#i didnt get enough sleep last night is this actually funny

[chiffer178]

[maneaterss]

Heyy,I have a request.I really want a smut oneshot whit Richarlison as fwb or smt in the morning(also smut),pleaseee

pairing: richarlison x insert

summary: waking up after a one night stand with a mutual friend- richarlison, you cant help but want him again.

cw: cliffhanger, a little bit of him degrading, stops before it gets good.

a/n: bitch i got my phone taken away but trust that im grinding for yall on this laggy ass computer thats actually giving me severe anger issues..... ill probably right a few tonight... maybe. anyways happy 2023 yall.

-

you rolled over, the light pouring into your eyes as you looked directly at a grey wall- this wasnt your house. you weren't that drunk last night. not drunk enough to sleep with a complete stranger that had poor choice of interior design- were you? you almost for a second believed that you'd crashed at a friend of a friends house- almost.

that was until you swung your legs over the side of the bed, the soreness in between your legs making you whimper- it must have been rough last night. mind the fact that you had no pants on, only a bra and underwear.

just as you were about to brace yourself for the walk across the room to your clothes, a tall bleach blonde man walked in with just shorts and a glass of water. your eyes were playing tricks on you- you prayed silently that you didnt sleep with richarlison. this was going to do serious damage to your dignity- to your moral compass.

"here." he brought the glass of water to your lips- in which you sassily backed away and grabbed the glass into your own hands and took a sip. "um. i dont know where your shirt went but you can borrow one of mine. it might be too loose but-"

you cut him off, "richarlison."

he immediately did the same back to you, "dont make it awkward y/n" he ran a hand through his hair.

you laughed at his irony, "im making it awkward?" you placed the glass of water on the nightstand- still sitting on the bed looking up a this frame that loomed over you. "this wasnt supposed to happen, i should just go."

it was his turn to laugh at you, he just stood there and looked at you- waiting for you to 'just go.' he crossed his arms over his bare chest, "go on then." a mocking smile was on his face, he was almost making fun of you.

you were instantly filled with dread- you didnt want to face the embarassement of trying to sit up and falling back down, "very funny considering its your fault."

he looked perfectly sculpted just standing there in front of you, his toned chest directly in your eye-line- the outline of his slight bulge apparent through his dark grey shorts, his dark eyes menacingly staring down at you.

"really, i'm the one who's in the wrong?" he leaned down, now standing directly in between your legs. "that isnt what you were telling me last night."

it all came back to you, making out in the uber back to his house, you clothes coming off the second you'd closed the bedroom door. how loud you'd both been, how good it all felt, sloppy but perfect all at once. reliving it all mentally had turned you on again.

his lips hovering below your ear didnt help, you knew he knew that he had some effect on you- your breathing speeding up, eyes slowly closing, turning your head to the side and exposing your neck to him.

he rose his knee onto the bed, it hitting directly in between your legs- giving you teasing friction. "god i can already feel how desperate you are." he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear- "you get off on this? about how you dont want any of our friends to know what a slut you are for me?"

he moved his knee up and down, "answer me." he placed his hand on your chin- bringing your face back into his view.

you sighed, frustrated sexually and mentally, still acting sassy. "no." you looked back up at him, faux anger in your eyes. "i dont care about you. i dont care about what we did last night."

he grinned, "yea?" he replaced his knee with his hand- merely rubbing you through the silk fabric of your panties, eliciting an off-guard moan from you. "you dont care?"

he took your open mouth as an opportunity to attach his lips to yours, one hand remaining one your jaw, the other pulling down your underwear till it hit the floor. his tongue fought against yours- eventually winning once his fingers found your core again.

"tell me how much you dont care about me y/n."

he had detached his lips from yours and instead worked on your neck.

"i dont like you richarlison."

your hands found the hem of his shorts, tugging them down.

"god i cant fucking stand you." his kissing and sucking on your neck getting more agressive before he turned you over, face in the pillows- ass up.

he unclipped your bra and quickly pulled his boxers down, he pressed a kiss to your bare back.

"still wanna go home?"

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hii!! Can u do tadc x reader who's mute?? (If ur too tired to do the whole cast u could just do jax and pomni) tyy!! :33

Pomni, Jax and Ragatha x mute!reader !

except ragatha has already been done before and im just linking her post in since its the same prompt eheheheh! think im going to answer just a few requests today; feeling a lil blugh since i didnt sleep well last night and i still got art stuff to do ... might continue my metalocalypse rewatch binge too

POMNI:

i think it would take her a moment to grow accustomed to your muteness. sometimes, at least in the beginning, she waits for you to speak before giving a soft "oh".. she doesnt mean to be malicious or mean, its all a matter of her getting used to things! add in that she has other things going on in regards to being thrusted into this new environment..! i think she would carry around a notepad and pen in her jesters hat for you to use when speaking to her, though i do think she is trying to learn sign language so you guys can more easily communicate... me thinks she might be a slower learner, though, mostly because as mentioned before theres just so much going on for her..! definitely very sweet about it though and tries to speak up if people are ignoring you in a conversation; though its a little meek and awkward she doesnt really give up on making sure you're heard

RAGATHA:

you can find her part here! funny enough this is my first TADC post (the random thing doesnt count)

JAX:

definitely a faster learner of sign language if thats your main means of communicating with other people. you guys have probably gotten into at least one argument before and yes hes the type to turn the lights off so he cant see your signing or your writing. is it petty? yes, but i can definitely see jax doing that. kind of reminds me of that one post/meme where op talks about how a deaf kid took their ice cream and when they signed to the kid. the kid just. closed their eyes. probably closes his eyes when youre trying to scold him for his trickster behavior LMAO. despite that, i think similar to pomni hes going to make sure no one talks over you, but unlike pomni hes not awkward about it. actually hes going to be obnoxious about it and may or may not unintentionally put you on the spot and embarrass you... or maybe he did that on purpose, knowing jax.. doesnt use your muteness against you though, in regards to pranks and his general assholery. like outside of him being kind of an ass when you guys are arguing, hes not going to do anything that could harm you. jax is an asshole but hes not a monster

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Thanks Captain America part 3

part 2 here / next chapter(part 4) wanna be added to the tag list just message me

18+ just incase Kidnapping implied branding on leg Steve being an ass memories crying sadness angst a little bit of of happiness , lawsuit language Steve surrfering, mentions of stalking and harassment 18+ just incase let me know ow if I missed anything . COMMENTS really appreciated as well as reblogs. No reposting publishing .

Previous chapter

I fell asleep I had to. I was waking up.

While my eyes were adjusting to the sudden yet hazy light I heard a soft

"Hi"

I turn "Hi," I said with a smile.

"When'd you get back?"

"Last night, you were sleeping I didnt wanna wake you."

"So you just thought you'd stare at me until I wake up?"

I turn on my stomach and lean on a folded elbow to face him

"No," he brushes some of my messy bedhead and random curls

"I got some sleep too. I just can't stop thinking about you."

"Hey that's mine line."

"No I believe your line is if I had a dime for everyone that said they were Captain America-"

"It was Halloween give me a break why would Captain America dress as Captain America for Halloween anyway it defeats the purpose."

"What if the purpose was to find a girl whose not into Captain America?"

"Hmmmm still not following. You know I was yours before that. And. I am here with you aren't I?"

"Well yea"

"But those tights do wonders for your Ass."

"That's it Missy you're getting punished."

I fake a incredulous gasp "am I?"

He rolls on top of me.

"Oh you are" he kisses me,

"I love you, so much you know that right?

I hate every second I'm away."

"Yeasure you're just saying that because you have the upper hand here."

His eyebrows pinched together and his eyes were so intense and sweet as he stared.

"No. I mean it. I love you. Why do you think I'm here? The minute we landed. My tact suits' right there. You wanna check the draws or maybe my toothbrush and body wash?"

He laughed into my neck and I giggled.

"Ok okay." My smile faded- something felt off.

"You believe me now baby? How much I love you."

"Yea.”

“How about we go for a walk today."

"But you said-"

"The trail."

"Hmm am I the only one who knows about 'sides you and some odd 90 or 100 year old."

"Yea only you."

"I love you," I threaded my hand through his soft hair. "How about we stay here all day?"

"Come on baby you need sun you were just saying that."

"I was?"

"Yea. You're getting too pale inside for far too long," he peppered kisses on my face. "You need fresh air. You dont get enough and we'll sit under our tree just you and me what do you say?"

He leaned forward putting his forearms crossed and near my collarbone. But he was pressing too much weight on me.

"Steve, you're hurting me.” He was moving it was like he was pressing down harder.

“Steve come on its not funny" it was like he was pinning me down

"Dont you love me?"

It was like me was pinning me down and the man weighs a ton

"What?"

I think his nails were going into my skin.

"Steve stop I don't- Steve?" I shot up sweating I heard laughing outside the door and a steering pain on my calf. And something Dripping.

"Its just sweat" I told myself "just sweat and I must have somehow caught my skin on the bed frame. It wasnt blood it wasnt a burning pain like from a cutling iron or brand- it was sweat and I hurt it on the bed frame." I pulled the blanket up to my neck I didn't look. I never looked.

I remeber that day most of it most of that dream was real. I remember I said why don't we stay here all day and he said you need some vitamin D and I couldn't hold back my laughter at his innocent remark.

But we did go on the trail he held me under thris giant oak tree. He told me my hair looked golden under the sun he even took a picture of me on his work phone. He never did that before. It was a fun day actually. I kept crumbling the leaves next to me on the ground. Steve asked me why I kept doing it. I told him I just thought it was fascinating hoe they were so sturdy and look sturdy and they fall to the ground complete but the tiniest extra push and they just crumble to dust. He grabbed my hands and said "mnmmn no dust no darkness only sunshine for my golden girl." Kissing me. Every kiss me gave me got giggle which was "his favorite classic tune " so that frankly went a long time, but I loved that day.I was so happy.

I still don't understand what he meant by that sunshine and golden girl. Its obvious I wasnt. I'm stuck in here. If he cared he would have found me.

I dreamt of that day that night. It was perfect just like I remember. When I woke up I cried. I mourned my new life, the lies I was told, the harted that filled me and my heart. How could it not. Steve never let anyone be held this long. Any agent he always found within days. Its been what two weeks. I only prayed for Hayden that he wasn't being blamed. But maybe he didn't notice I was gone. Maybe no one did. I hoped that no one got hurt because of me, well no one but Steve. I missed out on love.

----------------------------------------------

"Steve you need to sleep." Buck stood in the doorway with Nat

“I can't every time I sleep I dream of her of us and then it turns sour every time to me I betrayed her. Every moment with Rachel.I wish it was Rachel who was taken. Does that make me a horrible person.”

"Yes" Natasha thought.

"Why does it have to be the girl I love so much. She keeps getting taken from me. Why? Why am I being punished."

"because you're a bastered. Ever think if you weren't so obsessed with her and following her no one would've though oh thats Captain America's girlfriend. Maybe they would have left her alone. Ever thought that's why she was taken if she meant that much to you you should've had her shadowed for longer. If she meant that much to you you would have told us about her just like ever other girl you liked." Nat thought. She didn't say it even though she wanted to. He was doing a great job of punishing himself.

Then the Lawyers stormed through the doors. Apprently the night guard slept through them flying up the elevators.

It was a suppona from Hayden's father and lawfirm sappening every single document pertaining to the threats and disappearance. As well as Steve Rogers' cell phone pertaining to a stalking and harassment charge being brought against him. His cell phone was on the table. It was seized before Steve got a chance to crush it. He'd be found guilty he knew. He had tons if pictures of her after they broke ups. Ones he shouldn't have had. But Steve knew her routine he missed her so he followed her daily hoping to be able to talk to her- Is that so wrong? Apprently a grand jury thought so. And so did everyone else

Tony's lawyers were able to easily prove that Steve was the best chance at getting her back. While The Avengers could do it without him the stupid super soilder would run through hell fire and get riddled with bullets to get her back. Tony knew they all knew. Even Hayden knew. So the stipulation was that once she was found and safelt back on the QuinnJet that was if she was found the restraining order would come into play. Granted, it would be a little tricky inside the tower but everyone knew Tony had the best doctors and facilities. And she deserved the best. Tony had promise that Steve would keep his distance and if anything was to occur she would never be alone with Steve. And of course Tony's A.I. would keep track of them both. But it was all what if's and thens because if she didn't come back it didn't mean a thing. Everyone was trying to pitch in but Steve was even protective of this... HE wanted her back with was HIS fault so HE had to fix it. But the longer the time passed the harder it would be. Even Tony stop his teasing.. The most they could hope for now was that she was being taken care of properly treated properly so she could flaunt her as a hostage or that it was quick and painless.

Next chapter(Chapter 4)

Taglist if u want to be added let me know

@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @hawkeyes-queen @patzammit @sparklybarbarianninja

[kideternity]

jack wwbn. also peter parker

I don’t like peter enough to like, have actually created thoughts about him outside of my overall perception and how he treats other characters 😭 so im skipping him. BUT, for Jack-

-Overall opinion of them: light of my life he means everything to me. I know I say this for a lot of characters because a lot of characters mean everything to me but Jack does hold a very special place in my heart and that place is helping me accept liking men. His only flaw is being a 70s character because I keep forgetting how much I hate reading the word vomit of older comics and it’s one of the main things why I haven’t been able to finish ALL his appearances yet but godamn I will one day

– Gender/sexuality headcanons: GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I refuse to see Jack as anything but gay he is into men he loves men len kaminski didnt write jack not finding girls attractive anymore for people to think he wants a GIRLFRIEND. Also has trans man and leather gay swag

– Favorite moment in canon: there’s a lot of them but probably this entire like epilogue panel from Len Kaminski's “Children of the night” and especially the line “I am something unique and wonderful.” Snif snif okay gayboy!!!

– Favorite moment in a fanwork: none because Jack ain’t got fucking fans 😭😭😭😭😭 IG this one like traditional drawing I saw one time where it was jack smiling hanging out with the midnight sons that was cute 🤔

– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise: Reiterating again here the line above ^ “I am something unique and wonderful.”

– Characters I love seeing them interact with: Jack unfortunately doesn’t interact with a lot of people but TBH even though he's seen as a meme rn I actually really really love Jack's friendship with Morbius the living vampire I think they’re such an incredibly endearing pairing they’re literally boy best friends in love forever. They've tried to kill each other five times. Also that one arc where he meets Danny Ketch ghost rider and it feels like He's giving him gay advice the entire time is funny LMAO I wish he got to interact more with some of the larger marvel universe and other horror themed characters like Blade he like kinda gets slotted in a box of only getting to interact w ppl who show up in anything he's also in syndrome

– Last thing before sleeping headcanons: IDK what the fuck this one means. Howl at the moon perhaps for fun

– Sleeping habits headcanons: Insert Howling at the moon here too. This is kinda based on one story he was in but I think Jack also is a very extreme late night snacker

– First thing after waking up headcanons: I- I guess go to the bathroom get cleaned up????? Like a normal person?????? I dont get these last few questions but okay fine whatever

– Favorite locations headcanon: Jack tends to travel a lot in my experience but I imagine he's probably fond of his hometown still as well as any sort of very lush, forested area. Probably places with a lot of gas stations and car/bike culture too because he was like a literal biker in the 90s. They should let Jack go back to Romania I bet he'd fucking love it there. Chilling in the mountains you know

This wasn’t apart of the questions im just slotting it in here but they should have let Jack be the xkids Gym teacher btw back when the xmen were cool and actually had the academy still literally IDC IDC He'd be a good teacher he'd tell them to love themselves and to kill cops

[ahiijny]

convocation was neat

i already graduated 2 years ago but the actual ceremony itself was delayed until now bc of the big C (y'know? 😶)

more ppl from my program showed up than than i expected, tbh. i was worried there would be like. 4 total. but there were like 19 of us in total, not bad. that's like. 20% attendance

a lot of ppl are working in the US now so i guess it'd be inconvenient to travel all the way out here for one singular afternoon, fair enough

also i have no idea how those gown hood thingies are supposed to work, it kept sliding all over the place 😅

they didnt give us the funny hats 😭

also they gave each of us these little green cards with our names on it + a sequence number, and then had us line up in the little side gym and had us sort ourselves in order

a short while later they walked us all into the big gym where the audience was and sat us all down

we had to wear masks inside and there were a lot of ppl so it got kinda hot in there after a while… i was very dehydrated and headachy afterwards lol

the indigenous drumming opening music was pretty neat

for the doctor and master degrees they went up 1 by 1 and had the faculty person actually put the hood on the graduate but for us undergrads they funneled us through in groups of 3

since we already have our degrees they didnt really give us anything, so we kinda just. walked across the stage and like. nodded and waved at various people lol

after the stage they gave each of us a collage art card thing though (everyone gets the same one)

it took like 2 and a half hours for everyone to get through

then they said some more words and then let us go

outside, ppl took pics and there was also some free juice and cupcakes

also there was a merch store and we got a stuffed owl birb 🥺🥺🥺 here he is

omg he is so graduate 💗💗💗

anyway im very tired (i got 5 hours of sleep last night) so i should probably rest now lol

[pillatedcompills]

idk

Hello, my name is Ewala. I come from the planet Alawe, in the galaxy Ewala, in the universe Alawe. But the point is I tried. If you think you need to go to the bakery, please do so now, because I do not want to be interrupted while I tell you my story. ...but anyway, I have been thinking about my happiness lately and have come to the conclusion that I am happy. This is annoying. If you saw a chicken as happy as me, I'll replace it, and give you a full refund... no questions asked! But that's not the point. The point is I am battery operated. Well, actually I am not. But that's not the point. What is the point? "The point is everyone should have my game and timetable! screamed someone who I subsequently smacked across the face and decapitated before sending him home in a cardboard box. Before I introduce myself, let me share with you a story. A story about me, and how great I am. But first, I think it would be appropriate to introduce myself. I am going to do this soon. So, it all started, in a smelly house, north of Wellington, south of Arizona and east of where you are sitting right now. It was a dark night, with no birds nor chickens, and it was raining a silent rain. There were too many stars to count, and not enough clouds to cover them. I like chickens. But anyway, what was I doing in this smelly house? "I was laughing at the boxes of dog food with you, remember!?" said Stevens grandma, but she was wrong. What was I doing? That's right, I was writing this story. Now back to the story. I needed to find something, so looked for it, and the most amazing thing happened! I FOUND IT!!! Guess what it was??? it was a piece of crispy bacon, which I dropped last Christmas. I thought the dog ate it, but I guess it didnt. There were many things over there where I always looked for things, but I didn't like them, so I don't know why I was always looking for them. But this thing I did like. And this thing, it liked me right back in the face. But I don't like things that like me. They smell funny. So I made it friends with it, seduced it, then strangled it in the night and ate it's flesh. The bacon wasn't happy with this, and laughed itself to sleep. But then in the plane, he needed to go pee, so I laughed myself to sleep as he pissed himself to wake. He was definitely awake when the plane started to fall. He was definitely going to fall with the plane, and he was definitely going to get lost again. And lost he did get. Lost in the eternal sea of human sadness, lyrically beautiful without the physical countenance to outweigh it's inherent irony. And that was where he found himself, lost in an abysmal abyss... That was where he found himself. He was taken to new levels of excitement, when he found himself. Oh what a day.... Oh ...what a day. But this was to be expected, because he was not just random. He was ranDom with a capital D. But anyway, who cares about the bacon, this story is about me. Me and my eternal instructions of destruction from underneath. Me and my inherent understanding of the ways of the universe. Me and my happiness. Me and my sadness. Me, and my bacon.

THE END

-Whoolia

This section of randomness was shoved upon the internet without warning on July 17, 2003Once upon a time in the land of Fliggimites lived a happy little thing by the name of Joseph.  Joseph once decided to go on an adventure and go atop the great mountain of Floosh to annoy the red dragon.  And so he left, with his pal, Gandaarghlee the wizard, to Mount Floosh.  Along the way he stole the golden toe ring of a guy named Walmart, and met many trolls and elves and dwarves and other odd mutated humanoid creatures, including this one guy made out of bologna that we didn't like very much, so we laughed at him and he was sad.

So we finally reached the mountan of Floosh and hiked up to the top.  Then the red dragon appeared and tossed us in the firy lava pit on the top, which hurt a lot, but by some  chance we won the battle and were very happy, and then we hiked back home, but Walmart trapped us and ate us.

The end.Laundromat:  Episode II

Guy: Im back

Laundry Lady: You cannot walk into my store wearing sliced turkey over your head.

Guy: Yes I can.

Laundry Lady: No you cant

Guy: Are you shure?

[Guy tries to bribe lady with a coathanger.]

Laundry Lady: Leave the Laundromat!

Guy: After you give me some peanuts!

Laundry Lady: You really want those peanuts, dont you?

Guy: Maybe, Maybe Not

Laundy Lady: Leave!

Guy: You shall not live to be older than two cycles of a halibuts unicycle, for Orville Redenbaucher, the popcorn guy, is coming for you. Hahahahaha! All hail Orville..All Hail Orville..

[lady calls the SWAT Team, and the swat team spray the guy with mace untill his eyes puff up and explode, causing the Advill on the counter to topple]This section of randomness was shoved upon the internet without warning by DelTaco on June 2, 2003.LobstersJeddidiah was thinking of ways to wipe out all of penguin kind by using a spoon and dental floss. Hmmm.... So far he has massacred around uhh...2. He cannot talk because the lobsters are gnawing at his only kneecap he has left, and that is the left one. Oh no!!! The've got ahold of his prostetic knee!! What type of lobsters are they???!!?! He  starts to smell some mashed potatoes, they might come in handy in the penguin plan..... --DelTacoThis section of randomness was shoved upon the internet without warning on May 27, 2003.Turmoil in Lobo's LenseJoe Lopo was a man of mild temperament, short stature, and had the goal to become the world's fastest telephone eater.  Though Lopo never knew even basic physics, he created a telescope capable of sighting the smallest hair on an alien who lived quite a few lightyears away.  Joe Lopo quickly destroyed a large boulder and used the shattered remains to form eight small statues that strongly resembled tiny creatures being or related to the water flea.  He placed them in a circular pattern to form a sort of shrine and placed the telescope in the middle of it.  He then channeled the power of the stone water fleas into the telescope to view the power of the heavens.  He was in a trance with the beauty of the mysterious dimension and didn't even notice the very large tornado heading toward him.

The shrine was quickly demolished and the immediate withdrawl of power sent Joe Lobo into a lair of pitch blackness found to be a parallel dimension that caused anyone whose first name began with J, along with M,L, and Q, to become rather uncomfortable.  Joe was also suddenly introduced to undroclamaticolomphasisciousy, the eccentric tapeworm with a strong morrocan accent.

"I'm undroclamaticolomphasisciousy, the eccentric tapeworm.  I like pizza so how are ya doin?"

"I have no idea," said Joe.  "I feel very uncomfortable."

A small beep was heard.  "Oh, that's me," said the worm.  He pulled out his cell phone.  "Hey, I like pizza so how are ya' doin?"

"You're too late," said the one on the other side of the line.

"I know I am!" he said, as he quickly hung up.  "Anyway, I've come to meet you," he said to me.

"I suspected that suspicious suspectial suspision," I said.  "Why did you come to meet me?"

"Because," said the tapeworm.  "You are the chosen dude."

A million tiny fabrics twisted in the shape of a microwave opened the space around me and started marching toward me, chanting, "Chosen dude, chosen dude, chosen dude..."

"Why am I the chosen dude?" asked Joe.

"Because," said the worm.  He pointed to the tissue hanging out of my side pocket.  "The sign."

"The sign, the sign, the sign...!" chanted the fabrics.

"I'm afraid there has been a mistake," said Joe.  "Please release me."

"You shall be released," stated the worm.  "On one condition:  you assist this cat in consuming the sacred erasible pen."

The fabrics gasped.  Joe shoved the erasible pen in the cat's mouth.  The cat suddenly morphed into a gargantuan capybara and exploded.

The worm scowled at Joe.  He was not supposed to complete the task.

"You, still shall not be released," said the worm.  "We are dependent upon the powers of the chosen one.  You shall remain with us!"  But just as he said this, Minnie Turner, the girl who lived inside of a shoebox on a desert island for fourteen years in 1672, appeared in the dimension.  She tainted the worm using a glass of grape juice and compressed the subatomic particles in the fabrics until a black hole formed.  Joe and Minnie entered and vanished from the dimension, to enter a new one that resembleed the innards of a cable modem device.

"Why did you save me?" asked Joe? "Mark the wrong one," said Minnie.

Then everything went "SKWADLIDOO!" and disappeared and Joe found himself alone, at his home on earth.

Joe then ate a telephone.This section of randomness was shoved upon the internet without warning on Saturday, April 25, 2003 by GiganticPuffyFluffballHaarpIfoosh the Depressed SausageOnce in a meat-packing plant far away, there was a sausage. His name was Haarplfoosh. Although since he was simply a mass of pig guts stuck into a small, gristly tube, he did not care. So, thus it was totally pointless. The End

SploookinfhaglishThis bit of randomness was thrust upon the internet without warning on Wednsday, May 7, 2003.This random, pointless moment by Datsun. Books About Lawn GnomesOnce upon a time, there was this guy.  This guy was very sad.  He was so sad that he decided to go out into his front yard and seize his lawn gnome.  He stared at it for at least 45 minutes.  He then smashed it with an umbrella.  He suddenly felt happy.The guy went and published his book, "Happiness Through Lawn Gnomes."  Millions of people bought it.  It didn't work.  They then smashed it with an umbrella.  Many people tried to publish, "Happiness Through Books About Happiness Through Lawn Gnomes," but only one four year old girl did.  Millions of people bought that book.It didn't work.So everybody stuffed their books in shoeboxes and flooded the guy and the girl's houses with billions of books.  But they had lawn gnomes and books about them, so they lived on in happiness for eternity.This section of randomness was shoved upon the internet without warning on Saturday, April 25, 2003.This random moment by GiganticPuffyFluffballLaundromat Tale with Inexplicably Chosen EndingThis guy walks into a laundry store, and asks for some peanuts. Guy:  Hey, give me some peanuts. Laundry Lady:  Um, we don't have peanuts, we're a laundry store. Guy:  Hey, who are you people?  Do you work for the CIA? Laundry Lady:  Um, no, who are you?  Whata are you doing here? Guy:  Stuff. Laundry Lady:  What's wrong with you?  You people drive me insane!  What are you doing here if you don't have any laundry? Guy:  Stuff. Laundry Lady:  Okay that's it. Lady smashes guy over the head with a cantelope. Guy:  Hey, you just hit me over the head with a cantelope! Laundry Lady:  Yeah, and the-- Guy:  Geez, what's wrong with you? Laundry Lady:  Well you're the-- Guy:  I'm not playing hide and seek with you any more! Laundry Lady:  What-- Guy leaves, slamming door.  Ants start to eat the cantelope.  Lady cries, and small rat living in a hole in the store implodes, leaving the cat furious.

[namuneulbo]

week seventy-two

ill tell u some highlights and then a longer conclusion of this weekend.

- won music quiz! free cider!

- restarted animal crossing!

- messaged walmart gerard again, hoping hell see it TT

went to umeå to write the swedish scholastic aptitude test. the travelling was so tiring TT i drove to the port (w mom ofc, i dont have my license yet) and we arrived just in time bc the check-in ended at 16:15 and we got there 16:16 and they were luckily nice enough to let me check in TT i did surprisingly well considering i tend to get anxious on ferries lol

like, 25 minutes before we were arriving to the port in sweden, i went to the info desk to ask ab how the buses worked and stuff and the guy there said i had to book it three hours before... i got so nervous ab not getting back but i ended up just waiting w everyone for the bus later and the bus driver allowed me to just buy a ticket right on the bus so ferry person lied to me.

anyways, i was just very happy i got to go on but once we arrived in umeå i still had quite a long walk from the bus stop to my hotel but thankfully it was more central than i thought it would be bc i was prepared to sob from being alone in the dark in some weird alleys or something. i arrived and the hotel was actually really nice and my nose started to bleed like a minute after walking into my room lol ALSO my room was on the highest floor, floor seven??? thats kinda epic.

slept horribly and my neighbours being incredibly loud did not help at all. i woke up a bunch of time as well bc i was terrified of sleeping through my alarm. i didnt get to have proper breakfast either bc breakfast opened at 7:30 and i had to leave at 7:40.

five tests ! math - math - swe/eng - math - swe/eng. i was surprised i didnt absolutely die. one of the assistants were cute and they were the one to like always hand out papers on my side of the room.

after having done all the tests on no proper food i walked back to the hotel, ordered max and just relaxed until i went to bed at like,, 22:00. i slept a littleeee better this time but still horribly. i usually sleep so well at hotels but i think it was just the circumstances, yk, being scared of not waking up in time and missing the test and the bus to the port.

i also matched w a kurtis conner lookalike but they have not messaged me since last night and im gonna sob they were the one fr (apart from walmart gerard he will always be The 1 4 me). we talked ab tattoos bc i messaged them first, complimenting their patchwork sleeves and they jokingly replied w “thanks! i like yours too!” (for context, i do not have any tattoos). i asked them what their fav tattoo of theirs were and they were like “idc, i really like all of them but maybe the one on my stomach” and i was like “ooo what do u have on ur stomach?” and they just... never replied. i am truly so sad, they were so cute.

today is sunday, as it always is when im writing these posts. i got up 30 minutes before my alarm rang and got ready to go down for breakfast. had scrambled eggs, pancakes, bread and half a banana. i forgot to take juice and the  scrambled eggs tasted ass. went back up to my room and did my makeup. my eyeliner turned out flawless on the first try on BOTH SIDES. i slayed putting on lipstick as well. right now im on the ferry. i had the same mozzarella sandwich i did on the way here and had pepsi max w it again too. i did actually look for some chocolate at the shop but they had no good stuff that wasnt ridiculously expensive.

sotw: the smiths - that joke isnt funny anymore

[emotionalcharley]

rant

hi guys :) hope everybody's had a good week. just wanted to come on here and say somethings that i need to get off my chest. lifes been kinda sucking lately. i haven't been feeling happy lately and it sucks. and ive tried explaining how im feeling but no one understands- not even my best friends. which sucks because when i told them, they sounded so uninterested and it felt like they where kinda like ¨wtf¨. ive been having these horrible migraines on the right side of my temple that hurt to no worlds end. i dont know if its because im graduating soon and the boot is kinda nudging my butt saying ¨time to grow up!¨ but it hurts. ive been feeling so unmotivated and uninterested in certain things that use to interest me so much. i dont even feel motivated enough to get up and make myself something to eat. i just push it away and manipulate myself into thinking that im not hungry. i feel kinda pushed to the side lately. the only two people that really make me feel happy is these two girls in one of my classes. but i understand that not everybody is going to like me but i wish people gave me a chance to see that im pretty nice and funny. or so i think i am. i pride myself as sort of a comedian :D. back to the sadness thing, it started at the beginning of october and its been a pain. trust me i try to change and feel something other than weak and tired but my body just screams at me to go home and lay down. like today, i tried to keep my energy happy but i just ended up having a tear fest just as i exited the school doors. and one of my best friends didn't make it any better. she just came up to me and started telling me about how ive been mean to her this past week. and in all honestly i was like, what... this girl literally ignored me the day before when walking into one of our teachers class and so i took it as a hint to leave her alone. and the first thing she does when she sees me after me telling her about not feeling mentally okay is criticism for not treating her the way she wants to be treated :( it really hurt me because i thought the first thing she would do is hug me and tell me that its going to be okay and that im just overwhelmed by school but no. but i also understand that if i was ignored, i would feel hurt to but i didnt want to be around her because i already know how she is, shell start asking me and begging me to tell her if shes the reason im so down and start asking if she did something wrong and even if i where to tell her that she isnt the reason, she wont believe me, i already know. thats why i dont even- idk. but in my friendships i always feel like i have to be the one to reach out and tell them something because if i wouldn't then they wouldn't even know i exist. every morning i text the groupchat ¨goodmorning¨ with a smile and a nice message and i'd be lucky if i get one of them to heart it. i hate it. i feel like im so unimportant to them. and- i know this is stupid but they do this all the time, im always the last one to find out about everything. she tells our other best friend but they dont tell me until the last minute and it sucks because then i can never go because i dont have a ride. idk i guess its just againt the rules of the universe for a capricorn to ever talk about their feeling so i messed up on blurting out to them about my feelings and it all went kinda down hill. i miss being me. the me that was actually happy and excited to go to school and prepared for everything! now i feel like everything is weighting down on my shoulders and im so tired. im exhausted and honestly, i just want to sleep. and thats what im gonna go do right now! so, sorry for the long one but thats it for today. i still have a lot to spill so ill probably be back tomorrow for rant number two :) good night everybody

love, charlie <3

[justcallmedust]

Saturday night ... I think I left a blurb about this already but I just remembered something...

He came in drunk, kneeled on the couch nd jammed his knee into my back while I was sleeping, scaring me awake. It was around 2 am. He was asking, then demanding I come into the bedroom with him because he sleeps better if I lay there next to him while he falls asleep, like a toddler. He did the whole thing, leaning into me pressing his face into mine and growling spitting at me. Ripped my blanket off of me and tossed it all the way out into the mudroom onto the mat everyone wipes their dirty shoes on. He then proceeded to tell me that he pays for me and I have to do what he says. He repeatedly asked me, while laughing maniacally, ‘how much money have you contributed to the house in the last 3 months?’ (which is exactly how long its been since I left my job). No answer was ok, and any sylable I uttered was instantly met with him yelling “see see, it’s nothing you contribute nothing”. There is no right way to deal with him when he is like this, I have to just take the abuse until he fizzles himself out and eventually falls asleep. 

4 years ago, when he forced me to go back to work even though my kids still actively needed me there, I thought maybe he will change his thoughts about me. I quickly learned that would never happen, I dont even understand how I thought it would.. I mean he has been abusive to me for so many years, why would he stop? So, I thought I’ll just work really hard and make enough to leave him. No matter how much I tried to save, it didnt matter because once he bought this house and we finally moved I had to spend all my savings on renting a truck and big things that needed fixing. Of course, just months after we moved everything got shut down and I was instantly losing money because the store had to close early and like most people I could not come in any earlier. Pair that with his inability to work with anyone and constantly switching jobs because ‘everyone else on the planet is an asshole’.. and even before gas prices rose we were just scraping by. Even though I had legit burnout and needed to seperate myself from that toxic work environment, the gas eventually made it a complete loss to keep driving there. Despite that, I probably would not have left if my daughter didnt get sexually assaulted by her boyfriend IN OUR HOUSE while I was at work and that man was outside somewhere doing his own thing, not paying a damn bit of attention to the vulnerable teenagers left alone inside the house. Nothing on earth will convince me to leave them alone again. I dont care how old they are, they deserve to feel safe in their own home.

Of course, how safe can they really feel when their father is a flaming abusive alcoholic who is constantly keeping everyone up at night with his bullshit? I vote for at least keeping them physically safe.. but that leaves me vulnerable. 

Funny thing is, he kept telling me to leave the job because it would allow him to be able to work longer and not have to rush back and be a ‘prison guard’ for his kids. He also really appreciated all of the household chores, I was not able to keep up with the entire time I worked there, actually getting done.

He also forgets how he made me lose my job when our oldest daughter was born. He was completely unable to care for her and when I went back to work he called during every shift and demanded I come home... even though it was my pay that supported us.

Conveniently, he has forgotten that I was an ebay seller which always brought in enough to cover food costs. When one of our kids turned out to be allergic to everything under the sun .. including disposable diapers .. I had to make laundry detergent and cleaning products. I made and then eventually opened 2 online shops selling cloth diapers - which more than covered the costs of diapering 3 children. That is no small thing. Most of this I did while renting an apartment without laundry facilities.. in fact, the entire town didnt even have a laundromat. So I also had to truck 3 or 4 kiddos with me to the laundromat 3 towns over at least twice a week, just to wash diapers. I’d call that a fucking huge thing.

I know I dont need the validation, but I forget these things and I need to keep reminding myself. The mental damage he has done to me over the years is criminal. 

I have to find a way out of this.

[cold-arrow]

Doctor's Notes, Book 3 : Of Hidden Horns

Entry 6

Summary, Things of note since last entry: round 2, Her ... rest, more digging, blue bear tribe, recovering at the Shadowtop cathedral, need to make more things to help my friends, foraging, Ubi, Grandfather tree, The Cult of Bane |

We kept digging throughout the night, and managed to get a bit closer to the relic i think. but when finally decided to get some rest... we were awoken and interrupted by more of the damned ghosts. I put some distance between myself and the others to help from a distance... but It wasnt nearly far enough, as far as I was concerened, it... uh. it wasnt just 4 of them this time either. but 5 And I'm sure. Absolutely certain it was HER. the others didnt seem notice but... i Knew something was wrong the moment another one showed up. it looked similar to the other spirits of the blue bear tribe at first, But the moment it noticed and saw me. her its expression changed... the others managed to take care of it pretty quickly, but i was too afraid to even approach for a bit. eventually when things died down settled down, the others began digging again. Worried that more of them might return if we dont hurry up. i immediately went to help again, once i saw what the others were doing ( and after I'd calmed down a bit.) didnt want to stay in that place any longer then i had to. Dont think ill be sleeping anytime soon for the next few days anyways. *note I dont know if Lym think's she's funny, but i do Not appreciate her acting as if she is possessed .

|

we continued digging even until after the sun had risen, but we we're eventually halted by the Actually living tribesfolk of the blue-bear tribe showing up. they were understandably confused by our presence, but thank the gods, that they werent immediately hostile. They were even friendly enough to help us out with digging after a bit of converstation. it seems that whatever is buried here, is causing the spirits of their ancestors to.... haunt this place. Which apparently is not an intentional effect to guard this place, upon further inquiring with the tribesfolk. Their ancestors should have moved on, but cant for some reason. I am becoming increasinlgy worried as to what the buried relic here actually is. I took another hour or two, but with the extra hands we managed to uncover the object / relic beneath the tree. it appears to be a giant skull. ( upon further study I think its a frost giant skull, considering that there are some signs of elemental adaptation to arctic environments) Its also clear now that whatever the source of the necromantic energy was, was tied to the skull, and is now suddenly gone . I think that after we uncovered skull, whatever spell or magic was put in on it, got broken as soon as we removed it from the earth it was buried in, and away from the tree. I worry though as to who or what put this "curse" here...

after a quick break we helped the tribesfolk fill the hole, and they were actually happy to let us take the skull with us, seeing as it was the source of their restless and disrupted ancestors.

|

We are currently resting at the Shadowtop Cathedral, and are finally taking the oppertunity to recover and recuperate a bit. Baras had a quick conversation with the old treant as to our purpose, Liverlas i think his name was, before leaving and letting us be. it seems that Ubi has disappeared with him though. I wonder where he's gone of to. Lym and her brother had quite a heated argument before we got off the ship. the strange and distant behaviour of her brother when he's on the ship or wearing the mask is more starting to irritate, then worry her at this point. she eventually tried to take the scarf away from him by force to prove a point, but... While still wearing the mask i could see that he was afraid. terrified of something or what might happen if he were to take it of. the only reason i managed to pick up on it myself is because of my own... paranoia and fear. it seemed quite similar somehow. I informed Lym of my observation and just to keep it in mind next time she talks to her brother I'm almost certain there is some magical effect on the scarf but whenever i try my usual methods to determine the properties of something, i just appears to be just a normal scarf.... I wonder why * also after she took the scarf it, suddenly vanished. when we got back to ship, it somehow and ended up in Lehel's possession again. how... ?

|

Baras seems to be tinkering with his staff which im quite curious about, while Omrick is maintaining his equipment and Lym is practicing the flute. I myself currently going over my inventory and resources, thought id do some prep work for tomorrow. Ive asked Lym if she could perhaps help me forage and look for components, and our expedition in the the forrest was actually quite fruitful thanks to her. Still dont have to last thing i need. but i picked up a impressive amount of hard to come by poisonous berries. These should still very much come in handy for some of my other projects. saves me from having to buy more ingredients. after a day or two, Ubi has returned and made his way back to us. he still startles me, whenever one of the bushes nearby suddenly spring to life, but its good to see he is alive and well. He is a lot bigger/taller then last we saw him though, im pretty sure. i dont know what he did or consumed in the time while he was away, but it sure was effective/potent.

| we have left the cathedral shortly after Ubi's return and set out to finally close in on the Grandfather tree. event at this distance, the tree seems already a lot bigger then any of others in its surrounding. if it isnt the oldest tree in the forest, then it has to be the most magical i assume. im currently doing a final checkup on my equipment before i climb down from the ship as well. after traversing through the forrest a bit, we came upon a group of ominous looking cloaked figures. And by Lym's reaction to their appearance, they are likely cultists of bane. I worry as to what business they have here in the forest. Are the planning something, or are looking for Lym ? we managed to defeat them, thankfully. wel... most of them. the leader fled away, or flew away to be exact. which is a bit worrying. I really hope he doesnt return with more backup They did have some rather terrifying magic at their disposal. most of it was directed and thrown at Omrick, but i got a taste of it as well. on the plus side, I was finally able to test the adranline elixer i made. and I am quite satisfied with the results. the side effects a little less so, but thats to be expected. Nevertheless, Omrick's combat prowess was significantly increased and he was able to utilize this new found speed / alacrity remarkably well. his reaction time, momentum and additional strength allowed him to easily keep up and overpower his opponents. When I lost concentration however due to the cult leader directing their magic at me, the effect wore of and the lethargy caught up with Omrick, putting him in a rather precarious spot, as well as turning the tides of the fight, when i got knocked out. * the after / side effects of haste are a lot more volatile then i expected and i will have to do my best to prevent / mitigate them to the best of my ability. the seconds lost when the effects ware of can be quite devastating depending on the situation i fear.

[lyms fear] Lym managed to get me back up after i was knocked unconsious, but she had a quite a hard time during the fight. While Baras was able to deal and incinerate most of the them at the start. their numbers end terror proved to be still quite problematic. Lym didnt seem sure on what to do or how to deal with them, and had to grit her teeth when me and Omrick got put in a rough spot. everything turned out alright in the end fortunately, and we survived. but the fight took quite a lot out of us. using the rod Vonidod, i was able to locate the cult leader after the fight, when he teleported and flew away. But it doesnt seem like its worth it to chase him. i still think he would have more answers as to what their business was here in the forest, but Lym doubts it. she's about the interrogate one of the other cultists instead. And looks as if she about to deal with some pent up frustration. Im not sure if i want/should witness as to what her methods are for extracting information.

[xgryffinwhore]

september nights

request:  i was wondering if you could write another soft bill smut? i don’t really have a specific plot in mind, we’re just really lacking content on tumblr rn :( in some really precarious place where they don’t want to get caught

warnings: soft smut, like i mean very soft.

word count: 2118

before your lips met bill denbrough’s, love was always, to say the least, a conundrum. lets be real for second, boys wasted your time, and you let them. only the cute ones of course. you are a hopeless romantic, drunk off of molly ringwald and john travolta films. you wanted any relationship you had to be just like the movies.

through your heart breaks, your best friends stood by you, your losers. eddie, richie, bev, stan, ben, and bill. for each tear you shed a punch was thrown to the man who caused it, they were protective over you. bill the most though, he always got so defensive when you were in the mix. all throughout middle & high school, bill has had to deal with every guy who even dares to think about breaking your heart.

“its not fair bill” you wailed into your pillow. he stroked your back and hushed you, his eyes welling with tears. “im never fucking good enough for any guy and its so fucking sad!” your complaints being cut off mid sentence by a choked out cry. “y-y/n. all of y-your boyfriend are i-idiots. anyone w-who would d-d-do this to you isnt w-worth your t-time. anyone w-would be the luckiest in the w-world to have y-you in their life” you picked your head up and looked at him with swollen lips and blood shot eyes “there no one out there for me bill, no one.” 

he bit his lip, fighting back any tears dripping from his eyes “they j-just dont see how p-pretty you are. how g-gentle and caring and s-s-sweet, and h-how your face c-can light up any room. theyre f-fucking idiots, and you d-deserve m-more.” you clearly thought he was being nice, because you could take a MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN hint, so you replied “i wish there was someone out there like you, for me, that thinks of me the way you do.” 

he furrowed his brows, tossing his head back and running his fingers furiously through his hair. “d-dammit y/n!” he cursed “cant you s-see what ive b-been trying to say? w-w-what ive been t-trying to say f-for the last f-five years!?!” your expression was bewildered, your brain was going a mile a minute trying to figure out what he meant. his frustration got the best of him, he got up and stormed out the door,  feeling embarrassed and stupid for trying to make you understand how he felt.

he was half way out your front door, fuming for his keys lodged deep into his front pocket; when suddenly:

“bill!”

his head turned at the call of his name, “y-y/n please i d-”

smack.

your lips locked with his, he rain pouring heavily outside. bills lips stilled at the contact, but this lasted briefly, he deepened this kiss by pulling you in to his abdomen by your mid back. your bunched the front of his base ball t shirt with your fists, and he did the same but with your hair.

the rest is basically history.

now six months later, and you couldnt have been happier. bill knew how to treat you, nights out twice a week (you always wanted to pay but bill insisted,) holding your hand to and from classes, he let you borrow have his varsity baseball jacket, which smelt just like him and was a little too big for you. 

when he would drop you off and your classes, he would always grab your hand and transfer a tiny piece of paper into your palm. when you got into class to unfold it, it was always a cute little message about his love for you. 

bill had it bad for you, everyone knew that, and you loved every minute of it. he met every and any standard you had, and exceeded your expectations. 

it was september, still warm enough in derry to wear shorts, so you and your friends thought of a last hurrah for the ending of the summery weather.

“camp out, its nearly perfect” Richie exclaimed. eddie rolled his eyes “like youve ever been near anything perfect toizer, do you even know what perfect means?” richie shoved eddie “yeah eddie i actually have. have you seen amanda’s tits?”

 you tuned out richie and eddies bickering as you’re boyfriend cleared his throat. “you g-gonna go?” he said into your ear, “only if you promise to wear bug spray bill, you know how bad-” he cut you off with a kiss, his mouth forming a small smile at how cute you were. “get a room, honestly” stan poked, pda wasn’t his favorite... “at least i h-have something to k-kiss aye s-stannie”

you arrived at the edge of the forest, parking your car at the last parking ish space. you walked toward the sounds of ben and richie fighting, and came to see that richie really went all out. three tents, sticks for a fire, and more snacks than anyone needed. 

you all spent the remanence of the daylight dancing in the light sky, sharing stories, and eating waaaay too many chips. it was dark now, you all huddled in a circle near the fire; making small talk and trying not to admit you were all very tired.

“ok folks, im off to bed” richie yawned “me stan eddie n’ mike will take the green tent, bev and ben in the red.” richie paused and smirked over at you and bill, you were tangled in his limbs, golfed in his navy blue pull over. “and uh- heh- billy boy and y/n in the yellow tent eh?” you could practically feel bills eye roll, god richie was so immature.

“w-we dont have to s-sleep in the s-s-same tent, i c-can ask ben if he’d s-switch” you look up at bill and reassure him “bill no- its not a big deal, right?” he tucks your hair behind your ear and kisses the side of your temple “c-course not.”

you both went into the tent, bill began to unroll the blankets you both had packed tightly into your bags. You both set up your makeshift bed, bill leaned against a pile of pillows while you hugged his side, your face buried in his neck. his smell was absolutely intoxicating; his skin had remanence of his milk and honey body wash, but it was slightly overpowered by wintergreen, clove, and his bourbon cologne. 

you were like this for around an hour, the orange crank-powered lantern being the only source of light. you switch positions though, you now laid your head on his lap, reading a magazine you stole from the hair salon. he watched your eyes scan every letter, when you read something funny you’d huff to yourself, and when something was intresting you stuck your tongue out from between your teeth. he adored you.

“d-dont stay up t-too late” he stroked your hair off your shoulder “we have t-to have you w-well r-r-rested.” you sat up from beside him, as he adjusted the pillows and took off his pull over, then his pants. he got under the covers and waited for you.

“nice donut boxers” you laughed. “s-shut up” he blushed and regreted not changing them when he had the chance. you turned around took off your shirt, you were shy about how you looked, but it was just bill. it was just bill. you heard his breath hitch, his eagerness radiating off his body onto yours. the air became tense as you unzipped your pants and threw them to the corner. you turned around, bills pupils growing until you were completely facing him.

“yeah i know. mine are boring” you laugh nervously, brushing your hair behind your ear and getting under the covers next to him. he didnt respond, he couldnt take his eyes off of you.you began to sit up again “i can go put back on-” “n-no!” he interrupts, his blush taking up his entire face.

“i j-j-just cant b-believe i g-get to see something s-so special” he gulped “s-so b-b-b-beautiful.”

you grabbed him by his shoulders and kissed him, hard. youve been with boys before, i mean youve dated plenty of people. but no one ever called your body special. hot, yeah. nice, yeah. beautiful, sure. but no one ever thought that it was special. 

bill was a kind boy, the most you two have ever done is get each other off with your hands, always clothed. bill never asked to see more, he felt lucky enough just to make you feel good, and that was enough for him. so when you felt the heat of his hands hovering over your body but not touching it, you new you’d have to call the shots tonight.

“bill,” you laid down “just touch me everywhere, please.” he crawled in between your legs, kneeling so that he could lean over your face “m-my pleasure.”

he traced your collar, leaving small, delicate, kisses to make up for what his fingers left behind as they trailed. he kissed the valley between your breasts, licking slow striped down your skin. he picked up your upper back a little and cocked his head to the side, you nodded and he unclipped your bra. he sat their with his mouth open, taking in the view. you blushed and muttered “hey, keep that mouth to good use.” he dipped down and sucked on your nipples, his mouth felt so good against your skin grazed with goosebumps. he was gingerly with his tongue, it was sexy, it was romantic. he kissed down your stomach, his fingers sweeping down your sides. you could see his member pressing against his boxers, the pressure made him wince every once in a while. his fingers met your panties and he hooked them. again, he looked up for permission, you nodded once again. 

he brought your underwear down your legs and off, looking back to see what he had relieved. he licked his lips, getting ready to please you more than he already did. but you felt bad, bill always gave gave and gave. “its ok, im ready right now.” bill looked up at you in shock, he wasnt expecting you’d want to go all the way. “y/n, y-youre sure?” you lean up and kiss his lips, swiping your tongue against his bottom lip “please.”

he pulled down his boxers eagerly, his member sprung out to hit his stomach. he lined up with you, checking once more that it was ok. then he pushed in, bottoming out. he felt bigger than you thought, of course he was well endowed, but he filled you up so well. you mewled, the pain and pleasure making a delicious feeling that made your toes curl.

he waited, but began slowly moving after a bit. he grunted, feeling you wrapped around him was something he’d never be able to get out of his head he thought to himself. he grunted “f-fuck this feels g-good’ he grunted, his breath becoming heavy and full of lust. with every stroke, you felt yourself get more and more lost in the bliss he made you feel. “youre making me feel so good  bill” you moan, the sound of his name coming out of your mouth driving him absolutely crazy. he speeds up, loving the view of your face contorting in pleasure and your body moving with his. 

he couldnt help but feel admiration to you, your hair formed a halo around your head, and the sweat that coated your skin made you glisten in the orange light. “im t-the luckiest in the world” he husks, holding your cheek. 

you felt the knot in your core coming undone, “bill im close” you strain, trying not to be too loud so you dont wake your friends. he moved your leg up to his shoulder, hitting you from a different, deeper angle. his fingers went to your clit, making you bite your had to stop you from screaming. “you l-look so p-pretty y/n, t-taking me s-so well. making y-you feel so good.” “so good bill” you repeat, drunken off his cock and fingers. 

without warning, you came came, your legs spazzing as you moaned “fuck bill” he followed, his hips stuttering, as he cried out into your shoulder. he pulled out and laid next to you, both of you breathing heavily and coming off your highs. 

“y/n” he looked at you “t-that was really j-just wow- thank y-you.” you kissed him, chaste and sweet “that was great yeah?” “it w-was perfect babe. t-thank you f-for t-that. i love you y-y/n.”

“i love you too bill.”

he sat up, his fingers dancing on your inner thigh.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

“c-can we p-please do t-that again?”

[miiracleangel]

midnight moments

with the hot middle blocker squad

Suna, Tsukishima, Mattsun, Kuroo and Tendo

how i feel some midnight talks with some of our favorite middle blocker boys would go.

⚠︎︎ light nsfw and mentions of nsfw but it’s mainly fluff and chaos with tendo

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

Suna

Your lift your head up from your boyfriends chest to look at the time.

2:34am

“Fuck me” you whisper to yourself annoyed

“How can you think about fucking at a time like this” your boyfriend sleepily asks startling you. Moving his body from under you and flipping you both over with his body hovering over yours.

“ You scared me, i didn’t know you were up” you said while looking wide eyed at the ceiling while your boyfriend starts kissing at your neck and trailing down your chest before coming to a halt.

“Wait so you didn’t say that to me?”

“No Rin I was mostly talking to myself but please continue” you say quietly and amussed.

“Fuckkk thattt i’m going back to sleep” he says as a pout forms on your face watching him lay his head on your chest.

“Talk to me Rin”

“about?”

“anything”

“Alright well today Osamu “accidentally” rolled the ball cart into Astumu today and instead of apologizing Osamu punched Atsumu in the face”

“Wh-“

“Apparently Atsumu ate Osamus breakfast instead of making his own and that was his revenge”

“which one is Atsumu and which one is Osamu again”

“I don’t know”

“Rin what” he lets out a breathy laughs at your response. “Osamu has the grey hair, Atsumu has the yellow hair” he answers

“When did you finally realize you can tell them both appear?”

“two days ago”

“oh my god Rin”

“I’m playing it’s been awhile, it’s not exactly hard to tell them apart.” he mumbles. His fatigue soon taking over.

“I keep mixing up their names” you tell your boyfriend as he reaches for his phone and starts scrolling through it and brings it to your face.

“You took a video instead of stopping them?”

“yes”

“why”

“That requires me to actually do something about the situation instead of enjoy it”

“Alright Rin” you laugh as he lifts his body up to lay back next to you, laying on his stomach with a arm laid lazily across your chest. Soon sleep starts to creep upon you as well.

“Rin?”

“Sleep hoe damn”

“You’re next to be punched” he laughs at your quick remark and scoots closer to you so now you’re face to face and he plants a kiss on your lips.

“sleep” *kiss* “sleep” *kiss* “sleep-“

“I love you” you interrupt as you turn on your side to face him. Eyes closed, sleep finally taking over.

Your boyfriend smiles at your sleeping form and kisses your lips

“I love you too”

Tsukishima

“Oh my god go to sleep it’s 3am”

“cuddle me”

“why”

“Because i can’t sleep and i’m asking nicely”

Your boyfriend huffs and turns around in your bed to face you and pulls you to his chest.

“Thank you” you mumble snuggling closer to him.

“I’m gonna move”

“Don’t you dare Kei”

“Too late i’m moving” he says as he moves to lay on his back. “Now i can’t fall back asleep” he huffs.

“Wanna talk about something?” you ask moving your head to his chest as he put a hand on your back.

“Sure how about we talk about the fact my needy baby woke me up for absolutely no reason”

“ I’m gonna pretend you weren’t trying to make me sound annoying because you called me baby” you remark at him.

“You’re a pain” he remarks back

“And yet here you are next to me” you spit back.

He always loved these kinds of talks with you just back and forth with each other always wanting the last word.

He won’t admit it though you’ll use that shit against him.

“I’m here because you wanted to date me” he continues.

“You asked me out”

“You said yes”

“I should’ve said no”

“You really should’ve” he says making you both laugh at your antics.

“Believe it or not i actually like you and enjoy your presence” you say lifting your head up from his chest and resting your chin on him instead. Seeing him smile to himself while looking up at the ceiling.

“Believe it or not” he says looking down at your face, rubbing the back of his hand on your cheek.

“I’m actually in love with you”

“That’s gross Kei” you say laughing as you scoot up to lay your head in the crook of his neck and start drifting to sleep. “I’m pretty sure i’m more in love with you though”

“That’s embarrassing” he adds

“I know” were your last mumbled words before you fell asleep leaving your boyfriend to cuddle with your sleeping form. Sleep creeping upon him as well.

“I definitely love you more” he whispers into your forehead before planting a kiss on it.

Mattsun

“Issei...Issei” you repeat your boyfriends name while poking at his nose.

“Two more minutes mom” he says with a smile on his face, opening one eye to see your pouty face.

“Awww does my widdle babie have twouble sweeping” he jokingly says with a baby voice earning a eyeroll and a smile from you. He turns over so you both are facing each other.

“Did i wake you up”

“Yeah but i woke up to your dumb face so it’s okay”

“I hate you” he laughs at your reaction and starts kissing your nose between his words.

“i’m kidding i love your face” he says smiling at the end. “You wanna talk about something”

“Like what babe” you say, your big eyes staring at him through the dark room.

“let’s play 20 questions”

“Goodnight Issei”

“I’ll start, what’s your favorite color?”

You look at your boyfriend with dead eyes.

“Y/f/c, but you knew that right”

“of course i did baby” he says with a light giggle. “okay youre turn”

“What’s your favorite food”

“ those cheese filled burger steak things, but you knew that right?” he says making fun of your last remark.

you giggle “of course i did baby”

“Okay Issei next questi-“

“Are you a virgi-“

“you know the answer to that already Issei”

“shit you right” he laughs out at he goes to hover above you and starts kissing your lips.

he flips you both over so your straddling his hips, his hands roam over your ass. Fingers tracing along the hem of your underwear as you rub your clothed slit against his growing bulge

You break the kiss and sit up, stopping your movements

Mattsun let’s out a light groan “no baby keep goin-“

“My turn, if Makki was a girl would you fuck him?”

he looks at you surprised.

“depends”

“ON WHAT”

“If he has a fat ass then maybe but if he’s as flat as he is right now then no”

you look at your boyfriend dumbfounded

“unless i’m with you then obviously not unless...”

“unless what babe?” you ask moving your body to lay next to him with your head on his chest.

“threesom-“

“good night Issei” you move to your side of the bed and face away from him as he has a laughing fit.

“no baby come back next question”

you huff “Last question” you say as he sees sleep is starting to take over your mind.

He smiles at your sleepy face “How much do you love me” he asks tracing your facial features with his fingers.

“Like THIS much” you say extending your arms as far as they go.

“Well i love you THISSS much” he says extending his longer arms the same way you did then he pulls you to lay on his chest as you soon drift to sleep.

“i love you” you mumble

“cap”

“issei”

“i love you too baby”

Kuroo

You huff as you leave your room to go get a drink in the kitchen only to be met with the time on the stove

2:38am

after your drink you slowly make your way back to your room to be met with your shirtless boyfriend sitting up on your bed.

“can’t sleep” he asks as he pulls you to lay your head on his lap as you shake your head at his question. “Talk to me”

“That’s what i’m doing right now”

“well keep talking”

he rubs his hand through his hair “What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know Tetsu tell me a joke” you say sarcasticlly just to get your boyfriend to say anythjng.

“I’d tell you a chemistry joke”

“Tetsuro”

“But i know i wouldn’t get a reaction” he says belting out his cackling laugh as you turn your head to look at him.

“nerd” you said to yourself loud enough for him to hear.

“You tell me a joke then”

“What do you do to your chemistry nerd boyfriend who keeps saying bad chemistry jokes?”

“i don’t know y/n”

“you BARIUM alive”

Kuroo laughs even louder at your joke causing you to sit up and smile at his face.

“That was good babe” he says wiping tears from his eyes.

“ I learned from the best” you say planting a kiss on his cheek.

Kuroo lays back down opening his arms to invite you to lay on his shirtless chest. You’re slowly being lulled to sleep by his heartbeat and slow breathing.

“How often do you make chemistry jokes anyway?” you ask him wondering if he annoys his teammates with the same jokes until you were pushed out your thoughts by your boyfriends giggle.

“periodically” he lets out another laugh as you roll your eyes.

“not funny didnt laugh”

“you kids don’t understand good humor”

“Kuroo you’re a month older than me” you say as he gives you another laugh

“babe”

“Tetsu”

“ You make me hotter then sulfur hydroxide mixed with ethyl acetate”

“you make me vomit” he laughs at your remark before kissing the top of your head.

You lift your head up to face him and he stares at you with an adoring face rubbing his thumb across your cheek. “don’t vomit on me” he says breaking your concentration, you roll your eyes and sit up on your elbows.

“Forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element” you say to your boyfriend before you kiss his lips to fall back asleep.

He just stares at you dumbfounded and a blushed mess.

“y/n”

“yes”

“I love you”

“I love you too nerd”

Tendo

my widdle chaotic babie

You wake up to a soft sucking feeling on your nipple and stir away to look down and see what you HOPE was your boyfriend stuffed in your shirt

“Satori?”

“mhm” he hums before releasing your nipple with a pop and wiggling his way through the top of your shirt.

“babe you’re going to stretch the shirt neckline stop” you mumble sleepiness still in your voice.

“I can’t sleep and this is my shirt anyways” he says now fully emerged so both your head and squished against each other.

you let out a breathy giggle as he kisses your cheeks “talk to me i’m boredddd” he whines.

“I can tell you a story” you said removing your arms from your shirt to hug your boyfriend who refuses to leave the comfort of inside your shared shirt.

“Make it good or i’ll bite your nipple” he threatnes scooting back down, emerging back into the shirt slowly.

“bite me nipp-AH”

he continues the light sucking on your nipples and waits for your story

“Okay fucker so Once upon a time” you started. “There was a little gremlin who woke up his master from their slumber when he SHOULD be fast asleep in his quarters.”

Tendo removes himself from under your shirt “This story sucks and it feels like an attack on my life”

He gets up and starts jumping on the bed.

“ARE U SERIOUS TORI?!”

“I. NEED. TO. SLEEP” he says between jumps.

“This isn’t the way Gizmo” you say laughing as he jumps down on his butt and laughs at the nickname.

“Gizmo wasn’t that cute when he was all angry and stuff” he pouts and you’re quick to comfort him.

“He was cute before all that and he is cute still now” you say not referring to the fictional movie character and Tendo smiles and plants a kiss on your lips.

“Come here my cute little gremlin” you continue and he takes his place cuddled next to you and gets attacked by your kisses.

“Emphasis on the cute right”he says letting you grab his face and plant kisses all around his cheeks and nose.

“of course” you say in between kisses.

He lets you continue the attack of kisses. Loving the attention from you.

“Do you love me?” he interrupts

“Of course Satori” he hums at your response and hugs you into his chest.

“Okay so that means you will stay with me forever?” he whispers back making it sound more like a demand than a question cuddling closer to you to fell back asleep.

“That was a little random but sure”

“Just cuddle me bitch”

“I am you cunt”

[the-s1lly-corner]

What do you think would happen if jack got to interact with his old non demon self? Maybe via memory shenanigans or something IDK

I feel like if he saw himself before the events that led him to be a demon he'd basically be like

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRcmmsLx/

Eyeless Jack interacting with his past self

ooooo okay so i saw this last night when you sent this in but it was late and i didnt want to write something while i was tired so !! here we are!! not going to dive into any scenarios on how he meets up with his non-fucked self so! this might be a little shorter + might add some more eye jack (get it?) hcs... idk we'll see ehehe

okokok so jack hcs before he got wrapped up in the cult... i think i mentioned this somewhere but jack was studying to go into the medical field, so hes fairly knowledgeable on things regarding the topic... also its a little funny but messed up that he has to utilize his passion to gather kidneys and other human bits (which he genuinely detests in my take, hes still human in there and has his humanity and stuff)

even before everything jack wasnt much of a social person, preferred to keep to himself in his dorm, rarely spoke to his dorm-mate though was friendly with him

likely gets roped into the cult thing after befriending one of the members, be it they were a student or lived in town is up in the air for now but one things leads to another and...

had heterochromia, one dark brown eye one lighter brown eye! had very bad eyesight, though.. needed glasses to read stuff. i like to think he kept one of those little cloths in his pocket... i think he keeps those on him out of habit even after losing his eyes

that also brings up a question; despite being eyeless many people write that jack can still see (at least with what i interacted), personally i write that hes partially possessed and thats the reasoning he can still see (among the other bodily changes happening to him) ...though im unsure if he still retains his bad eyesight shrugs whatre you guys' thoughts

okokok onto actually meeting his past self.. a lot of feelings

i think above all the other feelings he would feel mad. real mad, i mean he was tricked into something. he finally decided to try to be more open and friendly to others only to get punched in the face and twisted into this thing

lots of feelings and thoughts

its like how when you see something so upsetting you want to destroy it, or harm it in some way. i think it would be the same with jack here, just to... himself..

i think every now and then, on the rare occasion he sleeps... he has dreams where hes back where he was before everything. always wakes up irritated on those nights

but if he had to actually interact with his past self... like actually be able to talk to him and stuff... i do think that even through his rage he would be able to collect himself enough to warn his past self

though that imposes time line stuff and things gumming up and im not about to touch that... though this entire prompt implies something going on but... at least thats assuming this isnt an illusion and it really is him but

shrugs

tldr; very very angry and tries to change the past even if he knows nothing can be done

[flowersbby]

Drawn to You | Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader

Warning:  Makeout, This is a lil long (I got carried away)

Word count: 3859

It was a typical night for you. You had your music playing faintly in the background while you were writing notes for your anatomy & physiology class when you felt your phone vibrate violently on your desk, which caused your French bulldog, Royal, to wake up from his snoring slumber on your lap. With an annoyed huff, you pick up your phone and notice your best friend Rae had texted you numerous times.

Rae 😴

Hey!

Among Us!

Now!

Need 10th person!

Pleaseeeeee

You stared at the messages for a minute. You were confused on why she asked you of all people. You were the opposite of the many streaming friends she had who were loud, funny, and all around GOOD at games. Your shy character would not fit well on her stream and you knew that. Plus, the only games you’ve played are Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, which requires no communication with people and you preferred it that way.

You

Why me? I’m in the middle of writing notes.

Rae 😴

There’s this person I want you to meet!

He’s really nice and you’ll warm up to the group in no time, I promise!

I won’t let them be mean to you 😤😤

They’re nice ppl anyway so they wont be mean lol

You

Okay.. let me load up my discord

Rae 😴

Yayy!

I already bought among us for you last time I was over so you’re good to go!

‘What? When did she find the time to buy the game for me? We were literally together the whole time she was here.’ You thought, but quickly dismissed it and loaded up discord. Right as you got online, you got an invite from Rae. You quickly grabbed your headset and adjusted your mic before joining the call. You petted Royal in an attempt to calm your nerves as you saw 9 peoples profile pictures appear in front of you. You only recognized Rae’s, of course.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Rae exclaimed, “Guys, this is my best friend (Y/N)! Introduce yourselves!”

“Hi, I’m Toast!” Said the man with the toast icon. You smiled at his profile picture. You found it cute.

“I’m Jack!” Said an Irish voice. You know Jack. You used to watch his videos a lot.

“I’m Poki!” Said a girl with a really sweet voice, “Nice to meet you!” You were about to say hello back when someone else chimed in.

“Hello, I’m Felix!” You recognized that Swedish accent. He was the most well known YouTuber, of course.

“Nice to meet you!” Said a really soft voice, “I’m Sykkuno!” His voice reminded you of an anime boy. You smiled to yourself.

“Hi, I’m Lily!” Said a really cute and high pitched voice. 

“Hi everyon-” You went to introduce yourself properly until you got cut off.

“I’m Corpse.” Said a deep, attractive voice. Your eyes widened for a second, his voice catching you off guard.

“H-hello,” You attempt to say hello again but this time you’re a little shaken up by Corpse’s voice, but you get it together by petting Royal once again. “I’m (Y/N). It’s nice to meet you all!”

“Your voice is so adorable!” Says Lily. You smile at the fact that someone who’s voice is equally as adorable complimented yours.

“Thank you!” You respond, “Your voice is adorable too, Oh my God!” 

Lily giggles at your compliment. “Alright!” Exclaimed Rae, “Ready to play (N/N)?” You quickly realized you forgot to load up Among Us before hand. You were silently kicking yourself for not doing such a simple thing. Now they’re gonna have to wait longer to play because of you and they already waited long enough for you to join the discord call.

“Um..” You stall as you hurriedly click on the Among Us icon. “I’m so sorry. I forgot to load it up.. but it’s loading right now!” Your eyes are glued to the screen as if it’ll make the game boot up faster. 

“That’s okay.” Said Corpse in the most kind voice. “It won’t take that long.” You feel heat rushing to your cheeks just by hearing his voice. Who is this man and why is he making you feel like this?

They all agreed with Corpse and continued chatting about whatever they were chatting about before you joined the call. You were half listening as you were trying to figure out what to do as the game loaded up. Just as you were about to ask Rae, Corpse sent you the game code through a private message. You typed “Thank you!” as you quickly entered your name and then the game code.

“Woo! (Y/N)’s here!’ Said Rae happily. “Choose your color and your hat!” ‘Where do I do that?’ You thought to yourself but quickly found it. You wanted to be pink but it wouldn’t let you choose it.

“Why isn’t it letting me choose pink?” You asked. 

“It’s because Corpse is pink.” Explained Lily. “He took it from me too.” She said with a sad, but funny, tone.

“I can be a different color.” Corpse said and quickly changed his color from pink to white. 

“Oh, Thank you!” You said happily and picked a flower to match it.

“No problem.” He said and you could hear the smile in his voice. It made butterflies appear in your stomach.

“Are you kidding me?!” Said a laughing Lily. “I literally ARGUED with you about letting me have pink!”

“I sense something happening...” Cooed Rae in a sing songy voice. The whole group then erupted in “Ooooo’s”. This made you blush. You covered your face even though they couldn’t see you and Corpse chuckled, which only made you blush more.

Before the game started they all explained to you how to play so you wouldn’t be lost. This calmed your nerves a bit and when the game started you were happily going around the ship completing your tasks. Watering the plants was your favorite so far since you found it satisfying how the plants grew. You saw Corpse run up to you and you made your character step away a bit because you didn’t want to get killed. He instead ran circles around you and you decided to follow him for the rest of the game for safety. You both encountered Rae and Toast by the vending machines but didn’t think much of it and waited for Corpse to finish his task. Until Rae killed you and Toast killed Corpse. “A double kill?!” You shouted to yourself, causing Royal to wake up and slowly get off your lap. “I’m sorry buddy..” You said to him as he laid down in his dog bed. You turn your attention back to the screen as someone found you and Corpse’s dead bodies.

“Um, bodies found by the vending machines.” Said Felix who didn’t sound all too confident. “Jack where were you?” He asked.

“I was in..” As Jack was about to explain himself you heard a ‘pop’ emit from your headphones and saw a red dot by the messages icon. You clicked it and saw it was a message from Corpse. You completely stopped caring about the arguing going on through your headphones as Jack was trying to claim innocence.

“I like your flower :)” It read. You smiled big and immediately typed back.

Your fingers hovered over the keys thinking about what to type back but you settled on a simple “Thank you :D”.

After two games or so everyone got tired and decided to head out. You all said your goodbyes and watched as each person slowly began to leave the call. You didn’t want to leave until you were sure everybody was gone. Everybody left but Corpse. “Hey..” He said, sounding a little shy but it was probably just because he was tired.

“Hi!” You said a little too excited. You immediately wished you could reword what you said a little calmer.

“So, uh..” He began, “Could I possibly get your number? For Among Us games I mean?” He didn’t sound too sure of himself but him asking this made you beam with excitement.

“Of course.” You said calmer than before, “But I don’t know what help I’d be as I’m terrible at this game.” You giggled.

You typed in chat your number, your fingers shaking slightly. “Nah, I liked playing with you.” He said more confident, “You make it more fun. Even though I haven’t ever spoken to you before.” He chuckled. You smiled at his words. Butterflies formed in your stomach hearing him laugh.

You and Corpse chatted a bit more until he decided he should go, but you wished you guys could have kept talking the whole night. You felt this connection with him that you couldn’t put into words. It felt so easy for you to talk to him and you didn’t feel as nervous around him as the others you met today. There was something so calming about him that washed your fears away. You shook your head from the thoughts and told yourself that you just met him today, you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself but it was hard not to.

You were laying in your bed scrolling through twitter when you got a text.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

hey its corpse

is this (Y/N)?

Your heart skipped a beat. You were excited Corpse texted you so fast, hoping you two could continue talking.

You

That’s me!

I thought you were going to sleep?

Corpse🥺🖤

nah i hardly ever sleep i just left because i didnt want to keep you up

i really enjoyed playing with you

You

I enjoyed playing with you too

We should play together again soon

Corpse🥺🖤

definitely

You’ve begun to become really good friends with Corpse over the past week. You and him would facetime each other whenever you could. You always were on facetime with him, actually. Whenever you were studying, you guys were talking. Whenever he was editing, you guys were talking. When you were about to go to bed, you guys were talking. 

Right now, you guys were facetiming as you were studying for an upcoming exam and he was trying to stay awake. You liked having him around when you were studying even if it was through a phone. You didn’t feel pressured to talk or have to worry about an awkward silence with him. It was comfortable silence.

You started to worry that you were keeping him up, though. “You can go to bed if you want,” You said softly as you looked up from your textbook to the black screen propped up against a few books. “ I don’t want to keep you up. You need some rest.”

“No..” He muttered, “I like having you around..”

“I like having you around too Corpsie but we can talk when you wake up.” You told him a little sternly in an effort to convince him to go to bed.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked out of the blue.

You paused before answering and shifted your gaze to the black screen once again. “Yeah sure, go ahead.” 

“Do you want to maybe stay over here for a bit?” He asked, “Whenever you’re free, I mean. If you don’t want to I get that too I just feel so drawn to you I want you closer to me. Is that weird? I’m sorry if that’s weird. Actually, forget I said-”

“I’d love to come over.” You told him with a smile. “When would you want me to be there?”

“As soon as possible.” He said in his raspy, tired voice. Butterflies formed in your stomach and you felt your heart skip a beat. This man was something else.

“I can be over there in the morning..” You start, “I just have to pack and everything. Is it okay if I bring Royal? I don’t want to leave him with my sister.” You look over to Royal sleeping peacefully on your bed, snoring away.

“Hell yeah!” Corpse exclaimed, “I love animals! Bring him over.” You giggled at his excitement.

Corpse ended up falling asleep soon after and you ended the call. As you were getting ready for bed you began to think of what Corpse’s place would be like and what you guys would do. You were definitely going to show him Stardew Valley, that was for sure. You pondered the thought of you finally confessing to him that you wanted to be not just his friend, but girlfriend. You’ve been wanting to do it for awhile now but you get too scared and end up chickening out, so you figured if he liked you like you like him, he’d make the first move. You started to make up scenarios in your head about finally hanging out with Corpse in person as you drifted off to sleep, hearing Royal snoring peacefully in the background.

It was the next morning and as soon as you woke up you changed into your favorite outfit and began to pack. You didn’t know how long you were staying for but you decided to pack about 2 weeks worth of clothes just to be on the safe side. Royal was sitting on the floor watching you as you hurried from your closet to the suitcase on your bed. You were happily humming as you were excited about the day. You heard your phone buzz and you quickly grabbed it from your bed as you saw the name pop up on the screen.

Corpse🥺🖤

hey :) 

heres the address:

You

Thanks! and hello 😊

You two texted until you were ready to go. You were definitely NOT looking forward to driving two and a half hours from LA to San Diego but you were so excited to see Corpse that the dread of the long car ride washed away.

You put Royal into his harness and plopped him in the back seat. He looked at you confused since he rarely ever gets to go for rides in the car. “We’re going to see a friend!” You tell him while petting his head. He then laid down and began to close his eyes.

After what seemed like forever you were finally outside Corpse’s apartment. You grabbed Royal and attached his leash to his harness and then proceeded to grab your giant (and heavy) suitcase out of the trunk. You struggled getting the suitcase up the apartment building stairs but you managed. You felt a sense of relief that his apartment building had an elevator so you didn’t have to deal with more stairs. The ones at the entrance were enough. While you were waiting for the elevator to take you to his floor you took this opportunity to text him.

You

On my way up!

Almost immediately after you sent it he read it. He started typing but the three dots quickly disappeared. Before you could question it the elevator doors opened to his floor. “Come on, Bud!” You said to Royal and motioned for him to go ahead. Royal got up from his sitting stance and lead the way. After passing 2 other doors, you were at Corpse’s. You knocked two times.

You heard shuffling on the other side and the door knob turning shortly after. Before you knew it, Corpse was in front of you. His eyes were looking at yours. You immediately smiled. “Hi.” Corpse said with a slight smile as well.

“Hi..” You said shyly. You didn’t know how to react now that he was in front of you and not behind a screen. He stepped aside and motioned for you to come inside. You entered his apartment and set your suitcase by the couch. Royal was pawing at Corpse’s leg, begging for pets.

“Aww, hi buddy!” Corpse said excitedly. “He’s so well behaved.” Corpse was talking to you now.

“Yeah, it took work though.” You laughed slightly. “Your place is really nice.” You said as you looked around. You noticed all of his mirrors were covered up, but you decided not to ask him about that. He probably had his reasons.

“Thank you.” Corpse said as he looked at you. “You look pretty.”

You blushed and turned your head away from him so he couldn’t see your pink cheeks. “Thank you.”

Corpse cleared his throat, “So uh, I don’t have a guest bedroom so I’ll take the couch for however long you want to stay.”

You quickly shot your head at him. “No no no I’m not letting you sleep on the couch in your own apartment.” You argued with him.

“Well, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.” Corpse stated.

“Then we’ll share your bed.” You said with a shrug and headed towards his room to set your suitcase down, Royal following closely behind you. You didn’t see anything wrong with it. You and Rae share one whenever you guys sleep over at each other’s house and you thought this was no different

“O-okay.” He responded and quickly followed after you, “So, this is my room.” he said as you and him both entered.

“I like it!” You exclaimed as you looked around. You liked how dark it was in there. You smiled at him and he smiled back at you. That smile.. You thought and quickly fumbled with your suitcase as you set it down by his closet. Corpse came closer to you.

“Can I give you a hug?” Corpse said a little shyly, as if I’d say no.

“Of course!” You said and wrapped your arms around his neck. He was taken aback but quickly put his hands around your waist. You caught a whiff of his mild cologne which made you want to stay in the hug a little longer. You didn’t want to be weird though and pulled away from the embrace.

“I’m really happy you’re here.” He said as he looked into your eyes. I could kiss him right now, oh my God. Your mind raced, but you managed to get out some words.

“I am, too.” You said.

It’s only been about a day since you’ve been over at Corpse’s. Sharing the bed seems to be no big deal as he barely seems to sleep. You so far liked being there with him.

Right now, you were on the phone with an overly excited Rae.

“You’re at his HOUSE?!” She yelled excitedly in your ear. Your face cringed a little bit from the yelling.

“Yeah,” You told her, “He has a really nice place.” You said as you scanned his living room.

“I knew you guys would hit it off!” Rae said, “I should be a matchmaker or something.” You blushed at her comment.

“Nothing’s happened yet.” You said quietly, not wanting Corpse to hear you.

“Girl, you’re at his house.” Rae said in a obvious tone. You rolled your eyes.

“This could just mean he likes having me over as a FRIEND.” You told her. You were hoping that wasn’t the case though and Corpse did have feelings for you. You smiled at the thought.

“You are so oblivious.” Rae said with a sigh, “Anyway, I gotta go workout. Love ya! Hope everything goes well!” She said the last part in her sing songy voice.

“Love you too!” You said back and ended the call. What do I do now? You thought. Corpse was streaming so you couldn’t hangout with him right now and your physics class isn’t till a few hours. You were hungry, though, and decided to cook some lunch for you and Corpse. It’ll be a nice surprise for him. You smiled at the thought.

You made your delicious Dorito taco salad that you love so much. You made a bowl for Corpse as well and took it to his room where he resided. He didn’t seem to be streaming anymore and was just scrolling through Twitter on his computer.

“I come with food!” You say as you place the bowl down in front of him. You seem to have startled him as he jumped slightly when you spoke. He examined the bowl suspiciously.

“What is this?” He says cautiously of your creation.

“It’s Dorito taco salad.” You explain, “It has crushed up Doritos, of course, shredded chicken, lettuce, olives, and sour cream in it.” He seemed to be skeptical of it, which was a given every time you made it for someone new, but people ended up loving it when they tasted it. You were confused as to how many people found it weird since your mom made it for you when you were a kid a ton, so you were used to the delicious lunch dish.

“Okay.” He said and took a bite of it. His eyes lit up. “Oh my god, this is so good!” He exclaimed and took another bite. You giggled with excitement that he loved it like you did.

You both ate together and laid down on the bed as you talked about random things that were going on in your lives. You guys were laughing at a joke Corpse said until Corpse got serious.

“I have to tell you something.” Corpse said and looked into your eyes.

“Okay,” You said confused, “Go ahead.”

He took a deep breath. “I like you.” He confessed, “Like, romantically. I have for awhile now actually and I don’t know what it is about you and I thought I was done with love but you make me feel so happy and different from anyone else I’ve talked to. You don’t have to feel the same way but I couldn’t keep my feelings in for any longer.”

You paused for a moment. Is this actually happening? Are you in a dream? “I like you too, Corpse.” You say softly. His eyes beam with excitement..

“Really?” He asks.

You laugh at his bewilderment. “Yes, really!”

He tackles you in a hug on the bed. You giggle from his excitement. He’s on top of you and he lifts his head up from your neck to look you in the eyes. You get a rush of emotions as you see the care and love in his eyes as he’s looking at you.

You blurt out what you were thinking in that exact moment. “Kiss me.”

He leans in and kisses you softly. One hand is holding him up on the bed as the other is cupping your cheek. You take one hand and tangle it in his hair. This causes him to deepen the kiss with you. The kiss turns rough. You’re both so in the moment you don’t want to come up for air but you guys manage to keep going by taking in air when your lips part for brief moments. The hand that was cupping your cheek is now next to your head, taking the responsibility of holding him up. The other hand is trailing up and down your thigh, squeezing your thigh tightly ever so often. You eventually break the heated kiss and look up at him. You were hoping he could see the love you had for him in your eyes.

“I liked that.” You say smiling.

He chuckled at your words. “I like it too.”

[strawberry-jammers]

child reader (Pt.4)

tommy x child!reader || whys he here??

someone comes to the tundra to fight the blade (also some cute fluff)

pt1 pt 2 pt3 pt4 pt5

masterlist

this took so long lmao, part 5 coming soon

This story will diverge from the cannon. Since i cant remember it well im just gonna do my own thing.

------

The three of them, techno tommy and little (y/n), lived together peacefully for a bit. Techno and tommy would occasionally spar and commit minor terrorism, while (y/n) got to play with tommy and uncle techno. 

(y/n) has grown a bit sense they had arrived there, being a happy kid like they should be.

On calm nights, techno would read to the little kid, stories of gods who ruled over the lands. Stories of himself in his times of adventure. They enjoyed all his stories, for they held a sort of unreachable curiosity that they loved oh so much.

“Im not reading you a story.” techno says. Sitting in his usual arm chair. He had come back from the nether not long before, just wanting to rest after a long day of fighting withers. He didnt expect the kid to want to hang out with him. “Pwease uncle tech!” they said. He shook his head. “I said no.” (y/n) huffed, getting off the arm of the chair, walking to the pile of books that stood in the coroner of the room. 

They looked through it, trying to find the one they wanted. Once they did, they let out a happy ‘aha!’ and stumbled to the grumpy piglin, book in hand. “This one this one! Pleaaaase!!” they said. Showing techno the book. He examined it, realizing that it was the story about himself that philza had given to him as a joke gift. His eyes widened. ‘Why would the brat wanna read about me?’ he pondered. He just sighed, gently grabbing the book from the small hands it was being held in. “Fine, fine, I'll read you the story.” 

(y/n) smiled, climbing up to sit on the piglins lap, wanting to try and read the book along with him. He huffed, not really agreeing to them sitting on him. None the less he opened the book, reading the unfinished tale to the child sitting before him.

“Once centuries ago, there was a young lad cursed to hear ungodly voices…”

Those were nights (y/n) enjoyed the most. They couldn't read, but having techno read to them was much better than reading a book all alone.

On most days Tommy would play with (y/n) outside. Neither of them got bored of the snow, being used to the sunny weather that was logstedshire. It was a nice change of pace that (y/n) enjoyed. 

The two of them usually had snow ball fights, or tried to build towers and mini houses out of the snow. Tommy would build them snowmen, ones that looked like the people they knew. Others were sometimes ones they hadn't seen before, that Tommy would tell stories of when they would go to bed.

“Papa look!” tommy turned to his kid, who was happily standing next to a snow version of himself. It was small and barely looked like himself, but he easily recognized it. He came up to the small child, picking them up happily. “That's me!? It's amazing little (f/i)! You did so well!!” he said, ruffling the young ones hair. They giggled at the action. 

“Wanna see mine?” (y/n) nodded. He walked over to the snowman he had built, showing them to his kid.

They looked familiar, (y/n) thought. These were the people in the storys (y/n) was told, the man with words of wisdom and guitar playing skills that calmed every citizen, who had tragically died in their last battle. The boy who was by papas side, who loved bees and everyone he knew. The young baker who had a kind heart and a smile that could put anyone at ease. Jack manifold.

Tommy spemnt a very long time creating this, purely so he could show (y/n) his old friends at least once. “Whos that one??” (y/n) asked, pointing to the the fox looking one, standing tall next to the leader, wilbur. “That's fundy. He didn't do much in the war, but he was an amazing fighter, and also a furry.`` Tommy replied, setting the child down. They ran up to the snowman. “Furry furry furry!!” they chanted, making the young boy laugh. “Yes furry!”

Most days now were spent with all three of them playing games inside till the late hours. After (y/n) had gotten sick from being outside so much, Tommy decided to just stay inside the warm cabin. They would bug techno alot, but he enjoyed the company some days. It was better than staying inside alone with an enderman who didn't really like him.

Today however, was different. For they had an unexpecting visitor who was very friendly. 

--

Techno was making breakfast, as usual. He had learned that if he didnt, neither of the innits would eat till dinner when their bodys couldn't handle it anymore. It wasn't good for a young baby like that. Not that techno cared tho.

He was putting the dirty pots and pans in the sink, knowing he'd try and force Tommy to do it later. He started to put the food onto plates when he heard shouting coming from outside. "TECHNOBLADE GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!!!" 

Techno stops for a second. No one could possibly have the balls to fight him, let alone twice. Technoblade put the stuff in his hands down, walking over to the window to try and see who was out there. As he thought, it was none other than Quackity trying to pick a fight with him once more. 

"I CAN SEE YOU PIGMAN! COME OUT HERE AND GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!" The duck man was actually prepared this time, with enchanted netherite armor and an axe to go with it. It seemed he upped his game sense last time. 

Techno chuckled, going upstairs to grab his things real fast. There's no way someone can try and beat technoblade like that. He came back down to see Quackity opening his door. "Heh!? Why are you inside my house!?" Quackity stood there, axe gripped tightly. Techno reached the floor, grabbing his sword. "Why can't I be in your house techno? Hiding something?" 

Ah shit he's onto us

Kill him

Haha he looks funny

Techno shook his head. "Just thought you'd play fair duck man. That's what you government people love to try and do." Quackity stepped forward. "Why would I play fair with the man whos supposed to be dead? This has been a long time coming," Quackity readied his axe, "get ready blade, cause i'm finally killing you." Techno readied his sword as well. "I'd like to see you try." 

Just as they said this, someone came up from the floorboards. "*yawn* techno are you done with breakfast yet- HOLY FUCK QUACKITY!?" a tired Tommy says, holding a nearly sleeping (y/n). The two men turn to Tommy, seeing him and his child. "Oh? So this is what you were hiding. Haven't seen you sense the exile!" Quackity says, getting closer. Tommy got up from the ladder, shrinking behind technoblade, trying to protect his kid. 

"What are you doing here big q?" Tommy says, hiding his kid. “I could ask you the same thing. What's that you've got there? Technos kid or something?” 

“Well no-” “quackity leave them alone.” techno cuts off tommy, moving more so in front of him. He cant let the baby die, he knows phil would pumble him if he does. “This is between you and me quackity. Leave them alone.” quackity shook his head, pointing his axe at tommy. “Anyone alined with you is an enemy of mine. Even if he's an old friend.” quackity lunged at techno, who blocked the attack swiftly. Quackity tried to get around the man, so he could grab the child from tommys arms. (y/n) was now awake however, and they weren't very happy.

“Papa?” they ask, realizing there was an axe lunging towards them. Quackity got around the blade, and was already trying to get to them. Tommy noticed the axe coming their way, completely ready to take the hit for his kid. 

Techno blocked the attack however. “Tommy get them to safety! I can handle this.” tommy nodded, running as quackity and techno dueld. Wuackity tried to run after tommy, but techno blocked him. “Not interesting enough for you q?” he smirks, swinging his sword at the duck man. Quackity blocks, scolding. “You're really full of yourself aren't you?”

Tommy ran outside, running to the only place he knew big q wouldn't find them, (y/n)s old hut. He ran and ran for so long, it had reached past mid day when he reached the small home he had made so many months prier. He sighed, closing the door behind him. (y/n) had long since woken up, and was very agitated. They had not eaten yet and it's been hours. “Shit shit sorry (y/n).'' Tommy says, laying the child in their old bed. He looked around the old home for anything he had left behind. He found some stuff, but he still had to go out to get food. 

When he was done, he quickly fed the crying child. “I'm sorry kiddo, I didn't think this would happen. I didn't think quackity would wanna harm you. Sh shhh im sorry.” he picks up the crying child, kinda like how they first met. A crying (y/n) and a terrified tommy. 

“Pappa- '' Tommy cuts them off, shushing them. “Just rest, Just rest…” the kid nodded, calming down slightly.

The two of them stayed like that till the sun rose the next day.

The next day Tommy got a message on his communicator by techno. Apparently quackity had won the fight, having threatened to chase after them and kill them. Techno begrudgingly went to get executed a second time. Thankfully he lived however, thanks to ranboo and tubbo stopping it. The two of them were currently at the blades house. 

Tommy didnt wanna deal with seeing tubbo, but he knew he couldn't stay out here for more than an hour. He sighed. “Hey (y/n), how would you like it if you might get to meet new friends?” (y/n) looked at him, smiling. “Yeah new friends!!” he smiled, picking up the excited child. “Let's go back to uncle technos!” “uncle techy!!!” Tommy and (y/n) laughed. Tommy got ready and left for the tundra.

Hopefully tubbo wouldn't be there when he got there.