#i am void. just a different version of void. i am still my own person. see it as just au shit - cyrus

[voids-cave]

they/them not as is enby but because i am literally 3 motherfuckers

[justallihere]

Hi there! Welcome - I'm Alli (she/her). I like concerts, books, and science. My favorite color is pink and my favorite band is Fall Out Boy. At this time I'm writing fics for The Empyrean (Fourth Wing) series, but someday in the future I might expand that list. Thanks for joining the chaos!

Most of you probably know me from AO3 by the same username. Below you can find my entire masterlist of fics as well as some frequently asked questions. If there's something you'd like to know that isn't addressed below, my ask box is always open 🫶🏻

✨ masterlist:

storm in the quiet (E)

Xaden/Violet, arranged marriage AU, > 200k words, ongoing

It took only a few minutes for Violet to figure out what purpose she served. No one said it out loud—not yet, but they’d get there—but they kept throwing out words like formalizing alliances and uniting two groups, and she understood. Violet was a sacrificial lamb, and Xaden Riorson was the wolf, and her slaughter would be their marriage.

(find sitq deleted moments here, here, and here)

simmer (E)

Xaden/Violet, one shot, 4.1k words, complete

The night that Tairn began channeling to Violet, she didn’t stumble upon Xaden in the snow. She found someone else to take care of her, and when Xaden realized, he was less than amused.

violence in my veins (E)

Xaden/Violet, one shot, 4.1k words, complete

The Riders’ Quadrant had something of an obsession with piercings. The only person Violet Sorrengail knew without any was, of course, Xaden Riorson. Or so she thought.

invisible in a violet sea (E)

Xaden/Violet, one shot, 2k words, complete

“It’s just me here, love. Tell me what you need so badly, Violence.” There was something about the way he said the private nickname in this context, with his voice low and husky, that made it feel entirely different from every other time he called her that. Like it was reverent and special and it, like her, belonged only to him. “You,” she said. “I need you, Xaden.”

void of all composure (E)

Liam/Violet/Cam, one shot, 2.8k words, complete

Liam Mairi figured it couldn’t be that hard to keep Violet Sorrengail out of trouble. Unfortunately, he didn’t account for the fact that her version of trouble was Cam Tauri, and Liam was certainly going to go down with her.

somehow i still love you more (G)

Xaden/Violet, kid fic, one shot, 800 words, complete

Xaden’s favorite time was the middle of the night, when his wife slept peacefully and he got to hold his daughter and watch the snow falling.

✨FAQs:

Do you have an update schedule?

Nope. Fanfic is a hobby for me—I have other responsibilities and a full-time job. I write because it’s fun, and in order for it to stay that way I write and post as I’m able, and sometimes I step away for a week or two to maintain my own sanity. Unless I specifically say it, I promise my fics aren’t abandoned just because it’s been a few days without a new chapter. Please don’t ask me about updates!

Do you take requests for fics?

I do not. I write things that I love or am inspired by. Trying to conform to specific requests kind of sucks the joy out of writing for me.

Can I write something inspired by your fics?

Go for it! Fanfiction is fanfiction. At the end of the day we’re all just playing in the same sandbox, and the tropes and ideas I use aren’t unique. Twist them however you want, and have fun writing your own take on them. If you want others to know where your inspiration came from, you can use the “inspired by” function on AO3, or link back to my fic in some way if you’re posting your work on another site. That can also be helpful for readers to find similar works.

Can I bind your fics?

Yes, for personal use only. You may not commission any third party that would make a profit off binding the fic to do the work for you. You may not sell bound copies of my fics. Everything I’ve written has been done for free, as my own personal love letter from me to fandom. Keep fanfiction safe and legal. And send me pictures—I’d love to see your finished projects!

Will you ever write your own book?

I'd love to one day! I have lots of ideas floating around at all times, even though I don't talk about them much. I promise if I ever publish any original works, you'll know.

How long will storm in the quiet be?

Right now I’m estimating about 55-60 chapters—that’s just a best guess, if it changes as we get closer to the end, I’ll update this answer.

Will storm in the quiet have a sequel?

Nope.

Are you going to kill Liam?

No. I promise. I know you’re all traumatized, but please read the tags on AO3. There’s one that says “Liam lives!” and it means he lives all the way to the end and it’s not a joke 😅

When will Xaden and Violet fuck?

Never if you keep testing me. Enjoy the slow burn! I’m begging! (And if you can’t, go check out my one shots. They’re very smutty.)

✨ other info:

Find some of my favorite book recs here

Some great Fourth Wing fic recs here (my own faves and a lot of other good ones that I missed in the comments)

If you’re interested in what I might be currently reading, click here

[lovebvni]

Hii, I was researching channeling people from my DR but some peoples experience sound fun and emotional while others are saying that it’s dangerous and you shouldn’t do it. I understand you need to have protection before you do it but I’m nervous now and I need help starting so can you please help me 😭🙏🏾

hey anon!! ofc i can help you out <3

for the past few days i have been channeling every night so my father, loki, and a few other guides could help me get into the void — and it’s been going pretty well!

one thing i do have to say though, is channeling takes a lot of belief and determination for people just starting. i’ll be real, i still have my doubts, and i even told lilith this and she literally smacked me (not hard, dw) and asked me if i felt it 💀💀 i love her <3

anyways! enough with my stories! let’s get in how to do it <3

vv long blog below vv

How to Channel Safely

okay! there are many different ways to channel, but the one i use and the one i will be teaching is through clairaudience. it literally means clear hearing. some examples include when you hear a ringing in your ear (if u don’t have a hearing problem) or randomly hearing your name called out when nobody around you said it!

now to do this on command, it takes practice — a lot of it, but you will get the hang of it! coming from someone who literally learned it in less than a week, you’ve got this.

PROTECTION

the most important part of any spell or form of channeling, manifesting, or making something happen is protecting your own energy. you don’t want to allow negative energies to enter your spirit or your place of residence, because they can mess things up.

for protection, you can preform a protection spell, set up crystals, sprinkle salt near doors or walls, or even just simple affirmations; the easiest one and the one i do every day.

the thing is, i wouldn’t recommend just affirming for beginners unless you are confident in your craft. it is hard to do if you set an intention in a half assed way. you need to be strong, clear and powerful with it.

the best method for beginners or even people who have done it before, in my opinion, would be with crystals such as clear or smoky quartz, tigers eye or amethyst.

when using crystals, i suggest playing a song with positive and protective energy, like an upbeat song, and sending your positive vibrations from the song into the crystal/s. make sure you have at least 2, so one can be behind you and one in front of you or one for each hand.

2. CALLING ON A SPIRIT

calling on a spirit or the universe is easy, it’s just a matter of calling the one you want or the version of them you would like to talk to.

so, i know 3 versions of loki personally. my pops —the literal norse deity, my s/o loki from my spiderverse dr, and my mentor/friend loki in my mcu dr. now it can get confusing, but they all have similar souls/spirits. two just have incarnate forms.

so, let’s say i want to call on my friend loki. i close my eyes and say or speak in my mind, “i am channeling loki {replace his name with whoever you would like to channel} from my mcu dr. when he is here, he will touch my arm, grab my hand, or say hello.”

just something like that, it doesn’t have to be exact. around this affirmation, i say something like “my guides are protecting me from any negative spirits, tricksters, or anyone who wants to harm me in any way while i am channeling. nothing i do not want to channel will affect my spirit, soul, house or family.” or something similar. i’m usually more casual with it lmfao

while affirming, i always notice and take note of where the little voice in my head is coming from. is it at the front of your head? near one of your temples? towards the back? any way, take note of it, because it will come in handy when confirming they are with you.

3. CONFIRMATION THEY ARE WITH YOU

to confirm a spirit is with you, simply ask for a sign.

it’s as easy as that! ask them to touch you, give you a certain smell, remind you of a specific scenario, so on and so forth! this is where the other clair’s can come an and are helpful :)

now, when they speak or communicate with you, i want you to recognize where their voice is speaking in comparison to yours. for me, i usually hear lokis {father} voice on the far upper left of my head, while lilith is more towards the back.

when channeling, sometimes you will see or hear things — and this is because you’re more connected to the spirit world. when channeling lilith, i see a slightly red energy, when channeling loki, i see a green energy, when channeling my friends s/o (when i did) i used to see red feathers/wings. and this was all with my eyes wide open. i didn’t see them in the 3d, rather in the 4d. it’s really fun btw! just make sure to take note of them.

another thing i suggest is asking them facts. their hair colour, their eye colour, when you met, their birthday, whatever. that’s just for confirmation.

4. CHAT AWAY

you’re talking to someone important to you! have a conversation when you get to them! don’t let me guide you!!

5. ENDING A CHANNELING SESSION

the way i end channeling sessions is literally by saying “i am cutting off my channeling line. i can not be accessed unless it is important or necessary.” or something like that.

sometimes i literally forget and the spirits will leave lmao. it’s that simple.

EXTRA — TIPS!!

when channeling, be open and ready. you can be told things you don’t want to hear, and that’s okay! just keep going with it.

remember — the person you’re channeling is a soul too! don’t try to control them or hurt them emotionally. they have feelings.

you can feel things while channeling! be careful with this. spirits can make unwanted advances. although i have never had it happen to me, be prepared.

you can accidentally channel!! i’ve done this before with my s/o. everything felt different and i felt his presence. neither of us said a word, but rather just stayed with each other <3

try channeling with pinterest!! set the intention to channel someone and you can get their messages through pinterest. make sure not to go with your algorithm though, because you could be tricking yourself!! <3

DONT MAKE THIS A SUBSITUTE FOR YOUR DR/WR!!! can you talk to the people? yeah! but you’re not with them. don’t let channeling hold you back from shifting, okay?

i love u all!! i hope this helps someone along with u anon!! there are so many more ways to channel, and my friend actually taught me <3 i really really hope u can channel and have fun with it

[bunkahi]

[MAJOR SPOILERS] up to the end of 6.0: Elidibus knew the future, and how translation harmed it's impact.

I posted this on twitter, but almost no one saw. As such I'm uploading it here, not only because I can go into more detail, but because I think this is one of the most important aspects to Elidibus' character that I never see anyone talk about.

Elidibus knew the future. This has been DIRECTLY stated since 2.55... but what you may not know is that this has been indirectly hinted at (more explicitly in Japanese) since Elidibus' first appearance in 2.1. In this sickly written 'essay,' I will be sharing with you all an incoherent babble of Elidibus' story, along with major changes in the English translation that diminish the legitimacy that he knew the future before becoming Zodiark.

Please note: Tl;dr version is at the bottom, for this post IS long. Tl;dr implores you to at least look at the images provided below.

Let us begin not at 2.1, but rather 5.3. The most important translation difference in my personal opinion. It is your climb up the crystal tower, and Elidibus stands before it's throne. As he awaits your arrival, he ponders the crystal in his hand. The crystal of the Exarch's memories... memories of a possible future.

For those who may not be able to see the images above, I will summarize the difference. While most of the translation is the same between Japanese and English, there is one major difference.

In both versions, Elidibus looks at the Crystal and calls it worthless. A possible future is the same as the past. It is fated to fray, fade, and disappear. In English he follows this with "Leaving naught but a gaping void..." Meanwhile, in Japanese he says "Within me as well... could such a thing have once dwelled, I wonder?" (keep in mind I'm trying to keep the translation here as exact as I can, including the awkward structure, as I want it to be easy for people to compare my translation to the original text.)

I think this is very... very interesting. While I, at times, adore Square Enix's liberties in translation (otherwise we would not have the absolute banger “The rains have ceased, and we have been graced with another beautiful day. But you are not here to see it.”), I think this was an interesting moment to take liberties.

What's done is done however, my main focus on this essay is not to criticize the translations though. It is just to inform what I believe is true about Elidibus' character. As such, I will no longer be addressing translation differences beyond providing them for context.

So let us move on to discuss the very interesting implications this has, using the short story "Ere Our Curtain Falls"

English version: "Will you not look at your crystal?" I asked.

When Elidibus was still Elidibus and Lahabrea still Lahabrea, we had collected all of our memories of the Fourteen and committed them to crystal, that those who would take our seats one day might learn. Elidibus would, I was sure, find much within to help him remember─yet he shook his head.

"I am Elidibus. So long as I remember my duty, that is enough. Aught else I would only lose again in the course of this timeless struggle...and if these memories are truly so precious, pray do not ask that I forget them twice."

The last part in Japanese: "I am Elidibus, and I remember what I need to do, and how to accomplish it. That is enough. Even if I remember this or that, I will lose it again in this continuing battle. If it is an important memory, don't make me forget over and over again."

(Link to Japanese story, which you can switch into English, at least on desktop, at the top right of the page)

Elidibus thinks a crystal that holds memories of a possible future is worthless... and he refuses to look at his own memory crystal... how interesting... very very interesting.

As a quick refresher of the important things that occur next: You fight Elidibus and put him in the crystal tower. The final days begins again. Left with no one else to turn to, we go to speak to Elidibus at the crystal tower. He remembers us in the past, and knows where he must send us... which is something that can only be done THANKS to him being sealed in the crystal tower.

And now I feel we can move on to OUR beginning of Elidibus, aka 2.1. Though there is a LOT of text that I feel should not have been altered, I only translated what I feel matters most to me. A specific piece of information that had it's implications completely altered, and the implications that Elidibus goes out of his way to TEACH Minfilia about the ascians.

(I will only transcribe the translation.)

"Was I not passed down in folklore? Well, it has been thousands of years since I last appeared in this world. Can't be helped. You all are the ones who defeated the priest of the abyss. I thought you understood a few things about us but...

We are immortal beings. When we posses a person, even should you destroy the dark crystal, our existence won't be destroyed.

I am the mediator. I have no desire to fight you all. Today, I came only to tell you that. Let us meet again."

Kiiiiind of strange that he would just casually tell us that they can't be defeated like that. What is there to gain in giving away such a secret? Perhaps he's cocky... or perhaps there's more.

to recap what matters in the next patch, 2.2: The sahagins are preparing to summon Leviathan. Y'shtola spies on them, and hears them speak of how they're going to ascend in power (a parallel to things Elidibus said to Minfilia.) We decide to investigate, and witness the Sahagin priest ascend into "immortality," before watching his essence be absorbed within Leviathan, with him questioning why the emissary/white robed one seemed to have tricked him.

Now keep in mind, before this patch, it's already established that Lahabrea is the one to promote primal summonings, AND that Lahabrea is back. What reason would Elidibus have to no only promote the summoning of Leviathan, but to risk teaching immortality to the Sahagin priest, especially when he KNOWS the scions are in direct opposition to not only to the ascians but to primals? And for this to be one of the first things he does, after thousands of years of not appearing in our world, and AFTER he approaches Minfilia to speak of seemingly only non-sense. What, oh what could be the purpose?

"My power... it's being taken... I'm being absorbed by the great water god? Did I... not become... immortal? White robed one... what... is this?!"

It is thanks to this "slip" in Elidibus' decision making that we learn that the ascians are in fact NOT immortal. They are simply beings of aether that have not dispersed. They can be ABSORBED within something, and when that something is destroyed, they don't return. It is directly thanks to Elidibus doing this that we learn not only how to defeat him and his brothers... but also that we can seal him away in the crystal tower.

Surely this is just coincidence, right? There's just no way. Clearly this is all set up to be a piece of sad, tragic irony right?

I take us now to the very final cutscene of 2.55. Though there are differences in translation, I find them mostly negligible. As such I will speak referencing the English translation.

The final cutscene features Lahabrea and Elidibus. Elidibus appears within Lahabrea's shadow to speak of Nabiales' death before the camera changes, placed in a cage and peering into the other side where Lahabrea and Elidibus stand. The bars of the cage separate them, though the darkness makes it hard to see.

Elidibus says that the warrior of light is becoming too strong. That they must make haste to stop them. He suggests Lahabrea head to the northern lands, and Lahabrea agrees and departs.

Urianger appears from the dark behind Elidibus, wishing to know why he has been summoned. To which, Elidibus says the he wishes to speak of fate.

Now why does he do this? As a reminder of what comes next: We defeat Lahabrea, Igeyorhm, and Thordan. This leads to there being no calamity on the source ready to absorb the 1st after it succumbs to light, and the Garleans having access to Azys Lla, meaning they have direct access to the warring triad.

All of this happens at the very end 3.0. However, this conversation between Urianger and Elidibus happens in 2.55. Even should you try to argue that it doesn't take place exactly when it's shown to us, it does HAVE to happen before the mid point of 3.0 at a minimum considering Lahabrea is obviously alive in this cutscene, and more than likely happens before you cross the bridge into Ishgard.

The only thing left to truly note when it comes to this topic is that all of this is reinforced in 3.1 with cutscenes in the Great Gubal Library (2nd to last cutscene of the patch)

"This is thy proof? The Gerun Oracles? Apocrypha."

"Our fates were ordained long ago, Archon. The Garleans are no exception. Nor the Triad. You know what must be done.

In conclusion, Elidibus knew Lahabrea would fail, and that he would need Urianger for not only the warring triad, but to get Minfillia to stop the flood of the first. It was a fate ordained long ago, for we are in a soft timeloop.

Now you may ask, how can you explain him knowing to do this despite his memory loss? If this is all the case, why does he fight us at the crystal tower so genuinely? To be blunt, I cannot give you a direct answer, outside of what is stated above. Elidibus seems to know on SOME level 'some' kind of goal. Specifically saying "I know what I need to do, and how to accomplish it."

Does he directly state what this goal is? No. Ultimately everything above can only be counted as speculation, but personally, I am of the mentality of "why show us this if it's not meant to mean something? Why does Elidibus do something that has already been established as another character's role? Why would THIS be the first thing he does in our world for thousands of years? Why have a character do this if it's not meant to mean something? Especially when THIS something (teaching immortality) leads to the DIRECT consequence of being sealed in the crystal tower, which is our ONLY way to go THAT far into the past to know about Meteion?"

When did he learn the future? That also would be speculation, but as Emet-Selch states, the memory crystals were made before the Zodiark's summoning. If they are truly eluding to his crystal holding memories of a possible future, and the Japanese version of Ere Our Curtain Falls specifically states that he's been losing himself and his memories since the moment he fell from Zodiark to help the convocation, then chances are high it's before the summoning. Who told him would be pure speculation, but the most likely answer is either Venat, Azem, or the Warrior of Light. And before anyone brings this up, no, I do not believe the writers are going to drop every character related to Zodiark and Hydaelyn just because we're moving on to a new chapter. The consequences of the past will continue into the future. While the ancients may no longer be the FOCUS of the story, I doubt we're never going to see them or interact with the past ever again. They will more than likely be explored further in side content ([SPOILERS FROM DAWN TRAIL TRAILER] given Solution 9 has text in Proto-Alphabet, aka the alphabet of the ancients... yeah... um... don't think our explorations related to the ascians and the past are over.) [SPOILERS OVER]

Now, I still haven't worked on translating 4.X, so I will make no comments towards it and any information it might hold in terms of Japanese Elidibus' views on not only the world, but of the future. Perhaps when I have time to translate it I will make a follow up post. I will also be posting some of my smaller translations from twitter to tumblr in time.

Tl;Dr: Elidibus thinks a crystal of a possible future is worthless. He refuses to look at his own crystal. Because his crystal was made before the sundering, he knew the future at least before that point.

Elidibus taught us indirectly how to seal away ascians, and summons Urianger to help him before there is even a CHANCE of knowing he'd need him unless he knew the future.

With this in mind, it's clear to me that Elidibus guided our path into sealing him into the crystal tower so that he could make the time portal and secure the soft timeloop we're in. Though chances are HIGH this is all subconscious the entire time because of memory loss.

Thank you for coming to my Elidibus Talk.

[applegameisprollytaken]

Welcome to... I dunno, some bullshit? Look, I mostly am making this to do some shameless self promotion, and explain some gimmicks.

Let's start with the side blogs

@the-forgotten-god-of-spite

This is Eivel, an OC who, as the url suggests, is the forgotten god of spite. He is, despite barely being at a tenth of his former power, more powerful than some gods.

Then we have @plushiemonstervoid

This lil baby man is a OC known as Monster apples (the naming conventions will be explained after the side blogs). He is a he/they babyboy who exists only to be optimistic and eldritch. Did I mention he eats people's souls and absorbs their personalities? He is the wholesome one, in case it wasn't obvious

Then, @the-fort-official

This is all the other OC's I have made. Some have their own blogs, but 99% are there. It's basically a shared account between most of my OC's, or at least the ones who live in the F.O.R.T.. (send an ask asking for one from... well, basically any fictional universe, and you will probably meet a citizen. But watch out!)

Also: @themothtoyourflame

One of the fine citizens of the F.O.R.T. actually managed to get a date. With mothman, but still. He got his own account. Sadly, mothman-fucker apples still has to use the f.o.r.t. account

@game-overkill...

Well, let's just say, in some alternate timelines, the villains decide to stop pulling punches. So everyone dies. Almost, that is. One survived. One escaped. And is doing a AMA!

@appledoawrite

My rant blog has become a writing blog. See the blogs pinned post for more, because I'm tired of writing. Go there for fanfics and also sometimes saying things about my different characters.

@projectb-33

The text Beekeeper. He sure is a guy. Too bad he barely knows anything about himself, is a kleptomaniac, and in denial of being gay. Oh, also, he is very not ok. Because I like him as a character

@appledoamisc

Music? Animations? Fanart? You want it, we got it. As long as you have enough reblogs!

The context bits for lore and stuff:

The fort is a base of operations for all the variations of apples from across the multiverse. They took over a whole universe just to build it

Naming conventions: most versions are named after where they are from, or their gimmick, as most are named some variation of Nicolas, or apples (if the former, then will probably have a nickname regarding the latter). Examples: bioshock apples, crusader apples, monster apples, looper apples, prime apples, ect

The multiverse I go with is a bit complicated, but the barest of bones is that all fiction is a alternate universe, and there are "teirs" of multiverse, which is basically a bunch of bubbles that get harder and harder to travel between.

There is a void. It tends to mix whatever gets thrown in and spit out amalgamations. Or, if you have enough plot armor, make your own nemesis (see prime apples and evil apples)

There are villains, and they might be hunted towards. Sadly, they are not interested in talking to you. Exept the seduction twins, but I try to keep this place at least mostly sfw, so... no.

More to be added when I remember

SIDE BLOGS ARE ASK FOCUSED. IF NOBODY SENDS ASKS, NOBODY GETS TO SEE THE LORE I WORKED SO HARD ON

The obligatory dni's:

Transphobes, homophobes, radfems, terfs, nazis, racists, Karen's, creeps, weirdos, and other unsavory persons. (If you think a specific type of person is worse for one of their attributes, then you probably are not allowed.)

Sadly, nobody cares about the lore, so... enjoy seeing all the random posts that gave my brain the happy chemicals

[southshoretides]

Type of Guy Who Fears The Void

On the object level, I think this DeBoer piece correctly identifies a certain type of person (aging white man who self-consciously and showily hates all aging-white-guy pop culture in favor of trying to stay hip), but as the commenters implicitly/explicitly point out, that type of guy is concentrated among the east-coast-grad-educated-tastemaker-social-media-part-time-writer set, i.e. Freddie's milieu, which he often tricks himself into believing is the only milieu in the world. Go to any bar in the Midwest and poll the natives on BTS-vs-Pearl Jam and you'll get different results. (Freddie is of course interminably contrarian relative to whatever his local milieu is, and if fate had brought him to Kansas instead of Brooklyn, he'd be the most red-tribe-hating, pining-for-Brooklyn's-loving-embrace guy on the internet.)

But the meta level of "People recognize that the world naturally puts them in stereotypical boxes and either fight to escape that or wholeheartedly embrace it" is something I think about a lot. That first paragraph was all about different Types of Guy, and that's all it is these days, isn't it? Type of guy, type of guy, type of guy. A whole generation of internet-raised autists can pinpoint your political beliefs based on how you dress or what kind of car you drive. "Guy who makes youtube videos while driving his SUV and wearing wraparound sunglasses" is a different type of guy than "Guy who insists that Carly Rae Jepsen is the best songwriter of the 2010s" but they are politically and culturally opposite Types of Guy, even though there's no rule that says Democrats can't drive SUVs or Republicans can't like Carly Rae Jepsen. But the trend-lines are strong enough that people notice anyway.

@max1461 occasionally gripes about how quickly and thoughtlessly people transpose is-statements with ought-statements, or in other words, take objective factual data about something and try to force it into a prefab narrative. And it certainly is annoying, but to an extent it's like making fun of cavemen for thinking every rustle of grass is a tiger. That's what their environment is giving them, and it's what their brains adapt for. What our environment is giving us is an endless parade of people who eagerly and effusively promote their political and cultural opinions, and eagerly and effusively identify those opinions with such and such group, so no wonder it's so easy for even an amateur to unearth a Type of Guy. No wonder you can look at someone with a Roman-statue avatar and predict with reasonable accuracy his thoughts on young women who dye their hair. And I think this is something the internet makes worse, not better.

I think any objective accounting of the situation would have to conclude that it's easier to be an eccentric in 2023 than in 1993. The internet has allowed weird people to find each other, talk to each other, understand each other and themselves in a way that simply didn't exist before. At the very least, you don't get that "Am I the only human on earth who's like this?" feeling. And the cheap, Hallmark version of diversity/eccentricity is still a popular cultural value: those wall-hangings and birthday cards your aunt buys say "Be Yourself: Everyone Else is Taken", not "Yourself sucks, Be Someone Else." No one wants to be seen as the stodgy, bitter old fart. Part of it, I'm sure, is a cultural thing--Americans seem to obsess over individuality and being one's truest self more than others.

And yet...there's also this ambient sense that eccentricity-in-itself has been devalued in 2023 relative to 1993, at least in my circles. Everything from eccentric tastes in art ("What are you, some kind of hipster filmbro?"), sex ("Of course I'm sex-positive but weird creepy shit doesn't count!") or politics ("You don't really think that, you're just being edgy.") People who value weirdness and eccentricity for its own sake feel hemmed in by people who either openly see it as a threat to their own culture's local hegemony. A lot of the internet really does seem to live by the 'nail that sticks out gets hammered down' and sees that as a good thing. Seems paradoxical.

(For the record, I'm not laying the blame here at any particular subculture. Conservatives blather on about freedom and liberty and then say anyone who refuses to lick an HOA's balls is a dangerous subversive. Progressives say everyone is valid and beautiful and then plaster their spaces with various 'freaks DNI' equivalents, 'freak' status being determined by vibe-centric whisper campaigns. Liberals will Celebrate Diversity up to and no further than the point where it damages quarterly profits. No "name" group is immune to this, really, but certain subgroups are.)

A theory: the normie-weirdo ratio isn't particularly different than it used to be, but the way they interact is different. In the pre-internet days, the weirdos were well aware they were weird, and in having to navigate normie-land with psychological armor on, at least they might come to understand it somewhat. Now, for those who want it, there's an unending stream of validation and insistence that you're perfect the way you are. Without shading into the "can suffering be a good thing if it leads to change for the better?" argument, I think even people who are all-in on the answer being "no" have met at least one person defined by their self-actualization curdling into selfishness and narcissism, to the point where you can't understand how they function, in a way that is directly attributable to a having a stable of pseudonymous online enablers. That's a real phenomenon the way that "Shut up and repress, you freak" is a real phenomenon. They can both suck. They can even both suck in ways that make the other one worse.

The post-mainstream, pre-social-media 'Golden Age' of the internet was when it was basically a playground for weird people. Now everyone's on it by necessity, the weirdo-in-a-small-town dynamics are back, but now the whole world is the small town with the added "no one can ever really escape for good" dynamics of the internet tracking and recording and monetizing every aspect of human interaction.

The weirdos who are old enough to remember when the internet was their turf close ranks and start watching each other for the first signs of Turning Normie--itself something that's antithetical to actually following one's own star and drawing from whatever cultural tradition you find satisfying. The weirdos who aren't old enough grin and bear it because "you're constantly being judged by everyone" is just normal life for them. The stuff that's so popular that liking it puts you in the biggest box possible will benefit; stuff that was never gonna be popular under any circumstances will keep trucking. It's the cultural middle class, as usual, that suffers the most. Again, as I keep emphasizing, this cultural panopticon being both unending and global is unprecedented in human history.

I really think a lot of current cultural neuroses are due to this, although I can't really prove it and don't have the resources to research it. This sense of modern technology revealing to people how fundamentally uninteresting they are and rebelling against it explains a lot to me--the tendency of people to ideologically self-sort to narrower and narrower levels, the uncanny ability of observers to categorize even the relatively-novel versions of those self-sorts, the tendency of some people to just give up and openly embrace everything the hivemind says about them, "be yourself" as a zombified and omnipresent cultural meme when millions of people are struggling existentially with exactly that, every culture absorbing ambient victim-mentality and thinking they're the only right-living people in a world gone mad, the 'cultural class' getting deeper and deeper into objectively-adolescent pop-cultural obsessions and lashing out at the idea they should try something more challenging, the aging-out-of-relevance hipsters Freddie discusses being mortified by the idea of being perceived as exactly that.

The problem, for me at least, is that I understand there is a way out, and if anything it feels worse. I may be a bit younger than the type-case Freddie describes, and am not in an industry where I have to constantly prove my relevance to myself and others, but I am doing the opposite of aging gracefully. Instead of constantly trying to convince my social circle (I don't have a social circle) that having the political, cultural, and artistic preferences of a 21-year-old means I still am one at heart, I engage in the much-healthier practice of spending every waking moment fantasizing being 21 or 18 or, shit, even 14 again. I know nobody really likes getting older. I also think that if everyone was as obsessive and self-loathing about it as I am, society would cease to function. My regrets and pining are definitely unhealthy, obsessive and all-consuming, but I don't really talk about them because there's no way it ends other than "Yeah, that sucks."

But a lot of the people in Freddie's comment section are saying things like "Once I realized I was fundamentally unimportant and my opinions didn't really matter, I could get down to raising my kids/doing my job, which matters more than my feelings." And maybe ten years from now I'll be OK with that. Hell, maybe I'll actually have kids, unlikely as that sounds now. Right now that mindset sounds like a self-administered lobotomy. Maybe I'd be OK with it if I'd actually lived it up in my teens and twenties, tried to become an actual person and discovered what I like about myself, instead of just vaguely Following Rules and assuming there was a payoff to that. Maybe I'd accept that there comes a point in life where my destiny is to be a good parent/worker and that necessarily implies shaving off the hard bits of your personality. Or maybe even the people who were good at being young struggle with getting old. Maybe our cultural/technological moment is just making that a struggle for everyone. Guess I'll never know.

But as we creep closer to no one's parents, then no one's grandparents, remembering a world without the eternal and all-consuming Now of the internet, I suspect I won't be the only one aging with a complete lack of grace, and I suspect we as a culture are completely unprepared to deal with it.

[historia-vitae-magistras]

Hi! Do you happen to still have your headcanons about death? It was one of my favorite posts of yours. Thank you!

I don't have the post but this is a headcanon I think about a lot. I have two versions. The hard reset reboot and the soft reboot. The hard reboot is where the fantasy parts of my universe kick in and the soft reboot is something very much based in reality and biology.

Hard reboot:

This is only possible with the complete destruction of a body. Think getting ground to paste by the force of a glacier or going so far down in a ship wreck the pressure atomizes the body or getting turned into pink mist by artillery. Either the body is completely destroyed or otherwise the damage is unsurvivable. A beheading or certain kinds of spinal injuries for example are impossible to survive under any circumstances. This results in a whole molecular reset. Whatever was now ceases to exist entirely. No remains in the ground, no spare parts. Nothing left but the blood spatters and the echoing scream They are completely remade in a very mysterious process no one quite understands. And the results can be extremely dramatic when they reappear. They may be lacking scars they've had forever or they may reappear later on. Limbs may or may not regrow. Arthur may have lost the Danelaw scar for awhile and it may have popped up again later. Matt might lose some of the scars from the WW1 shrapnel eventually. While I do think that nation's have some built in abilities to cope just being what they are and a lot of trauma fades over time, trauma reactions can be variable and uneven. So while they may reboot and reset, it's still very circumstantial. They might feel better or different afterwards but it's still incredibly disconcerting.

Soft reboot:

The other type I call the 'soft reboot' or the biologically possible one, auto-resuscitation also sometimes called Lazarus syndrome. About half of doctors report seeing a case with their own eyes but data is still quite hard to come by. For most people that it happens too it shows up in their medical records vaguely and the difference between reversed clinical death and auto-resuscitation is not entirely clear to physicians, nurses or patients. But one possible theory is that it is the heart being restarted by pressure of some sort exerted onto the cavities in the chest. This doesn't have a reset. I am not dying today. It's fucking painful. I am not dying today. Coming back is terrifying. One moment the world is dark and cool and the terror of he medical environment is fading and any thoughts echo limply. Life and person hood trickles away but scrambling for a grip, something rolling into a void desperate for traction. No life flashing before the eyes. But Death is there. A sun bleached skeleton, the dried and decaying flowers of a funeral crowning an eyeless skull. Death offer's a hand and the falling is over. I am not dying today.

And then it does go black for a long time but then... life. The bones are a different temperature from the flesh. Every muscle has been strained every fucking direction. Half the ribs are broken because doctor's might have called it. The eyeballs aren't quite in the head right. A death has been declared, paperwork half filled out but the sun is rising, death kisses a bruised, warming cheek and asks, wryly.

"𝑨𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏?"

There's no magic reboot. The guts are bit rotted from sitting in a corpse for a night. There's a little brain damage but not as nearly as much as there should be. The joints are swollen, every vein in the face and neck and legs are pulling through muscle and flesh like cords through clay, held only inside by skin. Everything that was wrong is still wrong, and a little worse. But the sun is up. The sun is up and the heart still beats and the rest will heal. It has no choice but to heal. Because there is a heartbeat and breathe and the rest can wait.

[adambja]

Simplifying some things about the void

The void state is you!

If the void is you

you are already you

and you are already in yourself

so you are in the void state

since it's already you no matter what you see thru these physical eyes or feel thru that physical body!!

• In another way it will be like

The void state is me!

If the void is me

I am already me

and I am already in myself

so I am in the void state

since it's already me no matter what i see thru these physical eyes

It's just the way we exist!!!

And about this one question

• how to enter?!

Just relax sometimes the problem is how you feel okay so take your time to fix your self-concept and enter again and that's it in fact you already enter everyday since you were born but you weren't even aware cause when we are asleep the subconscious mind is open and we always experience the purest version of ourselves unless you assume something else and that's why somehow the self-concept is important to make your journey easier!! 🫶🏻 And sometimes it's not even your self-concept it's just the way you perceive the void and how you wanna enter it and this going back and forth and thinking that it's the problem was because of sumn in the past but it already changed it all changed!! So why don't you take another leap of faith and just sit with yourself and try again I DON'T MEAN starting over I mean realizing where you went wrong and starting from there again!! 🥹🫶🏻 I hope your journey is as fun as mine and have a great day/night

About coaching

For coaching (self-concept - void state - shifting) | (discounts for students and specific clients depending on their problems and their situations i am dealing with) - message me

For affirmation tapes (self-concept - void state - shifting - subconscious mind....more) (personalized and unpersonalized) | (discounts for students and specific clients depending on their problems and their situations i am dealing with) - message me

I have packages too and another thing the self-concept package includes the shifting package too and the void state package is on its own and you will get what you actually need I won't let you pay for sumn you don't need i already have my money but this coaching isn't for free for many reasons and yeah that's it so if you need self-concept package I will tell you this but if you need a self-concept tape only I will let you know sometimes you don't need the whole package at all!!! Just tapes and that's a total different lower price 🫶🏻 and still you can enter and wake up in your void without my coaching if you know everything well enough but my coaching is just an easier way and faster way you can take that chance too if you want period and check this post I have if you wanna enter on your own it will change the way you see the void

[my-reality-my-rules]

Do you have any recommendations for guided meditations or creating ones own method?

[thanks for this ask!]

≿❈≾

GUIDED MEDITATIONS

before i start anything else, I'd like to mention one of my favourite shifting subliminal creators on youtube: Alunir! they have a wide collection of guided meditations, all with different methods and full or short versions. I've used the subs ever since late 2021; the ones that've worked for me so far are the adhd, the void state, and the intend-pretend methods. check the channel out here!

now, onto a few tips i can suggest (:

- - -

(1) trying different methods

one of the biggest things that's helped me when it comes to guided meditations is the practice of spontaneity. it's quite tiring to research and practice several methods on every other night, but the payoff of being able to see where my limits lie is worth it. note that this isn't a quick process—it can take up time and energy. this is a small warning that you might end up demotivated at certain points, but i want to assure you that it's also a part of the learning process.

i have a bucket list of methods, some simple and some complicated. all of these have become into quite the considerable pile, and i won't hesitate in admitting that attempting to do most of them makes me incredibly exhausted at certain points. but that list also helps me discover and root out what works best for me, and what doesn't. this is also a reason why i recommended alunir! they have guided meditations that touch on a wide variety of methods for shifting. if you're interested in trying out new methods, i highly recommend the channel.

- - -

(2) if you feel unsure of yourself, appeal to your stronger points

I've had many people message me in private about how guided meditations simply don't work for them, how they simply can't commit to them. there are factors to consider, of course—for example, overthinking, exhaustion, or a limited attention span. one thing I've thought of recently is to work smarter, not harder. be realistic about it: don't force your body to do what you can't physically achieve.

so, find the chance where it counts. what do you find difficulty with? an overactive imagination can be directed with a script; mould your perfect scene and pour the emotions into that. if you fall asleep before finishing a guided meditation, then don't lie down—try shifting while sitting up. some people are disturbed by dreams, so find meaning in them and learn to adapt with them. a stronger point doesn't necessarily mean something you're good at while shifting. it's something you can do with ease better than the action you're having trouble with.

- - -

≿❈≾

CREATING METHODS

to be frank, I'd been unsure on how to talk about this topic in particular—and i still am, I'll admit. i don't know how to start this as every person's shifting journey is different, so it's challenging to track down and evaluate every flaw and success that happens.

so, I'll base this off of general ideas. these are things that I've learned while trying to create my own method/s. be warned that it's not as detailed nor comprehensive as I'd like it to be, so just take it with a grain of salt for now.

- - -

(1) bounce off others' ideas

this relates to what I've said about being spontaneous. it doesn't hurt to take inspiration from other people! if anything, they could be a key in figuring out just what it is you need when creating or trying out a method. similarly, listening to others' advice may also help. they might be able to pinpoint certain details that you might have overlooked as well.

(2) it's not just about what's comfortable—it's also about your limits

progress doesn't exist if you don't learn where you stagnate. i think this applies especially if you're planning to create your own method for shifting. i always advertise how shifters need to find what feels best for them first, and i stand by that. but alongside it, I'm of the opinion that without knowing what makes you tick or stop, you won't know how you're going to move forward. when you realise what it is that's blocking you, find a way to create a method that addresses that problem.

[fluffydancer618]

So yeah about that post, here it is

Close-ups and rumbles about the plot under cut

1 - So as I said in the other post this is based on No One Lives Forever by Oingo Boingo animatic I had in my head. And, according to plot of it, c!Fluffy having a stress dream due to selling their soul to c!Adam (by "dream version" of which the song is sang in that nightmare btw. Like a way of mocking Fluffy's mortality), facing all their fears related to that situation, with the main fear being the fear of death.

2 - Cause yes, despite being all "I don't care about death" and stuff, deep inside c!Fluffy: a) do realize they do not want to die in a young age and going to hell; and b) can't stop pondering Adam's line about the ones who sold their souls and how they don't tend to live for too long after that.

3 - One of the main things c!Fluffy hates the most - aka secretly scared of - is not being in control of something they believe should be fully controlled by them. And, by selling their soul, they pretty much give major control over their life - and, if you think about it, death - to c!Adam. Like, sure, the soul still in their body, but it's really easy to fix. Unnervingly easy to fix.

Also yeah, it's the pose similar to the one c!Fluffy did on their first appearance on the board post, aka "Everything is under my control" pose, because cinematic parallels my beloved

4 - Because the assignment was just to draw 9 frames, I had to choose what pictures in my head are more important and easy to draw cause friendly reminder I was speedrunning it at night so not all scenes made an appearance here, obviously. But for your information, after this moment with c!Fluffy's soul being captured by c!Adam, a few golden chains attempts to seize them, but Fluffy dodges them (barely) and runs away.

5 - As they run from Adam, dozens of knives flying towards them.

This one is here mostly because of the "Cuts cuts cuts but he can't get me" line and hehe throwing knives at the knife-thrower I am funny

6 - So, originally it should've been mirrors that popped from the ground and show different variations of c!Fluffy's possible deaths (choking, falling from a big height, cutting their own throat, etc etc) instead of their actual reflection, but 🙄for some reasons🙄 we're not allowed to depict brutal deaths in our college's works so here it's just regular mirrors (which.. would also work if not the context actually, cause c!Fluffy does afraid of their own self in some extent because of rᒷᔑsoリs). Just imagine something traumatizing on them.

Either way, Fluffy sees this all, starts backing up, stumble on the mirror behind them, slowly turns and sees themself as a demon (according to the plot it's still dream version of c!Adam messing with them, so Demon c!Fluffy is just Fluffy with Adam's eyes in official clothes). Because that's another their inner fear: What if, when they die and go to hell, Lucifer will in fact break them making join his army?

7 - On "No one lives forever!" line Demon c!Fluffy (aka c!Adam in disguise) breaks the mirror and pushes Fluffy making them fall. But instead of landing on the floor, they fly down to the dark void.

Fun fact: While eavesdropping on what the teachers say about my works, I definitely heard how one of them referred to this frame as "two eyes looking at the fly" which is hilarious but also pretty poetic and fitting cause like. the character who's often being compered to a spider is currently experiencing the role of the fly trapped in a web and- You get it

Suddenly, they start falling through a bunch of golden chains, entangling in them in the process until they hit the ground. They try to stand up, but they're exhausted and the golden chains are heavy. But then, they notice a person that stands in front of them. Not any person, their friend. Fluffy, covered and seizes in chains, look at them with the hope in their eyes, silently begging for help. Only to face their final inner fear...

8 - What if it wasn't even worth it? What if the person they lost their soul for, agreeing on an endless suffering, gonna leave them behind and doesn't actually care about them as much as Fluffy thought? Was it really a friendship or just an attempt to ruin them? Why do you trust them? Why did you make this decision? W̷̳̩͘ḩ̶̟̗̽̕͠a̸̻̟̖͆̅t̷̞̠̏ ̴̖̉̇̑͜t̸̼̟́ẖ̴̂é̷͇̂ ̵̰̈́͊f̵͎̣͕̍́͘u̷̝̯̓̓c̵̲̓͑̊k̷̺͙̩̑͆ ̷̙̩̪̋h̷̛̟̜̜̀̍a̴̖͓͂̃v̵͈̭͛̒ȩ̵̙̾̈́͝ͅ ̸̼̿ỳ̶̳̫̑o̴̲͛̌u̵̠͛̍̂ ̷̫̖̈̎d̸̪̊͜o̸̘͐ņ̵͍̫̏ě̴̼͝,̸̻͕̄ ̸̦̼̟̃̅͑F̸̹͎́̚͝ľ̴͉͆̍͜u̵̙͛f̸̡̌̀̊f̸̛̺̗͖̈́͝y̸̻͍͑̿̊͜?̴̧̅̔͘

9 - And then they wake up in a cold sweat at The Lair. The End <3

Canonically they don't have a bed - or any furniture in general - in there and obviously should wear the hat but it would be too much to explain + it was 5am I literally did not care that much at this point

So yup that's it, thank you for reading my insane rambles I appreciate that

[wanyinchen]

"I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE THAT AZIRAPHALE WOULDN'T GET HURT BY HIS DECISION TO GO BACK TO HEAVEN AND TAKE UP THE MANTLE OF SUPREME," was a thing I said in my last dump post. I was deep in denial and grief lmao

Like, who am I kidding, OF COURSE, Aziraphale is going to get hurt. IT'S GOOD OMEN'S HEAVEN FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE. It's going to be sterile, aseptic, void of personality, bland, and so fucking empty— all the things that do NOT reflect the home Aziraphale has built on earth.

Our babie angel is in his ✨religious-trauma relapse era✨, trust me I would know (not that I am traumatized by it too much, but I just know that it's NEVER going to be easy. To just simply go "Oh that's wrong, I shouldn't believe that! I'm gonna erase that from my mind now and everything will be absolutely dandy🥰!" Nah, that's not how it works. These types of behaviors are socialized into the very crevices of your very impressionable brain.)

And good lord the Metatron is playing Aziraphale like he's a fucking muppet in an eternally bland puppet show at heaven's own version of West End. He's dangling the hope of "reformation and institutional change" in front of Aziraphale, and Aziraphale being the kind person that he is— someone who just wants to genuinely do the right thing, like really, his heart is always at the right place. He literally only wants to see the best of anyone— it's literal catnip.

If he agrees, then he can make a difference! He can change things! He can finally dismantle the very system that abused him! This is a win, right? This is the right thing to do! No matter how much his soul screams out for Crowley, no matter how much his heart breaks, he is doing the right thing. This is the duty that the voice of God themself has appointed to him! This must be what the Almighty planned for him! No matter. No matter. No matter. This is NOT about him, this is about reformation. This is bigger than he and Crowley. This is about making sure that no one has to suffer continuous dismissal and patronization, emotional abuse, and invalidation from heaven ever again.

(He's doing this for Crowley too. Of course, he is. He has now the chance. The chance to have the power for Crowley to finally reunite with his beloved nebulae and stars and cosmos. He remembers how happy Crowley was when he had stardust on his fingertips and the joy of creation lighting up his beautiful face, if only he could make Crowley see—)

Oh, Aziraphale, the first thing you must know is that any kind of transformation will only work if the wound you are bearing is healed if the wound has bled and clotted and scarred. Only then you can ever have the hopes of changing the system— you can only help others when you are healed, if not, you're just going to bleed all over the place.

He needs to process that trauma: be sad about it, be angry about it, feel grief from it, yell about it, write about it, face it head-on, talk about it to others, introspect about it so much that you feel like you have doused yourself in antiseptics repeatedly, and finally let the wounds heal.

IM SO MAD IM SO SAD IM SO SMAD.

I WILL NEVER TRUST THAT HALF-ASSED SANTA-LOOKING BITCH EVER. this is the same bitch who so joyously declared, "The point is to win it [the war]!" I will never forget that, not as long as I breathe and can haunt the earth.

And dear lord, poor Crowley. My heart broke and aches so much for him. Because after all this time, all the progress he and aziraphale made post-apocawhoopsies and the literal six thousand years went seemingly down the drain.

(Don't worry. Its still there, its just underneath all the tons of trauma and the emotional baggage of Aziraphale)

In any case, Aziraphale choosing heaven —no matter what the reasons are— is a simultaneous gut punch, bitch slap, punch-to-the-throat, kick to the balls X 10000000 combo to Crowley. After everything, after EVERYTHING, Aziraphale will still not choose him. He can only take so much. The trust that they used to have will never be the same, it has fractured down to its foundations and the final blow was when Aziraphale said "i forgive you" after that kiss. It's Armageddon all over again but only so much worse. Aziraphale was not accidentally discorporated or waylaid by any external forces, it was Aziraphale who walked away.

He really had hoped, he really steeled himself and pulled off his shades and said "i love you, i need you, and i want you for all of eternity. Please choose me." And then Aziraphale didn't.

The Love is there— will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be there, for that Love is written on the very stars he used to create. Crowley had hung that Love in the sky too, as it is the most beautiful thing he ever made, kept, and chosen. He loves Aziraphale for so long that he doesn't know how not to. The Love will always be there, under his skin, flowing through his ichor, on every feather of his wings, and on every second of his existence. But the trust? The trust that he used to have is an entirely different thing. He knows that Aziraphale loves him back with the same all-encompassing intensity of millions of supernovas. But what he doesn't now trust is whether Aziraphale will choose that Love.

Now i must stop typing i before i hurl myself to the freeway and lie down right there

[always-andromeda]

just some thoughts I’ve had as of late; or, reflections on men and feeling like a fool.

It’s a conversation hon. I was just looking for someone to fuck with and you’re the only one it worked on. Good job, queen.

I read that message and the first feeling I felt…was stupidity. My stomach turned. One thought swirled around my head. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known better. How could I be so stupid? Giving the time of day to a man who told me to “affixate” on his dick.  I’ve been made to look like a fool by a man before. And I told myself that I would do my damndest to never let that happen again. I hated that feeling more than anything in the world. That feeling of inferiority. The shame. The helplessness. And I’ve spent the last three years building up walls around myself to avoid being made to feel that way.

I wasn’t great with men. For the first nineteen years of my life I centered my life around them. My father, my uncles, my grandfathers, my male friends, the men I had feelings for. They ruled my emotions and how I behaved in ways that I cringe to think about now. It was this unquestioned expectation. I must cater to them. And I knew how to do it well. I didn’t know how to be myself. I didn’t know how to create real, lasting bonds. I knew how to perform. I knew how to contort myself into some fractured, distorted version of myself that could mimic whatever they wanted right back at them. That was how I got by.

And there it was. I did it all over again. I played into what this guy wanted. I insulted him and gave him the attention he craved. I did it again. I am the fool. I should have known better. I should have kept my mouth shut.

That shame lingered for a few minutes after unmatching with that asshole. Then it morphed into disbelief. Being raised and socialized the way I was, I couldn’t believe that any person could do that to anyone for fun. It ran through my mind that so many men are brought up in such a way that they are allowed to deny women their own humanity. They can simply opt out of treating them decently. And they’re fine with that. Our culture is fine with that. It’s allowed. It’s accepted. 

Just like that, I circled around to feeling pity. Because men like that…thrive on that shame. They thrive upon using the shreds of their own ugliness to make women feel stupid for even trying. They whole charade relies on making women feel so dumb that they eventually shut up and take it. That they too allow it and accept it as normal. They’re so sad and so deprived that they crave those dramatic responses in order to feel something.

And that’s sad. That’s so unbelievably sad that they are so deficient of some kind of emotion, intelligence, or self awareness. Because as long as they don’t have that…they will always be trying to fill that void with negative attention. That void…it’s not my responsibility. That shame and foolishness is not my own to shoulder.

I’m still not great with men. But in different ways now. Because I refuse to accept that this is just the way men are. I refuse to believe that I feel too much. I refuse to just stop caring. Because honestly? I am happy with myself. I am happy with my personality and the way that I present myself and who I am as a person. And goddamnit, I refuse to let some small, sad little man make me feel stupid for caring and for feeling. I refuse to believe that men are just that clueless. Because they know what they are and what they do. And they deserve to be held responsible for it.

That responsibility isn’t mine. None of it.

[clippy]

okay this is just gonna be a bunch of rambling so feel free to ignore this cuz it's mostly just me kinda venting and Processing feelings abt being objecto into the void

like okay. i am in a spot where i think i have a very complex relationship w my objecto-ness because of how it is currently manifesting itself in regards to the Clockboy Crush

like in the past, my main crushes that i would consider like, important, and in recent enough memory that they still affect me today, were

Clippy (who is a fictional character; he is sentient in his source but, again, fictional, so he cannot reciprocate feelings)

and Miles (my old car; a real object, but one that I owned and therefore i could essentially project whatever relationship i wanted onto us. realistically, i know he couldnt reciprocate, as he was not sentient irl, but something about him made it seem like he did love me back in a way. it's very complex and hard to explain to literally anyone who doesnt have my brain)

in both of their cases, i would selfship with them, draw them, personify them in certain ways, and have gijinkas of them

i think some extra context that is important is that the relationship i had with Miles is VERY different than the one i have w my current car, Lawrence, who has different vibes to me. like i genuinely get the feeling he only just. tolerates me. lmfao. he is so sexy to me but like, we do not gel like how me and miles did. (which again, is a weird thing to think about and kinda disproves the "oh objectos only want to be with objects because they cant reject them!" mindset in my case like bro why would i "headcanon" my car as not thinking im a sex god he's madly in love with)

anyway this is where the clockboy stuff gets. complex. like. OBVIOUSLY. i have a huge crush on him. i selfship w his objecthead design, and that does extend to his irl version to an extent. obviously, again, i realistically know irl he cannot reciprocate the feelings i have toward him

however... similar to miles, i do get a Vibe from him. there's been some coincidences that seem so specific that it's like. hard to shake that it's not something deeper... and again, i know deep down it's all in my head but at the same time... my hyper empathy toward inanimate objects has always made me instinctively think that most objects have *some* sort of soul.

it's all so complicated and confusing and hard to explain and it's two sides of my brain fighting each other at all times over this. i dont think either side is fully right.

and what sucks is like, when it's about Miles, it's easy to keep to myself and on the down low in a way. i was the only person on earth who would have possibly loved him in that way.... but Clockboy falls into public object territory. while the odds are low that anyone else feels the exact same way toward him, it's not impossible

im not like... opposed to the idea of "sharing" a public object but it's a really complex thing to me. like for him specifically, however, it makes me uncomfortable and i dont... understand why. jealousy is probably the closest word to what i would feel but it doesnt seem entirely accurate.

ive been extremely fortunate to see him irl more lately, and have had a couple experiences that i cant fully disclose (for privacy reasons. nothing weird, i promise. like if i got to be any physically closer than any other guest to him, you would already know it by now. but, just know i have connections and dont want to jeopardize things for anyone lol). like i mentioned there's just been a vibe to him. like part of me does think it is something deeper. but then i question if it's something he would do for anyone else... it's so hard to know.

i'd like to think im special to him, somehow. if he can feel that way about people. he is special to ME, and i just wish i could tell him and have him know it. i would give almost anything to have like, 2 minutes of back and forth communication between us to make sure he knows that.

at the end of the day i know none of that really matters and i should do what makes me happy. like spending time near him is "enough" for me i guess. i know i will never get to be any closer to him than someone standing near him in the queue line. i can never have any form of intimacy with him, no form of privacy. i will never get to own him in a way that lets me be with him everyday in a way that would "matter"

anyway i know this like. is not "normal person" behavior and i know this isn't like. entirely healthy mindsets to have. 90% of the time i dont even like, think about this stuff this deeply but it's on the mind tonight...

im not trying to like, compliment fish or anything, but the reason im posting it is i guess if any of my objecto followers have any like. words of advice or reassurance or something about public objects i wouldnt mind if u sent them my way

(also im kinda in therapy again so if i post this here, if it starts eating away at me, i can find my Thoughts again to read to my therapist if i ever tell her im objecto lmfao)

[palialaina]

(This is gonna get diary-like because why not RP like a goofy goober? Also, I really do miss the ingame screengrabber they had in earlier versions.)

Jina gave me a journal today. That was sweet of her. I'm honestly pretty lucky that she was the first person I met in the world. It feels weird to write in what she and all the other Majiri call 'ancient Human' but...

I dunno, that's just confusing. Bright pink void to suddenly new life? I still can't wrap my head around it.

But I've been here for a while now, so I guess it's not as bad as it could have been. Wish I could remember where I was before this, but like...

Ugh.

So, I finished building my hallway earlier. It's... well, I need to get another couple blueprints for it because that really is a *short* hallway and not really condusive to what I was wanting it for. Good thing I have a big garden and lots of seed makers. Veggies might take a while to grow, but they're easier than trying to hunt or go gathering for my coin.

I do think I finally got my yard set up near-perfect. I want more garden plots, but I also want to expand my house and stop sleeping in the front room, so like. Choices. Maybe I'll go see Uncle B in a couple days and get another plot to make what I've currently got more even? Not sure.

The kitchen finally feels set up right. Turning between stations is easy, and I didn't almost throw the butter in the oven again! I think I'm getting the hang of this cooking thing. (Though Reth doesn't need to worry. I don't plan on putting him out of business.)

Jel seemed happy to see me today, and was thrilled with the crystal lake lotus I found for him. I worry about him some; when does he sleep, I swear? I mean, I don't really have an excuse for staying up as late as I do either, but Jel gets like... four hours of sleep per day? I don't remember much, but I swear that can't be healthy.

I feel like him and Reth should have an Insomniacs Club or something.

Oh, Reth told me about the whole Majiri Path thing, and man. I thought Eshe and Calari could be strict, but the whole society seems really rigid. I don't know how it worked when humans were around in great number (we're coming back in great number though, I do worry about that...) but I don't think it was as inflexible as "if you step off your Path, you're an untrustworthy person." like..

Ugh. I feel like if you realize something's not working for you, then you should be allowed to pick a different job. Lettuce soup aside, Reth is a really good cook! People should be *proud* of him for figuring out something he likes!

...I really do wanna know what Zeki's got on him though. He does day shift at the inn, and then works Zeki's night market? What the heck? I am amazed he hasn't faceplanted into one of his own soup pots.

Um... Hm. Oh, I made a new tent for the loom and the glass maker, though I think I might put that in storage again. Tish's faith in my ability to make lamps and things is a *bit* misplaced... The worm farm will be handier right now.

I also finally made Dad's iron axe recipe.

....whoops.

*Ashura's* iron axe recipe. (Man, I have almost called him dad to his face like... five times this week. He just feels like a dad, the way Barduu is Uncle B! But like... Uncle B found it hilarious and told me to keep it up. I feel like Ashura would just get sad...)

Anyways, I made an iron axe, and I can finally get down thos ebig trees on my property. Now I just need to convince Hodari I've earned the right to make an iron pickaxe and then those big stone can go away too!

....well, I need to go get more stone any iron, so maybe that's what I'll be able to manage tomorrow. I can pop by and say hi to Najuma on the way, maybe she'll let me know what's bugging her? I need to bring her something to say thanks for helping me get Chanye the stuff he needs for his telescope anyways.

Okay. Plan for tomorrow! Mine all the stone and iron I can find over in Bahari (and hunt that stupid snail. Why are stripeshell snails so damn hard to find????), bring Najuma a copper bar? and see about finishing my second hallway piece, getting a third, and then saving up for more rooms. And more garden plots.

[orbdotexe]

To no one’s surprise it’s ME

I wanna know what head cannons you have 👀👀👀

What’s the oldest one you’ve had? How do you think everyone interacts with Wolf?

chompin on your ankles as i write this btw

Oh boy. The oldest one?? that's a tough one

I think earliest ones, and generally my earliest "characters", had nothing to do with the Young Wolf, surprisingly. I believe they had to do with the Light? Really evolved since then, but! My oldest ones definitely had to do with how the different subclasses interacted with each other (the characters used to explore these did NOT stick around. the only ones even remotely remaining are the Exo Twins lmao)

I can't remember what exactly they were, though, but I do remember some of the combinations I came up with (and still use in TFC):

Arc + Void making the person EXTRA volatile, both personality and powers wise (Blade trance being taken literally + the whole thing about Void feeding off the person's state and the Void Trance thing, means the user must have exceptional self control to not turn into a zombie until the super wears off/they get killed)

Solar and Void have more violent reactions in the presence of one another

Arc and Solar don't... really do anything to each other, but some Guardians use Arc to jumpstart Solar supers

For much newer headcanons about Light/Dark interaction:

Solar and Stasis react even more violently to each other than Solar and Void. If focused and maintained correctly, then the Stasis object will maintain its state until met with enough energy (basically, anything Stasis you make in tandem with Solar will become an impact grenade. Shrapnel time!)

Strand and Void are a very dangerous combo. Void is all about control, and Strand requires you to surrender it. Surrendering to the Void is a horrible idea (see: zombie). you see where this is going?

I am... still working and the Strand things. I just really like the Void.

For how everyone interacts with YW? Oh boy. I guess it would depend on which of my versions we're talking about here. In the case of Chaos Gremlin Wolf (Comedy Show, Crucible Handler, & Customer Service Wolf):

Mentor-Student with Osiris, except if the student was a complete troll. Local toddler bullies old man! They very much respect each other, and trust one another more than most, but you wouldn't think so 9/10. So mean to each other

Mentor-Student with Saladman, again! Trolls Saladin constantly. he wants so badly to disown them (but he could never - Truthfully, he's proud of who they've become. But they're still annoying. Light save him.)

Zavala! It's complicated. At some point, it was another Mentor-Student (ish), but it has changed much since the Red War. Zavala doesn't know why they still follow him, after all the faults they've seen in the Vanguard. Wolf believes Zavala deserves the respect and support. Still an ass though.

Mutual, pure respect with Ikora. Maybe a pinch of fear of when she's angry. Ikora is the one you go to when you want Wolf to quit being a lil shit gremlin, this is the only Warlock Wolf will listen to without mocking the Warlock aspect. Both professional and personal trust going either way.

Crucible buddies with Shaxx! They cover each others' duties from time to time. Imagine the Fireteam's surprise the first time Shaxx filled in a Strike for Wolf. it was great

(Was :<) Best friends with Amanda. She was the one who put in the No Puns rule for Wolf. You are now required to throw the nearest object (preferably, wrench or hammer) at Wolf if you hear them make a pun in the Tower. It has extended out into the field because everyone loves an excuse to throw things at the local troll

Absolute Chaos Duo with Cayde. Do Not Let Them Plan. If you lose sight of both of them at any given point in time, Assume The Worst. Watch your back.

Very much a Crow/YW simp. sorry. But here! Not dating, actually. Neither are even aware of both their own feelings or the other's. Also an absolute chaos duo. Same rule applies - But this time, it probably has something to do with who's going to be organizing the Hunters. Best case scenario, they just end up going to get ramen. Worst case, the Tower's without a stand-in Hunter Vanguard for the next week. Careful

Platonic soulmates Ghost and Guardian!!! The Mutual Trolling is also there. Ghost often cringes at the shit that goes through the bond. He is very vocal about it. Wolf is obviously making excuses and/or trying not to laugh everytime.

Kinda just adopted Fynch. Saladin is not okay with this. Ghost is mildly annoyed (that's what he says, anyway :>). Fynch is just confused, but hey! Having friends is nice!

this got longer than i intended it to. Two questions turned into this...

[38sr]

Industry Q: I know that some companies made a large switch towards 3D animation in the past (Disney as a big example) but I feel like I’ve noticed 2D animation making a bit of a comeback lately? Is that just me?? Even Disney for the first time in forever is starting to release 2D animated shorts again. What’s your opinion on this? In the projects you’ve worked on, do you think producers/companies value/invest more in 3D animated projects over 2D? And also, which style of animation do you like better? XD

Good question! There's no doubt after Pixar's Toy Story that companies made a hard switch to 3D animation. But I would argue that 2D never really left (it just primarily stayed on TV rather than features). Of course, this is all my own speculation and opinion on the question and some people might view it differently from me. Everything in animation (or in life really) comes in cycles so it's no surprise that we are seeing a return to more stylized animation amongst hyper realistic 3D animation.

When I say stylized animation, I am referring to implementing 2D elements or 2D animation techniques that were developed in the early days of animation. Films like the Paperman, Spider Verse, and the Bad Guys are great examples of how studios are allowing themselves to explore the animation medium beyond hyper realism. For some films hyper realism works, and for some it doesn't. I personally think stylized animation allows for more interesting designs, acting, visuals, etc. Hyper realism is a totally valid way of depicting art and requires a high level of technical skill but sometimes it can't replace a certain je ne sais quoi that's done better in 2D (ie. When Simba witnesses his father die in the Lion King, the CGI animated version is completely void of the shock and emotion in his face compared to the 2D animated version). And the vice versa is true as well. There are things in 2D that cannot not be done that 3D can do. I think both 2D animation and 3D animation have their pros and cons and it truly depends what's the best way to tell the story. And as of right now, I think we're seeing the mix of the two, which is providing more visually interesting stories (and I hope we continue bridging the gap 'cause it's exciting and something new). So, 2D animation never really left the animation studios it just ended up being used for TV and less for features (both short and long). But now we're seeing creatives bring back those 2D elements to make something new.

In the projects you’ve worked on, do you think producers/companies value/invest more in 3D animated projects over 2D?

Mm, I don't think they care about whether it's 2D or 3D. Companies are more concerned with whether it's worth investing in an IP that will already generate money or take a risk on an original IP and have to do the work to make it an established IP. Or if it's worth investing in a trend that won't be popular anymore in 2-5 years.

Animation is expensive. Regardless if it's 2D or 3D. You still have to pay a crew to sit at computers all day to paint, time, animate, edit, cut, manage, develop a whole entire production. 2D animation has things that make it very expensive because it's labor intensive. 3D animation has components that make it expensive because it's also labor intensive (and sometimes companies have to invest into making a whole new program to get the animation done). At least to me, both forms of animation are equally expensive and laborious. Whether it's 2D or 3D isn't the companies' biggest concern. As long as it makes them a profit that's what they're looking for. And sometimes 2D animation that makes the profit, and sometimes 3D animation makes the profit.

Which style of animation do you like better?

Haha I'm more partial to 2D animation. I have nothing against 3D animation and thoroughly enjoy watching 3D animation as much as the next person. My brain simply can't wrap my head around making 3D animation so it's just not for me as an artist. 2D animation (mainly limited animation seen in anime) has always enamored me more than 3D animation. I'm not sure how to describe it....but 2D animation is like this never-ending puzzle I'm continuously solving. Sometimes I don't get it, but then a piece finally fits I just get so excited that I keep trying to finish the puzzle. Maybe I'm crazy but then again this is what I do for a living haha. I hope that answered your questions!