#i didnt mind her having issues with her dad or that kind of stuff

[neanderthyall]

Finished rereading the lost hero and it was certainly a book. Its weird because it follows the riordan formula pretty well and yet i was so underwhelmed for the most part. Like Jason is afraid of letting people down but it doesnt really amount to anything. Leo is... like that. Piper cant stop being Not Like Other Girls and also dragging out the keeping the truth from her friends plot until the last possible second like... girl pls just tell them about ur dad

[nutzworth]

today begins my homestuck reread. i wanted to start it yesterday january 1, 2024 but i got busy. so we begin today

PREFACE: i wanted to download the unofficial collection and read it thus, but it didnt WORK cus of my accursed mac. so. im on the unofficial collection website. also i debated on how exactly to do my liveblogging and decided on actually liveblogging in my friend's discord server and then translating the day's reading to text on tumblr. so!

DAY 1: JANUARY 2, 2024

STATS: read for ~3 hours pages read: 1-381. 380 pages slur count: 3. john, rose, dave. all r slur silly count: 3. jade, rose, rose. jade about dave; rose about herself piss count: 1/3. howie mandel strikes again

THOUGHTS:

ive found a lot of overlooked aspects of especially john and dave. whether or not these are "i never noticed she was holding corn on the plate!" encanto aspects or not is undecided. people tend to interpret john as having eaten cake his whole LIFE when instead it was just on 4/13 because it was his birthday. dave has A BUNCH of ironic blogs and websites that he never shows. ive only seen sbahj and his personal blog so that was kind of a shocker to me. thats all the overlooked aspects i guess lol in addition to john talk: all of his dad's harlequin merchandise is soooo cute. i wouldnt be annoyed if my dad put all this harlequin stuff in my house theyre so silly and bright dave is REALLY ANNOYING. i kind of forgot. he sounds so different from how he sounds later in the comic and how he does in my head. he does a rap in the pages i read and the first part was good but the second part was bad. rose and her relationship with her mom is JUST like me fr...... ugh. rose is so me but if i was like way pettier. something about them strikes me. mommy issues i guess. being spiteful towards your mother when your mother is just trying her best. something. oh well i was thinking about the strilondes and their conceptions of irony and its been affecting how i interpret the text. dirk and rose get irony; dave and roxy do not. dave tries to mimic what he sees in bro, but only scratches the surface of true mind games. he fails at being ironic, though he is cool i guess (for other reasons). rose interprets her mother's vaccuuming as an "ironic housewife routine" which broke my heart. rose gets irony; roxy does not. (this is also how their one-sided passive aggressive one-upmanship operates. rose is ironic; roxy is not). ive also been keeping track of the times in canon which is also corn on the plate level but whatever. johns doing this all at FIVE PM. brother thats dinner time for me. a meteors coming for you and youre playing this game and suddenly youre in another dimension and its FIVE THIRTY! ugh. daves like oh man i gotta fight my bro to get a sburb game to save my buddy rose and its like SEVEN PM! jesus! so night time. some dirk and dave mirrors: manbro bukkake theater. didnt notice dave said that?!??! ben stiller instead of rainbow dash above the closet door. awesome. sylladexes and fetch modii are crazy and i think its so interesting how hussie focuses on them so much in these first acts. i saw something a while ago about how fetch modii mirror people's thought processes and thought it was cool. dave thinking STOP! = 7 and then that releasing his sword (in 7 spot) was really cool. i love fetch modii they make no sense also some pages havent been working and its kind of driving me up the wall :-/ some flashes dont have sound and daves sound mixer DIDNT WORK AT ALL! but thats fine rather that than one of the gaming flashes where you walk around.

think thats it for today. thanks everypony

[sleepysandy]

some thoughts on acftl

just finished an hour ago and i need to vent (spoiler heavy and pretty long)

stuff i liked

apollo pov

unpopular opinion but i do like the idea of an apollo pov. i think it makes sense since there are some plot points that can only be revealed through apollo. however i think the execution could be better.

at first i liked hearing about his messed up thought process and daddy issues but at some point it became repetitive. it all became about keeping evangeline captive and killing jacks which made it obvious he was just obsessed, not loved, with evangeline. i can't decide if i like it bcs it was a sorta parallel to jack and donatella but also made the reveal at the end kinda obvious.

i also expected some sibling angst?? like the brother plot was just brushed off when they were pretty close until they had a falling out then when the brother came back he poisoned him?? i cant remember but the brother tortured him too i think?? the whole anti valor arc group was never brought up again too like...

2. evajacks

they didnt have a lot of scenes together but those scenes were *chefs kiss* i also liked their development. evangeline is jaded from everything going on, she did learn to not be so trusting and really think for herself what she wants. i liked how she didnt lose a lot of her hope and optimism too.

i disagree with reviews saying that jacks wasnt good in this book since he was so different. i think that was a testament on how eva's death really affected him. i actually wasnt convinced that jacks had feelings for eva until she died in tbona so seeing how jacks so despondent and serious in acftl cemented his feelings in my mind. i feel like people would buy jacks' characterization if there were flashbacks to his past and more povs.

stuff i didnt like, its mainly about how many plot points from the previous books werent mentioned at all

i wish they used the previous characters more

kristof knightlinger was kinda hyped in the beginning, like where did he go?? i wished he and eva had at least one together that would plant doubt in eva that apollo was this perfect prince. (i kinda had a problem with the whole memories thing in general, more on that later)

i also thought that the old librarian would be important lol

i wished luc was in the book too :((( eva lost a quite a bit of her pre-north memories so luc wouldve been perfect to bring those memories back since eva did say that luc had been there for her when her dad died. also he couldve mentioned something about marisol since he wouldve been the only one in valorfell in tbona i think.

i wish lala's feelings for dane were explained more. like does she have commitment issues, does she not feel real love anymore since shes a fate, is there something going on with chaos/castor??? i wanna see more of her relationships with the other valors too but i do acknowledge that including all that is too much for a side character

chaos/castor and jacks angst!!!!! the eva and castor interactions were good but like jacks said he became a fate for castor (which is a good insight into jacks character) but i wanted to see how they interacted after castor killed eva. like your have a friend who you kinda cursed to be an immortal so you then become immortal then your friend then kills the love of your life like..... i need to see how that went down. but also your friend's crazy sister is obsessed with you??? to the point that she also curses you??? like give me friendship angst!!!!!! (speaking of, why did lala agree to be a fate too...) (also what happened to the real chaos fate??)

3. jacks past

to jump off the last point, like where were the flashbacks???? i think jacks being serious this book would make a lot more sense for more people if scenes of his friends dying in like one day and the first fox dying from the curse were shown in the book. show how much jacks blames himself with the deaths of his loved ones, thats why he was so desperate to keep eva alive.

4. jacks pov

kinda related but i feel like jacks pov was underutilized. his povs were super short and didnt reveal much about what he was doing away from eva. in contrast to apollos pov where it was shown how he was manipulating eva and the public about jacks but also his relationship wtih the valor family. wished we couldve seen how he uses the scar to know where eva is and he follows her around.

i woudve loved to see more pining from his end too

also i dont think it was ever explained how they have the telepathic link???? and why eva was immune to his powers??? was it love at first sight? it was mentioned how he watched her from the start but was it love??

5. evas family

what was evas dad's secret shop??? like are not supposed to find out?? the clothes shop was even featured in caraval but not here?? also did the mom know about the prophecy?? were the fox and key motifs on her clothes supposed to be a coincidence or bcs of how much she liked the story as a kid?? that would explain the foxes but not the keys...

i kinda wish that eva discovered something about her mom's life in the north. give her more connection to her family and maybe reveal more of her prophecy

6. memory stuff

getting majority of the memories all at once was meh for me. i wish that each side character revealed/triggered memories for eva. like luc could trigger memories about her life in valenda, kristoff for coming to north and becoming apollo's fiance then wife, lala for her curses and apollo hunting her, chaos for the stones and arc stuff so that evas letter to herself revealing her and jacks relationship could be a final piece of the puzzle.

i do like the fact that jacks kept the letter for himself and eva reading the letter didnt make her distrust jacks but bring her memories back.

7. breaking the curse

so did evas love break the curse?? i kinda thought it was leaning towards jacks love that could break the curse since it was mentioned in tbona that jacks doesnt know if he actually loved the fox but there was no big declaration of love from him.... im just confused, happy but confused

i did like the fact that the curse was 'wrong' that it was never about jacks true love but someone who could never love him. altho i have no idea how eva broke that curse and if that means donatella survived that bcs she would never love jacks

so when jacks admitted that he loved eva, did he turn human?? was that why the curse broke???

also the bells werent as important i guess?? i totally thought the bell stuff was gonna come back....

also what was all that about how eva was like the first fox??? i thought while reading that aurora misinterpreted the vision "he'll fall in live with a Fox" that jacks will fall in love a fox girl but in reality a capital f Fox but castor said in tbona that she was similar to the first fox and eva said that the little fox nickname was familiar.....

anyway thats it for now, after i reread my notes from the three books i might add to this. overall, i think the book was ok, but definitely not enough to be an finale especially for a 5 book arc for jacks. i think the book shouldve been a whole lot longer but i kinda feel like garber wanted the length to be similar to the previous books so the end felt pretty rushed. i kinda feel bad that i had more dislikes than likes when i rlly loved the first 2 books so this was so..... i think there were a lot of good ideas but the execution was not it i guess

VERY MUCH DISAPPOINTED THAT JACKS DID NOT SHOOT A SINGLE ARROW

i do get that this is a romance focused trilogy, not a fantasy so you could argue that plot points and lore shouldnt be looked into as much but the relationship and character development of evajacks could be better too... imo it's mostly jacks character that was lacking

also this did feel like a build up for an apollo book but garber said she wont write for this universe for a while so ??? kinda disappointed if there will be an apollo book bcs the amount of apollo chapters screwed jacks over but in the caraval series, the ending focused on the actual main characters at least and not so much on jacks.

[butterscotch-brigade]

sooo i finally watched invader zim enter the florpus!! i was gonna wait until i finished the comics first but then i saw that apparently clembrane appears in the comics after the movie?? and i didnt want to risk getting spoiled bc yknow. the movie is when he First Appears so i thought id watch it before picking the comics back up again.

anyway, here r my thoughts on the movie down below!!

it was....pretty good!! there were a LOT of positives for me, but ultimately one major thing that i really wish could have been done better (but we'll get to that in a bit). again, i liked it, i thought it was a good movie! im gonna list all the things i especially liked followed by the things that kinda bothered me a bit so bear with me lol

positivies:

i know this is an Unpopular Opinion, but i actually rly like the art style!! i still think the show's designs r better, but i rly RLY liked how vibrant and smooth the animation was in this film. plus movies based on animated series already tend to have a slightly different art style anyway (the spongebob movies and the mlpfim movie come to mind) so i didnt mind the change. add to that the fact that this movie came out 17 years after the shows cancellation and its no wonder that jhonen vasquez's art has changed since then, plus i'd imagine there was a much bigger art/animation team this time around. anyway ofc i rly loved the part where they Enter The Florpus (lol get it) and go thru all the different art/animation styles, i loooovee stuff like that and i think every animated production should do smth like that at least once solely bc i love it so much. for me

clembrane is rly funny and i love him. im glad hes here now. dib and gaz have TWO dads

PROF. MEMBRANE WAS SO FUCKING COOL????? like omg i was NOT expecting him to be so badass in this???? when he shot the giant fucking Laser Blast out of his arms and wiped out all those robots my jaw DROPPED i was in SHOCK!!!! he was hiding all that power this whole time????? DAMN no wonder hes considered one of the most important scientists on earth

the humor was really fucking funny as always w iz LOLLLL there were multiple points that made me laugh out loud. special shoutout to the callback they made to mortos der soulstealer where zim and dib are yelling at each other and zim keeps going "WHAT????" ASKDJALSKDJ thats one of my fav jokes from the show so im glad they did that here

gir aka my fav was SOOO CUUUTEEE his stupid little peace song was so funny and adorable, i love p much everything he does in this movie as usual SDKJFLDSKJ gir my beloved

even if i have some issues w it (which we'll get to shortly), i DO like seeing that dibs family really do care for him, particularly prof. membrane. hearing him say he was proud of dib did make me smile

im not entirely sure how i feel abt the tallests canonically dying, but i do think its a funny way to kill them off and end their story. like.....ofc they die bc theyre too entitled to steer their spaceship. what else would they die from SAKFJLSDKJ

all that being said, there was one major thing that kind of bugged me a bit, as well as a few minor nitpicks.

negatives:

starting off with my biggest issue, and this might be a confusing one for some, but let me explain: in my opinion, compared to the show, this movie felt just a bit too.....sanitized? "feel-good"-ish? ....happy?? now just hear me out. a large part of what made invader zim so appealing, especially to that older tween/young teen crowd (many of whom fell into the emo subculture), is the fact that, compared to other kids cartoons at the time and even today, it was a very mean-spiritied, cynical, pessimistic show. the main protagonist is a villain trying to take over the world. his rival is the show's antagonist, so audiences may find themselves rooting against him even tho hes trying to save the world. gaz is on no one's side but her own and frequently bullies her brother and does not care what happens to zim. and it works!! thats a key factor in why so many people, myself included, like the show. it isnt afraid to have unhappy/unsatisfying endings, and there are very few "happy" moments (aside from gir, ofc, who is a fan favorite for this reason; his happiness in spite of the dark world around him is a great source of irony and genuine enjoyment). and i feel like this movie lacks a lot of that cynicism and bitterness from the show, yknow? like....i like dib and i want him to succeed, but part of his appeal is knowing that he never will, or at least not in the way he wants. we want dib's family to recognize him, we want gaz to show that she still loves him, and we want prof. membrane to say that hes proud of him. but.....invader zim is not really the type of show. i understand that this is ofc a movie for kids, but again, part of what made the show so appealing was the fact that it was so dark WHILE still being for kids. the closest thing we get to any kind of "mean-spiritedness" is the tallests deaths, which, while deserved and executed in a funny way, only happens at the end. idk i just felt like this movie was kinda....playing it "safe" compared to the show it was based on yknow. but thats just my opinion idk i swear im not one of those "WHOA look at how DARK and EDGY this show is!!! that proves that its NOT FOR KIDS" types, i just feel like the overall tone was a bit lacking compared to the source material

NOW onto the nitpicks!! these werent rly major flaws that interfered w my enjoyment of the movie, just stuff that mildly irked me (lol get it). for starters i wish tak was there :( i know she was originally planned to be in the movie but they had to cut her for time constraints which is fair. still i miss her so much. tak my beloved come back to me

another nitpick, but pretty much the only other thing that i didnt like abt this movie and its SUPER minor: i dont like how frequently gaz's eyes are open throughout this movie?? ALKSJFSDLKLKDS I KNOW THATS A WEIRD THING TO COMPLAIN ABT LMAOOOO i swear it doesnt actually bother me that much but it was kind of distracting. the reason gaz's eyes are almost always closed is to add to that angry, apathetic look she always has; it conveys her personality. when her eyes DO open, they're large and cute, which is a nice contrast to her normal appearance and makes these scenes in the show/comics have more comedic impact. here, they're open a bit too frequently for my liking, and i think it made me perceive her character differently. i think she should have been grumpier LOLLL but that kind of ties back into my first point

but errmm yeah!! despite the block of text i just wrote i still rly liked this movie!! in terms of continuations to the show, however, i think i prefer the comics, although again i have not finished reading them. i just feel like theyre closer in attitude to the original show and have a lot more interesting story ideas. but again, this movie is not bad!! there were a lot of things i rly do like abt it!! im pretty easy to please tbh.

overall id say this movie has like.....7.5/10?? maybe?? its still a good movie and id probably watch it again if given the opportunity. theres a lot of cool things about it and i did enjoy myself watching it. thats just my Onion tho, lmk what u think abt it if youve seen it :) just pls be civil if u disagree w anything i said, i like hearing other ppls perspectives on things!!

[hopefullyababe]

why the fuck do people feel the need to talk over me????

like fuckig excuse me??? i followed the Rules i waited for your to be doe with what you were tryig to comuicate with me and then i started tellig you something relevant to the conversation and you KEPT GOING??? excuse me??????????????

i talk quietly i know but im trying to speak!! please?????

why do people think they can just ignore me? do i just have. do i not actually have anything good to say

[thestarsshone]

aggrrrrr...grrr....<3

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 9 (part 1)

“ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~

What an ep for my girl tohru! She completed her growth thanks to kyo’s rejection. really, It was so hard, cruel, understandable but above all so necessary for her to reach a logical realistic conclusion that “I can love/want things from the bottom of my heart, but at the end I can’t force or bound them to me, I won’t regret loving/wanting them, but I’ll move forward regardless, no more standing still”.

-The fear of being alone:

Aren’t we all? We’re scared to face the word after breaking bonds, changing, not getting what we want, having to start over. Such feelings run deeper into us all. Both tohru & akito were scared to face the word without the old comfortable bond that they got used to:

Tohru realized today, that she cant keep talking to a cold photo, can’t live according to her mom’s expectations, to fulfill her mom’s wishes, can’t narrate her daily life to her mom & fill her life with other ppl’s own issues to distract her self from facing her own loneliness & from looking deeper into what should she do with her life. As she fell in love with kyo, tohru started talking to him! forgetting to inform her mom abt her life’s details, thinking abt what will she do “after graduation?”. As kyo asked in se02, ep2. Graduating highschool is ur mom’s wish, What would u wanna do after?” Tohru didnt have a response of “an after”cuz her mom wasnt there to tell her! Tohru has to choose “the after” herself!!!! “The after” was being with kyo & starting life together! figuring what to do next together! She no longer alone! she found her most precious person!

Except: he cant be with her. Again tohru is scared. What to do now! she wanted a bond but is forced to leave it. Loving kyo was stage 1 to be free from her grief. Moving forward without kyo is stage 2 to learn not to repeat the painful journey again! She didnt let go of her mom & kyo easily. It was hard, scary but she must do it. You must respect their wishes & move on. As scared as she is, there will be sadness & happiness ahead.

Akito realized she cant keep an empty box, cant keep fulfilling her dad’s wishes to “be loved & special” cant bound the zodiacs to her for good. They may love her or not, it doesn't matter, if they wish to leave for whatever reason, she cant force them to stay.

Except now that the zodiacs are leaving, what does she have to live for? who will be with her? she isnt good with strangers? she never met anyone who wasnt forced to obey her & be grateful for her. Strangers cant be forced to love her! what will she do now? stretch you hand for a greeting. Tohru told her, make a friend, they might refuse you, but hey might accept u too, I’ll make it easy, Hi, I;m tohru, whats ur name?

The power of true love: ( reality vs fiction)

In fairy tales, the princess fix the prince. the prince save the princess. The prince kiss the princess, she wakes up & they be happy ever after. Except real life has no prince & princess, You cant always be saved, you cant always save others, pure intense true love cant always be the answer!

Yuki was first when tohru needed physical saving. he saved her twice! Yuki’s nickname in school ”the prince”. Yuki is always cool, thoughtful & kind. Yuki always knew what to say & do! he deserves tohru’s romantic love more than kyo, right? But “ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~ . Yuki didn't feel this way towards tohru, granted no one (excepts kakeru) knows the reason why he loves her fondly (she’s his mom figure). The official” prince isnt the one for her. Real life isn’t a fairy tale. Yuki has someone who sees he isn’t cool, perfect or a prince “ granted no one knows abt machi, yet! ) XD

In tohru monologue: she didnt think abt saving, that's not why she loves kyo. She stated normal, silly, mundane things! a shy smile, awkward kindness & the likes. Stuff ppl love abt each other in real life. You dont say, I love my husband cuz he saved me from a burning building in the 7th floor! lol. But fiction is so full of this. Princes saving princesses.

Tohru didnt fix kyo, too! as much as her love helped him greatly to find hope, the best writing choice is that tohru’s love also brought despair to kyo! To him, she’s the symbol of hope, peace & comfort! she’s also, the symbol of despair, torment & unease! EPIC! The kyo who’s stuck in the past cant be with her, the kyo who will move beyond trauma, abuse & broken soul will be with her. The duality is all on kyo’s shoulder: what will he choose? Can he choose in his state now?

In fairy tales the princess wakes up after the kiss. In real life, we don't. Tohru didn’t. Regardless if she fainted during or after the kiss. The kiss fixed nothing. Kyo’s despair in seeing near-dead tohru in a not-so-subtle mimic to his nightmare, has manifested itself into the sweetest kiss upon seeing her conscious & talking. Kyo isnt good with words, his actions are his words. When he’s scared, sad, in trauma: running away. when he’s  fond of her, grateful for her existence: head knock, head pats, hand holding & a kiss. Still the kiss fixed nothing. Kyo is still traumatized more than ever now. Tohru still feels rejected “even if I’m not with you, plz live”.

Talking fixes everything. It didn’t here, kyo & tohru talked & showed their most vulnerable side to the other, but still didn’t meet half ways, regardless of all the love. That’s cuz they keep missing each other’s best timing. Kyo is stuck in the past while tohru has moved forward. even if in her mind she’s the one who stood & he moved. this shows they aren’t on the same wave yet. Before meeting each other again, kyo must learn from his mistake like tohru did. He must face his ultimate demon: his dad. The one who created the current broken kyo.

Rebelling against parents: ( sign of growth & freedom of choice):

Rebelling against parents  is a sign of a desire to choose one’s path, decide one’s own future. Away to express an oppressed desire.

Yuki rebelled against his mom in se02. he told her I’m not going to the college you chose. I’ll chose my path. I’m not staying away from Ayame. My bro is good in my book. I chose who I want to be with. He told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.

Tohru rebelled against her mom today. told her I’m not wasting myself doing only what you I think you’ll approve off. You might bot forhet kyo, thats ur choice, But I DO. I love him even if you might not approve of him, Even if he rejected me, my feelings wont change, but I’ll move forward from the grief & pain. mother. She told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.

Kyo WILL rebelled against his disgusting dad. He MUST. It is his turn now. He’ll tell him I’m not wasting myself being locked in a cage. I have a future! I’m not a monster. I am LOVED! I might not 100% sure why I’m loved, but the truth cant be hidden. I have ppl who love me! cheer for me! I want to live! enough of death! mom & kyoko died, tohru nearly did, but I’m not gonna die! I’m not killing ME! I’‘ll do what MOM didnt do! I’ll do what YOU couldn't do! I’ll live! He’ll tell him what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.  I cant wait! I’m in tears just thinking abt it! Kyo was punished enough! time for happiness!

Side Notes:

While I’m impressed with tohru’s growth, as they did her justice in this ep, this doesn’t erase that the buildup for tohru’s own journey & trauma was mediocre. There is a reason ppl commented ” omg tohru, you can love your mom AND kyo!. ” Grief is illogical, long process & it sucks that we weren’t allowed to experience tohru’s grief & her mom’s role in tohru’s abandonment issues. Huge lost opportunity that a good conclusion ep cant erase! but like tohru, I’m moving on ~

The path of growth for kyo will start by rejecting the demon: his dad. No. other. option. Hold abusers accountable for their crimes. Stop their madness. Tell them off.

We know kyo is baka! that’s his trade mark, the endearing baka! a lot of characters in the show think so! I love it, but I’m craving baka-yuki! XD! really, yuki is cool, level-headed & smart, but let him be baka too! this only shows up in tiny microscopic doses, but they’re my fave doses of yuki! it humanizes the “perfect prince”, the “gifted high status rat”! Thus him not seeing kyo running the other side, is my fave look on him! XD.

I appreciate that kyo & yuki put their differences aside when they’re with tohru. You cant tell yuki is hella pissed off with kyo, but he restrained himself. His gaze while full of anger is also full of sympathy as he heard/saw kyo’s panic upon the thought of loosing tohru. He understand they both only mean the best for each other, but also tried they both keep missing each other & not meeting half way! Also, yuki being the only one in the hospital is realistic & endearing. No need for them all to be there & yuki lives with her & is so close to her.

kyo not being the hospital is fantastic! thank you writer-San! why would kyo go to the hospital after thinking his nightmare came true? kyoko /his mom warned him, you’ll hurt another person.. he did.. he didn't cause her fall... but caused her sadness & hurt.

Momiji’s reprimanding gaze is my fave look on him! Also, the best response to what akito did. Akito isnt used to such judgemental gaze. Kureno grabbed her cheeks, gently told her you shouldn't do that, the old maid told her you are right, Dr. Hatori erased her mistakes from ppl heads & bodies, shigure being either cold or kissing her ass, coxing her to yet torment another zodiac in his grand scheme to break the curse as happened in the beach arc.

You bet hana & arisa will be there next ep! Arisa will meet kureno & akito for sure. To path the way for their romance as seen in the ED.

Shigure’s “remorse” is a whole can of worms. Playing with ppl’s hearts & feelings to gain someone’s affection is no laughing matter. Each time blood is shed, he contributed somehow. he didnt force anyone to hurt the other, but he played with matches & never got hurt.

Shigure must be glad akito stabbed kureno. Not cuz he’s sadistic or bad person. He isn’t, but cuz akito stabbing kureno is akito cutting her bond with him. Go shigure, your girl removed her lover with blood. Kureno is punished for sleeping with ur girl by blood! so, when is ur punishment for sleeping with ur lover’s mom? none? ok.

The animation is good. They didnt villinize akito by drawing extra manic features like se02. Kyo’s broken & tormented face once again epicly drawn. However, akito’s slaps on tohru’s face were comedic, unnecessary & such bad taste! Stop using violence for extra drama, furuba!

Also, tohru, I love you, I understand you are broken but charging at a person, who has a history of violence & physical abuse & holding a knife, is stupid. No other description. I’m glad she didnt accidentally kill you in her initial rage.

Everything akito’s redemption, kureno & shigure are part 2 in my review.

[woodsteingirl]

A case in suburbia, domestic dynamics, and a forever home. What could go wrong?

the moment i’ve been waiting for! chapter one is up now! read here or under the cut.

Cas and Dean were searching for a forever house. They had been pretty much since Cas got back from the empty. They were ready to distance themselves from hunting. Dean had always wanted a sort of suburban, white picket fence life, even if he didn’t admit it to anyone. And since he already admitted how he truly felt to Cas, why not throw his need for a domestic lifestyle into the mix. Cas was all for it. Ever since Jack had given up most of his powers to Amara, thus causing her to take his place as God and him almost human, Cas had been hoping for a place to raise him like a normal child. The bunker was great for hunting and a place for Cas, Dean, and Sam, but not so much for raising a 5-year-old kid.

House hunting had been a burden to bear, but they were making out alright. Up till this, they’d looked at about 3 other houses. They were all a no for different reasons. The first one Cas decided was in a school district that wouldn’t be good for Jack, the second didn’t have a big enough garage or backyard, and the third didn’t have enough bedrooms for all of their family to stay. With the whole credit card scam they’d been running for as long as they remember, budget wasn’t really a problem, but they didn’t want something extravagant.

There it was, 538 Chapel Street in Pine River Crossings. It wasn’t too far out of Lawrence, only a few hours' drive, and all the houses looked nice. Very cookie cutter, but that was sort of the appeal. They couldn’t guarantee that they would fit in with the traditional, upper middle-class people, but what the hell, if they could kill god they could take suburbia.

A few days passed, and they were set up to look at the home. They drove the hour and a half to the next medium-sized town with the belief in their minds that this was the one. It had all they needed, a two-car garage, a respectable school district, and two guest bedrooms. They were so caught up in this concept they made the mistake of not checking the news for the nearby areas. Once they arrived, a realtor who showed them around the dwelling greeted them. It was all they could ask for and more practically too good to be true, especially for people like them. The actual presentation of the house went over without too many problems. The person exhibiting the residence commented on how it had been on display for almost a month now, which was the first red flag. A house as nice as this, in a densely populated area, would usually not be on the market for that long in weeks unless there was some hidden con.

They signed on it not a day after seeing the house in person. It was all set up and they could officially start moving stuff in the next week. They officially shared the good news with everyone the day after they signed. Sam was beyond happy for them. Not only would he finally have a space to himself, he was proud of his brother for living the life he’d always wanted. Jack was thrilled that he would get to go to actual school and have friends that were his age and not cosmic entities. In the meantime, Cas did more research into the neighborhood. There was their hidden con. The newspaper Cas had pulled up on his phone said, “Local Couple Murdered in Own Home.”

“Dean, look at this.”

Okay, that was a setback. A murderer on the loose in the neighborhood they were moving into was not exactly what he had planned, but he had delt with worse. “Alright, that could be a problem.”

“I think it’s a little bigger than a problem,” Cas retorted.

“Is it our type of thing or just something local law enforcement could deal with?”

Cas read on in the article, “the couple was stabbed, there was no sign of forced entry, neighbors reported nothing amiss besides lights flickering before the murder. The weapon, as well as the perpetrator, was never found. No official suspects have been labeled, everyone has seemed to have an alibi.”

“It definitely sounds like our thing. Lights flickering, no breaking and entering, and all.”

They decided they could pose as residents, as it seemed perfectly normal for the newcomers to be concerned about the literal murderer on the loose. Since Cas was newly human, and Jack was, well, 5, Dean thought they might need outside help. Being out of practice to spend more time with your husband and child really had its fallbacks. Sam was off the table as backup. He was out of town and Dean didn't want to interrupt his first weekend without him in god knows how long. Plus, they needed someone who wouldn't draw too much attention to their family dynamic.

“Hey, Cas, what do you think about calling in Claire to help us with this one? You think she’d do it?”

“Calling her in for help is a good idea, whether or not shed actually do it is another question.”

“I’ll call and ask, and if she wants to help, and if not then I can think of something else.”

He kept his promise and called Claire not an hour later. He decided it might be best not to tell her it was undercover work, or that it was taking place in a white picket fence neighborhood, as that might turn her off from it almost immediately.

“Hey Claire, its been too long since we’ve talked,” he started.

“Hi Dean. what do you want, there’s no way you’re just calling to catch up if you’re starting with ‘its been too long.’”

“You got me there. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me and Cas on a hunt. Its not too far from the bunker and we’d have you back home in a week.”

“Sure, that works. When do we start?” She hadnt seen Dean and Cas since they rescued Cas. That was over a month ago, she’d been meaning to visit, but she’d been so busy with hunting, and getting to know Kaia again now that she was finally back. This seemed like a perfect opportunity to reconnect and not miss out on anything too big back at home.

“If you could come down here by Wednesday, that’d be great.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” She was tempted to sign off with an ‘I love you’ but she was never a lovey-dovey person in that way.

On tuesday she promised Jody she’d be extra careful and would be back in under a week. Kaia told her to make sure to call every day and update her on what was happening. Claire agreed, promising to keep in touch. She spent the rest of the day driving down to Kansas.

Back on Dean and Cas’s end, they were trying to get the house set up for 4 people when they had no furniture prior to this. Cas had always loved furniture shopping even before he had a use for it. When he worked at the Gas-and-Sip, he would browse the home improvement magazines in his spare time. Dean was pretty much the opposite. He had never had reason to care for it, so he didn't. Maybe his hatred for Swedish furniture was rooted in his deep-seated commitment issues. It didn't matter much why he hated it, he just left most of the choices up to Cas. there was then the issue of appliances and such you couldn't find in a furniture store. That was left up to him. Cas sent him out to Walmart to get things for the kitchen. That was something he could do. He picked out a mixer, some silverware, and a pioneer woman kitchenware set. It came with pots and pans, mixing bowls, and a few normal sized plates. That was enough for him to consider it an absolute steal. He brought his finds home to the bunker, setting them on the table designated for things that were to go in the new house. Jack was sitting on Cas’s lap, pointing at things on the computer.

“What’re you guys finding?” Dean asked, hovering behind Cas’s shoulder.

“Djungelskog!” Jack exclaimed, showing Dean a photo of a large stuffed brown bear.

“I thought you were looking for furniture?” Dean directed the question more at Cas, but he was still looking at Jack.

“We are. Jack just got us a bit sidetracked. We found the majority of what we need. Among other things not of as grave importance.”

Dean looked over the shopping cart and then gave the go ahead. Not before adding the stuffed bear to the cart, though.

The next day Claire arrived. Everyone was thrilled to see her. Jack ran up and threw himself around one of her legs and Cas gave her an awkward dad side hug. Dean wondered when he would tell her what the hunt would actually consist of, but he didn't want to interrupt the moment.

A few hours later, Dean fixed everyone a real dinner and had them sit down at the kitchen table. The realization dawned on him that this was going to be his last sit down meal officially living in the bunker. Everyone sort of just sat in silence for a beat. Perhaps reflecting on their own lasts of officially living there. “Claire, I sorta forgot to add this when I called you, but the case is a lot of undercover work. Also its in a suburban area.”

“And why didn't you tell me this sooner?”

“Well to speak freely, I wanted you on this case and I was worried it would make you not want to come.”

“It almost does, but i'm already here now, and i wouldn't want to waste a days driving on something i'm not actually going to do.” She guessed this would probably take longer than a week. “And i'm guessing this isn't just something you decided to do out of the goodness of your hearts?”

“We bought a house in the area, and we just wanted to make sure it was safe,” Cas explained.

“Hang on, you bought a house for real and you didnt even think to tell me? You didn't think that that was valuable information?”

“It didn't come up in our phone call,” Dean said.

“And? That’s no excuse to leave your daughter out of major life events!” The ‘daughter’ part just sort of came out without her noticing, but seconds after she said it she regretted it. God, how embarrassing.

“You’re right. We should’ve told you sooner. It was kind of a recent decision, though, so you haven’t been out of the loop for too long,” Cas said.

The next day was moving day. Dean loaded the appliances into the back of Claire’s car, since the back of the Impala was already full. Claire took her own car, while Dean, Cas, and Jack rode in Baby. Their real furniture was being delivered as they spoke. Cas offered to ride with Claire, but she assured him she’d be fine by herself. The drive wasn’t even that long, especially compared to the distance she drove yesterday.

Dean was silently nervous. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but it was written all over his face. His first real stable house, with the man he loved, and his two kids, he could only hope that he didn’t mess it up. Cas put a hand on his shoulder showing he saw how Dean was feeling.

They turned onto Chapel Street and pulled up into the driveway of the house. It somehow looked bigger and more daunting than it had during the walkthrough. Claire arrived almost ten minutes later. Everyone just sort of paused in front of the house for a minute, reveling in the stability most of them had never had.

[heavymetalover]

Call Me Daddy (Michael Langdon x fem reader)

{i imagined scruffy sojourn michael w this one but i left the description kind of open so yall can imagine whichever teehee}

Summary: Michael is about to become your step dad and the two of you have an unusual relationship…

Warnings: DADDY KINK DUH, smut, dirty talk, fingering, vaginal sex, dom!michael, hickies, rough sex.

WC: 5.5k

A/N: ive done the unforgiven… omg.

this is a different format from my other stuff. i didnt see anyone doing this and yall know me and my daddy issues I HAD TO. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE anon me, message me, whatever, if you want more parts cuz im down.

~~~~

 You had an average run-of-the-mill life with your mom. The two of you lived in a sizable suburban Los Angeles estate; your mom worked for most of her waking hours to keep you comfortable and you worked your ass off to stay in your top college. You had a few friends that would pop into your life when your mom left town, a few boyfriends here and there, even your mom dated around. Everything felt normal until Michael came into the picture.

Your mom has been dating Michael for a few months now, but every time he’s around he brings an eerie feeling along with him. Despite being nearly half her age, he has the soul of somebody from the eighteen hundreds. The way he composes himself, how he speaks with the utmost confidence and how his stares linger too long; his glacial blue eyes always watch you like he can see right through your clothes. 

You’ve been skeptical of him since the day you met him. When you shook his hand and accidentally removed one of his large rings, he nonchalantly told you to keep it. You decided to sell the huge diamond-encrusted Cartier ring and use the twenty thousand dollars to help pay for college.

Since then you’ve avoided the two of them in protest of their relationship. You knew it was juvenile to evade them, but the man turned you on more than you’d like to admit. His soft-waved blonde hair, fluffy lips, jawline for days, prominent cheekbones, and how can you forget the eyes… Everything about him looked planned, like he was designed to be flawless.

On a mundane weekend morning, your mom calls you from downstairs. “Y/n!” her voice echoes through the halls.

You stop reading your favourite book and take out an earbud. “Yeah?!” you yell back, looking up from the pages for a moment and waiting for her to say something else, but the house is silent. You pretend to ignore her call and go back to the story.

“Y/n!” your mom yells again.

You sigh and drop your book, rolling off of your bed and skipping down the stairs to see what fresh hell awaits. As you approach your mom, who’s opening her mouth to call you again, you smell something unusual. Something you haven’t smelt since your dad left. Cologne.

“Honey, he’s here,” your mom whispers to you, putting a hand on your shoulder. You try turning away to run back to your room, but your mom stops you. “Can you be nice for once, please?” she begs, squeezing your shoulder.

“Whatever, let’s get this over with,” you groan and shimmy her hand off of your shoulder.  

Michael works at the dining table, setting up three plates and utensils. You’re planted to the ground in awe, you’ve never had to eat dinner with the two of them before. It crosses your mind that they must be confronting you about bypassing them these past few months, your fight or flight response is already kicking in.

Michael looks up at you, finally acknowledging you and capturing you in his ocean blue eyes with a nanosecond of contact. Your mom moves in between the two of you and takes some food out of a paper bag. “Michael and I wanted all of us to eat dinner together,” she skips to stand beside him. You widen your eyes at her and cross your arms in objection. She widens her eyes back, you can practically hear her nagging you to be polite.

Michael puts his arm around your mom. “Your mother and I thought it best for us to… start acting like a family,” he says.

Your eyebrows shoot up and you can’t hold back your smile. “A family?” you laugh. You purse your lips and start walking backwards, aching to escape Michael’s spell. “Mmm, I think I’ll pass,” you turn around to start walking away.

“Y/n,” your mom snaps. You stop in the middle of a step and twist back towards them, taking small, reluctant steps to approach their little function. “We have something to tell you,” she says and immediately after, vaults her hand out to you.

You take it hesitantly and look at her, still trying to figure them out and failing. “What?” you ask.

“No, honey, look at it,” she rolls her eyes, “look at my hand.”

You gawk at her hand, her third finger is dressed in a huge diamond ring. It looks big enough to pay off your whole house. You unintentionally let out a dramatic gasp and drop her hand, she continues to hold it up for you. “It’s the bloodiest diamond he could find in the LA area,” she explains, “We’re in love.” She smiles and places her hand on Michael’s chest, looking up at him with hearts in her eyes. He gifts a small kiss on her lips.

You scoff and shake your head. Any tension that you felt from Michael has dissolved. He’s been dating your mom for five months, five fucking months. Who does he think he is? Are they both nuts? “You’re joking, right?” you ask, completely stunned by how brash the whole situation is. “Are you guys pranking me?”

Michael grins at you, it makes you melt and you hate yourself for it. “Call me daddy,” he sneers.

----

It’s a quaint Wednesday evening when you decide to take a break from studying and grab a snack. You’re scrolling through Tumblr when you walk out of your room and smash your face against a sturdy chest. “Jesus!” you gasp, looking up at Michael standing in front of your door; one of his hands is in a fist, ready to knock on your door, while the other is behind his back. “You scared the shit out of me!” You playfully push his chest away from you, trying to shake off the sudden rush of adrenaline.

He drops his fist as he stumbles back slightly. It’s the first time you’ve talked to him since they announced their engagement. Michael moved in about a month ago and it’s been hard to ignore him since he sits, day in day out, typing away on his laptop in your living room.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “But I have to admit it’s nice to hear your voice again.”

You lean against your doorframe, trying to act casual as if he hadn’t just knocked the wind out of you completely. “Did my mom come home from work or something? She send you here?” you ask, declining his attempts to meet your eyes, instead you stare at his lapel.

“No, I got you something,” he explains, wiggling the surprise behind his back.

“Another Cartier ring?” you joke. “Oh, or is it a new girlfriend? Because that would be even better.” His eyes find the ceiling in annoyance and it feels rewarding, you were starting to think he couldn’t be cracked. “Did you get me an apartment, so I don’t have to live with another failed marriage?”

“No,” he snaps back, starting to sound impatient with your infantile attitude. You straighten up at his belligerent tone. He slides into your room, keeping the gift hidden behind his back. “It’s thoughtful, something I know you’d like, but… if you’re hellbent on loathing my existence, why should I be so kind?” he asks. He somehow manages to speak reserved, yet impossibly intimidating. Every word that leaves his lips demands to be heard, it sends chills down your spine. “Right?” he prompts.

You take in a breath. “Right,” you force yourself to agree, mostly because you’re curious to see what the present is. Another part of you is getting bored of acting like a hermit and going days without social interaction. “Obviously it feels weird; I barely know you and you’re becoming my dad and you moved in, everything just seems so fast,” you explain yourself. You saunter back into your room to meet him. “I’ve been a bitch. I’m sorry, Michael. Seriously.”

He takes a step closer to you, you’re only inches apart. You can feel the heat radiating from his body and fight the urge to wrap your arms around him. “We’ll work on ‘Michael’ later,” he replies. You’re about to question what he means by that when he takes the present out from behind his back. He holds a black bag in between the two of you and you immediately recognize the store. “I heard you on the phone with your friend about something red, lacey, with a bow. I think I found it…”

You take the Victoria’s Secret bag from him without saying a word. You have no words to say. You don’t know if you should thank him or refuse the gift or slap him for listening to your personal conversations. Your mind races wondering if you’d gossiped about his good looks on the phone with your friend.

You silently pry open the bag and paw through the lingerie, mountains of cute panties and bras, digging through things you were never able to afford but always wanted. And, of course, Michael bought the red, lacey one piece you were talking about with your friend. There’s a stillness in the room as you look through the bag. “You bought all of this for me?”

“Yeah, I can’t see how your mom would fit into any of those.”

All of the pieces are just your size, it’s the perfect gift… just not from your stepdad. “How did you even know my size?” you stop looking at the bag and make the mistake of falling into his eyes.

“I went through your clothes,” he carelessly shrugs.

You drop the present by your side. “You went through my clothes, like, my lingerie?”

He slowly nods his head, acting as if it isn’t strange for him to invade your privacy how he did. You huff and he begins looking agitated with you again. “Would you like if I returned all this stuff? I thought you’d like it.”

“I do,” you mutter and kick the bag away from him, you’re not jeopardizing this gift with your uncontrollable sass.

“Good,” he spits back.

“Just… don’t think you can just buy yourself into the family,” you mock. You catch yourself subconsciously crossing your arms over your chest to give yourself a breast lift, but you don’t stop.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he smirks. He looks down at your cleavage and it feels like all the air is sucked out of the room. “You have quite the collection of lingerie you keep hidden at the bottom of your drawers,” he observes, “like a dirty guilty pleasure.” You peer up at him, again trying to read him, and again failing. He uses one of his fingers to hook onto the thin fabric of your shirt, your tits are practically pouring out and begging to be the center of attention. He tugs at the fabric, looking under your shirt and inspecting your boobs suffocated in one of your intimate Victoria’s Secret pickups. “Kitten’s all dressed up?” he whispers, his fingertips graze the embroidered details.

You bite your lip, anticipating the second he’ll rip the bra off your chest. “It’s all for you,” you tease, pushing your tits together even more, “I’m always dressed up for you, Michael.”

He breathes in, groaning under his breath. “I thought I told you,” his voice is low and intimidating, “call me daddy.”

You’re drinking in a breath of his cologne, shifting onto the tips of your toes to give his soft lips a rugged kiss, when the sound of keys rattling downstairs takes you out of it. Michael still stares at you, his fingers continue to linger over your clothed tits. “Michael!” your mom calls from downstairs.

You look up at him with fear in your puppy dog eyes and Michael grins. He shoots you one last, knowing, glance before leaving your room. He leaves you without saying two words. “Yeah, babe,” he answers your mom, closing your bedroom door behind him.

What the fuck just happened?

----

Holding back your gags, you grasp your friend’s hair as she projectile vomits peach schnapps into an expensive toilet bowl. Her phone rings in her pocket and you huff, digging through the pockets of the leather jacket you lent her and pulling out a vibrating iPhone. You pick up the phone with an ill “hello”, answering too late and looking down at the screen. She must’ve ordered an Uber a while ago, there’s a ton of notifications that the driver’s outside. “Oh shit,” you mutter under your breath. “Your ride is here!” you yell at her, trying to pull her onto her feet.

“What?!” she yells into the toilet bowl.

You roll your eyes and lean down beside her ear, “I said, your ride is here!” you yell over the thumping music.

Your friend stumbles around, trying to stand up in her six-inch heels. You pull her onto you and her head rests on your shoulder, she goes limp against you. “Stop, come on!” you shout over the music. “You have to g-”

You’re cut off by your friend puking onto an expensive mini dress you bought for tonight’s party. This shindig was supposed to be a fun little escape from your school life, your home life, Michael, all your stress. You expected to make new friends, meet hot guys, but instead you came an hour late and have been nursing your friend the whole night. You’re seriously going to kick her ass tomorrow.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, her breath reeking of throw up.

You toss her arm over your shoulder and start walking her out of the bathroom. “I’m going to kill you tomorrow, you know that?” you say in her ear and she lets out a small, apologetic whimper.

A cute guy who was talking you up earlier approaches the two of you. He holds two red cups in his hands and shrugs when he sees you. “What the fuck, y/n? You disappeared on me!” he talks to you over the bass-y music. “I got our drinks!” he shakes the cups in his hands and hands one over to you, as if completely ignoring your drunken friend hanging off of your side.

Your friend staggers, nearly bringing you down with her. The cute guy helps you pick her back up and you sigh, annoyed at how much of a disaster your night has turned into. He knits his eyebrows at your sour attitude, then finding the vomit on your dress, he looks back up at you. You see his doe eyes grow apologetic when he mouths a weak “sorry” to you, stepping out of your way. You shake your head as if telling him it’s fine; you just wish you had more time to get to know him.

You continue dragging your friend along your side and hear someone call out your name from behind you. You whip your head around; your hair irritatingly sticks to your lip-gloss. “Hope to see you again!” he calls after you. You nod in his direction and resume walking your friend, who is nearly passed out on your shoulder, to the front door. When you walk out of the house, you’re assaulted with the smell of salt water. Despite this night turning into one of the most frustrating nights of your life, at least you got to visit a Malibu beach house.

A big, black SUV is parked outside of the house and you rush her to the door. Opening the backseat and stuffing her inside the seats in the back. “The app says where you’re taking her, right?” you ask the Uber driver, your voice sounds muted from being struck by loud music all night.

He nods and reads out her address. “Y/n,” your friend slurs, gripping onto your arm with all her strength, “you’re a really nice… you’re a… you’re a really good friend, you know that? Like, seriously,” she pauses to hiccup, “thank you for taking care of me tonight.” Her words are so slurred that it’s nearly impossible to make out her compliment, but you just nod in hopes it’ll get her to let go. She drops your arm and hands you your pricey leather jacket, bunched up in a ball, before shutting the van door.

You throw on your jacket, protecting yourself from the ocean’s breeze, and watch the van drive away when you notice a familiar car parked across the street. The SUV blocked a four-seater Maserati parked on the other side of the road. Michael’s sedentary in the driver’s seat with a cigarette hanging from his lips. You balance yourself on your ridiculously tall heels and stomp over to his car. He doesn’t even see you coming, he’s leaned back in the driver’s seat reading a book.

You crouch down and knock on the glass of his window. His eyes meet yours for a second and he slowly rolls down the window. A mob of cigarette smoke escapes the car and he chucks the stick onto the pavement. You’re both quiet for a few moments, the crashing ocean waves fills up the silence.  “How did you know I was here?” you ask.

He finally puts down his book and looks at you. “Just trying to be a good dad,” he responds.

“Ugh, ew,” you groan. “You’re my step dad.”

He adjusts his seat to start driving, his eyes looking you up and down as he does. “Looks like your night went a little… rough,” he jokes and nods towards the puke on your dress. “You need a ride?”

You look back at the party. As much as you wanted to live up the night, you’re already in too much of a bad mood to go back in there. It doesn’t help that your new dress is covered in puke, too. You turn back around to Michael, he awaits your answer with a cocked brow. “You can’t tell mom,” you sigh, walking around the car to get into the passenger’s seat. The luxury car’s butterfly doors obnoxiously open up for your entry. “Not a word,” you assure him as you slide into the leather seat.

He starts up the car and one of his Led Zeppelin albums begins to play. “I picked you up at the library,” he quips.

He starts driving along the empty coast and you decide to skip the seatbelt, you don’t want to dirty his car with your friend’s retch. His eyes glance over to your seat for a moment, he notices you second guessing the seatbelt and puts a hand on your thigh. You look up at him and intuitively try to tempt him, biting your bottom lip and batting your lashes. “I’ll protect you if we crash,” he whispers, his fingers lightly caress your thighs.

You put your hand on his and slide him further up your leg. He keeps one hand on the wheel, eyes on the road, but when his eyes do meet yours, it makes all the nerves in your core feel like a wave pool. Your dress is short enough for him to reach your panties without any hassle. Your hand is on his when his fingers begin to rub your pussy, still dressed in a pair of panties he bought you. “Baby’s already wet for daddy,” he says under his breath, kneading your clit in small circles.

You feel your stomach erupt with butterflies, you’ve never felt a nervousness so intense before. A rush of thoughts suddenly violates your mind, you try to shut them up but they keep coming. This is wrong. You shouldn’t be doing this. You’re disgusting for enjoying this. His fingers have been in your mom before.

You dig your nails into his skin and pull his hand away from you; bending over in your seat and clutching onto your stomach. You only had one drink tonight, you shouldn’t be feeling this sick.

“I-I’m sorry,” he stutters, “are you okay?”

“I think I need air,” you grumble through the sudden sickness. “Can you pull over?”

Michael only takes a minute to find an empty parking lot on the beach and pull into it. You get out of the car without saying a word to him and take off your heels, throwing them into the backseat of his car. You’re already starting to feel your anxiety subside as you shuffle through the cool sand and pace towards the erratic waves crashing on shore. This is one of the reasons you loved LA, the tons of tiny, empty beaches. The ocean at night, and how it constantly smelt like salt water, how it relaxed you.

The breeze blew through your hair, a part of you felt like running into the crashing waves, but a voice took you out of it. “Y/n!” Michael called behind you, over the sound of the whistling wind. He trudges in the sand to get to you; you faintly snicker at his dedication. “Are you okay?” he asks once he’s closer to you.

When you see him, face glowing in the moon light, golden locks blowing in the ocean breeze, face twisted with concern, it all settles. Everything feels like it’s in the right place. Your stomach, although still turning with butterflies, no longer feels sick.

There’s a pause between the two of you; both of you deciding to admire each other instead of the beautiful ocean view beside you. Then, it feels like everything clicks. Like the two of you mentally communicate your longing for each other, your desire. Both shutting your eyes and diving in for a kiss at the same time.

His lips smash against yours, sucking your face, and his tongue quickly invades your mouth. He kisses you like he’s craved your lips for years, passionately cleaning up your mouth with his eager tongue.

Michael works your jacket off of your shoulders and you shimmy it to the ground. He unzips your dress, the zip running along your naked back sends a shiver crawling down your spine. He abandons your lips for a moment to pull down your dress, exposing your bare chest and expensive panties. You’re too lost in lust to even realize you’re half naked on a public beach.

You’re both panting and releasing all of the built-up sexual tension. He stands back up and kisses you again, his hands cup your ass and he gives an echoed smack; his fingers creep down your legs. He grabs onto the back of your thighs and hoists you up, you lightly yelp into his mouth and wrap your legs around him. His large hands hold you up and he leans down, resting you onto the jacket you’ve thrown onto the sand.

Once you’re laid down, he begins rubbing your pussy again. His cold rings adding a different sense of pleasure as he rubs you into entropy. He slides your feeble panties to the side and spits down on your cunt, shoving his finger inside you. You moan at the sudden intrusion, taking in a breath of the salt-scented air. “That’s it, baby girl,” he whispers, adding in another finger, “I want to hear you moan for daddy.”

You take in a breath and whimper as he curves his fingers inside of you, slowly pulsing against your g-spot. He touches you as if he already knows which parts make you crumble. “Ooh yeah, daddy,” you cry and grind on his fingers, pushing him deeper inside you, “right there.”

“You’re my dirty little slut, huh?” he asks, gliding in another finger. Your eyes roll back in pleasure. “Little girl likes to get fucked by her daddy?” He adds another finger, completely stretching you out. Your breath gets caught in your throat and you can’t reply. “I asked you a question.”

You meet his cold eyes for a second, before you throw your head back in pleasure. “Yes!” you breathe out, feeling the heat rise in your body. Your sensitive cunt throbs under his gluttonous fingers, persistently fucking you and begging for more. “Yes, oh, keep fucking me just like that, daddy!”

His fingers find a rhythm inside of you, constantly bringing you to the brink of climax and slowing down. “Such a dirty little girl,” he teases and spits on your soaking cunt. He pulls out his fingers and holds them to your lips. You grab his hand and suck on his long fingers, tasting the cool metal rings mixed with the sweet taste of your pussy.

You sit up and lock your lips with his again. Both, you and Michael, unbutton his shirt; you want to feel his flesh against yours as soon as possible. When you get to the bottom, you slide your hands up his body and square the shirt off of his shoulders. His perfect, porcelain skin shines in the moonlight. You want to appreciate it for a moment, but he’s already unbuckling his belt.

He’s propped on his knees, unzipping his black pants and bringing them down to pull his erection out of his briefs. It springs out when you start grabbing for it, he moves back and clicks his tongue. “My greedy little girl,” he mocks, “you don’t get a taste until daddy says you do.”

He pushes you down with one of his hands. His touch is so delicate, yet so commanding. Everything he does is done with conviction and a power that only you could dream of, he is inherently dominant over you. He strokes his long, girthy length over you, you’re practically drooling at the sight. He spits on himself and rubs it into the head. “Spit on it,” he orders.

You sit up and weakly spit on the tip of his cock; it’s too late when you notice your mouth is dry from nervousness. He shakes his head. “You’re so pathetic, you can’t even spit on me right,” he sneers, divorced from the nasty words leaving his lips. He presses his dick against your folds and your fingers curl into your jacket, awaiting the moment he plunges into you. “Say the word, baby girl, say you want me,” he’s lingering at your entrance.

“Please,” you whine, your pussy is beating against his hard cock, “please dad.”

He pushes his head inside you and you grab his arms for support, digging your nails into his skin. He’s so thick, you’ve never felt something so large obtruding your tight cunt. He moves in slowly, reading your stunned facial expressions to see if he should continue stuffing himself inside of you. You let out tiny weeps as he digs deeper into your hole, but you can’t manage much more.

Michael thrusts himself into you until he’s balls deep, even he can’t help but groan. “My little girl is so fucking tight,” he grunts under his breath. He starts to hammer himself into you, going so deep that you feel like pushing him back, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. His cock is so thick that it hits every nerve you could imagine; it’s hard to gather a single word.

He lets out a small chuckle at your reticence. “My innocent baby’s never felt a real cock before, huh?” he taunts, still pounding his length into you. You open your mouth to speak, but settle on shaking your head. One distinct tear runs down the side of your face while stifled cries pass your trembling lips with each time his balls smack into your ass. “You’re taking me like a good fucking girl,” he admires, “my good little slut.”

He lifts up your leg and rests your foot on his shoulder. You’re twisted onto your side, trying to look over your shoulder to see how vigorously he pounds into your cunt. Michael’s new positioning hits exactly in your g-spot, you feel your leg shaking under his grip. “H-holy shit,” your voice trembles, you let out a built-up breath. “Keep going, daddy! Right there, right there, I’m so close,” you’re begging, voice is flooded with desperation. You don’t care how childish you sound, you want nothing more than to come all over Michael’s big dick. “Don’t move, please, please,” you grab onto his arm again.

Tears overflow your eyes when you look into his. Just seeing his determined light blue eyes peering back at you makes you unravel even more. He has no remorse for how weak he’s making you, how vulnerable you’ve become, his unmistakable dominion turns you on.

He listens to your wails, finally granting you the satisfaction you’ve been begging for and plows into your g-spot. Your grip on him gets tighter as he thrusts harder, you’re almost certain he’s going to leave some swelling deep inside your cunt. “Your dick is so, fucking, good,” you breathe in between thrusts.

Michael doesn’t give up, keeping up the same pace and fucking you exactly how you want him to. You’re about to praise his long cock some more when you’re thrown into climax. You try looking back up at him, but you can’t say a word; your mouth hangs wide open with nothing but small chokes croaking out. He can see how dazed he’s made you and shoves your face into the ground, pushing your nose against the leather of your jacket. “You’re going to take daddy’s cock like a good little girl,” he seethes, suffocating your head into your jacket. “Don’t come,” he demands.

He continues punching your g-spot with his huge cock, you feel your pussy spasming under his rough thrusts. He holds both of your arms back, shifting you into doggy-style. His balls slap against your sore clit and you feel yourself starting to ejaculate. “Fuck!” you scream into the breeze of the empty beach. Your cunt twitches and gushes its balmy juices all over Michael’s hard cock.

He slows down his pace and pulls your arms up towards him, you feel his heaving chest against your back. “What did I just fucking say?” he fumes, tugging your arms even closer to him. “Answer me.”

“You told me not to come,” you answer in a syrupy, naïve voice.

He grabs both of your tits to push you flush against him, maintaining his rough thrusts into your cunt. “That’s right,” he whispers in your ear, “baby didn’t fucking listen.” He smacks your tits with both of his hands, striking you hard. You jump at how ruthless he hits you, it makes your stomach flutter again. His full lips lug along your neck. “Remember who you belong to,” he speaks into your neck, sending an iciness throughout your entire body.

Michael digs his teeth into your skin, sucking up your flesh while he continues massaging your breasts, pinching at the hard peaks your nipples have formed. He sucks so hard it stings, you wonder how that would feel on your pussy. His love bite begins to hurt and you shift your head away from him, he snickers. “Who do you belong to?” he whispers, lips chafing the shell of your ear.

He pinches your nipples even harder and you sob in pleasure. “Mmm, you,” you respond, looking over your shoulder to give his lips a frail kiss. “I belong to you, daddy.”

He takes in a deep breath as if shaking off your spell and regaining his confidence. He pushes you onto the ground again and goes back to fucking you like a ragdoll. “You better remember that,” he breathes, mercilessly pummeling himself into you again.

He holds both of your arms back once more, driving himself into you so hard that you’re concerned about cervix bruising. His pace slows down a bit and you look back at him, his mouth drapes open and he stares down at the back of your head. He pushes you away as he orgasms, savagely shoving your face back into the ground, as you feel his warm seed spilling inside your wet cunt. Michael groans from deep within his chest, letting out a long sigh when he’s done. “Oh, fuck,” he moans, “fuck, you sexy bitch.”

You let out a little giggle at this and he joins. He hauls himself out of you and you feel all of your muscles relax. You shift onto your back, looking up at Michael in disbelief. You’re too caught up in euphoria to comprehend what just happened. All you can think of in this moment is how fucking good he was. Even Michael has a dumbfounded look on his face.

He shakes his head and liberates a nervous laugh, “We’re so fucked up.”

You can say that again.

[bridgyrose]

Weiss sighed as she watched Ruby while she helped Penny start loading up the next transport to Amity. Normally, other hunters and huntresses would help, although, due to the recent changes everyone faced with faunus becoming human and humans becoming faunus, the other hunters were busy keeping the peace. Even the Happy Huntresses had their hands full down in Mantle as riots started to break out claiming it was a White Fang plot or even some experiment gone wrong from Atlas. And yet, Weiss remained mostly calm due to having other thoughts on her mind. The first being why Ruby didnt seem any different. As far as anyone could tell, Ruby was still completely human. Weiss jolted back to reality as she realized Ruby was trying to talk to her. 

“Weiss, did you hear me? Penny and I finished loading up the last of the boxes into the transport. We’re about ready to go.” 

Weiss nodded a bit, heading to the transport with her team leader. She kept an eye on her, trying to figure out what was different about Ruby. She didnt seem to have any extra ears or a tail. No scales like Yang. Everything seemed completely… human. Even Penny had a mechanical cat tail on her. Once everyone was situated into the transport, Weiss kept a close eye on Ruby to see if she could find anything, even the smallest thing, that changed about Ruby. 

Ruby on the other hand, didnt quite seem to notice Weiss watching her every move, too busy talking with Penny. “How does it feel to have a tail now?” 

“I guess it doesnt feel much different.” Penny stood up a bit and let her tail move around. “Although, it does have it’s advantages.” 

“Well, I think it’s cute.” 

Weiss listened in on the conversation, her own tail wagging when she heard Ruby saying she liked Penny’s. She tried to stop her tail for a moment, trying not to give herself away too much. 

Penny sat down again, looking between Ruby and Weiss. “So Weiss is an arctic wolf faunus and you Ruby-” 

“I’m human.” 

Weiss hesitated when she heard that. “W-wait, did… did you not change like the rest of us?” 

“No, I did, I just… was a faunus before.” 

Weiss looked confused and looked towards Penny for some sort of confirmation or at least to find out if Ruby was messing with her. 

Penny nodded. “Ruby is indeed human.” 

“So, if you’re human now, then… what kind of faunus were you before?” asked Weiss. 

Ruby laid back a bit, seeming a bit more comfortable now. “I was a raven faunus before. Had wings as a trait. Although…” she sighed and looked up to the ceiling of the transport. “I… had an accident when I was younger and my wings were removed.”

Weiss sighed as she remembered seeing the scars on Ruby’s back. “I thought you said those came from a grimm attack.” 

“I… I was embarrassed about it. At the time you were upset about Blake having lied to us about her being a faunus and I… I didnt want to cause any other issues, so I lied. Made up an excuse that was a bit… believable.” 

“Oh… you should’ve said something.” 

“I was planning to. Eventually.” Ruby laughed to herself. “It was dumb for me to lie. And honestly, I wasnt sure how to bring up the fact that I lied. Just became easier to follow through with the lie.” 

Weiss nodded, understanding a bit on that. “Just make sure not to lie any more about this kind of stuff, okay?” 

Ruby nodded. “I promise.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yang sat down and stretched, letting her weapon cool off. “Now that was a workout. Who knew we’d run into a pack of grimm out here?” 

“I’m glad you had your fun.” Blake wiped a bit of sweat from her brow and looked out to the snowy tundra. “So, you were saying about Ruby?” 

“Oh, right, I’m pretty sure she’s human right now.” 

“So, she was a faunus before? Why didnt the rest of us know?” 

“Because dad cut her wings off.” 

Blake stared at how nonchalantly Yang just said those words. “Your dad… cut her wings off?” 

Yang nodded and sighed. “There was a point in time when dad didnt like faunus. I guess he was still a bit… upset about a lot of things regarding our mother. Ruby… was only about four years old at the time so she wouldnt have remembered.” She looked down into the snow, still able to see as clear as day the events that happened. “I… I couldnt stop him and no one believed me when I told them about what dad did. Qrow did end up taking Ruby away for a few years, bringing her back when she was about ten. As far as she’s aware, she had an accident when she was little that caused her to lose her wings. I… I havent been able to tell her the truth yet because I’m afraid of what she’ll think of me.” 

“She wont think poorly of you. You were just a kid, there’s no way you could’ve stopped your dad from hurting her.” 

“But I should’ve tried. And I didnt.” Yang clenched her fist, letting her knuckles turn white. “So now, I just do what I can to protect her. I dont let her get too close to dad and I’ve made sure she understands when someone means to cause harm to her. But I can never make it up to her for what I never did.” 

Blake put a hand on Yang’s shoulder. “You’re going to have to tell her some day.” 

“I know. Just… when I know she’s ready to hear the truth.”

[itspdameronthings]

Going Home Chapter 5

Summary: After a pregnancy scare.Apple tries to Santi about it,but he put his foot in his mouth. this chapter is a long one!! hope yall enjoy it.

Warning: fighting and pregnancy scare

Weekend is finally here. Time for resting up from the hectic work week. Not the case for Santi and Apple. She has to work at the ER tonight,and won't be home till the early morning. Santi is babysitting his goddaughter, Mia . For a five month old she is full of energy. He is nervous to no end. Afraid he might hurt her or even give her the wrong food. Frankie gave him a list of things she likes,and what time to feed her. Not to mention her baby food. Also her blanket she sleeps with,and the baby monitor. Santi keeps telling himself” I can do this . no problem. Only two days of this. Apple would be there to help me. “ Speaking of his darling . Who has been working hard. She volunteered to work in the ER since there was a nurse due to the stomach flu. She told him that she would text him from time to time. Before the baby gets here. Went to find his guitar . Just in case he has to sing her to sleep. Or to entertain her while she is in the playpen.

Franke yells for Santi to help him with all of the baby stuff. He needs this time away. Even if it was to teach young army recruits to learn the fine art of flying. Good opportunity for his wife to have a break. Randi comes in with the little baby. Still in her carriage. Sits it on the couch. Looks so cute when she is asleep. Frankie tells Santi,” She will be fine. She just had her bottle. If she cries. Just sing something sweet can't have her grow up listening to metallica.” Santi moans,” aww come on man!! She wants to have a hip uncle.” Frankie just rolled his eyes. Before leaving. Frankie leans down to place a kiss on his daughter’s head,and tells Santi,” Thank you for doing this man. Means a lot. Tell apple jacks hope she does not work too hard.” Santi nods and closes the door very softly so it won't wake her up. He goes over to sit next to the baby. Watching her sleeping so peacefully. Thinking how lucky Frankie is. To have a child. A family. Maybe one day him and Apple can have that as well.

Apple hated lying to her love. How can she tell him that she thought she was pregnant. Took a test that did not seem right. As a nurse. She knows something is not right. Before going to work. She went to her doctor to find out what was going on.According to her doctor’s findings that Apple had a false positive. That made her feel really sad. Thought it would be a nice surprise to tell Santi that he was gonna be a daddy. Since Santi has been spending time with his goddaughter, it's natural for him to have those kinds of thoughts. As soon as she got home. She is gonna tell Santi her sad news. In hopes he does not get mad at her.

On the homefront. Santi is having baby problems. Mia was due for her evening feeding. After giving her a bottle. Santi was burping her,and she spit up on his shirt. Which took him by surprise,” Okay little one. You just made a mess on your uncle. Hope you know that I will be smelling like your dinner. Muchas gracias, little one.” After discarding his messy tee,tries to change her diaper. Thinking he got it round her small body. Picks her up,and the diaper falls down. Mia starts to pee! Poor uncle Santiago, not having a good day. Apple watched that ordeal. Puts a strain on her heart. Seeing him with her broke her heart into millions of pieces. Quietly went upstairs to their room and cried.

After giving the little one a bath.Santi looked out the window to see Apple’s jeep under the carport. That puzzled him.She always calls out to him when she comes home. Something is not right. Soon he puts Mia in her bed,and turns on the monitor, goes into their room to see his darling. Curled up into a ball.Sobbing into her pillow. He lays down behind her,” Hay mi amor, what is the matter? Hard day? Want me to get you something to eat.” She wipes her eyes,” No Santi, Not hungry”Santi brushes a few strands of hair from her face,” Don't shut me out honey. Whatever it is. We can work it out.” She sat up so she could lay her head on his chest. Take a breath,” Before work, I felt like I was gonna puke. Thinking I was pregnant . Took a test. The results were not right. Sooo.. I went to the doctor,and found out it was a false positive!! “ Santi didn't know what to feel right now. Sad that he is not gonna be a dad or she didn't let him go to the appointment with her, Lets out a sigh,” baby, why didnt you fucking tell me about this earlier! Though we were done keeping secrets! “ Apple sits up, starts to pace the floor,” You think it was hard not telling you! I was scared Shooter!! Seeing you with Mia made me think about our future. Feel that we might not have that kind of a miracle!” Santi walks over to her, pulls her into his arms.Let her cry.All he could do is hold her tight. He led her back to bed so he could comfort her. Softly sings to her so she could calm down. While rubbing her shoulder,and placing kisses there,” Apple, thought it was a sign that it is not the time for us to be parents. So don't worry about it so much. We have a little one in the other room we can practice on till then. Won't hurt to keep trying to make a baby.” Apple tried not to get mad,” Santi! You sound like it is your mission to make a baby!! Maybe I don't want to try to get pregnant right after the most sad event of our lives!!” He really put his foot in his mouth again.Caused Apple to get up and go outside so she could be by herself.

After the loud outbursts from the adults. Mia started to cry. Like a flash . Santi rushes over to her, picks her up. Rocking her as he walked around the room looking out the window sees his other baby. Sitting under the huge oak tree. How could he say that to her? All he wanted to do is to make her laugh.Not to make her mad. That thought was dashed when Mia started to cry again,” Guess I just screwed up yet again little one. I love your aunt so much. She is the one for me. Always have been. Not ready to be alone again. Afraid she might leave me. “ She reached to touch his rough cheek. That made him tear up. Soon as he puts the little one back to bed. He calls the one person he could trust.

Apple was not doing better either. So many emotions to deal with.Sad about the test results, mad about Santi’s bad choice of words about making babies. Maybe she is not ready for that. Hoping he would understand if they took a break from having sex. Too many things to think about. So she takes out her phone,and calls Lizzy. After a couple of rings,” Omg! What did Doc Bailey say? Are you or are you not pregnant? “ Apple sobs,” It's a false positive! Told Santi about it. He was so hurt about the news ,and pissed that I didn't let him go to the appointment. Then he had the audacity to say that he wants to keep trying to have a baby! After what I went through. Maybe I don't want to rush that just yet.Lizzy sighs,” Honey, have you two ever talked about having a baby? If not? No time like the present to do this. He loves you so much girl! “ Apple took her friend’s advice to heart. Looked up to see Santi watching her from the upstairs window.

Santi was on the phone with Frankie. Pacing around like a caged animal. He is beyond scared. Frankie said,” Dude! Number one you really put your size 10 foot in your mouth. Sometimes you need to see this situation through her perspective. Apple jacks is scared. Just love her Santi, just love her. Show her that there is more to your relationship that just sex. I know that is not the case.I forgot. We are coming home early. Weather is going to be bad tomorrow. “ Santi sighs,” Are y'all in town?” Frankie says,” we are at the diner. Why don't you bring Mia with you. So we can have a family dinner. Might do you some good.” Soon as he got off the phone with Frankie. Packed up a sleeping Mia,and put her in her carrier. Little does that he know. Apple is gonna join them too. Randi just got off the phone with Apple. Both of them are about to walk into an ambush.

Soon as he got Mia all situated in his truck. Noticed Apple’s jeep is gone. Pays no mind to it. Thinking she might have gone out to get something. While driving. He was thinking about the time they spent together. Got him to tear up again,” Come on Santi! Focus! Do what Fish said “think about her feelings . then sees Apple’s jeep! Thinking she is there to get some take out. No! Sees her with both Randi and Frankie! Broke his heart to see her leaning on Frankie’s shoulder . Crying. Santi takes a breath, goes inside, takes a seat behind them. Frankie nudges his wife for her to look behind her,'' See you made it safely. Give me my baby! OH have I missed you! Wearing a small Metallica tee? Santi really.” Apple looked up from Frankie’s shoulder. Caused her to bail. Santi punched his friend’s shoulder,” This was a setup!! What is the deal! “ Randi speaks up,” Call what you want. You two have an issue that needs to be dealt with! So go!” Santi went outside to catch up with Apple. As soon she gets inside of her jeep. Santi knocks on the window,” sweetheart, I want to tell you that I'm a dick about your feelings. Never wanted to hurt you. Talking to our friends made me realize that. Yes, being with Mia made me think about us having a family. Something we never had the chance to discuss. So let's do that okay? Come out so we can figure out what to do.``Apple got out of the jeep,and Santi pulls her close.Rocking her back and forth. After a few moments, she finally calms down. He kissed her tears that fell onto her cheeks. Apple whispers” Glad that you finally see what my mind was going through. Yes, we have never discussed the family thing,I want the same thing,but lets not try to make it the reason for us to have sex Santi. Give me time to process this. Then we could start again. Can you do that for me Santi? Can you wait?” Santi placed both of his hands on her cheeks,” Of course mi amor anything you want. Was afraid that you would leave me! Could bare the thought of that tore me up. “ she kissed his lips, tasted the salty tear,” Why would I do that? We had another fight. So what! Couples fight. So let me get through your thick head Mr. Garcia. I'm not going nowhere!” He pulls her towards the diner and sees Frankie giving him a thumbs up sign.

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

[mikeyfuckinway]

ladynoir > the rest of the love square

ok i was one of the biggest believers in marichat being the way for love square to bond since they didnt have feelings for each other in that form and could be friends normally but now?

tl;dr marinette is creepy right now, ladynoir is where theyll have the best understanding of each other and can become close

i think ladynoir is currently the winning side of the love square. its definitely got to do with how i feel about marinette right now, im just pissed off w how her character is being handled bc it doesnt feel like she deserves it when people praise her for being so nice and considerate bc like

marinette is kind and considerate except when it comes to adrien. i couldnt stand it in the new york special when everyone was so impressed that she was asking adriens dad to let him go with them bc it wasnt fueled by her actually being considerate and wanting adrien to be able to go, its bc she didnt want him to be around lila!! it was fueled by jealousy and selfishness!!!! and then when adrien on the plane is like "youre such a good friend thank you marinette" i lost my mind!!! bc she wasnt being a good friend, she was being creepy and obsessive.

otherwise, marinette is a good friend! she helps other people and wants people to succeed and shes a very nice person! thats the marinette that they keeo telling us exists but when it comes to adrien she just devolves, and because of that im just pissed off with her right now and i dont think any development is going to come with her in this state

now ladybug is who shes meant to be. it never feels like she goes off character and she stills has bouts with morality but she handles them the way you would expect someone like ladybug to and all around the side she puts on as ladybug is far more mature than marinette.

i also think chat noir is a better avenue for getting to know adrien. in civilian form, theres 2 barriers in the way of getting to know adrien. first: he cant talk about chat noir stuff and he doesnt seem to want to talk about the freedom he wants and issues with his father that he does when hes chat. he seems like he wants to or feels like he should keep up this almost-facade. hes certainly opened up before but it still feels like hes got a second facade in place. all of his grievances with his father are presented in a very light manner, like "yeah it makes me upset but my dads got it rough too :(" whereas i feel he could express more of the anger he feels as chat

second, the fact that hes adrien. i think ladybug handles talking to adrien a lot better than marinette since she has to be more mature, but its still an issue

ladybug and chat noir are also the only place they can really talk about superhero stuff with each other. with marichat and ladrien they can certainly discuss it but its really only a one way discussion there. with ladynoir they can really talk and support each other since theres that understanding of "you know exactly what im going through because youre in the same situation"

this was poorly worded bc i have a head cold but i feel very strongly about this

[ugbobae]

IM BO BAE  🡢 bobby

reintroducing my muse, im bobae. goes by bo, bobby, bae for the most part but appreciates any and all potential nicknames or puns made on and WILL steal them to use on merch. probably wants to open a streetwear brand on her own someday but that shit’s expensive. the girl is a hustler, grew up broke and is not about to go back to that so catch her putting food on the t a b l e and if you wanna call her out for selling out, well, be her guest. not that it won’t bother her, no she’ll be pissy and sad about it for sure. she’ll also vandalize your property if the situation presents itself. ya girl is a walking misdemeanor. she’s a rising star which means hongdae is turning it’s back on her, something she has extremely complicated feelings about.

her primary genre is electropop and she pulls heavy influence in sound from artists like yelle, yeseo, yaeji, neon bunny, iu (selectively) and others. i’ve got a playlist if you’re interested 6v6. basically i want all the drama and angst and all the possible heartwrenching bs so hmu!

we went to elementary/ middle school /kindergarten together on the wrong side of seoul and played latchkey kid mischief together while our dads finished lengthy factory shifts, we were basically family but life separated us for xyz reasons, now we’re chillin again in hongdae and its kind of weird but nice and nostalgic

we’ve mutually admired each other’s music for awhile now and are finally getting a chance to work together, but there’s a real possibility of backlash for either / both of us due to current rumormongering around bobby’s career so maybe you want to back out or maybe its kind of strained

we came up together in the scene before bo was ‘bobby’ and we were mad close. but, when bobae transitioned to a more electronica type of sound it became kind of strained, because you felt she lost her roots and in general both grew up a lot since then. so there’s some kind of spark or familiarity or wistful connection there but now they’re left feeling at odds trying to chase a lost friendship when our paths have diverged so much

a frequent dalliance, bobby doesn’t exactly NOT sleep around but she’s not a one night stand kind of girl either. she makes big promises and doesn’t follow through, so you can be guaranteed up to one to two months of fun fun fun and then its intermittently reappearing in your life every few weeks like nothing happened. out of sight out of mind?

ride or die besties, soul bonded, tell you everything, the one person that bobae actually doesn’t ghost out on unintentionally. literally she’d kill someone if you even seemed like you wanted it. maybe you’re exhausted by her though, she’s a lot. hopefully someone who is a slight foil to her, someone more solid to weigh down her flighty kite string.

literally just the messiest mess of obsession and love and just being completely over the top about each other, in destructive ways. like just fully a big mess of nonsense and back and forth and all the drama and theyre both just way in too deep and also fully hung up on their own issues and its visceral and brutal and soft and terrible and wonderful.

i’d also love any kind of obnoxious antagonism for the sake of fun, so feel free to throw that at me. those reasons tend to be more interesting if theyre predicated on existing stuff tho so no premade there!

SOUL CRUSHING ANGST FIRST LOVE EX. details tbd based on plotting i just love misery

spontaneous little bits and bobs

we always run into each other at the bus stop going to jog by the han and after awhile i finally came up to you to say hey and now we’re running buddies and its a nice safe space away from the judgement she usually gets but then oops she sees u around the scene and realizes where she knows you from finally and now its not the same

i heard you shit talking me when you didnt know i was around and then you caught me trying to vandalize your motorcycle / some other petty crime lol

i sang guide for one of your tracks and then you heard one of my new songs being shopped around and now we’ve become creative partners that play off each other’s ideas to develop one another, and maybe we’re mutual muses for each other n its just a great creative friendship full of mutual improvement

you caught me making questionable and likely dangerous choices when fully drunk and either went along with me and now we’re tight as fuck or dragged me back to safety and now we’re tight but also in the way where you resent ‘babysitting’ a fool when trashed

substance abuse friends enabling poor decisions idk

people who resent her for the choices she’s made for her career would be interesting too

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 28-29, 2019 // the bonny scot

posting this a day later than normal because this is one of the rare episodes that shows a passage of time from one day to the next yayy love that for them

-wonder what filming these beginning sexy scenes is like for them in real life

-sooooo can lucy see nancys sexy dream? is she judging? does this mean she likes nancy with owen or nick more? or is she trying to tell nancy that her sex dreams are irrelevant to the mystery at hand and she needs to focus?

-seeing people in the ✨prison chair✨: gomber, carson, karen (voting for josh s3 just saying)

-completely ignores carson's question about herself typical nance

-"or maybe i did stumble across a knife" its like hes trying to make the case against him look plausible while attempting to maintain innocence. this is a slippery slope for carson to try and encourage her to keep her pacified + hide the truth while also trying to keep her from getting involved bc hudsons

-"genetics gets you in the door" aaaaand then she walks in to everetts office to meet him and crashes their family dinner

-ok who tf is dawn and why is she in charge here

-this guidance counselor of nicks is my favorite person

-"i admire your allergy to pleasantries" bess and nancy both have reveals to big families but nancy does not have the graceful, accepting reveal to her rich family like bess does at this lunch. nancys reveal is messy, cold, bloodstained and sticky-fingered, not nice in any way whatsoever. and this little chat with everett (bit of a parallel to lucy's) just highlights how nancy is always bad at bargaining with her grandparents*- always trying to fight on their level but giving up her equal hand bc she doesnt know how to hide it when they bring up something she doesnt know. like confronting celia at the masque: she was so confident with her theory and what she knew, but then we got a "what does that mean?" like. the instant you say that, you lose. and she walked right into the "yes i do have someone, hes in jail" 🤦🏼‍♀️ even in the car with ryan at the end of s1, he literally just fucking leaves her there. like 🤷🏼‍♀️ what did u think was gonna happen sis?? for all she can predict how past things lead to present circumstances shes fucking awful at seeing the direct future *(grandparents except for patrice bc her dementia makes her inaccessable)

-lmaooooo this awko ass portrait...i get the empty space is for nance but who on earth thought this was a good pic??

-LISBETH 🥺💙

-"will u help the claw for me?" george struggles financially to keep her livelihood while nancy is somehow shown as being taken care of even when her parent is incarcerated; both nancy and george live in single parent homes now with mention of both medical debt and george being breadwinner yet nancy has no struggles while george does. (i wonder if ryan had been able to help george here how the story would have changed)

-"when it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent i am somewhat of a repeat offender" 😂😂😂

-"he wasnt endgame after all" BESS lmaoooo

-"...okay." lmaoooo i fuckin love owen

-i was hoping the girls' faces would be more shocked like with a glance to owen but they just....werent

-"we're the good guys" <---- this statement is soooo interesting in terms of how they structure the show and how the characters see themselves (its an interesting contrast with the more definitive good vs evil with things that are both clearly good and clearly evil but theres also a lot of moral grey area here, the show is kinda swamped in it. are nancy and crew the good guys? are they the bad guys in someone else's story? concerns.)

-"i'd call it more than just stuff" like why did u concede that??? and then the shit about oof that didnt sound like a compliment lmaoooooo why does she suck at arguing?? she and owen wouldnt work long term bc theyre so similar (as mentioned later on)

-i LOVE george slowly falling in love with nick here- hence how upset she gets when nick bails on her for nancy later (which is totally justified!!!)

-i am LIVING for the little nod this driver guy gives bess when she turns back around all nervous 😂

-"i do like buying things" i would so say that too tbh

-"you'd have plenty to talk about" LMFAOOOOOOO SHE KNOWS "marvins dont marry drivers" so diana is totally fine with the gay its just the poor she has a problem with 😂💙fuckin love that

-love how nancy just casually ruins everything for nick/george lmaooo

-"i have seen you at your best, nancy, and there is nothing like it." 🥴😳 i love this still-in-love look nancy gives him thats so strong he had to change the subject

-so is haunting time 11 pm? from that clock of bashiir's?

-how do NO neighbors notice this fucking water and shit

-these are TOTALLY AWFUL fake screams from the bonny scot crew 😭

-"i know well enough not to get involved when he's in play" both carson and ryan avoid engaging with everett even though nancy is willing to do so armed with less info and more balls/ but "could i trust him" and ryan says yes lmaooooo NO honey + that makes ryan 0/2 for helping the girls when they ask this ep

-"find a project of your own" and he does, with his youth center 🙏🏻💙 what s2 foreshadowing!

-"god i wish i still drank" 😂😂😂

-"she is darling." 💙👌🏻

-okay wtf is mirror bay??

-i really wonder about the extent of celia x sebastians relationship here. did she truly care about him or was it just secret and exciting sex? also would love more hints of diana vs celia moments like these. celia doesnt even look upset. i mean shes had time to deal but like wtf. and who exactly is sebastian to diana? not her husband? like damn what if he was. somehow i doubt she'd talk about him diddling celia if diana was disrespected also

-i wonder if celia being so invested in dna testing nancy was bc everrett dna tested ryan to make sure he was his bc of sebastian / other men (which would be totally valid on his part!! but wouldnt it be funny as fuck if ryan wasnt his 😂)

-what a neat hiding place in this frame lmaooo who put that in for them tho? like how do u go about ordering that

-"you certainly are your fathers daughter" this quote is doubly ironic and foreshadowy bc theyre referencing carson here as being a useful hudson attaché but nancy is playing everett just like ryan played celia about putting his house up (but TRIPLY ironic bc carson pulls off the long con of hiding nancy from the hudsons right under their noses this whole time!) the one time nancy is successful against them

-that bess/lisbeth look while lisbeth does something badass (+diana reassessing now that lisbeth has been revealed to be useful)

-"almost as fun as a real fight" why do i believe him? lmaoooo a bit weird that he would enjoy a fight w a partner, but i also think this is an acknowledgement of nancy being an "opponent" who exists at his level. but i also love the "let me take you out" as a direct mirror of her relationship with nick, where she avoids the public acknowledgment/"going out" but prefers the more subtle/hidden arrangements of staying in. but as shown with later eps, owen is way more capable of meeting nancy where shes at, which is so important to her + the only way of getting close to nancy. (the only foil is ace who somehow is able to do both)

-"not always about a guy" <---- this could have been such a powerful statement if the show had thought having nancy end up alone/choose herself instead of pitting her between love interests (nick, owen, gil, even potentially ace, in only 2 seasons) was a more worthy stance to take ; as an aro/ace person i cant tell you how much i would kill to see just one female protag choose herself over a man. and its more realistic to end up alone than have a happy ending anyway, for all that these shows try to be as "real" and gritty grimdark as possible

-"is that what you want?" this is an interesting question to his mother- like maybe he senses her unhappiness? combined with his issues with his father- still trying to look out for his mom? either way it's sweet. (it could also potentially work as foreshadowing of something happening to her, but i think that was played with but then diverted when it was revealed who really killed her) "i think its time i steer this ship" still kind of patriarchal tho. i get that its him coming into his own as a dad technically but still. i also like how he calls her "mother" and not mom

-love that old white people thumbs up at george asking about his clams 👍🏻

-okay fuck dawn tho lmfaoooo

-"stressful dinner huh?" 😂 i fucking love lisbeth so much why didnt they bring her back (wouldnt it be Fucking Hilarious if they brought lisbeth back to bounce bess on her expired visa since the marvins kicked her out and didnt fix it lmaoooooo)

-BESS IS A TOP lmaooooooo i fuckin knew it

-nick says "you can pay me back" wonder if thats gonna come back in s3 considering their "marital problems" (also, those bonds are sosus lmfaoooo if any single person cashing those was looked at sideways they'd confess in 2 seconds that some random guy is handing out bearer bonds they dont even make anymore with absolutely zero proof as to how he got them)

-"you wanna finish what you started?" 👀 (dont mind if i do)

-"i need my dad back" parallels s2 when she asks him to come home

-parent politics: "you are taking your life in your hands / no, i'm putting it in yours" vs "i know well enough not to get involved when hes in play" both carson and ryan try to dissuade nancy from pursuing her pulling this con on everett but go about it different ways: carson is wildly concerned with nancys physical wellbeing but ryan appears to be leaning more towards weighing the odds for her/ like a "you cant win so cut your losses/dont try" scenario which interestingly might have more weight with nancy; its easy for her to brush aside carson's worrying like second nature but nancy has been established to be a determined winner, and ryan speaks to her here like shes a beginners luck prodigy at a blackjack table by encouraging her to keep her record clean by not dealing in this next round. of course she herself admits shes incapable of not dealing in ie "you know me better than that" but i have lots more thoughts on how effective ryans approaches to nancy can be sometimes (saving for the reveal ep 🙏🏻)

-wonder what all carson knows about the hudsons? + that look on his face when he hangs up... wonder if he was just lying to her about knowing anything or just ashamed at having to admit bad things hes done for them

-love nick & bashiir waiting together 🙏🏻💙+ nicks very strong and pointed "good night" as a means of ending his convo w nancy on his terms (gotta reinforce those boundaries man!)

and lastly

-celia + that gossip girl moment when she just throws the whole phone away 😂(wonder if she was just talking to "gus" or whoever that guy was. keep forgetting the bobbseys' dad is in prison too, wonder if he'll feature in s3)

[mollydollyjournals]

Maybe I need to just like. Scream. Loudly. For a few hours.

My concentration is still so bad I'm barely getting anywhere with this same set of nails. Still. I'm trying to keep working on it but my mind is just not doing it because I feel constantly on edge. This is day 3. One set of nails! Jesus they're not that good. I take a long time to do most things but my mind is really just not functioning.

I'm feeling really particularly isolated again. I have nothing to say that might be of interest to anyone else. I dont really even know how to respond to the small amount of interaction I do get. A friend has started being more talkative in our group chat and sent me a message asking for some info on nail art techniques - maybe I'm being self centred but I feel like it could at least partially be an effort to get me talking. If so I appreciate it. But I still dont really have anything to say beyond quick surface responses.

My mum asked if I'm going to see her this weekend. I wouldn't on Sundays because she has a zoom call with relatives I dont want to talk to. It occurred to me that saturday is tomorrow. Part of me wants to go to hers and drink red wine and just connect with someone. The one person who's almost always had my back, or at least has never seriously intentionally opposed me. I want to go see my dog and my kitten and tell her that actually I'm doing pretty bad, I'll probably be divorced by xmas and sometimes I hear things that arent particularly confusing or distressing but they're definitely not real.

But that's not how it works in our dynamic. She had a serious psychotic episode when I was a teenager, and I took care of it all. My younger brother has ongoing psychosis. It's in our family. If I say I hear things she'll only panic. My doctor knows so it's not a secret - if theres one thing I learned from both of their cases, it's not to stay in denial. But theres no point telling her. And the divorce stuff? She'll internalise it. One of her children is dead, one is an ongoing psychiatric case with not much of a future because he's also actually a pretty terrible person, and the last one is me. She feels bad enough because her "marriage failed," which is a weird phrase her generation seem to use. She told me before not to date other people in case it hurts my "marriage." She'll think it's that, and start spiralling about her history with my dad and the one guy she's dated since they divorced. She won't believe me and hb were fine having other relationships and the issues arent to do with that, and I dont have the energy to talk through her stuff again.

Maybe it's getting to me more than I think. It's not like I didnt know this shitstorm was coming. But now it advances. Like I heard the forecast before, but now I can see it on the horizon. Now I have to really truly consider moving out of the house and splitting up the cats and whatever else. Thinking about it, maybe i should talk to my mum. Itll almost definitely be her I move in with if it all goes through. But then maybe I should only talk about it if I'm sure.

I dont know. I'm jealous of everyone with good parental relationships. I still havent even texted my dad for his birthday. I guess I should do that. I kind of miss when all 4 of us go back to my dad's house for drinks, us and my half brother. But that's not going to happen for a long time yet, for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it never will again. I'm catastrophising I guess. But it's hard not to with the current track record. I just feel like there isnt any evidence of positive things. Really, truly. The best thing that's happened to me recently is I sent the rented carpet cleaner off and then saw that my cat did a big healthy shit in the middle of the carpet. I have to be happy about that because it means hes not losing his guts to diarrhea and vomiting like he was before. But I still have to deal with a hygienic nightmare and probably a stressed cat picking up on my mental state. And I still have to gauge the whole situation based on a literal pile of shit.

I feel like thinking positive is just kidding myself and giving into my genetic tendency towards psychosis. If I'm going to convince myself of something that isnt real in order to make myself feel better, why not lose myself in a fantasy entirely? I should just build an entire world where everything is okay and lock myself away in it. Why stop at just telling myself that this one bad thing or another won't happen.

I try my best to stay grounded in reality to avoid ending up in that kind of mental state. But reality is fucking tiring. I know my life isnt the worst in the world by far, I dont mean that. But we're all going through some extra shit these past couple of years. I struggle not to take that on too. Not that it even helps. We had a mass shooting here today and I'm thinking about the people who thought they were safe because they live in England where firearms are extremely rare, the parents of the child who died, the people living in that area who will feel so unsafe now, and all the pro-gun lobbyists in the US who will use this as a reasoning that gun control doesn't work thus keeping millions of other people at risk as long as those laws dont change. But god. I would be dead many times over if guns were as easy to buy here as they are over there.

And then I think about all the people that have been lost to situations like that. I'm multiracial and have family in multiple different places - I was always raised with the idea that you dont stop caring about people just because they're not in the same country as you. And it's true, you shouldnt. But I've internalised a lot of it as fear and sorrow and idk what else. Just bad feelings. Feeling like the world is such a terrible place, that I cant deal with my own suffering, and that if I can't deal with that then what about the people who have it worse? What can I do??

What can I do for anyone when I cant even paint a single set of nails?

I'm sure of all kinds of bad things happening. I dont want to be. Some of them I couldnt prove, so maybe it's just my mind. Many look likely. I dont know how to deal. I am all the worst parts of each of my parents and this is the result. I wish therapy was more of a thing last century. They should never have had kids. My older brother got off easy by dying. Incidentally I have to somehow gather money for his gravestone soon as nobody else in my family ever offered to help my parents with it in all this time and it's only just been put up now when I said I'd help my mum with it. I never even fucking met him. My life is like a bad tv show. Not an interesting one, not a well written drama or tragedy, just bad.