#i def don't think i do it in the super traditional way either

[woahjo]

hi! you can totally ignore this if you don't want to reply for whatever reason, but i still wanted to ask since i'm curious on other peoples perspective

i've never been one to self-ship (or at least not directly, like i def had some fics written with self insertion without realizing or made up scenarios in my head but never really put the label on it)

And I thought on why I did not want that label of self-ship put on my fav characters and myself, and ig my conclusion is that it just hurts me to put it in a way? like for me its a constant remind that they're fictional, which honestly hurts more than just doing a selfinserted fic and that's it, because once i finish the fic it's just another piece of media, nothing more to me, and i detach

but if i try to push myself to do something cute for self-shipping since everyone seems so content with it, i can't find myself doing the same because of what i just said, like even calling my favs f/o makes me feel a bit like shit lol. and tbh i think most people would disagree with me since what i see 99% of the time is people using selfshipping as a pastime or use it to cope but how do you manage to not hurt yourself when you remember it's only fictional? because i want to achieve that as well without getting myself hurt in the process.

so sorry for this being so long btw, i wanted to explain myself as best as i could

hi anon!!!

i understand you completely!! i think the bottom line of it is that if you don't like it, then don't do it, ya know? i don't mean that in the like "get out of here!!" sense, i mean it more so in the like.. if thinking inside of what the "box" might be for self-shipping, why not try thinking outside of it?

i know for me, i don't actually imagine my selfships to be "real" in any way. yes, my selfships are with me, but it's a version of me that more closely aligns with a story im writing about their relationship. i've noticed a lot of people have decently set lore with their selfships, but that personally doesn't work for me, so i tend to think in a more abstract way when it comes to lore. broad strokes, ya know?

im not sure if this makes sense, but my "selfships" often feel more like reading a book or watching a tv show with a pairing i really like than they do myself. the version of me that they're with is a character and i enjoy thinking about how that version of me might be paired with them, but they're never a full reflection of me. that's the sort of selfshipping that makes me happy. yeah sure, i don't really get to take part in the "what's your selfship lore!!!" conversations as in depth as i might want to, but that's just not part of what makes selfshipping enjoyable to me.

if i thought about my selfships as real, life sized human beings, i would also get SO sad they're not real, so i tend to imagine them as like... living in rooms in my head rather than something i can imagine in front of me. idk if that's how everyone thinks about their selfships, but that's how i do it!!! i carry the scenarios around in my pocket like bugs in a handheld terrarium.

as an aside,,, when it comes to writing, my reader is almost never a self insert. they have bits and pieces of me, but they're not a reflection of how my selfships tend to go. they are their own characters, just without a name or physical description. and it's purely for a similar reason. i'm not a novel protagonist. i don't have that sort of personality and sometimes it can bum me out to try and fit myself into a box that i think other people might enjoy (because that's not the real me).. so i don't! same goes for my selfships

anyway, all of this to say that if the box doesn't fit, out grow it. the nice thing about selfshipping is that there is no right way to do it and if thinking about it in the traditional way trips u up because it makes u sad that they're not real, switch up how you think about it :))

[pixelatedraindrops]

Hello everyone!! Today I grow a year older :3 (and I hate it lmao) FEEL FREE TO REPLY BIRTHDAY WISHES IF YOU WANT :3

So, over the time I've come back here, I've become pretty confident and proud of my once hidden passion about sick characters, sickfics and sick comfort/whump... 🌡️

And you all have been so supportive and sweet despite my weirdness so I thank you for that. You helped me feel more confident in my otherwise weird fixation <3 So, for my birthday I thought I'd try and make up a little drawing challenge for anyone who wants to give it a try... There are soo many talented artists on this site (and in this fandom)

So... It's your turn to target your faves now. You will see how fun it is and hopefully understand why I love doing it so much. 😈🌡️

(plus it's my birthday and I require some sustenance LMAO JKJK)

But yeah anyone can join in. This is just for fun though! You don't have to if you don't want to! I think its okay to ask for some food on my birthday though...right?? X'D So if you wanna do sth for my birthday...then... 👉👈 💦

CHALLENGE BELOW~

DRAW YOUR FAVE ON A SICK DAY CHALLENGE🌡️😷🥵🤧

~~~~

(Mmmmkay, I am lying to myself when I say this isn't mostly aimed at the RainCode community... X'D Can't help myself. But anyone can join regardless of the fandom!!)

So here's the challenge and the rules!! (featuring my two main lil targets ofc :3)

Regardless of who it is, put your fave through some sickness hell >:3c I'd love to see it! Make em' as miserable as you want!

destroy them 😈 jkjk XD

If you're in the RainCode community you can target anyone, but as you know, my main targets are Yuma and Makoto. If they're also your faves and who you decide to use, that will make me extra happy!

Some tips for anyone new to drawing a sick day scenario art. A few things that make it look convincing are the following:

Pajamas or Loungewear

Messy Bed Hair

Fever flushed face w sweat or at least a red nose

Tired Eye bags

Shivery body

Ice Pack or a Compress on the head

Thermometer sticking from their mouth

LOTS OF BLANKETS

Tissues or medicine surrounding them

Tea or Soup (or both)

Those are just to name some from the top of my head. If you'd like some pointers on how to make a character look ill, check out my Fever Coloring Guide. This is for digital artists but traditional artists can try it too!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

The scene can be anything you want to, it can be fluffy and wholesome (with a caretaker) it can be angsty, or it can be silly. Its all up to you! Do it for the sake of fluff! Caretaking scenes are the best for any kind of relationship >w<

Either way, have fun with it!! I look forward to see what people make if they decide to give it a try! It doesn't even have to be a full on picture! Doodles and sketches are fine too! Just show me something >w<

(feel free to tag me and say happy b-day and mention my challenge, I am proud to be known for this and would love for many to participate :3) I wanna see you take a go at it :3 Show me your style! :D

~

~~~

(wow look at me misspelling the word writing on text when I did it fine with my own hands lol)

Now, I know not everyone can draw...

Well never fear! I accept writing as well! ✍️✍️✍️

(hi vivia lol sorry for giving you a cold, at least you have an excuse to read and do nothing now haha x3)

Sickfics are one of the biggest things I live for! Any little drabbles or full fics with more than one chapter are welcome! Again target who you want any fandom you want, but I'll def be super happy if you make a RainCode fic. And even happier if you target my faves as well, but again, anything will do! Just make a cute story about your fave being miserable and being tended to! Trust me, it's super fun!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

Feel free to post your writing here and tag me or mention my AO3!

If you need a start to your fic, look on my blog for illness prompts! Maybe it can help give you a good start or give some inspiration! (thats why I share 'em :3)

I look forward to anything you try to write!

~

That's about all!! I hope you decide to participate! ✨

Good luck, have fun, and godspeed you future whumpers! 😈

(nah jk XD)

AGAIN THIS IS FOR FUN! NO PRRSSURE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

[dislifeismid]

maybe tang twins, falken, jacob, li ling and long mian with a s/o that is a dancer/ invites them to dance?? if they're too many feel free to take some out 💕 tyvm(✿◠‿◠)

Oajskdnf no because i spend all my free time watching Odorite it's finally paying off???? (Odorite are the dancer version of Utaite, whilst Utaite may do vocal covers of vocaloid songs for example Odorite do dance covers. It's a fun tag to explore (踊ってみた/ 'Odomitta') for anyone who likes funky dances.

Espers with a dancer s/o

Tang xuan

Gahh your excited hyperactive lil baby loves you smmmmm

Jk i don't really like giving anyone diagnostics let alone fictional characters just like i don't like assigning sexualities and such but like either way hyper or nah this guy cannot stay still for long k

He's already lowkey a dancer himself i feel it.

I mean he just HAS the fit the vibe.... i can totally imagine he's not shy about dancing in front of others. Even if he's bad, he dances. 100%. In that lounge area at the top if the tower where Disc hangs out?? Oh yeah. If he's vibing he'l get up and move.

He's always tapping his foot to music at the least

His style of dancing is def hip hop ish. Break dancing, for sure....

He also can do cute ish stuff. He's definitely always on beat, either way. He's always grinning whilst dancing, he CANNOT have a bad time while dancing.

He's most agile with his feet obviously. Have you seen his art??

So silly and fun to dance with. He's hyping you up and dancing with you, always. He has a hard time holding himself back from jumping in if he's not allowed :(

Best dance partner on this list if not.......

Like full on whistling with his fingers and clapping, you're so talented!! Show him sometimes yeah???!

12/10 plz dance w me Xuannie

Tang yun

Surprisingly good...

He's flexible so good opportunities. More tham that he's super expressive in his movements- he definitely excels at like creepy ish songs.

He's good at acting insane what can i say (cuz it might not be acting....)

He's also just super fashionable~ he looks so cute in anything you put him in. He can also pass as a girl if you try.

But he's also not a huge fan of dancing itself and won't agree to join you that often.

He also thinks watching you is kinda boring cuz it takes a while to get a correct shot sometimes if you film and ugh....

Give him some pudding he'l wait patiently for you to finish whilst swinging his legs lazily~ (kinda like a certain relative of his..)

6/10 it's better than most

Jacob

Sleepy boy.... sleepy sleepy lil man..... moving too tiring :C

He's actually really good at it, you'l never know til you force him.

He's really really cute at super cute soft dances. He likes the comfy clothes one wears whilst dancing, since they're usually oversized to show movement/motion. (What my dancer friend told me anyway 🤷‍♀️)

You'l be jealous by the end.

Listen Jacob is smart asf he's just unmotivated, so he's hiding a few skills you don't expect. Being a natural at this is one of them.

He doesn't even really understand or can explain how he does it

"Uh... i just do?... or something........."

He's suuuuuper tired after so!!! Hugeeeee breaks...

8/10 for talent but looses points for lack of motivation to actually participate

Li ling

Yknow he doesn't understand dancing much cuz he's not a very artistic guy n all

But!! He thinks it's super cool!!

He'l watch and cheer you on but he's not too good at it and doesn't understand it that well.

But you seem happy! So! Clearly it's great!

What i'm saying is chances are he won't dance but will cheer you on either way!!

7/10 for being more supportive than Yunnie

Long mian

Elegant dragoon man also does not fully understand dancing...

Well see sorta.

His inner dragon kinda just sees it as some mating dance.. but it's not. It's just. For fun? And some dances are so.. weird to him...

He's good at classic dancing. Elegant slow stuff. He probably thinks ballet is pretty. He's also probably just generally a fan of traditional chinese dances..

If you're into modern dances he'l literally cringe at you 😭

6.5/10. Yeah ok he insulted you but he looked hot while doing it okay?? 🙄

Worst is he'd probably be so good at other dances if he tried cuz he definitely understands the artistic aspect..

Falken

5/10 so neutral

No reaction from this gentleman literally-

Like it doesn't affect him idk.

If you wanna dance, sure, he can like twirl you around a lil...

He won't really take it that seriously. If you're a dancer? A job is a job, not really his business. You're talented, he's proud of you. But that's about it.

Just the ultimate neutral.

Bonus; David

Plz plz plz plz you two... 🙏🙏🫠🫠😭😭😭

14/10. No comment.

First of all he's like so good at dancing too

And always willing to if you ever want to dance??

Heck he probably asks you first

Ugh Jacob is such a simp for his s/o lmao

But like in a cute way ok

It's adorable to see this man totally crumble and loose all his cool and blush like a madman because GAHHH YOU'RE SO COOL AND CUTE?!

He feels like he does not deserve to KNOW you like?????

Urgh and he has the trendiest shit

He probably helps you dress and vice versa....

Just, def the best for any dancer out there. You both learn from one another every day!!

[theghostofashton]

What you said about Blaine and misogyny made me think - in later seasons he is not only more emotional etc, his body language changes too, he talks in a higher voice, often sits with his legs closed etc. I wonder how much of that was Darren and how much any specific idea of the directors/creators. Was it to flip the stereotype that Kurt was the "girly" one in the relationship? As Sue later says, that they're both "blouses" lol.

I've come across some old meta saying that Blaine was fem codes from the beginning with things like the fact that he asked his friend to the SH dance where girls are supposed to ask boys; the way people tried to change/criticize his appearance and clothes (like Brittany with her hair gel ban); the songs - Katy Perry, "I'm not gonna teach your boyfriend... ", "Big girls don't cry"; or the way that Sebastian pervs on him. I'm not sure how strong these arguments are and even less sure if the writers deserve the credit of doing it on purpose. Oh and there's the fact that Sue made Blaine the " bride" in her hurt locker which is interesting ;P

I'm very curious what you think, I haven't seen much discussion about it and I personally love Blaine's feminine side! (and please make it as long as you like, I really like reading your thoughts)

hi anon! thanks for the ask!

i think.... there's a lot at play here. i have my own interpretations based on the performance darren gave, and i have some suspicions based on the writers, bc like you pointed out, i don't know how much credit we can give the writers.

whether it was an issue of "flipping the stereotype" is.....possibly true? of course, this is all speculation, but there's definitely something to be said about how s5 blaine really leans into traditionally feminine behavior (s4 too, but i see it more plainly in s5), and how s5 kurt is leaning into more traditionally masculine behavior (combat class, him fighting back against the guys in 5x15 after being adamantly against violence in earlier seasons, and the overall way he carries himself).

this is a generalization i'm making (there's def more nuance to both of them in this season), but i would not put this kind of binary past the writers bc i feel like their engagement w stereotypes as a whole was very surface level. the nuance in all of these characters came from the acting rather than the writing, if you will. (also note - this is not me saying kurt and blaine fall into traditional heterosexual gender roles because that is objectively impossible for two gay men. this is just an observation of biases the writers may have had)

as for the idea that blaine could've been fem-coded.....i think that's interesting, especially with the examples you give. i feel like s2 blaine, ultimately, feels like more of a mask than an expression of his personality. the comment about how blaine likes football so he isn't a stereotype just feels like such a direct call out to distinguish him from the other gay character who has some more "stereotypical" interests (which, as an aside..... feels super heavy handed and entirely unnecessary? it was def possible to depict these two gay characters in distinctive ways without implying anything either way lmfao)

but anyway, i think it's important to note that when we meet blaine, he's carrying the baggage of being gaybashed right after coming out. we don't...... really know blaine before he was traumatized in that way? the narrative doesn't tell us exactly how long it's been since he was attacked and came to dalton (and then 6x12 comes in and messes with the timeline even more lol), but regardless, i think the argument that s2 was a mask he was intentionally putting on to blend in as much as he could and not draw unwanted attention by showing off his true personality can definitely be made. also worth noting that darren was working with what he was given in s2 (which wasn't a lot), and couldn't be sure of whether blaine would even remain on the show, let alone who he would become, and that definitely played a large role in his acting choices.

something i've believed strongly in is the fact that the reason blaine seems so devastated in 2x18, during somewhere only we know, is bc meeting kurt and getting close to him helped him to unlock the part of himself he was keeping underneath the dalton blazer; his real self, that he felt like he had to hide after the sadie hawkins incident. and now the thought of going back to who he used to be is just.... so sad because he's gotten a taste of what things could be like for him. kurt is so sure of himself and so confident in showing that to the world, and blaine wants to be that, too. (this also factors into why i think transferring to mckinley in 3x01, even if he's ostensibly doing it for kurt, was a great decision for his growth as well)

.....i feel like i just went on a huge tangent lol but my point with all of this was that i totally think blaine behaving more traditionally feminine could just be his personality and something he unfortunately felt like he had to hide based on sadie hawkins and other bullying he faced.

back to him being fem-coded tho, i definitely think it could've been possible? i wouldn't put it past the writers lol

i think a lot of it is darren, partly in his attempts to keep blaine and darren separate. but the point about people trying to criticize/change his appearance is very interesting, especially in contrast with kurt, whose appearance was also criticized but never pushed to change (aside from him trying himself in 1x18). the other things you mention (except the sebastian thing), i think do a good job of indicating that this may have just been blaine's personality pre-dalton, and s2 blaine functions as a response to the trauma of sadie hawkins. (i don't necessarily think it was written with that intention, but darren's performance and the subsequent seasons can make that reading plausible imo)

they may have tried to make him fem coded and kind of enforce a binary dynamic, but darren's performance to me reads like a nuanced gay man who is in touch with his emotions and unafraid to embrace his interests whether that be his music taste or his sense of style. things like asking another boy to the sadie hawkins dance feel like just.......him trying to exist as a gay man in a society set up for straight people. in a lot of ways, i feel like his character was ahead of his time in the nuance he has? a lot of criticisms revolve around him being too weak and overemotional which really does say a lot about a society that claims to want complex male characters but doesn't actually lmfao

[quinnpriv1]

twst boys tattoo hcs!

If the twisted wonderland boys got a tattoo, what would it be, and how many would they have? By extension, does Leona have more than one

OH MY GOD you know me so well my friend i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ON THIS TOPIC!!!!!!! (detailed list below the cut!)

riddle: his virgin skin has never been touched. i think, if he were ever to get one, it would be akin to ppl who get fancy script "faith" tattoos [example] but with like. "rules" or a simple rose or "the queen" or some shit haha. one and done kinda guy

trey: would only get one if cater dragged them to get tats together. not his prerogative, personally! would get like cooking utensils or like a sunny side egg or something nice and simple and subtle and it would be some place where it's always covered with clothes, like his back or ankle or smth

cater: more of a piercings guy than a tattoos guy to me! he gets creative about all of the jewelry and tries a lot of stuff out before he finds what "fits." however, sometimes they do flash deals at the shop and he has a lot of stick and poke tattoos from artists starting out. all of them are just lizards and abstracts or smth. i like to think one of his sisters became an artist in some universe and gave him a butterfly tat :')

deuce: he got ONE tattoo of like a giant koi or a skull or some "punk" thing in a fit of pique and never again. he's sort of embarrassed about it but it is rad ink.

ace: not really the type! a couple of cheeky tramp stamps, maybe, of shit like cambells soup or just whatever he was thinking about that day lol

leona: i really don't think he has any other than the first! i don't even think he wanted that one lol. just sort of right place right time. he strikes me as the type of guy who likes to play that it didn't hurt at all but he went home sore af and struggled not to scratch it as it healed lmfao

jack: 1 or 2! just really chill nature/wolf-motif things like the moon or something. subtle and small. :3

ruggie: his skin is pure and unmarred...LOL. honestly he's just a cheapskate. he could go for some cool bone structure tats on someone else's a dime. a tramp stamp here or there for flavor, etc.

azul: zuzu is not the type for tats inherently but i'm really addicted to either A) the yakuza/mafia vibes where it's like a status/rite of passage type of thing or B) the "mer forms are reflected in ink format" variant. in this vein, i think he has a lot of artsy, flowy, and obviously nautical/octopus-themed tattoos. mostly on his legs even though he wears a full three-piece suit every day all the time lol. his wrists are for the twins to see ONLY

f&j: tattoos from their necks all the way down to their toes. similarly to azul, i like the eel + octopus vibes for them, as sort of azul's "claim" or what have you. idk it's just super cute to me i'm really married to this!!!

jade has more piercings. floyd has more tats. but they are absolutely just COVERED to me idc that's their vibe. [go check this pixiv log out] for some delicious yakuza-esque tweels tats you will not regret it

jamil: more prone to henna tattoos than anything permanent. would go for geometric designs and/or weird nature things like dead bird carcasses or snakes shedding their skin, etc. i think he would look so beautiful and amazing with tats and would give me all the more reason to never talk to him because he's so stunning hfksf

kalim: i'm not sure if his white marks are supposed to be tattoos?? but i see them that way lol. they're for status and traditional so def the way he rolls. i think he'd be down for plenty of impulse tattoos but jamil has to be like STOP lol. there's more at play for him than just desire for ink hahaha

vil: AND RUIN HIS PRECIOUS SKIN?????? never. he might. MIGHT. be open to a nice little flower pattern interwoven with a broken mirror to show that he's grown past that point in his life and doesn't need it to justify himself / his dreams but idk. i can't see it

rook: he would never do anything to make himself identifiable LOL. pass

epel: loves tattoos!! all of his are apple / apple blossom themed of course with a dash of punk vibes. i don't think they match or mesh well but he looks cool af anyways

ortho: (if a person) very subtle tattoos, all themed around death and flowers. (if a robot) not really idia's thing to design. but he could go for some temp additions to spice things up. sort of like "clothes" for him i feel haha

idia: LOL he's not leaving his house for this. but also pomegranates, death, and flowers IF he's dragged out to do it. he's in horrible pain and whines the whole time. his artist(s) hate(s) him

malleus: dragons & fires & flames & riches obviously. i think his tattoos would be so fucking rad. he's perfectly poised about all of them. maybe a geometric/architecture tat for flavor. he's got options.

lilia: same as above! i think he tends towards the more modern than malleus, whereas malleus enjoys traditional gothic vibes. also tons of piercings xoxo

sebek: pure. untouched. admires lilia and malleus's tattoos soooooo much but if i firmly believe he would be biting his bottom lip not to cry the second a needle touched his skin. "I'M A WARRIOR I CAN TAKE THIS!!" ...sure, jan.

silver: zonked. lets the artist do whatever. nature-based tattoos of flora and fauna with some occasional abstracts thrown in.

+bonus - crewel: I THINK HE WOULD HAVE SUCH WICKED TATS...that trein would give him a hard time about them. good thing he always wears that damn fur coat LOL. i feel like his whole theme is like chains, whips, dogs, etc. i love this for him

thanks for asking hehehehe

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au part 20

post directory

obsetress: ok but when they first meet

obsetress: at that bar on whatever night or whatever

obsetress: when dani and viola are talking

obsetress: viola's waving her hand around as she says something and dani's staring and then totally out of nowhere:

obsetress: "wanna compare hands?"

obsetress: "what?"

obsetress: "lemme see your hand"

obsetress: and dani is grabbing one of vi's with both of hers and pulling it towards her "like this"

obsetress: and then dani's pressing their palms together and viola's raising an eyebrow and dani just GRINS and then even once they lower their hands back to the bar, neither of them move away

em: dani is SO bold i would die for her

obsetress: god same

obsetress: dani keeps glancing down at them as they're talking and she is NOT subtle

obsetress: viola catches her every time

em: maybe dani gets a smidge of smthn on the corner of her mouth and viola...

obsetress: viola pulls her hand away and dani blinks and her brows do that lil thing but then viola's murmuring "here" and grazing her thumb along the corner of dani's mouth

obsetress: dani squeaks

em: love when dani gets out dani’d

obsetress: viola's like "sorry, was that... was that okay?" and dani just swallows and nods with big shining eyes and then vi kinda hesitates and (they've been talking for a couple hours at this point, touchin hands and obv v into each other) lets her thumb graze across dani's bottom lip and she murmurs "what about that?" and dani's eyes flutter shut

obsetress: cut to: them making out in the bathroom

obsetress: no um

obsetress: thinking about vi and dani's first kiss and like

obsetress: maybe like right after that up there vi's leaning in closer and i think she. asks dani "can i kiss you?" and dani's whispering "please" and then they're kissing all soft and THEN cut to: them making out in the bathroom and one of them slamming back against the door and kissing hard

em: dani whispering please…

em: also the smash cut between um nervous anticipation and SLAMMING against a door is so funny to me

em: sums them up

obsetress: RIGHT

obsetress: it's so good i love them

obsetress: i cant decide like

obsetress: because i don't think vi would be so rough with dani at first as to shove her hard against a door and i DO think dani would be shoving her against the door and her tongue down her throat first chance she gets

obsetress: but i think vi prob flips them p quick

---

em: i am. creasing thinking abt dani having to rename all of violas contacts like STOP FUCKING UR EX

obsetress: STOP FUCKING UR EX lskfjakdlsfjsd even BETTER

obsetress: edit the tumblr post coward

em: obsetress: no um dani definitely calls the landline once and viola's like "HELLO?" and dani's like "hi?" and viola's so glad to hear her dumb voice but she's still like "dani, why are you..." and dani's like "well... i, uh... i... i was... and then i..."

obsetress: anyway they have phone sex on the landline

em: CRYIN

em: danis blocked all of vis numbers except the landline shes down Bad

obsetress: yeah,

obsetress: (dani still comes over after)

em: unstoppable force (danis thirst) meet immovable object (violas stubbornness)

obsetress: just imagining like

obsetress: i mean either after this or at literally any other time

obsetress: dani and viola laying side by side in vi's bed catching their breath immediately after and viola's just like

obsetress: "you have the libido of a teenage boy"

obsetress: and dani's head just flops to the side to look at her and she just GRINS

em: dani makes some quip abt um

em: danis like i read somewhere women don’t hit their sexual peak until their 40s or something and violas like (extremely tersely) i’m 35

obsetress: SCREECH

obsetress: dani "no, i... i know, i wasn't–– i was just––"

obsetress: viola can't stay pressed w her

em: dani tryna explain her way outta that one i’m

em: dani has never once seen violas drivers license nor ID

obsetress: "i was just... saying, because, you know, i mean... for me, i'm... you know, i'm only ever getting more..." (flush, head duck, grin up through her lashes) "you know. and i'm getting older, so i was just... thinking. for me, i mean. thinking for me"

em: dani; also i give WAY better head than a teenage boy

obsetress: viola biting her lip, grinning, melting because how could you not? and then dani kinda stops in her tracks and her brows pinch together and she tilts her head at viola "i'm... a lot better at going down on you than a teenage boy though, right? i think i am" (long pause) "i hope i am"

obsetress: anyway viola laughs and tugs dani over n on top of her "i wouldn't know" and dani does her lil nervous laugh and is like "yeah, you're right, i guess not" "but" and dani's face lights up and viola continues "i think you probably are. and you're definitely up there" and dani just GRINS

obsetress: her head is back between vi's legs not three minutes later

em: dani talks big game n then like immediately double checks for validation

em: it’s an important part of her character growth!!!

---

em: ok more ‘viola has been doing this lesbian thing for longer than jamie realises’ content but like

em: perhaps she has a whole lot of ear piercings that she just never wears

em: and then one day she’s like gosh gotta make sure these don’t heal over and jamies like

em: hey what the fuck

---

obsetress: um suddenly had a thought

obsetress: viola tattoos

em: oh

obsetress: yeah, like um

obsetress: vi wouldn't have heaps and they'd be hidden bc Propriety but

em: hidden tattoos my beloved

em: all tattoos my beloved

em: i mean defs has like. the date and coordinates of isabels birth somewhere

em: but um! hmm

em: haha violets

obsetress: THE ISABEL THING WAS THE FIRST THING I WAS GONNA SAY

obsetress: violets are very vi tho like

obsetress: shade plant yk

em: under the tit

obsetress: I WAS GONNA SAY UNDER THE TIT

obsetress: GET OUTTA MY HEAD

obsetress: ok it has to be canon then if we both thought it

em: it’s canon!!

em: hmm what else

em: i think viola and dani have belly button piercings but like they got them separately

obsetress: omg when did they each get theirs

em: hmmmmmm

em: i mean wild child rich heiress viola (untapped potential here won’t lie)

obsetress: wild child rich heiress viola/boarding school wild child dani au

em: oh my god

em: viola defs went to a boarding school and dani n her commiserate over it

em: viola gets it done while she’s in highschool

em: dani post eddie break up

em: like symbolically reclaiming herself deal

em: doing things for Her

obsetress: YES

obsetress: i was gonna say vi highschool dani college

em: YES

em: idk what tattoos dani would get but am thinking abt viola holding her hand while she’s getting a tattoo or piercing done bc she’s braver than ppl think but Also

obsetress: vi holding dani's hand and telling her how good a job she's doing

obsetress: dani kissing vi's tattoos

obsetress: super fascinated even though shes seen them a hundred times

em: danis like haha and what’s this one mean (plants a big old smooch)

---

obsetress: Shananigans402: dani putting on 4 inch heels and being so content that she's finally her girlfriend's height and then viola kisses her before putting on 6 inch heels with a smug little grin

obsetress: i––

em: oh my god shannon

obsetress: oh shes on one

obsetress: Shananigans402: dani starts keeping things on a high shelf in her place just so she can ask viola to reach up to get them down for her

obsetress: i was talking to shan abt the shelf thing

obsetress: and i played myself i think

obsetress: because now i literally cannot stop thinking

obsetress: dani putting the strap on the top shelf in her closet "baby 🥺 can you get it 🥺"

---

[em note: once again it is the time honored timezone tradition of either sending ur friend something really good or really fucked up b4 they go to sleep]

em: what about

em: jamie and dani laying in bed after brunch w violas excessive amount of ear jewellery and jamies like ‘those were cool. i want some’ and danis like ‘with ur tiny lil ears??’ and jamies like ‘well. yeah…’ and danis like well. if u wanna. i think one would be cute here (mwah) and here (mwah) or maybe here (mwah)

em: ticklish jamie. that is my lil idea

obsetress: im Soft

em: thankyou

em: em softsbians

em: what was ur lil idea

obsetress: oh

obsetress: not obsoftress

obsetress: but um

em: look i was really hoping i could make it hornier but alas sometimes the idea is soft

em: can’t force the horny

obsetress: i will do my job n delivery the horny for u i suppose

obsetress: it's a hard job but somebody's gotta do it!

em: it’s a thankless job!

obsetress: dani, sneaking up behind viola to wrap her arms around her waist and bury her face between her shoulder blades: baby 🥺 can you get the strap 🥺

obsetress: dani, laying on the bed, staring up at her, panting: baby 🥺 can you get the strap 🥺

obsetress: dani, pulling away mid-heated makeout, half naked, still grinding into vi even tho they're not kissing anymore without even realizing it: baby baby 🥺 can you get the strap 🥺

obsetress: dani, catching her breath after her first orgasm, letting her head flop to the side to look over at vi: baby 🥺 can you get the strap 🥺

em: insatiable dani clayton my beloved

obsetress: thank you i agree

obsetress: something about dani calling vi baby also........................

em: oh i love dani calling vi baby SO MUCH

em: fucked up that dani clayton is potentially just the right height to motorboat vi pretty much whenever

em: sappho may u plant ur self face first into the breast of ur tender gf or whatever

em: dani: haha i’m so short i can’t reach it. can u lift me

obsetress: vi sees thru all of dani's little tricks but entertains them anyway

obsetress: because she knows shes gonna get to rail her at the end of them

em: dani being a little shit is foreplay actually clayton

em:

[derangedroyalfae]

Sunday, April 18, 2021 - 10:00pm

{mostly taken from a conversation with my best friend, Jem - there were some bits that I thought were worded well}

Royal (2:26 PM): Sometimes I think about taking antidepressants again if only to numb the pain. And then I remember how it made me too numb and to everything, so then I think about drinking or doing edibles, but then it still sounds awful and could possibly amplify those feelings (as alcohol usually does make me feel more upset). And that’s sometimes why self-harm becomes a substitute, because it ether distracts from those feelings or even makes you feel like your receiving punishment for whatever you’re upset about. But I know self-harm turns into a loop of guilt and shame and worrying about worrying others.

Jem (2:27 PM): I haven't heard the same about edibles that I hear about alcohol

Or marijuana in general I suppose

Royal (2:28 PM): Weed scares me. Like I’m worried I’ll have a reaction because whenever people smoke or cook it around me, I get super sick feeling. I also know Kitty had a bad reaction to edibles, like gave her ultra anxiety and hallucinations or something like that.

Jem (2:29 PM): Ah, gotcha I myself am allergic so I can't say I've tried it myself either

Royal (2:29 PM): I think I might be allergic and I don’t wanna find out the hard way

When people smoke/cook it around me, I get nauseous and a headache

Jem (2:32 PM): Yeah, I used to have two roommates that both smoked weed in our tiny apartment I used to have near constant headache until I moved out the next year

Royal (2:33 PM): I wish I could just remove those negative feelings I have: anger, sadness, jealousy, dysphoria, etc Put them somewhere far away so I wouldn’t have to deal with them, and wouldn’t have to hurt others because of them

(I tend to use dysphoria for myself as an in general term, not just with gender dysphoria, btw)

Jem (2:34 PM): Aah, yeah, I get you

Royal (2:38 PM): But even though I’m scared I’ll have a bad reaction, I’m mighty tempted to ask Hummingbird if I can try one of her edible gummies rn...

Jem (2:41 PM): I wonder if there's a way to try it in a safe/monitored way

Royal (2:41 PM): Well, if I do just one gummy

With their supervision

So if I have a bad reaction, they can watch over me or drive me to the urgent care

I love how it’s called urgent care but usually has like an hour or longer wait

Jem (2:43 PM): Ah yeah, that'd be the best way to do it Keep the phone handy too

Royal (2:45 PM): Hey, at the very least, doesn’t look like it has any interactions with my cholesterol medication

Jem (2:46 PM): That's good to know

Royal (2:50 PM): I don’t think I’ll actually follow through with it or anything, just my mind thinking of solutions

I’m feeling calmer now anyway

For now

{And then proceeded to draw this (it’s an idea I’ve had this idea for a long time now, especially since the first time I experienced extreme jealousy with Capy, but never had the courage to follow through since I’ve never done inking and rarely traditional colour, but I finally worked up the motivation to try, and honestly, it’s perfect timing as it was therapeutic to draw)}:

Royal (8:09 PM): Random question, I’m curious your thoughts on this: do you think it’s insensitive to joke about getting with other people when you’re in a relationship, especially/at least in front of your partner (at least if the two of you haven’t established a non-monogamous relationship), and even more so if you know your partner is dealing with jealousy issues?

Jem (8:12 PM): I’d think so, yeah

It's definitely odd

Unless it's like, I donno, a celebrity or something

But even then, it'd make me wonder why someone would say that if they knew already their partner was having issues

Royal (8:12 PM): Like someone they know/knew or met in the past, but 100% out of the picture now

So it’s def not a celeb

Jem (8:14 PM): Yeah then even without the jealousy issues, unless that's some sort of pre-established shared humor, it's kinda weird

Royal (8:15 PM): K, I was curious what you’d think

I agree with that too, it just feels really insensitive, at least if you’re monogamous

{Whilst I never told Jem what it was about, it has to do with something similar that had happened earlier today - though I am not technically in a monogamous relationship, so the above can’t fully apply to me. But to explain this better, I’ll have to jump back to something that happened in December 2020.

Capybara had told me about how there was this really attractive lecturer he met in the past whom if I remember correctly, spoke Greek, so his friend got him a Greek dictionary to help him try to impress her, but he never really ran into her again. I had made a comment that you know, guess it worked out for the better because then we would have never become a thing should he have actually succeeded in getting with her. And he made a joke that wasn’t the case or a joke that brushed off what I said as almost nothing. I knew he was joking, but it was kinda a really emotional time for everyone and I’m still even to this day working through my newfound romantic/sexual jealousy issues, so I took it kinda harsh at first and then eventually told him that same night how that kinda made me feel shitty.

Well, today, we were gaming with one of his friends (super great, hardworking, and nice lad) that we often play Sea of Thieves with and it turns out that was the same friend who got him the Greek dictionary, so it somehow got brought up in conversation…and just…they were joking that Capybara was Odysseus and this other woman was Odysseus’s wife and they’d find each other again one day. I can’t remember which character they assigned the friend but they were saying I could be one of the gods, and I’ll be honest, didn’t handle that situation the best, so I made a off hand comment of something like, “Guess I can be Athena or Aphrodite since they’re the jealous types, guess that works pretty well.” Don’t know if they picked up the hint. I don’t know if they were at all thinking about how this was something awkward for me, cuz I’m pretty sure the friend is aware that I’m dating Capy and is supposed to assume we’re monogamous as Capybara doesn’t really feel comfortable letting his friends or family know I have other partners. It just also happened to be a sore topic for me, cuz when Capy made that joke, even though I knew it was nothing more than a joke, it made me feel like nothing and replaceable, which I already see myself as.

Just to kinda let Capybara know that I’d prefer the topic to be dropped, I messaged him privately: “So I just remembered, it was you talking about that Greek dictionary thing to impress that girl and making a joke that like, meeting me wasn’t for the better cuz she’s still out there that kinda made me feel like shit even though it was a joke”

To which he responded with: “she's a lecturer my dude 😂 she's like in her 40's - don't worry”

And I replied with: “No I know, but it was more of the joke that followed that rubbed me wrong. At the time”

And he just sent these two emoji’s in response: 😧 😕

Immediately after our messages, as we had still been playing, he went dead silent and so I noticed this (not sure if the friend did at first) and I at first just tried to silently apologize in DM, cuz I hadn’t meant to upset him, but he still remained silent. So shortly after, I asked if we should call it quits even though it was early. I felt so guilty and I immediately sent him more apology messages and even an apology voice memo, but I assumed he turned his phone off by that point.

Once again, my jealousy got the best of me and I hurt the person I love most in the world and made a fun time involving friends go awkward. I was having a good early afternoon/late morning with him at first, and then I ruined it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and my jealousy under control. I’m such an asshole.}

Royal (8:22 PM): Off topic, but still on the issue of jealousy, I feel like when I have jealousy issues myself at the point I’m at, it’s like a double headed snake due to me being in a polyamorous relationship - one head are just the pre-established toxic/venomous things that come with jealousy and the other head is the guilt and shame of feeling I have no right to be jealous when I have two other partners myself thus making me feel hypocritical (and being ignorant of any potential jealousy from other partners)

It feels like those two snake heads could eat me alive with just a few bites each if I let them in

It’s such a viscous cycle and honestly, the basic head of jealousy is enough of a problem that turns my stomach, but the second head just makes me want to surrender to the earth

Jem (8:28 PM): I get you It's a lot

Emotions are hard

Royal (8:28 PM): Especially when they revolve around something or someone you already have such an emotional attachment with

And then those feelings, like feelings of jealousy, only end up making you hurt the ones you love

Making them feel guilty or annoyed or like you don’t trust them or something

Jem (8:31 PM): Tbh, as someone who generally struggles with a lot of jealousy type issues, I get that (not necessarily romantic jealousy even, but just there's undercurrents of it that are always there and present in every relationship)

I don't think it's something that can ever be fully dealt with and just I guess has to be accepted and worked around At least for me

Royal (8:33 PM): And it makes you wonder if you truly care for those if you’re so easily jealous of them, since they tell you that shouldn’t feel that way if you really love someone, that you should be able to love them blindly and trust them, and it’s not like I don’t trust, but I feel so easily discardable by those who I could never even fathom of turning my back on

Royal (8:34 PM): Honestly, I’ve even felt some jealousy toward you in the past - not romantically - but it was something I worked on

Jem (8:34 PM): What if I were to say same though haha

Royal (8:34 PM): You seemed to be doing so well with you VN and you picked up art so fast

Jem (8:35): Aah for me it's always revolving around

My need for attention tbh

Royal (8:35 PM): But I told myself, “you just need to keep trying. Feeling negatively toward someone success is selfish and gets you nowhere. Improve yourself and you can also feel that success. He’s not succeeding to hurt you in anyway - you should be happy for him.”

Or like, probably not those exact words, but ya know, that idea

Royal (8:36 PM): Yeah, I understand that too, especially growing up in a family of 6

That kinda happened the other day with Kitty (whom at this point my feelings are pretty platonic) - for over a week now I’ve been telling the girls about a game (For the King) I’ve been interested in playing with them, and the other day, Hummingbird went on a social distancing date with Crystal, so I asked Kitty if she’d like to play with me since it’d be just the two of us and she agreed. However, she had a headache, so we thought it’d be best if she napped first and if she felt better later on then we could play. When she woke up, Lapis hit her up for some gaming and Kitty decided to game with her instead and forgot she agreed to game with me...

Jem (8:41 PM): Ah, that kinda thing really sticks with me

Royal (8:41 PM): And so I’m just getting to a point where I feel like I should just stop asking them if they wanna game with me, because it’s not the first time something like this has happened (at least they don’t follow through, not a matter of them deciding to do something with someone else)

Like, I made the Murder Beans server so Capybara and Kitty (and Hummingbird if she ever decided to get Among Us) could game with my friends in the CSR Creations server, and that was back in fall...the girls never joined a game even when showing express interest and saying they would

Kitty also once went and bought Lapis like the whole Halo Master Chief Collection for Lapis cuz she was broke and wanted it, and the proceeded to play it with her and Hummingbird...and like...I also would have liked to have played Halo with them if given the opportunity, but I was never asked

Sheezus, don’t even get me started in my family and how invisible they made me feel

But yeah, I’m at a point with the girls that I don’t think it’s even worth bothering to ask anymore, at least about gaming

Hummingbird’s confusion and migraines are also coming back, so she has a legit medical excuse and I can’t really bother her about it

Jem (8:48 PM): I get you, yeah

All of those things would really bother me too They have in the past

I remember when I first joined UCSD, I started hanging out often with the girls that lived around me in the dorms And we all started watching Orphan Black together

And then I literally had no idea when they finished the show because after the first couple sessions they forgot to invite me

Royal (8:51 PM): Oof, yeah, that’d bother me too, or at least tell me how they felt about me in my mind

I don’t think with my jealousy, it’s a matter of not trusting my partner or friends or whomever, it’s just a matter of feeling such low self-worth that I feel easy to discard, and when I get brushed to the side or have someone joking along the lines as how dating me wasn’t for the better when someone else is out there, it furthers those feelings I have about myself, those feelings of self-worth and how I’m replaceable or not worth shit

Jem (8:54 PM): I get you I know mine stems from feeling forgettable

Royal (8:54 PM): I know I’m an annoying person, I know I can be a lot and emotionally draining, I know I can be hypersensitive - so I know it feels like it’d be better to be rid of that sort of force if you can find someone better who doesn’t make you feel the way I’d do

(In response to feeling forgettable) Yeah

If you remove the fun hair, piercings, and tattoo, I’m actually quite a boring person

And I’m quite isolated. If you don’t include my partners, there’s only really two people who come to mind that I’d consider close friends that I can talk to: you and someone else (you’ve never met her)

I’m getting to a point where I have a hard time talking to the girls due to the guilt I feel about me more or less wanting to be platonic with them, and then Hummingbird is constantly having a medical crisis and I’d feel bad burdening her further

So really, I’m isolated down to two people, primarily you, + Capybara, and yeah, that’s my own fault

I feel easily exhausted by my other options at this point, where I feel like I can only take Candy in small doses (which feels really hypocritical of me) and my other VA friends or gaming friends, I don’t know if I’m close enough to have those kinds of conversations with, especially the VA friends since I tend to be their boss

For the most part, the other people I’d sometimes talk about these issues with are on servers that are primarily dead, so it feels awkward to hop back in only to bitch about my life

Besides, I hate seeming like I’m only spewing forth toxicity and negative emotions over and over again

Which I worry I do too much with you as is

[tobe-sogolden]

Hope you don’t mind me asking but what did you think of Olivia’s quote about the 50s having a reputation for being conservative and controlled when it was actually “debaucherous”? I’ve seen people of colour upset and I understand it comes across as ignorant and privileged, I think she could have said it better. but also she was talking about dwd so context is important. We all know it’s a story about upper class people who live opulent lives, you can see where she’s coming from with the movies she notes as inspiration and it obviously isn’t a film about racial issues (that we know of yet!). I’m sure she knows it wasn’t fun for minorities back then but I think she meant that people think everyone was traditional and didn’t do anything “wild” when it wasn’t always the case and they had lavish parties and stuff . Idk I’d love your thoughts as someone who doesn’t dislike her. I’m not trying to defend her either I get why people thought what she said was insensitive, white people can all improve with this stuff it’s fine to make them accountable. I just don’t think she’s a racist or super ignorant person in general

Agreed. I really don't have anything to add. I'm a black woman and I didn't take it in a negative way. I think it's glaringly insensitive when people are like "omg the 50's seemed like so much fun I wish we could go back, it was so much better!", but that isn't what she said or implied. She didn't even say the 50's were "fun", just unhinged and excessive when they're traditionally thought of as a time that was purely rigid and restrictive. But I mean everyone has a bias that colors the way they hear/interpret certain things. I don't dislike her, so I'm not apt to assume the worst interpretation of everything she says. A lot of people really don't like her, as is their right, so they're obviously going to be reading whatever she says with that lens on and it's going to impact the way they take her words. I personally didn't find it insensitive, but it def could've been said with a little more tact to avoid running the risk of people taking it the wrong way. That just isn't front of mind for most white celebrities unfortunately but imo that doesn't make them racist, it just means they still have work to do to be better 🤷🏾‍♀️ And I think she's said ignorant things when she WAS ignorant, i.e. uninformed, but I don't think she's a malicious or ill-intentioned person.

[kyunsies]

MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3 

[softnorwegians]

i don't think the girl who plays zoya is bad (def not as terrible as meg, but tbh the only girl squad member i think is good is jo), but i def cringed my way through the first dance meeting for the reasons you mentioned. like sana taking charge and talking about getting cool and stuff made sense for russ! but it was pretty much verbatim translated and it did not make sense in context for a dance team lmao.

jshkfs, same! It’s really not the same thing but they didn’t even work to change how they’re talking about it to make it fit. I don’t think I’ve quite nailed down how to express my problems with this one but here goes:

A problem with subbing in a dance team for russ is it isn’t a rite that everyone partakes in, which changes the whole framework of what they’re doing. With russ, it’s a graduation tradition that everyone either participates in or notably doesn’t. It’s like a bottleneck, you have to figure out how you’re squeezing through. Sana and Vilde want them to aim higher and not just scrape by as an uncool bus but they always had to interact with the idea somehow. But while football culture is super big in Texas, it’s not the only path. The way they’re talking, it’s like because they’re not a part of the football/cheerleader/dance circle… they’re losers. But it was weird to me that they didn’t acknowledge there were alternate subcultures they could go be popular in. They could go do theater, the drama kids have their own standard of popularity and they even also dance! Maybe I’m underestimating Texas but it doesn’t have to be football-or-you’re-the-dregs-of-the-school, you could opt out and find your place elsewhere. 

They’re not just opting in, they’re trying to really obviously push their way in. Why would an advisor even let them start an alternate dance team for people who didn’t make the cut of the first one? Why would they possibly get to perform at the same events just because their boyfriends are on the team? What’s the meaning of their alternate dance team if aren’t invited to participate in the football games etc? By trying to start a new dance team and have it be comparable to the Kittens… they’re fundamentally doing what Zoya is trying to advise them against in this same conversation: trying too hard and being uncool. Now that’s what would set them up for social humiliation, I don’t get it.

Same thing for the “trading our sexuality for popularity” exchange, that felt really awkwardly kept identical when they were actually talking about something much more broad this time so it was just… not… the same.