#i can’t post something unless i feel decent abt it and for that to feel real i need to set the SCENE

[jesuistrestriste]

the soft dom!art donaldson fic is turning out to be a bit longer than anticipated :,D

i just can’t help myself, i love details.

like yes, the reader is about to makeout with him, but do u know how he smells?? how he’s sitting?? what he’s doing with his hands??

i will post it tonight, but it will probably be a lil bit from now lol. im taking a quick break and the reader hasn’t even been penetrated yet whoops

[write-ur-wrongs]

Nature’s Nurturing Ways

Hi y’all! This pandemic has really taken the wind out of my sails these past few weeks (maybe months? Time is completely untraceable right now). This piece is born out of a lovely anon’s request, bolded below. As always, I haven’t proofread this mess, so please forgive the typos! I’ll do my best to correct them post-publishing. I seriously can’t thank you enough for taking the time to send me your ideas, and I promise I’ll get better at writing actual drabbles LOL. I hope you enjoy :) 

Hii can you write something abt Geralt being w a plant-based reader where she loves animals and nature? Tysm

_____________________________________________________________

Geralt and Jaskier had been travelling for hours when the beating sun finally wore them down. There hadn’t been a breeze in days and the hot, stale air was starting to suffocate the uncharacteristically quiet bard, who wouldn’t dare compete with the surrounding cicada’s symphony.

“Geralt,” he rasped, “do you hear any running water? Drips or gurgles? I’ll take anything.”

“Jask, it hasn’t rained in days and it’s hotter than the depths of hell,” the Witcher sighed before continuing, “I said no yesterday, the answer is the same today.”

“Euughh!” Jaskier threw his head back in despair before hanging his head in exhaustion. “Geralt, I don’t want to be dramatic -,”

“Ha!” Geralt twisted in his saddle to look back at his friend with a quirked brow.

“- but I will fall off this horse and die of exposure if we don’t find water soon.”

Shaking his head, Geralt knew that despite the bard’s tendency to embellish, the situation was getting dire. They’d traveled this way dozens of times before and had always relied on the steady creek that ran alongside the trail for water. The region wasn’t known for dry spells and while Geralt was sure he could manage either way, his companion on the trail was not so durable.

They wouldn’t arrive at their destination for another three or four hours, at his level of dehydration and with probable heat exhaustion, Jaskier might not have that much time.

With another gruff sigh, Geralt pulled back on Roach’s reins and redirected her off the road and into the forest, turning back to ensure Jaskier’s horse would follow.

Geralt knew that there was a small clearing off the road where the thick leaves from the old trees made a lush, and shaded, canopy. He’d been there before a handful of times. It’s where he shared a tender first kiss, where he’d laid his head on Y/N’s chest before falling asleep feeling the cool, lush, grass cradling his large frame. It’s where he first said I love you.

Shaking his head slightly to pull himself from his memories, he dismounted and grabbed both sets of reins, leading the horses into farther the clearing. Once they’d reached the middle of the small field, Geralt released Roach’s lead and gave her a neck a scratch before leaving her to graze.

“Come on Jaskier,” he said, reaching into the gelding’s saddle bag for some food, “get off your horse and lay down in the grass.”

The bard fell out of his saddle with a thud while Geralt continue to root around the bag, huffing as he kept coming up empty.

“Did you eat the last of the cheese?”

“Mmpft,” Jaskier replied incoherently, face down in the grass.

“Hey –”

“Oi! You kicked me!”

“Where is the food? We had bread, cheese, and meat left over last night. Did you fucking eat it all?”

“No, you oaf,” he said, rolling over onto his back, “we ate the rest of it this morning.”

“Fuck!” Geralt cursed under his breath, pulling his hair up off his neck to cool off. He could barely remember what they’d done earlier that day. The heat had been unbearable all evening, and the rising sun only made it worse.  

“Don’t worry about it Geralt! No need to apologize for accusing me so harshly.” Jaskier said, words dripping in sarcasm.

Geralt merely looked down at the bard with disdain and rolled his eyes, refusing to admit the sun might be affecting him too.

“Shut up and take off your shirt –”

“Oh-ho!” he laughed weakly, wiggling his eye brows at the witcher. No matter how beaten and battered the bard may be, he’d never miss an opportunity to tease Geralt.

“No, Gods! Fuck,” Geralt went on, flustered, “the grass will cool you down a hell of a lot faster if you’re in direct contact. And besides, Y/N will kill me if I let you die of exposure.”

“Always so serious, eh Geralt?” Jaskier chided playfully, pulling off his tunic before laying back down onto the grass, “Oh-ho-ho-ohhhh yes… Sweet merciful goddess of all that is good, this feels amazing! Yes, yes, yes!”

While he was sure the bard was still mumbling gratefully, and disgustingly, at the feeling of the cool grass against his skin, Geralt’s mind was elsewhere. Somewhere in this clearing, wild heliotropes had bloomed and the sweet, almondine scent was pulling him into a memory.

“Geralt! Witchers use herbs, mushrooms, and flowers in all kinds of magic,” you said, your hands resting high on your hips, “I find it incredibly hard to believe that in all your years and extensive travels, you’d never learned to forage?”

“All my years, eh?” he’d replied, cat-like eyes gleaming back at you.

“Well of course,” you teased, “I mean, unless you mean to tell me that silver head of hair is a choice born out of vanity?”

“I’m going to make you pay for that later, Y/N.” He laughed, taken aback and a little impressed that you felt so comfortable with his mutations as to mock him playfully.

“Ha! Me and what coin?” you reply with a light laugh, bending over to collect the generous mushrooms growing through the bed of leaves and needles.

Geralt turned his head towards you to hit you with a winning comeback, but found himself lost for words when his eyes failed to meet yours.

You get up slowly, peering over your shoulder to find your witcher’s eyes on your backside. Smirking to yourself and quirking a brow flirtatiously, you toss a handful of dirt and wet leaves his way, hitting the poor soul right in the chest.

“Distracted, Geralt?” you said, tossing your hair over your shoulder as you straightened up.

Geralt swallowed thickly, desperately trying to string together at least a couple words – witty at best, coherent at least – when he heard a twig snap in the surrounding forest.

Quick as a flash, he drew his sword and his attention towards the source of the disturbance, a large boar. Chest already swelling with pride at the thought of providing you with a hearty meal, Geralt prepared his attack on the creature before him.

Seeing that the “threat” in question was nothing but a passing porcine, you dove before him with a shout, dropping the mushrooms on the way. Your scream coupled with your sudden movement startled the beast, and it dove deeper into the brush to escape.

“Geralt, no!”

“Damn it, Y/N,” he swore, “I could’ve had it! We could have had a decent meal! We – we would have been set for days!”

“No, Geralt! We have food, right here in this clearing. We needn’t take lives from the forest to eat.”

“Gods, Y/N,” he sighed, dropping his sword to the ground in frustration, “do I need to remind you of the cycle of life? Creatures live, they die, and they get eaten so others can live –”

“Yes, and by leaving that gentle giant to its ruminations, we’ve allowed it to go on, to feed its young, or hell! By leaving that boar to live, we might have secured a lifeline for a fellow wolf or fox. Geralt look around you; mushrooms, flowers, these thick leaves, those berries? You see that tree there? At its roots there are nuts, and over there? Those flowers? Means there is garlic. The forest will feed us with ease if we simply care to drop our weapons, and look.”

Geralt looked at you and with soft eyes, he took in the way your eyes burned with passion, the way your chest rose and fell with every energized breath. He looked around you and really looked at the plants around him, beyond scanning for any toxic or dangerous herbs, he did his best to see the forest through your bright eyes.

Looking at you he felt his chest swell once more, but this time the feeling was warm, grounding.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said quietly, pulling you into his arms, “so, so much.”

You looked up at him with tears in your eyes. You knew he loved you. You had known for months, but you’d made peace with the fact that he loved you however he could, and that that would have to be enough, even if it meant you wouldn’t hear him say it.

“Oh, my sweet, sweet dove,” you murmured, reaching up to lay a soft kiss on his forehead, “I love you too.”

Geralt was wrenched from his thoughts by a swift kick to his shin, courtesy of the bard.

“Shhht!! Geralt!” Jaskier shout-whispered, still kicking at the witcher’s shins. “A deer! A d- dinner! Food! Geralt!”

Side-stepping out of the bard’s frantic little kicks, Geralt looked around him in a quick movement, spotting the deer with his hand primed above his sword’s hilt.

The world seemed to go quiet and still when his eyes met the doe’s. Despite himself, he could hear your voice in his head telling him that she’s a young, vibrant member of this forest’s population. That at her age, she’s likely a first-time mom or about to be. That she has more life to live and more to give to the land than be a poor man’s meal.

Jaskier watched in hungry-horror as Geralt waved his large hand at the creature, turning his back to it before looking down to meet his shell-shocked gaze.

“What the fuck, Geralt!” he spat, “what happened to “Y/N would kill me if I let Jaskier die”? What the fuck! That was food! Survival!”

“You’ll be fine Jask, shut up and lay in your grass.”

“As long as you don’t make me eat it.” He grumbled, not quietly enough.

A laugh rumbled through him as he walked towards to forest line, spotting thick dandelion leaves, mushrooms, and bushes ripe with nuts. He might not necessarily need to feed Jaskier the grass beneath his feet, but he was going to make him eat his words.

***********************************************************************************

“There you are my intrepid explorers!” You damn near squealed at the sight of them, dropping your basket of recently-purchased produce as you ran towards them.

At the sight of you, Geralt dismounts and runs to meet you in a tight embrace. You hold each other tightly, breathing in each other’s scent; his cedar, damp earth, and cut grass, and yours sweet almond.

You pull back just enough to look him over quickly and, spotting no fresh injury or new scars, pull your brows together curiously.

“Did you get lost?”

“Not at all,” replied Jaskier, clapping Geralt on the shoulder, “You’d be impressed, madam Y/N! Our dear witcher made quite the feast. Pulled me right out of the greedy jaws of death, he did!”

“Oh?” You said, brows furrowed in a silent question. Knowing what you meant, Geralt shook his head and kissed your temple to reassure you.

“Picture me this, Y/N,” Jaskier mused as he untacked his gelding, “I’m wilting away, inches from Death’s grip, and Geralt sweeps me under a lush canopy of trees and lays me in the grass…”

“Lays him in the grass? Should I be jealous?” you whispered.

“Never my love,” he replied softly, his forehead against yours.

“… then our honorable friend bid the deer a fond farewell, letting him get away! Yes, Y/N, there I lay, starving, thinking the sun must have cooked the sense right out of him when he marches out of sight only to emerge moments later with a bounty!”

“A bounty?” you mock-gasp, egging the bard on to Geralt’s great displeasure.

“Yes! We ate like kings in that forest, Y/N. All we did was eat but I felt hydrated and renewed! Truly a culinary delight.”

“A delight, Geralt!” you giggled, giving his waist a squeeze.

“Gods, won’t he ever shut up?” he grumbled, ghost of a blush creeping up his collar.

“Oh hush, my love,” you cooed, “without Jask’s bragging, I’d have never known what a big softy you’ve become.”

Wordlessly, Geralt looked down at you in mock-contempt, unsure that this wasn’t a veiled insult. He was instantly reassured though, when his eyes met yours.

“You left the deer.”

“I did.”

“And you foraged, found just what you needed.” You spoke softly, admiration and love rounding your features out beautifully.

“That’s right.”

“Now where did you pick up skills like that, my dove?” You chanced another tease, twirling a lock of his white, dust-packed hair around a finger before giving it a light tug, your head cocked to the side.

“Oh, I had an exceptional teacher…” he said, wrapping an arm tightly around your waist and bringing his other hand up to cup your face, pulling into a deep kiss.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Divaz confos #3

Mod: Round three of your Divaz/z3st thoughts...

1. Re. Bjdivaz dump 2. No.5, I got screenshot of them saying what you said they did never happened, if you're the same anon that had them buy a 2nd hand doll and they haggled down the owner w/o telling u, that posted before. I believe u tho, anon. No.6, it was my doll that waited with them for 20 days. They weren't checking it - they had printed a shipping label which is how I knew how long it was there. And they told me it shipped. Their fault entirely for slow shipping. u can't make excuses!

~Anonymous

2. #5 might have had a decent point until they went from "this was my experience" to frothing Z3st-like falsehoods and extreme reactions. This is why people aren't taking your type seriously. You start raging at the tiniest thing, typically brought on by you or someone else being completely incapable of understanding simple statements. You're not a righteous army, you're the Karen Squad.

~Anonymous

3. BJDivaz deserves to go out of business. There, I said it. Anything they are doing at this point is their own fault, no one is "crusading" to get them shut down, it is their constant CONSTANT temper tantrums and inability to shut the hell up that is destroying their own name. Do you people really think DOA made that 'Dealer Caution' tag on a whim? They are suffering the consequences of their own shitty actions.

~Anonymous

4. Couldnt leave it as a comment because the divaz supporters would attack me. I think both divaz and al3x are insufferable. Al3x because he was proven to be a liar, and divas for being petty and unable to stay professional. Z3st's comment history made him look crazy, so his negative review wouldnt have been taken seriously, and others would skim it. Divaz brought attention to it, and gave it validity when they attacked anyone who didnt leave a positive later. Both of them can fuck off.

~Anonymous

5. I will NEVER buy from BJDivaz with the way they are responding to people. Z3st, I get, but tangy m3lon? Anyone who doesn’t give them positive glowing feedback gets responded to, and I am sure they will blast them to their followers like they did to z3st. Why are they allowed to respond to that in the feedback thread? Make a paging thread, message a mod. This is why people cant be honest, they attack anyone and everyone not bowing down to them. I will not be placing an order, ever.

~Anonymous 

6. I have a long layaway with BJDivaz that’s due to end next year…should I be worried?

~Anonymous 

7. Divaz should've just canceled Z3st/al3xcess's order instead of transferring it to DZ tbh. Kevins don't deserve nice dolls.

~Anonymous

8. Z3st/al3xcess needs a new hobby, because clearly dolls aren't it. Stop harassing other collectors and trying to make it harder for them to get the dolls they want. Get a life and some perspective, the thing you're crying about is so much not a big deal at all it's pathetic and so transparent that you're just crying to get attention. You're just making yourself look worse and lending more credibility to the post about you.

~Anonymous

9. Zest and his friend should really get a job or just go outside or something other than spamming this board with their bullshit.

~Anonymous

10. Vic3mage and that one other person seem really nasty whenever they comment on the Divaz debacle, but haphazarrd-marionette and mysteriously delicious the0rist seem so similar that vic3mage might be right about them being the same person. I'm not really sure who to believe anymore.

~Anonymous

11. I feel like I can't even vague any company anymore because everyone thinks it's abt Divazz, even though it's not. And I know someone is gonna say I shouldn't vague, but maybe I just wanna vague rant a bit, and be done with it? If I put the name to it, I might just fuck someone over, and I don't want that unless they're like known in the hobby for sucking ass. If I vague it's because I'm personally a bit upset, but I don't wanna ruin someone's rep for my one incident.

~Anonymous

12. Does z3st participate in his local comm? I'm worried about showing up to a meet with him present because I don't want to get into a physical altercation. The thought of being at a BJD with him prescence makes me feel very unsafe.

~Anonymous 

13. Why are the fans who title themselves as diva boosters, always thinking that all these confessions on diva's is made by one person? look at the den of angels thread, look at the people who didnt write 100% positive reviews, and look at the likes they got. Obviously people are fed up with divas and see through the bullshit spam positive feedback, including DOA mods. Funny how addicts deletes bad feedback from people pointing them to a feedback group, but leaves the positive feedback.

~Anonymous

14. Seeing all the new alt accounts people have made to chime in on the bjdivas argument like *sips tea* 👌

~Anonymous

[ziracona]

Ok so I don’t know how but it took you spelling out Phil and Vigo’s relationship and now it’s all I’ve been able to think about because?? The tragedy of it all??? And I was just wondering if you had any extra info about their relationship that you’d be willing to share? Cause honestly it sounds simultaneously so cute and so heart-wrenching and I am HERE for it. For real, every time I learn something new about the world of ILM I love it even more, thank you so much for that piece of perfection!

Oh absolutely!

I am very tempted to start posting the chunks of Signifying Nothing I already have but I am simultaneously like “But you know you’d have to update slower rn” and so I keep balking, especially since I am writing New Dawn Fades too rn :’-] — We shall see. Anway! I am sorry it took so long to answer this I had a massive project I only finally finished this afternoon (I’m dying), but I have been very excited abt this because I adore Vigo so much!

Ahhh Vigo and Philip. They really said “Sooo...enemies to lovers speedrun?” And then did so fast they claimed a new high score.

I am not sure what specifically you’d like to know about (feel free to ask specifics if there are some! :D ) so I am just gonna throw out some random facts.

Vigo is from Norway, in the 1910s-30s originally. Philip from Nigeria in the 1960s-1970s, then Wisocnsin in the early 80s, so while they’re both gay men, it was never safe for either of them to be out. They also lived in fairly isolated places and were the only people like themselves they knew. This lead to them, once they were already traveling together in the realm for other reasons, having the most awkward flirting style. You know that “Bro, it’s just a dream”—“*nervously* Yeah I’m not gay, I wouldn’t fuck you”—“...You wouldn’t? :’ (“ “...I mean, unless you wanted to.” Vine? Both of them trying to figure out if the other likes men and/or them. They both think they can be subtle. They can’t. Just the other one is so fucking paranoid and anxious about this whole sitch the net effect is the same.

They are both fools who follow their gut instincts irrationally, but this worked out really well for them because if they weren’t the both would have killed the other during their first two real interactions.

They are super in love. They were so in love that even after ILM, when Vigo is both dead and someone Philip can’t even remember, he is still in love with him so much that he’s going to spend the rest of his life with him, whether that means trying to find a way to the realm again and the void just in case, or simply living how Vigo died in the hopes he’d get to, and spending quiet days talking to his ghost.

Vigo’s original character goal and life purpose on Signifying Nothing is the take the Entity down/beat it and to save everyone in the realm. Philip’s original character goal is to simply be allowed to live an okay life where the violence stops and he neither hurts nor is hurt by others, and maybe is happy sometimes—he just wants to be a decent man. Vigo dies and fails to obtain his own goal utterly, and basically achieves the opposite, as does Philip. Extremely cruelly. In In Living Memory, or rather, In Living Memory itself, is a manuscript Vigo puts together as a husk in the void, memorializing the events in the realm, and fulfilling Philip’s goal for him—carving into reality the truth he is a decent man who just wanted to not hurt or be heart, and giving immportal remembered meaning to that. As well as recording his eventual happiness with his new family. It ends once Vigo’s goals are assured (Philip is really going to be both happy and alright), and his connection to them outside the realm is failing and he won’t be able to observe anymore. Similarly, Philip throws away his own goals and future, and completes Vigo’s character arc for him, sacrificing himself in Memento Mori to achieve Vigo’s goal—beating the Entity and saving everyone in the realm—for him in his stead. A grand fate far beyond what Philip would have picked for himself.

But in the end, they both achieve the others’ life goal for them, since they could not do it themselves, and in doing so, kind of fulfil their own. Philip gives up everything to fight and win, and in doing so, finds a happy life to go home to. Vigo records Philip’s journey and everyone else’s and in doing so becomes the direct inspiration and motivation for the eventual escape of everyone in the realm. So. In simple terms. In loving Philip, Vigo does find a way to save everyone after all. And in loving Vigo, Philip finds life as a good man who many days gets to be happy.

I am gonna go cry now.

Uhhhhh what else. I’m really tempted to kinkshame Vigo but I’m not gonna do it right now. I will say his dumb ass spent like a whole week with Philip, who was armed with his sickle and not pretending not to be a killer, just conpletely obliviously believing him to be a rando, because Vigo has a great mind but only if the focus setting is switched on and sadly he does not control the focus choices.

Philip is much taller than Vigo because he’s seven feet tall and Vigo is Norwegian so he keeps trying to convince me he’s “no no actually 5’12””, but I am 99% sure that’s a lie and he’s actually 5’9”.

Vigo is a terrifyingly good fighter. He conjours things out of the fog really well. His main item is a summonded like made from light drum because he came here trying to function as a noadi to help the people captured by an evil spirit. It looks like a shield bc of the size and shape, so most people assume it is, and that was kind of meant to be its purpose, but it gets used as an offensive weapon waaay more (I mean, he’s here to fight spiritual warfare what do you epect from the man?). Philip, who runs around with a scythe, like, the most death-lookin weapon of all, uses his sickle for primarily defense/as a shield. This makes them very funny to watch but also extremely formidable as a tag-team in battle.

Even though Norwegian is not a super affectionate langaube interestingly, and kind of the opposite, Vigo is a very quickly affectionate person by nature and is very liberal with the terms of endearment. This used to annoy Alex and Benedict, but like, in the way where a friend annoys you but you kind of don’t really hate it. Philip really liked it. Vigo used to call him Kjære a lot.

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[albatris]

T for the oc asks?

hey! thanks for the ask! I think I have two T characters that I can remember and I have another T in my inbox so…… as per usual I’m gonna start with the easier one hahaha

which would be Tris, much to the surprise of……… no one, probably?

also, obligatory apology for the lengthy rambles

I swear not all my responses will be like this ok

I just don’t know how to, like.......... shhh, ever

Full name: Tristan James Greer, n like. as mentioned in a previous ask he and his older brother Jacob share a middle name because of just. incredibly stupid reasons. both in terms of canon explanation and Me As A Writer explanations

Nicknames, if any: technically I guess “Tris” is the nickname, although it would be more accurate to say that “Tris” is his name and “Tristan” is a word he is entirely divorced from and will not respond to, unless you’re one of his two siblings, or his parents using A Certain Tone Of Voice, or sometimes Shara who forgets, or legal forms, or it's pertinent to a joke he'd like to make

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Ace, definitely at least a little bi, not that it ever really comes up in a major way in-story. Like, could definitely be argued he had a crush on Kai when they first became friends, but like. who knows whether that was legitimate romantic attraction or whether he was just so unbelievably caught off guard by someone being genuinely interested in and nice to him that it immediately crashed his entire emotional system and caused his brain to short-circuit. could go either way. also who of the atdao gang DOESN'T have at least a slight crush on Kai, probably

A song I associate with them: How about five instead!! Good Tris tunes include but are in no way limited to: “Boys Will Be Bugs” by Cavetown, “Sloom” by Of Monsters and Men, “If This Ship Sinks (I Give In)” by Birds of Tokyo (melodramatic edgy Tris vibes), “Monsters” by The Boy Least Likely To and “The Future’s Right In Front Of Me” by A Great Big World

3 important relationships:

Okay so first off would be Noa, his best friend of an amount of years that I always just fucking make up because I can never remember. More than 3 and less than 7. Anyway these two only started hanging round each other ‘cause it was mutually beneficial, ‘cause kids are mean and they eventually twigged that they were less likely to be targeted as a pair than on their own, but pretty soon they were like "oh wait hey you're actually a nice person and I genuinely enjoy ur company and we make a good team" and their friendship grew from there n now they're bros.

honestly I have like seven hyperspecific rambles in my drafts about Tris and Noa's friendship n how they relate to each other could honestly talk abt both of them for hours

in terms of Tris I will say that Noa is part of the extremely extremely small group of people that he's generally willing to trust completely with zero strings attached, which is like. sure something. n she's someone he generally considers a touchstone of reality and someone he can rely on when he can't necessarily trust his own perceptions. also she's someone who is a half-decent opponent at upside down Mario Kart which is a plus

and also, Jacob, arguably the most important person in Tris's life, someone he thinks the world of and considers his biggest role model. like. not in terms of Jacob's intelligence or success or how hard he's worked n all the reasons their parents think he's the ideal Tris should be striving for, just in terms of like. the sort of person he wants to be, someone kind and well-liked and fun, someone with a good heart, which is super corny now that I write it. Cool. Great. Cool. Tris did not have a lot of super great adult role models growing up 'cause his parents are a nightmare and most teachers found him frustrating beyond belief, nor did he have a lot of friends being a weird neurodivergent kid lmao, so his relationship with both his siblings but especially Jacob has been one of the only sources of stability and genuine warmth and connection through most of his life

so I mean basically he pretty much thinks of Jacob as Literally The Coolest Person In The Entire World which is funny because Jacob is just a complete dweeb

n then thirdly. I mean. parents, again much for the same reasons as I listed in Jacob's post. controlling, emotionally distant, impossible standards, more concerned with maintaining a perfect image than any of their kids' actual wellbeing, blah blah

Jacob is currently the only Greer sib who has any real grasp on exactly HOW unhealthy their relationship with their parents is? Tris has a whole thing going on in the story where he's kinda juuust starting to come to grips with things and work through some of his complicated feelings towards his parents and reconcile the ideas of "I love these people" and "these people kind of really truly genuinely fucked me up and none of what happened to me was normal or my fault and I'm going to be untangling the repercussions for a long time" and how both these things can be true for him at the same time

also Jacob's like thirteen years older than Tris I feel like I forgot to mention this here

I'm tired, yeah

2 fears:

1. everything

2. literally everything are you kidding me. weird birds. diseases. public transport. dying. sudden change. loud noises. crowds. hot weather. roadworks. natural disasters. people walking behind him. it'd be easier to list the things he's not afraid of. it's a miracle he leaves the house at all

ok those aren't good answers ummmm let's see

here's one: being somehow responsible for harm coming to the people he cares about, being the cause of something that directly hurts someone else, etc. etc. in broad general terms, but also in terms of intrusive thoughts and in terms of delusions/hallucinations that sometimes wander into the realm of threats, orders, "do this thing or your best friend will die horribly", kind of thing. so. the stress that he's going to disobey something or misinterpret something and his loved ones being punished for it....... all of that

1 element of their backstory:

his parents once tried to have him exorcised as a child and he’s only just now beginning to realise this was a "legitimately fucked-up experience” not “haha relatable childhood hijinks”

also on a lighter note he insists to Shara that this makes him immune to demons and she is fairly certain this is not how it works at all, but neither of them can technically prove it's NOT how it works without actively trying to get Tris murdered by demons, and while this DOES sound like a fun after-school activity, both their parents said no

anyway cool that's it from me! I'm not going back to edit this at all! I don't remember what I wrote even slightly! I'm going to bed! I should have probably picked a more fun backstory fact! The one I chose is horrible! Goodnight!

[amandabe11man]

a VERY LONG post about Hell on Wheels

YEAH i forgot about this post in my drafts... it’s been like a year since i finished the show now and i feel i’ve barfed everything out into this post (that i can think of), so here it goes (you’ll have to shield your eyes after the spoiler warning if you don’t wanna be spoiled btw. i can’t seem to be able to add a read more-link...) :

SO... i finished watching “hell on wheels” at last, pm half a year since i started. it’s funny because i was under the impression that i’d sOMEHOW be able to binge all five seasons within just one month (reason: i wanted to watch it before my free trial on HBO’s website went out). honestly, that wouldn’t have been possible because it was a LOT more emotionally draining than you’d think at first glance... after being gutpunched three times in a row in season 4, any reasonable human would need a little break.

anyway, it feels-- weird. i’ve never been big on following tv-shows so i haven’t been able to relate to that feeling ppl describe once they’ve finished a show they’ve become so attached to, except NOW i can relate. the show’s not groundbreaking, it’s not perfect, but i’ve had a lot of fun. what a ride it’s been...

looking back, i’d say HOW’s biggest weakness is its tendency to forget or ignore certain plot points. i guess that’s not too weird, with such an arsenal of characters, but still, i find that’s what bugged me the most, if anything bugged me at all. for example--

[SPOILERS for those who might wanna watch it after seeing me go on abt it, idk]:

first off, what REALLY grinds my gears is how ezra dutson’s plotline was handled. it was set up perfectly in the beginning; having him escape from the swede (who promised him that, and i quote: “i’ll find you, ezra! i always do”), the original plan was obviously for ezra and the swede to “reunite” some time in the future so that ezra could tell everyone that the swede killed his parents, thus tying up loose ends and giving some closure to that whole arc. some might say this would’ve been too predictable, but i would rather have that predictable storyline than having it just end unceremoniously like it did, with ezra dying ACCIDENTALLY and off-screen by sidney snow’s hand, simply as a way to further bohannon’s pain and set the stage for ruth’s final arc. this might’ve been fine, if the writers had made it so that ezra actually, y’know, TOLD SOMEONE WHY HE’S AN ORPHAN TO BEGIN WITH. but they didn’t even give the viewer that form of closure, instead just deciding to use him as a plot device for the other characters’ increased angst... bohannon and the others were never even made aware of ezra’s last name, and this is all what bugs the everliving SHIT outta me: the only ones who know, or will EVER know, ezra’s full story is the swede and the viewer, tho after season 4′s end, ezra is never mentioned or acknowledged again-- not by bohannon, and not even by the swede. ezra went from convenient character with a PURPOSE to “nameless” orphan forgotten by history. thanks, writers...

then there’s the whole deal with campbell coming to town to reinforce The Law™, which wasn’t a bad arc, mind you-- campbell and his goons were the most infuriating little shits for a while there-- but the thing is; didn’t campbell LIE to his men about the president giving him the position as governor? i might’ve misunderstood it, but i’m PRETTY sure the president didn’t give him THAT much of an upstanding role, but that campbell just went ahead and took that position anyway? if that was indeed the case, then that’s another plot hole, cause nobody finds out about campbell’s possible trickery to become the governor. nobody rats him out, despite literally no one in “his” town liking him all that much, so they’d have no reason to protect his “secret”. (correct me if i’m wrong on this one though. i might be misremembering things)

then there’s the other pretty infuriating issue of bad guys never getting called out for doing bad shit (unless it’s the swede, who gets all the blame, all the time), for example:

major dick bongbendix(???idk he had a silly name like that) is presented VERY MUCH as a bad guy in the beginning. y’know, just casually beheading natives on all his missions and collecting those heads and taking them to the bar like a fucking nutcase-- those little details. he also seemed to believe in racial biology, so yeah, definitely not a good guy. but by the end, he’s been watered down into some quirky guy who’s ALMOST on friendly terms with the main characters. yeah, uh-- seems everyone (writers included) collectively forgot the whole public display of cut-off heads he had going on...

aaron hatch: started off as a guy too proud for his- or his family’s own good when he shot the police officer, BLAMED IT ON HIS FUCKING SON and then just kinda let bohannon hang the kid even though it was pretty obvious hatch was just shifting the blame away from himself. THEN he reappears with some other mormons and causes a full-on shootout in the town (probably getting some people killed, i don’t remember), TAKES EZRA (also a mormon) HOSTAGE SO THAT BOHANNON WILL COME WITH THEM WILLINGLY and passive aggressively forces bohannon to marry his daughter who bohannon knocked up. somewhere along the line, hatch’s bad side is just thrown to the wind, and bohannon at one point describes him as “a good man”. yeah, ABOUT THAT--

sean and mickey mcginnes: unlike the ones mentioned above, these two started out as seemingly decent dudes, but ended up pm as secondary villains in the end. however, like the ones mentioned above, they hardly face any consequences for whatever crap it was they did in boston, OR the fact that they killed and fucking mutilated/dismembered a man in cold blood (a man who WAS gonna kill them, yes, but HE did it because he thought they had killed his friend, which wasn’t a farfetched idea since mickey DID brag about killing the dude even though he didn’t actually do it). sure, they face their OWN demons as time goes on, they get ostracized, and they start losing faith in each other as well, which ends up with mickey killing sean before the latter can confess(?) his/their crimes. so, while sean was spineless and a creep, at least he thought about finally owning up to what he’d done in the end, whereas mickey lives on to keep doing shady shit, killing people, and getting increasingly more corrupt. he does end up pursuing new goals in the end, but it’s obvious he’s not happy about it anymore. that’s-- really all the comeuppance he ever gets, and the only one who knows about his shady businesses are pm just bohannon, durant and eva (also, personal gripe here-- they seemed to not settle for “just” tarring and feathering the swede and publicly humiliating him, but i’m pretty sure i recall mickey telling bohannon they were thinking about having the swede killed too. keep in mind, this was BEFORE the swede truly lost it and started killing people left and right. apparently, being kind of a douche about taxes is bad enough to warrant being tortured and cast out by the entire community... i’m obviously biased here, but still-- the mcginnes bros’ double standards are amazing to behold)

now that i’ve aired some of that out-- here are some highlights, according to me:

unexpected friendships, like that between eva and durant. i’d say the swede finding that stray dog and fawning all over him qualifies into this category too

durant and campbell fighting in the mud before finally coming to an agreement -- just- durant and his competitors being petty as fuck, honestly. it’s hilarious

bohannon trying to get through to elam by reminiscing about their friendship, especially since bohannon isn’t one to show his feelings often OR get sappy -- in fact, EVERY time bohannon loses his stoic facade is a good moment. when he was gonna bury elam and he just broke down completely for the first time since we were introduced to him... that shit had me in tears as well, but man was it a great scene

jimmy two-squaws

every time the swede opens his mouth (yes, even when he’s spouting some lies and bullshit like that)

ruth’s character development. i admit i didn’t like her at all in the beginning, idk something just felt off about her, but man did she ever grow on me. just-- how everyone kinda relied on her eventually, even though she’s only like in her 20′s or something... she still became a pillar of the community. bless ya, ruth :’ı -- also, her essentially adopting ezra was Pure as heck. I Lov it

the fact that this was the 1800′s and the only backlash the (openly) LGBT characters faced for it was pm just “yeah they’re a bit confused maybe but they’re not hurting anyone”. maybe that’s not very realistic but WHO GIVES A SHIT AMIRITE

mr tao just being a sweet old man

chang’s sunglasses, straight out of Django Unchained

mr toole’s complete heel-turn from racist POS to someone who sticks by his word to turn himself around. that shit was impressive coming from him, tbh

bohannon just calmly running into a buffalo by the train tracks

mei posing as a grown man instead of a boy (which is what she looks and sounds like, oml)

another thing i realized is that bohannon is a classic gary stu. there’s just no getting around that fact after seeing him being revered by most everyone he meets, how he’s somehow the only person able to build the railroad(s) fast and efficiently, and even wooing the literal PRESIDENT and becoming close friends with him-- all this despite his Bold and Brash personality. of course, there’s more to bohannon than these gary stu-symptoms, but i felt someone should bring it up, for the lulz

[chrliekclly]

do you think charlei and dee had sex because they mistook their genuine platonic bonding as attraction? (serious question, steming from thatlesbian dee post). I never thought of it that way, and I'm interested to hear that side !

YES that’s actully smthn i lose my sht abt !! iv blown up ppls mssgs with this kinda talk like, im a mess. ok lemme type right nd lemme type A Lot Again Anyways cz thos 2 giv me Way too many feelings (im spposd to b working on a final rn christ…)

okay…i scrolled back up after finishing nd turns out i went…literally insane…aka Much too far…so i need to under-the-cut it. mobile…viewers…i’m rly so sorry. swipe hard to leap ahead…hell im sorry fr computer viewers too. my theme is rough.

to start, my HCs surrounding chardee are rooted in charlie being on the ace spectrum and dee being gay (or like @ least bi, but imo all the men stuff is straight up compulsory heterosexuality).

i will always cling tight to the deleted scene wherein charlie says he thinks sex is gross and will genuinely get sick when he thinks about it unless he thinks about it with one specific woman. i know he shows sexual interest a decent amount of times throughout the show and has canonically had sex (on camera too, yeesh) but i see each time as very out of the blue moments (coming onto dee @ multiple points while worked up, agreeing to bang tatiana cuz she says to, that kinda thing) or relating to his long standing and delusional obsession with the waitress. in that vein, he’s also canonically enjoyed sex, and I don’t try and blind-eye any of it, because ace doesn’t always mean sex can’t be enjoyed in the moment. charlie definitely has a libido, and bodies be bodies. hell, sex-repulsed can sometimes even flip 180 in the right conditions. shit is one fun spectrum i’ll tell you that…but either way, to start with him, i think him going forward with banging dee was very much a misjudgment of what feelings are and being extremely caught up in a moment where he felt real, genuine, closeness with someone else who he was having a damn good time making terrible poetry with.

as for dee, i, first of all, just agree with everything in that post. in the context of chardee, as much as i will lose my mind in tags about how hard i ride or die the ship, it’s mostly my obsession with their dynamic. i don’t think chardee is meant to be endgame. i absolutely 100% believe that dee, too, is misinterpreting her feelings. i think part of it is her consistent comp het, and the other is she’s never been close with someone the way she has been with charlie, and she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do with it. i think she was similarly caught up in a moment in which she showed her own vulnerability, opening herself up to someone who could easily just ridicule her as she’s used to (”right now? i’m scared”), and she receives support from him instead (”you’re not gunna bomb, you’re gunna do great”). we’ve seen how much dee craves validation, thats her entire thing. i’m not shocked she dropped her pants in this moment lmao. she probably felt her damn heart flutter cuz she got told by someone who she at least somewhat trusts that she really is good, even if she doesn’t think so. the only rational explanation for the feeling associated with that person is that he’s The One right? pretty big leap

just…basically i dont think either of them know what a relationship is.

charlie’s lived nearly his entire life deluding himself into thinking that, 1. he and the waitress have a relationship that is anything other than creepy, and 2. that the warped-ass mess of an image he’s created in his brain for what he and the waitress are to each other is what love is. he thinks he’s making progress in getting close to her when the only thing she’s Ever done pre-s12 is ask him to leave her the fuck alone. he’s never even attempted to look past the waitress before, and the only time he shows interest in other people it’s purely his libido talking. he doesn’t pursue romance, and the one time we’ve seen him do so he was using her to get to, who else?, the damn waitress. 

dee’s lived her entire life having to prove herself to every single person she interacts with, and its familiar to her to getting ahead by using men, usually as sexual objects. i’m hesitant to bring this up on a post wherein i speak on dee’s sexuality because i don’t want to link this trait to it in any way as if its related, but to be fair, dee is as much a serial rapist as dennis is in that regard. the gang are shitty people, we know that. she will get men drunk to have sex with them, or pressure them into it, or trick them into it. she’s not having sex with these men for pleasure, she’s literally doing it for power. it’s absolutely fucked up, but so is she.

when she Is romantically involved, she’s shown to leap headfirst into those relationships and blow them out of proportion on 0 grounds for it. she buys a promise ring for a guy who didn’t think they were dating, it’s implied she’s going to actually go ahead with the brad fisher marriage thing after the episode ends, she gloats about how important she is to a stripper who was literally shame-crying during sex (also? she says “we BOTH wept,” and she can say that’s because it was that good, but i really doubt it). i mean the woman GAGS when talking to men she’s “nervous” around, something she takes as meaning she’s attracted to them? lmao uh???

at this point i’ve probably repeated myself over and over, my brain is on backwards and my train of thought went off the rails years ago. but i’m still gunna retype an old set of tags i found:

i hc that neither of them end up together but they do go through a relationship-ish phase, but dee’s gay and charlie’s okay with that (and always ace in my mind) because they finally move on from their own irrational drives to adhere to what they think is expected of them. i dont think either of them have any idea what a relationship is meant to be and they pathetically grasp at each other because they’re kind-ish to one another and that feels safe for once. chardee may be my main ship but i purposefully backtrack on myself because i know they’re two people who barely know love and have found each other, both as underdogs in their environments, and feel an electrifying Something that they Cant Name wen theyre together, and that something just so happens to be friendship and they don’t realize it cuz they’re doofuses who’ve led really unfortunate lives where friendship and hatred are always intermingling.

i’ve never brought it up here, but i often imagine a timeline of their relationship, because i enjoy the idea of them figuring themselves out through each other, just because they are genuinely amazing (platonically) together, and they get into some of my favorite shit. the thought of late night talks and confessions about their worries and confusion about their feelings while lying in bed, just close because they feel comfortable that way, realizing they can keep loving each other and not force it to mean something it doesn’t, the relief that comes with that, a final kiss that really doesn’t mean anything but thank you, not losing what they had but rather gaining a whole new kind of intimacy, and still getting into absolutely ridiculous situations. maybe dee realizes shes, ironically, found herself with a crush on the waitress and it cracks charlie up. he doesnt mind. he’s finally learned that if he Is going to be with someone it should definitely be with someone who makes him feel at Least half as comfortable as the way being around dee does, and knowing he doesn’t have to make himself look for that, but when he knows he will know. plus, he cant imagine dee pulling that one off. but maybe one day she does. dees gentler around the edges, and she gets butterflies when talking to women, but she never gags. charlie’s a terrible wingman but he keeps convincing dee to let him try. she brings a girl home for the first time and charlie all but backflips in an empty pool that day. they’re still shithats but they’re learning to let that go. people can get better. AA would probably help.

iv gone too far goodbye

[noahcenteino]

♣ demons

send me ♣ + a ship and i’ll tell you…

who is the better dancer? ainsley! nate just sways to the beat of the music and tries not to make a fool of himself but when he’s drunk.. it’s a whole other story kdsfjnsk

who likes the outdoors more and who likes the indoors more? i feel like both of them are indoor people ?? i can’t imagine them doing outdoorsy shit like camping  

who’s a cat person and who’s a dog person? they’re both dog people :-) 

who’s more social? both of them are pretty outgoing when it comes to socializing but that’s probs just bc they’ve been conditioned to be good at it given the industry they work in 

who makes the bed every morning? neither of them. they’re always late for work in the mornings so they just rush out and forget abt it until they get back home

who likes to keep the house cold and who likes to keep the house warm? ainsley likes to keep the house cold while nate prefers it warm so they’re always fighting over who changed the thermostat last 

who takes longer getting ready? i’d say ainsley bc there are more steps to her routine and nate just haphazardly throws smth on, but she’s not too bad abt making him wait which he appreciates 

who likes scary movies and who likes funny ones? ainsley would be into scary movies and nate def enjoys comedies 

who screams when they see a bug and who ends up killing it? ainsley screams and nate ends up killing it but not before he can freak her out with the dead body first 

who is more technology challenged? ig nate ? he’s not big on social media and all that stuff like he’ll post a pic on insta every now and then but he has no clue what anything means

who would be more likely to burn something in the oven? nate probs he’d just put smth in then get distracted by his video games until he starts smelling smoke and is like oh shit.. that’s why he postmates 95% of his food 

who talks in their sleep? ainsley mutters the most random things in her sleep and nate always rolls over and covers his ears with the pillows like i’m too tired for this

who leaves the cap off the toothpaste? nate’s v careless when it comes to things like that so he would 

who likes getting dressed up more? ainsley bc like i said nate isn’t super picky, he’ll just wear whatever he can get his hands on unless someone tries to stop him 

who’s better at tying ties? ainsley and nate’s always asking her to help with his ties before red carpet events bc he can never seem to get it right 

who recorded the answering machine message on the house phone? neither of them. they just kept the regular answering tone

who’s better at planning romantic things? nate! he’s not too much of a sap bc he knows how ainsley feels abt that but he’ll try to plan nice things for her that he thinks she’ll like 

who takes up more space in the closet? ainsley like all nate needs are a few flannels and pair of khakis to keep him satisfied 

who has more of a sweet tooth? nate lmao half of his diet consists of desserts that aren’t good for him but does he care ? nope 

who drinks more often? i’d say they both drink a decent amount ?? but maybe ainsley since she only knows how to be nice when she’s drunk SDKFJSK

who is most likely to laugh during a serious situation? nate for sure like ainsley will be going off on him and he’ll just burst into laughter or crack a joke to lighten the mood, which will just annoy her more 

[leonbastralle]

Last Replies Of 2017

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset

Her colouring is so unique

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset

Wave is my favourite

that’s cheated i’ll have you know XD all their colors are because i wanted them to be unique. but....she’s my fave too it’ll be very obvious and it’s bad

thatsimslove replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

Why does this family always have the most perfect children ❤️❤️

...because genetic experiments XD i mean, this time round! not always

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

very good

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

they did good

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

very very much

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

i love very much

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

best. 100%

are you okay there my dude

amixofpixels replied to your photoset

Yep, I like this one very much.

EVERYONE LIKES HER MOST ME TOO I’M SCREWED (she’s not the heiress)

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Am I going to have to tell you that I love you, dearly, and nothing is going to make me disappointed in you.

sjfbskjfnaskjfnskfjas,ds well...you never know you might change your mind ;) but i’m glad you haven’t so far!

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Am I going to have to hug you until you calm down and know everything is okay?

that might take a long time :/ nothing happened, it’s just...general feels.

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Annie, I leave for one day to do family things, and I come back to this. Am I going to have to yell at you, for how perfect you are?

you’re like my third mum xD what did my child do this time when i wasn’t around??

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

But they all be cute, though.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

If they are in order of their names, I think Wave is my favourite! ^-^

they better all be cute! I mean they are imo because I made them in cas and i wouldn’t have settled for something uncute xD but Wave is definitely everyone’s fave so far??

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “ooooOOOO I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS”

BBBBBBBAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “ooooOOOO I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS”

Baby time!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset

Yesss she is my fav!

that’s Wave tho, you said Shore before...after? nonchronological replies are B A D

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

AAAAAHHH LITTLE CUTIES

simphonics replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

they're so cute!!

i know ;_; i died a little!

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

I think Shore is my favorite!

shore is lovely ♥ looks and personality wise

dustofsims replied to your post “.”

I loveth you Annie!

aksfjbajksfnaksfjas you haven’t gotten any shit from me so XD

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “S: What, you mean I have to learn skills too???”

Bless your soul! I don’t think I could handle triplets

oh i couldn’t either, the nightmares plus a loud neighbor were THE WORST i just got through it because shimmer was there to help.

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

best

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

brb while i cry bc even tho ive seen them a lot they r still the best and im crying bc they some from the best and u r the best and this is gonna be the best

ashkfbaksjfnaskfjanskfjasnfakjsfnaksfjas i mean i hope it’ll be decent xD but they are cute it’ll be a bonus but also shut up

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THESE BEAUTIFUL KIDS

*ficuses up to u* alMOST as beautiful as U

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

Look at everything you've done but I do feel like shirtless President should be a thing too! 😉

this man has Betrayed me, but i can confirm that 2018 comes bearing some more shirtless Martinique and A LOT of shirtless Malcolm in his original universe...I mean...you can call not wearing clothes shirtless right oops is that a spoiler but yes stay tuned!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

That tum! I love it

me tooooooooooo ;_; she was a good mum to be

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

Such good memories T_T baby Connie! My babes! The boys ×2! And my future wife 😍

I know ;_; feels like it was at least 2 years with all the stuff that happened!!

buckleysims replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

And thanks for tagging me, by the way! :)

i was just really curious! i’m sorry i had no idea you were already tagged so many times.

buckleysims replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

I love this! ♥ It didn't seem like boasting to me. Just enthusiasm and excitement, which is awesome!

sjkfnskjdgsd okay well, that’s a lot better xD

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “ok sure”

you looking at Adam, tell me im wrong

you are not wrong

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “don’t catch a cold my boys!”

if one of them gets a cold we get cute pictures of the other caring for the sick one? okay deal thanks

dEAL

frost-rainbowcy replied to your photoset

Dat bump though

well, she IS having triplets!

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “don’t catch a cold my boys!”

Annie, stay where you are, and I'm going to hug you, okay?

that’s gonna be easy, i’m not home and can’t drive and have no money with me so i’m stuck anyway ;)

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

She’s so big, no wonder!

don’t do triplets my friend

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

save her

soon

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “ok sure”

ok yes here it is the Biggest of Moods

she learned how to make the best faces from the master

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Charlotte: So? Conifer: I think it could work. We can fit three...”

bYE SHINE AND TRELLIS may u rest with the stars bc now ur homeless

fun fact theyre actually living with flameus these days because i cant b trusted with giving multiple households a good life

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Goes to her sister’s place, occupies her computer and starts chatting...”

GLADE......... i love her so much

s a m e

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Glade is back again, and she’s getting bigger!”

what a happy mom to be i cry so much!!!

mE TOO ITS SO GOOD TO SEE HER LIKE THIS??? I WAS A BINCH TO HER NOW THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “C: Mission accomplished: have table cut through your bump”

that...... cant b good for the babies' health charlotte pls watch out

dw charlotte has som medical knowledge

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “moods”

tag urself im charlotte

moi aussi

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

dan catii chill with the caps lock but then again it was Needed

i cry v much abt caps lock pls never chill unless u rly want to

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

bABIES!!!! THE SECOND POSE WITH FICUS' HAND ON SNOWDRIFTS CHEEK???? IM SHOOK I DIE I AM D E A D also THIS IS SUCH A FINE WAY TO END 2K17 FICUS FRIDAYS HERES TO A GR8 SNOWDRIFTICUS 2K18

i kNOW FUCK I KNOW FUCK THESE BOYS i wish they were actually the last thing i posted but you cant have everything

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Glade is back again, and she’s getting bigger!”

ahh she looks good with her little bump! ;_;

i know right ♥

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

What a jam

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

WATCH OUT BOY SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP

the one and only!!

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

wATCH OUT MAR SHELL CHEW U UP

AAAAA BEST

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

https://vine.co/v/iKqxxzKlnDZ/embed/simple

THANK YOU

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “C: Mission accomplished: have table cut through your bump”

Me, impatiently waiting for her to give birth

all in due time ;)

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

Even though I'm very tired and with pain, I'm here to give you some well earned love. This is great, everything you do is great, and everything you will do, will be too. ^-^

;__________; THANK YOU i mean i too think this is great and to think i had so much trouble with wifi stuff for this...it was WORTH IT

ladyanyarose replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

Is is generation 8 yet? I need more of these two. They're just so cute. 💜

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA RLY??? ;_; i wish it was...but it’s still gen 6...getting closer to 7 tho!

simxnoire replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

me: breathes me me: ORANNNNNNNNN

his face reveal is in my drafts too!!!!

pixeldemographics replied to your post “lil notice”

ill go there punch wifi in the face

yes pls come here

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

Awwwwww how cute

♥♥♥

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

pLS DO THE DOUBLE DATE THING

it turned into a double date with tots but...it happened it counts

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

Smh glade but also i LIV FOR JOINT PREGONATE WOMEN

sAME

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

WAIT SHES PREGNANT TOO!!!!

HAAAAAA YESSSS SHE IS!!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

Thats my girl getting roasted

always

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “Conifer: This is good, right? You, me, the babies. Us. Charlotte: The...”

I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH

AND THEY LOVE YOU TOO

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “A professional.”

uhhhHHHHHH IS SHE OK

u kno...........sometimes u get Distracted

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Conifer: This is good, right? You, me, the babies. Us. Charlotte: The...”

yES IT IS ITS DA BES

DID U MEAN: YOU AND UR COMMENT SPAMS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Charlotte: How’s it going, Connie? Finished a book? Conifer: I did!...”

whos this editor i want Words with them

idk man i rly dont know but same

[uniformbravo]

ffuckcingn Part 2 where i talk more abt resolutions But This Time Writing

So 

some resolutions in terms of Not Drawing. non art related goals. i really want to start writing again? like, definitely not as serious as art, this is like a personal enjoyment kind of thing, like a hobby? idk i guess it doesn’t matter really but ok basically, i have all those millions of documents in my phone right. all the thousands of fic ideas that i have but can’t get myself to write? i want to. write them,,

not all of them, probably definitely not all of them but i mean, i made this to-do list for myself, because i kind of have this thing i do that’s basically become tradition at this point where at the end of every semester im always scrambling to get finals done and while im doing that i get The Procrastination Urge where i suddenly get super excited to do everything that isn’t my homework, so i write it all down in a to-do list for after finals week is over & then i have Goals for the break in between semesters so i have stuff to do instead of just taking a thousand week-long depression naps, right. i mean, whether i actually ever do the things on my lists is another matter entirely but The Point Is i make them and i have them & on the most recent list one of the items is “write at least one fic & post it”

which i feel like is a pretty decent goal? with the number of fucking ideas i have crammed into my phone’s limited memory it’s not like i’ll exactly be wracking my brain for ideas, and i do genuinely enjoy writing, it’s just. my problem with writing in recent years has been mostly a lack of the required energy & motivation it takes to write out a full story, and i always just attributed that to depression, which is. partly true. i mean it’s fuckin valid as fuck but i think i’ve also come to realize that the reason it takes so much energy for me to write is because i’m a huge perfectionist when it comes to writing

like, im a perfectionist in general, and i’ll get all hard on myself about art too, but i feel like i have a much higher standard for my writing and That’s a big ol’ problem because my current skill level is way below that standard unless i push myself to my limit, which is where the massive energy suck comes from which is why i never write

i’ve seen some very good art advice before which is “let your drawings suck.” you can’t get better if u don’t crank out a bunch of shitty drawings first, etc. etc. and like, i never thought to apply that to writing too??? i’ve always been so caught up in, like, the concept of good writing; i feel like i know what makes a good story and i know the kinds of things to avoid and i know the principles of a successful narrative, but actually trying to put that knowledge into practice, getting into the details and each specific building block of a story is an entirely different process

it’s the difference between visualizing a painting & then actually painting it. it never comes out exactly how you pictured it because you never know what it’s gonna look like before you make it, you can’t know because it doesn’t exist yet. things happen in the process of making it, a multitude of factors influence you as you’re working on it, you know, things you couldn’t have predicted.

what i’m getting at is that me feeling like i know how to write doesn’t mean i actually know how to write and because i thought i knew how to write i felt like anything less than perfect writing was unacceptable because come on, you know this, you can do better than this, and i’ve let that hold me back for uh. a very long time

because the other way i’ve been looking at writing is. there is no sketching. with drawing, you have doodles, sketches and finished pieces. the way i was looking at it, writing is always the finished piece, so it always has to be polished and flawless, and i think part of that might be just the general way people seem to view writing, that it’s either Good or Bad, right. art is fine because everybody’s at a different skill level, everybody’s learning, but when people read something it’s always about “are they in character is the dialogue believable is the plot engaging is the vocabulary descriptive enough etc etc” and if it doesn’t meet most or all of those criteria then it’s a Bad Fic and it’s not worth their time

(which, side-note, i suppose the most significant reason for the difference between people’s attitude towards art vs writing would be the amount of time it takes to consume each one, right)

so i’ve always put this pressure on myself to write to the absolute best of my ability (and then some) or else it was shitty, embarrassing, things like that. and now that i’ve taken enough steps back to realize this, i want my new attitude towards my writing to be just. whatever happens happens. if you’re writing, then you’re practicing, and if you’re practicing, then you’re improving. anything is better than just letting ideas rot because you’re paralyzing yourself with a standard so high there’s no point in even trying to reach it. why try to scale a fuckin 50 ft wall when u can take the stairs, u know?

so this year im just gonna let myself write shitty stories & have as much fun with it as i can & not worry about making it perfect because literally 6 years went by because i wanted it to be perfect & i have fuckin jack shit to show for it. im just gonna Do it

and for my final resolution, along those same lines, i want to work on comics this year. i feel like comics are the ultimate combination of art and writing, at least for me. i need to know how to structure a story as well as put visuals to it, get a lot better at visual storytelling. i want to get a feel for how to lay out panels and how to pace things so that the story flows smoothly while remaining engaging and hitting all the beats it needs to, and just. idk i feel like such a beginner when it comes to comics and if that’s something i really want to do then i need to get started on really learning it, you know?

something that i feel like was helping me was actually redrawing pages of comics that i like; it’s one thing to study a comic by reading it & paying attention to things like layout and borders, but when i started redrawing a page of mp100, for example, i really got a close-up sense of what it’s like to actually... do it. because if you’re actually drawing the thing out for yourself, you can’t skip any details accidentally because you have to pay attention to everything if you want to replicate it accurately (or at least you have to see what’s going on in the original to be able to change it to whatever you want to change it to)

so i think this year im gonna do more comic studies, redraw some pages from my faves to see what’s really going on, and hopefully become more familiar with the process of making comics. i also want to making short comics of my own, which is where the storytelling comes in- the more creative elements as opposed to the technical aspects. i’ve had a few ideas for short comics in the past but i haven’t actually made them for a similar reason to the whole writing thing. just perfectionism in general. i need to let myself make shitty comics to be able to get to the good ones, so like. practice. experimentation. all that kind of stuff

anyway that’s pretty much it for resolutions this year? at least anything relating to art & writing. there are some that im confident i can do and some that im feeling a little shakier about but im at least willing to give them a shot and hopefully by the end of the year i’ll have made progress i can be proud of

[noxiim]

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out 

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

[aslowboattochina]

1-40

:,) Ily

1. I honestly don’t know if I have one?

2. Single

3. rant ahhh uhhh Idk what to rant abt aghfjgnd

4. I think it mainly depends on the artist and what the artist did that haves ppl separate them from their art.

5. I have 4, my main is a kpop blog that I don’t use anymore and 2 side blogs on that blog (this that I use as my main but can’t separate from my actual unused main and a mineblr) and then I just recently made a new main but I haven’t moved over to it yet

6. Oh jeez idk a lot? But I always end up wearing the same pair of vans every day

7. What would you like my opinion on?

8. Idk it won’t let me see on mobile for some reason

9. I don’t think I’m particular to any specific clothing brand? I have a swimsuit from Aerie that I like a lot? And a pair of ripped black jeans I got on sale from express YEARS ago that have lasted really well but idk anything else abt either of those brands so idk

10. I always wanted to name a dog Hades? Or Wenish (inside joke with some friends)? Also Edwardian boy names like Edward are 10/10

11. I can crack a lotta bones bc I have way to much cartilage? I can half decently sing songs I’ve never heard before bc I can just? Predict the next lyrics? (Most of the time) but I can also basically memorize a song after 1 listen through but I don’t think that’s that uncommon

12. Practically every girl in the school was in love with a guy who worked in the office bc he was jacked? Idk if we have a lot of school gossip?

13. I think my friends tried to order a McDick (or McDildo?) from McDonald’s on my phone?

14. I’m not a coffee person if it’s Starbucks I get peach green tea lemonade otherwise I just ask the cashier their tea recommendation

15. I don’t get asked questions very often? Which is sad bc I like answering questions :)

16. Huh idrk? I always think having a dot tattoo in some random spot on my body would be funny just a small dot no one would see

17. “How You Remind Me” by Nickelback according to billboard

18. I like a lot of artists idk if any of them are rant worthy? Oh WAIT OK SO I like BTS but like I hate how ppl act abt it? Like “ohhh your a kpop stan? Ur one of those ppl?” It’s literally just music it means a lot to me (one of my special interests) n I never feel like I can share it with ppl bc they always have a reaction

19. Either my sophomore year World Cultures teacher he’s super dope and I was supposed to go to Japan with him on a school trip before corona or my junior year first semester English teacher who I had for British Literature she was amazing and I love her

20. A Big Mess

21. oh goodness uhh was it Avril who ppl thought died and was replaced by a lookalike?

22. BTS

23. Procrastination or negative self talk/thinking? Anxiety? But I don’t think that’s counts as a bad habit? maybe my indecisiveness lol

24. I’ve been in choir for 9 years and my mom taught me a little ballroom dancing (basic steps for a few dances but I only was ever half decent at beginner waltz, I want to learn more it’s a lot of fun but I also like to just jam ya know? Vibing is great and I enjoy it a lot! I dance and sing like do ones watching I’m constantly vibin

25. Oh gosh I was obsessed with lip balms for awhile? I’m kinda weird abt spending money for some reason lol i spend a lot of time adding stationary to my cart and then not buying it lol

26. Depends on the atmosphere? I’m great with small groups and sometimes I get overwhelmed in crowds unless I’m vibing then I’m good usually

27. Oh gosh I’m not good at packing I’m either packing the night before/morning of or like three weeks before

28. Idk!! I’m not a big celebrity person?

29. I think if someone finds something inspirational or helpful then I think it’s a good thing! I don’t think any of that kinda stuff is bs if it helps/makes ppl happy

30. OHMYGOD my middle school self always wanted like cyan turquoise blue hair? But maybe like forest green? Pink? Mustard yellow was always cool in my opinion uhhh idk? I’m super indecisive and not rlly a big hair-dyer person

31. HA OMG okay idk if I could choose just one? But at the same time I’m pretty happy with my life at the moment? Maybe just like if my internet friends lived near by or something?

32. Idk tbh? I always think I look childish but people always say I look older?

33. Being loved? A peaceful happy future and all its possibilities!

34. OMG OKAY SO I’m a Slytherin! And I love being a Slytherin! Because it suits me P E R F E C T L Y but it’s even better because everyone thinks I’m a hufflepuff!!! Bc I got very hufflepuff tendencies and so when I tell them I’m a Slytherin they’re very surprised :)

35. Home means safety and comfort and happiness and peace where I am cared for and listened to and loved

36. Oh gosh I am such a rule follower I doubt I’d ever be arrested but maybe for protesting? Or murder?

37. Nope never

38. I’ll make a whole separate post abt dream outfits bc wayyyy to many

39. Idk if I have one specific aesthetic? I love a lot (cottagecore, vintage/pinup, nautical beach vibes, dark academia, old castle/royal vibes, street style, etc etc etc)

40. Our principle has calves made of steel that are so intense they could cut diamond? All the freshmen think that if they step on the map in the entrance hall they’ll get thrown in the pool? We have a substitute teacher that’s an actual Old God / Wizard he’s super rad

[assholemurphy]

since finishing tal chap 7, i’ve been plotting more of the story. i’ve gotten to chap 56, but i have no ending. like, i have no idea how to end this??? do they get married??? do i end with some fluffy bit??? do i keep going until it’s at 75 chaps??? i don’t rly want to end it, bc i love it, but logically, it has to end eventually. it can’t go on forever, that’s illogical and irresponsible. how does one write a fitting end to a bdsm story??? ik i want a few more chaps bc i want murphy’s bday and the anniversary of their meeting in the fic, but post that???? idk???? i need an ending. i need a hard stop where the story’s complete. i’m running out of kinks. well, not rly, i’m just having to get more creative, which isn’t a bad thing, rly. it’s just a little frustrating bc usually i have the ending planned by now, but nooooo... i’ve got no fucking clue how to end this fic. like, nothing feels natural. it feels like it should just go on forever. i’m hoping by chap 65 i’ve got a decent idea, bc i rly don’t want the thing going past 75 chaps, bc that would take quite a while to write, esp with the school schedule i’m going to have. but unless i can find a realistic ending, idk what i’m going to do.

why is this so hard???????? it shouldn’t be. endings are easy. it’s supposed to be the middle that’s hard, but the middle comes so easy with this one. i need a clear even that doesn’t involve angst that ends the story. i rly don’t want angst bc i love this fic and their relationship in it and i don’t want to ruin that. and now i’m just ranting hoping that if i bitch long enough, and ending will come to me, but it’s not.

how do you end bdsm fics???? maybe i should just like, aim for exactly 75 chaps and decide what to do later. but if i do that, then i won’t have an ending and it’ll be 100. i just don’t fucking know what to do abt this shit. i mean, i could have them get married, but that seems a little mushy for the tone of the fic. there’s no big conflict to resolve, either, it’s just smut and the progression of their relationship.

maybe i should just like, end it on a rly happy note or something. like, no set event, just ‘this is the last chapter bc i’m fucking done, goodnight’ or something like that. but i don’t like that. i want a clear ending. something that fits and doesn’t break the tone of the fic.

i just don’t fucking know, man, i don’t fucking know