#i did not watch it. until literally five years later and after that friendship exploded and ended (for the best)

[greghatecrimes]

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve gotten unfairly invested in a ship that’s canon, heterosexual, and has a woman that’s blonde for at least part of the time and played by Jennifer Morrison, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.

[itsclydebitches]

The post about how characters don't connect to the setting is one of the reasons why the beginning of V7 frustrated me so much. James gives this plan of telling the world about Salem, Weiss rightfully points out their will be panic everywhere and NO ONE connects that with the very real fear that this plan could put all their families in danger. Nor does anyone get excited about the Amity project potentially allowing them to call home. Ruby's been away for A YEAR. Doesn't she miss her dad at all?

Exactly! This isn't a bad faith criticism where we're demanding the show do a ton of emotional work that there just isn't time for in the fighting focused plot; a claim that it's awful because it's not functioning as one genre (like a drama, soap opera, etc.) over another (action/adventure, fantasy, sci-fi)... I mean we get nothing in regards to this issue. Not even crumbs. And these connections are, supposedly, at the very heart of the "trust love" narrative. I think it's easy for people to forget what happens between volumes — especially given the "Only the latest volume is canon" mentality — but we literally had Ironwood announce to Ruby that he'd need to use his army to keep the grimm attacks at bay once the Salem secret was revealed and then a volume later Ruby reveals the Salem secret (along with a whole lot else that is scary, horrifying, and generally negative-emotion educing) after she's cut all ties with Ironwood and his army is fully engaged in keeping Salem at bay. There is no discussion, let along concern and worry, about how many people she just got killed for an announcement that the show has failed to justify. Why is telling the world about Salem worth the casualties it will cause? What is the world going to do against the immortal witch? Ruby doesn't know. That's her whole dilemma this volume: wanting easy answers and then crumbling when she can't think of any. Problem is, she endangered the whole world before admitting, "Oh, I have no idea how to stop all this awfulness."

I mean, I understand on an emotional level why the hypocrisy of Ruby's lies and secrets don't land because most people in the fandom dislike, or outright hate, Ozpin. That's really going to color any reading there, when suddenly the beloved hero is mirroring someone you despise — you'll do whatever mental gymnastics are necessary to keep them separate. But Ruby has no evil contrast here. This is all her. We watch her make a decision that she knows will endanger the entire world, including her loved ones, and it's never even raised as a concern. The same way no one raises concerns about going to Vacuo. Yes, supposedly escaping was the only option available (I say "supposedly" because the plot did a terrible job of convincing us that evacuation was still necessary with Salem currently exploded and it having been established that she's only after the Relic on Atlas), and in a crisis situation they aren't necessarily thinking about long-term survival (that's my own stance regarding Ironwood's desire to rise high: he's not thinking about how to live there indefinitely, just how to survive the next few hours), but why send them to the Kingdom they know Salem will attack next? The Crown is hidden. You have the Lamp and the Staff. You know Salem is after all the Relics, so of course she's going to Vacuo. And so you dump however many refugees there, in the city she's gunning for next, intentionally setting up the next Fall of Atlas? Yeah, we all know it's because structurally the story hasn't been to Vacuo yet, but in-world it makes the characters look incredibly stupid. Why dump an entire Kingdom's worth of people in the most hostile environment, with the most wary citizens, a place you know the Big Bad is heading to next, when you could instead split them up and send them to safer Kingdoms that aren't currently in Salem's path? "Oh, it's because Vacuo still has huntsmen and they need huntsmen to combat all the grimm." There wouldn't be a massive grimm problem is Ruby hadn't told the whole world about Salem!

And this problem of not thinking through actions in a way that demonstrates real care for the world is just compounded over and over on a personal level. It's the same way Ruby doesn't care about what happened to Qrow until she hopes he can fix everything. The same way she doesn't react to Yang "dying." The same way Yang didn't mention Summer for five volumes. The same way Jaune, Yang, and Nora rejected Ren until he fell in line. The same way Blake is trying to inspire Ruby when they've barely exchanged a handful of sentences since Beacon. The same way, as you say, no one has made mention of the family they've left behind, let alone considered how building a communications tower might be a way of reconnecting with them, especially when at least two of them — Ruby and Oscar — left completely out of the blue. Are they presented as caring about how that inevitably hurt their care givers? Nah. The fandom gives Tai so little slack, but at least the story showed him watching Ruby's message and being upset at the danger she's in. When was the last time the girls mentioned Tai?

... have they mentioned him since they left home?

The show has done a terrible job in the last couple of years of showing that these characters actually care for one another, beyond a superficial level, especially when all the cute friendship moments that function as filler are obliterated the moment one of them disagrees about something (see: Ren). There's no sense of place and little sense of real family, from Weiss doing multiple 180s with Whitley, to Blake being the only one who reacts to Yang's "death." It all rings so hollow. I'm supposed to believe that Ruby is still the one to inspire the world towards unity when she, at the point of her speech, still hasn't even tried to reconcile with Ozpin, has been betraying Ironwood this whole time, insta-turned on the Ace Ops for trying to make her face consequences for the crimes she knows she committed, fought her way into the kingdom because she didn't like the peaceful solution Cordovin offered (send Weiss), hasn't made mention of her father, collapsed over hearing her mother's name only to get over it seconds later, at this point in the volume barely interacts with her sister, and is leading a team whose attitude ranges from "Glares at Marrow for daring to suggest she works with anyone other than Yang" and "Points a weapon at her baby brother because she, apparently, can't even manage to work with a minor civilian family member." This is the team who is going to inspire Remnant to unify against Salem, the group who keeps not unifying with everyone they need to work with? There is a serious disconnect here. You can't tell the audience to "trust love" while failing to show basic love and support among the cast, and you can't try to make Ruby the poster child for unity when she has, since Volume 6, has consistently failed to unify with anyone: not Cordovin, not Qrow until he agreed to stop questioning her, not Ozpin, not Ironwood, not the Ace Ops, not even Robyn considering that was all Yang and Blake. Ruby's struggle right now is an inability to work with people who don't agree with her 100%, her biggest flaw is an all or nothing attitude, and the writing is failing to see how that might just be a problem when she's telling everyone else to put their differences aside to work together. Having Ruby actually try to connect with people more, worry about them, express love for them, etc. — both family and allies — would at least help soften this issue, but without it her characterization has severely tanked in terms of the compassion the show wants us to believe is still there.

[katnissmellarkkk]

Okayyyy chappy seven 🤩 Here we goooo 🥳

Lord, Katniss always had nightmares 😭 even before the games, between her father’s death, her mother’s abandonment and the other traumatizing things she saw in her life, my girl never slept peacefully a day in her life 🥺.

She even indicates that she sometimes has nightmares about past hunger games 😭😭😭. Someone protect my smol child. Please. Someone.... Someone? Anyone? No? Okay 🥺

“I bolt up screaming for my father to run as the mine explodes into a million deadly bits of light.” This is such a powerful image and it really does show that Katniss has literally envisioned all the gory details of her father’s death for the last four years. This is so sad 😞

Also though. Katniss really doesn’t talk much about her father’s death after the first book and definitely doesn’t describe nightmares about it. So .... like basically, the games traumatized her so badly that, her father failing to escape the mines as the collapsed in on him, crushing him into the pits of despair, the possibility of rescuing his corpse deemed unimaginable, pales in comparison? Yes I just tried and failed to phrase that long run on sentence the way Katniss phrases her nightmares about her dad dying, yes that was over the top but you know what? So. Is. Katniss.

“Dawn is breaking through the windows” Twilight reference 😬😬😬. I couldn’t stop myself, y’all. Forgive for please.

“The Capitol has a misty, haunted air.” Katniss, you’re from the butthole of Kentucky, the air you’re used to is probably humid as all get out 😓😓💦😅😅

“I must have bitten into the side of my cheek in the night. My tongue probes the ragged flesh and I taste blood.” 😒😒😒😒 this feeling ..... is .... v v v .... distinct .... and .... familiar 😕🙁☹️

“I end up hopping from foot to foot as alternating jets of icy cold and steaming hot water assault me.” Why is this so funny omg 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😅😅😅😅😅 Katniss is just like pressing buttons like, “Ah! Too cold! 🥶 Ah! Too hot! 🥵 Ah!!!!!” All while jumping like a .... cat 🐱🥁

Lemon foam? 🍋 Whatever. I guess there’s weirder flavors of soap we have today but like where’s the Philosophy flavors that give recipes on the bottles??? Surely they’d survive an apocalypse??? Everyone uses those???

I’m so glad Katniss didn’t forget to moisturize, even as she prepares for a death match 😅😅😅😅 even if it’s just as simple as pressing a single button, why is she even taking the time to press it?

I know, I know. She just wants to make sure her skin is so smooth for the arena that the knives and arrows just slide right off 🤣🤣🤣🤣

“This is the first time since the morning of the reaping that I resemble myself.” Lolololol which means Mr. Romantic is gonna be even more turned on by the sight of ya, since he’s crushed on you looking like this for the last decade of his life 🥳😎🤗💁🏼‍♀️. Peeta ain’t even here yet and I’m already making the shipper comments Samantha calm down 🙄😶😑🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐

Seriously there where is Peeta? Did he also have to figure out the temperature controls in the shower? Did he also moisturize? I miss him I wanna know about his morning too 😔. Katty, is it too much to ask for you to go take a lil ... sneak peek into his room for me? 😏😏😏

Twenty dishes seems like a lot for like four people eating? Eh, maybe six people, if we count the stylists who magically pick and choose when they’re coming to a meal... Hmm, I’ll calculate just so no one else has to. 🤓😬🤗 No one else cares, Samantha. 🤐🥱😴😶 Twenty dishes amounts out to about five plates without the stylists and three and a half-ish with so.... idk it’s not that much food I guess but it seems like a lot for one meal, esp if people in the Capitol intend to keep their trim figures. This is why that one prep team girl is chubby. 🤐🤐🤐

Awww Katniss copying Peeta’s weird lil eating quirks 🤗😎🥳. She’s already taking interest in him, she just don’t realize it yet 💁🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ shipper comment alert 🚨🚨

But also has anyone actually tried dipping bread on hot chocolate and was it good or does it taste as repulsive as it sounds to me? I hate it when my food even so much as dares to touch though 🤢😡😤😓

Oooo I always forget Prim has to be utilizing her goat, milking the thing every day until it’s dry I’m not a farmer idk how milking animals works ... so she contributes more than I give her credit I suppose.... I’m making an effort for you, Primmers. You seem useless and immature but I’m trying. 😪😶 Taylor Swift voice 🎶 *this is me trying* 🎶

Oh wow it was only two mornings ago? Man. The first book is slow moving. 😅😭 six chapters in and we’ve gotten through one point five days 🤣

“It makes me irritated that Peeta is wearing exactly the same outfit I am.” “Listen, Peeta, one of us has to change, this is getting embarrassing, you have to stop borrowing my clothes!”

“This twins act is going to blow up in out faces once the Games begin.” Ahhaahahahaha blow up 💥 💣 🔥. Get it, get it. 🥁 Because she represents fire. And she also blows things up in Every. Single. Book.

But seriously, did Cinna and Portia and Haymitch all plan on presenting Katniss and Peeta are like, tight friends or whatever, and then Peeta is like “oh b-tee-dubs, I have a massive crush on K-dog” and they just decided it perfectly fit into their plans?

I’m so jealous that their breakfast has bread baskets 😩😩😩 I know they’re headed to the slaughter but still. Bread.

if you like, I'll coach you separately. Decide now." "Why would you coach us separately?" In case one of you ... not naming names .... Peeta .... wants to reveal your lifelong crush on live television 😎😎😎

Also Haymitch is like “make an important decision but take zero time to consider it, I’m tired and hungover, kids, idc for your drama 😒”

Which as an auntie to a wonderful little two year old ... is v relatable 😅🥲🙃🤭

“And I already know what yours is, right? I mean, I've eaten enough of your squirrels." I wanna make a dirty joke here so badly but the lord himself is saying no.

“Town families usually eat expensive butcher meat. Beef and chicken and horse.” Ohhh this is interesting. Katniss believing Peeta and the other merchants live high on the hog while Peeta is later is like “I eat expired bread for every meal, Katniss” I mean, better than starving like her, but also not how she’s painting the picture in her mind. 😶😭

Also Katniss never mentions horses in Twelve, where’s the butcher getting horses from to slaughter and sell? That’s why Katniss never sees them, Samantha, duh 🙄

“I can't do anything. Unless you count baking bread.” "Sorry, I don't.” This was such a quick and matter of fact brush off, poor Peeta 😭😭😭 my baby I’m still rooting for you don’t worry you got this

Also. Lowkey, highkey, that tiny exchange triggered me. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. Those awkward moments where people brush me off or glance over me live in my head. Rent free. For life.

I wonder sometimes often times if Katniss’ father and Gale’s father knew each other? Both hunted and worked in the mines. Just a random sidebar 😅🤭🤐🙃

“She’s excellent” He’s so proud of his wife 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

So uh.... is it safe to say Mr. Mellark is an Everlark fan? If he likes and admires Katniss and Peeta and him apparently have some kind of close-ish bond (okay, maybe not but maybe) then perhaps he is carrying the shipper banner back in Twelve for them 🥳🥳😎😎

Katniss, you dingaling, of course he noticed you 🙄🙄🙄

Peeta compliments her and her instant reaction is “what are you doing, weirdo?” 😅😭

“Don’t underrate yourself” Peeta, love of my life, take your own advise. Stupid. 😪😪😪

“I've seen you in the market. You can lift hundred-pound bags of flour” Katniss in the market, staring across the way at Peeta, 👁👄👁, watching him lift flour over his shoulder.

“He came in second in our school competition last year, only after his brother." This is criminally undiscussed. Peeta being a wrestler alone is undiscussed but also.... did you go to his matches, Katniss? Miss Anti-Social, Hunting-First-Everything-Else-Later? 😏😏😏 If this ain’t proof of her lil crush idk what is

“All you need is to come up with a knife, and you'll at least stand a chance.” “You'll be living up in some tree eating raw squirrels and picking off people with arrows.” Does no one else realize that Katniss and Peeta literally took the other’s advise for the first part of the games? How did Peeta get in with the Careers? The way she just said. Where is Katniss when Peeta and the Careers discover her? High up in a tree. Okay, this maybe didn’t compute right but I had a thought here so I said it

Peeta’s mother is just a monster. Who says that crap? 😔😔😔 don’t worry, baby, I’m rooting for you

“She said, 'She's a survivor, that one.' She is” Yeah, she is, no thanks to you, Mrs. Mellark 😤. Stingy ho.

Peeta’s got pain in his eyes 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awww, Katniss accrediting her survival to Peeta’s help 😭😭😭😭. This is so pure. Also kiss now, you little freaks.

“She has no idea. The effect she can have.” This is such an iconic line... but the can has always had me laughing. She can have an effect, if she really wants to. Or not, depending on the day.

Katniss is so stupid, how did she construe that as an insult??? 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ y’all ever just wanna smack her into a wall?

“In public, I want you by each other's side every minute” If Peeta didn’t have a long life crush, what was the ultimate plan with all this friendship act they’re being forced into? 🤔🤔🤔

Even Peeta’s trying to object to it 😭😭😭😭

“You will be together, you will appear amiable to each other.” You will fall in love. 🤩🥳😎

“I bite my lip and stalk back to my room, making sure Peeta can hear the door slam.” Okay, now imagine how much she’s hurting his feelings right now 😖😣 what a little brat

“But that didn't mean I wanted to do everything with Peeta. Who, by the way, clearly doesn't want to be partnering up with me, either.” Lolololololololol this is so funny in hindsight 🤣🤣🤣. Also if you showed a little enthusiasm, Peeta would probably be happy to partner with you.

“But a tiny part of me wonders if this was a compliment. That he meant I was appealing in some way.” No, really, Katniss? A compliment? Who’d give you one of those? 🙄🙄🙄

“It's weird, how much he's noticed me. Like the attention he's paid to my hunting.” A normal person at this point would put together a crush 😅

“And apparently, I have not been as oblivious to him as I imagined, either. [...] I have kept track of the boy with the bread.” Anddd a normal person would figure out their own crush at this point 😅😅.

“I do a quick assessment. Peeta and I are the only two dressed alike.” We stan a matching couple in this house 😎😏

“Almost all of the boys and at least half of the girls are bigger than I am” That means 18 out of 24 tributes tower over my girl here. Smol Katniss. The movies did such erasure on this front I’m still bitter 🤐😒😤😩

“I may be smaller naturally, but overall my family's resourcefulness has given me an edge in that area.” Just a tiny muscular thing standing next to a bunch of tall, lanky kids. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Awww “Each [Career tribute] must have fifty to a hundred pounds on me.” I mean ... let’s calculate. A muscular girl would probably weigh like 150 pounds... so basically Katniss is at most, 100 pounds. Tiny Katty.

“I'm thinking that it's lucky I'm a fast runner when Peeta nudges my arm and I jump.” This is a random, cute interaction 😍😍😍. Shipper blinders are on and tight.

“Suppose we tie some knots.” “Right you are.” I legitimately just scratched my face, who says right you are? An 87 year old man, that’s who 😅😅😅. Not turning your girl on very well, Peeta baby.

Although it does sound a bit like a backwoods southern thing soooo.... hillbilly Everlark nation rise. 🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

“We concentrate on this one skill for an hour until both of us have mastered it.” Awww, so Peeta knows how to tie a snare? He’s not as clueless as half the fandom acts.

How exactly is frosting cakes equating to amazing camouflager in a death match? Books crack me up with these connections. “I’m an amazing artist because I write birthday cards!”

Lolololol Prim admiring her future brother-in-law’s handiwork 🥰🥰🥰🥰 too bad she dies before they can get together for real for real.

“Somehow the whole thing - his skill, those inaccessible cakes, the praise of the camouflage expert - annoys me.” Dude, you get praised by everyone and their brother while Peeta gets overlooked, give him a moment to shine. 😑🙄 jealous wife much?

Also she’s already picking up on Peeta’s eye for beauty 😅😅😅

“It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death.” "Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you'll find in the arena. Say it's actually a gigantic cake-“ "Say we move on.” She’s such a little snot. 😒😒😒

But also I love that already in this point of their relationship, Peeta is noticing when she’s being a brat 😭😂😅. “Don’t be so superior.”

“Despite Haymitch's order to appear mediocre, Peeta excels in hand-to-hand combat, and I sweep the edible plants test without blinking an eye.” Lolololol their mentor’s advise went into one ear and right out the other 😂😅🤣.

But also why did the movie make a point in adding an extra scene of Peeta looking weak and the Careers staring at him? That literally took up time and served no purpose at all. 😤😤😤 I’m coming for you, Gary Ross

Awww, everyone but the careers eat alone. But Katniss and Peeta eat together 🥺🥺🥺. It’s like a forced first date 🥳🥳🥳

I like how Katniss says they include bread from every district but she then proceeds to only mention the two districts that later have relevant tributes. 😅😅😅

Lolololol their fake friendship “laugh ... now! Okay, I’ll smile, try to say something interesting”

“Ever since I slammed my door, there's been a chill in the air between us.” Well yeah, you probably hurt his feelings 🥺🥺🥺

Umm, Katniss just casually drops that she was chased by a bear.... how did homegirl live? 😬😳

Peeta knowing Rue’s name and being the one to take notice of her first 🥺🥺🥺. If the games had come down to Katniss, Peeta and Rue, y’all know Everlark would have swallowed the berries and gotten Rue home. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“Don't. Don't let's pretend when there's no one around.” "All right, Katniss.” He made a single comment to you, ding dong. He didn’t ask for a goodnight kiss 🙄🙄🙄.

Also anyone ever think of how lonely Peeta’s life must be? He’s not close to his family that we can see, Delly’s his only real friend, after he wins he lives in that huge house all alone... I feel sad now. I did this to myself. 😬😭🥺

Katniss’ “Oh! The weapons!” When she sees the bows and arrows is so cute 🥰🥰🥰

Katniss has such a rage built up inside of her. Let it out, girlfriend

See, I’d have done this too but in my rage, I’d probably have shot a real person and not the pig ... goodbye, Plutarch 👋🏻

Andddd I think that’s all for this chapter! Sorry my comments weren’t as interesting as usual 😬.

[cherriesfineline]

MEET HALFWAY OUR NEEDS - one shot

a/n: hi! this is my first time ever posting one of my writings online (I'm about to shit myself but oh well). I literally wrote this so fast I'm impressed, but anyways I (kind of) proof read this -not really- just quickly read through it after I finished it. English isn't my first language (I'm so self conscious I'm probably gonna say that every time I post something) but besides that, I really hope you enjoy this <3 feedback is truly appreciated, it helps me improve!

-Joey

Pairing: Harry x Y/N

Warnings: detailed sexual content

Word count: 9.2k (of mostly smut??? sorry)

the one where Harry wants to get married but Y/N doesn't.

As you grow older, you start realizing life isn't as easy as it seemed when you were a kid. Not everyone gets lucky enough to have a job they're passionate about. Not everyone can satisfy all their necessities. In fact, you realize it's most people instead of "not everyone".  Friendships and relationships won't last you a lifetime (those promises of being there for each other forever now seem like genuine naiveness) if you don't put enough effort in them. When you are young you believe that being able to play for hours straight without getting bored is what true friendship is about. And maybe it is, during those years.  Adult relationships require a lot of time, and effort. And sometimes, sacrifice. Conversations have a different weight, and being able to trust someone with your most uneasy thoughts and experiences is hard. To find and to keep.  When it comes to love, you start realizing that the thrill and intensity of teen romance isn't what true love is about. It's not about getting into fights, hardcore jealousy and toxicity behaviors. It's about being able to just be there, with that someone. Being able to coexist in each other's worlds, share what you're passionate about without any fear or remorse, being able to communicate. To ask for help when needed. Now, that doesn't mean things can't get complicated.  For the past two months, Y/N and Harry's relationship has been balancing on a very, extremely, thin line.  After six years of being together, and three of those living together, being the happiest they've ever been, everything started to look different for Harry. He was ready to take a step Y/N wasn't.  Harry always knew he wanted to get married, have kids, move to a pretty house outside New York (it's been his favorite city ever since he visited when he was 12, then moving all the way across the globe from Manchester to attend Columbia University). And when he met Y/N, he knew she was the one he wanted all that with. But Y/N... she wasn't so sure that was the life she wanted. Having kids was a no at least until she was in her 30's. And even then, she knew she'd have to re consider if that's what she really wanted.  She loves kids, she has a couple nieces a nephew's (coming from a big family has it's perks) and she's a preschool teacher. She's good with kids, but she wasn't so sure she'd be a great mother. Not for a specific reason, but she really feels like that's the case. Taking care of someone else's kids versus your own is extremely different. Now... it gets even more complicated when it comes to marriage. She doesn't believe that a piece of paper kept in a legal's office will make any changes in their relationship. It will all stay the same, married or not, so she just doesn't think it's important, nor worth the money.  Harry, on the other hand, thinks marrying her will change everything in his life. For the better. He loves her more than he'll ever be able to put into words. And because he can't put it into words, he feels like it's the actions, small and big, that help him communicate his love a bit better.  He still remembers the moment he mentioned marriage to her (not for the first time, but definitely the first time he actually thought 'ok i really want to marry her right now') like it happened yesterday. He remembers exactly what it felt like to physically feel his heart shatter inside his chest, and the way he silently cried himself to sleep that night with Y/N in his arms.  "Would you ever, uh... consider g-getting married? like, I don't know, if we ever have, like, an actual conversation about it, would you consider it?" He asked her in the middle of their Lord of the Rings marathon.  Harry could feel her intense staring at the side of his face. She was quiet for so long, it killed him. He truly wanted the cushions of their pink couch to just suck him inside the furniture piece.  He wouldn't dare to turn his face. He couldn't look at her, no. Not to face the rejection of his lifetime.  "Uh, I don't think so." She said, and Harry only nodded, thinking the conversation was over

once he felt her move her head to face the television again. "You know how I feel about you and how I feel about marriage. I honestly think it's useless. You don't need a signed paper to know how much I love you, Harry." Her tone was soft, but the words that left her mouth felt like a million knives inside his chest.  That conversation sent him spiraling over a thousand thoughts, overthinking their entire relationship and how he now felt like they were getting nowhere with it.  He respected her decision, though. That's why he didn't bring it up again.  Y/N sensed his mood change that same night. She kept her mouth shut, because she truly didn't know what to say. She didn't understand where he was coming from, or why it was so important to him. At first, she didn't think his mood was affected because of her not wanting to get married, maybe he had something else going on and was struggling to talk about it, but after many sessions with her therapist going over and over their conversations and trying to decipher why everything was so weird between them, she came to the conclusion it might have to do with them not getting married.  She just didn't want it. And she didn't know how to make him understand. But she couldn't lose him either. He was her everything. It took her months to be able to sit next to him like she did the night he was watching The Little Mermaid in the living room of their small New York apartment.  It's been months since they last shared a movie night, or a date. They've been eating dinner while having awkward small talk about their jobs and friends, going straight to bed after cleaning everything up, each to their side. They haven't touched each other except the occasional greeting peck ever since that night. And it was killing both of them, but neither knew how to approach the other.  As she sat down to his right, she saw him tense immediately. It broke her, to see him so on guard around her. Y/N couldn't look away from him, with her body facing him and her head rested on the back of the couch, she wanted to grab his hand so badly, but she didn't know if he'd reject her.  The doorbell rang, and he looked at her for the first time that night. His eyebrows had the cutest frown and she wanted to kiss his forehead to make him relax, but of course, she didn't.  She sent him a shy smile and stood up, going straight to the door and picking up the cash she left prepared on the little table next to it. She could feel his stare burning holes in her back, which sent chills down her spine.  "Thank you so much." Harry heard Y/N say, immediately hearing the door shut. From where he was sitting he didn't have a clear view on who was on the other side of the door. Y/N made her way to their kitchen (to do God knows what, Harry thought) only to appear seconds after with two tubes of ice cream (from his favorite place) and two big spoons.  She sat back down next to him with her legs under her, a little closer than moments ago but still out of Harry's reach.  She handed him one of the tubes, and Harry immediately noticed it was chocolate chip mint, his favorite, he might add. He looked up at her, who gave him a small shrug of her shoulders and a side smile, and he couldn't help but smile widely at her, his deep dimples on full display.  God, I missed those dimples so bad. Y/N thought.  But what she didn't know is that Harry was thinking about how much he missed her. Entirely. He hated himself for overthinking every small detail, and for thinking so lowly of their future. But he couldn't help it. "Thanks." He shyly took the ice cream and started eating right away. Not five minutes later, he grabbed her by her thigh and dragged her next to him, only to have her close to his body. And because he missed her. And her body heat. And her addictive smell of clean soap and vanilla. And a lot of other things which would take a lifetime to enumerate.  She looked at him from her new spot, and due to the proximity, she had to shift her head slightly up to look at his face. She slid her right arm around his left,

carefully looking at him to see any kind of reaction that might show discomfort, and when she noticed his smirk slowly and barely making an appearance, she relaxed next to him, fitting half of her body under his arm, with his elbow resting on her stomach and her head on his upper arm. Half way through the movie, with their ice cream tubes forgotten on their coffee table, Y/N looked back up to him, and even though she's been doing it every two minutes, Harry knew she wanted to say something this time. He doesn't look at her, though, thinking it might shy her away, but right when he was trying to concentrate back on the film, he heard her say something.  It was barely audible, almost like she didn't want him to hear it. Did he imagine it? Maybe he's so deprived from her and her touch and her words that he's finally going insane.  Harry looked at her this time, and looking straight at her grey eyes so closely for the first time in two months felt like a thousand fireworks exploding violently on his stomach.  "Did you say something?" He looked at her confused, and the look on her eyes is so hard to decipher he thinks she definitely said something she's scared to repeat.  "I miss you." Y/N repeated herself, barely louder. But then he knew for sure he didn't imagine it.  His Y/N missed him. For so long Harry thought he was losing her, that after distancing himself from her she finally realized she not only didn't want marriage, but a relationship with him at all. But she missed him. And he missed her.  "You miss me?" He asked, almost like he didn't believe her, his tone was low and his voice sounded deeper that ever.  Y/N nodded, but she felt pathetic. She felt like he didn't miss her like she missed him, maybe he didn't miss her at all. For two months she's been feeling like he wanted out, that this relationship felt like an obligation to him.  Harry felt her slowly sliding away from his arms, and that's when he realized he's been so stuck in his head he still hadn't replied.  "Don't," he quickly grabbed her by her thigh with his hand closest to her body "please, don't go." She stayed still in her place, looking at him with soft but sad eyes. "I miss you so much, Y/N." Harry turned on his spot so he's facing her, and softly cupped her jaw with his free hand, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "You have no idea." He whispered, slowly getting her face close to his while closing his eyes. He kissed her forehead so lovingly she literally burst into tears. Y/N's soft sobs alarmed Harry, lifting her head up by his hold on her jaw. "Please, don't cry baby. It breaks me when you cry."  Y/N shifted on her place so she was with her body facing the back of the couch, her knees pressed against it, but she tilted her body to the side so she could hug Harry. She slowly draped her arms around his torso, resting her head on his chest.  A sigh of relief left Harry's lips, resting his chin on top of her head while he hugged her back. One of his arms was resting low on her back, while the other one rested on her shoulder, his giant hand cupping her head to softly caress her hair.  They stayed in that position for a long time. Y/N could feel Harry's heartbeat, and how it slowly picked up speed when she pressed her lips to his chest. And even though he was wearing a shirt, Harry could feel the heat of her lips through it. He pressed his own lips on top of her head, leaving them there for a while, almost like a very long, still kiss, until he felt her head shift underneath his lips. He pulled away just barely to allow her to look up at him, and when she noticed him quickly looking down to her lips, she stretched her neck up to press their lips together.  It was a short, very sweet kiss. With fear as an undertaste and nervousness written all over her. She was just scared he was going to leave.  When she pulled away from him, she didn't have time to open her eyes as she felt Harry press their lips together again. This second kiss was almost the same as the first one, insecure.  It's funny, if you think about it. How similar their

feelings were and how scared they were of messing everything up with a single wrong move.  Once Harry pulled away from the kiss he initiated, they locked eyes, yet again. But this time, it was written all over their faces how badly they missed each other, and how much they dreaded to feel the effects each had on one another after so long.  The third kiss they shared, it's initiated from both sides, almost as they were able to read each other's minds. Their lips moved in sync, and as Harry softly captured Y/N's bottom lip between his own to slightly suck on it, she put more pressure into it. The kiss slowly started to gain force, passion and need. But she was scared to take the next step. She wanted him to take the full lead, as opposed to what they were used to, just because she didn't want him to feel like he owed her anything.  And then, he did take that step. The hand he had holding her jaw moved under her hair to grab her by the neck, while slowly tracing her bottom lip with his tongue, asking for access to her mouth. And once she allowed their tongues to meet, his hold on her lower back got stronger, draping his arm completely around her waist to pull her closer. That action made Y/N's body lift up from how strong he was holding her, and she took this as a sign to move. She straddled him on the couch, sinking (almost on slow motion) to sit on top of his thighs. Harry groaned in frustration. She's too far away, he thought.  "Closer." He said in a pleading tone, and Y/N complied immediately. She slid her body up his thighs, and he forced her chest to collide with his. The hand that was holding her neck slowly traced her entire spine, to join his other one on her lower back.  Her tongue felt so warm and soft, so inviting. He had always loved the way she kissed him, with so much passion but with a gentleness that was so her. She managed to fully relax in his hold once her hands found their way to his hair, right behind his ears, and he couldn't help but whimper at the feeling of their groins pressing together.  This sparked a burning fire inside both of them. A fire that burned so good they'd rather die caught on it, than to never feel it again.  Harry slowly slid his hands up and down her sides, all the way from her outer thighs to her side boobs. And when he did it for the second time, on his way up he slid his hands under her shirt instead of continuing their path over it. When his hands stopped at the higher part of their path, he caressed her side boobs with his thumbs, doing the same afterwards right below them, and when she finally grinded down on him, letting a deep groan leave her lips, he cupped her breasts with his hands.  But when she pulled away, he dropped his hands automatically.He started eating his brains out thinking he really messed up, he was taking things down a road she didn't want to take yet, which was okay, it's not like he only wanted her body back, but he was scared he made her uncomfortable.  Only then, his dick grew incredibly hard when she grabbed the hem of her oversized t-shirt to pull it up and off her body. Her perfectly perky boobs bounced slightly when Y/N dropped her shirt on the floor, resting her arms on her sides.  He looked up from the lovely sight of her boobs thinking about how badly he wanted to devour them, only to find her with an uncertain look on her face. And he hated it. He hated the thought of her doubting herself so much.  Harry ran his hands up and down her soft stomach, and then slid them up, softly but barely touching her boobs. His destination was somewhere else (for now), and he grabbed Y/N by her neck to pull her close.  Their lips met again in the softest kiss they shared that night so far, and Y/N melted in Harry's arms like the forgotten ice cream behind her. He kissed the corner of her lips as he pulled her hair slightly so he could start kissing her jawline, down to her neck, leaving pepper kisses all over her skin.  When he reached her collarbone he started sucking and biting (she loved when he bit her) knowing he couldn't do it to her neck

due to her job. She let a moan leave her lips, and when Harry slid one of his hands to grab her by her hip, she grinded down on him again, with more confidence this time.  Harry lowered his face a bit more so he could finally reach one of his favorite features of his Y/N, her boobs. He took her left breast in his mouth, sucking on Y/N's nipple, making her whimper and jerk forward, tightening her hold on his brown locks to pull him even closer. He slid the hand that was holding Y/N's hair down so he could pay attention to both nipples at the same time, while using his hand on her hip to keep a steady peace to her grinding. Once she caught up with the slow but rough peace he wanted, he let go of Y/N's hip to grab the nipple he had in his mouth with in his hand, and he pinched both of them at the same time, rolling the hard buds on his fingers, then moving his mouth to the other one.  He spent a lot of time paying attention to Y/N's nipples, nibbling, sucking, groping, knowing damn well they were extremely sensitive (she could orgasm just by nipple stimulation if done correctly, but she really wanted him right now). Y/N pulled from his hair enough to let him know she wanted something else, and when he let her nipple fall from his mouth, he looked straight into her eyes.  Harry's cheeks were tinted a pretty shade of pink, and Y/N couldn't help but admire the beautiful man under her.  He looked at her with such pure eyes, but lustful at the same time. She didn't understand how he could look so innocent but so fucking hot at the same time, it was unfair how angelic he was.  She grabbed a handful of his shirt, to let him know she wanted it off. Once Harry complied, throwing his shirt somewhere near Y/N's, he immediately reached for her cream silk shorts, tugging the elastic band down as a silent plea for her to get out of them for him.  She stood up from the couch, knowing Harry loved when she undressed herself for him, and still in between his legs holding eye contact, she slowly slid her shorts down her thighs along with her underwear.  Harry couldn't keep eye contact for long, though. His eyes were glued to her glistening core that was slowly making an appearance, and he was getting frustrated at how slow she was being.  He sat straighter on the couch so he could reach for her, and slid his hands down the front of her thighs, and on their way up he slowly slid them to their insides, getting close to where she wanted him. He slid one of his hands down again, but this time he grabbed her right leg from behind her knee, to pull it up. He made her rest her feet outside his thigh, which was now in between her legs. In this new position he got a clear view of her pretty pussy, all on display for him.  "So wet, baby." He whispered, and she couldn't help but return her hold on his hair to pull him closer to her. "All for me?" Harry asked her, looking up to stare at her right in the eyes. When she nodded, he hummed in response. "Let me take care of you, it's been so long. You probably need it so much, don't you?" His voice was so fucking deep and raspy she nodded desperately in response. Y/N couldn't handle much teasing, and she let Harry know by tightening her grip yet again, and forcing his face to be so close she could feel his breathing on her.  "Please, Harry." She pleaded. Harry loved teasing her, but he knew it's been a long time, he didn't want to frustrate her much.  He finally licked very slowly up her folds, all the way from her opening to her clit, humming when he reached her sensitive bundle of nerves. Y/N let out a long sigh of pleasure, her eyelids fluttering shut. She felt like she could literally come just by that, and when he closed his lips around her clit, she grind her hips against his lips. He started switching between sucking and pressing his tongue on her clit until he started to move it, creating undefined figures with the tip of his tongue.  They missed each other so much, so so much. And they both knew sex wouldn't magically fix everything. They knew they needed to work things out. But

sometimes conversation needs a little push, something to remind them why they need to fix things. The magnetic pull they felt towards each other was unbearably strong. They needed each other, in every imaginable way, but at that moment, they needed each other's bodies and emotion, no words needed. Just feel each other close.  Harry gave her clit a sweet kiss, and looked up at her while his fingers traveled up and down her folds, until they found their home in her opening. He searched her eyes for approval, and when she whispered a soft 'please' he slowly sank his ring and middle finger, knuckle deep. She whimpered loud at the sudden pressure, and he groaned at the tightness of her hole.  He rested his forehead on her navel for a second to let her adjust, and when he felt her grind on his fingers, he held her gaze while lining his mouth with her clit yet again. Harry started to work his fingers in and out of her, sucking on her clit. But what turned him on the most was her slow grinding on his face and fingers, like she was fucking his fingers nstead of his fingers fucking her.  Harry used his free arm to slide it under her leg that was up on the couch, and grabbed her ass with a tight grip to pull her even closer.  The pleasure was beginning to feel overwhelming, the pressure deep down on her belly begging for release was making her desperate. Y/N's moans and breathy sighs were becoming louder and consistent and the way he could feel her legs slightly shaking gave away how close she was to her release.  Harry wanted her to make a mess on his face, so badly. He lowered his head and replaced his fingers with his tongue, not before he moved his fingers one last time to massage her spongy spot at the front of her insides. He fucked her with his tongue as he used his soaked fingers to stimulate her clit, circling in the fast and rough peace he knew she enjoyed so much.  Her insides felt like a rocket about to launch, between his moans sending vibrations through her entire body and his fingers stimulating her clit the way she exactly needed, she became a moaning mess. Y/N couldn't comprehend how she was still standing up, even though Harry's arm under her thigh was holding most of her weight up, her knees were about to give up soon.  "H-Harry, I'm so close," Y/N spoke as clearly as possible, knowing her panting was messing with her words, "please don't stop." He admired the way her jaw tightened and relaxed, her mouth opening shortly after, making a perfect 'o' with her eyes pressed shut.  With one specific movement of Harry's tongue, she finally let go. With her eyes rolling back she let a couple of continuous 'fuck's quickly leave her mouth. Her entire body jolted forwards, bending a bit over him while his mouth was still attached to her core, helping her ride her orgasm, making it last for as long as possible.  Y/N pulled Harry away from her with her grip on his hair once it became too much, and looked down at him. Without a second thought she bent down to lock her lips on his, with so much force it threw him back into his original seated position on the couch.  "Take your pants off, now." She demanded, but adding an almost inaudible 'please', mostly for her. He happily obliged, taking his boxers down with them, imitating her previous actions. His cock sprung free, and he hissed at the feeling of freedom. Harry was so focused on her he didn't realize how painfully hard he was. He could feel his own heartbeat thundering in his chest with so much force it was almost alarming. He needed her so, so badly. Once his pants and boxers were thrown and forgotten on the floor, she straddled him.  Giving him a quick but soft kiss on the lips, she began making her way down his neck, reaching back up again to (what she knew) was his most sensitive spot behind his ear. Y/N sucked a small bruise, and he whimpered. God, Y/N loved those small noises he made. She kissed her favorite beauty mark on the right side where his neck meets his shoulder, and that small action alone made his heart feel like someone was squeezing and

twisting it. He missed those small loving details from her.  Y/N kept making her way down his chest, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses all over him, not forgetting to suck and nibble at his nipples. She loved taking care of him. All of him. And the way he enjoyed her playing with his nipples was something he was always scared of admitting, but he knew he didn't have to ask her to do it, because she just knew.  She sunk down to her knees, still sucking and licking the skin all over his stomach while caressing his thighs (Oh, those thighs). Y/N finally grabbed his dick and slowly stroked him all the way from his base to the tip, collecting some of the precum leaking from his deep pink, swollen head. He groaned loudly, lifting his hips to fuck her fist once. She took that as a sign to lower her head even more, his cock now in front of her face.  "Want my mouth, baby?" She tapped her plump lips with his tip, and when he looked down at her, she moved her closed lips around him, almost like she was using his precum as lipgloss, her hand still slowly moving up and down his length. She got him hypnotized. "Hmm?" She raised her eyebrows at him.  "Y-yes, please." He heavily sighed. His begging made her drip down her thighs, he knew how much she loved it, and she knew he loved begging too, maybe even more than her. She always took such good care of him.  She swirled her tongue around his tip once, then proceeded to lick up his shaft a couple of times like his dick was an ice lolly. Once she finally wrapped her lips around his tip, he sighed in relief, and relaxed his shoulders. Harry's hands grabbed her neck to pull her head down, and she surprised him when she suddenly deep throated him before even working her way there.  "Fucking hell, Y/N." He moaned when he felt her humming around him. Harry grabbed her hair making a shift ponytail, to help her get her hair out of the way, and using his grip on it to lift her head, her mouth left his dick, and he smirked at the small pout on her lips. "You are so perfect." She ignored him and tried to lean forward again, which made him smile at how desperate she was. He let her get what she wanted, allowing her lips to wrap around his tip again. She licked up his slit and swirled her tongue around him, and hollowed her cheeks to suck on his tip. She took more of him in her mouth, using her right hand to work on his base and her left to gently cup his balls and play with them.  Harry knew he wouldn't last long. It's been a while since they've done anything remotely sexual, and his hand... his hand wasn't her. So even though he could get himself off, nothing in the world would compare to how it felt when it was his Y/N pleasing him.  His breathing became irregular as she bobbed her head up and down his length in a steady rhythm, and when she tugged on his balls he knew he had to pull her away right that second, or he would come. And he really wanted to, but not like this.  "Baby, please," he tried to pull her head away with a tug on her ponytail, but she didn't oblige. Instead, she looked up at him through her eyelashes, still bobbing her head up and down on him, and that sight alone could make him come in a heartbeat. But he kept it together. "I wanna come inside you, p-please."  And that made Y/N pull away, her mouth making a 'pop' sound when she let his dick fall from her lips. She then straddled him, her hands finding their home right behind his ears, grabbing him by his hair, while his made their way around her body, hugging her close. His dick fit perfectly between her lips, and Y/N grinded on him to feel his wet cock slide through her folds, creating the most delicious friction. Harry kissed her passionately, trying to pour everything he felt in the kiss. And Y/N did feel it, because she was trying to do the same. They repeated the action a couple of times until she reached in between them to grab a hold of him, positioning him on her opening.  And when she finally sank down on him, they locked gazes. They sat still, connected. They were so close. They felt so close.  Harry

nudged her nose with his, softly brushing their lips together. He then noticed a single tear run down her cheek, and reached for her face quickly. Right before it got in her mouth he caught it with his thumb, and she leaned in his touch.  They didn't say a word. Just sat still.  With Harry caressing her cheek, and Y/N looking straight into his eyes. Y/N leaned forward to capture his top lip between hers, leaving the sweetest kiss, repeating the action with his bottom lip. After, she went for the right corner of his mouth, his cheek, his jawline, his pulse point, behind his ear. And repeated the exact same trail on the left side of his face, finishing with his top and bottom lips, one last time before starting to slowly grind and circle her hips on him.  Harry just couldn't stop staring at her. The amount of love and adoration he held in his heart for that woman was beyond words, and actions. And he then understood. He understood that he could live a life without marriage if it meant living it with her. He could handle it. He would get over it.  He involuntarily dropped his head back and shut his eyes with so much force, while hissing through gritted teeth when she finally lifted her weight on her knees, sliding up on his dick until he was almost entirely out, only to sink back down roughly, going so deep it made both of them moan loudly at how tight she was.  She slid one of her hands around his neck to grab him by his chin, forcing him to look at her. Y/N kissed him again, and this time their kiss was messy and desperate, between crashing teeth and loud moans due to her fucking him with all she got.  She let go of Harry's mouth to sit straighter, using his shoulders as support to move faster. This position gave Harry a view he wouldn't trade for anything in the world. He could see his cock, so drenched of her arousal, and her pussy taking him so well. The wet sounds leaving their connected centers were magical, so erotic, accompanied with the small whimpers and moans coming out of her perfect lips.  Harry thought she looked like a fucking goddess, with her round and perky tits bouncing up and down every time her tight pussy took him entirely.  "You're being so good, baby. Letting me fuck you just how I like it." She whispered to him, staring at his heart shaped, swollen lips. The lips she was so addicted to.  "You take such good care of me, angel. Always." He replied, looking into her eyes which were still glued to his lips. She licked her own, and moved forward to crash them against his on another messy kiss.  They both were so close. Harry couldn't understand how he managed to hold his release for so long, but he was proud of himself.  Y/N separated their lips for a moment to make him suck her point and middle finger, which he complied immediately, knowing exactly what she was doing. He then watched her lower her hand between their bodies again, but this time to reach for her clit, where she started to gently rub circles, stimulating herself.  Harry started thrusting up with force, to meet her halfway, tightening his grip around her middle. Y/N bit down his shoulder to stifle a loud moan, which only made Harry thrust faster.  "Please come for me, Y/N, I wanna feel you come all- all around my cock." He managed to plead between breathy whimpers. And it only took a few more thrusts from him to make her insides explode in the most blissful sensation, like electricity running all the way from her belly to her toes. She stiffens in his hold, her inside walls tightening and clenching so hard it almost sends him out of her, making his balls tighten right before he lets go. She could feel him emptying inside her, his spurts of cum filling her up, leaving both of them exhausted, satisfied and utterly fucked.  None of them moved for a while. Y/N's breathing calmed him, almost like a lullaby, and the way Harry was gently stroking her back made goosebumps erupt all over her body.  Without any warning, Harry stood up, making Y/N wrap her legs around him, she hissed through the feeling of his dick moving while still

inside her, and she bit down his shoulder again. She didn't question what he was doing, she didn't care.  Harry sat her down on a cold surface after turning the lights on, and when she opened her eyes she realized he sat her in their bathroom counter. He put some space between them so he could finally look at her again. The fact that they barely spoke during sex today (when they were usually pretty vocal) made everything so... different. Not in a bad way, though. It made them both enjoy sex as the pure performance of just loving someone. No need of crazy positions, weird kinks or edging each other the way they're used to. Just love. The need to feel connected. The need of physically demonstrating each other's love. How they are each other's entire world.  "I'm gonna clean us up, okay?" Harry told her softly, and she only nodded in response. She leaned in to give him a soft kiss, which honestly caught Harry off guard now that the sexual act was over. But made him happy nonetheless. She was scared of him shutting her out again. But he was scared of her getting tired of him.  He knew she was a free soul. She wanted so many things, and settling down to start a family like he wanted to wasn't in her near plans, maybe in her plans at all. And he knew that. He understood it, and he respected it. He just thought about how badly he truly wanted that life with her. He was just scared she would let him go.  They both looked down and hissed the moment he slid out of her. Harry had the perfect view of their mixed cum dripping down her core, making a mess on the marble counter under her. And Y/N saw his dick twitch at the sight, but decided against commenting on it. Even though it made her slightly smirk.  Harry took his time cleaning both of them, and Y/N didn't look away from him. Not even for a second. He lifted her up again and literally sat her down on the toilet so she could pee. They've done this a thousand times, it was normal for them, she wasn't modest about him seeing or listening to her pee.  After they brushed their teeth next to each other, stealing curious looks (especially Harry at Y/N's boobs through the mirror), they went to bed together.  And for the first time in two months, she rested her head on his chest, with his arms wrapped around her.  The only thing she didn't notice was that once Harry knew she was asleep, he couldn't keep it in. He cried himself to sleep that night. But it wasn't any different from what he was used to from the past couple of months.  The only difference was that this time, he knew he'd give up his dreams if it meant he could keep her around.  &  The next morning, Y/N felt something, or someone, shift behind her. She knew it was Harry. His arm was thrown over her waist, resting dangerously close to her boobs (she secretly loved the way Harry seemed obsessed with her boobs) and she could feel his breathing hit the back of her neck.  She hugged his arm closer to her body to let him know she was awake, which made Harry shift even closer, cup her left breast and press his pretty pink and warm lips to her neck.  "Good morning." She said with a breathy laugh, her morning voice was a sound that drove Harry mad. She sounded way too sexy for her (or his) own good.  "Hi." He nuzzled her neck with his nose, "how'd you sleep?" He left another lingering kiss, this time below her ear.  "Amazing. Haven't slept this good in a while." She replied honestly, wiggling her body back towards him so their torsos were pressing together.  "Mhm, me too." He whispered, tightening his hold around her, his morning wood pressing on her lower back. She could already feel the pool of her arousal in between her legs, and when she arched her back so now his dick was pressing against the curve of her ass, he groaned in her ear.  He slowly started to grind himself against her ass, moving down on the bed a bit so he could better his position. And when she grinded back against him, he reached in between them to position himself on her opening. He pushed the tip in, just enough to feel her tight hole around

him.  "Can I?" He asked her to make sure they both wanted this. When she sighed deeply in pleasure and murmured a 'yes', he slowly thrusted into her, both moaning a bunch of profanities.  They both were huge lovers of morning sex. It increased their moods during their days, helped them relax and carry their days with a carefree feeling. So, he fucked her. Hard. Not even close to how loving they were last night. He woke up with an unbeatable energy, and he wanted to take advantage of it. He fucked her in the position they woke up in. He turned her to her stomach and fucked her while (almost) laying completely on top of her (she loved feeling his weight on her) and he fucked her on all fours, only to end up in their initial position, with her back against his chest on their sides, so he could play with her clit to help her come.  That morning they spent it in bed, Y/N made them breakfast, Harry read a book. They both knew they needed to talk, but they wanted to enjoy some time where everything felt normal between them again. So they avoided the topic.  But the conversation they owed each other kept being pushed. And for another two months, everything slowly started to feel normal again.  Usually, avoiding conversation will lead up to more hurting. But with Y/N and Harry, it ended up becoming a realization point.  Harry got in terms with the fact they wanted different things. He decided she was worth anything and everything in the world, because she was his world. But what he didn't know was that Y/N spent those entire two months imagining what a life like the one Harry wanted with her would be like.  And after one day, on Harry's 28th birthday, during a small walk they were taking on Central Park, she realized she would do anything in the world to make him the happiest man he could ever be. She kissed him so passionately that day, interrupting their walk. He looked at her with a confused look when she pulled away with the brightest smile on her face. But that smile made him confirm he was willing to give up his dream of getting married.  That's why in mid February, Y/N found herself shopping in a very expensive jewelry store. She knew Harry liked that place since his 'H' and 'S' rings were from there. They had an amazing section of handmade rings that she spent a long time going through. She wanted to pick the best one she could find.  She found the prettiest, most fine silver ring with a red stone adorning it's top. She knew he would love it. It definitely didn't look like the typical engagement ring, but nothing about Harry was typical. It would match the rest of his rings lovingly, and Y/N knew he would simply love it. Not only because it was a pretty ring, but because it would mean something big for them.  Three days later, Y/N came back from work to find Harry sitting on their living room couch watching the forecast. Why? Who the fuck knows. He never watched cable TV.  Y/N just stood there for a while, just staring at him.  "Hi, love." He greeted her. "Are you alright?" He asked with his eyebrows furrowed. The crease between them made an appearance, even though it was there most of the time.  "Hey." She finally moved, dropped her keys on the little bowl sitting on top of the small table in the hallway. "All good, gonna put some comfy clothes on really quick." She lied. She just couldn't wait any longer. Watching him sit there all frustratingly beautiful doing absolutely nothing was fucking annoying, it was so unfair how beautiful he was. She had an entire evening prepared but she just couldn't wait any longer. She wanted to do it now.  She dropped her purse on their bed and quickly got rid of her shoes, but didn't change into anything comfier. She just grabbed the small black velvet box from her t-shirt drawer and went back to the living room, sliding it in the back pocket of her jeans so he wouldn't be able to see it.  Harry looked at her with a confused look, wondering why she was still in her work clothes walking directly to him when she said she wanted to change.  She sunk to her knees in

between his legs, which only made him even more confused. "You sure you're alright?" Harry gently asked her. She just hummed in response and grabbed the remote sitting on the coffee table (moving as little as possible, she didn't want him seeing the small bump on her jeans because she knew he would ask about it), and turned back around.  She rested her ass on her ankles, and her arms on top of his thighs. "So..." she started.  "So..." Harry repeated, confused.  "I love you, so very much." Y/N started and Harry's breath got caught in his throat. He wasn't expecting this at all. "So much, you don't even understand." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. They haven't told they loved each other in so long, scared of the other not saying it back. God only knows why, because it was clear as water they still loved each other with their whole beings. "And I know we both always wanted different things."  This is it. Harry thought. She's breaking up with me.  "And I know there are some things I believe that you will never understand, and there are some things I- I didn't understand, for a long time." Harry furrowed her eyebrows further at this last part. Now he truly didn't understand what she was trying to say. "For so long I thought I wanted something, you know? Like I was sure I had it all figured out for myself, the life I wanted. But I actually- I was searching for a life that wasn't mine. And I didn't realize that what I already have is everything I could possibly want." Y/N's cheeks were flushed, tears streaming down her face so fast they were drenching his hands that were now pressed against her cheeks, softly caressing them. "I know now, that love is about finding common ground. Meeting each other's needs. And sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to do that. And I came to a conclusion." She swallowed the big lump on her throat, and that finally allowed her to let a long breath leave her chest. "I love you more than anything in this world. I hope you know that, and I know I struggle sometimes with letting you know how much I adore and admire all of you. But I promise to do my best today, and for the rest of my life, to make sure you know how loved you are. How much I'm willing to do for you. And this took me a while to understand, but I do now. I understand why you felt like you needed to take that 'next step' with us. And I understand why it'd make you as happy as you always said. So, it'd make me really happy to ask you to," Y/N reached her pocket and heard him gasp when she pulled the box in front of him, revealing a beautiful ring for him, "marry me." Harry was speechless. Truly, ultimately speechless. Not only was the love of his life asking him to marry her, she was saying she truly wanted this. Harry's gaze kept going from the ring back to her eyes. And after a while of no one saying anything, Y/N cleared her throat. "H," she whispered, "Will you marry me?" She asked, the soft tone on her voice and the question he dreamed so many times asking her knocked him back to life.  "Yes, yes, Y/N, yes- oh Y/N-" he choked a sob, and the biggest smiles appeared on both their faces. Y/N threw herself to him, wrapping her arms around his neck so tightly. He helped her straddle him so he could wrap his own arms around her.  They held each other for a few seconds, both crying the happiest tears they ever let drop, and when she pulled away to put the ring on him, he surprised her by crashing their lips together.  They shared their most passionate kiss in the entirety of their relationship, both still crying, smiling, spilling so much love and adoration with each stroke of their tongues. When he pulled away, she finally placed the box in between them again.  "Can I put it on you? I know you like to wear your 'H' ring on your ring finger, so we could put it somewhere else, you know? And make it our own thing-" Harry interrupted her giving her a soft peck, "or we could-" another kiss, "I don't know." She finally gave in, pressing her lips harder against him.  After another long kiss, he finally told her

where he wanted his ring, and with a last kiss he patted her ass to let her know he needed her to stand up.  "Wait here." He pointed at her, and she sat on the couch with a soft 'okay'.  He returned moments later with his hand behind his back and a lopsided smirk. He sat in the same position she was for her proposal, in between her legs.  Before he said anything, he moved his hands in between them, opening a red velvet box. She gasped like Harry did moments ago when she saw the beautiful ring with a small red stone (yes! Like his own ring) placed on top of a very thin and delicate silver band that was sitting inside the small box.  "It was my grandmother's." Harry said in a quiet tone. "She gave it to me before she passed away a couple months after we met, remember?" She slowly nodded, lifting her gaze to meet his eyes. There was so much love written all over his face. "I told her you were it for me. I knew I wanted this with you ever since we met at our university library. She gave it to me in hopes I could... give it to you some time." He gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I kept it hidden from you all this time. Didn't want you to find it and make everything weird between us. But I'd really love if you could, um... wear it if you want?" He shyly asked.  "It'd be an honor to carry her ring with me, Harry." His face lit up so fast at her response.  "Yeah?" He asked, perplexed.  "Yeah." Y/N replied with a big smile.  "Will you marry me, Y/N?" He asked her this time, and she couldn't help but giggle.  "I asked you first." She pecked his lips. "But yes, Harry. I'll marry you." And she kissed him again, and he couldn't help but smile so widely she ended up with her lips against his teeth.  After putting his grandmother's ring on her, they shared another night of pure, loving sex. None remember how many times they made each other come, but they did have another important conversation between rounds.  "Something else I wanted to tell you..." She said, in between kisses (they loved giving each other soft small pecks all over each other while they were talking). She was straddling him in their bed, his back against the headboard. He didn't want to pull out of her just yet, keeping his cum inside her for as long as possible.  "I know you're ready to have kids, like, right now." She said, and he raised his eyebrows playfully at her. "I can tell by your breeding kink, honestly." He let a loud laugh leave his chest, making her smile too. It was honestly hilarious, I mean, look at their position.  "I decided I really want to have kids with you." He gasped, "But..." he sunk down in his position, a visible pout on his lips, which she kissed away from him. "Promise me you'll wait for me, until I'm in my 30's" He locked eyes with her. She really wanted this. So much.  "Only three more years?!" He asked with so much hope.  "Three more years and we can start trying, I promise. I just thought that- that we could get married now, have some time as a married couple, you know? To enjoy ourselves." She shrugged and he couldn't help but smile widely and her, nodding frantically. "That way we are both adapting to each other, you know? Meet halfway our wants."  "God, I love you so much." He chose to say, instead of replying straight away. "I'll wait a lifetime to have kids with you if that's what you wanted, just please- decide before you reach menopau-" He couldn't even finish his sentence since she shut him up by putting her hand over his mouth.  "Don't even say it. God, I don't wanna be old." She sighed in frustration.  "I honestly can't wait to grow old with you." Harry said with such a loving tone, like an enamored teenager, hugging her closer to him. And she couldn't help but smile back at him. Because even though ageing scares her, she's ready to spend the rest of her life with him.  "I love you, my angel." Y/N told Harry, before kissing his lips, yet again. 

"I love you, my Y/N." Harry whispered to her, keeping her face close to his. 

X

Thank you so much for reading! Have a lovely day <3

-Joey

[tenshindon]

if i think about tien fretting over chiaotzu and yamcha’s safety one more time i think i might explode so For Once i’m writing out my thoughts in the main part of the post :)))) under the cut of course :))))))

We all know that Tien’s concerned over Chiaotzu’s well-being all the time, like that’s a defining part of their relationship. Even when they’re already dead Tien’s still horrified at the prospect of Chiaotzu dying during their spar with Piccolo. However it isn’t until Resurrection F that we’re given a notice that Tien’s concerned over Yamcha as well. Whether this was a development exclusive to Super or it’s just been a background thing that’s only now manifesting in the subtlest of ways, we will never know <3 Either that or my memory of Everything Ever is very hazy <3 however I will talk about it anyways because my brain is decaying as we speak because holy shit 

Like through Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z, we repeatedly see Yamcha extending his heart out to Tien: Yamcha repeatedly pleading with Tien to reconsider learning the mafuba, Yamcha granting Tien reassurance before he goes off to fight Tao and subsequently understanding Tien needs time alone after the fight, Yamcha wishing to stay with Tien and Chiaotzu in the afterlife, and so on. From these instances alone, we know that Yamcha is certainly more open about his affection and care towards his friends (which is a whole post I can make on its own, Yamcha’s incredibly emotionally intelligent and it’s so good).

However this type of care isn’t exactly reciprocated towards Yamcha- or not as obviously, anyways. Which isn’t all too surprising; pardon Chiaotzu and especially by Z, Tien’s very reserved and generally just keeps to himself and Chiaotzu. 

However, as aforementioned, Tien remarks that he left Yamcha and Chiaotzu behind away from the fight. It’s a rather innocuous line when you think of it: on the surface, Tien’s just clarifying- well, he just left Yamcha and Chiaotzu behind because he feels it’s too dangerous for them. But then you have to ask the question: since when did Tien have authority over what Yamcha did? And why was Yamcha so willing to listen? Was Yamcha just not clued in on what was happening and Tien figured he wouldn’t tell him? 

Chiaotzu is understandable; despite Chiaotzu being just five years younger than Tien and thus being in his early 40′s by Super, Tien still treats him like a younger brother and as his guardian. So when he so casually adds Yamcha to this- to just so naturally say “I left Chiaotzu and Yamcha behind. The danger seems too much for them,” it just really makes you think a bit. Because Tien made a conscious decision to leave Yamcha behind for his well-being.

In this instance Tien is putting Yamcha on the same- or at least similar level as Chiaotzu, someone we’re all very well aware that he would literally kill someone for, even if that someone is himself. The meta explanation for this could very well just be Toei didn’t want to bother giving Yamcha and Chiaotzu anything to do during the movie, and since they were already perceived as the weakest among the cast it was much easier to leave them out of it entirely (though that’s a rant for another day). The issue that arises however is that Toei accidentally (or maybe intentionally) adds a layer to Tien and Yamcha’s relationship, or at least shows us that Tien does care about Yamcha’s safety and shows some type of growth to Tien. As I talked about before, Tien is reserved and doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve- so for an action like this to occur on his part, it demonstrates a great leap in his development as a person and opening up.

And the thing about this is that it’s not entirely out of Tien’s character to leave people behind to protect them- it’s completely in character, in a way. During the Saiyan Saga, Tien initially attempts to dissuade Chiaotzu from attending the Saiyan fight, forming a similar excuse as that it would be too dangerous for him. With an instance like this, it shows us that if Tien isn’t confident he can protect Chiaotzu on the battlefield, the most he can do is make sure he’s at home and assuredly safe. He does this again during the Cell Saga by leaving Chiaotzu at Roshi’s abode, once again asserting that it would be too dangerous for Chiaotzu.

During Z Tien doesn’t show this type of concern towards Yamcha, which isn’t wrong or even irrational. Amidst Z, Yamcha was more than capable of taking care of himself and looking after his own back; Tien didn’t reason it would make sense for him to look after him. Not only that, but Tien and Chiaotzu’s relationship is just seemingly more natural to him: he’s known Chiaotzu since he was a child, it makes sense for his care to be more open and at the ready. Tien knows Chiaotzu and his boundaries, and vice versa.

The important thing about Tien though, as I already mentioned right- he’s reserved. Coupled with the fact he was raised by Shen and Tao of all people, it’s probably hard for him to make deep connections with people, let alone traditionally express care. That’s why Chiaotzu is such an anchor for him: he’s really all he has at the end of the day, if not himself. And he’s already demonstrated he’d rather die than live without his brother.

Shifting to Yamcha, it’s... a topic that really should be touched on more. When Yamcha dies during the Saiyan Saga, the anime offers a particular reaction shot on Tien. It’s not much all things considered, but it does allow the viewer to be able to identify that Yamcha’s death had somewhat of a significant impact on Tien specifically, as he’s the only one with an isolated reaction shot (which is especially telling considering Krillin was friends with Yamcha longer and logically would be more devastated and more deserving of a singular shot. He gets this, however by actually checking on Yamcha’s body but I could touch on that whole topic another time). Later on in the Cell saga, Tien is subjected to watching Yamcha die (or be on the precipice of dying) again via Dr. Gero; Tien is the first of the Z Fighters to show up to the scene, thus giving us another Tien-specific reaction shot.

Obviously, Tien’s reactions to Yamcha and Chiaotzu differ severely; we’ve already gone over why Chiaotzu has a greater bond to Tien, and despite the friendship Yamcha and Tien have been able to build over the years it would be near impossible for Yamcha to ever be totally on the same level as Chiaotzu. But at the very least and looking at the Resurrection F dialogue, Yamcha’s deadly experiences have had a lasting impact on Tien.

It wouldn’t be improbable to assume Tien suffered from guilt from Chiaotzu dying during the Saiyan Saga- he even warned Chiaotzu about coming along, so being helpless to protect his brother as he watched him be bashed before he ultimately kills himself could have been certainly traumatizing. Chiaotzu’s death in the Saiyan Saga, in my opinion, is more devastating than his King Piccolo death.

Against King Piccolo Chiaotzu was killed swiftly, and he was at least able to leave a body behind. Of course, there definitely comes feelings of guilt at the fact Tien was the one who instructed Chiaotzu to get into danger in the first place- which is probably why he’s more open to the idea of letting Chiaotzu sit a fight out in the future. During the Saiyan Saga, Chiaotzu is thrashed over and over again and rammed against mountains while Tien is found in a similar position of being physically incapable of protecting him. The whole display definitely lasts much longer than the King Piccolo incident, and it’s far more agonizing as Chiaotzu telepathically communicates with Tien during this. All for it to culminate in Chiaotzu uselessly sacrificing himself, Tien even hallucinating Chiaotzu amidst delirium.

Tien best shows his care through action and protecting those he loves- he’s just incapable of verbally saying he cares and thus best does it through service. For Tien to implicitly order Yamcha to stay away from the fight with Chiaotzu, it shows us that he harbors similar feelings of fear, guilt, and care that he does towards Chiaotzu towards Yamcha as well. Tien does his best to keep Chiaotzu away from fights because he’s afraid of losing him again because he wasn’t strong enough to protect him- it’s a fair-enough bet to wager this fear extends towards losing Yamcha as well.

Which not only makes Tien’s underwhelming reaction to Earth blowing up so fuckinnnn aggravating like oh my god like fucking he actually kept his loved ones behind and they still died can you imagine the fuckin turmoil and angst jesus christ im going insane Also this is why I needed a fucking scene of these three knuckleheads talking about chiaotzu and yamcha staying behind like toei im begging you throw me a bone LMAOOOO

[harrystyleswatermelon-sugar]

Afterparty

“Stop, what are you doing?” I squeal and try to push Harry off of me. I mean really, how old is he? Why is he always trying to mock me until I explode and he has to apologise the next day, after I usually storm out on him.

I just don´t get it, why he always is like this. He does the most stupid and childish things, triggering my anger and annoyment constantly. If it was for Louis, I would get it. He is my best friend since I can think but Harry…I just met him a few years ago and barely saw him after our first meeting. Now, as the boys of One Direction are nearing their hiatus, they were more often in London and so we see each other more often.

I don´t want to complain, I am happy to have my best friend around more often, during their crazy ride in the music industry we barely had the chance to catch up, feeling like everything was happening at once and the five years were over in just a second.

“Harry just for once behave. My god, I thought I was the childish one” Louis sighs as he enters the kitchen. Harry finally let go of me and frowns at his friend. He puts the cream away, he tried to spray in my face for several minutes and walks out on us.

“Thanks Lou. I was literally going to stab him. What the fuck is his problem?” I ask and grab the cream to put it back in the fridge.

“I really have no clue; he is different when he is around you. Maybe he is insecure or he just thinks it´s funny. I don´t know. You ok, though?” he asks and I nod, shooting a fake smile at him. He raises an eyebrow at me, but he understands my silence and doesn´t bother to ask. I am very thankful for his silence and look at him. He looks stressed and tired and as he now ruffles through his hair and leans back on the counter, I watch him concerned.

“You really are taking a break, aren´t you? I don´t want you to continue with music and this shit immediately because you literally look like crap” I ask and he nods in agreement.

“Sure, taking a break was my plan since the hiatus came up. I need to rest a bit and spend time with my loved ones” he explains and I smile sheepishly at him. I know that I am included in the term loved ones.

“Louis, Y/N! Are you ever planning on getting your butts out here again?” Niall shouts from the living room and I roll my eyes at Lou.

“Coming, Ni!” I shout back and grab Lou´s hand. He snakes his arm around my shoulders and presses me against his side, as we walk back in the living room. Liam and Niall are spread on the couch and Harry is sitting on the massive armchair in front of the fireplace. I am happy, they decided to light the fireplace, because it is quiet chilly outside. And I like the crackle and the smell of the fire place. Sadly, I have none in my flat, that would be the best thing ever.

“Finally, if you wanna be all lovey-dovey you should get to Lou´s” Niall says annoyed and presses play on the remote before we even have the chance to take our spots. I decide, because I am still freezing, to sit near the fire on the floor, which was ultimately next to Harry in his armchair.

“You cold? Want a blanket?” he asks me, but I shake my head. I am fine but also a bit irritated because his concern.

“I would prefer it, if Niall would stop making such fucking bullshit comments about Y/N and I. We are friends, nothing more” Lou says and I knew he was going to say something about Niall´s comment. He hates it, when one of the boys says something like that, he was always scared it would affect our friendship in a negative way.

“Oh, give it a rest, Lou. We all know, Y/N would never ever date anyone of us. She knows us way too well, right Y/N?” Niall asks me and I smile at him. He basically is right. I know Louis way too long. He is like my childhood Bestie, he always protected me in school. I had a crush on him, when we met, though, but for him I was always like a younger sister. As if he hadn´t enough sisters. We met in the school choir and then again in the football club in Doncaster and he teased me, a girl would never make a goal when he is the goalkeeper. He pissed me off so bad, I took the challenge and finished him. He was so impressed after that, he invited me over to his parents´ house and we became friends. Just like that. Sure, we had some major fights over time and even didn’t speak to each other for a few months, but it never lasted.

“I would definitely not date Louis. That would be so weird” I answer and Louis nods in agreement.

“Would be disgusting, not that she is not beautiful. The man, who gets to marry her is one of the luckiest ones in the world, but we just know each other too long. Wouldn’t ruin our friendship, also” he agrees and shoots a smile at me. I look over at Niall, mouth full of popcorn, staring at the screen. He is not even listening anymore, so I shrug my shoulders and watch the show, Niall picked for us. It isn´t long after Louis and Liam fall asleep on the couch and I stand up.

“Time for me to head home, guys. Goodnight” I whisper, so I don’t wake up the sleeping beauties. I walk to the front door and put my shoes on.

“Care, if I take you home? Don’t like the feeling of you going all alone by tube at this hour” Harrys asks behind me and I look at him sceptical. He wants to take me home? Since when is he so concerned about my wellbeing?

“I know the way home; I have walked it so many times from here. I´ll be fine. Thanks for the offer” I reject him and grab my coat. He helps me by holding it up, so I can easily slide my arms in the sleeves. As I open the front door, I freeze. Oh no. It is pouring outside and a very cold breeze is hitting my face. I have no umbrella and no hood, nothing. I will be soaked before I have even walked out of the gate.

“Sure, you don´t want to take my offer?” Harry asks again and I look at him again. His green eyes stare into mine and my heart skips a beat. Wait, what? Why is my heart skipping a beat when Harry looks me in the eye?

“I guess I´ll take it then” I answer and he smiles happily, slipping on his boots and grabbing his coat and an umbrella to escort me to his car. As I sit in the passenger’s seat, I look around and scan my surroundings, as I never have been in his car before. It´s all black and very modern. I breathe in, to see, if the car smells new but all I smell is the familiar smell of fire and an expensive after shave or perfume. It smells like Harry. Wait, why do I know how he smells? What kind of freak am I?

Harry gets in the driver´s seat and starts the engine. He smiles and turns down the volume of the radio. As he sits a few seconds, his smell hits me fully. I try not to breathe in too obviously but I really really like his smell.

He drives safely and relaxed and taps his finger on the steering wheel to the beat of the music. He is a musician with his whole heart, even Lou is not as much into music as him. The awkward silence is interrupted by him asking:

“Are you coming to our last performance in a week?” I look at him from the side, seeing the straight line of his nose, his jawline and the light stubble on his cheeks. His long lashes, framing his green eyes. His really beautiful green eyes.

“Yeah, sure. Wouldn’t miss Lou´s last performance with the band. Why you asking? Don’t want me to come?” I return the question and he looks at me, before returning his eyes to the street.

“No, why would you think that? Of course, I want you to come” he sounds a bit offended and I lough dryly.

“Why do I think that? Because you have been nothing but a jerk when I am around” I explain to him and he hits the break, so hard that I am hurled forward into the seatbelt. He parks the car on the side of the street and turns the engine off. We aren’t even near my home. Oh no, what did I just do? I am really not in the mood for a fight with Harry.

“I am sorry, if that is what you think about me. I thought I was being funny around you, I wanted you to like me. I am sorry, I don’t dislike you at all, Y/N” he says and I look at his beautiful face. He is hands down, the most attractive guy, I have ever seen in my life. But I never told Lou about this, I knew he would make fun of me. If he had been nicer to me in the past, I would probably have fallen for him. Very hard. It helped, that he was a jerk.

“Oh…I, well...I don’t know what to say” I stammer and blush. He likes me? He really does? Shit.

“I hope you accept my apology” he says and I nod slowly.

“Y-Yeah, sure. I accept your apology but I would prefer you being yourself around me, not some douchebag I want to kick in his ass” I answer and he smiles, showing me his dimples. For god´s sake, how can a man be so beautiful?

“I think I can manage that. But I have to warn you, I am quite a gentleman if I don’t try to impress a beautiful girl with being funny” he says and winks at me. Holy fuck, he thinks I´m beautiful. The laugh that escapes my lips sounds nervous, I can hear it.

“That’s okay, I think. Gentleman is way better than jerk…so…you actually like me? I am so confused right now” I confess and look down at my nails. Could get a manicure soon.

“Yes, of course. You are so nice and funny to be around, how could I even not like you. This is so weird…you thinking I didn’t like you. It´s so far from the truth” his smile is nearly from ear to ear now. What is he saying? I am absolutely confused and unsure how to react and as he touches my hand with his, I just jump back as far as I can in the car seat. He bites his bottom lip and starts the engine again. Without another word he takes me home safely.

A week later

I spray some of my favourite perfume on my wrist as I finish my look for the night. It is the day of One Directions last performance. I am so happy for the boys, to finally end this. They were so unhappy with their management and when Zayn left, they decided very quick to take a break and let it rest for some years. Of course, their fans were shocked, but I know how hard this decision was for each member of the band. But this time in five years, they all finally thought of themselves first. Their health, their time and their life in the spotlight. They all just want some peace. I sigh and swipe my hands over my dress. It is simple, black, no cleavage or anything. It is like me. Simple and plain.

I get there nearly too late because of the tube. We were stuck in a tunnel for nearly 20 minutes and I just arrive in time to get to my seat next to the boys´ families.

“Hey, good to see you, Y/N” Jo says and hugs me tight. I greet the other Tomlinson´s and take my seat next to a gorgeous blonde woman.

“Gemma, Anne have you met Y/N before? She is Louis´ childhood friend” Jo says to the blonde girl next to me and the woman behind her. They both are gorgeous and smile at me friendly.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I am Harrys mum Anne and this is my daughter Gemma” Anne says and I shake her hand. Gemma looks just like Harry, when she smiles. Same dimples, same smile. Wow.

Finally, the band is announced and when they come on stage, the fans are so loud. I nearly get deaf by the screams. Eventually they get a bit quieter and when they sing their last song, we all stand on our feet, swaying to the words and looking up at them. I think I can say, we are all unbelievably proud of these guys. Maybe, we even cry a bit during their song and I see that Lou is moved as well. He pulls the boys into a tight hug afterwards and smiles and waves at us.

After their appearance we really don’t pay attention, but talk quietly to each other about the boy’s future and a lot more. Anne and Gemma are really nice and I like them very much.

“Are you all going to the after show party?” Gemma asks when we are finally allowed to stand up and walk around. The Fans spot the boys´ family and shout nice things. They wave back at them and I answer her question as the first one.

“I am going for sure” she smiles widely and she looks so much like Harry.

“Great, Mom won´t come so I´m gonna stick with you, if that’s alright?” she asks and I nod. I am happy she will accompany me. I think we go on really well with each other.

We all walk backstage to see, if the boys are ready to leave. It´s a big round of hugs and when I stand in front of my best friend, he smiles so wide, that I laugh at him amused.

“Honey, so glad you are here. Wouldn’t be the same without you” he says and hugs me really tight. I press my body against his, smiling like an idiot.

“I love you, Lou. Wouldn’t have missed it for anything” I say honestly and feel him pressing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

“Leave something of her, for us to hug” Niall says laughing and I hug my favourite Irish Lad.

“Seriously, it was so emotional. I´m so happy for you all” I say and I mean every word. Niall smiles at me and I kiss his cheek soundly. He is sweaty and bright red, but I really don’t care.

“Thanks, Y/N” he says and I hug the next one in line, who happens to be Liam. We smile at each other and I kiss his cheek. We are not as close, as Niall and I but I like him. He is a nice guy and he always makes sure the boys behave properly in the public eye.

“Good to see you, love” Harry says with his deep and raspy voice, as I approach him. I can feel how Louis stares into my back, Harry never ever called me love before.

“Hi, Harry. How are you?” I ask him, as I hug him. His arms are wrapped up all around my body, it´s amazing. I can smell him and he breathes on my shoulder, so I get shivers. As I kiss his cheek, he closes his eyes for a second and I can feel him smiling.

Gemma and I drive together to the venue, where the party will be. As we enter the club, it is already really crowded and I take Gemmas hand, to not lose her. We finally find the boys and sit down next to them. They are talking with some other people and I turn my head, to see if I know someone else here. I see Louis sisters on the dancefloor. We sit there for a bit and try to have a conversation against the loud music until the boys are finished talking and join us. Harry slides in next to me on the bench and I hold my breath, as his thigh and arm touch mine.

“Hey little brother, how about getting the ladies a new drink?” Gemma asks from the right and Harry rolls his eyes at her.

“Yea, I´ll take another one, too” Niall and Lou say and Harry sighs.

“I´m coming with you, to help” I suggest to him and he doesn’t look as annoyed as before. He stands up and holds his hand in my direction, so help me up. I take it in my hand and follow him. As he orders, a man approaches me and looks at me knowingly. What is happening?

“Fancy a drink? You look like you could need one” he says and glides between Harry and me.

“Thanks, no. I´m fine” I answer and smile at him. His hand rests on my hip and I try to take a step back, but it is too crowded.

“Well, maybe you want to join me in my private booth up there. We could have some fun…together” he smiles slimy at me. I shudder in disgust. He is attractive but how fast can someone be unattractive just of their behaviour.

“No, thanks” I answer, no longer smiling. Harry, who was in a discussion with the barkeeper finally turns in my direction and looks confused at where I was standing before.

“Come on, this dress would be very nice on the floor of this club…I´ll pay all your drinks if you join me” he mumbles and comes closer. I try to push him away from me, as I meet Harrys eyes. He has this little wrinkle on his forehead, that usually pops up, when he thinks or is angry, and combs his long locks with his hand.

“Under no circumstances” I scowl and feel, how he presses his body onto mine. I shudder and pull at his hands on my back, very near my ass.

“Hey, you touching my girl?” Harry says and his voice is deep and more like an angry growl. His girl? The man turns around and is met by Harrys glowing eyes. Harry is nearly a head taller than him and stares him down. He immediately puts his hands up and apologizes to Harry.

“Sorry, mate. Didn’t know she was taken. No offense, sorry” he says and I let my breath out.

“How about apologizing to the lady, you harassed?” Harry asks and the guy stammers an apology, before he takes off into the crowd.

“Thank you” I say from the bottom of my heart. The barkeeper puts the first drinks on the bar and I slide a bit closer to Harry. Just in case.

“Sorry guys, I need to get a new bottle of Gin. Be right back” the barkeeper says and disappears. I am pushed from some ladies behind me and stumble against Harrys arm.

“Sorry, I was pushed” I say and shoot him an apologetic look. He just smiles and pulls me right in front of him. I am now encircled by him and the bar. I smell his cologne and the fire from his home and look up at his face. His piercing eyes wander over my face and I can´t hold it back.

“Your girl, huh?” I ask and a smile darts over his lips. I shake my head and can´t look away from him.

“Had to say something, was the best that came to my mind” he answers and shrugs his shoulders. He has left is jacket at the table and I can now see the tattoos on his toned chest, as his black blouse is opened quite a bit.

“What is this that, by the way?” I ask and touch his thigh in this bright red suit pants with an all-over flower print.

“You don’t like it? I think it´s great” he answers and shows me his thigh. I laugh and shake my head.

“Well it will definitely be remembered. Flower boy” he laughs and I hear the barkeeper say:

“Here you go” Harry grabs some of the drinks and winks at me. I follow him with the other drinks and hand them to Gemma, Lou and Liam. Harry has mine and gives it to me. We salute each other to the hiatus and a lot of free time.

Later that night, I am just a little bit tipsy, instead of Louis who already went home two hours ago, I find myself outside the venue to catch a bit of fresh air. Unbelievable how fast the last five years have passed. I am thinking of leaving soon as well, because it is really tiring to be with so many people. I danced with literally everyone in this club and my feet really hurt. I sigh and see the white cloud forming from my breath.

“Cold, huh?” I hear a familiar voice and turn around to face Harry. He´s wearing his flower suit jacket and smirks at me.

“Leaving already?” I ask him and he shakes his head.

“No, I was looking for you” he answers and I turn a light shade of red.

“You getting now overprotective since we spoke last week?” I smile and he sighs.

“Told you, I´m a gentleman” he says and I nod. He is right, he definitely behaved this night like a gentleman and if he keeps being so nice to me…I will be head over heels for him in no time. Oh god, this is going to be really hard.

“What are you staring at?” he asks and touches his face confused. I shake my head and press my lips together. I am really cold, considering I have no jacket.

“Nothing. I´m going to grab my things, I guess” I say and move past him. He follows me back inside and in the little corridor he grabs my hand. I look at him confused, as I look into his green eyes.

“Come with me, Y/N” he says very simply and I am even more confused.

“With you? Where? Why?” I ask and watch how his hand entwines our fingers. What the fuck is happening?

“Just with me, because…I have absolutely fallen for you” he says and I open my mouth in shock. What? Harry Styles is in love with me? How? I mean…what? My brain is sending error signals and I can´t even form a normal word.

“Please say something” he begs me and comes closer. His eyes seem insecure and scared.

“I don’t know what…I´m…I…” I stammer very intelligent and he laughs quietly.

“I am in love with you, Y/N. Do you feel the same? Can you love me?” he asks and I think about his words. I am not yet in love with him, but I have a crush on him, definitely. If I can love him in the future…guess we will see. I smile at him and nod.

“I think that could happen, yes” I answer and he beams happily at me, cupping my cheek with his warm and soft hand. He leans in and as his soft lips touch mine, I know this will be a tough but great journey. Being with Harry. It is a soft and tender kiss, completely different as what I expected from a Rockstar but afterwards, he smiles and leans his forehead on mine.

“Shall we?” he whispers and his eyes sparkle happily. I swear, I have never seen such mesmerizing green eyes.

“We shall” I answer and smile back, as we finally leave the venue, hand in hand.

  _____________________________________

So, this is my first one on here, I hope you like it and don´t be too harsh on me. Feedback is gladly appreciated!

Love, xx

[myhauntedsalem]

10 Terrifying True Ouija Board Stories

1. Ask Zander

Oh Lord. I was about twelve when a friend and I were playing Ask Zandar (a board game with an electronic wizard that makes sounds and talks) when the batteries died. I tried to find replacements but with no luck.

So my amazing friend says “hey that Ouija board could be fun! Let us play and become possessed by demonic entities for all time”…or something along those lines.

We’re going along and asking questions, pushing the little eye around and having a grand old time. Until I say “if something is there, prove yourself”. THE MOTHERFUCKING NO BATTERY ASK ZANDAR WIZARD SAYS “Dun dun dun, you win!”. I flipped that board, tossed it in the trash, and absolutely refuse to have one in my house again.

2. Obviously Possessed

We were goofing off in a neighbor’s house playing with the Ouija board, and we asked a “demon” to talk to us (shut up, I know.) Five minutes into our “conversation”, the girl next to me vomited then fell off her stool and bashed her head on the counter. We called her mom and she took her to the doctor. She came to school the next day (with a huge knot and bruise on her head) and said the doctor said he didn’t know what caused it but she was fine, although she said she still felt a little funny. It was most likely unrelated, but I haven’t touched a Ouija board since, nor have I hung out with that girl since she is obviously possessed by a demon.

3. Night Time Visitor

The night we played, something came through and was calling me horrible names – I thought it was my friend doing it so I made my younger brother try it with me and it was most def not her, my brother was 7 and didn’t know about those words or how to spell them. I asked it to do something to prove it was real and nothing happened… fast forward to next morning, we were all sitting in the family room, watching TV when our fireplace (which we were not using), literally exploded into flames. We were all freaked out and swore we’d never use the Ouija again but, it didn’t matter, the door was opened.

After that, I had many episodes of sleep paralysis, things in my room would move on their own, something would come in my room and sit on my bed while I slept, I could feel it and see the depression in the bed.

4. The Gun Shot

Yeah. Went to this house that burned down with a whole family inside with 2 of my friends at 1 am. It was a still night, no wind or anything. We were in my truck doing the Ouija and it started to get mean, so we stopped, then it sounded like someone shot a large gun outside the truck window, and it felt like a huge gust of wind blew over us because the truck rocked, and then we all started freaking out. I tried to start the truck, and it wouldn’t go.

Then, we did it again at a friend’s house, one of the 2 people there with me the first time, and we were in the basement. Shit started getting weird again so we went to turn the lights on, and they wouldn’t turn on, and the basement door locked. None of us ever did it again.

I don’t even believe in that kind of stuff, but it was really creepy.

5. KILL!

I’ll never forget. I was 13 and my three friends and I wanted to try the Ouija board. It was the middle of the day, so we went into my friend’s walk-in closet where it was dark and we brought flashlights. We were just playing around. Eventually this “spirit” named Michael came on and we starting talking to it. Of course each of us starts joking that someone is making it move. But the more we started talking to Michael, the more it was apparent that none of us were pushing the navigator around. It was really creepy, but fascinating, too. One of my friends asked the spirit where it was in the present moment. It started to spell C-L-O-S when one friend hit the navigator off the board, started freaking out and screamed, “Closet! He was spelling closet!!” We were spooked, but in a fun way. The friend who freaked out wanted to stop, but we insisted that we keep on talking to Michael as we at least had to say goodbye and close out the session. We got the navigator back on the board and said we were sorry for interrupting him. He was not happy. He said to not do it again. Then for some stupid reason I asked Michael what was he going to do in the closet with us. It started to spell K-I-L and then the same friend threw the navigator off the board again and started screaming, “KILL! He’s going to kill us!!” and ran out of the closet. We all got really freaked out and ran out too. We didn’t close out the session so there was an argument between those of us who felt we needed to go back in and say goodbye so Michael would be sent away, and those of us who refused to ever touch the Ouija board again. We ended up not going back in and I had nightmares about Michael following me around and wanting me dead.

6. Look In The Shower

In seventh grade, my friends and I went over to “Mary’s” house intent on playing with her mom’s Ouija board that night. None of us had played with one before. Mary’s mom was an extremely spiritual person who believed in energies, witchcraft, stuff like that. Before we used the board, Mary warned us that her mom would be really pissed if she found out that we were playing with it because Ouija boards can attract bad spirits into the home. With full knowledge of this, we decided to proceed anyway. This Ouija board was not like the average Ouija board you had ever seen. Along with the usual characteristics (the alphabet, “yes”, “no”, “goodbye”), there was an entire array of symbols and signs that were all arranged in a circle. This was some seriously intricate stuff.

We started just goofing around and “communicating” with random spirits here and there until we finally met one that had us in tears the entire sleepless night. First, we asked the spirit if it was a man or a woman, to which he replied “M-A-N”. Then we asked how he was killed: “M-U-R-D-E-R”. That freaked us out only a little bit but we were mostly excited. All of a sudden, before we even asked another question, the glass goes to the eyeball symbol, then spells out “I-N”, and goes to the water symbol. We didn’t have a clue what that meant. It wasn’t too scary until the spirit spelled out “S-H-O-W-E-R” and my best friend realized that the spirit was trying to get us to look into the shower.

We froze.

I’ve never been so scared in my entire life, especially sitting directly in front of the bathroom with the shower curtain all the way closed, faced in my direction. We all screamed and promised on our friendships that we had not moved it ourselves (very important promise). I felt like I was being watched and my friends thought so too. It was only 4 of us and I believe with all my heart that none of them had moved it because we were all too nervous to do anything.

I’ll never use a Ouija board again because of how crazy and intense that night was. I understand that people say Ouija boards are controlled by your subconscious but f**k that. I know I felt something in that room with us. I know it was dangerous.

7. Get The Boy!

My friend had mentioned that she had one, so I asked her to pull the board out so I could check it out. At first she said no, but then agreed to do it as long as she didn’t have to participate. After she had the board set up I asked “Is there anyone in here”…. Nothing. So, being a dumb teenager I said “If anything is in here and not talking, you’re a coward”. The board was put away after that.

Fast forward about a week later and have me sleeping upstairs on my couch. I wake up on a stereotypical “Stormy Night”. Thunder and lightning, wind and rain..the works. I look around to see why I woke up and couldn’t see a thing, and decide to try and fall back asleep. After laying there for about 30s I hear from downstairs “Get the boy” in a very raspy, wispy voice. I open my eyes and listen… Nothing. Start to go back to sleep…”GET THE BOY”, it was MUCH louder this time. Then my downstairs door SLAMS shut. I freak the F*ck out because nobody slept down there and we had no drafts.

Nothing really happened after that… I learned my lesson.

8. Are You For Real?

A lady I worked with brought one in to play around with one day. We messed with it and didn’t really think it was doing anything weird or moving on its own. So my coworker goes to lunch and leaves me all alone at the store. I didn’t have any customers so I went to the back where the board was. I put just my index finger on it very lightly and said, “are you for real?” That thing moved straight up to yes on its own! I ran out of the back room freaking out. Never touched one since.

9. Answers

A few friends and I mucked around with ouija boards a lot as teenagers. It had always been harmless fun. One night we were “speaking” with a young boy called Niall who had told us he had been murdered by his father. We “spoke” with him for a while and then got bored of the conversation, “left”, and eventually tried again. We started to speak with someone we assumed was an elderly lady, when actually it turned out it was Niall again. Someone must have asked “what do you want?” because the ouija pointer spelt out “Satisfy my requests” and then continuously spelt “answers” over and over again until we freaked out and just abandoned everything: the board, the house, the street.

I have never touched a Ouija board since. Early last year, a few of us got together again (having all gone our separate ways since high school) and we brought that night up – and everyone swore again that they hadn’t moved anything on purpose that night. Of course, someone could still be lying, or we could have inadvertently been moving the pointer without realizing, but just remembering the force of the pointer moving so rapidly – and what it spelt out – freaked me out enough not to want to mess with it again… just in case.

10. The Eagle

One of my best experiences involved talking with a spirit of air, which happened back when I believed only in the mental aspect of magic, and thought that the ‘spirits’ I was talking to were were just parts of my psyche. To test this I asked the spirit to show some kind of sign of its existence, which I did not expect to manifest. When I asked this a huge eagle (birds being part of an air spirit’s domain) landed right outside my window, stared at me, like, really stared into my eyes, looked down at the board and flew away. Maybe it was coincidence, but I closed down the communication, did a Rose Cross Banishing ritual and noped the fuck away from magic for a while. Good Times.

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Hi! Do you mind writing a bellamy x reader based on the promts 21, 20 and 5? Thank you!

20. “I’m going to marry you someday.”

21. “I think you have a secret admirer.”

25. “Haha you said you loved me.” “We’re married you idiot.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

For some reason, everyone on the ark went crazy for Valentine’s Day, the loving holiday that didn’t die with the earth. It was the same for you, the day had always held a special place in your heart, even more so 5 years ago when Bellamy asked you out during the Valentine’s Day dance.

Right now, you were at said dance, looking around for him. Knowing he was most likely on guard duty, you decided to wait around, getting a drink and just enjoying the party. You couldn’t help but think back to the Valentine’s day that started this all.

Being 18 in the ark wasn’t a good thing when it came to being arrested, but when it came to partying? That’s where all the fun came in. After all the under 18’s left, the actual alcohol came out, the music was turned up and you spent the time jumping around with your best friend Gina. You were currently dancing, more like jumping up and down repeatedly, before Gina grabbed your arm, getting your attention.

“I was dancing!” you complained, fairly close to her ear so she could actually hear you. She thrusted a folded piece of paper in your hand, making you raise a brow at her. “What’s this?”

“I think you have a secret admirer.” She told you as your jaw dropped.

You? A secret admirer?

You opened up the paper slowly, taking glances at Gina until the paper was finally readable.

‘I haven’t been able to look away from you all night, but I’m not complaining. You’re so perfect Y/N that I’d never want to look away.’

You read it out loud to her, Gina squealing as she grabbed your arm. You watched her with amusement as she grinned at you. “Someone has a crush on you!” she shouted, making you laugh.

“Yeah but who?” you pointed out as she stopped jumping, looking around the room eagerly. “Wait, G who gave this to you?” She was still looking around the room before stopping on a tall guard, one with sleeked back, black hair who made your heart speed up.

You laughed to yourself softly, meeting the eyes of your secret admirer before making your way over him. “You know, friendships don’t last long when someone keeps secrets, Mr. Blake.” You joked, crossing your arms in front of your chest with a smirk.

Bellamy just nodded, an actual nervous look on his face as he stared into your eyes and you his, his deep brown eyes, a pair that had you falling for years. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you.” He admitted.

“Can I tell you a secret too?” Rubbing the back of your neck, you looked down towards the floor, trying to get the words out. “When Gina handed the letter, I really hoped it was from you.”

Bellamy was taken back from your words, his crush liked him back. “Well then, what would you say about a date sometime? Maybe dinner, then back to mine. I’ll let you teach me how to braid O’s hair.”

You fake gasped, bringing a hand up to your chest. “Really? You’ll actually let me teach you?” you reached forward, grabbing Bellamy’s hand as he tilted his head and you thought he was hesitating.

“Did you miss the part where I asked you on a date?” He teased as you squeezed his hand, letting them rest in the middle of you both.

“Well, I thought it was implied.” You shrugged before taking a deep breath, coming closer to him and kissed him. Bellamy thought his heart was to explode right there when you went in for another and he ran his tongue across your lips.

The kiss didn’t last much longer before some other guard came along, relieving Bellamy from his post. He thanked him, leading you by the hand to the dance floor where you both danced the rest of the night away.

When the dance was over, you were exhausted, hanging onto Bellamy just to keep yourself on your feet. Bellamy kept taking glances down at you, finding the tiredness only making you look stunning. He swept you of your feet, bridal carrying you down the halls to your compartment.

Your mom answered the door, swooning at the sight before her as she moved to the side, letting Bellamy into your room. He thanked her before carefully putting you down on the bed he knew to be yours.

You mumbled his name in your drowsiness, making his heart skip a beat. “Shhh.” He whispered, pushing a fallen strand of your hair behind your ear. “Go to sleep Y/N. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You curled up into your pillow, feeling Bellamy pull your blanket up to your chin, effectively tucking you in. He stayed for a few lingering seconds, watching as you fell asleep before he smiled. “I’m gonna marry you someday.”

You smiled at the memory, feeling a pair of strong arms wrapping around your waist from behind. You didn’t need to turn around to know it was Bellamy as you looked up at him. “I thought you were working.” You told him, spinning in his arms to face him and rest your head on his chest.

“I was, then I saw you and someone offered to cover.” You hummed as you both began to sway softly to the slow song playing throughout the room. “What were you thinking of earlier?” You smiled at him, bringing a hand up to run through his now longer hair, still gelled back for his uniform.

“You. Us. That day you finally asked me out.” you told him as he chuckled, that damn sound that made your stomach erupt with butterflies.

“Right, that day. It felt like so long ago, I remember going back to my room that night and Octavia demanding I told her every little detail from the moment I wrote the note to the moment I got back.”

You could listen to Bellamy talk about his relationship with his sister all day. That caring part of him was one of the main reasons you fell for him.

“I still can’t believe you sent me a note.”

“It seemed like the best way to get your attention.” He defended, putting his hands on your waist. You threw your head back in a laugh, letting your thumb trace his jaw line gently, the light stubble he had rubbing against your fingers.

“I love you Bell.” You told him before his lips upturned into a stupid smile.

“Haha, you said you loved me.”

You stared at him, bringing your hand up in between his face and yours. “We’re married you idiot.” You deadpanned. Bellamy just chuckled, threading his hand with yours as he looked at the wedding band sitting on your finger. He couldn’t believe five years later that he would actually be standing here and married to the love of his life.

“Well then.” He smirked, leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “Lucky me.”

A/N: Hi... that’s all. 😊

~Master List~

~The 100 Master~

*Not My Gif*

Permanent: @literal-fand0m-trash @just4muggles @saturn-aka-six @nathaliabakes @whyamihere-bro @colored-confetti @wiseeggspickleslime @btsiguess-kpop @galacticstxrdust @independentgirl @wellhellotherelovey @hollymac79 @delicately-important-trash @emcchi @rauwz @herondalescecilys

Bellamy: @jodiereedus22 @nyxxxwtp @danielabetancourth

[krismusings]

Discord thread featuring: roman & @davieslandon

Mentions: @lorencourtier, @aaronhart93

When: July 1st, after Ro and Aaron decide to break up.

Where: Theater basement apartment

Triggers: feels, smut, and the fact that this took so long to finish we are SORRY

Description: Roman and Landon are both pretty broken hearted after their breakups, and decide to get drunk off their ass and have sex. No one is surprised.

LANDON

Landon wasn’t sure how he could go from feeling hopeful about the future and feeling like life was being kind to him again only for it to change to the complete opposite in less than a day. Now he was crushed, hurt and in need of someone who was always there for him, even if maybe they weren’t on the greatest of terms right now. He texted Roman because he really wanted to know how he was doing and when he said he and Aaron broke up, Landon couldn’t help but think that they were pretty much in the same boat. So offering to go over made sense and he soon found himself in his car, making his way to the theater. He tried not to think of all the times he’d been here, watching both Roman and Loren rehearse. The thought was too painful right now. “Knock, knock”, he said once he got to the basement apartment. If they weren’t both so miserable he would have laughed when he caught sight of Roman. They made quite a sight for sore eyes with their messy hair and red eyes from crying.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman took off up the stairs to the side of the basement apartment, thankful for the entrance on the outside when he answered the door. They both looked rough as hell, but at the same time, Ro didn’t think Landon ever looked bad. He looked cuddly, and also...sad. What had happened?? “Hey...” Roman rasped, pulling his friend in for a hug as he rubbed his back, taking in his scent before ducking his head to gesture him to follow inside. “What happened?” He asked sympathetically as soon as they were situated on the couch.

LANDON

Landon couldn’t believe he’d gone so long without getting one of Roman’s hugs and, it could be because of all the shit that happened in the last day or so, but he was questioning whether it was ever worth it. After all they were always saying how they were friends first and...anything else, later. He hugged the other back tightly and managed to hold back his tears. Somehow he even managed to come up with a little smile. In a way he didn’t even want to talk about what happened because saying it out loud would mean acknowledging the fact that another one of his relationships failed miserably but he knew couldn’t lie to Roman. “I guess you and Aaron weren’t the only ones to break up.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman looked hurt in Landon’s favor when he answered the question, broad shoulders sinking before he was reaching for the smaller’s hand. He squeezed it, not saying anything for a moment, because what could he say? Fuck. He hated this for Landon, especially since he was the one to kind of suggest he and Loren give things a shot anyway. “Shit. What happened?” Maybe Landon didn’t wanna talk about it, and he should just shut up, but be couldn’t help but be concerned. “Or — we don’t have to talk about it. Want a drink? A smoke?” He threw out suggestions while squeezing the other’s hand.

LANDON

What happened? That was the million dollar question because the truth was, he wasn’t sure what happened. Landon thought they were doing fine. They got the chance to talk so much at Avery and Monroe’s wedding and he was getting closer and closer to saying those three words out loud that he was always so terrified of saying. And maybe he should have. “Well...apparently I don’t really love him, or not enough at least, so it’s better if we stop this before it can go any further. Or at least that’s what I was told”, he shrugged. “Yeah, I need a smoke really bad.” Landon didn’t want to make this about him though because he knew Roman was also hurting. “I’m sorry about you and Aaron.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman could feel himself start to get a little annoyed as Landon answered his question. He kind of wanted to punch Loren in the face. He’d already given the actor a talk, threatening him about hurting Landon, because this wasn’t just anyone to Roman. Still, he wasn’t going to actually be violent....even though he REALLY wanted to. “I’m so sorry...I’m — I don’t even know what to say to that.” He sighed, squeezing the smaller’s hand one more time before he was leaning over to grab them a joint, lighting up prior to handing it over to Landon, smoke blowing out slowly past his own lips. “Eh.” He shook his head, tending his jaw as he looked down at the floor. “I’m sure there’s a part of you that’s happy about it.” Ro smirked to himself.

LANDON

“It’s okay. I guess it was pretty stupid of me to think it was going to last.” Relationships never did for him and his marriage that barely lasted a year was proof enough of that. He shouldn’t have even tried in the first place. Was Roman wrong? Not really. There was a part of Landon that was happy about their breakup but he kind of hated himself for it. “I’m not happy that it makes you sad”, he settled on. And he wasn’t. Anything that made Roman sad wasn’t okay I’m his books, even if it was something that he might have been hoping for, in a way. Then again, with how things were going recently, he doubted their breakup would last.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman’s brows knitted together when Landon said it was stupid of him to think it was gonna last, straightening his back, because he didn’t like when Landon said shit like that. He was a catch, and anyone would be lucky to lock him down. Loren was an idiot. “I wish y’wouldn’t say rubbish like that.” He muttered, playing with the rings on his fingers while the smaller stated that he wasn’t happy that this made him sad. “It does make me sad, but...it is what it is, I guess. I jus’ — it’s hard to enjoy it when no one else is happy about it.” He admitted, and then turned to look over at his ex. “I hate hurting people. I’m an empath, and it fucking sucks.”

LANDON

“It’s not rubbish when it’s true”, he snapped, but quickly regretted it, rubbing his face. “I’m sorry, I’m not angry at you. It’s just hard not to think like that when everything proves it. You and I didn’t last, we all know how things ended between Harry and I...and now Loren. I’ll be honest though even I was shocked by how quickly I managed to fuck that up.” Landon laughed but it didn’t sound humorous at all. He knew that he was one of the people being referred to as those who weren’t happy about it and it made him feel like shit to know that he had a part to play in Roman’s unhappiness. “I’m sorry if it happened because of...our last conversation. I knew after it happened that I shouldn’t have said it but you know I could never lie to you.” As far as apologies go, it sucked, but sit was the best Landon could do at the moment. “I know you are and sometimes I wish you weren’t because it means you get hurt so easily but it’s what makes Roman...Roman, you know what I mean?” He really was talking some shit today. He took another drag of the joint and held it in until his lungs literally felt like they were about to explode before blowing it out.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman pressed his lips together when Landon snapped at him, choosing not to say anything, because he knew the smaller was on edge. He didn’t consider himself a punching bag, nor did he think that Landon was trying to use him as one. Roman just knew his best friend, and would be whatever he needed him to be right now. He just shook his head when Landon continued to speak, not wanting him to feel like this was his fault. It wasn’t only his ex-boyfriend that was not a fan of this union. They had had several issues from everyone close to them, and it was just getting to be too much. He managed to glance over at the smaller when Landon talked about empathy being a part of who Roman was. It was true, without his heart, he wouldn’t be himself, but still. It caused a whole other can of issues, and he hated that so many people had to be taken down in the process. “I do.” He rasped, and then moved his tongue out to wet his lips. “I love you, Landon. I’m so sorry you’re hurting as well.”

LANDON

Landon need to get a hold of himself because snapping at people who were only trying to help was only going to make him feel worse. The last thing he wanted was for Roman to turn against him and even though, realistically, he knew the chances of that were slim, he was vulnerable enough to consider it a possibility. Landon knew, from the little he talked to others, that he wasn’t the only one hurt from Aaron and Roman being together. Maybe he was the only one to be hurting over feeling betrayed by two of the most important people in his life but he also knew that people like Eden, Alison, Jaycee...they were probably hurting as well. At this point, Roman was the only one he believed when he said he loved him and only because after twenty five years of meaningful friendship, it was hard to believe otherwise even for him. And maybe that’s what finally broke the hard exterior he was trying to show. Just having someone love him and him actually believe it. And so he cried. “S-sorry, sorry.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

When Landon started crying, Roman panicked. He just...the other male was always so strong, and trying to be the level head in most situations. It had been so long since he’d seen the man actively crying, so all he could think to do was grab him, and pull him into his lap. Roman wrapped his arms around the smaller, and just held him, letting him cry with no expectations for him to stop. Landon didn’t need to be forgiven, there was nothing to be sorry about. He’d been through so much, and needed to just let it out, and Roman was right here to pick up the pieces.

LANDON

Being held like this, no words needing to be said, only made him cry harder and he just pressed his face into Roman’s neck, almost as if trying to hide from the world. He was so done. What was it about him that made the world think he didn’t deserve happiness? It wasn’t until he was really crying that he realised how desperately he’d needed to let it all out. Because this wasn’t just about his breakup with Loren, even though that sucked. No, this was about everything he’d gone through and always refused to cry about for fear it would make him look weak. This was about his breakup with Roman, the accident, the divorce. And so it wasn’t surprising that it took him a while to calm down but when he did he was glad Roman was right there, still holding him. “Thanks. I’m...not sure where that came from”, he rasped, voice gone completely to hell from his crying session.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman looked at the smaller with concern when he pulled back, but there was also a level of understanding there. He’d had his own breakdowns over the past few months, coming out of absolutely nowhere, or so it seemed. “Yeah, you do.” He corrected the other, because they both knew that this was a result of holding back for too long, and it was finally time for everything to surface for some closure. “You don’t ever need to thank me for letting out how you feel, Landon. Okay? We’ve been through so fucking much together, if we can’t be ourselves with eachother, then who can we be ourselves with?”

LANDON

“Yeah, I guess I do”, he shrugged. This was probably a long time coming and he kept pushing it further back until he just couldn’t anymore and it all came out in one giant burst. In a way, it almost felt good to let it out even though now he felt even more exhausted than he had walking in. Maybe it was the first step to healing. Or maybe he was just fooling himself into believing that. Roman was right once again. Who could they trust to see them like this, if not each other? Landon was still embarrassed to have broken down so completely in front of someone else because it wasn’t something he was used to doing but he was grateful that at least it was Roman and knew he couldn’t be safer. “You’re right but I feel bad because I know you’re sad too and I just...I don’t know. Everything’s one big mess and I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

“Hey, we can just be sad, pathetic losers together.” Roman joked, trying to make the man feel better, or smile at the very least. He knew he was ridiculous, but whatever. Landon knew better than to think they were going to continue on being this serious. “What you’ll do, is continue working, and being amazing at what you do. You’re going to be a brilliant father, and focus on your daughter.” Roman informed his friend, pulling back so he could see him better, Ro’s famous little double chin making an appearance. Awww. “We’re both going to focus on ourselves, like we should be. Romance will come when it’s time.”

LANDON

Landon let out a little wet chuckle and nodded. They really were being sad, pathetic losers but their lives were both messy right now and they were going through a breakup so he figured it was more than understandable. The thought of Elle did make him feel a little better because she was the most important person in his life and he was going to do his very utmost to give her the very best because she didn’t deserve any less. At least, they hadn’t gotten to the point where he introduced Loren and her yet, otherwise this would have been an even bigger disaster. Roman was right, they needed to focus on them because it was clear they both needed it. “I think I can officially say that romance is dead for me”, he shook his head. “I gave it a few tries, it didn’t work so now I’m done.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman actually chuckled at his friend when he made that comment, even though Landon was being completely serious. “And you say I’M dramatic.” He mused, laughing as he looked up at his friend, both dimples deep in his cheeks. He was high, and still a bit drunk from earlier. But. Landon was so beautiful, even after all his crying, and he couldn’t help but feel connected to him right now more than ever. Why? Maybe because they were at the same spot, both emotionally tumoiled, and depending on eachother to be completely vulnerable. It opened to door to a lot of other feelings. Ro just let his eyes search Landon’s, waiting for him to speak next.

LANDON

Landon usually wasn’t the kind of person to talk like this and Roman probably thought he was joining, so he let him. But he wasn’t. How much heartbreak could a person take before they figured out relationships just weren’t for them? Apparently for Landon it was three failed relationships. “Maybe you rubbed off on me so now I’m dramatic too”, he teased, already knowing what Roman would say if he knew what he was really thinking. For a few seconds it was just them, looking at each other in silence. Until Landon broke it. “You’re beautiful you know.” He didn’t even regret saying it. How could he when they were both being so vulnerable and open with each other?

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman didn’t know what he expected Landon to say, but it wasn’t that. He looked at the smaller for a moment longer before he wa smirking, obviously blushing a bit at the compliment. Still, after all this time, Ro still felt like that little boy with a crush on the boy with bright blue eyes. His first love. His first everything. He had so much love for others, but he’d never be able to feel what he felt for this man. It was simply out of his hands, impossible. “Thank you. I was jus’ thinking the same thing about you...”

LANDON

Knowing that after all these years a compliment from him could still make Roman blush never failed to give Landon a rush. How could it not when no one in his life had ever come as close to what he felt for his childhood friend? It was close a close call of course, like with Harry. He wouldn’t have gotten married if he didn’t, but twenty five years of friendship were hard to beat, even if they weren’t together for all of them. Landon wouldn’t even be in New York anymore if it wasn’t for Roman, he would be living with his mum in London. “You were?” It surprised him, even though it really shouldn’t have.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

“Well yeah.” Roman replied, sounding as if Landon was a little loopy for even asking. He always thought the smaller was beautiful. How couldn’t he? Everyone else thought so as well. Which was just...great. “I’m always thinking that.” He shrugged, still sounding like he was saying something that was a known fact. To Roman, it was. It was such a constant, that it was almost preposterous to hear Landon sound so surprised by it. If he only knew how others perceived him.

LANDON

Landon huffed out a laugh when he heard Roman’s tone of disbelief. He wasn’t a confident person. Sure, he’d been told he was beautiful and not just by Roman but hearing it and believing it were very two different things. And Roman was such a force of nature in everything he did. The way he dressed, the way he behaved, his posture. Landon never felt like he could compare, even when they were a couple. But it was good to hear that it was still the same for the other boy, even after not talking for so long, longer than they’d ever gone without talking. And so he felt it was only natural to offer what he’d been thinking about since Roman told him he was living at the theater. “Come stay over at mine.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman let out a sigh when Landon once again offered for him to stay at his place. For a moment, he considered it, but he could only imagine the complications that might come with that arrangement. “I dunno...” he started, worrying his bottom lip between perfectly straight, white teeth. He wanted to say yes. “Drink with me first.” Ro countered with a small smirk. He felt like being reckless, so why not do so with his best mate?

LANDON

Landon rolled his eyes but he wasn’t about to say no to drinking, especially not today of all days. Maybe a drink was just what he needed to forget about everything that happened in the last few days, even if just for a few hours. A blank slate. “Sure, I’ll drink with you. Although I’m probably not going to be able to drive myself back after.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

“I know.” Roman smiled wide at his friend, because he was a little shit. “You can stay here, with me.” It was a pretty nice apartment after all, so why not? It was seperate from the theater, and no one was allowed down here without Roman there to unlock it. So. They could spend the night here together, and not care how complicated that may be. “I...feel the need to warn you though, I only have tequila...” tequila made them both horny, and that was a well known fact between them.

LANDON

Landon knew the effects that tequila tended to have on him, that’s one of the reasons why it was his favourite drink after all. But it’s not like he couldn’t handle his alcohol and a few drinks couldn’t do much harm. They would just have a drink or two and then get done rest since they’d both had a tiring few hours. No harm in that. Everything would be just fine.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Okay so, an hour later, several shots and joints down, and Roman was...gone. This was supposed to just be a few drinks, time with his best friend, and attempting to keep control of himself. Ha. Why...why would he ever expect that to happen? “Wow...” he giggled, leaning his head back on the couch as he arched his back, and moaned for NO reason. “I feel good.” Ro moaned. Again. Christ on a fucking cracker.

LANDON

Landon was an idiot for thinking that they could have a drink or two and o to sleep. How stupid could he be?? It was him and Roman, they were never going to be able to do that and obviously they weren’t happy until there wasn’t another drop in the bottle and they’d gone through more joints than he could keep up with in his state. He knew things were going to go downhill when Roman literally moaned and Landon felt himself getting hard. Oh shit. “Yeah? So do I.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro lulled his head to the side so he could look at Landon when he said he felt good as well. His eyes dropped to the smaller’s crotch, noticing that he was getting excited, which only made Roman get excited, and well...here we go. “I see that.” He giggled, turning so that he could be facing Landon a bit better, cheeks flushed from both the alcohol, and his fucking hormones. “Do I turn you on, Landon?” He asked in his signature deep voice, like honey on a warm spring day. He knew what it did to the smaller, and maybe he wanted to take advantage of that.

LANDON

Landon almost used one of the cushions on the couch to cover his crotch but Roman had seen it already so what was the point? And when his ex used that voice, he knew he stood no chance. “You’re not playing fair Ro”, he whined, directing one of his infamous pouts at his ex. “Don’t start things you have no intention of seeing through because that would make me more sad. And you don’t want me sad do you RoRo?”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Oh god. Oh. God. Landon was also not playing fair, but...he wasn’t complaining. “No, babe. I don’t want you sad.” Roman shook his head, deciding to scoot closer to the smaller as he bit his lip, and reached out to place a hand on Landon’s thigh. “I...” his voice was light, airy, completely breathy as he fought to keep what little control he could muster from within. Yeah, he was failing miserable. “I really...really want to kiss you.” He admitted with heavy lidded eyes.

LANDON

If someone would have told Landon at the start of the night that he would be sitting here, drunk and hard next to his ex, he would have laughed in their faces. They were barely even talking so the chances of this were slim, yet here they were. And when Roman said he wanted to kiss him Landon knew he didn’t stand a chance. He was always really bad at saying no to him but now it was pretty much impossible. “If you want to kiss me so much why don’t you?” he whispered.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Dammit. Part of Roman was hoping maybe Landon would tell him no, that this was a terrible idea, and they’d snap back to the real word. But. He didn’t. In fact, he said quite the opposite, causing Ro to eye the other’s mouth before he was leaning in to brush his lips to Landon’s. It didn’t matter how long they went in between kissing, it always had such a familiarity. This was the only person Ro kissed all the way until he was nineteen. He’d never forget how it felt.

LANDON

This was a terrible idea and Landon knew they wouldn’t be doing this if they weren’t drunk off of the tequila and high off the joints. And chances were that they would wake up the next to regret it. Maybe things would even end up worse than they already were. These were all things he could think about the next morning though, not right now. The tequila was telling him that this was a great and that he might never get this chance again so why not make the best of it? And this was only confirmed at the feeling of Roman’s lips over his. It truly felt like coming home. He pulled back and looked in Roman’s eyes, wanting to make sure they were on the same page. Whatever he saw in the other’s eyes convinced him because he was leaning in again, almost crawling in his lap.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

At first, when Landon pulled back, Ro was afraid that maybe he was on the verge of changing his mind. Maybe Roman had pushed this too far, misread the situation. But then, the smaller was kissing him, and not only that, but getting so much closer. He wasn’t complaining. Instead, he hummed into Landon’s mouth, and found his hands dropping to grip at the back of his shirt, and then slipping his hands up below it to feel the other’s warm skin against his palms as their tongues slid together.

LANDON

If Landon had any doubts still in his mind, they flew out the window the second Roman’s hands touched his naked skin. It was so long since they last got to do anything like this and yet, it felt as familiar as ever. Almost like they never stopped. There was something about the two of them...the connection was always there. For a small moment in time, Landon was thinking of nothing else. No Loren, no Aaron. Just them. He moved his hands to the edge of Roman’s shirt and gave it a pull, wanting to get it off and admire the view underneath it.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

As much as they didn’t want to pull away from the kiss long enough to get any clothes off, Ro finally decided he probably should at least let landon finish what he’d started with the tugging of his shirt. He helped the smaller get it off, and then worked on Landon’s shirt. He wasn’t gonna he the only one getting naked here, especially when he wanted to see more himself.

LANDON

Landon helped his ex with taking off his own shirt and threw it somewhere behind him. All he cared about right now was getting to look at Roman and the newly revealed skin. He moved his hands from his neck down to his chest and stomach, hardly able to believe that he was lucky enough to get to do this again. “Sometimes I think it’s kind of unfair how how you are”, he mumbled, leaning in to kiss and bite down Roman’s neck.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro simply chuckled when Landon said it was unfair how hot he was, his breathing picking up the second the other’s hands were exploring him, and then those lips at his neck. Fuck. “Ha...ugh...” he reached to scrape his dull nails down the smaller’s back as his chin tilted upwards, allowing Landon to devour his neck while his hand dropped to grope his ass. “The feeling’s mutual, darling.” He cooed in an overly posh accent, though clearly breathless.

LANDON

Landon hit him on the shoulder playfully. "I can't believe you can still act stupid right now." He was lying, he definitely knew Roman was more than capable of doing that but he was in the mood to tease. The tequila and joints were also still running through his system so he was pretty much giggling at everything the other boy said. Or at least until Roman's hands went to grope his ass when his giggles quickly turned into a low moan. He bent down until their bare chests were rubbing together and used his hands to unbuckle his ex's pants. "I want these off. Now."

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman flashed his ex a scrunched nose expression when he said he couldn’t believe he could still act stupid right now, as if he didn’t know him at all. He smirked though when he seemed to struggle with his jeans, wanting them off immediately. “Bloody hell, bossy! I love it.” Ro giggled, and then lifted up his hips to help the smaller get off his pants. “Your turn?” He looked up at the other wantingly while he reached to touch himself a bit, in anticipation.

LANDON

The room was pretty much spinning so it was no surprise that the buckle and buttons were giving Landon a bit of a problem. He rolled his eyes at his ex's comment but he knew this was something the other was actually into so he wasn't worried about that at all. "I know you love it." It didn't take him too long to get Ro's pants off once he was actually helping him out and then he quickly turned his attention to his own. It wasn't fair for his ex to be less dressed than him after all. He was all about fairness. Landon pulled down his own pants and underwear with a little less difficulty, leaving him completely naked under the watchful eyes of his ex.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro propped himself up on his elbows when Landon took his turn at getting undressed, licking his lips as he watched the smaller strip down to nothing. “I do...love it.” He then answered late, his mind going a million different directions, but all leading to Landon. “Get back over here.” He asked pleadingly, ready for the smaller to just get that body on top of his own, and snog a bit longer.

LANDON

Having Roman's attention on him like this was working all sorts of wonders on his self-esteem which took quite a beating in the past few days. Knowing that he could drive his ex to beg him to go over to him...it was amazing and he never wanted this feeling to end. He didn't want to leave him waiting too long so Landon did just as he was asked and moved on top of him, moaning at the feeling of their bare skin touching all over. He connected their lips together, more than ready to return to their makeout session. "I'm here...not going anywhere", he mumbled against his lips.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman didn’t know how to feel about Landon saying he wasn’t going anywhere, but mostly, it was selfish relief. Landon made him feel complete, because he was a part of him, from the time he was only on the tail end of being a toddler. Ro wrapped a leg around the smaller, and thrusted up, wanting Landon to feel how he effected him, all while biting the man’s bottom lip between straight white teeth.

LANDON

Landon sometimes took for granted how long they’ve known each other but when he remembered it always shocked him how somehow they’d made it through so much together. Roman was so special to him and he just hoped the other knew that. When his ex thrusted up against him, Landon groaned in pleasure at the feeling of the other’s hardness against his thigh. “All this for me? I’m so flattered”, he teased. He moved his attention to Roman’s neck then dragged his teeth all the way to the boy’s nipples, knowing just how sensitive they are.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

“Sh-Shut up...” Roman joked with a smile before he was turning his attention to Ro’s neck, and then down to his nipples, making him leak precum down his shaft, to his smooth balls. God, he was so horny, clearly, and Landon always made him feel so fucking good because his comfort level was at its all time high. How couldn’t he be at his most comfortable when this was someone he had experienced everything with? “Christ!” He breathed out, his nipples becoming hard under the smaller’s mouth. “H-How do you want me?” Ro managed to ask while threading his fingers into Landon’s hair.

LANDON

The little noises made by Roman were only encouraging his actions, making him want to do better and more in order to give his ex more pleasure. He moved one of his hands to Ro's cock and gave it a few strokes, smirking when he saw the effect it had on the other boy. Landon moaned at the question and bit his lip. This boy was going to be the death of him. That was a good question though. How did he want him? This could very well be their last time sleeping together so he wanted to do something to remember it by. Landon used his free hand to spread the other's legs and leaned in to kiss Roman again before saying anything. "I want to fuck you. Can I?"

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman was kind of losing it while Landon stroked him, biting his lip so hard, he was on the verge of bleeding at any moment probably. When Landon asked if he could fuck him though? Ha. It’s like he’d just won the lottery. How long had it even been since Landon topped him? “Of course you can.” He breathed out, and then turned to grab some lube from the side drawer. Of course he had lube down here where he could easily grab it. “I ehm...honestly, would love if you fucked me.” Ro rasped while looking up at the smaller, offering the lube to him with a small smirk.

LANDON

Landon couldn't really remember the last time he topped someone and he really hoped he didn't make a complete fool of himself. The last few times they hooked up together Roman was on top and the same was for his times with Loren. One could say he was a little bit out of practice but he wasn't about to tell Roman that. Not to mention that he was really determined to try. From the looks of it, he wasn't the only one excited about it either, Roman's words going straight to his cock. Landon smirked when his ex got out the lube from the side drawer. "Hmm...someone's been a little naughty at the theater", he smirked. "Or maybe you were just expecting something to happen tonight?" Considering the state they were both in at the beginning of the night, Landon knew the chances of that were slim but it was still a good thought to have. He took the bottle of lube from Roman and poured some on his fingers. "Did you hope I'd come here and fuck you? Show you that you're the one I really want?"

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman smirked when Landon pointed out that he’d been naughty at the theater, as if he should be surprised. Well, to be honest, Ro really hadn’t been THAT bad, but he liked to be prepared. “I didn’t expect anythin’ from you, but I can’t say I’m complaining.” He muttered, voice somehow even deeper, and more raspy than it normally was. How was that even possible?? God, when Landon started on his dirty talk though - asking if he hoped the smaller would come here and fuck him...show him he’s the one he wants? Wow. He wasn’t expecting that, and his face showed it. He wouldn’t have had any idea how to react to that sober, let alone drunk and high off his ass. “Oh god Lan, please...” he said desperately, begging with dilated pupils, and pink parted lips.

LANDON

Landon wasn’t usually someone who talked like that for fear of sounding ridiculous. He much preferred listening to others say that to him but the tequila had the ability to loosen his tongue. Seeing Roman’s reaction, he worried that he took it too far and that it wasn’t something Ronan was into but his worries were quickly appeased when his ex started begging. He reached out to prod his fingers at Roman’s entrance, slipping one in and biting his lip at the view he was getting. Yet somehow, it still wasn’t enough so he bent down and wrapped his lips around the tip of the other boy’s cock, keeping eye contact with him. July 7, 2020

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman’s breaths came out in short huffs when Landon prodded his entrance, lifting his hips to welcome the invasion like a dirty little whore. Seriously, the way his lips were parted so obscenely, his eyes dark with dilated pupils. He wanted landon bad, and it showed. Ro didn’t expect the smaller to then lean in, and take his cock like that though, so an unexpected moan left his throat in response. “Lan...” he huffed, long fingers now weaving into his ex boyfriend’s hair.

LANDON

Landon was pretty sure that he could cum just from the sight of his ex if given the chance. The way he moved around to welcome the pressing of his finger and the way he was looking at him with eyes filled with desire. It would make stronger men melt into a little puddle of want so it wasn't surprising that Landon was in such a state right now.  He continued to slide his head down until Roman's cock was hitting the back of his throat and he moaned, knowing the vibrations would drive him wild.  It took him a while to get used to the feeling of it but, once he did, he started bobbing up and down, taking his ex's whole length in over and over again.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Landon really was just...so fucking good at oral. Why didn’t they do this more often? Oh yeah. “Lan...” he rasped, fingers tugging at the smaller’s feather soft hard while he tried his best not to just fuck up into his mouth, and wreck his throat. God, he wanted to do that so bad. “Feels so fucking good...” he liked giving encouragement in bed, and hopefully Landon still enjoyed when he did that. Roman was a talker, even behind closed doors. He couldn’t help himself.

LANDON

Landon could tell his ex was holding himself back. At the first opportunity, he pulled all the way back and looked up at him, licking his lips. “You can go harder love”, he rasped. “I’m not a china doll, I can take it.” He pushed himself down again, taking him back in. Landon brought his attention back to his finger, thrusting it in and out a few times then added a second one when he felt Roman was ready.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ohhhh my god. Why was there something about Landon telling Ro that he basically wanted to be ruined, that made Ro want to jump out of a window in the BEST way. That made no sense, but you catch my drift. He just really, really did wanna fuck Landon’s face. “As you wish...doll.” Ro smirked, and then began to thrust his hips upwards, getting his length even deeper than he had been going before, probably choking the poor boy, but knowing it was something he wanted himself, maybe Landon did as well.

LANDON

Landon could feel his throat opening up to take Ro's cock deeper. He pinned his ex's hips down so he couldn't thrust and took him all the way in, not stopping until his nose was pressed against skin. He held him there for several seconds, throat working the tip of his length, eyes watering, before pulling back and letting him fuck into his mouth again. Roman's noises of pleasure were getting to him almost as much as their actions were. There were a few times when he almost choked on the cock thrusting in his throat but he knew Roman was enjoying the spasms that caused. Landon got off when he felt Roman was getting too close, panting and his eyes watering, his mouth slick with saliva. "Can't have you come too early love."

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro was dying. But like. In a good way. Landon was just so fucking good with his mouth, and the way he looked pulling back with those shiny lips? Damn. Anyone would be effected by the sight of that. “Mmmm evil, but understandable.” He rasped in response, breathing hard still as he watched the smaller. “Does that mean you’re gonna fuck me now, hm?” Ro asked in a naughty voice, lifting up on his elbows so he could see his ex better. “It’s been so long since you’ve been inside of me...”

LANDON

It really had been a long time since Landon got to do this with Roman. I get hooked up a few times since he got back to New York but since Landon was more a fan of being on the bottom they never really got the chance to do it the other way round. Not until now, at least. And his ex’s words were only making him more excited to get to it. “That’s exactly what it means”, he smirked. Landon picked up the bottle of lube again and got some more on his fingers, pushing two into Roman and thrusting them in until he hit that spot he knew would make the other see stats. “You think you’re ready for it?”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman smirked like the little shit he was when he was asked if he was ready for it, legs spreading like it was his job, and really...the way he looked was just unfair. “I’m more than ready for this.” He rasped, reaching time grab his own cock, long fingers wrapping around the length before beginning to slowly pump himself for slight relief while his lips parted. “I want you, Landon.” He partially moaned, making a show of it, because he knew the smaller would enjoy it. “Please fuck me.”

LANDON

Roman really knew how to be a tease when he was in the mood and it was clear today was one of those days. Landon wasn’t even sure how he wasn’t drooling at the sight in front of him but he wasn’t going to let him get away with it for much longer. So he slapped the hand Roman had wrapped around his cock and pinched his thigh in retaliation. “What do you think you’re doing?” He bent over to look through the drawer Roman got the lube from and smirked when he found just what he was looking for. Condoms. Tearing the packet with his teeth, Landon slid the condom over his cock and spread the leftover lube over it. “You’re such a little shit Ro but I have my ways. You’re going to cum from my cock fucking you or you won’t cum at all.” With that he thrust his hips forward and slid in one go with a loud moan, grabbing onto Roman’s hips so hard it would probably bruise.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro was smirking when Landon asked what he thought he was doing, knowing he probably wasn’t allowed to touch himself right now, despite doing it anyway. He loved pushing the smaller’s buttons, he was just adorable when worked up. His eyes stayed stuck on Landon’s movements as he grabbed the condom, and slid it on. When his ex then went on to set his rule, Ro’s eyes went a little wide. He wasn’t expecting that from Landon, but wow, that was fucking hot. “Yes sir...” he rasped, gaze stuck on Landon’s face when he was grabbed, and impaled like that, Christ!!! He moaned, and clenched around the other’s cock as his head dropped back. Yeah, this was gonna be fucking good.

LANDON

Having Roman call him sir was taking him back to a time when they were still so young and trying to experiment with different things they were into. Roman had always been a little more forward and daring than he was and many times had to take the lead and let him know what to do and what he was into. Some things used to make Landon blush but he never said no to anything without giving it a try, he only wanted his boyfriend to be happy after all. They quickly figured out that Landon was very much into being called sir whenever he was the one on top and, in a way, it was nice to see that hadn't changed even after all these years and after so many other things changing. It still got him going just as it did when they were eighteen. Roman felt so tight around his cock that he had to wait for a few seconds before moving in order to calm himself down. "You feel so fucking good", he moaned before he started thrusting, still gripping onto his ex's hips.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro could tell that Landon was really enjoying himself, maybe even more than he expected, which of course just made him smirk. It was one of those very unfair, naughty smirks, but he didn’t really plan it. It just...had been a long time since they’d been in this position. “You feel good, too...” he rasped, lids heavy as he involuntarily squeezed around his ex boyfriend’s cock. “Ugh....Landon.” Roman moaned, arching his back, and then placing his hands on top of the other’s at his hips. “Give it to me. I can take it.” He breathed out, ready to really get pounded.

LANDON

They hadn't known each other for years without learning a thing or two about each other. Landon felt like he knew Roman quite well and so he knew he was very pleased with himself right now, the little shit, all said with fondness. Landon knew he could take it but did he really want to make it that easy for his ex? Of course not. "I don't know about that, I think I'm happy doing it just like this." Instead of slamming into him like Roman so obviously wanted him to do, he slowed down his thrusts, going deeper but not rushing with it. "I think this is so nice. Why rush it?" Now he was the one smirking cheekily, making it crystal clear that he knew exactly what he was doing.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman dropped his jaw when Landon decided to go against him, and instead, do the fucking opposite. This wasn’t at all surprising, and if Landon was into slapping, maybe he’d deliver a nice firm one across his face. The most annoying part? It made Ro smile. God, he hated him. Truly. “Asshole.” Roman half moaned, but was clearly not complaining about how things felt currently, as is. He squeezed the smaller’s wrists, and then tried to move his own hips, meeting Landon’s thrusts with some of his own while he huffed out some heavy breaths.

LANDON

Roman's face was priceless and Landon found himself hiding his face against his ex's neck and giggling. He'd missed this so much, always having loved the fact that they could very well have a laugh even while in a compromising position such as this one. It made what they had special. "I might be an asshole but, admit it, you love it", he mumbled against his neck. Landon pulled his head back and focused on keeping the pace slow and deep but it wasn't long until it got to be too much for him and he finally gave Roman what he really wanted. He increased his pace, really going for it until you could hear the sounds of skin slapping against skin.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro smiled so wide, dimples deep in his cheeks, face almost hurting at how much Landon made him laugh, and just...feel better. He was his best friend, always had been. He knew from the very first second he saw those intensely blue eyes, and that baby bowl cut, this was going to be someone he could connect with on such a deep level. They’d been through so much both individually, and together, and Roman didn’t even want to let him go. “Fine.” His voice was gravely as he leaned his head back, and hooked a leg around the smaller. “I love it.” This time he moaned the words, getting louder the second his ex really started giving him what he wanted. “Fuck!!” Ro was breathing heavy through helping Landon with his thrusts, and eventually reached for the back of the smaller’s neck so he could pull his lips down to his own. Kissing was so intimate, but he needed it, and he hoped Landon did too.

LANDON

Landon wasn't sure what was going to happen after this. Roman obviously loved Aaron and Landon was still heartbroken over how it all ended with Loren. They probably shouldn't even be doing this right now, all things considered. One thing was for sure, he couldn't go back to not talking to his ex. Whether they were together or just friends, he had always needed Roman in his life. It's always been like that since they first met when they were five years old and it didn't look like it was going to change any time soon. Landon didn't want it to change. He let his ex pull him in for a kiss, even knowing that it made the whole thing a lot more intimate than it was already. Not that literally sleeping together wasn't intimate but there was something different about kissing. He needed the connection it provided. Landon wasn't used to taking control like this but, when he did, he always tried his best not to disappoint. "Babe, I don't think I heard you", he rasped out, still keeping up the same pounding pace and now moving one of his hands to Roman's nipples to pinch and tug.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman let out a noise akin to a growl when landed pulled back to say he didn’t think he heard him, his pace still going strong while he decided to be a little shit, and play with his nipples. Anyone who knew Roman well in bed, knew that his nipples were overly sensitive, so as soon as Landon took advantage of that, Ro was dropping his head back and moaning much louder than before. “FUCK!” He hoped that was what Landon was looking to hear, because if there weren’t in the basement, they’d definitely be giving a show.

LANDON

If there was one thing Landon was sure he was never getting tired of, it was probably messing with Roman, even if it was while they were hooking up. It was too amusing to see him getting annoyed and pushing him to his limits. It helped that doing that often meant that Landon got what he wanted which, in this case, was Roman being as loud as possible. And knowing that they were in the basement meant they were safe in the knowledge that no one could hear them. "There you go baby, I knew you could do it." He kept playing with the other's nipples, knowing how sensitive they were. "You've always been able to make the prettiest noises, I love it so much when you get loud."

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman was a whore for dirty talk, whether it was being talked down to in a Sub/Dom situation, or being praised the way landon was doing with him now. He moved his tongue out to lick his lips, dry from how much he was fucking panting. He could feel pressure start to build in his lower stomach, tingling, shuttered breaths. God, Landon was really taking him there a lot faster than he meant to, and apparently that had never changed. “I can’t help it with you.” Ro’s words were almost pathetic, trying so hard to keep himself together while getting his brains fucked out, and his nipples attacked, GOD. “Landon...” he looked into the other’s eyes, signaling he was close.

LANDON

Landon could still remember all of Roman's telltales from their time together. The panting breaths, his voice almost taking on a whining quality to it. The way he was looking into his eyes only confirmed what he was already suspecting and Landon wasn't too far behind. How could he not be when his ex was squeezing around him in such a way. And his words only managed to get him even closer to the edge. He felt like he could barely catch his breath with the way they were going but he also didn't want to stop talking to Roman, knowing the effect it was having on him. "I know baby, I know. You've always been such a good boy for me haven't you?" Landon's composure was slowly slipping and he focused on not slowing down his thrusts, giving it hard to the other boy just as he was asked to do.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ohhh oh. That was evil. Roman loved being called a good boy, and the instant Landon said that, he could feel his entire body flush red, and hot. “Yes sir...” he managed to choke out, eyes fixed on the other as he tried to keep his composure, but he knew it was pointless. “Landon!” He warned one more time in a low moan before he was bucking his hips, and cunning all over them both with a string of moans.

LANDON

Roman got even tighter around him if it was possible when he got to the edge and add to that having his ex call him sir again was all he needed to follow his lead. With a couple of more harsh thrusts, he was cumming as well, moaning loudly in the other's ear. Landon could feel his arms about to give out after that blissful orgasm but he didn't want to just crash on Roman so he pulled out, dropping next to the other. Thank god it was not a small sofa. He pulled the condom off and tied it up, throwing it somewhere behind them. They could deal with that later. Right now, he was more focused on catching his breath and making sure Roman was okay. "All good?" he asked, running a gentle hand through the other's hair. He didn't even care that his stomach was pretty much covered with cum.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman was barely even aware of what would he was in once Landon had cum, and was now on his back next to him. He didn’t even pay attention to the fact that there was a used condom laying on the floor somewhere behind them. He’d have to worry about that at a later time. He smirked, turning his head to the side with a lopsided grin while the smaller ran a hand through his now slightly damp curls. “Yeah. Really good.” He’d been so emotionally stressed, and that was just the relief he needed. Did his mind immediately go to Aaron? Yeah. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t. He’d always love landon, and being with him again was amazing, but so much had happened in the last decade. He fell in love again, big time, and even if they weren’t together right now, Aaron was always going to be on his mind. “Are you all good?” He asked while turning on his side to smile at his ex.

LANDON

Now that they were both slowly coming down from their high, there were so many things Landon started thinking about. The first thought on his brain was probably Aaron and how pissed he was going to be at him once he figured out what they did. He didn't even think about not telling him, because he knew one of them would end up caving eventually. And even though Roman and Aaron had broken up, Landon was under no impression that this wasn't a low move. They were both going through a lot though and Roman was right there. He was right there and Landon loved him and how could it have ended in anything other than this? Having that smile directed at him made it all worth it, at least in the moment. They might have both fucked up by doing this but Landon just couldn't bring himself to regret it. "After that? I couldn't be anything other than amazing."

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro managed to smile even bigger at Landon’s answer, because that was sweet. Landon could lay down some burns, but he was also pretty damn charming when he wanted to be. Roman appreciated that right now, big time. “It was amazing. Thank you.” He reached to grab the smaller’s hand, eyes dropping down to look at their hands together with a sigh. They both knew this was good, but also bad in a way. Should they have done this? No. But, it had happened, and Ro couldn’t help but feel a little better. “I need to clean you up.” He chuckled, and then managed to jump off the couch over Landon, and grabbed some baby wipes out of the bathroom so he could get to work. Even post sex Roman was a caregiver. “Did you...wanna stay then night?” He asked as soon as he was done, though he didn’t make eye contact.

LANDON

Landon interlocked their fingers together and gave the hand in his a little squeeze. It was nothing much but it was his own little way of saying thank you without putting it into words. He watched Roman get up and go to the bathroom to get wipes, rolling his eyes fondly. How that boy could move so fluidly after all of that, he would never know. He thought hard about his question, unsure f what his answer should be. Did Roman even want him to spend the night? Landon wasn't sure but what he was sure about was that he wasn't going to be able to get off this couch even if he tried so ,in the end, he settled for a nod and hoped it was the right answer. "That would be great."

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

“Cool. Sleepover.” He laughed, and then his face fell just a little, hopefully out of Landon’s view. They haven’t spent the night together in...he didn’t honestly know how long. Years and years. Roman taking care of Landon after his accident was the first time that came to mind, and he just...felt weird. He didn’t know how to describe it. “We’ve been drinking anyway.” He remembered, still feeling a bit woozy from all the liquor. “Do you want to sleep on the couch, or in bed?” Would it be weird for them to share a bed? They did just fuck after all.

LANDON

Landon wasn't really particular about whether he spent the night in the bed or on the couch. Considering they'd just fucked, he didn't think it would be too bad to spend the night together and a share a bed but he didn't want to force Roman into a situation where he would feel uncomfortable. It was bad enough that he almost felt as if he was imposing on the other and ruining things for him just by hanging around after all of that. He could see that Roman's smile had dropped but he wasn't sure he could ask about it. He was probably thinking about Aaron and feeling guilty and the last thing Landon wanted was to add on to that guilt. "I'm fine with wherever, you know I'm not picky." Better to just leave the choice of that to his ex.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Honestly? Roman wanted Landon to sleep in the same bed, but not for the reasons one might think. He wasn’t done needing his best friend. Not that he’d ever be, but he didn’t want to sleep alone tonight. “Come get in the bed. No need to sleep on the couch.” He pushed himself up to his feet again, discarding the baby wipes into the closest bin as he made his way towards the bathroom. They both washed up, Ro letting the smaller use a spare toothbrush from the drawer, and then they were falling into bed exhausted. “Thank you again landon...” he whispered once the lights were out, knowing it was dumb to thank him, but he was thanking him for a lot more than just sex. “Sleep tight.”

LANDON

Landon wasn't about to argue about it. In reality, he was all for sleeping in the same bed, although it was more because he didn't trust himself not to start crying again if he was left to his own devices on the couch. It was so easy to just forget about everything and focus on them while they were having sex but now everything was coming back to him. Loren, the breakup, the words he said. He didn't want to sleep alone. So he followed Roman to the bathroom, getting ready for bed as best as he could considering he had nothing here and using one of Roman's spare toothbrushes. Somehow he managed to make it to bed, exhausted now that the effect of the alcohol was slowly wearing out. "Goodnight Ro", he mumbled, already half asleep and wrapping his arms around the other to bring him close. "Sleep well."

[ohscorbus]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Saturday 11th May, 2019

I think it goes without saying that seeing today’s show was an absolute honour. James Phoon, our lovely Craig Bowker (aaand everyone’s favourite Hufflepuff), FINALLY got to go on as Scorpius Malfoy. Now we’ve been talking, hoping, and begging for this for two years. Two years! Spoiler alert: it was worth the wait. ♥︎

So, who is his Scorpius? Well I initially summed him up in three words: sweet, strong, awkward. I stand by that. We’ve always said he’d be a total sweetheart, a child of sunshine and sweets. We weren’t wrong. But what really captured my attention was his strength. He didn’t feel vulnerable the way Jonathan’s Scorpius does (to me, anyway) and even when he was, I knew he could handle himself. There was something very Malfoy about him in that sense. You could almost see Draco’s influence. It was all there, intertwined with his own Scorpius-ness. It felt like something brand new but also exactly what you’d expect from Scorpius Malfoy. Watching him stand his ground and push back on Albus, and then awkwardly play with his hands and squeal in delight over something geeky in the next breath. It was the perfect mix which made for a fascinatingly brilliant interpretation and one I’d have loved the chance to explore further. I can only imagine where James would have taken him if he was already here at show one. 

ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR: THIRD YEAR

I absolutely adored his approach to the scene where he tells Albus about Astoria’s death. Instead of looking down at the ground or focusing on Albus, he angled himself our way and stared out as if he was looking out of the train window. Yet his unfocused and glistening eyes told us he wasn’t really seeing anything beyond the glass. It made me wonder if he’d have stayed like that all the way to Hogwarts if Albus hadn’t have found him because even once Albus had arrived and started talking, Scorpius barely blinked. He spoke back but he never took his eyes off the view. It broke my heart. He couldn’t write those words and now he has to say them. I don’t blame him for not wanting to see the sorry on Albus’s face. He remained in that position until he suddenly turned towards Albus as he asked him to be his good friend. The fact that it’s that line that pulls Scorpius back into the world says so much about him. His friendship with Albus is what grounds him. It’s what he needs to get through this.

Also, unrelated to James but I have to call out Ryan in the wand dance. So you know how Albus fails at the very end and his wand shoots out the powder instead? Well while the other kids mocked him, Ryan just stood at the back, looking at his own wand, and wondered aloud: “how did he do that?” The look of confusion on his face and the fact the question seemed so genuine had me laughing so hard I wheezed. I’ve been saying it ever since. (Plus I like the idea that someone out there is impressed. Even if it was an accident. Bless him.)

ACT ONE, SCENE NINETEEN: BEATING THE LIBRARY

I just have to mention Jamie B here because his version of James’s Scorpius was absolutely superb. Like, A+. 10/10. Five gold stars. We gushed at him afterwards and he said he only got to watch James for a few scenes that day before having to go on and do this scene. I’m still wildly impressed at this man’s talent. 

ACT TWO, SCENE SIX: HOGWARTS THROUGH THE TREES

This scene always stands out to me. There’s a certain kind of magic to it that sets it apart from the others. We come to the theatre, or pick up the book, or watch the movies, to visit Hogwarts. Yet in this scene, it’s those at Hogwarts who turn to watch us to see this world. It gives me goosebumps every time. I never feel as part of the magic as I do when I’m watching this scene. For that reason, it’s so interesting to watch the actors reacting to that view. Of seeing that magic, of all of us on this journey with them. There’s time there where they literally don’t say anything. They just stand and look and without fail, it exposes the true extent of their Harry Potter love. It doesn’t matter how good of an actor you are, there are some emotions you cannot fake. The beauty of the Palace Theatre itself and the realisation of pretty much being ‘Harry Potter’ (but better) in this moment has caused so many of them to well up. Now James P’s love for HP is common knowledge. He’s a very proud Hufflepuff who beat his losing streak in the Friday Forty by joining the cast in the second year. (I have so much respect for that haha.) So as you can imagine, the second we all saw his eyes glistening as he stepped forward we all cried with him.

ACT TWO, SCENE SEVEN: FIRST AU

Now you know the Malfoys are my favourites (apart from Albus, he’s still my number one), so seeing how Draco and Scorpius interact is pretty high on my list of priorities. I was on the edge of my seat for this scene today! So anyway, the adults run on stage and Draco immediately zones in on his son but Scorpius stays focused on Albus. I think it was partly because Albus was very obviously in quite a lot of pain, and I’m also fairly sure he was actively trying to avoid the look on his dad’s face too. He’s in trouble and he knows it. I just hope he also knows how worried his dad has been too because that is also evident on his face.

ACT TWO, SCENE TEN: WRONG BOY IN THE WRONG CARRIAGE

So for anyone who’s not seen the show, this scene has the adults talking around McGonagall’s desk with both staircases back to back behind them. They sort of frame the scene and enclose them to give the impression they’re in a room. Now while this scene plays out, Scorpius is sat on the right staircase behind/above them. Now I’ve never been fully convinced either way as to whether it means Scorpius is eavesdropping on their conversation or whether he’s there simply as a reminder of what’s at stake. Either way, Scorpius is usually uncharacteristically still as they speak. You could easily forget he’s there. So it was super interesting to see James decide to keep moving his hands as Scorpius would. It made you more aware of the fact even if he’s not part of the conversation, he is part of this. Everything that is being said directly affects him. This boy that’s sat in the darkness alone and showing signs of uneasiness. It made Harry’s misguided anger feel even worse.

ACT TWO, SCENE TWELVE: STAIRCASE BALLET

This is a random observation and probably not the one you want but for some reason, the image of him sitting on top of the staircase with his legs hanging down is stuck in my head. I just love it? I'm so used to Scorpius sitting up there cross-legged and looking down at Albus longingly and so full of hope. To see something different was refreshing! It was almost like he missed Albus walking beneath him at first and then as he seemed to realise, he quickly jumped up and ran back to the banister to catch him as he walked up the other staircase behind him. Although thinking about it now, that’s even sadder? The fact he doesn’t spot him immediately. Did Scorpius start to give up? It would explain his frustration at Delphi a few scenes later. Being confronted with the notion that Albus needs him when in fact it’s clearly him that needs Albus. A hard truth to learn when his best friend has all but abandoned him. It’s interesting to imagine a Scorpius trying to learn how to survive school (and life) without Albus at this point. Maybe that’s what Delphi sees. That’s why she risks everything because she can’t have Scorpius being so Malfoy about this and surviving. She needs him to fight for Albus. She needs them together.

Or maybe it’s just simply because Albus is always so quick to run off or change direction to avoid Scorpius so that when he does literally past right underneath him here it’s like Scorpius doesn’t believe it. Like he can’t trust his own eyes. But then it registers and of course he’s immediately up and after him. It’s definitely a much nicer idea. But I’ll let you decide...

ACT TWO, SCENE SIXTEEN: THE ARGUMENT

Now this is a library scene! I personally always prefer a Scorpius that gets so uncontrollably angry he properly shouts in this scene. I want him to finally explode after years of imploding. James P did not let me down. There was no mistaking his frustration. His “try my life” silenced the theatre. The pain in his “can you even slightly imagine what that’s like” exposed Albus. The next lines were unnecessary. Albus already felt two foot tall. Then his “giving sympathy to the boy WHO DOESN’T EVEN GIVE ANYTHING BACK” gave me goosebumps. This is my Scorpius. He had the whole audience in his hands. Even the annoyingly loud lady behind me was captived enough to stop using her Pringles as maracas! Wayhey!!! But all jokes aside, watching this sweet boy stand up to his best friend and speak without knowing if Albus would stay at the end of this was heartwrenching. But he’s right, some things are more important. I think this hits him here finally and his voice and anger dips as he said, ”so I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your life because I tell you - you wouldn’t have a chance of ruining mine - it was already ruined.” Each pause brought more emotion until finally he exploded with anger again for ‘the most terrible friend’ line. I can still see his face so clearly in my head as he shouted that at Albus. He had, what I can only describe as his ‘angry eyebrows’ on, and he meant it. The unwavering glare he gave Albus was cold and cruel. It was glorious. I have this thing about getting glimpses of what could be the Scorpion King. I love it. Now I know our Scorpius isn’t that person and nor is he capable of the things he is, but watching him use his words to cut Albus down was like a flash of what could be. If anyone in the theatre still had any doubt this boy was a Malfoy, they wouldn’t have after this scene.

But back to the height thing. We’re used to Scorpius having some height on Albus and it being visibly noticeable. Yet this was the one time I actually felt it, despite the fact that James and Joe are roughly the same height. He just had such a big presence on stage once he’d stopped holding back. The flashes of anger, fuelled by unimaginable pain, concealed for reasons that would only hurt you further if you learned them. There’s so much more to Scorpius Malfoy than sweets, and it breaks my heart.   

Of course this all led to a truly heartfelt apology from Albus. It felt softer than usual. Or maybe it just seemed that way after Scorpius’s sharpness. It was beautiful to watch them equal each other out. There’s always a balance with these two and it’s never more obvious than here.

Oh and the hug! This was the most awkward hug I’ve ever witnessed. Basically, Albus pulled him up and tried to bring him straight into a hug but Scorpius put his hands up and froze. (Think Surprised Kitten.) That didn’t deter Albus though. He tried to work around it (by which I mean he still kept his arms out and half around Scorpius trying to coax him into it) but Scorpius was not moving. Oh and FYI, it wasn’t a ‘I’m uncomfortable with this’ kind of thing. It was definitely a ‘I don’t know what to do here’ kind of thing! In the end, Albus motioned with his hands for Scorpius to come closer and gave him an encouraging head nod along with it. That finally did it and the two hugged. It was super sweet with five layers of awkwardness and I loved it. Especially given how determined Scorpius looked when he said ‘always’. It’s fascinating how Albus is a source of both confidence and the unknown to him. His range of reactions will never stop entertaining me.

ACT TWO, SCENE NINETEEN: GIRLS’ BATHROOM

So the soap didn’t inflate and I’m only mentioning this because Albus’s response was just, “nevermind”, and he carried on. NEVERMIND. It’s not like if you get this wrong then the whole plan falls through or anything, Albus! This boy. Honestly. He’s a jumbled mix of accepted failure and confident stubbornness and I’m here for that.

ACT THREE, SCENE TWO: VOLDY TIMELINE

There was a really great parallel moment here where he was in the middle of the stage, facing the audience and looking at Hogwarts. Just like he was during the ‘Hogwarts through the trees’ scene. Yet the difference between these two looks spoke volumes about how different this version of Hogwarts was. The last time he looked in awe. He was happy to be there and proud to be at that school. But now he looked back at it over his shoulder and his eyes spoke of bone deep fear.

This Scorpius played the role of Scorpion King quite impressively. He was able to rein in a lot of his Scorpius-y mannerisms for longer than Jonathan’s Scorpius manages. It was more in line with Samuel’s Scorpius, if not better. It’s exactly what I expected of this Scorpius after part one. Draco may have failed to instil leadership in him but he’s definitely picked other things up.

ACT THREE, SCENE THREE: DRACO’S OFFICE

He went for what I can only describe as a ‘pitifully wounded trapped animal’ approach to being held down on the table. I felt it like a stab to the heart. He just collapsed into the desk and his legs looked like they were going to buckle. He looked so small it hurt. But if that wasn’t bad enough, once he’d got free he ran backward holding the side of his face and let out the saddest little whimper. He made no attempt to hide the fact he’d been hurt. I’m glad. I think Draco needed that. Scorpius too. I don’t think he’s tempted to stay in this reality but this affirms his need to change it back. He may be struggling with his dad but he knows enough to know that he wouldn’t want this. His mother either. He’s aware of his past but he’s also aware of his present. He’ll save the world for Albus, but he’ll change it for his family.

ACT THREE, SCENE FOUR: ALL THE CRAIGS

I’m not gonna lie, I spent this entire scene being alarmed by the fact the person I’ve watched as Craig for the past two years was now suddenly interacting with Craig. I wonder if that was weird for him too…

ACT THREE, SCENE FIVE: LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

I love how his ‘you loved his mother’ seemed to escape from him without intention. He instantly became nervous and unsure as to whether he should have mentioned it. But he presses on and he slowly regains his confidence the longer Snape is quiet. It made me think about how important this moment is for Scorpius. He’s been in this AU for (presumably) days now and I can’t imagine the horrors he’s seen. But he never gives up hope and now there’s a light. Even in this world of darkness, Scorpius is not alone, and love will win once more. I know he loves reading about it in his history books but experiencing this first hand must inspire and empower him more than just the fact he survived this world.

ACT THREE, SCENE EIGHT: DEMENTORS

He really put his all into his interactions with the Dementors which I will always love an actor for. These creatures are mentally draining, affect you physically and emotionally, and are hard to detach from. There’s no fancy CGI of the movies here and honestly, they don’t need it anyway. James portrayed all of that brilliantly. (Dementors are my favourite HP creatures of this made me very happy!)

ACT THREE, SCENE NINE: CAREFUL, YOU’RE DROWNING ME!

Having seen all the reluctance and nervousness in the previous hugs, I was a little bit unsure of what to expect with this one since it’s the first hug Scorpius instigates himself. I shouldn’t have worried. The hug was short but Scorpius threw himself into it without hesitation or any hint of uncertainty afterwards. It was lovely and a true testament to his character. He could have come back from the Voldy AU angry and damaged but instead he focuses on his relationships. It reminds me of that quote from HBP: “You're the one who is weak. You will never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.” Scorpius is awkward and bullied. He’s hurting and lonely. He must appear weak to just about everyone, but they’re wrong. To be dealing with all of that and still have such a pure love for magic and life and all the people in it? It’s incredible and beyond brave to choose love time and time again. I think we could all learn a thing or two from Scorpius Malfoy. He’s the bravest person I know.

ACT THREE, SCENE FOURTEEN: THE DORM SCENE

This was so heavily influenced by Samuel’s Scorpius that I instantly broke down in a flood of tears and sobbed my way through this scene (and the next few). He woke Albus up with an ‘Al-boos’ and then he even pulled his duvet up and wrapped it around his face as he said Mouldy Voldy. It was beautifully painful in the best and worst ways. None of us were prepared. I just never expected to see those things again but it also reminded me (like I could ever forget, ha!) how well they work. I mean, I may have been crying uncontrollably but everyone else was laughing along at his ridiculousness. It was like his sugar high had just kicked in. Malfoy the Unanxious was really loving life in this moment. 

One thing that stood out in particular was the way he said the pun at the end. It was full of dramatic pauses (“It’s time.. that time turning… became a thing… of the past”) and he said it so seriously. This Scorpius has skills. The pride on his face afterwards made it even better. I like that he can give as good as he can get with dry humour and Albus. He’s clearly picked up a thing or two over the years. I can only imagine what they’re like together once they’ve got started. Total Slytherins. 

ACT THREE, SCENE NINETEEN: TORTURE SCENE

I have to admit, I kinda just lost myself in this scene and enjoyed it so I have very few notes. Other than that he made this painfully sad whimper when Delphi turned her wand towards him and he realises that’s how she’s going to control Albus. But then the second time she does it he remains silent. He knows what’s coming but he’ll endure (and not give her the satisfaction) if it means stopping her. Although he didn’t hide his pain afterwards. He looked and sounded like he was in agony. I’m a big fan of that. (Sorry Scorpius!)

It was also really jarring again to see James P watch Craig Bowker die in this scene. Scorpius consciously tried to avoid looking at Craig’s dead body too and that somehow made it worse?

ACT THREE, SCENE TWENTY: YOUR DAD LOVES YOU, VERY MUCH

I always watch Scorpius’s face as Albus says this line. So Jonathan’s Scorpius always looks across at Albus in panic, like he’s about to expose what’s about to happen to Cedric and ruin time. Then once he realises he’s not, he deflates and simply watches Albus with such love. He knows what those words would mean to Albus, so for him to say them to Cedric, making sure it’s the last thing that Cedric hears before he dies, it makes him look at Albus like he’s seeing him for who he truly is. A boy whose heart convinces his head to act. That may have gotten them into this mess but Scorpius likes that about him. This moment is a reminder of that. So much has happened. The arguments, their falling out, their losses, their wounds exposed. But this seems to bring him back down and closer. It’s so incredibly touching. It made me super intrigued to see what James would do with it. Unsurprisingly, I was not let down. The emotion on his face just broke me. I’m not sure if it’s because of what he knew would happen, and must happen, to Cedric. The burden of that so soon after Craig must have been awful. Or whether it was hearing those words himself and thinking of his own dad that caused those feelings to overpower him. But it was beautifully painful to watch. It’s such an emotionally powerful moment. To see him physically uncomfortable, unable to sit still as he’s flooded with these feelings, truly brought home how young they are to be dealing with all this too.

ACT FOUR, SCENE THREE: SQUEEEAK!

I’m not sure I’ve mentioned this already but his voice got really light and wispy whenever he was really happy. Like whatever was happening had taken his breath away. Usually it’s Rose’s doing but here it’s aaallll Bathilda. It started the second he realises she’ll be alive and in that house right now. It only escalated once she’d walked out and he’d seen her. His voice went so high and his squeak could have cracked glass. He was so unashamedly geeking out.

ACT FOUR, SCENE FIVE: FANBOY

Also, it’s super important you know this ubergeek kept letting out these really high pitched squeals of delight as this scene went on. It was like he never came back down from the high of seeing Bathilda. He did it once they’d figured out their plan and then again when he opened Bathilda’s door. That one was an actual shriek. He showed no shame. Good.

A little Scorpius-y quirk for you: he was continually fiddling with his clothes. Here it was the bottom of his coat. Probably the zipper? When he was in his uniform he favoured the ends of his sleeves.

ACT FOUR, SCENE EIGHT: WE CAN HUG TOO

So to anyone who’s read any of my recaps before, you may remember how I mentioned that Jonathan’s Scorpius has very noticeable anxiety issues. At times he struggles to catch his breath and how it’s something both Draco and Albus help him with throughout the show. (Although sadly he’s definitely toned this down a lot recently.) Anyway, I’m bringing this up now because after Draco and Scorpius hugged, Draco always keeps his hand on Scorpius’s shoulder. Presumably to keep him close but to also focus him on his breathing. It’s a really touching moment that tells you everything about how loving and caring this little family is. But since this is a different Scorpius I wondered what James H would do here. Interestingly, he didn’t change a thing. Now I’m thinking this shared moment isn’t just about Scorpius. It’s also about Draco. I’ve talked before about why I think Draco is constantly rubbing his fingers together. That I believe it’s a stress/anxiety thing, and how I think he uses that as a way of channeling and restraining it. It’s useful as a parent to recognise and understand something your child is going through, and it explains why James H still had Draco do the same actions today with James P’s Scorpius. Because his Scorpius didn’t need that sort of help so obviously. So the idea that his exaggerating breathing isn’t just for Scorpius to copy, but for himself too makes sense. I can’t imagine the stress of what losing Scorpius must have felt like. To finally have him back again, right in front of him, I’m sure he needs to remember to breathe again too. Or rather, the reminder he can breathe now. They’re together. That’s all that matters.

James P made this even more lovely by reaching out for Draco back. So while Draco had his hand on Scorpius’s shoulder, Scorpius cupped Draco’s other elbow and held on for a while. That was really nice!

ACT FOUR, SCENE ELEVEN: DUELLING WITH DELPHI

So after Delphi has been stopped, everyone is stood either side of her with their wands pointed right at her. The fight is over but they don’t let their guard down. Now from the angle at which my seat was at, I got this wonderful view of Albus, Ginny, Harry, Scorpius, and Draco all stood in a line. They’re all stood rigidly with their wand arms up and perfectly straight. They look determined and ready. But then in the middle of the line up is Scorpius. He stood out today because his arm was relaxed and low. His wand was still pointed at Delphi but his stance was as far from threatening as you can get. Understandably really, given that the adults are in the room and the fact she’s restrained and he’s holding her wand. He doesn’t need to fight. But then as soon as Harry says he won’t kill her, everyone lowers their wands and relaxes and takes their eyes off Delphi. Everyone except Scorpius. His wand was still at waist height but it never wavered and remained directed at her. He never even looked away from her. I was on the edge of my seat. This is a Scorpius who could have easily hidden behind his father (Jonathan’s Scorpius), or been afraid to hold Delphi’s wand (Samuel’s Scorpius). But no, he points her wand straight back at her and never falters. He’s lived in the world she wants. He’s suffered through rumours she claims as an identity with pride. He’s seen what this wand has done. Yet he pulls all that together and stares her down. Afraid, but brave.

It’s not until the real Voldemort’s voice calls out that he breaks his concentration. He reacts to the danger by finally moving towards his dad. Although I have no doubt if he hadn’t then Draco would have gone to him.

ACT FOUR, SCENE FOURTEEN: CRUSHES

He said ‘smokey eyed potions professor’ in this croaky, elderly lady voice and held up his hands as if he was holding onto a zimmer frame and it was hilarious! Easily my favourite way I’ve ever seen someone do this line. By implying that the professor is that much older he’s actually taken this teasing to a whole other level and I love him for it.

After all, a teenage boy having a crush on a middle aged female teacher isn’t unusual. But the idea that Scorpius is winding Albus up about him fancying a pensioner is just too funny. I can just imagine the joy it brings Scorpius, getting to wind Albus up about this through potions class and beyond. Albus, torn between being the kind hearted boy that he is and helping her move the heavier cauldrons, and wishing she’d just for once use her wand because the look on Scorpius’s face when she tells him he’s a ‘very good young man’ is most definitely going to be parroted back to him for the next week in jokes. So thank you James for this. I shall enjoy imagining your Scorpius teasing him endlessly in the way only best friends can.

I so wish more of you could have seen him because my words could never do him justice. I have no doubt you all would have loved him. James was fantastic, and not only that, he reminded you of how much time and effort all the cast put into this show. Whether they have three hundred lines or whether they have three. James had this beautiful, fully formed character that he knew would probably never see the light of day. Yet he took him on this new journey and fleshed him out ready. I only really got into theatre because of Cursed Child so while I knew this was the case with all understudies/swings, actually seeing it from a second cover made me realise the true extent of it. There’s an immeasurable amount of talent in this cast and we barely scratch the surface with so many of them. I’m sad we won’t get to see this Scorpius again, but I’m excited to see where James goes in the future.

(Oh and just so you know, my Jonathan and Samuel comparisons are purely to help give you a better idea of what James was like. I’m not saying one is better than the other. Each interpretation is so different and I love all three of them! I just want to give you the clearest idea I can and this way is easier if you’ve seen the show and you’re already familiar with one or both of these actors.)

[365-money-diary]

Days 1-7

DAY ONE [JAN 1 2021]

8:00 AM - I’m back! It’s been a few years since I’ve done this and I thought it would be cool to try again. There are a lot of differences with COVID in my life – I mostly don’t leave the house and we [K and I - same boyfriend] are waiting for the vaccine before integrating back. 

10:00 AM - Grab a handful of chex mix, make a chemex, and zone out on the couch for a bit. It’s been a really slow week all around, but good. I’ve gotten a lot of cleaning stuff done and I’m hoping to wrap up my to-do list this weekend.

11:45 AM - Clean the kitchen and shoot black bean burgers for my recipe blog. I started this sometime in 2018 but really picked things up in 2019 and even more so with being home in 2020. I have a goal to turn this into a lucrative side gig by the time I have kids which won’t be for a few more years. 

2:30 PM - Burgs turn out great and photograph well too. K and I eat them with a side of chips and salsa and a seltzer.

4:30 PM - K, KP (dog), and I take a 1-mile walk. I do a Pure Barre livestream after. I’m doing the platinum challenge this year (15 classes x 12 months), so my first class of 180 is done! Hah. Decide I want to buy some stickers for the chart I made to track my classes so I buy a pack on Amazon. $7.44

6:30 PM - Make cauliflower rice for dinner with tofu. Put Mamafuku crunchy chili sauce on it that friends gifted us for Christamas. 

10:30 - Get a nasty text from my mom about refinancing my house. I want to put K on the title, but it turns out I will get taxed a gift since we are not married (yet!). Kind of annoying, but K and I decide to just wait until that happens. Also my parents suck with anything non-traditional and it is becoming a huge problem in our relationship.

DAY ONE TOTAL: $7.44

DAY TWO

9:30 AM - Make a chemex. Feeling a little off from last night and the way my mom seems to think she can step all over me. Watch Youtube [Dessert Person] and start to edit photos from yesterday.

12:00 PM - Make soyrizo tofu (for me) / egg (for K) scramble tacos for brunch. 

1:00 PM - Can’t decide on which color background is better for these burgers and after polling my friends one of them suggests and A/B test. The nerd in me is so down and I build the campaign in Facebook. Open a seltzer. $10

3:30 PM - Ride the Peloton for 10 minutes (Trying to integrate this more into my workouts - I love it, but I love barre more!) and then do a barre stream. I email the studio about the new warmup since I seem to have hurt my lower back from yesterday’s workout. 

5:00 PM - K is tired of finding my hair literally everywhere so we decide it’s time to cut it - I haven’t had a cut since December 2019. He chops off a good 6-8 inches. It looks ok! 

6:30 PM - Heat up leftover lasagna rolls and air fry some green beans for dinner. Eat a piece of peppermint bark while everything heats.

9:30 AM - Make a chemex. Feeling a little off from last night and the way my mom seems to think she can step all over me. Watch Youtube [Dessert Person] and start to edit photos from yesterday.

12:00 PM - Make soyrizo tofu (for me) / egg (for K) scramble tacos for brunch. 

1:00 PM - Can’t decide on which color background is better for these burgers and after polling my friends one of them suggests and A/B test. The nerd in me is so down and I build the campaign in Facebook. Open a seltzer. $10

3:30 PM - Ride the Peloton for 10 minutes (Trying to integrate this more into my workouts - I love it, but I love barre more!) and then do a barre stream. I email the studio about the new warmup since I seem to have hurt my lower back from yesterday’s workout. 

5:00 PM - K is tired of finding my hair literally everywhere so we decide it’s time to cut it - I haven’t had a cut since December 2019. He chops off a good 6-8 inches. It looks ok! 

6:30 PM - Heat up leftover lasagna rolls and air fry some green beans for dinner. Eat a piece of peppermint bark while everything heats.

8:00 PM - Pour myself a glass of rosé and rummage for snacks - eat a small handful of chex mix and some gf pretzel sticks. 

9:00 PM - Looks like yellow is winning the A/B test by about 2%! I build out the rest of the assets for the post so it’s ready to go first thing tomorrow.

DAY TWO TOTAL: $10

DAY THREE

9:30 AM - Chemex and a handful of chex mix. Turn on Raptors / Pelicans game from yesterday. Wrap up my black bean burger post and get it up into the interspace.

1:00 PM - Wow that took 100 years. I’m really trying to amp up my posting signal, and what normally takes 30 minutes took an hour. Blah. Need to get away from screens.

2:00 PM - Eat leftover black bean burgs for lunch with chips & salsa with a Polar seltzer. Set chairs up in the backyard. NY Friend is in town and he and Q are stopping by. Q paid me back the last of the ~$2k he owed me sometime last summer. We’ve remained very close and I don’t feel like our friendship has been affected by this transaction in a negative way!

5:15 PM - NYF & Q head out. Jump on a zoom with K’s family for a bit and then hop over to another one with some of my girlfriends. Pour a glass of rosé. 

8:00 PM - Watch the last two minutes of the Suns game (they lost). Need to eat. Heat up a Big Sur Breakfast Burrito for dinner with tortilla chips and truffle hot sauce. Check analytics on black bean burg it’s doing REALLY well. Yay!

9:30 PM - Make brine for ham seitan and check my fantasy teams (I’m in two NBA leagues). Both are on track to win this week!

DAY THREE TOTAL: $0

DAY FOUR

7:00 AM - Pure Barre weekly charge. $15

8:30 AM - Cue that They Might Be Giants Song, I Don’t Want to Go to Work. Pull on a pair of fitted sweats with an Everlane tee. Make a chemex and seitan ham dough. Open my computer and discover that Slack is down. Do some misc reddit things before returning to emails.

9:30 AM - KP barfs on the carpet. Gross. K helps me clean it up. Wash hands and toss seitan ham in the oven.

10:00 AM - Eat siggi’s plant-based yogurt for breakfast. This is by far the best vegan yogurt out there. 10/10 - vanilla is the best.

11:45 AM - My seitan exploded. Damn. It’ll still taste good but I hate when that happens! Eat a piece of rye toast.

12:45 PM - Eat a leftover lasagna rollup for lunch along with the last of the chex mix. Open a Polar seltzer.

4:30 PM - Here’s the part where you stop reading already because of generational wealth - Dad calls and says there was enough money in the family trust this year for every grandchild to get $5k and that he transferred the money into my account. This was a total surprise - we thought last year was supposed to be it. Always eternally grateful for all of the gifts my grandparents have given me over the years and 2021 is no exception. Check my account and see my stimulus also hit today. What a day to be alive. 

5:30 PM - Do a Pure Barre live stream, take a birdbath, and get ready for the grocery order. We order Instacart every 2.5 weeks and it’s always a production to wash and put everything away. In this order, we get frozen burritos, tofu, tortilla chips, riced broccoli, real cheese, vegan cheese, frozen corn, plant-based yogurt, cloves, low carb tortillas, bread, onions, scallions, bell peppers sauerkraut, pickles, relish, vegan butter, sprouts, bananas, basil, green beans, vegetable bouillon, chickpeas, oranges, romaine, grapes, clementines, black beans, vegan mayo, broccoli, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, thyme, rosemary, cauliflower, garlic, lemon, celery, cucumbers, limes, jalapenos, apples, horseradish, leeks, cilantro, marinara sauce, dark chocolate, frozen peas, olives, BBQ sauce, salsa, pepperoncinis, mustard, lasagna noodles, & lemon juice. $324.11

8:15 PM - Finish up seitan ham and roast potatoes to go with veggie sandwiches. We eat these at the start of every grocery run and they have Dave’s Killer Bread, Vegenaise, vegan cheese, seitan ham, cucumber, onions, red bell pepper, sprouts, romaine, and red wine vinegar. So delicious. Pour a rosé after dinner.

DAY FOUR TOTAL: $339.11

DAY FIVE

8:15 AM - Lay in bed thinking about the generosity of my grandparents. Decide to put $3k of the money into my investment account, $1k into HYSA, and put the last $1k off to the side for wardrobe improvements – I lost some weight last year and NONE of my clothes fit. I have 4 dresses that are work-appropriate and the rest - I gifted to friends and others in need. For the most part, I’m waiting until COVID winds down and I have to be in public again before buying much just in case my size changes again. 

9:00 AM - Chemex, banana and a clementine for breakfast. KP seems to be feeling better today. 

12:30 PM - Make K and I salads for lunch with romaine, cucumber, bell pepper, tomato, chickpeas, red onion, and cashew ranch. Open a Polar seltzer.

2:00 PM - Yard guy texts me and says he never got December’s payment. He says it’s totally chill but it’s absolutely not because he did a crap ton of work on our side yard. Pay him plus an extra $20 immediately and schedule something for the weekend so he can get the rest of the leaves out front. $180

3:00 PM - Last night I found the DDR subreddit and honestly couldn’t be more happy. I LOVED the game and still have my gear from middle school. I drop in the shed to find my mat and dust it off to use for later. Also eat a handful of gf pretzels. Venmo my old coworker for a joint bday present for another old coworker. $25.30

4:00 PM - Work is finally slow so I change into my exercise clothes early and do pure barre livestream. I make it through the entire workout uninterrupted and try DDR for the first time in a hot minute.

5:45 PM - That was SO fun. I played for 30 minutes. Did mostly songs on standard but had way better stamina than other times I’ve tried to pick it back up again when I’ve been extremely out of shape and couldn’t really keep up + light songs are boring so this was just a treat.

7:30 PM - Make leftover bean, rice and cheeze burritos for dinner with chips and homemade chile de arbol salsa. Drink a glass of wine after.

DAY FIVE TOTAL: $205.30

DAY SIX

8:50 AM - I slept through my alarm? Or turned it off. Weird. My butt is so sore today from yesterday’s workout. Make a chemex. Eat a banana.

10:00 AM - Have a call with a mortgage loan officer and give him the official green light to proceed with refinancing my house. Interest rates are so good right now. Shortening my loan by 4 years and mortgage will only go up by $20! Give the guy my card number to pay for the appraisal and credit check. Goodbye stimulus. $658.66

12:30 PM - K turns on the news to watch the Trumpers protest. I make a salad for myself for lunch and toss one for him in the fridge. Attend virtual therapy. Got some good things to think about and am energized after. Therapist doesn’t take insurance so this is OOP. $90

2:15 PM - Tune into the news. What a giant cluster. I don’t have much to add to the conversation. I’m disgusted but not surprised. Eat 2 clementines and a handful of gf pretzels.

5:30 PM - Do a barre livestream. Start to catch myself feeling a little wonky halfway through and make a nuun. Perk up after 5 minutes and finish strong.

7:00 PM - Make veggie sandwiches for dinner with miso butter broccoli. Watch the news for a while, finish a book about abusive partners (I grew up with a lot of abuse and still deal with it from family members who suck), pour a glass of rosé and eat a couple chocolate squares and a few sweedish fish.

12:30 AM - Fall asleep on the couch. At some point I wake up and sleepily eat a few mini pretzels on my way to the bedroom.

DAY SIX TOTAL - $748.66

DAY SEVEN 

8:50 AM - Sleep in again but this time on purpose. Make a chemex and eat a banana and two clementines for breakfast. Make an effort to drink water too.

10:00 AM - My back has been feeling really bumpy lately and I think I need to get that layer of bacteria off since my regular cleanser isn’t cutting it. Buy a bar of zinc soap from Amazon. $14.04

1:30 PM - Eat K’s salad from yesterday so it doesn’t go bad with a Polar seltzer. 

4:00 PM - Work has been wild today. Lots of calls. Good progress, but not so much for a major report I have due soon. Hopefully I’ll be able to finalize it tomorrow so it’s off my desk. Eat some grapes. 

5:30 PM - Ride the Peloton for 10 minutes and do a barre live stream. 

7:00 PM - Rinse off, do the dishes, roast potatoes in the oven, make the last of the black bean burgers for dinner. Spend the rest of the evening working on the header and footer templates for this project, reading Remain in Love, and watching NBA.

DAY SEVEN TOTAL: $14.04

[greetings-from-the-suffer-puppet]

age doesn’t matter.

I’m fifteen years old, and American. Next year, I will be eligible to get a learner’s driving permit, have a relationship with an eighteen-year-old, and go on testosterone. These are things where age is a deciding factor.

But those aren’t what this post is about.

This post is about what happened to me between the ages of nine and thirteen, because there’s this misconception that toxic relationships are dependent on age. 

I’m not talking about abuse. We’ve all heard of child abuse cases, we’ve all heard about poor living conditions. Those affect people of any age.

We hear about teenagers whose families are great and who live in good homes, but who end up in bad situations anyway - teenagers who are old enough to make their own, fully informed decisions. Not kids. Children are supposed to be protected from that. 

I was a child when I entered the relationship that has left me with permanent trust issues and triggered the upswing of my depression. I was nine. 

So was the girl that hurt me.

I don’t want to undermine the horror of domestic abuse or abusive relationships. That’s not what I’m telling this story for.

I’m telling this story because everyone assumes that an abuser has to be an adult, or at the very least a teenager. Thirteen-year-olds don’t go on the news for physically abusing their crush. Eleven-year-olds aren’t reported to the school administration for emotionally abusing a “friend”.

Except when they are.

This is a true story. I wish to any higher power that I was making this up, but I’m not. This has scarred me, and I’m going to carry the impact of what happened for the rest of my life.

I’m not putting this under a read-more, but I am putting warnings so you can decide for yourself whether to read on or not. 

Warnings for bullying, depression, self-loathing, mentions of self-harm/thinking about self-harm, suicidal thoughts, manipulation, toxic/unhealthy relationships, and... and emotional abuse. 

I’ve never called it that before. 

To the people who were involved, if any of them ever find this:

I haven’t forgiven you. I hope I never will. 

When I was nine years old, a new girl came to our school. I’m going to call her S. 

She had six outfits to her name that she wore in different combinations. She always smelled strange and even though we didn’t share classes, I knew she wasn’t terribly smart. As a whole, the sixty kids in my grade either ignored her or directly bullied her. 

I pitied her. So did my friend J. So, a few months into the school year, we made a deal to attempt to befriend her. 

We treated the idea like a job. Neither of us actually liked her - there were reasons no one wanted to be around her - but we pitied her and no one else was willing to make the effort, so we kept at it. 

And then J quit. Literally. She went up to me and said “I can’t. She’s so awful. I can’t do this anymore.”

The two of them hated each other’s guts for the next two and a half years.

I didn’t give up.

I should have. I really should have. But I was young and I still believed that people were mostly good. I still trusted that anyone I met on the street was more likely to greet me with a smile than a threat.

I kept talking to S. I kept hanging around with her. I listened to her. I sacrificed time with my real friends for her. 

All the school’s anti-bullying videos were circulating and I myself was watching my sister be invited to things I was passed over for. I was sympathetic. I wanted this girl to be helped, and it was clear that no one other than me was going to do it.

The summer came and passed, and I went back to school no wiser about the pit I was slowly sinking into.

I was ten years old, and suddenly S was in all of my classes. I no longer had an escape. 

My best friends were no longer in my classes. My sister had never once been in a class with me at that school. My only friends that year that I could still see on a daily basis were J - yes, the J who S considered her mortal enemy - and two other girls, mutual friends of J and I. We’ll call them N and E.

Every day, I went to school and S was there. Every lunch, she followed me. Every recess, she dogged my footsteps. Every bit of time I had to be with my real friends, she would try to steal.

At some point she handed me a tourist-shop shell. She’d written “FRIENDSHIP” on it in black Sharpie. 

“Keep this with you,” she told me. “It’s to show how good friends we are!”

I put it in my backpack. I never found it after that. When I told her I couldn’t find it, she yelled at me and pouted. I apologized again and again. She told me we were still friends, so I was forgiven. 

Please remember that I was ten. I didn’t see the red flags going up. I didn’t know what to look for.

Even now, five years later, I’m still going back over those memories and recognizing things I didn’t at the time. I had never even considered the creepiness of that shell until my cousin compared it to her experience with a stalker ex-boyfriend. Here, have this token of affection... and if you ever tarnish it, you’re tarnishing our relationship, and you need to beg for forgiveness.

My depression was kicking in. My self-loathing was at a new high. I was going home and taking stock of all the things in my house that could kill me. I was in no shape to fight back against what S was doing to me.

I didn’t even realize that I needed to.

Things got worse.

S and J never stopped being at odds. They had screaming matches, hurling insults at each other whenever the teachers weren’t around. I was constantly treated to barrages on the other whenever I was in earshot of one of them. They’d fight, and it would fall to me to mediate.

It wasn’t an easy choice to make on who to support, though. J wasn’t a good person either. She was selfish and bossy and cruel; she was all the worst parts of becoming a teenage girl in a five-foot three-inch package. (Of course, the height absolutely lessened my intimidation of her. Of course. Not like she was the only girl taller than me in our grade, or that she’d taken scissors to my favorite shirt the year before without my permission, while I was wearing the shirt. Not like she was constantly demanding attention or insulting other friends. Not like she looked down her nose at me whenever I wanted to read something she didn’t like.) In fact, at some point during that year I and N confronted J about her behavior, essentially saying “You’re being awful and we’re not going to be your friend until you get your crap together”. (E, who’d never liked the drama, lurked quietly behind us.) 

I really was stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

It wasn’t an easy choice. S was clingy and off-putting, but J was arrogant and shallow. But J had N and E on her side - girls who had their flaws, but were leagues better than my other options - and so when it came down to it, I was on her side.

I think that made S more angry. It makes me wonder if she’d have still done what she had, if I’d come down on her side more often.

At some point that year, I did something immensely stupid.

The school had an event, and I met S’s mom for the first time. S wasn’t there, but my sister and my mother were.

We got to talking about S. S had told her mother about me, of course. I was still the only friend she had - sure, my sister and her friends were kind to S, but they were kind to everyone - and she was clearly excited as hell to have me.

“Your daughter’s kinda clingy,” I said, ten years old and buzzed on sugar and feelings things I didn’t understand. “Like... she goes way overboard. I get that I’m the only friend she has to talk to, but it’s... it’s a lot, you know? I wish she’d lay off a little. I barely have any time to spend with my other friends.”

My sister and mother acted like I was crazy for saying that to S’s mom. I’m not going to say they were wrong. 

S approached me the next day. “My mom said you told her I was clingy? That you wanted me to leave you alone! I know she’s lying. She lies all the time. You didn’t say that, right?”

“No, I didn’t,” I said. (I still wonder what might have happened if I’d told her the truth.)

“I knew she was lying,” S said. She was smiling at me. I could see my friends behind her across the playground. 

“Uh-huh,” I said.

I didn’t know what I was doing at the time. I was ten. The only ten-year-olds who learn these things are the ones who come to school with bruises.

I know what I was doing now, five years on.

My mother had set up meetings with one of the teachers at the school to talk about the situation with S and J. It helped to talk, but nothing changed.

I’d told my sister and my mother and to other friends. Mom could only be there at home, and my sister and friends were in other classes. They couldn’t help me. 

The school had done nothing. My family couldn’t do anything. My friends couldn’t - or wouldn’t - do anything, either.

I was reaching out to the only source I had left: the mother of the child causing my problems. Deep down, below conscious thought, I knew that if I could get S’s mother to take my side, her daughter would have to leave me alone. 

But that’s not how it went. S’s mom didn’t take my side, and I didn’t stand up to S by telling her the truth.

So it went on.

That summer was the summer I discovered fanfiction.

Suddenly, the internet exploded with possibilities. Suddenly, I could hide from my problems by diving into interpretations of my favorite fictional characters. 

Fanfiction was one of three main escapes I had from S and J that year.

The other two were special school programs. AMP picked a few kids from sixth grade who passed their tests and dropped them into a middle-school class on Pre-Algebra, skipping sixth-grade math entirely. TAG piled a dozen kids from various schools into a bus every other day and sent them to another school for a few hours to explore other aspects of education.

S was in my classes again, but that didn’t matter. I was only in school half the time, and even then, we were on different levels of the curriculum. I had to see her often, but she rarely had the time to speak with me.

My best friends - my real friends - were in my classes again too. A couple were even in AMP and TAG with me as well. 

Sixth grade was off to a far better start.

S realized she was losing me, I think.

I wasn’t quiet about the fact that I was going to a private school for the next chunk of my schooling. After this year, I was never going to see S again. 

She was louder that year. She yelled at J more. She got into more fights.

I kept pulling away. I wasn’t out of the pit yet, but I’d been thrown a rope and a whole bunch of people were pulling me up.

The final straw came in the spring. It seems so small and petty, now, as a teenager who’s seen how terrible humanity can be, but S writing “I hate [best friend’s name]” was the cruellest thing I’d ever seen her do.

She could do what she wanted to me, and I’d take it. But insult my friend, and I was done. 

I stopped approaching her (not that I’d had to since fourth grade; she always barreled toward me whenever she saw me). I stopped talking to her. 

(I started pulling back from J, too. I was tired of friends that weren’t worth my effort.)

That left S standing at a crossroads.

She could accept the inevitability of change - we were going separate paths and she’d crossed a line I couldn’t forgive her for - or...

Or she could cling harder, and cross a line so extreme that I’d never considered the necessity of drawing it. 

Every year, a pair of jugglers performed at my school. The graduating sixth graders (eleven-year-olds) would perform as well. I finished my act, went offstage, and circled around the auditorium to stand in the back and watch my friends perform.

I don’t know where S came from. She was just... there, suddenly, next to me, grabbing my arm.

“Can you come to the bathroom with me? There’s something I need to tell you.”

I don’t know why I said yes. I shouldn’t have said yes. I should have pulled away and walked away and left her there. 

But I didn’t. I said, “Okay,” and followed her into the girls’ bathroom.

Five years on, I believe that I wasn’t really thinking that night. If I’d been firing on all cylinders, I wouldn’t have done what I did. I wouldn’t have gone along with her and I would have recognized the marks for what they were and I would have fucking left without spilling my soul out to someone taking advantage of me.

But I was tired and jittery from my performance, and I’d had a lot of candy, and I was feeling like being kind. 

(And people wonder why I’m the cynical, sarcastic twin. What the hell has kindness gotten me in the past few years?)

She pulled up her sleeve and said “I’m cutting myself.”

She didn’t warn me. She didn’t say it shamefully or tearfully or like a challenge. She said it... bluntly. A fact. 

(It wasn’t a fact.)

It wasn’t a cut she showed me. It wasn’t even a damned scar.

It was a bruise.

For gods’ sakes, it was a bruise. I was eleven, not four, I knew the difference between a bruise and a cut, but - 

...but I believed her. 

I don’t know why. There is no explanation I can offer you for how my brain accepted her bald-faced untruth. 

If that was all that happened in that bathroom, I might have been okay. Shaken and startled, yes, but the therapy I’ve been attending for the past year and a half could have dealt with the aftershocks of that moment.

But that wasn’t all that happened in that bathroom.

I’d been dealing with my depression for two years by then, entirely by myself. Never once had I told anyone about the voice in my head that constantly told me all the ways I was a bad person, or the sometimes urge to take one of the knives from our butcher block and find out how much pressure it would take to split my skin, or the list of ways to die that ran through my mind on days I’d done badly in school.

Abruptly faced with someone whom I believed to experience the same thing, how could I keep quiet?

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“I promise.”

I came home. Went to bed. Went to school. Went to TAG. Tried not to cry on the bus home. Got off the bus and fell into my mom’s arms, sobbing out the (edited) story of what happened that night. 

(My mom wouldn’t know about my depression for another two years.)

My mom called the school. In another week or two, I was called to the principal’s office for the first time in my life.

I stood up from my desk with the classroom gaping at me in shock. I walked out without a word or a backwards glance.

The principal said a whole lot of words in that meeting.

Most of them don’t matter.

The only thing that matters was the point of the meeting, the message she rambled over in sentence upon sentence instead of the four words she could have used.

“S lied to you.”

She was eleven. So was I.

She was so desperate to keep me by her side that she’d shown me a bruise she’d gotten from falling off her bed and told me it was a self-inflicted wound. 

She was so desperate to keep me hers that she claimed to be doing one of the most horrific things someone can do to themself, and managed to pick the one thing that would resonate with me the most.

She’d figured out by then that it was pity that kept me with her. What better than self-harm to induce pity?

For so long, that was what I focused on taking away from this. The betrayal. The lie. The desperate clinginess - damn near bordering on obsession - that made me feel like a favorite doll instead of a person.

But my trust and my faith in people weren’t the only things that S ruined that night. 

For the first time in my life, I had told someone about the darkest parts of me. For the first time in my life, someone knew about the voice in my head and the pit in my stomach.

And it was someone who didn’t deserve my secrets.

I did my best to avoid S after that.

She kept approaching me, though.

She never once apologized. All she ever said about the matter was “Why did you tell?! You promised you wouldn’t tell!”

I graduated. I never saw S again.

But that’s not the end, because with my luck, of course I run into the same kind of shameless manipulator two years later in my new school.

[rvinsounds]

– just right in which sinhwa pisses jess off entirely by not doing anything but by being his oblivious self and she has to step in to make sure #sinmei happens before she graduates 

a/n: this became so much more crack and so much more me than was originally intended but it’s Fine. lots of sinmei, a tiny bomsica moment and a smidge of naeun. i have a headcanon that chanuk would never let feelings just sit there once he realized them and would just tell ara that he liked her, so there’s the tiniest arichan moment i’m so sorry. 

honestly, it’s so obvious that it hurts. literally.

jess groans from where she’s attempting to study with nadine and saebom, slamming her forehead into the wooden surface of the desk, after watching as sinhwa and megan talk to each other on the other side of the study hall. they somehow managed to get all of their schedules to line up so they got to sit together for this period. her friends are all worried about their OWLs and she’s been teasing them about not having to do them until next year. she doesn’t really have any obligations to work during this period, as she likes to remind them by pulling out whichever muggle novel she was currently reading during it, and burying her nose in it until she gets distracted by something else. though, she somewhat regrets it now since she’s literally spent the entire period watching the hufflepuff and the ravenclaw flirt instead of doing her potions paper.

“how doesn’t he see it? how? everyone and their mother can see they like each other! hell, everyone’s grandparents are probably rolling in their graves because they won’t fucking date already.”

she lets out another long, agonized groan, though whether it’s from their friends being extremely obvious about their feelings or from her slowly reddening forehead is unclear.

“is she okay?” saebom finally asks nadine, leaning over and watching his fellow slytherin with wide eyes.

nadine shrugs, pulling out a charmed container filled with popcorn and popping a handful into her mouth. “yeah, she’s okay. probably.”

–

being as close-knit as they were, they all knew that the ravenclaw of their crew of four had a very big crush on the hufflepuff she had been talking to during the study period. arazely had sat through a good half hour of jess’s complaining before interrupting.

“seungyeonnie says that sinhwa oppa talks about her a lot too,” she shrugs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before glancing around at her friends. “more than he talks about spongebob nowadays.”

jess gives a loud gasp, and it’s obvious the slytherin’s brain’s gears are whirring to life in her brain after probably having lost some brain cells from banging her head on her textbook just moments before. she glances at the ravenclaw sitting next to her, narrowing her eyes as if she’s analyzing a bunch of things at a time. they’re sitting in the kitchens, thanks to arazely’s knowledge of the entrance of it due to walking past it everyday, and jess picks up another pastry from the giant plate in the middle between the four of them. it’s a moment of silence between them before she nods to herself, apparently keeping whatever revelation she had come to to herself for now. her friends look at her, curious, though they don’t pry, knowing she’ll tell them eventually. or they’ll watch it unfold.

(like how they watch the pranks unfold.)

“you know,” she says, biting into it and licking cream from her finger afterwards. “if you guys don’t get together soon, i’m going to end up giving myself a concussion.”

–

so goes the plan. operation-get-sinhwa-to-realize-his-feelings-for-megan-or-so-god-help-me as jess had so eloquently dubbed it. it’s spread throughout their friendship group and they recruit a number of people who aren’t part of them but are their friends, or have heard of the cause and want to help it because they’re also sick and tired of seeing the two not be together.

(“see?” jess had exclaimed, high-fiving everyone. “it’s not just me that’s pissed off about this.”

“you’re the only one banging your head on things though.”

“shut the fuck up, saebom.”)

plan a is to just leave them somewhere while the rest of them dip and hang out elsewhere and hope that being left alone together works out, somehow. it’s not a very deliberate nor thought out plan but that’s why it’s the first one. it’s the simplest one and the easiest to execute, and if everything works out, they don’t have to put in more effort on the harder plans.

it’s perfect because it’s a hogsmeade weekend this weekend and the ten of them were already planning to go together. and it’s even more perfect because they almost always split off into different groups to go to different places anyway but this time they just have to make sure they split off into the proper ones.

it wouldn’t be hard, not when they almost always did this anyway.

their group of ten head down the snowy, cobblestone path towards hogsmeade, laughing all the while and they’re all having a great time despite the biting cold. they reach the wizarding village after no time at all and they all stand there for a moment, staring down the many different paths they could take. they all know of The Plan of course, but for the sake of Not Being Obvious, they all stall for a while as they deliberate over where to go first.

“you know what, let’s just split – we’ll meet back up at the three broomsticks for some butterbeer in an hour, aight?” jess finally grits out, as if annoyed as everyone’s indecisive asses. (which is hilarious, because it’s usually her that takes the longest to decide on what she wants to do, her libra ass.)

“me and nadine are gonna go to zonko’s – we need more dungbombs,” she chirps happily, linking arms with the gryffindor girl as she flicks her slytherin scarf over her shoulder before steering her away from their group of friends, the both of them saluting. “see ya!”

and then there were eight. six too many for the plan to work out.

“uh …” chanuk starts, glancing at seungyeon and they exchange a glance before he breaks off, mumbling something about sugar quills and starting off in the direction of honeydukes with the younger ravenclaw. the slytherin pauses in his steps before his arm shoots out and he grabs arazely by the sleeve of her winter cloak, tugging her along with him and seungyeon without allowing her room or time to protest. not that she would, probably, considering it was chanuk who had dragged her with him. and seungyeon was her best friend too. there was Nothing Suspicious about this at all. especially not to sinhwa, who was still oblivious as ever. he was actually glancing at the people who remained, as if waiting for them all to also pair off as well.

(megan, of course, had figured out what was going on already. she, unlike sinhwa, was partially in on the plan though she was nervous now, not entirely sure of what she would do whilst alone with the oldest hufflepuff.)

and now there were five. megan glances at the other three boys, raising an eyebrow for them to get a move on. by the way they were standing there awkwardly, none of them were too sure about how to proceed. minseok has to nudge euncheol – who seemed, for some odd reason, to be the spokesperson between the three of them – before the younger gryffindor remembers he’s supposed to say something just about right now.

“we’re uh, gonna –” euncheol pauses, licking at his suddenly dry lips as he glances up at saebom for help.

“zonko’s –” saebom offers helpfully.

“nadine –” euncheol starts again, pausing again.

“jess –” saebom interjects.

“can’t let them spend too much –”

“yeah ..” saebom finishes euncheol’s stuttering with his own, both of them looking uncomfortable but also rather relieved at being able to follow after their crushes without it being too obvious. (little did they know, it still was.)

minseok snorts, throwing his arms over his friend’s shoulders and glancing back over his own towards the last two left. “see you guys later – i’m going to make sure these two don’t pine for too long.” that results in hits from either side, though he just laughs good-naturedly. he keeps his arms around the two of them anyway, saebom slinking down slightly to accommodate this, obviously still not used to his sudden growth spurt over the summer. they chatter happily, not as awkward now that they had established that they were going somewhere and were fully actually planning to go also stock up on tricks and things from zonko’s.

and, finally, there were two.

“so … now there are two,” sinhwa laughs softly, amused at their friends’ antics before he turns to the only person left, his expression very kind. “are you going too?” he asks, sounding not at all bothered to be the only one left if she really did have some other place to be, rather than with him.

her expression is surprised – mostly because how had he not realized why everyone had left when euncheol and saebom had been so horribly obvious about it? – before she realizes who she's dealing with here. she sighs a bit, wondering why on earth she had had to have a crush on the most oblivious person in the world.

she guesses it’s part of his charm.

“no,” megan smiles, nudging him and nodding her head towards the path in front of them. “let’s go and kill some time before we meet up with everyone again!”

–

when they all reunite in front of the three broomsticks, it’s obvious that nothing’s progressed much from when they had parted and jess can’t help but sigh dramatically and throw her arms up in the air. she punches saebom in the arm – to great protest from the older slytherin – “you should’ve let me buy the stupid exploding candies so i could throw them at him right now!” before stomping into the tavern, dragging him after her.

the others stare after the two slytherins, before they shrug and they step inside as well, sinhwa as bewildered as ever.

“why does she want to throw exploding candies at me?”

“… don’t worry about it hyung. let’s just get some butterbeer to warm up.”

the second oldest still looks rather confused, but instead of questioning anything too much, he nods and tugs his earmuffs off, stepping into the three broomsticks with the rest of their group, joining the two older slytherins at a large, round table with butterbeer set at every spot already. it seems, the matter of trying to set sinhwa and megan up, has been postponed for today.

there was always plan b, anyway.

–

“hey hyung.”

“yeah?”

“do you like anyone?”

“um.”

“i mean, we all know, but i need to know if you know.”

“…”

–

they’re laughing, heads held close together as they look at something in a textbook and jess groans as she watches them from a few tables over.

“i’m going to kill them,” she mutters, crumpling up a piece of paper. “both of them. i’m on plan e. fucking e. this is stupid.”

“but if you do that, they’re never going to get together,” arazely points out, blinking at the slytherin with her eyebrows raised. “isn’t that the whole point of this?”

“fuck,” she groans, slumping over her books, defeated. “i’m going to kill myself. i can’t stand this anymore. what if i just tell him. would that end my misery?”

saebom glances at her, his expression pondering. they all turn to watch as sinhwa laughs aloud, clapping his hands together before he covers his mouth to hide the wide grin on his lips. obviously, they have no idea what the two are talking about but it’s obvious to literally the entire world probably, that they’re meant to be together.

“‘you know, that might actually work though.”

“what, going up to sina oppa and telling him to just ask mei out?”

“yeah? mei isn’t going to confess to him anytime soon, and he’s already admitted to liking her. i think he’s just happy to be able to be friends with her, so he’s not taking it further.”

“ugh,” jess groans again, glancing back to where sinhwa and megan were chatting quietly, looking completely, fucking enamoured with each other and so goddamn in love that she swears she’s going to throw up if they don’t fucking date soon.

“fuck it. okay. fuck plan e. the new plan e is i’m gonna tell him, i can’t stand this anymore.”

–

she corners him one day, finding him alone in the courtyard for some reason. “sina oppa,” jess greets the hufflepuff, waving at him. despite how she usually is, she can’t actually bring herself to yell at him like she wants to. despite really, really, really wanting to. he’s been causing the past couple months of her suffering from the sole fact that he was so oblivious to everything. but she can’t even bring herself to raise her voice at him.

he’s too goddamn nice. and hufflepuff-y. it would probably bring her years of pain and suffering if she was mean to him or something, karma and all that. it’s the same reason why she can’t be mean to arazely, even though the younger girl threatens her with a broom all the time … but that’s another story.

“hey jess ~” he greets her back, straightening up and dusting his hands from … whatever he was doing. if she had looked closer, it would seem like he had been feeding some sort of … animal, or something. but she wasn’t concerned about that right now.

so she settles for a Stern Voice.

“i know you like mei. and she likes you too. literally everyone and their mother knows this. everyone’s grandmother probably knows this. dumbledore probably knows this from beyond the grave, or wherever it is dead people go if they don’t return as ghosts, and the whole shebang. so can you please do me a favour before i actually give myself a concussion from hitting my head on the nearest surface every time you guys flirt. seriously, i almost passed out last time. i need these brain cells for my OWLs next year – honestly, give a girl a break.”

the hufflepuff lets her talk, his expression surprised as she rambles but he actually lets her finish, surprisingly considering the random things she started talking about.

“anyways, please just ask her out already. do me a favour and do it soon.”

he gapes for a moment before he closes his mouth, watching her and at a raise of one of her eyebrows, sinhwa just chuckles a little bit, looking just the right amount of sheepish.

“okay, got it.”

–

the next time they go out for a hogsmeade weekend, it’s a bit warmer. it’s not quite spring, but it’s better than the biting cold of the winter air. they’re standing with the rest of their friends, waiting for megan and sinhwa to join them. arazely is teasing seungyeon about some crush he had, chanuk joining in easily and they’re all laughing as they wait. euncheol is discussing something very in depth with nadine and minseok, and saebom keeps glancing over at them, wondering who the unfortunate soul who was about to be the victim of a prank was. there’s still frost on the sidewalk and jess can’t help but hide behind saebom’s much larger frame for warmth and protection from the wind that was blowing harshly still, every couple minutes.

“the only perk of you being so tall,” she mumbles, huddling into herself and wishing she had brought her scarf.

“maybe you should dress warmer next time,” saebom points out, having been spending the last couple minutes moving out of the way every time she tried to use him as a shield for the wind, laughing at her before he pauses in the middle of unwrapping his scarf from around his neck to stare at the side entrance of the castle. “wait – did you – it worked?”

“what are you –” she glances up too, before her eyes almost bulge out of their sockets at the sight before her.

sinhwa and megan had walked towards them, together as usual. but what was unusual was the sole fact that they were holding hands.

she stares for a moment, glancing at her friends who had all fallen quiet as they also took in the glorious sight. she doesn’t even process the warm scarf around her neck, before she gives a large whoop and punches a fist into the air.

it seems that that’s all that’s needed before everyone joins in with the cheers, seungyeon hurrying forward to congratulate the new couple, minseok joining him by completely messing up sinhwa’s hair. they all crowd around them, cheering and screaming and making a complete ruckus.

there’s even confetti – though no one is sure who conjured that. it just seems appropriate. everyone is grinning, and high-fiving and the eldest hufflepuff and ravenclaw both just look very embarrassed but happy.

“fucking finally.”