#i compare my life to other people's too much and social media is full of other people's lives but nothing deep just the shallows

[wild-at-mind]

I love writing my random shit on here, as a venue where I'm even the slightest bit anonymous but it still feels a little companiable, but I will say that I was feeling ok about myself today and then I scrolled tumblr for about half and hour and felt totally shit. No particular one thing caused it that I can think of, it was just the social media sickness I guess. So not sure what to do with that but I think I should learn from it.

[hunkpossession0]

Stealing my former high school bully’s body was so easyyy. Look, now I am hot, and the best part is that I’m gay.

I leaned back in the plush leather seat of his—no, my—new car, savoring the feeling of power. God, I’d waited so long for this. All those years of torment, the sneers, the shoves into lockers, the homophobic slurs... they were all a distant memory now, fading away like smoke. The only thing that mattered was this body I was now inhabiting, perfectly sculpted and oozing confidence.

I smirked at the reflection in the rearview mirror. His—my—strong jawline, the chiseled features that had made everyone swoon, and those piercing blue eyes that used to look down on me with contempt were now mine to control. And control them I would.

The plan had come to me after a particularly rough night, one too many drinks mixed with the lingering bitterness of my high school years. I’d always been obsessed with the idea of revenge, but not the kind that left scars. I wanted something deeper, more satisfying. I wanted to become him. To live the life he’d never appreciated and do it better.

It wasn’t hard to find a spell. You’d be surprised at how many dark corners of the internet are devoted to body swapping. A few emails, a payment sent in crypto, and a strange-looking amulet later, I was ready. The ritual was simple enough—though it took a lot of concentration. But the moment I slipped it around his neck while he slept, it was over in seconds. I woke up in his bed, in his skin, and he… well, I don’t know where he is now. I like to imagine he’s trapped somewhere, conscious of what’s happening but completely powerless.

The first thing I did was check myself out in the mirror—really take in everything I’d just acquired. This body wasn’t just hot; it was perfect. Years of disciplined workouts, clean eating, and who knows what else had transformed him into someone who looked like they walked straight off a magazine cover.

Actually, make that literally off a magazine cover. I found a stack of fashion magazines under his bed with his stupidly gorgeous face plastered on them. He’d somehow turned his pretty-boy looks and gym rat habits into a full-fledged modeling career. I guess that explained the ridiculous number of selfies on his phone, each one showing off a different outfit or a perfectly timed flex in front of the mirror.

So yeah, I wasn’t giving up the gym. If anything, I was leaning into it. It’s not like I had to do much to maintain this body—he’d already done the hard work, and now I was reaping the benefits. I still hit the gym daily, if only to flex for the mirrors and admire my reflection. The attention I get now is incredible, and the best part is, I can be shameless about it.

Of course, I couldn’t wait to see what Grindr was like from this side of things. Installing the app was the first thing I did once I figured out the password to his phone. The moment I uploaded a shirtless pic, the notifications started rolling in—an endless stream of thirsty messages. Guys were practically lining up for a chance with me, throwing compliments, and I have to admit, I loved every second of it.

I’d spend hours swiping through profiles, chatting up whoever caught my eye. The way people reacted to me now was night and day compared to before. No more awkward small talk, no more second-guessing myself. I could tell someone to meet me at the gym just to watch me lift, and they’d show up without hesitation.

And the best part? I’ve started getting more gigs, just from a few posts on social media showing off his—no, my—body. Modeling agencies are all about that lean muscle, those killer cheekbones, that smirk that could melt anyone on the other end of the camera. He’d never really appreciated what he had, but I’m about to take this career to the next level. I’ve already got a photoshoot lined up for some luxury brand—an easy way to rake in the cash while showing off.

His—my—Instagram is blowing up too. I’m always in the gym, flexing and posting thirst traps for the masses. The likes pour in, and the comments? They’re pure gold. People are practically worshipping me, and I’ve only just begun. This body was wasted on him, but now that it’s mine, I’m going to enjoy every moment of it.

Every time I flex, every time I see a new message pop up on Grindr, it’s a reminder of just how sweet this revenge is. Not only did I take his body, but I’m living his life better than he ever could. I’m hotter, more confident, and finally free to be myself in the best possible way.

This is just the beginning.

[carowleysposts]

Good Omens makes me feel scary things. Let’s talk about it.

So, before I start, I think it’s important to clarify that I am neurodivergent. I have autism and GO is one of my strongest hyper-fixations ever. I am so emotionally and mentally invested in it I could talk about it for days on end and every single detail of this show makes me love it more.

But there’s a really really dark flip side to this love, and I would love to see if there’s anyone else who struggles with it too:

I think I care a little too much.

Although I am aware that this is somewhat “common” for people in the spectrum and my doctors all have confirmed I am not a complete nut case for it, I almost never feel comfortable admitting to those in my life that a piece of fiction has such a strong hold on me and my mental health. And as much as I love everything we’ve seen so far, all the little things I hear and read about season three give me heart-stopping waves of anxiety that are definitely not normal.

Like, I am constantly scared of what will happen, as if it was happening to me. And I know it’s embarrassing, but my brain is simply wired differently, and it feels so awful not being able to talk about it with my friends in real life.

Sometimes I feel like my day is ruined because I read someone say that they think S3 won’t have a happy ending, or that they probably won’t kiss or end up together or something bad like that. And even though I know it’s just fiction, it gives me stomach knots, as it is such a powerful part of my life and I think about is so much.

I have even come as far as to take breaks from Tumblr and mute some words on some social media platforms so that I won’t read Neil’s responses to questions - because they ALSO make me fear terribly and give me crippling anxiety, like when he said it won’t be romantic, or when he says stuff that make me worry for the future - and won’t hear speculation or even be reminded of other stuff people say.

And before anyone asks: Yes! I am fully aware it sounds absurd. And yes, i absolutely do feel crazy and embarrassed about it, but unfortunately this is the reality of many people in the spectrum and many neurodivergent people in general.

I do work, I am a ballet teacher and an author, so of course I have many other things to worry about and do and of course I have a life full of responsibilities and relationships and different pursuits to keep me from actually thinking about it nonstop. But still, even though I am busy and distracted most of the time, every now and then these feelings and worries come and punch me in the gut, and it completely paralyzes me for long moments. I feel kinda sick? I don’t know.

So I guess what I am trying to ask is: do you guys know of anyone who feels the same? Like, is there anyone else who feels like their mind has been absolutely taken over by fiction-related anxiety? And also: what should I do about it? I feel like absolutely no other piece of fiction compares to this one, and my mind simply won’t stop.

Help pls.

[autismcatboy]

i hear the sunspot is a story about being human first, disabled second and a bl third. it doesnt flow like a bl and has very brief moments of romance because its not intended to be read/watched a romance.

the mangaka did not write it as a BL because she herself wasnt even familiar with it as a genre until after she started publishing. she was writing a story that just happens to also feature queer romance.

the live drama is not going to end with them getting together. its an adaption of just one series within the story and even at the most current series, they only barely got together.

the story is not unrealistic in how it handles communication (or lack thereof). its a lot easier to judge characters (and people in real life) when you think you have all the pieces, but the reality is we know very little about how others truly feel and when you have a lot going on and pulling you in different directions, its hard to know it yourself.

continued below the cut, spoiler free.

taichi and kohei are busy adults. between work/school, family and personal health, they dont have a lot of free time. many people dont have ways to contact friends they made in school because usually, you just see each other and dont think about exchanging contact information until later.

exchanging contact information is a bigger step to take in japan compared to places like the us. taichi uses a flip phone until hes pushed to get a smartphone after it breaks. data plans are expensive and many are selective about when and how they use them, and chatting apps like line are usually the main form of communication method. many people in the us dont like to give out their number or social media (which is also a feature of line) to people they know, like coworkers or classmates.

theres some pretty big assumptions about japanese culture and what its like to be a young adult by fans watching the drama that, in my opinion, just arent realistic. you're thinking like a bl fan and not like what people actually do in real life.

i hear the sunspot is a story about navigating the awkward, the hardships, fumbling and coming to terms with the things we may not like about ourselves. this isnt just about being disabled. able bodied, fully healthy people have things they dont like, push off and ignore. we see this in taichi, and how he continues to push that hes happy, nothing is wrong, he's just a big goofball and doesn't have anything below the surface and a lot of you have fallen for it.

relationships rarely go "we met, we fell in love, and now we are together and everything is perfect with only mild and entertaining drama." in fact id say they almost never do. people get scared to get close to other people, people dont think about if their feelings are romantic love or not when theyve never considered they might be gay. people get busy and distract themselves from addressing the things theyre not ready to look at and understand. all of these things happen much more often and often subconsciously, too.

people are mean and bullheaded when they feel like their comfort zone is threatened. people *run* when they feel like their status quo might change and they dont know what that will look like.

its easy to say someone is being ridiculous when you dont have their full story or dont stop to consider their circumstances. will it be different from how you'd react? absolutely. you lived a different life and had different experiences shape who you are.

but its equally as ridiculous to assume you know exactly how you'd react better than someone in their situation. no one is perfect, and definitely not 20 something year olds figuring out how to be adults after tough moments completely changed their childhoods. your early 20s, especially, is about thinking youre an adult and realizing just how little you know about adulthood. its easy to look back on when i was taichi and kohei's ages and say "oh there is a /lot/ that i fucked up with and couldve done better".

i hear the sunspot is about being human. the mistakes, the drama, the pain and the laughter. it happens to also have a gay love story but its not written to *be* a gay love story or even to be any love story in the first place.

if youre not willing to wait, and consider all the troubles that come before and during their relationship, this is not the story for you. save yourself the time, its got a long way to go. maybe come back in a few more years and see if the story resonates differently.

theyre not going to dive right into a relationship when they still barely know themselves.

[selfhelpforstudents]

i always see people around me being more productive and starting revision earlier and doing everything much faster. i’m already trying my best, but i start panicking when i see them be better, and feel like i’m lagging behind. how do i snap out of this mentality?

How to Stop Panicking About Productivity:

We’ve all been there. You’re grinding away at your own pace, and then you glance around and see everyone else seemingly miles ahead. They’re breezing through tasks, acing their exams, and looking like they’ve got it all figured out. Meanwhile, you’re fighting off panic, convinced you’re falling behind. But before you spiral further, take a breath. You’re not alone, and there’s a way to snap out of this productivity panic.

1. Realize You’re Not in a Race

First off, let’s get one thing straight: life isn’t a race. Sure, it feels like everyone around you is speeding ahead, but that doesn’t mean you’re losing. Your journey is your own, and comparing your progress to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Different people have different strengths, learning styles, and paces. What works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s okay.

2. Practice Mindful Self-Compassion

When you catch yourself spiraling, pause and check in with yourself. Are you being too harsh on your own progress? Give yourself some credit. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Start practicing self-compassion by treating yourself like you would a friend who’s struggling. Would you tell them they’re a failure, or would you encourage them to keep going? Be your own cheerleader.

3. Focus on Your Progress, Not Theirs

It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, but the only progress that really matters is your own. Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come instead of how far you think you have to go. Even small steps forward are still progress. Keep a journal or a list of what you’ve accomplished each day, no matter how minor it seems. This will help you stay grounded and motivated.

4. Set Realistic Goals and Celebrate Wins

Instead of trying to match someone else’s pace, set goals that are achievable for you. Break your tasks into manageable chunks, and celebrate each win, no matter how small. Finished a chapter? That’s a win. Wrote 200 words? That’s a win. You don’t need to conquer the world in a day—just keep moving forward at your pace.

5. Take Breaks and Recharge

Burnout is real, and it can sneak up on you if you’re constantly pushing yourself to keep up with others. Schedule regular breaks to recharge. Go for a walk, watch an episode of your favorite show, or just chill out for a bit. Remember, productivity isn’t about working nonstop; it’s about finding a sustainable rhythm.

6. Limit Social Media Consumption

Let’s be honest—social media can be a huge source of comparison and stress. Everyone’s posting their highlights, but you’re not seeing the full picture. Consider cutting back on your social media usage, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. Out of sight, out of mind. Focus on your journey instead of getting sucked into someone else’s highlight reel.

7. Find a Support System

Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Whether it’s friends, family, or a study group, find a support system that encourages you rather than makes you feel inadequate. Share your struggles and victories with them; chances are, they’re feeling the same way too. A strong support system can make all the difference in keeping your mindset positive.

8. Accept That Perfection Isn’t the Goal

Perfectionism is a trap. Striving for perfection will only lead to more stress and dissatisfaction. Instead, aim for progress and improvement. Mistakes are part of the learning process, and they don’t define your worth. Embrace the idea that doing your best is more than enough.

9. Remember, You’re Doing Great

At the end of the day, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re doing just fine. The fact that you’re even worried about falling behind shows that you care about your progress. Don’t let the comparison game steal your joy and motivation. Keep your eyes on your own path, trust in your process, and give yourself the credit you deserve.

So next time you feel that productivity panic creeping in, take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself that you’re on your own unique journey. You’ve got this.

Best,

Sophia

[kaycynyrs]

Let's talk about Christopher Diaz in fanfic

I want to preface this by saying I'm pretty new to the fandom. I joined a few months or so before season 7 started dropping. So I'm probably not the best source for information when it comes to the show, but I definitely wanted to throw my hat into the ring. I'm aware that Chris is aging during the course of the show, and that he was much younger when he was first introduced, but it seems to me that a lot of fanfic writers and/or people in this fandom kinda struggle to realistically write and/or portray accurate representation of a preteen/early teenager as Chris is now.

I have absolutely no idea if maybe it's some kinda weird way of seemingly (kinda horribly) trying to portray disability, or maybe people in the 911 fandom just do not spend time around pre-teens, but as someone who does spend a lot of time with a pre-teen (specifically my 12 y/o brother) I definitely figured I could give some insight into this topic.

Now I do want to clarify before I begin, that in no way shape or form am I talking about the disabled portion of Chris' experience. I don't have the knowledge or firsthand experience or anything like that to even begin to try and be a voice on that topic, and if anyone else could give insight into that portion of Chris' experience, I welcome it gladly. Especially because it's an integral part of him and introduces some experiences that other pre-teens won't have to deal with which can change how Chris reacts/deals with situations.

What I can accurately talk about though is the things I've noticed in my brother as he goes through this phase of his life. I can also compare his experiences to what I remember from when I was his age, and I'm noticing he's going through certain things that I went through too. I know everyone is different, but hopefully this insight can help some people begin to understand Chris as he is now.

Now, on top of all the slow but noticeable bodily changes, these little sass masters are emotionally volatile. As in, the littlest things seem to be the end of the world. Especially if he's (my brother) is overtired. He tends to have tunnel vision, and he wants things to go his way. If it doesn't immediately go as planned, he tends to get very very frustrated. When that happens, he tends to blow up then go into his room until he's calmed down. After he's calm, then productive conversation can happen.

Kids Chris' age also tend to enjoy video games (like Roblox, or console games) more than they do coloring or legos or any physical toy. Not saying my brother has stopped playing with them all together, but it's definitely slowed down. If he were to play with legos, it'd more likely be a complicated lego set. Or complicated arts and crafts. His most recent projects being origami swords and origami paper dragons. Like, please don't forget that Chris is a good artist and is capable of drawing accurate human hearts.

I've also noticed that kids will go through a collecting phase. They'll collect anything and everything and it'll be the weirdest shit you could never predict. My brother when he was a bit younger literally stole every single sock in the house for his "sock collection" and stuffed an entire drawer full of them. Now he's moved on to collecting golf balls.

And, whether we like it or not, these kids are on the internet. My brother at least is very very influenced by online trends. Half the things he's interested in he saw on social media first. But that means that these kids have a rich meme culture. They have their own in jokes and concepts, same as we did growing up. And sure, some of the jokes are the same. I mean heck, my brother won't shut up with the "your mom" jokes, but they also have things like skibbidy toilet, chippi chippi choppa choppa, and other memes. (I have a list of current tween memes in my notes, but that can be a separate post if people truly want it)

Like it's such a missed funny opportunity! To have Chris reference current memes or current sayings like "gyot, what the sigma, and womp womp," and just having every single adult within the immediate vicinity be confused as fuck, and of course the kids won't explain, because why would they. It's funny to them that the adults are confused. Which also pairs with the amount of sass contained in their tiny orifices. Their come backs are insane and not to be trifled with. My brother has burned me so many times and so well that for all intents and purposes I should be a pile of ash on floor, honestly and truly.

Now, when it comes to romance, I have no idea when that changes. I think Chris is around 14 in the most recent season? And he's gone through a little heartbreaker phase, but currently, my brother at 12 is absolutely disgusted by romance. I myself am demisexual so I'm not a good reference for that, and can't really comment on when people start feeling attraction for others. But considering it's being portrayed in the show, I think it could be something to lean into as well.

All of this to say, Chris won't be this picture perfect baby all of the time. He'll get angry, frustrated, sad. Give people the silent treatment. He'll be weird and strange and say stupid shit. He'll also probably occasionally get confused over certain sayings he's never heard before. (E.g similes commonly used in writing) He'll try to get out of chores, and homework, and he'll whine and complain. His body is changing, he's probably experiencing growing pains, and he's probably starting to discover more adult things. But he'll also have his moments of insightfulness and humor. He's a little adult! And he should be allowed to be portrayed that way! Let Chris be a multidimensional character! It's what he deserves! And just to make it clear, this goes for every pre-teen on 911. I've just noticed the infantilisation of Chris a lot more than say Denny.

Please let me know your thoughts on this matter! I'd love to hear them! Have a wonderful day!

[looneyzune]

The 3AM Stream Incident

SOOOhbkabgsjf i haven't done something like this in a while, but I just go so inspired over in the discord @majimasleftasscheek with the streamer!kiryu idea that i had to write SOMETHING and i really loved this idea we came up with so here's SOMETHING!!! username cameos are all people from the server!!

if i had to put it somewhere, something post yakuza 3 pre yakuza 4. in order to make money for the orphanage, haruka and the kids introduced him to this streaming thing. he wanted to engage in their interests, and has always enjoyed gaming deep down, the money aspect also helps out a lot. he's formed a relatively decent sized community, but has yet to go viral. the streamers are pretty laid back and the children's identities are protected, but thanks to the younger audience of streaming in general, the chat has taken to calling him 'uncle kaz' like the kids do when they call for him off screen.

this is. short and silly and i didn't go too hard on it, but i hope it's fun!! kazumaji implied cause it will be with everything i write.

Kiryu doesn't stream off schedule, not often at least. Life gets in the way sometimes, but he's never done this before. It's quiet in the orphanage, he doesn't want to disturb the kids... but he also can't sleep. Not actually worth anything, at least. It's another all nighter, one that hopefully he can recover from while the kids are at school tomorrow. Today. If there's one thing he's thinking about this isn't the various people haunting him... It's Pocket Circuit LIVE. He figures that was something more productive to be doing than just laying here.

His steps are quiet as he makes his way into the small room that had been built in the rebuilding process of Morning Glory. This room was even in the process of being sound proofed, a gift from Daigo that was hard to refuse. With the door shut, he could be a bit more comfortable with his movements.

Hopefully, not too many people in the chatroom are up either. He thinks he remembers hearing talk about finals during these months. Still, it'd be worth going live, people liked him for his ''chill vibes'' and ''comforting streams''. There was always a twinge of a pride even he knew was a bit goofy, compared to the other things he was proud of. Perhaps he could help them sleep, much like a bed time story... But to the sound of Pocket Circuit LIVE dailies.

When Kiryu hits the 'go live' button, he skips through his starting soon screen, going straight to his face cam and gameplay set up. As the game boots up, a bit slower than usual from having to do it while he's live, the first few messages start to pop up

macthedragon: ayo cosmomemory: ??? tabbitha44: damn this game got you by the throat uncle kaz

"Good evening, chatroom." Kiryu smiles at the messages, the exhaustion painfully clear in his eyes he's sure. "I'm surprised other people are up at this hour. I can't sleep, and I can be quiet during this game to not wake the kids. So long as I don't pull." He adds the addendum before anyone in chat could mention that.

Through his months of doing this, he's learned that many of these 'stream chatrooms' have a sort of 'culture' to them. Each streamer has a different kind of audience they cater to, but many share a back and forth dynamic with their 'chatroom'. It was more work than he had ever realized, it was an interesting new world he had begun to discover.

The motions now are practiced and fluid. Daily missions were a walk in the park. Use a new wheel, win a race without a balance frame, win a race with a golem tiger. As the races began to blend, Kiryu quietly talks with his delayed chatroom, "I don't think I'll be streaming tomorrow, I'll announce on my social media platforms in the morning if I will or won't."

aquaortus: twitter. you can say twitter looneyzune: be nice to him, he's not wrong

Kiryu knew full well he could say 'Twitter', but people seemed to like his antiquated way of saying things as much as it grated on them. It was much like with the children in the orphanage, in that way. The chat was significantly slower, but that was nice for him. He didn't directly talked to them, more so just began saying how his day was, it had been a nice day off, he just might need another.

esutonia: take all the time you need uncle kaz cosmomemory: we all could use one i think looneyzune: you deserve the time off, uncle kaz! macthedragon: please don't say you're leaving to get milk- aquaortus: going to sleep to this stream, gnight everyone

It was nice to see the messages of comfort in the corner of his eye, even as they began to talk amidst each other other than just with him. Of course, he quietly wished the viewers going to bed good night, which ended up being a few of them when an hour had passed. Less than 50 people were watching him at that point. There's a few points where he has to quiet down, hearing something shuffling outside of the room, and he has to make sure he didn't wake one of the children. Thankfully, no such incident happens, and he continues on with the quiet stream.

Quiet for a good while, but by hour two, something goes wrong. A name that he had expected to be gone from this stream popped up, marked with a green sword and bright pink text.

gorogorogorochan: Kiryu-chan what the fuck is this shit looneyzune: uh oh esutonia: SCATTER brahkest: uncle majima moment! it's so over

"M-Majima-!" Kiryu jumped at seeing that familiar name, the chatroom having a similar reaction. He looked to the door, knowing he was a good while away in a hotel, yes, but like he could be there at any moment. "I just couldn't sleep, so... Why am I not surprised you're up at this hour too." He truly should have expected this. "I'll only go for another hour. You should get some rest."

He looks at his quest list. Dailies are done, but weeklies are nearing completion. He could go ahead and knock those out now if he's going to take a break soon. Kiryu gets to it, settling back into the rhythm of the game he found so addicting.

gorogorogorochan: Are ya fuckin' kiddin' me gorogorogorochan: TEN MINUTES mrbeefgnaw: oh rip uncle kaz tabbitha44: h u h cosmomemory: it's so over looneyzune: ...has he noticed looneyzune: uncle kaz are you with us

With chat going so slow due to so few people, now less than 20, Kiryu didn't notice it. Pocket Circuit LIVE was too temping. He keeps good on his promise to not pull, but ten minutes have gone by without him really saying a word. He was both too tired and too engrossed in the menial yet fun activities of his favorite pass time.

brahkest: TIME IS UP: UNLEASE THE HOUNDS tabbitha44: what did he Mean by this macthedragon: he never realized omg.....

The questions as to what he had meant didn't go unanswered for long. Kiryu looked over at the chatroom, finally seeing the sudden activity, "Chatroom, did something-" And is cut off by the door to his room swinging open. It just barely is held back from slamming by a tired, haggard, and ticked off looking Majima. He blinks in surprise at his sudden appearance, standing up and taking the same headphones the man had gifted him off his head, "Majima? What are you-"

The next moment, Majima is charging him.

Kiryu barely manages to understand whats happening in the mere second he's given before Majima's long legs get him across the room. He's still taken to the ground in the next second, but he knows not to start fighting back by then. All the camera sees in a yellow and black blur, and then Kiryu going out of frame.

brahkest: UNCLE MAJIMA MOMENT!!!! mrbeefgnaw: oh rip lol looneyzune: UFBKSD cosmomemory: JHDFKSDG macthedragon: HJDKFJDFHLD tabbitha44: LMAOOOO estunia: JHFKDSFKESJB

The last thing the stream sees is a gloved hand slapping around on the table to find the keyboard, and when it's found, the stream is shut off.

[shaibonbon]

Hi there, you can call me Shai, or whatever name you have met me.

My pronouns are whatever. I have lived +18 years on this planet (not telling my specific age or gender).

I'm portuguese. Started drawing as a hobby in 2021 and this blog is the place I'm gonna post my stuff. You can check my arquives, all my art goes to shaibonbon tag, plus there are other tags that help organize the place.

I use other socials medias. I got a twitter, devianart, bluesky, pivix, but I'm not very active on those.

Ask anything, I respond accordingly. If it's a drawing request don't be surprised if I don't respond. I only draw as a hobby and my time is limited...

Things I like are...bunnies, cats plus playing videogames. I love space too.

I'm extremely shy person, nor very social, an introverted, I guess. I still try my best to talk to people.

After this lackluster introduction. Here the actual interesting goodies, BonBon! Or Bonbon, or just Bon...

So who is the purple Bunny? She is between an OC and persona.

A lot of her personality defects are based of me. While there are other characteristics that I just inverted from me. Plus (atm) a lot of her story is based on irl events I experienced. It's almost a sona but different enough to be an oc too xD.

Mini Bon is the younger version of Bonbon, her age depends on each drawing. The "general rule", If she is wearing just a purple dress, she is a toodler/early teen. A blue dress she is teen. Late teens is by looks alone atm.

Mini Bon unlike bonbon, has a personality very different compared to my irl one.

Here what you can say it's the "ref sheet" of Bonbon and mini Bon that is somewhat outside already.

If there's lore? Oh there is lore! I will say the obvious. Mini Bon is the happy silly girl with no care of the world around her. She is still full of joy, most of the time. As much as she tries, things in her life start to get a turn for the worse...

Bonbon is the grown-up version of her that got her hopes and dreams crushed by reality of life. Living with the burden of failed expectations, the crushing weight of new responsibilities and all the physiological effects that brings, like anxiety! It must feel great.

Ty for wasting your precious time reading this. Much love to ya.

[callsigns-haze]

Doxing is back in the fandoms

Here we go again,

I never thought I'd have to write this, but here we are. I'm fuming as I type this because two of my closest friends have been doxed. The sheer audacity and cruelty of some people on the internet never ceases to amaze me.

Well me and my friends just got doxed. One lost her position and the other quit. Not too much has been dropped on me, This is not the fucking first time in this fandom but these two were not even a full part off. People are sick for doxing.

For those who might not know, doxing is the act of publishing private information about someone online, typically with malicious intent. It's a vile invasion of privacy and can lead to serious real-world consequences. My friends are not celebrities or public figures, but we have reputations in football and for that some of them have been kicked out of our league. They're regular people who happen to be vocal about their beliefs and passions online. And for that, some cowardly, assholes, people who they were mutuals with, decided to target them.

First there was Haley. And yet, someone thought it was okay to post her home address and phone number online. Now, she’s terrified to even leave her house.

Then Marie, They posted her workplace and personal email, flooding her inbox with threats and hateful messages. She had to take a leave of absence from her job because she couldn't focus with the constant barrage of harassment and got eliminated from the league as a football player lost her position.

And then, there's me. I got doxed too, though I guess I was "lucky." They only posted my social media handles and a few minor details about my life. It’s unsettling to know someone dug through my online presence to find that information, but it’s nothing compared to what Haley and Marie are going through.

I’m angry. Angry that someone felt the need to invade our privacy and put us in harm's way. Angry that this kind of behaviour is becoming more common and normalized. But more than that, I feel helpless.

To the people who did this, if by some chance you're reading this: You are the lowest of the low. Your actions are disgusting, and I hope you face the consequences someday. To everyone else, please, please think before you act. Understand the real-life implications of your online behaviour.

And to my friends who have faced this, I am here for you.

Speaking on behalf of my two friends who have now left the app in fear, fuck the people who had done this once again.

[manicpixiedckgirl]

okay, so i posted a timeline. sue me! i quit all other social media last year and needed that dopamine hit. just a lil nicotine patch for online attention. seasonal depression is a bitch okay. i posted it here and to ig, bc ig is to late millennials what facebook is boomers. and people have all said some very nice things, but when you're posting a 10 year timeline, you're usually hoping for someone from your past to see it and go "woah! you're so different now"!

and whaddya know, this time it worked. one of my exes from when i was a teenager saw it. not one of the ones who turned out to be a lesbian, one of the ones who turned out to be a trans man. He just wanted to say hi - that he was so happy to see that i looked happy, and that i looked incredible, especially compared to the scruffy twink they had dated. (okay those are my words not his)

he and I didn’t have a great relationship at first - no one had a great relationship with me before i realized i was a trans woman obviously, but this was pretty young. I was really repressed and weird back then, and still very much without any social graces, and we were only like 16. they caught the full broadside of my emo fuckboy energy and got out fast once they saw that - i don’t blame them. I was crying in their arms about how much i hated my new body hair, and how i wanted to be able to wear dresses, and the next day i’d be completely emotionally unavailable and denying all of it. not exactly boyfriend material, not entirely boyfriend. They were very traumatized too in their own way, just realizing they were trans too, and engaging in a lot of ‘i want to be a gay man’ antics, fucking their way through the pain. He was frankly way too cool and sexually liberated to be wasting his time with that version of me. And it was very obvious to everyone who knew what that was 12-15 years ago that i was a closeted trans girl. we had a friend group that eventually fell apart, and we parted for the first time.

Later, in our late teens/20, we would end up fucking - i had started to accept and announce that my gender was complicated, and i was starting to be kinda faggy and loud about it, and not everyone hated that, and they had just started T and were boy horny. We split a bottle of wine (or was it two? It was probably two) and started watching an ashley tisdale movie. Looking back on it, how it went must definitely have been his plan, but i’ve always been blind about this stuff and was that night. It was definitely bad sex, but it was also fun sex - the first time I enjoyed myself,  and the pressure of having to be a guy wasn’t so overwhelming i didnt effectively black out. he’s one of the first people i ever talked to about feeling complicated about gender, and i think by then he had figured me out, and was just letting me get the rest of the way on my own. I still couldn’t top for him, i never rly could top for anyone, even before estrogen. but we still had fun, with our hands and with our mouths. and then after that, we'd go to art shows and poetry readings and hang out again occasionally, like we talked about doing when we were literal kids, putting on rocky horror in our front rooms.

but life takes you away from people, and he got into film school, and i somehow graduated my chemistry program and moved to the US. he moved to Germany for a while, although i hear he's back home. i got married, got separated, there was a global pandemic. we hadn't talked in years, although i had snooped on him once or twice. He’s a director now - he’s made some impressive arthouse films, all horror and gender and kitchy campy cerebral themes. He’s got a big tv writing credit on the way in irish tv. Idk - it felt rly good to impress him, to say hi, to remember. it's really cool to see other trans people thriving and living life, always. anyone who cleaves reality to themselves and fashions themselves into someone they can love is someone who impresses me. but it's different when it's someone you've known for almost half your life - someone you were a fucked up kid with, not sure if either of you would make it to 18. and to be smiling at each other, looking at 30, and wondering what's next. i'm really proud of the both of us actually. and i needed that today.

[starfruitgirlie]

guide for highschool to not suck

HEY GAMERS! I catch myself a lot looking at people younger than be and being annoyed or thinking "wow I know so much more than you" but when I was the age they were at I desperately wanted to be older and I wanted to know what I was doing and I sucked at life. Im 17 so I can only give life advice up to that point. I was absolute garbo at age 13-15. I was cringe, fowl, thought I knew everything, was experimenting with my identity and style, had acne, had access to the internet when I probably shouldn't have, the works. Instead of looking down on a reflection of myself I want to give advice on how to make things a bit better. Unfortunately, you can't avoid being cringe. However I was mentally ill and had adhd, and there are things you can do to make those things less sucky. (disclaimer I am not a professional and you should always reach out to a trusted adult or a therapist for help and not the internet!)

So highschool sucks it's awful it's absolute doodoo. I changed school districts so I went into my freshman year not knowing ANYBODY. I was also a cringe gender non-conforming queer kid with a bad haircut and bad fashion sense so I know what it's like to be picked on. so this is for anybody already in highschool or going into it or just wants to know what to prepare for.

I can't sugarcoat it highschool is so bad. It's not all bad, you can have nice experiences but ultimately it sucks because when your entire social atmosphere is insecure teenagers everything sucks. I just completed my junior year and I feel like I have made a lot of realizations just in that year alone. I'm not a senior yet so I'm just dipping my toe into college prep stuff so I am no where qualified for that so if that's what you want go somewhere else and if you get good advice tell me I need it. so this is starfruit's guide on how to NOT SUCK HIGHSCHOOL! (from someone with no friends and is lazy)

no one is looking at you as much as you think they are. I don't mean this as a "you're full of yourself" statement, it's an anxiety thing I still deal with. Embarrassing incidents are going to happen unfortunately. You forget deodorant, you have your period, you trip in the hallway, your pants rip, all the sucky stuff. There are going to be some assholes who laugh and make you feel bad but most people are going to understand. everyone knows what it is like to feel embarrassed and it won't be a disney-channel bully type scene if you mess up. even though social media doesn't show it, people make embarrassing mistakes and have accidents. It took some time, but I had to learn to laugh at myself and not take myself as as seriously. I don't spend my whole day hyperfocusing on other people or going out of my way to laugh at someone. It can be tough especially if you're as shy as I am but there will always be kind people who will offer help in situations like that. As you grow things will be less embarrassing. i am not at the point where that feeling is completely gone but I yearn for the day.

I was in my first AP class this year and at first I was super super self-conscious. I am a good student, but the people in that class made me feel stupid sometimes. They all took like 6 ap classes when that was my first one. reality check!! it doesn't matter. your future employer isn't going to go "So did you take 6 ap classes at once and get 5s on all of them?". highschool doesn't matter as much as you feel like it does. don't get me wrong, still try but be kinder to yourself. Don't compare your grades to somebody else's. A big part of this too is not asking people for what they got on a test even if you think they got lower. It's not done out of malicious intent, but I know for a fact a lot of good students ask other people for their scores to feel better about their own when someone answers a lower grade. When people ask I say "I don't tell people my grades, it's just a personal thing I guess" and people will move on. A big thing for juniors is the ACT. the day those scores came out it was awful. I had to delete instagram for a week when someone I knew posted their super-good score just to brag. everyone was asking what I got and everyone was comparing scores. "Oh I got a 34" and when somebody said "28" I heard "that's not that bad!". that is a phrase I hate. "it's not that bad!" SHUT UP!!! You can avoid this by not telling anyone your scores. the only people who know my act score are me, my therapist, and my parents. and I intend to keep it that way forever. I'm grateful that a lot of aspects of school come easy to me but this is applicable for students at any level. my grades don't make me any better of a person. What is important is to try your best and only compare yourself to yourself. if a C is your best effort, that's good! You tried and you put in hard work. school is not a true judgment of how smart you are what matters is you are trying and learning.

don't be on snapchat. my school used it for a long time to spread nudes and take pictures of alt people and make fun of them. and to also send threats. "what's yo snap" is not flirting. it makes me want to hit you with a metal bar. I can't really explain all that much but I just hate snap chat and I will never use it.

don't spread information you aren't sure is true. big and small highschools both can start rumors that get out of control. a kid who I never knew was talked about so much and the rumors kept spiraling I have no idea what is or isn't true. it's also just not that fun to talk about?? I mean there is a certain enjoyment in gossip but if you're just making fun of someone behind their back it's not cool and even if you're laughing in the moment that's not healthy behavior. and if your friends shun you for not wanting to do that and being uptight, get new friends.

ask questions. if you are confused in class, ask. even if it's a dumb question. I admit I have thought before "are you dumb" when someone asked a question but at the end of the day I'm just a hater and that person benefitted from hearing an answer and learned. if you can, email your teachers and go in during your study halls or lunch hour for individual help. I never would have passed ap calc without all the days I spent in my teacher's classroom during my lunch period.

set boundaries with your friends. you can still show your friend you want to talk to them and value their friendship and express you want to listen in class. also you're just annoying if you talk the whole time. that's the hater in me coming out I'm sorry.

stop following made-up social media teen rules you hate. that makes me sound old when I say that but I can't describe it any other way. an example of this is instead of asking for someone's snap, just say "hi I really like you do you want to go on a date and can I get your phone number?". have real human interactions. Just because Brady Smith and his friends always sit at that table at lunch doesn't mean you can't sit there if you get there first. just because it's "cringe" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Be polite. shake someone's hand instead of dapping them up or whatever the hell. high five unironically. read a book in class instead of being on your phone. it doesn't mean you're trying to be quirky. it just means you want to read a book and people who make fun of you for reading probably should be the ones reading.

which leads me to: read more books. doesn't have to be something profound like a classic. it can be shitty YA vampire love triangle. it can be the series you loved in middle school about dragons. it can be something super long and profound. it can be non-fiction, it can be manga, it can be whatever!!!!! just read!!! just because someone to your left is reading jane austen doesn't mean you can't read warrior cats.

this might be more of an american thing but participate in dress-up days. this helped me overcome a lot of my social anxiety. even if no one else is doing it, I am going to dress like a cowboy because god damn it, it is dress like a cowboy day. i guarantee nobody cares. There's this kid at my school that regularly shows up in different costumes and I think its awesome and I also don't care. It could be some random tuesday and I could see Goku in the hallway and go "That's weird" and go about my day. Dress like Goku. End up on the school snapchat story with popular kids putting comments over it with a skull emoji. be free. The same kid also dressed up accordingly for holidays. Kids like that make you smile and you remember them fondly. my sister had a classmate who brought a toy thor's hammer to school everyday. i guarantee people made fun of him but thats awesome dude. nobody cares and if they do they need to get their priorities checked.

do your work in class so you don't have to do it at home. it saves time and you have more time to be lazy. if you have to work at home make sure to keep a planner. It's not cringe you're just being responsible. write it down or it will be gone from your brain in an instant and it will be 3 am and you will be writing a last minute research paper and not remember how to do citations.

make accommodations for yourself at school. for me this looks like dressing comfortably even tho I want to be stylish. It's also always bringing my headphones to school to have music on so I can focus. There's no reason to make school hard for yourself, bring things you might need, you don't need to raw dawg the day.

if you can, utilize time before school and after school to get help. I know so many people are busy so this might be tough but most schools will have resources like saturday school or they open early and have teachers who come in to tutor. at the end of the day though, prioritize you over your grades. You should still try but if you need the day to play video games and sleep, play video games and sleep.

to sum it up: stop comparing yourself to other people, compare yourself to you. only you know what you've been through and your level of growth. it's easier to be a happy teen when you arent worried what other people think. I hope this was useful!!!! thank you for reading if anyone made it this far.

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 20 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

DIVINER: Beta, I have a question.

DIVINER: But you don't have to answer if you don't want to!!

β: what

DIVINER: What was life like with the Zeniths??

β: i already told aloy

DIVINER: No, I know! I know you didn't really meet the Zeniths at all, that wasn't what I meant.

DIVINER: Sorry, I meant more, what was APOLLO like?? The source of all knowledge, personally teaching you?? It sounds grand!

β: it was

β: fine

DIVINER: Fine?

β: i barely know what to compare it to

β: it was like having two teachers who would sometimes forget about me to argue with each other

β: apollo was designed to teach teenagers so they knew to engage with me which is why i was able to grow up with a reasonable amount of social development

Zo: Oh dear.

β: but the lessons werent designed for just one student

β: sometimes they would order me to start a group project and glitch when they realized there was no one else

BoyNextDoor: What about books and stories? You said something about... watching plays? Did APOLLO act those out for you with holograms?

β: you people have been studying archives for weeks if not months how do you not know about television

DIVINER: Isn't that kind of a good summary of a show, though? Someone acting out a play for you to watch?

β: well

β: i mean

β: its not terrible

DIVINER: Varl, basically imagine television as a recording of a play that someone already acted out! It doesn't involve holograms.

β: usually

DIVINER: Oh? My people haven't found a single actual hologram story! I mean, they're called "holo-dramas" and so on, but we're pretty sure that's just a linguistic quirk?

β: they tried some 3d hologram shows near the end where you could walk around and interact with it like a diorama

β: they werent very good

DIVINER: Oh that's too bad!

HIMBO: ANY OF THESE TELEVISIONS ANY GOOD?

β: the word is shows

β: and yes

DIVINER: Much of the Old World was fascinated with shows and series! It was considered the normal way to pass the time during leisure hours!

HIMBO: LIKE RICH CARJA NOBLES SITTING AROUND EATING CORN AND WATCHING PLAYS?

DIVINER: Yes, actually!

DIVINER: Now imagine that every single person, from the poorest laborer to the highest king, had access to the same entertainment! That they could all watch these stories and enjoy them in their own homes! I can't even imagine the level of common, shared culture that would create!

DIVINER: Imagine being able to walk up to a Carja noble and strike up a conversation about the new drama that just started!

HIMBO: YOU'D BE ARRESTED.

FlameHairSavior: I thought Avad put a stop to that.

HIMBO: NOT FOR ANNOYING A NOBLE. JUST FOR BEING WEIRD IN PUBLIC.

FlameHairSavior: I've been to the Meridian markets. Being weird in public is not illegal.

BoyNextDoor: Case in point: Erend is captain of the Vanguard.

DIVINER: [KelsoBurn.gif]

Zo: Ha! I actually understood that one!

DIVINER: But Beta actually made a good point!

β: what do you mean actually

DIVINER: How have you not encountered any shows yet in the archives?? I know they're there!

ADMIN [GAIA]: High-resolution videos take longer to restore. Furthermore, most of them are not immediately relevant to the current mission. With the exception of Erend, no one has searched for any entertainment media besides books.

DIVINER: Movie night!!

FlameHairSavior: AFTER we save the world. We can't waste time on having fun right now.

HIMBO: AND EXACTLY HOW MANY STRIKE PIECES DO YOU HAVE?

FlameHairSavior: That's...

FlameHairSavior:  Totally different.

MARSHAL Kotallo: I agree. Strike is a contest of skill, teaching strategy, forward-thinking, and patience. It is important training.

DIVINER: No, a movie night is totally important!!

DIVINER: It's, uh...

β: context

DIVINER: Yes! The Old World's entertainment provides valuable context for their culture, thus making it easier to understand the full meaning of any educational materials we might come across!

Zo: Hm, that's a good point.

BoyNextDoor: I still don't see the appeal of a stuffed animal, so I'm probably missing context all over the place.

HIMBO: I LIKE MY FIGHTING SHOWS, BUT I'LL WATCH SOMETHING ELSE IF ANYONE IS UP FOR IT.

FlameHairSavior: [IGiveUp.png]

FlameHairSavior: Fine, I'm not going to stop you.

HIMBO: OH NO, YOU'RE PART OF THIS. WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK AT BASE?

FlameHairSavior: ...tomorrow night at the latest. There's a vista point I'm hunting.

DIVINER: [FangirlSquee.gif]

DIVINER: Okay, okay, Beta, where should we start?

β: i have no idea what anyone will like

DIVINER: Ummm... Star Trek?

β: are you trying to confuse them

DIVINER: Fair, fair... MLP? Gen 4, of course!

β: what

β: no that would be worse

β: no cartoons

HIMBO: WHAT'S A CARTOON?

β: moving pictures

HIMBO: ISN'T THAT THE ENTIRE THING WE WERE JUST DISCUSSING?

β: no

DIVINER: What about early MCU?

β: should probably just throw out any sci fi or fantasy for now

DIVINER: Yeah, I suppose you're right...

DIVINER: That's literally 99% of my library, though.

β: the archive has to have thousands of episodes of police procedurals

DIVINER: Do you REALLY want to start teaching them Old Ones culture through Law and Order: SVU?

β: fair

BoyNextDoor: Are you actually naming real things, or just throwing out random words and letters to make us feel ignorant?

DIVINER: Oh, I've got it! Psych!

β: you want to confuse them with psychic powers

DIVINER: FAKE psychic powers!

β: do you think that will be better

DIVINER: [Pout.gif]

DIVINER: Fiiine.

MARSHAL Kotallo: This does not seem productive to me.

HIMBO: NAH, THIS IS ABOUT HOW IT GOES WHEN TRAVELING SHOWS ASK FOR SUGGESTIONS.

DIVINER: ...Love Actually?

β: …

β: maybe

DIVINER: [VictoryFistPump.gif]

BoyNextDoor: Aloy, you've had your Focus for years. What was your first... show?

FlameHairSavior: Just one Focus takes a lot longer to restore a video. Sometimes years. I barely had a handful by the time I left the Sacred Lands, and I hadn't even watched all of them, because I didn't really understand them, and sometimes they were still too corrupted.

BoyNextDoor: But you did watch a few, right? What was your first?

FlameHairSavior: Something called Hunger Games.

DIVINER: …

β: …

DIVINER: That explains so much.

β: yeah

BoyNextDoor: So we'll start there?

DIVINER: NO.

β: no

FlameHairSavior: Yeah, no.

MARSHAL Kotallo: I vote for Love Actually.

β: you dont know what it is

MARSHAL Kotallo: It's a swift resolution to this problem.

DIVINER: That's fair.

β: fine

ADMIN [GAIA]: The 2003 British romantic comedy Love Actually is not currently in the archives.

DIVINER: What?? But I saw it!

ADMIN [GAIA]: That was only a restored copy of a synopsis.

DIVINER: [Exasperation.gif]

DIVINER: Fiiine.

DIVINER: ...Psych?

β: no

FlameHairSavior: ...I have a feeling this is going to go on for a while.

HIMBO: IT'S MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER THEY END UP PICKING!

Chapter 20 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[olympeline]

Wanted to ramble a little more about this ask because it got me thinking about fandom trends and culture. Which are subjects I’ve always found very, very interesting.

When it comes to any kind of divide in fandom, like Hetalia’s UKUS v. USUK, I stand by my statement that the vast majority of fans on either “side” are chill and nice. Just normal people enjoying a hobby respectfully. Mature enough to recognise that the opinions of others don’t have to upset them because they’re not obligated to accept them.

Like so many things in life, the problems only start to come in when people begin treating fandom too seriously. Passion in your hobbies is good. Your hobby affecting your mental state in a negative way is not. “Too much of a good thing makes it bad,” and all that jazz. The older I get, the more I think this happens in fandom because of two things: projection and insecurity. Which causes a breakdown between “this interpretation isn’t for me” and “this interpretation is wrong.” Though admittedly even that’s not as simple as I just made it out to be. Some interpretations are wrong…if you want to stick close to canon. Like if you said America hates fast food and Canada is loud and eye-catching, that is an interpretation that is canonically “wrong.” If you want to write the NA twins that way it’s perfectly fine, but it is OOC compared to how they were originally. How close a person wants to adhere to canon varies from individual to individual. We all pick and choose when it comes to which parts of a character or ship we like. That’s normal. Fandom would be pretty boring if all we cared about was adhering to canon. Actually if we did that, I’m not sure there’d be any fandom at all.

I think it gets messy when people start to project onto their favourite character and so change them to fit that interpretation. Without being secure enough to admit they’re doing it. Or emotionally well enough to understand why they’re doing it. Instead they get hostile and passive aggressive and make posts about how they have the “right” interpretation. Which is different from people posting about why they like a ship or character, I want to make that very clear. UKUS isn’t my preference but if I see some pretty UKUS art on my dash, or stumble on a well written post about why the author likes UKUS, that’s still a pleasure for me. Someone being arrogant and posting about why UKUS is better? That’s a paddlin’ block. I can tell that person is going to be a pain. Even if they make some good points, I still don’t want what they’re offering. It’s all tone and attitude and the people who tend to have the rudest tone and worst attitude are insecure projectors. I’d rather talk to someone who disagreed with me but was nice about it, than endure some tit with a bad attitude who shared my opinion. Discussion and debate in fandom is fun if done respectfully. Discourse is a pit full of tits.

UKUS shippers are more vulnerable to acting like this because America has replaced England as the character people project onto the most. On tumblr, at least. Not sure about other sites because this is the only social media I have. It used to be the other way around, which is why the extremely “uke-fied” England was so ubiquitous in the past. The Western fandom followed on from the Japanese one and took their projection cues from Japanese BL fans who love the hardcore seme/uke tropes. These days the Western fandom is doing its own thing and now it’s more common for fans to make America their projecting character.

For a certain kind of emotionally unhealthy fan, this comes with problems because USUK is closer to canon than UKUS is. Not canonical because no pairing in Hetalia is canon except maybe GerIta. Closer in that USUK “fits” with canon better than UKUS does. I don’t think that’s a very controversial statement. If you’d never heard of Hetalia and someone described America and England and finished with: “Which one of these two would be more dominant if they were in a relationship?” I think it’s a safe bet most people would say America. Real life relationships are complicated in which partner is more dominant and why. Media and fandom are simplified and trope-ified for clarity and brevity. England has more “sub/bottom/uke” tropes to him than America does. The whole point of a tsundere is for them to eventually get softer and be “tamed” by someone brave enough to get close and break down their walls. So in terms of pure canonicity and nothing else: USUK > UKUS. Whether this makes USUK the “better” version varies from fan to fan. Some people hold canon in high regard, some don’t care at all. What being further from canon does do is give UKUS a streak of insecurity that USUK never had. You can tell because when Hetalia was at its peak, USUK shippers weren’t aggressive about their top/bottom preference because they didn’t need to be. Badly behaved, maladjusted USUK shippers saved their vitriol for FrUK instead. They already had the “closer to canon” argument on their side. They lashed out at their main rivals and started piss annoying ship wars instead.

So UKUS fans project onto America like USUK fans did (and still do) England. No problem yet. Until an unhappy fan who doesn’t like themselves starts doing it too much. Maybe the rest of this post is rubbish, but this part of the argument is a hill I will die on. So much fandom wank comes from miserable, self-hating fans projecting hard onto their favourite characters. Then taking any criticism of their interpretation of that character as a criticism of them. Since they’ve made that character into themselves, even if they don’t realise it. An unhealthy coping mechanism, basically. How many times have you seen a post with an unpleasantly arrogant tone about the author being “right,” only to look at the rest of their blog and think: “Wow, this person is one bad day away from their next suicide attempt.” Not just about UKUS, but any less canonical take in any fandom. Secure, happy people don’t feel the need to boast.

If you want a non-shippy example of this happening with America, his weight is a good one. Canonically, America isn’t fat. Any time his shirt is off we can see he has washboard abs. Nation-people gaining weight as their populations get fatter doesn’t seem to be a thing in Hetalia. They weigh more but stay slim because magic. The US has big problems with obesity, if you’ll pardon the pun, so if fans want to bend canon and make America actually look fat, it’s a logical step. No problem yet. If a fat fan wants to do stuff with fat America inspired by their own experiences, that’s potentially an interesting take. Still no problem. If an insecure fat fan, deep in self-loathing over the way they look, starts doing this? This is where it can go bad. America has become “them” and so any criticism of their a-canonical fat portrayal of him riles them up. Like it would if a stranger walked up to you and started lecturing you on your personality. Worse, it reminds them of the misery in their own lives that they can’t control. Misery they’re trying to escape by using America as their unhealthy comfort character. “I’m fat and I hate it but America is fat and gorgeous and loved! How dare you try to ruin my his happiness by not agreeing this portrayal is better!” People in all fandoms do this with weight but also other things like: race, sexuality, gender, etc. Anything that makes them angry at the world and themselves. Comfort characters are fine and dandy in moderation. Comfort characters as a substitute for dealing with feelings of self-hatred are definitely not. That’s when healthy fun turns into a poisonous coping mechanism. Denying reality because you can’t bear to face it is never good. Even if it’s something as small as refusing to acknowledge your interpretation of a character has less or no basis in canon. This is a hard left website and it gets even worse when these fans try to shore up their arguments and silence criticism with the language of social justice (“Don’t like my fat America?! What are you, fatphobic?!”) but that’s a whole other can of worms.

Getting back to UKUS, Tumblr’s userbase is mostly young, hard left-leaning, queer or queer sympathetic, American women. America the character is some of these things but not all of them. He’s kinda sorta young (if you go by his “human” age of 19), kinda sorta queer (plenty of ship-tease in canon, mostly with England), and he’s definitely American (duh, heh). When tumblr fans project onto him, it usually involves them changing him in ways that give him more of the traits they have but he lacks. The American stereotype is definitely more right-leaning than left (guns, bibles, capitalism, yeehaw!) at least outside the US. Which is the stereotype Hima would have been exposed to. Take it from a resident of the Old World. The left-leaning American fans can’t identify with this. So they nudge him further left to make him more palatable to them. Women take a more submissive role physically (mentally varies from couple to couple) in sexual intercourse. Unless it’s two women or there’s pegging involved. Just from the mechanics of being the one who receives rather than the one who gives. So projecting fans want America to take the “female” role and be on the bottom. Exactly the same as the Japanese BL fans wanted England to do when they projected and uke-fied him. Birthing the (in)famous “super submissive, super exaggerated tsundere” fanon!England that some fans dislike so much. Also, yes: the most tiresome bottom!America-thumping UKUS fans tend to be some of the most vocal uke!England critics. Never noticing how transparent the walls of their houses have become as they toss their rocks.

So, to sum up this long ramble, I think the reason the small minority of UKUS shippers get that annoying and controlling reputation anon mentioned is because they’ve fallen into the unhealthy projection trap. They want their personal, fanon America to distract them from the unhappiness of their real lives. This portrayal has become a crutch to them and anyone who questions it - even mildly - makes them furious. Try to take an addict or emotionally compromised person’s coping mechanism away and they’ll lash out. My closing statement, professor:

Vast majority of UKUS fans on tumblr: chill dudes having a good time and existing cheerfully alongside their USUK sisters 👍

Very small minority of “America is me! I’m emotionally compromised, use fandom as a crutch, probably have daddy issues up the wazoo, and enough self-loathing to give an incel a run for his money! My interpretation is best and ANY ATTACK ON IT IS AN ATTACK ON ME AND ALSO PROBLEMATIC!!” UKUS fans on tumblr: annoying, unhappy people who should take a break from fandom and go get therapy ASAP for everyone’s sake, including their own 👎

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Have you done any watches of the pokemon arcs and talked about them? Someone I'm mutuals with discussed doing that for AG arc. I'm considering doing it for the DP arc since I still consider it my favorite arc in the franchise.

Aww, sorry, I was a child getting into fandom when AG was starting in Japan, social media was at its infancy too... i didn't even have a livejournal yet. I don't do full series rewatches either. But I am very fond of the Contest arc, Haruka/May and Masato/Max, the humour, and the warm and tropical colour palettes. I also adored the hoso specials (the Side Stories that got dubbed as Pokemon Chronicles, although the dubs for those were... infamously much worse than the TV series in script quality and accuracy), I used to downloa the specials and watch them in Japanese while slowly learning Japanese bit by bit because no subbing group took Pokemon seriously enough to sub it outside of banned episodes, specials, and movies...

It was a unique time, I think!

Rescue Ralts! Hurry, Masato!/Do I Hear a Ralts? remains one of the best episodes of the anime, period. The Wishing star of Seven Nights: Jirachi was my old favourite pokemon movie before Lucario!! I love that the dub kept KAORI's singing for May and part of Chiisaki Mono in Japanese.

AG is criminally underrated, despite introducing concepts popular in fandom, like Hadou/Aura. Satoshi apologizing to Lucario after seeing his memory of apparently being abandoned by Aaron was the turning point for me where I truly felt Satoshi mature as a person and become much kinder and more patient. He was so prone to fighting people, he was much more of a (pint-sized) hotblooded shounen protagonist before that, but I adore the all-loving hero he grew into. How he helped Hikozaru/Chimchar heal in DP, how patiently he dealt with both Shinji/Paul and Shootie/Trip being jerks to varying degrees compared to the way he was before (solution: run screaming and throw himself at whatever problem exists, fists flying), the growth I personally cared about was visible even in the first episode of BW! where he's annoyed or exasperated by what he encounters, but keeps his temper in check and just makes faces in disapproval, fff.

He can still, of course, fight those who deserve it, like Largo's bullies and Sauboh/Faba.

So, yeah, I loved AG! It also has one of the only battles to ever excite me (anyone who knows me, knows I HATE Pokemon battles, they make my eyes glaze over... it's just not interesting to me unless a fight has, like, swords or something—I really do watch Pokemon more for the cute friendship stories, ships*, and idealized humans living in harmony with nature and other non-human creatures setting)... it was Haruka VS Shuu in the kanto Grand Festival! I was literally on the edge of my seat. I loved seeing her surpass him and his little look of approval and smile before she went from concern to happily celebrating with Wakashamo/Combusken. They had a beautiful story arc going from him looking down on her (while gifting roses like he's harboring a secret crush, fff), to respecting her as an equal, even dropping the -kun honorific he used to use after her name, when he saw her as a kouhai/underclassman and himself as her senpai/upperclassman, and moved to calling her just "Haruka"... after she saved his life, I believe!

I feel like that was Pokemon's best written romance amongst th main characters, it didn't overtake her story arc, it added to it and she still had her goals outside of that, it only added to her growth and story. ^^ It was innocent and sweet.

I am convinced that "for Agehunto/Beautifly" line is how Satoshi saw through Kasumi/Misty's lie in the final series.

I also adore the episode were Haruka and Nyasu/Meowth go back in time and save a man's life and improve a whole town (?) by doing so. It was a fun, moving episode.

The dub harmed this a bit with music choices and voice acting, but from the look of things, people still found it quite emotional (I still vastly prefer the original, no contest!), so Arbok and Weezing's release episode. Interesting that poacher Ryo/Rico was one of the last criminals shown using a real world gun and modern day weapon... maybe also because it doesn't look familiar to a lot of people as a real firearm...

*I got into Pokemon and Sailor Moon via a Rocketshipping fanfic set in the Silver Millenium when I knew nothing of both series and was used to only reading Harry Potter fanfic as an 11 year old! The secret backstory, pffft. So I watched for TR. ^^

I used to review Best Wishes! episodes, the earliest reviews were on my livejournal ( http://inkedfeathers.livejournal.com ), later mini reviews were on my now deleted tumblr blogs, but some reblogs exist... some DP episodes too! BW! was my favourite.

[nancydrewwouldnever]

I am the anon who mentioned this isn't PR, wouldn't be good PR , Backgrid, how the fandom wondered why Chris doesn't have the same career as his peers, and wasted potential. I'm going to get into observations I've made since coming to the fandom in 2020 after watching Snowpiercer.

I feel further validated by the latest events.

What we're seeing is the Chris before Marvel PR cleaned him up. He was always a fuckboi pre Marvel. He hasn't changed or evolved. He surrounds himself with yes people who never challenge him or encourage him to level up because they know if he did they would get left behind and lose the freebies he gives them. The saying "You're the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with" applies here. His friend group appears to be immature, thirsty, and too overly involved in his life. Just because they knew him before fame doesn't mean anything. I think there have been quality women he dated who were turned off by his clique of friends always in their business and face. Not to mention the same vacations, the same restaurants, the same everything. Groundhog Day. Who wants to date someone like that?

I didn't realize Jim Toth use to be his agent. Look at what he did for his wife Reese Witherspoon. Reese gave an interview explaining that she had aged out and was unhappy with her career. She said Jim pushed her to create her production company which she did. She also used Jim's connections to launch Draper James, her book club, podcast, and other ventures. Jim also helped rebrand Matthew McConaughey. He had the Golden Year for Dallas Buyer's Club and True Detective. He turned down the Wolf of Wall Street that got Jonah Hill an Academy Award nomination because of money. I'm sure Jim tried to get him to the next level.

Chris directed one movie. It didn't get the response he wanted yet he didn't seek directing gigs on television to hone his skills. Denzel Washington directed episodes of Grey's Anatomy. Other actors and actresses have done the same. Defending Jacob didn't get awards recognition so he returns to comfort zone of romantic comedies and action films instead of trying again with the drama genre. Look at his ex Jessica. She created her production company when she didn't get the roles she wanted. The Sinner and Candy changed her career for the better. Chris is capable of so much more with his career. He gives up after one try.

The latest mess is just his immaturity and wanting to be a rebel. He'll retreat when he becomes a punchline while being compared to Dane Cook and John Mayer. That's where this train is headed if this goes public. He has coasted off his reputation for being kind to fans, crew members, and staff. That gets celebrities a lot of leeway with fans when we have other celebrities who make staff and fans miserable.

His messiness is more on display due to social media and not having Marvel backing him. Studios heavily invested in certain actors and actresses always keep their PR image intact.

He will either become a cliched joke or find his own version of Amal Clooney.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, Anon. (BTW, would you like to pick an emoji for future use as an ask tag?)

I do think people don't understand how much benefit he got from having two PR teams, Disney and Megan, cleaning up behind him from 2011-2019. We've already seen the "oopsies" that have started happening once Disney/Marvel dipped out. And now that he's full-blown in the messiness of a mid-life crisis, who knows what else we'll see.

But, I'm not seeing anything over the last couple of days that changed my mind from "situationship" that has PR angles unfortunately attached. I don't think it makes it somehow more special that he coasted up in NYC for some Broadway shows when he's got some filming downtime. If nothing else, to me it just makes it look even more like an arranged meet-up.

[gen4grl]

Wheeze, here we are at long last before I have to go into College/Life lockdown again. You won't believe how much can happen in a month and the huge projects that lie ahead, but anyways! - It's cool how you have a PHD in Silver Handling. The closest acronym I could get for that was calling it a Psy.D (precarious Silver yeeting doctorate LOL) anyways you're so right, good analytic potential AND its interesting that it's him being Giovanni's son that you point out. I like that bit too, and I'd love to hear what about it makes it so dope to you :D - Twitter is the trenches </3 glad you like it here more :3 tumblr is THE place for neurodivergent folks like us and HARD AGREE on reading game dialogue. its my favorite lore hunting technique. I cannot fight Gyms until every inch of that city has been explored. - Literally bouncing up at down at the mental imagery of Leaf sitting at a blocky computer with Bill. I can just vaguellyyyy reach out to that era through memory, of idk, images, did I ever see them in person? in dreams? all I know is that even in the early 20s the age of dial-up phones wasn't instantly forgotten. maybe at someone's house. but there is SO much 90s to project there and it can be so enjoyable. nostalgia + growing up + that one era that is more romanticized in retro aesthetic and the social culture bc that's how the neighbors eldest daughters grew up and how do we, in modern times, achieve that? - if it's controversial, nobody's yapping about it when it comes to other characters lol. Leaf is pretty consistent if you keep an open mind so taking from other media 100% makes sense. I do it too :P oooh Silver and Leaf meeting on 5 island I love that!! aw man, with the Rocket base and that Scientist I'm just full of giggling here. Pff, Archer is going to get his butt kicked by the boss's son's friend HA tfw the same kids you see running around take down TR - oh I like how you bring the environment and economy into it, solid reasoning for moving + Pallet connects to the ocean that leads to Cinnabar, no? but yeah :D great customer base, little homey place but close to Viridian and the Indigo Plateau as well, plenty of people stopping by! omg Leaf coming from the hair sprouts 😭 oh that's clever I like it! - really enamored with the Bill + Leaf aspects of your story, it's just really speaking to some deep corner of my soul's memory. im so stoked somebody else likes this haha my Leaf is a bit more politically motivated (at least in one universe lol, bc it's the anime which is an utter disaster and she wants to be Champion to clean house and heal the economy) but also someone oughta do something bc Lance is working like 5 different jobs 😭 also, I can imagine with most of your HCs centered around character relationships they might feel like a hard sell compared to cold facts and I 100% feel you. so much of my fic is just character dynamics nobody else would get it LOL. but I'm honored you have so much you'd want to yap about it. fully encourage and love yapisodes - I looked at your Silver post and you said it's only if you're playing as Red but good news, Scientist Gideon STILL asks that if you play as Leaf. He says "Giovanni's kid" not his son :D - at the time you asked that, I was writing 6.1k of a chapter for another fandom, but lately I've had Leaf on the brain again and rlly want to get a solid outline for that series going. <-- the kind of yapping better suited for DMs lol. yess, love seeing how the Pokemon world is connected in media. utterly obsessed with Gen/Evo Specials, you can imagine the cheering when Silver's episode dropped 7 years ago he's so <3 <3 <3 if you like Silver + Leaf sibs then you feel like someone I can smuggle into Dad Lance city that doesn't leave her out, but hey. oldest daughter problems maybe if we incorporate the tendency to focus on Kris/Lyra/Ethan and thanks to Masters, LILLIE?!?!? <-- understand Johto kids but LILLIE???? and every time I see Lance with Red/Blue I'm like "aight, so I gotta fill this vacancy myself"

helllloooo first of all i want to say sorry for taking so long to get to this😭 my last couple months have been a mess and i’ve been dealing with annoying health issues (in every way). i apologise if this reply isn’t as long or thorough as usual🤧

i think what i like about the silver giovanni connection so much is how well it connects johto + kanto story wise. johto to me is still a very undeveloped and lowkey forgotten region unfortunately but silvers character is easily the shining part of the region. i also think it’s cool how he’s also connected to red (or leaf) due to the whole reason giovanni abandoning him being because of red/leaf’s defeat of team rocket, ultimately crushing his ego lol - just one big butterfly effect that i thoroughly enjoy :p and as stated in my post, i like despite how hard he tried not to be, silver was quite similar to his dad until the events of the the johto story. seeing his growth makes me so happy 🤧🤧🤧✨

lmao talking of reading game dialogue … the offical pokemon twitter account made this post for fathers day (i think…? my fathers day isn’t till september 🤷🏻‍♀️)

and the amount of people in the comments literally suprised gave me a stroke like??? lacey being clays daughter is explicitly stated LOL pokemon fans never cease to amaze me 😭😭😭

you’ve really got me thinking about kantrio in the 90s now LOL. i can see them all tryna message eachother on some aol type site and someone’s dial up cutting totally ruining their convos - most likely blue cause daisy wants to talk on the phone to bill or something … hmmm… ideas are brewing!!!! actually to sound old my family had dial up till 2009… insane😭😭 i used to get so mad at my mumma using the phone cause i just wanted to play club penguin LOL - oh and thx u for the compliment on the leaf + bill dynamic <3 bill is one of those random ass side characters that still is so iconic … i have so many hc’s for him too LOL no character can escape my headcanons

oh and i am the minister at the dad lance church!!! i’ve always seen him as not just a mentor to silver but the other johto kids and definitely the kanto trio before they grew up - that saying i still think as adults they turn to him alot since … half of them don’t have dads (both in canon and my hc LOL). i think as adults, the kantrio definitely have a more friend based relationship with him but as kids he definitely helped them through the spotlight that was put on them at such a young age.

ehghhh i very much apologise for this reply, my brain feels very disconnected from my body today and i feel like this hot mess of a reply shows LOL. again, i really apologise for the late reply. i wish you the best of luck with ur studies and writing ✨✨✨🩷🩷🩷