#i blocked all of them on instagram because they said or done things I didn’t nor don’t agree with

[persephoneflouwers]

-

[beybaldes]

Karma is the guy on AFC Richmond, coming straight home to me!

summer sleepover masterlist

roy kent × gn!famous!reader (loosely inspired by Taylor swift and Travis Kelce)

summary: “kisses with a height difference” requested by two anons <33

an: okay you can actually thank the queen of my heart @onceuponaoneshotfanfic for my sudden (although potentially one night only we’ll see if I get my uni essay done lol) return because she reposted a celebrity prompt list and it got my mind whirring oops love you tally thank you for breaking my writers (and reading) block <33

“Hot.”

One simple word had sent your 68 million instagram followers into an absolute frenzy, and half of them, you were pretty sure, didn’t even know who Roy Kent was.

“‘So nice of them to put this football player on the map?’ They do know I was famous long before you ever were, right?” You only laughed as Roy grew more frustrated, allowing him to scroll through your Twitter account while you made the both of you some breakfast.

“Hey, maybe they have a point?” You tried to stifle your laughter, knowing Roy’s eyes would be sending daggers into your back, though only for a moment so he could continue winding himself up over the things people were tweeting. “I mean Richmond tickets have now sold out for the rest of the season.”

Roy knew you were only joking. Well, kind of. The two of you had been together for just over a year now, recently celebrating your one year anniversary, but besides the odd article about each of you potentially seeing someone, no one knew you were together - let alone that you even knew each other. Keeley had been blowing up Roy’s phone since she saw the comment demanding to meet you, her favourite superstar, and you’d woken up to 37 missed calls from your dad, furious you hadn’t told him you were dating Chelsea legend Roy Kent.

Above everything, you’re still in disbelief Roy tried to hard launch your relationship in the comment section if your most recent instagram post on a random Tuesday evening.

“Hmm, and I’m sure your next tour is going to sell out 10 times faster now the world knows you’re with the great Roy Kent.” Roy had given up on reading tweets speculating about what his comment meant and if the two of you were together, instead choosing to press his bare chest agains your back, wrapping his arms around you from behind as you finished up breakfast. Fortunately you knew, Roy Kent or not, your next tour was going to sellout. Though you’d rather have Roy be by your side for it.

“Maybe if I’m lucky.” Putting down your fork, you turned in Roy’s hold to face him, standing on the very tips of your toes to press a lovingly slow kiss to his lips. Since dating Roy, you were certain early mornings were for breakfasts that take too long to cook and kisses that end too soon for your liking. Roy’s grip on you tightened and he dipped his head slightly, making the kiss as easy on you as possible. When you began to pull away, he only ducked his head further to press his lips back against yours. “Mmm, although I’d already consider myself very lucky.”

“That you are.” Roy murmured against your lips, immediately pressing them flush against yours when he’d said his piece. “And so am I.”

an: okay short and sweet but I’m hoping to get back in to writing and get up to date with my requests now that I’m settled at uni and with my new job. Missed you guys hope you all are well <33

[midnightsnyx]

Matthew Tkachuk - All I Need

pairing: matthew tkachuk x reader requested: yes / no a/n: i haven't written a long one-shot in awhile but i really like this one! requests are open. word count: 1k

tw: bullying

masterlist ask box

You didn’t usually let it bother you; the whispers, staring, and anything else the other girls did. It wasn’t as bad when Taryn was at a game but those were far and few between lately so you had to endure it by yourself. It was different today though. Maybe it was because you had a fight with Matt before the game and let yourself dive into his comment sections on Instagram on any photos of the two of you. There were always nice ones, but the nasty ones were nasty. You know Matt spends hours reporting accounts and blocking them despite you telling him not to bother. People would find a way to criticize your relationship regardless of how many accounts he blocked. 

It was how your argument that morning started. He was eating breakfast while you fed the cat, scrolling through Instagram and frowning. You knew right away what he was upset about and walked to where he was sitting and put a hand on his arm so he would look at you.

“They don’t bother me,” you lied but he shook his head and mumbled something along the lines of "well it should”, so you dropped your hand and walked away. You went to sit down in the living room to watch something and heard him cleaning his plate a few minutes later before he joined you on the couch. He was quiet but didn’t have his phone anymore so you thought that he was done with it. 

“I could delete my Instagram,” he said suddenly, as if that was the solution to stopping the criticism. 

“That’s ridiculous,” you said. “Wiping yourself from social media doesn’t stop the mean girls. They’re at games too.” 

The minute you said it, you winced. You had been pretty good at not letting him know that the bullying was not strictly online. Taryn was nagging you to tell Matt exactly what was happening at games, but you didn’t want him worrying about it. You could ignore the things the girls said and just focus on the game.

Most times.

“What are you talking about? People are saying things to you at games too?”

You shrugged, ignoring his attempts at getting you to look at him.

“Girls like you, okay? They don’t think I’m good enough for you so they make comments.” You hesitated, but told him the same lie you always did. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“I’ll talk to them,” he said and you groaned in frustration.

“Yeah, like a parent confronting their child’s bully. I’ll pass, thanks.”

He argued with you for twenty minutes, saying that it would make things better if he confronted the other girls in the family seating area. It would just make it worse though, you knew it would. So in a moment of frustration, you told him if he talked to them, you wouldn’t go to anymore games. 

It was a lie, and you both knew it but the two of you were so annoyed with each other by that point, that he left for the rink early. He still had at least an hour before he should’ve left and it put you in a sour mood. Enough that you considered not going to the game that night, but in the end you pulled on your Tkachuk jersey and made your way to the arena. 

That brought you to this moment, listening to one of the girls purposely talking loudly about a bet they had placed on how much longer Matt would put up with you, despite the fact that the two of you had been dating for two years. You’d heard whispers about why he hadn't proposed yet multiple times, but you were able to ignore that because you and Matt had a serious talk about marriage and the fact that you wanted to wait a bit longer. 

“He can do so much better,” one of them said and you bite your tongue, knowing that saying something will just feed into their fantasy. You’re not sure exactly what it is, besides their wishes for you and Matt to break up. 

“Yeah, I mean just look at her.” 

It takes everything in you not to turn around and say something to them but the game ends so you get up and leave. You’re not sure if Matt knows that you came to the game because you hadn’t texted him so you go down to meet him near the locker doors. The security guy nods when you flash your ID but you come down here so often that he knows you. 

The Panthers lost, so you know Matt will be in a crooked mood but you still want to see him. While you’re waiting, the guys slowly trickle out of the locker room, nodding at you. 

Finally, Matt walks out and stops short when he sees you. He wasn’t expecting you to come to the game tonight at least because of your fight so you give him your best attempt at a smile. 

There’s a ten second pause before he walks over and wraps his arms around you and holds you gently. You’re pretty sure you stand there for at least five minutes before you pull away.

“I love you,” you tell him. “I love that you’d delete all your social medias, that you’d give the mean girls a lecture, and that you spend hours blocking and reporting accounts that say mean things about me.” You kiss him, smiling when he chases after you when you pull away. “But I promise, if it ever gets too much, I’ll tell you. I’m working on ignoring what everyone says, but in the meantime, all I need is you.” 

He runs his thumb across your bottom lip and nods. “Okay.”

He pulls you into another hug and you let your head rest on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. 

“Also, I was totally considering slapping one of them silly tonight,” you say and you can’t see his face, but you know he’s grinning.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

don't hold hands, m | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: You're fucking your ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend. You also now own a condo with him and owning this condo has made you house-poor. Yeah, it's not the usual love story and it's not going to be one. Not until you paint the walls black, that is.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mostly conversations and feels tbh; minor smut (fem reader, marking / scratching, m-receiving oral, doggy, penetrative sex); non-idol!AU; guitarist!music producer!Yoongi x novelist!reader - fwb / roommates-to-lovers

just a story about two people who shouldn't fall in love falling in love, I have plenty of nasty smut so this is a different beat for ya lmao

--

“Is it fun being tortured?”

“Not really, no.”

It wasn’t fair to be this critical but, as long as you didn’t let these words travel outside this room, it was fine, right? At least, you kept telling yourself that. Delusion at its finest.

“It’s so stupid that people enjoy sticking their nose in drama that doesn’t involve them only because their lives are too boring to have any,” you sighed, tossing your phone across your desk, letting it skid into a pile of post-its covered in scrawled notes. “All because I deleted some photos.”

Notifications were now blocked.

“Some people mistake privilege with right.”

You glared at your phone even though the contents were the offender and not the device. Rolled your eyes, knowing you would be coming back to a shitstorm, but you couldn’t take it anymore. There had to be a limit. And the voice beside you had been telling you to put the damn thing down and stop deleting comments one by one, but the stubborn ram in you thought you could just headbutt through the bullshit.

And that imagery was gonna end there, thank you very much.

Your forehead found the palm of your hand and you sighed again, suddenly feeling the weight.

“I’m never doing that again.”

“You don’t have to.”

Minutes passed.

Silence never felt so serene.

Then it was cut through by steady, slow acoustic guitar, the notes drifting out from behind you. It almost made you feel more guilty. Almost. How fucked was that? You, sitting here right now, staring at nearly bare walls and a table covered in notes and your trusty laptop, almost feeling guilty for the guy that had backed out of the joint loan for this condo in the city that you didn’t even fuckin’ want, but you had been too far into the process to not lose a whole lotta money and too angry to let yourself lose.

How ironic, feeling guilty for the guy who cheated on you.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” was the guitar player’s response. “And you shouldn’t be either. For anything.”

You knew you shouldn’t apologize. It just felt like the thing to do, because you hadn’t been wholly right either and, even if you weren’t more in the wrong, you were still wrong, and wasn’t that fucked, putting levels of blame on a situation that, at the end of the day, was all said and done and left everybody bitter and full of scars.

The shitty part was everyone was on your case now and blaming you.

This was what you got for dating the lead singer of a punk band that skyrocketed to popularity on social media. Looked all elegant dark romance on TikTok and Instagram, just screaming and hate-fucking behind closed doors. Constant content to cover up the toxicity. And maybe it was your fault too, letting it get to your head that maybe you really were the beautiful, mysterious muse that the followers painted you out to be. You glossed over red flags – late nights, drugs and drinking, sleeping in rooms of girls that called themselves fans – all part of the industry. Nothing happened. Honest. But the greatest mistake was letting him tag you on Instagram. How cool was it that you were an author?

This bastard.

Not only had you given him some of your best quotes for his lyrics, but now you couldn’t publish those words as your own because this bastard would fuckin’ sue you for plagiarizing.

The guitar continued behind you, on the mattress on the floor.

So, not only were you getting crucified on social media at the moment because he had called you a backhanded bitch in his Instagram stories but also because you had deleted all photos of him on your profile and said fucking nothing. Silence to be polite and all that. He cheated on you, he was leaving you for some whore you had plenty of suspicions about, and, worst of all, he waited until you and him were finalizing the down payment for this expensive-ass-fuck high-rise condo – that money was out of your own pocket, not his, how convenient – and backed out of the loan for the mortgage. His reasoning?

You cheated on him first.

Hello?

With his former guitarist.

Hello?

Your ex-boyfriend had fired his former guitarist ages ago because you and him had gotten too friendly.

Alright, man.

You liked the guy, sure. Talked to him when he was in the studio and found you had a lot in common. Plus, he was crazy talented. Made most of the melodies, self-produced a lot of the songs for the band so they could save money, even contributed to lyric writing so they didn’t have to spend on that either. He even had a good voice, although sadly the band rarely used it. Your art of words paired with his knowledge of music made some viral hits. But then tensions rose between him and your ex when they started butting heads for no reason (there was a reason and it was ugly jealousy). Then arguments rose between you and your ex, but instead of breaking up, you buried yourself into writing your next novel to let the situation cool off.

Sigh, okay, call a spade a spade.

You were avoiding the confrontation.

He fired his guitarist and got a new one.

Then things were good.

Until they weren’t.

Of course, they weren’t. You didn’t solve shit, and he was fucking every girl that threw themselves at him behind your back. Good thing you had strict rules about condoms, otherwise you would probably have some lasting consequences right now. So, when the ground cracked and split apart from under you, what did you do?

Yup, this was the part that made you no better.

You found that former guitarist and fucked him.

Word travelled around. Word also travelled around that somehow you got someone to be part of that insane loan you got talked into. And, oh, shit, did things get messy once a certain someone knew who it was.

But here you were.

Feeling guilty.

You probably couldn’t publish for at least six months to a year because, harrowingly, your demographic was young adult – you had even relied on social media for self-marketing, fuck – and the half of a novel you had now had to be scrapped considering that so many of the quotes were now distressed in dark venues by the lips of an egomaniacal dick that you allowed into your pussy far too many times. Once was already too many.

Fuck.

You didn’t even want to live in the city.

It’ll be so much easier for me to get bigger opportunities. Don’t be a selfish bitch and only think about yourself.

You wanted to scream.

You wanted to throw your laptop into the wall and break it into smithereens, but you didn’t because this piece of technology was currently your only chance of making money. Fuck. Me. Always talking about himself like he was only important member of the band, even though it was the other guys who wrote most of the music and lyrics. No one sided with you, obviously. This was their job and technically not their romance. They were sympathetic but not empathetic to the point of jeopardizing their jobs. Obviously, you hadn’t signed any contracts for royalties or credit. This was supposed to be your soulmate.

Soulmates weren’t so generous to give you pennies.

You’re being greedy and self-important. Oh, so you’re only in the relationship for the money? I’ll give you money once we make it big. Once we get it all, I’ll buy you everything you want. But you gotta help me out now. We’re starving artists, ya know?

You should have asked your parents for monetary help, but you didn’t. Your pride didn’t want to hear the told-you-so speeches for dating a guy they didn’t choose for you. You also didn’t want the arranged marriage appointments back in your life either.

So.

Trapped in white walls, post-its of false starts, and impending doom.

Dramatic, but you were a writer.

“Come here and sit down with me.”

Some part of you didn’t want to face him. It was really dumb. He was your new roommate now. You were fucking him when you were too sad to avoid it, and it was pretty obvious he knew. You were living off his money. Sure, he only paid for half the rent but then food mysteriously appeared in the fridge, bathroom necessities were stocked when they were running low, cleaning supplies neatly sorted into the closet, and all that other shit. None of that wholesale stuff either, but the nicer things normal households could afford.

It wasn’t an exaggeration that you cried into the soap during your shower last night.

All because you finally acknowledged it wasn’t one of those shitty bars that made skin feel like plastic but actually fragrant lathering liquid that you could put on the dense, not-falling-apart-in-one-use loofah that you hadn’t bought. You would have been satisfied with cutting coupons and living on the dregs of the bare minimum, but someone cared enough to not let you do that, and you currently couldn’t do anything to contribute and probably couldn’t for a while.

And that made you feel undeserving.

Maybe you were only fucking him because that was all you could offer.

Pathetic.

The guitarist called your name softly.

Like a beaten dog, you got up and sat down beside Min Yoongi.

He continued to play a melody you didn’t know on his black acoustic guitar. He hadn’t moved in all his instruments and equipment yet. You had told him he could have the whole living room for his studio. He had asked if you were sure and you responded that you were sure that you weren’t going to have anybody over ever so, unless he wanted a living room space, you didn’t want one.

“Shit always happens, you know,” the deep voice reminded you.

“This happening was of my own doing and now I’ve ruined my own life,” you muttered, bitter over a boy and hating that you were bitter over a boy.

A small chuckle. “You have to admit you had help.”

Stupid boy.

“Can’t be helped. Humans are animals of regret.”

It stung to regret.

The guitar playing stopped and now you were met with silence.

Don’t cry.

But it was so tiring to be angry. So easy to be sad. So easy to think, my fault, for being swept up in what he was but not who he was, for believing that you knew what was best when clearly it wasn’t, for being spiteful on purpose. For avoiding looking at Yoongi in the face because you were too ashamed to acknowledge what was going on here.

For being too afraid to ask what he thought of it.

“I regretted not stealing you from him sooner. Thought you were too fuckable for that loser from the first day we met.”

A strange feeling.

Skin prickling, glancing the that pale hand of graceful, callused fingers simply resting on the neck of that guitar, not looking at Yoongi’s face even though you knew it quite well in profile.

“That’s one way to make me feel better,” you replied.

“I’m not trying to make you feel better. Just being honest,” he replied, tapping his fingertips on the wood. “You are ten times too talented and a hundred times too pretty for a guy like that.”

You twitched. “Are you shitting on my standards?”

“Back then? Yeah, I am.” A calm hum, setting aside his guitar and placing his elbows on his sweatpants-covered knees, charcoal gray and worn. “Pretty clear you went full desperado for a guy that didn’t deserve it. Also, he ain’t hot shit like he thinks he is.”

Ow and what the fuck. “Fuck off.”

You felt movement and tracked his hand raising, spinning a finger around his temple. A brief glance and the details sank in. Long, windswept black waves, light cream skin, pointed gaze directed forward and not at you, pensive slight frown of pink lips. You looked away again, past his loose white t-shirt and to your hands.

You used to be proud of them.

They used to be able to type prose like no other.

Now they were twisted in an oversized, olive-green sweatshirt that you picked up from the sale bin of the convenience store for dirt cheap and they didn’t write jack shit.

You also hated olive-green.

Nothing personal. It just wasn’t your color.

“You’re a psycho bitch to put up with him,” Yoongi commented.

He wasn’t wrong. “I’m a psycho bitch all the time.”

“Yeah, and I don’t date crazy.”

You thought you would feel insulted, but you were past the point of caring. Also, there was something about the way his calm voice said it. Like he knew what he was doing. Huh. That was a silly thing to think. Of course, Yoongi knew what he was doing. He did it. He let you in his studio when you tracked it down and camped out until he showed up. He had listened to your psychobabble and didn’t back away when you pinned him to the wall.

This wasn’t dating.

“At least, I thought I didn’t,” Yoongi added, not touching you.

He fucked you too. He wasn’t a starfish in bed, that was for sure.

“I wanted to get back at him too, you know,” that deep, hazy voice murmured beside you. “That bastard turned my friends against me, stole my mixes, and cut out all my connections. Made me start from the ground up, alone.”

Yeah, you did know that. You helped badmouth Yoongi. In the name of love.

Shit.

“Sorry.”

“You’re not sorry.”

Ouch.

“And you shouldn’t be, ‘cause what’s done is done and being sorry isn’t going to change anything.”

You untwisted your hands from each other, realizing your knuckles were white from anxiousness, and relaxed them on your bare knees. Best you could, anyway.

“Yeah,” was the best response you had. This fucking boy ruined your life and stole your eloquence too, apparently. Motherfucker. “You’re right.”

Neither you or Yoongi said anything.

Minutes passed.

Another night in the condo and both of you were sitting on a mattress with a single blanket, deflated pillows, and a box of condoms on the floor.

You touched his forearm the same time his hand moved to grip your thigh.

And then it was the don’t-look-him-in-the-eyes challenge, and he was doing the exact same thing, eyes averted, black hair over them, lips grazing your jaw. Breath against your ear. Hot. His neck under your lips, flexed, fair skin with remnants of bruises, and your teeth sank in, making new ones, listening to his hiss and feeling his hands slide under your sweatshirt. Weighted palms and blunt nails. Digging in.

“Harder.”

He scratched you up as you climbed into his lap, tasting flesh.

Those firm hands gripped your hips and forced them down. Grinding. Softness to growing hardness, unhooking your bra, hands all over like you had lost your mind, your thighs squeezing his sides, yanking his shirt collar down and licking up his collarbone, dripping spit, shivering as you saw it glisten over his marred skin.

Clothes coming off, thrown aside. Guitar sliding to the hardwood floor as bodies tumbled. Your hands on his chest, your hard nipples pressed into the sheets as Yoongi slipped his hand into your hair and shoved your head down. Mouth open, tongue curling around. Moan striking the air, echoing in the nothingness.

Hard, hot, now wet.

Up, down, hitting the back of your throat, unable to choke in the adrenaline of lust, in need, in desire for pain, rubbing your tongue all over as Yoongi face-fucked you hard and fast, thick cock swelling in your mouth, your lips grazing the swollen head and making him shudder, saliva slipping down your chin that was smacking into his balls.

Was it shameful that you were good at it?

Sex solved nothing but you sure had a lot of it as if it did.

A sharp gasp and salty cum filled your throat, drinking, swallowing with effort and the burning sensation of your locked jaw, maintaining the soft tightness. Tongue tracing the contours, keeping him hard, hearing the rip of a foil packet above your head.

You hadn’t even realized that Yoongi had let go of your hair, letting you lick him all over at your own pace.

“What position?” Yoongi panted, husky and breathless in the mostly empty bedroom.

Mattress, chair, desk, laptop. Oh, and guitar.

Bodies on the floor.

You didn’t say anything.

You just turned around and slid down, elbows on the bed, knees spread, ass up.

“Alright then.”

You bit your lower lip.

You almost turned your head, almost looked back, just to check, right, just to check he was okay with it, and then strong hands gripped your hips, lifting them, sliding in, condom on and stretching you out right away, his knees pushing your knees apart and forcing you to arch your back for the angle.

No chance to look back.

You gasped, gripping the sheets, blinded by pleasure and the fading resonance of pain.

Hard.

Deep.

You pushing back, deep not deep enough, hitting your preferred depth and letting your eyelids flutter, veins burning with the repeated ecstasy. One of your hands lifted and reached back, squeezing his hand on your hip, and the grip became tighter, fingertips digging in, smacking his hips into your ass, and your body threatened to throw him back, carnal power meeting his every thrust, clenching around his hard length, and you could hear Yoongi growl your name, low and deep and voracious.

Somehow, his name fell from your lips too.

Rough and sinful, no better than an animal.

His nails dug into your back and dragged down, burning lines into your skin.

Your head tipped back and you moaned, a clear, shameless sound that would become familiar to this ceiling. Pooling wildfire, tightening muscles, wasted nectar sticky between joined thighs, surge after shivering surge of orgasmic apex stinging your veins as you barely registered Yoongi’s shudder and blissful groan, feeling the pulse inside you made than hearing the sound.

The rush of blood roaring in your ears was far too loud for you to hear anything.

Your face felt hot, so hot.

Gripping the sheets, twisting them, pulling them off the edge of the bed.

This moment.

Very few things were as intense and exigent as an orgasm. Fleeting, but a violently memorable. Pure nothingness of soaring high. You chased it. Again. And again. And again, your fingers tangled in Yoongi’s dark hair, pulling it over his face but he didn’t look at you anyway, eyes closed and teeth trapping his lower lip, breath trapped in his chest, driving his hips into yours again and again.

You both kept going until the limits were reached.

The darkness willingly swallowed you up.

-

Min Yoongi always considered himself a rational person, which was precisely why he found himself entangled in the break-up between his former best friend and the only woman he ever considered committing a felony for.

Yeah.

He also didn’t believe in love at first sight.

She was still way too hot for that idiot though.

His eyes could communicate well enough with his dick. The short skirt and exposed thighs didn’t really help either. Still, Yoongi had let it be. Respect was keeping his distance despite racing heartbeat and keeping calm despite shaking hands. He got used to it once the late-night talks about music and wordplay became a regular thing. Sometimes they talked about general life and were surprised on how well they aligned. Still, she never spoke poorly about her then-boyfriend even though there was plenty to talk about.

Scorched earth was their sacred ground.

It was painful to witness.

Yoongi regretted valuing the friendship, mostly because it didn’t mean jack shit at the end of the day. He regretted believing in the elegant, age-old saying.

Bros before hoes.

Tch.

But mostly, Yoongi regretted pretending like nothing was wrong.

He would see the pain in her expression and not say anything. Watch her pack it all away and greet him with warmth that he didn’t deserve because he had a racing heart and shaking hands every time they met. He would watch his former best friend disappear into hotel rooms without explanation and Yoongi knew damn well it wasn’t right, but he kept his mouth shut because he was a coward, something he figured out later.

He could have washed his hands clean of that shitshow, but instead his hands had held her shaking shoulders and watched her struggle not to cry on that cold night.

Yoongi considered himself a rational person, but never a good one.

Too many ways to judge, and her lips had already connected with his as soon as his shoulder blades hit the wall. He didn’t stop it. Maybe it was bitterness. Vengeance. Hate.

No, it wasn’t any of that, actually.

He didn’t know exactly what but, in that moment, Yoongi knew that he would murder that asshole if he saw his former best friend’s face right then, ready to commit a felony all because those beautiful eyes couldn’t look at him, closing instead to blink back the tears that bastard didn’t deserve.

That meant something, all right.

He knew it could take a long time. He knew it would almost certainly be hopeless. He knew he would probably end up with a broken heart and broke as hell. He knew it was a bad idea and he knew it was going to tear him up, this spiral, but when he found himself looking up to the ceilings of these mostly empty rooms, this condo he now half-owed with the woman that was formerly his best friend’s girlfriend, and Yoongi found he didn’t know and he didn’t care what the future held.

She had trouble sleeping.

Less trouble after exhausting themselves.

He had trouble sleeping too, but that was because he was staring at the ceiling and wondering just how rational he really was. One hand behind his head, under the pillow. The other resting on the blanket, on the curve of her hip, feeling the steady hum of her breathing.

She never cried in front of him.

He knew she did cry, because he heard her in the bathroom sometimes. But never in front of him. Showed anger, yes, but never acted helpless even though it was perfectly reasonable to feel that way after everything that happened. Living on the least for his sake, even to the point of skipping meals and spending all her time trying to write, trying to get back to her livelihood, trying to get past all the false starts. Personally, Yoongi felt that she should give up for now and heal herself, but he also knew how it felt to feel stubborn and useless.

Hah.

It was weird, being so close and yet so far away.

He felt it most in the nighttime, even though that was when he was closest to her.

He was never going to be the same. He knew that. He already wasn’t, surprising himself with his own recklessness, and for what? He didn’t even know what she was capable of reciprocating after receiving all those scars. Didn’t even know if he was the right one, if he was better or worse, if…

If he was believing in something that wasn’t there.

Yoongi closed his eyes and went to sleep.

-

Livid.

It was weird. Feeling it. In the past, you buried it, numb, and promptly lived in delusion. But now you could feel it. What was more, you let yourself feel it. There wasn’t anything to stop you except for the occasional mental peanut gallery of you’re a bad person if you feel jealousy, but anger could overtake anything if you let it.

You stared at the scene before you, several meters away.

Seething.

It felt good.

Mostly because it was honest.

It surprised you. You hadn’t expected to feel anything. Sad, maybe. You had already been cheated on, so naturally you assumed the cycle would begin anew, just with less promises and in the gray area of uncertainty. But, no, instead of being distraught and delusional, you felt maddeningly, viciously, nearly on-the-edge of making a fist and dislocating Min Yoongi’s jaw from his skull because he was speaking to a female-presenting human at the entrance of the building that housed his and others’ music studios.

Did you lack context? Yes.

Would that get you arrested? Yeah, probably.

Would that probably not get your laid anymore and label you as an unhinged psychopath? Without a doubt.

But would it feel good?

Don’t know.

You had never punched someone before, although maybe you should have practiced on your ex-boyfriend. He was probably a more deserving candidate. In any case, you remained frozen in perplexation at your willingness for violence because you were pretty sure your… relations… with Yoongi were nothing more than a lonely bitch and a spiteful silver tongue executing revenge, so the amount of fucks you should give about Yoongi speaking to any human being – other than the obvious health and safety precautions – should be zero.

None.

Basket of fucks empty.

And yet.

Clearly wasn’t since you were mentally calculating the angle and force for jaw dislocation while having zero experience in doing so. In any sort of non-virtual manner, that is.

Hm.

Your hands were firmly in the pockets of your black cargo pants. The hip ones, although you had plenty of choice. You kept them there for the safety of passerby or, maybe deep down, yourself. This caused your jacket to fall open, the outlines of the sew-on patches and thick, bunched-up black denim crowding the space between your forearm and waist, your black cropped tank exposed to the chill evening air. You used to wear a plethora of band t-shirts, but, well, those were probably in a landfill or rotting in a secondhand shop.

You figured you would be cold. Unsurprisingly, the anger kept you warm.

Huh.

You thought about turning around and just straight up leaving, petty and picturesque of course, and then Yoongi seemed to sense your projected violence, looking up from the conversation. Dark waves over his cheeks, striking body line, backing away, hiding his eyes for a moment, not that you could see them that well from this distance. You twitched.

The girl reached out.

Yoongi simply bowed, out of reach, and pushed the glass door open.

Honestly, her role in this moment was so miniscule that you completely ignored whatever she did or possibly could have said to Yoongi’s retreating back. Sharpened gaze, and then he crossed the street with the crowd, walking past oblivious bystanders who may or may not become the harrowed audience of the next thirty seconds.

He stopped before you. Bomber jacket, white shirt, black track pants. Monochrome elegance.

You looked up at him, saying nothing.

Over one shoulder was his usual guitar bag that held said instrument and his yellow notepad sticking out of the pocket. He used it to jot down whatever came to him. You almost said something. Almost. Then you remembered that if this, this between you and Min Yoongi, if this was supposed to be nothing, then weren’t you supposed to do nothing but voice your casual annoyance for making you wait rather than, well.

Admit insecurity?

You looked away quickly.

No, it did not matter how reasonable it was, you didn’t like knowing that somehow you had been weakened by an ex-boyfriend, barely a man, no, a mere locust at best, so it was better to not say anything and accept that this was–

“Sorry, I got caught up with the staff about ending my lease.”

Compromised.

You didn’t look at him. “What?”

“Gonna end my lease this month and move my studio stuff to the condo. I can’t afford both.”

He had told you this already. It had been your idea. You already knew you were overreacting to a situation that you created in your head rather than reality. And, yet, the best your mind would allow was uh huh, a plausible explanation, sarcasm included.

“Ah. Right,” was your sharp, mildly frigid reply.

“I can’t read your mind.”

Do you intend to be exhausting?

Your mental peanut gallery was super annoying.

You breathed in. Cool, crisp air. The sound of cars and people bustling in and out of stores. You breathed in again. Did you really intend to be exhausting, irrational, and, worst of all, dishonest? Really, after all that had happened? After getting here, standing here, arriving to pick up Yoongi at his request to do the grocery shopping together?

You turned back to look right into black-brown, piercing orbs.

“I just realized that I have the ability to be jealous,” you exhaled, draining your lungs. “It’s unpleasant and not nearly as delightfully pivotal as the media makes it out to be.”

Something fluttered in those orbs.

Or maybe it was the wind catching his bangs, drifting black strands over his eyes shadowed by dark circles.

Yoongi half-smiled.

“Makes for good songwriting material though.”

There was an air of helplessness to his words. A tone you couldn’t define, except for the understanding, which left you both baffled and with a sense of guilt. There were emotions in that barely-there smirk on those familiar lips. Relief. Maybe a slight bit of shame. A shadow of guilt too. You realized people were glancing at you and him as they walked past, wondering why you both were at a standstill on the sidewalk. Yoongi seemed to not notice them or care.

You pulled your hands out of your pockets.

“Come on. We should go before it gets dark.”

Before you noticed it, your hand was rising.

You pulled it back, but not fast enough.

Yoongi’s free hand reached out and grasped around yours, strong fingers enclosing. Sliding up, calluses on your palm. Your hand lowered, slowly, your eyes moving in the opposite direction. Lips parting. His hand was colder than yours.

You stared at Yoongi.

He looked back, expression unreadable.

“I don’t hold hands,” you said, suddenly breathless.

You tightened your grip.

“Neither do I,” Yoongi replied, taking a step, on the cusp of walking past you, his hand around yours. “I simply just don’t like the idea of yours getting cold when I can do something about it.”

Previously, when you held hands, it was always with a purpose of showing public affection. The look-how-real-this-is-because-there-are-clear-witnesses show. Front row tickets nobody asked for. But this.

This.

You blinked hard and the sting was inside.

The sting of wasted time.

Your name in that raspy, soft voice. Familiar. You looked up, not saying anything and hoping the eye contact was enough. All Yoongi did was smile lightly and tug your hand.

“Let’s get take-out and shop tomorrow. We have plenty of time to eat healthier.”

-

“You can cry in front of me.”

Min Yoongi heard her breath hitch and still.

Seconds that felt like hours ticked by. It was the dead of night. Or maybe one could call it the time when honesty came to life, if the conditions were right. He knew this time well usually with a drink in his hand, but this time he was laying on his side with bruises of bites and carnal memories lingering on his fingertips.

“I wasn’t crying.”

Her voice was thick and strained from trying to keep it even. Her moment of jealousy had happened days ago. He had recognized it right away. Call it personal experience. He also recognized that she didn’t like to feel that way. It was obvious from her torn yet furious expression. It confirmed a lot of things for him. Still, she seemed pleased to help him move and set up his things in the bedroom. They found the living room to be a bit too echoey due to the large space so they switched the two, pulling the mattress to the living room and setting up his equipment in the center of what was formerly the bedroom.

He told her to paint the condo.

She had mentioned in passing that someday she would like to paint her entire living space black. Not this place, because he owned it too, and you probably think I’m crazy for wanting a dark space, huh, Yoongi? He asked her, why wait? No one lives forever. We’re just passing through.

She had given him a weird look.

We own this condo. Paint it.

There were cans of black paint waiting.

Yoongi had intended to go visit his family over the weekend. His parents and his brother who had recently been promoted to head chef at the classy restaurant he worked at. Someone in the family needed to have prestige. Well, that was his own personal feeling. Surprisingly at this point his parents had even up on telling him to get a higher-paying job. They told him to simply be happy.

And get married.

Yeah, about that.

He was still trying to get used to the music producer thing, for fuck’s sake.

“Are you afraid I won’t understand?” Yoongi let himself say, not turning around yet.

Sometimes, people didn’t want you to see them weak. He could understand that.

Call it personal experience.

A shuddering sigh. Deep breaths. Words bogged down, drained.

“I can only be so pathetic before I lose my mind recalling the past,” she mumbled. He felt her weight deepen on her side of the bed, as if she was trying to melt into the mattress. “I made things hard for myself. For you. It’s pointless to cry about it anyway. In the end, it only makes me look ungrateful.”

Yoongi thought about it.

“It’s true that you probably shouldn’t have involved me.”

He shifted, laying on his back now.

“But I’m not a good person either. I agreed, after all,” he murmured, his skin tingling with bruises and carnal memories. “Hm, to be honest, he was always a dick though, from high school till now. Always will be, I fear.”

“You’re easygoing enough not to be affected by his asshole behavior.”

“Not my job to change people. I leave that to parents and clueless fools.”

A pensive silence. Surprisingly not an irritated one. She seemed to accept it.

“Why did you become his friend?” she asked, staring at the ceiling with him.

“We just happened to like the same thing. Music.”

“I’m lucky you decided to become his friend.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “I’m lucky that somehow he managed to bamboozle a hot and clever girl, two things he’s obviously not.”

She almost laughed. Almost.

“Who the fuck uses the word bamboozle?”

“You had to admit you were bamboozled, because you sure as hell weren’t dick-drunk.”

“Oh? You think you’re that good, huh?”

“No, I just know he’s that much worse.”

The faintest of chuckles.

“You… You get better every time,” she admitted. “I think I just caught you off guard the first time.”

“Firstly, I don’t like wasting time and, secondly, I had given up for a while before…” I met you. “Romance seemed like an expensive, worthless distraction when I could be using that time and money trying to push the band forward,” he pivoted, running a hand through his hair to push it out of his eyes. “Then that went to shit.”

“Sorry.”

Automatic.

He chuckled darkly. “I’m confident I got the better deal.”

A trembling pause.

“Why do you think that?”

He reached over and placed his palm on the top of her head, lacing his fingers in her hair. Messing it up.

“Tell me the truth. Was he good at sex?”

A burst of laughter. “Really? Alright. No, he wasn’t. He sucked. Thought he was a piston of a muscle car instead of a human being. Oh, and once he fell asleep on top of me.”

He cocked an eyebrow. Turned his head and forced hers to turn as well.

She was smiling.

Yoongi found his chest tight and breath shallow.

“And you didn’t leave him then… why?” he pressed.

She winced, albeit playfully. “I yelled at him. A lot. I don’t know, maybe he was tired.”

“Not an excuse.”

“I know, I know…” Sigh. “I… I didn’t want to believe I made the wrong choice.” Her eyes shifted, but her body was still turned to face his. “I… It made my entire family angry, dating him. Especially my parents. They would never forgive me and hold it over my head forever. I had to make it work. I thought, if only I worked hard enough…” Another heavy breath, squeezing her eyes tightly. “I know it was pride, but I wanted to prove to them and myself that I could do anything. Bad choices? Maybe. But they were mine. I don’t want my life decided by what is best for me. If I suffer for it, those are my consequences.”

Her eyes opened, but barely.

Yoongi kept his hand on her head, running his fingers through her hair.

“I… I feel like shit because now you’re stuck in my mistakes,” she breathed.

He liked to touch her hair. It felt comforting.

“You know what your problem is?”

She glared under lashes and dared him.

Undeterred, he continued. “You blame yourself for shit that hasn’t even happened.”

A disapproving frown. “Hah?”

He tapped her forehead. “You think it’ll bother me if you cry, but what truly bothers me is that you cry alone.” Pushed back the strands, and now he was closer, sharing breath. “You think I’m stuck in your mistakes. Mistakes don’t inherently have only negative consequences. They almost always exist in a gray area.”

“I... I know that,” she grumbled, face against his chest.

“I did say you were clever.”

A drifting, drowsy silence.

“I’m not clever,” she whispered to his skin, pulling her body closer. “I just like you.”

Yoongi felt himself losing to sleep.

“I’ve always liked you, since the moment I saw you,” he muttered into her hair, breathing in the familiar scent, so quietly that he wasn’t sure if he said it at all.

-

“Ah? Yes? Sorry about that. Oh, yes, uh, I’m painting. Everything. Yes, I’ll be sure the keep the windows open. Thank you.”

You closed the front door of the condo. Well. You had expected nervousness, but somehow the conversation between you and the downstairs neighbor had been very calm. Apparently, he worked from home and wasn’t expecting the loud crash of the ladder from your unit.

In your defense, you hadn’t expected it either.

Thankfully, you hadn’t been on the ladder, only trying to figure out how to set it up. It was one of those compact ones that saved space but required some innovative thinking to get the taller height you needed. One crash and a YouTube video later, the ladder was now secure, and then came the knock on the front door.

The thoughts flew by – I don’t belong here, I can’t do this alone, they’re going to scold me and I haven’t even done the upper half yet – but the guy just seemed curious and confused. Didn’t even comment on your awkward outfit of navy boys’ basketball shorts and ill-fitted gray sports bra. Both on super sale. You were still wearing your bra because of the incorrect size, so the gray blob was bordering on ugly-ass tank top.

Look.

Some people had clothing they didn’t care about to paint in and some people had to dive in sale bins because they left behind most of their wardrobe and, with the clothes, their bad memories.

That was the intent.

Things rarely go as intended.

For instance, you thought you were going to feel imposter syndrome for a neighbor knowing that you were painting your own goddamn walls. You turned away from the door after you locked it, frowning. That’s right. Like it or not, bad decisions and minus an ex-boyfriend later, these were your walls. You looked up, out the large, floor-to-ceiling living room windows, and saw the sunlight sparkle over the sprawling city, walls painted half-black and half white surrounding you, and you could say that you never wanted to be here, but.

It was a sick view.

We own this condo. Paint it.

Your muscles were sore from the repeated swiping motion of the paint roller, but there was still this inexplicable energy coursing through you.

“What if it doesn’t look good?” you had asked Yoongi.

He had shrugged. “Then we paint it again.”

“It’ll be dark.”

“Wow, really? I thought black was supposed to be bright and cheerful,” was the sarcastic quip. “Just believe you have good taste and paint the damn walls.”

This condo was an investment that made you poor.

That was the truth you needed to face.

You have good taste.

You scrunched your face slightly as you remembered Yoongi’s facial expression. Was he… praising you or himself? You squinted. This guy. Picked up the paint roller again and saturated it with ink black, making crispy crinkly sounds as you shuffled over the plastic. Good taste. Well, that was relative, wasn’t it? Everything was at the end of the day. You climbed onto the ladder and began the repetitive, monotone motion once more but at a higher elevation. You should have put your music back on. Your phone was on the plastic-covered mattress and you were not about to go back down until you finished this section or ran out of paint. This was going to be a long process, but you had several days and too much time as Yoongi had already left to visit his family.

Now you were alone with a lot of paint and mind-numbing fumes.

Shit, you should have opened the window.

You would have to paint a second coat anyway. Who cared if the first coat was shitty?

Sigh.

Climbing down and doing your due diligence before returning to your post.

You had forgotten once again to put your music back on. Hah. Well, that was fine; you had yourself. You didn’t mind being alone. Heh, sometimes it was better to be alone. You continued rolling away, hardworking in the consistent rhythm. Thinking about it now, this might have been the first time in a long time that you were okay with being alone. Before, you had felt guilty whenever you weren’t thinking about your relationship. Huh. Odd. Was it some kind of mental self-reassurance when you knew something was off? It was hard to tell, but possible.

Everything was off about that relationship. You just had too much pride to admit it.

You sighed, climbing back down to reload.

Wait a second. Was this why there was that wider step towards the top of the ladder? You poured some more paint in the tray and carried it up with you. Oh shit. Wow. Innovation. You coughed and went back to a different patch of wall. No one saw that. See, perks of being alone.

Well, you didn’t hate Yoongi being here.

You stopped painting.

You didn’t just think that.

You went back to painting. Shut up, nagging feeling. You furiously painted on, ignoring your soreness, telling that little voice in your head to shut up, because there were plenty of reasons not to think stuff like that. Firstly, you weren’t ready to think stuff like that. And what if it was only hopeful transference rather than genuine feeling? Asshole or not, your ex-boyfriend’s betrayal of trust was not something so easily overcome. It wasn’t fair to Yoongi either, pretending to like him if you weren’t sure.

You liked Yoongi before you broke up, too.

Wasn’t that fucked up?

You sighed and came back down, careful to scoot the ladder without spilling and causing a mess. Back up and at it. Of course, it was fucked up. And you knew it was, which might have been why you let it get that bad. Might? Was why you let it get that bad. Two hypocrites were meant for each other. You huffed, puffing your cheeks. It wasn’t enough to hold the ticking grenade; you had needed confirmation it was a, in fact, a bomb.

Maybe even hoping it would end you.

It didn’t.

For some reason, you thought Yoongi could see that in you.

Damn, he’s really living in your system, hm?

You frowned.

Your phone rang.

You almost jumped, startled at the sudden sound of an old song you used to enjoy. Back when you were a teenager, and the memories came back as you climbed down. A kid who just really liked rock’n’roll, and parents who did not, but that kid didn’t care, annoyingly setting it as her ringtone on her shitty flip phone. Couldn’t you be her again? Before you had time to ponder, you checked your hands for paint and picked up your phone, answering it.

“Hello?”

“Did you eat?”

You blinked, sitting down on the crinkly plastic upon hearing that deep, raspy voice. “Uh, no. I was gonna stop by the convenience store when the first coat was done.”

“No, you weren’t. You were gonna skip a meal,” Min Yoongi tutted. “Because you don’t want to be a nuisance and use the money I had left you.”

Damn. He knew you, all right.

“If I forget, I forget,” you grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, pick up the food order from the front desk when it comes. They told me about thirty minutes.”

“You don’t have to order food for me. I’m not a kid,” you hissed.

“It’s the pho spot you like and if I don’t put food in front of you, you won’t eat. You intend to do all that hard work without some fuel?” A pause. You made a disapproving noise. “And I know you’re not a kid. By the way, what’s your waist measurement?”

You remained a grump. “Why?”

“I’m here, so I’m going to buy you some clothes.”

“Don’t buy me clothes. Don’t spend money–”

“You need things,” Yoongi cut you off. “Unless you want to come with me? You don’t trust me?”

“That’s not it and you know it,” you snapped back. “It’s not worth–”

“Of course, it isn’t. It’s vain and silly and superficial. And I’m still going to buy you things, so tell me your waist measurement.”

“Yoongi, this is your hard-earned money,” you puffed out, exasperated.

“Yeah, and I make money to provide you with a good life because I think you are the most important person to me. So, do you want me to guess with my hands or are you going to meet me halfway?”

Dead silence.

He called your name, softly.

You told him in centimeters.

“Got it. Don’t forget to check the front desk in thirty minutes.”

-

“I love you.”

His hair was stuck to his face due to sweat. “What?”

“I said I love you,” she said, staring right at him, their chests shuddering from exertion.

Yoongi couldn’t believe it, but also he wasn’t surprised. The room still smelled faintly like paint. The windows still had no curtains or blinds. They were still fucking on the mattress in the center of the living room and he was holding the used condom when she said I love you.

The walls and ceiling were all black, covering them in darkness as the city below glimmered with light.

“I love you,” was his reply.

It startled him, the suddenness of his response. He knew he did. Of course, he did, and he turned away quickly, making his way to the kitchen and throwing away the condom, skin tingling, cheeks aflame, and he was startled by the feeling that remained. He hadn’t expected those words to come out of her mouth even though he was sure of his own feelings. Yoongi had resigned himself to not hear it from her lips. He also didn’t need to hear it to know that it was true.

He saw her head to the bathroom.

Time was funny sometimes.

Suddenly they were both staring at each other on the mattress, the usual ritual completed, and the moment suspended.

“You didn’t have to say it,” he finally said. “For my sake.”

“I didn’t.” Her hair curled over her shoulder, caressing her curves. “I said it for my sake.”

Blankets and pillows and questions.

“I wondered about the validity of it,” she admitted to him. “Been wrong before and all that. Might still be wrong. So, I said it just to see if I regretted it.”

“Ah.”

They stared into each other’s eyes.

“Do you?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No.”

He half-smiled. How very simple yet complicated. He understood. “All the paint fumes really got to your head, huh?”

She looked up at him and he realized with a start that she, too, was half-smiling.

He reached out, smoothing her hair.

“You have a pretty face, Yoongi,” she teased, eyes sparkling.

He raised an eyebrow.

“I thought it would be too cliché, you and me,” she continued and the tone was different now, softer and more serious. “I thought you would get tired.”

She meant, of me.

He had thought this was cliché too. Cliché didn’t mean worthless though. His hand fell, and rested over hers without a second thought. Warm and against the sheets. “If I felt that way, I would have stopped speaking to you long ago. You could take care of yourself too.” Not safely, but could. “Except for money.”

She smirked.

“So you’re saying I need a suga daddy.”

Yoongi twitched.

“Part of me wanted to sell the condo as soon as possible,” she went on, casually glossing over the comment. “But the realtor said it would be a bad idea. I wouldn’t have any buyers without a minimum of six months or a year. Too many superstitions. Part of me thought I should…”

She looked up to the ceiling.

It was a high-rise, after all.

“All the reasons to move here were his. More convenient, better opportunities, owning rather than renting for the investment… I believed in it, more than myself.”

He didn’t say anything. Couldn’t because all those things had benefitted him already. He didn’t only agree to move in help her out. He was still a working music producer. But she didn’t seem to be saying it to condone him.

“I didn’t really think this place was mine until I painted the walls.”

Yoongi thought he should at least confess this part. “That’s why I told you to paint them.”

A small laugh. “You don’t like it, huh?”

“Don’t you remember the walls of the old studio were dark gray? That was my doing. I always resented the last place I rented because they didn’t let me paint the walls.”

“Ah… He painted over the gray.”

“I bet he did.”

They had fallen to the bed now, side by side.

“I didn’t think this would work out,” she breathed.

“I thought it might,” he hummed.

“Why?”

“You’re hot and clever and I wanted you from the first day I saw you.”

A warm chuckle. “Just like that?”

“Well, you had to give me a chance. Couldn’t make the first move due to the circumstances.”

“It was a convoluted and confusing one.”

“Eh, life’s unfair.”

-

“Your husband already paid.”

Your what?

“What?”

The cashier waved you away. You shuffled back, dazed, seeing Min Yoongi emerge from the bathroom in the corner of the restaurant, tucking a bit of his long black hair behind his ears and finding you in front of him.

“The cashier just called you my husband,” you declared.

He shrugged.

“Surprise.”

You blinked at him.

Patrons chatted and laughed as if this was a normal day. The music was horrendous covers of cheesy 2000’s pop. It was very strange, but the pho was good and well-priced, which was why Yoongi and you came here often after his meetings with music companies. Popular talent was in high demand.

He ticked his head to your outfit. “I know you like this dress I bought you, but you’ve left your coat at the table.”

“Oh, shit.”

“You’ve been scatterbrained ever since you started writing again.”

“Shut up.”

--

masterpost

[chrollohearttags]

i can’t get this eren brainrot out of my head so i’m putting it here 🫶🏾 like just imagine rapper eren noticing y/n being upset about something, maybe it was a mess up at her shoot or a couple hate comments about her under an insta post and eren is just not having it. he’s gonna buy that girl enough roses to fill up the living room, probably make a couple secret fan accounts for her and spam her comments with some love and then fuck her nice and slow at the end of the day <333

godddddd I love this! tsym!!! Like when I tell you, y’all are gonna have to pry this pairing from my hands..😭

cw: !black fem reader, hate comments, hand holding, missionary, pussy eating, crying (not dacryphilia though), (heavy) praise kink, affirmation, tub/shower sex

there were so many things that came with being a public figure..having to maintain your image at all times, looking nothing less than extraordinary. Making sure to say the right things to avoid falling under public scrutiny and always presenting the best version of yourself. Even so, with all that criteria being met…sometimes it still wasn’t enough! (Y/N) (L/N) understood that shit all too well. As someone who made their living off of social media, it was all but inevitable to be immersed in the virtual world but some days, you just wanted to deactivate everyone of those accounts and disappear..today was one of those damn days!

Starting off like any other, you decided to take a quick scroll through your feed, queue a couple posts and check your mentions. It was then that you’d be bombarded by hate comments…nasty trolls calling you all types of hurtful names. Saying everything from your body being fake, to you being a slut because of your provocative pictures to even saying your husband should leave you. Which really set you over the edge. Normally, you’d be able to block that ignorance out, both literally and figuratively but they were laying it on thick and your patience wore thin in return. So much so, you had a very short temper today. It wasn’t intentional but you really didn’t want to deal with anyone today..including your loving husband, Eren. Who had merely asked what was wrong, even cracking a couple jokes before you inevitably snapped at him, which he knew was completely out of character. “I’m fine, Eren..please, just go away and let me sleep..” Anyone else would’ve been met with equal energy and an attitude but he had never seen you so down and depressed. Which he just couldn’t bare the sight of. Naturally, he wanted to know what or who rather had caused his baby to be upset but it wasn’t until he decided to log in to Instagram and as clear as day, there they were..the hateful things being said about his beloved wife. He wasn’t much for going back and forth on the internet because he wanted to beat the hell out of them but that wasn’t plausible so he’d go for the next best option….and that was spoiling you rotten!..

six hours later and the entire living room was filled from doorway to foyer in dozens of red roses. Petals scattered across the floor and a teal gift bag with ‘Tiffany and Co.’ inscribed on the front. The first thing to greet you once you came back home. While driving around in hopes to clear your head, your husband was hard at work..not in the studio but ensuring that even though you had a bad day, the night didn’t follow suit. Being met with a text that read simply: ‘meet me upstairs’..it was then that you found him in the granite garden tub, setting in the center of the spacious master bathroom. Bubbles surrounding his nude body and an opened bottle of aged Merlot sitting on the side of it with two glasses..you couldn’t help but to smile for the first time in twenty four hours. “You’re not gonna keep me waiting, are you?” that sweet charm turned on tenfold tonight. You couldn’t believe he had gone all out and done this for you! But not one expense was spared when it came to his princess..he’d pull out all the stops to see that pretty smile again. Stripping from your clothes, (y/n) eventually steeped into the foamy pile of bubbles and immediately falling into his grasp. “You did all this for me, baby?” to which he’d merely chuckle, knowing damn well he’d hand you the world on a platter it were possible. “You know I couldn’t stand to see my angel upset. I had to fix that real quick..” Arms flung around the back of his neck and your tongue slipping into his mouth shortly thereafter. The two of you engaging in a heated makeout session, becoming immersed in one another; saying to hell with the comments and anyone else who thought that you shouldn’t be together. You were the only woman he wanted..would ever need and he’d spend every waking second until the early morning proving it! Tomorrow morning, you’d probably wake up to a plethora of positive messages, doting on you via a couple burner accounts he had his assistant make, where they spammed you with heartfelt praise. But for now, he had a display of love that were only possible for him..

like when he brought you to the bedroom, lying you across the mattress as he marked your smooth mocha complexion up with sensual kisses..warm breath making contact with your cold, dampened skin. They were divine but you hadn’t felt anything yet!..it was only when those gentle pecks trailed south to your mound, that he’d peel your thighs apart and place his palms into the flesh to keep you still. The last thing he needed was you trying to run when he began slurping on that cute clit. The swollen pearl glaring back at him with a thin line of slick between your plump lips. Dragging the tip of his tongue through it just to watch you shudder..knowing that he would have your legs full on shaking in a minute. Doing as he done best and eating your pussy until you trembled underneath him; bringing that to fruition in less that ten minutes. Locking your fingers together so that you held hands whilst he licked all between those pretty thighs and slit. “You taste so good, baby…so sweet.” Devouring you in every essence of the word..spitting, lapping, sucking and flicking to make you come in his mouth. Even when you grabbed his head and pushed him away, there was no stopping. He wanted to melt that stress away..fuck you so good that your mind was completely void of any negativity or hate. Which is exactly what happened when he leaned up and proceeded to tap his tip against that sensitive sex.. “..stay just like that..I got you.” Reassuring with a smile on his face before swiping a thumb across yours. He’d keep that hand cupped around your cheek and your heads pressed close as he slid in..you were so tight; a sign of how tensed up you had been but he had all the time in the world. He’d go as slow and gentle as you needed him to. This was all about (y/n)..starting out with soft, fluid strokes.. “..you’re so beautiful, (y/n)..I love you so much.” “..doing so good, taking this dick for me. Does it feel good, baby?”

both statement and question making you unclench those tight bundle of nerves and open up for him. Shaking your head and crying in response..not because it was painful but because you realized how mean you had been to him this morning. Getting angry over people who didn’t matter but he understood and your feelings were valid. He loved you all the same and would never get mad. To take your pain away, not cause it was his only goal. Watching you sniffle with tears coming down your cheek; mixing with those sweet moans and apologies, Eren pulled you into a melting kiss, sloppy and slow just as you liked them. His chain and strands of hair dangling in your face as he burrowed over you body and whispered: “Shhh…it’s alright. It’s okay..you just let it all go.” instructing with his dick throbbing inside of you. Telling you how beautiful you looked with him inside of you..how pretty you were when you came and all the other sweet nothings you nerfed to hear. He wouldn’t stop until you climaxed as many times as you pleased; releasing all that stress and tension until you fell apart in his arms and each time, he’d always be there to catch you..

[unabashegirl]

Enticing 26 (HS)

Summary: Harry is a young billionaire and CEO of his own company. He mostly keeps to himself, he is stern and very meticulous when it comes to business. He also likes to keep his personal life very private for the sake of his newly born son Oliver Styles. It isn't until he meets Y/N Y/L/N that everything changes. She becomes his new nanny after his previous one quits due to personal reasons. She is young, caring, and sweet. Will they ignore their feelings? Will Harry's girlfriend accept their love and leave them? Will she be able to cope with his busy agenda? What about Oliver's mother? Where is she? Who is she?

Author’s note: Ugh! I can’t wait for all of you to read what I have planned for this series. It’s all I think about lately. I’ve even gotten my boyfriend involved. A boyfriend that I have turned into a Harry lover with my own obsession. I confess that I’ve just recently let him into my little secret world. He had been suspicious of it but hadn’t said anything. Last week, I confessed everything to him, and it was such a relief especially because he is now a big supporter of it all. He even gives me ideas. Anyway, enough about me! Let’s get started. Happy Reading everyone!

words: 1.6K

— all chapters of Enticing —

It was late, around eleven o’clock when someone knocked on his apartment door. He was dozing off while he read the latest book by his favorite writer. The knock and the ringing of his doorbell startled him. For a moment, he considered not opening the door, but curiosity got the best of him and got him out of bed. As soon as he looked through the peephole, he was frantically trying to open the front door.

“What are you doing here?” Patrick asked Y/N, she looked beaten down and disheveled. Her mascara was running everywhere, and her eyes were red from all the crying that she had done on the ride over.

“C-can I stay here?” He pulled her into the apartment and shut the door before pulling her into a tight hug.

“This is your home. Of course, you can” Patrick kissed the top of her head as he held her tightly and she cried.

Y/N finally felt safe and comfortable. They sat on the couch while she continued to cry. It felt like a nightmare. She felt like time had stopped, and her future was a blur.

“Let me get you something warm to drink” Patrick had never seen her as broken. The last time she had been so broken was when her father had passed away and back then Y/N had been solely consoled by her mother. He started to warm some water for some tea and made sure to bring her a blanket.

“H- He accused me of cheating on him,” she said from the living room while he finished serving two cups of chamomile tea. Patrick frowned, disapproving of her ex-boyfriend’s accusations.

“On what claim?” He asked her as he carefully carried the teacups into the living room. “Weren’t you in Italy?” Y/N nodded and reached out for the tea. She took a sip before continuing.

“James messaged me while we were in Rome.” Y/N confessed which earned a gasp from Patrick, “He wanted to meet up and discuss some things. At first, I ignored him and blocked him from a new profile that he had created on Instagram to reach out to me. But then he texted me”.

“How did he get your new phone number?” Patrick had been very careful to hand out her phone number to people. Ever since the night she left him, Patrick had always asked for authorization when people asked for her phone. “It wasn’t me. I swear”.

“I don’t know, and I know it wasn’t you. I still haven’t been able to figure that part out.” Y/N exhaled loudly, feeling a bit calmer. “Harry freaked out, and after everything that has happened involving Oliver’s mom and his ex”.

“It’s irrational! So, he kicked you out?”

“I left” She confessed, wiping some tears off her face.

“Y/N” he sighed, “why? Didn’t you love him?”

“I did” Y/N’s voice cracked, “I do” she sniffed, “But how can I have a relationship with a man that expects me to trust him with all sorts of women, but when the time comes, he can’t give that sort of trust back to me?”

Patrick knew where she was coming from. James had cheated multiple times on her during her relationship and she had turned a blind eye. Y/N had been a fool in love before.

“I deserve better” She tried to convince herself, “He met up with them, Patrick. He had secret meetings with Ashley, and it wasn’t until Valeria revealed it to me that he confessed to it”. Patrick pouted at his best friend and pulled her into a big hug.

“You are totally right. You deserve better.” Patrick had always thought that Harry was it for Y/N —that he was her forever. He was shocked at the turn of events. It had been very hypocritical on his part to point fingers at Y/N when he had lied to her. “Let’s get your room and bed ready”. He still had a few questions to make, but he could tell that Y/N was done speaking. Patrick also knew that she needed to get some rest. “Would you like me to prepare you a bath?”

“No. I just need to be on my own.”

“I understand” Patrick set her bed up and got new bedsheets and a clean towel. He wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. He knew that she was in pain and the next few days would be harder for her.

Just as he had predicted, Y/N went through it all. A few days turned into five then into a week. Before he realized a week and a half had passed by since she had arrived that night. Patrick would check on her in the morning and find her sitting on her bed without any sleep. He would make her breakfast and would come back to it barely touched. Y/N barely left her bed unless it was for peeing, taking a shower, or throwing up the food that she had just attempted to eat.

On the fifth day, she finally accepted to take a sleeping fill that Patrick’s psychiatrist had ordered him to take for his insomnia and anxiety. She slept wonderfully until nausea got her straight out of bed. So, Patrick bought her melatonin gummies at the pharmacy and made her chicken soup most of the day since it was all she could keep down.

“Enough! I love you, but you are killing yourself” Patrick cried, he had just arrived from work to find her throwing up in the guest bathroom. It had been two weeks since she had broken up with Harry. “You are going to get up and change, and we are going to go out on a walk.”

“I can’t” she cried, “I can’t go out there, Patrick. Not when every corner of this damn city reminds me of him and of what we could’ve been.”

“No!” He explained, “What’s meant for you will stay and he didn’t! He didn’t fight for you, so you don’t get to lie around and kill yourself slowly. Do you think he stopped going to the office after you left?! No, because people count on him and need him”. He was tired of seeing her so defeated. He missed her. “And I need you!” Patrick slapped his chest with every word, emphasizing how hard it’s been to see her so broken.

Y/N gently sat up on the bathroom floor and flushed the toilet as she looked up at her best friend.

“So, get up! Get ready! We are going out on a walk and getting some Starbucks.”

Y/N eventually got off the floor and took a hot shower. She had lost multiple pounds, enough to allow her to see her hip bones. Her skin was dry and the bags under her eyes made her look unrecognizable. Patrick was right, she thought.

“Ready?” She had dressed in some leggings, vans, and a puffy sweater. It had started getting colder in New York, warning the people that winter was just around the corner, and it was going to be a hard one. Patrick hooked arms with her just as they left the apartment building.

“Isn’t it nice? Didn’t you miss the fresh air?” The trees had started turning, and the leaves had begun to fall. Y/N was quite surprised at how quickly the city had changed in her absence.

“I have,” she said a bit teary eye, and for the first time not about leaving Harry, but about missing life.

After getting their drinks, they sat in Central Park on a bench and enjoyed watching other people walk past them.

“Should have ordered a hot chocolate too or a pumpkin spice” Patrick said as he drank his ice caramel macchiato.

“It’s chilly, and you decided to order a cold drink?” Y/N giggled after sipping her hot chocolate, “You are an idiot” Patrick laughed along, even though his fingers left like icicles against the cold cup.

“You giggled!” He pointed out, it had been a while since he had heard her or seen her smile.

“Thank you” she genuinely thanked him. She suddenly felt emotional and wanted to cry for having such a wonderful friend as Patrick. “Would you like my chocolate?” She offered.

“Is this your way of saying thank you? A Starbucks chocolate?” He gasped, “Outrageous. I deserve much more, but I’ll have some”.

“No, it’s not believe me. I just that I feel nauseous all of a sudden.”

“I thought you were doing better! Stop making yourself sick, Y/N.”

“I am not! Everything has been making me nauseous lately, and I can’t keep anything down”. She confessed, “You thought I was making myself sick?”.

“Don’t be mad about what I am about to say.” Patrick had thought that her nausea had been part of some weird psychological episode caused by her breakup and depression. “What if you are pregnant?”...

Click below and join our community on Patreon if you wish to continue reading Enticing and get access to 5 more chapters.

TAGLIST: @0oolookitsme, @happycupcakeenthusiast, @kennedywxlsh, @hsfics, @stylesbrock, @cuddlingwithharry, @sucker4angstt, @bluemoonedwings, @cherriesrae, @vornilla, @mellamolayla, @harryscurls21, @stilesissaved, @be-with-me-so-happily, @harryssattelitestomper, @jerseygirlinca, @tenaciousperfectionunknown, @lomlolivia, @stylesfever

[winchesterwild78]

Chance meeting pt 15

Part 14

18+ Minors DO NOT interact

Please be kind and all mistakes are my own. All work is mine. Please don’t take or copy it.

Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, Jensen being a sweetheart

Chapter Warning & Summary: Angst, Fluff, people being ugly, insecure reader, Jensen being a sweetheart and falling in love

A/N: This chapter is Fluffy and has a little insecurity, then fluff…maybe foreshadowing 🥰. Our lovebirds are falling in love and everyone sees it😁

———————————————————————

You woke up to an empty bed. When you reached over and felt nothing you frowned a little. You rolled over and looked at the clock. It was after 9am. You crawled out of bed, showered, got ready and went downstairs. The house was quiet. You looked around for Jensen and the kids but didn’t hear or see them. You noticed a note on the counter.

Y/N,

Took the kids to the store so you could sleep. Be back soon.

Love,

J

You smiled and put the note down. You made a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen counter sipping it. You grabbed your phone off the charger and looked at the screen. It was full of notifications. Your eyes about popped out of your head. You opened Instagram to see hundreds of new follower requests and tons of tagged pictures from the con. Then you started reading comments. Some, most were supportive and sweet, but others were downright rude and hurtful. You tried to ignore them but for every sweet comment there were at least two ugly ones. So many people commenting about your weight, how you were a whore who threw herself at him in his vulnerable state, how his ex was gorgeous compared to you. One person even started bashing your children and called you a gold digger who was on the hunt for their new daddy.

Your heart broke and tears started streaming down your face. You knew this was going to happen, but this was not what you expected. You heard the garage door and quickly wiped the tears away and cleared your throat. You got up and started cleaning the kitchen to avoid eye contact with Jensen or the kids. You didn’t want them to see you upset. “Hey Miss y/n, we’re back and we got you a surprise” you heard Jensen’s son say. Jensen came up behind you and hugged you “good morning baby” he whispered in your ear as he placed a kiss on your cheek. He pulled back quickly because he felt the wetness. He spun you around to look at him and his face sank. He saw you were upset and had been crying.

“Hey guys, why don’t you go clean your rooms and the playroom. I need to talk to y/n about your presents” he said. The kids got excited and left the room. Jensen turned to you and took your hand. “What’s wrong baby? Is everyone okay, are you okay?” He asked with worry in his eyes. You shook your head no then looked at him and said “I shouldn’t have read the comments.” He looked confused for a second then he realized what happened. “Oh baby, don’t do that to yourself. There is always going to be nasty comments and posts about us. I know it’s hard but you’ve got to block it out. I love you, the kids love you and that’s all that matters” he said as he wrapped his arms around you. You buried your face in his chest and just cried. “I know Jens, but they said some horrible things. We haven’t even gone public with our relationship and they are trying to tear it apart.” You said through hiccup sobs.

Jensen realized you were right. The only thing he’s done was at the con, but nothing more yet. Nothing official that is. He knows the fans want confirmation of anything through social media or an official statement from his manager. He decided he was going to make it official. He calmed you down and got you a cup of tea.

The kids came back in and they were so excited to give you the surprise they had for you. Through all the crap you almost forgot. His oldest walked over carrying a small bag and all three kids were grinning ear to ear. She handed you the bag and said they all picked it out and wanted you to have it. You looked at them and then at Jensen. He was smiling and nodded. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait for Christmas” you asked. They all said “no, open it now please.” You took the bag and pulled out a small box. You looked confused but opened the box. Inside were three charms, 2 girls and 1 boy. The charms contained their birth stones. It matched the one you wore for your kids perfectly. You gasped and smiled. “It’s perfect guys. Thank you” you said hugging them with tears in your eyes. You took your necklace off and added the charms. Once you put it back on you put your hand over it and sighed. Jensen leaned down and kissed your head. “They wanted to be represented too. They love you so much already, y/n. We all do.” He said. You looked up into his eyes and smiled saying “I love you all too. So much”.

You took a picture of your necklace and posted it to your Instagram. Jensen also suggested you keep your original profile private and create one that is public if you wanted to. He explained they all do that so some things are kept private and others aren’t. You understood the need to share some to the fans and some things were kept private. He also suggested any pictures of family you didn’t want people to see faces you could always put a sticker over their face to protect their privacy. Again, another good point. He helped you create a public profile and he was your first follower. You giggled when it popped up. “Come here baby. Let’s take a picture together” Jensen said pulling you close. “I look horrible, Jens” you said shying away from the camera. “Nope, you’re beautiful.” He said as he snapped a picture of the two of you. You had to admit it was a pretty good one. Jensen posted it under his account and tagged you. His caption melted your heart. “Guys, this woman has stolen my heart and the hearts of my kids. She’s selfless, caring, loving and kind. Even if she’s a little shy in front of the camera. As you can see from the second picture I’ve already been replaced. 😉” He posted the picture he took of you and him, and the second was of you and his son snuggled in your lap. You smiled and then your phone started blowing up with notifications and new followers. All the comments were sweet and full of congratulations. You smiled as you read them. “See, babe they aren’t all bad.” He said kissing your cheek. “I know” you said. You pulled out your phone and added a comment on the post “oh Jens, you know I can’t resist his sweet face. I love you so much!”

Other people including Gen and Jar commented. What you didn’t expect was Jensen’s ex to comment. “Y’all this woman is amazing. She’s so good for Jensen and she’s amazing with our kids. She’s accepted me and everything that comes with our family. I’m so glad my kids have her in their lives. It looks like my little man has already gotten attached 🥰”. You smiled when you read her comment. Jensen kissed you softly and said “see it’s not all bad. They are gonna love you as much as we do.”

You posted the picture of your necklace and tagged Jensen. Captioned it with “I got to add 3 charms to my necklace today. Thank you to Jensen and the kiddos for the beautiful addition. Now all our babies will go everywhere with me. 💜💙💜💙💜” The response to your post was positive. Jensen of course had to add a sweet comment that got everyone commenting about how sweet you two were. Jensen reminded you not all the comments would be positive but to just remember it’s the love at home that matters most.

He’s absolutely amazing helping you navigate being in the limelight. You know it’s going to be hard at times, but with him by your side it’s going to be okay.

Jensen stood up and walked over to you with his hand out. You grabbed it and he pulled you up into his arms. “I love you, y/n” he said as he pulled you into a kiss. You melted into his arms and deepened the kiss. “Come on, let’s go get some shopping done.” He said as he pulled away. “Jar and Gen have offered to watch the kids while you and I go do a little present shopping.” He said as he pulled you into the living room. “Are they sure they want to watch them for the afternoon” you asked as he walked to grab his boots. “Of course they are. I told them you wanted to get the kids some presents and I wanted to go with my girl. They were more than happy to watch them. They are family, sweetheart and we have each other’s backs.” “Okay, let me go get ready. I’ll be down in about 20 minutes.” You said as you climbed the stairs.

You went upstairs and started to get ready to leave when you heard a soft knock on the door. You opened the door to see Jensen’s youngest daughter standing there. “Hey sweetie, you okay” you asked as you knelt down beside her. She looked nervous and a little worried. You noticed she started fidgeting with her hands and her voice came out almost in a whisper. “Yeah, I have a question for you Miss y/n.” You stood up and scooped her in your arms and sat on the bed with her. “Of course sweetie, what is it. You can ask me anything you don’t have to be nervous.” You said trying to reassure her. She sat on the bed still fumbling with her hands and wouldn’t talk. You knew it was something big otherwise she wouldn’t be so nervous. You were getting a bit nervous too the longer you sat in silence. “Honey, whatever it is you can ask me. I promise it will be okay.” You took her little hand in yours and rubbed it. Her head was still looking down and she said “do you really love my daddy?” “Yes, sweetie I do. I love your daddy so very much. He makes me feel safe and happy, and I love you guys too. Just like you were my own.” You said trying to get her to look at you. Her beautiful little eyes met yours and she took your necklace in her hand a gave you a soft smile. “We love you too and I know daddy does cause he wants to marry you. He told Uncle Jared he wanted to.” You smiled at her and gave her a big hug. You hadn’t noticed Jensen come to the door, he was watching and listening to the interaction between you and his baby girl with a smile on his face. “I would love to marry your daddy sweet girl. That’s just something we would have to decide together.” You said looking at her wide smile. You looked up and saw Jensen with a smile. He couldn’t believe how fast his children were taking to you. You smiled softly and she climbed down. “Okay. See you later” she said with a grin on her face.

“Hey sweetheart” he said with a smile. “Hey babe” you said as you stood up. “You know how much I love you” he said while placing a soft kiss on your lips. You smiled and said “I’m starting to think you’re not the only one.” “Nope, definitely not.” He said popping the “p”. He grabbed your hand and led you out of the room and downstairs. Jared walked in just as you got downstairs. “Hey guys, I’m here to grab the rugrats. Gen has a fun day planned for all of them while y’all go shopping.” You gave Jared a hug and told him thank you for taking them so you could go shopping with Jensen. “Not a problem, we’re family. Now I expect something amazing for Christmas” he said nudging you. You both laughed. Jensen grabbed the kids’ coats and you helped them put them on. Hugs were exchanged and the kids climbed in Jared’s car.

You grabbed your coat and purse and Jensen was grabbing his coat and keys. “Ready to go, sweetheart” he asked as he opened the door. “Yep, let’s go” you said walking outside. The drive to town didn’t take too long. Jensen grabbed his hat and sunglasses and you chuckled. You knew it wouldn’t help too much, but it was cute he tried. You had a list of gift ideas for everyone you planned to get something for. It was a longer list this year but you were so excited. You still hadn’t decided what to get Jensen, but you had planned to figure it out this shopping trip. Maybe Gen had some ideas. Jensen was walking hand in hand with you as you walked into the store. As you both made your way through the store you started to notice the stares and whispers. “I think you’ve been spotted” you whispered to Jensen. He looked around and grinned. “Yeah I think so too” he said trying to not make eye contact. For a few minutes you both walked through the store picking out gifts for everyone on your list.

Just as you were about to head to check out a woman came up to Jensen. “Um, excuse me are you Jensen Ackles” she asked with a little tremble in her voice. “Yes ma’am I am” he said flashing her that killer smile. “Oh wow, um can I get a picture and maybe your autograph” she asked. “Of course you can.” Jensen said then smiled for the picture. Pretty soon there were so many people around him and he was so gracious. You stepped back trying to give him space. He made eye contact with you and smiled a smile that seemed to say “I’m sorry”. You smiled and nodded your head. You knew this came with being with him. It was hard, but you know how much he loves his fans.

Store security arrived to see what was going on and thank goodness they helped with the crowd. After about 20 minutes everyone had their pictures and autographs and you were ready to check out. Jensen walked over and pulled you into a hug. “I’m so sorry about that y/n. Usually it doesn’t snowball like that” he said placing a soft kiss to your lips. “It’s okay babe. I understand.” You said offering him a smile.

You headed to purchase your items and Jensen walked beside you. You felt his eyes on you and you turned to see him staring at you. “What” you asked with a shy smile. He smiled and said “nothing just looking at the most amazing, beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” You blushed and smiled. He always knew what to say to get you to blush and oh the butterflies that fill your body. You made your purchase and headed for the car. Jensen opened the trunk and helped you put the bags in. As he closed the trunk he put both of his arms on either side of you bracing you between the trunk and him. You looked up and he kissed you. No words were needed. The kiss said it all. He loved you and you loved him. What could possibly go wrong.

@kr804573

[vanessaroades-author]

Let’s look at what happened from June 13th to July 13th. (ARCs, Preorders, Sales, Marketing!)

Note: I’m not talking about costs here and likely won’t ever. However, my author buddy JAL Solski has an awesome write-up on the costs, tax considerations, all sorts of numbers, of publishing their sapphic fantasy duology! I’m also very fond of Ros’s write-up on expectations and goals related to post-publication.

Before you start–some disclaimers on my experience

First, expect very little! These numbers will not impress you and honestly there’s a part of me that’s pretty embarrassed, like I'm advertising that I'm a big dummy who can't write. But all in the name of honesty & transparency!

Something I hear a lot from other new authors is, “Am I doing pretty good? Am I doing really badly? I don’t know.” Well, here’s another batch of numbers to consider!

Deep Roots is currently only available as an eBook & through Kindle Unlimited.

I’m not writing anything trendy. By a long shot. I can throw “queer fantasy” on it but that’s kinda the most I got. (When’s the last time you saw a runaway indie hit that didn’t have a ton of romance?)

I’m not popular on social media (260 IG followers with on average <10% engagement and <200 TikTok followers).

I have so many friends in my corner. Someone should stop you at the gate to the Indie Publishing Amusement Park of Hell and tell you, “Listen, if you want any hope of staying sane, make author friends.” Besides helping you navigate tech questions or giving second opinions on your cover, and, you know, understanding and empathizing with you, your friends will be the ones who comment on your posts, repost them, tell their friends, add you in their newsletter, read, and review. That can mean sales…but that also means having people lift you up and celebrate with you.

Advance Reader Copies

I began posting about ARC sign-ups April 4th, sent the first round of eBooks ~May 5th, and closed applications on June 2nd.

I didn’t use a service like Booksprout or Booksirens, just plain old BookFunnel and email (therefore my reach was entirely reliant on my social media efforts). I was most talkative about it on Instagram. I only posted like once or twice on Tumblr and TikTok, but they went really well for my standards.

Sign-Ups: 51

Reviews/Ratings:

By publication day I had 4 ratings/reviews on Goodreads, 1 on Amazon, and 1 on StoryGraph.

After 31 days I had 6 reviews and 10 ratings on Goodreads. 1 extra rating on StoryGraph; Amazon stayed the same.

Note: I was really lax with my ARC team about when reviews should be sent in. I was clear that I didn’t care if they were pre-publication (partly because well…I read ARCs a lot and I know I can’t always get to things on time, and partly because I didn’t decide a publication day until fairly late in the timeline).

However, from what I’ve seen for other authors, a pretty low return on ARC readers isn’t entirely uncommon? Kind of a kick in the confidence regardless.

Preorders

Total of 7. I don’t remember when I opened preorders, but I believe it was around the same time as the ARC application.

Marketing (sort of) from June 13th to July 13th

I ran a small (kinda last-minute) campaign for extra merch & an extra story for anyone who preordered or purchased during release week. I said that I would re-run this campaign for paperbacks.

These are my Tired Girl numbers:

Instagram: 5 posts specifically about DR. 2 non-DR related.

TikTok: 7 videos specifically about DR, most getting ~300 views, though one broke 1k. (Notably, I didn’t post about the release week extras on TikTok at all.). 2 non-DR related.

Tumblr: One post I would send spinning around the block every once in a while. Definitely lowest priority.

Release Week Sales

eBook: 3

KU: 15 pages read

Release Month Sales

eBook: 4

KU: 594 pages read

Future Plans

*Releases one giant sigh* I’M FREEEEEE

Once the book is written and done, cover made and words edited, there’s only one thing left in your control: marketing. Everything else is up to chance (honestly, marketing is up to chance a lot of the time, too).

But I pretty quickly decided to take it easy on social media. A wave of burn-out that had been chasing me since last summer finally caught up, and I don’t think I’m alone in saying that when I saw like no return on investment for my posts or chatter, I was like, “Okay, I’m going to rest, instead of pushing this boulder up this hill, then. I deserve it.”

One plus of having paperbacks come out way after the eBooks? I get release day Part 2! (With fun new props for pics and videos!) I have a good list of video ideas & drafts, but I would always look at them and think, “Wouldn’t this be better to do when the paperbacks are around?” And soon, they will be!

As for blog posts, I want to continue being transparent with things like this. I will (hopefully) catch up on the numbers again near the end of August, as by then I’ll be making the decision to keep Deep Roots in KU for another three months or not.

Until then, lower your expectations! It’ll keep you sane out here. Thanks for reading and hanging out.

[chosoguapo]

TW: DISCOURSE — TELLING THE TRUTH.

note: I don’t want to make anyone feel bad nor feel like they were wrong for defending someone they saw as a friend. i just want to clear the air since it seems like one side of this whole thing is being believed more than the other. so just saying this now, here i will be showing proof to backup @vilsoo claim of reni being on multiple accounts. also regarding this, i know nothing about the drama between like the rp accounts and other creators with reni. so that won’t be what this post is about. click read more to see the information.

okay so back in like March of 2021. i got this message from reni instagram account (which at the time i followed because of her edits, i believe). at this time reni made it seem like she’s never heard of like wattpad or the writing community at all. so i treated her as someone who had no knowledge about it at all.

now speed up to like a month or two. reni does a face reveal. now idk if y’all have ever been on Wattpad but there was this creator by the name of smutbunny-sage. I did not know her fr and didn’t talk to her (but I did interview her i believe). Before I even got to know her she got cancelled and reported. But when I interviewed her, she had this face reveal book. Now at the time I thought I was trippin, because reni and this sage girl looked exactly alike to me (from what I remember). so I was really confused as to why she made it seem like she’s never heard of wattpad or tumblr (or just the writing side of it). but i just brushed it off since I was 100% sure.

now i’m about to post two or three ss that are one of reni old accounts. okay so you cant see the name that she went by. but if you look at these graphics and the ones that reni have done with her themes. they look awfully alike. (also i think one of the icons is one that is in jes post, so it matches up). these ss below are from BEFORE she sent me that message. she was apart of a different friend group that didn’t get along with mines.

also for context the last ss is from when her (she went by something else and we weren’t friends) and one of my friends had a disagreement about their themes on wattpad being similar or lacking credit (with reni being the ones accused). the first one is from of her old accounts where she went by the name brattsmu when i originally dmed her but she later changed it to kazuwinx (again at this time i didn’t know this was sage and we weren’t friends).

okay now back to when reni made it seem like she’s never been on Wattpad or tumblr. i wanted to be nice and invited her to a gc with a bunch of my friends who are writers. just to have her know so people and gain some followers. alright so like a month or so after having her in the gc, I got dmed this by one of the members.

I won’t be including their @ in this since I don’t know if they are comfort with it. i will also be blocking out their names, unless they tell me they are cool with it. ignore the gc names 😭

alright now this ss is from when i kicked reni out the gc. me and her were still cool but a lot of my friend didn’t vibe with her like that. which I lied to her about and said that we was just kicking out inactive members.

okay to further prove that @vilsoo is not lying. i WONT be showing her face but I just want everyone to look at her hair.

the girl in this face reveal has locs just like reni does (ik not sure if you all have seen her face or not but i have. i was sent these as by someone who is still in her old server. but im sure she’s mentioned somewhere that she does have them. i think I’m the post she made about her age, you can see them in the corner.

before anyone asks about why I’m speaking up about this just now. tbh i had no idea ALL this drama was going around with reni. since tbh i don’t talk to a lot of you on here like that 😭 so I don’t know what friend groups she’s in and who’s she’s not cool with. but i got out of class and saw all this going down on the timeline. at first I thought it was jsut petty drama til I saw jes post. then reading all her info definitely confirmed the suspicions and things i initially said about reni. but chose to ignore since i didn’t have hard cold evidence that sage is reni and vice versa.

now, im not trying to cause drama nor do i want that. just trying to clear this up.

[maxverstepponme]

Imo there has been a very visible shift in the F1 community recently in regards to Kelly. I also think I know the reason. Kelly as of recently has been getting more support than before. I see it literally everywhere. On Instagram I see more and more people(gossip account admins and anons and comments)bring her up in a positive light. Were as the last few months 9 times out of 10 Kelly was brought up in a very negative light and if she was brought up positively it was quickly shut down(by admin or other anons). Are people finally forgiving Kelly or are they just forgetting? Personally to me it seems like forgetting so as a reminder Kelly Piquet is a Racist. Her father called Lewis the n word and has used the n word multiple times. Now I’m a strong believer in child are not responsible for their parents actions IF these actions are condoned but Kelly didn’t do that. She actually defended her father. Kelly also supports a fascist and spread fake news on her Instagram. This is a man who is responsible for 1,000s of deaths and said he was sexually attracted to a 14 year old girl. Kelly as a mother to a daughter you still chose to support this man. Are you really that money hungry? The place I’m starting to see Kelly more positively is here. There’s been a lot more “defending”(defending is too strong of a word but I don’t know what else to use). People used to pick apart every little detail of anything Kelly did and everyone here played along.(It was very fun let’s be honest) I mean every👏🏻thing👏🏻she👏🏻did👏🏻! But now people are more cynical the nonnies that do that. Like the other night. Even Steppy got on that one nonnie and said just let her have fun. 4 months that would never happen. Steppy is also much more dismissive now. The immediate dismissal of the bracelet.(And non of this I think is bad! I want to make it very clear I love this blog and Steppy and am not trying to be rude) What I think the reason for the blog becoming more lenient is the crazy delulu indian fan thb. I think it just left all of us with a really bad taste in our months. It’s like that whole thing just invalidated everything. Where any of the insider real? Where they ever really close to breaking up? Was it all fake? Was at least how I kinda felt when that happened. It made me feel like I’ve been delusional this entire time too. I know some of are insiders are confirmed but still it was a slap in the face for sure. But again let me do some reminding! Max and Kelly were for sure in a very weird place and probably still are and we have LEGITIMATE insiders! I’m literally only writing this and pointing this out because I don’t miss how the blog was(I hate Kelly but some of y’all were👀) but I do miss being able to theorize and talk things with it immediately being shut down. I also as you can probably tell don’t want it to be forgotten that the reason we have a problem with Kelly is not because she’s dating Max Verstappen but because she has said and done awful things! Thank you Goodnight😘

I’ll speak for myself, but if someone wants to add something to it, go ahead. Tbh, my take on things has more to do with my own “online safety” than with anything else, but also a bit of common sense.

I know it’s her and her minions behind the threats and all that, but this is getting out of hand and I don’t know how far they’ll go with it. This week only I’ve had to change my maxverstepponme Instagram password four times because someone keeps trying to get into the account. For what? I have no idea, but whatever it is they’re trying to find, they won’t. Jokes on them because I wipe out every conversation the moment I’m done talking with someone for this exact same reason. Plus, my account is only memes, so what’s the problem with it? Kelly has me blocked there and I’ve blocked half of her minions, so what exactly is so awful about my account that has them so obsessed with it?

Not only that, but I’ve been receiving threats again, and others have been receiving them as well. I don’t even bother taking screenshots anymore, I just block and wait for the same to happen again. I thought that maybe being less “judgmental” on her could help everything calm down a bit, but it’s obvious it didn’t. Also, I think that over analyzing and pointing everything her way just because we don’t like her makes us seem bitter, and everything we say loses credibility because of it. After all, we don’t need to nit pick everything she does, because Kelly herself gives us something to talk about every single day. Wether it is her taking advantage of Max, proving she’s a groomer, leaving her kid behind, you name it, but she’s always doing something, so there’s no need to make stuff up when we have it all there.

About the insiders, there are insiders that are legit, so don’t worry about that. I’ve also read things that have come from direct sources, so many things are correct and others not so far from the truth. Again, only time will tell.

I’m sorry if this was long, and I apologize for not opening up about this sooner, I didn’t feel it was necessary but oh well 💀

Good night nonnie ❤️

[finalfrontierpublishing]

2022: a bookbinding year in review

So after doing the 2022 Bookbinding wrap up on Instagram done by @paigetopage, I knew I wanted to write something in long form as my beginnings in fandom were as a writer and I want to reflect a little about how learning to bookbind has been. This will likely be introspective and a little self-indulgent, but it’s been a good year, and I never thought I’d ever be able to bookbind when I was first introduced to it on instagram nearly a year ago. 

Beginnings:

So I discovered bookbinding in March 2022 on Instagram, particularly the Dramione fandom which is very active there. I was instantly captivated because books? Fanfiction? Handbound hard copies? Sign me the hell up! At that point in time, desire for a physical copy was at an all-time high and I wanted copies, but hadn’t thought I’d be physically able to do it myself. I did look into getting bindings commissioned but it was really really really hard to get a commission slot.

Over time, though I did manage to get a few commissioned, I began to want to do it myself - bind fics the way I wanted, as well as bind in other fandoms that weren’t openly popular among the commissioning crowd. During the midst of this, I was still studying for the last couple of exams for my Residency training program and preparing to take a long break of a couple of months before going back to work full time. Closer to June, I essentially said fuck it and dipped my toes in, though my amazon prime page shows evidence of my indecision - I purchased bookbinding tools, deleted the order and repurchased them again. 

Getting started bookbinding is expensive, especially for someone with zero artistic endeavours in the past beyond writing. I had to buy so many things - and my spouse was a little concerned as in the past, my hobby was essentially collecting hobbies, where I’d fixate on a thing and then stop after a few months. Well, it’s been six months officially, my friends, and this is probably my most successful hobby to date.

I finally took the plunge when i caught COVID in July and have been binding ever since. 

What really changed my bookbinding journey was discovering the Amateur Fanfic Binding Group on Facebook and Renegade Bindery on Discord. The Amateur Fanfic Binding Group were very approachable when I was an itty-bitty baby binder who had no idea of what they were doing, and since then, Renegade Bindery has pushed me to want to do new things and push myself harder - it’s such a large and diverse creative group of people with different interests and focuses and man, I love to see what these crazy cats are up to, where binds are done for creativity’s sake and people do some stunning, beautiful things. It’s fucking beautiful and I don’t regret joining the discord for a second. 

Favourite Projects / Moments of Binding: 

There’s something joyous in realizing something is going well - and what I remember was this Eureka moment when I realized I could get the Vaster Than Empires bind done and I wouldn’t completely collapse the case and destroy it by poking FUCKING HOLES into it which I couldn’t take back. I did this in one continuous stitch and in my head i was just going hell yeah I don’t need to make the case again. 

Doing the maple-leaf pattern in a faux-binding style and watching it take root was literally the icing on the cake for me. I never thought I’d find binding to be therapeutic and stress-relief, but it is, and after a bad shift, sometimes I just want to go home and stitch a couple of signatures together or flip through a typeset and just randomly correct apostrophes and grammar. There are fucking endorphins in planning for the next project and THE NEXT PROJECT and so on. 

Total Number of Binds This Year:

I didn’t count the binds I did in the bookbinding classes I took in August, so my current count stands at: 

10 completed binds: 3 notebooks (coptic stitch), 7 fanfic binds cased in

I have one text block sitting on my press waiting to be finished, of which I will attempt to do so today, and I’m currently actively typesetting a 4-5 volume anthology of star trek fics, and maybe 3 volumes of hannibal fic, with 1 other hannibal fic that I’m currently typesetting. 

Gift Copies Sent Out:  1 fanfic bind so far, for the Renegade Exchange. I gave away 2 coptic notebooks as well. I now owe 2 author copies that I will work on from January 2023. 

Hardest Thing I Had To Learn: 

Oh fuck, learning how to typeset was a bitch and a half. Microsoft Word is usually the first tool noobies like me touch, and I’ve... semi-figured it out, I think? But man, at the start was it hard to pick up. Section breaks were a thing that transformed my life. Also, I am NOT artistic in the least, so THIS IS A SHOCKING HOBBY TO HAVE, guys. Canva and stock images are my friends.

Oh, and cutting straight without stabbing myself. I bought 2mm chipboard and now I am not afraid of cutting my bookboard for covers any more. 

Things I Still Haven’t Figured Out: 

The Guillotine is evil and I rely on the spouse to operate it. 

2023 Binding Goals:

I have a fuckton of artistic endeavours that I wanna carry out but I doubt I will achieve them all. This list essentially includes:

making my own endbands

(have found tutorials, have a spare ruined text block, finally bought the cord and the silk thread, but am still too chicken to try it out) 

doing cut outs for covers

it looks so hard, anyway I won’t be using my tinyass cricut joy to cut it out for me. hand-cut cutouts might end in me losing a finger but I really do wanna try it out so i might buy myself an exactoblade and sandpaper and try. 

cloth edges with half-binds 

I want to try backing

but I feel like a finishing press needs to be bought and er a backing hammer and ugh if I destroy a textblock from attempting to back, I will be sad. 

I’m not super interested in full painted edges, but I do think splattered edges are cool

Do more trades with bookbinders (I really do, but shipping is such a bitch and I really would feel guilty making someone pay for international shipping if they didn’t want to) 

Gift more binds to authors (THIS, ABSOLUTELY) 

Things To Remind Myself: 

It’s okay to be slower than other binders. My work schedule doesn’t allow for a book a day or a book a week and that’s okay. 

Measure your success through alternative means - I’ve decided that my goal is to bind what makes me happy and if I get to make an author happy in the process, that’s great! Engagement is a plus and shouldn’t be my goal. 

Do binding your own way. It’s okay to have limitations. I don’t have the ability to do full frames for books on my cricut joy. I doubt I’ll ever make dust jackets because I’d need to go to a print shop to make them. I don’t think I will ever do marbling because I don’t have a lot of open space to just throw paint on a surface and my dog loves to eat shit he shouldn’t which leads to Emergency Vet Visits of Doom. And all that is okay. 

To End It Off, A Shot of my Bookshelf:

Binding friends, if you’d like to use this as an inspiration to write your own binding wrap-up, feel free! Happy holidays and happy binding! 

[cocoartistwrites]

Hi Coco 💐

I need an advice/new perspective on this situation I’m in. I have a friend group of 7 people since high school and we stayed in touch throughout university. But we kinda strayed away because of work and some of us moved abroad. And we rarely talk anymore. That’s fine by me because that is life.

A month ago, I found out that one of girls in the group is going to marry in October. However I soon discovered that I wasn’t invited because she reposted all the bridesmaids invite. All the girls in our group are the bridesmaids. I’m the only one who is not invited.

I’m not mad that I’m not going to be a bridesmaid but I’m a bit sad because I’m not invited (she also has sent out all the invitation for guests. Even our teachers got an invite). She even invited our friend who lives in Australia. My friend got worried about me and she asked the bride to confirm about my invite. Turns out I really am, not invited. When asked why, Lisa (the bride), said that there isn’t enough quota for me. I’m not gonna lie, I feel hurt but I understand.

However some friends heard that I’m not invited and decided to confront me about it. When I gave them the screenshots, they felt it was odd because she also invited plus one. My friends who were the bridesmaids asked to switch her plus one to me, but Lisa outright refused and got superrr mad when our friends asked why. Everyone was confused because I have never had any drama with anyone ever. I’m very non confrontational and I tend to let people walk over me.

Our friends who were the bridesmaids threatened to leave the wedding if she doesn’t tell the real reason. Turns out, the fiancé have a folder of my photos in his laptop. Some of these photos are stalker-ish and recently taken (probably 3 months ago) according to my friend. My friends got mad at Lisa because what he did is wrong and doesn’t understand why I’m being punished for it. Our friends backed out of the wedding and already requested a refund for the bridesmaids dress.

Now this is all happening without me knowing.

I have never met her fiancé alone. We’ve met at a party because he was a mutual friend of my ex. But other than that, it’s zero interaction. Like ZERO. Now I’m a bit paranoid about someone taking pictures of me secretly. I asked my friends to not back out and stay with Lisa because I think she’s just being a bridezilla. However they’re pretty adamant about not going to the wedding.

Lisa has made several instagrams post throwing shade at me. Even though she doesn’t say my name, but everyone knows it was me. Another friend who is very much confrontational commented on her post saying that it was never my fault and that Lisa is being super dramatic right now. News broke out about my pictures on his laptop because apparently he made a facebook post saying he had deleted the photos and that the photos are not pornographics.

Some of my friends got mad at me because while all of this happened, I never said anything. I don’t want to press charges against him too. I never asked anyone to talk to Lisa about me. Lisa has been calling me and accusing me of ruining her wedding and saying that I’m jealous of her. I apologize for what’s happening and told her that I’m not interested in her man and never interacted with him. Then I blocked her because I am just so exhausted.

Sorry this is too long. I think I’ve done the right thing by not responding. If you think I’m wrong, please let me know.

Thank you so much Coco 💐

Oh my GOD. She sounds like the fucking worst and you’re never going to win whatever that battle she’s invented is so you’ve absolutely done the right thing. What the fuck?? Why would you marry someone who is a literal actual stalker 😭

You must be terrified that’s a really traumatic thing to happen tbh I’m so sorry. Not only has this woman tried to blame you and try to make you a pariah but you might have been in danger and didn’t know. And to top that all off this woman then blamed you AGAIN. I’ve written that out even though it might be a bit confronting because I think it’s really important to acknowledge that what has happened to you is really fucking shit.

What I would say is that I’m glad these other friends were good about it, they seem like good people. I hope you can talk to someone about it as in friends and family. Professionally, I think you should maybe tell a lawyer sorry to be dramatic but I get why you don’t want to press charges etc over this but you don’t know this guy and she sounds quite mad too and I do think having some record of all of this and any evidence would be a good idea just in case. It might also give you some peace of mind. Obviously if you’re feeling unsettled and observed you should also hit up a therapist for a couple of sessions but that’s more a personal thing so I won’t advise there. The lawyer is a practical solution, and means you don’t have to press charges but you do have a legal record in case something happens down the line - which it almost certainly won’t. I just really cannot fathom the pictures thing though. And then to marry him?

I think she’s probably angry with you because she doesn’t want to admit the truth to herself, which is that she is making a gigantic mistake and should have walked away the moment she found that folder (and like what else did she find you know??)

Also god if I stayed with a guy like that wild horses couldn’t drag that information out of me who did she tell and why?

Anyway I hope you’re okay. It sounds like you’ve done everything you can to be the biggest person in this so be proud of that. I really hope you get excluded from their narrative now, and thank god you’re shot of such weird and shitty people. And thank GOD you didn’t have to go to their wedding.

[bubblep0ppy]

hello, i’m nine and i’m here to tell my truth, as ridiculous and stupid that sounds, because you people have been only reading one side of the situation and i don’t think that’s fair. 

i joined with nailea devora to a group recently after more than a year of not even getting near to groups in general because as a lot of us know, people can’t control themselves and the hate they throw on a daily basis is honestly gross and my mental health can’t deal with that, but alas i was back for something i thought was fun, playing a dumb nepo baby who gets whatever she wants and plays dumb about it but in reality she had her ups and downs. she took me a while to figure out because i do love my characters and writing them 

during the first party of said group, there was a mixup and characters had to dress up and poppy’s group (she was the manager) decided on cowboys, now tell me, what would you do? because i jumped onto pinterest and found several pictures of nailea wearing a cowboy hat and i picked the cutest ones i found

did i check her age at the moment? no, because nailea is 21 years old and my character as well... why would i (and i quote someone from said rp) carbon date the pictures of my character? 

so i posted it and kept the party, poppy was around all day and as of the day i dropped her, she had the most tweet count in the entire group (if that tells you anything) 

during the party she was flirting with another character she liked since day 1 and they’ve been talking and it wasn’t a sexual relationship, just flirting like literally everyone in that group or the entire rpc for that matters 

him qrt that picture and poppy jokingly said “you let a cowboy ride you” or something like that, she never said anything actually inappropriate on main because she didn’t even say it on dms. 

and this is when things get wild because the yuqi fc started fights with everyone and i get that some characters are just assholes, i love villains in media, but in my opinion, some kind of ooc talk must exist before you right on attack someone on main, out of good manners at least (but we all know not everyone has that privilege) 

poppy ended up blocking the yuqi fc out of principle, she wasn’t gonna let some biter bitch to ruin her night (which ended with her sleeping alone btw, seeing as how much they care about my character’s sexual life) 

after that, the yuqi fc kept posting indirects or very direct attacks to my character, at one point it was all they posted and ignored it, i don’t like to get into drama that way and if they couldn’t kept poppy out of their mind.. well everyone has haters, right? 

this went on for WEEKS and poppy only cared about it when her friends sent her ss of the post cai made, and she was annoyed because her friends used to confront xem only for cai to laugh about it and not even give a good explanation 

i talked to the admins about changing my fc or even drop the group but i was convinced to stay because i haven’t been done anything bad. 

guess what? the bullying kept going. 

when i dropped the group for a day, i was tired of it (and other problems my chara found herself into even though it wasn’t plotted, again) and as soon as i left, cai mun posted an “apology” to the tl saying how it was a ooc thing that went ic for some reason. 

now to clarify, i have no idea who this person is and honestly i don’t want to give them the privilege to meet me or talk to me because someone with that much hate in their person is just not someone i want in my life. 

they claimed that the picture with the cowboy hat was of nailea being underage, which i can’t say 100% sure, but nailea deleted all of her underage pictures from instagram and this one was posted 3 years ago, when she was 18/19 years old. 

yes, younger than the limit for the group, but that doesn’t mean she was underage or even that i was using that to “infantilize” her, poppy was a very complex character and i don’t see how someone who was blocked for 90% of the time could say something about the way i played her... 

and speaking about the “sexting on main” i never did that and feel free to stalk my old account, the only “racy” thing i posted was a tiktok and it wasn’t even that graphic and again, it was posted for another person poppy was talking (not in a romantic way) 

but i don’t know, let the person obsessed with mario bros and calling themselves a “princess” for the entirety of the group to tell you who’s being childish 

[valyrfia]

Hi. I saw your post about people taking Lestappen shipping too far and I have to say that I haven’t seen anything of the sort. Like people have unhinged thoughts, sometimes. We are human and fickle and we get carried away. I seem to remember yourself asking for people to send unhinged lestappen thoughts to you a few weeks if not a few months ago.

I mean yeah, it is wrong to post about Lestappen on spaces such as X and Instagram and tag them and their girlfriends, friends family members etc. But this is tumblr people have all soughts of takes on different things. Besides, Charles definitely knows about Lestappen with the way he’s active on Social Media trying to look up what is being said about him. Max may know because of Lando or Charles or even his girlfriend. Let’s also not forget about the posts both Scuderia Ferrari and Redbull make about them which give the connotations of wink, wink, nudge, nudge. And are we forgetting the F1 LV post and the caption? It’s everywhere.

The other thing is saying they are not together and never willl be. Call me delusional but no one knows their real life situations. They could be together or not. You say they are not friends and aren’t even close but you don’t know that. It is clear from their interactions they are friends, they have a few mutual friends and even didn’t Max mention they meet at dinner sometimes? I mean idk what that means but they are closer than we think and it’s none of our business. Whatever we see on the media is not a clear depiction of their relationship. Max is vilified a lot and Charles is beloved and that has nothing to do with who they are as people or their relationship, whether good or bad. The thing I know is they clearly moved in from their childhood rivalry and they know just about every small detail that relates to the other person. There’s a lot out there to support that.

I agree with you that people need to create boundaries when it comes to RPF but let’s not act like it’s not okay for people to express their headcanons in spaces such as tumblr and leave it here. The only people who know the truth about their relationship is Charles and Max. Yeah maybe they can’t stand each other and play it for the cameras, maybe they wake up wrapped up in each others arms, maybe they are just friends or not. But they are the only ones that know. So let’s not gatekeep people from expressing their thoughts in the right way and in the right spaces. Just as you said not so long ago, you ship Lestappen because you don’t like Kelly or something akin to that.

So yeah people will ship and say what they want and they can’t be stopped. But it should be done in a good way that does not infringe upon anyone’s life. But let’s also let people have fun. And if anyone is unhappy about certain takes. Block people, I know I have.

Hi anon! Just want to say thank you for your time in typing out this ask, I appreciate it must've taken a while.

First of all, to clarify my words and clear my name. Yes I asked for unhinged takes, and most I received were very fun and lighthearted in the way we usually are on here. I want to clarify that there is nothing wrong with delusional takes for the most part and I'm sorry if that's what you took away from the little reality check post because I love the delusion. I think it's just also our our duty to be responsible for our delusions and reality check ourselves. For example, I did not respond to a couple who pushed it a bit far, such as trying to give Max's opinion on Alexandra. Or, to give an example that I'm also a fallible human being who needs a reality check, I got halfway through replying to one about detailed analyses of their respective mental healths relating to each other before I checked myself, realised that that is intrusive and made myself close my tumblr tag and delete the ask. Yes I do not like Kelly, and I have given my reasons for it. I have never once said I ship Lestappen because I don't like Kelly, those are two unrelated opinions of mine. I like being delusional about Max and Charles's dynamic, and I dislike Kelly for her politics.

Tumblr is definitely the safe space for RPF and I agree with that and I was not trying to shame people away from that. The point of my post was to ask people to think a bit more, because tumblr doesn't exist by itself in the social media ecosystem. I've seen my own posts shared on tiktok and twitter (I refuse to call it X I'm so sorry anon), without my permission. I see takes that started here on tumblr start to crop up on tiktok, twitter, and instagram where they multiply and spread very quickly due to the nature of those sites. My previous post was very much a plea to keep the RPF within this well-defined fandom space of tumblr, where we're governed by the peaceful rules of tagging and not an unfeeling, hungry algorithm. Max and Charles may know or may not know about Lestappen, but it's also not their jobs to set their boundaries about what is and isn't okay.

In terms of the wording I used in my post (ie. will never date). I used those words for a reason because reality checks work the best with absolutes. Can I say I know for all certainty that my statement is right? Of course not, I can't provide you with anything that is 100% true, but the absolutes help to provide some cognitive dissonance between the people we see on the screen/irl and the people we are delusional about on here. I have been in RPF spaces before and I've noticed a pattern that things started going south when people started being like "99.9% sure they're not together....but what about that 0.1%". Not at all criticising you for making that point anon, but I'm explaining my choice to use such high modality language in a reality check.

As a last note, if my words seem overly harsh it's because of my past with RPF where I've witnessed things like the 0.1% delusion, the tumblr to other sites jump of headcanons and opinions. Sure there was one thing that pushed me over the edge to make that post but in the past couple of weeks especially, I've been getting a dreadful feeling of deja vu which puts me on edge. I am very paranoid about the whole thing, I am a fallible human being. If you think I'm too harsh or you don't like my opinions, feel free to block me I really don't mind.

[storytimeswithdelilah]

How I met my boyfriend and my best friend almost called the police because she thought I was dead :)

This is my first post I hope you enjoyed my very true but so unserious story times about my silly little life <3

~

Me and my boyfriend have been together for nine months now, however we met in a very unusual way.

I had not long come out of a very disturbing relationship with someone I met in college, they were awful company and very often made me do things I did not want to do. However it was a few months after and we had only been together for a short time before I broke up with them.

I was not actively looking for a relationship at this point however I got a friend request on Snapchat from a boy. I reluctantly accepted and he began typing instantly. This low-key freaked me out being the sad little virgin I was but I waited until he was done. He basically started yapping about something I had no idea about but it sounded like I was supposed to know. I then asked him if I was the person he was supposed to add as I had no idea what he was talking about. He then realised that no, I was not the person he meant to add. He never blocked or removed me and he was just on my Snapchat for a while until he messaged me again saying he found me on instagram and that he thought I was cute. I then proceeded to tell him that was weird and that he was a stalker, I didn’t mean it I was in fact kidding. We began to talk more and more, we spoke for three months before he began to mention meeting up. He did not live near me, he lived in a city about half an hour from where I lived and I was beyond nervous. I’d never met anyone over the internet before and I was certain I’d get kidnapped.

So I began to put it off for as long as I could. Until one day I was out with some friends and he told me I wouldn’t meet him cos I was too pussy, he was joking, but I was drunk. So I challenged him, I was all like oh yeah I’ll meet you tomorrow after college. Why tf did I say that?! As soon as I sent the message I was like wtf what is wrong with me I am freaking out I don’t want to do this. But I couldn’t go back on my word.

My best friend told me I should go but to keep my phone on the whole time and message her updates and also to meet in public so I don’t die. Which was reasonable and I agreed. So on Thursday the 25th of may I got ready and made some dumb excuse that I needed to buy candles so we had to go shopping. I had no intention of buying candles because he was correct, I was a pussy and had no intention on buying anything because I was scared my card would decline for some reason and make everything awkward, I also didn’t want him to pay for anything because that was also scary to me for some reason.

So I got the train to see him and the whole time on the train I wanted to throw up, I also had an uncontrollable wedgie the whole time but that’s unimportant. I got off the train and saw him straight away and to be honest he was cute. And my dumbass said that. That was literally the first thing I said. “Oh how cute are you!” WHO TF SAYS THAT. He got all embarrassed and blushed and I was like Awh but at the same time I was like WHO TF SAYS THAT.

I decided to use my yapping skills to the full and just tell him some bullshit about my life to keep the conversation going which he didn’t seem to mind which was good. He then asked me what I wanted to do and me being weirdly scared of spending money had no idea what to do in this huge city filled with shops and restaraunts. He mentioned that I said I needed candles, so off we went into shops that I had no intention of buying anything from lmao. I’m not still like this now fyi idk why I was so weird.

We then found a spot to sit on in a park and we sat there for a while. We were talking and I remembered how he had asked me to be his girlfriend previously and I said no, I want to meet you before that.

His awkward ass straight up said “so am I your boyfriend now” and I thought that was super funny and I agreed that he in fact was my boyfriend now. I had no problem being his girlfriend I basically knew straight away that I did in fact have insane feelings for him.

However what I did in fact forget to do was update my best friend who was literally tracking my every move. My phone was on silent and I hadn’t messaged her since I got off the train.

We had a walk through the city for a bit and then we sat in the sunset and watched all the skater boys fall off their skateboards. Lmao sorry skaterboys.

I’m Ngl there were so many opportunities to kiss but he literally said he wouldn’t kiss me cause he was scared he would suck. I thought it was cute (he did kiss me on the second date tho)

It began to get cold and late it was like 9pm and he walked me back to the train station and waited with me for my train, before I got on the train he kissed me on my forehead and when I tell you THE BUTTERFLIES

I got on the train and was ready to text my best friend and give her the run down, however my phone died. I didn’t really think much of it in fact my first thought was that my now boyfriend would think I ghosted him.

I knew my mum was at my aunties which wasn’t far from the train station so I went there instead of home so I could charge my phone. When I walked through the door my mum and my best friend were there, my mum looked stressed so did my auntie and my best friend.

“What” was all I said. LMAO WHAT.

They immediately were like where tf were you we thought you died we were gonna call the police. They were all pretty stressed and I was like yeah my phone died. (Literally could not of given less of a fuck, nice one lilah) 😭

But anyways my friend forgave me we had a kebab and now me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 10 months.

And that is how I met him I hope you enjoyed there will definitely be more stories to come because I am a certified oversharer and yapper lmao.

Thanks for taking time out of your day to read <3

[nessthoughts]

-

Last night, I asked my ex if I’ve done something wrong for him to block me on his socials. He said that I didn’t, he just wants to give me the mental space I deserved. He also told me that he still deeply cares about me and told me that I’m the best girlfriend any man could ever wished for. However, I was checking on his Instagram since I got back on it. He followed a lot of new girls that I have never recognised, it wasn’t his friends for sure, I felt betrayed, and assumed the worst that it has to do with him sexually. But I don’t want to assume him and I texted him instead for it. I was right, he sent them dick pictures to ask about ‘third party opinion’ and reassures him because I destroyed his self esteem due to the things I said during our relationship. I was heart broken, sad, betrayed, disappointed, jealous, all of the above. I am aware that we aren’t dating anymore, and this behaviour is to be expected, but I didn’t expect it to happen this soon only after 2 weeks of us breaking up. I didn’t even have any contact to anyone or remotely close to whatever things he’s doing, I was just trying to survive in the healthiest way. I am utterly disappointed, because he told me when we broke up that he isn’t breaking up with me to sleep with other women or to talk to new women… but guess what, even if he’s doing it to cope right now, it still contradicts whatever claims he made. But who am I to tell him how to cope? I am not a professionals and I am nobody to him anymore. Realistically, there’s nothing I could do about it. It hurts me like a bitch, but what he said is enough, those answers were all I needed. I feel like the closure isn’t complete as a whole since it is through text, but I believe that actions speak louder than words, and I strongly believe that what your ex partners do after the breakup reflects how they think and feel about the relationship. And this shows. It isn’t even a month, but he did it. It is so painful, but my mum is right. “What’s meant to be mine, will come back and be mine. If it isn’t, it was never mine to began with.” And I stand by it. I still love him as much, miss what we did, want to relive everything, but his behaviour speaks volume.