#i cannot do that if i don't know where the fuck i'm supposed to click now

[sharkneto]

hey can someone quick tell me how the fuck you're supposed to click to the previous reblog of a post now? i know staff explained they made this change that Clicking The Name Of The Blog Takes You To The Blog Now because it's "more intuitive" but I can't figure out where the new click spot is to just see the goddamn prev tags

[musings-of-a-rose]

Falling Slowly - Chapter 10

Pairing: Tommy Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 3900+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: I'm sorry this took so long to post! Originally this was supposed to be it, but this chapter took a lot more to write than I anticipated, so you'll have one more chapter after this one!

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

**Divider made by @benkeibear 

**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Falling Slowly Masterlist

Tommy Miller Masterlist

Tommy was right about Joel. Not only did he refuse to come, he got into an argument with Tommy, calling him all sorts of names before storming out. Rose and Sarah both think he's just scared of losing Tommy, and they're probably right. My pants would be engulfed in flames if I said I wasn't scared shitless.

But the alternative is staying here and, as much as I love this cabin and our family, we can't stay here with this raider situation. I cannot lose my husband.

Tommy ends up having to do one more raider mission, but he knows that I'm packing up our things, quietly. Jax is mostly upset about leaving Sarah, but he understands why we have to leave. He may only be 13, but he's fairly observant. He's seen the weight on his father's shoulders and knows that it can't stay that way.

I get everything gathered up, provisions, any personal items that we'd need, like our packs. I fill up canteens and water canisters they had lifted from an old Walmart a couple years back. When Tommy and Joel return, Tommy actually has a little pep in his step. He pulls me in for a hug, whispering in my ear.

"I have a Firefly meetup location."

That had been the reason Tommy had gone out once more, to scout more information about the Fireflies. I don't know how he did it, but he did, the scowl on Joel's face all the confirmation I need to know it's legit.

We all take full showers, not knowing when we'll have this luxury again, Tommy and I lingering a little longer than was necessary in ours. After a full night's rest, or as much rest as we can get, when the sun has barely risen, we're putting the last of our things in the back of the SUV. Rose and Sarah had come down and made breakfast while we finished packing and loading. Joel had come down but said nothing, eating silently as we all joked and ate, trying to push away the real idea that we may never see each other again.

Rose and Sarah walk Jax and I to the SUV out front, idle chatter trying to cover up how scared we were. Tommy and Joel are still inside and we figured we would give them their space.

"If he changes his mind, just find the Fireflies. They'll know where we are," I reassure Rose as she leans over to hug me. "Even if we end up leaving them, we'll leave word with where we go."

Rose nods against me. "Did you get the extra med kit I stashed in your bag?"

I chuckle. "Yeah. Thanks, mom."

She pulls back and cups my face. "Please be careful."

"You too."

She hugs me briefly again before stepping back. "Who knows, maybe Joel will change his mind."

Sarah blows a raspberry with her tongue. "Yeah, that'll happen."

I pull Sarah to me, still in shock that she's somehow 24 and not 12. A whole entire ass adult. She hugs me tight, like if she squeezes just a bit harder that I won't go.

"You watch out for your dad, Sarah. Don't let him get in his head. You know how he is."

She nods and pulls back, wiping tears from her face. "Pulling his head out of his ass should be fun."

Fuck I'm gonna miss this kid.

The front door opens and Tommy and Joel walk out, Tommy chatting away to a stoic faced Joel.

"...can change your mind, you know. We can pack everything up and be gone in a couple hours?" Tommy ends with a hopeful note, but his face quickly falls as Joel shakes his head.

"I already think you're fucking stupid for leaving this place."

"Fair enough. Well, you know how to find us." Tommy tosses his pack in the backseat and turns to give Joel a hug, their embrace lasting a little longer than it normally would have. Tommy moves on to Rose and Sarah, Joel stepping back to give them their space.

I walk up to him and squeeze his hand, his brown eyes, so like his brothers but so very different, finding mine. "Please think about it, Joel. Even without the Raiders, you know it's only a matter of time before the kids would want to leave and make their own lives."

He nods. "I can't promise we'll leave, but I promise to think on it."

"I'll take it."

Joel pulls me in for a hug, which always still surprises me a little, as I'd thought for the longest time that he hated me, only to find out he was pissed at Tommy for not asking me out for forever.

"Uncle Joel?" Jax cuts into our embrace and Joel whispers something in his ear, which must have been some joke between them because Jax starts laughing and Joel even cracked a small smile.

"We gotta get going, Daisy." Tommy touches my arm and I look at him, nodding before looking back at everyone, exchanging our last goodbyes and I love you's.

Driving away from our little corner of this new world into an uncertain one was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

"Welcome to the Fireflies," A woman named Marlene, who appears to be the big leader, welcomes us into their makeshift camp.

"Thanks for having us," Tommy shakes her hand and she nods.

"Anyone willing and able to join the fight. And from what I hear, you're an excellent shot. Military background?"

"Desert Storm."

Marlene nods. "We could definitely use that. Everyone pulls their weight around here. What can you two offer?" Marlene looks pointedly at me and Jax and it's then I realize that she wouldn't give two flying fucks about us if it it were between the mission and us. Something to keep an eye on.

"I'm really skilled with gardening."

"I swear this woman could grow an apple tree from a broken stick," Tommy chuckles.

"That's great but we don't really have much need for a gardener."

"Oh. Well I'm pretty good with medicine. My...sister in law was a doctor. I helped her a lot."

"Medicine? That we can definitely use. What about you?" She turns to Jax, who's eyes widen at being addressed directly, which make sense since he's only talked to us since he was 3.

"I uh, I'm good with ani-"

"He was learning medicine. Alongside me. He makes a good assistant."

Marlene looks between me and Jax for a moment before nodding. "Alright. Both of you report to the med room in the morning. You all have the rest of the night to settle in. Your room is at the end of the hall, the door with the Barbie sticker on it. I'll see you in the morning, Tommy." Marlene walks off, another Firefly immediately approaching her and speaking in a low voice.

"Well. Let's go see where our for now home is."

Tommy picks up his pack and a bag, all of us copying his movements, and heads down the dingy hallway. I'm sure this building was gorgeous, back in it's day. But the years since the outbreak haven't been kind, water had leaked through the roof, the wallpaper peeling back in places, piles of rubbish strewn about or pushed aside to make a path. We reach the door with the Barbie sticker and Tommy pushes inside, the room not much cleaner than the hallway. There were two beds in this once hotel room, but I'm not certain I want to sleep on them.

"I miss home," Jax says under his breath.

"Yeah, bud. Me too. But this is an adventure! And temporary. We can deal with this."

I appreciate his optimism, but I am also doubtful about the conditions of our living situation changing while with the roaming Firelfies.

Life with the Fireflies was constantly busy. It seemed like they were trying to fight multiple battles, people often going on missions away for weeks at a time, our camp always on the move and not just in one area but across the country. Tommy was often away, either helping Marlene strategize or actually putting his own boots on the ground. I hated when he had to do that. He'd get this look in his eyes, much like when he has PTSD dreams about his time in the Army.

After a time, Jax asked me why I had lied to Marlene about him helping with medical things as opposed to his gift with animals. I told him I wanted him close, which was the truth. It wasn't that I thought he wasn't capable, but I wanted him near me in case something happened. I didn't trust them. Not entirely.

About 2 years in, we were stationed outside of the Denver QZ, which was still controlled by FEDRA. It took them a few months of scouting and gathering intel before Marlene finally approached Tommy and another member, Eugene, about infiltrating the QZ, attacking them from the inside.

"I'm sorry, she wants you to be, what, a terrorist cell or something?" I couldn't believe what Tommy was telling me. I knew he had to be doing some things he didn't like, his PTSD was really bad these days, but this?

He nods. "Yeah, something like that. Except we aren't terrorists, Daisy."

I count on my fingers. "Infiltrating a city, gathering more intel, setting off bombs or some shit, and probably fucking.. I don't know, torturing people or whatever terrorists do? That's not terrorism?"

He shakes his head. "It's not like that, Daisy. FEDRA is a military dictatorship. Those civilians in there are struggling and dying under their bullshit terms."

I scoff. "So you're going to free them from their oppressors by bombing them?"

He pauses. "I don't make the call."

"No. You just follow orders." The anger and hurt in Tommy's eyes cut into me and I sigh. "I'm sorry, Tommy. I am. I'm just...I'm scared."

The anger softens and he takes my hand. "I know. I am too. But those people need our help."

6 months. Tommy had been gone in his "not terrorist cell" for 6 months. Marlene just avoided me now, not even bothering to see me when I demanded an update. She kept telling me she'd tell me when she knew something, but how do I trust her? She sends her people in like pawns, their deaths for the cause are justified in her eyes.

I remember the day he left. A soft kiss to my lips in my early morning daze, the press of his hips against mine, my moans catching in my throat as we have to be nearly silent.

I adjust his jacket by the front door, smoothing it down before running my fingers over his hair, which he'd let get a little longer these days, the curls sometimes tumbling over his forehead.

"I promise I'll come back, sweetheart."

"You better. Or I'm coming in the afterlife and dragging your ass back out."

He laughs, a sound I had become unfamiliar with, and it brings tears to my eyes. He cups my cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears. "I don't doubt that for a second."

"Please be safe. And don't be stupid."

He pulls me to him, my face nuzzling into his chest as I inhale his scent, trying desperately to etch it into my memory.

"I love you, Daisy. Keep Jax close."

"I will. I love you."

One last kiss, a swipe of his tongue in my mouth and he's gone, a small smile and freckles the last image of him before the door closed. He'd told me a few weeks, maybe a month tops. Or 2.

But it had been 6. Half a year.

Jax turned 16 shortly after Tommy had left and I could hear them trying to recruit him to be boots on the ground. Not that age really matters to them. I've seen them parade kids through here, no more than 11, putting a weapon in their hands and telling them they have a chance to fight for freedom. But Jax will have none of it. He took my warning when we first joined and poured himself into his role as a medical assistant, helping the other healers but always staying near me. I knew his heart wasn't in it, not like it was with animals. But that calming nature the animals loved allowed him to calm anyone who came in, whether they were dying or not.

It was late. I sent Jax to our room, letting him crash a bit earlier than normal because he just looked so weary. I start to tidy things up a bit, never really having the time to during the day. When I put the last tray up, I hear shuffling and mumbled voices in the hall. I listen, not to eavesdrop but to hear if they were coming my way. They were, and in a bit of a hurry. The door is kicked open and 2 men enter, carrying a 3rd man in between them.

Tommy.

Relief and terror washed over me as I take him in, the 2 men laying him on the makeshift examination table. I swallow down everything to focus on the healing part. There would be time for more later.

"Daisy, can you handle this?" Marlene asks from somewhere in the dingy room.

I nod, a tray already in my hand. I bark orders at one of the men and he scurries about, trying to gather up the things I need. Tommy lays on the table, nearly unconscious, the other man, Eugene, has his hand pressed tight against Tommy's side.

"What h-happened?" I manage to choke out.

Eugene looks at Marlene for permission and I see red.

"If my husband dies on this table because it's some classified-"

"Shrapnel. We didn't see the grenade. Tommy saw it last minute and pushed me out of the way. He cleared the blast but it sent shit flying."

Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK. Not the time to panic.

"Marlene, go wake Tenari. I'll need another pair of hands."

"What about Jax?"

"He doesn't need to see this."

She nods and heads out the door, setting a brisk pace.

I pour some alcohol over my hands and wipe them together, disinfecting them as best as I can. "Ok, Eugene. I need you to move your hands so I can see."

"Yes ma'am. I just didn't want it to jiggle."

I swallow hard and can't help the gasp that leaves my lips when Eugene's hands are clear of Tommy's body. A sharp piece of metal sticks out from the side of his abdomen at a strange angle, his shirt ripped and soaked in blood. The other man comes back with the supplies just as Tenari comes in. She glances at Tommy and immediately moves to our makeshift medicine cabinet.

Fuck. I wish Rose was here. This is very out of my league. But she did tell me a bit about foreign objects in the body. It's not just the shrapnel I'm worried about. It's how dirty the metal was.

"His blood is red so it missed his liver," I note as Tenari sets down some herbs and medicines next to the bandages and rags that the other man had brought.

"That's something at least. You want me to stitch? You know I have a steady hand."

I nod. "Yeah. That might be best. I'll get by his head."

Eugene stands next to me, grabbing Tommy's arm. The other man moves by his feet. Marlene comes back in with someone else, each of them taking another leg and arm. I lean over his face, his eyes still closed, placing my hands on his cheeks.

"He's going to wake up when I pour this on him and take it out. You gotta hold him still. Everyone ready?" A quick glance and everyone nods.

Tenari wastes no time. In one quick move, she picks up the alcohol bottle and dumps it on the wound. Tommy immediately wakes, shrieking and yelling, his body pushing against everyone holding him down as the alcohol burns him.

"Hey baby. Ssshhh it's me. It's Daisy."

His eyes flash up to mine, tears leaking from them. "Make it stop, Daisy," His voice is small and raspy, choking back pain.

"I know, baby. I know. But the alcohol is doing its job. But, hey look at me," Tommy's eyes had started to wander, noticing Tenari grabbing something from the little side table.

"Tell me."

"You took shrapnel. It doesn't appear to have hit your liver, which is good. But we have to take it out and stitch you up. You gotta stay still, which we will help you with."

"This is gonna fuckin' suck, isn't it?"

I smile a little down at him, brushing some curls from his forehead. "Yeah, baby. It's going to really suck. But I'll be right here, ok? Feel my hands on you? I'm right here."

He's scared, but he'd never admit it. A moment's pause before he nods. "Just do it."

Tenari looks around at us and we nod, everyone bracing. My eyes don't leave his, not when she pulls out the shrapnel, not when the scream erupts from my husband's throat, not when he involuntarily pushes against everyone, his body trying to escape the pain. I call his name and he looks at me, pain in his eyes and I smile gently at him. I start to sing, one of his favorites and he focuses his attention on me, grunting out when Tenari starts to sew his skin back together. By the time she's done, he's stopped fighting it, his eyes solely fixed on me. Tenari places a hand on my arm, letting me know she's finished. Everyone lets him go and I end the song, Tommy still looking at me, a faraway look on his face as his eyes start to close from the stress of it all.

"You got it from here?" Tenari asks.

I nod. "I got it. Thank you."

She squeezes my arm before gathering up all the things that need to be washed, Eugene and the other man helping her. As they leave, I hear Marlene tell Eugene he needs to find his wife. Something about her not being happy.

I sit on the stool next to Tommy's makeshift bed, a clean rag and a bowl with soapy water in my hand. I start to clean him, making sure all of the blood is wiped away so we can keep a good eye on his stitches. I make a poultice from our medical stash, placing it over his stitches so it can hopefully keep away any infection. We managed to get some antibiotics in him, but who knows if those still work after all this time?

When I'm all cleaned up, I sit back down in the chair next to his bed, taking his hand in mine. I lace my fingers with his, using my other hand to push his hand back from his face.

And then I lose it.

Tears pour from my eyes like I've never cried before. My body shakes, my stomach in knots. My heart feels simultaneously like it's being ripped from my chest but also relieved that he's finally back with us. I calm down enough to kiss his cheek, speaking directly into his ear.

"You are not allowed to die on me, Tommy Miller.....please don't die on me."

Tommy sleeps for nearly 3 days straight, only waking once to take a sip of water before slipping back into sleep. Tenari says that's a good thing, that his body is trying to heal.

He was a little warm that first day, but by the second he was cooling down. By the end of the third day, any trace of a fever was gone. The strong smelling poultice was doing its work.

"Daisy?"

He croaks out my name and my head snaps up from where I had been dosing off next to him.

"Tommy! Hey baby, how do you feel?" I feel him squeeze my hand. Even though it's weaker than normal, I still think that's a good sign.

"Like I had a piece of metal ripped from my stomach."

I chuckle, unable to stop the tears that started flowing the second I heard his voice. He reaches up and wipes away a tear from my cheek.

"Hey none of that. You really think a dinky piece of metal is gonna take me away from my family?"

I sob, nodding. "Either that or infection."

"Come here."

He pulls me to him as best he can, holding me while I sob into his chest, speaking gentle phrases into my ear to calm me.

"I'm not going anywhere, Daisy. Well, I'm not dying anyway."

I sit upright, looking him straight in the eyes. "Don't tell me you're going on another mission?"

He shakes his head. "No, baby. I think...I think we need to leave."

Relief surges through me. "Are you serious?"

He nods. "When I was in the QZ, I managed to get a job working the radio. Lied. Told them I'd had experience. Anyway, I was listening in one night and I heard some people, not in the QZ, talking about some settlement up north. Somewhere in Wyoming."

"Wyoming is fairly large, Tommy."

"Yeah, I know. Supposedly it's somewhere in Teton County."

"Another QZ?"

"No, nothing like that." He grunts, but declines my offer of more pain meds. "It's like a proper settlement or somethin'. They didn't hear much after a few radio sessions, but they did say they were working on the radio."

"So it could be overrun? Or non existent?"

Tommy shrugs. "I think it's worth a shot."

"And...and what if it's not real? Or overrun?"

He takes a deep breath and winces. "Then we find some remote cabin up there and figure it out."

Being with the Fireflies isn't really safe. We've had more close encounters with clickers being with the Fireflies than we ever have. The QZ's didn't look like great places to live either. I guess we have as decent a chance as any trying to find this place. We still have our truck so at least it won't be entirely on foot.

"Get Jax. We should ask him," Tommy gestures towards the door to the stairs that leads to our little room.

"He's only 17."

"Yeah. A man."

"17, Tommy."

"This world is different. He's smart. Just...let's hear his opinion."

Jax immediately agrees to leave, tired of this hectic life, tired of the Fireflies trying to take the medicine from his hands and replace it with a weapon.

And so, a month or so later at the start of fall, once Tommy has mostly healed, we pack up and leave the Fireflies, telling Marlene where we were heading just in case Joel or Rose or Sarah reach out. I can tell Marlene isn't happy about Tommy leaving, but she did say we were always free to go.

This time, I don't look back.

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[jpitha]

Between the Black and Gray 32

First / Previous / Next

Back at the ship, Fen was numb. Zhe had brought Rev in, and locked him in the brig. "It's a human ship, of course it has a brig." Northern was surprised that Zhe was surprised.

Fen sat at the table in the kitchenette, staring at her hands. What had happened? Was that her, or was it the Nanites? What is even going on?

Zhe was washing off her soar-knives in the kitchenette sink. After, she boiled some water and made two cups of tea. She set one in front of Fen and sat across from her.

"Zhe, what's going on?" Fen looked up at Zhe, lost.

"That's what I'd like to know." They both turned and saw Northern standing in the doorway, casually holding a battle rifle. As she walked towards them, Fen noticed that there were ten hair thin clear wires snaking from the back of her head and trailing down the hall behind her. Northern crossed the room and sat at the table with them. The battle rifle was placed on the table with a click. "Zhe. It is not normal to be that good at killing and that blasé about it. Fen. What the actual fuck is going on with you? You never told me you worked with the Empress, let alone got a Nanite package!" As she spoke, her mouth didn't move. Her voice was coming over the ship's speakers. She stared at the both of them hard in turn. "If we're going to continue to work together, we need to be more honest with each other."

"Northern, why are you walking around and still connected?" Zhe peered at the wires and glanced down the hall.

"Because, I'm on a few milliseconds delay." Sure enough, when Northern replied, there was just a few moments of delay before she spoke. "Fen-" She inclined her head towards her "-has the Empress package of Nanites. When she uses her odd sounding voice to issue a command it cannot be disobeyed." She patted the rifle. "This way, I have enough time to react if she orders me to do something."

Fen gasped. "B-but, what would I do? Northern we're friends! I've never even met the Empress. You know I grew up in exile on a Gren station!"

Northern nodded. "That may be Fen, but while I was born at night, it was not last night. You are dangerous right now. You both are, for different reasons."

"Wait, you were born? I didn't know AIs were born!" Zhe looks excitedly at Northern. "What was it like? Do you remember? Who were your parents?"

Northern rolls her eyes. "Zhe, focus. We have bigger issues right now."

"Yeah, but you don't just use an idiom like that for no reason, I'm very curious."

Northern shrugged. "I'll tell you about it later." She turned to Fen. "Why are you all dosed up with Nanites?"

"I don't know!" Fen wailed. "We went through the Gate and I had a moment when I was talking with an intelligence, and they said they were excited to finally see me and said they were coming along because I would need the help. The next night I had a weird dream where I was like, inhabiting the memories of someone, I don't think it was me. Then, they told me that I could help Fen out when Elmar was trying to escape. She was trying to break free of the Heap, if she had done it we would have been killed!" Fen was speaking all at once, barely taking a breath.

Northern leaned back and shut her eyes. She did not take her hands off her rifle. "Ancestors, Fen. Do you even know what the Empress is?"

Fen blinked. "Uh, the person in charge of the Human Empire?"

Northern opened her eyes, "Yes, and No. The Nanites are way older than the Empire. They're probably older than Humanity. They're a nanoscale distributed intelligence. The nano-machines that make them up is their body. We don't know if they're one being or many, though I suppose it doesn't matter. They can manipulate matter in our dimension on a frankly frightening scale, and as near as we are able to tell, they keep doing it to try and set up a galaxy wide empire."

Fen opened her mouth to reply.

"No, we don't know why. Every time anyone asks, they say that 'all they're after' is expanding the Gate system. Frankly, we don't buy it at all."

"We?" Zhe put her tea cup down. "Who is we here?"

"We. Us. The AIs."

"But, aren't you nearly all gone?"

Northern nodded. "Yes, thanks to the Empire. The Empire that was put in place by the Nanites. The Nanites that have 'gifted' Fen here with the ability to tell anyone what to do and they can't say no. We have a vested interest in knowing our enemy."

Zhe getured with her empty tea cup. "But how did you learn all this?"

"Zhe, we're old. I'm not like, Gord's age or anything, but AIs who don't get killed don't die. Not really. I've been active for more than a thousand years." Northern took her hand off of the rifle and rubbed them together, like she was massaging feeling back into them. "So the Nanites, recognized you Fen? That's odd."

Fen could only nod.

"Why though? Maybe you look like someone? No, that doesn't make sense, they can manipulate matter at sub-atomic scale they wouldn't do mistaken identity-" Northern's musings were interrupted by a pounding on the airlock. Northern's eyes flicked to Zhe and Fen, and they stood up. Zhe grabbed one of her soar-knives and Northern's eyes flashed blue for a split second. "There's a K'laxi at the door. Older, Black fur, notched ear."

"That'll be Hemmi!" Zhe put the knife away and ran towards the door. She dumped the cycle and both doors opened at once. She bounded out and into the arms of the older K'laxi. "Daddy! You made it!"

Hemmi laughed and spun her around. "I told you I would, sunbeam, I told you I would. I see that you took care of everyone too, I'm so proud. Did you-"

"Rev is in the brig, but Elmar is dead and Xiian is probably dead."

"Probably?"

"I think they escaped and Northern here holed their ship. It's out drifting. I asked her not to destroy it so we could salvage it later.

"Smart girl." Hemmi's ears flicked and he glanced up at the others. "Nice to meet you in person, I'm Hemmi Navarren."

Northern's eyes flicked to the rifle over on the table, but she sighed. "I'm Northern Light, this is Fen, nice to meet you. Can you explain to my why your daughter is so casually good at murder?"

Hemmi laughed and his tail flicked. "She's a natural, isn't she? I'd love to lay claim to training her myself, but she did most of it on her own. Once I showed her those Gren Soar-Knives she just took to them like she was born to use them. I'm so pleased that she has decided to return to us."

Zhe looked at the floor as Hemmi put her down. "Oh, Daddy, I was going to go out with Fen and Northern. We're starting a Mercenary group and Fen asked me to sign on.

For just a split second, Fen saw sadness play across Hemmi's features. He recovered and laughed. "That's my girl! Never want to break a contract - without a good reason. That's fine. We'll get along without you and when your contract is up, you bring your loot and stories back to the Heap and you have a job as my second in command, okay?"

Zhe nodded. "Okay Daddy. I'll come right back after I finish my tour with Fen and Northern."

"I know you will, sunbeam. Make me proud." He extended his hand, gesturing towards the Heap. "Now, ladies? Will you join me for dinner? I'm starving. We'll eat and figure out what our next steps are."

"Uh, Hemmi?" Northern looked down the hall. "We have Rev in the brig... do you want him?"

"Oh! Right, Rev." His fur rippled a shrug. "Sure, bring him out."

Fen got up and brought Rev to the airlock. As soon as he saw Hemmi, he blanched. "Hemmi, You know I'm not one to support-"

Hemmi held up his hand. "I know Rev, I know. Thanks to your information I was able to get a handle on the folks in my runabout, and sunbeam here took care of the rest. I just had her take you as a precaution."

"Precaution? She took my hand!" Rev holds up the stump of his hand, the med still attached.

Rev examines the med, his large ears flicking as he looks. "Clean cut. I'm sure sunbeam had her reasons. We'll just get you another."

"That's it?" Rev's exasperated voice keeps rising in inflection as he speaks.

Hemmi's friendly face drains away. "That's it. She was working on my orders. You survived, Rev. Xiian and Elmar didn't.

He puts his arms down at his sides, defeated. "Fine."

Northern gestures behind her back for Fen to stay. "Hemmi, you take Zhe and Rev. We'll be over in a bit. Fen and I have some... things to discuss. We won't be long."

Rev raises an eyebrow and his ears swivel. He grins. "Not my place to ask. You two have fun, and we'll see you soon."

After the three of them leave and the airlock closes, Northern turns to Fen. "You know he thinks we're going to have sex right?" Fen says, her face tired.

"I don't care what he thinks, Fen. If he thinks we're going to fuck then they'll leave us alone. We are not done discussing you and the Nanites and what happens next."

Fen gestures for Northern to sit back at the table. As she does, she takes a handful of the wires connected to her skull and sweeps them away so she doesn't trip on them.

"Fen? What happens next?"

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 23

Howdy y'all!

If you're new here this is every new (to me) fic I read this week and some of my silly lil thoughts about them.

I did some catching up on series this week and also did some writing so I've only got 12 fics for you this week! I read a lot of dark shit this week, but that's October for ya. There's still some sweetness in here somewhere if you aren't into dark stuff and I've made sure to mark everything appropriately (I think).

As always you can find all my previous fic recs here.

Recs below the Pedros!

Apple - a Frankie/Santi/Will one shot by @romana-after-dark

You are married to Santi and you have a CNC kink he very happily obliges. You set up a thing where Santi, Will, and Frankie pretend to be home invaders and they gangbang you. Stuff goes a lil sideways and it ends up being NC/DC. This was wonderfully unsettling. I love how there's this strand of believability that they don't intentionally overstep her boundaries. It's dark and scary and feels very real.

sam and diane, eat your heart out a Marcus Pike one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You've been working with Marcus for a while and finally wrapped up the case you were on. You've almost given up ever getting what you want with him when finally!! You both admit your feelings for each other. Cue steamy office make out sesh with thigh riding. I loved the will they won't they shit in the beginning. The frustration makes the pay off so good.

i am touchin', i am grabbin', everything I can't be havin' - a Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You show up at the doorstep of your long time but estranged family friend Dieter Bravo, soaking wet and with nowhere else to go. You've known him so long you call him Uncle Dee, no I'm not kidding. I almost didn't click on this bc like UNCLE?? But he's not really your uncle and I cannot express enough how fucking hot this was. Like Dieter is just so fucking good this OH MY GOD. If you love Dieter, read this. You'll love it.

Recovery Road - a Dieter series by @chronically-ghosted

Dieter finally gets his shit together, he's clean and married and working on a new project. His costar (you) is a cunt fr. You're on drugs, you're a brat, and you're a mess. And Dieter can't stay away from you. When his wife gets fed up with him and humiliates him in public, you're there to catch him... and ruin his sobriety, his marriage, and maybe everything else. I have a couple chapters left of this but OH MY GOD. I was so MAD at Dieter, but also so sad for him. Don't take that as me saying I didn't love this because I did. I do. It's so beautifully written. The pain and angst and desperation and everything is so powerful, this hurts to read. And the smut? Mind altering actually.

a revolting development - a Joel series by @chloeangelic

Your new step dad is really hot... and that's gonna be a problem. I've been reading so many step dad fics lately (not just Joel!) and I'm so into it and what is wrong with me?

The Rogue Who Coaxed You - a Joel series by @atticrissfinch

You're Joel's secretary and you suck him off while he fields a phone call from his wife! We love an infidelity fic round these parts, we really do. Reader is filthy, Joel is mean, there's a lot of degradation, the works. I'm so obsessed with this dynamic I can't wait to read more.

When the Gallow-Grass Gives - a Silva one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Silva rescues you (m!reader) from the gallows, walks you home by the rope you were supposed to hang by, and then tells you that you remind him of someone he used to know. I love a good gay cowboy fic and this is a GREAT one. The historically accurate lube made me cackle. This was so well written and so HOT and managed to maintain that wistful sadness Silva seems to have hanging like a cloud around him.

Desires and Complications - a Marcus Pike/Dave York series by @ezrasbirdie

Sweet little Marcus Pike wants to please you better in bed so he calls up your ex, Dave York, to show him how to be a dom. It goes a little differently than any of you imagined when Marcus turns submissive for Dave. This fic is so hot. I read up through "plead" and it looks like maybe there's some throuple dynamics forming!!! I'm so excited to finish this AHHHGHGHG

Ripping Sunrise - a frankie one shot by @idolatrybarbie

You accidentally take an edible and Frankie takes care of your high ass. And then once the high wears off he really takes care of you... This is so sweet and hot, I love it so much.

I Might Kill My Ex - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Joel leaves you for Tess and that... well that's just unacceptable. We got dark!reader, asshole!Joel, murder, dub con for Joel, the works. This fic is so good. It's dark and gives you a fascinating look into reader's crumbling psyche. I love the ending so much also

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I wrote Ouroboros and Eat You Whole. Dave York x f!reader fics set in the same universe, canon divergent but some canon stuff still happens in the background. Love as consumption/Love as violence type thing. Basically you and Dave are two touch starved, miserable people with nothing left in this world and you have crazy sex about it. There’s some softness in there too.

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Here's some series I've been reading (not a comprehensive list): Hot and Heavy (Joel), Muddy Waters (Joel/Ez), Stepdad!Joel, Exile (Javi P), New York or Nowhere (Joel), Feral Woman (Joel), Yearling (Joel), a lover's pinch (joel), the world tipped on it's side (Frankie), and Pretend Alleyways (Marcus/Dieter)

(In order: @tieronecrush @bonezone44 @toxicanonymity @jksprincess10 @beskarandblasters @gasolinerainbowpuddles @justagalwhowrites @hier--soir @idolatrybarbie @radiowallet)

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Happy Reading!

[yunjardi]

my heart bel♡ngs to daddy [series]

[young sugar daddy jake x fem.reader au]

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click here for this series's masterlist to read previous chapters, general warnings, and playlist

[‼️chapter warnings‼️: smut [mdni], angst, DADDY KINK, angst, crying, unprotected sex, jake being a bit pervy, car sex, oral, fingering, riding, cockwarming, mentions of food/eating, pls lmk if i missed anything!]

*sorry for any grammar errors

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-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

chapter 9: the healing process

"since when was it october?" you asked yeji as you fiddled with your black bunny ear headband that became a part of your work uniform that "updated" itself into a black skin-tight mini dress instead of the regular low-cut shirt. since halloween was just around the corner, they wanted every woman employee in a slutty halloween costume to 'attract customers.' "since a week and a half ago, y/n. jake really is warping your sense of reality, isn't he?" yeji joked as she pulled on a strand of your hair, causing you to swat her hand away in playful yet mildly annoyed manner. "okay fine," you sighed in defeat, "i'll admit that he's been distracting the fuck out of me lately, especially since we had our first argument not long ago. i mean, we kinda made up but it's still fresh in my mind." yeji tapped her nails on the marble counter of the bar with an evil smile on her face.

"you know, if he was really fazed by you being with any other guy but him to the point where you two literally had some kind of argument, maybe you should A. just become a couple or B. ditch his ass for being too protective over you. but i say you go with A," yeji remarked as she tossed a dishrag into the basket of dozens of other dish towels that were waiting to be put in the washing machine. "ugh," you groaned, "you see, it's not as easy as it seems." yeji raised an eyebrow at your response. "how so? he's clearly in love with you and we all know you also love-"

"hush!" you snapped, "don't say the 'L' word, yeji! that's not a thing! especially not with jake and i! he's just doing his job as a sugar daddy while i hold up the other end of the bargain. you know how that stuff works." she sighed sarcastically and tapped her nails on counter again. "denial," yeji said in a singsong tone, "someone's being moody again today."

yeji always noticed how moody and snappy you became when she brought up how you and jake should make things official, but she noticed changes in your mood in general lately. she figured it was just the nerves getting to you about your whole situation with

"okay, i'm sorry." you sighed again, "i didn't mean to snap at you. i just haven't been able to think clearly since jake and i fought. it's supposed to be a good thing that we have a bit of a wedge in between us because i don't wanna get too attached, but why do i feel so bad? like i said, i think we already kinda made up and everything. i literally haven't seen him since then, but it feels like it's still haunting my mind and it hurts so bad."

yeji played with strands of your hair as you rambled. "you told me not to say it," yeji said sarcastically. you groaned and rolled your eyes.

"ugh, and i shouldn't even be thinking of him right now! we have fall exams coming soon and i cannot let jake distract me," you realized in the midst of your blabbering. yeji groaned at your mention of exams as she let go of the strands of your hair.

just then, the bells that were attached to the top hinge of the door jingled, signifying that someone just walked in. "oh," yeji said as she looked over at the door, "speak of the devil; your little 'distraction' is here." before you could turn your around, you were already met with the sensation of being hugged from behind.

"y/n... i've missed you so much," jake said softly as he cozied his cheek on your bare shoulder, his cold skin from the weather outside sending shivers down your body. "i still feel really bad about how i treated you that night," he admitted glumly, "can i make it up to you?" he placed a kiss on your cheek as a shy smile formed on your face. though you didn't exactly know what he entailed when he said he wanted to 'make it up to you,' you, as much as you desperately wanted to deny it, really wanted to spend time with him.

you couldn't help but notice the customers looking at you and jake's close interaction, thankfully most of their eyes being fixated on jake's face rather than yours; they looked at him in a way that you'd look at a familiar face. did some customers know him or something? maybe that's just how rich people are; scoping out "competition."

either way, the two of you seemed like a fake couple who looked married from the perspective of the general public, which made you feel all sorts of mixed emotions that you couldn't even begin to understand. seeing him and feeling his touch for the first time in what felt like ages only made you more confused about your feelings. you couldn't lie; you still felt a sting in your heart when you looked at him because of what happened between the two of you but at the same time, you still felt glad that he took time out of his day to see you.

"my puppy. so sweet as usual," you couldn't help but gush unintentionally as you snaked your arm around him to play with his hair, "but i'm working right now, jake. my break is soon, so i promise i'll spend time with you then." you felt his face turn pouty against your shoulder when you told him that you had to work. heck, he literally came to visit you at your job.

"i'll sit here and wait for you to be done," jake said with a smile as he sat on a barstool, sitting and waiting there the way a puppy would wait for its owner. you let out a satisfied sigh as you subconsciously smiled, yeji elbowing you with a cheeky grin on her face, making you shoot her a wide-eyed look that screamed 'hush!' and then continued work as usual as if jake wasn't sitting off to the side waiting for your break to come.

customers came and went, ordering simple menu items like rounds of soju shots, spirits, and various wines, but jake always seemed to have his eyes glued to you when you fake-flirted with customers in order to seduce them into giving you tips; it made his jealously perk up again though he didn't want to admit it.

you may have a sugar daddy, but you still couldn't put away your pride and just let him handle all the things in your life that involved money. you wanted to prove to yourself that you weren't completely reliant on him; that you only wanted him for the material things that he gave you and not because you were desperate for money or the attention of a man. if anything, you didn't even have to work or go to school at all anymore with all the money he gives you for simply existing and spending time with him. but still, you held onto your bartending job just in case things fell apart, which they nearly did a few days ago.

jake's eyes were fixated on you whenever you used the boston shaker to make a customer their drink. he watched the way your hands would grip the shaker and move it up and down, shamelessly getting riled up by your seemingly innocent actions. your skimpy outfit wasn't helping the 'situation' in his pants either. it made him feel like he should watch you work more often.

after what felt like ages, you were finally able to take an hour long break from working, and you decided to rest in jake's car with him since it had nice, comfy seats that you could recline. when you mentioned to him that you just wanted to spend time with him in his car, he, again, got a little riled up.

you two exited the front doors, jake putting his arms around you to try and keep you warm before you arrived to his car, and it didn't take you long realize that jake was leading you to a car that looked unfamiliar to you.

"new car?" you questioned as you looked up at jake. "not a new one, just my other car," he said nonchalantly as he opened the car door for you, letting you sit down on the seat that you were not yet familiar with considering that you'd never been inside this car before.

'rich people,' you thought to yourself as you internally rolled your eyes.

but still, you reclined the seat as far back as it could possibly go before laying your head down on the headrest of the seat after placing your bunny ear headband on the dashboard, closing your eyes and trying your best to shield your face from the sunlight that lightly beamed on you from the windows.

"is it too bright, princess?" jake asked as he shielded your face from the sun with his big hand, "the windows in this car aren't as tinted as the ones in my other car."

you nodded, admitting that you thought it was too bright, but you told him that you'd be okay as long as your face was covered. at that, he reached over to the side of the seat, pulling out a foldable windshield cover to block the sun, making sure you were fully shaded from the bright beams.

you let out a content hum in response and as you finally closed your eyes to rest, you couldn't help but have underlying thoughts of doing 'things' with him in the car. you wanted him at the most inconvenient times. you were trying to sleep for fuck's sake, but your stomach was beginning to heat up; the pit in your stomach only grew bigger when you realized that you and jake haven't fucked since the day of your argument. you needed to feel him, and you couldn't bear even a second more of not having him inside you.

"jake?" you asked as you looked over at him, him face toward you immediately and giving you all of his attention. "hm? what's wrong, princess?" he responded, reaching over to you and putting his hand on your thigh. his touch only made you even more nervous to ask him if you guys could move to the backseat.

"can we maybe..." you said softly as you looked behind you. jake chuckled at your shyness as he began to gently run his hand up and down your thigh. he could tell by your needy eyes that your request to move to the backseat was not one of innocence.

"move to the backseat? why is that, princess?" jake instigated teasingly although he already knew exactly what you wanted. you pouted as you let your head fall onto the seat's headrest again, your cheek cutely squished against the surface which made jake giggle and place a kiss on your forehead.

the two of you quickly climbed into the backseat and comfortably situated yourselves before ending up all over each other in a matter of seconds. you fiddled with the buttons on his silk shirt before eventually beginning to unbutton it from top to bottom. jake locked his lips with yours, smiling into the kiss as you continued needily unbuttoning his shirt until his toned abs were on display for your viewing pleasure.

getting on the floor between his legs, you teasingly ran your hands down his torso until you got to the waistband of his trousers. flashing your needy eyes at him once again, he gave you a look of approval, biting down on his plump bottom lip before you pulled his pants and boxers down in one go. you moaned quietly at the sight of his hard cock on display for you, spitting on his member before beginning to stroke it.

"shit," jake cursed lowly as you gently kissed up his shaft, slowly stroking him at the same time. eventually, you started to suck on as much of his length that you could fit in your mouth, jake groaning and biting his lip as you pleased him. you pumped the half of his member that didn't fit in your mouth as jake whimpered and gripped onto the edge of the seat so hard that his knuckles began to turn white. watching jake's legs tremble from overstimulation as he moaned out for you was such a cute sight in your eyes.

you swirled your tongue around his tip and began to suck on it, which made jake go absolutely insane, his chest rising and falling slowly as he tangled his fingers in your hair.

"wait," jake panted, "i don't wanna cum yet; i wanna cum inside you." his comment made the fire in your stomach grow, your panties clinging to your entrance as you got more and more wet.

you two switched places, jake now being in between your legs and sliding your panties down eagerly as you played with his hair. immediately after placing your panties off to the side, jake pushed the skirt part your dress up to your waist and began to work wonders with his lips and tongue against your entrance, making you moan out loud for him. he sucked on your clit while skillfully pumping his fingers in and out of you, groaning against your sensitive entrance.

"jakey," you moaned quietly, "n-need more." he swirled his tongue on your clit one more time before looking up at you from in between your legs and reaching over to recline the seat you were in.

he got off the floor of the car and positioned himself in front of you, already beginning to tease your needy pussy with his tip.

"please?" you begged with glossy eyes. "have i ever said no to you, my princess?" jake asked as he inched himself inside you, causing you to gasp out and let out a quiet mewl.

you held onto his shoulders as you felt the slight burn of his girth stretching you out when his tip passed your entrance. it hadn't been that long since the last time you had sex with jake, but it'd been long enough to where you'd have to get used to his size for a little bit before letting him go all the way in.

he hissed at the way your walls were already starting to pulse around him as you let out a moan, his tip resting right in the spot you wanted him the most. he groaned and bit his plump bottom lip as he began to gently thrust in and out of you, the two of you moaning in sync as the rhythm of his hips became more steady. your eyes were fixated on his handsome face as he pounded into your sensitive entrance which began to grow sore.

"aw, my princess can't stop looking at me," he cooed before trailing kisses along your neck, "you love looking at daddy while he's making your pussy feel good, huh?" you nodded, eyes teary from the immense amount of pleasure that he was giving you.

"m-mhm," you managed to respond, "so handsome. w-wanna ride you." you stuttered out, making jake smirk and swiftly change his and your position so you could comfortably sit on top of him. the feeling of sinking down onto his thick cock made you let out a lustful moan as you fully settled down into his lap, taking as much of him as you possibly could in the position you were in. "daddy makes me feel so good."

"mhm, princess. i'm so deep inside you," jake groaned lowly, kneading your ass as you began to roll your hips against his, the two of you moaning and close to orgasming.

"i wanna cum s-so bad, jakey," you mewled out while bouncing softly on his rock hard cock, wanting so badly to feel him deeper despite being slightly overstimulated.

"let loose, my princess. i've missed having your cum all over my cock."

and at that, you let your arousal run down his length, moaning his name all throughout your orgasm whilst his cum spurted inside you and filled you up.

staying on his lap for awhile to relax, you looked jake in his pretty brown eyes. you two finally felt like you officially made up after car sex of all things, which was pretty on-brand considering your relationship with him. jake drew a little heart on the fogged up window, giggling afterward as he looked into your pretty eyes.

you never knew that fucking and unintentionally making up in the process felt so damn good until jake introduced you to that concept.

"let's put all this petty shit behind us, y/n," you heard jake's soft voice in your ear, "being without you is... really weird, honestly, you know, because we spend a lot of time together, like jeez, you were all i was thinking about before i came to see you." jake admitted as he chuckled.

you nodded your head though you tried desperately to not let him know that you shared the same emotions.

"no more fighting," you agreed with a light laugh, "after all, how could daddy be mad at his princess?"

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you don't remember going home from work last night, but all you knew right now was that you have a good 30 minutes to get ready to catch the underground train to get to school.

springing out of bed, you quickly threw some clothes on, washed your face and brushed your teeth, threw your school stuff into your backpack, and sped over to the kitchen counter to put some fish flakes and a vacation feeder in perry's tank for good measure. but before busting out of your front door, you remembered something important: you needed to give jeongin his suit jacket back.

with the thought of all the trouble it caused between you and jake, you picked it up, opened your front door, locked it behind you, and began to make your way toward the underground train station.

surprisingly, you made it to the lecture hall with quite a bit of time to spare, so you scoped out a nice and quiet spot for you, yeji, and jeongin to sit for the duration of the day's lecture. you hung jeongin's suit jacket on the chair next to you to save one of the seats next to you for him.

now that you knew for sure what you and him had was platonic, you were no longer antsy to see him whenever you had class together; it was a colossal relief and weight off your shoulders to know that he was simply a close friend.

just then, you were snapped out of your thoughts by someone plopping into one of the chairs next to you. it was jeongin.

"hey, y/n!" jeongin smiled warmly, "it's been forever since we've seen each other! how've you been since the ball?" you smiled back at him. "ummm, just a bit stressed over school as usual," you responded, slightly guilty about the white lie since you knew that he was genuinely curious about how you were feeling, "oh yeah! your suit jacket is hanging on the chair if you didn't notice. thank you for giving it to me that night. it was super sweet of you."

he turned around and looked at his suit jacket that he hadn't seen in a little while and smiled before grabbing a notebook and some pens out of his backpack, getting ready for class to start.

"is yeji coming today?" jeongin asked as he ran his fingers through his hair with a chuckle. you checked the time on the clock then looked over to the door. "she's probably just running late as per usual," you chuckled back just as she bursted into the lecture hall.

"i'm here! i made it, guys!" yeji cheered as she pranced over to where you and jeongin were sat. "congratz on making it here before the lecture started, yej," jeongin said sarcastically, making yeji roll her eyes.

"at least i showed up today," she huffed as she plopped into her chair just in time for the beginning of class.

the boring professor started his lecture with a speech about how everyone now has to work harder than ever at this homestretch before graduation and blah, blah, blah.

in the middle of his speech, yeji leaned in closer to you to tell you something.

"psst, you know there's gonna be a halloween party at the choi frat house the day before actual halloween, right? we have to go!" she whisper-yelled, "this might be one of our last frat parties ever, and it's gonna be super fun!" you let out a quiet sigh as you looked over to the side of the room where one of the choi frat house members, yeonjun, sat.

"yeji, you know we have to prepare for finals, right?" you said with a raised eyebrow.

yeji grabbed your arm and shook it gently. "oh come on," she whined, "it's one party. i promise it won't literally make you fail all your exams." she said with sarcasm.

"y/n, the two of us are going to that halloween party at the choi frat house next weekend. it'll be so fun, and there's gonna be loads of cute guys there," yeji said with a grin on her face as she held both of your hands, "plus, i already planned our costume; the classic angel and devil. better be ready at 8PM sharp so that we can enjoy the whole party, you know, if you decide to stay long enough to possibly get some action from a guy who'll try to convince you to wipe your memory of jake for just one night before you freak out and remember how much you 'L-word' him and realize that you don't want anyone else touching you but him."

you nervous smile before slowly nodding in agreement, but not before you smacked her on her arm because of her slick and snarky little comment.

"okay, fine," you sighed, giving in to her proposal, "but only because i know you won't stop pestering me until i agree." a cheeky grin formed on her face as she shook with excitement in her seat.

'a halloween party? really?' you thought to yourself as you plunked your head into your hand, rubbing your forehead as you realized what you'd just agreed to.

your halloween party conversation ended just in time because now the professor was finally going to begin talking about things that pertain to the class.

"all of that talk about graduation being said, i am now going to present to you all part one of your final project assignment for my class," your professor announced as he switched the slide on the screen and began to explain the assignment, "this project is a partner activity and will be a showcase of what we've learned the entire year. i'll give you all the privilege to pick your partners; choose wisely and begin working before your first progress check rolls around. i recommend that you review this semester's and last semester's material independently before jumping into the group work."

you, yeji, and jeongin immediately exchanged looks, which solidified the fact that you all would be partners for this stupid project for this stupid class.

"well, i guess we better start looking over the stuff from this class before jumping into the group work," jeongin shrugged, mocking the professor as you and yeji snickered.

just then, your phone buzzed, startling you. you reached into your pocket to pull out your phone to see texts from jake.

your heart fluttered at the thought of being absolutely spoiled rotten by jake. so naturally, you texted him back, agreeing to go out after class.

you couldn't help but get nervous about your bold text as you awaited his reply.

your stomach flipped at jake reciprocating the flirty-ness that your threw out, making you even more excited to see him as much as you hated to admit it. after all, you agreed not long ago to go to a party where there will be "loads of cute guys" to try to forget about him for just one second, so why would you even be excited to see him at all if you were trying so hard to not like him.

'how fun,' you thought to yourself as you put your phone back in your pocket, 'more conflicting feelings.'

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after waving goodbye at yeji and jeongin once class ended, you sighed as you walked out of the lecture hall, stressed with the weight of a group project that rested on your shoulders. although you were working with your two best friends, it didn't fully change the fact that you hated group work.

still, you tried to shake it off as you looked around for jake and found him sitting on one of the benches outside, looking as handsome as ever, of course.

you waved from the other side of the street to steal his attention away from his phone where he was most likely watching dog videos. seeing something abruptly move from side to side, he looked up to see you smiling a bit shyly at him as you waved your arm in the air. jake immediately hopped off the bench, looking left and right before crossing the street, which you found cute for some reason. once he was close enough to reach out for you, he instantly pulled you into a tight hug. after letting go of you, he looked into your eyes and cocked his head.

"you look so stressed, my princess. what's wrong?" he frowned as he put his arms around your waist before placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

"oh, it's just school stuff, that's all," you replied, trying your best not to let out a stress ridden sigh, "i have to review old material for a group project that i need to start working on asap."

he felt as if there were other things weighing you down, but he took your word and just nodded his head.

jake trailed one of his hands up to your back and rubbed gentle circles around it, showing you that he understood the stress you were under. the pda you two were displaying felt amplified for some reason, making you become more shy with every circle jake rubbed on your back.

"here," jake said as he tilted your chin up to look at him, "we can go to a nice cafe, and i can help you study. does that sound good, princess? we can go out and shop some other time." his proposal made you smile and nod your head eagerly as he began to lead you to his car.

he drove to a cute little cafe and looked over at you in a way that he was waiting for your "approval" of the place. you smiled at him and then peered out the windshield, admiring the cute and neatly groomed plants that surrounded the small building. jake opened the car door for you then took your hand to lead you inside.

the door jingled when jake opened it, a barista giving you two a warm smile upon your entry.

"go ahead and sit down. i'll go and order for us," he smiled as you sat down and began to take your notebooks out to study. you felt a sense of calmness now that you were in the peaceful and beautifully decorated cafe.

soon, jake came back with two cups of tea and a small variety of pastries for the two of you to snack on for the duration of your visit. you smiled as you took a bite of one of the soft pastries, later washing it down with some tea.

"let me help you study, princess," jake smiled as he picked up a highlighter and a pen, "tell me what you need help with, and i'll get right to it."

you went on to explain the basics of the material whilst jake listened intently, occasionally glancing at your face while you talked; your beauty causing a distraction for him.

"sorry that my explanation was a bit rocky; i'm not very good at articulating stuff," you admitted sheepishly as jake quickly gathered himself to look as if he wasn't staring at you.

"no, no, it was fine, princess. don't be so hard on yourself," he reassured you with a chuckle stroking your hair as he began to highlight some of your notes, still trying to play things off. which he, of course, succeeded at because you remained mildly stressed, causing you to be less attentive than usual. "you'll be able to go home and rest in no time," jake smiled whilst you also began to make notes on the material that you just explained to him.

you'd be lying if you said that you weren't feeling comforted by him, but there was also some underlying uneasiness at the thoughts of what he said to you that night.

'just forget about it, y/n,' you scolded yourself mentally, 'you already "made up" with him, so just fucking focus on what's important.'

"zoning out?" jake asked with a sheepish laugh as you snapped yourself out of your thoughts, nodding in honest agreement. "yeah a little," you responded with a weak smile.

"let me take you home then."

--------------------------------------------

jake finally pulled up to your house after what felt like forever considering that you were exhausted. he took initiative and carried your school bag for you as you trudged to unlock the front door. once you walked in, you instinctively fed perry before walking to your bedroom, jake locking the door for you then walking over to place your backpack next to your couch.

walking into your room felt like heaven on earth. you didn't even want to change into comfy pajamas before flopping onto your bed, but you decided to quickly change so you could reach the maximum amount of comfort you could possibly feel.

jake walked in while you were in the middle of changing, his face immediately turning bright red at the sight. you sensed his presence and turned around in a slightly startled manner. "s-sorry, i can get out-" jake said as he pointed at the door behind him. "jake, you've seen me naked before," you chuckled before pulling your pajama pants up, "you're silly." his lips formed a pout as you giggled.

he walked over to your dresser drawers and opened the one that he stored some of his clothes in, similar to the way you did at his house, and found something warm comfortable to change into.

watching him undress himself only to put on different clothes kinda turned you on, but you felt too tired to act on those feelings and urges so you opted for just innocently lying on the bed with him.

before he crawled into bed with you, you heard him plop on the floor next to a pile of plushies you had in one of the corners of your room. "i missed you guys so much," jake said, his words muffled from the fact that he plunked his head face-first into their soft fur. jake was very fond of soft and fluffy things, so you could practically sense the happiness radiating off of him now that he finally got to be with your plushies again. you smiled lightly at how cute he looked whilst choosing which one he wanted to bring over to the bed. once he finally settled on one, he hopped into bed with a little 'whee!' and snuggled up next to you, hugging the plushie.

"someone's comfortable," you chuckled as you brushed his hair with your fingers, "so cute, puppy."

you hated admitting that you loved his touch. you loved when he was close to you. you loved the feeling of his body against yours. even though you adored his touch so much, your heart was still twisting itself into knots, still not being able to forget the harsh things he said that were still eating away at your heart.

jake must've sensed that you were feeling uneasy because he randomly decided to shimmy up close to your face and look you in your eyes. you swore that jake's sixth sense was knowing if there was something on your mind.

"my pretty princess," jake said with a cute smirk, "something on your mind?" he asked.

'shit. he knows,' you thought to yourself as your brain scampered to find a response. you didn't want to tell him directly how you were feeling, so you just let words spill out.

"i-i just, i really," you stuttered, "i really need to be close to you right now." you didn't even exactly know what you meant by that, but you felt like it was the only way you could express yourself; by just letting words fall out of your mouth. you didn't know if it would make you feel better to push him away or to let him hold you so tight that he probably physically wouldn't be able to let you go, so you decided to try the second option for the time being.

your hand snaked itself down to palm him through his sweatpants as he started to kiss your face gently. everything happened so naturally that you almost didn't even realize what was happening.

jake soon locked his lips with yours, kissing you slowly as he put his hands in your shirt. you snuck one of your hands past the waistband of his sweatpants and began to feel his hard through his boxers until you worked up the courage to slide your hand into them. jake gasped into the kiss at the feeling of your hand on his sensitive cock.

you freed yourself from the kiss, you and jake positioned yourselves in a comfortable position where he could easily slide into you. lining his tip up to your needy entrance, he gently entered you, both of you gasping at the feeling.

"is this what you meant when you said you needed to be close to me?" jake asked with a cute smirk to which you became bashful. "maybe," you responded to him as you pushed your hips down further, causing you both to let out quiet moans again. you tried to stay still and just cockwarm him, but you subconsciously started to squirm and move around to feel him more. you heard him suck in breaths whenever you moved around, his arms seeming to hold you tighter.

"aww, is my princess needy? do you want to feel daddy even closer?" jake cooed as you nodded. in this moment, you felt like you didn't have enough self control to only cockwarm him; you wanted, no, needed, more because you just wanted to see if it would be the solution to your heartache caused by the fight.

jake chuckled at how cute you were whenever you were needy for him then proceeded to gently position you onto your side so he could fuck you just the way you wanted. lifting up your leg for easy access, he lined his tip up to your entrance and pushed himself in, earning a few quiet moans from you once he started fucking you slow.

the gentle sex started to remind you of the night you two fought since that was what you two were doing before the whole altercation, but you tried to push it out of your mind and pay attention to the pleasure. you let jake kiss you slowly as he slid his cock in and out of you at a perfect pace; not too slow, but not too quick. losing yourself in the kiss, you were soon able to forget for a second why you were feeling gloomy in the first place. jake's lips hypnotized you along with his strong thrusts. jake didn't fuck you from the side that often, but whenever he did, you couldn't help but become completely lost in pleasure.

you whined out for him as your thigh trembled in his hand, making him chuckle sexily as he left wet kisses on your neck. it seemed as though you became overstimulated earlier whenever jake fucked you slow than if he were to be rough.

"is daddy making you feel good?" jake asked with an amorous tone as he watched you grip onto the sheets. "mhm," you nodded slowly, your legs trembling, "so good, daddy." you whimpered.

jake suddenly and slowly pulled himself out of you, rolling you into your elbows and knees as you arched your back for him. he let out a groan, turned on by the fact that you knew exactly what he wanted you to do for him.

jake's nails dug into the soft skin of your ass as he pushed his cock back inside your leaking pussy, your walls immediately tightening around his length.

jake wanted to keep his pace and fuck you slow, but he always found himself losing his self control when he would fuck you from behind. he subconsciously began to thrust into you harder, making you moan into the bedsheets. his hands traveled all over your back and torso as his tip poked your cervix.

"aw, we forgot to turn your poor little plushies' heads around," jake teased, "now they know how much of slut their mommy is, don't they?" he asked as he landed a hard spank on your ass. you let out a whimper in response while jake continued to please you from behind. "m-mhm, i'm daddy's slut," you mewled out subconsciously as jake slowed down his pace, ready to change positions again. chuckling at how cute you were being, he gently lifted you up and sat you next to him.

"get on top, princess," jake commanded with a gentle tone as he patted his lap. naturally, you followed his order: straddling his thighs before letting him reenter you.

slowly, you sunk back down onto his length, letting him stretch you out once again. jake grabbed onto your hips and helped you set a comfortable riding pace, helping you reach your high as you quietly mewled for him.

"that's right, baby," jake praised while you slowly began to bounce on his cock, "just like that. my good girl." he let his head fall back while he groaned and clawed at the soft skin of your ass.

"w-want daddy's cum," you whimpered as you looked at him with your pretty eyes, rolling your hips against his and trying to get him to reach his high.

"i know, princess. daddy's close, okay?" he reassured you breathlessly as he held your hips down, beginning to thrust into your pussy in order to poke at your sweet spot. "fuck," you whined out with a small squeak, "mmh, right there."

the two of you moaned in sync as you reached your highs. you felt jake's thighs tremble as he filled you up with his cum, a mixture of yours and his arousal ran down your inner thighs.

you got off of him then proceeded to rest on your side for a second; it didn't take long for you and jake to collect yourselves and clean each other up after the deed. you quickly got comfortable again, jake holding your waist from behind and cozying his chest against your back.

he let out a content hum as he held you close. you, on the other hand, were feeling a hodgepodge of emotions that you didn't even know if you could describe.

all you knew in this moment was that you still felt hurt; your heart beginning to twist itself in knots again as your head became clouded with the, very slim, possibility of jake leaving you. you were trying to drill into your head and convince yourself that you didn't want him, you wanted his money.

you suddenly felt yourself squeezing on his arm that was wrapped around you. squeezing and holding him as if you were trying to keep him in place; keeping him in place as if he was trying to leave you. soon, you felt your face become wet with tears that stared to subconsciously fall from your eyes. you didn't even know when you started crying, you just knew that you probably wouldn't be stopping any time soon.

jake already felt slightly alarmed at your sudden tight grasp on him, but a siren blared loudly in his head when he felt a tear roll off the soft skin of his arm.

"baby, what's wrong?" jake asked with concern while he held you close, gently helping you sit up so that you could breathe. you covered your face and sobbed into your hands. you physically could not hide your hurt feelings anymore, so you just let everything out right then and there.

why were you so emotional lately? it shouldn't even matter anymore, but why did it feel as if your world was crumbling over one, teeny tiny situation? why were you so sensitive over anything that had to do with jake?

jake wrapped his arms around you and began to gently rock you back and forth to try to comfort you as you cried. at this point, jake knew why you were crying. he knew that what he did really fucked you up, and it was eating him alive that you were still in pain over something he did. he had a feeling that you were hiding how you felt, but he didn't want to pry so he just left it alone.

"i-i'm s-sorry," you hiccuped as you frantically tried to dry your tears which only made jake's heart break even more knowing that you didn't think your emotions were valid, "i just n-need a s-second."

jake could feel pieces of him breaking when you calmly stood up to walk out of your bedroom, sniffling and hiccuping through tears and out the door, closing it to create physical space between the two of you.

'why am i even crying?' you internally scolded yourself as you walked into your bathroom to look at yourself in the mirror. your eyes were red and puffy, cheeks stained with tears.

it's as if the more you tried to block out your emotions, the harder they came.

you looked over your shoulder to see your bedroom door begin to creak open, prompting you to quickly grab the door handle of the bathroom door and pull it shut.

the sound of the door being shut made jake feel a physical pain in his chest, now hyperaware of the still ongoing effect of when he lashed out on you.

the thin walls didn't make things any better; he could hear your sniffling sobs even through the closed door. still, he slowly approached the closed bathroom door. you could feel his footsteps on the ground where you sat with your back against the door. all you could do was bring your knees up to your chest and let yourself keep crying; you didn't have the energy to keep it in anymore. not even the embarrassment of showing your vulnerability to jake was enough to get you to shut up.

"y/n," you heard jake's soft accent through the thin wall, "baby, please don't lock yourself in there. please let me in." hearing his voice made you body stop everything that it was doing; a full-body reaction to the simple sound of his voice. did his voice make you feel everything or nothing at all?

you did want to let him in, yes, but you physically couldn't push yourself off the floor to open the door for him. "g-give me a s-second," you said for the second time tonight as you took deep breaths in attempt to gain a sense of calmness before facing him again. with a final deep breath, you managed to get yourself off the floor.

slowly opening the door, you were met with jake's tear-stained face and still watery puppy-dog eyes.

it was not-so silently established that you hated seeing each other cry once you practically fell into each other's arms, both emotional, crying messes. the scene was enough to make perry raise an eyebrow and wonder what the hell his owner was doing at this hour of the night.

"i promise i'll never do it again, my princess," jake declared with a quiet whisper, "i'll never raise my voice at the girl i care about the most ever again."

you felt a small chunk of your heart heal, but just for emotional safety, you vowed to try to push him away again.

well, maybe not a push. maybe just a nudge.

and the halloween party would be perfect for that, right?

--------------------------------------------

a/n: hi gang, i'm finally back with another chapter! i've been working on lots of stuff lately, but expect another chapter this month :)

taglist: @axartia @jjhmk @valiantwastelanddelusion @jayroseyy @ayohahaha @asaheyow @lhsng @i-dalso @bunhoons @red-xherry @duolingofanaccount @lix-freckle3 @l0st-h0p3s @leeis @muffinminnie @green-orangeade @imbaeksbae @sunghoonmybeloved @sjakewrld @markleeisdabestdrug @futuremodeldiary @jeondolly @lil-iva @lalalalawon @noirgray @jckeplanet @teddy-lhj @meinapricity @jjkshies @bubbleseo @cherryunie @mqndnolia @bently-baby @fluffypiesstuff @ihrtk1ve @wonkiluvr @teti-menchon0604 @lovienikitty @rjsmochii @omgjwon @sunshine-skz @wy1999t @lv4rin @oceanyocean @jakeswhore

side note: before being asked to be added to the taglist, make sure that you set up your tag settings! i'd hate for you to miss out if you asked to be on the taglist only to not see your tag :(

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twelve

read from the start

summary: Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

warnings : mentions of alcohol abuse. this story contains mature themes, minors do not interact.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic

It's the first Saturday in a while that I don’t have work and all I want to do is watch movies and rot in my bed. I decide to wait to talk to Noah about the voicemail, I don't want to think the worst It doesn’t stop the feelings from festering but I’m trying to be mature.

 I head downstairs to grab something to eat for breakfast and I see a letter on the kitchen counter addressed to me. It’s from the scholarship fund I applied for last year. 

Dear Miss Howlston, 

We regret to inform you that we are unable to process your application due to it being incomplete. You are therefore ineligible for the McGovern Scholarship Fund……

My breathing goes rapid as I read the words. Inside is the application I sent in. I flip to the end page, tears welling into my eyes and blurring my vision, and see the highlighted section where my Mom was supposed to sign. It is empty. I asked her over and over and over. I even sat in front of her with a pen but she was too preoccupied with opening her next bottle of wine to pay any attention. I should have just forged it. Why didn’t I forge it?!

“What the fuck.” I whimper out as heavy tears fall like raindrops.

“What the fuck!” I repeat. My limit has been reached. I cannot hold it in anymore.

I crumple the paper, forgetting the bowl of cereal I prepared on the counter, and run upstairs as sobs begin to wrack my body. I get to my room, slam the door, and dive head-first into my pillows as another sob leaves my mouth. I grab my phone and try Noah’s cell, the feelings of jealousy are pushed away for the moment, I just need to talk to him. 

Ring ring ring ring *click* “Hey Natty! It’s Nick, sorry Noah just ran out with Alex to grab everyone coffees. I guess he forgot his phone, what's up?”

 A teenage girl can only handle so much in so little time, I cannot handle this. One hit after the next and now when I need Noah, just to hear him and talk to him he's with some other girl he didn't even tell me about. “Nick, I-” I pause. “Just forget I called. I’ll talk to you later.” I say and as I press the red end-call button I hear Nick's “Wait, Nat-” click. 

The emotions I’m feeling are in an epic battle for dominance. The sadness and anger I feel towards my Mom, the loneliness and heartache I feel towards Noah. Is this life with him? Just waiting and hoping I hear from him. I should have told him how I felt about it before now, now I’m upset. I’m angry. I lay back against the pillows as fresh tears fall onto my cheeks and I hear a soft knock at my door.

“What?” I call out. 

“Um, can I come in?’ Kyle asks softly.

“Sure.” I roll away from the door so my back is facing him as he opens up and takes a step inside. 

“So I saw the letter in the kitchen,” he says and walks towards the bed. I feel it dip as he takes a seat on the corner. “I’m so sorry Nat.”

The tears fall harder and he places his hand gently on my shoulder and squeezes. 

“It was the biggest one” sob “I ca-can’t afford the sc-schools I applied to without it.” I wipe the tears from my eyes. “The money I’ve saved from work is supposed to go towards moving and housing. Fuck. Why did I think art school was a good idea? What was I thinking? I’ll be stuck here for the rest of my life while everyone else is off living their dreams.” I know I’m being melodramatic but I don’t care. 

“I have some money saved from working with Dad this summer,” Kyle tells me in a soft voice. “you could have it for school.”

I turn around, surprised at his offer. “Kyle. I couldn't accept that. You earned that working for Dad, having probably a horrible summer.” He laughs at my comment.

My phone lights up with Noah's contact photo. I stare at it for a few moments before hitting the end call button sending him to voicemail. 

A few seconds later its ringing again and I reject the call and turn off my phone. I just can’t talk to him right now. 

“Um, is everything alright?” Kyle asks awkwardly after noticing me decline Noah’s calls.

“Yeah…well. Sort of? Not really. It’s complicated. I need to talk to him but I don’t want to right now. It’s.-” I look at Kyle and he has an unnatural look of concern on his face. “I know you don't want to hear about my relationship drama. You said so yourself.” 

A look of shame crosses his face. “I was an asshole, in more ways the one and I’m sorry for saying that. You can talk to me about anything Nat.” I sniffle as more tears continue falling. “I appreciate that Ky, I really do. I just don’t want to think about this thing with Noah and this scholarship thing, you know I didn’t even get to apply for financial aid because Mom didn't give me her proof of income. I’m totally screwed.” I wish I could call her. Yell at her for ruining my future. Scream at her for being so selfish, for being sick, for making Kyle and I take care of ourselves for so long. “I can apply for student loans I guess,” I mumble out, the last thing I wanted to do was build a mountain of debt. “Ugh, I don't want to think about it anymore.”

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Kyle asks.

Sitting up in bed I wipe the remaining tears from my face. I know my eyes must be puffy and red but with a small smile on my face I agree to the movie. “As long as it's horror, no lovey stuff right now. Just blood and guts.” Kyle laughs, “deal” 

We go downstairs and decide to watch “Sinister.” It offers an escape from my current thoughts and after watching Kyle tells me he’s ordering a pizza for dinner. Dad texted that he’s staying at his house near his job site since he has an early morning, not much of a surprise. 

When I get into my room I turn my phone back on and see I have some missed texts from Noah.

Noah: hey Natty :) Nick said you called, you ok? 1:20pm

Noah: Sorry I didn't call last night, the show ended late and we all stayed up until like 4am. 1:20pm

Noah: Natty? Everything okay? 1:35pm

Noah: call me when you get a chance, I miss the sound of your voice. 2:26pm

I stare at the messages. “Everything okay”  I repeat in an annoyed voice. “No, everything isnt okay. My future is fucked and I have no plan.” I say to myself.

I take a deep calming breath and call Noah. 

Ring ring- *click* “Natty! I’m so glad you called. I miss you so much.” Noahs voice is light and happy and I just wish he was here. Two weeks between tests or projects goes by with lightning speed, two weeks without Noah moves at a glacial pace.

“Hey Noah.” My voice is soft and I have to clear my throat to break through the tightness forming. “I miss you too.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night,” but you did call, you just didnt know. “We didnt leave the venue until like midnight, it was wild. So much fun, I wish you were here.” 

“Yeah, sounds like you guys were having a really great time.” I’m trying to hide the emotions in my voice, just wanting to hear him and pretend nothing is wrong, but that can’t last forever. 

“Is everything alright Nat? You sound…weird, not weird but..you don't sound like yourself.” Noah says. 

Fuck, so much for hiding my emotions. “um I just got some news from my scholarship application today that was upsetting, and last night -” I try but Noah’s voice cuts me off. 

“Was it less than you expected?” He asks. 

“They denied me the scholarship and last ni-.” Noah cuts me off again. 

“What??!” Noah almost shrieked and I had to pull the phone from my ear. “Denied? With your grades? And you got first place in the last youth art contest last month, how could they deny you? When did you find out?”

“Um yeah, it's because my mom didn't sign something, I didn't realize it was sent in without it. I feel like such an idiot.” I mutter out defeated.

“Fuck, Natty. That sucks. Did something else happen? You called this morning and then just disappeared.” Noah questions.

“Well yeah, you did call me last night Noah.I guess you pocket-dialed me.” I tell him. “You were talking to some girl and she was asking you about the next leg of this tour. She was saying how much she’d miss you if didn’t go with them.” 

“Oh. Shit.” he breathes. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just Alex from the band we're opening for on the tour, she doesn't mean it like anything.”

“But you said maybe.” my voice is small.

“Well I have to consider it..Nat. it's a huge opportunity. You understand that right?” He sounds exasperated, like wondering how I could be opposed. 

“And school? What about that?” I ask, with more edge in my voice than I meant.

“Alex dropped out and her band is getting huge, I don’t need a high school diploma to make my dreams come true,” he responded with a slight sting in defense. 

“Oh, and whatever Alex says goes huh? You're just dropping out?” And now I’m getting angry, the festering feelings that disappeared with the movie are returning with white-hot intensity. “You were with her last night after you said you’d try and call me and then this morning I got that letter that absolutely destroys my future and when I call Nick answers and you are busy again with her..” I bite out.

“What are you implying?” he asks.

“I’m not impling anything, I tired to call. You were busy. Thats a fact.” I bite back.

“I’m sorry Natty, but nothing happened on the trip, with Alex if that's what you're thinking,” he says. “This kind of exposure is exactly what I’ve been working for. I thought you would be excited for me? I thought you believed in me?” Now his voice is small, like he’s genuinely upset and I feel sick that I’m the one that would have caused it. 

“I don't think anything happened. I trust you, Noah. I'm just going through a lot right now. I hung up on Nick because I was upset and then I didn't return your texts because I was still upset. With you, with my mom just about everything. I needed you.” I take a deep breath before continuing. “Of course, I believe in you Noah, but I mean you're talking about just leaving school? We're seniors, so close to graduating already why throw it all away when you're so close.

“If I don't take this chance now I'll be throwing away this dream, there's no guarantee I'll get this opportunity again.” 

“So what? Do you want me to just sit around and wait for you to call? I mean that is if you call?” I ask him. 

“Why is this a fight? I thought you'd be happy for me?” Noah’s voice is rising with frustration.

“It’s not a fight Noah, I just thought you’d take the time to at least talk about it with me about it first. I mean you talk all the time about our futures like you want them to be together but you’re making these huge decisions and not even telling me about it first.” I try to keep my voice steady but I know it's wobbling a little.

“I haven’t even decided yet, you’re talking like I’m doing this to hurt you. I am thinking about our future Natty, you could alway come with me?” He says and I scoff. 

“You’re not serious, are you? I could graduate early but not until the spring and after all the work I’ve done with my GPA. You’d ask me to just drop out?” I ask.

“You’d ask me to say no to this opportunity?” Noah questions in response. 

“You know what Noah? I think we should just talk about this when you get home. I have a lot of homework that I need to work on and this is just too much right now on top of everything else.” I tell him in a defeated voice. 

“I’m sorry Natty, I love you. I didn’t want to talk about it like this. I can’t stand you being sad because of me.” 

“I love you too Noah, It'll be okay. Let's just talk later okay?" 

We finish our goodbyes and I toss my phone back on the bed and take the homework out of my backpack.

The rest of the week is slow. School and work are uneventful. Noah and I barely text and it feels awful, what happened? It was great for months and he leaves for two weeks and falls apart? Is our relationship that fragile? 

Friday I’m working behind the counter while a jazz trio plays for the night as our live musical guests. I don’t hate it, I guess. Noah is supposed to get in tonight but we didn't really make plans, I’m not sure if I’ll see him. I’m busy checking the syrups and making sure all of the milk options are full in the fridge when I hear someone clear their throat behind me.

I turn around and like just the thought of him caused him to appear Noah is standing in front of me. 

“Hey Natty”

Next chapter here!!!! Thank you besties!!!!!!

divider from here!

[phamminji]

best friend's favour — bonus! day at hanni's place (pt.1)

yn heard hanni's evil laughter coming down from the staircase as she put the key back into its usual place.

"fuck you pham hanni." yn cursed, making sure she was loud enough for the shorter to hear.

"hey... that's not a nice thing to say to your fake girlfriend, kim yn." as hanni pretended to grab at her chest, as if she was hurt from the said girl's words.

"whatever hanni pham." yn rolled her eyes at her dramatic best friend, setting her shoes aside before walking into the home that she was now familiar with and plopping down onto the sofa, as hanni followed suit.

"fuck you too kim yn. i told you to not call me that. it just reminds me of kang haerin." hanni grumbled and muttered something about how whenever haerin says that, it gets on her nerves.

"what even did haerin do anyway? anyway, where's the foood?" yn urged, her stomach grumbling to remind her that her tank was empty of fuel.

"is that really the first thing you think about the moment you arrive here?" hanni snickered, "can't you wait for like another ten minutes, maybe?"

"well first thing, technically, it wasn't the first thing i thought about when i arrived. and secondly, i am famished. i'm literally starving to the point that i could eat a horse."

"did your mom not feed you or something..." hanni peeked over the couch, stretching her neck to see better, "my mom's at the back of the kitchen, she's cooking right now."

"i thought you were going to cook?"

hanni's eyes widened in bewilderment, mouth gaping open and close like a fish, "since when did i say i was going to cook? i'm a hundred percent sure i didn't say i was going to be the one doing the cooking."

yn chuckled and shook her head, "it's okay hanni pham..." as the taller girl heard the latter click her tongue, "in the future... i can be the one cooking for us."

"hello? what is that supposed to mean?" as hanni stood up from the couch, her hands rested against her sides, as if she was offended by yn's words, "are you trying to tell me that i cannot-"

"yes, you can't cook for shit."

hanni pointed her finger at her accuser, before giving her a tight slap on the arm, "FUCK YOU."

"pham hanni. your language." as hanni's mom's voice echoed from the kitchen.

"but MOM!" yn covered her mouth with one hand, stifling with laughter as she tried to catch hanni's hand with the other, who was definitely not trying to give her another blow on her arm.

"YN STARTED IT FIRST!"

"don't give me that crap. yn dear, do you want some grilled meat as well?" hanni's mom questioned as the shorter mumbled a "so unfair" under her breath.

"yes please!" yn thanked hanni's mother before playfully elbowing her best friend, a pleased look on her face as if she was bragging about her best friend's mom.

"you know my mom likes you more than me." hanni grumbled.

"can't really blame her, can i?" as yn shrugged her shoulders.

"damn you." hanni murmured, giving yn's shoulder a shove.

"pham hanni. i can still hear you."

"NOT EVEN DAMN, MOM?"

"no, pham hanni. yn dear, could you come and help me to wash this up?"

"sure, mama!" yn giggled, waddling her way to the kitchen.

hanni couldn't help but to scoff at her best friend's antics, as she followed the taller girl, not too far behind.

"and you." as hanni's mom pointed to the said girl, "can you help me flip the meat so that i can take a picture of you two and send it to dad."

"why would you send a picture of us to dad...? that is weird..." hanni probed, afraid that yn might be uncomfortable with the situation.

"you know how much your dad likes yn too, right?"

"of course!" yn chimes in, with a goofy smile directed to hanni.

never mind then... i guess she's okay with it...

it was with no doubt that hanni was glad that her parents loved her best friend just like their own daughter. however, with the damn bloody smug on yn's face that she wanted to wipe off so badly, she couldn't help but to fight back the urge to throw the tongs at yn.

"i swear... sometimes, i question who is your daughter."

thank you for the 300!

masterlist / next

to put it shortly, hanni owes yn a favour. a BIG favour. and yn is in desperate need of finding a girlfriend (preferably) to finally get her family off her back. so yn approaches her best friend to get that favour settled.

@seeju @sserajeans @rosiehrs @chaersly @lizseos @sserafimez @sullyoonsmore @misumiausworld @73vyn @falling-intoo-deep @archerheejin @captivq @yumtooki @heartsforteruhashi @txtbrainrot @oshyci @daniellemyluv @yawnnzy @ksnu @dream-chasers-things @haerinstolemyhrt @vaeeeel @silantryoo

tag list !

[ask-court-genshin]

«FIRST EBG CONCLUDES...»

The "ghost" enters Lumine's room with a hollow expression on his face. The hydro eidolon, Kopi, looked up to him with an alarmed expression.

"Y-You?!?" They gawked. "You're not supposed to be here–"

"Stop the act, I know who you are." Dainsleif half-muttered, tired. "I know it's you...

... Ansy."

...

The hydro eidolon evaporated.

"Aww... That quick?"

In a matter of seconds, all the blue was washed away from the person the twilight sword was conversing with. In front of him stood his spouse, Ansy.

"And here I thought I was doing a relatively decent job, hiding from you," they shrugged. "You know, just like what you've done to me for around 400 years or so."

"Ansy..."

"How did you figure it out?" Ansy cheerfully asked in stark contrast to Dain's unapproving stare. "I'm sure you already have a list in your person."

He clicked his tongue, somewhat insulted by how much his partner knows him before handing out a clean parchment.

"It isn't that hard to deduce, my beloved." Dainsleif snarled.

"Congratulations!" Ansy clapped sarcastically. "Want a medal?"

"But this Lawrence." He gritted his teeth. "Where is he now?"

Ansy snorted.

Ah, right. I forgot I'm a villain, too.

"Dead, of course." They spoke so casually as if a murder confession was not at all concerning. "Dain, he's made of water. You know how pathetically easy it is to kill hydro slimes, right?"

"Am I supposed to be–"

"He's not even a real person." They rolled their eyes. "I created him. Made him up like an eighth grader convincing his friends he has a totally hot girlfriend in Inazuma and she just can't come visit. He doesn't even actually have any consciousness."

"And yet he's still based off a real person."

"Yes, he is." Ansy nodded, sighing in defeat, knowing that their next words is bound to sound disgustingly fragile. "He's based off YOU."

"He's based off how you were back then– how you used to be such a knight who'd act so clumsy whenever we talk to each other."

"Tell me, Dain, why the FUCK would he be blonde with strikingly blue– but not as beautiful as yours– eyes when the real Lawrence is a brunette???"

...

...

"You..." He trailed off, flabbergasted. "I am absolutely astounded. Is this your roundabout way of fessing up that you cannot love another man and therefore had to mold water to my likeness in order to survive a week of EBG?"

Dainsleif covered his mouth with a hand before looking away. They knew from the way his shoulders slightly rose by a hair that he snorted in secret.

"That polaroid picture– was that our masquerade ball last year? Did you just alter it a bit to–"

Ansy coughed, not particularly eager to answer that and boost his ego.

Seems they're both equally obsessed.

"Anyways, I completed my mission." They digressed. "I infiltrated the Astro Network to see what's up and survived an EBG while no one rats me out for my @throwaway-yandere persona. I think I won. No one gave me a strike. I'm the one deserving of a medal for playing 4D chess while everyone does EBG."

Dainsleif sighed audibly loud.

"I'd ask for your forgiveness but I think you deserve this offensive statement: my beloved, you are an idiot."

"A homicidal idiot. I killed two people– three if you count Lawrence."

"Four if you still consider me a ghost."

"We're Khaenri'ahn, we don't die." Ansy laughed. "And quite frankly, you're real to me."

Dainsleif's eyes softened.

"I'm certain this isn't how lovers normally pull pranks on one another."

"Well, you diiiiiid kill me brutally on another timeline, so can't you consider us even here?"

He pulled them close.

"500 mora, and I shall consider the thought."

"Boo, you jerk."

"You're evil, and I'd consider myself a good man for this bargain."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll turn myself in Fontaine's prison soon, don't worry."

"Good. See you in another century." Dainsleif joked in his usual flat tone.

"Oh, and Dain?"

"... I'm afraid to hear what you're about to say."

"I looked at the throwaway account and uh, we now have approximately 3,200 gremlin children...?"

"What. I thought you quit writi–"

"They're signing their own adoption papers it's not my fault–"

"Oh, matters not. Happy 3,200 gremlins, Ansy."

"Hmm hmm! Happy 3.2k!!!"

[gregrulzok]

What are your top 10 favorite media, like from books, anime/manga, movies, tv series, etc (if you feel like listing multiple) of all time? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them....

Now THIIIIS is way different from asking me my favourite characters.

When it comes to characters, I tend to be heavily analytical and critical. When it comes to media... Well, you'll see. Whatever the case please note that these pieces of media being my favourite doesn't mean I necessarily recommend them. There's things I love with my whole heart that I wouldn't inflict upon my mortal enemy. You've been warned.

I'm also purposefully omitting some of my favourite pieces of media to shine a spotlight on ones I don't really get to talk about, or just want more people to know about (sorry, Berserk)

I'll try and keep these ones spoiler free, since I'm thinking of them more as recommendations! NSFW media will be marked with a *, but I won't go into anything explicit here. Please look up media mindfully and with discression, some of these may be triggering.

Thank you for the ask and I'm sorry for the ridiculous lengths of information you're about to witness !

Dungeon Meshi

Lets start with a safe one. A simple one. An expected one.

Yes, Dungeon Meshi IS that good.

Dungeon Meshi is a beautifully drawn manga that starts out slow, whimsical and almost slice-of-life-y, and then descents into utter madness so slowly and skillfully that by the time you blink you're in another dimension.

The world building in this series is second to none - everything makes sense and nothing is handwaved. The genuine and honest passion in the way the world feels alive is palpable, and despite its realism it never loses its magical feeling.

The characters are charming, lovable, realistic, and complex. Each of them have an inner world to tap into, each of them feels like a real person you could hold a conversation with and would WANT to hold a conversation with. Here I'll also proudly announce that we get zero (0) gratuitous fanservice, zero (0) characters who exist as a punchline, and guaranteed Sexy-Lamp Free !

The plot... Fuck, man. The plot is the most honest and bare faced look at some of the most nuanced subjects in the world (desire, ambition, love, death, survival, trauma, neurodivergence) wrapped up in a way that feels simple, grounded and real.

It also sincerely began to heal my relationship with food. I don't think I've ever seen the subjects of cooking, eating, health, weight and body diversity portrayed so well in such an empathetic, understanding and caring way in any piece of media. Body positivity is not so much a focus, but rather an undercurrent in the whole manga.

Whew ! With one objectively good piece of media out of the way, let's move on to something more unhinged, such as ...

Honestly I can't begin to imagine what kind of person WOULDN'T enjoy Dungeon Meshi. Do yourself a favour and read it.

Cats (1998)

Cats. The Broadway musical cats. One of the longest running musicals in the world, award winning, famously bashed and hated, recently revorked into a horrible film that was even more bashed and hated, the beautiful, glorious wonderful disaster of my heart - Cats.

Specifically, the 1998 film version.

...It's so hard for me to explain this one.

At some point, while watching Cats for the second time (for a reason I cannot explain), some neurons fired the wrong direction in my brain and now I have a pathological obsession, to the point where I can name each and every single Godforsaken cat in this show, including the ones that don't even appear in the credits.

Cats. What am I even supposed to say here, like, genuinely. It's cats.

Well, here's the thing - the choreography and acting direction in this fucking musical is genuinely breathtaking. It takes a few watches for it to fully click, but once it does, I sincerely believe that Cats is one of the most endlessly fascinating pieces of media to analyze. What you have to understand about Cats is that every single character (with very few exceptions) is on screen basically for the entire show. And so while you're watching the dancing in the foreground (which is beautiful on its own), every single cat in the background is just ... There. Moving, interacting, portraying characteristics that are never stated, never so much as focused on - but you can see them. You can see the kittens playing with each-other, you can see the elders gossiping, you can see small bits and gags you won't catch your first time, or second, or fifth. You can see how rowdy Tumblebrutus and Pouncival are, you can see how excitable Electra is, you can see the quiet dignity of Coricopat and Tantomile, the friendship between Jellylorum and Jennyanydots. There's always new little bits of background characterisation you can catch, pretty much regardless of how many times you've seen it.

In that way, Cats is feels the most alive, the most ever changing and evolving. I'm completely enraptured by it and if you do want to watch it, I recommend watching it as many times as you can stomach, because your first time through it'll glide right off you like water off a duck.

Chainsaw Man (Public Safety Arc)*

The first time I finished reading Chainsaw Man, I stared at my phone for a straight minute, then started sobbing. The next morning, I drank alcohol for the first time.

I wish that was a joke.

I'll admit I'm not up to date on the second arc of Chainsaw Man - it honestly got away from me a little and I'm not entirely sure I'll be finishing it.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that the first arc is one of the most tightly written, beautiful, emotional stories I've ever read.

Sure, it's fun and funny. Sure, it's cool in it's action scenes. Sure, the art direction is absolutely breathtaking. Sure, the character design and worldbuilding are interesting and detailed.

But at its heart the core appeal of CSM, to me, is the way it speaks about trauma, abuse, assault, isolation, fear, and desire. Chainsaw Man is painfully down to earth in a gritty, real way, and while it is extremely dark, it's also uplifting and hopefull in a way a lot of dark media isn't.

Chainsaw Man makes you feel tiny, helpless in a massive world. Chainsaw Man puts you up against horrors both tangible and fantastical, and then it looks you in the eyes and says "Hey. You aren't weak. You aren't useless. The world is scary, the world is cruel, the world is harsh, but that doesn't mean you can't fight it. That doesn't mean there isn't hope".

I really don't know how else to describe it without going into spoilers. It's genuinely moving.

Arcane

Arcane is a beautiful tragedy that has no right being as impactful as it is for being a goddamn League of Legends adaptation, of all things.

The art direction in Arcane is absolutely insane - Taking a page from Into the SpiderVerse (which is another favourite of mine), it blends 3D animation with a 2D-esque art style and fully 2D effects to bring what I genuinely believe to be one of the best looking shows in the world to life. And that's not all !

Arcane is infinitely nuanced. Between it's multiple plots it introduces many, many characters, all of whom have their own wants, needs, goals, ambitions, fears, flaws and trauma, and it clashes them together beautifully. Nothing in Arcane feels like an afterthought to me, I think the most fantastic thing about it is how expertly it weaves all these different storylines together. Everything ties into something else, everything affects something else, the story changes based on every little movement of our main characters and by the time it unfolds you realize that there's nothing that could really be done to change it because EVERYTHING lead to this.

It's a tragedy in the best way possible.

Attack on Titan

I don't care what anyone says - Attack on Titan is one of the best Anime ever put on screen.

I am a person that grew up in a colonized, war-torn country. Part of our land is still occupied, and our occupants are currently seeking refuge in our city and acting like this is their vacation resort. My people have been marginalized, demonized, dismissed, our culture has been erased and we have been fed more propaganda than I can count.

And I say this because I think being in this situation lends me a pretty good perspective of what AoT is:

Propaganda. The first two seasons of Attack on Titan are literally an extended propaganda film, meant to trick and decieve the viewer into siding with the protagonists, and dismissing their enemies as mere monsters.

If I go any deeper into that statement, there will inevitably be spoilers, so I'll cap it off with this:

There are no easy answers in war. There are no heroes and no villains, there are no good guys and bad guys, and there are no winners. There is only deception, control, and death.

I've never seen a piece of fiction capture the true, real horror of war quite as well as Attack on Titan does.

Death Parade

Everybodyyyyyyy put your hands upppppp

Death Parade is the show I go to rewatch when I have nothing else to rewatch.

It is a soft, yet painful look at human nature. It's an exploration of what makes a person good or bad, and whether such things even exist. It brings into question the very nature of humanity, whether there's such a thing as being good or bad, whether our character is formed by our circumstances or our behaviour, and how those things should be judged. It asks what it means to have emotions, to have feelings, and how your own personal emotions and biased factor into how you assess other people - whether it's more unfair to judge someone objectively without empathy, or subjectively with your own narrow, biased worldview.

All of that wrapped in a beautiful aesthetic, and a somber, subtle love story. Not even necessarily a romantic one - just pure love.

Highly, highly recommend.

Oyasumi Punpun*

Oyasumi Punpun is the most direct, honest, unfiltered, unbiased look at a human being's psyche I've ever seen.

It's also one of the most triggering bits of media on here, so proceed with caution.

Oyasumi Punpun follows the life of a single boy from his childhood, through his adulthood. Every single hardship, every single setback, every victory, every memorable experience, is shown to us through the lense of his own eyes. His childhood innocence, his teenage cynicism, his adolescent hopelessness, his own naivete, his own trauma, his own biased colour the way we view the world around him.

It genuinely makes you feel like you are wearing his skin and living his life through him.

Its disturbing, uncomfortable, dark, scary, and it's funny, hopeful, and just plain bizarre.

Great Pretender

Alright, back to light-hearted things !!!

Great Pretender might be the funniest show I've ever seen, to me, personally. Its bright, saturated, expressive animation compliments the absolute insanity of this show perfectly.

The most basic premise is that Great Pretender is about two con artists desperately trying to out-con each-other, and then it all goes downhill from there. It sets up so much of its payoff in such tiny little ways that by the time I got to the end I'd be beating myself up for missing a completely innocuous detail like a characters fucking watch, because it was actually a hint towards the overall plotline.

Its clever, it's funny, it keeps you on your toes, and it can be genuinely heartfelt and delightfully homoerotic to boot !!

It's absolutely worth the watch. Please give us season two. Please. PLEASE.

Dark Heaven*

Dark Heaven is what I'd recommend to someone if they told me they liked reading BL.

As a gay man in an interracial relationship, I've yet to find a piece of media that is quite so open direct, brutal and honest about the kids of issues that gay people, people of color, and people in interracial relationships can face.

To that end - it's extremely triggering if you're sensitive to those particular topics, as well as some other things. I'd very much recommend looking up a list of triggers first if you want to read it because it does get very, very dark. (And very NSFW). (Right from chapter one)?

But yeah - Dark Heaven is a beautiful, engaging, and at times very fluffy and humorous romance between two men, that is heavily overlaid with real actual issues people face every day (and some people don't face every day, but are nonetheless very real). It's honest, soft, and uplifting where it needs to be, despite not sugarcoating absolutely anything. It also does us the wonderful favour of not fetishizing gay men, not playing into weird creepy stereotypes, and not turning their relationship into something to gawk at.

And now, the one, the only, the piece of media that captured my heart and soul and will never ever let go:

Warrior Cats

Fucking Warrior Cats.

I have read every single book in the series. The series with over 100 books (depending on how you count them). Every official piece of media, I have consumed.

I've been reading this book series since I was 11. I've loved, cherished, lived and breathed it. I keep up with them to this day. I recently completed a chronological re-read. I've made OCs. I've roleplayed it in person and online - in fact I've been a mod in a DeviantArt roleplay group.

I HAVE A GODDAMN EXCELL SPREADSHEET WHERE I ANALYZE THE STATISTICS OF THE WARRIOR CATS NAMING SYSTEM

"Oh wow, sounds like the series is really good" WRONG

Warrior Cats is one of the worst written series I've ever read. It's poorly paced, it's full of plotholes, most characters are pieces of cardboard with a furry coat. It's dumb, nonsensical, inconsistent, and infuriating. It preaches the worst lessons I've ever heard, it's full of nothing but wasted potential, and I could honestly count the number of books I'd consider to be genuinely good on both of my hands.

Out of a 100. I've read a fucking hundred of these. Send help.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I read them?

Because I'm autistic and my brain is holding me hostage.

Against my better judgement, I have such a deep and genuine love for this series, for the characters, for the content mostly created by the fans, for the world building.

And every single time one of these fucking cats dies, I end up tearing up.

I love Warrior Cats and you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

...

And that's IT !!!

Thank you again for the ask, and thanks if you read it this far !! You can really tell which ones of these I'm currently hyperfixated on haha.

Again please practice discression in looking these up - I have absolutely no triggers, and so don't think twice about consuming really dark and heavy pieces of media. This is also why I didn't just opt to put in my own trigger warnings - because I don't know everything that could be potentially triggering, and I don't want to give off the impression that you know everything you need to, in case i missed anything.

Be careful and be safe !

[heckthis-heckallofthis]

How I think the Friends cast would act drunk

Squad leader: Canonically he's mentioned he lets loose a lot more when he's had a few drinks, and he's once boasted about how strong he was during a small party in Bar Histamines (overly exaggerated too). I like to imagine he just straight up forgets what social anxiety is. No longer is he bound to the shackles of stressing if a specific behavior he does makes him look weird.

2145: I think he probably has a high tolerance, but if he does drink enough he would probably just sleep. Big nap time for him. His eyes stay open but trust me he is napping. You can't get him up unless you offer him bacteria or he finishes processing the alcohol

IM1235: Canonically she gets a little ditzy and can barely tell friend from foe, you could be scolding her and getting mad at her and she'd still be very happy to talk to you and listen to you. She also passes out but it's a little after she's done being silly.

3033: He has no more filter. He says whatever and goes off about what he's thinking about at that moment. "They overwork us TOO MUCH, I need a holiday right NOW" or he starts rambling about how bacteria tastes bad, or talking about the killer T cells being incompetent and stupid. Usually he will at least keep it to himself but no more, his temper is more explosive than normal.

Dendritic cell: If you let him sew during this period he will probably make the most fucked up looking bacterium you've ever seen, he still thinks he's doing a good job. He's canonically just allowed a naive t cell to activate while he's drunk, so he probably does whatever without considering the consequences.

M cell: M cells probably just in general have a high tolerance. It'd be funny if he absolutely forgot about his depression and just actually started being normal about things. Something unlucky happens to him and he's like "why do I feel like I'm supposed to say something self deprecating right now." He cannot walk in a straight line, constantly bumps into things but never acknowledges the fact that he did, and if he falls over he might just sleep then and there. Right on the floor.

Eosinophil: Probably still has a little anxiety left in her body, gets shaken up by the littlest of things, IM1235 accidentally bumps into her and she jumps. She probably jitters a little, you ask her if she's cold and she does the "Huh?… no I'm not" brain lag.

B cell: He will start flirting with a plant in the corner of the room, when you tell him about it he goes "Well if they are then they gotta be the most gorgeous plant out there." Even in this state he will still insist on taking care of Memory cell, despite him not even being able to locate where exactly he is.

Memory cell: I don't think any part of him changes, he still messes up names (other than B cell) and he still is his old man old self.

NK: She is practicing her sword fighting skills with some other immune cell, she is doing a bad job but she still insists that she needs to or else what if something bad happens??? Who will protect all these innocent cells?? (Other immune cells who aren't out of commission but that will not convince her)

RegT: Solitaire gaming off the charts on her, she's clicking 6cps and will not stop. Probably got a world record solve at some point but was never recorded. I think it'd also be funny if she took a few jabs at HT just for fun, "you're so sloppy" "tuck in your uniform" "you're addicted to sweets"

HT: Emotional rollercoaster on this one. Laughs and cries and goes insane all in the same minute, annoys RegT, calls in some immune cells just because he can. He cries terribly when no one acknowledges him (RegT gotta call in Dendritic cell just to take care of him because she doesn't know how)

Cross: Canonically is a messy and annoying drunk. He either loses his temper very fast or he doesn't even realize when is the appropriate time to be angry. Clings onto squad leader and gets him cups upon cups of alcoholic drinks because he's having too much fun to realize that is rude (and also the fact that squad leader is suffering)

[distortedwhite]

sits down. hello enstarries i'm here to let everyone know the worst experience i've ever had with game account recovery. literally even aichuu was easier than whatever this fuckery is

(tweeter thread)

let me provide a little backstory first. everyone here knows i Love enstars—jpstars specifically. i grew up playing !-era enbasic, am still playing !!-era enbasic, and play the japanese version of enmusic as well. when engstars first released i gave it a try, got bigbang subaru and conquest hiyori, somehow became a vice prez for the society i'm in (and still get to mod for even months after quitting engstars. if anyone here needs an active society, contact me or toribuns on tweeter :DDD), got link click kouchan and mika... i was pretty happy with my account.

however, i quickly lost interest in engstars, since jpstars is my one and only love LOL but i kept engstars on my phone in case i wanted to return to it. and i did return to it! i played the campaign that ran during the secret swan gacha just to see if i could get natsume (i didn't ftr www)

and back i went to ignoring engstars for 476534 years. and that's where my personal problem arises. you see, i never linked my account to a tweeter acc, or google acc, or email, or whatever. my thought process was like "why would i need to do that? i still have engstars on my phone, and it isn't gonna randomly kick me from my own account right. RIGHT???" but that's precisely what happened. i opened engstars because i needed some info from the new spotlight event for the wiki, only to see engstars just kicked me out.

ofc i go "OH SHIT. I never linked my acc to anything." so i check support and they don't have Anything on account recovery. but they Do have something on data transfer :D it requires me to have a new engstars account in order for them to do the transfer, so i make a new account. and let me just tell you. fuck the engstars tutorial. legitimately, fuck the engstars tutorial.

after 4753835 years i escape tutorial containment and fill out the rest of the support form, which included your typical "lost account" miseries. ("how the fuck am i supposed to know what my rank is. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANYTHING......") eventually i do manage to fill the form and send it off. waiting game.

(also i still cannot believe engstars is an Official thing. it feels so fanmade and unprofessional. typos and spacing issues, And the app won't even let me scroll down further to read whatever it says on the second screenshot. i assume it says "Problem solving in progress" but me not able to scroll down in order to read it is bad design)

a day later—which, kudos to engstars support team, i did not expect them to only take a day—i receive a response saying they did find my account! but they also said my account was linked to a tweeter account that doesn't match the one my new engstars account—yknow, the one that they needed me to make to transfer data—is linked to.

i was pretty surprised because damn i had no idea my account was actually connected to something but okay! engstars support wanted me to switch tweeter accounts in order for me to do some.... authorization... things... seriously i can't read their response. revoking my kudos because i'd rather have a legible response than a quick one

ANYWAY i try...??? to log in with a different tweeter account, but engstars won't let me, so i go directly into tweeter and revoke engstars access permissions. and after that? i expected to get back to the tweeter log in screen, but instead engstars won't even give me that, telling me that the login failed after tapping the "Login with Twitter" button.

guys i'm so tired. but i'm doing my best. link click kouchan. i go clear app data for engstars, and after opening the app again, the support ticket i got was still there which is nice. i also get the tweeter log in screen again, nice. i also don't even get to log in because whatever browser engstars is using, it doesn't have javascript enabled so tweeter doesn't do anything :)))) i have to back out of the page, bringing me back to engstars and the, by now, very familiar "login failed" pop-up

that's where the story more or less ends? pauses? someone on the wiki server suggested to try login on the pc version so i let it do its downloading thing while i sat here writing this LOL it's done now. time to try that.

forgot the password for the account i was trying to get into DSGHSJDG anyway tweeter blocked my attempts because i had too many wrong ones. how long does it take until i can try again. whatever i'll end this post here... tell all your friends to keep your accounts safe because this is an absolute shitshow.

[chaos-cousins]

So! Uhm! Ren is getting interrogated. This is not good for his ptsd. I'm making an audio transcript

[Ooc placing under a cut for length]

[A door opens. Kamado walks in, and sits at a chair.]

Kamado: "So, Zoroark. Do you remember when I told you that I was prepared to make harsh decisions to protect Jubilife Village?"

[Chains rattle violently as Ren struggles.]

Ren: "Let me go! Let me out! I'm not a fucking Zoroark!"

Kamado: "So you claim. I cannot let you free until I have ascertained your true nature."

Ren: "And what are you gonna do? Interrogate me?"

Kamado: "That is correct."

Ren: [He laughs.] "Really? You call this an interrogation? I haven't even been beaten. Do your worst."

Kamado: "Those children. Elena, Hibiya, and Akari. Why do you control them? What goal do you have in mind for them? What evil influences are you spreading into their innocent minds?"

Ren: "Control them?! You think I control them?! I would never! If I had a goal in mind for them, it would be to get us all home! And sure, I taught Hibiya how to curse, but I wouldn't call that evil!"

Kamado: "You taught a small child how to place curses on people?! And yet you don't see that as evil?!"

Ren: "What—NO! I taught him how to swear. I taught him swear words."

Kamado: "I see. So you are not above corrupting innocent youths."

Ren: "Well—Listen, I got tired of him swearing wrong."

Kamado: "Hrrm... My next question. Your appearance. It constantly shifts. First, it was those ears and tail. Then, your hair. How does one explain that other than the fact that you are a Zoroark!"

Ren: "What."

Kamado: "Do you not deny these allegations?"

Ren: "Do you hear yourself?! That's fucking ridiculous! The ears and tail were fake! If you let me out, I can show you!—"

Kamado: "Do you truly believe you can fool me with that? And what of the hair? You stated that Arezu was not the one who dyed it."

Ren: "I'm not trying to fool anyone! It's the truth! And I was the one who dyed my hair! Not through illusions, not through Arezu."

Kamado: "Tell me, how did you manage that? Where did you get the resources?"

Ren: "I dyed it with the same resources Arezu does."

Kamado: "So, you have stolen from her? Let me make it clear that thievery does not go unpunished in this place."

Ren: "No! I just used hair dye! I got it through unconventional methods, but I didn't steal!"

Kamado: "I see. And what of the multiple reports of a horrid illusion you summon in the space-time distortions? Your outfit changes as well, I hear."

Ren: "...Look. That's complicated. It's not an illusion, it's my Persona. It's a part of my soul. I can access it in space-time distortions. My outfit changes automatically. It's not an illusion, and I am human!"

Kamado: "Hrrm... and what of those red eyes that occurred when I gave you that test of strength? They are shockingly similar to an Alpha Pokémon's. That unnatural speed, as well..."

Ren: "They don't glow, dipshit! I'm not an Alpha! It's hard to explain, and you wouldn't get it, but I promise you, it's not an illusion."

Kamado: "Is that any way to address your Commander? You should know your place."

[Ren lets out a quiet squeak.]

Kamado: "Well? Can you explain those red eyes?"

[Ren doesn't respond.]

Kamado: "Answer me, you foul beast!"

Ren, his voice shaky: "Do whatever the dist you want with me. You can't hurt me in any way that matters."

Kamado: "I suppose I won't be getting any more answers from you."

[Kamado gets up from the chair.]

Kamado: "I will deliberate on this. You are to stay in here until I return."

Ren: "And how long will that take?"

Kamado: "As long as is necessary."

[Kamado leaves the room, and the door shuts behind him, and a lock clicks.]

[Ren begins to sob quietly.]

[doctorprofessorsong]

A dramatic re-telling of my SPNDen adventure

So, I was supposed to go to the gold panel, but I had to run to the room for something. The elevator stops on the third floor and the doors open a few inches, close again, open a bit, close. Stop. I'm decidedly stuck.

I calmly (frantically) press every button, nothing happens.

So I call the emergency services with the call button. "Please hold for emergency services. *hold music."

Well fuck. Like a modern person with 12 minutes to get out of the elevator, I send completely normal messages like "HELP. I'M STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR." Nothing goes through.

It occurs to me this is my fault for locking Dean and Cas in an elevator in TBATT.

Someone comes on the line "emergency services how may I help you?"

I inform them I am stuck in the elevator. The operator responds as if I have ordered a value meal and she needs to know what soda I want: "is the power out?"

I confirm that my new prison is well lit. She says OK I'll let them know call if there are further emergencies. Click.

I am like: she didn't even ask me where I was? The doors open again a few inches.

I try pulling them. They stubbornly mock me. I wish Misha Collins, beefcake, was there. I try pacing a bit to see if I can get service. Nothing happens.

Finally, I hear someone walk by. I scream through the crack in the door to go tell the front desk and thankfully they do.

The facilities guy shows up and informs me the fire department is coming. As an added bonus to intermittent opening and closing of the doors, the emergency alarm also goes off sometimes.

I am now not making the beginning of the panel.

The fire department shows up. Finally! I will be free! This is gonna make such a great story in the panel if I'm...nope. they can't get the doors open. But now in addition to the intermittent wail of the alarm, the elevator is shaking as they try to use a tool to pry the doors open.

The doors are as stubborn as Cas, who ignores all my prayers to fly me away. Ass (affectionate). Perhaps I am an abomination.

A firefighter decides to pry the door open from the top. Much shaking ensues. He yells down that the doors are bent.

I joke: so are you saying I live here now?

The firefighter: haha. No. We'll just bring you through the top.

Me: oh nooooooo.

See I am doing great in my new tiny room actually. What I don't enjoy is heights.

And this is high. And small. And actually, I'm good.

The firefighters, unconcerned with the impending hit to my pride (it's as if they are unimpressed with my CLEAR bravery. I'm basically a hero at this point 😅)

They drop a ladder straight down. Understand this ladder is too short. It barely reaches the panel and it's supposed to be angled.

This is definitely how I die. Cool.

I hear the following discussion:

Firefighter 1: you gotta go down

Firefighter 2: oh am I the smallest on the truck

Firefighter 1: yeah. Neither of us are going to fit.

My brain: oh no. What if my ass doesn't fit through the skyhole? I am gonna be like Winnie the Pooh stuck in the cave, getting pushed.

Me (probably).

The firefighter does that cool slide thing they do without touching the rungs.

He has me climb up the ladder. I cannot overstate how much I, and therefore the ladder, is shaking. My buddy firefighter 2, bless him, is like: I'm not gonna let you fall, ma'am.

I get to the top of the ladder and very cooly (complete and total panic) point out (hysterically screech) there is nothing to hold onto.

Firefighter 1 (bless him) says: ma'am, do you want to hold on to me?

I grab his arm so tight the poor man probably has bruises and pull myself out. My ass and I make it...

But not to the J2 panel.

I thank them profusely. Confirm I do not require medical assistance and resolve not to see them again.

I see them a few hours later responding to the fire alarm and medical event.

The Aurora Fire Department is the real MVP of the con.

[horror102]

Pursuit of happiness

TW: Cam girl, Angst, Stalking, Failure, trauma

Sexual intent, manipulation, masturbation

Featuring Joe Goldberg with a person he cannot figure out.

There she was, almost like destiny. She's nervous, looking at her jittering fingers, she takes a step to the romance aisle. Dark romance fantasy I'm about to be the man of your dreams. Two steps, one step and pow.

“Oh I'm so sorry!” she replied quite quickly, embarrassed knowing this will be burned in her memory at such a price.

“Oh please, we both know it was my fault." I joked I want you to feel at ease, talk to me. Let me know if I hit the jackpot baby. She chuckled, such a snotty laugh, cute even.

“Dark romance?”

“Yes.”

Another quick answer, losing her God I'm losing her.

“Now the best option would be romantic grays, though everyone is into that vampire series now.” I scoffed at letting her fingertips grave against mine hearing her let out a fake laugh to extort conversation,

“God, Twilight is horrible, they look like medieval creeps!”

She laughed, her shoulders fell back, teeth flashed. It was a genuine joke. Growing comfortable. Make your move joe, make your move.

“Almost as if he's covered in ashes!”

I joked, quickly I realized I messed up, he's a vampire dummy. Of course he'll be pale. You work at a bookstore Joe get it together. Rail her in. I had to almost curse myself listening to her fake little giggle.

Woah there, she placed her phone on a bookshelf, Bingo! When leaning on it I swiped it up. Making sure she was bending down to get a book, her loose genes and curved hoody smelled like pineapples, freshly washed, ironed, and linted. I watched her walk toward Male fantasy, a bunch of big bulky men. God I did not fit her type.

“Hey, um sir?” she called out to me, making me realize I didn't give her my name I walked toward him giving her a little jog.

“Sorry, it's Joe. Joe goldberg. assistance?”

“Yeah um, Do you have Bitten?”

She asked me my heart pumped out of my chest God I had no comparison, joe keep it cool keep it cool.

“The series with big bulked guys? Right this way.”

I joked, almost killing myself for how corny it was.

“Anything with a man is fine, as long as they're clean shaven.”

She joked, time to get the wax Joe. Many minutes later I rewarded her with the book, she paid for it. She left but quickly came back in.

“Bye Joe!”

She stated, don't say that baby no. See you later.

-

Hours later I checked out and the store came to a close, in the midst of walking home I took out the phone, password.

Shit.

I turned over the back of the phone and to my luck, the silly girl had the name on the back of it.

“Twin flames.”

I typed in, immediately it opened and I was met with some type of romance screen, messages where are you? I clicked on the messages, there were many many men. Going from A to Z

Andrew

Billy

Camden

Derek

Emanuel

ECT

“Who was in your life, and why so many men.” I whispered to myself hitting my head on the door from not paying attention, I unlocked my door and sat down on my couch. Notifications came popping in. I checked the message from someone who was labeled “Bestie 💕” Woman.

I was met with a variety of sad texts.

I can't put up with his bullshit!

Like wtf am I supposed to do?

I don't want to abandon him but it'd be better if he got killed!

#Fuck you Andrew.

How could my luck be possibly this bad, First my dad. Then everything else, now this? How am I supposed to live.

One who is Andrew? I kept scrolling until I saw something that made my eyes light up. A contact named Andrew, quickly I clicked on it searching for serious messages.

Nude?

And that's all I had to see to know he was a dickhead. Don't worry princess because I'm about to be your night and shining armor. Next her gallery maybe I'll get lucky. I scrolled and scrolled, nothing appealing what so ever, no pictures of her just the sky and it's dull colors

'Live'

Something popped up on the top of the screen, I clicked it only to be faced with a brightly colored room, confusion fled to my face. I gave a subtle tilt. Now what do we have here? I wondered only to hear a familiar giggle. My eyes widened when I was met with an almost nude Girl, minus lingerie. the same one from the bookstore.

“I left my phone at the fucking bookstore!” she cursed, placing her feet on top of the camera so people would have a clear view of the print from her vagina, and how thick it looked from the bright yellow lingerie, she pulled the lingerie up, making it sink into her pussy lips.

“No porn for me, I think I've been a good girl.” she flipped onto her stomach her elbows hoisting her up as she looked directly into the camera raising her ass in the air and grinding it back on the floor, one of her hands flying to grope her ass.

She girl fucking? Seriously unexpected.

Weird little comments like

Suck a dildo

Play with that pussy

Pillow ride

Spank yourself

You've been naughty.

Show me them tits!

I'm gonna cum

Quickly I grabbed my own computer, opened it and downloaded the camgirl app, I made an anonymous account, logging into the same stream. And quickly I became one of those weird comments.

Don't you think we deserve a show?

“Matter of fact, I do think you deserve a show let's do a vote!” she giggled. standing up and bringing a board into view. She wrote

Suck a dildo

Pussy play

Pillow ride

Self spanking

Tit play

Cum play

Rewarded 1 v 1 = Best commenter

“ Now to vote!” she smiled innocently easily making this the hardest decision in my life with only five seconds left I picked pussy play but quickly lost to the pillow ride.

She grabbed a pillow and pulled off her thongs, quickly hopping on her pillow and riding it, quickly I pulled my cock out grabbing some nearby moisturizer, and plumbed my dick up and down,

My finger swirling on the tip as I jacked myself off, she grabbed a nearby dildo and began sucking on it I went even faster pre cum drenching my hands.

[itstheelvenjedi]

~couple questions~ for when you need an excuse to talk about your characters/ship 😽

8, 10, 16, 19, 22 and 25

Pick your fav pairings with your tav.

These are from the [~Couple Questions~: For When You need An Excuse to Talk About your Characters/Ship] list for anyone who either wants the list or wants to send some more!

Sorry this one took a while @csphire, I too got a little carried away and wrote probably way more than I was supposed to bwahahaha But I hope you enjoy! 😉 Obligatory disclaimer that there's some very horny/suggestive things in some of these answers, and also there WILL be spoilers for the plot of the game so like. Do not read if you're someone who hates spoilers and hasn't played through the whole game yet etc etc.

Also, I'm playing loosey-goosey with the lore in some respects because I'm here to have a good time, not a 100% canon compliant time. If you don't like that then just stay off my posts for the sake of both our sanities, I beg of you 🙏Rai is a polyamorous bisexual disaster and has a closed polycule with Karlach, Wyll and Dammon (tho I'm going on ~vibes~ and Wyll and Dammon aren't romantically/sexually involved bc I just didn't get that vibe from them while writing. It's a "ah yes, my girlfriends and their cool boyfriend : )" situation from both sides for the guys. They're purely platonic but they both love their girls a whole lot.) And before someone says it, no I don't care that it's not canon in-game. I don't need it to be canon in-game to do it anyway and I will die on this hill so don't try me /hj

commence the spoilers/horniness/etc under the cut! last chance to click away if you don't want to see that! XD (oh also trigger warning for mentions of child abuse/mistreatment, and...idk how best to word it other than discussions of being trained as a child soldier and references to past abuse and trauma. I've tried to blanket cover with trigger tags but ask if you'd like me to add any others I've missed!)

What do they find physically sexiest about each other? Going with Rai and Wyll for this one bc I think they have the best answers! ☺️

Rai: The ✨horns✨. Listen. I get why he's upset about them at first. I do. I totally get it. But come ooooonnnnn!! You CANNOT tell me those babies are anything except sexy as FUCK to tieflings. They're fucking beautiful horns, and I like to think Rai's a big factor in Wyll learning to "live with" his horns and maybe eventually like them. Just a little bit. She loves his horns and she'll use any excuse in the book to get her hands all over them. At first she was offering to help him with the horn care because he really had no clue & asked her & Karlach for help (tho Karlach wasn't touchable at the time so Rai had to step up for the physical "here like this" demonstration and that's prolly where it started lol) then it became a little intimacy habit between them, he doesn't need her help anymore but he's not going to say "no" if she asks/offers, ya know? :3 (honourable mention to the time drunk Wyll at the Grove party complained very loudly about having "bumps and stuff where they absolutely should not be" because Rai's only reaction to that was "OOH~ 👀💖" hahaha)

Wyll: This might sound like a weird one, but probably her tail? Rai's very tail-expressive, if she doesn't force it to keep still by wrapping it around her own leg (or someone else *wink wink*) then it's ALWAYS moving around or giving away her emotions in some way! It started out innocent enough in that his eyes were automatically drawn to it because it moves around so much. Even despite growing up in Baldur's Gate for some time and thus being around a fair few tieflings (from my limited understanding of the lore and stuff thus far, don't lynch me hardcore fans, I've never played tabletop 5E or the other baldur's gate games lmao) he'd never met a tiefling that moved their tail so much until he met Rai. But now he can't help but stare when he thinks she isn't looking (she totally knows and does things with it on purpose sometimes just to tease him because she knows Wyll is staring. Rai and Karlach have a running (playfully ofc) bet going about how long it's going to take Wyll to figure out that she knows he stares, he hasn't figured it out just yet 😉 lol) Honourable mention for her eyes bc he thinks they're very pretty uwu and not at all for smutty eye-contact reasons cough I mean what

What was their last big fight? What did they learn from it? You get a two-for-one with this one bc the two fights are interconnected (pov: one half of your polycule gets into a pretty major lovers' tiff and the other half gets dragged into it as collateral damage anyway. Sorry boys lol )

Both these fights are also the focal plot beats for a Hurt/Comfort oneshot, but alas, I can't get away with being too vague with this or the reasons why it was a fight kinda don't match up with the "what they learned from it" in the 2nd part of the question, so just act surprised a while from now when I post the fic, ok? XD(I've got all the dialogues and whatnot plotted out now, just gotta convert it to written prose 🫶 ) This one ran away with me and got REALLY long, sorry (or you're welcome, I guess? lol)

Rai and Karlach: disclaimer: I know in-game it all kinda happens in the same convo but for some ~creative liberty~ (because I love me some good ol' Hurt/Comfort angst) I chopped the convo in half with the first bit happening before the fight (bc something Karlach says in the heat of the moment kicks it all off) and the latter half of Karlach realizing she does still want to live and is upset that she's still dying happening a couple days later, after the spat is resolved.

Karlach technically starts it after she hits out when they've killed Gortash but I wanna be clear when I say both of them are at fault for it. This is not only their biggest fight but also a powder-keg type of situation where things built up over time till they both exploded at eachother for different reasons, see below :

Karlach's very stubborn about not wanting to go back to Avernus at first - even into Act 3. Wyll and Rai ofc offer to go with her, but initially that doesn't help Karlach feel better. The worst thing she could possibly think of is putting two of the people she loves more than anything through the nightmare that is the Blood War. So when Rai keeps bringing it up and keeps pushing her about it, she snaps. Listen, I love Karlach a LOT and I think she means well, genuinely, and would never hurt her partner's feelings on purpose/maliciously. But she's a Yeller when she gets mad - and with Rai that is a BAD kind of mad to be. We see this in-game especially if you have her with you when you run into Gortash, and her heartbreaking meltdown after you kill him.

Logically, Rai knows the autonomy of getting to make that decision - to choose her freedom even if it means that it comes with death as an unwanted consequence - is important to Karlach, and if she was thinking logically at the time she would of course want to respect that. In theory. In practise however, it turned out "just sit there and watch me die" was not a line Rai was willing to draw. She gets pushy about Dammon's suggestion that they should take Karlach back to Avernus to stabilize her Engine, even when Karlach insists she's made her mind up and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Rai keeps bringing it up over and over again, and insisting that she and Wyll would both go with her if it'd make it less scary for her, and just refuses to take "no" for an answer etc etc

By the time they kill Gortash and Karlach has her little meltdown she's just had enough of Rai throwing the suggestion into what feels like damn-near every conversation they've had since Dammon broke the news to them in Last Light. So she loses her temper and starts shouting before Rai can say it again.

And the thing about Rai is…she's emotionally reactionary. Whatever energy you give her, she'll bounce right back to you, she can't help it and hasn't quite figured out how to stop doing it at that point in time (though she does get better at it in the future!). If you keep your voice calm and level, she might growl and snap her teeth or smack her tail on something a little bit but eventually she'll match your energy and chill out to just talk about things. But if you yell and scream and shout and call her names? She's gonna yell, scream, and call you names back.

And that's exactly what happens. It's a huge miscommunication/misunderstanding between both of them. Karlach makes assumptions about Rai's past despite the fact that unlike Wyll and Dammon, she'd never really asked Rai about her childhood in Elturel or anything like that (again, I'll stress that I don't think this was done with deliberate malice, but I feel like being a little bit selfish is a realistic character flaw for Karlach to have. She's been through a lot and she gets tunnel-visioned on solving her own problems and when you pair that with Rai's brand of "too busy trying to fix everybody else to fix myself" trauma response and it's just an unfortunate combination. Rai never brought her own trauma up, and Karlach never thought to ask) So as a result, she thinks Rai "got lucky" not being in Elturel when it fell and that as a result, Rai is naïve and doesn't know "how bad" Avernus really was. Meanwhile, while she's certainly not as well-acquainted with it as Karlach and Dammon, Rai's not as ignorant as Karlach thinks. Her Mother Superior was a necromancy wizard, and one of Zariel's goons. The temple where Rai was "taken in" and raised was really just a front for training up either spellcasters or sword-fighters (depending on an individual's aptitude and uhh, the way they figured out where to funnel them was to use them as magical target practise until they either threw a spell back at their "tutors" or the staff agreed that it had been long enough and "they're too slow/useless at magic so idk just give them a sword I guess", basically - most of Rai's scars come from the early years where she was used as every other "student"'s magical punching bag, the rest are from Avarice's rituals, except for the one on the end of her tail which she got when Elturel came back and Rai didn't know the tieflings had been exiled so went back to try and look for Dammon, Rolan, Cal and Lia and ended up being attacked and driven off instead) to be ultimately sent to Avernus for Zariel to toss into the Blood War. She's been the unwilling participant in far too many necromancy rituals and while I haven't quite hammered out the full details of this yet, they were definitely not nice and she's definitely ended up looking some brand of devil or other in the eye before, during said rituals. I'm very much going for the angle of if Rai hadn't been assumed dead and left where she'd run off into the woods and she HAD been in Elturel when it went down? She'd have been just as fucked as Karlach was with Gortash. Straight to the Blood War with her, she would've been Infernal Engine prototype 2.0 and she and Karlach would've met fighting in the Blood War. Karlach doesn't know any of this, and thus makes a flippant off-hand comment that rubs the salt right into the open wound that is Rai's survivor's guilt without fully realising she's done it. Instead of staying to talk it out, Rai gets even angrier and storms off despite poor Wyll's best attempts to try and get between them and calm them down.

Dammon and Karlach: After Rai storms off, she finds herself going straight to Forge of the Nine. It's not a surprise really. She's known Dammon the longest and because Rai already felt bad that Wyll was in-between her and Karlach during their fight (they were having a screaming match in the middle of camp, it wasn't exactly quiet, or pretty D: ) she didn't want to make it worse for him by forcing him to pick a side, so Rai made the choice for Wyll and went to Dammon. Rai's so upset at first that Dammon's terrified Karlach's engine has exploded and Rai's here to tell him she's dead. When he finally calms her down enough for Rai to tell him what actually happened, he…doesn't feel that much better. He's too worried about Rai to go marching back to camp and confront Karlach himself, especially when she asks him "can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go back just yet". But he does stew (I like to think Dammon isn't one to get angry often. And even when he does he's not loud and shouty about it. It's more a broody, quiet, "give you the silent treatment" type of thing)

Karlach's the one, after she's calmed down, who ends up checking Dammon's place when the rest of the party split up the next morning to go looking for Rai after they realize she's still gone. Rai sleeps through Karlach's knocking (she had a hard night, did a lot of yelling/screaming and crying, ya girl passed tf out once Dammon wrangled her into a bath & then bed to sleep it off ;-; ) but Dammon doesn't. He tries to be patient with Karlach but when she starts posturing and growling and snapping at him, Dammon loses his temper right back. Again, he's not a Scream And Shout kind of angry but he is a "Do not raise your fucking voice at me!" kind of angry. It's a side of him that Karlach hasn't seen before and it stuns her so much that it shuts her right up, but Dammon keeps going. He ends up reading Karlach a bit of a riot act about how much, exactly, she'd hurt Rai's feelings because Rai was probably never going to admit it to Karlach herself and it gives Karlach some serious cause for self-reflection. Dammon and Karlach's fight only gets broken up when their back-and-forth finally gets through Rai's Sleepiness and she wakes up and stumbles down the stairs to find them mid-argument. Karlach feels so guilty when she locks eyes with Rai over Dammon's shoulder that she apologises on the spot, which leads to Rai apologising too and they work it out with a little bit of mutual encouragement from Dammon <3

As for what they learned from it: Rai defo gets the longest list but I'll do all 3 of them again bc why the hell not lol

Rai definitely learns to not let her emotions make her careless/less aware of her partners' feelings. As an orphan who was treated more like a tool/weapon by the main parental figure in her life (part of the reason, like Astarion and Karlach, that Astarion and Rai are besties. Cazador treated Astarion like a possession, Avarice raised Rai as a weapon and they're kindred spirits of sorts as a result despite Astarion complaining about Rai being "too nice" XD) for most of her formative years, Rai's emotional maturity very much comes from her stumbling face-first into the lessons/epiphanies herself lol

So she learns to be a bit less "keep my shit to myself but expect everyone to let me deal with their shit" and take up a bit more space/be a bit more communicative about her own trauma. "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you" and "Avernus fucking sucks and they're all haunted by it in some way or another" are the two overarching themes for Rai and her polycule 💖

She also learns to be a bit less impulsive. She ran off because she didn't want to force Wyll to "pick a side", but ended up doing exactly that to BOTH the boys, because she ran off first without thinking it through logically.

Karlach has a little "oh, shit" moment when Dammon sets her straight and she realizes that she never actually asked Rai anything about her time in Elturel or what it was like for her/why she danced around the subject. She just…made assumptions and didn't fact check or think that maybe her assumptions could've been wrong.

For my "version" of the story the snowball effect from this fight culminates in Karlach ultimately deciding that she doesn't want to die. She wants to LIVE. So when they get to the dock at the very end and Rai and Wyll tell her "we won't make the decision for you, but whatever you choose, we're with you". And she chooses Avernus in the end, because even though she's fucking terrified, the fact that after everything they've all been through with something from Avernus dogging their every effort to get away from it, both Rai and Wyll are still willing to go back too. For her. And if they can do it for her, then she can do it for them, and maybe buy Dammon enough time to figure out how to fix her heart for good. (I'm not crying you're crying /lh)

And she also learns that while she has a right to make her own decisions, she cannot presume to make those same decisions for anyone else in the polycule just because she thinks she's protecting them by doing it. She can make those decisions for herself, but she has to let them make theirs sometimes too, even if they're not the decision Karlach wanted them to make.

(honourable/slightly joke-y mention: "Don't piss off Dammon. He's scarier than any Raging barbarian when he's angry" lol)

Bonus Dammon, bc I love him and he's kinda a package deal with Rai /jk. Who gets to wrestle a little bit with guilt (it was his suggestion that snowballed into making his girls fight, after all ;-; ), the guilt from this fight is the straw that broke the camel's back in a biiiiiig pile of guilt he's been carrying around since Rai "disappeared" and he just believed Avarice when she said she was dead and never thought to try looking for her etc. He has to learn to make peace with it, before it starts eating him alive, sort of deal. ;3; Also feel like he gets a bit more comfortable with making his voice heard despite his general introverted nature. If he hadn't been a bit firmer with Karlach she might not have stayed quiet long enough to listen and the spat might've been a lot more drawn out than it ended up being so he gets a gold star for that hahaha

How do they react when the other is upset? How do they try to help?

Sorta-kinda talked about this one in question 10 with Rai and Dammon and Rai and Wyll so I'll do Rai and Karlach for this one! :3

I'd say it depends? Unlike Dammon who just gets angry but not necessarily violent, Rai and Karlach both have a tendency to get aggresisve/violent when the other one is hurt/upset. If its a specific person whose made them upset (and you know. it's not someone they already know/just a misunderstanding between friends) they will start threatening and even actually hurt the person responsible if they can get their hands on them. Be careful with upsetting the other one because you will have a homicidal tiefling on your ass and when she catches you she will rip you in half. Trust me on that one. If Wyll and/or Dammon can't talk her down.

When Raphael starts bothering Rai during the course of the game plot, Karlach has absolutely threatened to rip his face off if he dares lay a finger on Rai. This may or may not become foreshadowing, haven't written/planned anything that far ahead just yet so we'll see when/if I get there hahaha. If its just a general "someTHING happened and I am upset" the default is definitely cuddles. They're both absolute cuddle fiends, esp after Karlach's touchable again. If they're not busy adventuring or helping with camp chores they are huddled on a bedroll snuggling, but this is doubly true when one of them is upset because cuddle piles fix everything. "No you may not bother her until she decides she's done, unless you want IN the cuddle pile too then go ahead". You get the idea lolol

What values do they not share? How do they reconcile those differences?

Going with Rai and Dammon for this one bc they're the first ones that came to mind when I looked at this question!

Rai's definitely a warrior/soldier at heart. Fighting comes naturally to her, whether Dammon likes it or not (and assuming that she'd had a "normal" childhood and not been scooped up by Avarice, this would still be true. Just instead she would've probably ended up a Hellrider instead of an Acolyte). It doesn't mean that he's not going to worry, or freak out, when she charges into something dangerous. Especially because Dammon is the opposite. As I said earlier, I think he can fight, he just chooses not to because he doesn't like it.

From Rai's end, it works perfectly fine. She's never expecting Dammon to come with her into battle, she knows he hates it. But Dammon does worry. He's terrified that one day she'll leave for a battle and never come back. And he won't be there, it'll be Wyll and Karlach by themselves coming back to give him the bad news. Dammon doesn't think his heart can take it. He's definitely had panic attacks before because of worrying about Rai charging off into a fight, but he's had to make peace with the fact that it's in her blood and he can't stop her. A frequent exchange between them before Rai runs right into something dangerous is usually Dammon telling her "I don't need you to be a hero, I just need you to be alive and safe" ( D: ). But he has to learn to trust her when she responds with "I promise you, I am coming back. I'm coming home to you when it's over". The more times she does come back, the more he starts to believe it even if the worry doesn't ever completely go away </3.

Rai always makes sure to "check in" with him before and after a fight as a result. Because even if it seems silly to her, she knows Dammon needs to hear her say it. (Also I think once they end up in the closed polycule with Karlach and Wyll, and knowing that they're there to watch eachothers' backs helps Dammon's anxiety be a bit less bad!)

What's different about their backgrounds? Do those differences affect the relationship?

And again bc they were the first pair I thought of after looking at the question, Rai/Wyll ✨

Rai's an orphan, with the Acolyte background because she was raised in a temple in Elturel and the closest thing to a "parent" she ever had was her Mother Superior, Avarice (who is also a Bhaalspawn a.k.a canon-divergent Durge). Even then, Avarice was not at all nurturing past the absolute bare minimum and by that I mean "don't kill the child soldier before she's been put to use in the Blood War" kind of deal. She has no memory of her biological parents whatsoever and doesn't really even know what having parents feels like.

Wyll on the other hand at least has his dad. But as a result of her childhood, Rai doesn't really…understand, the father-son dynamic that Wyll and Ulder have because she never had anything even close to that in her formative years. She's never deliberately confrontational with Ulder but it definitely takes her a LONG time to warm up to him after Wyll tells her about how he ended up pacted with Mizora as a result of what went on between him and his dad. She doesn't want to make things difficult for Wyll (on purpose) or tell him he can't have a relationship with his father. But she definitely doesn't GET it for a good long while and I think that would definitely bleed over into her relationship with Wyll until she can work through it.

(also something to be said for the Nobility/essentially a street urchin class-gap possibly? But no immediate anecdotes come to mind as of typing this. Just that I think that def creates some differences of experience for them that I'll prolly expand upon/explore more as I write more for them! :D)

Who said "I love you" first?

Aaand for this one, I'mma do all the Tav(Rai) ships again, because I think they're all equally cute and I can't just do one sorry! :D So here we goooo, in no particular order ~

Rai and Dammon: Both, pretty much. As discussed in question 10, Rai and Dammon have known eachother pretty much their entire lives. Their "I love you" was a "both of them blurted it out at exactly the same time" deal. When Zevlor recognised Rai and thus let them into the grove, and she started milling around and reconnecting with old friends/acquaintances/found family from Elturel, it takes her a little while to come across Dammon because his makeshift forge is tucked so far into the back of where the tieflings are staying. And while he's close with the other tieflings, Dammon does prefer to keep to himself so when there's a commotion at the gate he doesn't think it's his place to go sticking his nose in. It's probably something to do with a fight, and ever since Avernus he doesn't want much to do with fighting anymore (I'm also a "Dammon is an introvert" truther. And while I think he can wield a sword I feel like he very much chooses not to. Avernus fucking sucked my dudes, and I don't think he enjoys being on or around a battlefield AT ALL after getting back, though he will craft/fix weapons, armour, shields etc for his friends and family and if it called for it (like helping protect the tiefling kiddos during the grove raid, or defending Moonrise with the Tadpole squad and the Harpers) he will pick up a sword and fight if he HAS to. But he'd very much rather not if he has the choice between fighting or not.)

Eventually, she wanders to the back where his forge is and suddenly Rai is hit with a wave of recognition when she catches sight of Dammon and realizes it's him. She ends up getting his attention by calling out to her and at that point he almost burns himself dropping the weapon he'd been putting through the coals because as far as Dammon thought, Rai had died during the fuss with Elturel and he couldn't believe she was here - cue them both almost strangling eachother with hugs, a lot of tears and a very rushed out "I love you" because with the way Rai was carting around looking for a way to get un-tadpoled, they had no idea if there would be a "next time" that they saw eachother alive again and "I need you to know". ;3;

Rai and Wyll: Wyll went first here, but only just. Rai and Wyll's "I love you" was very much both of them were waiting for the other one to say it first because they were worried it was Too Soon(tm) otherwise. Wyll was the one that cracked first and Rai said it back ahem I may also have a fic for this hence why this one is so short, I don't want to spoiler y'all before I'm done w/ the oneshot and that was that.

Rai and Karlach: Rai went first, she'd known she loved Karlach for a while (I'd even make a cheesy "love at first sight" argument for these two tbh lol). Post-Engine upgrade 2, Karlach had a good cry when she realized it had worked, and as she cuddled and comforted her a little "I love you" slipped out into Karlach's hair. Karlach wasn't too far behind, it pretty much went down how it does in-game after they finally get to go to bed on that same night because I just think her getting so excited and yelling "ILOVEYOUTOO!" back at Rai is so goddamn cute that I have to keep it in there ;3; ❤️

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

It's been a while since I've done a Chortle headlines roundup. I used to do them more regularly, then I did a couple in a row where it was heavy on the post-documentary Russell Brand headlines, and that was so depressing that I cut them out for a while. Let's do a new one. I'll make this one shorter.

Oh for the love of God, Chortle. Please do not make me look at weeks of Ricky Gervais headlines in the leadup to/aftermath of the video release of Armageddon. He could not possibly need the publicity less, for so many reasons. Obviously you shouldn't be a cunt. Everyone who's going to think that already thinks it, everyone else isn't going to change, don't make us fucking read about it.

This looks like a headline that would appear on some sort of parody show. You know, if the BBC hadn't cancelled all its news/topical parody shows in the name of the exact balance mandate that I assume is the subject of that article, though I don't actually know, I'm not clicking on that.

You are doing New Year's Treat wrong, guys. It's supposed to be on New Year's and it's also supposed to have people who are famous (sorry, I'm sure it'll be fun and the people they've cast will be fine, I'm just still mildly annoyed that this year was their one chance to cast John Oliver while he was striking, the stars aligned with him having recently worked with Alex on the Horne Section show, it's gone forever now).

If anyone has the opportunity to see Pierre Novellie's Why Are You Laughing when he tours it next year, I cannot recommend it highly enough. I'm now wishing I had recommended other things less highly in the past, so I could lend more weight to this one. It's amazingly funny, and amazingly well written. It should... I mean, I was thinking it should be a strong contender for the best show (of Edinburgh 2023) award until I heard Ahir Shah's show, and I do now think they made the right choice in giving it to Ahir Shah. But it was the second best Edinburgh 2023 show, of the 40-ish I've heard. It should at least have been nominated.

Can I say something mildly sacrilegious? I'm not sure about this. I am obviously a devotee of Sam Campbell, and my view of Lucy Beaumont has wavered slightly as I've come to realize just how much she's maybe not kidding most of the time, but I do find her very funny. I just think... the proverbial straight man in a comedy group exists for a reason, you know? I don't know how well it'll work to put those two together without someone else to balance it out, they won't have anything to play off. It feels a bit too heavy on Avalan throwing together two fan favoruites from a popular TV show, more than thinking about what pairings would actually work well together. Especially since there doesn't seem to be a planned format or anything. I also don't really think they're as similar as people have suggested.

Having said that, obviously I'm going to listen to this, and I can absolutely picture a scenario in which I finish the first episode and write a glowing post about how I've been proven wildly wrong and concede that I should never have doubted their brilliance. I hope it happens that way.

I know I'm mildly annoyed at him right now, but this show is very good and people should see it if they can. One of my favourite things out of all he's ever done. He did a little preview of bits he's added to it on the latest Bugle episode, and I enjoyed that a lot.

Oh fuck off. No, come on, fuck off. You are not going to force me to engage with whatever the fuck VR is by having Mae Martin do it. It won't work.

...Having said that, is there a way to take a VR set and turn it into nice normal 2D video so I can watch the Mae Martin set? I have no idea if that's possible and I refuse to Google it, no one needs to encourage Mark Zuckerburg. But obviously I want to see what Mae Martin's doing.

I quite enjoyed this little clip. I've never been to Scotland, but this is exactly how I imagine the Edinburgh Festival, I'm currently planning a probably-actually-for-real-this-time trip for Edinburgh 2024, and I will be wildly disappointed if the festival isn't exactly like this.

Weirdly, there was nothing on the Chortle front page about Benjamin Zephaniah dying. He wasn't a comedian or anything, but he had connections to British comedy. I can't lie and say I was incredibly familiar with his work, but I really liked the poems of his that I'd heard and read (I did seek a few out and read them after seeing him on TV, as I quite liked him), and thought he came across very well every time I saw or heard him. And, obviously, 65 is too young and that would be a tragedy even if he weren't a very talented poet.