#i cant tell what difficulty level im making this

[despazito]

making a little uquiz for the bird nerds

[steampoweredskeleton]

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Ignore

[ndoandou]

If the ikevamp boys played modern games

I wrote this almost a year ago so apologies for any mistakes etc 😭

Leonardo - Minecraft

He would create the most unreasonable, complicated, redstone mechanism

Would recreate the monalisa in minecraft

Hes not a fan of mining but he loves travelling

his eyes lit up when he comes across some kind of structure

Occasionally he would get isaac to play on multiplayer

And of course, they will be on multiplayer only to create some redstone mechanism-

Isaac - Universe Sandbox

This boy has 2000+ hours bye-

He spends most of the time defying the laws of physics

He secretly LOVES defying the laws of physics

Would test out absurd things

Like crashing andromeda and milky way together

He feels cool after defying the laws of physics

And at the same time he felt as if he commited a crime with some of the things he tested, like making earth as big as the galaxy for no reason

And make an absurd amount of meteors hit the solar system

Shakespeare - Doki doki literature club

What can i say?

A disturbing game full of young girls who are into literature

Let me tell you this, shakes will treat this game as if hes playing a casual visual novel

For example when yuri stabs herself, shakes would probably just chuckle softly and say "oh! How dramatic!"

The jumpscares and creepy moments makes him laugh and giggle. He sees it as something comedic

I mean what can u expect? We talkin bout shakes here

Mozart - Osu!

Mozart isn't into games

He just happen to stumble across dazai who was trying to play a 7☆ difficulty Osu!Mania map as a joke, while the others watched him

As expected, he failed within a few seconds

"Pathetic. How were you not able to see the notes coming?" Mozart spat

Everyone looked at mozart

"Ahh mozart-kun! Want to try and play this map?" Dazai asked

Mozart rolled his eyes

"Such a waste of time, but ill give it a go. What keys do i press?" Mozart asked

"You press DF and JK" dazai explained

Mozart pressed the hard map dazai was trying to play

When the notes started pouring down, mozart hit every single note perfectly

He ended up scoring an SSS

"There, as simple as that" mozart said as everyone looked at him as if he was crazy"

He actually starts finding the game addicting after playing some more

He also would try other game modes, but osu mania wouod be his favorite.

Dazai - pou

Pls he loves this game too much-

Im not joking, he would spend real money just to buy the shitty cosmetics and clothes

Treats the minigames seriously

This mans sweaty when it comes to sky jump 🥶🥶🥶

Would try and convince people to play pvp with him

Sebastian - Candy crush

You cant tell me that sebastian isn't at level 1000+

He might aswell be a candy crush e-sport player 💀💀💀💀💀

This man would have a mental breakdown if he ran out of moves in the game

Would write a whole essay on why candy crush is a superior game

Would try and get MC to play it which then she would give in

Arthur and theo - Resident Evil

Arthur would be doing most of the objectives ngl

Theo was kinda forced to play it but he slowly starts enjoying it

Theo is terrified half of the time

You can't tell me that theo doesn't scream like a highschool girl whenever he turns back only for a zombie to be right on his face

"AHHHH FUCK! ARTHUR GET IT OFF ME" theo screamed as he pressed space as fast as he could

Arthur would T bag as Theo gets attacked by a swarm of zombies

.

.

Ill do vincent, napoleon, jean, and momte next if u guys want

[weaselbug]

I kinda wanna talk about the mana games

at least the ones i have played

secret of mana

while this game is good, but holy crap. so many issues with it, namely magic spam, its almost impossible to beat some bosses without not letting them attack you at all. but ultimately a good game, can get annoying at times, and not really a game i would plan on playing again. worth your time, but only once. and the story isnt amazing, but the world is so wonderful that i love it anyway.

trials of mana (secret of mana 2 if you're like me, and a huge nerd)

this game is great! first things first, a 3 choices. what characters do you want! pick 3 out of 6. which most combos are very good. although I wouldn't recommend picking three magic users. but go ahead most of the game is pretty easy, although still with magic spam, there is less of it, and very easy to run out of mana.

then there are the jobs, which there are 3 levels to, the first one you just have. but then you get to choose between light and dark, which then goes to another choice between light and dark. and a game with 6 different characters all with 4 different ending power ups, this game is great.

although there are some parts where the difficulty spikes for some reason, expecially a boss with a human sized person where he just one shots all your squishys (if you have any)

there is one point where you are stranded on an island and have to interact with a random rock to progress, so watch out for that. and it kinda has a problem with you going "where the heck do i go" the remake fixes this, but in like, the worst way possible, still doesnt tell you where to go, but just gives you a way point on your mini map. i dont know which one is better.

storys ok. they are all your tipical affair, "go slay a dragon" or "go save the kingdom" or "go save your brother" but honestly, i think its ok that its story is nothing to write home about, its just enough to get you to care. and thats all that matters.

technical problems: two stats just, dont work. that being luck and dex, they are mostly useless exept for the ninja character. then they unlock their spells, but thats it. and crits never happen, ever. so one of the final jobs for one of the characters is completely useless and you probably shouldn't pick it.

the music and world is great, that is what mana strives on, the world and music.

adventure of mana (final fantasy adventure)

this game is pretty good, for a game boy game at least, first off, this game is hard, not in the "oh man i gotta try again, i almost had it!" hard, more of the "fricken dang it! this game is too hard!" and there is one part which is getting pretty regular in these games, where you have to circle a tree like 3-5 times in order to progress. or have to wear silver armor to get into a cave.

and it has a system where you can choose to wait and charge up your attack to do a big attack, which is really fun and i love it. all mana games have this in common. which is one of the reasons why i love them.

legend of mana

oh this one is great too*.

oh so so many choices to make, im a simple person, give me meaning or non meaning full choices to combat and i am a happy camper. and this one has no shortage of them. first, choose your gender/character. then pick where you want to have your world, (some parts you cant pick cause they dont have enough sea.) then your off. but then you can choose between 11 different weapon types, which i wont list off here lol.

then there's the pets, which are fun at first, then you find the asterisk, which that every single system has one. first off, they have made every system overly complicated and over all, useless. why should i make a new sword when the store bought one is just fine, AND i have to put all the ingredients IN ORDER to get the right sword, and you have no idea what that is without a guide.

you can place down the worlds the way you want to, which is fine on a first playthrough, but you will be locked out of content if you do your placements wrong. but i found it fun to just go through the game as i wanted to, then go with a guide. and the story is really well written. made me care for all or at least most of the characters, and the world and music are beutiful as all get out. even listening to the abandoned city makes me almost cry.

but over all, the game was designed with the idea that you would replay it a lot, which is a fun idea. rouge likes (hate that name btw) are a testiment to that. over all, great game. just with a few blemishes, that might be a little ugly but oh well, the whole thing is pretty good. i just wish the pets were more enphsised and all the systems were made more impactful and easyer to understand.

[gachapulls]

HERE

and because im crazy explanations below

POPIPA

kasumi: i think shes big on young justice in general so tim is her choice

tae: she a big bunny person as we know and i think she likes damian for his animal love

rimi: big fan of classic comics batgirl babs! but still wishes dc would move on from giving her batgirl in current comics

saaya: do you guys remember s1 of the anime . yeah . i think shed relate to dick just a wee bit

arisa: she does not care at all no kasumi shes not going to kindate timsteph with you

AGLOW

ran: she doesnt care/really know about batfam specifically . she likes the lanterns!

moca: she sees the loser in jason . and she loves the loser in jason <3

himari: she loves stephs 1st spoiler and batgirl eras! doesnt collect comics but has every issue from her batgirl run i know this

tomoe: ako made her watch btas with her so they could cosplay together LOL but then developed an actual liking to dicks character! she doesnt say it out loud but she loves discowing so much

tsugumi: shes not interested herself but she loves listening to her friends ramble about the characters :) <3

HAROHAPI

kokoro: grew up on the 60s show thats the only version of batman she know . also this is the michelle situation again she does NOT know bruce wayne is batman

kaoru: will go into long shakespearien analysis about his character and how troubled he is . idk man Someone had to like bruce as their favorite ok .

hagumi: one of those younger siblings that watched her older brother play videogames . but i think what really made her like dick was ttg . im sorry but cmon its hagumi

kanon: super surface level doesnt reeeeally care but she reads the webtoon for its lightheartedness and enjoys damian in it :) dont ask her about actual comics shell cry she only found out there was more than one robin like 3 days ago

misaki: her younger siblings made her watch batwheels LMAO but also i do think shes read some of her batgirl run and was like "woah comics arent as dumb as i thought"

PASUPARE

aya: sometimes girls just like other cool looking girls who are also cute is that so wrong? would maybe lowkey kin her too

hina: well canon to her character shes always looking for boppin things and i think duke is very boppin to her! his unique abilities and him being still relatively new makes for so much potential and shes really into that! she also really loved we are robin

chisato: oracle babs stan she is SO secret about it tho she finds it unprofessional in her position to like these things

maya: also oracle stan :) she likes all the techy aspects of her character and well green character like cmon . i think maya and chisato talk about her when theyre taking breaks during practice

eve: these damn kids with swords . yeah i think she loves the difficulty he has being from the two families hes from and how he deals with the weight . cried when his robin run was canceled (me too eve)

ROSELIA

yukina: you know her and cats . but i do think she really liked catwoman in batman 2022

sayo: had no interest until hina showed her some birds of prey comics . she just thinks helena is really cool and that jason fans are annoying LOL

lisa: big fan of the classic teen titans! i think dick is her second fav overall after donna

ako: ah we know this by now . biggest btas tim kinnie of all time no doubles doubles blocked on sight

rinko: okay this was so hard between cass and duke they are her two favs!!! but i can see her relating to cass a little more and for those reasons shed be rinkos fav :)

MORFONICA

mashiro: just isnt her type of thing but she watches intently when a batman movie comes on during their movie nights

touko: why ofc! she thinks batwoman is the coolest ever!

nanami: idk . you ask her why she likes jason and she just hits you with a :3 like its anyones guess at this point

tsukushi: again just doesnt care and she cant keep track of anything they tell her . "wait huh batmans parents are dead when did that happen" type question halfway into one of toukos rambles 😭

rui: i just know these things okay look at her... i dont think shes big on comics/cartoons so the pennyworth tv show is probably her reason for him being her fav

RAISE A SUILEN

rei: shed watch the dcau movies with tae and really enjoyed dicks character :)

rokka: waaay more into superfam but she enjoys damian after reading supersons :)

masuki: ITS NOT WHAT YOURE THINK . okay she likes jason as robin the most she thought he was cutesies and fun :) she also liked druglord villain type jason but thinks hes a total loser in recent years

pareo: hard to explain but i do think she sees parts of herself in dukes character and she really enjoys him for that :)

chu2: maybe im just tired from writing but if you kkow the two then you KNOW . shed read comics where damian is completely in the wrong like "why are they booing him hes right" 14 year olds will be kinnies ok

[echoesofadream]

speaking of meds i swear any doctor in the world would recommend me to go back on medication its so funny reading forums where people have quit ssris and their like ok im dealing with difficulties but at least my libido is back! life is so vibrant! im creative! i can have emotions i can cry again etc. for me its like actually my libido on meds was fine now however my libido is so fucking high its not even fun like basically sex addicted level high and thats not an overstatement its actually, unironically becoming a problem if it isnt already and the worst part is im not even having sex. and life was still vibrant on meds i could write better than now when i am living a version of my life where i am bad at literally everything and creating and learning is no longer fun or pleasurable. and i could still cry and feel emotions on meds. like still highly to overemotional. so imagine me now. in fact i think the meds make me a little bit more normal. i am so rageful like i have rage problems im so unplesant to be around its so bad i am becoming like my father im like a bomb about to blow up and im like this on meds too but this is so much worse but im so angry because i know this was me at 17 too but they put me on the meds and it numbed and IM SO SURE thats why im still mentally 17 when it comes to dealing with emotions. because i never got to learn it. just when i was learning it too or trying to at least but it didnt last because im worse than ever without the medication. i should have been given therapy and help etc why would they give me that at 17 because i said i was anxious?!?!?!?! i literally had one appointment with a doctor and they gave it to me. but im sure that literally any other contact would have led to me being put on meds as instantly because they prescribe it like candy. including to kids and i am so furious about it. yes i was so unwell but what if those people did their fucking jobs instead????? of selling drugs to make more money for the pharmaceutical industry?? or what?? i have tried and tried to quit this medication and anywhere i turn whether its my mom or psychiatry or doctor they tell me i should go back/stay on it. its like this fucking extortion used on me where i cant be allowed to struggle without it being used against me like this is my fault because i should just be medicating so that i still struggle inside and am just as unhappy and feel just as shitty inside but im not bothering people with it as much. or i actually cant feel it at all because im numbed to my own feelings. and btw i keep having these dreams about psychiatrists ive experienced, i wouldnt call them nightmares exactly, more like something disturbing that happened to me recurring in my dreams as my brain trying to work through it?

[gamestop-compendium]

Cat Frenzy (FUN UNIT, 2012)

:3

ah, cat frenzy. takes me back, this one does. originally sold on the dsi shop for 200 Nintendo Points (roughly 2 USD), Cat Frenzy is a match puzzle game where you slide rows or columns of cats to match 3 of them and clear them from the board. easy! you can only slide them left, right, or down, and you can push the cats out of the playboard. the stock button adds more cats to the board to work with, and once you run out of cats the game ends. there are also bonus cats! cats in cans that add 10 to the stock, cats with 2x multipliers that double the points you get from that match/chain, and cats with fish that clear every cat of that type on the board. nice way to make the game more interesting ...or at least, that's how it is in quick play. in mission mode you have to clear all the cats it tells you to, increasing in difficulty over time. most of the missions consist of "get a chain of [x] with [y] amount of moves" with different twists, such as rocks on the board or certain patterns of cats you have to work with

i played SO MUCH cat frenzy when i was a tadpole. like SOOOOO MUCH. it still holds up fairly well, but i will admit that it gets kinda boring after a while. its largely just the same type of thing over and over again. quick play is a fun diversion especially for car rides with nothing else to do, but not really for big road trips of the same nature. good tool for getting a baby frog addicted to puzzle games though! plus it has a save/load feature in quick play, which i think is pretty cool

the mission mode is pretty solid. i feel like id be better at the missions if it wasnt currently 2:25 AM as im writing this line. the first 8 serve as a tutorial for the game as a whole, and the other 40 are actual missions. unfortunately it is 2 in the morning. i cant get past mission 13 as of writing this, but honestly i sorta stopped trying. still a good mode! my brain is just drifting in and out of focus. whoops

the music is an odd beast. cat frenzy has a total of 2 songs -- one for the title screen and one for the gameplay -- and while theyre good, they can very easily get a little grating. theyre real catchy though! ive had the title screen song especially inscribed into my neurons for about a decade ...this is normally where id link to the ost or something, but from what ive seen nobodys ripped the music for this game yet. go figure. ill see what i can do about grabbing the 2 songs from this thing, but i havent done it before, so it might take a little while. stay tuned! (or dont, we advocate for free will and autonomy on this page)

the overall sound design, however, is somewhat lacking and bizarre. there are sounds for things -- moving cats, hitting buttons, etc. -- but i cant say that they make much sense. each type of cat meows differently when you tap it to move it! theres a drum hit when you match cats!! you get cute fanfare when you hit a new level in quick play/clear a mission!!! those are fun!!!!! but the buttons make weird and baffling sounds, most notably:

the stock button is a spring sound

the hint and retry buttons are squeaky toy sounds (same for the menu button in mission mode)

hitting the "to the main menu" button in mission select just makes a cartoon bonk-honk sound (zonk? whonk? idk what it would count as. very likely youve heard it before at some point in your life though)

the menu button in quick play makes a sound thats a mix between paper shuffling and cicada wings (paper cicada?)

the main menu buttons make a weird kinda cork squeak-esque sound i cant describe and, most importantly,

hitting all the other buttons makes a sound i can only possibly transcribe as a swift and soft (squeedle-eek!) noise its confusing. some of these are only tangentially cat related, but most are just completely unrelated to anything in the game. whats the deal here????? did they just buy a buncha stock sounds for this game? so strange to me. regardless, the sound design just isnt all that good. these sounds are funny at first but eventually even the meows become incessant and droning. the best way to get the idea of the kind of experience it is would be to play it yourself. there's very little gameplay of this game online, and what we do have is either mostly silenced in lieu of an admittedly pretty cool song that nonetheless appears nowhere in the game or has about the same video quality as a stick of celery

i will note -- i dont fucking know WHAT that image from the dsi shop page is. i completely wiped it from my memory over the years, but looking back that pink cat is probably why i even bought it. the official page and trailer also claimed these cats are "stuck in a well" and need rescuing, but the board is very clearly a house and these cats are clearly not in any sort of distress. what gives? the cats in-game are more than cute enough to be marketable to 2012 audiences! tell me why you did this, fun unit! i need to know!

overall rating: 5.3 - It's Alright. cat frenzy is a cute little diversion. not the best, mind you, but it's good. it's serviceable. with some kinda-repetitive music and gameplay that starts getting stale in the same timeframe as an apple oxidizing once its cut, youre still better off playing it for the more boring stretches of time you encounter in your life. unless you have a kid who likes cats! it's damn good fun for anyone under 12, but slowly loses its luster every year afterwards. Do Play.

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

[viktoriakomova]

I don’t think Simone is really the GOAT like the media and her fans say. Her success is impressive but the only reason why she has all those medals is because there wasn’t much competition and because she chucks huge difficulty without crappy execution. So I don’t really think she’s the GOAT, she’s just successful and lucky.

i do think shes the greatest we've seen but i think the "dominance over contemporaries" metric is one that shouldnt be there to begin with. gymnastics is an individual sport, you cant control what anybody does, you can only control your own performance. it doesnt speak to simone's greatness that the AA field has been so weak in the past 2 quads. (like seriously the 2016 AA was simone and then aly and then everyone else in contention was making huge errors or generally weak. kyla won bronze in 2014 despite her whole body being held together with athletic tape. im not saying anyone could have seriously challenged her those years but looking at the margin of victory isnt really telling)

i also think its underrated how hard it is to compare gymnasts of eras past to this current age. i'd love to see what the romanians and soviets of the 80s could do on the current equipment and and an open ended scoring system and without paying mind to composition requirements. a lot of the most difficult tumbling elements done in those days are still being done and are still among the most difficult elements on floor (hello silivas anyone??). and conversely a gymnast like simone wouldnt have even made it to the international elite level if they had strictly judged compulsories and flexibility skills etc like they used to. theyre just very different versions of the same sport at this point

[bee-ingsofficial]

Donated anonymous essay, the author has difficulty with english grammar, so please, reading carefully without jumping to conclusions is advised]

"Nonhuman identity IS affected by systemic issues"

Nonhuman identities get pushed aside and get told that we cant claim oppression because laws arent made about us.

But im here to say that this is an incorrect and albeit irresponsible thing to think.

Oppression, yes , oppesssion and NOT just descrimination, do not exist in a vaccum. And laws against gender freedom, ND, disability , and mental health DO impact species identity.

While it may not be writen down, our systems have barred us in the form of redeculing our identity into "insanity" and oblivion. Ridicule to minimize the severity or seriousness of some identity or group, ie societally not being taken seriously, thus being shooed out of the serious positions for various reasons.

There are some differences in how oppression manifests, but its core goal is the same-- to keep a ceartain group in the shadows, not just segregate them.

Typical cis animals in society DO have a history of oppression, and in fact are the symbol of the worst types of oppression, so much so that the lack of humanity and animality have become the social archetype of being unworthy of offering rights.

Humans have degraded the archetype of the animal so much as they do not see themselves as animals, and use animality, the absence of the human, against minorities.

So when we transspecies beings, especially transspecies being born into minorities that are targets of being called "animals" and "not human" have to deal with the internalization that being an animal is bad, and should be rejected , because the culture we were assigned when we were born in human society has told that being an animal is degrading, unworthy and undesiravble and we should not become what our oppressors say is the bottom of the bin.

Unraveling that convoluted relationship with animality is an experience hightened especially if you are percieved as a minority in human society, whether you identify as that minority or not due to your species identity.

But this is not the only thing that can consider us in the spectrum of oppression. Transgender laws, although not targeted at us on paper. Can still hinder us at some level getting care, or applying for opportunities is we choose to live an out life.

We can be denied expression or fired because people against transgender identity isnt going to magically think we are not a threat and treat us differently because we are transspecies.

If we think we are safe because we are put out of view , we are not.

There is not much documentation of how society affects transspecies beings, and perhaps one would need to be out to feel it, and most of us ARE hiding. it looks like we can pass by undetected which is true sometiems, but if you poke ur paw out just enough ur treated like the other queer folk that get shit from bigots and societal systems, but our own flavour of "ok well treat you like animals then" Most of us are afraid jobs will be taken out of our reach, we will be harassed and i have very good reason based on my experience (which i will not say due to privacy and trauma concerns) that my life can be in danger from those who percieve me as a threat.

And i find it so irresponsivble that nonhumans on the internet have the audacity to tell a being that has the guts to say they believe they are oppressed because they are part of other oppressed minorities and find their experience of being nonhuman in the world similar. How dare you. A stranger on the internet, think you have the knowledge to make a conclusion that the trauma and difficulty this being went through and conclude it is not in any way similar to the experience of other marginalized identities they may be a part of, and even if you have crossed identities, and say to them, look, im nonbinary and nonhuman too and its not the same" you are going to sound like a person lucky enough to have never experienced what they did personally and think that that means it doesnt happen. To say "actually you arent oppressed. Oppression is when laws against you are pushed on you because thats the only way we know the govt or church has power over you." Is to say "i know u more than urself, stranger on the internet." that being is most probably skimming their experiences because no one should write their trauma saga with a system in society to prove they are oppressed to a stranger. No one wins anything for saying " im oppressed", especially on this hellsite as a nonhuman.

Intersectionality is so important to understand because no oppression is in a vaccum, What if ur non-neurotypical? some see their nonhumanity as Neurodiverse conditions, which, non-neurotypicals in general are agreed to be systemically oppressed.

By the time (some) laws are passed, the actions it reflects would have been happening as an unspoken rule for a long time. Does it matter if we are banned or shunned from an opportunity officially or not? is it only validly oppression when we are bannned and shunned when a paper says we are in a world riddled with unspoken systems that bar so many? If I call up a church with an active conversion therapy program right now, the church will have no problem accomodating me in conversion therapy amoung the gays and genderqueer, in my conservative state, even if theres no systems officially against us, theres nothing protecting me from the church taking me in. there are so few of us in the lime light, but i , an it/its, am just a nother vegetable in the soup of what the bigots are against. Official or not , systems like church are out of my control, who doesnt understand my species identity has power of over whether i make it, if i am out. in some way or another. And to be unaware of that, to think we only face individual prejudice and discrimination, is actually irrisponsible and arrogant of our judgment in the various transpecies and other nonhuman experience, and alienates fellow nonhumans for what? Some fake approval of outsiders?

[intersexfairy]

sorry if this has been asked already (i actually have bad reading comprehension, like literally the disability, so i probably missed it) but would you say any "severity" for lack of a better term of PCOS can be considered intersex? ive been trying to figure out if its "ok" for me to identify with intersex experiences (e.g. im afraid that my higher androgen levels could make it difficult for me to get access to HRT as a trans man, and i think logically that sounds like itd be an intersex experience but im not sure) and im just very confused because everyone seems to make it about physical appearance, but my PCOS hasnt caused significant hirsutism or anything like that (yet) so i dont "look intersex" and im worried that its like a requirement or something. sorry if what ive asked is offensive in any way i just cant find any information on this subject specifically

I wouldn't say anyone with PCOS can be intersex because not everyone with PCOS is going to have intersex experiences. But there is of course a range in "strength" of experiences.

These experiences can be appearance related, related to your perception of yourself, or how others have perceived and thus treates you - all in regard to not fulfilling the norm of the male & female sex categories due to how your body developed.

So, you don't need to necessarily look any certain way to be intersex. There are intersex people with medically recognized intersex variations who can pass as dyadic externally, so to speak, and their intersexness may be related to their internal workings (oftentimes this involves having/not having certain organs, though).

But the reason so much focus is on outward appearance is because that's the most inescapable part of our intersexness. People look at us and see our physical selves, and when our appearance doesn't conform to their ideals, it quickly becomes a point where we're marked as different.

Which, being marked as different in some way is a hallmark of intersex experience. It's the entire reason why the category of intersex people exists, because if we weren't seen as different, esp. in this negative light, there would be no need to separate us from perisex people.

I can't really say whether you're intersex or not, since I'm not you and don't know your story. Difficulty accessing medical care is common for us, though, and I don't think many of us would have a problem with you seeking support for that in our community regarding that whether you find that you're dyadic or not.

All I can suggest is to listen more to intersex experiences, reflect (more, i assume) on your past & present, and ask around if any intersex people have had a similar experience to whatever you realize may be intersex related.

For some of us, being intersex is a no-brainer, but for others, it can involve a lot of introspection as we try to tease apart the experiences we have that are "the norm" vs. the experiences we have that we thought were "the norm," but aren't.

When asking around though, typically it bugs us when people frame things as "am i intersex?" since, we normally cant tell you if you'd be considered intersex unless you like, had a more stark intersex experience (ex: diagnosis, surgery, forced hormones, have [x] feature you're "not supposed to have" etc.). It's better to ask "has anyone else experienced this?" and then explain that you're not sure if you're intersex, and are sharing this experience because of that.

[eijispumpkin]

I like rereading your stuff cus it's like "i hope to get to this point of writing or at least have this person say 'good job' if they were to ever come across something I write" and it's a very comforting feeling tbh.

Also, there is this one particular fic that i cant remember the name of (I looked it up it's "in the gloaming light") where its ash and eiji sitting in a tub together with a purple glittery bath bomb and theyre talking about their level of comfort (my way of saying sex bc Idk im dumb when it comes to describing intimacy) and then a while later it goes to eiji talking about how he was sexually assaulted and how he felt like he hasnt been through enough to talk about it and he feels as if his trauma wasnt as bad as ash's and it made me feel comforted because i have that feeling constantly. I also really like that you had eiji be trans. I have struggled with my gender for a while, being like "do i count if i havent struggled as badly as others? I like they/them and he/him pronouns but not she/her so do i identify as a guy? But i dont want to transition and go through more surgeries so does that make me fake or selfish? Do i count as trans if i just use they/them and I still like to wear feminine clothing sometimes?" So having eiji be trans is like "oh! I havent seen this before! I really like it!"

Aaahhh, i didnt mean to barf all over your ask box, i just like your writing. I also need to start the paper boats series, but have been so busy with school that i haven't been able to have a lot of time to my self except at night when im struggling to sleep.

Have a good night! Sorry again for my unnecessary rambling

~Oof-that-really-sucks-bro

ahhh omg... this is so soft and so sweet of you, i am SO happy i can provide you that sense of comfort in all these different ways <3

i also often struggle with feeling like my trauma wasn’t Bad Enough™ to still be traumatizing or to still give me difficulty. i also know several friends with trauma who feel the same way. i guess what this tells us is that feeling like it wasn’t Bad Enough is a characteristic of trauma, which in a way means that if you’re not convinced it was bad enough, it probably Was Pretty Bad. i don’t know if this thought is that comforting to you, but it personally helps me rationalize this particular worry!

as for The Genders, i hear you!!! firstly no amount of struggle is a necessary amount of the trans experience, and you can be any gender you want, with or without surgery or the desire for surgery! plenty of trans guys don’t want any surgery either. and boys who wear feminine clothes are still boys, so you’re totally valid to like them sometimes; clothing has no bearing on your gender <3 i personally don’t feel any strong gender feelings at all (i.e. i lean pretty agender most of the time) but i enjoy floral prints and cute dresses on occasion. u can wear whatever u want and trans ur gender as much as u want at the same time!

also i will make u chamomile tea before bed so u can sleep soundly, take your time and take care of yourself dear <3 none of the fics are going anywhere, it’s alright!!! ♥ 

[xerospaced]

So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

Weirdly... scary to know this is it's own thing I'm experiencing. Daunting. But also - I've been dealing with this my whole life. No exaggeration. Sometimes I have months where I'm clear. But I would say I experience at least half of any one of these given symptoms at any given time.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I will be able to move when I want to. Eat when I should. Pull myself away from my interests when I wish. Not lost untold time getting stuck repeating the same motion with no end goal. Urinate when my bladder is full rather than the last second where my body is right about to override my fuggen brain! Work when I want to work!

But the aggression. These past days. I put it down to PMS - I'm sure it's played it's part. But last weeks. The consistent agitation. The inability to perform any necessary task. Falling behind on my work. The absolutely NOTHING mood. But agitation gnawing away consistently.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

The ADHD that was only diagnosed last year, the likely undiagnosed ASD, also diagnosed last year was the autoimmune connective tissue disease. Major depressive disorder. Multiple forms of anxiety. The misdiagnosed bpd. And then IF WE REALLY HAVE TO let's add on the self-harm, failed suicide attempt(s), ostracisation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being literally left for dead, the plethora of hospitalizations as a child, childhood emotional neglect, abandonment, overlooked behavioural issues, teenage self-medicating, bullying, and fuggen MORE

I mean

Life

Is

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.

[blackmoldmp3]

ruminating on early education sorry

ok i was in grade 1 in the late 90s and we still had to learn how to tell time on analog clocks. and i remember i had extreme difficulty with this and i had to have extended 1 on 1 time with like teachers/educational assistants/whoever where they tried to make it stick. meanwhile im reading at the level of like. a 10 year old at least. and theyre giving me random books for higher grades bc its a rural catholic school ashd theres no specialized education streams of any kind ur all in the same room no matter what. and this highly visible gap between my understanding in math/numbers vs my understanding in Everything Else remained so i was like reading at like. a 7th grade level when i was in grade 2, i was rlly good in french, etc but i couldnt read a fucking clock to save my life and was daydreaming/zoning out constantly and also couldnt write in a straight line. i still cant do real multiplication or division beyond very simple stuff, even adding and subtracting takes more time than the average person, and by grade 2 i was already hardcore ignoring/procrastinating on homework. but no one noticed or like cared bc i was Extremely Good At Reading and standardized tests and was very quiet lmaooo anyway. i still cant read a clock or instinctually tell right from left. i have to trace circles in the air to remember whats clockwise v counterclockwise. somethings going on in my brain and idk what it is. dyscalculia and adhd probably

[veeranger]

 my thoughts on SPV3.2′s rendition of Halo CE’s second level: Halo, which i played about 30 minutes ago. 

please keep in mind these are my subjective opinions based on my single playthrough of the level on normal difficulty, and that i have nothing but respect for the obviously large amount of effort put into this mod by its creators.

i liked this one :)

as you may or may not know, halo (level 2) was where halo (the game) really opened up. level 1 was a lot of tight corridors and claustrophobic rooms, this was intentional game design to get you used to the controls and sandbox in a smaller controlled environment before level 2 drops you into this big open area and says go fucking get em. 

SPV3′s rendition of this level contains this feeling excellently, opening up the game in a big way and letting you run around large open areas even more so than the original. the new content in this mission comes in the form of a large open area with three towers guarded by a ton of enemies and turrets at each, and your objective in this area is to rescue three squads of marines from these towers. gameplay in this area is fun and tight, driving around in the warthog or the gungoose from halo 5 is a blast, just as fun as it should be. its classic halo vehicle combat.

this level’s new content doesnt end there though, there’s another area that’s even better. introducing wraiths very early, this area contains 3 of them all at once as well as a number of ghosts and ground troops for you to mow down. the area features a lot of forerunner structures including an interior area you have to advance up in to hijack an anti air wrath and use it to blow up some dropships. the whole encounter felt like halo at its best, i honestly could see this section right at home in halo 3. as a nice bonus there are plenty of extra hogs scattered all around and tons of marines to fill your seats if you lose a hog or a gunner. its cool to see so many friendly ai around a battlefield even if they didnt seem to be doing much most of the time and still cant drive warthogs due to ai limitations. which is a real shame because it really feels set up to be this huge vehicle battle but alas. 

the gauss hog makes a debut here as well, though it feels a bit powered down from its genuine article counterpart, and it doenst give you a chance to use it until after the vehicle vs vehicle combat is over, unless im dumb and missed it earlier. would not recommend bringing this thing into a battle against foot troops over the chaingun hog, your gunner doesnt seem to be a very good shot with it. still its fun that its in the game and im hoping it will get time to shine later.

as i discussed last time, eventually the new content feeds back into the original stuff, and the mission continues as normal from there, save for new enemies and such. this is where the level starts to drag but thats honestly probably because i dont actually like level 2 all that much anyway, like the normal version i mean. 

oh i also wanted to point out that enemy encounters seem larger on average which is nice, and walking through the battlefield with just like dozens of covenent bodies littering the place was pretty fuckin cool. 

also this mod added back in something from the old 1999 macworld demo back when halo was an RTS, fauna on installation 04! right from the second the level starts you’ll find these big toothed large dog sized animals in packs roaming around. usually theyre neutral and im not sure what set them off but i saw a bunch of them attacking and killing a brute squad which was fucking amazing to see so major props for putting that together. i was never hit by them and i couldnt tell if they were every trying to get me but i think some of them were running at my hog with murderous intent so, thats fun. very very excellent to see something like that added in. 

so bottom line this level was pretty damn good overall. hoping to see some more like it next time i play

[aroyalbirb]

Tumblr with ADHD, OCD, Bi-Polar, Multiple personality disorder, Anxiety, Depression, Bullying Trauma, and other mental illnesses

“You don’t act 18+”

I can’t help how I act, sometimes its not me who’s there, its someone else

“You’re so easily offended! Grow up!”

I have trouble with that because of trauma, i automatically assume the worst, it usually is

“Don’t guilt trip people!”

I’m not trying to, thats just how i talk and say sorry. if i feel bad im gonna tell you the entire story and tell you how i want to make it better

“Stop saying sorry so much!”

Anxiety doesn’t let me do that....i say sorry and you yell more...so i say sorry for that and then its never ending

“Stop being so emotional! Its just one thing!”

I can’t help my emotions, not only am I just human, but everything is heightened due to what I have to deal with

“Your illnesses aren’t a crutch! They aren’t an exscuse!”

No, they aren’t, but they are a valid reason for difficulty, an explanation

“Stop waving your problems around and acting like you need to be treated special”

But I do, because i cant be treated like an everyday human being, i need support and help to do even the simplest things, its not like i do it for attention, i have real issues that i need assistance with

“You don’t have the right to say that! theres people with worse then you!”

I’m not comparing myself to anyone, i’m telling you what i’m dealing with so you understand

“I have the same thing! its not that bad!”

Mental illnesses have varying levels and intensity, what may be low for you might be drastic for me

Living on tumblr, where I have friends i cant and WONT abandon is hard, because people bully me for being...ME...because i cant be like them and be what they want me to do, and its so difficult, and its been the cause of alot of depressive episodes

fellow friends, if i missed anything, please reblog and put it down

spread to show what its like

and maybe they will understand someday