#i can work for like 8 months of a year
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i seriously can't comprehend not having a summer or winter break when u get a job. what do u mean i have to work all year around
#no i need my three month reset#ideally i dont need a vacation to recover from daily life#but thats capitalism <3#at least school is fun#what if work is just stress and no fun#thats why i wanna work at the nonprofit i am a member of i like going there and i like the staff and i already do that work#as a volunteer and in internships so i could enjoy it maybe how i enjoy school#as long as the job is mentally and emotionally stimulating and not physically strenous#i can work for like 8 months of a year#same as how i go to school#ideally i only work 6 months of the year and 6 months i do something else#but once again <3 capitalism#actually audhd#actually autistic#actually adhd#🧃#see the reason im thinking ab this is bc i realized working means regular paychecks so less financial paranoia#and stability.. which i like and am always desiring with school i get a big sum of money every few months and then pennies rest of theyear#except last semester when i got my work study and now i realize i like being paid more regularly it helps with my financial trauma#so now i am thinking i wouldnt mind working (if i wasnt in school bc two at once is too much for me)#i could work 10 hours without being burnt out i think 15 max but that is pushing it. this is why i need my diagnosis lmao#at least i have affordable housing and benefits for food and utilities so i actually could work 10 hours and have enough to pay for things#but like adult jobs are usually full time idk like to be a staff member at a nonprofit like i want to be#idk im sure theres a way to do it how i want#or i could get a semi boring remote job thats early hours and i have the rest of the day to myself like summer 2022#i barely remember work from that summer bc early hours and i did what i wanted for the rest of the day that was a very good summer.. mMM#i want my whole life to be like that summer thats my picture board#but not broke ahah
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Two weeks with Aurora! Here's a recap of life so far.
Our targeted socialization was pretty successful, we managed a bunch of different experiences and she rocked them.
Monday: Busy street at rush hour
Tuesday: Train station
Wednesday: Construction site
Thursday: Bike path next to train line
Friday: Outside a coffee shop
Saturday: Baby hike in the wild
She's still doing great in overall good citizen behaviours. She has specifically been crushing:
✅ Sleeping through the night
✅ Name recognition
✅ Basic training skills
✅ Recovering from being startled
✅ Being crated quietly
Honestly she's doing amazing, I am so so proud of her. 💜
Areas for improvement for the week include:
✴ Bullying Pike (which is improving but still not great)
✴ Demand barking and overall noise level
✴ Chewing on the couch in excitment
Our biggest victories this week include:
🎉 Baby hike 2.0 with beautiful ranging, reasonable baby recall, and great enthusiasm
🎉 Calling off play with Pike on multiple occasions
Our big goals for next week:
🚀 Less harassment of Pinecone
🚀 Working through the foundation levels of the baby conditioning class I'm taking
Really excited for the next few weeks with this girl! 💜
#dogblr#rory borealis#about aurora#she is snuggling really really well without biting me#and she 'asked' for a training session the other night which was soooo sweet#i want to take her on the train today#and i want to take her to see some blow up xmas ornaments before theyre put away for the year#i would love for her to stop barking#but im remembering how loud mav was and he grew out of it pretty quickly#so im hoping she grows out of it as well#the conditioning class is pretty cool!#its for dogs 8 weeks to 8 months#conditioning is a weak spot of mine - i dont know enough to work through it on my own#so i think this was a great purchase#im excited to work through it this winter#i feel like if any dog can use more body awareness and core strength its probably a brittany#this photo is from last week by the way we have like no snow left
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I wish I could do school part time. It would make my life so much easier and I would have so much more energy to do things I actually wanted like create art and get back into community work and start new hobbies but unfortunately the university would send me to a glue factory for suggesting the current workload is overwhelming
#they take all of your funding away and disqualify you for applying to any grant#and disability benefits are a joke they would just make my life harder than it is currently#and like the funding I get right now is the only reason I can pay rent each month so lol. Full time studies it is baby!!!!#just reminiscing about the amount of organising work I did like 7-8 years ago. augh. simpler times
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OKAY FJRST. THE LITTLE DETAILS FROM THEIR CANON DESIGNS/YOUR PERSONAL DESIGNS BECAUSE THEY ARE CANON TO ME TO THE AU
not to be the chip guy but of course he comes first. chibos little beanie instead of the captains hat is SUCH a great touch !! the fact he still has his necklace and his long coat in a different more cover-up-slut approach makes me insaneeeee god he's so. Just like me frfr. you just drew me but if i had long hair and more bastard swagger that's so coolio bro what the freaksauce... ALSO keeping his belt and piercings make me to happy forever and ever but swagever ! Im normal ^_^ WAITTT also the "coverupslut" tits thing is really funny to me obviously he couldn't be walking around like that in the Real World because it's lame and doesn't support his transgender swagger but I really love how you kept his midriff and the teensiest tiniest little bit of a happy trail because he fucking WOULD wouldn't he. he WOULD fucking look like that. and !! speaking of speaking of that his black crop top thing works really well with both his style and his style of dancing which I think is so awesome sauce broski AND THE BLACK NAILS. THATS IMPORTANT can i get you to make something canon for me from one guy to another you're such a good friend and this isn't me buttering you up at all but on a totally separate note did you know you're hot and cool and all your art is amazing and you're talented and smart. could you make it so jay was the one to paint his nails and he complained forever and ever about it he wad so annoyed but he only complained more when the paint started chipping and he forced her to fix it. staring at you with autism eyes Btw
gillion design is so real forever and ever and I'm totally okay about it bro trust. absolutely LOVE the fact he kept his necklace too but instead it's framed as a gift from pretzel and made as a Kandi necklace :〕 it's so sick ANDDD THE WAY HE DRESSES !!! his baggy black tank-top and belt with the pants bro you Get It he fucking. Would look like that humanized wouldn't he. the bracelets and the also black nails (that. And Again, looking at you with begging and pleading autism eyes. jay probably had to act like she was just SO down to do and felt like it for funsies so she could teach pretzel when in reality chibo just begged her because he's a little bitch and really wanted to bond with gillion because he's an idiot and couldn't think of a better way. Also his paint was chipping and he was mildly annoyed) AND !! THE HAIRRRRR holy shit my friend tumblr user and mutual soup s0up1ta im losing my actual goddamn ever-loving mind over the way you drew his dyed hair it's so fucking pretty dude THE COLORRRRSSSSSS THE COLORS IM BEING POSSESED AND TAKEN AWAY. THE VIBRANCY SNATCHED MY SOUL AND GOT ME VAPORIZED LIKE IT WAS DAYBRINGER SOLOMON SAVE THE WORLD AND SUCK EACH OTHER VAMP4VAMP STYLE MY FINAL MESSAGE
Oh my god. And pretzel. soup im losing my fucking MINDDDDD over pretzel i know when you showed me the (theses aren't posted yet. i get to be in the Cool Exclusive Friend Club for. Asecond >:DDD) drawings of her with the biker helmet i lost my shit then but I need to lose it again. i lose that very frequently. The little patches in her jeans and clips in her messy hair and home-made bracelets covering every part of her body that they can and her big fluffy skirts that mimic her frogtopus arms that spread out and her overalls QND THAT ONE DRAWING. WHERE AHE IS PAINTING GILLIONS EYELINER ON IM. SOUP IM SHAKING YOU IM LOSING OT and also. Of course she would like bluey <3
Now onto the actual writing for just a second because I need to ramble on how well you fucking Captured the way it was written so perfectly because like. Holy fuck dude
Tigers being paired with you Definitely is the best possible outcome because you have created something for me to be Insane about. I could picture everything so vividly and i heard that one line where it was him going "I want you. I want you baby" and i just completely saw your drawing of them arms linked and extended and I lost my MINDD soup. spinning in circles and shimmying like a deep sea isopod ruffling up dirt on the seafloor look at me in my dead ass eye holes because i cannot express enough how much I love that. everything in this fic was pictured entirely in your style and I'm so fucking normal about that I promise. i LOVE seeing the little details you move from both cannon jrwi and your designs into the way they're drawing because, and I cannot stress this enough that this is a good thing, they all look like Them. normally with au's it's them slightly off or that's Them just in a different outfit but NOOO dude you got it so perfect. yeah that IS what they would look like that IS how they would dress and act and look and fucking DANCE bro 🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
and finally just wanted to say the writing is sosososo good forever and ever but that's exactly what I would expect from Tigers101 the fnc guy and chip kisser themself alright not surprised in the least. and with the art being as amazing at going with it not nearly surprised it's sof uckign awesome seeing you grow and get more talented as an artist because DUDE !!!!!! HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE GROWNNNN its so awesome man
anyway leave you with this image
because i saw the part where chibo blushed and I pictured him in your style and i nearly whisper-screamed faggot out loud before catching myself because I'm tired <3 thank you for being you and so rad and sweet forever and ever and making the sick ass cool ass shit that you do im sohyped and so happy everytime I get. A message or a tag from you because I KNOWWWWW it means I get something to feast apon and i love it so much. already said it once but it's so nice i say it twice suck each other vamp4vamp style and save da world. my final message
I AM FRAMING THIS AND HANGING IT ON MY WALL FOREVER THANK YOU SO MUCH DUDE AUDHJSJSJDKFBJS 😭😭💕💕💕
#designing them all was SO fun bro im really happy i was able to translate them well into a modern au :)#genuinely had a blast with the outfits and accessories and ESPECIALLY designing a human gill and pretzel#like keeping some of gill's features i got going on in my design like his nose and hair and the tattoos being the skin markings#AND PRETZEL AUFHHS#i wanted her hair to be like the tentacles and to translate that unhinged 8 year old energy (i would know- i have a sister who's nine)#like the first thing i thought of was ponyo and i ran with that#and the jewlery jehdjejrhjrhf the beaded bracelets and necklaces pretzel and gill wear#and chip's little axe earring being a little more subtle but There#also incredibly small detail but he's got a mole where his scar is in his canon design so thats neat#but YEAH working on this has been such a blast and you can SEE how much ive grown just in the span of the months this has been going on for#like the one with gill putting his hair up is one of the first ones i drew and the one with them dancing is the most recent one#im so happy with how this has turned out and very excited for you guys to see the upcoming chapters because WE'RE NOT DONE YET BOYS >:)))#genuinely such a cool thing ive been able to work on dude im really happy people like it :)#s0up1talks
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i am presented with two ppl + one option. one appears to like me very much and we have great chemistry and they're witty and ambitious and studious and have similar goals in life and they write beautiful poetry about politics and people and they seem very kind and want to make a difference in the world. they text me to make sure i've had a good day. the other one is none of those things but they are so hot and evil and also they don't like me even a little bit and i've told them that i genuinely wanted to kill them, a lot. i'd give everything and anything for one of them and not the other
#lobotomy time??#meeting the first one today btw#were going to study tgth#omg theyre able to be so studious its insane like they just sit down and do their work for like 8 hrs#the first one is a few months younger than me the second one is a few years older. the first one is full of sunlight. older one says they#have a tainted heart. these words will speak themselves i can feel them in these blankets and theyre surrounding your figure#braced in the quilts. i've tasted both of their lips. one wears cherry chapstick and one wears strawberry. i forgot which is which.#one taught me a lot about riots and chicago and the mountains and it felt like i was with them in the big fields of their childhood.#we opened our eyes and there we were again staring at the conference of the birds in a london bookshop arm against arm.#the second one knows the relief of laying on a cold marble porch as a kid in the middle of a hot iranian summer.#all of us have shot big rifles when we were kids. both of them say theyre good at letting go.
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prompt party returns (maybe? I'm trying)
shout out to my niece for hitting us with a gem like this for the inspiration... little minds are a trip
more of this universe (expanded) can be found on AO3 here or check out all the tumblr versions here
prompt #23: you found a way to stay next to me,
in my blood and in my bones
(Everywhere I Go by Wild Rivers)
May 2025
It starts with a gasp, sheets clinging to sweat-covered skin as she sputters awake in the dark of their bedroom. She crawls to the edge of the bed like she's drowning, swimming desperately for a shore just beyond her reach.
“Carina,” Maya calls in the distance, warm hands reaching out to soothe.
But her body remembers, the things that her mind shuts away. Her body shies away from the touch, curling into itself as she drops to the bedroom floor.
It always remembers.
~
“Do you want to talk about it?” Maya asks over breakfast, cutting up pancakes for their toddler. He huffs impatiently as he watches her, little fingers grasping the edges of his highchair in anticipation.
Carina shrugs, placing his sippy cup of water in front of him as a distraction. “It was just a bad dream, Maya,” she placates.
“It’s a recurring bad dream,” her wife argues.
“Dream,” their son echoes, clapping his hands as the plate of pancakes finally arrives on his highchair tray.
They don’t mention the date on the calendar, that it’s always this week of the year. That it’s still grief, after all these years, making it hard to sleep.
~
His picture is on the shelves in the living room, looking down over the space where their son plays with his toys in the stretching rays of afternoon light. Cars and dinosaurs and piles of books, enjoyed and discarded haphazardly across the carpet.
Carina sits beside him on the floor, watching as he navigates the placement of puzzle pieces, no longer needing assistance. For once, her mind doesn’t drift to how to challenge their son further. Instead, her eyes wander to a familiar frame.
To a familiar smile.
“Do you know who this is?” she asks, reaching for the picture.
Their son is smart – perhaps exceptionally so – and his growing vocabulary lends well to learning names. Amidst the numbers and letters and colours, he’s started identifying the people that he loves in the photos hung around their home.
He looks up when Carina places the frame in front of him, looking carefully at the curly hair and light eyes he shares with his namesake. “Yeah,” he murmurs, offering up his little palm, “Hold me hand.”
Instinctively, Carina reaches out to fill the request, ready to slip her fingers into his own. But their son pulls away.
“No,” their Andrea says, shaking his head, “He do.”
“Oh,” Carina breathes, swallowing around the lump forming in her throat. “He can’t, piccolino,” she whispers, looking down at the smiling image of her younger brother. She touches the cleft in his chin, feels the tears welling in her eyes.
“When me scared,” Andrea declares, crawling into her lap. He taps the photo, too, looking up at his mother expectantly. “He hold me hand.”
~
The dream is different that night. She doesn’t wake with a gasp, covered in sweat. She doesn’t hear her own screams or feel the blood.
Instead, she sees her brother.
Holding hands with her son.
#can't believe it's been like a year since I've shared my playing in the younger years of hygge#I've got like two more nieces and a nephew now#niece 1 is a certifiable genius and my nephew started walking at 8 months old so... it's been busy#anything that seems unrealistic... I stole from the real children who are Not Normal#hygge universe#prompt party#minefic#maya x carina fic#carina x maya fic#this one is a little dark I guess? maybe? and outside my usual realm#but I'm working on other stuff and hitting roadblocks so I need to stretch my muscles#as always... hit me with anything and if I can do it I will#this song has been making me Feel and I needed to give it some other meaning#me? not mention that Carina would be like 5 months pregnant at this point? shocker
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This is the lovely post by MoonIvy that inspired me to get myself back into reading chinese by the way:
And this is MoonIvy's other amazing post, which includes a list of everything they read so far in order of difficulty which is a great reference list if you are looking for something to try, and includes some suggestions on listening study things you can try too.
MoonIvy is part of the group managing the Heavenly Path site I keep mentioning, that just has so many phenomenally organized media recommendations, a good guide to starting to read, and lots of linked resources:
#rant#reading#resources#chinese resources#rec list#so in these posts moonivy mentions some good starting places for HSK 4 people to push into reading#and i agree at about hsk 4 you can handle 1 a ton of graded readers (from 500 hanzi to 2000 as you go)#and 2 u can eventually handle native novels at hsk 4. thats when i pushed into native novels#i would say though. my own difference in learning#is i personally found it motivating and enjoyable to read WAY above my level at times.#i personally always go between 1 easier thing for myself and 1 harder thing to read. i felt that kept my#reading level both progressively increase while also giving me easier stuff to practice extensive reading#and for me it was HIGHLY motivating to read 100 pages of priest in print 2 years in#HIGHLY motivatkng to read tian ya ke with a click dictilnary 10 months in.#to see chapters go from 1.5 hours to read to 50 minutes to 40 minutes to 25 minutes.#so for me. i would say if you WANT to read something way above your level? just go ahead#you can always bounce between easier and harder stuff#i find a good balance worked better for me. and also i tend to learn better when massively challenged ToT#idk why i think its just cause its familiar. id read my parents novels at age 8. ToT it feels#more like how i leafned my native language to simply read my foreign language the same#though i know it demotivates some people. in contrast i find keeping some harder stuff on hand#reminds me to challenge myself and not idle at the level im at.#so i say? assume u can do ANYTHING with success. and do it. and when it burns u out or is not fun anymore?#go do something easier u Know is Easy. (and it sure will feel easy after the Anything before lol)#then u get confidence doing it easy. and remember ur#still capable of Anything so try again when ur ready.
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🐁☁️🌫️
#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant#nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it#it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer#ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know#it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are#but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom#bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park#i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that#i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none#my sisters havent talked for me in over a year#and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w#nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao#i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots#i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay#and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like#when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things#i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))
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so im a CS grad student but i applied to this program that lets me take a language course basically for free even tho it's not strictly for my degree and i got in!!! so now im in latin 2 and i'm having sm fun!!! :)))))
#i think i actually did a decent job of self-studying since i didn't take latin 1#but i spent the last 4 months working out of a textbook putting in like ~8 hours a week (at least) lol#also (fingers crossed) it doesn't seem like a super competitive thing so im hoping i can get into latin 3&4 next year haha
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#my new job is like a damn dream btw#i'm not getting paid as much as my target was but it more than makes up for it in really good work culture#and tons of employee engagement/amenities that are just fucking Nice#not that i utilize most of this but: cafe with free food and drinks. 24/7 on-site gym access. very flexible work schedule.#frequent free food events#discounts on sport/concert tickets/ski resorts/etc#unlimited PTO. tuition reimbursement. volunteer support (can take time out of your work day to do volunteer work while still getting paid).#my manager's ethic is: don't care what hours you work as long as you're here at the morning meeting and get all your work done#basically as long as i communicate i can work 7-3 or 8-4 or 9-5 or whatever suits my personal schedule#and i am allowed to leave when my work is done. no sitting around twiddling my thumbs trying to look busy#if all i have left is data analysis i can leave early and do it from home if i want#i can set up my work so that i can work from home once or twice a month. something i never thought I'd be able to do as a bench scientist#its so amazing compared to anywhere else I've worked#i'm sure it's laughable compared to the super wealthy pharma companies but those are evil places so i'm happy with this#ALSO i get regular raises and a merit bonus every year#just...wow what a great place to settle down for a few years
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#i think ive been burnt out for awhile#like exhausted nothing makes me happy anymore burnt out#i know i need to work to be able to afford things but it is so much and my job is so draining in every way#i feel guilty because i was late to work today i slept through my alarm#but it is because im so stressed all the time my body just doesnt respond anymore#ive worked like 8-13 hour days every day for the past two months and at this point im tired#i dont know if i can do this anymore but genuinely if i dont i will not be able to afford school next year#its a struggle#and then i feel guilty not answering texts or asks even though i love getting them and reading them#because i legitimately dont have the energy to reply#its also why ive been a bit less active but i dont have the energy for it#it makes me feel guilty which makes me feel worse and just sends me deeper into the spiral#it will get better but im not at the positivity place yet#it will get better but right now it fucking sucks and i am absolutely bone deep exhausted and tired of waking up#im in an ok place but i just need to be taken out of time for a bit#k.
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Shoutout to my co-worker Big Mike, aka the most Ally an ally has ever been. Literally the first time I (5'4", vaguely masc nb) met him (6'7"-ish, linebacker-shaped guy), he clocked me as some kind of gnc, bragged about being able to solo 300lb packages, and then was like "yeah, i've got a lot of trans friends bc trans people love hanging out with me, no matter what their height is i make them look average and also nobody wants to mess with me"
#i should save this for pride month but lol#queer shit#allyship#he'll literally introduce himself as big mike bc there are 3 other mikes in our work area#dude was literally like 'i offer my services as Tall and Unfightable' and this was the first time i met him XD#can confirm tho last year i wound up seeing him at pride and meeting like.... 8 other trans/nb people just through his friend group#also the packages thing was like... 'yeah i'm fat but i can solo 300lb irregs so who's the real winner here'#he's cishet but he knows what's up lol
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got dragged to a pub quiz with some of my housemates buddies and was fully convinced i was not really gonna have a good time and itd probably be too loud and i wouldnt be much help etc etc etc bc my mood is still not great but i forgot im a competitive motherfucker when it comes down to it and the sheer rush of euphoria that comes from knowing a few more obscure answers that had the rest of the room hemming and hawing is gonna carry me through the next week probably
#when nobody else in the wetherspoons in rural wales knows what the capital of florida is or what you call a female swan#the big ass grin spreading across my face and sheer rush of Power listening to 2 people the next table over arguing over whether#its jacksonville or miami. you Fools. you absolute buffoons. i know more than you/j/j/j/j#i am so exhausted now and the 'yea this is Over you are enjoying urself too late' sadness is creeping back in but it was worth it#we came 3rd...... the prize was a whole pitcher of some cocktail for the group but i do not drink so i just went home to bed#a female swan is called a pen btw i knew that six month long job spouting swan facts at 8 year olds would come in handy someday#IDK i still have a lot to work through but i feel like i should make a slightly less depressing post today skdfjh;;#shoutout to my housemate for always somehow noticing when i have just not left my room in a day and coming to drag me out of it#i was so close to just not eating again (which tbf. i didnt. until like 6pm whoops)#but now i have done that AND touched grass AND socialised AND feel good abt myself a bit.. so.....#i worry a lot that people dont really. notice or care that much when im struggling/when they do that its annoying or a burden so#im very grateful to have people who care about me enough to try and pull me out of it. i hope wherever i end up after this#that i can surround myself with more people like that#man this feels pretty bittersweet to think about as well but in more of a cathartic kinda way. i guess#trying to think abt things slightly more positively so i dont turn into a festering black pit of bad vibes for the next few weeks#and my blog still inexplicably feels like the nicest place to sort through this kinda thing
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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#would like to finish my fucking fic but i need to just rant about how insane architecture school is#there are 50 people in my year and we're making this book thing together#have to present the book thing today#theres 8 groups and each person made a handful of pages#each group handles 1 topic#and then theres a formatting team which is a representative from each team#so that we can all coordinate on the formatting and hten go back to our groups to tell them like what fonts to use and give them layouts#shit like that#i am on that team#which means i have to nitpick my team and make sure their pages look the same as the other people's pages and compile them#we have ?? 30 something pages of diagrams and drawings? 8 teams so the book is probably 250ish pages long atm#thats due today and after were done presenting were getting a second study to do which is due on monday (same length)#we have to present that one too#and then we have an essay due tuesday (3 pages) a site analysis due thursday (that ones short#another due next tuesday (again 3 pages for theory (gag))#and were getting our studio assignment after mondays presentation#where we have to design a building and we have a few months to do it#and this weekend i have a networking event and a site visit so i have like 1 day to work and 1 day to do those things#oh and we have readings in the midst of all this#not sure the word count on that but we have usually 4 a week and theyre usually each 20 ish pages long which isnt that bad but you know#oh shit i also have to go to mr theory mans office hours on monday bcause i NEED that 4.0 man i need it#anyway if i am not writing i promise you i PROMISE you i am thinking about how much i want to and what i will do next#there is just ?????? so much shit to do#also my structures class is during the quali today so im just gonna. watch it in there. multitask. priorities#tldr dont study architecture#all these f1 drivers who wanted to be architects? would they have survived is my question. the answer may shock you#td
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#2 whole weeks sobeR let’s talk abt it#this the longest I’ve gone without a crumb of weed in my system in 5 yrs and the second longest in 8 yrs#For a long long time I thought I was self medicating the adhd but turns out I was making it Significantly worse#I have an attention span now I can watch tv without scrolling on my phone or playing w fidget toys#My apartment has stayed perfectly clean for the past 2 wks#haven’t rly struggled with eating or sleeping routines are v important wit it tho#been relying heavily on safe foods I’ve eaten the same exact thing every day for 2 weeks but it’s fine#ashwagandha helps me not wanna peel my skin off in rage#time moves INSANELY slower when ur not h*gh every waking second of the day these have been the Longest 2 wks of my life#but also I have So Much more time to do things and SO much more energy to do the things#I thought being anxious and exhausted was just my constant state of being but turns out that was Also just the weed#The insane nightmares have been The hardest part but most of the time my dreams are just weird#Feeling emotions is weird I’ve cried more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 2 years#I cry about good things I cry about beautiful things art as a whole is just so moving#self regulating after stressful things like work or staying with my parents is definitely New as w as decompressing after socializing w ppl#I do things like paint and journal and make silly little bracelets now#Idk man it just hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be#A few months ago me and ******** were talking about how we’d actually k word ourselves without it#turns out the jazz cabb was making my depression and anxiety so much worse than it actually is#shits literally fine#Anyways don’t let ppl tell u u can’t develop an unhealthy relationship w weed I was h*gh every waking second of my day for 5 yrs#Last time I tried this I immediately became an alcoholic instead this time I don’t even feel the desire to have a single little drink#Overall I have A Lot more self control in every single area of my life#I don’t waste my money on dumb shit I can eat normal amount of food like a normal person#The thought of buying my favorite cookies and only having like Two of them used to be such an unreasonable concept to my little brain#I don’t know if this is gonna be a permanent thing I definitely know I can’t do it habitually#just like I learned I can be normal about alcohol if I don’t keep it in my house and only do it when socializing for special occasions#anyways if ur thinking about taking a break from ur favorite substance maybe give it a try#thx for coming 2 my ted talk if u read the whole thing I luv u take care of urself
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