#non monogamy

[genderqueerdykes]

happy pride to polyamorous people, non-monogamists, relationship anarchists, swingers, people who follow to multiple models of love, people in kink families/houses, and anyone else who feels their love and the way they conduct their life does not suit the amatonormative "one partner for life" model. i hope you have an amazing time loving and being loved and enjoying life

[gigglingauspice]

was having a conversation with a friend about what a “normal” amount of partners to have is. This is about any kind of committed partner— not just romantic or queer platonic, but sexual, alterous, wavership, and “undefined but my partner regardless.”

If you have more than nine partners, good god do I respect your time management.

[sillysayaka]

poly. this is the life i want to live. i love them all. i cherish every moment with each of them. i take good care of each of them. it's so fulfilling talking to each of them.

[its-all-good-my-luv]

Three is never a crowd... 🥰⚘️

[autism-industrial-complex]

Polyamory is that warm fuzzy feeling in your heart spilling out every time you look at your partners and their smiles.

Polyamory is telling multiple people, “I love you and I want the best for you.”

Polyamory is constantly revisiting and reflecting on your boundaries.

Polyamory is regularly checking in with your partners to make sure that their boundaries are being respected and their needs are being met.

Polyamory is knowing how to be comfortable alone. Knowing how to recharge yourself, how to let your partners live their lives without invading their spaces.

Polyamory is a lot of hard work. Sometimes you have to fight your own biases. Sometimes the rules and boundaries of the relationship feel too rigid, sometimes they feel too loose. You have to familiarize yourself with not just your partner’s schedule, but have a general understanding of your metamours’ as well.

Polyamory is patience, patience with yourself, patience with your partners, and patience with the learning curve. There will always be more to learn; how to be a better listener, how to recognize unfair treatment or relationship trends, how to give and receive affection in meaningful ways.

Polyamory is difficult. Polyamory is rewarding.

Polyamory is not a replacement for monogamy. Polyamory is not inherently better or worse than monogamy.

Being a good partner is independent of how many partners you have. Being aware of how partners should treat you is independent of how many partners you have.

Having a healthy, fulfilling relationship is for everyone.

[fourhornedsatyr]

I'm gonna talk a bit about my relationships and how I implement relationship anarchy in my day-to-day

I always felt so trapped when I was younger, thinking I had to get everything from one singular person, a singular lover. I felt trapped only being able to love a singular person the way that I love my companions & partners & friends & acquaitances now.

I was engaged for a time, and always just felt so... trapped. I was polyamorous before I got into that bizare relationship, but tried out monogamy because I was scared by the the pandemic. I can now say that I will never try monogamy again, but I also cannot say that I neatly fit into the idea of polyamory. When I got out I read Relationship Anarchy (Cortéz, 2022) and later discored Anarcho Relating's youtube channel.

It was these concepts of non-hierarchical and non-binary or multi-faceted relationships that I found myself able to be comfortable with the idea of being intimate with others.

I find it odd now-a-days even thinking of my people in categories and I find myself making more valuable and numerous connections with people when I adress a new person I meet with the same attention and care as I do with my closest people. I can certainly say that some people are a bit more like friends, but in all honesty I feel as though trying to fit my relationships into these labels and models is purely counterproductive. I find myself referring to people by name in most instances. I may say friend or companion if appropriate, but only in formal situations or when their name is unkown to the target audience.

I find myself loving more comfortably and naturally upon viewing my relationships as being composed of modular aspects that are not inherently anything (The Relationship Anarcomb, AnRel 2022). Our relationships can be composed of emotional, physical, & sexual intimacy and often form around or with transactional or collaborative actions that we engage in with one another. These are a few of the ideas prompted by AnRel's aforementioned work, and are not a finite list of the components that may build a relationship.

Physical and sexual intimacy are important for me to have in my life, and I enjoy such with people I would consider to fit the friend relationship model. I have people who are friends who I (nonsexually) sleep with, who I engage in near-sexual intimacy with, who I do engage with sexually, who I only touch to give fistbumps and hugs, and those who I engage in nonphysical intimacy with only.

Yet I find that it is most important to me that I do not owe any one of these people more time than the other and I am not obligated to love any of them more than the other. Likewise, we understand that we may come to drift apart, but that we may come back together (even if it is differently) or that we may never do so (and understand that that is okay. There is an appreciation for life in the moment with my people. We love eachother for who we are here and now and care for eachother how eachother needs care, and we wish eachother the best when it comes time for us to go onto new things.

This is love.

I cannot view love as anything other than this ability to exist with others and to let eachother go when the time has come.

I cannot view love as anything other than treating eachother as individuals who may do as we wish.

I cannot view love as anything other than appreciating the time I have with the lovely people I find myself with in the moment.

I cannot be loved and oppressed at the same time. I cannot be loved and owned at the same time. I cannot be loved and valued differently than others, only to have others vye over me.

[waterme-stories]

Wild to me that there are ship wars for Interview With The Vampire when, as a teen, The Vampire Chronicles were some of my first exposure to non-monogany.

Obviously it wasn't perfect. I mean, Lestat/Louis/Claudia is a textbook example of "relationship broken, add more people (oh no now it's even more broken)," and "not every Vee should become a Triad." If you've ever experienced the drama of an incestuous non-mono community where everyone's dated everyone... those books all get a little too real. There's backstabbing, jealousy, domestic abuse, and more murder than I personally prefer in my own polyamory 😅

But there's also "we belong to each other, why would anything we do with other people affect that?" There's "let's find out what it looks like to be with someone for the rest of my life (or theirs)." The idea that relationships have value even if they don't last forever. That romantic relationships aren't inherently more important than platonic ones. The idea that you can hold multiple people in your heart at the same time, that there's room for everyone. That the relationship escalator (dating > marriage > kids > death) isn't the only (or best) way to have significant, committed relationships.

They introduced the concept of comet relationships to my baby brain more than a decade before I would learn the actual term--those people you don't see for months or years but as soon as you see them it's like no time has passed (a personal favorite for my ADHD ass).

Like, when I say those books changed my brain chemistry, I mean that my silly little self-insert Mary Sue OCs went from "marry my fictional crush and be with them forever" to "what if they only saw each other once or twice a year but it was still incredible" and "what if she was married but also had a vampire lover and everyone was chill about it (and also she was a rock star)" and "what if they all lived in one big house together" and/or "what if lived by herself and found that fulfilling" and "what if men and women and ???" That shit was formative. Some of those little daydream OCs live in my brain to this day.

-

Idk man. I don't have much patience for ship wars anyway (and I'm scratching my head about people getting upset about canon relationships being, you know, canon). But with TVA especially, my brain simply cannot comprehend it in a monogamous framework.

[wonderlandgoblin]

This is a serious question for all my asexual and aromantic people:

Why don’t I see you guys talking about non monogamy?

I just started studying about it and it makes no sense to me that no one in our communities - who fight for the freedom of establishing forms of relationships where romantic love and sex don’t have to be the main focus -, seem to be talking about non monogamy, the confrontation of the monogamous system that establishes that our entire lives should revolve around one single sexual-romantic relationship and that all other forms of interaction are less meaningful and fulfilling.

It is obvious to me that we should all ally ourselves with each other because we will all be winning. So why?

Please someone explain!

[illwalkintothefire]

Knowing how happy my wife's boyfriend makes her, and seeing how well he treats her brings so much joy to my heart! I know I make her happy too, but seeing how she glows while talking to him, about him, or seeing him, and how it's the same glow she has around me, just makes me so happy I can barely describe it 🥰💖🥰

[silv3rclouds-with-graylining]

[gigglingauspice]

Been seeing some interesting answers on this poll... so, once again-- This is about any kind of committed partner— not just romantic or queer platonic, but sexual, alterous, wavership, and “undefined but my partner regardless." Any kind of serious, long term partner.

if you want nine or more partners-- good lord. good luck, and godspeed. if you want no partners, i wish you a very pleasant 'everyone leaves you alone about it'

[estrogeneral-intelligence]

Thoughts on this as a logo for Relationship Anarchy?

[its-all-good-my-luv]

Ok honey... you can open your eyes now. 💕⚘️🫶

[midnightfantasizing]

Question to poly people. How did you meet other poly people, past partners, current partners, and just other folks you share that in common with?

[polykinkstr]

Polyamory is about loving someone who encourages you to share that love with others.