safety."

The three women didn't have to think before they agreed.

He continued, "Ok, but what does that mean? Am I killing spiders? Putting up security cameras? Walking on the side of the road with the moving vehicles?" He held his hand out toward Dawn, palm up. "You're a strong independent woman and don’t need me riding in on a white horse. You don't need saving."

Mallory shook her head, "There's a difference between feeling safe and being saved by a knight in shining armor."

"Exactly. We, men, need help knowing where that line is. How do we make you feel safe without rescuing you? Women don't need rescuing anymore."

"True." Nia nodded her agreement.

They were thinking. I was smiling, "Feeling safe isn't grand gestures. It's not being rescued, but knowing someone is there to rescue if you need it. Having that support." Like when Sebastian put his hand on my back when Drew was coming at me.

Mallory added, "For me, it is things like walking on the side with the cars. Also, more emotional safety than physical. Maybe not more, but as much. And that’s a million little things"

"And differs for everyone." Nia pointed to herself then around to all of us. "What makes you feel unsafe, may not bother me.”

Sebastian picked up again, "You gotta help a guy out. Plus, don't instantly assume we're chauvinists if we go too far with being protective. Protective equals keeping you safe. It’s trial and error with what’s too much and what’s not enough."

"Back to the original question." Dawn leaned in again. "What do men want?"

"Besides blow jobs?" From Mallory.

He said jokingly, "Good blow jobs."

I poked him in the side, shaking my head, "That's a universal truth." He leaned closer and kissed me with a smile. Bastard.

"We want to feel needed. Realistically women don't need men anymore. You can support yourself, defend yourself, get off without us, and even have kids without us."

Dawn shook her head, "That's a cop out. Everyone wants to feel needed."

He shot back, "Everyone wants to feel safe."

He was right.

Mallory moved her hand as if she was pointing to each part as she spoke. "So the traditional male role of provider made men feel needed and women feel safe. Now that women can take care of themselves men don't feel needed and they don't know how to make us feel safe."

"Kinda sucks to be us." Sebastian shrugged, "Thanks for attending my TED talk on sexual politics." He shook his head in disbelief, "Worst person in the world to be talking."

"Why do you say that?"

I watched him turn his head to meet Mallory's eyes, "I was born in a communist country where contraception and abortion were illegal so women were forced to be mothers to children they didn't want or knew they couldn't feed. Women's rights were nonexistent."

"I think that gives you a unique perspective. Two very different worlds."

I nodded, "Very."

“Not going to lie, I left before I could fully be indoctrinated to that way of thinking, but there are times I have to stop myself and remember I know better.” He looked down at his phone, "I posed your question to my friends. I've got being needed, having a purpose, communication, blow jobs, and ask Emma she's figured out what you need."

Everyone looked at me. I looked at him. "I wouldn't say I figured out what you need as much as I paid attention when you told me."

He had that adorable confused look he gets. "What do I need?"

"Are you sure you wanna know?"

Mallory, Nia, and Dawn all said, "Uh oh."

Mallory explained, "That’s what she says when you're not going to like her answer."

They were right. I did check, but this was a little different. "No, he'll be ok with the answer." I looked at him, "Are you ok with me answering?" I raised my eyebrows hoping he'd understand.

At first, he stayed looking confused. I saw when figured it out, "You tell me. I trust you."

I nodded, "They're fine." With my peripheral vision I saw my friends looking at each other. I looked at them, "The question was if he trusted the answer wouldn't show up on the internet later."

Mallory raised her eyebrows and nodded. Dawn opened her mouth. Nia rolled her eyes, "Oh, yeah, no, we're not the gossipy ones. That's Cindy."

Mallory added, "And the Barbie Bitches. We know both her last names."

I laughed because that was a good marker. Very few people knew more than the basic Eddie as a family friend story.

Sebastian picked up my hand and kissed it, "Are you going to tell me I don't need to feel needed?"

I screwed up my face and bobbed my head back and forth. "It's not first. You need acceptance. If feeling needed was your primary you'd feel like a failure too much."

"How so?"

I started collecting empty food containers and garbage to take the intensity away from the conversation. “It’s hard to feel needed when you’re away working so much. Time zones and I doubt you can stop in the middle of a fight scene with Iron Man to answer your phone. Acceptance makes it ok to not be readily available and lets you feel needed. Even if it’s later.” I stood up, running my fingers through his hair as I walked to the garbage can, “And acceptance in general.”

I heard Dawn’s voice behind me, “Again, doesn’t everyone need acceptance?”

Nia and I said, “No.”

Everyone laughed. I returned to my seat, leaving my hand on the back of Sebastian’s neck. “Some people thrive off not being accepted. Or use their unacceptable behavior as a test for being accepted.”

“Those people are the worst.” Nia shuddered and stood up. “I’ve got to get back to work. So much left to pack up.”

Everyone else stood up, agreeing with her. Dawn stopped at looked at Sebastian, “Is she right? What you need?”

He smiled, “Yes.”

**********

Happy Holidays! It's been a difficult year for a lot people and I hope wherever you are and whoever you're with is bringing you some joy and peace. Every comment and like has been appreciated and been a bright spot in a tumultuous year. I hope I've given you some distraction, some happy good feelings, and made your room heat up a little. Thanks to you all, Lisa

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #fanfiction #sebastian stan X ofc #marvel actor fanfiction

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tiny-opal-essence · 5 years

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Pocket Paladin Chpt 6

Ground Rules

“…And that’s all we know so far.” Lance finished explaining from his position standing on the console.

“This is indeed troubling,” Kolivan said on the screen. “I have not heard of any similar spells being used, but I will send word to our spies within the empire in case they come across anything.”

“Is there anything you could tell us about Lotor’s magic? Are there any differences due to him being only half druid?” Allura inquired.

“His spells tend to be more volatile. He seems to be the only one who can fully reverse them without there being any side effects.”

“Side effects like what?” Shiro asked from right behind Lance.

“You should hope to never find out.”

Lance could tell even without looking back to his right that Hunk was feeling sick to his stomach at the thought.

“You said he ‘seems to be’ the only one who can reverse his spells.” Pidge pointed out.

“We do theorize that someone with as strong if not stronger magic would be able to reverse them, but they would need absolute control of the quintessence involved. It fluctuates greatly in Lotor’s spells. Channeling the wrong amount at the wrong time would have dire consequences.”

“So, that means that Allura can fix me!” Lance exclaimed.

“In theory. I’m still working on control in general, let alone when what I’m working with fluctuates.” Allura stated from the left.

“But you can do it, right?” Hunk asked hopefully.

“Given enough time to prepare, yes.”

“Is there any news you have for us, Kolivan?” Keith asked.

“Not at this moment,” Kolivan answered before there was a commotion on his side of the screen. Suddenly, Slav appeared. Shiro grit his teeth and clenched his prosthetic fist.

“Ahh, Kolivan. I am so glad I found you. There were 11 realities in which you had suddenly collapsed and in 3 of those you never recovered!”

“Slav. As you can see, I am fine. I am also in the middle of a private conference with the Voltron Paladins.” Kolivan gestured to the screen while Slav’s gaze followed.

“Oh no! This means we are in one of the 9,536,965,579 realities where this happens to Lance! And he’s already dead in 16 of them!”

Dead?!

Shiro slammed the console with his prosthetic fist while gesturing with the other hand. “Look.” Anger dripped from his voice. “None of this is helping. We don’t need to know what happens to Lance in any other realities. So go count the cracks in the ceiling or whatever it takes to know what’s happening in this reality.”

“…Now it’s 36 realities.”

Team Voltron wondered how the number could have changed so drastically in the span of just a few seconds. They all looked down and let out a gasp when they saw that Lance was standing less than an inch away from where Shiro had blindly slammed the console. Lance could see his terrified expression reflected in the metal before Shiro quickly moved his prosthetic away.

“Oh my God!” Shiro backed away from the console.

Everyone realized in that moment what must have happened in the alternate realities.

Lance felt frozen. He could hear his heart beating faster while his breathing grew shakier. It took all of his strength to stay standing on his trembling legs.

“Lance! Are you alright?” Coran asked as Lance’s legs finally gave out under him, answering the question.

Lance let himself collapse. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Almost dying does that to a person, I guess. Ha ha. Especially when it isn’t the first time.

He heard Kolivan say something before the video feed was cut off. The stares from the rest of the team weren’t helping him calm down. He realized that none of them were approaching him, and for that he was thankful. He already felt overwhelmed enough.

The space mice ran over from their end of the console to Lance and grabbed him in a group hug, hiding him from the others while he pulled himself together. This time, no one commented on how cute they looked. Lance was able to brush away tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his face. He hoped he was small enough that the others didn’t notice.

“Thank you.” He whispered so only the space mice heard him. Keith also heard him, but Lance wasn’t aware of that.

“Lance, I…” Shiro was staring at his prosthetic in horror before he looked over to Lance. “I-I’m so sorry. I forgot you were there.”

'Look at how easily overlooked you are now.’

Not the time.

If not now, when? It’s only a matter of time until they realize how useless you are, especially like this.’

“It’s okay,” Lance said timidly as the space mice ended the hug and stood two on each side of him.

“No, it’s not,” Shiro said decisively. “I almost…This just proves what Kolivan said. We need to establish some ground rules given your current situation.”

“I can type them up, just need to plug in my laptop before it dies.” Pidge started looking for an outlet.

“Good idea,” Allura commented.

“Who wants to go first?” Pidge sat down with her hands hovering over her laptop’s keyboard.

“I will.” Keith volunteered. “Someone should be with Lance at all times.”

“Come on. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“It would help us avoid any potential accidents if we have someone keeping a constant eye on you.” Pidge pointed out as she typed up the first rule.

“It would probably be a good idea if Lance doesn’t walk around on the floor. I don’t even want to think about what could happen.” Shiro recommended.

No one noticed Lance and Keith wince as they recalled what had almost happened earlier that morning.

“Going off of that, you shouldn’t try to get around too much on your own,” Pidge spoke as she typed. “Ask for help when you need it.”

But I want to prove I can do this.

‘And just how do you plan to do that? You can’t even pilot your lion.’

“We need to ensure that only our closest and most trusted allies know about this,” Coran stated. “If word gets out, Lance would become a target for more than just the Galra. I’ve seen some horrible things for sale on swap moons. If he wound up in one of them, there’s very little chance we would see him again.”

Lance *gulped* in fear.

“Lance should stay on the castleship while we’re on missions.” Allura asserted. “That will help keep him off their radar.”

“Wait, I don’t get to go on missions?”

“It’s too great a risk with your current circumstances.”

“But I want to help!”

“You can still help me and the space mice,” Coran suggested.

“But…”

“No buts!” Shiro gestured with his hand, causing Lance to flinch. His heart sank seeing the expression on Lance’s face. “I’m sorry, but as Allura said, it’s too great a risk.”

“What if Lance only came on low-risk missions, like if we’re just going to go talk with a planet that isn’t part of the Galra empire?” Hunk proposed.

“Or if we’re just doing recon or getting supplies,” Keith added. “If he stays out of sight, it should be fine.”

“There is still an amount of risk then. What do you think, Allura?” Shiro asked.

“As long as he stays out of sight and keeps his comms online at all times, I think it would be ok. Just for low-risk missions.”

Yes! Thank you Hunk and Keith!

“I’ll just put no risky missions on the list.” Pidge typed in the next entry.

“Or unnecessary risks in general!” Hunk added on.

“When have I ever taken unnecessary risks?”

“Lance. We’ve been friends since kindergarten. I know you. You always take unnecessary risks.”

“Well, they were necessary in my opinion.”

“Ok, so far we have someone has to be with Lance at all times, Lance can’t be on the ground, Lance can’t get around on his own, only our closest allies can know about this, no risky missions, and no unnecessary risks in general.” Pidge read the list out loud.

Wow. That makes it sound like I can’t do anything.

‘But isn’t that the truth?’

“Any other suggestions? Lance?” Coran asked.

He thought for a moment.

“Just…Don’t grab me. It’s kind of terrifying. If you have to suddenly hide me from someone, then it’s ok, but only then.”

“Ok. No grabbing.” Pidge added. “Anyone else?”

Everyone was silent.

“This is a good start. If anyone comes up with any other suggestions, let me know and I’ll add them.”

“If someone has to always be with Lance, where is he going to sleep?” Hunk asked.

“Can’t I just sleep in my room as usual?

“But what if you need something in the middle of the night? The doors probably won’t open for you and we just established that you aren’t supposed to walk around on the floor. If you were out in the hallway in the middle of the night and someone else was awake too, they might not think to look down!” Hunk exclaimed.

“That’s a good point, Hunk,” Allura commented. “Who should he room with?”

“I’ll just room with Hunk, like at the Garrison.”

“That would be nice, but I snore. You know how loud my alarm had to be for me to wake up. What if you were in trouble and I didn’t hear it?”

“Okay, so Lance can’t room with Hunk. And we’re not going to do any co-ed, so that rules out Pidge and Allura.” Shiro thought out loud.

“I’m up at different vargas to make sure the castle stays ship shape, so that would wake you up, Lance,” Coran commented.

“What about you, Shiro?” Allura asked.

“We just learned this morning that I have night terrors. That would also disturb Lance’s sleep, so that leaves Keith.”

“Really? This guy?” Lance gestured with his thumb towards Keith.

“That actually would work,” Pidge stated. “Keith does have heightened hearing due to his ears, so if Lance needed something, he could be heard easier.”

“Makes sense.” Keith agreed with a shrug.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” Lance exclaimed.

“Lance, this is the best option.” Allura declared.

“We just want to make sure you’re safe.” Hunk said.

“I know,” Lance responded with a sigh. “I guess it’s not the end of the world if I have to room with mullet.”

“Do you have to use that nickname?”

“Yep.”

“What now?” Pidge asked.

“I had a training session planned, but we can move that to tomorrow due to recent developments,” Allura responded.

“Free day, woohoo!” Lance pumped his fist in the air.

“I’m going to see if there’s anything more I can find in the library,” Coran stated.

“I’ll help you look,” Allura said.

“I’m going to go finish up in the kitchen.” Hunk started to turn towards the door.

“Can I help?” Lance asked.

“I wouldn’t say no to the company.” Hunk put his hand palm up next to Lance.

“I’ve got a few projects on the workbench I want to get done. Let me know when the food’s ready.”

“Will do, Pidge. The comms are back online now, right Coran?”

“Right-o, number 2. I’ll see about upgrading the castle-wide comms later tonight.”

“I might go do some training today, just to see where I’m at,” Shiro said.

“I’ll go with you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. You’re still recovering.”

“Keith being the one to stop someone from pushing themselves too far? Now I’ve seen everything.” Lance commented from Hunk’s hands with a smile.

That got a chuckle from the rest of the team before they went their separate ways

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Yes! We’re in!” Ezor exclaimed upon seeing that the virus had been successfully uploaded to the castle ship.

“Well done, Narti.” Axha praised.

Kova *purred* and rubbed his face against Narti’s. She reached up and scratched behind his ears.

“Let’s go grab him now.” Zethrid’s eagerness shown in her words.

“Not yet,” Lotor said.

“Why not? Isn’t this what we’ve been waiting for?” Zethrid asked.

“Yes, but right now his team will be hovering around him. Eventually, they will let their guard down. That is when we strike.” Lotor recommended.

“More waiting? Uggh.” Ezor complained.

“Now that we have eyes and ears on their ship, we will be ready when the moment comes,” Axha stated.

Natri typed on her keyboard and brought a document on the screen for everyone to see.

“Well, would you look at that. They provided us with a list of rules they’re going to follow. And they were so kind as to include where he’s going to be sleeping.” Lotor said with a cruel smile.

“And it looks like he’s going to be going on some missions with them still.” Ezor pointed out.

“We’ll give them a reason to change their minds on that,” Zethrid stated.

“Let’s give them a false sense of security first. That way, the inevitable change to the rules cuts that much deeper.” Lotor recommended.

Narti brought up some of the camera feeds from the Castle Ship and they began to study their opponents in their own home.

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“How much longer is this going to take?” Lance asked from his position laying on the counter with his right arm over his face in dramatic fashion.

“The beans just have to simmer for a few more minutes.” Hunk checked the water level to make sure the beans were still covered.

“Didn’t you already do that? You soak them overnight, then you boil them and let them stand for a few minutes, strain them, and then do the same thing, but for an hour? Doesn’t that seem redundant?”

“This part is different. The beans have to simmer for a while so they can soften.”

“Then why even do the first boil and let rest? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go right to simmering?”

“It’s just the way it works. I have a feeling you have something else on your mind besides the beans.”

“Yeah…This whole me being shrunk thing is…a lot to get used to.”

“Well, hopefully, you won’t have to get too used to it. Allura’s going to find a way to undo this.”

“Yeah, but we don’t know how long that will take. How am I supposed to fly one of the lions like this?”

“Well…I think the answer is that Allura’s going to be subbing for you for a bit longer.” Hunk said apologetically.

“I know. It’s just…I was looking forward to being in Blue again. Nothing against Red, she’s also pretty great, but Blue is my girl. It’s kind of sinking in that I’m not a paladin anymore.”

“No one is saying you aren’t a paladin anymore. You’re just as much a paladin now as you were before. Shiro didn’t stop being a paladin when the Galra captured him, right?”

“Yeah.”

But he’s Shiro. He’s always been amazing, even before he became the black paladin. If he wasn’t a paladin anymore, no one would think less of him.

‘I wonder what they think of you, now that you’re like this.’

“Exactly. Here.” Hunk took a spoonful of the beans and handed one to Lance between his fingers. “Squeeze this and see if they’re done.”

Lance grabbed the bean with both hands and started pressing them together. After a little resistance, the bean smushed. He looked up and saw that Hunk was doing the same test. The bean gave no resistance between his fingertips.

He squashed that like a grape!

‘I wonder what else he could squish.’

“Looks like they’re ready.”

“You’re not going to have them simmer for another hour, are you?”

“No, they’re done simmering.” Hunk turned up the heat and stirred in the tianal. “Hopefully this will give it the right consistency.”

“So, this becomes sweet because you add a lot of sugar to it?”

“And a pinch of salt, or in this case, rintal.”

“Why do sweet recipes always have a pinch of salt? It just seems to go against the sweetness of the food.”

“There’s actually a good reason for that.” Hunk continued to stir. “The salt boosts the other flavors. It also helps strengthen some of the chemical bonds in the glucose.”

“So it tastes sweeter because you add some salt to it?”

“Exactly. Do you want to add the rintal?”

“Sure.”

“Just grab a handful of it. That should be about the same as a pinch.”

“How do you figure that?” Lance asked as he scooped up the rintal in his hands.

“Platt comes by to help sometimes and you’re pretty close to him in height, so it should be close to the same amount as when he does it.”

Lance was amazed at how large the crystals of rintal seemed in his hands. He could feel how coarse they were as he stepped onto Hunk’s palm. He managed to keep his balance as Hunk lifted him up to the edge of the pot. Hunk placed his other hand at the edge of his palm to act as a safety barrier.

“Really, Hunk? I’m not that clumsy.”

“I know, it’s just that one time Platt almost fell in and I don’t want that to happen to you. Better safe than sorry.”

“Alright, I get it.” Lance dumped the rintal he was holding into the pot.

Hunk brought him back down to the counter, turned off the heat and continued to stir the beans. He then grabbed a metal pan from one of the cupboards and set it on the counter. He grabbed the pot and used the spoon to scoop its contents into the pan.

“Now we have to wait for this to cool.”

“How long is that going to take?”

“Maybe 10-15 dobashes, or around 17 minutes. The batter in the fridge should be done by then.”

“Why does it have to be in there for so long?”

“It helps the ingredients mix together better, that way the batter is smooth.”

“Cool. So what do we do while we wait?”

“We can go see if Pidge needs any help on the workbench. Many hands make light work, right?”

“Yeah.”

Even if said hands are smaller than a bean.

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“Did you have to literally come out of the closet? Again?” Keith asked as he threw a punch at Shiro.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. The closet just happened to be the closest place to hide.” Shiro’s smile gave him away as he dodged.

“This from the guy who said he would be not only the best man, but also the best ‘pan’ in my wedding?”

“The offer still stands.” Shiro aimed at Keith who quickly blocked.

“That’s not going to happen for a while.”

“Well, when it does happen, I want to be there for you and your husband on your big day.”

Shiro couldn’t help recalling what had happened between him and Adam before the Kerberos mission. They had been heading towards marriage themselves, but sometimes things just don’t work out. He had hoped that once he got back from Kerberos they could talk about where they stood, but some purple aliens had thrown a wrench in that plan. He quickly focused back on training.

“I can tell you’re going easy on me, Keith.” Shiro blocked the punch that was thrown his way.

“I’m not.”

Shiro gave him an ‘are you serious’ look.

“Ok, I am. But you’re still recovering. I don’t want you to have to go in the healing pod again.”

“I know my limits. I also know you. You have something on your mind.”

“I’m just really glad you’re back.”

“I’m glad to be back, but I know it’s more than that. We’ve known each other for how long?”

“Almost 7 years,” Keith answered.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know…I’m just worried about Lance. I’m not sure how I feel about him rooming with me.”

“We all agreed that him rooming with you makes the most sense.”

“I think he hates me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“He called me an idiot before he passed out on the mission. I cradled him in my arms, he mumbled something and then said ‘you’re idiot’ with a smile on his face. Who even does that?!”

“Well, you’ve called him an idiot before.”

“That’s different.” Keith blocked Shiro’s punch. “He actually is one.”

“Is that what you really think?”

“No. I don’t know. All I know is I can't get him out of my head and every time I look at him, I have these pains in my chest and I just know it's his fault.”

Shiro dodged Keith as he realized what Keith was feeling. He had a crush and didn’t even realize it. Shiro had learned through the years that there were certain times to fully explain something to Keith and other times to be more subtle. This was in the latter category. If Shiro told him what the pains in his chest meant, he would resist the notion and go out of his way to avoid Lance.

“Well, maybe this will be an opportunity for the two of you to build some bridges.”

“Maybe.”

Their train of thought was cut off by Hunk over the comms

“Food’s ready!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, Rachel.”

“Not even close, Hunk,” Pidge said from behind her welding mask.

Lance tried to ignore how intimidating Pidge looked with the sparks flying from the welder.

She looks like a mad scientist, kind of.

“Come on, you have to give me a hint to what your real name is.”

“But this is much more fun!” She lifted up the mask to show the mischievous grin on her face.

“But I only get 5 guesses each day! And I have less than a week to get it right!”

“Really? What are you, Pidge, Rumpelstiltskin?” Lance asked.

“If I was, would that make you Thumbelina?”

“Hey, if anything, I would be Tom Thumb.”

“If I was Rumpelstiltskin, I would have dibs on Hunk and Shay’s first child.”

“I told you, she’s just a rock that I met and admire very much.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Hunk. Anyways, what brings you two here?”

“The filling for the food has to cool for a bit. We were wondering if you needed any help.” Lance asked

“I’ve got pretty much everything handled, but I do have a few questions for you, Lance, if you don’t mind.”

“No problem,” Lance said as he climbed off of Hunk’s hand and onto the workbench.

“Good.”

Okay, I’m not imagining that, right? Her glasses just did the anime light glare thing.

“How tall are you normally?”

“About 5’ 9’’.”

“How much is about? I need to know the exact height.”

“Ok, I’m 5’ 8 ¾”, happy?”

“Peachy. And how much do you weight?”

“Pidge, you can’t just ask someone how much they weight!”

“I’m just trying to see if there’s some sort of pattern with what happened to you.”

“I’m not telling you that!”

Hunk bent down and whispered something in Pidge’s ear.

“That much? Ok.”

Hunk, how could you? I didn’t think you would go behind my back, or I guess over my head.

“Traitor.” Lance glared slightly up at Hunk, but there was no venom in it.

“Sorry, but she’s just trying to help.” He sheepishly responded.

“Now let’s see how you measure up.” Pidge snickered at her own pun as she reached for the ruler on the workbench.

“I thought we already said that I’m 3” tall now.”

“That was a guestimate. I need the exact numbers if I want to be able to help you.” She held up the ruler on its end. “Make sure you stand up straight, or as straight as you can pretend to be.”

“Ha ha, very funny, gremlin.” Land sarcastically responded as he stood in front of the ruler.

“Looks like you’re…3 1/8” tall, making it a 1:22 ratio. That means that your armor was affected the same amount.”

“My armor?��

“Yeah. After we all left the bridge, I went looking for where we put it and your bayard to see if there were any changes in them. Your armor shrunk by the same ratio as you did. Your bayard, however, was still normal size.”

“That makes sense. I dropped it before the spell hit me.”

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?” Hunk questioned. “This means that Keith will have a bayard to use in Red.”

“I guess that’s the silver lining of this scenario,” Pidge responded.

“But that means I don’t have a weapon.”

“You’re not going to need one. We’ll be here to protect you and make sure nothing happens to you.” Hunk assured.

“Let’s see how your weight was affected.” Pidge pulled what looked like a postal scale from the back of the workbench and zeroed the weight on it. She put her hand down in front of Lance. She lifted him up and he stepped off onto the scale. It beeped a few times before settling on what he weighed.

“Interesting,” Pidge commented.

“What’s interesting?” Lance asked worriedly.

“Your weight is more than what it should be given the square-cube law. It should be 1/484 your normal weight, but it’s more than that. This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well it was magic that did this to me, so I think ‘making sense’ went out the window.”

“But you should weigh so little that a slight breeze would blow you away.”

“I think we can all be glad that isn’t the case.” Hunk said.

“It just bugs me how this is making no logical sense. If it was logical I could build something to help.”

“If anyone can build a growth ray, it’s you Pidge. You’re like the smartest person in the universe.” Lance encouraged.

“And what am I, chopped liver?” Hunk said with a joking tone.

“Alright, Hunk is the smartest guy and Pidge is the smartest girl in the universe.”

“I’ll agree there,” Pidge commented.

“I’m going to head back to the kitchen. The Tsubuan should be almost done cooling. Do you want to come with or stay here, Lance?”

“I think I’ll stay. I’d probably end up burning myself trying to sneak a bite before the food cools.”

“Or worse, you might almost wind up a part of it, like in Thumbelina.” Pidge laughed lightly.

“Don’t even joke about that! I barely made it past that part of the movie!” Hunk exclaimed.

“Sorry, I see that joke was in bad taste,” Pidge said as Hunk left.

Is that supposed to be a pun? Cause it’s not appreciated. Or funny.

Lance thought back on when Veronica made him watch Thumbelina with her. He did remember the scene Pidge was referring to, but not much else. There were some frogs, bugs, mice, and fairies that were all interested in Thumbelina for some reason. He hadn’t paid much attention, but he liked spending time with his sister. She was the one that taught him about skin care, after all.

Maybe if I had paid attention to the movie, I could have gotten some advice on what to do in this situation.

‘Do you actually think a cartoon would be able to offer you any advice?’

Hey, Dora la Exploradora taught me English, so hell yeah a cartoon can help!

He refocused on what was happening around him.

Pidge was mumbling to herself about the results and how crazy they were. Lance walked over and sat on the edge of the scale.

This is probably a good out of the way place to sit.

“Medically speaking, you still feel ok, right?” Pidge’s stare was intense.

“I guess so. I feel a little cold, but that’s not that big a deal.”

“It could mean that your body is losing heat faster than normal. Smaller creatures do struggle to retain their body heat more than larger ones.”

“But why would a smaller creature lose it faster?”

“It’s because of the ratio between the surface area and volume of the animal.”

“That still doesn’t make sense. A larger animal has more surface area, so shouldn’t they lose their heat faster?”

“But the ratio to their volume is smaller. The larger animal is able to create more heat due to its volume. Does that make sense?”

“I guess.”

Nope. Still don’t get it, but I’m not about to let her know that.

“What are you working on there, anyway?” Lance changed the subject.

“Just a few projects I’ve been meaning to get to.”

“But what are they?”

“I don’t think you’d understand if I tried to explain.”

“Oh.”

How would she know?

‘Well, would you understand?’

Probably not, but it’d be nice to know she doesn’t think I’m a complete idiot.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I think the welder is a bit big for you to use, so no. Oh!” Pidge reached over where he was sitting and grabbed something from the back wall of the workbench. “Put this on.” She handed the item to him and he saw it was a mini welding mask.

“When did you have time to make this?”

“Two pheobs ago. Chuchule likes to help, so me and Hunk made that for her. Safety first and all that. Does it fit?”

“Yeah.” Lance pulled the mask down.

“Good.” Pidge did the same and got back to welding.

He watched her work in silence. The only sound was the slight noise of the welder against the metal. From Lance’s new perspective, the sparks flying off of the workbench seemed like fireworks.

He didn’t realize how long he was sitting there when he heard the *crackle* of the comms overhead.

“Food’s ready!”

Pidge turned off the welder and placed her mask on the workbench. Lance handed his mask over to her.

“Something this small could get lost easily,” Pidge commented as she put it back where it belonged.

I could get lost easily.

“This is probably the most organized space I have.”

“I think the random piles of wires and tools would disagree with you, Pidge.”

“I said most organized, not that it actually was organized.”

“Touché.”

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“You made taiyaki? It’s been so long since I’ve had it.” Shiro said.

“What’s taiyaki?” Allura looked at the food in question.

“It’s a pretty popular street food back home. It's something between a pancake and waffle texture with a sweet bean filling. And you even got it in the fish shape. Where did you find a mold for it out here?”

“I actually made it in the forge.”

“There’s a forge in the castle-ship?”

“Of course there’s a forge. What kind of self-respecting castle doesn’t have a forge?” Coran stated.

“It took a few tries to get the mold to come out right. It’s not as detailed as I would like it to be, but I think it works.”

“Hunk, this is more than enough. Thank you.” Shiro took a bite out of one of the taiyaki. “This is the best food I’ve had in phoebs!”

“I’m glad you like it. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make the ones for you and the space mice fish shaped, Lance.”

“No worries, big guy. They’ll still taste good.”

Everyone grabbed some of the taiyaki and started enjoying them. The sound of them all eating made Lance feel uncomfortable for some reason. When Shiro’s stomach suddenly groaned, Lance felt afraid. His mind jumped to Juan y los Frijoles Mágicos and what the giant had wanted to do to Juan.

That’s why the sound is freaking me out a bit.

“Something’s not agreeing with me.” Shiro clutched at his stomach.

“Oh no! Did I not cook them enough? I swore they were the right temperature! Did the ingredients not work together?” Hunk panicked.

“No, they were cooked right and tasted fine. I don’t know why this is happening.” Shiro groaned out.

“What did they feed you while you were a prisoner?” Keith asked.

“I don’t know what it was. Some sort of gruel.”

“Then that means this is the first solid food you’ve had in three phoebs. No wonder your body’s reacting like this.” Pidge stated. “Going from only liquid to solid food so quick has an adverse effect on your body. It isn’t used to solid food, so it rejects it.”

“I didn’t even think of that when I was making it. I’m sorry, Shiro”

“It’s not your fault, Hunk,” Shiro responded.

“I’m going to put together a meal plan to get your body used to solid food again. Then I’ll make more taiyaki for you.” Hunk offered.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll get used to it in time.”

“We don’t want our black paladin falling in the field because of an upset stomach,” Coran commented.

“Please, none of us wish to see you like this, Shiro.” Allura gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He put his hand over hers and lightly squeezed it.

“Alright, just don’t work too hard on it. We don’t want our yellow paladin down for the count either.” Shiro smiled slightly at Hunk.

The others continued to enjoy the food and talk more while Shiro was looking at his hand with a puzzled look on his face.

“Earth to space-dad, are you ok?” Lance moved closer to where Shiro was sitting at the table. Shiro moved his hands away from Lance, not wanting to risk another incident.

“I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Just…how nice it is to be back with all of you.”

“Well, we’re all glad we found you.” Lance was then pulled into a conversation with Hunk while Shiro went back to staring at his hand.

When Shiro had touched Allura’s hand, the usual spark wasn’t there. He remembered how much he cared about her. He loved her. But now, there was nothing. He didn’t feel that way about her, even though he believed he was still in love with her. How was that possible, to know that you are in love with someone and yet feel nothing beyond friendship with them? Could this be a part of project K____? To mess with someone’s mind and heart? If he could just remember the name of the project, maybe that would give a clue as to what the Galra had planned to do with him. Perhaps he could suggest doing some mind-melding exercises in the next training session. That could help get his thoughts and feelings back together. Maybe even help him remember more of the name.

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Number of realities without a Lance: 42

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#pocket paladin #voltron #vld #g/t #giant/tiny #klance #shrinking #shrunk #keith #lance #g/t writing #g/t klance

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jessiewre · 5 years

Text

Day 56

Sat 29th Feb

🧅🧅🧅 Leap Year & Day before the Run 🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♂️🏃🏻‍♂️

The room was very, VERY hot. We were sleeping on single beds in different corners of the room and the ceiling rotating fan was only reaching the edges of our beds. I got up early to escape & headed to the roof terrace - and immediately spotted the main attraction! The clouds had cleared for a moment and there was a beautiful view of Kilimanjaro peak. So cool!

I ran down to tell Phil to get up immediately and come see it. He grunted and reluctantly agreed to, so I ran back up where I’d left my stuff...and saw that the cloud had covered it up again. Uh oh...

LUCKILY when Phil appeared 5 minutes later, it popped its lovely head out of the clouds again and Phil was suitably impressed. We sat on the rooftop and ordered breakfast enjoying the view as the sun rose, but there was a problem developing. The heat was increasing very fast and the rooftop was getting really hot. There was a large roof cover so we weren’t getting direct heat, but it felt like the roof was absorbing all the sun and heating up the area into some sort of giant oven. Phil began to sweat profusely and ended up having to leave to shower and cool down before he lost his cool completely. He came back 20 minutes later feeling much better, much cooler, but after 15 minutes he was sweating again.

I was ok though and felt quite happy chilling on the rooftop, so Phil said he’d go for a walk. He wanted to do something, so went to get some bottles of water (literally water and not beer this time wtf right) then came back.

Wasn’t enough to satisfy him though, and he decided to go to an ATM to get our cash sorted. Fine by me! We agreed that we’d go together for the run registration half hour later, once he’d returned, as I wanted to go together plus was going to potentially sign up for the 5km fun run.  Well, half an hour came and went, and I began to wonder where he’d got to. I hoped he wasn’t stressed looking for a cash point.

Then, an hour later, a very sweaty flappy Phil burst into the room.

‘Am I in deep shit? Are you fuming?!? Oh my god, that was SO annoying!’

I felt sorry for him straight away, but then noticed - he had his race number in his hand.

‘Phil...have you been to register for the race? Why did you go and register without me??’

Phil huffed and puffed a bit before launching into it.

‘Jess, just listen, that was SO annoying cos I walked to find a cash point and then realised I was really close to registration, like 0.8km...’

At which point I interrupted to let him know that 0.8km is not ‘really close’.

‘Jess, shut up, you don’t understand, I tried to go there and there was loads of traffic...’

‘Traffic? So you had to get a tuc tuc there? Makes sense I suppose, considering it wasn’t very close’

‘Jess shut UP it was really stressful, I tried to get online to let you know where I was cos I thought you’d be fuming I’d taken so long, and I couldn’t get online and so rushed back here, and I didn’t even pick up my tshirt’.

I was baffled as to his decision making.

‘Phil. Firstly, WHY did you go to register after we agreed to go together and I specifically said I wanted to go with you to register?? Secondly, why are you talking to me like I’VE done something wrong??’

But by this point, he’d got himself in such a state that we were not able to have a sensible conversation about it. Phil’s way of dealing with how annoyed he was with himself for making shite decisions was to shout at me, a lot (at one point he actually said ‘All you want to do is your blog’ which was a low blow I thought).

So I retreated to the safety of the rooftop where I could hurl abuse of my own at him from a safe distance via WhatsApp. Ahh, you gotta love a whatsapp argument. Phil is typing... oh IS he now.

Well it worked a treat and Phil went all Gary Barlow on me, messaging me along the lines of Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn’t mean it. After admitting he’d been a grade A twat, he skulked up to the rooftop to apologise and started to laugh (the audacity of it), and we agreed to try again and head to the registration TOGETHER. I showed him the definition of the word on dictionary.com to avoid any further confusion.

We walked the (long and not close by) distance to the Keys hotel and oh thank goodness, there were still places available, so I signed up for the 5km ‘fun’ run. I had prepared my happy speech in advance ‘Oh yay, there are spots left, fantastic news, I’m so relieved, I thought they might all be gone by now and that would have been terrible’.

Fun run eh? We’ll see. Other suitable names for it could be the ‘5km Why Try’ or the ‘5km Pain Train’. Look, I KNOW its only 5km but I hadn’t run for ages so felt a little unsure as to how it was going to go.

Phil walked me over to a counter where he had seen a running hat for sale on his first trip there and he wanted to try it on. I managed to convince him that this red monstrosity of a hat looked super duper cool, was not a crime against fashion on every level and was the PERFECT match to accompany his wonderful & sexy running waistcoat. I wasn’t the only one thinking it, the guy selling them couldn’t get rid them quick enough and practically gave it to Phil, offering a 5000Tsh discount for no apparent reason. I know the reason. We all know the reason.*

While Phil was chatting to this guy about running and other boring things to do with running, we were approached by a guy with a camera woman asking if he could do an interview with Phil. I think it was the hat that did it. They obviously thought Wow look at those gullible fools, they’ll do anything. And they were right of course. I lolled while Phil answered a few questions and told them something about London being cold. Then the tables turned and they asked me to answer some question too. I was like No no no, I’m only doing the 5km, I’m not a runner runner like.

But they didn’t seem bothered, asking me too to say my name, how far I was running and how I’d prepared. ‘Well I haven’t prepared’ I said ‘But I’m only doing the 5km so I think I’ll survive!’.

I then could not for the life of me get ‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Estefan out of my head.

Enos the interviewer took our number and said he’d send us a link when it went live. Sure mate, course you will - I fully expected to never hear from him again.

We left to go find some lunch and asked our tuc tuc driver to take us to the Kilimanjaro Coffee Lounge. But he was utterly clueless and we pulled up outside a completely different cafe called Union Cafe. Handily though, it was really close to our hotel so we thought Screw it, Union cafe it is then. It was pretty good, had a nice bagel with cheese, tomato and avocado plus a Mediterranean platter - houmous, pitta and two minuscule bowls of other dips.

My ice coffee shake was like pure syrup though and despite the first sip tasting delicious, by the end of it, it was positively nauseating. It was all a bit expensive too.

Back to the hotel where we watched the Crown with a Safari beer (so many great beer names here) and tried to take it easy ahead of tomorrow’s race. Loads of last minute sponsors came flying it which was really nice and gave us a much appreciated boost of support. They’d probably heard the news about my 5km run and thought I was a legend.

Out of pure laziness, we wandered round the corner back to Union Cafe to grab a takeaway pizza but decided to sit there instead when we saw there were tables available. As we sat there, Phil suddenly looked behind me and said ‘Jess...is that...is that a cricket on that mans shoulder??’.

Sure enough a huge locust was just sat on this guys shoulder, like it was his pet, joining him for dinner. I was fairly certain it was not his pet and it looked hilarious sat there like his pal. I got the mans attention and said ‘Excuse me, you have a cricket on your shoulder’. He stared at me with confusion and when he eventually realised what I was saying, he started to do a shimmy shake with his shoulders leaning over his table in a panic to try and get his mate to flick the cricket off him 😂😂😂. His mate finally got it and the man tried to look all calm as he casually turned to us and said ‘Thank you’ through a forced smile.

We enjoyed this incident very much.

The chips and Greek salad were ok but the pizza was rubbisssshhhh. The pizza looked like it had been sat for ages, like it had been cooked twice. Being the feminist that I am (aren’t we all?) I used a ring of onion to mock propose to Phil (ITS A LEAP YEAR Y’ALL) and he said yes! But please, don’t get excited guys, it was a piece of onion yeah 🧅. We took the carbs and headed back our crazy hotttt room. We got all our running gear ready, though I had my doubts about wearing running leggings in the heat, then did a bit of bed shifting to catch the fan breeze a bit more. We’d learnt from the night before and both put ear plugs in to drown out the crazy loud road noises before attempting sleep.

*Look Phil, I was kidding about the hat. I thought it would be funny to diss it on the blog and I actually think its a wonderful and very fantastic practical addition to your running kit. Please wear it with pride and enjoy the shade it gives you. I certainly will.

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trialnerror · 6 years

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Rock of Ages [Best Friend!Luke AU] CH 2

Word Count: 1741

A/N: Sorry I took forever to post, school has been getting verrrrry busy for me

Previous Chapters

Chapter 2

Getting to the front door of Luke’s house, Hayden knocked and waited for someone to answer, an unfamiliar action as she was so used to entering without notice.

While she waited, she looked around the porch noticing the absence of the small bench that she and Luke would frequent after school. The two would often do homework, talk and sometimes eat on it, greeting people that would pass by them whenever they were outside. Snapping her from her thoughts, she heard the door open and turned her attention to the stranger standing before her.

“Hey, you must be Hayden. I’m Ashton.” he spoke, smiling and extending his hand to her. Grabbing it, she shook his hand and smiled back, taking in his features. His hair was slightly wavy with some curls that were tucked away at the back of his head, a soft honey colour that complimented his eyes. Looking at his eyes, she noticed how hazel they were, with small green flecks that light up in the sun. Not to mention his smile, one that Hayden found herself smiling along with. After getting lost in his features, she shook her thoughts from her mind, responding to his introduction.

“Yeah I am” she smiled.

“Come in, Luke was too lazy to get up.” He laughed, making herself laugh along. Even his laugh is infectious, she thought. Walking in, she was greeted by two other guys along with Luke.

“I’m not lazy, I’m in the middle of a game” he responded, keeping his eyes on the screen.

“Yeah a game that you’re sucking ass at” one of the others smirked.

Pausing the game Luke put the controller down causing the other two to groan, but turn their attention on the girl standing in Luke’s living room.

“Hayden, this is Calum and Michael, and you know Ash” he said gesturing between the three other boys.

“Hey” Michael nodded and smiled, while Calum shook her hand.

“I’m Calum”

“Hayden” she smiled back shaking his hand.

“So you’re the girl that’s in all of Luke’s photos?” Michael asked, looking at Hayden as she sat down on the couch beside Calum, Ashton taking a seat on the floor.

“Yeah I guess, unless another girl came around after I left” she laughed looking to Luke who only shrugged in response, a smirk playing on his lips.

“How long did you guys know each other?” Calum asked.

“Practically since birth,” she laughed. “But I left when I was 14, and we kinda lost contact between then and now but yeah.Forever I guess. How about you guys?”

“Cal and I met in year 7 after you left, Mike came in not that long after and then we met Ash in 2011” Luke responded looking at the guys.

“I’m the only one who didn’t go to Norwest apparently.” Ashton laughed, cashing Hayden to laugh along.

“Yeah but you’re here now. You’re welcome” Michael teased, earning and eye roll from Ashton, and a confused look from Hayden.

“I found him online” Michael said, making Hayden’s confused look grow by every word. “We were looking for a drummer and found his ad and now we’re stuck with him.”

“Hey you guys didn’t have to accept me into the band. That’s on you.” Ashton spoke, pointing at the other three in a teasing manner.

“You’re in a band?” she asked, suddenly intrigued.

“Yeah, for the 8 years.” Luke spoke, a smile on his face.

“What’s your band called?”

“5 Seconds of Summer” Ashton responded, now seeing the shock on her face.

“I’ve heard you guys before, I just never thought that you’d end up making it in music. No offence.” she laughed.

“None taken, but yeah we made it. Are you a fan?” Luke asked.

“You guys are good, don’t get me wrong but I don’t listen to your stuff enough to be a fan. Sorry.” she said, now feeling bad that she didn’t know about her best friend and his career.

“That is absolutely outrageous. Luke, how could you let this “non fan” into your home?” Michael gasped, mock offence lacing every word.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know! I’ll try to become a fan to make you happy though.” She laughed, the other laughing along.

“It’s cool, but we are playing a festival in a couple of days. You should come.” Calum spoke, a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah, and who knows? Maybe we’ll convert you” Ashton laughed, Hayden smiling and how infectious his laugh truly was.

“Count me in then.” she smiled, the boys smiling back at her.

After hanging out with the four boys and learning more about the band and their close friendship with each other, Hayden felt more comfortable being back home, not only back with her best friend but earning 3 new friends in the process. The boys got up to leave one by one, not before exchanging numbers with Hayden and demanding that they hang out again (and more often according to Michael) leaving her behind with Luke.

“I’m kinda surprised you like them,” Luke chuckled, now closing the gaming system. “I didn’t think you would.”

“I do,” she smiled back, returning to her spot on the couch. “They seem pretty cool. Plus you guys are in a famous band so I might as well get my connections in now.” she laughed.

The door then opened, causing both Luke and Hayden to turn their attention to the door where Liz stood, a surprised expression on her face.

“Hey mum, guess who’s back?” Luke laughed, watching as she quickly made her way to the couch and hugged Hayden.

“Hayden! It’s been so long! How are you? How’s your parents and brothers? When did you get back?” Liz asked, causing Hayden to laugh in response.

“I’m good Mrs. Hemmings. May parents and brothers are good too and earlier today.” she smiled.

“You have to come over for dinner tonight. Consider it a welcome home dinner. And you can call me Liz now, you’re old enough that we can pass the formalities.” she laughed.

“Will do, and you really don’t have to do this for us, it’s not like we’re strangers.”

“All the more reason! Please tell them to be here for 7:30.” she smiled, making her way into the kitchen to start preparing their dinner.

After agreeing to go next door for dinner, both the Hemmings and Hastings families quickly fell back into old patterns, acting as if no one had ever left. Catching up on both the little and big things felt natural, with only the few surprises of new jobs, relationships and friendships made along the way while Luke and Hayden fell into the same pattern themselves. Once the conversation of the old times came to a close, as well as the dinner that Liz had made was finished the Hastings family bid their farewells, promising that the next get together would be once they were fully unpacked. Hayden pulled her shoes on, ready to leave after saying goodbye to most of the Hemmings clan, but was stopped at the door by none other than Luke himself.

“If you’re free tomorrow, the guys and I have to practice for the show but you can hang out with us if you want?” He asked, hoping that he would get to make up for the lost time that they had spent while she was away.

“Thanks but I have a lot of unpacking to do. Plus I didn’t wanna bother you guys while your practicing. How about a movie night? Say 8?” She asked, feeling bad for rejecting his offer but still wanting to see him the next day.

“8 it is. See you tomorrow Hastings.” He smiled, earning a smile from herself in return.

“See you tomorrow Hemmings.”

Walking into her own home, after saying goodnight to her family, Hayden made her way to her room, feeling the exhaustion course through her body due to the jet lag and long day of travelling that she had. Once she was in her room, she looked around at the boxes and realized that she had no clothes to change into for the night. After 20 minutes of searching and finding a change of clothes, she quickly changed and moved the boxes off of her bed ready for a good night sleep before a bright light distracted her. Glancing out her window to find the source, she noticed it coming from a bedside lamp in the room opposite to her own. Walking in and confirming it was in fact his room, Luke stalked over to his bedside table, placing his phone on the charging pad and stripped himself of his shirt, no notice of Hayden watching from her own room.

Hayden watched as he ran his hand through his golden hair, the curls looking softer than they did earlier that day. Thinking back to when they were younger, Hayden now noticed the big and small changes that she hadn’t before, like the shade of ocean blue that his eyes had changed compared to the sky blue that they once were. The one consistent feature of Luke was his smile, the slight tongue poke that he always did when he was excited to the full smile that he flashed when he was happy, which brought a smile to her own face. Looking back over at him, she noticed how fit he had gotten, remembering back to when the kids would tease him for his weight causing her to stick up for him.

Before she could think-or look any lower, she quickly shut the blinds, feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks as she tried to ignore the low hanging joggers that hugging his hips. Climbing into bed, Hayden pulled the sheets up, hoping that sleep would overcome her, but her mind was busy racing over the thoughts of Luke. She couldn’t ignore the fact that he was attractive, she would be stupid to deny it but she knew better than to act on anything. After 12 years of missing out, it was almost as if they were strangers and knew that it would take time for them to get back to the way they once were, but no matter how badly she would want something to happen, she knew she had to wait. That night, Hayden fell into a deep sleep, the exhaustion finally hitting her, but her thoughts only raced of the boy that lived next door.

Tag List: @roselukes @toofadedtofight @rosesarered516 @hoe4hemmo @heartbreakashton94 @calsfrontcurl @calumspeachy @dukehoods @wrappedaroundcal @mistletoemichael @plainwhiteluke @irwinkitten @hereforlukescruff @astroashtonio @catchinqcalum @irwinvalentines @biggestslutforcalum @calumhampton @angelmikeyy @hotmessmichael @curlyhairedpopstars @meloncal @heavenlyhemminqs @24kcalum @calsjackets @boytoynamedcalum @alyssarester @ssophisticated-simplicityy @mycollectionofnuts @mysteriouslycali @calteahood @notoriouslyhood @ohhmuke @lukesflaredpants @slimthicccal @ghostofch @fucking5sos @ohhmuke @thepixiedreambitch @jetblackyoungblood @red5soshockey @lashtoncurls @cosmocalum

#luke hemmings #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #5sos #5sos imagines

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goatyuzuru · 6 years

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Hello to my new followers. Let’s start with the basics. I go by the name Anna online since my name is quite long in my native language. I’m 24 and currently a working adult. I am Asian American and I have grown up watching asian entertainment. I enjoyed a little bit of everything, from Chinese dramas to K-pop, to Japanese anime. Most currently, I just enjoy watching figure skating, specifically, Yuzuru Hanyu. As you can tell, this blog is ran to mainly create gifs for Yuzu in my free time. However, because of what happened to Yuzu and his fandom over the past couple of days, I decide to casually write out my thoughts to channel my feeling somewhere. In general, I am not a very confrontational person at this point in life and I dislike conflict. So running a blog is a great way for me to keep things to myself. To anyone who decided to continue reading this, if it could help you in any way, I’d be very happy about it.

Warning: VERY VERY VERY LONG and VERY VERY PERSONAL stream of consciousness

Years ago, I was a fan of a huge Korean pop group called SNSD. At the time, Yuna Kim was also a sensation in Korea and she performed to one of SNSD’s performances called Run Devil Run. I later found out about figure skating from watching her programs. I was instantly fascinated by the beauty of figure skating and Kim’s skating style and skills. To me, figure skating as a sport embodies everything I love, from classical/instrumental musics to the technical elements being performed competitively and artistically. However, figure skating was only something I knew about and casually liked to watch once in a very while. I was not familiar with what the sport really requires and while Kim’s skating was exquisite, I didn’t have enough motivation to dive deeply about the sport. Perhaps, I was mainly watching ladies figure skating at the time where most of the skaters I watched only executed their jumps and spins well. Then came four years ago, I became fan of another korean pop group called Exo, and I joined a Korean forum called Onehallyu. While running through some posts, I saw a gif under a poster’s banner section of an eye smiled guy. Since I have a preference for the flower boy type, I was instantly attracted. However, I was not ready to add another person to my list of attention at the time.

Flash forward to mid 2016, I stumbled upon a video of Yuzuru Hanyu skating to Parisienne Walkway at Sochi. The moment I watched him running his hands through his hair, I realized that there’s more to figure skating. I also realized he was that same eye smiled guy I had seen before. As his performance ended, I instantly became a fan. My impression of Yuzu was he is a physically attractive man, gifted with technical excellence and unparalleled artistry. Yuzu is what the sport requires and more. (How could one not, really? I still don’t understand how people can not like him after knowing his existence. In the past, I fan-girled a lot of beautiful kpop stars, but no one came close to Yuzu in terms of the talent department.) I binge watched many of his clean skates and read about his achievements.

Around the beginning of 2017, I was scraping by life in order to graduate university and in my isolation, I kept rewatching Yuzu’s programs: PW Sochi, Chopin 2.0 at GPF, Worlds, Hope and Legacy Worlds 2017, Seimei GPF. I liked listening to NBC, CBC, and B.ESP commentaries since they all praised Yuzu when he skated to those programs. I couldn’t appreciate most of his other past programs or any non-clean skates, even Romeo and Juliet 1.0, enough since I thought his skating was not as good. Even at this point, I was simply a casual follower and barely watched any other skater. Perhaps, it was because I only wanted to think of Yuzu as an invincible skater. Perhaps, it was because I’ve always the type of person who likes watching the best since it makes me feel like I am part of it. Because in order to escape my personal failures, I depended on Yuzu’s achievement to ‘feel happier’. Because of Yuzu, I was motivated to work out more and achieve a healthier body. I always laugh when telling others that I work out to Yuzu’s program musics.

By mid-2017, I graduated from university and landed on a job. My life had improved around that time and unsurprisingly, I was occupied with work, social relationships, and other responsibilities as a working adult. Yet, life is always full of challenges, ups and downs, and shortly before the 2018 Winter Olympics Games, I was back to experiencing the downside of life. I experienced great challenge at work and I needed another escape. Therefore, I was back to anticipating Yuzu at the Olympics greatly. Shamefully to share, even as his fan, I did not follow him closely and did not know about his schedule, his injury, or anything until a couple of days leading up to the event when I had the time to follow the news surrounding them. When he finished his free program, I was crying in the middle of the night. I was so happy that he won his 2nd title and inspired by his story. He was also back to being this “invincible person” to me. Following those couple of days were just deep withdrawals. I’d experienced something awful. I didn’t know why but I began to compare myself to him and simply belittled myself. I hated how I was so weak and risk-adversed in comparison to Yuzu, who is a couple of months younger than I am yet achieved so much and seemed mentally strong. I hated how I was so opposite of him. I’d desired so much of him and even thought, in the future, if I ever had a child, I would love for my child to be the same as Yuzuru Hanyu. I would love for my child to achieve all of the things I couldn’t due to my ability in life.

However, as I followed Yuzu more closely as an athlete and as a person, I realized Yuzu is not invincible. Yuzu is a human and yet, instead of loving him any less, I’ve begun to love him more and more each passing day. And yet, instead of seeing him any less, I’ve begun to see more to him each passing day. And instead of feeling upset that he is not living up to the standard and expectation I thought I’d hope he would, I am somewhat healed of my sadness. It’s as if, he’s meeting me in the middle. Don’t get me wrong, this is not to belittle Yuzu’s achievements or character/skills as an athlete/person. What I’m trying to say is, I was making a Godlike image out of Yuzu that certainly he himself is not, and I myself never will reach, that was causing both of us to suffer. I was suffering because I depended on his achievement, his happiness to be happy only to feel sadder. For whenever the more “invincible” he is with each and every achievement, the farther he appears from being relatable. While for Yuzu, because of this thinking of his fan (me) or fans (many people who have similar thinking), he was pressured to live up to it. Yes, I understand it can go both ways and the positive outlook is to think we have pushed him forward. Yet, to any extreme would be unhealthy. Yuzu as a person himself also has his own goals and motivations where fans’ expectations are outside of the equation. That itself, I believe, is good enough.

Since he finally achieved his 2nd OG gold medals, I thought he would retire. However, because he is still so young, so talented, so fascinated to watch, and so motivated and passionated, I wanted him to keep competing and he did. He was back and while he said he just wanted to skate for himself and did not think about the scores, it did not last long. Yuzu is someone who wears his heart on his sleeves and that’s what I love about him. He is true to his feeling and whatever he feels at the moment, he would share it with us. Since our feelings change depending on our circumstances/situations, it has always been interesting to see how his competitive direction changes. This is also another way I find him relatable. Yet, there are still many foundational principles he keeps: winning resoundingly, performing with his best ability, always pushing forward no matter what stage he is at. When he came back to skating competitively this season, things had gone really smoothly and it felt like skating for himself and winning weren't necessarily mutually exclusive after all. Because Yuzu has his own idea of a perfect skate and anything less than that is still enough for him to win, it appeared to me once again, he was quite “invincible”. He broke a lot of “curses”. So I was hoping that if this was Yuzu’s last season of skating, the perfect scenario would be for him to win every competition, broke the world records over and over, land the Quad Axel, and be happy. I was already preparing to take off for all of his planned competitions this season. Since my life is now very boring and unsociable, I was looking forward to each competition.

However, what happened to Yuzu yesterday has proven that there are things that are outside of one’s hand. You do not know what will happen tomorrow. It also once again shows me that Yuzu is not “invincible”. Again, don’t get me wrong. This is not to say him not winning or competing in every event would make him any less as a skater. This is to say that everyone will get injured and every skater has their own capacity as a person. Things happen. Yuzu is a human and he would get injured like anyone else. And Yuzu’s words really hit me deeply when he said even the weak Yuzu is he, himself. When he said this, I was touched and I felt like he was very relatable. In all the angst of the event, I was happy to know he is fully aware and in acceptance that he is weak and that his fans would love him even when he is weak. Ironically, his words transmitted strength to me. While both Yuzu and I do not get the perfect scenario, we still get the happy Yuzu. I witnessed his happiness at the medal ceremony. I don’t want to romanticize anything about Yuzu, not his strength, not his weakness, not his injury, nor the story surrounding his achievements. I love the Yuzu who is real and true to himself.

Because I am able to love Yuzu for who he is, I do not get upset about any decision he is making. Yes, I care about his health and I care about the longevity of his career. It would be great that he can skate as long as he can for ice shows, be a great coach, choreographer, anything that requires his body to be first healthy. But I don’t want to write his story for him (I can’t) or make an image out of him. There were moments prior to this, I still wanted him to win the GPF, Japanese Nationals, and Worlds one more time. But maybe because I wanted more validation? I thought he needed more validation (to an extent) since he loves competing and winning and winning would help? I wanted that perfect scenario and all the things that I think would make him happiest and make me happiest. But I know that Yuzu already has his own goal and motivations where he is running after. To think I can think for him would burden both of us. I can’t control what Yuzu thinks or wants. But I can control what I think or want. I think he is winner, regardless, and I want to respect any competitive decision he makes. (Also, to those who will never appreciate his achievement/talent to begin with, there will be nothing he can do anymore to change their opinion. He does not have to, regardless. )

Life is not perfect. By the way we deal with situations that are out of our hands is what makes us stronger and what wins us in life. Yuzu has won in life by the way he handles it, not simply by winning an event. Whether Yuzu chooses to compete or not, whether he wins or loses, hurts himself more or not, I will respect his decision as that’s probably what he feels is important to him. Since I love both the strong and weak Yuzu, the result of the competition is not as important as how I perceived before. Finally, I am learning to live each day at a time. What I learned from following Yuzu’s life is we do not know what will happen tomorrow. He might stop skating or he might skate even for Beijing 2022. But if I’m sad thinking about all of these scenarios that don’t live up to the scenario I think for him, they actually...don’t go anywhere. As a Christian, I am happy to be able to think this way. I went to church today and the message was on this and I would love to try living a day at a time. Who knows what will happen to me, Yuzu, or anyone else tomorrow. For the situation I’m in right now, I’m thankful. I’m also thankful Yuzu is still healthy. Yes, his ankle is reinjured, but there are still other things to be thankful about his health in general. Of course, praying for me helps too. I’ve been praying for his health and for my feeling to stabilize. I’m not sure to what extent the former has worked, but the latter seems to be working from first hand experience.

#just alot of writing and i just feel happy to let it out #its okay if it doesnt make any single sense because our mind works that way sometimes #thoughts

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luminescentwind · 4 years

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53.

I still haven't got my computer back, and I'm not too sure of when I will. Still, I don't mind too much, as I can still browse the internet on my phone and prepare some work on my tablet. So here I am, writing on my phone again (Saturday, Feb 13th, 22.20) and will post it when I get my computer back.

A couple of hours ago I was reading about initiation rituals (or hazing) and I can't believe the level of straight up sadism that seems to lurk in groups of otherwise "well-adjusted" people. It's beyond insane. I recently found an online magazine I'm enjoying quite a bit, and the article I'm reading now deals with this topic. So I googled a bit and found out that many people have died because of these horrible rituals. I can't believe how fucked up all of that is.

On a completely unrelated note, just now I was re-reading old journal entries (that is, from my personal, intimate journal, which of course I won't post anywhere) and I found the entries from the brief time I sort of dated this guy. For reasons that, to be perfectly honest, I still don't understand, we're not on talking terms anymore. Tomorrow it'll be ten weeks since we last talked. Now, on the journal entries I wrote while we were together, I was so, so deeply happy. I was grateful and I was in love. And when I read all my words just now, I felt happy again. I don't know if I did something wrong, maybe I was unkind or rude or inconsiderate. Maybe there's something wrong about me in a way that I can't fully see. But I know that sleeping by his side is truly one of the best feelings I've ever known. I felt privileged and grateful and joyful. Now, that is no more. And I don't even know why. But I knew such joy while it lasted, that now I know such a feeling is possible. And somehow, in a way I can't really explain, I've been carrying that joy since.

I lost the most important connection I had in my life, but nothing happened. The world didn't collapse. Instead, all the love I found within me has been flowing to other areas of my life, to other people, and towards myself. I feel happy because I see no reason not to. He's gone now, but the person I was while we were together remains and grows more loving each day. This doesn't mean I don't get angry or sad or frustrated or scared. But I can see those feelings as clouds crossing the sky that is my self, a self with no natural inclination for extreme happiness nor extreme sadness. A clear sky is calm and serene, just as the self.

I suppose that if we learned to look at that sky more deeply, we'd stop identifying with the clouds, and we may stop acting on our feelings. Perhaps, if that happened, we'd be just a bit kinder. So I'll play my part and keep trying my best to be kind, even when it's cloudy.

#writing #journal #diary #relationships #journaling #others #love #compassion #kindness #breakup #break up

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365-money-diary · 4 years

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DAYS 8-14

DAY EIGHT [JAN 8]

9:00 AM - Wake up still feeling full from yesterday’s black bean burgers. Make a chemex and start working. I have a performance evaluation today and as well as an after-work happy hour so I want to try to get everything done before the review and then workout after before HH.

10:30 AM - Eat a banana

12:30 PM - Have a short break before my performance review. Make a Greek-ish salad and drink a Seltzer before my quarterly performance review which I am slightly nervous for since I was very slow in both November & December.

3:00 PM - Performance review went well. No criticism from my boss, though I should’ve known. She is the most direct supervisor I’ve ever had so I always know where I stand. Eat some grapes. I’m not super sore today but there’s something in me that’s saying to take a breather from exercising today (probably my “reward” for a good performance review), so I slowly finish my work for today.

4:00 PM - My best friend (let’s call her T) from high school calls and we catch up for 45 minutes. Pour a mezcal soda while we chat. I let her go attend Happy Hour and realize this after work HH thing isn’t happening. Today is David Bowie’s bday and I get sentimental about the annual David Bowie Nights I would do with H (I never gave him a name in my last diary, but we’ve remained pals over the years and he will probably come up more this time around). I FaceTime H kinda drunkenly and he goes to the corner store and joins me with a bottle of wine. I pour a second mezcal soda. We chat until 7:45 and I lowkey make dinner towards the end.

8:00 PM - K and I eat veggie sandwiches with potatoes for dinner. He slinks off to work more and I facetime another friend, J to chat about H’s latest drama.

10:00 PM - Go out on the couch to find K already falling asleep. I’m kind of drunk anyways and there’s no point staying up so we decide to turn in.

DAY EIGHT TOTAL: $0

DAY NINE

2:00 AM - Wake up sweating. This is my new hangover thing and has been happening throughout quar. Drink some water, turn on the fan, and stay up for an extra 30 minutes until I pass out again.

9:15 AM - Wake up feeling ok! Make a chemex and watch the latest episode of Dessert Person on YouTube.

10:30 AM - Get started on blog stuff for the day. I have a stacked list of stuff I want to shoot this weekend. I’m only one ingredient spread in before I start to feel light-headed from last night’s alcohol, so I break to make breakfast – tofu/egg scramble tacos with soyrizo. I still feel a little weird after so I drink a nuun and things start to improve.

3:30 PM - I shoot thousand island dressing, Russian dressing, cauliflower leek soup, and the first half of seitan corned beef. Tomorrow I’ll finish that, and shoot rubens, italian dressing and a greek salad. I don’t usually shoot 7 recipes in one weekend, but I’m very much out of content.

4:30 PM - Finish shooting for the day and eat a small bowl of cauliflower leek soup.

6:00 PM - Working out on the weekends is always hard because of lack of routine / structure, but I suck it up and do a barre live stream. Shower and watch the last of the Suns game and import photos.

7:45 PM - Make veggie sandwiches with miso butter green beans for dinner. This is the last of our veggie sandwiches which is sad. I love them so much! Spend the rest of the evening with K. We watch part of the 76ers game where they only had 7 players, a few episodes of Letterkenny, and then I read Remain in Love while he played RocketLeague.

DAY NINE TOTAL: $0

DAY TEN

8:45 AM - Doomscroll in bed for a bit and finally make myself a chemex. Put on an old episode of The Challenge. Buy a very belated birthday present for a friend - mamafuku seasoned salts. $34.95

10:30 AM - Pump myself up for shooting for the rest of the day. I have to finish the seitan, then shoot a greek dressing, a greek salad, and reuben sandwiches. None of these things should take too long but I also shot all day yesterday so I’m dragging ass.

3:15 PM - Finially finish! I ended up also taking a decent break to chat with my sister on the phone part way through. I think everything looks alright though.

4:00 PM - Import photos, eat a cup of cauliflower leek soup with a La Croix, watch an episode of The Challenge, try to hype myself up to exercise but by the time I am ready to play DDR, K says we’ll be zooming with his parents in just a short while.

5:30 PM - Drink the last of the wine in the house – a true bummer – on zoom with K’s parents. Cook dinner after – reubens with miso butter broccoli with more La Croix. We watch some Letterkenney and then K plays RocketLeague while I read some Remain in Love / zone out on fone.

9:00 PM - K finishes playing and I assume the DDR position. My tracking has already improved quite a bit since Tuesday. I play most of the tracks on standard and close my Apple Watch rings after 30 minutes. Rinse off, put the Challenge back on and edit photos of Russian Dressing.

DAY TEN TOTAL: $34.95

DAY ELEVEN

8:30 AM - Ugh Monday. I actually have a lot to do already today. Make a chemex and do the dishes leftover from yesterday’s cooking adventures. Pure barre charge comes through. $15

9:45 AM - I have a giant stack of packages and mail in the house from the past few weeks. Open up one of them and it contains a phone case I bought from a “tech company” that is probably just a fancy version of Wish. Slap it on my phone. I honestly can’t believe I went over a month without a case without cracking anything. I’m amazing.

10:00 AM - Missed a call on Friday afternoon from an appraiser scheduler, so I call them back to get something on the calendar for next week after MLK day so I have the 3-day weekend to clean. Eat yogurt for breakfast.

12:00 PM - Make a greek salad for lunch with a La Croix. It’s really good but not very filling. I have a feeling today is going to have a heavy snack vibe.

2:00 PM - Eat a handful of pretzels.

3:00 PM - Eat 2 clementines

4:00 PM - Eat a handful of tortilla chips. Start thinking about dinner. Don’t want to do reubens and burritos sound really nice so I start the process of making chile de arbol salsa and instant pot refried beans.

5:30 PM - Do a Pure Barre livestream. My focus is a little better than Saturday, so I’ll take it!

7:00 PM - Make rice on the stove while I clear some dishes and make burritos for din. Spend the rest of the eve watching random YouTube videos with K. He falls asleep at some point on and I turn on The Challenge.

11:00 PM - Gently wake K up and we head to bed. Put on the Suns game from earlier and cuddle up. By the end of the first quarter, I’m asleep.

DAY ELEVEN TOTAL $15

DAY TWELVE

8:30 AM - Wake up to find a couple of weird charge notifications. One is from Instacart for the exact amount of my last order – a duplicate charge. And the other is an auto-ship from Thrive market but it was supposed to charge my mom. I text her to let her know she owes me $20. I won’t include either of these charges since I’ll get reimbursed / refunded. The autoship also reminds me to look at the account and cancel my next one with Thrive.

9:00 AM - Get the stuff sorted out with Instacart. They’re going to email my sister (we share this account) the deets and she’ll forward to me. Make a chemex and make my way through the stack of paper mail before starting my workday. One of them is a confirmation of my credit score – 749. Sign a bunch of papers and put them in a giant envelope to send back to the loan company.

10:00 AM - Eat plant yogurt for breakfast and try to focus on the outstanding tasks I have this AM which is surprisingly kind of a lot.

11:45 AM - H texts me saying he forgot his wallet to buy lunch and asks me to place an order at Chipotle that he can pick up. Always happy to help! Place the order online and it’s $10.43. He PayPals me $10 for the damage. $0.43

12:45 PM - Make a greek salad for lunch with a La Croix. This salad has like 5 calories since the dressing is oil-free and leaves me wanting more.

1:00 PM - Eat a handful of mini pretzels.

3:00 PM - Heat up a small bowl of cauliflower lentil soup. Officially done snacking until din.

5:15 PM - Done with workie. Make a nuun and do barre live stream. The class recording this time is actually “easy” which is nice – my body must be adjusting to the new moves. Make leftover bean cheeze and rice burritos for din.

7:00 PM - K and I watch King of the Hill for a bit and then he plays RocketLeague while I read some Remain in Love and then work on a post for Russian dressing. Watch some of the Challenge in the background.

DAY TWELVE TOTAL: $0.43

DAY THIRTEEN

8:30 AM - Good morning to me! See a charge come in from Blueland for soap & dishwasher tablets. Kind of a bummer because I don’t need them at all right now. Move my next delivery date to November 1 and put a note on my calendar a week before to check my stock. Note that the Instacart charge is gone. Hooray! Make a chemex, do the dishes and spray down the counters. $25.19

9:30 AM - Not sure what it is about today, but my calendar is clear and I know tomorrow is going to suck with meetings, so I really take my time and ease into the day. I don’t feel super confident posting the Russian dressing all over the interweb and would rather stage it as a thousand island vs Russian dressing kind of thing, so I just decide to post on Insta, Pinterest, and one Reddit forum before deciding that’s good enough.

10:00 AM - Eat a yogurt. These Oui ones are really too sweet for me, but I’m at the mercy of whatever is on sale because honestly yogurt is a giant rip off. I should learn how to make my own.

12:30 PM - Make another greek salad with La Croix for lunch. Fully prepared to snack again since this guy is just not very filling.

1:20 PM - Eat a handful of mini pretzels

2:30 PM - Eat a cup of cauliflower leek soup. I’m actually caught up on work for once which is nice. Looking forward to knocking out barre before 7 PM - hah. We’re still a week out from needing groceries, but it takes a while to plan/prep. With the appraisal on Tuesday, I know it’s not going to be a fun weekend so I start thinking about what I want to make for the rest of the month.

3:30 PM - Find a bougie polenta recipe I want to give a go as well as shoot oil-free instant pot refried beans and nacho cheese with potatoes and carrots. And use all of that to make sheet pan nachos. Should be a fun weekend of shooting there. Eat grapes.

4:30 PM - I can’t hang with how hungry I am. Eat tortilla chips and salsa. Do a barre live stream and do a peloton 10 minute low impact ride.

8:00 PM - K isn’t hungry for dinner so I heat up a Philly burrito and eat it with more tortilla chips and Sweedish Fish for “dessert.” I watch some of The Challenge and then K and I play Mario Kart and watch Letterkenny before turning in.

DAY THIRTEEN TOTAL: $25.19

DAY FOURTEEN

8:30 AM - I hate 9 AM meetings. Get my shit together enough to make a chemex before I have to be on the call.

10:00 AM - I can’t handle how many snacks I keep eating throughout the day. Toast a bagel for breakfast with Earth Balance, everything but the bagel seasoning, nooch, and salt. Eat some Sweedish Fish while I wait for the bagel to toast.

12:30 PM - Make the same greek salad with a lemon La Croix. I eat quickly as I have to present at 1 so I eat quickly in prep for that.

2:50 PM - It’s over! It went well and got good compliments on my presentation skills by all parties. AND I’m not starving. A win for all! I realize half the lights in my bedroom & bathroom are out which is a bad scene for appraisal. Buy some replacements on Amazon. $27.98

3:10 PM - Start building the grocery order for next Wednesday. I realize I’m doing this really far in advance, but I’m worried I won’t have the gusto for it this weekend.

4:30 PM - Heat up a small cup of cauliflower leek soup for a snack. Debate to myself about whether or not I want to do barre and for whatever reason an hour of it sounds boring. DDR sounds fun though so I go for that instead. Get a good cal burn and even AA Kind Lady on Heavy. It’s coming back baby!

6:00 PM - Rinse off and make dinner – we’re doing Reubens tonight with roasted potatoes. Really really delicious dang.

8:30 PM - Drink a yellow chartreuse with Lagunitas Hop Water and play Mario Kart with K. Then edit photos of cauliflower lentil soup for my blog.

DAY FOURTEEN TOTAL: $27.98

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paradox-media · 4 years

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#BANGBANGCON2020

K-Pop superstars BTS announce 24-hour two-day online concert stream

2020 has already been one of the worst years of our lifetimes, and we’re only 4 months in. That’s how bad it’s been. There’s no coming back from this, 2020, you’ve gone and done it. One of the main things that’s been affected by Miss ‘Rona 2020 is live concerts and gigs, which have come to a complete halt until possibly the end of next year. I’ve personally already missed multiple concerts that I’d booked/planned prior to the lockdown that now won’t be happening, and BTS at Twickenham was one of them. So you can imagine my surprise when BigHitEntertainment, BTS’ management company, announced ‘BANGBANGCON’, two 12-hour livestreams of content previously only accessible by buying the discs, for free.

The only downside to this whole thing is the time-zone differences. Both days the livestream would start at 12PM KST… 4AM GMT. So I geared up, drank a RedBull at midnight and tried to keep myself occupied until 4AM came around.

4AM rolls round, I’m tired but determined and I load up the stream on Youtube. When I join, there’s already over 1 million people watching, and that’s just directly on Youtube, not including the other platforms that are also streaming the concerts like Weverse. In the end, the stream garnered over 22 million people watching and I think that goes to show just how much of an impact BTS has Worldwide.

The stream begins with a short introduction from the members, and through my very, very, broken Korean I manage to gather that they’re introducing the first day of concerts and are thanking ARMY for being there with them together despite the lockdowns. The first day consists of 4 different concerts, in order as follows: HYYH On Stage (2015), HYYH Epilogue (2015), The Red Bullet Tour (2014) and BTS 3rd Muster in Seoul (2016).

The concerts being shown are those that were recorded as tour documentaries at the time and are largely unseen by many who can’t afford to buy the original DVDs. BigHit are very strict on sharing these medias online, and many fans have been struck down for doing just that in the past. I first got into BTS in 2015, and being able to see some of these sets from before I was even a fan is super interesting and really enjoyable.

The thing about K-pop concerts is that their live shows aren’t just about the music but also about telling a story and putting on the performance of a lifetime. When a K-pop group conducts a tour, each show is just them with no supporting acts like you’d usually see with Western artists and said shows are usually about 2 hours long. Short VCR’s are shown in certain intervals throughout the show, giving the members time to take a break, drink some water and prepare for the next song. All of these shows took place somewhere in Korean, and having seen BTS live myself 3 times now, the difference in crowd interaction is astounding. As good as I think we are with interacting and singing along with songs in Korean, the entire crowd being able to sing along to every word perfectly just hits something different.

It gets to around 5:30AM and I can feel myself falling asleep, desperately trying to stay awake to enjoy the rest of the stream. I fail about half an hour later, and awake at 11AM to the sound of BTS still performing. Definitely not the worst way I’ve ever woken up, that’s for sure.

I give myself a few minutes and get right back to watching, HYYH era is one of my favourites and me and a friend are messaging each other about the songs, the way the members look and the choreography.

Despite the fact that I’m alone, in my room, only watching a stream of a concert I wasn’t at, it almost feels like I’m there in the crowd. In times like these we all need to stay connected and feel present in the moment, rather than feeling locked in and locked up.

Next up is The Red Bullet tour, a blast from the past showing young, fresh-faced BTS performing to a crowd of only 5,000 people. It feels nostalgic, once again despite the fact that I wasn’t there, and didn’t actually know who BTS were at this time. It also makes me feel proud, watching this performance, knowing how far they would come in the next 6 years. From 5,000 people in their home country, to playing Wembley Stadium for 2 consecutive nights to over 120,000 people and another 140,000 fans around the world via livestream. I sing along to every single song, every single word in very broken Korean and fully enjoy myself. The show comes to an end, and it’s incredibly bittersweet. At the end of every concert, the members will take a few minutes to speak to the crowd, thanking them for coming out and how grateful they are for being where they are. It makes me remember why I love them in the first place.

Finally, the last concert of day one begins: BTS 3rd Muster in Seoul. Every year BTS will hold a concert in Seoul called Muster, a concert that tops everything else that year in terms of live shows; be it the incredible sets, songs that otherwise wouldn’t be played live and games played by the members on stage. Each Muster shows something different but are always held in Seoul, so it’s something that international fans will usually miss out on.

As most BTS fans will know, everyone has at least one bias. For those of you who don’t know, a bias is just a fancy way to say your favourite member (although we love and appreciate ALL members in this household, thank you very much). My bias is Min Yoongi, or SUGA as newer fans may know him as. SUGA also has an alternate performance persona, Agust D, which is separate from BTS. He never usually performs any of his solo discography live, which is why 3rd Muster is so special. SUGA only has one solo album released, titled ‘Agust D’, and one of the songs performed at this concert was his track ‘Tony Montana’, featuring fellow BTS member Park Jimin. The first chord starts and I know what it is immediately, excitement brewing in my chest. SUGA’s stage presence is incredible, both him and Jimin filling up the large stage together as if they were 100, not just 2.

And with that, day one comes to an end. Once again, it’s bittersweet, and I feel almost empty now that it’s over. But it’s not the end, because we get to do it all over again tomorrow with new setlists.

Day 2 begins once more at 4AM, although this time I take a raincheck and sleep until 6:45. Day 2 concerts are as follows: The Wings Tour in Seoul (2017), The Wings Tour: The Final (2017), BTS 4th Muster in Seoul and BTS World Tour LY in Seoul (2018). Now, Wings era is possibly my very favourite BTS era to date, so I couldn’t exactly miss the streaming of the finale. The Wings Tour is also extremely special to both BTS and ARMY, as it signalled the end of one era and beginning of the next; the era where BTS really began to grow internationally. It shows, at the end of the concert, when members are speaking to ARMY about their experience with the tour and emotions begin to spill over. It’s hard to watch, and strikes a chord within myself and I begin to get emotional too. These people, these members, bring so much happiness to not just me but to millions of others around the world, and for that we are eternally grateful. Makes you want to reach into the screen and give them all a big hug, really. If only they knew, at this point, the reach they would gain and the fans they would gather around the world after this tour has ended.

The 4th Muster follows the ending of The Wings Tour and shows how much growth they had in-between; the sets are even more intricate and the performance even better than the last. That’s the thing with BTS though, isn’t it? They just keep getting better and better every time we see them bring out something new.

Finally, we reach the very last concert of the stream. This tour, the Love Yourself tour, holds a special place in my heart because it was on this tour that I saw them for the very first time. Alone, at the O2 Arena in October of 2018 I got to experience what I had only seen online before, and it’s a night I will never forget. I watch the stream, remembering my own experiences of the setlist and seeing them live, and it makes me so, so happy. I hope that everyone watching also feels happy when they see the members and are grateful for the effort that they put into their shows. Despite the fact that I’m still sat at home, on my own, it feels like I’ve been a part of something bigger and better for the first time since lockdown, and that’s all thanks to BTS.

I don’t think I could ever put into words how grateful I am to have found these guys, and I won’t bore you with it, but I really hope that they know that. Thank you for bringing happiness and light in such a time of darkness. 사랑해.

#paradox-media

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 5 years

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Are actual photographs of me from the era I was alive the Tree had taken and posted.

Its also exactly as i looked as Echinacea Elizabeth Retardation

And it's how my face will change this Christmas.

This is my face now.

This is 9 months pregnant with twins.

The size of my usual body 8" even.

Because of doorways I'll be 6'4 Christmas.

Just one foot difference.

A photo of Alex Laughlin's original face in Armageddon. Julius Armageddon Psychopath

That was his real name!!!!!! :D

A lot of names are opposite here than Armageddon.

That's why the Armageddon to Earth translation of Retardation is Simpleton.

Psychopath is Pierre.

So French + tons of simple shit = not bad names.

So new body for me for Christmas as Alex requested.

New body for him New Years Eve.

He will be 6'4

So when I wear heels Hell remember where my tits are and look up to me.

In Armageddon girls are taller than boys..so I didn't want to be like all the time.. Because I like the guy being taller.

So my legs are longer than my torso while his is average nd perfect and so when we sit i will look shorter than him so i can cuddle.

I like that head to shoulder height ratio. It will be like mid ear on him the top of my head so I'm not disportionate.

My high school graduation present from the goddess a bit late...

She intended 4 years and it's been 21.

She thought maybe college but... That was 12 years ago.

But she didn't know So she said if it wasn't a gift given on an accomplishment then what holiday?

Since Alex was still working And i would want to get back in -- we kept a lapse so we wouldn't be two new people But me new then him.

So people didn't say we were aliens and get another exile. From humans instead of gods.

Still seemed risky but depending when and what we were doing then we would decide how to handle it

Maybe we would not want to be around the people we were and go into hiding

Otherwise she said she would make sure it was easy to physically change us and allow us the life we wanted

And so you know what is next from mommy goddess Armageddon.... Don't you$?!

So I mentioned this before as I am Goddess Earth and Already knew and had been magicing on ghosts back to life and their lovers. And some kids.

For Christmas every female gets a facelift, boob job and all that... Bones fully repaired. New hearts and all that perfection.

On New Years Eve men will wake up to the same.

We will all average at size medium

Don't worry! Clothes in your closet will be mended and altered to your new size!!.

Average woman height is 5'7

Men 6'4

(6'4 or less i know you're not as man as Me so if you're short don't be surprised if I screw your head on appropriately... So if i take my heels off in front of your man face. In front of your wife and kids your ass better bow. That is how we created it so I knew who to slap around -- men only)

Girls is 5'7

So that's your goal, to get that height.

Otherwise you're still a child -- immature -- have some development still to do.

For children there's an age range ... There's a whole chart so you can't say "you're only 4 years old you don't bl bla bla have enough worth"

Bitch I'm 4 feet your kid will say. So I'm 2/3 there and I got 2 feet plus 4 inches to go.

So when you hit that mark you can't degrade yourself and say im dumb or allow any one else to

You're tall enough to listen to yourself and no one else.

Sizes are small to junior xl.

Men small to large.

So all the clothes in the world will alter except historical items and a few od your own items so yiu csn see your historical change.

Computers will auto reflect this change.

Inventory and online shopping.

So keep shopping! A shirt you buy tomorrow in large will shrink to fit your size small at Christmas day.

And if you have a stain or hole in your favorite shirt now, Christmas it will be fixed and Yoir size. Brand new

So your favorite boots will be brand new -- but the way you broke them in will still be there.

Thank Goddess Armageddon it's already been done on Armageddon. So they know how to do it!

Still will have baggy clothes and such.

You like clothes a size larger? You'll get what looks best larger on you for You.

Like big shirts and leggings. Yeah we get to keep it.

But not a 5x for a size small!

Except -- they tried to keep 5x on Armageddon but they didn't like

I Like a 5x man shirt as a size small because it becomes a huge bulky off the shoulder dress ... Belt no belt.. Leggings ... Its comfy!!!

So 1999 I locked that in!!

But that's called a junior XL

body will be only pregnant size large. 94% medium and 2% small 1%xs 5% large.

On Christmas 2020.

So stores will have a specialty section.

Beginning December 1, 2020 Goddess Armageddon will rearrange stores and change sizes. Mary Poppins style. :)

So they will be ready and you can see what clothes people will actually get for Christmas presents.

And mentally prepare for the new body changes!!

Factories will get proper machine and charts and labels and all that.

Curious? Look at current Asian sizes. Buy Asian Large and you'll see

No calorie counting no diets

Eat 100000 pounds of sugar in one setting the girl eating 100000 pounds of lettuce is gonna be the same size.

There are custom changes ask a Tree for bigger boobs or ass. Or flatter tummy or a 6 pack.

Don't think you can't find a Tree. It's Christmas. You will.

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cinnamon-muffins · 7 years

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Mail-Order Mello (Part 1)

Summary: Growing tired of his father harassing him about marriage, Near decides to play the ultimate joke by ordering a Russian bride. Little does he know, he ends up with more than he bargained for. | MelloxNear, LightxL | Alternate Universe

**in the main hallway that leads to Near’s main control room, about midday**

“Of course I’m sure this is for the best. *mumbles quietly to the male next to him as he keys in the ten-digit code beside the large silver door, despite it being impossible for Near to hear him through such thick steel* *the light above lights up green in a quick flash, and the sound of locks unhinging within the door can be heard, and he quickly adds on before the door has a chance to swing open* ... He’s nearly twenty-three years old.”

“This won’t end well. *has been by Light’s side through this entire endeavour, having been trying to counter his desperate need to concoct the plan in motion today but failing* *knows he’ll need to be there to mediate despite such, so he walks in, prepared for the storm to brew*

:*sitting alone at a desk filled with many computer screens in front of it* *eyes flickering from one to the next as he’s the only one there today, having let his workers off for a much needed day off* *almost didn’t notice the doors opening as his focus was on his work, but he does, and his chair swirls around to meet the eyes of his parents* -? Mother, Father? What are you doing in America?:

“We came to see you. *says simply with a smile, deciding to not yet sit down and simply walk towards him until he’s only a few feet away from his son* Besides, we - well, I - have a meeting tomorrow down in D.C., so we thought we’d stop by. *after second thought, he adds on, almost a little hesitant as he already expects Near’s response* What do you think about going out for lunch?”

((Light said ‘I’ bc L don’t do in person meetings))

:*while he’s glad to see his parents as it’s very uncommon with them being around the world, he must shake his head, picking up a strand of hair between his fingers* I have too much to do, I just began a new case and it needs my attention.:

“*can’t say he’s not disappointed to spend time with Near, but he does understand the work too much to let his emotions get in the way* We thought as much. *clutches Light’s shoulder, giving him a knowing look* He’s busy, as I told you. Maybe another time?”

“*his lips purse into an unamused frown, growing slightly annoyed with both of them* *however, once he speaks, his voice remains unaffected and instead inviting* We’re only going to be here for the day. *offers his hand to Near to help him up* It’ll only be a half-hour break.”

:*glances down at his father’s hand as if he’s just offended him, not offering his hand back* If you’d like to have lunch then you may order it or bring something here. I can’t go out now.:

“*already sees them clashing with not even been in each other’s presence for more than five minutes, something not surprising at all, but not welcomed either* That’s a pleasant compromise, Light.”

“ ... *is silent for a moment before finally silently agreeing* .. I’ll order something online. But.. *as he sits down in one of the free seats near Near’s desk, pulling out his cellphone and idly beginning to search for a place nearby to bring them something - especially as he suspects Near probably hasn’t eaten yet today, considering none of his associates are here* ... We actually came here for more than just seeing you.”

:? *should have known that there would be an ulterior motive to them coming here, sighing as he doesn’t have the time for a drawn-out conversation* *sits back in his chair, wanting to swivel around again* If this is another request to move back to Japan, I politely decline.:

“Hm, I still think that is a good idea. *mumbles as he wanders around, looking at the various pieces of information lying around*”

“ - There isn’t any reason you couldn’t move to Japan. It’s more convenient; not to mention - *realizes he’s gotten distracted and that there’s a more important topic at hand* .. We’ll get back to that. For now, we had something else we wanted to discuss. *spend the next moment looking down at his phone, having chosen a restaurant, and once he selects three suitable entrées, pays for it, and sees it’ll take no time at all to arrive, he sets his phone to the side to fully give his attention to the current conversation*”

“We? *mumbles again, looking back at Light with a look of disapproval, as he doesn’t want to be tied to this conversation as a founder*”

:*as it seems his original suspicion wasn’t correct, he seems confused as to what he’s going to bring up, wondering if it has something to do with his work* .. What is it then?:

“... We’re worried about your lack of social activity. *starts simply, still using the plural* *once he sees the opening, he continues* .. All you do is work. The only people you ever associate with are your employees, but that’s only on a strictly professional basis. You don’t.. Hang out with them. And.. We think maybe you should see what you can do about going out, meeting people. Try to do something outside of work.”

:*as his father speaks over such an incredulous topic, he can only sit in his chair with no response as he can’t imagine why this would be something important* That isn’t true. My associates are my acquaintances, and while we are very busy I still find their company enjoyable. *starts to turn his chair away, finding this a waste of time* And hanging out is not important while there are people looking to me to save them.:

“*glancing over at the two of them now, seeing as this was exactly how he expected things to go, but he wants to be careful to stay close in case he needs to step in*”

“It is important. *responds sternly, figuring this is how Near would react* You know we do this job too. Your employees help. The least you can do is spend some of your time doing something for you, actually doing something with your life beyond work - *wonders internally how difficult can this really be, but he remembers this is his son he’s speaking with, and his voice grows calmer* .. I’m only concerned, Near. Have you ever even thought about marriage?”

:.. Marriage?:

“Here we go. *sighs, walking closer them both, deciding to take a seat by Light*”

:*eyes are weird, as he’s almost shocked that he would bring something like this up, so much that it stops him from turning around* I have no interest in marriage, Father. None whatsoever. Even further, I don’t plan to be romantic with anyone at all.:

(cue stereotypical japanese guy heart attack)

“*rolls his eyes now that Near can’t see him, but he knows his son knows just how this is affecting him, and he refuses to take his words too seriously* You realize your mother said the exact same thing all his life. And look how he turned up - With a child, no less.”

((in like every au when near actually gets involved with mello, he forever keeps it secret from light just so he doesn’t get that satisfaction))

((tru))

:That does not mean that I am the same person, Father. *say without hesitation, not liking is assumption one bit* I am perfectly at peace with being on my own for my life, and when the time comes I’ll choose my successor just as Mother was prepared to do before I came.:

“*interested in Light’s response after that, as Near seems very confident in his response, this seeming more and more like a soap opera*”

“... That’s unacceptable. *decidedly settles on that, feeling a tinge of anger brewing but his voice only barely indicates that* Many people say that when they haven’t met the right person yet. Not to mention, you haven’t even tried to meet anyone, so how do you know it’s something you can live without?”

:I haven’t tried because I don’t want it. *speaks avidly, so secure in his decision that he turns back around to show his father a no-nonsense expression* I understand that your culture and era of upbringing creates the inability to assume love and procreation aren’t something to live without, but I see beyond that. My work is what I enjoy and that is what matters to me. A significant other isn’t the only key to happiness.:

;*sees the seriousness in his voice, forcing him to try and take Light’s attention with a touch to his arm* He seems very confident, Light. He is an adult.;

“ - Hardly. *can’t help the biting tone behind his voice, but despite that, there is quite a bit of concern* Near, you’re only twenty-two years old. You still don’t know what you want, and I’m giving you a clear answer on where to start. *crosses his arms, ignoring the touch L offers* ... I want an attempt.”

:*his eyebrow goes up at such a request, twisting the strand in his hand particularly fast due to his annoyance* You would have me do what? Speed dating?:

“*bites at the tip of his thumb, thinking over what he could request in such a situation* That’s highly improbable, you have to remember your safety is important to us.”

“If you’re an adult, you can manage to keep yourself safe while going out. If you need to, hire security to tail you. *frowns, observing him with a stern expression* .. You’re creative. And I’m asking for you to try. You have to understand I’m only doing this because I care about you - and your future.”

:*surprisingly enough, he’s actually getting irritated by this, thinking he may actually yell for the first time in a very long time- but suddenly, without any prompt, an idea comes to mind* .. Fine. I’ll do what you want and try.:

“*eyes go up at that, not expecting that sort of response for his son of all people* .. Well then. I proud of your open-mindedness, Near.”

“ - Really? *the agreement comes at a complete surprise, and he swore they were going to banter for at least ten more minutes* .. *smiles, feeling much calmer, grateful Near is finally seeing this his way* .. Thank you, Nate. Actually, I’m a little surprised you’re willing to do this.”

:If you think it’s so important, then I’ll do so only because you’re my father. *says easily, knowing full-well in his mind of his true intentions*:

“*there is an eye of suspicion in his thoughts while he listens to Near, but he chooses not to say anything, knowing he can handle himself and whatever he has up his sleeve* *stands up suddenly, tugging Light’s suit sleeve* I’m sure your meal picks will be here soon, let’s go fetch them.”

“*watches Near a moment longer, searching for a falter, but upon seeing nothing, he simply smiles, standing up* .. Yeah, you’re right. We’ll be back soon. *follows L towards the exit, silently giving L a satisfied look*”

:*only gives them a simple nod before the leave out of the heavy metal doors, but as soon as they’re gone he’s whipping to his computer, immediately starting to research exactly what he needs to turn his father’s head upside-down*....:

**two weeks later**

:*after a rather miserable confrontation with his father over his lifestyle choices, Near chose that night on what he wanted to do and how he wanted to execute it* *a process of review, negotiation, and confirmation made the process more lengthy than he imagined, but it was worth it to have the perfect specimen* *then came the waiting, but he was all the patient, and finally the day came to reap the beginning of his plan* *after giving his members specific instructions on what to do he sat in his living room, dawdling around with a metal plane, ever so often glancing at the door*:

(I was thinking maybe Gevanni or Halle would lead him up so Near doesn’t have to wait in the lobby, we don’t have to show that but just some insight)

((ye))

&*enters through the door, but she doesn’t close it quite yet* *her expression looks somewhat bewildered, as the guest she’d been sent down to retrieve was not quite the type of person she was expecting to tow up, and at first, she thought it was a mistake until he verified his identity* ... Near. He’s - here. *speaks curtly but with a bit of concern* .. Is there anything else you need?&

:*arms crossed as he silently, but impatiently waits for entry, though he can’t say he’s particularly intrigued - after all, he’s already decided he won’t be playing this game for long and will find an escape within the night, and all he has to do now is wait for him to be left to his own devices* *despite this plan being loosely formulated, especially considering he had no idea where he’d end up, he’d already anticipated being bought by someone wealthy, so the location isn’t all that unexpected - despite the somewhat unexpectedly cold interior* ‘... Probably a businessman. Freak.’:

:*looks up at his associate without any certain emotion, but internally he’s excited to start his plan* *gives her a small wave of his hand and a nod* That should be fine for now. I trust all of you to stay vigilant with our work while I get acquainted with my guest. If I haven’t returned, you may all leave at normal time. Send him in.:

&... Of course. *says nothing more as she looks at the blond behind, giving him an affirmative nod before passing him, leaving the area*&

:*rolls his eyes at the formality, but he can’t deny finding the voice of his new ‘owner’ inside to be not one he expected* *enters the room, not bothering to close the door behind him, and he’s exposed to a simple, but obviously technologically advanced room of screens, and it seems strange paired with the many toys littering the floor, something that seems rather odd* ‘Is there a fucking kid around here?’ *says nothing for the moment as he searches for a person, to which he’s ineffective* ... Hello? *once he speaks, his voice comes out rude and biting, irritated from having to wait*:

;*as soon as he hears a thick, low voice boom through the room, he can’t help the tiny, amused smile to purse on his lips* *despite the misery of having to actually speak and dwell with another human, he reminds himself that it’s only temporary, and so he turns his chair around* *a little surprised when he gets the first glimpse of his ‘bride’ in person, the larger body being bigger and- meaner than what he expected from the photos* .. You can speak English? I assumed from our strictly Russian conversations that you couldn’t;

:*as the other turns around, he finds himself surprised over his strange, almost ethereal appearance, as though he’s never seen the light of day, but he doesn’t say anything about it, instead observing him with intrigue - after all, this seems easy to overpower, if it has to come to that* .. Yes. I assume you were using a translator. *once he speaks a full sentence, his thick, Russian accent is much more obvious*:

:You assume wrong, but either way it’s fine. *gestures him to come forward, as he’s obviously not going to come to him* *large, grey eyes observe his every detail, making sure it’s exactly what he wants, and what could make his father the angriest* .. Mihael, then? Welcome to America. *curls his hair as he speaks in a fluid, soft tone* I am Near, your new spouse.:

:*absolutely detests being commanded to do something, by anyone, and while he sneers, he uses it as an excuse to walk around the observe the room - though there’s not much to see of content* .. Spouse. *quietly spits out the word, it sounding strange coming from the other* You don’t seem like one for spouse. *once he grows bored with the room, his glare turns sharply towards Near* .. Where is my room? My shit is waiting outside.:

:*intrigued by his very sour attitude, clearly this not being an ideal situation for the other, but the anger will work in his favor later* No need to worry about that, I have someone taking care of your bags. *as he speaks, he slinks out of the chair and lands beside a pile of toys, occupying his hands with a set of trains* As I told you in our conditions, your desires will be taken care of during the duration of our- matrimony.:

:Those are yours? *can’t help the comment, spoken in Russian from surprise, and then he registers what he has to say after* .. Well, now you have me curious. *slinks into one of the chairs, crossing one leg over the other as he carefully forms his English, figuring they can at least conversate until he’s ‘allowed’ to leave to wherever he’s staying* I’m hardly your ‘type’. What are you doing?:

:I believe I could ask you the same thing, but I believe that’ll add detail that we aren’t quite up to discussing, hm? *offers him one of his trains with a small tilt of his head* Perhaps I just like the ‘rough around the edges’ type.:

:*the train held towards him takes him off guard, his eyes widening a fraction of an inch before immediately being replaced with a stern glare, rejecting the offer* Whatever floats your boat. *says only that, crossing his arms and continuing to watch him* ... How old are you anyway? Are ‘older men’ also in your list of requirements?:

:*isn’t offended by the other’s choice to not take his train, seeing it as more fun for him* *casually rolls them on the floor before the question comes up, bringing his attention to him once more with a small twitch of his eyebrow* I’m almost twenty-three, you aren’t old enough to be considered such.:

:*obviously meant for it to be more insulting, and so he’s disappointed when it doesn’t ignite aggravation in the other* ... Fine. I’m getting bored. *figures he may get the most out of this annoying experience, adding on* And I’m starving.:

:-? *despite knowing very few things on how marriages and relationships in general works, he feels surprised by how casual this other male is, the lack of formality seeming off* *decides not to focus on it, seeing as the other may be using it as a coping mechanism to the rather restricting situation* I have my own kitchen staff. They’ll make anything you’d like, you just need to call them. *gestures to the phone in the corner* *starts to stand up, walking over to a laptop sitting by the chair he was previously in* I have some work to do either way. :

: - You still haven’t told me where I’m actually staying. *to be honest, he feels somewhat already exhausted due to the jetlag from the flight, but he doesn’t want that to affect his plans of escape, already figuring he could at least get out by morning if everything goes well* *looks at the paperwork sitting upon Near’s desk, noticing it’s mostly pages largely filled with text, but there’s the hint of photographs peaking out from underneath* ... What do you do for a living, anyway?:

:You’ll be staying here, of course. *responds to his first question first, while simultaneously grabbing the files out of view, placing them by his side* I’m the CEO of a private company allied with the government. That’s already too much information, even for my wife.:

: - Wife? *spits the word out, irritation suddenly wracking his composure* *stares hard at the other with piercing eyes, not letting this conversation be done quite yet* - Let’s get one thing clear. You may have bought me, but that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to fucking demean me. Call me that one more time, and I promise you’ll regret it.:

:- Demean you? *looks up at him with wide eyes, his eyebrow up in confusion* It wasn’t meant to do such things, I was only using common terminology. There’s no need to be violent.:

:Call me your spouse. Husband. *the latter sounds far too endearing, and he refuses to break eye contact - though, staring at Near proves to be more intimidating than he anticipated* … Don’t call me wife. Mail order bride doesn't mean you have to call me such.:

:*folds his laptop screen over, suddenly amused by the other’s demanding nature over something so minimal* If that’s what truly matters, then I’ll only use those two terms. *pauses for a moment, looking around the room as another matter comes up* Though I must admit, we’ve only met in person for a short time, but you haven’t bought the feeling of someone grateful to be here.:

:What exactly did you expect ordering through bride service? Perfect little housewife? *adds mockingly, nearly rolling his eyes* If you wanted someone sweet and overly loving, you should have chosen someone else over me. Maybe female. *glances towards him, adding on with a blaming tone* You interviewed me.:

:*purely interested in his response, and knows that it does hold some truth, but some parts are off* I don’t believe that females are the only gender to allow sweet and loving behaviour, it’s more of a person’s personality. *opens the laptop once more, knowing that he has to try and focus on work despite his new distraction* But I’ll forgive the comment considering where you come from. :

:I meant you’d have better luck. Most females I’ve met there - especially in bride ordering service - would have been crying at your feet by this point. *arches an eyebrow, growing a little frustrated that Near seems to be too distracted by his work or whatever to actually partake in this conversation completely* But whatever. You made your decision, and now I’m here. ‘Not for long, but whatever.’:

:I suppose you’re right. *starting to get back into the swing of his work ethic, already compiling a few papers around him* This is a new adjustment for both of us, I’m sure. So I’m sure you’d like to take some time to yourself to get acquainted to your new situation. Everything but the floor below me is open to your disposal. *glances up to him from the top of his screen* Why don’t we convene later tonight? We can discuss more about- our future, then.:

: - Our future? *can’t help but to roll his eyes then, internally amused over knowing this is only going to last barely a day, and he idly wonders what this creep will do then - probably buy another* Right. *stands on his feet, stripping himself of his jacket and tossing it on the chair, deciding he can at least wander the strange place around until then, and he doesn’t bother telling Near this until he’s already leaving*:

:*doesn’t notice that his new ‘guest’ is gone until almost an hour later when he leans over to grab a toy for a brief break, and no one but him was in the room* *sees no problem with this, as he prefers to not be around him for more than he has to be* *plans on relaxing for the short breaks he’s allowed himself, propping himself on the chair* *but by some chance he looks over to his opposite side, noticing something peeking from Mihael’s pocket* ... *isn’t one to pry when it isn’t necessary, but he can’t help but want to know more about his ‘spouse’, even if it’s by something such as a discarded piece of paper* *reaches over to grab only the paper, making sure to not show he was in his property, and once he has it, he unravels the paper* *at first he expected something simple, a receipt or even a piece of literature, but upon scanning the note entirely in Russian, his gaze suddenly goes more cautious* ...

‘Михаэл,

Они хотят, чтобы кровь, выйти прямо сейчас.’

:*without a second thought, the alarming message has him discarding any of his previous work to devote himself to a new mission entirely* *suspicion raises more than it has before, and with a few minutes of searching he realizes why* Dammit.. *chides himself on being so foolish as to not assume someone like Mihael wouldn’t have a past to cover up, something he easily found in abundance, down to his real surname* *realizes along with his presentation early that his ‘spouse’ planned to use him just like he had planned, and while that in itself leaves him the inability to get angry, there isn’t a chance he’ll let him leave a moment before his use is exhausted* *sits back in his chair, mind churning out his next plan of action as he waits for the other to return* ...:

:*upon having spent the time exploring a good portion of two floors, nothing had piqued his interest - that is, nothing except the small library he found, which contrasted starkly against the otherwise cold atmosphere he’s found so far, seemingly out of place* *had remained there for nearly two hours, spending his time observing the titles of the random collection of books, until his stomach grumbles in complaint from not having eaten much throughout the past few days, considering he’d been far too busy trying to get out of the country without too much trouble* *figures he has the evening to spend time reading, glad this experience won’t be too miserable until he escapes, and so he finds himself back in the small room he left Near in*

*wordlessly pushes open the door, not bothering to look towards the smaller male as he makes his way to the phone Near motioned towards earlier, leaning back against the wall next to it as he makes to grab the receiver, not at all noticing Near’s strange demeanor - nor his discarded coat*:

:*as the other walks in he is already back to working as normal, having no need to waste any other time as he’s already gotten what he’s needed on the particular male* *his attention does glance up at the other as he goes to the phone, and while his attitude towards the other is internally bitter, he is easy to keep a normal appearance* If you plan on ordering something, tell the chef I want my usual meal.:

:I’m not your maid. *spits out quietly, holding the phone up, the dial tone immediately reaching his ears* *almost immediately, there’s an answer on the other end, and after a moment he’s successful with ordering something large and chocolatey and briefly mentioning Near’s order at the end* There.:

:Thank you for your extreme efforts. *he says rather curtly, of course finding his attitude less tolerable, but he keeps to his normal behaviour* They are normally very quick, so feel free to rest until then. *offers him the empty chair beside him, thinking it’s no better time to begin breaking him* Why don’t you tell me about your life in Russia.:

:Is that something you’re really interested in? *despite not wanting to sit down, out of spite, he feels tired from standing, and so he reaches the chair he had been sitting in earlier, lifting his jacket up and shoving it on the table to make room* *decides to entertain him, thinking perhaps this is only stemmed from guilt rather than actual interest, to which he thinks a brief, though false description could alleviate* .. I lived north of St. Petersburg and worked as writer. I became involved with the company you ‘bought me from’ - *hates saying those words* - when my writing career wasn’t working, three years ago.:

:*wants to immediately roll his eyes at every piece of his ‘story’, knowing full well it isn’t true, or why he could have thought of something more believable* It must have been hard to wait for someone to buy you for three long years. How did you survive until I requested you? *his eyebrow goes up* Prostitution?:

:*the fact that Near thinks his presence is so necessary to Mello’s survival twists his stomach uncomfortably - and though it is due to Near that he was able to make it out of the country so quickly, it’s still damaging to his pride* - Yes. Do you find issue with that?:

:Not at all. *says easily, especially due to the fact that it most likely isn’t true* I’m rather happy to know that I’ve helped you leave such a harsh position. *tilts his head a bit, his tone going a little more knowing* I’m sure it’s not hard to make enemies in such a line of work.:

:Hardly. *scoffs, as though it’s ridiculous - however, he can’t help thoughts of the mafia run through his mind, but he knows he’s now a needle in a haystack by this point, and so he’s no longer all that worried* What about you, ‘government CEO’? Surely you have some enemies.:

:*finds that somewhat amusing, as the other has no idea how many people want his head, but he only offers him a small shrug, idly reaching for a set of dice* Because of my power in certain situations, it’s easier to have some attempt to take advantage of me.:

:Well, now I’m curious. Explain. *glad to have the conversation redirected from him, and he lifts his legs to rest his feet up on the desk, crossing one leg over the other as he watches Near’s actions, wondering over all his strange behavior of - playing with random things*:

:*starts setting up the small blocks, while easily speaking in a manner to entice the other into his snare* My parents were both in the same business that I am. Due to that, my small stature and my- unique interests, most people assume that I’m not meant for my job and try to use me for their own gain. But that is a mistake on their part. *continues to stack his dice until he’s finished with all of them, but almost as soon as he’s done, he flicks the top one off and it falls to the ground* I’m very intelligent. I always find out, and it never bodes well for the other party.:

:... Good for you. *says simply and unaffectedly, and though for a moment he begins to feel self-doubt over just how good of an idea this is, he realizes that’s ridiculous, and there’s no way someone like him, however intelligent he is, can figure anything out or even begin to feel suspicion in the span of less than twenty-four hours* *reaches over take some of the dice himself, idly setting up a small, uncentered tower of three* Are you trying to convince yourself of that, or are you just here to brag?:

:I’ve never found the need to showcase others of my abilities, I’m confident enough in them by my work. *decides to watch him now, his eyes never leaving any of his movements* You should be honored to have such a successful spouse.:

:I’m not going to praise you. *says simply, but sternly, and he’s silently confused over why Near had chosen him of all people to order* *upon noticing his rather uncomfortably lasting staring, he shifts uncomfortably under his gaze, grabbing a few more die* - Stop watching me.:

:Why? *asks innocuously, resting his head against the back of his hand, not listening to his request* Есть ли беспокоить вас, мужа?:

(‘Does it bother you, husband?’)

:Yes. *responds quickly, the anger in his voice quite evident* *as Near continues his staring, he responds by tearing his eyes away, focusing on the die in his hand and rolling them in his palm* *before he can respond again, there’s a knock at his door, to which he snaps his eyes in its direction* - What?:

+I - have your food, sir. *had obviously been surprised by the voice he heard instead of Near’s*+

:Bring it in, then. *he’s grateful, but he doesn’t let that show in his tone*:

+*enters the room with a small rolling cart, upon which rests two silver plates with silver lids covering the contents to keep them warm*+

:*amused by how irritated Mihael is, that being exactly what he wants, but quickly he’s distracted by the sudden entrance of his server* *watches as he sets the dishes out on the table nearby, and then he waves his hand* Thank you Alexander, that will be all. *waits until the other takes a bow and leaves before he takes the cover off of his plate, which houses a bowl of soup and mashed potatoes on the side* I hope you enjoy it. They’ve never disappointed my tastes before.:

:*after wrinkling his nose at the lunch Near has, he decides to voice his own opinion* Looks bland. *walks over to his own, lifting the cover and exposing a large assortment of four different chocolate desserts, and he chooses one to eat first, bringing it and a fork back to his seat*:

:-? *looks over at his dish as if he’s not seeing correctly, but once he’s confirmed his vision is fine, he questions the other’s sanity* It isn’t healthy to only eat sweets. Also, you’ll get fat.:

:I don't only eat sweets. It's just what I'm craving right now. *offers him only a dirty side glance before going back to his food, stabbing his fork into it and stealing a large bite all at once, the taste immediately satisfying* Am I fat now?:

:*takes a moment to observe his body, as he never has other than his clothing style, noting that he body is seemingly well taken care of* I suppose not. The sweet-tooth aside, considering your appearance and your health records, you’d be a prime subject for child rearing.:

:*the instant he hears those words, his attention snaps to the other, the sharp sting of anger beginning to rise in him - but also surprise, not able to believe the other would be so forward*, and he forgets the dessert in his hands* -I didn't come here to get pregnant.:

:*raises his eyebrow, as if what the other said was completely outlandish* I of course don’t expect something so immediately, but I’ll need to have a successor to my business. *takes a bite of his potatoes, giving him a small shrug of his shoulders* I thought the procreation process would be an obvious part of our marriage.:

((like near is just doing this to piss him off, but I’m deceased))

:Successor -? *finds the wording strange, but he supposes it’s just a trait of the English language* Even if you want ‘successor’ to - whatever you do, that wasn’t part of our agreement.:

:*his eyebrow raises, temporarily sitting down his spoon to stand up and walk out of room* *moments later he returns with a stack of paperwork, already flipped to a certain page* Yes It was. *shows him, pointing to a particular passage* Section twelve, article three, line eight.:

:What? *grabs the stack of paperwork from his hands, quickly skimming over the section and deciphering it, the main words sticking out, and despite the fact that he won’t even be here long enough for that, it still enrages him to think that the other would demand this, especially so suddenly* I don’t fucking care what this says, I’m not letting you knock me up.:

:*rolls his eyes, sitting back down in his chair* Don’t be so dramatic. It can be an artificial insemination if you so please, as I certainly have no desire to do it naturally. And you have up to two years to get used to the idea.:

:I’m not going to go through with it. *says sternly, shoving the paperwork on the desk towards him, not wanting to look at it any longer* - Whatever. It’s not happening. *remembers his dessert, slicing a bite and shoving it in his mouth* ... Is there anything else I need to know about?:

:*goes back to his own food, hiding his own amusement from the situation* Nothing that I can think of currently. You should know everything else I’ve offered. :

:I should, but apparently not. *scoffs, and as he analyzes Near, he can’t help but to notice the small, very subtle expression of amusement* .. What the fuck is that look for?:

:*surprised he was caught by the other, but he doesn’t fret as he filled something up on the soup* You’re rather skittish, I find it charming.:

:I’m not skittish. *responds immediately, finding that ridiculous, especially as no one has ever used that word to describe him* *decides to focus more on his dessert, taking another bite, and secretly, he finds this to be one of the best desserts he’s had, but he doesn’t want to admit that - more so, he doesn’t want to admit it’s made him consider taking an extra day before leaving, but that does leave him wondering what he’s going to do until then*:

:*as he no longer wants the remainder of his food, he sets the spoon with the other silverware, grabbing his laptop in exchange* Do you plan to unpack your things after your lunch?:

:You haven’t told me where I’m unpacking. Your ‘butler’ took all my shit. *at that, he feels a sudden panic, and while there’s nothing in his luggage that would incriminate him, there are a few questionable items* .. They’re not going to mess with it, are they?:

:Hm? *doesn’t looks up from his screen, but he does see an opportunity to shake him up a little bit* They will most likely scan it over to make sure nothing dangerous is inside. But I’m sure you’ll have nothing to worry about.:

:... Hm. *offers no response other than the short sound, but internally, he begins to grow worried, knowing his gun is situated in the very bottom, and he slowly swallows his food* .. I want to go ahead and unpack. Where is it?:

:Your bedroom is next to mine. It’s down the left-hand hall, fourth door on the right side. *easily spits out directions as he types, slowly, on the keyboard* Don’t touch my lego display.:

:Lego..? *mumbles, but he decides to not persist in questioning it* I’m surprised you’re giving me my own room. *stands, shoving the last bite of his dessert into his mouth before carelessly setting his dishes down on one of Near’s desk, then going over to pick up the plate holding the rest of his dishes, growing tired of hanging around the other*:

:I don’t expect you to be comfortable sleeping in the same bed as me so quickly in our marriage. *speaks as if it’s good-will on his part, but in reality the decision is to spare his own comfort* Would you like any assistance unpacking?:

:No, I’m fine. *only bothers with a short glance at the other, and already the mere sight of him has him enraged* .. I’m going to sleep. Jet lag. *offers the short explanation, beginning to head towards the exit, but his mind is centered on ensuring his things are alright*:

((what if mello’s gun is missing from his stuff))

:Sleep well, then. *offers simply, having no other response as he’s gone just as quick, leaving him alone in the living room* *glances back for a moment, wondering when he’ll be back, but until that moment he decides to focus on the work in front of him*:

:*once he reaches his room and sets the rest of the food in the small, personal fridge provided for him, he immediately sets sights on his luggage* *unzips the entire top off, shoving the whole thing open and immediately scanning for something missing* *feels around the bottom area, searching for the handle of the gun, and once he fails to feel the hard edge of it, he immediately begins to panic* No... No - *pushes the suitcase over, all of its contents falling to the floor in a scattered mess, and it only solidifies the realization* - Проклятье!:

(‘ - Dammit!’)

:*only moments in is solitude a sudden curse comes to his hears, and he almost smiles at the implications of such* *instead of waiting for the other, he closes his laptop and stands, walking down the hallway to Mihael’s room* *stands in the doorway, twirling his hair as he observe the mess* Did you forgot something back home?:

:*quickly turns at the sound of his voice, finding the smaller male standing in the doorway with an expression that can almost be described as amused* *realizes he can’t admit to having had his firearm confiscated, but he knows Near will find out eventually* ... Yes. Toothbrush. *says simply, if only to get Near off his back momentarily*:

:Well you may need one of those. I’ll attempt to find one for you. *instead of leaving he goes further into the room, towards the closet* *opens it up, walking in where there are numerous sets of hygienic goods, all the while taking in his pent-up panic* Blue or white?:

:I don’t care. *had already forgotten the excuse he gave him, and quickly he picks a color, but he’s mostly distracted in attempting to figure out some sort of scheme as he paces to get his gun back, nothing yet coming to his mind except to spend the evening searching* - Blue - Blue. That’s fine.:

:*takes the blue one out, stuffing the white toothbrush exactly where he found it* *comes back out and lays the package on his bed, sitting beside it to observe him with extreme interest* No need to worry, this toothbrush is very nice. You should be happy it was the only thing missing.:

:*for a moment, it almost sounds like Near is mocking him, to which he simply observes the other with an investigating expression, trying to find the source* .. *wonders why, even if his suspicions are true, Near is even allowing him to stay rather than becoming immediately disappointed and sending him back - after all, if he’s aware of it, he’s practically threatened his life just by showing up with it* ... Yes. *grabs the thin package, keeping his eyes on the other as he idly steps into the adjoint bathroom, setting it on the counter* .. Well? What if I need something else?:

:*when the other looks at him, he thoroughly enjoys the look of perplexity in his eyes, as that is exactly what he wants to see in the other* *stretches himself out, propping up his leg and looking into the bathroom as best he can* I am your spouse, I’ll get you whatever you need. Within reason, of course.:

:*glances through the doorway with his peripherals vision to watch Near, and while his panic has him on edge, he doesn’t want to seem affected in front of the other, so he tries his best to remain casual* .. Why are you doing this? *pretends to be preoccupied, looking through the bathroom to see what he’s been supplied with*:

:*doesn’t expect the question so suddenly after everything that just happened, but he has no issues answering as he twirls a strand of hair on his finger* The same reason everyone else does.:

:Are you lonely? *somehow, he finds that hard to believe, even though he hasn’t known Near for longer than just the afternoon* *sifts through the cabinet, finding various medicines and other bath products, and he’s surprised by the level of detail Near’s put into this*:

:-- Sometimes I can be. *lies, not wanting to tell him that he of course has no problem with being alone, as that would make it harder to explain why the other was here* It’s difficult to be in a high-up position without knowing if others are taking advantage of you.:

:Typical. *closes the cabinet, growing bored of the bathroom and venturing back into the bedroom, eyes scanning around before reaching Near on the bed* Why did you choose me, then? Surely you could have picked someone more - openly trustworthy.:

:*fights the urge to agree with that, clearly after everything he’s learned about the other so far, but he shakes his head* I think anyone in this position is going to take a gamble. *looks over at him not that he’s in the room, a little more blunt* Besides, there aren’t many men in the russian bride circuit.:

:And you’re strictly attracted to men? *continues wandering around the room, now looking out the view from his windows, and while he’s impressed by the sight, he can’t help the growing interest in Near, so he supposes he may as well conversate with him while he formalizes a plan to search for his missing gun*:

:I’m not sure of my sexuality. I’ve never been attracted to anyone. *speaks honestly, having no reason to lie about something of that nature, but he wonders why he bothers telling the truth to someone like him either way* But I do understand males more than females, as I know very few of them, so I felt more comfortable with a male wife.:

:’Male wife’. *scoffs at the phrase, stepping away and allowing the curtain to fall back in place, turning back to Near* I thought we agreed that proper term is husband. And what should I call you?:

:*thinks about that, but once again he shrugs his shoulders with no definite answer* I don’t have any feelings against either term, you may call me whatever you prefer.:

:Then I’ll call you wife. *hides a smile, really only saying that to stir up irritation in the other* Unless that’s too derogatory.:

:Derogatory? *obviously knows what he’s trying to do, considering how the other feels about that word in particular, but it doesn’t phase him* I find nothing wrong with it. I’ll be your wife, if that’s what you want.:

:*having failed to get a reaction out of him, he frowns, dropping the topic* You’re actually concerned in what I want?:

:Am I not supposed to care about your opinion? *his brow raises, wondering if killing him with kindness will cause in change in the other* We have a marriage with a contract, it’s true, but you’re not a slave, Mihael. From now on, you’re my partner. I will attempt my hardest at pleasing you.:

:From what I’ve heard from our industry in Russia, most of them experience otherwise. *is speaking truthfully, having had a few conversations with the organization there before committing to this* So, why? You think if you do everything under sun for me, I can cure your ‘loneliness’?:

:- Maybe it won’t. *speaks slowly, trying to figure out a way of speaking that will capture him, even with no truth behind it* But even with little option, something drew me to you. The chance could be slim, but this unlikely beginning could mean something fulfilling for both of us. *slowly twirls his hair in small loops, a serious yet soft expression on his face* Perhaps one day we may- really love each other.:

(foreshadowing)

:*the words catch him off-guard, and he wonders if there is more to Near than he initially thought* *knows what he suggests is impossible, especially considering he doesn’t plan on knowing Near for very long, but something in his aura almost draws him in - the sensitivity, or innocence maybe* ... That’s a bit optimistic, don’t you think?:

:*doesn’t answer at first, actually surprised by what he said and how easily it was to say it, but he quickly goes out of his head to respond* As I said, it’s a small chance, but a chance nonetheless. At the very least I could see being content with you.:

:Are you a romantic? *asks mostly out of curiosity, and he steps forward, moving to sit on the bed next to him, facing him and holding his chin up, an elbow resting on his bent leg*:

((btw i have no idea where this conversation is headed, i guess it’s just an opportunity for them to ‘get to know each other’, idk))

((lit))

:No, I can’t say I am. *speaks almost instantly, knowing he has no affinity for romance whatsoever* Along with the attraction, I’ve never been around many people to be romantically inclined. I’ve only kissed one person and that was just to satisfy my own curiosity of the action.:

((ok))

:Or is that the reason you purchased me? *hopes the comment will make the other uncomfortable - anything to remove that strange composure he has* Am I just a high-end, personal prostitute?:

:*almost wants to roll his eyes at such an accusation, but he decides to use that moment to look over Mello more closely* As you’ll recall, I made no requirement for physical intimacy in our contract. I don’t have a need for it, unlike you from what I saw in your demands.:

:*rolls his eyes, recalling having only put that because he thought it would attract more ‘buyers’ more quickly* ... So? You’re going to give up what makes you comfortable just to give me what I want? Like you said? - You realize you don’t have to give up your comfort just to keep someone around.:

:I never said it made me uncomfortable. *suddenly looks away from the other, wondering what else he should say to keep the other’s attention* *decides to just go for it, knowing it won’t ever make it to this point either way* I didn’t purchase you for this purpose, perhaps you’ll be the one to help me gain- experience in the matter.:

:*frowns, seeing now that nothing he does is invoking any sort of reaction - after all, if he can at least remain on Near’s bad side, then the likelihood he’ll go looking for him once he’s gone would be rather minimal* .. Well, that’s ridiculous. What else are you willing to do for me?:

:Do? *looks back at him with a bit of confusion, wondering why he’s suddenly getting spoiled* I already told you, if you want something then just ask for it. What else do you want?:

:I didn’t have anything in mind - I was only pointing out that you’re a little too charitable. *his eyebrows furrow as he inspects Near, truly trying to get an understanding of his personality, but he’s finding it rather difficult* .. What are you relationships with your - whatever, employees, however you call them? Do you let them push you over?:

:Of course not. My employees put me in high regard. *truthfully offers, knowing just how much they do for him without a single complaint* I’m only charitable to you because of our delicate position. *gives him a knowing look* If you betray my trust or take advantage of my hospitality, that won’t last.:

:Oh? *the idea that completely-unintimidating Near could turn hostile is almost amusing, and he truly doubts it* Well, like how? What are you going to do to me?:

:*sees the doubt in his eyes, and of everything he’s tried, that irritates him the most* It’s not what I’ll do to you. It’s what you’ll do to yourself. It’s only fair that one is their own undoing, I just so happen to take advantage of that.:

((maybe that can like strike a chord in him and he’ll want to start his escape))

:Hm. *seeing no real threat here, he lays back against the bed with one foot on the bed, a quiet yawn slipping past his lips* - I’m fucking exhausted. Jetlag. *offers the brief reminder* I’m going to sleep for a while.:

:Ah, yes, I understand. *takes that note to stand up from the bed, starting to leave his room before he add one final thing* I’ll be working for a little while before taking my own leave for bed. If you’re not awake beforehand, I’ll see you in the morning. *gives him one last look as he walks through the door, taking grasp of the handle* Goodnight, Mihael.:

:*nods in understanding, the situation working out far better for him than he imagined* *watches as Near leaves, giving him a curt nod in response, his tone detached* Yeah, you too. Goodnight.:

:*once he’s absolutely certain Near won’t be returning, especially now that it’s nearing midnight, he’s managed to descend to one of the floors Near demanded he not enter, having spent the last while searching around for anything useful* *upon only finding some stray cash, which he’s stuck in his suitcase, he’s beginning to lose hope on finding his gun, but he isn’t too upset over such misfortune, considering it won’t be too difficult to find another one, especially in a city as large as this* *deciding it’s grown far too late anyway, he begins back into the darkened hallway, in search for the stairs with the suitcase quietly rolling behind him* ....:

*suddenly, lights fill the hall, illuminating the entire area, including a tall blond woman standing right in front of the door to the stairs*

&*looks incredibly displeased as she stares down the male, her arms crossed against her chest in a no-nonsense stance* Right on time.&

:*the moment the lights flicker on and he detects the tall female in front of him, he immediately jerks backwards, his skin jumping away from him* - What the - Who the fuck are you?! *his voice comes out as a yell, immediately defensive*:

&*looks even more perturbed by the loud voice, rolling her eyes and standing up straight* That doesn't matter. All you need to know is I’ll be taking you back where you belong. *walks closer to him, her eyes daring him to retort*&

: - You can't tell me what to do, woman. *despite his confident voice, he takes half a step back, eyes sharpened into a glare* Now let me be, or I'll need to use physical force.:

&*stops for a moment, wondering if he’s actually serious, but she quickly starts for him* You’re trying to run away from your obligations. I normally wouldn't care, as I don't trust you- for obvious reasons. But because your obligations are to my boss, I’m going to put you back where you belong. *rolls up her sleeves, her eyebrow going up* You have one more chance to do as I say before I use force.&

:Why are you doing this? *frowns, crossing his arms and staring upwards towards her* This has nothing to do with you. It isn't as if your boss directly asked you to keep me here, so why don't you just go on your merry way? *waves her off with a single hand, before grasping the top handle of his suitcase to lift it, pushing past her and heading directly towards the stairs*:

&*as soon as he attempts to push past her, all she does is give a small sigh* *instantly, with a surprising quickness, she turns around, grabbing his wrist with precision and mercilessly twisting his arm behind his back, yanking him backward* *pulling out a pair of handcuffs from her belt, she grabs his other arm and binds them together* I gave you fair warning.&

:What the - *the shock of having been captured is evident in his expression, not having thought she would actually keep her word* - Release me!! *demands, attempting to jerk away* Idiot, let me go!:

&*takes hold of the metal chain of the handcuffs, her free hand grasping the suitcase he was carrying around* *shoves him in the direction he came from, toward the elevator, as she surely isn't going to handle him up the stairs* Everytime you move It’ll only hurt more. You’ll be back soon.&

:*amongst a dimly-lit room he sits perched in his normal chair, tired from the disturbance of his sleep cycle, and yet eager* *as soon as he awoke he checked the other’s bedroom, and as he predicted the other was gone, so he knew it was only a matter of time* *lazily scooted a pair of cars around of the table beside him, his eyes watching the door*:

&*after struggling with the other up several floors, she finally managed to get Mello back to his home, knocking twice before letting herself in and dragging the other* *huffs, dropping the suitcase right inside the door* Here he is, Near. He was a hassle like you said, but he didn't make it far.&

:*his eyes light up at the sight of them, amused beyond belief* Good work, Halle.:

:*once he's finally released from Halle, he only shoots her a dirty glance before rubbing his wrists carefully, obviously none-too-pleased with the situation - especially now that Near’s aware of it* *suddenly turns in her direction, spitting out* Why don't you go ahead and get the fuck out? You've caused enough trouble.:

&*her brow goes up at him, scoffing gently before he glances at Near* You’re sure about this, Near? I can put him in a cell if you prefer.&

:*actually thinks about that for a moment, but he decides against it, giving her a small wave* I’ll be fine, Halle. You may leave.:

&*gives him a small hesitant nod, taking her leave, but not before shooting Mello a daring look*&

:*waits until she’s gone before he gaze goes toward Mello, and instead of angry, he looks smug* I'm having an odd sense of déjà vu. Aren't you?:

:Fuck off. *immediately retorts, his voice thick with venomous rage, and he feels ridiculous for feeling like a child caught by their parents doing something wrong* Well, go ahead. Aren't you going to question me? Or can I leave now?:

:Question you? *asks languidly, pushing a car still in his hand as he speaks* I don't need to question anything, hence why my subordinate was waiting for you at the stairs.:

:*that catches his attention, and a short pause passes as he watches the other, trying to identify what's going though his head - but, as usual, he's having difficulty reading him* ... How did you know?:

:*moves the car about a little more before he becomes bored of it, letting it wander off the edge of the table to crash on the ground* Они хотят, чтобы кровь, выйти прямо сейчас.:

:*is confused for a moment, before the realization of his words dawn on him, and his pupils shrink, unable to believe he had been so stupid as to leave something like that in his pocket - and now, he realizes why something about the way Near’s spoken to him all day has felt so off, like he knew something he didn't* ... Как ты смеешь пройти через мое дерьмо.:

(‘How dare you go through my shit.’)

:How dare I? *he responds, his expression going up slightly in disbelief* I never meant to find that letter, it just so happened to fall out. *his voice grows sharp* But I am glad I did. If I hadn’t, I wouldn't have been able to realize my spouse was using me to get inside America to escape his troubled past.:

:So, what? What are you going to do about it? *decides there's no point in hiding it any longer* Send me back? Or turn me into the police? *the corner of his lip turns up* You can't do either.:

:*actually seems shocked for a moment, but it quickly melts back into the bored expression, not wanting to keep up a lie* Don’t you think it’s strange for a CEO to have their subordinate wait well after midnight to capture someone? Do you truly believe I’m simply an overseer of a company? *shifts back in his chair, simply twirling his hair* You underestimate me, Mihael Keehl.:

:*at that, the smile on his face is immediately wiped off, the word slipping so easily from his lips making panic rise - and he supposes perhaps he has underestimated his ‘spouse’, and he feels a new emotion resurface: anger* .. Well, then tell me. Are you some sort of CIA agent?:

:You shouldn't concern yourself with specifics, all you need to know is that I have all the information I need to make sure your life is very miserable from now until the day you die. You’ll wish you would have faced the Russian mafia, as their fate for you would have been much more simple. *speaks without an ounce of hesitation, his brows even furrowing together for a brief moment, but suddenly they go lax* ...Unless, you cooperate.:

:... *mulls the words over, staring hard at him during a quiet moment, as though silently questioning his ability to actually make his life as miserable as he claims* ... Cooperate how?:

:You need to continue being my spouse until I no longer require it. *says simply, cutting any of the pretenses for the sake of understanding* I didn’t purchase you because I was ‘lonely’, I bought you to get back at my father. He thinks my life is meaningless without being married, which is where you come to play. When my parents visit again, you’ll be the worst spouse anyone could imagine, and that will drive him insane, just as I want.:

:*the true reasoning has him surprised, and it makes him feel like he’s part of some immature scheme* That sounds - childish. *scoffs, unable to believe his life has been reduced to this* Am I really that terrible of a candidate?:

((omg what if mello acted perfect and all nice and dressed nice when his parents came over))

:Have you not seen yourself? *he mumbles, gesturing to his outfit and also his attitude* Not to mention my father is very prim and proper, and you’re wanted from the mafia. You should lucky to have the opportunity at all without more punishment.:

:*rolls his eyes, but to be honest, he does appreciate that Near finds him unconventional, as it may be perceived as intimidating* Well, have you thought about what’ll happen after you’ve shown me off and had your fun?:

:*stares at him for a moment, wondering what he should do, as it’s a tough situation either way* I’ve considered letting you go free without consequences, but that will depend on if you try and leave again.:

:What, you’re saying if I ‘behave’, you'll just let me go? Without issue? *contemplates that, it sounding not too bad of an idea* … When are they coming?:

:One month. *says simply, wishing himself it were sooner, but he has no choice in the matter*:

: - One month? They can't come any sooner than that? *frowns, not particularly wanting to - or thinking he can withstand Near for an entire month* - And what am I supposed to do? Remain cooped up in here whole time?:

:They live in another country and have demanding jobs, it’s difficult for them to come here unless it's business related. *knows plenty from his own experience, but the second question has him paused with thought* I’ll allow you to leave, I couldn't expect you to stay here all day. But I’ll have to take precautions. *speaking more to himself before an idea comes, and he suddenly his eyes go to him* If you want to go out you’ll wear a tracker.:

: - Tracker? *his frown deepens, and he makes a sound of discontent, now pacing across the room* I’m not allowing myself to be tracked for an entire month. That's ridiculous. *suddenly whips around to face Near, his eyes dark as he stands just a couple feet away* Isn't it enough to know you have the manpower to find me already without one?:

:I have the chance but that doesn't mean I want to have it be done whenever I fear you're going to try and leave. *retorts easily enough, knowing his team is needed more for their daily operations* You either wear the tracker or you don't go out at all. I won't be watching you, I’ll even give you money to do whatever you like, but I demand the tracker.:

:*at the guarantee he won't be watched and he’ll still be allowed to do as he pleases, he still has second thoughts, but decides that he can play this by ear and doesn't need to formulate a plan to leave immediately* … Fine. I’ll wear tracker, if you keep to your word.:

((What's your plan of action after this btw))

:*satisfied that he isn't fighting any further, hoping this will actually go in his favor without any more hitches in the plan* *starts to stand up, a small yawn slipping from him* Then take your things back to your room and unpack. This month will go smoothly as long as we cooperate with each other. Then our lives will go back to normal.:

:Fine. *responds firmly, having nothing more to say for now, and so he goes over to lift the handle of his suitcase, beginning towards the exit* .. I expect my gun at the end of this.:

:*stretches out his limbs, barely paying attention to Mello before the demand over his gun* *walks in the same direction, simultaneously reaching for the lights* We’ll discuss it later. For now I’m much too tired from roping in my spouse.:

:*rolls his eyes, Near’s words sounding far too over dramatic, despite the calm, detached tone of his voice* I'm going to sleep. *moves ahead and exits through the doorway, silently making it quite obvious he has no intention of continuing the conversation*:

:*watches him go quickly to his room, and he can’t help a small smile from gracing his lips* Goodnight then, Mihael. *without any more thought he goes to his own room, a small exhale coming as soon as he’s behind the door* *doesn't know how the next month will go, but as long as he and Mihael can manage to survive it, the lesson will be worth it*:

**about two weeks later**

:*has spent the last couple weeks without too much hassle, despite a few hindrances here and there, but most of those involve Near growing wary of the times he likes to wander around the city, until the complaints eventually died off* *mostly, he’s spent his time either exploring the city or working his way through reading the books the small library has to offer* *arguing with Near has happened quite often, which without fail has led to Mello either storming off angrily immediately or arguing until it does lead to that, but on occasion, he has found himself growing fond of the other’s presence, simply observing him feeling quite peaceful - but of course, those moments don’t last often before he quickly finds a distraction* *despite these odd moments, he's settled into a sort of routine, growing used to Near’s and the workers’ presence and how to navigate the floors he's allowed on*

*today has remained quite uneventful so far, and due to the pouring rain outside, he's found himself lounging comfortably in one of the chairs in his room, several books stacked next to him, one in his hand as he’s completely absorbed in its words* …:

((I figured somehow Near shows up and Mello announces he plans on going out that evening or smth))

:*after several hours of constant work, he finally sets aside his computer, knowing when he needs to take a break* *as routine for the past weeks, he immediately has the idea to visit Mello, a nickname he learned within his time here* *as he starts to get up, he wonders when it became habit to visit the other, but after so much constant time with someone after having no experience beforehand, he doesn't pay too much attention to it* *starts to move to Mello’s room, and once he gets there he doesn't bother to knock as he makes his way in, only giving him a small glance before he goes over to his unfinished castle constructed of all-white white Legos*:

:*glances upwards as he watches Near intrude without any warning, but he had been expecting him to wander in at some point or another, especially since he’s begun this large lego project right in the middle of his room* *had initially complained about it, but every time he removed it he would return to the castle even larger than before, so eventually he chalked it up to Near using this as an excuse to see him - whether out of true interest or to just watch him, he isn’t sure* .. *returns to his book, not saying anything quite yet, waiting for the other to strike up conversation if he has anything worth talking about* ...:

:*doesn’t offer any words for several minutes, mainly focusing his energy on the large castle, organizing each new structure directly beside him with quick precision* *his eyes flicker up at Mello once he realizes he isn’t going to speak first, to which he dislikes, but he manages to find something to say on his own* What are you reading? Is it the same series as before?:

:Yeah, it’s last one. *gestures the book, indicating he’s already halfway through* *returns to resting the book on his knee, turning a page as he continues reading, but after a moment, he does feel some sort of obligation to continue the conversation* .. When are you going to be done with that thing?:

:*stands on his knees momentarily, moving a small tower on top of one section on the tower, leaning back to make sure it’s looking correct before he begins on another* Perhaps tonight. Then I’d like to start on the Taj Mahal.:

:How much of your income is dedicated to this - ‘hobby’? *isn’t sure if that’s what he’d call it, as Near doesn’t seem to be particularly overjoyed when he’s playing with his toys*:

:It’s the only thing I spend my disposable income on. *responds easily, easily building up the white bricks into a shapely tower* Of course that was before you came, but I don’t have a need to spend it on anything else.:

:Hm. *doesn’t offer much of a response other than the short sound, reading through the next few paragraphs until he reaches the end of the chapter, turning the page and exposing a simple, black and white drawing depicting the beginning of another chapter* ... Speaking of which. I’m going out tonight.:

:Oh? *that catches his attention just before he’s ready to place another block, and while he’s normally used to Mello going out, he’s almost always home in the evenings* What do you plan on doing? Is there an event going on?:

:It’s the grand opening of a new club tonight - Down few blocks. *doesn’t offer much more explanation than that, mostly because he figures Near doesn’t care, but also because the majority of his focus on the book in front of him* .. I won’t be back ‘til morning.:

:-? *looks genuinely confused about what he just said, his focus temporarily lost from the lego structure* Until morning? There’s no possible need to stay at a ‘club’ until that hour. *frowns, looking immediately skeptical* I thought we have moved past the petty tricks to leave.:

:*peers over the top of his book with an arched eyebrow, not having thought Near to be this dull* I’m going to find someone to hook up with. I passed by yesterday, and few of workers seemed - appealing. *nearly laughs, finding the other’s innocence - or more so lack of experience - amusing* I didn’t think I’d have to spell that out.:

:*at first he seems just as confused as when the conversation began, but as he puts everything together it begins to make sense, and his frown deepens* *for the first time in a very long time, he is impulsive with his words, not taking the time to thinking logically before he speaks quickly and with a sharp point* No, you can’t do that. I don’t want you to.:

:*the sudden small outburst takes him by surprise, and he can definitely hear the rushed impulsivity underlying his tone* - What? Why? *finds himself asking that, out of curiosity to hear his reasoning rather than agreeing to not go*:

:- I just don’t like it. *says stubbornly, yet again before he actually knows the reason himself* I can’t trust that whoever you would- be intimate with, wouldn’t having something potentially dangerous that you could transmit back to me. *internally he feels something else, something other than concern for his well-being, but he quickly buries that by distracting himself with the blocks once more* There are plenty of things that could go wrong, so I’m not allowing you. :

:That's ridiculous. This is condition you agreed to, in our contract. *raises an eyebrow, wondering how Near could so easily forget that - but more so, he wonders why he's having such an issue with this, as the excuse he gave was a little pathetic* You don't have opinion in this matter. If it bothered you, you should have said so when I was back in Russia.:

:*wants to counter that, but unfortunately he knows that he did agree to that in their terms, thinking it would never actually come up with their time together* That is only when you’re not being satisfied. *bites the inside of his lip, wondering what he can do to make sure he gets what he wants, but he only sees one option* -- but you can do it with me.:

:*his response has him immediately taken off guard, and he can't help but forcibly hold back a laugh, believing this directly contradicts what Near shared with him just a few weeks ago* I thought you weren't ‘lonely’.:

:I don't need to be lonely to be-- intimate. *says quietly, looking in the opposite direction as he twirls his hair*:

:Then explain. *sets his book down on the armrest, growing more interested in this conversation than the plot, and his eyes focus hard on Near, scrutinizing every movement*:

:*frowns at the sight of his interrogation, giving him even more of a desire to not look in his direction, but he won't give him the satisfaction* ... I will be intimate with you so that you won’t go and be careless with a stranger. There is no other purpose behind it.:

:You're still not explaining. Why the hell do you care so much? *his frown deepens, eyes narrowing sharply* Not to mention, I wouldn't be careless. *adds on, obviously offended by the insult* I’m not an idiot.:

:*rolls his eyes at the defensive behaviour, feeling better to move the focus to him instead* I don’t necessarily trust you, but I feel like you know better to be safe. It’s others that I don’t trust. *suddenly the castle that he found such focus on is forgotten, and he decides to stand up* Am I not appealing enough to satisfy you?:

:Either I've completely misread you, or you've made complete 360 in the past twenty-four hours. *considers him, wondering how this situation came about in the first place* .. You haven't explained why you care so much. I won't be here much longer anyway.:

:*brows furrow, clearly getting frustrated that he refuses to move on like he wants* I told you, for the final time, I don't want to risk my well-being being you couldn't control yourself. Leave my decisions alone.:

:So, you're telling me you already planned to have sex with me before I left? *stands on his feet, closing the distance between them, and he looks down at the other with crossed arms, the hint of an amused smile behind his expression* Are you sure you had no other intention with your ‘Russian bride’ than to upset your father with?:

:*stares at him with an almost hateful expression, the teasing something he could obviously go without* *he scoffs, but internally he still doesn’t understand why he’d rather sacrifice himself than give him up to another* I told you, I’m not against gaining experience with you. *moves past him to sit on his bed, mocking him by crossing his own arms* I think you’re afraid of enjoying it.:

:I think you're afraid to admit you have lustful feelings. *strolls over to him, leaning over him and forcing him to lean back in return, but he simply stands there with his hands pressed flat against the bedding either side of Near* I’m guessing it's not often you let someone close to you so often. Is this what they call Stockholm syndrome?:

:*isn’t used to Mello’s close proximity, but he doesn’t want the other to be successful, so he refuses to budge any further than before* I do not have a disease. I feel nothing for you, I’m only looking out for myself.:

:You’re still not making sense. Why would you be looking out for yourself if you don't intend on being close with me? *the corner of his lip turns up into a smirk as he watches him in such close proximity* Why not let me do whatever I want and just not have sex with me?:

:It’s disgusting. *responds with a sharp eye, the smug look on his face frustrating, but he’s quickly losing his strength in his excuse* I don’t know what you did in Russia, but you need a higher sense of decency under my watch.:

:You’re still avoiding what I'm trying to say. *brings a hand upwards to push his hair to the side, detecting obvious innocence in the other, and he figures he's never done something like what he's so easily suggesting before* *immediately retracts himself, turning and walking away just a few steps* It’s a ridiculous idea in the first place. Now, let's stop entertaining it.:

:- What? *asks quietly, sitting up to watch him walk around the room* You no longer want to because I’m the only option?:

:I never wanted to because you obviously have no experience. I'm not going to let you ruin your innocence because of single fleeting thought. *returns to the chair he was previously sitting in, picking his book up and opening it to where he left off as he sits down*:

:Innocence? *mimics him with slight confusion, his eyes still trailing him even after he sits down* I am not innocent. I have an accurate idea of how sex works between two males.:

:When I say ‘innocence’, I mean your virginity. *says bluntly, settling into his seat and his reading, stretching an arm out behind him to rest behind his head, heels settling into the seat cushion as he lounges comfortably* *begins reading a few paragraphs back, focusing his attention now on the pages*:

:*before he retorts, he noticed Mello has completely become set of ignoring him, which perturbs him more than anything else* *suddenly he stands up him the bed, standing in front of him and grabbing the book away from his reach* I don’t care about trivial things like social customs. My virginity means nothing to me.:

((So what if they actually try but like somewhere along the way Near can’t do it and Mello figures that out and instead convinces him to do something like go on a date or something so he doesn’t feel bad))

((I was thinking that, lol where would they even go))

:*as his book is suddenly forced from his hands, irritation flourishes as he had only been halfway through the sentence* *a near growl slips from his teeth, and he grabs furiously for it - failing in the attempt* Give me my fucking book back -:

((idk man))

:*clutches the book close to his chest, between both arms so he can’t easily get access to it* No. Not until you take me seriously.:

:I am taking you seriously. *his expression is dark, not at all appreciating this annoying behavior from Near, and he reaches for the book, grasping its spine but not retracting it from the other’s chest* You’re acting like child. Why don’t you actually think twice about this and stop being so impulsive?:

:I am not acting impulsively. *says quickly, his stubborn attitude shining through his even tone* *the grip on the book makes him want to move closer, just to make sure they don’t harm it* I am a man of my word, so if you aren’t going to utilize someone else and you are in need, then we’ll have sex. I told you, I have no care about my virginity so let’s do it.:

:*realizes Near isn't going to back down so easily from this, his hardheadedness being an attribute he's picked up on over these past few weeks, but an idea comes to him, one he thinks might actually work* - Fine. *releases his hold on the book, instead reaching to grab him by his waist and drag him down into his lap* We’ll do this your way.:

:-? *doesn’t expect the sudden grasp, not knowing what is happening before he’s straddling Mello’s waist* *his eyes go wide momentarily, but he quickly rids himself of the expression, wanting to be nothing but calm over the situation* .. Thank you for seeing it my way.:

:*the warmth of the other on top of him feels suddenly strange, as he's seen Near almost as an untouchable entity who’d never be interested in anything that defies logic these past weeks* *doesn’t say anything about it, instead focusing on the task at hand* And you've kissed someone before?:

:*feels the same way as Mello, more focused on the strange feeling of actually touching someone so closely rather than the question* Yes, I have. *says with a moment’s delay, recalling that incident as something he didn’t dislike, but nothing he found to be particularly mind-blowing* *swallows slightly, realizing that he’s actually come down from his stubborn behaviour and is now faced with the reality of their situation* - Just do it, I’m prepared.:

:*watches him a moment longer, words seeming useless in this situation as a feeling of guilt passes over him - but he realizes he's trying to teach the other a lesson and has a plan to implement* .. *swiftly, he grasps the back of Near’s neck, drawing him down into a sudden, open-mouthed kiss, not bothering to start out slow and careful*:

((poor baby near))

((he asked for this wtf))

:-! *eyes pry shut at the sudden force of their lips together, instinctively grasping at his shoulders to keep some sort of control between them* Mm-- *struggles to keep up with movement, but he can’t deny that it’s causing some flurry of feeling in his chest, something unlike what he felt the first time he’s done this*:

:*moves their mouths together without regard, and after a few moments of practice, he deepens the kiss, curling his tongue around the other’s* *a bit taken off guard by the scorching heat, feeling a little dizzy to his surprise, despite the control he promised to maintain, and he keeps up the motions, easily continuing his control over the kiss* ….:

((bc he's a poor innocent baby that doesn't know what he wants))

:*easy feels his cheeks going red by the heat and lack of air, desperately trying to keep to Mello’s tempo while clumsily responding, completely distracted by these new feelings* -! *suddenly pulls away, as he can't bear to hold his breath any longer, panting as he stares at Mello with clouded eyes, residue from the kiss glistening over his swollen lips* ..:

:*somewhat out of breath, quiet breaths falling from his lips, and he subconsciously rubs at the back of Near’s neck where his fingers remain* *looks at him, wondering if he's had enough* - Well?:

:*despite the strange feeling grows desireable, he knows the kissing is little compared to the complete act of sex* .. *knows he can’t stop now or else he’s a failure, his eyes looking away but his body staying put* - I want to continue.:

:*surprised he hasn't already backed out, but he attributes that to his stubborn behavior* *brings him back into a dizzying kiss, as though they hadn't stopped, his other hand reaching into the other’s shirt and laying flat against his back, the warmth of his skin once again unexpected* *as the kiss progresses, his fingers curl inwards and scrape against his back, the hinting lack of control surprising even himself - but he supposes that's the angle he's going for here anyway*:

:*seems to work himself into the kiss easier the second time around, it even becoming pleasurable, unlike what he thought it would turn to be, but then the sudden scrape to his skin as him flinching forward, making a small sound of surprise against his lips* Nm-!:

:*swallows the sound, and he can't help but to gradually feel affected by the male atop him, part of him considering perhaps this isn't too bad of an idea* *the hand on his back travels upwards, nails scraping lightly against his skin, leaving behind faint red lines* … *after a moment, he pulls from the kiss, but the disconnection doesn't last long until he's pressing kisses along his jaw, down his neck, faintly tasting him* …:

((So like has Mello ever been in a relationship before in this AU))

:*barely registers the fact of Mello’s lips leaving his before he feels them gliding down against his skin, tingling sensitivity bursting with each touch* *his fingers flex and relax against his shoulders constantly, going in between enjoying the sensation and feeling overwhelmed by it* M- Mello..:

((Can Mello like pick him up and put him on the bed, that's hot))

((sure bae))

:*his hands fall to his waist but do nothing for the moment, focusing on moving the fabric of his shirt away with his nose to press sharp nips along the taut skin above his collar bone* *the sound of his name falling from Near’s lips spurs him on, and before he can help himself, he stands, lifting Near in the process and supporting him with one hand on his waist and the other arm wrapped around his hips, mouth moving to capture Near’s once more* *the movement is a little awkward at first as he tries to reach the bed blindly, but soon he feels his knees hit the edge of it, and he deposits the other down on the bedding, following him, still connected*:

:*at first he is surprised by the sudden hold to only be hoisted upward, but he goes along with it only because of their kiss distracting him* *as soon as he hits the bed, however, his eyes do come open, suddenly in a more vulnerable position than before* Mm-- *turns his head away from the kiss, looking up a him with a dazed expression* What- are you doing?:

:*as they break the kiss, he almost makes a noise of complaint, until Near actually speaks* *retracts just slightly, wondering what he means, or if he truly doesn’t know how this process works* .. Well, fucking on a chair wouldn’t exactly be comfortable.:

:*the vulgar way he describes their act has him wanting to look away, but he gives him a small nod in understanding* I see. *his hands go up to his chest, fingers ready to grasp at the top buttons of his shirt, cheeks red and eyes looking to him for guidance* Should I- remove my clothes now?:

:*the subtle actions speak loads for his inexperience, and he brings a hand to the collar of his shirt* That’s my job. *without further word, he immediately begins unbuttoning his shirt, hand moving downwards as he pops each one open, leaning to press sharp nips and kisses to his skin as it’s exposed* *all the while, he’s keeping a careful notice over Near’s reactions, waiting for a sign of discomfort* …:

:*shivers slightly at the sudden cool air moving over his exposed chest* *lays perfectly still as Mello roams over his body, making small sounds behind tightly closed lips, but he doesn't make any effort to stop him, trying to stay as confident as possible in his actions* ...:

:*once he reaches his navel, he presses kisses around it, glancing upwards towards him as he continues downwards, hooking his fingers around the elastic band of his pants and beginning to drag them down* *feels the heat radiate from his center, his other hand rubbing pressing circles on his inner thigh* … :

:*feels lost in the light touches that go down his front, almost completely immersed in the feeling- until he reaches his pants* *suddenly he flinches, and without thinking he pulls at the other, meeting him halfway to capture him in another clumsily kiss* *while he is growing to enjoy the feel, his true want is for his mouth to be distracted from whatever he planned for it previously, clearing fearful from such a drastic step* Nm..:

:*his plan is halted as Near pulls him upwards, to which he follows, easily seeing that he’s growing quite uncomfortable in the situation* *the kiss he initiates feels strangely natural, and after a moment of enjoying the pleasant, scorching feel of their lips connected, he pulls away, looking at him with uncharacteristic sympathy* … You’re uncomfortable.:

:*blinks at him once they separate, genuinely surprised that he knows that, even after how hard he’s tried* I’m not, I-- *eyes flicker down momentarily, feeling somewhat embarrassed as he knows there’s no reason to lie* .. I don’t think that I’m prepared for that.:

:You should've listened to me in the first place. *completely retracts himself, his head still spinning, but he’s slowing coming out of it* *sits down beside him, watching him, and for a moment he contemplates helping out and reaching to button his shirt back up - but somehow that is out of bounds for him, so he instead does nothing, focusing on the guilt eating uncomfortably away at him* .. It’s ridiculous to expect yourself to be ready for it. I'm assuming you haven't done shit.:

:*sits himself back further on the bed, so that he legs can cross comfortably on it* *seems to catch his gaze of his chest quickly, starting to button up his his shirt, keeping quiet as the other speaks on his experience* I already told you, I’ve only kissed before. Of course I haven't done- such things. *his voice doesn't go over a soft mumble, clearly still flustered by the events beforehand* .. But I don't want you to do those things with other people. I know you will ask why, but I truly don't know. The thought.. made me uneasy.:

:*somehow, his words feel like they’re venturing into unknown territory, as it stirs up emotions he can't remember ever having dealt with before* … We’ll talk about it. *lets the issue settle at that, looking towards the floor* .. Let me make this up to you. *his voice comes out quiet, and even he doesn't quite understand why he’s suggesting this*:

:Make it up? *looks over at him, perplexed, not seeing how Mello would have to do anything for him, as it was his decision to do this* What do you mean?:

: - I don’t know - *his voice is filled with irritation and a hint of embarrassment, his face feeling hot* .. This was obviously uncomfortable for you, so let me do it. *looks towards him, suddenly having made his decision* Let’s go out. Do something for once.:

:*the prospect of actually leaving the building has him immediately hesitant, but he sees the frustration on Mello’s face, knowing if he refuses it will break his fragile pride* .. Alright, I accept your request.:

:Fine. It’s settled. *plants his hands flat against the bedding, propelling himself upwards and going towards the closet, opening it and exposing a rather unkempt disarray of clothing* *picks out his coat, one with a hood after noting the weather, sliding it on* *as he does, a thought comes to mind, and he eyes Near peculiarly* - Do you actually own a jacket?:

:Well, yes. *says bluntly, but his expression is much more lively than it was beforehand* Just because I don't like to go outside doesn't mean I have no clothing in case it happens. I don't buy my wardrobe.:

:You hired someone to pick out your wardrobe? *asks rhetorically, mostly to himself, and he lightly shakes his head, scoffing at how ridiculous that is* *moves to find his gloves, sifting through the items until he finds them, picking them out and putting them on* Well, go get it. It's raining, and I don't need you complaining about getting soaked.:

:*only gives him a small nod before he gets up and leaves the room* *minutes pass by before he returns, but this time he’s in a large puffy jacket, looking quite unhappy* It’s too heavy.:

:*eyes him in the large jacket, noting that he looks somewhat like a round marshmallow in it* *makes a sound of discontent to cover a smile of amusement* That's probably because you never go out. You’re not used to wearing anything other than - whatever that is you wear. *approaches him, glove-covered hands reaching to zip up his coat, all the way to his neck*:

:*fulls even more constricted with the coat zipped up, but he has no verbal complaint, just the look of distaste* Even with a jacket, we’ll still get wet. Is this a trick to attempt to make me ill?:

:*reaches around him, grasping the edge of the fuzzy hood and lifting it up and over his head* It’ll help. And you won’t get sick from just being wet. *steps away, observing him* If you want overkill, just take umbrella.:

:*feels uncomfortable with the amount of things around him, but he moves out of the room, shaking his head even if it's hidden by the hood* Let’s just go. I’m sure I will survive.:

:*follows him, uncaring either way, but now he’s suddenly wondering just what it is they’re going to do, as he’s pretty sure they have almost nothing in common in terms of interests* Suit yourself.:

:*seems to be thinking the same thing as Mello as the walk through the hallway, heading towards the exit of his home* You’ve been traversing through New York enough these past few weeks. Where are your favorites places to go? Since this is your idea.:

:I’m assuming you aren't interested in going to the grand opening of that new club. *even if he was, it's still too early in the day to go, and he wracks his brain for ideas, but he realizes he doesn't actually know what Near’s interested* *thinks as he follows along beside him* .. Are you hungry?:

:*walks out of the home and immediately toward the row of elevators, where the doors open as soon as he presses the button* *as soon as the prospect of food comes about his stomach grumbles, which is expected from the energy he exerted earlier, but he pushes those thoughts away* *gives him a small nod* I could eat something, I suppose.:

:From what I've seen you eat, you only like bland food. Boring food. *steps into the elevator, already reaching to press the button to the lowest floor, doors sliding close in front of them*:

:I don’t believe my tastes are bland. *looks around the elevator, for some reason having a difficult time looking at the other within such close quarters* If you have a suggestion, we can go there.:

:Hm. *makes the short sound of acknowledgment, mentally traversing through all the places he's either seen or been to over the past few weeks* .. Fine. There’s place I've been going to for past week. We’ll go there.:

:*doesn’t bother to respond, having no opposition either way* *steps out of the elevator as soon as the doors come open, being lead into the huge, bright hallways to the entrance doors* I don’t like to walk long distances. Is it far?:

:Depends on what you consider far. You probably do more walking throughout the day. *realizes that's probably a lie, as he hardly ever sees Near move* *already reaches the entrance doors, opening them, using no further pressure on the handle as they start to open automatically, exposing the sounds of rain and bustling traffic outside* - C’mon. Let's go.:

:*as soon as they are exposed to the open world he quickly grows hesitant, the loud sounds, the rainy atmosphere, and the many people rushing about has his eyes growing wide and his feet frozen on the top step* ..:

:*is already out the door until he realizes Near isn't beside him, and he turns, seeing him still in the doorway* It’s not going to bite. *after a moment, he sees Near still isn't going along with the plan, and so he reaches out, hand extended towards him*:

((If this ain't some sparkly rainbow gay ass shit ))

:*seems to be in a daze before Mello’s voice brings him out of it, his eyes drifting down to the other's hand* -? *pauses, but he ends up taking his hand, using it to bring himself down the steps* .. Thank you. *mumbles, unconsciously sticking close to his side*:

:*retracts his hand once Near is down the steps, and he doesn't mention how close he is, figuring it's probably a rare occurrence when he actually does go outside* It’s not that bad. *mostly referring to the rain, but he’ll allow Near to interpret it however he'd like*:

:*starting to walk with a little more confidence, but his awareness has him looking around at everything, the rain barely noticed* .. So what does this restaurant offer?:

:Café. They have little bit of everything, and it's all homemade. *continues at a constant pace along the sidewalk, figuring Near won't have too much trouble keeping up with him*:

:*obviously dislikes the pace they’re going at, considering he never goes more than a few steps at all given times, and he still hasn't gained his stamina back* - Don’t you want to enjoy the sights? You’re out enough to assume that.:

:Sights? *looks towards him, not exactly understanding what he means by that* You mean tourist attractions?:

:Well, yes. *offers simply, thinking small talk will slow him down* I may not go out much, but I know New York City is a destination that everyone from around the world wants to see.:

:*does slow down slightly, but it's not conscious* How long have you lived here? Have you actually gone out sight-seeing?:

:*feels more at ease with this pace, it giving him more of a chance to keep his breath* I’ve lived here since I was eighteen, but I haven't had time or the willpower to see anything this city has to offer.:

: - What? *truly hadn't been expecting that answer, figuring even a social recluse such as Near would have at least seen the main tourist attractions at least once, if only through passing* That’s ridiculous. *continues, his tone firm and decisive* We’re going.:

((I know I haven't really done a good job at it, but I really like the idea of Mello being not perfect at English and near occasionally correcting him in conversation))

((DUDE LITERALLY SAME. I LOVE THE IDEA OF A HEAVY ACCENT MELLO, ITS SO HOT. DO IT MORE ))

:*looks up a him, confused on why not seeing sights would upset the other, but he decides that it wouldn’t be a terrible idea, if only so Mello can see them* I suppose we can go before my parents arrive.:

:Have you talked at them? *offers only a quick side glance before facing forward, it not being too difficult to move through the crowd as less people are out than usual - most likely due to the rain*:

:To. *corrects him with no hint of his internal amusement* But I haven't, they’ve been wrapped up into a large case for work.:

:To-? *cuts the word off before he can finish it, realizing what he's referring to, to which he almost inaudibly grumbles* So, they're just like you.:

:*gives him a small nod, not wanting to give him any more information other than that* But they’ll be here fairly soon. *isn’t sure how he feels about their coming, as he can’t place how it will go, but he realizes then everything will be over*:

:*the subtle fluctuation in his tone doesn't go unnoticed, and it's something he wouldn't have noticed when they first met, but these past few weeks have allowed him time to observe how the other acts* *doesn’t comment on it, instead continuing the subject, coming to a stop as they wait to cross the street* … How come you don't want to actually get married? Seems like it'll make their lives easier - Then, in turn, yours.:

:*his brow raises at such a question, not liking it one bit as he sounds similar to his father* Marriage is a social construct built on religious grounds. I care for neither. *sees the light go red and he suddenly starts to walk, but not before he sees Mello by his side* I don’t need someone to ‘grow old’ with. If I need an heir, I will find one from other means. A spouse is not necessary in my life.:

:Mm. Marriage isn't for everyone. *says simply as they cross the street, the small café in view just ahead* I sure as hell am not interested in it. But that's mostly because being with someone feels so - limiting.:

((Mello’s never liked anyone before so he don't understand))

:I expect nothing more from someone who would spend the night with a random stranger, and marry one nonetheless. *despite the words his tone is light, and not as harsh as they normally would be* Though, isn’t it more engrained in your culture to want such a life?:

:It’s also engrained in our culture to not do illegal shit. *says nothing more about the matter, not wanting to give any more information for Near to work with* *as they continue along, he decides to add on* What’s wrong with sleeping with someone?:

:*feels as though that question is too personal to answer, but he manages to put his words together in a emotionally-detached way* I don’t understand the point of having relations with someone you don’t know if there are no feelings behind it. Isn’t that the reason behind it? Other than breeding?:

:... Have you ever been attracted to someone? *looks down to him, though it’s a little difficult to do so since they’re both wearing hoods* *once he finishes speaking, he realizes they’re already at the café, and he looks into the large windows and sees it’s a little crowded, like usual, but not too bad* *immediately turns towards the entrance door, figuring Near will notice*:

:- Well, I believe it had to have been some attraction. *says so a little distracted, noticing the cafe and all the people inside of it* *stays beside Mello at all times, even growing a little too close as people get close to him*:

:*waits before answering as one of the waiters comes and directs them to a small, two-person table in the back, which he's grateful for, allowing them some privacy from the crowded room* *sits down, the waiter handing them two menus before leaving, speaking once their conversation is mostly private now* And what’s that supposed to mean?:

:*once they’re safely sat at their table, he feels more at ease, knowing that it’s unlikely to deal with any other presence other than the one that takes their food* *lazily looks down at the menu presented before him as he answers the other, his voice still solid* -The kiss I mentioned earlier was with the same person I felt attraction to, hence why it happened at all. I was young and didn’t understand my feelings.:

:.. And did you like them? At the time? *eyeing the menu as well, but to be honest, he doesn't put the energy into translating it, all of it going unnoticed as he focuses intently on the conversation at hand, a strange inkling of something foreign cropping up in him because of it*:

: I’m not sure. *answers honestly, since to this day he isn’t sure if what he felt was real or not* I had very few encounters with anyone but my mother and father that wasn’t through a speaker or screen until I met him. And at the time, he was something along the lines of a caretaker, as well as a subordinate.:

:.. So, it's because he was the first and only option in your life. *finally scans the menu, searching for something different to try than the last time he was here, though he can't help but imagine how such an encounter between Near and this man would go* ... *once he speaks again, his voice has an underlying gruffness to it* Sounds familiar. Is that why you were comfortable with kissing me?:

:No. *says quickly, with a hint of irritation behind it for him assuming such a thing* I knew this person for a year before I felt what I did. I had many long conversations with him and shared much more time with him. It wasn’t because he was my first and only option, I simply said that because I was young and inexperienced, so I can’t accurately describe my feelings.:

:*somehow, that information makes him feel worse, the strange emotion now twisting uncomfortably in his gut* .. And you’re experienced now. *says it as a statement rather than a question, doubting its truth, and he doesn't bother hiding the irritation in his voice* If you spent that much time with him, I'm surprised you aren't actually with him. What you described doesn't sound like you were confused.:

:*looks up at him from the menu, but only for enough time to give him a small glance, before it’s put back where it started* - I was together with him for a brief time.:

:Hm. *offers the seemingly disinterested sound, slouching in his seat and shoving the menu at an angle so as to avoid having Near in his peripherals* *wants to change the topic, but he can't help his growing curiosity* How did it end?:

:What I felt, or thought I felt, did not last. There’s no reason other than that. *gives him another small look, wondering what the other is thinking, or more so, why he’s telling him this to begin with* I’m not sure if I’m capable of having a relationship with someone, which brings us to this point.:

:... I see. *a short silence passes, and he sets down the menu, it serving no more purpose* *suddenly, the same waiter appears, distracting him momentarily from the conversation*:

+Hello, sir, I apologize for the wait. Are you ready to order? *smiles, pen and paper in hand*+

:Today’s special and hot chocolate. That will do. *keeps his words firm and to the point*:

+Sounds good. And you, sir? *looks towards Near, smiling expectantly*+

:*looks up at the new intruder without any emotion on his face, point to something on the menu and expecting him to see it, not offering a word*:

+*is a little put off from their strange social behavior, but he keeps on smiling* Of course. I'll be right back.+

:*watches as the man leaves, quickly returning to the conversation despite having internally told himself to just change the subject already* Why didn't you ask him to play as your fake partner? It would at least be believable then.:

:That wouldn’t work. *starts to look around the cafe, having been so quick to just be seat that he didn’t admire the pleasant atmosphere* He still works for me, and my parents know of him enough to know he’s a model citizen.:

:- Right. You want opposite. *begins to feel better from the conversation, as somehow in this situation he has a sort of upper hand, gladly leaving behind those strange emotions* - So. *leans forward, resting his crossed arms on the table, now intently watching him* What’s your.. whatever the fuck you call it - .. ‘type’, then? That's f- the first step to understanding attraction.:

((poor Mello can't sound as intimidating as he wants when he sucks at speaking))

:- Type? *that brings him back to Mello, sort of confused by the question before he deciphers the context* If I had to guess, it would be someone of high intelligence.:

:I’m talking about strictly physical. If you went to some sort of club and had to take someone home with you. *isn’t quite sure why they're discussing this in the first place, but he decides returning to this is better than the conversation before*:

:... *that causes a little more to his thought process as he tries to examine the answer as best as possible, put each late-night fantasy and the occasional secret research into account* *gives him a certain look, almost embarrassed to speak of something like this in a public place* ... It would be someone who is physically superior. Muscular isn’t a must, but a mild form is- appealing.:

:*can’t say he's too surprised, somehow expecting that - but he is surprised Near even answered at all, having thought he'd just try to change conversation rather than be so blunt* See? The point is you don't have to be married or even like someone to have sex with them.:

:I can understand what I find appealing without feeling a need to have sex. *he counters, a sudden form of suspicion growing on his part* How many people have you shared a bed with?:

:*the way he phrases that is a little confusing, but it's easy to put together via context clues* *leans against his hand, the faintest hint of a smile on his lips* Wouldn't you like to know.:

:*at that he immediately rolls his eyes, mumbling* This is why I asked, yes. *starts to twirl his hair again, moving on despite his annoying behaviour* Well, with whatever the number, you’re telling me you’ve only slept with strangers? And no one who you felt romantically?:

:Mm. *makes a sound of agreement, leaning back in his seat* I’ve been with some people, but it was only for appearance’s sake. None lasted long. *isn’t sure why he’s telling Near this, especially as any personal information gives him more to work with in figuring out just what his past consisted of, but he figures what he says is rather harmless* Romance is a distraction.:

:A distraction from what? *ask genuinely, actually not trying to pry for any other reason than to know more of what goes through his mind* You seem to be ‘out of a job’, so why not have a relationship? -After you’re free, of course.:

:.. Being with someone is hassle. It’s better to have only yourself to depend on. *says simply that, knowing the answer is vague, but even so, it’s private enough that he feels strange saying it aloud* - Besides. Most relationships today are joke.:

:*knows he’s being serious enough, but he can’t help but be amused by his grammar* You never wanted a wife before you became one? Or children?:

:*shakes his head* Why would I? *just as he finishes speaking, the waiter returns, holding a tray full of food and drinks*:

+*begins setting the plates and drinks down in front of their respective owners* There you go! Let me know if I can get anything else for you. *smiles, before departing, not staying long enough for small talk*+

:*as soon as the food is set down, his focus changes, and he suddenly realizes how hungry he is* *picks up the sandwich, situating it in his hands, eyeing the other’s bowl* - Soup? Do you ever eat meat?:

:*looks down at the bowl, carefully inspect it and its contents before he deems it acceptable, picking up his spoon and taking a small amount* Rarely, and only when I have to keep my health stable. Otherwise I find it unnecessary and gross.:

:Why not just take supplements? *brings the sandwich to his lips, taking a bite out of it - and despite the fact he usually doesn’t care for non-sweet food, it’s surprisingly good*:

:My parents are against them, they tried them when I was younger but they weren’t enough to keep me healthy. *continues eating at a decent pace, actually enjoying the taste, even if it's different than what he’s used to, but then he has a thought* - Would you like some?:

:*his immediate reaction is to say no, but somehow it doesn’t seem too harmful* *takes the spoon from Near’s hand, in turn offering him the sandwich* Try also.:

:*his nose immediately scrunches up at the thought, but the look of Mello’s face has him thinking that he has no choice unless he wants to deal with his attitude* *slowly takes the sandwich, staring at it for a solid few seconds before he takes a small bite* ... *chew it slowly, and while the taste is strange, he doesn't immediately hate it* .. It’s okay.:

:*dips the spoon into the soup, gathering some before placing it in his mouth* *swallows, somewhat liking the taste, but it isn't as good as his sandwich* Not bad. *hands him back the spoon, taking his sandwich back, but he sets it down in favor of picking up his hot chocolate, bringing the steaming mug to his lips*:

:*happily goes back to his meal, enjoying the healthy quiet that envelopes as they finish what they have in front of them* *as he takes his last bite, he decides to make another conversation once he's ready* Why do you like chocolate so much?:

:*as the minutes pass, he’s already finished his sandwich and is now focused on finishing his large hot chocolate* *a little surprised by his question* Well, more than half the population likes it too.:

:But you like it an abnormal amount. *points to his hot chocolate as an example* I never see you have a meal without it, if you have anything other than it after all.:

:Maybe you should try it. *holds out the mug to him, not even thinking twice that Near wouldn't like it*:

:*at the look of the mug he immediately turns his head, nudging it away* I don’t like sweets.:

:*with the mug held in midair, he doesn't budge, surprised at the confession* … You’re joking. *finally brings the mug back to himself, holding it to his lips and taking a long sip and downing it* *sets the empty mug down, deciding he’ll deal with that matter later* Whatever. Where now? Or are you still hungry?:

:*shakes his head, preparing himself to go back outside by zipping his coat* We should be going back. The sun is setting and I have work to do. *before he zips his coat all the way he fishes inside his shirt’s pocket, pulling out a two one hundred dollar bills and tossing it on the table* We can go now.:

:*watches as he sets the large tip on the table but doesn’t comment on it, but he does wonder if this is something Near just always does* *continues towards the exit alongside him, throwing his hood up and over his head* You’re done already?:

#mail order mello #mello #near #light #l #matt #melloxnear #lightxl #alternate universe

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