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#i didn't PLAN for any of this I didn't plan for COLLEGE
tra1nchi · 1 day
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can
can I eat your posts
and request power bottom incubus reader...
My posts are made with toxic chemicals!! >□<,,MINORS DNI!! Dom/Bttm male,, collar and leash,,Somnophilia
He was so lonely,,college was such a bore and he was never ever invited to any parties!! Always hearing about them through his loose acquaintances,,being so jealous that everyone else was having fun!!
Immediately taking up the offer at the first time he got an invited to a party!! Not caring that it was from the occult club and only extremely ecstatic at the prospect of going!!
Ignoring how sketchy the party was and only going to have a good time,,completely disregarding the whole summoning circle once he got drunk enough!! It was probably some weird occult thing!!
Finding a cute guy during the party!! You didn't seem to stop cligning onto his arm while the other partygoers were fascinated and giggling knowingly at what you were!! >□<
Bringing you back to his dorm and allowing you in his bed,, not having any idea of what your plans were!! Waking up from his drunken stupor slowly in the morning with a soft groan!!
Only to find you bouncing yourself up and down his cock!! What he didn't notice when he was intoxicated was that you had horns growing out of your head and small batlike wings!! Letting out a noise before your hand muffled it tightly!!
He chocked as you suddenly pulled on something around his neck!! You out a damned collar and leash around him while he was sleeping!! He gasped for air as he felt you move faster!!
His hands.moved up to grip tightly onto your horns,, pulling you down to force his cock deeper as he finally managed to cum inside of you!! His eyes rolled back in complete pleasure!! He had no idea that a mark on his neck slowly came into view!!
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alottiegoingon · 2 days
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who's afraid of virginia woolf?
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jackie taylor x fem!reader
summary: the one where you and jackie secretly love each other while struggling with your sexuality.
warnings: jackie and reader are best friends, everyone is 21+, alcohol, heavy mentions of r and j dealing with their sexuality, homophobia mentions?, lesbians in denial, angst but fluff and happy ending, not proofread, slightly based on good luck, babe by chappell roan!!
making plans of going to college together became a regular thing when you and jackie entered high school. it was only natural that the two of you shared the typical teenager dream of living with your best friend and being roomates in uni, ditching classes and getting drunk instead of studying for exams.
"hey, don't worry." jackie tried to comfort you when you got a terrible score at your finals in senior year. she was fidgeting with the heart necklace she wore on her neck, gently spinning it around between her fingers.
regardless her impressive and actually sad capacity to pretend to be just a silly popular girl with pretty face and shiny hair, jackie was actually smart. you knew that all that effort to act all clueless and giggly around weird teenage boys in high school was fake. you never saw jackie studying during the weekends but, somehow, she would always get the perfect grade but would be the first one to hide it from boys. everyone knew that being too smart was bad. boys would easily get intimidated and that wasn't good for jackie taylor.
"we are gonna get through this together. i promise. i'll help you." jackie gives you that same old sweet looking smile that always get you freaking out inside while putting on your best show to act casual.
one more thing about jackie taylor; she had your heart in the palm of her hands since you two met. you weren't certain about how your friendship actually started, but you were sure that it was almost instantly.
jackie was actually quite popular by the age of eleven. she had the charisma of those late night show hosts you used to watch on tv with your parents, the prettiest and softest hair ever and a sweet perfume that would ling around for days.
jackie was also a natural leader. if any kid needed to complain about a classmate stealing their favorite glitter pen or their favorite sticker, jackie would be in charge of comforting them and helping them with whatever they needed. it wasn't rare for the teachers to have a talk with her after class to compliment her for being such a role model. everyone loved jackie.
you loved jackie, maybe too much.
it didn’t take long for you to realize that. you had the worst time of your life every single day while having lunch in the cafeteria with jackie and other girls from your class. you felt like ripping your ears off when all they could talk about was boys. they weren't even being discreet about it, you thought at yourself as you watched them stare at a couple of losers that were treated like gods with their weird stiff hair full of gel and a mustache that consisted on a tiny clump of facial hair.
while every girl at your table was so mesmerized by them, dreaming about how their lives would be so perfect if they ever liked them back, you were captivated by someone else; jackie.
you could watch her for hours, even if she was too busy looking at boys. you would think that her hazel eyes were even prettier that day, but that was a daily thing. you loved to hear her voice and to see her big beautiful smile adorning her face when she was excited about something and, with her, you didn't mind hearing about boys.
eventually, you and jackie got to live the dream. sharing a small bedroom with your best friend would sound like heaven to any girl but to you, it could be scary as well.
not only you were going to see her face every second at the day but it would also be hard to hear her constant speech about how you had to be more friendly and outgoing and stop studying so much. in another words, she wanted you to date guys.
that was a common debate between you two in high school. her persistent need to find the perfect boyfriend for you even though you were always ready to deny it. maybe she was trying to get rid of you?
"come onnn! all you do is study. remember last year when i had to drag you to mari's birthday party and you spent the whole night hidden in the corner?" jackie made fun of you during your first night together while doing her usual skin care routine.
even with her hair pulled back by a headband and with her face covered in cream, she looked fucking stunning.
"i wasn't hiding! i was just watching everyone from a safe distance..."
"that's actually worse." she giggled. you watch her leave the bathroom with a face mask and wearing nothing but a soft robe that had you on your knees.
“i’m not telling you to go crazy. all i’m saying is that you need to relax, okay?”
you weren’t exactly proud of it but you had to admit that is was too hard to focus on anything else besides her. it was impossible to deny her anything anyway but now? you were in tight shoes.
you could already feel your face heating up while you stood there like a coward with eyes growing wide and fighting for your life to not drool over your straight best friend.
“so? what do you think?” she insists, giving you an impatient glance.
“yes.” you immediately said the first thing that popped into your head.
“what?” you watch jackie’s eyebrows knitting.
“i-i mean, yes! i agree. i should relax more.” you trip over your own words but, thankfully, jackie didn’t seem to notice. maybe you were just stressed with the entire change of routine.
“great! we can start tomorrow!” she clapped her hands excitedly as her smile grew from one ear to another, probably surprised and relieved that you didn’t disagree this time.
[📚]
the first weeks weren’t nearly as good as you thought they would be. you managed to make some friends and actually met nice people, but so did jackie.
every friday night was a new suffocating experience. after a long week, jackie would drag you to the closest bar that most of the students would go to and, for the first half of the night, her duty was to play the matchmaker.
ever since you had agreed with her that night, you would force yourself to look happy in front of jackie at every god damn time she introduced you to a guy.
“i think you have so much in common!” she would say to all of the men before giving you a wink and leaving you two alone in a noisy bar, disappearing into the drunk pool of people.
it was always awkward and uncomfortable, of course. some of the guys ended up being actually acceptable and some were even sweet. but no matter how hard you tried to focus on the conversation, you would eventually find yourself looking for jackie in the crowd just to get your heart shattered by the view of a drunk jackie taylor with her pretty dress, messy hair, and with one of her hands tightly wrapped around the heart shaped necklace, eagerly kissing a stranger.
seeing this at pretty much every friday night didn’t make your daily need to fight against your feelings the easiest. you were drowning so deeply into your own thoughts that, one day, you woke up decided to forget about it.
maybe all of that was just a phase. you didn’t have feelings for your best friend and you definitely didn’t feel like throwing up every time you saw a boy since you were a kid. and, obviously, you wouldn’t fail biology or calculus on purpose just to be tutored by jackie so you could spend even more time with her and listen to her voice.
and absolutely, without a doubt, you weren’t scared of the big bad wolf called truth banging on your door and calling you a wimpy liar.
fuck.
[📚]
everyone know that famous saying “you are what you eat”, but what about you are what you desire?
jackie stopped complaining about you being stuck on your dorm studying on a friday night or during the weekends cause you stopped doing it. now, she wasn’t the only one to frequently visit the closest bar.
most of the time, you were the one to invite her first and at that point, it became a tradition.
you and jackie had different classes during the day and would barely spend any time together until you two met again at night. you, too scared to even look at her, would find an excuse to sleep early or spend the night at some random guy’s dorm that you met the other night. spoiler alert; you didn’t even remember his name.
you noticed the visible disappointment in jackie’s eyes and how deeply hurt she seemed every time you left, too desperate to silence your own thoughts and numb your feelings with good old alcohol.
during the bar nights that you two shared, jackie wasn’t as energetic as before. sometimes, while feeling like you were kissing a fish as your lips awkwardly melded with some other guy’s, you would open your eyes right in the middle of it to find jackie on the other side of the bar, sitting by herself with a filled glass of something strong.
you felt sick to your stomach at the idea of being touched by anyone else except for her, especially a man. but it was worth it if it meant that you could forget her entire existence for the night and wake up at someone else’s bed in the morning (and probably be late for class).
the year was flying by and everything stayed the same, except that the two of you didn’t share a word for the past few months and you avoided each other at all costs.
“i was wondering that, maybe now that finals are over, we could-“
“sorry, i got plans with travis. i’ll see you later!” jackie said while rushing to the door of your shared dormitory. you were a liar but so was she. you knew that “later” was a synonym to “tomorrow if you’re lucky”.
and just like that, everyday was the day to hear a different name. kevin, josh, steve, randy, sam. you even thought about making a list with all those names. you tried to leave the dorm during that nights as well but you were too worried about her safety. it would be much better to just wait for her and pretend to be asleep when the door opens.
you couldn’t blame her, you were the one who started it.
[📚]
in a typical night at the bar, you feel a stranger’s arm wrapped around your waist. you were already dizzy thanks to the couple of shots you took and could barely feel your mouth attached to his. however, you were kind of thankful for that.
jackie wasn’t in a very different situation but she knew how to be pettier than you. she knew you and how you were acting for the past months. how you would look for her with the corner of your eyes just to make sure that she was okay or not too drunk.
you weren’t the most cautious person, jackie perceived your multiple stares and she would make the best of it. while having your attention, she was hiding behind her best mask and flirting with the first man she saw. it was the performance of her life, consisting of a fake smile followed by a loud and high pitched giggle and an exaggerated hair twirling.
you, watching from across the room, felt your blood boil as your hands curl into fists. how dare jackie to do this right in front of you? didn’t she know how badly you wanted her?
retaliating her behavior, you would mimic her actions just to get under her skin. until it worked too well.
you carefully watched jackie leave the bar in quick steps and your first idea was to ignore her. she started the entire jealous thing and she was being childish. but so were you.
you immediately ditched the person who you were talking to and placed the shot glass on the wooden table so you could follow her.
you immediately stopped walking as soon as you put your feet outside, finding her sitting on the sidewalk. you would usually approach her in seconds, ready to go for a hug, but neither of you were in proper speaking terms now.
cautiously, you get closer. she doesn’t look up to meet you but you know that she can feel you there. you sit by her side and hug your legs. the silence gets so loud that you would be able to hear crickets if it wasn’t for the muffled noise coming from the bar.
“what happened to us?” jackie’s breathy and insecure voice finally breaks through the silence after a while.
you finally feel brave enough to look at her. not just look, to see her. to acknowledge her presence. to not ignore her.
“i don’t know.” you whisper. but you did.
“are we even friends?”
“we used to be best friends.” she looks at you and, for the first time in what felt like forever, you could see all of the details in her face again. of course, she was prettier than you could remember.
“you remember when you gave me this?” jackie grabs the shiny heart pendant, rubbing it between her fingertips. there was a small hint of a smile trying to make its way to her lips.
“yeah. you were scared to try for the soccer team.”
“scared? i was terrified.” she adds and you let a whispery chuckle out. “i couldn’t sleep for days, thinking if i would be good enough to even make it to the bench.”
“you gave me this before the first trial and said that if i was feeling too scared, i could squeeze it and it would be just like holding your hand.”
“i guess it worked, right?” you try to lighten the mood, lips curling up into a subtle smirk. jackie ended up being part of the team and, over time, the team captain.
she nods in silence.
“i didn’t even like soccer.”
“what? but you were so good. why did you join the team?” your eyes narrow as you speak and your heart starts to beat faster when jackie takes longer to say something.
“you were part of the team. i wanted to be around you.”
you find yourself looking away from her to hide the sudden heat and the pinkish tone of your cheeks. jackie went through a stressful week that year, practicing and learning the basics without actually liking it just because of you.
the sound of your voices is replaced by a loud nothing once again. the air was growing thicker and even the slightest touch of your shoulders accidentally brushing against each other was a reason to make you unconsciously hold your breath.
“i think i’m a lesbian.” your feel yourself getting struck by a sharp surge of disbelief and in a blink of an eye, she has your attention again. you feel the palm of your hands getting sweaty, going against the cold weather.
“what? why?” you manage to say a few words and, if it wasn’t for the delicate moment, jackie would have laughed at your frantic gaze.
“because.” jackie sighs, not being able to stop playing with the heart hanging on her neck. “i felt absolutely nothing when i had to pretend to care about boys in middle school but i felt the entire world when you were looking at me.”
not only she knew that you were always staring at her in the cafeteria but she liked it. she liked having your attention.
“you were never good at hiding it, by the way.” she snorts but you were sure that she was just as nervous as you.
“i thought i was pretty good…” you whisper, grinning. she was absolutely right, though.
“really? i found a biology test of yours hidden under your bed once. you were even better than me but you said that you were failing it and needed help.” the red color on your face gets more intense as you share a loud laugh. your hands momentarily cover your face.
“i think i just wanted to be around you.” you shrug, defending yourself by echoing her words.
“you still do?” jackie asks and, slowly, the lighthearted smile fades away from your face.
your gaze was lingering on her eyes and wouldn’t dare to leave. not even when you gently leaned closer and your fingers fixed her hair by carefully hiding a small section behind her ear. the entire world felt like it had stopped and you could hear a feather hitting the ground. it was quite adorable how jackie was the one to held her breath now just before swallowing the lump on her throat.
“i think i’ll always want to be around you.” you whisper. there was nothing but love and adoration inside your eyes as you felt completely hypnotized by her. you allowed your gaze to drift down to meet her lips and the hand that was hanging around her ear just a second ago found its way to her face. the palm of your hand fit perfectly on her cheek and you took the opportunity to guide her closer to you.
the first thing you feel the second after closing your eyes is jackie’s soft lips touching yours and how tenderly they were dancing together. it was almost like you and jackie were made of glass and you didn’t want to break each other.
jackie’s hand imitated yours but she used her thumb to caress your cheek. you feel her pulling away from your lips and you feel faint when your eyes open and she is smiling like she had just won the lottery.
“fuck. you are so pretty.” you groan in a dramatic way. with watery eyes and rosy cheeks, jackie nestle her face into your neck and gives your skin a small kiss, causing you to shiver and hug her body tightly, closer to you.
maybe the big bad wolf on your door wasn’t so scary now.
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raaorqtpbpdy · 2 days
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The Only Way Out is Through (2)
Vlad overshadows Jack as part of a diabolical plan to get rid of him and win Maddie's heart. Unfortunately, the plan goes awry when Vlad finds he can neither take control over Jack, nor leave.
For the prompts: Vlad's murderous plan for vengeance goes awry when he finds himself unable to stop possessing Jack's body. Jack is very much still alive and complaining about the "insufferable spook inhabiting his form". He's forced to live Jack's life until he can come up with a solution. IF he can... [from Balshumet], Vlad wishes his friendships could go back to the way they were in college, little does he know that Jack and Maddie have similar sentiments. [from @half-deadmagicperson], and Jack wants to save Vlad, but he'll have to face the harm he caused twenty years ago in order to accomplish this. [from @kuzann]
Read also on AO3
Chapter 2: Forgive, but Never Forget (Chapter 1)
[Warning for past trauma, guilt and blame, and mentions of death]
Jack stared.
Before him, he saw the rotten specter who'd tried to possess him and gotten stuck... and he also saw his best friend, Vlad Masters. And he had no idea what to make of it.
"I... I don't understand," he said.
"Of course you wouldn't understand, you oaf," the Wisconsin Ghost sneered at him. "I can't stand to be near you for even another second."
Then, with a flourish of his cape, the ghost flew through the portal and was gone, leaving Jack alone with his friend and no less confused.
"Vlad, are you alright?" he asked. He reached out to his friend, only to have his hand slapped away.
"Don't touch me," Vlad said, though there was little bite to it.
He looked... sad. Sadder than Jack had ever seen him, and he was overcome with the desire to help, though he still hadn't the foggiest idea what he needed to help with.
"Vlad... what's going on?" he asked, trying and failing to put all the pieces together. It just didn't add up.
Had the Wisconsin Ghost possessed Vlad before coming to do the same to Jack? But... how would it have even done something like that? It was impossible. Still, Vlad would know better than Jack, he always did, so it probably would be best to ask.
"Did the Wisconsin Ghost overshadow you, too, Vlad?"
"I wasn't overshadowed by the Wisconsin Ghost," Vlad muttered darkly. "I am the Wisconsin Ghost. Or I was, anyway. Your device seems to have separated me from my ghost half, and now it has apparently abandoned me in its disgust. I hardly blame it for wanting to get away from you."
"I don't understand—"
"I told you, didn't I?" Vlad replied. "You killed me. I came to get revenge. It's as simple as that."
Jack shook his head, still as confused as when he'd first dispossessed himself of that ghost and seen Vlad standing there, if not more so. It certainly didn't seem like anything about this situation was at all simple. Actually, it seemed quite confusing. Most confusing of all, however, was that, even though Vlad's words should have sounded angry... he just sounded sad.
"Is... is something wrong, Vladdie?" Jack asked. "Are you alright?"
"Oh, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? The man I once called friend betrayed me by stealing away the woman I love, sending me to an early grave in his incompetence, turning me into a half formed freak, neither truly human nor truly ghost, trapped me in his body for a week, and then split my two sides apart from each other, leaving me a broken man in every sense of the word."
Jack wasn't always the best at picking out sarcasm, but he didn't think Vlad was being genuine when he claimed he was fine. He actually sounded rather displeased and depressed about the whole thing. But Jack knew the cure for that.
"Come on, old chum," he said, grabbing Vlad by the arm despite his protests. "I'm taking you upstairs for some hot-chocolate and a warm blanket and we're going to talk this out."
Too bad Jack didn't know what to do about any of the rest of Vlad's problems. He didn't even know what Vlad was babbling about when he said half those things. Stealing away the woman he loved? Jack didn't know Vlad was dating anyone, or even crushing on anyone. And the only person Jack had dated since meeting Vlad was Maddie. By all accounts, it didn't make sense.
Once they got upstairs, Jack sat Vlad down on the sofa, grabbed a blanket from under the coffee table, and threw it over his friend's shoulders. It was a good blanket, thick, and warm, and soft. Jack knew because he'd knitted it himself, and he said as much. Then he told Vlad to stay put while he made some cocoa.
While Jack went through the familiar process of warming the milk, and mixing in the powder, and hunting down the marshmallows from wherever Maddie had hidden them this time, he tried to think over what Vlad had said before. There was something about a woman, and a half-formed... something, and a ghost? Or rather, not truly a ghost.
He felt like he was trying to put together a puzzle when he had only been given every other piece, and he'd gone and lost half the pieces he did have. It was, admittedly, rather frustrating, but Jack had done many puzzles with missing pieces—because he had a tendency to lose real puzzle pieces as much as metaphorical ones. He never gave up until he could see what the picture was, missing pieces or no.
When he returned to the living room with two cups of cocoa—he'd made one for himself while he was at it, just because—he saw Danny standing across from Vlad with an angry expression.
"I don't know what you're playing at, Vlad, but I want you out of here. Fly home. Now," he said in a low, growling tone.
"I would love to, Daniel, but alas... I don't have my powers." Vlad replied. "I won't be flying anywhere."
"What do you mean you don't have your powers?" Danny hissed. "You've been overshadowing my dad for like, a week, you're telling me you've lost your powers in the last ten minutes?"
"He used something called a 'ghost catcher' to separate us." Vlad shrugged.
Danny cringed hard. "Oh."
"Worked a bit too well, it seems. My ghost half flew off who knows where. I'm sure it'll come back for me when Jack's asleep."
"Fine, but I'm watching you, Vlad," Danny told him. "If you try anything funny, I'll dropkick you into the Ghost Zone and let you flail. Play nice with Dad, don't flirt with mom, and generally don't be such a fruit loop, or you're done here. Got it?"
"Loud and clear."
"Good."
With that, Danny turned around and left Vlad sighing behind him.
"What was that all about?" Jack asked as he entered the room, at last, two mugs of hot-cocoa in hand.
"You really have no listening comprehension, do you?" Vlad sighed, accepting a mug of cocoa, but not drinking it yet.
"Or maybe you haven't explained anything very well," Jack replied, starting to get a bit huffy.
Vlad couldn't put this all on him, when Vlad had just been saying things that didn't make any sense and expecting him to just know what they meant.
"Like that thing about me stealing the woman you love," Jack continued. "What's that all about? You never told me you were dating anyone. I didn't even know you liked anyone. And the only person I've dated since we met is Maddie, so how could I have stolen the woman you love?"
"Maddie is the woman I love, you utter buffoon," Vlad grumbled, then took a sip of his cocoa.
"Really?" Jack asked. "But... you never said anything. You never told me. How was I supposed to know?"
"I would have thought I was rather obvious about it."
"That's not fair," Jack replied. "With the number of times you've talked about how oblivious I am, it's not fair of you to assume I know things just because they're obvious. You know more than anyone how bad I am at noticing things. You're my best friend, if you liked Maddie, you should have told me."
"And what would you have done if I had? Hm?" Vlad asked. "Let me have her?"
"Well... no," Jack said obviously. "I couldn't do that. Maddie's a person, not something you can just have. If I knew you liked her too, we could have told her together and let her decide. At the very least I would have wanted us both to have a fair chance, instead of just making a move on my own. In fact, we can call her down now and ask her what decision she would have made."
"Really?" Vlad asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. "And what happens if she says she would have chosen me?"
"Well... then maybe we can work something out," Jack said. "I'll always support Maddie a hundred percent, no matter what she chooses. And no hard feelings from either of us, whatever she says, right?"
"Very well."
Maddie was reading a book in bed when Jack went to get her, telling her Vlad was here and they had an important question to ask her. She grimaced.
"Something wrong?" Jack asked.
"No, nothing," she said, putting on a smile. "Oh, is that ghost still attached to you?"
"No, I used the ghost catcher to separate it, and it flew off into the Ghost Zone," Jack said. "Then Vlad showed up, which... still not sure how that happened, but I'm working on it."
"The ghost catcher!" Maddie put her palm to her forehead. "I can't believe I didn't think of that. I totally forgot we made a ghost catcher."
"Don't feel too bad. I forgot, too. Now come on, Vlad's waiting downstairs."
"Right...." Maddie got up and followed, but she was walking slower than usual.
When they got to the living room, she took a seat on the armchair and Jack sat next to Vlad and started to explain.
"Did you know V-man also had a crush on you in college?" Jack asked. He opened his mouth to continue his speech, but Maddie interrupted him.
"Yes, I knew," she said.
"You did?"
"It was obvious," she and Vlad said in unison.
As much as he loved them both, they sure knew how to make Jack feel stupid at times.
"You and Vlad were both ridiculously obvious about your crushes on me," she continued. "At the time, I wasn't sure if I liked either of you, or who I liked more, so I decided that whoever asked me out first, I would go with, and if it worked, it worked, and if it didn't, it didn't."
"So... what if we'd come to you at the same time to confess our feelings and asked you to choose?" Vlad asked. "What would you have done then? Who would you have chosen?"
Maddie's eyes widened in surprise. "I... I don't know."
"Humor us," Vlad insisted. "Imagine that that had been what happened."
"Well... I suppose there are two possibilities," Maddie said. "You were both very good friends, and I wouldn't want to alienate either one of you by favoring the other. Either, I would have turned you both down to avoid hurting one of you so much that I would have lost him. Or I would have proposed an experiment to go on one date with the both of you and see which one I liked better as a boyfriend and which I preferred as just a friend."
"You always were very scientifically minded," Vlad commented.
"If you'd done the experiment, who do you think you would have picked?" Jack asked. More curious about her thoughts than actually concerned about whether she loved him or Vlad more.
She sighed. "I don't know. I really don't. It would have depended entirely on how you both met the challenge. But I was young, and naïve in college. I'd never dated anyone before, and I didn't know what to look for to know if a relationship would last. What I would have done back then, with the knowledge and experience I had back then, it doesn't really matter now, in the present.
"Knowing what I know now, I know I chose the right guy back then, even if it was just coincidence, or luck... I'm sorry Vlad. You were a good friend then, and I wish our friendship hadn't fallen apart, but the way you are now... you're pushy, and controlling, and I couldn't be happy married to a man like that. I know you both love me, but Jack understands me, and supports me, and even though he's forgetful, he cares about me as a person, and doesn't just want me, like you seem to.
"I just... I just wish we could all be friends like we were before," she said. "Before the accident, before all the resentment, and the pain, and separation. Before you turned into such a creep," she tacked on. "I miss those days. But it's too bad we can't just ignore all the time that's passed, and everything that's happened."
"That would be nice, wouldn't it?" Vlad agreed miserably, then took another sip of his cocoa.
"Well why not?" Jack asked. "Why can't we just go back to the way things were between us in the old days?"
"Because you killed me!" Vlad snapped. "Because you were overeager, despite our warnings, and by your incompetence, made me spend two years in a hospital, suffering poor care and constant mistreatment in addition to extreme pain as the ecto-acne simultaneously killed and healed me.
"Did you know, That ectoplasm can do that? Kill someone and resurrect them at the same time? I found that out the hard way. Guess who else found that out the hard way, twenty years after I did?"
"Danny," Jack breathed out.
If the ghost really was somehow Vlad, like he'd claimed to be, then that thing he'd said about Jack killing his son and not even realizing it was starting to make sense.
"In the portal accident," he realized. Killed and resurrected at the same time.
"What?" Maddie asked.
Jack just shook his head. He couldn't explain now. He felt sick to his stomach. He couldn't even imagine how horrible something like that would be to experience. The way Vlad put it, it sounded like agony.
"Vlad... it was an accident," Jack said.
"That you caused."
"I never meant to—"
"But you did, didn't you," Vlad said. "You pressed that damned button and I didn't hear from you again for twenty years."
"We tried to visit you in the hospital, Vlad," Maddie said. "We tried so many times we were permanently banned from visitation there. They wouldn't let us see you because we weren't relatives. We didn't even know if you'd survived."
"And what about after?" Vlad asked. "After I left the hospital, I became a millionaire. I was all over the news. Why didn't you reach out then?"
"I tried!" Jack told him. "Your receptionist said she was told to screen all calls from me."
"You killed me," Vlad repeated. "Why the hell would I take your calls?!"
"He's only trying to say that we're not the only ones to blame for losing touch," Maddie intervened, leaning forward, though she didn't have the reach across the coffee table to put herself between them. "You shut us out because of your bitter resentment. How were we supposed to reach out to you when you put a wall between yourself and us?"
A wall. That was a perfect metaphor, Jack decided. Ever since they'd reconnected with Vlad, it had felt like there was a brick wall between them, as much as Jack tried to ignore it, and pretend it wasn't there, even he wasn't so oblivious that he didn't notice.
It felt like a Cask of Amontillado situation, except that Vlad was both the one who'd built the wall, and the one trapped behind it, isolated, stuck, and suffering. Jack had burst through many a wall, but he couldn't break down this one. He wanted to help his friend, to save him... he just didn't know how.
"I... I'm sorry, Vlad," Jack said.
It didn't feel like the right thing to say after everything, after what he'd done, intentionally or not. Especially now that he realized the true extent of the consequences of his poorly-thought-out actions. It wasn't strong enough to express his remorse, or tangible enough to fix the damage, but he'd realized, out of nowhere, that he'd never actually said it.
In all these years, he'd never actually apologized. Or, if he had, he didn't remember, which wasn't exactly unlikely. Still, it couldn't do any harm to say it again, if he had said it at all.
"I know I can be overzealous, and clumsy, and thoughtless," he continued. "I didn't choose to be like this, I don't do it on purpose, but I know I do it, and I'm sorry. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you, but say the word and I'll do it."
"You could give me Maddie—"
"No, he couldn't," Maddie cut in sharply. "I am not something that can be kept or given away. I thought I already made myself clear about all this."
"Worth a shot."
"Wasn't," she scowled.
"I can't do that," Jack said. "But I will try to do better. Jazz is always suggesting things I can do to help with my forgetfulness, and I never remember to try them, but I'll work with her to start doing that. I'll find ways to stop me being so impulsive. And I'll try to think more. You're always getting on my about how I don't think enough."
"That'll be a real challenge for you," Vlad replied.
"I know," Jack replied with a short laugh. "But I'm willing to do it. Whatever else you are, dead, alive, even a ghost—you're my best friend. And I hurt you, and I want to make amends. If you'll let me."
Vlad looked down his nose at Jack, and sipped his cocoa once more. Jack realized he hadn't even touched his own drink during all this. It was probably lukewarm by now.
"I'll consider it," he said finally. Then he put his drink back down on the table and added, tersely, "It's late, you should go to bed. I'm sure I'll be gone in the morning. I'd like to be left alone for a while... to think."
"Of course," Maddie said. "Come on, Jack, let's leave him be. I'm sure we've bothered him more than enough for one evening."
She stood, and took Jack by the hand to lead him upstairs to their room.
"So... what exactly happened?" she asked once they were alone in their bedroom and Jack was changing into his pajamas. "Why was Vlad doing here? And what happened to the ghost that tried to overshadow you and got stuck? And what did you mean about Danny and his accident with the portal?"
"Slow down, Maddie, I can only answer one question at a time," Jack replied. "I'll start with Vlad and the ghost. Vlad was the ghost."
"What?"
"When he said the ecto-acne killed him and brought him back at the same time..." Jack trailed off to swallow back the discomfort at that mental image. "I think it made him a ghost... but also not a ghost?"
"What, like... a half-ghost?" Maddie asked, he eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
Jack imagined he must look like that pretty often. Confused, that is. He knew he didn't look anything like his wife.
"I guess so," he agreed. "When I used the ghost catcher to get rid of the ghost possessing me, it separated me from him, but it also separated Vlad's human self from his ghost self. That's what he said, anyway. Then his ghost self said he couldn't stand to look at me and flew into the portal."
"Rude."
"What do you expect from a—uh..."
Jack had been about to say 'what do you expect from a ghost', but he reconsidered when he remembered who he was talking about. We half-ghosts completely different from regular ghosts? Or were he and Maddie completely wrong about ghosts altogether.
"He was just upset," he said instead. "I think he'd been poking around in my memories, and he saw some things that upset him. He confronted me about my brother."
"I didn't know you had a brother," his wife said.
"I don't anymore," he looked down at the floor and tried not to recall to much and upset himself. "His name was Johnny, but he died falling through ice when we were kids. I... I was supposed to be watching him at the time, but I got distracted."
"Oh, Jack..."
"It was a long time ago," Jack said before she could try to comfort him and only made him linger on the guilt he still felt. "We all made mistakes that day. I should have learned from mine, and not let anyone else get hurt because of my negligence, but I guess I didn't learn well enough."
"How old were you?" she asked gently.
"I was ten," he replied. "Johnny was seven."
"I'm sorry."
He shook his head. It wasn't something he liked remembering, let alone talking about.
"You had other questions," he said, redirecting the subject back to what they'd been talking about before. "I'm sorry, I can't remember what they were...."
"Oh, Danny," Maddie said. "You said something about Danny when Vlad was telling us about what happened to him. And his accident with the portal?"
"Right... I think Vlad was trying to tell me that Danny was like him. Half ghost, I mean," Jack explained. "He told me I'd killed Danny, before I knew it was him. And then he said that thing about ectoplasm and—"
"Someone else found out the hard way, twenty years after he did..." Maddie realized. "Oh, Danny."
"Should we say something to him?" he asked.
She shook her head, although he wasn't sure if she actually meant 'no', or if she was just thinking.
"Why wouldn't he tell us?" she asked.
"Maybe... for the same reason as Vlad?" Jack guessed. "Maybe he blames us for what happened."
"Do you think so? Or maybe... maybe he doesn't feel safe telling us?"
"What?"
"We're ghost hunters," Maddie reminded him. "What if he's worried that our feelings for him might change if we knew he was a ghost."
"Oh no... what should we do?"
"I think... we should let him come to us when he's ready," she said. "Can you imagine how scared he might be if we brought it up to him now? We should wait for him to feel comfortable telling us, and in the meantime we can have some fun reexamining all the research we've ever done on ghosts in order to draw new, differently biased conclusions so Danny doesn't think we think he's evil just because he's half ghost. If he's half-ghost."
"And if he's not, we can reexamine our research so Vlad doesn't think we think he's evil," Jack enthused. "Should we start tonight?"
If reexamining their research and studying ghosts even more carefully than before was the worst thing that came out of this whole situation, than they really were on easy street.
"No, let's start tomorrow," Maddie suggested. "I don't think we should bother Vlad any more for tonight, and no offense, sweetie, but I don't think you'll be able to sneak past him to the lab without being noticed."
"I am pretty hard to miss."
"So come to bed for now, Jack," she said, patting his side of the bed invitingly. "A good night's sleep is a good start."
"Right you are, Maddie!"
He climbed into bed, and the two of them fell asleep cuddled up in each other's arms.
That night, Vlad paced the lab, waiting for his ghost half to decide to come get him. Lousy, good-for-nothing spook, leaving him behind. He'd examined the ghost catcher, and discovered that, for whatever reason, one of the sides separated people from ghosts, and the other side merged the two. Why it would be designed that way, Vlad couldn't fathom, but it was certainly convenient.
While he waited, blanket still hung round his shoulders because it really was quite comfortable, he considered all the things he'd learned, both from Jack's memories, and from the conversation he'd had with his two old friends upstairs.
They missed the old days as much as he did. All three of them wanted their friendship to go back to how it had been. But they all knew now why it couldn't.
Perhaps... perhaps that didn't mean they could never be friends again, even if it could never be like back in college. Perhaps it wasn't too late to forgive and move on.
Finally, Vlad's ghost half returned, as expected. They weren't meant to be separate, after all.
"There you are," Vlad said. "Come now, we can use the device that separated us to merge us back together."
"Good," Plasmius replied. "I scared the butler half to death when he saw me."
Together, they went through the merge side of the ghost catcher.
It wasn't as seamless as Vlad would have hoped. It seemed his ghost half had taken much of his anger with him when they'd been separated, and having it back made him less willing to forgive.
But the reflection stayed with him to. The sting of Maddie telling him off for being possessive and controlling, of both her and Jack pointing out that he wasn't treating her like a person, but a prize. Was he really that awful? He'd never thought of her that way before he'd developed feelings for her.
Perhaps it would be better to just let those feelings go, after all. She'd made her decision, and she didn't regret it, or want anything other than she got. Maybe he should cut his losses and give up before it further ruined a good friendship on the verge of rekindling.
Perhaps he should forgive Jack, too.
He would never be able to forget what had gone down between them. For years he'd tried to erase those bad memories from his head, of his accident, and his long hospital stay, and his slow and painful death. He'd even gone so far as to get plastic surgery to remove the pitted scars all over his skin, but even though he couldn't see them, he couldn't forget them either.
Jack was giving him a second chance, even though he'd tried to kill him, and steal away his wife and children, and even though he was a ghost, the very thing Jack hated most in the world. Perhaps Vlad could extend the oaf the same courtesy... for old times' sake.
There was much to consider as he flew, whole again, through the Ghost Zone to his own portal, and his home.
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cinnamon-phrog · 2 months
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I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up
#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice#i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever#ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame#gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :<#i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely-#-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things.#i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly'#i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now#months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child.#i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m#but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake.#i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is#i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again#this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life-#will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often#college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye#i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me
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gideonisms · 1 year
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my advisor keeps telling me to do different things in every single email my friend I simply need to know which semester I should apply for graduation for and whether I need to take Another clep
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hoardlikegoldenirises · 7 months
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in an effort to rest my left hand from typing and also my usual exercises in doing random shit I don't have a lot of experience with, I have exported some .bmps and used the auto-tracer in inkscape (which i have done before for other things) so that i can turn this logo into an svg file with consistent angles and, you know, resizeability and sleekness.
The main thing I'm doing here is cleaning it up (fixing the angles in particular) and then I have to figure out how I want to do the shapes for the flame colors, which I'll probably do manually cause the color quantization tracing mode doesn't quite do what I need it to do lol
I don't even know if Seth is going to definitely be called Scratch (have been spitballing a variety of vigilante-friendly names in my notes) so I probably shouldn't be putting the effort into this on the off chance they end up called something like Aetherflame instead (lol) (like actually that's one of the names in my list) but this is the logo I have, so, you know.
anyway, practice, right? :P
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osoreruna · 1 month
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thinkin bout how horrifyingly competitive toshinori was during his time at ua, specifically, the sports festival — but, also thinkin bout, the legacy he left behind there. why, whenever ua is brought up, the first thing mentioned is always 'all might's alma mater'. 'cause you gotta remember, 30-ish years ago, quirks were a lot different then what we see in the series now. they weren't so common, they weren't so COMPLEX — and, as we know from the description given to us in canon, not everyone's bodies could even handle one. it took time, generations to build enough physical strength and resistance to even properly wield the most "basic" of quirks. because of this, i wouldn't doubt if a vast majority of the minority that were born with quirks back then only possessed a FRACTION of the power the most recent generation has obtained. and i mention this because, if you keep that in perspective when you look at a quirk such as ONE FOR ALL, and you put that absolutely massive power into someone's hands that knows how to use it such as toshinori, i'm sure he was looked at as a god in those hallways.
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I don't have enough time or experienced with enough classes to write a detailed multiclassing guide, but for D&D players, especially new players, wondering if they should multiclass, the simple answer is "probably not". Multiclassing is, in general, bad. The game was not balanced with it in mind, and it's very easy to muck up your character if you don't know what you're doing. I'm not just talking from an optimization perspective, either; it's difficult to justify it narratively in a way that doesn't cheapen the significance of what class levels represent. You don't become a Bard by practicing the lute for a week. You can't become a Wizard without years of study. If you plan to multiclass, my advice would be to find some way of tying it narratively into your primary class somehow; an Eldritch Knight becoming a Wizard is sensible, because they already have an understanding of how to work arcane magic, they just need to spend some time focusing on that over improving their martial abilities to learn enough to start filling out a spellbook. Of course, that still takes a long time, but the Eldritch Knight's previous experiences mean they already know how to cast multiple spells already. If you want to multiclass for story reasons, ask yourself two questions: Is multiclassing really the best way to convey this change in my character, and, if so, do they have the adequate time, experiences, and resources to practice the skills necessary (physical training, study, spiritual attunement, etc.) to even START being that class? The reason I put so much weight into class levels is because the Player's Handbook itself makes a point to clarify what sets a member of each class apart from others who seem similar on the surface; not every soldier in a given army is a Fighter, chances are most of them aren't. And Paladins are even rarer! To achieve even one class level is a strong indication of skill and effort, and I as your DM would expect you to consider how your character achieves levels in a second class. My campaign features a Fighter/Warlock multiclass, and her patron is both the supplier of her occult magic, and her instructor, personally training her in her dreams, so she can level up in either class and it'll make sense. My favorite combination, Paladin/Sorcerer, can be explained by latent powers emerging in response to their experiences and the holy power they channel within themselves, perhaps a gift from their deity or the result of them or their ancestor slaying a creature like a dragon or vampire whose blood imbued the Paladin's bloodline with arcane magic. Maybe a Monk/Cleric comes from a monastery that reveres a specific deity, and that Monk caught their deity's attention, choosing the Monk for a holy mission. If multiclassing is part of your character's backstory or projected future, having a plan for it is key to making them still feel like a cohesive, singular character.
#musings#dungeons and dragons#take my advice with a grain of salt since not all groups will put the same weight into class levels as i do#but the reason most wizards are depicted as elderly is because wizardry is extremely difficult and takes a long time to master#class levels being rare or hard to achieve is kind of necessary from a worldbuilding perspective#if becoming a wizard was possible after what amounts to a college course there'd be wizards everywhere#and the players wouldn't be as important because their own abilities wouldn't be anything special for a long time#i didn't talk about optimization very much since i think most d&d players don't care about that as much as roleplay and thematics#but if you're questioning if multiclassing would be good for you#look at the benefits you'd get from even one level of another class and ask if that's worth setting your main class back permanently#even one bad multiclass level can become a problem with initiative is rolled and you're functionally one level lower than you should be#it's also why timing when to multiclass is important!#it's tempting to multiclass as soon as you hit level 2 but unless you're starting as your secondary class you should really wait#until you're at least level 5 or so because that's a big power spike#and once you achieve that it doesn't hurt as much to delay levels in your main class in favor of another#that's variation in this of course#if you're a paladin who plans to take just one level of hexblade you really should do it at level 2 if you dumped strength#you don't want to be relying on 13 strength for weapon attacks any longer than you have to#and if you're only interested in the thematic elements of a class remember that flavor is free!#plus you can use things like your background to give you a feel akin to a different class#a warlock entertainer who makes a deal with the devil to save their music career is a cool way to get bard flavor without multiclassing#especially since if you manage to become a true bard you probably don't need the devil's help anyway
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heycoyotegirl · 11 months
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love how the message of season 4 was that you have to have extremely good grades and have gone to parties to be able to successfully adjust to university
#nhie s4 spoilers#nhie s4#nhie#never have i ever#nhie critical#if you had mediocre grades or were too uptight might as well not even bother going since you're apparently fucked#like. devi ben and fab all got into an ivy and seemed to be enjoying university and doing well right away#meanwhile we have eleanor who gets 1 rejection and gives up on furthering her education entirely (why didn't she think about film school??)#and paxton who worked So Hard to get into college only to immediately drop out just because his roommate was shitty#& blair who was an excellent student but partied too hard and failed out and tried to keep it a secret because it was 'kind of humiliating'#like. blair mentioned that she was burnt out but then it was almost immediately reframed as her having been 'too perfect' in high school#the only character who never planned to go to college was trent who was so bad at school he had to repeat his senior year#why weren't there any students who had done well at high school yet struggled academically even though they were genuinely trying?#or students who hadn't done super well in high school but then thrived in university when they had more freedom to choose their classes#where were the top students who didn't get into their first choice school? or knew that they didn't want to go to college at all?#obviously the show couldn't cover every possible permutation of how people decide whether to go to college and then how they adjust to it#but it's uhhh not great that the 3 'smartest' main characters were admitted into ivies and immediately thrived at university#while the 3 who struggled with school or prioritized non-academic interests either didn't try to go to college or gave up extremely fast#the show has always had moments where characters will be elitist but it seemed much more prominent & tied into the narrative this season#my post#my meta#tag ramble
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dangaer · 11 months
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ok but real important character development question: can they catch the spiders or are they getting someone else to remove them?
#❛     𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒    ⧽    —   ooc.#been thinking about this since saturday when it was 3am and some spider was staring me down ... safe 2 say. the spider won occupation of th#dining room<3#IF I WAS TO DISCUSS WITH ... my main/poster boys#shin? oh a professional. maids sheep has him on standby#he lets people even see the spider before he lets it go if you're curious!#asra is indifferent.#if their company / the apprentice didn't like them then they would have inherited such a role. they usually do it quick with magic though.#aiji ... is not exactly /fond/ of the spider. but he's group dad. with mineo too scared to pick it up and takeru looking down with amusemen#planning on when he can pretend to throw it on mineo ... kageyuki and kei encouraging.#hes the one who solves the problem before it gets worse#gil is NOT a fan. but does it if his company cannot. he's trained himself on how to handle the situation better than he did in college#( aka getting claris to do it:') )#ayato is banned from spider duty because last time he tried catching one he destroyed one of reijis rooms because#he's confident until hes not ... which is when the spider runs back#(aka bo bur.nhams spider song here)#couldn't decide but ill do lucifer who is pretty similar to aiji. handles it BEFORE any stressful moments take place. he likes the#house of lamentation to STAY up for as long as possible.#dante? dante intimidates spiders for a living tbh. he SCREAMS the one guy who ends up doing it because no one else will#nicola would offer but it wouldn't be kind to the poor spider</3
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skimmilk11 · 8 months
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gayfrasier · 8 months
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had the most unstructured unorganized class of all time today.
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okay so i got accepted into my top college ed and everyone was really happy and IM really happy i agree but my brain sees an achievement and just thinks of the catastrophes that will follow said achievement so now i'm thinking about how i'm going to be in debilitating, crippling debt and IM NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I WANT TO DO. WHAT IF THE MONEY IS WASTED AND I FAIL (LEISTER)
#and also the stunning lack of faith my dad had in me getting in was really. just. wow. he refused to believe i would get in the whole time#which stings a little ig#but i'm happy!!! but im not???#but i should be happy!! one of my good friends is also going to that school#every at school td was congratulating me and its a good fucking school to get into#so i'm happy!!! but i'm also worried??#i feel like i should be happier. and let myself enjoy this triumph over the weekend. but all i want to do is plan.#plan out my next steps figure out how to save myself from overwhelming debt curse my parentals for saving literally nothing for college#and both FINALLY getting raises and better jobs only the year before i started applying to colleges#which good for them but shitty for me considering that it ruined my chances of getting a lot of financial aid when prior to those#very sudden shifts in wages and job qualities we had less that half of the income we're making now#so i dont get any college savings bc they didn't have good enough jobs to save up and i get less financial aid bc their tax returns from#last year make it seem like they're rich or smthn now#and it still stings that my dad's acting like my acceptance was a miracle (which i agree suqran allah first and foremost subhanalah)#but it disregards all the hard work i put into making this happen???#and the fact that my mom didn't even believe me at first#idfk#i SHOULD be happy. i AM happy. why can't i just let myself be happy for a weekend#tw swearing#swearing tw
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starsonmarsy · 1 year
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queridaz · 2 years
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tryna plan my birthday dinner and just realized i can't afford it 😔😔
#ik i'm inviting everyone over but what if i made them pay for their food absjsks#i could make empanadas instead and that'd be way cheaper and i'd have enough for everyone#but that also means i'd have to spend my birthday making empanadas and the whole point of ordering food was not having to do work#also i really wanted thai food :/#maybe i can afford it if i get the job i interviewed for this week#but def not at the moment#also mini rant since i'm on the topic of finances but man is it depressing to be here working two jobs to pay for groceries#meanwhile my roommate is on a full scholarship w/ free meal plan and rich parents and she eats the food i make or uses my ingredients#like she v def is not in the wrong bc i told her she could but it is depressing to know that i'm struggling to pay for college and survival#while she gets to be blissfully unaware of how much she has in her savings and bills are paid for her#she literally said that the other day she was like#''i don't know how much i have in my college savings. i just ask my mom to withdraw from it whenever a bill comes''#(she has a full ride but she's out of state so there's like a fee or smth she has to pay but it's still essentially a full ride)#and i just sat there flabbergasted bc i know exactly how much i have in my college savings. $417.37.#and every penny will be gone by next sem to pay for those classes. and my 529 is v low bc of the stock market being bad rn#so i'm trying to avoid going into it until the stock market's up again but i had to dip into it anyway bc of my required arts class#aaaaaanyway the thought of her not even knowing what she has bc she doesn't have to worry abt it cause she's rich is so..... yeah 😔😔#and then i turn around and like three of my friends get a monthly allowance from their parents meanwhile i treat them to boba#i can't ask my parents for financial help cause they're in a really bad spot right now#my brother called me the other day and said he was having waffles for dinner cause they didn't have any food#so like....... i think my friends should pay for my laundry#tea talks#tea vents
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noisy-weasel · 7 months
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Man how do you explain to your parents that no I don't have a future like stop pitching all these ideas to me because you sound insane. Like I guess they genuinely don't realize how close to death I am. I'd already be gone but there's no knives in the house Sharp enough. Like that's the ONLY reason I am alive. Period. And the fact I'm still here is so fucking stressful because every second I'm still alive is money and energy my family is wasting on me and I fucking hate hate hate it. Honest to god forcing people who are horribly suicidal to continue living is a crime like every year I'm still here increases how awful I feel tenfold and I should be able to buy pills that can kill myself just over the counter and there's just no excuses that I can't
#i know that sounds insane but if you've ever been horribly social you'd know how sure i am of this#it's genuinely a for society to try so hard to keep me here but there's also no resources to make me better#no healthcare no therapists can't even get afucking antidepressant without a therapist#at Least while i was still on my dads insurance my doctor couldn't put me on any#and then he forwarded me too a therapist that ALSO didn't prescribe pills#i couldn't pay for the sessions because of course i can't so WHYYYYY AREN'T YOU JUST LETTING ME KILL MYSELF???#like do you see how this doesn't make sense????#personal#suicide tw#srsly tho my parents just trying to pretend I'm not suicidal but i am genuinely going to be dead before 30 that's not a Joke that's#something i know in my heart is true#i was actually all planned and ready to kill myself when my parents went up both in July but my mom got sick and stayed home#it literally ruined everything#ahhhhhggg being alive sucks so much i feel so broken and worthless#someone buy me a knife please please please please#and honestly i think it's gotten to a point where i view getting a job as death#because i know i NEED a job because I'm nothing but a burden but i also know the moment i have money I'm starting a ticking click to my end#new killing myself is simply inevitable so getting a job ill hate (i have no prospects bc college too expensive and barely any experience#which will simply funnel me into a soul crushing American retail job)#so it's just like okay... my paychecks will be going toward a knife or a gun and itll be literally imposible for me to live if i have a#means of dying
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