#i am so helplessly and completely smitten | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jungxk · 5 years

Text

crush

filed under. i totally forgot i wrote this. also i like the name eunmi sue me

notes. thank you to @lonelyending for reading thru this crusty story and making me feel good enough about it again to post it. also @suga-kookiemonster bc im pretty sure i sent u this like a year ago and u told me to post it it but....i forgot abt it shdgjsgd. writing/life in general has been hard recently so pls accept this kookfic to hold yous over until i update just one

genre. fluff, light comedy, light angst, smut

warnings. smut (oral sex: f receiving, penetrative unprotected sex)

length. 5.1k

the first thing jungkook thinks when he sees you is wow.

he hasn't been up for very long, and you don't even know he's looking at you through the window. yoongi-hyung has wrapped you up in his arms as you sob and sob, muted behind the protective hospital glass. even with messy hair and wet eyes he's starstruck. it's why he recoils slightly when jimin and namjoon explain to him that you're his wife.

"my," he can't even say the word. "my..."

"your wife," namjoon repeats. "you know what a wife is, right? marriage?"

"yes," jungkook huffs, digging his nails into his scalp. "i lost my memory, hyung, not my fucking brain cells."

he suddenly registers the gold band glistening on his left hand, simple and heavy. he has to take a second to collect himself. "but...but i'm twenty-three. right? i am twenty-three, yeah?"

"yeah. you are," jimin says softly.

"then how the fuck am i already married? not that i'm complaining i just," he suddenly turns pink at the thought of you in a wedding dress, clinging onto his arm, breakfast dates, late night ramen runs at the convenience store, painting the living room in a house you probably share, naked in bed on top of him. jungkook clears his throat. "it just seems a little out of character for me. i can't commit to a pair of shoes for a week let alone-"

"i think it's best if you just spoke with ____," jimin finishes before jungkook can work himself into a frenzy, a comforting hand laying on his shoulder. "you two need to talk anyway and it's best if all these answers came from her."

jungkook gulps at the thought of speaking to you, seeing you face to face. suddenly he's a cripplingly shy fourteen year old again.

"okay." he croaks. "okay."

you were even more beautiful up close.

your tear stained cheeks are glowing and blotchy when you perch on the chair beside his bed, big eyes fluttering up at him nervously. you're soft and plush and shorter than he thought and jungkook has to fist his hands in the sheets and play a counting game with the heart rate monitor in order to maintain eye contact. he feels himself start to sweat when you smile sadly at him. "sorry, i just...i don't know how to be around you normally without making you uncomfortable," you say quietly, wringing your hands together to avoid touching him.

"uncomfortable?" he queries, gaze latching onto the ring on your hand. seeing it on you gives him a nice feeling.

you nod into your lap. "yeah, um..." you look at your scuffed shoes, searching for the word. "we're usually very...touchy."

he can feel himself turning red again. "t-touchy?"

you meet his eyes and a pretty smile breaks over your face at how bashful he looks, making jungkook's cheeks tinge even pinker than they already are. you nod cutely so your earrings tinkle, eyes shining, and suddenly he understands without any context why he fell in love with you, why he married you so young. you let a comfortable silence settle over the room before taking a deep breath, bracing yourself. "how much do you remember, jungkook?"

he tries not to cave under the weight of his guilt. "not a lot about...you, that is," he finishes with a wince, your sad eyes immediately making him wilt with shame. "i remember everything up until a couple of years ago. we had a show at the japanese dome, debuted in america, and then...nothing. and now..."

"and now," you echo softly. your eyes look distant, staring at the floor.

"i'm sorry," jungkook whispers, chin touching his chest. "hyung told me...they all told me how much i loved you and...and i'm sorry i don't remember any of it. i'm so sorry."

you shake your head gently. "don't be sorry, jungkook-ah," the pet name makes his ears perk up. its a familiar, calming sound. "none of this is your fault. you didn't ask to get hit by that car." your expression turns remorseful, tugging at his heart. "if anything, this is because of me. the only reason you were out was because i asked you to go and get eggs and formula even though i should've remembered to pick some up on the way home and-"

"no, no! please don't blame yourself," jungkook tries, wishing he was close enough or even brave enough to take your hand. you look up at him and he catches a glimpse of the endless pool of love you harbour for him, like a punch to the chest. "i don't ever want you thinking this was your fault. so ple-" he pauses. "wait, formula?"

the door bursts open before he can finish, pitter patter steps rounding his bed until it reaches the other side, where you sit. a little girl with big dark eyes and curls of dark hair stares at him in wonder and elation, her cheeks dimpling just like yours before she screeches, "appa!"

jungkook's mouth goes dry. appa?

you're quick to intervene, putting yourself in the toddlers path to scoop her up in your arms. her grabby little hands struggle over your shoulder, fingers wriggling in attempt to get as close to jungkook as possible. he only stares with wide eyes and an open mouth, heart hammering in his chest when he sees the uncanny resemblances: his round nose. your brown skin but just a twinge fairer. his hooded eyes. and his stomach lurches.

"shhh, eunmi," you coo as you carry her away even with her squirming. "remember what i said before? appa is sick. appa is sick, baby-"

"we have a child?" jungkook wheezes, eyes starting to glaze over. there's a bout of silence when you look back at him guiltily, the baby's fumbling grinding to a halt when she registers the tension in the air. jungkook's breath is barely a whisper. "is that my daughter?"

your face crumples with a fresh bout of tears and eunmi looks on worriedly. she pushes her little lips into your cheek in a baby's kiss, like she's seen her father do so many times to get your attention. the word "amma," is muffled into your skin until you get yourself together and press a short kiss to her head.

yoongi rushes in, face twisted in apology. "i swear to god i turned around for one minute and-"

"it's okay, yoongi," you say quietly, stroking the baby's head. "eunmi, stay with uncle just a bit longer, okay? amma will be back in a minute..."

"appa," she whines over your shoulder, reaching for jungkook who sits helplessly in his bed. he watches with tears wetting his eyelashes, heart twisting in agony at the sight of his child he doesn't remember stretching her arms out for him. she begins to cry when he doesn't react or coo her. like he used to.

"take her, yoongi," you say shakily, passing the baby to him. the sound of eunmi's crying makes your heart shatter all over again, yoongi's quiet hushing doing nothing to qualm her sobbing as the heavy door closes behind them.

the silence that falls between the two of you is nothing short of excruciating. jungkook's head spins, completely overwhelmed: is that why you both got married so young? because of a child? was this why jimin and namjoon wouldn't say a damn thing about his life until he spoke to you first?

and then all the other questions that followed: was he a good father? when was his daughter's birthday? did she like kimchi and banana milk too? did he sing to her? read to her often?

would she ever forgive him for not being able to remember her?

"her name is eunmi," you say, looking down at the floor when jungkook starts to cry.

jungkook doesn't understand how his baby could be so pretty. she's golden brown like those sandy beaches on postcards, with chubby cheeks and twinkling dark eyes that resemble yours to a t, and that's when he realises of course she's beautiful. she's yours. you balance eunmi on your hip while you make coffee - decaf, since you're still weaning - and despite the amnesia jungkook feels like he's been here before, in this warm, happy place that is the kitchen.

"she got your nose though," you remind him, dumping the baby in his lap upon her fussing. she always seemed to wind down under his touch, and although nervous about the sudden responsibility of fatherhood, jungkook is compelled to give it. eunmi doesn't understand anything's changed so he doesn't see why he should act like it. "she's whiny before her milk too. like you."

"hey!" he retorts, but can't exactly defend himself. he twirls his fingers around her curly pigtails until she catches on and tries to stand on his thighs, reaching for his hair to yank. jungkook lets her. he's barely known his daughter a week and he's already so smitten he'd let her gut him open with a butter knife.

"she missed you, you know. when you were in hospital all this time," you say, making him look up to watch you stare into your drink. the fear still lingers in your eyes, faint and persistent. he can see it every time you look at him and it makes his body yearn to touch you like he once did, like he once would have before his brain unlearned everything his heart didn't. you laugh while watching eunmi pull his hair again, making him hiss. "even yoongi tried but no one coddles her as much as you."

"really?" he asks, face lighting up. he's so happy to hear that. jungkook hates the way the question bubbles up in the back of his throat, like it'd make a difference or it'd change how he felt. but he has to ask it. "is that why...is that why we got married so early, then?" he says, trying to sound as offhand as possible. "because of eunmi?"

you chew your lip. "yeah. i mean, you said it wasn't a big deal. because you were going to marry me eventually so it didn't make a difference, but...it doesn't really matter i guess, because that's not what everyone else thinks," you pause, tracing the rim of your mug again. "that's certainly not what your fans think."

jungkook doesn't even want to think about it. the backlash, the gossip, the name calling and dehumanisation. for the first time in his life jungkook couldn't give less of a shit about his reputation. "i'm sorry," he says, feeling like the word has lost meaning by now with how much he's said it. "i'm so sorry. not for this, for us or for eunmi. i don't regret any of that i just," he shifts the baby in his lap, still getting used to her weight. "i can only imagine what you went through."

you look a bit bewildered. "...you said that last time too." you smile again reassuringly. "please don't feel solely responsible, kook-ah. you didn't exactly get me pregnant on your own."

he flushes tomato red and you giggle at him until eunmi joins in too.

jungkook can't keep his eyes off you while you play with the baby, comb out her hair, sing her lullabies while you bathe her together. he'd always wanted a whirlwind romance as a teen and it looks like he finally got it, because he can feel himself fall head first in love with you (all over again). it didn’t make sense for someone to be so collected and easygoing after having motherhood forced onto you so abruptly. you tell him often that he's a picture-perfect dad, but jungkook still doubts he compares.

"does she need a change?" he asks, struggling to keep all of eunmi's wriggling limbs in his grip.

"nope, just hungry," you say, reaching out when he passes the baby to you. you're about to stand up and go to the guest room to feed her, but jungkook is already arranging the pillows next to him for you, grabbing a baby cloth on the side too.

"do you need another pillow?" he muses aloud, but he's already grabbing the ones on his side of the bed before you can answer, forming a wedge for you to sit nicely beside him. he looks up at you when you fail to move. "are you okay?"

"yeah i, um," you chew your lip nervously. "you don't...mind me feeding here?"

you immediately regret the question once it leaves your mouth. jungkook's crestfallen expression hits you right in the stomach, round eyes glittering up at you. he hasn't looked this upset since he woke up nearly a month ago. "why would i ever mind?”

"oh jungkook," you sniff, sitting beside him. he pulls you into the nest of pillows beside him, arm winding protectively around your shoulders. your eyes brim with sympathy tears, tired and angry and upset with treating him like a stranger.

"if i make you feel uncomfortable, i can go," he offers quietly. "if it makes you feel weird i understand..."

"no, not at all," you rush to stop him, suddenly realising how close you are. you could kiss his pink little lips if you just tilted your head up. "i just didn't want to make you feel weird. all this new stuff is happening to you, you're suddenly a husband and a father with no recollection of signing up or it and i just...i don't know how much you want to invest the second time around," you scramble to finish your sentence when he pins you with a concerned expression. “as in, i understand if you don’t want to make the same choice twice. it’s a big decision.”

he shakes his head dismissively. there wasn't a thing in the world that could make him turn his back on his family but it looked like you still needed convincing. he peers at you curiously when you position the baby. "so i can stay?"

you smile at him eagerly. "of course," you undo the nursing strap of your bra before the baby finally latches. "i actually prefer it when you're here. it makes me feel safe."

jungkook watches quietly while you hum for the baby, playing with her little hand while she drinks. the adoration seeps out of him in waves, how serene you look while you rock her, how angelic eunmi looks while she blinks her big doll eyes up at you both. she won't stay this little forever. he feels so overwhelmed by it, gathering you further in his arms with the urge to hold his family in his hands like a diamond. you don't question the little sniffles jungkook buries into your hair, resting your head on his shoulder wordlessly. you missed being held by him, missed his cotton scent and gentle breath.

"i love her so much," he whispers into the shell of your ear, entranced by the baby's little gurgles and gulps. he reaches out to run his knuckle over the velvet of her cheek, round and stuffed with milk. "i feel like i'll die, i love her so much."

"me too," you smile. "it was scary and hard for a long time but...i'm so glad we had her. i wouldn't trade her for anything."

you feel jungkook's lips trace your temple, heart stuttering upon the sudden contact. you hear what he doesn’t say: i wouldn't trade either of you.

"why are you so sweaty?" jimin scowls, noting the dark patches under jungkook's t-shirt when he tries to take the baby from his arms. "it's not even humid today."

jungkook doesn't do anything but gulp and cuddle a sleeping eunmi closer to his chest. she's become somewhat of a security blanket for him; even if she wasn't awake to play, he was always itching to hold her and nuzzle into her head when he's tense or embarrassed. like now.

"leave him alone, you know he sweats when he's shy," yoongi grins.

"stop it," jungkook mumbles.

"shy? what for?"

"because he's got a crush on his wife," namjoon snickers, knowing jungkook would whack him one if his arms weren't around his kid. "why are you looking at me like that? it's true!"

"but you can't just say it! she'll hear!" he hisses.

"you're married," jimin deadpans but it only makes the younger boy curl in on his baby more. "god, this reminds of when you two met. remember how he used to hide behind manager hyung every time ____ came in? and then i had to listen to them fuck in the next room for a year only to end up back here all over again-"

"jungkook," you call. "where did these come from?" you walk into the sitting room with a bouquet of yellow roses nestled in your arms. "did a fan send them? i didn't see a note they were just on the worktop-"

"th-those are for you," he mumbles. "i got those for you."

you look so pretty when you stare it makes him sweat harder and the three older boys all but burst a vein in their head trying not to laugh when leaving the room. there's an awkward silence where you clutch the flowers and he clutches the baby. "thank you," you say finally. "they're beautiful, i love the colour yellow..."

his big doe eyes round up to look at you even though the lower half of his face is smushed into pigtails. "you're welcome."

"can i kiss you?" you blurt out, too fast to stop it. your cheeks are still stinging and you're pretty sure you have baby powder in your hair but jungkook looks at you with awe as he nods so vigorously his earrings shake.

so you do, leaning over the arm of the sofa to press your mouth over his long enough for both your breaths to catch. you pull away, moving to sit next to him so his free arm can wind around your shoulders when you kiss him again. "please," he mumbles when you part. "please don't ask to kiss me. just do it," he leans for another long, warm kiss that leaves you light headed. "stop tip-toeing around me, okay? we're married. i know i scare easy, but not that easy."

you feel giddy, finally feeling the weight being lifted piece by piece. "okay," you peck his mole endearingly before scooting up for another kiss. "i missed this."

"me too," he hums into your mouth. "it feels like the first time but also...not the first time, you know? not just because i don't remember but like," he doesn't know how to say it, wetting his lips thoughtfully. your chapstick is cherry flavoured, his favourite. "like we've been doing this for longer than both of us even realise. longer than this life."

"i know," you nod. "i know."

after a while, you forgot about jungkook's amnesia altogether. even though the chances of him making a full recovery were slim, it all felt so normal and back to routine, all the kissing and the cuddling and the playing with eunmi. there was almost no room for trepidation anymore. until now.

you moan into jungkook's mouth when he pulls you onto his thighs, big hands palming your ass when you grind into him. he's only mildly concerned that he'll cum in his pants at this rate but he doesn't fret too much: that was secondary to undressing you and touching you and pleasing you and making you scream as loud as he could make you without waking the baby. he has nearly three years of re-learning your body to catch up on and he's eager to start.

he's quickly reminded during this process that you are a master. you know exactly where to kiss him, exactly how much pressure to kneed into his cock with your hips, exactly how much tongue he wants in his mouth until he's whining and damp for you. of course you know his body like the back of your hand - your child wasn't conceived from thin air. it makes him all the more desperate to learn, almost antsy to get his mouth and hands on you until you're writhing and breathless beneath him.

you gasp when you feel his hand slip between your legs, rubbing his fingers over your shorts. you automatically rock your covered wetness into his touch, the long whimper you muffle into his neck sending jungkook soaring through the clouds with pride. you're so lost in the feeling, having missed it so much, you're barely able to squeak a stop! when he hooks his fingers inside the waistband of your panties.

his eyes shoot open. "what's wrong?"

"j-jungkook," you shuffle in his grip, feeling so embarrassed under his scrutiny you don't know where to look. "it's not that i want you to stop but. listen, just," you cling to his shoulders, shivering when his hands drag reassuringly up to your waist. "just remember that...i've had a kid, okay? i'm not gonna look like before."

he blinks. "i don't remember what you looked like before."

"no, i mean like," you lick your lips, tasting him there. "it's still something to keep in mind. i'm not gonna be as smooth and perky in places like all those idol girls you perform next to, so just-" he watches you fumble nervously in his lap, the growing disbelief making him blink. "don't expect too much okay? things might not look the way you imagine them to and i don't want you to feel-"

"stop," he cuts off, tugging you so you're seated over his erection again. the look jungkook pins you with is so intense you can feel your pulse thrum in your ears, the harsh rise and fall of his chest making him appear that much more passionate. "this body," he slips his hands up your top, palming your skin. "made my child. i take offence to it being spoken about with anything less than admiration, even by you."

"kook-ah," you say nervously, but still let him remove your pj top over your head before you laying you under him on the bed. you don't know why your eyes suddenly prick with tears when he traces over your stretch marks and discoloured skin with his smooth lips. "this kept my daughter warm," he kisses under your navel, sliding up to your heavy breasts. he kisses each darkened nipple, swollen from the baby's mouth. "these feed her." he rises further still, before planting his mouth on your forehead in a short peck. "and this raises her. so how can i be anything but proud to touch you?"

"jungkook, stop," you sniff, tears wetting your lashes. your eyes fall shut when he wipes them away with his thumb, lips ghosting over your cheeks and nose.

"what did i say about tip-toeing around me?" he whispers, forcing you to look him in the eye. only then do you see the tears there, all the ardour and respect he holds for you pooling in those brown depths. "i'm your husband. let me be your husband."

you kiss him before you can start crying again, letting him part your mouth and taste you long and hard before finally undressing himself and slipping your shorts off. this is all a first for him, and it's been so long since you've done this it's almost like a first for you too, frantic and messy and desperate to feel jungkook lodged inside you where he belongs. you know he must share the sentiment when he splits your thighs over the narrow of his hips, hooking them there while he gets a good look of his erection rubbing through your slick.

no wonder i knocked her up, jungkook muses faintly. i don't think i can ever stop doing this.

"jungkook, please," you run a hand through his hair, grinding against his cock in encouragement but he still won't take the plunge. instead, your voice reminds him of his initial objective, causing him to saunter down between your legs faster than you can process. he's licking into you before you can have a second thought about it, mouth falling open with a loud moan when he traces around your clit in firm circles.

he has your knees over his shoulders and his arms wound around your hips so you have nowhere to go, nothing to do but buck into his attentive mouth, jungkook's groans vibrating against you until you can barely keep yourself together - he's always enjoyed this as much as you have. which is why he takes his time, explores every crevice and subsequent response, relishing in the gush of wetness when he does something right. he even goes as far as holding his tongue stagnant against your folds so you have no choice but to rub yourself into him for friction, so entranced he is by your invigorating reactions. only when you're squirming and whimpering with deliriousness does he finally give in and resume a steady pace over your swollen clit, two fingers sliding in home so you have something to come around. and you do.

messy and wet and shrieking into the pillow by your head so that you're muffled enough to not wake the baby down the hall, your orgasm drawing out longer than normal as you do your best to ride it out. jungkook carries you through it, gulping down as much of your arousal as he can manage until your hips finally drop back into the bed in post-climax exhaustion. on the contrary, the only reason he stops lapping at you is because you tug him away by the hair, bringing him up to you and between your legs again before he can do anything about it.

he splutters with a moan at the sudden contact of your wetness against his cock again, eyes fluttering shut and allowing you to bring him in, arms and legs winding securely around him so that you're flush against each other, hips rocking in tandem. jungkook is so caught up in the feeling - not the sex but the safety of being held, being connected like this - that you're the one to reach down and position his tip against your hot center, before finally running your hands down your husband's back to cup his ass and shove him into you.

jungkook gasps, breath shaking at how tight you are. you're so hot, so snug around him his eyes shut upon instinct, letting your hands guide his hips and showing him how to move in that perfect rolling motion that you're only familiar with after years of practice. and jungkook, of course, is a fast learner. it doesn't take long for him to take the reigns and fuck you just how you like it, adding in a sharp snap of his hips every now and again just to listen to you squeak in surprise. the wet sounds of your joined arousal coupled with you moaning under him is near cathartic, sending him hurtling to his finish line.

but before he can get there you shift him over, thick thighs helping you roll and pin him under you on the bed. jungkook grapples at your waist when you resume a slower but harder rock of your hips that has his length grinding against your clenching walls, his head thrown back at the intensity of it. you ride him through it, peppering the moles on his pretty neck with kisses and sucks, mouth finding his stiff little nipple to give it a swirl too. it's exactly what he needs to finish off, fingers digging into your flesh as he bucks wildly, filling you full of his seed while he calls your name. you slow to a stop when his hands finally fall limp on your thighs, his chest heaving under you and covered in sweat. you giggle. he always got so sweaty.

"you did so well, kookie," you whisper, kissing his damp neck and collar bones. his arms are suddenly around you again for comfort. "you were so good for me...always so good to me..."

"you," he croaks finally, eyes half lidded and a little delirious. "you didn't finish?"

you giggle at his genuine concern, pecking his wet lips. "i got mine, remember?"

"how many times?" jungkook is suddenly alert, tugging your wrist to get your attention before you can climb off him. his other hand is still around your middle so moving was out of the question until he allowed it. he was still inside you. "how many times do i usually make you come?"

you blink in embarrassment. you never really thought about it, let alone counted. "um...i don't know..." he waits for an answer, awfully serious about it. "a-at least two or three, i guess."

you yelp when he flips you back over, fingers immediately prying your cum soaked folds apart to nestle inside. "then don't act like we're done."

#jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jungkook au #jungkook scenario #jungkook smut #myfic #dont we all love a memory loss au

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karkatraejepsen · 3 years

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i just bought some more of the homestuck print editions and of course immediately went to check the commentary on the "i am not a homosexual" conversation and i am not disappointed

[transcript: Because of the intriguing Future John pajama panel, I’m lanching into some bigass paragraphs on storycraft. Frankly, since the last book, that’s basically what this gutter has been used for. So be it. But in doing so, I’m almost missing the chance to reflect on this really epic screed that Karkat introduces himself to John with, which, as we now know, might as well be a love letter. John says he’s not gay. I mean, sure, I guess he technically is “not a homosexual”. But aside from that, who are we trying to kid? Everything going on here is really quite spectacularly gay. All of the trolls’ involvement with the humans originates from one poorly thought-out, helplessly hate-smitten and gay overture made by a cranky teen boy. Karkat has this whole tirade bottled up inside, ready to unload, but because John is totally expecting it, and already knows Karkat well, he is able to completely disarm, flummox, and redirect all of the hostile energy. The ensuing backwards-chatting idiot spiral is a direct result of John affably and naively sabotaging Karkat’s high-strung, breathlessly romantic overture. The lesson is clear: the entire Homestuck universe turns exclusively on the axis of gay teen follies.]

#homestuck #gay teen follies really does describe just about all of homestuck huh #anyway i hate how hard it is to get a decent readable picture of the author commentary in these books

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chqrryvelvet · 4 years

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・with you (i’m complete)

“What about this one?” she asks, posing slightly in the mirror before her eyes flit to his for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last hour and a half.

His responses haven’t varied much, because in his eyes she looks stunning in every one, so he tells her something she’s already heard, “It’s nice. Suits you.”

She turns around, eyeing him with an amused smile, “You’ve said that probably twenty times now.”

Megumi rolls his eyes, hand going to rest on black shikigami’s head (who Y/n, after much thought, had unironically named Kumo), scratching behind his ear and chuckling at the satisfied noise that erupted from the dog’s throat.

“What am i supposed to say? You already look good in everything, I don’t know why you need my opinion.” he sighs, “Why not ask Kugisaki? She’s probably more qualified than me.”

“Megumi,” with her hands on her hips she leans forward as if she’s about to scold him, when in reality she’s using the heeled boots she has on to look down at him- something she normally wouldn’t be able to do given their (minimal) height difference, “I want your opinion because you’re my boyfriend. I want to know what you like.”

He raises a brow as she turns around to change again, slipping out of her dark green sweater and exchanging it for a black one, “What happened to not caring about what a man thinks?”

She pauses midfold of the sweater she was wearing before she turns to face him again, “This is a little different. For one, I actually like you. That’s all.”

Megumi sighs, coughing a little to hide the redness creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks, covering his face with his knuckles.

“Did I make you nervous?” she laughs, taking off her boots to sit next to him on the plush comforter of her bed and, as if she wasn’t already close enough, wraps her arms around his torso. She hums contentedly, “You’re so warm…”

The male next to her hums back, hand rubbing Kumo’s head before the dog disappears, other hand going to rest on Y/n’s waist as he stares at their reflections in the mirror.

“I remember I used to practice asking you out in the mirror,” his voice is a low timbre, fingertips tracing lightly against her hip as he recalls the long nights of rehearsing how to ask the h/c female out.

She waits for him to elaborate, but after about thirty seconds pass she realizes this is one of those many moments where he thinks out loud, and she looks up at him with wide eyes and a smitten smile, “Really?”

He swallows thickly and nods, eyes fixed on the mirror still as he’s deep in thought. She quirks an eyebrow before he suddenly turns his head to face her, an almost uncharacteristically soft smile on his face.

Her heart skips a beat as he continues, “Really. I was so stressed out that you wouldn’t be interested at all, felt like you were unimpressed with me,” his smile turns into a smirk, “then I realized it didn’t take a lot to impress you.”

She scoffs, rolls her eyes before lightly smacking his chest, “Rude.”

He laughs a little, a sad glint in his eyes as he continues, “I was also worried that I would end up losing you. In a way, I guess I was… scared,” he trails off, staring at the hand in his lap and clenching his fist, “I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t like the idea of not being intune with my emotions.”

She listens to him quietly, lets him be exposed in the moment because she knows he has the tendency to bottle his emotions. She also knows that Fushiguro is capable of many things.

He always did get insecure when it came to his feelings.

“It’s ok to be vulnerable sometimes, you know?” she reassures after a long, tension-filled pause, and she sits up to be eye level with him.

(For a brief moment she stares; she’s completely enamoured with the beauty that is Fushiguro Megumi, looks at him like he’s the only thing in the world…

Maybe he is.)

She continues, “I think making the realization of what scares you is a sign that you know yourself better than you think,” she smiles when he makes eye contact, hair falling over her shoulder in an unusual sense of attractiveness, “I know you trust your ability, but it’s also necessary to trust yourself.”

The h/c female worriedly frowns when he stares; not at her, though, the wall behind her maybe.

She thinks she said too much.

“Well, if I’m trusting myself,” he says after another long pause, leaning close so that their noses are almost touching as he whispers, “then I guess I should probably tell you that I liked the second outfit the most.”

Her face is red in the dimming sunlight that protrudes through the window of the small dorm, the shadows of her blinds casting onto the side of her face while she stares at him with wide e/c eyes, “You really think so?”

“Yeah,” He nods, face getting impossibly closer to her own, “It fits you.”

She bites her lip with a relieved sigh before whispering, “I’m glad.”

A split second passes, and he can hear his heartbeat in his ears before he presses his lips to her smooth ones. She tasted like the coconut drinks she always seemed to be obsessed with and he thinks he might be in the same boat if she always tasted like that.

They pull away for a bit before going in for another one, and his hand comes to cup her cheek as she tilts her head to deepen the kiss. She sighs in something that sounds like satisfaction; he drinks it up like a thirsty man in the Sahara before he’s hovering over her.

The two stay like that for a while, her hands relaxed over the other’s neck while his own rest on her waist.

“You’re so perfect,” he murmurs into her neck, feeling her chest rise and fall against his own, “I love you.”

Y/n blushes, biting her lip out of happiness, “I love you too,” her manicured nails run down the smooth skin of his cheek. She’s so helplessly in love with this boy, admires his beauty once again as she places a quick peck on his cheek.

He thinks that this is the most complete he’s ever felt when her soft voice fills the room once again.

“Happy birthday, Megumi.”

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #megumi x reader #fushiguro x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen fushiguro #happy belated birthday to the hottest man alive (for now...)#it is his week idc #i luv him yes i do #megumi imagine #fushiguro imagine #megumi fushiguro imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jjk imagines

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scilessweetheart · 3 years

Text

heart of glass

summary: stiles was less than excited about being dragged to a bar by his best friend scott mccall to see his girlfriend's band perform. he had much better things to do. Well, that was until he saw the drummer of the band, malia tate.

“I just don’t understand why I need to be here.”

The bar was loud and crowded. People were bumping into him and Scott practically the second the entered the room. It smelled strongly of sweat and alcohol. The band currently on stage, a group of guys who seemed to be a few years older than Scott and Stiles, were playing a mediocre cover of Hayloft by Mother Mother. He instinctively took a step closer to Scott.

“I want you to meet Kira!” Scott practically had to yell.

Stiles looked around uneasily. “Is this the best setting for that?”

“Well, I also wanted to see her play. I didn’t want to come alone, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.”

“I hate that metaphor.”

“If I buy you a beer, will you quit your grumbling?” Scott asked him, already heading to the bar.

Stiles trailed behind him, helplessly. “…fine.”

They luckily were able to find two empty barstools, so they didn’t have to stand the whole time. True to his word, Scott paid for both of their drinks, though Scott only got a soda. Stiles was luckily not the designated driver for the night. They were passed the cups right as the current band wrapped up their set. Not soon enough, if you asked Stiles.

A few minutes later, two girls took the stage to set up their instruments. One was tuning a guitar, while the other was adjusting the amp attached to her bass. The guitarist had strawberry blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail, while the second girl had her black hair lose.

“So Kira is the bassist?” He asked Scott.

“Yeah.”

“She’s pretty. Way out of your league.”

“I know.” Stiles couldn’t help but laugh at how completely smitten Scott looked.

The second the other two members of the band took the stage, however, any further teasing comments died in his throat. They were currently setting up the drum kit, so he assumed it was the drummer and the lead singer. The drummer was… gorgeous. She had wavy light brown hair that fell a few inches below her shoulders. She was wearing a light blue cropped tank top, with a shiny black skirt, fishnets, and platform boots. She was laughing at something the other girl was saying, and Stiles swore he forgot how to breathe.

“So… what are their names?” Stiles managed to ask Scott.

“So Kira Yukimura is the bassist, as you know. She’s my girlfriend.” Stiles laughed at Scott’s lovestruck expression before he continued. “Lydia Martin is playing the guitar, Allison Argent is the lead singer, and Malia Tate plays the drums.”

So her name was Malia. “Interesting.”

Scott rolled his eyes. “Which one?”

“What?” Stiles mocked innocent.

“Which one are you fawning over? I can see it all over your face.”

“I am not fawning over any of them.”

“Stiles.” Scott deadpans.

He sighs. “Fine. The drummer.”

“Malia?”

“Yeah.” He looked back towards the stage, wistfully.

“You should talk to her.”

Stiles’ jaw dropped. “Absolutely not!”

“I know she’s single…” Scott taunted him.

“I’d need like eight confidence shots for that. Look at her.”

Scott didn’t get a chance to respond because Allison took the mic. Her gold pants shimmered in the light, making her stand out on stage.

“Hello, everybody! Hope you all are having a good night, so far! We are Wolfsbane and we will be starting you off with a cover of Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus.”

They started playing and, in Stiles’ completely unbiased opinion, they were amazing. Allison’s voice could switch between the high notes and low notes so easily that Stiles could hardly fathom it. He obviously didn’t know much about any of the instruments, so he couldn’t comment on how the rest of the band was doing, but the song sounded incredible and he couldn’t hear any wrong notes, so he counted that as a win for them.

“They’re really good.” He told Scott.

“Yeah, they are. I haven’t really heard them play before.”

“Really? How?”

“Allison doesn’t allow significant others at band practice. Which seems unfair because she’s dating Lydia, who is also in the band, but whatever.”

He let his eyes drift to the back where Malia was set up. She was concentrated on what she was doing, obviously, but he could see the sparkle in her eyes, even from across the room. She sang back up to Allison, as did the other girls, and all three of them were great singers as well. He watched as the lights reflected off her hair and sleek outfit, giving her an angelic glow. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He also knew that Scott knew that he was staring at her.

“Scott.”

He didn’t have to look over at his best friend to know he was rolling his eyes. “I know.”

“What do I do?”

Scott just gives him a look. “You don’t want to hear what I have to say.”

“I know…” He took a sip of his drink, bitterly.

He tried to focus on the rest of the stage, as he didn’t want to be caught staring. Kira was doing a great job on the bass and was currently in the middle of what looked like a complicated verse. Her fingers flew through the chords, and her eyebrows were scrunched together in concentration. Lydia’s high ponytail swayed with each strum of her guitar. And Allison sang and danced across the stage with such confidence that it was mesmerizing. The crowd in front of them seemed to be enthralled by their performance as well.

Malia, in her brief break, tossed her drumsticks into the air and caught them with ease, before immediately returning to drumming. Stiles was so impressed that he couldn’t stop his jaw from slightly dropping in shock. She must have seen the look on his face because, much to his surprise, she grinned and winked at him.

“Holy shit.” Scott choked on his Coke.

Stiles whipped around to look at his friend. “I didn’t hallucinate that, did I?”

“I don’t think you did.”

“There’s no way that could’ve been directed at me.”

“That’s not true. You’re hot.”

“It was probably for you.”

“She knows who I am.”

Stiles looked around quickly. “No one else around us is under forty. The people our age are closer to the stage.”

Scott just stared at him. “You know what that means…”

“Oh wow.” He pushed up the sleeves of his black Henley shirt and leaned against the bar counter with a grin.

“Don’t get too cocky. You still have to actually talk to her without embarrassing yourself.” Scott pointed out.

“Hey! Let me have my moment.”

They played a few more songs, including “Heart of Glass” by Blondie and “Seashore” by the Regrettes. Stiles had to admit, he and Scott had been to a lot of big concerts, and this was easily comparable to those. And that statement didn’t even have to do with his attraction to Malia. They were just good. And Scott told him they were in negotiations with a label and close to getting a record deal, which was really exciting. They didn’t perform any original songs that night, but according to Scott, Lydia was a really talented song writer.

As the band started to move their stuff off stage, Scott stood up and downed the rest of his drink. Stiles did the same before wiping his hands nervously on his jeans. They stood there for a few minutes as Scott checked his phone, waiting to find out where they would be meeting up with Kira and the rest of the band.

“Oh! Kira just texted me. She said we can meet them in the back parking lot. They have to load up all of their equipment.”

“Sure.”

They followed Kira’s directions, which led them through a back room and out into a small parking lot. There, they saw a navy blue van with its back doors open. Allison sat in the back, while Lydia stood in front of her talking. From the looks of it, Allison had gotten cold in just her tank top and was now wearing Lydia’s leather jacker. Stiles didn’t understand how the other girl wasn’t cold in just her pink dress, but she seemed fine. Next to them, Malia tried to load some of the equipment into the van, as Kira wrapped up cords.

“Scott!” Kira called out, dropping what she was holding and running up to them.

“Kira! You did amazing!” He kissed her briefly, making her smile.

She tugged at her sleeves sheepishly. “Thanks. It was a group effort.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.” Allison chimed in from where she was sitting in the back of the van. “This is probably the best you’ve ever played.”

“Maybe you should bring Scott around more often.” Lydia winked at them.

“Anyway!” Kira blushed, before turning to face Stiles. “You must be Stiles.”

“Yeah, hi. Scott never stops talking about you, so it’s nice to officially meet you.”

“You too. And Scott never stops talking about you, either.” Kira laughed.

“I am honestly convinced Scott is dating you and not Kira.” Malia commented with a grin, twirling one of her drumsticks between her fingers.

“Nope! I’m single, that’s for sure.” He blushed and muttered to Scott under his breath. “I’m gonna die. Take me home.”

“Do you need any help loading up your equipment?” Scott asked them, completely ignoring Stiles.

“Yeah, that would be great! I mean, if you’re sure. We can do it ourselves, but it would definitely be easier if we could get help, but-”

“Kira. We’d be happy to.” Scott smiled at her, causing the other girl to relax.

“Awesome. Scott, you can help me with the amps, and Stiles, can you help Malia with her drum kit?”

“Uh… yeah! Totally!” He told her, maybe too enthusiastically based on Scott’s laugh.

Kira looked around probably for the other girl, but she wasn’t in sight. “She probably just headed inside, so if you walk fast enough you can probably catch up to her.”

He tried to move as fast as possible, without seeming too eager. He could still practically feel Scott and Kira’s eyes on him as he walked away, though. He walked through the door that he and Scott had walked through only minutes before, and he saw a flash of blue turning the corner a few steps ahead of him. He broke into a light jog and managed to catch up to her. He took a deep breath, tried to slow his heart rate, and fix his posture. He didn’t want to come off as too awkward or nervous.

“Malia, right?” He asked, walking in step beside her.

“Yep. Stiles?”

“Yeah. Kira told me you needed help moving your drum kit to the van.”

They walked back to where part of her drum set had been moved to right behind the stage to make room for the next band. There were only two drums left, so he assumed the band had helped her move some of the other parts before Scott and Stiles had met them outside. “Yeah, I do. It’s such a hassle, but it is much better than using whatever shitty set they keep here.”

“I’m sure.” She picked up the smaller of the two drums, while he picked up the other one. “You did a great job.”

“Thank you. It helped that Midnight Sky is one of my favorite songs at the moment.” She shrugged.

“It’s a great song.” He followed her away from the stage, continuing his rambling. “When did you start playing the drums?”

“When I was about eight. I liked to hit things with sticks, so my dad got me to channel it into a hobby.”

He laughed. “That’s amazing.”

“Do you do anything?” She asked, turning to look at him.

“Scott and I played lacrosse until college, but that’s pretty much it.”

Her eyes flickered between him and the drum he was holding. “No wonder you’re so strong.”

He could’ve sworn his heart stopped beating. “Oh – uh, thanks.”

She smiled at him. “Just an observation.”

Malia pushed the door open for them and they stepped back into the cold night air. Malia shivered a little but didn’t mention anything. He met Scott’s eyes from across the parking lot and he could practically read the other boy’s mind. Scott obviously desperately wanted to know if he had asked out Malia. Stiles shook his head slightly, causing Scott to roll his eyes. Stiles ignored him and continued to walk with Malia towards the back of the van. Kira was still whispering with Scott when they got there, while Lydia and Allison were already sitting in the front seats. He put his in first, before helping her lift hers into the back. Once that was done, she turned to face him.

“Well, we should get going. Thanks for your help.” She put a hand on his arm and smiled at him before climbing into the van.

“Yeah, anytime.” He gave her a small, awkward wave. “I would love to see you all play again.”

“You should definitely come to our next performance, then.”

Before he could finally work up the nerve to ask her out, Kira was taking a seat next to her, and Scott was standing next to him.

“Bye, Scott! It was nice to meet you, Stiles!” Kira gave them a small wave and pulled the doors shut. A few seconds later, they were pulling out of the parking lot.

“So, you didn’t get her number?”

“No because I’m an idiot.” He grumbled, running his hand through his hair.

Scott groaned. “Seriously? I tried so hard.”

“I know. Don’t think I didn’t notice you and Kira playing wing-man over there.”

“Stiles.” Scott raised his eyebrows, trying not to laugh.

“Yeah, I know.” He mocked back. He was well aware of how much of an idiot he was for not asking her out when he had the perfect opportunity.

“Maybe you can try again next time?”

“Maybe.”

He was broken out of his wallowing by his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out, only to see there was three texts from an unknown number. He opened it up and almost dropped his phone.

Unknown: Hey, Stiles. It’s Malia.

Unknown: Kira gave me your number.

Unknown: Would you want to go out sometime? Maybe without the rest of the band?

Stiles: I would really like that. Are you free this Friday?

Malia: It’s a date ;)

#kay writes #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #malia tate #stalia

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kaer-cuan · 4 years

Text

Higher Vampire Jaskier concept

Because I am Weak: higher vampire Jaskier but he's an absolute BABY. He's only like 50 years old and just starting out in life, just dumb as bricks, and runs into Geralt on his first real outting on the Continent and just goes for it when he sees this guy because he smells like ADVENTURE and Jaskier wants to see the world!! Thankfully Geralt is not very observant and completely misses why his new little bard friend is so weird. He's a bard! Bards are weird! He's not going to question it. He’s got better things to do, like stare into the distance and brood a bit. Jaskier loves this guy, he’s hilarious.

A few years down the line Geralt starts hearing about how there might be a vampire in Oxenfurt, but the signs only show up in winter. He only thinks about it because Jaskier goes back to winter in Oxenfurt. So he tells him to be careful, and there might be a vampire about, and Jaskier’s like “hahahah cool cool thank you BYYYYE”

Jaskier is just really bad at keeping a low profile and look!!! Blood tasty!!! It's like getting drunk!!!

Geralt does eventually figure out that it's Jaskier after getting called in to handle it and finding this idiot drinking from a very happy young man and is just like "........I don't know what I expected, also, what do you MEAN you have a group of idiot humans who think it's hot when you drink from them"

Jaskier, least subtle vampire on the Continent: I mean it seemed rude to not ask for their consent??

Geralt, screaming in the distance: THIS IS HOW YOU GET KILLED YOU DUMBASS

They talk it out and Jaskier swears up and down it’s only people who actually like it that he’s drinking from, so Geralt decides that he can live and they can still travel together, because like… Regis exists. It’s fine. It’s totally fine. On the road he does eventually get curious and after like a WEEK of taking white honey daily to make sure his blood isn't toxic very awkwardly asks him if he'll show him what the big deal is and. Well.

Turns out white honey blood is VERY TASTY. And also that geralt is a bit more of a freak than he anticipated. (Notably: Geralt absolutely gets a bit of a high off of the blood drinking and he is also a freak for biting, and Jaskier is just the most smug asshole about it.)

Life carries on and they meet Yennefer (who Jaskier likes immediately and who Geralt likes even more immediately), and they get a Ciri, and life is generally pretty okay aside from the whole Nilfgaard thing. And then there’s the hanse arc, and Jaskier meets Regis (who we’re pretending Geralt has known for a while before this for the sake of fun silliness). When Jaskier meets Regis he's immediately smitten because!!! Nice adult vampire who will teach me things and is very kind! He’s never really met another higher vampire aside from his POS bio father (don’t ask me how he was born, Jaskier just Is.) Geralt does not know how to feel about Jaskier bounding up with lots of flowers for Regis' approval. Regis does not know how to feel about having acquired a child, but he just kinda shrugs because. Well. Here it is.

Regis and Geralt are carefully not talking about their wild ass dynamic with this idiot baby vamp because it'll get weird REAL QUICK if they do

Regis is definitely not mad about having Jaskier plaster himself to him to beg for attention and stories though.

That's nice.

He can handle that.

Dettlaff has no idea what to do with Jaskier when they meet later in life, when Jaskier is the delicate age of 85 and Regis invited them to come meet the guy who brought him back to life. Regis just shrugs helplessly while Jaskier yammers on about how Dettlaff has to tell him about 300 year old chord progressions

Regis: .....do I have to give you the shovel talk

Geralt, watching Dettlaff glare at him while he pats Jaskier's head indulgently: you really, really don't

Dettlaff and Regis wind up essentially acting as co parenting divorced exes with baby Vamp Jaskier, and Geralt is frantically NOT thinking about the number of times he's fallen into bed with Regis. Yenn thinks this is the funniest thing that has ever happened in her entire life.

When Geralt gets Corvo Bianco he does it with the resigned knowledge of his damn vampiric equivalent of in-laws dropping in and out for the rest of time. Regis and Dettlaff both decide to stay in Toussaint, with things working out much better for all involved during Blood and Wine, and Jaskier pops in and out of the place wreaking havoc all the time since he’s made up with Anna Henrietta and has a sort of sister in Orianna, who’s given up the orphanage scheme and is behaving herself. Jaskier is the youngest higher vampire on the Continent so all the older bruxa have no idea whether to bow to him or pinch his cheeks and coo for the next hundred years.

Side note, Regis and Geralt have DEFINITELY given in and slept together at some point Jaskier started sleeping with Geralt and treating Regis like a father, and Jaskier thinks its very funny that they're embarrassed by it, because it's not like they're legal kin or anything.

Jaskier, sipping his coffee when they stumble into the kitchen in the morning: soooo something you want to tell me

Regis, covering his face with his hands: if I never bring up the couch incident again will you go away?

Jaskier: lmao no this is HILARIOUS

Dettalff hears about this and cackles relentlessly for weeks. Regis seriously consists moving to Kovir.

The relationships in this world could be summed up with Orianna pulling down a chart and saying "by all accounts it doesn't make any sense"

Jaskier and Geralt: live together when he's in Toussaint, technically partners

Geralt and Yenn: have a thing going, leave it undefined

Yenn and Jaskier: have a REAL good time every time they meet up and whether or not that includes sex is a mystery for the ages

Regis and Geralt: would love it if the other would stop being so fucking attractive good lord knock it off oh no we did it again

Regis and Dettlaff: big divorced spouses who inevitably call each other on their anniversary and talk about how they miss each other and wind up in a motel 6 because the sex was DEFINITELY not why they broke up energy

Lambert, poster child for personal monogamy and professional demisexual: gross

Aiden, his husband, poster child for non monogamy, who has definitely tried the White Honey thing with Jaskier since Lambert does not give a shit what he gets up to so long as he doesn’t have to hear about it: oh yeah totally lmao

Eskel "slept with a succubus after doing fisstech" Wolfschool, who has also done the White Honey thing: just ridiculous, all of them

Jaskier: I'm a goddamn adult

Dettlaff, hoisting him by his armpits with ease: baby. Tiny child. Leetle.

Jaskier: >:[

Jaskier: you should let me come on that hunt with you!

Dettlaff, doing paperwork: what did Regis say?

Jaskier: well, he said no.

Dettlaff: then why are you asking me?

Jaskier: because he's not the boss of you

Dettlaff, internally: THIS IS A TRAP

Jaskier: I'm NINETY YEARS OLD, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

Regis: oh absolutely the fuck not, this is not a good choice.

Dettlaff: he’s right, listen to your father, you tiny baby child.

Regis: your mother is right, you should listen to me.

Dettlaff: Regis ISTG, DO NOT CALL ME-

Ciri, age 12: Wow, Geralt really likes tall collars

Ciri, age 20: OH MY GOD

Detlaff, hauling Jaskier out of Beauclair to hand him off to Regis after he made Anna Henrietta mad again: Control your child, Regis.

Regis, unimpressed: When he’s in Beauclair he’s YOUR son.

Jaskier: :3c

#vinnfics #geraskier #regis/dettlaff #regis/geralt #it's fun polyamory time don't at me #hv!Jaskier

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missfangirll · 3 years

Note

if youre still up for some prompts, mayhaps platonic bonding between zhu hong and da qing, the two who are so done with everything

This was in all honesty one of the most difficult asks I ever received, so I really hope it turned out okay 😅

- - - - -

Fandom: Guardian Rating: General Relationship: Da Qing & Zhu Hong Tags: Fluff, Crack, Couples being annoying Words: 1007 Summary: Da Qing and Zhu Hong find a way to cope with the couples around them.

Read on AO3

- - - - -

Bingo!

It wasn’t even two hours into his Monday shift and Da Qing was already done. So. Done.

He kind of had adapted to the constant innuendos Zhao Yunlan flung at Shen Wei as soon as the latter entered the room. He also had started to get used to Wang Zheng and Sang Zan being disgustingly in love. (It was quite sweet actually, most of the time, given how they had started and all.)

But what had been the final nail in his coffin had been Xiao Guo, apparently flirting with Lao Chu. Flirting. With Lao Chu. Clumsy and unsure and looking like a frightened bunny all the time, but it proved alarmingly effective, judging by the smitten look on Lao Chu’s face.

Da Qing groaned. He couldn’t do this, he thought helplessly, and was just in the process of writing a sick note on his laptop, when a large mug of black coffee appeared in front of him. Looking up, he was met with a glare so dark and murderous his breath caught for a moment, until he realised it wasn’t him for a change that Zhu Hong was annoyed with.

Cautiously he took a sip of coffee. It was too hot and definitely not sweet enough, but it did wonders for his looming headache. Zhu Hong gave the happy couple a desk over another withering glare, then plopped down next to Da Qing on a free chair.

“This isn’t fair,” she complained, and Da Qing just nodded in sympathy. Zhu Hong continued in a stage whisper, her voice still loud enough to be heard by everyone in the room, “How can I be the only single person on the team?”. Saying this, she levelled a calculating gaze at Da Qing who almost choked on his coffee. “Hey now,” he coughed, “I am--”

“Oh,” she interrupted, “aren’t you and Ye-”

“Will you shut up?”, he demanded pointedly, glancing at the others, who had significantly perked up with the last sentences. “Shut up,” he repeated, more quietly. “We aren’t anything. I am single,” he said with emphasis and Zhu Hong smirked, but didn’t comment further. Instead, she reclined in her chair, observing Wang Zheng and Sang Zan over the edge of Da Qing’s laptop, like a scientist a pair of rare birds. Or a snake, he suddenly realised, and shivered involuntarily.

“You know,” she said after a while, still too loud to be considered confidentially, “I made bingo cards.” She nodded in the couple’s general direction. Da Qing frowned. “You made what?” She smirked again, not looking away from the pair who now had started to feed each other pieces of cake. “Bingo cards,” she stated. “For all the couples. If they do anything that’s on the card, you cross it out, when you have five in a row, you win. Like bingo,” she shrugged. “You want one?”

Da Qing was equal parts intrigued and horrified. “That won’t take long to complete, I suppose,” he pondered. “But yeah, give it here. Loser has to do the paperwork for the next case?” With a nod, Zhu Hong agreed.

It had even been funny at first, watching the three couples more closely, but after two days of witnessing people blow raspberries through the bullpen (Sang Zan), squeezing their significant other’s behind when walking by (Zhao Yunlan) and loudly planning their dinner together (Guo Changcheng), Da Qing was ready to start a riot. He had laughed when he saw his card, thinking he would never be able to cross out things like “wear each other’s clothes”, but then Chu Shuzhi had removed his scarf to put it around Guo Changcheng’s shoulders because the latter had started shivering, and Da Qing had almost experienced a stroke.

On Wednesday morning, Zhu Hong just smirked at him, holding up her card to show him that she was only missing one square, and Da Qing let his head fall to the desk with a dull thud. By now he even considered letting her win if that meant he didn’t have to watch people being sweet with each other all the time, but he also had a competitive streak that didn’t let him surrender that easily. He was about to say something to her, when Zhao Yunlan came barreling into the bullpen, shouting even before he had fully opened the door. “We have an emergency, move!” Everyone abandoned their desks to hastily grab their gear and follow him outside.

Against Da Qing’s expectations - born from knowing Zhao Yunlan and his usually somewhat misguided sense of urgency - the ‘emergency’ really was one, a Dixing kid whose powers had just awakened and who wasn’t able to control them yet. Hence, the first thing they saw upon arrival was a tornado of flying objects, in the eye of it a terrified looking teenager. Zhao Yunlan visibly readied himself to sprint towards the kid, when someone behind them shouted, “Ah-Lan, STOP!”

Zhao Yunlan came to a stumbling halt and turned around, a broad grin on his face. “Hei Pao Shi,” he drawled, “are you here to save me?” At that, at least three of the people present rolled their eyes, and Da Qing thought he heard Shen Wei mutter something under his breath. Before anyone could do anything stupid, Hei Pao Shi made a complicated gesture in the direction of the storm which immediately began to slow down, street signs and dustbins clattering to the ground.

Zhu Hong sidled up to Da Qing. “Bingo,” she grinned, holding up a crumpled sheet of paper. “Flirting in dangerous situations.” Da Qing groaned, but before he could reply anything, Shen Wei had stalked up to Zhao Yunlan, who was still grinning madly. Without a word, Hei Pao Shi, complete with robe, mask, and glaive, grabbed the other by his lapels and pulled him into a rough kiss.

Horrified, Da Qing and Zhu Hong looked at each other, not quite able to speak, when they heard Lin Jing mutter behind them.

“These people have no shame, really. Right in front of my crime scene.”

#镇魂 guardian #guardian #zhen hun #zhao yunlan #shen wei #da qing #zhu hong #da qing & zhu hong #my writing #guardian fic #crack

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remus-moonyylupin · 4 years

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Traitor Traitor Traitor

Remus trekked across the snowy lane, dragging his feet slightly as he went. He wasn’t entirely sure he should be going to their graves in the first place but he knew deep down he owed it to them. Before he knew it, he arrived at the quaint row their polished headstone sat in.

He looked down upon it with an empty stare. There were their names, James and Lily Potter, etched into the smooth stone. Proof they were actually gone.

Remus sank to his knees and took a deep rasping breath. He’d been having a lot of those rasping breaths lately. He had to keep reminding himself to breathe, the war was over. But the war wasn’t over. Not really. Not for Remus. He was still in the rubble, grasping at the broken pieces. a war raged inside him. A raging, despair filled war.

The snow soaked through the knees of his trousers as he kneeled there, staring. He reached out and traced James’ name with a gloved finger. He was shaking, he realized. He hadn’t shaken quite so hard in a while.

“Remus? Can we talk?” James’ timid voice had come from outside the bathroom door.

Remus finished brushing his teeth quickly and pulled on his pajamas. “Mm?” he hummed from inside, still fiddling with his night shirt, attempting to hide his scars as much as possible. He pushed open the door to find the other 3 marauders standing in a solemn group, staring him down.

“Umm… everything all right lads?” he asked timidly. He could sense the tension, smell peter’s fear, practically taste james’ adrenaline. He shook his head slightly as if to shake away the tiny remnants of the wolf. The full moon was only two nights before and he still felt a bit animal-like.

James cleared his throat. “We wanted to ask you a question, er. Actually more of a statement? What i’m trying to say is-“

“Remus, are you a werewolf?” Sirius cut him off.

“A- am I a wha- no pfft of course not how would you, er- uhm” Remus spluttered helplessly. He saw the look on their faces and knew they knew. His hesitation, his inability to keep cool had given it all away. They knew. He felt his knees buckle and sat down hard on his bed, his head in his hands.

“So I suppose I’ll be leaving school then. Sorry for lying to you, lads. I’ll start packing.” He stood up abruptly and began grabbing his things and throwing them in his trunk.

“Whoa whoa what’re you doing?! you can’t leave!” Sirius said.

“Well of course I can. I’m dangerous. I’m- I’m a monster!” Remus exclaimed, throwing a thick jumper into his trunk.

James snatched up the jumper and placed his hands on Remus’ shoulders, shaking him lightly. “You’re not a monster, Remus.”

Remus shot james a look that said ‘don’t test me’ and grabbed the jumper back.

“Oh come off it, mate. You can’t leave! Who’ll do my charms notes?” Peter looked exasperated.

Remus folded his arms across his chest defensively, refusing to believe they were being serious. When had anyone ever been okay with his condition? His own father wasn’t okay with it for Godric’s sake! “So you’re telling me you aren’t the least bit afraid of me? You lot are completely okay with a literal monster sleeping in your dorm every night?”

Sirius burst out laughing. “Remus, you fold your socks. You have your books alphabetized on your shelf. I am not the least bit afraid of you.”

Remus looked around at the three of them all nodding fiercely in agreement, an incredulous look on his face. Were they really okay with it?

“Yes mate, we’re serious. We’re sure. We promise.” James said with a firm nod as if he could read Remus’ mind.

“Literally,” Sirius grinned.

Remus smiled. They accepted him. They actually accepted him.

He looked at the small array of flowers laying at the base of the cold, smooth stone and smiled sadly. Lilies. James had always made sure Lily had her flower on Valentine’s day. Remus took out his wand and conjured a small bouquet of lilies. He laid them gently beneath Lily’s name. Lily. The first girl to be friends with him without trying to snog him. Lily. Wonderful, smiling Lily.

“Oi! Evans!”

Lily rolled her eyes and ducked her head behind the open book in her lap. “What d’you want, Potter?” she sighed.

James grinned and stood up, dusting off his robes as he did so. “Oh c’mon Evans. Can’t even bother to look at me anymore?” he teased.

She snapped the book shut and flashed him a smile before returning her features to her usual ‘I’m so done with your shit’ face that she used when addressing James.

He smiled even wider and ruffled his hair. “Will you go out with me?”

She laughed and stood up. “Eow not even a pick up line this time! How charming, but unfortunately I’m going to have to decline. Again.”

James’ shoulders slouched and he flopped down onto the sofa in front of the common room fireplace next to Sirius. Sirius threw an arm around James’ shoulders and patted his back. “Next time mate,” he said with a solemn nod. James grumbled something that sounded like “fat chance.”

“Remus are we still going to the library? I need to look at a few books for that transfiguration essay,” Lily asked, snapping back to business as usual.

“Yeah sounds great.” Remus said, jumping up from his spot in the comfy chair adjacent to the couch James was now sulking on. “I’ll bring my notes so you can look off of those too. I need to look at some things for Care of Magical Creatures. Trying to get a head start on revisions this year,” he said as he grabbed various scraps of parchment and shoved them into his bag.

He slung the strap onto his shoulder and smiled at Lily. “All set?” she asked.

Remus nodded and they set off to the library. He snuck a look back at the others and saw a flabbergasted James staring after him. “How? Bloody how?” James said, shaking his head. Remus chuckled and kept walking.

Lily and Remus walked side by side for a while until Lily broke the silence. “Dunno what you see in those dorks.”

Remus bumped his shoulder against hers playfully. “Aw they’re not so bad. A bit immature but they’re family you know?”

She smiled. “yeah I know. That's sorta how it is with Mary and Marls. I love ‘em to death but I can only take so much girl talk.”

“It’s not just the girls! Bloody hell, all I hear about is ‘what’s all the fuss about snogging, Sirius?’ and ‘well once you get the hang of it, it’s great James. you’ll get there, mate, don’t worry.’ it’s all any of them talk about!”

Lily smirked. “Good to hear I'm not the only one getting an earful.”

They laughed and then were quiet for a moment. “It’s not so bad, though,” Remus said thoughtfully. “You know James really likes you?”

Lily looked up, surprised. “Remus you know I-“

“No I know, Lils. Ijust thought you should know he’s not teasing. He really likes you. Talks about you all the time. And of course you don’t have to feel the same but-“

Lily cut him off by grabbing his hand and swinging it between them. “It's okay, Rem. I like James too.”

Remus looked at her and grinned. “Lily! That’s brilliant!”

“Mm yes… but I’m going to mess with him a bit. Now that I know he’s smitten,” she smirked.

Remus smiled and they walked into the library together, still hand in hand.

Remus looked at the headstone in front of him and then glanced about at the others. He realized how many people had died. He wondered how many had died young and unfairly like Lily and james. He wondered how many had had their chance at life ripped away from them so quickly it felt like the world itself was against them. He thought of James and Lily and Marlene and Dorcas and Peter. Poor, nervous Peter. He'd tried so hard to help out in the war. And now he was gone too. Killed by sirius.

Sirius. Remus clenched and unclenched his fist at his side. Sirius. He couldn’t help but feel a squeeze around his heart at the thought of Sirius. stupid, buggering Sirius. Remus hated that he’d trusted him. He hated that Sirius had been the spy all along. He hated that he didn’t see it coming. But most of all Remus hated that he couldn’t stop loving him. No matter how much he cursed his name and couldn’t stand what he’d done, he still loved him.

“He’s a traitor. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor,” he whispered and shook himself slightly. Every memory together was tainted, every happy moment shared, every argument and smile and laugh. All tainted by Sirius’ betrayal. And yet Remus still loved him.

Remus supported a very drunk Sirius, one of Sirius’ hands gripping Remus’ shoulder tightly.

“Sirius,” Remus said, taking the sloshing cup from the smaller boy’s free hand, “You’re drunk.”

Sirius smiled benignly and reached for the cup. “No ‘m not, Moony. You’re drunk!” he said thickly.

Remus smiled. “Sure, Padfoot. I’m so drunk I just fell into my best friend.”

Sirius laughed and slumped into Remus a bit more. Remus guided them both to a large armchair and they sat down, smushed up against one another.

Sirius laid his head against Remus’ shoulder absently. “Remus?”

“Mm?” He looked sideways at the top of Sirius’ head, but Sirius didn’t look up. Drunk wanker.

“You’re so… you’re just so great.”

“Are you attempting to compliment me?”

“I’m just saying,” he said quietly. “You’re so cool Remus. You’re… you’re beautiful.”

Remus tilted his head back to get a look at Sirius who was wearing a dopey look. “Sirius… you’re drunk.”

“Maybe. But i’m right.”

“Remus?”

“Mm?”

“D’you think my family hates me?”

Remus curled his arm around Sirius more protectively. “Course they don’t hate you. They just can’t see all your greatest qualities. But I can” Remus smiled into Sirius’ hair.

Sirius curled up and made himself small against the other boy. “Just can’t shake the feeling they hate me. I know I shouldn’t care what they think after what they did to me but-“

“It’s okay, Sirius. They’re your family. It’s their fault what happened when you were little. And it’s their loss that they can’t see how amazing you are.”

Sirius rolled over and searched Remus’ eyes for the truth. He smiled slightly and said, Thanks, Rem.”

Remus hugged Sirius close to him and they just laid there like that for a while, curling into one another. It was comforting to be held like that.

“Hey Remus?” Sirius spoke into Remus’ chest. Remus could feel his warm breath against his bare skin.

“Mm?”

“I’m mental about you.”

Remus felt a blush creep up his neck. “I’m mental about you too.”

Sirius came bursting through the portrait hole with such a clatter remus thought he must’ve been chased by a pack of elephants.

“Moony!”

Remus looked up from his book and nearly fell out of his chair. Sirius was standing there wearing one of Mary's mini skirts and one of remus’ jumpers. And bloody hell he looked hot. Sirius smirked, apparently happy with the reaction he’d received and sauntered over to the chair Remus was seated in.

“Heya there, Moony. How’s your book?”

Remus laughed and slammed the book shut. “Hiya Padfoot. I see you’ve been raiding closets again.” The words came out easily once he’d recovered from the initial shock.

“I look just stunning, don't I?” Sirius laughed.

“You always look stunning, Pads.”

Sirius looked momentarily taken aback but then straightened up and flipped his beautiful hair over one shoulder. “I know.”

Remus laughed and scooted over, pulling Sirius by the waist into the large chair to sit with him.

A brown barn owl swooped through the open window in the common room Remus was smoking through and dropped an envelope into his lap.

“Got mail, Moony?” Peter asked from the floor without looking away from his chess board.

Remus puffed smoke and picked up the envelope. “Yeah from mum.”

Peter didn’t respond. Remus could tell without looking he was planning the perfect winning strategy. Peter was a god at wizard chess.

The werewolf stubbed out his cigarette on the windowsill and ripped open the envelope. Inside were two sheets of parchment. One with his mother’s neat cursive dancing across the page and the other with his father’s messy, scribbly writing sprawled across it. He picked up the sheet with his mum’s writing first.

Dearest Remus,

My dear baby boy. You’ve known I've been sick for some time. It’s a muggle disease, one with no cure. You’ve known this from the start. I'm so sorry everything was so sudden, my starshine. I'm afraid things have gotten worse since you’ve been at school. I regret not writing more often, I miss seeing your lovely notes and hearing the stories of you and your friends. I don’t have much time, my love. They’re moving me to hospice tomorrow. Your father says he can arrange a visit with Mcgonagall soon. I love you, my starshine. You make every day a gift. See you soon, love.

Love,

Mum

Remus set down the letter with trembling hands. No. No this couldn’t be happening. He attempted to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat and picked up the second sheet, feeling shakier than he ever had before.

Dear Remus,

Your mother has passed away. I'm sorry you couldn’t say goodbye, she died in her sleep the night they moved her into hospice and I didn't have a chance to post her letter. I'm very sorry, my dear boy. The funeral will be this friday. Mcgonagall has been contacted and plans will be made. I love you, son.

See you soon,

Dad

Remus stared down at the piece of parchment blankly. His mum was dead? So suddenly? It didn’t feel real. It couldn’t be real.

He suddenly felt a surge of anger at his father. He didn’t have time to post her letter?! She was dying and he knew it! I’m her son! I had a right to say goodbye! Remus’ cheeks grew hot and he was in danger of breaking down right there on the windowsill.

The portrait hole opened and sirius stepped through, his face lighting up in a radiant smile when he saw Remus.

“Moony!” Remus looked at Sirius, panic and pain written all over his face. “Oh moony, what’s happened?” Sirius rushed over but the tears had already begun to fall. Sirius glanced around at the half-full common room and helped Remus down from the windowsill, gathering the letters and guiding him upstairs.

Remus was glad. He hated breaking down like this. Hardly anyone ever saw his emotions. anyone except Sirius.

“Moony…” Sirius searched his face but all he found was sorrow. “Oh Moony you poor love, what’s happened?” he asked softly.

Remus shook his head and pointed to the parchment clutched in Sirius’ hands. He read through the first one quickly and looked up at Remus. “Oh love, it’s gonna be okay. We can go talk to Mcgonagall and-“

“Read the second letter.” Remus’ voice sounded hollow.

Sirius gulped and bowed his head to read the second letter, his dark hair falling forward in silky sheets.

When he finished he silently set down the parchment and crawled onto Remus’ bed. He reached out his arms and pulled the werewolf close.

“It’s going to be okay, love. It’s going to be okay,” Sirius whispered into his ear, stroking his honey colored curls.

Remus curled into himself, making himself small. He rarely curled up like that, but right then it felt nice to be held so tightly. He made himself small and cried. His mum was gone. He'd never felt such sorrow.

“Hey Remus?” Sirius said quietly. “I love you”

“I love you too,” Remus croaked in response.

Remus stared blankly at the etched words in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. I'm sorry James and Lily, I can't stop loving him. I want to but I can't. I hate myself for it. I just-“ he took a heaving breath, tears threatening to spill over. “I need time. And I'm so so sorry. I wish you guys were here.”

Remus stood up and brushed his trousers off with his hands. The snow left two dark wet marks on his knees. He wiped his eyes and left the way he came. He knew he shouldn’t have visited. He knew it was a bad idea.

They’re really gone. And he’s really a traitor. Traitor. Traitor. Traitor. stop loving him, Remus. Stop loving him. Traitor traitor traitor.

#marauders #hogwarts #sirius orion black #remus john lupin #wolfstar #james peter remus sirius #james potter #lily evans #lily potter #jily fanfiction #jily angst #wolfstar angst #oneshot #flashback #fiction #fanfiction

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moon-stars01 · 4 years

Text

5 ways to say I love you

Wonwoo x Reader

Author:leechansmile

Summary: l/n y/n was just pure stupid sometimes.Note the sometimes because it seems like her stupidity only shows with this person; or where y/n is huge ball of mess but gets a lot more messy when Jeon Wonwoo was involved.

Pairing:Wonwoo(Svt) x Reader

Gene:fluff,pinning,cute,affectionate Wonwoo

Rating:General Audiences

Word Count:2800

•5 ways to say I love you•

[ 1 s t w a y ]:

pure stupidity.

that is y/n right at this moment as she picks up her broken phone from the ground.

great! it's damn broken, l/n y/n

"why exactly did you throw it?"

Y/n isn't suppose to hate her seokmin oppa for asking an innocent question but she really doesn't want to rethink it right now, right after the embarrassment that just happened.

you see y/n was minding her own business as usual, it was practice break as she stood up and went to one of the speaker where her phone was placed, she did stuff normally like a normal person would but just as she was about to come back to where she was sitting before, she was approached

and it wasn't anything special, just one of her sunbae's of course, what's so wrong about that to the point you'll throw your phone to the ground for no apparent reason?

well it was Jeon wonwoo

it wasn't a surprise to say y/n admired her friend and how much of a good sunbae he is to her, but it was terrifying everytime she heard her heart beat so fast... because it wasn't normal, her heart shouldn't feel like this for someone like one of her sunbae's.

but it was too late to shut her heart up.

because just as she looks up to her sunbae, the bright smile and the messy hair matching with the bright eyes that looks back at her, she realized something and damn how much she hated that her heart did a flip and it felt normal to her now.

and just from everything, without even a word, she throws her phone to the ground.

matching with the gasp as she looks at what she had done with the device that was now smashed on the ground, probably broken from the way y/n threw it, and y/n made the stupidest decision and looked back up at the reason why that just happened.

and she saw him.

but he was shining, from the room's light he looked flawless and y/n realized

She's in love. She's in love with Jeon Wonwoo.

"Y/n your phone!" Wonwoo looked at the broken phone on the ground with a shocked expression, the members close to them looking over at the scene.

"what happened?" seungcheol made his way looking at the two before looking at the ground and seeing the phone "why is your phone on the ground, y/n?"

She's in love with her sunbae, not just any human but the one that basically raised her.

"did y/n's brain came along with the phone? because both look broken" and at this point y/n would've cursed and chased seungkwan already but her heart held her body, controlling her feet from moving.

She's in love, oh god she's in love.

[ 2 n d w a y ]:

after the phone accident, y/n almost couldn't take it everytime she was with the older, but that seemed really impossible.

and she thinks she really lost it when it was Wonwoo who bought her a new screen saver with a 'super strong, no drop could break it' phone case, and the phone case was matching with the older's too and it just absolutely made y/n crazy.

but what y/n shouldn't have done is trying cook while Wonwoo was there, because mixing stupidity, being unlucky and cooking together doesn't really match well, so when y/n cracked one damn egg into the pan and a newly woken up Wonwoo ,with messy hair and puffy cheeks, walked into the kitchen, y/n knew she was about to do something she's gonna regret.

at first it looked all fine, like she was left alone by the charm of stupidity for awhile, but when her naturally affectionate Sunbaemin came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, y/n's brain went hostile.

She felt like she was the one being fried and not the egg on the pan, it also didn't help that y/n was just wearing shorts so she absolutely felt wonwoo's pajama rubbing on her legs and just the warmth of the older wrapping around her.

and as much as she loves it and is almost used to it, her brain still failed to associate it as platonic, and made y/n's body just completely panic, so when y/n muttered to the older about the food being ready and the older finally lets go of her, she quickly grabbed plates.

and plates mixing in with y/n wasn't really a perfect fit, hell anything breakable isn't a perfect fit for panicked y/n so as expected, her brain mulfuctioned as the older sat on one of the stools, taking sight of her again, y/n dropped one of the plates, making her and the older jump at the sound.

"whoa y/n are you okay?" Y/n didn't notice her shaking hands and why it was shaking was also unknown as the older stands up to grab a broom to clean it off.

Y/n felt herself grow embarrassed, her face felt a lot hotter and she felt her hands trembling and she just wants to jump out of her skin at that moment.

Y/n also didn't realize that she was just about to step on the broken pieces of the plates until a hand on her wrist snapped her out of her trance again, a worried Wonwoo held onto her wrist as y/n looks at him.

"Y/n you'll hurt yourself, just go and sit on the counter and i'll clean this up" and y/n was about to protest, wanting to be the one cleaning up the mess that she made, but the other knew her way too well that he immediately gave her a strict look making the younger sit down on the counter top watching the older clean up the broken plate.

"you shouldn't be cooking and stuff when you're still half awake, you could seriously get hurt if you're not careful" and y/n wanted to cry in frustration because the other latter doesn't know what he's doing to her.

"but really i was fine, just lost balance a bit–"

"no buts, you can seriously get hurt if you do it like that again, good thing your trusty sunbae is here, huh?" the older held a smile to reassure y/n that it was okay.

but again y/n wanted to cry.

the older had no idea, and y/n was just helplessly falling deeper for him.

[ 3 r d w a y ]:

"i noticed that a plate is missing–"

Y/n spitted out the coffee she was drinking as hansol patted her back as she coughs.

"first of all yuck,y/n what the hell, and two the plate that was missing is jeonghan hyung's favorite so he kinda freaked out"

seokmin rests his hand on the table and told y/n about how jeonghan was trying to find the missing plate and how many times he had interrogated some of the members about the plate y/n broke because of her stupid feelings.

"he asked me right as i came out of the bathroom and i accidentally threw my toothbrush at him" and that made hansol laugh to the point that he was punching

y/n's arm over and over.

"does he really love that plate?" Y/n sips her coffee that was surely too sweet as she tries to cover up her light nervousness from the topic.

"it was bought by seungcheol hyung, it had a swan on it and hyung absolutely was so smitten over the fact that cheol hyung said that he reminded him of a swan because of hyung's beauty" hansol explained and y/n took more sips as to prove that she was innocent.

"but cheol hyung already calmed him down about it and told him he would buy a new set of it and hyung seems satisfied with that" and with seokmin's shrug y/n's heart felt more relaxed again.

Y/n reached over again for her coffee to take a sip and realized it was empty, "that was my coffee, y/n." and with that y/n smiled awkwardly, standing up to get a cup of it again to give back to hansol.

and glad to say that she successfully got there without anything breaking or something weird happening and she filled the cup with coffee again, ready to get back to the table.

"Y/n i was just trying to find you–" Jeon freaking Wonwoo, oh god no

and just with a gasp y/n tilted the cup to the point that it spilled all over wonwoo's pants and white shoes and was she so happy for doing that (mark the sarcasm).

"–for another practice" the older looked down onto his shoes, the once clean shoes were now stained with coffee and the black joggers was also wet with the drink.

"i am so sorry! oh god" y/n didn't know why she was bowing or why she felt more nervous than any of the time she messed with her other sunbae's.

Wonwoo's face looked shocked and a little bit confused, to which y/n got alarmingly scared of because of how calm he was.

"i'll wash it when we get to the dorm, i'm so sorry!" and y/n was almost crying,she didn't know why but she was close to tears. how many times does she need to mess things up with whom that she fell in love with.

"Y/n, i-it's fine, honestly just–" y/n got scared as Wonwoo sighs "–maybe you need rest just a for a little while, you seem weird for awhile now..."

he noticed. he freaking noticed.

and again y/n wanted to just scream and cry because she's already out of luck of making him return her feelings but also he found her weird. weird!

"i'll get going now y/n... maybe just go home and rest if you wanna" and maybe it was the weird smile he gave that crushed y/n or the view of the other walking away, but either way she was messed up.

in all sorts of way.

[ 4 t h w a y ]:

the beach.

the beach is always fun, especially with your friends or family and to y/n it was an easy place to relax and just have fun, like build sandcastles and play in the water but sadly y/n can't do it because of the weird feeling of being awkward around someone, someone you particularly like more than a sunbae and is probably one of the bestest things in y/n's life.

it was seungcheol's idea for the them to take a break, because they had been on a tight schedule recently and is drained from all of it (or maybe Wonwoo told seungcheol about y/n acting weird and this is a way for y/n to rest, atleast that's what she thinks)

so here is y/n, playing a sport she isn't even good at or doesn't even know that rules of it, it was beach volleyball and seungkwan of course made her join.

don't get y/n wrong,she did know the simple things like serving, receiving and all of those stuff but in over all she just wasn't really into the sport like the others are, but either way she just joined because maybe this will clear her mind up for a bit.

and it did! surprisingly it did, y/n didn't think of the older as they were playing, she heard his voice time to time and she doesn't know if it's because Wonwoo was really there or she was just going crazy but either way she was doing just fine with it.

until of course she messes up.

you see they changed sides of the court as they get into another set, and this time joshua's team was facing the clear way, while y/n's team was facing their hut, where the other guys that are not in the game are resting and y/n almost didn't want to do it because the chances of Wonwoo appearing is huge, much larger than y/n not messing up more likely.

and for some reason it was y/n's turn to serve the ball and it was fine and all,she knew how to do that, it may not be amazing but it was just okay but what wasn't okay is that as she is about to serve the ball her eyes catched Wonwoo walking over at the back of joshua's team, causing y/n to hit the ball not on the other team's direction.

but wonwoo's direction

and before the ball could land she catches wonwoo's eyes and just as it hits the other latter straight on the head,and what made it worse was that it was normal to the other guys but to her it made stuff way worse.

like before y/n bowed and apologized to the older which ended up with the older, again, shrugging her off but what made it worse was wonwoo's last words.

"at this point i don't know if something's wrong with me or is it just you"

and it may mean something else but all if did was the same thing,,, crush y/n's heart.

+ f i n a l w a y+

as soon as they got home after the whole week of suffering for y/n, the younger immediately went to the practice rooms to dance her little heart out, frustrations all released by the dance, making her heart lighter than the weight it was before.

but it seems like she just can't catch a break.

as she dances to a random song from her playlist, the door of the room opens revealing a Jeon Wonwoo looking to want to do the same thing y/n is doing at the moment.

and for some reason her phone's music logged, stopping y/n and making her face the older who is at the door with a blank face.

"Wonwoo–" "just tell me what's wrong y/n?"

Y/n felt her heart in her throat as she gulps down the feeling, looking at the floor and finding it much more interesting now.

"nothing's wrong, everything happening is just accidents–"

Y/n's words gets cut off as Wonwoo walks closer "accidents my ass! it just seems like you're uncomfortable with me, like you're avoiding me, like you're afraid of me–"

Y/n taps her foot on the floor, a sign of nervousness from the older's words

"–you keep on spacing out when you're with me, you get tense and you do all these things and you apologize like the world is mad at you for it! Y/n what the hell is wrong? cause i certainly do not know"

and y/n's walls break, tears slowly falling, it was just small but the drops were enough for the older to see, stepping closer.

"Wonwoo-nim, i-i just–

i fell for you, okay!?"

Y/n felt her breathing being heavy as the air swallows her full, not taking notice of the older stepping more closer to her.

"i love you more than i should've, and i don't know why everytime you're there everything i do gets messed up when all i wanna do is say i love you!" and that's it, y/n felt the air swallow her whole as she looks down again.

"breaking your phone in front of me was an i love you?"

Y/n looked up at the older as she takes a step back and older takes another step closer.

"breaking jeonghan hyung's favorite plate was an i love you?"

step back. one step closer.

"spilling coffee on me was an i love you?"

step back. one step closer.

"hitting me with a volleyball was an i love you?"

Y/n feels the cool glass of the mirror behind her back as Wonwoo corners her in the corner, face closer than before,she can feel the older's breathe on her lips.

"where all of those an i love you?"

Y/n looks down "supposed to be, but–"

"do you think all of those were enough for me to get what you were feeling? huh?"

"no but–"

"then tell me. tell me the exact way."

Y/n closes her eyes "i love you..."

and she felt a pair of lips on her's and she thinks she's dreaming but once she opened her eyes there he was, Jeon Wonwoo with his smiling glory.

and y/n was about to speak when Wonwoo dropped his phone

"i love you too, y/nnie"

maybe her stupidity isn't that bad at all.

+ 1

"you broke your phone too?"

"long story hyung..."

jeonghan looked over at seungcheol as he questions the two

"also hannie-nim i wanna tell you something..."

"hmm?"

and just as that seungkwan broke into the room looking knowing as ever

"JEONGHAN HYUNG Y/N BROKE THE PLATE!"

"oh that's– wAIT WHAT?"

"Calm down, these two just got together we should be happy–"

"L/N Y/N EXPLAIN!"

#seventeen #wonwoo #wonwoo fanfic #wonwoo x reader #kpop #stories #wonwoo seventeen

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vigilantobserver · 4 years

Text

5 times Rin surprised Sousuke by being unexpectedly romantic and 1 time Sousuke returned the favour (5/6)

And here it is. Told ya it would just be a few minutes! ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Free! or it’s characters, if I did it would be a lot more gay (and that’s saying something). The only thing I own is this written story. ok? ok. (Also I literally have only seen the first two seasons of Free! don’t @ me.)

𝚅. Breakfast

“Sousuke? Come on, it’s time to wake up.”

Teal eyes opened sluggishly as a smitten smile stretched over thin lips. There was truly nothing better for Sousuke than waking up to the sound of his lover’s voice. With a stretch and a yawn, the dark-haired man sat up, only to blink as something was placed over his lap.

Looking down his eyes widened a bit. A small wooden table had been placed over his lap, decked out what looked like a traditional western breakfast. Pancakes, eggs and bacon, fruit and even a cup of coffee, it was all there. Lifting his head up he looked into the very proud face of his lover.

“Rin, this…”

Sharp teeth were revealed by a wide grin.

“Great, right? I woke up extra early just to make you breakfast in bed today. So, you better be thankful!”

The taller man chuckled.

“I am, but what is the occasion?”

Red eyes blinked is surprise.

“What’s the-? Don’t tell me you actually forgot?”

Sousuke just shrugged helplessly. Had he forgotten something important? He knew their anniversary was in April and it was September so that couldn’t be it. Rin sighed.

“To think that you would actually forget.”

He sat on the bet beside Sousuke and leaned over to peck his cheek whispering.

“Happy birthday, Sousuke.”

Oh, right. Today was the 14th of September. His birthday.

“Oh.”

A maroon eyebrow raised in amusement.

“Yeah. Oh.”

Rin shook his head.

“Come on, enjoy your breakfast before I force feed you. I have more planned for today, so you need to have your coffee, or you’ll be completely useless.”

Sousuke snorted at the teasing and began eating. He should have known that Rin would see the first birthday to be celebrated in their new apartment as something special. Really, what did he do to deserve this lovely man?

#Free!#sousuke yamazaki #rin matsuoka #sourin #my fanfiction #nobetawedielikemen #thisisashortonei'msorry

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strcwberryfields · 4 years

Note

❤ - eleanor and scott

i went crazy and stupid

1. Eleanor sat in the courtyard with Josie during lunch, popping bubblegum and giggling as she pulled a note from her chemistry textbook that Scott had dropped into her locker that morning. Unfolding the ripped notebook paper in her hands, she lowered her voice to read the short note of affection to Josie.

“So he’s really like, yer boyfriend, aye?” Josie said, raising her eyebrows and blowing a large bubble with her gum that Eleanor popped with a pen. “Oi!”

“Of course he’s my boyfriend, I already told you that,” Eleanor said, the same dreamy smile stretching across her face that appeared any time she started to talk about Scott and how they’d recently decided to officially be together. She noted the amused grin on Josie’s face and cocked an eyebrow. “What’s so funny about that?”

“Never thought’d I’d see the day that Scott Blackwood would be somebody’s boyfriend, I guess,” she chuckled. “Good on ye, babe. Many a hen have tried and failed,” Josie said with a smirk. Eleanor waved a flippant hand in the air and rolled her eyes, despite her blushing cheeks. “Oh, smitten little kitten ye are. You’re totally in love him already!” Josie teased, giving Eleanor’s cheek a hard enough pinch to make her laugh.

“We’ve only just started going out! I—I’m not!” Eleanor stammered, though her heart raced and her palms felt sweaty. She gave Josie a warning look before dissolving into giddy laughter that echoed through the schoolyard.

—

2. Furious and scribbling on a piece of paper she’d ripped from her journal, Eleanor sat at her tiny university desk alone in her room. Scott’s letter was lined with creases from Eleanor balling it up and throwing it into the bin before she fished it out and unravelled it, sitting in front of her and taunting her as she wrote back to him—even if it was clear that he didn’t want her to. She knew she probably wouldn’t send it anyway.

That’s it? It’s just over because you say it’s over. I don’t want to stop writing to you. The thought of never hearing from you again is making me sick. I’m nauseous right now as I write this. Don’t I get a say in this? You always think you know what the right thing to do is. Well guess what? You don’t. You’re not always right Scott. You always think you have to be strong or alone or whatever else it is you’ve convinced yourself of—but you don’t. But fine. If that’s what you want. You know what I want. I couldn’t be more clear in every letter. And you’ve ruined me forever for any other boy that comes along no matter how much I feel like I hate you right now. And I do feel like I hate you. And when I'm done hating you all that's left will be—

“Ugh!” Eleanor sounded, slamming her pen down against her decades old desk and standing up to pad over to her bed, flopping down on her stomach. Though like a moth to a flame, she crawled back to the edge of her bed and plucked Scott’s letter—his last letter to her—and reread it for what felt like the hundredth time. “I hate you Antimony,” she grumbled under her breath, tears welling her eyes again. Though she knew if that were true, it wouldn’t hurt so much.

—

3. “It’s such a shame about Henry, darling. What a fine young man he was,” Natalie tutted, stirring her tea as she sat across from Eleanor at their drawing room table in London. Eleanor stacked sugar cubes into little pyramids on her saucer, earning her an exasperated expression from her mother. She knocked down the pyramids and dropped the sugar cubes back into the china bowl in front of her. “Are you sure you couldn’t work things out with him?”

“I’m sure mum,” Eleanor sighed. Ever since she’d broken up with Henry last month, Natalie found a way to bring him up exactly when Eleanor wanted to talk about it the least. “I told you, we just grew apart. And I’m fine with it, really. I’m okay,” she insisted, because that was mostly true.

“I really still don’t understand why. I thought he was rather perfect for you,” Natalie said, her shiny bracelets jingling softly as she waved a hand towards Eleanor. As if she would know anything about who would be right for Eleanor.

“I just said why, we grew—“

“I suppose I’m just shocked considering how horrendously you handled our departure from Scotland,” Natalie interjected. Eleanor felt like she’d just gotten the wind knocked out of her. She knew exactly what Natalie was referring to, and wanted to roll her eyes at her very obvious side-step to not mention Scott’s name. “Sometimes I still think you’re in love with that boy.” Eleanor’s mouth fell open and she stared at her mother with wide eyes. Natalie placed her teacup down and the corner of her mouth twitched in a way that indicated to Eleanor that she wanted to make one of her infamous unsavory comments.

“Scott. And I’m not. Don’t worry,” Eleanor rushed. “I haven’t thought about him in years,” she lied, swallowing down the rest of her tea and swiftly excusing herself from the drawing room.

—

4. Maybe it was wrong of Scott and Eleanor to continue seeing each other so much. They’d just patched things up again after Eleanor had gotten into a fight with Ivy at the employee bonfire, and they were both seeing other people. Seeing other people, however, was about as gray of an area as Eleanor had ever experienced. She might argue that she and Scott were seeing each other too, as he was right in front of her, smoking a cigarette in her line of vision. He looked so good, and Eleanor found herself distracted by his lips while he was speaking.

“Hello? Lenore?” Scott laughed.

“What?”

“I asked ye a question.”

“Oh! Sorry I—what was the question?” She said, feeling caught. The way he was looking at her made her feel like he was actually reading her mind, and he knew that she’d been fantasizing about him.

“Am I really that boring?” He asked, a smirk curling up on his lips.

“Oh, please, stop it,” Eleanor chuckled, waving a hand at him. “Work was just tiring today. I’m sleepy,” she whined, resting her head in her hand.

“Uh-huh, sure,” Scott said, nodding dramatically.

“You’re an arsehole.” She rolled her eyes, despite the grin on her face.

“Ye love me,” he huffed, blowing out a long stream of smoke and flashing her a smile.

“You wish, Antimony,” Eleanor countered, feeling caught once again.

—

5. “—and his boat is fantastic. When he bought it it was basically falling apart and it looks brand new now,” Eleanor explained to her father on the phone.

“That’s brilliant!” Aslan enthused. There was a beat of silence on the phone, and he spoke again. “How unbelievable this world is that you’ve ran into him on the other side of the planet.”

Eleanor sighed twirling a curl around her finger and looking out of her bedroom window. “I know. I should’ve told you and mum sooner. It was just so—I don’t know. So weird and well, you know mum and—I thought maybe I truly had gone completely mad for real this time and made it up in my head,” she laughed awkwardly.

“You sound happy, love.” Eleanor could hear the smile on his face through his voice. And she felt herself smiling too.

“I am,” she said, and she felt that maybe another day she might tell him an abridged and absolutely G-rated version of everything that happened between her and Scott before now. Even if things were still so confusing, at least she was happy. After last night on his boat, she was extraordinarily so. She’d kept her father on the phone with her for the last half hour talking about it, about Scott and how wonderful she thought he was.

“That lad always made you quite happy, didn’t he?” Aslan mused.

“I—of course,” she replied, feeling her cheeks warm. Maybe she was a little embarrassed that she was so helplessly and blatantly in love with Scott as a teenager that her father remembered how crazy she was about him.

“I’m chuffed it seems that he still does,” he chuckled, and Eleanor groaned in embarrassment. “Do you still love him?” Aslan asked quietly, and Eleanor’s mouth ran dry.

“Dad!” she squeaked. “We’re friends I told you, oh my god.” Eleanor rushed and rolled her eyes at Aslan’s loud and hearty laughter on the other end of the line.

—

+1. Standing in Scott’s kitchen with his t-shirt on and sipping tea, Eleanor chatted away on the FaceTime to Josie in the early morning hour. She peeked through the doorway into his bedroom and smiled at his figure lying in bed, still sleeping in some miraculous turn of events in which she was the first one to wake. She did her best to keep her voice down, despite wanting to laugh after every other thing Josie said.

“Ye sound just like ye did when we were wee lassies in school,” Josie snickered, wagging her eyebrows at Eleanor through the phone.

“I feel like I did then too,” she agreed with a giddy smile.

“So fuckin’ precious, Christ,” she chuckled.

“I just love him so much,” Eleanor said helplessly, and Josie grinned.

“Aye, don’t I know it,” she said with a wink. “Alright babe, I’ve got to go, but I’ll text ye soon.”

Eleanor and Josie exchanged their goodbyes and she put her phone on the kitchen counter next to her half-finished mug of tea before padding quietly back to Scott’s bed and doing her best not to wake him up. Still, he stirred a little, pulling her in by her waist so her back was flush against his chest. “I love you so much too, Len,” he mumbled against her neck.

“Little eavesdropper,” she tutted, and he huffed a laugh as Eleanor closed her eyes to fall back asleep.

#no i truly went too hard #otp: st. blackwood #★ ask memes ★#waves1x1

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fanficsaremylifeline · 5 years

Text

Bad Habit

“Hello, Alexander.”

The sound of that voice was enough for every muscle in Alec's body to clench, so much so, that he almost broke the glass he was holding.

Two years. It has been two years, since he last heard this voice, since the last time he heard his name being pronounced like that, and it still did unexplainable things to his body.

After a deep breath, he turned around to face his visitor. “Magnus.”

Two years. It has been two years, since he last saw these shining golden eyes, since he last saw the perfectly styled hair with a colourful dyed streak, matching the exactly applied eyeliner and the outfit, that looked like it came straight from a runway in Milan.

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm back”, he shrugged, offering Alec a small smile. “For good, that is.”

“Good for you.” Alec put the glass down on his desk. “Guess I'll see you around, then.” With that, Alec made his way out of his office, when Magnus grabbed his arm, held him back.

Two years. It has been two years since the strong hands held tightly onto Alec, since the brush of Magnus' skin on his was enough to send every neuron into overdrive.

“Alec, please. Let me explain.”

“What is there to explain?”, Alec shot back, surprised at himself at how calm he managed to sound. “Not that you made anything clear the last time I saw you, but I still believe there isn't more to say.” Alec freed himself from the grasp and left his office and a wide-eyed Magnus behind.

Two years. It has been two years, since Magnus disappeared without a trace, leaving Alec nothing but a short letter, telling him he had to leave and as sorry as he was that it had to be this way. It has been two years, since Alec, who had been ready to go to the ends of the earth with Magnus, and already had gotten a fucking engagement ring, was left behind, broken into a million little pieces.

And now that Alec had managed to glue himself back together, even if only just about, Magnus dared to come back and just show up on Alec's doorstep?

His coat wrapped tightly around him, Alec hurried through the streets that were as busy as ever. And, though he normally enjoyed the walk, it took him everything not to slip into a dark alley and repeatedly bang his head against some brick wall, until the last fifteen minutes or so were just erased from his brain. Izzy'd have his head though; after being incident free for almost six months...

What the fuck was going on in Magnus' head, that he'd think it'd be alright to just waltz back in, with his fabulous make-up and outfits, shoot Alec that bright smile and think everything would be alright? All that after two years of radio silence. So why then should Alec care that he was 'back for good'? And how the hell was he supposed to trust in that?

He wasn't, that was it, plain and simple. Alec had closed that chapter and was moving on, leaving Magnus to be a thing of the past. Who was he kidding, if Magnus truly were nothing more than a long gone part of Alec's past, he wouldn't feel the need to box through the next best wall.

Just before he walked back into his apartment, he hesitated and, letting out a deep breath, he rested his head against the wooden door. As much as he loved his siblings and living together with them, he just wanted to be alone.

That wasn't gonna happen, though. So, the sooner he got through it, the better. He was barely through the door, when Jace called out for him. “You're just in time, pizza's still warm and... Shit, what's wrong?”

Even though he had barely looked up from the couch, Jace immediately noticed Alec being off, something Alec loved him for. He'd still prefer to be unnoticed and alone in his room right now.

“Magnus is back”, he mumbled, after closing the door behind him.

“Fuck.” Alec had barely time to react, Jace jumped up from the couch and pulled Alec into a hug.

“Thanks”, he mumbled, once Jace let go of him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“There's not much to talk about”, Alec shrugged and discarded his coat, throwing it somewhere in the general direction of a chair. He trudged over to the couch and sat himself down by Jace's side. “He showed up at the Institute, said he wants to explain and that he's back for good.”

“And?”

“And nothing.” Alec grabbed a piece of pizza. “I left.”

“Good.” Jace leaned back, his face as hard and rigid as that of a statue as he, probably, plotted on how to get Magnus to keep away from Alec; knowing Jace, there was just enough violence involved. “You don't know where he's staying, do you?”

“You're not gonna go and beat him up.”

“I just want to talk!” His arms raised defensively, Jace couldn't help the grin breaking through. “Alright, fine. He broke my brother's heart, I deserve to break his nose.”

“Whose nose are you breaking and where can I get in on that action?” Izzy sauntered out of her bedroom and sprawled herself out over the brother's laps. She cupped Alec's face, searching his eyes. “Fuck. It's Magnus, isn't it?”

Alec just stuffed his face with more pizza, which was clearly answer enough.

“Oh, I've been waiting two years to stomp all over that guy in my ten-inch heels.”

“No breaking of body parts or skewering of vital organs”, Alec groaned, “please. Let me deal with this.”

“Alec, if we'll let you deal with this, you're not gonna punch his face, but a wall until your fingers are broken.”

“Thank you, for that vote of confidence.” Alec just about managed to keep from flinching at the memory, Jace was referencing and instead locked eyes with his brother. “I want to handle this without any violence, period, and instead like grown-ups.”

“Right”, Izzy nodded, “I am not convinced.”

“And I am done debating this. The Magnus-chapter is over, has been for a while and closed I will leave it.”

But how dreams could betray you... As much as Alec meant what he told his siblings at dinner about the chapter being closed, his dreams had different ideas.

Golden eyes, shining, glinting with what Alec once upon a time would have called love, as soft lips chased his, trailed his jawline, his neck. Bejewelled hands roaming Alec's back, perfectly manicured nails clawing into his shoulders. Soft laughter interchanged with passionate kisses and almost desperate moans. Bodies pressed up against each other, urged by needs, ruled by desire. Loud cries of ecstasy, mingling with soft whispers of love confessions.

In short: the best damn four years of Alec's life.

From the first moment he and Magnus had met, things were electrified. Alec had been attracted to him from the moment he first saw him; he was smitten the moment Magnus smiled at him and after the first time they kissed, Alec was helplessly infatuated.

And the first year of their relationship had by no means been an easy one. Prompted by his new found love, Alec came out to his family. While his siblings were nothing but supportive, his parents were not. Over the years, Maryse did warm up to Magnus, Robert on the other hand was still apprehensive towards Alec and his sexuality. Alec was pretty sure that if he'd been with any other guy, the pressure of his family would have been enough to break Alec. But Magnus, he was so supportive, helped Alec through and made him see that Alec wasn't wrong, that his feelings were legit and that he should be proud of who he was.

Everything had been perfect, hell, Alec had the proposal planned out! And then he came back home, to their home, to find Magnus' stuff gone and a note on the bed.

Alec tried for weeks to reach him, get Magnus to at least talk to him, explain what had happened, but nothing. Either Magnus had changed his number or never picked up when he saw it was Alec calling.

All these desperate tries for contact only stopped, when Izzy and Jace secretly deleted Magnus' number from his phone, which, as hard as he tried, Alec couldn't remember completely.

With all these memories resurfacing, it took Alec unusually long that morning to get into work. But, after three coffees, he managed to focus on managing worker schedules and timetables. Until his door opened.

“I hope I'm not disturbing.”

“Yes, you are”, Alec answered without looking up at Magnus. “I have work to do.”

“I remember a time, when you preferred doing something else on that desk...”

“Well, I remember a time, when you promised me you'd never leave me”, Alec shot back and, as he looked up, he was slightly satisfied to see the smirk making way for a shameful, pained expression.

“You're right. You're right to be mad, to be angry, to be...”

“At the moment, I'm mostly busy. So...” Alec gestured at the door and Magnus shot him a look that once upon a time could have gotten Alec to do anything for Magnus. But Alec was done letting himself being manipulated like that, so he stayed still, not breaking eye contact and not making any move to give in.

“I understand”, Magnus eventually nodded. “Just... I'm staying at Catarina's. Once you're ready for explanations, please.”

“I'll consider it.”

“That's all I can ask.” After shooting him a last sad smile, Magnus turned and walked out. The moment the door closed behind him, all the energy seemed to leave Alec's body and he just dropped his head on the desk.

This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair of Magnus to put Alec through all this again, just when he managed to get over it, over Magnus. It was selfish and egotistical, something Magnus wasn't. Of all the things Alec remembered him for, selfishness wasn't one of them.

Then again, a lot can happen in two years. Who's to say that this guy was still the sweet, generous and caring Magnus Alec had fallen in love with? And who's to say that all that genuine strength and all in all infectious light coming from him hadn't faded over the years?

“Dude, are you listening to me?”

The pat on his shoulder had Alec startle and he jumped up, ready to punch whoever dared to interrupt his emotional breakdown.

“It's just me.” Clary looked at him with wide eyes. “You alright?”

“What do you think?”, Alec shot back and dropped down on his chair again. As much as he had come to like his brother's girlfriend, he just wanted to be alone to wallow in his self-pity. Was that too much to ask?

“What's up?”, she asked and sat up on his desk. “That anything to do with me running into your reappeared ex just now?”

“Again”, he scoffed, “what do you think?”

“That you're right to be angry, hurt and pissed at him. That he fucked up, majorly. And that you deserve closure.”

“And how the hell am I supposed to get that?”

She put her hand over his, gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb and locked eyes. “Talk it out. I know, I know”, she hurried to add as Alec motioned to protest, “I know talking sucks. But all that anger and hurt that's bottled up in there... You need to let it out. And as much as getting drunk with your siblings or punching someone in the face might help, it doesn't do it in the long run. So, go to him, and tell him.”

Alec was quiet for a moment. Yes, she was right, of course she was. Things between him and Magnus didn't end as much as they were over from one second to the next. Now, with him being back, there was at least the chance to properly end things.

“You know”, he eventually grumbled, “I liked it a lot more when you were just my colleague and I could tell you to shove it, without fear of my brother's wrath.”

“That I believe”, she laughed, throwing her head back. It was quite attractive, the way her hair flipped back and her eyes crinkled up. At least attractive to people who were into women. “But your life is a lot better having me in it”, she added with a grin, to which Alec only shot back a raised eyebrow.

“What did you come in here for then, Doctor Phil?”

“Like I said, I ran into Magnus. Thought it'd be best to check up on you.”

“That is so sweet”, he smiled and squeezed her hand.

“Alexander Lightwood, did you just smile at me?”, Clary goggled, biting down her grin.

“And there's the door.” He let go of Clary's hand and gestured towards door, trying not to shoot her too poisonous looks.

“No, Alec, we're having a breakthrough here”, she beamed, making no move to leave his office. “You actually smiled and were grateful for my presence!”

“And I am regretting it now, immensely. So, if you'd...”

But Clary already had her phone out.

“What are you...”

“Hey honey, yeah, whatever, listen. Alec just smiled at me! I know! Your brother does like me after all!”

The king of all eyerolls wasn't enough to express Alec's exasperation. While Clary still cooed to Jace about how Alec was really, really liking her, Alec got up, grabbed her by the arm and more or less gently guided her through his office door. “Bye.” And he closed the door between them.

Only when he sat behind his desk again, he allowed the grin to break through. Alec couldn't have in front of Clary, he did have a reputation after all. But she was right, Alec definitely came to like her. She was fierce, badass and made Jace so incredibly happy that there was no real reason for Alec to oppose her. Still, he was very protective of his siblings, and nobody would ever truly be good enough for them, even though Clary and Izzy's boyfriend Simon were pretty close to being ultimate in-law material.

And Clary was right, regarding the Magnus situation. There was a lot of need to get things out in the open. So, when he left work a few hours later, he didn't turn left towards his apartment, but right, towards Catarina's; with the queasiest feeling in his stomach.

It only dropped, when the door opened and Madzie's wide grin beamed up at him. “ALEC!”

“Madzie”, he grinned back and, when the girl jumped up into his arms, he almost forgot why it was that he came here. “How are you doing?”

“I'm good and you?”

“Really good.” With the girl on his hip, he walked into the apartment, where Catarina smiled over from her spot on the couch. “Hi Cat.”

“Alec, you're coming on Saturday, right?”

“As soon as you told me about your hockey game I marked it in bright red in my calendar.” He held his pinky finger up to wrap it around Madzie's. “I wouldn't miss it for the world.”

“Magnus said, he'd be my cheerleader”, she giggled on, thankfully missing Alec's face dropping at the mention of that name. “With pompoms!”

“That is awesome”, Alec forced himself to smile.

Without Magnus, Alec wouldn't have met Catarina and Madzie and, especially the quirky little girl had become one of his favourite people. So much so, that even after Magnus had left, Alec was regularly at Catarina's and made sure never to miss one of Madzie's games or recitals.

“Well, I am awesome.” Alec turned to see Magnus standing in the doorway. Wearing the same tight purple shirt with the black pants not hiding anything about his toned and muscular body, as he did this morning in Alec's office, and, of course, the jewellery matching everything to a T. A lot of things about Magnus weren't fair, one of them being that he always looked so damn hot, and especially that it still, despite everything that had happened, managed to send Alec's nerves into overdrive and, even if it was only a momentary lapse of judgement, Alec couldn't help but imagine ripping that damn shirt off Magnus.

“Madzie”, Catarina interrupted the silence, “we should get going. Uncle Ragnor invited us over, remember?”

“Can you two come as well?” Unaware of the tension and of what had happened, Madzie looked between Alec and Magnus with her huge puppy eyes and under normal circumstances, Alec wouldn't say no to anything Madzie asked.

“Next time, alright?”, Alec smiled and, just before he put her on the ground, he put a kiss on her cheek.

“Ok”, she nodded and grabbed Catarina's outstretched hand. “Bye Magnus! Bye Alec!”

After shooting Magnus a pointed look Alec did not miss, Catarina closed the door behind them, leaving Alec and Magnus alone.

No idea how to start this conversation, they just stared at each other. Once upon a time, these looks would have said more than thousands of words, but right now, Alec came up empty. Where he usually could read Magnus' mood with no problems at all, he only saw... Alec wasn't sure.

“Thank you for coming.” Magnus was the one to eventually break the tense silence.

“To make one thing clear, I'm not here to do you any favours.”

“I know you're not. I believe I owe you an apology.”

“I'd prefer an explanation.”

“Well”, Magnus shrugged, “it's a long story.”

“I've got time.”

His arms crossed in front of his chest, Alec did not leave Magnus out of his eyes; pretty sure he was almost staring him down. But he deserved to and Alec would not apologize for his right to an explanation.

“Right. You want to sit?” Magnus gestured at the couch.

“For fucks sake, Magnus, start talking.”

“Listen, there's a lot about my past you don't know, a lot I never told you and it kinda caught up with me. And it would have put you in the cross fire and I love you too much to...”

“But you love me enough to leave me, with nothing, but a little two liner?”, Alec yelled out. “You love me enough, to keep your past a secret from me? And then, once I sort of managed to move on, you dare to come back and fuck everything up again, because you love me so much?”

Whatever Magnus had to offer as explanation or excuses, Alec realized he didn't want to hear any of them. Instead, he was gonna let it all out, before he burst.

“Let me take you through the last two years.” He took a step towards Magnus. “I don't know if you remember, but that Friday, two days after you disappeared, where I had this nice date planned for us? Yeah, I was gonna ask you to marry me.” The pained expression on Magnus' face dropped into pure shock. “Exactly.”

Jace and Izzy had told him he was an idiot and masochist for keeping the ring in his office, but at least now he could just throw it all at Magnus, with all the pent up anger. He just slammed the little blue box down on the table, without breaking eye contact with Magnus, though.

“But, instead of the hoped for 'I do', I got a note. 'My dearest Alexander, I am endlessly sorry, but I have to leave. I can't even begin to describe my pain and sorrow that it has to be this way. I still love you and always will and hope that one day we'll see each other again.'.” Alec had read it so many times, he knew it by heart after two hours and if he closed his eyes, he could see Magnus' handwriting, the artfully swung letters.

“Yes”, he hissed, before Magnus could interject, “I memorized it. I don't know what you thought that writing me a fucking letter would be better than actually talking to me...”

“Because it hurt too fucking much!” Magnus cried out, interrupting him. “You don't understand, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and it broke my heart into a billion little pieces.”

“It broke your heart?” Oh, this was heading for disaster, Alec could feel it. But he couldn't stop. “Do you know what you put me through? What went through my mind? I thought it was my fault that you left, that you had the fuck enough of me and I wasn't worth you properly breaking up with me.”

“No, no, that's not...”

“I'm not done yet!”, he yelled and with every bit he stepped closer towards Magnus. “My anxiety went wild, thinking that maybe something had happened to you. You have no idea, how many nights I woke up, because I dreamt of you lying dead in a ditch, and I couldn't save you! What I fucking had to hear from my Dad, thinking that he was right and kept on saying how good it was that you were gone, that I could finally lead a normal life now. I fucking defended you in front of him, because after all that shit, I still fucking loved you: I excused all of your behaviour, defended you in front of Jace, of Izzy, everybody.”

Alec wasn't sure what really happened, but he found himself right in front of Magnus, who looked up with wide eyes. What was happening? Everything boiled to the surface, it almost felt like Alec's skin was crawling with fire, fire that needed an out. Right in front of Magnus like that, their faces mere centimetres apart, chests almost brushing up against each other... Before Alec knew it had happened, all that passionate manic energy was no longer fuelled by rage.

“Because”, he breathed after a moment, jabbing his finger at Magnus' chest, before grabbing his shirt, “because, after all you put me through, after everything, you're still the fucking love of my life.”

With that he pressed Magnus against the wall and his lips against Magnus'. The kiss was rough, tongues fighting for dominance, teeth scraping over skin, as Alec trailed his jaw. Magnus clawed into Alec's shirt, holding tightly as if he'd drop to the ground if Alec would let go of him.

As they stumbled towards Magnus' bedroom, Alec not gently unbuttoned Magnus' shirt. If any buttons ripped off, neither cared and they neither did when something seemed to rip as Magnus pulled off Alec's shirt.

Nothing about this was loving. They were instead fuelled by pent up anger and frustration. Where last time there were soft kisses, they were baring teeth; where last time there were gentle touches and strokes, there were nails clawing into bare skin. And where last time were whispered love confessions, moaning of names and loving smiles, there was nothing but voiceless panting.

It wasn't hate sex, for as much as he tried, Alec couldn't hate that beautiful man, but it had nothing to with love, either. It was purely animalistic, build up of tension that came crashing down, as they came undone.

It had nothing to do with love, when they drifted off into sleep, still entangled and curled up against each other.

And it definitely had nothing to do with love, when Alec, as he woke up, hurried to get his clothes and out of the flat before Magnus would wake up.

What the fuck did he just do? Ok, fine, Alec had been going through a dry spell for a while and sex with Magnus was just about the best thing on the planet, but seriously? Why the fuck would Alec get back into bed with him?

“Alec?” He tried to slip into his apartment and room unnoticed by his siblings, but no luck. “What's wrong?”

Jace and Izzy planted themselves in front of Alec, denying him any chance to escape.

“You slept with him.” Izzy stared at him with wide eyes and Alec was pretty sure it was a statement or accusation, rather than a question.

“What? No, Alec wouldn't be that stupid to... Oh, come on!”, Jace groaned, when Alec's face flushed for being caught, without even having said anything. Sometimes it really sucked that his siblings could read him like that.

“Right, that's gonna be a tough one. Jace get the Vodka and you're with me.” Izzy grabbed Alec's arm and pulled him to the couch.

“Can I please just...”

“No.” Izzy didn't even let him finish and pushed him down into the cushions. “We're not gonna let you wallow in self-pity, already did that for two years.”

“Fine...” Alec rolled his eyes but knew better than to try and start a discussion. Until Jace only came back with two glasses. “What, I don't get a drink?”

“I think we need it more”, his brother shrugged, handing Izzy a glass, which they both downed.

“Huh”, she sighed, “now I'm ready to listen to your reasoning for sleeping with your ex.”

“I don't know what to tell you”, Alec mumbled. “I came by Catarina's, so we could talk it out. Well, mostly I talked, involving a lot of yelling. And then... I don't know what came over me, but I guess rage is just another form of passion...”

“And do you feel better now?”

“Yes”, he deadpanned. “I feel fucking ecstatic. Which is why it'd be totally alright for you to let me go to my room, where I can best figure out a way to face him again.”

“Who says you have to?”

“Madzie's hockey game.” No matter how awkward it would be, even if it'd be downright terribly horrific, Alec would not let that little girl down.

“I need another one”, Izzy declared and held her glass out to Jace, who filled it right up again, before pouring some for him.

“For fuck's sake”, Alec groaned, grabbed the bottle out of Jace's hand and took a few generous sips. The burn in his throat was almost pleasant as was the warm feeling enveloping Alec's chest.

“Dude, you're not even in a relationship and it is more work than me sneaking Simon in and out of here for months...”

“Months?” Both brothers turned to Izzy. “I thought you were dating for like two or three weeks until we found you out?”

“Right, because you can only have sex when you're officially dating. Isn't that right, Alec?”

Amplified by alcohol, the heat and accompanying blush rose in Alec's face. “I should just break up with him, like properly.”

“And with that please just get rid of the engagement ring”, Jace pleaded. “If you're closing the chapter, close it for real.”

Shit. Only now, Alec was aware of the little blue box, still on the coffee table at Catarina's... Well, that was taken care of then. “Already got rid of it.”

“Where did you sell it?”

“I didn't”, he mumbled.

“Please tell me you did the dramatic thing and threw it into the East River...”

“Not exactly...”, Alec admitted, the blush reaching maximum intensity. “Kinda shoved it at Magnus earlier. But he can do with it what he wants”, he quickly added, when Izzy and Jace rolled their eyes, and downed their vodkas. “I've gotten rid of the thing. After Madzie's game I'll really break it off.”

*****

“Congratulations!”, Alec laughed, when Madzie came running of the field, with the little trophy in her hands.

“Thanks!”, she squealed and showed the cup off to Catarina, Ragnor, Magnus and Alec. “I have to give it back right now, I just wanted to show you.”

“We're all so proud of you, honey”, Catarina smiled and kissed her daughter's head.

“You were amazing”, Magnus nodded along.

“You think you could teach this old man a few tricks?”, Ragnor asked and Madzie just beamed up.

“We can practise tomorrow! With you all!”, she decided and, after shooting them another wide grin, she ran back to her celebrating team.

“Well, if the past is anything to go by, they're gonna celebrate a while”, Catarina shrugged.

“Oh, do you remember the semi-finals last year?”, Alec recalled with a laugh.

“You mean when they started the ice cube battle with their trainer?” Ragnor joined in the laughter at the picture of the thirty-something year old trainer, soaking wet from head to toe, hugging each of the children until they were just as soaked as she was. Of course, Madzie had to come and put an ice cube down Alec's shirt, and he still hadn't found the right leverage to get Catarina to delete that picture of his face pulled into that shocked grimace.

As much as he tried to ignore him during the game, Alec couldn't help but feel a little bit sorry for Magnus, who stood by their side, a little lost, having missed out on so much in their lives. Then again, it was Magnus' fault in the first place.

Of course, Catarina noticed the looks on their faces and was probably very aware of what had happened in her guest room the other day. “Tell you what: me and Ragnor stay here and you two go and talk it out.”

Since her tone didn't really leave much room for discussion, Alec and Magnus made their way to Alec's car and silently drove off.

They were almost at Catarina's apartment complex, when Magnus spoke up. “Do you think we should talk about what happened?”

Alec had though about it a lot over the last few days, well, in all honesty it was the only thing he thought about. He had come to the simple conclusion: no. They were both consenting adults, and seeing Magnus again hadn't been as awkward as he feared, so Alec thought it best to leave it be, to remember it somewhat neutral. Which is what he told Magnus, then continued: “I think we should talk about what's happening next.”

Alec took a deep breath and continued, just as he drove into the car park by the building complex. “I know we're not really together. But maybe officially breaking up would do us both good.” Even though Alec focused on the narrow garage to find an empty parking space, he noticed Magnus' face dropping, with it the hope that maybe they could have worked this out.

“S'pose you're right”, he eventually mumbled, without looking up at Alec. “If that's what you need, then that's what we'll do.”

Alec brought the car to a halt and turned to Magnus. “I thought a lot about what I need. And I decided I don't need apologies, explanations or shit like that, I need closure.”

“Right.” Feeling Alec's eyes on him, Magnus turned to Alec, nodding his understanding. “Then I guess we're officially breaking up now.”

“We are.”

As soon as he said it, some of the tension seemed to vanish from Alec's shoulders and he could lean back a little more relaxed. He didn't break his gaze with Magnus though who, although they had arrived, didn't motion to leave the car.

As it had been last time they were face to face, Alec couldn't read Magnus' look. There was the obvious, sadness, even a bit of pain that things between them were really, truly over. But there was something else, something in his look that Alec couldn't put his finger on.

Alec did not get the chance to dwell on it any longer, as Magnus suddenly moved and his lips were on Alec's. Barely realizing he was doing it, Alec put a hand on Magnus neck, pulling him closer, and he climbed over onto Alec's lap, with their lips locked at all times. The hungrier and more passionate their kisses grew, the tighter they pressed against each other.

Wide eyed, with reddish swollen lips, Magnus looked down on Alec, hungrily, and moments later they lips met again, in a rough, animalistic kiss. Being pinned down, Alec could do nothing but surrender to Magnus' body, his movements, the hands holding tightly onto Alec's shoulders and the lips that only left Alec's, when he kissed down his neck and pressed his face against Alec's shoulder to stifle any moans and cries.

Alec returned the favour, his face pressed against the chest looming above him, clawing into Magnus' back for dear life, holding him as close as he could, desperate for as much of Magnus as he could get; desperate to burn the memory of Magnus' touch into his skin.

Coming back down, Magnus' lips found Alec's again, so much more tender and softer, almost reminiscent of what used to be.

“Broken up, hey?”, Magnus mumbled after a while, barely more than a hoarse whisper.

“Yeah”, was all Alec got out.

It felt like hours that they sat in silence, holding each other close, their laboured breaths the only sound in the car, which too went quieter and more even after a while.

“I should probably go.”

“Yeah.”

Magnus rolled off Alec once more and, after making sure that everything that had to be dressed was dressed, he climbed out of the car. “Guess I'll see you around.”

The sound of the car door closing echoed for minutes through Alec's head, as he tried to form a coherent thought. When at last the white noise in his head ebbed enough for him to at least be able to focus on traffic, he pulled out of the car park and drove back home, where thankfully, he could slip into his room unnoticed.

With a deep sigh he fell on the bed, intent on staying there until he had to get back to work on Monday morning, if not for a weird clanging noise.

It was a little blue box, the little blue box, that had fallen out of his coat pocket. 'You should keep it, so you one day can give it to a person that actually deserves you', read the note, that was fastened on it, in Magnus' beautiful almost calligraphy-like writing.

For the first time in two years, Alec opened the box, something he hadn't dared to do since the night he found that note. As flashy as Magnus was about his style and especially his accessories, Alec had opted for something a little more classic. It was a silver band, a simple black coloured line carved into it. It was the inside that mattered though. Once he had gotten it out, Alec let the box drop on the ground again.

'Aku Cinta Kamu'. Gently, Alec traced the carving of the declaration of his love. The love that was his and Magnus' and only theirs. Or at least it had been theirs. As hard as he searched his feelings, Alec wasn't sure if he still loved him. There were just so many feelings, he had a hard time deciphering them. Clearly, Magnus still had an inexplicable hold over Alec, and a kiss was enough to light enough passion to power a small town.

How much further than physicality did it go, though? Alec was pretty sure he didn't trust Magnus any more. A mutual understanding wasn't in the cards either, and neither was faith.

So that's what it was, then. A physical attraction, drawing Alec in, whenever he and Magnus were around each other, always ending with them naked, craving the other's touch, even wanton. It was a game that kept on repeating itself almost every time Magnus and Alec ran into each other over the following weeks.

“This being broken up thing is really working out for us, huh?”, Magnus remarked, rolling on his side to face Alec.

Alec still was a little too breathless for proper talking, and his brain still wasn't quite able to form any coherent thought beyond: 'fuck, that was good.'

Catarina's birthday had been a pretty nice party, but of course, fuelled by alcohol it didn't take too long for Alec and Magnus to disappear into Magnus' room. And now they lay side by side, panting, sweating, like they had so many times, with one big difference: they weren't touching. It might be weird to say that about the guy he's having sex with, but Alec was careful not to be too intimate with Magnus, that is emotionally intimate or vulnerable.

During sex, he was happy for every bit of Magnus he could touch, every touch of Magnus' set his entire body on fire. But once the high had gone down again... They never talked about it, but Magnus seemed to have noticed it and kept his distance afterwards.

“I guess this falls more under the category of friends with benefits than ex-boyfriends”, Alec eventually remarked.

“It's probably all shades of wrong for me to bring this up now, but I'd love to see your Dad's face when you tell him that we're fuck-buddies.”

“Omigod.” Alec just snorted a laugh at the though of that. “Never gonna happen. I'm not putting anybody through my Dad's homophobia unless that somebody is a serious contender for happily ever after.”

“Well.” Magnus got up and got to dressing himself again. “Then I'm happy, I at least was once a contender in the run for your life.” He shot him a weak smile, that failed horribly at masking his sadness and pain, before he turned and left Alec by himself again.

Fuck. Maybe, they just shouldn't talk after sex. That only seemed to help further the confusion of emotional turbulences.

Once he was dressed, he walked back out towards the party, just to be stopped in front of Madzie's door.

“Alec?” The girl glanced through the ajar door.

“Honey, you're supposed to be asleep! What's wrong, had a nightmare?”

She silently nodded and Alec slipped into the room and scooped the girl up in his arms.

“Well, then I'll protect you now”, he decided as he carried her back to her bed.

“Come here.” She scooted all the way to the wall to make enough room for Alec to lie down next to her. Even though her bed was a little short for his long legs, and he wasn't the biggest fan of pink princess bedding, it was actually quite comfortable. And when the girl snuggled against his side, nothing else mattered any more.

“Do you want me to read you a story?”

Completely ignoring his question she looked up. “Can I ask you something?”

“Everything.”

“Are you and Magnus not in love any more?”

“No, sweetheart, we're not.”

“Why?”

That was a talk he really could do without, especially with a ten year old. “A lot of difficult things happened over the last years, you know, when he was not here, and I guess it just happened.”

“It's so stupid that he had to go away”, Madzie decided. “He and Mum argue about it all the time.”

“They do?”

“Yeah”, she nodded, “when they think I'm in bed and asleep. Mum is really cross with him. Are you cross with him?”

“No”, Alec answered honestly. “I was cross, when he left for so long, but I'm not cross any more.” It was true. Maybe his anger and rage had been powered out these last two months in bed with Magnus, but it had gradually gone down and Alec could in all honesty say that he wasn't angry any more. There were a lot of feelings, but no anger. “Are you cross with him?”

“A bit”, she admitted, “because he left, just like Dad, left and...”

“Honey, Magnus is not like your Dad”, Alec assured her and wiped the tear from her cheek. “Magnus loves you so much. And I do, too. And so does Ragnor. You got like three uncles, that's pretty fancy.”

Wide eyed she looked up, before the grin broke through and she started giggling. “That's really fancy.”

“So, how about a story, and then it's sleepy time?”

“Sleepy time is for babies”, she shot back, “and I'm already ten.”

“You're right”, Alec answered, fighting to keep the grin down. “Well, I call it bedtime. That cool enough for a ten year old?”

“Yes”, she decided. “And you can still read me a story.”

“Then that I'll do”, he smiled and grabbed the book that laid by her bedside. “Oh, The Hobbit, I love this book!”

“Me too”, she grinned, “Mum is already reading it for the fourth time. We're just coming to the part with Gollum and the riddles.”

“That's my favourite part!” He opened the book, putting the delicate flower book mark out of harm's way and started reading: “When Bilbo opened his eyes, he wondered if he had; for it was just as dark as with them shut. No one was anywhere near him. Just imagine his fright!”

Alec was woken by a loud bang, probably a door slamming. It took him a moment to get used to the darkness around him and for him to realize that he was still folded into Madzie's bed, the girl halfway on his stomach. Fortunately the noise hadn't woken her and Alec was careful as he climbed out and tiptoed out into the living room. The party must have been over for quite a while, only Catarina was still there, curled on the couch.

“Hey Cat, everything alright?”

“Yeah”, she nodded, but Alec didn't quite buy it. “Thanks for looking after Madzie.”

“Of course, I love that girl and reading The Hobbit.” He made himself comfortable next to her, happy to stretch his legs out after being squashed in the small bed. “You want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“Whatever has you upset”, he explained.

“Not sure you're the one I should talk with...”, she shrugged and took a sip from her cup, that Alec hadn't even noticed until now.

“So I assume it's about Magnus.” He took her silence as affirmative answer. “Madzie told me that you two fight a lot. Which I get, I'm by no means the only one he screwed over and I think I should really apologize for not realizing how hard this must be for you.” With a gentle squeeze to her hand, Alec hoped to communicate all the sincerity.

“Thanks”, she smiled and squeezed his hand right back. “It's not like I was planning to propose to him, but yeah, I believe I got reason to be mad.”

“You do”, he assured her, deciding to ignore the fact that he never told Cat about the proposal. She probably saw the ring, after Alec had left it here the other day.

“Are you still angry, or have you already dealt with all that passion another way?”

Alec blushed, and looked down on his lap, not sure he could hold Catarina's gaze. “I don't think I'm that mad any more. Guess, I'm resigned to the fact that things between us are purely physical.”

“You sure?”

“I am”, he nodded, “at least for my part. With him left all trust, mutual understanding and faith in him. How the fuck am I supposed to love someone I don't trust?”

“Is that why you don't want any explanations?”

“I'm feeling like I'm on a psychiatrist's couch”, he chuckled.

“I don't want to psychoanalyse you”, Catarina defended herself. “But if a guy can go from 'I wanted to propose' to 'I'm not mad any more'...”

“If your conclusion is that I'm just hiding every emotion behind sex... Fine, I'm not gonna argue you on that. But it's really just sex.”

“Right then. Unfortunately, me and Magnus don't have that, so all our emotions are all pretty bare.”

“I can imagine it's tough, having him on your couch.”

With a deep sigh, Catarina leaned over, against Alec's side and he put his arm around her. “You know I love that guy, he's one of my favourite people. He just doesn't let anyone help him and it's such a fight to get him to open up...”

“Tell me about it”, Alec scoffed, “I think we were already living together, when I found out about what his step-dad did to him. But that's why I feel I'm better off without hearing his story; he's not gonna tell me everything anyway, so why bother with half-truths?”

“Good point.”

As they sat in silence, Alec thought over what he just said. Were his trust-issues the only reason he didn't want to know about the past? Or was he just scared of the truth? Magnus did mention something about his past catching up with him. As long as Alec didn't know about that though, it wouldn't tarnish the years they had together, when everything was red roses and cocktails.

Would it change anything in their current relationship, if Alec knew? Maybe he wouldn't want to be around Magnus at all after finding out, which would be a shame since their current situation worked out rather nicely for Alec. It wasn't optimal. Still, allowing him to have just enough of Magnus without losing himself in the process was the best deal in a crappy situation, so until Alec was ready to either end it, or hear Magnus out, it was what he'd stick with.

“You're welcome to sleep here”, Cat offered, when she made her way to her bed.

“Thanks”, he smiled back, “don't really feel like driving home right now.” He grabbed the blanket that hung over the back of the couch he had slept so often on.

“Sleep well, then.”

The lights went out, Cat's bedroom door closed and Alec was left by himself in the living room, somehow wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

Well, there was one sure fire way to tire him out... As quietly as he could he tiptoed over to the guest room and slipped inside. Just as Alec had done moments ago, Magnus lay on the bed, silently staring at the ceiling, only sitting up, when Alec came inside.

“Can't sleep?”

“Nope.” Alec walked over, sat next to Magnus on the bed.

The few seconds as they just stared at each other was enough communication, so neither was very surprised when before long they were tangled up in each other, their clothes thrown across the room with probably a few less buttons on them. They were almost silent, except for laboured breaths and the creaking of the bed; almost silent when they found their climax, almost silent when they fell back on the bed and soon enough dozed off.

Catarina barely raised an eyebrow at Alec, as he made his way out of Magnus' room the next morning, probably having expected that to happen. Alec just blushed, but was glad she didn't say anything. He decided that it'd be best if he were on his way anyway, before he'd sleep with Magnus for a third time in less than 8 hours.

The hope that Alec could just forget about Magnus for a while and just go on with his life was squashed the moment he walked into the apartment. Jace, Clary, Izzy and Simon were sitting on the couch, looking at him expectantly. Fuck.

“What's this then?”, he asked, gesturing at the four.

“An intervention.”

“Oh fuck no”, Alec groaned but, before he could turn and walk off to his room, Jace grabbed him by the arm.

“Oh fuck yes”, he made clear and pulled Alec behind him. “You're gonna listen to what we have to say. Because we're fucking worried about you.”

“There's no need to be.” Alec had no idea how to make them understand that he had things with Magnus under control.

“Magnus is like a drug to you. You think that yeah, once or twice ain't bad, until you lose yourself in trying to chase the high.”

“Right, I'm an addict”, Alec scoffed.

“Yes, you are”, Simon made clear. “After having watched my Mum going through all that, trust me, I recognize the signs. Your next argument will be that it's not like you're hurting anyone, since you and Magnus are both consenting adults. Besides you've got it totally under control and you could stop any time you wanted to, right?”

Oh, fuck. Simon hit bull's eye. Alec wasn't really in the mood to give him credit or anything. He just motioned to protest, when Simon continued talking. “And now you're gonna protest, saying that it's not like that and that we have no idea what you're going through and how you're feeling and that we wouldn't act any differently if we were in your position.”

Izzy grabbed Simon's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and some of the tension released from his shoulders. Having watched his Mum go through addiction and fighting to stay dry, this was a sensitive topic for him.

“I appreciate what you're doing”, Alec forced himself to smile; maybe the amicable and understanding route would get him out of this and into the privacy of his room.

“But”, Simon continued his comment, “Magnus isn't an addiction, it's just a bad habit, right?”

He didn't even give Alec the chance to justify his actions, and continued right away. “You're an addict in denial and Magnus is your drug. You can argue it all you want, but it won't change the truth. Please, just get it, before you lost yourself completely in whatever you're trying to tell yourself that this relationship is.”

Fuck. That was real, a lot realer than he bargained for. And a lot deeper than he ever would have given Simon credit to be.

Was he right, though? Was Alec addicted to Magnus? Just a few hours ago he had told Catarina that he had his feelings under control, only to slip into Magnus' bed a few minutes later. Fuck.

“Alright. I'll keep it in mind.” From the looks on his friends and siblings' faces, Alec was pretty sure they didn't buy a word of what he was saying. But there was nothing else he could say. Yes, being with Magnus was like a rush, a high, that's what he did come back for. But it wasn't like it would kill him and since he probably wasn't in love with Magnus any more, it wouldn't break his heart either. Also they were broken up and Alec was adamant about the romantic and emotional distance they were keeping.

So what, if his body enjoyed it? He had the damn right to enjoy himself and do what and whoever he pleased.

Izzy looked like she heard every thought that went through Alec's head in the last few silent moments. “You're a damn masochist, you know that?”

“Probably, or I wouldn't have moved in with you two”, he joked, but was met with a wall of frustration.

“It's not funny, Alec. We're seriously worried about you.”

“And that means the world to me. I just don't understand how having great sex is bad for me.”

“It's not what you're doing, it's who you're doing”, Clary tried one more time. “Would you be happy if Izzy had kept on doing Meliorn after they broke up?”

Fuck, Clary had a point. Meliorn had lied and lied to his little sister, not unlike Magnus had lied to him.

“Suggestion: how about you ask Magnus about everything that has happened, about his reasons for leaving and where he's been the last few years. If you still want to fuck him, you're either a lost cause or there's more to your relationship than you're letting on.”

Izzy, always the pragmatic. It was a good point, that exactly hit Alec's fear: what if he didn't want to be with Magnus any more after he knew what happened? What if his secrets, his story was too much for Alec to handle?

“Just FYI”, Simon shrugged, “if you're scared to ask Magnus out of fear you'll lose your fix, you're most definitely hooked.”

Sometimes Alec really hated his friends for knowing him like that.

“I'll talk to him”, he promised, since this was the only way he could get out of this and hoped to everything that they would just believe him, even if Alec himself wasn't sure if he meant it.

“I'll believe that when I see it”, Jace scoffed. “But alright. We've said our piece, the next step is on you.”

Not sure what to say, Alec just nodded and hesitantly got up. But nobody stopped him as he made his way to his bedroom, where he dropped on his bed. Out of the bedside table he got the ring out, tracing the carvings.

Aku Cinta Kamu. I love you.

Was Magnus just his drug, his way of getting high? If yes, then playing with the ring was like a smoker flicking his lighter.

Alec had meant it, when he broke up with Magnus, putting all that behind himself, or so he thought. But if he really meant it, then he shouldn't be afraid of learning the truth. Right then. Proofing his innocence to himself or to his sibling, Alec wasn't sure, but it had to end, now.

Alec: Central Park in thirty minutes

Magnus: I'll be there.

“And where are you going?”, Jace called out, when Alec headed for the door, not fifteen minutes after coming back home.

“To find out the truth”, he answered, didn't bother to give them any chances for further examination and walked out.

Gapstow Bridge was his destination. He didn't have to tell Magnus, he knew since it had always been their spot, as stereotypically kitschy as it was. There they had their first kiss, Magnus had asked Alec about moving in together and it was there that Alec wanted to propose. It would be only right to end everything there as well.

When he arrived, Magnus was already there, sitting on the balustrade.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

Alec sat himself down next to Magnus. With his longer legs they were barely dangling, more scraping on the stone underneath them. It was really nice, actually. Not a lot of people were around and Alec and Magnus really had the chance for a proper conversation.

“I changed my mind.”

“About what?” Magnus looked over, somewhat curios and, if Alec read it right, a sliver of hope.

“About what happened.” After a deep sigh he turned to Magnus. “I want to know what happened, I deserve to know the truth. All of it.”

“Oh.” Magnus' head dropped and he fidgeted with his fingers. “Yeah, I guess you do. Do you mind a question first, though?”

Alec gestured for Magnus to ask ahead, who looked back up at Alec. “Can I ask you what changed?”

Now it was Alec who looked away. “I didn't want to know these last few weeks, because what if I didn't like what I'd hear? What if I really don't want anything to do with you any more? When I got home from Cat's earlier, my siblings had staged an intervention, telling me that this” - he gestured between them - “is nothing but an addiction, chasing some high. And I guess I didn't want to know because I was scared the knowledge wouldn't balance out with the rush of being with you. So I guess I just want to proof to them and myself that this, our... thing, isn't like playing with fire because I need the fix.”

“Catarina had a similar theory”, Magnus shrugged after Alec's speech had sunken in. “Guess our friends do know us better than we know ourselves.”

“But that's the reason I want to know. I feel like I don't know you any more”, Alec blurted out. “I look at you...” He turned and locked eyes with Magnus. “I once could read that face like an open book. And now there's so much I don't understand.”

“I get that.” Magnus quickly turned his head, but the hurt was clear for even Alec to see. “Right. Chances are you might not want to be around me any more after I told you this, but that's a chance I'll have to take. So, I'll start from the beginning. That is about 10, 15 years ago. I told you about the deal with my dad, right?”

Alec nodded. He knew the story of Magnus' stepdad, blaming Magnus for his Mum's suicide and letting it out on the teen. Magnus had told him, when Alec discovered the scar on his back.

“Well, once that came out and he went to jail, I ended up on the streets, but not for long. I know I said I came to live with a foster family, but...” Magnus took a deep breath and looked back up. He just motioned to speak, when the shame in his face dropped and turned into shock and what almost looked like fear.

“NOOO!”, he cried out and pushed Alec back.

“What the...” Before Alec really knew what had happened, he found himself on the way down and splashing into the pond.

“WHAT THE FUCK?”, he yelled as he came up, spluttering and gasping for breath. “Magnus! What the fuck did you do that for?”

But no answer came from the bridge and Magnus didn't sit on the balustrade where he had been a few moments ago any more.

Great. Fucking fantastic. So much for telling Alec the truth... Barely started and he pushes him off the fucking bridge to get away? That was a whole 'nother level of cowardice that Alec did not expect from Magnus.

Dripping from head to toe, he climbed out of the water and headed back up the bridge, when all the air was sucked from his lungs at the sight in front of him. “No!” What was supposed to be a scream only came out a hoarse whimper. With two big steps, he was by Magnus' side, who lay on the ground, bleeding, barely awake.

“Hey, Magnus, it's gonna be alright, you're gonna be fine”, Alec kept on repeating, not sure whether he tried to assure Magnus or himself. “I'm gonna get help right away.”

With his phone in the pond somewhere, he got Magnus' phone to dial 911, which he just managed to do with the tears blurring his vision.

“Alexander...”

“It's gonna be fine”, Alec repeated and finally the fucking first response picked up. After more or less crying out the situation and location, Alec dropped the phone and pressed down on Magnus' side, that was bleeding so fucking much... Alec almost got sick.

“I'm sorry”, Magnus choked out.

“It's ok”, Alec repeated, cupping Magnus' cheek with one hand. “You don't have to be sorry right now. Just stay with me and then we'll talk once you're rested, ok? And I promise, I'll be right there with you.”

Magnus managed a weak smile as his eye lids dropped. “I love you.”

“Magnus? Magnus, stay with me, damnit! You're not getting out of telling your story that easily!”

But there was no more reaction from Magnus. Before his panic could overrun him, Alec checked to find a pulse and that he was still breathing. Both extremely weak, but still, a pulse.

It felt forever until he heard the ambulance coming towards them, time in which Alec kept Magnus close, kept pressure on the wound and kept on telling Magnus how he'd be alright again and how everything would be fine, all that while unholy amounts of tears streamed down his face.

And then everything happened at once. Magnus was heaved on a gurney and was pushed away. “Please, let me come he... he's my boyfriend”, he eventually got out pleading with the paramedics to take him along and succeeded, probably out of fear that Alec would hurt himself if they left him behind. They were probably right in that assessment. He sat by Magnus' head as they rushed through New York. He pretty much ignored what the medics did, until they turned to him. “Can you tell us what happened?”

Alec just shook his head. “We were talking and suddenly, he pushes me off the bridge”, he got out between sobs. “When I climbed back out...”

“I assume that he saved your life then”, one paramedic smiled, patting Alec's shoulder somewhat reassuringly.

Alec didn't really process it though. All that mattered was the man in front of him and the fact that his chest kept on rising and falling with weak, but steady breaths. With one hand, he stroked Magnus' head, while he wiped his tears off with the other.

When they arrived at the hospital, Alec switched to automated actions. He just had to follow Magnus, so he could keep his promise to stay with him. But, once they arrived in front of the operating theatres, he was held back.

“I'm sorry, but you can't go beyond this point.”

“No, no, you... you don't understand”, Alec stammered, “I promised.”

“I understand, but sir, this is an operating theatre, I have to ask you to wait for your boyfriend's surgery to finish. Afterwards you can sit with him.”

“No, please”, he begged, his voice almost giving out. “I need to be...”

“For now I need you to go with my colleague.” Alec hadn't even realized the nurse coming up on his side.

“I'm Ellen Carruthers. Please, if you'd follow me so you can get cleaned and into a change of clothes.”

Alec looked down himself and only now remembered that he was still soaked from his involuntary bath, and all that mixed with blood. So much blood...

“Ok”, he agreed, having no strength left to fight. “But then...”

“Afterwards you can come right back here”, Nurse Carruthers assured him.

“Ok.”

According to the clock on the wall the operation lasted somewhat around three hours, but to Alec it felt like days. He couldn't sit still, kept on pacing along the hallway in his not exactly perfectly fitting hospital outfit, until a man showed up by his side.

“Alexander Lightwood I presume?” The man smiled at Alec, but nothing about the smile was friendly.

“You're Asmodeus, head of the Indonesian mob.” Alec wasn't sure what to make of the mafia boss, he had heard so much about in the news; he really had Al Capone levels of mobster fame. What the fuck did he want here, and what the fuck did he want with Alec?

“Oh, it pains me that this is the only thing you know of me; we should have met long ago. Let me properly introduce myself. My full name is Asmodeus Bane.” He held his hand out to Alec, who didn't quite believe what happened in front of him.

“You're Magnus'...”

“Father, yes, that's me.”

Magnus' birth father. Who, according to Magnus, had died many many years ago, when Magnus was just a child. And now he stood next to Alec, very much alive and very fucking smug.

“It's so unfortunate what happened. As awkward as it might be to say this the first time meeting my son-in-law, but that bullet was meant for you...”

“Excuse me, what?”

“You heard me”, the man shrugged. “I had a deal with Magnus and he broke it. But, of course, he has to jump in, doesn't he?”

Asmodeus seemed to be more concerned about the bullet hitting the wrong person than his own fucking son, currently fighting for his life!

“That's what worries you?”, Alec hissed, “not the fact that your own son might be dying?”

“That's the take away?” Asmodeus turned to Alec, his eyebrows raised. “Interesting”, he mused, as a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“What is?”

“That you just brushed past my deal with Magnus and instead worry about the guy, who, and I quote, after all he put you through, after everything, is still the fucking love of your life.” He shot Alec some exaggerated heart eyes, as he sighed dramatically at that.

“How do you know what I said to him?”

“Darling, you know who I am. I'm sure you can imagine the sort of resources at my disposal.”

He bugged Catarina's place, he probably bugged his own apartment as well!

“You son of a bitch”, Alec growled. “You better get to the fucking point before I punch you in the face or call the cops.”

“Adorable, really, but that would most definitely backfire for you. My friends are more powerful than yours...”

“What do you want? Because you sure as fuck aren't here for Magnus.”

“I'm here to get to know the man that has stolen my son's heart.” That smile sent shivers down Alec's spine, more creepy was probably not possible.

“Well, I don't feel the need to get to know you, so you're welcome to just go.” With that, Alec turned away from Asmodeus and back towards the door, separating him from Magnus. Who had taken a bullet for him.

“Maybe you don't want to get to know me”, Asmodeus mused, still not fucking off. “But I do know what happened the last few years and I do know why Magnus is lying in there with a bullet to his torso.”

Fuck. Asmodeus had him, and he knew it. Alec just wanted to wipe that damn smug grin of his face, as he turned back to face the older man, with his arms crossed.

“Please, I believe it'd be best if we talked a little privately.”

“I'm not leaving, because unlike you, I actually care about him.”

“Ouch! But I wasn't planning on taking you away; there's a private room, just to your right we can occupy for a bit.”

“And what keeps you from shooting me now?” As little of a fuck as Alec gave about Asmodeus, he did already confess to wanting Alec dead.

“You're smarter than I thought”, he grinned. “Fine, we'll stay here. Do you have a specific question you'd like answered?”

“Just talk.”

“Right then, getting straight to the point, a man after my liking. Well, after that very ugly business with Magnus' stepfather, I figured the boy needed a father to take care of him. So I took him in again. And he was good at taking care of business. Don't worry”, he hurriedly added, when Alec's face fell, “he worked in my legal businesses.” Alec doubted that anything Asmodeus did was legal, but at least legal enough for him to launder his money.

“Until one day, he found a document that might not have been all that flattering. See, Magnus' mother might not have exactly killed herself, but it's all very hard to proof. Which is what I tried to explain to my son, but he left, took off to New York City.”

What an asshole. He had his ex-wife murdered?

“I lost sight of him for a while; it took my guys about five years to find him again. And what they told me, about my dear Magnus, in a committed relationship, in love, living with his boyfriend, who was actually about to propose... Oh, it all but broke my heart. For you see, where I'm from, family is important to me. “

Unless it's your ex-wife, her you have killed.

“And I knew, the only way to get Magnus to come back to me, was if things with you ended. Now I had the choice: do I get you to break his heart, or his to break yours? I first of all thought about approaching you. If you ended things, he'd come running back to me, without too much prompting. But once he'd be over you, he'd leave me again, and the game would start anew. But if I threatened to take away what he loved most...” That devilish grin spread over Asmodeus' face again. “So it was simple. I told him that if he wouldn't come back to me, to the family, you'd be sleeping with the fishes.” He looked so proud about the Godfather quote, but Alec only felt sick.

“For two years he was back at his old position, still not taking part in anything illegal, but working side by side with my son... Ah, it was wonderful. I still had my guys in the city keeping an eye on you and well, to say it wasn't heartbreaking to watch you all lost and alone, would be a lie. But of course, Magnus just can't keep it in his pants”, he tutted, offering Alec a half-hearted shrug. “I'm terribly sorry for coming after you, but a deal is a deal, and I am a man of my word.”

“What”, Alec scoffed, when Asmodeus shot him an expectant grin. “Do you want me to thank you for putting a hit out on me?”

“I guess not... But I can offer you this little solace: Magnus has stayed faithful to you throughout the years; there was nobody else, he loves only you.”

“At least he knows what love is”, Alec shot at the man, who raised a surprised eyebrow. “You don't love Magnus, no matter how much you tell yourself you do. What you feel for him is possessiveness. But Magnus isn't just an object, not just a pawn for you to push and pull over the board as you please.”

“And what do you presume to know about my feelings? How do you know a father's love?”

“I don't”, Alec made clear, locking eyes with Asmodeus. “I don't because my father doesn't really love me, either. Because if he did, if you loved Magnus like a father should, our happiness would be more important to you than your thought-up claim of ownership. And now, if you'd excuse me.” With that, Alec turned and walked away, not gracing Asmodeus with so much as another glance.

***

The doctor had said that the operation was a success, that everything went perfectly well and that Magnus would wake up in a couple of hours, once the anaesthetics had worn off.

Alec would believe it the moment he actually saw Magnus opening his eyes, but allowed that bit of hope. So he stayed by his bedside, never leaving. And neither did Asmodeus. He didn't come inside, but he stayed close; every now and then Alec caught his eye as he walked past Magnus' room, looking through the little window.

Those were some intense few hours and Alec had no fucking clue how to take any of this.

So, Magnus was the son of the modern day Pablo Escobar. Which in itself was already quite the pill to swallow, if it weren't also for the fact that the Al Capone of the 21st century had a hit out on Alec. And there he was a few hours ago, thinking that liking sex with his ex too much was the biggest issue he had to face.

“Seriously, Magnus, what the fuck?”, he just sighed, grabbing the still hand. “I mean, I knew you were trouble when you walked into my life, all glittery and dramatic... Sure, my Dad hates you just as much as yours hates me, but at least Robert didn't put a hit out on you!”

Not sure where it came from, but a chuckle bubbled through and Alec couldn't help a soft laugh. “Shit, I wanted to break up with you today, like properly. Not like last time, but for reals. And then you go ahead and take a fucking bullet for me. A literal fucking bullet! I still don't get why you'd come back to me, knowing that Tony Soprano would follow. Doesn't matter now, what does is that the surgery went well and that you're gonna be alright. And I'm sure we'll be alright too. So, you can get your beauty sleep without any worry, because I'm not going anywhere.”

And that Alec kept. He sat by Magnus' side, not letting go of his hand, as the hours ticked by. The sun was about to set, when someone knocked on his door. Oh fuck, Alec really didn't want to go another round with Asmodeus, but it was Izzy who put her head through the door. “Can I come in?”

Alec nodded and she hurried over to his side, wrapping Alec up in her arms. “What happened?”

“Long story”, Alec sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned into his sister's touch. “Better question: how are you here?”

“You know, I have these two amazing things called feet”, she explained and grinned at his eye roll. “None of us had heard from you after you left head over heels like that and nobody could reach you either. We eventually called Catarina, who said you're here.”

“Yeah, sorry, my phone is somewhere underneath Gapstow Bridge. Went swimming earlier”, he shrugged at her confused grimace, “felt like a nice way to commemorate Magnus taking a bullet for me.”

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, would you please tell me what the fuck happened?”

“So, when you came over, you didn't happen to walk past anybody... curious?”

“No, not except for the guy from the wanted poster hanging all over the precinct. Shit, what?”

“So, apparently the Don's full name is Asmodeus Bane.”

“Oh, Alec!” Izzy flopped down on his lap, wrapping herself a little tighter around him. “Magnus is his son, isn't he?”

“Yup. And apparently they have sort of a deal: Magnus stays with the mob, or I'll get... well, you know.” Alec had to gulp at that. It still felt somewhat surreal, being on the mafia's wanted list and as real as the bullet going through Magnus' torso and Asmodeus' earlier threat were, Alec still didn't fully grasp it.

“So why the fuck aren't you leaving?”

“Because...” Why wasn't he? “Because that bullet was supposed to hit me. Because Magnus jumped in and saved my life. Because I don't give a fuck about Asmodeus right now, which he knows, I told him that. Because I promised Magnus I would stay by his side. Because...”

“Because you still love him.” Izzy finished his sentence he didn't dare to finish.

“Maybe.” He buried his face in the crook of Izzy's neck. “I don't know any more. There was just too much that happened in the last few hours and I'm honestly glad I remember my own name at this point.”

“That I believe. And can I say you're equally brave and idiotic for telling Asmodeus of all people to fuck off.”

“It definitely felt good”, he chuckled.

“I'm sure it did”, she grinned back. “So, listen, are you gonna be alright by yourself? My break's almost over and I need to get back to the precinct.”

“Don't worry about me”, Alec assured her, “I'm not going away.”

“That's what concerns me”, she shrugged and put a kiss on his temple. “I'll check in with you later. And so might Jace, Si and Clary.”

“Sure thing.”

“Say hi to Magnus when he wakes up.”

“I will”, he nodded and waved after Izzy, as she left the two alone again.

“Hey”, he smiled as he turned back to Magnus, “at least she didn't bite my head of at the mention of me... you know, maybe, possibly still harbouring some kind of feelings for you.”

It was so easy to say all this to an unconscious Magnus, maybe enough so that it would be great practice for their inevitable talk once Magnus was fit again.

“Because I do. There are so many feelings where you're involved that I tend to lose track of them all. And I can't tell you what they all are. There are some positive ones, some very much not positive ones and so many in between...”

Brushing his thumb over the back of Magnus' hand, he just took him in, took everything about him in he could.

He looked so different from the confident man he always projected to the outside world. The usually perfectly styled hair was wild, the blueish strand had washed out, remaining somewhat blackish like the rest of his hair. As hot as Magnus looked with his makeup and jewellery on, he looked so beautiful just like that.

Magnus just was a beautiful man, inside even so much more than outside, if such a thing were possible. Once upon a time it was enough for Alec to fall helplessly in love with him. Was it still enough for him to forgive?

***

It was hour three-and-a-bit post op, that Magnus' eyes fluttered open.

“Hey Magnus”, Alec smiled, endlessly relieved that he was up.

“Mhm, hi”, Magnus sighed, clearly still a little out of it. He patted around himself, and once he managed to actually open his eyes, he took the room in. “Hospital.”

“Your powers of deduction are astounding, Sherlock”, Alec chuckled. “Yeah, that's where you usually end up after taking a bullet to the side.”

The stare Magnus shot him was somewhat empty at first, until the memories of what had happened yesterday came back to him. “Alexander, I...”

“You saved my life, Magnus”, he softly interrupted. “I don't even know what to say, you actually took a fucking bullet for me and... Thanks for that.” Alec blushed at his ridiculous way of expressing his gratitude.

“No, don't”, Magnus waved him off, “it was my fault.”

“Magnus, we can get all of that out when you're not hopped up on painmeds and when you no longer have a hole in your torso. You were lucky”, Alec mumbled after a bit of silence. “Clean shot through, just missing any vital organs.”

“Lucky is exactly how I feel”, Magnus smiled back, looking like he meant it. “After everything, you still stayed.”

“I promised, didn't I?”And there was the blush again. And that fucking mushy feeling in his stomach. Plus the realization that he still held onto Magnus' hand.

“Uhm, we should probably call the doc”, Alec cleared his throat, let go of Magnus and reached for the call button.

The minute or so they waited for somebody to come by, they sat in awkward silence, during which Alec inwardly cursed himself for being such a emotionally stunted wreck.

“Mr Lightwood, what is the... Oh, Mr Bane, you're up!” Nurse McIntosh smiled at the patient, when she saw he was up. “How are you feeling? Any pain?”

“Little foggy still”, he smiled back, somewhat crookedly.

“That way you'll feel until the anaesthetics wear of. Right then, let me fetch the doctor.” With a last smile, she left the two in their uncomfortable silence again.

But, just when Alec had gathered the nerve to talk, the doctor waltzed inside. “Magnus Bane, we haven't properly met yet. My name is Dr Fisher and earlier this afternoon I spent a few hours inside you. Oh, that sounded wrong.” She smiled and held her hand out to Magnus, who grinned back.

“It's nice to meet you, Dr Fisher. And thank you, your time inside me was very much appreciated.”

It was great to see and hear that his humour had not taken a hit.

“You're very welcome”, she laughed. “I would like to make sure though that everything is alright and that I do not have to enter you again.”

“No offence, but I don't want that either.”

“Glad to see we're on the same page. Mr Lightwood, you're welcome to stay for the examination, I just have to ask you to take a step back so I have room to do my job.”

Alec looked a Magnus, who got the question. “Please stay.”

“Right.”

Stepping back, he let the doc do her job, watching as she examined his side, which looked like it'd win goriest costume at every Halloween party; but it was still less awkward than returning Magnus' eye contact.

“Well, I'm very satisfied”, she eventually smiled. “It all looks just like it should after a successful surgery.”

“Then I'm glad”, Magnus nodded, about to drift off again.

“He's gonna be more asleep than awake for a while”, she explained turning to Alec. “We will be moving him into different room though, since the anaesthetics are mostly out of his system and he's showing no signs of inflammation or allergic reaction.”

“Can I still stay with him?”

“Unfortunately only family is allowed to stay after visitation ends.”

“But... I'm his fiancé”, Alec stated, desperate to keep his promise and stay with Magnus.

“What?” Magnus opened his eyes once more, looking quite confused.

“I mean, we are almost engaged. You just didn't give me the chance to propose”, Alec made clear. Magnus got that Alec referenced their break-up two years ago, but it was vague enough for Dr Fisher to come to a different conclusion.

“Oh my... Well, I'm sure we can figure something out under these circumstances. I will inform the nurses and I doubt anybody will cause any issues for you to stay with him.”

“Thank you, means the world to me.”

“Then I wish you both a good night and I'll see you in the morning again.” With a friendly nod, she turned and left Alec with Magnus, who fought everything not to fall asleep.

“Fiancé?”

“Only way I can stay with you. But I can leave, if that's what you...”

“No”, Magnus made clear, smiling over and grabbing Alec's hand. “Stay.”

And that Alec did. He stayed, when only moments later, Magnus' eyes closed and he drifted back into sleep, he stayed when after a while two nurses came to wheel Magnus into a different room. He stayed, until his own eyelids were heavier than steel and, with his head resting next to Magnus', he fell asleep.

The next morning, Alec woke up to the most beautiful pair of golden eyes beaming at him.

“Morning.”

“Hi”, he yawned as he sat up. “How're you feeling?”

“Like a million bucks.”

“Yeah, you look it. Want me to call the doc?”

“She was already here”, Magnus grinned, “you slept soundly through the whole procedure. Figured you deserved your beauty sleep.”

“Oh.” Well, the last few hours had been taxing, it wasn't too much of a surprise that Alec was all but passed out once everything had settled down.

“Yes, she was very taken in with my wonderful fiancé and how horrible it was how your proposal was terminated.” Alec was way too exhausted to deal with the blush and his fake engagement right now. But Magnus apparently had other ideas, at least judging from the way he was looking at Alec.

“Well, a little more or less white lie. Not my worry right now, though”, Alec made clear. “Can I do anything for you, do you need anything?”

“Yes.” Magnus sighed and sat up. Alec quickly moved to help him settle into the cushions. “I need you to please listen to what I was about to tell you yesterday.”

“No, Magnus, just rest for now. There's more than enough time to talk.”

“No there's not.” With a sigh, Magnus turned past Alec, to the window out to the hallway. Alec followed his eyes, to see Asmodeus out there, just walking past like he had all night long.

“Asmodeus? Oh yeah, we already met. Wonderful man, 'bout as pleasant as a colonoscopy”, Alec scoffed.

“What?” Magnus' jaw was somewhere on the ground.

“Yeah, guess I'm the one who needs to tell a story”, he shrugged meekly. “Came up to me while you were in surgery. He's sorry to inform me that this bullet was supposed to be for me and how unfortunate it was that you jumped in the way. Yes”, he repeated, “that was his exact choice of words. Unfortunate. I may have told him something along the lines of him being welcome to just fuck off. Which, as you probably realized, he didn't. He instead told me about the last two years.”

“I'm so sorry, you should have heard it from me.”

“Yeah, it's a little weird to have the real-life Tony Soprano tell you he has a hit out on you.” Alec gulped and Magnus just squeezed his hand.

“And you still stayed.”

“Promised not to leave you”, Alec shrugged.

“Are you very mad?”

“I'm mostly confused”, he admitted. “So much happened in the last twenty-four hours, I think I said to Izzy last night something along the lines of being happy I at least remember my own name...”

“I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to tell you...”

Before anything else could be said, the door opened.

“My dear boys”, Asmodeus beamed and that was enough for Alec wanting to punch him in the face.

“What do you want?” Magnus hissed over.

“I want to see how my son is doing, is that so reprehensible?” He walked up to Magnus' free side and motioned to pat his arm, but Magnus moved away.

“It is. You will go, you will leave Alexander and me alone and never bother either of us again, you understood that, right?”

Wow. After being shot, by his own father no less, Magnus was still so strong and defiant.

“I'm sorry son, but I was clear. And you know that I'm a man of my word, and I still am. I think I can make an exception for now, given the circumstances, but as soon as you are healed you will come back to the family, and no harm shall come to this wonderful person.”

“No.” Magnus met his gaze head on. “You will leave in the knowledge that I've worked two years and gotten everything I need to send you off to jail.”

Both Alec and Asmodeus looked at Magnus with wide eyes and their chins on the ground.

“I won't give it to the police right away, since I'm not naïve enough to believe that once in a jail cell you're no longer capable of fucking up everybody's lives. But I also know that being locked up is your worst nightmare and as such it should pose as enough of a threat. Meaning: if something happens to Alexander, if you even dare to look at him, I'll send it all to the Feds. Same goes for everybody else I hold dear. And I've learned watching you, made sure to have crossed every T and dotted every I before I came back. So don't even think you can weasel your way out of anything.”

Oh damn. Magnus was one badass motherfucker, Alec couldn't help but stare at him with pure and utter adoration.

Asmodeus on the other hand was somewhat displeased and there was even a hint of a horrified glint lighting up. “I must say, I'm impressed. You've done your homework.”

“Learned from the worst”, Magnus shot back. “I'm nothing like you, I never was, never will be. My mother raised me right until you got her killed.”

“Allegedly.”

“So, I'm sorry you wasted that bullet on me and took one very unnecessary trip to New York. But I believe you will be on your way now and I wish you a... well, a life, I guess.”

As much as he hated to admit it to himself, that shit was really hot. Alec'd be lying if he said watching Magnus take on his father didn't turn him on even a little bit.

“Well played, son. Leaving me to choose between you and my love for freedom.”

“You're gonna lose me either way, scratch that, you already did. So just leave as long as you got at least a bit of your dignity left.”

Oh damn.

Asmodeus didn't even grace Alec with another glance as he looked right at Magnus. “I guess you have made your choice then. Let me just hope that he'll choose you, too.” With that, Asmodeus turned around, and walked away.

And Alec just stared at Magnus, mouth gaping open.

“Alec? I'm sorry, this was a bit much, I...”

“Magnus, that was so awesome”, Alec blurted out. “You are so awesome, I mean... Fuck.”

“Oh.” Magnus looked like he didn't expect it at all. “Ok, that wasn't how I thought this all would go. And it's so not how I planned how anything would play out.”

“What, you didn't plan for being shot by your Dad?”, Alec rolled his eyes, but couldn't keep the snort in.

“Believe it or not, but no, I didn't. But there was a lot I didn't plan on...” He brushed his fingers over Alec's. “I guess the biggest unplanned happenstance was meeting you.” When Alec made no motion to speak, Magnus continued. “I came to New York to get away from Asmodeus and start new. And then I thought I got the chance to, when I ran into you, but sure that was all too good to be true. I was careless, thought I could just... you know? But then Asmodeus showed up in our apartment. I came home and he sat on the couch and... The moment I saw him sitting there I knew things were over.”

“Why didn't you just tell me all this then? Why put me through your disappearance act?”

“Would you take the epitome of love and wonderfulness into the pit of despair and hatred?”

“You're so dramatic”, Alec scoffed at Magnus' flowery description. “But that leaves the question if you ever actually trusted me.”

“Of course I did! How can you even say I wouldn't?” Magnus looked like it was Alec that had fired the gun.

“Let me ask this way: why did you tell me that your Dad had died? It wasn't by any chance because you thought I'd judge you for being Asmodeus' son, right?”

The way Magnus' face fell, Alec must've hit bull's eye.

“I don't care who your Dad is, I never did; I care about who you are. And I don't, or didn't care about your past, I cared about your future, our future. And it just makes me wonder, you know? Did you think I'd love you any less if I knew? Do you think so little of me?”

“It had nothing to do with you, I wanted to start new, a fresh start where the past didn't matter. And once I met you that was possible. I barely knew you, but from the first moment I fell so hard for you and I love you, so damn fucking much.” Magnus leaned closer, cupped Alec's cheek and he could just melt into the soft touch and leaned into the hand. “I love you, Alexander and I always will. I didn't keep it from you, because I was scared you wouldn't love me once you knew who I really was, but...”

“Magnus, that's not you. You're not your dad. You...” Alec took a deep breath and scooted even closer. “You're not...”, he sighed and, before he really knew he was doing it, he leaned in for a kiss, soft and gentle, filled with so many emotions.

Eventually, it was Alec who pulled away, still having his forehead rested against Magnus'.

“I love you, too”, Alec sighed and could just stay like this forever. Until the door flew open.

“MAGNUS!” Madzie ran in and before the both could break away, she all but jumped on the bed.

“Hey there, sweet pea”, Magnus laughed.

“Careful, don't kill him.”

“I would never”, she protested and snuggled up on his side.

“Right...” With a grin Catarina walked in a little slower than her daughter and sat herself on the foot of the bed and patted Magnus' leg. By the grin on her face, she was a little more aware of what had just happened between the two men, but gracefully played over it. “How are you doing?”

“I'm gonna be fine”, he nodded and put his arm around Madzie. “I feel like you should be more worried about him.”

“I'm not the one who has a hole in his stomach”, Alec protested.

“He has a point, though.” Catarina turned to him. “When's the last time you ate something?”

“Huh.” Thinking back, it has probably been around 24 hours. And now, that Catarina brought it up, his stomach did growl.

“I believe that's answer enough”, she chuckled. “Madzie, how about you look after Magnus and I'll get Alec something to eat?”

“Ok!”, the girl grinned. “I brought my book, so I can read to him.”

“What? You can't continue The Hobbit without me”, Alec protested.

“Then I'll read this to him.” She got out the Storybook of Princesses and Magnus' eyes lit up. “I love a good princess story.”

“Right.” Madzie made herself comfortable by Magnus' side and, without gracing Alec or Catarina with another glance, she started reading. “Once upon a time...”

Magnus smiled at Alec, almost nodding him being alright with Alec leaving him be and so he let himself be pulled to the Cafeteria by Catarina.

Alec was happy that all Catarina forced him to do was eat and didn't force him to talk about anything. Alec wasn't even sure what he was supposed to say, all this was just way to fucked up.

“You should go home”, she eventually suggested. “Get some proper sleep and maybe a little distance to the whole situation.”

“I'm fine.”

“No, you're not.” She grabbed Alec's hand. “In the span of 24 hours, you almost watched Magnus die, had to sit by his side through a complicated operation and I might have heard some rumours about Asmodeus hanging around, which is a whole 'nother level of Pandora's Box right there. I'm pretty sure Madzie didn't get what we just interrupted, but I'm not blind. Your nerves, your emotions, everything's blank so no, you're not fine. So go home, let your siblings take a little care of you.”

“Fine”, he agreed. “You're probably right.”

“I always am”, she grinned.

So that's what he did. After Catarina was satisfied by the amount of food Alec had gobbled up, they headed back upstairs to Magnus' room. Madzie, still curled up to his side, had resorted to silent reading, as Magnus was fast asleep.

“Don't wake him”, the girl instructed, “he needs to sleep.”

“We won't. But since you're looking after him now I can leave for a while, right?”

“Nothing'll happen to him”, she promised, “he's save.”

“Then I'm relieved”, Alec smiled and leaned over to put a kiss on Madzie's head and, after waving at her and Catarina again, he made for the subway and back home, where he was already awaited.

“Catarina told us you'd be coming home and that you were deserving of being taken care of”, Jace explained as he and Izzy welcomed him with open arms.

Alec just pulled a face. “Stop being nice, that's weird.”

“We're not weird, we're supportive.”

“No”, he clarified, “you're being creepily kind and shit.”

“Alec, you're sorta-ex just got shot, by his own mafia dad. I don't think you really need us to be assholes or something”, Izzy recapped and put her arm around him. “Tell us what you need and you got it.”

“I think I need sleep”, Alec eventually decided. After barely getting any sleep and after that little that he got was him squeezed awkwardly on a hospital chair, that was what he needed.

“Right. You need me to read you a story? Or I could sing a lullaby”, Jace suggested.

“Oh yeah”, Izzy shuddered, “I see what you meant with creepily nice.”

“Exactly. And I'm officially to tired and exhausted and overwhelmed to deal with that so...” He wriggled out of Izzy's hold and took off to his room, where for the first time in what felt like forever he was finally alone and only dropped on his bed and, in no time at all, drifted into sleep.

*****

Alec got to Magnus' room just as a nurse did.

“Mr Lightwood, isn't it?”

“That's me”, he smiled.

“I have to say, you and Mr Bane have reached some fame in our ward...”

“Huh?” A little confused he turned to her. “Fame? What for?”

“I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry or put my nose into something that isn't my business”, she apologized as she inspected the sleeping Magnus' monitors.

“But why are we famous?”, Alec repeated his question as he hung his jacket over the chair and leaned over. Magnus' hair was wild and Alec was pretty sure, he wouldn't want to wake up looking like that. Gently as to not wake him, he brushed the hair out of Magnus' face.

As he looked up, he found the nurse smiling over, all but beaming at Alec doting over him. “Your tragic proposal and undying loyalty might have moved all staff”, she admitted, blushing ever so slightly.

“Oh.” What the fuck? How in the name of everything that was good and holy in the world were Magnus and Alec the symbol for true and undying love? “Thanks”, he just mumbled, not wanting to burst that poor woman's bubble.

“He did look a little lost yesterday afternoon, waking up without you there”, she remarked, doing something or other at the monitor. “I hope you don't mind me saying that, but I barely had someone more in love in here than your fiancé-to-be.”

Oh fucking course Alec minded, it was the whole problem! Until yesterday he had tried to – rather successfully – suppress all the love he felt for Magnus.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry”, she hurried to apologize.

“No, it's alright.” He forced a smile and sat himself by Magnus' side. She smiled back and left the men by themselves.

“So, you were all miserable without me?”, Alec commented. “Well, I don't want to sound like a dick, but I've been not too bad the last few hours, got some proper sleep and some really nice food. Jace and Izzy were super supportive, made all my favourite foods and shit, which was really sweet but totally creepy.”

“That I believe”, Magnus mumbled, “I don't think I've ever seen your brother being nice.”

Alec jumped a little when Magnus spoke up. “And how long have you been up?”

“Long enough”, he chuckled and motioned to sit up.

“Here.” Alec jumped up to help him with that. “That long enough to know that we're the hottest gossip in here?”

“We're what?” Apparently, he wasn't awake for that long then.

“Yeah”, Alec nodded, “our tragic love story, of being almost killed mid-proposal, and how there has barely been anyone in here as in love as you are with me.” At the last notion, Alec looked away, not sure he could hold the eye contact.

“Mhm... You didn't correct her though, did you?”

“Because I'm not a dick”, he shot back, looking back at Magnus. “And because I kinda started that whole story with the engagement and shit.” And here comes the blush.

“I know she was right with one thing”, Magnus eventually sighed. “I'm so in love with you, I can't even put it in words. And I mean yeah, you probably don't feel the same about me any more...”

“Of course I do”, Alec interrupted. “I love you, Magnus. I meant it when I said that you're the love of my life, always were, always will be.”

“Oh.” Magnus' face dropped a little, clearly unsure what to do with that.

“Issue is”, Alec continued, “it's not the only stuff I feel.” Damnit, Alec didn't want to do that the moment Magnus woke up, two days after an intense operation.

“And it's not fair to you, if I just pretend they're not there”, he just continued. “Because what when they break through the surface? It's just not fair to you.”

“Alexander, that's your worry? That I'm gonna be hurt when your deserved frustrations, trust issues and anger come through?”

“Yeah”, Alec nodded, not quite getting what had Magnus so surprised.

“So, you're saying the reason you don't want to be with me is because you don't want to hurt me?”, he repeated again, even more dubious as the first time.

“Do you need me to draw you a picture?”, Alec suggested, just stopping himself from his eye roll.

Magnus just grabbed Alec's hands and kissed them. “You are so amazing.”

“Ok, I'm really getting confused now. Like last night, when Jace wanted to tell me a good-night-story...”

“When I came back I thought you didn't want to be with me because I left and kept so much stuff from you”, Magnus tried to explain his emotional reaction. “I never figured that... I don't know, you would still worry about me after everything.”

“Right”, Alec rolled his eyes, “because it's so wrong to worry about the guy that took a bullet for me.”

“That's not what I meant and you know it.”

“Ok, but maybe my ego would like to hear you say one more time how awesome I am”, he grinned.

Instead of the scoffed retort, Alec had expected, Magnus squeezed his hands and locked eyes. “You are the most awesome, amazing person I have ever met.”

Oh fuck, here come all the feelings. Alec blushed and turned away. “Damnit, Magnus, I have a reputation.”

“Right, because you have something to proof to me.”

“I kinda feel like I do”, Alec admitted. “Or at least proof some shit to me.”

“Like what?”

“Like that I'm not addicted to you, or well, sex with you. That I'm not just your damsel, feeling so amazing and loving because you saved my life. That all the positive things I feel for you are real.”

Alec looked back up, but instead of finding Magnus sad or hurt that Alec might not have feelings left him, he just smiled. A real smile. And it confused Alec to no end.

“What is it?”

“I really appreciate what you're trying to do for us. If there's anything I can do to help, I'll gladly do it. And if you need your distance, then that's alright, too.”

“I don't want to stay away from you”, Alec made clear, and the smile on Magnus' face brightened even more. “But I think we're gonna end our bullshit friends-with-benefits thing.”

“I mean, it's not like I'm really capable of doing much right now”, Magnus shrugged, suppressing a giggle.

“I don't mean just that”, Alec continued his explanation, “but no more hiding feelings behind physicality. A proper...” Alec hesitated a moment. Were they really ready for a romantic relationship? “Friendship”, he eventually settled on.

“That seems like the healthy thing to do. Just, do me one favour please?”

“Of course, anything!”

“Right. Please don't tell the staff here that we've just broken up for the second time in three days, fourth time in total. I don't want to break their hearts and a celebrity status might not be too bad”, he grinned. “Might get me an extra jell-o every now and then.”

Alec couldn't have kept the laugh down if he wanted to. And it felt good. As had as he tried, he couldn't remember the last time he laughed like that, especially like that around Magnus.

Maybe things were on a good way.

And over the days and weeks they found a nice rhythm, where after work, Alec came round to the hospital, checking in on him, just talking and, in a way, getting to know each other again.

*****

“Omigod, have you decorated?”, Dr Fisher laughed, as she inspected the wound about a week post op.

“That was my god daughter”, Magnus explained the pink glittery band-aids, keeping the gauze on his torso in place. “She has decided that the aesthetics do play a major part in proper healing. Besides, she wants to be a doctor too, so I'm her training dummy.”

“And that whether he wants to or not”, Alec laughed from the corner he had gone to, so the Doc could do her work.

“Is she that adorable little girl that keeps on telling the nurses on staff that they should not give you lime jell-o, because you think it's yucky?”

“The one and only”, he laughed, and something inside Alec just got shaken loose at the sight of that. At the sight of Magnus' golden eyes shining like a cat in headlights, at the sight of the crinkles around the corners of his mouth Magnus would vehemently deny because “I do not have wrinkles!” At how it sounded like the most heavenly melody and Alec couldn't believe that he was lucky enough to hear that sound again.

“I have to say, she does keep everybody on the ward on their toes”, she chuckled as she continued on her work. “Though I would pride myself in saying that we do have an excellent nursing staff, without our future boss' supervision.”

“Yes, Madzie will definitely rule the world at some point”, Alec agreed fondly.

“Well, it seems that will be a good thing, judging by how she takes care of you.” Dr Fisher helped Magnus put the shirt back on, which was a bit of a pity. “I'd say we'll keep you another week around, but if the healing continues the way it is healing right now, there won't be much more than a scar left to show off with, about how you saved your... well, almost-fiancé's life.”

It was almost hilarious to watch; each time a nurse or doctor came in to see Magnus, they not so subtly checked out Magnus' hand, looking for a ring. But there was nothing, for obvious reasons.

“I'm sorry to disappoint you”, Alec just shrugged, “but I'm not gonna propose in the hospital.”

“Of course you're not”, she grinned, slightly meek for having been caught in her snooping.

“Oh, I would never hear the end of it”, Alec rolled his eyes. “I still don't know what I did to deserve a drama queen like him.” Despite all the joking and teasing, the fondness in his voice was something Alec could not control.

“Guilty as charged”, Magnus admitted. “But yeah, you must have been one holy and saintly son of a bitch in your last life that you're getting something this amazing back from the universe”, he added with a cheeky grin.

With an exasperated sigh, Alec turned to Dr Fisher. “You know, I'd love to make some joke back at him, but with him taking a bullet for me... I can't do that, can I?”

“No, you can't”, Magnus chirped over with that damn shit-eating grin. A few years ago, Alec would have just kissed that damn grin right off Magnus' face, but that wouldn't really work in his current conundrum.

“About that.” Dr Fisher's expression went somewhat sombre. “I know you have spoken to police and everything over the last few days. But are you sure you don't want to press charges?”

“I don't”, Magnus made clear. “For private reasons”, he added, just as the doctor motioned to speak again. “And I ask that this decision please be respected.”

“Of course”, she nodded, looking slightly worried. “I will tell authorities to close this case then.”

“I very much appreciate that”, he smiled.

They had spoken about this and Alec, knowing the background, got Magnus' decision. Because what were they gonna do? They couldn't proof that it was Asmodeus, and even if they could, things would end pretty ugly.

“Then I'll head on to the next patient and wish you two a nice afternoon.” With a nod, she left the room.

“Do you think I made the right call?”, Magnus asked after a while. “You know, with not pressing charges against Asmodeus?”

“Mhm. “Alec walked over, sat himself by Magnus' side again and looked up at him. “I have honestly no idea. I assume that if you did, we'd have to go into hiding, witness protection or something. I don't know”, he defended himself when Magnus creased his eyebrows, “until a week ago all my mafia experience was limited to films and TV shows.”

“Right”, he grinned, before his expression turned earnest again. “The thing is, I know we can trust his word. When he says he'll leave us alone, then that he'll do, I'm sure of it. Asmodeus may be many things, but he keeps his word.”

“Which is pretty nice, because I do not want to move to Florida or Minnesota”, Alec chuckled.

“So, do you think you can trust me on that?” Magnus looked up with big eyes, somewhat curious, somewhat afraid of the answer.

“I don't have a reason not to, do I?”, Alec just smiled back, basking in the instantly spreading smile over Magnus' face.

“Thanks. Means the world.”

*****

“WELCOME HOME!”

When Alec opened the door to Catarina's apartment for Magnus, everybody jumped up with balloons and confetti and... so much decoration. Even though he knew there was a surprise coming, Alec's jaw was just as much on the ground as Magnus'.

There was no time to dwell on it too much, since Madzie walked right up and wrapped herself around Magnus.

“Thanks, sweet pea”, he smiled and leaned down just enough to put a kiss on her forehead.

While Magnus was busy being coddled by all their friends, Alec grabbed his bag and put it into his room, where he just sat himself down on Magnus' bed, taking a deep breath; calming himself and collecting his wits, before he too would join the chaos that had broken out in the usually so tidy apartment.

“I'm sorry, Jace went a little wild on decorations”, Izzy chuckled, as the other two Lightwoods made their way over to him.

“That's on you?” Alec couldn't really believe what he just heard.

“I think I did pretty nicely”, Jace grinned proudly and sat himself next to Alec, Izzy sitting on Alec's other side.

“It looks as if Mum's giftwrapping-drawer had exploded...”

“You're a fucking philistine”, his brother scoffed and boxed Alec's arm. “Just cause you can't appreciate art...”

“I can appreciate good art”, Alec grinned and ducked just in time to avoid the next punch, all but throwing himself over Izzy's lap.

“Boys, I will separate you”, she made clear, but that amused grin shone right through. Alec didn't doubt it, though. His sister could be downright scary and neither brother wanted to be at the receiving end of her wrath.

“Sorry”, they mumbled.

“I know. So, Alec, how are you doing?”

“I'm alright”, he nodded, and it wasn't even a lie. “I really am. Unless this is another intervention, because if it is I will be out of here like that.”

“No, no”, Jace hurried to make clear, “no intervention. Just two concerned siblings, wanting to make sure that their big brother is doing alright.”

“You're being weirdly nice again.”

“Come on, Alec”, Izzy moaned, “just let the two of us be nice to you every now and then. If it makes you feel better we can call you asshole for the next few days.”

“Sunday's family dinner, though. I don't think either Mum or Dad would appreciate you calling me that...”

“Good that you're bringing it up”, Izzy grinned. “Sunday.”

“Yes?”

“You should bring someone”, Jace grinned along. “You know, between me and Clary, her and Simon...”

“Yeah, but I'm not seeing anybody and I doubt that I'll meet somebody in the next five days.”

“I mean, you and Magnus aren't just platonic, are you?”

Alec didn't get it. “Two or so weeks ago, you told me I should stop seeing Magnus, because I was a hopeless addict. Now you want me to bring him along to family dinner?”

“Something's changed, though.” Izzy locked eyes with Alec, searching his for something. “I don't know if you talked it out, what you did... You're comfortable around him again, you don't flinch when someone brings up his name or what happened with Asmodeus. Either you truly are over him or...”

“Or what?”

“You forgave him.”

Izzy's assessment struck some chord inside him. He definitely wasn't over Magnus, hearing him laugh still lit up that part of Alec he assumed was his soul; seeing these golden eyes smiling at him still made his heart skip a beat; feeling Magnus' touch on him, holding his hand, still made his breath hitch. In summary, being around Magnus short circuited Alec's being.

But forgiveness? Alec wasn't so sure about that.

“I won't bring him Sunday”, he just decided. “But yes, things are getting better between us. Everything's out in the open and we actually deal with it.”

“That's good”, Jace smiled. “And that way, we don't have to hold an intervention for you again.”

“Ha, ha”, Alec deadpanned, and nudged his side. “But I do not want to put Magnus through Lightwood family dinner, he's still healing and needs plenty of rest.”

“That's super considerate of you”, Izzy cooed and wrapped herself around Alec's arm. “You really are the sweetest.”

“Now, that we can definitely agree on”, he grinned and kissed her cheek.

***

“Thank you”, Magnus smiled, as he, after a long party, went to bed.

“For what?”, Alec asked, leaning against the door frame.

“Everything. The last weeks were fucking insane. But I could still count on you. And that is something... something so amazing, I don't even know what to say.”

“You don't have to say anything”, Alec shrugged. “Just get some rest and I'll see you.”

“Yeah”, Magnus smiled, “I'll see you, too.”

*****

“Mum, Dad, there is something I need to tell you.” They were halfway through dinner, when Alec couldn't help it any more. He was quite aware that this would ruin the whole evening, but that didn't matter right now.

What Izzy and Jace had said to him the other day stuck with him, especially that one remark: 'You're comfortable around him again'. And he was. He could laugh, joke about their fake engagement, all in all it felt like he and Magnus were almost back in sync with each other.

It was something, he didn't want to keep from his parents, though. The part with Asmodeus he would happily keep from them, but they deserved to know about the new relationship with Magnus; so far he hadn't even told them that he's back.

Besides it being Alec's way of including his – more or less homophobic – parents in his love life, maybe this was the chance to find out if Alec's feelings, when faced with the challenge of Robert's view of love, were real enough to stand strong.

“What is it, dear?”

Alec knew his parents well enough to read the curious looks they shot him. Both clearly hoped that Alec had met someone special, the difference being that Dad hoped it was a girl.

Well, here goes nothing. “Me and Magnus made up.”

It was dead silent at the table, as his parents' faces fell in shock, while his friends and siblings smiled proudly at Alec.

“Does that mean you're back together?”, Maryse asked carefully.

“We are not. I'm currently trying to figure out what kind of feelings are there”, he explained honestly. “And I figured it was only fair for you to know about this.”

“Alexander, you got to be kidding me”, Robert eventually snorted. “For four years I tolerated your abnormal affair with that man and when I finally had the hope that you had learned from your mistakes, you go right back to him?”

“Not one word in that last sentence was true”, Alec remarked, surprised at how calm he sounded. “You didn't tolerate our very much normal and loving relationship, which wasn't a mistake and also he came back to me.”

“I don't care what it takes, but this...”

“Robert, please”, Maryse interrupted her husband and locked eyes with Alec. “He broke your heart. I don't know if somebody who does this to my son, who I love just the way he is”, she remarked with a side-eye to Dad, “deserves a second chance and I don't know if I can give it.”

“I love you too, Mum”, Alec smiled at her and reached over the table to squeeze her hands. “I feel the same way. We're on a good page right now, we're talking a lot and I can say that Magnus really is my friend. And, since Magnus and me are talking honestly and openly, you deserve to know about it, after you've been there for me these last few years and...”

“I honestly don't think I want to”, Robert interrupted again. “This man is bad news for you and everybody involved and...”

“For fuck's sake.” Of all people, it was Simon who spoke up. “Robert. Would you just, for once, listen to your son?” The moment he said it, he seemed to realize what he just did, turned beet-red and sunk back in the chair as the entire family stared at him with wide eyes.

“That was so hot”, Izzy eventually whispered into his ear, leaving Simon to blush for different reasons. “But he's completely right.” She turned towards her Dad. “Alec isn't asking for your permission, he's doing you a solid by keeping you a part of his life. Would you prefer it if he didn't tell you about it?”

Fuck. Up until that last question, Alec was so happy that they were fighting for him, but this question... He himself had asked Robert that same thing once before and his father had made his answer very clear.

“Yes, I would”, Robert stated, ice cold and emotionless, just like the last time, Alec has had that conversation with him.

“It's alright”, he motioned to his sister as she moved to voice her outrage. “I have said my piece and all your worries and reservations are duly noted.” He smiled at his family, and it didn't even feel too forced.

The rest of dinner was awkwardly silent, but it didn't bother Alec all that much. Instead his mind wandered to the man in question, who split his family in two. His Dad's reaction... Well, Alec made his peace with it a long time ago that Robert just didn't understand and never would. And his Mum... She too reacted like Alec had expected her to: with worry and concern about Alec's well-being, just as his siblings had. That kind of wariness towards Magnus, he was however grateful for. Because by saying that Magnus broke his heart, Mum accepted their relationship for what exactly it had been.

That weird feeling in his stomach though... His and Magnus' friendship had withstood the test, since Alec couldn't be bothered with both his parents being against it. Even when they were actually together, Alec always had felt that bit of shame at driving his parents away; if he and Magnus hadn't loved each other the way they did, they might have just broken up over it.

But now, being honest, even defending his and Magnus' relationship was more important to Alec than his parents' feelings. And Alec wasn't sure whether that was a good sign or a fucking worrying one...

***

“We're gonna drop you of here”, Clary announced as she stopped in front of a building. Too focused on his chat with Jace, Alec hadn't realized until now where they were: Catarina's apartment building.

“Seriously? A few weeks ago you all but threatened to lock me up if I saw Magnus again and now you're dropping me off on his doorstep?”

“Yes” ,the four answered in unison. “Partly, because we know that Magnus isn't allowed to have sex yet”, Jace grinned.

“But mostly, because you idiot finally figured out your feelings”, Simon continued.

“You can't call me an idiot”, Alec made clear, but unlike earlier at dinner, Simon didn't blush and just grinned back at Alec.

“Even if it's factually true?”

“I can call you an idiot though”, Izzy made clear, before Alec could continue bickering with Simon. “So, get out, up there and do what we all know you have to do.”

Well, Alec didn't know exactly what he was supposed to do, whether they expected him to get back together with Magnus or not, but after that talk at dinner, seeing Magnus would in any way cheer him up and maybe even help him make that decision.

“Fine.” He climbed out of the car, waved at his siblings as they drove off and made his way to Catarina's flat. It was her that opened the door to an adorable sight in front of him: Magnus on the couch, his shirt pulled up, while Madzie inspected his wound and fixed it with an unholy amount of butterfly and flower band-aids.

“Welcome, the doctor is in”, Catarina chuckled for greeting.

“Yes, I will be right with you”, Madzie called over, adding the finishing touches to her mummification of Magnus, who just shot him a skew grin. “How was dinner?”

“No talking”, Madzie made clear, “you're currently being healed, so no talking.”

Alec almost tasted blood he bit down so hard to stifle his laugh; Catarina looked similarly amused. “Tea?”

“No chance I'll get a coffee?”

“MHM MHM!”, Magnus protested, with his lips still closed, not daring to speak.

“Why not?”, Alec moped, turning to the patient.

Magnus looked at Madzie, who just let out a sigh. “Fine, talk to him.”

“Thank you. Because if you drink coffee after 7pm, you can't sleep, sometimes even get nightmares and tomorrow you'll be all grumpy. So no, you'll have a tea, and that's it.”

“Fine”, he moaned, trying to ignore that fluffy feeling from Magnus knowing him so well.

He followed Catarina into the kitchen, so Madzie could finish her exam. “She is quite the Nurse Ratchett, hey?”

“All I'm gonna say is poor Magnus”, Cat shrugged, “but he's so patient, it's actually really heart-warming.”

“Yeah”, Alec smiled fondly, “he is, isn't he?”

“Are we still talking about my girl?”

Staying silent, he just shot her a pointed look, she met head-on. As was to be expected, Alec was the first to break away and looked down on his fingers. He was just about to explain himself, when a call from the living room kept him from it. “NEXT, PLEASE!”

“Guess it's my turn now”, he shrugged and walked back to the living room, where Madzie motioned for him to lay on the couch.

Dressed again, Magnus got out of her way. “Good luck”, he whispered before heading out to help Catarina.

“So, I'm gonna hear your heart now.” She climbed on his lap and leaned over. Madzie grabbed the stethoscope, she had gotten as a parting gift from the staff on Magnus' ward, so she would be able to continue treating him. “Deep breath, please”, she ordered, which was a little hard, with her climbing around on top of him, but Alec gave it his best shot.

“Oh”, she remarked eventually. “Your heart is beating funnily.”

“Oh no”, he played shocked, “what does that mean?”

“That I need help from my assistant”, she yelled out and Magnus came over.

“I though you were her patient.”

“Yes, but Catarina is making tea for us all, so I'll help out. What's his problem?” He kneeled down next to the couch, carefully and very slowly. If Madzie weren't sitting on top of him, Alec would have jumped right over and helped, but he managed by himself.

“He's heart sick.”

“Oh.” Magnus turned to Alec and great, there was the blush again.

“Yeah, his heart beats really funnily.”

“Mhm... What do you think we should do about that?”, he asked her, not looking away from Alec though.

“We need to give it its proper rhythm back”, she decided. “So, I will hear if it's getting better and you need to make the correct beat on his chest.”

“That is so smart”, Magnus nodded, actually managing to look impressed instead of amused; Alec on the other hand could barely bite down his grin.

“Oh no, Alec's heart is going faster and faster”, Madzie found.

Well, there was a very simple explanation for that: Magnus bent over Alec, their faces very close together, while Magnus' hand brushed over Alec's chest.

“I bet it is”, Magnus mumbled, sounding almost hoarse.

With soft pats, Magnus mimicked the heart beat Madzie told him to do, patting on Alec's chest. Weirdly enough, Alec felt himself syncing his breathing up to the rhythm of Magnus' fingers.

“It's working!”, Madzie squealed, “don't stop now, he's almost healthy again!”

“What is sick about Alec?”, Catarina asked and put a tray with some steaming cups down on the table, before inspecting the scene a little more closely.

“Alec is heartsick and Magnus is healing him”, the girl explained.

“Of course”, she grinned and, with a cup in her hand she made herself comfortable by Alec's feet. He felt the smile she shot their way, but that didn't really matter to him right now; unlike these beautiful golden eyes, seemingly staring into his soul, and the rhythmic tap on his chest. Losing every sense of time and or place, Alec could stay like this forever. Until Madzie's squeal brought him back into the real world: “It worked! Alec, your heart is normal again.”

“Thanks”, he smiled, though nothing about his innards felt normal right now.

Magnus leaned back and, with some effort, he managed to get back up again. “Well, if you ever need an assistant again”, he winked at Madzie, who, not gently, climbed of Alec, but not without accidentally stomping on his stomach first.

“Ouch”, he groaned, “I think I'm sick again.”

“No”, the girl made clear, “you're a wuss.” And with that, she went to tidy up her medical equipment.

“I assume you don't want tea but some privacy”, Catarina eventually remarked, as Alec and Magnus didn't seem to be able to break their gaze.

Before he could really say anything, Magnus had grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into his bedroom, where he motioned for Alec to make himself comfortable. And, moments later, they sat on the bed together, Alec losing himself in Magnus' eyes again and again.

“I feel like something happened at the Lightwood Family Dinner”, Magnus broke the silence eventually.

“It did.” Alec cleared his throat. “I told my parents that you're back.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“How did it go?”

“About as expected”, Alec shrugged. “Dad was... Well, you know his speeches. Mum was just worried about me, about getting my heart broken again. Simon actually made a stir, standing up for me to Dad”, he smiled.

“So, what exactly did you tell them?”

“That we're really good friends and that we're currently trying to find out what's still there”, he reported. Ever since he started talking, Alec had looked on his lap, his fingers, the wall but not Magnus. Not until now. He found Magnus' eyes big, hopeful and Alec could only smile at the face he liked, no, the face he loved so much.

“And I think I realized something. I love you too much to be friends.”

Magnus' face dropped in fear of being broken up with for the fifth time.

“But I think I just might love you enough to be your boyfriend”, he added with a sheepish smile.

“Wait.” Magnus seemed to take a bit longer to fully grasp what Alec just said. “You're saying that...”

“I'm saying that I love you.” Alec scooted closer, put his hand on Magnus' neck. “I'm saying that I love you so damn much.” The closer he got to Magnus, the quieter his voice got. Their foreheads pressed together, Magnus reached up to cup Alec's cheek. “I'm saying”, Alec sighed, “that I want to be with you.”

It wasn't more than a hoarse whisper when Magnus answered: “I love you, Alexander.”

And then their lips met. As soft and gentle as a touch it was, so many more fireworks went up in Alec's brain then at all their sexual escapades over the last few months put together.

Their lips stayed locked for what could have been five minutes or five hours, Alec didn't care. They only broke away, when gasping for air, or when whispering some almost silent love confessions.

“I'm not saying everything will be like it once was”, Alec mumbled between kisses, wanting to explain himself some more, but not ready to give up on kissing his boyfriend. “And you might need to be patient with me, and sometimes there will be some anger coming through.”

“That's alright and deserved”, Magnus assured him, his hands moving up into Alec's hair. “I'll be right there, through everything. And I'm never gonna leave you, never again.”

(Spoiler Alert: This promise he kept.)

***

On AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21891847

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advocaado · 6 years

Text

Day 29: The Moment You Knew

@thirtydaysofzutara @zutaramonth

This is the final part of the Western AU (Days 7 and 15), as promised. I wrote all of this in one day. Now I am dead.

Find the whole collection on fanfiction.net User: Advocaat

April

It had been nearly a month now since construction on the new railroad had begun and West Bluhaven was more bustling than ever with out-of-towners coming in droves to help lay the tracks. Katara’s small town had never felt more lively and she could smell change in the wind. This expansion would turn the town into a major stopover for those seeking to push further west and that, in turn, would direct the flow of wealth their way. Whether she liked it or not, her quiet town wasn’t going to be quiet for much longer.

At the center of this change was, of course, Ember Steel. The mill was busier than ever as each week it delivered a new shipment of tracks to the workers out west. Just about every able-bodied young man Katara knew had gone to work either in the mill or running transports of materials and provisions to the track layers. It seemed nearly everyone had a stake in the project and that meant Ember Steel was hot news both locally and nationally. Katara couldn’t pick up a paper without seeing articles about the railroad project. Most such articles waxed lyrical about the effort and Ember Steel’s role in it, calling it the next big step in America’s expansion, but a few took a more critical stance, referencing the company’s shady business practices and poor reputation in the towns it had exploited to financial ruin.

Katara, true to her ongoing opinion of Ember Steel, was quick to side with the nay-sayers. A company didn’t just change overnight, and as much good as Zuko had done for their town since moving in, she couldn’t help but still be skeptical that this prosperity would last. With the increase in commerce that would come of completing the railroad, Zuko would be in the best position possible to start sucking up their newfound wealth. The more she saw what lay ahead, the more she suspected that this had been Zuko’s plan all along. In waiting to exploit them, he’d both improved his company’s reputation, building trust with both West Bluhaven and Tofteville, and he’d greatly elevated the amount of wealth he was set to gain once he began hiking prices. This rail deal had killed two birds with one stone.

Katara scowled as she crumpled up the latest copy of the national press. That Zuko was a slyer weasel than she’d given him credit for. Well, unluckily for him, she’d spotted his plot a mile away and there was no way she was going to allow him to get his way so easily. Her town would not become a stomping ground for Ember Steel. Not on her life.

The sound of crunching paper caused her father to raise an eyebrow at her from across the breakfast table. “Is something wrong?” he questioned in that patient tone of his. Doubtless he knew precisely why she’d wadded the news into a ball.

Katara set the ball on the table beside her plate and averted her gaze from his. “Nothing at all,” she answered airily. “I was just thinking about our town’s impending demise at the hands of Ember Steel.”

Hakoda exhaled a tired-sounding sigh and set his fork onto his empty plate with a soft clink. “Katara, we’ve talked about this a hundred times. Mr. Redford and I have a deal. He is legally barred from raising prices beyond a mutually agreed upon market margin. The documents detailing the agreement are safely locked away in my office, and so long as those documents exist, Mr. Redford can’t do as he pleases.”

Katara redirected her gaze to her plate, her frown remaining. She just didn’t think it was that simple. Crooks would be crooks and deals could be got around. There was a reason people called the west lawless. If Zuko was determined to get what he wanted, he would, deal or no deal.

“By the way,” her father spoke again, his tone brightening. “I meant to tell you, your brother will be back in town next month. He’s hinted that he may be bringing a lady friend along as well.”

At once, the scowl melted from Katara’s face. It was replaced by a look of surprise paired with excitement. “Sokka got a girlfriend? Really?”

“That’s what I inferred from his letter. I’ll admit I’m curious to see what sort of girl she is. Sokka is a fine young man but he always was terrible at wooing. I imagine any girl who would fall for him must have a saintly level of tolerance, eh?” He cracked a grin to punctuate this statement.

Katara brought a hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh. “No kidding. Maybe she’s turned on by bad jokes?”

“That or she’s deaf.”

The two shared a good laugh, their conversation from a moment earlier all but forgotten.

May

The first day of May was always a special day for Katara. May meant the spring rains were receding and the chill of winter was a thing of the past. Not to mention the spring blossoms were out in full force. All around town, buildings were decorated with spring colors and pots of flowers were placed along the streets and in front of shops to hail in the loveliest month of the year.

That morning, Katara celebrated by donning a new peony-colored dress she’d spent the better part of winter stitching. Instead of her usual blue clip, she fastened her hair with a pale pink ribbon and decorated it with freshly cut roses to match. Every girl wanted to look her best on May Day.

She was just finishing her breakfast when she was surprised by a knock at the door. Curious who would be calling so early, she scooted out her chair and walked out of the kitchen to greet her visitor. She grabbed the knob and pulled the door open, a cordial “good morning” on her lips, but the greeting died when she looked outside and found no one. The porch was empty.

No, not empty. Looking down, she found a large woven basket nearly overflowing with a myriad of colorful flowers. Seeing a note sticking out from the side, she reached down and plucked it out. Happy May Day was written in a scrawl that looked oddly familiar.

Someone had gifted her a May basket.

Katara’s face heated at being the receiver of such a gift. May baskets were often left by smitten young men on girls’ porches as a sign of their affection. Did this mean there was a boy in town who fancied her? The note wasn’t signed, so she had no way of knowing the gifter’s identity. Pleased nonetheless, she scooped up the basket and brought it inside. It would make a lovely decoration for their table.

Later that morning, after her household chores had been completed, Katara set out to do some shopping in town. The weather was beautiful and people of all sorts were out and about, strolling through the main street and admiring the May Day decorations. Today, Katara fully intended to splurge and purchase a cake for her family to share.

She pushed the door open to the baker’s shop and the smell of fresh bread and sweets filled her nose. She smiled and inhaled, savoring the delectable scents. Sweets were a rare treat, even for the daughter of the sheriff. As she perused the finely crafted cakes in the case by the till, she heard the bell on the door behind her give a little jingle. A moment later, a presence appeared at her side and Katara glanced up at the newcomer curiously.

“Good morning, Katara,” Zuko greeted brightly, his yellow eyes twinkling in the midmorning light.

Katara blinked at the sight of him. He looked very different this morning than usual. His plain work trousers had been traded out for a pair of dark gray slacks and his cotton shirt had been replaced with a crisp dress shirt fastened smartly at the collar with a black long-armed bowtie, all encased by a custom-tailored, finely embroidered vest. His shaggy hair was still shaggy but had clearly had a brush run through it. All in all, he looked very much more like the heir to the Ember Steel empire than he did on a typical day.

Katara tried not to stare. It was all kinds of odd seeing Zuko dressed like a dapper society man. Although she was well aware that he was a man of status, it was easy to think of him as just another guy when he paraded about in sooty factory trousers.

Zuko smiled and reached out to delicately touch the flowers in her hair. “You look lovely today. Pink is a stunning color on you.”

Katara blushed and took a step backward to put some distance between them. Maybe it was the way he was dressed, but she was feeling particularly flustered by his closeness.

“What are you doing here, Zuko?” she questioned to cover her lack of composure. “Shouldn’t you be at the mill?”

Zuko nodded and she watched him rummage around in his vest for a moment before producing an envelope. “I was on my way to the post office when I saw you walk in here. I figured I ought to stop in and say hi, given it’s May Day.”

Katara nodded dumbly. For some reason, words were coming harder to her today than usual. Zuko’s smile was radiant and it was muddling her emotions. “Um, yeah,” she finally said. “It is. May Day.”

Zuko’s eyes crinkled at the corners and he turned to the case of cakes. He appeared to examine them for a moment and then said, “The selection here is pretty good. Is there a cake in particular you were eyeing?”

Katara turned back to the case as well and her gaze settled on a buttercream frosted spice cake. She set her fingertip on the glass. “I was just thinking that one looks pretty good.”

Zuko followed her finger and nodded. “Good choice.” Without warning, he raised his hand, signaling the baker, and said, “I’d like this one, please.”

“Wait, Zuko—”

Katara’s protest was ignored as the baker pulled the cake in question and proceeded to box it up. She could only watch helplessly as Zuko exchanged money with the baker’s wife at the till. When the woman looked past Zuko and gave Katara a wink, she blushed and dropped her gaze to the counter. No doubt the whole town would hear of this before the day was out.

On the counter, her eyes were drawn to Zuko’s letter. He’d set it down when he went to fish out his wallet and her gaze wandered to the address, painstakingly written in Zuko’s tidy script. Her eyes widened. She recognized that handwriting.

Before she could blink, a box was being deposited in her hands and Zuko’s dazzling smile was once again directed at her. “Here, Katara. Happy May Day.”

Katara took the box and tentatively her eyes rose to meet his. His golden eyes were far too handsome to belong to someone so devilish. Despite herself, she gave him a teeny smile. “Thanks, Zuko. Happy May Day.”

oOo

It was around midmonth when Sokka returned as promised. His arrival was met with many hugs and a whole roasted turkey courtesy of Katara and Kanna. The two had slaved away all day preparing all of Sokka’s favorites. This would be his first trip home in nearly a year and a half and they knew how much he’d be missing the comfort of a home-cooked meal.

Sokka wasted no time in introducing his much anticipated girlfriend. She was a pretty and surprisingly bold girl named Suki who worked in the accounting office down the street from where he was doing is apprenticeship. The whole family took to her quickly, delighted by her confidence and intelligence. Kanna in particular was very pleased that Sokka had found a girl with an actual education instead of a vapid rancher’s daughter. Katara too took to Suki quickly, happy to finally have another girl around to talk to.

Of course, the good mood quickly fled when the topic of conversation inevitably shifted to current events. Sokka, like Katara, very clearly disapproved of their father’s decision to allow Ember Steel to take over their mill.

“I can’t believe you let those crooks get a foothold in our town!” he mirrored Katara’s own protests, laying his palm flat on the table. “You must’ve seen the news about them, Dad. They’re criminals, plain and simple, and now they have control of West Bluhaven.”

Hakoda shook his head. “Calm yourself, Sokka. They don’t have control of anything. I negotiated very carefully with them before allowing the purchase.”

Sokka didn’t look convinced. “And you think they’re going to honor those negotiations?” He shook his head violently. “I’ve seen how they operate. They’re dirty and underhanded and they will go to any lengths to get their way.” He placed both hands on the table and leaned forward, his eyebrows furrowing seriously. “There are even rumors that Ozai offed his own dad to take control of the company. These guys aren’t just bad news; they’re dangerous.”

Both of Katara’s eyebrows shot up at Sokka’s declaration. As much as she disliked Ember Steel, that seemed like a bit much. Hiking up prices, sure. But patricide? That just sounded like the rumor mill at work. “Ozai can’t really be that bad, can he?” she vocalized these thoughts. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I totally agree with you that they’re evil, but that seems a little extreme.”

Sokka surprised her by shaking his head. “You wouldn’t think so, but I can believe it. That whole family has a reputation for being sociopaths. They lie as easily as they breathe and they don’t care who they hurt as long as there’s something to gain from it. Frankly, they’re terrifying.”

Katara pursed her lips, staying her protests. Oddly, she found herself wanting to defend Zuko’s family. As much as she distrusted him, to call Zuko a sociopath didn’t sit right with her.

She thought of his radiant smile on May Day—the way the sunlight had lit up his eyes and the sincerity in his expression when he’d told her she looked nice in pink. He wasn’t acting, was he? Nobody could fake a smile like that. Moreover, a sociopath wouldn’t leave an unsigned May basket at her door.

Still, she held her tongue. Was she really going to believe Zuko over Sokka?

No. Perish the thought. Clearly she was spending too much time with Zuko.

June

June marked the official start of Summer. It also meant that if the track construction remained on schedule Katara would only have to deal with Zuko for three more months. This was a fact she reminded him of often.

“I have to hand it to you. If nothing else, you’re efficient.”

Katara was wandering through the mill, performing her routine inspection of the place to make sure Zuko was behaving. Zuko, as usual, walked in step beside her. He wore a contented little smile and didn’t rise to her baiting.

“To think you would complete a three-year project in just a single year. Perhaps you’re exploiting labor somewhere I can’t see?”

This time, Zuko answered. “As a matter of fact, I have a whole army of hamsters running in little wheels in the basement. It’s how I generate heat for the furnaces. I go downstairs and whip them when you’re not looking.”

Katara turned an unimpressed glower on him. In reality, she was trying her hardest not to laugh. Zuko apparently could tell because he cracked a smile and his eyes crinkled in the way that they always did when he found something she did amusing.

Katara managed to hold the look just long enough to say, “You fantastic bastard.” Then her composure crumbled and she began giggling.

Zuko joined her and the two of them earned odd looks from a group of workers tending to one of the forges.

When they completed their tour, the two escaped to the yard for some fresh air. The mill was always stifling in the summer. Over the winter, Zuko had crafted some benches from iron and installed several freestanding trellises which Katara had planted a little garden within in the spring. Now it was a merry little corner of color and the two of them often sat together and sipped lemonade when the weather was nice. Today was one such day and a full pitcher of lemonade already sat waiting for them, courtesy of Jee.

Katara flopped onto her usual seat and fanned herself with a hand. “It’s only June and already it’s this hot,” she moaned as Zuko joined her and began pouring the lemonade into cups. Zuko proffered up one of the cups to her which she took gratefully. Jee was the best lemonade maker she knew—an odd thing for a man who’d spent his life on a ship to be good at, but then she supposed the lemons helped to protect against scurvy during long sea voyages. “I’ll tell you what, when you leave, Jee can stay. He’s benign and he provides a crucial service.”

Zuko smiled and set the pitcher aside. “I’ll tell him you said that. He’s waited his whole life to be told he’s benign.”

Katara sniggered and took a sip from her cup. It was an awfully nice day. She was, in all honesty, going to miss this when summer ended. Perhaps whoever bought the mill next would still allow her to come around and lounge in her garden. Beside her, Zuko exhaled a little sigh and turned his face to the sky. He closed his eyes and a soft smile tugged at his mouth as he basked in the warm sunlight. She took a moment to covertly study his face. He didn’t look like a dangerous sociopath. Nor did he look like a crook, for that matter. He appeared just the same as any other young man.

It had been nine months—nearly ten—since he’d first taken over the steelworks and he’d yet to do anything crooked. Katara was loathe to admit it, but it really didn’t seem like he had any intention of doing anything dastardly.

Perhaps she’d been wrong about him?

She shook her head. No, surely not. Companies don’t just change, she reminded herself. There must be something he was hiding from her. Some terrible secret he kept under lock and key. Well, in three months it won’t be my problem anymore, she reasoned. With this thought in mind, she too leaned back and enjoyed the sun on her skin.

July

Two more months. When had she begun counting down the time she and Zuko had left together?

Just two months. Then he would be out of her hair for good. She would force him to slither on back to wherever it was he’d come from and she’d never have to think about him again. No more check-ins. No more fear of economic collapse. No more Ember Steel.

A few months ago, that thought would’ve made her happy. Now, she wasn’t so sure of her feelings. She still didn’t trust Zuko, of course, but the thought of him leaving caused a feeling of almost loneliness to writhe like a worm inside her. She’d been a second shadow to Zuko for nearly a year now and she supposed she’d gotten used to having him around. She found herself thinking about how her life would change once she chased him out, and instead of relief, she found only emptiness. What was she going to do with her afternoons? Who was she going to complain about at the dinner table? Who was going to have snowball fights with her come winter? Who was going to spontaneously carry her groceries and buy her cakes? Who was going to leave May flowers at her door?

Could it be that she actually…maybe liked Zuko? Just a little?

Katara shook her head vigorously and quickened her pace through town. No. Such thoughts were abominable. Unthinkable. She couldn’t like Zuko. The sky would have to turn green and the sea orange before she would ever seriously entertain such a notion.

As her feet carried her past Ember Steel’s town office, she was stopped, just like in March, by voices coming from inside. This time, however, she could hear them loud and clear. Zuko and his visitor sounded like they were standing just on the other side of the door.

“Zuko, be reasonable!” The voice belonged to a woman but it was different than the voice of the woman she’d seen exiting his office back in March. This voice was lower and lacked the poignant edge of the voice of the woman from before. “Think about what you’re throwing away.”

“I’m not throwing anything away. The way I see it, I stand only to gain from this move.”

“Gain?” the woman sounded incredulous. “Zuko, if you go through with this, you’ll lose your friends, all respect—”

“I don’t need their respect.” Zuko’s voice was firm. Hard.

Katara’s heart thudded in her chest as she listened to this conversation that she was certain she was not meant to overhear.

“And what? You think they’ll let you just walk away after a betrayal like that? Even for a Redford, there are limits to how brazenly a person can act before they have to face repercussions for their actions.”

Katara couldn’t have moved if she wanted to. Her feet were stuck in place as her heart hammered against her ribcage. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She didn’t want to believe it.

“It’s already been done, Mai. At 11 AM tomorrow, I’m seizing full control of Ember Steel. All production and sales decisions will henceforth be up to me.”

She’d heard enough. She’d heard more than enough. She wished she could unhear it. Anger coupled with confusion burned in Katara’s throat like bile as she pushed her legs into motion. She needed to warn her dad.

As she ran for home, tears pricked at the backs of her eyes. She scrubbed her eyes, refusing to let them fall. She wasn’t sad. Not in the slightest. She was just angry. Angry for ever thinking she could trust Zuko Redford.

She repeated this thought like a mantra over and over in her head the whole way home. Surely if she just kept saying it, it would become true.

oOo

“Your father?” Kanna questioned, her gray eyebrows rising high on her wrinkled forehead. “He rode for Tofteville this morning, remember? He’ll be back tomorrow morning for his meeting with that Redford boy. Whatever matter you need to discuss with him will have to wait until after that.”

Katara shook her head in disbelief. She’d completely forgotten about her father’s trip. Normally, she didn’t think twice when her father said he was going to be away. He’d been riding out to meet with Mayor Beifong in Tofteville frequently since construction on the railroad began. It was far easier for him to make the trip out there than it was for the aging mayor to come to West Bluhaven. Today, however, she cursed his leaving. There was no way to get a warning to him on the road. She was going to have to wait until he returned tomorrow and hope she got to him before Zuko did.

She cursed aloud as she ran to her room and threw herself onto her bed. It just figured that her dad would be away the day Zuko finally decided to show his true colors.

Sleep came slowly to Katara that night. Anger was making her chest hurt. She’d really begun to think that maybe Zuko wasn’t so bad. He’d been nothing but kind and considerate toward her and the people of West Bluhaven since he’d arrived last August and now…she’d just learned that was all a lie. He didn’t care about any of them. The favors he’d done for her; all the times he’d made her laugh—it had all been fake.

The Redfords lie as easily as they breathe, Sokka had said. He’d been right.

oOo

The next morning, Katara woke early. She was determined to wait at her father’s office until he showed up. That way she could be sure she met him first.

She donned her old blue dress, willfully ignoring the peony pink one hanging just beside it, and fastened her hair with its normal blue clip. She brushed her teeth and fed the chickens and when her morning preparations were done, she grabbed an apple from the kitchen and departed for the sheriff’s office.

The only officer present when she arrived was Deputy Hanook, who was fast asleep at his desk. Katara didn’t bother waking him. She seated herself in her father’s cushioned chair and set her eyes on the clock, watching it tick away the minutes. She was praying that her father would come straight to the office and not stop at home first. She didn’t know what she was going to do if Zuko showed up before he did. She wasn’t prepared to deal with him just yet.

Luckily, her father was a punctual man, and a quarter to eleven she heard the clip-clop of horse hooves outside the office. She heard her father’s voice as he gave orders to another one of his deputies and a moment later he was walking through the door, his brown face and blue eyes the same as they’d been the morning previous. Katara wasted no time in rising from her seat and rushing toward him.

“Dad, we’ve got a huge problem,” she told him urgently, grasping the front of his vest.

“Katara? What are you doing here?” he questioned, confused. “What problem?”

Oh, thank whatever god may be listening that he was here. She still had time to warn him. “It’s Zuko. He’s coming!”

Hakoda raised a brow. “Yes? We do have a meeting scheduled in—” he glanced up at the clock “—twelve minutes. I certainly hope he’s coming.”

Katara shook her head. “No. You don’t understand. He’s going to seize control of the mill. He’s going to betray West Bluhaven!”

This time, her words appeared to actually make it through to him. Hakoda’s eyebrows furrowed and he grasped her shoulders. “Katara, what do you mean? Explain to me what’s going on.”

Katara nodded. “I heard him talking about it. He said that at 11 AM today he was going to take full control of Ember Steel.”

The corners of Hakoda’s mouth turned down in confusion. He looked like he was trying to make sense of what she was saying. “Katara, that’s—”

Before he could finish whatever it was he’d planned to say, a sudden commotion outside stopped him in his tracks. The father-daughter duo turned to the door. That sounded almost like…

A loud crack split the air, followed by yelling and the startled whinnying of horses. Not a second later, another crack was heard and somewhere down the road a woman screamed.

Katara looked at her father in fright. There was only one thing that made a sound like that.

Hakoda’s expression sobered and he turned around to reach for the door but the piece of wood flew open, slamming into the wall with a loud bang, and then strange men Katara didn’t recognize were filing into the office, pistols drawn.

Thinking fast, Hakoda made a grab for his own pistol, but the intruders were faster. The one in the front grabbed her father around the neck and raised his gun to his head while his buddies appeared to search the room with their eyes.

“He’s not here, boss,” a younger looking man with a black scarf covering his mouth and nose called back to a brown-haired man with bushy sideburns walking leisurely at the back.

The man the black-scarfed goon had called boss stopped just inside the doorway and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s quite alright,” he spoke calmly. His manner of speech was oddly articulate for the leader of a group of outlaws. “That’s what we get for arriving early. It just means we’ll have to start without him.” He nodded to the goon holding her father and the outlaw grabbed Hakoda’s hair, forcing his head up to look at the boss. “Now, then. I believe you have some paperwork our employer’s very interested in getting his hands on.” He glanced past Hakoda to the wall where a large steel safe was mounted. “It’s in there, I imagine. It would save us a lot of trouble if you’d be generous enough to tell me the code.”

Hakoda glared defiantly back at the man. He was proud even with a gun held to his temple. “I refuse.”

The large man sighed. “I thought you might.” He glanced in Katara’s direction then and made a signal with his hand. Before Katara could figure out who he was signaling to, a meaty hand was grabbing her hair and hauling her onto her toes. Katara yelped in surprise and pain as she was manhandled toward the door. The boss turned back to her father. “That’s your daughter, I presume. The family resemblance is striking. I’ll tell you what, while you rethink your answer, my boys will take her outside for a little game. The game’s called five shots. The rules are very simple. One of my boys will shoot four shots, one at a time, while you think, and if you don’t give me the answer I’m looking for, the fifth shot will go through her pretty forehead.”

Katara’s face paled as she was marched out the door and onto the street. She managed to toss her father one final terrified look over her shoulder before she was being blinded by bright sunlight.

Out on the street, two more thugs waited with a group of horses. A safe distance away, onlookers watched in fear as she was dragged out of the office by her hair and down the short wooden steps to the road. Not ten feet away, one of her father’s men lay unmoving in a pool of his own blood. Katara screwed her eyes shut, not wanting to witness the lifeless body of a man she’d known since she was small.

She wasn’t allowed the luxury for long. No sooner had they cleared the steps, she was being tossed gracelessly onto the street. She heard a cry of her name and opened her eyes to see Bato in the crowd. His eyes were filled with panic and he had a meat cleaver in one hand, probably the closest thing to a weapon he could grab on short notice. Unfortunately, such a weapon would do little against a band of pistol-wielding outlaws.

“Alright, girly. You heard the boss,” the man who had tossed her spoke, turning her attention back to him. He’d pulled out his own pistol and as she watched in fear, he leveled it right at her face. “Shot number one. Best hope my aim’s not become lame. Been a while since I last had to shoot a person with any kind of finesse.”

Katara thought he might wait a tick—drag out the shot to maximize her fear—but no sooner were the words out of his mouth then he squeezed the trigger, aiming a shot right by her left hand. Katara screamed as the bullet impacted with the ground, causing dry earth to splatter over her side.

“Well, shucks. That wasn’t half bad, if I do say so m’self. Let’s see if we can get the next one a few centimeters closer.”

Katara shook her head. “Please!” she begged, unable to find any other words through the panic in her brain and the blood rushing in her ears. “Please…!”

“No can do, little missy. It’s not every day I get to shoot at a girl pretty as you. Really gets the old blood going, y’know what I mean?”

This statement was punctuated by another shot, this one landing just by the toe of her boot. Katara screamed again and this time a sob tore out of her throat. She was going to die. She was going to die in the street like an animal for the pleasure of this terrible man.

“Oops. M’hand got a little happy there. Forgot to announce the shot. That was number two, by the way. I wonder if dear old dad has coughed up the code yet? I’d check, but I’d hate fer ya to try n’ make a break for it when my back was turned.”

Katara just continued to sob in terror as the outlaw rotated the nose of his gun, seemingly deciding where to shoot next.

“Alright. Number three’s halfway to home so we gotta make it a good one. Any suggestions?”

Katara squeezed her eyes shut and pulled her legs to her chest. She wanted out of here. She wanted to be anywhere else but here. Another shot split the air, and Katara nearly screamed again, but then her brain registered a difference from the shots before. This wasn’t the sharp crack of pistol-fire. This one was far deeper—a familiar sound she’d heard enough times to recognize anywhere.

Pop-BOOM.

She barely had time to be confused. The next thing she knew, the trigger-happy outlaw was screaming, his gun-arm having erupted in a shower of red.

A gasp rose through the crowd of onlookers and men and women scattered left and right, running for their lives. Katara looked around wildly but she couldn’t see where the shot had come from. Nor, apparently, could the other two outlaws. They whirled around, pointing their guns every which way as they attempted to root out their assailant.

Pop-BOOM.

One after the other, the remaining two outlaws fell just like their comrade. Their pistols clattered to the ground from now-useless arms and they swore loudly as they were wracked with the excruciating pain of having their limbs nearly blown straight off by a Winchester rifle.

With the three men down for the count, the band’s mystery assailant finally deigned to show himself. Katara was the only person to be unsurprised when the tall, dark figure of Zuko dropped down from the roof of her father’s office, a rifle slung over his shoulder. Katara’s eyes traveled up to his face and she saw an expression there that she’d never seen him wear before. He was looking down at the men he’d dropped with a face colder than the Alaskan tundra.

“Zuko…?” Katara spoke his name hesitantly. Now that her life was no longer in immediate danger, the feeling first and foremost in her mind was confusion. What was going on? Why had Zuko shot those men? Weren’t they here on his orders?

Zuko turned to look at her and his expression immediately softened. His eyebrows furrowed into a worried frown and he rushed to her side. “Katara!” he called as he crouched down in front of her. “Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” He patted her down with his hands, looking for wounds.

Katara batted his hands away and shook her head. “Zuko, I don’t understand. Those were your own men. Why did you shoot them?”

Zuko’s eyebrows pushed together in clear confusion. “My own men? What in the world are you talking ab—”

“Well, well, well. I was wondering when you would finally decide to show up.”

Both Katara and Zuko looked at the door to the sheriff’s office where the voice of the outlaws’ boss had sounded from. The man was leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes trained on Zuko. “All of this would have been for nothing without the man of the hour.”

Zuko very clearly recognized the man, because he leapt to his feet and tightened his grip on his rifle. “Zhao?” he questioned, sounding confused. “What are you doing here? What’s the meaning of this?”

The boss—Zhao—uncrossed his arms and stepped slowly out onto the street. One of his hands traveled to a holster on his belt where Katara could see the butt of an expensive-looking revolver peeking out of his jacket. “You should know exactly what this is about,” he answered, the haughty smirk never once leaving his face. “Did you really think Mr. Redford would let you run off with a whole subset of his company? You were given the reins of Ember Steel because he expected you to run it responsibly in accordance with the family legacy. Instead, you took the whole horse and tried to run away with it. You can only imagine Mr. Redford’s disappointment.”

Zuko took a step forward, putting himself squarely between Katara and this Zhao who apparently worked for his father. “The company was given to me to do what I pleased with. I was within my legal rights to break off from Empire. He shouldn’t have any complaints.”

Zhao sighed and shook his head. “My, Zuko. Your time away from home has made you recalcitrant. You were expected to run the business, not take it over. In transferring ownership to yourself, you’ve left Mr. Redford in a sticky position. A position there’s really only one way out of.”

Zuko’s eyes narrowed. “He means to have me killed.”

Katara sucked in a breath. Zuko’s father what?

Zhao’s smirk widened. “A little slow on the uptake, but I knew you’d get there eventually.” With his free hand he reached into the lining of his jacket and produced a file folder which he waved in front of himself tauntingly. “And with this annoying little agreement of yours out of the picture, Mr. Redford will be all set to milk this quaint town for every penny that passes through it once I’ve delivered your head to him in a bag.”

Climbing shakily to her legs, Katara shuffled forward to stand at Zuko’s flank. “Like hell he will,” she challenged brazenly. “West Bluhaven won’t be trampled on by anyone.”

Zuko nodded, shooting her a smile over his shoulder. Looking back at Zhao, he said, “That’s right. And besides,” he raised his rifle and trained it on Zhao’s chest. “I think you’ll find I’m not that easy to kill.”

Zhao’s smirk didn't falter. “Perhaps not,” he agreed, much to Katara’s confusion. He cocked his head slightly and casually slid his gaze over to Katara. “But she is.”

Before Katara could so much as blink, Zhao was already in motion. Like lightning, he grasped his gun from its holster and fired a single shot.

What followed seemed to happen in slow motion. Katara’s eyes opened wide in shock. Her gaze fixed on the smoking barrel of the gun as her brain checked all the signals from her body, trying to find the spot where the bullet had entered her. It took at least three seconds for her to realize that her nerves weren’t sending any distress signals to her brain. She hadn’t been shot.

By that time, Zuko’s rifle was already clattering onto the street. Katara could only watch in horror as his dark hair sunk slowly down her field of vision and he crumpled to the ground. It was another two second before she registered what had happened.

Zuko had thrown himself in front of her. He’d taken the bullet meant for her.

Still very much in shock, her eyes travelled down to look at the young man lying in a heap at her feet. There was a hole in his shirt right over his stomach, and as she watched, red blossomed from the area like a rose unfurling to greet the summer.

In front of her, Zhao laughed. “Oh, predictable Zuko. A bleeding heart right to the end.”

Katara could barely hear him. She sank to her knees and placed her hands on Zuko’s chest. His eyes were open and he was looking at her with a shell-shocked expression. He was breathing, but his breaths were coming in quick, short gasps.

“We all tried to tell you that kindness of yours would be your downfall. You were simply never cut out to be a Redford.”

Slowly, Katara raised her face to look at Zhao. Zuko was dying and this abhorrent man was taunting him. Zuko had traded his life for hers, and Zhao was mocking him for it. She couldn’t understand.

She couldn’t understand this man at all.

Zhao shook his head and holstered his revolver. With one final disdainful sniff at the boy he’d shot, he turned away and began walking back to his horse. Behind him, his men followed suit.

Blood roared in Katara’s ears.

She couldn’t understand.

She couldn’t understand… but she did know one thing. Zhao needed to pay. Zuko had traded his life for hers. Now she would take Zhao’s life as payment for his.

Her eyes still open wide, Katara reached over Zuko and grabbed the fallen rifle. In one deft motion, she pulled herself to her feet and raised the rifle the way she’d seen Zuko hold it a million times.

Katara was no markswoman, but Zhao was only a few feet away and at such a range even she was hard pressed to miss. Zhao was just placing his foot on his horse’s stirrup in preparation mount when she lined the nose of the rifle with his back and, pausing only a moment to make sure her aim was true, squeezed the trigger.

Pop-BOOM.

Dead silence followed as Zhao’s grip on his horse’s saddle failed and his body slid to the ground with a thunk. Every person in the vicinity, friend and foe alike, stared at her, their mouths opened in shock. Even Bato watched her with an expression that could only be called utter awe.

As if spurred by her initiative, the crowd suddenly burst into motion, the men and women Katara had grown up with falling on the remaining outlaws with fists flying and nails scratching. Katara barely saw them. She dropped the rifle and ran back to Zuko’s side.

Zuko’s eyes were still open but they were hazy. He was losing blood fast and she could tell that he was on the verge of passing out. Thinking quickly, she tore off her dress, leaving her only in her underclothes, and pressed the fabric to his midsection. She needed to stop the bleeding. She needed to save Zuko’s life. She had to.

“K-Katara,” he croaked her name, his eyes trained on her as if she was the only thing tethering him to consciousness.

“Don’t speak!” she chastised him hotly. Her throat and eyes hurt. She felt like all her emotions were liable to come erupting out of her, tearing her to bitty pieces. “Just don’t. You need to focus on living right now.”

Zuko’s gaze didn’t stray from her face. She watched tears appear on his cheeks and was confused until she realized they belonged to her.

“You’re goingto live,” she insisted, willing the universe to make her words truth. “I’ll tell you what. If you promise to live, I’ll let you keep the mill. You can move Ember Steel’s headquarters to West Bluhaven for all I care. Just please...” She wiped her eyes, trying to stop from drowning Zuko in her own tears. “Please don’t die.”

Katara started in surprise when one of Zuko’s hands moved and brushed her leg. “I was…” he croaked out again, flagrantly disobeying her orders, “…always…hoping you…would say that.”

As if that one sentence sapped all his energy, Zuko’s eyes fell shut and his hand went limp, falling back to the ground with a dull thud. At once, Katara’s panic centers kicked into gear. “Zuko?” she called, giving him a shake. “Zuko!”

She was nearly scared out of her skin when a hand appeared on her shoulder. “Let him be, Katara. I’ve already sent for the doctor.”

Katara looked up to find her father hunched over her. He looked a little manhandled but no worse for wear. At the sight of him, healthy and whole, she turned on her knees and buried her face in his chest. He accommodated her by lowering one knee to the ground and in response she wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed him tightly.

Hakoda squeezed her back and raised a hand to pet her hair the way he used to when she was a child. “Now, don’t cry, Katara. Yugoda will get him patched up and he’ll be right as rain before you know it.”

Katara took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded against her father’s front. She prayed to every god she could name that her father was right.

If Zuko died…

She couldn’t think it. Zuko couldn’t die. Not after what he’d done for her. She’d never be able to forgive herself.

“I was wrong about him, Dad,” she told her father’s chest. “I was wrong the whole time.”

Hakoda made a sound of understanding in his throat. “You be sure to tell him that when he wakes up. I’m sure he’ll be very happy hear it.”

oOo

The following few days were hectic and rife with anxiety for Katara. All the outlaws who hadn’t managed to escape had been rounded up and thrown in jail. They were, of course, thoroughly questioned about the reason for their attack. However, it soon became apparent that Zhao’s goons didn’t know enough about the details of the job they were asked to do to craft a strong case against Ozai and Empire. This meant Hakoda’s hands were effectively tied. Without a confession from Zhao, they had no solid proof of Ozai’s involvement; just witness testimonies. This was a very difficult reality to accept because everyone who knew the truth wanted justice for Zuko.

Coupled with that was the matter of Katara’s own actions on that fateful day. Even if the law was willing to ignore what she’d done, Katara would never forget that she’d purposefully and calculatedly murdered a man. Zhao had been evil and had deserved death for what he’d done, but that didn’t stop the memory of putting a bullet in his back from haunting her at night when she settled down to sleep. Never had Katara ever imagined she’d carry the weight of a man’s life on her shoulders, and now that she crossed that line, she felt unclean—tainted. You couldn’t unkill a person.

Still, she knew that if she were to be sent back to that moment, she’d do it again. The thought of Zhao riding away after what he and his men had done caused the fury she’d felt that day to reignite inside her.

Of course, the matter that weighed most heavily on her was Zuko. It had been three days, and while she’d been assured many times by Yugoda that he was very much alive and on the road to recovery, she hadn’t been allowed into the clinic to see him at all. She checked back at least three times a day, but she was very firmly turned away each time. This put her anxiety on pins and needles. Sure, the doctor saidhe was recovering, but was he really? If he was really getting better then why wasn’t she allowed in to see him?

On the fourth day, however, that Katara was finally granted visitation rights. The moment Yugoda gave her the go-ahead, Katara raced past her to the small alcove where the clinic’s inpatient beds were situated.

She found him just as she’d been told he would be. He was dressed in a patient’s frock and his complexion was perhaps a little more pale than she was comfortable with, but he was sitting up and awake and when he saw her a bright smile spread across his face. “Katara!”

Katara wasted no time. She rushed to his bedside and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she cried into his shoulder. She didn’t care that embracing him like this, particularly in a public place, was wildly inappropriate. Nothing could have stopped her from doing it. She was just so relieved to see him alive. She’d thought she was going to lose him.

If Zuko minded being hugged, he didn’t let it on. Rather, he laughed and said, “What’s this? I thought you were itching to get rid of me.”

Katara abruptly pulled back and gave him a disapproving look. “I thought you were going to die and that’s the first thing you say to me?” Her left eyebrow twitched and her voice turned petulant as she said, “If you’re dissatisfied with my concern for your wellbeing then you are welcomed to leave.”

Zuko’s eyes crinkled and his smile turned fond. “Now, there’s the Katara I know.”

Heat rose to Katara’s cheeks and she turned her face to hide the evidence of how flustered his words made her. She played with her skirt with her fingers for a moment before she finally peeked back up at him. He was still smiling, his golden eyes aglow from the open window behind her.

Seeing him like this—his boyish face illuminated by cheerful sunlight and his mouth pulled into a sincere smile—she wondered how she’d ever thought he was evil.

Which reminded her. She had something to say to him.

“Um, Zuko,” she started, her tone turning serious. “I think I—no. I owe you an apology.”

At once, Zuko’s smile faltered and his eyebrows came together in confusion. “For what?”

Again, Katara’s cheeks turned pink. Oh, this was just so hard to say. “You know for what. For how I’ve treated you this past year.” Her hands found the front of her dress again and she twisted it in her fingers. “I acted like a proper witch, following you around and accusing you. You never did anything to deserve that kind of hostility. I was being close-minded and stubborn and…and I’m sorry. You’re actually a really good person, but I was too wrapped up in my presumptions about you to see that.”

The whole time she was speaking, Zuko had said nothing. He merely watched her without expression. When she finished, he nodded slowly. She could see his brain working behind his eyes as he considered what she’d said. At last, he said, “Thank you. I’m happy that your opinion of me has changed. But you know…” He tilted his head and his eyes were oddly serious as he continued, “It’s precisely that stubbornness of yours that I like best about you. The life I came from didn’t have people who would talk back to me. I appreciate that you’ve always been open with me about your feelings. I far prefer your honesty over masks of politeness.”

This gave Katara pause. Zuko actually liked her bullheadedness? He couldn’t really mean that. Giving him an unsure look, she asked, “Really?”

He nodded. His lips pulled up into a smile again and he said, “You have no idea how refreshing it’s been to be put in my place. The moment you told me to pack my things and “find somewhere else to ruin” I knew I was going to love this town.”

Katara’s mouth opened and closed in surprise. “Surely, you’re joking.”

Zuko chuckled and shook his head. “I assure you I’m not.” His eyes crinkled again in that way that told her he was being one-hundred percent genuine. “I really do love living here. And I promise I won’t do anything nefarious with the mill. So, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay here.”

Katara released her skirt, allowing the hem to fall back to the floor. Slowly, she shook her head in utter bafflement. She simply couldn’t wrap her mind around this bizarre young man. He was the son of the most wealthy and powerful man in America, and he wanted to stay here in her humble little West Bluhaven because he enjoyed being verbally abused by her.

Well, she wasn’t going to question his reasoning. The man had taken a bullet for her. As far as she was concerned, he could stay as long as he wanted. Pulling her mouth into a tiny, teasing smile, she said, “I believe the agreement was that you would be allowed to stay so long as you managed not to die. You’ve obviously upheld your end of the agreement, so I suppose I’ve no right to deny you.”

Zuko’s smile widened and his eyes danced with happiness. “Thank you, Katara.”

Katara returned his smile and shook her head. More seriously, she said, “There’s no need to thank me. You earned your right to be here a long time ago. However…” Her eyebrows slanted low over her eyes and she held a finger up in front of his face. “I do still very much intend to continue my daily inspections. Somebody needs to make sure you’re not working those hamsters of yours too hard.”

Zuko’s eyes crinkled again and he let out a chuckle. “Of course. I’ll be delighted to have you.”

Katara’s smile returned. Throwing propriety to the dogs, she leaned forward and wrapped him up in another hug. She was just so happy to have him back. Seeing him alive and recovering, all her other problems suddenly didn’t feel so great. So what if Ozai couldn’t answer for his crimes just yet? So what if the memory of killing Zhao still haunted her dreams? She and Zuko would face these things together. By far, the scariest thing she’d faced from that day was the prospect of losing him. Compared to that, those other two matters were as significant as raindrops in a lake.

“Um, Katara.”

Katara grunted. “What?”

“Your father’s right behind you.”

At once, Katara ripped away from Zuko and whirled around. Sure enough, Hakoda stood in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and one eyebrow raised high on his forehead.

Katara’s face lit up like a candle. “D-Dad!” she squeaked. “What are you doing h—I mean, this isn’t what it looks like!”

Hakoda pushed off the doorframe to enter the room fully and his arms uncrossed to move to his hips. Nobody was more surprised than Katara when one corner of his mouth lifted upward in a small, knowing smirk. “I did say I was happy that you were warming to Mr. Redford,” spoke in a slow drawl. “But maybe slow it down just a tad.”

oO0Oo

Okay, so that last bit was sort of an omake. Hakoda needed to be there. It was only fitting.

I know I skipped a ton of prompts. I really wanted to write for all of them, but I just didn’t have time. I barely managed to scratch this one out. Still, it’s better than 2012. I at least managed to do most of the prompts. (And there’s still tomorrow’s, too.) So…success? Kind of?

Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed this rushed finale to the Western AU. This last part didn’t end up matching with the prompt as well as I’d hoped, but that’s just how these things are sometimes. Stories don’t always go the way you intend them to. I’m just glad I was able to wrap it up in a timely fashion. I didn’t want to make everyone wait for this. I’ve already got enough of a reputation for leaving stories unfinished.

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering: No. Deputy Hanook never woke up. He’s still at his desk sleeping.

#Zutara #Zutara Month 2018 #zk month 2018 #30 days of Zutara #Western AU #It's finally done!#be warned it's very very long

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