#i could rant about the issues theyre having with hours for so long

[bi-buck-coded]

Having a second job is nice, having extra income and a job where i get to actually socialize with my coworkers is nice. Until i have to go in with a migraine and be a Customer Service Girlie for 4.5 hours. And this is after completing 8 hours of my primary job where i had to stare at screens all day with said migraine. Like i dont regret having a second job, i just wish they gave me more hours on the regular bc right now if i call out sick i only get 10 hours this week which is barely anything

[glitchdollmemoria]

that last post mentioning masks got me thinking about how like... i quite literally cannot wear a mask at all times due to one of my disabilities. i TRY to wear one when i can but it isnt always an option for me, which fucking sucks because im terrified of getting sick and potentially worsening the very disability that prevents me from consistently masking. and hardly anyone masks anymore so its not like theyre helping to keep me or anyone else safe lmfao. to spell it out very plainly i am PRO-MASK so dont put words in my mouth here please.

i experience heat intolerance, as a symptom of some kind of muscle weakness fatigue issue that still hasnt been properly diagnosed. my body temperature runs warm, im overly sensitive to my environment, and physical activity makes it worse. if i overheat, my muscle weakness (and nausea, and brain fog, and-) will flare up and ill be forced to rest for what could range from minutes to hours to days to weeks to months depending on how bad it is. i have to take IMMEDIATE action when i notice myself getting too warm because i cant risk that, and taking immediate action includes removing anything i can thats keeping me warm, including masks.

so when i walk to work in the summer bc i have exactly zero alternate options? most likely cant mask right away when i come in unless the weather is cooler than usual, because i need to take like half an hour for my body temperature to go back to normal.

moving around more than usual during my shift? the physical activity is gonna increase my temperature and ill have to take my mask off.

going somewhere other than work, having to either walk or take the bus? either way i have to spend time in the sun and so again i will probably need a cool down period once i get inside / on the bus, depending on how hot the weather is.

and theres an intersection here of my multiple disabilities and my poverty. i cant drive due to another illness, and i cant afford to use a rideshare service or even regularly take the bus, so walking in the heat is my only option to get to work. my work options are limited because i couldnt complete college and cant perform heavy physical labor, so i have to stick with a retail job that requires a lot of moving throughout the store, which itself is physical labor that can potentially make me sick if i go overboard.

mostly i just wanted to put this out there because i never really see people talk about actual reasons they cant wear masks, its almost always antimaskers who dont give a damn about people like me. but if you take anything from my ranting, let it be these two points:

while most people who dont wear masks are just making that choice because they dont like doing so or dont think its important anymore, a few of us out here literally cannot always mask despite knowing its a risk to ourselves and others; and

IF YOU CAN MASK PLEASE KEEP FUCKING MASKING. covid still exists! disabled people still exist! many of us are extra susceptible to the long term effects of covid! please fucking help to protect us! please give a shit about us! i feel like im shouting into the void here because i hardly see anyone mask anymore but please.

[foreverautumn89]

Cali storyline Pt 3//Jonathan/Wasted potential

At this point I'm just posting all recent rants about this subject because I never posted them. Usually I rant and then edit the hell out of all of it to narrow it down for you guys so I'm not repeating anything, but if I do that, these will never get posted at all so here ya go:

re-cap: So ppl are btcing constantly about how Cali storyline sucked/was a huge waste of time/Jonathan was a horrible person this season ext ext you know the usual---just to explain what I am complaining about:

In S4, Jonathan FINALLY had a storyline that was about HIM as a character. And yes the writers still messed it up because they pushed him to the background and gave him absolutely no screen time. But it was nice to see Jonathan being more than just Nancy's 'accessory' or 'prop' this time around. For once, Jonathan's storyline wasn't all about Nancy. It's actually everything I wanted from a Jonathan storyline:

Jonathan's storyline being about him growing as a person, him with his family, having scenes with him and Will and Mike again [[finally where its actually them interacting and not Nancy talking to them while Jonathan is quiet in the background], making a new friend ext.. instead of is entire storyline being about a girl he has feelings for.

And to be clear no this isn't me attacking Jancy or Nancy, it's just that Jonathan should have his own storyline and be a main character like he was supposed to be instead of a prop in the background that sits quietly and doesn't say anything most of the time in Nancy's scenes. He was supposed to be one of the main characters of this show. Not all the new characters. And since S1, new characters have came in and are more of a main character with more screentime than he has. I get the ppl in charge hate Charlie Heaton but if it was this much of an issue, then just re-cast Charlie. I don't want them to but if thats what they needed to do then make this work then it is what it is.

I still feel like we didn't even get to really know Jonathan yet and now the shows ending. Thats bs. This show was supposed to be about the Byers. Not everybody else that ever breathed in Hawkins. And the writers in the past are like 'well we dont have enough screen time to give to everyone' ok….so then STOP ADDING NEW MAIN CHARACTERS THEN EVERY SEASON WHEN THEYRE NOT NECESSARY...... or….you could make the show longer since a season of your show is only 8h long usually [S4 is just the exception AND another funny thing is that Jonathan/Cali still got barely any screen time even when they made the season a lot longer just want to point that out] But a season of their show is usually 8h long ONLY which is ridiculous. other shows like this are all 22 episodes/ 1h long making it 22h or more in one season. Even DW has at least 14 episode/14 hours worth of episodes a season. If you don't have a lot of screentime to give then stop adding new main characters I guess so you can give screentime to the characters you do have.

Everyone says they hate the Cali storyline/it was a waste it shouldnt have been in there at all: I feel the opposite. The cali storyline should have been a lot longer and it was bs that once again Jonathan who is supposed to be the main character was once again shoved to the background/given very little screentime/and ppl who are new to the show once again get more screentime than him.

So I was happy we finally finally we get to see Jonathan interacting with Will and Mike again which should have been the majority of the show to begin with btw. This show used to be about the Byers family and Jonathan and Will used to be main characters too. They should be front and center not in the background.

It also annoys me when ppl complain about the Cali storyline because its bad enough it only lasted 5 minutes, but you can't even let us have that without shtting on it every five seconds? You dont want to watch it cool then I guess skip over those whole 5 minutes that the Cali storyline actually got then.

I'm glad they finally gave Jonathan a storyline again especially one that contained what they should have been doing on this show the entire time. I continued watching ST in S2 BECAUSE I thought that Jonathan was going to continue being a main character and he was going to have all these scenes with Will and the boys and I wanted to see what Jonathan was gonna get up to next and what kind of adventures Jonathan was going to have. And I got really excited when I saw Samantha chatting him up at the Hallloween party. And then he was just turned into a prop in the background who had barely any lines and no screentime. There is so much wasted potential on this show when it comes to everything Jonathan.

[marshmallowprotection]

hii i want to request a matchup if ure still doing that!!

my name is eda, i go be he/she and im bi, my love language is quality time and acts of service, im intp 5w4 sp/so and leo sun

im super socially awkward lol people ussually think i dont want to talk to them, at first they think im intimidating or judgy but im actually really open minded and caring for the people im close with i just dont rlly like strangers being clingy w me thats just annoying

im not really good at showing emotions and care but i really do try my best;; i sometimes seem salty but thats my kinda way of showing affection when im not in the mood but still wanna somehow say i love you i just bad with words and i hate physical touch, but im also rlly touch starved and its in a loop lol

i sometimes just wanna be all by myself when someone gets really close during those"ghosting everyone" times i become distant with them its not on purpose but i just need a lot of alone time

i like listening people gush about their interests a lot i can listen my s/o ranting about their nerd stuff for hours and not even lose interest if theyre talking about that thing passionately it just so cute;;;

im able to sense peoples emotions, especially my close ones, i can read them like an open book they dont even need to talk and ill know whats the problem but even tho i know peoples feelings, i can never emphasize i just find it weird to show emotions, i dont tell them what i think about this and just roll with it but they seem to notice if this took for a long time and that ruins my relationships with people i cant get close to anyone because of this

my last break up was lack of communication in our relationship because it all happened too fast, im much more into a relationship where we would be much of a friend than a lover in the relationship and communicate about our feelings and thoughts so i need to get close to them slowly and this slow time is sometimes takes more than 6 months just to start dating and not just "hanging out as friends" its also because i have big trust issues lol

tw sh!! ive been struggling with ed and sh for a few years now but i honestly dont want my partner to worry about that, people think it sound unrealistic because this is about my health and even my life but i dont see any issues with these they become a part of my life atp i want my s/o to be able to not worry too much about it at least;; i just cant take confrontation id get scared and run away

im studying english literatue at uni and i part time work in an office as a translator, i live alone and im capable of doing everything i need in my life without help of family or anyone at all and when in a relationship i dont really depend on my partner too i like the independence but i like when my close ones rely on me because id do basically anything they need i like spoiling my close ones a lot

i think i said too much about myself sorry i dont really know how to do this lol have a nice day mwah :*

I match you with...

Jumin!

You’re the kind of person who wonders if you’re doing this whole life thing right. You second-guess yourself and don't know if what you're saying is going to interest somebody. It’s an insecurity you know you need to work on if you want to grow. Ideally, your goal is to be able to be happy with somebody that you don't have to be afraid of. You don't want to be afraid if they don't like you or don't want you the way that you want them. For that reason, you need somebody in your life who can never be misconstrued or misunderstood. In your case, that happens to be Jumin Han. Who else in this world is capable of making sure that there is nothing to be misunderstood? 

You get along so well because you both look at life the same way. You do things that need to be done without complaint and you generally don't ask for help. The one thing that the two of you could stand to learn would be to give up control now and again to those that you trust. It's okay to take a step back into the passenger seat now and again. You don't have to be afraid of something going wrong as long as you believe in that person you trust. That’s how Jumin sees you. He would never back you into a corner or make you do something that you don't want to do, but he would reasonably look at you and ask if you needed his help every step of the way just because he cares. 

[rsmrymnt-tea]

Thats so funny because I only dont care for lesson 16 and the lessons around it because i felt the resolution was a bit rushed in terms of everyone just suddenly being lovey dovey with MC cuz theyre descended of lilith. I would love to hear your thoughts on this when you get the chance!

honestly i WISH i were apathetic about lesson 16... but as a person being apathetic about something is impossible (sadly... it would bring me so much more peace if i could just not care) and so i do have a lot of thoughts about lesson 16? like bestie you've just unlocked a long long rant that's gonna be hidden under the cut

because it is just sooo absurd to me that that was somehow the best idea that the writers came up with, and the execution ended being so rushed and poorly written that it managed to make so many people think that the brothers only love mc and/or only started being open with mc about how much they adore them because of the lilith reveal. it's very much not like that at all (i have arguments for every single one of them tbh) but the way lesson 16 was written + some of the handling of some of the brothers' relationship to mc before that definitely makes more than understandable to me that people would think so.

so like, firstly i think that yeah, the resolution is so rushed and weirdly written. i think at the end of lesson 16, belphie should not be so immediately buddy-buddy with mc and there should've been dialogue from ALL the brothers that they're glad that MC is fine and isn't actually dead. the mammon favoritism from the writers kills me here—levi and beel should've said something about being worried to death and i won't take any other opinion on it! they've been close to mc and have had pacts with them for much longer than asmo and satan!! i can't even agree that asmo and satan wouldn't have been concerned because they were definitely worried when mc was sent back in time (as shown in lesson 12), and that is just a few hours away from the events of lesson 16.

not to mention, just a few hours before (technically after, but never got the chance to happen in the new timeline) they were called family—there is just no way that none of them are greatly relieved that mc is fine (because those feelings are there even if they're never said), and it's not enough that they're showing it through coddling them during that stupid scene where diavolo drops that 'there must be so much they've wanted to do for lilith' line.

in fact that line is another major issue i have with lesson 16—why did the writers think it was a good idea have that said? it just adds more to the 'oh they only love mc bc they're related to lilith' thing, and in a game where y'know, the goal is to kiss and fuck these guys, it's very weird and off putting.

(inb4 someone brings up that mc wouldn't have any blood relation to lilith and the brothers + it's been millennia (probably; but parts of canon imply that it's been like, just 200 years ago) since then so it's fine. idk but my inclination to fuck someone who drop super low if i thought/knew they associate me with being related to their sister, and it's also a little weird if they're thinking of their sister when they're with me—which isn't the case at all because the brothers very much love you outside of your lilith relation, but the handling of lesson 16 really makes it seem like youre now someone to project their affections for their long dead sister on sdgjkg especially with belphie being the only one to openly say that he doesn't like you purely bc you're related to lilith and that weird scene where lucifer's reminded of holding hands with his sister while he's holding hands with you at a carnival? such a baffling thing to make him say, writers. whatever blush i'd have would immediately drain from my face.)

i also think it's a fault of the writers that there is very, very little clear romantic attraction from the brothers to mc before the revelation. as far as i know, only mammon's been anything transparent + there's hints from lucifer and satan in lesson 12; i personally wouldnt count the time everyone was stuck in an otome because theyre were obligated to do all that or else they wouldnt be leaving the game and it was clear that they're all just saying those words to literally get points. they all make fun of mammon for having a crush on mc which sends the message that none of them are interested. while there is a huge, huge timeskip of what's apparently 10 whole months between the end of lesson 18 and the start of lesson 19, the fact that we don't get to see that development of feelings makes it feel even more like the revelation had something to do with the rest of the brothers catching feelings :/

then there's like, all the other issues i have with lesson 16 which have honestly become inspiration for dola's vitriol towards diavolo. it makes it so that all the of the heartwarming moments that mc experiences with the brothers never happened. all those little one-on-ones with the brothers when mc come back to the HoL with beel after belphie's arrested? never happened. all of them working together to get lucifer out so they can actually talk? never happened. and neither did that talk where lucifer himself tells everyone what really happened to lilith or why he's so loyal to diavolo, or the moment where mc is called family? erased. lucifer proving to diavolo and all his brothers that he cares more about his family than his eternal obedience to the prince? absolutely did not happened and is replaced by diavolo rubbing it in lucifer's face that he shouldn't have ever doubted him in the first place or some shit during lesson 16.

it's why i think mc should be so much more upset than they were during lesson 16. i get that the writers wont do that because ~blank slate~ (not saying cant bc lbr they lock you into choices and emotions you dont agree with ALL the time) but it leaves a sour and bitter taste in my mouth that after losing all of that, mc is just okay with everything. everything returns to almost normal, and we're actually in charge of making sure it goes completely back to normal! we have to help belphie bond with his brothers again!! great.

most frustrating somehow, all the things i come up with in trying to justify why that stupid lesson played out like it did feels like copium lmaooo especially since it feels like there's not really any payoff to diavolo ensuring that the only reality that exists is one where lucifer never openly opposed him in front of his brothers >.>;; it's such a weird lesson with such a weird conclusion, and an aftermath that i sped through because i could not get into the idea of my mc being so willing to help belphie bond with his brothers again so fast. i think with all the magical bullshit that they can make the brothers and diavolo pull bc OM has no rules to their magic, they couldve easily had mc come back from their mission to report that te door opened with their touch. then through some magical ritual of some sort, they go and investigate and find that lilith's spirit is just there and was the final sibling that enabled the door to open, and then diavolo channels enough magic through some obscure spell or device to get her to talk to them and belphie or whatever—literally there's so many ways that that lesson could've gone.

instead we have like... whatever the fuck that lesson is and i hate it lol

[ashleyetc]

i said i wasnt gonna rant about how fucking bad Eternals was but ive decided that i can bitch about this particularly bad mcu movie as a treat. this is long, but the movie is the better part of three hours so

okay so first of all, it starts off like, dumb. it starts off with a fucking opening crawl like its star wars with an explanation of how the eternals exist to fight for intelligent life blah blah blah but as someone over the age of 8 its immediately really apparent that this is gonna be bullshit and theyll have been unknowingly evil the whole time. like its set up so weakly and impotently that like at best it reads as an early draft.

in our first scene of the eternals fighting the deviants (this movie's cgi monsters, which i will say are at least more visually engaging than a lot of comparable ones. whoever animated them really wished they got to work on Annihilation and it shows in a good way) i immediately clocked that 'hey chiseled jaw white dude who can fly and shoot eye lasers looks pretty fucking sinister huh. oh god please dont' (spoilers, they very much do).

then it really starts with us seeing protag in the modern day. nothing about this section is interesting. i think we're supposed to find her and kit harrington cute as a couple, and i dont object to them, but hes never significant in this and spoilers for one of the aftercredits scenes literally only features so prominently because hes setup to be in Blade. there are much larger issues with this shitshow but thats a peak mcu problem right there

so then we get to the first fight scene in the modern day and i am immediately confused because for some completely unfathomable reason the black point is set absurdly wrong so fight scenes, at night, poorly lit, with a mostly black cgi monster, are completely illegible. this will continue to be the case throughout every scene not in daylight and it will never get better or make any more sense.

now predictably, we soon find out that oh no, the eternals have been working in service of the baddies the whole time, who want to cultivate intelligent life to hatch their kids. said bad guys, the celestials, are also like, gods effectively, in that they create and maintain the universe. we have no info on this outside of what one of them tells our protag tho so like weird dynamic. but anyways. for some reason half the eternals are like 'well yeah alright lets let it happen' and keep going back and forth on that which if this movie were written by someone who even pretended to give a shit could be an interesting concept.

moving on we continue to get the band back together and run into druig. now in a flashback we see that he led to them scattering across the planet when he went 'hey maybe we should stop genocide sometimes' and this started a big fight. so naturally, youre thinking ah yes this must be a more likeable member of the team. and thats a reasonable assumption! an understandable thing to think, really. except his powers are literally mass mind control of humans and while in earlier flashbacks he just uses these to like, stop fights and get ppl to chill out, when we see him in the modern day hes like, possessing an entire village in south america for his own little paradise? which is an absolutely deranged choice to make for a character we i think are at least not supposed to despise. like holy shit guys, you sure did that and have decided hes not the villain for it.

at some point we flash back to their original leader ajak deciding to actually stop the celestial from being born and killing earth, not because she thinks genocide in general is wrong- she is the one whose known the whole time this is what theyre doing- but because well it was earth ppl who beat thanos so i guess they should get a pass. like she is explicitly 'well these ones are good tho. no regrets on the other planets we've done this to that only i remember tho.' at this point she is killed by icarus, the chiseled jaw flying wite dude with superstrength and eye lasers. yup! its a But What If Superman Bad story now! we even have a scene where a child explicitly calls him fucking superman!!the hack writing here knows no fucking bounds.

did i mention sprite? the one who despite the fact theyre immortal (robots, we find out sometime in all this) is a 13 ish year old girl visually? when icarus decides to betray everyone and try to make sure they cant stop the celestial birth she joins him because she apperntly has always been in unrequited love with him. now this goes nowhere and serves no purpose other than to make me deeply fucking uncomfortable, but at least sprite is a user of illusion magic who literally stabs our protag in the back during the final fight. its discount loki!

oh also hephastus's whole deal is hes like, an artificer and has pushed human tech along and theres a fucking scene that blows my goddamn mind. where we see ajak comforting him as he weeps in the fresh destruction of hiroshima. where hes like 'oh god i did this humanity is awful and not worth saving blah blah blah' and its like. okay. this character, i cannot stress enough, is black. presumably, if he was instrumental in the atom bomb, was living in america. as a black guy. in the 1940s. and hes only just now starting to doubt humanity is all great and good? tell me the writers room wasnt as diverse as the cast without telling me the writers room wasnt as diverse as the cast. like in a good movie exploring these immortals who have lived alongside humanity for all of history debating whether humanity deserves to live, youd think the black one might have an interesting perspective or something to say about race. this aint that movie tho.

the climactic fight scene ends with such an impotent fart of a climax that i genuinely feel like i missed something. throughout the whole thing theres mentions of how sersi and icarus were in love for thousands of years, icarus only leaving her when he found out the truth of their mission and couldnt bear to be around her and not tell her. and in their final fight, he looks into her eyes, we see a flashback to an earlier scene of them getting married in like 200 ad or w/e, and he silently decides to fly into the sun killing himself (presumably).

this movie is 2 hours and 45 minutes.

i expect bad mcu movies. i expect dull, i expect propagandic, i expect humorless quips and half baked characters. i dont expect something so unpleasant and offensive to anyone who wants to actually think about anything happening on screen that it feels designed to be frustrating. the worst mcu movie previously in my opinion was thor 2, but its biggest sin was being painfully dull. this is worse. its painfully engrossing. i often enjoy watching movies i think are bad or whose ideas i disagree with, but this refused to even have ideas, really- it constantly threatened to but they never really showed up, at least not without being immediately contradicted. genuinely this is worse than Suicide Squad (2016). i would rather rewatch the snyder cut.

one of the worst things about it is how clearly it was calculated in some boardroom, that if we had a diverse cast we didnt need a good movie. like sure, we have plently of racial diversity, we have a mute character (genuinely unclear based on a particular scene whether shes deaf or not but she speaks via sign), we have a gay man raising a kid with his husband, etc. guess we dont need anything else. guess thats definitely the only thing that matters. and i know some incredibly stupid people will agree with that. you google it and get articles about how its doing so much good for representation and like. im reminded of when tumblr was like 'you gotta watch black lightning there are black lesbians' and nobody bothered to mention that the show fucking sucked (to be fair i think it was a cw show so thats on me for not assuming but).

anyways harry styles has a cameo in one of the post credits scenes. its charmless. 1/10 movie, both in general and for the mcu.

[zhuhongs]

oh god i honestly could cry rn im just so tired of everything. like it rlly Is August and im sick of being brave (rant incoming)

okay so like first thing rlly is this fucking job. like god i... its about equal the amt of money i make there plus one day at m/rshalls versus if i worked at marshalls my normal amt. so like... ok. and then theres just the sheer amout of atuff i need to do to prep for that job that i just dont get compensated for and like i still do the same amt as the other teachers but get paid less and have less hours. like What... why. and then theres just. the stress of the job bc i need to learn how to teach all year long and keep up the energy and i just. i cant do it. i dint think I'll be happy doing it. like rlly i may give it a month and its Not The Job For Me.. like. I'm rlly convinced. i remember snth myanager way e said to me before i trained someone and he said "you need to make sure they get it from the start bc if theyre lost at the beginning, theyre gonna be lost the entire time up until they leave." and thats how i feel abt this job. theyve lost me since the first day of training. rlly. i feel lost. and im gonna communicate that. and then i have this whole deal with my car that makes me want to cry on the spot. like its 1.3k to fix my car. and i font really understand why at all. like ik ive neglected it and that theres issues with it. but idk how it amts to that much. according to the technician, my engine mounts are all broken so my engine is shaking when u start it which us a huge issue and could cause the engine to explode p much if i dont do anything. and im just. okay well i gotta fix it. but jesus christ do i want to cry. its an used car i got a horrible deal on and i. i dont know if its worth ut. its nit fully paid off even so i cant sell it or trade it in i think and i just. i dont know what to do. i have the money for it. thank god. but still thatd be around half of my bank account. and i just paid my tuition and we just moved so money is tight on my mom and my rent goes up and i start in person classes so ill be spending a ton in gas and im just freaked out. and taking this job is honestly like a slight cut in my salary bc its pays biweekly and its like fjfjdjdjshfhdjsjsjs. im just trying to make good decisions for the long term so i dont burn out and nothing looks like its a good investment and i just wanna cry and my mom doesnt want to help me or even talk abt it bc shes also miserable and overworked. and also gets mad at me for overthinking but i cant help it. i dont want to live like i used to live when i could barely make ends meet. it was miserable and i dont want to ve miserable. i thought wverything was starting to look up but no its not!!! its rlly not!! idk how im gonna end up saving to build back up my savings (bc i have a feeling that the way im living rn will be unsustainable and ill be broke soon bc of rent and car payments and school) or how im gonna find a satisfying job after i graduate and im gonna cry. im gonna fucking cry. i. literally crying. i dont know what i want to do. i dont rlly want to teach or do art. and i sure as hell dont want to stay in retail and i know i dont need to have it figured put rn. im 21 with a job, a car, and a BA in progress. im doing really well but all i have is me bc my family cant support me. they have to support themselves so i have to be doing well!! i cant live otherwise. i just want the right answers and i dont know. like do i stick it out here and gain experience? but for what?!! i dont want to stay in this field. i just. i dont kniw. i dont know. i just want to be happy and i probably never shouldve taken the job bc i know ill hate leaving once i start bc ill feel bad for the kids. but its not my fault but i. but i. god. I dont want to be brave. i want to have everything figured out.

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

[tillman]

Can you tell me more about gawain and lancelot in the arthurian myths? I really ship then in FGO and I heard that they are bestfriends

ok this is straight up going to be an essay without the revisions so just a stream of consciousness on my thoughts of how their relationship is handled in both fate and then the legends themselves since fate pulls a lot yet changes some key aspects that really makes their relationship what it is. it kinda goes from a one sided pinning for an idiot who doesnt comprehend love to a more. theyre just bros. which kinda makes me upset anyways. under the cut. im so sorry for hwo long this is gonna be i have a lot to say about gawain and lancelot. 

ok honestly i think fgo handles their relationship pretty well from what ive seen. they genuinely are just bros too stupid to realize the other is flirting with them in their own ways which is fucking hilarious. i think the only thing that bugs me about how fate actually likes. has them interact is they remove like. the greatest bit of their friendship and i think make it just about the war between them at the end. i cant say for certain but from what i can figure out i think they reduce gawain and lancelots conflict at the end of the main story to just completely them fighting and gawain dying via lancelots wound? but i dont know for certain dont quote me on this. this both a) removes all the REAL tragedy of this situation of both of them just being really fucked up over grief and regrets stirred by arthur in the first place and b) completely ignores one of the best bit of gawain characterization in le morte, gawain forgiving his literal best friend on his death bed and pleading for his return, to come back and mourn for him, to try to save whats left of the world they both helped build and protect. in an adaptation of le morte (which fate lore mostly is) i think gawains final letter is NEEDED to complete his arc and his like. entire character since malory (and then thus fate) spends more time focused on lancelot. 

like just pulling from their dialog w each other in the My Room things, gawain talks about his regret and immaturity over... not forgiving lancelot? what . and lancelot just offers to play chess which is extremely funny. (on another note hwy does fate gawain hate bors. i ltierally can not figure this out at all why is he so mean to his best friends cousin theyre bros.... theyre bros!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

anyways now onto the legends because this isnt about fate. fuck fate i hate fate all of my homies hate fate. im gonna focus MOSTLY on le morte since that connects to fates version more and pull some quotes from other legends i have memorized but there is absolutely more, and the vulgate delves into it a bit more but i havent ... gotten that far im so sorry the prose merlin is kicking my ass. 

the thing to note is gawain (excluding guenevere) was kinda the first person to show lancelot respect when he came to court. gawain kinda took him under his wing for a bit, and they end up VERY close. they have a relationship built off of respect and understanding for each other and it ends up being one of lancelots only Real friendships throughout most legends since he has issues w communication and understanding intention that i could (and will) rant about for hours so i wont delve too into it rn. but like. theyre arthurs best knights basically. troyes will say otherwise and say eric and yvaine are better than lancelot but troyes is fucking stupid and a whore, and most sources will tell you its gawain and lancelot (most sources favor lancelot over gawain due to the french influence on some later literature, and le morte is on the lancelot side due to being pulled a lot from the post vulgate, which pulls from the vulgate, aslo called the lancelot-graal cycle. its a whole thing)

but basically for a lot of the main legends you have two Absolute Best Bros who would literally do anything for the other, one being extremely horny and the other being so hopelessly inept when it comes to communication he doesnt understand how love works. theyre a wonderful pair :-) im kidding theyre so fukcing stupid watching them interact is like watching a car crash. its fucking disastrous and you want to yell at them to just beat the shit out of each other homoerotically and understand their feelings (which they do! wow! shout out to le morte!) anyways to keep this from getting too long lets go over some fun gawain quotes about his Best Friend. Who he thinks about a lot. but like... in a no homo way. he swears.

anwyays uhhhhh to keep this short heres a fun compilation of gawain being gawain. and a pretty good overview of how how gawain talks about his Best Friend in a totally not gay way. its straight if he says no homo. 

in gawains death note, which i think is the peak of gawains character in le morte 

“Sir Launcelot; for of a more nobler man might I not be slain. Also Sir Launcelot, for all the love that ever was betwixt us, make no tarrying...”“And I require thee, most famous knight of the world, that thou wilt see my tomb.“

and then. for equality since i skimmed all of knight of the cart for this, have some good lancelot lines. for context some idiot locked him in a tower for a year and lancelot just does this the entire time

anyways: tldr lancelot and gawain are in love even if both of them are too stupid to realize it. thats basically their entire relationship. everything goes to shit after lancelot accidently kills gareth and gaheris because lancelot too thinks of them as his brothers and is so torn up about it he lets everything happen. gawain starts a war with him because he would rather die than face the music. like its insane.... they should kiss. fate kinda gets this ok, but i think they should have had them just more homoerotic at every given moment because they Are. thanks for listening to my ted talk. im sorry im like this. 

find u a bro to have a homoerotic duel with and live your best life babey

[heck-im-lost]

A Rainy Day

Pairing: Platonic LAMP (could be seen as romantic - theyre very gay)

Word Count: 1,391

Content warnings: small self-worth issues, crying, feelings of not being good enough, food mentions, mentions of skipping a meal (it doesnt end up happening, but mentioning it just in case)

Summary: Logan, Roman, and Virgil are out for the day, and Patton is home alone. He starts off keeping himself busy, but eventually the loneliness gets him down.       Patton-centric hurt/comfort

Notes: So I initially started writing this for @creativity-killed-thekitten‘s birthday, but then i didnt get round to finishing it until now. I know it is very late but hey, better late than never

Click here to read on AO3

Patton was sitting on his windowsill, warm blankets layered over his lap and a mug of hot chocolate steaming in his hands. The rain beat down on the window, and shook the trees with the sheer force of the water. Watching droplets stream down the cold panes of glass, he sipped his hot chocolate and sighed gently to himself.

He checked the time. It was only 4pm: the others wouldn't be back for another 2 hours.

He didn't like being by himself all day, and had tried to fill the long lonely hours with things to take up the time. He had made brownies and cookies, which were cooling in the kitchen. He'd cleaned all around the apartment, hoovering the floors and wiping down the surfaces. He'd tidied Logan's cluttered desk, taken all of the empty mugs back to the kitchen, and sorted the papers and notebooks into tidier piles.

He had ventured into Virgil's room, and opened the curtains and windows to let in some air, and had dusted all of the shelves and belongings.

And he had picked up all of Roman's clothes that we're strewn across the floor, putting them in the wash basket and washing everyone's things.

And then it had started to rain, so he had made himself his favourite rain-watching drink and had sat himself in his favourite rain-watching seat.

But it didn't feel the same when he was alone. And while he had tried to keep himself busy enough to outrun the loneliness, he couldn't help but let it catch up to him.

That's the problem with rain you see. It makes you think about things that you wanted to avoid.

The house seemed so quiet without the others around. Patton was used to someone always doing something. People talking or passionately arguing, in a friendly sort of way, or Roman singing or Logan ranting about the subjects he loved or the gentle hum of Virgil’s music playing in his room or so many other things.

But it was just him and the emptiness of the house. And the beating rain on the window.

Patton realised that tears had started to trickle down his face, slow at first, but then they started to stream more quickly, just like the rain outside. He couldn't hold it back, and sobbed. His crying fierce but silent, seemingly insignificant compared to the downpour outside.

Soon he had no more tears left to cry, and he leaned back against the edge of the window, tired. He put the empty mug of his hot chocolate down, and watched as the rainstorm calmed down slightly.

Gently closing his eyes, he listened to the regular beating of the raindrops, feeling the cold air from outside upon his face.

And suddenly his eyes shot open, his neck and back aching from his uncomfortable position. He jumped up. Only an hour until they would be back. Patton raced to the kitchen to put the cooling brownies and cookies into suitable containers, and started to wash up the bowls so that he could start making dinner. He wasn't going to have everything ready for them in time.

Burning his hands in the hot water, he frantically scrubbed, cursing himself in frustration. He had to be good enough for them. He scrubbed the largest mixing bowl before rinsing it and putting it on the drying rack with a thunk. He had to do enough to make up for the fact they were all doing important things while he was just at home. He tipped up the washing up bowl and the water sloshed out violently. Stupid Patton couldn't even be by himself for a day without feeling sad.

All he wanted to do was flop on the floor. All he needed was a hug, and a friend to talk to. But he had to do this for them. To show them that he was strong enough to cope by himself.

He started making dinner.

~~~~

Roman put his key in the lock, and dramatically opened the door.

"Paaat-tonnn we're hooooome!!!!" He paused for a second but heard no reply. They shared a look, and then Logan shrugged lightly.

"Patton? Are you here?" His voice my not have had the volume and reverberation of Roman's, but Logan's voice was clearer.

A small mumble was heard from somewhere in the house.

"I'm in the kitchen."

Virgil rushed in first followed by the others quick behind him. Patton was sitting on the kitchen floor, three hot steaming plates of pasta behind him on the counter.

"Are you okay, Pat?"

"I-" all of them could see that he was fighting tears from falling down his face. "It- It doesn't matter." He forced his face into a smile. "I made dinner. It was gonna be a better dish but I fell asleep so I didn't have time. I just made pasta, I'm really sorry. You probably needed something really nice after a whole busy day of doing important things. But silly old Patton fell asleep. I'm really sorry. Don’t worry about me. Just enjoy your dinner."

"Hey, hey Patton it's okay! The meals look fit for royalty! And your presentation is incredible as always. But you're more important than dinner, Patton." Roman sat down in the floor next to Patton and lay his hand on his leg, gently stroking it.

Virgil slumped to the floor too, leaning Patton over so that his head lay on his shoulder. And Logan knelt down with them, carefully taking Patton's hand, holding it safe and secure.

And with that the damn broke. Patton took deep harsh breaths, sobbing into Virgil's shoulder.

"I just wanted-" tears were streaming down his cheeks, wetting Virgil's hoodie, "to be good enough for you." He paused, and gripped Logan's hand tighter. "But I couldn't even stand a day by myself." And with that he cried harder, so caught up in his apparent failure that he couldn't see the loving looks in his friends eyes.

"Patton look at me," Logan instructed. "You are already good enough for us. You don't have to make us dinner or-" he looked around the room "clean up for us to be enough. Because just by existing you are incredible. You make me happier than all of the crofters in the world."

Virgil put his arm around Patton, cradling his head in his chest. "We all love you Patton, we're truly sorry that we had to leave you on your own all day. It won't happen again."

"You are the light in all of our lives Patton, you truly are. And your empathy, and dependence on others is a good thing, not a flaw. You love everyone so much, and you make us, make me at least, feel special and loved and happy. Come on, let's get you up off of the floor." Roman jumped up, and held out a hand, which Patton graciously took.

Logan stood up, and then looked puzzled for a second. "Where is your dinner Patton?" He remarked, gesturing to the three plates on the counter in front of him.

Patton looked at the ground and muttered, just loud enough to hear "There wasn't enough pasta for 4 of us, and I wasn't very hungry so I thought I'd just skip out. I thought that you probably deserved it more than me, with the work from today and all."

"Now that isn't acceptable at all now is it, my prince? And anyone can see that you have been working just as hard us today.” He looked Patton in the eyes, with a face that could barely hold the love for his friend. “We had a lunch a little late, so I'm sure we'd be happy with a little less food, it's much better to share what we have than skip someone out."

Logan and Virgil set off replating the dinner, and Roman pulled Patton to the couch, gesturing for Patton to sit on his lap. Patton slumped down, sighing softly as Roman hugged him tight, before releasing slightly to rub his back.

And with that they sat down at the table, Roman never stopping stroking Patton's leg under the table as they ate. Patton smiled to himself, happy enough to just listen to the others talking about their day.

They were home safe and sound, with him, and they loved him after all.

[cerulean8looded]

25!!!!!!!!

okay that one i literally made bc i look like john, love just dance, and want to be loved but here we fuckin go

25. John being a just dance twitch streamer and all the boys being gay for it i mean youtubers au

so im thinking that all of them make WILDLY different content. lets start with the beta kids.

so john has a gaming channel, clearly, and he decides he wants to lose some weight in a fun way that also helps his channel, so he starts the just dance thing. other than that, he mostly plays things like minecraft, five nights at freddys, all your basic bitch stuff, along with a fair few horror games. he really likes minecraft and sims 4 though.

rose has a witchcraft channel. she practices witchcraft and makes videos about spells and sigils and crystals and all the other cool stuff that goes along with that. i dont know much about witchy stuff anymore, its been a while since i was into that stuff, so id have to do a bunch of research for her.

dave has two channels: irony channel and music channel. the ironic one is where he posts anything to do with sbahj, and just generally fucks about, does weird trends and stuff. he never shows his face on his music channel, never shares his name, and it’s all remixes, so no one hears his voice either.

jade has the most chaotic but pure channel. she does anything she feels like doing, from kids show reviews to “Look at this cool pumpkin i grew” to “heres my favourite gun”. she has no theme, and never plans to change this.

Trolls

aradia is similar to jade in chaotic energy, but she tends to stick to stuff like creepy antiques she finds, weird animal bones from the fields she just wanders about in and that kind of odd stuff. she also talks about dark conspiracy theories a bit.

tavros mostly focuses on animals; animal care, animal facts, how to spot animal illnesses, how to deal with hostile but injured animals in the wild, what to do if you see an animal you think might have rabies, all that kinda shit. theres always at least one animal in every video, whether its a ferret in his lap, a cat walking over him, a snake around his neck, a guinea pig on his shoulder, and so on.

sollux does a gaming and tech help channel. he plays any game that people claim is difficult and tends to beat them so fast people think he’s hacking. he slaves over every fnaf game to try to beat the custom night first. as for tech help, hes basically that guy who runs the channel on how to fix discontinued apple products.

i lost my fucking karkat paragraph, im furious. basic recap of what i lost: he does general content like dan howell and phil lester kinda, with a couple staple series, such as his rant series, where his followers give him a topic and he rants about it for about twenty minutes (after editing). he also does livestream versions which can sometimes last for several hours per rant.

nepeta does cosplay videos with whoever she can rope into helping her (usually terezi, vriska, equius, or feferi) plus a lot of fandom videos in general. she usually comes off really lighthearted in her videos, but she also makes a lot of important comments about fandom culture and shipping wars etc. on her second channel she does vlogs, which exposes her absolute gremlin side. these vlogs often feature things such as her climbing up a tree, getting stuck, and screaming until equius saves her.

kanaya does makeup and fashion advice videos, mostly with a vampire theme to them. occasionally she’ll do cosplay makeup too. her favourite videos to do are when her subscribers send in pictures of themselves and their closets, along with some general information on what they wont wear and all that, and she gives them advice on how to spruce up their look a little and declutter their clothes, etc. she likes feeling like shes making a difference to people.

terezi focuses on true crime mostly; cold cases, current cases, sometimes she runs through the process of solved cases. she prefers to do unsolved stuff, since it gives her the ability to talk about her own theories on it, and she does often get it right, but for particularly interesting cases she will do a video anyway. she also does a little bit on mental health and the reasons behind crimes and shit.

vriska is another kinda general youtuber. she does whatever the hell she wants, plus anything anyone says she cant do. she also lets some of nepetas fandom stuff leak into her content. no one really knows how she got so many subscribers. she also has the most merch out of all of them.

equius makes videos on whatever happens to be his current hyperfixation at that moment. hes the most inconsistent. one week hes picking apart the homosexual subtext in certain scenes of jaws, the next hes teaching you how to put together a microwave. he does a lot of lgbtq+ videos too; his most popular video is of him and nepeta and some others at pride and most peoples favourite part is nepeta racing around a small clearing with equius on her back while vriska cackles behind the camera

no one is really sure what gamzee actually does. his videos are all filmed on a phone camera and are never edited. he doesnt have an intro or an outro. sometimes it seems like he forgot to start filming until halfway through whatever he was talking about, but he never repeats the bits the camera missed. theres no theme, no clear goal, no one knows whats happening and theyre pretty sure hes high in every video. one time he posted a video that was over 48 hours of the phone just pointing at a wall, which appeared to be covered in blood just out of sight of the screen (as in you could see the edge of it but not the actual blood) and there appeared to be a hand sitting at the corner of the screen. everyone was fucking terrified for a while, but the next video posted to his account was karkat explaining that hed had a bit of a mental break and thrown a jar of jar at the wall (the “blood”) and that the hand was just a doll. hed taken out his phone to film a vent video, but promptly forgot about it, dropped it, and went to do something else. he finally remembered over two days later, posted it without thinking and called karkat. a few weeks later he started posting again like the whole thing never happened.

eridan’s content mostly focuses on harry potter and magic (which he definitely doesnt believe in because that would be ridiculous), but he makes a lot of environmental PSA videos about littering and pollution and stuff. in his fandom videos he comes across as just really excitable and doesnt seem like he cares about much else, but he really shows off his intelligence in PSA type videos. he also posts a lot of videos of him just talking about whatevers going on in his life, usually whenever he gets a new crush. his most popular video is the one he made right after seeing johns just dance streams for the first time, because he looked like he was about to cry or scream the whole time.

and feferi! her content mostly focuses on social and political issues. she talks out against “canceled”/purity culture a lot and tends to end up involved in discourse for it. shes that person in the middle of the argument whos literally only stating facts and saying that we shouldnt jump to unnecessary conclusions, but somehow ends up being accused of being jack the ripper or some shit for it. she isnt afraid to share her honest opinions and makes sure to remain as polite and level-headed as is humanly possible when responding to others.

i was gonna do the alpha kids and dancestors too and like share some plot and that kinda stuff but this is long as fuck, so we’re gonna stop here for now! feel free to request again for even more info dumping. also i just wanna say that i planned none of that gamzee stuff i had no idea what i was doing when i started that

[dogteefs]

obscenely long work rant .. i sent this to two people already but i'm steaming

Today was just really frustrating like I went in an hour early which is totally fine because A is sick and E came in at like noon I think.

and I was doing Other (wiping stuff down) for the cleanup chore that I was going to do and he was vacuuming, and I went up to the front to do something like with some dogs.. oh! I went up to take Spud out

and when I came back he was like doing my thing....... like he was supposed to be vacuuming like he still had the rest of the floor to vacuum and he just stopped vacuuming and started wiping down the bridge which is what I was cleaning at the time and I don't get it like it was so weird

And he just does not help out the gate which is like the number one thing we need help with like we need people to help hold dogs back while we let dogs out or bring them in and he is just always like cleaning stuff and not like actually interacting with the dogs or anything like that

He was super condescending about this thing with Oatmeal -- she started gate climbing again and she almost made it over the top like several times which obviously is a huge safety issue

And like he wrote in the communication log about it and was just so high and mighty about what we should do and it's like dude youve been working here for maybe a month like you are at the very bottom of the food chain

I was trying to get Bodie and Tripper out through the gate and he was I think writing the report at the time which like he didn't ask either of us if he could do it he just said I'm taking a picture of the board for the report and we were like OK

So I was bringing Tripper out because Bodie was already through (she's super obnoxious to Tripper he's a lot older and she's a very young chocolate lab, they got her to keep him company but she's the worst)

And so you know I got them through and into the leash up area and I went back into the daycare because I was the only person there like in the back B was doing something

and he asked if the leashes he was holding was Tripper and Bodie's and I was like well like is it under T+B on the mirror (because we label stuff like that for siblings)

He straight up did not answer and I asked him again and he didn't answer again and like at this point I was in the back prepping food and i'm annoyed and i go probably! And I hear him go "probably isn't an answer" or something like that

He asked if the collar was Tripper's when Tripper was like literally already wearing one and it wasn't one of ours !

and he was just so stressed about it and was a total bitch to B when she came through

It's like use some critical thinking skills please or like answer my questions so I can actually help you

And later I literally like apologized I was like "sorry I said probably, i meant I was like 99% sure as long as it was on their hook" He did not respond like he didn't say anything to that and I shouldn't have even apologized like he didn't need to be the way he was about

Not only that but he literally left 10 minutes early like at 5:40 I was like doing something and he was like "do you need anything from me because I'm taking off in like 10 minutes" and I was like ??no because at this point I've lost my patience with him

and he said "OK cool like I'm going to go find B and see if I can like scoot" .... like he wanted to leave 10 minutes early and he did because B is too nice to tell him to stay

He's literally just such a shit and I hate working with him and I almost angry cried over the stupid cleaning thing

Also he's just not a dog person like he doesn't work with the dogs at all like not doing any commands or spending time with them

He literally told Frank and April (who are both older dogs and theyre a dachshund and a really small spaniel and they just bark and bark and bark and that's what they do at the gate) he like said loudly across the room shut the fuck up

And it was so nasty like I hate men I cannot believe he said that it was just so mean

[kawaiianimeredhead]

Oh right I wanted to rant. Im still on my phone so there might be typos but oh well

Edit: this got way longer and rambly than I expected oops. I hope this read more works, i never actually checked yesterday when I used it to see if it still worked on mobile so if it doesnt oops and sorry

Anyways. In september a new company took over our contract and thats a whole rant on its own. The previous lead (my dad but not important) left before the new company came and he left Sam in charge. Sam has been there for like four or five years and he's a pretty good guy. When the new cobtract started he was very quickly overwhelmed with the bs and also with the paper abd computer stuff he had to do so he stepped down. Hes still there and actually was still in charge for a bit after he stepped down because we didnt have a new lead.

And now we do have a new lead. This was apparently a Process from what ive heard. Nobody really wanted the job and im not sure how the Boss from the company even went about hiring but i heard that a couple people he considered weren't interested and then I was told that someone was hired or was going to be hired and quick before she even started. I heard these from two differenr people because one told me she qas being walked around and woukd start soon and another said she wasnt coming a day or so later. Someone was hired though and the first night he was there so was the Boss showing him around kinda. I spoke with him a bit and he seemed nice. Def better than the Boss who I cant stand beinf around for long hes got weird and annoying vibes around him.

None of this is actually particularly relevant or necessary for this rant but it came out anyways.

So this new lead has tried all thr different shifts/jobs out and and has been with us for like a month or so now maybe? The first schedule he was properly scheduled on was such a SHIT week/schedule because I went from working 5-4 days a week to 3 and instead of doing bathrooms which is 3 hours or 4 depending on if I'm also doing trash to working 2 hours one day, 2 or 3 the next, and 3 or 4 the last. And it sucks. Then, the first schedule to come out that he made (with the help of the Boss) had ALL of us on less days and hours and HE now working every day but one and working both in the morning AND at night. Now I'm not convinced this was soley his decision because I know he made this schedule with the Boss and i have a suspicion that the Boss encouraged him or persuaded him or some other kind of bull shit to do the schedule like this. And then the week after was the same schedule copied again and this week coming up is the same minus a few small changes.

Now all this is annoying and bull shit on its own but not even the main fuel to this rambling rant. With this schedule, hes scheduled to clean the bathrooms and trash every day except Sunday, which is when I am scheduled on them. Last week was the first week of this and besides the day I'm specificed to do bathrooms im not given a specific job. Imbonly told to do "extras" so ive asked Sam and hes told me to do offices one day and some windows the other. I come in Saturday ready to do the windows which ive been dying to do because they look awful and they used to be my Thing so I get really annoyed about them often but then I notice the trash hadnt been done. So I start doing that thinking maybe that was what I was supposed to be doing. Then while doing this I notice the main breakroom doesnt look particularly clean, breakrooms are a part of the bathroom persons job. This was annoying but because it wasnt Bad I left it. I then go to the next break room which is smaller and always messier because more people stay in it for longer, this one also looked dirtier than it should be. In addition, the bathroom's trash hadnt beeb taken out which is a part of the bathroom job. Bathroom trash is separate from trash trash as far as jobs go, theyre usually done together but if someone is doinf "extras" and someone else bathrooms, bathrooms normally gets bathroom trash abd extras the rest. Something felt really off about the bathroom as well and combined with the breakdowns I had a suspicion that bathrooms hadnt been done. So I decided to check the costumer bathrooms for their trash and their cleanliness. When I got there they absolutely had not been done. Which ! I hadn't planned for. I was taking my time on trash and now I had to do bathroom s.

Nobody had been called or texted about the lead not being at work. And he absolutely has our numbers. We used to sign in on a time sheet and that would have helped us noticed but we recently got a finger print time clock which, as far as I know, we cant check other peoples hours on. So we had no fucking clue he just hadnt been in the previous night.

Then this week comes along. Friday talking with Sam he mentioned something along the lines of not checking the bathrooms. Mentioning that its not really our fault if we dont abd they havent been done because since were not scheduled for them, we have no reason to assume they wouldnt be done. So I hadnt looked in the bathrooms but I did notice the break room looked a bit messy and which had me a bit concerned about a repeat of the previous week. But I didnt wanna do them and I knew Sam didnt either so I left it be but texted nick to ask if hed seen the lead the previous night. Nick confirmed hed been in and was seen cleaning the bathrooms. Yesterday, I briefly looked into the main break room and it looked not great, and then later I went to the bathroom in the smaller breakroom's bathroom (they have really nice soap they buy themselves thats not really importantto this tho) and noticed that one looked AWFUL. It absolutly hadnt been swept and I felt bad but it wasnt what I was scheduled for so I just kinda left it... Their bathroom also had 1ply toilet paper in it, which is what we had when the company first took over it its AWFUL everyone complained so we switched but the unused rolls are still in our closet. Nobody told our new lead this so he had put some of this in the bathrooms. Then later on in the morning, I noticed several trash cans had stuff in it. Not trash but like residue from trash? Like sticky spots of soda oe coffee, some gum, things like that. Basically things that pointed to him only dumping out the trash and not changing the bag. The bags dont always get changed everyday, thats not really an issue, but if theres something still kinda in them they normally are changed because thats gross and why would it just be left like that... I also noticed that up front by the entrance door none of the trash had been got. The busiest area for trash (from customers) and it was still ! There! And I had actually heard Friday or last Friday that this wasnt the first time. Again I left it because I had other things to do.

Now this morning. I worked bathrooms and trash. Trash went ok, I changed a lot of the bags becsuse I prefer to do it regardless and it was just normal overall. Then bathrooms. The bathroom cart is a mess. Which started my mood. The top is all unorganized and theres dirty water in the mop bucket. When I went go get new water, I had set the mop off to the side assuming it had already veen run out and dried because it had been in the part of the bucket where you ring it out and it had been there since yesterday morning. I finished filling the bucket and then look over and notice the puddle forming under the mop because my assumption had been wrong and worse, it smelled like pee. ! Carring on The first two bathrooms were ok, not great but fine. Then I got to the main breakroom and noticed itd clearly been cleaned, Sam worked the day shift Saturday so I assume he swept and mopped. I also swept and mopped. Then, the small break room. Sam didnt clean this one. Which is fair on his part because I think throughout the whole day at least one or more people are sitting in it with no time for someone to clean. So I start and its just the whole thing, even the bathroom floor, was so bad. Aside from the floor the bathroom part was ok, but the floor really didnt seem to have been swept. And the main floor absolutely hadnt been swept. This was obvious from the start but it kept making me madder and madder as I swept and saw how much trash was on the floor. It absolutely put me behind because I wanted to get as much as I could. The cutomer bathrooms also looked pretty bad which is had to tell who thats on, but wheb I got to them it was apparent somethibg else I hadnt fully thought of as a problem until then. Behind all the toilets, like on then but behidb the seat part, there was so much DUST. I had noticed before in the other bathrooms but didnt really think about it because of things plus i see the dust more often collect in the orher bathrooms than that one for some reason and I didnt even realize this but because it was something New in the costumer bathroom it was really noticeable now. Which made ne even madder. Its not hard to clean, were supposed to be cleaning the toilet seats anyways so getting just behind them isnt anything!

And its just so aggrivating. The longer at work i was this morning the more it pissed me off. Especially because in addition to what I was seeing, the things I had heard from others over the last couple of weeks started piling on.

With my own eyes i had seen how bad the cart had been and from sam I heard that the water in the bucket had been in there all week, he suspected that he wasnt changing it. He also commented on the rags all over the cart thinking that he wasnt using paper towels to clean and instead used the rags. I heard about how a couple of times now hed forgotten or ignore the front trash cans and some others. I heard from someone in the meat room that when he cleans it he doesnt do that grear a job and even broke a couple small things. Which is all very concerning to hear since thats a fucking sanitation issue!? And I heard from nick yesterday that he thinks that the lead isnt cleaning all thw bathrooms every day and is instead only cleaning them when they look dirty. Which I'm a bit inclinded to believe because the underside of some of the seats seemed much dirtier than id expected.

And its all infuriating! The Boss is the one who showed him all the jobs, none of us showed him any of what we do it was all the Boss. So like, did HE tell the lead not to do this or that? To do some of it to save time? I dont know but some of it is common sense regardless of what hes beeb told hes still fucking it up and hes our fucking boss. And the main one doing everything!

The store hasnt looked as clean from the start of this new contract and now it's even worse and its awful!

And I dont have a way to end this rant it got really long snd feels like it needs a good closer but I dont have one...

[ygfics]

Unbound by Balla and Reddwarfer

length: 37k

pairing: alpha namjoon/omega jimin

this fic is soo good and occasionally pops back up in my mind and im so glad i finally came across it in my bookmarks list. basically there are "unbound" wolves that live like kinda ferally in the forest and whatnot outside of the cities and namjoon lives in the big city so he only hears bad stories of feral wolves but then he gets kidnapped by some nugus from a rival chaebol or whatever who want to forcefully mate him blah blah anyway he ends up w unbound jimin in the forest where he lives (its the "theyre both stuck living in a small space together for a long period of time and fall in love" trope!!!) and yea they fall in love and fuck and have pups uwu umm yea lots of hurt/comfort in this one, breeding, kinda modified(?) abo dynamics, like the omegas are the ones in charge? no consent issues/triggers that im aware of other than the initial scene with namjoon being kidnapped and almost forcefully mated, and there's also a scene towards the end where namjoon gets back into contact with seokjin and jin says some FUCKED up shit to namjoon like i get he's angry but holy fuck you do not victim blame seokjin, you do NOT, and you also do NOT get ANY say in how nj wants to live his life......... so yea theres one dialogue line from seokjin thats really fucked up but that's about it LOL

in other news im really personally stressed out at the moment, its not the worst its been but ive been planning for my trip to see BTS in la and between concert tickets, plane tickets, booking accommodation, renting a car, financial management, packing, AND 50 hours a week at an extremely exhausting job AND dealing with irl friend bs its just. Way. Too much and i Wish i could be like namjoon and just disappear into the forest with alpha jungkook and have him pup me and then live out there forever bc FUCK evolved society and modern life for real lol anyway rant over enjoy the fic its a favorite of mine uwu

[terryblycute]

2020

overall this year was bad. bad, just like any other, how its always been, so nothing special. im writing this because my memory is getting worse and worse, and im sick of not remembering

corona lowkey annoying cuz i couldnt visit my friends on new years eve, but other than that everythings the same. on a positive note i didnt have to work as much either, and on a negative note i didnt get as much money. but thats alright.

((rude, unempathetic rant incoming. i know what im about to say is stupid but its my feelings and i want to talk about it regardless. if anyones reading, skip this)) what HAS been bothering me the most about corona is all the „2020 bad“ memes and people legitimately complaining about it. cuz like... nothing has changed. every year is horrible. it always has been. every year innocent people die, and nobody can do anything about it. of course i feel horrible for the people who lost their income/housing or family members because of it, and they have all the rights to complain... but lets be honest. none of the people i talk to were affected in any way by it. and the majority of people i hear talking about it havent lost their family/friends or homes to it either. its just a mild inconvenience to them, not being able to party without being arrested or seeing their friends or some shit. boo hoo, im alone all the time and never see any of my friends either and at this point im completely love & touch starvated regardless of corona. get over it

so... corona things out of the way, ive started thinking about my mental illnesses & trauma... A LOT. ive never thought about it all that much, because critical thinking is not something im able to do, usually. ive been reading lots of comix of people talking about/depicting mental illness, so i guess that kind of inspired and changed something in me, if i like it or not.

well, it turns out there is a shitton to unpack. i mean, ive always known there is so much wrong with me... but i was never really aware, if that makes sense. im still in the dark about most things, but its all coming together, little by little. i dont want to put my finger on anything, because im dumb, but at this point im 100% sure autism/aspergers isnt the only thing i got. far from it, in fact.

ive also learned that a lot of things in my life have left me with genuine, significant trauma, which ive never really realized before. i just thought the way i react to some things is cuz im, yknow... a whiny bitch. to name a few things:

me getting defensive/snappy when people of „authority“ (family, caretakers, doctors) ask me if im tired, how late i went to bed etc bc it is indirectly tied to why i was forced into psychiatry & the abuse i had to suffer there

fight or flight response activating when people talk about being in support of outdoor cats (i dont even want to fucking elaborate. tl;dr: my cat was almost killed by outdoor cat people and would be dead now if i hadnt gotten my shit together and worked hard on getting my own apartment, where he is safe. ive recieved no support & only been demonized during this time). this is a genuine fucking trigger

my rocky relationship with my mother and my thoughts about her, who is a genuinely good person, but managed to fuck me over, rip my entire ass apart and ruin my life regardless. also her lowkey restrictive/controlling upbringing stunting me for life

my huge, life-impairing abandonment issues. i dont even know where they come from, all i ever experienced were regular breakups & rejections with no hard feelings that just hit me especially hard for no reason i guess

how i cannot bear to be alone in a discord voice channel waiting for people to join & my stunted ability to talk to people when im alone with them (i got actively excluded by my best friends for being suicidal & a downer, they created a discord voice channel i couldnt see & didnt have access to for them to be without me, all while i was waiting all day long alone in our regular channel for someone to join me, in the same server)

relatedly, my inability to talk about my problems & mental illnesses with them. is also related to the cat incident

also my inability to show affection ever since my best friend stopped telling me „i love ya“

nothing else i can think of rn

i also realized that something is fundamentally, objectively wrong with me. i cant really talk about it... but the actions of one of my friends made it clear to me. it was proof that, somehow, im imbued with the horrifying essence of some eldritch lovecraftian horror being, repulsing everyone without them even realizing, unable of being loved. and its just... this knowledge, its too heavy to bear, for a single human being. i dont know what to do. i will have to live with this for the rest of my life - and i cant do anything about it.

ive also reconnected with an old friend over animal crossing, who introduced me to some other old friends (they were more like aquaintances back then, really), and in one of them ive found a friend for life, pretty much. but theyre all great, really.... i seriously appreciate that. they took my mind off my other best friend, whos been kind of ignoring my needs, resulting in me having panic attacks every day.

also, im making more of an effort to talk to & reply to the people i care about, cuz i have this friend who would chat me up every now and then, without me ever messaging him, just for me to ignore him for a couple hours cuz im too tired/busy/whatever... so at one point i was like „wait, what am i doing? hes one of the few friends who actually makes an effort, and i really care about this bitch!!“, so i went ahead and got my shit together, as best as i can at least (depressions still a bitch but im trying)

one last thing i wanna talk about... my view on life. this is gonna be huge, i think. big trigger warning for suicide stuff & other negative shit

im suicidal. always have been. thats not a secret, everyone who knows how to read between the lines (i cant, but most people do) can see that. sometimes you dont even have to, cuz im telling you outright. i usually dont talk about this openly though, not to my friends at least, cuz people only put up with suicidals for so long, and i cant afford to lose anyone else... ahem. anyways, something changed in the way i see suicide. when i was younger, i wanted to die because the pain i had to bear was just too great. there was no hope. and its still true - the pain is unbearable. i am in pain every waking moment. i have been for almost 11 years now. there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is only distraction.

however, thats not the reason i wanna die anymore. i think think that if i put in effort, i think i could be... not in pain, all the time anymore. but, heres the thing: i dont want to. im too tired, im too broken. i dont want to change, and i dont want anyone else to change. now i just want to die, for the sake of it. because i love death, with all of my heart. i think death is the best thing that could happen, to anyone. i 100% believe death is the only thing that will save you, ever. i am not exaggerating when i say „i love death“. and to live, without having the means to safely & efficiently kill myself... its destroying me. i get panic attacks every week thinking about it. what if someone else leaves me? im not gonna take it anymore, i refuse to. i refuse to keep suffering, but to end my suffering once and for all i have to die. i really, truly hate living... it just really isnt for me. and thats okay, im fine with it, im fine with dying - its what i want, its my choice, its my destiny - and i love this destiny. i wouldnt want it any other way - to kill myself, or be killed, thats how i want to go. i just need someone to help me. idk where im going with this, so lets move onto my next point:

my worldview. so.. im not sure when this all started. was it 2020? or 2019? maybe it started to dawn on me even earlier, i dont really know, but its been really intense in 2020. the way i view the world & life has changed drastically (or rather, formed, ive never really thought about it that much before). my mom has made it clear to me that you could be a genuinely good, loving person... and still fuck up your kid for life. and this is why i came to the conclusion that good parents, who dont fuck up their children irreversibly... they dont exist. the moment youre born into this world, youre doomed. there is no one who doesnt suffer, there is no one who doesnt want to die - and if they tell you they dont, they either just dont know yet or are in denial. if there is ANY chance of someone growing up to suffer just like i do - it is not worth it. irresponsible, even - to bring a kid into this world. and, the way the world is, and continues to be, there will never be the chance for someone to never suffer like me. which is why i dont think children should be born into this world, ever. and it fucks with me - it fucks with me so bad.

...happy mew year, everynyan

[egobangin-tonight]

gOD okay im doing a rant about work bc i dont know where else to put it and i need to Screm™

(Its v long srry)

For people who are new, I work in a hospital, i work in an ER, and im a secretary. All i do is answer calls, transfer calls to doctors and nurses, and set up transportation for patients when theyre deemed ready to go upstairs (by the doctor and the nurse) after the admitting department has provided a bed for the patient.

I cannot stress that last bit enough; i set up transportation AFTER all steps have been checked off. I am the LAST person in a chain of events that allows a patient to get upstairs. As a secretary I have no actual power; i am physically unable to interact with any part of this process except for the one assigned to me.

SO

Around 12:20, i get a call from a man asking for a status update on their father. Elderly man whos been waiting for a bed for about 2 hours now. Our ER is insanely crowded compared to most hospitals and today our census was around 90-100 (which is average for us). Having a long wait time is to be expected, especially since the floors patients get admitted to are equally booked and crowded.

So i tell the man the typical response i give to people inquiring about relatives waiting to go upstairs, “the patient is going to be staying overnight but there is currently no bed assigned.”

“so do you know when he’ll be going upstairs??”

“No, from my screen it says that they are still currently waiting for the bed to become available on the floor. So until the space is freed up somehow, they will have to stay in the Emergency Room.”

Now this is usually when they say “can i speak to the nurse taking care of so n so; i just want to make sure theyre okay” or “oh thats okay, i just wanted to make sure they were on the board”. But no, this dude couldnt be okay with either of those choices.

“So you cant tell me when theyre going upstairs?”

“No, I cant. Were not the ones who distribute the beds. Thats Admittings responsibility.” (I literally just gave him is answer 30 seconds ago)

“So who can I talk to to get information on my dad?”

“…do you…do you mean his current status? Because then I can transfer you to his nurse-”

“No i mean information on his bed.”

“Admitting.”

“Can u transfer me there?”

So I transfer him. Poof, gone, goodbye, hope he gets his answers.

IMMEDIATELY, he calls back. “Is this the emergency room?”

“Yes, how can i help you?”

*repeats the entire thing again*

“Sir, i CANT help, admitting is the only department that can give you any answers. If theyre transferring you back to me, its because they cannot help you.”

“But there has to be some kind of waiting list. If hes going upstairs, who determines who gets a bed upstairs first?”

So like, the problem is that he 1) does not work here and 2) does not understand what the actual issue is. Because his dad is most certainly next in line. The problem is that the floors are so filled to the brim with sick patients that theres No Space For Him. Its not us trying to withhold beds, its us having more sick patients than we can handle.

And its even more complicated than that: some people are special needs and require an enclosed room. Some people are in isolation, some people are contagious, some people are a fall risk, some people need security, some people need 24/7 surveillance. Because the floors are so packed, we have Hallway Beds which is basically just the ER but with less patients so its calmer and quieter. Some people dont qualify for the hallway placements or ‘Overflow Beds’ because of the aforementioned needs.

Basically, his dad needed a bed on a floor that was at max capacity and unless there were some extreme last minute changes, there wouldnt be any space.

So i tell him “We CANT speed up the process any faster, we have to wait for people to leave the floor and make space for him.” Its like a car on the curb blocked in by two other cars. Yeah, you want the space that car is in, but until those other two cars are dealt with, youre just gonna have to sit there.

He asks if he could get transferred again so I transferred him.

They IMMEDIATELY transfer him back. So i transfer him again. This time, before they transfer him back to me, they tell us to transfer him to our Charge Nurse. So we do that. And for 5 minutes, hes on the phone w our Charge before she tells us to transfer him back to admitting. So we transfer him AGAIN.

and he calls us !! Either they hung up on him or they ignored the call but he calls back asking for the Charge Nurse. And when she refuses to pick up, he asks for admitting.

This went on for over a fucking hour. An hour of ONE fucking ignorant entitled selfish piece of shit calling and harrassing us to page “The Charge Nurse” “Admitting” “The nurse taking care of my dad” “The DOCTOR taking care of my dad”.

And every single time he called it was for one of these people. And the problem was that we all talked to him!! All of us!! I talked to him! My coworkers did! The charge, admitting, the nurse, the doctor !! They all answered and he still kept calling. And it was getting to a point where we started ignoring his number because he was stopping us from answering OTHER calls.

And he would call from other numbers because we werent answering his call.

Just

AN HOUR AND A HALF of nonstop calling for what ?? To expedite your dad upstairs?? To skip everyone else whos been waiting ahead of him? Why do u think your dad deserves special treatment??

No one understands how our paging system works; i just hold the call and it gets set to 1 of 19 speeddial numbers. And i page that specific speeddial number overhead in the loudspeaker. I cannot physically force anyone to pick up that number; if they hear it and choose to ignore it, i can never MAKE them answer it.

At around 1:30, i notice that his dad has received a bed. Which is good! So when he calls, im still fucking irritated but i tell him “is this about your dad? Bc he now has a bed and-”

“Oh I already know that, i already talked to the charge nurse and admitting and made that happen”

What?

“You made that happen?”

“Yes, im just trying to talk to the doctor for something else”

So I transfer him to the doctor and stare at my coworker bewildered bc…this dude is full of shit lmao Theres no way HE did it, this is not any random fast food joint where you can complain to the manager and get shit done your way. Everything is done in order, no amount of yelling or grovelling is gonna make anything go faster. Because its not that we dont FEEL like admitting people, its that we as an entire unit cannot FIT that many people.

So either 1) the patient left. Either AMA (against medical advice) or discharged. And discharge is more likely because if the patient that left was an elderly or bedconfined patient, then an ambulance couldve picked them up to bring them back to a nursing home or something similar

2) the patient in the room was downgraded to a hallway bed WHILE they were on the floor. Which is believable but AWFUL. Hallway beds are just stretchers in the hall, and you can get an Actual room when one opens up: all it does is allow you to be in a floor with a max of 30 people instead of a floor of up to 150+ people. So to get bumped down is terrible

Or 3) someone who had a hallway bed and was waiting for a regular bed got bumped and skipped in favor of this random dudes dad. Which is EQUALLY bad

But also, I really didnt know what this dude wanted. Because now that hes got the bed i would assume thats finished and he could just go to sleep or something. Once the bed is assigned and the last charting is complete, getting them upstairs is SUPER quick compared to everything else. About 20 mins max to pick up the patient and travel across the hospital to get them upstairs.

But hes apparently been bugging the doctors to complete their charts, harrassing the nurses to do the same; the entire 20 or so minutes i was ignoring him was to essentially get them to finish the chart. But like…??? They have other patients?? And they had to stop what they were doing to answer the calls. And even they stopped responding because they knew that if they heard their name over the loudspeaker, it was because of this dude.

So finally, at like 1:50, I pick up the line. And hes asking for the doctor. And i ask him WHY is he calling the doctor, because theyre not gonna pick up for him, and all i can do is page overhead.

And in the most fake, cali girl kind of voice (bc he DID have a cali girl voice only now it was clearly fake chill) “well, i WAS trying to get the doctor to pick up the phone but maybe you can help me instead.”

“Oh, I’ll definitely try my best.”

“So is there anyway I can get my dad upstairs a bit faster?”

And im like u fucking idiot, you fucking dick wasting all this time, all MY TIME “See you called at 1:30”

“Yes.”

“And i asked, i specifically asked 'was this about your dad? Because he has a bed right now’ and you dismissed me because you felt that the doctor could give you answers, not realizing that if you had just told me 'yes, its about my dad’ i wouldve told you that everything was set up and that we were waiting for transportation to bring them upstairs.”

“Well yes but-”

“So because you thought you were cutting out the middle man, you made me page these nurses and doctors overhead to get NOTHING done. When I couldve just answered you from the getgo.”

And im so irritated and HEATED bc this dude called for 30 minutes just to make his dad skip ahead of everyone else and there was NO way i was letting that happen.

“So is he just waiting for transportation to go upstairs?”

“Yes.”

“Is there anyway I can do that myself?”

“??? No?? Only the transporter can bring them upstairs.”

“Why?”

“???????because its their job????????? Thats what they do???? Bring patients from the ER to the floor.”

“So you mean to tell me that I have to wait? Wait like I had to wait for admitting to get off their asses and get my dad a bed?”

“Thats generally what happens when theres a line of people; you go in order”

So i tell him, “Do you work here? Because unless you are a transporter you are physically unable to bring him upstairs” and hes like “well i should be because no one else in this hospital is doing their job. How is it I managed to get my dad a bed in just three minutes?? How is it that if hes being transported from one department to another, why cant I just wheel him up in a wheelchair.” Im answering his stupid questions as simply as possible but hes just refusing to listen. Like why we need to have transporters transport patients (bc the ID is the only thing that unlocks the door, bc the transporters are the only ones with access to the whole building) or like why its going to take longer because we have limited transporters tonight.

And like..i need to leave…bc i just have no tolerance for people anymore. I cant do it, i get so livid, i wanted to break my phone and smash it into the wall. If this fucker was out on the block i wouldve been throwing fists; he WOULD be catching these fucking hands.

I cant remember word for word what he was saying because it was just him yelling and cursing at me about how this entire building is incompetent, how we told him to wait until his dad got a bed and if he had listened, if he hadnt INTERVENED, he would STILL be waiting, that if he was working there things would be going alot more smoother, shit would be getting done, how theres no reason the place should be understaffed because its the holiday weekend and we should be prepared for this (not realizing that the department literally understaffs us BECAUSE its the holiday weekend and the census is always lower than usual)

Just him assuming no one was doing their job, then complaining for almost TWO HOURS and then assuming that his complaining worked when in reality it was just completely coincidental; that if he really 'got a bed in three minutes’ i wouldve seen a bed appear at 12:40, not 1:30.

And they taking it out on the transporters as if they WANT to be understaffed and stuck transporting patients to 7 different locations across the entire building; patients who need to go to the floors, to sono, to CT, to MRI, and then required to be taken back. To be so understaffed that people delegated to cleaning have to stop and pitch in once in a while to help their coworkers. And he had the NERVE to try and skip past people who were patiently waiting, who were waiting longer than his dad had been waiting.

He asked to speak to the “Head of transportation ” and i wanted to laugh so hard, i could not stop myself from mocking him “oh the HEAD of transportation! Let me transfer you.” Straight to the fucking operator lmao kiss my ass have fun trying to find that person at exactly 2:03am on a monday morning and a HOLIDAY no less

The dad eventually went upstairs. He waited like everyone else in this ER and from this point on, if he wants to cause a scene, im sending the son Straight to the floor his dad is sleeping on so he can harass them because i am done™