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hayjeon · 6 years

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Snow and Ice 01 [m] (ft. Jungkook)

→ friendswithbenefits!au with Snowboarder!JK and figure skater!reader during the Olympicssss!

→ 11.1k | part 2 (coming soon!)

A/n: I know that winter olympics is exclusive to winter sports and vice versa with summer, but let’s ignore that for the sake of the fic ;) (ie. mentions of gymnasts)

also this was meant to be a oneshot, but after getting somewhere around 18k...i decided to split into 2 parts! sorry, but hope you guys enjoy what I already have! :D not heavily edited sry but enjoyoyyyyoyyoy

“How fucking hard is it for the boys to seriously not sound like a bunch of monkeys at 3am in the damn morning?!” You grouch, stomping out of the restroom to Irene.

She’s already dressed in her gym outfit, and tying her shoes. “God, I know,” she rolls her eyes. “I think they’ve made a bet or something to see who can make it the longest after bottomless drinking.” Stretching, she groans, “They were up even up til 5am I think, after you fell asleep.”

You roll your eyes, slipping off your robe and pulling on a tight spandex pair of leggings and sports bra. You grab your water bottle and join your teammate as you walk down the hall of the rooming area and into the gym. “It would be nice for once to try and get a normal week of life before the games start. By the way, are we doing cardio today?”

Irene nods, tying her hair up high. “Start off with 60 minutes running and then help me stretch? We’ll go practice on the rink later after lunch.”

You nod and throw the towel on the handle as you step up onto a machine. It’s 6am, but already, dozens of other athletes are busy at work, pressing the weight machines and cardio machines to life. You can see that the gymnastics girls are taking up most of the easy weights, and the hockey players fiddling with the heavier weights. Seokjin, one of the guys from your university’s snowboarding team, walks up to you with a smile, starting up the running machine next to yours, and matching your brisk walk.

“Good morning,” he grins, “How are you feeling?”

You roll your eyes, cracking your neck. “God, Jin, I wanted to kill the guys on the fourth floor. Literally, they’re the loudest herd of chimpanzees when they’re drunk.”

Seokjin laughs, upping his speed. “They made a bet to see who could drink the longest from the keg. It was interesting to watch but my coach would’ve killed me if she were here and saw me sleeping anytime past 1am. And even though our coaches can’t be here in the lodgings,” he shudders, taking a swig from his bottle, “I’d rather not find out what she’ll do to me if she ever knew the truth.”

You laugh, increasing your speed and matching his long strides with quick ones of your own. “Good thinking, you’re smart.”

He grins at you and the both of you ease into your daily routines.

Everyday is like this, even when you’re not in the Olympic village. This is your second Olympics, and your second time representing your country for women’s figure skating. Being said, getting here meant that every day was a routine, just like today’s, monkey boys living a floor above you or not.

Wake up at 5am, and cardio for an hour, stretch for 30, practice jumps on mats for 30, and then actually skating for another 2 hours, before returning to stretch out the sore muscles, and then finally getting to eat your first meal, which was probably a salad, chicken breast, and maybe a fruit smoothie if your morning cardio was more productive than usual. Then it was a bit of rest and loosening the muscles with a warm bath, and then back with weight training and more skating until it was night, and the lactic acid buildup was making your muscles all shaky and unsteady. Rinse, repeat.

It’s easy to throw popcorn at your tv screen and sneer, “Idiots,” when a representative of the country makes a mistake during the games. Somehow, everyone sitting at home in front of their televisions, munching on their bottomless fried chicken and coke became masters at whatever sport they were watching this time of year. But becoming an olympian meant that this was your life: training, practicing, and winning.

You amp up the speed on the machine into a full sprint as you think of the way you only got a silver medal the last time you competed. The bratty Jennie Kim had won the gold, and managed to shove it in your face every single time you two saw each other. She was here too, you could practically smell the hatred and the evil emanating off her skin whenever you were in a 50 mile radius of her.

You sigh as your music lets you drift off into a place, a place where you don’t have to think about how sweaty and tired you are already. The music that you chose this year for your routine was classy, and so was the show that you prepared.

It took months of training, and was also the reason you had to go so hard on cardio this year: there were four triple-axels, triple toe-loops you had to master during the routine, and that didn’t even include the two triple salchows towards the end of the routine. None other than Kim Yuna had attempted and succeeded at doing a routine like that completely without failing.

All while looking like a complete goddess.

Beethoven’s 9th symphony was a fairy-like, dainty work of art, with swells of the orchestra booming in the background to create an ominous feeling to it. To master this routine, you’d had to also go through hours of acting classes, to get “in touch with your deepest emotions,” like your coach Minho had convinced you.

Your mother had gotten her hands on the most gorgeous outfit, a turquoise, shimmering deep blue-green that make your skin glitter and shine and complimented your eyes and matched incredibly well with the silver accents and accessories embroidered onto the dress.

You don’t really remember how you got here. It just started as an innocent day at the rink, where you’d convinced your mother to let you do something more interesting than learning the piano or the violin, and she’d let you choose between gymnastics and figure skating. You were mesmerized by the pretty outfits as a little girl, so she’d taken you for lessons.

And then the lessons slowly became rehearsals for the junior figure skating team, and then your coach labeled you as team captain, and then you were being sent off to do shows all around the country. You were then competing and winning gold medals as fast as ever, and at the ripe young age of 17, you were crowned as the next Female Figure Skating Olympian to join your country’s team, to train and compete in the next winter olympics.

That was how you were thrust into this world of competing and working yourself to the bone at age 18. It just...sort of happened, and at one point in your little 18 year old life you did have a moment to turn around and survey how the hell you got here in the first place. But, it was too late, and you were way too invested, switching out hours of studying or playing video games or with dolls for training on the ice in your childhood to back out now.

Your workout comes to an end and you’re already sweating bullets and chugging down buckets of water by the end. Irene finishes a couple of seconds before you do and waits for you as you cool down and step off. You both take a couple more minutes to towel off and cool before you step into the mirror room, and begin to stretch. You place your ankle on top of the poles for steadiness and begin stretching your upper body, cooling down in the air conditioned room.

“Well if it isn’t y/n?” A voice sounds in the entrance of the stretching room and all the heads in the room turn to see who it is.

You don’t even have to look to know who it is.

He cockily wipes his face with a towel and throws it over his shoulder, spraying a steady stream of water from his bottle into his mouth as he saunters over to where you’re stretching. You roll your eyes and ignore him, switching sides and propping your other leg up 90 degrees as you curve your torso towards it with your hand stretched towards your toes.

He walks up to you and in the mirror, you can see the other girls in the room whispering and giggling at the presence of the handsome Olympian.

Jeon Jungkook. Age 22. Also his second time competing in the Olympics. Gold medalist if we’re talking about olympics, but all time World Champion in the Men’s Snowboarding medium and Guiness World Record holder for highest score last year, beating out previous record holders and his own best scores with the recent win. Endorses like a thousand snowboarding and athletic brands like Northface and Tim Burton. Also the owner of his own resort on the side. He was a celebrity within the Olympians, and also voted one of the hottest Olympians ever.

“Looking good,” he rakes his eyes up and down your body, grinning sleazily. “How long has it been, 3 years? 4 years?”

You huff as you take down your leg from the pole. “If you could ever for once figure out how to do math, you’d know that it’s been 4 years since the last olympics, Jeon Jungkook.”

He smirks when you finally respond to him, walking over to lean against the pole as you sit down and begin stretching your hamstrings. “Congrats on your win during the World Championships, I watched and cheered for you during it.”

You roll your eyes. “Are you here to make fun of my silver medal too? I have enough knowing grins from Jennie Kim to last me a lifetime.” You switch legs, leaning forward and pressing your knees against your chest.

He laughs, “Hell no, I would never dare to make fun of the ice queen.”

Straightening up, you narrow your eyes at him. He’s been calling you that since you can remember. “Get lost, Jungkook. Go do your weights or whatever.” You resume stretching, extending one leg far behind you as you sit comfortable in a split.

He stands, watching you from above. “Suit yourself. Know I’ll be back though.”

He walks cockily back, lifting the edge of his shirt to wipe at the sweat on his brow, which is completely stupid because he has a towel. It’s so obvious he does it to get a ruse out of the other gymnasts and skaters stretching in the room, which it does.

Irene inches up to you and joins you in your stretches.

“Don’t ask,” you groan and switch sides.

She shrugs, laughing at you in the mirror. “Wasn’t gonna. That exchange spoke for itself. He definitely has the hots for you.”

You roll your eyes and groan as you get up, and Irene joins you to help you stand and lift your leg up as high as she can reach, way up over your head. “Uh,” you cringe at the stiffness of your thigh muscles, “He does that to everyone. Seriously. I’ve seen him even give some of the referees sleazy looks. It’s just in his blood.”

She whistles as you switch legs. “Well whatever his blood’s doing, I bet it’s working real hard.”

“Ew!” You exclaim and laugh, letting her switch sides with you as you help her with her standing splits. “Never!”

She laughs, finishing her other side. “Alright grumpy, let’s go get you some breakfast before you rip my head off and get even more hangry.”

_____________________________________________________________________

You both get washed up and changed before heading over to the Dining Hall. It’s basically another stadium, with the lower levels transformed into a buffet style area and tables and chairs all looped together like high school all over again.

Hoseok, one of the male figure skaters, joins your table and Seokjin appears a couple minutes after, his plate piled high with all the food he could find at the buffet.

Hoseok cringes at the sight, “Jeez, dude, how many calories even is that thing?”

You and Irene peer over to see a buttload of eggs, rice, noodles, meats, and salad piled onto his tray. The both of you sigh at the sight, watching dreamily as Seokjin shoves the food endlessly into his mouth. It was your own personal mukbang broadcast.

“Uhhh two-touszhndf-mpmph” Seokjin mutters, and Hoseok glares again, cringing at the food that flies out of Seokjin’s mouth.

“Two thousand?” You balk, resting your chin in your hand as you push a cherry tomato around on your plate with your fork. “Did you increase it since last time?”

Seokjin nods, washing his huge mouthful down with a swig of orange juice. “I don’t know what it is about this weather, but I’m starving.”

Irene sighs, setting down her cup. “God, I just wanna eat a big heaping bowl of french fries and a oozy, greasy cheeseburger right about now.” Hoseok nods in forlorn agreement and you nod too, pouting at the sad dressing-less salad in front of you.

Seokjin talks again, food flying, “They have some! Over there! Can’t you sneak one? Our coaches aren’t even here.”

Irene doesn’t even bother looking. She shakes her head. “No, it’ll affect our jumps. Really. Even the slightest bit of change in our weight will throw our center of gravity off. Plus, have you seen our outfits? They’re tight as fuck.”

You nod, sighing as you swallow the last piece of cabbage. “Mine’s so tight I have to wear a stick-on bra instead of having it padded, like normal.”

Hoseok cringes, “Hell ya, mine’s so tight I have to clench my ass cheeks everytime I do a sitting spin, or else the spandex gets too tight and gives me the absolute worst wedgie.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Guys, shut up. You know who has the worst, tightest outfits? The swim team.”

The three of you stop talking, and burst in laughter as Seokjin rolls his eyes. You imagine the swim team in their tiny little speedos, junk squeezed tight and asses practically fighting to get out. You snort, “HAHA, don’t those guys ever like accidentally moon someone or like slip out of those things? I feel like they’re so small on their hips, it’ll fit around me.” You giggle, and Irene joins you, laughing at Seokjin’s disgusted expression.

He’s about to respond when a voice interrupts. “Talking about the swim team’s speedos?”

You all turn to see Park Jimin, captain of the Men’s Ice Hockey team turn up with a few of his teammates to your table. He sets his tray down next to yours, and laughs when Irene nods.

Seokjin resumes, “Okay they’re not that tight, like I won’t lose any sperm because of it. They’re just...snug.”

Irene cackles. “How do you even know?! You’re a snowboarder!”

He shrugs, chewing thoughtfully. “Sometimes when you’re boarding you need a little extra waterproof protection.”

The entire table explodes into laughter and disgust, and you join in, finally feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders.

“Man, this makes me remember how it was in camp all those years ago, doesn’t it?” Jimin adds, and you guys all reminisce to the high school days, where athletes would attend a “athlete-morale” camp over the summer every year, which was just a sorry excuse for job-less coaches to shove down inspiring speeches and “team-building” activities down your helpless throats.

A lot of you separate into your own conversations, launching into giggles and yells of memories you all shared together. That’s how you knew so many of the Olympians here. Even though you all had different schedules and different sports and areas of interest, somehow most of you had gathered at this camp every summer without fail. And every summer, the lot of you would suffer and bitch and complain together about how stupid and useless the lessons and activities were, and plot ways to escape your cabins at night to sneak away and do some drinking or exploring. Given, you drove your camp leaders crazy. They’d never seen a group of athletes like you guys, they said as they warily sent you home after a week of sleepless nights.

Jimin nudges you. “How have you been?”

You grin, turning to him, “Good, you?”

“Same as ever,” he grins, smiling the sweet smile where his eyes would crinkle.

“Actually you look a little different, you lost a lot of your baby fat.” You reach over and pinch his cheeks, and he frowns at you humorously as you laugh. “I remember we used to call you acorn because your face was so round.”

He groans, “Seriously, I never forgave Yoongi hyung for coming up with that name.”

You laugh, sipping your coffee. “I hear you and your team won silver in nationals, congratulations.”

He sighs, “Thanks, y/n, but you know in our world, only the gold is worth congratulating for.”

You nod, “I know how that feels.” Shrugging, he agrees with you, sending you a sad forlorn apologetic smile. He probably heard down the grapevine that you’d gotten silver.

“But at least this year, you’re gonna win gold right?”

You shrug, picking at your cup. “I don’t know...the routine is really hard and I’m still jet lagged and not feeling my best. I’m getting nervous, and that anxiety was exactly why I stumbled a bit during my routine last year and lost the gold to Jennie.”

“Ah Jennie,” he recalls, “Pretty, but sort of a bitch.” He shrugs, and Irene cuts in. “Sort of? Nope, she’s such a bitch.”

The two conversations between yours and Jimin’s and Irene’s with Hoseok and Seokjin merge as Irene rolls her eyes. “Oh my god, it was ridiculous. Jennie’s routine wasn’t half as great as y/n’s but there was a slight stumble, which wasn’t even a stumble, and Jennie won. Which is ridiculous because Jennie actually tripped and had to leave out a spin on one of her turns to make sure she didn’t actually fall.”

Hoseok tips his head. “Y/n, you stumbled?”

Before you can even answer, Irene does it for you. “It was literally just a slight stumble, at most she switched her blade and landed with a bit more spark than usual.”

You shrug, nodding at Irene to thank her for explaining it. You’d had to explain it way too many times now. “Whatever, it’s past now, and there’s not much I can do about it. We’re both here now, so it’s just important that I stay focused.”

Seokjin nods. “Don’t worry, y/n. You’ll win. I’m sure of it.”

Hoseok snorts, “How?”

Seokjin makes a funny face, “Didn’t ya’ll know that I’m a genius and got voted the #1 most handsome face of the Olympians? If anyone knows things like that, it’s me.” He says, and everyone chuckles at it. Same ol’ Seokjin.

“Speaking of which, here comes #1 most “daddy” Olympian.” Hoseok comments, glancing at the entrance of the dining hall. By instinct, you turn with Irene in your chair to see Jeon Jungkook sauntering in with the rest of his snowboarding team.

The guys are gorgeous, with languid body movements, but strong bulky builds underneath all their protective waterproof jackets. Their jaws were chiseled and their looked rugged in that hot way. Jaebum, the one on Jungkook’s left was Irene’s favorite for a while, and was handsome and charming enough to even appear on a couple of variety shows and drama cameos. The snowboarders were actual celebrities back home.

You roll your eyes and turn back as quickly as possible, but not before Jungkook’s gaze settles on yours with a smirk. “I don’t even understand how that vote was even cast.” You grumble, sipping your coffee. “Seriously, out of all the other athletes, Jungkook? Gross.”

Jimin laughs. “Well, who do you think would have been #1 then?”

You groan, cringing. “To be honest, you or Seokjin.”

All of you laugh as Seokjin pumps his fist, “Yes!” He cries out, food flying out of his mouth again, to Hoseok’s horror. “I knew it. Y/n think’s I’m hotter than Jeon Jungkook!”

“Shut up!” you hiss, laughing as you try to get him to sit down, but it’s too late. At the sound of his name, Jeon Jungkook is drawn to your table like a fly to a light and grins as he walks over. “Incoming,” Irene hisses as she smiles up fakely at Jungkook.

“I heard my name, are you guys talking about me?” He drawls, grinning as he perches a hand on the back of your chair. You ignore him and eat your yogurt.

Jimin laughs, lifting a hand to shake hands with Jungkook. “’Sup dude, it’s been a while. Lookin’ good.” He smiles and you watch in disgust as Jungkook laughs, tainting Jimin’s innocent and beautiful presence with an entire bucketful of gross cocky frat-boy confidence.

“I’ve been cutting a little bit, trying to not bulk too much these days,” Jungkook shrugs, flexing his arm a little to the delight of the gymnasts a few tables over. “I started getting a little less air once I started bulking up. But you’re lookin’ better bro, you guys training a lot?”

Jimin nods, clapping the teammate next to him on a shoulder lightheartedly. He grins his charming smile again, his eyes crinkling on the sides. “Yeah, our couch has been pushing us real hard these days, but it’s been working. We’re all at our best weights of the season, and feeling real good for the upcoming games.” He smiles at you, glancing sadly at your poor little salad. “Y/n, you must be having a hard time recently too, right? Coach has us on a strict diet, but yours is probably stricter, isn’t it?”

You sigh, pushing around your cold chicken breast around on the plate for both guys to see. “I eat less than a thousand calories per day, all divided into six tiny meals. Helps keep off the weight so that I can jump higher. I can’t remember the last time I had an all-you-can-eat korean barbeque dinner. Maybe it was when I was in elementary school? Legit over a decade ago.” You shake your head as you picture the cold piece of meat as a sizzling hunk of delicious pork.

It doesn’t help.

Jungkook laughs, inviting himself to take the empty seat next to yours, his arm draped over the back. “Well, I for one, think you have an amazing body.” He winks at you and you pretend to gag as everyone chuckles at the table.

“Gross!” you exclaim, pointing your fork menacingly at him. “Don’t you have some other girls to flirt with besides me? I’ve had enough fratboy for a day.”

He grins, hand splaying across your back, warm against your skin. “Trust me, y/n, you’ll never have enough of me.” He winks and bids everyone a dumb cocky drawled “Later guys,” and walks off with his boy band team.

Hoseok grins at you, “Was I high off my painkillers for a second or did Jeon Jungkook actually flirt with you and basically imply that he wanted to bang?”

You choke on a piece of lettuce as everyone around the table nods, Irene and Seokjin chiming in with a simultaneous, “Totally.” Before turning to eachother with wide eyes and high-fiving.

“Gross!” You exclaim again for the second time that morning, washing it down with a swig of water. “Me with Jeon Jungkook? I feel my ovaries shriveling up at the thought of sleeping with that frat-boy pig.” Jimin just watches you carefully.

Hoseok shrugs, “I bet if you sleep with him, it won’t just be your ovaries shriveling up. I hear he’s great in bed.”

“Ugh! God Hoseok! Can you like not?” You cringe, and he laughs.

“I can’t help it! He’s cute!! If he swung this way, I’d jump on that even before he could even know he was gay.”

Everyone laughs and shakes their head at Hoseok’s blunt gayness, and you just grin uncomfortably as you turn back to your salad. You look up to see Jimin just watching you with a shy smile as he continues eating without a word.

After breakfast, it was time to stretch a little more and actually start skating. You say bye to the rest of the crew and make your way to the gym again with Irene. You cringe, massaging your shoulder as you walk over.

“Fuck,” you mutter, kneading the sore muscles. “My shoulder is all messed up...”

Irene turns with a worried expression. “Oh shoot, I knew that not sleeping with a neck pillow would mess with your trap muscles. Did you bring your muscle cream with you?”

Rummaging through your pack, you frown, “No...shit it really hurts though.”

She pushes you towards the dorms. “Go and get it before we get on the rink, Coach’ll kill you if she finds out you didn’t treat it before getting on the ice. You know how she is. One little painful thing and she’ll go crazy on you and make sure you get it treated and ban you from the ice until it’s better.”

You nod, biting your lip. “Don’t wait up for me!” You jog in the direction of the dorms.

It’s a bit chilly, but the cardio helps a little as you make your way up the lavish road towards the towering buildings. The olympic villages...were always nice on the outside, but pretty dumb on the inside.

Athletes were organized into country teams and shoved into tiny little apartments by gender, provided with college dormitory-style like rooms with two or three beds shoved into them with skinny little closets for your coats and stuff. You sigh as the dorm doors open to a rush of cold air, and scan your nametag before jogging over to the elevator, staring at your phone and logging your breakfast calories.

The elevator opens and you nonchalantly walk inside, but right before the doors close, a hand comes in and slams the door crevice, forcing the doors to open automatically. You frown at the noise and look up to see who it is, and your jaw drops as you see Jungkook smirking at you as he steps in the elevator. You roll your eyes and drop your neck back to your phone as your typing fingers become a little harsher at the screen of your phone.

He grins at you, “Whatcha doin’?”

“Trying to have some alone time,” you grumble, rolling your eyes at nothing in particular. He grins and somehow in his brain interprets it as an invitation to move closer and peer at your phone screen. “Sexting?”

“No, god Jungkook,” you yelp, twisting the screen away from him, “You’re still super gross.”

He laughs as the doors open and he trails after you. “This isn’t even your floor.” You grumble, walking down the hall towards your room anyway.

“This isn’t even my building, but you knew that already.” He shrugs, grinning at you. He knew you too well, and he knew that too. God, you just wanted to strangle him in that pretty little neck of his. You unlock your door and he hovers, watching you rummage around your room for the bright blue container of your muscle cream.

“So, you have a thing with the hockey player?” He leans against your door, eyeing you with a cocky smirk.

You huff and drop your duffel, giving up on finding the muscle cream you were positive you packed. Hands on your hips, you face him with a glare.

“Just because I exchanged a couple of words with Jimin doesn’t mean I’m dating him, Jungkook. I’m not like you, fucking the first thing he sees.”

He hisses between his teeth, throwing his head back as he chuckles. “Oooo that burned. Straight from the ice princess. You really chose your sport didn’t ya? Double meaning and all.”

Glaring, you roll your eyes and turn back to digging through the drawers. “Why the hell are you here? I need to apply my muscle cream.”

Grinning, he produces a condom packet from his pocket. “Guess what? These are Olympic grade. I would hate to waste them when they’re giving ‘em away so freely.” Shrugging, he gestures between the both of you. “We can see if they work as well as they’re supposed to?”

When you don’t reply, he grins again, letting the door shut behind him and lock as he saunters over to you.

“So whaddyou say, for old times sake?”

You groan, whirling around and facing him head on with a glare.

“Jungkook,” you grit, “we slept together twice. Four years ago. There is no old time’s sake.” You wave your arms dramatically.

He laughs, leaning back comfortably on your bed, and you groan. “Yeah it was four years ago, but equally as good. I mean,” he wonders, flipping the condom around in his fingers, “who knew that the goody little ice princess was actually such a freak in bed?”

You finally find the annoying little blue container and spin at him with hands on your hips. “Stop talking about that night. It never happened, okay? No one can know.” You twist open the container and unzip your jacket to reveal your sports bra and turn away from Jungkook to apply it.

He watches you struggle to reach the spot near your shoulder blade. “Need help?”

You glare at him over your shoulder. “No.”

He shrugs, “Your legs are flexible, but you know your arms not flexible enough to reach it and everyone’s out for training now. I’ll do it, no funny business.” He stands, and you glare at him but let him draw nearer as he takes the container from you.

“Turn around,” he says gently, and begins to slather on the cream into your shoulder and neck, rubbing it in so that the stickiness is absorbed completely into your skin. You wince as he rubs too hard and he apologizes, setting the container down and concentrating on not rubbing too hard.

“It wasn’t only four, you know,” he mutters, and you pause, frowning. “What?”

“We slept together twice four years ago during the games, but we also slept together a couple more times after that. Just not at the games.” He stops rubbing, and you jerk your jacket onto your shoulder again, standing up from the bed with a glare as you pack your backpack.

“Dont,” you warn, teeth gritted, “talk about that in front of anyone, ever. It could jeopardize our careers. Do you understand?! A few drunken nights together doesn’t mean anything! No matter how hot you think you are!” You storm off, jamming your shoes on and stomping outside.

The only thing you hear before the door slams shut is his cocky voice calling out, “So you think I’m hot?!”

Turn, Triple toe loop, land, Bielmann spin, stop, smile, turn again blade change.

You chant the routines in your head as you glide over the ice with the music. Although there were still 2 weeks left ahead of your actual performance, it was still crucial that you skated your program more than 10 times a day so that it was completely muscle memory by the time you stepped onto Olympic ice.

Your teammates watch carefully from the sidelines with your coach, who’s carefully scrutinizing your every move. You finish with a flourish, chest heaving as the swell of music ends.

Irene claps happily and Hoseok also joins her, cheering your name as you crumble over, hands on your knees as you heave with the effort of skating heavily for so long. Your coach steps onto the ice, patting your back as you put on your skate guards and take a seat.

“Good job Y/N,” she nods, stepping aside to let other skaters take to the ice. “Why don’t you go home today and stretch a little? You’re looking a little stiff.”

You nod, and on the corner of your eye, you see Jennie Kim step onto the ice. “Sure thing, coach, but let me stay behind and watch this one.” Coach Kim follows your gaze and softens. “Y/N,” she urges, “I don’t know if it’ll help you to watch her program.”

“It’s fine!” You reassure her with a smile and join Hoseok and Irene on the benches as the music begins.

Jennie was a phenomenal skater, everyone agreed. She was beautiful and thin and charming and knew exactly how to flirt on the ice. What you lacked in with performance skills, she excelled in with expressions and smiles, and what she lacked in technical jumps and clean cut programs, she excelled in making it look even more effortless and flirting with the audience enough to grant standing ovations and performing with a lot of emotion.

As the three of you watch her run through her program, she completes jumps and spins that you never expected her to be able to complete. “How the hell did she learn to do the triple lutz triple toe loop combo?! I thought last show she had to cut it out of her program because she couldn’t land it properly!” You hiss, and Irene shrugs, her jaw hanging open too. “I don’t know...” she says lowly, watching Jennie glide over the ice as if she were weightless. “That...that’s impossible to do within what...six weeks? Even Rose couldn’t do it like that.”

Hoseok gasps, “Oh my god, she faked that she couldn’t do it so she’d lower your expectations.”

You frown and watch her finish her routine, one she stops and gets claps from other people also watching from the stands. Your coach pats you on the shoulder. “Although her routine is a lot more complex than we thought it would be, if you execute ours perfectly, you’re bound to get a hell of a lot more points than she can. Your training is gonna pay off, don’t worry about it.”

Chewing on your lip, you nod, crossing your arms and worriedly walking out of the rink.

Your steps are heavy as you head towards the gym. Jennie and you had once been peers, two young girls who began skating together for fun and ended up enjoying it and being actually good at it. But then, somehow, somewhere within all the competition, you both had stopped doing eachother’s makeup and hair between performances, and instead had resorted to smirks and jeers as you challenged eachother.

Your gold medal or championship trophies matched the number of ones she had, and the both of you were neck to neck during every single match you could ever think of since you both became teenagers.

This was probably going to be your final or second to last Olympics, and then you would end up doing promotions for companies or becoming a trainer for the rest of your life. If you wanted to live comfortably, you would have to skate like your life depended on it, and Jennie did too. Whatever medals the both of you won today would go down in history and determine the next years to come. If you didn’t win that gold medal this year, you were determined to just retire before it became even more embarrassing.

The gym is full, with the sun high up in the air at 2pm. You can see a group of hockey players fiddling with the weights alongside the swimmers who were working the machines. The gymnasts and the female swimmers were already stretching in the padded room, and the running machines full of all types of athletes. Immediately, when you enter, the white shirt stretched over Jungkook’s back muscles is the first thing you see.

Ignoring the clenching feeling of anxiety in your gut, you head over to the stretching area to begin cooling off.

Feet out, leg as high up as you can, you coax yourself, mimicking what your coach would be telling you as of now. You can feel the stiffness, all the way back to your calves and the muscle cream from yesterday wasn’t helping all that much. Facing the mirror, you balance a hand on the beam and lean forward, lifting your leg up high far above your head as you balance on one foot, preparing for one of your spins.

Through the mirror, you see him come in, his head swiveling as he surveys the myriad of other girls stretching and then smiling wide as he jogs over to you, throwing his sweaty towel around his neck. Gross.

“So,” he says, leaning against the bar with a greasy smile. “Did you think about what I said?”

You roll your eyes and continue stretching. “How many times did I tell you that there’s absolutely nothing to talk about?”

“How many times after that night did you even have sex at all?” He scoffs, moving around to face you when you turn to switch sides.

“Did you like, even go out after that?” He prods, watching you stretch through the mirror. He wipes his sweat with the small hand towel, spraying some water from his bottle into his mouth and shaking out his sweaty bangs.

You switch legs, making another face when it strains a little. He notices, “oh, uh, do you need some help with that?”

You finally acknowledge him after twenty minutes of ignoring him. He was persistent, you had to give him that. Rolling your eyes you nod, “Do you remember how?”

“No,” he scoffs, but steps forward anyway, cradling your ankle in his larger hands. He’s hot, the cool temperature of the stretching area doing nothing to cool off his skin. He steps forward so the both of you are almost a hand width apart and places your ankle daintily on his broad shoulder. He then steps even closer, supporting your lower back with his hands and slowly pressing in to help stretch the calves and hamstrings.

You wimper a little because he’s almost an entire head and a half taller than your petite size and the leg on his shoulder is pressed almost to your chest. Squeezing your eyes shut you breathe in and out, the both of your bodies rocking slightly to accommodate the inflation of your lungs into your chest.

You can feel the heat emanating off his chest as he stands there looking down at you with the hardness of his body pressed up against the back of your thigh. It’s hard to not let your mind wander at that, flashbacks of drunken irresponsible high school days when you’d go to bed with him fucking you from behind and wake up to him kissing between your legs. And then you’d finish off with a nice hot bath and some good food. Back when you had no responsibilities, no worries, and no burdens on your shoulders.

The moment causes your mind to go a little hazy and in the fleeting few seconds of feeling vulnerable and the flood of hormones at the familIr feeling of his body against yours you whisper, “I haven’t” in response to his questions before. It’s too quiet to be heard over the high quality air conditioner whirring almost silently in the corner, but nonetheless his proximity lets him hear the two words.

He doesn’t say anything though, and lets your leg down from his shoulder and helps you get the other one onto his right shoulder. Rinse and repeat. But just as you open your mouth to say something more, a hand on the small of your back smooths over the curve of your hip and up your thigh and over to your ankle. Holding it delicately there, his hand grips it wth a firm and warm grasp, as he angles his head down to meet your questioning gaze.

“Me neither.” He whispers, and steps forward to press himself tightly against you. Your back presses against the bar and your hands flutter up from it to grip his forearms. You distinctly feel his hardness pressed against your belly.

“Seriously? Don’t lie to me Jeon Jungkook. The last time we slept together was months ago.”

“I’m serious!” You give him a glare.

“Do you…?” He trails off, and begins blinking like he does when he gets nervous.

The question lingers heavily over the hum of the running machines and air purifiers lining the training area.

His hands release your ankle and sets it gingerly on the ground, and he steps back, the warmth of his body and his chest and his hands and his breath leaving you all at once. You stumble a little back, your back resting on the bar.

Space, he was giving you space to decide.

You sigh, flexing your hands that are beginning to sweat. Your performance wasn’t for another two weeks. What did you have to lose?

Thinking about the way Jennie glided over that triple-toe-triple-lutz combination with no effort at all made you rage all the way inside, insides glowing hot from the annoyance of being fooled by her again. What was just one night of sex going to do? Your coach told you to relax and make sure you weren’t too stressed out and anxious...this...this was just an interesting way of doing it. What she didn’t know wouldn’t kill her.

“Fine,” you huff, stepping forward, gathering your things and heading out, as he jogs after you with a surprised look. “But on one condition, Jeon Jungkook. You cannot tell anyone. Are we clear?”

He smirks, running a hand through his hair. “Clear as ice.”

“Fuck,” you wimper as the the door slams shut behind you and Jungkook crowds your personal space. He’s breathing heavily, yanking harshly at your jacket zipper until it falls to the ground and your sports bra is all you’re wearing on top. He unzips that too and lets it fall to the ground, kissing you senselessly, lips moving against yours and drawing out your breaths and moans.

“God I missed this,” he breathes, grabbing your waist and hoisting you up. Wrapping your legs around his waist you tongue at his neck as he sets you on his bed and strips off his jacket. “Did you miss me too?” He smirks as he sucks on your nipple crewdly and you moan in response, hips bucking up into his.

“No--oh my god” you keen when he yanks down your legging and rubs at you through your underwear. Your hand flies down to grip his wrist, eyes squeezing shut at the sensation. “Oh-- fuck, please don’t stop.”

He just chuckles and yanks your underwear band aside to reveal your dripping core, sliding his fingers in you with no obstruction at all. “Oh shit, Y/N, you’re so fucking wet,” he grumbles, nipping at your breast as you mewl and twist under the onslaught of sensations.

“Take your pants off,” you breathe, panting harshly as he kneels up to peel his shirt off, revealing white milky skin, textured with taught lines and lean muscle. You help him untie the strings on his sweatpants, nimble fingers working desperately at the waistband until Jungkook gets impatient and just yanks it down his hips along with his boxers.

While he grabs a condom, you yank off your panties, pushing him to sit up against the headboard of the bed. You straddle him, throwing a thigh over his hips and resting your hands on his shoulders for leverage.

Were his shoulders always this broad?

You shake away the thought as he grips himself and guides himself to your center, rubbing his sensitive tip against your wetness and smearing it around to make it more comfortable. You busy yourself with sucking a hickey against his collarbone, licking and biting until the clean flesh becomes red and inflamed and shiny with your spit.

“Ready?” He breathes out, pupils blown out as he pants up at you. You nod and lower yourself on him slowly, and Jungkook moves his hand from gripping himself to settle and help you guide your hips down onto him. The both of you moan when you bottom out, panting and gripping each other desperately. When the stretch isn’t so bad, you rock your hips slowly back and forth, not yet bouncing up and down on him yet.

The movement stimulates your clit against his pelvis and you moan, throwing your head back and looping your arms around his neck as you continue to swivel your hips on him. Jungkook sits there, eyes heavy lidded as he watches you with a slight smile on his lips. His hand raises to curl your hair over your shoulder, his hand following and resting on your neck as he leans down to kiss against your neck, tongue laving heavily, hot and wet against your skin as you cling to him.

He’s marking you too, focusing on the area right where your jawline meets your ear and nibbling against it, teeth scraping against the sensitive skin, making you moan. “Jungkook,” you whine, and he seems to understand what you’re asking for when his hand settles on your hips again and he begins to guide you up and down his length.

The extra stimulation gets him going and he cringes. “Fuck, Y/N,” he grits his teeth and his hairline begins to dot with sweat at the effort. “I...I’m gonna cum s-soon.”

“Already?” You gasp, opening your eyes to ask him. He nods, biting his lip as he groans, his jaw falling open. “I-it’s been a r-really long t-time. And you feel s-so fucking good. Hngh.” He groans as you squeeze around him in response to his praise.

“Okay,” you breathe, “Just wait for me, hold on.” You reach down and rub your clit in wide circles, gathering the wetness from where you and Jungkook meet, and pressing into your clit with the pads of your fingers. Jungkook just buries his face into your neck, panting harshly against your collarbone as you continue to swivel your hips, moaning and rubbing like your life depended on it.

With the feeling of Jungkooks lips on your nipples and his hands roaming your body, and his dick reaching parts of you that your fingers can’t even think of stimulating, and along with the 7-month-long hiatus from sex with him, you find yourself reaching the edge fairly quickly.

“O-oh shit, Jungkook,” you whisper, letting him take over in rubbing circles on your clit, “I-I’m gonna---” You bite down on his shoulder, dampening the moans that tumble out of your mouth as you topple over the edge. At the sensation, Jungkook cums almost simultaenously as he finally lets himself go, and his moans spur you on as you quake over him and both your hips stutter at the overwhelming rush of pleasure.

You pant and tremble as the sensations run through your entire body, your eyes rolling back as you moan and mewl and say whatever the fuck is coming out of your mouth right now at the feelings. But apparently it’s not completely and utterly horseshit that you’re muttering right now because Jungkook rocks up into you, riding out his own high and groaning your name loudly as his orgasm subsides.

He laughs a little when he finishes, and the action makes him move a bit inside of you and you cringe, muttering a “ew you’re so sticky,” as you climb off of him. He stands after you, following you into the shower and flushing down the condom. Grinning and leaning against the doorway, he watches you climb into the shower and hose down your body.

“How the hell were you hooked up with your own room? And bathroom?” You mutter, using the body wash there to clean off all the sweat.

When he doesn’t respond, you turn, but a hand snakes around your waist. “Let me,” he murmurs, grabbing the soap from you and running along your back, his warm hands scratching over your skin. You let your head fall back at the sensation as he focuses a little too much on your breasts, swirling over the nipple with circular motions and gentle hands. “Again?”

“Let’s save water,” he grins and you let him.

You don’t save any water that day. It was 44 minutes too long.

“Let’s go get some food,” Jungkook whines, as you both finish, collapsing on the bed with panting breathes as you come down from your high. His hands cradle your waist as you take a moment to gather yourself before you prop yourself up.

“Huh?” You wrinkle your nose down at him, propping your arms on his chest.

He laughs, sitting up and grabbing his shirt. “You said you were hungrier earlier. And we barely ate today, after gymming in the morning. I’m starving,” he whines, pouting at you and you laugh, rolling off of his bed to grab your clothes.

“I can’t,” you whine, pouting at your belly and poking the skin there. “If coach finds out I’m eating anything other than the diet we’re limited to, she’ll kill me.”

He rolls his eyes, shrugging on a hoodie. “Oh god,” he groans, pulling on his baggy pants with easy. “You’re literally skinnier than some models that I’ve slept with.”

You glare at him when he mentions the models and he laughs guiltily. “Sorry,” he grins, “But it’s true. You can afford to eat whatever you like. C’mon, just one meal won’t hurt.”

You sigh, pulling on your leggings and a clean pair of underwear. Somehow...you ended up having a stash of underwear hidden deep within Jungkook’s drawers.

“Fine,” you grumble, but the grin on your face says otherwise. It’d been ages since you ate anything other than the planned dietary foods prepared for you by your coach and parents. This...this time wouldn’t be too bad. No one would notice.

“Where’s my phone?” You grumble, digging through the bedsheets and your bag as you search for it.

Jungkook shrugs, shaking out his hair. “I’ll meet you outside, gonna pee before we go.”

You shrug him off and he leaves, and you finally find the device and slip it into your pocket. You also grab Jungkook’s really baggy hoodie and pull it over your thin workout spandex long sleeve and leggings, relishing in the way his smell floods your senses as the warm and soft fabric tumbles down your body all the way to your mid-thigh. Grinning, you turn to open the door, calling out, “Jungkook I--”

Standing down the hall, with a packet of yogurt hanging from his lips and eyes as wide as yours, is Seokjin. His hand lingers on his doorknob, and he balks at you as you stand in Jungkook’s single room, in his clothes, and takes one glance at the messy room full of your stuff and mussed up bedsheets, and connects the dots immediately.

“Seokjin...” you breathe, eyes darting to the main entrance.

“What the fuck?” He sputters, pulling out the plastic packet from his mouth and stomping up to you. “You’re the girl that Jungkook’s been fucking?”

You bite your lip, trying to rack up any excuse, but you come up blank. “Oh my god, Seokjin, you can’t tell anyone! Not even Irene, if coach finds out she’ll kill me---”

He whisper-yells at you. “Have you even met our coach? He’ll rip our balls off one by one if he knew Jungkook was slacking off in any way.”

“Also,” he adds, frowning, “How dare you?! I thought you said he was gross.”

You grin sheepishly. “It just happened...the stress and all, and there’s a lot of time in 3 weeks for 24 hours...”

He shakes his head trying to get the image of you out of his head. “God,” he hisses, “I’ve been trying to set the two of you up for years! And all you two did was give me shit for it. Little did I know you two were already getting it on,” he glances behind him, to the vicinity of his room, whipping back around to you furiously. “And right next to my room?!”

You sigh, gripping his arm. “C’mon Seokjin I know you won’t tell, but I need you to say it out loud. Please, promise me you won’t tell.”

He sighs, groaning at you before relenting. “Alright, fine. But only because you gave me really yummy vitamins next week and medicine for my constipation.”

You grin, reaching up to hug him. When he leaves for his room, Jungkook finally emerges from the restroom, grinning. “Whatcha two talkin’ about?” He grins, cocking his chin at Seokjin’s door.

You march up to him, punching him hard. He doubles over, winded. “What the fuck Jungkook?!” you hiss, “I thought you said no one’s home before 3!”

He winces, groaning and clutching his stomach. “Jeez woman,” he croaks, “Who the fuck taught you how to punch?”

You smirk, “Get up. I’m hungry now.” He grins as he leads you to the front door. He reaches down and pulls the hood of his sweater up and around your head, bunching it low over your eyes. “Good,” he comments, doing the same to his own. “We can’t get caught sneaking out. I know of a way.” He winks and leads you down the elevator and towards the edge of the campus.

“Where?” You hiss, jogging after him.

He grins at you, pulling you alongside him with a warm hand that curls around yours. “Just trust me.” He walks straight for where the trash deposits are, and you wrinkle your nose at the smell of rotting food and boxes of cardboard strewn messily in the garage. But in the corner, you can clearly see a door marked with a red EXIT sign.

“That’s the only one that doesn’t lock, all around campus,” he explains, slowly and gently opening it and glancing around to make sure the coast is clear before jogging out with you. “The others have cameras or guards, but this one I guess was forgotten with all the other construction that was going on.”

You hmm in agreement and relish in the way Jungkook’s hand feels against yours. It’s a lot bigger, and his long fingers curl all the way to the middle of your palm, where his thumb strokes gently and warmly against your smooth skin. Feeling the way your hand is freezing cold, he pockets both your hands in his jacket pockets, nesting both your hands in the warm comforts of his down jacket.

After a bit of walking, you make it to a decently crowded pedestrian area where he leads you to a corner of the street, where a tiny snack shop sits. Your mouth waters at the sight of a couple people inside, drinking hot soups and chowing down on instant ddukbokki’s and kimbap’s and ramen bowls that made your stomach churn with anticipation.

“Oh my god,” you whisper, as Jungkook grins at you and leads you up to the stands, taking a seat in the corner. He still doesn’t let go, letting your intertwined hands rest on the plastic foldable table. “How did you find this place?” you whisper, after he orders a heaping pile of food for the both of you.

“It’s a secret passed down through the snowboarding team for generations,” he winks, grinning when the cook brings over a steaming pile of rice cakes and korean pancakes and kimbap for you both to start on. You use the skewer to grab a piece and pop it into your mouth, humming and grinning at the wonderful taste of spicy and sweet that bursts within your mouth. Moaning at the sensation, you skewer a few more pieces into your mouth, chewing thoughtfully as he explains.

“The hyungs would sneak out every chance we get. Our coach is a little...stiff and strict, but he lets us do this sort of in an apology for how strict he usually is.”

You nod, chewing and washing it down with a sip of hot soup. “And does he come with you?”

Jungkook shakes his head, using his free hand to grab a kimbap and chew on it. “Nope, he lets us have our thing. It’s like a tradition. I think this year, the team plans to come back here at least a few more times before we have to go back.”

You grin, happily finishing up the plate of rice cakes. Staring at the empty bottom in horror you gulp. “Oh shit, when did I finish this whole thing?” You frown, trying to count the calories in your head. “Fuck, I’m screwed.” Dropping your skewer, you feel tears of shame brimming in your eyes.

Jungkook just frowns and shakes his head. He calls out for another order and you protest, but he just retorts, “Even the people with the best bodies let themselves have cheat days for goodness sake. You need this, Y/N. Don’t just de-stress with sex, rejuvenate with some food too.”

You melt under his worried words and grin, sheepishly nodding when he hands you a new skewer.

“Thanks Jungkook,” you whisper, taking another sip of the delicious ramen. “I love this place.”

He grins, his hand curling around yours tighter.

Once the both of you finish eating, he takes you around a bit more to explore, and then the both of you stumble back into his dorm.

“Oh my god,” He mumbles into your neck as you unbuckle his jeans and slip a hand down his boxers. “Your hands are freezing,” he grits, licking and kissing at your neck as you pump him tightly in your fist.

You giggle, letting him undo the zipper of your jacket and slide your jumper off of your torso. His hands fall heavily on your breasts, cradling them and letting their weight fall into his palms as he presses you into his warm bed. “Yours too,” you pant, the end of your declaration hitching up into a moan as he moves his mouth down to suck harshly at your nipple before tenderly running his warm tongue over it.

“Let me warm you up,” he moans, and you remove your hand from his pants as he gets busy getting rid of yours. Once completely off and your leggings and panties thrown haphazardly over his shoulder, he hikes your thighs up over his shoulders and licks a warm stripe up your slit.

Your head falls back onto the pillows, abs tensing as Jungkook gets to work, his warm mouth and tongue laving all over your lips and slit, maneuvering in patterns that make you twist and turn like putty under his hands. Your own hands are gripping at his forearms crossed over your belly, anchoring you to the bed, nails digging into his cold skin and scratching at the nape of his neck where you hold the strands of his hair tightly.

“F-fuck,” you moan, hips jostling against his arms, “I-I can’t...Jungkook, just put it in...” you beg, core clenching as he boldly pushes you right up against the point of tipping over. But no matter how good you taste and how beautiful you sound and look right now, Jungkook also agrees that the best way to watch you cum is when you’re writhing underneath him.

“Fine,” he mutters, rolling his eyes at you.

So he licks one last cheeky stripe up against your clit, the rough pad of his tongue stimulating you enough to make you jump before he gets up, carding off his shirt and pants as he climbs up your body and meets you in the middle with a sloppy kiss.

He hastily puts on the condom and slides into you with no intrusion, settling his warm weight on yours, chest against yours and hips gently rocking into your core. You moan and clutch at him desperately, throwing your arms around his neck and curling your legs around him like a vice.

Jungkook lets out a strangled moan of your name, stuttering, “Sh-shit, don’t clench, y-you’re so fucking tight,” he grits, and when you see the way his jaw tenses in the effort to not cum too fast, you can’t help but lean up and nip teasingly at his ear and scrape your teeth against the sharp jawline.

“C’mon,” you whisper, whining as he begins rutting into you faster, “Hurry,” you moan, and Jungkook leans up, detaching from your neck to sit up a bit better and piston his hips into you, angling himself just enough so the tip of his cock slides and taps right against the spot that has your toes curling and your eyes rolling into the back of your skull. You moan and pant and whine like an animal in heat as Jungkook wipes the sweat off his brow, and gets this steely look on his face as he drives home.

The both of you finish, eachother’s names on the tip of your tongues and moans as you huskily whine and pant, bodies trembling with the overexertion of so much sex and the overwhelming pleasure of both your climaxes.

Jungkook collapses on you, breathing heavily, and you let him stay there, kissing small innocent, apologetic kisses into the soft flesh of your chest as he comes down from his high.

You begin giggling, as he does so, cringing a bit from the oversensitivity of the orgasm and laughing at the tickling feeling of his lips smoothing so softly over your skin.

“One more time?” He asks, and he instantly feels the way your breath hitches and shudders at the suggestion.

You smirk down at him, bringing him in for a kiss.

“Of course,” you whisper against his lips, smiling as he grins and meets you halfway again.

You didn’t go home at all that night.

tbd!

#bangtan bookclub #bts fics #bts smut #jungkook fics #jungkook smut #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts #jungkook #writing #fics #snow and ice

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blackcoffeeandblankpagess · 5 years

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Got to take the trail shoesies for a spin for the first time since september

It’s really crazy how fast time flies and I’ve had a lot of time for reflection lately about my running trajectory to date and what I could do better, because the thing is, if nothing changes, I’m just going to have to deal with the same problems again and again

So some things that these pictures don’t show

-A new emphasis on sleep, if that means working out in the afternoon because I need extra rest in the morning so be it, last spring I was waking up at 5am and going to bed at midnight every day and I was 1. Miserable and 2. Sick (shoutout flu a AND flu b) and 3. Injured and I’m pretttty confident lack of sleep was huge, also slepe gives your body time to recover which is IMPORTANT

-The fact that while I was traveling I only ran twice despite the fact that I could, even with my limited running right now, have run more than that. There were nights we were awake until 3am and sure I could have woken up early to run in a new place (something that I do love) but that would have meant being exhausted all day, probably not staying up that late (aka losing those memories) in the first place, and not getting the chance to snuggle in the morning with someone I love who I was only seeing for a brief period of time. Also, when I was traveling we were walking miles every day around cities and I found myself thinking how if I was reallllly running I would have been dragging walking around the rest of the day and it was kinda nice to have that energy.

-Getting sick last weekend aka the last few days I was abroad. I completely rested for the majority of this week. Could I have pushed myself through a short run or a PT circuit or an ab workout? Yeah. But would I feel mostly better like I do currently by now? Probably not. “Can” does not mean “should” and sometimes it’s taking that extra rest when you could theoretically do more that really makes the difference. Don’t wait until “should” becomes “have to.”

-My sore sore sore legs on this run. After resting for a few days and then running + pt on thursday and then pt pre run this morning my legs were deeead. At the end of this run I was at 2.8 miles and instead of trying to get it up to 3 like I would normally do because runners are like that, I said okay I’m tired and I’m back at my car and I’m stopping.

-A weiiiiiird tightness on the bottom of my right foot that has been popping up during runs/when I walk a lot that is a litttttle bit worrisome but trying not to panic and keeping a close eye on it and in close communication about it with my PT.

I’ve gone through so many years of running injuries and I have so much life and running ahead of me and I have to believe that that is largely due to being extremely competitive and falling into the comparison trap and always wanting to do more and more but here is what I have learned-

You might be able to skip from level 1 fo level 5 for a little while, but eventually you’re going to get knocked down to level 1. And if you had just stepped from level 1 to level 2 in the first place, sure it’s not level 5, but chances are you wouldn’t be knocked back to level 1. And level 2 is a step above level 1 no matter how small. Slow and steady wins the race and I am finally accepting that.

#this was a far longer caption than anticipated #personalposts #runs

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soysaucevictim · 5 years

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I’ve been worrying myself sick lately... but the day finally came. And I still feel a level of uncertainty - the hard part of things is over for the time being.

June 4

I got up around 7:30 AM again.

Socialized, went to Seeking Safety, did some Resilient Grieving reflection (but not a lot), and listened to music.

Still feel pulled in way too damn many directions. And I can’t even ENGAGE any of them until the hearing happens and what the verdict is going to be. And I’m so fucking frustrated, more with myself, that I just can’t make myself do that lately. I know it’s probably going to pass once The Day happens. And it will be SOME kind of relief (be it favorable result or not), once I have something to work with. I feel like no one is being patient with me, including myself, despite how clearly evident how much distress I’m in.

There’s some complex grief response shit I need to work on, the fear of getting my teeth fixed, the fear of learning to fucking drive, the fear that I don’t understand what the fuck my needs/priorities are (and the support I deserve towards them), the sense of falling far too behind on house work that needs to be done, the feeling of making excuse after excuse - that I’m not trying hard enough, and being too gawd damn frazzled to get my sleep (also medication & exercise) schedule somewhere fucking sensible again. And everything just feeds into each other and makes me want to fucking scream sometimes.

ANYWAYS... after getting home and getting distracted by the BS (because it’s the only way I’m able to fucking cope with this fucking thunderstorm in my head, atm)... I did at least get my exercise in. :I

First, today’s DD. 1′ basic burpees with EC. Manageable, despite under-sleeping. I also counted 20 completed reps by the end. Whew. :U

Second, Day 3 of the NC. “Strength“, meaning push-ups. Though I did think about going for 2′. I did 1′ (so Level 2). Which was a good call, since I was getting close to my PB & form got pretty messy. But I did count 42 of them in the time given.

Last, Day 3 of the PUP. Lower body work again - more distal stuff. I did have to drop down my left foot a few times during the leg swings because of fatigue making keeping balance real difficult. Probably also because I was too tired

Despite being too damn tired... I still stayed up till like 5AM with the same old BS. I’m a fucking mess. :/

June 5*

Been up since like 2PM. Meant to at least get up early enough to take my morning meds. Didn’t. So I didn’t take them at all! (Because I know you REALLY should try to keep that shit consistently spaced out... wild windows of hours is ill advised.)

Don’t have much to say about my day that I haven’t already.

Okay. I wound up doing all my exercise after midnight.

First, today’s DD. 20 matrix tilts with EC. Not a huge fave since it's pretty intense for the knees. But manageable.

Second, Day 4 of the NC. “Stealth“, meaning a wall-sit hold. This time I actually went for the 2′ duration, Level 3. It was fairly tough but very doable - given I’ve done this amount before. Also, watching Sanders Sides is a fantastic distraction from the burning quads. Pffft. :,D

Last, Day 4 of the PUP. Lower body work - but closer to the thighs/core. This was tough to get through. And I did have to pause for muscle recovering in tthe later half/quarter. The side leg raises didn’t stay very high - but oh well. Did the best I was able to do for the day.

Now. I sincerely doubt I’ll be going to the facility “tomorrow”. Since I wrote this bit past 3AM. =_=

June 6*

.I wound up staying up til like noon. Opting not to go to the facility today and sleeping til almost 6PM.

Same old noise after that. Wound up doing my exercise past midnight again, though*. :I

First, today’s DD. 60 turning kicks with EC. I always enjoy combat work. I tried to make sure to not let the foot drop until the side was done. Did wobble a few times but was able to keep it going. :D

Second, Day 5 of the NC. “Grit“, meaning up/down planks. I went for 1′ again and counted 16 reps in that time (counting each direction as one rep). This was certainly difficult, but I did pace myself and think to wear some long sleeves. JUst happy to not scrape up my elbows today. :P

Last, Day 5 of the PUP. Upperbody work. I did like that it involved knee push-ups. So that helped keep things just about manageable. That being said it was a bit of a hassle figuring out how to set it up so my knees weren’t unhappy and that I could check on the timer. Figured things out, but that did take some willpower to accomplish.

June 7

Been up since about 4PM.

Mostly been up to the same noise - but I did some dishes, made some dinner, and exercised.

First, today’s DD. 60 standing W-extensions with EC. I enjoyed this a lot. I also did a few extra in case I lost count. :D

Second, Day 6 of the NC. “Balance”, meaning one legged stand. I knew that I could pretty easily manage 2′ of this one In fact, I technically shot for 4′, 2′ for each side back-to-back.

Last, Day 6 of the PUP. Kind of mixed focus on squat and side elbow plank stuff. Did have a false start hours before going for it to completion. Mostly was frustrated with how I wanted to keep track of time while on the floor. But this whole thing was not a walk in the park. Second round of planks I did brace with top leg forward a bit.

June 8

Though I did get up a couple times earlier, I got up proper at like 6PM. Yeah.

First, today’s DD. 30 butterfly sit-ups with EC. This variation still requires some foot anchoring to do very many of. But nevertheless enjoyable! :D

Second, Day 7 of the NC. “Endurance“, meaning climbers. I went for 1′, Level 2. I counted 136 reps by the end. Did think about trying for 2′ again, but decided I wasn’t up for it.

(After getting way too damn distracted again...)

Last, Day 7 of the PUP. Lower body work. I’d say this was a more enjoyable sequence to get through and I didn’t have to drop/pause at any point. It wasn’t easy though!

(I may go add notation where I had to compromise, mostly for the data. :P )

June 9

Similar story as yesterday, except getting up after 3PM today.

Same old noise, but I did try to get my exercise done early on for the day.

First, today’s DD. 20 stacked push-ups with EC. Not much to say other than I found this one very manageable. :P

Second, Day 8 of the NC. “Core strength“, meaning hollow hold. First time I just had to tap out at Level 1 or 30″. I know my PBs can be upwards to a minute - I just didn’t feel up to straining my neck, because historically this exercise is pretty terrible for it.

Last, Day 8 of the PUP. Upper body work. I did very much enjoy this sequence, made my forearms burn (what with all the un/clenching of fists), as well as my shoulders. But it was a nice break on the former for the holds.

Tomorrow is The Day. So, after that, I took a shower and prepped some notes for the hearing before getting to bed. I also did try to get to sleep at a more reasonable time by my standards...

June 10

I didn’t get the most restful sleep last night. Getting up a few hours earlier due to muscle aches and stomach feeling all knotted up. :S

Ate a little bit and tried to get as much sleep as I could until 7:30.

Got dressed and was driven to court. The wait to get called in (with representative) was nerve-wracking. But the judge seemed to be warm enough and I didn't wind up having to cry-talk during our discussion. Probs won't know the ruling until a few months, I assume.

Feels like it's going to be a coin flip, tbh. But, I'm just happy to get it over with.

Got home and gamed awhile before exercising.

First, today’s DD. 40 raised leg circles with EC. This was doable despite exhaustion. But, the thing I've been stressing out over for the past several weeks is done. So that's something. :P

Second, Day 9 of the NC. “Combat“, meaning punches. Let’s just say I was looking forward to this after the hearing stuff. Something reliably enjoyable to keep my head from getting bleak again. Easily knocked out 2′ (Level 3), with 216 punches thrown. Tried to put a bit more of a twist into them. =w=

Last, Day 9 of the PUP. Lower body work. I also liked how this went. I did not do balanced side leg raises for the reps (keeping foot off floor, while down) but it didn’t seem to imply that interpretation. It certainly would’ve been harder than it already was, if so. But I did keep the holds up for their full durations. The balance work was super satisfying! :D

That did wake me up a bit more. I still wanted to take a nap... but wound up not doing so. Also wanted to get some notes together for my therapy appointment tomorrow. But ran out of time/energy for that,

But now, I need do a bit of archiving and try to get to bed.

#adventures with fitness #... and now we wait #while i feel a lot more relief after getting thehearing over with now... i'm going to leave in all the venting #more for my own reference and context #there is some lingering worry about whether i hurt my case at any point... but at this point - what's done is done #i need to move forward again

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themiddlelayer · 5 years

Text

One step forward, two steps back

I really wanted to be able to write about my weekend up in Phoenix for Java Bear’s birthday. I wanted to write about how welcomed his wife made me feel from the minute I walked into the restaurant, all the really cool new people I met in person after seeing them in the poly FB group, and our coffee date Sunday morning that ended with kisses that put a big smile when I think about it. I wanted to write about the good.

But of course, there was more to the weekend.

MM had plans to come up to Phoenix on Sunday for 2 coffee dates, one of whom was at Java Bear’s party. I had told him that I didn’t think that dating was a good idea and that I was concerned about him using it as a bandaid. That was the very reason I initially said that I wanted to keep things more platonic with Java Bear this weekend. MM didn’t listen.

I left Java Bear’s party around 11pm Saturday night and about lost it driving back to my hotel. This overwhelming sense of pain and loss just came over me. I kept it together long enough to get into my hotel room safely and Java Bear texting me helped me keep my eyes dry a little longer.

Shortly after we said goodnight the floodgates opened. I was laying there sobbing when MM started messaging me. He had gone on a date and got a goodnight kiss. He said that it made him realize that he didn’t want to date. What he wants is the quople. He wants Gypsy and me. And he spelled it out in that order.. Gypsy first.

Things spiralled from there into anger on my side then into him bringing up things he said he didn’t feel like he could tell me before. It was around 3am when we attempted to say goodnight for the 3rd or 4th time and I couldn’t let go of some of the things he had said so I called him.

We were on the phone until after 5am during which time he asked me to come home as soon as I could and he told me that he was going to cancel his plans to come to Phoenix. There was talk of getting in the car right then but all the crying and the lack of sleep meant that it wouldn’t be safe. Plus, I really did want to have breakfast with Java Bear and MM said he understood.

My nap only lasted about an hour then I got up and checked out of the hotel and met Java Bear for breakfast. On the way there I stopped for gas and bumped a water display at the gas station. It was really good that I was staying long enough for a real meal and coffee before the drive.

Breakfast was great! Conversation flowed as easily in person as it has in text all these months. There was goodbye kissing... more than just kisses. I remember feeling my whole body relax in his arms like all the tension I’ve been holding had dissolved in that moment. I’d gone in feeling like I needed to keep some distance because I don’t want him to be a bandaid for me. After talking to MM all night I felt like things were settled enough there that I knew my feelings for Java Bear were absolutely separate from that mess. He is not a bandaid and I felt secure enough with MM to move forward with Java Bear.

I drove home with a big smile on my face and the kind of hope for my marriage that I haven’t felt in a long time.

When I got home, MM just held me tight and we cried together. Eventually we moved to the couch and talked about a lot of things. Honestly, in my sleep-deprived haze I’m struggling to remember the details. I just remember him talking about going back to how it was before the quople as far as non-monogamy. He admitted that while the ‘only dating men’ thing worked for him, there was always a voice in the back of his head that talked about wanting other women, too. Now that he’d experienced the relationship with Gypsy and felt what that connection was and then he tried the dating thing, he realized that it really is ME that he wants. And he wants the 3 dinner plates, king-sized bed life with 2 husbands that I’d always envisioned.

It was around that point in the conversation that I told him about kissing Java Bear. His response was the “hot pirate face.” It was such a positive reaction that I didn’t think twice about my initial statement to MM about keeping things more platonic. Plus, I’m pretty sure he likes Java Bear and they are both interested in men. The possibilities... right?!?

The rest of the night was spent on the couch with MM curled up in my lap cuddling. Things felt almost normal until I went to bed in my own room. But even that felt okay. It was the first time since the blow up that I was looking at when I could be his wife again not IF I could be his wife again.

Monday was a really good day. I had a class to teach and some editing to on a training manual, both of which I love doing. MM and I made plans to go to a movie after I got off work and he cooked dinner so that I could get dressed and we could go right out.

We were literally walking out the door when things went sideways. He said that he was upset about me kissing Java Bear and that I had crossed a line in a way. While we both agreed that we hadn’t clearly defined where we were, the last thing MM remembered was when I put that down as an agreement. I, however, was thinking about our last conversation when I told MM that I was putting those boundaries on myself and why. In other words, I saw it as my own boundary and I felt fine crossing it. A feeling that was further enforced by MM’s initial reaction to it. But he felt that I’d put it down as an “agreement” and crossed a line.

On top of all of that, he had me read an exchange with Gypsy where she talked about Nomad’s no-contact thing. She said that he shut down when she asked about me and and that it seemed to hurt him too much to have contact with me. MM’s intent seemed to be to show me that Nomad really did/does love me and that his silence was not for lack of love. I knew that. I know that. It still stings.

We almost made it to the theater before the floodgates opened. We ended up sitting in the parking lot talking while I cried uncontrollably until he asked if we could start driving back home. There were some really hurtful things said and even now I get a twinge of guilt even talking about it because his thing is that he says I don’t care about his feelings and everything is always about me. He said that I had been gaslighting him in a way. That REALLY stings.

I couldn’t look at him for the rest of the night. I just filled my water bottle and went to bed. I did some writing and tried to process it all. Things had felt so good on Sunday and suddenly we were in a place that felt even worse than before.

Today hasn’t been much better. Just now MM said that his messenger had updated and it looked weird then proceeded to send me a screenshot. Below our conversation there were conversations from today with Gypsy and 2 of the women he’d been chatting with, including the one he went out with Saturday night. I literally said “Ouch.” He replied, “I can’t talk to people?”

He read my ‘ouch’ as accusatory and I read his reply as hostile. I took a breath and didn’t react instead said, “You can. It just stings to see who.. I'm not blaming you or saying you're doing anything wrong. I'm sorry if that's how it came across.”

He’s on the way home and picking up dinner. I told him I wanted to make time to talk tonight but I know he wanted to do some writing to try and get his thoughts in order before talking so we’ll see if it happens tonight.

Right now I’ve got about 10 minutes until I’m “off work” and I’m not able to do much more actual work. Aside from crying, I’ve got that stabbing pain in my chest that just makes me want to throw up again. I haven’t really eaten properly today because of it and I know better. A soylent drink and peanut butter toast is not enough for the day.

I’ve gotten to the point where I posted something in a Poly Women’s group asking for advice on how to get past this phase of grief. I’m all for sitting with my feelings and accepting where I’m at, but this is impacting my ability to do my job and to function on a daily basis. I’m exhausted and in pain... my heart literally aches every day.

There has to be a way to process and grieve without hurting myself so badly. I just wish I could figure out what it is.

#heartbreak #ouch #nonmonogamy #poly life #grief

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jordon-heart · 6 years

Text

Blind Sidearm

Warnings: fighting, war, death, comfort

[03:00] 3am

My post was silent as i stared at the black floor, the only thing that kept me awake was the burning sensation of the scalding cup of coffee in my hands. I had a lot on my mind and trying to sort through it all was painfully long. from Internal conflict to outside drama- It could be too much sometimes.

“Hey Stanger,” came a husky voice as a heavy pair of footsteps approached me. “Hey Kylo,”I smiled weakly. “What brings you to this sector?” i put my back against the wall, visibly relaxing in his presence. “I’ve been meaning to see why you’ve been so tense lately,” Kylo added and stood against the wall, opposite of me. “Oh..you don’t have to check on me,”I shrugged it off but his eyes told me he didn’t believe me. “It’s lower rank bullshit,” i added and Kylo shook his head. “The truth,” he said, sending a small smirk-that was rare. “I have feelings for someone and I’m just mulling over them, trying to see what the best plan of action is,”I sipped my coffee. “Who’s the lucky guy?” He challenged. “Not telling you,”I chuckled and i felt his gaze intensify. i looked at Kylo as his face changed. “Are you going to talk to him?” Kylo’s voice was Ice and i was caught off guard. “I-i’m not sure, he’s pretty i-important and i don’t think he’ll time for me,”I mumbled and Kylo scoffed. “Then why even bother with the conflict?” he snapped and my alarm went off, signaling the end of my shift. “I bother with the conflict because i really connect with the person. he makes me happy, he takes time out of his day to see me when he doesn’t have to and most of all he makes me feel safe,” i turned to leave. “Lucky bastard,” Kylo scoffed. “Not really, I’ve told him everything and he’s too stupid to realize what I’m saying,”I walked away, leaving Kylo in silence...

[20:00] 8pm

i had already ended, started and was ending my day once again before my 3am fire watch. My bed was warm as i curled up towards the wall, soaking up the peaceful vibes until there was the sound of chaos in the hallway. I jumped out of my bed and flung the door open only to be hit with tear gas. i slammed the door shut and hurried to put on my combat uniform. I clasped on the black gas mask before stepping back into the hallway. “CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE! RESISTANCE FIGHTER ON BOARD! ALL SPECIAL OPERATION SQUADS ARE ACTIVE! OPERATION ORDER: 8-6-6-3” the command was clear, order 8663 was to eliminate all enemy targets. I ran down the hallways towards the main bridge, many troopers and officers stopping to watch the solid black figures blur by. I skidded to a stop, my Platoon already formed up in front of the main bridge. “Squads 1 and 4! Stay here and protect the bridge! Kill all enemies who try and enter! Squads 3 and 6, guard the High command sector, make sure all are secure or being evacuated! Squads 2, 5 and 7 spread out and locate targets, terminate when possibly. Squad 8, you’re with me, we’re going head first into the madness! MOVE OUT!” i yelled and dark bodies moved swiftly to their assigned post. Squad 8 followed me carefully as we stealthfully made our way towards hangar 8, were all the Resistance ships landed. ‘O-Officer S-steller do y-y-you copy?’ i tapped. the earpiece which sent a ring to the communicator that i was listening. ‘They have a force user, do not engage- The knights of Ren will handle her’ the communicator said with a shaky breath before the Com went silent. i signaled to the squad members not to engage the force user, they reluctantly agreed.

[05:00] 5am

It’s a standoff, my squad Vs the Band of Resistance fighters, the only reason i didn’t stage a charge was the fact that the force user was among the line of fighters. but my patience was running out, there have been 8 hours of stillness and no action. I spoke quietly to my squad as i explained my plan. the high command said to wait for the knights of Ren but if there were a weak spot and a chance to take out the force user, to exploit that chance. “I’m going in,” i started off, their eyes went wide “I’ll enter from behind the craft. once i take out the two top gunners, you guys will stay behind this line but fire at any and all enemies. from there i will try and get my hands on that damned force user. maybe get some damage on her before i haul ass. got it?” and i my message was well received.

the gunners were out, and now i stood, hidden behind the landing ramp of a cargo ship. footsteps stomping up and down as people ran up to ammo up. i took in a deep silent breath before i stepped out from the darkness, shots flying from my blaster and making contact almost every time. i moved quickly, advancing on the targets, some of them would be kept for interrogation-such as Poe Dameron and FN-2187 but my sights were set on the figure highlighted by Blue light. She stared at me, and i stared back but i made the 1st move. my blaster was set to full power as i fired on her but she blocked all incoming shots with the saber. i kept her occupied with the blast as i advanced closer to her. soon enough we were on top of each other and i was able to try and disarm her. sections of my uniform began to burn by the heat of the saber but i gritted my teeth, pushing through until i finally threw the saber from her, but it wasn’t a victory. a large explosion threw both of us part and i was left shell-shocked, ears ringing painfully. more explosions shook the hangar and i soon found myself enveloped in darkness.

[Unknown Time and date]

everything blurred together after the hangar collapsed, it was all according to plan to have it collapse but the plan didn’t involve me almost being a fatality. I was crushed under the wreckage but I was found a few hours later after the dust settled. apparently, it was bad- bad enough that i had 1-year intensive rehab, a regular rehab treatment would take 3.

Month 3 of rehab and i had already threatened every person trying to help me. My squad didn’t talk to me anymore, and my Position was handed off to another Captain. It hurt to wake up knowing that the day would be filled with failure but it hurt to go to sleep knowing i didn’t make any progress.

I sat in my quarters, tightening the two black braces on my legs. i would make it to the cafe to grab some food, eat and head back to my quarters- all on my own. they told me not to but by now mostly everyone knew i didn’t listen. i took careful steps to my door and slowly left my room. i used the wall for support as i painfully stepped towards the cafe which was a 5-minute walk away but it now felt like hours. the cafe was empty, thankfully, and i slowly made a tray of food and sat down. “Hey stranger,” i heard the heavy voice of Kylo call from behind me. “H-hey K-kylo,”I stuttered not expecting him to be here, his face was freshly stitched up by a med droid. “How are you doing?” He asked quietly as if we were trading secrets. “I’m fine,” i nodded and stabbed a pitiful vegetable with my fork. “You're tense again,” Kylo tried to lift his voice but we both know i wasn’t tense, i was suffering. “Yeah, just have a lot on my mind,” i sighed and i put my fork down. it was rare to see Kylo so raw, so human, much as i was now. “I’m sorry,” i said as i rubbed my forehead. “About what?” Kylo scoffed. “I disobeyed orders. They said not to go after her but i did, i dove head 1st into the fire,” i sighed heavily and i felt Kylo shift closer to me. it was the 1st time he was actually next to me. “Yeah, that was a pretty stupid decision but you made it thinking that it would do more good than bad,” Our voices were low. “Why are you here?” i spoke up, changing the subject. “I freed up some time so i could see you,” A small trace of a smile formed on his lips. “See me? I don’t want a pity party Kylo,” I grumbled. “it wasn’t meant that way, that was supposed to sound a lot kinder and romantic,” he glanced at me as we sat there, awkwardly. “So you finally figure out who i was talking about,”I perked up slightly. “you don’t give me enough credit, i am Kylo Ren. Master of the Knights of Ren,” He smirked playfully. “Ok, Mr. Master Knight, can you help me back to my quarters?” i finally looked up into his eyes. “Of course,” he smiled and planted a quick soft kiss on my cheek before he grabbed my hand, helping me up.

[main account: @jordon-heart ]

#Kylo #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren imagines #kylo ren fluff #first order #resistance #poe dameron #rey of jakku #romatic #fluffy #comfort #starwars #star wars the last jedi #The Force is Strong with this one #The Force Awakens

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tatooedlaura-blog · 7 years

Text

Advice

the series read as follows:

Superman … Monday … Cheezy Pouffs … Bacon … Stumbling … Trail Mix … Punch … Friday … Preparation … Uncle Mudler … Normal … Backseat … Mudler-sense … The FBI … Unthinkable … Patience … Elephant Jokes … Cooking … Rickety Tables … Mr. Skimmer … Bert and Ernie … Midnight Confessions … The Moon … Bright Sunshine … Graying Skies … Darkened Night … Possibilities … A Thing with You … Humming and Thrumming … Warped Cosmology ... The Madness of Punch

@today-in-fic

____________

Leaning, she let her heavy head loll forward onto her crossed arms, looking sideways at Maggie through wide-open eyes, “it’s taken me so long to get used to the idea of not having kids that I can’t let myself dwell on any type of ‘what-if’ and one night, I was stupid and let him and he pulled me in and I went blindly and willingly.” Growling into the tabletop, “it was just after everything, the day he kicked you out,” seeing Maggie nod, “and I had to autopsy three kids that day and the conversation snowballed and we were there … we were in that damn fantasy and I didn’t stop him fast enough and I lost it completely.”

“I’m sorry, honey.”

“What’s worse is he offered to pay for trying invitro and it’s all I can do to not think about it all day, every damn day.”

Maggie, not-so-famous Scully face scrunch of hard and fast thinking parking itself on her countenance for several long seconds, placed a hand on her daughter’s back and curving the other arm to the table, settled her own head down to look Scully in the eye, “then why don’t you do it?”

Those were the last six words she’d been expecting to hear, “what?”

“Why don’t you try it? Talk about it with Fox and then give it a chance.” She knew her child better than her child ever dreamed, “I think you have to.”

Whispering now, “what if it doesn’t work?”

“Then it doesn’t work. You know why this has been constantly on your mind? Because you want it to work and the only comfort you get is knowing it’s still a possibility out there in the universe. If you try and it fails, you don’t have that option. The problem is, it’s also your agony because you are scared that it will fail.” Hushing Scully just as she took a breath to protest, “remember, if you do it and it fails, you will have at least tried. You won’t have that ‘what-if’ as you called it to die over. You will be able to tell yourself you did everything you could and it wasn’t meant to be instead of ‘I can’t try it because it might not work’. ‘Might not’ and ‘what-if’ will damage you far more than anything else.”

Another hard sniff later, “I’ve had too much alcohol for this conversation.”

“Betty cut the recipe in half, you only had half a glass, you still have half of that half left and you filled the cup full of ice … you are more sober than I am and I could dance the tango on these crutches if necessary without missing a beat so no, you have not had too much alcohol for this conversation.” Thumbing towards the snoring Mulder, “he probably hasn’t either but he had a damn sight more than you.”

“Are you saying I should go in there and wake him up and tell him to get out his checkbook, we’re going to try to make a baby?”

Accepting the bluntness with the lateness of the hour, she nodded, “good in theory but probably best executed after he’s slept longer than 20 minutes and Betty’s concoction is fully out of his system.”

The world shifted upright again, balance achieved with motherly banter. Smiling, Scully sat back up, “are you tired?”

“Not really.”

“Would you like to go out and get another milkshake with me?”

Midnight ice cream solved all kinds of things and when it didn’t, it soothed the savage truth enough to let all parties concerned relax into quiet.

“New traditions are good so, yes, I would love to go for a milkshake with you.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Scully crawled in beside Mulder a little after 3am, milkshake turning into random talk of the universe with the owner of the all-night diner two neighborhoods over. Settling her head beside his, she kissed his cheek, breathing a hope to the night, her words of ‘I want to have a baby with you’ drifting via unconscious ear into the soul, a small smile creasing his face as he whispered a fast-asleep ‘I love you’ back.

5am, right on the nose, just as Scully was cruising to decent, deep sleep, eyeballs roaming as they surveyed her dreams, REM cycles rejuvenating body, mind, soul, tired limbs, scratchy throat, tensed muscles, he woke up.

And her with him, hands on arm, shaking her gently, “Scully … Scully … get up …”

Crackling a harsh groan into her pillow, she ignored him as best she could, turning her head, pushing her hand fruitlessly against him, squeezing her eyes shut tighter, desperate to return to dreamland right freaking now.

“Did you say last night that you wanted to have a kid with me?”

Seriously, how the hell did he do that? It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last that it took him two hours to two days to process something she said but right now, she wished he would be quiet and not too polite to tell him that, she followed up her ‘maybe’ with ‘now shut your eyes and go back to sleep before I smother you with a pillow’.

Whatever, he could take on a morning sleep-deprived Scully with hands tied behind his back and mouth full of crunchy peanut butter. Scooting closer, he lowered his voice, gentle movements and humming words in her ear, “wanna start right now?”

Okay, that got her, a surprise chuckle eliminating any hope of sleep for the moment, “I’d like to brush my teeth first, if that’s okay? Maybe not be in my mother’s house while she’s once again mobile and probably 12 feet away in the kitchen making breakfast as we speak.”

Smacking his lips together and tasting stale blue punch, “I agree on the whole teeth thing and raise you a glass of mouthwash. Why does Punch leave an aftertaste of dead cat and rotting tuna fish but taste so good going down?”

“I imagine if Betty ever told you, she’d then have to kill you and I’d prefer you not dead and all.”

Mulder dragged himself upright, then, discretely shifting jeans, shirt and scratching his head a few times before scrubbing his face awake, “you really did say that though, right? About having a baby?”

Stretching across the mattress, cat-like in her mewling sounds as she twisted joints and over-extended muscles to mush, “I heard your pie talk last night as did everyone else and you told them about how you were going to teach our daughter to cook.” Plowing through, even as she watched his face speed through several emotions, landing on nervously worried, sadly scared, “I thought too much, let that fucking one tear happen and mom saw it and we talked and she set me straight about a few things and yes, I really did say it and yes, I’m serious.”

“There was an inordinate amount of ‘ands’ in that sentence and how early can you call the doctor?”

Scully shut her eyes again, hand to her forehead, “can we maybe wait until the sun comes up, when doctors typically allow people to call them?”

Mulder, having had no idea it was seriously now only 5:10am, moved to sheepish and apologetic, “shit, I’m sorry. It feels later and so much has happened since we woke up, I lost track of time.”

Patting the mattress beside her, “would you just come back and lay down, please? I don’t think I’m going to fall back to sleep but let’s pretend, all right? Hide in the world of normal for awhile?”

He grinned, he flopped, he stared, first at her then when she swatted him, at the wall behind her head, “no more drinking. My boys need to be primed and sober and know which way to swim in the petri-dish. You’ll probably have to get the polyps taken care of before we do anything though ‘cause if it works, you probably shouldn’t be bleeding everywhere … although the sex won’t be as ‘vigorous’, can you hear the quotes, you still shouldn’t be bleeding everywhere regardless. Anesthetic isn’t good for a baby anyways so yeah, you’ll have to get that done first. I wonder what else I can do to give us better odds? Should I eat more kale or something, green things, spinach is healthy, right? I mean, it’s disgusting but I’ll eat it if it’ll …”

She shut him down with a hand over his mouth, muffling whatever inane sentences were to follow, “shhh. Just … shhhh, for now, okay? Can you promise to shhh because if you can’t, I’m going to kick you out and lock the door.”

The ‘yes, dear’ rang through her closed fingers and he went stealth, shutting his eyes and dreaming of alternate time-lined futures that may finally become reality while he listened to her breathing even out, her heartbeat under his fingers slowing as she slept.

#msr #wanna start right now #maggie #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #my writing #Life part 2 series

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marvelsquicksilver · 7 years

Note

I WANT FLUFF PLEASE, PURE STEVE ROGERS FLUFF

Here you bloody go, I wrote half of this whilst I was drunk and didn’t bothe proof reading so bloody ENJOY.

Word count: 1952

——

“Hey, are you there?”

My head snapped around from my book tocheck my radio on my bedside table—I wasn’t sure if I was hearing things or ifSteve Rogers was paging me at 3am in the morning.

“Hellllooooo,” the radio crackled again—Iwasn’t imagining it.

“Hello?” I answered quickly, my voicefilled with curiosity—what the hell did he want?

“I knew you’d be awake,” I couldpractically hear him smile down the line—I didn’t have to see him to know that hisstupid grin was plastered on his stupid face.

“Well yeah,” I rolled my eyes as I set downmy book, “I literally told you this morning that I haven’t been able to go tosleep before 5am.”

“Meet me in the stairwell of level 12,” Hecompletely ignored the fact that I’d outed him.

“What?!” Why the fuck did he want to meetin the damn stairwell? “Are you joking?” There was no way he was being serious.

“I’m being one hundred per cent serious,five minutes, I expect you there.”

“Jesus,” I huffed down the line, “way to bepushy, but yeah okay whatever, see you in five.” I rolled out of bed and shovedmyself into my dressing gown, praying that whatever he had in store for me wasworth leaving the comfort of my sheets.

–

“You better have a good reason for doingthis Rogers,” I said monotonously as trudged up the stair with him. I’d met himon level 12 like he’d requested and he’d graciously let me know that we’d bewalking up two more levels because our stupid elevator was down.

“Trust me,” he stopped in front of the doorto level 14, “You’re going to love it.” He pulled out a key from his backpocket and I wondered to myself why the door was locked in the first place.

“So,” he turned to me as he shoved the keyin, “this is where I come when I can’t sleep and I want to share it with you.”He opened the door slowly before standing aside so that I could make my waythrough.

“Uh—“ I could feel my throat run dry as Ilost all sense of how to speak. “Um, yeah okay.” I was so nervous, I’d neverhad anyone share their safe space with me before and I didn’t know how I wasgoing to cope.

My heart began to race as I made my wayinside—I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but it definitely hadn’t been anindoor garden. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Despite only being dimly lit bylanterns the garden was breath-taking. There were vines covering the walls,bushy ferns in the corners, garden beds filled with almost every flowerpossible and most importantly, there was a lily pond, right in the centre ofthe room.

“Holy shit Steve, this is beautiful.” Ijust couldn’t understand how what I was seeing managed to exist, how had he hadthe time?

“Your favourite flowers are lilies right?”He raised an eyebrow as he took my hand—I almost jolted away, I hadn’t beenexpecting it.

“Yeah, wait how do you know that?”

“What?” he said as he sat down on a smallbench in the middle of the room right next to the lily pond. “You think I don’tlisten to you when you ramble on in the kitchen?”

“Yeah!” I laughed lightly as I sat downbeside him, “No one ever listens to me when I ramble.”

“I listen,” he entwined his hand with mineagain and I gulped uncomfortably. “I know your favourite flowers are lilies,that you’re afraid of the dark AND the ocean. I know that your favourite bookis a tale of two cities and that you read it every night because you can’tsleep till early parts of the morning.” He used his free hand to nudge my facetowards his. “I know that when I wake up the first thing I think about is whatyour daily joke is going to be, I know I think about knocking on your doorevery night and asking you out to dinner—“

“You what?!” I didn’t think he realisedwhat he was saying, “Steve—“

“I’m being serious,” his thumb grazed overmy knuckles. “I’m not good at this whole dating thing you know?”

I nodded sincerely, he’d complained to meabout it a few times and I truly felt bad.

“But I want to try with you, honestly.”

“With me?” I swallowed the lump in mythroat. I’d never thought about Steve in that way. I mean I’d always thought hewas good looking, but I never considered dating him. It made me giddy to thinkthat someone actually listened to all the stupid things I had to say—everyoneelse just seemed to brush me off, Steve never had and I’d only just noticedthat.

“Yes,” he nodded, “with you.” He leanedover to fish out a lily from the pond. “So will you?” He held it out to me withthe most innocent eyes and I’d never been so mesmerised by a man before. I wasseeing someone in a whole new light and I honestly couldn’t believe I’d missedit.

I wasn’t sure completely, but the way hewas presenting himself made me want to try. “I mean,” I admired the flower fora second before plucking it gently from his hand. “There’s no harm in trying.”

“Perfect,” he grinned, “How about I pickyou up at 7pm tomorrow?”

“That sounds wonderful.”

–

Three knocks on the door let my nervousstomach know that Steve was at the door. 7pm had taken all day to arrive andI’d spent all morning feeling like I was going to be nervous.

“Hi,” I smiled as I opened the door to anervous looking Captain—who to my surprise was holding a bouquet of peonies.

“Hi,” he replied as he cracked his knucklesnervously. “I—um—got these for you.” He held out the flowers to me and Igraciously accepted them before planting a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you—I might start my own garden atthis rate.” I motioned for him to come inside as I trudged towards my shelvesso that I could locate a vase.

He let out a small laugh as he shoved hishands into the pockets of his black jeans. “Don’t think I’m helping, I’ve got awhole one of my own to look after and barely any time.”

I laughed—really laughed and I had no ideawhy, because his joke hadn’t been that funny. It was clear that things were changingand I wasn’t complaining, because I knew it was for the better.

“It’s okay I might just get Bucky to helpout,” I teased knowing he would hate it.

He scrunched up his face “I mean sure, goahead.”

“Stop it,” it was my turn to place anencouraging hand on his shoulder, usually that was his job.

“I won’t lie,” he smirked, “that made meslightly jealous.”

I laughed lightly “I could tell.”

“You know what,” he looked towards my TV,“how about we forget the dinner reservations, we’ll order some take away and wecan watch any show you want to.”

“You’re kidding, I would fucking lovethat.” I’d never felt so relieved in my life—I hated dates, the thought of themmade me nervous to the point where I was almost sick—I was surprised that Ihadn’t already vomited.

“Perfect,” he grinned as he walked towardsmy sofa. It was times like these I was thankful that Tony had given me a masterbedroom.

“Do you mind if I change?” I asked, alreadyunzipping my dress, not waiting for his answer.

“Sure,” he gulped.

I smiled to myself as I flung the dress Iwas wearing back into my cupboard—I knew he was watching me.

I pulled on an oversized t-shirt and mademy way over to the sofa.

“So,” I said as I plopped myself downbeside him “have you watched stranger things?”

“No,” he shook his head, “but people keeptelling me it’s good.”

“Wonderful,” I grabbed the remote frombeside me, “you’re about to be shown a masterpiece Rogers.”

–

I’d fallen asleep at about episode 5 ofseason 1—I assumed that all the wriggling Steve was doing was because he wastrying to regain feeling in his arm.

“Shit,” I recoiled, “I’m so sorry.” Trustme to have fallen asleep on my date.

“No!” he quickly stopped me, “it’s okay!”

“Are you enjoying it?” I smiled as I lookedtowards the TV. I’d already seen season 1 which was probably why I’d fallenasleep—that and the fact that I hadn’t had a good nights sleep, despite beingshown Steve’s beautiful garden.

“It’s good—but,” he placed his knuckleunder my chin and I felt a shiver run through my body. “I think I would ratherbe spending my time doing this—“ before I could gather what he meant, he wasalready crashing his lips against mine and boy I wasn’t complaining.

Everything about him was gentle and I justcouldn’t handle it—I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer,eliciting a groan from him as his threaded his fingers through my hair.

“Shit,” I moaned against his mouth as hedecided to act with more urgency. We were like hungry animals—Steve Rogers wassomething that had been in front of me for so long and I hadn’t known I’dneeded him until he was shoving his tongue down my throat.

“Please don’t rip my shirt off,” he joked—Ireally was tugging hard, my brain clearly didn’t understand he was already asclose as he could be.

“I’m so tempted to,” I tugged hard again, justto show him I meant it.

“I don’t have expendable funds to buy moreshirts to take you on dates—“ he breathed before placing a trail of kisses downmy neck.

“Oh my god,” I sucked in a breath, “do notfucking do that again or I’ll literally rip all your damn clothes off.”

“Oh?” he had the audacity to do it again,but ten times slower.

“That’s it—“ suddenly I was struggling hisbelt buckle, but he was pushing me away.

“No,” he scolded as he pulled away. “No,no.”

“Why not?” I really didn’t see why it was aproblem.

“I just—“ he turned away, “I’m sorry—shit,this is gonna sound so stupid, but I’d really just like to wait, I want this tomean more.”

I grabbed his hand, “stop it Steve, it’snot stupid at all, I get it I promise.”

“Yeah?” he turned back towards me.

“Yes.” I wrapped my pinky around his,“look, why don’t you sleep—we can finish the series tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a plan.” He pulled myhead towards him and planted a kiss against my forehead, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight Steven.” I stole a quick kissfrom his lips, my head feeling somewhat giddy at the fact that I was seeing himthe next day.

“Oh wait,” he fished for something in hispocket and finally picked out a key. “This is for you,” he held it out to me, “yourpersonal key to the garden for when you can’t sleep.”

Attached to the key was a small lily keyring and I swear I felt like crying.

“Get out,” I scolded as I grabbed the key, “hurrybefore I kiss you again.”

He let out a loud laugh, “goodnight, I’llsee you tomorrow.”

#Steve Rogers #captain america #captain america oneshot #captain america x reader #captain america fanfiction #captain america x ofc #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x ofc #FLUFFFFFFFY #FLUFF HEHE #steve rogers fluff #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel oneshot #fluff

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harryff · 7 years

Text

Chapter 2 Aria Part 1.

Trigger warning: Sexual assault, domestic abuse. Please call the 1−800−799−7233 if you have suffered from any abuse.

In the next upcoming months Aria and Harry reconnected. Her album was to be released soon but she longed to go back to the days she sang background for the band.

Laying in bed she remembered the day Liam and Harry got into a fight over whose part she will sing along with and somehow she managed to appease them both. It was the first time Harry truly noticed her as he tells it to people.

It was currently 10pm in New York which meant it was 3am in Manchester where Harry was working on his album. Aria was supposed to be asleep instead her mind raced filled with anxiety she couldn’t relax instead her thoughts took her to the worst possible outcomes for performance the next day. To help pass time she texted him

Aria: I miss you big head lol😚😙😋

Aria: I can’t sleep😣😣😓😓☹

Aria: I wish I could call you but you’re sleeping beauty and you definitely need 6 hours of sleep at least or youll be evil lol 😴😴😴

Aria: Remember the time i made you stay up for 24 hours and you were grumpy the whole day and I had to make it up 😉😂

Aria: I have to perform tomorrow. I don’t want to. I’d much rather go back to the good old days where no one knew I existed

Aria: I still laugh at the memories of you falling on stage…. clumsy prince

Aria: I’m gonna have diarrhea tomorrow theres no way I’m gonna survive

Aria: Sorry TMI 🙊

Aria: Since I cant bug you you’ll wake up to like 20 texts. 😜

Aria: she sent picture of her sleeping with the teddy bear he got her 2 years ago

Aria: Me and Mr. H miss you

Aria: I had to give him surgery awhile back. Roxy the little shit ripped his eye out. I almost cried 😢😢😢

Aria: Imagine me a grown woman crying over a stuffed animal. 😂😭😭😭

Aria: I went into panic mode!! That was not a contingency I planned for she just bit his eye and yanked it out! Then she starts running with it! In her mouth! Chewing it! I never truly knew what panic was till that moment!😲😲😲

Aria: Damn dog😒😒😒

Aria: Arent you supposed to be up running? It’s 3

Aria: I miss you again

Aria: I don’t want to perform Harry

Aria: Will you be disappointed in me if I quit?

Aria: Will you call when you wake up?

When Harry woke up at 5am his time he read the texts laughing she was definitely panicking her nerves were getting to her because she was a chatter box.

He called her via Skype

Her computer facing her she raised up hearing the call she clicked the mouse before falling back in bed.

“Aria” he said watching her move around

“Yes”

“I see Roxy is around Mr.H” he said noticing the dog by her side

“Yes she was on 1 month probation after she did that”

He chuckled

“It’s not funny” she said sitting up

“Yeh ok?”

“No” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll do good!”

“I don’t like performing in front of people”

“Yeh did when we went on tour”

“Yes but no one knew it was me”

He sighed

“I have to perform for the executives at 9. Practiced my ranges��

“Don’t strain your voice”

“I know… what are you doing today besides calming my nerves”

“Just tha'nd recording”

“You’re working on your 3rd album?”

“Yes”

She smiled “you have great bed head”

He laughed “are yeh not sleepy?”

“I am I keep jerking in my sleep”

“Just relax poppet”

“I’m trying”

“I have to go for my run”

“Ok i’ll call you when I get done”

“Ok” he said blowing a kiss

She caught it.

Harry: How’d it go? He asked when she didn’t call by the end of the day he wondered how things went

Aria: 😭😭😭😭😭😖😓

Harry called her

Harry: Pick up poppet

Aria: No 😭😢

Harry: howd it go

Aria: ‘need more practice’

Aria: Tommy said ‘on a scale of 1-10. 1 being pretty bad and 10 being the worst performance ever that was a 7.’ 😭😭😭 I can’t do this

Harry:😒😒 drop him he’s a shitty manager

Harry: Pick up poppet please

She took a deep breath before answering his call

“Hey” she said

“Where are you?”

“At home” her voice broke

“Aww pet”

“I can’t do this Harry”

“I think yeh need another manager”

She sniffed “I wish you were here”

“I’ll be there soon pet”

She remained silent

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“My voice shook the whole time….sang off key sounded like shit”

“It’s alright Aria”

“It’s not,” her voice was soft. “I’m not made for this.”

“Aria yeh are” he stressed

She sighed “how was your day”

“It was wonderful recorded 3 songs”

“Good”

“My album is done will you listen to it?”

He paused “i don’ kno’ if i should.” He was hesitant. In the past she depended so much on his opinion he got frustrated with the search of approval from him.

“Ok fair enough i’ll have Mr. H listen to it”

He remained silent

“Maybe i can do like a Sia thing but cover my whole body be in dungeon somewhere”

He was still quiet

“Ok Harry good night.” She said ending the call. She knew him too well he was asleep.

As she sat aimlessly looking at the ceiling she contemplated all the different things she could do to put an end to her contract. Get sick with a virus, purposely damage her larynx, car accident etc. When Harry awoke at 3am his time he called her she stared at the phone contemplating whether she would swipe right or left. The screen went dark she thanked the gods for not making her make that decision.

At 10 in the morning she found herself in the studio listening to Thomas or Tommy berate her

“ARIA! Im talking to you!” he said snapping her out of her thoughts

“Sorry” she cowered away

“WHY” he paused “why didn’t you perform like you did in this video? you were so good then what is it now?” he was showing her a video of her singing at a local jazz bar. There were only 10 people, people she would never meet this was different this was executives and produces people who had the power to build or destroy her career with one move.

“I dont know im just nervous”

“ABOUT WHAT? WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO GET YOU TO NOT BE NERVOUS? SO WHAT ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT NOW?

“EVERYTHING!” She argued back before looking at her phone Harry had called her 5 times already.

Harry: Aria are you ok ive called you multiple times

She recorded Tommy

He hit the wall beside her “YO YOU A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT IT’S A WASTE OF TALENT YOU HAVE. I GOT A 10 YEAR OLD WHO WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR SPOT!” He walked away from her “…SO YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA LET SOME 10 YEAR OLD OUT DO YOU? DO WE NEED TO MAKE YOU SING NAKED NEXT TIME?”

She spoke softly “Im sorry I can’t Tommy”

“DONT TOMMY ME! TELL ME YOU CANT! YOU JUST DONT WANT TO! YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED FOR YOU! YOU OWE ME THIS!”

She sat silently and hit the send button

Harry: get up and walk away. He texted feeling his anger rise if he was there his fist would be connecting with Tommy’s jaw

Aria: I cant

Harry: Aria get up and walk away

Aria: he’s blocking the door.

She remained quiet waiting for the vent session to be over.

“You have a show tomorrow Chicago Bulls so get ready. Ya ass aint making a fool out of me again” She nodded leaving the studio. She ignored Harry for the rest of the day working on her vocals. She sat at home working on her ranges.

“You sound good Ria” her grandmother said cooking

“Thanks Grandma”

“Whats wrong?” she noticed her behavior

“Tommy screamed at me… told me lots of things i was an embarrassment to him… grandma i don’t know if i can do this”

“Youre too good dont let him ruin you!”

“I know”

Her phone lit up it was Harry texting her.

Harry: can you call me please

She stood up and went to her room to call him

“Aria” he said looking at her on the camera

“Hey” she said getting comfortable on the bed. Her eyes were puffy her nose was red. “How was your day?”

“Good.. are yeh ok?”

“I’m ok” she sighed

“Wha’ happened with Tommy”

“Have to perform tomorrow”

He tilted his head in confusion

“Yea”

“Don’ wan yeh to be sad pet”

“I’m ok Harry. Me and Mr. H will be tough” she joked

He chuckled “I’ll be there soon so save some luvin for me yea?” “No you dont get any”

“Wha’? Why?” he smiled

“Well see me and Mr. H have a bond even you can’t break. I have been there with him through thick and thin” her eyes welled up “and he wont” her voice started to break “and he wont let me down and i won’t do the same to him… sorry i dont mean to cry”

“Aria dont cry pet”

She chuckled wiping her tears “I don’t even know why im crying Harry thats the problem. With Mr. H i know i cant let him down"

“You never let me down" he spoke softly

“I have, i know that, but im trying not to.”

He sighed not knowing what to say. She was always too hard on herself. Her worst critic never letting up on her imperfections. “ ‘M gonna go to bed” he mumbled

“K good night” she said before ending the call

The next day she walked onto the court her hands shaking getting ready to sing the national anthem. Tommy had softened his tone but his words were still harsh. She found herself panicking 30 minutes prior, hunched over with a paper bag to her mouth. The cameras flashed she brought the microphone to her mouth. She closed her eyes imagined she was at home. When the song was done people jumped to their feet cheering her on. She thanked them and rushed off court. It was one of her best performances.

“WHOO!“ Tommy cheered “THAT WAS IT! THAT’S WHAT YOU DO!… You sounded so good. Thats what you do in front of the execs don’t worry about them you got this Aria!”

She smiled taking a deep breath in she wanted to leave there was no celebration for her this only meant the inevitable an album release and a music career.

“Thanks Tommy can i go home now?”

“Nah lets go party!” “I really dont want to”

“Look its for your image just one drink” he begged

“Ok” she sighed as they made their way to club she texted Harry

Aria: I think i did ok everyone is happy

Aria: Going to the club with Tommy

Aria: Text you when i get home

It was supposed to be the club but they pulled up to his house, there was a party going on

“Tommy i thought you said club” she said giving him a look

“I know but house parties are fun!”

She shook her head this was her first time in his house “I’m not”

“Please just one drink you promised”

“Fine one drink and i’m done”

An hour passed one drink turned to two and two turned to three she thought. Her head was spinning, Tommy was being too friendly, he was groping her in places he shouldn’t have. When she tried to leave his grip on her wrist tightened when she fought back he put her arm behind her making her face the crowd as he dry humped her from behind. When he dragged her to the bathroom she used the opportunity to escape.

“Come on!” he stressed in a playful tone licking her neck forcing her against the wall

“No stop” she said weak from the concoction she was never a light weight so this was not the norm for her He hit her thigh “I said come on!” his thigh wedged between hers his tone changed he was being forceful

“Stop Tommy” she tried to fight him off

He held her hands above her with one hand while the other groped her body “You know you want this dick, Harry can’t do you like me”

“Please” she begun to cry she was too weak

Abruptly the door swung open. The man looked at Aria’s face “Yooo chill!”

“I’m not doing nothing” he said stepping away from her with his hands up

She quickly maneuvered from him he reached out for her but her arms were too quick on her way out she fell to the floor. Only managing to stand up and rush up the steps she found a room and locked herself in it. Quickly she dialed Harry’s number forgetting he wasn’t in the US, when she remembered she called her grandmother

“Aria do you know what time it is? im asleep!”

“Grandma please come get me” she sobbed on the phone

“Whats wrong?” she sensed the urgency

“He almost raped me i dont know whats wrong with me”

“You stay there i’m calling the cops”

“NO! please”

“Where are you?”

“Tommy’s house on 3rd bellavue house with all the cars”

“Stay where you are I’m coming!”

It felt like eternity waiting for her grandmother. She was finding herself waking up from an unconscious ous state every 5 minutes. She was fighting to stay awake. Her phone rang 4 times before she awoke

“Hello? Hello? Aria!?”

“….Grandma?”

“Where are you? You tell me now or i’m coming in with my shot gun!”

“I’m coming don’t” she said weak

Slowly she stood up her legs felt like jello, she opened the door and walked to the staircase held onto the railing with a death grip the party was dying down. She saw him at the corner of her eye he was mingling slowly she walked down the steps trying her best to not draw any attention to herself. When she got to the bottom of the stairwell. The door seemed so far away there were so many people in the way she tried to quickly move around them

“Aria? Is that you?” she heard his voice

“ARIA! I’m calling you!” fear took over she was pushing people out of the way, when she reached the door she opened it and collapsed her grandmother already standing outside her car ran towards her

“Aria” he spoke in her ear as pulled her up. She winced away

“YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” her grandmother threatened

“I’m just trying to help her out”

“YOU TOUCH HER I’LL BLOW YOUR WHOLE FACE OFF!”

His temper rose “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OLD BITCH!” “I GOT YOUR BITCH TOUCH HER AGAIN AND YOU WON’T HAVE A DICK” She whimpered standing up

“Aria are you ok?” she spoke to her helping her up

She limped to the car her ankle sprained

When they got to the house it took her grandmother 10 minutes to wake her up

“Oh thank God! Aria what did you drink?”

“I don’t know” she said turning her head away from her

“Let’s get you in the house”

She slumped on the couch her grandmother close by the whole night.

The next morning she woke up with a splitting migraine confused about what happened

She groaned her memory was hazy, she remembered drinking a blue motorcycle and Tommy being aggressive she remembered him walking her to the bathroom his smile on his face his eyes telling her something else

“Oh mi nieta you’re awake!”

Her voice raspy “Grandma what happened?”

“Thomas tried to rape you!��

She thought “No… what?”

“Aria you called me you couldn’t even stand! you need to call the cops i think you were drugged”

“He what?” she sat up needing to piece things together

She picked up her phone there were texts from Tommy

Tommy: i hope you had fun i had too much to drink

Tommy: im sorry about what i did I love you😗 Aria i would never hurt you i was just fucked up Tommy: shit you were too,

Tommy: grinding on me i miss read the signals, you know that right? You know how i get when im fucked up

Tommy: tell your g ma to chill i was fucked up too shit you were too

Tommy: call me when you get this

Miranda: 😁😀YAY bestfriend you did good!

Her mind tried to remember what happened but it couldn’t dnt her wrist was bruised, she rubbed it to sooth the pain.

“Aria you need to call the cops!”

She shook her head “I don’t”

“Well freshen up clear your head”

“How’d i get home?” she looked around

“I came to get you! that rapist was trying to pull you back in”

She stood up and fell to the ground

“Ahh!” She grimaced grabbing her swollen ankle

“I think you sprained it” her grandmother picked up her foot “here put it up let me get some ice”

In the bathroom she undressed she noticed bruises on her neck, her thighs and knees when the skirt fell she covered herself with her hands, she had no underwear, she could not remember what happened to it. In shower she tried the best she could to remember she couldn’t. But she also knew something wasn’t right. she scrubbed hard feeling dirty. She felt a sick feeling from the pit of her stomach she hunched over unable to stop it. She vomited.

In her sleep it came to her in a flash

She saw herself drinking her drink.That nauseous feeling intensified

“I gotta go I don’t feel good.” she steadied herself by holding his shoulders

“No stay” he rubbed her sides

She shook her head “I’m leaving”

“I said stay” he insisted pulling her back, her back to him he breathed on her neck. She moved her neck away “Mmmm you have a nice ass” he said before smacking it

She shot up in cold sweats her head pounding was it true? Did he really do that?

She looked at her phone there were texts from Harry. He sent her a screenshot from the tabloid the caption “Looks like you and Thomas had fun, you did great! I watched it! what a way to celebrate😂😋” the picture her hair on her face with one arm behind it looked like they were in the middle of a dance. Her wrist ached as if it had a memory of the pain that was inflicted upon it. Harry was oblivious to the dark truth. feeling nauseous she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Rising slowly she cried looking at herself in the mirror.She blamed herself she should have known better. She should have been more careful.

Picking up her phone there was another message from Harry

Miranda: Bitch call me you look lit😂😜

Miranda: Umm that picture doesnt look right call me 🙁😕😞

Harry: call me when you wake up pet I miss your voice😗.

She snatched her laptop from the floor quickly she searched flights to Manchester leaving the next day. She was willing to pay any price once she got the confirmation email she hopped off the bed and three clothes into her suitcase

Her grandmother walked into her room “Where you going you can’t leave!”

“Manchester”

“Are you going to tell him

“I can’t even remember what happened! if it happened will he believe me?”

“Aria he can’t get away with what he did! now I don’t know how the music industry works but that man cant walk away from what he did to you!”

“I know mimi”

“So call the cops”

“I..” she looked to the bathroom

Her grandmother stressed her point “tell him.. Harry will know what to do…. have you talked to him?”

She shook her head

“I’m not going to let this go”

“I know”

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding”

“Well relax I will finish packing for you”

The next day she found herself in Chicago O’hare limping around she hadn’t told Harry about her plan to stop by.

Tommy: You haven’t called are you ok

Tommy: just call me or send a text to tell me your ok

She felt sick looking at the texts holding onto Mr.H she walked around till her flight departure time. When she landed at 2pm she made a beeline for his condo.

She knocked in the door she quickly wiped away her tears

“Yea yea!” she heard his voice through the door

He stood confused for a second before his face lit up

“Poppet! Wha’re yeh doing here?“ he asked lifting her into a tight embrace

“I missed you” she confessed

“Yeh should have told me!”

“I just did!” she said forcing a smile

He leaned down to kiss her she could only manage a few kisses it was killing her.

“What do I owe this delightful surprise?” she shrugged walking in

“Hey” she greeted his band

“ARIAAA!”

She smiled

“Yeh should have told me really” he said pulling her down on his lap. “ ‘M flying to London tomorrow family time”

“Oh” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll come with me?”

She nodded

“Wha’ happened to your foot?” Weezer asked

“I fell... heels”

“All that partying yeh ‘nd Thomas did” Harry commented “yeh never texted by the way”

She swallowed hard smiling at him “sorry forgot”

He raised his eyebrow

“So what are you up to today?” she asked

“Last recording session are yeh ok?” he noted her pale complexion

“Yea, just cold”

“Yea we gotta go mate” Stevie said noticing the time

“Oh shit! Yeh want to come?” he said standing up

She shook her head

“Jet lag?”

She nodded

He leaned down placing his forehead on heres “Ok well yeh kno’ where the food is. Don' eat all my bananas. I’ll be back ok?”

She forced a smile fighting the tears “yes”

“Are yeh sure you’re ok?”

She hated that he could read her like an open book

“Yes” she said kissing him

“One more” he said biting his lip

She wrapped her arm around his neck. It took all the energy she had to put passion into the kiss

“Oi! we gotta go.” Stevie said

As the day turned to night she sat crying on the couch. She checked her emails wanting to tell her grandmother she was safe. Her heart dropped seeing Tommy’s name on the list she hesitated to open it. When she did it was a picture of her in the airport the title read Aria party girl rushed to Manchester to see Harry. The caption read Rumor is he called her screaming mad about the picture of her and manager Tommy G. His email: Im fucking calling you and you in UK? We got sessions you better be back by Tuesday. She felt sick to her stomach they couldn’t be more wrong. Sleep finally seeped in after hours of laying awake. Her memory flashed through her dreams

“Come on” he says grabbing her hand he had a goofy smile on his face pulling her towards the dance floor

“No Tommy” she tries to resist

He pulled harder making her collapse into him “damn baby! I didn’t know you wanted it like that?” he chuckled

“Stop” she pushes away from him

His hands grab her ass he is holding her in place as he rubs his nose on her neck “you gonna feel so good on my dick”

She sat up immediately tears flooded out of her eyes this couldn’t be happening she thought. She got off the couch and went to lay in bed. A migraine already thumping through her brain she lay in bed when she heard the door open she turned on her side pretending to be asleep.

Harry quietly took of his clothes and retreated to the bathroom. She could hear him humming behind the water. When he got in bed he cradled behind her kissing her cheek before falling asleep. As she begun to get sleepy she prayed she wouldn’t wake up from a nightmare. In the morning her prayers were answered she softly got out of bed and got ready. Harry woke up an hour later.

“Wha’ do yeh want for breakfast pet?”

“Nothing this is fine”

“ ‘Re yeh sure? you’ve been pushing around the cereal for 5 minutes” she was in a daze she didn’t notice

She shook her head “it’s fine I promise” she lied

He grabbed her hand “Ok are yeh sure? cuz i’ll get yeh anything yeh want”

“I promise” she said forcing the spoon in her mouth.

When they got to his mother’s house she was greeted with love

“Aria come in we have missed yeh oh I always knew yeh two would get back together!” Anne hugged her

She smiled

“Aria!” Gemma greeted her “finally someone we like… no love”

“When are yeh goin to marry her Harry?”Anne asked

“Oh muuum” he fussed

“ ‘M just saying she took yeh back it’s a sign”

Gemma chimed in “Yea no one wants yeh but her so yeh need to be in your knees”

“These’re strangers not my family I don’ kno’ wha’ alien planet they come from” he joked causing them to laugh

Gemma grabbed her hand dragging her away from Harry “We have to catch up that dress at the wedding to die for where did you get it?”

“Michael Castello designed it”

There was a lot of catching up to do which Aria gladly agreed to do anything to take her mind off that night

At dinner she sat once again pushing her food

“Do yeh want something else?” Harry whispered

“No!” she got scared “this is fine!” she put a mouthful in her mouth

He gave a look she was definitely being strange. She had no appetite there was a raging migraine she was trying to calm down. After yawns went around the room after dinner every one retreated to their rooms

“Ok off it pet what’s the problem?” He asked while they lay in bed. He was trying to find out what was wrong with her

She spoke softly “Nothing”

“No there’s something big show comin’ up?”

“No just thinking”

“About?”

She shook her head and smiled

“Yeh don’ wan’ to talk ‘bout it?”

She shook her head

“Ok” he looked down at her holding Mr.H “You’ve been holding him awfully tight can’ yeh hold me like tha’ too?” He joked

“No you might break” she teased

“Wha’?”

“You might break” she held back her smile

“Are yeh saying I’m weak?” He asked towering her

“……..Yes”

“Yeh wanna test tha’ theory?” he asked before kissing her deeply his kisses made her forget momentarily but when he started grabbing her thighs and kissing her neck is when her mind refused to let it go. She froze eyes shut tight. He noticed the tension in her body he raised up to look at her

“Aria wha’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“You’re stiff as a board look at me” she opened her eyes “wha’s wrong?”

She sighed “I can’t…. not tonight”

He huffed “ok” he gave her sweet kisses

“Sorry”

“Don’ be luv is just sex… I can take care of myself” he said winking

She giggled “Perv”

“Hey only for yeh”

“I guess I should feel special”

At night her prayers were not answered. Her mind took her back to that night

She looks around people are dancing she doesn’t know where she’s going but Tommy is pulling her towards it.The bathroom door is kicked open and he pushes her inside

“Stop it Tommy” she says trying to walk passed him. He closes the door with his foot. He charges towards her stuffing his tongue in her mouth. She pushes him away and slaps him. His hand is immediately around her neck his eyes cold and dark he pushes her against the wall. “bitch ill kill you matter of fact” his other hand loosens his belt

“please” she begs clawing at his arm he pulls out his penis, "you know you want this dick" he jams his knee into her thighs forcing them open. “shut up.” He reaches up her skirt to rip off her underwear. He pulls hard making her body jerk forward before the fabric gives way. "Harry cant do you like me" He gets closer kissing her neck she tries pushing him off he places both arms above her head holding them by the hands he reaches between her thighs she’s crying “please” she begs. He stops and looks at her he licks his hand before he palms her vagina. He moans “you wet already, just how i like it”

She shot up from her sleep in a cold sweat immediately she ran to the toilet a violent vomiting spree was to begin.

Harry groaned “Aria?” he turned to his side to confirm she wasn’t there

“Aria” he called sitting up hearing the vile noise. Slowly he got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. He knelt down beside her rubbing her back

“Something yeh ate?” he offers explanation

She nods in agreement

When she’s done her hands are shaking she can barely wash her face. She was pale as if she saw a ghost

“Wha’s wrong?” he asked noticing her expression

She turned around with tears in her eyes if he only knew

“Shhh it was just a dream” he sooths her hugging her tight.

But it wasn’t was it? Tommy really did those things. The reality was setting in.

In the morning she continues to rub Harry’s arm unable to fall asleep she lay awake against his chest

During breakfast she checked her phone

Tommy: Where the fuck are you at

Tommy: you think it’s funny you fucking with my career

Aria: I need more time please

Miranda: so you really gonna ignore me your bff?

Mimi(grandmother): Aria have you told him

Aria: Not yet I will soon I promise

As Gemma and Aria shopped around she tried her best to act natural.

“Are yeh ok?” Gemma asked during lunch Aria even though trying her best was very distant

“Yea!” she said putting on a happy face

“Sure? yeh look pale”

She smiled “Yea lack of sun” she joked

“Tell Harry he owes you a vacation”

She smiled Gemma her biggest advocate always made Harry go out of his way for her “Only if you come too!”

“You know it!”

As the day wound down she hopped the night would be gentle on her she couldn’t wake up from another nightmare.

“Did you see this?” Harry laughed showing her a picture of her crawling up the stairs. Who would possibly take that picture and furthermore insinuate she was going to have sex with Tommy?

She smiled

“Yeh were having fun weren’t yeh?”

She remained silent

“But ’m glad yeh ‘nd Tommy handled your differences” he said falling asleep

She melted into his chest not wanting to remember anything

The next day she Aria, Anne, and Gemma decided to clean up then treat themselves to dinner. She got multiple texts during the day. People were asking her about the picture.

Miranda: uh you need to call me NOW! i know your ass didnt fuck tommy

Miranda: you disappeared to Manchester whats up☹

Miranda: ARIA what did Tommy do to you? Why did Mimi call me crying???😭😭

Aria: i can’t talk about it Miranda, not now

Mimi: have you told him

Aria: not yet Mimi

Mimi: im not playing do it or I will

Aria: ok ok

~With Harry~

“Whoa Harry have you seen this?” Weezer asked

“Wha’?”

“Look” he looked at the heading Tommy G accused of sexual assault 2 victims have come forward the caption: ‘Both victims claim it happened in his house we will keep you posted’

He frowned “he didn't” he paused to think remembering the dirty glances he gave women

“I gotta find out more” Weezer said scrolling through his phone

As the day went on he couldn’t help but think about it. It gnawed at him this was her manager, someone who was close to her.

“Oh shit! Now they are saying one of the girls was assaulted the night he partied with Aria”

Harry tried to shake it off. “no he couln’ have”

Stevie rushed to him“Harry have you seen?”

“Yea” not wanting to be bothered by it

“No look!” Stevie said shoving the phone at him

Harry looked at him before grabbing the phone he read the words ‘A witness has stepped forward caught him in the act.’ As he read the details his heart rate picked up ‘…. walked in on him with his female artist.’ Tommy only managed Aria and another female artist who was absent that night

“Have yeh talked to Aria maybe its someone else” they tried to reason

“Did she tell you anything?” Gigi asked

He looked at them “no she would tell me”

When the day ended even Gemma got notifications on social media people were tagging her on the posts. Aria’s phone was buzzing nonstop.

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: dont ignore me im your best friend,…. thunder buddies for life

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: did it happen?

“Aria wha’s this?” Gemma asked showing her the article. Her heart sank reading the article Tommy was getting charged with sexual assault. Two victims identified one had yet to come forward. She was the remaining piece.

She shook her head “its nothing”

“They’re saying you’re the other woman is it true?”

“Other woman for what?” Anne asked taking the phone from Gemma’s hand

As Harry rushed to his mother’s house he thought to himself those pictures that were taken, she did look uncomfortable in Tommy’s embrace. The bruised wrist she explained away seemed to be the one he was holding behind her back. She also never got that drunk in public so it was strange that she got that drunk, even when she got drunk she was never that sloppy, falling all over the place hair in her face.

As Aria tried to convince Gemma and Anne that wasn’t her her phone lit up

Miranda: Shit is hitting the fan I hope you told him

Tommy: you bitch

Mimi: hope you told him

Aria felt her breathing hitch

“Aria this sounds like yeh!” Gemma said reading more articles

“It’s not” she whispered

Harry rushed through the kitchen door he walked in “Aria” he called

She smiled at him but stopped soon after his face was one she couldnt read ”….yes” she answered warily

“Yeh promise to tell me the truth?” it was supposed to be a statement but came out as a question

“Yes anything” she half smiled

“Wha’s wrong Harold?” his mother asked noticing his expression

He paused before speaking standing across from her. His eyes burrowing into her soul. “Wha’ happened that night at Tommy’s house?”

She looked down. Her nightmare was coming to life. It seemed forever when she heard her name being called.

“Aria” Harry called his eyes were becoming more bewildered by the second, her silence was confirming his gut instincts. She looked up at him before looking down. Pulling at her sleeves occupying her hands. She was losing the battle on holding back her tears. It wasn’t long before he called again.

“Aria… I asked yeh a question” his voice assertive he walked closer to her searching for her eyes. His breathing uneven. He needed her to tell him nothing happened. Everyone was looking at her waiting for an answer.

“ARIA!” he screamed in frustration. He startled them.

“Oi! Wha’s going on in here?” His dad asked walking in

The tears won they poured out of her eyes

“Aria tell me wha’ happened!” anger spewed in his voice

“Harold!” his mother scolded in a whisper

“Oh my god!” Gemma said in shock

The whole room came to the realization something dark happened that night. Her behavior made sense now the lack of appetite,the pale look on her face, the vomiting, the insomnia, the night mares.

“Aria” he whispered she had yet to speak. He needed her to say it was a joke. That there was no way it happened.

She looked up at him with tears rolling down her face, her hands were shaking pulling on her sleeve “please don’t make me go back to that night” she spoke softly

“Oh!” Anne grabbed her chest “yeh poor thing” Anne immediately rushed to her side and held her in a tight embrace.

“Harry he didn’…. did he?” Gemma looked at him hoping he could offer up a reason

He squatted down. Holding his head. There were no longer butterflies in his stomach from fear of the truth. Fear was replaced with anger which started from his chest and radiated out “ ’M GONNA KILL HIM!” He said standing up

“Oi! Stop that!”

“Dad not right now!” He paced the floor “…. That BASTARD put his hands on yeh? im going to kill him!

“CALM DOWN HAROLD!” His father said grabbing his shoulders

Aria sobbed in the background. He should have known something was wrong. Her eyes told him something was wrong they were filled with sorrow. He pushed passed his father going outside.

“Oi! come back’ere!” His father chased after him

Gemma knelt down next to her crying and hugging her “Im so sorry Aria”

#harry styles #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #1d fan fiction #1d fanfic #1dff #1direction #one direction fan fiction #one direction fic #one direction fluff #one direction fanfiction #one direction

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surveysonfleek · 7 years

Text

447.

Do you wear a ring on your finger? nope.

What are you doing? just this.

Do you like the song ‘I Kissed A Girl’ by Katy Perry? i used to but it got overplayed.

Do you listen to your friends’ advice when they give it to you? i’ll always listen, weigh up my options and go from there.

What’s the last kind of soup you ate? vietnamese chicken broth.

Do you currently have a sunburn? nope.

Could you eat nothing but grilled cheese for a week straight? hell no. i love them but i’d get sick of it by the second day.

What are you listening to right now? the rain outside.

Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? it’s already pierced.

Can you trust most people? nope.

Has anyone hurt or betrayed you recently? no.

Is your last ex still someone you care about? no.

Do you still have feelings for your ex? no.

Are you someone’s best friend? yes!

Biggest annoyance in your life right now? work.

Have you spoken to your mother today? yes.

Do you have any tattoos/piercings? ears and nose are pierced, no tatts.

Latest you stayed up in the past week? 5am.

Be honest, do you miss anyone? yes.

Anything bothering you at the moment? not really.

What are your plans for tonight? going out with my boyfriend.

Will tomorrow be better than today? yeah.

Are you the youngest person living in your house? no.

How was last night? boring. i had work.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? yes.

Do you ever think “what if” about anything? sometimes.

Where is your phone right now? next to me.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? yes.

When was the last time you cried? And why? i was frustrated a couple days ago.

How’s your week been? i’m glad my week is over.

Who did you last text? my boyfriend.

Who’d you last call? About what? i forgot.

Is there someone who you instantly smile when you receive a message from? not smile but i get happy i guess.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? not really unless it’s my bofyriend.

When did you last eat pizza? today.

Are you currently frustrated with someone? no.

Do you tend to make things complicated? no. well, sometimes.

Do you like your hair? it’s fine when it cooperates.

Is there a girl you absolutely can not stand? yes.

Have you graduated from high school? yes.

Has anyone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? no.

Do you ever leave the house without make up on? yeah for grocery shopping and stuff.

Do you expect to be married in the next two years? no.

Did you receive a good morning text today? no.

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? no.

What’s most important in a relationship: honesty or trust? tbh they work hand in hand, but trust i guess.

Do you like to cuddle? yes.

What time did you wake up this morning? 10am.

The last person you kissed calls you, what are they calling for? idk, maybe they can’t sleep.

What are you planning on doing after this survey? idk yet.

Is your ”love life” complicated? no.

What ruined your day today? having to go to work.

Is any part of you sad at all? no.

If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret which would you chose? money.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? here.

Name the person that has honestly hurt you the most in life? idk.

What is the last thing you said aloud? bye.

What were you doing at 8 am this morning? sleeping.

The last person you kissed, is he/she single now? no.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? thousands of times, easily.

Think back to the person you fell hardest for, do you still feel that way? yes.

Have you kissed anyone with a tattoo before? no.

Is there someone you’d like to hug right now? yes.

Why aren’t you in bed? i’m in bed.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? chill, enjoy the day off and go out at night.

What is on your mind right now? nothing.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? no.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? yes.

Is the last person you kissed more than 2 years older than you? no.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? yes.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? if i’m comfortable with someone i’ll talk about it.

Honestly if you could go back 9 months and change something, would you? no.

When is the next time you will kiss someone? tomorrow.

Are you single? no.

So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM, do you let them in? of course.

Are you dating the last person you talked to? yes.

Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? yes.

Do you know anyone whose birthday is tomorrow? nope.

Who was the last person that apologized to you? i forgot.

Are you afraid of falling in love? i’m already in love.

Does it bother you when people smoke around you? nah.

How many people have you kissed whose name started with an M? none.

Ever kissed a smoker? yes.

Honestly - have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? no.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? oldest.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? no.

Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl? no.

Have you ever kissed someone who was over 21? yes.

How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 27.

Will you have sex tonight? yes.

Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it ended? no.

Your last kiss probably meant nothing to you, right? it meant something.

Do you love where you live? i like it.

Last person you were on the phone with for more than 20 minutes? does skype count? it was with my team during my internship.

Can you get over people easily? kinda.

Would you go out in public looking like you do now? noo.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? i forgot, even the tag at the nape is gone.

Does your ex miss you? no.

If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing? yes.

Did you sleep alone last night? yes.

Has anyone ever sang to you? yes.

Is there anyone who doesn’t like you because of something you didn’t do? umm probably not haha.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? yes.

How was your weekend? uneventful.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober.

Do you think that you’re a good person? for the most part.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? yes.

How do you feel right now? tired.

If you could seek revenge on someone would you? no.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? my feet.

Do you like your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend? that would be me lol.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? yes.

Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater? in my mind, yes. but who’s to say they can’t change.

Ever been called heartless? yes.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? yes.

Interested in anyone at the moment? yes.

Are you able to get people to believe you when you are lying? sometimes.

Do you drink hard liquor? sometimes.

Have you met anyone new yet today? yes.

How many more minutes until you will next eat? when i wake up tomorrow.

Have you read all of the Twilight and Harry Potter books? the harry potter ones.

Would you rather no heat in winter or no A/C in the summer? no heat in winter. it gets way too hot here in summer.

Do you do your own laundry? yes.

Have you ever read an entire book in one sitting? yes.

Have you ever seen your favorite band live? yes.

Do you drink water or soda more often? water.

Have you ever chugged a beer? nope. i hate beer.

Do you straighten your hair? yes.

If you found out your friend was smoking weed, would you be disappointed? no, but i’d appreciate it if he told me he was doing it first.

Do you like the ocean? yes.

Is there anything you’re currently holding back? yes.

Do you read and believe your horoscope? i never read mine anymore and i don’t believe in them.

Have you stuck your hand up a vending machine to try and get something out? nope.

Do you like to drink Jell-o as you’re making it? haha gross, no.

What do/did you normally get detentions for? i hardly got them.

Does your alarm clock actually awaken you? yes.

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have a cell phone? nope.

What time is it where you live? 2:35am.

Do you type fast? fast enough.

Do you know anyone who has their eyebrow pierced? no.

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? today.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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thelittlestkitsune · 7 years

Text

Night Shifts. [Smut]

A/N; I am so sorry that this took me ten million years to write. This wouldn’t have been possible without the bad influences in my life! ( @we-are-like-a-timebomb , @writing-obrien . @dumbass-stilinski and the wonderful @mandylove1000 <3 ) Enjoy! xoxo

Pairing: StuartxReader

Author: thelittlestkitsune

Warnings: NSFW.

Word count: 5,716

Listen to this.

Working the night shift on a Saturday night was not ideal. All your friends were off working throughout the week but you were stuck at school, working strange hours in a shop to afford tuition. You don’t know why you still stayed in the job, the hours sucked, the pay was next to nothing and your customers were some of the biggest assholes you’d ever encountered. There was this one guy who would come in during the rush and only pay in coins for a full shop; An older woman who always smelled like medical cream would always confuse you with someone she knew when she was your age. 70 years ago. You wanted out of that job but there was nothing you could do about it. You were stuck here at least until you’d finished college, then maybe you could do what you wanted to do. Maybe. Your phone sat in your locker, undoubtedly ringing as your friends rang you from whatever club they had gone to that night as you worked the shelves restocking and serving cigarettes to people who really should quit. You couldn’t complain too much though, there were some saving graces such as occasionally there would be some of your friends in, who would stand and chat before they disappeared out the door and into the night, leaving you stranded in your own personal brand of hell.

One night though had changed night shifts for the better. There was this guy who would come in, beanie clad with thick rimmed glasses. He would always come in late at night, eyes glued to his phone as he stuffed his basket with multipacks of red bull and red vines. He would always smile at you when he checked out, his long fingers scratching at his face as you told him the total. He was a fine piece of work and you often found yourself thinking about him long after he had left the shop. He’d been coming in more and more, sometimes multiple times over the course of one shift. You’d been too nervous to talk to him, he was far out of your league or at least so you thought. You’d been stocking the shelves as per usual when you heard the door go off so you peeked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone stood at your register. Surely enough you looked around right as beanie boy walked over to you, his smile wide as you bumped into him. The cans he was balancing precariously in his arms went flying, the metal warping as it hit the ground, spraying everything in it’s vicinity in sugary stickiness. You jumped out of habit, reaching for the can as it coated you and beanie boy apologized profusely. “I’m so sorry! Is there anyway I can help at all?” He flailed as he reached for the can, effectively not helping at all.

“No, honestly it’s fine! You can put your stuff on my register I’m just going to grab a mop and try and clean this up before everything becomes a sugar trap!” You laughed as you carried the busted can to the bin, dropping it in as you grabbed the mop. You looked down at your uniform as you sighed, noting the giant wet patch on your shirt. Great. You wheeled the bucket over only to find beanie boy waiting near the puddle on the floor. He was covered in drink, his shirt clinging to his chest as your eyes trailed over him. “I’m sorry for that, I’m so sleep deprived I barely even saw you standing there.” He raked his fingers over the back of his neck as his shirt raised up showing a hint of his stomach and the happy trail that resided on top of it. This boy was going to end you. “It’s okay, you can stop apologizing! This kind of shit happens all the time, usually no one apologizes so this is already fine!” You swept the mop over the liquid, draining it off before trying again. “Yeah but I’m still sorry. I’ve been swamped at my new job and this is like the only night that I get to do all my other projects. I usually come in here to help myself, I didn’t mean to ruin your night!” You snorted as you looked at him, your grin giant as he pouted. “I’m stuck at work on a Saturday night, this is going to be the highlight of it. I don’t think it gets any worse than that.” He smiled, his eyes lighting up beneath his glasses.

“I understand that. Most of my friends are out right now. They wanted me to come with them but I’m swamped and I don’t have the time” You nodded as you finished cleaning up the mess. “My friends are probably texting me right now, telling me everything that I’m missing out on. But alas I need to get paid so I can finish college.” You gestured around to the shop, your posture defeated as you leant on the mop. “Then I guess I’ll work in hell itself until I do so.” He smiled as you wheeled the mop to your register, putting it in the corner before walking back to him. “What do you study? If you don’t mind me asking?” He was a nosey little fucker but you didn’t mind, you enjoyed the company. “Dual degree in teacher preparation. I want to teach.” You blushed as he looked at you in open shock. “So you’re training to be a teacher yet you work in a store at 2am. When do you sleep?” You covered your mouth as you laughed, raising your brows as you pointed to his mounds of energy drink. “Probably when you do!” He shrugged. “Hey! Don’t judge!” You laughed again as you leant against the shelving behind you. “I’m not judging! So what do you do that has you up all times of the night?” You probed, your own curiosity peaked. “I work at Google. I work in a team encouraging new businesses to sign up for advertising. I do other things too though, it’s kind of an all round job” He smiled, a blush creeping along his cheeks.

“Sounds hard.” He looked up at you through thick lashes, his eyes catching the wet patch on your shirt. You crossed your arms over it, self conscious of his gaze. “It’s not so bad, just a lot of free time is spent doing other things I like too.” You licked over your lips as you replied, unaware of his eyes tracking your movements. “Like what?” You asked, rearranging the cans on the shelf you rested against. “Oh you know, coding websites for people, video games and talking to pretty girls.” Your stomach flipped at his words, your skin hot as you smiled. “I’m guessing your girlfriend isn’t a massive fan of that last one?” You probed, your fingers metaphorically crossed as you hoped for him to say that he didn’t have one. “She would.” Your heart sank as he spoke. “If I had one. I’m not very good at the whole social thing.” You bit back the smile that threatened to spread across your cheeks. “Oh, I thought you would have one.” You spoke quietly, unsure he’d even heard you. He laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls. “Nah, I work too much and I don’t finish work till super late sometimes. I’m not talking midnight I’m talking 5am.” His gaze caught yours, as you swallowed thickly. “Yeah I know how that feels, I won’t be finishing till 3am and that’s if my shit brain co worker actually get’s here on time. He never does and it drives me crazy.”

Beanie boy looked over you, his eyes burning into your skin as he touched his jaw, an action you found your eyes glued to. “So what are you doing after work tonight then?” He asked, his lips pressed together in anticipation. “You.” You blurted out, your inner thoughts taking over your body. You covered your mouth as the words slipped out but the damage had been done. He laughed nervously as you wished for the ground to swallow you whole. No such luck came as he moved towards you. You backed further against the shelves as he licked over his lips. “I’m so sorry, I mean I don’t even know why I said that. I barely know you and oh my god, I guess I’ll just die now okay? Okay.” You babbled nervously as he stood there frozen his lip caught between his teeth as he stared at you. You ran your fingers through your hair as you begged for god to come down and smite you personally. He laughed nervously as all the colour drained from your face. “Yeah, it’s okay, I mean I know you probably didn’t mean it. We barely even know each other and I spilled energy drink all over you and ruined your night.” He smiled, his eyes kind of defeated as you surged forward. “Oh god no! I didn’t mean it like that I mean I totally would. You’re just my type, I mean I may or may not have had thoughts in the shower. Oh god, shut the fuck up Megan. What I meant to say is it’s not like I wouldn’t, cause if you gave me the word then I’d drop my panties right here and now.” You gulped as your eyes widened. “I really need to work on shutting the fuck up. I am so sorry.” You gushed as he raised his brow, his tongue darting over his lips.

You shook nervously as he closed the space between you. Up close he was even more beautiful, his jaw and cheeks were smattered with moles and his eyes were that kind of golden brown that you could drown in. His hands found your waist as he pulled you to him, his body flush against yours. “Well this is me giving the word” He whispered in your ear as his hands coasted over your ass. His fingers trembled as he gripped your skirt. “You don’t have to apologize. You don’t have a clue how many times I’ve been tongue tied trying to talk to you because my brain can only imagine you bent over that till, cumming until you can’t even walk.” Your knees buckled as he whispered. “Or how I’ve imagined you on your knees, your lips around my cock.” You bit your lip as his words trailed over your skin, his breath fanning over you sending a shiver down your spine. “So you better get your ass over to that door and lock it up before we get interrupted.” His lips pressed against your neck as you trembled, reaching for the keys in your pocket. You could barely manage to pull yourself away from him, your body hot as you turned the sign onto closed, the key turning in the door.

You adjusted yourself as you walked back, finding him waiting where you left him. He walked up to you again as you smiled, his hands cupping your face as he pulled you near, his lips crushing against your own, his tongue darting between your lips. You moaned into the kiss as his hands trailed down your chest, long fingers leaving heat in their wake. He crushed you to him, his fingers pulling at the material of your skirt, hitching it up your legs. You shivered at the cool rush of air but it was soon replaced by bolts of heat through your veins as his mouth left yours. You stuttered as his lips moved over your jaw, leaving hot wet kisses on your skin. Your eyes closed as you sank into his touch, all your inhibitions gone as his body ground against yours. Fingertips toyed with the skin on your thigh, patterns half finished as he continued up, the feel of lace beneath his palms. He gripped your ass as he sank his teeth in, a moan escaping your lips as you melted. Heat pooled within you, a wanton need growing with every touch he laid on your body. Your hands trembled as you traced across his back, his muscles tensing as you grabbed his hoodie, forcing it down his arms.

“Not here.” You choked out, his touch moving across your thighs, a wave of pleasure rocketing through you. “Where to then baby girl?” He responded, his voice deeper than before as he looked over you with lust blown eyes. “Follow me.” You cleared your throat as you walked off, your legs trembling with every step. “Gladly.” He spoke, his hands reaching out to smack your ass. You stopped, waiting for him to catch up. He was on you within seconds, his hands moving your hair out the way to kiss your neck, his cock hard on your ass. “You still with me?” He nodded. You broke away from him again, the slickness between your thighs making it harder to walk than you thought. You walked till you reached the door you’d been looking for. You reached for the keypad, his hands gripping your hips. They reached forwards, fingertips brushing your clit as you struggled to enter the code. You bit your lip as his hands dipped beneath the band of your panties, rough fingertips brushing your clit once more. You closed your eyes as you leant against him, moans falling from your lips as you breathed slowly. “Code-” You stuttered as he reached for the keypad. “4579-” You gasped, his fingers picking up speed as he entered the code with ease. “You’re good at multitasking” He laughed, the vibrations rocketing through your body. “You have no idea.”

You pulled open the door, your hands shaking as he continued to tease over you. He broke from you as you walked forward, lifting your soaking shirt over your head. His eyes tracked over you, leaving you shaking as you stood in the middle of the warehouse. He moved towards you as you bent over, pulling your skirt slowly down your legs. He bit his lip, a groan rising in his throat as you looked at him, his fingers unbuttoning the shirt he wore. You walked to him, pulling him further into the warehouse. “Can I help?” You asked in a small voice, looking at him through your lashes. “Yeah, you’re wearing too many clothes still.” He winked at you as you felt a twinge, your body squirming under his gaze. You reached for your bra straps, pulling them down your arms slowly before undoing the clasp at the back. You heard it fall to the floor, the sound echoing in the dimly lit room. He continued to stare as you hooked your fingers in the band of your panties, turning away from him as you bent over, pulling them down your legs. You heard him groan as you felt his hands on your ass. “You shouldn’t have done that. You have no idea what I want to do to you right now.”

Your breathing hitched as his hand came down on your ass. You bit back a squeal as your legs shook, your chest heaving as you panted. “You can do whatever you like to me.” You whispered in a small voice, your body screaming for relief. “Well if that’s what you want I'm more than happy to help baby girl.” His voice was smooth as he left your body, rustling around with something behind you. “Don’t look.” He spoke as you turned to see what he was doing. “Okay.” You spoke in a small voice again, your legs shaking as you felt the rough side of zip ties on your skin. “Zip Ties?” You questioned as his warmth hit against you again, his hands smoothing over your shoulders. “You really are smart.” He chuckled as he gathered your hands behind your back, wrapping the zip ties around the skin there. It pinched slightly but you ignored it, instead focusing on the fire that raged through you. “It doesn’t hurt does it baby girl?” You shook your head, his hands on your hips as he guided you forwards. You stumbled as he moved in front of you, your head resting on his shoulders. He steadied you as he licked over his lips.

You stared at him through lashes as he brought your lips to his, his shirt long abandoned. You looked over him hungrily, smattered moles across his chest and a trail that you wished to see the end of. His lips were insistent on your own a need ignited within him. You moaned against his touch, his hands wandering over your waist and hips. “You are definitely the sexiest teacher I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He whispered as his lips left yours. He left trails of kisses down your body again, his hair brushing your bare chest as his tongue traced over your nipple, before sucking it into his mouth. You mewled in pleasure as his teeth grazed your skin, your head rolling back as he trailed over, repeating his actions again. You struggled to keep your balance as his lips grazed your stomach. “I’m not a teacher yet, but you wait and I’ll give you a lesson or two.” You breathed as his lips pressed against your hips. “You want to learn a lesson then baby girl?” You nodded, unsure of whether he had seen or not. “It’ll be an oral presentation and I need your utmost focus.” He spoke again, his hot breath fanning over your thighs. You squirmed as his hands parted your thighs, his mouth moving closer to where your fire burned. “You paying attention babygirl?” You moaned quietly as his tongue darted over you. You shook, your balance knocked by the ties on your wrist, your knees buckling over the pleasure rocketing through you.

His hands anchored your hips, his biceps bulging as he supported your weight. He pressed kisses along the inner of your thigh, his tongue eventually licking across your heat once more. You shook as moans rocked through your body. His tongue flattened against your clit as he hummed a broken melody that surged through you. You mewled again as you bucked against him, desperate for more of what he had. His tongue sped up, lapping against you as you shook, your legs like jelly beneath you. “Pleas-” You didn’t finish your words before his tongue sped up again, moving over you at a rate that had your heart pounding. You squirmed as the tip of his tongue moved over you, dipping inside only to run over your clit again. You moaned, pulling at the ties that restricted your hands. You wanted nothing more than to run your hands through his hair, to grab fistfuls as his tongue moved over you.

Your breathing was staggered, barely audible over the profanities that fell from your lips as the fire within you burned hotter as he teased you. You bit back cries as his mouth left you, his fingers snaking over your hips and over your ass. You shivered as bolts of electric ran up your spine at the lightest of his touch. His fingers trailed over your hip bones, nails raking the skin there as he continued down, his rough fingers dancing over your clit teasingly. He smirked as his fingers dipped between your folds, eliciting a moan to rip through you. He paused as he circled your entrance, your body surging forwards to meet his. You waited with baited breath as he dipped two fingers inside you, scissoring them apart as his tongue rolled over your clit again. You cried out as fireworks sparked behind closed eyelids as his tongue flattened over you once more. Your body was on fire as he held you still, his fingers pumping against you as pleasure rolled over you. The coil within you tightened as you fought against the zip ties around your wrists. They dug into your skin but you wanted nothing more than to run your fingers through his hair as you fell from the edge you were hanging on to.

His fingers sped up as you fell, your body limp as you bucked against him, his tongue never giving up as you collapsed to your knees, his dark eyes meeting your lust blown ones. “Did I do a good job baby girl?” He smirked as his tongue darted out, swiping the remains of your slickness from his lips. You sighed as you battled to regain your breath, your chest heaving as you furled your legs beneath you. You nodded to him, too lost in your own mind to reply to his question. “If I had to grade it? You’d pass with flying colors.” You breathed, your voice airy and small. “Good.” He winked, adjusting his glasses as he looked over you hungrily. “Now do you want a real lesson or not?” You asked as his brow shot up, his look appreciative. He nodded as he sucked his lip between his teeth. “Well first of all you are far too dressed for this presentation.” You flirted, staying on your knees as he stood. His fingers trembled with the button on his jeans, before he pulled them down his legs. He stood there, looking over you as you nodded for his boxers to follow the jeans. He pulled them down, his cock springing up as he stood straight. You bit your lip excitedly, you’d imagined big things but big didn’t even cover it.

You smiled up at him as you inched towards him, his cock twitching in excitement. You leaned forwards, your tongue rolling over the tip of him as his head rolled back. You smiled as you sucked him into your mouth, your tongue following the vein on the underside of his cock. He moaned as his hands snaked through your hair, gathering it in a makeshift pony as you hollowed your cheeks, sucking him further into your mouth. He shook as you slowly lowered yourself until his cock was hitting the back of your throat. You swallowed quickly, his moans strangulated as his hips canted forwards, his hands gripping tighter on your hair. You pulled from him, your eyes flickering over his chest as you found his gaze staring at you. You smiled innocently, batting your eyelashes as you licked over his head again, never breaking eye contact. Curses filled the air as he bucked his hips towards you. You moved slightly, your tongue rolling over the side of his cock as he groaned, desperate for the feeling of your mouth once more.

He whined, his hands guiding you towards him. You licked over your lips before taking him into your mouth once more, bobbing your head as your tongue flickered over him. His spare hand found the one latched in your hair as he thrust into your mouth. You closed your eyes as you took him to the back of your throat once more, his thrusts getting faster with every passing moment. You ran your tongue over him eagerly, as he came, his hips jarring against you, his hands letting your hair run over your shoulders. You swallowed him, pulling away from him as you licked the remnants of his cum from the tip of him, his eyes heavy as he watched over you. He exhaled, his legs shaking as you struggled to your feet. “Now do you see what a real lesson is like?” You winked, your lips curling up in a small smile. He nodded as he tried to catch his breath, his hands reaching out to help you up. “You’re going to be a fucking fantastic teacher.” He said breathily as he pulled you to him. “Well a teacher is only as good as her students. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Ah fuck it who cares. Are you ever going to undo these ties?” His eyes went wide as he remembered the zip ties that bound your wrists. “I’m not done with you yet.” His voice turned to honey as his hands washed over you. “I have so many more things I want to learn” Your eyes fluttered shut as his lips pressed to your collarbone, teeth grazing the surface as he sucked harshly, purple welts marring your skin.

You moaned as you rolled your hips against his. His cock hardened against your hips as his lips trailed over your chest. He smiled against you as his fingers trailed over your waist. You shivered as electricity ran rampant through your body, igniting another fire deep within you. His fingers continued their trail down your body, drawing circles on your hips as you bucked against him. Pleas fell from your lips as you begged for his touch, for relief, for something more. His eyes were molten as his mouth left your chest. “What is it baby girl?” you panted as he whispered, his nose still lining your skin as he spoke. “Please. I need more. I need you.” You whispered, your voice hoarse. “Well since you asked so nicely.” He smirked, his jaw clenching as he crushed his lips to yours. He walked you back as you stumbled over long forgotten clothes. Your back hit concrete, the surface mottled and cold against your burning skin. His chest pressed against yours as his fingers danced over the skin of your thighs. You moaned against his lips as he hooked his hands beneath your knees, his muscles flexing as he hoisted you around his hips.

Your legs crossed his hips, feet latching together as his cock pressed against your core. He teased you, entering slightly before pulling from you, the sensation leaving you breathless as curses fell from your lips. He pushed forward, his hips slotting around your perfectly as he buried himself within you. You cried out as he paused, your body craving more as he slowly started to rock against you. You moaned, the sound muffled as you hid in his neck, your eyes screwed shut as he canted within you. He groaned as he bottomed out inside of you, his grip on you tightening. You kissed along his mole smattered skin, your lips barely touching his skin as his hips sped up, his cock hitting spots within you that made you see stars. You shook as your teeth sunk into his skin, his hips snapping against yours. The coil within you tightened as you clenched around him, he paused regaining his breath before slamming back into you, a cry echoing through the warehouse you found yourself in. “How badly do you want to cum baby girl?” His words vibrate against ear as he thrust into you; stars appearing in your peripherals. “You have no idea” you choked out as breaths became more labored. “Are you going to work for it?” You nodded, your hair brushing against his skin as he slammed forwards. “Willingly” your voice was quiet as his fingers released your legs. You struggled to the ground, your hands still bound behind your back.

“Turn around and stick your ass out for me?” His tone was demanding and you shook at the deepness of it. You did as he said, your shoulders hitting the concrete as you struggled to balance. His hands came down on the bottom of your spine, pulling you back to meet him as his cock teased over you. One hand left as he pumped himself, his cock trailing over your sensitive clit. “Please” you begged as he gripped your hips, pulling you flush against him. “I didn’t quite hear that baby girl.” you licked over your lips as he filled you once more. “Please. Fuck me.” You spoke louder, his cock stroking spots within you that you didn’t know existed. “Do you need to cum baby girl?” You nodded, your hair falling over your face as his hips hit yours, the coil in your stomach getting tighter with every thrust. “Yes.” You managed to coax out as his hands moved over your thighs. “Do you think you’ve worked hard enough for this?” His words teased you as his hips picked up speed, pleasure rocking through you. “Yes.” Your words were barely a whisper, drowned out by the chorus of moans as his fingers found your clit, rough fingertips rubbing figure eights over sensitive skin. You clenched around him as your orgasm crashed over you, your fingers lacing together as every muscle in your body on fire as they tightened. You cried out, fingers drawing patterns of indescribable pleasure over your clit. “Fuck baby girl. You feel better than I ever fucking thought.” Your body shook as you came hurtling down from your peak, your body sensitive and weak. His hips staggered as you arched against him, your body coming away from the wall you anchored yourself against. His hips slotted against yours as he bottomed out again, his breath coming in bursts as his orgasm crashed over him. A chorus of moans echoed through the warehouse as he fell against your back, your hands trailing against his stomach.

He paused for a moment, regaining his breath before he pulled from you. You stumbled bleary eyed, your legs weak as you found him again. “Careful” he warned as you saw a glint of silver. Scissors. He reached behind you, snipping the ties as you flexed your numbing fingers. “Thanks” you nodded as you stretched, your muscles sighing at the innocent gesture. He didn’t speak a word as you both dressed, faces blushed red. You were pulling your shirt back on as he shrugged off his hoodie. He crossed the space between you to wrap it around your shoulders. “You have a stain, plus your shirt must be cold” You smiled as you zipped it up, breathing in his scent, grateful for the warmth. “Thank you!” you sighed as you walked to the door, hesitant to go back to work. “I don’t usually do this kind of thing so I don’t know the etiquette” He spoke as you turned around, his hands buried deep in his pockets. “I don’t either. So I'm as clueless as you!” You laughed, watching his face light up in smile, mirroring your own. “I guess I should get back to work?” you nodded your head towards the door as he crossed the room following you out the door.

“You still want your red bull?” You asked as you reached the tills again. “I think I'm going to need it. I want to get you one too, you’re going to need it more than I do.” He winked as you scanned through the items. “Thanks!” He blushed as he paid, turning to walk out the door. “Um, I'm kind of locked in here, can you let me out?” He asked as you scrawled on the back of an old receipt. “Yeah sure but you should take this, just in case I'm on a night shift again or you decide you want your hoodie back” You came out from the till area, sliding the paper into his pocket. “You should take my number too, you know just in case.” he delved into his wallet, producing a business card. “So that’s your name? Stuart?” You smiled as he shyed away. "Yeah, so now you know what to moan in the shower” He winked as you felt something twinge inside you. He really was going to be the death of you. “Smooth Twombly” you winked as he hid his face. You took the keys from your belt, unlocking the door as he stepped out. He stepped back, cupping your face as he kissed you one last time. “Have a good shift baby girl” He spoke one last time, disappearing into the night, leaving you at the door.

Your shift ended and you went home in a daze, collapsing into bed. You woke to your alarm, alerting you it was time to go back to work. You made it there in record time, only to be turned away at the door. “Sorry but we’re going to have to let you go. Some CCtv footage was recovered at the request of a customer and we cannot let something like this happen again. It would be unethical of us as a company to let someone close down the business for her own personal gain.” You protested, knowing it was all in vain anyway. “I’m sorry for what I did and honestly I understand why you are letting me go.” You turned away defeated, reaching in your pocket for the business cards Stuart had handed you last night.

You rang the number, butterflies in your stomach as the dial tone stopped, Stuarts silky voice gracing the line instead. “Hey baby girl what’s wrong?” he cooed as you walked away from the store you once worked at. “I still have your hoodie.” You stated, a smile in his voice as he responded. “Keep it, looks good on you” You bit back a smile as he spoke. “One other thing, you wouldn't happen to know any jobs going?” He paused as he tapped his pen, your phone barely picking up the sound. “Funnily enough I think I know the perfect position.”

#thelittlestkitsune #stuart twombly fic #stuart twombly smut #stuart twombly imagine #have some stuart you thirsty fuckers #stuart smuts #the internship #the internship smut #the internship imagine #the internship fic #google #dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien smut #dylan o'brien fic #dylan o'brien imagine #twsmuts #honestly this is trash im sorry

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mcrmadness · 4 years

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This other day I was reading my old posts on a blog I used to write to in 2010-2014 aka I was 19-23 years old at the time. It’s just funny how nothing literally has changed since that. No wonder why I feel like I’m still living the 2010. All my posts to there were mainly about mental health (I was on antidepressants in 2008-2013, also on antipsychotics in 2008-2009 and another one for couple of months in 2010.) and the funniest thing was that I have had the EXACT SAME sleeping schedule talks there as I have lately had on Tumblr :DDD

I guess I need to take some notes for the neuropsychiatrist trainer cos we were talking about the scleeping schedule and she asked me why do I think my inner clock is what it is, aka the best time for me to fall asleep would be between 1-3 am and to wake up would be between 11am and 1pm. And damn, when I read these posts I didn’t even remember all this, but there as well I’ve written about how I get super tired during the morning hours and then more active towards the night again. And I was sleeping during daytime hours A LOT because I just got so tired from being so bored. Most of the time my sleeping schedule also was changing all the time, sometimes falling asleep at 11pm and waking up at 8am but ending up being super tired the whole day, and sometimes falling asleep around 5am and waking up in the afternoon. And that is ecactly how it’s been lately, too. Always changing.

She also said something about if I was to work or school, wouldn’t that force my sleeping schedule to become different? And I told her it wouldn’t, because I was to school and work for 5 years in a row and it never fixed itself. I was working 5-6 days a week every week and it never affected anything. I still went to sleep very late and had trouble staying awake, even at work I had to start doing something because I was so close to falling asleep during the morning hours.

I always say that my head wakes up only after the midday (we use 24h clock here in most parts of Europe, I never learnt if 12 at midday is 12am or 12pm, I just can’t wrap my head around it no matter how many times I’ve tried!) and before that I’m basically a zombie or in a coma or something. My eyes just stand in my head but I can’t think at all and I can’t go anything because my brains are still asleep and my body would love to go back to bed as well. But after midday, my brains are like “oh wait, good morning, I guess?” and my body is like “oh finally you decided to join in...”, and after that I’m able to do things that I need my brains to, and the closer to the night we get, the more active my brains become. And I’m at my best between 11pm and 2am basically.

She also said it might just be learnt behaviour, but I don’t really buy that. My inner clock has always been like this. Already as a baby I used to stay up late and wake up slightly before the noon, and sometimes it changed and I was waking up and falling asleep really early. And then again much later. (And I guess that’s normal for babies idk???) And I also always had trouble falling asleep during my school time, when my mom was still deciding over that. I remember so many evenings just laying in my bed, lights out and being totally awake and sometimes calling my mom that I can’t sleep. I came up with so many different things to help me fall asleep, I was basically playing, too. If it was freezing, I’d remove my blanket and pretend I was some poor kid on a street sleeping under a newspaper and someone saved me and I got a warm blanket and that’s when I covered myself with the blanket and it was soooo warm! And sometimes I liked to go under my bedsheets, under the... idk how you call that very thin mattress on top of the mattress? Anyway, under that, sometimes even under the mattress itself. And I imagined that I had been buried alive and was in a coffin. And I tried to get out, and sometimes I got so deep into that imagery that I started to panic for real, which is when I then crawled back from under the bedsheets :D I did things like these ALL THE TIME. And later on, when I got first phone with a flashlight (and camera), I was playing with it a lot. I even have some really old camera phone photos that I have taken because I was so bored while trying to sleep that I just had to do something. I also came up with all kinds of things to imagine in my head to help me fall asleep, my favorite was probably based on this old Disney Interactive game Toy Story 2 - you play with Buzz Lightyear in that and I just took that and I imagined running around my house and the yard and stuff. And sometimes I imagined a game that would be like my hometown but I could drive around in a car and destroy all the houses and buildings, and see inside of the houses etc.

I remember when I first started to stay up past the midnight, I used to write into my diary and I was always making jokes about how clock was already 1am oh my godddd and stuff like that, because it was so exciting. And then it just became a habit and it’s very rare for me to fall asleep before the midnight. It was usually always at least 1am even when I was working/studying, I had to get up at 6:45am or so but I still couldn’t make myself to go to sleep earlier than that because I needed more time to myself because my day has more than 24 hours to it. I had to sacrifice from somewhere and that was usually sleep, because I wouldn’t have been able to function if I got only like... 5-6 hours of free time/day for myself. And every night I didn’t want to go to sleep but I also was so tired I fell asleep immediately, so I was relieved to finally make it to my bed, but still 8 hours a day only for myself? That was what I got until I just HAD to go to sleep again and even that was too little time. And also, if I got enough sleep one night, that would have meant I wasn’t tired the next night and my sleeping schedule would have moved forward again about 2 hours or so -> even more tired the next morning.

But anyway, my point was: I have always been “struggling” with my sleeping schedule but it’s actually not causing myself any harm - it’s just the society that has set these opening and closing times to everything that does not meet my inner clock at all. I always have to try and adjust to those and I don’t understand why it’s always us who have to sacrifice something from us, why can’t they so something for us night owls as well? Not a 24h open store but like... some store that would be open between 11am and 3am, for example :D I anyway don’t understand this trainer because she keeps saying something about how I shouldn’t be so hars to myself and it’s not bad if people are different, but still I should try to have a sleeping schedule that wouldn’t be so fucked up? Like what do you want now? Me being me or me being something society wants? I prefer the first.

#mcrmadness' random stuff #personal

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alieninbeirut · 7 years

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My Breastfeeding Battle

Breastfeeding has been less of a journey for me and more of a battle. It may be natural but it certainly is not easy or straightforward.

I took a very half-ass approach to whether I would breastfeed or not. By that I mean I didn’t research or read any literature on breastfeeding prior to giving birth. I said I would try but was also okay if it didn’t work out. I knew from my younger sister that there might be latching issues or getting positions correct a challenge. I knew from my older sister that your nipples go through the mill but after around 3 weeks it becomes easier. This was about the extent of my knowledge, that and the benefits.

Because I decided I wanted to give it a try I was very annoyed that I was brought to ICU after a very traumatic labour and thus separated from my baby girl for two days. During that time she was cared for in the special care unit and bottle fed. I remember arguing with the surgeons in the theatre room that I had to be with my daughter. Maybe it was this separation that made me all the determined I would feed my baby myself. It didn’t matter to me how many medical professionals told me I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed due to my blood loss, or that my milk wouldn’t come in, or that I lost all the hormones and milk my body had been preparing for the duration of the pregnancy I had made up my mind. When I finally got to meet her I wasn’t long before popping her on the boob. She latched straight away and it was amazing. But wow, it was painful AF. I felt robbed of our skin-to-skin, our first meeting and first days together but this was a way to make up for her being on her own (she wasn’t on her own all the time but my husband was restricted to visiting hours). I wasn’t able to get up and walk, I couldn’t wind my baby but I could lie there and feed her and this was what I was going to do.

She was a hungry baby and cluster fed for hours on end. I didn’t even know what cluster feeding was but I quickly began reading up on breastfeeding. I learned you feed on demand whenever the baby is hungry. You don’t clock watch. It is normal for a baby to feed a lot in the first few weeks. The formula she was initially fed filled her little belly and she liked that feeling of fullness so I had to supplement her with top ups until my milk came in.

I plagued every midwife in the hospital for help with positions, picking their brains of all their breastfeeding knowledge, asking about latch, my diet, everything.

My milk came in on day five. I was delighted. I could do this. My nipples were in bits. Every single feed was toe-curling excruciating but I focused on the 3 week mark for when it would get easier and kept lavishing the cream in the meantime. A lactation consultant came in and confirmed there was no tongue tie and that latch and positions were good. I felt I could do this.

After a week of recovery in hospital I pushed to get sent home. I could still barely walk but I could sit or lie and feed and that was all I needed to do. My husband was everything else. Our little family arrived home and I cocooned myself on the couch, loaded with pillows, snacks, remote controls, nipple cream and baby and we fed and cuddled all day long. I was so crazy in love and happy.

She was gaining weight, I had started to get used to the pain, I thought I was flying it. She fed all the time and for hours each time, my older sister and people around me were commenting that this wasn’t the norm but I didn’t mind. I loved the bond it created and she was thriving so if she wanted to live on top of me she could. She is the boss. But on week 4 my baby girl was weighed and she was the same as the week before. This confused me because of the sheer amount of time she spent feeding. I was advised to take a breastfeeding vacation on the couch, cancel all other plans and just have my little one on my breast the whole time. I had almost everyone questioning the quality of my milk due to the postpartum hemorrhaged. I was told this is why she isn’t gaining weight I was told. I had others telling me she was breastfeeding for too long and using me as a soother. I went back to the hospital lactation consultant and had her check the latch again, I asked her to make sure she doesn’t have tongue or lip tie as an explanation for why she feeds so long and isn’t gaining weight. I wanted there to be tongue tie because at least then I had an explanation but she said no, there definitely isn’t tongue tie. She advised to me time my feeds to 20 minutes a side and after offering each side she would be full and anything after this is using me as a soother so give her a pacifier and hand her over to someone to put to sleep because she won’t sleep on me as long as she smells the milk.

So I did this, but after a traumatic week for both of us (she cried so much and I couldn’t bear to hear her cry for me) and even weight loss at her next weighing I ditched this advice and took back my child to living on top of me.

Christmas came and so did her 6 week growth spurt. It was spent with my little leech attached to me around the clock. Christmas dinner was ate with one hand and baby on breast. Guests didn’t get a look in. My baby wanted only to be with Mommy, and smiles for Daddy. My breasts were on fire during and after a feed. The fact that feeds ran into each other meant I was in pain all the time. The three week mark had come and gone but my pain hadn’t. I noticed a white coating on my little ones tongue and thought it might be oral thrush. This is common in babies and as I had received antibiotics it is even more likely. That coupled with the fact that she lived on my boob meant she was creating a warm, moist environment ripe for thrush. As it was Christmas we went to the out-of-hours emergency doctor. She checked both me and my girl and confirmed thrush. Our local pharmacy (and neighbour) was phoned and asked to open up just so we could get the medication asap. We began a rigorous program of tablets and cream for me and drops for my little one. The drops in her mouth needed time to work so we had to distract her for 30 minutes away from the boob to give it time. The pain was very different to the pain I had suffered the first few weeks, this went into side breast and stung, I cried at some feeds but persisted. I also began topping her up with formula because I found it so hard to pump anything and I worried the thrush made it painful for her to breastfeed effectively. I began with 3 ounce top ups and from my research and experience found it best to feed her on both sides first, do compresses all the time on my breasts and once she got frustrated to give her the top up, wind her and pop her back on the breast so she doesn’t associate fullness with the bottle. I can’t explain why but I was devastated to see my LO being bottle fed AND by someone other than me. I asked my hubby to exclusively feed her the bottle as I didn’t mind him doing it but grandparents were sitting on the sidelines waiting for an opportunity to feel their grandchild so my feelings were pushed aside to accommodate them. There were fights over how much and how often we gave formula as a top up. There was a reluctancy to hand the baby back to let her finish on the breast because the after-fed cuddles were the best.I didn’t want to deprive my daughter but there was no explanation from any medical professional to why she wasn’t gaining weight.

For someone who was undecided about breastfeeding prior to the birth I had a sudden aversion to formula. More research was carried out into how to pump more efficiently. So I began getting up at 3am and 5am every night to pump. I an usually up many times in the night for night feeds but I was doing these lying down so I didn’t fully wake. Now I had to sit up, feed on one side and pump on the other simultaneously. One time I pumped 1 ounce but this was after 3 days of this pumping regime. I was so proud. But really, such a miserable amount for so much effort. My precious 1 ounce was put in the refrigerator for a top up. The texture of my expressed milk was very watery so comments began again questioning the quality of my milk. More research, I read everything about pains, symptoms, positions, milk, hindmilk, foremilk, pumping regimes and stood my ground that my watery milk was perfectly normal.

After New Years lunch at my parents I began to feel sick with flu like symptoms. Half my family sitting for dinner had the flu so I didn’t think too much into it. Then my little girl began rejecting one side and I felt a little engorged so I jumped in the shower to hand express for relief. I realised the upper part was not expressing so I did compressions and out popped hard and sticky white stuff. I kept going until it was free flowing and came back out to continue feeding. However, my LO still rejected that side. I expressed more and loads more hard white content came out and it stank. I had a blocked duct and the start of a mastitis infection but luckily I dodged that bullet. Nothing is worse for thrush than antibiotics.

At the 7 week weigh-in she was still the exact same weight. Everyone had an opinion again. Again the quality of my milk was questioned and I was told a cousin’s expressed milk looked way thicker than mine. I still don’t know how anyone knows what a woman’s expressed milk looks like without asking to compare with mine. I was told I had a supply issue because other women can pump bags full. I was told it could be a hormone issue because I had heavy postpartum bleeding at day 30 and day 40. I was sent for blood tests. But I still felt something else was wrong and arranged a second lactation consultation for a second opinion. At the very least I might be doing the positioning wrong because I noticed I had nipple blanching after a feed and thought the pains I felt could also be from this. I also had milk blisters daily (major ouch). The most common cause of nipple blanching is a shallow latch and the most common cause of a shallow latch is tongue tie, which my LO didn’t have. I just wanted an expert opinion.

It snowed the day of the appointment and I was a little hesitant to take my 8 week old out in it but I was in so much pain by now I didn’t want to wait. We arrived and spent two hours with the lactation consultant. She did a sucking assessment and diagnosed two types of tongue tie and a stiff neck (from birth). I was told to see an osteopath and that we need to have it snipped. The fact my LO could (and always) sticks out her tongue confused everyone to thinking she can’t possibly have tongue tie but a simple sucking assessment would have confirmed it. She also said there was a transfer of milk issue because of the tongue tie and this would/is affecting my supply. This would explain why she fed so long on my breast, working so hard to get what she needed but her latch was shallow so she was unable to get the milk effectively into her. It also revealed to me that my child was going hungry. I was devastated and angry at the first lactation consultant for failing to pick up on this. It should have being resolved weeks ago. I also felt let down my all those surrounding me who kept questioning my ability to breastfeed.

We tried to introduce nipple shields but my LO refused them. She wanted only the real deal. The Lactation consultant gave me feeding tubes and said it was necessary to increase the formula until the tongue tie is released. We asked about quality and pumping and she said neither are an issue. Many women do not have a supply issue and get nothing when they pump. Validation for a moment. Then the reality set in that we have to get the tongue tie procedure done asap and this wasn’t going to be pleasant. The older the baby the more pain they feel.

Booked an osteopath handy enough and tongue tie release for next week with a top surgeon in Dublin. My LO will be ten weeks then and I am dreading it. I also wish it was this week because nipple trauma is real. I know the release is not an easy solution either, that the road to recovery and successful breastfeeding is far from smooth and it may not work out after release but we will try.

This has being a long and lonely journey at times. It has been less of a journey and more of an uphill battle, to be honest. I am hopeful the tongue tie release will finally be a turning point for both of us. We have both come so far and worked so hard to get to where we are today that we deserve it to be satisfying finally.

#little one #breastfeeding

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