#i cant drink yet. i cant move out. i cant even drive. my parents need to know my exact location always.

[wastedonthesebutterflies]

I’m about ten or fifteen years too young to be dealing with this shit, but here i am.

[hipsofsteel]

experiencing thoughts i just need to write down

in the intro/advanced playwriting combo class today, there was a gentleman who had a short piece about a 90 year old father who was no longer safe to be at home and what i have to assume was at least a mid-fifties son who is acting as primary caretaker while not living in the house

the father has refused to move into a care home, and the core of the piece was basically an argument that the son and father are having where the father insists hes absolutely fine and safe to be trusted driving, taking his own meds (whichs hes forgotten to do three days in a row), and having nightly fires in his house's fireplace.

the son is so frustrated with his father not even trying to take care of himself ("i set alarms on your phone so you'd remember to take your meds" "i wont use a phone you young people are too addicted to them, besides im fine after three days without them, i don't need them").

its clear that if there was a semblance of a good relationship ever existing between the father and son, it died when the son's mother went to the grave before her husband.

our professor was like "you can really sympathize with both men at different points in the narrative, especially since the son is being so aggressive at moments with his father", and all the class agreed.

except me, although i didn't say SHIT in class, because i was not ready to explain my emotions and years of trauma to eleven people randomly today

CONTINUED BELOW THE READ MORE

There is one aspect I can sympathize with. The loss of autonomy is terrifying to me in old age. on that, I felt for the father. its hard to go from family breadwinner to unable to move around your own home very safely, and being encouraged to give up even more autonomy by moving into a care home.

however, the class kept saying the son was being so aggressive and clearly something unrelated in his life was stressing him and he was taking it out on his father.

and all i could think was "none of you have incredibly emotionally abusive parents, do you?"

now, thats just an assumption im making. i don't know these people's home lives and familial relationships. but let me just say, i heard myself in that son. so loudly that i sent my sister a message we've sent each other over and over for years

"I hope dad dies before mom."

my dad's mother is still alive, and currently in a care home for the last eighteen months. she had a favorite son who could do no wrong among her five children. she also had a least favorite son who she, after the death of her husband, emotionally abused the shit out of.

that least favorite son was my dad.

my dad, even before his father's death, was emotionally abusive. and im so used to this bullshit from him that like, a part of me doesn't even consider him THAT emotionally abusive. yet this is a man who told me when i was in grade school that if i was crying about being bullied, then i deserved to be bullied. WHEN HIS FATHER WAS STILL ALIVE

so, since 2009, when my grandfather died, my father has taken out every frustration his mother shoved on him onto my sister and me. and my mother has repeatedly told us to swallow our tongues. we cant defend ourselves because "your grandma is really upsetting him, and he just needs to blow off steam"

i was repeatedly told my emotions were not as valid as his.

this was repeated when he became an alcoholic. i had a standing recommendation for therapy from the trauma he was giving me over my entire life, and mom said "you cant go to therapy until your dad gets sober". and the sad thing is, i feel like the last major lull in my dad's emotional abuse was when he WAS drinking. sometimes, i fucking miss those days, even though I had to act like a primary caretaker to him during those days.

my mother even to this day describes my father as "her cross to bear", but every occupant of this house is bearing him, and it makes me so mad because again, its saying "your emotions don't matter"

in the play scene, after the father all but forces his son to admit that taking care of him is a stressful burden by all but shoving the words into his mouth, the father openly throws in his sons face "oh, if im such a burden, why do you keep caring for me?" and the son goes "because i promised my mother i would, and YOU taught me promises meant something." and the father goes "well, clearly not. you don't give a shit about promises if you wont let me live how i want to live"

and that filled me with such deep seated rage, because my classmates kept saying how you could tell the son had something UNRELATED going on in his life to make him yell at his father the way he was, and i was internally screaming "THIS FATHER IS MY FATHER AND THE SON IS ME AND ITS NOT UNRELATED, ITS YEARS OF BUILDING RESENTMENT AS YOU'RE TREATED LIKE GARBAGE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN"

there is so much hate and love fused together in my soul at the man i call father already. so much resentment and anger that has to live alongside the rarer and rarer moments he shows me kindness and compassion. and if he lives as long as his mother has managed, i have over 30 more years of this anger to build on.

my grandmother has never apologized to my father, and her memory's so bad now that i know she never will. and I know my father will do the same to me. he treats all the other residents of the house like hysteric harpies who should never be listened to because we're just dumb emotional women. when my grandmother dies, my father will not be able to say anything nice at her funeral. i, at age 25, already know i will not be able to say anything nice at his.

and now, im left holding the bag that this piece dredged up out of my soul. its ugly, and screaming, and i was unprepared to look at it today despite 100% knowing it was there and looking at it before. and yet, there it is. dumped back into my lap once more.

and im left with one terrible prayer, a sort of inevitable conclusion

I hope my dad dies before my mom.

[gwoongi]

wordless pt.1

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: hitman (john wick?) au, sugar daddy au, fluff, pining, angst rating: mature words: 4.1k warnings: mentions of blood and violence, unconventional relationship, angsty themes, smoking mention a/n: this is jeongguk as john wick because i’m trash and i cant finish one story at a time. these prompts r from here btw :) im gonna do all 50 but im too lazy rn so here’s the first 10 :D

Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Jeongguk over the edge if he hears them again.

Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

Now, it definitely was not a stretch to assume that everything in Jeongguk’s life was indeed unconventional. People didn’t need to understand that what Jeongguk did for work was something that, by the law, was considered unprofessional and inhumane, and so when asked, Jeongguk sufficed for “boss of a company”, and questions weren’t asked. If they were, Jeongguk came up with a slightly more conventional lie, to make up for the reality that was Jeongguk working on the clock, killing nobodies for a bit of cash.

Taehyung, his right-hand man, had expressed how unconventional Jeongguk seemed to be over a dinner in Venice, a little restaurant tucked away unconventionally in a street that did not belong to America. Jeongguk spoke four languages comfortably, and had parents retiring in the Canary Islands. Jeongguk donated money to women’s charities and mental health services, and helped bribe his cousins into Ivy Leagues when racism prevented them from entry. Jeongguk was a Joe-Exotic in the making and owned a rescue black panther named Elio, and had houses across the globe for use when working. And, Jeongguk was dipping his toes into playing house with a sugar baby who was only five years younger than him, of whom he had met in a stakeout which involved the hit being on your brother’s head. Unconventionally, you led him to his target, and afterwards, dined with him in a Thai restaurant.

Things in Jeongguk’s life were far from ordinary, but perhaps it was the denial of mundane comforts that kept Jeongguk going. If he went back to normality, to working a shitty customer service job like when he was seventeen, dumping trash into overflowing piles behind the off-license he worked at, things wouldn’t be the same. Jeongguk would feel alien, like he didn’t belong. At least here, amongst the pain and the bullets and the years worth of trauma packed in his wrinkles (which, yes, if he looks hard enough, he can see some cursing his twenty five year old skin), Jeongguk felt like he sort of belonged. In an unconventional way.

Having met Jeongguk during his line of work, there were difficulties in being Jeongguk’s sugar baby. For one, he always felt guilty for having murdered your brother, even though you heavily supported the hit. Your brother was a jerk, a bully with money, someone who had wronged your entire family, turned off your younger sister’s life support when there was a chance of her survival. Asshole, he deserved it. Secondly, Jeongguk was impractical and irrational and often acted selfishly, meaning he was often out of the country on work, only available in whispers for a few hours and then he was gone, compensating with a few sums of cash.

He tried his best. Jeongguk, despite technicalities including his work and his past and his occasional mean streak, genuinely cared about other people. When he could, he made the effort, otherwise not attempting to make promises to you that he could not keep. Jeongguk knows that he got really lucky when he found you. You didn’t ask questions. Nobody was better for him.

However, Jeongguk was selfish, and broken, and in refusal of fixing what was wrong with him. When it was of convenience, Jeongguk drew comparisons to the last girlfriend he tried to entertain. One who wronged him, and died when he tried to repair everything she had destroyed. Jeongguk carries that with him like the tattoos on his skin, a permanent memory, and something that often disturbs what could be and should be between the both of you.

Jeongguk is worthy of love, and capable of loving. On days where Jeongguk is free to lounge without the guilt of not working, you find it is so easy to love him. But, it can’t be that way. You couldn’t just tell him that. Telling him that you loved him would be inappropriately unconventional. Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Jeongguk over the edge if he hears it again.

(1) Holding their hands when they are shaking.

Jeongguk is in his living room, his right leg bouncing like a spring as he cradles an infant glass of whiskey. His eyes are glazed, yet wide, staring at the Seoul city draped in darkness and neon, and without even looking inside, you know that his brain is spinning, thoughts chaotic and loud.

“Hey,” you call out to him, and his eyes stutter to the left to catch you in the doorway, “I heard you get up. What’s wrong?”

Jeongguk shakes his head gently. “Nothing, baby, go back to bed. I’ll be up in a minute.”

Jeongguk often makes comments without expectancies. You stand in the doorway that connects the living room to the long hall that stems into bedrooms and bathrooms, and watch him for a moment. His whole body vibrates like a speaker, his hands trembling as the glass drains and he reaches for a second, or a third, or maybe a tenth. You want to sigh, without being patronising, but you know that any sign of sympathy is mistaken for that whenever Jeongguk is around to make the judgement.

He looks back to the skyline and frowns, his attention panning from the window to his phone that buzzes blue, but he ignores. Stepping across the cool wooden floorboards, you approach him sleepily and take a seat next to him on the sofa. Neither of you move, but he recognises you’ve moved. He bristles slightly, like it was unexpected.

“You can take your time,” you suggest to him, and his hands ache in his lap as he sets the glass down on the coffee table with a careless thud. He scoffs, devoid of emotion, and dips his head so his chin is near his collarbones. In his lap, those hands shake. “Maybe don’t drink so much tonight.”

“I’m clearing my head,” he insists weakly. Those hands still shake.

Brows creased with a pinch, you swallow the unease and reach for his hands. Jeongguk doesn’t say anything as you do so, enveloping his hands in yours, and so suddenly the shaking ceases. Like trying to block the shakes from reaching his wrists, your hands keep his safe.

“I know,” you understand honestly, because you do know what he’s going through. “How about tea, or something? To calm down, calm down the mess that’s up in there.”

Your chin is on his shoulder, and he smiles softly. “Are you calling me messy?”

“Nah, I’m calling your brain messy,” you reply. “It’s a cruel fucking brain.”

“Hate my brain.”

“Today, we hate it.”

Jeongguk’s head turns slightly so that he can see you, and in his lap, his thumbs brush across your skin.

“Thank you,” Jeongguk says quietly, attempting a smile that doesn’t quite convince. It doesn’t necessarily have to, not tonight anyway. His phone continues to flash like a light show, Taehyung’s name in bold. “Fuck. I’ll take the call, and then I’ll come back to bed, okay?”

You nod, “Mm, okay. Want me to make a drink?”

“I don’t need it,” Jeongguk concludes. “Not today.”

(2) Tucking the sheets around them when they stir during the night.

Sometimes Jeongguk wakes up in the night due to nightmares, but tonight, it’s different.

Beside him, you stir uncomfortably and kick his leg for the fourth time. He huffs and looks over, trying to figure out if you’re awake and indignant, or lost in the dream. He settles on the latter when you strain out the name of your brother and his heart swoops with a dull ache.

“You’re just dreaming, baby, come on,” Jeongguk mutters quietly into your ear, holding you in place to calm the thrashing. “He’s not here anymore, I’m here. Y/N.”

It subsides after a few minutes, making it the longest you’ve gone on record. He looks into your sleepy, upset eyes as you break awake and brushes the hair out of your face. He tries to smile for you, and maybe you can’t see in the dark.

“I’ll get you some water,” Jeongguk suggests gently. “Hm? Sweet thing. It’s just a dream.” He says this into your hair in a hug, leaving a kiss on your temple as he breaks. “You’re fine.”

“I’m fine,” you breathe uneasily, and he separates to get a glass of water and returns to find you sleeping again. What relief Jeongguk might have is exhaled as he sets the glass on the bedside table, stroking your hair until he moves away with the sudden realisation that this is not a normal exchange.

Before Jeongguk decides to leave again, he makes sure the bed is made and that you are safe; he tucks the duvet in tightly and presses a kiss to your forehead before grabbing his coat by the front door and leaving your apartment, one tucked in the city so far that Jeongguk finds it a hassle to visit.

(3) Travelling long distances just to see them.

For three days now, you have been in Colmar, and Jeongguk is beginning to feel lonely. It had been his idea to send you away, when the heat on his long, long fued with a rival colleague threatened your safety. In return, you got a new apartment that Taehyung had found closer to Jeongguk’s own when your address got leaked, and Colmar could be considered a vacation if you pretended for long enough.

With tensions cool and the coast somewhat clear, Jeongguk picks the skin around his fingernails as a distraction before deciding that enough was enough. He missed you, and missed how you were always around for him when he needed you most. This is what drives him to jumping on a plane in his company’s name, and flying to France.

A small boat passes underneath the bridge you are standing on, and your hands dig into the barrier as you arch to smile at the tourists beneath. One catches a glimpse of your denim skirt and cherry print blouse in the sunshine and extends his hat with a wave, and you wave back. France is nothing like Seoul, and is indeed warm and fruitful and unique. The sun is hot, the sky is clear, and the streets are filled with an atmospheric buzz of friendliness, the smell of coffee and some food you don’t know yet entrapping your senses.

“Madame, je peux vous prendre en photo?”

Hearing the voice, you turn your body left and prepare to face the tourist, but instead you are welcomed with the sight of Jeongguk dressed in black, sunglasses sliding down his nose with a smile. He does hold a camera in his hands, although teasingly.

“Oui,” you quip, posing cutely and Jeongguk takes a photograph anyway, to humour the moment, to print when he gets back to Seoul. You join his laughter as he peers at the photograph and he walks without looking up towards you.

“When did you get here?” you ask him, a round of laughter from the little boat making you turn to stare at them with a giggle.

“Bout an hour ago,” Jeongguk replies, and he shuts off the camera and puts it in his coat pocket. It’s only a small camera, probably cost him a crumb to buy from a vintage store. He meets your eyes with a comfortable smile and rounds in, pressing your lower back against the bridge barrier and circling your arms around you. Carefully, then, he kisses you, tasting the suncream on your skin as his lips wander from yours to the skin around your face.

“Miss me?”

“Terribly,” Jeongguk responds. “I am so bored when you’re not around. You always have something to do, always have something to say.”

You hum in response. “I’m glad I’m of some entertainment for you.”

“Oh, for sure,” agrees Jeongguk. “I don’t think I’ve used my brain so often when I’m away from work as much as I do when I’m with you. Did you know that you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met?”

“Wow,” you exclaim with a smile. “Hire me.”

“Ha!” he remarks, kissing you again and taking your hand in his. He moves, back in the way you came. “Over my dead body.”

(4) Making their favorite meal when they are having a hard day.

“You.”

“Not now, Y/N, I’m working,” Jeongguk replies non committedly. He fists his hair.

“Not up for discussion right now,” you huff, and he has the nerve to glare at you which only makes you uncomfortably angry. “You haven’t eaten in fourty eight hours, and I’m not about to be held responsible for your death when you die of hunger, so get your ass in the kitchen before I dump this food over your stupid head.”

He challenges you. “You’re brave talking to somebody who could destroy your life like that.”

“Do it, I literally have nothing to lose,” you answer. “Please eat something. I made it with love and care.”

Jeongguk relents, sighing at his paperwork but nonetheless moving away from his home office and following you like a child towards the direction of the kitchen. He feels bad, you know he feels bad, and he circles his arms around your body as you walk, stumbling into the space of the kitchen and smelling the familiar aroma of pork rice stew. Alas, he sees the bowl steaming in his spot at the table and his eyes follow you as you hum and set start to washing the dishes.

“Y/N-”

“No words, just eating,” you instruct. “Bone apple tit.”

He grins, then, and takes a seat. “You know that’s not the phrase, right?”

“Tell that to Twitter,” you sigh.

(5) Giving them a kiss before going to work and they are still in bed.

Jeongguk prefers to see you when he doesn’t have work the next day, because leaving when you’re asleep is an asshole move in any dictionary. So, when one of his men phones him at four in the morning and relays the horror that someone’s died on his property, Jeongguk has to fight the demons that almost convince him to hand the job over to somebody who gives a fuck about the intruder stuck on his barbed fence.

He gets up, anyway.

Next to him, in the bed that belongs to you because this is your new apartment, Jeongguk stares down at you and feels a tug in his stomach. Guilt, it follows him everywhere like a ghost.

Before he leaves, he likes to give you a little kiss for the morning, so the tingling sensation reminds you that despite being an asshole and leaving without properly saying goodbye, he still gives several shits about you, and will be back when he can be.

(6) Tucking your head into their neck during a hug.

Jeongguk wants to hang Taehyung for making him remember the reasons why you had to move across the city to a new apartment.

It had, of course, been Jeongguk’s fault, and when the notification came from an exhausted worker in his line of work that the alarm system in your apartment had been triggered for an intruder, Jeongguk remembers all he saw was red.

The front door was forced open, a body indent in the wood and the front porch ransacked and littered with shards of glass and bullets. Inside was no prettier, with mess scattered everywhere and photos smashed on the floors. The carpets were stained with red that Jeongguk prayed was just wine, the glass coffee table in two pieces and a knife covered in red on the floor. Jeongguk and his men, along with the few police officers Jeongguk could actually trust in this god-forsaken hellhole, noticed that the blood belonged to one of the intruders who lay dead on the stairs.

Nobody knows how Jeongguk got through the apartment so fast, and why, without any hesitation, he murdered the remaining intruders without suggesting questioning and torture. That was his go-to when it rarely concerned you. He wanted those stupid enough to even try and go after you to really fucking regret it as he picked off fingernails and made them suffer for hours or days. This time he just killed, and moved onwards, calling your name like a mantra.

Jeongguk could have cried when you emerged, petrified, from inside one of the closets. Upon seeing you, Jeongguk collapsed his gun on the floor and stepped towards you protectively, pulling you in tightly for a hug. Sobbing into his neck, you hugged him tighter, feeling finally safe when his hand held the back of your head, like you were a precious thing that was of value.

You were of the highest value to Jeongguk.

“Fuck you,” Jeongguk barks suddenly, and Taehyung shrugs and exits the office. All he had asked was if he loved you.

(7) Lightly kissing on top of a freshly formed bruise.

There might be the assumption that Jeongguk comes home with more bruises than you do. Which is true, technically, and there’s no hesitation from your end in nursing them to a comfortable recovery.

On rare occasion, Jeongguk comes home and finds you exhibiting a new purple blob on your skin. Like today. 

Jeongguk hasn’t seen you in two days, and when he lets himself into your apartment with the key he has glued to him at all times, he follows the silence and light to the bathroom. You sit on the edge of your bathtub, gently rubbing cream on your knee in little circles.

“What happened here?” he asks quickly, and you continue rubbing with your tongue poking out between your lips.

“You’ll laugh, don’t ask,” you mutter.

“Hey, I won’t laugh,” Jeongguk says. He rests his weight against the doorframe, “You open the front door the wrong way again?”

Ha! You laugh humourlessly. “Worse!” You look up at him sadly, “I tripped in the parking lot carrying my groceries. It’s on camera and everything, I want to die.”

Jeongguk pokes the inside of his mouth to resist laughing. “Well, fuck. That’s your leg ruined.”

“I know,” you pout. “Good thing you’re my sugar daddy- wanna pay for cosmetic leg surgery?”

“I like your bruised up legs,” says Jeongguk.

“Me too, but not these ones.”

“Bruh, that’s enough cream on your skin,” Jeongguk exclaims, moving forward to snatch the cream from your hands. “More is not better. Come on, you’re okay.”

“It hurts.”

“Boohoo,” he sighs. You don’t move. “Ugh, whatever. Come’re.”

Jeongguk drops the cream tube onto the sink but it clatters into the bowl. He’ll move it later if he remembers to, and he pretends it’s hard to pick you up off the bathtub and carries you swiftly out of the bathroom and into the living room. Things have barely moved since he last came to visit; the swarms of paper still invade your coffee table and your laptop is on sleep mode by a half-empty coffee cup filled with hot chocolate, because he knows your standing on coffee. Everything is a lot messier now that you’ve decided you want to go back to school, but at least Jeongguk knows it keeps you busy when he’s away.

“Oh,” he says suddenly, as you’re sat down with one leg up around him still. He pokes at a spot on your leg and you squirm, “there’s another one.”

You peer to look, “Oh, yeah, that one’s you.”

“Oh.” He pauses, “Pretty, though.”

You huff like a little baby and he dares you with raised eyebrows. That keeps you silent and Jeongguk moves his body at an angle to the right, sweeping to kiss the bruise better, the bruise that he made a few nights ago with tender love and care.

“All better,” he assures.

“It feels better already.”

“Mm. Magic.”

(8) Buying them something unrequested because it made you think of them.

“So, I was at a school fayre today.”

“Really?” Jeongguk sits with his laptop on his legs, and your legs are tangled around his body like some sort of jungle maze. He rarely works on his bed, not unless the work is sudden and he can’t help it. You’ve just come in, dived on the bed and claimed his waist as something to squeeze your legs around.

“Yep. Like, one of those little craft things where students sell their shit and make money from it. You know, supporting local artists! It’s really cute, if I was good at something I’d have participated.”

Jeongguk thinks of things you’re good at, and there’s a lot. “Aw. There’s always next year.”

“Yeah,” you reason. “Anyway- point is, is that I got you something.”

Jeongguk stills for a second, glancing over his right shoulder to see you, “Me?”

“Yep. You.”

“What did you get?” he asks, and then he’s back to checking blueprints.

You untangle your legs and slide off the bed, retreating to your bag slung across the room by the bedroom door. From here, you take out a small little pin-badge and when you’re sat next to Jeongguk again, you fiddle with it until it catches his attention.

“What’s this?” asks Jeongguk.

“It’s a badge of honour,” you claim, and you slip it into his palms. He fingers the front when he examines it, reading the little words of “Number One Dad” and he stares up at you. “Like it?”

“It’s for me?” he asks again.

“Yeah. You can wear it and like, I don’t know, think of me,” you shrug.

Jeongguk thinks for a moment. Even though it’s stupid, and cliche and a little bit embarrassing, he still thinks it’s funny and thoughtful.

“Want me to wear it to work?” he asks you.

“Oh, absolutely,” you encourage. “I’ll get Taehyung an uncle badge if he gets pissy.”

“Hey, you’re mine and he’s not allowed a relationship to you, no matter what definition,” Jeongguk pouts. “He wants a sugar niece, well...he’ll have to look somewhere else.”

You gape. “Wow. Who thought you had it in you to be so possessive.”

“Please, with a pussy like that of course I’m possessive,” he teases. He’s joking.

“My power,” you sigh anyway, and jump off the bed claiming that you’re hungry. Jeongguk looks at the badge again and pops it in his breast pocket before he loses it and regrets it.

(9) Participating in their hobby even if it doesn’t personally interest you.

Jeongguk’s bored out of his brain.

He has no idea how you can be so fascinated by this stupid game where you’re essentially in debt, but he still sits and watches you tour him around this weird island that is inhabited by ducks and an ugly gorilla villager dressed in pink. And to think that he had a part to play in all of this, because his bank account definitely helped pay for this Nintendo Switch and game.

“Do you like my beach?” you ask him. It’s literally just sand and one coconut tree, and a few shells by the water. Oh, there’s a beach chair on there too, but it makes little difference. “I’m poor, I can’t afford furniture yet.”

“Can’t you just make it?”

“I can, but I’m sick of making axes to collect wood,” you explain with a grudge against the fact that tools now break in this Animal Crossing game. Jeongguk hums like he’s invested, and he tries to be, because he cares about you too much to unintentionally hurt your feelings by displaying his crippling disinterest.

“Oh. Makes sense.”

“Can I show you my hybrid flower garden?”

He sighs. “Yeah, you wanted to show me all of your island, right?”

You nod enthusiastically. “Once you’ve had a tour, I can make you a profile and you can play too. You can live next door to me!”

“Why can’t we share a house?” Jeongguk presses.

“Because I don’t think it works like that, babe,” you confess. “Anyway. Here’s my garden.”

(10) Sitting in comfortable silence while eating a meal.

He’s tired. You’re tired.

The radio plays quietly updating Seoul on the fires that spread across the city today, and Jeongguk smells like smoke and salt. He keeps his head down as he eats his meal, something he brought home with him to make up for the fact that he’s been absent for almost a week now. You have so many things to say and he has so many things he needs to say to make up for everything, but nothing is said tonight.

You know he’s having a hard time, because Jeongguk’s been smoking again. He smoked on the balcony earlier, and once again in the bedroom. There are now ashtrays around your own apartment, and you don’t even smoke. Jeongguk takes a drink of bourbon and swallows it dry.

You look up at him from across the table, not wanting to press the issue when you know it’ll end in an argument, and then sex to make up for it. You’re both too tired to fuck today, too tired to speak. Just being in each other's company is enough for tonight. The only words he says are goodnight and something you don’t catch as you’re drifting off to sleep. Jeongguk’s awake all night, the fires burn until early hours, and the smoke smell is still there in the morning even when he isn’t.

[word-scribbless]

Smile Again Part 2

Masterlist

X female reader

Series masterlist

Summary: JJ’s cousin Y/N has been through a lot in her 37 years of life. She’s moved to Virginia to start to move on with her life,until meeting Aaron Hotchner throws a wrench in her plans in the best way.

Y/N meets the team!

————————-

The day after Y/N and Jack’s talk, she got a call from JJ telling her that they would be home in about an hour. Y/N asked if she could bring the boys to meet them at the office. She knew it would be easier for Hotch if Jack was already there, and she also wouldn’t mind seeing where JJ worked. Her cousin loved that idea and called Garcia to tell her to be ready for them.

Y/N had packed up the boys and went to wait, and was becoming quick friends with Penelope, at the BAU. When the team got back the boys all ran to their respective parents. Y/N watched Hotch scoop Jack up and nuzzle his face asking how his week was. She knew she had to catch him before they left. When the kids all ran watch Uncle Spencer do some magic tricks Y/N caught up with Aaron.

“Agent Hotchner can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked shyly.

“Of course Y/N and call me Aaron, please.” He said as he led her so she can sit at JJ’s desk while he leaned against the side of it.

“I just wanted to let you know that Jack opened up to me a bit about his Mom the other night.” She admitted looking up to see Hotch watching her intently.  “I didn’t pry, he just started talking to me and I told him that I know what it’s like to lose people. I gave him some advice that has helped me and he just started talking I hope that’s okay.” She said nervously, playing with her fingers.

Hotch reached out to cover her nervous hands with his gently. She couldn’t deny the way his hand on hers immediately calmed her. Hotch was also surprised by how much he enjoyed the way he felt her nervous hands calm in his. 

“Of course it’s okay. I’m glad you got a long so well. I wish I had the chance to get to know you too. You know, now that you’re my son’s best friend.” He laughed as Jack came running into the bullpen to hug her, causing Aaron to quickly pull he hand away from hers. They looked up to see the rest of the team filing in.

“We’d all like to get to know the great Y/N,” Rossi said, coming over to shake her hand. “How about family dinner tomorrow night and we all get to meet her properly?”

The team all cheered and began chatting with Y/N before heading their own directions.

“I see you’ve been accepted by my flock?” JJ asked as she starts to wrangle her boys to head out.

“I see I have, that okay with you Jayjee?” She asked

“Like you have to ask! I’ll pick you up at 6, Rossi 6:30 like usual?”

“Yup” Rossi nods

“Jj you don’t have to pick me up you’ve got the boys to wrangle, just send me the address.” She said before hearing Hotch’s deep voice behind them.

“Where do you live” He asked as he peered at her over a sleepy Jack’s head, his BAU aunts and uncles always have a way of tiring him out.

Y/N tells Hotch what street her apartment was one, which happens to be right down the road from the Hotchner’s.

“Jack and I can give you a ride, I mean you are his new best friend forever” he smirked.

"If you’re sure" Y/N said after receiving a nod from JJ.

"I am" Hotch answered, "We are" He corrected after jack woke up enough to cut a look at him.

Hotch and Jack had headed up to his office to gather his paper work, leaving Y/N and JJ to finish getting the boys ready to head out.

“I’ll give you a lift since I don’t think your knight in shining armor is leaving just yet” JJ joked to her cousin as they finished packing up. 

“Stop!” Y/N huffed.

“I approve” JJ continued as they got in the car and JJ pulled onto the road. 

“Ughhh”

“Come on you’re not interested?” JJ asked with a skeptical look.

“I’m not even going to try to lie because, you’re… you, so yes I am interested! But I’m not going to do anything about it. Between us we have enough baggage and dead spouses to really throw things off. He needs someone... I don’t know, someone who’s not me.” She answered looking down sadly.

“ Y/N,” JJ said stopping to look at her as they came to park outside the Jereau-Lemontague house.

“He needs someone kind and loving who loves his son and will be understanding of his job and what he’s been through.”

“I don’t know J” Y/N sighed.

“Why?”

“Him and jack deserve perfect and I’m…”

“You’re better than perfect love!” JJ said cutting her off.

“Ugh you have to say that you’re my cousin!” Y/N whined. 

“Penelope is already convinced you need to marry him” JJ laughed.

“She just met me!” She said as she scooped Michael up and followed JJ and Henry into the house.

“Yeah but you’re easy to love and she saw the way you were with Jack. We all want them to be happy. And I want you to be happy.” JJ said honestly, causing her cousin to smile and ask.

“And how do you know we’ll make each other happy?”

“Just a hunch” JJ laughed.

The next evening, at the BAU after most of the team had left, Rossi entered Hotch’s office where he was sitting and completing a large pile of paper work. Hotch sensed his old friend’s presence but didn’t look up from his papers.

“Hey Dave, what’s up?”

“Oh nothing. Just haven’t had a chance to stop by to let you know that I approve.” Rossi answered with a smirk.

“What?” Hotch finally looked up.

“Y/N” Rossi clarified as he moved to sit in front of Hotch’s desk.”

“Oh stop!” Hotch cut him off. “She’s nice to my kid, and JJ’s cousin. That’s it, nothing is going on.”

“Oh come on Aaron.”

“Nope” he shook his head.

“Whatever you say, all I’m saying is to give it a chance, I think she’s good for you.” Rossi said as he stood to leave his friend to think about what he said.

Aaron knew he was right, of course he was interested but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. There’s no way she’d feel the same way...right?

Hotch finished up his paperwork and headed out to pick Jack up from Jessica’s. 

As they were driving to Y/N’s to pick her up for Rossi’s dinner, Jack’s voice caught his attention from the back seat.

“Daddy, I like y/n” He said.

“Yeah me too bud” Aaron answered honestly.

“Are you gonna go out with her?” Jack asked innocently”

“Not you too buddy!” His father responded with a grunt

“Huh?” the boy grunted back

“Nothing, uncle Dave asked me that too but we just met buddy, she’s very nice-“

“Very nice! And very pretty” Jack said cutting Hotch off.

“And very pretty” Aaron laughed.

“And she knows what it’s like to be sad too but said she still believes there is always someone out there to make you smile! Maybe you’re hers, and she’s ours!” Jack told him thoughtfully.

“Maybe...” Aaron said thinking about Y/N “but I barely know her jack, what if we don’t get a long? Or she actually hates Disney movies and cookies?” He Joked.

“DADDY!” Jack yelled. “ She knew all the words to Mulan and made us chocolate chips!’

This made Aaron let out a loud laugh “ I know buddy, I’m just saying well have to see, just because she’s nice doesn’t mean we have to date, we can still spend time with her.’

“But I think you’ll like her” Jack insisted.

“Me too bud but we’ll see, now lets put on some Mulan music we’re almost at Y/N’s” he said switching the CD and pulling up to her house.

The car ride over consisted of laughing and singing loudly and Hotch couldn’t deny he liked the feeling of hearing Y/N and his son laughing and carrying on. When they arrived at the Rossi mansion Y/N helped Jack out of his car seat and he quickly grabbed her hand in one of his and waited for his dad to come around to hold the other. Rossi opened the door with a smirk earning a glare from Aaron that said ‘don’t even think about saying anything’.

“There’s the girl of the hour, and the handsome Hotchner man, and Aaron.” Rossi laughed

“Hi Agent Rossi” Y/N giggled.

“Hi Uncle Dave!” Jack said as he ran in the house.

“Please my dear call me Dave, now come on in everyone is excited to meet you.

Y/N and Aaron walked further into the house. Y/n was quickly wept away by the girls, who asked her a million questions about herself and enjoyed her and JJ’s stories about their youth.

“So, how was watching Jack?” Emily asked.

“it was fine, he’s a great kid.’

“...and he loves you! Takes after his dad.” He joked and Penelope nodded behind her.

“Ugh not you guys too!” Y/N whined.

“I already told her that he was interested but she doesn’t believe me.” JJ sighed

“Oh then you’re blind” Penelope said. “ plus, you cant deny that he’s a hottie”

“Oh I’m not denying that!” Y/N laughed.

The girls continued chatting and she loved how quickly she was getting along with her cousins’ friends. Across the room Hotch was having a very similar conversation with the men of the BAU. While he changed the subject much more quickly, using his ‘boss man voice’. Spencer and Morgan dropped the subject, knowing that Rossi would push the subject later, if her hadn’t already.

Y/N walked into the back yard to take a look around the beautiful scenery and weather while everyone else was drinking and talking in the living room. She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see the handsome face of the BAU unit chief.

“Hi” she greeted.

“Hey” he responded, walking up to sit beside her on the bench Rossi had along the garden.

“Listen I’m sorry if the team has been kind of...” he trailed off trying to think of a way to say ‘pushy, overbearing, and probably trying to convince you to date me’ with out scaring her.

“Enthusiastic?” she finished for him.

He chuckled and responded “Enthusiastic is a great way to put it.” Causing her to laugh as well.

‘They mean well’ she offered as she turned her glance from the stars to look at him.

“They sure do... but they can be a lot.” He admitted, maintaining eye contact.

“They love you! And Jack, but it’s very hard not too” she said, catching herself and adding “he’s an amazing little man.”

“He is, and he loves you.” He smiled softly.

“He talks about you a lot you know?”

“You too” he countered

“That’s because I’m new, you’re his hero Aaron:” She said while placing a warm hand over his that was resting on his knee.

“I think I might have competition though”. He laughed flipping his hand over to hold hers lightly.

Y/N laughed lightly and shook her head. Man she loved the way his hand felt in hers, she cleared her throat and pushed that thought down. 

“Hey, thank you again for taking care of him, you are really good with him.” He told her honestly.

“Thanks. I loved getting to know him. The way he talked about you I feel like I’d known you forever.” She said, causing herself to blush lightly.

“Yeah same here, I’ve been hearing all about how awesome y/n is all week.” He smirked, causing her face to flush even more.

“We should probably get in there before we start more rumors.” She laughed shyly.

“I’m sure it’s already too late.” He agreed as he stood up before using the hand already holding hers to help her up.

‘It’ll blow over’

‘You don’t know my team very well.” He chuckled as he walked her towards the door, keeping his hand in hers until the last minute.

“Nah, They’ll just realize you deserve more.” She said under her breath with a sad smile, dropping his hand.

Aaron paused his walking and gently pulled her wrist to turn her back to face him, “Y/n that’s not...”

She looked down away from him before they were interrupted by Rossi opening the back door.

“There she is!” Rossi yelled out motioning to Y/N. “Come, Come, we aren’t done getting to know you my dear. “

She let herself be pulled away, happy to not have to face Aaron’s reaction to what she had just said. Aaron stood in the yard, reluctantly following after them, wishing he could take away whatever made her feel that way about herself, because he already knew she was more than good enough for him, too good even.

[disaster-fruit]

could you tell us more about the brarg family au with the 3 babies and trans luci?

I definitely can! This au has been living rent free in my head since i started that drawing and I was actually sketching more stuff for the AU right before I got this ask so- I definitely can ramble more about it

This was supposed to be just a collection of a few hcs and now it’s a multi-pages word document the size of a fanfic so – Im really sorry.

I didn’t think a lot about their backstories tbh, though I have it in my mind that Luciano transition in his late teens and that he and martin either met after that or knew each other before luciano came out, lost all contact, and then met again after (and you can blame oxiosas fic for that yeah im not even subtle)

But I imagine them having some sort of meet cute and kinda progressing really fast in their relationship without realizing – yk, its just a fling, no big deal, yeah ive met his parents, yes I basically spend every weekend in his apartment, yeah I have a spare key now, ops I guess we’re adopting dogs and plants together- oh I think we’re married. Yeah. We’re married.

Ok but for real Luci does the proper proposal-with-a-ring-and-knelt-down-on-a-special-day thing and Martin is just bright red saying yes over and over again

It is Afonso (port) the first to be all WHERE ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN like… the night of their wedding.

They live in a house in a not too big city with two dogs, one cat, one parrot and all the birds that Luciano feeds and names that aren’t actually theirs. Still, they choose the house with two spare rooms because they always talked about having two kids.

In this AU they can buy a nice house and don’t have to worry about money and can raise kids like the world isn’t ending.

I think right after they got married they got in line for adoption. However, everything indicated that it would take a long long time so they started talking about the possibility of trying to have a biological kid. I think luci was the one to suggest it when he noticed martin had been thinking about it but not saying anything for a while.

Lots of boring doctor visits and confused doctors looking at luciano and trying to process it like the dumb cishets they are. Boring exams and all that, but everything is on track eventually, luci pauses his hrt and keeps his jockstrap on the drawer and they’re googling the best positions for fertility on those weird cishet sites and doing it like bunnies etc etc

Getting pregnant the natural way after years of testosterone is not the easiest thing in the world, so it takes a while. But eventually it works.

Both of them are kinda freaking out with this whole first pregnancy thing. Martin is the ultimate protective husband, and spends way too much time on the internet finding out what luciano can and can’t eat, what exercises he should do, and going to every single doctor visit. He’s very committed to it.

Luciano has to drink non-alcoholic beer and hates life. There’s a single teardrop shed every time he buys it. And drinks a lot of lemonade like it’s the same as caipirinha. Poor guy. Martin doesn’t help on that, life isn’t fair, he buys his own beer.

But he also has to drive absurd lengths to find the weirdest fruit or make the most hideous, blasphemous pizza toppings because Luciano is constantly craving absurd shit. But poor baby actually really NEEDS that chicken M&M pizza at 8am.

They’re super proud daddies though, and both their instagrams at this point are just baby belly pictures. Luci had top surgery on this au on my hc so also. Lots of shirtless pics. He looks like an old uncle with a beer belly and he’s PROUD. Just. Baby bellies all over.

Martin picks the entire baby layette. Because of course he does.

Their baby shower is a huge deal though. Their dads are there, Antonio brings an entire trunk filled with diapers and tells everyone how many tincho used to need when he was a baby, Afonso is cooking for everyone and talking about how he’s gonna be a grandfather (!!!). Iracema (pindorama) is scolding Luci about his bad habits while also quietly being a super proud grandma. Zola (angola) bought toys because she knows that’s what kids actually like, Samero (Mozão) keeps asking if they installed all the necessary security stuff in their house – we will, chill, we still have some months to go – Vera (Tomé) is teasing Simão (Timor) about him no longer being the family baby, Fatima (g.bissau) is another one who bought a huge amount of diapers, Rosinha (cabo verde) is taking pictures of everyone and everything, Sebas and Dani are discussing if the kid should speak Portuguese or Spanish, Maria brought a huge pink plushy as a gift, it’s quite a party.

Once they’re late in the pregnancy, Luciano mostly spends his time on Martin’s oversized t-shirts asking for foot rubs and not getting much sleep because the baby keeps moving. Martin on the other hand is a little nervous about being a dad, but absolutely loves feeling the little kicks and talking to the baby all the time, except when its 3am and he wants to sleep but Luci cant because of it so he just does his best to keep him company. He mostly ends up falling asleep on his chest though and doesn’t help much

I wrote all of this but I still don’t have a name for the girl lol Anyway, she’s finally born, and if martin was overprotective when Luciano was pregnant, he’s ten times more with his baby girl. Tbh theyre both kinda going crazy with this whole parenting thing, both are overprotective, tired, and have no idea what theyre doing.

Zola and Sebastian are the girl’s godparents. Sebastian isn’t very good with kids so when he takes care of his niece he either puts on a tv show and lets her eat whatever crap she wants, or relies on Daniel to do the actual taking care, since he is good with kids.

Luciano and Martin are very much neurotic first-timers and have all this schedule of what their girl can eat and when and when she has to sleep etc etc.

When Zola takes care of her, she just ignores it and does it her way. She helped raised Luci since he was a baby anyway, he survived just fine and even married and reproduced, she knows what to do better than both the dumbasses, and they never even find out.

Afonso on the other had follows everything when he’s with his granddaughter, determined to be a better grandfather than he was a father, and the baby loves him so he’s doing a good job.

They’re a very cute family yes yes

She grows up well and happy, a bit shy maybe but very smart and sweet, loves the dogs and her aunts and uncles and granddads (afonso more than antonio though)

By the way, Iracema is soft like butter with her granddaughter.

When she’s about four or five years old they start talking about having a second one, considering the age difference and all. So back to doctors, Luci stops the hrt again and they go back to trying, but again it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do it naturally after years of hrt.

But god listens to the prayers of such good catholic family, and right after they start thinking about a second child, they receive the news they will finally get to adopt a baby.

Luciano is the one to receive the news, he’s working at home when the social worker comes to tell him they can finally adopt. He’s extremely happy, he hugs the poor lady and is barely able to concentrate as she explains the paperwork that is left and the details of it because he can’t stop smiling.

He immediately texts martin saying something like “CALL ME RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO TALK” and it’s in happy caps but martin understands it wrong and thinks someone is dying or dead but then his phone is what dies so he gets home as fast as he can thinking all the worst scenarios just to find luciano jumping on him with a smile for ear to ear. It’s such a shock he takes a while to react but when he does you have two idiots so happy they can’t function.

It’s another girl, she has big brown eyes like her sister and it’s a few months old.

They quickly reassemble the crib and paint the second room to get everything ready in time to take her home, and the next week or so it’s nothing but all the family visiting to meet their new baby.

Since they managed to adopt, they decided to stop trying to have another kid. Luciano goes back to the doctor do some routine exams so that he can go back to testosterone and the doctor just awkwardly explains that, well, that won’t be exactly possible. Not for the next eight months, at least.

He’s quite shocked at that, and takes him a while to tell martin. They just got a new baby and do they even have space to raise three kids? Eventually it just escapes from him and martin is shocked as well, but ultimately both of them are just worried about their place being too small, and once they relax about that they can’t shut up about having another baby on the way to anyone.

Still, it’s not easy to manage, martin is just as worried as he was with their eldest, except that this time he’s simultaneously worried about their new baby and about Luci’s pregnancy. Poor dude needs a break asap. So he’s trying to do most of the work of caring for a little baby to spare luciano from the stress, while also taking care of him as well as he did the other time.

Luci is more chill about being pregnant, he’s done this before, he’s fine. He’s even a little too chill about it, as shown in the art, he still wants to carry their kid on his shoulder and having a few sips of martin’s beer is no big deal and honestly he’s fine, he can help with the baby, and Tincho just needs to relax and it will all be fine.

Again, poor tincho needs a break.

Some things don’t change though. Them being super proud daddies who do nothing but take pictures of their kids and Luci’s belly every chance they get. And they’re really happy and excited to have their house full and this big family.

Just a good cute family AU where nothing bad ever happens thank you very much.  Yet it took me almost 2k words to say it. I have no self control and I’m very sorry. However, if anyone has their own hcs to add about this whole au, I will be more than happy to hear and talk about this AU even more than I’ve already done.

[the-nsr-family]

Timeline as of Now, for the main AU

Before Game Bullshite

Kliff as a groupie that was heavily attached to Tatiana (as Ful Kyra) that helped manipulate the down fall of the band as he thought the group held her back. He also was part of the fans that encouraged her drinking and drug addiction (as she was more “cuddly” with his when drunk or high_\)

Nickolas (Tatiana’s older twin brother and mayday’s father) tries multiple times to regain contact with his “little” sister. Almost managed it once, but both he and tatiana had unworked out toxicity (largely because of their parents) that erupted into two lava monsters almost duking it out at NSR tower and Tatiana banning him from the city. (she didnt ban him from the city, but he and his wife couldnt step foot into her tower again.

Tatiana further cuts contact when mayday is born.

Nickolas and Crythaila (his wife) died in an accident soon after mayday turns 10

Mayday enters foster care, actually dispising her mysterious Aunt who could have stepped forward and helped her

Tatiana isnt informed of her brothers death for a good 2-6 years after the accident, and due to time and a typo is lead to believe Mayday is dead too. This leads to a minor breakdown in her office, after which she doubles down on her new persona and refusing to allow her label to sign a contract with any form of rock or indie band.

Mayday runs away from a bad foster home, a bag of her belongings, a few old records and carefully taped togather photos are all she has. she’s around 15. She doesnt meet zuke until she’s 19 and Aunt until she’s 16. She finds out about The Typo and begrudingly forgives “Aunt Ana” for not coming forward as she’s listed as Dead here.

They breifly meet soon after mayday and zuke start becoming friends, Mayday Ironicly comforting Tatiana over her own death at an underground Indie concert (Tatiana was feeling a wee bit nostaligic around the tenth aniversery of her brothers death. went to one to briefly pretend everyone was alive and while and they were just starting out and proving a point to their parents)

The Game Happens-

pretty much like normal only tatiana is even more haunted/enraged by B2J as Mayday shares her “dead” Nieces name Exactly and she sees traits of bother her brother and his wife (their former drummer) in her.

Only thing not going for mayday in the “maybe she is my niece” is her powers hadn’t awoken just yet, while tatiana and her brother pretty much where born with theirs and the powers grew with them.

Post-Game/Our Au Story Line-

Kliff escapes into where ever after they stop the satilite

Tatiana gives B2j her number in cause they need any thing and Mayday is give her old guitar as her’s was distroyed during the final fight.

Tatiana starts to deep dive into what happen with her brothers family, conferms it’s a Typo that her neice died in the accident (Mayday had been home with a babysitter that night), and had gone into foster care until she was 15 and vanished from all public records, but the police presumes shes dead at this point due to no one stepping forward about her.

Tatiana wonders if Mayday Onyx The Rebel Rockstar is her Niece, but doesnt gather the courage to question her just yet, instead she’s flooded with rebuilding paperwork, having to plan out how to inclued more artists to the payroll/ quasa performance schedual and repairing Mayday’s guitar to track them down just yet.

On B2J’s part, they’re laying pretty low, they had a stressful week, and would have likely had kliffs actions put on their shoulders if they didnt put an active effort into stopping his final “if you won;t do as i say, i’ll kill everyone in vinyl city” bit.

they post a few songs on their website, do a few sessions on Zam radio winding down with friends and just recovoring, sending some other pretty talented artists Tatiana’s way as a “thanks for not kicking us out of the city” gester.

Trust issues have formed, Zuke isnt likely to call her, Mayday seems to have an odd hurt-yet-admiration for tatiana still (she finaly figured out who her aunt was, and was in the middle of trying to decide if she wanted a family relationship with her, or was cool with them just being possible co-workers/ boss and employee)

Zuke and DK West slowly start to repair their relationship (most of DK west development happened in the background of this whole mess but it starts in game after you battle him for the third time, both he and zuke offer to teach mayday how to actually rap as… she wasnt bad… but she sure as hell wasnt good either)

West almost gets jumped, warns the two to be on the look out, but neither thinks much of it as West has pissed off alot of people.

Then they get ganged up on and while they fight them off pretty good, mayday goes down and zuke goes feral for a few minutes to get to her. He scoops her up and the three (Dont forget about Ellie) Book it into the maze like back-alleys to escape.

Zuke has to call someone. He cant call his brother as he’s a city away, he cant call Aunty (her support of them cost her alot of business for a while and he cant cost her anymore rn) and their other friends all have day-jobs too. he calls tatiana as a last ditch effort for help. she picks up on the frist ring. a few seconds of talking has him breaking down crying and asking for help

This actually scares Tatiana a little bit and she goes to help them personally.

Mayday is aware enough to have a freakout/meltdown for being in a car on the drive to the hospital, which almost sets ellie and zuke off again (long heartbreaking drive for tatiana as she tries to calm them down and do some basic first aid so that they’re in less pain.

They arrive at the emergency room, zuke and mayday are separated and sedated to be worked on. animal control takes Ellie to an exoitic vet to be looked at. Tatiana is left in the waiting room, blood likely on her outfit from carrying mayday.

Tatiana makes a few calls, cancles several meetings and informs Eve on what happened.

For safety reasons they move in with tatiana, West goes toget their stuff from the sewer base (he is almost attacked by B2J’s friends before he clarifies what happened and what he is doing there)

a week and a half after moving in with tatiana, they meet up with 1010, who thankfully dont mention they still look like shit, but also are some of the frist to find out Zuke is Hyper protective over Mayday when Haym’s arm gets a little to close while he’s telling a story.

(part 1 cause we actually have lot)- heartbreaker _________ iokldjdsnlm this AU went a long way in such a short time-

[missivvy]

DRUNKEN PHONE CALL & CLUB THREAD - IVY X GUNNER

mentions: @gunnerhq this is so long, we apologise to whomever reads this entire thing but you won’t be disappointed. 

IVY: The girl held the phone to the ear as it rang. She waited 4 rings before he answered. She didn’t know why she was called him but she was drunk and needed to get her thoughts out. “Hello gun, how are you going tonight? Why did you decide to come back now? Why didn’t you come back sooner?” She slurred into the phone

GUNNER: His phone ringing wasn’t a big surprise, he had been getting calls from his family too often for his liking as of late. when he saw who it was, however, he was struck. that’s why it took him a few rings to pick up. His brows furrowing as he caught the slur of her words. “i’m… alright.” the last note came out barely audible as he was confused at her words, her questions. “i wanted to be in ana’s life. i… didn’t know how to come back sooner, i wasn’t ready. where are you? what’s goin’ on, ivy?”

IVY: ivy knew that ringing him was an extremely bad idea especially when she was drunk but right now she didn't care. he wanted answers from him. the girl smiled when he heard his voice. "well that's... good to hear" she said into the phone. it was so loud in the club so she was tucked away in a corner. "you should have just maned up and come back sooner. you could have just shown up like you did the other week. that seemed easy for you" she said slurring some more before taking a sip of her drink. "i'm out having fun. can't you tell. i'm trying to forget the male existence" she added

GUNNER: gunner was surprised enough at her call, her topics only added to that notion. “yeah,” he nodded as he spoke into the phone, his brows furrowing as her listened to her. “it was anything but easy. showing up to tell an ex you want to meet your child after running off before? total breeze, huh.” as he listened to the femme, he felt more concerned the more she slurred. it wasn’t even his place, but it was impossible to ignore. “kinda hard to forget the male existence talking to me,” he noted, before he let out an uncharacteristically soft sigh. “why’re you trying to forget the male existence?”

IVY: ivy rolled her eyes at the boy, she knew he couldn't see her but she did it anyway. "oh and you think it was easy raising ana on my own. total breeze" she said as she took yet another sip of her drink. she leant up against the wall as she was on the phone. she probably should hung out and not bother him and go back to dancing and having fun but she decided she needed to hear his voice some more. "that is very true. maybe i should just hang up. i dont know why i call" she said as she swayed a little, "oh haven't you heard? i thought you would have known about it by now" ivy said. "its been all over social media. i cant escape it" ivy said into the phone.

GUNNER: his teeth gritted together in a grimace, mix of acknowledgment that he deserved it and annoyance. “i didn’t ever say it easy for you either.” he let his head fall back onto the couch behind him, idly rubbing his temple. the mention of hanging up brought a nod she couldn’t see, even though he didn’t want the femme to do so. “maybe,” he conceded reluctantly, before his brows furrowed slightly. “i may have vaguely heard something but you might have to bring me back up to speed, vee.” gunner spoke. “i don’t pay enough attention to most news unless i have to.”

IVY: the girl took a final sip of her drink before she pushed it aside and swayed a little more. the alcohol from her last two drinks were slowly hitting her all at once. she was even more intoxicated then she was when she initiated this call. she knew she was just repeating herself from the last conversation that they had together. on her front porch but she didn't care. everything made sense to her. she needed to say this. 'gun, it wasn't easy. you would have loved her so much the minute you saw her" she said before shaking her head and hearing one of her favourite songs. "omg i love this song" she said laughing a little before continuing on with her conversation. "do you want me to hang up? are you busy?" ivy asked furrowing her eyebrows. the girl wish he just knew what had gone on and that she didn't have to explain it to him. "well, you see i was seeing this boy and i thought we were in love. turns out that was a joke. he ended up marrying another girl" she said. "fuck i need another drink"

GUNNER: there wasn’t anyone who could cut through his conscience the way ivy could, even now. it was a reminder of the guilt that lingered, his eyes shut at the impact of her words, though he wanted to pass it off as drunk conversation given the slurring and the loud background. “I didn’t think so. i…did. i didn’t see her in person but what i saw from just your posts, how could i not love her?” he could admit, to himself alone, that he spent the majority of the last few years trying to weigh between his options on coming back to see ana and how that was supposed to go after everything. it was a thought that weighed on his mind, but he fucked up his arrival back anyway. “what song’s playing?” her little laughs spiked his curiosity, though his brows furrowed at her question. “nah, not busy at all.” he lifted his head to look over the parenting books he had spent his week ingraining into his head as if that would help him with ana or the new baby. “ouch,” there were a million other thoughts that crossed his mind, none of which he could speak, but most prominent was the reality of wondering how anyone could leave ivy for another girl. “where are you?” he asked once again.

IVY: there wasn't enough booze in the world to make her forget the love she had for gunner. the way he use to make her feel and how happy she use to get while speaking to him on the phone. tonight's conversation brought back those memories. at all the people she decided to drunk dial it was him. for gods knows what reason that was. the girl had moved a little closer so she could hear the music and watch the crowd dance along to the song. she wasn't ready to hang up the phone yet. there would be plenty of other songs for her to dance too. she still had the entire night to dance. it made her heart skip a beat when the boy told her that he loved ana from just the instagram posts that she had put up. "you.. you.. kept tabs on us?" she asked clearing her throat a little. it wasn't what she expected. she wasn't ready for him to say that. ivy rang her hand through her hair. "Ghost, by Justin Bieber" she said smiling as the song played. it was one of her new favourite songs. "oh well that's good then" she said with a small laugh. it was late and by him not being busy meant he would be at home. next to her home. "yep. now you know why im trying to forget the male existence. you all hurt me" she said before listening to him again. "just a club downtown. don't worry im not driving. i've got a room"

GUNNER: it was always impossible to ignore ivy, so even if he buried his heart and built back his walls, he couldn’t complete leave her behind without some reassurance that she was okay. or at least, that she would be okay. he nodded his head despite the fact that she couldn’t see him. apart of him was certain she was itching towards hanging up, and he could understand the fact that his admittance wasn’t expected. he rubbed at his jaw as he spoke again. “yeah,” finding no words to elaborate on his answer. the male shifted his seat on the couch, deciding to sit up and look for his shoes while she spoke. “that is a good one,” he told her. “yeah, suppose it is good.” in comparison to what he could have been doing when she called, knowing he wouldn’t forget this conversation but if he had been out tonight he likely wouldn’t have been in the state to remember it. or perhaps he would, considering how easily the femme could sober him. even now, the verbal reminder of what he had visually immortalized in his mind cut deep. his grimaced. “yeah, well, men are stupid.” he deduced. “and I’m more worried over if you’re alone than thinking you’d be irresponsible enough to drive right now and if you’ll make it to your room safely.”

IVY: ivy swayed back and forth to the music shaking her head a little to get the strands of hair that were stuck to her back loose again. she was wearing one of her favourite dresses which showed off most of her features and was having a great time. she probably should have some water but she decided not yet as she still was on the phone with gunner. "you must have been a secret agent cause i didn't know" she said laughing at herself. laughing at the joke she had made. ivy wasn't a big drinker but when she did it was very amusing to bystanders. "it is hey, i think i've been listening to it on repeat" she said. it kind of related back to their relationship in a way but she wasn't going to bring that up. she couldn't stomach that. "so what are you doing if you aren't busy?" she asked as she stood up from the wall and slowly made her way over to the bar. she needed another drink. "men are stupid. very stupid." she said as she reached the bar and waited for her turn. while she waited she swayed her hips some more to the sound of the music. "i mean i'm not alone, there's a club full of people." she said smiling to herself and she looked around her. "well i'm glad you think im responsible" ivy said as she made her way to the front of the bar. "can i please order a shot of tequila and a lychee martini" she said before fumbling with her phone to get her card. "oop sorry. just had to pay for my drink. but im back now" ivy said before thanking the bartender and moving away from the bar and taking her shot. "man i love tequila"

GUNNER: it was hard to find her words amusing when all he could feel was a stirring sense of concern for the femme. he knew she wasn’t a big drinker, and that was one of the mounting reasons he was trying to figure out where she was at. “i’m very good with technology. pops would be so proud,” it was a feat to keep his annoyance with his father out of his tone, but his main focus was ivy. he hadn’t listened to the song too thoroughly, but the lyrics resonated enough. “repeat, huh? must really hold some meaning to ya.” he offered, unsure how true that statement was at all. clearing his throat, he looked down at his coffee table again. “just some reading, not exciting but any information helps with some things.” he spoke, shrugging his shoulders. he couldn’t help but let out a hollow half laugh, mostly for the reality in her statement. he couldn’t disagree. “i know,” he let out a sigh, hand brushing through his hair a moment later. “club full of strangers,” he felt the need to point out. “you usually are.” he added a moment later. he was momentarily panicked by the lack of her voice until she returned, though his expression soured with deepening concern. “vee, you should have someone with you. someone you know, and trust.” he knew that wasn’t him but he wanted to make sure she was safe.

IVY: "oh i'm sure he would be proud" she said rolling her eyes at the thought of his parents. he couldn't see her thankfully. they were the reason that gunner left her. left her along and pregnant. the girl pushed those thoughts aside. "gun its a real catchy song" she said smiling before tossing her hair behind her back as she waited for the bar. "oh reading, that's good of you. hope you are enjoying whatever you're reading" ivy said. not going too much into it. "yeah but i'm still not alone. im okay. im having fun. dancing, drinking" ivy said before speaking to the bartender. it wasn't long before she was back. ivy felt the burning sensation of the shot down her throat as she swayed along with the music, it was a more upbeat song now and its just what she needed. the girl took a sip of her lychee martini and it was delicious. "you know i am. dont need to worry" she said smiling to herself. "gun, i'm okay. there's plenty of people here. i made friends with the girls in the bathroom like i normally do. plus i just needed to let go. not worrying about anyone judging me for my actions." the girl said looking around. she knew that some people would judge her for going on this bender. for going out but its something she needed to do. she needed to let go and forget all the pain she was currently feeling. 

GUNNER: “goal accomplished,” he almost gagged on the words, his eyes rolling with the utterance. he didn’t want to ruminate on the topic of his parents, they always left a bitter taste in his mouth and served as a reminder of what he had done. “yeah, that too.” he agreed slightly absent, before a single sound of amusement escaped him at her words. “i appreciate that.” he focused back to his concerns with an ease, a sigh exhibited. “you can’t trust most people sober, drunk people dancing are even less trustworthy. fun is good until someone realizes you’re technically alone and something happens.” he was trying to reason, but he didn’t really have the right. she was a grown adult and his concerns were a selfish desire to make sure she was safe. when she mentioned not needing to worry, he shook his head. partially glad that she couldn’t see him, nobody could because he was in the comfort of his home. the concept of not worrying was impossible when he envisioned the femme drunk in a club without a friend. but as he let out a deep breath, he tried to be a little more understanding with ivy. “yeah, still not sure i like it,” he muttered, though he forced himself to relax at her next words. “who’s gonna judge you for a night out for once?” his brows furrowed, confused on that when there were plenty of people who did it.

IVY: Ivy knew that gunner hated bringing up his parents so part of her kept it short and sweet when he mentioned it not wanting to dig into anything deeper and the girl didn’t really care for them. “Yeah it is” she said laughing slightly going along with what he was saying. He loved how easily should could be addicted to a song and right now it was ghost and almost all the others songs that had played in the club so far. Everyone seemed to be having so much fun, not a care in the world and that’s what ivy needed. That’s what she wanted. Nobody really knew her or that she thought. She hadn’t seen any familiar faces so far. “Well I hope you’re enjoying the book gun” she said smiling to herself as she took another sip of her drink. Ivy stopped for a minute once she heard the words leave his mouth. If only she could have seen him when he said it. The boy was concerned and ivy could tell that. Even in her drunken state she could tell that he was worried about her. Worries that she was on her own. It was hidden hills. Her home she was safe, it never crossed her mind that she wouldn’t be. Before she knew what she was saying she said it. “Well come down here then if you are that concerned for my well-being” ivy said taking another sip like she hadn’t just told her ex to come to the club where she was highly intoxicated. “Well it’s ain’t just gonna be just one night and you know I don’t drink and when I do I go a little outta control and I’m kinda aiming for that. I don’t want to feel anything” 

GUNNER: as a boy with the world at his fingers, it could look ungrateful with how he disregarded his parents but after everything it was a wonder he could still make snide comments about them at all. he nodded, an unsolicited smile perked up at the sound of her laugh before he tamped it down. “thanks, i hope you’re enjoying your drinks.” even if he found himself concerned about her company, he hoped that going out was going to be the reprieve she was in clear need of. perhaps he was just distrusting of most people, but it was difficult to ignore the instinctual urge to protect the femme. even after his own transgressions. it was bizarre, truly, but he couldn’t help it. his brows furrowing, he pulled back to stare at his phone in confusion at her demand. and the fact that she could tell. “and impede on your fun night out?” he quipped, mostly trying to find a reason for his own mind to realize he had no right. despite that, he was still already moving off the couch and grabbing his car keys from the coffee table. “no judgment, you wouldn’t be the first or the last to do so. but you really cared for this kid, huh?”

IVY: ivy continued to sway as she was on the phone to gunner. enjoying every minute of her night so far even talking to gunner. "oh they are very delicious. i'm having lychee martinis. game changer i tell you" she said laughing as she took another sip. the girl admired the people around her, smiling and waving at bystanders smiled and complimented her on her outfit. she was really feeling herself tonight and she was happy that other people noticed that too. it was too late for her to take back what she had said. she didn't really want him to come down but she always did. a part of her wanted him here. it was probably the alcohol talking. "well if it gives you peace of mind,. you can sit in the corner. you don't have to be right with me" she said knowing that wouldn't be the case if he arrived. the way she was tonight. she knew that her sister and best friends would probably ring her next for even calling him and suggesting he come down but she didn't care right now. "yeah i know. but its not like me" she said before taking another sip of her drink. "well lets just say he told me he loved me and then the next day ended it and married the other girl" ivy said sculling the rest of her martini at the thought of how everything went down.

GUNNER: he couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped at ivy’s amusement with her drink. “so long as you’re enjoyin’ what you’re drinkin’, vee. sound like a damn good one.” he answered with a slight nod, despite knowing she couldn’t see him. he locked up his place and got into his car, knowing it probably wasn’t the best idea and it would only further antagonize the situation somehow. “sit in the corner? hm. maybe i will.” he could already envision it. he would have to fight tooth and nail to keep from invading his way into situations that didn’t concern him, though. he knew that. “you’re allowed to step outside the box every once in awhile. or as often as you like.” he spoke as he turned the ignition, knowing all too well the role of stepping out of the expected role he was given. “bastard,” gunner’s response was automatic, hand tightening on his steering wheel and his eyes rolling at the idea of anybody being stupid enough to do that to ivy. it wasn’t nearly as stupid as his own act, but the armani male couldn’t focus on that yet. “and you’re drinking about him? c’mon now. you could be movin on to the next. that’s the real revenge, ain’t it?”

IVY: the girl had now finished her drink and was craving another but she thought it was probably best to have a water. making sure that she stayed hydrated while drinking. "i am very much so. but i'm out so i gotta go get another" she said smiling before she headed over to the bar again. ivy couldn't help but laugh when he agreed to sit in the corner. "well that's totally up to you. just know i'm safe" she said before ordering another two martinis and a large glass of water before returning to her phone call. it had been going on forever now and she had missed talking to him for hours on the phone, she had missed him in general but she would never admit that to anyone. "i know but i've got responsibilities you know" ivy said before going back to where she was before taking a sip of her freshly made lychee martini. once she reached the table she heard the boy call damon a bastard. well she figured it was about him. the girl didn't disagree but she wasn't going to provoke gunner from doing anything knowing that he would. "not just because of him and i'm not just drinking, im dancing having fun" she said with a smile. "the nights still young gun. i've got plenty of time for that don't you worry" she said before actually realising what she said. they were exes but still its not a nice feeling knowing your ex is getting with someone else.

GUNNER: driving was where gunner found himself most centered and calm, even if he wasn’t feeling any of that as he listened to ivy speak about her now ex. ivy had always been another source of calm for him, but they were exes, too. “alright,” he conceded, both focusing on her speaking and driving. his eyes rolled at her acknowledgment and he snickered. “safe with strangers, yeah.” he couldn’t help his protective behavior, it mostly stemmed from his own experiences and his care for ivy. this phone call was the calmest conversation they had been able to have, and it was mostly because the femme was drunk. it was a bittersweet reminder of their old phone calls and all the little things about ivy that he missed, that he would have to bury in the morning. or when she sobered up all over again. right now he was too focused on being secure in her safety. “i know,” he murmured as the reminder weighed heavy on his conscience. there were too many things he had to say about the other ex that was none of his business to say, opinions on that one switch up that he held no right to. “dancing and having fun, too, is less depressing than simply drinking over it.” he decided, smiling in spite of himself. her following words brought a wry smile to his lips, and if it was hard to hear? that was his own fault for suggesting the very idea to ivy. “no worries here, you’ll snatch someone up in no time.” he forces the words out, finally pulling up to a parking spot.

IVY: if it wasn't for the alcohol runnings through her veins she would not be telling gunner about anything that happened between her and damon. she didn't need to but in this venerable state of hers she found her spilling all the information to her ex. the girl started to sway some more in place as a new song came on. the girl wanted to dance so she had to try and wrap this conversation up the best she could. "totally safe and sound" she said with a small giggle. it was true though, she was safe at the present and she didn't have a worry really. ivy took some sips of her drinks and her water before thinking about ana. she was grateful that her parent's took ana and didn't ask any questions about what had happened, cause they knew ivy would tell them when she was ready. "oh don't worry i've been dancing and drinking while i talk to you" she said smiling before finishing off her drinks. the martini's were like lolly water so it was very easily for the girl to finish both of them and her glass of water. "there are plenty of good look males here but remember im trying to forget the male existence so we may have a problem there" ivy said with a laugh. "well gun, its been great talking with you even though ill probably be bad at myself in the morning for tell you all this. but i gottta go. i need to get back on the dance floor" she said. "see you later neighbour"

GUNNER: gunner put his car keys in his pocket as he got out, listening to ivy speak. he paused, stood and leaned against his car as he held the phone up to his ear. it was impossible to not find himself amused with her good mood even though he was primarily concerned. he let out a sigh at her words. “i’m sure you’ll find a balance in all that. see you neighbor.” he offered in parting before he tucked his phone into his pocket and double check his car was locked before making his way into the club, dark hues scanning the crowds of people before he found the person he was looking for. it would be impossible to not see her, he realized, taking in the sight of her and the people close by.

IVY: ivy waited for his response before hanging up the phone, it was time for this girl to get back onto the dance floor. she put her phone into her purse before heading back onto the dance floor. as she reached the dance floor the song we found love came on. it wasn't the original. it had more of a beat to it. ivy ran her hands up her body and through her hair as she danced along to the music, letting it take control once more. she was surrounded by other strangers dancing along to the music. she was happy. nothing was going to change that. this is what she needed. she needed to let her hair go. the girl smiled and laughed as she danced along side people who had the same energy as she did

GUNNER: he was reluctant to intrude upon her good time, but gunner still couldn’t help himself when he was once again focused on the people are ivy. his own distrust leaking through and his jaw tensed as he made his way over, keeping his movement as casual as possible. “you look like you’re having a good time.” he interrupted upon making it to the femme, knowing he wanted to note that she looked good but that was certainly a breach in whatever boundaries existed.

IVY: with every beat of the music the girl found herself letting more and more go of everything. it was getting hot and sweaty and ivy was enjoying all of it. she hadn't been out like this is in such a long time and honestly she missed it. ivy was smiling and continued to smile when she heard a voice. she turned to find gunner standing not too far from where she was. the girl was shocked to see him here, it felt like she had just gotten off the phone to him not even five minutes ago. was he already on his way when she was talking to him. "i'm having a great time thank you. what are you doing here?" she asked looking at him but that didn't stop her from dancing.

GUNNER: stuffing his hands into his pockets, gunner made a half attempt to dance. or pretend to be for the sake of any on lookers and to not impede on the clear good mood the femme was in. be it a drunken state of mood or not, he would likely inadvertently ruin her mood sober enough over the next few weeks and months and years. without the intent, even. ignoring those thoughts, he offered an easy shrug at her question. “what can i say? i needed to make sure you were gonna be alright.”

IVY: ivy smiled as she looked the boy up and down, he looked good and she knew she shouldn't be thinking like that but she was. he looked good and she wasn't going to deny that and he came all the way here to make sure she was okay even after telling him she was okay. "i did tell you i was okay. from where you are standing am i okay" she asked with a small smile before dancing a little closer to him. "do you wanna get a drink?" she asked standing only a few centimetres from him and looking at him with a smile.

GUNNER: he offered a half smirk at her reminder of the answer she gave on the phone, another half shrug upwards. there was no real reason for him to be here besides his own personal protective nature and ironically finding himself not having a lot of faith in people. “you did, and you do look okay, but taking that risk? not a chance.” he answered, letting his gaze shift to the peripheral before he focused on ivy, closer to him. “nah, tempting idea but i drove and I’m only here to keep an eye out.” even if she was drunk, it was refreshing to see her smiling in his direction again.

IVY: ivy couldn't help but smirk back at the boy. there was history between these two and even though it was overwhelming him coming back into her life and him being part of the reasons she needed to forget everything, it didn't stop her from thinking how nice it was of him to come and make sure she was okay. he still cared, "no chance huh" she said smiling at him. "these people are just here having fun like i am" she said before taking his hand. "that's fair, but i need another drink so since you need to make sure i'm okay, you're coming to the bar with me." ivy said intertwining her fingers in his and pulling him in the direction of the bar. as soon as she left the dance floor she felt the instant relief of cool air. she didn't realise how hot it was getting on the floor. she smiled as the two of them walked to the bar hand in hand. it had been a while since they had done this. if anyone she knew saw her like this they would probably come and smack her hand outta his, but it didn't mean anything right now and she probably will be angry at herself in the morning for this anyway. the girl smiled at the bartender before order another martini, 2 glasses of water and a coke for gunner. "i got you a coke. i hope you still like that" she said looking up at him

GUNNER: it was impossible for the brunet to not care for ivy and her safety. even with his disruptive departure from her life, and his just as disruptive re-emergence. there was always going to be that part of the male, he had given her a part of him that no one else had at one point. his heart. “nope,” he popped the p in the word with a small, falsely wry smile. “yeah, well, i am all for them and you having a good time.” momentarily struck with surprise when she took his hand, but he didn’t pull his hand back. he was quiet to process her words and the familiar and foreign feeling of her hand in his again. “i can’t argue with that.” he conceded, not that he would have given the circumstances. his gaze shot to their hands at her intertwining their fingers for only a moment, already walking with the femme towards the bar. he wasn’t too worried about onlookers, he was, as he often was around ivy, focused on her. he knew this would only cause more trouble later, but it was far too tempting to briefly ruminate in the familiarity. “oh, thanks,” his brows furrowed in slight confusion. “coke is good.”

IVY: Times like this made ivy miss gunner and when they were together. If everything that happened with Ana didn’t happen then they most likely would be still together but then she wouldn’t have ana. She couldn’t help but laugh at the boy telling her nope. It was whatever it was going to be, he could be here if he wanted to be; she wasn’t going to stop him. She was far from caring about him being here. He wanted to be here and make sure she was okay and he made his appearance present to her so he was now stuck with a very drunk ivy. The girl thanked the bartender before handing him his coke. “Great then here you go. I also got you a water too” she said smiling as she took a sip of her martini. “Ahh refreshing. Just what I needed after my little dance session” she said leaning back against the bar and looking at gunner. “So bodyguard what is your plan?” She asked smirking at him

GUNNER: gunner knew things could have been different, if he was capable of admitting he was wrong. at least, if could have been different if that admittance came when ivy was pregnant. if he hadn’t gone and cause so many arguments. but living off his regrets couldn’t help him and it wasn’t going to bring any new information to the table. focusing on the task at hand was his only concern for the moment, he never wanted to see the femme hurt. that would never change, he hated when it had been his own doing and he hated the idea now and he hated the potential of strangers hurting her. “thanks,” he nodded, taking the offered coke and taking a drink from it. “dancing is definitely a work out of its own. you good?” he looked at the femme. “bodyguard, huh? my plan is just to make sure you have some fun, and make sure you get where you’re goin’ safely. or if you meet someone, guess i’ll dip out after making sure he ain’t suspicious.” he shrugged, ignoring the visual that tensed his jaw involuntarily. “your plan is dancing and drinking, right? any additions to that?”

IVY: ivy was very familiar with gunner looking out for her in social events like this, it was his thing. i didn't matter where she was, the boy would always make sure she was okay and make sure she was with someone. tonight she was going to forget the pain this boy had once caused her and just focus on the present. focus on her night out and the gunner that was standing in front of her. the girl smiled as the boy took the drink from her. "you're welcome" she said before taking another sip of her martini. she couldn't go wrong with this cocktail and but she should probably slow done on them as she had already had quite a few of them. "it truly is, i won't need to go to the gym tomorrow" she said giggling before continuing, "yeah i'm real good. are you good?" she asked. "yep. you're my bodyguard. yeah i know. don't you worry i am having so much fun. thank you for looking out for me" she said looking him up and down again. he looked good and part of her wanted to take him out of the dance floor and another part wanted it to just be her and him. she shouldn't be thinking like this but she couldn't help it. looking into his eyes, she knew how much he still cared for her and she cared for him, she always would. it didn't matter how much pain this boy put her in she would still care. he was the father of her daughter. "did you forget i want to forget the male existence. what makes you think i wanna get someone who will most likely break my heart" she said looking at him with a small smile before taking a sip of her drink once more. "my plan is just to have fun and try and forget the past 48 hours. i need to forget damon. i don't wanna feel this pain anymore. its the worst feeling gun. like why wasn't i enough" the girl said before downing the rest of her drink.

GUNNER: it had been awhile since gunner felt even a fraction of the need to protect anyone the way he always did with ivy. perhaps that said a lot about his world view. he saw the majority in a red haze of distrust and despite everything, ivy was seen in a delicate light he didn’t divvy out to anyone else. as he drank his coke, he offered a smile at her response to his thanks. the feelings that were surfacing in their current predicament were dangerous, so he had to work to ignore them. he did give her a thorough once over, arching up his brow. “you don’t need the gym period. but if it’s what you like to do,” he shrugged. he took in her words, hoping it wasn’t just a drunken feeling of good. “i’m good,” he nodded. he couldn’t help the slight chuckle at her words, but it was fitting to the situation entirely. “so long as you’re safe and having fun. no problem, “ he had to stop from saying that he always would look out for her, especially given the history, but it was true. it was a reflex when he believed she was in real potential danger. even if it was only his own concerns. he was reminded of his mistakes every time he looked into her eyes but he couldn’t look away for long. he would always care for ivy, she was the first and currently only person to ever pierce his heart. “who says it’s gotta break your heart? do a whole no strings attached thing, focus on feeling good and not falling in love.” he offered, even though he didn’t like either version. “that’s a good plan.” he nodded, feeling a familiar empathy for her pain as she explained it. “you got to know… you are enough. you are… it’s not you, ivy. it couldn’t have had anything to do with you not being enough. there’s no way.” he spoke matter of factly.

IVY: it was nights like this that brought back memories of gunner and ivy. memories of celebrating his wins, nights out, and just him. he was a big part of her life for such a long time and he always will be. despite the pain he had caused her.it was overwhelming amount of pain and whether it being the alcohol thinking or if it was actually what she thought. he was here. he had come back to get to know his daughter, as much of that idea scares her, the boy was trying. it still annoyed her that he had only decided to come back now, now that he was expecting his second child but just pushed that thought away. ivy couldn't help but laugh. "you know there's this thing in the modelling world where you have to keep looking your best even if you aren't feeling it. i'm just luckily i don't have any shoots booked until two weeks time because my agent would be pissed at me for tonight" she said laughing as she took another sip of her drink. the girl smiled at him. "well that's good" she said before taking a long sip of her water and then taking his hand and heading away from the bar. "well look around, i'm safe and having such a great time. i've probably had too many martini's but so be it. i'll probably have some more" she said slurring her words just a little as the last few drinks were catching up with her. ivy listened to gunner talk about it could just be something casual. that's how her and damon started and look how that ended. "you know i'm never good at the whole no strings attached thing. plus doing that defeats the purpose of trying to forget you all" she said laughing. "are also you being here defeats that purpose too" she continued. "but, i'm glad you're here" she said with a smile. definitely the alcohol talking and making her feeling like they had just met. tonight was to make her forget and now it was getting mushy with her words and thoughts about damon. "who knows what that boy was thinking but its made me feel the way i do. so lets forget" she said smiling before pulling him onto the dance floor. "come dance with me. like we use too"

GUNNER: for a moment, being here in this club with ivy had a familiar sensation to it. he couldn’t let his thoughts linger too deeply on that subject, knowing it wasn’t smart when he wasn’t here in the old context. he had come to the club to aide some desire to protect the model, even though he had no right. he couldn’t help himself from feeling protective though. even if the situation with ana and ivy was a mess, even if she hated him soberly, he couldn’t sit back and let the girl be left to whatever danger lurked in the dark. even if it was in his own head. and his return timing sucked. “if the model king world thinks you don’t always look your best, they’re blind and wrong. but at least you don’t have to worry about your agent tonight.” he nodded, finishing his coke and moving onto his water. he returned her smile at his answers. following her direction away from the bar, gunner looked around and he almost grimaced at the sound of her slurring. “well, it’s always good to be certain. i won’t tell you how to drink though.” he told the femme. he furrowed his brow and shrugged his shoulders at her words. “yeah, well, i have no answer for that one because it does defeat the purpose.” he admitted. and then he rolled his eyes, giving a wry smile. “but im more than happy to give you space to forget i just wanna keep an eye out. but… I’m glad you’re glad,” he figured it was just the alcohol. more than likely she would be pissed in the morning that she had even called him. “i know it had nothing to do with you being enough or he’s insane.” he spoke before letting it drop with a raised hand in surrender. she had pulled him onto the dance floor before he could really make a choice but could he deny her a dance? no. “okay,” especially when she seemed to be having a good time.

IVY: it was all too familiar them being together on a night out, dancing, having fun and just being together and tonight wasn't any different it was like old times. times that she had missed. "yeah most people say that but you know apparently they know what's best" the girl shook her head. she was relieved that she hadn't had a shoots booked and she didn't have to worry about the repercussions of her night out. she had booked for three nights downtown and she was going to enjoy every minute of it. do whats best for her and have a good time. "very grateful i don't have to worry about them. i can have fun and not wake up and know im going to have a billion calls from them" she said with a small smile as she directed them to the floor. "appreciate your support. ivy couldn't help but laugh. tonight she wanted to forget about the male existence but now she found herself with gunner here and to be honest she wasn't complaining. “That’s totally up to you. If you want to stand in the corner and observe than you do that. But right now I want to dance. I want to dance with you” she said smiling before taking both his hands. It was so confusing, the other day she was so angry at him and now she just wanted to be near him. Wanted to have fun with him. Probably the alcohol talking but so be it. Gunner would always be a big part of her life even if she didn’t let herself believe it. Ivy knew he was right deep down but it was hard to think about that since of everything that had happened. She just shrugged it off not wanting to let her thoughts ruin her night. “It will be fun I promise. You use to love dancing with me” she said laughing as her hips started moving with the music. the girl couldn’t stop herself from thinking about the fact that gunner answered her drunken call and then drove all the way down town to make sure she was okay. Where was that when she was alone every other time she had gone out. But he was here now. He had made the effort which just shows her that he does wanna try.

GUNNER: without all the pain he caused and the absence he left behind, tonight would have been a regular occurrence with ivy. gunner didn't need that verified, but it was a bittersweet message to swallow. "they don't, but if you want to stick with it... i'm not gonna start bashing the business." he decided, even if the very notion had left a distasteful sense behind. he let out a short chuckle at her words, nodding at her following words. "it's always good to get away from all the calls and people naggin' you for something." not that he had too much experience in that, gunner armani was given far too much privilege with his surname alone. the idea of bothering him with anything was preposterous to most people, and he didn't answer those calls most of the time anyway. he had further disconnected after his brush of reality. "i try." he smiled in turn to her laughter, a sound that was still all too contagious even in her current state. "it's actually in accordance to your wants, if i'm ruinin' the night by bein' so close, just let me know." he offered a shrug, but then she went and said she wanted to dance with him. and really, how was he supposed to observe from the corner after that? his hands in hers, he glanced down and did his best not to let his gaze linger before he offered her a small smile. gunner couldn't help but note that this would be, perhaps. his best memory of ivy in recent times. knowing how sour it would likely be the next time they talked. if she wasn't forgetting the male existence and drinking into oblivion again. bittersweet, but he would have to settle for it. it had been so long since she was smiling at him, so he wasn't going to ruin it intentionally. "how could i forget?" he raised a brow, and in turn he followed up with moving along with the music and the woman in front of him. it wasn't hard for the brunet to face most people, but facing ivy amor after all he had done? it was one of the hardest things he had ever done. facing ana, when it got down to that time, would be the hardest thing he would have to do and he knew he was going to replay that regret of leaving for the rest of his life. but he didn't want to waste any more time.

IVY: ivy loved her job but it came with responsibilities and when she had gigs lined up she couldn't let her guard down really. she couldn't be irresponsible with her drinking. she was grateful for the time off especially after everything that she had been going through. "i generally enjoy my job, there so many different opportunities that it allows me to get. just sometimes its a little hard thats all" she said as her words started to slur a little more. the girl knew gunner's opinion on the modelling industry and she was grateful that he always use to make her feel like she was normal and that there wasn't anything wrong with her just because a agent said it was. ivy smiled at gunner. "if you were ruining my night, i would have told you to leave ages ago, so we good" she said smiling as they headed for the dance floor. in this moment she was forgetting everything. it was just both of them, the dance floor and music. not strings, no baggage, just fun. the girl swayed her hips some more as she smiled at the boy and running her hands through her hair. "i don't know, some people forget that sorta stuff" she said as she tilted her head back a little and the music took over. the girl danced alongside gunner with a smile. ivy knew that tonight meant one step forward for them, hoping that she wasn't going to be too annoyed with herself in the morning. ivy danced around gunner, trailing her fingers from his chest to his back with a smile. by this time the alcohol had truly gone to her head, from all the dancing her head was spinning slightly but she tried to push through it, stumbling a little before adjusting herself with a smile. "i'm okay" she said smiling at the boy

GUNNER: gunner nodded in response to the femme's admittance, he was aware of just how the modeling industry could be. if he hadn't ever been with ivy, he might have felt less disdain for it, but he had. "glad you enjoy it, sucks that it's gotta be so difficult." he spoke, taking note of the increasing slur in her words. his brows already furrowing in his concern, even with the smiles she offered. her words brought a short lived sense of ease, but he focused on their dancing and keeping an eye on vee. "some people ain't me." he offered with an all too arrogant smirk, before it fell from his lips once more. there was mounting concern for the end result of the night, the safety of ivy and knowing she was definitely only getting drunker. when she trailed her fingers from his chest to his back, that should have been a sure enough sign, but when she stumbled and he braced to catch her before she could actually fall, he knew it was time to get her home or on her way home. "yeah, well, i think it's best you get back to your room for the night. don't need you getting anymore drunk and endin' up actually hurt, vee." he told her.

IVY: ivy was always thankful how supportive gunner was even if he didn't 100% agree with the industry. "most industries have some sort of difficulties don't they" she said looking up at him. the girl couldn't help but smile when he said he didn't forget. it meant that the memories that they had once shared weren't forgotten. they were certainly never forgotten in her mind, just pushed back a little to stop her from getting upset at the thought of them. the girl danced, laughed before she stumbled and couldn't help but laugh as the boy caught her. with her head spinning the way it was, it was probably time for her to head back to the room even though she didn't really want to. she started to dance again, as the boy spoke.  ivy knew he was right but she really didn't want to admit that. "oh party pooper you are" she said giggling before she stopped dancing. "how do you even know where i am staying mr" she asked putting her hands on her hips with a smile

GUNNER: "yeah, i suppose they do." gunner allowed, though he hated to admit to it, it was a factor even within his line of preferred work. he returned the smile she offered, feeling an unrecognizable sense of self-loathing slithering into his veins as he did. as he was reminded of all the good memories they shared, and then simultaneous was rewarded with the vivid recollection of their last few weeks together. her laughter reminded him that they were in the present moment, in the club, and getting ivy safely back was a priority to whatever dark hole his thoughts was shifting to circulate. "i am?" he arched a brow. "so be it, you'll feel at least a small amount better if you leave now." he told her, and his head cocked sideways at her curiosity. "i could figure that out within a few minutes, lots of resources at my fingertips, but i actually was figuring you may have retained that information long enough to tell me. or relay it to a taxi if you'd prefer that ride home than one with me." he admitted, looking at her stance with a small smirk etching over his features.

IVY: ivy just smiled at him as he spoke. it was like every industry it had its ups and downs, its challenges, the perks. it was just normal. times like this just made her wish that everything they had gone through didn't. she wish when tomorrow came and she was sober she could be like this with him but she knew that wouldn't be the case. there was still so much pain and confusion. "well you see by taking me away from the party, thats a party pooper" she said pouting. "hmm, can we get something greasy before you escort me back to me room" she said laughing. "okay mr detective. lead the way" she said ignoring the part about a taxi for a minute. "i am sure your car is more comfy than a taxi and a lot safer might i add" ivy said.

GUNNER: he hadn't been back long, and the armani male had figured it wouldn't be as tricky to enter back into ivy's life without the burning reminders. he forgot, apparently, how deeply the woman had left an imprint on his life and his believes. he nodded, offering a chuckle at her words and the pout. "i'll have to deal with the title." he shrugged. at her question, he nodded, knowing trying to get some food down would do a little bit of good. "alright, yeah, we can stop by a drive thru." he promised. "all these fancy new nicknames." he teased, eyes rolling playfully before he started to lead the femme towards the exit. "i'd definitely agree, especially to safer, but i'm not lookin' to cross your boundaries." especially knowing the likely purpose of her getting a room was to not deal with him. or at least partially.

IVY: "yes you will" she said smiling at him. she loved that she was able to joke with him, it felt like old times. ivy made sure she had her purse and her phone and room key before nodding at the boy when he agreed on drive thru. "okay deal." she said smiling as he lead her out of the dance floor. "well i love giving you nicknames" ivy said as they reached the exit. the cool air hit her face and the girl couldn't help but smile. it felt so nice. "gunner, its fine. where's your car? i need something greasy" she said with a small laugh as she waited for the boy to guide her to his car.

GUNNER: her return brought out a low chuckle, gunner shook his head. as they got to the exit, he cocked a brow at his ex with a small smile. "it would be a shame to stop you from doing something you love." he decided, the night are was more of a relief for the femme, he knew given her state, but he felt more at ease without the proximity of strangers. he motioned his head towards the direction of his car. "this way, let's get you some greasy food." he agreed, leading her to his car and opening the passenger side door to help her in and make sure she didn't end up face first into asphalt or concrete or his car door. none of those would he been pleasant for the femme.

IVY: ivy smiled as she walked alongside gunner. she couldn't help but giggle at the other's response. she was beyond intoxicated name, the fresh air was soothing but her slurring words and blurry vision told her otherwise. she was grateful to have gunner her and him taking her home. "it would be indeed" she said laughing. "what are we gonna get. im intrigued" she said with a smile as the boy lead her to his car. ivy knew it was his car the minute they were close to it. it hadn't changed. this car brought her so many good and bad memories. she thanked gunner as he helped her into the car before she shut the door. ivy rested her head on the headrest and put her seatbelt on. the seats in his car were always so comfy. she smiled as she sunk into it a little. "the seats still comfy"

GUNNER: when he slid into the driver seat, buckling in and starting the car up, he offered the femme a chuckle. "i was assuming the closest burger and fry place for greasy food, but if you have another preference just shoot it out." he offered. gunner hadn't entirely thought about the car he was driving or the familiarity of it that would send him back. to moments in time where he and ivy had more good memories than even the bad that registered. he shoved those thoughts away. "don't know how anybody drives a vehicle if the seats are comfortable enough." he returned with a small smile, pulling out of the parking spot and driving off.

IVY: ivy curled herself up in the passenger seat, a sense of familiarity washed over her as she sat there. the girl glanced over to the boy. he always looked so handsome driving. but she quickly changed her thought process. "burger and fries sounds like a plan" she said smiling. "no suggestions just greasy food" ivy said with a small laugh. "well i mean after all these years they are still comfy" she said looking at him. she couldn't help it, she was very drunk and he looked handsome. "so mr detective, have you worked out where we going after the greasy food?"

GUNNER: as he drove towards a close by restaurant, he focused his gaze on the road. knowing looking over at ivy would only send him reeling back in time and send another wave of guilt through him. “as long as it works for you.” he nodded, sparing a brief glance her way when she clarified and he chuckled. “yeah, some things don’t change i suppose.” and some do. “your hotel? can’t be too far from home.” he arched a brow as he decided that.

IVY: Ivy watched between the boy and the road as they headed through the downtown streets. She was thankful for gunner being there and now taking her back to her hotel. Despite wanting to forget everything, she would rather know that he still cared than not. “It does” she said smiling as she saw the big sign for the burger shack. “Ooo yes, burger shack. They do really good shakes” she said giggling. “They really don’t do they” she said before her hand rested on the hand rest which wasn’t too far from where gunners side of the vehicle was. “Oh my detective you are good. It’s actually just around the corner from here” she said smiling at him.

GUNNER: it didn’t take them long to pull up to the first place that came to mind nearby the club, burger shack. “are you wanting a shake, too?” he asked as he pulled into the drive thru, looking over at the femme. he offered a nod at her question, gaze shifting to her hand and feeling all the more like this was an alternate reality and hating the bittersweet aftertaste of the moment. “what can i say? i take my job seriously.” he spoke, teasing and offering a low chuckle despite himself.

IVY: The girl nodded, “yes please. Chocolate shake thank you” she said with a smile as she wiggled in her seat so she could see the menu as they pulled into the drive thru. “Can I have the big shack burger in a medium” she said looking at him with a smile. Before sitting back in her chair but leaving her hand where it was only a few inches from his. It brought back so many memories. “I can see that. You’re very good” ivy said with a laugh as she watched the buy order the takeaway.

GUNNER: relaying her order and waiting for his total, gunner pulled up to pay for her meal. “let me know if the food is good when you get it. gotta live vicariously through your stomach.” he was merely teasing, having decided against getting himself food because he wasn’t hungry. he glanced over at the femme as he waited for them to get her food and shake ready. “it is very easy to see.” he joked, unable to keep a smile from his face before he was grabbing the bag and the shake being held out to him.

IVY: ivy looked at him as they waited for the food to be ready. "why aren't you getting anything?" she asked him shaking her head a little. "but this place is always good, so you're gonna miss out" the girl said with a small giggle as she sat back in the seat. she was still very much feeling the affects of the alcohol and she was excited to get this food into her. "yes" she said looking at him before watching the boy grab the food and her shake. "oh my gosh, it smells so good" she said smiling as the food was handed to her. ivy crossed her legs on the seat and opened the bag before taking a sip of her shake.

GUNNER: gunner arched a brow at her question, “cause you need it more than me and I’m not hungry.” he offered. and he laughed slightly at her follow up. “besides, it’d be cold by the time i get to it.” he admitted. when the food was finally handed over, he couldn’t help but laugh a little at her reaction as he pulled out of the drive thru and drove towards her hotel.

IVY: ivy smiled as she pulled the fries and burger out of the bag and placed them on her lap. she was grateful for the boy and felt bad that he wasn't having anything. the girl looked between him and the burger. "here take the first bite" ivy said holding the burger up to him, "you can't do all this driving and bodyguard work and not eat" she said with a small laugh.

GUNNER: gunner glanced over to the femme and then at the burger held out to him, shaking his head with his most reassuring smile. “vee, i appreciate it but i really ain’t hungry right now. i promise, if i was i would have gotten something.” her next words brought an easy chuckle from his mouth. “i’ll eat later, bodyguardin’ and drivin’ ain’t all that appetite inducing.”

IVY: ivy looked at him for a minute after he shook his head and listened but taking the burger back and taking a bite of it. "well you're missing out" she said smiling. "please make sure you eat okay." the girl said before turning to her fries. this is just what she needed. greasy food, chocolate shake and then a good night's sleep. she mentally reminder herself to take some aspirin before she went to sleep. the girl had some on the side table in her hotel room. ivy looked between him and the road before taking a sip of her drink and noticing the sign to her hotel. "its the next one up on the right" ivy said with a small smile looking over at gunner.

GUNNER:“i bet i am,” he agreed as he returned his focus to the road ahead. it was very much like ivy to offer anyway. and be concerned about him eating. “i will,” he promised. when she pointed out her hotel, he followed her direction and found a spot to park long enough to make sure she made it to her room.

IVY: Ivy smiled as she enjoyed her food. She knew the boy would have gotten something to eat if he was hungry but being who she was, ivy had to offer him some of hers. The girl nodded as she ate some of her fries and took a sip of her shake. It was probably the best shake she has had in a while but who know that may just been cause she’s drunk. She had finished her burger by the time gunner had found a parking spot. It was just what she needed. “Thank you for dropping me to my hotel” ivy said as she placed her fries back into the bag and took off her seat belt. 

GUNNER: gunner took a moment to look at the femme as he cut the engine. “thanks though.” he added, an afterthought that wouldn’t have surfaced in anyone else’s presence with genuine intent. “you going to be alright on ya way up? i can make sure one of the staff helps you to your room or whatever you need.” he offered, arching a brow and still feeling concerned given her state but knowing when not to invade. it was better he didn’t overstep too far, it was miraculous she had even allowed him the momentary opportunity to assure her safety. for his own eyes.

IVY: Ivy looked at him with a smile. “No worries” she said before taking a sip of her chocolate shake. As she wiggled the seatbelt from her arm. Ivy turned in her seat to look at gunner. “Yeah I think I’ll be good, I’ve got my purse, keys, Phone and food” she said with a small giggle. From where they were parked she could see her balcony. She couldn’t help but laugh a little. “That’s my balcony just up there on the 8th floor. I can wave at you so you know I got to my room safely” the girl said before grabbing her things and opening the door.

GUNNER: gunner nodded at her words, turning to face the femme as she worked out of her seatbelt. “alright,” he conceded. finding his gaze towards the balcony she mentioned, and again, he nodded as he memorized the balcony. “i’ll be waiting for that wave. be careful. be safe.” he warned as she exited the car.

IVY: ivy smiled at the boy before getting out of the car and looking back over to him. "oh i know you will be" she said with a smile. "thank you again for taking me home" the girl said before closing the door and heading inside. ivy stumbled slightly before straightening up and heading inside the lobby. it didn't take her long to get from the lobby to the lift to her hotel room. ivy unlocked her door before throwing her purse onto her bed and heading out to the balcony. of course he was still there. she smiled before looking down at gunner in the car. "now you drive home safe okay" she said waving at him with a smile

GUNNER: waiting until he saw ivy at the balcony she mentioned, gunner offered a returning wave and a small smile. he started his car back up after making sure the femme was in her room and safe, starting off back to his home.

-end of thread-

[idealnreal]

Please overanalyze the shadows in his palace I am begging you.

@appleyjuiceboy​ / jester owns my braincells of course i would do this for u

Okay so i think its best if i go about the order of shadows we meet in the game so. I’m not going to go into the persona/shadows in maruki’s palace. I’ll leave that for some other day. Now! Lets hope i can remain fully coherent.

1) The fluffy haired noodle shadow we meet for (ka)sumi’s awakening

First off, look at the design of this shadow--it has the fluffy hair parted to the right like maruki, its androgynous figure, and that swirly face mask as well! The mask has two eyes, and it even looks like theres a smile there, lopsided. 

We have never seen any other palace shadow taking a similar shape as the palace ruler (except maybe the yaldaboath palace). Shadows are meant to emulate what the ruler thinks of as protectors of their heart. Maruki doesn’t trust anyone other than himself with this secret. And particularly at this phase of his distortion -- there are no scientists, to attendants, no patients. Just an empty, beautiful palace -- with possibly only one type of shadow and protector. The type that represents himself. 

(Also androgynous/nb maruki confirmed ?? yes)

Okay then lets look at what this shadow says to Kasumi.

Shadow: ... Heresy. You dare to spurn our lord’s mercy. Accept yourself... Our lord laments the foolishness birthed from your pain.

Having the context that Kasumi is Sumire here ... Because this scene comes about because Kasumi sees a cognitive version of herself (Sumire) blaming herself -- and so, a part of her is probably trying to remember that she is Sumire. Thus ‘spurn(ing) our lord’s mercy’. And yeah accepting herself as Kasumi instead of trying to remember that she is Sumire. 

But most important is the fact that Maruki’s palace shadows refer to him as a religious or god-like being (’our lord’s mercy’ calling back christian themes). Someone who is merciful and, most of all, does feel grief over one’s pain. Painting an ideal picture of a loving and caring god, ala abrahamic religions. This is a running theme with all the shadow’s dialogs. Let’s put a pin in this for now. 

These design shadows are seen again later in the container room of the palace. They’re slightly faster. The container room is a strange one -- because it doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the laboratory/hospital/garden of eden thing going on.  While yes labs and hospitals do have storage areas, i cant imagine them being a container warehouse like this. I do headcanon that this is a storage area for the pain and suffering that Maruki has taken on from other people in order to heal them, due to his hyper empathy -- but i’ll analyse the room some other time. For now it’s interesting that the Maruki-like shadows are now relegated to this specific and really dark section of the palace.

Like the throne room/centre of eden that the Maruki boss fight takes place in -- He resigns himself to the darker gloomier parts of his palace. And the same goes for these shadows. This is where he belongs. 

Also abso-fucking-lutely we’re going to talk about how this shadow transforms when it ambushes you:

Skin suit opening up to reveal fangs and rows of teeth, and a formless monster inside. Maruki ... dude ... are you okay? If these shadows are meant to emulate him -- is this how he sees himself sometimes? HHh boy...

2) First lab coat wearing shadow at the start of his palace investigation

Prior to this, while we understood that Maruki was a researcher, it was never a defining feature of him. Like the first thing that came to my mind on Maruki was that he was just the school counsellor and snack purveyor. Now this entire researcher, scientist, side of him is in full display. And this is the most common type of shadow we see, some which are violent, and others are non violent. Maruki sees scientists as the main residents of his palace -- his drive towards investigation and discovery, to puzzling out the intricacies of the human heart, human mind, and human pain. To better further his ability to heal. But there’s also a sort of cold, methodical nature to these scientists. Their ‘healing’ is methodical, based in science.

This coupled with the religious reverence and ideology that their dialog suggests, is a nice contrast. Experiments, data, research, are people’s salvation. Not the simple belief of a deity or of a higher purpose -- but science. Science, in many ways, becomes part and parcel of their religious belief.

Shadow: Those guises ... You aren’t among those who desire salvation. Leave. You are unwanted intruders. Do not disturb our lord’s research-- this world’s salvation. Why do you willingly strive for self-suffering? Why are you reaching out to your own pain?

So here -- the shadow wants them to leave the palace well enough alone. To leave Maruki to his research, and to allow this reality to exist. They don’t want this to end violently and it seems like they’re okay with the trio not ‘desiring salvation’. And when the trio refuse to leave, the shadow asks them why they want to suffer. It’s something inconceivable to them. Maybe even challenging their resolve-- to reconsider their current path, which will only lead to more pain. Also ‘salvation’, ding, on the christian theme counter. Deliverance from above from sin, even redemption. Not for one person, but for the whole world. 

We see this type of shadow again before the scene in the auditorium. 

Shadow: You are misguided. Do not search for pain. Only tragedy awaits you beyond here. [After defeating it] Such a fool, rejecting our lord’s mercy. In that case -- witness it for yourself.

Same themes. Delicious. Lets move on now shall we.

3) Hastur -- the shadow that appears with Maruki at his reveal as his second-in-command / bodyguard

I don’t think i’ve talked about how much i love the lopsided smiles on these masks. Because i love it. it’s just the right amount of unsettling and creepy. fUCk. And the twitching, twisting, and the weeping blue paint that Hastur’s shadow form does before transforming is /chefs kiss. I wanted more.

Anyway, onto Hastur’s design. Not a labcoat this time, just an ordinary looking white suit with no tie. This is the only time we see Maruki have a bodyguard shadow -- something else he relies on. Hastur’s presence in this scene only shows how deeply afraid and uncomfortable Maruki actually is with intruders in his palace. This experience is a reminder that someone had come into Rumi’s parents house to kill him years ago (a theory for another time). Like that incident years ago, he doesn’t resort to violence here -- he did and does try to negotiate. But when that didn’t work, at least now he has something that can fight for him. 

( It is only in the second infiltration when we see Maruki actually take a more active role -- but I won’t get to that here. )

Hastur: Stubborn imbeciles, rejecting our lord ...

There is a running theme here, unfortunately. The shadows again cannot comprehend why anyone would choose to reject Maruki’s salvation, why anyone would choose suffering. And words like ‘foolish’ ‘misguided’ and finally ‘imbeciles’ here are all used to describe those who choose to reject it. While i do think Maruki only bends reality if the person wishes it (subconsciously or consciously), and does accept that there are people who won’t accept their wishes being granted and is aware of the reasons why-- He cannot fully understand or emphatise with it. 

4) These deformed Maruki-like shadows guarding the control room

Jesus christ above, i don’t like these, because they contrast with all other designs as these are more brutish and deformed. There’s used as gatekeepers at certain points of the palace, in the first control room, and later on in the brain-pod-room (my brain cells are stopping to work now excuse me) before the garden puzzle portion, at his final will seed and the entrance to the garden of eden.

We know Maruki isn’t a brute strength kinda person. And yet we see these few who’s only purpose is to defend certain things and areas with force. Its uncharacteristic, but at the same time, given the things that these shadows are defending -- it makes sense. No cunning, no wit, no negotiation, no compassion -- just forcefully defending very important parts of his heart and his work. 

Shadow (at the control room): So you dare defy His Excellency. You shall not interfere with our master’s work!

Shadow (brainwash room): Foolish rebels! You won’t take one step past here!

Shadow (entrance to garden of eden) : You?! I can’t believe you’ve made it so far ...

I had to do a double take on this. I think this is the only time this title ‘His Excellency’ has been used in the palace. While it is used for catholic bishops and that sort -- its mostly used in the context of heads of state, ambassadors-- more secular roles. The other times this shadow speaks is also similarly less reverent, less religious orientated. Of course this makes sense if the only function of these shadows is to use force to defend. They’re not the scientists or the first maruki-imitation shadows -- they’re not as devoted, and they dont have to be. 

5) Finally, these limbless noodles

This one is found during the horticulture portion of the palace. I can’t exactly figure out why. And as far as i can tell, they only appear in this portion of the palace.

As far as the design goes -- these are probably the most unhuman like. Slender, androgynous with only a mask. I’ve got nothing. Braincells ran out. Sorry!

(Haha androgynous maruki go brr)

SO! That’s it. thanks for coming to my ted talk and following me down this rabbit hole. I need to go and drink some fuckin tea. 

[fics-not-tragedies]

First impressions

This is fic based on this request, and I only hope this is worthy!

SUMMARY: You’re meeting Santino’s parents for the first time at a dinner where you’re supposed to make a huge announcement, but instead on focusing on you the D’Antonios scold Santino for being too reckless. Words:  1732; Warnings: none;

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The moment you set your second heel down on the pavement, Santino was by your side, linking his arm with yours and giving a nod to the two security guards in front of a restaurant you only briefly heard about, and you gathered the fake fur across your chest and your bare shoulders, knowing that even though you looked and felt better because of your choice of clothing, you could have chosen something just as sexy that would have been more appropriate.

Although you couldn’t help the satisfied smile that spread across your lips when a few heads turned as you entered, as interested in you as they were in the man whose arm yours was now attached to, and you hummed when he drew you closer to his side, the gesture enough to fuel your confidence and strengthen your intentions.

“Bella”

You prepared yourself for an order, instructions to act a certain way, you’d gotten used to it by now, it was always the way whenever entering a room, hushed demands to follow before reaching the table. But not with Santino.

“You look fucking incredible, il mio amore.”

You bit down harshly on your lip, your whole body shuddering and you squeezed his arm, there was no time to respond, let alone sink down on your knees and worship that incredible man the way he deserved, but you certainly wasn’t going to forget the look in his eyes, forced yourself to focus as they came to a stop.

“Figlio.”

“Padre.”

Neither his father stood as Santino pulled a chair back for you, nor did he even acknowledge your at first and you held your breath, sitting down hesitantly, then turned your head as he walked around to greet his mother, leaned down to kiss your cheek and she rubbed his back gently, “Mamma.”

“Ciao, cucciolotto” his mother smiled, shifting in her seat and waiting for her son to sit down before her eyes finally made it to you who was glad for the distraction, the intensity of the older man’s stare an instant intimidation you hadn’t expected, and while you’d always respected his name, was well-aware of where he had taken his family name, you had never been this overwhelmed, reputation and face combined sending shivers down your spine, “Ah, so this is your bella, sì?”

You nodded slowly, taking a deep breath before you drew your coat from your arms and hung it over the back of the chair, soothed only by the way Santino’s hand came down on your knee, a gentle squeeze following, “Sì” you said, swallowing as you could feel two unfamiliar pairs of eyes on you, relieved when Santino cut in.

“I thought it was a family dinner” he said.

His father’s face remained unchanged and his eyes searched behind them, then snapped at the waiter, holding up two fingers before he lowered his hand and looked back at his son, “You are aware that Gianna is running the business now?”

You felt oddly out of place, despite the ease of which you was able to win anybody over, you was well-aware that this was not the moment to make use of that skill, instead you focused on Santino, the way he swallowed, visibly distressed.

“I am aware” he said slowly, licking his lips.

“And are you aware that this means I am still watching your every move, figlio?”

Santino pursed his lips, “If this is about what happened last-…”

“It is, you already risked so much and now you’re doing exactly what in the first place?”

The way his father tensed had him leaning back slowly, his body tensing with a matchable anger and sense of frustration, he had nothing to say for himself, no way to justify himself, “Nothing” he said quietly.

“Oh, grazie a Dio” the older man muttered, but there was a mocking tone behind his voice that you recognized only too well, “I thought you’d lost all sense because of this girl.”

Santino’s jaw tensed, his lips pressed together for a moment to compose himself before he was able to give a collected response, “It was actually your idea.”

“It’s also because of her that you risked so much in the first place, bello” his mother said, her voice much softer, but her words only made it harder for you to stay quiet, yet you’d vowed to behave, to go along with whatever Santino wanted to do, though admittedly, it was getting increasingly harder, “And now you’ve moved her into your place…” she continued.

Santino bit his lip, glaring back at his father, “And you think I don't know that?” He snapped. His fingers were shaking, he’d been meaning to keep you from being a part of a conversation like this, afraid all along that it would only drive you away and yet there you was, sat by his side and allowing them to talk about you as if you wasn’t even there, your fingers cupping his on your knee, and he was only momentarily distracted as the waiter placed a glass of martini in front of them each and he took it thankfully, his fingers closing around the cold glass and he down it all in one, licking his lips, “Scusa.”

His father gave a respectful nod before his face turned cold again. “This is not just about her though, Santino” he stated, his eyes dark as he looked at his son, “I thought I could trust you to take over the business soon, but now I’m not so sure. You’ve made decisions that I could not predict, you are losing focus, you are falling deeper and deeper into this family feud, you're getting distracted…”

“Padre” Santino interrupted, shaking his head, eager to explain himself now that he had something to say for himself, “I just refuse to be disrespected” His jaw was shaking and he swallowed hard, a shaky breath escaping his lips as you squeezed his hand. He was desperate for more, knew that you would be able to soothe him with a few simple touches, and he was struggling to compose himself.

“Santino, you’ve disappointed me.”

His mother sat straight, looking at her husband, “Salvatore.”

You were biting your tongue, had forced your hand that was interlocked with Santino’s to stay still, but your other hand was shaking, you was struggling hard to keep still and when you saw the look on Santino’s face, you couldn’t contain yourself anymore, “Stai zitto!”

It was like a moment of slow motion in which all three pairs of eyes fixated solely on you, more so than throughout the entire conversation, and you were trembling, a fear rushing through you, that you could not remember feeling last. You were going to regret this, but there was no going back now, and you used the moment of utter shock on the older man’s face in front of you to continue, “He has done nothing to deserve that” you snapped.

“Scusi?”

You bit your lip, “Santino has been working more and harder than I’ve ever seen anyone work, without exception. He upholds his name and lives up to it, furthering the business and all the while trying to establish a maintaining superiority over another business that makes all of this a whole lot harder. He shuts down any disrespect towards your family name, and this is what he gets?” Your lip was quivering, you couldn’t hold yourself back, not even the touch of Santino’s hand on your thigh, nor the warning gaze his mother gave you could stop you now, “People on the street are afraid of you for the wrong reason, clearly.”

Santino breathed shakily, not daring to take his eyes off you, staring in awe, and he was as worried about his father as he was fascinated by the beauty beside him. He didn’t have it in himself to apologize for you, because why would he, why would he apologize for something he had never dreamt of having but now realized he couldn’t live without?

To Santino’s surprise as well as yours, his mother spoke first, leaning forward and extending her hand to you and you took it rather hesitantly, your heart jolting as you felt the warm squeeze, “I just want to say…” she glanced to her husband who she could tell was conflicted, fuming even, yet trying to stay calm and she shook her head, “No, Salvatore, she’s right” she said decisively before looking back at you, “Gioia.”

Your eyes were wide as you looked back at the woman in front of you, was almost holding your breath again, your fear merging slowly into curiosity, you were truly lost for words now, managed merely incoherence. “I-I … scusa, I just…”

“No, there is nothing to apologize for, bambina, not when you are speaking up for my Santino like this.”

A shaky breath escaped from your throat and you could only feel Santino’s hand resting on your thigh, refusing to look away from his mother now, you were taken aback, could hardly comprehend what was happening as the woman nodded towards your drink and she lifted it at the same time as you did yours, giving a hesitant nod when you cheered with yours and downed it all the same as Santino, quick and rushed to ease your nerves.

“Allora” she nodded. “I think we’re done here.”

Santino rose to his feet, needed no telling twice and you missed his touch for just a second, watching him walk around to kiss his mother’s cheek before he placed the fur coat over your shoulders, his hand found the small of your back and he nodded to his father, the heat of his hand searing through your dress as he led you away.

“Santino” you whispered, pressing yourself to his side, your fingers shaking as you clung to his arm. “I’m so sorry.”

He lifted his eyes, the softness of blue and everything he’d ever admitted to you in his eyes threatening to bring you to your knees. “Don't you dare, bella” he said, reaching to brush your hair back gently from your face, “They like you.”

“We forgot to tell them about our engagement…”

“We’ll do it next time, principessa. Let me get you somewhere nice right now, you deserve it” Santino pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his arm wound around your waist pressing you closer to his side.

[lionspridetingz]

Sweetener - Mason Mount

chapter seven - goodnight n go 

“Oh, why'd you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you, why must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well. Just say goodnight and go.”

~A few days later~

“So let me get this straight, you two met up at your spot where you both share so much history and made up, to be ‘just friends’?” your friend asked you as you both set up the things for the barbecue your friend group was hosting. 

You nodded as she handed you a stack of cups to place on the table. She rose her eyebrow at you, “Righhhttt and you’re sure theres no feelings between you two, cuz that day I came to your house, you both looked a bit flushed, like you were hiding something.” 

“Anabelle, i promise nothing is going on between me and mason, we’re just friends, nothing more.” 

“Rightttt, whatever you say, just behave tonight, i remember how you two used to be at these kind of things.” she eyed you for a reaction but didn’t get anything. 

It wasn’t that you wanted to lie to your best friend, you just knew you had to for now, not that she would have a bad reaction to you two technically getting back together, it was cause you and mason promised to take it slow, which meant not saying anything to any of your friends yet, no matter how hard it was. 

And you can already tell its gonna be even harder as you hear Anabelle open the door to none other than Mr. Mason Mount looking ever so gorgeous with his nice summer tan, his longer hair, a little stint of facial hair, ‘god that facial hair looks so good on hi- Y/N get it together goddamn it.’ 

You shook your head and smiled as mason came walking over to you to greet you. Engulfing you in a ‘friendly hug’, before whispering in your ear, “hello beautiful, missed me?” winking at you at an angle only you can see making you roll your eyes at him as well as trying to hide a small blush on your cheeks. 

Anabelle came over wrapping her arms around both of you, asking for a favor, “since both of you are such good friends now, I can send you two to go finish setting up outside while I figure out the new speakers my brother bought in here.” you both nodded and headed outside. Mason smirking as he can still see the small blush you wore. 

The two of you setting up plates and utensils in silence, Mason looking over at you every so often with that look you can’t resist. 

“Mase,” his ears sprung up when you spoke his nickname, “tell me why you gotta look at me that way, you know what it does to me.” you eyed him making him smirk stepping closer to you. You looked back at the house hoping no one was looking. 

“Aww baby, whatcha trying to say?” he wiggled his eyebrows wiggled at you making you scoff before he continued talking, “ you know lately all i can think about is how all i want is you on top of me.” he started gently touching your side with his hand. 

“You know where your hands should be,” you said smacking his hand away before moving away from him, heading back towards the house to see if Anabelle figured out the new speakers. 

“If that's true, why don’t you come and show me?” he screamed, just loud enough for you to be the only one who heard it.  

The entire night you two could barely resist yourselves, constantly giving each other flirty looks, sneaking touches, yes you two were supposed to be going slow, but you really couldn’t help yourself, maybe it was the light buzz of the drink Anabelle kept pouring you but all you wanted to do was walk over to him where he was talking to some of the other guys at the barbecue and smash your lips on his. 

But you couldn’t, you needed to control yourself. 

That self control almost went out the window when you were both sat across each other at the table and he kept giving you the look, the look that left a shiver down your spine, and made your cheeks go red. 

“Hey Y/N you alright you look a bit flustered.” your friend Melanie asked, you nodded and just blamed it on the alcohol and the weather. Everyone seemed convinced of the answer except Mason, who just smirked as he continued to chew his food. You grimaced at him and decided to play at his level. 

Carefully slipping off your sandal by ‘accidentally’ dropping a napkin on the floor, picking it up and seeing he was in conversation with the guy sitting next to him, noticing it to be the perfect time for your plan. You pressed your foot to his leg making his eyes go wide and him cough a bit and turned to take a sip of his drink giving you a daring face, you just shrugged taking a bite of your food. He returned to his conversation as well as eating but not before you slid your foot up his leg slowly, drawing a reaction from him. When your foot made it to his thigh he gripped your ankle, looked at you with a face telling you to stop before pushing your foot off of him, and all you could do was smirk to your victory. 

The rest of the evening went by quickly, the two of you seemingly calmed down after what happened at dinner, and once it was time for the party to end, you both were the first to offer to help Anabelle with cleaning up, which she greatly accepted. She had your both on the washing dishes duty while she went to go pick up outside. 

The two of you stood there just quietly being in each others presence, mason not liking the silence so he nudged you playfully as you poured water over the soapy plate, making you giggle. 

“What was that earlier huh?” 

“What was what?” you smirked knowing exactly what he was talking about.  

“Oh you wanna be like that? I’m talking about the footsie game you were trying to play with me.” 

“Ohhhhh that, it was pretty fun to see you all flustered,” he rolled his eyes at that, “aww Mase I know you love how i tease ya,” you winked making him chuckled, “besides you kept giving me the look all night.” 

“Oh I was giving you the look huh? Do tell me Y/N what this look consists of.” he stopped drying the plate he had in his hand and looked at you. 

“You know damn well the look you were giving me and don’t you deny it, need i remind you we’re supposed to be taking it slow.” you finished handing him another plate to dry before rinsing out the excess soap in the sink. 

“Says the one who was trying to turn me on during dinner!” he exclaimed chuckling, making you shrug and wink at him as you went to get your things to head home. Anabelle coming in and thanking you both for your help, and asking how you’d get home. 

“I’ll probably just get an uber or something.” you shrugged pulling out your phone, but in true Mason fashion he protested. 

“You are not getting in an uber this late at night, I didn’t drink anything I’ll drop you off at home.” 

After a bit of back and forth you decided to let him drive you home, Anabelle saying bye to you at the door, and whispering “remember just friends” and winking at you.

This car ride was completely silent until you spoke up as he pulled up to your house. 

“Why do you make it so hard?” 

Mason turned down the music, “What do you mean?” he chuckled a bit, showing his perfect white smile that you adored. 

You couldn’t help but groan making him confused, “I mean it’s so hard to not find you cute or to resist you,  you make my guard go down every time you’re around, and I cant help but want to kiss you in front of all of our friends just like I used to, you make me wish we weren’t taking this slow.” 

“Butterfly… we don’t have to take this slo-” you stopped him 

“Are we making a mistake? Am i more importantly making a mistake, I just feel like I was getting better and then you come back and you pull me in again cuz you just have this control over m-” he cut you off with a kiss. Making your hands go to his hair as you kissed back, before pulling away and slumping back in the passenger seat. 

“Always have to leave me with a bang, couldn’t just say goodnight and go huh?” he smirked, leaning over and grabbing your hand. “You have just as much control over me Y/N and I wouldn’t want it any other way, I don’t think this is a mistake, we can take it at your pace, whatever you wan-” this time you cut him off with a kiss, a short and sweet one. 

“Stay tonight.” 

“What?” he was taken aback. 

“Stay the night with me, my parents won't be home til Wednesday, they’re visiting my aunt up north. I want to take it slow, but I’m not going to deny how bad I want to lay in your arms tonight like the old times. So please, stay the night and we can figure out the pace we’ll go at in the morning. I’m sure your big empty house won't miss you too much.” you winked and he nodded stealing another kiss from you making you smile. The both of you exiting the car and entering your house, feeling close together like the good old days.

[xmalereader]

The Mandalorian X Male Reader

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|| Masterlist ||

@ifreakinglovewritingsomuch

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Requested: Hiii. I LOVE YOUR WRITING. It's amazing!!! Would you mind writing another fic for the mandalorian x male reader. There just isn't enough male reader stuff and I'm obsessed with The mandalorian. Maybe the reader is a bounty hunter as well and they are "rivals" but actually very much in love °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Warnings: rivalry, lovers, kissing, slight flirting , baby yoda.

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Dyn’s mission was suppose to be short. Get the child and turn it in, get paid and then move on. But yet here he is, stuck with a child and another bounty hunter that he stumbled upon on the way. Now, Y/n was a little annoying for the mandalorian. He kept threatening him which caused him to threaten back, fights would break every often and arguments over the smallest things.

Sometimes the child would just stand back and watched at the two grown adult males argue over something small and simple, like: who’s blaster is Better or who has a better idea for their next job? It was always the same argument, over and over again.

That it came to a point where they got used to each other and the arguing would slowly turn into a flirting situation. None of the two took it seriously but that’s how they suddenly got along, even other people that the mandalorian had stumbled upon during missions had mentioned about the flirting but the mandalorian would simply let it slide, like it was nothing serious and were only teasing each other.

Of course no one believed the two, only letting it go and allowing them to countinue their weird lovers quarrel.

“Where’s the kid?” Dyn asks while frowning under his mask. Y/n lifts his hand up to point over to the bed where the child was sleeping soundly. “He fell asleep awhile ago so don’t wake him up or I’ll blast you.” He warns with a small glare and moves over to gently cover up the child with an extra blanket. Smiling at the strange creature that they have suddenly taken in as their own.

“Well as long as he is safe and close then I won’t make a sound.” The Mando said and makes his way around his space craft and grabs some materials that he would need for later. They have landed on a small planet with a very small population, not many people lived here and it was mainly used for reinforces or stops. “where you going?” Y/n asks as he gives the mandalorian a glance and raised a brow, leaning against the wall with crossed arms and a smirk on his face. “Find something interesting out there?” He teases.

The mandalorian turns to face Y/n and sighs deeply, “I’m gonna go and find the kid something to eat, after that will be heading out soon and find another planet that’ll give me a job.”

“Us a job.” Y/n corrects as he tossed him a small blaster. “I’m not going to continue babysitting, I’m itching to get a job as well.” He mumbles out and bites his lip, reaching up to push his hair back and groan. “Just do what you’re going to do quick so that we can leave sooner.” The mandalorian smirks under the helmet and adjusts his things on him and hums. “Maybe ill just take my time,”

Y/n glares. “You little-!”

“Kid is sleeping.” Dyn says as he shuts Y/n up, watching as the other closed his mouth and groans deeply. Looking back to the kid only to see It stir a little before it went back to being still and sleeping.

“Be quick or I’m leaving you.”

“Yes, dear.” Dyn sighs out as he steps down the ship and makes his way out.

Y/n was blushing deeply at the small pet name, he runs over to the opened gate and shouts. “Don’t call me that!”

“I won’t, dear.” The mando calls back once he gets on his speeder and drives off without another word.

“Stupid mando...” Y/n turns back inside and passes by the small bed that the child was sleeping in, the small child was awake. His eyes were all tired and his ears were droopy as he stares at Y/n with big eyes.

Y/n bites his lip as he stared back at the kid before sighing in defeat. “Fine you win.” He reaches over to pick him up and smiled at him. The child cooed once he was picked up and his ears perked up in excitement. “Dyn will be back soon, he went out to get some supplies for our next long flight.” He explains to the child as he walks outside and sits on the ground, under the shade with the child between his legs. He allows him to walk around and play in the tall grass, playing in small puddles as y/n sighs happily and stares off into the distance, waiting for the mando to return.

It took Dyn all night to get what he needed for the three of them, getting supplies wasn’t easy since he didn’t have as much money but sometimes he still found ways to make it work.

Once he returned the sun was already setting, he steps off the speeder as he sees both Y/n and the kid playing in the grass. Y/n was randomly weaving a small grass crown for the child as he sticks his tongue out in concentration and smiled proudly at his finished work, “All done!” He said and placed it on top of the kids head who cooed happily and squeaks.

The mandalorian stood from a distance as he watched the two bond. Tilting his head to the side as he smiled at the warm sight.

Y/n looks up to see the mandalorian and grunts as he stands up to stretch his muscles, “Hey look daddy’s back.” He calls out.

“Wouldn’t that make you the mommy then?” Dyn grabs his bag and heads over to Y/n and bends down to pick up the child. Y/n gasps and gets all flustered, “I am not the mommy! For all we know I am the number one dad that he prefers and you’ll be number two.” He exclaimed. Only earning a look from the mandalorian which he couldn’t see but could easily tell that he was giving him a look that meant he wasn’t pleased.

“I doubt that.”

“Wanna bet on it?” Y/n challenges.

The mandalorian thinks about it for a second before turning to face y/n and extends his hand out to seal the deal. Y/n grins before shaking his hand and giggling evilly. “Ill win.”

“And whys that?”

“Because I always win.” He pouts out which the mandalorian could only roll his eyes and set down the kid before handing Y/n the bag. “Put this inside while I start a fire and prepare our meal for tonight before we have to leave.”

Y/n lets out a surprised scream as he catches the heavy bag and grunt. “Geez what’s in here rocks?” He questions as he heads inside to put away the bag.

The mandalorian was able to start a fire and cook them up something, serving the kid first before he makes a bowl for both him and Y/n. The other was laying out some blankets and a bag as a pillow for the kid to rest on, “Here.” He hands Y/n a bowl of bone broth who accepted it and sits next to the mando. He watches the kid eat it up as he slurps it up. “What are we going to do with the kid?” Y/n asks as he drinks his own broth. “What’d you mean?” The mando watched the child as well. “We cant always keep him safe, he’s just a kid and he needs a proper place and a proper home.” He whispered out in a small soft tone as he lowers down his bowl and gently taps the rim, the mandalorian noticed this and figured out that the other was worried. “Will protect him, I mean you did promise the first Time we met.” He leans back against a log as the kid sets down it’s bowl and copies the mandalorian, walking over to the laid out blankets as he lied down on them. Y/n chuckled at the kid copying the mandalorian. “Your the dad, alright.” He says as he sets down his own bowl.

“You sound like a worried parent.” Y/n’s face heats up as he glared at the mando. “That’s because I am worried! I’m always worried over the kid and I’m also worried about you sometimes!! Always leaving and never returning until late at night and then-“ Y/n stops mid sentence at the realization. “Oh gods.” He buries his face into his hands in embarrassment. “Not a worried parent, huh?” Said the mandalorian.

Y/n peaks between his fingers and sighs, lowering down his hands from his face as he looks at the mandalorian. “You know you don’t make a bad parent either, I’ve seen the way you act around the kid.”

“That’s because he reminds me to much of myself, couldn’t leave him with anyone I don’t trust.” Y/n only smiles at the mandalorians words. He leans over to plant a kiss against the mando’s helmet. Dyn expected himself to flinch away but he simply accepted the kiss and smiles under the helmet he wore. “Wow, your a parent and a good kisser.” He teases.

Y/n pouts and hits him with a branch before moving over to cuddle next to the kid, using one of the blankets to cover up the kid. “I am not a parent.” He hisses out quietly before lying his head back and holding the kid close.

The mandalorian chuckles as he looks up at the stars, “Yeah you are...” he whispers out as he hears the sound of crickets and soft snoring coming from Y/n.

[is0gild]

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 17

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 12,131

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

Day three of Operation Boyfriend But Shh Not Really and so far, so good.

Though the thought of this triple date had my inner recluse curling up into the fetal position, I'd manage to convince myself it actually was a good thing when you really thought about it. One, it gave me more practice for trying to do this whole couply… thing I was trying to do. More practice meant I'd eventually, hopefully be more comfortable with it all, as well as less chance for screw-ups in front of my parents when the dreaded but inevitable weekend with them at last came. Two, we were trying to maintain this image of being boyfriend and girlfriend in front of everyone else at the mall. And boyfriends and girlfriends went on dates. What better way to be seen going on said dates than by going out with other actual couples? And three, we couldn't forget about the person the Duke had hired to tail Anna originally and could quite possibly still be keeping tabs on me now. If they were still out there lurking, it was important that they, even more so than anyone else,see me dating.

It was still kind of weird to think about - that an actual, real life PI or whatever had been surveilling me constantly for who knows how long and I'd had no idea. It felt so surreal. Unreal even. But the Duke was absolutely that crazy and I wouldn't put it past him to still have someone keeping an eye on me, looking for any cracks in the story, any slip-ups or mistakes. I'd have to start paying attention more when I was out and about, see if I could figure out who it was, spot any faces that seemed to always show up everywhere I went.

But then, even if I did identify a likely culprit, I would have absolutely no idea what to do with that information once I had it. Even if I marched right up to them and told them their cover had been blown so they may as well scram, the Duke was just insane enough and rich enough to keep hiring new people to do the job instead.

...jeez, I was really starting to sound paranoid now, wasn't I?

With my luck, it'd turn out the Duke no longer had anyone following me after he'd confronted me in the food court.

Best not to think about it too much, because honestly? It'd get me nowhere.

Sighing, I banished the thoughts from my head as I watched the buildings blur past my window from the backseat of Riku's silver Ford Focus. The three of us were on our way to the restaurant now and Lea, Kairi and Sora were going to meet us there. My hand anxiously smoothed out the creases of my outfit - a dark magenta sheath dress with long sleeves and a hemline at the knees. It had a tastefully low v-neckline and a double layered skirt, the top layer made of a shimmering gossamer material. Nice, but nothing too fancy for our "nothing too fancy" date, to use Kairi's words.

Per Lea's request, I'd also worn his leather jacket. It made sense, after all. Nothing screamed "dating" more than one half of a couple wearing their other half's clothes, so it certainly helped maintain the facade. His boy scent still lingered on it, even though he hadn't worn it in a couple of days now, given it had been in my possession. The smell was somehow both soothing and butterflies-in-the-stomach inducing at the same time. It was an odd mix of emotions, to say the least.

I felt a buzz in the jacket's pocket. Pulling out my phone (gosh, it was so weird having one again after going so many weeks without) I checked my notifications to discover I'd received a text.

Well, speak of the devil.

Still cant believe u didnt lemme come pick u up

Shaking my head with a small snort, I tapped out a reply to Lea.

It just made the most logical sense for me to ride with Riku and Rayne since we were all coming from the same place.

Rayne suddenly cried out happily, drawing my attention to her as she clapped and bounced in the front passenger seat. "Ahh, I'm still just so excited for date night! Good food, great company, hot hubby," she slyly pinched Riku's cheek, which he endured with dignity as he drove. "What more could a girl ask for?"

He chuckled as he shifted the car over into the turn lane. "You make it sound like I never take you out."

"You know that's not what I mean!" she playfully smacked his shoulder. "But with the baby on the way, I don't know how many more of these I'll have! This is one of my last chances to enjoy freedom! Jesus take the fucking wheel, hallelujah!"

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand again and I looked down at it.

I know not this logic u spk of

I felt a tiny smile pulling at my mouth as my thumbs typed.

Don't worry about it. Tis beyond your mortal ken.

"I just hope no one's drinking tonight," Riku snerked as I watched those three dots bounce at the bottom of my screen. "Don't need you dancing on any more tables, thank you very much."

"Your face dances on tables!" Rayne shot back, sticking her tongue out at him.

"That doesn't even make any sense."

"You don't even make any sense!"

Rude. Ill have u know I had half a mind 2 drive ovr n get u NEway, logic b damned

My smile turned a touch wicked.

I'm impressed. That's half a mind more than you usually have.

"Here we are!"

My head shot up as I heard the engine shut down. I hadn't even realized we were in a parking lot. I hadn't even realized the vehicle had stopped moving.

As I looked out my window again, I heard Rayne saying, "Have I mentioned how happy I am we're doing this?"

"You may have said something about that once or twice." I could hear the smile in Riku's low voice.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her leaning over towards him, her hand coming up to run slender fingers through his long, ashen strands. "Yeah, but maybe I should show you."

"Maybe you should…"

And that's when I, being the absolute clueless, blissfully naive little fool that I was, chose to turn and fully look at them, just in time to get a front row seat to their little game of tonsil hockey. I blushed, threw up a hand to block my line of sight and made a tiny noise of disgust in my throat. "Ugh! You know you're not the only people in the car, right?"

Rayne pulled away to smirk back at me. "Well, other people can shoo," she flicked a dismissive hand in my direction before grabbing Riku by his collar and yanking him over for a deeper, more passionate kiss. Ding, ding, round two!

Squeaking, I fumbled with my seatbelt until I heard the click release, threw my car door open, stumbled out and slammed it shut behind me with a huff.

Oi, that was the main drawback to this group date plan. We were going to be around actual couples, and actual couples actually, ahem… snogged. Rayne and Riku were going to be bad enough, but let's not forget Sora and Kairi were along for the ride too and I'd seen firsthand how gross those two could be as well. Mark my word, this night was going to have more than its fair share of uncomfortable moments with those four around, being all besotted and smitten and other such rot. But I would survive this and make it through to the other side. Somehow.

Sweeping my braid forward over one shoulder, I glanced up at the building before me now. It bore a colorful banner over its entrance that read Fuente Del Oro. A local, family-owned Mexican restaurant, or so Rayne had told me. I could already tell this was going to be a very different experience from the types of restaurants my ex used to take me to for our dates. Those restaurants had all been about the look, the prestige… you didn't go to any of those places for the food, you went there to be seen, to give off an air of importance. Those places were… dull. Lifeless. This place before me now, on the other hand, was… nice. Colorful. Vibrant and full of character. Not elegant or frilly, but warm and inviting. And the aromas that I could smell coming from it, even all the way out here? Delicious.

I was actually kind of looking forward to this.

Phone still in my grasp, I looked back down at it and frowned.

No message back from Lea yet.

A giggle suddenly echoed out across the parking lot and my eyes snapped towards the source. It didn't take long to spot Kairi a few vehicles over, squirming and laughing in Sora's arms as he hugged her from behind, blowing raspberries against her neck. They were standing with a very familiar redhead who was leaning against a very familiar black muscle car. Said redhead had pulled his hair back into a ponytail again and was dressed in a snug, black tee with a second shirt on underneath, red and black horizontal stripes running down its full-length sleeves. His slim, dark jeans made his already long legs seem even longer and he was sporting his bright red Converse. He had his phone in hand in front of him, but it wasn't the phone he was looking at. Our eyes met and a grin tugged at one corner of his lips.

Suddenly, whatever boldness that I had felt behind the safety of text on the tiny, glowing screen in the palm of my hand had abandoned me and I felt a small pang of anxiety pierce my chest.

But I rallied.

Alright, Elsa, pep talk time. You can do this. You've been mentally and emotionally preparing for this since yesterday. Let him throw at you whatever fluffy, sappy moves he decides to today, all in the name of pretending to be your boyfriend. You can take it.

Shields raised and at full power, captain!

Inhaling and exhaling slowly, I pocketed my mobile and started making my way over to those three. Probably hearing my footsteps against the asphalt, Kairi and Sora looked over at me as I approached and greeted me with waves. I gave them a shy smile and returned the wave as Lea held his phone up, turning the screen towards me and showing the last message I'd sent him as he tsked, "Brutal. You wound me, madame."

I stopped a few feet away from him, my smile twitching wider. "You like it."

"True. What can I say, I've always been a bit of a masochist," he hummed a low chuckle, slipping his phone into the back pocket of his pants. His head tipped to one side and he stared at me for another second, then his eyes crinkled as he stretched a hand out towards me with a soft, "C'mere."

I bit my bottom lip, hesitating for a heartbeat before moving another step forward to take his offered hand.

"Lookit you," he whistled, closing his fingers around mine and leading me into a little twirl. "Digging the look." He then gently pulled me against him, drawing my arms up to hug his neck before slipping his hands beneath the jacket to wrap around my waist, enveloping me in his cinnamon scent. "Didn't get a chance to say it the other day, but my jacket suits you."

I rolled my eyes up at him, doing my best to be impervious to our sudden closeness. I wasn't succeeding. "Not really. It's too big."

"Yes really," he insisted, bowing his head slightly towards mine. "It looks way better on you than it ever did on me."

"Where's Riku and Rayne?" Sora interjected and I turned my head to look at him.

"They-" my words tripped over my tongue as Lea pressed a tender kiss to my temple.

Critical hit, captain! Shields down to thirty percent, but holding!

Ignoring the heat rushing to my face, I did my best to regather my scattered thoughts. "They, uh… they're back in the, uh… the…" Drat, what was the word again? "...car! They're back in the… the car."

Sora pulled a face. "Swapping spit, no doubt."

"Oh-ho, we'll see about that! C'mon, Sora!" Kairi cackled with an evil gleam in her eye, slipping free of her boyfriend's hold to instead grab his hand and pull him behind her as she ran off towards Riku's car.

"Seriously," Lea spoke up again, his voice hushed as I slowly returned my gaze to his. "Pretty sure I've lost all claim to that jacket. It belongs to you now."

My eyelids drooped. "That's not how that works."

"Sure it is." He rested his forehead against mine and I could feel his thumb rubbing light circles against the fabric of my dress just above my hip. "You don't choose a leather jacket, it chooses you. And trust me, that one has definitely picked you over me."

I gave a soft snort. "I'm giving it back to you after tonight."

"Don't you dare," he chided, his breath warming my lips. "You'll hurt the jacket's feelings."

"Stop anthropomorphizing the jacket." I was fighting a smile now.

"Make me," he murmured, something in his voice causing my insides to do that whole warm, fuzzy, squishy thing.

And the academy award for best leading actor in the role of Elsa's boyfriend goes to this guy right here.

But had to say, I thought he might be overdoing it a bit. I mean, Sora and Kairi weren't even around anymore to hear any of this. And if we were being monitored by someone under my great uncle's payroll, they certainly couldn't hear it either. I suppose Lea just… really liked getting into character?

Clearing my throat, I unclasped my hands from behind his neck and shifted them down to his chest in an attempt to push myself free of his grasp as I whispered, "We, ah… should probably go speak to the hostess now."

However, his hold on me didn't loosen, his arms remaining firmly secured around my waist. He didn't say anything, just continued to grin down at me. His eyes became hooded as they flicked down to my lips now, making my heart skip a beat.

What was he-?

A sudden loud yelp ruptured the air around us.

Rayne.

Followed by an annoyed yell of, "Goddamnit, Sora! Kairi!"

And that would be Riku.

The two delinquents in question blurred past us and towards the restaurant's front doors, whooping and snickering and razzing their tongues back at their victims climbing out of the Ford Focus. "We'll grab us a table!" Sora called quickly at the same time Kairi shouted, "See ya inside!" Then they both disappeared through the entrance with Rayne and Riku hot on their heels.

I heard Lea sigh. Or maybe he didn't. It was so soft that it was fully possible that I imagined it. Then he released me, slipping one hand into mine and jerking a thumb towards the restaurant with a lopsided smile, "Shall we?"

I stared at him, feeling the night air cool my warmed face. Then I gave a tentative nod and let him lead me inside.

The others hadn't made it far past the doors and we stepped in to find Riku doling out Sora's punishment: death by a thousand noogies. Sora was smacking his cousin's arm and trying to wriggle free, but to no avail. Apparently Kairi had gotten off with only a warning for she was standing off to one side with Rayne, both cracking up as they watched the boys. I looked past them, taking in the restaurant. Strings of fairy lights hung from the ceiling intermixed with strings of multi-colored papers, each bearing cutouts depicting various imagery. The walls were painted with murals of fantastical, mythical creatures of various shapes and sizes with wings and prismatic fur, feathers and scales. This place was absolutely beautiful.

Once the roughhousing had finally settled down, we all approached the hostess, an extremely tiny, extremely old lady wearing a name tag that read Coco who seemed far more interested in napping than greeting new customers. However, she woke up long enough to squint at her list and find our reservation before calling over a man to seat us. He led us through the restaurant and to a large booth in one of the back corners, leaving menus, chips and salsa on the table before flashing us a warm, genuine smile and saying he'd be back to take our orders in a minute.

I started shrugging out of the jacket, feeling Lea assist me before folding it over his arm and gesturing towards the booth with bow and a, "Lady's first." Smiling at him, I took a seat and scooched towards the middle. Lea wasn't too far behind, sitting close enough for our knees to bump against one another. He tossed the jacket on the back shelf of the booth before draping his arm across the top of the cushioned seat behind my head. Rayne took the spot to my left with Riku of course beside her, and on the other side of Lea sat Kairi and Sora. The waiter came back after giving us a little time to peruse the menus and he gathered our food requests before dashing off again.

"So Ray," Kairi piped up, popping a heavily salsa-laden chip into her mouth, "how's the preggers-life treating you?"

"Really well," she nodded contentedly, one hand going to her tummy. "The jellybean's happy and healthy so far and I've just started barely showing in the past couple weeks. No weird food cravings yet, thank god, but those are supposed to be right around the corner."

Sora leaned forward, propping his chin in both hands and beamed, "Do we know yet if I have a lil nephew or niece on the way?"

"We're cousins, Sora. Nephews and nieces would only be if we were brothers," Riku corrected with a wry curve to his lips.

"We don't know yet," Rayne shook her head, "but I'm about four months along now, so hoping to find out at our next appointment."

Lea had shifted his hand to dangle down so he could idly twiddle my braid between his fingers. I could also sense his gaze on me, causing a bit of a flutter in the pit of my stomach. Reminding myself he was just playing a part and it wasn't real, I resisted the urge to squirm and instead pretended not to notice, directing all my focus into reaching for a chip to dip into the salsa.

"Well whatever the wee monkey turns out to be, you can bet Auntie Kairi and Unkie Sora will be here to shower it with all the love and kisses!" Kairi cooed.

Riku twitched and frowned. "I just said that isn't how it-"

"Shush, hon, they're just teasing you now," Rayne poked his cheek with a laugh before looking back over at Kairi. "And you? How's the new gig over at Mickey's going? You've been there, what? About a week now?"

"Mm-hm! It's been a lot of fun working the jewelry counter. Oh sure, there's the occasional asshole customer, but turns out I'm really good at killing them with kindness."

Riku kicked Sora's foot under the table, "What about you, ya freeloader? Any prospects yet?"

He shrugged with that big smile he seemed to always have permanently glued to his face. Just looking at it was starting to make my cheeks hurt. "Couple of interviews coming up, so we'll see!"

Smirking, Riku said, "Can't wait to hear how you screw them up this time, knucklehead."

"Hey!"

Kairi turned to look our direction now. "So what's new and exciting with you two, hm? Lea, you just had that big test, right?" Silence was her answer as I went for another chip. "Lea? Hello, earth to... ah-ha, there!" She rocketed up to her feet, slamming one hand down on the table and pointing the other right in Lea's face. "Lost puppy look!"

"Hm, what now?" he jolted, his hand jerking away from my braid to lay across the booth backrest once more. "Lost pup-? Bah, I told you already, there's no lost puppy look. You need to get your eyes checked, princess."

She scoffed, plopping heavily back down into her seat and smugly take a sip of her soda. "Please. You were bad at hiding it when you guys were dating in secret, and you're even worse at it now that it's all out in the open."

"What's the deal there anyhow?" Sora cocked his head at me. "There's all sorts of wild rumors flying around the mall, like that you're runaway royalty from some far off country just living off the lam now."

"What?!" I blanched, gawking in disbelief. Doing my best to recover with a tiny, awkward laugh, I hastily said, "No, nothing quite so, ah… dramatic. My parents, they're… well off, to be sure, but certainly not royalty. And not from so far away either. Just Arendelle, which is only about an hour north of here."

Chewing on her straw, Kairi eagerly leaned in closer, "I'd love to hear the story of how you two met!"

I stiffened.

Fudge.

Welp, add that to my ever growing list of things I should have thought about in advance but failed miserably to do so. I fiddled a chip between my fingers as I tucked in my bottom lip. Shoot, what was I supposed to tell her? It's not like I'd gotten any better at lying in the past few days since my visit with Father. In fact, I'd been mostly skirting by since then by dodging questions and letting people fill in the blanks for themselves so I didn't have to. Heart thudding in my chest, I opened my mouth, not quite fully sure yet what was going to come out.

"Last summer," Lea was quicker. "In another city."

"Oh, during that big cross-country road trip you took?" Rayne asked him as she leaned into her husband who slung an arm around her shoulders.

Lea tapped his own nose, "That'd be the one, Raindrop."

Kairi gasped, "You two met in a foreign city? How romantic! That's the dream!"

"You have to leave the country in order for it to be a foreign city," Riku shook his head.

"Cram it, you knew what I meant!"

"It was like one of those scenes straight outta a movie," Lea planted an elbow on the table, rubbing a curled finger over his smirk as he watched me out of the corner of his eye. "There I was, just strolling along minding my own business, smack dab in the middle of a jam-packed city street. But then the crowd parted and there she stood. The most gorgeous creature to ever walk the face of this or any other planet in all the cosmos."

Cue my face turning all new shades of red never before witnessed in the history of human eyesight.

Jeez, laying it on a bit thick there, Lea, don't you think?

"So whatdja do?" Kairi pressed, eyes bright and on the edge of her seat. "Sweep her off her feet right then and there?"

He snerked, "Shit no, I walked headfirst into a lamppost."

I smothered a grin behind my hand as the rest of the table erupted into laughter. Sora reached over to punch him lightly in the arm, "Smooth, ya stud. What city was this anyway?"

"Corona," I was the one to answer, surprising myself. Suddenly self-conscious with all eyes turning to me, I quietly added, "I was there for part of my vacation last year."

"By yourself?" Rayne quirked a dubious eyebrow at me. She knew this story was as made-up as my current relationship status was. I could only assume she was trying to poke holes in order to help us solidify this little tale that was being spun so we'd be more prepared for the next time we had to tell the lie.

The thing is, the best lies have a grain of truth to them. I really had been in Corona last summer. "No, I was taking the trip with Anna. We were actually staying over in Traverse Town, but had planned to visit Corona for the day to enjoy a festival there, since it was only a short train ride away. However, Anna disappeared with a guy before we could go. I'd really been looking forward to this festival though and didn't want to miss it, so I took the train over on my own."

"Wait," Kairi slapped both hands down in front of her, eyes widening. "Are you talking about that big lantern festival they do every year?" At my nod, she squealed. "Lucky! Punzie has shown me pictures in magazines, it looks so goddamn pretty! Oh man, I've always wanted to go! Hint, hint," she shouldered Sora, who just chuckled and scratched the back of his head.

"It was actually right as they were launching the lanterns that I saw her," Lea said, folding his arms atop the table now. "She was wearing this cute sundress. White with a lil diamond patterned hem. Split sleeves that were all flowy. Hair down and dancing in the slight breeze." Wow, he was really selling this. He'd even nailed that whole far away look in his eye, like he was seeing something the rest of us couldn't. "And the way those lanterns lit up her smile as she watched them float up, I knew my lowly mortal self was in the presence of a goddess. Knocked the wind right outta me."

"As did that lamppost," Rayne sniggered.

"As did that lamppost," he agreed with a chuckle.

Totally enthralled now, Kairi breathed, "So what happened next?"

"Yeah, what did happen next?" I grinned over at him, the barest note of a challenge to my tone. To the others, it probably just sounded like I was teasing him since obviously I was already supposed to know this story. But now I was almost as invested as Kairi and was genuinely curious where he'd go with it next.

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he looked over at me and he leaned back, propping his elbows up on the back rim of the booth and once more slipping an arm behind my head. "Well after the lantern bit was over, I watched her get onto her train heading back to Traverse Town. So I did what any self-respecting, red-blooded, utterly bewitched male would do: I followed her."

"Stalker," Riku singsonged.

His wife smacked his leg, "Hush, it's sweet!"

He snorted, eyelids drooping, "Yeah, so sweet, the dumbass left his car behind in Corona."

"Psssh, I just took the train back for it later," Lea brushed off. "Anyway, when I found her on board, I sat across from her and worked up the nerve to strike up a conversation."

Rayne looked at me. "You? Talk to a handsome stranger on a train?" She squinted, repeating for emphasis, "You?"

"Heh… what can I say? He can be very charming," I smiled down at my drink, swirling the ice with my straw.

"Even with all of my roguish charm and devilish good looks though, it wasn't easy," Lea laughed. His hand had drifted down to start toying with my braid again. "But she warmed up to me eventually. By the time we arrived at Traverse Town, I was completely smitten. A total goner. She still needed more convincing though, so I managed to persuade her into joining me for a night out on the town. Luckily for me, Traverse Town has a very active night life that goes on for hours long after most other cities have gone to sleep."

"Yeah? Like what?" Sora burbled out around a mouth full of chips, making Kairi giggle as she put a hand over his face to hide it.

He pursed his lips to one side, looking up at the ceiling, "Oh, nothing too exciting. Few odds and ends here and there though… wandering around a record store… a café with a palm reader… a street poet at one sidewalk corner, a belly dancer at another, some stargazing in a park…" Now he smirked over at me, "A carnival with a kiss at the top of the ferris wheel."

A mock gasp from Rayne, "Scandal! And you with a fiancé, young lady!"

I looked away, suddenly feeling guilty and flustered over something that hadn't even really happened. "...ferris wheels can be very enchanting."

And my streak of helping the lie along while not actually lying myself successfully continues!

"And then, and then?" Kairi insisted impatiently, just eating this whole bit of fiction right up.

He chuckled and shrugged, "Just mostly a lot of meandering the streets and talking. We were out all night and watched the sunrise together. Eventually, she had to go meet up with her sister so they could move on to another city for the next leg of their lil vay-kay. But I didn't let her leave without agreeing to meet with me again in a few months."

Kairi was slackjaw now as she whispered, "And did she?"

"Mm-hm!" he hummed happily. "And from there, we kept meeting up, our little get-togethers getting longer and more frequent over time."

"Then what?" She was relentless.

A wolfish curl tugged at one side of his mouth. "What else? I slowly seduced her until she fell helpless into my bed, hungry for the pleasure only I could give her," he waggled his eyebrows.

Of course I'd chosen that exact second to be taking a sip of my drink. And of course I promptly spluttered and choked on it. "Excuse me?" I coughed, laughing incredulously as I elbowed him in the gut.

He gave a pained grunt, but grinned and snagged my hand before I could retract it, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "I mean that in the most gentlemanly and respectful way possible, of course," he winked at me before looking back over at Kairi. "From there, I convinced her to run away from her family and ditch her two-bit, loser fiancé to be with me. And the rest, as they say, is history!"

"Wow!" she sighed dreamily, slumping back and fanning herself. Then she blinked, "Wait…" A gasp. "Oh my god! You swore off dating about a year ago, which was last summer! Was it cuz that's when you two met and it was love at first sight?!"

"Huh. The two certainly seem to line up perfectly, don't they?" he chirped. He'd rested my hand back down onto the table, his on top of mine, threading our fingers together.

Our waiter popped up again just then. "Your food will be just another moment. In the meantime, please allow us to entertain you with some music." He then turned, clapped his hands twice and called out, "Miguel!"

Out charged a boy in his early teens wearing a red hoodie and lugging a guitar that was white, etched in swirly patterns, and nearly as big as he was. He flashed us a smile huge enough to rival one of Sora's and without further preamble, started strumming away and singing. The kid was actually really good too!

Kairi clapped in delight and Rayne cooed over how adorable he was. Sora gaped in awe at the boy's obvious talent while Riku just grinned, digging into the chips. As I watched him perform, I couldn't help but feel Lea's eyes on me once more instead of on our little musician. I shifted in my seat, slipping my hand free of his and bringing it up to tuck some bangs behind my ear, hiding the growing warmth I felt in my cheeks behind my fingers.

At this rate, I didn't know how I was going to survive fake dating this guy for the rest of the evening, let alone for two more weeks.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Lea's hand closed around mine, stopping me in my tracks. I glanced over my shoulder at him, then back towards where Rayne and Riku were climbing into their car across the parking lot. "With them?"

"Ahhhnt," he made a buzzer noise, grinning. "Wrong! Would the contestant care to venture another guess?"

I gave him some side-eye, feeling one corner of my lips turn up. "...with you?"

"Bingo!" He started walking towards his car, gently tugging me along with him. "I was already so rudely denied my god-given right as the boyfriend to pick you up from your place. No way am I missing out on giving you a lift over to the movie theater. Same goes for driving you back home later tonight, so better make your peace with it now. It's happening."

I felt my smile twitch a fraction wider as I fell into step beside him. "I suppose being my chauffeur is quite the honor and privilege. Wouldn't want to take that away from you."

"Glad that's settled then," he gave a chipper nod, unlocking the front passenger door of his vehicle and holding it open for me as I got in. As he then jogged over to the driver's side while I buckled in, there was a loud meep meep of a car horn and I looked up just as a hot pink Jeep blurred past where we were parked - Kairi and Sora, it seemed, going on to the cinema ahead of us. I waved at them just as Lea had settled in himself and started the engine.

"So," I began once we were on the road, resting my temple against my knuckles with my elbow propped on the window sill, still grinning as I watched him out of the corner of my eye, "you took a road trip last summer?"

He gave a low hum of confirmation, reaching over to turn down the volume on the rock oldies station coming through the radio. "Decided to have one last big adventure before I really buckled down and started taking school seriously. Did a lil soul searching, that whole shtick."

"Ah." My gaze focused on the road ahead once more and I hesitated for a second, gnawing on my lower lip. "...that was a nice story you told. About how we met."

Lea chuckled, leaving one hand on the wheel while moving the other to lay atop the headrest of my seat. "Liked it, didja?"

"Oh definitely." Now I hid my growing smile behind my hand, trying to keep a straight face. "Though I have to admit, I think I was a bigger fan of the original movie adaptation."

I watched him visibly stiffen. "The…?"

Tapping a curled finger to my chin, I muttered, "What was the title again? Before Sunrise, I believe?"

He snerked, then broke out into a full laugh. "Crap, ya caught me. Yeah, I may have borrowed from the plot there a tad."

"Just a bit," I shook my head at him. "You're lucky Sora and Kairi haven't seen the film."

"Kinda surprised you have," he turned the car down a road that would take us towards the mall. "Pretty sure it's older than you are."

"Nothing wrong with old movies," I shrugged before wrinkling my nose at him slightly with a tiny smile. "Kind of sappy though. Wouldn't have thought that'd be your kind of movie."

Looking my way, he smirked, "What can I say? I'm a sappy guy. And hey, at least I didn't steal everything from that flick."

"True. The stuff before the train was all you."

"You helped," Lea pointed out as he pulled up to a stop sign. He then tapped his index against the steering wheel a couple times. "...outta curiosity, why'd you say Corona? Out of all the other places you must of visited on your trip, what made you pick that city?"

As the car accelerated once more, I tilted my head in thought. "Don't know really… I guess I just felt it would be a nice place to meet someone new in. That'd it make for a good story." I paused, watching some tail lights streak past us. "...the lantern festival really was beautiful. Have you ever seen it?"

Lea shook his head as he glanced up at the rearview before shifting lanes, "Nah. Had plans to on the road trip, but something else came up."

"A shame," I sighed wistfully. "You missed out."

"Wouldn't say that," he murmured, a warm flicker in his eyes. "'Sides, there's always next time."

"Suppose that's true," I nodded. "Nice touch, by the way, describing the dress I was wearing. I think I might even own one that's pretty close to it." Don't think I'd been wearing it in Corona though. But I couldn't really remember. It had been over a year ago after all.

He laughed again, fingers combing his scalp before returning the hand to my seat, now on a spot next to my ear. "Well, I did help you pack your clothes from your old condo just a couple days ago. I probably saw it then."

"Good point." That made sense. It would have been too much of a coincidence if that'd actually been what I'd had on that day. But now… should I be worried that I hadn't really been in that dress? What if someone found out the mismatch in the story? No… no, that was just me overthinking things again. Even if the tale ever reached the ears of the Duke's goon, it's not like they could go back in time to fact check. "Just one more thing now." My eyes narrowed at him, at odds with my grin. "Might want to edit the ending a bit."

"Which part?" he asked a touch too innocently, already turning us into the Dusk Town Center parking lot. "Running away to be with me? Hasn't that been the story all along?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Try a little before that."

Wouldn't have thought it possible to both purse one's lips and smile at the same time, but Lea proved me wrong in that moment. "Hmm… oh! Well, figured wooing you over the course of months sounded more believable, but if you think it works better as weeks or even days, then-"

"No no. Little after that."

"Well then, now you got me stumped cuz I know you just couldn't possibly be talking about the absolute masterpiece that was the slow seducing, helpless bed falling, pleasure hungry part."

A snort. "Why yes, actually, I could be talking about that and in fact am."

"But that's the best part!" he protested, turning to park in a space right next to a familiar Ford Focus. "It's the heart and soul, the very essence of the story! The pièce de résistance, the crowning glory."

With a good natured scoff, I unfastened my seatbelt as the car shuddered into powering down. "Well decrown it because you're dropping that bit."

He lifted his chin slightly and gave a dignified sniff, "I am a storyteller, El. An arteest. You wouldn't ask Leonardo da Vinci to remove the smile from the Mona Lisa."

Well someone had a high opinion of himself. Which honestly came as zero surprise. I fixed him with a dull stare. "Drop it or your jacket gets a giant, sticky stain before the night is out." And with that, I opened my door.

Lea scrambled out of the car and rushed over to join me on my side just as I slammed the door shut behind me. He had the decency to only spend a couple seconds looking mildly miffed at having been denied the opportunity to open and hold the car door for me before his frown melted into a smile once more. "Jeez, blackmail? Never thought you'd stoop so low. But eh," he shrugged, "jacket's black, it'll be fine."

"You're failing to see the big picture here," I crossed my arms as I waited for Rayne and Riku to get out of their own vehicle. My guess was they were probably going for another round of Seven Minutes in Heaven in there. Smirking at Lea, I elaborated, "Because then I'll wash it."

"Egads," he mocked gasp, splaying a hand against his chest, "the horror."

My smirk curled wickedly. "In a washing machine."

As my roomies finally vacated their car (faces flushed, I might add), Lea actually paled. "But it's dry clean only!"

"That's right," I said smugly and turned to walk away. "So nix that line or the jacket gets it."

"You fight dirty," he muttered as he caught up to me, slipping his hand into mine. However, he was grinning.

Huh. That wasn't what I'd been expecting. IE the face of a man who'd just suffered a crippling defeat by my hands.

I narrowed my eyes up at him. "You certainly seem pretty happy about the impending, inevitable demise of your jacket."

Now the grin was joined by a dimple as we walked. "Well, it's just that in order for you to make good on your threat, you have to take my jacket hostage. Meaning you're gonna hafta keep it after all." His head dipped down closer to mine as he swung our hands slightly. "I count that as a win for me."

...well crud.

Score one for Lea there.

Shrieks and giggles suddenly erupted behind us before Sora tore past us towards the mall's entrance with Kairi riding piggyback. Rayne laughed and tugged Riku into a stumble behind her so they could catch up while Lea and I continued to take our time, bringing up the rear.

We made our way through the food court and over to Cinema XIII. The manager with long, silver hair that I'd seen there last time was present again, off to one side where he was setting up a huge cardboard display for the latest Star Wars movie. I watched him scowl and fiddle with the lifesize lightsaber cutouts as our group purchased tickets from a blonde chick with a weird hairdo that kind of resembled antennae. As we'd approached, I could have sworn I'd seen her boredly cleaning her fingernails with a small knife, but there was no sign of the blade by the time we'd reached her register. Perhaps my eyes had just been playing tricks on me.

Tickets for our whodunit comedy flick in hand, we then moved over to concessions which was being worked by that same teen with the emo haircut that I'd also spotted here a couple weeks ago. He hardly glanced up from the book he was reading as Riku and Rayne ordered snacks and drinks from him, Sora waiting in line behind them with Kairi still latched onto his back.

"Alright, whatcha want? My treat," Lea asked as he watched the flat screens hanging behind the counter scroll flashy ads for crisp, buttery popcorn and fizzing, bubbly soda.

I blinked. "What?" Then I frowned at him. "Oh no, not happening. You already paid for dinner despite my multiple protests. I'm not letting you buy me candy too."

We were only fake dating after all, and I wouldn't even want to make a real boyfriend pay for everything!

"But it's my right as-"

I put my finger to his lips, silencing him as my eyelids drooped. "Enough with playing the boyfriend card already. You're having too much fun with that."

He puckered up and planted a tiny peck on my fingertip, sending a small jolt straight to my heart as I quickly jerked my hand back. He chuckled, "Just tell me what your fave candy is."

"Shouldn't you be able to guess?" I arched an eyebrow, stubbornly ignoring the way the tip of my finger still had a slight tingle. "Isn't that like your special gift or whatever?"

"Only with ice cream," he lightly corrected.

"Right," I crinkled my eyes at him. "How's that coming along again?"

His shoulders bobbed up and down. "It's a process."

"My turn!" Sora suddenly proclaimed loudly in front of us, dropping Kairi off his back and spinning around to get behind her.

His girlfriend gasped, "Sora no!"

"Sora yes!" he cackled, jumping onto her back, arms hugging her shoulders tight and legs wrapping around her waist as her hands automatically shifted to grasp beneath his knees. To her credit, she managed to stand for three whole shaky seconds before collapsing beneath her boyfriend's weight into a tangled heap on the floor with him.

Ah, to be young.

Never mind the fact that I was pretty sure I was only like a year older than them.

With a soft snort through my nose, I glanced back at Lea. "Well, while you keep processing, I'm going to go find our seats."

I turned to go, but he pulled me back with the hold he still had on my hand. "C'mon, just lemme buy ya something small," he insisted as he hopped over the Sora/Kairi knot that was still trying to disentangle itself, forcing me to gingerly step over the two of them as well.

Shaking my head with a sigh, I said, "Why won't you just let it go?"

He beamed. "Cuz what schmoopsie-poo wants, schmoopsie-poo gets."

Oh no he didn't.

"Uh-uh, no. Veto. You are not calling me that," I jabbed a finger into his chest.

There was a sly gleam to his eye. "Tell me what candy you want or I won't stop."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wanna bet?" he flashed a toothy grin as we stepped up to the counter now that my roommates had stepped off to one side, already munching away at their newly purchased sweets. "You'll think you died and went to schmoopsie-poo heaven."

I gave a small huff and looked away. "Small price to pay. Not budging on this."

"Fine. You've forced my hand." He turned his head to the concession worker, slapping his palm down on the countertop and proudly declaring, "I'll have one of everything, my good man!"

"What?! No, no, stop, he's joking," I hastily told the cashier, who froze mid-ringing the order up as he gave us a flat look with the one blue eye not hidden behind bangs. To Lea, I whispered, "What do you think you're doing?"

He shrugged, grin not faltering. "Figure ya gotta like at least one of 'em."

I stared at him. Then my shoulders slumped and I hung my head, grumbling, "...Junior Mints."

"You heard the lady," he chirped to the theatre employee. "And throw in a small popcorn and large Kupo-Kola too please!"

Once the junk food was acquired and paid for, we moved out of the way to join Riku and Rayne as Sora and Kairi bought their own goodies. While we were waiting, I opened up my candy and reached inside, retrieving a minty, chocolate-coated treat and popping it into my mouth.

"Can I have one?" Lea asked beside me.

I gave him a blank look. Then I glanced down at his hands, otherwise occupied with a full soda cup and a bag practically bursting with popcorn. Digging another Junior Mint out and holding it up between us, my gaze met his once more. "Say ahh."

Face brightening, his lips parted wide.

I inserted it into his nostril.

He blinked a couple times, then snorted which had the byproduct of dislodging the Junior Mint. "Okay, guess maybe I deserved that for being a lil pushy about getting you the candy."

"You most certainly did," I said matter-of-factly, eating another one. A pause while I slowly chewed before swallowing and mumbling, "...but thanks for doing it anyway."

"Heh. Don't mention it."

Kairi and Sora rejoined us then, arms piled high with sugary delights. Jeez, all that on top of the gigantic Mexican dinners they'd both devoured less than an hour ago? One had to wonder how the two of them managed to stay so skinny.

It didn't take long for us to locate our theater and when we entered, all the lights were dimmed for the trailers that had already started to play. We quietly found our seats close to the middle of the auditorium and we settled into them, Lea to the right of me and making up one end of our group while Rayne took up my other side, the rest of the gang to her right. It seemed the cinema had recently renovated with new, barely-used cushiony sofa seating, the kind that reclined.

As I pushed the button that popped out the chair's footrest and made myself more comfortable, I caught a glimpse of the others. Half way through a strand of red licorice, Rayne flinched when Riku was suddenly in her face and chomping down on the other end of the candy. Grinning, he took a few more bites, bringing their lips closer together until he could give her a smooch before pulling away, looking quite pleased with himself as she blushed and snerked, giving his shoulder a light shove. Kairi was tossing Milk Duds towards Sora's open, awaiting mouth and rewarding him with little kisses every time he successfully caught one.

Worrying my lower lip between my teeth, I glanced towards Lea out of the corner of my eye as he crunched away on some popcorn. Should we be acting all… couply right now? Like the others were? I mean, it was a dark theater… did we really need to keep the act up in here too? Would anyone really notice? Then again, I'd noticed our friends being all sickeningly cute and I hadn't even been trying to, my eyes had just wandered. So maybe it wasn't such a stretch to consider the two of us were also possibly being observed, even in here.

My gaze flicked down to the armrest I shared with Lea. It was wide enough for both our arms to lay on it side by side, elbows touching. He wasn't holding my hand at the moment, instead just resting his about an inch away from mine. Which, now that I noticed, actually felt a bit weird, oddly enough. I guess I was starting to get used to it. But perhaps I should look at this as an opportunity for some more practice. An exercise in me being the one for once to initiate a display of affection. I seriously couldn't get away with him being the one to start it all the time, right? Surely, I had to act like I liked him too.

Which, to be fair, I kind of did.

Even if it was a secret.

But now I had to wonder how does one go about, ah… what was the term? ...making a move? I'd never had to do it with my ex. I'd never particularly felt the urge, nor had he ever really encouraged me to have more initiative in that area. He'd always been the one to take charge and that seemed to be the way he'd liked it. It seemed to be what was expected of our relationship, by him, by my family, by the world of upper society that I had lived in for so long. But I was no longer in that world. Things were different here. I was different. And I needed to show that to my parents. And one way I could show that was by doing this.

So then… exactly how do I do this?

...well I suppose I could start by moving my hand in the general direction of his. Seemed simple enough… right?

Gulping and holding my breath, I slowly, oh so very slowly started reaching for his hand. As my fingers crept closer, the pounding in my ribcage grew louder and louder. A hairbreadth away from skin contact, I hesitated, what little courage I'd mustered already dwindling. But after a second, my face hardened. I needed to do this. For the sake of Operation Boyfriend But Shh Not Really. For the sake of a continued future free from my parents' control. With a newfound resolve burning in my chest, I pushed on.

My pinky barely brushed against his knuckle.

Nope! No way. Mm-mm, not happening!

I snatched my hand back, blushing furiously.

The blush of a failure. Pathetic.

However the touch, no matter how light and brief, hadn't gone unnoticed. Lea glanced my way, his head tipping slightly. Then he smiled, shifting his popcorn out of his lap over to his right while moving the soda from the cupholder between us to the one on his other side. Then he lifted the armrest separating us, folding it back between our chairs before slinging an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close so my head was pillowed by his chest.

I tensed for several seconds before relaxing against him, clearing my throat and, if possible, blushing even harder.

Well then.

Guess I no longer needed to worry about us not looking couply.

Even if I hadn't been the one to initiate.

...tomorrow. I would do a better job tomorrow.

As the last of the trailers ended and opening credits for the movie began filling the big screen, Lea ducked his head down next to mine. I could feel him grinning against my ear as he whispered, "This boyfriend model comes equipped with all the latest technology, including hilarious movie commentary. Would you like that feature enabled now?"

I leaned my head back a bit as I turned to look him in the eye. He cocked a playful eyebrow at me. Feeling one corner of my lips tug up, I whispered back, "Commentary on."

"You got it."

I was not disappointed.

"Is this really totally necessary?"

"Oh absolutely. Your uncle's spies could be anywhere, ever vigilant and watching at all times."

"Even here? In the parking lot for my own apartment?" I frowned dubiously.

I could feel him nodding against my hair. "Especially here. I'll have you know I've seen at least three cars pass us already, each one more suspicious and shady than the last."

Date night had been a rousing success, if I did say so myself. We'd had a good time with friends, dinner was amazing and delicious, and the movie had been excellent. But as everyone knows, all good dates (even the fake ones) must come to an end. And at the end of every date, some sort of goodnight ritual is often at the very least customary, if not absolutely essential. Traditionally, this usually takes the form of the infamous goodnight kiss. However, since I'd already taken any sort of liplock completely and one hundred percent off the table, Lea had instead opted for a hug.

One… extremely and uncomfortably long hug.

...okay, that was a lie. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. In fact, was actually quite nice. Pleasant, even. Ten out of ten, would recommend.

We stood next to his car at the moment, my apartment building just a few yards away. After he'd parked and we'd both climbed out, he'd pulled my arms up to wrap around his neck, his hands once again finding their way under the leather jacket to encircle my waist, hugging me close as he'd rested his cheek atop my head. And so we had remained for quite some time now.

Kairi and Sora were no longer with us, having parted ways back at the mall, but I could see Rayne and Riku off to one side near their own vehicle, enthusiastically taking part in some cuddle time themselves while they waited for me. Which actually I really appreciated. Without their added presence here, I'd probably be getting a lot more awkward a lot more quickly about The Hug That Would Not End.

That said…

"We've been at this for at least five minutes now. Wouldn't you call that a bit, er.." I shifted my feet, resisting the urge to squirm, "...excessive?"

His hold on me didn't budge. "Gotta be convincing. 'Sides, we're obviously still in the honeymoon period of our relationship. You know, when the couple takes forever and a day telling each other goodbye a thousand times before actually leaving. Otherwise known as the No-You-Hang-Up-First phase."

My brow furrowed. "I thought that was only made-up for TV. Real people don't actually do that, do they?"

"Yup," I felt another nod. "Trust me, I'm an expert. I know these things."

I squinted off into space. "...haven't you only ever done one night stands?"

"Shush, I said trust me on this," he murmured.

And shush I did. I suppose I could look at this as a sort of… endurance training? Get me more used to his hugs so I'd be less awkward about them in public? Make them seem more natural? Yeah, okay. This might be good for me. Let's see how long I could keep this up.

...answer? Not long.

Tentatively trying to pull away, I began, "Alright, maybe we should-"

"One more minute," he insisted, squeezing me tighter and shifting his head down now to instead nuzzle against my neck. His nose was cold and his breath tickled against my skin, making my cheeks warm. Welp, so much for not squirming.

Huh. He really seemed to be taking this whole pretend boyfriend thing very seriously. This was some extreme dedication to the role.

And there my insides went all over again, doing the whole warm, fuzzy, squishy thing. Alright, just breathe. Deep, calming breaths. Remember: Conceal, don't feel.

...maybe just focus on the concealing part. The not feeling part was already a lost cause.

"Ya know," Rayne's voice suddenly piped up nearby, causing me to jump, "maybe you two don't have to say goodnight just yet." Lea straightened up, loosening his grip on me just enough for us both to turn our heads to see she'd joined us. Gracing us with a sly smirk, she said, "I mean, if you want to really drive this date home for any eyes that might be prying, Lea could always, ya know..." her eyebrows bounced as she leaned in closer to whisper conspiratorially, "stay the night."

"What?!" My face erupted into blistering heat, the likes of which would've put the Sahara Desert to utter shame. "N...No! Absolutely not! How could you possibly even-"

She laughed, her finger booping my nose. "Relax, you silly goose. Of course he'd only sleep on the living room sofa! S'not like your grunkle's minion would have x-ray vision into our home."

Oh.

That's what she'd meant.

Well of course that's what she'd meant. It's not like she'd ever really suggest…

Actually, no, this was Rayne we were talking about here. I honestly wouldn't have put it past her.

She elbowed Lea in the arm, "So whaddya say, stud?"

He smiled, removing one hand from my waist to rub at the nape of his neck. "Well, I'd planned on getting some reading done for my classes tonight. But I do have my book bag in the backseat, so I suppose I could just as easily read here on your couch." His gaze shifted back down to mine, "That is of course, as long as you're okay with it!"

My face still recovering from its abrupt and devastating heatwave, I looked down and muttered, "Well, I… I suppose, ah… sure. Okay. I mean, just to keep up appearances… " My eyes flicked back up towards Rayne, "Thanks. I guess that's… actually a pretty good idea."

"Of course it is! I came up with it!" she beamed, planting her fists on her hips and puffing up her chest. Then she turned back to her husband, pressing her lips to his cheek as she linked her arm in his and led him over to the building entrance. Lea at last fully released me, but only long enough to unlock his car and pull out a messenger bag that looked heavy with textbooks. Kicking the door shut, he slung the strap of the bag over his head to hang across his chest before slipping an arm around my shoulders, grinning down at me as we followed the other two inside.

Once in our apartment, he removed the arm while Rayne pulled some spare pillows and bed sheets from the closet, tossing them onto the longest couch for Lea. Then grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, she unscrewed the cap and held her drink up high. "A toast! To Lea's sleepover! May it be the first of many!" she declared before tossing her head back to chug half the bottle.

Riku just snerked, shaking his head while Lea scratched his cheek with a weak chuckle and walked over to drop his bag on the sofa next to the blankets. I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing my fingers between my eyebrows with a soft sigh. Still, she had a point. I suppose it was only natural for my "boyfriend" to stay the night with some amount of frequency. Oh gosh, I hope this wouldn't be too much of an imposition on Lea.

As Rayne recapped the water bottle and put it down on the kitchen table, Riku stepped up to her, taking both her hands in his and pressing their foreheads together. "Hon, why don't we head to bed early tonight?" he asked, tone low and eyes hooded.

"Mmm," she breathed him in, smiling up at him through lowered lashes and nodding, "sounds good." As he pulled her towards their bedroom, Rayne glanced back at us. "Good night, you two! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she winked and waved before disappearing through the door, closing it behind her.

Silence followed. It felt strangely sudden and almost deafening.

I slowly turned to look at Lea.

He looked back, giving me a tiny smile.

That's when it struck me.

This was the first time in two full days I'd been alone with Lea. Like, really alone. Not in public, not where we had to put on the boyfriend-girlfriend act. Even when it'd just been the two of us in his car earlier tonight, even then we'd still had kind of been in the relative safety of pretend date mode. Besides, driving around in a car was completely different from being alone with him here, now, in my apartment late at night. Now that there was no more reason for all the hand holding, forehead kisses, and other little touches, things felt… well I wouldn't exactly say wrong per se, but more felt just kind of… off?

Panic was beginning to set in.

My mind was drawing a total blank.

I… didn't know how to be around him now. Not when we didn't have to fake a relationship anymore.

I'd forgotten how to act normal.

I think he could sense it too. The weirdness that had suddenly popped up out of nowhere. His eyebrows knit together, his gaze shifting about for a couple seconds. Then he opened his mouth to say something.

"Good night!" I loudly blurted out first.

Then I was in my bedroom so fast, you would have thought I'd spontaneously developed the power to teleport.

I slammed the door shut behind me, pressing my spine flat to it, eyes wide and taking shallow breaths through my nose. A few seconds passed where I just forced myself to inhale and exhale slowly a few times, trying to calm down. Then I winced, lightly banging the back of my head against the door.

Good job, Elsa. Way to make things mildly awkward. And for no real reason at all, you useless, hermitic dope!

With a small scowl, I shrugged out of the leather jacket and tossed it onto my bed. Then I unzipped my ankle boots, kicking them off and started pacing the length of my room back and forth, my hands twisting at my braid.

I couldn't just leave things like that. I had to talk to him. I had to toughen up and find an excuse to march my butt back out there. But what excuse?

My feet paused mid step as I glanced around my room for a minute before landing on one of my walls. Not just any wall. The one I shared with Riku's and Rayne's bedroom. Then I lightly tapped one fist into my palm. That's it! I quickly moved to my nightstand, opening the top drawer. Amongst its contents was a plastic baggie of earplugs. Digging out a pair and dropping the bag back into the drawer before closing it again, I then stepped over to my door. I took a second to take a deep breath and gather myself, standing up straighter and flicking my braid back behind me. Then with a firm, determined nod, I turned the knob and pulled, walking back out into the living room.

Lea was sitting on the couch that would be doubling for his bed tonight, arms splayed out wide to either side atop its backrest while he read the textbook that laid open in his lap. He'd pulled his hair out of its ponytail so his crimson locks were once again wild and free and he'd taken off his long-sleeved undershirt, now just wearing the tee.

Looking up at me, he all but leapt up to his feet. "El! Hi! I-" he grunted as the book he'd apparently forgotten was in his lap crashed down hard onto his foot.

I sucked in a tiny breath through my teeth with a frown, taking a step forward and reaching a hand out, "You okay?"

"Fine," he groaned. "I didn't need that toe anyway. It was only holding me back. Just dead weight." He laughed it off as he picked the textbook up off the floor, tossing it behind him onto the cushions before crossing his arms, "So, was there, ah… did you forget something?"

"Yes," I took a little step towards him, then frowned, glancing away. "Well, no…" I started to take a step back before catching myself. Wrong way, dork. "That is to say, sort of… er, I just...hm…" I thrust one fist forward, opening it palm facing up to reveal the earplugs, "Here!"

He stared down at them blankly. Then at me.

"Oh!" I gasped. "Right! Some sort of explanation would probably help." I gave a nervous heh. "So… uh… you know, those two," I gestured with my chin towards my roommates' bedroom door, "well, they just… the look they were giving each other before they went to bed, it's… well, it's a look I'm very familiar with from them. You know the look, the kind that should come with its own Marvin Gaye soundtrack. And those two… when they get going, they can really rattle the old headboard, if you know what I mean." A beat. Then I blanched. "Of course you know what I mean! Right, moving on. So uh… they are not quiet about it and they're definitely not quick. And these walls? They're thin. I'm talking like tissue paper thin. And not even the good Kleenex Deluxe kind of tissue, more like the cruddy, two-bit kind you'd get at the dollar store that just disintegrates if you even so much as breathe on it." Great, now I was just plain babbling. "These walls may as well not even be there for all the sound they block. Or rather, don't block. Then again, if they weren't there, then we'd not only hear but also see-" Wrap it up, girl, wrap it up. "A-Anyway! So just… just take these. You'll thank me later, believe me."

His eyes crinkled and he nodded, plucking them from my hand. "Alright, I'll take your word for it. Thanks."

Good. Okay. Yes, this was going well.

...huh. Though… slight hitch in the plan…

What now? I hadn't exactly thought this far ahead.

Maybe this was enough. I could now just make a graceful exit, leaving things in a better place than where I had previously. Yeah, that sounded good.

I gave him a tight-lipped grin, inching backwards as I pointed towards my room. "Okay then, I think I'll just…" But as I turned, my eyes landed on Rayne's and Riku's door again and I froze and grimaced. "Ah, shoot," I hissed under my breath.

"Problem?" I heard Lea ask behind me.

I shook my head, "I meant to ask Rayne to unzip my dress before she went to bed since the zipper is just where I can't reach and-" I blinked, then glanced over my shoulder at him sheepishly before fully turning to face him. "And why am I even telling you this? Forget I said anything. It's nothing, I'll figure it out."

"I can do it," he tossed the ear plugs onto the coffee table between us before stepping around it.

Waving my hands rapidly back and forth in front of me, I said, "No, it's fine. Really, you don't have to-"

"Don't be silly, just let me help you," he came to stop in front of me.

I tucked in my lower lip. Maybe I was just being silly about this. I mean, what was the big deal? Really? "...o-okay," I sighed, turning my back to him once more and sweeping my braid forward over one shoulder, running my hands down its length a few times. At least my old nemesis, The Blush, had the common courtesy to wait until I was no longer looking at Lea before creeping its way up into my cheeks.

I could sense him taking another step closer to me, could hear his gentle breathing as I felt his fingers undo the clasp at the top of the zipper. One of his fingertips incidentally grazed my skin and I couldn't stop a tiny shiver. Then there was a pause. Like… a long pause. I frowned straight ahead, uncertain. Nothing seemed to be happening. I turned my head slightly, stopping just short of actually being able to look back at him. "...everything okay?"

"Uh… yeah, the uh…" he cleared his throat, "...the stupid thing just got stuck for a sec there, but it's all good now." At last, the sound of the dress unzipping reached my ears. "There ya go, you're all set!"

My hand darted to clutch at the back of my dress, holding it together as I whipped around to face him. My blush? Only seemed to be growing in strength. I started backing away, "Th-thanks… for that. That was really… something. Nice! That was nice. Of you. To do that… for me. I-" I crashed into my door frame and stumbled. "Oops. Heh. Who put that there? Um… anyway…"

And on that eloquent and fully formed note, I dashed into my room, banging the door closed. Then I puffed out a breath, slumping down to sit on the floor as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

Great. Just dandy. I hadn't left things mildly awkward this time. Oh no, I'd only left them mega, ultra, super awkward now. Progress! Superb. Just perfect.

That's it. It's decided. I'm not fit for human contact. I was just going to barricade myself in this room and never come out ever again. Ever. Period. The outside world would be better off without me anyhow. Good bye, people. Hello, sweet sweet solitude. I-

I heard a muffled buzz and my head snapped up. It'd come from Lea's jacket on my bed. I squinted at it for a second. Then it clicked. My phone! I half crawled, half scrabbled over to it, digging into the pocket and pulling it out, swiping the screen.

There was a new text from Lea.

2nite was fun

I blinked, looking over at my door. Then back down at my phone, pursing my lips to one side. My thumbs hovered over the keyboard for a second. Then slowly I began to type.

I thought so too.

I waited as those three little dots hopped in a row.

We shud totes do it again sometime

A huff of amusement escaped through my nose, the tension starting to leave my body.

I'd really like that.

Then I tipped my head to one side, grinning slightly as I tapped away further.

I'm paying next time though.

The dots were dancing on my screen again.

Aight, if u insist. But b warned, Im not a cheap date

Now I actually laughed.

I can live with that.

Perhaps I'd been a bit too hasty. Maybe there was no need to barricade myself in here. Not just yet anyway. I'd hold off for a bit.

At least long enough to see what tomorrow would bring.

Author's Note: Anyone else notice Lea's shirts seem to be getting tighter and tighter every new excuse he has to see Elsa out of his work clothes? I think he's subconsciously putting on a courtship display to present himself as a sexually viable mate xD Ahem, moving on… Fun Fact 1: Fuente Del Oro is a real, Coco-themed restaurant over in Disneyland Park in Paris! Google translate says the name means "Gold Fountain", oooOOooo pretty! I really hope Coco makes it into one of the future KH games eventually! Fun Fact 2: Elsa's dress this chapter is inspired by her purple dress from when she sings Into The Unknown in Frozen 2! Just picture it shorter and more cocktail-dressy. And I know in the movie, that purple dress is a nightgown, but shhh, we'll just forget that part. And the dress Lea described in his "how we met" story? Loosely based on Elsa's Show Yourself dress - again just picture it shorter, more practical and more sundressy xD Also if you haven't heard of it, Before Sunrise is a real movie, not to mention a real SAPPY movie. Kind of slow, but cute. I'd actually never heard of it until I started writing this chapter - saw a gif go by on tumblr of the lead couple from the movie doing something adorable that made me go "oh gosh, that's SO Lea and Elsa!" and had to watch it xD I'm kind of happy it came along when it did though, cuz it gave me inspiration for Lea's "how we met" story :)

Next chapter, what new challenges will Elsa face in her adventures in fake dating? Will she ever be able to work up the courage to initiate a display of affection herself? Just how much of a "not a cheap date" is Lea really? What about his shirts? CAN they get any tighter? Stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

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[arthurflecksgirl]

Thank you for your answer! my request was abvout reader with low blood pressure, who often feels dizzy and weak, her breathing becomes shallow and quick, especially when she's standing up too quickly. She has to be careful because sometimes when it drops suddenly her vision gets blurred and she faints, so Arthur makes sure she dont hurt herlsef and is there to help her when that happens. I think you answered thatalready , but i dont know, maybe I imagined it. 😅

Here it is and I really, really hope you like it :)

Arthur helping reader with low blood pressure

"Hold still,darling. Otherwise the line gets all shaky". Arthur was sitting in his make up chair. Piles of face paint builded up on the big table, so many it was hard to find a specific one. He was getting ready ready for work. A kids birthday party. The little boys parents hired him after they saw him dancing out on the streets . They wanted him. Not any other clown at Hahas. Just him , the Doctor of laughter. Arthur felt more than flattered about that. ""Can you belive this Y/N?  They came up to me and asked me who I work for. And if they can hire me. To them it wasnt just about finding a random clown. they wanted Carnival!" you could tell how thrilled he was. "I`m so happy for you. Carnival deserves all the love and attention. He is the cutest. " Arthur moved in his chair "You think so?" "Of course. because you are!" He smiled. His lips haven`t been painted on by now. Not compleately. You started with the outlines "Artie, I can`t paint your lips when you keep talking." "Oh, I know. I know. I´m sorry. I will shut up right now." You chuckled because you didnt belived him. He was all bubbly and excited today and you could tell from his bouncing leg that it would be way more difficult to calm him down. You took the thin pencil and painted his thin lips. They looked so kissable. It was hard for him not to put a smile on his face,  while watching you trying to concentrate on his face. He loved this part. The corner of his mouth. Because he knew it would drive you crazy.  He just knew you had to fight the urge to kiss him. Especially on the fresh painted lips. When you first saw him in his clwon make up you compleately ruined it by kissing him so hard on the red lips, there was nothing left but a pink blurr. "Hey, wanna hear a joke?" his lips moved and the line was ruined. "Artie. Now the paint is all over your chin." "I dont mind. Do you wanna head it?" "Sure" "Knock knock" You wiped the lip paint off his chin. "Who`s there?" Arthur reached for a cigarette. How would he be able to smoke while you were doing his make up? "Deja" he smirked. "Deja who?" "Knock knock" You grabbed him by the nose "You`re my fave clown you know that, right?" "I hope so" he said, lighteining up his cig. "Arthur, baby. You can`t smoke while I am doing your make up." "I´m sorry hun, its just that....I am so nervous about this kids birthday. I wanna get it right today and I am still not sure which animal she prefers". "You mean the baloon`?" "Yeah" "Ask her then." "Yes maybe I will ask her parants if she is a cat or a dog kinda person" "Sounds like a plan. " you replied, hoping he would sit still for a minute as you took the brush for the blue around his eyes "Close your eyes". He did so.  The smoke from his cig burned in your eyes as you tried to get the shape of the blue right. You loved doing his make up. It always felt like sharing the most intimate little moment together. His closed eyes right in front of you, his face waiting to be transformed. Arthur inhaled the smoke and leaned back as much as possible. "Have you seen my new card" he asked, pointing at the little thing beside the watercolors. "No I havent. Is it for Carni?" "Yeah. I want you to check it. Hoyt gave it to me and I kinda like it but I want you to know what you think." You put the brush beside for a minute and Arthur inhaled the smoke once again. The card has a little clown face on it. "Doctor of laughter Name : Doctor Arthur Laughology. Speciality: Baloons" You put it back on the table "Thats really cute. I like the Laughology thing on it". He put the rest of his cig in his pink ashtray "Yeah but shouldnt it say Dr. Carnival instead?" You continued to paint the blue around his eyes  "I guess so but still...I love the sound of Dr. Arthur." He chuckled, realizing that the line got all shaky again "I`m so sorry, I just cant sit still today." You shook your head as you wiped the shaky part off "Maybe I should bring you some cookies, so you finally stop moving around." "Thats was actually the plan behind it" he smirked. "I knew it. You really got a sweet tooth since you can eat more" Arthurs thick eyebrows twitched under the touch of the brush "I could eat your delicious, self made cookies all day long." "Or we do it differently. You only get the cookies when you manage to hold still." Arthur shrugged "You`re so mean". The triangles above his eyes were finished. "It didnt bother you to smear my make up by kissing the life out of me" re reminded you. You grabbed his nose "Thats because you taste so good I could eat you up" "Like a cookie?" "Exactly." You were just about to head to the other side of the room to get some new make up wipes that were lying on the other table, as suddenly the lines on his face got all blurry. But not because Arthur moved again. There was something wrong with your eye sight. Dizzyness overcame you within seconds and you had to support yourself on the table. "Is everything okay, Y/N?" Arthurs concerned voice sounded far away. "Oh....I`m not sure...I feel dizzy out of the sudden. Could be my low blood pressure again." Arthur stood up from his chair and supported you. He has seen this happening before. At first he felt helpless but now he knew what to do.

Your breathing changed and became very shallow and quick. “Breathe darling, i`m here for you. i´m right here. remember how you teached me to breathe when I couldnt stop laughing?” You nodded. “Do the same for me now, okay?”

You tried. And somehow his soft voice always knew how to calm you down when you started to get nervous. His voice was the only thing that held you back from fainting. You tried to concentrate on every word that escaped his lips.

"C`mon , we`ll get you a big glass of water. You need to drink something. " Arthur helped you to walk into the kitschen with him and mixed you a glass of water with some juice "This should help. We`ll get you under the shower. An alterning shower will make you feel better, hun. " He took tugged you under his arm to make sure you wouldnt hurt yourself by falling over. Your hands felt cold against his warm skin. "Arthur, I feel so weak...I think i`m about to faint again...." "I know, sweetheart. I`m gonna take care of it, okay. You will not faint. And if you do, I´ll be here to catch you. " he watched every step you made, so your knees wouuldnt give in  without him noticing.  You drank the sweet water and waited for the dizziness to fade. Arthur stoke your hair gently as you asked for another one "Sure, anything for my love" he handed you another glass. This time with more juice than water, his eyes filled with love and concern as he watched you drink it down. "Your hands are so cold" he said as he put your left hand to his lips to kiss it softly. "C`mon, we`re gonna have to get your blood pressure up". Artie picked you up and carried you into the bathroom before he helped you out of your clothes. "Arms up" he said  and helped you to pull your shirt over your head. He gently opened your bra, but not without looking at you like you were the most beautiful creature he has every seen with his own eyes. The dizzyness came back in waves as you got out of your pants an underwear. Arthur noticed immediately and took you in his warm embrace. You felt his yellow vest on your naked skin. Everything about him was so real. Which was  kinda ironic, because often the world didnt felt real to him at all. Sometimes he coudnt even feel himself as  someone who truly existed. But to you, he was the realest person you have ever met in you whole life. To you he made everythng more real. The world, yourself, life itself. Arthur placed you gently into the bathtub and made sure you sat comfy enough to let him shower you. He switched between warm and cold water, which helped with the low blood pressure. He took the soft sponge and caressed your skin with it, which helped you relax a lot. Sometimes you wonedred how on earth you deserved someone so caring and pure like Arthur. The nervous feeling inside of you seemed to fade under the touch of the sponge. Your hands and feet didnt felt as cold anymore. But it was still a bit hard to concentrate. "Are you feeling better, sweetheart?" you asked you, while he washed away the tension. "A lot better, Artie. Thank you for taking care of me.You`re the sweetest soul." A curl fell to his forehead as he smiled. His face paint still unfinished. "Now you`re going to be late for the little boys birthday. I fel so bad about that. We didnt even finished your make up yet". Arthur changed the temperature to warm again and let the water rinse your hair. "Oh dont worry about that. I will make it there just in time. We still have an hour left. " Arthur helped you out of the bathtub and handed you his coziest bathrobe. The soft ness of it felt like a warm hug as you sat down on the couch. Arthur turned arond  after he reached down his brown paper bag "Hey, wanna help me do some baloon animals? It might distract you from....you know.." He grabbed one of the baloons and created a small heart for you. And the moment he handed you the baloon , smiling at you from cheek to cheek, you knew that he will be on your side forever.

[monsta-sextories]

Poolside- 10

Son Hyunwoo

word count: 1868

🎧 Notion- Tash Sultana

You’re dressed in a typical looking summer dress. It’s a pale yellow that compliments the new tone of your skin from all those days out in the sun. It feels like summer is nearing the end, even though it’s not. Just the good part… the best part. You look at your hair in the mirror, your mother will probably comment on needing a trim but that’s okay. Your nails could use a manicure, sure. None of that had mattered these last weeks.

You check your phone once again for the time and decide to leave it behind in your bedroom. As you make your way down the steps you avoid looking in the direction of the small library- your sanctuary. Your temple of hope… and the dreams that had been blooming just a few days ago. It makes your stomach uneasy.

You make your way through the quiet house and notice a few people finishing up the last bit of work. Looking for the smallest details to be buffed. It makes you sigh, and it feels like your body gets ten pounds heavier.

Down the hallways and to the large front doors, you walk and shed the last bits of memories. The last bit of feeling you had left. Its easier to abandon it.

Your parents should be here any moment. So you open the front door, leave it open, wide open. And you sit down in the entry way, resting your head against the door frame. A few moments go by unbothered. You suppose it will be a nice welcoming gesture when they’re chauffeured up the drive way. They will see you waiting for them and they might be surprised… but they won’t notice the left over tears lining your face. Or maybe they will… and in their self absorption they will surely mistake it for happiness to see them… relief to have them back. Something absurd.

So when the gates open, and you see the black recognizable car sail up the drive, you allow the tears to fall one by one, quietly and secretly before wiping them away and picking yourself up.

…

Dinner that night is treated like a celebration, or a gift. Your parents have Betsy prepare dinner and they talk and talk about their brief travels. You notice the glow of your mother’s skin, but there’s something unnatural about it, especially in comparison to your father’s. You assume she didn’t spend nearly as much time out in the sun as the tan would lead you to believe, but instead had a spray tan applied to fit in on whatever beach she had visited. You can see her now- large brimmed hat, sunglasses, drink in hand as she sits somewhere shaded fanning herself from the “terrible heat.”

Despite that, she has sweeter stories to tell than your father who seems to be unhappy about the entirety of the whole vacation.

The patio was swept and hosed down and you insisted on eating outside tonight. It was your idea to suggest Betsy make extra food for everyone else to be able to enjoy. This meant of course, Hyunwoo, Betsy, George, and whoever stuck around this late could relax a bit and take a second to suck up to your parents for their generosity and mention how nice it was to have them back.

“So,” your mother began noticing the way your eyes would drift in the direction of the guest house waiting your Hyunwoo to appear. “How has Hyunwoo liked his stay so far?”

Her honey voice and narrowed eyes were a mere insinuation, but not a direct one.

“I think he says how much he appreciates it at least three times a day. He doesn’t think he deserves it, but I personally believe I’ve never seen the yard look better.”

Your father nods in approval and your mother’s lips purse just enough to hide her accusatory smile.

“He has a gift,” your father grunts, but there’s something dismissive about it.

“Its nice that he’s about your age. I’m sure that helped, having someone to talk to while we were away.” In contrast to her demeanor she was snake like, intuitive, and quick to judge.

“Yeah, I believe he might almost consider me a friend,” you say hoping that Betsy delivers the food soon. You take a sip of your wine glass, swirling it around out of boredom but also anticipation. Hyunwoo surely will stop by, if anything to say hello.

“I think he’s very attractive,” your mother goads with a lift in her brows. Your father looks at her approvingly.

“Don’t you start,” he huffs.

Just before the conversation can progress you watch as Betsy carries out a roasting pan with a steaming chicken, browned and seasoned. Your mouth waters at the sight alone, but the smell is strong full of flavor.

“Betsy this is absolutely amazing!” your mother coos as she places it on the table and begins to cut it. You’re so distracted that you don’t notice the quiet footsteps approach behind you until Betsy speaks.

“Ah, Hyunwoo, why don’t you help be bring out the rest of the dishes.”

You turn your head to see him wearing a short sleeve button down, clean and neat. His khaki shorts wrinkle free as if he had planned to impress tonight.

“I’ll help too,” you say jumping to your feet. He briefly glances in your direction.

“Nice to see you again, hope you enjoyed your trip,” Hyunwoo says with a smile directed at your parents. Your mom looks at him with a wide grin, and your father responds pleasantly reaching out a hand to shake.

“Ah, we wont get into it just yet. But, my, the work you’ve done out here is absolutely spectacular.”

You don’t wait to hear the rest, but instead make your way into the kitchen and wait for Hyunwoo to follow. When he steps inside, expression softening from the praise, he looks at you.

“That’s a nice dress,” is all he says.

“Thank you,” you say nervously as you pick up a dish off of the counter. You don’t move until he’s there as well doing the same.

“You look nice as well,” you say. Because he does. He always does.

He responds with a curt smile and takes his dish and begins to walk away, you hesitate, wanting to say something, but he’s already strides ahead of you.

…

Dinner goes smoothly. Hyunwoo sits across form you next to your father, and you notice how your mother watches each time you look in his direction. They talk, hyunwoo politely listening with brief interjections of agreement or questions. Your father rants about business, and the economy. Your mother sits quietly, eating… occasionally rolling her eyes and only speaking up when she disagrees with your father.

You aren’t paying close attention to notice when exactly it gets brought up, but you notice the moment both of your parents eyes land on you.

“Cooking? She can’t cook” you hear your father snort.

“Where did you learn to cook?” your mother asks looking at you in amazement.

You look at them both, over to Betsy and then back at Hyunwoo.

“Uh, I’ve watched Betsy,” you say with a shrug.

“It was delicious,” Hyunwoo compliments casually, with a slight awkward smile. The shock on your parents face is annoying to say the least, and Hyunwoo must pick up on it because he gracefully switches their attention towards the hedges, asking for their opinions on the additional height.

Afterwards you notice a slight apologetic look from Hyunwoo, and a rather distrustful one from your mother, as if whatever suspicions she had have been proved true.

Not long after, the conversation begins to slow and Hyunwoo is first to excuse himself. Its not too much later that its just you sitting across from your parents with a pit in your gut as you cant manage to finish your plate.

“So, you’re a cook now?” your mother begins, “that doesn’t sound like you.”

You look up at her, noticing the way your father seems to mimic her curiosity.

“I got bored, like you anticipated,” you answer raising an eyebrow.

“Hyunwoo seems to enjoy it,” she says with a slight challenge.

“He’s just being polite,” you say tightening your jaw just a bit.

“That he is,” your mother says a bit softly. “he’s a very nice young man.”

Your father looks over at her, a question on his face.

“What’s your point?” you ask trying to remain amicable.

Your mom shrugs, “there isn’t one. Just an observation.”

“His parents also aren’t millionaires, and he didn’t graduate from an Ivy League school. I’m sure you’ve already observed that.” You let a bit of bitterness leak into your words, and your father is first to respond.

“What does that matter to us?” He says, showcasing his offense.

You only roll your eyes, and your mom keeps quiet for a moment.

“He’s a very nice young man,” your other says with a sigh. It sounds like realization, it gives you a weird sliver of hope. Like maybe… they really do think he’s great.

“And it is too bad he’s less fortunate than us, but we can’t continue to pity him,” your mother adds. The words strike fire in you, because… pity? She thinks this is all for pity?

Your father nods in agreement. “yes, dear, I enjoy his work but cooking for him? Cleaning out a guest house? the… charges on your credit card?”

Your throat tightens. You forgot about the purchases you made at all of the male clothing stores…

“That’s not.. its not… not like that…” you stammer out.

“So what is it like then?” your mother asks with a serious expression.

“you said it yourself,” you say shyly, “he’s just a really great… worker.”

You finish the words the safest way possible. The only way you know how to. the only way that would make sense.

“Yes and we pay him for that. It’s unprofessional to give him special treatment just because you might fancy his appearance,” your father says with a roll of his eyes

“its not about his appearance,” you say quickly, “i… I enjoy his company. We get along.”

“You don’t have anything in common,” your mother charges immediately.

“Well, I’d like to!” you say with a quick flare of your temper. “He’s hardworking, smart, funny, kind… he’s… he’s-“

“what are you saying?” your father interjects, face red.

You think for a moment… you try to relax. You remind yourself it doesn’t have to go there, nothing good will come of this. But, instead you remember all the time you spent together. all the feelings that you had suppressed out of fear, and here they were face to face ready to fight.

“I’m saying, I think….” You look at both of your parents mustering the confidence you have. Its then you notice Betsy peeking out of the back door. Her eyes are wide, mouth open… but you can see the excitement in her surprise. She’s been listening, and she gives you a look of amazement , which is enough to push the last sentence out.

“I’m saying I think I’d like to start seeing him.”

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[mx-in-words]

Monsta x reacting to their babies being born.

Hi! I would like to request Monsta X reacting to their pregnant S/O getting into labour. I just think they'll be great parents someday - anoun. 

↬ Shownu

a lost bear 

I can see you sitting on the couch with him watching a movie.

then you felt a small cramp, maybe you were hungry? 

you: oh I just ate and I am hungry again. That’s weird.

sh: maybe because you're eating for two?

you: yes mayb- ,,, OH SHIT BABY I THINK I AM GETTING IN LABOUR

sh:  :0 !!!!! OK LET'S GO 

he would be lost but needs to act OMG HIS BABY!! 

HE DRIVES LIKE A CRAZY 

when you both went to your hospital, your doctor was ready waiting for you and shownu. 

will hold your hands all the time. 

calls kihyun to warn everyone else, including his family. 

will cry when seeing your baby in your arms. 

*heart eyes shownu seeing his little baby holds his hands with such small fingers*

sh: I can't believe this is happening, it’s a dream. I love you both. 

will be overprotective about the boys holding his baby ESPECIALLY MINHYUK. 

jh: omg I have a brother/sister 

sh: I am only *your baby's name* dad now jooheon. 

mx: :( we lost our father. 

a sweet with you. will do ANYTHING you ask. 

will freak out about being a good parent.

you: you took care of seven boys, you will do great honey. 

sh: :3 thanks, baby!!! 

soft for his kid I think shownu may explode of love??

↬Wonho 

I am SO SOFT FOR MX HELP

YOU: HOSEOK I WANT THIS BABY OUT!

wh: honey, what can I even do? It was supposed to born a week ago but I guess your belly is better :)

you: ugh I love you but istg 

tried everything

in the middle of the night, you felt something. When you got up, your water purse broke and you called wonho. 

you: HONEY WAKE UP MY WATER BROKE 

WH: O M G 

picked all your things, he had already done your bag. 

called the boys in the way, driving

since you started to push, he was already crying while trying to film the scene. 

we actually sobbed when the baby was out, crying. 

doctor: congratulations on your healthy ( the sex of the baby)

wh: *crying so fucking hard *

will literally die if anyone holds your baby 

like your mom it’s holding the little person and he is like 

wh: okay 3 seconds holding now give it to me

will take so many pictures of you and the baby

literally so worried about you. 

wh: do you want me to kick everyone out of the room so you can rest? do you want to eat something out of the hospital? ANYTHING???

you: baby what no- I am fineee!!!

wh: okay okay

so proud of his family he can’t even breath 

will protect you and the baby of EVERYTHING

↬Minhyuk

already knew the possible date of the delivery, so he stayed with you the whole week.

every five minutes asking you if you feel anything

mh: how about now? anything?

you: no baby, nothing yet *rolling eyes*

mh: just checking love u 

you were eating dinner with him while watching knowing brothers than you felt a little pain. 

when you got up, your water broke and minhyuk started to scream.

mh: I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER LET’S GO Y/N

RUN THE FUCK UP TO THE HOSPITAL

mh calling his mom: MOM MY BABY IS COMING COME TO THE HOSPITAL AND BRING CANDYS 

his mom: OMG OMG OKAY HONEY BUT WHY CANDIES

mh: I need candies in stressful moments mom

you: are you for real right now? I WANT SOME TOO OMMA

will take care of everything for you in the hospital 

holding your hand

that puppy smile 

kiss your forehead before the labour starts

mh: I love you and this is the best moment of my life.

EVERYONE CAN PICK HIS BABY 

101% about you and the baby

you: you look so happy, baby

mh: of course I am, my dream is being a father and having a family with who I love, in the case, you. 

mx: eww 

sh: when did my kid become this man??? 

you: shhh let him enjoy pls

mh: *holding the baby and looking at them with the most lovely expression ever *

↬Kihyun

this boy is so precious ughhhh

packing things for the hospital for mouths 

ACTUALLY MADE A LIST FOR THIS MOMENT

let everything in the car 

buT 

schedule calls him

he was at the end of an interview when you called

you: baby is happening, my mom is riding me to the hospital, I see you there. 

kh: what- I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER HURRY SHOWNU GIVE ME THE KEYS. 

SWEATING LIKE HELL 

he cannot miss this, camera on point. 

found your room and the labour hadn’t started yet

kh: fuck you scared me 

you: yeah I LOVE YOU TOO

kh: OF COURSE I LOVE YOU WE ARE HAVING A BABY omg relax honey how are you? feeling pain? 

calling your family 

will film the whole labour 

cry only when it’s over, hugging the boys.

jh: men you're crying

kh: I just released I am a father now jooheon can u let me?

takes a lot of pictures of you and the baby

ask everyone to not visit you two because you need to rest

anyone cant touch you or the baby if doesn’t wash the hands TWICE 

EVEN HIS MOTHER

sings to the baby when you're tired 

helping you all the time

he stays with you in the hospital until you can leave 

makes sure to tell you how much he loves you and is proud of his family

will say that you look fantastic as a mother and your little belly is sexy

can I buy myself this man? I love him

↬Hyungwon

you are at a dinner with the boys 

everything looks great

then you felt something

it’s pain 

hw: everything okay sugar?

you: hm no...

kh: oh she’s having the baby 

hw: NOW?

you: no,, next week,,, OF COURSE, IS NOW

run to the hospital

he is SHOOK

CAN'T THINK OF IT 

you: honey please move breath blink say something

hw: I GONNA BE A FATHEEER

mx: yeah now he is going to cry

hw: not yet.

only cries when he picks the baby in his arms for the first time 

was only the three of you in the room

hw: thank you for making me so happy y/n. They are so cute look this little legs!!!

you: worth it. 

your baby is so quiet 

stop crying in hyungwon’s arms 

hugs his parents so hard when they visit you both

hw: minhyuk can you be quieter my kid’s brain will explode you're so annoying 

kh: I have to agree 

mh: but he is SO CUTE!!!! 

you: looks like the father :) 

wh: hm no the baby is cute for real 

hw: I hate you all

will put koala’s clothes in the baby and post in twitter for monbebes to see.

treats you like a queen 

so worried about you 

hw: please eat well. Drink water, honey. PLEASE 

such a sweet

a little sad because he knows he won't sleep in some mouths

but so happy that he loves his family more than sleep 

↬Jooheon 

Can’t wait to see the baby

Keep asking you when he will get to see his son.

you: oh idk, do you want to put your head up down here and look inside?

jh: son,,, you’re making your mommy angry you know * pouts*

Literally buys u anything you want.

Prefer to says that he is pregnant too

jh: I having desires for guacamole

you: baby you’re not pregnant, I am.

ck: I am what I am man.

Wjdnjsjdjsnsje SORRY I JUST

kh: please y/n just push out this kid I can’t take this anymore.

you: honestly… I WISH BUT THIS LITTLE SHI- OH

Then your water broke

You felt something was up to

You’re having a baby

jh and mh: YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jooheon, changkyun and minhyuk singing a rap about honey being a father

Something like BABY IN THE WAY JOOHEON AS A DAD THAT’S WHAT I SAY D A D D Y STARTING A FA MI LY

you: goshhh why

At the moment the Labour is about to start, he holds your hand and kisses your forehead

jh: I am so thankful for this moment, I will finally have the two loves of my life right by my side.

You both crying holding the baby.

Would make sure everything looks fine, don’t want you to get worried.

Asks shownu to buy your favourite chocolate just because

kh: y/n is sleeping man, gosh they are so little, how does it feel to have such a small person?

jh: it's my little angel, it feels like a blessed man, I can’t stop smiling LOOK THIS LITTLE FINGERS

Gets so emotional because his kiddo is his life now

jh: look!!!!! * shows you your baby*

you: it’s this a bee costume in our two days old baby????? ARE THOSE NIKES SHOES FOR BABY’S?

jh: lil baby has styyyle

Will watch you and the baby sleeping and think about how he wants to be the best person for you two

Wants to dedicate himself totally for the family from now on

Already planning the Disney trip for the family.

↬Changkyun 

so yeah he’s scared af

but shhhh don’t tell no one

cause he’s cool ;)

was actually on the supermarket to buy you something weird at 3am

what a husband huh

want your favorite chocolate or maybe Arabic food? i’ts okay he gets it.

theemmm you called saying that 

the baby is coming

he FROZE

sweating but trying to keep it down

holds your hand all the time like, literally 

ck: can I cry? omg I am going to be a dad!!!!!!!

you: you didn't even saw the baby yet slow down honey

ck: what if I am suck at parenting?

you: oh you’re gonna be fine, we’re a family and i’ts impossible to not love you, so your baby will love you too.

ck: *smiling incrediable happy and them start crying*

ask shownu some advices

ask jooheon to calm him with crackhead jokes

ask kihyun to help him with BEING AN ADULT

ask hyungwon to... even come bc honestly is he sleeping?

don’t show to you how worried he is

can’t stop looking at your baby and how much he is in love with them.

will keep his eyes on you ALL THE TIME

actually cries in front of you because he wants you to rest 

ck: I can hold the baby y/n pleaaase rest.

you: changkyun I AM BREASTFEEDING slow down

ck: oh okay...

you: Baby, we will do fine. Just relax! I trust you, so trust in me too okay?

ck: yeah you’re right. Do you need anything?

you: yeah, a kiss and a kiss in the baby. 

* changkyun heart cant take it this scene is so cute omg*

he actually helps WITH EVERYTHING

the hospital bills, the baby's clothes and your stuff

dad material 

already checking the bests schools and all the baby's future

How To Be a Liberal Father GOOGLE SEARCH

loves his family with everything he has. 

sooooooo thank you for the request!!! My requests are open!! hope you guys like it <3 

[swampgallows]

...

my symptoms fluctuate so much that it’s really exhausting to even try to keep track of. i still haven’t slept very much and can only sleep in blocks of maybe 4 hours at a time, which I don’t like at all. and it’s not like 4 hours on/off, it’s like 4 hours and then up for 18, and then 2 hours here, then up for 6 more hours, then grab another 4 hours... it’s a mess

i’m trying to find ways to calm down and get rest but my mind still feels incredibly vigilant before it just gives way to fatigue, rather than becoming drowsy and falling asleep and becoming rested. 

i was previously up for about 24 hours before taking a nap for maybe 3 hours, then falling asleep again around 2 or 3am. today i woke up around 5 or 6am (so just a few hours of sleep) and took half of a xanax, then started reading a book to avoid looking at screens. my right eye has been bothering me as a whole and i think worrying about scheduling an eye appointment is the next thing on my mind. i’m sure everything is fine and it’s just me really getting down to the wire on getting a new pair of glasses/prescription but things like the migraines, the pressure behind my eyes, the throbbing, and the light/rainbow flashes when my eyes are closed makes me nervous. i just don’t want to lose my vision or do permanent damage.

i have to keep telling myself that it’s not the worst case scenario because the roadblock of time is becoming inevitable. and now i feel terrible because both of my parents have terrible colds and my mom has been having to ferry me back n forth to the hospital because i dont feel coordinated enough in my own body to drive, and i haven’t been active enough to know if i might have dizzy spells. so the more appointments i need to make, the more i have to be driven back n forth. i mean i could lyft but like. i dont really wanna get into the car w a stranger after something like a MRI lol

ultimately, it goes like this:

1. wait for spinal MRI results 2. once MRI results are in, discuss with both PCP and neurologist and go from there. 3. regardless of results, I still need new glasses and should see an ophthalmologist to check out my eyes, and then an optometrist to check out my vision. i got my vision checked last year but i honestly do not trust that facility anymore lmao. but if the MRI results have any bearing on vision issues that’s good to know before going in. 4. somewhere amidst all of this, i need to keep tabs with the mental health people and beat the shit out of them until i get assigned a therapist. the stress of everything is slowly taking over me and, if my physical state is any testament, is crumbling me to bits. i would definitely say i’m having a mental health crisis right now and i sincerely need to get some fucking care already. and, if i had to be forthcoming, i’d refer to my experiences at the county facility to be genuine malpractice and in fact harmful, and therefore only increasing the severity of my situation. that is, their “care” was so mismanaged and poor that it was a further hazard to my mental health. i would say it was the breaking point that resulted in my current crisis. bluntly, they fucked up so bad that shit put me in the fucking ER. 5. i also need to call the dentist sometime this week and schedule an appt with the primary dentist. the last 3 major fillings i got are unbearably sensitive, which makes it hard to eat, drink water, or even suck in air, so i dont want that other dentist working on me anymore. i want all my procedures to be done by the primary dentist from now on. my teeth are too fucked up to be guinea pigs or suffer any more shoddy work.

goals:

1. physical therapy 2. reduce anxiety through therapy and exercise (after physical therapy) 3. new glasses 4. fix teeth. again. forever 5. get back to baseline. ive fallen beyond rock bottom and i need to focus on physical and mental stability before i get wrapped up in trying to get a job again or moving out or anything else like that. right now i can barely stand upright or see clearly out of both eyes; i cant keep compounding my guilt and anxiety about my lack of independence when it’s physically incapacitating me like this. 

complaining here because i cant put it anywhere else. i’m not even 30 yet and i’m already falling apart.